#Oh my god he was a BOCCHAMA

[lost-in-canada]

新作アニメ『LUPIN ZERO』本予告編公開！12月16日よりDMM TVにて独占配信！

[styomi]

Friday Girl: Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Huangshan Maofeng Tea - Yellow Mountain Fur Peak

Prompt: Sees the others' living space

Quote: "It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line."

Kuga Terunori was in high spirits. Though, it wasn't his usual cheery self. No, this was different. He was in extremely high spirits. Genuine ones. There was some kind of a different spark to the way he moved that wok around, and there was a spring in his step as he served the food he'd made with absolute pride. Heck, he even bothered to thank the men at the Chinese Cuisine RS for taste-testing. Altogether, this odd occurrence made the second seat of the Elite Ten quite interested.

"You got some new spices that will burn my tongue off, Kuga?" Rindō asked, sitting on the chair at the Chinese Cuisine RS, her legs pulled up on it in a very unladylike manner. Nene would definitely scold her if she saw that.

"Maybe," Terunori blew her a raspberry, but still served her food. He knew by then exactly how to avoid questions from the persistent and quite nosy second seat - feed her. Rindō was easily distracted, like a small child or a curious animal. Terunori planned to use every single one of the tricks and tips on how to avoid the Elite Ten in order to hide Mayumi from them.

It wasn't that he was ashamed. No, far from that. Mayumi was nothing to be ashamed about. She was, in fact, everything to be proud of. However, Terunori was all too familiar with the nature of Tōtsuki students and staff. After all, he was one of them. Arrogant, snobby, determined, childish and borderline insane was how he would describe anyone at the school, in just a few adjectives. And, he knew how Rindō was. If she found out about Mayumi, Terunori could kill his peace at The Emerald Dragon goodbye. Rindō would definitely bring the whole council there.

"Eat up, eat up," and so Terunori opted for the safest path out of that minefield. "Eat up and get out. You know, leave, hurry, go, bye-bye sempai!" He shamelessly urged her, waving his hands for her to get out.

"But I'm bored, Kuga!" Rindō bored was always trouble. He knew that he needed to redirect her attention as quickly as possible to something other than his private Friday afternoons. "Entertain me! Kuga!"

"I heard they needed some help with identifying grasshoppers at the Insect RS," actually, he'd been asked to help. After all, they had wanted to spice the grasshoppers up and make them the traditional Chinese way. However, due to the bags being unlabeled, the two types of grasshoppers, differently preserved, had gotten all mixed up. Terunori had never quite fancied eating them, so he'd been avoiding going down to Insect RS and try grasshopper after grasshopper from three shipments of mixed bags.

"Grasshoppers?!" His tactic had worked brilliantly, as Rindō polished off her plate, placing it into the sink and bounding off with glee. "Thanks for the food, Kuga!"

But, Terunori 's hard day was just starting. He hadn't slept that night. In fact, he'd been having trouble sleeping for a while. He knew what he had to do. He just had to do it. But, the task was beyond daunting. It was more daunting than facing Tsukasa in a Shokukegi. Alright, perhaps he was exaggerating. Perhaps it wasn't that bad. But, it still got his hands to falter in their movements through the recipe whenever he thought to what he had to do. The stopwatch dinged, telling Terunori that he had to go if he planned to be on time. And, he had to be on time, because everything had to be perfect. He would make certain that it was perfect.

The Emerald Dragon was busy, as always, when he got there. He was just on time, right past noon. The girl who greeted him at the door wasn't Mayumi. It was the Chinese server who always gave him sly looks, as if she knew a secret even he didn't.

"Welcome back, Terunori-bocchama," she greeted him, giving that coy look once more. Terunori didn't rise to the challenge, though.

"My usual table, Chunhua-chan," he grinned cutely at her, enjoying the slight jump of her eyebrow when he didn't take the bait. "I'll have Huangshan Maofeng, with the pot."

"Understood, young master," Chunhua bowed to him politely, then vanished from the traditional table which he sat at comfortably. It had been at least a month since he'd gone stargazing with Mayumi. And, their Fridays at the Emerald Dragon had changed. She stopped by his table often, just for a chat, and spent her breaks in pleasant conversation with him, rather than alone in the back. On the other hand, that had made it incredibly hard for Terunori to actually get some work done. He would always have different mixes of spices that he would try upon leaving the Emerald Dragon. But, those times were gone now. Now, he left the tea shop with only millions of questions in his brain, scurrying around like his workers when the recipe was new. And, he didn't mind it one bit.

"Hello, Terunori-kun," Mayumi offered him a small bow as she passed and Terunori felt the feeling from before in his limbs again. His hands were trembling, and he ended up squeezing the life out of the small recipe notebook.

"How hey are you?" How did he manage to botch that up?! Hey, how are you? How hard was that? How?! Terunori felt his face flush, hoping for the earth to simply open up and swallow him. But, instead, all that happened was Mayumi giggling, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"I'm doing good, what about you?" Terunori wanted to slap himself and try and get past these yips that he was having. It was beyond embarrassing.

"Good," he chose to stick to one-word answers. After all, how hard would it be to mess those up? "If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?" However, his brain had decided to stop cooperating with his mouth at the most unfortunate of times. And, apparently, it had decided to spill out all the silly pick up lines he'd looked up in the past week. Mayumi's head tilted to the side, in absolute confusion.

"E-eh? What?" Terunori was only aware of his mouth opening again and the blush on his face intensifying to almost impossible proportions.

"Cupid called. He wants to tell you that he needs my heart back." Curse his brain. Work, dammit, not the mouth, but the brain! However, there was no cooperation. Judging by Mayumi's growing smile, she found it beyond amusing. "I'd say God bless you, but it looks like He already did."

"Oh my God!" She finally broke at the last one, bursting into laughter and successfully gaining them the attention of the whole tea shop. Terunori spotted Chunhua practically dying in a corner behind the counter, wheezing. However, his brain wasn't done placing him into yet another degree of mortification.

"Do I know you?" Mayumi's head shot up, the girl trying to hold in her laughter. "Because you look a lot like my next girlfriend." And she lost it again, putting her hands up to physically try to stop him from going for more backup lines.

"Stop, stop, oh God, Terunori, please stop," she wheezed through laughter, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes as she tried to stay standing. "I'll go out with you, just please, no more lines!"

"Today?" He really wished his brain would connect to his mouth and put some kind of impulse control filter on it.

"Sure, today," Mayumi agreed, nodding. Maybe, though, his mouth was doing a fine job of it.

"After work then?" Terunori finally gained some semblance of control over himself, looking at the girl brightly.

"Sur-oh, I can't," Mayumi frowned. "I need to go home to change, because I dirtied my clothes today. I've only got the uniform here." Terunori couldn't help but look down at the qipao which suited her more than he could ever word. It was alright with him, going on a date in that silk dress. Though, he probably wouldn't be able to hold himself back from taking his hands off of her form if she did wear it.

"I can drive you?" he suggested with a shrug. "Then we can decide where to go, Mayuchin?" Terunori could tell that the tension that had been present like a fever in his body was draining, leaving him feeling slightly boneless. Though, he still managed to grin brightly at the girl, slipping into his comfortable persona that he'd developed after entering Tōtsuki.

"Oh, alright then," Mayumi smiled at him, then bowed and walked away to return to her duties. Chunhua passed moments later, tapping him on the shoulder in a rather patronizing manner.

"Nice going, bocchan," she coyly remarked. "Top comedy marks." And she was gone, leaving a horribly blushing Terunori in her wake.

Mayumi didn't live in a 'good' neighborhood. Then again, she didn't live in a 'bad' neighborhood either, if he dared to be a little more objective. Her building was one of the many, almost indistinguishable ones, that lay on the peaceful street. When Mayumi directed his driver, telling him where to park, Terunori couldn't help but stare. The two exited the town car as he asked, unable to stop himself.

"How do you know which one's yours?" With a tilt of his head, arms crossed, the boy glanced between the buildings. Mayumi didn't get offended. Instead, the girl giggled.

"Well, I used to have that issue," she admitted, fishing out her keys and waving him over to follow her into one of the numerous similar buildings. "I used to remember that mine was the fourth after the willowy tree, but they cut it down some time ago. Now, I just kinda know?"

"Ah, instincts," Terunori laughed to himself, and she joined in. The girl led them into the building, the lights turning on automatically. They entered the elevator and she pressed the fifth floor. Her door was on the left, number twenty-three.

"Here we are," Mayumi said shyly, unlocking the door and turning on the lights. Terunori stood still for a second, not really sure how to proceed. The girl took off her coat and hung it beside a tall mirror, toeing off her boots and entering. "Coming?" Terunori nodded, mimicking her actions and following her inside.

It wasn't a big place, he could see that immediately. In fact, compared to his own apartment, it was tiny. To the left, there was a small bathroom, and to the right, a closed room which he deduced had to be her bedroom. The hallway led them straight into the living room, with a small couch, low coffee table, and sitting pillows. There was a soft carpet under their feet, as well. The apartment didn't have a TV, but Terunori spotted a laptop on the couch. The living room connected to an open kitchen, separated only by a small counter, behind which he found a surface designed to making food. Cupboards lined the wall inside the kitchen, and he eyed a tall fridge, as well as a sink and a dishwasher. There was also a microwave and a coffee maker in the corner, which didn't look much used.

"Cozy," Terunori commented, swinging back and forth on the balls of his feet. Mayumi placed her bag next to the coffee table and turned with a nervous smile.

"It's not much, but it's mine," she told him.

"No, no, it's great," Terunori smoothly lied. He felt like it needed more space. He needed more space. Perhaps she could move into his own apartment? Yes, that would be quite nice. He wouldn't mind sharing the space, especially as Mayumi seemed rather tidy.

"It's really not," the girl frowned, letting him know that she'd seen through his lie. "It's smaller than I would've liked it to be. But, this is what I could rent from my salary at the Emerald Dragon. So, nobody can interfere with the space."

"Ah, overbearing family?" Terunori suddenly understood. She didn't want to use her family money to get her own space. She wanted it to be hers. Only hers. Even though he'd never faced that kind of an issue, he could understand it.

"You could say so," Mayumi grinned. "I'm just going to take a quick shower and change, make yourself at home." The girl took out some things from her bag and went into the room near the entrance. Terunori was left awkwardly standing in the small living room. When she exited her bedroom again, he stopped her, despite the change of clothes and the towel in her hands.

"Say, Mayucchi, wanna have our date here?" He smoothly asked. When she looked at him with an inquisitive glance, Terunori quickly elaborated. "I could cook us something and we could watch a movie? I bet you're tired from all the work you did today." With a smile from him, he knew that she was sold.

"Um, alright," the girl agreed. "Then, if you don't mind, let's do that." Terunori eagerly nodded, pushing her towards the bathroom.

"Go, go, shower," he paused in his movements for a second. "Do you like spicy cuisine?"

"As long as it's not too spicy, I'm alright," she told him before he finally pushed her into the small bathroom, catching a glimpse of the insides of the room. A toilet, a low shower, a big mirror and multiple shelves stacked with products.

"Okay, have a good time in the shower," Terunori grinned, closing the door on the girl's amused face. He went back to the living room with a determined face. Terunori wandered into the kitchen, opening the fridge and the cupboards, inspecting her supplies. "Not too bad," he grinned to himself. "I can work with this."

And, Terunori started working his magic. He'd decided on making the usual, traditional Chinese food from the available ingredients. The dishes would be sweet-sour chicken with rice and dumplings, and the nian gao as dessert. He knew that he would have to get a bit creative with the dessert, but the rest could be made with ease from the contents of Mayumi's kitchen.

Terunori found an apron next to the fridge and tied it behind his back, washing his hands at the sink, before he got started. He resisted placing a little more than necessary spices from his back pocket into the chicken while preparing it. He kept holding himself back, as Mayumi wasn't a big fan of spicy things. He got so absorbed in his work, that he didn't even notice when the girl herself joined him, opting to sit on the counter from the living room side.

"Woah, you scared me!" Terunori balked, placing his hand over his quickly beating heart when he turned from the stove, only to see the girl curiously watching him. She giggled, her hand going up to cover her mouth.

"I'm sorry," Mayumi apologized. "You seemed like you were in your element, so I felt bad interrupting," she watched as his hands moved with practiced precision, quickly over the numerous ingredients, getting the dough for the dessert ready. "You seem to be an expert in the kitchen." She mused, making Terunori falter in his movements. He hadn't meant to show her. Heck, he needed to slow down. Terunori purposefully started slowing down gradually in his usual routine.

"Ah, I suppose I'm not that bad," he laughed.

"Where did you learn how to cook so well?" That question made him stop short. Then, his hands continued working as he heard that the chicken was ready for the next stage by the sizzling of the oil.

"Nobody's ever asked me that," he chuckled, thrown off. "I had a caretaker growing up, since my parents were always busy with work," Terunori divulged a secret he rarely brought into the open with anyone. "She had this way of making the house smell really homely, with her cooking. She was Chinese and she always made the spiciest things. I suppose I learned a lot from her." He concluded with a shrug. True enough, he had learned a lot from the woman. But, those had merely been the seeds to the tree he'd grown on his own. His skills weren't those which one would use to cook every day in a kitchen for the family. He was a chef. He was a chef worthy of his 8th Seat, regardless of the spiciness on the menu.

"That's really cute," Mayumi giggled again, making the boy turn around, red-faced, and pout at her.

"Don't make fun of me," he whined.

"Oh, I'm not," Mayumi slid from her spot on the counter, walking over to him while he was finishing up the chicken. "I just find you really cute, Terunori-kun." That got his face to become even redder. And, then she completely destroyed him by snaking her hands around his middle, head resting at his back for a brief moment. Terunori felt his body go into overdrive, suddenly more aware of every place which Mayumi touched, rather than the food in front of him. A gentle kiss pressed right under his ear, before the girl pulled away. "Honestly, I'm surprised that you're this cute. I always thought that you were kind of creepy, always watching me silently." Terunori managed to collect himself enough to retaliate.

"Well, it's kinda hard to gather the courage to talk to a girl for us guys, alright?" He shot back with another pout on his face as he continued checking on the food and adding things here and there.

"True, it must be hard with your sense of direction," Mayumi mused with a smile on her face. "Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line." Terunori balked, turning to her.

"They were all decent, I'll have you know!" That made her laugh, and honestly, he didn't even mind that she was laughing at him. The way she looked at that moment, in her oversized sweater and tights, with that long hair still damp from the shower, laughing merrily in the kitchen, it was more mesmerizing than her working at the Emerald Dragon. She was exquisite, and Terunori knew that he would never let her go.

"Decently hilarious, sure enough!" Mayumi laughed and he couldn't help joining in. Yes, she was truly exquisite, like the rarest of spices or the most delicious of teas. He was certain that he wouldn't be letting her slip through his fingers anytime soon.

That's all for now folks! I hope you enjoyed :D

Next chapter prompt preview:

Prompt: Takes a photo together Quote: "I was going to go for a suave pickup line, but I got all flustered when I saw you."

Looking forward to your feedback on this :D

[petiteredlady]

I watched Polar Night thanks to misu-amane who kindly shared it, and for some reason I took notes while watching. So instead of letting them rot in a forgotten corner of my computer, I’ll share them here!

- Since when does Misu have a younger sister??? (Also it does not count as adding female characters if all of them are dead.) - Oh my god, Misu saying you can't do anything for the people who are dead. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FORESHADOWING. - I think all the water effects are ALSO terrible foreshadowing >< - AMANE WHY ARE YOU LEAVING AGAIN HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING????

- You can feel the ice when Kuroko talks to Ichijima XD That's the kind of interaction I was hoping for!

- Looks like the only uniform Misu was comfortable with was section 4's XD (By the way when did he leave it and why? ôO) - Misu's LOOK when Amane n°2 introduces himself XD

- After a good ten minutes, finally, Mamoru! (Actually prettier than I remembered.)

- I wonder where Amane thinks he's going. And how he manages to ALWAYS have a full battery for his laptop.

- Ooooh looks like Misu found his match! (And Amane n°2 is slightly impressed, that's cute.)

- Now that's the Ichijima I want to see: "You have opinions? I don't care." XD - I wonder if he has flashbacks from when Souma talked about nothing but Haruki XD

- HE SAID IT <3 HE ACTUALLY SAID IT TO THEIR FACES <3 That their uniforms suck <3 Thank you Amane, you're not my favourite for nothing <3

- "Mayo-sama tte yonde yo!" XD WTF Mayo-sama. I'm embarrassed for him and I don't get how he can NOT be embarrassed.

- My god, he said it. Ichijima said Kamikita's name. I'm so happy. I've been waiting for that. (Actually I'm still waiting for them to have scenes together BUT it's a start.)

- The violin scene that only Mayo-sama can hear is so so weird. Like it's clearly supernatural, while Messiah has always been more or less realistic. I thought only the manga had an actual ghost.

- Ooooh thank you Amane for providing nicknames for Amane n°2! Now to choose between "bocchama" and "otouto"... (I like him though, he's so proud and obviously cares a lot about his family and his job, not at all how I imagined him.) - I like how Misu instantly knew the information came from Amane <3 - MY GOODNESS MISU YOU ALSO CALL HIM AMANE N°2 SO I'LL KEEP DOING THAT TOO <3<3 No seriously he was so cool: "I'm saying I can trust your brother,... Amane n°2." *smirks* *leaves* <3

- Dr Three is adorable and I feel like he's a real scientist: really excited at the idea of testing new things XD (Which is why I think Ichijima was a bit negligent in saying "Try not to kill him." like NO TELL THEM NOT TO KILL HIM YOU NEVER KNOW.)

- Now let's be honest it's been 45 minutes and I'm still not sure what this film is about^^' All the plots better tie together at some point, because there are so many of them and I don't understand why >< (Even taking into account my limited understanding of Japanese.)

- I wish Amane would find an actual place to stay. And to charge his laptop.

- Mamoru went to find Misu so he could meet Takano. I'm really happy, even though it's not really about Takano XD (At least we know what he's doing now!) - Thank you Mamoru I too was wondering why Amane would have the Mamiya report. And I wonder if this discussion implies Haruto is alive or not. I hope not, let's not resurrect dead people.

- Poor Amane. Just poor Amane. His life is already complicated enough, and now he has to bathe with strangers XD (I really liked his shower cap <3) - I don't know how realistic it is for Amane, who dislikes hand-to-hand fights and has shown to be not so good, to beat the Olympic judo athlete, but I guess judo has rules while Amane fights dirty. You go Amane. (And it looks like he's having fun <3 He's so happy he can freely beat up a Sakura XD) - My god his FACE when Haku and Eiri come in. EIRI'S FACE. JUST EIRI. You don't say "hisashiburi", you don't point out he lost weight, you just... DON'T.

- Kuroko looks so, so cool. I'm really glad I got to see Kotani Yoshikazu in that role, because I like him much more now XD (Before Messiah I had basically only seen him in Tenimyu and I wasn't impressed^^") - I squeed in Akatsuki and I squeed again, because "Momose Tatara" is such a cute name.

- Haku and Eiri are so so so cute. I'm not sure why they wanted the actors back, but I'm really happy that they are <3 (And they look happy that Amane is cooperating so I'm proud for Amane <3)

- FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING- ICHIJIMA DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO ARIGA!! Poor Ariga still dealing with the fact he killed Mamiya, now learns his former Messiah has probably been dissected. Please stop hurting Ariga. - Actually stop saying anything related to Mamiya when Ariga can hear it. He's suffered enough. - And now Amane's uncomfortable too. This whole incident is a mess. - OF COURSE MAMIYA HAD TO HAVE A COPY OF THE MESSIAH STRADIVARIUS. I'M A MESS. ARIGA IS A MESS. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.

- AMANE CAME BACK. I'M SO HAPPY. MISU IS HAPPY. - They're so synchro. So are Haku and Eiri. All my favourites are so perfect how am I going to survive. - They're so proud of hating the Sakura uniform, it's adorable <3 - Oh good, everyone's here now XD (And once again Misu says the same thing I did. Thank you Misu.) "Amane Yasuchika!" "Yo, otouto." <3

- I've been waiting for Haku to say "Nice da." ^o^ ... Even though the circumstances are terrible.

- Oh, I didn't expect Suwabe to die O_O Protecting Misu no less >o< - Ok the guy attacking Misu had a pretty cool weapon.

- I can't believe I'm willingly watching that knowing what's going to happen. Amane's already panicking so much, I don't think I can live through that >< - Oh my god, the ultimate decision was Kuroko's. Oh my god. I can't live with that knowledge.

- I had read a theory that Shikura was Misu's father, but it looks more like canon than theory O_O WTF Stop having everyone be related to each other.

- Well, it had been some time since I cried and sobbed that much T_____T Why. Seriously why. You gain nothing by killing Misu. He and Amane deserved a happy end, and that's from someone who loves terrible ends and crying. I had to pause the film because I was crying so much. AND THAT WAS DESPITE KNOWING IT HAPPENED. I'm glad I knew, because I couldn't have handled the shock and the sadness at the same time.

- ... And I still ended up smiling at Yugi and Kogure getting one-hit KO'ed.

- Oh and I loved Ichijima being sadistic. (Moreso since I read in the manga that he lost his legs to the Hanged Man XD)

- I find it terrible that Eiri is wondering whether 'normal people' feel like that when a friend dies, like he's doubting his own feelings ToT Yet he's sort of implying that Misu was a friend so I'm kind of happy too >o< - And finally it's that scene when he accepts a Nanny box <3 - MY GOD THEY WERE TOASTING FOR MISU I'M CRYING AGAIN T________T

- Oh my god HOW IS ICHIJIMA TALKING TO KAMIKITA O___O I don't want to see him like that T-T He's always cool and calm and polite, not... LIKE THAT O_O - I like that Kuroko is obviously displeased because he's 100 % on Kamikita's side but I think Ichijima is in the right. (Unrelated to the fact he's one of my favourite characters.)

- I'm still not ok with there being an actual Mamiya ghost, but my goodness that scene punched me in the feelings and it was amazing. - "Ano toki omae wa tashika ni ore no Messiah datta. Sore wa eien ni kawaranai." THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL I'M GOING TO CRY AGAIN BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH HE'S IMPLYING THERE. Like "I'm sorry I didn't treat you like a Messiah." or "Thank you for saving me." and even "Now my Messiah is Itsuki." >o< (But SORE WA EIEN NI KAWARANAI OH MY GOD ARIGA ToT)

- The bath scene was surprisingly cute and funny. Kogure is definitely my favourite new cadet. I’m (pleasantly) surprised Itsuki didn’t insist Ariga tell him what happened. Mayo-sama was too cool for the pool. Ichijima was naked. Great scene.

- Amane, didn't Amane n°2 tell you not to come here again?? (Thank you Amane n°2 for saying it right after I wrote it.) - Amane bowing to his father was almost as painful as watching Misu die. (Why did I think that now I'm crying again.) - My god his expression when he spills that everyone he ever associated with is dead T____T I can't. I just want to hug him T__T - Yeah well Dad Amane can call him "Yasuchika" as much as he wants and tell him he's his son, he STILL BEAT HIM WHEN HE WAS A KID AND THAT IS NOT EXCUSABLE. - DON'T BOW AGAIN AMANE. - Poor Amane n°2 is panicking. I really like him. Looks like a Lawful Good character, which is really really weird in this series XD

- Well there's a "Thomas Romain" in the credits and while you can get more French than that, it sounds so, so, so very French XD

- Tamaki Yuuki looks really good in a nice suit XD I'm not sure why the glasses though, since Amane has never worn glasses nor contacts. I hope we'll see more of him in the future, because you can't kill Misu then leave Amane's fate to our imagination.

Closing note: I now realise that this movie showed us parts of a main character's death scene in the trailer and we didn't know better. I bet they were cackling to themselves. Monsters. Additional note: I just realised that Haku has now lost another partner. Granted, it wasn’t a Messiah, not even a temporary one, but they did bond at some point and that makes me extra sad.

[presumenothing]

From the author of Steeplechase: "For the record, Chikage’s lie in this chapter, about Kaito falling down the stairs and Hakuba catching him and getting help, would make an excellent H/C fic with the canon versions of the characters. It’s officially up for adoption, if anyone wants to write the thing."

(prompt me anytime!)

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aww look, @ninthfeather​! and it turns out I do want to write 2k+ words of the thing, hope you enjoy 8D

(chapter in question – again, throwing in a rec for the RiR/Steeplechase series, because it is awesome, ‘nuff said.)

also disclaimer that the author is an engineering nerd who knows nothing about fall injuries or treatments beyond cursory google searches, please suspend your disbelief, and apologies in advance to any medicine-savvy folks out there

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on balance

Fools don’t catch colds, as the saying goes.

(AO3)

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It isn’t even a conscious set of decisions, images and realisations flickering past too fast to be called thoughts –

(On reflection, Saguru will think later, regular appearances at Kid heists have clearly trained his reflexes considerably beyond the norm. It’s a… fortunate, if ironic, twist of events.)

– but in the moment, this is what it adds up to: 

Kuroba falls down the stairs, and Saguru catches him, almost too late but not.

.

They’ve both been eyeing Kuroba with suspicion since this morning. 

Granted, this in itself is not unusual for Saguru, but today his reasons are quite different. He watches out the corner of his eye, between quick glances from his notebook to the blackboard and back.

Aoko, on the other hand, hasn’t even bothered with such pretensions. (And not for a lack of an ability to multitask, as Saguru and the rest of the class can attest to.)

Her textbooks are out on the table, yes – not that the teachers would likely have reprimanded her otherwise, since Saguru is fairly certain that the first two rules of teaching class 2-B involve basically leaving the pair to their own devices – but by the last lesson of the day she’s staring at Kuroba outright, worry clear on her face. 

A worry well-founded, as far as Saguru is concerned.

Aoko had managed to get Kuroba to leave school early three days ago, when she’d realised that he was running a fever high enough that he was having dizzy spells – or, more precisely, having trouble concealing his lightheadedness.

(When Saguru asked, Keiko told him that this wasn’t the first time, either; apparently Kuroba had a proven track record of hiding illnesses, and Aoko had put herself in charge of getting him to rest, with varying degrees of success.)

Kuroba was absent for the following two days, but had turned up again this morning, doing his level best at appearing fine while ignoring all rules of human physiology. And well enough that, though Saguru was loath to admit it, even he would’ve been inclined to believe it if the subject of discussion hadn’t been Kuroba, expert gymnast and disguise artist, among other things.

Aoko stands and rounds upon Kuroba’s desk the second the last bell rings, her expression stern enough to rival Baaya nagging Saguru to eat his meals. “That’s it, you’re going home, Kaito!”

Kuroba blinks up at her innocently. “No way, Aoko, or did you forget that we’re supposed to be on cleaning duty today?”

“Oh, Aoko definitely remembers, but did you forget how you were literally running a dangerously high fever just three days ago? You’re not fine!” Aoko snaps back, and Saguru doesn’t think he’s ever seen her this agitated, ever.

Kuroba deftly dodges her attempt to take his temperature – Saguru catches a well-hidden wince at the motion, which is the biggest evidence of Kuroba’s current state of wellbeing that he’s managed to see all day.

“I agree with Aoko-kun,” Saguru says as he walks over. “You might be immune to colds, Kuroba-kun, but that doesn’t exclude fever.”

“Maybe I’m a bigger fool than you think, then,” Kuroba retorts, crossing his arms almost petulantly.

Saguru exchanges a look of frustration with Aoko – any fight against the stubbornness of one Kuroba Kaito doesn’t exactly have the best odds.

“All right,” Aoko says finally, looking back at Kuroba. “You stay here while Aoko and the others clean the classroom, and then we’re going straight back home. Hakuba-kun’s housekeeper can fetch us, right?”

Saguru nods in confirmation at her glance. He and Kuroba are both assigned to clean the hallway outside their classroom today, and while it is a large area for Saguru to cover by himself, it also means that there isn’t any need for the magician to do anything but wait.

Not that Kuroba agrees, of course, but Saguru goes to pack his bag and retrieve the cleaning supplies, leaving the two of them to bicker.

The sooner he gets started, after all, the faster they can get Kuroba home, and if Aoko can’t get the magician to listen to common sense Saguru doesn’t exactly stand a chance either.

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It’s half an hour later when Saguru opens the hallway closet to put the supplies back, and – he doesn’t know if it’s coincidence, or whether he saw something in his peripheral vision without fully registering it, but he turns towards the staircase at the end of the hallway just in time to see –

Kuroba trips over the top stair, and Saguru feels a jolt of cold horror. 

He hadn’t known that Kuroba had left the classroom.

The next few moments are disjointed flashes even in his memory. He recalls taking off at a run, the broom falling with a loud clatter – remembers the leaden realisation that Kuroba wouldn’t be able to catch himself in this state, and Saguru must have taken the stairs two at a time himself, because –

He catches Kuroba not quite halfway down the stairs, holding grimly onto his upper torso. The magician is unconscious, a dead weight in Saguru’s arms.

Thoughts run rapidfire through his mind: he can’t carry Kuroba down himself, not without the risk of aggravating any injuries, and (perhaps more importantly) given the high likelihood of disorientation from the fever and fall combined, Saguru needs someone at hand that Kuroba implicitly trusts. He’s keenly aware that he doesn’t count.

He does a quick mental tally of the group – a total of six students, but Aoko had gone to sort the recyclable trash with two others, which left –

Saguru takes a deep breath, and shouts, pitching his voice to carry. “KEIKO!”

Sure enough, there’s the sound of running footsteps several seconds later, and his other classmate rounds the corner. “Hakuba-kun, wha– oh my god, Kaito-kun!”

“Call Aoko-kun,” Saguru says tersely, cutting Keiko off before she can do anything further. “Hurry!”

That startles Keiko into action, and she nods frantically before dashing back towards the classroom – where she’d left her handphone, presumably.

(Saguru’s own phone is in his pants pocket – he’d taken it automatically upon leaving the classroom, a longstanding habit from needing to be contactable by the police at all times – but he can’t reach it without dislodging Kuroba from their already precarious position on the stairs.)

A small eternity seems to pass as Saguru waits on the stairs, holding himself still while he catalogues Kuroba’s injuries – the magician’s shoulder is a mess, and Saguru is fairly certain that the bruising is going to be extensive, but by some unlikely miracle he seems otherwise uninjured.

Externally, at least, and Saguru is only partly successful in not thinking about the number of possible internal injuries that he can’t see when Aoko runs up to them, slightly out of breath.

He isn’t sure if it’s because Keiko had mentioned the situation over the phone, or whether Aoko is just that level-headed in crisis – either way, her face is pale but remarkably composed as she slows to a stop, several steps below them. “What do you need Aoko to do, Hakuba-kun?”

“Help me get him to level ground,” Saguru answers immediately. “I need to examine his injuries properly, but we shouldn’t risk moving him too far. Is there anyone we should call?”

Aoko bites her lip as she moves to take Kuroba’s legs, and together they manoeuvre him carefully onto the hallway floor before she speaks. “Kaito’s mum – Chikage-san – but she might not be home right now, and Aoko doesn’t have her handphone number.”

Which meant that she was in Las Vegas, probably – Saguru had found out that much about the elder Kuroba during his investigations. He stands up and takes out his own handphone instead, already going to speed dial. “Try to wake him up. I’ll ask Baaya to drive the car over, it’s faster than an ambulance.”

Aoko nods, the same determined look still on her face as she crouches down beside Kuroba’s unmoving form, careful not to jostle his shoulder.

Saguru steps away, checking his pocketwatch as he puts the phone to his ear – four and half minutes since Kuroba fell, to his best estimate. 

Baaya picks up on the third ring. “Saguru-bocchama?”

“Can you drive over to the school?” Saguru asks. “Bring the first-aid kit and ice packs too, please.”

“Of course,” she says briskly, in her usual efficient manner. “Should I call the doctor as well?”

Saguru looks over to where – he sees with a rush of relief – Kuroba is slowly stirring, though Aoko appears to have stopped him from moving. “Possibly, but later. We’ll meet you at the gates.”

Baaya agrees, and Saguru ends the call as he walks back, crouching down as well. “How is he?” 

The question is directed at Aoko, but Kuroba answers instead, which Saguru should really have expected. “Well enough to – ” he grimaces, breathing shallowly, “ – to answer by myself, thanks.” 

“Stop talking!” Aoko says, voice wavering for the first time since her arrival. “What next, Hakuba-kun?”

Saguru evaluates his options quickly – Kuroba seems lucid enough, and he’s probably out of immediate danger. “Can you get something to elevate his head and shoulders for now, Aoko-kun? Baaya’s on her way with a first-aid kit, and we can get him proper medical attention afterwards.”

Aoko heads back towards the classroom, and Kuroba waits until she’s out of earshot before speaking. “You know that I can’t go to a hospital, Hakuba.”

“Did I say anything about hospitals?” Saguru isn’t sure what exactly prompts the objection – most probably some previous injury that Kuroba would have trouble accounting for as a civilian – but he’s prepared for it anyway. “Fortunately for you, I have the Hakuba family doctor at my disposal, and non-disclosure agreements covering any patients I bring in as well.”

The magician would probably have rolled his eyes, if he had been capable of it. “It was just a fall, I don’t need a doctor.”

“I beg to differ,” Saguru says sharply. “You were unconscious for almost five whole minutes, Kuroba-kun, this isn’t something you can brush aside.”

Kuroba blanches a little at that – he hadn’t realised it himself, apparently – and Saguru presses his advantage. “So either you see this doctor, or I tell Nakamori-keibu that you fell down the stairs, and you know how he’ll react to that. Your call.”

That gets a look of mulish defiance in return, but Kuroba finally relents with a stiff nod as Aoko returns, carrying a rolled-up bundle of towels. 

Saguru sends a text to Baaya, asking her to call the doctor, before helping Aoko to arrange the towels under Kuroba’s head and shoulders. 

She glances at him when they’re done. “Are you alright, Hakuba-kun? You’re a little pale.”

The unexpected question startles Saguru, and he belatedly registers the muted roar of a pounding heartbeat in his ears. 

He sits down and forces himself to relax, breathing evenly until the buzz of adrenaline fades and leaves him completely exhausted in its wake. 

Aoko is still watching him with concern, though, so Saguru manages a weak smile despite the feeling that he’d really like to sleep for ten days straight, yes and thank you. (Saguru is a detective, he isn’t exactly cut out for these kinds of emergency situations, honestly.)

“I’ll be fine. Just a little shocked, that’s all.” His expression is probably more wan than reassuring, but it seems to satisfy Aoko, at least. 

She turns back towards Kuroba, who is – falling asleep, Saguru notices with some alarm. Before he can say anything, Aoko pokes the magician, hard. “Wake up, Kaito.”

“Go ‘way, Aoko,” he mumbles, though he does open his eyes again. “Can’t you let me sleep in peace?”

“Oh, you’ll have plenty of time to sleep for the next few days, if Aoko has any say in it.” She leans forward to glare at Kuroba. “Aoko will skip class if that’s what is necessary to make you rest, Kaito, so don’t you dare argue!”

Saguru’s phone buzzes at that moment. “Baaya’s here,” he announces, interrupting what is quickly looking like the start of an argument. “Can you walk, Kuroba-kun? We’ll take the staff elevator down, I hardly think anyone’s going to reprimand us for it right now.”

“Yeah, yeah, no need to bring a stretcher,” Kuroba mutters as Aoko helps him up, and Saguru moves to support him under his good shoulder.

They move down the hallway at a slow but steady pace, and Aoko makes a detour back to the classroom to grab all their bags.

The familiar car at the front gate is an unusually welcome sight. Baaya helps to settle Kuroba in the back seat while Saguru goes to the passenger seat, retrieving two ice packs from the glove box and passing them to Aoko.

“Those should help with the bruising,” Saguru says, somewhat unnecessarily – Aoko is already wrapping one in a clean towel and pressing it gently to Kuroba’s shoulder, eliciting a soft hiss of pain from the magician.

Baaya gets into the driver’s seat, starting the car before glancing over at him. “There’s tea in the thermos if you would like some, Saguru-bocchama.”

Saguru very much does, after the day he’s had, so he goes straight for the silver mug nestled in the console cup holder. The scent of green tea alone – his favourite blend, as expected – is invigorating.

He drinks a third of the not-quite-scalding liquid as they drive towards the Hakuba estate, already feeling considerably more like himself. “You’re a lifesaver, Baaya.”

“Nah, that’s you,” comes a reply from the back seat, and Saguru glances up to find Kuroba looking at him in the rearview mirror. “I owe you one, Hakuba.”

Saguru raises an eyebrow in response. “Indeed. Do me a favour and stay away from stairs, will you?”

“Right.” Kuroba looks away with a chuckle. “That’s probably too much to ask, even for you.”

.

(It isn’t, as it turns out – Saguru doesn’t know how Aoko manages it, but class 2-B gets temporarily shifted to a ground-floor classroom for the next month while Kuroba is on crutches.

Aoko also sends him a photo of Kuroba’s expression when he finds out, and it’s priceless. Saguru still laughs every time he sees it.)

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…um yes I hope nothing here is too unrealistic? it probably is lbr but shh

anyway somebody’s a terrible patient, as far as I’m concerned, in case you were wondering why Kaito comes off as… well, distinctly off… here.

mostly follows the events outlined in the prompt, except Chikage is absent here bc I want more of Saguru and Aoko okay? just them working together and deferring to each other automatically at various points, because Saguru is the one with more experience of trauma injuries, while Aoko is the resident expert at Kaito-wrangling.

for those unfamiliar with it, Saguru alludes here to a Japanese saying that “fools don’t catch colds” (バカは風邪をひかない), which fits the situation perfectly, unarguable fact. also, each class is usually assigned to clean some shared locations in addition to their own classroom, hence the hallway for plot reasons. one of my schools had a “staff elevator” that was supposed to be for teachers only, which probably isn’t a practice in Japan but just roll with it k?