#Ocular Denial

[jolieeason]

WWW Wednesday: May 1st, 2024

WWW Wednesday is a weekly meme Sam hosts at Taking on a World of Words. The Three Ws are: What are you currently reading? What did you recently finish reading? What do you think you’ll read next? Here is what I am currently reading, recently finished, and plan to read from Thursday to Wednesday. Let me know if you have read or are planning on reading any of these books!! Happy…

[teaboot]

Can I ask about the ocular migraines? When you go blind, is it a darkness kind of blind or a staticky kind of blind? I experienced a staticky kind of blind for about twenty minutes and threw up during it (fortunately I knew my way to the bathroom), and I’ve always wanted to know what it was, since I’ve never heard of something like that happening before

Okay, phase 1: "Oh hey there's a smudge in my vision, I wonder why"

Phase 2: Oh I can't read because the letters are falling sideways, time to call in sick

Phase 3: (denial)

Phase 4: Everything is still *there*, visually, but its like your brain isn't translating what the shapes and colours mean. Is that rectangle a leg? Is that a helmet or a shoulder? Why is there static? Are those my hands or someone else's? Can probably still walk but will trip and bump into things and wobble and be confused

Phase 5: Hurt

Phase 6: Vision Comes Back But So Has A Million Toothaches That Live In My Skull (5-7 hours, personally)

Phase 7: Try to be unconscious. Maybe yartz a lil. Probably pass out in a bathtub, which is stupid, but cold water feel good

Phase 8: Pain go bye bye

Phase 9: Be a lil out of it for a day or two, then bounce back

Not a doctor obviously but from personal experience it sounds like you may have had one, yeah

[your-subby-creature]

Intro Post:

Hi! I finally remembered to make one of these, let me know if I missed anything :^)

Last updated: 09/02/24

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Basics

Names: Creature or Hal/Halogen

Age: 20

Pronouns: he/it/pet/they

Gender: Genderqueer Trans Man

Interested in: anyone of any gender, especially other queer and trans people <3

Relationship status: Relationship Anarchist, single

Role: Submissive Verse (leaning bottom)

DNI: Minors, Pedos (MAPS/NOMAPS/PEARS),bestiality/zeta, bigots of any kind or those who fetishize them, ED / weight blogs, self-harm (SH) blogs, no age in bio/pinned, anyone who doesn't believe that consent is always and forever the highest priority

Non-kinky interests: queer & trans community and history, art, crochet, baking, podcasts, nonfiction books, disability and neurodiversity, paganism, psychology, language/linguistics, history (I'll love you forever and also never shut up if you ask me about my research <3)

What I look like: Since I don't post or send pictures I should probably describe myself. I'm a white 5'0" (152.4 cm) fat and invisibly disabled guy. I'm entirely hairless due to an autoimmune condition (alopecia!), have grey eyes, and wear glasses.

DMs: Open

Asks: Open

Taken Emoji Anons: 🐑, 🍯🐾, ☆, ✨️,🎀, 🦴, 🐺🦊🐶, 🦊🕳, 📸

Tags: #Creature originals (original posts), #Creature responds (asks) #Creature scenes (based on scenes in dms or requested) #Creature rambles (misc thoughts), #Creature Studies (academia), #Creature polls (polls) #Creature denial (denial challenges) #puppy playtime saga continues (exactly what it sounds like)

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Kinks

Favorites: cnc, obedience, (cock)worship, control, praise, (loving) degradation, humiliation, objectification, hypnosis, free use, training, pet names, pain, impact, bruising/marking, cockwarming, discipline, sexual torture, ownership, oral fixation, dehumanization, boywife, petplay, orgasm control, body writing, domesticity, cages, corruption, experimentation/scientist kink, anal,

Soft limits: blood, detrans/misgendering (just ask first), light choking or breathplay, heavy piss, light burning, kidnapping, rimming, needles, bratting, wet and messy, lactation, vomit, primal chasing, spitting in my mouth, heartbeat/cardiophilia

Hard limits: Raceplay, scat, abdl, bestiality/zeta, snuff/gore, pregnancy / birthing, sissification/feminization, hard breathplay, drowning, real incest, feederism, guns, fat fetishism, bald fetishism, SH fetishism, ED fetishism, farts/eprocto, abandonment, fuckpig, sub/sub competition, prolapse, ocular trauma

Presume anything not listed above is something I am neutral to / okay with. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

My body: I am on T but have not had any surgery. Acceptable terms include chest, tits, slit, cunt, pussy, hole, (t)cock, (t)dick, and ___parts (e.g. puppy parts or needy parts, etc.)

Terms: I love masculine, neutral, or objectifying terms! Anything that is not explicitly feminizing (eg good girl, princess) is fine; whore, slut, cunt, and bitch are alright. Do not call me slurs without asking. Never use the words annoying, worthless, useless, or pig(gy) in reference to me.

Safewords: For scenes and role-playing I tend to use the stoplight system (green/yellow/red), but if asked for a unique personal safeword, I use "Fluoride"

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Interacting

Pictures / Videos: DO NOT ASK ME FOR PICTURES OR VIDEOS. Presume that I will NEVER send them unless I initiate and explicitly ask your consent to send them. However, feel free to send me any pictures or videos of yourself or of things you find hot (as long as it's all legal and consensual and doesn't violate my limits.)

Audios: I MIGHT send audios with your consent during role-play through a Vocaroo link that I will delete once the scene ends. This is subject to my own judgement, but you are always welcome to ask. You are free to send any (legal, consensual, limit-abiding) audio whenever you'd like.

Calls: Presume that I WILL NOT call you (yes, even on platforms where I don't have to give out my number) unless I initiate and explicitly ask. This is due to privacy concerns and is non-negotiable.

Asks: Asks are open and I love them! I'll always try to answer them, unless they directly violate one of my limits or ask me to doxx myself in some way.

Messages: Anyone is free to message me! I will always try to respond unless it goes against one of my limits, and I reserve the right to stop messaging at any time. Feel free to role-play, scene with me, etc. You get one strike on misgendering me in messages (e.g. "good girl") before the scene immediately stops and you most likely get blocked.

Role-play, flirting, or scenes: Within the confines of my limits and the understanding that either of us can stop or revoke consent at ANY TIME, feel free to role-play, flirt, or scene with me. Please note: I am autistic and have a tendency to unmask during scenes where I'm being given orders to enact IRL. For me this means following certain patterns of typing, taking instructions literally, and requiring clear directions.

Meet-ups: I WILL NOT meet up with you. Non-negotiable.

[speedlimit15]

my sister is now fully convinced she had a stroke eight years ago during heroin withdrawal because a counselor at a rehab center made an offhand comment about how her ocular migraines (which our mother and i also have) could be a sign of stroke. and lately she’s been panicking texting me about mortality rates and how she’s not going to live to see 40. i’ve gently suggested talking to mom who’s a hospice nurse about it but she just keeps saying mom is “in denial about it” aka trying to help her understand this is probably not the case. i simply don’t know how to respond without furthering her worries OR making her feel like i’m against her or don’t believe her. i told her i love her and i’m glad she’s alive and my sister and that i strongly suggest talking to a neurologist to confirm this stuff but ofc she doesn’t have insurance so she’s just going to start taking aspirin and turmeric…. i guess….. i feel so bad. she’s so scared

[sparkmender]

It is a creeping sense of betrayal, these kinds of things.

Rung tries to put it out of his mind, of course— there are so many chores to do in a day, and Elegy still needed to be supervised, and then of course the hot spots needed tending to on a cycle, so he did what he could to visit each of them, quietly checking up when the blacksmiths weren’t in the way, and there’s hobbies and things to read and baking and when that fails, Megatron had ideas of his own—

But keeping busy will not change who he is, or what he is. No sacrifice or choice or denial can absolve him from this basic fact:

There is no way to cut out the Quintesson. It is in his core coding, the rounded, curling lettering stark against the straight-edged NeoCybex and modular Primal Vernacular. It is etched in his frame, tucked away in places only Rung ever notices. It is obvious in the sockets that stud his body and the thin shape of his frame and the softness of his protoform. Transformers were dynamic, angular and built to handle life on Cybertron. Rung is round and quiet and… fragile.

It is a paradox.

He is old, but surely not old enough to have been tampered with or formed during the Occupation. The Primes were in power throughout his juvenile period. For goodness’ sake, Alchemist Prime had been there at the little Temple when he’d been pulled from the hotspot there, overseeing the harvest. He’d been the one to point out that Rung was going to need oculars like he wore.

It doesn’t make sense.

But he can’t stop himself from worrying about it. What would even be the point of a Quintesson agent with a meaningless alt. mode?

[raveneira]

hi, do you think when sarada awoken the mangeko (as much as i wish that trashy awakening wasn't real it unfortunately is) because of she cared for brto and was a die hard fan or was she just really upset that no one belived her and thought she was spouting nonsense? for me i low-key feel that it is the latter since sarada seems to have more concern for herself and the fact that she thinking that everyone denying her reality affected her so much to the point of awakening ms? it's still bad tho

Unfortunately if we're being realistic, nobody fkin knows what triggered it, there are two primary theories in the fandom and both are factually false

1 She was overwhelmed, everybody suddenly hunting/attacking Boruto, hearing Naruto was killed, her father not believing her, and finally her desperate plea for him to save Boruto is was caused her MS

2 her immense love for Boruto and fear of him being killed is what triggered it

Both of these are factually wrong, others may wanna live by Ikemoto's bs rules but Im not, Kishimoto didnt spend 15 yrs establishing this power up for us to just be like 'well none of that matters now cuz Ikemoto did different' stfu, the original creator >>> an incompetent assistant that constantly says fk what Kishimoto established in his own verse to make whatever bs plot/scenario he needs to work. In this case, he needed 'change Boruto's fate' and justify Sasuke leaving with Boruto for 3 years so he pulled that omnipotence bs and then made Sarada awaken her MS solely to convince Sasuke to believe her, there was literally no other purpose than that.

So for a memory refresher, why is her MS awakening factually wrong? because neither of the explanations people give are how the MS WORKS.

This is literally in part one where we're first introduced and explained to how the MS is obtained.

Itachi says you have to kill your closest friend to obtain the MS which isnt a lie, but its not the entire truth either, but the general idea is the same as I will show here where we get more detail.

Tobirama, like Itachi, are correct in their statements, but once again it is not the entire truth either because as we've seen several times the BASE Sharingan can evolve without feelings of hatred, but a strong desire to protect those dear to you, grief, and losing a dear loved one are all triggers for the Sharingans evolution, this is further proven by the fact that Kagami and Shisui never fell into the 'curse of hatred' and still had fully evolved Sharingan, Shisui even had MS despite wanting to follow a completely pacifistic path.

Now lets go over the actual difficulty in how it is obtained, lets look at the databook first, I took the liberty of highlighting the relevant parts for those who like to stay in denial whenever this topic comes up.

A cursed ocular ninjutsu only obtainable through great sacrifice.

Through the entire history of the Uchiha clan, it was rare for a member to be able to weild the Mangekyou Sharingan.

Here's the part I want you to keep in mind going forward because I WILL be coming back to it later.

Through the entire history of the Uchiha clan

Remember that for later, now moving on to the next point, ok so thats databook statements but what about in verse? the same thing.

It was rare to obtain the MS, the clan would literally slaughter eachother trying to gain it to no avail because its NOT a simple and easy thing to obtain, otherwise everyone in the Uchiha clan would've had MS if it was just as simple as killing your own kin or being overwhelmed etc [refer to the bs reasons ppl give for why Sarada gained hers] but it actually took SPECIFIC requirements to gain, and we were shown what those were several times.

I think you notice the common theme here, Obito got his MS from seeing his best friend kill Rin, his first love, Kakashi got his at the same time from the act of killing Rin by accident, Itachi got his from watching Shisui commit suicide, Sasuke got his after killing his brother and then learning the truth about Itachi and his clan.

The theme is clear, the requirements to awaken it are even more clear, there is literally no amount of gaslighting anyone can do to overrule whats literally been consistently shown in the canon danm manga by the original creator himself.

'Oh yall just wanted Sarada to be edgy like everyone else Im glad her MS was different' is the stupidest response to this, nobody said they wanted her to be edgy, they just want her danm MS to follow the rules that have been established for 15 years. Also Shisui wasnt edgy and he had MS, so I dont even know how anyone thinks thats a gotcha anyway, she could literally still be the loving Sarada she's always been and still get MS because hatred isnt the only way the Sharingan evolves. I dunno why someone actually thought that was a rebuttal, but it just goes to show how ignorant these ppl are about how the MS works and only care about things being 'different' instead of caring about the actual worldbuilding.

Now lets move onto Sarada, her base Sharingan, although lackluster, still evolved in a way that was consistent with what was set up in OG. She awakened her sharingan for the first time due to her years of pain and longing of missing her dad and then being overjoyed when she was finally about to meet him at last. This wasnt unusual because Sasuke awakened his third tomoe because of how overwhelmed he was that Naruto considered him a brother, his first bond, and his dear friend, despite Sasuke literally trying to kill him right now and cut ties with him, Naruto's sincere love for him made his final tomoe appear. This is why the base Sharingan evolving in this way is not unusual, as long as the emotions are strong enough and struck a cord with them, then the Sharingan will evolve.

This is not the same for MS though, it is a completely different eye with a completely different set of rules, this is why Sarada's awakening is complete ass and not only that but literally breaks the rules of the verse.

Keep this in mind, she hears Naruto, her idol, the man who she aspires to be like, who at one point she wished was her dad, is dead, but not only that, she hears Mitsuki say hes going to kill Boruto. Remember this for what Im about to say next.

This is several minutes after she was told Naruto was dead and that Mitsuki was going to kill Boruto, her eyes didnt budge when she heard Naruto was dead, nor did her eyes budge hearing literally EVERYONE is actively hunting Boruto now.

At the very least the news of Naruto's death was more in line with how the MS awakens, so if she heard that and got her MS from it then it wouldnt have been all that difficult to accept, but unfortunately thats not what happened, she just sat there and cried, no reaction to Naruto dying, and no reaction to hearing and seeing Mitsuki trying to kill Boruto.

So what did trigger it? her being overwhelmed? false because thats what she was in the panels I've shown, she had been sitting there for several minutes with all this chaos goin on around her and no MS, not even her dad not believing her is what triggered it, literally NOTHING anyone tries to say it was triggered it, your literally looking at the panels, her eyes didnt BUDGE.

So what did trigger it then? if none of that did it then what did?

I shit you not, I cannot make this shit up, what triggered her MS was literally because 'Why cant Boruto ever catch a break?'

When I tell you my blood boiled reading that line words cannot describe the rage I felt because the total and I mean TOTAL disregard of everything, EVERYTHING that has happened to her dad, her idol Naruto, and Kawaki was infuriating because she NEVER asked why they cant catch a break, but now all of a sudden because poor Boruto is going through it right now all of a sudden its too cruel.

Her father lost his eye and got fatally beaten up by both Borushiki and Isshiki, Naruto was nearly killed by Isshiki and Borushiki, Kawaki was hunted down by Delta, Code, Isshiki, and Momo, Amado put karma back on him without his permission or anyones knowledge, Kawaki was slowly being consumed by Isshiki through his karma the same as Boruto was with Momoshiki and she didnt give af about NONE of that.

NONE OF THAT

She didnt give af about ANY of it, know who she did tho? Boruto, in chapter 69 who is she telling Mitsuki she feels bad for being unable to protect? Boruto, who is she angry at herself for not being reliable for? Boruto, who does she want to get stronger for so she can help them more? Boruto. This is literally right after Naruto nearly died, Kawaki nearly died, and Boruto nearly died, but the only one she gave a danm about was Boruto.

So you want the real answer to what triggered her MS? Ima be real with you, its honestly anybodys guess because Ikemoto is so bad at properly building up and portraying things clearly compared to Kishimoto, you can see clearly what the MS triggers were for everyone I showed and it isnt up for debate, its clear as day, but Sarada? you literally have to friggin guess because it just pops up so randomly your caught off guard wondering where tf that even came from.

Im not even kidding I've reread this scene so many times and I can NOT pinpoint what the trigger actually was, the only thing I can say is that the turning point was Sumire telling Sarada the cause of everything thats going on, Sarada then falls apart more because 'This is too cruel, why cant Boruto ever catch a break' which again is complete bullshit but I digress...so then she pleads for her dad to believe her and help Boruto because he's innocent but Sasuke doesnt, this is supposedly where the shift happens because her eyes are hidden during these panels.

She basically tells her dad that even if none of this makes sense to him, just to please trust her and grant her this one selfish request, aka saving Boruto.

Im not even kidding but...this is just so danm bad for her...like if I were to be completely generous and unbiased here then I can only make one conclusion from whats been laid out here and that is that her MS awakened simply because she desperately wanted her dad to save Boruto, she wanted her dad to do her this favor no matter what, she wanted him to do it so badly that her MS awakened.

That is the only explanation that can be taken from this, and that is why this is rightfully seen as the WORST MS awakening we've ever seen and why its a complete and utter disappointment because look at this shit, LOOK AT IT, she's just standing there crying and beggin daddy to help when she's had the chance to do something her danm self.

Remember earlier when she heard Mitsuki say he was gonna go kill Boruto? if she was that concerned why she aint go try to stop him? she heard everyone else out to hunt him too and yet she didnt try to go protect him from them either, I mean she could jump infront of Boruto to protect him from KK, she could jump infront of Boruto to protect him from Kawaki, she can abandon her mission to come save Boruto from Shojoji, but FOR SOME REASON she cant stand up and protect Boruto from all the people hunting him right now? her childhood friend this fandom swears up and down shes madly inlove with? she cant stand up and protect him when he needs her the most!?

I aint sayin I wanted her to be the one to leave with Boruto hell no, but leaving with him and protecting him are two entirely different things, she could've easily saved him from Inoshikacho, Chocho would've definitely tried hearin Sarada out, Sasuke could've arrived and Sarada tries to appeal to all of them there, most likely Inojin and Shikadai wouldnt believe her, Chocho is her best friend so she'd know atleast something has to be wrong for Sarada to be so insistent, and Sasuke would be the most inclined to believe her because hes already witnessed something similar with the infinite Tsukiyomi, so is it really all that impossible that Ada, who literally has Otsutsuki dna, to mass brainwash ppl? Sasuke could've told Inoshikacho to leave and let him deal with Boruto and then thats when they discuss Sarada staying behind and Sasuke leaving with Boruto for the time being.

There was no NEED for MS to achieve that, all it would've taken is a little time and effort and CARE to make that ending WORK without having to throw in a forced af power up to justify it because you were too lazy to actually write something that made sense.

But if she MUST have gotten her MS before part one was over, I can show the best opportunities they could've made it happen at.

Kawaki was about to kill Boruto, she tried asking him calmly what is going on but Kawaki just tells her not to interfere if she doesnt wanna die which shocks Sarada because this isnt like Kawaki at all, they were all friends and teammates and not long ago Kawaki was on edge trying his hardest to protect Boruto and now hes suddenly trying to kill him. Boruto told her to run but she refused and chose to protect him anyway despite Kawaki being serious about killing her if she interfered, however when actually faced with that reality she froze which resulted in Boruto saving HER instead and losing his eye.

This was a good place for MS to awaken because someone she thought was a friend is now trying to kill her other friend, her friend shes known since childhood and she cant understand why. She thought she could protect him but failed to be able to follow through and that caused her friend SHE was supposed to be protecting to end up protecting HER and losing his eye because of it. She's feeling immense guilt, betrayal, frustration, helplessness, and now she knows for sure that Kawaki really will kill both of them without hesitation.

However for this to work the scene will have to be changed a bit, Kawaki would knock Sarada out of the way cuz she isnt who he really wants to kill and then proceed to seemingly kill Boruto right infront of her before she can react in time to stop it, I say seemingly because Momo has consistently saved Boruto from otherwise fatal/irreversible injuries. Anyway after Kawaki seemingly deals the fatal blow, Sarada's MS will awaken, right then is when everyone arrives to restrain Kawaki, things play out relatively the same but only even more hostile since he apparently killed Boruto, eventually after their back and forth Boruto wakes up but its Momoshiki in control now same as the manga and he helps Kawaki escape the same way too, only difference is everyones not just shocked Momos helping but that Boruto somehow even survived, this is just another flex of Momos healing capabilities however.

Anyway thats one way she could've gotten MS that is consistent with the established rules of how the MS works.

The other moment that would've worked is the Boro fight, when everyone was getting taken out one by one and seemingly all about to be killed and Sarada was helpless on the ground after being crushed, that was more than enough reason for her MS to awaken as Boruto, Kawaki, and Mitsuki were all out cold and as good as dead.

Unfortunately neither of those happened, and thus were given the weakest, stupidest, most lackluster MS awakening in Uchiha history. Speaking of Uchiha history, remember that like I told you to remember? this is why.

A cursed ocular ninjutsu only obtainable through great sacrifice.

What did Sarada sacrifice for her MS? nothing, she sat there and cried and then begged her dad for help.

Through the entire history of the Uchiha clan, it was rare for a member to be able to weild the Mangekyou Sharingan.

THROUGH THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UCHIHA CLAN, it was RARE for a member to obtain the MS

Keywords, through the entire history of the Uchiha clan, so tell me Saradas MS is bullshit deniers, why was it SO RARE for Uchihas throughout their ENTIRE history to gain the MS if all it took was being a little overwhelmed and scared? this clan faught WARS, children DIED loved ones DIED Uchihas [and Senjus] lived in constant fear EVERY SINGLE DAY and they NEVER awakened it it from that, not even through killing their own kin willingly to gain the power up worked, so please tell me how Sarada can just change something THATS NEVER BEEN A THING in the ENTIRE history of the Uchiha clans existence, please tell me how you think Sarada can just completely change history just by crying and begging.

You cant, because its bullshit and you know it, the MS was rare for a reason, it took SACRIFICE, it took LOSS, you didnt gain it by just sitting on your ass crying and doing nothing, being scared wasnt enough to trigger it, being overwhelmed wasnt enough to trigger it, fearing for your loved ones life wasnt enough to trigger it, but you want me to believe suddenly NOW it is? do you have any idea how disrespectful that is to the entire Uchiha clan to say that none of them ever had to die, they just simply had to be in a chaotic situation [which they were] and cry about it and boom, every single Uchiha could've had their MS easy peasy.

Gtf outta here man and just be real, her MS is bullshit plan and simple and it breaks the established rules of the verse created by Kishimoto himself. IN NO WAY is simply desperately wanting your dad to save your friend enough to awaken your MS, maybe evolve your base Sharingan, but not MS.

So yea to answer your question, the most accurate conclusion to be had from this scene, although factually incorrect for the rules of the verse, In Ikemotos verse however, Sarada's MS awakened because of her desperation for her dad to save Boruto, she wanted that so bad her MS awakened as proof of just how desperate she was for her dad to grant her request, that is the truth of what triggered it.

Im not saying this happened out of some romantic love she has for Boruto, no, but thats still her dear friend shes known her entire life, I dunno why ppl treating her MS awakening in reference to him means she loves him romantically...like I literally saw a tiktok recently where Sarada says 'I awakened my MS for you' and when asked why/how she saids 'Because I like you' and I was just like 😑 yea no wonder people keep defending this garbage, they really do NOT understand how the MS works at all. Out of all the Uchiha's we've seen awaken MS, Obito was the only one who did out of romantic love, the rest was familiar or platonic love, so why her MS awakening is somehow proof of her romantic love for him that till this day is still unconfirmed is beyond me but whatever, these ppl will stay delusional no matter what the facts same so yea, I hope this was able to answer your question.

[abyssaldespair]

Is kamui Obito's favorite ability?

Oh yes, definitely. Despite the circumstances of the awakening of his Mangekyo sharingan, Obito revells in his ocular powers, he holds a lot of pride in them.

Kamui represents his escapist tendencies. Even as a child, Obito didn't agree with the way the world worked and wanted to change it to stop the wars. That was a good, positive start for him but also the start of some of his denials.

Obito gave up on his life when he shoved Kakashi out of the way of the boulder that crushed him and on his dying breath, had a hard time accepting what had just happened. Then, when Rin died, Obito entirely gave up on the world he was living in, refused to deal with anything regarding it - including grief - and thus, Kamui was 'born'.

What's a better symbol of his refusal of reality than being able to phase through physical things as if they did not exist, as a form of avoidance from his physical world, and the ability to simply leave the world entirely for another dimension devoid of anything happy or sad, as a form of mental avoidance. Or even, the ability to make things or people he dislikes disappear, as another way to not have to deal with it. Had Obito have his left eye, which would allow him to teleport objects or people without having to make physical contact, his disconnection from reality would have been all the more problematic.

Kamui is Obito's favorite and most used ability for it's not only very powerful, it allows him to not have to deal with the reality around him, which is the surrounding theme of his goals, actions and character.

[evisioncare]

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[medbillingcycle]

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Demographics: This includes the patient's full name, address, phone number, date of birth, gender, and insurance information. Verifying insurance coverage and eligibility is essential to determine the patient's coverage and ensure timely payment.

Medical history: Gathering the patient's medical history, including any pre-existing conditions, medications, allergies, and relevant family medical history, is crucial for comprehensive patient care. Additionally, this information can impact the type and frequency of services provided, influencing billing codes and documentation requirements.

Consent forms: Consent forms, such as HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) forms, must be signed by the patient to authorize the release of medical information and ensure compliance with privacy regulations.

Encounter Documentation

Accurate and detailed documentation of each patient encounter is pivotal in optometry billing. Here are the key components of encounter documentation:

Chief complaint: Recording the patient's primary reason for the visit, including any symptoms or concerns, helps establish medical necessity for the provided services.

History of present illness: Documenting the specific details of the patient's condition, including onset, duration, and any associated symptoms, provides critical context for proper diagnosis and treatment.

Examination findings: Thoroughly documenting the results of ocular examinations, such as visual acuity measurements, refraction tests, intraocular pressure readings, and any additional tests performed, is essential. Detailed examination findings support accurate coding and billing for the services provided.

Diagnosis and treatment plan: Accurate diagnosis coding using the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) codes ensures appropriate reimbursement. The treatment plan, including prescribed medications, referrals, and follow-up instructions, should also be clearly documented.

Procedure and service documentation: Accurately capturing the details of each procedure or service performed, such as contact lens fitting, eye exams, surgical interventions, and ancillary tests, is crucial for proper coding and billing. Include relevant CPT (Current Procedural Terminology) codes to indicate the specific services provided.

Insurance Information

Understanding and navigating the complexities of insurance coverage is vital for successful optometry billing. Consider the following aspects:

Insurance verification: Verifying patient insurance coverage and eligibility before the visit ensures accurate billing and reduces claim denials. Gathering information such as insurance carrier, policy number, group number, and effective dates is necessary.

Prior authorization: Some services, such as specialty contact lenses or specific diagnostic tests, may require prior authorization from the insurance provider. Understanding the requirements and obtaining the necessary approvals before rendering services is essential to avoid claim denials.

Insurance claims submission: Submitting claims promptly and accurately is crucial for timely reimbursement. Familiarize yourself with the specific submission requirements of each insurance carrier, including electronic claims submission, paper claim forms, and any specific billing modifiers or codes they may require.

Coding and Documentation Compliance

Accurate coding and documentation are paramount for compliant billing and reimbursement. Consider the following aspects to ensure compliance:

Current Procedural Terminology (CPT) codes: Selecting the appropriate CPT codes for the services rendered is crucial. Familiarize yourself with the CPT code set and updates to ensure accurate code selection.

International Classification of Diseases (ICD) codes: Assigning accurate ICD codes to reflect the patient's diagnosis supports medical necessity and appropriate reimbursement.

Modifier usage: Proper utilization of modifiers, such as those indicating bilateral procedures or specific circumstances, ensures accurate payment and prevents claim rejections.

Compliance with regulations: Staying up-to-date with billing and documentation regulations, such as those outlined by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) and insurance carriers, is vital for compliant billing practices.

Conclusion

Efficient optometry billing is reliant on accurate and comprehensive information gathering, documentation, and coding. From patient demographics and encounter documentation to insurance verification and compliant coding, attention to detail is crucial. By understanding the essential components of optometry billing, practitioners can navigate the billing process successfully, optimize reimbursement, and focus on delivering exceptional eye care to their patients.

[rriavian]

Ok so I haven't been able to write almost anything all week but! After our conversation in the replies I could not help myself so please enjoy this little mini fic because this has inspired me <3

-

The idea that Dream was willing to play at it—play soft and delicate and needing—was a tantalising puzzle.

The Corinthian was made for solving puzzles.

This was a thing to taste, to crunch through, for sure it was to enjoy but it was also to bite deep into, teeth sinking to find another layer of truth at its centre. Even a play like this was full bodied; with Dream every new venture a fine wine, unveiled from its keeping in the cellar, brought out into light for the Corinthian to uncork so it could breathe. 

Now he took hold of a pale, slender wrist, brought it to his mouth and kissed it.

Gentle, chaste, as soft as the rules of this game. A moment of that before he parted his lips, pressed closer still, breathed in the taste of bruises Dream had painted onto his own skin. Marks in exchange for a kiss. His ocular mouths parted too, tasted the hint of that wound in the air, the input a mingling of what was faint and what was full. All at once denial and surrender—that so often the truth, the Corinthian's three mouths could so rarely taste the same thing at once—a frustrating tease and a complete offering. Complete enough that he grazed teeth, dragged them slow and deliberately careful across the underside of Dream’s wrist. It was performance only in highlight, in how the Corinthian emphasised, framed the choice to not try and bite.

To not try and hurt.

Dream sighed, exhaled like that bottle of wine freshly decanted, poured out in exact measures into a clear crystal glass. Not ready to drink yet, not settled enough to truly taste, but getting there. 

Breathing at last. 

i think touch starved dream should be more pathetic about it. imagine he stumbles on purpose so the corinthian can grab his shoulder and stop him from falling or he just finds the most ridiculous excuses to touch hands (here. hold these books they’re too heavy for me. and dream passes stack of books to the corinthian so he just can brush his fingers against nightmare’s). or or or he’s like oh. seems like i twisted my ankle. you need to carry me to my chambers EVEN tho he’s of the endless and can’t twist an ankle

[jolieeason]

Top Ten Tuesday: Unread Books on My Shelves I Want to Read Soon

Top Ten Tuesday was created by The Broke and the Bookish in June of 2010 and was moved to That Artsy Reader Girl in January of 2018. It was born of a love of lists, a love of books, and a desire to bring bookish friends together. Every Tuesday, a new topic is assigned from the schedule below. Then, you take that topic and fly free with it. You can do as little or as much as you want to (I have…

[doshmanziari]

A Phenomenology of Gazes || Nope

“Nope” is almost aggressively defined by gazes. Anyone who has seen it will remember Daniel Kaluuya’s character, OJ, not so much deducing as intuiting, within a life-or-death scenario, that the movie’s flying saucer — really, more of an Unidentified Feeding Object — consumes anything which grants (or appears to grant, as the movie’s climax demonstrates) it attention. This recalls a pivotal scene from “Get Out” wherein the protagonist, also played by Kaluuya, avoids falling under hypnotic suggestion by stuffing his ears with cotton. In both scenes, the person is in direct contact with the threat and nullifies it by an autonomous denial, the preservation of a crucial sensory faculty.

But a quick review of the rest of the film reveals that the gaze is everywhere, from the eyes-on-you gesture shared between OJ and his sister, Em (Keke Smith); to the moment when a chimpanzee “animal actor”, Gordy, having just exceeded his limit for being a captive and gone violently berserk on set, locks eyes with a surviving boy actor, Jupe (Steven Yeun); to what becomes a shared concern, or obsession, among OJ, Em, Angel (an electronics store employee, played by Brandon Perea), and esteemed filmmaker Antlers Holst (Michael Wincott) to film or photograph the UFO.

As with OJ’s intuition and aversion, the gaze here is also defined by its avoidance or negation: when OJ, who has inherited a horse ranch from his father, brings one of his horses to the set for a commercial, he tilts his head down and away from the reach of the rest of the irksome crew; OJ’s father is killed when miscellanea is ejected at blistering speed from the UFO’s oral-anal hole and a nickel enters his brain through his right eyeball; a recapitulation of the scene involving Gordy, as viewed from different cameras and moments before the assault, stresses the chimpanzee’s presence by his absence by keeping the focus solely on the humans (this ocular exclusion is also an effective technique for invoking an expectant anxiety).

What to make of all this? Locating a theme only tells us that the theme is there, or that it may be interpreted as being there. What I’ve omitted to mention so far is that OJ is black, as are his sister and father.

In certain ways, “Nope” is as much a UFO movie as it isn’t. Although Jordan Peele’s screenplay engages with contemporary incidents and aspects, both reputable — Helene Cooper, Ralph Blumenthal, and Leslie Kean’s NYT article of 2017 is mentioned — and disreputable — Angel’s namedrop of Ancient Aliens prompted a ripple of knowing laughter among the theater’s audience — , its narrative is ultimately a divergent appropriation of the UFO phenomenon. The only black-eyed humanoids here are costumed folks playing a prank on OJ, while the UFO turns out to be an aerial life form, a sort of enormous, sky-bound variant of oceanic siphonophores. Its interiors are not curvilinear metallic chambers containing operating tables but a network of puffy, ribbed digestive tracts, an inflatable funhouse from a thrumming nightmare.

That these divergences might disappoint some people (including myself, to a degree) is beside the point that “Nope” is the first major UFO movie I can think of which so prominently foregrounds black people, to say nothing of Jupe or Angel. While it racially implicates the film industry and the uses of photographic technology, this foregrounding also evokes the notable lack of black Americans’ accounts of, or engagement with material concerning, UFOs. Barney and Betty Hill’s experience still stands out today, not just because of its situating as the United States’ first widely publicized, domestic account of alien abduction, but also because of Barney’s blackness. So obvious and pervasive is this lack that when Patricia Avant produced a short film featuring her own footage, she was compelled to entitle it like a corrective assertion: “Black People Do See UFOs.”

Undoubtedly, black people do see UFOs. The phenomenon is worldwide, relentless, and seemingly nonselective (excepting an understudied intergenerational pattern). Yet when one examines, at least as far as the United States goes, the details of authorship, reports, and cults, one does find a dearth of black people. Anthony Lane’s review for The New Yorker is keen to illustrate a difference between OJ and Richard Dreyfuss’ character in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”: “Both guys lean out to see what’s happening. Roy gets flashed and scalded for his pains, and, as the encounter ends, he is left panting and shuddering in shock. O.J., on the other hand, opens the driver’s door, glances upward, and then, with unforgettable aplomb, slowly closes the door again. He contents himself with uttering a single word: ‘Nope.’”

OJ’s utterance is the equivalent to “I don’t fuck with that,” and the retraction of his gaze is as self-assured as it is self-preserving. But we needn’t only look forty-five years ago to Spielberg’s movie to find a difference of attitude: during “Nope”’s final confrontation with the UFO, Antlers removes himself from shelter for the sake of a money shot and is gobbled up. Although the movie’s internal context might sooner prompt one to consider Antlers’ decision as being informed by a suicidal-romantic commitment to True Art, for me it recalls the cavalier attitude of modern contact-pursuing cults like Steven Greer’s, wherein everything that is dangerous about UFOs has been sidelined by an underlying arrogance. It is just as unsubstantiated and reductive to suggest that black Americans may generally avoid talking about UFOs because of some uniform, trauma-informed cautiousness as it is somehow unsurprising to know that Greer is white, as were practically all of the UFO cult leaders mentioned by Jacques Vallée in his 1979 book, Messengers of Deception.

Antlers’ hand-cranked film camera, like all cameras, is an eye with its own type of gaze: directive and reflective, but not affected. Its antique form calls to mind an early scene, wherein Em joins OJ on the commercial’s set to give the background for the ranch’s business. Referring to one of photographer Eadweard Muybridge’s later chronophotographic sequences depicting a black jockey upon a horse, Em explains that this “nameless” jockey, in contrast to Muybridge’s renown and the horse having a recorded name, is actually identifiable (a fiction of the movie’s) and her family’s thrice-great-grandfather. Expanded to a fuller context, the centrality of the camera here, and elsewhere, speaks to its real-world powers as an arbiter of history, reality, and humanization, or dehumanization. OJ and company’s fixation on the cameras they install on the ranch to film and thus prove the UFO’s existence is simultaneously reasonable and unprecedentedly modern. Objectivity, as it were (with all the ways by which the camera objectifies), has priority over empirical reality. The subject is made or unmade by the lens’ presence.

So there is an irony to Em’s historical pride, not lost, I think, to the movie: a dimension of her and her family’s racial, cultural, and vocational lineage has been legitimized by a prototype of the same technology which has been used to invisiblize them. The fact that we are, in many respects, more beholden to the camera, and its industries, than it is to us is suggested by a feature of the shapeshifting UFO’s final form: an angular, green projection containing a sort of inscrutable mouth and, with each of its undulations, producing a whipping sound. Here is the green screen placed behind actors, ready to tame and overpower them, and future audiences, with a consuming spectacle. Naturally, this implicates “Nope” itself, to a degree.

The movie’s simultaneous engagement with and disengagement from the UFO phenomenon, and its fixation on the gaze’s powers and vulnerabilities, also aligns it — unintentionally or not — with a commonality among abduction reports. The main pop-cultural legacy of Whitley Strieber’s Communion: A True Story, published in 1987, may be the crude, shameful reduction of Strieber’s trauma to a sort of prison-rape “joke”; but its secondary legacy is surely its disturbing cover: a painting of an almond-eyed being who looks at us with a sort of unknowable, arresting placidity. Accordingly, one finds within the literature (John E. Mack’s and David M. Jacobs’ books being exemplary) descriptions of a being staring into the abductee’s eyes. The abductee, who has little to no control over their body, has the profoundly naked impression that they are being mentally infiltrated, that nothing about their inner or outer life can be kept secret from the gaze. These experiences are caught between the aforementioned mean-spirited joke, New Age sentimentality determined to see the phenomenon only as a drawn-out protocol for spiritual guidance, and scientific disciplines which categorically refuse to study them even from the angle of a collective, subconscious fiction with psychosomatic effects.

If the phenomenon is the product of human minds, then it would seem to be meta-fiction rather than fiction, in the sense that dreams are also sorts of demon-strative fictions with, nevertheless, a psychic (and then physical) reality. This reflective quality of meta-fiction brings us back to the fact that to examine aspects of UFOs is to also examine aspects of ourselves and the ways of the world (and perhaps universe). In cattle mutilations are resonances of our meat industry; in crafts’ killing of the verdure they land upon are resonances of the effects of our vehicles and airplanes; in their effects upon witnesses’ skin, hair, and internal organs are resonances of our scientists’ acquiescence in developing weapons of biological warfare; in the beings’ remorseless forcing of humans to be medical subjects are resonances of productions such as Unit 73, or our experiments upon “lower” animals.

It is the Otherness of the phenomenon which simultaneously readies a gazeful cognizance of its horrors and a blindness to our own capacity for even greater heights of “inhumanity” — a nice word that allows us to believe evilness is the corruption of an inherent gentility. That the threat of “Nope”’s UFO centers around its voracious nature and violent excretions (an inversion paralleling the camera’s inversion of an image) is not, then, only symbolically indicative of socioeconomic or sociocultural hegemony but its phenomenological nearness to us, a horrific immanence settled below a constructed normality. This nearness is never more powerfully illustrated by the movie than in its thunderstorming scene where the UFO hovers right above the ranch house, dumping a deluge of blood and phantasmic screams upon its exterior. It is this scene above all others where one may reconsider whether or not this is truly “just” a hungry creature, and not also the revenge of the unconscious, or the anima mundi.

When OJ asks Em, after having first seen the UFO, “What’s a bad miracle?”, the answer to his question might be a miracle, all the same. Sophocles’ tragic observation, “Nothing vast enters the life of mortals without a curse”, is as applicable to the invention of the magical camera (now so common as to have had its obviously magical qualities regularized and diminished) as it is to the emergence of the magical UFO phenomenon. Prior to the camera, there was the camera obscura, the “dark chamber.” We can literalize and metaphorize this term for a statement: the camera obscures as it reveals. And is not the same thing true of UFOs, those cameras, vaulted chambers, of the sky? To gaze upon the miraculous, the wondrous, is to receive all of its afflictions.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

The guys from Death Mark reacting to their SO getting cursed (make it as angsty as you want have fun)

Ahh, let’s see, let’s see...I will have Yashiki, Mashita, Daimon and Shou, I guess x

~~~~

Yashiki Kazuo

Oh, no no no, not again! Not you, out of all people, not YOU!

Yashiki has terrible PTSD from all the ghosts he encountered, all the anxiety and adrenaline he had surging through his veins, and all the terribly heart-breaking stories that he had the misfortune to find out, so you randomly getting the Mark will affect him the most.

He will be absolutely heart broken seeing the mark on your body, and the desperate fright pooling in your eyes, he would have done anything to swap places and have that mark on himself, and you to be safe and sound.

Yashiki would be a chaotic mess and would call all of the people he helped, to help him back, so you would definitely live, without any ounce of doubt.

He knew very well the hopelessness of accidentally destroying a ghost, instead of purifying it, and thus, having someone die before his very eyes, but you will be the exception.

No matter what, he will NOT let you die.

He will go to the ends of the world, getting himself in life-threatening danger, against both real people, and the supernatural, just to ensure your safety above all else.

He won’t rest even for a second until the ghost is done for, and when it disappears, he will run to you, rapidly taking away the piece of clothing covering your Death Mark, only to pull you into a crushing hug and will start sobbing, finally relieved that you are okay.

After this whole ordeal is all over, he will get overprotective over you and will, subtly or not, check out every inch of your skin to make sure you don’t get the Mark again, and he isn’t there to save you.

Not to mention, he will have nightmares again, and will wake up in a cold sweat because of it, and the only thing that would sooth him would be hugging you, and having the lights on.

Mashita Satoru

You are kidding, right?

You must be kidding.

There’s no way in hell you’d have the Death Mark, that shit is long gone, and there’s no way you would have it too.

But...The way you drew the design on your skin...So perfectly...And it wouldn’t come out...

What kind of stupid sorcery is this?!

He will be in a bit of a denial at first, only to get violent and punch a hole into a wall ( if it’s a false wall, obviously ) , then will go out on the balcony and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in one go to get himself in check, before going back to you and pulling you into a tight hug, one hand on the back of your head, the other on your back, and telling you that everything will be okay.

He already went again so many ghosts, what’s one more? And with the help of Yashiki, he’s unstoppable.

He couldn’t protect his mentor from being killed by the Cult, but he won’t make the same mistake again - He will protect you, even if it costs him his life.

Mashita knows he’s absolute shit at expressing himself and his feelings verbally, but at least through actions, he will make sure you know damn well he loves you to the moon and back, and nothing can stay between you and him.

He won’t even remember that he’s afraid of ghosts a little bit, or that could easily kill him any time - He’s just focused on saving you.

But gosh, he’d be a nightmare, especially with Yashiki - He’ll order him around, be more verbally aggressive, and will find any way to vent out his anger and frustrations if even the tiniest thing doesn’t go according to his plan.

By the end of it all, he will almost suggest the two of you get Yashiki to move in so he will make sure at least one person is there with you at all times...But he quickly dismisses that thought anyway, and will want to be the only knight in white-...Well, maybe more like a non-conventional Sherlock Holmes surrounded in an aura of cigarette smoke, but he will still protect you just as well, nonetheless.

“The thing you do with your own hands are the ones best done” is his motto.

For the first time since you’ve known him, he will decide to confess everything that’s happened in his life, and why he’s always so bitter towards the world, and how you are the only light in his life and would rather off himself than knowing you fell prey to those stupid ghosts.

You almost thought you dreamt it, but better remember what you witnessed that night, it will be the only night of vulnerability you will see from him.

Daimon Shuuji

Internally panics so hard that you thought his brain had a short circuit...Or he died on his feet.

His eyes look dead, straight into your eyes, but he doesn’t sketch any emotions...Nor does he move a muscle...Not even a single twitch.

You’d wave your hand in front of his face trying to catch any ocular movement, and even got the flashlight, and nothing.

Is he really not dead, though?

You started gradually worrying more and more, until you hear a faint, but really pained, “Fuck”, which shocked you beyond belief, since Daimon NEVER cursed around you.

He won’t even realise he said that, and would grab you and would start staring at your mark with a frown, having flashbacks of what happened when it happened to him.

Terrible time, would not recommend, 0/10 review.

Sighing, he took out his phone and contacted the Masquerade Squad, Yashiki, Mashita and Hiroo to help him out with this mess, since he knows very well he can’t do it all alone, but at least he’s thankful he can help sooth your worries and make sure you’re alright until they properly solve the ghostly mystery.

You know very well that his sickly predisposition usually makes him lethargic and cranky, enough to get a terrible reputation for the way he delivers news to his patients, but now, it’s like he’s a completely different person - So tender and gentle, only words of comfort and reassurance.

Daimon would cling on you like a baby sloth to his mother, as a way to keep you around him and make sure you don’t somehow disappear from him, just like how Hiroo got possessed while being alone, back at the Love Hotel, and then was set into a coma until those two purified the ghost.

After you’re all set and done, he will call his hospital and tell them that he needs a 1 month vacation, then talk to your employer for the same thing, and will get you to some nice resort, to relax and forget that such a horrific event ever happened in your life.

He will have a period of time during the beginning of your holiday when he’ll outright deny the existence of your Mark and that you virtually almost died, but then he saw that it was affecting you negatively, and decided to open up his heart and have a proper talk to you and explain everything that happened, why it happened, how he met everyone, his ghostly encounters.

He will admit to being scared out of his wits’ end and the fear of losing you kinda messed him up a bit.

Daimon knows very well that his health is failing, and if you were to die before him, it would crush him without fail, and there would be no remedy to mend his broken heart.

Nagashima Shou

Outright panic mode intensified by 100.

Would shriek and fall on the ground seeing the Mark on your skin.

What did you do? Where did you go? How did it happen? Do you still have all your memories intact? Do you remember who he is? Do you remember who you are?

Will pace in a circle around you, pulling at his hair and cursing constantly, forgetting that you are there for a second, before taking you by the shoulders and shaking you, his eyes glistering with tears as he desperately says that he won’t let you die, and will make sure the best ghost hunters will solve this issue, and -

- And will completely neglect to explain to you what the hell is going on, and really, you’re just super confused at everything going on and don’t understand the gravity of the situation, but will let him do as he pleases, even letting him take you with him on his motorbike to this big and ominous Mansion where a bunch of people were ready to help with this issue, but they all failed to explain what is going on.

In the end, you just kept treating it like some silly game, despite seeing the fright emanating from Shou, so you’d hold his hand and reassure him that everything will go fine.

You never believed in ghost, but shit, when you saw the monstruosity in front of you, all you could do was stare at it with your jaw dropped to the floor, shock and horror overwhelming the previous confusion, as you clinged on his jacket and tried to keep your composure.

When one of the detectives yelled at you to run away, he picked you up and breezed out of the haunted place, far away, until he got to the car, which is when he started panting and hugging you tightly, muttering “You will be alright” over and over again, almost as if to convince himself that.

All the time until Yashiki and Mashita came out of the haunted house, Shou held you tightly, almost to the point of depriving you of the much needed oxygen your lungs needed, and as soon as he spots them, he takes a look at your Mark, only to see it gone, then he clashes his lips on yours, so relieved that you were finally okay and all the drama was over for good.

When you return home, you make him a cup of hot chocolate and sit him down so he would finally explain to you properly - What the hell just happened - And it was only then that he realised he never told you about his own adventure with the Death Mark, nor did he explain that you were on the verge of death just now, so he feels really stupid, but laughs it off and says he was just too worried.

Shou will become just a bit more grateful to have you in his life, realising how short life can be, and how things work in weird ways, which will make him cherish and treasure you even more than he already did, if that’s even possible.

[alaskan-wallflower]

aw, it’s okay!! chronic ocular migraines…but anyway! of hours will tell you about it! i still like-can’t believe it honestly 😭i’m still lowkey in denial about everything-but i’m genuinely so so SO excited to be going!! i might just die tomorrow lol

alaska,,,,if the show you're about to go to soon is your first time seeing the outsiders i just need to say,,,,,,it is going to be a MILLION times more amazing than you could ever imagine oml i thought i had an idea of what it was going to be like but it was like. a spiritual experience i could have never expected. i have NEVER seen anything that cool or phenomenal in front of my own eyes i swear you are going to have an amazing time

funny story! this is my second time seeing it haha-back then i wasn’t really hyperfixated on the content so i like…barely remember anything because i was actually sick when i went to go see it—so it’s basically my first time, yeah 😭 when i went i remember we had dan berry as soda and i believe wonza as dally? i don’t remember much of their performances but yeah!! im genuinely SO stoked to go (2 more days??? 48 hours from now??? huhhh???) and I CANNOT wait-especially since i might be sitting next to BG himself like i feel like that’s just unreal. i’m soooo incredibly stoked and i’m SO glad that you went!! I’m glad you had fun!! <33 i’m trying to prepare myself mentally-

[ladyramora]

Since Emet is possessive and jealous of WOL and as Crystal Exarch have feelings for them, can we see them clash over WOL and some tension and conflict ? :)

“How sweet you both are,” the sneer in that voice is what makes the Exarch turn, startled from his far-off wistful gazing. “It makes my teeth ache.” 

A smile quirks at his lips. “Does it? Or is it only that you grind your teeth as you watch in your jealousy, lurking in the shadows?”

Emet-Selch slinks from the shadows with a golden eyed glower. “Jealousy?” The Ascian scoffs. “You are mistaken.”

The Exarch leans on his staff, humming softly with that same smile. “Am I? I do not think I am.” He had witnessed for himself how the Ascian seemed to always find their Champion when they were alone. Seeking their company. Trading barbs. Had seen with his own eyes, watching in the Ocular, the softening of Emet-Selch. In those hard, tired golden eyes. The barest hint of a smile at his lips aside from when he was mocking. The way he stood close, and how he stared after them in just the same manner he, himself, had just been. 

“Admit it, Emet-Selch,” the Exarch taps his staff, pointing the business end toward the Ascian as he saunters closer in that lazy, hunched stroll of his. “You’ve grown fond.”

Emet-Selch’s lips curl, nose scrunching as if he had smelled something foul. “I will admit no such thing.” 

Hm, so that was the way of it. Denial. The Exarch had wallowed in his own, when he had been a young man. But that had been so long ago then, and this was now. He was finished with denials and denying himself. 

“Oh?” His smile widens, stance relaxed as he watches the man move about the Ocular in perceived lazy boredom. “Then… if you are not, you will not mind my intentions to court their favor.” 

That gets a reaction. The Acian turns his head, golden eyes narrow of his shoulder. “Court? You?” The Ascian smiles mockingly, eyebrows furrowing as if he thought it were particularly humorous. “You, broken thing that you are, think yourself their equal?” 

Oh? So he did not consider the Warrior broken as well now? How very interesting. 

“We both are, to you, are we not?” the Exarch prods. “Surely you would not lower your esteemed self to consort with us lesser beings?” It took all he had not to laugh, smile strained through his words. 

He can see his jaw clench and teeth grind. Feel the wrath in that golden eyed stare. On his face as he withholds a snarl behind twitching lips. Ah, jealousy. A refusal to admit his opinions - and feelings! - had changed. For the Warrior of Light, if none else. 

 “What will you do then?” The Ascian questions. A divert in topic, but one the Exarch allows. For now. 

He shrugs delicately. “That is for me to know. And for you to watch unfold, hidden in the shadows.” 

Emet-Selch tilts his head, his smile pitying. “You think to win their heart? Their… love?” 

The Exarch inclines his head, a fanciful smile softening his lips. “I can only hope. Though I imagine I would fair far better than you.” 

Emet-Selch bristles, straightening up from his slouch. “Make no mistake, Exarch. I could have their heart, should I but desire it. The competition would prove too much for you, I’m afraid. Frail thing that you are.”

The Exarch laughs at that. “Ah, yes, well… I am an old man. But you are far older than me. And I do believe I have a head start as I’ve already begun taking small steps. You would need to catch up if you meant to be any sort of challenge to me.”

Suddenly the Ascian is in his space, crowding close and grasping at his jaw with a white gloved hand. “Hmph,” he scoffs, examining the Exarch with scrutinizing golden eyes as he turns his chin left to right. His thumb pressing into the plump flesh of the Exarch’s bottom lip. 

“I suppose you are attractive enough,” the Ascian drawls. “For a.. lesser being.”

His heart thuds hard behind crystal. The Ascian was still unpredictable after all.

The Ascian smirks down at him. “Caught you off guard, did I? Good.” His cloth covered thumb drags over the Exarch’s bottom lip. His smirk deepening as the smaller man shivers and swallows heavily. 

He leans in, his voice taking on a silky, seductive quality that leaves the Exarch feeling more than a little nervous. What was his game?

 “…Think of this as a taste of what is to come,” the Ascian says soft and dark. His thumb continuing that back and forth sweeping motion across his lower lip. The gold of his eyes blazing in intensity. “You are not ready to become more than my ally, my dear. I will best you. You and your sweet Warrior of Light.”

The Exarch’s lips part, his reply fizzling on his tongue as the Ascian laughs at him, stroking over his chin and down his throat. His smile is wicked.

 “…Good luck.” 

The Ascian disappears into the swallowing dark, no longer bracing the Exarch, and the man stumbles forward two steps before catching himself with his staff.

His skin is buzzing, lips burning from the lingering feel of Emet-Selch’s scorching, branding touch.

He covers his mouth, heart stuttering in a quickened rhythm. 

Perhaps he had made a mistake in challenging Emet-Selch. 

He had only wanted the man to admit his feelings.

He had very much not intended to awaken anything in himself.    

 “…Oh dear.” What had he done. He felt as wild and reckless as he did as a young man. 

[patheticwithanem]

Living on the Edge

Because I have to throw in some Survivor reference at some point, right?

Much like Survivor’s Edge of Extinction twist, the year sucked. And 7 months in, it still continues to be this supermassive black hole, sucking you in, eating you alive (not sure the metaphor works but whatever). Week after week when you think there’s no way it could get any worse, 2020 continues to outdo itself. I think it’s fair to compare it to living on the Edge of Extinction where you’re still very much alive but there’s this creeping stench of death that will consume you from within. You’re out of the game (of life for a while) but you still have a chance to get back. You’re thrown to this place of nothingness that could either make or break you; you don’t have a lot going on, you’re basically just waiting for your chance to get back to the game and while waiting for that shot, you’ll have to dig deep for a lot of your inner strength because the anxiety will inevitably deplete you the longer you wait. While this is probably the worst metaphor I can use about my favorite TV show and life, it’s the sad and exhausting truth.

I can whine all day but to put matters in perspective, here’s a quick recap of what has been happening in the country and the world the past couple of months: a volcanic eruption in January that killed the livelihood of hundreds of families and businesses, earthquakes, wildfire in Australia, the US-China trade war turning to be more sour than ever, and to top it all of, the coronavirus pandemic. I’m sure there’s still a lot I missed out but for 7 months, that’s a lot to take in. And to be quite honest, these catastrophic events only made the cultural and political divides more apparent than ever. It doesn’t help when The Powers That Be are more keen on protecting their own interests rather than actually helping proactively solve our problems. From closing a major broadcast network, arresting and killing journalists, jailing the Opposition, a mockery of our rights for freedom of speech masked as an “anti-terrorism” bill, accumulation of national debt (to be paid by our generation and the generations to come), selective justice as the government’s alliances are exempted from the law, friends becoming richer and more powerful cronies, rampant extra-judicial killings, propaganda machines hellbent on misleading the masses, a culture of fanaticism that’s become rabid and toxic, corruption, abuse of authority, lies... I mean, I could go on and on.

Man, that got political really quickly. I’m sorry but my frustration’s at an all time high it’s become more personal to me now.

As for me, plans were put on a halt. I came in declaring that 2020′s gonna be my best year yet, and that I plan on making the most out of it and that I’m gonna MAKE THINGS HAPPEN (and for once, I actually meant it; I mean come on, I now have a planner and a journal!). But the world spit right in my face. And I still feel grossed out. I had this plan laid out for 2020: I was gonna be taking responsibility for my life, holding myself accountable for everything I did, I’ll do and refuse to do. I was ready to take bigger leaps and was gonna stop procrastinating (finishing what I started!). And as cliché as this sounds, I really wanted this year to be about me really finding myself. But the curveballs got me. I got really entangled with the same old (and some really bad habits from the deeper pasts). Instead of making quarantine my bitch, I became its bitch by getting caught up with bingeing TV and movies more than I probably should, eating more than I probably should (WHAT HAPPENED TO THE NEW AND SEXIER YOU IN 2020 BROTHER) and spending more than I probably should. I was even arguing with my family more than I probably should (totally embarrassing). I got in a huge fight with my dad about differences in political (and cultural) opinions and I decided to let my ego swallow me in entirety. We weren’t in speaking terms for about a month, in a really tiny house while we see each other 24/7 on quarantine. And then an intervention and a surprisingly refreshing meltdown (which I haven’t done in YEARS, in my defense lol). Old habits.

And the pandemic really took its toll on us financially too. Our incomes were significantly cut to the point that we have to move to a new place because we won’t be able to sustain this lifestyle. I personally have been really averse to change that the prospect of moving and having to start all over again overwhelmed me. And I hated the idea of losing our place because I really got emotionally attached to it - not just the house but the community and the memories too. I mean, the young community here made me feel a lot younger for the longest time (lol)! And the thought of losing that was a tough pill to swallow. So the past few months have been a slow burn, from setting up to sell the condo unit to having all these potential buyers viewing the house to also making all these ocular visits on potential places we’re gonna move to, all while going through all stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. All down.

I had this weird thing going setting a Word of the Month when the year started. January was SEEDS and was about planting them which was an epic fail hence February’s word was RETRY (still was a huge clusterfuck by the way). March was VALUE, April was INTEGRITY, May was ENDURE, June was BREATHE. While I didn’t feel like I was able to really inhabit those words, I did have some moments like reaching my work quota in March and stayed true to a torturous 30-day financial detox (which is no easy feat!).

So July’s CHANGE. So  something’s got to change. As much as I want this year to be over already, I realized there’s still a few more months worth working on. Though easier said than done, I’ve got to let go of things I can’t control. Instead of waiting for the gyms to go operational again, maybe I should start watching my diet and doing home exercises for now. Instead of half-assing work, maybe I should really commit and see what happens. I’ve been trying to adapt to survive, but maybe the change is not just about surviving anymore. Maybe I need to thrive. We’re in this for the long haul (sadly) and reality’s hitting me: whether I change or not is completely up to me. Whether I survive, or thrive, or not, is completely up to me.

So maybe take it from the Edge of Extinction Queen Natalie Anderson (and Chris Underwood, fine). Maybe it’s time to work the Edge. I’ll have my time pushing through with those plans like visiting Bagan in Myanmar and Sapa in Vietnam. But maybe for now, it’s time I work the Edge.