#OK thats all i gotta say. Back to going insane

[freakattack]

new warioware game you knwow hat that means....NEW FLAVOR TEXT

IDK if this is like compiled anywhere but i never found it but for the benefit of everyone, not just orbheads like myself, i will transcribe EVERYONE'S explanations of their own game genres under the cut

WARIO (Intro): Wario's games are the best! In fact, they are probably too good for you, but you can try them anyway!

JIMMY T. (Sports): I'm your groovy emcee, by the name of Jimmy T. I've got all sorts of sports games designed by yours truly! Let the funk move you as you hit your stride in these hip hits!

DRIBBLE & SPITZ (Sci-Fi): Da name's Dribble. Dese here games was made by me and my buddy Spitz. They're all about space an' stuff. You know, aliens and rockets and things like dat? So have a blast!

MONA (Strange): It's me! Mona! I like some weird stuff, and I put everything I like into my games! They're a bit weird, I know, but I poured my heart into them, and you'd better love every one of 'em!

9-VOLT (Nintendo): My name's 9-Volt, and I'm Nintendo's number-one fan! All my games are all about Nintendo, and I've got a massive collection of all time classics! You're gonna love these blasts from the past!

ORBULON (IQ): Hello, how do you do? I am Orbulon, supergenius. With my incredible mind, I've made games that will tax you earthlings to your limits. As a result, I've given you a longer time limit. If they're still too difficult, keep practicing! DR. CRYGOR (Reality): Please call me Crygor. DOCTOR Crygor. Yes, I am a scientist, and my games are powered by SCIENCE!!! Never before you seen such glorious realism in games! Yes, behold them and be AMAZED!

KAT & ANA (Nature): Hiya! My name is Kat! Me and my sister, Ana, made a bunch of games about cute li'l critters! Our games are all about nature, and nature's cuddly, but nature can also be really rough! Just like our games!

WARIO AGAIN (Anything Goes): These are the finest games ever, and the great WARIO is bringing them to you! Ha! You love it! These games are gonna make me a fortune! BWA HA HA HA!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[tgcg]

this is my element (+ album)

asking me to pick my fave album is like asking an orphan matron to pick her favorite baby boy

thats some weird and cruel circumstances to put upon me i feel like it changes every damn week like a rota

i mean what if my beats misbehave and i gotta put 'em in time out i cant play permanent on that theyre too cute

but yknow what i can show you one thing thats been on my mind lately

===

so when i was a kid we had this skateboard vid by "element skateboards" on DVD

they were this skateboard kit slash apparel company that was all about progressivism and shit and they did these much lauded comp tapes of dudes riding around on their boards and doing the dopest of macho tricks on the shit

flipping it turnways

putting the rock in the house like a big man

we had some of their merch actually

===

so anyways the one we had back then was This Is My Element

released 2007

mostly clips from cali i think and i mean the camerawork is fucking insane on some of those shots

this is gonna sound lame as fuck but i prob spent so many cumulative hours just peelin through the footage and ogling the shit outta it

that framing was tight

===

so you may be asking yourself or me

dave you genuine dicksucker i asked about your fav album not your favorite sordid ass display of smooth dudes hardcore riding and grinding them boards in public dude you have a problem

ok well that wasnt a question first of all so jot that down

but anyways to THAT i say

listen to the music

the whole thing has an original soundtrack of ambient beats

got some abstract hip hop jams, got some more indie stuff, lots of acoustic sampling

HELLA underground

and basically every track minus one is done by sampler beast david p. madson AKA "odd nosdam"

dude is my hero seriously

he is the master of the beat machine i shit you not hes always been kinda my idol on this stuff

aside from bro obviously

===

obviously.

===

anyways he had an E-mu SP-1200 which is a really oldschool sampler invented by dave rossum in the late 80s

revolutionary to the hip hop scene

nosdam had this mega distinct sound to his music that i always wanted to replicate on my own beats

still do

i dont know for sure if he used it on T.I.M.E. but he uses some of the same samples from "vol. 9" which was exclusively SP-1200 so im gonna get a lil j’accuzi on that

it couldve been a boss dr sampler SP-202 though idk

he had one of those

===

so aside from beating the shit out of the pause/resume button to flip my whole cranium at the cinematography or whatever i would also kinda play it on loop to listen to the soundtrack and space out at 2am

the lonely broner seemed to free his mind at night

ok shit broner is good but i didnt mean it like that

that was goofy lets just keep movin

it was the only way i had to listen to it back then but i mean the video is 50 mins long so its basically just an odd nosdam album with accompanying ambient skater sounds and random expletives and whatever

random car sequence

yknow what i dont think people respect enough?

the dude who catches all the "mad stunts yo" on camera

i swear to god at least half the time hes ALSO on a board and that shit is bananas to me

bros gotta be on some whole other level of zen to skate good AND catch all them glamor shots of his fellow skater

thats like an express ticket to the ER imo

the ambulance is already on the scene watching you like an eager crow watches a half dead dog

===

ok gonna go ahead and lay it out flat

not great on a board myself

kinda dogshit at it actually

so maybe im not exactly an arbitrator of skateboard heinousness

but i always kinda liked watching THEM do it i mean who doesnt?

whats an even crazier layer to stack on the "dave" cake is

and dirk told me this because unfortunately it kinda happened post-2009

he would do all these collabs with one of my childhood favorite underground rappers david cohn aka serengeti

surrounded by daves left and right dude even before all the time travel horseshit

thats like

serendipitous as fuck i think!

===

if sburb was just a revolving door of artists called dave that i could bump fists with

instead of other mes in various states of aliveness tending toward extremely dead

i wouldve probably given it something higher than 2 stars on my TGN review

===

so yeah you ask me my favorite album its T.I.M.E. by odd nosdam i guess

bump that shit on a walk your mind will go places unknown to man

[snapscube]

on the name thing: i think people want to call you something different because they like you and want to feel like they're your friend by giving you their own quirky nickname. a show of affection or something. that's my good will interpretation of it because it's certaintainly something I can relate to.

also hope this is ok to say, but I miss seeing you doing facecam. you're gorgeous ^^ i respect if you don't feel comfy with it tho, it ain't easy and it's probably much comfier to not bother with it at all lol

have a great day, Penny!

(i know i literally just said im moving on from this but i felt like this idea was worth responding to, AFTER THIS i am moving on guaranteed) i get that! and thats why i stress that i feel this way regardless of intent because the last thing i want to do is cause guilt or demonize people for something that's ultimately pretty common. but even considering your example, with that notion comes a couple problems:

i am not your friend! i do think that there has been a bit of an OVER-correction when it comes to how people think about parasocial relationships and personally relating to people they admire, and generally i like to push back against the notion that having any parasocial relationship is a bad thing cause personally i think parasocial relationships are unavoidable and it's more about your expectations towards that one-sided relationship that become the issue. but two things remain true in either case: i know you so much less than you know me, AND you know me infinitely less than you think you do. so at the end of the day, it is not my responsibility to walk on eggshells about behavior that assumes an intimacy from me i am incapable of and especially uninterested in retaliating.

i have to stress that i am extremely aware it would be insane of me to expect to control peoples actions regarding this on such a large scale, and im also well aware many people come in who are new who get this info for the first time. i repeat the conversation in the interest of introducing those boundaries to people who are new and in general just reinforcing them. i try not to be such a stick in the mud about most things but this is something I REALLY care about, and so i give it the no-nonsense approach i think it deserves. on that note: understanding that there are going to be gaps where people either just do not know about my preferences or simply do not care doesn't mean i have to pretend like i also don't care about it. people can say whatever they want about me in their own spaces, you can call me whatever the fuck you want amongst friends. i do not care cause i do not have the capability to care, it's never going to reach me! but that does not mean i have to pretend to enjoy it if/when it DOES reach me, especially if it's presented as an option for me to respond to. if someone just calls me something weird in a chatroom it's like, i literally do not have the energy or overall scope of vision to react to every one of those instances specifically. there absolutely are things u just gotta let roll off of u sometimes. BUT, the reason we often get into this conversation repeatedly on my tumblr is because given the ask format i get a lot of people who go out of their way to approach me with name jokes or loopholes to an actively established preference as if they are looking for my approval on it. that is where it becomes a little more unpalatable for me.

and to respond to your second question: i appreciate the kind words on that! i sure would like to reintroduce facecam again someday somehow but right now my desk setup is not great for it haha

[toxooz]

Do you have a backstory posted for ramsuse? I think he’s an interesting character and you’ve said he used to be human so I’m very curious 🙂

ROIGHT SO i gotta See it with my own eyes so i drew lil illustrations to go with it so letsa go buckle UP yall ALSO tw for like graphic gory description and suicide mention aaand i think thats it OK:

waay back arooound 1870's I'd say behold a man! Ramsuse was a very well distinguished hunter who also did bounty hunting. Being a big brawny man he had a big brawny horse as well who was named Appocolus, a shire draft horse (the Big Ol honses) and had a wife named Myrna:

They were happily married for about 5 years, owned a pretty small farm, and took a lot of hunting trips together (most likely sold the skins/ meat along with eggs ect.) but yeah huntin n fishin was one of their favorite activities to do together. They didn't live far from a small town where they did their trading and shopping from and Ramsuse was a pretty well known bounty hunter in the town and even had a small group of other bounty hunters that he would team up with occasionally. Back then, in most towns, it was still a Big Thing for monsters to exist and was often treated as a frankenstien event (light the pitchforks yada yada); but in this part of the overall timeline demons kind of infested some parts of the world (side note obv. that didn't last forever and the majority of demons and that of the like ended up being chased into caves and hidden crevices of the world which is maybe why Mogak had to go into a big ass demon cave community to get that demonic D.) some entire towns could become completely overrun with demons and many caused chaos and ruin among the land, which probably gave a lot of other unrelated monsters a bad rep. hence why they would be ridiculed as well. It was pretty common for demons to be outlaws and outliers, and it was also common practice for humans to capture demons (typically demons who were minding their own business (like Ollie in the cowboy au👀)) and sacrifice them in churches or do mass killings so it was kind of a back and forth rivalry between humans and demons during this time. Granted, while demons and humans were at war, naturally demons are more powerful than humans without any manmade advantage-so side backstory Myrna's parents got killed by a demon in their house when she was a child and she was orphaned for the rest of her adolescence, so she's carried a special kind of bitterness, fear, and hatred towards demons throughout her life.

As their town slowly starting having more and more demonic issues, a certain demon cowboy was a prominent culprit of the reoccurring destruction of the town:

he had the ability to transform people into demons and his "horse" is basically just another demon that tried to mimic a horse to be able to assist in the bidding of the outlaw (ie: it's ears are actually horns, it's neighs sound more like a donkey and hyena mixed together, ect) He too led a gang that tormented towns and cities, only they were damn near impossible to pin down. Ramsuse was the main tracker for trying to find him and every time he did, the outlaw would slip through the cracks of their dimension which would eventually drive Ramsuse to insanity and intense resentment towards demons and monsters trying to get the outlaw. It got to a point where that's all he wanted to do was try to find and catch the demon, even his own group of bounty hunters opted out and urged Ramsuse to do the same at least for a while, for it was eating away at his soul. Though it was out of love for his wife and their own town, he would leave for days and put off hunting trips that Myrna wanted to go on in order to attempt to capture the outlaw. Until one night he followed a seemingly deliberate trail of clues that led him to a run down cabin out in the middle of nowhere. The demon outlaw was patiently waiting for him when he barged in like a bat out of hell, however Ramuse was having none of it and went straight for his throat upon first look. He mopped the floor with him for a while until those eye flaps on the demons face latched onto the bounty hunters arms (kinda like venom slime stickin to shit) and started searing Ramsuse's flesh off to reveal his new demon skin. It eventually traveled through his entire body as he slowly burned to death, his horns erupting from his head probably feeling like his brains were being squeezed out of his skull, his old teeth being simultaneously pushed out by bigger lion-like teeth, his body getting bigger as his burnt dead skin fell off in bloody sheets to give way to the contorting muscles as the demon outlaw observed in deranged satisfaction

by the time Ramsuse could come to his senses, the outlaw was long gone. During the physical altercation, outside Appocolus and the demon horse got into it as well. When the draft horse saw that abomination of a horse, every red light went off in his sixth sense and he lunged for it, however it mauled him back and it's teeth essentially had the same burning effect in which Appocolus was doomed to the same fate as his rider.

Ramsuse spent several days trying to track any possible trace of the demon to see if he could somehow be changed back, but he was nowhere to be found. As time went on, desperately trying to find any way to change himself back at this point, dread began to seep into him like rot on a dead carcass as he realized he had no choice but to go back home and face Myrna with this new demonic vessel that he was cursed with.

As he reluctantly arrived at his house, he tried to talk to Myra through the door as a way to prepare her as much as he knew how. He attempted to stay behind the door as long as possible, beating around the bush as to what just happened, but she didn't understand why he was acting this way and only tolerated it so much before she opened the door and upon first glance immediately scrambled for a gun

Completely overrun with past memories, she refused to believe him and was convinced that a demon Actually killed him and took his form to get to her and was merely feigning his distress just to make her vulnerable. Ramsuse quickly saw her state and decided it was best to just do what she demanded and he fled after she shot at him.

After what happened, that was the final straw that broke the camels back and Myrna took to the town to try and tell people what happened to her husband. Nobody has witnessed anyone being turned into a demon and coming back ( they just knew people vanished or were just straight up dead) and with her being a woman back then, nobody believed her not even Ramsuse's former bounty hunter group. They drew the conclusion that Ramsuse merely found another woman and ran away with her, so Myrna was deemed mentally unstable and was locked up in a facility where she soon died of a fatal self inflicted wound. Ramsuse could only watch all of this happen from afar for he had no idea how to get through to her or to even show his face anywhere ever again as he drowned in grief and self hatred over time. He was cursed to be immortal as he became just a wandering cowboy, doing bounty work in passing towns. He took more heavily toward monster communities, however his bitterness and resentment toward the concept of life itself made both him and his horse extremely vicious and brutal to anyone around him. He would start bar fights regularly and kill more bounties that were strictly wanted alive and then he would kill lawmen if they so much as looked at him wrong he was just a whole ass mess. Appocolus was outcast as well by all horses, both feral and domesticated, so he too became very grudge driven and hostile. He would assist Ramsuse in tormenting and killing anyone they deemed deserving by biting and trampling as well. As the years flew by Ramsuse and Appocolus only had eachother in the world and now that the wild west is almost completely faded out he has a house and barn he made himself out in the middle of nowhere ( like somewhere around Montana or somethin if he was in this world I'd say) he owns thousands upon thousands of acres that he preserves and patrols( to make sure no bitch ass puts a gas station or mcdonalds anywhere PFFT) so theres pretty much a large chunk of the state that is untouched by modern life bc he Will destroy anything by any means necessary so nobody has successfully bought any land. so yeah now hes just a bitter old demon who refuses to move on from his timeline while desperately clings to whats left of his memories and avoids society except for an occasional bar run from a super old bar that's probably been around a while as well :') AIGHT i think i got everything abt his ass 😭 if u bothered to read this far HOPE U ENJOYED!!

[hyunsvngs]

okay you know how in the super bowl jp video, they're all wearing football uniforms??? their reaction to their crush wearing a skimpy cheerleader uniform 👀

-🍵💌

STOPPP OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS. them in the football uniforms. i almost died

i think some of the members would find it amusing bc ur so cutie pie pookie, some would find it cute as fuck and some would also be horny.

under the cut bc long asf

so i’m saying:

laughs at u (fondly):

innie - he’s losing it on sight. ur his little cheerleader!!!! THATS SO FUNNY! HE COULD DIE!!!!!!!! he’d make u do little twirls in the cheerleader skirt while he just sat there giggling taking pics. smile would drop instantly if the skirt was a little bit short n he could see ur ass.

hyune - honestly he’d probs die laughing too. esp if you had little pom poms. he’d BEG you to keep the cheerleader outfit so u guys can have matching halloween costumes. makes u do a lil dance w the pom poms.

finds it so so cute:

channie - i can see him being SO fond. makes u stand there n pose for him for piccies and ur just like channie this is meant to be sexy. immediately hes like oh???? show me what’s sexy? and u bend over and he’s like oh. oh. yeah the skirts short isnt it? he’s gotta fuck u then and there but STILL he’d be mumbling in ur ear “‘s cute for me. my lil cheerleader, aren’t’cha?” jesus

binnie - oh my god he’d go insane. he’d be giggling and screaming the fucking house down if he came home to u dressed up as his cheerleader in his room. he’d probs pick u up and just scream. absolutely fucking losing it. INSTANTLY takes pictures with you in the matching football uniform and even makes other people take pics of you too. definitely fucks you after with the football uniform just pulled down a lil for his cock to be out and you with your skirt flipped up

lixie - oh god ur HIS??? UR HIS AND HIS LITTLE CHEERLEADER???? he’d squeal 100%. bounces off the fucking walls and probs even takes u out of his room parading u in front of the other members. like “LOOK!!!!! SHES IN THE UNIFORM!!! MY CHEERLEADER!!!!<3” and everyone’s just like felix that’s.. meant to be sexy. it’s a really short skirt. and lixie’s like “OK???? BUT LOOOOOK???” IMGHSJD

horny on sight:

seungmin - it’s like you took a peek into his deepest darkest fantasies. short short cheerleader skirt, maybe even braless underneath the lil crop top. he’s dead. you’ve killed him. immediately is asking you if you’re cheering for him, or “one of the other guys?” and you’re giggling, saying it’s all for him. definitely fucks you and makes you scream his name just to prove it.

jisung - short circuits. he walks in and you’re like “surprise!!!” and he’s hard. instantly. just staring at you with those wide boba eyes in awe and shock. jesus. you have to literally shake him awake, pushing him back on the bed to ride him in your skirt and he’s just nodding, just going “yeah. yeah. keep the skirt on, please.”. definitely cums really fast but its ok bc hes gonna fuck you in the skirt again in roughly t minus five minutes.

minho - ok at first he’d find it cute. like aww, you’re whipped for him too? his cheerleader. cheerin’ him on. but then he’s looking at you, REALLY looking at you, and maybe you’ve got his number from his football jersey on your cheerleading outfit and oh god. it’s like you’ve marked his territory and he’s going insane. instantly pushing you up against the wall, pushing his hand underneath that skirt and if you’re wearing nothing underneath? he’s dead. he’s dying. ur not gonna feel ur legs after.

♡ juno

[madebyteenagefury]

unfiltered first reactions to gpi as if i were livetweeting because i think it would be funny (spoilers below!!):

are these 12 year olds or do they just talk like that.

can i touch it, dawg WHAT

dont even know their names but i already love em and only want happiness for them (may be because they strike me as children) (update they were children)

why did bro bite his hand

WHERES THE OTHER BED GOING. NO. HOSPITAL?? NO!! NOT AGAIN :SOB:

i need subtitles oh my god,,,ADULTS NOW!! i see. doug. theyre in suits and he has a bandage yall boutta kiss rn?? OHHH FUCK ohhh oh man. boutta be so fucking sick over doug aw shit

"his name is assface!" oh babe.

"you know." oh BABE. oh fuck.

think about what all the time???????????????? THINK ABOUT WHAT??????????

this is so 'are they lovers' 'worse' and nothings even happened but so much has happened.

ooooh five years

corey. THEY KISSED(before)!!! FUCK!!! MISSING TOOTH!!!

this hurts ohmy god. screaming. theyre gone.

two beds again?? are we flitting between times. 13 ahh yes we are oh i love this so much. what if i hit corey with the autism beam. what then. doug is so me im gonna lose my mind. like when theyre kids. auughh

DO YOU WANNA PRACTICE KISSING?/ SAWG???god thats the gayest shit ever. everyone who says that never means it casually change my goddamn mind YOU CANT/lh doug fucking w first kiss logic is hilarious yes king.

oh my god hes throwing up. DOUG NOO AHAHAH. fellas is it gay to throw up in the same can after kissing.

augh one bed again OUGH HOSPRIALo ohh no. 28. dont do this to me. not after falsettos.

hey again! hes not responding. kms. NOO IS HE IN A COMA OH FUCK

"im trying not to swear so much" giggled

"her"?? dawg no way THEY HAVENT SEEN EACHOTHER SINCE HIS EYE??? oh fuck me man. babe stop saying rtrded please. hes moisturizing his fucking hand oh. MY GOD.

you cant marry her cuz what about me?? SAY YOU LOVE HIM ALREADY FUCK

OOO TWO BEDS. THEYRE CLOSER!!!! ONE BLANKET!! OOOOO!!

18 fuckin called it. 10 yrs ago. thin mints slap hes so real for that. the knocking on his cup shouldnt have tbeen that funny. giggled. okay theyre so besties but like this is so gay. bestie behavior but. they love eachother. (doug is mad about not knowing that corey's been having sex, which like id be upset if my bestie didnt tell me too i get it but correct me if im wrong, this feels insanely jealous

"cuz youre too youung!" YOURE FUCKING EIGHTEEN???

im so sick over doug HES SO ME FUCK ok fuck.

im so. insane. fuck. "whys everyone gotta be so mean?"

"youre not a faggot. youre not" ohhh ow. oh oh my god

okau so when he says :you have blood on your jeans. when did you start [that]: i cant make out what he says or what theyre talking about im assuming its sh??? if so?? fucking ow kill me??????

timing of me watching this. fucking wild. did not want to cry tn (im not but were dangerously close to it)

I CAN NOT FUCKING DO THIS OH GOD

milo when i get you. milo when i fucking. get you./lh

"youre the best thing thats ever happened to me" after THAT?? FUCK ME MAN WHAT THE HELL

he better be fucking awake or i swear to god.

33 OH FUCK MANHES HAWAKE HES AWAKE OH FUCK OH THANK GOD. FIVE YEARS AGO/?? COREY VISTED HIM FIVE YEARS AGO. is he in a mental hospital?? oh boy. these boys are fucked up.

theyre fucking soulmates. i will NOT be taking criticism. WHY ARE YOU LYING YOU BEGGED HIM TO WAKE UP ASSHOLE. doug makes me want to hold my own heart in my hands and feel it beat. dawg why u lying.why is corey mean to him :(

ohh parallels. oh they. hurt. differenty. but the same. ohhhh my god

"because i might not make it back"

if one of them fucking dies. i stg. 23 10 yrs back. wait this is the first bit again/? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TOOTH. DUDE. OH FUCK.

criyng at dougs speech after the kiss.

oh fuck OFF. only the poster wtf

i need the playlist they got. 38,,,

i went "hes fucking dead isnt he" and he rolls in. "im gonnakms"

"dont touch me corey" sobbing.

pleading with my screen for it not to end like that and its over.

milo. oh my fucking god

[louscartridge]

⇢ ˗ˏˋselenite

han jisung x gn reader

cw- could be really fucking triggering!! selfharm (cutting, burning, hitting, nail/skin picking, working out), comfort, cuddling, reader and jisung say ily, crying, reader goes on a vent, reader has a bit of an anger and pain problem.

han could tell you were having a hard time with staying clean.

the way you would bite your nails and the skin around them more than usual, the way you would bite the inside of your mouth and tongue all the time, they way you would hit your thighs whenever you would get mad. you wouldn’t tell him anything about it though, you didn’t have to.

when han got back to the dorms, he didn’t expect to see you there at all, let alone see you with your arms hugging your knees to your chest, head buried inbetween them and sobbing silently.

han quickly sets his bag down next to the door and makes his way over to you on his bunk. “jagiya, whats wrong?” he asks carefully.

of course he’d had ideas of what might be wrong, but he also couldn’t know for sure if he was correct. he knew that if he was right, he needed to at least try to help you in some way, but he also knew if he was way off, he had to tread around it carefully.

you take in a long, shaky breath before answering. “i cant do it anymore ji”

jisung’s heart dropped at your words.

“do what anymore?”

“stay clean. i hate it. all of it. everyone keeps telling me i’ve been nicer since i’ve been clean.” you wiped your eyes with your hoodie sleeve before continuing. “which is bullshit, by the way, i dont think i’ve been acting any different. i’m mad. all the time. i mean, i was before but whenever i would get mad i was able to do something about it. now? i can’t do shit.”

your crying begins to stop as you speak and the anger in your voice slowly increases.

“felix keeps telling me i can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy now. which yeah, you could say that- but it’s stupid. ive tried other things, healthy things. but nothing works. pain was.. is, the only thing that actually helps me. with everything.  pain is the only thing that would bring me back. i would cut and burn and hit to feel it. to see it. to see and feel that i’m real. it would bring my anger back down. i would punch a wall so hard my hand would hurt, i would throw something so hard to where my shoulder would ache. pain is the only fucking way and now i can’t even do that. i need to relapse soon or i swear to god i’m gonna go fucking insane.”  

“changbin hyung says i can go to the gym with him, which i think i might do.”

jisung did nothing but gaze at you and listen until he was sure you were done. something he knew no one ever really did in your life.

when you finished and looked at him, he prepared his response.

“i know you hate it, but it’ll be worth it. eventually. and you have been nicer, to an extent.” han said and moved so he was sat next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“i’m pretty sure thats just how you are though.” he laughs. “and felix is right, in a way. you can still do something about it, it’ll just be healthy. it might feel like it doesn’t do anything but you just gotta get used to it and you will. it’s just gonna take time and this is the hardest part. you gotta put the effort in - you can’t just do something once and expect it to work overnight, you have to put work into it for it to have an affect on your life. something you do a lot is rely on other people.”

“oh but i thought-” you began.

jisung cut you off, knowing what he had said sounded harsh and knowing what you were going to say. ‘oh, but i thought you were ok with that’.

“you can rely on me all you want, that’s fine, as long as you know its not exactly heathy. but you can’t really do that with other people. i know pain has always been a big thing for you, has been since we met. but it’s not something that you should keep doing and you know it. do you think you’ll be able to trust yourself to work out with changbin without turning it into self-harm again?”

“i don’t know, thats why i haven’t gone with him yet. i think if i do it with someone else i would be able to. but probably not if i were to work out by myself.”

han sighed and went to say something but you didn’t let him.

“can we just go to sleep please? i’m so tired and i miss you.” you ask, your voice getting quiet.

“of course jagi.”

han moves behind you and spoons you as you both lay down.

you bury your face in his arms that encircle you.

“i love you. so much. so does chan, and felix, and everyone else in this dorm. just not as much as i do obviously.” han says quietly.

the last part of his sentence made you giggle.  

“you’re becoming yourself again. it might not feel like it yet, but i can see it in you.” han says and kisses your shoulder.

“i love you.” you whisper, kissing his hands as you both fall asleep.

[shoezuki]

I’m going insane I’m GOING INSANE

Egg you can’t keep DOING THIS TO ME every chapter is so so good and raghhhhhh I can’t deal

Lynx and Natasha are definitely catching onto Gepard by now… hehe if only they knew.. I’m loving Dr. Bissette like she’s one of my favorite character tropes and I’m. I’m falling in love with her characterization— she’s a minor character you can’t be doing this to me goddamnit

SAMPO’S AWAKE YEAAAAAAAA I loved that whole sequence of just “take your shirt off” “wgat” help that was so funny- I’m very excited to see what happens when he’s more lucid, but I gotta say I am really enjoying Delirious Sampo just for that extra comedy.

Gepard’s whole conflict with him missing the shack.. yeah. Yea that’s the good stuff. I like complicated stuff like this and it’s just?? So good???

(please give these two the happy ending they deserve oh my god)

Officially reaching the 100k mark! Huzzah!! Glad I could watch the progression in real time. I’ll always support your writing literally forever, I think. Even after this one is completed.

Seriously, give yourself some credit, 100k is not a very easy thing to achieve. You can do it o7

-💫

ps this probably makes no sense bc I just slapped a bunch of my thoughts together in one message, and it’s like not coherent whatsoever, but. Yea this is what you get now

GHH.H THANKYOU???? SO MUCH. holy fuck im gigglin n kickin my feet. ngl i still have ur ask in my inbox from the last ch and i would go n reread it constantly vsdmdvdh

nat and lynx Absolutely know. they r both like o fuck this guy is whipped. like its so blatant lbr. mfer is probably fantasizing bout rescuing sampo from a burning building. gepards all 'i want sampo safe and healthy im worried about him all the time i hope hes ok i wonder what hes doing now maybe i should go see him' and lynx is jus holding her head in her hands.

i like bissette a lot too tbhhh like. i was not gonna have her present at all beyond the ch of him wakin up in the hospital but i got attached vskdbddh. i am very tempted to make her more prevalent and give her more backstory n character n all that but... it feels weird to insert a minor character into a fic too much svdjdgd. maybe ill make her an oc outside of it

THE SHIRT THING. I have been thinkin bout it for SO LONG ngl i was like what would a drugged up sampo notice first. oh ya that gepard has a shirt on now cuz they spent nearly 2 months in the shack w a half naked gepard like seeing him w a shirt on now??? thats FUCKED UP. it should be a crime for him to hide all that perfection under stupid sweaters.

and ya.... ya. i think gep would have a lot of conflicted emotions bout the hideout n the time he spent there. like he feels confused bout missing any or it or remembering any of that experience fondly. it was inarguably one the worst experiences of his life. while his sisters were searching for him, his guards dead in the snow, he shouldntve been enjoying himself at all. n he feels bad that he misses the place n the sound of the wind pounding on the walls and sampo humming in the other room and the constant buzz of those beaten up heaters and the stiff uncomfortable sofa sampo slept on. its kinda that complicated thing of like... feeling 'wrong' for missing or thinking fondly of aspects from/around a traumatic experience. n gepard at some points gotta come to terms w it n realize he Can in fact miss it without it being like a betrayal to his fallen comrades or his sisters. but also he gotta realize half of what he misses from back then is just... sampo.

[nandermoenthusiast]

HERE I AM I WATCHED THE FINALE

OKAY FIRST OF ALL IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND ACKNOWLEDGED/BROUGHT BACK A LOT OF THINGS I HAD NOT VERY HIGH HOPES FOR

but i gotta be honest, the whole season did. it was fun and genuinely hilarious, while also acknowledging (maybe not doing something with it yet, but we have a whole other season already under go) some plot points like colin dreaming about his childhood with lazlo

THIS FINALE THOUGH

i honestly honestly honestly have to say, i would not have changed a single thing from it. it was INSPIRED. i want to talk about the theme of this season, the vampires are assholes and they will never be nice to each other, but they are a FAMILY and they care about each other so deeply

first of all we have the morrigan manor trap, which i enjoyed so much, and although the season did a great job at building up to this with a hundred little moments in the previous eps, i was still literally shook at seeing the vampires face the music. like wow the guide is really telling them off for how they treat her and guillermo. like, i felt it. and nadja and lazlo are like ok this could have been a conversation but fine heres some footage of us being nice about u behind your back, AND THATS SO LOVELY LIKE - MY DEAR WE ARE FUCKED UP CREATURES OF THE NIGHT WELL NEVER TELL YOU TO YOUR FACE THAT YOURE IMPORTANT TO US

and its like. this season does a lot to put all the previous seasons into perspective. i cant even begin to speak about nandor and his aversion to turning guillermo. like, CHRIST

anyway the moment where nandor finds out was SO fucking delicious i love you mr de laurentiis i am completely in love with you going insane going insane also like ive seen some DISAPPOINTMENT over this finale and im ???? speechless is it that they didnt kiss or fuck? NANDOR KNOWS GUILLERMO BETTER THAN HE KNOWS HIMSELF HE KNEW HE COULDNT BEAR KILLING HE KNEW HE WASNT READY AND WANNA BET HE ALSO KEPT HIS DISTANCE ALL THESE YEARS BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT WOULD ADD TO GUILLERMO WANTING TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT HES TOO CODEPENDENT TO LET HIM GO WHAT!!! THIS SHIT IS DELICIOUS

LET THEM COOK

but where was i ah yes nandor finding out nandor staking out panera bread and talking to some rando about guillermo and nandor going to his mothers (vampire killer! so its like dangerous for him lbr) place once he found it within himself to let go of the humiliation and prioritize his feelings for guillermo. let that sink in. he didnt want to find him not really. otherwise he would have threatened his mom weeks ago. nandor actually forgiving guillermo and its just like that. because he loves him too much. nandor doing the gayest most romantically and sexually charged shit in the world to prove to guillermo he actually has forgiven him. nandor bringing guillermo home. and saying he will be living with us AS AN EQUAL

nandor bringing him blood. and while we are on this topic, NANDOR WHO HAS THE IQ OF A RUSSIAN TOILET KNEW RIGHT AWAY WHAT GUILLERMOS PROBLEM WITH HIS TURNING WAS AND HOW TO FIX IT. AND HE DID. IMMEDIATELY. WHILE LAZLO STRUGGLED FOR WEEKS. NANDOR KNEW INSTANTLY. this episode had such biiig caretaker nandor energy and i fucking gobble that shit up. he pays so much attention to guillermo and he is so warm and loving to him whenever hes not catching himself…… i think im gonna go cry

nandor looking at guillermo with barely repressed lust as guillermo shows off his new vampiric powers and is taken by a frenzy to just go and do some shit. nandor lurking in the shadows listening to guillermos confession about not being able to kill, and looking so broken up about it, and wanting to fix things immediately for guillermo (but he cant, and btw im glad they brought back the lamp even if it was just to say you dumbass, you are out of wishes, like maybe that was a disappointment to some people but im sort of glad they made nandor use up all his wishes because the whole ceremony bit was sooooooooooooo thoughtful and soooo warm on nandors part). he went and staged the whole place and orchestrated the whole thing just so guillermo could speak from the heart and say he made a mistake. that is insanely loving of him

and btw idk anything about the lore of vampiric lineage BUT! tbh i do think this is such a cool loophole. like when guillermo reverted, time for his human form had passed. which means if any vampire who has lived, idk, more than 130 years had the same thing happen to them, they would obviously turn to dust. of course they would die! but guillermo had this happen only a few months ago so hes good! and the vampirism is reverted! and he has the time and knowledge now to think long and hard if he still wants it

to be honest (not to be a blorke about nandermo) i do believe that nandor and guillermo will get into it next season and the subsequent conflict will be that guillermo cannot be a vampire so he will age and die one day, but i think since nandor is so caring and “acts of service” in this last episode, maybe the solution they find is they decide nandor will turn guillermo eventually, and then bring him blood without guillermo having to hunt and kill (he could also like rob blood banks or drink from people without draining them)

anyway how cool is it that guillermo turned out to be so similar to louis (interview with the vampire, the very movie that got him to want to be a vampire), with the same conflict, except he did get a do over thanks to nandor ❤️

one last thing before i go that i didnt mention NANDOR TYING GUILLERMOS CAPE SO LOVINGLY AND WITH SUCH ATTENTION WITH SUCH REVERENCE GOD I KNOW WE’RE IN FOR A TREAT NEXT SEASON. AND NANDOR FUCKING STAKING DEREK. DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT. I DONT KNOW. I DO *STAKE *. LIKE WHAT. THAT WAS SO INSANELY HOT TO ME GOODBYE FOREVER AND SORRY FOR THE LONGASS POST

[query-quadrant]

AVICE NEEDED !!!!11!!!!!!11!!

HELP!!! HOW2 ??? ASK SOMEONE OUT PITCH ??//?? NEED GOOD ROMANTIC GESTURE SO THEY KNOW I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THEM

BEST MOST ROMANTIC WAY YO ASK SOMEONE OUT AS KISMESES: ??!??/

ok im gonna start this off with a warning dont start shit off with a bang if you cant keep up that momentum

not to be all sparkly spade emoji vitriol emoji sparkly spade emoji on you but the most over the top romantic way ive ever been asked out is when grey sent me that insane hate letter virus thing and that idiot could NOT keep it going really set himself up for failure there

if you start shit off with a grand romantic gesture you gotta be prepared to keep that energy going 

but anyway here

dubiously good ideas: 

1. once asked a dude out by pouring bleach out in his lawn ring in the shape of a spade so it killed all the grass it was really funny and was stuck like that till it grew back lmao dude got a lot of questions about it

2. one of my best friends got a bunch of calligraphy supplies and ye old ink and a quill and wrote a very fancy looking list of all the things wrong with the girl she sent it to like it looked fancy but the actual letter wasnt it was mostly swear words and shit like “thats why youre so fucking stupid youre a freak youre a freak and your clothes are ugly" and sealed it in a fancy envelope with a wax seal and everything and like a kiss mark on the envelope with her best lipstick it was really funny

3. ok this ones gonna be long and really fucking abnormal but lets be serious here if you actually need something big and grand and unique and dont wanna ask them out normal style and also im not just yapping at you and regurgitating shit i already did or a friend of mine did or that you can find in a list online already like "buy them dead flowers teehee and make them a ransom note winky face kissy emoji five exclamation points" then i mean obviously doing something personal is best i mean grey and i have the internet feud thing going on so tech based shit is it but for you your rivalry is probably based on something else doing something rooted in thats sappy and stupid and sparkly spade gif for real

what i mean is pick something you both already compete in and do it way better than they can or make it a custom challenge for them and mix your confession into it like the stupid virus i got

if you both do baking do something really difficult and annoying or time consuming that you know they cant in the shape of a middle finger 

mod a game or just boot up marioh maker and make them a stupidly hard but also well built custom troll level and hide the confession at the end 

write a custom flarp thing and when you beat their ass have your big evil character monologue be the confession 

a whole custom pitch themed escape room could be really funny if youre rich or have the right friends 

or who knows whatever it really depends on what youre into some of these are insane and embarrassing as fuck but if it works for you it works

oh man this shit got away from me lmao but basically do something specific to your rivalry that says im challenging you im better than you and i want you idk why i didnt just say that youre not dumb you dont need examples anyway

finally heres bad advice youre here for that shit probably lets go bad advice: 

1. ok i have a new idea thats going to totally revolutionize the pitch dating sphere what if instead of asking people out pitchways you try and have the worst possible confession in a different quadrant possible just really shitty awkward insulting badly timed the works 

see if you can piss them off enough with it that they just have to have you as their kismesis its called reverse psychology its very smart and sophisticated and could never go wrong

2. you can always kill their lusus killing their lusus is totally not famous for almost always backfiring and only working in insane romance novels and really shitty movies dont worry about it

3. steal a confession from a fanfic make sure its from a fandom theyre into so you can recommend them that same fanfic later

3. ask them for advice on how to ask people out pitchways and do exactly that 

wait ok actually that one could be good thats hilarious never mind put that on the good list i mean its not romantic but it could be so funny if you did it right

[victheclown]

hello hi was wondering what are the dynamics inside your Legion? bye and take care :]

OKAY SO this might be a bit long but I prepared a little thing and I'm gonna write in addition to it

Behold, the very messy chart of the Legion and how they feel about one another

Gonna put this under cut so feel free to read my insane rambling on this

Starting with Scarlett/CoPen, he generally gets along with everyone. He has a bit of an off-putting behavior which a few get thrown off by sometimes, but generally he means well for his entire Legion. He only occasionally has to tell off Leon because Leon tends to be rather loud and wild, but he doesn't dislike him over it. And Sebastian - he just wants the man to rest a bit from his Lieutenant mindset a little, he very strongly believes it cuts him off from the others a lot (no pun intended)

Robin/Rubber Band has his boyfriend for one :o3 and then as to the rest- He doesn't have any specific dislike towards anyone either, but he doesn't always appreciate Kam's tone towards him or anyone really, though he knows better than to argue with him. And similar to Scarlett, he tries to get Sebastian to be less stuck up about himself and get some damn rest. And while he does notice how odd Scarlett is at times, he doesn't let it get to him too much, and they do trust each other and talk a lot over things at times.

Leon/Hole Punch...... really really loves Robin like oh my god (me too i love them i get insane about these two i apologize). And then the rest- he has. A bit of a hard time dealing with how ominous Scarlett is, but generally doesn't dislike him for it. He generally gets along well with Kam and I like to think they bond over friendly fights or being very radical together, but I can also see them clash occasionally because Leon's also a bit more of a softie when compared to Kam personality wise at times and that can clash with a man who can be very ruthless sometimes. But they work it out, usually. And he finds Sebastian to be a very inspiring guy, but also thinks he should take it a little easier :o( but he does admire how he fights.

Kameron/Tape very much stands out as someone who doesn't shy away from saying what's on his mind and that does influence how he interacts with everyone- with Robin, he tries to start fights occasionally but usually gets told off by him so he doesn't do it as much. He does get along with Leon at times as I said, but also doesn't hesitate to punch him down verbally when something is going on or they don't agree on something- and with Sebastian, he very, VERY often tries to start fights, since he is the best casual fighter of the group. It tends to not go well and more often end in arguments about their different fighting styles- And as for Scarlett... Scarlett is the only one Kam doesn't entirely know themselves how he feels about him. He's extremely conflicted, he acts like him similar to how he would talk to anyone else and yet he responds in a normal, if a little ominous way, and he doesn't quite understand that just yet.

Sebastian/Scissors, being the Lieutenant and "Leader" of the Legion, feels himself very obligated to that role, so he doesn't emotionally associate himself to anyone in particular. The only ones he sometimes clashes with are Leon because in his eyes he did not seem to take his job back then serious at all, and Kam for... his entire existence lmao, and him constantly asking him to fight him. He doesn't like Kam's messy fighting style at all though, so they argue over that consantly.

And now to the only one I haven't mentioned much yet bc its very similar for most- Hunter/Stapler! They just love their whole Legion. The Legion is their friends and family, and they like them all a whole lot, and everyone likes them (with mild exception of Sebastian, but thats because of his lack of emotional attachment to anyone).

Ok so that was a lot I HOPE it uhhhhh makes sense its 10 pm as i write this and i gotta get up for my shift tmrw so uhhh i wanted to write that before i did heklgjlsfd

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 10

ok time to finish off the clautaba stageplay bit and we'll see if i'm insane enough for mahiru to start that route or wait til tomorrow after work

uh....cw?: for my brain finally catching onto lines in the play that straight up tell u whats going on but it didnt click til mahiru said the lines

oh right forgot to know who junna n nana are. sounds like junna's luigi so my guesses have been on the mark this time

ALSO I REALIZED THAT KAORUKO N FUTABA ACTUALLY GET TO KISS EACH OTHER ON STAGE THATS NOT FAIR KJHKJSDF

oh interesting. miguel and carmencita are here at the grave

ajsfdf mahiru cavallero is just Immediately Shady As Hell thats very funny. tbf it Does help jam in that cavallero is not offering to take salvatore in outta charity

oo now the ring swap. that fits in better. also god i have to turn the bgm even further down so i can actually hear the voicelines

futaba praise :)

d'awwwww hikari talked a lot about futaba

yknow cavallero does say salvatore has a lusty toned technique is he like. sexually abusing him? not an interpretation i got outta the others but 3rd time reading and mahiru voicing it makes it sound that way

i mean he has to be abusing his sailors in SOME way for them to hate them- it just didnt rlly click that rape was a possible option til now.

ble ble ble columbus

ohohohoho? isabel asking to come along this time. this was the only time til now i actually got that salvatore was the one grabbing isabel n kissing her junna salvatore there was 0 impression for me to Not think it was isabel doing it before running off

kaoruko salvatore at least had lines in the intermission that made it seem so

...

YEAH I RLLY SHOULDA PUT TOGETHER IT WAS SPOSED TO BE RAPE BEFORE NOW- this isnt even subtext why did my brain just assume it was vague physical violence when its just.....obv sexual assault. tsk tsk at the other cavalleros u didnt say ur lines like a predator enough

sometimes i get overly concious of my art mistakes and then starlight goes and puts out an official product i had to pay for with art like this and i'm like 'i'm fine'

i dont even have a team of editors or ppl meant to be checking this stuff. or speak japanese well but i can still tell when they fucked up a line's translation (sometimes)

i think its funny that in the intermissions the gfs of everyone come up to give them water

EXCEPT for nana to junna. futaba gave junna water bc nana was off crying in a corner about her kissing mahiru

well now im just thinking about arisa freaking out at kasumi in bandori s2 skjhf

kiss again. do it you two. kiss again

kaoruko what does THAT even mean

oh my GOD kaoruko i s2g

make allll that fuss about being embarrassed and then have to save face by calling the kiss futaba's "audition" i'm going to bang my head through a wall

yeah yeah obv futaba n claudines performances were inspired by the others

tabun

back to da play. carmencita still does Nothing

oh interesting, actual scenes of alejandro catching up to salvatore. .....ALEJANDRO WHY U HIRE THE BULLIES FROM THE FIRST ACT

ISABEL AS A STOWAWAY????????/ oh boy with all the upheaval to the status quo on this one i cannot WAIT for mahiru route

also i fuckin hate this line ksjfh (not literally but)

all i can think of is

oh i guess you can sail to granada from wherever they started-

it still makes 0 sense to me on how alejandro caught up to salvatore

SJKFH THE CACKLE I LET OUT

isabel using alejandro just to get to salvatore oohh man just rub it in

yeah sorry bud

i like how the eyebrow is hidden by the eyepatch but not the hair

i was wondering what isabel was doin all this time. just watchin i guess. she screams after salvatore jumps ship

rip isabel....still stuck in a destiny thats not of ur choosing

gah i want to mahiru route now. but i know i'll want to play it thru straight. and i have work tomorrow so i cant do that bc gotta get to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. esp if it'll be longer than the other routes like it prob will be

i wonder how tragic it will end...and also presumably where hikari pops in. like i know she's in here SOMEWHERE ksjfdh

<<part 9 part 11>>

[yekkiz]

it’s that time of year again… 🎄🎅🎉🎊 no. the highlights of your 2023 media consumption of course! just like last year, i want to know your top 5 films, books, tv shows, songs/albums, pop culture moments if that’s your thing, and as a bonus: any favourite personal moment/achievement in the last year? new to you, new in release, either works! can’t wait to see your response and wishing you a happy new year! 😁🩷

HEY!!! I'm adding media I've loved this year wether it was released this year or not if thats ok but most of these did in fact release during 2023

long paragraph..,,

top 5 films

Beau is afraid - absolute favorite 2023 movie, Ari Aster will never fail to get into the depths of my brain in such beautiful and traumatising ways...it was truly a ride - watched it twice in the span of a week because the itch inside couldn't stop itching god it was so good, it felt like a dream and a nightmare and god knows how bad i love things that feel like dreams and nightmares, the mystery of what it means to "dream"

Talk to me - YES!!!! great horror!!!!! BEST montage scene of the year (yes. that scene with Le Monde song) great great great rhythm it felt like 2000s horror. simple main plot doesn't always mean its gonna be predictable or boring, LOVE a good "not so original" idea when its greatly made and this is the perfect example! classic horror is so back

Infinity pool - insane. loved every second of this. original premise, critic message, GREAT cast, sick visuals...Mia Goth the actress that you are

M3GAN - camp! not much else to say really. watched it a couple times during the year it's just become a personal comfort movie i just love that doll shes everything to me

Pearl - yeah I watched this way too late.........for an A24 horror enjoyer.... sorry father for i have sinned. Rewired my brain chemistry, changed my life forever, did irreversible damage on my psyche etc. Beautiful splendind wonderful i CAN'T wait for maxxxine

top ¿? shows

haven't watched many remarkable shows but there we go with my little ranking...

Severance - incredible visuals, incredible storyline, amazing concept overall, can't wait for season 2

Better Call Saul - this show is all I breathe and Im genuinely worried that I won't be able to like a show as much as I like bcs - fav show i've ever watched, genuinely

La Mesías - best 2023 spanish show.............i love shows i love media i love art. when i watch things like this i feel so honored i'm able to witness such things for so little payment like. this isnt worth a suscription i feel like i owe more for letting me see such thing. i feel like im a voyeur when i encounter media that's so carefully made, with so much taste and eye for detail...like i shouldn't be allowed to watch through my laptop screen in my bedroom . just wow if you have the chance and find a sub version i can't recommend it enough

that was my top 2023, other shows ive watched...just rewatched the office, currently rewatching breaking bad, I think you should leave...

top 5 albums/songs

Desire, I want to turn into you - Caroline Polachek - so ethereal, so dreamy, feels like a movie and like when you fall in love and start noticing things you usually never paid attention to - the beauty of your hometown, your lover's hands or how their smile folds in certain ways when they see you, even how you perceive yourself differently

fav track - either I believe or butterfly net

Fanfare - Dorian Electra - from one extreme to the other..complete chaos and noise and I'm soooooo seated for it! such a complete album with 0 skips, always gonna love a fame themed record that talks about things that aren't relatable at all and gotta love the pop culture moments aswell, they're always so campy yet manage to be deep at times i love an unserious but self aware king what can i say!

fav track - wanna be a star

American Gurl - Kilo Kish - oh i love love this album i love the sound of it, the videogame vibe...every single song is so addictive I'll be minding my business and a random song from this album will pop into my head

fav track - no apology!

Preacher's Daughter - Ethel Cain - well this was certainly something it literally felt like a horror movie and of course I'm so here for it. terrifying, disgusting, sent shivers down my spine the first time I heard it on full length...and still does when I do. such a great album and def one of the best ones ive ever heard, top 5 for sure

fav track - family tree

Ultraviolence - Lana del Rey - yeah i'm 10 years late and thank god I am bc only god knows the irreversible damage this would have done to teenager me

fav track - florida kilos

2023 personal highlights

started the year doing a really nice trip that somehow helped me clear thoughts about my future

I got accepted into the masters degree I wanted which also gave me the chance to meet so many cool people and make so many good friends <3

I've been able to draw soooooooo much - my arm is doing sooo much better

got a tattoo I really wanted! got that flash design in my mind for a while and it's finally on me

this year was so hard for me and my family and it was such a challenge. I'm so proud we could manage through it all, and hopefully this year is easier on us

thanks so much for the ask Imo! sorry I wrote a lot and half of it it's just nonsense though!! I wish you a happy new year <333

[rexscanonwife]

Ok I feel a bit unwell tonight (gee I wonder why ._.) So since I can't do much else I gotta spew my thoughts and be a little insane about this song for a while

Ramblings under the cut ofc

OUGGHGHH OKKK this whole song is so fucking good but I'll start with this bit for now but my god the whole song has this theme of someone singing TO Achilles, begging him to come away from some edge or precipice. Ofc there's lots of ways to look at this but I choose to think of it as Anakin teetering on the edge of falling to the dark side, thinking that he has no choice.

'The self is not so weightless; nor whole and unbroken' UGHH Anakin carries so many heavy things in his heart. His pain, his grief, his GUILT, his conflict. Yet he's not ONLY these things. I'll never be an Anakin apologist PER SE (except when it's funy) but every bad thing he does can usually be tracked, and so can his deterioration THATS THE WHOLE POINT. Despite all this he's been a great friend and brother, he has love and hope and faith in his heart as well as all these bad things.

'Remember the pact of our youth' the unyielding loyalty and affection that Brea and Anakin have for each other!! But it's true, she'd follow him anywhere, not only because she trusts him and knows what a capable leader he can be but she literally wouldn't be who she is today WITHOUT him. Without his friendship and without the ways they've encouraged or allowed each other to grow 😭😭😭

I'VE SAID NUMEROUS TIMES ON THIS BLOG THAT LOVE TORE ANAKIN APART. More accurately his inability to keep holding it inside him, his fate not letting him express it properly, the fear that he'd lose it and the grip he has on it eventually crushing it UGH MY GOD and I didn't screenshot it but the first verse has 'all of us, some of us love you/it's not really much but there's proof' BUT HE COULDN'T SEE IT 😭😭😭

And maybe the second part of the chorus is more Brea being OPTIMISTIC, maybe in a state of denial.

OK so the song does this cool thing where it switches back and forth in a couple verses to the 'inner voice' of 'Achilles' that berates and criticizes him, but obvi in my narrative I'm choosing to see it as literally Palpatine 😂😂 and ofc the parentheses would be both Brea reaching out to him, but ALSO everyone who loved Anakin, and the tiny glimmer of him that still remembers who he was. I love also that while trying to ease him with words of encouragement the parentheses also just like...basically tell the other speaker to shut up 😂 like yeah Brea WOULD straight up just tell Palpatine to go fuck himself!!

Ok and this bit gets me SO hard. Cause if u listen to it (which I highly recommend but it's ok if u don't 🫶) the opposing voices harmonize and then sing in unison, and to me it gives me a really strong visual of Anakins inner turmoil!! And not only that, it makes me think of my AU where instead of fleeing the temple during Order 66 in the confusion she sees that its Anakin leading the attack and decides to try to confront him!!! And I can see it being something she says to him, and their one on one fight that would ensue 😤😤

Ugh and not to mention how brilliant an Achilles comparison is, as I've mentioned I'm a sucker for religious and mythological imagery. Achilles. The PERFECT warrior, powerful, and NEARLY flawless. Emphasis on nearly. His end being brought upon him by that one thing.

I could go on and on about EVERY verse and little bit about this song tbh but this post would be forever long but my god. My fucking god. I've been thinking about this a lot today as u can see 0_0

[sinkableruby]

owarimonogatari ge spoilers. rgu spoilers too i think

himemiya anthy and oshino ougi are both girls who exist for guys

and yeah i hear you thinking what, misogyny ?! toxic masculinity ?! thats not a big part of ougis arc and yeah it isnt and also other gender stuff BUT. the spirit is still there!! and i have to say it in that way first to do anthy's part justice

bc they Are both people who exist solely for others sake. their ability to define their own existences have been taken away from them. they have no agency! anthy obviously but also ougi has never had agency. ougi was created by araragi to do certain things he couldn't do himself, and this was literally the sole purpose of their existence. if ur in that situation what are you gonna do? not do it? and probably like, cease to exist bc the universe's internal coding is a total asshole? you don't have a choice, you just gotta accept the burden.

they're very silly and goofy and sinister and smiley about it of course but like. i'll say it now a lot of those smiles are not happy. i mean you look at the light novels oshino "ppl are so dumb i have to laugh at them but im crying when im laughing" ougi (edgelord ougi confirmed? LOL ok ok not really) oshino 'araragi theorizes her smile was poignant bc she knew how short her life would be' ougi like yeah ok. get a life, literally. lol (note this is also. for those who have read it. what ougi stay is about. and what my next big thing is going to be about. this is what the significance. anyway)

and anthy does the same thing! all this fucked up shit happens around her and To her and she just watches it all with the same smile like nothing's wrong. the parallels are insane you guys you cant make this shit up. anthy smiling like nothing is wrong during the duels before slowly realizing she doesn't want to be separated from utena is the same as ougi smiling while about to be erased forever even though she doesnt want to die. its parallels!!!!!! even where ougi's situation gets a little muddied with her being Literally araragi (even though she is still the part of him that he ejected and pushed all this work onto and still just exists for him at first so i wouldnt say this is a point against my analysis here), it still very much applies. and that part of 'being him' can loop back around and extend anthy if you want it to. she does whatever her fiancee wants her to, is molded to and reflects them. a reflection-- is that not, in a very big sense, what ougi is for araragi? you could even say that for anthy, the fiancee of the rose bride's attempted domination of her is a way to dominate the femininity within them, to quell and control it. (if this doesnt make sense my excuse is that i havent finished watching yet. but i think it does make sense, and a lot of it, actually)

theyve both got their Roles to play, and play them they do. anthy, the rose bride, and ougi, the culprit, the bad guy. i think about that 'bad guy' framing a lot too btw. when ougi is talking about her unfazed appearance when faced with Forever Death Via Black Hole, shes like 'don't you hate it when in mystery novels the bad guy is so calm in the face of their comeuppance? yeah that sucks so just letting you know im terrified 👍. gotta wonder what happens when your matter gets erased completely yk. like whats that gotta be like lol.' (not even exaggerating at all really) (also shes so funny she relates everything to mystery novels bc she loves them thats so sweet and real i love that :)) (and then she proceeded to say 'nah i think the culprit should kill themself instead' but i wont get into it)

theyve also both got those cute little interests come to think of it. anthy loves like animals and stuff and ougi loves their mysteries. are these two the Same Character (joking) (but really they should hang out)

theres a line in one of the short stories that summarizes it really well, describing ougi as 'a puppet who had come to life.' and yeah, basically. it's implied to be after the ougi dark resolution so there i have even more ✨textual evidence✨ but like fr. its an incredibly apt description for ougi. if yotsugi is a doll, then ougi is a puppet, who has gained agency (and thats the thing, rgu and monogatari are giving these agency-robbed characters agency, thats what ougi dark did, and im like p sure thats what rgu is going to do i havent finished it lol but i did get sorta spoiled on the ending so i think its gonna. in monogatari... its more rocky i feel. its not cut and dry, its not like whoops you have agency forever completely now. its like you Kinda have it. you Maybe Mostly have it. it's complicated i'm writing about it)... i wonder when yotsugi will get her agency, but part of me wonders if nisioisins plan is that she wont. because she's a doll, she's too stuck, she's fixed to what others need her for, she can't work by herself. she hasn't "come to life" yet like ougi has (being a corpse might do that to you)

anyway uhhhh i'm right good night