#OR today has been a bad day for some reason OR we've been triggered | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jazlynriddle-legacy · 5 months ago

Text

Welcome to your life - Pt 3:

It's My Own Design Ch 2:

Summary:

Ominis fought to control his expression, to keep his hands from trembling. Five years. Five years since he'd seen his parents, and this. This was the reason they'd given him the honour of their time? This was the reason they'd sought him out at Hogwarts?

The bitterness welling up within him was thick enough to gag on.

New year, new allies, new responsibilities, new avenues of revenue, and new aspects of their own Ancient Magic to explore. As the Keeper and their partners enter their last year at Hogwarts, it remains to be seen if the new school year will bring with it new problems or adversaries, but they are confident in the strength of their relationship with Sebastian and Ominis. The three of them would endure, no matter what befell them.

And if they were wrong?

What a joke, they would suffer no alternative.

Warnings: Sebastian x MC x Ominis! Drug Addiction! Spoilers! Slow-burn corruption! Dark content! Fucked up 1800s orphanages! MC has no love for Anne or Solomon! Dubious happy ending (it's happy for MC, Seb and Ominis at least).

You can also read on AO3! (chapter specific warnings below)

Notes:

Warnings: Characters getting PTSD triggered, meltdowns, an absurd amount of foliage lore, gardening, and mentions of feet. Not necessarily in that order.

As hinted in the last chapter of Part Two, our kids are starting to grow up and things like finances are starting to matter real fast.

So, this chapter is going to establish some things that the kids didn't pay very much attention to up till now.

As well as establish the current state of their relationship after the events of Part Two since that epilogue was a bit more general.

Also, my end notes are very long this chapter, I'm sorry, I couldn't pick anything to leave out- TvT

"How's the stability looking on your side?” The Keeper's voice called out, and Sebastian could hear them making their way around the construction site towards him.

He hummed, as they came to a stop beside him, where Sebastian was still crouched. Inspecting the rows of bricks that he'd been carefully aligning and stacking with levitation charms, meticulously shaping them into walls for the last five hours or so.

Standing, he breathed a sigh. “I feel like we should stop here so it can dry, before setting the next layer of bricks. I'm guessing it's the same on your end.”

The Keeper made a distant sound of approval, also surveying the site. “Yes, I think we've done as much as we can today.”

“Not bad for our first day, guess I'll go find Ominis then.” Sebastian flashed them a tired but satisfied grin, guessing that, before leaving, they'd want to speak with-

“Indeed, we're off to a good start. You go ahead, I'll speak with Tynx and then join the two of you at the landing strip in a bit.” The Keeper nodded, patting him on the shoulder before striding towards the other end of the site, where Tynx was also stacking bricks.

Sebastian grinned fondly, his lover was predictable, if nothing else, and he tucked his wand away, before setting off as well. His boots tapped against the cobblestone path that meandered through the grassy courtyard and paved the way to the greenhouses. One of the first things the elves had constructed, seeing as melting snow was awful to walk through.

The late afternoon sun was becoming warmer than comfortable with the arrival of summer, and he tugged absently at the open collar of his light blue button-down. The days were getting longer too, and the Keeper had already made an attempt to continue working till the sun went down, but Ominis was adamant that their lover would be getting more sleep this holiday than their last summer break.

As he neared the southern wall, where the greenhouses stood, Sebastian's eyes idly roved over the land as it were, blanketed by the sun's rays. The castle's courtyard was still covered with tools and materials, barrels of metal ore from the caves that they'd used to craft the cell doors and such. Large boxes tucked under the more beautiful trees that they'd left standing to decorate the grassy lawn that Tibsy had been trimming and neatening.

Sebastian didn't think himself much of an artist, but even he could see that the young elf had a good eye and skill in pruning shrubbery. They were lucky enough to have several bushes of Myrica Gale, a raisin scented shrub that repelled insects and could even be made into tea or essential oils that soothe skin irritation and acne.

They also had small patches of Purple Saxifrage oppositifolia growing like an elegant carpet of small, rounded flowers over the grass. Ominis had been happy when Sebastian found that these spring and summer flowers were even known to relieve indigestion. As well as some scattering of Calluna Vulgaris, which were good for treating inflammation, though the Keeper had originally mistaken it for lavender, until Ominis’ nose had protested their visual conclusion.

It had been a lot of fun, the three of them working to identify the various plants within their territory, over the course of the past year, before Sebastian would comb the Hogwarts Library for information on them. The greatest gem they'd found, however, had been on the plains, near the foot of the hill on which Dìon stood.

The Scilla Luciliae, a plant that produced Squill bulbs. A much sought after ingredient of the Felix Felicis potion that, like the Bloodroot, was likely a relic of the previous owner of this land, since it wasn't native to this region. They'd transferred all instances of this plant to the greenhouses the moment they were ready and had the elves harvest the bulbs to sell, whilst they were buried in exams in June.

While the plant itself was not rare, they only flowered for harvesting in spring and didn’t grow in the United Kingdom, so these were fairly valuable. According to Tynx's report yesterday, those bulbs of Squill alone had carried most of their expenses on the construction tools that they couldn't transfigure for the castle building.

Still, despite all the construction, the courtyard was actually beginning to look like owned property. This morning, the Keeper had suggested placing a fountain in the middle of the courtyard, in front of the house, like the one in Hogwarts, and Sebastian could already imagine how polished the castle would feel with small touches like that.

Though, sadly, Ominis had shot down his suggestion of placing gargoyles with menacing sharp teeth about the parapets as well, a pity since Sebastian thought it'd look brilliant.

Poking his head through the greenhouse's door, he couldn’t help the smile that formed when he spotted Ominis busying about the greenhouse in an apron and gloves. The sun's light caught on the tips of his hair and fair skin, setting him aglow, as the soft sound of hisses drifted through the air as his lover chatted with the snakes. Even after a year, Sebastian could still barely believe that the beautiful boy he'd admired for so many years was his.

“While you decide if you're coming in or not, at least close the door. You're disturbing the atmosphere's humidity.” Ominis huffed, rolling his eyes as he harvested a dittany's leaves.

Sebastian grinned and stepped in, letting the door close behind him. “Just enjoying the view.”

“Of the greenhouse?” Ominis asked with some confusion as he dropped the leaves into a basket.

“Of you.” Sebastian quipped cheerfully, and with a few quick strides, he was wrapping his arms around Ominis waist, happily tucking his face against the slender exposed neck that was peeking through a loose thin white blouse.

“Ugh, Merlin's beard, Sebastian, it's already far too warm in here.” Ominis protested, peeling his cheek from his clingy boyfriend's forehead.

The twin snakes behind them hissed and Ominis let out a quiet laugh that made Sebastian hum curiously, still busy nuzzling against the pleasantly soft skin of his lover's neck, sticky or no. Perfectly content with the likelihood of being the butt of the joke, if it made the blond laugh like that.

“So, did you have a purpose, or did you just come here to make me feel more unbearably hot?” Ominis sighed, resigned to having an octopus attached to him and not getting any more work done.

“More hot? I don't think that's possible, you're already incredibly hot.” Sebastian grinned, unable to resist lapping at the tempting beads of moisture on Ominis’ skin.

“Ugh, stop it, Sebastian!” Ominis protested, redness climbing up along his neck, and to his ears, as he renewed his attempts to wiggle free.

Sebastian chuckled and released his grip, holding his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright, we're done with building the castle for the day. If you too have naught else to do, we can return to Feldcroft.”

Ominis removed his gloves and rubbed a hand over his neck with a huff. “Well, I suppose I can leave the remaining plants for tomorrow.”

“Nice, looks like we've got a lot of potion ingredients this harvest.” Sebastian nodded, peering into the basket.

“Hopefully the potions we make from them sell well. I was listening to Tynx's report yesterday and I honestly thought we'd have more left over from the Squill bulbs.” Ominis sighed as he tidied up, removed his apron, and put the basket away under the potting tables, giving the snakes a farewell kiss on the snout each.

Sebastian placed an arm around his shoulders when he was done, the sound of hisses fading as Sebastian pushed the door open. “It'll be fine, we're getting on well enough, with the elves foraging a fair portion of our food and building materials from our land itself.”

“That it may be... it certainly helps that we need only worry about food during the holidays, when we can help with hunting and fishing.” Ominis nodded, letting Sebastian guide him through the door. “However, while it's fine to live off the land for now, since it's only during the holidays and gives the environment time to replenish while we're at school, it's not sustainable and we're definitely going to need to start work quickly after graduation.”

“Yeah, we could probably use another elf too, Tynx and Tibsy are probably running themselves ragged, though I know they’d never complain, but that would cost even more money.” Sebastian grimaced, all things he never had to think about much before. “Maybe I should take on a part time job too... Guess that's what it's like becoming adults.”

“Stressful. Though... they've been worrying about this kind of thing for a lot longer than us." Ominis flashed a strained smile, thinking of the Keeper for a moment, before shrugging off Sebastian's arm to take his hand instead. While it was cooler outside the greenhouse, it was still far too hot to be that close.

“They grew up faster than us... I mean, I'm grateful to have had their support, but it's sad that they had to.” Sebastian murmured, absently rubbing circles on the back of Ominis’ hand.

The three of them had long since pooled their funds together, which consisted of the small allowances Ominis’ family still sent him, Sebastian's half of his parents’ modest inheritance and the Keeper's... earnings. Specifically, money earned from fulfilling requests, plundered from the Ashwinders and goblins, obtained from selling relics that they'd unearthed from ruins, materials from beasts and spiders, and more recently, the more valuable materials that the elves had gathered off the land.

In truth, the Keeper's contribution made up a vast majority of said funds pool and they had basically been paying for pretty much everything up to this point. They'd never even asked Sebastian or Ominis to help with managing the finances and he hadn't thought of offering either, content to leave such complicated calculations and decisions to them.

“We can't change that, but we can do our best to share that burden.” Ominis smiled wryly and Sebastian nodded.

He really should start being more aware of this stuff, rather than always relying on the Keeper to run the numbers and worry about their finances, after all, he'd be entering the working world in a year. As they cut across the grass to reach the landing strip, Ominis paused halfway and bent down to scratch irritably at his ankle.

“Ugh, bloody grass.” Ominis muttered when Sebastian made a curious sound.

“Something wrong with your ankle?”

Sebastian looked up at the Keeper’s voice, their expression concerned as they approached with Sepulchria in tow.

“Nothing, it's just the grass, it's scratchy and tall, and it keeps getting under my pants. Of course, the one time I decided to wear short socks.” Ominis grumbled with a grimace.

“Hm.” The Keeper crouched to examine their grass. “Admittedly this grass has been a bit of a bother, Tynx says that it takes Tibsy a long time to trim them every week. Perhaps we should replace the grass in our courtyard.”

“Yes please, a white clover lawn would be lovely. My hom-” Ominis caught himself with a wince, clearing his throat. “My parents’ home has a lawn of white clovers and it's really comfortable, soft like a carpet. I could run about barefooted, and I'm told it looks beautiful too.”

“That sounds nice, I'll tell Tynx to purchase some seeds.” The Keeper smiled, deciding to let that moment slide as Ominis seemed to wish, giving him a kiss on the cheek with a small smirk. “Come on, let's get back to the house and you can run about barefooted so I can see if it’s beautiful.”

Ominis frowned at their tone. “I have no idea what double entendre that was supposed to be.”

The Keeper chuckled. “You'll be surprised how many people find bare feet to be sexually appealing.”

Ominis’ eyes widened. “Feet!?”

“I mean, you do have pretty feet.” Sebastian commented thoughtfully.

“I what!?”

“Close your eyes.”

The Keeper's eyes slid shut without hesitation.

“I want you to picture a place. Somewhere safe, somewhere secure.” Ominis murmured, the three of them sitting cross-legged on the bed in the Feldcroft cottage, clean and full, the scent of their dinner still hanging in the air. “Let me know when you have one.”

The Keeper thought for a moment. Safe... quickly the Undercroft came to mind, the place that they trusted enough to hide the Repository. Yet, it was a part of Hogwarts, and was not truly theirs. The Trial grounds they'd found in Gringotts? That was secure they supposed, only accessible by one with Ancient Magic. Dìon? It wasn't completely secure yet, but it would be.

“Done.” Sebastian didn't seem to have quite as much hesitation, and they imagined that his was easily the Undercroft.

“The appearance of the location can be changed later, it's just symbolic, as long as you feel that it's a safe place to hide your memories.” Ominis smiled, guessing what was taking the Keeper awhile.

The Keeper chuckled, very well, Dìon then. For now, the most secure place in there was the Dungeons, so they pictured the third basement floor. “Done.”

“Next, imagine doors, many doors. Behind each door is a part of you. You may define them any way you wish. Age, location, people, or even aspects of your personality, whatever is comfortable.” Ominis continued.

Easy enough, the Dungeons were already filled with doors. The Keeper considered how they'd sort it, eventually settling on time and age to start with. They visualised the space, walking through the corridor, and allocating the time-period of a year to seventeen cells. They then created eight cells for the older orphans that they wanted to find, three for their caretakers at the orphanage, one for Solomon, one for Rookwood and Harlow, and one for Ranrok.

They hesitated for a moment, before envisioning another three secret rooms, hidden in the wall on the opposite end of the stairs descending into their mindscape. A room for memories involving Sebastian, a room for Ominis, and a room for Professor Fig and the Elder Keepers.

They thought for a moment more, before going back to the cells to assign one to Anne and another four for the friends they'd made in Hogwarts.

“Done.” The Keeper murmured and they waited with Ominis for a few more minutes before Sebastian echoed their statement.

“Now, imagine protection for these doors.” Ominis nodded. “Lace them with memories of pain. You want to shock any intruders that try to access them and force them to withdraw from your mind.”

The Keeper felt their eyebrows raise, well, that was easy too. They dug into the depths of their memories for pain, the pain of broken bones, of rent flesh, of air just out of reach, the nauseating burn of humiliation, of shattered dignity and broken pride. They poured their pain into the bars of the cells, melting it into metal. Anyone wanting to access their memories would need to touch that agony.

“Done.” Sebastian's voice was tight, and theirs wasn't much better when they gave their own affirmation.

They felt Ominis’ hand slip into their own and the residual discomfort from recalling painful memories eased some.

“Next, remember something safe for others to view, something boring.” Ominis’ instructions continued. “Something benign. Fill the open space with it.”

The Keeper thought back to their classes, pulling forth a memory of listening to Professor Sharp's lecture and letting it fill the room. “Done.”

“Done.” Sebastian followed.

“Alright, you can open your eyes now, but try to keep the place you envisioned in your mind.” Ominis’ smile was the first thing that their open eyes gravitated to as he spoke, before they glanced at Sebastian, noting his adorably focused expression and they quickly felt the image of the Dungeons begin to slip away.

The Keeper frowned and gripped tighter onto the visualised space, trying to remember the memory they'd filled the room with, rather than fresh thoughts of how handsome their boys were. This was turning out to be more challenging than they'd expected.

“Now, you remember the incantation, yes?” Ominis continued. “You can take turns practising the Legilimency Spell on each other, while trying to hold onto that representation of your mind. Though I will forewarn you, while I am admittedly unsure of how it'll feel, my siblings never seemed particularly excited for their lessons.”

“Duly noted. Would you like to go first, Sebastian?” The Keeper asked with a teasing smile.

“And let you learn from my failure? No thanks, I'll let you go first, for the small chance that you might.” Sebastian grinned back.

“You think I'll muck up a spell on my first go?” The Keeper drew their wand with a snort.

“First time for everything, love.” Sebastian winked.

“Fair, ready?” The Keeper smirked, waiting for his expression to focus again with a nod, before staring into Sebastian's eyes and swishing their wand, the way that Ominis had shown them before. “Legilimens.”

It was a strange feeling, one moment they were staring into Sebastian's warm brown eyes, and the next, they were standing in the Undercroft. There were doors fitted into the walls and they could feel, as though in the back of their mind, a memory of Professor Hecat demonstrating a spell, a mild sensation of curiosity and a tinge of anxiety drifting through the air.

Somehow, the whole place felt distinctly Sebastian. If that made any sense, and curiously, unlike their own greyscale mindscape, Sebastian's actually had colour. His own fascination fluttered about them as they examined the space, tinged with some exasperation because of course you got it on your first try, as usual. The Keeper smothered their own amusement, enjoying the comforting warmth of his affection swirling about them. Such a wonderful feeling, wrapped around every stray thought that whispered through their senses.

Stepping further into his mind, they moved towards one of the closed doors, feeling his apprehension ripple through the air. As they reached a hand forward, the Keeper could already feel a creeping numbness begin to crawl up their fingers. Bracing themselves, they gripped the door handle.

Immediately, it felt as though the very air had been pulled from their lungs, their body became laden with weight, their muscles seized up uncontrollably, and their stomach filled with ice, while their heart was firmly encased in the tight grip of despair. Of sorrow and loss, of hurt and betrayal, loneliness and abandonment, and a grief that was overwhelming in its agony.

They recoiled, as though burned, and the space around them warped, all of Sebastian's present thoughts and feelings overridden by these turbulent emotions and sensations. Losing their grip on the spell, the Keeper was ejected from his mind.

As they returned to themselves, the Keeper found their breaths laboured and the sound of Sebastian's own heavy breathing filled their ears.

How could anyone live with that? How could he continue to love, after having loved so deeply, and lost so horribly?

It was so different, Sebastian's suffering, yet no more or less than their own. Different but equally agonising and more than unbearable. Perhaps it was because they hadn't gotten used to that specific pain, they hadn't grown and learned to live with it as a part of themselves. A grief over a loss they’d never experienced, so foreign and sudden, jarring and nauseating.

“A- are you alright?” Ominis asked with a worried frown.

“Yes.” The Keeper forced out as they caught their breath, trying to focus on Sebastian through the moisture gathering in their eyes.

Within them swirled an instinctive desperation, welling within them in response to his emotions, yet the feeling itself was slowly receding from their mind. Much like how one would be unable to hold on to physical sensations after it had passed, the fact of its occurrence could be recalled, but not re-experienced without the root of said feelings buried in one's self.

They took a steadying breath. “It's starting to fade... and you, Sebastian?”

“...yeah..." He grimaced, shaking his head. “Well, that was unpleasant.”

“Sorry about that.” The Keeper pressed a hand to his cheek, feeling some relief at being able to touch him, to tell themselves that he wasn't about to crumble like an illusion. The foreign, yet raw sensation of loss gradually bleeding from their aching and throbbing heart.

“It's alright, we're testing our defences. If anything, it is I who should be apologising.” Sebastian smiled wryly.

“Not at all, it's a good thing that your defences are painful enough to throw me out like that. In a manner of speaking.” The Keeper shook their head and Sebastian gave a strained chuckle in response.

“I imagine entering someone's mind is a very intimate and fraught experience.” Ominis murmured, rubbing his thumbs soothingly over both the hands that were still within his grasp.

“It certainly is, but I'm glad to have done so. I have a new respect for you, Sebastian.” The Keeper smiled sadly, the moisture in their eyes finally swelling enough to roll down their cheek. “Living and enduring despite such pain, even though it must be terrifying. I'm proud of you, proud to have your trust.”

Sebastian's eyes were wide with wonder as he reached across to touch the wetness on their cheek. He hadn't thought his pain enough to draw tears from his stoic and seemingly fearless lover.

It’d been Anne who'd been hurt, Anne who was cursed, what did it matter that he had been alone, fighting to save her, that he had been hurt just as badly when she'd been ripped from his side. No one had paid any mind to him when he was lost, blind and adrift in a storm without a sail, rowing desperately in search of the shore, a vine without support.

After all, it was Anne who'd been hurt.

The moisture against his fingertips was indescribably precious, a tiny, shattered bead of light, healing his very soul.

Sebastian's cheeks were warm, and his trembling smile was soft, vulnerable, unlike his usual cocky grins. “That's... thank you, it's... quite something, to have someone genuinely understand my pain. To know they literally do.”

“I can imagine...” The Keeper shook their head with a sad smile, thinking of the pain they’d felt in him, the betrayal and hurt, a raw wound still festering even now. Goddamn Solomon, their hatred for that man would never die.

The fucker never cared, or perhaps never understood, what he was doing to his own blood, to the nephew he was supposed to love and guide. The kin he should have been comforting, rather than hurting. Solomon was supposed to be Sebastian's rock, his support and shield to weather any storm, someone he could rely on, but instead Solomon had bared his sharp edges at Sebastian.

The man merely berated him for trying to reclaim his happiness, for needing an outlet and course of action after being hurt. Ominis, who wasn't even family, had tried to be there for Sebastian far more than his uncle ever did, or Anne for that matter. Though, they would give that Anne wasn't in much condition to support him, that was supposed to be the job of adults like Solomon.

“We'll always be here for you, to share both your pains and joys.” The Keeper caught his hand in theirs as he withdrew it, squeezing his fingers, seeking to communicate the firmness of their conviction with their grip. To lighten the weight of his ever-looming despair and give him the reassurance they now knew he needed. “I will never abandon you or give up on you.”

“Forever and always.” Ominis nodded in agreement, lifting Sebastian's hand in his grasp, and pressing a kiss to it. “I may not be able to feel your pain through Legilimency, but I will always try to help you bear it.”

Sebastian swallowed thickly, finding it difficult to speak, but forcing the words out anyway. “I- thank you... both of you.”

The Keeper released his hand with a smile, allowing him space to collect himself for a moment and taking the time to do the same, scrubbing their sleeve over their eyes.

“Should we stop here?” Ominis asked, his voice laced with concern.

“No, it’s- it’s fine, I can keep going.” Sebastian closed his eyes and breathed deeply, the tension loosening from his body, before he looked up, his expression resolute. “Alright, your turn then.”

At his words, the Keeper took a deep breath, pushing aside the residual emotions and focusing on their mindscape as Sebastian drew his wand.

“Ready?” He asked and they nodded. “Legilimens.”

A moment of anticipatory silence later, Sebastian sighed with a grumble. “How in Merlin's name are you always able to get a spell right on your first attempt?”

The Keeper chuckled, while Ominis smiled and gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Don't be discouraged, it's an incredibly difficult spell. At least you can learn it at all, training for it begins with eye contact, so I can't even attempt to practice the basics.”

“Is it possible to use this spell without eye contact?” The Keeper asked curiously.

“Theoretically, I suppose. However, I've never known anyone to achieve such an advanced level of skill. Then again, the art is considered illegal and anyone who had such capability would likely never admit it.” Ominis shrugged, and Sebastian gave an intrigued hum, before shaking his head.

“Alright, let's try again.” Sebastian nodded and the Keeper focused again on their mental visualisation as he met their eyes, raising his wand. “Legilimens.”

It was bizarre, feeling him inside them, like a warm little light floating through the cool air of their dungeon mindscape. The urge to cuddle him, to wrap their entire being around him, was unbearable with him so close, within their very mind like this. He drifted about for a while, and they wondered if he could feel their love for him, like they'd felt his.

The Keeper felt a moment of concern as he approached one of the cells. They knew that they had to, but they were still worried about him touching their defences. He was already so hurt, they didn't much desire to burden him with theirs too.

His fingers touched the bars, and the explosion of pain hit like a bludgeon to the head. That familiar disgust that crawled under the skin, that made them want to tear at it, and rip it all off just to get it out. Then, Sebastian was gone, and they were left disoriented, trembling upon the mattress once more.

Several minutes passed, the sharp sensation slowly ebbing as they struggled to steady their breathing, swallowing hard to keep the nausea down, and rubbing their thumb over their wrists to soothe the prickling skin.

The Keeper gave a strained laugh. “...congratulations, second try.”

“Yay.” Sebastian groaned, his hand covering his mouth like he was about to be sick.

“You alright there?” The Keeper asked with a concerned frown, a little perturbed with themselves that the words came out slightly shaky, as if their own feelings were anything new.

“Let's just say that I was expecting the physical pain, but the emotional... Well, it was a lot more horrific than I could possibly imagine.” Sebastian shuddered, releasing Ominis’ hand, and reaching out to draw the Keeper into a tight embrace.

“As were yours..." The Keeper murmured, their voice muffled as he pressed their face into his shoulder, rubbing his hands over their back and arms, as though seeking to scrape off the disgust and disgrace still clinging to and crawling all over their skin.

They hadn't thought it'd hit so hard, even after Sebastian had said it literally a few minutes ago, but it was insane, realising that he now understood on an intuitive level, exactly how their pain felt. That someone now knew the exact way that their skin burned and itched when...

That someone knew exactly what to give them. What they needed.

It was such a foreign feeling, in fact, that they were suddenly feeling uncomfortable with said fact. This was probably the most vulnerable they'd ever been. Sebastian had only touched their pain, hadn't even delved any deeper into them, and already he had a level of power that no one had ever had over them. The ability to give them precisely what they needed.

The Keeper swallowed, fear creeping up their spine, but they pushed it back down. They'd already decided to trust him and Ominis, all those months ago, when they were struggling with withdrawal from their addiction. Or perhaps the fear came from those feelings of loss they’d tasted in Sebastian, a fear that that pain might someday find its home in their own heart.

Taking a deep breath, they allowed Sebastian's touch to drive away the lingering nausea, before straightening, his grip loosening to allow them to withdraw. “I'm alright, Sebastian... thank you.”

“You don't always have to be.” Sebastian replied, his expression uncomfortably knowing, and the Keeper nodded silently, trying to collect themselves.

“I think we can stop here for today.” Ominis wore a strained smile as he reached out to pull both of them close, and placed a kiss on their foreheads, one after the other.

“How'd we do Professor Gaunt?” The Keeper asked, struggling to inject some levity into their voice, tucking their head under his chin comfortably.

“Very well, honestly. My siblings took several days to even breach each other's minds. Though, perhaps your willingness and trust in each other made it easier. I assure you that it is a testament to the strength that both of you have over your minds, that your defences even deployed correctly with so little preparation and practice.” Ominis was quiet for a few moments before continuing. “In truth, I'm not sure if there are other means of protecting memories, I'm only teaching what I learned and I don't know how any of that actually feels...”

The Keeper frowned at the carefully concealed bitterness in his voice, one they might have missed if they hadn't felt his fingers twitch on their shoulder.

Sebastian hummed thoughtfully. “I'd wager your family uses this method of achieving Occlumency because it works regardless of the individual's pain tolerance. After all, everyone's pain is different, and one cannot have built a tolerance for someone else's pain because they have not learnt to cope or live with it.”

“So, it hits with the impact of a sudden traumatic experience, enough to disrupt the focus of the intruder.” The Keeper nodded absently, lifting their head from Ominis’ shoulder to examine his expression.

“Exactly.” Sebastian nodded, seeming entirely lost in his churning thoughts and analysis. “I think it even helps that the person, whose mind is being invaded, can't think of anything else when the defences are triggered, thus concealing their own present thoughts. Bit of an extreme way to protect one's memories, putting yourself through a traumatic breakdown, but I have to admit, it works nonetheless.”

As Sebastian spoke, the Keeper observed Ominis’ expression. There was something almost wistful around the corners of his eyes, and perhaps some frustration in the tightness of his lips, and they recalled his words prior. I may not be able to feel your pain through Legilimency.

“Ominis... are you-” The Keeper spoke, almost without noticing it themselves, catching themselves and Sebastian's attention, before taking Ominis’ hand in their own. “Could you share with us how you're feeling?”

Ominis sighed, he should have known that he wouldn't be able to hide, sometimes he wondered if his lover was an actual mind reader. It probably would have upset him, if they hadn't proven their surprising loyalty to Sebastian and himself so quickly. If anything, it ended up being something of a relief, to not need to draw attention purposefully, to not feel guilty for being overly needy when upset.

“I- it's... incredibly inappropriate.” He shifted uncomfortably, drawing confidence from the soothing circles that the Keeper was rubbing against the back of his hand. “But, at the risk of coming off crudely, I suppose, I am... envious. Not of the pain, but well, the ability to share it in such an intimate manner.”

“I just, I try not to think about it. I can function just fine on my own, I don't- I don't need it but- but there's just... there's so many things I just can't understand, colours, and light and-” Ominis smoothed a hand over his hair, finding it difficult to put his feelings into words, his fist tightening when it returned to his lap. “And now, there's yet another thing I can't share, that I can't experience, and it's with the two of you and it's just- it's so- frustrating.”

“All because of some preposterous concept of purity that drove my ancestors to bed their blasted siblings to the point where I was born- born broken!” Ominis covered his mouth as the last word came out, a shaky breath choking past his lips.

“Love...” The Keeper murmured, placing their hand gently on his arm. “You're not broken...”

“I know!” Ominis burst out, shaking their hand off, his breathing agitated and his voice rising with anguish. “But I want- I want to share my pain with the two of you! I want to have that understanding! I know it's selfish, it's childish, but I just- it's not fair!”

His voice broke on the last words, shattering Sebastian's restraint along with them.

“But you have!” Sebastian exclaimed, reaching past the Keeper to grab Ominis by the shoulders and shake him. “Ominis! You're doing it right now!”

Ominis’ eyes were wide, and Sebastian's voice cracked, tight with emotion. “Don't call yourself selfish or childish for wanting to connect with us! Because you're right. It's not fair. And you don't have to be okay with it!”

Ominis’ breathing began to slow as Sebastian's hands clenched tightly around his shoulders, his eyes quickly filled with tears, and they rolled down his fair skin in thin streams.

“Ominis. Sebastian and I may have touched each other's pain, but without the empathy and love for each other, it would have done nothing to connect us.” The Keeper gently dabbed at the wetness on his cheeks with their sleeve. “We merely attained a quick shortcut in exchange for a jarring reminder. What you've done just now is the same, and you've felt our pain before, remember?”

Ominis’ breath caught, recalling this very cottage, holding Sebastian in his arms as the boy was overcome with fear and regret, sobbing on the floor hard enough to pass out. The Keeper sitting on a step as they panicked over their addiction and loss of magical control, the trap they'd run headfirst into with reckless abandon.

Ominis closed his eyes with a weak smile. They were right, he'd already felt them, held them, both of them, when they were at their lowest, when they needed him. It wasn't like his family, where he was left alone, left out, where no one bothered to explain things to him, things he had no way of understanding. Where he was treated like an afterthought.

Perhaps, the Keeper was right here too, even if he had been able to use Legilimency, he might still not have been able to understand his parents or his siblings. He might still not have been able to understand how they could cast the Cruciatus curse on him, when he'd loved them so much. Perhaps, even with Legilimency, they might not have understood how he'd felt, might not have cared enough to understand.

He sniffed, hiccupping lightly as he felt the Keeper's arm around his shoulder and then Sebastian's, then the warmth of their breaths against his cheeks and the press of their foreheads against his.

“T- thank you...” Ominis could barely get the words out, but his heart was light and for once...

...he wasn't the odd one out.

Notes:

Sebastian: *pokes Ominis in the cheek* Also, how dare you insult my boyfriend. Ominis: *teary laughter* Keeper: Smooth. Sebastian: Why, thank you. — It may sound strange, but I feel like people who have to struggle with PTSD are actually mentally strong, the amount of control that one must exert in order to not lose their sanity when encountering trauma should not be understated or underestimated. As such, I headcanon that people with PTSD, thanks to the compartmentalising required to cope with trauma, are likely to be skilled at Occlumency.

Also, did you know that some people can mentally visualise imagery from memory with colour, but some can't? There are also people who can't visualise at all too, and not because they're blind x'D

I think that people tend to forget that when someone gets hurt or falls ill, the people who love them get hurt too. Some people cope by fighting and kids especially, don't know how to direct that energy and they need guidance. The whole “well, other people have it worse” argument literally does nothing but victim blame and shame. Sure, it could be worse, but it also could be better and there's no reason to shame someone or beat yourself up for wishing it were better.

I think Ominis being a rare case of incurable blindness must be absolutely isolating, on top of being a Gaunt and having that shit reputation. It's already difficult irl, for blind people to socialise when it's not rare to this extent and we see many instances of the game's NPCs forgetting about Ominis being blind.

There's no way all of that isn't bothering him. Like, imagine someone asking you, “Why are you blind? It's curable, isn't it?” Well, not for me bitch, thanks for assuming I had a choice and chose to remain disabled. Rude.

It's the whole, “I may not need it to survive, but I need/want it to be happy” kind of thing and Ominis’ struggle with admitting it is a “well, I don't need it, and I don't want you to think less of me, but maybe I do want it.”

Just because he can live and function perfectly fine on his own and he's proud of that and doesn't have that type of performance self-esteem issue, doesn't mean that being treated without respect or consideration, or treated like an outsider that people avoid just because they don't know how to interact with him and they'd worry about what they can and can't say or do around him, wouldn't frustrate the living shit out of him.

Because here's the thing, while it sounds so easy, like oh, if only we could read each other's minds, we'd understand. No. No, that's pure bullshit. If you care enough about each other, you will eventually come to understand each other, with enough time, effort, and communication. But if there isn't care, all the mind reading and telepathy in the world wouldn't help.

If there isn't mutual respect and empathy and genuine desire to work hard to understand each other, even Jesus can't save that relationship. There aren't shortcuts to relationships, familial or romantic or platonic. It's blood and sweat and mistakes and forgotten birthdays and broken promises, it's trying over and over to understand the other, even when you're tired and frustrated and burned out by everything.

So, if you're trying and you know the other person is trying, you'll eventually understand them. Even if that still ends up in a parting of ways due to irreconcilable differences in way of thinking, at least I can say that, you'll understand them and you'll understand why it didn't work out.

(It's also kinda fucked up for Ominis’ parents to basically say “I'd rather my kids get a traumatic breakdown than leak info from their brain”, but we're talking about people who crucioed their own kid. So.)

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow #gender neutral mc #mc x sebastian sallow #mc x ominis gaunt #sebastian x ominis #sebastian x ominis x mc #hogwarts legacy fandom #hogwarts legacy fanfic #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #fanfic #jazlr welcome to your life #jazlr #lgbtqia #nonbinary

2 notes · View notes

kats-chaotic-wonderland · 1 year ago

Text

The tiny town of Merin Falls [Part 1]

(this is repost of my original reddit story so it's still structured for reddit. TW: mentions of blood, violence, gore, assault, and stalking. Nothing too graphic, but this is the set up for a horror story.)

Today had been a pretty slow day, so when I eventually found myself on Reddit, I whittled away my shift by reading through some of the posts in this particular sub. As I was on some post, about fifteen stories in, my coworker pointed out that some of the stuff we've seen would probably be interesting for some of you here. He suggested that I put a few of the more...bizarre? Creepy? I guess horrific? Stories about weird shit that happens in our small new England town.

So, as I'm sure you've heard before, I'll start by saying I live in a small town. It's settled in the northeast, a ways up from the Bridgewater triangle, and on the hill above a small bay. It's old, and has a history of witch trials and war battles. If you've ever seen a horror or Hallmark movie you've seen a town just like it. From calm summers to colorful falls, with old Victorian homes settled in old neighborhoods, complete with soccer moms and honor roll kids. This place is chock full of the American dream.

For context, we're small for this area. Like really small. One school, town square, a few neighborhoods, some mom and pop shops. We have a few docks down at the bay, but nothing bigger than a small motor boat. We do have one guy who lives on his boat, but it's a single room ship. Officially our population is about 1000-1500 on a good year. Unofficially, we stand about 2000 consistently. We'll talk about why at a different time, for now I just wanted to put it in your mind how small we're actually talking.

This place looks and operates like a normal New England town on the surface. Of course, I wouldn't be here if it actually did. There's a lot wrong with this tiny town of Merin Falls.

I spent a while today rolling around in my brain for what story really works for a start. See, we get a lot of weird, dangerous, unexplainable stuff out here. But starting off with true horror is a bit of a challenge. After six years, and for some other reasons, I’ve become a bit numb to some of what happens here. Not all, but some, and the ones that stick with me really aren’t something I want to dredge up just yet. But after some thought, I settled on one that I think will serve as a good look into what living here is like.

The day in question was a pretty typical day, maybe four or so years ago? I had gone into work, had a total of four customers. I remember because Iian still has a polaroid of each one tucked away and dated in his portfolio. This is one reason I started to hang around with him, his need to take way too many photos means I have easy access to memory triggers. But we’ll talk about that on a different day. For now all that matters is I had four customers. Holly Baker, came in the early hours right at open, she bought three binders, a sharpie, and a roll of yellow duct tape. I rang her up with no issue, my coworker Iian took her photo as she was checking out. She left and we were dead until around four o’clock. That was when Mrs. Miller came in with her rat dog and her spineless husband.

Mrs. Silvia Miller, is a rather irritating thorn in my side. From my first day working here she’s come in at least once a week in order to make snide comments about my appearance or moral choices, and make laughably bad attempts to return items she never purchased. She’s every retail worker's nightmare. (And no, unfortunately this is not the story about her being a horrible monster) Her antics have gotten so bad over the past six years that we have rules specifically for her. I’ll explain them in more detail in a later post, but she’s not allowed to shop when it’s just me on shift. We do not accept returns from her. Ever. And all of her receipts have a stamp that says “Non returnable. All sales are final.” These rules extend to her husband, a short stumpy man who looks like a frog next to his witch of a wife. As well as her kids, on the off chance they take the time to visit the old crone.

I remember this interaction clear as day, without the need for a trigger. Silvia had come in ranting and raising holy hell about some folders she had purchased from Arthur, on a day when I wasn't working. I listened to her diatribe as she gestured rapidly with her free hand, her faux pearl bracelet looking like it was going to snap off her knobby wrist. After five or so minutes I just stopped her, took her receipt, and pointed at the massive hot pink stamp that was glowing in the black light. With a look that I can only describe as, complete and utter entitled bitch bafflement, the look a Karen gets when the manager doesn't give them free stuff. She turned up her crooked hooked nose and snatched the receipt. Then she turned on her heels, a cheap pair from the thrift shop, of which she had painted the soles red with what I can only assume was cheap spray paint. Then with the fury of a western wind, headed for the door in a huff. Her shaking bug eyed rat and amphibious husband in tow. The former clutched in her cheaply manicured claws, and the latter being dragged by the scruff of his threadbare suit. The Millers are what you would call high class white trash.

The third customer was a guy I can't remember, but since Iian has a photo with the same date, I'm gonna assume he was there. From the photo, I can see he was an inch or so taller than me, gaunt face with some dark stubble, thin lanky limbs, and curly dark hair down to his shoulders. He was wearing some casual shorts and a tee shirt, and….round Ozzy Osbourne sunglasses indoors….for some reason. What strikes me as off on this one, is we have a lot of photos of him, but Iian doesn't remember ever taking them. And, for my weird memory issues, I can't bring up a single image of him in my mind if I'm not looking at a photo. It's like he just blinks from existence when we look away. There's a lot of photos of him actually….I wonder if he’s a regular? I’ll check the cameras for him at some point.

The last customer came in just before close. I call her Thelma, but I don’t actually know her name. She’s not local, but she is a regular. For whatever reason she drives out to this podunk to buy her music sheets from us. Thelma is always dressed in a similar outfit, just different colors and patterns. Always a top with 3/4 sleeves, a skirt that fits her closely but not tight that ends at the ankle in a ruffle. Sunglasses, sometimes she keeps them on. And her wiry gray hair is always up in some clip ponytail, updo thing. The top is always solid or stripes, and the skirt is always some kind of floral. Her shoes are either sandals, heels, flats, or sneakers. I wish I had more to say about her, but she never says much. Just comes in, wordlessly gets her blank sheets, checks out, pays cash, and bails. She did the same thing that day. Not a word more than needed, sunglasses on the whole time. Have I mentioned my store is lit up mostly by black lights? Yeah she makes no sense to me. But she doesn’t cause problems so I like her well enough. After Thelma left Iian and I cleaned up, locked up, and he headed home. We waved as I was taking my key from the door. We go in opposite directions, save for the off day when he walks my way with me so he can stay with Ryan for the night. That night was not one of those nights.

So there I was walking alone. It was a warm night and I was in a pretty good mood after everything that day. I’d made it a good six blocks when a car pulled up next to me. They rolled up real slow and kept pace with me. I didn’t give them any attention. Instead the hand on my opposite side was reaching for the knife I keep on my belt. I have a few on me at all times, I lived on the road for a while before I landed here. You figure out a lot about how to keep yourself safe in places like truck stops and roach motels. My knives won't save me from a bullet, learned that the hard way. But guns are rare in this area, instead kidnapping and other person on person crime is higher. But when they rolled their window down and I heard a whistle, my eyes just rolled.

Travis Heartly was the star of the football team back when he was in high school, now he was a community college drop out who could not understand the word no. Or fuck off. Or I will stab you and not feel bad in the slightest. He’d taken a liking to me just a few weeks after I had moved to Merin Falls. Unfortunately for him, I had sworn off guys. Not love, just guys. After getting abused three times in a row, I realized that me and guys romantically just don’t work. Travis didn’t get the memo apparently. He would come into my shop, near daily, and ask me out. Waste my time with his small town bragging. Act like a general Neanderthal. When Luther finally had enough and banned him from the store, he just started waiting outside for me to leave. Wait in my favorite coffee shop, bar, library, you name it he stalked it. His car was an old beat up sedan his mom gave him. He cleared out the back and put a bed in there. Needless to say that didn’t help his case when he busted into the shop excited to show me his new ride.

This car he was in however, was a rather nice Lexus. He was still beside me, calling out for my attention. I of course would not be giving him any. So he opted instead to move up the block and park right in the next street I needed to cross. Because of this move, the idiot gave me enough time to pull my larger blade from my boot. It's a good three inches longer than the belt knife, and an inch broader. See, my boots are clunky steel toed work boots. I don’t really need them, but old habits die hard, and hold big knives. I stopped a few yards away as he got out. We were close in age, though he had a good two years on me, but I had about six inches on him so I guess we're even. Still, after his flunk out, he’d taken up booze and dropped his work out. So his once toned body was slowly fading into the start of a beer belly and unkempt stubble.

He closed the door and leaned against the car,”Hey! How was work?”

“Leave me alone Travis.”

His expression dropped,”Come on, what did I do? Was it the roses? Look I just thought maybe-”

“Oi.” I cut him off, ”Shove it. I’m not interested. Now beat it.”

“Come on Am.” his voice was pitiful. He had his choice of girls when I moved here. He was pretty, young, fit, and locally famous. But when he clung to the freaky new girl, they all moved on after a year or so. A fair amount of his classmates were hooked up with someone new. Iian liked to gossip about his school a lot at work. In a small place like this most of the kids never really leave. But, his problems weren’t my issue.

“Move.” I ordered

He was looking at me like I’d just kicked a puppy.

“Fine.” I started to cross to the far side of the street. He panicked and ran toward me, closing the distance in a moment as he grabbed my upper arm. He'd learned not to try and grab my forearm. I always hold my knives down, with the bunt to my arm, blade out. In the event I need to block, or get grabbed from behind it's quicker to defend myself. Think Rambo or Hunter from the bad batch. Say whatever you want, but it's saved me more times than I want to admit.

“Wait!” he pleaded,”Please just one chance! I promise, I can-”

I ripped my arm away and rounded around with my free hand. The fist collided with his nose, I felt a crunch and heard a bone snap. Travis stumbled back and grabbed his now gushing nose. Tears welled and fell in rivulets as he looked at me in shock.

“I told you not to fucking touch me.” I spat and stepped back several feet. I kept my eyes locked on him and my guard up,”Try that shit again and I’ll do worse than break your nose. When a woman tells you no for two straight years, believe me she is not going to change her mind dumbass.”

He just looked at me, tears and blood running down his face. I’d always told him no. No maybes, no waffling. Always a direct no. And I’d put up with his stalking, but he’d never touched me before. This time he crossed a line he hadn’t realized was there. The look in his eyes was either rage, or passion. And I really didn’t want to know which. He’s the kind of guy who wants a woman to ruin his life. I guess he thought I would fit that bill.

He was right, but not in the way he wanted.

This standoff lasted for maybe a minute before headlights came slowly up behind us. Travis made the connection before I did. He saw the red and blues and bailed off into his Lexus. I watched him peel out from where he had been. I didn’t move until officer Lison parked and stepped out of his car. I lowered my knife and slid it into my boot as he walked over to me.

“Amber? Was that Travis I just saw?” he asked, he sipped on his coffee, getting a few drops caught in the edge of his salt and pepper mustache.

I turned and rubbed my hand, it was bruising from where I had punched him,”Yeah. He tried to grab me when I went to walk away this time.”

“Shit.” Lison chuffed with a bushy browed scowl,”What an ass.”

His reaction was so flippant, I just...I busted out laughing,”That’s all you got Boris?”

“What?” he asked confused,”He is. Plus he’s getting thrown in lock up tomorrow anyway.”

This made my laughter stop, it was my turn to be confused,”What did he do now?”

Another sip of his coffee,”Grand theft auto.” he shrugged,”Lexus was stolen from a lot east of town. That's why I stopped.”

“You’re kidding.” I asked slack jawed.

“Nope. I don’t think he even realized he was on camera.”

“So what? He just took it in hopes of a date night?”

“Looks like it if he was here for you. He’s a desperate man.” he shook his head,”Wanna lift home?”

I thought about it for a second,”Sure. Thanks Boris.”

We hopped in his cruiser, and made light conversation for a few blocks. Three blocks from my house though, a call came over the radio. Some mix of cop lingo and garbled static that I couldn't really understand. He did though, Boris looked concerned and stopped the car. He gave me a look I couldn’t really place,”Look, kiddo. I gotta respond on this one, but it’s back that way,” he gestured behind us,”It’s an all night type deal. Are you good for the last few blocks?”

I nodded,”Yeah, you go do what you gotta man. Thank you for the help, and the ride.”

“Any time Amber.” He nodded, his face looked a bit forlorn,”You should be safe from here, but be careful.”

“Always.” I smiled as I slid out of the cruiser, my boots hit the pavement and I walked behind the car to the sidewalk. Boris took off a moment later, back down the way we had come.

I should have asked how he knew Travis wasn’t around. I know now that's what he meant when he said I was safe. The look in his eyes should have clued me in, but I just figured it was part of whatever call he had gotten. I was right. Doesn’t make it easier for him though.

He’d get six calls of the same nature that night. And he wasn't the only one, a total of twenty eight similar calls came in one after another. None of them could be explained. He still blames himself for the two that survived, and the rest that didn't.

Boris Lison had lived in Merin Falls his entire fifty seven years of life. And he’d known Travis for all twenty one years of his. He’d been close with the football star's grand dad. But after his spiral, the officer just felt bad for the kid. That made it hard for poor Boris to pick him up off the pavement that night. The official story was that he crashed the Lexus into the retainer wall because of his erratic behavior. Some of the officers even insinuated that it was on purpose after my rejection and breaking his nose. That he had finally snapped and tried to end it all. Claiming mental illness was easier than trying to explain the gaping hole in his chest. Or how he had been dragged out of the car through the back windscreen. How he ended up a good half mile from the car. Or why he was frozen almost cryogenically with his heart yanked halfway out of his ribcage by the time Boris had found him. How he survived for the following week is beyond all of us. Not that he was any help in explaining anything. By the time I was ready to leave the hospital myself the following week, Travis tried to use his bed sheets and window for his own way out. I can’t say I blame him. I probably would have done the same after what happened. He spent the next two years in the Merin Falls psych ward. His time there was a horror show of its own.

What happened that night scarred a lot of people in this town. Unfortunately, myself included, both physically and mentally.

Boris had just gotten out of sight and I started making my way down the block. My body was still on high alert from my encounter with Travis. Every noise, flash of headlights, each passing car made me freeze. I'm not a skittish person. Anxious sure, but it's a quiet anxious. Not jumpy. Something in the air had me on edge. It felt like each step dragged me through a slurry of static and shaved ice.

My feet trudged onward. Alarm bells flagged in my brain, each thud of my heart sent a scream from the back of my mind. They all called me to turn and run. But….I didn't.

I should have.

The further I went the worse the feeling of unease got. Then, after a block, I saw something. A dark figure crossed the street ahead of me. I watched as it moved from my side to the other, then back again. Stopping in my tracks, my brow furrowed. It was like looking at something dipped in Vantaa black. My brain wanted to warp around it, like it was a void between two images that should be touching but weren't.

The way it moved, it wasn't….it wasn't right. Like a shadow blinking in and out of existing, but never moving all at the same time. I was frozen the moment my eyes caught it. My skin prickled as ice slinked in a slurry through my veins. I could feel the sludge crawling up the back of my neck as the thing turned to me. Whatever this was, I wasn't supposed to have seen it.

Thoughts raced in my mind, 'I've dealt with weird shadows before, if I tell it to leave it should right?'

'No wait, why isn't my mouth moving?'

'Hold on why can't I mo- wait is it getting closer!?'

A scream was lost in the void of my throat as I realized that the creature was moving in static flashes toward me, or was it? It was close, then it was miles away, a few yards, miles and miles, feet, then inches.

‘Shit!’

Freezing blood pounded in my ears as this...this thing...I couldn’t form a real thought as it neared me. What should have been it's face, instead just a chasm of inky blackness, was inches from mine. If it had eyes I couldn't see them. But I could feel them. It felt like a numbness trailing over me as it tried to understand what I was. Panic clutched my chest as the numb feeling hovered over my heart. The ice in my veins rushed to the center of where it was staring. A choked groan seeped from my throat as I felt the muscle in my chest freeze to a halt.

'How am I even still breathing?'

'Wait...am I?'

I couldn’t tell anymore.

It’s arm moved as it flashed back several feet again. Looking at this thing hurt. Like I was watching a game character glitch in and out as it tried to move. Just rapid, glitchy, morphing, shapes of shadow. It looked humanoid, but entirely not at the same time. Raising its arm I felt cold static touch the skin over my heart. My top was probably fucked, but I quickly didn’t care as I felt it slowly pushing it's claws into my flesh. I couldn’t scream. Gods I wanted to. I wanted to cry out in pain and terror. This creature was ripping my chest open. Claws in the shape of a perforated circle were digging, boring their way to my heart. Determined to remove the icy lump of muscle and sinew from where it was caged in bone.

Silent tears rolled down my cheeks, so hot they burned like flames as they fell. As they left blazing trails, it occurred to me as the heat faded, I couldn’t feel anything but the pain in my chest anymore. A sickening ‘*CRACK’* sent a new wave through my body. White spots floated and flitted around the edge of my eyes. Like sick fairies drawn to the scent of blood. This thing was taking it's time.

It enjoyed watching me suffer. Frozen in fear and pain.

The next thought that crossed my mind was so horribly clear,’I’m going to die here.’ I wish I could say I had some awakening and I snapped out of it. Or that in that moment my life flashed before my eyes and I saw the error of some choice in my life. But no. In that moment, alone with that thing, it’s claws reaching for my frozen heart, I just wished for one more moment. The image that did come to my mind just as the white began to take my sight wasn’t something deep, or wise, or heroic. It was a smile. A smile I knew would never look the same if I died. From that day on it would be tinged with sadness. Of not knowing what happened. Maybe she would think I just left. I prayed, for the first time in so many years, a silent thought,’Please, let her hate me. Don’t let her linger. Don’t let her search. Forget me and be happy.’ And that was it.

Everything went white.

I woke up two days later in a hospital bed. The nurse beside me was changing an IV bag. His eyes caught mine as they fluttered open, with a professional manner he told me I was in the hospital and to not move. After calling the doctor and running a few tests. Things like asking me for information, grip strength tests, stuff like that. They told me what happened. Just as I passed out, before I was gored by a shadow thing, Ryan had found me. He said I was just collapsed on the sidewalk cold, with a ring of stab wounds on my chest. He called 911 and they rushed me to the hospital. I had a few cracked ribs, and they said it was nearly impossible that all of the stabs had missed major arteries. But it wasn’t. That thing wanted me alive to the last second. Ryan found me two hours after I left the shop.

It had frozen me there for two hours.

I was in the hospital for recovery for a few days. Iian and Ryan checked in on me every day. Arthur and Luther came by a few times too. They even paid for my bills. I really love them so much. I don’t know where I’d be without them all. Once I was released, Iian stayed with me till he believed I wouldn’t keel over. Within two months I was healed up, a perfect ring of five exactly matching scars, centered right over my heart. As soon as the doc cleared me, which took a bit, she’s a thorough woman. I was in the tattoo parlor the next day getting a new piece to accent my new scars. That thing tried to kill me. But, I’m no coward. I was scared shitless, I’d only felt fear like that once before that day. Despite that, I lived. Somehow. So I’m owning it. Just like the one on my back. My shoulder. The bullet scar in my thigh. And the bands around my wrists.

Each scar is a memory. Each tattoo, a way to take back control in a small way. Every horror story leaves a scar of some kind. Mine were physical this time. Next time maybe we’ll look into the ones on my mind. But for now Iian is bugging me to check in, I didn't realize how long I've been typing. I’m Amber Haze, and I’ll be back soon with more from the tiny town of Merin Falls.

Master post

Horror master post

Navigation post

Part 2

#merin falls #horror #creepy #creepypasta #r/nosleep #amber haze

4 notes · View notes

thedreadvampy · 2 years ago

Text

Scuse me doing a vent

The situation is thus:

My partner's partner has recently ended a very messy and toxic relationship. both they and their ex were hot messes in the most unhelpfully complementary way and they sent each other into an increasingly toxic spiral - the ex was clingy, paranoid and overbearing and the partner's partner was frequently cold, unkind, belittling and downright nasty to and about them. they broke up and got back together over and over again even though it was incredibly clear that they were making each other miserable.

there was some moderate messiness around the breakup. before the breakup I had sat down with the ex (who I don't know outside this) and encouraged them to end the relationship and let it go instead of continually pressuring their partner to keep taking them back when it was making them both so unhappy. I was real mad about it too bc honestly while I totally understood the partner's reactions bc I too have very much dealt with the kind of emotional black hole of person-in-perpetual-crisis that the ex is, I thought they were being consistently really shitty to the ex and I told the ex that. the next day the ex broke up with the partner and there was a whole big 3 day drama I got sucked into about the partner trying to delete the ex from my life, which I was like OK MAN THAT'S NOT YOUR DECISION. we've since worked it out - emotions were high and I was triggered as fuck and all told it was a mess. but they did break up permanently. which is good.

fast forward a couple of months to last week. my partner and their partner have been organising an antitransphobia movement space for the last few months. the ex feels that they're being unfairly excluded from participating in that movement space.

the ex started messaging me last week asking if I wanted to get a coffee and catch up. the same day, I hear from my partner and from my best friend (who is very close to my partner and their partner) that they've been constantly talking about the breakup in the organising discord server, that it's escalating to accusations of abuse and maybe to demands that the partner be removed from the space, and that other people have started weighing in. both my friend and my partner are a wreck, particularly my friend cause this is like the 3rd time an organising group they've been in has come catastrophically apart at the seams when interpersonal drama ends up exploding into a bunch of triggering public litigation. my partner is trying to calm the situation down and act as a point of contact between the ex and their partner, but they were also already really annoyed with the ex for largely unrelated reasons AND they're worried about their partner spiraling out so they're struggling hard.

I'm worried about my friend and my partner, but I'm also not fucking in this conversation - I'm not on the discord, I don't think me weighing in would help anyone, and tbh my opinion on the original situation is: as far as I can tell neither of them were abusive in the sense of an unbalanced power situation; they were both pretty vile to each other throughout the relationship; it was a Bad Idea relationship that made both of them their worst selves; from out here it seems pretty clear that the best thing either of them could do for themselves is stay the fuck out of each other's way as much as possible, and I know that's easier said than done but the ex seems very actively opposed to even TRYING to not be in constant contact with the partner and that's a great way to erode any sympathy I have here, frankly.

anyway as I say I was quite happy to Not Be Involved

uhhhhh so the ex messaged me today to bitch about how my partner is being So Rude To Them in all this? we haven't like. spoken. other than them asking me if I wanted to catch up.

I blew up a bit tbh I was like hey man. I'm not fucking involved and I don't want to be but wild that you would open with complaining about my partner as if I'm likely to agree? also maybe idk consider that emotions are running high and given that you rightly expect that people will give you some grace for being Brain Problems and upset, maybe grant the same grace to other people?

they've just messaged me back actually post cancelled I'm not reading that goodnight

anyway I'm having a whole Second Hand Drama Time this week and I'm not going to let myself get dragged all the way back into it bc the last blowup when they broke up had me fucked up for like 2 weeks, it's very Ungood for me from a trauma perspective to get pulled into this specific flavour of drama

but also like. this is my confessional bit cause I know it's not a worthy thought. man I have sucked it up and played nice and removed myself from MULTIPLE spaces I wanted to be in to avoid starting shit with people who have behaved much more directly violently to me than the partner appears to have with the ex (mostly their crime, and as I say I fully agree that they were out of line, is being a bit of a dick to the ex, giving them the cold shoulder, and sometimes abruptly asking them to go home). and it's the same feeling I get whenever other people's interpersonal drama becomes this massive all-encompassing Thing I'm just like jesus fuck pull it together. suck it up and get out of the way of people who you know you can't be around. because at this point it just feels like you want to hurt them and don't mind hurting yourself in the process and I just do not have patience for that, especially when doing that is also throwing a massive spanner in the works of both a very urgent political organising space and a bunch of other people's fucking lives.

like I very much believe that we should take accusations of abuse seriously but I would say if I personally felt unsafe around someone what I wouldn't do is try to elbow my way into a group they just started and complain about not being let in. I would probably. go find a different organising space that wasn't run by someone I didn't want to be around. if I felt they were a danger to others I might talk to people in that group privately but like. why are you getting mad that you can't go to places the person you're beefing with is in? why are you mad that they won't answer your messages? why are you waiting for them to validate you? fucking hell man cut yourself loose.

#red said

3 notes · View notes

msmental-madness · 2 years ago

Text

Meltdown

**Potential trigger warning: Thoughts of self harm / suicide

To give you background first, my boyfriend, Gavin, and I have been together five years and we've been living together for almost five years. We had to go to couples' counseling a year or so ago because of how bad my mood swings were. He is very aware of all of my mental illnesses and I'm incredibly lucky he didn't leave me when I went to the outpatient program when we first started dating and when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. He is a wonderful man most of the time, let me make that clear.

With that being said, I tried to explain BPD to him and asked for him to read up on it but there was some kind of disconnect in which he wasn't understanding of how sensitive I am. It's very frustrating to me because he will say shit such as "You're being dramatic." "You take things too personally". OMG it takes so much to hold in that Sicilian rage to not just put a hole through a wall.

The therapist did explain how much more sensitive we are to things, so I figured him hearing a professional confirm this would help so I wasn't deemed as "dramatic" or "faking" it and to also help him to be more understanding and patient with me. We both explained to him that I perceive things differently. I full heartedly admit I take everything personally. Perception is everything so I believe that if you know you're speaking with someone knowing how sensitive they are, you should be conscious on how you word what you're saying to avoid conflict. Is that too much to ask? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm the type of person who is too nice and does everything in my power to not make anyone feel as horrible as I do everyday.

Gavin is also aware of the mental and verbal abused I endured growing up and still continue to experience with my narcissistic Mom. We had gotten into an argument and because I was so riled up from being upset, I disassociated and I honestly can't remember what it was about exactly, but I know it was just a misunderstanding as usual. I had a manic episode yesterday to the extent that I was in hysterics and cried for almost an hour. I was so disoriented that I was thinking that today was the day, the day I finally end my life. The pain was so much that I didn't even care or worry about the pain or consequences.

The mental anguish was so strong and I could just hear my Mom's voice in my head telling me "You're worthless!" "You're so stupid!" Then my voice chimed in and went on about how much of a worthless piece of shit I am. That I can't do anything right. Why do I even bother trying? You're so stupid. In between gasps for air, I began to Google "quick and painless ways to kill yourself". The only thing I read that sounded reasonable was taking a lot of Nyquil. When I went back to the search engine, I came across an article pretty much saying "don't do it. you're loved." blah blah blah. Then the numbers for the suicide helpline appeared and I thought about calling them. I didn't because I didn't want to be a burden.

I just had constant thoughts of slitting my wrists (Never have and will never do that) and just dropping to the floor or ODing on meds (I did that once. Wouldn't recommend). I even thought about driving to a parking garage to try the carbon monoxide method but decided against that because I was too lazy to drive (ha!) Death just sounded so much better than being alive. To be honest, I think about dying every day. I don't think about killing myself every day, but I constantly ask "why can't I just die already?" Or I say "I wish I was dead." Most days, I think being dead would be a vacation compared to being on this Earth. Being dead would be easier than living this life. Just to be clear, I would never kill myself because I'm too scared to do it, I just think about it.

Anyway, I became so dehydrated from crying that I nearly fainted. Gavin found me and became frantic, asking "What's wrong?!" and kept hugging me. He tried so hard to console me and slow down my breathing to stop hyperventilating. Now, anyone who has ever hyperventilated knows that it's not just something you can easily stop and come back from. From my perspective, when it was taking me time to calm down, he seemed to become impatient with me because he said, "You're being dramatic. I'm going to leave the room and come back when you calm down." This made me burst into tears and start up again because it was so hurtful and insensitive to say, especially when I thought maybe he would have been understanding in that moment. I just don't understand how anyone could say that to another after seeing how hard they were crying just minutes ago.

It's frustrating because I needed someone there to just talk me down and tell me things are ok, to ride out the wave with me for however long it took. Maybe I'm the one who is selfish. Maybe I expect too much. My problem is that I expect people to act as how I would. I just know that if the roles were reversed, I would do my research as to how to console someone during an episode to avoid saying anything that can be thought of as insensitive.

Being in any type of relationship with a person who suffers from this disorder, romantically or not, requires a lot of patience and support. Please be that person. We don't want you to leave. We sincerely do not enjoy this life.

#borderline personality disorder #manic episodes #mental illness

0 notes

phantom-witch · 2 years ago

Text

Phantom's Finished: Doki Doki Literature Club!+

DISCLAIMER: This is specifically about the Side Stories new to the console release, as that is basically its own game and I am unable to play the base game. Furthermore, it was through my partner @shioripresents so I didn't have to play the base game due to triggers! No Meta/Psychedelic horror triggers but there IS...

TW: Suicide Mention, Self-Hate, Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression (brief mention of derealisation but I don't go into it)

A year ago, I would have never imagined playing this game! I had a very bad experience when I was 13 and this game was EVERYWHERE online. As to be honest, I was myself Suicidal at the time (and still struggle with Suicidal thoughts today)

And to be quite honest, I am not too keen on the base game still. I respect the reason others love it, but it triggers my derealisation and suicidal ideation quite easily. So low and behold when I met my to be girlfriend, Shiori! And wow she loved this game and I always had respect for it but wasn't ready for it to be discussed loads. Overtime, we've grown closer and closer the past 9 months (especially the 6 months we've been together) and I felt I wanted something to get closer to my partner and understand her better...

And I can happily say I do.

These side stories are some of the best writing of mental health I've seen since Celeste that it makes me wish this was what the game always was! I genuinely think of this totally differently to the original games' main story, to the point I feel they made this out of respect to those hurt by the popularity of the og game. My only gripe is that you HAVE to play the base game to get these, which my partner luckily already had unlocked

But back to the game in question! This game goes through chapters focused around 2 of the main 4 characters that ties into a theme linked with their mental health. This felt really needed and I love the characterisation of Sayori, Monika, Yuri and Natuski which was really needed. The smile on my face or even the amount of times it was too relatable hit extremely hard! Huge recommendation to experiencing this side story if you can

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT:

This will be going into detail about each characters individually and showing spoiler art from the side stories!

Due to this, there will be a lot more mentions of the TW mentioned at the top so please keep that in mind, look after yourself first! Okay? Okay!

Sayori!

Sayori is the one I easily connected with the most, who is given such a lovely adorable personality that rubs off on everyone around her! When she first meets Monika during the clubs early days, she really helps with everything in the club and shows such enthusiasm and initiative. However, my favourite element of her is the "bad side" of her as she describes...

Sayori has depression, and also has to deal with Suicidal thoughts quite a lot. She hides this as she's afraid of how she will be treated by others and uses poems to represent these thoughts as she otherwise can't

For example:

Monika is the one to discover this (how she handles it I will get to with her section) and Sayori completely breaks in such a realistic way... and is finally able to just talk about her thoughts. How she feels like a burden worrying people, wanting to help others over helping herself, but... also dealing with thoughts she can't control, making her feel she doesn't deserve to be alive. That she should take herself away from the world, and that she would be better off gone...

I know this too well, as I've dealt with Suicidal thoughts myself, I still do. The position Sayori is was where I was a few years ago and I'm still early on to my recovery. I'm okay being honest about that here as to review the mental health I need to talk about my own 💙 Which Sayori's representation hits very close to home in a very realistic way, to the point that she portrays herself as happy and bubbly! Monika supports her so well here and gives Sayori what she needs and we see Sayori be the most vulnerable, completely empty expression and struggling with her mind. I was in tears at this scene because I felt like I finally understood something about myself!

But that's not all! She learns and grows so much in trying to support Yuri and then Natsuki later on. With Yuri, Sayori supports her a lot and we see Sayori really trying her best to help Yuri feel included and really sweetly comforts her and shows how kind and thoughtful Sayori is. With Natsuki she has to learn the opposite! Where she needs to give people space and once she realises, does everything she can to make it right and understand. It's really sweet how determined she is whilst also showing she isn't "better" after the first chapter as she still puts people before her. Even in a chapter not focused on her, she helps Natsuki understand Yuri by talking about how she struggles with her own head...

I love Sayori, she is my favourite and I really appreciate how she represents those with depression and suicidal thoughts well

Yuri!

Moving forward, I won't be as in depth as I have a lot to say on my personal experiences linked to Sayori, so I'll be more concise! Yuri is a very reserved yet passionate character who clearly struggles a lot around other people. She is shown to feel she's being selfish when she really isn't. She struggles interpreting other's feeling and is what I would call extremely Autistic coded! She has a massive breakdown over-worrying about bothering Sayori about her books only for Sayori to comfort her and for Yuri to explain how used to being considered "the weird one" which hit me close to home too. I only recently found the people that cared for what I loved!

There's also how she and Natsuki needs to connect, and Monika tries to help but Yuri feels like she keeps saying the wrong thing...

Monika supports her to help speak in her own way, as Yuri learns how to express herself differently due to her struggles with communication. It's really good as it doesn't have Yuri "fix" herself with how she struggles and instead find alternatives to manage better, which I really like!

I would get into the obvious "Self-Love" chapter, but that requires me to talk a lot about Natsuki, so I'll mention that in her section! Yuri is a really sweet personality that's also completely different from the og game and I find that for the better, as I think her writing was super problematic. She deserves the world and I loved her characterisation

Natsuki!

Going into this, I didn't expect to care at all for Natsuki! She always came off as bitchy or a very... certain anime trope beginning with L in the og game.

Here they surprised me as Natsuki is misjudged by Monika and how she overtime has to set boundaries whilst communicating them healthily with Monica, Sayori and then Yuri. I feel Sayori was important for her to begin learning how to communicate this as Sayori always wishes the best for her friends. But, we see how consistently made fun of Natsuki has been made fun of for her love of Manga

This leads me with what I left out in Yuri's section, the final standard side story "Self-Love". This shows the aftermath of Yuri trying to communicate better, and how Natsuki has been coming to terms with her previous friend group being extremely toxic for her as they don't understand or respect her needs. I heavily felt this story due to how I've been in this situation with friends/friend groups too many times. (if anyone of those people ever read this, no hate, just from my personal perspective and experience) Yuri and Natsuki chill together each lunch and grow closer, as we learn more about Natsuki's group and how Yuri dislikes how they treat her. At first Natsuki dislikes the comment but then realises how bad this group is for her. It scares her, going into how it's "just apart of my life" and how "its hard to just lose that". Eventually, Natsuki decides to cut them off, bringing cupcakes for Yuri as she feels it's the only thing she can do to prove her worth. After Yuri says she doesn't want all of them, Natsuki breaks down after admitting she split up with her group. It's a full on panic attack which I went through too in a similar situation. Yuri realises and all worry shuts off just so she can help Natsuki stabilise herself.

She makes it clear to Natsuki that she doesn't need to serve a purpose to prove her worth to others, and anyone that made you think that doesn't deserve you around. I had to breathe as I was reading this whilst I reflected on some things here, as this was a powerful moment that meant a lot to me, now more than ever. Natsuki was a lot more complexed than I thought firsthand, and represented panic attacks and lack of self worth so well

Monika!

Monika is weird for me, as she is similar to Yuri where she is nothing like the og game, except to an even more extreme. Monika is a lot more human and actually... a character?? See it's so weird to talk about her as I can't help but be baffled by how different it is to have this Monika!

That being said, I really like Monika here! She is super focused on making the club the best it can be, which she learns more about as she meets everyone. Sayori helps her learn about how this club can be help for those to understand their own emotions after supporting Sayori's depression. She fully understands and supports Sayori's needs after discovering a poem clearly hinting towards what Sayori goes through, and comforts her and tells her how much meaning to this world she has without worrying or treating her differently. This in turn also helps Monika grow out of her perfectionism to express her own feelings more over the course of the side stories. Then Natsuki helps her learn past her own biases and be a more considerate and understanding person, even pushing herself to learn the piano. Yuri helps Monika to learn she can't fix everything and has to learn to either step back or approach things differently to support everyone better!

She really cares about making a club for others to feel a place to belong in, and grows so much through the game as it recontextualises the one thing I liked about the og game: "Your Reality" This song, whilst originally meta, was so beautifully contextualised to mean more about one's own heart and using writing and expression to learn more about yourself through the good and the bad times.

"The ink flows down into the dark colours Just move your hand, write the way into your heart"

This side story was everything to me as I was able to spend time with my girlfriend... Thank you Shiori

#doki doki literature club #game review #review #doki doki literature club plus #sayori #monika #natsuki #yuri #ddlc #visual novel

5 notes · View notes

the28thofseptemberr · 4 years ago

Text

helloooo!! i didn't do a fic rec last month because i was so busy with my exams and barely had time to read, so this month's post is going to comprise of mostly fics i've read in june but also some i've read in may.

thank you to all of the incredible writers, please go support them!! and remember to read all of the tags and possible warnings before reading the fic! here is the list of fics (mostly below the cut):

read

•° — led by your beating heart by @missandrogyny 29.4k | E | famous harry/non-famous louis

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any help right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

note: this was so funny and cute and well written, and everyone was characterized so perfectly!! i adored the chemistry between louis and harry, this fic kept me smiling for the whole time while i was reading <3

•° — sounds like love to me by @neondiamond 14.6k | G | kid fic

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?”

Louis watches as Harry’s face falls with the realization that this is one of those things he won’t be able to experience. For a second, Louis considers saying no, to show Harry they’re truly on the same boat through all of this. But he nods in the end, reaching over for Harry’s hand as the doctor flips a switch. Noise fills the room then, and it takes a few seconds for the sound to become clear enough for Louis to make out the baby’s fast heartbeat.

“It’s really fast,” he voices his thoughts out loud as he uses his thumb to tap against the back of Harry’s hand, replicating the rapid rhythm of the baby’s heartbeat. It takes the younger man a little while to figure out what Louis’ doing, but a huge grin breaks out on his face as soon as he does.

“Is that them?” He signs with the other hand, his own eyes starting to tear up when Louis nods.

OR: Harry is deaf, Louis is pregnant. They figure it out.

note: i'm not a fan of mpreg or kid fics in general, but i stumbled across the fic post for this on my dash and the summary sounded really intriguing to me, so i had a go at reading and it did not disappoint!! it was really sweet and fluffy but also so touching and heartbreaking in some parts. plus, i really enjoyed how harry and louis worked together and supported each other.

•° — this restless dream by @afirethatcannotdie 5.6k | NR | first meetings

“Hiii, I called earlier about the dogs?” he asks, taking a few steps closer to the desk where Louis is standing. He’s taller than Louis, with a dimple when he smiles and bright green eyes. There's a cute eagerness about his whole presence. “Do you have any puppies?” He’s a bit like a puppy himself, actually.

AU. Louis works at an animal shelter and Harry wants a puppy. Things don't go quite according to plan.

note: this was so so adorable and soft, especially since i have a soft spot for h&l with pets. i also have a soft spot for h&l being oblivious lovesick idiots and this was perfect!!

•° — all i see is you, lately by @runaway-train-works 2k | G | first meetings

Harry noticed him for the first time three months ago. He couldn’t not, really, what with the man being so pretty and all, and Harry remembers it well because it was three days before his birthday and he had joked to himself that seeing someone so gorgeous for three days on the trot must be an early present from the Gods.

The one where Harry has a crush on a fellow commuter.

note: this one was quite short but so sweet and perfect and lovely!!

•° — the things i'd do to wake up next to you by orphan_account 36.1k | M | amnesia fic

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

note: this fic was incredible, i'm always up for an amnesia fic and this one was heart-breaking and realistic but also sweet and fluffy as well :)

•° — this glorious mess by theweightofmywords 14.2k | M | post-breakup

His head lolls to the side, and his eyes float open to focus on what used to be his bedside table.

It’s empty now, devoid of the framed photo of the two of them. And Louis knows that he has no right to feel hurt, but somehow, this only confirms what this really is.

“This is the last time,” he cries, his voice breaking both from pleasure and pain.

“I know, baby,” Harry breathes, burying his face in Louis neck.

note: this is the third mpreg-centric fic i've read this month and... i don't even like mpreg?? but god the premise of this fic intrigued me so much, and it was lovely and emotional and beautifully written.

•° — BLAH BLAH BLAH there's a moment you know (you're f*cked) by @mercurial-madhouse 3.2k | M | spy au

Anyone impulsive enough to betray their country is either foolish or overly-confident. Louis’s too cunning for the former. So his inflated ego tips precariously close to the edge between pride and hubris. In sum: He may be an expert, (as proven by the .32-cal Beretta Alleycat Harry found strapped to his back) but ex-agent Louis Tomlinson will explode like a busted bullet misfiring in a broken gunbarrel if Harry can find his trigger.

___

Or, the spy AU in which Harry thinks he's prepared to meet Louis only to find he's not.

note: the banter and tension in this fic was so good and so fun!! i need moreee

•° — every lonely place by @ham-palpert 38k | E | time travel/alternate lives fic

Facing the fact that he’s been prioritizing his career over his relationship, Harry proposes to his longtime boyfriend Louis on a whim. But when yet another work emergency takes precedence over their plans, Louis decides he’s had enough. Harry goes to bed drunk and alone, and when he wakes, he finds himself in an entirely different world. Over and over again, Harry visits a lifetime he’s once lived, across time and dimensions. And wherever there’s a Harry Styles, there’s a Louis Tomlinson.

note: this was such a unique fic! and such an emotional one too, love the message it sends and the character arc and development was so good

•° — tick-tock by bubblegumclouds 6k | G | soulmate au

When Louis was born to Jay Tomlinson with a tiny 2 years on his clock, it starts the most beautiful love story. Even if things are missed, fate finds a way to make it work.

note: this was just so, so cute and fluffy and sweet! i loved it

•° — baby baby, you're a caramel macchiato by @missandrogyny 3.2k | T | coffee shop au

So, yeah, Harry doesn't think it's that far of a stretch to call himself a good barista. There are some particularly bad ones, and some particularly good ones, and, with his work ethic, his skill, and his charm, he'd probably be lumped in with the latter group.

note: this was so lovely, and i especially really loved the little section talking about louis' name and how it suits him!

re-read

•° — one shines brighter by @afirethatcannotdie 11.8k | T | wedding fic

“Hi, baby. You doing anything fun today?” Harry shrugs. “Dunno. Thought I’d see how I was feeling before making any plans.” “You wanna get married?” Louis asks. Harry’s face breaks into a smile, and he nods. Louis’ lips are just brushing Harry’s when Gemma appears in the hallway. “You two are in so much trouble.” Harry's wedding was never supposed to be the happiest day of his life. No, that was going to be the day after, when he finally got to start his marriage. Unfortunately his family (and Louis) have other ideas.

Featuring a pair of moms who only want the best for their kids, meddling sisters with too much time on their hands, and a groom who gets caught up in the fairytale.

note: i adore this fic!! it's so so so adorable and so soft and well written, and you can feel how in love h&l are with each other. so so good!

my own fics

•° — under your bed in new york 33.4k | T | exes to lovers

"We know you're still in love with Harry."

Louis' nostrils flared up. "I'm not—"

"Louis."

"I'm not!"

there are many things louis likes to tell himself. we broke up for a reason. it's been so many years. and of course, the classic: i’ve definitely moved on from him. but when he suddenly finds harry back in his life after three years, louis realizes he might be a little less moved on than he thought.

au; spilling coffee onto an ex, being set up on dates, and having a nosy puppy might be all louis needs to find love again

note: i didn't actually write or publish this one this month, but i did edit, revamp and make a fic post for it this month so i thought i'd put it in here anyway. reblog the fic post here!

#28th appreciation #tracksintheam #trackinghome #hl source #1d source #fic rec #my fic rec #2021 recs #fic list #june rec #june 2021 rec #*#sched

39 notes · View notes

telli-talks · 5 years ago

Text

Movie Review: ◄Tall Girl►

Netflix

After years of slouching through life, 6-foot-1 teen Jodi resolves to conquer her insecurities and gets caught up in a high school love triangle.

Rated TV-PG, this movie, released in 2019, is 1 hour and 42 minutes long.

Trigger topics include:

Bullying

Car Accident

Cheating (Relationship)

Doctors/Medical

ED, warning

Knives

Violence (Physical)

I couldn't decide what I wanted to do today; so I decided to watch Netflix. Then I couldn't decide what I wanted to watch on netflix; so I went to new releases, scrolled and picked whatever my finger landed on.

It turned out to be Tall Girl, the movie that people have been talking about since it came out in September. Well, a promise is a promise, and this promise was to watch whatever my finger landed on... so, here goes nothing.

I have so many problems with this movie it's not even funny anymore.

1) Date me, I'm a nice guy. I've been your friend forever. Date me. Date me DATE ME. Seriously? Dude, if you can't take no for an answer how are you ever going to deal with every other no you get in life. Take the answer and accept if. Like if I was being bugged by you every single day for the same exact reason I'd get suspended from school for punhing you in the face. She gave you her answer. Now leave her alone!

2) What, I'm not good enough to date you? You have some sort of magic checklist that I'm supposed to hit before you'll date me? Seriously, we've been firends for years; just date me! Shut the fuck up, would you?! She has a right to be specific for whom she wan'ts to date. Leave her the fuck alone. Give up, she's not interested. No means no, for a damn good reason.

3)Jodie, your fucking parents wanna drug you so you won't be growing taller, like what the fuck? That's some serious bullshit red flags right there and that doctor should have seriously reported this. Doctor patient confidnentiality only goes so far as to not cover the fact that something like 'can we stunt my daughtpr's growth' is a serously dangerously possible thing and can and will cause lifelong consequences. But hey... it could be worse right? (psch- bad is bad, it doesn't matter the reason)

4) Ok, you're tall. We get it. But there's more problems you could be having than idk having to wear size 13 men's nikes. Like oh I don't know. We are on the brink of World War 3... or Ausrailia is on fire. Hey, yeah your parents wanted to drug you as a child so you wouldnt be tall; but at least your parents didn't actually illegally drug you becasue they had no idea how to handle you as a small child with ADHD... Yes, your problems are valid; but do you know just how many people would kill to be as tall as you are. I can tell you this for certain. As gay as I am, a tall girl giving me attention would fuk me up on all sorts of levels of yes please.

5) Have you ever given any thought to your sister as well? Its mentioned that she's been doing beauty pagents from 6 years of age. Did she decide she wanted to do them? Bcause like from what I know its usually because the mother chooses to put the child intho the pagentry. It is also mentioned that the mother used to do pagents. Also can we please talk about how they're eating dinner while Harper has to try on dresses for the pagent? Whose idea was this?

6) Has a suprise like 'oh we're the host familyfor the girl you're crushing on's crush' ever been a good idea? Much less 'suprise we're a host family'? LIke yeah, it's coo to be the one to introduce someone to new things but not if there's already tension, not to mention the fact that they're teenager. Suprises are generally never going to be a good idea.

7) 'If you see me eating carbs, I need you to slap me across the face.' Yeah becasue that's not going to hurt anyone who already sees themseles in a bad light. 'Man I look fat on camera' IS ALREADY VERY SLENDER. Like wtf is wrong with poeple. This is how you get body dysmorphia. This is how you get eating disorders. THIS IS HOW YOUR HAVE A TEENAGER IN THE HOSPIATL WITH A FAILING HEART BECAUSE THEY STARVED THEMSELVES INTO ARRYTHMIA AND NOW THEY NEED A TRANSPLANT. FUcking societal norms and whats to be expected.

8) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOONE NEEDS TO MAKE POTTERY LIKE THAT OK

9) Are you seriously trying to learn how to throw knives using a blown up photo of your competition? That..... seriously can't be healthy. Please, get some therapy. I'm begging you.

10) Makeover montage... yay. Because if you want a boy to like you going outside of your bounderies as who you are as a person is the way to go. Really? Are we trying to teach people that to make others like you you need to become someone you're not. I don't like this lesson.

11) Bullying. Seriously? Fuck that.

12) Fareeda is seriously the best character of this entire movie. Hands fucking down.

13) urghhhhhhhh this has all the chile's and they're not even good here like. Girl hiding from enemies accidently runs into the guy she likes? Musical duet, with paino and singing. A Love song at that, I means eriously. Com'on.

14) Your dad is trying so hard to make you being tall be a normal thing, that it's doing the exact opposite and having a detrimental effect instead.

15) Oof. Ok I know that Jack has like the worst crush and iit's really quite bad and i'm not ok with it.but being turned down that hard must've hit him right in the heart. Oof.

16) You might not like the girl... BUT YOU DONT BREAK THE CODE OF SISTERHOOD. Never kiss a taken person! That is wrong on all sorts of levels.

17) I KNOW YOU'RE A PAGENT QUEEN BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP HARMING YOURSELF AND START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!

18) And then you have to go and slap your sister?! I mean yes she told you to, but i doubt she actually meant it. Also like never slap your siblings period. Youre teenagers, its time to act like youve learned what words are and to use them.

19) Ouch dude. But like... seriously... this is still not cool. From either of you. PS. you're starting to get creepy.

20) I don't even know what is going on anymore, I'm so confused. ...reminds me of my time in high school.

21) Ouch...

22) Oh yay... high school drama. Now I'm glad this is a) a movie and b) not my social life in high school

23) ... ooookay thennnnnnnn...

24) Teenagers and their idea of relationships. This is not how you do commitment.

25) But this is however how you do sisterly relationships.

26) Sooooooooooo not how you do relationships.

27) Dad points.

28) You don't go into a sleeping person's bedroom.

29) WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?!

30) THIS IS WHY YOU DONT GO INTO A SLEEPING PERSON'S BEDROOM AND THEN TOUCH THEM!

31) This apology is acceptable to me.

32) Oh holy shit...

33) DANCE TIME... aka makeover montage

34) YAY Popularity Contests!

35) Nice slide outta the way there Harper.

36) Now that's one way to get everyone's attention.

37) Best apology out of the whole movie.

38) Fucking vibe check the whole dance there. Fuck yeah,

39) I'm not rooting for this guy. Just yeet him to the curb.

40) Jodi, really?

41) HECK YEAH JODI!

42) Ok.... DID NOT SEE THAT PART COMING

43) More smooching. This time all parties enjoy it.

44) Ok... I guess that ending wasnt too terrible.

The list aside. I suppose taking everything into consideration the movie wasn't too terribly bad. It's not something that I would nessesarily watch again... or pick as soemthing to watch in the first place. It's just a bit too cliche high school love triangle. I couldn't really find myself enjoying certain parts of the movie due to the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

#telli-talks #tall girl #netflix #movie #movie review #netlfix movie #tall girl netflix #tall girl movie #cw ed #cw medical abuse #cw doctors #cw: medical #cw: car accident #cw: knives #cw: bullying

1 note · View note

stressedspidergirlsfandomblog · 6 years ago

Text

Pt16

(Hints of citrus. More technical & discussions around consent. No action beyond pg-13)

Forgot an overnight bag.