#Ogre Enchanted

[sporksaber]

Did you know gail Carson Levine wrote a prequel to ella enchanted that's basically shrek? Because I didn't until just now.

[i-like-polls]

*I am not using these as gendered terms.

I am using Witch as a practitioner who is born with magic and expands upon it with written spells/rituals.

I am using Wizard/Sorcerer as someone typical who has chosen to practice magic through written spells/rituals.

**Enchanter/Enchantress being focused on glamor magic and hypnosis.

[hellafluff]

list of theories i have about DA4's protagonist

Escaped Slave. The protag, regardless of race and class, starts as a Tevinter slave. Through shenanigans (planned revolt, happenstance during a different but also important event, maybe the work of the agent of Fen'Harel if you're an elf) you escape and become tangled up in the plot.

Escaped Sacrifice. Same as above but you were going to be used a blood magic sacrifice and maybe they started it but something goes wrong and the blood magic power goes into you, making you Special™

Return of DAO's origin mechanic. Your start is based on your race and class like in DAO, with unique opening. Elves regardless of class start as slaves, Humans can start as apprentice magisters or non-mage child of magister family, dwarves are (and this is self indulgent lmao) Kal-Sharok dwarves but more likely you're a surface merchant family that trades in Tevinter. Qunari are tal-vashoth and slaves and/or local oddities.

Fade Spirit in Mortal Body. I've had this theory for years. So, like Cole, and kind of like Justice, you are a spirit who is bound to a mortal body/becomes corporeal but you don't know what kinda of spirit, or even demon, you are. Your choices and actions throughout the game shape what kind of fade being you are (being nice and wanting to help people could reveal you're a spirit of compassion and give you buffs that assist your companions, being self-important and cruel could make you a pride demon with buffs to physical/lightning dmg, etc) Will this happen? no. I want it tho.

One time I had a dream the PC for DA4 was an Awakened Darkspawn. A bitch can (literally) dream. (BRING BACK THE ARCHITECT BIOWARE)

[dadbodsandbots]

finally reading d.unmeshi and the different ways of channeling magic are so interesting!!

M.arcille’s hair-braiding is cute and functional, so part of me wonders if that can extend to protection and healing magic.

ex: SamCat adventurers where he eventually lets me plait little braids in his hair while resting at camp. I’m chatting about something nostalgic or what to cook for dinner as the magic weaves between hand and hair while he gets a minute to recover from dungeon crawling. The diminutive wards grow more powerful over time the longer we build emotional and physical contact despite our respective attachment disorders.

It’s about the healing power of non-sexual intimacy and compassionate reciprocity 🥺

meanwhile Felix and Reese, with their comparatively shorter hair, are waiting their turn by the campfire like guess I’ll die.jpg

[iamthescalesofjustice]

idk if anyone has done this before but da2 au where you think at first its a both twins lived au and then find out bethany died and thats actually non-warden amell posing as her. something something escaped with jowan maybe, found her relatives in lothering, sought refuge with them and when bethany ended up dying it was way lower profile for amell to take the place of her cousin than try to get in to kirkwall with them as a non-immediate family member (especially given that leandra is publicly coming in as an amell and theres a resemblance and its known revka had mage kids taken to the circle and im sure theres a bulletin out or whatever for an escaped apostate matching amells description). points if people comment on how ‘bethany’ clearly takes after her mother. leandra is not normal about it. aveline knew the real bethany at least in passing bc of living in the same town and treats this as a reason for her distrust of hawke and co and one of the reason she sabotages carvers application with the guard. 

[fortunatefires]

Anytime I try to do something relaxing that ogre from ella enchanted pops into my head saying "We lived in peace during his reign, why would we kill him?" And this fact plagues me

[pulsedemonremastered]

weird fuckin dream where i went on a dungeon type adventure with a mutual & mutual in-laws (i do not know who exactly. they just told me they knew me from tumblr)

and one of them turned to me & said "you know. you should only form a dungeon group if you trust those people with your life" &before they said that i DID but after that i got Worried.

it was fine though he was just fuckin with me. we ended up in the underwater concrete labyrinth i made for evan, an oc of mine. except this one had windows and there wasnt a digital hivemind trying to absorb us

[beingjellybeans]

Shrek's Swamp: A Fairytale Adventure on Airbnb

In the heart of the Scottish Highlands, nestled among the picturesque hills, lies a moss-covered sanctuary that holds a unique enchantment – Shrek’s Swamp. This Halloween, Donkey, the ever-chatty and beloved character from DreamWorks Animation’s SHREK, is temporarily taking charge of the swamp. In a delightful twist, he’s opening the doors to fairytale enthusiasts, inviting them to live like an…

[thestuffedalligator]

When ogres travel, they do so in human shape.

They hate doing this. They think it’s beneath them. But they do it anyway.

The Vicomte Graoul de Saucisson – and this is another thing about ogres. Ogres as a species are nobility. There is no such thing as a low-born ogre. There is always room in the ogrish peerage for another vicomte, another prince, another branch to tie to the rotted tree – strode up to the chateau in human shape. The roses in the garden shivered as he passed by. The huge, high doors opened by themselves and he walked through them without a shift in his stride.

When the doors slammed shut behind him, he moved to shrug the shape off his shoulders like a coat.

Then he saw the woman.

He froze. He stared. She stared back.

He slowly pulled the shape back on. “Who are you?” he asked.

She looked mildly appalled. “Who are you?” she asked. “What are you doing in my home?”

“Your home? This is–” He stopped. He reconsidered. “I am the Vicomte de Saucisson,” he said. “I’m looking for the Marquis de Pamplemousse. He is a… colleague of mine.”

“Oh,” she said. She could’ve looked more abashed. “I’m sorry, monsieur, he’s never mentioned you before. You must be here to share your congratulations, of course, I can fetch him right away.”

“He’s never mentioned you either,” the vicomte did not say. “Of course,” he said. “Congratulations. What about?”

She seemed surprised. “Have you not heard? Monsieur, the curse on my husband has been lifted.”

He stared. His lips started to form the words “What curse,” and then there was a sound like a horse falling down a set of stairs and a man he had never seen before wearing the marquis’s clothes came barrelling down the hall.

“Vicomte!” said the man with the marquis’s voice. “My human friend! The curse has been lifted, and I am a human once again!”

He was slightly out of breath when he reached the woman. He clasped her arm and grinned at him with manic desperation. “This is wonderful news! You must be here to share your congratulations!”

“Lie like hell,” said the man’s eyes.

The vicomte stared. “Oh!” he said. “My – human friend! Human once again! Words fail me. After all these–” (there was the slightest hesitation) “–years?”

The woman put her head at an angle and narrowed her eyes at him.

The man walked up, still grinning like a rictus chimpanzee, and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, of course! Darling, me and the vicomte are going to have a manly one-on-one conversation while he shares his congratulations, as we human men are wont to do.” And then with a strength that could only be ogrish, the marquis pulled the vicomte by the shoulder down the hall and into a drawing room.

When the bolt of the lock clicked into place behind them, the man wearing the marquis’s clothes visibly sagged.

“What the hell,” said the vicomte.

“You should’ve sent word ahead that you'd be coming today.”

“I never do.” He gesticulated and tried to conjure a single question out of the swarm buzzing in his brain. “What the hell is going on? Who was that? Why are you pretending to be human? What curse are we talking about?”

The marquis groaned and crumpled into a chair. As he did he shifted out of human shape, clothes magically tailoring themselves to contain his ogrish form, something like a moose and an orangutan.

“I had a moment of weakness.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t a stroke?”

“I got married.”

“And that’s another thing–”

“Graoul, please.” He sighed and put his face in his talons. “Last winter a merchant broke into my home. He stole one of my roses, and in exchange I asked him to send me one of his daughters to be my bride.”

The vicomte nodded. This at least was a sacred and recognizable ogrish custom, and he did like to see the old ways in practice.

“And it was fine! It was perfectly lovely. She’s a wonderful woman, but one night I decided to put on a human shape to change things up in the bedroom, and she lost her mind! Started talking about how I was clearly an enchanted prince and that her love for me must’ve broken some curse and turned me human again! I had no idea how to tell her otherwise, and now I’ve done it for too long to back out.”

The vicomte stared. “Sorry,” he said. “You decided to turn into a human to spice things up in the bedroom, and that was the face you chose?”

The marquis growled. “If I knew I was going to be wearing it for the rest of my life I would’ve gone with something better.”

[monstersflashlight]

Patreon exclusives (sneak peeks)

It's all about timing (minotaur x fem!reader)

Fixing my hole (orc x fem!human + ogre x fem!human)

Fucking statue (literally) (gargoyle x fem!reader)

Werewolf discovers plugs (werewolf x fem!reader)

Enchanted fleshlight (naga x fem!reader)

Gym slut: the date (part 4) (orc x fem!reader)

Glazed like a donut (minotaur x male!reader)

Intervention (ghost x fem!human)

Multitasking (kraken x fem!reader)

Breeding trap (demon x fem!reader)

Gym slut (part 5): big orc, tiny babies (orc x fem!reader)

Smack down (part 4 of Helping neighbors) (orc x minotaur x fem!reader)

Dragon fire-station (provisional title) part 1 (dragon x fem!reader)

Alien inspector (part 4): what's jealous (alien x fem!reader)

Gym slut (part 6): the second date (orc x fem!reader)

Helping neighbors commissioned art (minotaur x orc)

Ab-sew-lutely (part 1) (minotaur x fem!reader)

Helping neighbors (part 5): the key (minotaur x orc x fem!reader)

Exclusive stories aviable in tiers "Monster lover" (6$/month) and "Monster fucker" (10$/month). To know more about what other rewards being a patreon includes, check the whole info here.

[markrosewater]

Maro’s Teaser for Murders at Karlov Manor

Before previews for Murders at Karlov Manor officially begin, I thought it would be fun to do another of my Duelist-style teasers where I give tiny hints of things to come. Note that I’m only giving you partial information.  

  First up, here are some things you can expect:  

 • white gets a card that lets you play a subset off the top of the deck

• a new enchantment subtype Case

• a card with four different hybrid symbols in its mana cost

• a popular mechanic returns tweaked with a new name

• a green sorcery that you can have any number of in your deck

• a keyword mechanic not printed in a premier set since 2008 returns on a single card

• a creature that allows you an alternate nonmana cost for all your spells

• some creature tokens in the set: (note that some have abilities) 0/0 green Ooze, 0/0 colorless Thopter (also artifact), 0/1 green Plant, 1/1 black Bat, 1/1 white Dog, 1/1 red Goblin, 1/1 white Human, 1/1 blue Merfolk, 1/1 white and black Spirit, 1/1 colorless Thopter (also artifact), 2/1 black Skeleton, 2/1 black and green Spider, 2/2 white and blue Detective, 2/2 red Imp, and 5/5 green and white Wolf

• And yes, Murder is in the set

 Next, here are some rules text that will be showing up on cards:  

  • “Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, if its toughness was less than 1, draw a card.”

• “Choose any number of target players.”

• “Creature cards in your graveyard gain ‘You may cast this card from your graveyard’ until end of turn.”

• “Then sacrifice it if it has five or more bloodstain counters on it.”

• “you may search your graveyard, hand, and/or library for a card named Magnifying Glass and/or a card named Thinking Cap and put them onto the battlefield.”

• “target opponent gains control of any number of target permanents you control.”

• “If an ability of a creature you control with power 2 or less triggers, that ability triggers an additional time.”

• “As long as there are no cards in your library,”

• “If one or more tokens would be created under your control, those tokens plus a Clue token are created instead.”

• “Whenever you sacrifice a Clue, target opponent gets two poison counters.”

 Here are some creature type lines from the set: 

 • Creature – Vedalken Artificer Detective

• Creature – Ogre Cleric

• Artifact Creature – Insect Thopter

• Creature – Lammasu

• Creature – Weird Detective

• Creature – Goblin Bard

• Creature – Viashino Assassin

• Artifact Creature – Clue Fish

• Creature – Elf Crocodile Detective

• Legendary Creature – Mole God

 Finally, here are some names in the set: 

 • Airtight Alibi

• Caught Red-Handed

• Deadly Cover-Up

• Eliminate the Impossible

• Homicide Investigator

• Innocent Bystander

• It Doesn’t Add Up

• Person of Interest

• Private Eye

• Scene of the Crime

 Follow the story each day this week and tune into the debut at 9:00 am PT on Jan 16 on twitch.tv/magic or youtube.com/@mtg to learn whodunit! Can you solve the mystery before detective extraordinaire Alquist Proft?

[book--brackets]

The BFG by Roald Dahl (1982)

Captured by a giant! The BFG is no ordinary bone-crunching giant. He is far too nice and jumbly. It's lucky for Sophie that he is. Had she been carried off in the middle of the night by the Bloodbottler, the Fleshlumpeater, the Bonecruncher, or any of the other giants-rather than the BFG-she would have soon become breakfast. 

When Sophie hears that they are flush-bunking off in England to swollomp a few nice little chiddlers, she decides she must stop them once and for all. And the BFG is going to help her!

Graceling Realm by Kristen Cashore (2008-2022)

Graceling tells the story of the vulnerable-yet-strong Katsa, who is smart and beautiful and lives in the Seven Kingdoms where selected people are born with a Grace, a special talent that can be anything at all. Katsa's Grace is killing. As the king's niece, she is forced to use her extreme skills as his brutal enforcer. Until the day she meets Prince Po, who is Graced with combat skills, and Katsa's life begins to change. She never expects to become Po's friend. She never expects to learn a new truth about her own Grace--or about a terrible secret that lies hidden far away . . . a secret that could destroy all seven kingdoms with words alone.

Oz by L. Frank Baum (1900-1920)

Join Dorothy and her little dog Toto on the yellow brick road, as they set off to explore the magical Land of Oz. Can they find the Wizard, defeat the Wicked Witch of the West, and return to Kansas?

Stardust by Neil Gaiman (1997)

Catch a fallen star . . .

Tristran Thorn promised to bring back a fallen star. So he sets out on a journey to fulfill the request of his beloved, the hauntingly beautiful Victoria Forester--and stumbles into the enchanted realm that lies beyond the wall of his English country town. Rich with adventure and magic, Stardust is one of master storyteller Neil Gaiman's most beloved tales, and the inspiration for the hit movie.

Inkworld by Cornelia Funke (2003-2023)

One cruel night, Meggie's father reads aloud from a book called INKHEART-- and an evil ruler escapes the boundaries of fiction and lands in their living room. Suddenly, Meggie is smack in the middle of the kind of adventure she has only read about in books. Meggie must learn to harness the magic that has conjured this nightmare. For only she can change the course of the story that has changed her life forever. 

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine (1997)

At birth, Ella is inadvertently cursed by an imprudent young fairy named Lucinda, who bestows on her the "gift" of obedience. Anything anyone tells her to do, Ella must obey. Another girl might have been cowed by this affliction, but not feisty Ella: "Instead of making me docile, Lucinda's curse made a rebel of me. Or perhaps I was that way naturally." When her beloved mother dies, leaving her in the care of a mostly absent and avaricious father, and later, a loathsome stepmother and two treacherous stepsisters, Ella's life and well-being seem to be in grave peril. But her intelligence and saucy nature keep her in good stead as she sets out on a quest for freedom and self-discovery as she tries to track down Lucinda to undo the curse, fending off ogres, befriending elves, and falling in love with a prince along the way. Yes, there is a pumpkin coach, a glass slipper, and a happily ever after, but this is the most remarkable, delightful, and profound version of Cinderella you'll ever read.

The Witches by Roald Dahl (1983)

This is not a fairy-tale. This is about real witches. Real witches don't ride around on broomsticks. They don't even wear black cloaks and hats. They are vile, cunning, detestable creatures who disguise themselves as nice, ordinary ladies. So how can you tell when you're face to face with one? Well, if you don't know yet you'd better find out quickly-because there's nothing a witch loathes quite as much as children and she'll wield all kinds of terrifying powers to get rid of them.

The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan (2010-2012)

Since their mother's death, Carter and Sadie have become near strangers. While Sadie has lived with her grandparents in London, her brother has traveled the world with their father, the brilliant Egyptologist, Dr. Julius Kane.  One night, Dr. Kane brings the siblings together for a "research experiment" at the British Museum, where he hopes to set things right for his family. Instead, he unleashes the Egyptian god Set, who banishes him to oblivion and forces the children to flee for their lives.  Soon, Sadie and Carter discover that the gods of Egypt are waking, and the worst of them--Set?has his sights on the Kanes. To stop him, the siblings embark on a dangerous journey across the globe -- a quest that brings them ever closer to the truth about their family, and their links to a secret order that has existed since the time of the pharaohs.

Discworld by Terry Pratchett (1983-2015)

In the beginning there was… a turtle.

 Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place which might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different.

 Particularly as it’s carried through space on the back of a giant turtle.

 It plays by different rules. But then, some things are the same everywhere. The Disc’s very existence is about to be threatened by a strange new blight: the world’s first tourist, upon whose survival rests the peace and prosperity of the land.

 Unfortunately, the person charged with maintaining that survival in the face of robbers, mercenaries and, well, Death, is a spectacularly inept wizard…

Daughter of Smoke & Bone by Laini Taylor (2011-2014)

Around the world, black handprints are appearing on doorways, scorched there by winged strangers who have crept through a slit in the sky.

In a dark and dusty shop, a devil's supply of human teeth grown dangerously low.

And in the tangled lanes of Prague, a young art student is about to be caught up in a brutal otherwordly war.

Meet Karou. She fills her sketchbooks with monsters that may or may not be real; she's prone to disappearing on mysterious "errands"; she speaks many languages—not all of them human; and her bright blue hair actually grows out of her head that color. Who is she? That is the question that haunts her, and she's about to find out.

When one of the strangers—beautiful, haunted Akiva—fixes his fire-colored eyes on her in an alley in Marrakesh, the result is blood and starlight, secrets unveiled, and a star-crossed love whose roots drink deep of a violent past. But will Karou live to regret learning the truth about herself?

[infiniteimaginings]

True Loves Kiss (Rumplestiltskin x Male!Reader)

Summary: Rumplestiltskin is an old friend of yours, you've known him for quite a while. He introduced you to his new maid for saving a kingdom from the great ogre war, what will happen when this 'maid' tells you her research for breaking curses? Pronouns: You/Yours, He/Him Warnings: Fluff Word Count: 4.6k A/N: This is specifically because someone asked for it in the comments (@aggsh-shs) and I will always write for once upon a time. This is also way longer than I expected it to be, can you guys tell I'm obsessed with this show?

The enchanted forest, a beautiful and daring realm filled with magic and wonder. A world where fairytales exist, where happy endings are prominent. But, where there is light, there is darkness. Where there is magic, there are loopholes. Where there is good, there is evil.

Within the enchanted forest, there was an extremely powerful man…well, he wasn’t a man per say. Man is humanity, and this creature was far from human. He had green, scaly skin, a dark grin, no sense of morals it seemed. He was a magical being, blessed or cursed with immortality, he was a witch, a monster. This being used his time in the enchanted forest to gain all the knowledge he possibly could by intimidation, he ripped people's hearts out, he created curses, he destroyed lives to be as powerful as possible.

This being, this monster, this crocodile, was named Rumplestiltskin. He was also known as the dark one, a magical entity that is corrupted with darkness, enveloped in the heinous shadows that surround the name, the whispers of the past dark ones swirling in their heads.

He resided in a fairly large dark castle with what seemed to be thousands of floors, rooms, everything. It was such a large castle, yet he was the only one who resided in such a space. No one was concerned if he was lonely though, why would people worry if the monster who comes to their towns and invokes fear into them is lonely?

No one was concerned until Rumplestiltskin had been spinning straw into gold, a usual pastime for him, it helped him think. His thinking time had been ruined by someone walking through a door to the side of his main room, his prize.

By prize it’s more of a condition. He had protected a kingdom from the great ogre war, meaning that he created a magical barrier around the kingdom to keep the ogres at bay. Therefore giving no reason for the kingdom to send their men to kill themselves for. Within this condition, he requested their princess in exchange for his help, the king disagreeing but the princess went ahead and sacrificed herself.

Her name was Belle, she was a bright and well read woman. She also was a prisoner of Rumplestiltskin who couldn’t leave. She was upset of course, but she would do anything to protect her kingdom. Her prisoner rank had been promoted to being a maid, she cleaned, dusted, poured tea, all of the sorts. That, in Rumplestiltskin's opinion, did not involve asking all the questions she decided she wanted to ask.

“Do you ever get lonely?” The brown haired woman asked, dusting along the shelves. She looked at the scaled man with soft eyes, no longer worried about whether he would hurt her or not, if he wanted to he would’ve already.

Rumplestiltskin continued to spin the straw, pulling threads of gold easily without thought. He didn’t even look away from the spinner, “No.” He spoke simply, foot stepping on the press to make the wheel spin. Belle pursed her lips at the vague response and continued to clean, “You must get lonely at least a bit, you’re always by yourself.” She spoke, her English accent ringing through his ears. He sighed, gaze flickering to her before going back to his work, “I’m not by myself…” He spoke to her, his voice in a concentrated mutter. “All the time, at least.” He added on the statement, his features softening slightly before concentrating once more. Belle put her hands on her hips, “I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks, but I have not seen anyone else come through here other than that thief.” She told him, walking over to him with the confidence no one truly has to the dark one.

Rumplestiltskin stopped spinning his straw and looked at Belle with a bored expression, “I don’t have tea parties with the people I associate myself with.” He spoke, standing abruptly to walk to the door. Belle stayed near the spinner, frowning slightly, he was so adamant that he wasn’t lonely but, why was he never with anyone?

Just as Rumplestiltskin walked to the main door to exit, someone from the other side had already opened it. It was a man, he was looking down into a satchel overflowed with scrolls, quills, and possibly other things, but from where Belle was she couldn’t see it clearly. A few larger rolls of paper escaped the satchel as the man walked through the door. What surprised Belle though was that Rumplestiltskin wasn’t surprised by the visitor, he had rolled his eyes and picked up the papers, shaking them in front of the man's face.

That man was you. You picked your head up from looking down and smiled graciously, reaching to grab the papers but Rumplestiltskin pulled them away with his devilish smirk. “Your satchel is overflowing, did you steal them? Buy them? I would ask if you intimidated the owners but…” He looked you up and down, tilting his head, unimpressed, “You’re not an intimidating person.” He spoke simply. The scaled man tapped your head with the paper and you gently but swiftly took the papers with a soft glare.

Belle was curious to the interaction, she placed her duster down and walked forward, hands grazing the chairs as she walked closer. The two of you continued to interact until Belle leaned her body into your view, waving, “Hello.” She spoke with a smile but curious eyes.

Your eyes widened in surprise, “Hello…there?” You spoke with a questioning gaze to Rumplestiltskin who shot a dirty look to Belle for interrupting. The dark one nodded reluctantly, gesturing to Belle without looking at her, “Meet my maid, whatever her name is.” He waved his hands around as a movement of not remembering.

“My name is Belle.” She spoke right after him so you would know. You nodded in understanding, humming at the word ‘maid’. You shook her hand and introduced yourself, saying your name and telling her that you’ve known Rumplestiltskin for years.

She tilted her head with intrigue, “How come I’ve never seen you?” She asked, wondering how after all this time a man could show up and just…be well acquainted with someone people find terrifying. Rumplestiltskin sucked his teeth, “He’s been on a long journey for a few months.” He answered plainly, picking at his nails. He suddenly pointed to Belle, “How about you do what actual maids do and make tea instead of asking questions?” He asked, more of an order.

Belle gently smiled, used to the treatment and grabbed the porcelain tea set, “I thought you didn’t have tea parties with people you associate with.” She spoke jokingly, repeating his words from earlier. The man frowned and poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, “And I thought when I received you, you would be more quiet.” He muttered under his breath, not even looking at Belle. You had gently smacked Rumplestilskin in his shoulder and told him to ‘play nice’ to which he scowled about.

This routine had gone on for a few more weeks. You would appear at the castle, or wake up there after falling asleep on the main room table. You would hold banter and conversation with Rumplestiltskin, the man would go do some errands, Belle would make you tea, the dark one would return and take you into multiple different rooms.

Something Belle noticed was that her captor was very gentle with you. When you would prick your finger on the spinning wheel, a small look of concern would flash across the scaled man's face before he waved his hand and suddenly your wound was gone. He would let you take any book you’d like, as well as touch any treasure of his with no complaints from the owner. As if you could do anything, and he would never darken.

You had leaned across him as he was at his wheel, he was blocking the way to a compartment you needed to get to. You tripped a bit when you pointed your toes to get higher ground and nearly toppled on top of him. You would've if Rumplestiltskin didn’t immediately stop spinning the straw and take hold of your waist. You didn’t even look at him as you just continued trying to grab the crystal like item from the shelf, the man holding you for your balance. You didn’t notice how his eyes would look over your face, his fingers would flex around your waist slightly, how gentle his expression was to you.

Once you had grabbed the crystal item, you moved down, Rumplestiltskin guiding you back down. You thanked him and walked to the table, Belle watching the entire thing as she wiped down a few possessions of her captors.

You had sat at the table, placing a few scrolls on the table and the crystal item next to them. Belle had poured you some tea and placed a cup of it in front of you. The other man didn’t sit at all near the two of you. His eyes followed you from the spinner and he cleared his throat, standing and brushing himself off.

“I’ll be back.” Was all he said before he disappeared with the wave of his hands.

Belle had stood up at this point to continue cleaning in a different area so you could focus but you stopped her, shaking your head. “Please, drink tea with me?” You asked her kindly and she accepted the offer, sitting next to you and pouring herself tea as well. You looked at her a bit before putting your cup down, noticing it was slightly chipped. “You can ask whatever questions you wish.” You said nonchalantly, pulling a few scrolls out, some were maps, some declarations, amongst other things.

You couldn’t pretend like you didn’t see how her eyes lit up at the offer, chuckling to yourself lightly. Belle had taken the chance to ask the millions of questions about you, about Rumplestiltskin, about the castle, about your history, about his history, she asked you everything.

Belle leaned forward, hands around the cup as a safety, smiling gently, “How do you know Rumplestiltskin?” She asked you immediately, curious as to how someone seemingly so kind could be with someone who acted so cruel. You took a sip of your tea, putting it back down on the table, “I know him because we lived in the same village.” You answered her simply.

“He lived in a village?” She spoke, clearly shocked at the new piece of information. “No one was scared of him?” Belle asked you, almost scooching her chair a little closer to you.

“When I met him, he was a man.” You informed her, her lips parting slightly. “It was in an ogre war-” You continued until Belle visibly flinched at the words. Your eyes shifted to her quickly from your cup, “Are you okay?” You asked her, cup now down,hand reaching to hers for comfort. The princess smiled gently at you and nodded with a hesitant breath. “Yes, it’s just…my kingdom..” She began and you nodded, encouraging her to continue.

She didn’t though. She exhaled, the breath sounded shaky and she appreciated your hand offered to her, taking it. “It’s alright, you should continue.” She expressed, her facial expression didn’t convince you completely but you continued for her sake specifically. You looked her in her eyes, nothing but warmth within them, “It was long ago.” You told her, almost as if you were telling a story to a child. “One of the first ogre wars.” Your voice was a little low for suspense, Belle enjoyed it, it was like when her father used to read stories to her. She noticed your words and blinked a bit at you, now leaning forward to you due to her interest, “That was… that was hundreds of years ago.” She responded to your comment and you simply nodded.

“You’ve lived that long?” She asked, “Are you a mortal?” She questioned, brows furrowed in confusion. You didn’t look like Rumplestiltskin with the scales and darkness, but you didn’t look like a fairy, you had no wings. You certainly didn’t look like a seer, those with eyes on their palms, their faces sewed up, thought you could have the powers, she was unsure.

You licked your lips with a huff of a laugh, “A fairy a long time ago told me that I would be needed for something, but I would need to live to that point,” You spoke, nodding, your nose scrunched, “so she granted me immortality.” You finished your comment and Belle nodded slowly. “Are you still…?” Belle began, unsure of how to word her sentence, but you understood. “I am still a man, I just can’t die.” You expressed to her, moving a few papers, your hand still in the comfort of hers.

Belle had many questions about that, but she decided to stick to the questions about the dark one. “Okay…so, he used to be a man?” “Yes, before he became the dark one, he was a man.”

“How did he become the dark one?”

You paused, thinking for a moment, squeezing your hand gently, “It’s not my story to tell of how.” You spoke simply, and before she could speak once more you continued. “The dark one is magical,” You stated the obvious to which the girl in front of you nodded, “and is drowned in darkness until it takes over completely.” You explained to her, pausing once more. You tilted your head, trying to find a way to explain this to her without expressing more information than needed. “But, since it takes over a human host, he’s not complete darkness,” You said, “no matter how much people say otherwise.” You muttered the last part, a flash of annoyance in your expression.

Belle was silent for a moment, thinking. She pulled her hand back, you didn’t mind and simply clasped yours hands in front of you on the table. “So he’s cursed?” Belled asked you after a while of silence. You tilted your head in each direction with an expression that showed you weren’t exactly sure of a correct answer to that, “I guess you could think of it like that.”

She went silent once more, hands in her lap, “True love's kiss can break any curse” She stated to you, eyes flickering into yours before looking back to the cups.

“You truly believe that?”

“Of course!” Belle spoke quickly, “But, I suppose you are not his true love.” She mumbled, playing with her fingers. The comment caused your head to snap to her, slight shock, but mainly confusion in your face. You shook your head lightly with a slightly uncomfortable smile, “How ever would you know that?” You asked her, hands clutching each other tighter. Belle noticed your slight tone, her eyes widening at she stumbled over her words for her explanation, “He is not his original self, so the must mea-“

“Me and Rumplestiltskin have never kissed.”

Your words caused her mouth to open, she was staring at you agape. “You two..have never kissed?” She asked, truly confused which puzzled you even further. She puffed air into her cheeks, “I assumed the two of you were romantically involved since he’s far more gentle with you than anyone else.” She continued to explain, wondering if she saw it differently.

Now it was your turn to stare, agape. You couldn’t ask her why and how she came to that conclusion until Rumplestiltski himself had returned. His vest was covered in blood so he took it off, leaving him in only his long sleeved under shirt. He tossed it to Belle who was utterly disgusted by the blood but used to the action, “Clean this for me, someone didn’t want to be compliant.” He spoke, teeth gritted as he turned on his heel to a different doorway.

He gestured to you to follow, so you stood quickly, sending an apologetic gaze to Belle. The princess, the prisoner of the dark one, stood and walked to a different doorway to where she washed and hung Rumplestiltskin's clothes to dry.

You had followed Rumple, something you call him, into a tower where he worked with potion magic. He had stood in front of a desk, mixing a few bottles of magic together to create something new, you always enjoyed watching him in his element. You looked along the the rows of ingredient bottles or fleshed out potions, looking through the labels and humming as you examined them a bit. Silence was between you two which wasn’t unusual, but you decided to break it. “You want to know something so funny?” You asked him, your backs to each other as you were on the other side of the room. Rumple gave you a hum of acknowledgement, not turning to you, “I highly doubt it will be funny, but continue.” He told you, waving his hand slightly before going back to the potions. “Belle told me that true loves kiss breaks all curses.”

Your statement caused the man behind you to stand up straight, looking directly to the wall. He cocked his head to the side, though you didn’t see it, “Maybe I shouldn’t let her read those books.” He said aloud, looking back down to his potion. You chuckled, rolling your eyes a bit, “I mean, it is true, isn’t it? From everything I've seen at least.” You spoke, messing with a bottle of unicorn hair. Rumple focused on his work but muttered a few words, “She's not wrong, but why would she discuss such a thing with you?” He asked, confused on what brought up the subject matter.

You didn’t tell him that you let her ask questions but you did express why she would bring up the product of the question, “Well, she believes you’re cursed.” You spoke almost too plainly, your mouth getting a little dry as you remembered the cut off conversation from earlier.

Your words had been so unexpected that he had put his potion bottles down a bit harshly, the bottles clinking each other. You turned to him with surprise and he turned, meeting your eyes. “I’m sorry?” He asked, mouth now in a thin line, arms crossed. You didn’t expect such a reaction but you shrugged anyways, “She thinks being the dark one is a curse and it can be lifted with true loves kiss.” You explained and he chuckled slightly in disbelief.

He began to shake his head with closed his eyes, “Don’t tell me she believes not only the ridiculous idea that true loves kiss will lift my name off that damn dagger,” He began, holding his hand out for you due to the way this rattled him ,”but that she thinks she could kiss me and all is well.” He finished, tilting his head at you when he looked up, his shock now wiped into amusement. You crinkled your face into a scrunch, “Not exactly.” You chuckled out, licking your lips subconsciously, looking down.

Rumple waited for you to continue and you kicked the ground, crossing your arms yourself, “She thinks I could be your true love.” You laugh, looking up at him after speaking such a ridiculous idea. You were met with pure silence, silence that was tense and the eye contact with the man in front of you never ceased. “What?” He asked you, his voice had never been so soft, so hesitant.

It caught you off guard so you tilted your head, smiling a bit, “She assumed I wasn’t your true love since you weren’t human, and I had to tell her we’ve never kissed.” You reiterated the moments from a little earlier, and were met with even more silence. “Why are you so quiet?” You asked, pushing yourself off the bookshelf to reach the middle of the room, now half the distance from where you were away from Rumple.

He looked to the ground, a concentrated look on his face before he looked back up, “She believes you could be my true love?” He asked you suddenly and you nodded, “She believed we had a romantic connection.” You told him honestly. You were unsure why the topic was one he was stuck on, he never really cared for such a thing when the topic had been brought up before. He sighed, “And she thinks true loves kiss is going to break whatever this is?” He asked, gesturing his hands down his body and you simply nodded. Your confirmation had brought Rumplestiltskin to shake his head, “Ridiculous.” he spoke, turning back to his project.

Another moment of silence filled between the two of you, once again, you broke it. “Have you ever tried?” You asked, gulping harshly, still standing in the middle of the room, tapping your foot. Rumple was looking at the mixture he created, waving his hand for the potion to glow, “Tried what?” He asked in response, not looking at you. You took a deep breath, now simply hugging yourself. “Looking for a way to not be the dark one without…dying for it?”

Pure silence filled the room, again. You didn’t understand why so much silence was coming between you two.

“Sometimes I think about it.” He answered honestly, voice in a mumble.

“Has it ever gone beyond thinking?” More silence was in response so you tried to stutter out a different response, trying to speak of how he doesn’t have to say, or to move onto a topic.

“No, it hasn’t.”

You walked a little closer, now standing next to him but he wouldn’t look at you, like he was avoiding it. “Do you think it ever will? If you do actually find a way?” You asked him, leaning on the table a bit. He didn’t answer the question, he just put his hands on the table, looking down at the bottles, “…Can I ask you something?” He asked you, taking a few deep breaths.

“Sure.”

“What if true loves kiss could break it somehow?”

You weren’t sure if he meant with you or in general, but you answered honestly regardless, tapping your fingers on the wooden table. “Well, then…” You began, adjusting yourself, “I say you could find Baelfire, and after you do you could kiss your true love and then be happy.” You spoke, shrugging a bit, unsure of if he was actually concerned about it.

“What if you’re my soulmate?” He asked you, head turning to look at you, you turned yours to look at him. “Do you truly believe I could be?” You asked in a slight whisper.

He looked at you, the man in front of him, he saw a flicker of something in your eyes. He couldn’t pin point what it was, you couldn’t even understand what it was. He sighed, rubbing the bottom of his face with his hand, “Even if it somehow was true,” He spoke, now fully turned to you, “being the dark one is a different magic. it’s not a curse.” He told you, seemingly trying to convince himself more than you.

You frowned deeply at him, if you stepped closer, the two of you would be nose to nose. “I do hate when you refer to yourself as the dark one.” You mumbled to him, keeping eye contact with him and he shook his head, a matching frown on his face. The mood was slightly solemn through this conversation, like there was hope for something that would never happen. “Why?” He asked you, “It’s true.”

You inhaled deeply, your chest aching a bit, “You’re just Rumple.” You told him simply, eyes soft. You noticed his harder expression softened as well, his frown more sad than frustrated. “The same man who brought me those skins when I was sick.” You reminded him, eyes glistening slightly. Rumple hadn’t said anything, just looking into your eyes before he realized you finished your sentence. He cleared his throat, standing now, “Children had stronger immune systems than you.” He spoke, biting the inside of his cheek, turning to a journal to write down the products of his potion.

“And yet you still took care of me.” You smiled at his actions, still leaning on the table.

He waved you off, not turning to look at you, “I do not appreciate your sentiment at the moment, go read a book or look over your maps or something.”

You laughed a little louder than you expected and dramatically bowed, “Of course your majesty.” You told him, shaking your head and walking to the door the two of you came in from.

Before you could go he called your name, causing you to turn to him. His back was still to you but your footsteps stopped so he spoke. “Why did Belle believe we were romantically involved?” He asked you, the question was strange to you but you answered anyway.

“She said something about how you look at me far more gently than anyone else.” You expressed to him honestly, not thinking much of it.

“Do you believe her?”

“I am not sure. We have been friends for a long time, I’m sure it’s a little more gentle.”

He was quiet for a moment, before turning to you, expression unreadable. “If we were true loves, and if I was back to being a man-”

“Rumple, I don’t mind that you're..” You began walking forward to him but he interrupted you. “A monster?” He asked and your eyes lidded and your pursed your lips, “The dark one.” You finished your phrase, the words making him go silent. You were now face to face with him, “I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re not all darkness.” You explained, his eyes looking into yours, “There’s something inside you, there’s light, there’s the Rumple I knew and still know.” You expressed to him, fingers tingling to grab hold of his but you decided against it.

His breath hitched when he noticed your fingers twitch a bit to him, “That light is because of-”

“Baelfire.” You had known the answer, you knew of his son. You knew his son and how much joy he brought to his father.

Rumple nodded but continued anyways, “And you.” You were a little shocked, your face showing that. He grabbed your hands, his rougher than yours, “You’re my hope for finding him.”

A smile had broken out on your face a bit, “I’ve never seen you get sentimental.” You teased a bit, but he didn’t smile. He held your hands, looking down at them. “I think I can only be with you.” His words were heavy and they caused your heart to beat quickly and loudly. “I don’t want to be soft, but you melt me.” He explained, eyes looking back into yours, he seemed so gentle in this moment with you, like the old Rumple. “And there’s so many things I want to say and do But I don't want to risk…”

“True loves kiss?”

He hesitated before closing his eyes, sighing, and nodding. “Yes…there’s just too much on the line.”

You understood, if you were his true love and you kissed him, it’s possible he wouldn’t be the dark one anymore. He wouldn’t have the power and strength to get Bae back, and you didn’t want to be the reason he never saw his son again. You stepped a little closer, kissing his cheek gently, the action was quick, faster than he could process. When he finally did, he touched his cheek and looked at you with big eyes.

You were smiling softly, hands still in his, “How about that for now?” You asked him and for the first time that day, he replicated your smile. “Perfect.” He told you, gazing into your eyes with a fire he’s never had before. Well, the fire you’ve never noticed before now.

[dirtybg3confessions]

Confession: Lump the Enlightened is a special ogre. He wears the Warped Headband of Intellect, which gives a character 17 intelligence UNLESS their real intelligence score is already higher. But the thing is, Lump's INT score is 19 — he was brilliant before he ever found that dumb circlet. So in his life, Lump must have faced such ogre-phobic stereotyping, he was convinced he was dumb and still needed magical brainpower enchantments. Lump is sad. Lump is broken. But I can fix him — I can tell him how incredible he is, how beautiful he is, how smart he is. I can make him feel loved. Then I can blow his "war horn", and fuck him so silly his INT will down to 4 until the next morning.

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Skizzekai- First Few Days Summary

Now that the asks have calmed down a bit, and hermits have been established, here's a summary post to get a general idea of where we're working from. I've also cleaned up any plotholes best I can.

Skizz, a human from Earth, was summoned to this fantasy world by god-king Joel. A prophecy stated he would defeat a great evil. It did not explain how. He keeps a journal to help him figure things out and keep track of everything.

Over his adventures so far, Skizz has made both allies and enemies, and picked up a magical necklace from travelling merchants. His suit also picked up durability enchantments somewhere, but only after the sleeves came off. The necklace was made for mages, gathering and focusing ambient magic for their use. It was not designed for a creature with no magic of their own.

He probably wouldn't have stayed human either way, but the necklace certainly sped it up. He's adapted to the world, become able to use it's magic, and dragonfly wings have begun to sprout from his back.

This could be concerning. But Skizz finds he loves his wings, his adaptation to the world that is gradually becoming his home. He embraces it. Maybe he really does belong here. Maybe soon he'll even be able to fly.

Joel, the ruler of the lore kingdom and recently ascended god, was originally an ogre- but after the belief of his people sent him through a few transformations, he's settled into his divine status. He can look however he wants now! But an ogre form is still most natural to him. Just a really tall and handsome ogre.

Skizz finds quick allies in Tango, Impulse, and Zed. Tango is a being of fire, with strong flame magic connected to his emotions. He is also in possession of a magical deck of cards. Zedaph, apprentice of Death Himself, joined their group after bringing Skizz back from the dead. He insisted on the completion of some difficult tasks first, but now they're buddies! He's also capable of reality distortion magic, knows alchemy, and has a card of luck magic Tango gave him. Everyone is terrified of Zedaph. Probably for good reason.

Impulse.... may not have intended to become an ally. The demonic man used to work for the forces of evil- before Skizz showed up, and his doubts became a true betrayal to join the side of good. They became fast friends. He doesn't want Skizz to become lost like the last hero was.

That last hero is one Gemini Tay, human-turned-Drowned, who was summoned a few years back, and is not happy about Skizz. It's like she's not even needed anymore. She puts a bounty on Skizz's head. She cannot accept her failure.

Chasing that bounty is False, harpy and former pirate queen. She may have had to leave her crew after that deal lead to a mild case of possession, but she still appreciates some good treasure. That's why she's been working as a travelling merchant.

Her fellow merchants, Cub and Scar, are equally possessed but not quite as motivated. They mostly just like messing with people. Including Skizz. Maybe especially Skizz. They are fae, after all.

Skizz did have one unfortunate interaction with them- he got his name taken for a bit. Fortunately, after returning Scar's cat familiar to him, the name was given back.

Gem isn't the only former human in this world. Joe Hills, a half-ghost living in the republic of the undead, was summoned from Nashville a while back, and befriended Prime Minister Cleo along the way.

Cleo's republic was once a kingdom, run by Ren, but as soon as she got the throne she declared the monarchy over. She got voted in, and Ren is her second in command. Together they run the place, maintaining the army of constructs and fighting back against the sculk creeping into the tunnels.

Most humans that end up in this world don't tend to stay human long. The ambient magic eventually soaks in and alters them, and most embrace it. The changes are a new beginning, or a sign of belonging in this strange world. But Hypno did not embrace it.

No, Hypno was the human half of a changeling deal, and has been clinging to his humanity for quite a while. He's even gotten hold of an artifact, somehow, that pushes the ambient magic out of his body, keeping him human. His friend, Jevin, is a slime guy who enjoys being a slime guy, and doesn't understand this drive to stay human one bit. Magic is cool.

Other hermits that I couldn't neatly tie into the one ramble:

Wels is a selkie proficient in bard magic, and a former member of False's crew.

Stress is a fae queen who rules a kingdom specializing in ice magic, with Iskall as her loyal bodyguard.

TFC is a miner of unknown species who helped Skizz out during a quest

Mumbo is not a vampire, thank you very much. He's actually the former god of the night who lost half his power. Vampires were made from that stolen half.

Pearl is a moth fae who used to rule a prosperous kingdom... until a talking dog came to advise her, corrupting her into a cruel and evil queen. She has since slain the beast, fled into exile, and changed her ways. She now works delivering mail.

Etho and Bdubs are plant constructs, guarding a deep and dangerous jungle. Etho may have a metallic shell, but he's all plant inside. Doc and Beef guard the jungle as well, the four of them ensuring safe passage for travellers. Doc in particular has the ability to become absolutely gigantic.

Xisuma was a bubbling puddle of nothing that became a person and sustains itself on bones. Far too many bones. Bones in places they really should not be, such as outside the skin.

Keralis is a unicorn! He is also a menace who is very protective of his magic, refusing to use it unless he feels like it. Claims to be able to read the value of souls. Bothers xB by calling him the princess of the lake. xB is not a princess.

Grian is... something. He's strange, is what he is. He's a nice guy, and helpful to Skizz, but has these weird mutterings about "watchers", and what was that about accidentally stealing Mumbo's power?

And that's the AU so far! It's still going, so send in more ideas when you have them. Happy headcanoning!

[post-uwuifier]

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (say it) Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on) We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (to say it) Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on) We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (say it) Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on) We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it (to say it) Inside, we both know what's been going on (going on) We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors

I. I genuinewy appweciate dis commitment. Yoo, my good anon, have weceived da awawd of best ask I have gotten UwU