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vampylily · 1 year ago

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Transcription of Fall Out Boy's interview with Rock Sound

Since I was going to read the article anyways, I thought I'd transcribe in case it'll be more accessible to read for others. The interview with Pete and Patrick goes in depth on the topics of tourdust, evolving as a band, So Much (For) Stardust, working with Neal Avron, and more.

Thank you to @nomaptomyowntreasure who kindly shared the photos of the article! Their post is linked here.

PDF link here. (more readable format & font size)

article in text below (and warning for long post.)

Rock Sound Issue #300

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

WITH THE TRIUMPHANT ‘SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST’ CAPTURING A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF FANS, FALL OUT BOY ARE RIDING HIGH, CELEBRATING THEIR PAST WHILE LOOKING TOWARDS A BRIGHT FUTURE. PETE WENTZ AND PATRICK STUMP REFLECT ON RECENT SUCCESSES AND THE LESSONS LEARNED FROM TWO DECADES OF WRITING AND PERFORMING TOGETHER.

WORDS: James Wilson-Taylor

PHOTOS: Elliott Ingham

You have just completed a US summer tour that included stadium shows and some of your most ambitious production to date. What were your aims going into this particular show?

PETE: Playing stadiums is a funny thing. I pushed pretty hard to do a couple this time because I think that the record Patrick came up with musically lends itself to that feeling of being part of something larger than yourself. When we were designing the cover to the album, it was meant to be all tangible, which was a reaction to tokens and skins that you can buy and avatars. The title is made out of clay, and the painting is an actual painting. We wanted to approach the show in that way as well. We've been playing in front of a gigantic video wall for the past eight years. Now, we wanted a stage show where you could actually walk inside it.

Did adding the new songs from ‘So Much (For) Stardust’ into the setlist change the way you felt about them?

PATRICK: One of the things that was interesting about the record was that we took a lot of time figuring out what it was going to be, what it was going to sound like. We experimented with so many different things. I was instantly really proud. I felt really good about this record but it wasn’t until we got on stage and you’re playing the songs in between our catalogue that I really felt that. It was really noticeable from the first day on this tour - we felt like a different band. There's a new energy to it. There was something that I could hear live that I couldn't hear before.

You also revisited a lot of older tracks and b-sides on this tour, including many from the ‘Folie à Deux’-era. What prompted those choices?

PETE: There were some lean years where there weren't a lot of rock bands being played on pop radio or playing award shows so we tried to play the biggest songs, the biggest versions of them. We tried to make our thing really airtight, bulletproof so that when we played next to whoever the top artist was, people were like, ‘oh yeah, they should be here.’ The culture shift in the world is so interesting because now, maybe rather than going wider, it makes more sense to go deeper with people. We thought about that in the way that we listen to music and the way we watch films. Playing a song that is a b-side or barely made a record but is someone’s favourite song makes a lot of sense in this era.

PATRICK: I think there also was a period there where, to Pete’s point, it was a weird time to be a rock band. We had this very strange thing that happened to us, and not a lot of our friends for some reason, where we had a bunch of hits, right? And it didn’t make any sense to me. It still doesn’t make sense to me. But there was a kind of novelty, where we could play a whole set of songs that a lot of people know. It was fun and rewarding for us to do that. But then you run the risk of playing the same set forever. I want to love the songs that we play. I want to care about it and put passion into what we do. And there’s no sustainable way to just do the same thing every night and not get jaded. We weren’t getting there but I really wanted to make sure that we don’t ever get there.

PETE: In the origin of Fall Out Boy, what happened at our concerts was we knew how to play five songs really fast and jumped off walls and the fire marshal would shut it down. It was what made the show memorable, but we wanted to be able to last and so we tried to perfect our show and the songs and the stage show and make it flawless. Then you don’t really know how much spontaneity you want to include, because something could go wrong. When we started this tour, and we did a couple of spontaneous things, it opened us up to more. Because things did go wrong and that’s what made the show special. We’re doing what is the most punk rock version of what we could be doing right now.

You seem generally a lot more comfortable celebrating your past success at this point in your career.

PETE: I think it’s actually not a change from our past. I love those records, but I never want to treat them in a cynical way. I never want there to be a wink and a smile where we’re just doing this because it’s the anniversary. This was us celebrating these random songs and we hope people celebrate them with us. There was a purity to it that felt in line with how we’ve always felt about it. I love ‘Folie à Deux’ - out of any Fall Out Boy record that's probably the one I would listen to. But I just never wanted it to be done in a cynical way, where we feel like we have to. But celebrating it in a way where there’s the purity of how we felt when we wrote the song originally. I think that’s fucking awesome.

PATRICK: Music is a weird art form. Because when you’re an actor and you play a character, that is a specific thing. James Bond always wears a suit and has a gun and is a secret agent. If you change one thing, that’s fine, but you can’t really change all of it. But bands are just people. You are yourself. People get attached to it like it’s a story but it’s not. That was always something I found difficult. For the story, it’s always good to say, ‘it’s the 20th anniversary, let’s go do the 20th anniversary tour’, that’s a good story thing. But it’s not always honest. We never stopped playing a lot of the songs from ‘Take This To Your Grave’, right? So why would I need to do a 20-year anniversary and perform all the songs back to back? The only reason would be because it would probably sell a lot of tickets and I don’t really ever want to be motivated by that, frankly.

One of the things that’s been amazing is that now as the band has been around for a while, we have different layers of audience. I love ‘Folie à Deux’, I do, I love that record. But I had a really personally negative experience of touring on it. So that’s what I think of when I think of that record initially. It had to be brought back to me for me to appreciate it, for me to go, ‘oh, this record is really great. I should be happy with this. I should want to play this,’ So that’s why we got into a lot of the b-sides because we realised that our perspectives on a lot of these songs were based in our feelings and experiences from when we were making them. But you can find new experiences if you play those songs. You can make new memories with them.

You alluded there to the 20th anniversary of ‘Take This To Your Grave’. Obviously you have changed and developed as a band hugely since then. But is there anything you can point to about making that debut record that has remained a part of your process since then?

PETE: We have a language, the band, and it’s definitely a language of cinema and film. That’s maintained through time. We had very disparate music tastes and influences but I think film was a place we really aligned. You could have a deep discussion, because none of us were filmmakers. You could say which part was good and which part sucked and not hurt anybody’s feelings, because you weren’t going out to make a film the next day. Whereas with music, I think if we’d only had that to talk about, we would have turned out a different band.

PATRICK: ‘Take This To Your Grave’, even though it’s absolutely our first record, there’s an element of it that’s still a work in progress. It is still a band figuring itself out. Andy wasn’t even officially in the band for half of the recording, right? I wasn’t even officially the guitar player for half of the recording. We were still bumbling through it. There was something that popped up a couple times throughout the record where you got these little inklings of who the band really was. We really explored that on ‘From Under the Cork Tree’’. So when we talk about what has remained the same… I didn’t want to be a singer, I didn’t know anything about singing, I wasn’t playing on that. I didn’t even plan to really be in this band for that long because Pete had a real band that really toured so I thought this was gonna be a side project. So there’s always been this element within the band where I don’t put too many expectations on things and then Pete has this really big ambition, creatively. There’s this great interplay between the tour of us where I’m kind of oblivious, and I don’t know when I’m putting out a big idea and Pete has this amazing vision to find what goes where. There’s something really magical about that because I never could have done a band like this without it. We needed everybody, we needed all four of us. And I think that’s the thing that hasn’t changed - the four of us just being ourselves and trying to figure things out. Listening back to ‘Folie’ or ‘Infinity On High’ or ‘American Beauty’. I’m always amazed at how much better they are than I remember. I listened to ‘MANIA’ the other day. I have a lot of misgivings about that record, a lot of things I’m frustrated about. But then I’m listening to it and I’m like, ‘this is pretty good.’ There’s a lot of good things in there. I don’t know why, it’s kind of like you can’t see those things. It’s kind of amazing to have Pete be able to see those things. And likewise, sometimes Pete has no idea when he writes something brilliant, as a lyricist, and I have to go, ‘No, I’m gonna keep that one, I’m gonna use that.’

On ‘So Much (For) Stardust’ you teamed up with producer Neal Avron again for the first time since 2008. Given how much time has passed, did it take a minute to reestablish that connection or did you pick up where you left off?

PATRICK: It really didn’t feel like any time had passed between us and Neal. It was pretty seamless in terms of working with him. But then there was also the weird aspect where the last time we worked with him was kind of contentious. Interpersonally, the four of us were kind of fighting with each other…as much as we do anyway. We say that and then that myth gets built bigger than it was. We were always pretty cool with each other. It’s just that the least cool was making ‘Folie’. So then getting into it again for this record, it was like no time had passed as people but the four of us got on better so we had more to bring to Neal.

PETE: It’s a little bit like when you return to your parents’ house for the holiday break when you’re in college. It’s the same house but now I can drink with my parents. We’d grown up and the first times we worked with Neal, he had to do so much more boy scout leadership, ‘you guys are all gonna be okay, we’re gonna do this activity to earn this badge so you guys don’t fucking murder each other.’ This time, we probably got a different version of Neal that was even more creative, because he had to do less psychotherapy.

He went deep too. Sometimes when you’re in a session with somebody, and they’re like, ‘what are we singing about?’, I’ll just be like, ‘stuff’. He was not cool with ‘stuff’. I would get up and go into the bathroom outside the studio and look in the mirror, and think ‘what is it about? How deep are we gonna go?’ That’s a little bit scarier to ask yourself. If last time Neal was like a boy scout leader, this time, it was more like a Sherpa. He was helping us get to the summit.

The title track of the album also finds you in a very reflective mood, even bringing back lyrics from ‘Love From the Other Side’. How would you describe the meaning behind that title and the song itself?

PETE: The record title has a couple of different meanings, I guess. The biggest one to me is that we basically all are former stars. That’s what we’re made of, those pieces of carbon. It still feels like the world’s gonna blow and it’s all moving too fast and the wrong things are moving too slow. That track in particular looks back at where you sometimes wish things had gone differently. But this is more from the perspective of when you’re watching a space movie, and they’re too far away and they can’t quite make it back. It doesn’t matter what they do and at some point, the astronaut accepts that. But they’re close enough that you can see the look on their face. I feel like there’s moments like that in the title track. I wish some things were different. But, as an adult going through this, you are too far away from the tether, and you’re just floating into space. It is sad and lonely but in some ways, it’s kind of freeing, because there’s other aspects of our world and my life that I love and I want to keep shaping and changing.

Patrick: I’ll open up Pete’s lyrics and I just start hearing things. It almost feels effortless in a lot of ways. I just read his lyrics and something starts happening in my head. The first line, ‘I’m in a winter mood, dreaming of spring now’, instantly the piano started to form to me. That was a song that I came close to not sending the band. When I make demos, I’ll usually wait until I have five or six to send to everybody. I didn’t know if anyone was gonna like this. It’s too moody or it’s not very us. But it was pretty unanimous. Everybody liked that one. I knew this had to end the record. It took on a different life in the context of the whole album. Then on the bridge section, I knew it was going to be the lyrics from “Love From The Other Side’. It’s got to come back here. It’s the bookends, but I also love lyrically what it does, you know, ‘in another life, you were my babe’, going back to that kind of regret, which feels different in ‘Love From The Other Side’ than it does here. When the whole song came together, it was the statement of the record.

Aside from the album, you have released a few more recent tracks that have opened you up to a whole new audience, most notably the collaboration with Taylor Swift on ‘Electric Touch’.

PETE: Taylor is the only artist that I’ve met or interacted with in recent times who creates exactly the art of who she is, but does it one such a mass level. So that’s breathtaking to watch from the sidelines. The way fans traded friendship bracelets, I don’t know what the beginning of it was, but you felt that everywhere. We felt that, I saw that in the crowd on our tour. I don’t know Taylor well, but I think she’s doing exactly what she wants and creating exactly the art that she wants to create. And going that, on such a level, is really awe-inspiring to watch. It makes you want to make the biggest, weirdest version of our thing and put that out there.

Then there was the cover of Billy Joel’s ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’, which has had some big chart success for you. That must have taken you slightly by surprise.

PATRICK: It’s pretty unexpected. Pete and I were going back and forth about songs we should cover and that was an idea that I had. This is so silly but there was a song a bunch of years ago I had kind of written called ‘Dark Horse’ and then there was a Katy Perry song called ‘Dark Horse’ and I was like, ‘damn it’, you know, I missed the boat on that one. So I thought if we don’t do this cover, somebody else is gonna do it. Let’s just get in the studio and just do it. We spent way more time on those lyrics than you would think because we really wanted to get a specific feel. It was really fun and kind of loose, we just came together in Neal’s house and recorded it in a day.

PETE: There's irreverence to it. I thought the coolest thing was when Billy Joel got asked about it, and he was like, ‘I’m not updating it, that’s fine, go for it.’ I hope if somebody ever chose to update one of ours, we’d be like that. Let them do their thing, they’ll have that version. I thought that was so fucking cool.

It’s almost no secret that the sound you became most known for in the md-2000s is having something of a commercial revival right now But what is interesting is seeing how bands are building on that sound and changing it.

PATRICK: I love when anybody does anything that feels honest to them. Touring with Bring Me The Horizon, it was really cool seeing what’s natural to them. It makes sense. We changed our sound over time but we were always going to do that. It wasn’t a premeditated thing but for the four of us, it would have been impossible to maintain making the same kind of music forever. Whereas you’ll play with some other bands and they live that one sound. You meet up with them for dinner or something and they’re wearing the shirt of the band that sounds just like their band. You go to their house and they’re playing other bands that sound like them because they live in that thing. Whereas with the four of us and bands like Bring Me The Horizon, we change our sounds over time. And there’s nothing wrong with either. The only thing that’s wrong is if it’s unnatural to you. If you’re AC/DC and all of a sudden power ballads are in and you’re like, ‘Okay, we’ve got to do a power ballad’, that’s when it sucks. But if you’re a thrash metal guy who also likes Celine Dion then yeah, do a power ballad. Emo as a word doesn’t mean anything anymore. But if people want to call it that, if the emo thing is back or having another life again, if that’s what’s natural to an artist, I think the world needs more earnest art. If that’s who you are, then do it.

PETE: It would be super egotistical to think that the wave that started with us and My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco has just been circling and cycling back. I remember seeing Nikki Sixx at the airport and he was like, ‘Oh you’re doing a flaming bass? Mine came from a backpack.’ It keeps coming back but it looks different. Talking to Lil Uzi Vert and Juice WRLD when he was around, it’s so interesting, because it’s so much bigger than just emo or whatever. It’s this whole big pop music thing that’s spinning and churning, and then it moves on, and then it comes back with different aspects and some of the other stuff combined. When you’re a fan of music and art and film, you take different stuff, you add different ingredients, because that’s your taste. Seeing the bands that are up and coming to me, it’s so exciting, because the rules are just different, right? It’s really cool to see artists that lean into the weirdness and lean into a left turn when everyone’s telling you to make a right. That’s so refreshing.

PATRICK: It’s really important as an artist gets older to not put too much stock in your own influence. The moment right now that we’re in is bigger than emo and bigger than whatever was happening in 2005. There’s a great line in ‘Downton Abbey’ where someone was asking the Lord about owning this manor and he’s like ‘well, you don’t really own it, there have been hundreds of owners and you are the custodian of it for a brief time.’ That’s what pop music is like. You just have the ball for a minute and you’re gonna pass it on to somebody else.

We will soon see you in the UK for your arena tour. How do you reflect on your relationship with the fans over here?

PETE: I remember the first time we went to the UK, I wasn’t prepared for how culturally different it was. When we played Reading & Leeds and the summer festivals, it was so different, and so much deeper within the culture. It was a little bit of a shock. The first couple of times we played, I was like, ‘Oh, my God, are we gonna die?’ because the crowd was so crazy, and there was bottles. Then when we came back, we thought maybe this is a beast to be tamed. Finally, you realise it’s a trading of energy. That made the last couple of festivals we played so fucking awesome. When you realise that the fans over there are real fans of music It’s really awesome and pretty beautiful.

PATRICK: We’ve played the UK now more than a lot of regions of the states. Pretty early on, I just clicked with it. There were differences, cultural things and things that you didn’t expect. But it never felt that different or foreign to me, just a different flavour…

PETE: This is why me and Patrick work so well together (laughs).

PATRICK: Well, listen; I’m a rainy weather guy. There is just things that I get there. I don’t really drink anymore all that much. But I totally will have a beer in the UL, there’s something different about every aspect of it, about the ordering of it, about the flavour of it, everything, it’s like a different vibe. The UK audience seemed to click with us too. There have been plenty of times where we felt almost like a UK band than an American one. There have been years where you go there and almost get a more familial reaction than you would at home.

Rock Sound has always been a part of that for us. It was one of the first magazines to care about us and the first magazine to do real interviews. That’s the thing, you would do all these interviews and a lot of them would be like ‘so where did the band’s name come from?’ But Rock Sound took us seriously as artists, maybe before some of us did. That actually made us think about who we are and that was a really cool experience. I think in a lot of ways, we wouldn’t be the band we are without the UK, because I think it taught us a lot about what it is to be yourself.

Fall Out Boy’s ‘So Much (For) Stardust’ is out now via Fueled By Ramen

#fall out boy #fob #tourdust #pete wentz #patrick stump #fob interview #so much for stardust #smfs era #your unemployed friend at 2pm on a monday:#anyways. hope this is helpful i loved the interview!

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sapphicscholar · 4 months ago

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A/N: it’s here, it’s well over 8,000 words, and it’s decidedly E-rated haha enjoy!

Chapter Preview:

The next day Ava wakes up with a pulsing headache and a pit in her stomach. The shower barely helps, and the only reason she bothers heading downstairs at all is a stubborn refusal to let Trish or Mitch or Kelsey or Deborah or any of those fuckers think they’ve won.

She ignores Pam’s chipper, “Hello, Agent Daniels!” and pours herself as much coffee as the little paper cups will allow.

It feels like everyone is staring at her, and Ava longs to be down in her basement office where she can just be a person.

“Good morning, agents!” Pam announces once most of them have filtered downstairs—all of them dressed in workout attire, as instructed. “I hope you’re all excited because the sun is out, the humidity is relatively low, and today we’ll be taking a bus out to the ropes course and our surprise activity!”

The announcement is met with a mixture of enthusiasm, on one hand, and low grumbling about better uses of their time on the other.

Still, everyone falls in line as they head out to the waiting charter bus.

It feels like a middle school field trip as Ava traipses past rows of agents all neatly partnered up with a seat buddy and sinks down low into her seat alone.

“Agent Daniels, yoo-hoo!” Pam calls out too loudly, and Ava wants to melt into the floor and die. “Make sure to sit with your partner! Deborah’s a few rows back!”

#fanfic #hacks hbo #ava x deborah #deborah vance #ava daniels #smut #X files au #folie à deux #ao3feed

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caffernnn · 11 months ago

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as a folie a deux stan, would you share your thoughts & feelings about the album

A chance to ramble about one of my all-time faves?? ooOOO SAY LESS MY FRIEND ♥️🧸💛

I think Folie finding a place in my heart was a perfect storm — I’m a new fan falling into obsession with FOB during my mid-teens, and they’re starting to get into the hayday of the post-hiatus SR&R era. So of course, I’m looking through wiki pages, poking through fan pages, seeing interviews here and there (doing research for my sophomore year’s mandatory big research essay, and also satisfying my need to Know Everything™️ ), and I start wondering about how hiatus happened. What’s up with Folie? Why is it listed as not being well-received by fans and painful for the band (at that time)?

It becomes this situation where you’re handing 16-year-old me this misfit outcast album, one with bears on the cover (I’m predictable and easy to please shhhh) and an openly experimental vibe set apart from their previous work (more collaborative iirc, the four of them drawing on stuff they were inspired by to try new things). Pair that outcast magnetism (impulse to show love to wounded birds and rejected things) with lyrics that speak to the liminal space I existed in with my own adolescent identity (lyrics speaking to madness in complex dependent relationships, to not knowing yourself, to wanting to know yourself, to wanting to know the world, to trying to figure out morals and love and worth amidst your missteps and lost sense of self and unspeakable depression), and I was sunk. Listened to some YouTube video rip of the full album (or playlists that also included pavlove and lullabye) to fall asleep at night, while showering, really whenever I had a chance in my downtime (since I didn’t have headphones and listened to more of the futct/ioh/sr&r hit singles when with friends). Something about Pete’s devastating lyrical angst and Patrick/Joe/Andy’s artistry and the heavy feelings surrounding the album (from the minor bits the fans/public know about the time and the stories weaved throughout the album) started hitting in a specific way that had me imprinting on Folie and the band like a baby bird. Yeah, I started having that feeling of being understood by music with other bands (MCR, Paramore, P!atD, classic emo trinity stuff) along with some of the more pop punk stuff I was already into (PtV, ATL, you know the era), but for whatever reason, Folie maintained its place as my heart and soul album (along with Soul Punk for PStump-related reasons, but we’re not talking about her right now 🏃🏻��♀️)

We’d be here all night if I tried to list favorite songs or lyrics, but I can ramble a bit about what hit me most when I started going “oh yeah, this is my album” as a teen:

I mean like, of course, right? “What a Catch, Donnie” is the pinnacle ballad, from all the lyrical callbacks and cameo features to the somber/hopeful music video, plus the interviews out there noting the song as lyrically important to the band. I think you can find stuff from back in that era (‘08-‘09) talking about it as almost a “swan song,” a final message that’s as close as you’ll get to personal convictions in a less-autobiographical album. For me, it felt like a love letter to their past selves in the unstoppable march forward in time. It felt like grief, the kind that comes with change and it’s inevitable losses, but it also felt like hope. Imagine not seeing goodness within you, not recognizing yourself, feeling stranded and pushed by the tides and not sure where you’ll end up. Then, imagine finding a lifeline through hanging on to someone else with the same type of stormy muddled mind, finding them and becoming their looking glass, their mirror, their guide — helping someone apathetic and listless find a spark again after giving up on themselves. It makes you wonder if you’ll find clarity through connection too, if you’ll be saved over and over again by people who see you and make sense of it all, or maybe don’t make it all better/comprehensible but care for you anyway. It became an anthem for me to hang onto my friends and budding new interests to help make me feel whole and keep going at a time where everything felt overwhelming and impossibly complicated (the curse of being 15/16/etc). Something about learning about hiatus, learning about the peaks and valleys of the band, looking at it all while having the fortune of knowing they find their ways back to each other to create more music and memories and get to keep growing together — that was big for me in a way I couldn’t articulate at the time but still felt deeply. We can be lost, but still found; flawed, but still loved. That’s important to hear when you’re stumbling through those early formative years, and important to be reminded of when we stumble through evolving our identities again and again and again.

There’s a lot of nostalgic love for the album now that I’ve held onto it for a decade, but it’s still so fun to revisit and holds up for me amidst all of the new music I listen to now. SM(f)S wriggled it’s way into my heart this past year and sits in there holding onto Folie’s hand, speaking on heavy themes and channeling that same motivation to experiment and create a legacy through music. Getting to see FOB live this year (!!!) playing Folie songs live (!!!!!) and eventually revisiting the whole album throughout the duration of tourdust (!!!!!!!) was an amazing experience, and it’s great to see Folie get her flowers in the many years since her release. Happy 15 years, Folie!! 🩵🐻💙

#folie a deux #late night catherine lore time #hold on let me just talk your ear off real quick <3 #tldr: I just think she’s neat #unrelated side note: folie a bleu recolor is so pretty. like yeah the original deep reds are everything but BLUE!!!!#song stuff #I should probably have a FOB tag. since. y’know. I’m so casual chill normal about them #anyway #thanks for asking!#celesteeal

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blankfairy · 6 months ago

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thank you sm for the tag @thenn!! this was really fun!

1. How many works do you have on ao3 (or masterlist)? twelve total published!! but a hell of a lot more rotting in my google drive and three-ring binders haha

2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 23,456 including my fics from my nsfw account. (i can't believe it's all sequential??)

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently, resident evil and house of the dragon. in the past i've written for overwatch, fortnite, and warrior cats. i'd love to do some silent hill stuff, too!

4. Top five fics by kudos in his nature (nsfw) — 265 kudos afterglow (nsfw) — 212 kudos thunderclan's smallest warrior — 74 kudos a taste of home — 47 kudos i'd be lying if i said i wasn't wishing for an untimely death or demise — 45 kudos two of these are warrior cats fics from YEARS ago too :sob:

5. Do you respond to comments? ofc!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? all my fics are one-shots,, but.... published... this is how a girl becomes holy? and then my two wip longfics, folie a deux and all things devour are bound to have unhappy endings.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? afterglow probably?? just because it's just two dudes having fun. being silly. i generally quite enjoy angst, so...

8. Do you get hate on fics? luckily not! but i don't post a lot, either. i did get banned from a discord roleplay server once because of a fic i wrote tho lol

9. Do you write smut? yup!! i have an ao3 account specifically for it.

10. Craziest crossover? house of the dragon and resident evil, maybe? it's not 'legally' a crossover but i'm just asoiaf-ifying the umbrella corporation and the weskers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? no, but i did have someone steal some ocs back on quotev, years ago.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? naur ...

14. All time favorite ship? canon/canon or oc/canon? let's see,, c/c, serrenedy (leon s. kennedy x luis serra). i mean, with a ship name like that, who can resist? i'd say willsker (william birkin x albert wesker) but. um. i've got other uses for william birkin. i also love weskennedy (albert wesker x leon s. kennedy) for. other reasons. oc/canon, i'm definitely biased but finn x will LMAOO not that they're good together or all that compatible but they're both awful and should never date anyone ever except for each other. exception being that time finn married larys strong in asoiaf and they were also perfectly awful for each other.

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? not saying, crossing my fingers, doubting its completion will only bring that to fruition!!

16. What are your writing strengths? my partner tells me he likes my dialogue and that it feels realistic, and i like to think that i'm good with descriptions, setting scenes, etc. there's a particular action scene in my resident evil longfic that i'm very proud of, and lots of visceral descriptions of gore that i think are done really well!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i'm not sure,, i definitely procrastinate a lot, and i'm really bad at taking criticism. trying to do better but i'm just so sensitive akjbsdkjbfksdj

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? i mean, sure!! i'm a little iffy sometimes because translators can be whacky, but i'll either around, check reddit, etc. little phrases i don't mind. usually i just put the phrase in italics and mention them saying it in said language.

19. First fandom you wrote in? it was either warrior cats or supernatural! i think it was maybe even a supernatural/elder scrolls crossover? i remember toiling away in my digital art class, writing in the tiniest text i could because i was embarrassed haha

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? of the ones published? woof. um. i honestly have no idea. that's like picking a favorite child lol.

tagging: anyone who wants to do it!! i get embarrassed tagging people :sob: i don't want to be annoying

#tag game #james writes

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pwblogarchive · 3 months ago

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September 2007

September 11, 2007

“folie a duex”

sometimes the planets align

sometimes they dont

its like how part of my childhood was stolen when they took planetary status away from pluto

well be there one day

honestly i dont mind you saying fuck you to me-

when you included the "horse you rode in on"

it kind of went to hell

i am sick- like i cant ever get enough sleep or time or words

as this thing grows i become more and more insecure.

cant look anyone in the eyes-

i am paranoid- worried sick that i am not good enough for anyone who looks at me

i know how ridiculous this sounds

trust me

the new video makes me feel the big black sadness

folie a deux is the idea of shared madness- the scientific term for romeo and juliet

i have a feeling that we share that with eachother when you have your headphones on

currently working on: taking it easy-

dont mean to be so heavy just want you to know why i look so gray sometimes lately.

September 14, 2007

after the pornstar john holmes career deflated he turned to showing up at LAX and stealing peoples bags off of the conveyor belt.

i watched someone do this to me at the airport today.

i am obsessed with the change that can turn in the world.

that is what our new video is about.

why was every question about 'how bad is britneys performance gonna be' and not about anything that truly matters in this world.

sometimes the message is more important than the art.

later on we will release a remixed version that includes more of our personal experience in africa.

for now i am content to see the love between these two and the way the civil war that rages around them affects it.

its hard to imagine that they are just like the kids that show up at our shows, only born in a different country...

vintage louis vuitton bags under the eyes

the marlbo-glow

i need him more than he needs me, he needs her more than he needs me and so on.

theres nothing new under the sun

but were reading on existentialism in the shade.

i am so in love with YOU and the idea of YOU listeing to the music and singing the words.

i know its weird but i like to imagine what you are thinking when its playing.

if it werent for that i am not sure where i would turn.

i guess this is another halfhearted thank you. just because you keep tuning in.

"dont you think its insane how donald duck never wears pants?"

life is better when youre around.

but yes i do think its insane.

September 22, 2007

eyes the size of the moon.

iron and wine "the trapeze swinger"

Posted by xoat 1:35 AM

September 26, 2007

isnt it ironic how "ironic" has no ironies in it

havent slept in days.

think i am starting to crack.

my room is thrashed, covered in matter that doesn't matter and i almost cried while watching garden state- i think its not funny anymore.

sick of watching what genius is.

sometimes genius is being completely ordinary.

when i look up at the sky i want to eat the stars.

its daylight again, everything goes back to being boring.

nothing too much to say. just gonna watch the world spin this

Posted by xoat 1:17 AM

September 28, 2007

i dont know if has been apparent or not but in the past year or so i have become so insecure its insane. it blows my mind everytime i leave the house i feel weird. strange. i feel like everything i do ruins something of my friends or my band or the songs i love. i feel like i am constantly on the defense, like i have to work so hard just to make people not hate me that i am not even myself. i havent been able to look the front row of the crowd in the eyes and hide in the back most of the time because i am so insecure with myself.

but for some reason tonight that all changed. the show tonight i connected. i felt the electricity. the light came back on. it felt so good. thank you to all that were there.

sorry. not trying to be a downer or a "poor me" kind of thing, its just been a weird adventure. it feels good to plug back in. this journal entry was one i wrote a year ago this week when i think i was pretty sure id die at age 27 (glad i didnt):

"i couldnt stay away.

the words are obsession and always have been.

heartache lite. diet love.

i am a catch and release boy.

kind of.

put summer in a pine box.

i went to sleep in june and woke up in the middle of september.

making out on stretchers, getting some in the back of an ambulance.

my hips are dry docked.

love is incidental.

the best verus the rest.

'they wipe their feet on our dreams'.

ive got 27 years hiding in the smile wrinkles of my eyes. the real ones and the fake ones take up the same space in the skin.

noone gives a fuck about eyes that are always leaking.

besides youre just hushing headboards that are always creaking.

its become apparent that there may be no one thinking of you the way i do at this very moment.

were "out of the woods"

but i am in love with the tree i used to lie under.

eyes green with envy or brown and full of shit.

or somewhere in between.

i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes."

the smiles lately have all been real. except sometimes its hard to smile when theres a camera in your fae and your just trying to get through the day. gonna try to fuck up less. nothing poetic about it: maybe things are about to get better, maybe theyre gonna get darker. i am in love with everything that is broken and sometimes i like it that whats broken is in love with me. forever kids are magnets for eachother.

anyway, finally got the chance to catch up on my insomnia and read a bunch of your letters. they keep my head straight when i get it cloudy. thanks for sticking it out with me- not like as some guy on a stage- but as an honest connection. it means alot.

ok back to being negative and pouty.

sleep tight or have a good day.

#fall out boy #pete wentz #livejournal

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benji-mp · 1 year ago

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Folie à Deux

***TW: mental abuse, alcohol, talk of suicide***

This happened in the past, when Ben was still living in New Orleans, after his aunt and uncle's funeral happened.

! Bold represents Melpomene (tragedy)

! Italicized represents Thalia (comedy)

! Benji is represented by quotations

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The move went as smoothly as moving does. It was always stressful, sweaty and tiring. Flopping down on the couch with a beer in hand he was ready to relax.

Wow, it’s such a nice home.

"Yeah, it is. The renovations went really well."

Why would you destroy their home?

"Well it’s my home too."

Exactly, they left it to you, the mortgage is paid off. You can do what you want.

It’s left to you because they’re DEAD.

"I know, I KNOW. I found them. "

They never wanted you to find them like that, you know that.

"They wanted to die naturally."

What’s more natural than predator vs prey? Survival of the fittest.

"Enough!"

Why can't you take the truth? It hurts. You know you could’ve saved them.

"I couldn’t have, I was at work. "

You were doing your job, you were helping a family with the loss of their loved one.

"I can’t just leave whenever."

You could have finished earlier. You were dragging your ass. Lazy!

"I wasn’t! I had a long day, I was almost awake for 24 hours!"

You did the best that you could. Don’t listen to her.

Getting up Ben looked around the house, spinning on the palm of his foot only to stop at the wall. Photos hung in a tree shape, one photo for each of his family members.

The photos look nice, you picked a good wall to have them.

"They’re right when you walk in, so everyone can see them right away."

Why do you need to have them displayed for everyone to see? Look everyone! It’s my entire family who’s dead! I couldn’t save them!

"That’s not true!"

You could've save them. You didn’t even try!

You were young. You didn’t have any way to.

"Exactly! What can an 8 year old do?"

Stay still and not move. Weren’t you taught that in school you stupid kid?

“ENOUGH!” He screamed out as the beer can flew across the room.

Oh, big talk. You think you can just be happy? Do you think you deserve to be happy?

"Everyone deserves to be happy."

Exactly, you deserve the best, especially after everything that’s happened.

Do you really think so? Do you deserve to be happy? When everyone who loves you is DEAD. They don’t get to be happy anymore.

" I don’t have to be sad all the time! No one wants to live like that!"

You will honor their memories, they are living through you.

"I have the memories, I have recipes."

And when you get old and get dementia? What if the house burns down?

"My kids will have them. I can put them online."

Your kids will love your stories and want to hear about their family history.

As if someone wants to have children with you! You’re broken! Nobody can love you. Nobody should love you!

Benjamin, you are so worthy of love!

His knees hit the hardwood floor, the creaks bounced off the walls.

Get up! No man would bow down to anyone! On second thought, you’re no man!

Stay here as long as you need, you’re safe. No one can hurt you.

"I can’t do this anymore."

Let someone else have the house, someone who deserves it. Someone who will pay for it.

"No! You can’t make me!"

You don’t want to see them again? You know the fastest route.

"I will see them at the end."

You’re not ready yet. Keep fighting.

"When it is my time and it’s not now!"

As Benji stood, he grabbed the beer can and walked to the kitchen. “It’s time for you to leave.”

But it’s been so much fun visiting you. You really need to learn to take advice.

Remember, you have people who do love you, who want you to be happy. Reach out to them Benjamin.

It’s okay to not be okay.

The silence grew louder as Thalia and Melpomene made their exit.

Eventually all that could be heard was the soft whimpers of the demigod.

“I deserve to be happy. I want to be happy. Please….just let me be happy.”

#Folie à deux #self para #benji-mp

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moku-youbi · 2 years ago

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I didn't start this post as an album review a decade and a half too late...

But here we are. disclaimer that this is full of digressions and might not matter to anyone except for me. I'm not really interested in arguing about who does these things "better," like those critical at the time did. I love MCR just as much as FOB, and Green Day holds a special place in my heart, but lyrically Pete speaks to me the most, and guess what? I can love more than one band that does similar things for different reasons???

to this day, I do not understand how Folie a Deux was so roundly dismissed and/or hated on by FOB fans. Purists want to act like emo as a genre can't draw on or include anything else, which I've always found obnoxious as hell anyway, so maybe that's why I don't understand the hate. But it's particularly funny to me, because I think in a lot of ways this is one of the darkest albums lyrically with a lot of tragically, aggressively dismal outlooks from Pete on his mental health and suicidal ideation. It's some of his most honest, rawest truths, but because of the music it's set to, his fans accused him of selling out instead of listening to what he was saying.

Songs like "27" (so named for the infamous 27 Club, which Pete was just slightly past at the time of writing it), "(Coffee's for Closers)," "Tiffany Blews," "What a Catch, Donnie," "w.a.m.s.," "20 Dollar Nosebleed," and "West Coast Smoker," (over half of the 13 song album) deal heavily with themes of lack of self-worth, the vicious cycle of drug use to deal with depression(both legal and illicit), conflating mental illness with talent, lack of control over his own life, struggling with feelings ungrateful in the face of fame (what does someone so famous/wealthy/well-loved/good-looking have to complain about anyway, cry-baby?!), being accused of using his mental illness as a prop, or faking it for notoriety, unable to find a human connection or not being able to hold onto it when he does, and on, and on, and on, all laced through, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly, with this idea that he doesn't know how to continue living, wants something desperately to show him how to continue living.

It's someone screaming for help, and given that Pete later discussed much of the inspiration coming from his feeling of the inevitability of the band's breakup, it's no wonder. These things are lyrically explicit or discussed in depth in interviews: He saw Fall Out Boy as the thing that had kept him alive past 27 (Pete and his management legitimately thought he would not live past that age). He saw Patrick as someone he was very close to, who understood him, something he regularly says feels impossible to him (what a match/I'm half-doomed, and you're semi-sweet). And he saw it falling apart (two songs acknowledge how tired they're getting in their first lines, "The (shipped) Gold Standard" and "20 Dollar Nosebleed" with Sometimes I wanna quit this song and become an accountant now/But I'm no good at math and besides the dollar is down and Have you ever wanted to disappear/And join a monastery, respectively). In "Tiffany Blews," Pete tells us he's A caterpillar that got stuck/Mr. Moth, come quick with any luck/A long walk to a dark house/A roman candle heart keep us far apart. He'd made it halfway through this transformation into something or someone else, maybe someone healthier or at least past self-destructive tendencies, and now he's stuck. He doesn't know what's coming next, but he needs it fast because he doesn't know if he can hold on for it. (Slightly off-topic, but I can't help but wonder how seeing Panic! at the Disco's split might have fucked him up over it even more--thank fuck things went much better for Fall Out Boy in that regard...)(If this is all getting you down, just remember the hiatus ended, and we have several beautiful albums that followed.) (Also off topic, but if you're an FOB fan and haven't listened to Pete's hiatus band's work, you are seriously missing the fuck out. I'll do a post on that later...)

But FOB fans are notoriously hard to please, something Pete acknowledges frequently on this album as well as others (on "She's My Winona" Patrick sings, Even the young ones become irrelevant/They always bring up how you changed/Never the same person when I go to sleep/As when I wake up,) while simultaneously letting them know he doesn't give a fuck (All of "I Don't Care").

I mean, I get that it's not a perfect album, but it's so full of pomp and passion, with all these catchy, pop-y choruses that make you wanna sing along at the top of your lungs while racing through the city with windows down (yes, okay, I'm harkening back to Infinity on High, but "Bang the Doldrums" is one of my favourite songs ever, so...) Poignant and tragic or breezy and giddy or maybe sometimes just a little bombastic, but with style. It also is a preview of some of the internal conflict over creative control that led to their hiatus, and the lyrical and stylistic changes from the albums that came after it ended. You can almost divide FOB's sound into Before Folie a Deux and After Folie a Deux (others will argue that Infinity on High marks that change. I think it has a lot more in common with what came before than what came after, but that's just me. I could alternately see their career as 3 distinct eras with 1 being PR/EOwYG, TTtYG, FUtCT, 2 being IoH and FaD, and 3 being everything post hiatus thus far, but I digress even further...)

But there are so few artists out there that create an album with such a mishmash of songs and pull it off. I mean, the rock opera anthems, power ballads, funk, 60's and 70's pop and rock influences, and whatever the hell "20 Dollar Nosebleed" is (other than absolutely delightful, especially with Brendon's vocals in there merging beautifully with Patrick's)--ragtime? IDEK?

There's so much in these lyrics, from the self-aware struggle for authenticity given their wealth and fame ("Disloyal Order of Water Buffalo": imperfect boys/With their perfect ploys/Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy). Pete's self-destructiveness, tempered by impending fatherhood: ("She's My Wyonna:" The only thing suicidal here is the door/We had a good run/Even I have to admit/Life's just a pace-car on death/Only less diligent/Hell or Glory/I don't want anything in between/Then came a baby boy with long eyelashes/Daddy said, "you gotta show the world the thunder!"), and maybe bitterness over the mockery made of his suicide attempts ("West Coast Smoker:" Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats/Gotta kill themselves 9 times before they get it right.) The politically invective ("20 Dollar Nosebleed:" The man who would be king goes to the/Desert the same war his dad rehearsed/Came back with flags on coffins and said/We won, oh, we won). The absolute tragic (All of "27," really, but starting off rough with, If home is where the heart is/then we're all just fucked/I can't remember.) And the just plain fun ("w.a.m.s.:" My head's in heaven/My soles are in hell/Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well, and the absurdly whimsicality of "20 Dollar Nosebleed's chorus," Ba ba ba ba Benzedrine, bla bla bla Benzedrine/Ba ba ba ba ba Benzedrine, ahh.

I understand how scary it can be as a fan of a particular musician or band when their sound changes. I get it in a very profound way I'll touch on later in a different post, because this one is getting out of hand. But if we insist on our artists never changing, then we're just going to stagnate right along with them. Growth and change can be painful, but it can lead to beautiful things. Folie a Deux was Fall Out Boy going through growing pains, as individuals in their personal and professional lives, and as artists, both together and separately. I am as thankful for it as I am for everything they've created and shared with us. Even the few songs of theirs that aren't to my tastes. Either you accept that you aren't interested in authenticity so much as playing to your expectations, or you can't yell at them about betraying you.

#fall out boy #folie a deux #pete wentz is the lyricist of my heart #and Patrick the singer #even if I don't always understand what Pete means #or what the fuck Patrick is saying

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dreamingofscully · 4 years ago

Photo

MOVIE: “The X-Files: Fight the Future” - X-Files Rewatch

"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder? To debunk your work, to rein you in, to shut you down." - Scully "But you saved me! As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You've kept me honest ... you've made me a whole person. I owe you everything ... Scully, and you owe me nothing. I don't know if I wanna do this alone... I don't even know if I can ... and if I quit now, they win." - Mulder

Seeing XF in theatres. The black screen, and suddenly the theme music, the oil, the Title on screen. One of the best moments of my life.

How do we go from the devastation of "The End" to the happy, jokey Mulder and Scully at the beginning of the movie?

I have some ideas, which are currently in development.

"Mulder, it's me." First line. ❤️

Introducing the characters to a new audience: Scully as the rational one, Mulder "playing a hunch".

Joking with each other, incredible banter and UST. Such a wonderful team.

They are in a good place here.

Mulder hitting something when frustrated.

SCULLY IS BADASS LISTEN TO HER!!

Standing beside each other when they get into the snack room with the bomb,

Scully grabbing Mulder, yelling at him to leave.

He has a sense something's wrong. His self-sacrificing nature, doesn't care about his danger.

Scully in the meeting, Mulder's late. 😥

That they cover for each other. Blaming themselves for what happened and not wanting the other to take any responsibility. (Mulder would have been lying to protect Scully here. When the SAC ordered M&S to leave him, against regulations, Scully listened while Mulder pushed back.)

Outside the meeting

Scully's suit is so... Hnnng. I think it’s the same one she wears at the end of the movie. I’d wear it every day. Jesus.

Mulder with his sleeves rolled up, how long was he waiting?

Both of them are so damned beautiful this movie.

They're being split up. Not just to different departments but different STATES.

- Mulder moves a bit closer when she tells him this.

"And now if they were to transfer me to Omaha or Cleveland, or some field office, it just doesn't hold the interest for me that it once did. Not after what I've seen and done." - Scully

Not to mention being separated from Mulder.

Mulder realizes she's quitting, which he assumes means he's losing her.

Scully's in a place where she feels that she can't or won't get answers, and she can move on from the X-Files with relatively little fuss. In fact, the price that she feels both her and Mulder keep paying seems too steep for the bits and pieces that they get. Even if they get the truth, get answers, will they be able to hold those responsible to justice? Scully doesn't think so, not any more. So is it worth it? Only because Mulder is there, she needs to watch his back, and she loves working with him. But if he decided to leave, to do something else, she would be fine with it. He can't, because of his sister, ultimately. But all throughout season 5 (since Redux probably: “That would mean that for 4 years we've been nothing more than pawns in a game, that it was a lie from the beginning. Mulder, these men... You give them your faith and you're supposed to trust them with your life.”) and then season 6 we see Scully drifting away from wanting to work on the X-Files, wanting to leave and bring Mulder with her. She won't leave without Mulder, unless forced to by larger powers. She's leaving the bureau to STAY with Mulder, not to leave him. Mulder thinks there's some hope they can get the X-Files back, together, and that if she leaves the FBI he won't see her again.

"Maybe you should ask yourself if your heart's still in it, too." - Scully

Scully is asking him to move on WITH her. Mulder assumes she is just leaving and abandoning not only him but their work on the X-Files. The answers and the truth (and his sister) still mean a lot to him.

Scully knows how relentless Mulder is. She loves it but it's also frustrating. He can't give up and will still pursue his answers in whatever way he can. What is her choice? Stay in the bureau and get transferred away with some hope of returning and working with him or leaving the bureau and having some sort of friendship/relationship with him outside of their work.

Her soft "I'm sorry." when he goes to leave.

Knowing she's disappointing him, even if she thinks she doesn't matter.

Scully's sad face when she gives him his jacket. Her hesitance about leaving in the hallway.

Mulder drinking. [["I usually, I normally never, I don’t drink.." (Syzygy)]]

Feeling pretty sorry for himself.

"One is the loneliest number." - Mulder

Thinking about his impending split from Scully. 😥

"I heard you come in here now and again, figured you'd be needing a little drinkie tonight." - Kurtzweil to Mulder

When did he start going to the bar occasionally? During Scully's cancer perhaps, losing himself in his sorrow.

Going to Scully's after hearing what Kurtzweil said. Maybe the last chance he has to do something with her. 😥

She can't sleep. 😥

Their interaction at Scully's apartment.

"Are you drunk, Mulder?" - Scully "I ... I ... I was until about 20 minutes ago, yeah." - Mulder "Was that before or after you decided to come here?" - Scully "What exactly are you implying?" - Mulder

Scully thinking he's just drunk, that he came here to get her to change her mind, to do something neither of them has had the guts to do sober. But she doesn't want anything from an inebriated Mulder.

BUT! Don't worry Scully it's just a case. 😥

I think Scully's wearing the same coat as the one she wore in Christmas Carol.

She always knows to pack gloves around Mulder.

Standing close over the body.

Love Scully in the cold room & the phone ringing. Her panicked face. Mulder just left her there. 🙄

Hiding under the gurneys. 😆

Scully arriving in Dallas. Mulder wasn't sure if she'd come but his face says everything - so happy she changed her mind. He needs her.

Standing closely over the microscope. His FACE! He loves her. ❤️

Scully's face when she sees what's under the microscope.

I really love Well-Manicured Man. Seems more similar to Mulder's father, except having stayed more involved with the Consortium rather than quitting it completely. He wants to do the right thing, but found himself in a strange position of power and forced to do bad things. He's still terrible, of course, but much more nuanced than CSM.

"Mulder" saw one of the infected bodies. What about Scully? Why are we forgetting about how important she is here? Ugh.

"Then you must take away what he holds most valuable. That with which he can't live without." - Strughold

Cut to shot of Scully.

Everyone knows what they mean to each other, except each other. 🙄

I mean... I'm conflicted here. Love that we're acknowledging that Scully is something Mulder can't live without but at the same time she's not just important in terms of how Mulder feels about her. She's the reason that Mulder is as close as he is to the truth, that he's been able to do so much and be such a pain in the ass. If not for her, he'd probably be unwittingly working for the Consortium by now.

"Five years together, Scully. How many times I been wrong? Never. Not driving anyway." - Mulder

In the car - their teamwork, their compromise. Mulder drives straight instead of going right (Scully) or left (Mulder). And because of this, they find what they were looking for. A bit of a 'knock you on the head' metaphor, but oh well. They find their answers not because of Mulder and not because of Scully but because they work together to reach the truth. The danger comes from them both being a team, not from either of them separately.

The scene with Mulder bashfully admitting this is an extraterrestrial virus to Scully is so darn cute. I wish they'd kept Scully's swearing in the final movie, that would have been amazing.

Mulder keeps looking back at her, making sure she's with them, as they approach the white structures in the cornfield.

When the bees come, Mulder taking her hand/wrist, going back to help her. Putting his arm around her.

Scully's wild hair. ❤️ Mulder gazing.

Yelling at each other in the cornfield. PEAK X-FILES!!

MULDERRRRRRR! SCULLAYYYYYYYY!

Mulder's face when they find each other. His hand on her arm.

At the meeting, Scully looking disheveled as she arrives late.

HALLWAY SCENE.

Scully resigns because she doesn't want to go to Utah. The appeal of working for the bureau has waned after working for Mulder and seeing how things really are with the corrupt government.

What she wants is HERE, in D.C.

Mulder doesn't want her to quit because he thinks there is some hope they can get the X-Files back, knows he can't do it without her. And he thinks he's losing her if they don't work together. That the only way he can have her at his side is if they are partners. That he doesn't deserve her in any other way, or that she'd even want it.

Like she told Mulder earlier - her heart isn't in it if she's not with him.

"I need you on this, Scully." - Mulder "You don't need me, Mulder. You never have. I've just held you back." - Scully

Her thoughts from the past while:

“Folie à Deux”: not believing in him. In fact, refusing to do so and nearly getting him killed

From “The End”: Finding out about Diana: a previous partner who also had a romantic relationship with him, who was able to work with him and believe him

Also, their office, all their files and work destroyed: Not only does Mulder not have the proof Scully wanted to give him, but they lost the X-Files; Scully feels responsible. They were warned (by Diana no less) about pursuing this course of action, and Mulder chose Scully's way - and they were punished for it.

She thought she could make a difference in the FBI, but she feels like she hasn't (her comment from earlier in the hallway at the FBI)

So - she feels like she holds him back. She can't believe, feels like she can't be that person. She can never be the person he needs and wants. She caused their work to be destroyed, for him to lose everything important to him.

I love how she just shoves her face into his chest. 😍

Mulder never planned to tell her these things (they don't normally talk about their feelings), but he can't let her say that she doesn't matter. She is everything to him. 😍

Mulder's spontaneity.

For all of season 5, he's been holding himself back, despite knowing how he feels about her, because he's felt he doesn't deserve to be loved, especially by her.

His feelings come rushing out here

No "I love you" but everything that those words mean to him.

Scully's emotional state. Her chest heaving, tears welling in her eyes. His words to her mean everything. Acknowledging that she completes him, that she makes their work possible. That she is critical to his quest. That he doesn't want to do it without her, doesn't think he can.

Everything that she's wanted to hear from him, that she's wanted to BE to him - proven to her by his words for once. Actions may be stronger proof, but you can always deny their true meaning, misinterpret the gestures. But then he backs those words up with more actions...

Scully can't look at him whole he's talking, afraid of what her eyes will reveal. Holding him, kissing his forehead with affection. Familiarity. They've done this before to comfort and she loves to touch him.

UNTIL-- !!! She realizes what he's about to do, what his eyes are saying. Her world shifts -- HE LOVES HER?!

How did that damn bee know to pick this very moment. ARGH.

Mulder's concern when she pulls away sharply. Thinking that he crossed a line, that she doesn't want this. MORE GUILT.

Her reassurance turning to fear. Bees - can't be a coincidence.

Mulder's tenderness and fear when she collapses.

LGM ❤️

Instant rescue mode: WHERE'S SCULLY??

Mulder just throwing Byers' jacket in the street. LOL

WMM - knows exactly what to do to get Mulder into the car with him. Everyone knows except Mulder and Scully how they feel about each other... Well they sorta have an idea now.

"Save Agent Scully" - hmm, OK, you just killed Kurtzweil but I'm listening.

IN the end WMM gives Mulder the vaccine/coordinates not out of any altruistic motives, just out of a need to help his own family - disagrees with the rest of the consortium on their methods (that they are willing to work with the aliens despite new information that they are being used). Mulder is WMM's best chance to fight the aliens and the virus, but he knows Mulder needs Scully. Mulder would be USELESS and LOST without her.

When the car blows up Mulder's face, he’s shocked, realizing the truth in WMM’s words but still focused on his goal -- SCULLY.

Just think about how much pain he must be in. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.

Goes to ANTARCTICA to save her. Doesn't think twice. What a hero.

At the ship, seeing everything, what it could mean. Doesn't matter. SCULLY.

Seeing her clothes and necklace in the transport container. The first evidence that she's here.

Finding her! Desperately breaking her out of the container.

"I'm cold." 😥

His hand on her face.

Definitely sees her naked.

She's so pale. 😥

Lifting and carrying her when she can't continue.

The mouth-to-mouth. Her joke when she comes back. ❤️ "Had you big time." And her smile.

When they get out Mulder keeps his hands on her.

He just wants her to SEE to BELIEVE him ❤️ He wants to share that with her.

SHE SAYS SHE SAW IT. Mulder's like "FINALLY!"

Their cuddle on the snow. Scully's face in his hair.

The ending scene.

Mulder on the bench, watching Scully approach. Looking fabulous! ❤️

Mulder and Scully's positions are reversed compared to the hallway scene.

Mulder doesn't want to watch her die - this she was leaving him when she was resigning.

Scully now has the determination to continue - that Mulder did what he did to save her, what she saw even if she can't explain it or admit it.

AND she knows how he feels about her. He loves her, she believes in that at least. She wants to give him reason to continue, knowing he won't do it without her.

"You were right to want to quit! You were right to want to leave me! You should get as far away from me as you can! I'm not going to watch you die, Scully, because of some hollow personal cause of mine. Go be a doctor. Go be a doctor while you still can." - Mulder

Mulder's guilt - telling her to leave him and be a doctor. That she went through hell because of HIM. (Not thinking about how he went through hell to get her BACK. Of COURSE he would, but it doesn't seem significant to him.)

That she was CURED. That there is a vaccine for this thing. Scully needs to pursue it and she needs to be with him to do so. As a scientist this would be incredible exciting. She has some physical proof, some tangible thing she can focus on, not just an endless search. That their work can potentially lead to something good, that can save lives.

Scully encourages him and he loves her for it.

She grabs his hand but then Mulder holds hers in his. ❤️

The actual ending. More forgetting about Scully. "He is but one man. One man alone cannot fight the future." Like, FUCK OFF. Shoulda left it with the previous scene. 😩

#xfiles #x-files #x-files rewatch #x files rewatch #msr #msrheadcanon #mulder and scully #fox mulder #dana scully #season 5 #ftf #fight the future #damn bee

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amplifyme · 2 years ago

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Third Time’s a Charm

The X-Files. MSR. Rated: Teen & up. WC: 664. Read on AO3.

Tagging @today-in-fic

He rolls over onto his side and finds her looking back at him in a mirrored position. They’re both still struggling to catch a deep breath. His bedroom smells of sheets a week past needing changed and just concluded sex. How does one describe that particular aroma? He thinks about it for a second and decides that mutual insanity fits pretty well right now. Folie au deux.

“Do we…” he hesitates, not sure how to put it. She is solemnly studying him with eyes that shouldn’t be as dazzling as they are, since his bedroom is illuminated only by the streetlights leaking their dim and hazy light through his open blinds. Far-off thunder rumbles quietly in the distance. “Should we… do we talk about this?”

Because Mulder thinks that falling into bed with Scully once is an anomaly. But twice is deliberate. And this third time is… what? A commitment? A habit? Maybe a declaration that this is no longer just a thing they do when under extreme stress? That perhaps now it’s something they engage in simply because they want to?

After all, it’s just a weeknight, and like many others before it. Living room well-lit as they go over files, sharing decent take-out and maybe a beer. No stress other than the low simmer of anxiety that’s always there. Everything just like it's always been before. And yet, somehow, they've found their way out of their clothes and into his bed. For the third time.

“What’s to talk about?” she lazily counters, drawing a damp palm across his collarbone and down his chest. “It is what it is.”

This is not the sort of remark Scully makes. She considers everything very carefully. Disassembles a thing and studies each separate part before she begins to reassemble the disparate segments into something she can explain in lengthy and often incomprehensible language. Her laissez faire attitude unsettles him.

“Well,” he begins, “because this isn’t.. it’s not. I mean, this is not what we do.” He takes in a deep breath. “Normally.”

“Apparently it is now,” she rejoins.

“And what do you think about that?”

“Do we need to discuss this?”

“I think so, Scully. You know how important you are to me, right? I mean, you do know. Don’t you?”

She’s still stroking him, up and down his body where she can reach, slow and precise, and it makes it hard for him to think. He’s thirty-seven years old and should require a bit of time between rounds of the horizontal mambo, but apparently his body is dialed into eighteen and perpetually horny. He’s flabbergasted by the ability of his penis to take a licking and come back ticking so quickly. Or maybe it’s just because it’s Scully.

“I know how you make me feel,” she declares.

“How’s that?” He’s honestly curious. Because the tone of her voice leads him to believe it’s something good. But nothing comes easily with Scully. She makes him work for almost everything.

It’s quiet long enough that he decides she’s going to ignore his query. But if it’s reticence, she hasn’t informed her hands of that. They’re still busy speaking their own language against him. Her legs have become tangled in his, dragging the satin of her skin across his. He can’t help it: he has to reciprocate. It’s too tempting to keep touching her in all the places he hasn’t been able to before.

He pulls her closer and gets busy with her mouth for a minute. They break their wet kiss and she breathes, “Desired,” against his lips. “Necessary,” she whispers across his chin. “Alive.” The word brushes the line of his cheek. She pulls back and cups his jaw in her talented and capable hands. Her swimming pool eyes threaten to swallow him whole. “Safe,” she proclaims.

His eyes slip shut at that. He wishes it were so. More than anything. She says it a second time, softly upon his face, and kisses his closed eyelids.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Notes:

Random brain dump so the muse can concentrate on a longer piece in progress. Mostly freeform.

Until next time…

#x-files fanfic #msr #third time's a charm #mine

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missroserose · 4 years ago

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Wednesday Reading Meme: Atmospheria Edition

Hello, tumblr! I used to post these over on Dreamwidth, but for the past two and a half years, I’ve been reading almost exclusively fanfiction, with only occasional forays into book-land. I’ve thought occasionally about writing about the fic I was reading, but frankly, most of it was short-ish works intended for easy gratification. (Not that I'm knocking easy gratification! But a 3500-word story about a captive Dean Winchester watching an evil version of himself and Castiel have sex is...entertaining, certainly, just maybe not in a way that lends itself to a lot of deeper analysis.) (Well, other than perhaps a judicious use of the "this better not awaken anything in me" meme. Ahem.) That said! I've read a lot of fanfiction over the past few years, and plan to continue. So I think I'm going to add a Fanfiction Spotlight slot to the Wednesday Reading Meme format. Chances are there'll have been something I've read in any given week that feels like it deserves attention. And in the meantime, I’ve been reading Actual Paper Books lately, largely as a way to wean myself of the doomscrolling habit...and since I’m low-key boycotting Goodreads these days, I figure I’ll try writing about them here.

So without further ado...

What I've recently finished reading The Starless Sea, by Erin Morgenstern. I'd previously read The Night Circus on a long-ass plane flight, and it turned out to be almost the perfect book for it—pure escapism so heavily drenched in dreamy poetic atmosphere that I could sink into it like a hot bath, and forget for much of the six-hour flight time that I was crammed into a tiny coach seat. Sea is definitely in that same vein, but this time around I found the thinness and uncertainty of the plot to be rather more frustrating, in a way that overpowered the richness of the atmosphere. There was still plenty there to enjoy, including a portal fantasy to any bibliophile's world of pure wish-fulfillment, and some meditations on love and change, and one quote in particular on the nature of love that's stuck with me...but I don't think the whole thing hangs together as well as it promised, at the start. And while (as a fellow author) I completely understand that things change as you write them, when you reach a point in a story where it feels like the author has as little idea as you do what happens next, I find it a little demoralizing. Morpho Eugenia, by A.S. Byatt. Now that I think about it, this novella makes for an interesting comparison to Sea, because it's similarly atmospheric, albeit less in the dreamy-imaginative-lovers-and-poets vein than the neo-Victorian highly-organized-and-tightly-laced-household-full-of-dark-undercurrents style. It also does absolutely nothing surprising, plot-wise; it's 180 pages long and I think I'd identified most of the major themes and guessed the major arcs/big plot reveal by page fifteen. That's not necessarily a fault in and of itself—there's something comforting about a story that does exactly what you expect, and it does a good job threading the needle of ladling on the foreshadowing without (quite) hitting you over the head with what's going on. But frankly, the narrative stumbles somewhat in its slavish devotion to form. As an example: our protagonist is an entolomologist and atheist, penniless in the wake of a shipwreck that robbed him of his specimens and research, who finds himself living on the largesse of a wealthy family whose patriarch has an interest in natural philosophy. So there are, of course, extensive passages on the nature and habits of various insects (meant to be excerpts from his work), on the potential space for the existence of God in natural selection (meant to be arguments from the patriarch), and even an extensive semi-allegorical insectoid fairy tale (written by another character entirely), which...certainly is all in keeping with the Victorian style, but none of which really feels particularly necessary to the story, here in this age where encyclopedias are a thing and anyone reading a neo-Victorian novella probably has at least a passing familiarity with the Deist arguments being held in the wake of Darwin's publication of On the Origin of Species. Some cynical part of me wonders if Byatt was trying to write a whole novel, only to discover that the main thrust of her story was nowhere near substantial enough to support one, and even with all the padding she only managed to reach novella length. What I'm currently reading Technically I haven't started it, but The Conjugial Angel is the other Byatt novella in the collection I picked up, so I'm probably going to power through that just so I won't feel guilty about tossing the book on the "to be donated" pile. If it's anything like Morpho Eugenia, I expect to feel thoroughly "meh" about it, but hey! Maybe I'll be surprised! What I plan to read next I have two specific recommended-by-friends books in my queue. The first is Aleksander Solzhenitsyn's One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich, which I'm rather looking forward to despite my somewhat uneven relationship with Russian literature. It was recommended to me by @coffeeandchemicals, and the bits and pieces of Solzhenitsyn I've encountered in the wild make me suspect I'll find his perspective interesting. And even if I end up hating it, well...it's short. The second is Margo Lanagan's book Tender Morsels, which I know very little about other than it's a dark fairy tale. But it was sent by @introvertia, who's become quite dear to me, and the theme of it (the jacket cover promises an Edenic tale of three women turned out of their personal Heaven and having to deal with the harsh realities of the outside world) certainly feels appropriate to 2020. Fanfiction Spotlight I was particularly taken with the premise of @zoemathemata's Supernatural/Supernatural RPF story "Folie a Deux". Sam and Dean Winchester are held captive in Lofty Pines Mental Institution for unknown reasons, slowly being brainwashed into thinking that they're two run-of-the-mill dudes named Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki...or are Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki two men suffering from the delusion that they're supernatural-creature hunter brothers named Sam and Dean Winchester? And if they're brothers, how do they square that with the fact that they can't seem to keep their hands off each other...? It's a clever idea, with the sort of meta-analytical flavor that's very in keeping with the show itself, and zoemathemata makes full use of the opportunity to break down the many inconsistencies and flaws that any long-running serialized story accumulates but that we, the audience, overlook for the sake of the Plot of the Week. My one personal complaint about it is that it ends too soon—the most immediate plot threads are resolved but there's a distinct sense that this is the beginning rather than the ending. The author says in the comments that they didn't continue it in part because they couldn't decide which was the reality—and I totally get not wanting to spend months or years writing a novel-length fic out of what's supposed to be a quick bit of fun—but there's just so much you could do with this idea. Even without picking sides, it could be a Total Recall-style ambiguously-themed case fic, or a "Frame of Mind"-esque dark psychological thriller, or any number of other options...

What can I say? I have a weakness for unreliable narrators.

#wednesday reading #erin morgenstern #a.s. byatt #aleksandr solzhenitsyn #margo lanagan #zoemathemata #the sunless sea #morpho eugenia #one day in the life of ivan denisovich #tender morsels #folie a deux #books #supernatural #fic rec

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caffeinated-moonchild · 4 years ago

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folie à deux [kim namjoon]

writer: michiko

genre: criminal au, smut, angst

characters: kim namjoon, veronika [original female character]

synopsis: namjoon and veronika are on the run but they were confident enough that they can pull it off. besides, they vow that no one can ever take them alive.

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE, SEX, PROFANITY, AND MENTAL ISSUES.

story:

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑚𝑒

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀𝑆𝐸𝑇 𝐼𝑇 𝑂𝐹𝐹

⠀⠀1:01 ───●────── 3:31

⠀ ⠀⠀|◁ II ▷|

A sliver of the late morning sunlight peeked through the small gap of the cheap polyester curtain, a gentle glow against their bare skin that remained exposed amidst a mess of blanket and tangled limbs. The air was still thick and heavy with sex, the walls still carried the imprint of sweat-soaked skin, and the floor was covered with the scattered pieces of fabric that belonged to the two bodies wrapped around each other.

Pale fingers traced circles on the side of his arm, making swirls and lines opposed to the ink on his skin as if writing a story that only he holds. A hum escaped his thick lips as his eyes slowly fluttered open, dark ones making its way to meet a pair of blue hues. "Good morning, babe." His voice was husky, almost smoky. It was a more than familiar tone that he uses, at times, unintentionally.

Her mind was still clouded from the previous day’s crime and the night’s heat, and there was a late morning craving for honey-dripped kisses and lust-drenched skin.

Soft plump lips pressed against his tan skin, whispering sins and delusions on the base of his neck. Strong hands wandered the curve of her waist down to her hips, pulling her closer. Hooking a leg along his waist made her more vulnerable, especially when his hand gently glided on the curve of her hips before reaching from behind, parting the thin laced fabric, two digits rubbing between her legs.

Soft moans made its way past her rosy lips, singing against his skin as she planted gentle kisses along his collarbone, where a wild rose tattoo was etched on, nipping on the skin to leave a couple of marks next to the ones she made the night before. Gentle mewls against his skin as his fingers grew more sensual against her heated core. The corner of his lips tugged up to a proud smirk as he elicited the sounds that he adored. And he knew all too well that the low groan followed by a bite on his shoulder meant how impatient she was getting.

Her slender leg swung over to straddle him as a certain blue flame danced in her own blue eyes. "Didn’t you get enough last night, babe?" he asked, voice husky as his hands sensually rubbed her bare thighs. "Don’t you want to—" He groaned as he was cut off by a spark of friction between their clothed sex, his hands gripping on her waist, pressing her harder against him.

The louder the sound, the more the flames in between their legs grew. Her impatience extended to him as they both rid their bodies of the remaining piece of cloth, her eager hand guided his shaft as she sheathed his entire length in her velvet walls.

His hands molded her waist as he controlled their pace, growling as he felt himself being clenched by her walls which only made him go a bit rougher. With her head thrown back, blonde curls like golden waterfalls, ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑙𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝐺 as she sang the song 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑎𝑗𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑜𝑟, 𝐶 𝑡𝑜 𝐷.

Lost in the feeling of both passion and pleasure, they had complete disregard when it came to the time and how they were supposed to check out at exactly noon, but the loud knock on the door was sure to remind them. And yet instead of answering it, they only let their voice grow louder.

"We should—" She tried to suggest in between the string of moans and whimpers that begged to be sung but it only fueled him, driving her insane and pushing her over the edge. As much as she knew that they were on the run and had to get on their feet, she needed the flame even more.

A smug smirk was stretched across his lips, aware that his movements caused her to become a mess of moans and whimpers, unable to finish a sentence that she intended to stop him.

The knocks grew louder just as their mixed voices filled the room with the lewd sounds of pleasure, pleading, and wanting more as if they were in a world where there were no one else but them. And maybe that was why they were such a perfect match—they had a lack of care towards the people around them, only having regards for themselves.

The sound of keys jingling, as the housekeeper attempted to open the shabby door, was drowned by the profanity that they did not hear it creak open. A gasp cut through the sexual noises, but not even the presence of the housekeeper and a guard did not stop the two as they were nearing their peaks.

Her body was leaning forward, hands on his chest as her nails dug through his skin as she felt the familiar coil in her stomach. Her walls were clenching around his entire length, squeezing him tighter which made him groan and thrust harder, shoving her to her peak. A proud smirk was plastered on his face as he watched her come undone before gripping her waist tighter as he pulled her down, plunging deeper into her as he released every drop into her velvet walls.

Sweat-drenched skin against each other and chests heaved as they tried to catch their breaths, her burner phone rang as more than two pairs of eyes followed the sound of the generic ringtone that filled the room.

"Ma’am and sir, you’re past the check-out time," the housekeeper said, her thick Southern accent making it sound a bit more friendly than intimidating. But instead of answering, Veronika pulled herself up which made their liquids drip down her inner thighs. She crawled to the edge of the bed as she reached for the phone on the nightstand to answer the call.

Her plump lips were pressed into a straight line as she listened to the voice from the other end of the line. Her soft features soon grew firm as her gaze turned sharp and shot him an alarmed look which made him sit up almost immediately. The tension was brewing thick, even unable to be cut through by the constant call of the housekeeper and guard who had their back against the two now.

The call coming to an abrupt end, the blonde huffed. "What is it? Who was that?" The blond guy asked, his deep voice etched with a hint of worry. The previous day’s events played through their minds, reminding themselves of the euphoric taste of their crime.

The blonde girl glanced at the two strangers who were still asking them to start packing up. She leaned in a bit closer to the guy in order to whisper, "The authorities are looking for us. We’re all over the news."

"Then we really do have to go now," he firmly said as he slipped out of the bed as he dressed up as he collected his clothes that were scattered all over the floor. His gaze followed the girl who was searching the entire area for her clothes. "I got your jacket." He threw it across the bed which she caught perfectly.

Without another word, they walked out of the room being followed by the guard. Their movements were careful and calculated as they headed back to the lobby to check out. It was as if it was just any other day, as if their faces were not plastered on paper and flashed in news on television. They flashed the reception smiles that mock how clueless they were that they accommodated a couple of cutthroats, without giving it a second thought—despite the questionable stains on their clothes and disheveled hair.

Parading down the street, they knew they were treading on tightrope, hanging onto their remaining wits and luck. Despite wanting to hang their heads low and not draw any attention, their blonde hair glowed in the midst of shambles with a façade of perfection and innocence.

They knew which item on their list had been checked out and what else had to be executed, and at that point, their clock was ticking faster than they wanted and needed it to be. They still had two things to do, a hit-and-run kind of task that needed a level of poise to handle, something Veronika was confident that she could execute. But even if she denied it, she could feel her nerves tremble under the pressure brought by the time and the act itself.

Upon arrival at the antique shop, Veronika’s blue eyes scanned the area as she tried to come up with a faster yet still compelling angle to work on in order to get the owner to step out of the counter long enough for Namjoon to take the money so they can finally fly to a different city and start over, as they try to put it nicely.

Her eyes caught a glimpse of an artwork which seemed some kind of macabre portrayal of Romeo and Juliet. Despite Juliet’s dead body floating on her own pool of blood and Romeo’s pale corpse laying next to her with the empty vial of poison still in hand, there was something about it that appealed to the blonde girl.

"I haven’t seen this before," she sweetly said, still admiring the artwork that was hung around the opposite corner of the counter. "I bet a lot of people tried to buy this masterpiece."

The owner was an old man and he seemed alone. His eyes were filled with years of stories that are probably going to be left untold. "I wish I can say you’re right but no one really wants to hang such gruesome artwork in their own home." He took a careful step as he glanced at the empty shop, thinking it would not hurt to step out of his post and attend to a customer.

"Maybe it is a little weird but it has a certain charm, don’t you think?" She smiled sweetly, almost innocently, but something still felt off.

The old man chuckled, standing next to the blonde girl. "If there is, you’re the first one to notice it." He reached for the painting’s frame, grazing her fingers delicate as if he was careful not to break it. "It was brought here along with a few more things. I haven’t seen anything like it. Romeo and Juliet are often painted as alive and in love, but rarely about how they died. Truly heartbreaking."

At the corner of Veronika’s eyes, she saw Namjoon starting to make his move so she tried to prolong the conversation. And for a while, she was able to keep it up but when the owner looked at the counter’s direction, he slid his hand in his pocket only to pull out what looked like a button and pressed it. ❝I’ve dealt with you hoodlums for so long, you’re not getting away with this,❞ he shouted before running outside of the shop. The old man who seemed feeble had enough energy to get away.

"Hurry!" The blonde girl groaned, brushing trembling fingers through her hair. "I’m not going back to fucking jail, Namjoon!"

He was getting frustrated as he zipped up the bag filled with both money and a few more valuables that he found along the shelves. "Do you really think I want to go back there, too, Vee? Not a chance."

The two of them headed out, running for their lives, knowing that the clock is ticking and it was just a matter of time until they were caught.

"Over my dead body," Veronika said through gritted teeth.

Five feet away from a car that could free them, the sound of the siren flooded their surroundings as two shots rang, echoing in the open space. Veronika flinched, terrified of the sound when it does not come from a gun that she holds. She turned around only to see Namjoon on the ground, hand still tightly gripping on the duffel bag.

And she could have easily run away but her heart told her not to.

"Run," Namjoon croaked, blood filling the gap of his lips and yet no matter the warning, she was not going anywhere. If she was not going to be with Namjoon, she had no plans of ever escaping the situation.

Through blurred vision, he could see her petite figure running towards him. And though he wished that the last image that he would have of her was her blonde hair dancing with the wind as she called his name, he was not granted that. Just as the lights started to dim, another set of two shots cut through the sound of the siren.

"Namjoon..." she whispered, voice fading towards the end of his name. Just a couple of feet away, Veronika crawled until she was able to reach for his hand.

Their bodies were sprawled across the concrete, flashes of blue and red glowing against their skin. It was overcast as if the sky empathized with the lovers who tried to hold on to dear life, mouthing their vows to each other as crimson added color to the grey. Her blue eyes looked at his dark ones, a faint smile painted on their lips that held an unspoken promise.

❝They’ll never take us alive.❞

***

Upon further investigation, Veronika and Namjoon had been connected to more than fifteen bodies and a dozen robberies. It was intricate, a twisted and illegal work of art that served as their legacy.

If it was not for the mediocre attempt, then they could have gotten out alive.

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waterparchive · 5 years ago

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Sex, Spongebob and sweaty hands: Inside the wild world of Waterparks fanfiction

By Marianne Eloise

Waterparks have a devout and imaginative fanbase – so asking them for fanfiction might seem like a recipe for chaos. But that's exactly what vocalist Awsten Knight has done with his podcast, Slumber Party

(May 1, 2020)

When I call Waterparks frontman Awsten Knight at 1pm, he hasn’t been awake for long. Since we spoke in February, the pandemic has changed things for everyone. Unsurprisingly, he’s a little less busy than usual.

Despite a familiar-sounding “descent into madness”, Knight’s getting through quarantine the same way as all of us: jigsaw puzzles, Animal Crossing and weighing up subscribing to streaming services. “It feels so wasteful. I was like, man, am I buying a fourth streaming thing? Per month? That seems irresponsible. Eh, fuck it. I’m home,” he laughs.

He’s also been doing DIY – namely deciding where to put his vision boards: “My place is very spacious and clean and the walls are white. I get nervous about putting too many things on the wall.”

Meanwhile, many of Waterparks' fans have been keeping themselves occupied with the latest season of Awsten’s podcast, Slumber Party. The premise is as ingenious as it is cringeworthy: Awsten and his friend Travis Riddle read out Waterparks fanfiction and rate it.

Travis, who Awsten calls a “grammar dude”, is a writer and editor with the credentials to give thorough feedback. Now in its third season, the podcast’s submissions are often erotic, making for awkward reading for its star. Even the PG ones make him shudder: “It’s literally Waterparks fanfiction. That is so gross and weird!” he laughs.

Awsten was innocent to the concept entirely until 2015, when he naively tweeted, 'I hope someday someone writes weird sexual fanfic about me and SpongeBob. That's what I want. These are my goals.'

“Someone wrote the most graphic thing about Spongebob in half an hour, and I was like – ‘never mind!’ That was my intro into fanfic,” he says.

Awsten’s fans often struggle with boundaries, and it seems counterintuitive for him to dip his toe into the murky pool of fanfic. But the idea originally came from him and Travis wanting to do something together: “The very first idea was to read the fanfiction and then talk about it and the validity of it and whether or not it could happen – which usually it couldn’t,” he laughs.

The current season was recorded last year, which Awsten is grateful for: “It’s already a struggle to keep your head right at home, he says. "If I had to read fanfiction all day, I wouldn’t be good!”

For season three, they’ve moved up in the world from Awsten’s bedroom to a set-up in a suite with a fireplace in Beverly Hills. He’s proud of the show’s quality, but ever the perfectionist, he’s looking to ramp it up: “I want to be like, on a horse in the next one,” he suggests – before adding that there’s the matter of financing a fleet of horses to think about. We brainstorm ways to get his Patreon subscribers to pay for it: “We will say your name while we’re on the horse and send you a video!”

He’s laughing, but there’s every chance he might go for it.

I ask Awsten whether he has a favourite submission. “No. Fanfic sucks, I hate it all, it’s all bad, I have no favourites,” he jokes, adding that what he does have is a handful of very least things he's received.

“There’s one where it was me but from every era with all these different colours of hair and then we all fuck each other," he says. "It was really weird. I hated that. I hate all the gross ones where they go over the top."

But his least favourite genre is slash, wherein he and his bandmates hook up: “There’s a lot of weird ones where Geoff and I are banging. I don’t like the ones where Geoff and I are banging, because he has sweaty hands in real life. If I’m getting hurt or Geoff is getting sweaty with his hands on me, then I don’t like those.”

There is something he can stand, though, which is stories with a paranormal twist. “They’ve had demonic stuff happen, there have been fairies, there have been magical horses. There have been a few possessions. They definitely get weird with it.” He adds that this season, they’re leaning into the paranormal with a spooky episode. “The ones that stick with me, the ones I like the most, are the paranormal ones. The haunted ones. There’s an episode in this season that’s not out yet where it’s all the scary ones and we turn out the lights and make it spooky”.

While some of his dedicated fans can be aggressive, many of them are creative in their adoration. Opening the floodgates to reams of fanfiction seems like a recipe for chaos. At first, Awsten and Travis sourced the stories themselves, but after creating an inbox for the podcast, they noticed a shift in the content. “In the next season when they knew they could submit stories, it was a skyrocket of insane, nasty stuff. They were just trying to be shocking so they could get on. We let a few of them go, but not all, because we didn’t want it all to be like: ‘and THEN he put his dick in a pencil sharpener!’”

In recent months, Awsten has been trying to stay offline, both to mitigate the negativity and avoid internalising too much input on his music: “If you tweeted or made songs or art or whatever for your most sensitive followers, you would have the most shitty, bland work ever,” he says. "That’s another reason to just stay away and focus on the reason they’re supposed to be there in the first place – which is what you make.

"Some people say they’ll like it either way, and I’m like, on the off chance they hate it, I want it to at least be something I really love, so I can be like, well, I like it.”

There’s one band in particular whose approach to focusing on their own goals Awsten admires: “Sometimes I wonder if certain things will get liked more in the future. Like the way when Folie à Deux, the Fall Out Boy album, came out, everyone just fucking hated it, but it’s so good,” he says. “But they don’t look back on their past like it’s their glory days, they’re moving forward and I love that. It would be so easy for them to spoon feed people Cork Tree over and over, but if they had done that, where would they be right now? It doesn’t feel trend-chasing, and I really appreciate that.”

He’s quick, however, to not draw too many comparisons: “We’re definitely not Fall Out Boy level so we’re not big enough to be hated that much,” he laughs.

Even when he’s not reading their fanfiction, Awsten has to manage his band’s relationship with a passionate fandom who often express their obsession inappropriately. When he’s so often on the receiving end of adoration, it’s easy to forget that he’s a fan himself. One upcoming episode of Slumber Party, which Awsten calls his “most difficult” to film, will feature Joel Madden of Good Charlotte.

“It’s not cute, because we always have fanfiction of the guests," he says. "It was the weirdest thing ever. I respect him so much. Trying to get him to read that, I was like...uhh.” His discomfort is genuine, and he jokes that whenever someone he admires follows him, he gets “self-conscious” and posts less dumb stuff.

It’s a gentle reminder that no matter how many fans someone has, they’re likely also a fan of someone they admire in a way that makes them feel awkward – it’s just a matter of whether they choose to log off or write fanfiction about it.

Stream Awsten and Travis’s Slumber Party podcast on Patreon

#awsten knight #awsten waterparks #awsten interview #awsten and travis slumber party #slumber podcast

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firefiyfunhouse · 5 years ago

Text

folie a deux; roderick strong

My first request! For the lovely @ueomega! So so sorry it took so long but I really hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think <3

Warnings: language and soft roddy strong, not that soft roddy strong is bad at all but you’ve gotta love it

Word count: 2000+

I was used to the buzz at this point. I was used to the constant bright lights and travelling and staying in hotels instead of the comfort of my own bed. None of that changed when, six months ago, I started dating NXT’s North American Champion Roderick Strong. It had all started when he replied to one of my Instagram stories complimenting my appearance; we had followed each other for a long time. Ever since, we’ve been inseparable. We were what you would consider perfect, but there was only one downside to it.

We were a complete secret.

He had told none of his friends about our relationship. I thought it rather worried him that they wouldn’t trust that he had a girlfriend. I never told my friends either. It worried me that they might look at me differently for dating someone who worked for WWE.

Roderick was heading out with some guys from work this evening, like usual I was staying over at his. He finished buttoning up his burgundy button-up shirt and turned to face me, a grin plastered across his rugged face. I couldn’t help but let out a blush ridden giggle. Slowly, I pulled myself to my feet and bounced up to him, unbuttoning the top button, and planted a soft kiss against his lips. “You’re so handsome.”

“Thanks baby girl.” He beamed in return. He shuffled his feet and looked down, sighing to himself. I gently lifted his chin with my index finger and looked up to him.

“Is everything okay?” I asked softly. He nodded his head quickly and gently took my hand in his, rubbing his thumb against my knuckles.

“Everything is fine!” he reassured me. Something seemed amiss with him. He was quieter than he usually was. Something was making him nervous. Suddenly his phone sent out a loud text tone, he glanced at it and quickly kissed me on the lips. “The guys are outside, I love you so much!”

“I love you too! Enjoy yourself,“ Without another word he headed out to the taxi. I peeped discretely out of the window as he joined his Undisputed Era buddies Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish in the back seats. I heard them all shouting happily from the upper floor of the house but something was bothering you.

I spent the rest of the night watching TV, a few different things on our shared Netflix account. I also took a lot of time to think to myself. Why did it matter what everyone in my life thought about us? I was happy with him. Was he as happy as I am? Before I could overthink anything else my phone rang out. Glancing at the name that popped up, my face beamed when I saw it was my boyfriend. I immediately answered, holding it against my face. “Hey baby is everything o-”

I cut myself off. All I heard was the guys all chatting and the faint sound of music over the top of them. It was an accident, I couldn’t help but giggle to myself. That was until I heard a brash voice over the rest.

“Why are you acting all secretive?” Kyle spoke up. The other voice I noticed was Roderick stuttering over the top of him, trying to get his word in. “You didn’t tell us you had a girlfriend man, we want to know who she is!”

I froze on the other end. It was a huge step for him to mention it to his friends. It wasn’t anything I had expected to hear. I shuffled into my seat taking a moment to listen in a little further.

“I’m dating Kaia-” He slurred drunkly.

“No you aren’t!” Adam laughed over the top of him.

“I am!” Roderick argued back.

“Dude, come on. If you don’t actually have a girlfriend, you can just tell us. There’s no need to spread lies.”

“But I am dating her! I am!”

“Then prove it.” Bobby spoke up as well. I made out the sounds Roderick running his hands over his jeans, looking for his phone. Before I hung up I heard, “Bring her to the show on Wednesday! We want to see this!”

I hung up before Roderick had to chance to catch me out. I couldn’t believe what I had just listened to. Not that he wasn’t worried they wouldn’t believe he was in a relationship, it was that they wouldn’t believe he was in a relationship with me? It was getting later, but I stayed up a little longer just to see if I could catch Roderick when he came home. Eventually my tiredness got the better of me and I couldn’t help but fall asleep on the sofa.

.・゜゜・

The next morning I woke up in bed. I looked around the room in a complete daze until I saw my boyfriend snoring loudly at my side. His arm was firmly around my body. I beamed at the sight of him, gently kissing his shoulder as I sat myself upwards. I could hear him stir, mumbling under his breath as his eyes slowly open to catch me in his line of sight,

“Morning Roddy.” I blushed, his hand met his head pretty quickly as he smiled painfully back to me.He grunted as he reached for his water on the side table. I giggled gently and ruffled his locks against my fingers. “Someone seemed to have partied way too hard.”

His chuckle sounded rough as he forced the full glass down his throat.

“Do you want any breakfast?” I asked as I pulled myself to my feet. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him focusing on his phone. Shit.

“Nah babe.” he replied. I sighed reluctantly to myself until he piped up again.

“Did I call you last night? Shit, I can’t remember.”

“Oh, yeah. It was just a butt dial.” I laughed. His smile vanished as he looked at me with a face of genuine concern. I could tell what he was questioning in his mind. What had she heard? I swallowed and returned myself behind him. Considering how close we both are I felt it was only fair to tell him. “I heard what the guys said about us.”

“You d-did?” he stammered. He slumped his face, a mix of worry and the hangover creeping further in. “I’m sorry Kaia I just-”

Without letting another word escape his mouth I swiftly pressed my finger against his lips. He looked to me with a raised eyebrow, expecting what I had to contribute.

“I’ll happily come to your show with you on Wednesday babe. I don’t want anyone to doubt you or us. Okay?” I said, moving my finger away. He nodded his head quickly and lowered my wrist.

“Are you sure you’re ready? This is such a huge jump for us.”

“Just make sure I have a good view of you in the ring.”

.・゜゜・

Wednesday rolled around, we headed towards the venue together. Full Sail Live was lit up brightly as the car park was swarming with staff, security and other NXT superstars. My fingers laced between Roderick’s, I kept my look casual with one of his Undisputed Era tees and a pair of sweatpants to go along with it. I tied my hair up in a ponytail, a smile painted on my face. Knots ran rampant in my stomach. A mix of a certain excitement brewed together with the fact that I was unbelievably nervous. Roderick, however, seemed more comfortable than ever at Full Sail.

His hand stayed against the small of my back as he guided me through to the backstage area, we headed through a few hallways and both headed into the locker room. I recognised a few faces instantly. Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish were all sitting talking around a table at the far side of the room. As soon as we entered the room their heads snapped towards us.

“Holy shit...” Kyle exclaimed to his peers. Adam’s jaw dropped while Bobby’s face was covered with a blank expression. Roderick went back to how I had noticed he was behaving over the past few times, shy and quiet.

“H-hey guys...” he mumbled as he dropped his bags off to the side.

“Hey Roddy...” Kyle replied. All three of them continued to stare at me in complete disbelief. Adam glanced to Roderick, raising his eyebrow.

“Well are you going to introduce us?”

“You guys know Kaia.” Roderick returned to my side, snaking his arm around my waist. I shot him a reassuring smile and traced my fingers across his muscular arm. “Kaia. This is Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish. My best friends and fellow Undisputed Era members.”

“It’s crazy not seeing you guys through a screen.” I chuckled. “I’m a fan.”

I pressed a kiss against Roderick’s cheek, resting a reassuring hand against his shoulder. Adam slammed his empty water bottle down on the table. I immediately turned my head to the loud sound. “Do you want me to go refill that? I could do with having a look around.”

“Yeah. That’d be great if you don’t mind.” He bluntly replied, his eyes stuck on Roderick. Questioning nothing I collected his bottle along with Kyle and Bobby’s once I had offered. I planted a quick kiss on Roderick’s cheek as I bounced out the room, the door closing behind me.

I headed along to the water fountain. The production staff rushed around by my sides while the other NXT Superstars seemed relaxed as ever. I hummed to myself, filling up the three bottles before I heard a harsh cough behind me. I assumed they directed it at someone else to start until they repeated it. My head snapped around, I was taken aback by who stood behind me. Dressed in all black ring gear, a smile crept across his mouth. “Well well, if it isn’t Kaia. What are you doing at Full Sail?”

“I could say the same to you Balor.” I smirked, my hands sitting against my hips. He then greeted me with a warm hug, giggling to himself.

“Long time no see!” It was true. I hadn’t seen Finn in a long time. We used to be quite well aquainted, so it was refreshing seeing a familiar face. I hugged him back with a smile before he piped up again. “No, seriously. Why are you here?”

“I’m just here with my boyfriend.” I replied, which lead to him pulling away.

“Shit!” he exclaimed before cracking a dry joke. “It’s not someone who can kick my ass is it? Who is he?”

“God, you ask so many questions.” I laughed with a roll of my eyes. “I’ve been dating Roderick Strong for the past six months.”

“...Are you still telling jokes?” he questioned.

“What do you mean? Of course, I’m not?”

“Kaia. Let’s be serious here. You could do so much better than Roderick Strong. He’s such a push over and don’t get me started on the fact that he’s the North American Champion. When I came back to NXT, I thought they were giving it to him out of sympathy or something...”

I couldn’t process what I was hearing. I took a step back and let out a harsh breath. I could feel myself getting a little angrier. “Finn he worked fucking hard for that opportunity. What’s gotten into you? You’re never this disrespectful to other wrestlers!”

“I just don’t think highly of him at all. He’s where he is because of who he’s teaming with. Even you could see that. I thought you would’ve been dating better than Adam Cole’s lackey.”

“I’m sorry Finn, I am.” I started off. I could feel the rage build inside me a little. I started picking up the bottles as I let the rest of what I had to say out. “He’s done more for me than anyone will understand. I’ve never felt love like this before and God am I so happy and honoured to be his girlfriend. If you, or anyone else has a problem with that then please piss off and leave me alone.”

Finn scrunched his nose. A sign that he was put in his place. He glanced behind me before putting his hands up in surrender. “Fine, I just wanted you to know your worth...”

“Kaia?” A voice said behind me, a voice I could recognise. Soon a set of strong arms wrapped around my waist. I watched as Finn backed away, making his way back down the hall. I turned my head, thrilled to see the head of my boyfriend resting against me. “Are you all right? I could hear you yelling from the locker room.”

“I’m all right babe.” I sighed to myself, looking down to my feet. He twirled me around to face him, smiling at me with reassurance.

“I want to tell you something. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know if I’d continue having the confidence to keep coming here, to keep entertaining that crowd, to keep performing in that ring. I heard what you said to Finn, I get spoken about lile that quite a lot like that by some guys in here and it’s Adam or Kyle putting them in their place. To know you love me like that-“ he cut himself off with his smile. He couldn’t stop. I beamed, gazing at him as it overwhelmed me. My emotions were running high. I lifted his chin with my index finger as he gathered his words once more. “-it just means so much. I’m so lucky to have you. I just want to love you forever. You and me taking the world by storm.”

He leaned in gently, pressing his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him back. My chest ached a little, something felt complete. I could feel tears trickle down my warm cheeks. He was the one who pulled away, instantly wiping my eyes with his t-shirt.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you too.” He beamed, sitting his hand against my hip. “Now how does ringside seats sound?”

#request #wwe #nxt #wwe nxt #roddy strong #roderick strong #fluff #finn balor #adam cole #kyle o'reilly #Bobby Fish #wrestling #imagine #cute #couple #long imagine #wwe tlc

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