#Old Man Redlight King

[babybup]

Old Man-Redlight King

[eiderduckgenx]

„Here‘s mine!“

„Lulubelle‘s!“

„Abner‘s!“

„Quackmore‘s!“

„Mom‘s!“

„Uncle Casey‘s!“

„Cousin Cuthbert‘s!“

„Kildare‘s!“

„Oh, and Dugan‘s!“

„And since Fethry asked me to pick Gloria‘s too…“

DuckTales Character Songs! (Part 3)

Okay, you should hopefully know the drill by now. So today, I’ll be highlighting characters that debuted in Season 2, and choosing songs that I think best fit them.

For whatever reason, I did not think of doing this last week, but if you want to look back at my previous songs, here are the links to the first two parts:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 2, continued

And again, shout-out to @glowyjellyfish for brainstorming help.

Fethry Duck

Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin

What better song to match with Donald’s marine biology-loving cousin? Even though Fethry has his head in the clouds most of the time, his heart belongs to the ocean. Even if living in an underwater research lab isn’t the most ideal of conditions, Fethry makes it work.

Zan Owlson

Woman by Kesha (feat. The Dap-Kings Horns)

As the old adage goes, Owlson is a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. She took over Glomgold’s company for him after he was stricken with amnesia. She probably makes plenty of money out of it. She works hard, and she’s good at what she does.

José Carioca and Panchito Pistoles

The Three Caballeros by Clarence Nash, José Oliveira, and Joaquin Garay from The Three Caballeros

Because of course.

The Three Ghosts of Christmas

Past, Present and Future by Emility

The lyrics do a good job of summing up what each of the three ghosts traditionally represent.

Lieutenant Penumbra

Power by Little Mix

This song is big, badass, bombastic, and screams female empowerment. It’s absolutely perfect for Penny.

General Lunaris

Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival

It’s not just because the song has the word “moon” in the title. It’s also kind of a metaphor for Lunaris being basically a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and for the invasion that he enacted that led to the final battle of Season 2.

Violet Sabrewing

Killer Queen by Queen

Violet is an absolute enigma of a character. She’s smart, serious, intense, has a couple major hyperfixations, and is super blunt; she can be hard to read, but whoever she lets into her inner circle, she is steadfast loyal and supportive of them, as we’ve seen in episodes like Friendship Hates Magic! or Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks! (even though we totally should’ve gotten more elaboration from the latter episode on her relationship with Huey). Okay, getting off track. The point is, this song kind of explains how with Violet, there is more than meets the eye. There’s more complexity to her than the casual fan might think.

John D. Rockerduck

Money, Money, Money by ABBA

We don’t know a whole lot about Rockerduck in the show, other than that he’s a super rich capitalist. So…money.

Gandra Dee

No Roots by Alice Merton

I think the tone and lyrics of the song really fit Gandra’s rebellious nature. Gandra doesn’t like being tied down to one place. She’s mysterious, with a complicated past. And I think this song sums that up well.

Drake Mallard

Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson

“If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.” Drake’s a down-on-his-luck actor, trying to make an impact. But Launchpad ultimately taught him that the biggest possible impact that he could make in life is helping others. And that inspired him to take up the mantle of his childhood hero and become the terror that flaps in the night, the combination lock on the vaults of justice, Darkwing Duck. And this classic MJ track mails the point home beautifully.

[whispers-soundtrack-project]

Cobb Vanth

Fanmix Part One

Tagging @skidspace by request! If anyone else would like to be tagged in future installments, let me know!

Link to the Spotify Playlist is at the bottom of the post

Stick To Your Guns (Bon Jovi)

You got to give it all you got now * Or you might get shot down * Fight hard until the battle is won

Duck and Run (3 Doors Down)

This world can turn me down * But I won't turn away * And I won't duck and run * 'Cause I'm not built that way

Warriors (Imagine Dragons)

As a child you would wait * And watch from far away * But you always knew that you'd be the one that work while they all play

Comeback (Redlight King)

Many times I've walked the line * I've rolled the dice and questioned my life * Many times I sacrificed and dealt with the pain

I Ain't Backing Down (Jason Tarver, Hugo Russo, & Thomas Greenwood)

Deep in the valley * High in the storm * You couldn't catch me * Battered, bruised and torn * So I'm rising up * I'm rising up * Up again

Justified (Cumberland River Band)

So before you cross that county line * And break the law in my town * There is a few things you might wanna know * Before the deal goes down

Sun And Sidearm (Cloudeater)

I see a glisten in the distance * I hear a whisper in the wind * I feel a shiver down my shoulders * It’s no one there * It’s no one there * Cause all I got * Is sun and sidearm

Cruel World (Tommee Profitt & Sam Tinnesz)

Can you hear the wind that's howling * Through the concrete trees * Got you praying on your knees * In the face of danger we're all brave * 'Til the gun goes bang, bang, bang

The Balancer's Eye (Lord Huron)

Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky * Life is equal to dust in the balancer's eye * Now I know that I can't lift an old curse * Tell me, how does a man change the universe?

Head Full Of Doubt / Road Full Of Promise (The Avett Brothers)

There was a dream and one day I could see it * Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it * And there was a kid with a head full of doubt * So I'll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

[barklyvanish]

M.Rivers (Kazzer) #MRivers #Kazzer

[whenimgoodandready]

(patriotic music plays) In 1777, Lafayette was commissioned by General Washington to lead his troops in the American Revolution which led them to victory! This alliance between the French and Americans was what brought the holiday, The French-American Friendship Week🇫🇷🇺🇸. (record scratch) Okay, so it’s not a legit holiday cuz it was strictly made up for plot purposes on the show, but the events did happen as Americans and French are allies. History repeats itself so let’s see if our French heroes can ally with the American heroes in this very first Miraculous World trilogy of traveling:

Miraculous World

•New York – United HeroeZ-We start with a big damn intro that Thomas was probably inspired by other movie productions such as the “20th Century Fox” with its spotlights, “Universal” with its globe and even “Disney” with its Enchanted Castle. They even had an orchestra with the “Miraculous Ladybug” theme song playing (they went all out!). With the millions this show made it’s no surprise am I right or am I right!? Huh? Huh? Huh? HUH!? There’s a lot that went on in this special, and I know you’re all informed by it, even with the side stories, but I’m not gonna type all that went on and just put in the Pros and Cons so it can be faster. Let’s go:

Pros:

•The Space Powerups-Meet Cosmobug and Astrocat! Finally! We got to see their space forms and they looked pretty alright. Except they never really went to space and I would’ve preferred they did while battling some alien akuma, but it was still nice to see it. I liked Ladybugs space look best.

•The Native American Miracle Box-The final treat of the special and we see another miracle box and it’s guardian! Our first look is the Eagle miraculous which is a talon necklace that has an eagle like Kwami named Liiri who grants the user the power of liberation (which can be used for both good and evil). This was given to Sparrow who got promoted from sidekick to an independent hero! Congrats Sparrow! Fellow miraculers, I give you, Eagle! (trumpets sound). There was no eagle in the Native American zodiac, but I guess it’s part of the five pack and not the main duo like the Chinese Miracle box with its zodiac. There’s always the basic 12 zodiacs, the five elements and the two most important good/bad luck miraculouses. The guardian for the Native American miracle box was a chief like man who was stern, protective, and serious, but with a sense of understanding as he allowed Sparrow to keep their miraculous and start a new generation of supers with the rest thanks to Uncanny Valley.

•New York Heroes/Villains-Get this folks, Majestia, that superwoman Alya is a huge fan of, is real! Yeah! And Knightowl, Principal Damocles hero, is real too! Yeah! There’s barely any fiction in the Miraculous Universe and all we see, is real! These supers are amazing! There’s other heroes too, such as Snowflake, a snow elemental hero, Hurricane, a weather hero, Doorman, a portal traveler, Victory, a patriotic hero and Hot Dog Dan!? (record scratch). He’s uh, uhhhhhhh, a temporary power bestower through magic hot dogs?.............riiiiiiiiiight (clears throat). They’re enemies are a pirate themed technopath named Techno-Pirate (we already have Captain Hardrock for that, but I guess this is their American equivalent of it, so okay. (mutters under breath disappointedly) Wanted something more unique, but okay). Unlike the French heroes, the United Heroez don’t fall under the cliche of secret alter egos bulls*** and everyone in New York knows who they are (even the villain). I guess it’s cuz they’re mostly composed of courageous and righteous adults whereas Team Miraculous, are a bunch of insecure and awkward teenagers. Whomp! Whomp! Whomp! Not giving teens a bad name! The sidekicks of Majestia and Knightowl are Uncanny Valley, a robot girl, and Sparrow, a gadget wielding/combatant masked hooded youth, respectively. They’re the only ones who have to hide their identities (minus Knightowl for spoilers below) cuz they’re just children, but still badass cuz Aeon (aka Uncanny) figured out who Ladybug and Cat Noir were and reunited them to help save New York and Sparrow earned their wings to fly solo as a real hero.

Cons:

•Mr.Pigeon-(face palms) Hawk Moth, do you seriously want your wife back? Or are you just f**king stupid!? 51 TIMES!? (groans loudly and exasperated) You ARE mad and desperate! I understand it’s a kids show and some would find it funny that he keeps showing up, but older kids (and adults), would not! It’s no wonder we’ll be getting a new Hawk Moth in the future. One that actually creates formidable villains and not constantly recycles their old ones!

•Unnecessary Drama-So the plot said Marinette “convinces” Gabe (he had villainous intentions) to let Adrien go to New York, but Ladybug told Cat Noir to stay in Paris to watch out for any akumatizations while she’s “away”......well, we know that’s gonna be an issue, but there was no need. Adrien thought he had a plan to solve this by using his Akuma Alert app to check up on any danger in Paris and fly back quickly as Astrocat to signal Ladybug with this tiny black cat alarm she left him to come and help. Really? That’s the drama Hawkdaddy put in to spice up the special? Why couldn’t Ladybug just download the same app and use the Horse miraculous, which grants the power of teleportation, and fix the possible emergency herself!? If anything, she didn’t need to tell Cat to do jacks***! I understand the Akuma Alert back in “Riposte” cuz that happened during the show where the Parisians were getting accustomed to these attacks, but now, after what’s been a year already (in-universe), you’d think Marinette/Ladybug would be prepared to have that app like Adrien/Cat Noir, but no! She didn’t! Instead, we get this ridiculous, utterly ridiculous little black cat gadget that’s used for a dumb joke! Did Astruc not remember what he did on the show in the past seasons? Look back on your work, honey! IT’S CALLED RESEARCH! Ugh!

•New York stereotype-Like I mentioned up there with the United Heroez, Hot Dog Dan iiiiiiiiiiiiis not the most useful of supers cuz he sounds too stereotyped what with the setting being in New York where you can find a hot dog vendor (there’s even a hero named Captain Redlight who controls the traffic signal lights!) and he uses his powers for fun. That’s not all! Alya romanticized the theme of New York for Marinette and most of the time, we don’t picture that when we think of The Big Apple. When most Americans think of New York, they think crime, honking traffic jams, (911), big corporate businesses and the whole, “Hey! I’m walking here!”. Guess since this is a kids show, they didn’t wanna plant that idea in their young developing minds and just put in the “fun” aspects of New York! I get it. Don’t poison their heads.

That was our first Miraculous World special people. It was “interesting” and I’m sure you’ll agree with it too. I’m gonna elaborate more on the pros and cons of this and then mention the side stories in it. Now that we’ve seen the Native American miracle box, I think we’ll be seeing the American one next. Possibly in the Brazil special. Wonder how they’ll work with that since we have people and an object for our signs. Hmmmmm. I was real glad to see Sparrow cuz we all thought they’d be a scrapped character from the Quantic Universe, but no! They exist! (this was so much better then Felixs introduction). Mercury was even there too! Wow! We got to see the concept art come to life with members of the Quantic Kids! (wonder if Kid Mime might show up later?). Perhaps the whole United Heroez team is what inspires future Ladybug to create her own future Miraculous Justice League from “Timetagger”! What really surprised me was the LGBT Representation! The reveal that Knightowl was a woman along with Sparrow being a girl and that she (Knightowl) and Majestia are life partners with Aeon and Jess (Sparrow) being their children! For the longest time, we the fans thought Knightowl and Sparrow were male when in fact, they’re female! Nice twist there Astruc! The Knightowl and Sparrow are actually legacy heroes where the sidekick would take over for Knightowl and find a new Sparrow all with regardless of their race/gender/sexual orientation. I like that. What I didn’t like was the whole Mr.Pigeon running gag (it’s actually becoming a literal gag! >:P) there’s gonna be a moment where he’ll get called out on it, wait for that! However, it transitioned from overused creators favorite to super anarchy and nuclear war! What a dramatic climatic change! Like I mentioned, Ladybug didn’t really need to involve Cat in the whole emergency situation, but just to emphasize the trust issues between them and input drama into the special (ignoring the plot holes), Astruc gave us a near death scene with poor Uncanny Valley and thank God she was a robot or Cat would’ve gotten a can of whompa** from Majestia. Knightowl wanted to confiscate the dynamic duos miraculouses, but I don’t think they had any jurisdiction to do so. They’re an American super and they’re Parisian supers. However, since this does take place after Season 3, and Ladybug is now the guardian, it’s her choice whether they should or not and her idea was just for the two to run. This also brought the headscratcher of fans on how Ladybugs powers work? She said her “Miraculous Ladybug” power only works on a specific villain and not all villains (like the sentimonster that was shown during Techlonizers attack). Does her power not bring back the dead (that aren’t robots?), can it only fix a cataclysm power from Cat Noir? (shrugs). Unlike “Syren”, Cat quits for real this time! (for about 5mins) It hurt Marinette/Ladybug thinking she was all alone now. A Yang without her Yin. Not a good sign. What Marinette/Ladybug needs to understand is that Cat has a double life too, she shouldn’t assume it would be a breeze for him to watch Paris by himself and that he might have friends and family he can’t explain why he can’t do this and that and make up insane excuses like she does all the time. This wouldn’t be “Miraculous Ladybug” if we didn’t have shippers trying to make Adrienette happen, Alya tries to get Marinette to confess and Nino tries to get Adrien to open up. They get double ship help from Aeon and Jess, but even with the Americans allied with the French on this, Hawk Moth still co*kblocked it. Course with all the major plots involved, they added in several sub plots just to expand the special and fill the gaps such as Ms.Bustier revealed to be pregnant (who’s the daddy?), Ms.Mendeleiev trying to win over the class, Adriens Bodyguards fear of heights and Sabrinas love interest. The special foreshadowed that Marinette/Ladybugs conflict for Season 4 will be learning to move on (same w/ Adrien/Cat Noir) now that it’s strongly implied that Adrigami and Lukanette are canon. See ya all in 2021!

[aestheticvoyage2021]

Day 189: Thursday July 8, 2021 - “Hangin with Grandpa Acton”

I had a Grandpa Acton too, and he was a pretty great guy and William is blessed to be able to grow up being able to spend a lot of quality time with his Grandpa Acton too.  Hopefully some of his humor will wear off on him.   Grandpa Acton doesn’t like to change diapers, but is pretty natural with kids otherwise.  And he’s pretty natural in the kitchen too with some great standard chops that he’s treated us to this week while he was here in the Finca including a really great fajita recipe we had to invite Deni over to share, a great baked style chicken on the grill, and one night he even got us Thai food from Chars.  We’ve gotten some really good eating in since William came, and Dad was sure to keep that rush going - come to town to take care of all his kids, including the grand-puppies.

Song; Redlight King - Old Man

Quote: “When admiring other people's gardens, don't forget to tend to your own flowers.” ― Sanober Khan

[doyourememberrocknrollradio]

Redlight King - Old Man

[stenka-razin]

Since I’m probably not gonna see another show until 2021, here’s what I believe is a complete list of every musical artist I’ve ever seen. Done from a spotty memory.

Front Line Assembly (2X) The Secret Machines Common Some House guy The Creepy Magicians (2X) Xanthos Polygon Fighting Team Some random band that showed up to the show we hosted The Mars Volta Machinehead Megadeth Heaven & Hell Lauren Harris Iron Maiden (2X) Ghost Some grindcore band that didn’t look at the crowd, opening for Wet Nurse (did not see Wet Nurse) Drugs of Faith Lord Mantis Secret Chiefs 3 Saul Williams Les Claypool (Fungi Band) Electric Six (14X) Living Things The Gay Blades Millions of Brazilians Kitten Some punk band that opened for E6 and covered Whole Lotta Love (4/20/12) Little Hurricane My Jerusalem That E6 opener on the Human Zoo tour Yip Deceiver In the Whale Dingleberry Dynasty (1.5X) Groves F City Jeremy and the Harlequins Buckethead That 1 Guy (3X) Between the Buried and Me Baroness Mastodon (2X) Dick Valentine Suburban Commandos or something Aquabats Reel Big Fish (1.1X) Pearl and the Beard The Future (no not him) Some highschool post punk band Tiger Scout Carbon Leaf Das Racist Despot Lakutis Danny Brown Gene Ween Old Guy With a Uke that opened for Gene Ween Dean Ween (4X) Ween (3X) Primus (3X) Clutch Sick Martian Architect Mike Dillon Keith Kenny AWOL Nation The AWOL opener that sounded like the Killers with a good bassist Redlight King Reid + Drummer Reid + Drummer + Guitarist Reid + Another Dummer Austra Cold Cave (2X) Drab Majesty Mindless Self Indulgence Morningwood Wolff and Tuba Iron Man (3X) Spirit Caravan Pilgrim Zekiah Some random Hardcore band opening for Iron Man and Zekiah Yob (2X) Ruins of Beverast Tombs Taake (2X) Agalloch (2X) Inquisition Vattnet Viskar Young and in the Way Bastard Sapling Jex Thoth (2X) Vektor Ufomammut Bongripper Earth (3X) Goblin Claudio Simonetti’s Goblin (2X) Zombi Anaal Nathrakh Demilich Goatsnake Amorphis (2X) Iris Divine Eyes of the Nile Mongrel Dopecopper The Pilgrim (2X, different band from the aforementioned “Pilgrim”) Wounded Giant (2X) Ashencult (2X) Dweller in the Valley Oak Pissgrave Cemetery Piss Dead Congregation Mantar Lamb of God Anthrax Deafheaven Power Trip North Conan (2X) Electric Wizard Satan’s Satyrs Sleep Windhand Mannequin Pussy Wing Dam Genevieve Snakefeast (2X) Mother Moon Youth Code (3X) Clipping. Curse Bongzilla Psychic TV Corpse Light (2X) Chelsea Wolfe KMFDM OhGr Screaming Females Pathogenesis Purrer Outer Spaces Street Eaters Code Orange Some other hardcore band opening for Code Orange The dream pop person opening for Code Orange Eric Arn & Margaret Unknown Super Flower Alex and an old guy with a drum Flock of Dimes The Mountain Goats Plow Chris Forsyth & the Solar Motel Band Arbouretum Jucifer They Might Be Giants Destroyer of Man Order of the Owl guy w/ acoustic n’ looper who opened for the Mountain Goats Buzzov*en Weedeater (2X) ⅔ Goat Muskethawk Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats Ruby the Hatchet Wildhoney Pizza Underground Dude who opened for Pizza Underground Patti Smith (2X) TV on the Radio Okkervil River James Murphy Teddy Bears Alexandria Kleztet The Wailers Matisyahu B.B. King Some white blues band opening for the King The Black Keys Circulatory System Neutral Milk Hotel Holy Ghost New Order Another random Ska band, opening for TLA Thee Lexington Arrows Holy Fuck Death Domain Other random Hardcore band at this Iceage show (did not see Iceage) Ilsa (2X) Old Man Gloom Neurosis Winter Skepticism Primordial Masacre Mgła Cancer At the Gates SubRosa Phobodeimos Susan Alcorn, CK Barlow, Orlando Johnson, and M.C. Schmidt Carrie Fucile, Jamal Moore, Ada Pinkston, & Peter Redgrave Patrick Crossland, Owen Gardner, Sarah Hughes, Bonnie Jones, and Paul Neidhardt Die Krupps Alcest Acid Witch Blue Öyster Cult Gut Fauna Teton Heavy Temple (2X) Unearthly Trance Foehammer Worms of the Earth Statiqbloom Mortiis White Ford Bronco Summoner’s Circle Wolfheart Swallow the Sun Children of Bodom Book of Wyrms Mountainwolf Yatra Horseburner Haze Mage Tombtoker I’m With Her Helms Alee Caroline Rose Zenizen The Natvral PLRLS Raindeer Surfer Blood ORB Stonefield King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard

[pooktales]

Dannox Does Dalaran

~45min read

In an alternate universe where Kael'thas is king...

*doom music* The quaint Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran has an amateur comedy night. Dannox, a raunchy Night Elf druid, decides to do his standup routine. You may recognize Dannox from such things as my ‘My Life for My Prince’ fanfiction series. This post is LGBTQ+ friendly. It is also 18+ and NSFW because of dirty jokes. Enjoy!

...

Center stage at the Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran. A dark-pearl skinned Night Elf man with deep green hair down to his waist strides up to take the Gnomish microphone device. He smiles well, as if he’s been laughing really hard back stage with the staff already. Charcoal gray t-shirt that looks soft. Light blue, linen slacks. Unless your eyes are playing tricks, there seems to be a shadow, or an outline through the thin fabric, of his bare hip underneath and the start of a muscular thigh. He moves again, and it’s gone. Dannox has spread hands and feet apart, bracing as if he’ll have to fight the strange mic device at first, but then cuts that out quickly since the mic is not a toy. Maybe no one noticed.

His joy is genuine and infectious. It’s hard not to smile along with him.

“Hey, so before I begin—Shit, you’d think I’d be used to a moon-white spotlight in the dark, being a Night Elf, but I’m just not. Can you offensive fuckers turn that off? Okay?” Dannox cackles and squints. He looks at his dark hands, while adjusting the mic up to his height. Dannox is magnetizing in a way. Fun to watch his sly mannerisms, his voice is rich.

A burst of embarrassed laughter in the back, while the Gnome techs actually accede to Dannox’s demand. It’s not a joke, they really are trying to fix the lights for him.

“So. Dalaran. The big D. Well, the other big D. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Which… is exactly what life is like with a big dick anyway...

“Sorry if you thought I couldn’t say that word—DICK. But back to my joke. You do one guy, or lady—I’m bi—and word gets around, right? So I make it everywhere.

“Oh, Dalaran. Come on, baby. I just got here and you’re turning me on. I’m lit for a magical city right now, and that is so wrong. Wow, what a weird fetish that would be…

“Seriously, though. This place cracks me up. A fancy, beautiful city. Perfectly designed. A beacon of hope. Holy, in a way. Floating majestically through the air. And plenty of massive, purple, phallic objects poking the sky.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, I know it’s not really like that—that’s not why those spires are there. They have a real functionality. What got my mind dirty in the first place were all the snooty, Kirin’ Tor, tight arseholes walking up and down the streets… Yum.

Shocked, sort of uncomfortable laughter, but Dannox presses on, “Hey, don’t judge me. You guys been to the Underbelly, yet?” He shakes his head sorrowfully, “Don’t go down there. I mean, did you hear what it’s called? The Underbelly. That’s another low-key sex thing about Dalaran. This place is secretly very dirty, believe me. Underbelly. Do you know what’s under my belly? Well, on most nights. He’s not here right now.” Dannox uses a hand to shade his eyes, pretends to look around the room for someone. Loose laughter escapes from the back. “Sorry, that one was too easy. But yeah, so please don’t go down there. Just a lot of nasty fuckers like myself, flagging themselves to get jumped from behind by some rogue, and trying to wrestle each other—” Dannox starts laughing and cuts himself off, “All… oiled up. Well I was, anyway. Okay, I lied. I’ve been here before. Plenty of times.”

To a woman looking very serious and refusing to laugh in the front row, “Ma’am. Ma’am? I’m going to need you to loosen up tonight, okay? You’re in the hands of a professional tonight. I’m serious. I’m more serious than you are right now about that statement, do you know why? I’m fully trained at this, I was once a very successful stripper, I promise you.” Excited whistles and shouts, “I know smut and I’m proud of that, so tonight you have my express permission to laugh at my nasty jokes.

“But I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, ma’am, really I am. Please forgive me. Do you want a lap dance to make up for it? I’m being serious. Would that help? You don’t?

“Damn, I’m getting old then. Anyone here heard of Commando Dan, from Fel Candy? West side of Kezan? There must be a few Goblins in the house.”

A couple of gravelly cheers.

“Hoo, yeah! That’s me. Look how far I’ve fallen. I still got all my clothes on and people are even laughing.”

The blazing spotlight finally goes out, leaving Dannox in a darker room, offset by easy peach candlelight. Some polite applause for the lights being fixed. Then glasses click gently as people drink, begin to enjoy their food once more.

“Hey, great! I can see again, though you all really can’t see me, cause it’s dark. And your eyes have to adjust. Sucks to be you. Shout out to the other Night Elves in the house. The revolution begins now, by the way. Hail to the night, motherfuckers…”

Throaty laughter, especially from some kal’dorei men in the back.

Dannox looks down and snakes the microphone wire around the stand, to give himself space to move with it, “Anyway, I am definitely grateful for my chance at amateur night here in Dalaran.” He winks, “I intend to take the prize. I’m already a prize, I figured we’d go together.”

He turns a little to his left, sticks a hand in his pants pocket. Also, semi-sheer fabric confirmed. Nice.

“So. A little about me to start, other than my being an exceptional stripper once upon a time. Today? I’m a bum. A handsome bum, but my husband reminds me that still means I’m lazy and bum. I do nothing. This is my first thing that I’m doing, after a hiatus. Stripper in retirement. Never thought you’d see the day, right?” Dannox shrugs, grinning anew, “Actually, I do work hard, just not in the way you’d expect. I’m a trophy husband that got picked up years ago in a seedy strip club, I kid you not… stripping my clothes off in Kezan, which is a beautiful, nearly lawless Goblin Island, at least on the redlight district side. Anything goes on that side. A Blood Elf and a Night Elf can meet up, get it on, and have all kinds of adventures together in broad daylight. Faltheriel and I once had a dirty weekend that turned into… ten years now? And so I got picked up by the man who eventually became—who eventually would become—the Chief Advisor to King Kael’thas Sunstrider.

“The king? Yeah, we live in an alternate universe back home. It’s totally normal though, don’t worry. It’s like living in the suburbs—hardly anyone goes there, it’s nice cause it’s less expensive. We get crime, but it’s weirder suburbs, alt-universe crime. Like… whenever we read about Kael’thas’ new fun addictions and various shortcomings in the news. It was Murlocos Tacos last week. His daughter caught footage of him on the floor eating them while drunk or high, probably both cause it’s Kael’thas, and slurring every single thing he said. It came on all the scrying orbs. That was a rough week for him.”

Some snickers. “Yeah, you guys out here have dead, looted body Kael’thas at the end of a Quel’danas Isle dungeon. But back home, we pretty much have the Hearthstone Kael’thas which is way nicer. And funnier. I thought I’d get up here and do a Hearthstone Kael’thas impression but… yeah, he’d send some people over to kill me. He’s still an evil genius with bloodthirsty Sunfury agents. Also, ‘I’m coming doooown!’

“Haha… So worth it. Best part, when I get assassinated by Sunfury agents soon and I die, I’m totally going to ask my wife and husband to put that exact quote on my tombstone. That’ll really piss Kael off.

“And then, what is he even gonna do? Dig up my body and beat me some more?” Dannox looks down, casually kicks the wire for the mic out of his way, “Actually, I wouldn’t put it past that fel-addicted, demon-fucking motherfucker. He’s into everything.

“Anyway, we’re actually cool, me and Kael’thas. Don’t worry. And I truly like him. Since my husband works for Kael, and I am a druid after all—I heal. I heal a body good… I get to talk to Kael’thas himself sometimes if you can believe it. But it’s all so horrible. He’s a good-looking man and he knows that I’m bi. And I’m an awful person, generally. I guess that’s why Kael and I get along.”

Dannox walks to the other side of the stage, “And then Filthy—that’s my husband, don’t ask… Well, you will ask about my husband’s nickname, but I’m warning you not to, not yet, I’ll tell you later—Filthy is practically like Kael’s family at this point, so I always take my chance to rip on our lovely king. Also, Kael’s Blood Knights. Blood Knights are such easy targets. And mind you, in this alt universe, Azeroth is united, the factions are at peace, sorta. Kind of like how Dalaran lets everybody in, we’re sort of like that. Anyway, so we’re out in Netherstorm again with King Kael’thas, waiting on the Sunfury army to show up. Kael’thas looks right at me and he says, ‘I think I really like having a Night Elf man salute me, for a change.’

“And then I wink, ‘…It’s only natural, Kael’thas.’

“Hoo, boy. Poor Kael’thas. I think he was trying to be community-spirited. But, you know, he just tangled with the wrong Night Elf. Or, exactly the right one. Remember, I do like to get oiled-up first.”

More laughter.

“And then these soldiers of his, they’re taking a really long time to arrive. So one of the Blood Knights that’s already there, she turns to me. Everyone’s curious about the Night Elves, I suppose. Daphne goes… and I guess she didn’t let on yet that I’m unbelievably nasty, by some miracle. That’s what happens when hubby refuses to talk about home at work, I guess.

“Daphne asks me, ‘I heard you were the bane of Malfurion’s existence at one point.’

“I say, ‘Well, only for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time.’

Gasps, shocked laughter.

“See? I can keep it professional if I want to. And it’s fine, that’s another world leader I’m cool with. Malfurion and I go… way back. Right. In the back.

“Hey, no judgment. We all have our reasons for leaving the Emerald Dream. Am I right, fellow druids? Or, getting banned from it by a jealous wife. Hey, I’m calling her out, that wasn’t cool. She should know by now, everyone secretly loves Malfurion.

“Then I decided to have some fun with my husband Filthy—Faltheriel—who was standing right there next to me, turning beet-red, ‘What’s this, Faltheriel? You don’t look well, and your forehead is so warm. Maybe you’re coming down with something. Let’s go get you into bed, make you perfectly comfortable… then see what happens.’

“He didn’t like that. And in front of his employer, too. You see why he calls me a bum. I’m so good at being a trophy husband and jobless, it’s like I think everyone else needs to lose their job. Anyway, Faltheriel left to go do something else. Divorce me or something, I don’t remember what he said that afternoon. It’s not important.

“There was also a nice girl with them, a tall redhead named Tempest. I think she’s a retribution Paladin—Blood Knight, whatever. They all get to talking about old times, and she recalls how my husband used to be a zealot for Kael’thas, because he was. Or is. I’ll put it this way, ‘Kael’thas’ is the opposite of our safe word at home. It’s more Filthy’s trigger. Filthy gets one. One ‘Kael’thas’ every evening, and after that he has to stop. Don’t ask me how he works for the guy. I’m a sleaze, Faltheriel’s a fanboy, I guess. We struggle through this life together in our exciting marriage, putting up with all you muggles.

“I’m not joking with you. In person, Kael’thas is a very handsome man ontop of everything else and Faltheriel’s only mortal. Like I said, we have amazing, alt-universe Hearthstone Kael’thas. It’s a different outfit every hour with that guy. My favorite is nineties Kael’thas. He shows up with slicked-back blonde hair, neon shapes on his t-shirt and a giant cell phone, obsessing about how Arthas stole Jaina Proudmoore from him, and he needs revenge in time for the Dalaran Academy dance.

“Hey, I just remembered, you guys would have been there for all that Arthas in ripped stonewash jeans, shoving Kael’thas into a locker stuff. Beat, ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-beat, gooooo Dalaran!

“Anyway. Wow, I keep going off what I memorized. I need a minute.” Dannox winces laughter and pinches at the bridge of his nose, before calming down. “So. Faltheriel and his crew were all zealots back then, doing bad things for Kael’thas, but Faltheriel can get right in the danger zone till this day, remembering weird Kael’thas facts and lore, though I do love him. Tempest goes, ‘Look, I’m a Blood Knight and Faltheriel’s intense obsession over Kael’thas even makes me uncomfortable. Dannox, are you sure everything is alright?’

“I go, ‘Eh. It’s all about energy, where you direct it. Faltheriel can revv up his cute little engine all day if he wants to, as long as, at the end of that day, I’m the one who directly benefits.’

Daphne, as Tempest is laughing, ‘Uh… what?’

“I say, ‘It’s called husband physics.’

“And it is, it really is! That’s how you manage a marriage with a fanboy. I’ll only worry if Faltheriel comes home cosplaying and threatens that we need to take an emergency family vacay to Blizzcon. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when your husband likes to dress up as a succubus… you keep an eye on it. He’s going as Drag Queen Azshara next year, by the way. And there’s rumor of an ‘It’s Raining Men’ act to go with it, but Rachel and I are mostly letting Filthy have his alone time with the costume and his music for now. We’re all really excited. Albeit—each in his own way.

“Later that day, with the Blood Knights you know--the Sunfury finally arrive and it’s time for us to get moving, mount up to go someplace. I’m on my nightsaber. They’re staring at my beast. You would… I say to Daphne, ‘Let’s have somebody ride up front, and then the other person can climb on the back. Don’t worry, Faltheriel and I do it all the time where we’re from.’

“This guy Sunthraze goes, ‘In Darnassus? Or do you mean Silvermoon where Faltheriel’s from?’

“I say, ‘Wait, my wife wouldn’t want me to finish that joke.’

“Sometimes, Faltheriel does really get annoyed with me when I make those kinds of jokes with his colleagues. I mean, they are his coworkers after all. I guess that’s unkind in a way. But that’s also okay because my husband and I like to fight. Or, that other thing that begins with the letter ‘F’.

“That one too obvious? I can be subtle as well. I’m a centaur if you don’t think about that too much.”

“Now, please ask yourselves... Why was that not put in as one of the male Night Elf pickup lines? It’s excellent.”

Dannox then kindly leans down to the first row again, “While we’re on the topic, ma’am, I see that you’re smiling now. I knew you would. But I wanted to say, I am very sorry that you didn’t want that lap dance before. These are my emergency tear-away pants, as well. They’re not just awesome fitted slacks. But I need you to know, it’s too late now. Like the Goblins say, ‘If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!’ he snaps, pretending to have real attitude.

He straightens up again, as the laughter dies down, “…Well, in my case, a giant cock ring.”

A raucous reaction spreads from the cheap seats. The laughter makes it hard to hear the next part, as the woman begins talking and gesturing up at him, “… Huh? Haha!” Dannox leans halfway to listen to her, then attempts to stop his own laughter, “After the show? Really?! Wow, you’ve come a long way. Alright, I give in. Ladies and gentlemen, please clap for Offended Lady, I’ve got a convert! Welcome to the dark side. But you’ll have to run fast after the lap dance, my wife’s here somewhere. Thanks, Offended Lady, I’m so glad we’re cool now. Come find me on Tumblr later, too. I can’t follow you back, but I promise you won’t regret it.

“Well, back to me and my husband. Sometimes, I have to be reminded that I’ve got one... Oh! So Faltheriel and me arguing and fighting--it’s alright, really…

“I try not to pull on Faltheriel’s hair unless I mean it.

“Actually, when we first met, it was better. When we first met, I told Faltheriel I was a baker. Go on, you can ask me, ‘Why is that?’

“Well, you don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.

“I really love that joke. I tell that one a lot. You know, usually, there’s an upstanding person nearby—not you, ma’am. We already addressed that, like I said, and you kindly booked me tonight from 12-12:07am,” Dannox gives a sly wink and checks his watch, “But usually it’s someone with these excellent manners who warns that I’m a horrible person. Like I didn’t know that already, but it’s their duty to glare up here, gasp all shocked and say that. Do you know what I tell people who act like that? After I tell the joke, ‘You don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.’ Then they say, ‘Dannox, you are a horrible person.’

“I clarify, ‘No… I’m a baker.’

“Very innocent, just like that. Even funnier when, truth is, I do know how to bake. But I only let Faltheriel find that out years later. I waited until after we got engaged before I baked him anything. I was far more serious about the success of that baker joke than our relationship.

“But it’s true, Faltheriel and I like to fight. We always have. Though, mostly, it’s wrestling. Before bedtime. Aaaaand in this corner…” Dannox raises his voice, as if about to call a wrestling match, “they lived happily ever after.

“Also, now that we’ve been married for about a decade, Faltheriel doesn’t always listen to me. Then again, I don’t always face him while we talk… It’s win-win.

“Though, being totally serious now—You know, when I first met Faltheriel, he wasn’t facing me. Do you know how goddam gorgeous you have to be to look like someone’s soul mate from behind?!

“And I’m a good husband to him. I truly am. I make sure that Filthy never falls in the shower, whether he appreciates it or not.

“You know, I once lied to Faltheriel and told him it was still dark outside. He couldn’t get out from under me anyways.

“Another thing, Faltheriel and I don’t always communicate well. Sometimes, we just grunt and slap each other’s thighs a lot.” Dannox, now raising his voice over the laughter, “Is that weird? Maybe other couples don’t do that as much, I don’t know.

“Being married to such a beautiful man is hard. God, it gets so hard. Sorry—was that a low blow? I’ll put it away now. Though it’s been going on for so long, I’ll have to roll it up, first.

“Anyway, sometimes I say this thing to my husband when it’s bedtime and he’s not in the mood. I totally respect him for that, I do… But I say to him, ‘Filthy--’ I guess that’s his pet name when he’s being adorable, or really irritating. Both a fun challenge for me. I realize I keep switching in and out of that, I tell him, ‘Filthy, I don’t mind if you’re too tired. You can sleep, honey. Just lie on your stomach, and loosen up first.’”

Dannox hangs in there, through a mixture of booing and hard laughter, “See? It’s so simple! It is so simple to make a good marriage, you guys. A dirty, dirty marriage with a lovely woman who puts up with us and a man who used to work for the Burning Legion, and who can END you if your jokes ever fail to land.

“I can tell you, if you don’t like these jokes, that’s fine. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve already suffered enough. It was bombs over Shadowmoon Valley while I honed this joke routine in my house, I promise.

“By the way, don’t try that at home. Don’t try my sense of humor at your beloved home, not unless you enjoy having done to you what my husband used to do to his prisoners-slash-victims. Well, he still does it. But I-I get out sometimes.” Dannox rolls his big shoulder, pretends to twitch, “Like tonight.

“But I do find Faltheriel irresistible, so I admit that I keep trying to get into trouble with him. This one time, Faltheriel was really fussing at me, he really wanted me to leave him alone so he could read. Now I don’t know if I’m extra horny because I’m a big Night Elf compared to him—he’s a Blood Elf, I hope the Kael’thas thing gave that away—or because I’m just, well, totally nasty all the time, so much so, I like to give my husband a nickname that stops him from forgetting that I’m a dirty alpha male in this thing and I own his glorious ass… Told you I’d explain later in the show and that you didn’t want to know… But anyway, one evening while Filthy was downstairs reading and ignoring me like that, I just decided to compromise.

“I say to him, ‘Fine, let’s play a game to pass the time. I’ll be good if you’re good.’ He’s sensible, so he says, ‘Deal. What would you like to play, darling?’ He goes for the checkerboard. Then I said, ‘Faltheriel, this game I have is so fun. This is so easy. I’ll love it. It goes like this. Can you bend over the couch and not move for a half hour?’ He’s a sweetie and too trusting at times, so he actually does it. Then I say, ‘Also, this is one of those games where you can’t say ‘No.’

“I got slapped for that. It’s really bad when another man slaps you to defend his honor. And of course, truth be told… I liked it. Poor Faltheriel.

“Elune above, my Blood Elf husband is cute! He is so yummy. Fun fact, Faltheriel only wanted a sweet little hug last night, but in for a penny, in for a pounding.

“Though, the Cenarion Circle is probably going to come back into our lives, I think, to take Filthy away and try to find him a forever home.

“I mean, a new home with a good mummy and daddy. And walks in the park that don’t involve shagging behind the trees. And no bear-bottom spankings. Horny druid husbands are the worst, I should know.

“On another night, I told Faltheriel my balls were lonely. He brought his over to play.

“Awww, so sweet of him. Also, Faltheriel is really good at sex, but I would never tell him that. I just ask him to keep trying.

“Another thing about us, I almost forgot. When I first met Faltheriel, I got naked fast. He didn’t like it at the beginning, but he loved it in the end.

“And once, I told Faltheriel I was a piñata so that he wouldn’t stop beating me with it.

“And the most sex Faltheriel and I ever had was on the same night our wife had our first child, our twins. She was… SO mad at us.

“You know, when our wife had the twins—they’re fraternal, one Night Elf, one Blood Elf—Faltheriel forgot for a moment and went wild, accused Rachel of cheating. It was then that I reminded my husband that, um… I have sex with our wife too.

“Uh-huh. That’s right. That’s what you get when you jump to conclusions about your good spouse, Faltheriel.

“He’s not here tonight, actually. Faltheriel couldn’t make it. That’s why I’m really ripping on him, I guess. But my wife’s here, I think I said that earlier. Hi Rach, say hi. She’s a knockout, isn’t she? She’s so sweet and so kind, and hopefully, this wonderful Human woman won’t lock me in my cage later…

“And you know another thing, three-way marriages are interesting. They are so interesting. Women change, their appetites grow or something and you adapt in weird ways. Our wife gets so horny at times, it really does take the two of us. Wow, she looks mad at me now. Guess I shouldn’t have said that. But, then again, when she holds out, it’s like the world is coming to an end for us men.

“Just kidding, Faltheriel and I are perfectly fine.

“Sorry hun, it’s true. You shouldn’tve got us that set of matching spoons for the holidays. It’s just too bad. That cheap gift you got was like homo-erotic Kaja-Cola, it gave us ideas.

“I’m an idiot, I apologize. Anyway, this one time… the best stories start that way, have you noticed? So this one time when Rachel wasn’t there, Faltheriel came straight upstairs after work and found me in bed with another woman. God, he’s so adorable… After I put the mirror back and slipped the pink scrunchie from his soft, soft, ponytail, he calmed down and it was an amazing night.

“Seriously, though. My husband Faltheriel is so man-pretty, we only realized our wife had none of her own lingerie like… a week ago? And we’d been together for ten years? Yeah, it’s like that.

“So Faltheriel buys me my own lingerie, for once. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any of the fuzzy, silky, or bright colored stuff he brought home. Eh, the see-through stuff was okay. The really super-short, see through stuff I was already poking out of, that we could do each other in immediately—that, I liked. Nice guy, but he really wasted his money on me, I tell ya.

“Alright, last joke. It’s June and I know everyone’s hot in here. You’re all ready to finish up and call it a night. So I’ll try and end on a respectable note.

“It isn’t June? Well, I know that, I don’t care. Listen to the joke, goddammit.

“Ahhh, my wonderful husband, Filthy,” to rising, expectant laughter, “Faltheriel ‘Filthy’ Darkweaver has the best ass in the world. It feels like I’m fucking a magical rainbow in there. Was that one too obvious, because it’s Pride Month? Did you know that big, horny, sweaty, well-hung unicorns fuck rainbows? Nice image. Yeah, enjoy your Pride Month.”

Dannox nervously puts the microphone back and waves once, while people scream laughter. “If you liked my set, please tell the very nice Legerdemain Lounge staff. I’d love to come back. Oh, I never said my whole name. I’m Dannox Silvermoon Darkweaver. That’s right. That was my real last name, I was a dream come true when my Blood Elf husband finally found me and saved me. For me, every day is Pride Month because I’m so proud of my family and so happy to be here these days. It wasn’t always like that.

“And Rachel honey, I’m so grateful to you for loving me and letting me be me. I’m coming straight home to you baby… after this one lap dance,” an anxious laugh, as Dannox checks his watch, “Uh. I want to thank you all for a lovely show. Night, everybody.”

More whistles and another round of cheers. Then, the Night Elf man confidently jogs off-stage.

…

Aww, thanks for reading this far if you made it!

Were you in the audience? What do you have to shout out, or ask Dannox after his set? He might respond.

@elendeare

[themassivemonsterfamily]

Monster Family Ch 1

Ch 1 My Dad is King

Within the state of New York just off the island of Manhattan the HEAT team was just laying around their base with no mutations that were currently threatening anything, so HEAT was on an unofficial vacation. That was until the base was flashed with redlights and the sound of sirens screeched throughout the dilapidated building, soon the team began to race to their boat.

“What’s happening?!?” Elsie yelled out as she began to sprint towards the HEAT Seeker.

“Apparently the G-Man is making a beeline somewhere, and he’s booking it majorly.” Randy explained as he ran towards the service elevator, it took ten minutes for the team to get ready to follow Godzilla but during that time the mutant king had gained an enormous head-start. As the team followed the massive mutant’s path they began to feel a sense of familiarity as the boat sped forwards.

“Monique where are we heading?” Nick asked the French agent at the helm, she quickly looked at the navigation equipment and realized something.

“We are heading to Scotland.”  She answered though she sounded more confused than assured, but Nick had a theory on why Godzilla was traveling to the land of lakes. As they entered the River Ness they saw the damage from Godzilla’s travel, fishing boats strewn aside or beached, docks destroyed and deep gouges in the soil and dirt. HEAT just looked at this destruction in shock and in Monique’s case her views were strengthened by looking at the damage, as they maneuvered through the damages they could hear a voice.

“Ey, could ya elp me out ere!” A gruff, deep voice called out the owner of the voice being an Scottish man with wet silver and copper hair clinging to a piece of driftwood. Nick signaled his team to move port side and to throw the rope ladder to the stranded man, in a few short seconds the soaked man climbed onto the the boat as he began to rub his shoulders trying to get warm.

“Thank ya kindly, the water was gettien nippy.” The Scottish man graciously told the team of heat as continued to try and get warm. “Can you tell us why Godzilla caused this much damage?” Nick asked the Scotsman as Elsie gave the man a blanket to stop the shivers, the Scotsman gratefully took the thick piece of cloth. “I dun know laddie, I even let ta fish go but dat beastie was focused on something. Names Hammish by de way seems rude if I didn’t intaduce meself.” The Scotsman introduced himself to the mutant hunters, Hammish’s response confused the team even more so. “Thank you Hammish, would you like us to drop you off somewhere?” Nick asked the man wanting a way to repay the man for the troubles that happened. “Nah, I want te come wit ya. Always wanted ta see te beasties since I saw dem on te news.” Hammish told the team with a wishful smile on the olds Scott’s face, though the team had a few reservations about this but there were almost no docks to drop off the man. So the team went ahead to the lake and as they did they came across a rather odd site, it was the juvenile Nessie was splashing around seemingly happy.

“Ummmm, shouldn’t a big angry momma somewhere.”  Craven whimpered out as he began to scan the water for the larger mother’s skin, tail or whirlpool caused by the large creature. Oddly enough besides the adolescence Nessie there didn’t seemed to be any other sign of giant reptiles, which someone quickly took notice of.

“Where are ze creatures?” Monique questioned the group as she began to critically scan the area in case of any traps, but nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. Until the young Nessie began to act odd as it began jump in the water, splash around like a happy child; and soon the little reptile began swim towards a certain area of the loch.

“Woah, what's got Nessie Jr in such a rush?” Randy asked the group as they watched the young monster rushed towards to the east side of the lake, and carefully the Heat team began to follow the young monster. Once the young Nessie stopped the team began to notice an odd site, it was Godzilla hiding among the trees. The younger monster let out something that sounded like a mix between a human chuckle and a sea lion bellow with her head aimed at the larger monster. Soon the massive dinosaur like monster rose up and showed the the passengers on the Heat Seeker a rather odd or amazing sight, the king of mutations leaned down to the young monster and nuzzled it like cat would do with a kitten.

“Did he just?” Elsie turned to look at Nick who looked just as confused as the rest of them. Hearing waves splash against the side of the boat, everyone braced themselves as mother Nessie rose her head out of the water nearby, giving a gentle rumble before spraying both Godzilla and Nessie Jr with a broad blast of water from their maw.

“Are they...playing?” Craven asked in disbelief as Nessie swam over to nuzzle her child and Godzilla, the larger Kaiju letting out an answering rumble, making a weird sort of tune that echoed across the water.

“It seems like they are.” Nick answered just as surprised, Randy already pulling out a hand camera to get the sight before them as Nessie, Nessie Jr and Godzilla all seemed to talk to each other and were more relaxed than any of them had seen, outside of being asleep. “When do think this happened?” Nick said, seeming to put the question to all of them,

“I don’t think this is a recent thing. I mean they were okay with each other when they met the first time” Craven mused aloud. As they thought they hadn’t noticed the boat drifting on the current closer to Nessie Jr. As they were all talking amongst themselves the young kaiju took notice of them and made their way over, poking their head over the edge to listen.

“Mutation distance at maximum.” Nigel beeped out as he began to drive away from the young creature and to the otherside of the boat, as well as into the loch.

“AAahhhh.” The robot screeched as it sank to the bottom. Hearing the scream the entire crew turned to see Nessie Jr watching them and a few of them yelled in panic. The sudden noise made the mutant jerk back and make a small, upset sounding noise, Godzilla and Mama Nessie’s heads immediately swung around to look at them.

“Ooooh crap” Craven hissed,Nick quickly put his hands out and put himself in between the HEAT crew and the kaiju,

“It’s okay. You’re okay” he said softly, Nessie Jr cocking their head to the side, as if trying to understand and was curious about Nick. Godzilla nudged the young monster to the scientist as if to tell her it’s true, but that moment was ruined when an angry voice called out over the sound of an approaching outboard motor.

“Oi, ya bloody gits leave those two alone!!” All heads turned to the voice to see a small metal dingy carrying a barrel-chested, middle aged man with shocking red hair and beard streaked with grey, dressed in a heavy, black trench coat, and a kilt.

“Bless me bagpipes! That’s Bearnard Allanach, wot is e doing ere!?!” Hammish exclaimed in shock as Bernard’s boat pulled up alongside them. Nessie Jr looked confused and slid back into the water, moving behind Bearnard’s boat. Nick moved to the edge of the Heatseaker and looked down,

“Um, hello there. Can we help y-?” he asked before the man cut him off,

“Yes you bloody can!” Bearnard barked, “Ye can leave Nessie and Nelly alone fer one. And fer two ye can get the hell off the loch” Nessie Jr gave a soft sound and nudged Bearnard’s shoulder, making the man pause his tirade, turning to pet her nose, “You doin’ alright wee Nelly? I didne mean to scare ya, ye know that righ?” he cooed and Nessie Jr gave a happy, chirping noise. Nick watched on amazed, even more so that momma Nessie was seemingly talking with Godzilla to calm the larger kaiju.

“Wait. They like you?” Nick said and Bearnard shot him a glare,

“A’ course they do. The Allanach Clan have looked after the Ladies of the Loch fer generations, e’er since we settled here” he said bluntly, still stroking Nessie Jr’s nose. Nick smiled,

“If that’s the case can we invite you on board? I think we have a bit in common” Bearnard looked a bit wary but Nessie Jr gave him a nudge,

“A’right. Toss a ladder and I’ll be right wid ya” In a few short moments Nick and Randy tossed down the rope ladder for the rather cross Scotsman, and soon enough he was on board the Heatseeker.

“Alright, I’m here now get off the Loch.” Bernard demanded and Nick held up his hands defensively,

“Hang on a second Mr Allanch. If I could direct your attention that way” he said as he pointed over to where Nessie and Godzilla were ‘talking’ to each other, Nessie Jr swimming over to the two larger kaiju to nuzzle at them both.

“Wot’s the big lizard with Ness and Nell?” he asked and Nick smiled,

“That’s Godzilla. From America. And I think he sees me how Nessie and Nessie Jr-”

“Nelly” Bearnard huffed and Nick nodded,

“Right, Nelly” he amended, “how they see you” he explained and Bearnard raised a brow,

“So, Godzillah there listens to ya?” he asked.

“It depends if Junior is in a mood or not.” Elsie joked but was shot a glare from Nick to act like an adult for this moment.

“Yes he does, he sees me as an adoptive father.” Nick seriously informed the scotsman who looked unconvinced but seeming to understand,

“From what I hear yer Godzilla’s been a menace” he huffed, “Maybe cause ya still treat ‘im like a wild animal”

“How else are ve supposed to treat him?” Monique asked Bernard,

“How about like family?” he said, moving over to the edge of the Heatseeker and his demeanour seemed to flip, “Nelly~! Come here ya wee troglodyte~! Uncle wants a cuddle~!” Nessie Jr’s head shot up and, getting an affirmative from Mama Nessie, sped through the water towards the boat. Stopping short she bowed her head down to nuzzle at the scot, making a sound akin to a happy purr, Bearnard cooing all the time. The Heat team and Hammish just looked in shock at what just happened, the mutation just allowed a human to pet it like it was an animal at a petting zoo. Meanwhile Bernard just gave the team a cocky smile as he continued to pet the young monster. “Y’see. This is what happens when ya act like family” he looked over to Nick, “Care to try it with your beastie?” he asked, motioning to the dingy.

Nick seemed hesitant at first but he then walked toward the dingy and  boated to the two monsters, the two looked down at the lone scientist especially Godzilla. Soon he outstretched a hand,

“Hey Junior. It’s me” he said softly, kinda feeling a bit awkward and unsure. Soon the giant lizard mutation leaned down to the scientist and closed his eyes, and Nick began to pet him like a dog. The scientist just let out a small chuckle as this happened. “That’s it son.” Nick said softly, Godzilla making a soft, rumbling noise, seeming to enjoy the attention, “is this all you wanted? A little bit of love?” he asked and Godzilla gave a louder rumble, as if in affirmation.  

Back on the boat, Randy had the camera out. Elise, Monique and Hammish were looking stunned, Craven was thinking about what this all meant and Bearnard was just smiling, still with a hand on Nelly’s neck.

“See what I mean. A little bit a’ trust ‘nd affection can do wonders” Bearnard said proudly. Soon enough Nick came back to the boat, an expression of true wonder on his face and Bearnard moved over to clap him on the shoulder, “C’mon lad, let’s get back to mine fer some tea and a chinwag” he said and Nick nodded,

“Lead the way” he said. Bearnard jumping back into his dingy and leading them to a rather large four story house with a dock on the south end of the Loch by the river. All of them piling out over the dock and up into the home that felt like it had been lived in and fixed up over generations. “C’mon, let’s get comfy” Bearnard said, leading them into a sitting room filled with soft couches, chairs and low coffee tables, “Settle yerselves, I’ll make tea” he said before leaving them all to talk.

“ I gotta say jefe what you did took some guts.” Randy complimented as he began to make himself comfortable on one of the couches, taking up most of the space as he laid on it.

“How did you know he wouldn’t kill you?” Monique asked as she leaned against the wall, looking at the area to see if they needed an escape route. Soon though Bearnard came back with a large silver platter with refreshments ranging from simple tea to ale, with a few sandwiches as well.

“Aight laddies and lassies, how long ave ye known the black beasty?” Bearnard asked the Heat Team as he sat down in a rather large ornate chair with what seemed to be fangs on top of the it , his eyes hard and unmoving as he judged the group.

“Well, since Godzilla was a baby. I found him in the sewers just after he hatched” Nick said, grabbing a cup of tea, “He seemed to have bonded to me, like a baby chick to its mother” Bearnard smiled

“It’s more than that laddie” he said, picking up a glass of ale, “You showed that today. That there beastie has picked ya ta be their spokesman, so ta speak” he said and the entire crew looked at Nick then at Bearnard,

“What do you mean? Godzilla bonded with Nick because he was the first living creature he saw out of the egg” Elise said and Bearnard shook his head,

“They’re smarter than ya give them credit fer lass” he said, “All these big beasties could be smarter then all’a us. They feel like we do, as you could see with Nessie, Nelly and your Godzilla” he said with a smile, “And as I said, me family’s been lookin’ after the Ladies of the Loch fer generations. They know who are good folk and who ain’t” he added proudly, though there was still an air of confusion in the room.

“Wait so Jefe is going to start signing the Big G for contract deals?” Randy asked as he picked up a sandwich from the tray, of course the more adult members just rolled their eyes at the terrible joke.

“  Tha's not wha' 'm gettin' at ya numpty. I mean yer the one they go ta fer talkin' ta people!” Brandon exclaimed to the young the young hacker a glare which caused him to slightly falter under the gaze of the scotsman.

“Wha’ I mean is ‘aht the beasties ‘re protectors and they need someone ta speak to and fer ‘em.”  Bernard further explained as he took a sip from his cup to soothe his throat from all this group of tourists were giving him. Nick currently had his hand stroking his chin in thought, but soon a thought  came into his mind.

“Bernard if us and our respective monsters have this type of bond who else does?” Nick asked the Scotsman who quickly tried to answer but no answers came out and began to think about what the mutant scientist just said. As he did all around the world odd occurrences, an earthquake in the desert, a volcanic island began to smoke, all over Australia sandstorms were blowing across the continent, just off the coast of Africa the ocean began to froth and bubble, lastly inside a secret lab a new life and a new sport was born.

[5bi5]

Caroline for the song name thingy

Call Me - Blondie

All I Need - Within Temptation 

Rewrite the Stars - The Greatest Showman Cast

Old Man - Redlight King

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

I’m a Mess - Ed Sheeran

Numb - Linkin Park

Emily - Mika

[livesets-dj-mixes-edm-podcasts]

Download Westwood Radio 041 - Funkanomics for free now!

Artist: Show: Westwood Radio 041 – Funkanomics Quality: 320 Kbps 48000 Khz Genre: House, EDM Source: RSS

Listen or download more Westwood Radio episodes HERE

Westwood Radio 041 – Funkanomics Tracklist

01. Westwood Intro 02. Muadeep-De Niro (unreleased) 03. Addison Groove-Brand New Drop (Thys RMX) 04. Muadeep-Return of the Ronin (unreleased) 05. Vorso-Needle (QZB RMX) 06. Morelia GTFO (Sinnistarr RMX) 07. Aquarian-The Snake that eats itself Tarp 2 (Original Mix) 08. Toni Morrisons- powerful words on racism 09. Walton- Djembe 10.Artist unknown-To Rave 11.Snap- The Power (Jump&Hide RMX) 12.Marten Hørger& Skii Tour-Redlight (Iko Mowsa&Funkanomics RMX- unreleased 13.Muhla-Portland 14.Dennis Ferrer-Mind your step 15.Walton-Rolla 16.Funkanomics-Mole in the Ground (unreleased) 17.Borai- Skrrrt 18.Bakongo- Grind 19.Posij- Pump Pump 20.Shelley Parker-Angel oak (Play RMX) 21.Deft-Zimma 22.Tricky-UK Jamaican 23.Siriusmo-SuperFX 24.DJ Plead-Shoulder Pop 25.Funkanomics-Acorn Love 26.Whipped Cream-LUV 27.Ben E. King-Spanish Harlem 28.Valentina Khan-Deep Down Low 29.Ac Slater&Chris Lorenzo-Fly Kicks (Tsobh Edit) 30.The Beatfreakz-Feel so Good 31.Featurecast- Party starter (Kill a Man Edit) 32.Unknown-La noche del DUB 33.Umoja-Mo Fiya 34.Ivy Lab-Gutted 35.Unknown-Pax 36.Wax Wreckaz feat Javada-Bun Dung 37.Dizzee Pascal-Old Skool 38.Ali Kuru-Beyhude 39.Guzzi-Cloud Forest 40.Pastaboys feat Osunlade-Deep Musique (Rampa RMX) 41.Clap! Clap!- Ode to the Pleiades (Photay RMX) 42.Asusu-Serra 43.Reid Willis- Childhood Wonder

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[doyourememberrocknrollradio]

Redlight King - Old Man

[the--blackdahlia]

Music Tag Game

I may or may not have stolen this from @sweet-sammy-kisses

Rules: write 10 songs that you’re currently obsessed with and then tag 10 other blogs.

1.) Dream Warriors-Dokken

2.) The Chain-Fleetwood Mac

3.) Simple Man the Jensen Ackles Version

4.) Yellow Flicker Beat-Lorde

5.) The Show Must Go On-Queen

6.) Play With Fire-The Rolling Stones

7.) Ocean Front Property-George Strait

8.) Old Man-Redlight Kings

9.) Night Moves-Bob Seger

10.) Why You Wanna Break My Heart-Tia Carrere

Tagging: @petrovadixon @sheris532 @hiddles-in-the-tardis-with-pie @sabigmart @marvel-af @ladyninasayers-ish @bandobsession98 @policeofficerskeet and anyone else who wants to do it

[pridexjoy]

Tagged By: Myself??

Tagging: Whoever wants to steal it!

Whether it be melodies that give you inspiration for your muse or songs that get you into the writing mood — pick 10 songs you find to give you the urge, the drive, or the creativity to write for your muse — then tag your favorite peeps to get an insight on their musical inspirational feels.

Songs To Write Demitri To:

1) Under The Knife - Icon For Hire

You knew the deal, no one gives a damn  /  Just another needy kid, sob story in hand.

I see you at my shows, scarred up from head to toe  /  Like there's no point even trying not to let it show.

And I mean does this mess with any of the rest of ya  /  It's an epidemic yeah we're cool with it don't question it  /  But it bothers me our scars are currency by which we're measured  /  Like let the records show who let it slip and who held it together.

2) Old Man - Redlight King

Everything that I needed  /  I got it from the old man.

Old man look at my life  /  ‘Cause I'm a lot like you.

3) Hate Me - Blue October

Hate me today  /  Hate me tomorrow  /  Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you  /  Hate me in ways  /  Yeah, ways hard to swallow  /  Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

4) One For The Money - Escape The Fate

When there's nothing left to burn, hear the silence  /  Hate me, you can't escape me and you ain't ever gonna change me  /  I can't stand it, I've fucking had it, I'm about to blow...  /  ‘Cause it's one, it's one, one for the money.

5) I’m Gonna Show You Crazy - Bebe Rexha

I don't need your quick fix  /  I don't want your prescriptions  /  Just 'cause you say I'm crazy  /  So what if I'm fucking crazy?

6) I’m Not Alright - Shinedown

I like to stare at the sun  /  And think about what I've done  /  I lie awake in my great escape  /  I like crossing the line  /  It’s for losing my mind  /  Are you okay  /  'Cause I feel fine  /  Maybe it’s me  /  I'm just crazy  /  Maybe I like that I'm not alright.

7) Therapy Session - NF

I put it all in this microphone, think about that for a minute  /  What is the point of this song, I'm just venting but what you expect from a therapy session?

Don't get me started  /  You wanna know what it's like if you met me in person?  /  Listen to my verses.

8) Sham Pain - Five Finger Death Punch

The label tried to sue me, TMZ tried to screw me  /  Blabbermouth can fuck itself 'cause they never fucking knew me.

They say I'm overrated, that I should've already faded  /  Give a shit about it all 'cause I love to be so hated.

All in all it's a good life I got what I want  /  I can't complain  /  I'm living the good life a toast to you now  /  It's all sham pain.

9) Warrior - Kesha

We are the misfits,  /  We are the bad kids,  /  The degenerates.  /  We ain't perfect but that's alright.

10) Stop Me - Natalia Kills

Darling darling  /  You know I never meant to drag you down,  /  Standing at the bar  /  With your scars and your lonely heart,  /  So let's leave this dead end town.

If I, if I  /  Run away with you tonight, tonight  /  We could make the wrongs feel right, so right  /  We could do some damage,  /  Fuck me in the Paris lights.

[stenka-razin]

Me trying to recall every band I’ve ever seen

Below the cut. As you will no doubt infer, some were a struggle to recall.

Front Line Assembly The Secret Machines Common Some House guy The Creepy Magicians (2X) Xanthos Polygon Fighting Team Some random band that showed up to the show we hosted The Mars Volta Machinehead Megadeth Heaven & Hell Lauren Harris Iron Maiden (2X) Ghost Some grindcore band that didn’t look at the crowd, opening for Wet Nurse (did not see Wet Nurse) Drugs of Faith Lord Mantis Secret Chiefs 3 Saul Williams Les Claypool (Fungi Band) Electric Six (12X) Living Things The Gay Blades Millions of Brazilians Kitten Some punk band that opened for E6 and covered Whole Lotta Love (4/20/12) Little Hurricane My Jerusalem That E6 opener on the Human Zoo tour Yip Deceiver In the Whale Dingleberry Dynasty The E6 opener from the How Dare You tour Buckethead That 1 Guy (3X) Between the Buried and Me Baroness Mastodon (2X) Dick Valentine Suburban Commandos or something Aquabats Reel Big Fish (1.1X) Pearl and the Beard The Future (no not him) Some highschool post punk band Tiger Scout Carbon Leaf Das Racist Despot Lakutis Danny Brown Gene Ween Old Guy With a Uke that opened for Gene Ween Dean Ween (4X) Ween (2X) Primus (2X) Clutch Sick Martian Architect Mike Dillon Keith Kenny AWOL Nation The AWOL opener that sounded like the Killers with a good bassist Redlight King Reid + Drummer Reid + Drummer + Guitarist Reid + Another Dummer Austra Cold Cave (2X) Drab Majesty Mindless Self Indulgence Morningwood Wolff and Tuba Iron Man (3X) Spirit Caravan Pilgrim Zekiah Some random Hardcore band opening for Iron Man and Zekiah Yob (2X) Ruins of Beverast Tombs Taake (2X) Agalloch (2X) Inquisition Vattnet Viskar Young and in the Way Bastard Sapling Jex Thoth Vektor Ufomammut Bongripper Earth Goblin Claudio Simonetti’s Goblin Zombi Anaal Nathrakh Demilich Goatsnake Amorphis (2X) Iris Divine Eyes of the Nile Mongrel Dopecopper The Pilgrim (2X, different band from the aforementioned “Pilgrim”) Wounded Giant (2X) Ashencult (2X) Dweller in the Valley Oak Pissgrave Cemetery Piss Dead Congregation Mantar Lamb of God Anthrax Deafheaven Power Trip North Conan (2X) Electric Wizard Satan’s Satyrs Sleep Windhand Mannequin Pussy Wing Dam Genevieve Snakefeast (2X) Mother Moon Youth Code (3X) Clipping. Curse Bongzilla Psychic TV Corpse Light (2X) Chelsea Wolfe KMFDM OhGr Screaming Females Pathogenesis Purrer Outer Spaces Street Eaters Code Orange Some other hardcore band opening for Code Orange The dream pop person opening for Code Orange Eric Arn & Margaret Unknown Super Flower Alex and an old guy with a drum Flock of Dimes The Mountain Goats Plow Chris Forsyth & the Solarmotal Band Arbouretum Jucifer They Might Be Giants Destroyer of Man Order of the Owl guy w/ acoustic n’ looper who opened for the Mountain Goats Buzzov*en Weedeater ⅔ Goats Muskethawk Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats Ruby the Hatchet Wildhoney Pizza Underground Dude who opened for Pizza Underground Patti Smith (2X) TV on the Radio Okkervil River James Murphy Teddy Bears Alexandria Kleztet The Wailers Matisyahu B.B. King Some white blues band opening for the King The Black Keys Circulatory System Neutral Milk Hotel Holy Ghost New Order Another random Ska band, opening for TLA Thee Lexington Arrows Holy Fuck Death Domain Other random Hardcore band at this Iceage show (did not see Iceage) Ilsa (2X) Old Man Gloom Neurosis Winter Skepticism Primordial Masacre Mgła Cancer At the Gates SubRosa Phobodeimos