#Now on a personal note my dad had a drinking problem when I was little and he hasn’t had a sip in like 20 years

[onlymingyus]

Somebody [SVTHUB world tour collab] (teaser)

pairing; choi seungcheol x f!reader

genre; smut (minor dni), fluff, angst, romance, fake dating au

summary; When you need someone to help you out of a bind quickly, you pick the first person you see to be your “boyfriend”, you just didn’t expect it to be your single hot dad neighbor, Choi Seungcheol…

content warnings; single father!seungcheol, teacher!reader, seungcheol has a child (obviously), eating/drinking, jeonghan/joshua (implied relationship but not stated), betting metioned, alcohol, medical field - doctor!seungcheol, doctor!joshua, mentions cheating in past relationship, mentions death/accident of spouse - widow!seungcheol --- i am sure there are more, if there is anything important you want me to add let me know

smut warnings; unprotected sex (birth control mentioned), creampie, fingering, oral (f receiving), begging, crying (pleasure), multiple orgasm, lots of pet names, marriage kink, seungcheol carries the reader and is larger than the reader, manhandling, shower sex...again if I miss something let me know.

w/c; 25.2k and some change (623 extra words for patreon bonus) [1.1k this teaser]

svthub world tour masterlist

a/n; thank you to my @junkissed for proofreading for me once again, i love you so so much. i really hope you guys enjoy my little addition to the svthub world tour and those on tumblr will join me in Barcelona for the bonus 💕

this fic will be released 7/15 at 3 pm est to read it now subscribe to my patreon and click here

Forcing a smile on your face after a long day, you stand up as the bell rings and parents start to move into the room to collect their children. Taking your time, you note each one, telling them to have a good evening and that you will see them in the morning. 

It wasn’t that you hadn’t enjoyed your day, but you could feel a headache behind your eyes and fifteen screaming five year olds was a lot for anyone. So as the numbers started to dwindle, you could feel the anxiety starting to fade from you. 

“Hey, buddy!” 

Glancing up as Matthew squeals happily, you watch him run towards a slender but fit man that you vaguely recognize. Perhaps he had been on Seungcheol’s walls in one of the pictures, but you didn’t have a name to put—

“Uncle Jeonghan!”

Ah, so this was Uncle Jeonghan that Matthew talked about so much. Picking up your clipboard, you furrow your brows, moving over to him and the man as you quickly make sure the man’s name is listed as someone authorized to pick up. 

“Have a good day? This must be Miss Y/N that your daddy talks about all the time.” 

Lifting your head from the clipboard, you meet the man’s eyes as your cheeks start to burn. Opening your mouth, you close it quickly as he smirks at you and ruffles the boy's head as he clings close to him. 

“I—Yoon Jeonghan? If you could just sign for Matthew, since you're not his legal guardian and only listed as an authorized person, it’s policy.” 

Taking the clipboard from you, Jeonghan grins as you seem to shy away at his words. He could see the appeal. You were beautiful and seemed responsible. You were exactly Seungcheol’s type. 

“No problem; Y/N. Cheol had to work in the ER today so here I am to save the day. I honestly don’t know why he didn’t just ask you to bring him home.” 

Scoffing in surprise, you watch as Matthew gasps and looks up at you like a new toy. 

“That’d be so cool! Miss Y/N, can you one day? I can show you my toys.” 

Not wanting to disappoint the boy, you give him a strained smile and meet Jeonghan’s eyes, realizing he was an enabler. Seungcheol should have warned you about him, but maybe he didn’t even realize how your first meeting with him would go. 

“Maybe… I’m your teacher, Matthew. We play at school—” 

“Well and his neighbor and his daddy’s girl—” 

Shaking your head, you watch as Jeonghan bites his lip to stifle a laugh before nodding and holding up his free hand as a way of surrendering. Apparently Seungcheol had shared some details of your “relationship” with his friend. You wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out, but you had a feeling this man was the type to pull you out and back into the spotlight. 

“Maybe one day, Matthew... but let’s not get our hopes up.” 

Pouting up at you, Matthew just nods and moves away from you both to go get his things. Letting out a breath, you take back your clipboard and put it down on a shelf behind you as you and Jeonghan glance towards the small boy as he pulls on his jacket. 

“He’d let you take him home.” 

Furrowing your brows, you glance over at Jeonghan and shift on your feet at his words and the implication behind them. Noticing how you seem to nervously shift from foot to foot, Jeonghan smirks and glances down at his phone in his hand, answering a text from Seungcheol as he speaks to you. 

“One day he’ll man up and ask you out for real. This fake dating shit—” 

“Don’t curse in my classroom, please.” 

A laugh slips from between his lips as he glances up from his phone to offer you an apologetic smile before nodding and continuing. 

“Sure, sorry. As I was saying, this fake dating nonsense you two have going on right now isn't going to work. I can already tell you like him.” 

Insufferable. That's how you’d describe Yoon Jeonghan. You had known him for less than ten minutes and already you knew he was going to be an issue in your life. Crossing your arms, you start to sigh into your words, a dramatic big breath, when Alex’s voice once again ruins your moment. 

“Matt, buddy, let me help.” 

Jeonghan watches as your head moves like prey sensing a predator towards the other teacher, who was now helping Matthew with his bag. His eyes move to his godson’s face as he grimaces as the man tugs on the straps, keeping them tight on his arms. 

“He’s fine, Mr. Alex. Thank you.” 

You still sounded like yourself, with that sweet tone to your voice, but even Jeonghan could hear the hint of malice behind it. So this was Alex, and now Alex thought it was okay to mess with Seungcheol’s son. The “fake” dating made sense. This man did not understand boundaries and used everything in front of him as an open door. 

Stepping in front of Alex, you smile at Matthew and the smile transfers to the boy’s face. Jeonghan feels relief wash over him at the sight as you kneel down, adjust the straps back to where they were and then tie his shoe properly. 

“I was just helping out a student, Miss Y/N.” 

Oof… There was so much tension in this room that even Jeonghan felt like he was going to drown in it. Stepping forward, he clears his throat and offers his hand towards Matthew, letting him take his fingers. 

“And while I’m sure she appreciates that, and the parents do... I don’t know you, Mr. Alex, was it? From where I was standing, some strange man was touching my godson, which honestly made me nervous for a moment. I’d be more careful; this isn’t your classroom.” 

Standing up, you feel your cheeks burn under Alex’s eyes as he looks to you to defend him, but you don’t. Jeonghan had a point. Not every parent or guardian knew who all the teachers were, not even the students knew the other teachers. Simple acts could be misunderstood and while he was doing something to “be nice” and it was innocent, you knew there was another reason he was inserting himself into your and Matthew’s lives. 

“Well, I do apologize for the misunderstanding. My classroom is right down the hall. I was just coming to see Miss Y/N. We are very close.” 

Jeonghan just smirks at the man and shoots you a glance before looking at his phone and seeing a reply from Seungcheol. 

“I’m sure you are.” Dismissing the man, he looks at you and smiles brightly. “Y/N, dear… Cheol asked me if you wouldn’t mind helping me with Matthew once you get home? I’m an awful cook.” 

Opening his mouth to say something, Alex stops when Matthew squeals with delight and grabs at your shirt, begging you to come over. 

Another point to you and Seungcheol. 

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[ladycaramelswirl]

It Happened in Texas

Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader❤︎

Chapter 2 : five year olds are better than you (at making friends)

series masterlist

A/N: Yet again I’ve written an unrealistic scenario for the plot. And I’ll do it again. This is just crack plot and some fluff. The team having a good time. Use of y/n a few times.

Fun fact for context: most handcuffs used by law enforcement have universal keys

word count: 2.8k

Enjoy! 🤍

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

You make it through the next few months without any issues. You go on a case, report to Strauss and decline any of the team’s non-work-related invites. The team is polite, but you (deservedly) feel like an outsider. And Hotch still ignores you most of the time. You’ve both managed to somehow do your job and pretend the other person doesn’t exist. The team pretends not to notice. Your days start to seem cyclical, but at least unlike Houston, no one refuses to work with you. 

“Hi!”

You startle from your paperwork to see a child smiling at you. He’s sweet looking, with blonde hair and big brown eyes. How did a child get in here?

“I like your hair. Are you daddy’s new work friend? Are you also a superhero?”

It’s an odd lineup of questions. You try your best to answer them.

“Thank you. I like your hair too. I’m not a superhero, I think. Your dad is a superhero?”

The child nods seriously.

“He’s not a real superhero like Spider-Man, but he’s a superhero to me”, he tells you. 

Your heart melts. His father must be a really great dad.

“That’s so cool! Are you here to visit him?”, you ask.

The child nods. “But he’s busy right now”.

You don’t remember anyone on the team mentioning family visiting today. 

“What’s your name? 

“Jack”.

“Hi Jack, I’m y/n”.

Who was this kid?

“Uncle Spence!”

You watch the young profiler hug the child. 

Jack tries to hustle him for candy, but Spencer apologises and says he doesn’t have any. You offer him a chocolate from your drawer which immediately makes you Jack’s favourite. He decides to take residence on your lap. 

You look at Spencer. 

“Uncle?”

He looks flustered. 

“Oh that’s just what he calls us. He’s Hotch’s kid”.

What? This little angel?

“Jack? Jack where are you?”

You look up to see Hotch come out of his office looking distressed. 

“I’m here!”, the boy shouts.

Hotch makes his way over.

“Sorry buddy the meeting ran late I - ”

He notices where Jack is sitting and looks at you apologetically. 

“His school suddenly closed today and I couldn’t get a babysitter. Sorry if he bothered you”.

Oh? So he’s not ignoring you if it’s in front of his kid. Noted.

“No that’s okay. Sorry for giving him chocolate. He said he was hungry”.

Hotch picks him up from your lap. 

“It’s not a problem”, he tells you. “Sorry for making you wait Jack. Let’s go have lunch”, he tells the child. 

Jack looks at his dad. 

“Can she come to my birthday party?”

Hotch looks between you and his son hesitantly. 

“Buddy it’s in three days. She might be busy”.

Jack looks devastated.

“Please?”, he asks you.

“That’s okay. I can come”, you tell him.

“See dad!”, Jack tells Hotch.

“I’ll text you the address. And thank you”, the older Hotchner tells you.

“No problem”.

————————————

You make sure to enter the party late and wait until you see Hotch talking with a parent to sneak in. The BAU are all in one corner, drinking and laughing together. You steer clear of them and leave your present on the gift table. When you’ve run out of moms to talk to, you start clearing up garbage and washing dishes. A little blonde head pops up beside you.

“Hi!”

“Jack! Happy Birthday!”

He opens his arms for a hug and you bend down to oblige.

“Why are you tidying up?”, he asks.

“Well I didn’t really have much to do and I wanted to help out”, you tell him.

Jack frowns.

“So you don’t have any friends?”, he asks, deeply concerned. 

“No, I have friends. I-“, you think to yourself. You had uprooted your life to move to D.C. for this job. The only people who you knew in the city were your coworkers. Who you avoid because technically, you’re spying on them. Jesus Christ, the kid is right. You have no friends.

Jack sees you come to the realisation in real time and pats your arm like you’re a dog.

“That’s okay. Sometimes people have very little friends. Like my dad. Uncle Dave always says, that’s why you have no friends Aaron”, Jack tells you, imitating the older man.

You choke on air.

“Auntie Pen says dad would have more friends if he smiled more. Do you smile?”, Jacks asks you seriously.

You nod. 

He seems satisfied. “Then you can prob’ly have friends”, he tells you. “But if not, it’s okay because you can be my friend”.

You smile. How did such a grumpy man raise this kid? 

“I’d love to be your friend Jack”, you tell him. “You’re my favourite Hotchner. But don’t tell your dad”. You didn’t need him thinking that you were trying to get closer to the team by befriending Jack.

“Don’t tell me what?”

You turn to see your scowling unit chief.

You feel your stomach drop, but his face causes Jack to giggle. 

“It’s a secret!”, he tells his dad, jumping into his arms. Hotch picks him up and gives him a soft kiss on his head. He whispers something in Jack’s ear which makes his eyes light up and he scrambles to the backyard. Hotch looks at you for an explanation.

You shrug you shoulders. “A secret’s a secret.”

Hotch stares at you like he can somehow read your mind if he looks at you long enough.

“You’re very loyal”, he says. 

His tone is accusatory, and you’re certain he’s talking no longer talking about Jack.

I don’t want to be, you want to say. But you need your job.

“I care about my friends. That makes me loyal”, you say.

He scoffs. “She’s not your friend”.

You try not to roll your eyes. Obviously you don’t think Strauss is your friend.

“And are you?”, you ask. “My friend”.

Hotch stares at you like you’ve sprouted a second head, but he doesn’t have time to answer because Jack tackles you into a hug. 

“Thank you thank you thank you!” 

You’re thrown off balance by the force of the child and almost fall over. Hotch grabs your arm to keep you steady then quickly lets go. Jack holds up the Lego set that you bought him. 

“Dad this is the one I said I wanted! The limited edition one!”, he says excitedly.

Hotch smiles at his son. “That’s so great buddy”.

Jack runs off to show everyone else. Hotch looks at you gratefully.

“I’ve been looking for that everywhere. I can’t believe you found it. You got it in two days?”.

After overhearing him asking JJ about it in the office and had scouring the internet for one, you had used your day off yesterday to go to some sketchy seller in New York because they refused to ship it to you for some reason. You had technically bought it to get on Hotch’s good side, but the hassle was worth it to see Jack’s face light up. 

“I care about my friends”, you shrug.

Hotch stares at you again. 

“Well I’m sure Jack appreciates it. Thank you.”

You nod and he looks like he might say something else, but he just grabs a bag of chips and moves to head back to the party. You move back towards the sink.

“You don’t have to do that”, he tells you. “The dishes, or tidying up - you’re a guest. Thank you for everything you’ve already cleaned. But you should enjoy the party”, he tells you before leaving the kitchen. 

You don’t want to go back outside yet so you clean what’s left in the sink and then walk back outside. Jack immediately spots you and makes his way over. 

“Thank you for the present”, he tells you. 

“You already said that”, you laugh. 

“Yeah, but my dad said I have to say it again properly”, he tells you seriously.

Oh. Had they talked about you just now?

“Well you’re welcome. I hope you like it”.

“I like it”, he grins. And then he’s grabbing your hand and dragging you over to the BAU. 

Shit.

“Auntie Emily! Auntie Pen! Y/N is super awesome but she has no friends! You should be friends!”

Nononononono. 

The whole team stares at you and you feel yourself turn bright red. Thank God for foundation. You need to fix this, now.

“Jack, that’s um very nice of you, but-“

“What do you mean Jack?”, Emily asks. “She’s our friend already. We even sleep in the same room on trips. I don’t do that with non-friends”, she adds. She’s talking to him, but she looks at you. 

Thank God for Emily Prentiss. You shoot her a grateful look.

Jack looks at you sadly. “Does this mean we can’t be friends now? Because you already have grown up friends?”

“No way! Of course we’re still friends”, you tell him. Jack beams. He’s so cute, you think. You wish Hotch smiled this much.

“Ok! Then I’m going to play Star Wars now”, he tells you, running off. You’re immediately reminded that you’re standing beside your coworkers who are all grinning at you.

“I am so sorry-“, you start.

“She refuses to come out for drinks, doesn’t talk to us outside of work, but she tells a 5 year old that she needs help making friends”, Derek teases.

“I don’t need help making friends! I-“

“Name one time you willingly came for drinks with us”, Emily says.

You both know it’s none.

“I-“

“Leave the kid alone. She’s probably scared of all of you hounding her with all your questions”, Rossi chides. 

“This is so great!”, Penelope tells you. “I mean you’ve been avoiding us so we thought you didn’t want to be friends, or Strauss was telling you things about us, but if you’re just freaked out, we can be totally be normal!”

Spencer coughs. “That last part may prove difficult”.

Penelope smiles at you and lightly smacks him.

“So? You want to have drinks after this?”

You should say no. But Penelope was right. If you kept saying no, it sent the wrong message. You did like them.

“Ok”.

The group raises a glass to you and you smile. 

Maybe this won’t be so bad.

—————————

This was bad. When they said ‘have drinks’, you thought they meant at a bar, talking over drinks like colleagues. Turns out they meant drinking games and shots. At Hotch’s house. Post birthday party, which meant everyone was already a couple of drinks in when you started. 

“Truth or dare!”, JJ shouts.

“Dare!”, Penelope yells.

“I dare you to… wear one of Hotch’s ties and pretend to be him for the next round!”

Derek grins. “Good luck baby girl. Don’t let the boss man kill you.”

Penelope makes a point of furrowing her brows. “Don’t call me baby girl. That is inappropriate for the workplace”, she huffs in a deep voice. The whole table erupts in laughter. Then Emily turns to you. 

“Truth or dare!”

You’re not sure you can handle any questions at your level of inebriation.

“Dare”.

Emily looks like you’ve handed her a briefcase full of cash. Oh no.

“I dare you… to kiss the person this bottle lands on!”

God, if you’re there, help me, you think.

Hotch huffs. “Prentiss, she’s your junior, and we are not teenagers. That’s just harassment. Change the dare.”

Thank all that is holy.

Emily pouts. 

“Fine. I dare you to … handcuff yourself to the person the bottle lands on for the rest of the night. Except for when you go to the bathroom”.

What?

“Prentiss-“

“No! If she’s not comfortable, she’s capable for speaking for herself”, Emily says. “Right?”

You nod. You’re pretty much already sitting together with everyone - it won’t make much of a difference anyway.

“It’s fine.”

Emily beams and spins the bottle. I mean it might not be so bad. Being cuffed to Penelope or Spencer could be kind of funny.

“Hotch!”

You had to be cursed.

“Prentiss, this is -“

She ignores him and cuffs his wrist, and the other one to yours. 

“Okay! Now everyone give me your keys so they don’t secretly uncuff. I’ll keep them, so let me know when you need to use the bathroom”.

Hotch glares at her, but everyone hands her their key. Then they move on to bother the next person.

JJ moves over so that Hotch can sit next to you. You hadn’t realised how little space there was on the couch until it’s his thigh touching yours instead of hers.

“I’m sorry about this. Usually they’re less… chaotic”, Hotch tries to explain.

“That’s okay”, you tell him. 

It’s nice. The team reminds you of James, your best friend from your previous job at the Houston field office.

“Can Jack sleep with everyone shouting like this?”, you ask.

Hotch nods. “He’ll pretty much sleep anywhere if I tuck him in first.”

That’s sweet.

“He’s a great kid.”

“Thank you.”

You manage through the next few hours. It turns out that Hotch is a great conversationalist when forced to not ignore you. You’re actually enjoying the way the team somehow ropes him in to things because he’s not great at saying no to them. But it starts to get late. 

“Prentiss? Can you uncuff us please?”

Emily sways and giggles drunkenly. “You’re so nice and polite. Why can’t everyone else say please when they’re asking for things? Derek is rude”, she pouts. “And don’t call me Prentiss. It makes me feel old. Call me Emily.”

“Ok. Emily, please can you give me a key?”, you try again.

“What key?”

“To the handcuffs?”

“I don’t have a keys, I gave mine to Penelope”

What?

“Prentiss, this is not a joke. We all gave you ours. Just give us one”, Hotch scowls.

She leans in to whisper, but in her drunkenness it’s quite loud. “I don’t have any keys. But he’s so mad”. She looks at you excitedly. “Do you have a key?”

“No Emily. I gave you mine”, you tell her patiently. Hotch finds Penelope.

“Garcia! Prentiss says you have the keys to the handcuffs”. 

Penelope stares.

“No I don’t?”

“Emily?”

She looks devastated.

“That’s too bad. He looks mad. Hehe. Bad, mad”.

You and Hotch looks at each other in exasperation. 

“Do you have any spares?”, you ask. 

He shakes his head. 

“My spare is in my car, but I left it at the office yesterday”.

Neither of you can exactly drive to the office handcuffed. And everyone else is highly intoxicated. 

“So we have to just wait until they’re sober?”, you ask.

Hotch runs is free hand over his face.

“Unfortunately”.

You watch everyone else settle down in the spare bedrooms or go home. Then it’s just you and Hotch in the living room.

“I’m sorry, I’d offer to sleep on the couch, but…”, you both look at a happily sleeping Emily. “I’ve only got my bedroom left”.

“Oh.”

“Or we could not sleep? Just drink coffee and wait for… however long it takes them to get up?”, he offers. 

That’s not going to work at all. You don’t function well after staying up all night. Or after too much coffee.

“No, it’s fine. We should sleep and I’m sure you’re tired after the party today”, you tell him. 

“Okay”.

You both reluctantly make your way up the stairs. He offers you a toothbrush and you both brush your teeth in silence. You can’t exactly change handcuffed, so you get into bed with your regular clothes. Hotch turns off the light and you both lie there in the dark. 

“Good night”, you say quietly.

“Good night”, he says back. 

Somehow you both fall asleep.

————————————

You wake up to the smell of cologne and a soft fabric pressed to your face. It’s warm, and you snuggle into it to get closer. Then you feel something poke your shoulder. You blink open your eyes to see big brown eyes on a tiny face. 

“Are you and daddy friends now?”

What?

You look up and see that the warm thing you’re cuddling is actually your boss. You immediately yank yourself back, but forget the handcuff. It yanks him on top of you and the jerking movement makes him wake up.

“What?”, he mumbles sleepily.

Then he realises what’s going on and tries to scramble away.

“Oh, I am so sorry-“

“No, I forgot we were handcuffed and I pulled too hard-“

“That’s my fault-“

“Dad can I have pancakes?”, Jack asks.

You both turn to look at him.

“Of course buddy. I’ll be right down. Can you give daddy 5 minutes?”

“Okay”.

Jack saunters out of the room.

Hotch groans. “I am going to kill Prentiss”.

You giggle, but the sentiment is pretty much the same. 

“Let’s go find her”.

It turns out Emily had hidden the handcuffs under a plant “to be safe” and she apologises profusely as she uncuffs you both. 

“Next time I say no to a dare, it means no”, Hotch tells her.

“Okay”, she tells him. And then looks at you and grabs your hands in supplication. “I am so so sorry. Please forgive me. And don’t let this stop you from going out with us next time, because I promise it’s usually not as bad”.

Hotch glowers at her from beside you. But he seems pleased that at least you’ve been apologised to.

“I have to make breakfast for my son, so go home, or help set the table”, he tells her. 

She rolls her eyes at you.

“Yes sir”.

Hotch stomps away.

Emily and you lock eyes and start giggling. 

Maybe having friends in the BAU won’t be so bad.

Chapter 3

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 10

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of alcohol and vomit & fluff and not edited!! word count: 2.6k

a/n: so obviously this is fiction and we don't actually know what Mat or Liana or his parents personalities are actually like but I took some liberty with Liana's personality. see end for more notes cause I don't want to spoil anything :) also sorry this is so late!! i went back to work and then had trouble with this chapter. i hope you all enjoy! likes, reblogs and comments feed my writing soul so let me know what you think <3

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Liana texts you the day after your meet-up with Mat at the park, apologizing for getting angry with you and asking to go out for drinks. You don’t have it in you to still be upset with her for yelling at you because she was always the little sister you never had and just because you and Mat are having problems, doesn’t mean it should affect your relationship with her. Sometimes you wonder if you’re too quick to forgive and forget but you know that this is an exception. 

“It’s just weird, y’know?” Liana mutters, laying her head on the dirty bar table. She’s on her third drink and you’re close to cutting her off. “I’m going to be an aunt again, but I have this odd feeling about Calista. Like she’s not telling the entire truth.” 

You startle when she suddenly bolts upright and looks at you with wide eyes. 

“What if Mat’s not the father? That would make so much sense!” 

“How so?” you ask carefully. So far, you have successfully kept the fact that Calista is not pregnant a secret. It’s a secret you will have to take to your grave because you can’t let Marlee get in trouble when all she was doing was trying to help you. The truth might come out some day, but it’s something you will deal with then. 

“Mat is just being weird about the whole thing, like he’s hiding something,” she says. “Well, besides the fact that he hasn’t told mom or dad… but there’s something else.” She picks up her glass and drinks the last of her martini before signinally the bartender for a refill. 

“I think it’s time we switch you to Shirley Temples,” you say gently, asking the bartender for a couple glasses of water. 

She tries to wave you off when you push the water towards her but you give her the all too familiar look that you used to give her when you were both younger. 

“Fine, but if I’m getting cut off, so–” she stops talking abruptly, suddenly focused on something across the room. You turn and see a familiar face that makes your heart drop into your stomach because there’s no way she’s that stupid and you’re about to say something but Liana hops off her barstool and before you can stop her, she’s marching across the room to where Calista is sitting. She’s surrounded by a few other people, one of them being a guy you can’t quite place but definitely isn’t Mat, but the real kicker is the drink in her hand. 

You’re not in the business of accusing people but the way she’s laughing loudly and swaying a little in her seat makes you think that it’s not a non-alcoholic drink. You stare a little too long because when you snap out of your stupor, it’s to a loud shriek and shouting. Nearly tripping over your own feet, you rush over to find both Calista and Liana being held back by people and shouting at each other. You manage to drag Liana out of the hands of the person holding her back but you can’t help but stare at Calista in shock. You know she’s not pregnant but you didn’t think she was stupid enough to test her luck by getting drunk at a bar and possibly being seen by people who think she is.  

“I knew something was off about you,” Liana shouts at Calista who only now seems to realize that you are also in the room. Her face, which was red, pales considerably and her eyes widen when she looks at you.

“You are pregnant!” Liana shrieks and when you hear people gasping and the whispers start, you know you need to get Liana out of here now. 

With strength you didn’t realize you have, you drag her outside. She shakes you off as soon as you’re out the doors and promptly throws up all over your shoes. You don’t give yourself time to be grossed out, pulling your phone out of your pocket and calling the first person you think of.

“Hello?” Jax mumbles and you’re panicking enough that you can’t feel sorry that you woke him up. 

“I need you to pick us up,” you gasp and suddenly you’re sixteen again, calling him to pick you up from a party that you snuck out to. 

Jax doesn’t hesitate before agreeing and asking where you are. You rattle off the name of the bar and he says he’ll be there in ten minutes even though you know his apartment is at least twenty minutes away. You’ve never been so grateful to have him as a friend. 

“You didn’t call Mat, right?” Liana asks quietly and you look to see her sitting on the curb, looking absolutely miserable. Her eyes are filled with unspilled tears and you can only imagine what’s going on in her head. 

“No,” you tell her, sitting down next to her and wrapping an arm around her. “I called Jax.”

She nods and leans her head on your shoulder. You sit in silence for a few minutes before she speaks and her voice is quiet and shaky. 

“She was never pregnant, was she?”

Maybe it’s the natural motherly instinct in you, but you realize you can’t lie to her when she’s so upset.

“No,” you tell her and then she’s crying. You know that she’s drunk which makes her more emotionally vulnerable but you also know how sensitive she’s always been and it’s not a weakness. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and it’s only ever made her kinder and wiser than she should be for her age. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you when Mat told me but I was so confused and upset that he was keeping it from us.” 

Then she’s crying even harder. “Oh god, what are we going to tell Mat?”

Truthfully, in the chaos of all this, you haven’t had the chance to think about what you’ll do about Mat. You know Liana won’t keep the truth from him and even if she did, word travels fast and he would eventually find out. You’re not certain he can mentally handle this, not with everything that’s going on between the two of you and his fragile relationship with Nora. He was just getting used to the fact that he has a daughter when Calista dropped the baby bomb on him and now to find out that it’s been a lie? You’ve no idea what he will do. 

“I don’t know,” you tell her honestly and sigh in relief when you see Jax’s car come into view. You stand up, helping her back to her feet just as Jax parks and gets out to help you. 

He looks worried but doesn’t say anything about yours or Liana’s appearance. Once you’re both settled in his car, he tells you he’s going to bring you both to his apartment for the night, obviously not feeling comfortable dropping you home when you’re upset and intoxicated. You know he’s right but all you want to do is curl up in your own bed. 

“Alright,” you agree eventually and he nods, starting the drive back to his place. You must nod off because the next thing you know, Jax is gently shaking your arm, waking you up. 

“I can’t carry you both in,” he jokes and you look back to see Liana completely knocked out. She grumbles when you wake her but she’s coherent enough to walk.

Jax’s boyfriend, Eli, already has their guestroom set up so you get Liana in the bed and then situate yourself on the air mattress. Jax leaves with a promise to check on you both throughout the night and if you weren’t so worried about Liana, you would tell him not to worry but you’re not taking any chances with her.

You lay awake for a while, not able to get the image of Calista drunk and with another guy out of your head. You don’t know how to tell Mat about it and Liana probably won’t either but eventually you drift off to sleep.

. . .

The next morning, you wake before Liana. Jax came in and checked on you both a few times before deciding that it was okay to leave you so you’re surprised to find him awake when you make your way out to the kitchen. It’s just past 8 o’clock but he’s cooking breakfast, singing off tune to Taylor Swift.

“Hey,” you say softly, sitting at the breakfast bar. You know he’s going to want an explanation because even though he let you off the hook last night, he’s going to want to know why Liana was crying and you had vomit on your shoes when he picked you up. 

“Morning,” he replies, placing a coffee in front of you and a piece of plain toast. You can feel his eyes watching you eat and once you’re done, he looks at you expectantly. 

“We saw Calista at the bar last night,” you explain. “Drunk and with some random guy.”

“Huh,” he says, so you look at him. His face is neutral, not showing if he’s surprised. 

“What does huh mean?”

“I mean, you did say something was off about her.” 

That was putting it lightly because although you couldn’t tell him the full story in fear that Marlee would lose her job, you did express your concerns about her without telling him that you knew she wasn’t pregnant. 

“Yeah,” you sigh. 

You hear shuffling from the guest room and look to see Liana walking into the kitchen. She plops down next to you and groans.

“I’m never drinking again,” she says and you can’t help but chuckle despite the circumstances. 

“Said every hungover person ever,” you say and a small smile crosses her face before she frowns, clearly remembering last night's events.

“I have to tell Mat,” she says. “It’s not fair to him that she lied.”

You sigh but nod in agreement. 

“I have to pick Nora up from my moms,” you tell her. “Are you okay to tell him yourself?” 

You really don’t want to be there when Mat finds out, not when you’re dealing with your own feelings towards him. 

“Yeah,” she says, eating the toast Jax offers her. 

You both finish your coffee and then Jax drives you to your apartment and you drop Liana home before picking Nora up. 

She’s ecstatic to see you, telling you everything she did with grandma from the moment you dropped her off until now picking her up. 

“And then, Millie hissed at me but Gizmo barked and scared her away,” she takes a deep breath before continuing her ramblings. “Can we get a kitten?” 

“You’re allergic, remember?” You remind her, and then a thought pops into your mind. Where did she see your mother’s neighbor's cat? “Where did you see Millie?” 

“Mrs. Turner invited us over for tea,” she tells you and then offhandedly adds: “she asked about you and Mat.” 

This doesn’t surprise you because Mrs. Edna Turner is quite the gossiper. You have trust in your mother that she didn’t tell Edna anything private but you’re still curious what exactly they talked about and you know that your child can be sneaky when she wants to be. 

“What did Mrs.Turner ask?” you ask, rolling your eyes when she sighs dramatically and puts her tablet away. 

“Well, first she asked if Mat was really my daddy and when Grandma said yes, she said ‘that poor child’,” she says, face scrunching up in confusion. “What does that mean?”

You make a mental note to talk to your mom about bringing Nora to any future tea parties at Mrs. Turner’s. 

“Nothing,” you assure her. “What else did she say?”

“She told grandma that if she were you, she wouldn’t move me to New York.” Her eyes narrow and she frowns. “I thought you said we weren’t moving to New York.”

“We’re not.”

“Then how come Mrs.Turner said that?” she demands.

“‘Cause Mrs. Turner doesn’t know how to mind her own business,” you mumble and then sigh, looking at Nora so she’s listening. “We’re not moving to New York, okay?” 

She nods and then smiles. “Can we go get ice cream?” 

“Yeah, we can go get ice cream,” you tell her even though it’s nearly dinner. 

Every once in awhile, ice cream for dinner is in order.

. . .

It’s past midnight when there’s a quiet knock on your door, and the only reason you’re awake to hear it is because Liana let you know she told Mat the truth about Calista. She told you that he had left the house as soon as she told him that morning and hadn’t returned home all day. You were expecting a text from him but your phone was silent and that worried you even more.

So, when you open the door to find Mat standing in front of you, red rimmed eyes and looking about two seconds away from crying, you don’t hesitate to let him inside. He slips past you and toes his shoes off before going straight for the couch and sitting down on it. You hesitate, but eventually settle down next to him. 

He’s resting his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands and it takes you a minute to realize he’s crying silently. 

“Mat…” 

“I just - fuck, I thought that this was my second chance, you know? It wasn’t ideal but I would get to do all the things I missed with Nora,” he says, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I was such an idiot.”

It’s not a dig towards you but you still can’t shake the guilt you always feel when he talks about everything he didn’t get to see. Her first steps, first words, first day of kindergarten. All the things you can never get back. 

“It’s not your fault,” you say gently. “You couldn’t have known.”

“I should’ve,” he mumbles and before you can say anything, you hear soft footsteps coming down the hallway. You look to see Nora, rubbing her eyes sleepily and frowning when she sees Mat. 

When he realizes she’s there, he wipes his eyes hastily but it’s not fast enough because Nora walks over to him and deepens her frown.

“Are you okay?” she asks quietly, reaching out and touching his cheek that’s still damp. 

Mat looks like he’s going to say that he’s fine but seems to change his mind last minute. He smiles sadly and shakes his head.

“Not really, peanut,” he tells her and the frown on her face deepens even more than you thought possible. 

“Mama says hugs make things better when you’re sad,” she says, sounding much wiser than a six-year-old should sound. Then, without asking, she climbs up onto his lap and wraps her tiny arms around his neck and hugs him. You can see the moment Mat breaks, hugging her back gently and it’s like all the tension drains from his body. 

You call it the “Nora Effect”, because her little hugs always seem to make you feel better.

“I’m so sorry, Nora,” you hear Mat whisper and you know he’s going to beat himself up over everything that’s happened with Calista - and Nora deserves his apologies, but your kid is one of a kind and you know that she will forgive him.

With time, if he proves himself, he’ll have a place in her life and you can’t wait to see what the future holds for them. 

authors notes: so calista is goneeeee FINALLY. she wasn't supposed to be here as long as she was but I got too carried away with that storyline and i'm glad it's over lol also, I had mixed thoughts about having mama be the one who told Mat that Calista was lying but I just couldn't get it right so I figured next best thing would be Liana! ps: millie is named after my own cat who i will put a pic of in the comments below

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @teapartydreams @alilstressyandlotdepressy @keiva1000 @hischiershoe @bellstwd

@alwaysclassyeagle @brrbrina @nonsensical-nonsence @love-like-woaah @swift-sos @barzygirl13 @ilyrafe

if you want to be added or taken off the list, please let me know :)

[localplaguenurse]

(Puts cracker in your mouth)

I am eating your blind reader right outta the pot and I was struck with a singular thought that hasn’t left my mind

What if when reader bumped into pants he ruined pants’ clothing in some kinda way (spilled drink/smeared ink from hands/food being smeared on etc)

For context: I was brainstorming a future fic starring a blind reader in discord.

You know what? It's not going in the current version so I'm writing this version here. Consider this a part one to the actual fic. (sorry beta)

Falling Head over Heels (Pantalone x Male Reader)

Notes: SFW, first meetings, Pantalone's kind of a dick, and so is Reader's dad. Reader has retinitis pigmentosa which is a genetic condition that causes your retinas to deteriorate over time. He has central vision but also experiences night blindness and loss of peripheral vision. Not beta read.

The sounds of merriment echo through the halls of your family estate, the clicks and clacks of your typewriter unable to drown the sound out as you work. The noises grow louder once the band kicks in, and grow louder still once dinner is served. The smell of fresh food does not travel to your study like the music and laughter did, this section of the manor is a little too remote for that, but you know with the chime of the clock on your wall that this is when it should be brought out.

While not an outright demand, your father had advised you wait in your office for a servant to bring you a helping. Your mother protested, saying there were plenty of people who would love to meet her darling sweetheart of a son, there's no need for you to stay cooped up in your study! You gently reassured her that it was fine, really. The deadline for your novel's first draft is coming up soon, so you really should focus on finishing it as soon as you can. Besides, there is some rather elite company attending the party, and you know your father does not want to risk you making a fool of yourself, and also him by association.

Time ticked on, and your stomach growled, breaking the concentration you barely maintained on writing. You look up, right at the spot on the wall where the clock is. While you can't really see the time at this distance, you know the staff should have brought you your helping some time ago. You sigh, and stand.

You don't dislike parties, you think you enjoy them as much as the next person actually. The problem is that you don't like large, crowded parties due to your condition. Your central vision is perfectly fine, but you've been steadily losing your peripheral vision ever since you were little. It's been especially bad the past few years, to the point you will trip over anything that is not directly in front of you, like furniture and people. When your parents throw elaborate parties or host networking events, your father will suggest you stay up in your room or your study (to avoid any blunders as a result of not seeing the millionaire standing right beside you). While you know there is good meaning behind it, it feels isolating, even a little patronizing at times.

Even if the darkness of the hallway renders you completely blind, you've walked down it enough times you do not worry about tripping. Hand on the railing, you make your way down the stairs, and the light of the estate grows brighter with each step you take down. Before you fully descend, you let your eyes scan the room to try and make a mental map of where everyone is to avoid bumping into anyone on your way.

You barely make it to the ground before you feel a familiar presence and smell a familiar blend of cologne and champagne on your right. You're glad you can't see out of the corner of your eyes because you know exactly what face your father is making right now. You know he's not happy to see you downstairs before he even speaks.

"I thought you were working on your manuscript?" he asks, the accusatory tone in his voice on the more subtle side.

You shrug. "I wanted something to eat."

"Colleen was supposed to bring you your food," your father retorts.

"If she did, I wouldn't have come downstairs, would I?"

Your father scoffs. "Look, just go back upstairs, and I'll talk to Colleen."

A second voice chimes in, softer and sweeter. Your mother. "Oh, sweetie!" Her face comes into view, and she seems happy to see you. "Are you done your manuscript already?"

"Colleen didn't bring him his food, apparently," your father says.

Your mom turns her head in the direction of your father's voice. "Dear, Colleen left early, remember? Wasn't feeling well? She said Adelaide was supposed to bring him his food." "That's a lie, I haven't seen Adelaide at all tonight!"

You raise a hand. "Or, or, I'm an adult who knows where the kitchen is and can get my own serving?"

Your mother cups your face in her hands. "No no, we'll get you something, unless you're here to socialize as well? I was just talking to this woman, she has a daughter about your age-"

"I'm just going to get my food," you quickly cut in, "maybe I'll play matchmaker next time, but I just want something to eat and then I'll get back to work."

"Let the staff get it," your father tells you.

You pull away from your mother and turn to glare at your father. "It's fine. I can get it myself."

You step around your parents but feel your mom clasp your arm. "You father just-"

"Doesn't want me bumping into people, I know, and I won't."

You take two steps before your left side slams right into a passing partygoer. You stumble and hit the ground, while whoever you bumped into manages to maintain their footing. Glass breaks, and when you hit the ground you feel wetness soaking the back of your shirt and the front as well. You hear your mother gasp, and the room goes silent. Even the band has paused their playing, and you can feel the eyes of the room on you.

"What is wrong with you?"

While the man's voice is melodic, it only serves to make your face burn hotter with embarrassment. This is why your dad doesn't invite you to join them at parties, you remind yourself. When you do not immediately answer the question, opting to instead push yourself up, the man continues to chastise you.

"Do you have any idea how much this suit cost? How much it's going to cost to have it properly cleaned?"

You roll over so you're sitting up. Red stains your shirt. "Sorry, I-I didn't see you there."

"Clearly! How painfully unobservant do you have to be to not see me coming through? I was right next to you!"

You drag your gaze up the man's body, as he takes up the entirety of your eyesight. Everything he wears looks designer, and as you take in his shoes, his dress pants, you make it to his suit jacket and shirt. He's wearing black with hints of indigos and dark blues, but the wine stain is still very visible on his chest. Your eyes continue, and you see a snarling, but handsome, but still very angry face. You don't recognize him from the long black hair, the glasses with the bedazzled chain, or the shine of his eyes. You recognize him from the pin on his lapel. At this distance you recognize the Fatui symbol, and your face blanches.

You just ran into a Harbinger.

You hear the footsteps of your father approach. "M-Mister Regrator, I am so, so sorry for my son's actions, I-I'm sure that's a very expensive suit and I am deeply sorry."

The Regrator does not take his eyes off of you. "Yes. Very expensive. Expensive even for you."

"I-I swear, I'm sorry," you stammer, "I didn't see you, I really didn't see you there, I-I-"

You feel your father pull you up by the arm. "I already told you to go upstairs."

Pantalone watches as your father drags you away. You only protest a little before accepting defeat as you are pulled up the stairs. He feels the scowl on his face worsen when your mother approaches with the most desperate and pitiful expression he thinks he's ever seen a woman of her standing wear.

"Are you alright, my lord?" she asks timidly.

Pantalone takes a step back as a maid comes over to clean up the broken glass. "I'm fine, thank you."

"I am so sorry about that, if you'd like, w-we can have our staff clean your suit for you."

"This material is incredibly expensive and difficult to thoroughly wash," Pantalone states, "I highly doubt your staff would know how to clean it."

The woman looks down, embarrassed. "A-Ah, I see..." She looks back up at him, her expression somehow more pitiful than before. "Please, forgive my son, it was an accident, truly. H-He didn't see you there."

"Oh, I know," Pantalone replies, grinning harshly at the woman, "I'm just surprised at how unobservant someone can be, it's almost impressive."

The woman bites her lip, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Still, she clears her throat, though she does not meet the Regrator's eyes. "M-My son is going blind."

Somehow the room goes quieter.

Pantalone stares at the woman as the words echo in his mind. He blinks, and his expression dulls a little. "Your son is what?"

"Going blind." She lifts her head up a little bit. "It's a genetic condition, m-my father had it as well. He's been losing his eyesight little by little ever since he was a boy. The doctor at his last appointment s-said he's lost most if not all peripheral vision now."

Pantalone can feel the wine begin to soak through to his shirt now. His eyes scan the room, and the guests are clearly pretending they're not listening to the conversation. He turns to the woman, his voice displeased but noticeably softer. "So the, ah, 'unobservant' assumption..."

"He truly did not see you," the woman reiterates, "I-I can't speak for him, of course, but if he's anything like how my father was at his age, he cannot see anything unless it is directly in front of him."

Pantalone clicks his tongue. "Is that so?"

The woman nods. Silence fills the room for a few moments, and then Pantalone sighs.

"In any case, I have to leave," he says, "I do not have a change of clothes, and I really should have this cleaned as soon as possible."

"A-Apologies again, Lord Pantalone..."

Your mother watches Pantalone as he leaves, praying to any Archon who will hear her plea that perhaps the Regrator will take pity on you on account of your condition. She also mentally curses your father for even inviting the man over. Sure, things have been getting a little shaky financially for your family, but getting buddy-buddy with a Harbinger can't be worth it, can it? They're an unsavoury lot she doesn't want around, especially around you.

Your father is already in a foul mood when he comes back downstairs, having lectured you for literally blindly running into Pantalone. The two had plans to work together, after all, so that spectacle could have completely cost the family any chance at maintaining the dwindling fortune. He becomes more upset with your mother when he finds the Regrator has left already, sparking an argument that finally kills the party, leaving the guests to awkwardly mingle before finally leaving hours before the party is set to end.

Your father does not talk to you for a few days. Your mother offers smiles and reassurance that everything will be fine, but the spats echoing down the hall lead you to believe otherwise. You attempt to tune out the building stress in your household and focus on your work, but it's in vain. In the quiet moments between replacing the paper in the typewriter, or when you cannot figure out how a scene is meant to play out, you briefly picture the Regrator's face and feel your face burn up again. Is it anger? Embarrassment? A little bit of attraction? Yes, probably.

The tension in the house reaches a boiling point when a letter sealed with the Regrator's insignia is delivered to the estate.

"You're paying for the suit, boy," your father snaps, figure barely visible as he paces the drawing room lit only by the fireplace.

"W-We don't know if that's what the letter is," your mother remarks, "and he doesn't have enough to cover for it."

"That's the worst part! We would have to cover the majority of it!"

"Can you just open the fucking envelope?!" you finally snap.

Your father advances towards you from the darkness, suddenly right in front of you. "Don't you speak to me like that when this is your fault!"

Both of you flinch when your mother all but rips the envelope from your father's hands. She steps just out of your line of vision, and you hear the ripping sound of the envelope. After a few moments, she lets out a loud sigh of relief.

"He's apologizing and forgiving us for the misunderstanding," your mother says, "though he, ah, he does want us to split the cleaning costs..." You hear the flutter of paper, and she absentmindedly steps forward as she reads the letter. "Oh, j-just for the shirt. That is... oof, that's still a little much..."

You sigh. "I should have enough money saved. Might have to put off moving out for a little longer, though."

"Oh, don't be so down!" your mother awkwardly laughs. "We don't mind having you here a little longer. It gives me peace of mind knowing you're safe! And there are o better doctors out there than in Snezhnaya!"

Your dad has disappeared out of view, but you can still feel his stare. You don't think he's as thrilled as your mother is, but it's better than him paying the full cost of Pantalone's dry cleaning. You wonder if there's anything in the letter stating if he'll still work with your father, and if that means you'll have to see him again before you eventually move. You hope you never see him out of sheer embarrassment, but a part of you wants to. It would be nice to remember a more cheery expression on his handsome face before the day your central vision finally leaves you.

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Why does Monkey live with Leah and not her own family?

— monkey's past | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

despite her wild and chaotic antics, the girl's background is actually pretty sad and she doesn't like to talk much about it.

the nightmares from monkey's past at night haunt her sometimes.

monkey always considered her relationship with her parents her father to be challenging and hard, while the relationship with her mother is pretty much non-exsistant.

she finds it hard to talk about them things.

her mother abandoned her only child when she was little, no explanation - one day monkey woke up and the women had fled.

there was no goodbye, no note, nothing.

the resentment for the women was still is there and whenever monkey is asked about her mother, she's always quick to drop the subject.

the team have learned that the hard way in the past.

"my mother is dead,"

"is she really?"

"no, but... well, she might as well be,"

monkey's relationship with her father was complicated to say the least, the man had to raise her alone when his wife walked out on them when monkey was just shy of 2 for a whole new family.

her father had a few various different coping mechanisms - throwing himself into his work and drinking, sometimes even drugs.

the man definitely did have a temper and the scars on monkey's back prove it, unfortunately.

"i'm sorry dad,"

"sorry isn't good enough. you should know better!"

"dad,"

"your nothing but a disappointment, your mother had the right idea to leave you when she did. get out of my sight, now!"

if the man wasn't passed out on the sofa drunk or lashing out at his daughter with his fists, he was throwing himself into his work.

monkey was completely neglected and alone, but he was clever and always made it seem like he was the caring doting father, so he was to never get caught out.

monkey never got to escape her fathers' clutches until she was 16

when arsenal scouted monkey, the man was more than happy enough to sign the papers and all but washed his hands off her.

"i've washed my hands off her, shes' your problem now."

there was never any contact from that day.

not even on birthday or christmases.

monkey should have felt a sense of freedom, but instead she was lost.

the man who had so much hatred for his daughter and all she wanted craved was his approval.

monkey has always been a life-long gooner, joining the academy when she turned 8 and it felt like a dream come true, her dad was a gooner as well - it's in her blood, she lives and breathes arsenal.

being only 16 when she signed, she was taken under the wing of the older girls, more so specifically leah who she moved in with, along with kim, the two she formed a pretty close bond with.

"your my person, you both are. i love you."

"we've always got your back here, monkey."

"and your never alone, you have family here."

"we love you too, menace."

it was at the age of 18 when monkey found out her dad died, not that it made any difference at all.

"ha, well guess that i really am an orphan now, right?"

"monkey,"

"was it the drinking or drugs that killed him? it was only a matter of time,"

after all, monkey thinks that dark humor is the way to make things better.

it's become her coping mechanism.

"should i care? he didn't care about me when i was alive, why should i care about him when he's dead?"

it's safe to say that monkey's past is pretty haunting to her, but with the stability that she has around her, its' better now she has the arsenal girls to look out for her.

monkey has her chosen family, she is protected and loved by all of the older girls, despite how much of a menace she can be at times.

I didn't plan for this to be so sad, but here we go. feel free to continue to send me hc's for this little world i'm creating!

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 10: How Did It End Up Like This?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter ten of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6K

Warnings: References to sex, Kind of depressing, Cursing, Drinking, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, this one is really sad y'all, like REALLY sad, I'm serious this one is really sad.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

1980

“Ben, stop.” You shout.

“Move damn it!” Ben’s eyes blaze a dark green sending a tremor down your spine, but you don’t budge.

“No.”

“Get the fuck out of my way.” He snarls louder.

You stand defiantly in front of him, where he towers over you, eyes narrowed, and shoulders tensed. His broad shoulders block the fluorescent lights that hang overhead and illuminate the gym, dramatizing his imposing figure.

“I’m not going to. So you’re either going to have to move me yourself or you can go cool off.” Your retort your voice icy.

The heat from Ben’s anger vibrated through the air between you, but you weren’t going to move. Not when he was being ridiculous.

Noir was angry, angry that Ben took a movie role that he wanted. In hindsight you also thought it was ridiculous that Ben needed to star in all the movies. He was already America’s First Superhero and the Golden Boy and America’s Sweetheart, but it wasn't enough for him for some reason. You often thought his obsession with fame had something to do with his dad. Ben had a lot of problems when it came to his father, all of which made Ben compensate other ways, such as, feeling the need to be in charge, feeling the need to be loved and accepted by others he didn’t know, being unable to express his emotions, and the current problem which was feeling the need to claim the dominant role as most popular superhero.

Aka when he turned into Captain Toxic Masculinity.

Honestly, you were exhausted. All of this was exhausting. Ben was exhausting.  As someone who’d loved him this long you couldn’t help but see the shift from the boy you used to know into something unrecognizable. Occasionally you could see Ben, the old Ben, your Ben, who laughed with you, but those moments were few and certainly didn’t happen in public.

You shoulders tense with the force of your own anger and frustration, standing tall between Ben and Noir who lays on the ground behind you. Noir hadn't made an effort to get up, still stunned from the blows he took from Ben. The first few punches you hadn’t stopped, but it was when Ben felt the need to continue despite Noir’s pleas to stop that you had to step in.

You didn’t know where that came from, Ben’s need to beat people who were conceding. When he was younger you'd seen Ben get in a fight before, but those few times he hadn't continued to beat the other person when they gave up. The smell of whiskey and reefer floats off his clothes and you wonder how much he’s had to drink. Ben had two moods when he was drunk angry or clingy, and right now the anger was winning. You could hear the mad pump of his blood through his body and you wonder what else he might have taken today.

Because whiskey and reefer isn't enough? If he wasn't so damn indestructible he'd probably be dead from overdose.

Ben’s lip is curled back in a sneer, eyes flashing from where Noir lays on the ground then back to you. You know that he's ten seconds away from ripping Noir in half, and that's why you don't move. Noir didn't deserve that.

The way Ben's eyes burn through the space between you is hauntingly familiar as the memory of the night you hid Ben from his father settled over your mind. You fight the shudder at the comparison.

Ben wasn’t anything like his father. The thought is immediate, but then the memory of the past forty years begins to settle over your mind. Or maybe he was.

“Fucking pussy. Having a woman stand up for you.” Ben snaps at Noir.

Ben leans around you to spit at him, then raises his gaze back to you one more time before he stomps off, slamming the door of the gym so hard that it breaks the glass.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Everyone on Payback was watching you like you were crazy and you partly were. Getting in between Ben and someone else was beyond stupid. It wasn’t the first time, but you knew that you were the only person that could do it. If Countess or Gunpowder had stepped in Ben would not have relented. It had to be you. It always had to be you.

And you hated the weight of that burden on your shoulders.

You turn towards Noir, holding out a hand to help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighs taking it . “You didn’t have to do that.”

“He’s just being… well. Him.” You mutter.

You hated that this was the new harsh reality, the new Ben that was born when he took the serum and became America’s First Superhero.

“It was incredibly stupid.” Countess sniffs from where she stands with the TNT Twins. Gunpowder is leaning back against the outer ring with Mindstorm who stares unblinkingly at you.

“Well, guess I took a page out of your book then.” You say, narrowing your eyes at her.

You couldn’t stand her. Ever since she joined Payback all she’d done was try to catch Ben’s eye and get between the two of you, but he never gave her the time of day. She had quickly won the favor of everyone else on Payback, which only made you even more angry because it always seemed like you were the odd one out wherever you went.

Countess only sneers back in response, flipping her red hair over her shoulders. Despite Ben's exit the tension in the room is almost choking. Your so-called team was watching you with unreadable expressions and you suddenly got the impression that you were trespassing or interrupting. It had happened before, when you came to a training session early and you walked in on the rest of the team, sans Ben, talking in hushed tones and they immediately broke apart when you appeared.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that despite the fact you stood between Ben and Noir, the rest of the team still didn’t like having you there. Probably because they associated you with Ben. It made you uneasy.

Because despite Stan’s efforts to keep you all together Ben's continuous outbursts drove you all further and further apart. And you worried what would happen the day when the shoe finally dropped.

One look at the clock on your wall showed that it was almost one in the morning, but you weren't tired. All you could think about is what almost happened to Noir. It wasn't that you particularly liked anyone on Payback other than Ben, honestly the whole superhero thing was getting tedious and you had considered more than once getting out.

But you couldn't. Sometimes you felt responsible for Ben, like you were the only thing keeping him on the straight and narrow. Of course every single damn day that road was getting narrower and narrower and now it was more like a balance beam than a two way street.

Ben's new outlook on life that revolved around drugs, women, more drugs, and more women didn't make it easier. 

You frown at your sketchpad remembering when Ben founded Herogasm. You'd gone the first time, regretted walking through the door, stayed ten minutes, and then left.

Sex without feelings never appealed to you, but that wasn't why you left, it was watching Ben with other women that hurt you. You could barely get through it when he mentioned something in passing, but watching him there with them made you uncontrollably angry and not to mention frustrated. You didn't understand him, couldn't understand why Ben was different around you. Didn't know why whenever you were alone he would give you hope, just to take it all away again.

How could so much change? How could everything go to shit so quickly?

You think of all the years that followed the night that Ben asked you to come with him, how you thought that Ben was telling you that he loved you in his own way. But he didn’t. You were realizing that now, as painful as it was to admit to yourself, Ben only saw you as a friend, would only ever see you as a friend.

When you decided to come with him you thought that the change would be your friendship into something else, but it never came, the only thing that changed was Ben.

A loud banging at your door makes your entire apartment shudder and pulls you out of your memories of the past.

There's only one person who can do that.

Your home was a small two-bedroom apartment in New York City, but you loved it. It was quaint and comfortable and each time you came home you felt relaxed because you were able to shut out the life you lived everyday. The small kitchen was barely big enough for two people to stand in, but it made it more intimate and cozy. The living room had a soft leather couch, but no tv despite Ben’s complaints that you should get one. He hated that you couldn’t watch his films when he came over. You liked listening to music more anyway. Your collection of vinyl lined the living room wall in clean bookcases next to a small record player. The spare bedroom served as your studio, not that you were trying to sell your art, but because you needed a place to exist where you weren't a supe and where you weren't in love with Ben. There were stacks of sketchbooks in the studio closet from when you were a child, but you couldn't bear to get rid of them. Sometimes you imagined living here with Ben, cooking in the small kitchen while he read the newspaper, lounging on the couch and listening to music together, and falling asleep on his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around you.

You sigh, pushing away the warmth of the thought, and wave your hand to telekinetically unlock the front door behind you. The familiar purple glow from your abilities fills the apartment. Ben had a key, but you figured he just wanted to make an entrance.

Always the drama queen.

“Got anything to drink?” He asks as he enters the living room.

You glance over the back of the couch to look at him. He's more casually dressed now, wearing a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt the same color of his suit.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d stop by, see if you’re still pissed.”

“As I recall it was you that was pissed.” You roll your eyes at him.

“Only because you were getting in my way Sweetheart” The way he says your nickname is harsh and mocking, so different than the way the old Ben used to say it. When it sounded genuine, caring, almost special.

“Because you were about to rip Noir apart!” You gesture with the pencil in your hand, snapping your sketchpad shut.

“That pussy deserved it. Thinking he was better than me. I’m fucking Soldier Boy and he’s nothing more than a-“ Ben scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Ben I can’t do this if you’re gonna be like this right now.”  You interrupt pinching the bridge of your nose with your fingertips, still annoyed from earlier. You hated that he did that, when he made you feel like his babysitter, when he made you feel like you had to make apologies for him.

“Like what?”

“High, drunk, acting crazy-“

“I’m not acting fucking crazy!” He snaps.

“Ben-“ You begin with a sigh.

“Fine.” He spits. “We don’t have to fucking talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.” You wave a hand haphazardly towards the kitchen. “There should be some whiskey in there somewhere. Though I don’t think you need anything else to drink.” Your nose wrinkles as you inhale, the smell of stale alcohol wafting back, followed by the unmistakable scent of perfume and sweat.

The super senses really sucked sometimes. Smelling the women that Ben had sex with was an unfortunate skill you had acquired.

“Fuck off.” He rolls his eyes, but waits for a minute eyeing you. “You’re not going to get it for me?”

You ignore his sharp tone and turn back to your sketchpad. “Nope. I don’t want to enable you.”

Ben stomps into your kitchen. It's immediately followed by the loud banging of him searching the cabinets for booze.

He should know where it is, spends enough time here.

“If you break anything, you’re going to fix it.” You shout opening your sketchbook back to the page you were on. You were drawing the Philadelphia of your youth, the familiar streets, the cars, and the women dressed in beautiful outfits.

“My hands are better suited for other things Sweetheart.” You hear him mutter under his breath and you try not to snap your pencil in half. His taunt made you think about Herogasm and the scent of perfume on his skin, and that was the last thing you wanted to think about.

Ben comes back and slumps onto the couch beside you, a large whiskey gripped in his hand. He sighs loudly to get your attention when you don't look up from your drawing.

"Alright, what is it?” You ask continuing to draw.

"Nothing.” He grumbles drinking from his glass.

“Ben, I’ve known you for over fifty years I can tell when you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Well I doubt it’s over what you said or did to Noir today. So what is it? What are you not upset about?”

"I just thought it would be different." Ben swirls the glass in his hands.

"What?"

"Being on Payback."

"What do you mean?" You continue to sketch the shape of a woman walking down the streets.

"When I first started doing all this fucking superhero shit it was different. Felt like I was promoting something, now it kinda feels like I’m just here. And no one respects me.”

“They’re not going to respect you if you keep threatening them and beating up whoever pisses you off.” You mutter.

“They might.” He snaps.

They won't.

"Well the way things are going with Russia I’m sure there will be another war." You sigh, thinking about the recent newspaper headlines. Everything was devoted to the Cold War, everyone was afraid of what Russia was doing or what they were planning. Stan Edgar and Legend were talking about some Anti-Communist campaign videos and posters that they wanted you to pose for, but you weren't sure you wanted to.

"You think so?" He sounds optimistic.

"I’m not gonna hope for one, but probably. I get it though. You’re doing all those movies and premieres and photo shoots, it doesn't feel real."

It was exactly how you felt. You felt that all this supe shit was coming to a head and what did you have to show for it? A few pictures of you holding up a car or a painted caricature of you on the side of a jet or a short film with stupid prerecorded lines that made no sense and even more ridiculous outfits that Legend tried to get you to wear. When you got the serum with Ben you thought you’d be contributing something to society, but no. It was just like when you were a child, dressed up like a China doll, made to be looked at but never used.

"I like those movies."

"I’ve noticed." You breathe remembering earlier when Ben almost killed Noir over the movie role.

Noir technically started that, but Ben just took it way too far.

"What about you?"

The question catches you off guard. “What about me?”

"You haven’t done any movies lately. Legend said that you turned down a few films." Ben takes a swig from the glass in his hand.

"Aren’t you afraid that I’ll steal some of your thunder Soldier Boy?” Your taunt. “Because I already saw what you tried to do to Noir today. And I’d rather you not beat me to a pulp-“

“You’re not like Noir. You’re different.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” You sigh rolling your eyes at him.

Ben sits there for a minute. You can feel his gaze on you. “I’d never hurt you y/n.”

The softer cadence of his voice makes you pause your pencil against the page. You knew it was true. Even when Ben was pissed off it was the line he never crossed. Ben never touched you when he was angry, but it never made it any easier to deal with him.

“Hey.” Ben whispers to get your attention, but you continue to look down at your paper. “Look at me.” His thumb comes under you chin to lift your eyes to his.

“You know that right?” Ben’s gaze is soft, you hadn’t expected it to be given the way he entered you apartment and his sullen mood. “You know that I’d never hurt you?”

The look in his eyes makes your throat tight, makes you see the Ben you used to know, who promised to look out for you and who promised to be strong for the both of you. And it hurts more than you thought it would, because you weren't sure that boy was still there.

“Yeah. I know.” You nod, but you don’t smile. You knew it was what he wanted to hear. “You’ve been talking to Legend about me?” You say to make the warm feeling of his touch fade.

He shrugs satisfied with your response, the softness fading from his eyes as he drops his hand. “I was worried.”

You fold your legs up under you. “I don’t know, I didn't love any of the scripts. And I’ve been thinking about getting out. I’ve been doing this so long-"

It was the first time you'd said it aloud to Ben. You'd mentioned it once to Legend and then made sure he never said anything about it. You weren't sure how Ben would react to you leaving.

"What?" Ben's eyes widen in surprise.

"Come on Ben, you’re telling me that you don’t want to have a normal life? Meet someone, have some kids, settle down? We’ve been doing this shit for years. Doesn’t get any easier."

"Sometimes.” He smirks at you. “So who’s the guy?”

“What?” You raise your eyebrows in confusion.

“The guy you’re going to settle down with.”

“What makes you assume that I’ve met him?”

“I mean, I’ve never seen you with anyone. And I’ve never walked in on you fucking anyone. Plus, you never come to Herogasm-“ Ben pauses. “It’s not Noir is it? Is that why you were protecting him today?”

“No.” You scoff, shading the side of a building to avoid his gaze, because how do you tell him that you met the only person you’d ever wanted when you were 8 years old?

“Good.” Ben drinks from his glass. “I do think about it sometimes.” He says it quietly.

“Huh?”

“The house, having a few rugrats.” He shrugs. “Might be nice.”

“Yeah.” Your throat is tight imagining Ben with someone else like Countess, sitting at his wedding, watching him say those vows to someone else. You didn't think you'd be able to just sit there if it came to that.

“How about you and I get married?” He says it nonchalantly.

You roll your eyes. You knew he didn’t mean it. He was just saying it to joke with you like always. Ben never saw you that way, you were realizing that more and more each day, even though it hurt to think it.

“We’d kill each other before we say I do.” You quip staring down at the page.

“Maybe. But really, we’ve known each other long enough-“

“That’s not a reason to get married. Plus, we both know that you’re not a one woman kind of guy and if you're actually being serious about this it would mean that you would have to change-“

You think about it. If Ben actually did want to commit, could he do it? His wandering eyes and hands would drive you crazy if he finally did want to start a relationship. You definitely did not want an open relationship. You wanted Ben to be wholly yours as much as you would be his, because you knew that if you devoted yourself to Ben, he would probably cheat, but then be furious if you spent any amount of time with someone else. You remembered all the ways he acted around Howard. Ben was crazy around him, and you and Ben hadn’t been together.

Imagine what he would do to someone else if we were.

“I can be a one woman kind of guy-“ Ben scoffs. “I can do anything.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” You mutter, but you know he can hear you.

Ben puts down his glass on your coffee table before his hand lays on top of yours against the sketchpad in you lap.

“Y/n.” He whispers. You can smell the whiskey on his breath, but you don’t look up at him, you can’t. Because you know as soon as you look into his eyes you’ll do whatever he wants.

But you didn’t want to be his consolation prize. You didn’t want Ben to marry you because he was bored, drunk, and he thought he might as well marry you. You wanted Ben to marry you because he was 100% head over heels for you as much as you were for him.

He tilts your chin upwards to look at him. Electricity thrums in your veins when you lock eyes, the look in his gaze is open, gentle, almost tender.

It reminds you of the boy you used to know. Lately you hadn’t seen him. If you were being honest, you hadn’t seen him much since the night he came to ask you to come with him, before the serum, when you thought he finally realized that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

The only time you’d see the real Ben was when it was just the two of you, not the angry, macho, vengeful fighter for justice that he put on whenever he was in front of the team or in front of the cameras. You didn’t understand that. He said that showing emotions made him less of a man, but he never seemed to have a problem being different when it was just the two of you.

You hated that. In those quiet moments you felt your heart clench tight in your chest because each time you thought that he would finally admit that he loved you, that after all these years you were the one.

But he never did.

“I could change.” Ben whispers. “I could be with one woman.” 

“Ben.” You take in a deep breath to clear your head, fighting the ball of emotion that has begun to burn at the back of your throat. “You’re drunk.” You breathe.

He blinks a few times as if he can’t comprehend what you're saying.

“You always get like this when you’re drunk. You know?” You pull back from where his hand rests on your chin.  “But you can stay if you want. There’s some pizza in the fridge and I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.” You stand and step around him, the urge to cry building in your chest.

“Okay.” Ben whispers to the air, because you're already gone, fleeing down the hallway before he can see you cry.

When you step into the shower you allow yourself to break. The soft sobs drowned out by the sound of running water. You wished you could move past this, all of this and more importantly you wished that you hadn’t fallen in love with him. 

Memories of the past lodge themselves in the back of your throat. You remember the day he begged you to come with him to get the Compound V injection, when you left your life behind and chose him. You thought that was his way of saying he loved you, that he couldn’t live without you. You were wrong. It hurt to admit that, but you were wrong. Ben didn’t try to build on the relationship you had, he kept it the same, the friendly banter, the hugs, hanging around with you whenever he couldn’t stand to be alone. He still slept over, but that’s all that happened. You thought that day meant something, that it was the beginning of something, some wonderful romanticized future filled with warmth and love.

You never thought it would be like this.

You didn’t regret going with him often, but on nights like this when it was late and Ben was drunk and he acted differently you did. Because it made you think that there was a chance of a future with him, but then when he woke up the next day sober, it started all over again with him being short tempered and a dick to everyone who was around him.

It was exhausting. And you didn’t know how much more of it you could take.

The only thing you regretted about the serum was that it made you immortal, invulnerable, and that meant whoever you decided to make a life with would die. There was only a handful of others like you and you hadn’t liked any of them except Ben. You wondered if this was your penance for saying no to Howard, your mother's last laugh when she said that Ben would never choose you and now you had to go on like this forever.

You remember the fear that you would be trapped in a marriage with Howard, you never thought that you'd feel trapped with Ben.

But now…

When you walk back into your bedroom, Ben’s already in your bed, laying on his back, smoking a blunt and looking at the ceiling. He's wearing a pair of sweatpants, that you bought him forever ago so he didn't have to sleep in his jeans, and the same t-shirt as before.

“What did I say about smoking those in here?” You sigh, getting into bed beside him, but being careful as to not touch even though it’s all you want.

“It’s a free country doll.” Ben mutters, but he puts it out in the ashtray that you left for him on the bedside table. Because you knew that he would continue to do it even when you told him not to.

The amount of times he ended up here at night always surprised you. Ben might have been bed hopping, snorting, and drinking himself into a stupor but the amount of times you woke up with him in bed next to you was astounding. He’d let himself in with the key you made him for emergencies while you were asleep. It was almost like he didn’t sleep in his apartment anymore and you hated how much you depended on him being there in the morning when you woke up. But the truth was, Ben was all you had, and the thought of losing him scared you. Which meant you continued to put up with the man he became, trying to hold tight to the image of the boy he used to be.

You lay on your back beside him, looking up at the ceiling. The inch of space between your bodies is almost too obvious. “I’m going to go to Philadelphia for a few days.” You breathe.

“Why?”

“My brother isn’t doing too well. His son called.” You say, your throat thick. “He said he thinks that it’s time.”

Your parents had passed a few years ago and Ben had gone to the funerals with you. When Ben’s father had passed, he hadn’t gone to the funeral, he’d drowned himself in the 21st annual Herogasm. And after he showed up on your doorstep smelling like sweat, drugs, booze, and cheap perfume. You’d made him take a shower before getting into bed. The next morning you had woken up in his arms, but more surprising was the fact that he had woken up before you and hadn't pushed you away, in fact he had held you closer to him. You figured that he needed someone there with him. His father had done and said horrible things to Ben, and you kept him company if that’s what he wanted, but couldn’t admit it.

“I’m sorry.” His hand finds yours on the bed. The gesture surprises you.

“Yeah. But that’s the way it is now, I guess.” You whisper, squeezing it.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t age. Everyone else does. Means that we’ll always just see everyone else go.”

“But not us.” Ben says it like he’s trying to cheer you up.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

Does that mean it’s always going to be like this? Me waiting for him to come here after a 24 hour non stop orgy or after he’s had one two many? Just because he can’t stand the thought of being alone?

You didn’t want that future. You knew that he wanted to be there with you, but it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t the same thing you wanted.

Maybe getting out of this would be good. Put some distance between me and him, let me try to find me again.

Ben is quiet for a minute, the only sound you hear is the thrum of the blood in his veins and his heart steadily pumping it.

“Do you want me to come?” He says it slowly, his thumb rubs against the back of your hand in a soothing motion. 

The question breaks something inside of you, because you wanted nothing more than to have him there with you, but you didn’t want the version of Ben who was Soldier Boy, the loud, angry, short tempered version who was always high or drunk. The one that you felt that you needed to apologize for.

“Nah. It’ll be okay. I’ll get to see my great nephew. He’s supposed to be walking now.” You try to force cheeriness into your tone, but it doesn’t stick.

“Okay.”

You can’t help but wonder if Ben is hurt by your rejection. You did not often say no to him.

He doesn’t let go of your hand though, in fact he brings it up against his chest while he looks at the ceiling.

"Do you regret it?” Ben says in almost a whisper

"Hmm?”

“Coming with me.”

You pause for a second and think about lying, but finally settle on the truth. “Sometimes."

"Why?” Ben's voice rumbles against where your hand lays against his chest, and for a second you think he sounds almost pained.

"We’ve changed so much than who we were back then. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself.”

You didn’t want to say that it was him you didn’t recognize. Or that it always felt that you were running after the boy he used to be. The one that made you feel safe, comforted, made it feel like home.

"I don’t think change is a bad thing."

Of course you don't.

"It is if it’s in the wrong direction.” You whisper, but know he can hear you.

“So that’s why you want out? Because you don’t recognize yourself? Seems like a shitty reason."

“I just think it might be nice to try something new. I’ve been doing this for such a long time-“

“That’s why the films would be a good idea. If you want I can talk to the director about you being a co-star in the one we start filming next week. He won't say no to me-“ It was the closest you’d ever heard him come to pleading, besides the night he asked you to come with him to get the serum.

But why? Was it his way of keeping me with him? Was it because he didn’t want me to leave because he wanted me here? Or was it because he just wanted someone there to sit with when the silence was too much? The silence that seems to follow when he's not with me.

“Ben I’m okay. It’s okay I just want something different.”

“Like what?” You hand is still clutched in his where it rests over his chest and you can't help but wonder why. It was surprising. Sure Ben tolerated the occasional hug, but holding your hand for this long was unusual. You attributed it to the booze. When Ben got drunk he tended to be more clingy, he never admitted that, but you saw it.

“I don’t know. I just want a family again-“

“You have a family. You said you’re going to see your great nephew-" Ben says it like he doesn't want you to leave and it breaks something inside you.

How can he not admit that he cares about me? That he loves me? He has to after all these years doesn't he?

“I know. I mean I want a family. Someone to come home to every night, someone I love, someone who loves me-“ You fight to keep the frustrated tears from falling. The dream of him and you inhabiting your apartment together washes back over your mind in shades of gray. You wanted that so badly.

“Oh.”

“You don’t want that?” It’s taking everything for you not to tell Ben that you want it to be him, that you always wanted it to be him.

“Maybe.”

The silence grows between the two of you as you lay there and Ben still hasn't let go of your hand.

“Did you want to marry him?” He says after a few minutes.

“What?” You look at him confused. Ben isn't looking at the ceiling like you thought, he's looking at you. He almost looks, sorry. And you wonder again how much he's had to drink.

“That asshole." He clarifies.

"Howard?"

"Yeah."

“It’s been 40 years-“ You sigh as if it doesn’t matter. But it does. You chose Ben that night and you thought that him asking you to come with him meant that he was choosing you as well.

“Come on.” Ben squeezes the hand that rests against his chest.

“Why does it matter?"

“Because you’re saying you wanted a family. Someone to come home to and that pussy would have given it to you.”

You pause for a second trying to read his expression. “I like the idea of marriage. Of saying those vows to someone else.” You say slowly. “But I didn’t want to say them to Howard.” You don’t say that you wanted to say them to Ben, don’t say that the night he told you not to marry Howard you thought he was trying to tell you that he wanted to marry you instead.

“So you want to say them to someone?”

“Yeah. One day.” You frown, turning back to look at the ceiling. “You never want to say them to someone?”

Ben doesn’t answer immediately. “Maybe.”

Probably Liberty.

You sigh to yourself thinking about one of your least favorite supes that you’d come across. She wasn’t terrible, just pushy and into supes being united together. You also didn’t like that she felt that supes deserved to be worshiped, that supes were gods, but you knew you weren't. The powers were not random, the gifts were not given by God, they were given by the devil and all those deals came with a price. Even if you tired to walk away, you wondered if Vought would let you go. You also hated how much time Ben spent with her.

The thought of her leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and despite how good it feels, you pull your hand free from Ben's grasp  and turn your back to him, cuddling into your pillow. Your grip is so tight on fluffy material you wonder how it hasn't ripped, but you need to stop talking to him. Talking to him when he was like this made it harder and right now it was taking everything not to cry again.

And you were just so tired of everything. You wondered if one day it would be different.

“Goodnight Ben.” You whisper.

“Goodnight.”

And just as you drift into a dreamless sleep, you think you feel him put his arm around your waist and pull your back into his chest, but when you wake up the next day you forget and Ben is gone.

n/a: Yeah, this chapter is really sad. And I wish that I could say it gets better, but honestly, it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. 😭😭😭

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[henrioo]

°•*⁀➷ BEACH DAY: CROCODILE

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : "Crocodile is a king, and kings don't fulfill anyone's wishes, unless that someone is you. The small, young and only son of one of the most feared pirates, a child who would never have his desires denied by his father.

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : Platonic! Crocodile, IT'S NOT A ROMANTIC STORY, Dad! Crocodile, Child! Reader, Male! Child! Reader, difficult childhood due your Dad's business, mentions a lonely childhood, mean children

꒰ WC ꒱ : 995

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : Trying to back in my schedule of posting and writing, I'm passing through some bad time with a lot of personal problems so my mind is kinda off for everything, but at least I gonna try to post what I already had (I always say that and never do) anyway enjoy :p

Firstly, your father would be extremely offended if his precious son asked to go to the beach. Dear, your father is the king of the desert and is literally made of sand, why on earth would you want to go to a beach full of stupid people with dirty sand?

Of course, just as Crocodile is unable to refuse your requests every time, what can he do? He spoiled his little boy a little… so soon he's planning a trip to the beach while putting up with you talking about it every day since you as a little child couldn't contain your excitement.

Initially he thought about going to a private beach, he could rent an entire island just to avoid other people, but when you looked at him with those huge puppy eyes saying “but then there won't be other children for me to play with?” He gave up and was at your feet again, bless you, your perfect son who had him wrapped around your finger.

He agreed to go to a public beach, but that doesn't change that he didn't want many people, so he planned to go to a less inhabited island and during a period when there would be fewer people, of course, he made sure the beach was very beautiful and big enough so you can have the most fun. He wasn't ruining her experience for his own selfish limits.

Father of sunscreen, Crocodile doesn't want to see you turning into a pepper, so he makes sure you're completely white from all the sunscreen. It's a little difficult to do this with just one hand, but you were always a patient child and helped your father without any problems, soon you were ready, with your crocodile themed children's swimwear, your colorful floaties and animation for a lifetime.

Crocodile wasn't very excited about swimwear either, so he just wore an open shirt and longer shorts. The problem was that everyone on the beach was staring at the seductive man, was it his fault for being so handsome? Of course, having Daz Bones next to him staring deathly at everyone ensured that no one bothered him, which was perfect for the pirate.

Swimming too deep is a big no, Crocodile can't swim and that means he can't rescue you if you start to sink, not only that, but most of his employees are also Devil Fruit users, which just makes it difficult for him to be sure you will be fine in the water. Now if he goes with you to the beach with a non-user, like Mihawk for example, he may be more comfortable with you going to the deeper parts, accompanied of course.

Crocodile is also very careful about keeping you well hydrated. He knows that children are more sensitive, so he is constantly calling you to drink water, juices or any other liquid. Luckily, you are very obedient and don't waste the chance to drink something delicious, so it was easy to keep it under control. Crocodile also didn't trust just any restaurant or food vendor, so he hired a chef to prepare everything you could want to eat on the beach, whether it was fried fish or ice cream, you had everything at your disposal, prepared by someone you trusted, so Crocodile knew you I wasn't taking any risks.

He gets a little apprehensive when you get close to other children, Crocodile is extremely protective of you. After all, you are his greatest treasure, he would kill and die to prevent you from getting hurt in any way, but when he sees you smiling while playing with the children, he feels his heart relax, in the end, you are still a child, and he doesn't want to in no way to deprive you of having a normal childhood. He already knows how terrible it must be for you to be the son of a pirate, to live on a ship without ever settling on an island for long, the lack of children for you to live with, you can't even go to school, and instead you study with him, his life is not normal like most children and any opportunity he has to give you some moments of a normal childhood he is definitely doing it. He just wants you to grow up happy, regardless of everything.

Now, that doesn't mean he won't be a protective father. All he has to do is see you building your beautiful sandcastle, which he may have helped to stand with his powers without you realizing, when another older child approaches. He is reluctant but doesn't want to act immediately, it's only when the child kicks his castle that he gets angry, then a wave of sand covers the child, knocking him to the ground, the boy has probably swallowed enough sand to never but forget the taste. As soon as the boy runs away crying to his parents, Crocodile rebuilds his entire sandcastle before you can even miss him or cry about it. Your bright smile along with a “thank you daddy” makes it all worth it.

Although he enjoyed the beach day, which basically consisted of him sitting around watching you being a normal kid and having fun and the occasional discussion about business with Daz, the best part for Crocodile is when it starts to get dark, and you're already too tired. He carries you in his arms, using his powers to clean all the sand from your body, you are completely exhausted and sleep like a rock, with the only detail of holding your father's shirt with your small hand.

Crocodile just puts pajamas on you, preferring that you take a shower when you're awake, then he puts you in his bed and covers you. You have a huge smile on your face and are probably having sweet dreams, he watches you for a few moments before leaving to finish some things and then going to sleep.

[writingshushf1]

Hey this is my request

Yn is the daugther of sebastian Vettel , and she is leading for the worldchampion ship and Mick schumacher is in love with her , after she wins her First worldchampion ship Mick asks her to be his girlfriend .

And some weeks later mick meets sebastian and he is like finaly

With alot of fluff thanks

i see the light

Summary:   it's warm and real and bright. and the world has somehow shifted. all at once everything looks different, now that I see you

Rating: +14

Warnings: none

Word count: 2k

Note: IGNORE THE AGE PROBLEMS, JUST GO PAST THAT- we all been through. also sorry for the story not being on its 100%. AND AGAIN, I'M NOT TAKING NEW REQUESTS, JUST FINISHING OLD ONES

masterlist

You, Y/n Vettel had grown up in the fast-paced world of Formula 1. Because of your father, none other than Sebastian Vettel, you've always been around the track, watching him race and learning from his skills. You always have been fascinated by the sport and knew from a young age that she wanted to follow in your father's footsteps.

Growing up, you became an accomplished driver in your own right, competing in lower-level circuits and honing your skills. The dream was to one day race in the top tier of the sport, alongside the likes of her father and his rivals. And Sebastian was the one to support you. He always made sure you weren't getting things only by the “Vettel” last name - and also taught everything he learned. So having your dad around as basically your coach, was one of the best things you could’ve asked.

Sebastian was a good father - even though your parents were fresh out of high school. For him, it wasn’t a surprise you wanted to take his steps in life, since you grew around mechanics and cars. Maybe he would’ve preferred if you only stuck into engineering, but since you’re his daughter, your ambitions were higher than anyone else. 

Meanwhile, Mick Schumacher, son of the legendary driver Michael Schumacher, was also making a name for himself on the track. Like you, he had grown up around the sport and had inherited his father's skill and passion. You two had known each other for years, competing against each other in various circuits, but you had never been particularly close except for barbecues involving your family and his, usually you would hang out with Gina - even if she was a little older than you two.

But life goes on and both of you grew up.

When you made your debut in Formula 1, driving for Ferrari, like a dream coming true. You quickly proved yourself as a force to be reckoned with, and before long you were leading the world championship standings. Mick, who was driving for Mercedes, couldn't help but be impressed by your talent and dedication. Of course, since you were competing against each other, you usually only made small conversations. 

The media thought that was strange, two sons of unbeaten legacies barely exchanging words around the paddock? Were they hiding a relationship? Or did they have issues with each other? These questions also lingered in the minds of fans, they wanted to know what the mystery was. 

But the reality was not that exciting, you just... Never stop talking beyond a few dates a year - made by your families. It wasn't because you hated each other, far from it, there was a gigantic respect between you two, it was just that way anyway.

Until one day, he offered you a ride back to the hotel, it was raining and you had the same habit as your father - to go by bike to the track. You spent hours talking in your hotel room, drinking wine and sharing embarrassing stories. He was a very sweet person and clearly, you couldn't understand how you had never spent a little more time with each other.

At the next GP, buzz started about the sudden closeness, but you always made it clear that it was just friendship and respect in your relationship.

As the season wore on, Mick found himself falling for you more and more. He admired your fierce determination on the track, but he also found himself drawn to you off the track. He loved your wit, your intelligence, and your infectious laughter when the interviewer asked something funny. Schumacher knew how much he wanted to be with you, but he was too nervous to tell you how he felt. It was a tough sport after all, especially for you, being in a male dominated space where they’ll eventually try to tie you together with every male driver on the grid or try to minimise your accomplishments. It was wiser to not be with you, because he didn’t want the backlash to fall on your back. He asked Corinna about it, the German needed a piece of advice, since his heart wanted to pass through PR, the teams, your entire racing lives just to have the minimal chance to be by your side.

On the other hand, you were entirely focused on the championship. You had dreamed of winning it for years, and now that it was so close, you could hardly think of anything else. You worked tirelessly with Ferrari, studying statistics, improving the car and preparing for each race. If this was going to happen, it should come the right way.

Abu Dhabi, it was now or never. You were too nervous, during the trip you couldn't sleep much more than two hours. On Thursday night, after the media day, you just needed some company, so you searched your mobile for his number. Within minutes, the phone that was almost across town was ringing and within seconds, his sweet voice could be heard.

"Hey... Is everything okay?"

"I'm nervous. I can't sleep or eat properly. If I don't rest I don't think I'll be able to win."

"Hey, hey, hey... Breathe, slowly. Do you need company? I can come over."

"But it's so far away... And you need to rest too, the championship is between us and Max."

"I can manage, come on, send your hotel and room."

After almost 30 minutes, a light knock at your door. Schumacher was wearing his blond hair half dishevelled, dark sweatpants, blue hoodie and slippers.

"Thank you..." You mumbled as you felt him pull you into a warm hug.

"Your voice gave me the munchies, so... Do you want to talk or just coexist together?" He murmured against your hair.

"A movie and coexist together?"

You didn't make it to the end of the film, with Mick's arms wrapped against your body, the warm embrace and the comfort of being with him there, next to you, gave a calmness you hadn't expected.

Already in the Paddock, over the weekend, your glances and smiles were full of delicacy and a flirtatious undertone. It seemed that Thursday night had turned a key in how you approached each other.

Finally, the Sunday race. You were leading the standings, but your closest rivals - Max and Mick, were hot on your heels - no one wanted to let it go. It was a nerve-wracking race, with you and the boys swapping the podium placements back and forth. But in the end, you emerged victorious, crossing the finish line first and claiming the world championship.

The moment seemed to have frozen, the shouts over the Ferrari radio, imagining his father and brothers celebrating with happiness, everything seemed like an intangible dream until the moment of passing the chequered flag. Still finishing the lap before going to the pits, you felt tears fall on your face, they were the happiness of proving that you were more than a surname, but an indomitable force.

As you celebrated with her team, you couldn't help but feel overjoyed. Achieving your lifelong dream, and being surrounded by the people you loved most. At the party, you were now no longer smeared with champagne, but dressed up, wearing the team’s colours.  Still, you weren't sober anymore, so when you felt a tap on your shoulder, you bluntly turned around to see Mick standing there, a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

"Congratulations," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "You were amazing out there."

You smiled, feeling your heart flutter in her chest. "Thank you," you said. "It's been a long road to get here."

“I know. You fought like no one to be among the 20 most talented drivers.”

“So nice of you to say that.” You played along, holding the roses.

Later, only the two of you were in the outdoor yard, everyone had moved to the indoor area because of the light serene air. You were sitting on the lawn, stargazing. No words seemed necessary at that moment, so when your hand found his, you said nothing, just let your fingers intertwine in a gentle gesture.

When your eyes met his, you could tell he looked nervous, so you put your free hand on his knee, looking worried.

“Are you okay?”

Mick nodded. "Listen, Y/n, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. I...I know this might not be the best time, but I just can't keep it inside any longer."

“You can tell me, you know. We’re always honest with each other.”

“I’m in love with you. Sorry.” He breathed out, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. “Look I- I thought about this, talked with my mom, the PR team… Everyone! Ever since we became friends, I was afraid I was going to ruin everything because I was falling in love with you. And I’m sorry if you don’t… I don’t know! Just… I’m not going to be mad if you don’t reciprocate the feelings.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. You had never suspected that Mick felt that way about you. But as you looked into his eyes again, feeling something stir inside your stomach. Butterflies. You’ve always admired him as a competitor, but now you saw him in a new light. It was as if a fog in his mind had cleared. Even if you never thought about it, he had always been an enigma to you. It was good to finally see a solution.

Clearly your speech and your thoughts did not run together, as all you managed to get out of your mouth was:

"I...I don't know what to say." you stammered.

Mick scooted closer, taking your other hand that was on his knee. "You don't have to say anything," he said. "Just know that I'm here for you, no matter what. And if you ever feel the same way about me, I’m going to be waiting.”

“I do.” It was the only thing that could escape your lips.

“What?”

“I do feel the same, Micky.” You pulled him even nearer, finally closing the gap between your lips.

His soft lips crashing against yours made a sigh of contentment escape your mouth, it was like and your body was dying just to feel a little bit of him. His hands held your waist, while yours stroked his blonde locks. 

A cough from far away interrupted the moment you were having, none other than your chief and Toto Wolff watching the scene from afar. In fright, you each fell backwards, completely red from being caught. But two recognisable chuckles could be heard.

"You owe me a hundred euros." Vasseur huffed at the team boss, cracking a smile.

"We need to have a meeting about this! Next week, at the factory, in Brackley!" he just said loud enough to hear, soon walking in with your father.

You both started laughing uncontrollably, hugging each other.

"That's going to be huge news."

"I think we can handle it." You murmured, giving little kisses around his face.

A few weeks later, you were at your parents' house. Finally you were going to tell them that you were together. With this came some insecurities of yours about a possible negative reaction and Mick's fear of telling a close friend that he was dating their daughter. 

When you walked into the house holding hands after being greeted by Hannah, she gave you both a tight hug. Your father was in the garage - nothing new, he could never stand still, even retired.

"Dad?"

"Come in!"

As you walked in there, you were followed by the younger Schumacher, who instinctively put his hand on your waist. When Vettel stood to greet you both, he saw how you both looked, cracking a smile.

"Finally, huh? I thought it would never happen." He cracked a smile.

“Dad!” You cried out, hiding your face in your hands.

“What? I’m right! It was a matter of time until you settled together. Me and your mom, together with the Schumacher’s, we… Somewhat estimated when you would realise that.”

“Oh dear God…” You murmured, soon receiving a hug from him.

“I’m proud of you two. Really.” He broke the embrace and put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “You better take care of her or I’ll take care of you.”

“Of course, Seb.”

“For you, it’s sir now!” He chuckled, in reaction Mick also did and you whined at their bad joke.

[paulacocks]

I finally built up the courage to make a post myself so here we go 🤪

But in the bmc fandom no one can agree on rich’s real personality. Is he over the top chaos? Is he soft and calm? Well i pulled up my english analysis skills and decided to english analysis the SQUIP song and give you some unnecessary essay

Alright before we get into the analysis, i want to mention that i believe rich was abused by his dad growing up as he drinks and it seems stereotypical for the bully character to have a bad home life and we all know the bmc characters are built on stereotypes. Now according to a google search teachers are told to look out for things like bad hygiene, back chat, aggression as they can be indications of abuse/neglect

When listening to the squip song i felt like some of it was the squip trying to relate to Jeremy’s problems. We do even see the SQUIP do this in the broadway version by getting Jeremy to tell rich his dad drinks. So some of the lines you got to take with a pinch of salt as it can just be the squip trying to relate

On that note

Freshman year didnt have a girlfriend or a clue i was a looser just like you

This is not too relevant to rich’s character and seems to be going off of what Jeremy was singing in More Than Survive. The squip just saw him sign up for the play and interact with Christine. So to immediately open with this line makes it seem less personal to Rich and more trying to appeal to Jeremy

Good times would only sour by

This however is Rich. Jeremy actually doesn’t want to be popular, he enjoys Michael company. He gets the SQUIP to not be a total loser cause he wants to avoid ridicule. so right now i can infer that rich probably didn’t have any or many friends. We was probably desperate to be included and join in on teenage good times.

I was gross

As i mentioned at the top, i believe rich was abused so i feel like this may be a nod to that.

As every female would detest my sexting was a futile quest

This is one of the most important lines. As earlier on its says he is gross with no friends so how is he even managing to get girls numbers? This may be a leap but call me the doodle jump guy thing but i feel like rich was very funny. He was probably the type of guy to talk back to teachers and when kids are picking fun of him he probably made jokes about himself to try and join in on the fun. While that didn’t get him friends it probably got him a few nice or insecure girls (brook??) but he was too awkard or nerdy or too… sexual to get anywhere with them

Furthermore

The squip does not completely change your personality

Atleast what we see through Jeremy is that the squip just hides your flaws and plays up your strengths. Like Jeremy did remain somewhat awkard and geeky; crying about eminem, being a robot to the halloween party etc

So we can look at how rich acts with the squid which will reveal how he was before

Rich is the funny guy in the popular kid circle, hes the one shouting GAY and picking on kids and messing with jenna. More evidence for funny guy rich.

BUT that would suggest that rich probably always had a bit of a violent streak-

All characters have flaws and rich was that he probably was quick to hop on to picking on kids on the same level as the high school food chain as him in hopes of getting friends and boosting his status. Definitely not to the extent he would now cause he was probably too weak but he definitely wasn’t nice at least verbally when it suited him.

This probably was his downfall really as if he was nicer to the losers he probably would of been friends with them

Now rich is my fav character as you could prolly guess and i don’t really like the idea of rich being a meanie without the squip SO

We could go for a nice little alternative and say that he would fight with kids picking on him. Maybe he had mad reflexes from his abusive dad and would smack up kids who touch him or do that think fast thing or something :)

Anyways i think i had more to go on about but this is pretty waffle already and i can’t really remember. If you guys have your own ideas on ANY of the characters reply i would love to read them :D

[compassionatereminders]

(Tw:mentoins of epilepisy, anger issues, yelling, black outs ) Hello kate, today we had a fight with my dad, i asked my mother if our co-worker will come and this person is a i had problems with , and also they also apoligize to me and my mom but we still keep our boundries and all so i asked her do you think they will come? And she said " whatever they come or not, we will treat her normally, they made mistakes and inside am not pleased with they acted towards you but be normal to them " then my dad who is eating spoke up to us and said " am very bothered how you both treat her and act like this, and you (to my mom) you always direct her from behind whenever And if it wasnt for them we would be humilated and what about the things you done them? You said you were gonna take thier soul away? And i said "it happned without my control, i wasnt in control " (the reason is i have black outs and epliplesiy And when those happen i dont remmber anything at all ) the argument countined and i said i only asked her out of craiousty and only that! Just that and she answered and am not afraid of you and am the same girl from the last summer Know this if you yell at me, i will stand up for myself, and look everyone can mistakes, we all feel mad but you cant yell uncontrolably at people, and cus you did this to me, i was very afriad of you back then but now am not afraid i can express myself and i can respond to you when you yell at me! Am not afraid of you anymore and theres god Know that And when he mentoined how he was bothered how my mom gave me "dricatoins " which is her saying be calm , act normal etc she was pissed too and said like what and i said to him she is my mom of course she is gonna guide me, and at the close to the fight he said why are you yelling? And i said cus i had enough ! Then we all went silent , am not talking to him and i also mentoined to him yes of course there were hard times and this person helped us yes but also he cant yell like that, and that when he does that i felt afraid and i didnt know what do to do , my mom keep saying say sorry to him and give him a hug but i honsetly wont and lastly my mom say those advices cus im gonna be honest inside am not very pleased too so she says be calm like treat them normaly like be civil and other than that you dont need to worry and , after it was over he got pissed cus i was holding my meds on my meds which i was gonna put them on my mounth and drink them with water and i told him i was gonna drink them with water, and he kept saying how i ignored the things he says to me, and i said dont get mad at every little detail and about my black outs when it happned with our co-worker, he said" am blaming you " and now we dont talk and today i dont wanna be at the same place as him and i dont wanna help him making cheese , cus of his actoins and a side note am not looking for a digoinose or anything like that, i just need to vent and share this

1. Your dad has no right to be mean, aggressive and shout at you. 2. I'm glad you know this and try to stand up for yourself. 3. But in some situations, people aren't going to respond to it in a constructive manner, so sometimes it might be safer to just end the discussion and avoid the person in question

[monstersinthecosmos]

I can't tell you how much I love the vamptember series. Finally finally it is the start of the chase years!! I loved it. I loved the pain and the fear and yet Daniel's defiance to escape this life and into the next. I think no one else could have survived Armand that night were it not for Daniel. It was Daniel and how he functions and moves through life that intrigued Armand enough to let him run ( he even says so doesn't he when he tells Daniel to run...it is between the lines). Also where is Daniel's jacket?

🥹😭😍

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you're enjoying!!!!!

I always ask like which came first with Daniel and what's frustrating as fuck (but really fun for fanworks) is that we know NOTHING about him. He's free real estate! But like I ask myself what type of person is this, who would respond this way?

Was he close with his family? Did they look for him? Was any love lost here?

Was he already prone to obsession? Is becoming obsessed with vampires just A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE or did it affect him specifically this way because he was neurodivergent already?

On that same note, knowing what we know about him as a vampire: Were these patterns there already? Vampires are sort of neurodivergent anyway, but did it just exacerbate something that was there?

Like even when Marius says he was like this as a human, too, WAS HE REALLY? DOES THAT MEAN PRE- OR POST- ARMAND?

I don't see any real indication that he had an alcohol problem BEFORE he was traumatically stalked all over the world but again, free real estate! Nothing to suggest that he didn't, either.

And again, how much of addiction is innate and genetic? If he weren't genetically prone or predisposed to developing a drinking habit (and later a Blood habit), would he have dealt with this situation differently?

So like there's no right answer to these questions but it's stuff I've asked myself a LOT over the course of my fuckin, like, VC Fic Writing Career 😂

I have tried to have all these decisions made when I write, even if it's stuff that doesn't come up in a particular story, just so that *I* know the answer and so that I can try to characterize everyone as consistently as possible. Especially bc like it's been a challenge of mine to keep all my VC fics plausibly in the same universe. So for example, the Vamptember 1973s are absolutely the prequel to The Usher; this is Usher!Daniel and this informs how he will behave in the Usher fics. I had decided he was a lil estranged from his parents, had fucked up a little bit in college and it was causing tension with his dad, his big first loss was his best friend in Vietnam. These are things I hinted at in the Usher fics. And I'm having a lot of fun writing it all down now!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO WAS DANIEL MOLLOY????????

And you're right, where IS his jacket?? 🫢🥸👀😏

This is his jacket btw, I've had these pics open in a tab all month for reference LOL

[oddygaul]

The Boy and the Heron

God damn this movie is a hot mess. The pacing is all over the place; the tone is all over the place. It feels like it’s trying to be a metaphor for a dozen different things, but none of them come through particularly well, and it ends up being a big, unpolished jumble of ideas. Plus, in its eagerness to foreground those deeper themes, fundamental things like character motivations, goals, and narrative cause-and-effect are left by the wayside, leading to much of the movie feeling like a disconnected series of events with little tying them together.

I understand the desire for an artist to make something that’s solely for themselves, or to write a story with the primary goal of deeper thematic resonance; in my opinion, though, if what you're writing has gotten to the point where the basic A to B plot of your story doesn’t really make sense, I think you may have gone too far.

Now, a work that’s all subtext, no plot can work if the vibe is there - that’s pretty much the definition of a tone piece, and I fuck with a lot of tone pieces. In this case, though, I did not think the vibe was there. The tone bounces from a measured, somber meditation on grief, to a wondrous journey through a strange land, to a fast-paced goofy caper when the parakeets get involved… I didn’t feel much of a coherent tonal throughline.

Okay, so fine, the themes?

A lot of people are saying the whole movie is about Miyazaki’s struggle with leaving behind his legacy without a direct heir. While that’s a compelling idea, that subplot is introduced roughly… *checks notes* 5/6ths of the way through Boy and the Heron, so you wouldn’t exactly call the movie a very effective vessel for that message, would you?

Was it about Mahito seeing his mother again, to move on from her death? She miraculously appears but they barely talk. Is it about accepting his stepmom into his life? Well, she’s gone for half the movie. Is it about rejecting fantasy / escapism to live in the real world? Well, okay, but the stepmom is the one that went in there in the first place and Mahito hated it from the jump, so no one really changed their minds here.

Speaking of the stepmom, it’s weird as hell that Mahito’s process of accepting his dad immediately marrying his dead wife’s sister is treated like a personal journey. No, that’s a weird fucking thing to have happen to you, and you better believe a kid is gonna be fucked up about that for a while. I understand this isn’t out of the norm for the setting / time period, but it clearly bothers Mahito. I don’t see how a lonesome, magical journey to another world is the right salve for those feelings as opposed to like, a frank and open conversation with his dad.

—

Miyazaki once famously said that the problem with the modern anime industry is that no one draws from real life anymore - that character designers learn how to draw anime girls only by copying other anime girls, turning the entire industry into a grisly moe ouroboros devoid of any authenticity.

What the fuck is this, Hayao? Did you design this by looking at a real human being? Or is this a baachan based on a previous Ghibli baachan which was itself based on another Ghibli baachan? The moe ouroboros tolls for us all, Hayao. It tolls for us all.

—

Having vented those frustrations, there’s a lot of gorgeous stuff in this movie, of course.

The stepmom’s house is so neat - the modern, western-style house built straight onto the classical Japanese architecture, Winchester-mansion style.

As opaque as Mahito was to me, it’s funny as hell how aggro the kid is. It was fuckin on SIGHT with the heron, bro.

Everyone is so stoked about these birds shitting on them all the time

The world of the tower had a very different vibe to Ghibli’s classics that was pretty cool - a very Greek / Elysium feel to much of it, a place stuck between life and death.

This is the bougiest way I’ve ever seen someone drink water

these weird fucks

—

When taking the lore at face value, it’s wild how this movie is basically an Annihilation + Bloodborne lovechild. So basically an extraterrestrial meteor crashes from the sky, and begins terraforming the area around it; as it does so, it distorts not only space, but time itself. Much like the wildlife in Area X, the parakeets enter the tower and are drastically altered to serve their environment’s needs. The way the tower seems to hold onto alternate versions of people that have entered and keeps them there, stuck outside of time, is reminiscent of what happens to the Southern Reach trilogy’s research team.

And then on top of that, we have the great uncle calling Mahito’s stepmother inside the Nightmare of Mensis, excuse me, the tower, so that she can give birth inside, allowing the child to ascend and become the ruler of the realm?

Oh Amygdala, oh amygdala! Have mercy on the poor heron.

Just saying, ‘the Heron isn’t actually magic, it’s merely a lookalike biological simulacra of a heron created by the reality-warping crash-landed U.F.O.’ wasn’t on my bingo card going into this movie. lol

[edgarrallannhoe]

7-08-024 man, i fucked up.

today,tomorrow,to…

Ive been vomiting for the past 24+ hours now. i like to say “hahah i’m vomiting SO MUCH but idk why..” i know why. Rome makes me sick, rome makes me want to relapse, rome allows me to relapse. I know it’s no rome’s fault here, i wish it was. I wish all of this was anyone else fault but mine, but here we are, with all the faults in the world i guess.

i have to say tho, among all of the european capitals, rome is the least chic one by a mile.

Yesterday a bought me some Ketamine. I have a complicated relationship with K since the first time i tried it almost twelve-thirteen years ago and not knowing how to use it i just decided to open the bag and snort the whole thing in one line. Bad idea, i spent the night hugging the service toilet at my highschool with a friend making fun of me during the whole thing. Then after that day, i snubbed it at practically every occasion i had, i just wasn’t interested in that devilish thing again, and now, since a few years i’m again at it. I don’t want to talk about this tho, kinda boring, kinda useless.

8-08-024 somebody save me from myself

the purge

i tried to force myself to post, but i started writing then said “fuck it, why should anybody care?” then said “BuT IM DoInG tHIs FoR MySeLf sO whY dOeS it maTTeR if people enjoy it?” and then again “i’m lying as usual, few are the things i do where i’m not concerned about how i will be perceived, social media isn’t one of them.” so i’m here now, less whiny than the other day, but more sick.

I keep vomiting, crying, then trying to drink lil sips of water then vomiting again the same water i just drank. Atp this night i felt like a dry prune, without water, without anything substantial in me, wrinkled and all, i was literally crying hugging my garbage bin: i want to note that the garbage bin is literally kinda a wicker basket, so lot of holes and whatnot. I said to my dad, that because of my “puking problem” maybe we should pick a new one that doesn’t make everything messier every time this happens, and he bought another bin…. a DRILLED metallic one, so now i have a little drilled bin inside a wicker basket, a nightmare every time, now i have to also clean them after i’m finished!

i don’t think i have an ED, or at least not in the way it is usually explained. Ive always been skinny and kinda minature, and always ate whatever, but i have to admit that while once i believed ( and sometimes said myself ) the whole “i eat whatever and whenever and i stay sKiNNnYyYyYy” , i know understand this whole thing better. While i have a fast metabolism and a skinny/petite corporature, and it’s true that sometimes i eat McDonald’s four days in a row, i don’t put weight on cause i eat nothing during the whole day tho. like, i wake up and drink latte macchiato ( idk outside Italy what Latte Macchiato is, here is just like 1/4 coffee and 3/4 milk with maybe a lil sugar ), then mid morning i drink Latte macchiato, then i skip lunch, then in the afternoon you guess it! Latte macchiato! ( if it’s summer sometimes it gets changed with a cold Cola in the glass bottle, love it ), and THEN i eat McDonald’s. But if you consider the fact that i’m pretty active as a person , always moving even if i’m home in bed, and that i only drink coffee and milk the whole day, it’s not weird not gaining weight if you have a crispy mcBacon for dinner 4 nights straight.

So yeah, i think that whole “eat a lot don’t put on weight” it’s a little bit of a fairytale, but i’m sure that there is always a girl swearing that for them is exactly like that. Good for you Veronica.

Sometimes is also happens, that because i don’t really eat during the day, i end up having less hunger than if i ate ( i always ate slay✨), and then the hunger makes me nauseous, so then i vomit but i vomit absolutely nothing but slimish green bile, and then i am even more “hungry”- the problem is that i’m not, even when i am atp, i’m not hungry, i feel nauseous and i know that it’s because i need to eat, but i would rather not- it becomes a cycle, and every time is exhausting, this night i felt like i just wanted to die. I just wanted to be put off of this misery. Now it’s kinda better, kinda, rn here is 12AM, i woke up at three AM to, you guess it, vomit and it went on until almost two hours ago, i feel like shit.

I bought a watermelon at the store/supermarket, there is a real market near the store with better watermelons but i don’t want to enter that lively place, vade retro lol, so i’m okay with a watery and less red watermelon. i’m now eating in very small bites a small pizza no topping and all, but i’m far from feeling fine.

ok ill stop writing for now, IM DYIIIIING- i wish i was - aaaaaaaaaghhh somebody save me fucking please

xx emma

[youareinlove]

eras movie thoughts from someone who saw it on oct 13

ok as soon as the midnights clock went to 00:00 (started at 00:13 🥹) the entire theater cheered quick notes: - people were very much singing, although most of the time you could barely hear it because the speakers were SO LOUD - plenty of people were standing up and dancing. i was in the front row/box so it wasn't a problem for me, and also most of the people doing this were kids under 5 ft. but situations may vary depending on where you live - i did get the eras popcorn bucket and drink thing, and i washed both for keeping - people were trading friendship bracelets too

lover set: miss americana was so surreal. like as soon as she appeared i just felt some type of way. a lot of this probably comes from never having seen her live, but i felt so emotional because this person who shaped a lot of my life and childhood was right there in front of me (i was also first row which probably helped) and she just seemed so larger-than-life in a way. like i could barely sing until lover (the song) because i was just in such shock. i don't think i'll ever forget the moment the sunset fan things parted to reveal her standing there to sing "it's been a long time coming" 🩷 the archer was missing, but you honestly didn't notice because it was edited so well. it didn't feel like there was something missing like i thought it would (this is true for all of the cut songs except for one)

fearless set: this one was very helpful to me personally because it calmed me down from the "mega-super-popstar Taylor Swift" hype. seeing her perform songs that i'd loved for years and played in my childhood bedroom was VERY good for getting rid of any nerves i may have had. like oh there's bestie, you know? my brother wanted me to mention the stage becoming a guitar because that was pretty cool. also i did not personally witness any proposals during love story, but two little girls acted one out and it was really cute. ybwm was not as popular (singing-wise) among the little kids, but every teenage girl in there was having a spiritual experience with me. oh and ofc we did the heart hands thing for fearless 🫶🏼 and the claps for ybwm

evermore set: once again, ttds/nbnc (opening song) was cut, but you really couldn't feel the hole in the setlist. the willow opening was SO well-shot. also idk if it was the camera angle or she just has really long arms but when she spun the cloak around i swear it was making waves. my theater did not do the phone flashlight thing for marjorie but it was very visible in the movie. her champagne problems speech had me like 🥹 and tolerate it was as emotionally powerful as you'd expect. i did get a good chuckle out of her just throwing all the dishes everywhere, and also the lighting crew really came through with that one reputation set: ready for it did have some pretty intense flashing (there was a warning at the beginning). i personally don't have issues with these sorts of things but it's important to note for anyone who does. i thought it was really fun and loved the rep set. personally, i think this is the set she looked the hottest in. i kinda get why she isn't changing the outfit because it really does suit her so much. of course, the entire theater shouted 1 2 3 LET'S GO BITCH for delicate. look what you made me do is an amazing song that was done justice in this movie, probably one of the best moments choreography-wise in the whole show speak now set: enchanted was also so well-shot and probably one of my favorite performances in the entire show. the one cut song that i did feel was missing was long live. i missed it a lot, but they went so hard with enchanted that it almost made up for it imo.

red set: 22 was my dad's favorite in the movie, and when she gave the hat to bianka bryant, you could hear all the whispers of people explaining to their parents/partners/kids the significance of that moment. the transitions were SO good for the entire movie, but especially this set. the red jumpsuit has always been one of my favorite outfits but i'm glad it's finally getting its time to shine now that you all appreciate her ❤️ the "LIKE EVER" was also something that had the theater cheering, and ofc all too well tmv was the emotional crux of the night. everyone singing that song in the theater was singing about a personal experience and it was one of those moments that had me understanding what taylor meant with the lover speech where she said that she wanted tonight to be about new memories. i'm never going to forget seeing all these little girls singing ikywt and then all their moms singing atw right after. i could honestly write an entire essay on how the movie was such a celebration of girlhood and probably will at some point

folklore set: this entire movie had already had me so emotional, but the folklore set was the tipping point for this film rewriting my swiftie brain forever. beginning with the 1 was very personally significant to me because for me, atw and the 1 are about the same person. it was very healing to get to sing those things back to back, and i know it was for a lot of the people in that theater as well. her betty speech got a lot of laughs out of people, and the song itself had the starlights (backup vocalists) at the foot of the cabin, which was so 🥹 do not underestimate how important the starlights were to this movie and the performance. my favorite moments had them in it. tlgad is my #2 song EVER and it comes so close to being #1 so the performance did not disappoint. both the note change in the 1 and "loudest woman this town has ever SEEN!" got huge cheers from both the people in the movie and the theater. the august/illicit affairs performance was beautiful, but i think this set really came to life with my tears ricochet. her in white against all the dancers in black for the funeral metaphor said a lot. although all too well is the ballad of her discography, my tears ricochet is also extremely emotionally resonant and important for the show. it's one of those songs that has me so excited for this movie to get on streaming so i can watch all the time. and like the archer and nbnc/ttds, cardigan's removal was not that defining.

1989 set: the little kids were going FERAL and i don't blame them. style was beautiful ofc, but blank space, shake it off, and bad blood were the loudest songs of the night because the kids were just SCREAMING. although not a lot of people shouted "sydney!" they did shout "you forgive you forget but you never let it go" for bad blood. and the choreo was choreo-ing for this set. once again, wildest dreams was missed but not that missed.

surprise songs: ok yeah i did get emotional over "this is for the people who liked me when i was writing songs for my 9th grade talent show," what about it? our song got its moment and i am happy. and ohmygod can i ever say enough about the importance of you're on your own kid being in this movie. the way that it's just such a culmination of her entire life and career and "take the moment and taste it" is just exactly what this movie is celebrating 😭 make the friendship bracelets had people going 🥹🩷🥰 because you can just tell that she loves us so much. and of course the stage dive was a moment

midnights: this was the one set that i hadn't watched 23048930284 times over livestream so it was a special treat. lavender haze & anti-hero slayed, and midnight rain was ridiculously well-shot. i was admittedly worried about the vigilante shit dance because my parents were there, but it wasn't shot in a ultra-sexy way and also. the dance is pretty tame all things considered. when you've been dancing and singing for almost 3 hours, no one really cares. the bejeweled dance was very 🥹 and i thought a lot about how important fans were to this entire show. there were a lot of moments when she was pointing to the audience and re-assigning a song to us in real time, and mastermind was one of them for sure. if i didn't already think that karma was the perfect song to end with, this solidified it for me. it made me so very happy and i got some amazing pictures of it.

all in all, this movie restructured just about everything for me, including my album rankings, top 10 song list, and how i view her career and music in general. i'd watched this exact show over and over again on livestream but this was the first time i'd really realized how much she meant to me and how important she is culturally atm. she's everything 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤🩷🩶🤎💙

[jvstheworld]

My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S1E10 (part 7)

The Hope That Kills You

Everyone is coming to terms with team being relegated. And Will is being a sweetie, offering Ted a drink before he starts talking. Will is precious.

Before he gets into what he really wants to say, Ted praises Zoreaux and Roy, and makes jokes to lighten the situation, which worked. Roy laughed. At basically being called Jamie's granddad, because that's why Jamie always called Roy.

Rebecca and Sam sitting together. They started planting the seeds for their relationship early.

Ted's speech here is another that hit hard for me personally. From the age of 11 to now I have spent a lot of time being sad and alone because I didn't have many people in my life that I could be sad with to get through some really horrible and heartbreaking things. A lot of my teenage years was lived in isolation because I didn't have support at home or from friends to get through things. Things got a little better when I met my friend who I occasionally refer to in these posts when I talk about my thirsting for Ted (still sorry about that... Kind of). They got me through a lot and helped me realise a lot, but things took a back slide over the past few years due to Covid lockdowns, physical health problems due to a chronic illness and then depression and anxiety coming in to make things worse again. 16 years of my life has been spent being sad and alone, and it's beyond horrible. Because all you end up doing is screaming into a void. I'm still dealing with the effects it's had on me, but things are changing for me, so maybe I won't be sad and alone for much longer.

Don't be sad and alone. Find people who can be there for you and you be there for them. Find people you can trust, who can understand what you're going through. Build your own little support network so you don't have to be alone ever again. Because that's what the Richmond team is now, they are their own support network, for whatever they might need. That's what we all need in our lives.

Sam understands what Ted means by being a goldfish. Calling it back from episode 2. Take your moment to reconcile what has happened, then move on, because dwelling on it won't do you any favours. Onward and forward.

Why didn't Ted give Jamie the note? Because Beard was already leaving and Ted had to talk to Rebecca. But also, maybe out of awkwardness and shame after he saw Jamie with his 'dad'. So Ted wrote a note and included an Army Man with binoculars, waving, so Jamie would get that Ted would be watching him because he does care. Ted got through to him in the end. He made the pass and Ted gave him a little bit of positive reinforcement, like Keeley suggested.

Did Ted really not know that Higgins's first name was Leslie? Huh, I really though he would have know that.

Ted still hates tea. Fair, it's gross.

Is the takeout menu from the Indian restaurant that he went to with Trent?

Ted doesn't quit things. He hates it. But he would if it was to spare his friend some pain and trouble. Luckily Rebecca likes him now and he's staying. He's not a good football coach, he has people with him who are. That's not why Ted has to stay. Ted stays because he cultivates trust, friendship, and loyalty between the players. He takes what could be very hard headed and jockular people and turns them into emotionally healthy and open men. He makes them better people on and off the pitch. That's why he's a coach.

Ted drops his first f-bomb. Damn Daniel. (Jason's first name is Daniel, so you can use that phrase and it make sense. Jason suits him better than Daniel anyway).

The spit take over fizzy water, oh honey. And poor Rebecca. I mean it is gross having someone spit their drink on you. Or being spat on in any circumstance. Thus begins their new tradition.

[m4st3rm1nd-k1ng]

Talking about some players (Back story , personality & Relationship with their partners )

[Unnamed] Alias Terrence (unofficial) - Grimsborough and conspiracy Player

Backstory (Grimsborough time): An orphan boy at the age of 13, That also drink and smoke at the legal age , at 18 he had different jobs All the time To help his Uncle (not family related but very close together) but when his Uncle Died He then joins the Police department ( his Uncle was friends with chief king so)

Backstory ( conspiracy ) : Bro just moved out from Grimsborough cause of Family Problems But then he decided To come back to Grimsborough and spend his life with old and new friends

Personality : The tired Friend and the Reponsible dad personality also probably sometimes him being sarcastic kind of guy and also confrotal but overall he is Still had some caring energy but express it his own way

Relationship : Eh don't know How to describe the Relationship so I will put in a conversation hope y'all understand

with Jones(at conspiracy Cause that's the only I. can come out with )

Jones :" At Terrence Ahaha You came!"*With chearful tone and proceeding to hug Terence*

Terrence:"Hey Bud-"*Gets hug*

Jones : "So How was everything !"

Terrence :" eh it's going great but at least Loosened the hug"

Jones :" aha Just get excited a little!"

Terrence: " Huh really?" In a sarcastic tone

Jones :" oh Come on don't Pull that Sarcastic tone we just reunite"

Terrence :" fine as long you didn't do stupid stuff like always"*Chuckles*

Jones: "Hey!"

Terrence:*Chuckles*" Seriously Don't do stupid stuff remember when you eat that cookie and got poisoned"

Jones : " right I still remember but now I am more responsible y'know"

Terrence :"okay guess you really did improve yourself"

Jones:"let's go Meet the others at the department c'mon"

Terrence :" Hey slow down I just Got here " *Chuckles* " Still the same as before"

Then he died and became a victim at least one case before blaze of glory

M.m King's note : eh I am lazy to write the others relationship so have Jones instead I hope I describe Terrence personality correct so as his relationship with Jones Probably make one with Gloria But now probably stay tuned for pacific bay I am using the website cause of my low storage and app hoarding problem so it's quite laggy and bad grammar English is my second language this is unofficial btw so if you have any ideas Pls comment