#OK ENOUGH OVERSHARING FOR A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!

[cornerihaunt]

last last hour before iftar of the year. feeling something

[phoebebuggers]

tw health problems tw eating disorder symptoms (?)

how do i tell my mom i haven’t had a period for 3 and a half months and my apple watch keeps telling me have an abnormally low heart rate before i go to the doctors to get blood work done in two days bc i randomly fainted a few weeks ago

[thetriangletattoo]

.

[midnightjewel]

Plushy Surgery

Did the puppy get to your favorite plushy when you weren’t paying attention?

A/N: this is a very real thing that just happened to me I swear I was sobbing. My Jack Russell (bless his heart) thought that my weighted pink Dino was one of his toys and now my Dino is missing a tail. So poor Strawberry Lemonade will have to be a brave boy and go into surgery. Anyway! Enough of my oversharing!

Kirishima x Fem! Reader

I can do more parts with more characters!

You and your husband had recently gotten an Australian Shepard named Riot. He was a cute puppy, don’t get me wrong! But, he was very mischievous as well.

It had been about 4 months and he was doing very well with his potty training. There was a few mishaps here and there but all it was at this point was just you and Kirishima trying to find out his schedule and what times he particularly likes to go outside.

Riot was basically you guys child. You two didn’t have kids yet so he was the perfect first step until you two decided you were ready to discuss that topic. But because Riot was the puppy son of pro hero Red Riot and his spoiled little wife, that meant Riot got spoiled rotten. Any toy, treat, or accessories you wanted him to have is what he got. He had a little basket full of bandanas to wear and he even had his own little pajamas and a shark bath towel!

But nothing could compare to the massive bucket of toys that sat in your living room. That dog was living the absolute dream, a big house with a pool and a huge backyard, all of the meat and treats he could ever want, and any dog toy he could think of was right at the tip of his paw!

Riot was so well behaved! Well… most of the time…

You we’re cooking up some chicken and rice for dinner and according to the time on your phone it was 7:30 so that meant it was 30 minutes until your husband got off of work.

You were a bit nervous about leaving Riot slightly unsupervised while you cooked but it had to get done! You turned bluey on in the living room and you thought he would stay still because he loves that show. But Riot was learning how to climb the stairs as of recently so you were keeping your ears open for that.

As you checked on the rice you heard and felt your phone buzzing on the counter next to you. As you glanced over at the screen you saw that it was your husband. Of course, you always thought the worst so you immediately picked up.

“Kiri?” You inquired as you picked up the phone fearing it was one of his sidekicks and he had gotten into an accident or something

“Hi baby!” He spoke cheerfully “I’m alright! I hear the tone of your voice” he reassures you

“Oh ok” you breathe out in relief “So what’s up?” You ask him as you keep an eye on the stovetop

“Well I ran out of body soap last night and I was going to pick some up on my lunch break but I was swamped with paperwork” he tells you “So essentially what I’m asking is do you need anything while I’m at the store?”

“Oh I could’ve picked it up for you” you tell him “But actually, I’m running low on my sugar scrub can you pick one up for me?” You ask

“Of course baby! I’ll see you soon! I love you and Riot!”

That’s when your stomach dropped. Riot…

You hadn’t heard him walking around the kitchen looking for scraps

“Okay! We love you too!” You quickly hang up the phone and call out for the puppy “Riot?!” You peer into the living room bluey was on the tv but there was no sign of Riot.

“Riot!” You called out once again and you heard his paws practically jumping down the staircase to see his mommy. “Oh there you are” you sighed in relief “Wait.. what do you have in your mouth?!” You saw a indigo fabric that looked all too familiar

You got him to give you the piece of fabric and then you dashed up the stairs only to find that you had left your bedroom door open and your beloved shark… the one Eijirou had bought for you for your first Valentine’s Day together… it was slightly destroyed…

It was missing a fin that you were holding and it’s tail was halfway hanging off of his body. Your stomach was a pit as you picked up all of the stuffing and the pieces of small fabric off of the hardwood floor.

You brought it back downstairs and showed Riot what he had done and boy did he look guilty! As much as you hated to be stern with him, he wasn’t going to learn otherwise.

“Riot no! This is not Riot’s Toy!” You scolded him as you walked over to the toy basket “This is Riot’s toy!” You firmly state as you hand him a plush of a popsicle with a squeaker

You quickly bagged up all of the pieces to poor Mr Cuddles and continued to work on dinner. It was on low heat so luckily, nothing burned. You couldn’t help but notice how the un-involuntarily tears pricked your eyes.

Some people would say “it’s just a stuffed animal” but it wasn’t just a stuffed animal. It was an object that you cherished and loved. It had sentimental value.

As you began to plate the food and get drinks out of the fridge you heard the front door become unlocked and opened followed by Riot’s happy barking and squealing signaling that his father was home

“Hey gorgeous” he set his grocery bags down on the countertop and urgently came to kiss your lips as if he hadn’t done that just before he left for work. To be fair, it felt like an eternity being away from you.

“Hey” you tried your best to mask your sadness but of course he saw right through that. Could you blame him? You two had been together for almost 10 years now and married for 5 of them.

“What’s wrong?” He gently tilted your head to look up at him with a warm smile. “Well Riot broke Mr. Cuddles” you tell him as you point to the bag that was holding the contents of your stuffed shark

“Oh I see” he examined the broken plush “I’m sorry that happened” he pulled you into an embrace. “Tell you what, I’ll make some calls and we’ll get this fixed” he rubbed your back and you nodded in response

“Let’s eat” you smile at him “You’re probably hungry from saving the city all day” you pat his forearm as you hand him his plate to take to the dining room

Kirishima had gotten ahold of Bakugo and he was fortunately willing to fix it. Growing up with his mom as a fashion designer had its perks.

“Hey man” you hear your redhead husband talking to his best friend on the phone.

“What do you want it’s 10 o’clock!” The blonde scolded his friend

“Yeah I know it’s past your bedtime but I need a huge favor” he pleaded with Bakugo

After a deep sigh from the blonde he responded “go ahead”

“Thanks man! Can you sew good?” Kirishima inquired and the ash blonde laughed

“Can I sew? Is your hair unnatural? I’ll answer that for you! Yeah I can fucking sew and I’m pretty damn good at it!”

“Awesome! The dog got to (Name)’s plush and it desperately needs to be fixed. I’ll pay you!”

“No, shut up, there’s no need for that. Just drop it off in my office tomorrow morning and I’ll fix it on my lunch break”

———————————

After cleaning up dinner, getting showered, and ready for bed you two could finally settle down for the night. “Riot come up” Eijirou patted the bed and made kissy noises for the puppy to jump onto the king bed. After spinning in a few circles he finally settled down.

“Goodnight honey” you smile and kiss Eijirou as you turn off your bedside lamp. “Goodnight sweet girl” he smiles and turns his off as well.

As you turned over to sleep you felt Kirishima grab his phone off of his nightstand. It was a habit of his to go on his phone before bed and you didn’t mind but you knew that could never work for you. You needed to distance yourself from the phone if you wanted to get some rest.

But something just felt wrong. You weren’t holding onto your shark. To be fair, you had slept with it for almost ten years now. You tried to subtly get comfortable but you just couldn’t. You knew you couldn’t sleep with it, it was broken and you didn’t want to risk breaking it even more in your sleep.

“I can’t sleep” you sigh out into the open as you turn your head around to look at your husband who just smiles and shakes his head while grabbing the remote “come cuddle and watch some tv maybe that’ll make you sleepy” he pulls you close to him so that you’re laying your head on his chest “I’m probably not as good as Mr Cuddles but I assure you, I’m the next best thing” he rubs your back gently

“You’re the best” you smile at him as you feel yourself becoming sleepy

[irkimatsu]

Ok but... imagine Husk getting jealous of your Husk plushie? lol (or maybe one that Angel says looks a lot like him but why would you have one like that lol).

(slight overshare but I'm totally not sending you this because I have the same one - only one of the smaller ones - and hugging him and rubbing him against my chest while I used my vibrator the other night was like... the best orgasm I've had in months lol)

-Salem

I got this ask while I was getting ready to leave the hotel and go home and it's been swimming in my brain for hours~

In-universe, I don't see where Reader would get a Husk plush specifically, but I'm sure it's easy enough to find a store somewhere that sells cat plushes in general, including an adorably scruffy tuxedo cat. What's wrong with buying the plush? It's cute, and super cuddly! You have no further reason than that to pick the one you did!

...no further reason you're actively admitting to yourself, anyway.

Angel, of course, immediately catches on and will not stop making comments on the plush. "Looks like a certain bartender! Why would you buy a plush when we've got the real thing right here? I bet he'd love to keep you company... especially when you're in bed~"

"Shut up, Legs."

You find yourself carrying the plush around everywhere you go in the hotel, as long as holding it won't make things awkward. It comes to bonding exercises with you, cuddled snugly against your chest as you and the rest of the hotel exchange stories and watch movies together.

"Damn," Angel says with a smirk as he watches you hug the plush's face against your breasts during a movie night. "Lucky plush."

Husk really hopes you don't catch him staring. That plush is lucky... this isn't the first time he's thought that. He's had plenty of time to imagine himself sitting in front of you, the back of his head nuzzled against your chest or stomach, as you gently squeeze his hands or pet his fur...

The plush's current position, though, he can't look at for very long. Can't have his body's reaction making this gathering awkward.

Eventually you finally find yourself admitting it; you wish that the plush was Husk, and soon, your thoughts while you hold it aren't so innocent. You figure out the cologne Husk wears, or at least a close enough equivalent. You buy a bottle of your own and sneak it into your room, hoping that no one notices or asks questions. You spray a bit onto the plush and bury your face into it, and soon your imagination is going wild... it's not long before this becomes your favorite way to masturbate, holding the plush close and savoring the scent and texture while using your favorite toy on yourself. Kissing it, nuzzling it, holding it to your breast, wishing with everything you have that it was the real thing.

You know you should be subtle with the cologne so no one else will notice, but every time you reapply it, you find yourself craving more. After a while, Husk will pass by, and wonder what the hell that smell is coming from your room - it's way too masculine to be a fragrance you'd use on yourself. Do you have company in there? That thought upsets him more than he's willing to admit.

...wait, isn't that the same stuff he uses?

Before he has time to figure out what that means, he hears your voice, so low and needy. "Huuusk... oh Husk..."

You don't bring the plush downstairs anymore unless you're sure the scent has mostly worn off, and the rest of the hotel attributes any lingering scent to Husk, with no suspicion on you. Even Husk himself had become nose-blind enough to his own fragrance to notice that he wasn't the only one in the lobby to smell that way.

But now he knows. He can tell that the scent is coming off that plush of yours... and now he knows why recently, you've spent so much time burying your face into it and taking deep breaths.

Maybe it's finally time for him to offer you more than a plush could ever give you.

@hazbinshusk

[satanfemme]

weird oversharing post again. under a read more because it's weird enough I need it to be an opt-in post

with the whole "working on my system" thing I've been doing the past few months, I've been focusing on just the 9 alters who are closest to the surface of my brain & who I was already super familiar with, while purposefully ignoring the more subconscious alters for now. but without even seeking him out there's definitely a new guy here near the surface who I didn't already know. idk how long he's been here, and idk what he even is. he might be an alter or he might just be some other kind of weird mental conceptualization or metaphor. the simplest idea I have of him is that he's who we would be if we were a whole person and not a system, but his primary character trait seems to be that he's nothing/empty. like, a lot of us are angsty &etc, but this new guy is nothing like that, he's just completely removed from what I'm used to. there's more I could say about him but it would probably make him sound really scary, when he's not. he just makes me sad mostly. and idk if he's actually sentient or anything, but I want to be very kind to him regardless, and I know that's the right thing to do because when I tell him I love him I feel a lot of warmth and comfort in my chest.

so ok there's some weird new info about my brain for you. thumbs up

[ronin-deactivated19851026]

i feel like my brainworms are legit nerfing me

oversharing ahead but i honestly don't care nor see this as a big deal. what's the point of living if i can't talk about my life

i'm not sure what to do about it... one thing they don't warn about when it comes to recovery, you kind of go "backwards" in your timeline, unfolding deeper and deeper traumas. this leads to addressing needs that for most healthy individuals have been satisfied during appropriate stages of development. and it's kind of hard to navigate through, and the deeper into childhood, the harder. and the dumber some issues are.

like...

i identified one of major sources of my art block through noticing the same pattern while learning japanese. i have an exam next month, and i'm sitting here just clowning around, avoiding touching my workbooks. i don't have any struggles learning it. in fact, i'm catching things quickly and if i practiced, i would have been better. but i just can't make myself study, and the block is so strong, it's paralyzing me the same way my art does.

why learn or do anything, if 1. there are people who are better at it, from those who studied better to native speakers, or in case with art, are more creative and have been going to art school since they fell out of the womb 2. i get nothing from it, no praise, no attention, nothing. no change in attitude towards me (this phrasing suits better, considering what i'm about to say next)

and one can think of bajillion things to debunk these points. like, who the fuck cares, do what you like, engage in things that make you happy, also learning skills or expressing oneself through art doesn't render "nothing" as a result, like, it's obvious how both can be monetized, if we're going for "practical" needs, and how many other opportunities await me that can broaden horizons and enrich my existence.

but... but.

the entity we're trying to tell these things isn't the current, conscious mind of 30 year old me.

it's an ostracized, bullied, weird tween that seems to be doing good at school, where the kid finds escapism from issues at home. the kid is called a goddamn little genius at first, but eventually it all becomes boring or doesn't go in line with school program, it's annoying, the kid is fucking annoying too, can't come up with anything useful or worthy everyone's time. so the kid scribbles random shit to escape or vent about both school and home life. or just embraces art. and hey, looks like these skills are cool and complex enough to catch everyone's attention once again and be the cool artist daughter/cousin/friend/whatever i was called to have, i'm considered talented and useful again. for a while. didn't last long because it's all still essentially useless. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa help

(ok random cringy note but i have been thinking recently how fandom often draws spamton the way i used to dress in my mid teens; the time when every bit of hope or resemblance of peace in my life crashed beyond retrieve. he's my spirit animal now)

like. words and lack of full background (which i won't go into in public obviously sjxjskxsxj) can't really explain why something that doesn't sound like a big deal as i type it left such a huge impact on me. my life at home was like a pure nightmare at some point, and came with serious baggage i still yet to unpack. my life at school sucked a lot, except for two years where i switched schools and it brought some relief, albeit temporarily. there were days where i would spend a whole night up, being on full alert for any random reason, including physically fighting or eavesdropping every noise i can hear behind my door, hoping i won't get stabbed or raped in my sleep. that's why i have issues sleeping these days and wake up from every tiny fucking noise. and after that, i would go to school and say i literally couldn't do my homework and none of these fuckheads cared, they called me useless, lazy, and threatened with consequences. yeah, "being useful" became tied close to "having a right to live" because of all the fucking mess that went on, the puzzle is coming together.

~

as i was reading pete walker's book "complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving", bits about describing traumatized children growing into completely dysfunctional adults, to the point where they're on disability and literally can't function at all, i thought about how i essentially sabotaged myself through thing i described above.

if i didn't deliberately ruin everything, i may have had a network of artists at this point, probably opportunities that i can't even think of, stable income, probably also a stable community, but i just dipped right when i was getting more and more interesting commission requests, getting more known, merch being done with my art, people being interested in my stuff, getting some cool opportunities, some of which were even about to spread outside fandom circles...

that hole of void inside, that feeling of uselessness and not being enough, has been growing (along with other issues i had, but still) until it burst and i was avoiding it all like plague, saying "no" to everyone who came to me until they stopped coming, obsessing over being the lamest artist featured everywhere, being afraid to create because it felt like i'm ruining paper/canvas/digital spaces/etc with my essence, that i'm not allowed to make myself present in anyone's life, unless i earned that right through being "useful", and even then i still experienced paranoia and severe anger issues and so, so, so many other things that led me to be diagnosed with a mood disorder, a personality disorder, and then put on antipsychotics and antidepressants.

...

you know, now that i'm typing this all out, i'm thinking that this made it all even worse. i'm even more scared of approaching these issues, because now they have a "take a pill and shut up" layer to it. "you're born useless and don't have a place among us, sedate yourself so you stop being a nuisance to everyone". "no, the world is completely fine, you're the broken one". "normal people live fine with X and Y, you're just crazy, delusional, sick, yOuR BraIn ChEmIcAlS ArE OfF meNtAL iLLness Is WHen Ur BraIn Is BrokeN1!1 MentAl DisorDers ExisT In VacUuM U jUsT WeRe BorN MenThollY EEL TAKE THIS COCKTAIL OF DANGEROUS DRUGS WITH A BUNCH OF SIDE EFFECTS THAT WILL KILL THE REST OF YOUR MIND!!111"

i have no idea in the fucking slightest what to do. i'm doing much, much better than ever. i could even say, i'm very close to being normal, at least in the way i define it. but everything that has to do with vague definition of occupation, hobby, and collective/community? i'm kinda just brute forcing things as of now, idk.

but i don't think i can push it this way for long, cuz... progress in my skills doesn't heal. using a new language doesn't heal. finishing projects, no matter how fun or cool, doesn't heal. getting praised for these doesn't heal. getting paid for my art (or anything at all in theory) doesn't heal. socializing doesn't heal, i just do it in spite of lil demon behind my shoulder constantly whispering me that i'm everyone's laughing stock/annoyance/whatever and everyone i'm interested in wants me away. having some people prove these delusions to me in the past few years didn't help either.

maybe i'll come to solution later, as i always do, but as of now... i'm stuck and i don't know where to start

[olgunia]

also... i feel like writing it down and getting it out of my system but... i mean... i told my boyfriend and two best friends... and my new therapist. . .. (i'm finally getting help!!! and it turned out that i was right!! it is that i have been suffering from utmattningssyndrom [exhaustion disorder] for the past 2 years! and also! finally i accept the fact that i have been suffering from it and i feel less of an impostor and also!! for the past 3 months i have been recovering and feeling better and better with every week, i wanted to cry last week when i was able to cycle! every day!! it was impossible even a month ago, i felt so humiliated with how little energy i had all the time.. usch, don't wish that shit on anyone) said that we're gonna Look Into It.. TBC

ok but yes, the thing is that 3 months ago one thought struck me and that is that i may be autistic.. at first i did cry bc i felt overwhelmed and scared because i have this imagine in my head of prejudice and lack of understanding what autism really is and that people on SM are trying to be quirky or special or whatever, i don't even know! it just felt so overwhelming.. but after that i had conducted more research that has been ongoing and.. i think apart from the fact that i just feel like i'm an impostor and that if i would say it out loud - other people will think that i'm 'making it up' (hehe that hasn't happened and those 3 close ppl are supportive BUT!!!) ---- apart from that.. the more i read and think - it just becomes more apparent that i am on the spectrum! and once again it feels like a lot but on the other hand it would explain so many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some silly things like me having to ask people if they're joking bc i really can't tell lol, same with irony, to not getting if someone is flirting with me, to people believing i'm being flirty while i'm just interested and excited about the topic and want to be nice lol, me losing my fucking everything and exploding internally while having to go for e.g. on tour - no matter how much i like someone - to be in the same space [car/venue/sleeping place] and to not have enough 'alone time' is just! i just fucking cant! mental breakdowns every 2nd day! i hate spending too much time with people (that doesn't apply to my boyfriend though but till exempel to my family/friends) in the same space! ----- and i mean... i have been diagnosed with ocd and social phobia while being a teenager but there were some things that have been.. puzzling me and now! it feels like i found the missing puzzle! and it feels both good and weird

and other things like being naive, an open book, shitload of thoughts, feeling intense feelings towards stuff - loving/hating, having hard time with 'not exploding' and att hantera emotions, seeing 'patterns', these whole stemming thing- whenever i listen to music that i love it's just.. i just cant NOT move fingers or hands or legs, getting stuck with some sayings/catchphrases that change every now and then, i guess i also overshare stuff but hard to tell hehe, always trying to learn how to navigate small talks and talking and social things, being called blunt, believing that i lack empathy because i just.. i cant imagine how it is to 'put myself in someone's shoes', loving 'shitposting' or wordplay bc they're either absurd and therefore funny or just easy to understand hehe, planning things, not being able to summarize things, doing lots of lists, i just f-ing love to research, getting sucked into things and having a very hard time to get out but also having a hard time to start doing shit and more things bla bl albla lbllalalal.. . .. writing it down so i can have it for future purposes

but yes.. it's scary but good i guess to realise that? Smiley Emoji

[033h]

lol super late but I got tagged by @chiveburger to do my 2022 top skincare, makeup, and fragrances!! tbh I don’t try new products super often with the exception of lip products but I love to overshare so ty for tagging <3

The ordinary 100% plant derived hemi-squalane - I don’t do much for skincare these days tbh, I have dry/sensitive skin plus eczema so I pretty much just use an oil and cetaphil if I’m lazy. I recently started going through this one I bought a while ago and it’s hydrating enough without feeling as greasy as a lot of oils.

Paula’s choice lip and body balm - I tried sooo many lip balms before finding this and it’s the only one ive used for 5+ years!! I used to use the nuxe reve de miel but the scent irritated my lips. This one is scentless and equally hydrating, and the container lasts me months even though I use it every day. If they ever stopped making it I think I would cry…

Sierra bravo deodorant in white vetiver and cedarwood - ok not skincare but I love this deodorant soo much. Don’t get me wrong I hate the military vibe but I ran out of my smith deodorant and randomly found this one for $3 on sale at uo. The scent is kind of piney kind of old spice vibes but not as strong-smelling and it’s gel-like, so it doesn’t crumble or leave marks.

Skin aqua UV essence tone up sunscreen - I’ve used Japanese sunscreens for a few years bcus they don’t feel like anything on, have high spf, and they’re affordable. I used to use the biore aqua rich, in comparison this one might leave a cast if you have darker skin since it’s not as sheer, but I think the biore one contained alcohol and irritated my skin a bit.

3CE soft matte lipstick in chill move - I never really bought pink lipsticks until this year since I have an orange/yellow undertone. I love 3CE because even their cool shades are suited to warm undertones. It’s a nice mauvy pink that doesn’t make me look dead and it’s not drying for a matte.

3CE syrup layering tint in alive pink - same as the lipstick, this pink is so cute and the formula is really comfortable. It’s somewhere between a gloss and a stain but it’s not drying like a lot of stains and not as thick as a gloss. This shade isn’t super opaque but it layers nicely and leaves my lips feeling moisturized.

Canmake colorful nails n31 lovely shower - my mom and I have always been nail polish hoarders like I’m talking salon quantities of nail polish so I’ve tried a lot... this formula is really smooth and dries quickly, and the color is soo gorgeous! it’s a fine, pearlescent glitter that looks barbie pink and reflects a gold peachy color. It also does not chip! The bottle is a little small but I think I’ll actually use all of it. I found it randomly in a jbeauty shop in SF and am going to try some of the non-glitter colors soon! 

Glossier pro tip liner - pretty much the only makeup I wear consistently is eyeliner. I almost always use felt tips but this brush doesn’t split and isn’t floppy/rectangular (like the brush cap ones). It does dry out but it lasts me the same as the stila one (~4 months) and is super thin and precise, I wish they made it in brown! 

Maison margiela replica sailing day - I just started getting into fragrances this year and out of this sample set and the boy smells one, this is the only one I really liked. It’s very gender neutral and doesn’t have any oppressively perfumey/cologney heaviness to it, and no sweetness which I hate. It’s aquatic and fresh, basically just like clean salt water.

Ok thats all this was fun even tho I feel like I don’t experiment w my products much!! I tag @macadamianutmilk​ @milfmushroomforager @tierras @lovergirl @sheis and @ieg, if you want to!

[florbelles]

3, 17, 23, 29, 38 for lyra and joseph in the bunker? :3

oh my god.

III. WHAT WAS THEIR FIRST IMPRESSION OF EACH OTHER?

in the bunker? what was their first impression in the bunker? "oh good she's awake" and "what the fuck why am i alive did this bitch not let me burn with the old world like i SPECIFICALLY requested disrespecting MY judgment of myself. unbelievable"

XVII. HOW WELL DO THEY COMMUNICATE? ARE THEY OPEN WITH THEIR FEELINGS/THOUGHTS OR MORE RESERVED? WHY?

(cw: self harm)

uh. the first year they do not communicate At All because lyra is comatose aside from that time he came out to find her slicing her face open to feel something and he tries to stitch her back up but she just sits there silently smiling creepily at him the whole time and he's like haha. um. maybe she can go back to staring at the wall actually that's fine. after a year the voice comes back and lyra was shuffling through the room in the ratty ass plane coat she hasn't taken off in twelve months but she just takes one look at him and Knows and when joseph comes to again with a migraine factory reset lyra is sitting across from him showered & dressed and smoking with a coffee mug waiting for him so. they understand each other well enough to communicate extremely well even when they're not technically communicating. once lyra has returned to as close to her former self as she ever will a year in they're back to normal. they've always been fairly open (lyra has always been more apt to overshare and less likely to pry if she senses he doesn't want to get into something) but now there is Literally Nothing Else to Do so. not particularly reserved. no.

XXIII. WHAT ARE THE DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP?

the same as it always has been. united by varying degrees of Suffering as God's Chosen. the only ones, potentially, who understood each other in that respect. the only ones left of their family.

XXIX. DESCRIBE THEIR NIGHTTIME ROUTINE.

bold of you to think they know when the fuck night is. try to write about what's happened. try to write about what's going to happen. count the hours until they can confidently make another mark on the wall. discuss any stray detail of their childhood they haven't talked to death yet.

XXXVIII. WHO’S GOT A QUICKER TEMPER?

you're asking me who has a quicker temper. between lyra wrathy mcwrathtits. and joseph. ok glossing over the obvious initial hostility she has towards him not leaving her to die like she wanted, which she can only in good conscience resent fleetingly since she ultimately concludes her desire to die instead of rebuilding with the rest of the flock was a selfish one, regardless of her reasoning, she only actually becomes angry with him once. he is trying, in fact, to be helpful. he tells her that it was not her fault john died. that it was john's sin that made him try to take ill-taken vengeance for her presumed death. she doesn't say a word. she simply looks at him. it is the only time he is ever afraid of her.

[alarming-prism]

i saw your response to the ask about a fic u wanted more positive engagement on and i just want u to know i read that when i didnt have an ao3 account and have been searching for that fic FOREVER like it drove me so crazy it was so good. like im the type who usually only reads happy endings but it literally plagued my thoughts for MONTHS it was so good.... their relationship was so deliciously awful i think its peak representation of fq during their era of nothing but raw hurt and festering resentment from misunderstandings and all the outside factors stressing them out.... so excited to watch fxmq irreparably hurt and damage each other.... also yes the writing was a bit confusing but like in a good way,,,, like if it had been less vague and more clear i feel like it wouldnt have been as enjoyable bc that writing style really fit the vibe of the story, it kind of pulled it all together ykwim? like i really loved how u wrote it i think it was perfect as is, i cant think of a single possible thing that could make it even better.... yeah, tbh just for all your fics, u have this way of setting a kind of atmosphere throughout that just really brings the whole story together, like i noticed it in the mq toy store employee fic and the broken threads fic too. im not articulate enough to identify or describe what it is exactly that u do, but u do it sososososoooooo well it drives me crazy. youre amazing <33 ok ummmm i love all your writing and i will easily wait another 10 years for a hint of a second chapter for this fic or any other works by u, so please take your time without worry, i hope u have an amazing day/night, byeeee :3 <3

i'll have you know that i had a super rough day yesterday + i'm currently sick rn and when i got this ask i started to tear up. you get me and you get exactly what i'm going for. i understand wanting happy endings but i'm also desperate to explore the part of fengqing that's in continuous conflict not through any fault of their own but because of their circumstances + who they are as people,, and i know that's not for everyone but it makes me so happy that you understand what i'm trying to do here lmao.

i think i'll legitimately have to rethink my entire life if it takes me ten years to finish the second chapter, but i just checked my fic tracking doc and i started it back in february so uhh. i can't make any promises but this did make me open up that doc again and nanowrimo is coming up so i'll have to work on something or other. and every time i actually start thinking about this fic again i start to go insane. i think last time i worked on it i made myself cry? i'm definitely just oversharing at this point but.

idk just. thank you so much for sending such a long, heartfelt ask. it made a shitty day infinitely better. i hope you have an amazing day/night right back <3

[lightspren]

ok I think I have my thoughts collected enough to Overshare with the Internet

so. annual gyn appt today. she breaks the news that the medication I’m on to treat my endometriosis pain can only be taken for two years straight, because otherwise it’ll cause bone problems - and I’ve been on it two years. This wasn’t a shock to me really, I knew this was a problem with that med and I thought the time was coming.

so. I have to stop the med that prevents me from being in debilitating pain 2-3 weeks of every month. there’s another med we could try, but from what I understood it’s essentially an off label use, so no idea if insurance would cover it. and i’m super not keen on playing medication roulette yet again. I fucking hate medication roulette. but the only other thing that could be done is surgery again. my first surgery for the endo was eight years ago, and they apparently prefer to give it ten before doing surgery again, but a lot of people only make it five.

so the option I decided to go with is to just stop the medicine and see what happens lmao. the Most Likely Scenario is that in two months I’m gonna be telling her I’ve had enough of this bullshit and it’s time to cut me open. luckily because of Reasons she actually thinks it won’t be hard to get a doctor to agree to do a hysterectomy, even though i’m 27 (almost 28) and have no children (my provider is a nurse practitioner so ofc she can’t do surgery, it’d have to be another doctor in the practice). it’d really become a question of, do surgery and only deal with the implants, which is the less extreme option but not a permanent solution. Or just yank the damn offending organ out and be done with it.

so. that’s where I’m at lmao. I have one week left of my med then The Games Begin. and there’s so many other complicating factors. starting with my own self doubt of surely I’m just being a wimp and it isn’t THAT bad (this is wrong. I have my spouse already in agreement to continually remind me that just because i’m “functioning” doesn’t mean i’m actually okay lmao).

then there’s the timing. if I give it three months of Awful before deciding, that puts us at June. it would take probably at least two months to get the surgery scheduled - August. except I have a new doctor starting at work in August. which means account setup, training, shadowing - like, when a new provider starts I spend minimum three days sitting beside them to help while theyre learning the system. So if I had them rush surgery scheduling and MAYBE got it done in July - I would be recovering when I needed to be setting up the doctors accounts and access and doing his training. Or if they scheduled it in August, I’d be there for like a week or two then peace out for 2-4 weeks and he’d just have to struggle. neither is awesome!!! which in all honesty means probably the earliest I can have surgery, just from logistics, is September. which is six months from now. so six months of spending half the month in debilitating pain. GODDDDDDDDDDDD.

anyway I. should probably stop here lmao. all this shits been tumbling thru my head all evening though so I needed to get it down in one place even if there’s no real answers to be found. assuming the NP was right about it being easy to get one of the doctors to do the surgery, the biggest fights are gonna be my own self doubt/minimization of my own suffering and timing. so. we will just have to see how this goes l o l

[its-mellohi]

anyways who's gonna slap some sense into me before i text my ex best friend who cut me off because i came out to her.

[trainwreckweather]

Past me is so dumb I hate that bitch, SQUARE UP

[elvesofnoldor]

i still don’t get being super interested in your own ocs in established stories, it’s not that i don’t like having fun, i just find other types of fandom bullshit more entertaining. like ridiculous crossover aus. tfw you are interested in more than one (1) story universes and desperately try to mush two of them together somehow. 

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Many people criticized Harry because of his behavior in Order of the Phoenix. Do you consider it was understandable his behavior and why people don't understand his actions?

This ask is very recent and I have a bunch of old ones to answer but today I'm in a bad mood and I need to rant, I'll also give you the more analytic answer but let me rant for a bit ok?

OotP is my favorite book of the saga and Harry is absolutely amazing there, he is so angry and he has every right to be! He was even far too nice, he should have stepped on one of the tables of the Great Hall and shouted at everybody to just fuck the hell off. This book could've been titled Harry Potter and the year everybody decided to gaslight him (besides Ginny, because she is amazing, and they are perfect for each other my two adorable dorks). Anyway, Harry had every right to act like he did! And not to overshare, but I'm quite familiar with trauma linked to witnessing death so, trust me, Harry handled it majestically.

*goes to punch a wall*

*clears her throat*

So, you were asking if Harry's behavior in OotP was appropriate or too much? Well, let's paint, very calmly, a picture of what Harry has been through up until this point in his life, and let's find our conclusions.

Harry becomes an orphan at fifteen months, he then starts living with his blood relatives that, for a reason unknown to him, hate him. So he spends every single day for ten years living in an abusive household. When he turns eleven someone tells him that his life is going to drastically change. Turns out, he is a wizard! He gets introduced to all this new magical world, he has a bunch of money, but something is still weird about him. Apparently, he is famous and the reason why is linked to his parents' death and him doing something he has no recollection of. Then his second year arrives and he finds out that there's something even weirder about him. It's not anymore about some mysterious thing that he did in the past, he's singled out for his abilities and the link he has with Voldemort. And he finds out for the first time that there are things that are his responsibility not because he takes that responsibility upon himself like the previous year, but because he's the only one who can do certain things. Also, by this point, he was forced by circumstances to kill a teacher and to witness a girl he really cares about (for unspecified reasons) being five seconds away from death. In all of this, he keeps being forced to go back to his abusive relatives.

In his third year he finds out that a crazy assassin is after him and again, for something he doesn't even remember doing, he gets singled out from his peers and punished for this condition of never fitting in, never being like the others, all for motivations out of his control. He finds out that the crazy assassin is actually his godfather and that he betrayed his parents. Giving Harry, who has an incredible craving for official positive bonds, another shitty family member. But wait! The man was innocent all along! Well, that's great right? They'll live together now, he will finally have a proper family, right? Nope.

By his fourth year, one would think that he had enough troubles. The Durselys are finally backing off under the menace of Sirius, Sirius is away from the country sure but safe and free and he writes to Harry. Ok, maybe there's no Quidditch but he'll be entertained by the tournament, won't he? And of course, that's when he gets put against his will in the mortal tournament. All in all, he manages quite well, by the third task he's in the game so, of course, it turns out that it was all a plot to kill him. The teacher that he had trusted all year is actually a death eater and Cedric dies and it's indirectly Harry's fault. Add to that Harry was never Cedric's biggest fan, between being competition for the tournament and Cho's boyfriend. I'm sure that didn't add any sense of guilt. Let's not forget that he nearly gets killed by Voldemort and that the other guy trying to do him in was his parents' best friend. Someone who was supposed to love Harry, that probably held him in his arms just a few hours after he was born, someone who probably bought onesies that Harry wore and toys he played with. As we see in DH, Harry doesn't like to acknowledge Peter's existence, and for good reasons. Not only he betrayed his parents, he betrayed Harry.

The fifth year comes and Harry is hated by half the wizarding world for no good reason, they try to expel him with some plot, it's his fault that Sirius had to suffer coming back to Britain, dangerous for both Sirius' mental and physical health, and there's a crazy professor who tortures him. He also has normal fifteen-year-old problems. Now you would think that by this point someone would tell him what is going on. It's clear to Harry that he's not normal, that he is at the center of all these troubles, it's undeniable at this point that in one way or another Harry is special. But Dumbledore refuses to talk to him, the other adults keep treating him like he is just another teenager while for years they forced him in and out of situations exactly because he wasn't normal, and even Sirius with all his love for Harry, has so many personal problems that he ends up making Harry believe that he is the one who needs taking care of. Ron and Hermione, poor things, try to be there for him but they don't really understand. And if it isn't the perfect summary of how shitty Harry's life is that he needs to end up in all this trouble to find out that the person who truly understands him is Ginny, I don't know what is.

OotP is a book whose main point I'd say is that all the people, but especially the adults, who should be there for Harry, in one way or another aren't. Harry understands to be special before anyone else is ready to admit it, to listen to him, to acknowledge what he has gone through. This is why the easter eggs scene is so important, and now it seems like I'm trying to make this about hinny but I'm not. That scene is important because Ginny just seats there and listens to Harry. For one fucking time in his life there's someone who is not telling him what to do or not to do, how to feel or not to feel, she listens to him, and then she offers a solution to what he said his problem is.

If you notice, Harry is a lot calmer in HBP despite the fact that Sirius died, because Dumbledore has finally told him the truth and he lets him in. People stop treating him like he's a crazy attention-seeking narcissist or a reckless teenager and acknowledge things for how they are: Harry is not normal. He would very much love to be but it doesn't change the fact that he isn't and ignoring this fact doesn't make it any less true.

So yeah, I'm sorry if I think Harry had every right to be an angry little shit after years of just internalizing all this trauma.

...

Right.

You also asked me why people don't understand his actions.

Well, the options are two: they don't know how to read which is very popular these days or they are lucky enough to have no idea of how people respond to major life-altering traumas and don't care to find out.