#Not to mention all of them (except Duck) are murders. Intentionally or not

[yurki-posts]

Comfort sillies :>

[jamaiskookie]

chapter two ; vent shenanigans 

🎃 warnings: mentions of injury / falls, police officer jargon (?) 

🎃 word count: 4.1k

🎃 genre: crack + humour = quality bangtan fics

🎃 A/N: i’m back!! i missed you... what’s up ? :-) go flood my inbox okay thanks HEHEHEHEHHEHE I’M EVIL FOR ENDING IT LIKE THIS BUT I’M NOT SORRY

main masterlist.  heist masterlist.  PREV

🎃 synopsis: “it’s heist time, baby!“ detective jeon jungkook is not nicknamed ‘golden maknae’ for no reason. he’s good at everything, except pleasing his superiors, something his colleagues find to be a piece of cake. which is why he jumps on the opportunity to finally prove himself in something he knows he’ll excel in: a halloween heist.

“Who has the key?”

“It’s not me! It’s Jeon, I can feel it in my bones!”

“Wha-? Are you kidding me right now?”

“It’s you! I never saw where the key went after you took the box away, you must’ve stashed it on yourself instead of putting it inside the box! Guys, I got it, it’s Jungkook. Now everyone just hOARD him-”

“Don’t you dare touch Jungkook!”

“I left the key in the box so no one can snatch it!”

“Jimin, get your hand away from my ass or I swear to God I will murder you- ”

“Wait, so are we trying to find the key or the box or the watch? I’m honestly just confused?”

“JUNGKOOK. It’s Jungkook, I’m literally calling it.”

“Bitch- pardon my french- but, Bitch?? I have been staying still all this time! I think it’s Namjoon, he’s making random accusations with zero reasoning.”

“I literally don’t know what’s going on.”

“What’s the use of teams if we’re all going to be like this? I vote that we all split up, every man for themselves.”

“I agree, Seokjin is not a very good teammate. He spent the last few minutes practicing a dance to Beyonce’s ‘Partition’. I think he’s in a cult, but we’ll get back to that.”

“I’m not in a cult, it’s a dance team! It’s a sport, you know?”

“Fuck, who was that?” 

“That’s my hand, what the fuck? Why are all the lights off?”

“Is there a power shortage?”

“Holy fucking goddamn shit, someone must be trying to get the box! Protect, protect, protect! I repeat: Someone is infiltrating!”

“How do we know it’s not just you pulling a trick, huh, TAEHYUNG?!”

“The box, it’s fucking gone!”

The lights abruptly switch back on. Jimin and Taehyung fall back with a thud, wincing at the sudden intrusion of light. Everyone turns to the middle of the room. A gasp goes around the precinct. 

Yoongi. 

literally only ten minutes ago :

Jungkook is slightly regretting all the decisions he has made over the course of his short 23 years of living. It may be too late for that- He’s made some really stupid desicions before- but if only he had come clean and just taken disciplinary action. Maybe he wouldn’t have been roped into such an elaborate plan. 

Although, he must admit, it does appeal to his competitive side. But if only he had just told the Captain earnestly, that he was just eating overripe bananas for the hell of it, he wouldn’t be hanging upside down from the ceiling of the precinct right now. 

Because if there’s anything he’s learned from his accumulative 10 hours per week spent on Among Us, it’s that vents are the best invention known to mankind for all things sneaky and deceitful. This particular incident checks both of those boxes.

Except he isn’t killing one of the players and chucking them off a spaceship. 

Jimin whispers in his ear through Jungkook’s airpods, “Are you okay? Over.” 

“Hello Carbonara Boy, please use our code names. Over.” Jungkook whispers in response. 

“Justin Seagull, is everything going smoothly? Over.” Jungkook cracks up as quietly as he is able to at his code name. 

“Carbonara Boy, the coast seems to be clear. Going in.” Jungkook mumbles into the phone. 

“Okay Justin Seagull,” Jimin pauses before continuing. “Be careful, don’t fall out of the vents like you did last time.” Jungkook swallows his annoyance down.

“That was one time, and it was barely a fall.” Jungkook says through gritted teeth. “Carbonara Boy.” He adds as an afterthought after he realises he had foregone the codename formalities.

“You were almost rushed to the ER, what do you mean barely-?!” Jimin argues, and Jungkook’s eye twitches. He’s so tempted to mute Jimin on his call, but he can’t afford it. He needs someone to be on the lookout in case Yoongi pops back from his fourth coffee run of the night. 

Jungkook’s head bangs against the top of the vent, and he wordlessly curses whoever designed these things to be so tiny. It’s like they didn’t even consider that an (almost) 6 foot man would be crawling through the ceiling vent to win a Halloween Heist. He crawls army style on his elbows, inching forward slowly to the next opening. 

“Justin Seagull- ” Jimin stops. “Wait, what’s Namjoon’s codename?” Jungkook’s about to reply when a voice rings out, clearly from below him. He stops in his tracks, not paying attention to Jimin’s question. 

“- helping Jeon? From what I know, you take delight in ratting him out.” Says a voice which sounds suspiciously like Taehyung. Jungkook can feel the force of Namjoon’s eyes rolling all the way from the ceiling. 

Wait. Taehyung? Namjoon? Did he accidentally crawl to the break room? Jungkook throws his head back- as much as he can in the enclosed space, internally groaning and working out the physics of how the heck he’s going to be able to turn around in this tiny vent. 

What he meant to do was get to the middle of the precinct. He strategically had placed his watch box straight underneath a vent covering, meaning he could swing down and grab the box immediately while Jimin created some sort of distraction. How did he manage to get to the break room instead?

“I can’t.” A snobby sounding voice pipes up to answer Taehyung. Yes, that was definitely Namjoon’s nagging voice. “He’s attacked my pride now, I have to win!” Taehyung sighs- a sound that Jungkook has practically memorised just from the sheer amount of times Taehyung has sighed at whatever kind of stupid antics Jungkook has found himself doing. 

“Okay,” The sergeant relents. “It can’t be too hard. It’s just taking a watch. It’s not even guarded, or hidden, or anything. Just out there in plain sight. I’ll go out and get it. I have work to get back to, and I need to be back home early tonight, the twins are going trick-or-treating.”

Jungkook hears a loud scraping noise, and then a goose quacking from below. 

“Are you stupid?” Nevermind, it wasn’t a goose. Just Namjoon screeching. “It’s a Halloween Heist. No way it’ll be that easy, we’re playing against the best officers in the force. If you go out and grab it, then the others will come out and pounce on us.”

“Okay!” Taehyung relents, giving in so that Namjoon will stop his duck screeching. “Then what do you propose we do?” There’s a pregnant pause and the unmistakable sound of Namjoon fiddling with his glasses- a habit he’s built up when he’s concentrating. 

Jimin is still yelling through Jungkook’s airpods, even though Jungkook can’t reply. Jungkook drags himself back by a centimeter experimentally, accidentally bumping his head against the top of the vent. His face twists up in pain, wordlessly hissing. 

“What was that?” Taehyung asks. 

Curses. 

Jungkook scampers away (As much as he can scamper in a tiny vent.) going backwards on his elbows as fast and as quietly as he can. But then suddenly, his abdomen sinks in the metal below him, and the vent floor rips apart. Jungkook freezes, and promptly falls into the air. 

Bemusedly, Jungkook wonders if this is how felons feel when they hear a police siren nearby. It’s terrifying. Maybe he should be more empathetic to his perps. Jungkook lands on his stomach with a deafening, telltale screech of the metal scraping the floor, rolling across on his back in excruciating pain. 

“- Kook, did you hear me? I said that I think you’re headed to Namjoon- what was that noise?” Jimin questions worriedly from the phone. Jungkook sighs in relief, because Jimin’s clear voice means his phone is still intact from the fall. He brings his knuckles up to his eyeline and winces. 

His phone may be intact, but his body is slightly ruined. Nothing new, he thinks. At least he didn’t break a bone this time.  

Namjoon and Taehyung look on confusingly. After a wild pause of silence and tension, Namjoon speaks. “Were you,” He says, enunciating each syllable. “Spying on us?” 

“Not intentionally.” Jungkook defends, still hurt on the ground. “I just fell out of a vent, and your biggest worry is that I was spying on you guys? Wow. I’m hurt. I thought we were closer than this, Kim.” Namjoon waves away Jungkook’s concerns. 

“You always fall out of things. This isn't even the first time you’ve fallen out of a vent.”

“- Why does everyone keep bringing that up!”

The break door swings open, and Jimin screams when he sees Jungkook laying on the floor. “Oh, god! Oh, god, oh God! Oh no, what happened?” He blanches at the sight of the tiniest amount of blood lacing Jungkook’s knuckles. 

“I’m fine,” Jungkook grumbles, reaching his hand up to motion at Jimin. His hair is sticking out in all directions, his clothes crumpled and his Jimin grabs a hold of him with his left hand, pulling him up so he can stand. Jungkook groans, clutching at his stomach. “I’m fine, this isn’t even that bad. The metal took most of the fall.” He insists. “I’m not going to break my three year streak of not going to a doctor.”

“You haven’t been to a doctor in three years??” Before Taehyung can jump into his lecture on how poorly Jungkook is managing his health, Jungkook balances on his feet and flings an arm around Jimin’s shoulder, smiling brightly. 

“Carry on with your heisting, men. Apologies for the interruption, my B. Definitely my bad.” Jungkook dismisses it and heads to the direction of the door as if there is not a whole chunk of vent on the ground, which he just fell out of. But Namjoon just shrugs. That’s Jungkook for you. 

The man has unorthodox ways and almost always lives spontaneously. 

“What is going on here?” Hoseok asks just as Jungkook and Jimin are about to walk out. The Captain stares suspiciously inside, and Jungkook’s smile stretches unnaturally up to his ears; the smile he puts on manually when he has something to hide. 

“Nothing! I didn’t break any government property, that’s for sure.” Jungkook reassures the Captain, slowly closing the door behind him, concealing the mess inside with a blinding grin. Hoseok’s glare narrows, but he doesn’t make an attempt to investigate any further. 

After all, the watch is still shut tight in the middle of the room, untouched and unmoving. 

“What were you doing in the Kims’ territory?” Seokjin asks, but his gaze is fixed on his phone screen, texting furiously. He looks up when Jungkook doesn’t reply. 

“Umm,” Jimin fumbles. “We were just-” 

“Jeon fell out of a vent.” Hoseok proposes, filling in the rest of Jimin’s sentence. 

“The fuck?” Jungkook sputters out. “How did you know?” Jin breaks out in laughter, pushing both of them aside to peek into the room. Sure enough, metal scraps lay in the center with the imprint of Jungkook’s back seen in the middle. His laugh grows more obnoxious and he leans over his stomach. 

Hoseok shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s a satisfying victorious glint in the corner of his eye. “You have blood on your knuckles, I can see the Kims in there looking at something on the ground, and I figured the large crash we heard could only mean that Jungkook did something.” Jungkook pouts. 

“Plus,” Hoseok points out. “This isn’t the first time Jungkook’s fallen out of a vent, so it was fairly simple figuring out what happened.” Jungkook holds his palm up, signalling his superior to stop. 

“Okay,” He sighs out. “We get it. I fall out of vents. I’m not the imposter, I swear this was an accident.” Hoseok turns to Seokjin, forcing him to abruptly force down his laughing fit, as he always does when he doesn’t understand a pop culture reference.   

“Oh,” Jin begins explaining. “It’s this really popular game online. There is an imposter which acts as a killer, and they have to kill everyone on the ship before each crewmate finishes their tasks.” If anything, Jin’s explanation leaves even more questions unanswered, but the Captain doesn’t pry any further. Jungkook’s grin softens sheepishly. 

“Nothing suspicious here!” He exclaims loudly, hobbling away with Jimin back to the evidence room. Four pairs of eyes follow his footsteps, waiting just in case he suddenly reaches out to grab the box. But Jungkook is smart enough to know that his colleagues aren’t afraid to tackle him, crippled or not. 

Reluctantly, Hoseok walks back to his office, dragging Seokjin by the collar. Namjoon sighs, pursing his lips in annoyance. 

“Well,” He remarks defeatedly to Taehyung. “There goes our vent plan.” He crosses off ‘Among Us Vent ~ Plan #53’ off the gigantic bright pink binder which lays on the table. Taehyung not-so-secretly lets out a relieved exhale, which Namjoon pretends not to notice. 

But the vent isn’t what triggers the chaos about to ensue. No, that was entirely a misunderstanding. Jungkook balances himself on Jimin’s shoulder, while Jimin is chastising him, scolding him for not being careful. 

“If you keep falling out of vents-”

“Again, it was only twice-”

“Two times more than necessary. Normal people don’t fall out of vents that often, Jungkook.” Jungkook beams down at Jimin, the tip of a bad joke already rolling out his mouth.

“But we’re not normal people, Chimmy,” He says proudly. “We’re cops.” He says it as if he’s reciting a speech after being awarded a medal for his work in the force, not like someone who just fell (Quite spectacularly) out of a vent. 

“The vent just couldn’t hold all this muscle.” Jungkook says. “All of this,” He holds up his knuckles and flexes his knee out cautiously. He really isn’t that badly hurt. Jimin just makes a big deal out of everything. “Will be healed soon.” Jimin doesn’t seem too convinced. 

Jungkook shuts the evidence room door behind him, rubbing the back of his neck in slight regret. In hindsight, the whole vent idea was probably a bad idea. Even if it did end up sounding like a good plan, he should’ve sent Jimin in the vent instead of him. Jimin’s short stature and thin stance would have given him a much larger advantage than Jungkook had in a vent. Jimin also has a better sense of direction than Jungkook does. He probably wouldn’t have ended up crawling to the break room. 

Jimin sits Jungkook down, still side-eyeing him annoyingly for the vent incident. 

“Okay, so plan A failed!” Jungkook exclaims, worriedly positively. “Time for plan B!” 

Jimin’s right eyebrow lifts up in confusion. “Do you have a plan B?”

“Well… ” Jungkook pauses. “No, but we’ll work one out.” 

“Just no more vents, please?” Jimin pleads, and Jungkook agrees. As if Jimin would let him go five feet near a vent ever again even if he didn’t agree. 

“Okay, no more vents. I promise.” (Jungkook crosses his third finger over his index finger behind his back. Just in case. You never know when going inside a vent is going to come in handy.) 

“You know, I was thinking… ” Jimin ponders, and Jungkook perks up, listening intently. “It’s weird that Yoongi’s not back- ” Jungkook put a finger up, silently telling Jimin to shut up for a bit. He peeks outside the door through the blinds, frowning. After almost zero thought or consideration, he flings the door open and steps outside. 

“Hey!” Jimin squeaks out. “You’re not fully healed yet, you shouldn’t walk-!” He follows Jungkook out the door. Outside, possibly the most brutal fight ever happened in the precinct is going on. And that’s saying something. They have some of the highest arrest records in Seoul. 

You would be surprised how violent teenaged girls can get when you take away their phones. 

Jimin can still feel that bald spot at the back of his head if he reaches back far enough. That patch of hair will never grow back, he thinks sadly. Curse Kim Yoona, that little delinquent. He should’ve just left her alone when he saw her drinking a can of beer on the sidewalk. 

Outside, Jin and Taehyung are currently engaged in the most intense screaming match Jungkook has ever seen. 

“- Well then, WHY would you be out here messing with the box then?!” The squawking noise comes from Seokjin. 

“MESSING WITH THE BOX? I did no such thing!” And the shrieking is Taehyung’s voice. 

“You’re clearly trying to steal the box straight in front of us, idiot!” Squawk. 

“I was just trying to get to my desk!” Shriek. 

“wHY would you go through this path to get to your desk?” Squawk. 

Jungkook waves his arms, walking in between the two feuding men, as if his body can block out the squawking and shrieking. It doesn’t, and the men continue to argue through Jungkook’s torso. 

“You’re trying to win the heist by being an idiot? That’s what you’re doing?” 

“An idiot-? - Jungkook get out of the way I’m going to commit murder- ”

“Seokjin,” Jungkook sighs. “Don’t murder him in a police station. If you must, you might as well do it in a dark alley or something.” Taehyung looks offended, but he doesn’t have enough time to get mad or berate him through Jungkook’s ongoing speech. 

“What’s going on? Is the box still here?” Jungkook asks. The box is sat still just about a meter next to him, which is slightly relieving and at the same time, disappointing. He thought some real drama had been going on. 

Hoseok and Namjoon are huddled in a corner, watching. A sigh leaves Namjoon’s lips, but nobody can tell whether the source of the sigh is from frustration or just one of Namjoon’s periodic i-can’t-believe-i-work-with-these-idiots sighs, which Jungkook is usually the recipient of. 

The captain and the exasperated officer step forward, about to enter the screaming match. Jimin also shuffles towards the huddle of police, craning his head to examine the box- which is still sitting untouched. But not for long, of course. 

Namjoon frowns, already suspicious of the other side and he slides over next to Taehyung, defending him. The very same way, Hoseok stands at Seokjin’s side, quietly displaying a rare case of loyalty. Seokjin preens over the box, but he can’t open it to see if the watch is still inside- the others would surely protest. 

And Jungkook and Jimin are just left awkwardly to the side, looking over the looming threat of the severe conflict going on. 

“Who has the key?” The Captain asks. 

And well, you know the rest. (Just scroll up, please. For efficiency’s sake there will be a slight time skip. Thank you for your cooperation!)  

 two minutes after the start of the screaming match ~

“Yoongles-!” Seokjin yelps at the sight of Yoongi bursting in. Yoongi looks seemingly confused; obviously some sort of distraction or act he’s played up to confuse the precinct- well, Jungkook will have none of that, thank you very much. 

“Okay,” He scowls. “We get it, Yoongi, you intellectual smuck.” Yoongi stares blankly at Jungkook, mouthing the words ‘intellectual smuck’ silently to himself. 

“What, suddenly you have the vocabulary skill of an actual adult?” Yoongi asks in his signature dry and emotionless tone. Jungkook should be offended, but he still hasn’t passed that vocabulary test from the second grade, so maybe he has a point. 

Even the Captain is staring warily at Yoongi. Namjoon and Taehyung are just straight up glaring at this point. Jimin is just confused. 

“I just came back from a Starbucks- I didn’t want to support capitalism, but nothing else was open this late- what are you guys doing?” Before anyone can answer his obvious lie, he notices the chair in the middle of the room. “Oh hey,” He says, the expression on his face lifting up a little. “Are you guys done already?” 

Six heads slowly turn to the middle of the precinct to the chair that Jungkook had dragged out just half an hour ago. It’s empty, with just a light coating of dust left on the surface of the seat. The six heads turn back to Yoongi with knowing glances and pointed glares. 

He lifts one hand- the hand not holding the starbucks paper cup in surrender. 

“Wasn’t me.” He said, unconcerned. “Why would I bother stealing it?” But his hand clutching the coffee cup is placed weirdly, like he grabbed it hastily in the dark. And, Jungkook notices Yoongi's left knee is weirdly pressed against the second drawer in his desk. 

Jungkook’s eyes narrow. 

“Then if you didn’t steal it,” Yoongi rolls his eyes in irritation when he hears the word ‘steal’. “What’s in that second drawer, Yoongles?” Yoongi halts. After an odd moment of hesitation, he sets down his coffee. He swallows down nothing, gulping while darting his eyes around. His cheeks turn rosy, which is unsettling to see on his pale as white face. 

Min Yoongi is nervous, which is a sight Jungkook never thought he would live to see. 

Strangely enough, he exchanges a brief look to Jimin before stuttering out a response to Jungkook. “Ah- ” He blurts out. “Nothing.” 

“Nothing?” Namjoon barks out. “I take back the accusation I placed on Jungkook, then. Yoongi clearly orchestrated this whole thing.” Yoongi sputters out some noise of complaint. 

“Open the drawer, Min.” Hoseok commands, exercising his authority in a slightly (?) questionable way. However, nobody seems to be complaining. Nobody but Yoongi, of course. 

 “Hey!” He yells. “That's an infringement of privacy! You have no right to do so, even as my employer!” Hoseok, regrettably, has to commend his employee’s knowledge of rights and bylaws in the workplace. Jungkook curses. He only has two options to win the heist now, each just as unlikely feasible as the other. 

1.  Somehow manage to convince Yoongi to open his drawer, then grab onto the watch-box before anyone else gets a hold of it.

Highly unlikely that Yoongi will open his drawer in the first place; that man is the physical manifestation of the word stubborn. 

2.  Cause a distraction and break into Yoongi’s drawer. 

Quite unethical for a police officer to do in the first place. And also, he’d really prefer to come out of this heist alive. And Yoongi would definitely skin him alive if he went through his private stuff. So the best chance he’s got is to prod at option number one. 

Jungkook crosses his arms together. Beside him, Taehyung and Hoseok do the same. “There’s only one reason you wouldn’t open the damn drawer, sunbae.” He says. “It’s because you have the watch-box inside, isn’t it?” 

Seokjin nods in agreement. “You put up this whole front saying you want nothing to do with this and then dropping off to go get coffee so we wouldn’t suspect you!”

“How else can you explain all the lights suddenly turning off?”

“Must have been a freak power cut, I don’t know!”

“Also!” Jimin adds furiously. “You didn’t even get us anything from Starbucks! How could you? You know the pumpkin spice latte is only here until Halloween!” Which is the least of their worries right now, but Jimin’s remark is enough to make Yoongi flinch. 

“I’m telling you,” He insists, but his grip on the drawer hasn’t budged an inch. He’s nervous, but there’s a tiny proud or smug look in the corner of his eye. He definitely has the box. Jungkook’s now absolutely and completely sure of it. “I don’t have the stupid box thing!” 

“You lie.” Taehyung accuses, and Hoseok nods. He’s been strangely silent, although Jungkook supposes the Captain can’t very well get angry and begin reprimanding his officers for something like this. A secondary theory he has is that the Captain can’t afford to lose his steely-cool reputation, which would be upheld no matter what Hoseok does, but he doesn’t bother to point that out. 

“Hand over the box,” Jungkook says. “You can’t stay here all up until midnight.”

“I don’t have the goddamn box, for fuck’s sake-!” 

“Language. If the ‘goddamn box’ isn’t hidden in your desk, then what is in your drawer of mystery, Officer Min?”  

“Can a man not have his secrets?”

“Your secrets… are hidden in your office desk?” 

“... Never mind that, I heard Jungkook fell out of a vent again, what was that about?”

“He just can’t keep himself from falling out of vents.” 

“ONE TIME. - And you’re changing the subject! Stop it!”

Amidst the chaos unfolding, Namjoon stands in the corner, occasionally jumping in to jab a few words at a very infuriated Yoongi. When nobody is looking, the corner of Namjoon’s mouth tilts up in a smug, but subtle smirk. Nobody, not even his own ‘partner’ Taehyung is aware of the rectangular box containing someone’s certain watch in the second drawer of his desk. Now all he has to do is hold on to it until midnight. 

TO BE CONTINUED.

🎃 talk to the bangtan officers!  add yourself to the taglist!

TAGS; @extremeobsessions101​ @jksbbyfacebunny​ @dwcljh​ @stonyiscanon​ @bishuthot​ @s0seo​ @cecedrake2217​ 

[anubislover]

Of Friendship, Captains, and Wedding Dresses

It was rare that Luffy asked to go shopping with his navigator. The hyperactive captain usually didn’t have the patience for following Nami around a peaceful town as she tried on clothes, instead complaining that he was hungry or bored and why couldn’t they go on an adventure? It was best to let him go off on his own whenever they reached an island with decent enough shops, as it saved her the headache and trouble that came with reigning him in.

This time, though, the rubber captain had practically begged to go with her, agreeing to carry all her bags and not mention meat once. Three hours in and he’d kept that promise, not even complaining that she was taking too long trying stuff on or haggling down the prices of navigation equipment. Once or twice, he even gave an opinion, even if it wasn’t much more than “the color’s nice” or “can you fight in that?”

To be honest, it had Nami worried.

“Why’d you want to come shopping with me, Luffy?” she asked as she handed him another bag stuffed with shoes. Sparkly sandals with three-inch heels had caught her eye, but she had intentionally taken her time deciding between the turquoise and the teal, testing if her captain would say anything. Throughout the grueling twenty minutes he’d sat patiently, not commenting that the difference between them really was miniscule.

Stretching his arms to make room for her latest purchase, he merely shrugged. “I just wanted to spend time with you. Is that ok?”

“I mean, of course, but wouldn’t you rather explore the island?”

“I can do that with Usopp and Chopper later. Robin says there are some cool beetles in the forest that are supposed to come out at night, so I’ll have a midnight adventure!”

A giggle escaped her lips. That sounded far more like the man she knew. Maybe she was overthinking things; they’d spent two years apart after Sabaody, and since the crew had reunited there hadn’t been much opportunity for leisure time or hanging out. Luffy often asked her to play games with him, but between the maps she had to draw, tending to her mikan trees and the New World’s dangerously unpredictable weather, she rarely accepted, knowing she had to be ready for a storm or other disaster at any time.

Even when danger wasn’t imminent, she wasn’t always around; Law had gotten into the habit of “running into them” quite regularly and spiriting her away to his ship to make the most of their “alliance.” Hell, part of the reason she was so anxious to go shopping was because he’d started ripping her clothes off in the heat of the moment, which usually meant she had to borrow his shirts and hoodies just to get back to the ship. The sight never failed to leave Sanji in tears, and even Luffy had started looking grim at how often she returned in the surgeon’s clothes.

Regardless, something was clearly up with her captain. Maybe Luffy just really wanted to spend some time with her, and he felt shopping was the only way since he could never manage to stay quiet long enough to join her in the library and she didn’t trust him with her precious mikan trees. Or maybe he felt bad over how often his reluctant friend ruined her clothes and wanted to make it up to her by acting as a pack mule. After all, she regularly repaired his hat when it got damaged. Mentally, she made note to play one of his silly games next time he asked. If he was making this much of an effort, she should too.

Strolling down the street, she glanced about, trying to decide where to go next. There was a bookstore, a patisserie, more shoe stores, and some dress boutiques she definitely wanted to check out, but maybe they could duck into the toy store for a little while and see if they could find a new beetle-catching net. Best to reward good behavior now so he wouldn’t get antsy and ruin the rest of her shopping plans.

“Hey, why don’t you try on those dresses?”

Glancing over to the shop window Luffy was pointing at, she did a double-take. A high-end boutique loomed before them, gorgeous white gowns featured prominently in the display window. Lace veils draped softly across the mannequins’ shoulders, and gem-studded tiaras and jewelry caught the early afternoon sunlight.

Jaw dropping, Nami stared at him. “You want me to try on wedding dresses?!”

The captain seemed bemused at her reaction. “Why not? You like fancy dresses, don’t you?”

“Yeah, except I’m not getting married, Luffy!”

“But you looked pretty in the one you wore on Thriller Bark.”

“I’m not saying I didn’t, but I wasn’t exactly happy with the idea of getting married then, what with the kidnapping, remember?” she cried, too flabbergasted to smack him over such a ridiculous idea.

Crossing his arms (which was no simple feat, given how they were covered in her bags) he cocked his head to the side. “So, you wouldn’t marry someone who kidnapped you?”

“Of course not!”

A look of relief crossed his face. “Good.”

Sighing, Nami rubbed her temples in exasperation. Perhaps she was overreacting. Luffy was generally clueless about girly stuff like weddings and romance, so maybe he didn’t realize how crazy his suggestion had been. All she had to do was distract him with something else, and he’d drop the topic entirely. There had to be a food stall or butcher shop nearby…

“But if you did get married, you’d have to leave the Sunny, right? I mean, husbands and wives usually live together, and if he were on another crew…” he trailed off.

An unusually serious expression had taken over her captain’s perpetually smiling face, and her frown deepened. “What’s all this about, Luffy? Are you worried about Big Mom coming after Sanji-kun again?” It certainly crossed her mind often enough. She didn’t blame the blonde cook for never telling them about his past, or his royal lineage, and even if he had, none of them could have predicted he’d nearly get married off because of it. “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen; for better or for worse, she’s more likely to kill him on sight than make him marry any of her daughters.”

“But Sanji seemed to like Pudding. What if they do get married? When people get married to someone on another crew, they leave,” Luffy replied, chewing on his lip in thought. “I mean, Baby 5 left ‘Mingo to be with Sai. How am I supposed to become King of the Pirates without my nakama?”

A surge of sympathy welled up inside her. Had Luffy ever been to a normal wedding where no one was being forced or blackmailed? If not, it made sense that he’d be paranoid, given the horrible examples they’d dealt with.

“Luffy, from what Law-kun’s told me, Baby 5 was treated like crap by her crew, especially Doflamingo. He called her family, but really, he was just using her. Don Sai just gave her a way out, kind of like how you helped me break away from Arlong. People stay with the captains that make them happy.”

“Hmmm, I guess so.” Lifting his head, his expression remained pensive. “And if she’s already married, no one can take her away and make her join their crew, right?”

Nami had yet to meet Baby 5 personally, but from what Law and Robin had told her, some concern was warranted; after all, the woman had gotten engaged eight other times simply because a man had “needed” her, not because she loved them. Even though he despised Doflamingo with a burning passion, Law had admitted that his former captain murdering her various grooms had probably been for the best. Luckily, the respect and emotional stability Sai provided was doing wonders. Nami had heard from Bepo that when the Heart Pirates had crossed paths with the Happo Navy not long ago, Baby 5 had ignored Law’s request for a glass of water for a full twenty minutes.

Of course, she’d eventually caved and brought him a whole barrel of water, but progress was progress. Law was apparently so impressed he hadn’t even glared at her when she slapped him. Nami was just glad they both seemed to be healing from the mental and emotional scars Doflamingo had given them.

“Well, I can’t say she won’t get kidnapped, but you can be sure her husband will rescue her, and she won’t be joining any other crew,” Nami assured with a smile, hoping to finally put this rather strange conversation to bed. “Being a good husband is like being a good captain—if a man looks out for his wife’s needs, protects her, and cares for her, she’ll do the same, and he’ll never have to worry about her leaving him.” Of course, there was more to it that, but she really didn’t want to explain the more intimate stuff to him. She wasn’t even entirely sure he knew what sex was, and she had neither the energy nor patience to give him the Talk.

Her words seemed to make something click in Luffy’s mind, and the serious glint returned to his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders, put down her bags, and sank to one knee.

“Nami, will you marry me?”

The navigator’s hands slapped over her mouth in utter shock. People started to cheer, a small crowd forming around them to offer congratulations. There was a flash, and Nami noticed a photographer out of the corner of her eye, probably hoping to cash in on the “happy couple’s” moment.

A thousand emotions surged through her, most of them varying shades of confusion, with a heaping helping of fury mixed in. What the hell was he doing? Marry Luffy? Was he delirious from hunger? Was this a prank? Would she be Monkey D. Nami? Where was the ring? If he became King of the Pirates, would that make her Pirate Queen? Did this entitle her to a bigger share of the treasure? How long had he been planning this?

What the hell would Law think?

Unfortunately, before she could give voice to any of the jumbled thought spinning about her mind, a completely different question came from the crowd.

“Wait, isn’t that Straw Hat Luffy?”

“The pirate?!”

“Holy crap, and that’s Cat Thief Nami!”

“Call the Marines!”

“Shit!” Nami cursed, and Luffy seemed to agree, grabbing her hand (and her bags) as they made a run for it, the gaggle of well-wishers swiftly turning into an angry mob.

Later, when she had calmed down and was safely back on the ship, she’d have a good laugh over it. Only someone like her captain could cause such mayhem with a simple marriage proposal.

That wouldn’t be for a while, though, as she was too busy freaking out while winding through the confused crowd until Luffy managed to pull them into an alley long enough for her to throw up her Mirage Tempo and render them invisible.

So much for a day of retail therapy, Nami groused, watching the mob stampede past, shouting that the Straw Hat pirates were in town. A couple of them poked their heads into the alley, but the illusion held true and the mob moved on, calling for someone to contact the marines.

The danger having passed, she dropped the illusion and smacked Luffy over the head with her Clima-Tact, at last free to focus her full wrath on her companion. “Monkey D. Luffy, you’ve got five seconds to explain why the hell you just proposed to me in front of everyone!” she whispered harshly, hands gripping his vest so hard she was pretty sure it would rip. “You didn’t even get me a ring! You should know I’d never say yes to anything that’s not at least 200 karats!”

“Shoot, I knew I forgot something!” he said, snapping his fingers.

“What you forgot is that I asked you a damn question! What the hell were you thinking?!”

The murderous look in her eyes told him she wasn’t in the mood for games, and he immediately panicked. “That if we get married, no one can make you join their crew!”

“Idiot!” she growled, slamming her fist down onto his head. “You think that’s reason enough for us to get married? You’re not even my type! You’re…” she trailed off, struggling to find the right words. Luffy was a lot of things to her, but a potential romantic partner was definitely not one. He was immature, reckless, a fool, and one of the most ridiculous men she’d ever met. He had no fashion sense, couldn’t be refined if his life depended on it, and had no appreciation for treasure or the finer things Nami coveted.

On the other hand, he was also loyal, caring, strong, fun-loving, always able to make her laugh, and perhaps one of her closest friends. The bond they shared was unspoken and unbreakable; one that had kept her at his side throughout his insane antics and dangerous adventures. She couldn’t say he wasn’t handsome, either, especially on the rare occasions when he cleaned up and wore a suit. And sometimes, when he was being particularly heroic, maybe her heart would flutter a little bit, but she was sure that was purely admiration that her silly friend was willing to put everything on the line for what he believed in.

Finally, she settled on, “You’re my captain.”

“So, you wouldn’t marry a captain? But you said being a good husband is like being a good captain…”

“Luffy, explain yourself right here and now or I’ll tell Sanji-kun to only make vegetarian meals for a month!”

“I’m just…do you want to join Law’s crew?”

“What?!” Shocking as the question was, Luffy not calling him Tora-o nearly short-circuited her brain. Even though she’d mostly dropped the silly nickname, the rubber man insisted on using it no matter how much it annoyed the doctor. Heck, it was probably the exact reason why he kept it up. It was pretty amusing to see how flustered and grumpy Law got over something so silly.

Using his proper name meant that Luffy wasn’t joking around.

He rubbed his arm nervously as he stared at the ground like a scolded puppy. “I know he’s smarter and more serious than me, and you’re always complaining about how I attract trouble, and his powers are a lot better at keeping you safe and are great for stealing treasure…”

Seeing her normally happy-go-lucky captain so pensive diminished some of her anger, and her fingers fell away from his shirt. “Luffy, there’s no way in hell that I’m leaving the Straw Hats, not even for Law-kun. And what’s any of that got to do with marrying you?”

“Well, Sanji’s been crying about how someday he’s gonna ask you to be his wife and steal you away from us. Whenever he shows up, you always make time for him, even though you always say you’re too busy to play with us. Then Usopp said Law told him he’s gonna marry you and you’ll have sixteen kids together and—”

“Usopp’s a damn liar and Sanji-kun’s completely overreacting! I’m sorry if I haven’t been spending as much time with you, but you’re being ridiculous!”

Earnest black eyes finally met hers. “But last time he came by, I heard you call him ‘Captain Law.’ You don’t call me ‘Captain Luffy.’”

Red bloomed across her cheeks. She only called her lover “Captain Law” when they were roleplaying; he’d be the enemy pirate threatening her crew unless she convinced him to spare their lives. Luffy must have overheard them last time Law’d cornered her in the cargo hold. She really hoped that was all he’d heard. Law loved dirty talk, and he got particularly graphic when she called him “Captain.” She’d nearly died of mortification when Robin had stumbled across them one time. If her dim-witted, loose-lipped captain had been eavesdropping…

Oblivious to her embarrassment, Luffy continued, “I mean, I get you two are together, but he’s always talked about stealing you away. It’s my job to protect you in every way I can.” There was a flash of fear in his eyes as his fists clenched. “Rayleigh said not every problem can be solved by beating people up, though. So, I thought if I married you first, no one could take you away, and I’d stay your captain. Sanji said we needed to do something fast before you got your heart stolen, otherwise you’ll be under his spell! I didn’t know Tora-o could use magic!”

I’m going to kill Sanji-kun, she thought viciously. Maybe Law, too. I told him we needed to be more discrete! Surprisingly, she wasn’t really that mad at Luffy anymore; she was almost impressed that he was trying to solve a problem with his head, not his fists. Plus, his reasons were so stupidly sincere it was almost like getting mad at a child. “Look, Law-kun and I might be in a relationship, but even if he asked me to join his crew, I’d stay with you; the Straw Hats are my nakama, remember?”

“But if we got married, he wouldn’t even ask. He’d know you’re a Straw Hat forever.”

“He does know it; I made that very clear to him when you two were constantly forcing me to wear your hats.” She owed Law an apology, though. He’d insisted Luffy was staking a claim on her, yet she’d brushed off his concern as petty jealousy. He was possessive and paranoid, but for once, it seemed justified.

Actually, no, she wasn’t going to apologize. If she admitted he had been right, he’d be insufferable for months and there was the high probability that he really would kidnap her.

Her reassurance wasn’t as effective as she’d like. “He’s not the only one who might take you away, though. Lots of guys want you, like Absolom and Sanji’s brothers, and Shiki tried to make you join his crew because you’re such a great navigator.” Ducking his head, the brim of his hat cast his eyes in shadow as he whispered, “I used to think I was strong enough to protect everyone, but I was wrong. I couldn’t stop Kuma from sending away my nakama. I couldn’t save Ace. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

Her heart bled a little at his voice. She’d never seen him so insecure. He was always so happy-go-lucky, but this must have been eating at him for a while. Yes, Law was more serious and imposing and intelligent, whose crew was obedient and would never dream of talking back like the Straw Hats did to Luffy. When people looked at him, no one questioned whether or not he was the captain. He was a sharp dresser, devilishly handsome, quick-witted and exuded cool confidence. One could even argue he had cooler powers, and he could use a sword, and he was a doctor. To the untrained eye, Law was everything Luffy wasn’t.

She was suddenly reminded of something Luffy had said back at Arlong Park.

“I can’t use swords! I don’t know how to navigate a ship! And I can’t cook! Or lie! And I’m pretty sure I can’t live without being helped!”

At the time, those words had been a statement of defiance, proclaiming that he was ok with his weaknesses because he was strong enough to beat the Fishman, but a lot had happened since then. Was he scared of losing people because he knew he needed them? Or was he scared because those limitations might be what cost him the people he loved? If he’d been a little stronger, or a little faster, or had powers like Law’s, would they have been separated back in Sabaody? Would Ace still be alive?

Nami wanted to hit him and hug him at the same time. How dare he question her loyalty? How dare she not notice one of her closest companions had been hurting?

One thing was certain; she definitely had to make more time for this idiot if he thought she wanted to leave.

She settled for squeezing his shoulder comfortingly, promising, “Being someone’s wife would never affect my loyalties. I swore a long time ago I’d help make you Pirate King; after all you did to save me from Arlong, it’s the least I can do. So you don’t need to marry me, Luffy. Besides, you shouldn’t marry someone you aren’t in love with.”

“Robin says that plenty of people have gotten married without being in love to strengthen alliances,” he replied with a grimace. “It’s everywhere in her books. And Tora-o always insists we’re in an alliance…”

It was shit like this that made Nami all the more annoyed that Law refused to just admit he and Luffy were friends. “Well, that’s not for us. He’d be an absolute idiot to suggest it, because he knows you wouldn’t just hand me over like that. It’ll be a cold day in Hell when I let a couple of reckless, stubborn captains use me as a bargaining chip.”

Her stern declaration seemed to help him relax, though he still looked thoughtful. “You said you shouldn’t marry someone you don’t love, but you didn’t say you wouldn’t marry Tora-o.” Dark eyes stared at her curiously. “Do you love him?”

“Wha—I don’t know, Luffy!” she said, exasperated. “I mean, we only just accepted we’re in a relationship and not just sleeping together.” She really wasn’t sure what she felt for the dark doctor. In the beginning, it was just sex, but the more they ran into each other, the more she found herself enjoying his company even when he didn’t have her pinned to the nearest flat surface. Once she got past the creepiness, he was pleasant company; she enjoyed hearing about his adventures with his crew and even some of the medical procedures he’d done in the past, so long as he didn’t get into the gory details. Whenever she talked about weather patterns or natural phenomena, he never brushed off her explanations as “a mystery” and at least tried to pay attention. Lately, she especially liked how he’d quietly read in the library while she worked on maps with Bepo or kept her company while she picked her mikans, content to just be in her presence. She even found herself missing him at random times, wishing she could just hear his voice or see that cocky smirk.

Was that love? Did Law feel the same warm contentedness when she was around, the same ache when she was gone? Or was he less attached, simply pleased to have a gorgeous and intelligent bedmate to make his alliance with Luffy more tolerable?

She really didn’t like the way her chest tightened at that thought. This kind of introspection was way too heavy for what should have been a nice, relaxing shopping trip; it was much better suited for a late-night glass of wine with Robin. Given Luffy’s now-apparent fear that she’d leave him for Law, he was definitely not the right person to discuss her confused feelings with.

“Whether or not we’re in love, I don’t see marriage on the horizon anytime soon,” she assured, though her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “They call it the old ‘ball and chain’ for a reason. Getting married to anyone would totally cramp my style! Wedding rings especially repel the dumb creeps in bars I like to steal from. So, quit worrying so much, ok?”

More astute than she gave him credit for, he didn’t buy her forced cheer. “It’s just—I don’t want you to leave, but I also don’t want you getting left.” For a moment, Nami swore she could hear Luffy’s teeth grind together. “Back in Fuchsia, a few people started calling Makino-chan terrible names. The mayor said it was because she loved someone who left her behind, and he didn’t marry her first. Ace offered to marry her so they’d stop, but she turned him down, so we beat them up instead.”

An understanding frown touched her lips. “Are people calling me names?” If they were, there would be hell to pay.

“I heard Tora-o call you a few of them.”

“When?”

“When I heard you call him ‘Captain.’”

Her blush returned tenfold as she screamed inside her head. “Ok, Luffy, Law-kun has permission to call me those names, but only when I call him ‘Captain.’ It’s…kind of a game we play.” She really had no interest in explaining the ins-and-outs of her and the Surgeon of Death’s dirty talk and roleplay to the rubber man. Hell, she’d been uncomfortable enough explaining it to Robin, and she knew for a fact the older woman was into way kinkier stuff. “But I absolutely understand why that upsets you, so if you ever hear it again, just stop listening and walk away. Preferably to the other side of the ship.” Mainly because Nami was certain, if the hard look in his eye was anything to go by, Luffy would beat the crap out of her lover if he didn’t. Which was sweet, she had to admit.

“It’s a game?”

Nodding emphatically, she replied, “Yes, it’s a special, secret game only he and I know about, and it can only be played with two people.”

Luffy actually rolled his eyes. “I know you’re having sex, Nami. I’m not stupid.”

He laughed as she buried her face in her hands, the beet red tips of her ears clashing horribly with her copper hair. “Shishishi! Rayleigh told me there are people who are into some pretty weird stuff, so I shouldn’t judge, but it’s ok to step in if I think someone’s getting hurt. If you’re ok with Tora-o saying that stuff, I promise not to punch him for it. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t being mean to you!”

“Thank you,” was her muffled response. She wasn’t sure if she should be grateful that his mentor had taught him about sex or horrified. The old man was kind of a pervert, but at least she didn’t have to treat Luffy like a little kid. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she managed to meet his eyes. “I swear, I’m ok with it so long as it’s in private. If you ever hear him or anyone else call me stuff like that in public, though, bash their face in.”

“Can do!” he said enthusiastically, toothy grin once again splitting his face. Rubber arms wrapped around her, pulling her against his chest in a near-crushing hug. “I don’t want you to leave, but I promised Genzo I’d never break your heart. If you want to marry Law…”

Despite the blush lingering on her cheeks, a small, warm smile curved her lips. “I’ll tell you what, Luffy; traditionally, if a guy wants to marry someone, they have to ask her father for permission. Genzo’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a dad, but there’s no way Law would go all the way to the East Blue for that. So, as my captain, I’m letting you stand in for him.”

“So, if Law doesn’t get my permission, he can’t marry you?”

Normally, Nami was the sort of woman who would be annoyed at the idea that any man felt he could dictate her love life, but for Luffy, she’d make an exception. If it eased his fears and ensured she would never have to deal with this conversation again, she didn’t mind so much. It would probably be a moot point, anyway; Law didn’t seem the marrying type, and while she wasn’t against the idea, at the moment she was more interested in having adventures and fulfilling her dream.

Still, that didn’t quite dispel the image of her walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress with a handsome, tattooed doctor waiting for her.

A loud growl interrupted the moment, and Luffy pulled away, rubbing his head bashfully.

“I know I said I wouldn’t mention meat…”

“Well, things seem to have calmed down, so let’s get you some food,” Nami laughed, pulling him out of the alley. “I’ll even treat, just this once.”

“Really?!”

“Within reason, and only because it’s cheaper than a wedding banquet.”

It didn’t escape her notice that a certain straw hat was plopped onto her head by the time they reached the food vendor, nor did it escape Luffy’s that she kept it on the rest of the day.

[butch-lesbian-marshadow]

Answer all of those questions u hottie

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?-Nobody cuz im lonely2. Are you outgoing or shy?-uhhhhhh probably the first one usually3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Literally anyone my age and gay4. Are you easy to get along with? I honestly have no idea, don’t really get feedback on that dept.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Probably, Id trust them, but I don’t really need to be taken care of that much when Im drunk6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I dunno, I guess anyone who shows interest I suppose, although it tends to be expressed in weird ways,7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? No clue, I’d guess no if only because not really the best with those  things.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? An ex of mine,9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? She’s the bitch that made me do all of these11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ok12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? that changes so rapidly, question meme, im not even sure13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? If I know them and want them to, yes, but 90% of the time, Fuck off my hair14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes15. What good thing happened this summer? I got tiddies16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? never have ):17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Probably, yes.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I literally have not seen my first crush in like, 17 years.19. Do you like bubble baths?  No idea, ever had one20. Do you like your neighbors? haven’t met officially, but they seem nice21. What are you bad habits? Forgetting, procrastination,  dismissal, hesitation, isolation, and a few other bad ones22. Where would you like to travel? uhhhhh somewhere hot, ideally.23. Do you have trust issues? nopes24. Favorite part of your daily routine? daily what? if I had one, it would be enjoying hot summer days, maybe writing something25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? irritated skin26. What do you do when you wake up? figure out what day it is/debate on what i wanna do27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nope!28. Who are you most comfortable around?  mom i guess? a few other peeps.29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? one or two, maybe,30. Do you ever want to get married? That might be a nice thing someday,31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Gettin there!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhhhh a lot, my dear question meme.33. Spell your name with your chin.  zxshgkl;’34. Do you play sports? What sports? No35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I’m dead either way, the answer doesn’t really matter, does it?36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?  as in never told them ever, or  never told them until it was too late, because I've done both.37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing, although i don’t really find it awkward unless the other person is like, visibly disturbed.38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Nice personality, nicer ass.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Good ones40. What do you want to do after high school? i am after high school41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Mhm.42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I forgot what i was doing, im angry, im happy, im sad, im bored, im interested, im sleepy, im awake, im hungry, im thirsty,  im focused, im distracted, literally anything.43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Waking up46. What are you paranoid about? being incapable of love, 47. Have you ever been high? nope!48. Have you ever been drunk? hell yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not that i can recall, no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? i have no fucking idea i can’t remember colors for shit, my dear question meme.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Not really, no.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? the amount of money in my bank account53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont know enough to know54. Favourite store? one that sells store55. Favourite blog? Mine,  im amazing.56. Favourite colour? look im colorblind stop asking these57. Favourite food?  uhhhhhhhhhh fuck i dont know shit.58. Last thing you ate? Pizza.59. First thing you ate this morning? Pizza60. Ever won a competition? For what? uhhh  a science one in 5th grade, and a concerto competition in like, senior year of HS61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope!62. Been arrested? For what? Nope!63. Ever been in love?  I used to answer yes but now I have no idea if i can love64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? im lonely u buttmunch65. Are you hungry right now? uhhhh now that you mention it66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? half these freaks are my real friends67. Facebook or Twitter? I hate both of them,68. Twitter or Tumblr? I hate both of them69. Are you watching tv right now? nope!70. Names of your bestfriends?  im not actually 100% sure? like  its kinda nebulous weirdish, since I have a weird concept of “friend”71. Craving something? What? i dunno, burritos probably.72. What colour are your towels? Rot in hell you slime cuck72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 0 to 473. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? not at the moment, no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? do pokemon plush count?75. Favourite animal? Gecko76. What colour is your underwear? I will murder your ancestors and eat your descendants.77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? chocolate79. What colour shirt are you wearing? I will flay the skin from your face and peel your eyes. Also shirtless atm.80. What colour pants? I will plunge britain back into the boiling seas and  devour any mortal with color vision. 81. Favourite tv show? uhhhhh fuck i don’t know82. Favourite movie? i like movies, yes.83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? THERES A MEAN GIRLS 2??!?!?!??!?!?!?84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? MEAN GIRLS85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina is such a wonderful person, really.86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory87. First person you talked to today? the bich that made me write this88. Last person you talked to today? @mayxwolf​89. Name a person you hate? The bich that made me write this90. Name a person you love? The bich that made me write this91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? The bich that made me write this92. In a fight with someone?nopes93. How many sweatpants do you have? are you trying to ask how much of a slob i am? because i am absolutely a huge slob94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? See above.95. Last movie you watched? MOANA96. Favourite actress? no idea97. Favourite actor? Chris Evans.98. Do you tan a lot? Lmao99. Have any pets? I want a pet ):100. How are you feeling? Kinda hungry? a tad bit chilly, and uhhhhhhhh  i dunno101. Do you type fast? I either forget to type, or its uncontrollably fast,102. Do you regret anything from your past? until like,  the past  month or two ago, no, not really, but then shit hits the fan and you forget to duck. 103. Can you spell well? Yse and no. its a tos up really.104. Do you miss anyone from your past? two people  recently, and occasionally an old thought to  old friends and people i knew, that i dont really see or talk to anymore, 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? mhm106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I think, I have, probably, and im not sure what to make of it,107. Have you ever been on a horse? Fuck those big shit factories.108. What should you be doing?probably in grad school,109. Is something irritating you right now? not right now no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Why yes, question meme, my first ex actually, and second, somewhat to an extent, actually that’s a somewhat recurring theme?111. Do you have trust issues? Didn’t you already ask this..... (yes you did it’s question 23)112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  Never have, not that i could remember, except maybe as a child???113. What was your childhood nickname? Pooh bear114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes115. Do you play the Wii? Yes116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yes118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes119. Favourite book?Yes120. Are you afraid of the dark? No121. Are you mean? Yes122. Is cheating ever okay? Never but i seem to be chill with it if it happens to me123. Can you keep white shoes clean? yes and no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes because the very first time I saw Fareeha Amari I immediately realized what a humongous gay I was.125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.126. Are you currently bored? Always and forever127. What makes you happy? Things I’d rather not talk about128. Would you change your name? Already have,129. What your zodiac sign? Aries, Dog, 130. Do you like subway? Yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?  If you’re asking if I’d fuck him, probably.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? you asked this one already, too, you uncreative piece of shit.133. Favourite lyrics right now? lyrics are boring and overrated, and meaningless. Also the ones from Reflections. Mulan is my shit.134. Can you count to one million? I don’t think i have the patience or  physical ability to do so without collapsing.135. Dumbest lie you ever told? None of my lies are dumb unless i make them intentionally dumb.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed137. How tall are you? floating around 6′2″138. Curly or Straight hair? both, surprisingly, 139. Brunette or Blonde? neither140. Summer or Winter? Winter is the season of death, despair and bullshit, old man winter can suck it141. Night or Day? Day,142. Favourite month? any month thats hot as fuck, also My birthday month is good too, 143. Are you a vegetarian? nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk145. Tea or Coffee? both make me sleepy, both are pretty good though.146. Was today a good day? havent been awae long enough to know147. Mars or Snickers? Venus, and both.148. What’s your favourite quote? “and in all my great vast knowledge and wisdom, of all the Grand stars, of all the galaxies and nebulae and  cosmos, Of all the heavenly bodies,  to say that hers was the most heavenly would be blasphemous, for her body was beyond compare with divinity.”149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes and No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Splendid, Young man!”@bvcharest u bich