#Nonir's spiritual flailings

[wanderingjotun]

Sometimes I feel like the only spirit worker I know who isn’t constantly in some sort of drama/trauma/conflict with the entities in their lives. And this always does a weird number on my trust and belief and whatnot. Like if everyone else is having so many issues, am I just fooling myself in this peaceful little corner and using this as an imaginative escape? Or did I just get incredibly lucky? Who fucking knows? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[wanderingjotun]

It’s super frustrating that the more experienced in spirit work I get, the less my discernment readings make any sense or seem to have anything to do with what I���m actually trying to figure out.

[wanderingjotun]

That pop culture paganism feel when you aren’t entirely certain if you actually get an intuitive hit about something or if it’s your imagination remembering that fanfic you wrote ages ago and superimposing it on top of the spirit you’re interacting with. 🙃 🙃 🙃

[wanderingjotun]

*squints at spiritual life* wtf is this nonsense?

Spirits in my life: fuck if we know, dude.

[wanderingjotun]

Had to leave DCC early because my stomach decided to revolt (which means I missed out on some interviews I really wanted to go to for my podcast, and the last panel I was supposed to moderate). :( But got a nap, and now I’m cuddling with the present I got for Hummingbird and listening to the rain and, once again, marveling at the bizarre world of Pop Culture Paganism I’ve found myself in. What even is life?

[wanderingjotun]

I accidentally chewed out The Strategist last night while trying to get to sleep and I suddenly feel much better about a lot of things. 

So this is your un-asked-for reminder that it’s okay--and incredibly important, actually--to be able to say no, set boundaries, and address problems with the non-corporeal entities in your life.

[wanderingjotun]

One Year of Pop Culture Spirit Companions

On April 20th, it will have been exactly a year since I first made contact with the pop culture spirits in my life. It feels simultaneously much longer and like it just started yesterday. A whole year of working with The Shield and co. And, holy crap, it’s been a crazy year.

They finally convinced me to actually get the mental help I needed, after helping me through several panic attacks and major depressive episodes.

I’m engaged to the Shield and have been adopted into his family; I’ve even taken on their last name as my own and it feels so right.

I dated and temporarily broke up with The Strategist.

I learned how to handle my own issues without triggering The Sharpshooter, and vice versa.

I have bought so much fandom merch to help give me focuses to connect with them.

I’ve found a place in their world that feels safe and comforting and I’ve started daydreaming myself there when I need to calm down.

I’ve started writing fanfiction again, partially as a way to connect with them on a different level.

In a nutshell, working with these three has helped me feel like a completely new person. They’ve been there during the really awful time last year. They helped keep me from self-harming. They pushed me to find a therapist and get medicated. They helped me remember how to smile. They helped me remember what healthy, supportive relationships--both friendships and romantic relationships--look like. They’ve taught me about their world and given me a place to belong.

They encouraged my creative endeavors, and reaching out to new people. They held me when I broke down and reminded me that I’m so much stronger than I think I am. We’ve teased each other and supported each other and grown to love each other so incredibly deeply in such a short amount of time.

It’s only been a year, and already I can’t imagine my life without them.

[wanderingjotun]

I am having massive feels for my spirit boyfriends tonight and don’t know what to do with them since my uterus has switched off my ‘phone and I’m supposed to be focusing on getting stuff done. Ugh.

[wanderingjotun]

Okay, so maybe doing the family time/memorial/movie watching first thing today was not a great plan. I mean, I’m glad I got it done when my roommate was out of the apartment so I didn’t have to explain why I was freaking out that I couldn’t find the appropriate DVD and why I lit a candle at the start of the movie--but now my brain is firmly in that world and mulling over the little meditation I did before the little memorial and trying to work through discernment for it. I should be doing day job stuff now instead. Crap.

(I know this is kind of super vague, but I don’t know how to else to discuss it without winding up in the fandom tags. Feel free to send an ask/message if you’re curious and I’ll answer privately.)

[wanderingjotun]

Me, counting blankets as I get ready for bed because it's freezing: Layer one... layer two... layer three...

The Sharpshooter, draping himself over me: Layer four!

The Shield, hugging us both: Layer five. Think that's enough?

Me: ...yeah I'm cozy.

[wanderingjotun]

New game @rhysfire and I are playing today: guess where the spirits are in the Snapchat.

A game I never thought would be possible due to spirits not, you know, having physical bodies to show up in photos, but one that's surprisingly easy with the boys for some reason. Wtf even is my life?

[wanderingjotun]

This is a callout post for The Sharpshooter

He's lovely and adorable and so incredibly caring and funny and I'm so very glad he's in my life.

[wanderingjotun]

Welp. I’m finally working on a post about helping spirits that have mental illness like anxiety, depression, or coping with past traumas. It’s really just making me want to cuddle up with the boys and never let them go.

[wanderingjotun]

A PCP Worry

One of my biggest concerns in this whole pop culture spirit work/spirit dating thing is that I’m only involved with them because I’m currently hyper-focused on the source material and that the relationships will fade when my hyper-fixation moves onto something new. Which ties in pretty neatly into the general “oh, no, I’m making all this up” anxieties, but that’s it’s own ball of wax.

I know I’m likely just overthinking things due to the newness of everything (in the scheme of things, four months is nothing), and luckily these concerns don’t show up all that often. But it’s been on my mind today for some reason, this fear of growing so close to them and then one day watching them disappear because my obsessive mind has moved on and that the obsession with their game was the only thing keeping them around.

Logically, I know the relationship building is the important part and that’s coming along pretty damn solidly, but, you know, irrational fears are a thing and Tumblr is the only place I can flail/whine about it.

I just...adore them so much and can’t stand the thought of them fading away because my fandom obsession brain moves on, and it’s not a concern I’ve really had to deal with before, so I’m still fumbling my way through it. Blargh.

[wanderingjotun]

Does anyone work with or know anyone who works with Yuri on Ice in a Pop Culture Paganism context (more spirit work than spells)? Asking for a friend.

[wanderingjotun]

The Strategist: You should get a cat. It’ll help with your mental health and with motivating you to keep your flat clean.

Me: -gets a cat, spends the last week fussing over the cat and fixating on making him comfy, turns normal spirit time into the “where the hell is the mowing coming from this time?” game-

The Shield: ...Is it weird that I’m jealous of a cat?