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urf1lterr · 2 years ago

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lovesick | pedro pascal [4]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

previous chapter: [3] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 10.6k

status: in progress

author's note: so sorry for the long wait! but i tried making this chapter longggg. i typically have my days off altogether and the rest of the week booked with work/school. i try to post many chapters within my short timeframe (bc im booked af) so pls expect another update soon after this one! sadly, it takes me around 8-10 hours to write one bc its hard to think lol. also, i don't want this to be too long of a series and kinda wanna connect the dots- slowly but surely, ya know? not edited.

"So, he just came knocking on your door at 6am?" Joon questioned, taking a sip of his smoothie soon afterwards. "I can't even wake up that early."

"We had to do that everyday for our last job."

"I woke up ten minutes before I had to be out the door," he shrugged. "Men get ready fast."

"Anyway," you eyed him as he cluelessly did the same, confused as to why you wouldn't look away. "I don't remember him coming."

"Yeah, because you fucking freaked out and hallucinated over Lady Gaga," Jules exclaimed, you automatically cringing just at the horrible memories you've recently faced with that damn cat.

Once she explained what had happened hours after you had woken up, you were disturbingly shocked.

And the fact that your sleepiness was to blame had you going insane- imagine all the other odd things you may had committed while under the covers.

But you will admit you did remember some of that night's events clearly, again like you practically making out with Lady Gaga- although she was the one who licked your face endlessly first.

Mortified just by the thoughts, you will never be able to face Pedro again sanely.

How could you when you recently dreamed about a man 25 years older being intimate with you- that's...confusing. And the worst part of it all was you couldn't say anything to anyone with the fear of being judged or laughed at- maybe both.

The thing was you couldn't quite understand why you had to dream about that. Maybe your time of the month was coming and your hormones targeted the first guy you had nonstop contact with?

No, that would've been Joon.

Attraction may had played a part but Joon definitely had that, Pedro as well but a little different...age-wise at least. There's no way you felt allured for men with bad jokes and rough skin- no offense. Right?

He did text you that same morning he dropped by and commented on how creepy you are half asleep and whether or not you agreed to his 'business' proposal. Not trying to start a conversation you knew you couldn't finish, out of second-hand shame, you just replied a simple:

LOL but busy with school atm to make a final decision- tell ya later

That later still hasn't arrived.

Unfortunately, you forgot to ask him why he made a random visit that morning- but you weren't going to ask him days later. In your mind, you need to avoid him. There's no way you'd be able to act normal after have unholy fascinations about him.

Not that it'll be a problem, you two hadn't seen each other for weeks before your cafe encounter, you're sure you can do it again without him noticing your distance.

It's been about two days since then which meant you didn't have to prioritize so much of your time on homework, you'll just save that for Sunday when it's all due.

"Did you bother to ask him why?" Jules added, turning to you. "He obviously wasn't coming to see me- I barely know the guy."

"You do know him!" you argue as she rolls her eyes. "You literally got mad at me for not recognizing him the first time we met."

"He's a celebrity- everybody knows him," she defends before tilting her head in curiosity. "But you two are oddly close, it's kind of weird."

"No," you shake your head, trying to laugh off her suspicions. "We are casual friends who fan girl over the same things."

People did take notice how close Pedro and you were but it wasn't anybody's fault you two had so much in common. Both of you loved Starbucks, going on hikes- when you weren't lazy, and believe Matt Healy is extremely attractive.

If they have a problem with that they can sue you.

"I see it," Joon adds, jumping up a bit. "Him and I barely talk and we're men- we should be bonding easily!"

"You're...you," Jules cringes, making Joon glare in return. "I can understand why he chooses not to be close to you."

Laughing, you watch as Joon quickly flips her the finger before he continues on with the conversation. "I just feel like he always comes around only to see you, it was pretty obvious since the first time he took us home."

Furrowing your eyebrows, you didn't understand what he meant by that. Pedro offered all three of you a ride home, not just you.

Already feeling done with this topic, you wanted to switch it before things started escalating and freaky theories started unfolding. They had every right to question your friendship, but you were starting to think they might be leading down a road where they may soon develop other impressions as to what your friendship might have been.

Why are you even thinking that? That's so inappropriate to imagine.

"You two are silly, he probably needed my advice on something or wanted to workout," you suggest, their faces showing they weren't fully convinced. "But anywho, did you call Yoongi yet?"

"I don't think that's a great idea," Joon declared, adjusting in your warm sofa. "He's not really a skating kind of guy."

Since it was Friday and you had no plans, you thought it would be a fun idea to be adventurous for once and do something you would never do on a regular basis.

Ice Skate.

Your friends were extremely down with the idea, but you needed a fourth person to make the group complete. Why not a skinny, impatient blonde man who would probably spend the whole night complaining about why this plan was awful?

Right now you could use some other grumpiness in your life.

"Just tell him to go," you beam back, clapping your hands in excitement as you'll soon be able to fall countless of times on the ice. "I'll buy him hot cocoa."

"You better do it or he'll never let that go," Joon states.

After hours of sitting around and blasting random music through your speakers, the three of you were ready to set off on your journey of locating the ice rink.

If it wasn't for Joon's constant whining to stop walking to take pictures of the scenery you probably would've arrived 15 minutes sooner than your actual arrival, but too bad your friend is a nature freak.

"You taking pictures of the pigeons better not be the reason why you're late," you heard Yoongi grumble as the three of you finally found him sitting on a bench near the entrance of the rink, staring directly at Joon who just scoffed.

"I'm sorry if my happiness bothers you," Joon snapped back as Yoongi just stood up from his seat and made his way to your trio.

Grabbing your ice skates wasn't too difficult as the long line seemed to flow by smoothly, but standing on them was a different story.

"I can't do this," you squeal as your hurriedly motion your arms around to find some balance. "I'm falling!"

Yoongi sent you a questionable look as he watched your poor attempts to stay still embarrassing. "We're not even on the ice yet."

Feeling a hand grab a hold on your shoulders and practically drag your feet towards the ice, you glance up to see Jules steadily directing you to face your fears.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Are you going to push her in?!" you hear Joon gasp a few feet behind you but you couldn't turn your head as you rather focused your attention on yanking yourself off of Jules.

"It was her idea so she'll be the one going in first."

"Ahh!" you screech, putting all your pressure on your feet to stop her hard pull. Spiraling your ankles in the most crucial ways, you start to lightly slap her arms off you as she continues to fight them off.

One thing about her was she's going to make sure to remind you that this was your idea.

Feeling an arm gently tug you off her grip, you landed on Yoongi's side as Jules whined in return, offended that he ruined her vicious plan. Respectfully, he kept you stable with an arm wrapped behind your middle back as you gripped his other one, fearful she might snatch you away again.

"Why would you do that?!"

"I don't think watching her fall face first on the hard ice would be a fun sight to see," he bluntly returned as Jules huffed. "The sight of blood gives me the ick."

"I was waiting for that moment all afternoon," Jules sighed, disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing you fall- yet.

Waiting for her to walk away to go on the ice, you see Joon follow her before you released your friend, relieved that she wouldn't be partaking in her scandalous scheme just yet.

"You do know how to skate, right?" Yoongi asked, his uncertain eyes on yours as you crazily wave your arms in front of him to rub off his questionable thoughts.

"Do I? Of course I do!" you argue, making your way towards the ice until you were two feet away from it. Putting your feet on the edge, you hesitate as you could feel the cold breeze wrap around you legs. "I'm gonna go now."

"Yippy," he states, waiting at your poor attempts to convince him.

Giving him a thumbs up, you clap your hands together to try to reassure yourself that you could do this, forgetting that he was right behind you secretly laughing.

Taking one final breath, you placed your right foot on top of the ice steadily, trying your best not to make any harsh movements, until you felt a hard jerk on your upper body, making you lose yourself in an instant.

"God, if you don't know how to skate why would you suggest it?" Yoongi grumbled, gliding both your bodies along the ice as he held tightly onto your arms. You were practically skating like a wet dog in front of him, begging with your eyes for him not to abandon you.

"I always wanted to try."

Sending you an annoyed look, you zipped your mouth as his arms were now securing you, closing any gaps there may have been and giving you the ride of your life.

Shutting your eyes harshly, you didn't dare to witness the environment around as you felt the icy wind slap your face the faster you two- or at least by Yoongi's swaying, got.

There were times where he did pretend to lose his balance, causing you to cry in horror and him immediately placing his hand over your mouth by how loud you weaped.

But other than that, you came to enjoy his help as your two other friends rudely abandoned you guys in order to practice their poor attempts of leaping across the rink.

"Okay," Yoongi started, releasing his left hand from your side and keeping you close with only his other. "Now you try on your own."

Fear creeping up in your face, you rapidly shake your head in disagreement and try catching his recent abandoned arm, which he denied. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he countered back making you silent.

He did have a point.

"C'mon, it's not that hard. If Joon could do it, you can."

"He's literally on the ground right now," you whine as Yoongi quickly averts his eyes in search of your tall friend, soon finding Joon clutching his knee in pain as Jules records on her phone.

"No."

Sighing, he continues to look around, trying to plan out an idea that would at least convince you to slide a few feet alone without his help until he smirked and met your eyes.

"What would Matt Healy do?"

Widening your eyes, you were taken back by his question.

Only Pedro used that line on you.

And for some reason it felt odd when Yoongi did the same. You shouldn't be bothered by his choice of words...but you were a little.

He wasn't him to be saying it.

"He wouldn't force me to do something I didn't want to do," you reply back, causing him to groan.

"I feel like you just want to be in my arms," he retorted with a grin, immediately making you revolt and fly out of his arms, your bottom hitting the ice hard. "Well that's one way to make you skate."

Feeling immediate pain on the back of your thighs, you just knew you were going to be bruised and swollen the next day. But hey, this technically counts for your workout for the week.

Awkwardly swaying your body around, you couldn't get up off the damn ice. You were sure you looked like a fish out of water by how crazy you were moving.

"Get on your knees," Yoongi commented, causing you to send him a death glare as he lifted his hands up in defense. "It helps you stand."

Or he could just grab your arms and help you himself.

Cautiously following his suggestion, you slowly pull your right leg up and place it firmly on the ice before slowly trying to do so with your left one. As you began to feel satisfied with the weight being supported, you felt your body finally working and lifting up off the ground before he poked your shoulder- making you fall again.

"I'm going to murder you!" you threaten as you stare at him on your back, whole body restlessly laying on the ground in misery as he cackles loudly.

He may have advantage on the ice, but oh man- once you regain your balance off it you were going to end that slender man's life.

"Isn't this just a sight to see," you heard someone exclaim before hands grab your arms and soon lift you back on your feet.

Moving your eyes to the ones in front of you, you burst out in smiles. "Bella! Nico!"

"I take this as my queue to leave,'" you hear Yoongi mumbles but you swiftly grab his arm from his close proximity and halt his plans.

He was not going to desert you now.

"What are you girls doing here?"

Not seeing them for a few weeks didn't make things awkward, but different. It was like catching up with old friends, even though you barely met them less than three months ago.

"Had nothing to do tonight so why not ice skate?" Nico giggled.

Bella examined you up and down before pointing at your head. "My god, your hair grew so long. Has it really been that long?"

Rolling your eyes, you were about to answer her before Yoongi cut in. "No, it's her fake extenstions."

Gasping, you turn your body to him and smack his shoulder as he smacks you back. One thing about him, he's all about equality. You touch him, he touches you- simple.

You don't see the way Nico and Bella exchange smirks to one another before Nico slides in front of you and pulls out her phone. "We should take a selfie! You know, for memories."

Laughing, you agree. You took some pictures with them but never really out of the work environment.

Uncomfortably standing still, Yoongi hastily moves to the side a bit, not wanting to intrude this moment you were having with your friends. He was a pretty sociable person, but only if they had things in common and he fairly knew them.

Yoongi didn't know these two young girls and he sure as hell didn't want to be the one being kicked out of this picture- so why not kick himself out first?

"Where are you going, we need your long arm to get us all in the frame!" Bella exclaimed, motioning Yoongi to move back as he sent her a flustered glance.

"I can just take it with the three of you."

"Nonsense!" Nico argued back, shaking her head as you giggled. "We don't leave people out."

Biting his bottom lip a bit, he scratches the back of his neck swiftly before increasing the speed of his skates to the girl, accepting her phone. "I suppose."

Fixing your posture, you stand behind your friend as he carefully raises his right arm up in the air, positioning the phone that was able to capture all four of you in the frame.

Pulling out the gummiest smile, you bursted out a gigantic grin after seeing the rare radiant expression Yoongi was giving. He was never one to show much emotion so finding him giving in for a picture amused you.

Taking the phone out of his hands, Bella examined the screen before chuckling. "Wow, you've got one adorable smile."

You could've sworn you saw Yoongi blush as he lowered his head while shaking off her compliment, trying to act natural but he wasn't fooling anyone.

He was shy.

Gasping at the sight in front of her, Nico pointed at the concession cart near one of the exits of the ice. "They have hot cocoa! We must get some."

Faking a groan, Bella allowed her friend to drag her away but not before sending you a pout to follow, which you were happy to do. You were freezing to death without even realizing it until you stopped your attempts to skate for the picture.

"I was promised a free cup," Yoongi stated as he was gliding behind you, softly pushing your back as you proceeded to do nothing but allow him to direct you to where your desired hot cocoa was.

Scoffing a little, you shush him as you reached the exit ramp. Jumping off, the two of you slowly waddled to Bella and Nico who were next in line.

"Wait," you start, pausing your footsteps which resulted in him almost falling after slamming to your side. "Shouldn't we ask Joon and Jules if they want one?"

Peeking over your shoulder, Yoongi looks back down to you. "Nah, don't wanna ruin their fun."

Following his recent glance, you could see Joon and Jules in front of one another, both holding hands as they try to catch a faster pace while twirling in big circles.

You were sure they were eventually going to knock a small child over soon.

"Next," you hear the worker call out, sitting behind his register waiting for your arrival.

Quickly walking up, you place your order as nothing else but the hot drinks seemed to interest you. The total came out to be the cost as what four drinks at your local cafe would be, but you shouldn't be surprised since this place was pretty popular to the public.

Pulling out his wallet so fast, you didn't have to process what Yoongi was doing until you caught the view of his credit card as he handed it over to the man in front of you.

"No-" you try intercepting what had just happened by giving your card to the worker who just shrugged as he had already paid for the drinks on Yoongi's card. "Why would you do that?"

"You're too slow," Yoongi bluntly said as he grabbed the two drinks and moved to the side so the next person in line could place their order.

"But it hadn't even been three seconds since he said the total before you handed him the card," you protest.

He handed you your cup, hoping it'll shut you up as he took a small sip from his own. "And?"

Is he being serious? "'And,'" you question as he continued to be unaware as to what you were getting at. "Since the beginning I vowed to buy you hot cocoa."

Yoongi laughed at how stubborn you were becoming. "Vowed? What a great word choice for this scenario, fiance."

Rolling your eyes at his teasing, you hated the fact he was avoiding your question. You knew he did it because he wanted to be a gentleman, but the problem was he didn't want to admit he was one.

Again, he was being shy.

"I see you are kind," you smirk as he gave you a disgusted glance. "Don't worry, I won't tell people you have a heart."

Before he could leave a snarky comeback, Nico and Bella came back in giggles as Yoongi retreated back to his natural state of looking lifeless. "Oh my gosh- we went to get napkins and I kid you not I may have poured my drink on the back of this poor little girl."

Lightly gasping, you widen your eyes as Yoongi confusingly replies back. "May have? You don't know if you did or not?"

Bella makes an accountable face, scrunching her nose in the process. "Okay, I did. But she's the one who ran into me!"

"Well, she was really small and you kind of didn't search your surroundings before kneeing her," Nico exposed, causing Yoongi and you to give each other a concerned look.

"You kneed her?!"

"Only in her side," Bella excused herself, sending Nico a betrayed look. "It wasn't like it was her stomach."

"It practically was...," Nico mumbled but became silent when her co-star eyed her hard.

Coughing uncomfortably, Yoongi caught everyone's attention as he tried to avert the conversation into something that wasn't as horrific as striking a child with hot cocoa and a knee. "We should probably hit the ice again soon before Jules and Joon find out we got these drinks without them."

"Jules is here?!" Bella beamed, searching around for her through the large gatherings of people on the ice. "I missed that crazy lady, she was the only one who would get my coffee order right."

"She told me she would threaten to get the baristas fired if they kept getting it wrong," Nico recalled, chewing her mouth a little. "That's why I stopped letting her take my orders."

Sighing, you looked up in the ceiling in disapproval as you could feel Yoongi laughing his ass off beside you. That was very Jules of her to do.

After another two hours of trying to figure out how to skate, and basically latching onto Yoongi the whole time as Bella and Nico were doing laps around you guys, you finally made it home.

To say you were exhausted would be an understatement- you were drained.

No, seriously. You hadn't worked out this much since Jules and you almost missed the subway two months ago and had to run three blocks to catch it on time.

That day was dreadful, but you were sure if you went to bed you were going to wake up lifeless like a worm.

"I call the shower first!" you hear Jules scream, running to her room in order to grab her belongings but you were faster and instantly made your way to the bathroom, locking the door before she could break in. "You bitch! How dare you steal it with my back turned!"

Grinning evilly to yourself, you wanted to get your night routines over with so you could hit the pillows quickly. Even after taking off all your makeup, taking a very steamy shower, and doing your nightly skin care routine, you were sure you could easily knock out sitting on the toilet if you had the chance.

We all have done it once in our lives.

Opening the door, the steam flows out smoothly as you face your very displeased roommate on the other side, glaring at you. "All yours," you smile, stepping to the side but she roughly pushes you in response, causing you to yelp as you manage to catch your balance midway.

Mental note, burn her eggs next breakfast.

Stepping into your room, you change into an oversized hoodie and sweats before throwing yourself under your covers in excitement.

The moment you've been waiting for all day: sleep.

Closing your eyes, you feel all your senses slowly drifting away from your body as relaxation crept up from all around. It was truly intoxicating how in trance you were.

But of course with your luck, nothing goes as planned- ever.

Wildly jumping up from the loud blaring of your phone, you cover your face in agony as the vibrations and noise cause pain throughout your entire body.

Who the hell was calling you at 10 o'clock at night? This should be illegal.

After taking a minute to control yourself, the ringing stopped. Good, now you won't have to make time to engage in a conversation. Quickly falling back down onto your pillows, it wasn't even ten seconds later before you feel your phone going off like crazy again.

With you eyes shut, you move your hands around your bed until you feel the cool object underneath your pillow. Lazily pressing any button, without batting one eye open, you move the phone to your ear before releasing a groggy, "What?"

"What a lovely way to greet somebody, kiddo."

You instantly freeze, automatically thinking about the vivid dream you had about him, then Lady Gaga, and felt a blush creeping in.

Slowly pulling the phone away, you let out a loud but fast scream before moving it back. How the hell are you going to begin a conversation without thinking about his lips on yours. "What do you want?"

Pausing for a second, you can hear him move around through his end. "Did you just scream?"

It's not like you didn't just dream about him kissing all over your body two nights ago.

"Did you just wake me up to ask me the obvious answer?"

Act like you don't care. Like you are perfectly fine.

He chuckles lightly and you can tell by his tone he was close to passing out too. "Somebody's cranky, is it past your bedtime?" Pedro teased.

You were definitely not in the mood to handle his ridicules at this hour, especially by how nervous he was slowly making you. What did he want?

"Yes," you simply reply before hitting the red button, ending the call and laying your head back on your pillow. Good, just end it before you make a bigger fool out of yourself.

It hadn't even been another ten seconds before your phone was ringing once again. Pulling it up to your face, you let out a huff. What a shocker, it was him again.

"You better have an insanely good reason as to why you chose to wake me up in the middle of my dream," you immediately say as you press the 'accept' button.

Hearing him laugh, you just know he has a sarcastic comment coming any second. "Wake you up? Honey, you're still living your dream talking to me."

Honey.

No, not another nickname for him to call you in future dreams.

Shaking that thought away, you rejected the idea of him being in any more dreams- you forbid it.

Loss at words for a second, you almost let your next words trip over one another before calmly gaining your composure at the incidental choice of your pet name.

"So funny," you reply back, trying your best to sound sane. "Pretty sure I was dreaming of a very shirtless Matt Healy playing 'Please Be Naked' to me."

Why the fuck would you slip that out.

"Are you trying to hint at something?" he smirks, making you press mute and hold your hand over your mouth to hold back the screams you feared would release.

Feeling like your soul was about to leave your body, you couldn't believe he just said that.

Actually, you couldn't believe you would even recommend that song. God, your sleepiness was messing with your mind.

Finding your energy once again, you unmute the call and try to seem unfazed by his last comment. "Yes, that I want to sleep. Goodbye now."

Before you could hit the red button again, you could hear him chanting over the phone to do the exact opposite. "Don't!"

Groaning, you clutch the phone harder in despair. "I am so tired. Don't do this to me, please. I am a girl who values her sleep!" you whine as you hear him continue his light giggles in the background. "If I don't sleep I will die, is this what you want. Are you trying to kill me?"

"I can reassure you I don't plan on keeping you up long," he explains. "And I wouldn't dare wish for your death."

Your heart fluttering, you glare at your chest. "Then what do you want?"

Moving his phone from one ear to the other, he lays in his bed while smiling at his ceiling. "You," he declares, making you widen your eyes as he shuffles around in his blanket. "Tomorrow, let's hang out."

Sitting up against your bed frame, you furrow your brow. "Hang out? For what?" There's no way you will be able to act normal for a long period of time, your weak-self can't do it.

Placing a hand over his chest, he lets out a light hiss in fake hurt by your comeback before continuing. "Can't I hang out with you by choice and not by a work schedule? Unless you're so disgusted by me." That's when he started his fake cries. "I'm so sorry I am not Matt Healy and can't do a great British accent."

Shaking your head, you try to intervene as his ugly cries become louder through the line. "That's not what I meant, stop being dramatic," you complain as he instantly stops while smiling widely. "Is there a specific reason why you want to hang out?"

Taking a deep breath, he fiddles with the fingers on his non-occupied hand. "Does there need to be a reason?"

You pause for a second. He's acting too kind for your liking and it's making you question what his intentions are. In this point of time, you're sure he's going to take that moment to convince you to work with him in Canada.

"With you there's always a reason."

Scoffing lightly, he grumbles. "I just want to go on a hike and need a hiking partner."

Oh hell no, you already did enough working out this evening. You were not about to do that again, that's for sure.

"Yeah, nooo," you exhale lowly. "I already did too much working out with my body if you know what I mean and-"

"I don't know what that means," he cuts you off.

"It means I am going to be sore for days so my body has no strength to walk for more than five minutes," you declare as he falls silent.

After a few seconds that felt like forever, he replies. "Fine," he blankly states. "Have a goodnight, sweetheart."

The warmth as blood began drawing to your face became present as you quickly reply with a simple "night" before ending the call. And for some reason you felt as if you couldn't breathe normally by the pounding on your chest.

What the hell was happening to you. Looking up at the ceiling, you silently pray you don't have a Lady Gaga 2.0 fiasco.

As you were questioning why your heart made you feel as if you were going under cardiac arrest the night before, your body was currently making you feel if you really needed to make that trip to the ER by how tender you were.

It also didn't help that Jules was the one waking you up at the crack of dawn, half asleep with her eye mask clinging onto her forehead.

"W-why are you-" you grumble, rubbing your eyes as you look at the alarm clock near your bedside. "-waking me up at 6:18am? It's Saturday."

She sent you a death glare for assuming she randomly wanted to wake you up for the fun of it as she was the one who was woken up first. "Someone's here for you."

Positioning your body upwards, you squint your eyes up at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you take a look for yourself," she gritted her teeth, swaying her head towards your door.

Slowly standing up, you make your way to it before sneaking a peak of the view of your living room. That's when you see a very annoying man you were sure you both agreed on the phone last night to not go hiking.

Luckily, he didn't notice your wandering eyes as his were glued to his phone, scrolling through his social media.

What was he doing here? You can't face him without thinking about his body wrapped around yours and his lips doing dangerous things.

Oh no, you truly were screwed.

Lightly shutting your door, you nervously turn back to your roommate who looks displeased. "I told him no."

"No means yes, I guess," she replies, snaking her arms around her body for warmth. "I'm going back to bed."

You could hear her walk out of your room as you frantically begin searching for something warm yet comfortable clothes to wear on this undesired hike. You knew if you tried backing out he would stay until you caved, he was very persistent to get what he wanted.

And what he wanted was for you to get your ass up and exercise.

You were also certain you heard Jules let out a "thanks for the invite" to him before hearing her bedroom door shut.

Running out of your room, you made sure not to look in his direction so he wouldn't see your morning appearance clearly- well he already has but why reveal yourself in this state again?

Quickly brushing your hair, teeth, and washing your face, you change into a baggy green sweatshirt and some black workout leggings before slipping on suited running shoes.

Try to act natural. Give him little attention so he won't speculate anything. You aren't into old men and did not vision him smooching you on your sofa.

"You are so buying me breakfast," you deadpan as you walked straight out of your door, not even daring to wait for him to follow.

Good, be straightforward.

Laughing to himself, Pedro promptly jumped off the couch and jogged after you once you shut the door on him and continued down the halls to the elevators.

Finally catching up, he barely made it through the elevator doors as they were closing to find you leaning against the corner, mad and tired. "Good morning to you, too."

You let out a small cry as you lay your head against the wall in pain from how frustratingly exhausted you were. If one cold breeze hit you outside you were sure you were going to burst into tears.

"Oh, come one," he walks over to you and nudged your shoulder to wake up some more. If he unexpectedly touched you again you were sure you were going to rip his arm off. "In a few minutes you'll be wide awake and fine."

"How dare you assume I'm going to be fine!" you whine, trying to hit his side but he manages to capture your arm and that's when you give up and allow your worn out body to fall on him.

He instantly wraps his arms around you as your head falls just beneath his chin, your eyes slowly closing and your thoughts drifting away as his warmth was making you drowsy.

You tried to stay focus, but your poor state was taking over and you suddenly weren't as anxious as you once were. Being sleepy really made your mind roam.

"Hey, now," he whispers and looks down to see you snuggling up against him. "You can't fall asleep on me. I do not want your security guards thinking I drugged you."

Tightening your arms on how lower sides, you ignore him as you feel yourself easing closer to dozing off by the constant beating of his heart. "Stop," you mumble, clutching your ears softly before positioning your head on the other side of his chest.

"What?" he curiously glances down at you.

"You heartbeat's annoying me," you lightly whine. "It's pounding against my ears."

Pedro was extremely glad you were too tired to process his heartbeat and the bright red tint plastered across his face. Your drained-self definitely saved him from embarrassment.

Finally, the elevator doors opened and you still weren't moving. You were too comfortable to make any effort to walk on your own and if he really wanted you to hang out this morning then he was going to have to find a way to make you move.

And to him, dragging you was his best option yet. But with care.

Delicately keeping his arms secured around you, he gradually walked out with you still engulfed by him, eyes shut and only moving your feet with his pace.

Honestly, you were surprised how much rhythm you had.

Stopping to pull out his car keys, he unlocked his car and opened his passenger side door once you two reached the garage complex. Gently, laying you on the seat, you station you head against the headrest as he buckled you in. "God, I really hope security doesn't report me."

And once he made it to his side and hopped in, he laughed at the state you were in, head instantly bent to your side and legs tangled together in hope to create some kind of warmth. "Adorable."

But of course you were too dumb to not catch that.

You were awoken by a small speed bump and the instant hit of warmth through the heat vents, your eyes slowly glancing around your surroundings. Taking a quick peep at the screen indicating the time, you read that it was almost 7am.

Tilting your head and leaning against the headrest, you lazily stare at Pedro as he continues to drive to god knows where.

"Don't I look so handsome in the morning?" he jokes before meeting your eyes, sending you a warm grin.

And handsome on top of you.

Shutting your eyes tightly, you beg your imagination to please shut the fuck up.

"You mean drastic," you mutter, moving your head to the opposite side, against the window to force some sleep again.

Better to make time fly by faster knocking out where you were sure you wouldn't say anything stupid.

"Hey, no..." he whines, moving his right arm across to shake your chin softly to keep you conscious. "Don't pass out on me again, I'm lonely."

"And I'm tired, deal with it."

Shuffling in his seat, he looks over to see you curling yourself up in a ball with your legs to your knees and arms wrapped around. Not thinking things throughly, he hits the brakes hard for a split second and watches as your body jolts forward before swinging back against his seat.

"What the fuck!" you shriek, propping your body up and facing him in pure rage. "Are you trying to irritate me?!"

"I'm lonely and you're not helping," Pedro calmly states, shrugging as you continue your daggers his way.

You were beyond pissed. How could he think you would be energetic and talkative right now? How could he attempt to make you fly out the window? You could feel your nerves slowly fading away by the fury growing inside you.

If he wanted you awake then fine, you were going to be awake.

Doesn't mean you had to talk though.

Silently sitting up, you stare at the windshield in front of you and watch the cars drive as he continues to spare you a glance every once in a while.

Honestly, your silence was terrifying the fuck out of him. Normally, you would have some snarky comeback or violent punch to return to his evil tactics, but you were doing nothing.

Literally nothing.

And he knows damn well the sights of trees and cars did not interest you.

"Hey...," you feel Pedro lightly poke your side, pursing his lips once he saw your non-existent reaction. "You're not mad, right?"

Ignoring him, you continue your deep stare now onto more trees as you two were getting closer to nature than streets. You must've been out for some time as you barely noticed how far away from the city you really were.

Joon would really love this.

Gradually lifting his arm up, his places it on top of your own and gives it a small squeeze while laying it there. "C'mon, don't ignore me."

As if that would make you stop your scheme.

Blinking slowly, you acted like you paid no attention to his puppy dog pleads as the car was making its way towards an almost empty parking lot, all surrounded by a forest that only had one route starting within an old wooden bridge.

Pulling up to a nearby parking spot, Pedro parked the car before turning back to try and capture your attention but nothing was working.

You were so damn frustrating, it was infuriating. But he was still desperate to gain your attention.

"Are you just going to sit in here all day or what?" he questions as he waves a hand over your face to make you blink.

You didn't and that kind of frightened him. Work of the devil.

"I am going to cry," he warned, swatting his hand over his face to prepare for his fake tears.

Yet you showed no mercy. Sitting there patiently, you inhaled and exhaled softly, causing him to internally flip the fuck out because why were you being so aggravating when the two of you should be walking and pointing out the squirrels fighting over nuts.

And sadly, he was slowly giving up.

"Imagine if I really was crying," he began, offended you did not care one bit. "Really means a lot how unconcerned you are."

But when you suddenly started examining your nails and carefully picking at them is when he totally lost it.

Reaching over to you and moving his arm down your arm, he swiftly intertwined your fingers with his before moving you posture to face him.

His hand was huge.

"No, no-" he started, pulling a face as you gave him a blank stare back. Act natural. Pulling your shared hands in front of his chest, he sulks. "-please, for the love of whichever god you believe in, or if you're an atheist- for the love of you, please talk to me."

Watching him beg for forgiveness has always been funny in the past, but his pleading for attention now makes you feel bad.

"If you talk to me I will buy you breakfast and a very delicious milkshake that will make you extremely happy for the rest of the day," he continues, using his free left arm to wrap around you as his right one still clutches onto your palm.

He's so warm.

Pursing your lips a bit, you send him a skeptical glance. "Oreo shake with a lot of whipped cream?"

He instantly nods, a smile breaking out. "Of course, anything you want."

You look at the car's steering wheel before averting your eyes back to his. "And a red cherry?"

"I'll buy you a full jar of cherries if it makes you happy," he declares.

"And fries?"

Agreeing, he lets out a quick nod again. "With extra seasoning."

Biting your lip, you proceed to think about other stuff you may want with your milkshake and fries. "A burger?"

"My goodness, woman" he sighs, letting go of you and jumping out of the car before running around to your side and opening your door. "I'll buy you the whole menu, now let's go!"

With that, he vigorously yet cautiously pulls you out of your seat and throws you over his shoulders.

"Oh no!" you squeal, trying to find something to hold on to as he begins his journey, walking towards the bridge to start the hike. Grabbing a hold of his neck, you try not to choke him as you place your arm around it.

If you were going down, you were sure you were going to break his neck in the process. At least it would be a learning lesson for him.

"If you drop me I am never talking to you again," you threaten as he continues down a path.

"Said that before and just did it half the car ride here," he begins, moving his shoulder to give you a little fright of your life. "Now I just found out that all I have to do is buy you food and you'll yap again."

Glaring, you choke him a little to which he chuckles. "Didn't know you were into that."

Speechless, you couldn't believe his words. What the hell was he on this morning?

"Put me down!" you exclaim, immediately moving your body so he would lose his balance. Once he did so, you scowl as he ruffles your hair, making it tangle around. "Hey!"

"Can you stop being negative for a few minutes and enjoy the environment?" he asks, pulling his arms up to twirl around. "Just take in that fresh air mother nature gifted us."

Scrunching your nose, you frown. "It smells like rotten eggs."

"Because of the ducks," he pointed out before patting his pockets. "Which we will be feeding with the bread I brought."

Examining his pocket, you shoot him a curious glance. "How big are your pockets?"

"Not important," he states, grabbing your arms and dragging you along with him down the long trail. "What's important is finishing this trail to feel accomplished."

Pouting, you allowed him to drag you along as you miserably dreaded the next few hours to come. The energy you had to give off just for some damn breakfast.

Shame on you for loving food so much.

Encountering many frogs, lizards, and pigeons who loved flying right by both of your heads and scaring you to death, you had long forgotten about how anxious you were being around him. Being distracted constantly had you occupied which was a relief.

Eventually, you two finally found the drugs.

Or the ducks.

Walking by a huge pond, there were numerous amounts of ducks leaping around with their families following behind. It was really cute, but the smell wasn't.

"I wonder if they can choke on this?" Pedro muttered as he pulled out a large bread. Slowly nearing one medium-seized one in caution, he rips a piece apart and throws it. "It is kind of thick."

Taking a moment to check the bread out, you sigh. "Are you feeding these ducks bolillo bread?"

He pauses, not sure why you would care to ask. "Yes and?"

"They have thick crusts!" you exclaim. "And why not just feed them normal wheat bread?"

"Who even eats wheat? It's bland." he protests. "Plus, this is leftovers from my dinner last night."

"They're ducks! They don't care," you argue as he shakes his head.

"Just imagine if you were a duck," he began, making you huff in annoyance as you just knew he was going to say something ridiculous. "Wouldn't you love to eat this nice bolillo bread, maybe visualize a torta with some carnitas, onions, avocado, can't forget the refried bean-"

"The duck is choking!" you squeal and stare in fear as the poor duck starts to wheeze sharply.

Pedro's facial expressions drops as he sees the poor duck quacking in agony. Nervously rushing to its side, he looks up at you. "Do we pat its back? CPR? Call 911?!"

Pulling out your phone, you type away to find answers for your current problem. It was indeed true that you aren't supposed to feed ducks bread.

Especially thick Mexican ones.

"Give it mouth to mouth if you want chlamydia," you read aloud, causing Pedro to instantly leap away from the duck as it hastily begins to lay on the ground. "Wait, you get that from birds, not ducks. Silly me."

"Ducks are birds," he discloses, trying his best to softly pat the ducks back, finally giving it one powerful swat to help but instead the duck ends ups being thrown a few feet away by his force.

"Do I look like a fucking duck doctor?" you spit out, making him look up confused.

"You mean a veterarian."

Ignoring his last comment, you continue scrolling through more of google's suggestions, finally finding some information that may help. "You need to press down on its chest with 1-2 fingers or just give them water to drown it down."

Immediately grabbing the duck and placing it on its back, you worriedly watch over the duck from Pedro's shoulder as he works his fingers on the poor animal.

However, no luck was given as the duck was beginning to look weak and drowsy as pressure kept being projected on its chest. "We need water!"

Running towards the pond, you motion for Pedro to follow along with the duck as you look for a safe ramp to lead the duck onto. "Let's just lay him down near the water and splash him with it."

"He?" Pedro asks, stopping his movements. "But it looks like a she-"

"We are not arguing over its gender when its literally dying in your arms!" you exclaim, causing him to quickly nod and follow the ramp you found towards the water.

Gently, Pedro lowered his arms near the water with the poor duck taking over his hands. Trying to move the flow of water towards its face, he calls you over. "He's not accepting it, you need to scoop some up in your hand and pour it over his beak."

Rapidly nodding, you do as he says and take a handful and try not to spill it before gradually pouring it over the duck's beak. This water was not clean, but at least it was something. Nothing was happening until your third scoop once the duck began to actually swallow some of the water slowly.

"I-I think it's working! We did it!" Pedro cheered, trying to give you a high-five, failing incredibly as he somehow managed to lose his grip and dump the poor duck hard in the pond. "Oh shit!"

Squatting down, you try to reach for the duck as its face was buried underneath the water before Pedro's body slams into yours, causing you to fall into the dirty, cold pond.

The feeling of thick, muddy water overtakes your body as you lose all sight of air. Quickly moving your arms up and down, you rise back to the surface to find Pedro with his hands over his mouth and his jaw dropped.

He knew he wasn't going to hear the end of it.

"Fuck," he nervously muttered to himself before reaching out for you. "I am so so so sorry, the leaf made me slip AH!-"

He couldn't finish his sentence as you yanked his arm down with you, pulling with almighty to get him to land in the pond. The weight of the water going down with his body diving harshly against it, you knew he was completely soaked.

And probably pissed, but its okay. It's what he deserves.

Waiting for him to come up, he finally did so in seconds looking very unhappy. It made you delighted.

"You did that on purpose!"

Scoffing, you splash him and watch as he gasps harder. "You do a lot of things on purpose."

Using both hands to release bigger waves, he splashes you back. "Don't splash me!"

Growling, you slap his chest as he clutches your wrist afterwards. "You're so lucky I forgot my phone at home."

Gasping, you feel one of his hands fly underwater. "I didn't!" You hold in your giggles as he shuffles frantically before moving his gaze back up. "Wait, I never removed it from my glove department. Be fortunate I forgot it because if you destroyed it I would've made you walk home."

Furrowing your brows, you push his shoulders and make him move back by the force of it. "You're the one who started it. We're gonna get duck chlamydia now!"

Rolling his eyes, he pushed you back, causing you to fall under the water. Once you caught your breath again you notice the way he glares at you. "That's not even a thing."

"Just another STD to add to your list," you jokingly mumble to yourself, sure he didn't catch it.

You were wrong, again.

Launching himself onto you, the two of you fall underwater as he shoves you body around in revenge. Swimming back up, you gasp for air while slapping his arms off you as he tried blocking all your attempts.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he clings his face on your shoulder as he proceeds to try and bring you down under but somehow you manage to wrap your leg around his thigh, causing him to lose his strength and fall backwards with you on top of him.

He sure has one strong grip.

Now, not saying you were going to kill him. But this was your chance to kill him with no witnesses.

Well- besides the ducks, but they wouldn't quack a soul.

Regaining his energy, he lifts himself back up and holds you up, about to drag you under again before you crazily oppose while shaking your head, "Don't! We're gonna get sick!"

"That's not a very sincere apology," he tilts his head, his wet hair scattered across his face as he awaits your alibi.

Huffing, you fight back a rude remark. "Do you understand how much poop were swimming in right now? These ducks are probably laughing at us by how much they are quacking."

Swiftly looking around, the two of you check the surrounding ducks around who blankly stare back. The older looking ones hollering nonsense, probably making plans to kill you and Pedro.

"I bet their releasing their chlamydia right now," you cry, hiding your face in his shoulder as he bursts out laughing.

"I don't think that's how it works."

Glancing down on him, you're surprised by his strength. He's been holding you up by your waist for so long you're shocked he hasn't dropped you accidentally yet. "Let's not find out, let's get out."

"You're forgetting something," he smiles, staring innocently at you, knowing damn well you can't leave without his release. "And I wouldn't wait this one out because I am pretty sure I feel toads swimming near my feet."

Instantaneously, you clung onto him tighter in fear as you could imagine the feeling of something swarming around your body. It was like hundred of spiders crawling all over you, you needed to get out of here.

Pulling yourself back up, you place your hands on his shoulders as he impassively stares back at you, waiting. "Fine," you huff. "I'm sorry for claiming you had STD's before."

Pedro just stays there, not moving an inch as if he wants more. Groaning, you knew he wasn't going to give in so easy. "And I am sorry for stimulating the idea that you would get duck chlamydia," you apologize. "But you can get E. coli."

That didn't help as he just helplessly eyed you, not impressed with your poor excuses of your so-called apologies. What more did he want? You can't necessarily beg on your knees, you're in the water!

Whining, you knew you had to pull out your sincere face. You just knew your Oscar-worthy acting was about to award you freedom.

Softly, you move strands of hair stuck near his eyes away from his face and brush his hair back before quivering your lips and looking down upon him in sorrow.

He has really pretty eyes.

"I'm really sorry," you start as you push your face inside his neck and lock him inside your arms. "I know you don't have any infections, you don't even have visible rashes or sores to prove it."

Pedro finds your plead for forgiveness charming as you squeeze him tighter. He begins to release you until he hears the mutter of your "-that are visible."

"You couldn't hold it in for a few more seconds?!" he whined at how fast you went back to insulting him.

Sighing heavily, you slap a hand to your face. "It's hard!"

Suppressing a laugh, he unwrapped his arms around you and let you get back to the sidewalk. But once you were back on your feet, you looked down to find your body filled with random pieces of dirt, sticks, and grass. "Ew!"

"You're not sitting in my car," Pedro states, waving his head side to side to release some water from his ears.

"You're worse than me!"

"My car, my rules."

Frowning, you weren't sure if he was kidding or not. "Well, you almost committed first-degree-murder so if you don't want people to know you must be my personal servant."

His instant glare turned into confusion as he abruptly moved his attention back towards the pond. "Where did the duck go?"

Widening your eyes, you forgot that you had a helpless duck in your hands minutes ago before your splash attack with Pedro. Scanning your eyes from the sidewalks to the ramps to the pond, you noticed a duck floating nearby. "I think that's them."

Pointing at a duck with the closest familiar colors than the rest, you felt Pedro let out of sigh of relief. "Thank goodness, I would have felt extremely guilty if she would have died."

"It could be a he," you snap back.

He was about to protest but honestly, you were done for the day. You just wanted to take a long and hot shower and knock back out. Not only that, but you ruined your cute running shoes you gifted yourself months ago for your work out journey.

You never really wore them, but it's the thought that counts.

"We can get breakfast another day," you plead to which he didn't argue over because he really wanted to remove the unknown substances off his body asap.

He wouldn't admit it, but he was genuinely scared he may have gotten duck chlamydia .

"Okay, but no sleeping in the car," Pedro states as you exhale loudly. All this and you still weren't allowed to doze off, how cruel is life at the moment.

Walking back to the car would've went down smoothly if the two of you weren't given disturbed looks from strangers and your clothes weren't clinging uncomfortably to your bodies, especially your shoes.

Luckily, Pedro had towels in his trunk and set them down on the seats. "God, I am definitely going to need a deep cleaning after this."

Slipping inside, your hands find the heater and turn it on full blast. Not only was it freezing outside, but your drenched state made you feel like an icicle.

Setting off back to the road, your mind begins to wander back to the question that has been flooding your mind lately. Craning you neck towards his presence, you make out his comfort state. Cool, he's calm.

Here goes nothing.

"So," you start, awkwardly playing with your hands as you try to make direct eye-contact with him as he turns his head to you. "Why did you visit the other morning?"

Lifting a brow, he pulls a face. "Other morning?"

Biting the inside of the cheek, you try to sound composed. "Yeah, remember? You dropped by around 6am-"

"-and you thought I was Lady Gaga, slammed the door on my face, and went back to bed?" he finished, grinning while finding your eyes again. "You mean that day?"

"Well if you knew what I was talking about why make me recall those mortifying details?" you grumble, leaning back against your seat. "And I thought you were a cat."

"I figured, I always questioned why Jules would ramble on about buying Lady Gaga a new electric litter box until I connected the dots," he confessed making you let out a small chuckle.

Yeah, you clearly remember how upset Jules became when Lady Gaga neglected the expensive box.

"But if you're curious, it wasn't because I wanted to go hiking," he smiled, referring to the current day.

"Then why?"

He paused for a minute, checking his mirrors before switching lanes. "I'm not really sure."

Tilting your head a bit, you express curiosity as you glance back. "I don't understand?"

Laughing lowly, he slightly shook his head. "I did wake up real fucking early that day," he started. "Maybe around 4am? Which sucked because I must've gotten like 3-4 hours of sleep."

"So you decided to wake me up so I could feel your pain?"

"No," he stifled another chuckle. "To plant trees."

Squinting your eyes, you become very confused. What is he talking about? He noticed your puzzlement immediately. "You know, go early in the morning to different areas in the city and help dig and replace old trees to plant new ones."

This whole time you were flipping out, wondering why he randomly came early in the morning just to find out it was because he's a nature boy who wants to help out the community?

It was very sweet of him to be as helpful as he was, but you were a little disappointment it wasn't something more.

"That's why?" you ask and he nods. "And why no warning?"

"Well, I was going to call but I figured all that studying you had done the evening before may have knocked you out early," he confessed.

Yet he still made you wake up early today knowing damn well you were exhausted last night. Strange.

"Why me?" you giggle. "I'm not your typical nature girl, Joon would've been perfect for the job."

Shrugging, he leaned his elbow on his middle console. "I thought about asking him, but to be honest I didn't want to pay for any damages he may have caused."

That was a very accurate insight of what Joon really was, clumsy. The amount of times he accidentally dropped his coffee cups, tripped over wires backstage, and face-planted against glass doors would be too much to count on both your palms.

You're surprised he hasn't broken his back again- but still glad he hasn't. That would really suck.

"But have you thought things over yet?" Pedro glanced your way before looking back forward. "About Canada?"

Stiffing up a bit, you move your eyes to the dashboard. You weren't dreading this conversation, but you didn't want to talk about it.

This was a situation where it was a win but also a loss.

Win as in gaining incredible experience, loss that your parent's wouldn't be pleased, it was in a different country, and you'd be missing out on your social life for almost a year.

"Not really," you admit and sense from the corner of your eyes his shoulders fall. "Still indecisive, as always," you try joking to lighten the mood.

Sending over a tiny grin, he mirrors your same expression, doubtful. His face turns concentrated again, leaning closer to you before he shuts down again, ultimately rejecting whatever idea he had going on.

The rest of the drive back to your place went by fast. The two of you made little talk about each other's life and how school was going for you, but he already knew so much already from past encounters.

Pulling up to the red curb you loathe, you crack a scowl as he only returns a smirk at his doing. "I will personally send my property manager to you so she can threaten you."

"I do love threats," he beamed, watching as you reach for the handle before stopping you by his voice. "-but I had fun this morning, despite our little uh...catastrophe," he chuckled, looking down at his clothes.

"I totally agree," you grin. "Dirt just looks so good on me."

He sniggers lightly before slightly sobering up. "But seriously, think about the offer," he begins, nipping at his lip a bit, not trying to put too much pressure on you. "It'll be good for you, you know- your future."

Sighing, you nod. You knew where he was coming from since he's been doing this for so long, but you were still young and had a lot on your mind.

"I'll think about it," you smile, reaching for the door handle and swiftly getting out, missing the way his smile slowly vanishes.

Taking your usual step back, you send him a farewell wave but he does his habitual goodbyes as he gets out of his car and grins to you. "See you around." Laughing, you walk inside the doors and make your way to the elevators, his followed soft "beautiful" being muffled by the traffic on the streets.

It seemed like both of you were screwed.

taglist: @thesapphirequeen @floralsightings @wrathofcats @avengersheart @fafik7 @chimchimjiminie16 @adriennemichelle98

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #joel miller #tlou #tlou joel #pascalispunk #joel miller x reader #the last of us #pedro pascal angst #pedro pascal fluff #pedropascaledit #fanfiction

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mariaofdoranelle · 2 years ago

Text

Look at Us Now — Ch. 4

Fic Masterlist

I couldn’t wait until Thursday to post under a prompt for Aelin Week, so be ready for a surprise by then hehe

P.S. this chapter is my baby be nice to it

Edit: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THIS HELLSITE ILY @aelinchocolatelover [plays parabéns da xuxa softly in the background] ❤️💛💕💓❤️

Warnings: light NSFW, language, swords, let me know if I missed something

Word count: 6,1k (Oops!… I did it again)

The only sound Aelin could hear was their heavy breaths and the AC running.

Rowan was draped over the couch by her side, head tilted up and naked as the day he was born. The way his pecs flexed and glistened because of his post-orgasm heavy breathing and sweat was absolutely maddening.

Aelin’s fingertips were about to become calloused from the amount of times she ran them over his rock-hard abs.

It became a routine, pretending she was leaving base like everyone else at the end of the day, then turning around when no one would notice. She didn’t know if Rowan was always waiting for her or if he just enjoyed working until late. Aelin didn’t care. What mattered is that he was always at his office right after her classes were done, and she would always take advantage of it.

Aelin darted a glance at the watch Rowan kept on his wall. It was almost 11 pm.

She should’ve gone home to rest after having classes until nine, but Aelin was attached to this office like a magnet. Or to the man who stayed here. Rowan always had her so lost in his current Aelin often forgot she has a boyfriend waiting for her most days. Dorian didn’t seem to mind, though. With them having an open relationship, he was never lonely.

Around the third time Aelin came to Rowan’s office, there was a drawer with a lock and condoms inside. A short while after, he brought a small, but extra comfy couch, perfect for a post-orgasmic haze.

Aelin didn’t mind having sex on desks and walls for 10 weeks if it was with Rowan, but she liked this additional little touch.

It would be still the best sex she’s ever had, Aelin thought.

She hummed in delight, thinking about the way he tore her apart minutes ago in this couch.

Rowan lazily turned his head, making his gaze fall on her. What’re you thinking? His curious green eyes seemed to ask her.

“We still have time for a round three.”

He chuckled. “Insatiable.”

That single word sent a spark through her spine. Aelin had never been shy in bed, but things with Rowan were different. More intense. Something about him made her absolutely unleashed between these four walls, like wind spreading a wildfire.

They didn’t talk much, though. Too hungry for each other in the beginning and too tired from the day in the end, the only time they’d talk was between rounds.

“You’re not gonna wish me good luck?”

Every recruit needs to do a physical test by the end of their basic training, and Aelin’s would be tomorrow morning.

“You don’t need it.”

She grinned. “Because you trained me so well?”

Rowan did that thing where he tried not to smile, but the left corner of his lip tilted up anyway. “I think that goes without saying.”

“I disagree.” Aelin bit her lip, eyes full of mischief.

“Is that so?”

She nodded. “I need more cardio.”

Rowan said nothing, but his eyes sparkled with the challenge. He got up from the couch, then laid on the ground for a second before bending his knees and elbows to raise his shoulders and hips.

In less than 10 seconds, the bastard got into a perfect yoga wheel pose.

“Show off,” Aelin grunted. His grin was so smug she wanted to punch it.

“Hop on.”

Aelin’s eyes widened. “You want me to ride your dick like this?”

“You said you needed cardio.”

The squat work she’d have to do fuck him like this. With nothing around for her to support herself. After fourteen hours of boot camp and two orgasms.

“Absolutely not!” She shrieked.

One look at her face was enough for Rowan to chuckle, the echos of his amusement not stopping while he smoothly landed on the floor.

Aelin’s shoulders relaxed in relief, but something dawned on her. Was Rowan Whitethorn teasing her?

“Not funny.” She crossed her arms. “Get back here. And stop showing off. You’re not even the yoga type!’”

“That’s prejudiced. Why am I not the yoga type?”

She squinted her eyes at him, but the bastard was still grinning. He knew she thought he wasn’t the yoga type because he’s a burly brute.

He shrugged and sat back on the couch by her side. “I go to a class on Sunday mornings. My roommate joins me when he’s not too hangover.”

I could go with you. The words were in the tip of her tongue, but Aelin held back.

She knew her place in a man’s life after fucking for 10 weeks without even being asked on a date. And she was happy with it. Rowan was an incredible fuck buddy, and she had a boyfriend already to take to yoga classes. But like Rowan’s roommate, she didn’t know if Dorian could stay a single Sunday morning without being hangover, either. Or still at a party.

Who liked yoga, anyway?

Trying to erase her own thoughts, Aelin turned to straddle Rowan in one swift motion. She did her best to not let her self-consciousness show. She had been exercising like crazy, but didn’t seem to lose any weight. In fact, she’s been feeling bloated for a while now.

Fuck, Aelin really needed to stop thinking.

Rowan began trailing kissed down her neck, making her softly moan and search with her hips for his hardened bulge.

“I want to fuck you here. No yoga shit.”

Aelin didn’t see it coming, his hand slapping her ass so hard it sent shivers through her body. The hand on her hair slid to her throat, gently squeezing it again when he commanded, “You take what I give you, and you’ll like it. You hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” Aelin whimpered, and then moaned when he slid his cock between her folds to press against her clit.

It was so good it could be a crime, the way Rowan made her feel. How he knew exactly what to say in bed and every trick to make her scream.

Right now, this was exactly what she needed.

˜˜

Aelin kept telling herself that today’s test was a given, and that she could endure worse than this. Dorian kept telling her that it’s okay to be and act nervous before her test.

Truth was, fighting him and insisting she wasn’t edgy was very effective at distracting her from the real thing. Now that her boyfriend was waiting outside while she waited for her second physical test in the Air Force, it felt a lot more real.

It consisted of two parts, some bureaucratic blood tests and tox screens and then being cleared to do the actual test.

Aelin was on a row with the other people from her class, entering the room where it was going to happen, when someone stopped her.

“Wait there. Galathynius, right?” The flat and rough voice came from Captain Salvaterre, the coordinator of her program. He frowned at the clipboard and wrote something down before looking back at her. “You’re not cleared to do the physical test. You’ll get more info via email later.”

Aelin didn’t move. Eyes widened, mind blank. What the fuck just happened?

“Bye, Galathynius,” Salvaterre dismissed her.

“Wait,” Aelin blurted, mind still short-circuiting. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. Don’t care either. The doctor didn’t clear you to do the exam, and now you’re holding up the line.”

Her eyebrows squished together. Why would the doctor do that? “Can I at least talk to them?”

“Look, I won’t let you bother the doctor just because you smoked some weed or whatever and got caught.”

“Excuse me?” Aelin hissed.

Salvaterre sighed. “Most people that fail this step do it because of the tox screen. I don’t give a fuck about what you do on your free time, just don’t bother the doctor over this shit. It’s done.”

“What? I don’t do drugs!”

He didn’t look convinced.

“I mean it.” Aelin raised an eyebrow. “I could be dying. I could die right now without knowing what’s wrong.”

Salvaterre rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

She followed his instructions to where to find the doctor, her mind racing all the time. Since it was their mistake, maybe she could reschedule the test. Sure, Aelin had been feeling tired and drained all the time, but it was because of her exhausting training. Apart from that, she knew she was on her prime. This was surely a mistake.

Aelin knocked three times at the door and went inside before the doctor could tell her to come in. If she did it fast enough, maybe there could be time for her to rejoin her class and do the test.

The doctor was a kind-looking older woman. Files, probably everyone’s exams surrounded her, but she looked calm in the middle of that chaos.

“Oh, hello, there!” She grinned. “How can I help you?”

She shook the doctor’s hand and rushed to sit on the chair in front of her. “Hi. My name’s Aelin Galathynius. I didn’t get cleared to do the physical test, so—“

“I’m on it.” She quickly found Aelin’s file and smiled when she opened it.

Aelin frowned. What was she smiling at?

”I couldn’t let you go in there, dear,” the doctor explained, “These tests are ruthless, especially when you’re new. All your exams look great, but it’s too physically straining and risky for any pregnant woman.“ She smiled. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Wait. No. I’m going there. What in—“

Wait a fucking minute

Did she say pregnant?

Aelin cleared her throat. “There must be something wrong. You’re sure this exam isn’t someone else’s?”

The woman handed her the paper, jaw dropped. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—“

“Holy shit,” Aelin interrupted, not really caring about anything else right now. Too stunned to remember that she was cursing at her soon-to-be workplace.

Her eyes were frozen on the same few lines.

PATIENT: AELIN ASHRYVER GALATHYNIUS

BETA HCG QUANTITATIVE

TEST VALUE: 91350 mIU/mL

P.S. POSITIVE

What the actual fuck?

Aelin just stared with a slack jaw, eyes glued to the paper.

Dorian had a vasectomy, and she only had unprotected sex once this year. Way more than once actually, but all on the same evening. Does Rowan have a vasectomy? Is he the vasectomy type?

For the first time of her life, Aelin cursed herself for not keeping good track of her period. She just marked the first day she bled on the app and forgot it existed until the next month.

Aelin snatched her phone from the purse, frantically opening the period app.

She felt the ground falling underneath her feet.

There were signs everywhere telling her period was late. Months late. The most neglected app on her phone had been trying to tell her the most important thing of her life for months.

Aelin sighed and held her head in her hands, trying to make sense of something she already knew was true. Her last period had been almost three months ago, a little before her unprotected sex with Rowan, at the very beginning of her training.

She cursed math for never lying.

Getting up, Aelin snapped a picture of the exam and gave it back to the doctor, mumbling a thick “Thanks, good morning.”

She walked that familiar path with no destination in mind. Aelin had nowhere to go now that she wasn’t doing the test. She tried to process this, but wasn’t processing nothing at all.

She was pregnant. Baby. Diapers. Cries. Big, big belly. Milk. Milk and money, actually. Babies required milk as much as they required money.

Money wasn’t an issue. At least Aelin was a doctor.

If she was keeping the baby, Aelin thought, but soon brushed it off. She wanted this. Twenty-seven isn’t too young to be a mom, right?

Fuck, she’s going to be a mom. No, not fuck. Good. This was good news. Scary too.

She also needed to move out. Uncle Orlon and Darrow never wanted kids, raising her and Aedion after Aelin’s parents died was enough on them. She didn’t want her kid to be a burden.

Her and Rowan’s. Way to go, being knocked up by a brute she barely knew.

Rowan did not look like the nurturing dad type, at least not by the way he acted around his students. Aelin cringed. Would he be too hard on her kid?

If he wanted the kid, she couldn’t forget. There was a good chance he won’t want the baby, considering that: (a) he’s a man, (b) their history, or lack thereof.

A hand wrapped around her elbow, making her jerk and go stiff.

It was just Dorian, though. Looking around, it looked like her aimless wandering led her to the room she left him in.

“That was quick,” her boyfriend said. “How was it?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“We need to talk,” Aelin blurted.

She pulled a confused-looking Dorian to his car until they were seated with the doors closed. She showed him the picture of the exam and waited for his answer. And waited. And waited until she was wriggling in her seat, trying to get a better look at his dumbfounded face.

“Wow,” he breathed, and turned to face her. “What are we doing about this?”

We.

That word alone almost broke her heart.

“You know it’s not yours, Dor.”

“It’s Hot Lieutenant’s?”

Aelin nodded.

He had a small, sad smile on his face. “But we’re a team, remember?”

She swallowed, chest constricting. God, this was hard. Aelin already knew what she had to do, but it didn’t make it any easy.

“We are, but this isn’t a quick fix. It’d mean no quiet time, no free time, vomit all over your expensive furniture…”

Dorian took a deep breath. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

Aelin nodded, clamping her lips together. “You don’t want to change your entire lifestyle for a kid that isn’t even yours, Dor.”

He didn’t answer. Just nodded, resigned. They knew they weren’t the one for each other, but that didn’t mean they wanted to break up now. The situation required, though. Aelin’s relationship with Dorian was based on fun and friendship, and throwing a baby in the mix wasn’t a good fit. Besides, he didn’t want a kid. He has a vasectomy for a reason.

Dorian cradled her face with both hands, looking her deep into her eyes. “I might not be your baby daddy, but I’m going to be the best damn uncle this kid will ever have, okay? I promise.” He brushed off a few rogue tears from her face. ”I love you, Aelin. Whatever happens, you’re not alone.”

Her hands wrapped around his torso, not caring that she was dampening his designer shirt with tears. “I love you, Your Magnanimous Holiness.” She felt his chest faintly shake with what would’ve been a full laugh any other time. “You’re still my best friend.”

Dorian kissed the crown of her head. “I better be. You’ll always be my best friend, Ace.”

They stayed a long time like this, Aelin taking deep breaths while he hugged her and played with her hair. It was nice, even with the bittersweet mood that lingered.

˜˜

Aelin woke up at her actual house this Saturday morning, which was odd. She usually spent weekends at Dorian’s, and even if they decided to stay friends after the breakup, she needed time alone to think.

She was pregnant.

Her first trimester flew by, and she had missed every single sign of it. Sure, she was feeling tired and had some cramps, but these were a few of the things she was shrugging off and assuming it meant something else. But Aelin knew better now.

She had so much to figure out it was making her dizzy, so her only goal this weekend was to not freak out completely.

One thing at a time, like her old therapist taught her.

On Monday, she’d make an appointment at the OBGYN and tell Rowan. Just find him on base during lunch or after work and rip the band-aid off, no expectations.

Aelin was giving her damn best to calm her heartbeat and not think about what would happen after that.

The smell of barbecue dragged Aelin out of her room, and hopefully it’d be a good distraction from all this.

Everyone was chatting in the backyard. She didn’t know when Aedion got here, but he was sitting with Uncle Orlon and Philippa, the housekeeper, while Darrow manned the grill.

Her heart squeezed to see her family like this. She wondered how much it’d change, after Little One was here.

“There she is!” Aedion beamed. “I thought I’d only see you at dinnertime, Ace.”

“Overslept.” She shrugged, feeling her stomach getting queasy just to think of the reason she stayed in bed more than usual.

“Is Dorian coming today?” Philippa asked. “I made that berry pie he likes.”

Aelin swallowed. It’d be easier to get this over with, so she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and announced, “Dorian and I broke up.”

The uncomfortable silence and everyone looking at each other without knowing what to say didn’t last long.

“Oh, thank God.” Uncle Orlon’s shoulders dropped and he sighed in relief. Aelin gaped, mind blank for a second. When he read her expression, he continued, “What? I like the kid, but he’s too unserious for you, Fireheart.”

She sagged back in her chair. Aelin wanted to argue, but her uncle was right. She always knew Dorian wasn’t the one, even if she enjoyed their relationship.

“What did he do?” Aedion snarled, arms crossed while he carefully studied his cousin.

“He didn’t do anything.” Aelin took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to drop. “We broke up because I’m pregnant.”

The only sound was her cousin squeezing his beer can with his hand until it was completely crushed, its contents spilling onto the table.

“He did what?” Aedion hissed through his teeth, and it was only then that she noticed everyone was intently looking at her, their faces somewhere between concern and something murderous.

Oh, fuck. Aelin really had a way of putting her foot in her mouth sometimes, didn’t she?

“It’s not his!” She blurted before anyone started overreacting. “Dorian’s not the father.”

“Oh, honey.” Philippa’s eyes were soft, understanding. “Did you cheat on him?”

“No. Hmm.” Aelin scratched the back of her head, feeling her whole face flush. God, this wasn’t a conversation she’d like to have in a room full of old people. “We weren’t exclusive. We could see other people while dating each other.”

Aedion didn’t seem impressed, but Orlon’s eyes were bulging out. Darrow was carefully silent.

“Is it a new kink?” Philipps wrinkled her nose. “Being cheated on.”

“It’s not like that!” Aelin groaned while holding her face with both hands.

“Honey…” Orlon took her hand, brows furrowed with concern while he struggled to say whatever he was thinking. “Do you at least know who the father is?”

“Of course I do!” She blurted, cheeks flaming as she dropped his hand. Aelin wasn’t easily embarrassed, but discussing her sex life with her great-uncle was not on her bucket list.

Everyone was silent, waiting for her to drop this piece of information.

“I haven’t told him yet. I’m not sure you know him, but promise you won’t say anything?”

Everyone nodded. She took a deep breath.

“It’s Lieutenant Whitethorn.”

“WHITETHORN?” Darrow screeched. “ROWAN WHITETHORN?”

Aelin froze. They did know him, after all.

Darrow ran inside the house and Orlon went after him, always the peacemaker. All things considered, she was thankful they didn’t have any guns, even though they could for being in the military.

“At least he’s hot,” Aedion acknowledged around a bite of garlic bread after a small stretch of silence.

Aelin groaned. “You know him too?”

“We did basic training together, and I think he went to Darrow’s section right after. Cool dude.”

“You’re not mad?” She eyed him warily.

“I’m happy for you, Ace. I will go for his head depending on what he says to you, though.” Aelin snorted. That sounded like her cousin. He continued, “But I need a cute niece or nephew to impress the ladies.”

“You are not using my kid to pick up women.”

“Not any women.” He leaned back, a lazy grin on his face. “MILFs.”

Aelin was about to say something about how disgusting her cousin was when a loud noise interrupted them.

Through the window, she could see Darrow holding a sword the military required them to have for some special ceremonies. Orlon was holding his own by the door, probably telling his husband to not threaten Rowan with it.

Considering that Rowan most likely also had a sword and definitely lived somewhere in this same village, she wouldn’t put past Darrow to find him and actually start a sword fight.

Aelin got up from her chair, ready to stop this nonsense. That’s the problem with her family, it’s full of overprotective men. They even have the medieval weapons, for Mala’s sake.

˜˜

Aelin clicked on the side button of her phone just once, to stop ringing.

“Do you want to take it? I can come back in a few,” The waitress asked.

“No need. I’ll have two of today’s specials, a diet coke and a non-alcoholic beer, please.” Aelin forced a smile.

On the table, her phone still showed a picture of Rowan and their daughter together, their smiles so big it was almost blinding. On the bottom of the screen, the choice to still take the call or refuse it altogether.

When it went off and he didn’t call again, Aelin let out a long breath.

Her relationship with Rowan got a lot more pacific after his trip to the hospital. It lasted less than two days.

Something eased inside Aelin’s chest when her cousin stomped inside the restaurant while looking for her. Aedion had many skills, but he had never been exactly a graceful person, Aelin mused with a small smile when he accidentally bumped his hip against one table.

They were on their lunch break, and while meeting at the restaurant nearby was nice, doing it for the third time this week was not in Aelin’s plans. At least not when she could eat for free at the Air Force’s mess hall.

But she would never deny lunch to her hurting cousin. Besides, Elide texted her saying they were serving fish today, and it wasn’t good. The food at the mess hall was a box full of surprises. It could be anywhere between unbelievably good and absolute shit.

“I see you’re still avoiding Kyllian,” she prompted.

Aedion didn’t answer, and he was saved by the waitress coming with their drinks. He and his now ex-boyfriend had been on a rough patch these last few months, and Kyllian being called upon to relocate to Mistward was their last straw. Apparently, Aelin would be helping her cousin avoid his ex at base until he moved.

“Seriously, Ace? This tastes like shit.” Aedion grimaced at his non-alcoholic beer.

“I’m not letting you get back at work drunk. And it’s on me today.” Aelin eyed her cousin warily. “Only because you look terrible.”

That damn ringtone started playing again. Her phone was on the table, so both Ashryver cousins stared at the picture of Rowan and Maisie. She pressed the side button again.

“You’re not gonna answer that?” Aedion asked.

Aelin squared her shoulders. “I’m already answering that, by silently telling him to give me space and respect my boundaries.”

“It could be important.”

“It’s really not.”

Aedion rolled his eyes and swiftly snatched her phone from the table. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

He hummed and nodded for a few seconds, then turned to Aelin. “Rowan wants to know what you packed for Maisie’s lunch today. He called in the morning to remind you she had a tummy ache yesterday, but you didn’t answer.”

Aelin ground her teeth together. Like she wouldn’t remember her own daughter was sick. What kind of mom did he think she was?

“Tell him to fuck off,” Aelin spit out.

Aedion sighed. “She told you to fuck off, man.”

Her cousin hummed again, then his eyes lit up and he perked up. “That’s so cool! Wait a second.”

He asked Aelin, “Did you read his texts about soccer classes?”

She gripped her diet coke with a little too much force, trying not to snap at her cousin. Aedion winced before Aelin even opened her mouth, reading her too well.

“I don’t think she wants to talk to you right now, man.” A pause. “Speaking about soccer, do you wanna watch the game on Sunday?” Aedion frowned and leaned back on the chair. “Come on, man, you have to. You know I’m on a post-breakup slump.”

Whatever Rowan told him made Aedion gape. He turned to Aelin. “You didn’t tell him Kyllian and I broke up?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not friends with Rowan, Aed. We only talk about Maisie.”

Aedion sighed, said goodbye and promised to text him about Sunday’s game.

After he gave her the phone back, her cousin said, “I don’t know what happens between you and Rowan that makes your relationship so bad.”

Aelin ground her teeth together, refusing to answer.

He wouldn’t have it, though. “He’s a good man. An even better dad. Your family loves him. For someone who got pregnant out of a hookup, you did pretty great, Ace.”

“Can we change the subject?”

He drew in a long breath and let it go. Anyone close to her knew The Rowan Conversation was absolutely fruitless.

“I vote for soccer.”

Oh, great. He stopped talking about her least favorite subject of all time, introducing this week’s least favorite subject.

“Thank God you’re not her parent, then.”

”Ouch.” Aedion held a hand against his chest in mock-offense. “I’ll be a great dad.”

She snorted. “You’ll be a pain in your kids’ ass.”

“Take it back!” He exclaimed, gaping.

“Don’t you dare forget how you scared away every boyfriend I had in high school!”

“I was saving your sorry ass from those assholes, that is.”

This time, Aelin gave him a full laugh. She was kind of a dipshit magnet during her teenage years, her cousin wasn’t completely wrong about that.

He continued, “I think Rowan is the only guy you dated that I actually like.” Well, that was a way to sober up the nice mood she just got in. Aelin glared at her cousin. Knowing what she was about to say, Aedion rolled his eyes and held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, you two never dated. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” A pause. “I promise I’ll drop this, but I’m curious. Is there anything wrong with soccer practice, or you’re just picking a fight?”

“I don’t pick fights for no reason.”

Aedion raised an eyebrow. She frowned at him.

She did not. All of her fights with Rowan were absolutely unavoidable.

Aelin shrugged. “Soccer’s lame.”

“Stop lying.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not crazy about it, but you like soccer.”

Aelin wanted to punch that know-it-all expression out of his face.

He didn’t move, waiting for her answer.

She squinted her eyes at him.

He looked absolutely unimpressed, keeping eye contact until he won that battle of wills.

“Fine,” Aelin grumbled as she roller her eyes and sagged in her seat.

“And?”

“I’m too cool to be a soccer mom.”

Aedion barked a laugh, head tilted up before he looked her in the eye again. “You’re joking, right?”

“I’m really not. Have you seen those soccer mom tiktoks?” This wasn’t nearly as funny as her cousin thought.

“You’re okay with putting your body through excruciating pain and cleaning explosive diarrhea, but you draw the line at becoming a soccer mom?”

“Yes.”

He guffawed again, now drawing the attention of the people from the surrounding tables. Aelin just sat there, trying not to smile at her cousin’s dramatic reaction and waiting for him to come back.

Her grin widened when the waitress came with their lunch before she got hangry. Aedion could be absolutely insufferable sometimes, but he deserved good company.

Aelin cleared her throat. “Did you buy a new washing machine?”

His broke down this week, and Philippa kept complaining about Aedion’s lack of laundry skills over and over after the one time he washed his clothes at Orlon’s, two days ago.

“Nope, I’m trying to fix it again tomorrow.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Like when you ‘fixed’ your ceiling fan and now it only works with the lights on?”

He stuffed his mouth with food and refused to answer.

Aelin continued, “You need to stop finding random things in your house to fix and find another boyfriend. Or girlfriend, whatever. You’re pathetic when you’re single.”

“YoU’rE pATHeThIc wHeN yOu’RE sinGLe,” Aedion mimicked with a high-pitched voice.

She rolled her eyes and set an alarm for when her lunchtime would need to end. It might be an Ashryver thing, but it was really easy to lose track of time when she had so many things to bicker about with her cousin.

˜˜

The floor was so shiny Aelin could barely believe most of the people inside this building were kids.

It better be, she thought when she remembered the price tag that came with it. Maisie better go straight to college after finishing preschool, because it was really hard to believe Aelin and Rowan were paying that much for their kid to learn letters and count to 20.

She took a deep breath. Aelin would pay as much as she could if it meant her daughter wouldn’t be yelled at. This was better than the Air Force school, even if was a much longer drive from home.

After last week’s incident, Uncle Orlon told them to file a formal complaint and let him deal with the rest. By the look on his face, Lieutenant Valg would not go unpunished, and this was enough. Aelin couldn’t do anything more without facing consequences because of her rank, so now she wanted to focus on the present. Which now meant Maisie’s teacher, that she was about to meet.

She heard hurried footsteps on one side of the hall and thanked Mala it was Rowan.

He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not too late, am I?”

Her eyes zeroed on what he was wearing, though.

“Seriously? You didn’t even change out of the uniform?”

“I don’t have a whole team of co-workers ready to cover for me,” Rowan sneered.

Yes, he did. He swapped schedules with Fenrys all the time.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “It’s not like your job is hard.”

“Excuse me?” He snarled.

“And you don’t even do it well! There’s so many ways to torture a eighteen-year-old, and you choose push-ups? Seriously?”

They heard a loud throat clearing and whipped towards the sound. It was a brunette holding a binder, wearing a long dress and sneakers.

“You’re Maisie’s parents, right?” She shook both of their hands. “I’m Borte Arcas, her teacher.”

It was like Aelin’s whole face was lighting on fire. Of all the ways this introduction could’ve gone, being caught mid-fight was not one she hoped for.

They didn’t get the chance to properly meet the teacher the day they enrolled Maisie here, this Monday, because her daughter was only supposed to get to know the school. But when Mais saw her cousin through the class’ window, she walked in without asking and decided she was staying. Just like that. Later that day, the teacher sent an email introducing herself, leaving her phone number if they needed anything, and inviting both of them to meet on Friday, after she got to know Maisie a little better.

And there they were, sitting side by side in a large office while Ms. Arcas turned the AC on in front of them.

“Do you need anything?” She asked. “Water, coffee, cappuccino…”

“A cappuccino would be great.” Aelin gave her a small smile.

The teacher turned to Rowan. “You?”

“Just water, thanks.”

After everything was settled, Ms. Arcas spent some time getting to know them before discussing Maisie. She was getting more comfortable with the class each day, loved story time, took part in group games. It was good for the ego, hearing the teacher talk about her daughter this way. Not that Aelin didn’t know already that her daughter is awesome, but her chest was bursting with pride right now.

Mais was only a little behind on reading compared to her classmates, but Ms. Arcas said this isn’t a big concern yet because every kid has their own timing.

She closed the binder with Maisie’s info. “There’s only two more things I wanted to discuss...” she bit her lip. “This week, during one activity, Maisie said that her favorite drink is wine.”

“What?” Aelin blurted, feeling her cheeks redden and Rowan’s shocked gaze on her. “It’s not! It’s…” one deep, long breath followed by a nervous smile. She was going to kill her daughter.

“Sometimes Maisie sees me drinking wine. Not every day, and not too much, really. Just a glass.” She grimaced. “Maybe two. Anyway.”

Aelin scratched the back of her head, wondering if she was digging a hole for herself. She didn’t care about what people thought of her wine habits, but wanted to make a good impression on Maisie’s teacher.

She continued, “Sometimes she asks to drink too, it ends with huge meltdown, so one day I gave her grape juice and told her it’s wine. She loves it. We sip together.”

Rowan’s head whipped towards her, eyes wide. “You lie to her?”

“You give her fruit and tell it’s dessert,” Aelin argued.

The teacher cleared her throat again. Loudly.

“Sorry,” they mumbled under their breaths.

Ms. Arcas looked at her watch. “I just need her to not influence other kids to drink ‘wine’. The last thing I wanted to talk about before we wrap this up…” she took some sheets of paper from the binder and spread them on the desk between them.

“Maisie seems pretty fond of drawing.”

“Especially on my walls,” Rowan said between a small smile.

The teacher nodded. “Have you tried to analyze them?”

Aelin frowned. “We do that thing where we comment on them so she feels seen.”

“That’s really good.” Ms. Arcas nodded, brows furrowed. “But some drawing of her really brought to my attention—”

“Is this her riding a dog?” Aelin took one sheet of paper from the table to examine it closer.

Rowan scooted closer, frowning. “I think it’s a unicorn. Look at the horn.”

Aelin sighed affectionately, heart warming just to see her daughter’s drawing. “She does have an artist’s soul, doesn’t she?”

Rowan smiled. “She’s a little Picasso.”

Ms. Arcas watched their interruption with a polite smile before continuing, “You know, kids draw about what they see, so sometimes the drawings tell us a lot about what’s going on inside their heads. So I brought these she made this week…” the teacher reorganized the drawings, placing most of them back in a pile and putting another few in evidence.

“These are…” Aelin tilted her head. The sticky figures looked a bit scary in them, but she couldn’t quite place what was wrong with them.

“Every time Maisie draws you two together, you seem angry. This one, for example,” Ms. Arcas explained while showing them, “You both have your mouths open, hands up. And do you see how big you two look? You’re taking most of the page, while Maisie herself looks very tiny here in the corner.”

Aelin felt like time stopped, her entire world freezing and narrowing down to that drawing.

It couldn’t be.

Maisie knew that she and Rowan weren’t friends, but she wouldn’t have picked up that much, right?

“As you can see, this hostile environment is a recurrent theme. I talked about it with Maisie, though is not uncommon to see kids drawing such things,“ the teacher went on, “But I think this might be a reason to that delay in her reading skills we talked about.”

“You told us it’s normal,” Aelin insisted, defeated yet defensive.

“It is for some kids, but it also could be related,” she softly explained.

“So, you mean…” Rowan looked down, furrowing. He rubbed his likely sweaty hands against the front of his pants before looking back at the teacher. “I’m not sure I’m following.”

She gave him a weak smile before confirming, “I’m just letting you know that Maisie is aware of your hostility towards each other, and it may be affecting her performance at school.”

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@superspiritfestival

@swankii-art-teacher

@s-uppertime

@thegreyj

@violet-mermaid7

@wishfulimaginings

#rowaelin #throne of glass #rowaelin fanfic #rowan whitethorn #aelin x rowan #aelin galathynius #look at us now

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thebramblewood · 9 months ago

Note

How about 10, 13, 20? 😊

10. Is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? Is there a definitive end?

Yes to a definitive end (if it still works after all is said and done). Absolutely the fuck not to having it all planned out! I have maybe 6-10 more scenes fully planned before we start getting into unknown territory. There will definitely need to be some brainstorming sessions in my future, but I kind of enjoy the thrill of not fully knowing what comes next (so far, at least). It's allowed me to weave in a bunch of ideas that wouldn't have made it otherwise!

13. From basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you?

It depends! If I can't avoid making poses or decorating or (God forbid) building, it'll probably take at least a full week to finish all that prep. If I just need to dress Sims up and easily find suitable lots and poses, it's more like a day or two of getting things ready. If it's a super simple one, I might only need a few minutes to prep because I'll just plunk in my folders of conversation and reaction poses and hope for the best. Taking pictures itself averages about two hours for me. Editing is a dipping in and out all day thing, so I'm not sure how long it actually takes. The scenes that have required the most prep so far were the Oasis Springs tarot card reading, the Vatores' vampire bash, and Caleb's Magic Realm flashbacks.

20. Choose your favorite shot from your story so far.

Recency bias is definitely coming into play, but here are two that immediately sprang to mind.

The first one because I found the perfect angle by accident (though I'll always be inordinately annoyed that I forgot Emilia's broomstick accessory, which we'd probably barely be able to see anyway - but I just know it's not there). The second one because Caleb looks so sweet and untroubled, which both breaks and heals my heart. 😭

#asks #ask game #thank you alexis!!

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thornnii · 1 year ago

Text

⏤ ✦ pasta?

genre: fluff, domestic wordcount: 0.8K pairing: Yelena Belova x fem!reader pronouns: she/her other: takes place after Hawkeye with Yelena still in NY, roommate!au/flatmate!au, can be read as romantic or platonic warnings: swearing, talk of hunger, food and eating summary: having a stay-in night with Yelena thorn's notes: originally posted 29/Sep/2022; edited. ↳ I want to apologise for the slow update, I've been in London on holiday and didn't have my laptop with me to be able to post.

⏤ return to old post masterlist

It was late in New York but nowhere near dark; New York was seemingly never dark, or quiet for that matter, however the louder daytime noises of tourists and busy stores had now mostly died away. It was nearing the end of February now so it was as cold but not as it could've been, however it was still pretty fucking cold. That's why tonight Y/N and Yelena were staying indoors. The night started with the two roommates doing their own things; Y/N sat on the sofa reading and Yelena... Yelena wasn't actually in the apartment, she'd been complaining of feeling restless all day and had decided to go to the local 24-hour gym to finally blow off the steam.

Yelena had made sure to keep Y/N updated on her movements throughout the city, texting her updates about what she was doing; her run to the gym, when she'd arrived, when she'd taken a brief break, and now that she had left the gym and was on her way home.

In all honesty, Y/N thought Yelena was nuts for going out in this weather. She knew she'd encouraged Yelena to find an outlet for her antsiness but she'd thought the blonde would find things to occupy herself with around the apartment rather than brace the biting weather of a New York winter. Oh well.

A rattle came from the front door of the apartment, before it was pushed open to reveal Yelena whom was armed with two cups of steaming hot coffee. The strong smell of the hot beverage suddenly reminded Y/N that she hadn't actually eaten a proper dinner yet, however the thought was pushed away as Yelena held out one of the warm coffee cups to the girl curled up on the couch. Y/N took the drink graciously and mumbled out a thanks to Yelena, who had decided to sit opposite her on the floor, while Yelena filled Y/N in on what she had seen while she'd been out.

Midway through one of Yelena's stories however, Y/N's stomach gave a loud rumble, bringing back the fact that the girl had yet to have her evening meal. Embarrassed by the disruption Y/N tried to get Yelena to continue her story however Yelena refused to move on.

"Have you not had dinner yet?" Yelena asked, confused.

"Um, no. No, not yet." Y/N admitted reluctantly feeling sheepish under Yelena's gaze "Originally it was because I was waiting for you to get home but then I just completely forgot. Until I smelt that coffee that is."

Yelena just nodded before rising to her feet and making her way to the small kitchen of the apartment.

"What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm making us food." Yelena stated matter-of-factly before returning to rummaging through cupboards "What would you like?"

"Nothing big, I guess, I'm truly not that hungry" Yelena nodded in understanding before pulling out a bag of pasta, holding it up as a silent question of 'what about this?'

"Pasta would be great." Y/N agreed with a smile.

Turning around, Yelena got to work.

Roughly 10 minutes later the food was done and Yelena was sharing the pasta between two bowls. During this time Y/N had moved to sit at the wooden dining table that stood between the kitchen and the living room to keep her roommate company.

Yelena set the bowls on the table between the two of them, before moving back into the kitchen to retrieve sauces and toppings "Which bowl do you want?"

Y/N chose her bowl as Yelena returned to the table to set everything down, successfully managing to bring everything over at once. Garnishing the food didn't take long for either of the girls however Y/N did have to do a double take at just how much hot sauce Yelena was putting on her pasta. Making a mental note to add hot sauce to the grocery list, Y/N moved back to the couch to eat her meal in comfort, Yelena following close behind. As the two settled down under one of their many thick blankets, Y/N grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table, turning on Netflix so that they wouldn't be eating in silence.

"What do you wanna watch?" Y/N asked as she scrolled through her recommended watches.

"That new film that I have been seeing a lot about. It has Maya Hawke in it." the blonde was clicking her fingers in frustration as she tried to remember the name of the film before giving a cry as she remembered it. "Do Revenge".

Switching to the search bar, Y/N found the film quickly and soon the opening credits had begun. The girl held her bowl of pasta close to her as she ate and watched, absorbing the warmth radiating off the food, a cosy feeling spread throughout the apartment as Yelena commented, "This is nice."

"Yeah. Yeah it is."

#thornnii’s old posts #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #mcu x reader #yelena black widow #yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #x reader #x fem!reader #x female #yelena fluff #platonic!yelena belova

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delphidewirests · 30 days ago

Text

Productivity Journey

Today was different. Woke once at night. Because of this menstrual cup, emptied it, and it made me happy. Because I saw that I was bleeding a lot. It meant my uterus was feeling healthy. I felt good about that.

I am not happy about my inhaler routine. Due to the memory issues, I am trying to reduce the disturbing doses. But not too much that I cannot take pressure anymore. I don't know what will help me and how to proceed about it. Everything seems foggy and disturbing. I hope I find proper light and way and companion.

Day 4 - 26/10/2024

Things I am proud of/happy about -

Took my time, slept really well. Didn't hurry to reach within time.

Had a bath. Brushed.

Taught a class. Took tests.

Didn't disrespect the students when conflict arose.

Went to an exhibition, and could make myself vulnerable to the intention of the exhibition. I hope they continue working like that.

Posted two posts about the said exhibition with pictures.

Came home, did some necessary communications. Scheduled some meetings.

Ate.

Did Spanish on Duo.

Watched a documentary.

Did some journaling. (Lot of articulation)

Bought new file of the nasal spray. (Which I was delaying for so long)

I was really happy about the exhibition! ♥

Things that I am not proud of/happy about -

I reach 25 minutes later than the decided time.

I lost 10 rupee because the driver didn't have change. Irritability.

Skipped lunch. Had chai and bread, roadside.

I was lost all day. Forgot to collect one rupee change from one shop. Almost forgot having the chai I had paid for.

My body gets exhausted really REALLY quickly now. (Do I start writing my obituary?)

The whole evening got hay-wired.

Couldn't read a single page.

Took only one dose of inhalers.

Another thing I love about this is how, I keep remembering things I did today after I have posted and go back to edit. ♥

#100 days of productivity #study motivation #lifewithasthma #motivation study motivation energy #studyblr #study space #trying to hold it together #trying to hold myself accountable #studying #lecturer

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k0k1ch1111 · 9 months ago

Note

Plsss tell us about ur oc Hoshiko!

AGH!!! AAA!

Alr alr lemme copy the info I just edited into the previous post and then I can add extra !!!

This is a dice insert oc so main part IA about her and ouma ♡♡

Tgey met when they were both 8, hoshiko was making a mad dash away from her old orphanage and she jumped a wall and her dress got caught on a point part of the fence and when she ran she fell face first into his back and knocked him over onto the floor and almost got trampled by the other dice members She literally looks up from the ground and sees herself surrounded by a bunch of 7-12 year Olds in creepy clown masks and basically clutches her purse thinking she's gonna be robbed amd starts freaking the fuck out like "DONT TELL THEM I RAN AWAY PLEAXE DONT TAKE ME BACK I DONT WANNA GO!" ans starts spiraling into oblivion while ouma (8) is like stomping his feet throwing a hissy fit over her knocking her over and knocking his mask offMeanwhile some of the older (12 yr old) members are helping separate them hoshiko looks at him and is like oh my GOD he's so cool!?!??! (He isnt) she makes an attempt to ask who they are and gets a response of like "were a SECRET EVIL CRIME GROUP and were SUUUPER BAD so you CANT JOIN US 😡😡" and he makes them all run away, but forgets his silly little mask. Which she grabs and stashes in her bag, then runs after them Once she catches up she basically has been yelling after them for like 10 minutes so her voice is honestly kinda shot and she like whisper screams "you forgot ur scary mask thing!!!!" To which she gets a like begrudging "ugh... thanks :///" because In my opinion ouma is very picky when it comes to friends, it's either love or hate and she hasn't made it on the good list yet so all she was is a stranger who PUSHED HIM!! (Faceplanted)She she looks around at this group of people and suddenly tye urge to join them.hits her like a brick and she immediately asks if she can be their friend (which earns her a few smiles) and ouma kinda just... glares at her like :/// what do you add to the group ://///Little does anyone rlly know she's a very talented little pickpocket and she does a little rudimentary trick and steals something outta his pocket and that's her ticket in :>

Ok now onto more

Her first true friends in dice were 2 of the girls from the dice portrait in v3 (brown hair girl and blonde twintail girl. I named them Mika and Yui.)

She rlly wanted to get along with ouma but he made an effort t9 avoid her for a few days after she joined bc he was still annoyed that she made him trip and look stupid

He kinda started seeing her as a talented liar and a good person to be around when she started showing admiration for him

Like when she was designing her little uniform she decided to wear her scarf like he does because "it's suuuuper cool :]"

she proved herself to be a good thief and a pretty good liar so she ended up being the go to for schemes when her and ouma became friends

She has a very codependent personality so she puts like all her trust in him (mistake)

Other members warn her about it but she's already too deep in and starts mirroring his personality until it sets in and they're super similar to each other

Some silly little details I think about with her and ouma specifically

After they get close and hoshi becomes more of his like. Right hand man / second in command they end up talking a lot

Ik it's cliche as hell but they don't rlly lie that much to each other bc they can see through eachothwts bullshiy there's no point

As more group members join they try and split responsibility over like. Group chores.

They both have a commanding presence so whenever they like. Sneak into an abandoned apartment complex for shelter they kinda split responsibility with how to organize it

Theyre kinda sibling like but they aren't rlly related they just look similar

She has an insane amount of shit on him it's not even funny

Id love to write more silly hcs or stuff about her in her respective KG at a later point ♡♡

#oc #danganronpa fangan #kokichi ouma #phantom lore #Phantom asks :]#hoshiko kimura #Talking about her is so fun #It makes me so giggle and kick my feet #I grin like a moron

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smalife1234 · 1 month ago

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What made me smile this week?

Monday, 10/14/24 - Hey everyone, today I had a doctor's appointment regarding my eyes; we had postponed it for two months, so today is finally the day! I woke up pretty early in the morning and got dressed and ready ( and I forgot to tell y'all I got my period on Sunday, October 13th). I track this for my endocrinologist. After I got dressed, we waited for a while until they had to go to school; I mainly watched YouTube videos the whole time, lol, and then we headed out the door around 1:05 p.m. We got to the doctor's office around 1:30 and then we filled out some information sheets and got that completely done and checked off we waited for a while and then the doctor called us in and we went back, the first test was a glaucoma test that was common for me but they had a different handheld device! Which was pretty cool and I might actually think that it was a bit better than the old machine I got! Then I did the hot air balloon test (which I don't know what that test was), but I got through that. Then we headed back to the eye testing room where I had my eyes tested to see how much I could see! Well, I have some unfortunate news: my eyes have gotten way worse, and I have astigmatism! But thankfully, that did not deter me from having a good day, so I enjoyed the rest of my afternoon, and my friends brought my snacks! Today was a very busy day but it sure did make me smile!

Tuesday, 10/15/24 - today, I came back to school after having my eye doctor appointment. I went to first, and I have a few handouts and a few assignments! Nothing big so don't worry! I got one done that I had worked pretty hard on, so hopefully, that's good enough for today! Then, in the second period, I had gotten a handout packet from Monday and got both done! I worked really hard on them! (Trying to really sum up this week so I can fit it into one YouTube post lol) Then in the third period, we didn't even have to go because we had a very big event that the school had never held before! It was kindergartens who came to our college and came in the field and we got to hang out with them! We had an awesome time! But sadly, the event didn't end well, and Emmie overheated and had a bad headache for a while! And then the kindergarten students started crying because they missed us, poor kids! But they are graduating from our college in 2037! Wow, we're graduating 2025! Then, in fourth, we worked on some new packets and just got an instruction paper on how to do a section of what we're writing. We chilled in her class for a bit, and then it was time to leave. We were glad we finally got to leave school! But we found out about a new dish schedule today! We have to do the dishes every Tuesday and Friday! This is way better than any other bull crap schedule we're on (which I'll give you a hint none of) lol, but we enjoyed the rest of our night, and it made me smile!

Wednesday, 10/16/24 - today is a half day woo hoo! Today, I had my 52 rounds of chemotherapy! Which went well! Before then, I had edited a lot on Tuesday, at least 4 or 3 hours worth, so please watch the vlog! I put a lot of hard work into it! Then, in the first period, we had to do more assignments, and I got a larger assignment done! I'm planning just to do all the online assignments, then the hand-outs, and then the modeling on the mannequin! Then, in the second period, we had to do a worksheet that involved drawing Lewis models of different elements on the periodic table! I got that finished, and thankfully, it was something we just needed to put in our notebook. For the third, we did a worksheet and some notes! And then we chilled for the rest of class hearing about a new unit we were heading into! Then, in the fourth period, we got some notes, and then we got to work on our paper for 30 minutes! Yay! So we got that done. And then we headed home. We enjoyed a nice night at home, and it made me smile! And to add, Donny and Willam adopted a son who is named Ethan, and he is 5 years old! I had a feeling that they were telling me it was a “friend,” but that made me smile!

Thursday, 10/17/24 - today, we woke up pretty early and just did a workout. After the workout, we headed out the door, and then we went on the bus, and Emmie and I realized we had forgotten our computer bag! Thankfully, our computer was in our backpack, so we had our computer, but we did not have all our papers! But thankfully, we were ok during the whole day. During the first period, I worked on an online assignment and finished it! Then, In the second period, I worked on a drawing of Lewis Bond model paper, got it done, and uploaded a picture! Then, in the third period, I worked on an assignment for a crime case, and it was a very long packet, but I got it fully done! Then in the fourth period, we worked on some assignments but Mrs church was being extra mean by saying why we had to make a simple thing so complicated with a face and then towards our friend Stacy when she had 3 finger straps but Mrs church didn't believe her and she said “I don't wanna hear it” making a face. So that wasn't good, but we survived the class and enjoyed the day! And today made me smile!

Friday, 10/18/24 - today is Friday! Yay, it's close to the weekend. Today, I worked on more online assignments on my computer and worked on a description for a YouTube video we uploaded a little while back! Then, in the second period, I worked on a paper assignment and got that done! And then I chilled until the third, where I worked on a web quest, and just in the nick of time, I got it done! Then, in the fourth period, I worked on some notes before we had to go to a big ol’ pep rally that we were having. The whole Pepe rally was fun, and we did enjoy the event until we got on the bus and found out it was our bus driver's last day! We hugged her when we got off, and I certainly Really enjoyed her being our bus driver! Then we chilled at home and today made me smile!

Saturday, 10/19/24 - today, was a very eventful day! The morning was pretty chill, and we enjoyed sitting down and watching. Then, shortly in the afternoon, our friend Nicole came over! Out of nowhere so, we got to hang out with her for a bit, and it made me smile! Fast forwarding to the night of craziness! We went to homecoming, which was our first homecoming we went it was going on from 8:00 P.m. to 11:00 P.m.! So many hours, we had a blast, There was loud music playing, and many people came up to us and complimented our outfits! And we danced with us we had a really fun time, and our friends got engaged!! I'm so happy for them, and we basically had a really busy and fun night. Sadly, we did overheat, and our friends Luz and Donny kept gagging and were lying on the floor, so that was fun! (Kidding) But we did enjoy the majority of the night and it made me smile!

Sunday, 10/20/24 - thankfully today was a bit more chill! Well, the morning wasn't I woke up around 10:00 Am which is very late for me because of the Homecoming event that wasn't the stressful bit though, our friends had randomly texted us that they were going to a fair and that they wanted us to come along, and we barely got plans so we had to ask our parents, of course, they were uncomfortable with the idea we respect that and we were fine that didn't let us go this time because we we're already very tired from the Homecoming Event so we enjoyed the day and we got to watch many subway surfers ads! Edited the video that's coming out at 7:00 P.m. today! I edited that for about 3 hours, which is fun lol, but I got it done, and although some bits of today were stressful, most of the day made me smile!! Now the most important Question ⁉️

What made you smile this week?

Img desc #1: Emmie Is seen in an accessible bathroom. She is seen in a tuxedo and looking very red. She is wearing a pair of black sunglasses on her face.

Img desc #2: doc is seen in a restaurant smiling with a plate of food near her knees. She is smiling while wearing a grey/green short-sleeved shirt and brown shorts while her atrophied arms and hands rest on the the joystick of her electric wheelchair.

Img desc #3: Emmie's hand is seen at homecoming the picture is blurry with red and green lights.

Img desc #4: doc is seen smiling near a kitchen counter while wearing a white and black striped long-sleeved shirt and dark brown baggy pants along with white shoes. She is seen smiling while wearing a pair of thin metal glasses on her face, her Atrophied hands resting on her lap near her phone.

Img desc #5: doc is seen smiling while in a pink long-sleeved buttoned-up shirt and black skinny jeans. Her arms are crossed over one another, and she is smiling while sitting in her electric wheelchair.

Img desc #6: doc is seen smiling while wearing a white short-sleeved shirt and beige-colored pants; she has a pair of thin metal glasses on her face she is sitting in her electric wheelchair.

Img desc #7: the mascot at the Pepe rally is seen dancing along with the band playing on October 18th.

Img desc #8: doc is seen smiling with her hand under her chin as she is eating. She is wearing a grey long-sleeved shirt.

Img desc #9: doc is seen smiling while in a darkish room, she is smiling while in a Hawaiian-themed orange short-sleeved shirt with her hands under her chin (this is a method she uses to eat as she has a weak jaw). She has a pair of thin metal glasses on her face.

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theelf-online · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 8,105 times in 2022

That's 5,307 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (0%)

8,092 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-not-witch-time-forgot

@catgirldick

@malewifeandgirlboss

@ranboocore

@myaphelion

I tagged 882 of my posts in 2022

#blockmen - 462 posts

#osha violation - 93 posts

#homestuck (/neg) - 11 posts

#actually blockwomen - 10 posts

#me - 8 posts

#original post - 7 posts

#ok to reblog - 5 posts

#minecraft - 5 posts

#minecraft texture pack - 4 posts

#for -c - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#also its proven sex education helps prevent csa because it gives people the knowledge to recognize it and i think thats extremely important

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

0 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

Hi! I’m @cosmic0artist and you wrote sweet tags on my miraculous ladybug redesign of Adrien that made me very happy so thank you haha! I never post here anymore but your lil comment means a lot :3

Aww this is so sweet! Absolutely made my day, thank you.

1 note - Posted July 20, 2022

Shitty Rice Pudding

I want to have a place to send people when they ask about how I make the shitty rice pudding. Literally the only reason, I am not a chef clearly. It tastes like horchata so that's a bonus too. If you leave out the cornstarch it's still very good but it's basically rice in hot milk so... cereal?

Old Rice from the fridge (a bowlful, the measurements are very unspecific), Milk, usually enough to cover most of the rice but not completely, if you have it Heavy Whipping Cream, some Honey depending on how sweet you want it, Vanilla Extract, a bit of Cinnamon, and a very small spoonful of Cornstarch.

Add the rice and honey and if there's cream the cream to it, if not, just a bit of the milk and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds to melt the honey if it's solid and also warm the rice up to de-clump it.

After that just declump, the back of a spoon works great. Mix it together, add cinnamon, vanilla extract, and the rest of the milk, toss it back in the microwave for like a minute (both the times might depend on your microwave, make sure you watch it so the milk doesn't like, bubble over and make a mess)

Add cornstarch, mix very well, you don't want clumps lol, then put it back in for 30 seconds (again, watch to make sure it doesn't bubble over)

After you take it out mix again and let it cool to an edible temperature, it'll probably be too hot when it first comes out, it'll solidify a bit as it cools.

Enjoy.

7 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

Ya boi finally got a cane! Finally got around to going to the medical supply store and it was way easier than I was expecting. My anxiety was definitely making it seem worse than it was, it was literally just in and out. Other than being new to using it and uncoordinated, it made a huge difference on the way back home.

[Image ID in Alt Text]

10 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tired of the antisemitic caricatures in Minecraft?

It's well known the villagers, illagers, and witches in Minecraft are stuck with an incredibly antisemitic design that despite hope, will probably never be changed. I've looked for a resource pack that only changed those elements (keeping the base game look), and was non-optifine friendly, but found none, so I made my own.

So I introduce Antisemitism Begone!

(Version 1.19 but should work for all versions that include the redesigned villagers) It's far from a perfect solution, but it satisfies my main personal annoyances (I am Jewish myself), and I'm certainly open to any improvements that can be made.

Unfortunately, there's many things I wish I could change but am unsure how (such as re-naming the golems to constructs, or changing how the Ominous Banner looks), but my knowledge only goes so far, and I'm pretty clueless when it comes to these things. So for now it's only visual elements that are changed. If I figure out how to do these things in the future I will certainly update it.

(Edit as of 10/9/22) I have figured out how to change the name from Golems to Constructs. Currently supported languages are English (US/UK), Spanish (Spain/Mexico) and German.

Below the Read More are Images of changes (ID in alt text) and a list of changes made.

See the full post

4,402 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 2 years ago

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Further thanks for today's delivery because we really needed it!

Now, I need to share a little tidbit with y'all when it comes to food, so you understand something. So, we get these little lunches from the Salvation Army, and these dinners from a local Catholic church. The dinners come in little brown paper bags and they usually have a sandwich/pull-tab chili can, a baggy of 2 homemade cookies, a packet of cheese crackers, 1 Slim Jim, 1 fruit cup/pudding cup, and 1 chilled bottle of water. I thought they just had the water and main food option, but mom tells me, 'Go through Dave's shit, he's been stealing from the bags.'

So despite Bethy not staying with us, we still say we have 4 ppl in our family so we get that extra serving of stuff to save for breakfast. Dave has been going through all the bags before bringing them back, and stealing everything but the sandwiches and cans of chili because they typically taste bad. He had an entire stash of fruit snacks, Slim Jims, pudding cups, bags of chips, baggies of oatmeal cookies, cheese AND peanut butter crackers, a bunch of candy, and even mini cans of fruit. All of this hidden. Mom made me take all of it and split it up between her and I. She then called him out and how he eats nonstop while we go hungry.

You wonder why I don't pity him or the fact that his stupid leg hurts and that he can't get surgery? His fat ass was told to lose 50lbs so he doesn't die on the table. They cannot risk it otherwise. He does shit like this and then spends his day whining to anyone who will pick up the phone, that it's unfair how he can't get this surgery and how he just can't seem to lose weight.

To make it worse, he was stopping at food banks and getting himself pies and scones and all kinds of donated pastries as snacks but not any actual food we could all partake in. He had so much more shit he was trying to hide under that stupid chair and much of it had expired cuz he was hiding it and forgot about it.

This message to my mom was not a joke. I made this original post for a reason.

This was the less detailed version of a post in my Drafts that I never shared.

These were the full contents including what he ate at those times I gave mom:

Ate dinner at 5:32(chicken and mashed potatoes)

Pulled out a bag of chips(??) at 6:07

Pulled out a different bag of chips(??) at 6:20

Pulled out the 1st bag of chips again at 7:10

Pulled out a BabyRuth(?? ew) at 7:49

Pulled out and finished the 2nd bag of chips at 8:31

Pulled out a bag of cookies(??) he dipped in milk at 9:05

Pulled out a slice of carrot cake from the food bank at 9:47

Got himself second helpings from dinner at 10:07

Pulled out that 1st bag of chips and finished it at 10:32

Pulled out chocolate-covered cherries(from where??) at 11:39

An uncooked potato with salt at 12:18 AM

Pulled out some cookies at 1:28

I now understand how he manages to keep eating and eating despite how we had no money for food for weeks. Mind you, my frustration all stems from having to hear him. If he was quiet or at least ate like a normal person, I wouldn't be hyper aware of his eating habits. But now I am aware and I have no pity for him. Mom's even taken to 'what are you eating now?' whenever he grabs something. He's managing less than 30 minutes between each time he shoves something in his mouth.

It's like he just doesn't care that we're homeless. He just wants to look after himself only.

Don't even get me started on the money situation.

EDIT: Added for extra context. I mentioned mom knowing he's been cheating for months and Bethy narking on him a while back. He is not starving. He eats more than any of us because his side piece feeds him full meals. He then has the audacity to pull all of this even then.

I was encouraged to make one of these by two of my friends, so here we are.

I have like 4 things on here because I don't really have an idea of what should be here. We're homeless so anything would be useful but I'm thinking about whenever we're stuck in the van with nothing to eat. It has to be quick and easy to get our hands on, so nothing that requires a microwave or fridge basically.

EDIT: Updated.

#poverty #homelessness

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oh-my-may · 2 years ago

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Akaashi, Nishinoya, Kuroo and Oikawa react to you wearing their jacket

requested: HI! I really like you writing style. So could you do one with Akaashi, Noya, Kuroo, Oikawa, separately, where their s/o gets cold and wears their jacket and they think it's cute and all. Thank you very much!

A/N: I love wholesome requests like this haha, ty for requesting it! This is my first post in over a year lol so my writing has changed... Also this got longer than expected? Enjoy, hopefully I could fulfill your idea c:

Also I have some more drafts waiting to be posted. had a random spurt of motivation and inspiration recently and worked on some requests, idk if I'm gonna do more but if u wanna tell me something then request are open!

Also: This and future hq requests will take place in the timeskip!

pairings: Akaashi Keiji x reader, Nishinoya Yuu x reader, Kuroo Tetsuro x reader, Oikawa Tooru x reader

gender neutral! reader

warnings: none

genre: fluff!

Akaashi Keiji:

He just wanted to go in quickly, get those documents he forgot and then come back out. It would take no longer than three minutes, he said to you after you surprised him after work to pick him up and get some food. You sighed as you looked at the clock on your phone. It’s been over 10 minutes now. Your eyes landed on Keiji’s stuff he dropped immediately the second it hit him that he’d forgotten something. There was his satchel and also his jacket, dropped mindlessly atop the waist-high wall you leaned on as you waited. You weren’t mad or anything. It’s been a few troublesome days for him because at work they got a batch of new stuff to edit and he often had to work afterhours. So today you came by to make sure he got off work on time, which he did. Only now it was getting cold on this fall evening and you regretted picking only a thin jacket to protect you from the wind. It would have been alright if you could have gotten on the train right away, sheltered from the incoming evening wind. But now you stood in front of Keiji’s office, unprotected from the cold. You were left with no choice but to take his jacket. I mean, it was right there, with no owner, discarded to the side. So you took his coat and placed it over your shoulders and immediately felt better. Not just was it a lot warmer and more comfortable than your jacket choice, it also had this very nice lingering scent of your boyfriend’s cologne, so you buried your body even deeper into the soft fabric. “Looking comfortable.” Was a comment that came from behind you not long after and you turned around in surprise as you recognized it. Caught red-handed. But not really, because the look on Keiji’s face was anything but mad. Instead, he looked more vibrant and softer and more in love than you’ve ever seen him. “Missed me that much?” You wanted to smile but kept the act up, holding your chin up “Not my fault you left your jacket unprotected, Keiji.” Your eyes wandered over him and landed on the small folder in his hand. “Can we leave now?” Keiji followed your eyes and then came up to you, embracing your figure and kissing the top of your head. “Only if you keep looking this cute for the rest of the night, but I honestly have no doubts about that.”

Nishinoya Yuu:

“Ain’t this fun, Y/N? This is what life feels like!” Nishinoya declared triumphantly as he stood on the little motorboat he had rented, water droplets falling around and landing on the both of you. He shared the pose with some kind of triumphant statue of a historic hero you thought and wanted to grin at the thought, if only it weren’t so cold and rainy. You had imagined the weather to be slightly different when your boyfriend invited you on a boat trip on a river in Italy. You’d thought the country was known for warmth and sun and all that. However now it was a lot gloomier than that, with grey clouds hanging heavily in the sky and the water beneath you reflecting their dark grey colour in an even deeper shade. Yet, Yuu’s attitude made up for it and you wouldn’t wanna be in any other place in the world right now other than this both you were both on. “I’m glad you’re having fun.” You stated, speaking form your heart. Noya turned around in surprise at those solemn words. “Aw babe, you’re shaking! Can’t have that happen.” He left his position for a moment, letting the motor die down briefly to come up to you and rub your arms and press kisses all over your face. “Here, take my warmth.” You giggled. “Thanks, Yuu.” It was helping, if only a bit. “We’re almost there, promise. Just a little longer.” He pressed his lips on yours for a moment and then resumed his position as driver, the whole situation reminding you a little too much of High School, when he would kiss you the same way before leaving for practice. The cold was still lurking up to you, so you just grabbed the next best thing that seemed to help and in this situation this was your boyfriend’s neon green windbreaker jacket, that was way too big on both of you. Finally, you didn’t have to bother with the water droplets attacking you from all sides. “You look adorable, Y/N! My little lime!” You pouted at Noya but he just laughed, taking out his phone and trying to capture the moment at the same time as controlling the boat. Eventually, the weather cleared up but you didn’t take off the jacket, maybe because you actually enjoyed Noya’s new nickname for you or the fact that he was all over you, pecking your lips and pinching your cheeks like a distant relative would to a child.

Kuroo Tetsurou:

Helping your boyfriend moving into his new apartment was one thing. The fact that you had to stay over at the basically empty new apartment of his with nothing but the clothes you had on was another. “Sorry for the abrupt change of plans angel face, but I didn’t get it managed otherwise. The other alternative was having Bokuto stay over here alone and I really wouldn’t have wanted that.” This was the fifth time he’d uttered this apology today, so you could just shake your head. “How many times do I have to tell you that it’s fine, Tetsuro. As long as you’re here it’s fine. We’ll manage.” You fumbled with your hands in front of your body and moved back and forth on the heels of your shoes as Kuroo came up to you, reached his hand up to squish your cheeks and press a soft kiss to your squished up lips. “Love you, babe. It’s already late though, so get ready for bed. Catch me in the bathroom if you need something.” You hummed as response and watched him vanish in the afore mentioned room. You strolled through the room lazily with no goal in mind as you heard the shower go off. Because Kuroo was only just in the process of moving in things like wifi and warmth weren’t available yet. You rummaged through some of his moving boxes in search of an evening activity when the cold hit you. Leaving the windows open was a good idea earlier to get the smell of new apartment out of the room, but now it was basically freezing. You got up with a sigh and closed the window while you basically absentmindedly picked up an old training jacket of Kuroo’s to keep you warm. Only after putting it on did it hit you what you were wearing: His old volleyball club training jacket. It was washed out now, but the white letters of NEKOMA were still vibrant against the red fabric. You smiled to yourself and returned to your previous activity until Kuroo came out of the bathroom, spreading the smell of his shower gel in the new apartment. “Y/N! Feeling melancholic much?” You smiled at him. “Are you?” You got no answer though, as your boyfriend came up to you and bent down to give you the softest kiss you’ve received today. It took a while before you parted, he’d helped you stand up and now leaned his forehead against yours, hands wandering over your arms the fabric of his old uniform. “Not with you still with me, it still feels like back then.” You almost choked back tears then and pressed a kiss to the spot where his throat and jaw met. “Keep it.” He said, then. “You look way better in it than I ever have.”

Oikawa Tooru:

Visiting Tooru in Argetina was always an adventure, really. He was really busy so when he wasn’t home you often found yourself wandering the streets alone, befriending his neighbours and slowly learning the language, going shopping and trying new foods. So you often had to find a way through the streets of San José yourself, just like you had to today. “My love, practice got a bit longer so pick me up instead? Promise to take you out to eat too <33” was a message you had received from him not too long ago. Originally the plan was for him to pick you up from the apartment and then go to the beach and go eat something. Seems like things would have to change a bit now as you got ready for the evening. The sun was already setting now as you were about to leave to pick him up, the first plan was to catch the sunset at the beach. You sighed as you looked at yourself in the mirror now, thinking about the weather with one last glance out the window. It seemed unusually windy today, so better pack a jacket. But which one? You usually didn’t need them in Argentina, and the spare ones you had packed were all in the laundry, given that you would leave again not too far into the future. There was a small pang in your heart at the thought that you quickly dismissed then and just got to get one of Tooru’s jackets. He’d be unbearable seeing you in it, being all lovey-dovey with cheesy nicknames and way too many hugs and kisses, but today you thought you might be able to stand it with a smile. You arrived in front of the gym not too long after, seeing as Tooru specifically picked a place to stay that would be not too far from it. As you waited for practice to end and you boyfriend to come out of the glass door you were glad to have picked a jacket – it was more chilly than you’d expected, so you even moved to pull the paws of the jacket over your hands so your fingers wouldn’t get too cold during the waiting process. “Ah, mi amore, you look absolutely adorable my little Pokémon.” Two all too familiar arms wrapped around you from behind and pressed you close a body that was way warmer and bigger than yours. You smiled to yourself and reached behind to pat Tooru’s head. “Pokémon, huh?” Then you turned around to greet him with a kiss that he accepted with a wide smile. “You do share the colour with one in this.” He pointed at the jacket that, admittedly, looked a bit obnoxious with the yellow and purple pattern all over. Why did you pick this one again? “Can’t believe you run around looking like this, either.” “Ah, I could never ever look as cute as my adorable beloved Y/N-chan.” More kisses were pressed to your face and lastly on your hands, which he had captured before. He smiled at you now, the comedy completely gone from his face but instead taken over by gratitude. “Now let’s get you some food, can’t have you running around with cold hands like this, darling.”

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inkofyoonkoo · 3 years ago

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I gasp once, and in that breath, I accept you in | 2

🏵️ Wordcount: 34k 🏵️ Genre: Fluff/angst/smut | From strangers to lovers!AU • FWB!AU 🏵️ Jungkook x Reader 🏵️ Description: In which Jungkook arrives to your small town to spend the holidays, and you slowly let go of all the ghosts of your past 🏵️ Warnings: age difference (10 years gap, both characters are adults); mention of panic attack; characters death (not the main protagonists); 🏵️ [EDIT] I should’ve added it since the beginning but I totally forgot because I’m dumb. The little poems that open every scene aren’t mine (I’d give a finger to write that beautifully 💔): they’re Japanese poems I’ve found randomly, or belong to well-known writers -so to them goes all the credit. 🏵️ A/N: at first, I decided to split this oneshot into two parts. However, after debating with myself for days, I've decided to post this second chapter first, and a sort of epilogue separately (because in my mind, the true ending has always been this one since the very beginning). At the same time, though, I feel that whoever reads a story 60k long and gets affectionated to the characters deserves something worth the time spent. So, yeah, please be warned that a third and last part will be dropped some time in the next few days! Thanks to whoever read the first part and enjoyed it and let me know their opinion! Feel free to hmu if you want. Good read🐰

"With your name on my mouth And a kiss that never broke from yours"

You’d gladly spend the afternoon at home.

Big clouds float in an ocean of gray, threatening a thundershower since you’ve cracked your eyes open. You’d prefer being all safe and sound in a dry place when the rain will surely pour down.

But… it’s not just that.

Like a thorn plunged into your skin, there’s a creeping thought that mauls at your brain persistently from the moment your eyes laid upon the calendar, while you were sipping your morning coffee. You know, those sensations you get when the tiniest flap of skin and the most hidden bone seem to tell you that you’re forgetting about something extremely important -and, despite the hours are flying by so fast you can't barely feel time, your mind keeps drifting back to this tearing niggle when you distract yourself, although you really can’t remember what it is.

Every inch of you tells you that you should be at home, on your own, because today isn’t a day like any other…

But around 8:30 AM, Jungkook announced himself on the other side of your door -with a stuttered breath fluttering from his mouth and the cheekbones flushed, as if he finally found the courage to take some action and turn whatever was whirling in his head into reality. Between a rush of sheepish words that swoll the tenderness in your chest like a balloon, he told you that there’s a new place he’d like to show you, eyes shining brighter than the stars you two contemplated the night before, in the backyard of your home. And, if your first automatic reaction was to decline his invitation (you know the village like the back of your hand, nothing is new to you anymore), your heart could only give in to his genuine excitement.

You accepted his proposal with a tender smile because Jungkook’s euphoria is too beautiful to shatter it.

(Jungkook’s euphoria makes you forget about many important things…)

And so, here you are: climbing one of the many paths along the mountain that rises above your town, under a gray sky that threatens rain anytime soon…

“Stop. Enough. I can’t go on anymore.” Words escape from your mouth in a rough breath; it scrapes against your dry throat, making you cough a little.

Your legs shake for the uphill trail you've just crossed for about thirty minutes without interruption, you bend on your knees to ease your muscles a little (and avoid plummeting on the ground like a potato sack, sparing yourself the eventual embarrassment). Sweat drops glide down your temples, cover your forehead in shining diamonds gluing to the curls of hair that didn’t fit the tail. Still short of breath, you straighten yourself, the muscles in your thighs flex and burn for the mild effort. Your arms are heavy when you maneuver them to take off your backpack to toss it on the ground, before plopping down next to it.

You place your hands to the side, blades of grass stings in your palm as you take a good chunk in your fist. Swallowing thickly, you tilt your head back to catch some breath and quieten down the frantic beat of your weary heart, trying to ignore every pulsing inch of your body.

“Oh… already ?” Jungkook’s voice wafts over you in an amused melody that has your nose scrunching. But the giggle lingering in the air soon after is enough for your mouth to morph into a small smile. “You really are old, Noona .”

(Lately, Jungkook is using this suffix only when he has to mock you in a playful way; but in a certain sense, you're glad he isn't dropping this honorific title: it's a good enough way to ground you, reminding you that soon he’ll become just a boy you met on holiday -or you’ll become an older woman he met on holiday).

You arch your back as you put yourself into a stretched position, finally regaining some energy. “I’m not old, you little brat. I’m out of shape.” Your eyelids flutter up, ready to play along with his joke. However, words falter and wither in the back of your throat when you take notice of Jungkook’s intense stare, fixed on your figure.

He's taking in the sight of your breast, adhering to your tank top in a delicate bow. Running the tip of his tongue on his bottom lip, chewing at the corner with so much strength that the skin turns whiter, he sizes you up to your spread legs -eyes flattening out in a catlike curving that has a mild warmth tingling along your groin. Without ripping your gaze off his face, you squeeze them tightly (mostly to get rid of the itchy sensation rather than deprive him of this vision) and Jungkook seems to snap back down to earth, big doe eyes now pinned into your own -brows arched in an ominous sign of disappointment (and shame, probably for having been caught staring).

You should be uneasy, being observed like a prey at the mercy of a hunter. But something in Jungkook’s stillness makes you feel… alluring. Like he was only mentally listing down all the details that make you the woman you are, for him to perfectly reshape you in his mind when the pair of you will take different paths.

You almost forgot how it feels to be treated like a breathing work of art, and a part of you is desperately clinging to this magnificent sensation…

“Do you mind if we take a break? Only five minutes,” you mumble, laying on the grass before he could agree or nod.

A soft: “ Mhm ” is all you get in return, followed by light footsteps that close the gap between you and him (and that make your heart thump in a rhythmic tum tum tum reverberation in your ribcage). Jungkook situates himself beside you so that he can face you, uses his feet like a little cushion while rummaging through the backpack resting across from him with a little frown between his knitted brows. A tiny huff of proudness flies out his mouth when he finally finds the bottle of water, the plastic scrunches in his tight grip as he takes big gulps.

Tilting your head to the side in the slightest, you contemplate the drops of sweat shining on his honey-like skin, kissed by the feeble sunlight seeping through the big clouds moving fast above your heads. One, solitary drop rolls down the tip of a thin curl of hair stuck to his temple, sketches his jawline before gliding down his neck to disappear under the collar of his shirt already damp. Another drop is about to fall but he cleans it with the back of his hand before rubbing it on the cotton fabric of the garment, spots of sweat scattered all over it. You notice some faded scratch marks on the side of his neck where his tiny mole lays, probably because he rubbed the area too much (your fingers itch, they desperately want to run over it).

You both stay quiet for the remaining time. Jungkook focuses his attention on his camera, brows snapping together for concentration. He sometimes mumbles disapproving comments before erasing a photograph he doesn’t like -while his mouth pulls up in a proud curve when he likes the shot he took.

Jungkook, this Jungkook, is easy to read. It’s comforting.

“Hey, thank you for coming with me today.” His eyes are fixed on his camera when you gaze at him, enraptured by his low voice. “I know you’ve already seen this place, probably. But I wanted to visit it again with you because it's breath-taking, it reminded me of you and—" He nods a little, cheekbones tinged with a pink shade (you rest your hand on your stomach, trying to ignore the temptation to rest your palm on his face and brush your thumb along the flushed bone). "I - I mean, you might like it. So… yeah, thanks.”

You rack your brain frantically to search for a good response, but your mind keeps drifting back to the fact that he found something beautiful and worth seeing with you because it actually brought you back into his thoughts, which makes it difficult to focus.

“It’s ok. It’s been a while since I’ve gone hiking around the area. Somehow, it feels like it's the first time,” you manage to say, delivering him a small smile to reassure him. You stretch your tensed legs, eyelids flickering down to better enjoy this moment of quietness.

“Why did you stop hiking? The place here is beautiful.”

Because Namjoon loves hiking. You used to travel along the hiking roads with him. You sometimes got lost because, in a burst of boldness, you decided to follow paths with no indications along the way. You used to search for mushrooms, or just enjoy the chirp of birds seeping through the fronds. You used to watch the leaves changing color throughout the seasons rolling by, holding his hand into your own.

Everything seemed much more exciting, when Namjoon was here...

“It is. But after a while… I don’t know, it’s not so interesting anymore.” Of course, this is half of the truth. But you don’t want to talk about you and Namjoon crossing the same trail now marked with yours and Jungkook's footprints. It’d lead to an intimate conversation you aren’t ready to face, disclosing one of the billion memories you don’t want to share with anyone because they might get ruined.

Because Namjoon is yours -he is personal, and you don't want to share him with a boy who will leave soon.

“Oh… you must be bored, then." There's a light wobble of sadness in his voice, despite the little giggle seeped through his lips.

“I’m not." You take in a deep breath, chest cold for the fresh air just sucked in. "The good thing about stopping doing something for a long time is that it seems exciting when you do it again."

Jungkook pauses, his vague stare lost in the valley of grass opening before his eyes. “I know. When I lived in Seoul, I used to go back to Busan only for the holidays. I was so tired I tended to spend my days locked in my room, though." He scratches his nape. "But when I went back, after dropping out of college, I preferred wandering through the city rather than staying with my parents and… I don't know, but all those places that looked the same when I was little, they weren't so boring anymore." Bitterness morphs his mouth in a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Well, everything is more fascinating than parents holding a grudge against you…"

You open one eye, scrutinizing the shadow of gloom shaping his face in a grimacing mask. "Did they make you feel bad for leaving university?"

"A bit. A lot… they still do." You've noticed that if his parents call when the pair of you are together, he doesn't pick up the phone. You've always thought it was a kind gesture to respect the time you are sharing, but you start realizing that he doesn't want to face those conversations in front of you -or he doesn't want to face them in the first place. "They are one of the many reasons why I’m not so excited to go back to Busan."

You study the hint of sadness tugging at his features, wondering if you should delve more into this topic. The fact is that Jungkook doesn't seem prone to talk about the relationship with his parents, the hardships he went through after dropping out of college, and you don't know how further you can push yourself into his intimacy. You prefer being respectful of his privacy but, at the same time, you're aware that your behavior will only accentuates your I-don't-give-a-damn attitude.

However, before you could even choose what to do, Jungkook shifts the attention upon you. "You said you already went to Busan…" he scratches his earlobe, twiddling with one of the many hoop earrings.

You nod. “Last time we went there, we went to the sea. It was in Winter, so we couldn't take a bath. But it was… spectacular." Namjoon knows your immeasurable love for the sea, he promised you that you'd go there in summer, someday. You didn't. "I'd like to visit it again."

“You should…” words tumble off his mouth in a dreamy note (your heart lurches in your chest). “I – I can show you around. There are many – many nice places to see.” The softness dancing across his features is soon replaced by a pair of wide doe eyes and a ruby hue pantined along his cheekbones. “Or you can go by yourself. I sometimes prefer traveling all alone. You know, so I can do things at my own pace, in my way…"

You know, you used to be like this, too. Then, your decisions guided you to Namjoon… and you stop thinking like life was meant to be lived only in the company of yourself.

“I sometimes would like to pack my things and, dunno, travel all around the world. There are many places I’d love to see," he confesses, “The idea of staying stuck in one place… it makes me anxious. Like, you know… like I was wasting my life."

A stabbing pain hits you somewhere in your ribcage, in a place you can't exactly pinpoint. “There’s nothing wrong with staying in one place. Stability is comforting.”

He scrunches his nose. “I dunno. It’s just… I see my parents, born and raised in Busan, who never stuck their nose outside their hometown and they… bore me? I mean, the only time they went out of town was for my cousin's wedding, and it wasn't even that far from Busan." His hand runs to the opposite bicep. "The idea of becoming like them, rooted in the same place… it scares me." There's a light twitch in his nose. "People who decide to stay in the same place forever… they are pretty sad ."

Oh…

“Oh…” it's all you can mumble, setting your vague stare on his face. And, maybe it's the way you pronounced it that makes a hundred alarm bells ring in his head, because Jungkook seems to register what he just confessed and panic . He was talking about his parents, sure, but this speech can be extended to a vast segment of people -a segment in which you're included, too.

For the first time since you’ve started hanging out, Jungkook really looks like a city boy who tries to teach something about the surrounding world to a village woman who rarely sticks her nose behind the borders of her cozy town. You could tell him that he’s too young to understand. That someday he’ll grow up and he’ll understand that there are other priorities –and, no matter how much you’d love to pack your things and leave, you can’t. You just can’t. But it’s not a matter of age. It's a wider matter: it's a matter of personality, life styles, and vision of the world…

It's a matter of experiences that scar you deeply.

It's a matter of people you meet and how they help you to nurture the better part of yourself.

Sometimes you meet a man and you fall in love with his shy smiles and his adorable dimples and his words brimmed with passion when he explains something to you and the world around you becomes less interesting because life with him it's a wonderful, gradual discovery that you wouldn't miss for the world.

But Jungkook never loved anyone with such a deep passion.

He can't understand…

Once again, your brain gets in motion with a jolt, reminding you that today is important, and you shouldn't be spending your time here, with him…

Today… Namjoon…

“(Y/N), I— shit .” Jungkook lowers his head, clenches his hands into fists. “I didn’t – didn’t mean to—“

“Break over!” you interrupt, delivering him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. You tuck some hair behind your ear while turning to recollect your backpack –and avoid the shadow of guilt weighing upon his eyes and lips and shoulders. You just want to go home. You need to go home. “C’mon, it's getting quite late. Show me that place.”

You walk in silence for the entire time.

Thirty minutes stretching to infinity made of stones rolling down the hill when you accidentally kick them; the chirping of birds seeping through the fronds; the wind stroking the leaves; thunders in the distance; plastic bottles squeezing every time you take a sip of water; clicks of camera.

You're right behind Jungkook, avoiding his stare every time he gazes over his shoulder to make sure that you’re following him.

For a very brief moment, your mind catapults you back to all those times you and Namjoon were basking in the aftermath of a thunderous fight: you were two clockwork bombs ready to explode at the wrong word or gesture; silence was so thick you could cut it with a finger; and deep inside of you there was this seed of fear, like you just fucked up everything.

You shouldn’t smile, but the corners of your mouth quirk up anyway.

You almost forgot this bitter sensation: being crossed by the fear that a thing you like is about to come to an end…

You let out a small breath, trying to relax. Soon you'll be back home and you'll finally close this silly summer bracket. Forever. It's probably a good thing that Jungkook revealed the arrogant facet of himself before you'd commit some bullshit.

“We’ve arrived.” Jungkook’s voice is a bit scratchy, it seeps through the cracks of your consciousness and snaps you back down to earth.

You climb up along the steep hill to travel these few meters, resting your palm on a tree trunk at the side of the trail to sustain yourself, eyes fixed on the ground to not stumble in your own feet. Gazing up, you take notice of Jungkook, waiting for you at the end of the rise; he's on the cusp of stretching his hand out to help you traverse the last steps, but in a burst of rage you go back to looking down, silently refusing his help (with the corner of your eye, you notice him clench his hand into a fist, sad stare pinned to the tip of his shoes. Your heart cracks a little).

When you finally arrive at the top, still lightheaded for the energies spent during the hiking, it takes you quite a few seconds to realize which is exactly the place he took you to: it's an opening nestled between the army of trees that runs along the border of a cliff, immersed in the depth of the wood. Beyond the branches and leaves shaped in a natural curtain, you can admire the entire village cocooned between the mountains.

You approach the chasm slowly, like a force was pulling you from the inside. Paying attention to not slide, you use the rocks like steps, contemplating the village beneath your feet -from up there, the houses are small and chase after one another in a drawing of streets that you could travel with closed eyes.

The last time you went here, the sun was creeping over the horizon, bathing the town with hues of orange and gold that made the whole scenery look like a living painting (Namjoon was beside you, heavy breath to mark the silence, his fingers intertwined with yours); today, gray clouds curl into the sky, and still they don't notch the magnificence of this view.

“It’s breathtaking…" your comment tumbles off your tongue in a barely whispered hush due to your incapacity to contain your astonishment before such beauty, rather than for a true desire to share your opinion with Jungkook.

The boy beside you doesn't seem to catch this subtle difference, though. “It is…” Jungkook sets his eyes upon you, like he was imprinting your side profile between the folds of his brain. “You probably saw this place already," he adds, after a brief pause, going back to contemplating the panorama.

“I did. Joonie discovered it and took me here.” You notice a muscle twitching in his jaw, teeth chewing at the corner of his mouth. You go back to admiring the landscape, feeling a weight settling in your chest.

It never gets unnoticed to you the way Jungkook seems to tense whenever you mention your husband, even though he never actively vocalized his annoyance; so, in an attentive attempt to not make him feel uncomfortable, you try to talk about Namjoon as little as possible. But right now, after the things he said, you don't feel like taking care of his internal turmoil.

You just want to go home, to your routine, to that something important that you can't remember…

Suddenly, a drop falls on your forearm. You gaze up at the fronds, growing thicker for the wind now blowing through them. "We should go… it's about to rain."

Jungkook moves, beside you. You think he's about to climb down the rocks first but when you turn to imitate his movement, ready to follow him, you realize that the boy is actually standing still on his spot. Staring at you. Staring at you with the saddest look you've ever seen on someone's face…

“I’m sorry,” he starts, weak. “I’m so – so sorry, (Y/N). I didn’t – didn’t mean to say what I said—“

“You did…” you interrupt, jaw clenching. Jungkook is like Yoongi, in certain aspects of his personality: he's the type of person who says the wrong (or right) thing at the wrong moment, uncaring about the consequences and the scars their words will leave on people. You admit you appreciate this side of their character most of the time, because they're the metaphorical kick in your ass that helps you to get a grip of yourself; however, it'd be nice if they'd think twice before opening their mouth with so much carefreeness. “But it’s ok. Don't wrap your head over it too much—"

“It isn’t. I – I fucked up, I—“ he moistens his lips, crossing his arms on his chest in a sort of protection. “It’s true. I meant what I said, but I wasn’t talking specifically about you. It was just… a general thing. You, to me, you…” his words fade in the sudden rumble of a thunder in the distance. "You’re interesting .” He stamps a foot on the ground when you chuckle. “I’m not lying, (Y/N). You are interesting to me.”

You let out a sigh. “Jungkook…”

“(Y/N), once you told me that you aren't interesting." His voice is firm, makes all your muscles cripple up. "When we met under the old tree and you were wearing a long skirt and your hair was down and - and you told me that your presence ruined my quietness. And you didn't, you never do…" The fact he's remembering certain details makes goosebump raise on your skin. Or maybe it's just the natural electricity in the air. Whatever it is, you twirl your arms around your waist, shielding yourself from whatever he's about to say. "Anyway, you told me you weren't interesting, and I wanted to tell you how much you were wrong. Because you are - are. You left all the people you love to follow your dreams in another country, and you got married and moved here… you are interesting ." His breath is heavy, he lowers his head. “And I’m an idiot, instead. I’m a twenty three-year-old who dropped out of college and would love travelling around the world but can't do absolutely anything." He chuckles, ruffling the hair falling over his damp forehead (your stomach twists and turns). “I’m so sorry. I fucked up.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did. You are mad—“

“Jungkook, I’m not mad.”

“No. You are, instead.”

You are. But, well… you aren't exactly pissed; you're more… sorely disappointed? The truth is that you've always sensed that Jungkook was spending his time with you because you're the only one who doesn't break his balls about his life; who doesn't judge his choices; who doesn't tell him how to behave; who never showed any real interest in him. You give him plenty of room for him to be himself. But aside from this, he probably doesn't have a great consideration of you: in his eyes, you're just a weird thirty three-year-old, unhappy, who clings to the memory of a man who left her and lives her monotonous life in a village without chasing her dreams.

Deep down in your guts, you've always known that you're a passtime for Jungkook.

But feeling this -thinking this, and hitting your face against reality… they're two different things.

You should take advantage of this moment and put an end to… whatever you've built throughout these months; but your dignity is so affected by his words you can't let it go.

You owe it to yourself, to stay and give shape to your thoughts.

You can't let a city boy who doesn't know shit about you trample on yourself…

"I was like you too, many years ago. And I still am, sometimes." You moisten your lips, trying to calibrate the light tremble in your voice. “Just because I like living a quiet life in a small village, it doesn't mean that I don't know how the world is out there, or that I wouldn't like to see it."

Jungkook stares at you intensely, like he'd like to open your skull and give a form to your thoughts. "So… what happened?"

"I fell in love." You smile. Your heart melts. Something inside Jungkook melts, too, because he diverts his stare like you've just slapped him. "I fell in love with Joonie and all the things that seemed so important to me… they weren't anymore. It wasn't about me anymore, it was about us …" words flicker in your throat, clogging it. "We had so many projects… then, he left ."

You want to go home. There's something important you've to do, even if you can't remember what it is. It starts to get cold, it seeps through your bones, humidity grows thicker and stickier. Thunders are getting closer. You've to go home…

“I… don't know how it feels to love someone with all you got. Probably—no, for sure , I've never been in love." Jungkook curls his hands around the hem of his shirt, like a child begging for apologies after committing a mischief. "Once, a girl confessed she - she loved me. She said she loved me so much and I just told her: ok . We were dating for six months and I didn't feel anything strong. I thought that if - if she dumped me out of the blue, I wouldn't care much." He lets out a bitter giggle. "I broke her heart. I broke—“ he moistens his lips. “I fear I’ll never experience the type of love you and your husband had and… dunno, maybe I'm the sad - sad person, between us."

You don't know. Love is different for everyone. Love isn't important for everyone.

Sometimes, you just want to indulge into meaningless relationships, going out with women you introduce to your friends as " girlfriends " only to forget about them at the first sprout of emotion. Sometimes, you're thirty five years old and you just want to have fun, without the desire to build something in two.

Sometimes, you just want to turn back time and tell the girl who's confessing her love in tears that you love her too, but you're too scared to try. Sometimes, you're thirty four years old and her " but I love you " haunts you when you least expect it, to the point you can't even put a like to one of her photographs because it's too late now for you two.

Sometimes, you're twenty years old and you dream to build your own adult life in total independence, relying only on your own strength. Sometimes, you're twenty two years old and you meet a boy two years older than you and you madly fall in love with him and you start making projects for two. Sometimes, you're twenty-five years old and he asks you to marry him while you're having breakfast, naturally, so naturally you aren't scared at all. Sometimes, you're thirty-one years old and you watch him go away with his bicycle, his "I love you " wafting over you in a melody you're never tired of listening to… and he doesn't come back.

Namjoon…

Something scratches in the back of your mind. A vague thought, so shapeless you can't grasp it.

Today … Namjoon…

You want to go home. You've to go home...

“How did you understand you were in love with him?"

"I stopped looking around," you admit, sweetness pulls the corners of your mouth up. "I… I didn't want any serious story. I just wanted to have fun. I had so many guys… you know, mainly friends with benefits, or occasional encounters. It was easier, like this. But Joonie… he was different. I couldn't stop thinking about me and him and all the things we could've done together." You gaze back at the village, a lightning scrapes the sky. "Like… there were things I still wanted to do on my own… but I kept imagining that he'd be there, waiting for me, at the end of a long day. I finally started thinking about my future with someone beside me… and I could only think of him, in those moments."

"Oh…" it's all that Jungkook says.

He stares at you, hard and long. Eyes big and shiny. Mouth hanging open. Like a long-searched realization finally dawned on him.

The first drops of rain start falling down over you, anticipated by a loud thunder that almost made the ground beneath your feet tremble. You should move and dash back home, after all it's dangerous to stand in the middle of a forest during a thunderwash. But you're paralyzed for the way Jungkook is looking at you. And you can't move a finger even when he takes a step toward you, paying attention to not slip. Instinctually, you back off, adhering against the tree trunk.

His hands clench into fists along his sides, his stare dances on every inch of your face, lingering on the lips for a second longer. Imperceptibly, his face seems to gravitate toward you; imperceptibly, you feel like your whole body is gravitating toward him, too.

"The first time we met, you told me that you noticed me because I ignored you… what did you mean?" The question that was buzzing in your head all along finally flies out your mouth, in a sort of self-protection act to stop you from doing something silly (like hugging him. Or kissing him).

Jungkook's stare widens a little, nose scrunching for the interruption. “Since – since I’ve arrived here, people do nothing but bomb me with questions: where do you come from? Who are you? Why are you here? What's with all those tattoos ?" He stamps a foot on the ground. "Girls left me their numbers on napkins, adults stared suspiciously at me as if, dunno, as if they were expecting me to rob their houses. But you didn't. You… ignored me." Words tumble off his mouth in a rush, but you can still catch a note of frustration. "You only asked me if I wanted some more milk or - or if I needed anything else. I've never felt like a creep, around you. Even now, you respect my space. You respect me . I like it."

Rain starts pouring down heavily, it smashes against you two -against the silence now settled all around you. And you should go, it's dangerous. You want to go back home because today is important and you shouldn't spend it with Jungkook.

But Jungkook lifts his head up in the slightest, the eyelids flickering down as he lets the raindrops caress his face. He shoves his mint and black hair back with both hands (it grew a bit longer in the past weeks, you wonder how it'd feel under the tips of your fingers), a small smile of serenity etches itself on his face.

Jungkook makes you forget why today is important…

A thunder makes you flinch, scattering away all the thoughts that were fogging your mind.

"We-we should go—“ you pull yourself out of your own daze, but you move so fast you almost trip on the slippery rocks.

Picturing yourself smashed against the ground, your heart drops into your stomach… but it flickers up slowly, sustained by a flock of butterflies, when Jungkook grabs you. His hands on your hips. His stare engulfed into your own, crossed by a type of worry that you've seen only in Namjoon's eyes.

He doesn’t move.

You don't pull him away.

Raindrops fall from his lashes. Raindrops fall from his curly bangs and sketch his features. Raindrops fall on his rosy lips. On his rosy, tempting lips…

“I’m sorry, (Y/N)… I really am…" he whispers, thumbs drawing circular patterns on your tank top. “You… you are one of the few reasons that make this place beautiful." He catches a breath, a drop falls from his cupid bow. "I… was about to leave, a few weeks ago. I couldn't stand this place anymore. Days were all the same, people got on my nerves… then, you talked to me. Like, talking for real ." A small smile blooms amidst the sadness sprinkled all over his face. And it's all for you. It's all because of you. "You talked to me, and we started hanging out and… and so, I stayed. You made- make me want to stay…" he leans his forehead on your own, hands shifting to cup your face. “I’m sorry…”

Your hands rest on his back, fingers curling around his shirt. Shivers travel down your spine -maybe it's the cold weather; maybe it's Jungkook's warm embrace. From that position, you can catch a glimpse of the tiny mole laying on his neck (you can't stop picturing your fingers dancing on that area)...

“(Y/N)... can I tell you something?” his question flies out above a whisper, like he feared that the simple sound of his voice might shatter the quietness settled upon you.

“Mh?” you can only hum, staying still. If you’d turn in the slightest to your left, you could brush your lips against his own. You don’t turn.

“You… I - I know this is going to sound weird, and I’ll look like a creep. But I think - think that you’re the coolest adult I’ve ever met.” His eyes shake a little when you meet them, pulling yourself away to stare at his tensed face. The way he pronounced that “ adult ” should make a thousand alarm bells ring in your head, but you’re too enchanted to care. “You never - never questioned me about why I decided to quit university. You never made me feel like a failure because I don’t - don’t know what to do with my life. I, for the first time in a long while, I feel good about myself.” He presses more against you, stare darting to your lips for an imperceptible second. “I don’t know if you don’t ask me anything because you’re not interested or - or you’re just polite. But whatever it is… I appreciate it.”

You avert your stare. Jungkook presses a little further, the tip of his nose now brushing over your temple.

“I… I’d like to,” you start, eyelids fluttering down when his thumbs caress the puffy area beneath your eyes. “I die for asking you many things, I actually look forward to getting to know you better.” Your voice cracks, his lips part as if he had to suck in all your sadness. "But there are many things I don’t want to tell, too. It seems fair to not ask anything.”

“I want to get to know you better, too. I’ve so many things I want to ask you.” Gently, he applies a little pressure on your jawline to make you turn. “Ask me anything, (Y/N). I want you to know me - me .”

You know that Jungkook will never kiss you. He’s too gentle and attentive to act in a way that could put you in a bad position. And, at the same time, you know this is the right moment to go away and put an end to this surreal situation. To go back to your routine made of small things; to go back to your life, cutting Jeon Jungkook from it.

But your body isn’t ready to let him go (your fingers curl around the collar of his shirt so hard your knuckles turn white). Your body craves to be held, to be touched, to be kissed (Jungkook presses his fingertips so hard you can feel them dig into your skin).

Since Jungkook bumped into your life, you feel like your sexual urges and sweet desires are awakened…

You lean forward, and Jungkook is already half of his own way. His lips rest on yours for a quick-whispered moment, so brief it could be a figment of your imagination.

It's all so weird… Since Namjoon has been gone, you've never missed the act of kissing until Jungkook has barely touched your lips with his own. It's all so weird…

Naturally, you feel the call of this natural instinct and decide to follow it, breaking the few millimeters that keeps you from completing the kiss. And Jungkook responds in a heartbeat, like he was anticipating this very moment from the very first time his eyes have laid upon your figure.

The softness of his mouth is accentuated by the raindrops falling in between, by the tip of his tongue that tentatively touches your own in the slightest. He rests his thumb close to the corner of your mouth, silently inviting you to open more for him, and you beseechingly satisfy this little request. A small whining of surprise raises from the back of your throat at the soft graze of his tongue, podding against your own.

You cling to his shoulder blades, angling the head just right to follow his pace. You're a bit rusty, but you don't care (you hope Jungkook doesn't care, too). You're sinking in the kiss, in the sloppy sounds of it, in the moans blending, in the rain pouring down on your intertwined figures.

He rests his other hand on your neck, thumbs brushing along your jawline. You place your fingers on his chest, every toned muscle under the tips is finally consistent and real -not just a tangle of lines painted in the back of your mind through your imagination.

Keeping your left palm pressed on his chest, enjoying the thumping beat of his heart, your right hand flickers to his side, sketches the natural hourglass-curve of his body, landing on the narrow waist. Your pointer slides along the waistband of his bermuda pants -Jungkook doesn't inch away, just groans a little into the kiss, anticipating your next move. You hook the tip of your tongue around his upper lip, carefully letting your digit meander further down.

Rain pours down on you two, cascades upon his hair gently sticking against his features, upon your doubts and fears, upon the disappointment that made you want to run back home alone.

Rain pours down and you want to go back home, but with Jungkook…

Absent-mindedly, your hand finally crosses the invisible line that separated you from his bulge, growing fuller under layers of garments. You barely sketch the half-chub of his dick, but the sudden whimpering sound escaping from his mouth, and his head flickering back in a rush, sinks you back down to earth.

You stare at him wide-eyed, feeling an uncomfortable weight of shame settling in your lungs. Hoky fucking—what's gotten into you?! Indulging in your own desires so openly… in a burst of embarrassment, you drift your hand back. But, to your surprise, Jungkook grabs it and places it upon his crotch, making you gulp for the boldness of his reaction.

He presses his palm on the back of your hand, applies a light pressure for you to cup him fully, gently guides you up and down in a rhythmic movement that has him moaning softly, eyelids flickering down in the slightest.

"I touched myself this morning thinking of you. And yesterday night, too. And the day before…" he mumbles between sips of breath, his confession makes your chest burst for the desire. "(Y/N), it's been days I'm thinking of you…" it seeps through his lips and lays upon your own in a soft brush.

Your stare flickers upon his face, shaped with pleasure. Then, you set it back onto his hand still on your own, enchanted by the firmness of his dick caged between layers of fabric. All for you…

Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut when you proceed a bit down with your movement, grazing the curve of his balls, lips parted to exhale a soundless moan. "Can…" he lowers his head, hips swaying forward to feel your touch more. "Can we go back to my place?"

You… you can't remember why today you should be at home, on your own...

Jungkook grabs your hand, guides you down the hill...

But if you can't remember it…

Jungkook stops half-way to kiss you again, as if he feared that those meters crossed in a rush made you change your mind...

It means it wasn't so important…

The rain taps on the windows in a calming and refreshing sound, crashes down on the garden on the other side of the glass, flowers bending toward the ground.

Liquid eyes laid upon the glassy surface, you carefully follow the slow meandering of the raindrops, blending in a myriad of shapeless, enchanting sketches that keep your mind busy. You don't want to think about what's happening here, right now. You want to shut your brain off, plummet in a deep sleep and wake up when everything will be over.

In this way, maybe, the sense of guilt gnawing at your heart will be gentler to you…

The wet fabric of your shorts suddenly glues to your skin in a slow descent, you bend your legs in an instinctive movement to peel the garment off with much more ease; there's a light thud when they fall on the ground, as you dig your sole into the mattress, eyes still fixed on the window.

Lips rest beneath your breast, draw the soft bow in a caress that makes goosebump rise along your arms. Fingers gently trace the long stretch of your leg, linger on the soft portion of skin close to your groin, where the elastic of your slip draws a barrier made of lace. The pointer sneaks inside the garment without hesitation, runs back and forth slowly, flickering from your pube to your wet folds in an imperceptible touch that has your walls contracting against nothing.

Your heart jolts a little, sinking you back down to the reality you've desperately tried to avoid up to now: your back is sinking in the softness of the mattress; sheets are wet and crumbled under your weight and cold on the empty portion beside your own… and Jungkook is above you, meticulously exploring every inch of your exposed body with his mouth.

Your eyes dart immediately to his figure but from that position, the only thing you can see is the top of his head -a skein of damp, mint and black hair that felt smooth under your fingers when you clung at it, as soon as he slammed the door of his bedroom behind his shoulders, minutes and minutes and minutes ago…

Your bare breast raises up and down heavily and slowly, your heart smashes against your ribs at every smack sound in a desperate attempt to set itself free. Your turgid nipples are shining wet for the kisses he planted there, pulsing and redder for the ghost of his fingers twisting those little, flashy cushions.

Jungkook's roaming ends upon the area close to your belly button, your stomach flattening down at every peck that leaves a wet print on your skin. He inches away in the slightest to catch a small breath, zones out as he admires the ruby marks he scattered throughout your body, before going back to placing feather-like touches on your tummy.

A thunder crashing through the silence distracts you for a second, and you're almost tempted to shove him away and put an end to this… mess . Almost. Like a force was pulling you from the inside, your trembling hand shifts from the crumbled sheets to his hair, still damp for the rain that caught you on your way back home.

Jungkook raises his head up in a rush for the grazing movement of your nails on his scalp, eyes round and big like an animal who just heard a noise. A glint of panic streams in his brown irises, but it's so fleeting you think it's a figment of your (scared) imagination. Still with his stare engulfed into your own, his parted lips slide down to meet the elastic of your panties; still with his intense stare locked into your own, he runs the tip of his tongue upon the lace. And your fingers rack through his hair, dividing the various locks from the roots, pulling them back to reveal his forehead… until your pointers slide down his temple and Jungkook stops torturing you, angling his head just right for him to meet your palm. Like a cat indulging into cuddles, he meekly follows your stroke, moving his head to not lose contact with your touch, and delivers you a small (adorable) pout when you graze the soft area under his chin, fingers flickering away from him.

Reluctantly, he puts himself into a stretched position, permitting you to admire the perfection of his bare torso. His pecs and abdominals are marked, well-defined lines grooved into the skin that stretch at the slightest flexion or movements. The black ink of his tattoos stands out even more on his honey-like skin, a good distraction from his dark nipples that have your fingers itching from touching them and feel their consistency under the tips. Enchanted by the (young) gorgeousness that crafts every inch of Jungkook, your stare finally glides down to his belly button, shakes for the thin hair that guides you to the waistband of his briefs -the only garment still on.

Sitting on his own feet like a cushion, Jungkook notices that you're lingering your attention upon the lower part of his body, but he doesn't seem embarrassed by it. He slowly spreads his legs, giving you plenty of time to carefully take in the sight of his crotch, full and firm inside the fabric cotton.

You picture it inside of you, for a very brief moment. You picture him pulling it out and gently guiding it close to your wet entrance. You picture him gently guiding it inside your mouth, his delicious moans scraping the silence and that shield of composure that you're hardly keeping around yourself.

A small whining sound flies out from the back of your throat, legs now rubbing against one another to give some relief to the itchy sensation spreading from your covered center. Jungkook's stare trails down to your groin area, eyes shining bright for the vision that's taking shape for real . Through your lashes, you notice a little scrunch in his nose, like he was disappointed for being in idleness -while he should be the one to pump up your pleasure.

Resolute, he grabs your panties and finally rolls it down your thighs. You lift yourself up enough to help him take it off, legs spreading shamelessly when he tosses the useless garment behind his back. You rest your fingers on your stomach, twiddle with them as you try to overcome the embarrassment of Jeon Jungkook gawking at your wet, exposed center. You let your hands slide down along your groin area in a mute plead to act and do something, because your walls are painfully contracting against nothing and you want him, you want him so fucking much.

Jungkook pulls himself out of his own haze. Shakes his head a little and stretches toward you, comfortably resting between your legs. His arms twirl around your nape and head to sustain you as he catches you in an open-mouthed kiss, inhaling sharply through his nose when his half-chub dick presses against your wet folds. The friction against your clit is mild but nice, it has you bending your legs and waving your hips to feel him more, hands running to cling to his shoulder blades.

His tongue slides languidly against yours, eager. You quietly moan into the kiss, fingers curling tightly around his back as his right hand trails down to your pube area; the proximity of his fingers makes you grind your center more frantically against his dick, and Jungkook breaks the kiss with a groan.

He arches his back into your embrace, refraining himself from thrusting more erratically. "What do you want me to do?" He whines onto your mouth, brows snapping together as he squeezes his eyes shut.

"Make me come…" you can only say above a whisper, clamping your teeth around his bottom lip, pulling it in the slightest.

Jungkook snorts a chuckle, his fingers cross the pube, graze your plump clit. "That's the plan…" he replies between pecks. "How? What do you want me - me to do, (Y/N)?" He slides his index and middle fingers down to your wet folds, caress them, back and forth. "Tell me what you like…"

You arch your back when he places them at the very entrance, pulling in a little. "Don't know, don't care. Do as you prefer," you mumble, incoherently.

Jungkook chuckles against your ear (it's such a beautiful sound, it torns your heart apart). "Oh, then… gotta a couple of ideas in mind…" he places a kiss on your earlobe, chewing on it as he finally pulls his fingers into you, inch by inch by inch by inch… his lips sketch your jawline, his fingers pull back and then forth again… and again… and again… until he pulls out.

Nose scrunching in disappointment, you turn to look at him. Beyond the sparks floating in your eyes, you notice Jungkook shifting his fingers close to his face, they glisten with your juices. You can't really wrap your head around which his next move might be, especially for that lopsided grin he's giving you right now; but your heart spikes up when he curls his lips around them, without ripping his eyes off you.

You should be disgusted by his gesture, but for a very brief moment you feel young again… when sex was just sheer fun; a natural instict; nothing to be ashamed or repulsed about. And the fact is that you were having fun with Namjoon, too, but it was different…

Namjoon knew every little thing about you. Every sexual preference. It was easy to disclose your desires without feeling judged…

Jungkook runs the tip of his tongue on his bottom lip, swallows thickly before placing a soft kiss on your mouth, slightly off-center. His lips skim down over your neck, a trail of wet pecks between your breasts, lingering on your tummy. He inches away with a smack sound before putting himself into a stretched position, pressing his palms on your knees to spread your legs more. Shifting on his spot, he situates himself between your legs, his warm breath fans your wet folds, it makes your walls clench in anticipation.

A soundless moan tumbles off your parted lips when he places a kiss on your clit, the tip of his tongue flickering slowly on the plump button full of nerves. Jungkook pokes a finger on your center, recollects your juices before pulling it inside.

A shiver crosses your spine, you squirm, your toes and fingers curl around the sheets. Beyond the liquid sparks floating in your eyes, you notice some Marvel action figures neatly aligned on the shelves; manga piled up in alphabetical order; a very few photographs that portray him or people you don't know. His clothes are carefully folded on a chair.

You can breathe Jungkook's twenty three years and personality in every corner of his bedroom…

You sink into pleasure with that fleeting thought grazing your mind, before leaving you empty-headed. His lips curl in a sucking motion and you forget about everything.

This ten years age gap, suddenly, doesn't seem so heavy anymore.

Jungkook inches away, a very thin string of juice and saliva keeps him close to you; he gives one last kiss to your wet folds before hovering over you, settling himself above you comfortably. You sink in his liquid eyes full of constellations, heavy breath escaping from your lips… and you don't care about your age.

You just had an orgasm.

You're just a person who had an orgasm thanks to another person…

"What?" You mumble, tracing his shoulder blades with your knuckles.

Jungkook looks at you as if he had to tell you a million things. However, he hesitates, shaking his head a little while giving you a small, tired smile. You tilt your head a little to meet him half-way from the kiss he's about to give you, breaking the space between you two. He rests a hand on your hip, squeezes it lightly before twirling his arm around the small of your back. Applying a light pressure, he drags you toward him as he rolls on the mattress on his back, maneuvering you effortlessly, like you were boneless.

You shift on your spot, sitting astride on his lap, hands resting on his shoulders. Jungkook places his palms on the small of your back, pulling you closer while his mouth curls around your cleavage, sliding up to trace the collarbone. You study his movements through your lashes, racking your brain frantically to elaborate your next step.

Honestly, you're rusty when it comes to sex. Despite the few, occasional encounters you had after Namjoon, you never let those relationships go too further to actually reach such a peak point of your intimacy -so, you highly doubt you will skyrocket him on the Milky Way just like he did with you. But with Jungkook, everything happens naturally: it feels like your hands exactly know which spots to touch to make his breath run faster; they exactly know how much strength they should apply to steal a moan from the back of his throat; they exactly know where they should rest for his heart to beat frantically.

Fingers curling around the hem of his briefs, you kiss his chin while rolling the garment down his hips. Jungkook inches away to observe your hands peeling off his slips, letting out a stuttered breath when the air finally grazes the tip of his dick, already slicked with precum. You'd like to cast a quick glance down and admire his pulsing length now exposed, but you've eyes only for him -for his front bunny-teeth clamping his bottom lip; for the stars scattered in his doe eyes; for the little, imperceptible blemishes sprinkled all over his young skin; for the curls of hair sticking against his sweaty forehead.

In a rush, he uses his own feet to help you take his briefs off, comfortably resting against the pillows in anticipation of whatever you're going to do to him. It's only at this very moment, with his legs spread wide, that you take in the sight of him, twitching against his abdomen, smeared on the head.

Hesitantly, your fingers flicker toward the tip. The pads gently rest on it, move in circular motions that have him stretching his legs and curling his toes and clenching his fists around the sheets. Your middle and pointer slide down the rough length, and you go back to scrutinizing his face to understand if you're doing ok or if you should change pace or movement.

Jungkook seems to enjoy it, though. He's sucking his bottom lip in so hard that you can now fully see the tiny mole laying underneath it, jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut. You'd expect him to guide you in the slow growth of his pleasure -to vocalize exactly what he wants and prefers. But Jungkook stays quiet, patiently waits, squirms under your touch…

And this vision shuts your brain off.

Absent-mindedly, you rest your hands under his knees and gently pull him closer to slide along the mattress as you move backward in the process, sitting comfortably between his legs. Without ripping your stare off him, you lean forward and close the millimetric gap, curling your lips around the head. Jungkook flinches for the sudden touch, the muscles in his thighs and abdomen and arms flex. The tip of your tongue flickers around the saltry area, gently tap against the frenulum.

You shift one of your hands on the base of his cock, gripping tight around it and pulling up and down at a rhythmic pace, while the other fingers run to cup his balls, massaging them.

You don't rush, you take your time. You enjoy his throaty moans, his little comments tumbling off between sips of breath, his tattooed hand on top of your head. You focus all your attention on the tip, without fully taking him with your mouth -you want to torure him a little, gasping in those few minutes that separate him from the peak of pleasure.

Jungkook comes with a small moan and heavy breath pumped out his lungs, thick liquid spills from the tip down his dick, smearing your fingers still around it. Your tongue still flickers under the head, catching drops of cum.

You aren't disgusted by the mess you've made -you're actually pretty excited about Jungkook reduced into a mass of panting and muscles flexing under his skin. You swallow till the last drop you can catch before inching away, casting a glance upon your stained fingers. You reach out to the nightstand to grab a napkin and clean your hand; but before you could take care of him too, Jungkook grabs you by the waist and maneuvers you toward him, making you use his body like a mattress.

"God, this was—you… " he swallows thickly, brushing a knuckle over your chin to get rid of a stain of cum. He lets out a soft chuckle between pants of breath, gravitating toward your mouth. “I'm so happy - happy. I've waited for this moment for so long, (Y/N),” he mumbles, his hands brushing along your sides.

His words hit your brain like a bucket of icy water.

Namjoon waited for you for so long, too. His lips were quivering for the cold, the rough fabric of his scarf was tingling your chin. It was your first kiss, in winter…

Namjoon…

Namjoon waited for so long to give you a small kiss on your lips… Jungkook waited for so long to have your lips wrapped around hidick…

Namjoon, today...

Jungkook said that people like you are sad. He talked about traveling around the world and feeling trapped in a city. Jungkook confessed that he masturbated thinking about you, many times… while Namjoon—!

The area around your eyes, now wide and crossed by a glint of terror, swells up.

Holy shit, Namjoon …

Naked, cocooned in Jungkook's warm embrace, you suddenly remember what is the thing that's bugging you for the whole day, but that you couldn’t grasp.

Today is your anniversary… it's your fucking anniversary and you completely forgot about it.

You should be doing the usual things you do to celebrate it as if Namjoon was still by your side on this special occasion; and instead, you're spending your day with a twenty three-year-old boy you know very little about, giving head to him, letting him come into your mouth.

Holy fucking shit… what were you thinking?

Your breath is heavy, tears prickle at the corner of your eyes.

How could you forget about something so extremely important?

Jungkook is… he’s ten years younger than you. He’s a little bit older than the students Namjoon used to teach to. He… he should be spending his summer with someone his age -not with a woman in her thirties who still feels something deep for a man who isn't here anymore. And what's even worse, you completely disregard an event that Namjoon would have celebrated as if it was the first time…

You… you can't do it. You can't hurt Jungkook like this… you can't hurt Namjoon's memory like this…

This thought is enough to make you come back to your senses.

You wriggle out of his embrace in a rush (Jungkook's smile fades like watercolors on a paper), as if you were disgusted by his presence. You jump down the bed, desperately searching for your clothes. You spot the slip close to the chair, above his shirt and trousers; you wear them with a quick gesture, taking a look around to pinpoint the other garments.

Jungkook stays still, observes your movements with a vague stare. Then, his voice, low (so low it shatters your heart in pieces). “(Y/N), what happened?"

“Nothing, I just remembered something important—” you recollect your shirt -you're so wrapped in your anxiety to wear it backward. "Sorry, I gotta go—"

“(Y/N)...” he calls you softly, the sweetness dripping from your name paralyzes every fiber of your being.

Tightening your shorts, you gaze over your shoulder. Jungkook is there, sitting on his spot, his limp dick resting along his thigh and shining wet in the dim-lit room.

He delivers you a small, encouraging smile. "Stay, mh?"

“I’ve to go,” you repeat, averting his broken stare before wearing that last piece of garment and dashing outside his bedroom. “See you soon.”

“Casually, To see just your shadow, I passed through your house’s gate several times.”

A week passed, and still you can feel Jungkook's taste in your mouth.

You know this is just a joke of your dirty subconscious to pinch your sense of guilt, which sprouted in the abyss of your chest in the exact instant you decided to cut ties with the boy forever.

(For the first two days, Jungkook came to visit you every morning -during breakfast; launch; dinner. His: " (Y/N), it's me, Jungkook. Can we talk? Please?" sounded so weak and small behind your shut door that you felt your heart drop into the pit of your stomach for the guilt. The last time, he wished you goodnight with the same soft voice he used to ask you to stay, after sex. You didn't open…)

The sudden sound of an uncorked bottle snaps you back down to reality. A muscle twitches in your neck when you turn, shifting your stare from the window of Min's restaurant to the counter, catching Jin in the act of pouring some red wine into a pair of steam glasses.

You arch your brow, noticing the burgundy liquid reaching almost the edge. "We're both going to drink from this one, aren't we?"

"Enjoy it, my sweet (Y/N). It seems we both need it," he comments, eyes crinkling in the corner. He taps lightly the glass against your own, some drops spill on the wooden surface of the counter.

You clean them with your apron. "You more than me, it seems…" you smirk, watching him gulp down a long sip. "What happened?"

His lips twitch. "Eunwoo dumped me."

"I'm surprised…" you let out a chuckle when he tosses the bottle cork at you, only to dart him an apologetic look soon after. You aren't at all surprised about this revelation: Eunwoo lives in Daegu, moved to a city nearby your village to study and accidentally arrived in your town with a couple of friends when they got lost during a little trip. She hit on him the second he politely welcomed her into the restaurant, and he gladly indulged in her sweet disposition toward him -but it was just a matter of time, considering that Jin keeps calling her "a fling".

You can't tell much about her as a person, since you rarely met her; but she looked like a nice girl…

"That's a pity. I liked Eunwoo a lot, she was funny." You run your finger along the glassy surface, resting your chin on your palm. "She's always been more into you, though." You wait for a follow up that doesn't come, so you add, "why did she dump you?"

He shrugs. "She found out I still use Tinder—oh, stop laughing, (Y/N)." He puffs his cheeks, offended by your behavior. "I said from the beginning that I didn't want anything serious. She accepts, then she gets angry at me because I don't want anything serious…" he curls his lips, putting a towel upon his shoulder.

"She liked you a lot, Seokjinnie." You let out a sigh, twiddling with the cork. "I would have accepted it too, if Joonie proposed something similar. You know, only to spend five minutes with him—"

"And make him change his mind, aha," he completes for you, letting out his windshield laughter when you roll your eyes. "Why do you always have this thing? As if you could change a man's behaviour through sex…" he takes a sip of wine, grimacing. "Anyway, it's not the end of the world. I'm a bit with my head in the clouds, and I wasn't in the mood for quickies or friends-with-benefits affairs in the long run."

Your heart flickers in your throat for his last comment.

Seokjin talks and you try to pay your utmost attention to the conversation, although your mind keeps drifting away and crawling back to a boy with big doe eyes…

(The other two days, Jungkook spent his evenings on the steps of his house in the attempt to casually meet you, throwing a ball to let Bam play. Yoongi saw him from his balcony and told you that he looked like a sad child who waited for his mother to come back home after a long, hectic day. He asked you if something bad happened between you two, but you brushed it off as if Jungkook was just a grain of dust.)

"Let's talk about important things…" Seokjin places a plate of Japchae in front of you, the good smell of fried vegetables and soy sauce pinches your nostrils and makes your mouth run dry. "How are things going with the new boy?" A malicious smile etches itself on his face as he crosses his arms on the counter, studying the ruby shade now tinging your cheekbones. "Mom told me everything ."

You swallow. "Everything… what?"

He spares you a glance before turning, going back to the burner to prepare a new plate for himself. "Innocent things. That you're spending a lot of time together… you go hiking, or take out your dogs almost every morning. He comes to your place for lunch, you go to his home for dinner…" he grabs his plate, taking a mouthful of mushrooms and noodles. "How are things going?"

(The remaining days, Jungkook traveled those few meters that separate your houses, but never reached the front door. He curled his fists around the hem of his shirt before going back, hunched shoulders and fast pace. From that day, he stopped searching for you.)

You fix your liquid eyes on the dish. "How should they go? We don't do anything."

"A bird told me you went together to the festival."

"Which bird? Your mother?"

"And Yoongi-chi. And half of the village. Well, ok, many birds." He gazes over you to scrutinize your annoyed expression. "You know there's nothing wrong, mh? People here love babbling about everyone, but nobody would ever blame you for moving on." His voice is serious, matches with the somber stare he's now delivering you.

"I know… but there's nothing to talk about, really." A shiver runs down your spine as the ghost of Jungkook's kisses touches your belly. "He was, you know, the news . He was bored, I was curious…" There's still Jungkook's taste in your mouth. There's still his broken stare haunting you from the moment you crack your eyes open in the morning to the last you close them at night. "It can't work…"

Seokjin pauses. "Work… it means you two were doing something ."

You look at him goggle-eyed, mentally cursing at yourself for not calibrating your words properly. "No. I mean… our worlds are too different. And he's twenty three, why should he spend his time with me?"

"Uh! A boytoy!" He grins, too excited (you facepalm. You hope he won't tell Yoongi, he'd never let you live from now on). "And, don't think he gives any damn about your age… I bet he's pretty interested in you. You know that he kept staring at you, tonight? I mean, he always stares at you, but today… It seemed different. Like… as if he was waiting for you to go and talk to him." He takes a grab of carrots. "What did you do to him? He was such a gray cloud, poor thing..."

You swallow, there's still his taste in your mouth. You left him all naked on his bed after sucking him off. He searched for you for almost a week, and you ignored him. You avoided him.

You're cutting him out of your life, after letting him walk in…

"(Y/N)..." Seokjin calls you, carefully, worried about your vague expression. "Whatever happened, or whatever is happening, you're doing anything wrong." He gives a small, reassuring smile that has your heart lurching and copiously bleeding in your chest.

You take a long sip of wine to help you swallow the noodles. "I don't know. I'm not used to it anymore. You know, dating someone—like, it's not like we were dating, of course..." You chew on your bottom lip, unsure. "And even if I'd want to, Joonie—"

"Namjoon won't be back." Seokjin's voice is firm, but not harsh. His shoulders hunch over, as if he couldn't bear the weight of his own words. "What happened to him… it's not your fault, (Y/N). You've all the rights to start a new life. He'd be pretty disappointed to know that you're wasting your time, losing all the good and nice that life is still giving you."

The area around your eyes swells up, you clamp your teeth to your bottom lip to keep tears at bay. He's right: Namjoon would be disappointed if he could see you right now. Acting cowardly. Running away from the first sprout of affection. Clinging to him like life doesn't make sense anymore just because he isn't here with you…

Namjoon would hate you for turning into a woman you don't like. And, as much as you're hyper conscious of it, you can't do anything to get over the sorrow that prevents you from moving on…

"I know..." You can only whisper, diverting your stare.

"Which means that you can suck the new boy's dick without problems." There's a playful note in his tweet, but his eyes grow bigger, seeing you fumble for words. "Omg, you—you really did—"

"You, instead," you interrupt, shaking away the picture of your lips curled around Jungkook's tip now flashing in the back of your eyelids. "Your mother is pretty down in the dumps, lately. She almost bursted out crying this morning. What did you do to her?"

A thick silence settles between you two, unable to stop looking at each other. The first to break eye contact is Seokjin, voice low and mouth opening in a small smile. "I'm leaving." His brown irises shine bright, in a way you've never seen before -like he was madly, deeply in love with something. "At the end of August I'll move to Incheon. I'll be the second chef in Mr Kwon's restaurant. It's pretty famous over there." He puts his empty dish away, grabbing the wine instead. "It's not a model career, but it's what I love doing." He ruffles his hair, hiding his liquid eyes from you. "Mom is quite sad that I'm going away out of the blue. But it's been months I've been thinking about it, and it's for the best."

"Incheon… It's far away," you mumble, suddenly feeling alone in this small village.

"It's only four hours, and I'll often come back. You won't even notice my absence."

You give him a small smile that doesn't reach your eyes. Seokjin leaving will generate an immense abyss in your lives. "How did Yoongi take it?"

Seokjin's expression changes. It gets sadder. More nostalgic. They grew up together since they were little children, it must be hard to leave him behind.

"He's the first I told the good news. He told me: congratulations, it was about time you get the fuck out." He chuckles, resting his chin on his palm. "And then he came up with an excuse and went away. He probably had to cry." Bitterness draws his lips in a crescent. "But he's doing fine. He's already making me a playlist to listen to during the drive."

"You're leaving…" you repeat, slowly, as if you had to still process this information. "This place won't be the same without you."

"I know!" He says, playfully. "But staying here… it smothers me. You know, I often think of Namjoon and when I do, I think about the million things I never did out of fear, or to not disappoint my mother, or to not abandon my friends." The glass in his hand shakes a little (your heart does, too). "I want to leave this place and live my life before it's too late. Like, shit, I can't stop thinking that destiny always plays some dirty tricks and—" words wither in a curse when he notices your feeble smile. "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'm an idiot…"

"Don't worry. He is the first to tell you that you should've left this place a long time ago." You gasp once, your chest hurts. "You're doing the right thing. I know you love cooking, that it's the thing that makes you truly happy… but I'll miss you."

"I know. I'd miss myself too." He drums his fingers on the counter. Then, he brushes past it to approach you. Tears prickle in your eyes when you stand up, hugging him tight. He inhales sharply through his nose. "Can I leave you alone, mh? It's all good, right?" You nod, clinging more at his shoulders. " Alone ... I almost forgot you've a boytoy now."

You chuckle, inching away. You rub your eyes to get rid of the liquid sadness that's tugging at your lashes.

Seokjin plops down on the seat beside you, smirking. "So… how's his dick?"

"What's the point? We know yours is more beautiful anyway."

Jin laughs brightly and you enjoy every bit of it. You sit back down, observing his wet eyes crinkling in the corners, the vibrant flush spreading along his face, his shoulders shaking convulsively while tears roll down his cheeks…

You'll miss this wonderful sound (this wonderful him) with every fiber of your being.

You fold your arms around your waist, teeth clamping at your bottom lip as you keep your eyes fixed to the tip of your gym shoes. The humidity of this hot summer night sticks to your skin, but shivers travel down your spine as if you were in the middle of a cold, harsh winter. You catch a breath and slowly pin your stare in front of you, swallowing thickly.

Jungkook's house never looked so scary.

You know it's late, in every possible sense. But the conversation with Seokjin, his subtle reprimand, and his sudden departure accompanied every step you took from the restaurant to your home, impending you to actually go inside and call it a night.

Seokjin made you want to see Jungkook one last time…

With your sense of guilt gnawing at the surface of your tortured heart, with a shame that roots from your behaviour in the past days, you slowly approach the entrance. You chew on your bottom lip while pushing the doorbell, scraping the silence coming from inside. You hear Bam bark, then footsteps thumbing on the ground. The clack of the door makes your muscles tense up all at once and your heart squeals and runs to search for a place to hide…

"Bam, be quiet—oh…"

… Only to melt in a pulpy mess when Jungkook appears on the other side of the door, washed by astonishment.

You feel awful…

Showing up here after a week only because your best friend is leaving this place for good (who subtly reminded you that you’re wasting your days, and that you’re disappointing Namjoon for your behavior) is a shitty move. You're a fucking egoist, the worst. Using Jungkook's presence to cope with your emptiness, using someone who doesn’t know shit about your past only to feel something again… God, you’re a fucking bitch.

Jungkook should slam the door against your nose. But he doesn't.

You move a foot backward, though.

He straightens himself when he catches your movement, pulling himself out of his own daze. “HiNoona…"

And this makes you stop.

Everything inside of you, and outside of your own small bubble, stops.

Noona… . he wasn't calling you like this in a little while. Not with such a serious tone, at least. Panic suddenly cripples up your heart, you feel weak in your knees at the thought (the certainty?) that he'll chase you out.

“Hi…" You manage to say, feebly. Your stare shakes before his big eyes, it drops on his baggy t-shirt long enough to cover his pyjamas-boxers. His casual clothing, accentuated by some spots of paint scattered across his garments, screams that he was probably minding his own business and you're interrupting him. "Sorry for bumping in here so late—" words fade into a small chuckle when Bam jumps around you, excited by your presence. "Hey, you..." you crouch down, cupping his muzzle. You take advantage of this sudden moment of distraction to recollect all the words you've memorized in your mind during your walk; but they flee from you, leaving you speechless. You take a glimpse of Jungkook's slippers, sighing. "Sorry… didn't mean to bother you."

Jungkook of a few weeks ago would have smiled and told you that you aren't a bother, that he's happy to have you here.

Today, Jungkook doesn't smile. He shrugs and says, "I was painting. I couldn't sleep… But you're a bit late, blowjobs-hour has finished at 12:05 PM. You should come back tomorrow."

Your eyes grow bigger as you pin them upon his face, cheeks flushed for his brazen comment.

12:05 PM. The hour when you left him…

You carefully sketch the light frown between his knitted brows with your eyes only; the stiffening in his jawline; the glint of disappointment in his somber gaze… it's the first time Jungkook displays an emotion akin to annoyance since you've met, and you feel awful from making him reach such limit. Throughout the past months, he's always been so quiet and gentle that more than once you've wondered if he's ever been crossed by intense feelings such as rage and resentment.

It makes you realize that you don't know anything about him…

You chew on your bottom lip, lowering your stare. You could apologize, but it would be pointless. You hear some movement sounds coming from his direction, which makes you think that he's about to go back inside; but there's no clack of door, nor goodbyes.

He rests against the doorframe. "Why did you disappear?" He asks, firm. "Is it - is it because I’m younger? I don’t care about age, I – I’m used to it." He nods to emphasize his comment. "I'm used to dating older women, it's ok. It's really ok to me.”

You try to ignore the sudden pang in your stomach, wondering how many women he slept with. It's not your business.

“It’s also about that.” You mumble, focusing your attention on Bam, unable to look at him. Jungkook isn't dumb, he knows that something else is stopping you from enjoying his company. But it's easier to focus on this visible issue, rather than facing the enormous luggage of ghosts you're carrying with yourself. “You’re twenty three.”

He grunts. “I know. And you’re thirty three. Ten years aren’t that much.”

“They are.”

“No, they aren’t.” He stamps a foot on the ground, like an angry bunny would do. You munch the corner of your mouth to refrain yourself from smiling. “You don’t treat me like a boy… I like it.” He swallows, as if he was pushing back other heavy words.

And he doesn't treat you like a thirty three-year-old.

Jungkook never made a fuss about the age gap between the pair of you. He treated you as an equal, he never made you feel uncomfortable about time notching your body and character as a natural phase of life.

Time, with Jungkook, it's really a senseless concept…

He exhales one of those little mouth-sounds he makes when he's trying to gather his thoughts. "(Y/N)... I'm young, but not so naive to think that a blowjob is some kind of wedding proposal."

"Do you really think that's the problem?" You now dart at him a furious look, offended by his comment.

Jungkook pouts, his hand now running to the opposite elbow to caress it. "Is it for your husband? Did he come - come back?"

"No, he…" words fade in a squelched moan. You swallow the lump in your throat. "He won't be back, don't worry."

He exhales sharply through his nose, frustrated. "Then, why?" He pinches at his arm. "Are the people here the problem? You know I don't care what they say, I—" his words trail off mid-sentence, lips stretching in a thin line. "But you do."

Of course, you do.

You live here. Jungkook will go away at the end of August, but you'll stay here -with your memories and sorrow and rumours whispered behind your back. And you'll be completely alone to face all of this. He'll leave you and you'll become a bracket he'll briefly recount to his new lover -or probably he won't even mention you.

But there's more, in between all of this.

There's so much more that's preventing you from taking a leap of faith toward him…

"It's not only about that.” You sigh, lowering your head. "Listen, I'm sorry. I - I shouldn't have run away, and I shouldn't have disappeared. And I know you're mad at me and you don't want to see me anymore, I deserve it. But I—"

"I want to see you," he interrupts, softly. "I wanted to see you. I still want to see you…" He brushes his thumb on his middle finger to scratch away some paint, the little smiley-emoji tattoo stretches along his skin. "This week was awful… like, you know, when something is missing and you can't enjoy anything…" he casts an embarrassed glance upon you. “Did – didn’t you like it?”

A shiver runs down your spine. God, you loved it so fucking much. And you feel so guilty for putting him in the position of doubting himself…

“It’s not that. You were great.”

Jungkook straightens himself, there's a proud set in his shoulders and his chest swells up so much you can take sight of his tensed pecs adhering to the shirt. And yet, the expression of seriousness and disappointment is still there, hanging between his features.

The area around your eyes swells up, but you push back tears. You aren't in the right position to burst out crying. You stand up, giving one last stroke to Bam, who's now running back to Jungkook.

You tuck some hair behind your ear. "Well—"

"I was about to watch some horrible Netflix series until I fell asleep, eating pop-corns and drinking beers between meals. You know, something very twenty three-year-old- ish ." He lets out a giggle, cheekbones red and stare softening each passing second. “Are you in?”

You hesitate, feeling something warm blazing in your chest. A part of you is deadly scared that this is just a way for him to take his revenge -you know, have a good shag with you one last time before ghosting you (after all, you know very little of his personality); but another part of you is deadly scared that refusing his proposal will be the coup-the-grace to your scarred relationship .

Hesitantly, you break the few steps between you two. You keep your stare low, unable to hold his own. You're about to walk inside when Jungkook situates himself across from you and the doorframe, impeding you to proceed further.

He leans forward, inhaling sharply through his nose when the tip brushes against your hair. “You won’t go away, will you?” his question is a barely whispered hush that makes you want to hold him tight and cry. “You… whatever happens, you won’t leave me like you did last time, will you? It - it hurt… ” he rests a hand upon his chest, where his heart lays. You curl your fingers into fists from refraining yourself from taking it and squeezing it and kissing it. "Don’t leave, (Y/N)...”

Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as you study his face, so close that his warm breath caresses your chin. Without ripping your stare from his own, you grab a sleeve of his shirt, brushing your thumb and pointer on it. You rest your forehead on his shoulder.

You don't promise, but Jungkook lets you in anyway.

When you crack your eyes open, your cheek rests on Jungkook's chest. It raises up and down slowly, regularly, only to lift up for a little longer when he lets out his adorable chuckle or when he talks to himself out loud to comment on the sit-com rolling on his laptop. Still in a haze, you press your ear against his chest to listen better to his beating heart, a tum tum tum sound that reverberates through every inch of you and makes you curl more against him.

"Hey…" he mumbles, noticing that you're now awake. He shifts on his spot, keeping an arm around your shoulder to not let you wriggle away. "You fell asleep almost immediately… you were pretty tired, mh?" He brushes his thumb on the area close to your mouth, giving a small peck on the tip of your nose.

"A bit…" you manage to say, quietly, sinking in his eyes full of constellations.

Jungkook caresses your face with his stare only, lingering on your lips. “You stay, mh?” His voice is low, a gentle brush multifaceted with fear and expectation and sweetness that punches the breath out of you.

When you give him an imperceptible nod, Jungkook cages you into his arms to kiss you, and you accept him without holding back. You let yourself go in the slow kiss he's pulling you in, your hands clinging to his shoulder blades as he rolls your positions to hover over you.

It's a silent way to tell him that you won’t leave, this time.

And you don’t.

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved. In secret. Between the shadow and the soul."

Months and seasons felt all the same since Namjoon's been gone, like time lost every sense; and yet, since you've given in to the attraction you feel for Jungkook, you've started to count days again.

You count the seconds spent to sink in his liquid doe eyes when he stares at you, before leaning down to plant a kiss upon your lips; you count the seconds your fingers spend to wander upon his arms, tracing the bluish veins branching from the back of his hands along his honey-like skin; you count the seconds spent to listen to the meaning behind every single tattoo scattered on his body, when you question about them. You count the minutes for his breath to go back to normal, after the orgasm; you count the minutes his fingers spend in your hair, twiddling with the locks, drawing patterns and doodles on the top of your head. You count the hours made of whispered talk in the darkness of his bedroom, or in the chill breeze of your garden.

Time makes sense again.

Time is Jungkook's voice; his laugh; his glossy eyes; his body above your own; his warm skin against yours. Time is Jungkook's sadness when he mentions his parents. Time is Jungkook's long and deep silences when he thinks about college and the oblivion ahead of him. Time is Jungkook's excitement when he talks about his tattoos or his friends or his upcoming trip to Jeju, once this holiday will be over.

Time is a small opening of barely a few months, and you breathe in every millisecond of it to remind yourself that all this messy tangle of orgasms and confessions and gentle touches will be over soon.

Sat around a table of Min's restaurant, you look outside the window, observing the few persons strolling beyond the glassy surface -mainly tourists, considering you can't recognise their faces. The playful chat of your friends, having dinner with you now that you've all finished your shift, is a muffled sound that hits against the barrier of memories whirling fast in your mind…

"You can't fuck off clients, Yoongi-chi." Seokjin's voice is playful, but notched with a note of complaint. "Thank God your mother's the boss. You'd be on your ass by now…"

(Day 1, Jungkook fucked you on his sofa. His hands under your knees to keep your legs up; your breast glistening wet for the kisses he scattered over there. The smacking sound of his hips colliding against yours; your hands curled around nothing for the pleasure brewing in your groin. His throaty moans; your soundless moans. His orgasm shaped like stuttered breaths, eyes squeezing shut, teeth clamping at his bottom lip . You felt his thick, warm liquid against your walls, it made you come too…)

Yoongi snaps his tongue. "That dude deserved it. Making fun of my blue hair, tsk." He pours some beer in his glass, poking his tongue on his cheek.

(Day 2, Jungkook kissed you under the old tree close to the mountain trails. You were sitting on his lap, his hand on your cheek to keep your head firm into position as his tongue languidly grazed yours. He whispered in your ear that he'd like to fuck you here, in this precise instant, his low voice sent shivers down your spine. Once back to your home, you sucked him off in the small hall before you could reach the sofa…)

Seokjin gapes at him. " He's five years old, for God's sake!"

"Better educate him now!"

(Day 5, Jungkook fucked you on the couch, still wearing your clothes on. His trousers down his calves, the sleeves of your dress along your arms. You moved slowly on top of him, gyrating your hips to feel him more, his hands gripping at your waist to guide the pace. Strawberry in his breath, lemonade on your tongue. Red spots on his neck, kisses prints shining wet on your exposed cleavage. The light coming from his laptop bathed your figures in a bluish hue that created shapeless doodles on the pleasure molding his face. Between moans, he whispered that he imagined you two like this the very first time you talked to him at the park. Before being washed by the orgasm, he admitted he jerked off in the shower, thinking of you…)

You shift on your spot, legs squeezing tight for the sudden warmth spreading along your folds. Unable to control the fantasies unfolding in the back of your eyelids, you rest your chin on your fist, face flushed and legs shaking.

It's incredible how Jungkook is pretty honest when it comes to sex: there's firmness in his voice when he admits that you're always on his mind when he touches himself; there's yearning in his words when he vocalizes his desires while you're fucking -the resoluteness in telling you what he wants you to do to him, what he likes.

You should feel your heart sink upon the realization that Jungkook is using you only to fill his time and take care of his libido; but… now that you think of it, it's probably for the best that he makes sure to remark that you two are meant for being a summer fling so shamelessly. It's a good way to remind yourself that you're just orgasms and sex, swiping away every silly hope—!

"You are—(Y/N), say something!" Seokjin slaps his hands on his thighs, recalling your attention.

You straighten yourself, staring at him with a vague stare. You blink twice, racking your brain frantically to understand why he's now talking to you, and what you should actually reply to. However, no matter how hard you put your thinking cap on, you don't have a clue of the crux of their conversation.

You take a sip of your beer, aware that they won't let you breathe for your lack of participation. "What?"

Jin doesn't seem annoyed by your behavior. Actually, he grins widely. "Someone here is distracted." His eyes crinkle in the corner in a malicious way that has your cheekbones reddening. "Don't worry, we know what's filling your thoughts. Or better, who ."

Yoongi swallows a slice of steamed pork, eyes pinned to the various side dishes. "Muscled, doe-eyed, with piercings and tattoos. And I bet he's got a pretty enchanting—"

"Ugh, Yoongi-chi, I'm eating!" Seokjin twitches his mouth, the piece of lettuce slips from his chopsticks and falls on his rice bowl.

" Heart . I was about to say: heart!"

You let out a soft chuckle, grateful that Yoongi redirected the discussion on a more lighthearted note.

Nevertheless, Jin isn't intent to let this sink. "So? What were you thinking?"

"Nothing…" you blow out, diverting your stare.

(Day 8, Jungkook fucked you in the shower. He asked you to follow him after a long afternoon spent hiking and chasing after your dogs -his hair pulled back with a hairband, drops of sweat glistening like tiny diamonds on his honey-like skin. He pulled into you slowly, contemplating your arched spine with parted lips and a glint of excitement in his eyes. His hands gripped hard at your hips to guide you in the rhythm of his thrusts. Between moans and curls of breaths he said your back is beautiful, that he'd love to draw something on it. Between moans and soundless orgasms, he sprinkled your shoulders with kisses, twirling his arms around your middle. Jungkook didn't pull away after coming. He stayed there like this, into you, for a very long, long, long time. For the first time, his fingers intertwined with your own…)

"What?" You ask, feeling their stares boring through your skin like they were trying to open your skull and catch your train of thoughts.

"Nothing. We are just very, very, very disappointed that you aren't telling your best friends anything about your boytoy." Seokjin claims, pouty.

You scrunch your nose, nibbling at a slice of seafood pancake. "Ugh, stop calling him like this. You're making me feel like a cougar." You refrain yourself from hitting Seokjin's knee under the table when he admits he'd love to turn into a sugar-daddy someday in the future. "And we don't do anything special, there's nothing to recount."

(Day 11, Jungkook laughed brightly into your ear while laying on his bed, sheets crumpled and rolled at your feet, his naked body bathed of a feeble sunlight seeping through the mist that the rain left behind. He was resting on his tummy, legs swinging back and forth in a childish mannerism as he looked at you through his lashes, admiring the bits of hair scattered along the pillow and your face. His hand on your bare stomach, your fingers dancing along his tattooed arm. You sketched the contours of the inked microphone and he confessed he took it because he used to play in a band when he was in high school -he wanted to become a great rockstar, someone who stays on a stage and sees an ocean of fans singing his own songs. With sadness tugging at the corners of his mouth, he said he stopped singing since he's dropped out of college. With a sheepish smile on his face, he said that he sings a lot more lately when he does his little daily things like cooking or taking Bam out or drawing. With a shadow of sweetness weighing upon his lids, he said that he started doing it again since you've welcomed him into your life. You drank his honest words with a gasp that stuck in your throat, like air was missing in your lungs…)

Yoongi pours some soju into his glass, arching a brow. "I don't know. The way he looked at you tonight doesn't seem nothing to me." A smirk etches itself across his face, flushed for the liters of alcohol he already gulped. "His face was bursting when you greeted him."

"C'mon, you're exaggerating."

"'M not. Trust me, I could've cooked an egg on those cheeks." Seokjin leans better against his seat back, scrutinizing the skepticism dancing along your features. "You don't want to know how his eyes turned bright whenever you were bending over a table. Guess he's gotta a huge thing for your butt—"

"Did you already have your doggy-style moment?" Yoongi asks, shamelessly.

"Oh, geez, stop you two…"

( Day 12, Jungkook's kisses are butterflies fluttering around your belly. Through your lashes, you studied the creases of your skirt rolled up to your tummy, heart thumping fast in your throat in the anticipation of his mouth resting on your warm center. Blood pumped up to your face for his hot breath on your wet folds, your walls contracted around nothing when he placed a kiss on your clit. And another. And another… The tip of his tongue flickering languidly on that plump button full of nerves made you squirm and moan, his fingers pulling into you at the pace of your breath made you see stars hanging on the ceiling. You came upon his mouth, back arching and brain shutting off for a couple of seconds that stretched to infinity. Despite the hard bulge caged in his briefs, Jungkook didn't want you to pay him back with a good blowjob. He just stared at you, eyes shining wet. For the first time, he told you that you're beautiful. For the first time in a very long while, you didn't run away from someone who tells you that you're beautiful..)

"So?"

Yoongi fills your mutism. "Mom says you're going out together."

You cast a glance upon the window. "We... We aren't going out together. Not in the way you or your mother thinks."

(Day 14, you sucked Jungkook off in your kitchen. Soy sauce and ginger flavor floating in the air, the water boiling. He was leaning against the furniture, his trousers and boxers down to his calves, his hands grabbing hard around the hem of the t-shirt pulled up enough to reveal his sculpted stomach, muscles flexing at every surge of pleasure. Bluish veins were pulsing and branching along his arms as he hardly tried to not thrust into your mouth faster. He tilted his head back, gasping for air, and incoherently mumbled something about you giving amazing blowjobs. You let him come in your mouth…)

"Mom told me she sees you go out every morning around 9:00 AM, and you come back around noon. There's a pretty curious four hours gap there..." Seokjin analyzes.

"We just take a walk around, or we take our dogs out for a walk." You let out a bored sigh, shaking your bottle to understand how much beer is left. "He's practically using me as a tourist guide, that's all."

"My mom saw you leave his house at 5:00 AM once." Yoongi barges in, peacefully.

"Oh, my—"

Seokjin frowns. "Why was your mother already awake at that hour?"

"She says menopause doesn't make her sleep, I don't know." Yoongi flaps a hand, setting his amused stare on your flushed face. "So? What were you doing there?"

(Day 19, Jungkook asked you to stay the night. A movie, the tea getting colder on his night table, whispered words on his pillow in the darkness of his bedroom.

He recounted about his lovely odd best friend Taehyung, who seemed to be born in the wrong epoch; about his childhood friend Jimin, and the little quarrel they had for having a huge crush over the same classmate during elementary school; about the boundless affection he feels for them. His fingers danced along your palm, followed the natural creases notching your skin, curled around your own in a soft grasp he hasn't disentangled even once. You told him about Seokjin, who was the first to treat you and Namjoon like you weren't two strangers; about Yoongi, who used to spill every tiny doubt to Namjoon whenever he felt the world crumbling beneath his feet; about the brightness they shed into your life. You captured Namjoon's name in an open-mouthed kiss before he could question you about him.

With goosebumps dancing along your bare skin, you engulfed Jungkook inch by inch, fucked him at your own pace. For the first time, Jungkook breathed out your name while coming into you. For the first time, Jungkook clung at you during your sleep and mumbled your name along your nape. For the very first time in a long while, you didn't run away from someone who hugs you in your sleep and says your name with so much fondness…)

"We watched a movie and I fell asleep. I went away as soon as I woke up," you say, vaguely, feeling your heart beating in every inch of you.

"And you think we'll buy it?" Seokjin snaps his tongue. "C'mon, tell us something about him."

"I imagine you'll talk between a blowjob and another."

You dart an annoyed glance at Yoongi, Seokjin lets out his windshield laughter, capturing the attention of a group of girls not so far from your table.

You rack your brain to search for the bare minimum and harmless information you can spill about Jungkook.

"He... He was born in Busan, and moved to Seoul to study but dropped out of university. His best friend told him he could use his grandparents' house until he understands what he wants to do with his life."

"Oh, the college-crisis, we all went through it at some point."

Seokjin scrunches his nose. "Speak to yourself. I never had problems." He turns to you -not before raising his glass of wine in the direction of the girls, making them giggle (you'd like to tell him that they've probably become adults a few days ago, but you aren't in the right position to talk). "And what was he studying?"

"Filmography. He loves editing videos and such." Sweetness shapes your mouth in a small smile that reaches your eyes. "He made me see some projects he made for his classes. He's talented…"

"Aw…" Seokjin chuckle sinks you back down to earth. "We've finally found the director for our first Yoongi's MV. Wait, how was your stage name back in high school? AugustD—"

"Fuck off! I don't accept jokes from someone who used to call himself worldwide-handsome for absolutely no reason!" Yoongi's voice raises two notches higher, his fingers running to scratch the back of his crimson ear.

"What are you saying, sweetheart? I still call myself worldwide-handsome !"

(Day 23, Jungkook knocked at your door around 10:00 PM, unannounced. His eyes were red and puffy, traces of ghostly tears were gliding down his cheeks. Betweens sips of breath, he told you he had an argument with his parents on the phone because he doesn't know if he wants to go back to studying -he doesn't know what to do. They told him he's wasting his future, and you felt the area around your eyes swelling up while he tried to clean his face with the back of his hands. He asked if he could stay, and you let him in, heart falling into pieces at every soft sob tumbling off his mouth. You kept him close in a soft embrace while watching a movie, his ear resting on your chest. Wrapped in a cozy silence, you asked him if he wanted you to blow him; he said : no, maybe later, it's ok like this .

The next morning, he hugged you from behind while you were watering Namjoon's bonsai. Jungkook inhaled sharply through his nose before sinking his face on your shoulder, blowing a soft: " Thank you, (Y/N). I feel a lot better." that punched the breath out of you.

For the first time after days made of orgasms and chase each other's pleasure, you didn't fuck…)

"And, did he choose what to do?" Yoongi stretches to grab a piece of lettuce, he uses it to wrap it around a slice of pork.

You shake your head, sipping your beer. "He still doesn't know. He'd like to go back to studying. Other times, he'd like to pack his things and travel around the world. Some other times, he'd like to find a job and settle himself. He's a bit confused..."

Yoongi nods, swallowing. "I think it'd be a great stripper. Or a good porn actor. But, well, you're the only one who can judge this."

( Day 30, Jungkook confessed that his first time had been in fourth grade. She was a year older, she used to tutor him in math. She had a pair of brown eyes that glistened every time he looked at her, and a bright smile that made his stomach painfully twirl. She was the first kiss in an empty street after years upon years spent watching rom-com anime, wondering how it'd be; she was the first time in her bedroom when her parents were away for the weekend, the last album of IU rolling in her stereo, her thighs wrapped around his waist like a vise as he contemplated her moving upon him. They stayed together for a year, then she dumped him for a college student -a friend of her sister, apparently.

Between giggles and sheepish smiles, he admitted that she broke his heart in a million, tiny pieces, because he was too much in deep with her. His fingers were curled around your own for the entire duration of his tale while you were strolling along the trail that leads to the river, throwing some stones and twigs to make Bam and Moon play. Gasping once, he said that he has never had many girlfriends; actually, he's too lazy even for embarking into friends-with- benefits affairs, because they require a good dose of strength and patience to not let your feelings grow. Sinking in your attentive stare, he said that he prefers staying on his own because he isn't cut for serious relationships; because he isn't good at taking care of another human being's needs. While he was taking off a leaf from your hair, he smiled sweetly, and told you that lately he thinks about his life in two.

Also that day, you didn't fuck…)

Seokjin's chuckle fades into Yoongi's curses, mumbled under his breath. "What did he say about Namjoon?" His smile trembles, flips off his face slowly before your persistent silence. "You told him about Namjoon, didn't you?"

You take a breath but it sticks in your throat. "Not… exactly."

Yoongi curses again, turning to you. "(Y/N), holy shit, c'mon… what the fuck are you waiting for?!"

( Day 35, Jungkook asked you what's behind the locked door close to the kitchen, observing Moonie laying in front of it every single second of his day, like he was desperately waiting for someone to get out of that room anytime soon. While you were folding some of your clothes, piled up beside his hoodie smelling of lemon, you told him that it's Namjoon's studio -full of all the things he left behind; of all the things you've hidden to feel his absence less. Abandoning the comic that was laying on his lap, Jungkook neared you and kissed your left eyelid, your cheekbone, your mouth. Brushing some hair away from your face, he told you that your husband is an idiot for going away, leaving so many important things. You, above them all. Letting out a high-pitched giggle, he told you that he's ready to kick his ass when he'll be back for all the suffering he caused you. With your heart dropping in your stomach, you swallowed back the truth, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

Also that day, you didn't fuck…)

Yoongi darts you a judging stare, brows snapping together. "You know that the longer you wait, the worse it will be." He pokes the tip of his tongue on his cheeks. "You'll break his heart."

You lower your stare, picturing Jungkook's precious smile fading away from his face…

Seokjin curls his lips. "I'm not a saint, but starting a story based on lies isn't exactly a good thing…"

Your heart squeals when the picture of Namjoon suddenly appears in the back of your mind and blends with Jungkook's, who's filling your heart and mind little by little.

"(Y/N)—"

"Can - can we talk about something else?" You interrupt, massaging your temples. "Jin, tell us more about your new job."

"Honey, you know that I love being the center of attention… but I'm not going to monopolize the conversation with my amazing life in the big city until you tell us what's between you two."

"Ok, we sometimes fuck. Can we move on?"

"We already know you two fuck. Even my mother knows you fuck him," Yoongi barges in, still annoyed for your incapacity to talk about Namjoon openly. "We want the details."

"Like, not those kinds of details. But, like, is he good? Do you like it?"

"He's…" amazing . "Good."

Seokjin nods. "And so? What are you two exactly?"

( Day 36, Jungkook asked you to tell him about Namjoon. To recount exactly how you two met, who was the first to ask each other out; if it was love at first sight, if it took him a lot to sort out his feelings for you, if you always knew he was the right one. He asked you about his wedding proposal, about the wedding itself. Watermelon juice drooled on your chin as you watched him stroll in your garden, studying Bam busy chasing a butterfly. The warm summer breeze was twiddling with his hair, now long enough to be worn in a tiny half-tail; the expectation floating in his eyes was so intense to make the mild queasiness in your stomach brew. Capturing every tiny detail of him, you thought that something will surely miss when he won't be here anymore. Brushing away from your chin a rivulet of juice with his thumb, he asked you if you are still in love with Namjoon. You replied to every single question tumbled off his mouth, except for this one. This one was too much. Jungkook stopped questioning you about your past, aware he crossed the invisible line you had traced from the very beginning. Curling his fingers around the fabric of your smooth summer dress, his lips melted against your own in a kiss that took your breath away. Upon the gentle touch of the tip of his tongue, you thought you heard him say a soft: "I hate I was - was born so late" while his fingers were tucking some hair behind your ear.

You don't fuck that day either…)

"I… don't know." You shake your head, trying to maintain a bit of rationality. "It's not like we've talked about us, or we felt the need to label this. We just live day by day…"

"Well, I guess you sort of put things cleared before starting this… thing ," Seokjin inspects, unsure.

"Not really, no. It happened, and we didn't stop." You trail your stare to the empty bottle of soju, Yoongi's stare scorches your skin. "We sometimes fuck, we sometimes don't. A casual thing."

(Day 40, today afternoon. Jungkook asked you if you could spend the day together, but you told him that you promised Jin and Yoongi to have dinner together after your shift. With a glint of sadness floating in his doe eyes, he undressed you slowly, studied every inch of your skin crossed by goosebumps as if this was your last moment on earth together; with a bitter taste in your mouth, you took off every single cloth from his figure, tracing every inch of him with your fingers. Your first orgasm was shaped in a small moan brushed upon his mouth as he pulled his fingers into you, eyes pinned to your face. He used your juices to pump himself a bit, eyes still locked to yours. He pushed the tip against your wet folds, contemplating your lips swollen for the kisses, the shreds of pleasure scattered on your face, indulging in your irregular breath. He pulled into you gently, staring at you through his lashes. You clung at his shoulder blades, your heels pressed against his buttcheeks as he thrusted slowly. Slowly. So slowly you couldn't feel the end. Jungkook didn't take his eyes off your own for a second. You felt… loved , for a very brief moment. Then, you came again, he came, and you forgot about it.

It tasted like a goodbye fuck…)

"But… What if he's just waiting for you to say something? After all, your situation is way more complicated than his own." Seokjin throws a glance at Yoongi, still annoyed and silent.

A shiver travels down your spine. You think about Jungkook's luggage resting at the feet of his bed, about the clothes already folded in it. You think about the happiness sprinkled all over his face when he talks about Jeju, about the fact that he can't wait to go away with his friends…

"I don't think he wants something more from me." You clench your hands into fists around your knees.

You think about the long kiss he gave you before going back home, today afternoon. About his barely whispered: " Come back to my place when you've finished with your friends, please " that crippled you from head to toe…

"Why?"

You lose the grip around your knees, your fingers run to caress your wedding ring. "He's going to leave at the end of August."

" Tell me about your heart, how it stole breath from my lungs and still warmed my veins"

Summer's closure is shaped with Jungkook's airy laughter, constellations shining wet in his doe eyes, and drops of sweat gliding along his temples, gently sketching his sharp features down to his chin.

Kissed by the morning sunlight that bathes the village, Jungkook is improvising some boxing moves in your backyard garden, fighting against an invisible opponent. He rhythmically jumps back and forth on his toes and heels, keeping his fists high across from his face. There's a little frown of concentration between his knitted brows, jaw clenched for the effort to keep his utmost attention focused on his task before punching the air.

From time to time, Bam seems to welcome his movements like an invitation to play along with him, because he trots around him before jumping and laying his paws on his stomach, interrupting his training. In those moments, the mask of seriousness drops off his face, liquefying in hues of happiness that morph his eyes into two half-moons crinkled in the corner.

In those moments, you can't help but wonder if happiness can have more than a name and a face…

Jungkook lets out a high-pitched chuckle and your brain instantly shuts off, reminding you that any melody in the whole world could compare with such a marvelous sound -so you must pay your utmost attention, you can't lose even the tiniest bits of it; you need to learn that tune by heart, for when emptiness will be all that's left.

Drawn by his sudden euphoria, you distract yourself from the grocery list sitting in your notebook, trailing your eyes on him.

Sitting under a tree, you take in the sight of his bare torso, sketching with your eyes only every well-defined line that makes him a work of art in flesh and bones. You follow a single drop of sweat skimming between his toned pecs, gently crossing its way to his belly button amidst the shining sweaty dew condensed on his abdominals, finally diverting its path only to crash against the hem of his pajama-boxers that runs along his narrow waist. You chew on your bottom lip, a bit disappointed for that useless barrier made of cotton that impedes you to take a glimpse of his gracious crotch.

Jungkook exhales a light giggle when Bam nudges his muzzle on his leg, in a desperate search of cuddles. He hunches over him and places his hands under his ears, mumbling incoherent words in a high-pitched tone he only uses with his beloved dog or Moonie (or whatever is small and cute and adorable). He lifts his chin up and little when Bam tries to lick his cheek, eyes immediately darting in your direction. His lips open in a beaming smile that's warmer than the hot weather blessing this Sunday, it makes goosebump rise along your skin.

At that sight you've witnessed a thousand times throughout the past months, a feeble thought crosses your mind, snapping you back down to earth.

Next week, Jungkook will leave.

Jungkook will jump on a rickety little van with his two best friends and will cross the pebbly street that passes through your residential area backward. Jungkook will go to Jeju along with people around his age and will soon forget about this village nestled between the mountains -about a woman ten years older than him who went hiking with him and fucked him on her couch and gave him a blowjob in his kitchen and laughed brightly at his jokes and held her breath whenever his fingers intertwined with her own and hugged him tight tight when tears rolled down his cheeks.

Next week, August will approach its curtain calls and with it, this little bracket of sheer summer carefreeness you've shared…

The corners of your mouth pull up in the slightest in an attempt of a smile, but you divert your stare whisper-quick, too caught up in your own thoughts to sink in his pretty big eyes. With a little sigh withering in your lungs, you go back to focusing on your grocery list, tapping the back of the pen on the page. You try to focus on the various things scattered on the paper, trying to remember what's missing in your pantry, but your mind keeps drifting back to the boy having fun in your backyard -on the unbridgeable void that he'll surely leave behind.

You sometimes ask yourself if Jungkook has ever been crossed by your same impulse to talk about his imminent departure -about this necessity to label the bond you've developed day by day; but, as you let your mind wander back in time through all the moments you've shared, it's crystal clear that he isn't affected by the situation.

In all honesty, you haven't touched upon this topic. It's not like you've avoided it or pushed it back to bring it out at a more appropriate moment. It's just… neither of you two has ever felt the urge to tackle it: you've let things flow naturally, like your lives were meant to intertwine only for a season and it's now the time to let them wither. And yet, there were times where words were clogging your throat: you could feel them piling up in your mouth while he was kissing you; the moment before and after an orgasm; when Namjoon's memory pinched at your heart in a sad grip; when you were at the utmost of your happiness.

It's a good thing, the fact that Jungkook took everything so light-heartedly: it means that he's ready to let this thing (you) go.

It means that this thing (you) wasn't important…

It'll be easier to go back to your usual life made of small things and dusty memories of your beloved husband, knowing that Jungkook won't be a piece of your existencial puzzle anymore.

Your thumb desperately searches for your wedding ring, brushes upon it with delicacy.

Despite your certainties, though, you can't help but wonder how long it'll take for your brain to forget about Jeon Jungkook. You wonder how little it'll take him to forget about you…

"What are you going to do when summer ends?" Jungkook's sudden question breaks through your consciousness, wafts over you with a bit of uncertainty that titillates your curiosity. "I mean… what do you usually do?" He clarifies, when you finally make eye contact.

You observe his hands pulling back his sweaty hair to twirl it in a small tail on top of his head, fixing all the bits that don't fit in the elastic. "I go to work…" you manage to say, casting a quick glance at his tensed thighs as he uses his calves like a cushion. "And… I hang out with Jin and Yoongi, I take care of my house when I've some free time. Nothing much, actually." You let out a soft chuckle. "Why?"

He shrugs, caressing his tattooed arm. "I don't know… i'd be nice to see that side - side of your life, too." Words tumble off his tongue with seriousness, eyes fixed on your face for the whole time.

Your heart lurches in your chest, and a sense of sheer panic insinuates at its spot, now empty… you try to part your lips, but the tension is so thick in your muscles to cripple you from head to toe.

It's… important .

His little wish is extremely important. It means that he also wants to spend his autumn and maybe winter and maybe spring and maybe back to summer with you… it means he wants to stay with you.

You shake your head (you're probably misinterpreting the true meaning behind his words. It must be so). "The boring part of me?"

"Don't think it'll be boring, but yeah… the boring part of you." He munches the corner of his mouth, where the piercing circles the flesh. "Pretty sure I'm boring too, somehow." He lets out a small chuckle, stare shifting to Moonie, peacefully resting on the porch.

"You aren't…" it escapes in a barely whispered hush, buttered with that scorching tenderness that gushes out every time he puts himself down. He lifts his head up back again to look at you and you instinctively bend your legs close to your chest in a sort of protection, despite the many steps that keep you apart. "Anyway, believe me, there's nothing exciting in my life or this village when summer is over," you cut short the conversation, hoping that your sudden closure will refrain him from delving further into it.

You're ready to let him go, he must go…

Jungkook stays still, clenches his hands into fists only to unfold them soon after. After a few seconds, he stands up, tilting his head to both sides to crack his neck. His footfalls waft over you delicately, your heart squeals and smashes against your chest at every inch that nullifies beneath his feet, and it drops into your twirled stomach when the boy is now across from you, hiding the sunlight behind his body. He must have sensed something is off in your recent behavior, because he leans over you slowly, as if he was dealing with a wild animal ready to dash away. Starry eyes locked into yours, he rests his hands beneath your knees and gently pulls you forward to situate himself between your legs, now twirled around his waist. Jungkook shifts on his spot to lay comfortably, grazing your covered center with his crotch.

Shivers travel down your spine, the thin hair on your nape raises up as your mind drifts back to the night you've spent in your bedroom -his bare body resting on the same portion that used to belong to Namjoon (you suddenly want to throw up). You can still feel his languid stare set on your hands gently guiding his dick into you, engulfing him inch by inch by inch; you can still feel his fingers digging into your hips, following a pace marked by the throaty groans flying out his parted lips; you can still hear your name reverberating through the small room in a squelched melody morphed into an orgasm -gentle, soft, just like Namjoon used to do when you took care of his pleasure (you suddenly want to throw up. And shove him away. And cry).

Jungkook inhales sharply through his nose, placing a long kiss on your cheek. And another. And another…

You let out a giggle, unable to wriggle out of his grip. "Hey, calm down. Someone here is trying to act like a proper adult ." You joke, tapping the back of the pen on his shoulder.

"Haven't you finished yet?" His bottom lip juts out. "The youngster here is bored." He playfully complains, the trail of feather-like pecks travels toward your ear. "Can't we just - just go to the supermarket and put all that we want in the shopping cart?"

"I'm too broke for that. Guess you chose the wrong cougar."

Jungkook lets out an airy laughter that sets in your lungs and chest, filling them to the brim. He gives you a quick kiss on your mouth before laying gently on top of you, his ear pressed against your breast. Curling his fingers around the fabric of your shirt, he exhales a chuckle for absolutely no reason -and it makes you all warm inside, the idea that happiness might cocoon him just because you and him are together.

You let out a sigh, a small smile etching itself on your face. "Guess I can take a small break..." You twirl an arm around his shoulders, while the other hand twiddles with the tiny tail.

Jungkook inhales sharply through his nose, indulging in your strokes. "(Y/N)... There's something I want to ask you." His voice is low, a little trembling, it's barely audible in the persistent chirp of birds all around you. He exhales one of those mouth-sounds he makes when he's fumbling for words and a gush of panic starts brewing in the abyss of your chest. "I was thinking… it's been a little - little while actually, but what if… ahm, would you mind if I stay?"

You swallow, ignoring the possibility that there might be something deeper behind his question (after all, you're ready to let him go. He must go).

"For lunch? Sure. What would you like to eat?" You grab a lock falling over his forehead and curl it between your fingers. "But, ugh, someone here is impeding me to go to the supermarket. We'll probably have to eat flowers and grass."

He chuckles softly, his cheek brushes on your breast when he shakes his head. "I didn't - didn't mean only today. But… you know - you know that I've to leave soon, but I was thinking… I can stay ."

Oh…

Your muscles tense up all at once. His words are the prelude of a scary conversation you thought (prayed and hope) would never exist, and Jungkook pronounces it with absolute quietness -as if he accepted that things have to go in this way; but, at the same time, you can manage for you two to have a sense even after his departure.

A huge void opens in the pit of your stomach, sucks your heart in and triturates it in a pulpy mess; but still you can hear its beat frantically thumping in every inch of you.

"I can stay next week, too. And also the other one. And the other..." He hesitates before turning to gaze up at you, basking in the thick silence you're giving him back. Eyes shining wet, brimmed with fear of rejection, he sinks in your wide stare. "We can be - be together…"

You gasp once. And twice. And a third time. But air doesn't seep in, it sticks in your dry throat and doesn't travel down to your lungs. You feel like fainting.

Does Jungkook really want to stay here? With you?

Why?

He can't. He must go away.

This village can't offer him anything. You can't offer him anything. You… you've your life here. A simple life with anything extraordinary happening and-and why would he ever accept this bore? Him, who wants to live his existence at its fullest and doesn't like to stay in the same place for a long time… it'd be like caging him. What if you let him stay and then he gets bored and suddenly leaves? Soon you'll go back to your working days, you won't have so much time to dedicate to him and… and he'll realize that you aren't as carefree as you are during summer. This ten-year-gap between you two will become palpable, and he'll regret having wasted his young days time with you.

And Namjoon…

And there's Namjoon, too. What if Namjoon will never leave your heart? What if Jungkook's presence will make you forget about the incredible man who helped you to turn into the woman you're today?

You love Namjoon with every fiber of your being, and you aren't ready to let him go… but you are ready to let Jungkook go, you are…

Are you?

"No…" this simple word flies out your mouth above a whisper, but hits him like a slap in his face, because he immediately pulls himself away from you.

Jungkook's eyes grow wider, the liquid sparks floating into them dangerously flicker. "W - what?" His smile quivers, withers upon the visible trembling in your shoulders. "(Y/N), I—" He sits on the grass using his feet like a little cushion and gives you the saddest look you've ever seen on someone's face (it breaks your heart into a million pieces). "W… why not?"

You put yourself into a stretched position, moving backward to lean against the tree. "You… you can't stay. You can't."

He frowns, fingers curling around nothing. "I can't…"

"No, I mean… you shouldn't." You bend your legs close to your chest. "You should—you had plans with your friends. And to go back to Busan, you—" you moisten your trembling lips. "Why would you ever want to stay here?"

Jungkook's eyelids flutter fast in surprise. "Because you are here… " his confession is genuine, firm, like he thought a lot about it and this idea calcified in his heart and mind. "I can go to Jeju another time. And to Busan, too. The fact is… no matter where I go, I think I'll keep coming back here." His hand runs to grab at the opposite bicep. "I… want to stay here, with you, and try . We work pretty well together."

You swallow. "Jungkook, you don't belong here."

"You didn't belong here either."

"But I've got a job here, and I moved with Namjoon—" his name tastes bitterly on your palate. "My life is here. You, instead, you—"

"I'm a boy who doesn't know what to do with his life," he interrupts, bitterly smiling. "But I'm young, I've all the time to understand what's the best for me—"

Namjoon used to say the same. That he was still young, he had all the time to do many things and visit many places. He told you that you two had all your whole life ahead of you, together… but that's not true. That's a fucking lie. Time… time is fleeting. Time doesn't care about anyone. Time grabs what's important to you and obliges you to keep going without it, dealing with the smothering absence every single day…

"I'm—things won't be like this, when summer will end," you fumble for words, setting your stare on everything except for him -who's sad, but hopeful. "Soon I'll go back to work, I won't have much time to dedicate to you. I'll be… nervous and angry and—"

"I don't care, I want to try anyway," he interrupts, softly, unperturbed about the eventuality that things might crumble at the first hint of adversity. "I… I want to see if we work well also when things get hard. Aren't you curious?"

You are. And you aren't. The fact is that you were so convinced that Jungkook would leave, you didn't think too much about you two together -and now that he's offering you this chance on a silver plate, you're frightened to death: if things fuck up, it'll be easy for him to move on and find another place, but you… you'll be left here alone to recollect all the pieces of your shattered heart and you can't do this to it (to you) anymore. If things will work, instead, you'll risk replacing Namjoon's memory and you can't do this to him, you—!

Your fingers run to grab at your wedding ring. They caress it convulsively, like your whole life depended on it. "It's just a summer fling…" you mumble, vaguely, talking to yourself rather than with him.

"It had to be…" but Jungkook hears you perfectly, and barges in with absolute peacefulness. Resoluteness streams in his eyes, and you can't help but be scared of all his honesty and yearning of trying. "(Y/N), I do l—" he chews on his bottom lip, swallowing whatever he was about to tell you. His stare trails to your ring, and a small sigh leaves his mouth. "Is it because of your husband?"

A burst of rage suddenly fogs your mind, notches your voice and words in a high-pitched trembling. "Why do you always have to talk about him?!"

"Because you still love him!" A vibrant flush spreads to the tip of his ears, hands clenched into fists. The annoyance flickers between his tensed features, as if he was finally releasing every ounce of it. "Because you still love him and I don't get how can you still love an idiot who left you—"

An idiot…

"He made you come here, and then he left. And you - you're still waiting for him and—"

Namjoon isn't an idiot…

"And I don't get it! If you love him so fucking much why don't you just call him and ask him to - to try again, instead of wallowing in self-pity—"

"Namjoon is dead …"

The seriousness of your words don't impact your mind the exact moment they fly out your mouth. Actually, it takes you quite a few seconds to process what you've just said. Without shedding tears. Without screaming or raising your voice.

The truth you've hidden from Jungkook for all these months is shaped with quietness (with the same quietness you've asked him if he preferred a toast or cereal, this morning, when he hugged you from behind to announce his presence).

You tuck some hair behind your ear, unable to look at the boy across from you -you don't want to see what type of expression is dawning on his face right now, you couldn't stand it.

"Namjoon, he… we didn’t divorce. He… he passed away. A year and a half ago, he took a bike ride and a car, ahm—" You munch the corner of your mouth, the area around your eyes swells up.

You still feel the metallic smell of blood in the air, the warmth of tears streaming down your scarlet cheeks, the powerfulness of a scream you've squelched into your throat, the warmth of Seokjin and Yoongi's embrace when you felt weak in your knees.

Everything is so vivid, as if you were living that moment every single day of your existence…

Jungkook's expression changes. It looks like a leaf curling on itself at the first touch of winter. There's… disappointment; surprise; shame. He looks like someone who wants to put as much distance as possible between you two…

"You didn't tell me…" he mumbles, shaking his head. "You… you said you - you divorced, you—"

"I didn't," you interrupt, "You talked about divorce."

"Ah. So it's my fault?!"

"No, I just—I just grabbed the occasion." Your stare shakes before his frown, so you lower it to search for a safe spot but everything in Jungkook's body is so tensed up for the rage you feel your heart dropping in the pit of your stomach.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

Because Jungkook had to leave at the end of August, so why bother?

"I… don't want to talk about him with you."

Because it's easier, like this. It's easier to keep him close to your heart if you mention Namjoon as little as possible. It's easier to smother in the bud every emotion arising for another man if you treat your husband like a wanderer who's lost his way back home.

Waiting for someone who will never return reminds you that you loved him with every inch of you, with every breath you've taken -and you don't want to know if someone as special as him does exist because it doesn't feel quite right…

A faint crackling sound coming from Jungkook's direction catches your attention. He slowly stands up, heavily, like his whole body was made of iron and cement. You briefly take a glimpse of his face, brimmed with creases of sadness that have you turning to the other side.

Jungkook scratches his nape. “It's better - better if I go home. I've got some things to do.” Without looking at you, he gives you a small smile -so small that you can read between its cracks.

Jungkook won't search for you anymore.

It’s too much for him. He’s twenty three after all. Why should he put up with a woman whose past is a luggage full of ghosts that she doesn't want to let go? Why should he spend his days with someone who doesn't trust him enough to share a huge piece of herself?

Why should he stay with you, when you treated him like a boy worth only a summer?

The only thing Jungkook leaves to you is his low voice as he calls Bam, patting a hand on his thigh to invite him to follow him. The tiny screeching sound he made while greeting Moonie. The footfalls disappearing behind the light thud of the door.

Then, the emptiness.

The same emptiness that wrapped you when Seokjin was crying through a phone and you had understood that your life wouldn't be the same anymore. It's just… of a different shape. But not less painful.

It's ok. You can get used to it.

"I’ll hug you so hard you’ll remember it a while; Late at night smiling, sensing me all around you; Your devoted loving ghost..."

The good thing about summer flings is that they're meant to run out in the warm weather that starts getting lukewarmer, while the breeze prepares to welcome a new September, hauling away all the words and gestures you've spilled light-heartedly.

It's comforting to know that certain things will stay forever on the surface, without growing… sure, there's a bitter taste for all those " what if?" that naturally sprouted at every skipped beat of your heart; but they're just this: " ifs " and " buts ", and they soon will be forgotten without any pain.

Jungkook, exceptionally, is one of those " what if?” and "ifs" and "buts" that hurt all your bits…

It's lacerating the way he seeps through your thoughts undisturbed, reminding you that all the good and profound you've built had ended in a thick silence that had you sitting under a tree as if your soul just left your body -stare fixed on the exact point you've last observed his hunched figure, like you were expecting for him to come back and save the situation.

It's lacerating the fact that amidst the many memories of Jungkook you've shielded between the folds of your brain, the only one that comes back to haunt you is his face crumpled with sadness for your firm rejection.

Not his doe glistening eyes; not his toothy smiles; not his airy laughter that lifts you up above the clouds… just sheer sorrow. And bitter disappointment. And regret.

All because of you…

And you hate him for his capacity to get under your skin and capture your utmost attention: for the very first time since he's bumped into your life, you regret letting him take a step into your intimacy -so much and deep that you can't help but feel sad for shattering his heart and hopes.

And you shouldn't, because Jungkook is alive.

Jungkook is still alive and he's twenty three years old and he'll recover soon from this sort of heartbreak and you'll become just a meaningless summer story he'll flaunt with his friends when he's a bit drunk. You should address all your sorrow to Namjoon. Because Namjoon isn't here anymore and he was too young to leave this place and he wanted to do and see so many things and when he left, he took with himself all the projects you created for you two.

He took away the best part of you, because you weren't ready to let him go…

The love you had for him was so scorching and blazing high and still is; but Jungkook's arrival cooled it down, and you started thinking that maybe, out there, someone else worth sharing their life with you does exist.

You hate that Jungkook is slowly replacing Namjoon's memories with his own; and yet, at the same time, you can't help but wonder how the new boy with big doe eyes and a gentle smile is doing…

A little sigh seeps through your lips, stretched into a thin line.

It's been almost a week since you've seen Jungkook, and your heart hasn't stopped bleeding since then.

You aren't very much surprised about his choice to stand aside, considering the harsh ending between you two: you witnessed firsthand how men tend to walk away after a discovery of this scale -especially when you're too broken and it's too damn difficult to help you recollect all that pieces you've scattered around. In this specific situation, though, it's also true that you dropped the bomb out of the blue, without giving him any time to metabolize the truth you kept from him for all these months. Moreover, even if Namjoon's death wasn't a weight too huge to sustain, Jungkook is still too young for this: he came here to give a sense to his own life, searching for some carefreeness and for an answer to all those questions that devour him from the inside… Why should he saddle with this—!

“(Y/N), if you like that mug so much, you can have it." Seokjin's voice breaks through your consciousness abruptly. The panda-mug you're holding for three minutes straight almost slips through your hands as you slowly regain control of yourself.

You blink twice, trailing your stare from Jin's amused expression to the mug (it's chipped on the handle because Joonie accidentally made it fall while taking it out of the cupboard). "No, thanks…" you run the thumb on the cracked area, before grabbing a piece of newspaper to wrap around it with a nervous gesture. "You know it disgusts me to drink from a panda's head." You place it carefully in a box full of other mugs and glasses, feeling your heart drop into your stomach.

Seokjin is going away, and you haven't metabolized this news yet.

Yoongi snaps his tongue, shaking his head in disappointment. "(Y/N), c'mon, this was your good chance to destroy that abomination."

"You don't understand anything about art." Seokjin puffs his cheeks. "And you know it's just like my Linus' blanket. I—"

Yoongi and you sigh, saying contemporaneously, "You have had it since you were a little child, your brother chose it for you and—"

"Boring. You're boring. I can't wait to move and meet new friends who will appreciate the beautiful me fully!" Jin raises his chin and tilts his head to the side, dramatically delivering you an offended look.

"We can't wait for you to move once and for all, too." Yoongi studies the cup with tiny mice eating cheese in his hands -it feels like he's debating with himself on smashing it against the wall, judging by the little frown between his knitted brows.

“Liar! Your mother told me you'll miss me to death!”

“That's not true!”

“Your ears going on fire tell me otherwise, Yoongi-chi—"

You cackle, interrupting their silly quarrel. "I'll miss you a whole lot, instead," you say, noticing his eyes crinkle in the corners and his lips twitching in an amused grimace. "And I'll especially miss your dainties. Nobody cooks Gimbap as divinely as you do." You rest your hand on your stomach, pouting.

"I believe that (Y/N) is trying to tell you to make yourself useful and go cooking something." Yoongi smirks. "Or that we'll miss just your cooking abilities, you choose."

Seokjin sighs, hands resting on his hips (just like his mother would do). "Oh, Yoongi-chi, I look forward to receiving your drunk texts in which you admit that this place isn't the same without me, begging me to come back soon." His eyelids flicker up and down fast before his eyeroll, gazing then at the various boxes already closed and piled up in a corner of the living room. A glint of sadness notches the quietness dancing across his delicate features, but it lasts a very few seconds. "Anyway, you're the worst moving company ever hired. You don't deserve my divine Gimbap. But you're lucky, today I'm pretty generous." Seokjin spares you two one last glance before heading toward the kitchen. "I'll call you when dinner is ready. In the meantime, don't break anything without my authorization."

You exhale a light giggle observing his retracting figure. Once left alone, you go back to focusing on your task, basking in the silence now settled upon you two. You close the box in front of you already full and put it on the ground, grabbing another one from under the table.

Yoongi focuses on the glasses, sometimes commenting under his breath about his best friend's bad taste. He seems overall peaceful about Seokjin's decision -but you can tell from his curved lips that the closer you get to the day of the departure, the more his mood drops six feet under.

You give him a sidelong glance, scrutinizing the little pout hanging on his lips. "Your mom is worried. She says you're such a gray cloud lately." You wait for a follow-up that doesn't come, but a grunt is all you get in return. "Hey, I'll miss him too. And Jin isn't the type to disappear. He'll surely clog our chats with texts and selfies. It'll be like he never left." You deliver him a reassuring smile, squeezing his shoulder in the process.

Yoongi munches the corner of his mouth. "I know, but it won't be the same… this place won't be the same anymore. It hasn't been for a while now." He puts a cup in the box, shrugging. "Minji first. Then Namjoon. Now Jin…" his droopy eyes grow wider, he turns to you in a rush, a muscle twitching in his jaw. "Ah, shit, I'm sorry (Y/N). I didn't mean to say that just me and you will suck—"

"Don't worry, I know what you mean." You flap a hand, silently telling him that you aren't mad at him. "It's just that everything seems different without certain persons, even if the others stay."

Mornings were all the same, but with Jungkook there was something that scraped their monotony: his laughter in the chirp of cicadas; his smiles, warm like the feeble sunlight seeping through the fronds; his eyes, glistening like the dew covering the flowers; his mouth shaped in a small 'O' whenever he caught a little frog jumping in your garden; his hands grabbing yours while you were taking your dogs out… mornings were all the same, and yet there was something different when Jungkook was here…

When Namjoon was here, too…

"Is it about Jungkook-ah?"

His name pierces through your chest like a thousand needles that morph into butterflies and carries your throbbing heart into your dry throat. It's the first time that Yoongi pronounces his name -he usually calls him: " the new boy " or " boytoy " (it must be serious if he doesn't tease him).

"No, of course…" you tuck some hair behind your ear, swallowing. "You said it, he's just a boy. He came here to spend his holidays, he had some fun, and now he's going away." You hunch over the box, unable to sustain the inevitable sadness that this subject brings along. "Those like him don't leave any impression."

"They do. He does… he did from the first day. It's not easy to forget those like him." A small smile etches itself on his face. "Namjoon would have liked him."

You feel a pang into your chest, probably because that statement is true. Namjoon would have liked Jungkook. He would have invited him over to your place for a beer to talk about your dogs, his course of study, the collection of manga that fills his bedroom; the three of you would have probably visited every tiny corner of this village, together…

Uncontrollably, the corners of your mouth quirk up. "I know… he would have probably taken him under his wing. You know, staying up all night to find a way to help him..."

"Yeah, Namjoon was like this." Yoongi chuckles, his gummies now exposed. "That's why you don't want to stay with him?" His question isn't harsh, but it digs in your chest and pinches your sense of guilt. His features soften before your shaky eyes. "(Y/N), I saw the way he looked at you, he isn't… a boy dealing with a passing crush. He looks like someone who wants to stay here with you. Here , holy shit…" his jaw clenches, as if the simple decision to stay in this village of his own accord could be some kind of proof of love . "You can't push him away like you always do, you—"

"I already did…" your confession tumbles off your mouth in a trembling hush, but Yoongi heard him clearly. You stay still, too scared to turn and sink in his eyes veiled with astonishment and disappointment. "He asked me if he could stay. You know, giving up on his plans with his friends, his future… I rejected him. I can't do this to him."

" He can't do this to himself, you mean. He's old enough to choose what's best for his own life…" Yoongi spits his words with firmness, but there's a note of understanding in his voice that makes you feel less alone (and guilty). "(Y/N), let's be honest… you just don't want to hurt yourself." He lets out a sigh, scratching his nape. "You're scared to fall in love again with someone new and be left alone again. But, (Y/N), it's such bullshit… nobody knows how these things go. Like, you and Namjoon were an amazing couple, but you'll never have the certainty that it'd have been forever."

Yoongi's words hit you like a bucket of icy water. Your fingers curl into fists, you'd like to slap him in his face for the harshness in his speech… but they're sprinkled with a type of truth that you've always swiped away: the fact that even the biggest love could shatter, at a certain point. But this isn't entirely the crux of the problem. Deep inside of you, a thin voice whispers that you'll never be able to consider Jungkook an important piece of your existence because he'll never be able to match up Namjoon… why should you treat him like he was inferior?

Jungkook doesn't deserve this cruelty…

Yoongi's hand curls around your shoulder, squeezing it a little. "(Y/N), run to him. Don't treat him like a fucking child. He's big enough to know what he wants, don't—"

"I can't." You shake your head, so hard that your temples pulse. "What if I will never like him like I love Joonie? I'd break his heart, I can't."

"You already broke his heart," he analyzes, lowering his head when you exhale a small whining sound. "Tell him about Namjoon. Tell him the truth, be honest. He'll understand—"

"I did." There's a little crack in your voice as the pictures of that morning flash in the back of your mind. "I told him the truth and he disappeared."

"He disappeared because you hid the truth from him. You rejected him completely . He's angry, ashamed… give him some time."

"No, you should've seen him. He was angry… and scared . It's too much for him to handle." You twirl your arms around your waist, you feel like you're on the cusp of breaking. "He thinks he likes me because we spent a nice summer together, but it won't last. Things will get harder and more serious." You brush your hands on your face, slamming then your arms along your sides. "It's okay, though. I don't care. I knew it wouldn't last anyway. He isn't the first one who goes away after finding out that Namjoon left ."

"Namjoon is dead." Yoongi's voice is a screeching noise that punches you in your stomach. But what's hurt the most is his expression: ripped apart, as if saying these few words cost him half of his life. "Until you won't say it out loud, you won't move on." His hands clench into fists. "(Y/Nk, you kept acting like a sad widow, and we never complained because we respect you and you have all the rights to do things at your own pace… but you're happier since you've met Jungkook-ah. You two, together… you had the same smile you had for Namjoon. I won't stay to the side, watching you fuck up everything. Not this time…" Yoongi breaths out from his nose, lowering his voice. "Go to him. I'm taking care here, you go to him and fix everything—"

"No, no… I prefer staying here." You rest your hands into your hair. You want Yoongi to stop blabbering. You want him to stop slamming the truth in your face with so much brutality. "Jungkook makes me forget about Joonie, and I don't want to. He isn't Joonie, he—"

"But he is another man you love." His words waft over you with delicacy, almost hesitant, like this revelation could be the coup-the-grace to your mental stability. "(Y/N), you won't forget about him. I don't think Jungkook-ah would ever want to replace him, and Namjoon… he'd never want to see you like this…" he shrugs. "You deserve happiness."

"No, it's not fair."

"It is. It's not your fault if things went like this. It's… destiny and all that bullshit. I know it sucks, but it had to happen. And Jungkook-ah's arrival was meant to happen, too…" he turns toward the box in front of him, mumbling, "You can't keep living in the past."

You know it. You know you should let go of Namjoon's ghost and live your life to its fullest; and yet, you feel guilty about the realization that you're still here, having fun, while he isn't… it's so fucking unfair. And even if you'd want to bring Jungkook back into your life, it's—

"It's late…" you mutter, brushing your fingers on your wedding ring. "Jungkook hates me. I hurt him too much too many times. He's probably too tired to forgive me again…"

"He doesn't hate you, he just needs time. And it's not late. If it wasn't late for me, it can't be for you…" his faint smile trembles before the confusion sprinkling your face. "I followed your advice. I wrote to Minji, and she answered back. She's happy, and she misses me… and she wants to see me again."

When Yoongi's confession scrapes the thin layer of air between you two, you suddenly forget about your problems and doubts, about the sadness that was sucking your heart in the pit of your stomach, about the sense of guilt that was trampling your conscience.

You're just happy about Yoongi, right now. You don't care about anything or anyone else…

"She asked me to meet her, and I'm thinking about it… but it'd be nice to see her again." His eyes are two shining gems that skyrocket you to outer space. "I'd like to try…"

"I… I'm happy. I'm so happy for you, Yoongi-chi." Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes as he flashes you his adorable gummy smile. In a burst of euphoria, you twirl your arms around his neck and he hugs you back thightly and, fuck , the last time he wrapped you so hard into a warm embrace has been after Namjoon's funeral. But there's no pain, this time. There's just relief. "This wasn't an excuse to be hugged, was it?" You tease him -he acts all tough, but he's such a softie under all those layers of I-don't-give-a-damn attitude.

Yoongi snorts a chuckle, squeezing you tighter. "Go to Jungkook and talk to him. Be happy, mh?"

You chew on your bottom lip to keep tears at bay. You lean your forehead on his shoulder, letting out a stuttered breath.

Being happy…

"Guys, just five minutes and dinner is ready. Why don't you—" Seokjin's words fade in a small " oh " brimmed with surprise, as he halts himself on the doorframe, catching the pair of you in each other's arms. "Hey, shouldn't you hug me instead? I remind you I'm the one who's leaving, uff…" He approaches you when you nod toward him, in a silent gesture to ask him to come closer. He hugs you from behind. "What's the problem? Is it because I'm leaving?" He jokes, but you catch a light wobble in his voice that creates a lump in your throat.

Being happy without Seokjin…

"That. And because Yoongi-chi will meet Minji."

Being happy without Namjoon…

"And because (Y/N) is in love with the new boy." Yoongi gets quiet, then…

Being happy with Jungkook…

"And for Namjoon."

Your heart beats frantically into your chest, you melt into their arms. Seokjin hugs you tighter. And Yoongi, too.

You brush your palm upon the window, behind the thick veil of dust you can take a glimpse of the blossoming garden that made Joonie's head spin when you first came here to search for your new home in this quiet village.

In the back of your mind, you can still see his mouth unfurl in a smile -two adorable dimples appearing on his cheeks; the visor of his baseball cap casting a shadow upon his glistening eyes; and the confident: " I like it here " tumbled off his tongue as he let your hand go to step inside the room, like a force was pulling him from the inside…

His footfall echoes back to you in a rhythmic melody that cocoons your heart in turmoil; his low, thoughtful voice is a soft whisper that makes you quiver from head to toes like a leaf, as you hear him describe out loud the position of each piece of furniture that would constitute his future studio -all the things he could do here, in such a lovely place.

Basking in the nocturnal silence scraped by the chirp of cicadas, you've the sensation that Namjoon is still here: he's sprawled on his chair, eyes pinned to the last book he bought at the bookstore; he's hunched over the desk, a little frown slicing across his brows as he carefully studies the tests of his students; he's sitting on the edge of the desk, stare fixed on the plant life outside and a mug in his hands as he recounts his day -his sharp eyes morphed into two sweet half-moons…

"(Y/N)?"

You drift your stare to your right in a rush, feeling your heart thump in your throat for your name resounding throughout the room as it has just been pronounced by him. However, when you cast a glance upon his desk, reality hits you like a bucket of icy water, swiping away Namjoon's picture like curls of smoke: there's no one occupying his chair.

Namjoon isn't here, in flesh and bones.

He's just a figment of your imagination that comes back to haunt you from time to time.

You are alone…

Reluctantly pulling yourself out of your own dizziness, you clean your palm on your shorts before folding your arms around your waist, taking a look around: Namjoon's studio is how you left it half a year ago, when you've decided to lock it forever to spare yourself a deeper sorrow. Sure, it's definitely more dusty and dirtier, but unaltered throughout the years rolled by: the boxes containing his clothes and belongings are stored along the wall, creating a small fence of memories that would swallow you in one bite if you'd only take a quick peer inside of them; his messy notes are dispersed on the desk, in the same position he left them the day before the incident; one of his student's test is laying at the center, some red marks scattered through the paper (he didn't finish to correct it, he said he'd do it the morning after); his books disposed on the shelves curved for the weight…

You've put every bit of him inside his sanctuary on earth the moment his absence became too loud to bear it, naively thinking that this decision would help you to forget about him.

But it didn't.

Namjoon is indelibly carved into your heart and brain and the deepest part of you -his ghostly presence accompanies every step you take, every gesture you make, as if your life was still meant to intertwine with his own, someday.

A sudden force coming from the inside gives a light push to your feet, now shuffling on their own accord toward the desk. In an instinctive gesture, you let your fingers crawl on the surface (just like you used to do before hugging him from behind, placing a kiss on the top of his head), the tips of your fingers leave a trail in their wake. You inhale sharply through your nose, the stuffy smell grown for all this time has you grimacing as you observe the various paintings he bought (but never hang on the walls, saying that he couldn't find their right position), until your eyes inevitably rest upon the few photographs you've hidden here.

Despite the lump in your throat and the tears wetting your lashes, the corners of your mouth quirk up as soon as you take notice of your wedding picture; some random selfies of the pair of you taken during your small trips and messily pinned on a cork-board; a stolen shot of him, Yoongi and Seokjin with the Cheonjiyeon Waterfall in the background; a laughter captured by mistake while Hoseok is talking to him in the chaos of a pub…

Feeling weak in your knees, you plop down on the chair, breath settling heavily in your lungs. You curl into yourself, elbows resting on your thighs and hands gripping at your hair as tears dangerously threaten to roll down your cheeks.

The heart-to-heart chat you had with Yoongi was a good, metaphorical kick in your ass to find some strength and finally open this door to confront yourself with a beautiful past that you can't seem to let go -as if embracing all the things you've lost would help you to move on with your life… but you're stuck.

You're stuck into his sharp eyes that gently etched into two sweet crescents when he trailed his attention to you; you're stuck in his laughter, in his voice telling you tales you used to drink to the very last ounce. You're stuck in the scorching love that didn't wither when he passed away. You're stuck in the abyssal emptiness he left behind.

You're stuck in Namjoon, and the way life seemed funnier since he bumped into it…

The gentle but persistent tapping of Moonie's head against your legs snaps you back down to reality. You crack your eyes open, sinking in his round, glistening stare -like he couldn't fully grasp why his beloved owner isn't here. You put yourself into a stretched position as you slowly muster enough courage to not shatter into pieces.

Moonie takes advantage of your movement to stretch himself and rest his muzzle on your lap, patiently waiting for some cuddles. You caress the top of his head in a soothing gesture to calm yourself down, observing the wedding ring wrapped around your finger.

"You miss him too, mh?" You mumble, exhaling a stuttered breath that flickers between your trembling lips. You lean forward to rest your cheek on the top of your dog head, eyes pinned to the desk at your side.

It's useless. Staying here won't solve absolutely anything. Staying here reminds you of all the nice memories you crafted with your husband -it doesn't make you want to run to Jungkook and ask him if you're still on time to apologize…

Jungkook…

A pang in your chest makes you curl more into yourself, a little whining sound squelches into your mouth. It's ok like this. It's more than ok like this. The nice bond you and Jungkook developed throughout these months would never last when summer will be over -and the fact that he's about to go away tomorrow without even greeting you does nothing but intensify your certainty: it's late.

It's too late…

You're about to stand up and dash out of this room, locking it once and forever. But just when you're about to move a finger, your attention is captured by the desk drawer -remembering that you've hidden something really precious into it.

You carefully open it, taking notice of all the letters you wrote him during his military service and that he attentively secured together with an elastic; you look at the sticky notes full of smiles and 'good morning' you've written in a rush whenever you woke up earlier than him… and your notebook. The notebook that contains all the little poems he used to give you every single morning since your story began -his own, personal way to demonstrate how much he cared for you.

You leaf through it, eyes shining wet at every inked character. Words are carved into your brain; and yet, your heart beats feverishly as if it was the first time reading them. Seconds elapse in a silence that cocoons you inside a bubble -the world is a distant place, noiseless almost. You drown in his love exuding from each piece:

"So I wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. Till then, my windows ache"

You run your fingers on the characters above the paper, they're rough upon your tips. A small smile blooms upon your quivering lips, picturing him writing down this little poem in a rush before leaving. Absent-mindedly, you turn the page, and the liquid sparks in your wide eyes dangerously tremble: white. Infinite white is all you can see, realizing that this is the last note he left you. The note he left before taking his bike and telling you that he loves you, that you'd see each other later…

You can't help but wonder how many poems he'd have dedicated to you if only he hadn't gone so soon…

Yoongi's words and harsh comments suddenly slap you in your face: Namjoon is dead. Dead . And you can't do anything about it. You don't have control on what happened; but you have control over you and your future actions: you can only store inside of you all the beautiful memories he gave you and then move on, accepting all the good that life is going to place along your path -yes, even if this 'good' is a gentle boy with sweet doe eyes who displayed the depth of his heart with genuine sincerity.

The problem is that it isn't so easy to keep going when you think that all the plans you projected seem worthy only alongside your husband.

The problem is that you aren't ready to let another human being take a seat in your heart when it fully shines bright for Namjoon.

And no matter how Jungkook has been able to take it into his hands and delicately cure every scar atop of it and help it to go back to beating again: it's an inarguable truth that if Namjoon were here, you would have never noticed Jeon Jungkook.

The love you felt (and still feel) for your husband isn't comparable to the feeble passion that drowned you toward the boy.

You don’t love Jungkook.

You love when he comes, when he makes you come.

You're just this . You're barely whispered orgasms in the darkness of his bedroom; lazy kisses stolen in the backyard of his house; airy laughters over a glass of wine; tears hidden on a shoulder; little sips of breath in the crook of each other's neck when you hug tight, on your sofa; early morning strolls, your hands so close for your fingers to intertwine in the slightest; tales of a carefree childhood that taste of watermelon and beer; whispered words on a pillow -too much intimate for the pair of you to forget them when the night is over.

It's a palliative that makes you forget about the past you’ve lost.

Something that is bound to end when the warmth of summer will start to fade.

Something that… is close to happiness .

Something…

A soft thud against the entrance door sinks you back down to earth, making you lose the grip around your train of thoughts. Moonie stops using your lap as a perch and rests on the floor, barking against nothing to the direction of the door, titillated by the rhythmic knocking sound that scratches the silence settled upon you.

You snap your brows together, curious about who might be so late at night. You place the notebook on the desk and patiently wait for the noise to cease; but whoever came to visit you doesn't seem intent to go away. Huffing, you stand up, slowly proceeding toward the entrance.

Who can't it be now?

Maybe it's Yoongi, unable to sleep due to the messages he keeps exchanging with Minji; maybe it's Jin, who acts all tough when it comes to his imminent departure but you can tell by the sparks in his eyes that he's scared and sad to leave you all behind; maybe their mothers have come to spend some time with you, even if you highly doubt it… in all honesty, whoever it might be, you don't feel like talking with anyone.

You just want for this night to pass in a heartbeat and stick your head out tomorrow morning and discover that the house across from yours is finally empty once again—!

"Yes?" Your eyes grow bigger when you open the door to reveal…

"Hi, Noona…"

… Jungkook.

Jungkook and his big doe eyes brimmed with constellations and galaxies you still have to give a name to. Jungkook and his black, wavy hair gently falling along his temples in unruly locks. Jungkook and his lips stretched in a thin line that tastes of fondness and fear of rejection. Jungkook and his fingers curling around his Iron-Man t-shirt. Jungkook and his tattoos that tell you something about his own, little, personal world.

Jeon Jungkook, here, the night before his departure…

"Hey…" you manage to say, above a whisper, like a higher note in your voice might make him vanish into nothingness. He sucks on his bottom lip in a nervous gesture and you notice the tiny mole lying beneath it; your fingers immediately run to caress your wedding ring, in a desperate attempt to refrain yourself from grazing that area like you've done a billion times before. "Are you here for the last goodbye?"

You don't tell it as a joke, or out of rage, or displaying sadness.

You're genuinely conscious over the fact that Jungkook is here for a farewell between two mature grown-ups -despite all the shit you put him through in the end. It must be his last act of kindness, since you had your good dose of mind-blowing sex and you both have delved into each other's intimacy…

Jungkook isn't affected by your question in the slightest. He merely ruffles his hair, giving you a sheepish smile that reaches his eyes. "That was the plan, until this morning at least…" he catches a small breath, a ruby hue tinges his cheekbones. "I can’t leave - leave like this -you…” he moistens his lips, fixing his eyes to his sandals -his toes curl in and out for anxiety. “I want to apologize, (Y/N). I disappeared—”

“It’s ok. I disappeared many times, too." You flap a hand, trying to minimize the crux of his speech.

“It’s not the same - same." He shakes his head vigorously, knuckles turning white for the grip around the shirt. "I've never - never understood why you kept pushing me away. I thought you didn't like me much, that we were just, you know… fuck-buddies, mh." He sets his eyes on the ground, voice dropping two notches deeper. "I - I was just… I was so damn mad at you for not telling me the truth earlier. I mean, since we started to hang out, you always treated me like an adult, but that day… I felt like I was a stupid child to you. You made me so angry I wanted to cut ties once and for all." He lets out a small chuckle, camouflaging the small wobble in his recount. "Then, everything got all so clear to me and I wanted to run to you but I - I panicked ." His confession is firm, uttered while sinking in your wide eyes. "When I told you that I'm used to dating older women, it's true. I've never cared about their age or mine, I just wanted to have fun without problems, having an expiration date. It's easier to be a lover or, you know, to deal with women who just divorced. But you… I don’t know if I can do it, with you."

You swallow thickly, disoriented by his flood of words mumbled all in a rush and with that adorable stuttering mannerism that makes Jungkook the special being he is. You part your lips, but close it immediately when you realize that you lack words: what should you tell him? That a part of you is relieved to know that he prefers leaving? That a part of you is dying little by little knowing that he prefers leaving?

What can you tell a boy who wants to sacrifice his life for you when you aren't capable of understanding yourself and giving him all the love he deserves?

You let out a sigh, giving in to the easy choice.

You decide to let (him) go…

“I'm pretty sure things wouldn't work, either. You know, summer is ending, life will become harder again… it'll be different." You avert his big stare, unable to hold the expectation crumbling in his shaky eyes. "And no need to apologize. I should've told you everything from the beginning… you had all the rights to be mad at me." You catch a breath, willing to cut this conversation and his visit short. “Enjoy your holiday, Jeju is wonderful in this period—"

“I’m not going anywhere," Jungkook interrupts, softly. He takes a tiny step forward and you should back off but you can't. Your legs are paralyzed, your whole body craves for his proximity. "(Y/N), I don't know if I can do it… but I want to try.”

Panic cripples you from head to toes.

This week of absence convinced you that Jungkook wanted to put as much distance as possible between you two; you slowly accepted the reality of things and prepared yourself to live with the emptiness he'll leave behind. But if he stays, you—

“Jungkook… no, we already talked about it." You fold your arms around your waist in a sort of protection. "You can't sacrifice your life and stay here—" your words fade in the soft sound of his chuckle.

His lips open in a smile that shows his front bunny-like teeth. "Sacrifice? I'm doing it because I want to do it." Sweetness tugs at his features. "I'm not sacrificing anything if it comes from here…" he pats his hand on his chest, where the heart lays.

You shake your head. "You don't know what you're doing, you—"

"Don't treat me - me like a child." Jungkook pouts, offended. "I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing."

“No, you're not." You try to keep firmness in your voice, but the light tremble in your shoulders betrays your anxiety. "You - you are twenty three. You’ve to see the world, and enjoy life with someone your age, stay with your friends and - and you’ve to live in the way you want, Jungkook." You move backward when you take notice of his hand raising up to reach you. "If you stay here, with me, you - you’ll waste your time. You're going to regret it—”

“I can see the world another time. We can do it together, if you want.” He takes a step forward, but still he doesn't walk in. “I can go to Jeju next week, or next month… but if I go away from here now, I know that all the good we've built will be over and I - I don’t want to.” He waits for a follow-up that doesn't come, you can see his patience hanging into his eyes still brimmed with fondness. “(Y/N)... I’m younger than you, but I’m not stupid. I can listen to myself, and I want to stay here, with you. My heart says so. My mind, too.” He catches a breath, a muscle twitches in his jaw. “I like you, (Y/N). Thought it was clear that I do , a lot .” His hand runs to the opposite bicep. "I like you so much that I don't think I'll be able to fall for someone else."

Oh…

You feel the words climbing up your throat. The part of you that longs for indulging in the affection Jungkook is ready to give you pumps up the truth that you've difficulty tried to bury in the abyss of your chest -that you like him, too . A lot. You like him so much that you want him to stay and see how far you two can go. You like him so much that you sometimes forget about Namjoon…

And that's why you can't keep him here, with you.

You've to tell him the whole truth. A truth that he deserves to know, and that goes beyond Namjoon's death…

Jungkook swallows thickly. "(Y/N)..."

"There's something you must know…" you say, vaguely, sparing him one last glance before turning your back to him.

Jungkook walks in after a brief moment of hesitation, murmuring a 'thank you' that settles in your chest and doesn't go away. He takes off his sandals and puts them next to your shoes, gawking at that simple view a little longer. You can hear his footsteps resound behind you, only to come to a halt when you disappear inside Namjoon's studio. Realizing that this is the room you've kept locked until today, he stays still on the doorframe as if he was waiting for your green light to proceed -in a sort of gesture to not disrespect your husband.

"It's messy, and dirty. This is the first time I've been here since he's been g—since he's dead ." That word leaves a bitter taste on your tongue, you probably will never get used to saying it out loud. "You can come in…" you open the windows, waiting for his steps to eacho in the room. When all that you receive back is silence, though, you gaze at him over your shoulder, confused.

There's an hesitant set in his tensed figure, eyes open wide. He looks so small and fragile he has your heart being squeezed in a tight grip. “Can - can I? Really ?”

You nod, standing on your spot to study his movements. Moonie moves beside you, nudging your leg before resting at your feet.

Jungkook takes a few seconds before stepping in, and you find adorable the way he nods a little and clenches his hands into fists as if he had to give himself a bit of courage. He moves around cautiously, scrutinizing every inch of a place that screams 'Namjoon' in every corner. His eyes are round and big when they trail to the various paintings, his mouth shaped in a little 'O' of surprise. Then, he takes notice of the photographs, nears them like a force was dragging him from the collar of his shirt. He leans forward to take a closer look, lingers on your wedding dress as if you were the only remarkable work of art.

You'd expect him to make some nice comment about you, how beautiful you were with that type of dress on, with that hairstyle or make-up -all smiley and wrapped in that particular beauty that's typical of a brand-new wife.

Instead, he says, "Your husband seems… gentle ."

You're surprised. And happy. The fact that his first impression of Namjoon revolves around kindness makes you all giddy inside.

"He was… " it's the first time you talk about him in the past. It makes your heart bleed and ache -but not as much you thought it would do. "He would have liked you a lot. I'm sure of it…" you deliver him a small smile, contemplating the rosy shade coloring his cheeks. "I kept his studio locked because I thought this would help me to forget about him… but I can't." You caress your wedding ring, feeling your lips trembling for what you're about to spill. "There were times I had only him in my mind, while being with you…"

Jungkook immediately straightens himself and drifts his broken stare to you, as if your confession just punched him in the stomach. The sparks floating in his eyes are trembling, shining wet -it's a gut-wrenching sight that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin and run away from here.

You rack your brain frantically to search for a proper way to vocalize the turmoil whirling inside of you, but before you could exhale a small breath, Jungkook's voice scrapes the thin layer of air between you two.

"(Y/N)... I—" his fingers grip at his eyebrow piercing. "I just wanted to fuck you, at first…" he admits, lowering his stare. “I thought… I thought you were pretty. I thought it’d be nice to, you know, have some casual sex? Like, nothing serious. Meeting up when we want, no strings attached… just a meaningless summer fling." He swallows thickly, shame breaks through the embarrassment dancing across his features. "I… I was attracted to you, that’s why I started talking to you… I'm an asshole. Not very mature of me…"

You caress your elbow, shaking your head. "You aren't… and it's not a matter of maturity." Your mind runs back to Seokjin, to all the bodies he wrapped around the sheets of his bed without the slightest intention to keep them close enough to get to know them better. It's normal… not all people search for love. Not all people want or need sentimental stability. "It might happen, being attracted to someone and not wanting anything more." You give him a reassuring smile but Jungkook casts a glance upon his feet anyway, as if he felt too guilty to be in your presence.

In all honesty… it's heart wrenching to know that Jungkook approached you only to follow his sex drive toward you -which is something you've always sensed, deep down into you. But still, a thin voice inside of you tells you that this is probably a good way for you to stop caring so much about him.

"But things changed…" he adds, caressing his tattooed arm. "I… when I told you that I was thinking about my life in two, lately, you were always on my mind. You're still on my mind, (Y/N)." He lets out a breath and it feels like his whole figure is getting lighter and lighter, as if he was finally getting rid of a huge weight.

You scrutinize his face, searching for a trace of mockery. Genuine affection is all you find, though, it makes the ground beneath your feet crumble. "When did you—"

“When you went to Seoul to meet up with your friend…" he giggles. "I remember I felt sad the whole day because you weren't here. And - and I thought it wasn't about sex anymore. You… I feel so good when I'm with you. I can be myself and you'd never - never judge me." He takes a step closer to you. "And the next day we walked our dogs out and you laughed and you were happy. You were so happy. And I thought… it'd be nice to make you happy. I really want you to be happy, (Y/N).”He chews on his bottom lip, where the piercing runs around the flesh. "I know that ten years aren't few… but you were around my age when you met your husband. Why can't you give me a chance?"

Because it's different. Because Namjoon was around your age. Because Namjoon was your friend before being your lover. Because you'll arrive at a point where you'll want things that Jungkook won't be able to give you -and vice versa.

These ten years that now seem so feeble in the summer that cocoons you in its warmth, soon will notch your story, making you understand how incompatible you are…

"It's different. Things started slowly between us, Namjoon knew me like the back of his hand. He knew all the embarrassing things about me, and he accepted them. You don't know anything about me. And when you'll find all my flaws, you'll leave ."

He scrunches his nose, amused. "Don't think I will." He takes another step closer. "I already discovered some of your flaws, but I want to stay anyway."

His brutal honesty frightens you. He's so ready to accept all of you that you don't even care about what these imperfections might be…

You only think that you must be brutally honest, too…

"Staying with you these months made me understand how much I still love Namjoon," you start, cautious, paying attention to not break him. "I… I still think he's here, with me. Every time I was having fun with you, I thought: Joonie would love this … and it made me so sad, because I know he won't be back. But, other times… you made me forget about him. And I hated you so much, those times…" you set your eyes on Jungkook, wide-eyed and parted lips. "That's why we can't stay together. I'm awful. And it's not fair to you. You deserve someone who stays with you and thinks only of you and—"

"It's ok, I don't care. We don't have to rush things—"

"Jungkook…" you call him, softly. "If Namjoon were here… I would have never noticed you ."

You said it.

You finally said it, the truth you were hiding from him. The fact that Namjoon's memory still lives inside of you, making it hard to focus on someone else's love… the fact that you can't hurt Jungkook's feelings.

Jungkook stays still, silently metabolizing your admission. He swallows thickly, the corners of his mouth quirk up a little in a comprehensive smile. Without saying a word he walks out the room, sparing only one last glance at your wedding photograph.

It tears you apart, the idea of breaking his heart in pieces; at the same time, you feel lighter now that you've told him everything. You can't lie anymore… you can't stay with Jungkook in this way. It wouldn't be fair to him…

You caress Moonie and gently guide him outside the room, ready to fully embrace the solitude. You close the windows and give one long look around, imprinting in your mind all that comes to sight -aware that you'll close the studio door forever. However, when you walk outside, your heart drops into your stomach and lands on a flock of butterflies when you notice that Jungkook is still here, standing still in your living room.

He chews on his bottom lip, lets out a breath. Then, he smiles. "I'm staying anyway…"

Your eyes grow so wide they hurt. You squeeze them shut and the first hint of tears lays upon your lashes. You hear his soft footsteps come closer, your heart flickers at every inch that breaks under his feet. Your eyelids flutter up slowly when silence wraps you, taking notice of Jungkook's toes grazing your own. You lift your head up to stare at him, unable to express your thoughts.

"I don't want to replace Namjoon's memory…" Jungkook's words are soft -they are a gentle caress on your face, now reduced to a tensed mask of panic. "I just - just want to build something new with you." He grabs your hand, he stares at your wedding ring with delicacy. "I want to stay. I'm not going to leave, (Y/N)."

You gasp once… twice… thrice…

You cover your face with your free hand, tears stream down your face. You sob heavily, your body quivers and Jungkook is ready to cage you in a warm embrace.

"I miss him so much. It's not fair. We had to do many things together, we—" you cling at his shoulders, your fingers curl tight around the cotton fabric of his shirt. "I miss him so much…"

"Shh… it's all ok," Jungkook mumbles, running a hand into your hair, "Everything's gonna be ok, (Y/N)."

Oh… they told it so many times you stopped believing in it.

Bur for a very brief instant… you want to believe him.

"When you leave, weary of me, without a word I shall gently let you go"

There's a Hibiscus at the center of your table, resting on top of a piece of paper folded in two.

It's pink with some red spots in the inner part, endowed with a simple beauty that makes your heart throb frantically inside your chest -especially if you think of the reason behind its presence here: Jungkook said that he isn't good with poems, so he's going to give you a flower every morning from now on (because they're pretty and you're pretty).

(Namjoon told you that Hibiscus is a symbol of integrity and indomitable spirit, because every time a flower falls, a new one will bloom again. You don't know if Jungkook is aware of this small anecdote, but you find it funny that he specifically picked this flower among many others -because it seems to perfectly describe your current situation).

Jungkook also said that such a trivial present won't probably be as stunning as receiving a poem that could help him to put down in words the importance of your presence in his existence, but the first Golden bell stem he handed to you the morning after the "studio accident" had you thinking about destiny, the magnificence of it, and how you feel lucky that he happened to be a part of your little microcosmo.

Your fingers gently caress the smooth petals, graze the zig-zagged borders -in the same way they sketched Jungkook's abdominals last night, while you two were basking in your post-orgasm dizziness. Your pointer glides down the green stem, the corners of your mouth feebly pull up as you imagine him fucking you slowly (slower than usual) -stare engulfed into your own the whole time, fingers intertwined till the end.

Caught up in your reverie, you grab the paper Jungkook probably left before leaving, and the crescent adorning your mouth gets even brighter when you notice the various little drawings scattered throughout the page (a tiny smiley sun; an adorable bunny; a flower) before focusing on the brief message he wrote in a rush:

Tae arrived, gotta prepare the last things You were sleeping so well See you later

… And the smile on your lips slowly flips off your face, as you finally sink once again back down into reality.

Today, Jungkook is leaving.

After postponing his trip to Jeju only to spend some more time with you, he's finally packing his belongings to go away with his friends. The past seven days rolled by whisper-quick, to the point that you often wished for time to be something concrete that you could control to your liking only to stop it and indulge in his presence a little longer.

Jungkook has been… delicate. And caring.

He hasn't been invasive, he's been respectful about your need of time and space in order to fully accept him in your daily routine. His kisses have been soft goodnights brushed against your lips while standing on the doorframe; his pecks have been drowsy good mornings tasting of milk and biscuits. His strokes have been gentle touches skimming over your skin as if it was your first time together. His shoulders have been a good sustain when you felt the urge to talk about Namjoon, trying to let go of the scorching feelings you feel for him. He perfectly blended with your day-by-day life without overdoing or forcing himself -like he was meant to sit between Yoongi and Seokjin while you were taking a drink at the local pub (his soft giggle reverberating through the chaotic room and seeping through your chest for your friends little quarrells). Like he was meant to hold your hand tight when you wished Seokjin good luck for his new journey in Incheon, between hugs and sobs and laughter.

It's been like starting a new page of your life, having Jungkook here with you, tenderly—!

Moonie's sudden yelp breaks through your consciousness, distracting you from your whirling thoughts. You gaze over your shoulder, catching him scratching his paws against the door, begging you to take him out.

You turn, putting the paper beside the flower. You grab the bag you prepared after breakfast and tighten it against your chest, mustering all the courage you need to face this moment.

The time to let Jungkook go has finally come, and you can't do anything to avoid it…

In all honesty, you don't feel like meeting him while he's taking care of the last things for the trip. It would be definitively better for your heart if he'd show up here at the very last minute, telling you that he's ready to leave, that he can't stay here any longer because he's already late -in this way, there won't be any second left for the pair of you to share anything important, or to make any promise regarding your mutual future.

He'd just give you a quick kiss before jumping on his friend's van, forgetting about you as soon as the door car would slam. It would be easier, like this, to deal with the sorrow…

However, a part of you wants to see him one last time and wish him goodbye properly -even if this means to spend the rest of your days suspended in a limbo, replaying in your head the last moment you shared over and over, waiting, wondering if he'll ever be back.

You caress the top of Moonie's head, smiling. "C'mon, Moonie. Let's get out for a bit…"

Your dog sneaks into the breach as soon as you open the door, running toward the street without waiting for you. He diligently halts his own run before crossing it, staring at you with his big eyes and tongue dangling.

You stroke his muzzle before proceeding toward Jungkook's house, feeling your heart dropping in your stomach as soon as you take notice of his friend's van -already loaded with some boxes and luggages. There's a force that impedes you to come closer when you see Bam scamper outside the entrance, barking in your direction to catch Moonie's attention. Forgetful of you, your dog dashes toward the other puppy, and you find yourself standing still, as if you were waiting for the right time to dash back home, unnoticed.

A few seconds later, a guy with brownish hair a bit longer on the sides walks out the house with hands jammed inside his trousers, sparing a glance behind his back to talk with… Jungkook.

Jungkook with his usual baggy clothes. Jungkook with a little pout hanging on his bottom lip. Jungkook with his gaze fixed to the ground, unbothered about the surrounding world…

Jungkook…

You fold your arms around your waist, unable to move a finger to reveal your presence. Watching them together makes you suddenly feel out of place -wrapped in your thirty three years. With a wedding ring wrapped around your finger that weighs a lot.

"Oh… Bam, did you find a new friend?" The tall guy comments, casting his glistening eyes upon Moonie. He crouches down on his calves to observe your dog, flashing him a beaming smile when he doesn't wriggle away from his strokes. "Jungkookie, look who we have here!"

Jungkook lifts his stare up in his friend's direction, and his whole expression brightens up when he takes in the sight of Moonie. His lips unfurl into an excited crescent, gaze flickering all around to search for you; and when he finally spots you, still at a distance, he becomes… luminescent . As if happiness just washed him from head to toes.

And you suddenly don't feel out of place anymore…

"Aw, you're so nice… do you think—Jungkookie!" The boy flinches for a sudden thud noise coming from behind his back Goggle-eyed, he turns toward Jungkook, only to find the box tossed on the ground.

"(Y/N)!" Jungkook greets you brightly while running toward you.

"Hey, good morning—oh!" Your quivering words fade into Jungkook's arms, now twirled around you in a tight grip. Your muscles tense all at once for his unexpected gesture, but you relax in his embrace when he exhales on of his usual mouth-sounds (one of those he lets out when he's particularly euphoric). "Hi to you too…" you say, playfully.

Jungkook lets out a giggle. "Hi…" his tattooed hand glides up along your nape, meanders through your hair and rests on the back of your head, pulling you closer for your cheek to adhere more against him. "Sorry for not waking you up. You were sleeping so well - well," he mumbles, inching away as if you were going on fire. "I wasn't leavening - leaving without greeting you! I'd never do it, mh." Guilt drools from his words, tumbling off his mouth in a rush. A bit stuttering. In a way that makes it harder to let him go.

"I know…" you reassure him, caressing his tattooed arm. You take in the sight of the inked drawings, becoming hyperaware of the fact that you can exactly put them into their right place by heart. "Thanks for the flower. It's beautiful." You go back to staring back at him, sinking in his big doe eyes that exude joy.

"I'll give you many more when I'll be back. You know, to make up for these two weeks," he comments, seriously, like he meant every single word.

Like he really means to come back…

You swallow thickly, unable to recover from the importance of his statement -because deep inside of you, you can't believe that Jungkook will indeed choose you when his trip will be over. I mean… a part of you knows that he'll meet someone who'll make him go crazy and will make him forget that once he wanted to spend his days with an older woman in a village nestled between mountains…

You shake your head a little, swiping away your doubts. You can't let your fears ruin this (last) moment.

“I brought you some snacks for the trip. Actually, Yoongi contributed too…" you lift the bag up, admiring the sweet curve of his smile. You catch a small breath, paying attention to swallow back the wobble in your voice. “Did you bring everything?”

He nods, reluctantly pulling you out of his hug. He grabs the bag, studying the various rice cakes, snacks, and packages of banana milk contained inside. "Thanks…" the euphoria that was dancing along his features a few seconds ago is replaced by a sad expression that has your guts twisting. "You're still on time to come with us…" he starts, gazing at your dogs. "My friends say that it's ok if you join us. It'd be nice - nice…"

His request is a barely whispered hush that hits your face, in the same powerful way it punched you the first time he made you this suggestion a few nights ago, while you were taking a stroll around the village (hand in hand. Unbothered about the curious glances of the people who live here and will for sure spread random rumors about you and the-new-boy). And, just like that time, the frantic beating of your heart spreads throughout every inch of you -a nice sensation that you weren't feeling for a year and a half now.

But, despite the excitement, you can't accept it. Jungkook needs to have his own time and space -you can't be a constant in his plans…

You shake your head, scrutinizing the small pout on his lips. “It’s something yours, enjoy your time with your friends." You chuckle, brushing your thumb over your wedding ring. "It’s not like I’m going anywhere, anyway.”

It's not like you're going to forget him…

Jungkook exhales some air through his nose. "Two weeks aren't few…" he casts a glance upon you, resolute. "I'm going to take you somewhere nice - nice when I come back."

“ If you want to come back.”

“I will.” He gazes up at the sky, thoughtful. "I think I’ll accidentally forget some things at home, which means that I'll have to come back here to bring them. And, ops , I bet I also forgot something at your place. By mistake, of course.” He leans forward, looking at you through his lashes. “I told you I’m going to try my best…"

This is all you need to let yourself go for a moment that lasts a heartbeat.

You gasp once, breathing in his good scent of shampoo and softener, feeling his lips pressing against your own in an urgent touch. Your stomach twists when Jungkook rests his hands on your hips, pulling you closer. You're on the cusp of tilting your head to the side to indulge more into this sweet bracket when a sudden bark makes you pull away.

"Bam, hi…" you mumble, noticing the dog now scampering beside you. You let out a chuckle when he straightens himself to rest his paws on your thigh, in desperate need of cuddles, and your heart melts when Jungkook takes advantage of your distraction to place a long kiss on your cheekbone. "Well, I think it's time…" you brush your thumb on the soft area under his eye, studying his downcast expression. "Have fun, mh?"

His hand runs to grip at your wrist. He presses the thumb on the area full of veins -you're pretty sure he can feel the thumping sound of your beat. "(Y/N), ahm… there's something I want to tell you before going." A ruby hue tinges the tip of his ears. "I - I think that I, for you, I—"

"Jungkookie in love… " a low voice coming from behind him interrupts whatever he was about to tell you, leaving you hanging with curiosity. His friend rests against the van, smirking.

"Tae…" Jungkook mutters, darting him an annoyed glance.

"I knew this little holiday would do you good." His long eyes grow wider when he spots you, looking at him in confusion. "Ah, sorry, didn't want to interrupt you! I'm Taehyung, by the way." He bows a little, raising a hand to greet you. "You must be (Y/N) Noona. It's so nice to meet you, Jungkookie never stopped talking about you."

"Oh!"

"He also said something about you and a terrible wallpaper ."

"Ah…" Shame colors your cheekbones in a warm shade. "I thought this had to be our little secret, " you say, amused.

"I probably said it by - by mistake." Jungkook scrapes his nape, giggling. "It was really awful, though. You were right."

"You were, don't worry. Our Jungkookie did an incredible job with this house. It's… something else entirely." Taehyung casts a long glance upon you before catching a breath, giving you a smile. "Well, I'm taking care of the last things. Just, don't take too long, Jungkookie. Jimin is waiting for us." He comes closer to grab the paper bag in Jungkook's hands and put it inside the van before heading toward the house. "It's been a pleasure to meet you, noona . Hope to see you again."

"Yeah, me too…" you look at his retracting figure, going back to focusing on Jungkook when his friend disappears inside the house. You give one last stroke to Bam before letting him run toward Moonie, who sits beside the van. "So… what did you want to tell me earlier?"

Jungkook stares at you wide-eyed, as if you'd just snapped him back down to earth. He shakes his head vigorously, his hair flutters over his forehead. "I'll tell you when I'll be back…" he smiles a little. "It seems I have another good reason to come back here…"

You rest your hands on his chest, scrutinizing the tiny mole on his neck. You run your pointer over it, Jungkook places a long kiss on your forehead.

"Listen, remember what I told you?" The liquid sparks in your eyes shake when you trail your stare back to his face, which is a mask of gloom that squeezes your heart in a tight, painful grip. "If you meet a nice girl—”

“I can do whatever I want, I know. But I won’t. I won't…" he rests his hands on top of your own, presses the one of the left portion of his chest to make you feel the frantic beat of his heart. "The woman I like is here… she's a good reason to come back and stay .”

You don’t know if Jungkook will keep his promise.

In the abyss of your chest, a thin malicious voice tells you that he won't. His words are just a way to close on a sweet note the summer bracket you shared. Breathing in a bit of him as he slowly kisses you (his hands cupping your face, your hands on top of his own), you know how things will go in the upcoming two weeks: he'll meet a nice girl, someone around his age; they’ll have fun, she'll make him open his eyes about all the possibilities he's going to throw away if he decides to waste his life on a remote town that can't offer him anything… and he’ll forget that he had sex for almost two months with a woman ten years older than him who once loved a man with every fiber of her being and broke his heart too many times.

But Jungkook sits on the backseat of the van, stroking Bam's head. Then, all of a sudden -just when you thought that he's ready to let you go, he turns, crossing his arms on the backrest. He pins his eyes on your figure, standing still on the spot where he left you, beside Moonie. He waves his hand in your direction, and smiles. Brightly. And mouths something that you can't catch -but it reaches his eyes and it cuddles your heart. He stays in this exact position until you become a distant dot with mountains rising high up above in the horizon, cloacked in a summer that's drawing to a close.

And something (something akin to the affection that has Namjoon's name) tells you that there's still hope…

You take a long, deep breath, fingers dashing to caress your wedding ring. And you smile.

After four months…

After a year and a half…

The motionless quietness of the village shattered on a chill morning of April (on a warm morning of June) finally comes back to normal.

#jungkook x you #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #omg my first jungkook oneshot is practically finished!#i'm in tears

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seospicybin · 3 years ago

Text

INNINGS.

PART III

Seungmin x reader. (s,f)

Chapters: Part I / Part II

Synopsis: You knew Seungmin as the baseball star slash campus heartrob and now, your partner on a project. But was there a hidden intention on why he wanted to work together with you? (12,3k words)

Author's note: sorry for the late post! My laptop got busted and I have to edit it all over again pfft... but I hope you enjoy it!

Meet me in the library in 10 minutes?

Seungmin smiled when he read the text you sent him, his feet were already heading there even before his fingers could type a reply. It only took him half of the time you gave him to get to the library, he saw you were on your way to the international economic aisle for your secret rendezvous.

With a wry smile on his face, he came up behind you and cornered you to the end of the aisle, pinned you against the wall.

You let out low giggles as his face inched closer but not quite met your lips yet.

His eyes were looking at your mouth, slightly open with lips that he believed had addictive in them, for he never could get enough of the taste.

"You have 15 minutes before I go to my next class," you said to him.

He didn't reply but tipped his head to the side, grazed your cheek with the tip of his nose and his breath brushed your skin.

Your eyes fluttered shut the more he teased you, and he landed a kiss on your closed eyelid, and a low moan slipped past your mouth.

"Seungmin," you breathlessly called, putting a hand on his chest.

He kissed your other eyelid, and you sighed in pleasure.

When you opened your eyes, he was looking at you with a hand against the wall.

You anticipated where he might kiss you next, you closed your eyes when he leaned in again. He placed a hand on your jaw to kiss you on the forehead, from there, he placed small kisses that led down to your lips.

When he finally did, you sighed into his mouth.

Seungmin always liked it when you do that, first, it was that beautiful sigh you let out, and second, he likes how gratifying it is to tease you and give you what you want after.

He slowly pulled away to catch a breath, but with your hands on the collar of his jacket, you pulled him again until his body pressed yours against the wall.

"Let's make the most of this 15 minutes," you said against his lips and hooked your leg around his.

Seungmin smirked, it baffled him how you always knew how to drive him crazy.

You slipped your hand under his varsity jacket to touch his body against his white t-shirt, your leg rubbed him as he deepened the kiss, hands tangled in your hair and jaw, and all these little noises you made against his lips made his head spin.

He braves himself to touch you more, tracing the curve of your waist and went to your backside, hoisted you higher against him that you lowly gasped.

You turned around and had him pinned to the wall now, throwing yourself at him, mouths connected with tongue and teeth clashing against each other.

For a moment, he was so lost in your touches that he forgot he was making out in the library until you slowly pulled away.

Seungmin’s head followed your lips because he didn't want to stop kissing you yet.

You put a hand on his chest and pushed him back to the wall.

"Let's continue this later!" You said to him as you slowly backed away and left him for your class.

Seungmin stood there like a fool, still reeling from the fact that he teased you and you just teased him back.

He touched his lips, swollen and wet, he licked his lower lips to get a taste of you again.

He scoffed, then brushed his hair to the back, bewildered and lovesick, couldn't wait to have the taste of you again later.

But the practice was keeping him busy.

Since big games were coming this week, the coach demanded extra practice. He texted you to not wait for him like you usually do, and by the time he was done, it was almost 9 pm.

He got into his car and took out his phone to write a new message for you, but then he heard someone entering his car.

He looked at his friend, Lee, who plopped down the passenger's side.

"My house is right on your way," he quickly said before Seungmin could complain.

Seungmin glared at him, "what makes you think that I'm going home?" He asked.

Lee's eyes widened, "are you going to get some drinks? Because I'm down," he asked with such giddy, "I could do a few cans of beers,"

"No!" Seungmin shortly replied.

"So, where are you going?" Lee asked, hugging his duffel bag on his lap.

Seungmin ignored him and put the key into ignition instead, turning the car engine on.

"Don't tell me you're going to your girlfriend's house?" Lee wildly guessed.

Seungmin stayed quiet and backed his car from the parking lot.

Lee watched his face, "I'm right!" He exclaimed, "your ears got red!!!"

Seungmin halted the car in the middle of the university complex, reached for the handle of the car door on the passenger's side but Lee quickly stopped him.

"Okay, okay, I'll shut up!" He promised, holding his hands up defeated.

Seungmin ended up driving Lee home first and made a U-turn to drive to your apartment building. When he stood by your door, it was 10 pm, he doubted that you were already asleep but hesitated to knock on your door.

His phone rang in his hand, and it was from you, he was about to pick it up when your door opened.

You smiled so brightly when you saw him standing behind the door, "what took you so long?" You asked him and hung up the call.

"I-" Seungmin couldn't finish his sentence because you jumped at him, and he caught you just right, your legs hooked around his waist and hands around his neck.

You leaned in close enough with lips barely touching.

"I miss you," he said to you even though you met hours ago on campus, he didn't care how stupid he sounded.

You softly giggled and put your hand in his hair, "I miss you too," you said back.

He got inside, dropped his bag on the floor while carrying you further inside in the direction of the bed. He gently lay you down on the bed, propped his hands on each side of your head, and looked into your eyes.

It didn't take long for your cheeks to blush under his gaze, suddenly you felt so microscopic pinned underneath him.

He traced your jaw, then held your chin between his thumb and index finger, wondered how he couldn't stand not seeing you for hours.

He ran his thumb over your lips, pulled down your lower lip, and your mouth slightly parted.

You closed your eyes, anticipated what he would do next.

He smiled because you must have thought he was about to kiss you, so he did.

A low gasp escaped your mouth when your lips met, you put your hands around his face as he brushed his lips over and over again, making the butterflies in your stomach flutter awake.

He withdrew just enough to make a space between your lips, "I'm so in love with you," he said to you.

You smiled hearing those words coming out of his mouth, the way he enunciated so slowly as if each word carried his feelings with it.

"Seungmin," you breathlessly called him, looking back into his eyes with sparks in them.

You brought his head close to yours and kissed him, kissed him with all of your heart as a response.

A kiss that meant so much more than just words, a kiss that said 'I'm just as in love with you too', a kiss that break your heart open and to love completely.

Then a kiss that took things further.

Seungmin was getting good at learning how to pleasure you, you like when he held you close as he thrust into you, you prefer his thrusts to be slow but hard, you like it when he kissed your neck and kissed your lips in between.

And you, you knew how he likes having your hands around his neck, the way you trailed down his abdomen with your fingertips and your hand tangled in his fluffy, dark hair.

He was getting good at it, the way you pulled at his hair, he knew that you were so close to your climax.

He began to pick up the pace, propped his hand on the bed for leverage.

You took his hand in yours instead and intertwined it, "there, perfect!" You said to him, sweetly smiling at him.

You were already dressed in a t-shirt when he came back from the bathroom, waiting for him to join you on the bed.

He got on and under the duvet, took you on his arms so you could rest your head on his chest.

"I heard the baseball team going on a retreat next week?" You asked with your hand touching his bare stomach under the duvet, you like touching his taut abs and the warmth of his skin.

"Yeah," he replied.

"For how long?"

"5 days, I guess," he answered, rubbing your arm affectionately, "how do you know?"

"Well, I have a popular boyfriend," you answered with a playful grin.

Seungmin grimaced, "I'm not," he denied.

"Maybe, because everyone still doesn't know that we're dating," you poked fun at him.

First of all, Seungmin never care so much about his popularity, he just thought that he was well-acknowledged by his peers through baseball, and nothing more.

If he was as popular as people told him, everyone should have known that he was dating you, it baffled him that such information was only known by his teammates and Kim. He preferred to keep his relationship private, but it bothers him how some girls were still trying to hit on him.

You fell asleep in his arms, and Seungmin had a hard time leaving you when it was comfortable like this. He held you for a bit longer before carefully removing himself, then got off the bed. He got dressed and sat on the bed looking at you peacefully sleeping, he pulled the duvet higher to cover your bare arms and kissed your forehead.

"Goodnight," he whispered to you, then turned off the light and left.

Wait for me, I'll get there in five mins!

You texted when Seungmin was already waiting by the bus that would take him for the team retreat. He stood outside and still had his bag with him.

"What are you doing? You're not getting in?" Lee asked as he put his arm around him and pulled him along.

Seungmin didn't budge on his feet, "I'll catch up," he said.

Lee shrugged and walked to the bus by himself.

Everyone was already on the bus and Seungmin started to get worried that you won't make it.

He turned around, looking for any signs of you in the distance.

"Seungmin, it's time to leave!" His coach said as he walked past him.

Lee waited for him by the door of the bus, tapping the invisible watch on his wrist.

"Dude, come on!" He shouted.

Seungmin sighed, walked to the bus while typing a new text for you.

He looked over his shoulder once again but this time found you were running towards him, clutching your bag in your hand, and didn't slow down when you were only a few steps away from him.

Causing you to crash against his body, thanks to his well-built body that he could withstand such force, caught you into a hug.

"I run as fast as I can," you said to him, panting and your body heating from the sudden cardio.

Seungmin put his hands around you, "Are you okay?" He asked, holding you and pressing his head next to you, drinking in the scent that mixed with your fresh sweat.

"I'm okay," you answered, "I just need to start doing cardio," you added with a breathless laugh.

"Seungmin!" Lee shouted again from the bus.

Seungmin looked over his shoulder and everyone was already on the bus, "I have to go," he told you.

You withdrew yourself, "Okay," you responded with a smile "I'm going to miss you,"

Seungmin was about to hug you again when Lee shouted his name again, repeatedly in a rather annoying way.

"I'm coming!" He shouted back.

You laughed and intertwined your hand with him, "you should go," you told him.

He smiled at you and pulled you into a hug again, "I'll be back soon," he assured you along with a caress on the side of your face.

You kissed him first, gave him a sweet, innocent kiss to send him off before being away from each other for a week.

The kiss was so quick that he pulled you close to kiss you again, a long, lingering one, where he could get as much taste of your lips as he could.

Seungmin could hear Lee was groaning in the distance witnessing this.

You pushed him away, gasping for air the second your mouths unattached, you were sure that everyone in the bus saw it that you quickly looked down at your feet, flustered.

Seungmin smirked watching you get shy, and gave you a quick hug before finally leaving.

"I'll see you soon," He said to you, letting go of your hand until he was out of your reach. He did that thing, brushing his hair to the back that made his hair a mess, an attractive kind of a mess.

He got on the bus, and everyone cheered for him like he just won a lottery.

Lee was smirking, "I never thought you got it in you," he said then patted him on the shoulder.

Seungmin scoffed, he hated that everyone got to see it, but also he couldn't hide the fact that he enjoyed seeing everyone get envious of him.

Seungmin barely got any time to himself when the coach kept them busy. He had to wake up early for a morning run, then practice and more practice until it got dark again. When he got back to his room, he was too exhausted to even lift a finger.

But the reminder that he might get some texts from you, made his eyes snap open in an instant.

He took his phone and going through his notifications one by one, found some texts you sent him from a few hours ago.

I went shopping with Kim today, I bought some new clothes

You sent him a picture of you trying out some new dress.

He scrolled them down, scanning it one by one, zooming in on your face, and rubbing his index finger on it like he was trying to caress you through the phone screen.

Which one do you like?

You asked in the text.

White looks good on you.

He replied even though he was a few hours too late for that.

He looked at the pictures again, he couldn't wrap his head around how beautiful you are.

His phone vibrated with new text, his eyes widened when he noticed it was from you.

Exactly the one that I bought.

You said in the text. A new message popped again.

I bought other things too. Wanna see?

Seungmin tipped his head to the side, curious about what you bought other than a new dress.

Of course!

He replied. A few minutes later, he received a new text from you. He opened it, and it was a picture of you in a pair of matching underwear, the pastel pink color of the fabric complimented your skin tone and made you look so heavenly.

Seungmin’s mouth had been hung open for a few seconds until a new message came on the phone screen.

What do you think?

You asked in the text.

To be honest, he couldn't find an answer for it, but Seungmin could feel his member tighten inside his sweatpants, his breath quickened, his cheeks got redden the longer he looked at the picture.

I also bought another pair.

You said in a new text. A new picture appeared on his phone screen, this time, you were in a cream-colored lacey bra and underwear.

Seungmin bit his lower lip, his fingers began typing a reply to you.

You're so bad

A reply came a few seconds later.

Why?

You make me so needy when I'm away from you.

He replied, his mouth got dry, and the sweatpants got tight from the growing bulge. He let his thoughts drift as he closed his eyes. Your hands on him, touching his chest, stomach, arms, just like you used to do, the way your lips grazed his earlobe when you told him how good he makes you feel right into his ear during sex, and the thought of how it felt good being inside you, he couldn't describe it in words.

A door of his bedroom flung open and Seungmin fumbled to cover his throbbing member with the blanket.

"What are you doing?" Lee asked with a towel around his neck, his back pushing the door closed behind him.

Seungmin shook his head and put his phone away.

Lee pouted and glared at him while making his way to his bed, "your ears are really red!" He said, then plopped down onto his bed.

Seungmin put on his best poker face and lay down on his bed, "nothing," he mumbled, then went to sleep.

Practice ended earlier on the last day of the retreat. Seungmin was happy because he could call or even video call you because he knew Lee would be out collecting snacks from the other rooms before he got back here.

He called you a few times, but you didn't pick up, it was only 7 pm, and it was impossible if you were already sleeping.

Seungmin fell asleep for a bit until he felt his phone vibrate on his stomach.

He picked it up, "hello?"

He heard nothing at the end of the line, he glanced at the contact name and saw your name.

"Hello?" He asked again, "are you there?"

"Hey," you finally answered, sounding so weak and little.

"Hey, I miss you," he began, cradling his phone so close as it would somehow bring you closer to him.

He heard your smile through the phone, then a few seconds of silence again.

"Seungmin?" You called him.

"Yes?"

"I miss you," you said, but your voice broke at the end of the sentence.

Seungmin heart sank when he heard your sniffles, "is there something wrong? Did something happen?" He asked in slight concern.

"I just miss you so much, that's all," you assured him.

But he believed something wrong must have happened to you, you sounded so sad and that made him want to run to you, comfort you, hold you until you feel better.

"You can tell me anything," he said to you.

You didn't reply but cried harder instead, and he listened, listened as you poured all of your heart out through your cries.

When the phone call ended, he texted Kim asking about you.

Her sister came to her place, and they had a fight.

She replied.

Don't worry, I already checked on her. She was sleeping when I left.

Thank you, Kim, for taking care of her for me.

She was mine before she is yours, okay? Know your place.

Seungmin could imagine Kim rolled her eyes and scoffed when she sent the last text to him.

Seungmin got so disconcerted for he couldn't see you even after he got back from the retreat, he got a game to play that weekend.

The texts you sent him weren't enough, he wanted to see you, touch you, hold you, he needs your hug to melt all of his worries away.

When the game ended with his team winning, he hastily showered and packed his stuff back into his duffel bag from inside the locker.

He sighed when he had to wait for everyone to be done, so they could all go home after a closing brief from the coach.

He pulled out the car key and unlocked the car, his car beeped and he saw you were waiting in his car with Kim.

He ran to you even before you could take a step forward, dropped his bag so he could hug you with both arms, and lifted you off your feet.

Even the scent of you calmed him in an instant, he let out a long sigh of relief, "why didn’t you tell me you are coming?" He asked as he put you down,

"I texted you. You didn't get it?" You asked.

Seungmin groped around his jacket pocket and looked at his phone, he found the texts you sent him, "I probably didn't get to see it," he said.

You smiled at him with your hands around his neck, "I miss you," you said to him.

Seungmin felt like his feelings had just got validated, that you missed him just as much.

"I miss you too," he muttered and brought your face close to place a kiss on your lips.

You sighed when his lips were on yours, brushing ever so softly, plush and warm, and addictive.

If it wasn't because he needed to breathe, he wouldn't stop kissing you.

"Let's go home," he said to you.

Even though he wasn't sure which home he was referring to.

Kim had her hands folded in front of her chest, glaring at both of you.

"You should be thankful that I didn't puke on your car," she said.

You rolled your eyes, "don't be dramatic, Kim!"

"Okay, so, where are you going to treat us to dinner tonight?" She asked.

Seungmin jerked his head back in confusion.

"Isn’t that the deal? If you win the game, you get to treat us to dinner, remember?" She reminded him.

Seungmin didn't recall promising her anything, but it was only dinner, so he shrugged and said, "okay, let's go!"

Someone shouted his name from afar and he recognized who it was right away without needing to look.

"Are you going to the thing? I want to tag along!" Lee breathlessly said as he dashed from across the parking lot.

Seungmin sighed while holding your hand.

Kim seemed not amused that she ended up stuck in a chicken restaurant with Seungmin’s teammates, and Lee ogled at her in an obvious way that you couldn't help but laugh whenever you caught him and he had to look away.

"I'll treat you really expensive dinner next time," Seungmin said as a compromise to Kim.

Kim stabbed her chicken with a fork and forced a smile, "I want fresh sashimi and sushi," she said.

"Deal!" Seungmin said.

You felt the slightest awkward too because you didn't know his teammates well, you recognized some faces but not really in person. It was awkward for Seungmin too, both of his worlds met for the first time, and it felt odd.

When everyone got a little bit drunk, Seungmin pulled you by your hand and sneaked out of the restaurant. He pulled out his car key.

"Are we leaving?" You asked.

He nodded, "I just need to show up, so I think that's enough," he answered.

"What about Kim?" You asked.

"Well, she can be mad as much as she wants," he casually answered, "but what can we do about it?"

The steam of your breaths billowed out of your mouth as you laughed at him, "if you say so," you told him.

Seungmin drove you to the parking building where he used to take you, parked it with his car facing the city view even though that was unnecessary because you were busy making out in the backseat of the car.

You sat next to each other with both of your legs on his laps, one hand went under your skirt to rub your thigh, the other one held the back of your head to angle your head, tipping your head upward so he could place his slick, hot mouth on your neck.

You lowly moaned, your hand gripped his neck and pulled at his hair.

He removed his hand from your thigh to slip his hand under your blouse, threading his fingers on the warm skin of your back.

Your phone rang inside your bag from the front seat, "how much will you bet that it's Kim?" You playfully asked him.

Seungmin groaned and reluctantly let go of his hold around you, so you could reach for your bag to get your phone.

He could hear Kim's screeching voice through the phone as soon as you picked up. You silently laugh at Seungmin as Kim nags at you through the phone.

"She wants me to put it on speaker," you informed him, then turned on the speakerphone.

"Seungmin, I cannot believe you left me with all of your teammates! They're drunk as skunks, and I don't have anyone for a lift home, well, thanks to your buddy Lee, he was the only one decent enough to make sure I went home safely," she endlessly nagging at him.

"I'm sorry, Kim, I-"

"You owe me two expensive dinners now, okay?" She said sternly.

"Yeah, sure," Seungmin answered because there was no way to get away from it.

You turned off the speaker and spoke to her again, "I am so sorry, Kim, you know I love you," you apologized before finally hanging up.

You tossed your bag onto the front seat again, and Seungmin pulled you back onto his lap.

"Well, the hardest part has passed!" He announced.

You reclined against him with your back on his chest, "and what's the next part?" You cheekily asked him.

He put his hands around your waist and held you close, "you," he replied.

He slipped his hands underneath your blouse and took it off of you, revealing your white bra underneath.

"I thought you would be wearing that nice pink matching underwear you sent me," he said to you.

You softly chuckled, "I save it for a special occasion," you replied.

Seungmin didn't think so much about what you were wearing, you will always be beautiful and enticing to him, like a red, ripe forbidden apple.

Library, in 10 minutes.

You texted him the next day at the campus. Seungmin felt like he had been charged with so much energy that he half-jogged to the library without thinking of anything but having your lips on him again.

He dashed toward you when he noticed you were already waiting in the International Economic aisle, hugging you from the back.

You quickly turned around, and he pushed you to one side of the shelf, no teasing this time, he just wanted to kiss you as much as he could.

You pushed him away with your hands on his chest, "before we continue, I have something to tell you!"

But Seungmin lingered close to your lips, eyes didn't stop looking at the softness of your lips that invited him to kiss you again.

"I'm starting my part-time job today," you announced.

"Huh?" Seungmin asked, "what part-time job?"

"At the bookstore!" You replied.

"But you didn't tell me," he said with eyebrows furrowed in confusion, slightly taken aback by the news he just received.

"Well, I'm telling you now," you said as you fixed the collar of his varsity jacket.

"Why so sudden?" He asked, putting a hand against the shelf for support.

"The offer came so sudden too," you said, "I just thought that it would be a shame to pass it,"

Seungmin got puzzled by why all of a sudden you need to take a part-time job, "are you in some kind of trouble?" He asked because it was the only logical thing for you to take such a job hastily.

You chuckled, "no,"

"Then why?"

"Well," you licked your lips because you couldn't tell why you need a job, "I need to start saving, and it's not like it's a real job," you said.

He took your hand, "You can always ask for my help," he said.

"I'm not in trouble, okay?" You assured him, "it's a part-time job. I only need to work for a few days in a week," you explained.

Seungmin didn't oppose the idea of you having a part-time job, but he could tell that it would be hard to see you since he has practice too.

"If that's something you want to do, then I can't stop you," he said, defeated.

You smiled at him, "thank you," you muttered, then pressed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I'm so grateful for you, you know that?" You suddenly said to him, and it made him soft in a second.

He hugged you, held you like you were a lifeline that would save him from misery.

"You're the most understanding person I know," you added with your hand gently rubbing the nape of his neck.

Seungmin couldn't respond to your words because his heart was about to burst into a million pieces of happiness.

He never knew he needed your words of affirmation until he heard it from you without him asking for it.

"I feel so safe when I'm with you," you finished, then pulled away just enough so you could kiss him.

He kissed you back with such loving, conveying all of his feelings through the kiss while his hands protectively held your body.

"I'm deeply in love with you," you said again as you let go of the kiss.

Seungmin sighed with contentment, if only the two of you weren't in the library, he would have done so many things to you to convey how much you make him feel.

Seungmin got sad that he didn't find you waiting for him by his car after practice. But he would always remember your words you said to him, and he would be that, an understanding man for you.

One month on the job, and it was already put a strain on your relationship. You were barely seeing each other, no secret rendezvous in the library, no hanging out at the parking building, no more baseball lesson from him, there were just some texts and a few missed calls. One night he came to your place to surprise you, but you were already sleeping.

On a Sunday morning, Seungmin and Kim made one unlikely unit to drag you out of your dull routine. They took you to a baseball field to give you another lesson on baseball.

"Kim, what happened?" You asked her because it was so unlikely of her to side with Seungmin.

"He promised me a fancy brunch later!" She answered.

You sighed in defeat, squinted when the morning sun hit your eyes, and Seungmin handed you a baseball bat.

"Time to practice batting!" He announced.

"You already taught me," you mumbled.

"This time, I'll pitch, and Kim will be the catcher," he said to you.

Seungmin led everyone to warm up until your body produced a sheen of sweat under your tracksuit and your breath quickened.

You tried to recollect what Seungmin had taught you about batting, made sure your shoulders line up with your feet and held your bat properly. You took a few swings for practice as Seungmin took his position on the pitch point.

Kim squatted down next to you, with a baseball glove that engulfed his whole hand and was ready to catch the pitch.

"Ready?" Seungmin asked from across the field.

You gave him a thumb up.

"Keep your eyes on the ball! Keep your eyes on the ball!" You chanted to yourself.

You saw the ball in Seungmin’s hand launching toward you, and the next thing you knew, Kim already caught it in her hand.

It flew so fast that your eyes widened in surprise.

"Out!" Kim announced.

You must give it to Kim for being so fearless, Seungmin is a batter, but he would be just as good at pitching too. We talked about a fast, strong ball coming your way, and she caught it so calmly, like a professional. She's fearless, something that you can't relate to.

She threw the ball back to Seungmin, then slapped your butt, "Get your shit together!" She said to you then back to squat down.

Dozens of balls had been pitched, but you didn't hit any of them. You tossed the bat out of irritation that Seungmin came up to you.

"I can't do it!" You shouted at him.

"You can do it!" Seungmin insisted.

You raked your hair in frustration, "I don't even know why are we here? Why are we doing this?" You raised your voice without you intended to.

Seungmin and Kim exchanged an uneasy glance, and she gestured him to get closer to you.

He placed a hand on the small of your back, "Just once!" He said.

"You bat one ball, and we're done!" Seungmin said, making a compromise with you.

"Just one!" he said again with a sweet tone that made you feel bad for raising your voice at him.

You sighed then went to hug him, Seungmin softly smiled because you reminded him of a toddler who just got scolded.

"You can do it! I know you can!" He encouraged you along with a few rubs on your back.

You pulled away and nodded, "okay, I'll do it!"

Kim handed you the baseball bat and put an arm around you, "You can do it, girl!" She encouraged you as you walked back to the base.

Seungmin walked back to his position and made sure you were ready for his pitch.

You held a thumb up, and you prepared yourself for his pitch.

Two, three pitches later, you finally hit a ball, and it flew across the field that your eyes had trouble keeping up with it.

You heard Kim squealed next to you, slapping your thighs repeatedly, "Girl! I told you! You did it!"

It took you a moment to realize you made it, you hit the ball. You looked at Seungmin, and he was jumping in giddiness with his hair bounced along.

"Let's do it again!" You shouted at him.

By the time you were done, it was lunchtime. Kim didn't mind as long as she could order as much food as she wants.

She went home first because she has a salon appointment with her mom this afternoon.

You had the rest of your day for yourselves but decided to spend it at your place.

"I think I'm going to shower," you said as you got inside your place, took off your jacket, and went to the bathroom.

Seungmin lingered by the living room couldn't tell whether he was invited or not until your head popped out of the bathroom door and asked, "want to shower together?"

Seungmin couldn't say no when that was the question he had been anticipating.

He never, ever dreamed of washing your body for you and that he had free access to touch every inch of your body, took as much time to admire it with kisses in between and warm water running down both of your bodies.

You got dressed in a white t-shirt with nothing underneath but white underwear, Seungmin couldn't focus on the movie you were watching together on your laptop when he could see your nipples poking through the thin fabric of your top with your hair still damp that he could smell the fruity scent of your shampoo.

And what you did next didn't help.

You nuzzled your head on his shoulder and placed your legs on his lap, "we can watch something else if you don't like it," you said to him.

"Huh?"

"You seemed so distracted," you replied, "we can watch something else," you said to him with your head turned at him.

He shook his head, "Can I ask you something?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you cry on the phone that day?"

You heavily sighed.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he said, squeezing the flesh of your thigh.

"I had a fight with my sister," you finally admitted, "she came without telling me and started saying..." you licked your lips to find a word to say but failed, "things," you finished.

"Is it always like that?" He asked out of curiosity. Seungmin has a sister, but their dynamic had never been off the charts like that, they had a few arguments over time and nothing more than that.

"Only when we meet," you meekly replied.

That was enough for him, he didn't want to rile you with questions that would only make you sad.

He kissed your forehead so tenderly and took your hand to kiss it too, he didn't have anything to say to you mostly because he didn't want to overstep the boundaries of your privacy.

He planted kisses all over your face and made you giggle with him holding you like you were a child on his lap, "I want to do something to you," he suddenly said.

"What's that?" You asked.

He paused the movie, closed the laptop, and a sly grin plastered on his face.

Seungmin had never done it before but he was willing to try, to know if he could pleasure you with his mouth.

You lay on your back, naked with your legs spread out for him as his tongue incessantly licking your gushing cunt.

Your hands fisted the sheet, your toes curled and dug the bed, if it weren't for his hands keeping your legs open, you would have clamped his head between your legs.

Seungmin never thought he would enjoy going down in you, but watching your body writhed in pleasure, hips lifted off of the bed, arching, seeking friction just from him stimulating you with his mouth made him thoroughly aroused.

"Seungmin," you called him between your moans.

Seungmin didn't want to stop sucking on your clit for a mere second, he knew you were closing in on your orgasm. He picked up the pace instead, sucking on your cunt harder and switching it up with kitten licks on your clit, before taking it all in his mouth, lapping his tongue until you fell apart, letting out a high-pitched cry, touching your breast and squeezing on it, high in immense pleasure.

Seungmin kissed your inner thigh and let you relish the sweet, sweet release.

He went to lay next to you on the bed, looking at your face with your slacked open mouth.

When you opened your eyes and saw him, you smiled, "that was so good," you praised him.

Seungmin let his hand roam around your body while his mouth took yours in his again, giving you the taste of your own arousal.

He rubbed your belly, ribcage, neck, the base of your throat, the curve of your waist, then kneaded on your thigh, lightly touching your already sensitive sex, wet and flushing red from his doing.

You ran your hand down until you met the waistband of his jeans, didn't hesitate to pop the button open to let his erection free.

"Now, let me return the favor to you," you said to him as you palmed his throbbing member in your hand.

Gosh, you are so alluring to him that he can never look away from you.

Seungmin was happy that you finally found the balance between college and your part-time job, then fit him in between all that.

He could see you again after practice, waiting so patiently like a good girl you were, smiling so brightly that brought a shame on the autumn sun.

But when you were working, he would come to the bookstore just to see you, brought you a cup of coffee, helped you push the cart of books you should put back on the shelf, sneaked a kiss or two when no one was looking.

Seungmin realized that he had never seen this version of him: so goofy, carefree, and surprisingly laid-back.

Never in his wishful thinking that he would be this foolishly in love with someone, dating was not an option since he decided to focus on baseball.

Then there were his teammates, they began complaining of Seungmin’s lack of involvement. He rarely went with them for celebratory nights, always the first one to get out of the locker room and went home early after practice. In conclusion, Seungmin only did his best that was playing baseball but not being a good teammate.

He got his own struggle to find the balance between you and baseball.

You were the only thing that was able to match the weight of his dream, you were as important, you gave him a purpose and significantly changed his life for the better.

He got slightly afraid if the scale would tip to one side someday, he could only wish that would never happen.

Seungmin hated it when they began to direct their hatred towards you because you did nothing but always supportive of his dream.

When he lost in a game, he came to you, didn't care even if it was in the middle of the night.

And you knew just from seeing his face, you took him inside and held him.

"It's okay, it's just one game," you comforted him.

He held you because you were the only one capable enough to restore his spirit.

You pecked lips, caressed his cheek with such loving, "it won't always be like this, baby," you said to him.

Seungmin never big on pet names, but he liked it when you called him with it, like a stamp of approval that he is yours.

"You did so well!" You assured him.

"I'm so proud of you!" You added, brushing his hair with your fingers.

He looked at you, grateful for the way you comforted him with words that he needed to hear and that made him feel so loved.

"What did I do to deserve you?" He asked with disbelief.

You smiled at him.

He kissed you, kissed your smile for he wanted to take your smile everywhere with him.

Seungmin felt bad when he had to go home after you fell asleep, he hated to be one who had to leave, or simply because he had to say goodnight and part with you.

He invited you to watch his free practice on a Thursday afternoon, Kim was there too, playing with her phone and only patiently waiting for him to finally take her for a fancy dinner he promised her.

He came up to you who were sitting on the bleachers, "you must be bored," he said to you.

You quickly shook your head, "No, it's okay, I like watching you practicing," you said to him with a gleeful smile.

"Yeah?"

You nodded, "looks fun!"

An idea went through his mind, "You want to try batting in the field?" He asked.

"Am I allowed?" You asked him, a part of you excited to try.

Seungmin nodded and held out his hand at you and you took it.

"Put your hands around my neck!" He instructed.

You did what he told you to do, putting your hands around his neck.

Then he put one arm around your waist to hoist you, lifted you to help you climb down the fence of the bleachers.

"Kim, I'll be back," you informed her and she nodded.

Seungmin pulled you by your hand in the direction of the home plate.

"Wait here!" He ordered, walked to the tray of baseball equipment, took a baseball bat and a baseball glove.

He called Lee from the center field practicing his pitch and he came half-jogged to him.

"My girlfriend wants to bat. Can you be the catcher?" He asked him.

Seungmin handed you the baseball bat, then Lee gave you a judgemental look over, half-laughing.

"Do you think she can play?" Lee asked. He said it in a low voice but still loud enough for you to hear.

You ignored him and tied your hair into a ponytail instead.

Seungmin slammed the glove to his chest rather too hard, "If she can't, why would I ask her to play?" He snapped at him.

He got slightly mad at him, Lee could be so annoying sometimes but when it comes to you, it pissed him off.

Seungmin walked up to you, "I'll pitch for you," he said to you.

"Lee is a pitcher. Let him pitch!" You said.

That took him by a surprise, and very bold of you indeed, "but he-"

"I know." You cut him off, "I want to know if I could bat his pitch," you said.

Seungmin couldn't decide if you were being bold or experimental, or reckless.

Lee could pitch a fastball at 90 mph or more, while the ones Seungmin practiced with you were on 50 to 60 mph and even lower than that.

He got nervous thinking you would stress yourself again.

Like you read his mind, you said, "I won't be fussing this time!"

Seungmin hesitated then called Lee, he took the gloves from him, "let's switch!"

"She wants me to pitch?" Lee asked in surprise.

Seungmin nodded and put the gloves on.

"Are you sure?" Lee asked again, half-laughing.

"Pitch below 60 and not more than that!" He warned him.

Lee shrugged and smirked, "I can do that!" He said.

But that didn't sound comforting to him. Seungmin took his position, gave you some instructions to remind you.

"His pitch is going to be hard and fast than the ones we practiced," Seungmin weakly said to you.

"I know," you casually said as you practiced swinging the bat.

Seungmin had no idea what you had in your mind, but he relented.

"Okay, get ready!" He said to you.

He squatted down, put his helmet on, and gave Lee a signal to go.

Lee's first pitch was too fast that you got startled and staggered backward. If Seungmin could tell it was above 60, he glared at Lee, but he shrugged in return.

The second pitch was a lot slower, a slider, and you missed it. Third pitch until the seventh pitch, you missed it all.

Lee was having fun making fun of you with the rest of his teammates watching by the side of the field.

Seungmin took his helmet off, annoyed, and looked up at you, "It's okay if you don't hit any ball," he said to you.

You turned your head at him and smiled, "I got it, baby!" you said to him.

He needed a moment to let it all sink in, did you just try to calm him down and called him by his pet name with a smile on your face?

As he looked up at you with the golden rays of the sunset shining down on you, you looked so radiant to him, overflowing with inexplicable charms that enthralled him.

If he didn't remember that he was at practice, he would kiss you right then and there.

"I'm ready!" You shouted at Lee and gave him a thumb up.

That snapped Seungmin out of his daze, he immediately go on his steady stance.

He heard you muttered 'keep your eyes on the ball' repeatedly to yourself with your hands wrapped around the bat so tightly.

Lee played with the ball before beginning to pitch the ball, and the next thing Seungmin knew, he heard a loud thud, and everyone collectively gasped.

Seungmin searched for the ball, he spotted it, it flung across the field.

"I did it!" You weakly said in a mix of disbelief and wonder.

Seungmin laughed in awe then got up, looked at you smiling as you kept watching the ball flying further to the end of the field.

He saw his teammates running toward him, and when he thought they were coming for him, they lifted you by your legs and held you up in the air.

You squealed in surprise and laughed after, and Seungmin got to watch all that happened before his eyes.

His girlfriend got marched by his teammates around the field.

"So, I guess you teach her to play?" Lee asked you.

Seungmin punched his arm, "I told you to pitch below 60!" He snapped at him.

"I can't help it!" Lee said, yelping and half-laughing, rubbing the skin that got punched.

"That last pitch was 70 to 80. I can tell!" Seungmin said with a deathly glare at him.

"Well, I must say your girlfriend is really, really cool!" Lee said, nodding in acknowledgment.

"Why are we here? Again?" Kim asked as she stabbed her chicken with her fork then took a bite.

Seungmin took his teammates for chicken and beers that night for a treat, he didn't care if the reason for it was so obnoxious to everyone, but he wanted to celebrate you, celebrate how his two worlds collided and it felt amazing.

"I owe you three expensive dinners!" Seungmin said to her.

He looked at you with smiles that didn't wear off for a second, then held your hand under the table.

You yelped when he clasped your hand.

"I'm going to get drunk so you guys don't leave me again," she said as she gulped one pint down and ordered another.

Kim lived up to her words, you and Seungmin struggled to take her climbing the stairs to your place, the three of you spilling in the second you opened the door.

He lifted Kim onto the bed, and you took off her shoes, she curled up on the bed, you covered her with the blanket.

"Do you have a first aid kit?" Seungmin asked out of the blue.

"Did you hurt?" You asked back then went to the kitchen to get the box from the top cabinet.

"Come, sit here," he ordered, patting the space on the couch to you.

You obeyed and handed him the first aid kit. He took your hand and turned it over, revealing a few blisters on your palm.

You got startled that you didn't realize it, "It didn't feel hurt at all until now," you said to him.

Seungmin took a bottle of iodine and a cotton swab to disinfect the blisters.

You winced cause it stung your skin.

"The other hand, please?" He said.

You held your other hand up, and there was a tiny blister on it, he dabbed it with iodine then held your hands in front of him and blew on it. His warm breath soothes the stinging pain.

"You gripped the bat too tightly," he said to you.

"It was heavy. So, I have to put all of my strength to hold it," you explained.

When the iodine got dried, Seungmin went to put bandaids on them.

"I feel so taken care of," you said to him as you watched how he tended to your wounds you didn't even know you have.

"You're precious to me," he said, then kissed the inside of your hands in turns to kiss it better.

You leaned in with your eyes closed, asking for a kiss, and he gave it to you without a doubt. He held your face and kept you still as he brushed his lips over yours until he got enough taste of you.

Once again, Seungmin felt his heart shrank when he had to say goodnight to you, it was like his day officially ended when it happened. But when he remembered what happened today, he felt so warm inside.

Seungmin’s baseball team got into the final, and the match was one week away. He put all of his focus on it, did intense training, extra practice every day, he barely had time for rest.

When he saw your picture on his phone, his heart ached for how much he missed you.

He saw Kim come toward him when he got out of his car. "Heard you got invited to the birthday dinner," she said, elbowing his side.

Seungmin locked his car and put his car key inside his jacket pocket, brushing his hair to the back, "what birthday dinner?"

"Your girlfriend's birthday dinner, of course!" Kim beamed like it was obvious.

"Birthday? When?" He asked in utter confusion.

Kim scoffed, "so you tell me you don't know your girlfriend's birthday is this Friday?"

Seungmin stopped in his track, clutching his bag on one side of his shoulder, "she didn't..."

Kim lightly punched his arm, "you wait for her to tell you that?"

Seungmin didn't have any words to say but hatred toward himself for not knowing your birthday.

"And that means she hasn't asked you to the dinner yet?" Kim asked with eyes so wide he was scared they would be popped out of the sockets.

"Shit! I spoiled it!" Kim cursed out loud and raked her hair in frustration.

"Please, don't tell her I spoiled it," Kim begged then parted ways with him to the direction of her faculty building.

Seungmin felt terrible, it was there, he marked the date on the calendar on his phone yet it was so oblivious to the fact that it was two days away.

He received a text when he just got out of his class.

Library in 10 minutes.

Seungmin used to get excited when he got this text but knowing that he failed you, he still ran to meet you there.

"Hey, I miss you," you said to him the second you saw him coming your way.

You put your hands around his waist, stood on your tiptoe to kiss him, but he didn't really return your kiss.

"I thought you miss me," you said with a pout.

Seungmin sighed because he couldn't resist how adorable you looked to him, "Of course, I miss you," he said, then pecked your lips, "so, so much," then kissed your lips.

He gave you a proper kiss that gave you the idea of how much he longed for you, hands held your body like you were a stalk of flower that would break if he held you too tight.

"Seungmin," your lips grazed his when you called his name.

Seungmin tipped your head upward so he could look at you, "yes?"

"Do you have any plans this Friday?" You asked him, your eyes crinkled under the fluorescent light of the library.

He knew you were going to invite him to your birthday dinner, he immediately shook his head, "No," he answered.

"My family hold a dinner this Friday, and they want me to invite some of my friends," you paused to laugh, "I don't have any friends so I invited Kim and you,"

Seungmin pulled you close, "okay," he hastily replied. Even though he got disappointed that you didn't exactly tell him it will be your birthday dinner but he was glad you invited him.

"Really?"

"Yeah,"

You slipped your hands under his varsity jacket to feel the warmth of his body against his white t-shirt, "I just thought that maybe you'd be busy since your final match is coming," you explained, "it's okay if you can't come, I understand,"

He sternly shook his head, "no, I'll come," he remarked with a smile.

"Thank you," you muttered, then gave him a quick kiss on his lips.

"Okay, now, how much time do I have before you have to go to your class?" He asked as he pushed you to the wall and caged you with his arms.

You glanced at your phone screen, "you have 8 minutes and 25 seconds," you informed.

"I better make the best out of it then," he said, then crashed his lips on you.

Seungmin lied about not having any plans on Friday. He got an extra practice that day because the match is this Sunday.

But he promised you, and he would try anything to get off early that day so he could come to the dinner.

Seungmin asked for a talk with his coach, explained his situation, and that he needed to get off early this Friday.

He had to endure an hour-long of lecture and another hour for getting scolded, he got the permission.

He arrived a few minutes early than you told him to, texted you that he was right outside your parent's house. You opened the gate a few minutes later, wearing a white dress that hugged your body perfectly, you looked so beautiful and angelic, and a smile that made you shine brighter to him.

"You came!" You beamed, then planted a kiss on his lips.

When you let go of the kiss, you quickly wiped the lipstick on his lips with your thumb.

Seungmin softly chuckled, "what's that for?" He asked.

"Because I can't kiss you in front of my parents," you answered.

"Do I look okay?" He asked.

Seungmin wore a sky blue shirt with dark slacks, his hair neatly parted in the middle, he looked more than okay to you.

"You look so good in blue," you said to him then unconsciously kissed him again on his mouth and had to wipe his lips again.

When he came right through the door, you announced his arrival to everyone in the house. Kim was sitting on the sofa and winked at him the second he saw her, she was sitting next to who he assumed was your father.

You introduced him to your father, then to your mother who came with a tray of cookies, and finally, your sister, she was holding a glass of wine when you introduced him, a thin smile plastered her face when he shook her hand. It was obvious that you had a few years of gap between you and her, he could see the faint wrinkles around her eyes and the way she carried herself well like most adults.

Your mom arranged for Kim to sit next to you, but she kindly changed her seat with him, shielding him from your sister and close to you.

The dinner was good so far, everyone was enjoying their meals because your mom is a wonderful cook. They asked Kim first, asked her how she was doing, her family, her college, he could tell Kim was already a part of your family from the way they talked to her just like they do to you.

Then it was his turn, they asked him about college and baseball, shared some bits about their memories because your parents also began dating since college.

Then your dad mentioned your part-time job, you answered in a good manner just like how he pictured in his mind before witnessing it himself, a kindhearted girl, inside and outside.

"When I was in college, I took two to three jobs," your sister injected herself into the conversation, "You took one, and wow, applause!" she said ever so casually while cutting her steak.

Everyone got silent that they could hear the squeaking sound of her cutlery on her plate.

"Our parents paid for everything, your tuition and rented you a student housing, and what you do is slacking off and dating around," she sneered, then shoved a piece of meat into her mouth.

"But yeah, it's your birthday, you deserve to be praised for doing the bare minimum," she said, then took a sip of her wine.

He heard no one speak, not even your parents, and he glanced at Kim, she looked down at her plate and jabbed her steak with her fork, then he turned his head at you, eating your meal with such calm because you got used to it.

You caught him looking at you, and you looked down at his hands balled into fists on his lap. You reached for his hand under the table and held it, "what do you think of my mom's cooking?" You suddenly asked him, trying to shift the conversation.

Seungmin forced a smile, "It's excellent!" He praised.

You smiled back at him, slipped your fingers in the spaces between his fingers, and squeezed it.

You once mentioned that you were an unexpected child and that your mother gave birth to you when she was in her forties, that explained why they looked so old even though you were still young.

Your mom put away the dirty dishes with Kim's help then put your birthday cake on the center of the round dining table with candles lit on the top of it.

You closed your eyes as you leaned in close, making wishes in your heart before blowing the candles off.

Everyone has a glass of wine for the birthday toast, and your parents promised to make sure everyone only consumes a responsible amount.

Your father led the birthday toast, delivered a short speech of how much they loved you and cherished you as a child then everyone clangs their glasses together.

Kim handed you a birthday present, then your parents gave you an unwrapped one, and it was a new laptop.

"I send some money to your account," your sister told you.

"Thank you," you muttered.

"It's worth two months' rent," she sneered again.

Seungmin didn't understand the hatred she has against you when all you did was take her words and let them pass.

Kim sloshed her wine on Seungmin’s shirt, "Oh my God, I am so sorry," she exclaimed.

You took him to your bedroom and told him to wait as you took your father's shirt for a change. Seungmin looked around your room, the one you occupied since childhood filled with so many memories, framed photos, books, plushies on your bed, and many more pictures glued to your desk.

You returned with a white shirt in your hand, "I hope the shirt fits," you said as you unbuttoned it.

"Can you take your shirt off?" You asked him.

He chuckled, "are you really asking me to take my shirt off with your parents right outside?" He joked.

You laughed along with him and approached him to take it off for him.

He cupped your jaw and sighed, "How do you endure all that?" He asked.

You softly smiled, "She got jealous because I was born when my parents were already successful, and we already bought this house," you answered.

"But still..."

"She did all that to make her feel better about herself and this is my way of showing my love for her, by letting her do all that to me," you explained.

Seungmin got sad that you got treated like a punching bag by your own sister when you mean everything to him.

"You are... amazing, you know that?" He told you.

You slid his shirt off and handed him the clean one that belonged to your father, "you make me feel amazing, Seungmin, and I thank you for that," you said back.

It was supposed to be about you, but why you were the one praising him.

"You mean so much to me," he tried again.

You slipped the shirt on and buttoned the shirt because he was busy talking to you.

"I love you," he muttered.

You finished buttoning his shirt and fixed the collar around his neck.

The shirt is one size bigger, but it only accentuated his broad shoulders.

"I love you," he said again because you didn't respond to him the first time.

You sighed and took his hands, pulled him with you until you hit your study desk, "I love you too, Seungmin," you said to him with your eyes deeply looking into his eyes.

He could finally breathe with ease when heard you say those words back to him, he felt complete, whole.

You sat on your desk and pulled him close, "let's make out in my childhood bedroom," you said with a chuckle.

Seungmin eagerly obeyed, kissing you with all of his heart for his feelings were reciprocated.

Seungmin gave you a moment with your parents while he and Kim waited by the car.

"She was pretty benign tonight," Kim said from the backseat, and he knew who she was talking about.

Seungmin didn't reply but watched you walking toward the car and opening the car door from the inside.

Seungmin drove Kim to her house first, she patted Seungmin’s chest and said, "You owe me four expensive dinners now," she said.

The wine thing was her idea, it was intentional to avert everyone's attention, especially your sister from making your birthday far from getting worse.

She wished you again before finally getting out of the car and into her house.

"Seungmin," you called him before he started the car engine again.

"Yes?"

"Will you spend the night with me?" You asked him.

His heart skipped a beat, he never thought you would be asking him that.

"I don't want to be alone for the rest of my birthday," you added and reclined on your seat.

"Of course," he didn't mean to sound so eager, but he couldn't mask his excitement either.

You smiled at him, "thank you," you told him.

When you both got into your place, the tension was already there, growing and thickening.

He pulled your hand as you led him to the direction of the bed, "I want to give you your birthday present," he told you.

You turned around and faced him, "oh, you got something for me?" You asked with anticipation.

He nodded, then pulled out a box from his varsity jacket pocket, he brushed his hair to the back that made his neatly styled hair into a mess.

He took the necklace from inside the box and showed you.

You turned around so he could put it on you, you held your hair as he fastened the necklace.

"There," he announced once he was done.

You turned around again so he could see the necklace perched around your neck.

He smiled in satisfaction, "Happy birthday!" He wished you.

"Thank you," you said with giggles, "I love it so much," you added.

You took his hands and told him to sit on your bed, then stood in front of him.

You reached for the zipper of your dress on the side and pulled it down, slipped the dress down your body until it pooled around your feet on the floor.

Seungmin’s breath hitched when he saw you in that pale pink lingerie you once showed him, so breathtakingly beautiful that he couldn't think of anything else but the urge to touch you.

"Is this a special occasion?" He asked.

You nodded, "It is a special occasion," you confirmed.

You sat on his lap and straddled him, he put a hand around your waist and sighed repeatedly, couldn't wrap his head that you are real.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured with his eyes traveling down your body.

You sweetly smiled and leaned in, kissing him first, but it didn't take long for him to take over.

You brought your mouth close to his ear, "I want to have you in my mouth," you whispered.

It sent a shudder down his spine, just from hearing those words he could feel his member tighten in his slacks.

You ran your hand down until you met the zipper of his slacks, opened the button, and pulled down the zipper.

You briefly palmed his erection with your hand before pulling his underwear down to reveal how hard he was for you.

You shot him a seductive gaze with your teeth biting your lower lip.

You got off his lap and kneeled on the floor, facing the edge of the bed, palmed his cock, and pumped it a few times.

Seungmin muffled his whimpers by pressing his lips together.

With your tongue slightly sticking out of your mouth, you licked the tip of his cock in kitten lick, wetting it with your saliva.

You glanced up at him, you felt more aroused knowing he was enjoying watching you going down on him.

You licked your lips until they were glistening wet with your saliva before slowly taking his length in your mouth.

Little by little until your jaw adjusted to his girth and length to finally take all of it.

Seungmin gathered all of your hair into a makeshift ponytail with one hand and the other hand rubbing your jaw as you began sucking his cock up and down, bobbing your head and trying to make it pleasurable for him.

"So good, so good," he murmured to you.

"You took me so well," he said as he spotted tears pooling on the corner of your eyes.

"Slowly, baby," he reminded you, avoid hitting the back of your throat so hard even though his head was filled with pleasure and how good your mouth felt around him.

As much as he enjoyed it, Seungmin would rather please you than the other way around. He liked seeing his cock buried in your mouth and that was enough for him.

"Baby, that's enough," he told you and slowly drew his cock out of your mouth. A string of saliva connected your lips with the tip of his cock.

"You don't like it?" You immediately asked.

He shook his head, "I liked it too much," he honestly answered.

He lifted you and placed you on his lap again.

Your hands slowly worked open his shirt then hastily took it off of him, and he snapped open your bra even though you looked really good in it, he wanted to feel you skin-to-skin.

He kissed the column of your throat and down to your chest, he cupped your breast before taking it in his mouth, twirling his tongue around your nipple, making you moan in delight. He did the same with the other, rolling your nipple between his fingers before sucking it with his mouth.

He liked being inside you, the way you took him well and felt around him. The more he got the taste of it, the more addicted he was, he couldn't stop.

He let you ride him for the second time, watched you chase your high, and got the same amount of pleasure just from watching it. The necklace he gave you dangled around your neck, and your breasts bounced with your every move, it was overwhelming.

You took a short break for some cuddles, kissing, touching, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears to end up having sex for the third time that night and the condom wrappers scattered on the bedside table.

He woke up to you watching him sleeping, smiling with such giddy, naked under the covers.

"Good morning!" You said to him.

"Good morning!" He said back to you.

He caressed your cheek before bringing his face close to give you a peck on the lips.

This is what he always wanted, to never say goodnight to you and start his day looking at your beautiful face.

It was the last inning of the game, and Seungmin was the last batter to go, he only needed to score a home run to secure the win.

He took a deep breath and gripped his bat as he stood ready for the hit, he looked at the pitcher, who was reading the signal sent by the catcher next to him.

He looked at your hair tied around his wrist for good luck then took his stance.

Maybe it was luck, but he just knew that the pitcher going to throw him a slider, he guessed the direction of the ball would go then hit it hard with his bat.

Then broke into a run around the base to make it complete, a home run.

Everyone broke into applause and cheers, the stadium played celebratory music. The final match was held at the university stadium so the celebration went until the end, while some people were already leaving the stadium.

Seungmin searched for you in the bleachers, he knew where you were sitting because he gave you the tickets himself, he went to your row and called for you.

He saw you climb down the stair in his direction and answered his call, "I'm here!" You shouted.

He outstretched his hands at you, and you jumped at him, even though there was a fence separating you from each other, he didn't care.

He just go so happy that nothing could stop him.

"You won! Oh my God! I'm so proud of you!" You said to him while holding him. He smelled of fresh sweat and sun, everything that reminds you of summer.

Seungmin lifted his head to look at you, "I love you," he said to you. He didn't know what drove him to say that to you, he got carried away by the moment, he felt like floating, soaring, and he needed to let you know that you were one of the reasons he felt all that.

"I love you," you said back with all of your heart.

He smiled with his eyes closed when he opened his eyes and looked at you.

He realized that you are like your favorite flower, a sunflower that never looks back at the sun, and he could feel the warmth of the sun reflected at him through you.

He held your face and pressed a long kiss on you, he was ready for you to scold him once he let go since they were so many people still inside the stadium to witness it.

But you were smiling instead and pulled him for another kiss, opening your mouth for him and letting him have his way with you.

"What's that for?" He asked you.

"So everyone knows that we're dating," you answered with a sly smile.

"Then let's convince them more!" He said, then hoisted you over the fence so he could kiss you more and more, all through the last inning.

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