#OTP: Words Unsaid

[demonsonthemoon]

A State or a Feeling

Fandom: Les Misérables Pairing: Jehan Prouvaire/Grantaire Word Count: 2155 Rating: Gen Summary: "I'm in love!" "And that's a good thing?" OR: Grantaire is so happy about his unrequited crush on Enjolras that he has to kiss Jehan about it. Notes: Happy meeting anniversary to my beloved friend @anastasiapullingteeth <3 Your friendship is a light in my life.

Read it on AO3.

Grantaire is giddy with it. Practically skipping as he walks home. Jehan would probably have given in to that instinct and cheerfully hopped down all the way back to their shared flat. He's a lot more comfortable in his skin that Grantaire is. He wouldn't care about people staring, wondering if maybe he's drunk, or high, instead of just this. Intoxicated and overjoyed by the simple act of loving.

Maybe Grantaire's a little drunk also, if he has to be entirely honest. But he's just walking, not skipping about, so it doesn't matter. It's not a problem. Right now, anyway.

There are many things in Grantaire's life that are a bit of a problem, but what is important is right now. And right now he's feeling giddy and happy, and he lets himself into his apartment, which always feels just a little bit like relief.

This is how Grantaire knows he's happy.

“Honey, I'm home!” He sing-songs, dropping his keys into a bowl in the hallway.

“In the kitchen,” Jehan shouts back. His voice is a little low, more rough-edged than usual.

Grantaire doesn't care about his lingering cold, though. He wraps his arms around the other man's waist and buries his smile into Jehan's neck, feeling like it might run away from him otherwise.

“Someone's in an amorous mood tonight,” Jehan says as Grantaire nuzzles under his skin. “You'll catch your death, you know.”

“What a beautiful way to go, though.”

“Well, you might have a deathwish, but I don't. And if you don't stop distracing me, this broccoli might just catch fire and take me with it into the afterlife.”

“The broccoli's already in the afterlife, you know.”

Jehan swats at him, then pokes his face with their wooden spoon until Grantaire relents and lets him go. “That is not the point and you know it,” Jehan adds, still threatening him with the spoon.

He quickly eases off though, relaxing and smiling. Grantaire can feel the same expression reflected on his face. “What's got you so happy?”

Grantaire can't resist. He swoops back in, lifts Jehan in his arms and twirls him around their kitchen. “I'm in love,” Grantaire says, grin growing bigger as Jehan starts to laugh.

“And that's a good thing?”

“Mmh-mmh.” Grantaire drops his flatmate back to the ground. Jehan turns around and switches off their gas hob. It fills Grantaire with a simple joy, because he knows that Jehan is truly listening to him. He is regularly shaken within his bones by the fact that someone can care about him so obviously, so easily, without making him feel inadequate. Grantaire stops to breathe, letting himself savor the feeling of his lungs being filled. It seems so easy, in this moment. What a precious thing. “I'm happy,” he whispers, like it's a secret.

Once again, he wonders at his luck, because Jehan knows to kiss him when he says that, tugging on Grantaire's hair slightly so that he bends down enough that Jehan can lick the joy from his lips.

“Tell me about it,” Jehan says, like a promise. Grantaire tugs him away from the kitchen, away from the broccoli. He's not hungry right now. He's filled to the core with euphoria.

He knows it's temporary, of course. It's just another high, like the ones he gets from drugs or from alcohol. But right now it's there, it's real, and that's all that matters. Being present in his body, and knowing that for once, he owes none of it to artificial substances.

“It's Enjolras,” Grantaire says as he settles on the tattered couch in their living room. Jehan settles down next to him, crossing his legs.

“Of course it is,” Jehan chuckles. “That's what I expected. Or, well, I guess there could have been a new recruit in Les Amis that caught your eye in a flash. After all, it happened to me.”

It's Grantaire's turn to reward Jehan with a kiss, a marker of the easy intimacy between them. It could so easily have turned out differently between them. Grantaire is very aware of how easily he could have been put off by Jehan's affection for him, if the other man hadn't been so good at respecting his boundaries. It's happened so many times before, that he felt a connection to someone, fell headfirst into adoration, before everything fizzled out once they started actually dating. It always felt uncomfortable, the cloying attention of someone being in love with him, the way that receprocation made a relationship change, stripped it of the playfulness that had made it interesting in the first place.

But here they are, he and Jehan. Living together, kissing each other, fucking each other when the mood strikes them. And yet it's not cloying. It's not laden with expectations and judgements.

It's not always easy. Hasn't always been easy. They've had to fight, for this. When they first got to know each other and the yearning felt so deep it threatened to consume them both, Grantaire had to push back against his own wants to try and protect what he truly needed. A friend. Foremost, front and center. A friend.

It's one of the hardest things he's ever done. It's definitely what he's the proudest of in his life.

Now he gets to have this. Like a reward. For once, Grantaire believes he deserves it.

“So, what did Enjolras do this time? Did he finally admit something nice about you?”

“Ah! We first need at least three signs of the Apocalypse before we can expect that. No, he called me a buffoon, I think. Hardly the insult he thinks it is. I do very much enjoy playing the entertainer.”

Jehan rolls his eyes at that. “Yeah, I think everyone in Les Amis has noticed that.”

“It's a great service I provide for them! I'm sure we would have lost half of our attendees if I didn't take it upon myself to make these meetings a little less rebarbative.”

“What you call rebarbative is known in some circles as efficient.”

“Psh.” Grantaire makes a gesture with his hand as if he's chasing a fly away. “We both know they like to talk in circle. If someone didn't push them towards a decision, they'd just spend all evening debating for the sake of it.”

“It's funny,” Jehan points out with a sly grin. “This almost makes it sound like you care about Les Amis achieving their goal.”

“You know I do,” Grantaire says, tone turning more somber. God, he hopes Jehan does, because if not... If not, there's been something going fundamentally wrong in this relationship, and Grantaire has only noticed. “I really do want you all to succeed, even if I don't-”

“I know. I know it's hard for you to believe that things can change, but it doesn't mean you don't think they should. I know that you care. The others know it too. They get mad at you for pushing, but they know it helps, that you're forcing them to think, forcing them to defend themselves, to step out of their comfort zone.” “Yeah. I mean, I also do it because it's fun to rile them up,” Grantaire adds, trying to salvage the situation before it devolves into The Sads Hour and he's forced to talk in excruciating details about his insecurities.

Jehan chuckles fondly. Grantaire feels seen. He's certain that his friend knows he diverted the conversation on purpose.

This is another thing that would scare him in any other person, but not in Jehan. Being known so intimately, being read for who he truly is and not just the lies he hides behind, it isn't an ordeal, when Jehan is the one doing the reading. Because, if his gaze his searching, it's never weakness that he's looking for. If he tries to pry Grantaire open, it's not to see what makes him tick, it's to be certain that Jehan will be able to put him back together again if the need arises.

“Fun. I've never been one to find shouting matches particularly appealing, but whatever does it for you. So, is that why you were in such a good mood? Because Enjolras called you an idiot and shouted at you?”

“A buffoon, he called me a buffoon. You of all people should know the importance of picking your words right.” Grantaire's smile turns a bit shy after that. “And yeah, that's pretty much what happened. It's just... remember how we had that entire conversation about how Enjolras doesn't actually hate me?”

That had been one of the times Grantaire had had to talk in excruciating details about his insecurities. It had been embarrassing, and painful for the both of them, but also absolutely necessary.

“He doesn't, by the way. Hate you.”

“I know. I know that now. Your arguments were very convincing. Also, I probably knew that all along. It's just that there's a big difference between knowing it intellectually and actually believing it, in your body. But we're not having that conversation again! Especially when I was trying to say that I do believe it now.”

Jehan raises an eyebrow at that, which is fair.

“I do! At least tonight. Because we were arguing, and he was calling me names, and then we got interrupted by one of the waitresses – you know the one that Joly and Bossuet both like? So obviously that took a while, and afterwards... The meeting just carried on. No barb. No cutting remarks. He could have said something to undermine me, like he used to do. But he didn't. It was like he didn't care. Except obviously he does, since we spent so long arguing right before that. But I just realised that... this is it.”

“It?”

Precious Jehan, trying to follow along even though Grantaire isn't making one bit of sense.

“Yeah. This is it. Enjolras and me. That stupid attraction I feel? This is where it's going, but not any further. He doesn't give a single fuck about it going any further, Jehan. It's amazing.”

Jehan laughs at that, and Grantaire soon joins him, giving in to the euphoria once more. It's a communicative kind of laughter, one that bursts out into small fits, dies down, then starts back up. They're laughing, because Grantaire has a hugely embarrassing and embarrassingly huge crush on someone and that someone couldn't care less about it. They're laughing because Grantaire is happy. They're laughing because Grantaire is unafraid, and that might taste even better than happiness.

And Grantaire loves the taste of things that are shared, he loves stealing fries from other people's plates, or the very last spoonful of dessert, or the first sip of an expensive fruity drink. And so he shares this taste with Jehan, kisses him once more, soothes some of the everpresent hunger in his gut even as the broccoli keeps getting cooler and cooler.

The kiss deepens this time, even as they keep getting interrupted by their own giggles. Jehan tangles his fingers in Grantaire's short curls, holding on and being held onto. He hasn't washed his hand, Grantaire thinks inanely. He doesn't try to move away, pushes into the grip instead. He hopes his hair smells like cooking oil after this. He hopes his entire body is marked by the easy intimacy of this life in close quarters, the way this shared space has become a freedom instead of a prison.

He can say these things here. He's free to want and not want at the same time, and he can be celebrated in his contradictions, in the way it makes him so much happier than those many times he so desperately tried to resolve himself.

He's wanted here, but in a quiet way. Not the all-devouring depths of his own feelings, those dark tendrils of yearning that threaten to drown him. Jehan's is a tamed love, one that is happy to fill the space it is granted to bursting, but never beyond. Always so careful to stop before the explosion.

Grantaire is all explosions all the time, but that's okay, because Enjolras won't give him any fuse to lit, and Jehan will force him to clean up his mess and put things back together.

It fills him up, this energy. This mixed euphoria, something new and something old, not standing in contradiction to each other, but creating a contrast still. Lifting each other up.

He's so lucky. It's the phrase he used, but he's not in love, not really. Not as a feeling. The crushing weight of attraction he feels for Enjolras isn't anything as mature as love. And what he has with Jehan isn't really a feeling. It's a state. He loves and he is loved.

It's like floating on a calm sea, being surrounded but mostly being carried. It's like knowing he's over shallow ground, can stand up if he needs to, but not needing to.

He's giddy with it.

[howifeltabouthim]

But he never would speak to her of love; nor,—as he felt quite sure,—would she allow him to do so.

Anthony Trollope, from Phineas Finn

[lemonshrimp666]

Okay I gotta say this. Shadow and Maria are one of my all time OTPs in such a literary classic way. The physically weak but strong minded and empathetic martyr with the physically strong yet dark tormented soul. There’s an inherent unsaid ‘romance’ to their dynamic that is heartbreakingly undeniable to the audience and not necessarily to the characters own thoughts. The martyr giving the polar opposite a motivation to cling to the goodness that was shown to be so powerful that it is then only to carry out their last wish—a hope. Despite the clash of their own nature. It’s a classic tragic epitaph. Anyone can view them in any capacity but limiting the complexity of their unique circumstances as only “sibling coded” is, yes, a viewpoint. But to me, that is a very one note and not accurate to how ambiguous and deep the connection really is. Anyone is free to limit or see it how they see it. It transcends the boundaries of what we have experienced. Reminding me of the term Anam Cara, a bond that is not so simple, meaning “soul bond”, that runs deeper than what we socially understand/can ever define or put into words. It’s strange, powerful, and devoted. Shadow is just an anomaly, he doesn’t see himself as himself in a mirror but struggles with what he was created from that run deep with the mystery of his physical appearance. He battles with this darkness but Maria is the only light penetrable to juxtapose himself and bring him back to himself in the now, as if he was and only created for her, to watch out for, to finally cure her, to be strong for, to learn more about himself from, to be outside his own darkness—it’s for her and because of her—and that’s a classic romantic tragedy. He will only ever and then, be devoted to her even in her absence—and the impact she made and the promise he wants to keep, sadly is also what will forever keep him alone and guarded. Shadow is haunted by this and that’s what makes it such a memorable story and a wonderfully complex character I’ve always returned my thoughts to over the years. Because Maria isn’t really ever gone in his mind and the choices now in any way he spares others— to live or think in new ways—is then only carrying on her legacy (not Black Doom’s) and the importance she has implanted in his heart—even without his recognition at times. Anyone can view their connection in any way they see fit. It’s meant to be that way. Anyone hating on an interpretation can kick rocks because they’re all valid interpretations. We can all agree they’re a timeless bond regardless of thinking about it deeper bc nobody’s asking you to do that. I do implore people to do that though. For your own storytelling and analysis skills, if you want. It’ll allow anyone to also see the various interpretations as a wonder and not a threat. Shadow and Maria are a great start to analyze character dynamics in a deeper way! Xoxo

[tsukiyo-7]

Why do you ship wincest?

Don't you ever stop and think maybe it's a little weird to ship two brothers?

Just curious tbh, I really don't get it

Hello there!

I'm just gonna assume this is in good faith because it's better for us both this way.

The why is more or less the same anyone else involved in shipping might give you about their otp or whatever ship they might enjoy; I'm besotted with their dynamic, their interections, the touches and lingering glances, the said AND unsaid. I genuinely don't have the time right now to launch myself in an essay about all the reasons why I think they're crazy for each other, in every sense of the word, nor I think it is exactly what you're looking for, but if you scroll down a little on my blog you will most likely find a comprehensive list of canon moments that might point you to the right direction, if you so feel inclined.

As for the second question. Honestly? No, I don't.

To me, it's literal another fictional thing I enjoy among the countless other. Like, I'm totally aware that from an outside point of view and a surface level it appears fucked up, because that's a kneejerk reaction to the things that make us uncomfortable and, I mean this in the most neutral and non-judgemental way possible, you have to develop a certain level of analisis and disposition to overcome it; just like to some it appears fucked up that I enjoy horror stories or idk, that I can quote all 4 Twilight movies by heart lol. Damn, to some it's fucked up that I even listen to metal, so really, how stressed should I be about what it looks like from the outside? ("It" being my whole scope of interests apparently, depending who you ask).

The whole issues boils down to the fact that it's all not real. I know it's not real, my homies know it's not real, the existence of the ship and me liking it doesn't actually harm anyone, so why worry? I won't suddenly turn into an abuse apologist or whatever people might think because of a ship, because I'm a whole person with critical thinking and a fully developed moral compass that in no way cross paths with whatever is the subject of my bedtime story of the day; and if that was the case then it still wouldn't be the fiction fault but mine, or maybe, at most, of the people who raised me.

If you don't like horror don't watch it, if you don't like metal don't listen to it, if you don't like wincest block me. It's that simple.

[cryptidanathema]

raihan

Why I like them: He's that guy that you THINK'S gonna be a total douche but is actually a really great guy once you get past first impressions. Liable to do something stupid trying to impress you. Dragon in human form. Canon fang haver. Brags about himself in the third person and should not be trusted with tapestries. Babygirl you need so much therapy /aff

Why I don’t: That hat that can't decide weather it's a sweatband or a beany. Seriously what is that thing on your head man

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Haven't watched any of his anime scenes tbh, kind of scared to after how dirty they did Leon. So I'll just use this section to show some love to the bit in Pokespe where he tries to take on Eternatus... himself. Not using a Pokemon. 

Favorite season/movie: See above 

Favorite line: ...I'm just gonna put "Especially you, Piers! The way you battled me in the Champion Cup... You really had my Dynamax Pokémon up against the wall!" and apologize profusely. Yes for ship reasons but also the fact that the guy starts hitting on a new rival in the middle of a Dynamax Pokemon rampage just feels weirdly on-brand? 

Favorite outfit: Shout out to that slightly douchey waistcoat ensemble with the Flygon shades from Masters...which he has a matching stupid, stupid hat for. 

OTP: Raihan/Leon/Piers and Raihan/Piers both qualify. Leon just straight up hits the "you don't even have to Ship It, some characters having had sex is just objective truth" threshold and they're often really sweet together, I just have to throw an alt boy in there too to get into it because my brain craves them like a body craves air. And Piers...they get tragically few scenes together but the ones they do get are so weirdly charged? Like someone else said there's a certain "should we be watching this?" energy to them lol 

Brotp: Leon also goes here, mostly because coming up for platonic explanations for the sheer depth of Raihan's brain rot in regards to that man leads to some FASCINATING relationship dynamics. I'm a big believer that romantic vs platonic indicates a relationship type rather than inherently implying a hierarchy of importance and these two are a great outlet for mentally rotating those themes. Also he and Gordie are fun in Masters, I like to think that they became friends while having shared sadboy time in the locker room. 

Head Canon: Probably my biggest is that with the way there's some pretty depressing shit left unsaid about the way he views himself, the occasional signs of anger issues he shows, and how he's the only member of The Rivalcule you don't meet the family of, the guy did NOT have a good childhood. On a lighter note, the guy has absolutely dogshit music taste. Like we're talking Skrillex and below here. The fact Piers doesn't strangle him over it is testament to the depth of his affection. 

Unpopular opinion: Don't really have one? 

A wish: Gigantamax Archaludon whenever the Galar remakes come out in 10-15 years, he deserves to just summon a wholeass suspension bridge (that notably has a weather-related signature move at that). And, well, just more of him in general. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Same as Piers, please don't throw this man into spacetime GameFreak 🤞

5 words to best describe them: Selfie boy kinda worries me 😔

My nickname for them: Rai, Rai-Rai...💖🐉

[blackbird-brewster]

20 Author Questions

Tagged by @danielleitloudernow TY!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Still accredited to my name? 135. Total works on AO3 that I've written (including Anon & Orphans) -- somewhere around 150?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1.1 MILLION!?!?!??! FUCKING WILD.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Criminal Minds (124). But also have some Thrilling Adventure Hour (4), Grey's (3), and a few other random fandoms where I've written one thing ever.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Caged (Kudos: 635)

The Disposition of Emily Prentiss (Kudos: 511)

I Won't Give Up (Kudos: 441)

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Kudos: 359)

i can't be wrong (to be craving you) (Kudos: 312) OMG I had no idea this fic had that many?!?!!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to every single comment I get!! Since I can't actually reach through the screen and hug every reader who leaves a comment, a reply is all I have!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm, Angstiest ending specifically? I would say 'The Five Horsemen of the Silent Chasm'. (Ends in major character death)

Angstiest overall fic? DEF, DEF, DEF my Jemily saga -- i can't be wrong (to be craving you)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I've written so much tooth-rotting fluff tbrh. Some cute shit that comes to mind:

Quiet Love (Jara Wedding Fluff!)

Always You (Temily proposal)

I Know a Place (Jara)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I get entitled comments sometimes. To which I always reply, because I think it's important for other readers to see how not to behave in a comment section. This recent interaction comes to mind:

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

OF COURSE I DO!!! Lately, I have been writing a lot of smut because menopause has turned me into a 24/7 horny gay. All my fics are Femslash and I also write F/F/F threesomes because I have multiple OT3s 😇

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have written crossovers in the past! Two of my favourites are a TAH x Addams Family one : Beyond Belief: When Family Calls and a CM x Community crossover where Emily and Frankie Dart are estranged twins: Words Left Unsaid

11. Have you ever had a fiction stolen?

Not so much stolen, as I've seen parts of my own personal fanon lore being used in other fics sometimes. Which I find endearing. Me and @otahkoapisiakii have so many Jemily HCs that we often share the same background details in our fics and then, sometimes, readers see these things and mistakenly think they're canon.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep! I've had a few fics translated into other languages. I think one was translated to Polish and another to Mandarin. Also, I think there's one in German somewhere too.

I LOVE when people ask to translate my works! It's such an honour.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

TONS. I think me and @otahkoapisiakii (Phoenix_falls on AO3) have about 6 or 7 we wrote together.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

That's an impossible question. My longest loved OTP will always be MSR. My most written OTP is JJ/Emily. My current favourite ships are JJ/Tara & Tara/Rebecca.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

When I retired from writing in 2015, I left behind a WIP (To Catch an Unsub). When I came back last year, I vowed to try and finish it. I re-wrote a lot of what had already been posted and managed a new chapter even -- but after nearly eight years, my writing style now is far different than when I started out in 2015. So I tied up the cliff-hanger and marked it as complete, because I know my heart isn't in it to continue that one.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have a really good understanding of the characters, I know what makes them tick, their motives, their insecurities and I think that makes them feel more authentic in my works.

I'm also a very fast writer. Both physically (my typing speed is absurd), but also just being able to bang out 10k in a day when I have an idea.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

NUMBERS AND SELF-IMPOSED RULES! I used to have this thing (I still struggle with it, but less so now) where I'd be like 'Every one-shot or chapter can't be more than 4k words'. Or if it's a multi-chap fic it has to be at least x amount of words minimum.

When I started writing completely for myself, those rules stopped holding me back. Now, I write until I'm done writing. Thus why Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 3 is going to be around 200k long when it's done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If I use another language, it's usually French because I at least speak a bit of it and don't have to use Google translate or other horrible tools that butcher nuance.

I have a Spanish speaking character in Part 3 and that made me really have to dig out my limited Spanish speaking skills for her scenes. Which are probably grating to fluent speakers (apologies!)

I think the best thing you can do if you want to use a language you don't speak is to talk to people who do speak it. It helps make the dialogue more genuine.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bones! During the WGA 2007 strike, I decided to fill the gap of TV hiatus with my own story. I wrote 'She Was My First' (Angela/Brennan) and posted it to LiveJournal (where I was in tons of Bones groups).

Since then, I ported it to AO3 around 2014. And now, it's the most read Angela/Brennan fic on there.

Fun Fact: Someone randomly leaving a comment on this fic last year was the reason I came back to writing!!

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I get this question a lot and I think my answer always changes because I love different fics for different reasons. So here are some of my top ones:

Fic I Love Everything About: Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) (Series)

Fics I Consider to be My Most Important: Head Full of Doubt & Journey Through the Silent Chasm (Series)

Fic I'm Most Proud of Writing: i can't be wrong (to be craving you)

My Comfort Fic (the one I re-read the most): Between You & Me

TAG YOU'RE IT: (no pressure!) @storiesofsvu || @gaelic-symphony || @ellegreenawayslover || @tedwinisconfused || @jenny-from-the-bau || @unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix

[mister-eames]

1/2 not to tout the national & their songs, but a lot of their songs are arthur/eames coded for me! but definitely more the pining/before they get their shit together & GET together stage of their relationship. it's the unsaid words, the misunderstandings, the walking away without a backward glance, the "I'm in love with you but this is just a convenient fuck for you" stage of their relationship. so further recs: nobody else will be there, hard to find, start a war, england & about today.

2/2 also hozier's song unknown/nth

Ahhh thank you nonnie!!! I always find it so interesting what songs/artists people resonate with for arthur/eames slash their otp and how they interpret them. I'm going to take a listen to these!!! <3

[kitkatwinchester]

LET'S F*CKING GO!!!!

F*CKING FINALLY!!!!

THANK GOD!!!!

YES SCOTT!!!

WAY TO BE THE ALPHA!!!!

WAY TO MAKE THE MOVE!!!!

WAY TO FINALLY SAY IT, IN NOT SO MANY WORDS!!!!

LET'S F*CKING GO!!!

"You know what? I'm not sorry."

And that KISS!!!!

THAT FREAKING KISS!!!

Like.

The way they were both so awkward at first, like they always are, and Scott was so apologetic, and Kira was so self-conscious, and they just didn't know what to do with each other.

And then Scott left, and Kira set down the helmet, and she was all disappointed and clearly upset.

And then Scott OPENS THE FREAKING DOOR, and he COMES BACK, and he comes backs STRONG, and he RACES to her, and she JUMPS UP to meet him, and they KISS and EMBRACE and KISS!!

And it is ALL kinds of passionate, and filled with ALL kinds of love, and ALL of the things left unsaid, and it is SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL and SO FREAKING PERFECT, and SCIRA IS FREAKING AMAZING!!!

And the way they just SMILE SO F*CKING LOVINGLY at each other after I CANNOT!

I LOVE SCIRA SO MUCH!!!!

SCIRA REMAINS AS MY SCOTT OTP!!!! IT REALLY DOES!!!

ADD THIS TO THE LIST OF SCENES THAT I WILL RE-WATCH UNTIL THE DAY I DIE!!!

BECAUSE THAT WAS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

(And that SHOT, with the LIGHT behind them!! I don't CARE how cliche it is, it was F*CKING BEAUTIFUL!!! I LOVE SCIRA SO MUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3)

[princesstillyenna]

Anonymising (is that a word? spell check tells me it's a word) another ask for this

16, 22 and/or 34 for the writer‘s ask, please😊

16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

I don't actually draft 🫣 I just fuckin write. start to finish usually. It all happens in chronological order and it just falls out of my brain. Then I'll go through and do a spelling and grammar check and then depending on the length and content of the fic I might ask for a beta, but drafts aren't a thing for me.

22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

God, that's a hard question? I don't think I have one??? Fred and Auston usually appear in the background of any leafs fic, but I rarely write them as a main pairing. I'm very much not an OTP kind of person because I'll pair anybody with anybody because it's fun. Let me check my stats... OK, according to my Ao3 stats, my top 3 pairings are 1988, Carter/Cale and Henrik/Igor. The anti's are gonna fucking love that 🫣 I'm gonna say Henrik and Igor is my favourite pairing 🤣🤣🤣

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

I really struggle writing sex scenes. It feels like pulling teeth, every word. I also hate being mean to my characters but I love how they are after bad stuff happens. I often feel like in my fics readers might be like "I feel this character is massively overreacting to what was a relatively small trauma" if I use the example of the D/s verse of Bewilderment and Things Left Unsaid, there's a scene in there in which Dylan Strome and Michael Latta have a BDSM scene that goes wrong. I hated writing that, and eventually I made it much tamer than I had originally planned in my head, for so many reasons, I didn't want my readers to hate Latts, because IT'S LATTS, and I didn't want to write something THAT BAD happening to Dylan. But I had the idea that there would be a scene 'go wrong' and it would traumatise him, but actually writing that scene was super hard for me. So I guess yeah, that's been the hardest bit to write so far. I hatet being mean to my blorbos from my shows (hockey is a show. fight me)

THANKS FOR THE ASK FRIEND :D

[genevievemd]

2, 24, 27, 29

Thanks!!

You got it peanut 💕

2. Any sleep habits either had to get used to?

Not too much for G, because once she’s asleep she doesn’t register anything, she’s basically dead to the world lol. Ethan on the other hand, he had to get used to a blanket hog and a snuggler. Mostly the blanket hog. He calls her this little burrito cause she rolls in the blankets.

She needs at least 3 blankets, Ethan doesn’t understand it. Even in summer. It mostly has to do with her always being cold, while Ethan rarely is. So when he does end up with barely any blankets it’s not that big of a deal

And they both had to get used to sharing a bed with someone. I hc that most of Ethan’s girlfriends (Harper included) rarely spent the night, so he wasn’t used to sharing his bed (for sleeping) with someone on the regular. And G, while she’s gone sleepovers with her sister and shared a bed with her, it’s different when it’s a romantic partner. Ryan was adamant that she never stayed overnight, there was maybe two or three times in the year they were together that she’d stayed over but that was it. So for both, getting used to sharing the bed was the biggest struggle. But they got over it quickly because

24. What do their texts look like?

Lots of emojis from G, shorthanded words and barely any punctuation. Ethan on the other hand rarely uses emojis, and always types in complete sentences. He also only texts regularly with like 3 people 😂

Here’s a fun little fact for you: sometimes when they don’t feel like typing out “I love you” or don’t have to time as they’re rushing to some emergency, they’ll just send 3 heart. One for each word.

27. Who brings home an illegal pet?

Gen. She’s already brought home a stray 😂

29. Who said I Love You, first?

Gen. It took them way too long to say it out loud. Neither wanted to put pressure on the other and we’re waiting for the other to say it first, so it went unsaid for a long time. Though both knew the loved each other.

And then one night G just blurted it out, and the rest is history.

OTP Questions

[demonsonthemoon]

You Know Every Part of Me

Fandom: Les Misérables Pairings: platonic Jehan & Grantaire, romantic background Grantaire/Enjolras Word Count: 3793 Summary: "Isn't it weird?" Jehan helps Grantaire pick out an outfit for her date, and the two of them have a discussion about their relationship. Note: Years ago (I'm guessing around 2014, but I'm not sure anymore), the ever amazing @anastasiapullingteeth posted a Jehan/Grantaire fic on Valentine's day. That fic changed my life, because it allowed me to meet someone I'm very proud to call my friend. I posted this fic on AO3 on Valentine's day 2020, and I'm still both proud and lucky to call Caro a friend. Also, I'm still totally in love with Jehan and Grantaire. Happy meeting anniversary, Caro. I love you. Title for the fic is taken from the song "Dear Jealousy" by Mika, because I was uninspired, and also, it's a bop. I changed some of the characters' pronouns in this fic, so Grantaire uses she/her and Enjolras ey/em (which is totally a reference to my old fic Tunnel Lights, because I was feeling nostalgic.) Also, the book mentioned in the beginning of the story is The Heretic's Guide to Homecoming by Sienna Tristen.

Also available on AO3.

“Isn't it weird?”

“Um?” Jehan shook himself from the novel he was reading – a fantasy book, one that actually engaged with the idea of language barriers, and how was Jehan supposed to resist to that? - and looked up at Grantaire. “Don't wear that shirt,” he immediately said. “You already wore it on your last date.”

Grantaire looked down at the black collared shirt she had put on, an eyebrow raised. “Really?”

Jehan couldn't help but smile a little. “Trust the only person in the room with a fashion sense.”

Grantaire's eyebrow managed to rise by another centimeter, and she gave Jehan a pointed look. There was a possibility that Jehan deserved that look, because he was currently wearing Mickey Mouse leggings under an oversized knitted jumper he'd found in a charity shop. “I never said that I had a good fashion sense,” Jehan pointed out, trying to stop himself from giggling. “Just that I had one.”

“This is why people don't trust you,” was Grantaire's reply as she started taking off her shirt.

 Jehan dramatically pressed his open book to his chest as he mimed being fatally wounded. “I have no idea what you mean. I am obviously the most innocent and trustworthy person anyone has  ever  met.”

 Grantaire's response to  that  , was to throw her newly-discarded shirt at his face. Jehan tried to make an affronted noise, but he started laughing before he could properly pretend to be mad.

“Okay, so what should I wear, dear innocent-one-with-a-fashion sense?”

Jehan properly sat up from where he was lounging on Grantaire's bed so he could look at her closet. Truth be told, she didn't have a lot of options that were date-appropriate, although Jehan had to scoff at the notion that there were such things as inappropriate clothes for a romantic occasion. Wasn't the point of those things to be yourself with another person? But if it meant something to Grantaire to dress up before a date, he would do his best to help despite their limited options.

“Go with the black tanktop that has lace on the front and your green turtleneck.”

Grantaire picked out said items from her wardrobe and oblingingly put them on, before assessing the outfit in front of her mirror.

“Yeah, I guess that will do.”

Jehan rolled his eyes. “Could you show any more enthusiasm?”

Grantaire turned towards him at that, her curls bouncing with the movement. She grinned as she approached the bed. “I'll show you enthusiasm,” she said. She then picked up Jehan's book from where he was still clutching it and marked his page before putting it down on the bedside table. It was a small gesture in the middle of a bigger moment, but Jehan's attention latched onto it. That small act expressed all the care that Grantaire put in her relationship with Jehan, and it made him echo her smile even as she bent down to kiss him.

Grantaire was indeed enthusiastic enough, and their clash of lips was anything but chaste as she kneeled over Jehan and licked her way into his mouth. Jehan was more than happy to respond in kind, sucking her lower lip between his as he ran his hands across the soft fabric of her sweater.

After making some sort of satisfied noise that Jehan would lovingly qualify as a purr, Grantaire pulled away.

“Wait,” she said in a fake-serious tone. “I was making a point.”

“If the point was to remind me of how much I like kissing you, consider it made,” Jehan retorted with a grin.

“Flattery will get you nowhere with me, young man.”

“Not even into your pants?”

Grantaire laughed at that. “That line was so bad I think you stole it from me. Aren't you supposed to be a poet?”

Jehan shrugged. Grantaire bent down to kiss him once more.

“Nice try, but these pants are staying on for the time being. You're supposed to be helping me get ready for a date, not seducing me.”

“I can perfectly do both at the same time. I'm sure Enjolras would appreciate seeing you out of your pants as much as I would.”

Grantaire blushed a little at that, swatting at him half-heartedly. “Stop that!”

It made Jehan laugh, free and easy, because the fact that such a simple comment could make Grantaire glow like this was just delightful.

“Like I said, I was making a point. About this. About us. I don't know.”

“And what was the point exactly?”

“Just...” Grantaire quieted down a little, sighing. “Isn't it weird? Shouldn't it feel weird?”

Jehan shrugged, tilting his head in consideration. “I mean, we've talked about 'this, us', before, I think we've been over the fact that most people would find it a little weird. A lot of people are still weird about stuff like open relationships and polyamory, so if you try to bring up stuff like 'commited platonic sexual relationships', it's gonna raise a few eyebrows.”

Grantaire rolled her eyes. “I know that, it's not what I mean.”

Jehan didn't say anything in reply, waiting for Grantaire to figure it out herself. This was something they'd talked about. They'd had to, both when they had first started flirting and Jehan had oh-so-casually slipped in that he was aromantic, and when Grantaire's simmering love story with Enjolras had finally turned into a proper romance. Those conversations hadn't exactly been fun, because discussing emotional needs and establishing boundaries was complicated work, but they had gone well enough that their relationship still worked. That didn't mean there weren't kinks that needed to be worked out from time to time (pun fully intended, some kinks being a lot more fun than others.)

“What I mean is that this, this whole helping-me-out-before-a-date thing, that wasn't part of the package. That's not something we talked about. And it just... I don't know.”

“You said that it should feel weird,” Jehan started carefully. “Does it?”

Grantaire shrugged. “I don't really know. That's my issue here. It's weird because I don't actually know how it makes me feel. I feel like... On the one hand, it's nice to have you here. I like you, obviously, and it just feels... normal, reassuring. On the other hand... I guess I'm kind of always aware of how it might look to other people. It just feels like... Like I'm flaunting it. Like it should make you uncomfortable.”

“You mean you and Enjolras?”

Grantaire nodded.

Jehan took the time to think about it, sitting up and crossing his legs so as to be more comfortable. This sounded like it was quickly turning into a conversation, so he might as well put himself at ease.

“Well, first of all, it's not like you're showing off something that I actually want. It's...” He paused for a moment, picking his words carefully. Jehan prided himself for the fact that he was pretty attuned to his own feelings. He did write poetry, thank you very much. But that also meant he was particularly aware of how contradictory his feelings could get, and overly conscious of the things he preferred not to think about. “It does sound... nice. It obviously makes you happy.” Grantaire couldn't repress a small smile at that, like she still couldn't believe her luck after three months of dating, and fuck but she was adorable. “Which is great. But I guess sometimes it does make me feel... envious, in some way.” That got the smile right out of her face, which made Jehan want to flinch. “Not in a... not in a personal way. It's not that I'm jealous of Enjolras, or of what you have with em. Not really. Not... specifically. It's more... Well. The feelings you have for each other seem to mean so much, and to make you happy. So I do sometimes feel envious that I don't... feel anything like that. That I don't get what it's all about. But it's all abstract. It doesn't mean I actually want it. Not really. Am I making any sort of sense?”

Grantaire had settled on the foot of the bed, mirroring Jehan's position. She looked at him, pensive.

“You are. At least I think so. It's not about jealousy for a person in particular, more about... the general sense that we're enjoying something you can't feel.”

“Yeah, something like that. But I don't want you to... try and hide it, or anything. That would feel weirder. And I think it would kind of be sad. I would rather know about the good things in your life than know you're hiding something from me to spare my feelings. And it's not as if society wasn't constantly throwing huge fucking clues at my face that I'm supposed to feel like I'm missing out on something, so I doubt those feelings would disappear anyway.”

Jehan shrugged again. The gesture wasn't enough to cover the bitterness in his words, but it was all he had to offer. Grantaire didn't say anything for a few seconds, considering his words. At least she wasn't looking at him with pity. That was probably one of the best things about her, and about the relationship they had. The fact that Grantaire – despite not exactly understanding how his emotions worked – didn't pity his lack of romantic attraction, and the fact that she was well aware that he was still perfectly able to pursue the kinds of relationship he did want. For example, the kinds of relationships that involved getting into Grantaire's pants.

It wasn't that Jehan was usually so single-minded about this type of thing. It's just that Grantaire cleaned up good.

“So it's not weird for you?” She finally asked, and Jehan had to re-route his train of thoughts and catch up with the conversation.

He shrugged again. “It's not that it's not weird. It's just that so much of my life would be considered weird by a lot of people, that at some point I stopped getting worked up about that feeling. I would say that my technique is to vaguely acknowledge the norm and how I feel about it, and then move on and ignore it for the rest of whatever it is I'm doing.”

Grantaire grinned at that. “Like you seem to vaguely acknowledge fashion and then ignore it every time you take clothes out of your dresser?”

Jehan mimed wiping tears off his face. “I know, it's so sad. For such a brilliant woman to die so young. Oh, no, it couldn't have been anything other than a natural death. Who would want someone like that dead?”

Grantaire laughed at his antics, and Jehan had to admit he was fairly proud of himself for finding friends who still laughed at that kind of things despite his having left the highschool drama club four years ago.

“But seriously,” Jehan said, back to a more serious tone. “I don't think asking if it feels weird is the right question. Sure, it's weird, but so am I and so are you. Doesn't mean I would change anything about it.”

Grantaire hummed under her breath in agreement.

Silence settled after that, allowing the moment to quiet down. Jehan let it. Grantaire wasn't the type of person to be quiet. Not usually. Not unless she was feeling particularly comfortable. Talking a lot, giving an answer to everything and having a brash attitude were all ways that she had of protecting herself. Silence was her true way of showing vulnerability.

Jehan lied back down on the bed, and opened his arms. Grantaire smiled at that, and settled into the embrace until they were properly spooning. The position felt a little silly, due in large part to the fact that Grantaire was the little spoon despite being nearly a head taller than Jehan, but neither of them really cared. It felt comfortable.

After a few minutes of easy quiet, Grantaire mumbled something.

Jehan made an inquiring noise, loathe to actually talk, which would involve moving from his position.

“I said that if you're not jealous of em, there's no reason for you to hold me hostage until I miss my date with Enjolras.”

Jehan giggled a little, closing his arms tighter around his friend. “Oh yes, that is exactly what this is, a dastardly plot to stop you from leaving,” he whispered against Grantaire's back.

“I've always known you were an evil mastermind,” Grantaire quipped back, still not moving away.

“Sure,” Jehan easily agreed. He suddenly felt confused. Was he really supposed to be jealous of Enjolras when he could have this? Something easy and soft, something that didn't push him to give more than he wanted to, but still offered him so much in return?

It wasn't that it was easy. It just felt like it was worth it. More so than anything else he could imagine.

Still smiling, he pushed Grantaire away, earning a groan from the woman. “Come on, I didn't help you pick a killer outfit for no one else to see it.”

[praisethejellyfishes-blog]

*cries silently because most Jehan/Grantaire fics involve Enjolras/Grantaire too and if not they're really short one-shots*

[praisethejellyfishes-blog]

I have so many shipnames for Jehan and Grantaire.

Like, my favorite will always and forever be OTP: Words Unsaid, but then there's the Capital R Romantics which I find really cool.

And don't tell me you can seriously resist to "hopeless Romantics".

[praisethejellyfishes-blog]

Cigarette Smoke on a Canvas of Unlit Stars.

Do stars still shine when nobody is there to watch them? I like to think they do not, When the smoke of cigarettes Hides the vodka on my breath. I like to think they are waiting for me.

This way, I can come home to fall in his arms And when our joined hands are raised to the night sky The light greets us with a warm embrace, And his laughter tells me I don't have to be sorry.

I pray to a god I don't believe in In an ironic act of defiance against a society Idolizing idealism and blind faith In an attempt to explain luck.

Lord, Let us be buried together, So that flowers may grow between our ribcages And chain us forever; So that the remnants of my heart may, at last, belong to him Along with my memories of his smiles.

[praisethejellyfishes-blog]

Jehan and Grantaire singing "The Broken Minor" by Elliot Minor.

[praisethejellyfishes-blog]

One thing I find really sad with most Jehan/Grantaire works, and especially fanmixes, is that they almost all focus on the self-destructive part of both boys and how they relationship is based on sharing the same doubts and fears, but very few take the time to explore the sharing of happiness.

I'm pretty sure Grantaire and Jehan would actually have moments of great fun together. I can see them bursting into song, or starting to dance, or just look for shapes in clouds for hours and Jehan would point out really complicated thing like "look at that one it looks like a woman in a dress holding an umberella against the wind" and Grantaire would actually listen to him starting to tell a story about that woman and her umberella and maybe draw it afterwards and they would just smile and don't even get me started on the moments of comfortable silence they would both share dammit I have so many happy!Jehan/Grantaire feelings