#Nothing left to live for if i dont matter anymore and life is just a horrible fuckong traonwreck

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I do kinda hope we get a sequel, it’d be nice to be able to talk about Lorabetta again

[divinesolas]

sleepless nights

based on two requests; you can’t sleep and it seems neither can your husband. you find comfort within one another.

wrds; 546

a.n: just some fluff/minor angst to distract me from the pain of todays ep, 🫶

the ceiling was nice.

or maybe it was a couple minutes ago. hours ago? you had no clue how long you bad been up staring at it.

you missed luke. So much. your little brother. gone just like that. and you were so sick.

the door to your room opened but you dont even have the strength to look. with war at large you should be alert, especially with the attempt on your mothers life you should care. yet if someone has come to kill you you’ll let them because you cannot find it in yourself to care.

what you do notice however is the bed next to you sinking down and the warm heat, his smell. you turn your head, the first time youve moved in awhile you can feel the strain on your bones. a gentle hand runs on your cheek and you close your eyes at the warm. You can feel his breath on your skin, face to face though you cant bare to look at him, your eyes closed but you are more awake then ever.

“you were not at supper.”

you have barely left your bed today you certainly could not attend dinner.

“i am not hungry.”

“when was the last time you ate?”

you dont know. yesterday? a week ago? nothing mattered to you anymore.

your silence tells him everything he needs to know and he sighs, scooting closer to you and pulling you right against him. your head in his neck where you can feel his pulse. It gives you a sense of semblance a sense of life. He is alive.

“i miss him.” He knows exactly who youre talking about and his pulse races a shuttering breath leaves his lips. “i do too, so much.”

“its my fault.” you two say at the same time, pulling apart to look at each other. he is the first to speak, his guilt racing through his bones.

“how is this your fault? i was the one who had suggested we fly out the blame is on me alone-“

“i had swapped with him. i did not want to fly to see borros and i asked if i could take lady arryn. He agreed,” you find yourself struggling to speak as the tears flood into your eyes and your throat closes around you. “it would have been me. it should have been me.”

He grips your shoulders and looks you dead in the eyes, despite the gloss over them you can feel the fury. “never say such a thing. what would i do without you?” your eyes shut and shaky sobs escape your lips. His lips press against yours and your sobs cease. He pulls away and brushes your tears off your face.

“i suppose it does not matter whos fault it is. Because we have each other. and we will never lose each other. ever. when our mother ascends the throne we will take her place after her. and everyday we will live, for him.”

You nod. Hes right. You should not be wallowing in your grief it is not what he would have wanted. You allow him to lull you to sleep. It is the first time you’ve been able to sleep in days. You are at peace.

perm jace taglist <3 (open!)

@earth4angels @cruelworldlana @smurfelle @ireneispunk @hxtd @venmondiese @urmomsgirlfriend1 @jacesvelaryons @ravenn-darkholme @damewritesalot

[opal-owl-flight]

No sign of Rain.

Not easy living with the fact that you hurt someone you just wanted to protect, isnt it.

More context under the cut!

Tldr: 3 realizes that forcing 4 away from the Platoon after Sploon2 the way they did wasnt the best choice. That forcing her to ignore what had happened had most likely contributed to her unable to cope with life beyond war.

(The comic above is from after Sploon3/SO! Situation described below is post Sploon2/OE.)

3 and 4 have been doing missions together awhile. 4s been able to handle herself well, but theres a moment where she trips up and gets hurt a lil more than usual. Like, its to the point where she needs to be taken off the field awhile.

3...

"|Im sorry.|"

"Heh? Three, if it wasnt for you, Id be dead. What are you saying sorry for?"

"|...if it werent for me going away when Octavio stole the Zapfish again...youd never have been dragged into this mess.|"

"Thats not your fault, Three. Cap'n called you away."

3 sighs... "|Still...you couldve been living a life where you never have to worry about your life being put in this much danger.

Or anyone else's life, for that matter.|"

4s the one whos quiet now, as she glances away. 3 does have a point... "...I guess so, yeah. But that wouldve meant that Id never have met you."

Silence sits between them awhile, until 3 grunts softly, to get 4 to look at them again. "|I want you to promise me something.|"

"What is it?"

"|When things settle down again, I want you to leave.|"

"....What?"

"|Live your life away from this. This danger, this war, this...everything.|"

"And leave YOU? Three, you cant do things alone anymore, you KNOW it!"

A clack of their beak. "|Im more capable than you think, Four. Dont think less of me.|"

"Im not- Im not thinking less of you!! Im just stating the facts!"

3s making a low gurgling noise. Its a similar sound an inkfish makes before spitting ink. A sound that says "dont test me."

"Three, Im not leaving. Its already happened... everything -- Octaria, the zapfish, the metro -- its all happened, and I cant just...go back after all of that."

"|Yes, you can. You still can. Youve a life outside this. Why else are you late enough that Marie has given up reprimanding you?|"

4 backs down...3s right. Again.

"...and what about you? Why dont you leave, too? Once...everything is stable."

3s ears droop. "|...theres nothing left for me. Ive thrown my lot with the NSS for as long as I remember. My team barely even recognizes me these days.|"

A silent beat goes by between them again.

"|So promise me. Promise me.| Rain." They rasp her name, making sure she gets the point. "|Promise me you'll live. Promise me you'll go back up there. You said you wanted to go to college -- go. Dont look back. Dont become like me.

I dont want you to become like...this.|"

They gesture to their scar. Their tentacles, forever stained marbled cyan.

4 can see in the gesture the pain they hid in their hearts. The regret. The guilt.

"...Tanara..."

"Live." they rasp, So quietly."Live. Promise me."

"I dont want to leave you alone."

"|Ive been in this war since Ive hatched, and Ive done things on my own before you were dragged into this. You deserve none of this bullshit.|"

"You dont deserve it either!"

3 grips her shoulders. pleading with her. "Promise me. Please promise me. That youll leave."

4 shakes her head. Resolute.

"Im sorry...I cant promise that to you. Youre my friend, Tanara. Im not letting you do this alone."

3... leans against her, defeated. Burying their face into her shoulder. Theyre shaking their head, clutching on her tight.

"...I-Im sorry, I...Ill be more careful next time. Okay? I can...I can promise you that much."

3 remains silent. Thats not what they want. They want her to be safe forever.

"...this really means a lot to you, huh?

Okay.

Ill...Ill think about it."

------------------------

She does eventually decide to leave. Things were looking up for awhile, and missions are much lighter. She can dare to dream bigger now. That and...she cant stand seeing 3 looking so guilty whenever she says something abt her life on the surface.

None of it is their fault. Any of this. But they still feel that theyre taking her away from her "real life".

When she said that shes leaving the platoon, 3s look of jubilation both relieved and pained her. Then a thought hit her, right there.

"...Wait...all this time- did you just want to get rid of me? D-did you not want to be friends anymore?"

3 shakes their head. "|Rain, I asked you to live your dreams as a friend.

Your safety would be guaranteed. Youd be able to happily live your dreams without worry.|"

"...Will I ever see you again?"

3 sighs. "|...hopefully not.|"

4 gasps.

"|No- no-! Not because I dont want to see you-|"

"Tanara, youre making it hard for me to believe that youre doing this for me. What kind of life would I have if youre not there? Not a happy one, Im telling you!!!"

3s shaking as they sign. Trying so hard to keep their breaking mask tight.

"|Im a soldier, Rain. And Ill likely be one til the day I die.

I dont want to drag you back into this mess. I dont want you to get hurt, because of me.|"

Why is it that they always have a point? 4 despairs at the fact.

"So this means goodbye..?"

"|Weve got some days left. Lets make them count.|"

A smile. A bittersweet one.

------------------------

These teenagers goddamn. 3 doesnt understand fully that shit still happened and one cant just leave and pretend nothing had transpired. Or maybe they felt they didnt deserve to have someone as good as 4.

Theyre ruthless in a sense that they know what their goals are. Their goal was to keep the world safe for everyone else to live. And if it means sacrificing their friendship with 4, so be it. If shes safe, their goal is met. Doesnt matter what either of them feel about it. (I suppose 4 getting injured really pushed them to make that choice.)

And 4... yeah, leaving was the smart choice for her personal growth, but agreeing with 3 to sacrifice their friendship wasnt the best choice to agree to. She felt like she cant argue 3 out of that decision they made for the both of them...so she just followed it.

"|Look alive, Rain. Your brand new life awaits you.|"

------------------------

Thats why theyre so flabbergasted and upset that she came back. It felt like that time they spent alone, that sacrifice they made, was all in vain...

"Im sorry, Three. It sucked being away from you. It really did. I failed to live there...maybe my life is really meant to be lived here. On duty.

With you."

Are they disappointed that she failed her brand new life? No, never. They gave her the chance to run away from it all, but she came crawling back after doing so. If she felt that her life is here, after trying something else, so be it.

Thats what convinced them enough to allow 4 to return to duty. Theyll keep her safe another way. They also cant hide from themself the fact that theyre happy to see her again after so long.

[http-finnick]

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐫

finnick odiar x fem!reader

summary: after the war, your whereabouts are a mystery left with missing next to it. finnicks days are gloomy without his love as jealous friends burden him.

request: hi I love your finnick stories so much!! i really like reading them ♥️ i saw requests are open an was wondering if you could do a finnick x reader where its after the war and he thinks shes dead but later finds out she’s alive and he’s just happy and excited to plan their life together? thank you ♥️

I dont..miss her. it's strange. I- I want her here it's just..I feel like I've lost something..like I'll find it soon. It'll be in arms reach soon, just...wait. that's all. wait.

"you're grieving. It's denial" his head pops up to see a red-headed woman cross her legs, he almost forgot he was saying that all out loud

"she isn't missing, Finnick, she isn't at arms reach. She's dead." Annie moves her hair behind her ear before resting her head on her hand, staring at his expression, for a reaction to her statement

"some shrink you are." he scoffs, he hates how she's talking. she isn't dead. she cant be.

"...finnick" pity. her tone is pitiful and there's nothing he despises more. he struggles to find logic to support his calm as he fumbles from rage

"no body."

"what?" "no body. no proof. she could be alive" now he stares straight at her. her wide brown eyes flashing a sign of annoyance before being coated with a wave of seriousness.

"we went over this. you need to look at the facts-" "I am. no body." now he's getting defense, how could she say that? wheres her hope? she never gives up on anyone why would she give up on you so quickly?

"you called me a shrink. I'm not. I'm a friend and you need to listen to me as that. mourn her. do it now before you hold onto her forever"

.

she's gone. I know that now. I don't talk about her anymore, annie doesn't like the noise. mostly to myself when I want to reminisce on good memories that just end up with me crying in the bathroom like a pathetic wimp. sometimes I think to talk about her to annie but she just tells me to let go of her. but I can't.

the 5 stages of grief. Annie told me about that. is confusion one? I feel confused.

I sit on the island counter as I hear fabric on fabric, it's the dress of annie swiping against itself as she walks in to check on me.

"hey, you okay?" she leans against the wall, fiery red hair longer than ever as she awaits my answer

"uhh, yeah, yeah." brushing it off as I sit up, she isn't satisfied. he knows but it isn't the time.

"wanna talk about it?" seriously? he can? and to think she hated the noise

"it'd be nice" he answered sniffing slightly as he was already getting emotional

"what's the matter?" she sits down and motions for him to do as well, he hesitates, feeling more in control of the situation by standing and looking away, but, he sits.

"uh, I'm really am missing her a lot more" he watched her chew her cheek and he starts to feel claustrophobic. is he a burden? an annoyance to bring up the past? to dwell so heavily?

"what are you hanging onto so much?" her tone is soft but he knows spitfire when he hears it, he smiles and bites his bottom lip, he knew it was too good to be true.

"what?" shes clueless. utterly clueless and he's about to snap

"no it's just, wow."

"..wow?"

"you tell me to mourn but I'm never allowed to!" he smiles while sitting up, completely done. over her bullshit and looking for a fight

"well, mourning isn't clinging onto things fin." she hits right back, ready to get this over with and go to bed.

"what the hell is wrong with you? I- I have no one to fucking talk to!"

"you aren't here when you talk! you are somewhere else living in the past and you can't hear anyone when they tell you the truth!"

"oh- oh so what this truth?" he pushes her, ready for her to say, daring her to.

"that she's dead and you need to get over that." she strikes for the kill and it fucking hurts. he bites his tongue as she scoffs and tries to form a semi-redeemable apology that he knows he just bullshit

"no. I need you to get the fuck out." he waves his hand mindlessly towards the door as he stares at the floor, feeling blood pool into his mouth from biting his tongue a little too hard

.

two of the most important women are gone from his life and he only has a chance with one of them.

he wears dress pants and a button-up with flowers he picked this morning. he needs at least for this to work out.

he slides the bouquet onto the counter and lets his fingers run through his fluffy locks as he opens the fridge, trying to find some drinks they can have together as he scans the empty cold box.

he throws his head back at the sound of the rippling scream of his phone, he can't deal with post-capitol shit right now.

he swings his feet and grabs the telephone off the wall, stating his name and 'hi' as he waits

a woman chimes in on the other line stating herself and her authority as she starts to say things he doesn't really understand, numbers of times and dates, he doesn't do appointments or capitol press anymore

"wait- wait. I'm sorry, what?"

"for ms.l/n, when will you arrive for her?" he drops the phone as his throat closes up. they found her. they found her. they found her.

her body.

pickup. they want me to come to get her. his knees became weak and he slid to the floor, only now hearing her voice asking for him as it dangled next to his shaking body

he grabs it and puts it up to his ear, his voice cracking as he asks what date, time, and location to...pick her up.

he couldn't help but notice the way she talked about 'ms.l/n' in a slight past tense. he wanted confirmation for the longest time but it was bittersweet knowing she was actually gone. no fuck that. it's bitter it hurts like hell. it feels like the day he found out she was gone and panicked looking for her, though this time actually finding a body. he isn't gonna let Annie's "coping 101" infect his brain now. he is in pain. he feels like he is dying.

his love is gone. It's been months of her gone but now she's gone.

the train ride was silent as he just sat there in shock the whole time. he was lucky enough to get one today. he hopes they are wrong, hoping when he walks in it'll be someone else.

he stumbles into the hospital, telling the nurses about the call and about the woman on the other line. they tell him a room number and he floats there without question.

he notices how the room isn't leading to a morgue but rather a patient room. maybe it's full. maybe they found her with other missing troops.

and turns the door and cracks it open, he can't stop himself to shut his eyes tightly as he hopes shes is in a zipped body bag at least

he opens his eyes right when he walks in.

there. it's you. no doubt.

it's you sitting up. you're alive.

"y-y/n?"

"holy shit finnick..you're all dressed up for me?" how, how could you joke at this time? how can you joke at all? you were dead. he thought you died he-

he sprints towards you and hugs you tightly, tears flowing from his eyes as he smells you, feels you, loves you again

"I- I thought you died.."

"me too" you mumble feeling your own tears slip out as he weeps against you. you're safe.

"I love you, I love you so much" he cries out, not daring to pull away from you but you manage to lift him up just enough to be face-to-face with him. you kissed him softly, his lips familiar and warm

"I love you too"

you're thin and bruised. utterly beaten down by nature as your busted lip smiles at him, and he knows no matter how long you were lost you were the same old you deep down.

"let's get married. let's get married and move anywhere you want." he smiles, thinking of living with you in the meadow, alone, just the two of you.

"woah, next you're gonna say let's make a million babies" you giggle, pretending like you weren't about to say the same thing.

"not quite a million my love but close to it" he laughs and you fall into it as well. wiping your tears with your free hand had only now noticed how hard your other hand was gripping his

"I missed your laugh so much" he sniffs, tears still spilling out as he smiles at you

"I missed everything about you so much" you dip back in to kiss him and he goes right to it, hugging you deeply as he thinks about how soon you'll be his wife. soon he'll be your husband and soon you two will have a life. a real one.

an: I hope this is okay! I added Annie drama on accidentally lmao. I hope I didn't pace it weirdly and I hope I was able to catch how Finnick was feeling at least a little well. like he knew deep down she was alive but he was just mourning her absent presence. I hope you guys enjoyed it! mwah, love you so much!

[withlove-angel]

⚠️warning: platonic love, heartbreak

Love?

Buggy was inside of a bar with his crew, being upset and watching his crew have fun. He had no idea what he was upset about but he was a bit moody.

"Hey barkeep can I get a beer over here or something? What the hell's the hold up?!" Buggy yelled. He was more impatient and a pain in the ass.

The barkeeper managed to hand his order, its a busy day for the ones who work on this bar...

Buggy's eyes widened as he saw y/n. He had left her sleeping on the ship...

His girlfriend walk closer to him "buggs" she rest her hands on his shoulderas her boobs press against his back "on the bar again?"

Buggy was speechless, turned his face to her. "Hey Angel" He sounded upset.

"Whats the matter?" The girl had a worried face on. He is still not used to someone caring about him, it make him feel uncomfortable

The clown still looked annoyed "Oh nothing" Buggy muttered before sighing. He took his drink and took it down in one gulp.

She place her hand on top of his hand that is holding his cup, taking away from his lips "its not nothing if you are upset about it" she say sweetly, trying to help him even when look like he dont want her close.

Buggy tried to smile at her, but his face cant hide how annoyed he is. "It's nothing, y/n" He said harshly, his hands making a strong sound as he olac them on th table he is sitting "I don't feel like talking." He sighed and looked away, his leg shaking, his breath smelling a strong scent of alcohol.

She kiss him sweetly on his cheeks, trying to light his mood but only reciving his eyes rolling "im not gonna force you to talk... but... please dont take your frustration on the alcohol..."

Buggy blushed a bit, y/n dont know if it was because of the kiss or because he is slightly drunk, but then sighed again. He didn't want to say how he really felt. He put down the cup and the bartender filled it again with beer. Buggy kept his mouth shut and took a big sip.

"Buggy" she glare at him. He knows how much she hate when he takes his frustration on alcohol as he always did before meet her. This make her feel useless, she just wanted to help him...

"What!?" Buggy snapped at her. He was starting to get heated up. He was staarting to feel his blood boiling. "Just leave me alone! You just piss me off, i don'tneed you!" He growled and turned his back to her.

"Fine" she say upset "but dont say no one care about you when you were the one who snaped me away"

The captain scoffed and rolled his eyes. He drank all of the beer in his cup and pounded it on the table."Whatever," He mumbled and then tried to ignore y/n, and the tears that started to roll down her cheeks as she start to leave the bar... He just hurted the fisrt person that loves him for who he is in all his life...

For some reason e couldn't ignore y/n now. He turned around and saw her tears. He felt guilty but he still wouldn't apologize with sincerity. "Fine, I'm sorry" He said, rolling his eyes again.

She look at him like he just did something terrible... she never looked at him like that, her sweet look that he deny but he loves, wasn't there anymore. She leave the bar, letting him alone with his crew.

Buggy took another sip from his beer and he felt even more upset now than he did before. He couldn't stop thinking about how he hurt her. He knew y/n was the first person to truly love him, so maybe he should be nicer to her. That was a difficult thought to accept. He thought about y/n for a while and then decided to look for her. He walked out of the bar and tried to find his upset girlfriend.

He finded her crying her heart out on the beach next to where his ship is.

Buggy approached a crying y/n and he kneeled down next to her. He felt bad for making her cry. He then put his hand on her shoulder and started patting it. "What's wrong, Angel?" He asked her, sounding more concerned.

"I love you buggy... i really do... i gave up my old life to live with you on the sea... but i don't feel that you like me... you treat me like...like trash" she finally say

"Angel" Buggy sighed. He knew she loved him, but he didn't know how to love her back. His life had always been about himself. He didn't like anyone. "I love you too" He said, but he didn't sound that genuine. Buggy could see how heartbroken she was now, really because how sad her eyes had became.

He felt bad for her now. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. He was confused about his feelings, he was always rude with everyon, its weird not being like that "Look, I said I love you, okay? I don't know what else you want me to do" He scoffed. "I said I love you. Happy now?"

She shakes her head, looking at his face while tears fall down, hugging herself as she bend her body away from his "you love me buggy? You really do?" She don't believe a word that he said. It hurted buggy, more then he imagined...

"Yeah! Of course, I do. What else do you want from me?" Buggy frowned and turned to her. "I said it already, and yeah, I do love you. Okay? So stop crying and bitching about it. Its not a big deal" He sighed. It was like he really wasn't trying to comfort her in anyway. He didn't want to put any effort into apologizing to y/n.

She shakes her head stop looking at him, she start thinking and it scared Buggy more than he wants o admit. She always was so open to him, even when he didn't want to, he didn't like it... or it was what he thought...

"Angel, look at me" Buggy grabbed harsly and turned her head to face him, leavinga red mark on her cheeks. "I said I love you, alright? I'm not really good at this, but I'm trying. You really need to stop crying now. I can'tbare a cry baby" He sighed and let her go, pushing her face away .

"Im tired" she say, pressing her hand on her cheeks as it is hurting "tired to dreaming that one day you will love me back as much as i love you" she say as she is finding the conclusion of something. Buggy eyes hiden, his legs start to shaking. He know he dont love her as much as she loves him... but she wont leave him right? She loves him... she wont leave... right?

->part2

[decodedlvr]

As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

[sadvid]

camp camp makes me insane ramble. do not click more unless you are so so very insane

camp camp is gonna make me go fucking insane i can't fucking do this anymore there is NOTHING!!!!!! NOTHING!!!! ALL THEY DID WAS GIVE US TINY PISS DRRROPLETS WITH ONE EPISODE FINALE SAYING MAXS PARENTS DONT CARE AND DAVID SAYING YOU DONT DESERVE THAT AND NOW IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES FOR YEAAAARSSS. i have read fics with over 100k words i have drawn so many things and imagined so many scenarios with angst and hurt/comfort and stupid stupid thoughts that would never ever happen in the show in a million years HIS ASS IS NOT GETTING ADOPTED DADVID IS NOT REAL GWENVID IS A SICK JOKE i love them so much you don't understand. i forgot to take my meds. oh my goddddd. THERE ARE LIKE THREE CAMP CAMP FANS LEFT BECAUSE THE REST WERE NORMAL PEOPLE WHO JUST WATCH THE SILLY CAMP CARTOON THAT SAYS FUCK. they dont wonder about the possibilities of a sad ten year old rejecting happiness but slowly allowing himself to be vulnerable and loved by a counselor who is surrounded by hate and despondency but stays positive despite despite despite because nobody else will and he wants to be the source of happiness that he wish someone was for him. NO! they say HAHA the ten year old said fuck! oh my god the non swearing counselor said fuck too that's so profound! oh no the ten year olds parents bad :( HAHA NOW HES BALD!!!! and after a month of the show being gone they LEAVE because they're NORNAL!!!!! but i. I AM IN THE TRENCHESSSSS. you have no idea you have no idea. listen maybe i'm just a little insane because i am a max who needs a david JUST MAYBE! and i think this is just a lot of me projecting my desperate need for love and my simultaneous rejection and fear of it onto max. And my need for someone to keep persistently and loudly loving me no matter how much i reject it. PROBABLY!!!!! i don't care i don't care how fucking insane i sound I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY I COULD talk about this show for hours i wish i didn't have job or school or life so i could write and anímate camp camp season 6 7 8 9 10 infinity and kill the warner brothers and write 500k word ao3 fics. IM INSANE. i am picking up crumbs and calling it a wedding cake do you understand. god i'm i i i i i i i i it's 2024 it's been too long too many years of this.... too many got damned years. every time i pick up a pencil i draw max camp camp. i have drawn david's stupid fucking face so many times its probably become the shape of my brain wrinkles. i go feral thinking about gwen's hair looks like down or what the fuck these characters last names are. Can you fucking believe i hyper fixated on a character whose last name i dont even know. hey who's that small angry fucker you're always doodling. uhh max. max who. max... camp camp. WHO?!!! DAVID?!!? DAVID ATTENBOROUGH?!?! MAX CAULFIELD?! i'm going to set myself on fire. i really truly am. i love them i live for nothing but a ghost child on an island and a silly friend trio. when will it end. when. i love them if you couldn't tell

[deathbxnny]

Love your works, keep going but don't forget to take care of yourself!

Its my first time requesting so bare with me, though you dont really need to do this. I just want angst hahahah.

Hsr men

You know the thing like if either they pick the world/everyone's sake or you thingy, hahahahah

Anyone really but put bladie first.

-----♡

A/N: ohh I absolutely love that idea! It makes for great angst, so I hope you'll like this! And thank you for the request!<33

Featured characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, Welt

Content: Established relationship, angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of betrayal (?), just pain

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Blade

It wasn't the world or anyone else he had to choose between. No, for him, it was the revenge he sought after for so long and you. Revenge is what motivated him and kept him going. It's all he wanted, all he needed. If he could get his revenge, then he'd finally be free from this hell.

And he was a selfish man. A man, who ultimately only cared for himself in the end. Who always prioritised himself over anything and everything. Including you. He told you this, he told you how he thought and how he was. He gave you a warning and you still stayed. He laid out the red flags for you and you still stayed.

So why were you so surprised, when he chose his goals over you with such unashamed ease? Did you really think, that he'd change for you? That he'd give up everything for you? Perhaps you were foolish to think that he would.

Not that he seems to care, as he leaves your crying and broken form behind. Ignoring the painful ache in what was left of his heart, before it too diminishes by the lack of you near him.

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

It was Jing Yuan's duty to protect the Xianzhou Luofu and it's citizen. He swore it under oath centuries ago, he spent years and years of training and energy to perfect himself for his job as well. It was important to him. So important, that he couldn't think twice, when it came to choosing the ship over you.

And it was so painful. It tore out his soul. Destroyed his heart, until there was nothing left. He wished, that he would never have had to choose and yet it was for the greater good. Even if you hate him after this, surely you'd still be able to live on safely.

He can't even look you in the eyes anymore, the shame fighting his guilt, as he steps away and apologises for the 1ppth time. Then he leaves, his eyes trailing over your broken form in pain and heartbreak, before they also turn away.

He takes it as his last memory of you, so that he can remind himself of the consequences of his sacrifices and suffer for another lifetime for them.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

It was always the world for Welt. Always. No matter what dimension or timeline it was, he always protected the world. And his world included you, but even that wasn't so simple. In order to save you, he had to let you go, he knew that.

So he didn't hesitate to send you away, promising that in another life, or dimension, you two could finally be together. But you ofcourse don't understand. Why can't you choose him here? Why was the world so much more important than you? Why can't he just choose you for once?

His heart rips apart, as he can only silently walk away, unable to answer any of your questions. He thought, he'd be stronger than that. He thought, that he was used to this. And yet, it took him all his strength to not turn around and go back to you.

In the end, he secretly felt like it was all for nothing. He may have saved the world, but lost you in the process. And what's the point, if he can't have you next to him?

-----♡

A/N: Alright, I hope that was angsty enough for you, Anon! Thank you again for the request!<33

[babyboywinchester]

hi its me the fuck or die anon lmao. i had more thoughts

despite all of sams planning, winchester luck meant everything had to go horribly horribly wrong.

the curse hits dean.

dean, the self sacrificing martyr of a man refuses to let sam touch him. sam pleads with him. you would do it for me. dont be fucking stupid. im not going to let you die. let me protect you for once, goddamnit!

and dean says that was never sams job. it was always deans job to keep sammy safe. its in his DNA and its his lifes purpose. dean isnt about to let some curse fuck them up and allow sam to get hurt without a fight. he needs to keep his baby brother safe from having to do something that he couldnt properly consent to. dean fucked up by getting cursed. he made a mistake and he wont let it become his brothers responsibility.

dean cant fathom that sam could actually want it. dean knows he never deserved being wanted by someone as pure and good as sam. dean is fucked up. sammy is his baby brother. hes the boy he raised, grew alongside, mothered, and brothered and still dean has the audacity to crave MORE. he is a monster who cant be satisfied with all of the levels of connection they already have. greed knows nothing about the desire, the need dean has for sam. dean had heard all about the seven deadly sins from pastor jim, but this surpasses anything religion could explain. he is a parasite. his fucked up psyche loves sam to such a degree that there is no boundary he doesnt want to cross. there has never been anyone but sam. dean cant live without him… but sam can live without dean. sam can have a normal life. the life he always should have had.

so sam is left with a choice. he could confess his feelings but he knows dean wouldnt believe it. he would just think sam is trying to convince him of a lie just to save his life.

sam could force it. sam could do the unthinkable to save his family, feelings be damned. cold calloused motions to do what needs to be done. he feels a new sense of connection and understanding for john winchester, and it sinks like hot tar in his gut, leaving him nauseous. for all that sam has hated his father, he always knew he did everything to keep them alive. sam could never deny that his father did what he thought he had to do. its unbridled selfishness, and sam is chilled at the realization that this path would feel freeing.

sam could say fuck it and confess his intentions all along. he could show dean his careful, premeditated plans to coerce this from dean on himself. he could try to explain it was all supposed to be guilt free. the irony isnt lost on him that no matter what the outcome of this is, sam is never going to forgive himself for being so stupid. for doing this to dean.

the only comfort sam has is that it wont come to the last option. he wont let dean die. its not even on his list of possibilities. sam did this to them and he will see it through one way or another. dean will live.

sam has never felt more unclean in his life. and now he knows he has earned it. he doesnt have to wonder anymore about what the evil is that lurks within him. today he found out. sam thinks about how he should feel horrified as he embraces it with open arms to rectify his greatest mistake

Nothing to add to this. It’s good as is.

[brights-place]

could you maybe do dating capper from my little pony?? you dont have to! im not even sure you do much other than trolls, ahah

Capper Dating Headcannons

Pairings: Capper X Reader

Warnings: Fluff

A/N: LOVELY! HAVE YOU SEEN MY MASTERLIST AND ALL THE FANDOMS IM IN?! LOVELY PLEASE GO TO MY MAP I DO MORE THE TROLLS SO DW HONEY! plus my Map is pinned on the top of my account when you see my blog ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

- Okay but what capper did at first in the movie like planning to sell twilight and her friends I was like “Uhm BITCH?!” - Anyways heres the dating headcannons for Capper that little cat bastard who I contemplate whether I like or hate him tbh I stand my ground when he tried to sell the ponies to the circus I wanted to punt that little pussy cat SORRY SORRY! - Capper is portrayed as smooth talking, streetwise, and opportunistic, able to charm and trick others with his charismatic personality and quick wit which was something you fell for - He loves you with his WHOLE heart - Capper IS a loving and caring boyfriend though sometimes he can be an ass from time to time including his crippling debt he tries not to get you pulled into it - Loves how you treat him gently and lovingly he would stare up at you when you cup his face as he purs which he didn't know would be possible around you - He likes helping you out when he can to show you that he doesn't feel ashamed to assist you because he loves you. For him it means a lot that you are asking him to do these small tasks, he feels special. he will purr if you kiss his cheek as a reward. - Capper is not used to receiving genuine compliments, as he didn't often receive them alot due to his... career - But when you compliment him it always catches him off guard a but he eventually learned to appreciate it and it even made him feel a little sentimental and melt into your hands easily

- " I don't want to be a thief forever. I just want to find a place where we can just... be." Capper says cupping your face in his paws as you chuckle softly "No matter what happens I love you everywhere we are is better with you" you two hold each other closely - Though he is an thief and tries to pay of his debt he doesn't want you to ever EVER! be involved in his work - Cappers an con-artist, was once a swanky aristocrat living the high-life with pride and dignity which is sometimes hard to deal with in some moments yet you still love him and ask him to just tone it down abit since you didn't want people to think bad about Capper anymore

- When it comes to cuddling doesn't mind being the big or little spoon! though he very much prefers being the big spoon due to loving the fact feeling you close to his fluffy chest. - He likes it when you run your fingers through his fur or use his fluffy chest as a pillow - Capper will whisper sweet nothings into your ear and tell you how much you mean to him! - He'll place kisses along your face and cover you up a bit when you finally fall asleep don't worry he's not going anywhere because he'll fall asleep next to you and would grip onto you tighter when you leave his arms - He whines and tries to charm you to stay longer with him before you go out - Since he’s like an cat I feel like dating him would also be like having an pet cat to take care off

- Head scratches are 100% didn’t even know he liked it until you did it to him with an huge smile he was absolutely befuddled before relaxing and a low purr left him

- But at the end of the day you know that your fluffy boyfriend can be a sweetheart.

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact!

[pinkthick]

REQUEST ARE OPEN

You can choose from down below any prompt/prompts you want with the following characters:

✩ Stephen Strange

✩ Defender Strange

✩ Sinister Strange

✩ Doctor Strange Supreme(What if?)

✩ Supreme Strange

✩ Monster(from vampires to werewolves lmao) Stephen Strange

✩ Sherlock Holmes

The fanfictions won’t be really long (1500 max ig?) and they would probably be Fem!Reader (I could try with gn!reader too). Choose a sentence/sentences from down below and you can give your own ideas too.

I will be going on a trip so they probably won’t be posted this week(bear with me please).🙏

Prompts

✩ Angst

1. ”Is everything a joke to you?"

2. "It's my fault, I didn't listen to everyone saying this would be a mistake!"

3. "Why does everything have to be a struggle with you?"

4. "I can't believe you sometimes!"

5. “Great. Really great, this is just perfect.”

6. "Why can't you just let it go?"

7. "That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard!"

8. "Maybe you should just leave now."

9. "Oh yes, you're so great.”

10. "I really don't understand what's going on with you sometimes!"

11. "I will leave now, or I'm going to say things I will regret later.”

12. "Have you never actually thought about how I would feel about this?"

13. "Maybe this is it, because I can't do this anymore!"

14. "Don't you dare just walk away right now!”

15. "This wouldn't even be a problem, if you wouldn't make one out of it."

16. "How does that make it okay?"

17. "Do you even listen to yourself?"

18. "I'm glad I finally get to see who you really are.”

19. "Hey, hey, it's okay. Breathe."

✩ Fluff

1. "I thought you left" "Nope, just making pancakes"

2. "I never want to let you go.”

3. "I can't believe you remembered that" "I remember everything about you"

4. "I'm so proud of you"

5. "Did you just call me sweetheart?"

6. "Take my affection before I choke you with it"

7. "Is it okay if I fall asleep here?"

8. "I can keep you company till you fall asleep"

9. "I can't imagine my life without you"

10. "You complete me"

11. "I'm counting down the days until I see you"

12. "I love your apartment" "Our apartment"

13. "Sorry for borrowing your clothes" "Dont be. You look great in them"

14. "One more kiss?"

15. "I'm so glad I met you"

16. "Can I try some of your food?" "Of course. Open wide"

17. "Thanks for believing in me"

✩ Horror(?)

1. "I want to know how you'll taste between my teeth."

2. "I can never get enough of you. I'll drink you down to the last sip."

3. "You look delicious. I won't stop until I've eaten every bite.”

4. “I'm going to engrave myself into your very being.”

5. "We won't stop until you're so covered in my scent, no one will dare touch you again.”

6. "Don't play with fire if you don't want to burn.”

7. "Don't complain now you did this to yourself.”

8. "You reap what you sow."

9. “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

10. "Why are you acting like you don't know me?”

11. "Why are you running? I did this for you!"

12. “You don't need a job, baby. Your job is being mine.”

13. "You're better off without them anyway.”

14. “I removed the problem. You should be thanking me.”

15. “I would never hurt you. You know that, right?”

16. "Why are you scared?”

17. "You're the only reason worth living for.”

18. "Why would you want to leave? I'm keeping you here for your own good!”

19. "There's nothing left for you but me. Everyone else is gone."

20. "No one will ever find you here."

21. “If his filthy hands touch you again I'll kill him.”

22. "Shouldn't you be spending more time with me?”

23. "I can't control how I react when your eyes wander.”

24. “The truth would have just hurt you.”

25. "I'm not lying - I bent the truth a little to protect you."

26. "Don't you believe me?”

27. "I've done everything for you and this is how you repay me?”

28. "I can't eat, I can't sleep. You're all I can think about.”

29. "To my dying breath, I'll never let you go."

30. "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. No matter where you run, I'll catch you.”

31. "Did you really think I wouldn't find you?”

Credits for the prompts @diety-prompts, @writeformesinpie and @creativepromptsforwriting

[quantum-bliss]

Day 6 of heartbreak (night)

Nothing breaks a person's heart like life. I realized I was broken before you and thus I am broken after you. I cant blame you for everything I feel. I realized I isolated myself and cut myself off from the rest of the world to protect myself. I disguised my defense, by saying "I just dont like people" or "theres no good people left." Neither statements are true.

While reflecting on my life, I realized darkeness loves heartbreak because it can use it to ruin our trust, our hearts, and ultimately our lives. Slowly darkenss has consumed me. In response to every painful relationship, I distance myself from people more and more. I wanted to do the same thing this time, I wanted to say I will never trust another soul, but I wont.

Instead I decided to the opposite. I decided to give people a second chance. I decided to forgive people. I prayed to God to make my heart more gentle so I can love people deeper. I decided to show more compassion and see the humanity in everyone, instead of the monsters. I decided I am ready to live again. I wont let what happened steal my life anymore, I decided this time I will rise from the ashes more beautiful and gentle than ever.

Everytime I wanted to get angry again, I reminded myself that you are just human hurting and so am I. I realied, no matter what you do, getting hurt is a part of loving someone. I found myself in a good place because of this change in mindset.

Because of my new found wisdom, I will use this heartbreak to make myself more accessible to the world around me. I will love deeper because of this pain and my heart will grow bigger. This time the devil will pay and not me, this time his tricks wont work, this time I will reclaim my life, this time I will turn pain to purpose.

[daybringersol]

i think the reason that i love william wisp so much is that hes literally me when i was younger, like back when i was depressed, self-hating and refused to try cuz i was scared. i felt hollow, like there wasnt any personality left under that pain. at some point, the idea of getting better felt terrifying to me, cuz i didnt know what id find under all the pain and trauma, if there was even anything left under there.

// JRWI prime defenders S2 EP39 spoilers, tw for psychosis, derealisation and dissociation mentions

with this new era of william wisp, i wouldnt be surprised if I ended up relating to him even more. I think theres a lot of directions he could go towards, personality-wise, and even if he ends up not going the same route as me, i know that the idea itself of having to find yourself after so long spent hiding is gonna resonate with me no matter what.

another thing i find interesting is that i also got that moment when i realised that everything i wanted was at my fingertips, which was the catalyst for me eventually getting better. it was during my psychosis, this friend of mine (who i held in very high regards) ended up telling me off, i dont remember for what exactly (psychosis does funny things to your brain) but it was something related to me not trying to get better. they said something that triggered my derealisation, which of course, sent me into a derealisation/dissociation spiral for some months, and basically straight to rock bottom. of course, i wouldnt recommend that you do that for your friends who are going through similar stuff, im pretty sure i could have died multiple times back then, but in the end, its what pulled me through to where im at now.

i dont remember everything, but basically, the thought process was : nothing is real, its all made up in my head, so theres nothing stopping me from imagining a world where im happy and living in it. i wrote a poem about it, not my best work for obvious reasons, but theres still something to it i think. here :

I want to see tomorrow

I’ve been wishing my whole life for the strength to say "I'm doing great!" when someone ask me how I am

I've always had that strength

I can just say it

It's just 4 words

I

am

Doing

Great

Easy, see?

It doesn't matter if it's false

Or if the tone of my voice was off

Or if the way my eyes naturally met the ground as soon as you entered the room

It doesn't matter

So what, if I'm lying?

In a fraction of second, I might not be lying anymore

No

In a fraction of second, I won't be lying

I've been making planets and universes in my head since I could think

I never thought of making one where I was happy

Why should it matter if it's only in my head

My head is real, it's right there

And in the end, all the other stuff too was in my head

I can trust you

I can have friends

I can be myself

I can have my body back

I can be beautiful

Inside and out

I choose what is true and what is not

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to you

It doesn't matter if I'm lying to myself

In the end, we could be both only in my head

It wouldn't matter

So yeah

I want to see tomorrow

Even if it's raining and even if I don't even notice it's raining

I'll just close my eyes, and I'll have everything I've always wanted

so yea ! even if of course the superpower thing and coming back to life thing isnt very realistic, as a metaphor, williams story makes complete sense. i felt dead, back then. and i truly feel like a different person now.

and im looking forward to see where the story takes him in the future !

[thequietkid-moonie]

Killing the human for revenge

[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Eve ]

[ NieR Automata ]

⚠️ This contain spoilers

⚠️ Explicit death, please dont read if you feel uncomfortable with it

Okaaaaay, this idea has been wandering in my mind since, like, when i reached final A of NieR Automata, and im FINALLY able to write it!! I really hope you like it because i put a lot of heart I this 🖤

I maybe went a little wild when writing this, is just that i reaaaaaally love Eve and this scene and the depression is taking me over again

This wasn't right, this wasn't how things were supoused to be, Eve born to protect his brother, the whole purpose of his life was his brother, he wanted nothing but to be with him, to be able to play with him and be by his side, but now his world was cracking under him

Eve was willing to indulge on whatever Adam wanted, he accepted to read those books, use those weird clothes and even eat those apples just to please his brother, because if Adam was happy then he was happy too, but now that Adam wasn't with him anymore there was nothing but anger in him, an inmense anger that does nothing but grow with every second of grief it pass

Why it has to be his brother? Why those androids had to take his brother away from him? Why those stupids androids think that a mere weak and pathetic human is more important? Why did Adam thought that too? He was so inmerse on the knowledge of the humans that he even sacrifice his life to get to met that human that was in custody of those androids, to try to be the closest he can be in every way with the human

Everything was their fault, he had lose his brother because of them! He feel this inmense pain because of them! He feel like this world isn't worthy of living without his brother because of them! It was those androids who rip his brother away form him and he is going to take revenge, he is going to kill those stupids androids, attack them and destroy them until this pain on his heart stops, but before that he is going to make the real culprit pay and regret everything, he is going to kill that stupid human first

And the only one left that could deal with this problem was 2B

2B's mind was troubled and racing, 9S had been severaly injured and you had been threaten by Adam, he had taken both from 2B's grasp for just a moment but that was enough for her to feel like the entire world was falling apart, and even if now she can at least have you close that didn't stop her to feel completely troubled, besides, she was still worried because even if Adam didn't attacked you he was so pushy with you, wanting you to admit that for humans the only important thing was the hate

Even if 2B didn't felt ready she needed to take care of the caos that started outside of the resistance camp, the machine were getting erratic and caotic, leaving you behind, asking you to stay there, she imediatly run to attend the issue

It happened so fast, the machines were being a big trouble for everyone because of Eve's determination, he wasn't planing on giving up and it was that determination that, no matter how much you or the other androids tried to help you, at the end you were brought to Eve

Despite his anger, he was taking his time, greeting you with a smile, taking time to express how much he despised you, blaming you for what happened to him and even cursing you you, maybe he was making time for the android to came or he was just enjoying your terrified expression, whatever was his reason to wait it didn't matter because when he couldn't hold back anymore and just snaped, immediatly taking you from your neck and start pressing, holding you up and aplying more and more pressure while blaming you for everything he was feeling, while you couldn't do anything to defend yourself, even when your mind and heart was racing with fear, even when you felt a rush of adrenaline running through your veins, your strength just wasn't enough to defend yourself and you were forced to suffer, to feel your body fight and get desperate as your lungs crave for air, feeling your heart beat so fast that it probably just get out of your chest and your bood running through your veins, your whole body was in an inmense pain until everything finally stoped, the sound of your spine finally breaking for Eve's hold, making your body go numb, motionless, inexpressive, lifeless

And everything happening in front of an impotent 2B that couldn't do anything but scream your name, barely able to focus on defend herself from the machines when she was horrified by the scene in front of her

It take a moment to Eve to realice that you were already gone for blinded by his anger and continue pressing your neck, taking a better look of your now corpse, feeling quite satisfied by his actions but not feeling better about his grief, the pain was still there, so he decided to just continue with his plan, looking directly to 2B, ready to take her down like he had done with you, throwing your body at the floor as if it was nothing and leaving the machines crush it, not even letting 2B to try to reach it, imediatly fighting against her with all his strength, if he wasn't able to be with his brother at the end then she didn't have the right to have you by her side

[gayspock]

ok whatever

i feel s fucking disconnected i feel like im crazy whenever im withpeople i cant even trickmyself into feeling like im on the same plane of existence and cant fucking understand any of it i cannotfucking care. i fucking hate being so alone but i dont fucking care any more and its toomuch i cant handle and yep yep yep im not fuckign "enough" to fucking fight it or whatever the fuck thatmeans but i dont fucking care because no matter what its never going tomake a damn difference . and i dont know i keep fuckingwanting it so badly and thats the conceit of it all fucking losing my mind . trying but i dontknow whats wrong with me or whats so fucking funny about me . and when im trying.something something . rejection is one thing . i get it and i expect it now or just whatever but. idontknow what else to do though i feel like i always jsutburn myself out triyng to be part of peoples lives and howevermuch i care itsjust a joke its always just a fucking joke and it never makes a difference and i jsut fucking recede and it never matters when i do that either or whatever i jsut i want to feel fucking tangible but i dont know what to do anymore because i feel so fucking alien all the fucking timelike everyone. fucking. talks. about. loneliness oh im so fucking alone i dontfucking know i want to punch them when theyvehad partners when they talk to their family wqhen literally fucking anything jsut fucking anything i just want to have someonefucking know i exist in some fucking capacity liek i spend months, years without fuckinganyhting and even before then what . i odnt know. i used to come home from schoolcrying because i just wanted to be taken seriously but i feel like peoepl just always included me cuz i was kind of a funny joke at worst and incidental at best like we'll never rremember you, you'll never be invited to anything, we'll neve rbring you along, we'll never include you in the same way we remember everyone else. theres a point of like i know im meant to ask . sometimes i can get that.but i dont know. why do i alwayshave to do that why is it always exerting so much time and energy when ihavenothing left any morre to ty and force myself into peoples lives . when the others dont. when nobody else in that situation had to try and fucking make it happen. when i dont think they want me there ever. and i just wantthat to be fucking wanted in some way to fucking exist in soem capacity that isnt me in my own fucking head going nuts . like oh we rememberedyou in the same way everyone else is a part of this but even that its like. i dontknow even thats so . so fucking dumb and fucdking hard to fucking everconceive of those once in every so many years occurences that happen less and less. its so mortifying crying about it all like that . somethimng soething. you know when reality kicksin again cuz you realise THAT. the shit that you used to fucking sobabout for hours and hours at night cuz u felt so fucking alone and isolated all the fucking time was the best it was ever going to be and the easiest it was ever going to be.

and its just so much fuckingharder to ever do it now because i know at our age nobodys ever going to have the time or patience to deal with afucking headcase and i go to work and italk to people and i jsut feel people fucking laughing at me and i go to spaces and i feel myself seizingup. even the places where you think itmight be easier more accepting. the "theyre all alone there must be something wrong with them" laughsthat you get the fact you dont have anything inyour life any more you dont have anything to talk about youre just nothing but a fucking whole bunch of failures. andits like i cant ezxpect it right i cant expect anyone to like me and its not fair to cry atpeople for not liking me when its jsut like . dude youre just annoying and a loser and its not that deep but yeah it means youjre gonna be alone a nd i odnt know i cant talk straight any more and imso exhausted all the time andim getting more tired and theres nothing and yourwhole life is eaten up bytrying to stay afloatikeep thinking about whats going to happen how its always on the precipice howi dont have enough in me to fget through anything how one bad thing can happen and it can set me back months, years because i cantmanage it on my own but what else is ther ei cant do anything i keep trying things they just fucking mean nothing i feel like i go home on my own and spiral and i just reallydo want help and peoplejsut tell you to ask for it but then when you do itdoes nothing and idont understand how it jsut happens for otherpeople how they can just . even find some asort of connection i cant fucking read anytihng about it i feel like whenever i do experiencde media with someone talking about their loneliness even then theres something fucking tethering them some fucking distant fucking connection i fele like im going fucking nuts im kidding i always say that who cares i havent had a conversation with someone in years i think ive had more birthdays alone than ive ever had with another person i cant manage to do anything but spiral i kepegetting angry at everyone and idont know theres a part of me that feels sick with myself theres anotherpart of me that jsut wants to let it happen cuz what does it matter its never going to matter even if im mad its funny topeople its a fucking funnnyyyyyy joke in the end if they even notice at all and i just dont know what i do wrong i dont know because even when i go back and i analyse everything over and overagain its nothing its just always just the. yourejust not fucking enough for anyhting youre just not enough wevn when you give your all you cant do anything right i cant do anything right and fair enoughryeah like fair enough nobody stays for that because what do you give topeople you can care but eveyrone can fucking careand at the end of the day youre just a burden blah blahj balh i feel fucking crazyyyysmile gorgeous smile

[yurissweettooth]

Tired of every single day seeing 29583995 posts about how you are supposed to engage in fandom and how everyone who engages differently is wrong and bad and not allowed to do this and that.

Literally do not understand why people are so pressed about what other people are doing for fun.

Do I find the way people interpret/misinterpret some characters to be annoying and baffling at times? Yes! I think everyone does. But that doesn't mean the person who is over there having a fun time not hurting anyone is at fault for it. You can block them and move on and say nothing.

This was inspired by a screenshot of someone saying something to the tune of "normalize mischaracterizing your comfort characters. I dont care whether or not they would canonically do something." And someone retweeted (to a seemingly large audience) telling them that they must not actually like the character. Which feels pretty mean-spirited to an innocuous post about how someone chooses to engage with something that comforts them.

And I honestly think the original person had a point. Normalizing it does not mean YOU have to do it or YOU have to like people's interpretations, it means that people will be allowed to engage in harmless fun without everyone getting up and arms and making assumptions about them or QRTing their post to thousands of people calling them a fake fan.

Everyone has a different idea of what fun and comfort is and for some people that's making wacky AUs or exaggerating traits and playing dollhouse and for others that meticulously researching and nailing down every canon detail in their works. Some people like tiktok and incorrect quote edits and some like meta and deepdives into and it's all okay and fine!

Someone doesn't HAVE to make an OC. If they want their quick fix of comfort and catharsis by just tacking traits on to a pre-made character that they don't have to expend extra energy on then who cares?

Also lots of neurodivergent people (like myself) and kids get caught in the crossfire as well, but really I think EVERYONE should have the right to do what they want. This feels like another extension if cringe culture which should be dead an buried by now.

And I say all this as a person who PREFERS to engage in fandom in a canon-compliant, lore-friendly way and yet has also been the victim of this.

I have had bad/mean fandom experiences over presenting evidenced, well-sourced, and canon compliant material that just happens to contradict popular fanon. I have also received backlash for putting a character through 10+ years of canon-compliant, well researched, and carefully constructed character development which led them to do things differently in the future than they did in canon.

But I don't always feel like giving a 20+ paragraph disclaimer on every single doodle, edit, or short fic to prove to you exactly how they got here and why it's canon compliant (although I unfortunately DO tend to do this to avoid repeats of past hate :/) because it really shouldn't matter. Blocking me outright or blocking my tags should suffice.

I will never understand this mentality of "Only I do things correctly, everyone else is wrong and bad and ruining everything and I have to shame people doing harmless things so everyone sees how right I am" and I feel like I've been seeing it more and more every day lately and it's frustrating. This is a big part of why I left twitter but it's getting popular here too now.

This is honestly a big part of why I don't post the majority of my fanart and fics anymore. I no longer post meta or silly edits, I no longer reach out to people to discuss ideas, I rarely share my thoughts on any characters publicly, etc.

I live a very stressful life and I engage in fandom to relax and have fun but that has been very difficult for me due to people who always feel the need to be hateful over innocuous things. I feel more and more like I need to walk on eggshells so I do not accidentally incite another ✨️incident✨️ because I dared to post a silly headcanon or edit. And that sort of hate and "umm, actually..." response STILL happens to me, even in recent days because god forbid I post an AU I enjoyed and wished to share with people who might also enjoy it!! It's so frustrating.

And this, of course, is NOT referring to people who try to force/shame others into their interpretations (regardless of if they are compliant or not). This is also NOT about bigoted material. Turning characters into harmful stereotypes (making a black woman who is not sassy sassy, for example), using them to spread hateful messages, and erasing their identities/whitewashed their designs. That is a separate issue. But someone making a character you like say something they wouldn't say in canon? Making them act a little silly? Ignoring parts of canon to make an idea they have work? It's not hurting anyone!!!