#Oh my god the descriptions for everything are so insane like just how heartfelt everything Eusine does feels from the way he wishes to—

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

I’M GOING INSANE IM GOINGN INSANE IM GOING INSAN

"please forget your scarf in my life" | sacredshipping

There was simply no time to stay in one place for more than three days when the legendary beast he sought for could cross large distances in a single leap. Consequently, he packed light for his strenuous journey, and any memorabilia that he brought along was regularly accounted for before each departure.

Leaving Ecruteak was always an exception.

No, that wasn't quite right, Eusine pondered. It was leaving Morty that was the anomaly here.

Or: after another stay at Morty's home when he visited Ecruteak City, Eusine forgot one of the most important thing he possessed— a sketchbook containing drawings of the best friend that he grew to love. Who knew that something wonderful could be born from this life-changing mistake?

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

The Chopped Madness Champion is….

@the-most-beautiful-broom​

the-most-beautiful-broom was a steady force in this competition, writing everything from a Canonverse Bellarke Robin Hood Fairy Tale AU to a Marper Titanic Angst AU (+ Marper Aeronauts Angst) to a Political Aassassins Memori Dystopia AU to a Zaven Spider-verse Superheroes AU to a Luna/Lincoln Mirror Universe Thriller AU and they were all FANTASTIC! That’s six (6!) fics and 31k words during the weeks of this competition! You deserve the title of CHOPPED MADNESS CHAMPION! Congratulations! Check out all her fics below:

Qualifying Round Fic: we'd up and fly (if there were wings for flying)

Mods’ Review: Robin Hood was such an awesome fairtytale to choose, we loved this fic! You were really able to bring us into the world of your story so well! Your description of Wells’ death was great, and it really helped bring us into that “robin hood medieval” world that this story needed! And, obviously, we LOVE wells, so this death was so rough, but so well done!! We really loved Villain Kane, the whole quarry/slavery/chancelor kane concept was so good and so well executed! We really loved the concept, with Bellamy as Robin Hood and Clarke as Maid Marion! It was so great, we need more!! Bellamy being so badass, and putting his name on the packages to make sure Kane knew it was him, was EXCELLENT! We love a Hero!Bellamy plot, but let’s be real here… who doesn’t! We also really loved your little hand washing tutorial, always important, but even more so now… your corona is showing ;)! Bellamy giving Clarke the ring that Wells gave him for her was so sweet! You always manage to bring in such soft, sweet character moments that really bring your stories so much life! This story had so much heart to it, and we loved every word! 

Round 1 Fic: Macushla & Both

Mods’ Review: The whole concept of the Macushla fic, the Titanic and the “road trip” being them on their life boat trying to escape, was so creative and exciting. You were able to really nail this setting and story, we loved this fic! Harper just absolutely murdering that journalist was such an awesome opening scene!! The set up of the sinking ship and her trying to find her way to a lifeboat was so good! We were on the edge of our seats, you really established the life or death nature of the situation really well! Also, we love the touch of Monroe being involved somehow! Harper trying so hard to get more people aboard their lifeboat was so harrowing and sad to watch, and it was a really nice touch to see her pushing the people onboard to do their part, and shaming them when they didn’t. It was a really nice character moment for Harper, and felt very true to who she is. Harper choosing to steer the ship was so good! It really added to the story to see how much she wanted to be a part of the effort to help in whatever way she could. She was a heroine we wanted to root for! You were really able to craft this story exceptionally well, and we loved reading it!

We also have to add your Aeronauts AU, Both, to this review! We can’t believe you wrote two fics this round and we’re sorry you couldn’t enter them both for the competition! But we are glad we get this fic in it’s entirety! It’s so beautifully written and a really great look at Harper and Monty. Going from Strangers to Lovers in a hot air balloon “road trip”, was mesmerizing. And it had just the right touch of angst that had us going back to read this fic over and over. Thanks so much for sharing it! 

Round 2 Fic: Good to be Back

Mods’ Review: Big fan of the opening, with the radio calls back and forth! It gave the audience the information we needed to get going with the story, while also adding some mystery and suspense as well! Murphy selling salt cubes, and using saltwater as currency, was so creative and fun! It was a nice touch of world building that really added depth to the story! Abby’s death leading to a political coup of some kind was such a great plot line, and it set up your fic so well! Assassins is always such an exciting plot! The “accidental death” assassination was so cool, it showed the expertise that Emori and Murphy have in their line of work, and it was a really cool scene. Hiding the syringe in a tampon wrapper? Genius!! Forced bed sharing to keep up with their married couple facade? Oh the angst! We love a good wake up scene, all sleepy and cute while they lovingly gaze at the other person, and this was no exception! You were able to add such a nice touch of romance and sweetness to a pretty gnarly story, well done! The Resistance pushing Murphy and Emori out after they did their dirty work for them is so good, it made the story feel even more real, and the stakes even more intense! The fact that the reaction to the death by the government was mass destruction was so unsettling but also so believable, you really created a very real dystopia that had us white knuckling it throughout the whole story! Loved that ending, of them planning to keep the work going, and try to save the world. Memori as sort of underground heroes is always a great storyline! This fic was so good! 

Round 3 Fic: Into the Blue

Mods’ Review: It’s amazing how you managed to capture the very essence of the Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse movie into your fic! Raven’s introduction to the Other Times Square (and to us) was the perfect setup! We became obsessed with all your character choices, too! Raven as Gwen, Miles/Zeke as Spider-man, Jordan as Miles, Octavia as Doc Ock!, Jasper as Prowler, Diyoza as Aunt May, Madi and her robot, Bellamy as Spidernoir and Murphy as Spider-Pig?! SO CREATIVE! The added layer of angst you weaved between these characters is something to behold. The simple glances between Zaven and lines like, “The universe gives her back her best friend for him to not know her, to be older and colder and to not know her. And then kills another version of him, just for fun.” Or “Who was your Jasper?” Raven had been alone in her world and you explored the found family trope so wonderfully in this fic. “It’s been so long since she let herself rely on others...a part of her wants to go back with each of them. She doesn’t do friends. This feels a little more like a family.” Cue the tears as they all said goodbye and Raven went into the blue!!!  And the final scene much later as she goes into yellow hinting at more for Zaven is just perfect. We enjoyed this fic so much!!!!

Round 4 Fic: we cross our bridges and burn them behind us

Mods’ Review: We love the idea of a Science Squad who are HELLBENT on proving the multiverse, it feels so true to the sci-fi thriller genre, to have a team of ‘good guys’ who make some discovery, and then have to deal with the repercussions. Also, such a nice touch, using Nadia’s last name for Luna. It’s a nice change from the ‘water’ based last names that Bailey is definitely guilty of lol. The escaped double is an excellent concept, and so very exciting! Honestly, HOLY SHIT. ALIE leveled midtown in like four hours?! That's Insane! You are always so deft at creating real tension within your stories, while still making sure they have real meaning and emotion behind them, and we love that you never pull your punches! “I don’t do teams” “wrong earth for that” FANTASTIC. It's like ‘you will join this found family and you will LIKE IT.’ And from Wells, our hearts! We always love any mention of Wells! We ALSO love a  suspenseful two hour countdown! Very ‘end of the world, 1 man can save us’, like one of those movies where Gerard Butler is somehow the only man who can save the President from certain doom, but obviously in a good way! Raven’s motivational hero speech being ‘nah it’ll be good as long as we get to it’ is so in character and hilarious, we loved it! Oh my god… Jasper’s death scene, Bailey literally had her mouth hanging open. We loved that you had Luna ask if he knew, and the weight of the realization that it was usually Luna, even if he didn’t say it. So much emotion happening in such an intense scene, so well done! The twist that she’s not actually Luna 47!!! SOO well done, we can’t deal! And it makes the scene a little earlier, where Lincoln said “thought it was you” make so much more sense! We were honestly BLOWN away by this fic, it was intense and exciting, heartfelt and sweet, full of deftly handled intense plots and really amazing character moments. This fic was definitely deserving of pushing you over the edge to become our Chopped Champion! 

———

Now that Chopped Madness is complete, all the fics written for Chopped Madness by all authors have been revealed and you can post about your fics! Don’t forget to tag us!

Our non-anonymous collection is still open for anyone who is interested in sharing fics they’ve written based on any of the Chopped Madness prompts! We’d love to see what you come up with, and we’ll happily share your work on our blog! The non-anon collection can be found here! To submit your fic to the collection, simply enter ‘chopped_non_anonymous’ as the name of the collection when uploading your fic!!!

Non-Anon AO3 Collection Link: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Chopped_Non_Anonymous

This is the end of Chopped Madness! Thanks so much to the 16+ authors who participated in this event, we hope you enjoyed it as much as we did!!

[m00nslippers]

What do you think about Accidental movie star! Jason? He's shopping for groceries one day when someone walks up to him and goes "You fit the description of my character perfectly. Please audition for a movie I'm directing." Jason is skeptical, but acting is a passion he has missed so he gives it a try. The movie turns out to be a hit and now all the directors want Jason in their movies

Lol, I like it. He’s just shoppin’ for groceries, minding his own business when he sees a mugger steal a lady’s purse and Jason just leaps into action, doing parkour and shit, just crazy, highly-skilled stuff and punches the guy out and gives the lady her purse back, all without even thinking and delivers a scathing, angry lecture at the robber, like sometimes you’ve gotta steal, he gets it, but you don’t steal from old ladies who can barely afford their medications, in broad daylight, and knock kids into the street to get hit by cars when you run away!

A director of a big action movie, what there when this all went down and he’s just so impressed, so captivated by the guy, he has just great, emotional expressions and voice, these movie-star handsome looks, the height, the body, the physical skills, it’s everything he’s been looking for in this character. Can he act? Who knows, but his looks and abilities are already so appealing that if the guy couldn’t act for shit the movie would probably still sell well just on his looks and the action alone. It’s not like action movies usually need a lot of depth anyway. It’s worth a shot right?

So he goes to Jason and explains himself and gives him a card and a time to show up to audition with the casting director. He asks, do you have any experience acting? Jason’s thinking of all the undercover work he’s had to do over the years and the little bit of drama club he had in middle school and says, a little. Jason is just…really confused by the whole situation. The Red Hood, in a movie? Ridiculous. Sure no one knows he’s the Red Hood, but still. He accepts the card and everything but he doesn’t think he’s going to show up…until he tells the story to Roy so they can laugh about it, but Roy is like, “No, you should do it! You’d be so good, Jaybird!” But Jason is just like nah nah, I ain’t gonna embarrass myself, but Roy is serious.

So then Roy enlists Dick and suddenly everyone Jason knows is demanding he show up for this goddamn audition. Cass is saying how he’s always doing all the voices when reading to her and it’s so good, and Alfred as talking about how Jason would read Shakespeare opposite him in the evenings and how he’s always trying to get him to do community theater, Tim’s got a bunch of recordings from their undercover work where he embarassed a bunch of evil scientists by making them looks stupid and it doesn’t prove anything but it is funny to watch them because everyone fully believes Jason is some super-evil taskmaster sent by their boss to get results, Bruce is trying to break out the recording he made of Jason’s middle school play…and finally Jason is just like, “Fine, I’ll go! They’re just going to tell me it was all a joke and to never darken their door again but if you need an opportunity to laugh at me, whatever, I’ll appease you assholes.”

So he shows up to the think, and like he thought the casting director isn’t keen on some rando with no credentials showing up to audition but the director is there too and is super enthusiastic so maybe it was a joke on the casting lady instead of on Jason. But they give him a script and have Jason read opposite some lady who is apparently a famous hot actress but he doesn’t pay attention to that stuff so he doesn’t really recognize her. So they start to do the reading, where the love interest is trying to make the hero leave his life of running-and gunning behind to live happily ever after with her and the hero gives her some bullshit like, “This is what I am, I’m no good for that life, I’m just an empty shell, blah blah blah.” The typical poor attempts to put some emotional stakes and depth into a movie that’s just a vehicle for stunts, so no one is expecting much but–

Jason just kills it. Like, holy shit. he can do angry, he can do heartfelt and hesitant and torn and determined and the full emotional range. He’s not stilted or putting on some fake tough guy exterior, he just completely sells both the pent up rage of a hollow man left with nothing but violence, but also the man who wishes he could have had another softer, happy life, who really loves someone. They casting director is floored, she’s trying to hire him immediately and the director is looking so smug, and the actress is looking him up and down with interest like already planning the headlines where it’s revealed he’s her newest fling. And Jason is just thinking, that was pretty fun but I doubt this will amount to much, but to his surprise he’s already getting a contract shoved down his throat and they’re trying to push him into signing on for a movie and two sequels if the first one does well and he’s so overwhelmed. This isn’t really happening, is it?

He sits on the contracts a bit and is trying to think of an excuse to turn down a few million dollars that won’t sound completely insane but int he end Steph goes over to his apartment everyday to bug the shit out of him, like, “Oh my God, Jason, I would know A MOVIE STAR! Don’t you know it’s my dream to drive the paparazzi insane by cheekily photo-bombing all of their pics with really stupid stunts and peace signs?” and he points out she already does that with the paps around Tim and Cass and she’s like, “IT’S NOT ENOUGH I NEED MORE.” So he ends up signing the contracts and wondering what he got himself into.

Filming goes well, he does most of his own stunts, makes friends with most of the stunt people and a few of the actors, the lead actress keeps trying to get into his pants but he’s not interested in being front page news (little does he know he’ll make it anyway). Filming completes, he goes home, thinks well that was an experience, and doesn’t worry about it much until he shows up on the red carpet for the release. It’s not a film that’s going to win any Oscars but it’s expected to make some money. He takes Roy as his ‘date’ because he loves stupid action movies and at the scene where he’s pouring his heart out to the love interest Roy straight up cries and a few other people in the theater do too, which baffles Jason. At the end of the film there’s a standing ovation and the director is trying to show Jason off like he’s the star and people are saying it’s going to be a summer blockbuster sleeper hit and Jason is going to be the next big star, like Matt Damon or something, he can do action and acting, but this is pretty standard for movie premiers Jason figures, so he doesn’t take any of the praise to heart, he’s just like, that was an experience I guess.

And then the movie hits theaters. It’s 93% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics like it too and say it’s got great action with a hot new star who somehow manages to put real emotion into tired tropes and how they unexpectedly cried in this film that everyone wrote off as a stunt vehicle with guns and car explosions and gang/mob violence. And people start taking pictures of him and glomping him in the streets and he’s doing the press junket on freaking Ellen and the Late Show with the actress and she still keeps trying to get him to date her although now she’s wondering if he’s gay with Roy because he took the guy to the premier with him instead of family or a girlfriend. And people are already talking about a trilogy for the sequels and now the movie is blowing up in China and some other director is trying to sign him for a drama Oscar-bait role that would usually star someone like Ryan Gosling and he’s just like…how did this happen?

[nebulous-frog]

Not-So-Straight Best Friends

Summary: Based off this post from @pseudophan. Basically, what if Dan and Phil really were queerbaiting us this whole time but suddenly they realized they were in love?

Word Count: 1832

Genre: Getting Together, AU, crack!fic (ish? idek man)

Warnings: Vague descriptions of queerbaiting, swearing, dumbassery, first kiss... honestly idek

Author’s Note: I literally just wrote this in like. An hour or something? Hour and a half? on my phone and then found my laptop to post it. Not entirely sure what this is, pretty sure I was possessed when I started writing, but now we’re here I guess lmao

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

When Dan and Phil first started talking, it was because Dan genuinely wanted editing tips from Phil.

They pretended they became friends after that from a shared interest in Muse, but it really wasn’t anything like that. Instead, their friendship formed from a shared love of sports. The first time they met each other in person, they went out for beers at a pub in Manchester and then kicked a football around at Phil’s place. They didn’t hug, they didn’t have an emotional moment. They did a manly handshake and carried on. That night, Dan slept on the floor, a respectful, definitely-straight, no-homo-possible distance from Phil.

Years down the line, they wouldn’t remember whose idea it was. Dan would suggest it was Phil’s, since Phil was the one who knew about publicity already, but Phil would suggest it was Dan’s, since he was so keen on being friends in the first place. Whoever started it, they had long ago decided to pretend to be in a relationship that they were intentionally hiding from their audiences.

They created imaginary stories and scenarios and sent them out to the public, watching as their fans ate up every last bit of the fake relationship.

It was all an elaborate ruse to keep fans invested and draw in a wider audience. They even made their personas intentionally nerdy to really grasp the attention of a specific demographic.

To really sell it, they went on a few holidays together and tweeted about each other all the time. Eventually, they moved in together, partly maintain the shady lie.

But it wasn’t all a lie. They really were best friends and did everything together, just as any other guy best friends would do. They knew each other’s favorite athletes, attended sporting events together, played wingman for each other (whenever possible, that is; they had to be careful so no fan would see them dating or flirting with someone else).

And so it went for years. Dan and Phil hid their true sports-loving lad personalities from the internet successfully, even going so far as to act differently around friends so they wouldn’t accidentally let it slip. They were content with this, too. It made them money and people looked up to them, respected them, loved them. It was everything they’d ever wanted.

Except it wasn’t.

Dan was totally straight, of course. Of course. But he couldn’t help but admire Phil’s physique. He’d stopped exercising quite so much a long time ago to help with the nerdy image, but his arms were toned in just the right way for a camera not to notice. Plus, it wasn’t like Phil ever took his shirt off on camera. His abs were killer. The only reason they made Dan feel weak was because he literally wasn’t as strong as Phil. Right? Right.

And then Phil started asking Dan to play wingman more often.

“Come on,” he’d whine. “I haven’t gotten laid in ages and you’re such a good wingman.”

And Dan would feel his jaw clench, his hands twitch. “No,” he’d say. “I don’t want to.”

“I’ll buy your drinks, though,” Phil would promise.

Dan would scoff and shake his head.

“Why are you being such a dick?” Phil would accuse with a glare.

And so it went, over and over until Dan finally agreed to just do it already so Phil would quit bothering him.

They went out to a higher-end bar to avoid fans. The lighting was dim and the music was loud to encourage closeness, but Dan just found it annoying. He wanted to go home.

Not long after they arrived and got their beers, Phil bumped Dan’s arm with his own.

“Look at her, over by the loo. Wavy brown hair.”

Rolling his eyes, Dan turned his head to find the girl in question. He could see why Phil had noticed her. Her crop top showed off a flat stomach and her short shorts showed off long legs stuffed into knee-high stiletto boots. Her pale skin shone through the darkness of the bar. Dan turned back to his drink.

“You gonna go talk to her or do I have to?” Dan asked, voice betraying no emotion as he raised his beer to his lips.

“Well, obviously you have to. You’re my wingman, remember? Go talk me up.”

Dan sighed through his nose, too quiet for Phil to hear, and downed the rest of his drink in one.

“Here goes,” he said with a nod at Phil. He crossed the room to stand in front of the girl Phil fancied, thoughts racing with every step. The closer he got, the more repulsed he was by this whole plan. All he had to do was talk to her but that was supposed to get Phil laid and Dan suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t like the idea of Phil sleeping with some strange girl. Come to think of it, he didn’t like the idea of Phil sleeping with anybody. Well. Anyone but one specific person…

Dan stopped a few feet from the girl, eyes wide. He didn’t want to do this. He wouldn’t do this, he couldn’t possibly. It would break his heart, right as he’d finally discovered how it beat. He sized the girl up once more, then turned to look at Phil, who was nonchalantly leaning up against the bar and pretending not to pay attention. Phil would be so pissed, but Dan couldn’t help it. He had to do what had to be done.

He crossed the last few steps towards the girl.

“Hey, that guy over there? Black hair, quiff?”

The girl looked disinterestedly over his shoulder at Phil. “Yeah, what about him?” she asked, clearly suspicious.

“He’s got…” Dan grasped for an excuse- “he’s got chlamydia.”

The girl wrinkled her nose. “Sucks to be him, then.” Then she stalked away, boots clicking on the tiled floor as she walked out the door.

Moments later, Phil appeared at Dan’s elbow.

“The hell was that? You’re usually so good!” he asked, perplexed.

Dan fought the blush threatening to creep onto his cheeks at the compliment and scrambled for an explanation. “She- uh- she said she’s a lesbian.”

Phil frowned. “Oh. Guess it wasn’t meant to be, then.”

“Guess not,” Dan agreed with a pitying nod. “Alright, let’s go home, then. We’ll try another night.”

Phil’s brow scrunched up and Dan had to fight the desperate urge to rub away the wrinkles on his forehead.

“Give up after only one failure? No way, Howell, we’re not going home tonight until one of us gets fucked.”

Dan sighed again. He wasn’t really in the mood for getting fucked, at least, not by anyone who wasn’t Phil.

The realization hit him like a train again, but he had no time to recover as Phil grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the bar so they could scout their options once more.

Phil sent Dan out to try three more girls, and each time Dan purposefully botched the interactions.

Finally, a defeated Phil agreed to give up for the night.

Life continued on as normal for the two of them for a while as Dan desperately tied to figure out what to do with himself. His jealousy had awakened feelings inside himself that he’d never expected to feel and suddenly he wasn’t quite as straight as he thought he was and being around Phil was simultaneously too much and not enough.

He was in love with his best friend. His straight best friend, who he half-pretended to be in love with.

God, it was complicated.

Every little thing Phil did would send butterflies racing through Dan’s digestive system or blood rushing to places it ought not be rushing to and Dan was having a very hard time coping with his body doing all of that all at once and could Phil be a little less sexy for two minutes?

He was a goddamn mess, basically.

And then there came a day when he just couldn’t take it anymore.

They were playing FIFA together and nothing in particular caused it but Phil laughed at something Dan said and he looked so pretty and suddenly there it was.

“I love you.”

Dan’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud to Phil, not ever, and here he had. Shit, what could he do? What should he do? Play it off as a joke? The thought of turning something so serious, so heartfelt, so real into a joke was almost too much to bear-

Phil snorted. “Yeah, of course, I love you, too.”

In a split second, Dan realized he couldn’t keep living like this. He had to come clean.

“No, really.” He paused the game, ignoring Phil’s protests but refusing to meet his eyes. “I love you but, like, not work-related.”

He was met with a deafening silence. The tension was killing him, so he forced himself to look up at Phil.

Shock, confusion, and something unnameable played in his expression, his jaw dropped open and eyes searching Dan’s face. Dan had expected anger, disgust, betrayal maybe, but this was very different. He thought he’d known every possible expression Phil could make after being friends and living together for so long, but this was something new and unexpected and frightening but the tiniest bit exciting, as well.

The seconds crawled by until finally Phil shut his mouth with a soft clop and his eyes stopped their searching, landing on Dan’s mouth. Time stopped then, and then suddenly Phil’s lips were on Dan’s and hands were grabbing and feeling and wandering and Dan felt dizzy with it all when Phil pulled back a few seconds later, eyes wide again and his hands still buried in Dan’s curls.

“I’ve never done that before,” he blurted. “Kissed a guy, I mean. I’ve never felt like this before, either, though, so I guess it makes sense that it would make me do things I’d never done. What the hell is wrong with me? This is insane-“

Dan’s heart sank. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, I understand you don’t feel the same-“

Phil’s lips were on his again and Dan let out a squeak and then a moan as Phil took his bottom lip between his teeth and pulled.

“Sorry, you were getting the wrong idea,” Phil hurried to say when he properly pulled back, hands still in Dan’s curls and holding him in place so he couldn’t chase after Phil’s lips like he so desperately wanted to. “I love you, too, not work-related. Well, I mean, sort of work-related because that’s how I fell in love with you and why I thought this would never happen and wanted a distraction and-“

Now it was Dan’s turn to interrupt Phil.

“We’ve wasted enough time already, don’t you think?” Dan gasped when he broke the kiss.

“I guess you’re right,” Phil replied. “Carry on, then.”

And “carry on” they did.