#ONE-sensei?! i saw that image weeks ago and somehow never noticed it was drawn by him

[questioninglogic]

Mob Psycho 100 III End Cards

[embaasan-blog]

Skin Ch. 8 - Seeing Stars (Sousuke/Kouhai Fanfic)

Fandom: Notice Me Senpai Rating: Mature Summary: Sousuke and Hinata have always been inseparable - as two halves to a whole, they have shared everything - from the grief at their mother’s disappearance to the face that belongs to them both. But the two of them are starved for attention and when their elite school opens its gates to the first female student in its history, the two of them are drawn in by her girlish charm. Now piqued against each other, Sousuke is left tormented and grappling with promises he can no longer keep, while Hinata’s virtuous facade is slipping, to reveal an increasingly warped mind. Notes: I know I only put the last chapter up a couple of days ago but I wanted to get this out while I could... My weekends have been so busy lately! As always, enjoy this installment and if, like me, you prefer AO3 for reading, the story is also available there.

| Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight |

The world began to spin frantically with Sousuke at the center, bending his vision and turning the scene into a dizzying kaleidoscope. Everything was moving so slowly. Sprawled on her knees and clutching her own mouth was Kouhai-chan, trembling beneath the towering figure in front of her. Blood trickled from her fist and each tooth was dyed in streaks of crimson.

“Hinata!” Sousuke roared, pouncing at his brother.

The twins crashed into the nearest wall, spinning in the fray and becoming one. As they wrestled for dominance it became more difficult to tell them apart or determine which one had the edge over the other. Hinata was frail but impassioned, fighting back furiously with every last ounce of energy he had. The grin on his face was sadistic; his eyes were wide with unmasked hysteria; and his hair, now thin and lifeless, fell around his face chaotically, giving him the impression of a wild animal. Hinata was gone - so far gone that Sousuke hesitated as he tried to restrain him, wondering whether or not to hit back. That split-second hesitation was all Hinata had needed to fling his younger brother onto the ground, where he leaped onto him and began pummeling with all his might.

Sousuke could only defend himself. Every time he tried to raise his fist, he was gripped with guilt so consuming that images began to flash through his mind of the night that his father had broken his ribs.

“Stop this, Hinata!” he yelled, grabbing his brother’s wrists, “You’re insane!”

To his left, he saw Kouhai-chan stand, her face a mask of determination. She ran down the corridor towards the faculty room. Sousuke could hear footsteps and doors opening around them. The few people left in the school, unafraid of the incoming downpour, were coming to see what was going on.

“This is all your fault!” Hinata wailed. “I heard you! I know that you love her!”

Sousuke froze, letting Hinata slip from his grasp. He began to slap at Sousuke’s chest pathetically, a sob escaping his mouth.

“I just want to go back to normal,” Sousuke said calmly. His jaw was beginning to throb painfully.

“We can never go back to normal!” Hinata shrieked with frenzied eyes dancing all over Sousuke’s baffled face. “You betrayed me!”

Hinata grabbed Sousuke’s head and smashed it against the wooden floorboards. It rattled Sousuke’s brain and, half delirious, he had a vision that he was being beaten by himself. He vision wavered with the onset of pained tears, making Hinata appear like his own reflection in a dirty mirror. Nausea bubbled up in his stomach and his skull felt like it was being wrenched apart.

“Stop…” Sousuke croaked, twisting his body from beneath Hinata in agony.

Hinata cackled ominously. The sound of footsteps was getting louder now; there was a drove coming, from the direction of the faculty office, accompanied by orders to stay away.

“I know everything,” said the sinister whisper close to Sousuke’s ear. “Everything. If I can’t have her, nobody can. I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”

Suddenly, someone was dragging Hinata by the collar, wrenching him away from Sousuke. His body became as rigid and pliable as a rag-doll, with his arms swinging limply by his sides in a show of perfect vulnerability. Small, mouse-like noises of protest emanated from his lips.

“Sousuke-kun, are you okay?” someone asked from behind him. He realized he was being lifted up by Haruka-sensei, whose palpable concern increased tenfold when Sousuke stared at him incoherently with bleary eyes. He was laughing bitterly and maniacally.

“I couldn’t hit him back,” he chortled. “I just froze up every time. Isn’t that pathetic?”

Viktor was emotionally drained. No, it was worse than that. He was emotionally exhausted. He was beginning to think it would be nice to never have to think or feel again: to let go of his humanity and become a shell. That afternoon had wormed its way into his head and left its scornful offspring to feed off his brain. Guilt and despair were sucking him dry. The sight of Sousuke, bloody and concussed, was returning to him again and again in bright, undulating flashes like a circling lighthouse beam, shining in through the windows of his eyes. Could he have stopped it from happening? He hadn’t looked passed Sousuke’s need for a confidant; instead of listening, he should have been taking action.

Maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a teacher after all.

He dropped his face into his hands, sighing wearily for the hundredth time. Through parted fingers, he could see Kyouya, blank and ashen-faced, clutching an unmoving pen poised on blank paper. Viktor’s heart fluttered with longing. All he wanted was to melt into his lean body and find comfort. Kyouya would tell him that he was a great teacher; that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent what happened. He was a good man like that. How anyone could stifle their own emotions for the sake of others, even when they were equally as affected, was a mystery to Viktor, but the man in front of him was able to do it somehow. It was one of the reasons he loved him.

Viktor had been the first to arrive at the scene of the scuffle after Kouhai-chan burst in, tears streaming and face bloodied. Kyouya had ordered her to sit at his desk while Haruka fussed with her - at this point Viktor was already out in the corridor. Her voice carried through the hall after him, shrieking:

“For god’s sake, both of you! Help Sousuke-senpai!”

The first thing he had done was try to restrain Hinata as quickly as he could, but even with the perpetrator in his grasp, Viktor’s focus was jostled when he saw Sousuke. It was the sight of him, so unsteady on his feet, that had jarred Viktor once and for all. He felt pangs in his chest when he realized that his relationship with him had built to that of a bond between an uncle and nephew. Brave, chivalrous Sousuke, who hadn’t lifted a finger to Hinata and yet taken everything he had to give. It just wasn’t fair.

Hinata was now sat in the corner of the faculty room on a wooden chair with his palms held upright, humming to himself disconcertingly. His eyes were awfully focused on Kyouya for some reason. Viktor couldn’t look any longer; his thoughts were an scattered mess. Sousuke never mentioned that Hinata knew and yet… No, Viktor was going to trust his gut instinct this time: Hinata knew about the illicit relationship between Kyouya and Kouhai-chan. He had to know.

Haruka had hurried both Sousuke and Kouhai-chan to the infirmary before either of them could be spoken to. The former seemed to be suffering from a slight concussion, while the latter had only been hit once and had bitten the inside of his cheek so hard that she sprayed blood all over herself as a result. Apart from the slight bruise that was emerging along her cheekbone, she was more or less fine, and as soon as Haruka had cleaned her up she went about tending to Sousuke in a matronly manner while Viktor swallowed his own concern and ambled towards the faculty room where Kyouya had taken Hinata into detention.

“This is grounds for suspension, Hinata-kun,” Kyouya said wearily, putting his pen down and lying back in his chair.

“Mm,” Hinata responded, uninterested.

The two teachers exchanged anxious glances at each other.

“Is something happening at home?” Viktor asked with trepidation.

He knew that Sousuke-kun had moved out of the family home and in with his cousin. He had also alluded to some violence that had taken place which had debilitated him enough to see him miss months of archery training, but had begged Viktor not to get involved any further. They agreed that any information which was imparted would be taken as a friend speaking to another friend, rather than a student speaking to a teacher. Viktor began to regret that he had made this promise.

Hinata’s gaze drifted over Viktor’s jaded face for a moment, and then he shrugged.

“Nothing noteworthy,” he mumbled.

Viktor paused. “Sousuke-kun may have mentioned that he is no longer living with you and your father. That sounds pretty noteworthy to me.”

Hinata gritted his teeth. “It’s not noteworthy,” he responded condescendingly. “It’s all Sousuke’s fault.”

Kyouya gave him a puzzled look. He then sighed with finality, flexed his fingers and began hammering away at the computer keyboard in front of him.

“This is an elite school and your family are paying a lot of money for you to be here. Don’t think that this is going to excuse you from what you have done. Unfortunately I can’t punish you any more than I would punish anyone else for fighting, even if you did choose to pick on a girl. In fact, my actions are probably going to come under scrutiny considering your recent circumstances. I’m going to suspend you for the rest of the week and after that we will put you on a reduced timetable. I’m emailing your father now.”

Hinata stared out the window with a dead-eyed expression during Kyouya’s speech, honing in on the dark, wintry sky.

“That’s fine,” he responded dully.

The synthetic light of the faculty room made the boy’s skin appear translucent and his pupils had shriveled to half their normal size under its glare. Viktor shuddered.

Kouhai-chan lived in a modest apartment block, a short walk away from the school, which in turn was situated just on the outskirts of the city center. Although it appeared dingy from the outside, Sousuke felt himself shrouded in maternal warmth as soon as he entered. Her grandmother’s orderly shrine was situated against a windowless wall and her belongings still crowded the kitchen tops: antique teapots complete with floral tea bowls and ancient cookbooks, published long before Sousuke had even been born. Kouhai-chan headed straight for this area, flicking a switch on the wall and filling up the kettle, breathing a heavy sigh as she did so.

“Do you ever drink coffee?” she asked over her shoulder.

“Sometimes,” he responded, crouching in front of the television.

“I think now is the best time for it.”

Sousuke cradled his head in his hands while her back was turned, brushing his fingers through his dark hair. Everything was bathed in a gentle haze. He had hit his head far harder than he initially thought and Kouhai-chan had dragged him to her apartment to make sure that he didn’t fall asleep, which was exactly what he wanted to do in that moment. He was no longer seeing stars, but his mind felt hollow and soft like unmolded clay. It was frustrating.

He handed him a mug and he took it gratefully in both hands, bringing it to his lips and blowing at the rising steam.

“I’m sorry for making you come here,” she said softly, taking a seat next to him.

He felt the hairs stand up on his arms with her in such close proximity. His thoughts weren’t coherent but his body was reacting normally which was a small relief. The television played at a low volume, but for a while it was all either of them could hear as they drank the strong, hot coffee in silence.

“I’m sorry about Hinata,” Sousuke finally said.

When he looked at her, he saw the bruise that was darkening along her cheekbone where his brother had punched her. It was like a relic of her ties with the twins, just as much part of him as it was Hinata. He could have prevented it, he thought to himself. Stepping in and taking a beating just wasn’t good enough. He should have been there from the onset; he should have tracked Hinata’s movements.

“It’s not your fault,” she replied kindly.

“How can you say that? I’ve told you a million times, he’s my responsibility. I keep running away and hiding from the facts, but-”

“Listen, I can’t even make a connection between you and Hinata any more,” she interrupted suddenly. “Okay?”

He blinked at her, uncertainly. Seconds passed, only marred by the sound of raucous laughter emerging from the television.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” she paused. “I mean at first I saw you as two halves of one whole. Like yin and yang. I guess you get that a lot, but, you know, it’s hard not to look at it that way. At first, you both looked so similar, but…”

Her voice trailed off as she stared into her mug.

“He looks so insane now. And the two of you act so differently. I have so much reason to suspect you and hate you but you seem so sincere. Lost almost… like you don’t know what to do. Like you’re on a sinking ship or something. It’s just not fair. I got weird vibes from him at the beginning; most of the other guys don’t know how to take him either. And you blame yourself for that. How can you? You were both children when your mother left.”

Sousuke blinked. “He told you about that?”

“Soujiro did.”

Sousuke stared at the television screen thoughtfully. It was a lot to process; even though she had explained it as simply and specifically as she possibly could, he couldn’t seem to bolt it down. The information was like an insect buzzing around his head.

“Can I ask you a question?” he suddenly said, turning back to her.

She nodded.

“Why Kyouya-sensei?”

Kouhai-chan frowned slightly. “Well, it happened when you were off school. He was driving me home when I shut the café in the evenings and we got talking. I don’t know. Something just clicked. He’d touch my shoulder and I’d just want to shrivel up and die because I was so embarrassed. Then one day he just turned to me out of nowhere and told me to hurry up and graduate. You wouldn’t believe how many nights I lost sleep trying to work out what that meant. He was just there you know. That’s all I can ask.”

She sighed, placing the mug between them and folding her arms over her legs.

“I feel like I’m always waiting on people. Always chasing them. My friends at middle school forgot about me because I couldn’t spend time with them any more. I never knew my dad and I was always trying to track him down to build a relationship. With sensei everything was easy, apart from the whole having to keep it secret. He’d be the one waiting for me at night while I locked up. But to be perfectly honest, it’s just the same all over again except in reverse. I want someone in my life like my grandmother, someone that I can meet in the middle. Does that answer your question?”

He nodded and she smiled fondly at him.

“Now can I ask you one? Why were you off school for three weeks?”

“My dad found out I’d been skipping archery. I ended up with broken ribs.”

“Oh,” she breathed.

“It wasn’t a big deal. There’s nothing a doctor can do so you’ve just got to wait for them to heal by themselves.”

He laughed sardonically.

“I have a habit lately of getting beaten up by my family members,” he said. “I’m sorry you had to see it this time.”

Sousuke looked into his mug, which by now was drained of coffee with the exception of the milky dregs at the bottom. He swirled them around absentmindedly. Somehow hitting his head off the floorboards had crumbled the walls in his mind and he was talking honestly with her without minding much. Rather than shame, he felt deep down that he should feel ashamed, yet wasn’t. Suddenly a hand appeared in his line of vision, removing the mug from his grasp and placing it beside the one on the floor. Kouhai-chan moved closer, her eyes brimming with tears.

“I’m sorry,” she was whispering, her face fraught with the sudden realization, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

Sousuke was stunned as she crawled between his legs and pressed herself up against his chest, holding onto him tightly, as if she expected him to push her away. Feeling unsure of himself, he wrapped his arms around her slowly, murmuring into her hair.

“It’s okay,” he said, unable to hide the surprise in his voice. “I didn’t tell you.”

“You missed archery to watch the café for me,” she sobbed. Her voice was muffled by his chest.

He took the bruised side of her face in his hand tenderly, feeling like a bag of nerves but desperate to placate her somehow. She touched the back of his hand in response, relief mingled with her distress.

“I wouldn’t have had to do anything if it wasn't for Hinata, okay?”

She sniffed, gazing up into his eyes. The tracks of her tears could be traced all the way down to her delicately pointed chin. Where these tears were from, he couldn't be sure. All he knew was that he hated seeing her cry and twice in one day was killing him.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked suddenly.

Sousuke's face drained of colour as he looked down at her. He struggled to comprehend what she had said, yet understood the gravity of it right away. He found himself nodding, numbly.

Her tongue tasted metallic from the blood that she had washed away with mouthfuls of water in the infirmary and the gauze on her cheek as he stroked it peeled away under his hand. Normally one to channel strength and vitality, she was a trembling wreck in his arms, stroking his torso with shaking fingertips, giving herself to him entirely. So this was what kissing her felt like, he thought to himself, brushing her soft, parted lips with his own as she gave herself into the kiss. Her eyes were shut, with tear drops resting on her fluttering eyelashes like specks of glitter. Every once in a while, they would peer at each other uncertainly with furrowed eyebrows, and then return to kiss, letting it grow progressively deeper and more passionate.

Her fingertips were tracing his entire body. Up his arm, down to his stomach, and then resting on his thigh. He felt himself grow stiff as she grew closer and was faintly embarrassed, but she responded straight away, shyly stroking his cock through the fabric of his trousers.

He murmured her name and gently pushed her away.

“I don’t want to do this,” he said finally. “You deserve better.”

“I’m the one who decides what I deserve,” she said softly.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and rested her head on his. He could feel the gauze pricking his skin beneath his shirt.

“I like you,” he suddenly told her.

It was an unprompted confession, bound to tangle the mess of their shared situation even further, but he wanted to say it - at least once.

“I like you too, senpai,” she murmured, nuzzling into him. “I like you a lot. So let me stay like this for a while. Please.”

Her voice was oddly calm but imploring. He held onto her, in that quiet room, with the sound of the television set and raucous canned laughter breathing life into their solemn embrace. He closed his eyes, and leaned into her. Despite the contentedness he felt, something was gnawing at the back of his mind. Words, smashed to smithereens began to rearrange themselves in his head.

I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.

Hinata was sat beneath the maple tree; his gaunt face was dignified and opalescent in the glow of the moonlight. He gathered the crisp leaves that lay around him in droves with his hands and threw them towards the sky, absentmindedly humming to himself as he did so.

“You’re back late,” he said mistily, as Sousuke approached.

Sousuke stared down at Hinata, crossing his arms over his torso self-consciously. “Why are you out here?” he asked.

“Dad hit the roof,” his brother confessed, shrugging. “He’s such a hypocrite. Tell me, are we ever going to get around to raking these leaves like we always used to?”

“You said it yourself, nii-sama,” Sousuke responded softly, “we can’t go back to the way things were now.”

“But I’ve been thinking… why not? I can be good. You just have to stay away from her, that’s all.”

Sousuke shuddered. The air was far colder in the compound than it was outside, where Sousuke was perceived as an individual: an individual that could meet a sweet-tempered girl in the middle and lovingly held by her. Here he was cheek-to-cheek with the devil; the other half to a mercurial whole.

“Listen, Hinata,” Sousuke began, “there are some things that I can take from you as your brother. I’d still love you even if you robbed a bank. But this is too much. You've gone way too far this time.”

“What are you expecting me to do, Sousuke?” Hinata sighed wearily, “What do you even think I'm capable of?  We're the mirror image of each other already, I don't need to peel of your skin and wear it to be you if she decides that you're the one she wants. It's far simpler than that; you've got to realize. Everybody treats me differently - everybody thinks I’m a monster and they always have. Even dad likes you better than he ever liked me and you singlehandedly smeared his name across the whole compound when you left. You were the only person who could overlook the part of me that went wrong, but that's clearly not the case any more.”

He laughed bitterly up at the stars as he rested his head against the trunk of the tree. Sousuke was deeply unsettled; his suspicions about Hinata had been right all along. People really had seen this coming and he had unknowingly condoned it the whole time.

“I can’t even remember why I liked her so much. There’s no method to it; it just is what it is. I can’t stop these things from happening any more. I can't hold back like I used to. There’s more than just me inside my mind and that cancerous thing goes on and off like a switch; one second I’m fine and the next I’m full of this uncontrollable rage. I don't even realize what I've done until I've done it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, this is me wanting you to stop me. I want you to lock me up and throw away the key. I’m a danger to myself and I’m a danger to you, too. And I’ll be honest, I don’t care for the girl even half as much as I care for you. You’ve always looked after me. It would kill me if I ever ended up hurting you.”

A long shadow was cast over Hinata’s face and Sousuke fancied that it was the shadow of the departed mother before he realized it was just the maple tree, in all its splendor, swaying gently in the night.