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queennicoleinboots · 4 years ago

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Vegan Taco Mac with Count Macrula and Count Macula, Jr., part 7

Count Macrula, Count Macula, Jr., FreeLee the Banana Girl, and I returned from Publix and saw Joebear and the spirit of Colonel America smashing the TVs. Joebear had anger issues because he lost to Hecarim in League of Losers too many times.

FreeLee the Banana Girl saw the TVs being destroyed and was pleased.

"Send FreeLee the Banana Girl to the heavens! She is done here!" Count Macrula shouted as lightning shot out of the palms of his hands.

FreeLee the Banana Girl floated to heaven. Everyone noticed, nodded, and then went on with his or her day.

Joebear then grabbed a TV, walked outside, and took a dump on the TV. I got excited and joined him outside. I grabbed the right cheek of that big bear ass.

"This WILL NOT DO!" Count Macrula shouted. "We need a castle in order to have Vegan Taco Mac with Count Macula, Jr!"

Tyler1, Joebear, the cast of PeeWee Herman, Paul the Goat, Patches, Lindsay, Prince Carrington, and Nugget screamed.

Count Macrula sang in dark angelic language before he shouted, "HOOOMMEEE!!!!" in a baritone language. A gothic castle descended slowly from the sky onto Count Macula, Jr.'s family of gray bears' property.

We were all of a sudden surrounded by great high cathedral ceilings that were painted with Count Macula, Jr.'s family photos, including his long lost cousin's sister's brother's former college roommate, whom he mentioned was absolutely nobody to him back in Swamp Ass With Bears when he was still Colonel Mac. Count Macula Jr.'s father's van was parked in a valet garage by a beautiful arc angel who looked like Quentin Tarantino. He parked the van next to a black 1933 hearse that looked like the one used in the first Dracula movie.

Count Macula Jr.'s computer desk was upgraded to dark oak with multiple drawers and a place to put the computer.

Count Macula Jr. himself began to change again. His gray hair now was silver, so he was a silver bear. He also had bat wings and even sharper teeth. "Coooool!!!! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!" he shouted as his high-pitched Southern voice echoed in the castle.

"WOW!!! This kitchen looks incredible!!!" Lindsay, my brunette friend with large brown eyes, shouted as she poked her head in the kitchen door. "I didn't know Colonel Mac lived in a gothic castle! Wow!!!." She was wearing a royal red princess gown. She was now Princess Lindsay Carrington from Savannah, GA. Her husband was Prince Carrington from London.

Count Macula, Jr. skipped over to her and stared at her. "Dear Princess, my name is no longer Colonel Mac," he said.

Princess Lindsay Carrington stared at the silver cub before her. "Excuse me. I was addressing Colonel Mac. I know not of whom thou art," she spoke as she chewed on a nacho.

"I am Count Macula, Jr! I have become a silver cub due to Count Macrula granting me vampiric powers. I am a vambear," the silver cub said as he looked directly at Princess Lindsay Carrington.

"So you're telling me that you were formerly known as Colonel Mac and that you are now Count Macula, Jr.?" Princess Lindsay Carrington asked.

"Yes," Count Macula, Jr. said. "Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!"

"So much can happen in a grocery shopping trip!" Princess Lindsay Carrington said dramatically.

Patches, Princess Lindsay Carrington's cat, walked in the kitchen and meowed loudly. She shook the whole fucking castle.

"JEE WHIZ!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Count Macula, Jr. shouted like Tyler1 as he skipped in the kitchen. He had a widow's peak and intense brown eyes. Needless to say, he had a set of lungs on him.

"Are you Count Colonel Mac?" Patches asked.

"NO!" Count Macula, Jr. shouted.

Joebear, Colonel America's spirit, Count Macrula, Mr. Williamson, Princess Lindsay Carrington, Kendrick, Pauno, and Peter's therapist, the cast of PeeWee Herman, and I started cooking the vegan taco mac.

We are sorry we had to interrupt Count Macula, Jr.'s shouting rant, but if we plan to eat today, we have to get started.

"No! No! No! No! No!... No!" Count Macula, Jr. shouted. "I have no affiliation with the military, nor do I want to. I don't believe in murder. I'm a passive bear, although because my fur is now silver," he said before he took a deep breath. "MY LUNGS ARE STRONGER THAN EVER!!!"

"EAR RAPE!!!" Tyler1 yelled as he covered his ears. "He is louder than me."

Colonel America's spirit wavered in the air. "I have returned to fill an important role in this story. I am the logic in this otherwise completely illogical nonsensical saga," he announced as he began to boil the canned beans.

"Not to mention the Colonel role," Count Macrula stated as-a-matter-of-factly as he was washing the spinach.

"Where are the avocados?" Mr. Williamson asked. "We're supposed to have guacamole with vegan Taco mac."

"Says whhoooooooo??? Yiiiickkkkk!!!" Count Macula, Jr. said.

"Agreed. Fuck avocados. Worst fruit ever. Should be abolished," I said.

"Disagreed. The only thing worse than an avocado is a lima bean," Count Macrula said. He shuddered. "The horror!"

A random bear jumped in the kitchen and said, "I brought lima beans for the vegan taco mac with Count Macrula-"

Count Macrula screamed and used red eye rays to disintregrate that poor bear and the lima beans.

I continued to chop up peppers and onions.

"So are you not even allowed to bring lima beans in the kitchen?" Reba the Mail Lady asked.

Count Macrula shot his death rays at Reba the Mail Lady and disintregrated her.

Princess Lindsay Carrington started rinsing the rice for the rice cooker. "That answers our question. Can we even mention Lima-"

Count Macrula was shooting the death rays in her direction.

"Lima, Peru! It's one of my favorite cities to visit. I say!" Princess Lindsay Carrington said as she was dramatically trying to catch her breath.

Count Macrula then smiled widely and said, "Why yes! That is one of my favorite cities! You can mention that all you like!" he said as he washing the lettuce.

"Did you know avocados are good?!" Peter shouted as he poked his head in the kitchen.

I threw the knife I was using to chop up peppers and onions at Peter's head.

Peter left and started laughing.

"Wow baebae!" Joebear said as he put the macaroni in the boiling water. He set the timer for 10 minutes.

"No avocados for me! I didn't buy any!" I said as I growled and continued to chop peppers and onions.

PeeWee Herman picked up the knife, did his typical laugh, and did a goofy walk in the kitchen. He washed the knife before chopping up the tomatillos.

Miss Oreo meowed.

Pauno then walked in the kitchen. "For people who like guacamole or tacos while they wait, I shall make them rain from the sky!" he announced.

"Thank you," Mr. Williamson said.

Pauno then walked to the living room and threw his hands in the air. Lightning came out of them as he brought down guacamole, Mexican salsa, nacho chips, and many napkins. Everyone in the living room cheered.

Mexican salsa music started playing in the background.

That, of course, was when Count Macrula's phone began to ring. "WHAT IS IT?!" he shouted as he was in the middle of chopping tomatoes at lightning speed.

"THE IT OFFICE IS ON FIRE!" an equally loud woman shouted over the phone.

Count Macrula then started laughing as his ass off as he threw his head back. I could tell he was sick of working.

"I CAN'T QUENCH THESE FUCKING FLAMES. I ALREADY PEED DURING MY LUNCH BREAK! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK TODAY!" the loud woman shouted.

"Not that I'm aware of," Count Macrula said as he raised his eyebrow and chopped the cilantro. "Morpheus, put this cilantro in the pico de gallo!"

"Aparently you will today. All of Gwinnett County is on fire, and we are short staffed!" the loud woman said with a sigh.

Count Macrula sighed. "Yes. Let me wash my hands and put a Dracula mask on. I'll be right over!" he said.

"Halloween's over, you asshole!" the loud woman shouted.

Count Macrula hung up and then screamed. The vegan Taco Mac was done in a jiffy as a result. He moved time forward by an hour. Then he returned to normal. "Duty calls," he said as he then flew out of the castle and had the face of Count Dracula.

"What if I told you that you forgot to consider those of us with high blood pressure?" Morpheus asked as he was preparing the pico de gallo.

Literally everyone stared at him. Count Macrula's face appeared on the wall and just stared at him. He was trying to shoot death lasers at Morpheus, but his physical body was trying to fly back to the office.

"How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story? How many dietary restrictions are we going to have in this fucking story?" Count Macula, Jr. asked.

"Eight," Peter answered. "No meat. No other animal products. Low sodium. Low gluten. Low sugar. Real ingredients. No added hormones. And... limited advocado?"

"NO LIMA BEANS!" Count Macrula shouted as his eyes had fire as pupils. He was the mirror on the kitchen wall.

"Would that make it nine dietary restrictions?" Pauno asked as he brought down low sodium chips, low sodium salsa, low sodium guacamole, and taco shells with no salt added.

"Yes!" Count Macrula shouted. The vibrations of his voice knocked down a bowl of guacomole.

"Goddammit!" Pauno said as he used more energy to create a table that only had bowls of chips and bowls of guacomole on it.

Paul the Goat bleated. "I'm at a party, JENNA!!! You have a trust fund.

... You can go to parties. Why is it my fault the Bank of the Ozarks Credit Card isn't paid off?!.... And? It's under your name!" he shouted as his blue eyes were bugged out of his head. He bleated for five minutes straight.

Peter couldn't help but laugh. "That's why I ain't EVER getting married," he commented.

"My marriage is fucked up sometimes, too," Joebear said. He was mixing all of the ingredients of Vegan Taco Mac together.

"Yes, you act ridiculous, too, Boo," I said.

"Pssh! Yeah, okay! You're the one who almost added black beans to the Taco Mac last time and thought about forcing me to eat that shit!" Joebear said with a growl.

"Baby, I add all the ingredients together-" I said.

Joebear interrupted me with a growl. "No!"

"I say! May I please have an extra side of black beans?" Prince Oliver, Werewolf of London asked. He was a great prince who I served on Sunday afternoons.

"Yes, you may!" Princess Lindsay Carrington said as she served him a side dish of black beans.

"Thank you, kind woman," he said as he started to eat.

"You are welcome, kind sir," Princess Lindsay Carrington said.

"You know what we forgot?" PeeWee Herman asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Refried beans!" PeeWee Herman said.

The remaining cast of PeeWee Herman screamed in agony as they ran around the castle in terror.

"Oh God! Who cares? Refried beans look out something that came out of an asshole!" Joebear yelled. "Fuck it. I'm done. I'm traumatized. I'm playing a game of Paladins. Fuck this shit."

I cracked up as I made bowls of vegan Taco Mac for everyone.

"Just in case there are assholes who like refried beans," Pauno said before he brought refried beans from the heavens. "Low sodium, gluten free, dairy free, soy free, vegan, organic, made in Heaven, and produced in Greece."

Paul the Goat bleated as he hung up his phone before adding refried beans to his vegan Taco Mac.

Count Macula, Jr.'s face ended up on eight walls of the castle. One of his faces ended up right next to the picture of the long lost cousin's sister's brother's former college roommate, whom he mentioned was absolutely nobody to him back in Swamp Ass With Bears. Count Macula, Jr. spoke in stereo. "WHY ARE THERE REFRIED BEANS IN MY CASTLE?"

"Because they are a Mexican food," Pauno said. "They're there."

"I will allow it this time, but never again," Count Macula, Jr. said in stereo. "I will allow it this time, but never again. I will allow it this time, but never again. I will allow it this time, but never again. I will allow it this time, but never again. I will allow it this time, but never again. I will allow it this time, but never again. I will allow it this time, but never again."

Count Macula, Jr. repeated himself 64 times. How obnoxious! Eight Count Macula, Jrs. saying the same thing eight times equals 64 times.

The computer Joebear was sitting at caught on fire and exploded. "My frame feels fried. Time to go to bed," he said as he stared at the flames emerging from the computer.

I laughed. "I don't know what's going on. I haven't known what's going on all year. I have been writing the same story 64 times, and I'm still not done with it. This is so stupid," I said with a laugh.

"It sounds like you need a raid therapist," Joebear said as he watched the World of Warcraft unfold in Count Macula, Jr.'s castle.

"Fuck you. I don't exist this week," Count Macrula said as his face left the wall.

Pauno laughed. "Does anyone actually give a shit about refried beans right now?" he asked.

Before the rest of us screamed, Count Macula, Jr. screamed "Yes!" 64 times.

We heard a bunch of random angry gamers on Cutie Pie's stream shouting swear words at the Giant Count Macula, Jr. raid boss. Count Macrula, Jr. grew to be 30 foot tall. The fuck did we put in the vegan Taco Mac?

"Are we getting on VR?" Cutie Pie asked.

"YES!" Tyler1 shouted. "It's for alcoholics and losers!"

"I'M A LOSER!" Peter screamed angrily as he got off the couch he was on.

The screen turned black.

"I'm unzipping my pants!" Cutie Pie said.

Angry gamers were just chattering like hell. The remaining cast of PeeWee Herman screamed and talked about random shit.

"I'm horny! Hah Hah!" PeeWee Herman said.

"How do I join your world?" Cutie Pie asked.

A technicolor screen from the 60s just appeared in Count Macula, Jr.'s castle.

"What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on?" Count Macula, Jr. asked in stereo.

"I don't know what's happening right now. I'm not trying to guess," Joebear said. He made a noise that sounded like an air compressor.

I laughed so hard. "I can't breathe," I said.

"Do you have the Rona?" Pauno asked.

"MY HOUSE SUCKS!!!!" an angry gamer shouted before he neighed.

"No. I'm laughing hysterically," I said. "It gets to be too much." I belly-laughed.

"I'm BIGGGGGG!!! Just too big!!!!" Joebear said as he rolled on the floor and did a cute growl.

A bunch of gamers laughed their asses off. They were drunk already. Princess Lindsay Carrington, Prince Carrington, and Prince Oliver, Werewolf of London were drinking heavily to deal with the stress of this castle.

Ted the Alligator and Jack the Crocodile burst through the castle doors and growled. They then went to eat bowls of vegan Taco Mac. Then they drank a few bottles of Jameson.

Cutie Pie materialized and laughed with Ted the Alligator and Jack the Crocodile.

A snowman fell out of the sky and started laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor. Then he fucking melted.

"What the fuck?" Cutie Pie asked. "Jameson actually tastes like ass."

Prince Carrington laughed SLIGHTLY too loudly. So did Peter.

Bruce Dwillinger, a youtube King James Bible preacher, descended from the Heavens and said, "Hey! You're all losers!"

Kissy walked around the castle. Garfield danced to some party music. Joebear announced. "This is ridiculous. Not gonna lie. Here we go... Dawgs..."

DarthSydePhineas then dropped these beats: https://youtu.be/RIWWEpx-PiQ

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ultra-blu-eagle-eyes · 5 years ago

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Ozark Big-eared Bat - USFWS:

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OR AS FAT/ HAPPY AS THE FERAL HOGS RAMPAGING THE SOUTH!

Feral Swine-Managing an Invasive Species - USDA APHIS

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kansascityhappenings · 6 years ago

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Natural events to take place in Missouri this August

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Step away from the office and go outside this August. This helps renew the mind and inspires creativity. Late summer provides a great deal of activity for wildlife, plants, and even space. This August you’ll need to be on the lookout for young skunks in the fields, turtles slowly crossing roads, and snakes hidden on trails.

The annual late-summer songs of the cicadas have already picked up at night in Kansas City. Expect to see squirrels in your neighborhood; they’ll gorge on food to puff up for winter. Deer will rub their antlers on trees to remove materials they no longer need and then they’ll lose their antlers in the colder months.

Also, certain plants fall prey to summer temperatures and pests and need extra attention. Berries will ripen and wild black cherries make for a sour ingredient for rum, jam, or syrup.

Read below to learn more about the schedules of animals, plants, and events in the sky coming up this month.

Snapping turtle eggs | Wikipedia

Time of Year to See Baby Turtles

Snapping turtle eggs begin hatching this month. The common snapping turtle lives in habitats throughout Missouri. The turtles live anywhere near permanent water bodies such as farm ponds, marshes, swamps, sluices, and rivers. This reptile rarely causes damage to humans, but the snappers occasionally swallow up small ducks and goslings. They also enjoy chomping down insects, crayfish, snakes, and worms. Snapping turtles eating habits help keep aquatic animal populations in check.

Hatchlings emerge from their soft shells 55 to 125 days after the mama snapping turtle lays her eggs. Incubation lasts about 75 to 95 days, and hatchlings emerge between August and October. Sometimes they don’t emerge from their eggs until the following spring. Baby snapping turtles are only about an inch long when they crack through their shells.

The snapping turtle has a big pointed head, a long thick tail, and a small lower shell. These turtles have tan, brown, or somewhat black shells. They have strong jaws and long necks. If you need to move a large snapper – call a wildlife professional first. It’s not easy to handle these little dudes. Their bite can live behind a memorable scar or worse.

The alligator snapping turtle is a protected species. It only occurs in the state in small numbers. Hunters are not allowed to shoot or trap these turtles under Missouri law. The Missouri Department of Conservation urges hunters to identify common snapping turtles correctly before taking control action. The rare turtle’s upper shell has three prominent ridges, one along the center line and one on either side.

Drive slow if you see adult sized turtles or hatchlings this time of year. It takes several years for turtles to reach sexual maturity, making it challenging for snapping turtles to reproduce and survive.

The Annual Serenades of the Cicadas

At night when trying to go to sleep, you may have noticed the distinct, raspy calls of the cicadas. The bugs usually start their choir rehearsals during the hottest days of summer. Both female and male cicadas have membranous structures to detect sounds, but only males produce those distinctive calls. The winged insects have a variety of songs: for courtship, distress, calling songs, and songs to set up boundaries. Male cicadas can produce very loud calls that can damage human hearing.

You can find the insects in forests, wilderness, parks, and brush. For a fishing trip, cicadas make for excellent fishing bait.

The largest Missouri brood of cicadas is expected to come to Missouri in 2024. The last time this happened was in 2015. Cicadas have a life cycle average of two to five years.

Thirteen Lined ground squirrel | Wikipedia

Thirteen-Lined and Franklin’s Ground Squirrels Enter Gorge Fest Season

Time to fatten up for the colder months. Squirrels will appear in large numbers in neighborhoods and forests to scrounge for tasty treats. They forage for both plant and animals foods, including grains, cicadas, crickets, and grasshoppers. They eat until their body weight doubles with stored fat.

The Thirteen-Lined ground squirrel hangs out mostly in northwest Missouri; the species also lives throughout central United States. Franklin’s ground squirrels live in a smaller region. They also live in northwest Missouri. The animal lives north of our region and in northern Kansas.

Thirteen-Lined squirrels only appear above ground for about 3-4 months out of the year. Spring is mating season. The young are born in May. The young nest for about 5 to 6 weeks after birth, then they venture out of their home burrows to start their adult careers.

The squirrels will enter their nests in October. The rodent goes from the hyper-caffeinated creatures we see in the spring and summer months to a slower-than-sloth hibernator. During winter, squirrels breathe about every five minutes and have about 5 heartbeats every minute. They roll into stiff balls to assume their hibernation position.

Eastern Copperhead Newborns Emerge

Watch your step outside. Eastern copperhead females give birth to their babies in August. Enjoy watching the slithery critters from a safe distance. Copperhead venom is mild compared to other venoms, but anyone who ends up with a snake bite needs to seek medical attention immediately. The odds of dying from a snake bite are low as long as people go to a doctor.

Missouri has two subspecies of eastern copperhead: the Osage copperhead, found in the northern two-thirds of the state; and the southern copperhead found in the southern third.

These snakes have a healthy diet of mice, lizards, frogs, small birds, and insects. Young copperheads use their yellow tail to attract small frogs, toads, and lizards into their mouths.

The snake is pretty common to the state, so it’s possible that if you’re out in the wild you’ll come face to face with a copperhead. All snakes native to Missouri have laws that protect them.

Copperheads bask on warm sunny days; they especially like morning sunlight. In the hottest months, they become nocturnal avoiding the sauna like conditions. In fall, they congregate at south-facing rocky ledges.

Kingsnakes are immune to copperhead venom and will eat them.

Skunks Ready to Party Like Its 1999

Smell something strange? In August, young striped skunks ready to show off their fur will head out into the open. At birth young skunks appear naked looking. They possess the beginning of the adult’s black and white markings. As it gets colder, skunks spend more time in dens. When it’s near freezing, skunks go into a drowsy mode, and they sleep randomly… but they do not truly hibernate like squirrels.

The cat-sized mammal prefers to live along forests, in brush field corners, along fencerows, and open grassy fields broken by wooded ravines and rocky outcrops. The skunk has several real estate options for dens including: stumps, caves, rock piles, cliff crevices, farming sheds, wood piles, and haystacks.

The disagreeable musk they wear protects them from intruders. They can aim their weaponized-tail and spray it at will. Prior to blasting off the stench, skunks warn intruders by stamping their feet and holding their tail high in the air.

Skunks travel all around Missouri. They are least likely to be found in the Bootheel where there isn’t enough high land for dens.

White Tailed Deer | Wikipedia

White-Tailed Deer Rub off their Velvet

Time to rub the velvet off the antlers. Male white-tailed deer will head into the woods to rub off the material.

Small buds form on the buck’s ears around April or May. As the antlers develop, a nourishing coat of blood vessels, skin, and short hair known as velvet covers and protects them. This material supplies nutrients and minerals to grow and strengthen bone.

The antlers reach full size in late August or September. The buck ritualistically rubs his antlers against trees to get the left over velvet off. This leaves the deer with clean, shiny bone antlers. The antlers loosen and come off during winter, which coincides with the end of mating season.

Rabbits and mice will gnaw on the fallen antlers to absorb the minerals contained in the bones. Age, nutrition, and genetics determine the size of the antlers. Check out the Wonders of Wildlife National Museum & Aquarium in Springfield to see a large collection of antlers with detailed explanations on how the antlers formed along with rare finds. The resident Boone and Crockett Heads and Horns exhibit details the ways in which record-setting game animals came out of conservation and wildlife management systems.

Badger | Wikipedia

Badger, Badger, Badger

August is the season of love… for badgers. Badgers are not super common in Missouri, but they hang out throughout the state. They live primarily in the Central Dissected Till Plains in northern Missouri. They also have a thing for the Osage Plains in western Missouri. They also build homes near the Missouri River. They don’t like living in the Ozarks.

Badgers eat up mice, squirrels, lizards, snakes, birds, and turtles. An extensive poisoning campaign for burrowing rodents reduced the food supply for hungry badgers, which is one reason why their numbers have dwindled. Despite this, their conservation status is of least concern.

Badgers also enjoy munching on mushrooms. They eat different varieties of Funghi, as well as pig-nut tubers and insects — like dung and bark beetles.

They dig up series of dens across their home range. Badgers party at night and hit the snooze button in the daytime. During the winter, they occasionally leave their burrows unprotected to hunt for grub. They dig impressively fast to capture their prey. Badgers can move up to 15 miles per hour. They also are ferocious swimmers. They mate in late summer and give birth in early spring. The young stay with their mothers through the summer months.

Bats Take Flight for the First Time

Baby bats will soon take to the bat signal. They’ll learn to fly this month. You might spot them at dusk as they hunt for insects.

Eight of our 14 types of bats are Missouri Species of Conservation Concern, ranging from vulnerable in the state, to globally endangered, to extinction. Bats struggle to survive as they lose habitat territory, deal with cave disturbances, and die from pesticides. Another problem for bats: wind turbines. Wind powered energy unfortunately kills bats and birds. White-nose syndrome is also creating problems. The fungus likely came over to North America from Eurasia. The fungus infects the skin of cave-dwelling bats, disrupting hibernation and ending in death. The first fully developed case of white-nose syndrome was confirmed in Missouri in March 2012.

The bats usually mate in late summer or fall. During a cold winter in Missouri, some bat species may hibernate.

Bats are one of the few animals to regularly move in and out of caves. After eating insects outside their caves, they fly back and excrete organic nutrients into the cave ecosystem.

Shorebirds Migrate South

Shorebirds start traveling south in August. Many follow a path called a flyway. Some birds may travel a long distance each season. Shorebirds in Missouri include: American white pelicans, American woodcocks, lesser yellowlegs, and upland sandpipers.

The white pelicans fly with their heads back on their body, not with their necks extended. They hang out in western Missouri. The woodcocks live in open forests, they prefer young woodlands near water, moist pastures, and forested floodplains. Lesser yellowlegs have bright-colored feet. The females tend to leave their chicks early, leaving the male birds to defend the young before they’re ready for flight. The upland sandpipers spend their summers mostly in the United States and Canada. They pass through Missouri on their way to South America during the winter months.

Purple martins will group together this month to fly to their preferred South American resorts away from home.

Wild Cherries Ripen

The wild black cherry, or rum cherry, makes for an excellent additive to rum or crushes down into a delicious red jelly. The fruit is found in the woods along streams. It has leaves with rounded teeth, fruit in grape-like bunches, and turns dark when ripe. Nature lovers will find the cherries statewide. The cherries turn from white or greenish to red before reaching the dark purple or black hue. The cherries are about the size of a pea and are rather sour to eat raw.

A mature black cherry tree is easily identifiable in a forest. The tree has broken, dark grey to black bark. It looks like burnt cornflakes. During the first decade of the tree’s life the bark will appear thin, smooth, and banded, resembling a birch tree.

The seeds of black cherries, apricots, and apples contain cyanogenic glycosides. Those compounds under the right circumstances convert into cyanide. The flesh of cherries also has these compounds, but it does not contain the enzymes needed to produce cyanide, so the flesh is safe to eat.

A fallen cherry tree with wilted leaves needs to be cleared up so animals don’t eat the leaves and get poisoned. Black cherry is a leading cause of livestock illness, and grazing animals access to it should be limited.

Fruits, Vegetables, Flowers

For gardeners and farmers, taking care of certain activities this month will ascertain you have the best flowers, fruit, and vegetables.

Here are some tips to follow for gardeners:

Protect ripening fruit from birds by covering plants with netting.

Spray ripening fruits and roses to prevent brown rot fungus.

Roses do not need anymore nitrogen fertilizer after August 15th.

Thornless blackberries, red raspberries, sumac fruits, hawthorn fruit, wild grapes, and elderberries ripen now.

Cultivate strawberries. If using weed prevention, apply it immediately after fertilizing.

Spray peaches to protect against peach tree borers.

Sow seeds of beans, beets, spinach, and turnips now for the fall garden.

Cure onions in a warm, dry place for 2 weeks before storing.

Set out broccoli, cabbage, and cauliflower transplants for the fall garden.

Plant lettuce and radishes now.

Feed mums, asters, and other fall-blooming perennials for the last time.

Do not be alarmed if lilacs have powdery mildew. It causes no harm. Common rose fungicides will work on it.

Divide and replant madonnas, bearded irises, lilies, bleeding hearts, and bloodroots.

Prune to shape hedges for the last time this season.

Order bulbs for fall planting.

August Pests & Problems

Fescue lawns struggle to stay in shape this time of year. Dead spots result from disease and summer heat. Patches need to be reseeded to overcome this. The Missouri Botanical Garden website suggests reseeding between September 1 and mid-October. If this also involves killing existing grass, start killing these areas in mid-August with glyphosate. Read herbicide labels closely for instructions and caution.

Tomatoes Struggle in August

Tomatoes decide to go haywire in late summer. Blossom-end rot is exceptionally common. As well as septoria leaf spot, fusarium wilt, late blight, stink bug, and spider mite damage. Some tomatoes will crack from water fluctuations or get invaded with bacteria. Tomatoes also get harmed by too much sun exposure. And hornworms will feed on the fruit. Place cages around tomato plants to shield them from hungry animals. Read up on tomato strategies ahead of time to protect the crops.

Another tip for tomato care: raised beds that are 18 inches high or higher are difficult for rabbits and other smaller animals to enter. It is also a good idea to have 6 inches or more of wood planks below the soil level. This prevents small animals from burrowing underneath the raised beds.

Plants Need Extra Water and Attention

Scorch is a common problem in hot, dry weather. Make sure to regularly water plants during droughts. Stressed plants are more susceptible to attack by insects and disease. Many plants will wilt or turn yellow without enough water.

Star trails captured during the Perseids Meteor Shower, Aug. 12, 2014 (Credit: Paul Tashlykov)

Perseids Meteor Shower

Keep your eyes on the sky. The Perseids meteor shower is visible starting in mid-July each year, with the peak activity between August 9-14. During the peak, viewers could see as many as 60 meteors at once. The Perseids associate with the comet Swift-Tuttle. The meteors are called the Perseids because they show up in the constellation Perseus.

Some Catholics refer to the Perseids as the “tears of Saint Lawrence.” The saint was burned alive on a gridiron on August 10. The canonical date of the saint’s martyrdom is 258 AD. The story goes that the shooting stars are sparks of fire and that during the night of August 9-10 — its cooled embers appear in the ground under plants, which are known as the “coal of Saint Lawrence.”

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/08/01/natural-events-to-take-place-in-missouri-this-august/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/08/01/natural-events-to-take-place-in-missouri-this-august/

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allineednow · 8 years ago

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<p>Louisiana could be Crucial to bat survival of fungus that is white-nose</p>

BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) - As Halloween approaches, it's the bats who should be scared.

Louisiana could hold the key, although A disease has ravaged populations across the eastern half of North America.

Bats - of the order Chiroptera, meaning "winged hands" - may conjure images of blood-sucking vampires, but the local varieties are thinking about eating only insects, making them critical to their human neighbors.

"The fewer bats we have, the more (pesticide) compounds go on our crop foods. . (Bats) contribute billions in ecosystem services to the agriculture industry," says Louisiana Fisheries and Wildlife zoologist Beau Gregory.

The plague on nerves is a disorder known as nose syndrome. It's brought on Pd for short, or by the fungus Pseudogymnoascus destructans. Where Pd is present nose that is white contracts once they come into contact with another bat or surface. It is especially dangerous for hibernating bats while they're dormant, because their immune system is suppressed.

As its name suggests, the syndrome causes white fungus to grow on sections of bats' bodies, including wings and their noses. Those areas can develop lesions that are infected.

Yet the larger problem is that the disease wakes up hibernating bats when they should be conserving their energy, says Texas Tech biology professor Richard Stevens.

"They're on a fairly tight energy balance . And they just run out of energy and die," he said.

The warm climate and lack of rock caves of Louisiana is giving scientists hope that species which are currently dying out elsewhere could shelter.

The state climate means insects are active year-round, so bats do not have to hibernate. Pd has an unusual preference for cooler temperatures.

Without rock caves, permit the transmission of disease and concentrate bat populations elsewhere, Louisiana bats are more likely to roost in trees and sites that are smaller, preventing Pd breakout.

White nose is believed to have originated in New York state around 2006, probably brought on by a human traveler introducing Pd from Europe. In the years since, the fungus has raced up and down the Appalachian Mountains and spread around the Great Lakes and the Ozarks.

More than 90 percent of people have died, when nose breaks out in a bat populationFish and Wildlife officials wrote in a June statement. At that time, they were announcing that the disease had penetrated into Alabama. Bats were found by researchers within the Lake Purdy Corkscrew Cave outside Birmingham. For the first time, the bat species had fallen sick.

As many species range widely throughout North America, the bat is more particular, limiting itself to the Gulf and southern Atlantic coasts and the lower portions of the Mississippi and Ohio river basins.

"We are disappointed to discover white-nose syndrome in a different species, but hopeful that the southeastern bat may fare better than most of its more northern cousins based on how long it took to be diagnosed with the disease," Jeremy Coleman, the nationwide white nose coordinator for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, said in a written statement.

Louisiana is home according to the state Department of Wildlife and Fisheries. Four of those varieties - the large brown batbat, bat and bat - have contracted nose, though none of the cases were reported in Louisiana.

However, the state is surrounded by outbreaks of Pd. White nose is already widespread in Arkansas, and the fungus that causes it has been discovered by scientists, though the disease has not yet been validated in Mississippi or Texas.

"We have been vigilant in doing surveillance projects," such as swabbing bridges and culverts in northeast Louisiana where bats like to live, said Gregory, the nation zoologist.

Leslie Lattimore, director of the Wings of Hope wildlife refuge in Livingston, said her organization works with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the nation to test nerves for illness, such as white nose and rabies. The disease is alarming because of the transmission; Lattimore claims the status seems to change daily.

"It travels so very, extremely fast," she said.

Some species may go extinct, Stevens predicts. The northern long-eared bat, which has has already been classified as a threatened species because of the nose epidemic. Alabama officials have said the bats - that also reside in Louisiana - are disappearing from their state.

Those have not proven very effective, although by using agents to kill Pd humans have tried to intervene. The best thing people can do is wash their clothes and gear before entering a bat habitat like a cave to prevent spores from spreading, the experts say.

"I imagine this is just going to play out naturally," Stevens says.

What he means is that the bats will perish, leaving the people resistant to nose that can pass that hardiness on to their offspring. European bats appear immune to the syndrome, evidence that those species have already weathered their outbreak.

Those shifts could take hundreds - if not thousands - of years to play out. Until then, a hope is that Louisiana could be a reservoir without going extinct where species could hide out.

An ecological niche fills. The world's only flying mammals can consume a whopping 85 percent of their body weight Stevens says. The varieties across Louisiana are insectivorous when some bats eat fruit or even blood everywhere in the world.

In 1 study, 150 big brown bats could scarf down 1.3 million bugs in a year, Stevens says. While some, such as the bat, are picky some species concentrate on beetles or moths. Texans have shown that bats are particularly valuable in controlling bollworms and other pests that eat their corn and cotton, but they're important to all kinds of crops.

In fact, the federal government has quantified just how important bats are to the U.S. economy: $74 per acre for the average farmer.

"Insect-eating bats keep agricultural insect populations down, saving farmers at least $3.7 billion per year in lost crop revenue and preventing the need for spraying expensive toxic compounds," the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced in July as it distributed money for states to study white nose.

Louisiana claimed $24,500, to be used this winter, to survey bat ecosystems.

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oselatra · 8 years ago

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48 hours in Bentonville

The art capital of Arkansas.

48 HOURS

The Art Capital of Arkansas.

BentonVillE

Bentonville is the 10th-largest city in Arkansas, but No. 1 in the number of significant American paintings, thanks to Alice Walton's Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art. It is also known as the headquarters of the company Alice Walton's father founded, Walmart. Before the Waltons became the best-known folks in town, there was Thomas Hart Benton, who was from Missouri but supported Arkansas statehood and was thus awarded with the town's name. He was an artist, too. So Bentonville's art cred goes way back. It will go way forward, too, when Walton's nephews open a new haven of the arts, 21st century style, with the Momentary, a multi-use arts space in what used to be a Kraft Cheese factory.

Rather ride a bike than look at art? There are 20 miles of bike trails, both for those who like to glide along and those on mountain bikes who dare to attack the Slaughter Pen Hollow's jumps.

It's not your grandparents' Bentonville.

Day 1

Drop off your bags (and check in later)

Art lovers will choose 21c Museum Hotel, at 200 NE A St., on the northeast corner of the town square. Besides luxe accommodations, 21c's 12,000 square feet of gallery space exhibit contemporary art by nationally acclaimed artists. It also has a great bar and The Hive restaurant. You'll be joined by big green plastic penguins, 21c's trademark bit of whimsy, at various times.

Or, if breakfast with new friends is more your thing, there's the Victoria B and B at 306 N. Main St. No penguins here, but it's not fusty either: There are Jacuzzis and vaulted ceilings and baroque beds. French is spoken there, for an extra je ne sais quois. If you plan to spend two nights, check out Thrive Retreat, 401 SW A St.; your pet can come, too. If you want to do your own cooking, the B Side Loft, 412 SW B St., is a garage apartment. All are within walking distance of Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art, your next stop. (There are also numerous major chain hotels, including the affordable and recently redone DoubleTree Suites by Hilton at 301 SE Walton Blvd.)

Head to Crystal Bridges and lunch

The walk to Crystal Bridges from the square is only about 10 minutes along a paved trail through beautiful woods. You'll be ready for lunch when you get there, so head to Eleven, named for the opening date of the museum (11/11/11). On a scale of 1 to 10, it's also an 11, thanks to a menu inspired by American comfort food (shrimp and grits, beans and greens, braised short ribs). The setting, on a glass-walled bridge, with a view of the museum and its ponds, beautiful light, with a Jeff Koons glass heart overhead, is both welcoming and chic. After lunch, it's time for a tour.

The Alice Walton-conceived and financed museum, tucked into a 100-acre ravine of Ozark hardwoods and landscaped to a fare-thee-well with native plants and sculpture, makes looking at art feel like getting a hug — even if that embrace is from Lynda Benglis' metal lumps or Claes Oldenburg's brain-like melting alphabet. The collection, indoors and out, is first-rate, from early masterpieces by Asher Durand, to the mid-century marvel the Fly's Eye Dome by Buckminster Fuller, to Nari Ward's shoelace installation "We the People" (2015). The Crystal Bridges trail, which pulses with the flow of families on foot and the fleet on two wheels, is one way to enter; you can also drive to the west entrance and descend to the museum, where Louise Bourgeois' 30-foot-tall spider sculpture "Maman" watches over the courtyard.

Time for a drink

No matter where you're putting up for the night, the bar at 21c is the place to go for an aperitif. There is probably no label you can't get here, from Balvenie scotch to Bulleit bourbon and beers and wines from around the world. Lots of thought and booze go into the cocktails, like the Rosie the Riveter (rum, apple brandy, cocchi rosa aperitif and mint) and the Kentucky Daisy (bourbon, grapefruit, ginger, lime and orange blossom water). So you don't fall out, the bar offers cheese and charcuterie plates, hummus, hamburger, a wild mushroom ricotta, pimento cheese, etc.

Dinner time

The shortest trek to dinner would be from the 21c bar to the 21c restaurant, The Hive, where award-winning chef Matt McClure dishes up what Northwest Arkansas restaurateurs call "High South" cuisine. Up for dry-aged beef tartare? Pumpkin pureed with apricots? Smoked pork belly? Make a beeline for the Hive. True to form, 21c has extended art to the dining room, which has been given a beehive treatment, complete with giant insects, by Canadian artist Johnston Foster.

Day 2

Eat again!

In good weather, check out Crepes Paulette, which serves sweet and savory crepes from its French-flag blue, white and red food truck near the entrance to the Crystal Bridges trail. Or check out Crepes Paulette's sitdown restaurant with crepes, soups, fancy cold drinks and beer and wine. 213 NE A St. (food truck) and 100 SW Eighth St. (restaurant).

Brought your kids? You're in luck.

Do your children like chocolate? Then head for the arts and science interactive Scott Family Amazeum, 1009 Museum Way (the road to Crystal Bridges' western entrance), where children experiment with the food of the gods in the Hershey's Lab. They can also tinker, climb in a canopy over the exhibit areas, visit a homestead cabin, control a giant SpongeBob puppet ... . They can even learn about the karst topography of the Ozarks, with the Amazeum's cave, complete with the sound of dripping water, cavefish and bats.

Brought bikes instead of kids?

Like virtually every other new development in Bentonville, the Walton family is behind this attraction: the biking and hiking trails that traverse the length of the town, 22 routes in all that circle Lake Bella Vista in the north to the Razorback Regional Greenway in the south that goes all the way to Fayetteville. There are trails for everyone from cruisers who like to just get from one spot to another to bruisers who tackle the Slaughter Pen Mountain Bike Trail.

Lunchtime!

Matt Cooper is a preacher's son, so it makes sense that he should be the executive chef at The Preacher's Son, 201 NW A St., an upscale venture of the Walton-led Ropeswing Hospitality Group. The restaurant is in a renovated church with windows designed by Fayetteville artist George Dombek; its menu includes gluten-free items that get an extra creative kick from gluten-intolerant Cooper. It's newly opened for lunch. Or head to the The Pressroom. A small venue with excellent coffee when it opened, it moved to a bigger edition a few years ago and now serves breakfast, lunch and dinner in chic digs at 100 NW Second St. Don't be surprised by the cucumber in your water.

Learn about how Sam Walton made his bundle

The Walmart Museum is set in the former Walton's 5 & 10 on the square. It tells of Sam Walton's rise from running a Ben Franklin store in Newport to opening his own store in 1950 in Bentonville. The rest is history — told with photographs, documents, a recreation of Walton's office, the old red truck he was famous for driving and hauling Old Roy in, a gift shop and a soda fountain.

Splash with kids

In summer, Lawrence Park Plaza (conveniently located across from the downtown entrance to the Crystal Bridges Trail) is a splash park, with jets of water spouting up to cool your sweaty tykes. In winter, it's an ice rink, where Southerners learn how to stand and move in skates the way Northerners do from the moment they begin walking.

See Native American artifacts

If you can put aside your qualms about how the grave goods in the Museum of Native American History, 202 SW O St., were acquired, you and your kids may enjoy a trip to this museum, which displays the private collection of a Bentonville resident along with items borrowed from the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville. Arrowheads, bows, clothing and ceramics from all parts of North America are on display.

Relax with a drink

Another place to have an adult beverage is back at The Preacher's Son, in the Undercroft Bar below the restaurant. An Undercroft Sazerac, made with Old Overholt rye whiskey, Peychaud's bitters and lemon peel in an absinthe-washed glass, adds a little touch of the Big Easy to Bentonville.

Then eat dinner

When Crystal Bridges was under construction, the coastal smarts hired to come to work on the museum heard a new restaurant was coming to town: Tuscan Trotter. That's what they heard, anyway. But what really opened was Tusk & Trotter American Brasserie, 110 SE A St., a name that nods to the Razorback scene in Northwest Arkansas. In a nod to the hog, pork rinds, pork belly, pork shanks and pig ear nachos number among the beef and chicken dishes. Nice bar scene here, and you can get bacon in your booze. Other locally owned places to land: There are many. Check out Table Mesa, 108 E. Central Ave., for Latin cuisine, Thai Kitchen, 707 SW A St., for ... Thai.

Before you leave town ...

Stop by Pink House Alchemy, 1010 SW A St., and pick up one or two or more of the simple syrups this local business creates to flavor your cocktail or nonalcoholic spritzers. Find Ginger Shrub, House Bitters, Grapefruit Bitters, Dark Cherry Grenadine, Mexican Chile Simple Syrup, Hazelnut, and, yes, Pumpkin Butternut Spice — they inspire lots of drink ideas, no? Pink House is only open weekdays, but holds special events on some Saturdays, so you might find them in. Find a schedule on Facebook, @PhAlchemyHandcraftedSimpleSyrups.

48 hours in Bentonville

#48 hours in Bentonville

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