#Nate eating the pizza rolls destroyed my soul

[mommymilkersmac-n-cheese]

The Cellar Letters update: I am now on episode 22… where is he?… where is Steve?… where is my boy?… is he okay?

[welcometophu]

Into the Split: Reconstruction 1

Twinned Book 3: Into the Split

Reconstruction 1

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Nikolai is far too warm.

There is heat beneath him, strong and solid. Nikolai’s fingers press against the hair on Seth’s chest, his hand trapped under Seth’s shirt, with Seth’s heart beating strong beneath Nikolai’s palm. Nikolai lies face down, his cheek pressed to Seth’s shoulder, his leg thrown over Seth’s, and a body presses in behind him, trapping him there.

He has no idea why someone else would be in his bed.

He rouses slowly, inhaling more deeply, exhaling for several long counts as Seth’s hand twitches against the back of his head. The body behind Nikolai moves, rolling away, and while it’s not cold, he feels the sudden shift in temperature.

“Some of them are waking up.” A low whisper, and when Nikolai blinks his eyes carefully open, Drea is bent over them, her face far too close. She straightens up, turns to speak to someone behind her. “Nikolai’s awake. They’ll probably all start waking up soon.”

Seth stretches beneath him, making a small sound of irritation. Nikolai uses the moment to sit up, taking stock. He’s still dressed, aside from his shoes. The sun is out, visible despite drawn curtains, although it might be low enough to be later in the afternoon. For all he knows, it could be a completely different day.

The bed is full.

It’s a large bed, and it’s more than full, with seven people in it. The body at Nikolai’s back was Mattie, and it looks strange to see her lying there, so still with sleep. She looks like nothing more than any other exhausted person, her face as relaxed as Heather or Nikita. Del might be dreaming, her expression tight and twisted; she clings to Carolyn, who has one arm around Del’s shoulders, the other thrown wide and hanging off the bed.

They are all waking at different rates, now that Nikolai has disturbed the equilibrium by sitting up.

The room is full as well. Alaric sits in a rocking chair, a basket by his side and knitting in his hands. The needles slide and click as he works, his gaze watchful. He nods when Nikolai meets his eyes, then drops his gaze back to his work. Corbin stands behind Drea, his hand on her shoulder. Shawn and Sam are both nearby, seeming too large for the space where they’ve squeezed between wall and bed, almost within reach of Del if they push past where Carolyn half falls off the bed. Chris is near Alaric, and Dax and Nate are deeply involved in a quiet conversation on the far side of the room, sitting on the floor while Cass lies next to them, her head in Dax’s lap, her mouth open and lax with sleep.

Drea straightens up, hands on her hips. “Mac’s gone to get Pawel and the others,” she says. “We should probably get you all something to eat. You expended a lot of energy.”

They’d been promised beer and pizza and going home after the Ritual. That obviously didn’t happen. Nikolai’s barely awake enough to figure out what did happen instead, other than ending up in bed with several other exhausted people.

“Someone should definitely get them something to eat,” Alaric replies, never looking up. “Corbin.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll go do your bidding.” Corbin catches Drea’s hand as he walks away. “Come with me and help. This room’s getting crowded anyway, and I hear more people coming.”

“Kit’s on his way with Rory,” Drea adds, waving as she’s pulled out the door.

Alaric lowers his needles. “I knew that. I can hear as well as they can.” He makes a low grumbling noise. “Don’t start talking until you’re all awake and everyone’s here.”

The people not in the bed all seem to be waiting for something. Staring at the bed and the pile of half-awake bodies as if they were going to start performing any moment now.

Nikolai is nowhere near awake enough to perform on demand. Instead he pushes the blankets back and carefully untangles himself to swing his legs out of the bed. His body aches from head to toe, and for a moment the room wavers until he manages to get it to stay still. “I need to pee,” he says firmly.

He’s thankful that they let him go alone.

On his way back, he meets Seth in the hall. Nikolai steps to the side to let Del and Carolyn push past him; Seth grabs him and turns him, pushing him back against the wall. Seth gets his hands on Nikolai’s face, gently cradling his head before he pats across his shoulders, across his chest. Nikolai catches his hands, presses them to him. “I’m fine,” he says.

“You weren’t,” Seth replies. His voice is tight. Hurt. “You were inside a building that disappeared, and you were unconscious. Valentine thought you’d be fine, but we had no idea if you’d wake up today.”

“It was today.” Nikolai hadn’t been sure about that when he woke up. His sleep had been dreamless, the kind of deep sleep that didn’t feel like time had passed. “I just—we did the thing with the light.”

Seth blinks. “You brought the Dreaming… into the Dreaming?”

When he puts it like that, it sounds odd. “Something like that. We used it to push everything dark away while we made our worlds close.” Nikolai can say it—he knows exactly what they did and how it felt—but it feels impossible to describe it any more than that. “I’m pretty sure we did what we needed to do.”

A rough cough catches his attention. Alia and Valentine stand at the door to Alaric’s room, waiting for them to return. Carolyn and Del emerge from the bathroom, passing by Nikolai and Seth in the hall. Nikolai tangles his fingers with Seth’s and together they make their way back in, taking a seat on one side of the bed. It takes time for the rest of the group to freshen up after their sleep, and by that time Pawel is there as well, and Corbin and Drea have returned with a cart of food.

The large room feels very small with everyone crammed into this one space.

“The Berman house is gone.” Alia opens the conversation with that fact, ignoring that the people she’s speaking to have their mouths full with sandwiches or sweet fruit. “It has been razed, as if it no longer existed.”

“Collapsed,” Carolyn asks around a mouthful of ham. “Like the Tower crumbling down.”

Pawel shakes his head. “Gone,” he corrects. “Almost as if it never existed. The grounds are clean, and you were all lying in the midst of the space where it used to be.”

“It no longer reeks,” Alia adds. “The scent of death and darkness is gone.”

“If houses grew like trees, a sapling would be sprouting there right now,” Valentine comments. She grins. “It’s not just cleansed, it’s ready to be built. It’s aching to be built, really. Magically provident. If you’re thinking of opening this community to Mages, that would be an excellent place for one to build a home.”

“Are you planning on staying?” Alia asks sharply.

Alaric makes a choked off sound.

“We know what we saw from the outside,” Pawel interrupts before Valentine can respond. “The Berman house… imploded, for lack of a better term. It disappeared, it’s cleansed, and the remnants of Shadows felt as if they disappeared. The ritual was completed from our perspective. Can you tell us what happened from your perspective?”

Seth’s hand tightens on Nikolai’s.

Nikolai glances at Nikita, who looks to Del. She looks to Carolyn, who makes a soft huffing sound.

Mattie mutters, “Don’t expect me to explain it. I’m not entirely sure what happened or how it happened. It hurt, and I have a headache. I haven’t had a headache in more years than I can really think about and it feels unfair.”

“I think cleansing is a great word for it,” Nikita says cheerfully. “We brought out light and pushed the darkness away. It felt like we were scrubbing it out of the Dreamscape.”

Del flicks fingers next to her own head, almost hitting Shawn in the face. “I can feel it,” she says, and when Shawn tries to capture her hand, she pushes him back. “More than before. It’s a more constant presence for me now.”

Nikolai isn’t sure that’s a good thing. It’s not the same for him; the Dreamscape is safely where it belongs as far as he can tell. He can’t feel the itch or the need to call to it. He glances at Nikita, and she nods slightly; they’re on the same wavelength.

“It’s brighter there now. I looked around some while we were sleeping, and everything’s as it should be.” Del looks at Nikolai. “I think your world is going to be in better shape. No one was there for me to talk to about it, but I hope it means your infestation will be done. You need a chance to heal.”

“We need to go home first,” Seth comments.

Which is true. “The question is, how do we get there?” Nikolai asks slowly. “I mean, that’s been the question all along, but right now we have two very immediate problems. If the Split is gone, then what’s the path between here and there? And Chelsea was with us in the Dreamscape, and she’s not here now.”

“She wasn’t there when the house disappeared, either.” Pawel’s voice is flat, almost carefully neutral. “It is very possible that depending on how the Ritual affected the Shadowwalkers, she may no longer be able to enter this world.”

“I don’t think it would have destroyed existing Shadowwalkers, but I’m very hopeful that by removing the Split as an influence, we’ve stopped the Emergence of any more….” Carolyn hesitates. “I don’t want to say they were broken. Mutated, perhaps. Fusions with Deathstalkers and Soulstealers. I think that if Shadowwalkers Emerge now, they will be true Shadowwalkers.”

“Something changed,” Mattie mutters. She lies curled on her side, a pillow over her head. “I have never been this exhausted since I changed. You sucked my soul out.”

Pawel turns away, his arms crossed. “Excuse me,” he says tightly. The door creaks when he yanks it open, thumps as it drops closed behind him when he goes.

Carolyn pats Mattie on the head. “You’re just more human than before. You’ll adjust, and you’ll be fine. I think we may have removed the remains of the Soulstealer influences from you. It may have affected Chelsea similarly, which means she might also be exhausted. But I think that wherever she is, she’s probably going to be fine.” She glances at Mac, who disappears from the room. “I think that this is it. We’re done. As done as it’s going to get.”

Valentine turns to Alia. “Which means we ally, instead of making war.”

Alaric slowly bundles his knitting into a bag, setting it in the basket by his feet. “I think there are people here who need to talk about Clan and Mage business. We should make arrangements for all our communities, and plan for the future.” As he stands, he says gruffly, “Corbin, Drea, stand with me for this. Mom….” His voice gentles. “You’ll be my voice for the near future.”

“I’ll be your voice,” Alia agrees. She tilts her head, a small smile gracing her expression. “And?”

“See if Dad would like to be there for the talks,” Alaric says firmly. Drea exhales roughly, and Corbin makes a small squawk that sounds like protest. Alaric continues speaking before Corbin can get his mouth open. “I want to give him one more chance to be involved. I’d rather have him work with you, than do nothing. He has experiences that would help, but he needs to be open to these alliances. He needs to be ready to move forward.”

“I’ll go speak with him.” Alia’s smile is wider than any Nikolai has seen from her—either this one or the one in his home world. She is pleased with Alaric’s decision in a way that has Seth squeezing Nikolai’s hand in response to her emotions spilling over, and it leaves Nikolai with hopes for the Haverhill community.

“Valentine.” Alia takes on step toward the door, then halts.

“Yes?” Valentine asks.

“Please join me as an emissary from the Burlington community,” Alia says quietly. “If Theobald will be working with this alliance, I would like to see him begin immediately. You represent a large community of Mages, and one that lies at least in some part with the first Mage my son has allied himself with.” She gestures where Rory sits with Kit on the floor. “Our extended families are already bound through them, and Theobald needs to recognize that.”

“And if instead of opening his heart he decides to open my chest, you’ll protect me?” Valentine quips, with a wry smile. “Can’t raise my kids if I’m mauled.”

“He will do you no harm,” Alia says solemnly. “Come.”

“I’m not sure if I should say welcome to the family, or if you should, or if it’s turning out to be a mutual merging.” Rory’s fingers move along Kit’s hand, almost as if he’s playing the guitar instead of holding hands. “We might want to run interference, Alaric?”

“I don’t think I want to be anywhere near that,” Corbin says dryly.

“I think Rory’s right.” Alaric doesn’t look thrilled, but Chris steps up close, one hand on Alaric’s back as they head for the door with Rory and Kit close behind. “Corbin, Drea—please make sure that everyone here is settled and has what they need. Show them how to get back to their own rooms if they want more rest. Feed them until they’re not hungry. Then join us. I still want you both by my side for negotiations, but you’re right—it’s probably for the best if not as many people are there to witness Theobald’s acquiescence or refusal.”

“You can do both at the same time—get settled and eat—if you make a plate to take with you.” Corbin pulls out more plates from the bottom of the food-laden cart that they’d wheeled in. He also has several plastic containers with lids. “Or a container for later. Seriously. Load up, eat when you’re ready. Some of you look ready to fall over.”

Mattie makes a noise and yanks the blankets over her head, becoming nothing more than a lump under the covers.

“Or stay right there, in Alaric’s bed,” Corbin says. “That’s fine, too.”

Seth wraps his arms around Nikolai’s middle, his chin resting on Nikolai’s shoulder. “I want to go back to our room,” Seth whispers. “And reassure myself that you are here, anchored in reality, and that everything is fine.”

Nikolai is definitely not thinking about food now.

He pushes to his feet, tugging Seth with him. When Corbin gets between them and the door, Nikolai protests, “I know where we’re going, and we’re not hungry.”

Drea snorts. “For food.”

“Take a care package for later.” Corbin shoves one of the plastic containers at Nikolai’s chest, and another one to Nikita before she can slip past, hand in hand with Heather. “We know how to take care of energy expenditures here. Shifting shape uses a lot of energy, and whatever you just did made you sleep all day and you’re probably still running on reserves. We can all guess what’s on your mind, and guess what—that takes energy, too, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to pass out in the middle. That won’t reassure your other halves at all. So pack a box before you go.”

He has a point. Nikolai just wants to crawl into bed with Seth and curl around him, but he can still feel some of the exhaustion pulling at his bones. It’s on the edges, but it could come back easily enough. “Okay, fine,” he agrees. They fill a box with fruits and cheeses and breads for later, and let Drea show them the way back to the guest wing.

Nikolai hears Pawel’s voice when they approach their rooms, and he exchanges a glance with Nikita at the loud sound of it. The words are muffled, but the tone is anxious, followed by Mac’s placating, quiet words after.

“Let him work through whatever he’s working through,” Heather says. “Pawel’s so wound up right now that the only thing that’s going to fix it for him is finishing. And I don’t think he thinks he’s done yet.” She raises her voice slightly. “We saved the world, Pawel. Go to bed.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him,” Mac calls back.

Heather spreads her hands. “See?” Then she yanks open the door to her own room, and she and Nikita disappear inside.

“Go,” Seth urges, and he pushes Nikolai into their room, the door slamming closed with a thunk once they’re safe inside. Seth has Nikolai up against the wall again, but this time he strips him out of his shirt, tossing it to one side. Seth leans in, hands pressed to Nikolai’s chest, fingers spread. He kisses just above his heart, his breath broken as he leans his head down. “Please tell me we’re done trying to save the world. Either world. Any world.”

“I think all that’s left is to figure out how to get home, or how to live here,” Nikolai assures him. He touches the side of Seth’s face, waiting until Seth looks up so he can bend to meet him, lightly brushing their lips together.

Seth makes a broken sound and Nikolai swallows it, chasing him and pulling him close for another kiss. Seth pushes him back, and the wall is solid as Nikolai lets it hold him, yanking Seth close enough to lie against him as they kiss. Small nips at times, then slower and deeper, exploring each other, lingering over the taste.

Nikolai slips his hands under the edge of Seth’s shirt, tugging at it to get it over his head and off. He just wants to feel him close, to remind himself that yes, this is his reality. “This is better than any dream,” he mumbles, tilting his head back as Seth kisses his jawline. “So much better.”

A sharp rap on the door interrupts them, and Seth jerks back, his head clipping the underside of Nikolai’s chin.

“Ow,” Nikolai mutters. “Okay. In my dream we would not be interrupted.”

Seth waves at the door and heads for the opposite side of the room, standing behind the bed as he looks through their bags for something. Nikolai has no idea what.

Nikolai shifts slightly, tries to make himself more comfortable before he yanks open the door. “Yes?”

“I’m going to find Chelsea,” Pawel announces.

At least Pawel knocked, unlike Corbin who just barged in before. Nikolai needs to remember to lock the door when he closes it again. “Okay,” he agrees.

“And we’re going to figure out how to get you two home,” Pawel continues. Each word is cut off and abrupt, sounding tight in his throat.

Behind him, Mac reaches for him, trepidation twisting her expression. She pulls back before touching Pawel’s shoulder. “Sorry,” she mouths soundlessly.

“If we have to live here, we’ll need help making ourselves real according to your world,” Nikolai says slowly. He’s not sure what Pawel needs to hear, but he can tell that there’s something that he’s waiting for. Maybe some kind of absolution for dragging Nikolai and Seth into this.

Nikolai’s not sure he can give him that.

Pawel nods once, quickly. He brings up both hands, heels pressed to the bridge of his nose before he runs his fingers backward, through his hair. As his face emerges from under his too-long bangs, he stares at Nikolai.

Nikolai stares back, fingers curled around the door. He resists the urge to close it and go back to what he was doing.

“Are you okay?” Pawel asks abruptly.

“I think they’re going to be fine,” Mac says.

Pawel ignores her, watching Nikolai closely.

“I’m okay,” Nikolai says. It’s mostly the truth. “Give me some time—give both of us some time—and we’ll be even better.”

The tension in Pawel’s shoulders loosen, and he rocks backwards. “Okay,” he says roughly. “Okay then. I will find Chelsea, and when I do—”

Nikolai isn’t sure if Pawel wants to find Chelsea for himself, or to get Nikolai and Seth home, and he has a feeling it’s more of the former than the latter. “Find her first,” he says. “Find her and make sure she’s okay, then we’ll figure out the rest. You don’t need to rush.”

Seth looks up on the other side of the room. “For the first time in a really long time, none of us need to rush,” he points out. “And I, for one, would really like to take my time reassuring myself that Nikolai is as okay as he says he is. I plan to do a thorough job.”

Nikolai’s cheeks go hot, and there is absolutely nothing he can think of to say.

Behind Pawel, Mac raises a hand, then covers her mouth, humor dancing in her eyes. She wiggles her fingers as if to say no, that’s okay, go on and say nothing. “Come on, Pawel,” she says out loud once she drops her hand. “Maybe we should let them get back to that reassurance.”

“We should check in on Nikita and Heather,” Pawel suggests.

Nikolai shakes his head quickly, and Mac giggles.

“Maybe not. I think they’re fine, too. Come on.”

Nikolai closes the door and twists the lock. When he turns around, Seth is climbing into bed and lying back, his arm stretched out toward Nikolai.

“C’mere,” Seth says. “Reassure me.”

So Nikolai does.

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