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acourtofsadnessanddespair · 4 years ago

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all the proof i could muster up that nesta and cassian are mates

With just little over a month until A Court of Silver Flames comes out, I decided to set the fact straight that Nesta and Cassian are mates and we simply cannot ignore the evidence anymore.

1. First Meeting

There’s actually not that much evidence here, but there is a lot of banter between the two and throughout the dinner, Cassian constantly is grinning and trying to rile Nesta up. One line states: “Cassian was sizing up Nesta, a gleam in his eyes that I could only interpret as a warrior finding himself faced with a new, interesting opponent.” He then continues staring at her pretty much through the entire meal, only taking his eyes off her to nod agreement. They also “have it out” the next morning. Of course this is in no way an indication that they our mates, however I would like to remind you that a certain other mated couple started off with the slight enemies-to-lovers scenario.

2. The Bonus Scene

Chile... there’s a lot to unpack here. Cassian describes Nesta’s face as unnervingly perfect, and talks about her build and, uh, the certain parts that he “doesn’t look at. Much.” When he leans close to her, her scent “hits him in the gut so hard he could barely focus.” Which is a little suspicious and mate-y to me (as mate-y as a human and Illyrian can be I suppose, however Rhys knew he was mates with Feyre when she was human, and Feyre becoming Fae heightened it, which we will go back to later). When Cassian finds out what Tomas tried to do Nesta (or senses the fear), he immediately wants to kill him, without knowing pretty much anything, except that someone had hurt Nesta. His Nesta. He also says, “It’d make me hunt them down and shatter every bone in their body.” Then he tries to cover it up, saying he’d do it for anybody (which he would, but still). Nesta admits that she feels things, sometimes more than anyone else and Cassian had seen those things and had seen her, “...he’d looked at her- not at the face and human body that men marked, but her- and had seen it all.” She then says that this made her want to hurt him, so he wouldn’t tell everyone. When Nesta tips up her neck, every instinct in Cassian’s body came “roaring to the surface, so violent he had to choke them with a brutal grip...” Then he once again says something about her scent and what it does to him; “Cassian breathed in the smell of her into his lungs...as it latched onto some intrinsic part of him and sank its talons deep.” And that just sounds so mate-y to mean, like her scent latched onto him??? He then brings the topic around to Mor who he had slept with prior and had some degree of romantic feelings for, and says that even though she did not care about the lovers her had, he did not want to tell her about Nesta. And when he returns to Velaris, he refuses to go back alone again.

3. The Promise

After the queen’s refuse to give Feyre the book, Nesta stands up to them and begs the queens to help. Cassian then makes a promise to Nesta; “...I will stand on that battlefield again, Nesta Archeron, to protect this house- your people. I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it.” He then wipes away her tears and Nesta lets him do it. This promise remains important in a Court of Wings and Ruin, as Cassian is regretful and takes part blame for her becoming Fae in Hybern, despite him not being able to stop it as his wings were shredded. “I made her a promise. And when it mattered I didn’t keep it.”

4. Hybern

As Nesta is being put into the Cauldron, Cassian begins moving on the ground, despite his bloody, shredded wings. He stirs again when she begins screaming and tries to move his hands towards her. “At Nesta’s shouts, her raging, his eyes fluttered open, glazed and unseeing, an answer to some call in his blood, a promise he’d made her.” I mean, come on... That literally sounds like there mates I-... Not to mention, Cassian tries reaching for her again when she is sobbing for Elain.

5. The House of Wind

Even before entering where Nesta was sitting, Feyre noticed that Cassian was tense. When Feyre notices how devastatingly beautiful Nesta, she wonders if Cassian also feels the same as he stiffens beside her. We then also see more of that banter from a Court of Mist and Fury (mainly from Cassian, but still). Cassian then says that he goes up to the House of Wind often because it is good exercise for his wings (more like a good excuse to see Nesta). He also says that he is going to kill the King of Hybern (just as he said he would kill Tomas). When he is flying Feyre to the House of Wind, she asks why he bothers and he says “Because I can’t stay away.” (Which gives me MATE vibes) And as Nesta arrives in her dress, Feyre narrates that Cassian looks as though he had been punched in the gut.

6. I don’t know what to call this segment but still... MATES

After Nesta is flown to the town house by Rhys she is extremely mad and only Cassian, it seems, is game enough to calm her down and get the fire out of her eyes. When Amren is telling her story, Cassian moves himself closer to Nesta and then signals her to stand behind him, willing to protect her if something goes wrong. After it is realized that there is no threat, Nesta moves from behind Cassian, but not away, to his side. After Hybern attacks the library, Rhys lets Feyre into his mind to see what Cassian had shown him, from his point of view. In the memory, when Nesta comes stumbling out and sees Cassian. “...her fear a tang that whetted his rage into something so sharp he could barely think, barely breath-” And this just feels mate-y and reminds me of how Rhys when Tamlin destroyed the study, or even after the attack when he was still enraged. He also calls her body slim and beautiful as she grips his arms.

7. Battle of Adriata

When the others return from the Summer Court, Nesta demands to know where Cassian is and actually says his name, which was Feyre’s first time hearing it from her. She was also pacing as she waited for them to return. However, when Amren offers mild support, she simply says “I don’t care.”

8. The High Lord Meeting

When Nesta appears down the stairs, Cassian ignores her for the most part. And when she announces she is going with them, she makes sure to ignore his approving gaze. Nesta and Cassian then are set to winnow out together and there is a bit of banter and then Nesta says “You didn’t come to-” and cuts herself off (And I’d just like to know what he didn’t go to, THAT IS ALL I WANT IN LIFE PLEASE SARAH). Cassian then interlaces their fingers and their gazes do not leave each other’s faces and then he says, “The next time, Emissary, I’ll come say hello.” (Swoon) Nesta stands up for Cassian after Beron insults him at the meeting, and Cassian just looks at her “like he’d never seen her before.” When Nesta feels something amiss and calls for Feyre, Cassian also comes in assessing if she is okay and looking at every inch of her. Feyre also asks Rhys if the two are mates and he said he didn’t know and that the bond would have to snap into place (SUSPICIOUS) And when Nesta begins vomiting was the first one there holding her back and monitoring her.

9. Not really any proof

...But when he tells Nesta she’d start a riot if she wore pants and trains her, I- yes.

10. The War

While Nesta is working around the camp she listens intently to any talk of Cassian and when Cassian returns to the camp with a sprained wrist, Nesta somehow notices immediately without anyone else noticing. She ties it up and they hold hands, then Mor interrupts and Cassian drops her hand, Nesta just looked at her hand and then disappeared to her tent. As the battle is happening, Nesta only concentrates on Cassian and is terrified when he is about to be hurt, and when Feyre leaves she barely takes her attention of him. Nesta is found standing outside of the tent Cassian is staying in after he is injured, but then after a confrontation with Mor. As Nesta is helping find the Cauldron, Cassian stands with her, his hand on her back and comforts her and reminds her that nothing can hurt her there. During the final battle, Nesta was still monitoring where Cassian was, and when she saw where the Cauldron’s power was gonna be used, she only roared for Cassian and didn’t alarm the several others in its path. He then decides to get off the battlefield and go with her to kill the king.

11. THAT SCENE

Cassian is beaten severely by the king and when Nesta sees what he has done, she becomes a predator. “I am going to kill you.” Which is similar and in parallel to when Cassian wanted to kill who had hurt her. And after she has used her power, she ignores Cassian’s pleas to run and instead tries to keep killing the king. And when she goes down, Cassian tries to reach for her like he did all those months ago in Hybern. And when he tells her to go she says she can’t. Cassian grabs her face and tries saying goodbye; “I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta.” And she doesn’t stop him as he kisses her (KISSES HER OMFG). “I will find you again in the next world - the next life. And we will have that time. I promise.” She doesn’t leave she just covers his body with her own. Willing to die with her lover or her mate? Because she cannot live without him?

Post War

Nesta does not visit Cassian on his sick bed and their relationship once again becomes tight and tense. Cassian tries not to think about her and Nesta becomes closed off. On Solstice, he tries giving her a present which had taken him months to find and she declines (that made me so mad), but he still follows her home. In the sneak peak, he admits that even though she is too thin he finds her “mouthwatering” and he doesn’t care about the males she sleeps with. The males, however, are sometimes afraid to sleep with Nesta because of Cassian, because of what happened in the war (or maybe they’re afraid because they’re mates, just saying).

In conclusion,

Nesta and Cassian are mates. Sarah, you ain’t slick, we know. And if they do not confess their love in the next book I will cry. Actually a lot of this isn’t evidence just rehashing but... meh.

#a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #nesta #cassian #nassian #a court of frost and starlight #actoar

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illyrian-lover-flower · 4 years ago

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My partner on four paws

Hi, @autophobiaxx - this is your second gift and honestly I am not quiet as happy with this one as with the first one.

But I still had my fun writing it, sipmly because it was something entirly new to me. The end might seem a bit rushed though ... I still hope you enjoy it😘.

Word count (note not included): 8. 382

“Sorry we are late. I had to call my other sister to give me a ride, because the one who actually wanted to drive me here is still stuck at the vet.” introduced a woman herself as she walked up to our table. Another one, that looked almost like her, close at her heels. A sceptical look on her face with which she eyed our little round.

Though most of her attention belonged to Rhys, who answered the kinder looking one with a blinding smile and sparkling violet eyes; “It’s fine Feyre, darling. We are just glad you and the lovely sister of yours have found the way to us.”

The one with the sceptical look only scoffed at him and took up the seat between Cassian and Mor, right opposite of her younger sister I would guess - by the assessing look she gave Rhysand. His form shifting uneasily as he moved to pull the chair out for Feyre.

Her storm grey eyes looked worriedly around between the group of people who sat at the long table. But those concerned eyes soon found peace as she saw Rhys violet ones. A calming gaze and a careful nod all she needed to feel safe and comfortable while the rest of us eyed her and her connection to our brother.

Cassian looked at her a bit sceptical, though he was always able to hide that well behind a smile. Amren, next to her, was fully aware of the sharp look she gave her. Letting our guest squirmed under the pressure of her silver eyes while Morrigan’s kind brown, almost gold, ones rested calmy on her. An assessing kind smile on her red lips as she took in the one that was in the middle of Rhysand’s attention.

I couldn’t really concentrate on her. On anything to be honest.

Though I do have to admit she looked kind and seemed to have somewhat of a chemistry with our brother, so there is probably no reason to be worried about her. And if she is the one Rhysand rambled on about the entire day when I had called him, to ask when exactly we would meet up, then she would surely be the right one for him.

His rambles honestly annoyed me at that point. The rambled apologies of a clumsy trainee still ringing in my ear when he started it too.

Three people in a day that rambled at me. One I barely knew, but didn’t like. My brother and a woman that had ran into me today and tackled me to the ground.

Those soft words she chose so clumsily still printed in my brain. The entire scene, from just two hours ago, replying itself over and over again in my head.

This mushy brain of mine having memorized every little freckle on her pale skin. The warm colour play of brown in those soft orbs of hers still catching my breath if I only thought about them. Gold, hazelnut, caramel and gingerbread swirling and chasing around in her Irises. A cosy feeling having settled into my guts when I had seen them.

“Good evening Ladies and Gentleman. What can I bring you for tonight?” suddenly called me out of my thoughts the waitress, that stood at our table. Luckily Mor was engaged in a lively conversation with the rest of the table that no one had time to look at the menu and pick something to eat, so we ordered our drinks in peace.

The absence of my attention luckily fallen under the table as no one noticed it.

‘This would become one hell of a long evening.’ I thought to myself, already rubbing tiredly at my eyes as I studied the menu. In the end I went with the same I always chose and let my mind wonder back out the window. My eyes seeing, but also not recognizing the heavy rain that poured outside on the street.

Couples with no umbrellas hurrying to get back home from a date or simply a walk, while those people with umbrellas walked calmy among the sidewalks. Crossing the streets and the fallen leaves of fall with a light easiness. Enjoying the drum of the rain on the fabric that kept them dry.

Red, blue, yellow, orange, dotted and striped umbrellas walking past the window of Rita’s.

‘I wonder what she is doing.’ ‘If she managed to get back home dry?’ ‘Had her puppy escaped her again?’

I long knew that my thoughts were a tousled mess. A net full of thoughts that kept circling around a woman I didn’t even know the name of while I occasionally tried to listen to the conversation. Knowing now that those who sat at our table were Nesta and Feyre Archeron. The oldest and the youngest of three sisters, their middle sister still stuck somewhere. At the vet if I remembered Feyre’s introduction right.

Who in their right mind is making an appointment with the vet at seven in the evening? Perhaps she was a business-oriented woman with little time - who knows. Feyre and Nesta, both, did not lose a word about her.

No name, no age, no mention of their middle sister as the evening aged.

Mor already all bubbly with Feyre as she admitted “I honestly had not thought that I would have the pleasure to one day meet my cousins Girlfriend.” she chuckled “Up until this point I had thought this one would die alone on his couch claiming ‘I have never met my soulmate!’”

Feyre only coughed at that while Rhysand seemed to shift around on his chair. Nervous violet eyes looking everywhere but his cousin. For a moment, so it seemed, he searched for help in my hazel eyes. Pleading me silently to do something about it, but I barely had anything at the tip of my tongue when I had a good day. With this bad day lurking above my head, I couldn’t think of anything to get the attention off of him and bring it to me.

The thought alone of all of their attention on me gave me the chills. So, Rhys needed to pull through that one alone.

A nervous gaze turned to Feyre capturing the attention of all of us. Even mine, if only for second.

“Feyre is actually my Fiancé...”

At this point I was actually glad I paid attention to them, because otherwise the wet spray of cola and red wine, that erupted from Cassian and Amren, would have confused me. But I guess one of the things that will make me remember this evening even in a year, were Nesta and Morrigan.

Both rising to their full hight, while Feyre and Rhysand seemed to wish for a hole that would swallow them whole. I luckily only had a quiet coughing fit in my silent corner. It was a fracture of seconds until the whole scenario escalated.

Nesta standing opposite her sister, like the iceberg that caused the Titanic to sink, with crossed arms, while Morrigan was the whole opposite of her. Where Nesta waited for her prey to defend herself and let her dwell in coldness until she did so, did Morrigan leap across the table and pulled her cousin up by his collar.

Her burning embers meeting slightly frightened violet eyes. “When the hell did you plan on telling us that?!” “Today.” he mumbled, slightly chocked by the collar his cousin had a death grip on.

The steel eyes of Nesta wandered for a brief second to Rhysand before she turned back to Feyre. Tired of her quietness she asked a question each of us wondered about “How long have you been dating anyway?”

“Will you let him go once I answer? Because, you know – I still would like to marry him soon.” Mor only scoffed at her cousin and shoved him back into his seat. Taking hers together with Nesta.

Fire and ice having a weird play with the nerves of all of us.

Though at this point I would say Feyre and Rhys had luck on their side, as Cassian still recovered from his coughing fit, else an embarrassing stream of questions would have flooded their way.

Amren –who had moved to the seat opposite of me- occasionally coughed in her glass of wine as she tried to get as far away from the lovebirds as possible.

“We have been dating sine one and a half year.” declared Feyre proudly. Earning herself a coughing fit from Cass again, who I started to smack on his back. Hoping it would go away sooner.

While Mor only sighed, “Why hasn’t anyone of you said something earlier? Because, like it looked to me, your sister didn’t seem to know about your engagement too.”

Nesta only chuckled humourless, answering Morrigan without her ever having asked a question to the steeled woman “When Feyre told me we would meet someone; I had been assuming it was her boyfriend. Not her Fiancé. She was fidgeting after all, so she gave herself away that it was someone important – though I hadn’t thought that important.”

Feyre only blushed as she found out of her sisters' knowledge.

‘I wonder, who is going to tell their other sister?’

But no one seemed to mind that. The table falling back into a comfortable atmosphere once Nesta and Mor took a sip from their wine goblets. Though Amren couldn’t bring herself to swallow down a snappish comment “Do we need to know about another year and a half, in which you had been engaged?”

“We are only engaged since yesterday!” yelled both quickly, easing the stiff rise of Nesta's and Morrigan's shoulders.

“That’s why you had googled ‘Ways to propose to someone?’” Rhys spat out his water at Cassian, gaping at him from the front of the table. His beloved Fiancé trying to surpass her giggles, while Mor and Amren had absolutely no problem with bursting out into laughter.

The dark and the bright one, of our group, turning their voices into a cackling symphony of laughter.

I myself not quite able to hide a quiet chuckle as I looked out of the window again. Rhys yelled question “What the hell are you doing on my laptop?!” the last thing I heard before fully focusing on the scenery in front of me.

It was quiet a lively picture, despite the late hour. Perhaps it was eight now and yet there were still hundreds of cars, their bright headlights getting reflected by the rain that soaked the bussy streets as they drove all around of Velaris. Occasionally I could make out a man or a woman at the steering wheel, talking into a headset while they drove to work or home.

‘I wonder as what she works?’

I found myself wondering again. A humourless chuckle escaped me as Amren kicked my shin carefully ‘I should wander what her name is.’

“Are you alright, Shadow?” she only whispered the question. Well aware that our group of friends would turn their attention immediately to us once they heard her nickname for me.

It symbolized them that something was very wrong and that I was about to become an empty shadow of who I actually am. Amren had found out about this pretty soon, though she never really pried.

I still can’t tell if she did it to tell me my guard was too low or if she truly worried about me.

A sigh was all I could give her as I rubbed at my temple. “You know, the usual hectic day at work. A broken-down printer, a trainee who spilled coffee over the few printed documents all the while I had my boss waiting in his office for an article that was due till yesterday.”

“Need a glass of wine?”

“No, I still got to walk home.” “I have to drive home.” she simply answered. Finishing her, perhaps, second glass of wine. Maybe it was already the third.

If it would have been anybody else than Amren, I would not be that calm with her having to say ‘I am driving home.’. Simply because I knew she could handle her alcohol well. Amren might have been the shortest one of us, but she could drink each of us under the table and still walk straight out the front door.

But she was a careful driver and I knew if she drank her second glass already, Varian would be on short call tonight.

Shaking my head, with a chuckle on my lips, at the black-haired woman. A sudden ‘ping’ captured the attention of the entire table. All our eyes going to the oldest Archeron who rummaged through her little purse for her phone. Not batting an eyelash at each of us as the phone kept her attention.

Cassian slowly leaned over her shoulder, to peer at the screen as a whistle escaped him and a sigh Nesta. She already wanted to put her phone away, when my other brother spoke up. “Why haven't you brought your kid with you?”

Feyre chocked on her wine, while her sister looked at him as if he had grown another head.

Weird, somewhere I had seen this look before.

“Excuse me?”

He pointed to Nesta’s phone. Her screen saver still on the view for all of us and soon had us all awing. Just not me as I saw the little infant on the screen.

Dressed in a red woollen dress with black woollen thighs and reindeer horns atop of her honey golden hair, she smiled into the camera. The chubby face of the infant all alight as red colour-that was once only placed on her nose- was smeared all across her face. A Golden Retriever standing proudly behind her, as it seemed to smile in the camera too.

A phantom feeling suddenly lay itself over my cheek. Memories of far forgotten times coming hurriedly back to the front, like a thunderstorm, as I felt it again. The soft nuzzle of her nose into my hollow cheek and her reindeer horns pinching me in the eyes.

My bandaged hands holding onto the little ball of sunshine. That gave a frightened six-year-old me, that hadn’t known of anything despite the basement of my father, something to hold onto.

This little body of hers, that lived in freedom for the year or so which she jumped around on this world, an anchor for me. Who suddenly noticed, that the world was more than just a dark basement and that there were more emotions than anger and hate.

Happiness seeming to wave off of her as she claimed me in a hug.

A hug.

When I was little, I hadn’t even known something like that existed. Now as I thought back to my childhood, my mother had given me a hug only a few times, before she was let in the basement again the next week with bruises all over her body.

It were three hugs I had gotten from her, before that little infant had stormed up to me.

My heart binding tight to her little ones as I held her cradled into my weak arms. I wasn’t able to hold her very well, those numb hands of mine barely able to keep her up. But I didn’t want to let her go.

Didn’t want for her to leave my side as she enveloped me in her sunshine.

A blinding sunray I held onto.

Even now I found my heart wondering at times who she grew to be. If she was still that little ball of sunshine, spreading happiness and love with every breath she took.

Wondering if the world gave her what she deserved - a life full of happiness and love and laughter So, it was only clear that I hung on every word Nesta spilled over her little sister, who was displayed as her wallpaper. The hard voice of hers the softest I had heard it tonight.

“That’s my little sister Elain you idiot.” Cass looked sceptically back and forth between the screen and Nesta. As if he couldn’t quite believe that such a bright shining ball of sunshine could be related to this steeled woman.

“And why exactly are you having a picture of your little sister as your background and not your boyfriend …. or a picture of all three of you?” he hurriedly added with a blush on his cheeks.

I wanted to groan at him for his painfully obvious question. But I couldn’t, my voice was stuck in the back of my throat as a tight feeling wound itself around my heart. The picture in front of me capturing my entire being.

‘Let her continue to talk! God damn it!’

The oldest Archeron only rolled her eyes at him. Seeming to have a generous heart tonight she gave him the answer he hoped for. “I don’t have a boyfriend and you might not want to believe it, but this background safes hundreds of co-workers each day, from getting yelled at.”

“May I ask why?” questioned Amren her now, her silver eyes fixed on the phone as she scanned over the chubby face that smiled at us from the screen. This stoned face of hers not showing any indication of what ran through her mind.

Nesta only raised her eyebrows at her before she fully explained herself; “My sisters are the best human beings in my life. And even though I love both dearly – the cuter pictures exist from Elain. Sorry Feyre for that.”

But she only shook her head, looking with a bright smile at the screen on which one of her older sisters was shown “I am not even angry at you for that one. She looks so adorable! Where have you found it anyway?”

Nesta seemed to think about if for a moment, her eyes not able to stray from her cute sister as this bright smile of hers seemed to remind the steeled Archeron of where she found it “I had rummaged through a couple of old boxes in my apartment and this picture was among the many things I found there. I just had to scan it in and use it as my wallpaper!”

All of us chuckled as we listened to the two sisters rambling on about their middle one. For the first time of the evening was the attention on the one that was not here with us now.

But Mor’s innocent curiosity had Nesta thinking, “How did Elain react when you showed her the picture?”

The oldest Archeron furrowed her eyebrows together, deep in thought as she took a sip from her wine; “When I had shown Elain the picture, she didn’t precisely have the reaction I thought she would have.”

“Which one did she have?” questioned Cassian again, remembering the oldest Archeron of his existence, so it seemed. As we were all drowned out of the conversation that erupted between the two sisters.

“I don’t really know. She mumbled something about a boy she had met that day. Or rather something about soft hands that held her carefully. I am not fully aware what she meant with that.”

Feyre only sighed at that. Rubbing her eyes tiredly only mumbling her next words “She sometimes has this.” “What, Feyre, darling?”

Rhysand’s eyes searched the one of his Fiancé with a worried look for answers. Those tired blue eyes of hers lightening up the moment they locked on our brother. Cassian and Mor exchanged some knowing looks, as if they knew about something the two of them didn’t.

Though there wasn’t really anything the two could know about at this moment. Their smirks fading as soon as Feyre’s heavy voice rang in our ears. It sounded so different than the voice we heard all evening, a cloak of sadness seeming to cover her. “Elain sometimes has these weird moments in which she sees …. things.” tried Feyre to explain.

Nesta only nodded at her while she continued. All of our confused gazes locked on Feyre’s slumped form “She - I don’t know how it works- sometimes sees these cryptic things she blabbers on about. Trying to explain to us what these things might be. But in all honesty, I don’t think these ‘Visions’ are good for her.”

“How so?” I found myself asking. The two Archeron sisters looking at me as if they hadn’t even known I sat at the table, who's atmosphere seemed to shift faster than the weather in April. Both of their blue eyes rested on my stiff body as they assessed if I had a right to ask this question.

My brain well aware of every breath my body took, but this traitorous heart of mine also wanted to hide those crippled hands of mine. Those screams, which escaped my tiny lungs so many years ago, ringing in my ears along with Nesta's cold words, though the coldness of them wasn’t directed to anyone at our table.

“Her ex-fiancé had left her, because of these visions.” A dry chuckled echoed over the table to us. Feyre meeting the eyes of her sister as a devilish smirk spread on her lips. Spreading this smile like a wildfire on Nesta’s as well.

A look of pride whelming up in her eyes while the rest of the table was just quiet. Hanging onto every word they exchanged.

“You mean he cheated on her, because of these visions. Elain was the one that broke off the engagement.”

Nesta took in a sharp breath “Yeah, after she showed up in the middle of the night at my threshold. Half drunken!”

Her younger sisters' eyebrows shoot into her hair line “She was what?!”

“Half- drunken.” emphasized Nesta again. “If she was only half-drunken, she clearly must have done something wrong.” mumbled Amren into her fourth wine glass. Earning herself a glare from the entire table.

“Why have you never told me this?! I mean - I know how the rest of the story went, so this isn’t really the most shocking part, but still! I have a right to know when my older sister is drunk!”

“I don’t think neither Elain or I know of the all the times you have been drunk.” was all her older sister deadpanned.

Something wild and burning rising in Nesta’s steeled eyes as Cassian dragged the attention away from Feyre, carefully asking them “How exactly did this fateful night go?”

The two sisters exchanged a short look with each other. Making all of us realize at this point, that if anyone was to harm their sister, they would break hell lose. Though it sounded as if Elain was capable of that all alone.

The story of her broken off engagement truly something no one of us would hear another time.

“Elain’s ex-fiancé, Graysen -” spat Nesta. The name alone wanting to make her throw up. “he had sent her into psychiatry for about two months. Neither Feyre or I had heard anything from her in those months. I guess it is unnecessary at this point to say that we were worried sick about her.”

“Why was she there anyway? I mean like it sounded there was no higher force, like a judge, that sent her there.” stated Mor. Cass, Rhys and even Amren’s head nodding in agreement at the train of thoughts she took. Feyre’s hollow voice would have been answer enough for us, but she went a little bit into detail.

“Elain truly loved Graysen and believed he was her one and only, so when he told her to check herself in for a psychiatry – she didn’t object at all.” “But doesn’t - ““It was a long-term ‘project’, yes.” interrupted Nesta the tiny woman, that looked mortified.

Never in my life had I seen her look like that. Looking with wide silver eyes and in shock at the oldest Archeron - the red wine in her small hands long forgotten, while she hung on every word of hers.

Smirking lips revealing to us all something we weren’t able to connect to the sweet little angle that was portrayed on the wallpaper.

Those delighted warm eyes of hers drowning in tears how Nesta described it to us.

“I still can’t tell if she was hurt or just furious – both I would guess- as I sat her in my car. She hadn’t spoken a word to me on the drive, only the next morning did she reveal where she had been and why she hadn’t reached out to one of us, she just got sent back home from psychiatry. Wanting to surprise her fiancé, who she thought would be incredibly happy about her return. She didn’t announce herself as she stepped into their apartment – the sounds of moans and grunts greeting her. She told me the first place she went to was a bar, not entirely sure if I, or Feyre ever wanted to see her again.”

Nesta took a final deep breath, “I wasn’t up there with her when she confronted. I just drove her there and honestly – I regret that I wasn’t with her.”

Mor paled as well as Cassian and I. Wild pictures ran through our minds that were clearly wrong. The pictures of an abused woman filling my mind, while she screamed for help. The other woman looking pleased down on her whenever her lover hit her.

A shiver ran down my spine, no one deserved that.

No one deserved to be cheated on and yet Elain was one of those who had rented bad luck in love for herself, though I don’t assume a cheater was what she wished would be her one and only.

But while we were all stuck to the innocent picture laying on the table, we all underestimated her as Nesta went further into the description of the evening, the proud smile she wore spreading onto my very own lips as I listened into her tale with delight.

“I was just able to see a bit. I had hoped she would throw his belongings out of the window. Though I already assumed Elain would hold him a speech about trust and loyalty that no one could understand as it was drowned out by her tears – she amazed me that night. There were no clothes thrown out of the window. She had cradled them in her arms and piled them on the grass in front of their apartment complex. The pile of clothes and mother knows what growing and growing. As she walked out the last time of the door– she had a canister of gas with her.

“Drowning everything in the smelly liquid as she threw a match on the whole pile. Watching from a faraway distance how his things got burned, like the future she imagined with him.”

Feyre and Nesta had, both, quite pleased looks on their faces as they remembered the doing of their sister. Amren looked like the devil herself as she took sip for sip from her goblet, Morrigan smirked along with her.

Rhysand was left speechless, something he rarely was, and Cass only whistled. Colour having drained from his face as Feyre picked up on the story again. “This isn’t even the best part yet.”

“It’s not?” questioned Amren and Mor in one devilish voice.

She only nodded. “After Elain had entered the apartment, she took Greysen’s hurriedly stripped off clothes and threw them at onto his sorry ass once she found him. Though she threw these weird leather shoes of his separately – letting them strike where she wanted them.”

Nesta had a pride filled look on her face as she took a carful sip from her wine. Those burning eyes of hers seeing things no one of us really wanted to think about.

“Feyre, darling, at what exactly did she throw them?” asked Rhys carefully. Sweat having started to coat him during their tale, probably growing well aware of the fact that if he ever was to hurt just one sister of the three – he was sure to lose some of his most precious belongings

I guess each of us had their own guess of where she threw his shoes, most of us tending to his groin, but Feyre and Nesta revealed something so entirely different, with such smugness that no one could surpass at least a little chuckle.

“His face. The next time we saw him he had a blue eye and a broken nose.”

It was well deserved I told myself as my mind strayed back out of the window. A proud smile displayed on my lips as I did so.

I knew I shouldn’t have listened so carefully, shouldn’t have wanted to know of what the absent middle Archeron had done. It was also wrong to have even just a little smile on my lips while I listened.

If she would have been here, it might have looked for her as if we were laughing about her while it was in truth the pain that was caused to this ‘Graysen’, that had us all smiling like devils.

Each one of us already well aware of a crippled kind of love that could hurt us, wishing the ones who caused it worse than hell.

A past lover of Rhysand having abused him while Morrigan forced herself to love men – not able to meet the blaming looks of her family. Letting herself wither each time a bit more when she brought a man home to her family.

And while these two suffered from toxic lovers, the rest of us suffered differently.

Amren having never experienced any kind of love before Varian as she was left on the streets – homeless and a crying infant in the middle of a park. Her mother, or perhaps both her parents, deciding for her to never know of their love. A nun had taken shelter on her, letting her stay as long as she wished. And even though this nun gave Amren everything she could – a home, food, warmth and a bit of love it was never what she would have gotten from her parents.

Deep down she knew that, her heart having suffered for a long time under this knowledge.

And while she had too less love, Cassian’s mother had gotten too much of it. Her lover having loved her with everything he had. This twisted mind of his wanting to lock the woman he loved, with his whole being, away from the world once he discovered she was pregnant.

She had run away while she was in labour with Cass, not wanting this locked away life for him.

No one of us could think of the pain she must have had as she gave birth to him in a park. Muffling her own screams from the strangers that walked past her hide-out. Rhysand’s mother had been one of them, she had heard those muffled screams and went to look for the one in pain.

I don’t really know how Rhys mother must have felt like as she saw the woman sitting with wide spread legs on the grass. The soft leaves of it painted red as she tried to muffle her own screams with biting into her arm.

Everything that followed on this incident was a blur, told me my mother ones. She said Cassian was thrusted into Cassandra’s arms. His mother had instructed her to go home and take him with her.

Rhys mother had argumented long with her to take her with them, but the woman tried to push her away. Told her if she didn’t move now, no one would be safe and everything would turn worse.

It was a heart-breaking story the newspapers soaked up, like a sponge water. They wanted to interview Rhys mother of what had happened, but she did not let a word slip. Though the salt was still pressed into this mental wound of hers. Her heart well aware of the fact that she couldn’t keep the last promise she made to the woman.

Knowing well that she couldn’t keep it. She had promised Cassian’s mother to come back, that she would have tomorrow and the rest of her life to live. But she wasn’t even able to reach tomorrow, her lover having found her in the same night.

Strangling her to death once he saw her laying there.

Up till this day I can’t tell how Cassian managed to smile again after he found out about her at the age of fourteen. The experiences I had with my own father leaving a bitter taste in my mouth whenever I thought about it.

It could have been my mother, I always thought. My mother that could have been killed as soon as someone found out that she was pregnant and I thanked the gods that it was only a life full of pain for a six-year-old me. That she seemed to be spared from it. So, I thought at least.

She was beaten down, just like me, whenever she was allowed to enter the basement.

But she – we- were able to get away from this pain, not without some scars though. Most were in our minds, while my hands screamed of those my half-brothers had left on me. Those crippled, numb hands haunting me for the rest of my life.

Luckily Elain was able to get away from this horrible life, I thought to myself. Looking out and realizing just how late it had turned, I wanted to look to my companions. But they were gone.

A note of Amrens handwriting everything that remained of them,

‘You looked so deep in thought that I guess it is time for you to use some quietness to sort yourself out again. Feyre and Rhys already paid for us, if you plan on sitting a bit longer you get to pay your drinks alone.’

I smiled at the little note, perhaps it really was time to get myself sorted out again.

After all, with the woman from today and Elain Archeron on my mind - combined with her story it was perhaps better to talk to my mother again. She always seemed to have a good advice for me, though I don’t really want to imagine her laughter when I am going to explain my troubles to her. Those so called ‘Lady troubles’ like she loved to call it haunting me down.

A groan escaped me as I looked out of the window again, seeing just for a brief moment a coated figure that ran across the street. Rounding the corner and soon entering Rita’s. I had noticed how a waiter moved to the lady that had entered and wanted to already take her coat off, but she declined.

The young waiter leading her with a confused look to my table.

“Thank you.” was all she whispered to the waiter as she ordered her food in the same breath, taking up a seat next to me once he was gone. My eyes strayed over her form as she sat all wet at the table, her face and entire body covered under a beige trench coat, the only thing I could make out of her was her large stomach – that seemed to wiggle?

“Excuse me?” I turned her attention to me; this petite form of hers growing stiff as she turned to me. A nervous chuckle, which I already heard once today, boring itself into my mind again while she pushed back her hood.

Those soft rosy lips smiling up at me once again. My traitorous heart starting to speed up by the mere look of her.

“Elain Archeron.” she exclaimed with an extended hand, the other one holding onto the bundle on her stomach she attempted to hide. “Azriel Dandelion.” was all I could answer with a slight rise of colour.

Those warm eyes of hers scanning my entire being for a moment before a small screeching had captured her attention.

A warm but scolding look was displayed on her face while she looked at the little snoot that poked out from her hide out. The wet tongue of the dog moving to lick Elain’s nose once she was close enough.

It was a cute scenario I witnessed with a bursting heart. After all, not all dog owners went that far as to disguise their puppy as a pregnancy only to not have her wait in the rain. “When are you due?” I found myself asking. Leaning smugly on my hand while she tried to shush Cookie.

I had been scolding me the entire day for the stupid question I had asked her about the puppy, that made her owner crash into me ‘Why did you name her Cookie?’ But she didn’t seem to mind it. Back then as well as now, she only smiled as if it had been stitched into her very lips.

Her heart not caring at all of what others thought of her.

“Well, Azriel, how long are the others gone already?” Gods! I loved how my name rolled of her tongue. This wildly beating heart inside my chest seeming to grow a tail too, as it kept wagging pleadingly at her to say my name.

‘This is embarrassing!’ I thought with a cough. “To be honest, I have no clue.”

It was a heart-breaking sad smile that settled on her lips as she eyed her puppy “Like I know my timing, they are probably only gone since the last ten minutes.” “Why would you say you have a bad timing?”

She seemed torn between something as she had a turmoil looking at me, those sceptic eyes again resting on me. Just like they did four hours ago, though this time she didn’t assess if I was hurt – due to her sudden crash into my chest.

And heart.

But then again, she didn’t just suddenly crash into my heart. Elain was there when I had discovered my freedom. The mere memory of her accompanying me up into adulthood. These oft giggles having never left my ears as they wound deeper and deeper into my heart each time, I thought about her.

Maybe it was the cosy feeling I always had when I remembered her freckles, those sleepy eyes as she was dragged away by the Golden Retriever, that smiled so proudly into the camera with her all those years ago.

“Well, I once had a bad timing for when I got back home.”

“That had nothing to do with your bad timing.” was all I could mumble, while her eyes still held mine captured. Her caramel ones locking with my hazel ones for the brief moment of seconds, before she declared a triumphing “Aha! I knew it!”

“What exactly?”

“Feyre and Nesta told you about my engagement.” Somehow, I felt ashamed as I nodded. I knew she would find out sooner or later anyway. But having her call me out that easily made me feel like the clumsiest kid that had been caught red handed in the cookie jar. A groan escaping me at the play of words in my mind, while she only giggled.

Cookies brownish snoot peeking up ever the slightest.

“Don’t worry about it. Nesta and Feyre, both, like to brag about my burst out.” I lifted a curious brow at that but she only continued to smile. Cookie barking happily at her once she saw this honest smile of her cheery owner.

“Shhh, you already had a good time of barking at the vet!” tried Elain to shush her little pup as the attention of the few guests was turned onto her. A grin breaking lose on my face while I could only eye her with fascination.

Love struck, like my mother would have said.

But I would care later about this. “How about we get your food as take out and eat at my place. Cookie doesn't need to hide there.” I simply put as reason a baffled look crossing her features.

This somehow confused look of hers worrying me to death. “That is if you want to!”

“ I would verry much like that.”

* * * “Azriel Dandelion! Could you give me one hell of a good explanation as to why I am here?!” yelled Feyre across the hospital floor as she dragged Cookie on a short leash behind her. The puppy, she had gifted her older sister over a year ago, having grown well over the months she was away with Rhysand. Traveling all across the court.

Cookies tail started to wag harder once she saw my worried form standing in the middle of a pink, sterilized hallway – right before a delivery room from which I heard Elian's screams.

Feyre’s snow coated body growing as pale as the flakes captured on her hood as she identified her sisters screams of pain. Letting the leash of Cookie fall down to the floor while she bolted for the door.

But my bulky frame locked it. Cookie’s large form to my side, that pleaded for attention, also preventing her from opening up that door. A look of confused rage crossing those blue eyes of hers.

“Azriel! My sister is in mother fucking pain! Let me in there!” “You think I am deaf? I hear her screams just as well as you do! And believe when I tell you these nurses aren’t patient!”

“What?” Feyre looked baffled up at me. A storm of questions, just as heavy as the snowstorm outside, displayed in her eyes. “I already was inside there, but the nurse shooed me out once I was about to have a panic attack – claiming I would make El more nervous than anyone else.” was all I could scoff before I bent down to scrap Cookie behind her yellowish fluffy ear.

Elain was right, when she told me of the therapeutical use – it really eased my nerves as I felt bits of the soft fur of her under this crippled flesh of mine.

Seeming to sense my thoughts, she gently nudged her snoot into my palm. Trying to calm me on her own way down, while she sat calmly on the floor. Feyre taking up a seat next to the door as we waited outside.

A frustrated huff leaving her exhausted body. Her teary eyes not looking at anything in particular “Can you give me at least an explanation as to why Cassian had been waiting for me in Elain’s apartment, shoved Cookie’s leash at me and told me I should go to the second floor of the hospital and look for you?”

It was readable as clear as day that Feyre was worried. Though she didn’t seem to have read the signs while she stormed up to me. “Have you checked the station you are on?”

Like Cookie woken up when she heard the doorbell, did Feyre hunt down for a sign. Just did she not seem to be able to read all those signs around the floor through her tear-stained vision. Dreading mother knows what while she ran around the station.

“Feyre! Look!” I simply pointed out to her the sign that hung opposite of me. Written in big fat cursive letters was: “Delivery room …" It was all she mumbled as she took up the space next to me. Some nurses eying us with shacking heads while they did their work. Clearly noticing the dog that lay to our feet, but not caring as long as she didn’t run wild.

Though I think the last thing Feyre had on her mind now were the nurses that hurried around like bees. The usual strong voice, with which she spoke, having become breathless. Her plate wide eyes looking up at me with a look, I couldn’t place my finger on. Settling down in her Irises, once she was fully aware that she had read my silent answers well.

“How did that happen?”

“Feyre, I think you are old enough to know of how babies are made.”

Well, that hit on the shoulder was a deserved one. “Now is not the time to be cocky Azriel! My sister is in labour!” “Well, if it helps – my fiancé is in labour.”

All colour drained from her as she hit me again on my shoulder, a bruise already forming there “I am gone for god fucking ten months and you end up sleeping with my sister and proposing to her! What else is there to know? Did Cassian and Nesta start dating too?!”

“Well, that is clearly not my story to tell.” The look she gave me made me feel glad that we were in a hospital. A doctor would always be close by, a nurse would be enough too to make a bleeding stop.

But a bark had captured our attention as the rest of the hospital turned quiet and made us save the rest of our argument for later. Elain's screams having long ebbed down while Feyre and I were shouting at each other, right in front of her delivery room. The small wailing of a new life was all we heard.

I think if we all would have had tails like Cookie, we probably would have cleaned up the floor better than any mop could have. Our nerves strained to the point of snapping while we waited for the door to open up. One of the doctors almost run down by the three of us, as we hurried into the room.

Tears blurring my vision as I saw my wife to be, cooing softly at our daughter cradled in her arms. This soft bundle looking so fragile in her arms as Feyre already stopped at the door. A long stream of tears escaping her eyes while Cookie and I moved to Elain’s side.

Eying the little girl carefully as I stretched out a hand to caress her tiny chubby cheek. The bubbly laugh on my lips something I had never before from myself. “She looks like you.”

Completely knowing where I was going with this, she carefully nudged my side. Love and a playful fondness laying in this silly gesture “You were cubby as a baby too.”

“Yet you still were the cuter one.” I found myself praising the woman I loved. Kissing her sweaty temple while a giggle erupted from her, making my already full heart bursting for her even more.

I think there would never be enough words in any dictionary, that could describe this whirling storm of feelings inside my chest. My heart already bursting when I thought of the future, the future I so long had hoped for but never thought of as happening to me.

Never have I had faith in myself when it came to love, never had I been thinking that I would one day hold a child in my arms. My – our child - as Elain carefully lay her into my bulky arms resting a bit before Feyre bombarded her with questions.

Elain answered every question of her sister with a kind smile as the night aged into the morning. The heavy clouds of the snowstorm making it impossible to see the rising sun. But there was no reason for the sun to rise – not anymore.

It was a selfish thought – I knew – but there was no reason for a third ball of sunshine to rise. While I had the two brightest ones cradled in in my arms already.

My loves blinding smile everything I needed to live for the rest of my life happily. Pampering her and our little one with kisses as everything made perfect sense.

Those ‘Visions’ that kept her awake many nights, made her live through hundreds of nightmares and her sobbing into the mornings – they connected her to me. Showed her pieces of my past, our combined past as she spoke of those soft bandaged hands, making us both remember of the day we first met.

Though I do believe it was hard for to remember, since she was only one, but our hearts seemed to have long called for each other. Knowing from the very start that this future would be awaiting us with open arms.

Our family. Perfect as it was – two aunts and two dorky uncles, with two bussy bodies of a godmother waiting for us. Cookie, with her brown dots on her fur just as unique as our daughter.

Her eyes - one soft and brown like those of her mother, while the other one was hazel, like mine.

Happiness brimming in both of them when she first showed us the world. Our world that would await us once we got back home. Our hearts already captured by her sweet giggles, that had both of us left in tears.

My eternal love and gratefulness for Elain, never enough to show her how much I thanked her. How much I wanted to know her that she was the one and only one that had captured my heart.

Expect for the little one cradled in our arms, but she seemed to already wrap our whole little world around her chubby finger. Cookies soft snoot nuzzling into her soft skin as she smelled her. Acknowledging our little girl already as part of her family.

Hopefully Cookie would not have the same habit as Elain’s dog so many years ago had – dragging her away by her collar as she hurried through the house with a tired Elain captured in her mouth.

Though I guess I would not mind it. Cookie already seemed to have a problem with Feyre approaching us – which had her laughing and moving swiftly out of the door. Most likely calling Rhysand on the news.

Declaring with a goofy grin that they became an uncle and an aunt – their family having just spread a bit wider. As all of us sat around the Christmas tree the next week, our little Soleil finally among us, while we were all gathered in our little, perfect apartment.

Her bussy bodies of a family gushing and aweing at the pregnancy pictures of her mother, that beamed through each of them like the sun herself.

A proud smile never leaving her soft lips – which I found myself chasing more than often in the past week. Not able to control this sheer force of love that seemed to make me throw myself at my beloved, whenever I saw her.

The melodyic giggle of her, accompaying me through everything life threy our way.

______________________________________________________________

So I hope you liked this one: I hope you don’t mind the use of name in this one😘

When I wrote this I at first thought to myself ‘Shit! How do you write about a dog person?’ well it wasn’t that difficult anymore once I saw those cute little puppys.

I am now officially cheating on my cats since the last ten days😅

Anyway, here is your hint for tomorrow: It’s turning classy.

#acotar secret snowflake #elriel #elain archeron #soft az #feysand #mentions of nassian #elain x azriel child #mention of abuse #the inner circle #amren and az friendship #elain x azriel

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