#Nan'to Vaadrage

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal] January 10, 2021

To think I once felt anything for Edmond Beaumont.

No, no, don’t confuse him with his twin, Edgard Beaumont, whom I love very much. I speak of Edgard’s twin brother.  Edmond’s hurt Ardi for the last time and I certainly hope that Ardi listens to me in loosening his grip on his brother from here on out.  I know he loves Edmond deeply, as a brother should, but ever since they parted ways in Ul’dah Edmond can’t even be bothered to give Ardi more than ten minutes of his time at any given turn. Even when Ardi shared with him the happy news of our engagement, he gave some perfunctory congratulations and said he would now /need/ to get us a present.  Not out of joy, but out of obligation. 

Ardi came home confused, hurt, and frustrated by Edmond’s lack of… well, anything.  Not care, not concern, not hope, not love.  Just emptiness. I don’t know what’s happened to Edmond since we parted ways in Ul’dah but whatever it is has ruined him, even so much as everything that’s happened to Edgard has made him into a better man. Perhaps the two of them are destined to eternally be diametrically opposed.  I’ve heard from both brothers in the past that they were opposite in personality to who they are today, so if they’re both opposite of their opposite now, then they’re still opposite each other.  Right?  Gods, it’s enough to make one’s head ache.

(Courtesy cut for length)

Still, I did what I could to comfort Edgard and remind him that he has so many people who enjoy him for who he is.  People he doesn’t have to beg, plead, and cajole into spending even ten minutes’ time with him.  People who are overjoyed to see him engaged and a groom-to-be. People who love him.  Without question, without reservation.  People he deserves.

Edmond will find a relationship with his brother -- or he won’t. No amount of forcing the issue will make one manifest if Edmond himself does not will it so. I know Ardi sees the sense of it, I know at the heart of him he understands it -- but his blind, steadfast loyalty to a brother who treats him like dirt is unfathomable to me. I honestly think Edmond could murder me and Ardi would find some way to no fault in him. That’s how deeply and blindly I believe he loves his brother.  In it’s own way, it’s toxic and I fear it will damage both brothers irrevocably before it’s all said and done. Like Ardi is prone to do, though, he must learn things the hard way, no matter if it may ruin him in the end.  It is simultaneously something I love and hate about him.  He’ll go to the ends of the earth and beyond for the people he loves -- but godsdammit if I don’t feel like some of the people he loves don’t even fucking deserve it.

Lately, things seem to run in contrasts.  This follows the wonderful night at the Lunar Beach Party, time well-spent with Tetsuro Wulf, Sakura Takara, Nan’to Vaadrage, Ninka’ir Tayuun, and Sumiko Rijin. Even our own Karrn Moks made it out to the beach to play in an effort to further his exploration into new cultures and foods for his recipe-making. While I didn’t win at any of the games or collect any prizes, it was an enchanting evening that ended with a gorgeous performance by N’badra Jhiti and her partner. Yami Mcfluff showed up at the very tail end in an effort to get out and meet more people.

Yami was kind enough to walk me home and Karrn made us a delightful meal of vegetable soup in some sourdough bread bowls. While we were hanging out, V’hala Helsi finally put in an appearance from her workshop. I haven’t seen much of her since she’d given her issues with Fraus over to the Night Raid.  From everything I’ve heard from Edgard, she regularly drinks herself into a stupor and cloisters herself in the workshop, endlessly working on some new blueprint. Still, I was glad enough to see her out and about, mingling with people.  I think that’s a good sign for whatever black mood she’s been in.

As we idled in the common room of the inn, more people began to filter in from the Beach Party.  Ninka’ir on his way home, Sumiko following not long in his wake. Even a random patron showed up in the form of Seda’li Rayuun, he was looking for a place to stay and happened to follow everyone else in. V’hala, especially, seemed to take great interest in him when he spoke of his profession as a blacksmith.  It wasn’t until Rosik Ren came in that things really engaged V’hala. 

The three of them, Seda’li, Rosik, and V’hala ended up going to the workshop to discuss some prototypes of some armor and weaponry that Rosik was wanting to have made. That left me, Edgard, Yami and the others down in the common room, but they soon filtered out and were replaced by Kita Wolvesbane.

Kita was his usual self, at least until a point when -- I’m not altogether sure what happened.  I don’t know if it was me flirting with him or Edgard, but something in him shifted and his mood went from flirty to fractured. Pensive even.  Again, people filtered away until the only ones left were Kita and I, so, naturally I had to get to the bottom of things.

At the heart of it, Kita is lonely.  I can only imagine, given that they are immortal. Like others of their kind, they are doomed to see all that they love among mortality slowly wither and die until naught are left of them but Kita’s own memories. Even Besheke Ma’iingan, whom Kita loves deeply, is unwilling to take on immortality for Kita’s sake -- as Besheke desires nothing more than to be reunited with his own mortal love in whatever afterlife comes next.

I suppose theirs -- and others like them -- are relationships I’ll never understand.  No matter how “equally” one claims to love multiple lovers or partners -- someone will always, always, be second best. I sometimes wonder how they can stand it.  I couldn’t even stand to be second best to the ghost of Edgard’s long-dead wife. I couldn’t imagine there being someone else in his life that he claimed to love as much as I.  There will always be someone that gets more time, more effort, more conversation, or more smiles.  No matter how equal the love is proclaimed to be, it can never truly be that way. Besh and Kita are a prime example of that. One will always have to choose between them, at one point or another, and someone inevitably gets hurt.

For Kita, it always ends up being him. Her.  Them.  Gods, his gender-swapping gets confusing sometimes.  At any rate, being immortal, Kita will almost always be the one left with the short end of the stick. He longs for someone he can share his life with, but finding kitsune who are willing to accept him has apparently been difficult. I feel for him, truly, though I have no idea how to really help him in that arena.  The only kitsune I know are him, Tetsuro… and apparently Kita’s sister now that I’ve met her in U’ldah.  She tried to recruit Edgard and I as followers

At any rate, Kita is another sad story in a chain of endless, sad stories.  It’s like the world is devoid of joy anymore.  Just filled with people trying to make it one more day.  It makes me wonder if my life is somehow a dream, that I have no right to be comfortable, safe, and happy when everyone around me is miserable.  I suppose it’s like I told Edgard, though, we can’t be responsible for everyone else’s lives, we’ve committed our lives to each other now, and that should always take first priority over anyone else.

So, I’ll see about tending to that soon with Kita.  We’ll go to Ishgard and see if we can’t find a cure for Victoria and her mysterious malady.  That will be one less worry off Edgard’s plate -- one less worry off /our/ plate. Tumblr Mentions (... and people you should follow) @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @nightraid-hq​ for the Lunar Festival Party @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @thechoirrp​ for Karrn Moks @nbadrajhiti​ for N’badra Jhiti @thehouseofvs​ for V’hala Helsi

[nightraid-hq]

BEAU'S MONSTER: Thank you to our valiant hunters and adventurers who took part in the elite bounty! 🏆

Aultena Sephimiri @roleplay-aficionado​ Loksia Grimheart Azazel Hasegawa Zanshin Kutabare Ryza Eclipse Nan'to Vaadrage 

DM & Photos: Nan'to Vaadrage (https://www.twitter.com/Pdylorn)

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal] January 12, 2021

I’m not even sure I have the words for how wrongly everything went this evening. From the meeting with the Night Raid to whatever was going on with Siannault Tavard and Rae-Hann.

The meeting in and of itself wasn’t bad. I just felt like I was stepping out of my involvement right when they might need me most. I promised Rae-Hann, though.  I told him that once I was done with this last bit with Ollie I was well and truly done. I know he worries about me and I know he just wants to keep me safe. I was raised that you always keep your word to the people you care about most.  Rae-Hann has enough trouble with trusting people and letting them close without me breaching that trust when he extends it to me. 

My only saving grace is that I feel like I’m leaving V’hala Helsi in good hands. Between Tetsuro Wulf, Nan’to Vaadrage, V’ari Tia, Siannault, and Rae-Hann my presence and contributions seem superfluous really. What have I really accomplished since being involved? I played distraction for E’nijah Suzume during the warehouse investigation, learning little to nothing of value except for, perhaps, the presence of the Disgruntled Transient.  After that, I followed up with that transient, only to find out that Rae-Hann and Siannault had gone before me, not that I begrudge them getting involved. I simply wish they’d told me so we could coordinate our efforts. 

(Courtesy cut -- This is a LONG one folks, hang on to your seats!)

I’d gotten angry with them the night I found out, which should honestly surprise no one.  It’s well-known that I have a temper, but somehow I’m supposed to just plod along docile as a sheep and let people run roughshod over an operation and efforts that we’ve been painstakingly putting together for weeks without being informed until they were good and ready. And it’s not like /they/ could claim they didn’t know, I’ve kept them well-informed since all this started. So, yes, I got angry, I got belligerent. 

To top it all off, they did this not half-a-bell before we opened the Stars Rest Inn for our public tavern night. So, not only did I have to deal with that, I had to put on my best inn-keeper’s smile and go serve people for several hours on top of it with naught but that to dwell on!  

But that was weeks ago and I’d long since moved on from then.  I never heard from Siannault at all, except through Rae-Hann who was understandably worried that the man had become withdrawn, preoccupied, uncommunicative. Out of everyone in the whole world, I would have expected Siannault to talk to Rae-Hann, but for days, weeks afterward there was nothing with Rae-Hann seeming even more sick and worried each time I saw him.  And it rankled.

Rae-Hann has been part of my life since long before Edgard, long before the Twins, before the Night Raid, and before Siannault.  If anyone means the most to me, it’s that silly, grump-faced mystel from Norvrandt.  We’ve been through a lot together, overcome a lot of things together.  If he wasn’t so clearly into men, I might have fallen for him once, but I think I rather like being his friend and student with him instead. Our friendship has grown a lot over the past year or so -- but whatever happened tonight may ruin it irrevocably.

When I was young, I grew up in the Hunt. My world, my upbringing, was about survival. To that end, my mother was ruthless and hard when it came to my lessons and learning the ways of the world. “Tough love” my father called it, hard truths that needed to be heard in order for me to get better, to improve -- to survive. While I don’t believe I’m quite as ruthless as Maora, I do operate under the same principles of honesty, telling people hard truths, and really making them look at things.  For most, this works, but there are some on the rare occasion who simply can’t handle it.  Now, I know my truths are not absolute, they aren’t the be-all, end-all of anything.  At the end of the day, they’re purely my opinions, which people are more than free to throw out with the trash if they don’t agree with them.  If people ask me for my opinions or my help, though, I like to think they know me well enough to understand that.

So when Rae-Hann sat Siannault down in front of me, telling him “we” wanted to know what was going on with him, that “we” cared about him -- I thought that was Rae-Hann’s way of asking me to step in, to help him get to the root of whatever was going on.  After all, Siannault hadn’t responded to /him/ in any way, so what, really, would be the harm?  I watched, though, as Rae-Hann reached out to him, again and again, and that elezen just sat there barely replying to anything. The more it happened, the more agitated Rae-Hann became. I couldn’t take it anymore.

If Siannault wouldn’t react to Rae-Hann’s gentle, loving insistence, I thought for sure he’d respond to being provoked.  Questioned.  Insulted.  Something.  /Anything/ to show some kind of reaction that he gave a damn about us. About Rae.  Siannault went and puked in the sink.  Said nothing.  Did nothing, except heave what little contents of his stomach existed.

Rae-Hann eventually grew so frustrated that he lashed out at me, which I don’t really blame him.  If someone was taking Edgard to task in front of me, I’d probably have some choice words to say to them too.  Regardless how much it might have been deserved, no matter how much it might have just been a ruse to get Siannault to /react/ to something -- it still stung. Like I said, Rae-Hann has been by my side longer than anyone else, his opinions, his thoughts of me, carry more weight than most.

Everything always has to be about you, he’d said, as if everything I did had some selfish motive. I didn’t want to ruin your cozy, idyllic life at the inn with all the shite that goes on outside it.  I /know/ the world is chaos; I don’t need to be shielded from it.  I’d rather people be honest with me about the good and the bad in their lives rather than constantly hiding it until I find out about it anyway.  It happens eventually, so I really don’t see the point in perpetuating the fiction when the truth is just so much easier to face head-on.

It’s neither here nor there, though. Even by that point, Siannault had reacted to nothing but the kitchen sink, even pulling away from Rae-Hann when he asked after him.  The Starlight Gift I’d given to Siannault before all this started sat unopened on the counter.  Nothing.  Nothing.  And nothing some more.  I was doing more to upset Rae-Hann even further than I was to getting through to Siannault, so rather than do any further damage, I took my leave.

My steps took me down to a small beach alcove not far from the Rest.  I listened to the sounds of the sea and the night-song -- and wept.  I don’t cry often and it’s usually only when something goes on in my Found Family that’s so intensely hurtful that I can’t help it.  Rae-Hann saying those things cut deeply.   None can hurt us quite so well as those who are closest to us.

Was I selfish?  Did I truly make everything about me?  I started going through everything I’d said, done, or taken on over the past several moons, mentally combing through them with a fine-toothed comb.  Why was I helping V’hala?  Why was I helping Edgard?   Or Rae-Hann and Siannault?  It wasn’t for glory.  It wasn’t for fame.  It wasn’t even for gil.  Or even their gratitude.  I just wanted them all to be free of whatever plagued them.  Free, content, and happy -- as I was.  Letting go of my past, letting go of the Saurotaun, was one of the best decisions I’d ever made.  Once I let that go, things in my life suddenly snapped into place as if waiting for me to finally unload the ballast of my tragic history.  Was it selfish to want that for other people?  Especially when it’s the people I care about most?

All these thoughts were tumbling around in my head when Edgard Beaumont found me. Together, he and I had a long talk about everything that had gone on and we both agreed that sometimes -- there really is nothing you can do.  No matter how helpless we feel to look on and watch the people we care about suffer, sometimes it’s the only thing you /can/ do.  They have to be ready to take on the problem /themselves/ before they can ever really hope to let others help them, otherwise, we’re fighting a losing battle from the onset.

As we talked, we spoke of my own shortcomings when it came to being protected. He tried to make it clear to me that just because other people have traumas that make them want to be overprotective and overbearing doesn’t mean that they feel I’m incapable or inferior.  What other reason could anyone have for putting someone behind them like they’re weaker or more vulnerable?  Edgard explained it simply:  For love. 

“You know I'm not going to jump haphazardly in front of you at the slightest risk,” he’d said. “But I would risk my life for you without thinking twice, Aultena. I said it the day I told you my feelings, and I'll say it again. If something happened to you, it would shake me to the core."

It wasn’t about protecting /me/ from harm -- it was about protecting /themselves/ from pain.  It had nothing at all to do with me or my skill, but everything to do with the depth of their own feelings. Why had I never realized this before?  Surely, someone, somewhere had explained it in all the times I’ve fought with people about it.  Perhaps I wasn’t being receptive.  Perhaps I just plain wasn’t listening like I should have been.

I’m far from perfect and I’ve made a lion’s share of mistakes. I’ll probably make plenty more before my time in this world is done.   One thing I’ve always been good at, though, is owning up to my actions when I realize I’m in the wrong. 

Once Edgard and I parted ways, I returned to the Stars’ Rest only to find Rae-Hann and Siannault still there, still arguing from the sounds of it.  Yet, no sooner than I arrived, Rae-Hann announced that Siannault was leaving and the elezen did with a finality to it that said he wouldn’t be coming back.  As he made his way out the door, I tried to apologize, both to him and to Rae-Hann, but neither of them were having it.  Rae-Hann was too angry still and Siannault still too apathetic.  So nothing at all had changed from my presence or my absence.

My heart ached for Rae-Hann.  Things had been so right, so content over the Starlight holidays, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy -- which is honestly saying a lot for Rae after everything he’s been through.  If he blames me for what happened, I can hardly blame him.  He’ll need someone to blame; he’ll need someone to be angry with.  And that person will never be Siannault, even though this could have all been solved so easily if he’d just talked to Rae-Hann as he’d asked.  Pleaded.  Begged.

So I’m content to let it be me.  Our friendship may not survive this, but these are the sacrifices we make for family.  For the ones we love. 

[casualcatte]

[ RP Journal ] 11/01/2020

The beast is dead.

My only problem?  It’s the wrong beast. Or, perhaps, not necessarily the wrong beast, but an offspring of the beast that I seek. There’s a part of me that’s disappointed, the part of me that was looking forward to this life-long hunt finally coming to an end. There’s another part of me that is still glad that we killed it, given that it’s another monstrosity like its parent. No doubt it has terrorized Coerthas and the Dravanian Forelands and Twelve only knows how much farther it might range from its place in Dusk Vigil. It was so disturbing even the ghosts there were bothered by it. So, the ending is somewhat bittersweet.

It means that the /real/ Saurotaun is out there still and, given what we saw of her offspring, she’ll be bigger and badder than what we fought and that took just about everything the six of us had: me, Edgard Beaumont, Rae-Hann, Siannault Tavard, and the Twins, V’hala Helsi and V’ari Tia. Ari required major healing as I understand it, enough to make his sister worry about him dying. Siannault suffered some manner of injury. Edgard suffered aether sickness and injuries of his own. Rae-Hann is the only one of us that escaped unscathed, at least, insofar as I know. I don’t really know what that expenditure of aether costs him, so far from home.

While our plan was decent enough and accomplished the job, we’ll need a better idea than what we had to defeat the mother. It’s a daunting proposition. Like I discussed with Rae-Hann and V’hala tonight when they came to check on me, it’s stupid to expect my friends to just sit on the sidelines while I pursue this. They’ll come anyway, regardless of my wishes. A simultaneously endearing and aggravating trait. I love each of them like family and putting them in danger yet again is the last thing I want to do.

Once Rae-Hann left us, V’hala took that as an opportunity to try and explain to me the problem she has with this Fraun, Frond, Fonz… whatever his name is. This man that she’s pretty much an indentured servant to. She tried to warn me that the man was dangerous and somehow connected to the anti-dragon movement that Edgard’s former brother-in-law by Valentina. I assured her that people don’t tend to frighten me.  I’m a monster-hunter by trade.  I know what /real/ monsters look like. People just make vague attempts at it. She told me she had a plan to extricate herself from his control, but it would require someone willing to commit a few acts of underhandedness. I told her I would try and find someone that fit the bill, though no one immediately came to mind.

After Hala left, my first thought was to ask some of the folks over at the Night Raid. Knowing a few of them to be night owls like myself, I went over on the off-chance I might come across someone. Indeed, I did, none other than Nan’to Vaadrage himself. He seemed surprised to see me, which I suppose he had a right to. It’s rare that I go by the Night Raid office when it’s not a Bounty Call night -- something I should really remedy. I spoke with Nan’to briefly about my inquiry for a capable rogue and he seemed to get this mischievous look in his eye about the questionable legality of it all. He said that the Night Raid could possibly provide such a service as Hala needed, but that I would have to discuss the matter with Tetsuro Wulf. In a matter of minutes, Nan’to hashed it out via Tetsuro on his linkpearl, offering me an opening in the kitsune’s schedule a week from now, less a day, in the later evening. I told him I’d have to discuss it with Hala and get back to him.

With the matter dealt with for the time being, Nan’to invited me inside to have some juice since I looked pale and exhausted to him -- it’s fine, since I /felt/ pale and exhausted. Once we were settled in the lounge area I asked after his mode of dress.  Nan’to was in a suit and slacks tonight; I’ve never seen him in anything but Eastern clothing. It was a change, to say the least, not that he looked bad in them. He looked quite fine, honestly. He said he’d gone out to a fancy restaurant and wanted to look the part, I told him that he certainly did.  I don’t doubt that he turned a few heads while he was there.

As we chatted, E’nijah Suzume came in from whatever nocturnal activities he’d been up to and stopped in to say hello to us. I almost feel bad for Edgard, he always has to miss these moments when E’nijah relaxes just the tiniest bit and actually converses. Granted, I know Edgard usually doesn’t let anyone get a word in, but still -- he’ll be upset at another missed opportunity.

The conversation that I had with E’nijah was… both frightening and enlightening. Apparently, I’d done more damage to my aether in the fight against the baby Saurotaun than I realized. According to E’nijah there was aether within me that wasn’t mine, likely more of the excess aether I’d taken from the firmament when I killed the baby Saurotaun, like Rae-Hann had siphoned off from me. Some of it still lingered and was causing some manner of damage to my own aether that threatened to turn me into some creature from the void.

Gods, I’m glad that Edgard /wasn’t/ around to hear any of this. He’d likely be beside himself trying to find someone to help. As it stands, E’nijah and Nan’to both said that their own healers within the Night Raid would be able to help, specifically L’amp Tia and M’yhe Tia. I know both of them, not as well as I do Nan’to or some of the others, but I’ve enough familiarity with L’amp’s expertise as a healer and if E’nijah and Nan’to both recommend M’yhe without hesitation, then I have no reason not to trust him as well.

E’nijah advised finding some manner of potion or restorative to hold my aether stable until the healers can see to me. I plan to go see Raisan Arcmantle at the Shroudrose Teahouse tomorrow to try and discuss that particular matter with him.  With that decided, Nan’to gently insisted in his typically Nan’to way that I stay at the Night Raid HQ until he could be assured that I wasn’t going to turn into something foul. I have to admit, it’s kind of endearing how he and E’nijah both care in their own ways. I think that’s part of the reason that I never hesitate to come here.

That said, I’m settled into an inn room at the Carline Canopy as I write this, so I ought to get to bed so I can see Arcmantle on the morrow.  After that, it’s back to Shirogane and the watchful eye of Toto until I can get seen by the healers.

Right after I linkpearl Edgard and let him know that E’nijah wishes him well and hopes for his swift return.  Maybe not /exactly/ the words E’nijah used, but it will cheer my Ardiot up immensely. Tumblr Mentions @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @yokasaris​ for Rae-Hann @tavard-ffxiv​ for Siannault Tavard @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid Bounty Call and various <NRAID>ers @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @a-little-sun​ for E’nijah Suzume @tea-ffxiv​ for the Shroudrose Teahouse

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal] January 5th, 2021

Edgard Beaumont and I were finally able to have our friends over for dinner.  It’s been moons in planning it feels like, but we finally sat down to a wonderful meal of onigiri and ramen, courtesy of the Rest’s renown chef. Tetsuro Wulf, E’nijah Suzume, and Nan’to Vaadrage joined us as planned, which was just wonderful. E’nijah even ate, which is something I never see him do outside the Night Raid Headquarters.

These three, in particular from the Night Raid, are the ones I feel closest to.  Tetsuro is like an older brother, E’nijah and Nan’to, too, though I’m not altogether sure of their ages, so they might be younger than even I.  Tetsuro, I know is old as dirt, so I can say he’s a big brother figure with authority. I’d say he was a father figure, but he says entirely too racy of comments sometimes to feel very fatherly. 

We had a good time with them though, we ate, we drank, we made merry, and rang in the new year together in good companionship. I really couldn’t ask for better friends.

Speaking of friends, it seems that Valeria Camena has shown up on our doorstep, wounded by a gunshot she claims is by random thugs.  Given what I’ve heard from Rae-Hann, though, I’m disinclined to agree with that assessment. This attack seems targeted, specifically engineered to harm or infect Valeria with some manner of aether-consuming agent. Rae could swear that he saw Valeria’s aether affected by it when the attack happened initially, but when I inspected her myself the following day, there were no signs of any sort of affliction in her aether at all beyond an unusual density. There hasn’t been any more word on that front, though Rae plans to talk to Siannault Tavard about it soon.

Ace Gira was lurking in the inn once we finished with Valeria, he’s apparently in Kugane looking into some kidnappings that have occurred. According to him, it even involves some corrupt Sekaiseigumi officials, which is why these perpetrators haven’t been caught before now.  My largest concern with him, though, is this soulstone he insists on carrying around. By his own admission, it takes possession of his personality, even his actions, to the point that he can’t recall what goes on. I don’t believe for a second that these are acts of benevolence. There’s something inherently /wrong/ with that stone, but in typical male fashion, Ace refuses to listen.

After talking with Rae-Hann earlier, though, I plan to see Siannault soon, if for nothing more than to apologize. I know after our last encounter I’m not exactly his favorite person right now. I just wish he’d /stop/ treating me like I’m a child that needs protecting. Gods, I didn’t put up with that shite from Lorrendor, I’m hardly going to put up with it from someone else.

I swear by every god that most of the men older than me are content to treat me like I’m some little girl to pat on the head and send about her business. It’s like I haven’t spent the last twenty-some-odd years of my life as a huntress that lived and breathed within the shadow of the Hunt from the time she could walk. I’ve encountered the weird and the wonderful, the painful and the pleasurable, the light and the dark. I’m not some prim maiden that’s been cloistered behind mother’s skirts, gently reared, so that the biggest threat in her life is a pin-prick from her embroidery. For Twelves’ sake, give me /some/ credit, gentlemen! And yet these same men will turn right around and throw themselves headlong into danger and act like I’m just supposed to accept that that’s the way they are without questioning them. Double-standard much, gents?  I’m supposed to accept how YOU are, but you don’t accept how I am:  a skilled huntress that knows her business who doesn’t lie when our lives -- all of our lives here at the Rest -- are on the line. This isn’t just about V’hala Helsi anymore  I have no illusions that Fraus likely knows who we are and exactly where Hala is by now. It’s just a matter of time before the fight comes to us. Rae-Hann has said that he and Siannault will have nothing more to do with it, which is honestly disappointing. I swear by every god, I don’t know what it is with people and running /away/ from their problems, like that’s somehow going to help. If the door falls off the front of the house, what do they do?  Just run away and move to a new house?  I think most of them probably would, instead of doing the sensible thing and calling on a carpenter, helping them to repair it.  Nope, just easier to pack it all in and move off somewhere else. Sometimes, you just want to give your Found Family a swift kick in the-- The words trail off here, as if the writer got distracted at the last moment. Tumblr Mentions @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @a-little-sun​ for E’nijah Suzume @yokasaris​ for Rae-Hann @tavard-ffxiv​ for Siannault Tavard

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal] January 8th, 2021

Another wonderful evening at the Night Raid Bounty Call, spent awash in friends both familiar and new.  It was another busy night, so I didn’t linger in the lobby to pester Nan’to and E’nijah, though I did pause long enough to tease Sakura Sato and Tetsuro Wulf.  As it so happens, they rented the Water Garden during the Rest’s last public tavern night and we were paid far in excess of what was necessary. I found out why!  

The little nook-bed had been absolutely destroyed.  I don’t know /what/ those two had gotten up to to cause that kind of damage, but I made it a point to tease them about bringing bears into the Rest without telling me. I’m not sure what made those claw marks, but it was certainly something. Tetsuro got all flustered before Sakura politely demurred and dragged him off down into the Night Raid’s lounge.  Ah… it was almost too easy with those two!

Downstairs, I got my usuals and settled in for a night of snacks and drinking on my own, but lo and behold I was joined by one Moretsu Saito, a samurai of Doma. It was his first time at the Bounty Call and he felt that he should meet some people. Well, meet some people he did!  He told me of the bounty that he took, a yokai called the Chimi Beast, and was looking for other hunters to partner with.  I volunteered my healing services and recommended some of the hunters I’d worked with at the Bounty Call, namely Loksia Grimheart, and several of the aforementioned Night Raiders.  I also recommended he talk to Tetsuro himself for information on yokai and how to deal with them.

As it turns out, Moretsu himself was a yokai-hunter so he knew already many of the things I had to suggest, like getting his weapons blessed. Still, toward the end of the night he spoke to Tetsuro and even invited him on the hunt.  So, now I’ll be going hunting with Tetsuro, the newcomer, Loksia, and a couple of Moretsu’s friends, I think.  I have never gone on a hunt with Tetsuro and I haven’t had the chance to work with Loksia in a long time, though I know she’s more than capable.  She’s a Queen of the Ring and Grindstone Champion, after all.  It should be an interesting time.

Somewhere in the middle of that, we discussed going to the Lunar Beach Party tomorrow.  I certainly plan on attending. It’s been a long while since I’ve been to the beach, despite living not far from it at the Stars’ Rest.  So I plan to put on my favorite bikini and put in an appearance!  It’s a sad thing that Edgard will probably be busy, otherwise he’d thoroughly enjoy an opportunity to ogle me in a bikini.  Although, really, all he has to do is ask if he really wants to -- but I suppose he wouldn’t be able to do it in front of dozens of people and make a spectacle out of it, which totally ruins it for him.  Idiot.

After I left the Bounty Call, though, Edgard Beaumont and I left for Coerthas to deal with the bounty he’d taken.  He’d finally tracked the Ishgardian Poachers to their hunting grounds -- I’m really so very proud that his tracking skills have come so far -- and was ready to engage them head-on.  So that’s what we did. What we weren’t expecting is for them to have a dragon cornered when we did so.

The dragon lashed out at its attackers, burning them, and sending a few of them screaming. When Edgard dropped me off, I opened up with a spell that dropped a veritable star in their midst in the hopes of blinding them as Edgard attacked. It was effective and Edgard’s first assault was successful, but that’s really where it ended.  Edgard froze mid-battle.  I’ve never seen that happen to him in all the hunts we’ve been on and we’ve hunted some terrifying things in our time, he’s never once hesitated.  When he started moving again, he was ruthless, reckless, brutal -- it was an Edgard I’ve never before seen and, if I’m absolutely truthful with myself, I never want to see again.  I didn’t have time to deal with it just then, though, there were poachers to finish.

As we cleaned up the remaining poachers, Edgard froze again as the dragon unleashed a gusset of flame setting another of the poachers on fire. I started to go to him then, haphazardly tossing spells at the last poacher left standing, but I was careless.  The man was still alive when I turned and he threw a spear at my unprotected back.  I was saved, not by myself, not by Edgard -- but by the dragon who shielded me from the attack with his own body, then tail-swiped the poacher into the cliffside where the wicked man finally died.

The dragon eventually introduced himself as Verdandir and he seemed as surprised at us saving him as we were surprised by him saving us -- or, well, me.  In repayment, I made it a point to heal him from the bolt he’d taken from one of the dragon-killers the poachers had been using.  Edgard pulled it out and kept Verdandir talking while I used my magic to heal the wound.  I don’t know what it is about healing something that massive, but it took a lot out of me. By the time I was done, I felt so exhausted.  We exchanged a few more pleasantries with the dragon before it flew off for home.

Edgard picked me up in his arms and leapt with me to our cabin in Tailfeather.  It was there that I insisted he talk to me about what was going on with him, even as he fussed over me, ensured I was fed and had tea to keep up my energy, and was just -- very typically my Ardi-love.  Once he was settled, we talked for quite a while about his trauma concerning Valentina and dragons, how he’d truly become a dragoon, and how it had affected him.

I offered an idea I’d picked up in Tailfeather when a hunter had developed a fear of chocobo.  They’d called it “exposure therapy” and I thought that, perhaps, we might do the same with Edgard and dragons -- provided Verdandir was willing to help. The only problem was that it was the smell of burning flesh that had bothered Edgard the most.  There was no way we were going to find volunteers to help with that.  Or… were we?  Not volunteers, per say, but there were a number of bounties at the Call that were for people.  More often than not, the turn in was /not/ body parts, but particular items that they carry.  It would be an ideal way to dispose of the bodies /and/ condition Edgard so that he wouldn’t freeze up anymore.

Edgard, bless his heart… He seemed appalled by the idea, even nervous about it.  He’s a good soul that should have qualms about burning bodies for experimentation.  Why don’t I have any qualms?  Because it’s something that has the potential to help Edgard get through this.  And I would fight the very Darkness itself if it means that my beloved can once more walk in the Light.

[casualcatte]

All-Weather Friends Featuring: Edgard Beaumont, Nan’to Vaadrage, Tetsuro Wulf, E’nijah Suzume, and Aultena Sephimiri

Some people have fair-weather friends who are only ever there when times are good.  Me?  I have all-weather friends who are there for me no matter how stormy things may get... Tumblr Mentions @therpperson for Edgard Beaumont @tetsuro-wulf for Tetsuro Wulf @a-little-sun for E’nijah Suzume

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal]  January 7th, 2021

Edgard Beaumont proposed.

Given the way our relationship started, I never would have guessed we’d have ended up this way. Gods, he was such an idiot. I suppose he technically still is, but at least he’s my idiot. And he’s been trying to be more genuine with people, so they see more than just the fool. Beneath his masks, he’s really a wonderful person with his own share of scars. 

When I agreed to let him be my hunting partner, I originally meant to humble him to show his ego that he’s not everything he makes himself out to be. Instead, I found someone who was as confident and reliable as I could ever want. He followed my lead without question, had faith in my ability, and -- best of all -- didn’t shove me behind him to “protect” me whenever things got dicey. He trusted me.  And, for me at least, trust is monumental. 

I think that was what began my journey to really understanding who and how he is. That first hunt against the Twintails. It’s always been said you can tell much about fighting someone, you can tell just as much by hunting with them. How they react and how they treat you on the hunt tells you much about their personality and how they *genuinely* view you in the long run. Edgard trusted me, had faith in me, and -- honestly -- I think he might have admired me a little, even then, though he’d never admit that. 

Sakes, I could go on for ages about that idiot and his merits, but suffice to say, I accepted his proposal. Though, later when he publicly proposed at the Stars Rest Tavern Night I couldn’t help but publicly say “No way” -- before I accepted. Not that anyone had any doubt that I would, even with that. It was a wonderful moment to share with our regular patrons and our dearest friends. 

Nan’to Vaaderage looked comfortable and at-home in the inn when I found him tonight. He said he’d gone for a walk and that his footsteps had led him here. It warms my heart that so many of our friends are looking to the Rest as a second home, that’s really the whole point -- to provide a safe-haven when people need it. He’d come to read, but instead he found me.  We had a wonderful little chat about friendship and our gratitude for our friends, but I can’t help but feel there was something else.  Something more. 

Toto hasn’t been sleeping well and has had a headache enough to keep him wakeful. I gave him some potion we had in the infirmary to help with it, I can only hope it does. I worry for him, that maybe he spreads himself too thinly sometimes, but -- I can hardly blame him. There are moments when I feel like I have too much on my plate, but thankfully they’re fleeting.

I try to ensure I have moments like these, safe and comfortable among my friends, just as much as I have work on the Hunt, work for the inn, or work solving the seemingly endless troubles of my friends and Companymates.  Balance, of course, is part and parcel of an Astrologian’s studies, so I suppose that’s where some of it comes from. Tumblr Mentions @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @starsrest-ffxiv​ for the Stars Rest Inn & Tavern

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RP Journal: 09/04 and 09/05/2020

(( And we’re back!  Hopefully you guys haven’t been missing these too much!  I hope to get back to our regularly scheduled journal spam now that things have settled down at home. So sorry for the lull! )) Edgard Beaumont and I spoke some weeks ago about going back to Ishgard so that he might visit the grave of his beloved Valentina, to try and find some closure and forgiveness within himself so that he might move forward with his life. I never expected between then and now how that advice would seemingly be the spur that broke him free of his static existence. Like with anything he does, Ardi doesn’t do things by halves. He moved on -- and did it with a glut of excess that the whirlwind of it leaves me laughing.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to anyone that knows the pair of us that our friendship has progressed to a proper relationship. The night before last, he even let it slip that he loves me. Honestly… I hadn’t expected to hear it, not for a while, certainly not before he went to see Valentina. It caught me off-guard, it was so unexpected. The words came from him so naturally, literally right in the middle of a conversation we were having /about/ Valentina.  (Courtesy cut for length)

“I just love you both in different ways…”  Just like that, as easy as you please. It only seemed to dawn on him a few moments later and he almost seemed to balk and want to backpedal. I laughingly told him that he couldn’t very well take it back now that it had been said. I went on to say that I loved him, too. Somewhere along the way, this great, hammy idiot had wormed his way into my heart without me even realizing it. I’m happier when I’m with him, more confident; whatever I am is made better by being around him.

For the first time since my parents died, I look ahead to my future, the fight with the Saurotaun, and I allow myself to see beyond it.  To believe I have a future past it.  I don’t look ahead and foresee my death, I see the possibility of a life outside the shadow of this Hunt. What will I do? Where will I go? I’ll be free of the chains of vengeance at last. 

I’ve even enlisted the help of Tetsuro Wulf and the Night Raid. Something I would have never done before out of pride and stubbornness. It warmed my heart that M’yhe Tia and Sumiko Rijin readily volunteered when I asked them for their help with the Saurotaun.  Naturally, though, the decision lay with Tetsuro.  He reservedly agreed, provided I gave him more information. I told him I would as soon as I finished the expedition into Dusk Vigil. If this is, indeed, the lair of the Saurotaun then it would fall to observing the beast for a while to see what its habits were.

Given that Lorrendor Hauland has effectively written himself out of my life -- again via a letter mailed from Ul’dah -- I had need of a fourth for the expedition so it was Sumiko who volunteered to fill the gap.  Along with Edgard and Rae-Hann, that would make a fairly tidy party, though I’m not sure yet of Sumiko’s capability. I’m sure Her Grace will do well enough, she’s a Raider, after all and a curiosity to be sure. At some point I’ll have to ask her about that.  I don’t really buy into Nan’to Vaadrage’s story that it’s just a feigned title. There was deference from that guard, not jesting. 

Still, it’s neither here nor there for the moment. There are larger things afoot, like the planned visit to Valentina’s grave. Edgard was there, of course, as well as Edmond Beaumont, his twin. I’ve long since forgiven Edmond his transgressions, my temper long since cooled. I’ve never been one to linger long in my rages, so his presence was a welcome enough one. I know Edgard appreciated the support. 

It went as well as you would expect that sort of thing to go. There were tears and emotions were raw. I couldn’t share in the Beaumonts’ grief, having never known Valentina, but I could at least reassure her that I would look after them both. While Edgard seemingly has found his footing and a way forward, Edmond continues to seem mired in Ul’dah and whatever troubles he’s gotten himself into there. I even had to take the time to heal some injuries that he’d taken from a water siren of all things!

I knew enough from my lessons with Rae-Hann that feeding something your personal aether was a dangerous risk, I told Edmond as much, though as a physician he should know better. Edgard and I both agreed that we’d find some water-aspected crystals to bring him so that he might feed the siren those instead of his own aether. It stands to reason that a water siren would prefer water-aspected aether.  I can only hope that’s the case.  

We parted ways, but not before reassuring Edmond that he wasn’t as alone as he seemed to believe. The three of us hugged and, admittedly, it was a nice moment. I never wanted to be at odds with Edmond, so it was good to finally be able to bridge that gap once more.  If only every friendship were so easy to repair, some decisions, however, are completely out of my hands.

Edgard and I returned to the Forgotten Knight, it was too long a trip to go anywhere else tonight and after such an emotionally exhausting ordeal I’m sure he greatly needed some quiet and comfort. So that’s what I gave him. Tomorrow would be a new day and, perhaps, a new start with a clean slate. Tumblr Mentions @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @timetravelandcandy​ for Sumiko Rijin @yokasaris​ for Rae-Hann @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid and Night Raid Bounty Call

[casualcatte]

RP Journal: 08/15/2020

The Hunter’s Haven was every bit of fun that I could have dreamed it to be. There was laughter, food, friends, fun flirtation, I haven’t cut loose like that in a long time and it felt /so/ damned good. I have to admit R’zunh Tia cleans up pretty well, dancing with him was pretty fun, he’s so energetic!  

(Courtesy cut for length!)

Listening to the songstress Orghana Bolir was quite the experience! Her song choices, her dancing were captivating, I felt like I was enthralled by some manner of spell so elegant was the way she wove motion and word together into a beautiful tapestry of art. Even Tetsuro Wulf got on stage and really wailed on that shamisen of his. We were all on our feet dancing before his set was done. Zunh even made it a point to put his arm around me to dance with me at one point, which is how I came to know how energetic he is. 

When he said we’d have to dance again, I told him that it was just an excuse for him to get his arms around me again, to which he responded by just putting an arm around me right then and there.  “I don’t /need/ an excuse,” he proclaimed. Gods, I swear he’s almost as bad as Edgard, although the elezen doesn’t really take liberties with my person like Zunh!  I still laughed, because like Edgard I know he’s in no way serious.

Hunters went on to tell tales of their mighty hunts, first up being Valera Laurent and her hunt against some ice golems in Coerthas. Oschon’s Hearty Soles, that woman can weave an entertaining tale!  I laughed almost as much at her as I had the whole evening.

Zunh went next, telling the tale of their hunt for the mylodon, also in Coerthas.  Although, in it he told us that poor Yihmu’ra Yotku had perished -- when he was right there in the room with us. It didn’t seem to sit too well with Mu’ra, but the joke carried on for the rest of the night that Mu’ra was simply a ghost.

We then heard from Sumiko Rijin who told an amazing tale about fighting against Alexander, the great robot thing out near Idyllshire. I can’t believe she went up against it!  I’ve only heard about it in tales from other hunters but it sounds like a pretty mean scrap to get through -- no pun intended, given it’s a bunch of metal robots and goblins. If I understood her tale right, though, she claims that she’s from the future?  Or… is it the past?  Some manner of time-travel. That couldn’t be real, could it?

Nan’to Vaadrage went next and told a curious tale about ice fishing. It was creepy and mysterious… /and ended in the middle of nowhere./  Who was the man in the ice?!  Inquiring minds want to know!  I swear, he’s the /worst/ most /infuriating/ storyteller ever.

Then, of course, they had to hear from me. I told them the tale of the Twintails as animatedly as I could, which was the end of the night’s tale-spinning. I might have embellished -- a little. No doubt had Edgard been there he would’ve either interrupted to correct me or gotten up there himself to tell the tale. He wasn’t here, though, so the story was /mine/ to tell and tell it I did!  It reminded me of so many nights in the tavern in Tailfeather, when the hunters would all come in after a day’s hunting and those who had success would weave their tales and those who had failure got deeply in their cups. Gods, it felt so much like home. So much like family.

After the tales were told, ways began to part, but I stayed after to help clean up and enjoy some tasty fruit sandwiches for dessert that Tetsuro made for us!  I got to spend some more time with Nan’to, along with M’yhe Tia and Ninka’ir Tayuun.  Oh, and Edgard Beaumont who finally put in a late appearance, too late to save his reputation, but enough time to have dessert.

It was a nice, mellow way to end the night. Again, though, I couldn’t help but notice that Edgard got a little...edgy when he heard that I’d hugged someone else. Or, heaven forbid, when he saw me hug Zunh.  I hadn’t even realized he was there at that point. Not that it matters, because Edgard isn’t serious.  

When the Dessert Afterparty wound down, I took a big box of leftovers from Nan’to and Tetsuro before making my way home. I had to stop at the docks outside Shirogane once the ferry dropped me off. I was feeling a bit queasy, I think I’d had too much to drink, too much to eat, and none of it appreciated a boat ride!

Of course Edgard found me there on his own way out of Shirogane, so he sat with me a while and we talked. There was Banter, because there’s always Banter. We talked about how nice it was when people were sincerely interested and affectionate with us. He doesn’t know what to do about it.  I just enjoy it, because it reminds me that life is worth living.  When the hunters gave out hugs galore at the Haven, I felt very blessed, very fortunate to have found my way there. The outpouring of camaraderie and friendly affection was just… real and honest.

We spoke of Mu-Onna. It’s clear both of us are frustrated with her situation and how helpless the both of us feel. There’s nothing for it, though, and neither of us like to dwell on it.

I admit that Edgard surprises me on occasion. He brought up Tristane very, very gently, wanting to know how I’d moved on from him and what to do about it. I admitted to him that if there’s anything my conversation with Lorrendor taught me, it’s that I’m not as over Tris as I think.  I’m over my love for him and his death, but I planned /so/ much of my future around him that I simply don’t know where to go from here. It’s been six years and I’ve gone along, mindlessly chasing the Saurotaun and the Hunt, doing my best /not/ to think of the life we’d planned and how it was all dashed to pieces. I gave my life no more thought than the next hunt or the next meal. I told Edgard as much. I had no thoughts for my future -- if I even lived to see it.

It was then that he told me something that -- for some reason -- struck a chord in me that I didn’t even know existed. He told me that if I hunted with him, then I would live long enough. The idiot doesn’t even know what he’s volunteering for, not really. The Saurotaun slaughtered an entire party of experienced Hunters, Veterans of the Hunt that Edgard and I don’t even hold a candle to. I had to ask him.  I /had/ to.  Knowing the risks, the danger, would he still go?

I more than expected him to laugh it off. Of course not!  He wasn’t going to risk his life for me, some silly blue catte!  What kind of person did I take him for?  He wasn’t some white knight hero any more than I was a damsel in distress. There was no way on the whole of Eorzea that he was going to put his life on the line for mine. Why would he?

“I thought that much was obvious,” he said. Was it though? Or was it just more of his bluster, more of his song and dance to prove how much of a dashing dragoon he was? This was the one Hunt that wasn’t a joke to me, if he knew how much it meant, it was no laughing matter. I told him as much. I didn’t want to count on him if it wasn’t sincere. 

And then I realized. He wasn’t talking about the Saurotaun. He was just talking about hunting. Gods, I felt so stupid. And… strangely disappointed. I don’t even know why. It’s a ridiculous expectation to have. I don’t know why I even thought he was making some grand gesture. I think I definitely had too much to drink tonight.

Before he left, Edgard asked about the gemstones in the feather ornament I gave him for his first successful hunt as a hunter. I told him that the blue ones were for me, the purple and white for him. He seemed genuinely surprised and pleased by the revelation. I would’ve expected some quip about it being a sign of my undying love. And he seemed to /want/ those colors to represent us, from the way he spoke about overthinking it. He’s such a conundrum sometimes, that Ishgardian.  I don’t know that I’ll ever figure him out.  He’s so mercurial. Mentions @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid Bounty Call & Hunter’s Haven @definefandom​ for R’zunh Tia @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @orghanabolir​ for Orghana Bolir @timetravelandcandy for Sumiko Raijin @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

And a whole lot of other people I don’t know Tumblrs for!

[casualcatte]

RP Journal 08/21/2020

My week is never complete until I make it out to the Night Raid Bounty Call. I was especially excited to get there early this week, because the flyers specifically mentioned an Elite Hunt that would be available to the first five volunteers that signed on. It should’ve been a given that I would be among the first in line. I’m intrigued to see how this works. Four hunters I know mostly nothing about, except for Loksia Grimheart, though I can’t really say I’ve seen much of her hunting style beyond charging in and keeping a quarry busy. 

(Courtesy cut for length)

I know Tetsuro Wulf said that it was going to be down in Pharos Sirius somewhere, so that will be interesting, to say the least. Since I didn't’ have a hunt to turn in for the week, that was really it for me. Imagine my surprise, though, when Edgard Beaumont wandered in the door, searched the bounty board, and signed himself up for a hunt. Just like that.  

I had to laugh at him a little, teasing that he thought he was big enough to go hunting on his own now.  We hadn’t even hunted Corrupted Colours yet, but here he was raring to blood himself on the next one. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say dear Ardi has been bitten by the hunting bug. I’m surprised he didn’t sign up for the Elite when it was offered. I think, though, even his ego knows he’s not quite ready for something on that level. 

Once we were all done with our turn ins and pick ups, Loksia, Edgard, and I hung out downstairs, having a bite to eat and some drinks. Somewhere along the line, Edgard got pretty deeply in his cups, since they were giving him straight bourbon instead of the ale he’d asked for. The man didn’t even have sense to pace himself. Just down it went. 

While he was inebriated, I took the chance to ask him a few personal questions purely out of fun. Naturally, his best memory was of Valentina, which I more than expected.  It was of his wedding day, which I would hope would stand out as a truly good memory.  It made me glad for him. He seems to be able to speak of Valentina now with joy and not so much sorrow. I don’t know what’s prompted this acceptance, but I’m hoping it will make things easier for him when we go to visit her graveside.

I went on to ask him what the most important thing he owned was.  I more than expected him to go on about his lance and all the suggestive variants he could some up with about it.  But he didn’t.  He… genuinely surprised me when he said it was the trophy I’d given him for the Twintails hunt. It’s still always braided into his hair, right where I left it. When he thinks no one is looking, I can see him touch it on occasion. He said he’d never been given something so meaningful. I was genuinely touched that it meant so much to him.

I finally asked him if he could be anything other than a dragoon, what would it be?  He confessed to me that he wanted to be a chef -- that it was something even Edmond didn’t know about him. The man working the kitchen overheard and invited Edgard, then and there, to go and cook for him in their kitchen.  The man asked him to make steak, vegetables, and mashed potatoes.  Well, drunken Edgard made him an omelet.  From the way the man gobbled it up, I’d say it was a fairly tasty omelet at least.

I didn’t pay attention to too much more after a point, because I could definitely hear the sounds of some hunter giving Nan’to Vaadrage a hard time upstairs. I took myself up to the top of the stairs, leaning against the bounty board as I just -- kept an eye on things. There was something about the man he was dealing with that made the fur of my tail stand on end. I swear by every God, if he’d harmed a hair on Nan’to’s head I’d have put an arrow through his eye before you could say Oschon.

Once I knew Nan’to was all right, it was past closing time and time to collect Edgard and get him somewhere safe. There was no way he was making it back to Kugane and the Bokairo, so I took him by the Stars’ Rest Inn.  There, I made him a pot of coffee and we talked.  At some point he said something about getting me drunk to learn all my secrets.  I asked him why that was necessary, sober Tena would tell him just as much as drunk Tena.  

I’ve ever been honest with my friends. And especially with long-term hunting partners. If you can’t trust them, then who can you trust?  I haven’t done anything I’m particularly ashamed of.  Embarrassing?  Sure.  Questionable?  Undoubtedly.  But something that shames me so deeply that I have to keep it a deep, dark secret?  Not really.

So, Ardi started asking questions. I answered and he gave some insight to himself in return. I admit, it was really nice and I don’t think I’ve been that relaxed in a long time. Just sitting there by the fire, sipping coffee, talking about everything and nothing. I even used him as a footrest at one point and he just rolled along with it, like we’ve just been the best of friends forever. Ugh, he can even apparently read the tells in my ears and tails a little.  He’s not entirely accurate, but it’s clear that he’s learning. Trying to maintain my concentration to keep my ears flat and tail still would be way too much work, so it’s just something I’m going to have to learn to accept when I’m around him because he will unerringly point them out when they happen. 

I referred to him as my partner at some point in the conversation. He acted like that surprised him that I considered him thus. I mean, the man is fixing to go on a fairly dangerous hunt with me tomorrow, so I can’t really consider him some base-born flunkie that’s just along to gawk at the animals.  Well, I suppose I /could/ but I need a partner to watch my back more than I need an audience. He seemed genuinely pleased, though, being considered thus. 

I know I’ve spent a number of nights in Edgard’s company, but somehow this felt different. Maybe it’s because he was drunk, I dunno. I just felt relaxed and without my walls for once. I never realize how thickly I build them until I don’t have to keep them up anymore. I had fun and I laughed, I even flirted back on occasion, there was a tickle war somewhere in there -- I won.  It was just… fun and… wholesome.  Which is weird considering Ardi’s involved, I know.

He was starting to fall asleep right there on the couch in the common area, so I got him a blanket and tucked him in. I’ll just hope he doesn’t remember anything after that.

[casualcatte]

RP Journal 8/24 and 8/25/2020

08/24/2020

The Bounty Call Elite Hunt was today and I was /severely/ disappointed in my own performance. Everyone else that came along with us was splendid, but for my own part -- Gods, I think my parents are turning over in their graves in shame. I’ve lived and breathed the Hunt since I could walk, yet I couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn today if my life depended on it. It was likely the fault of the aetheric blast I took immediately after I drew first blood on the beast, so I really shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Nan’to Vaadrage told me as much when we returned to Headquarters.

(Courtesy cut for length -- and for you to get your tissues!)

Regardless of my poor performance, we managed to take down the Elite Hunt with only a modicum of trouble. For a short while, it seemed like no one could get a blow to land on the beast until I landed that attack. After that, the others seemed to rally and fight all the harder -- while I mostly stayed behind a rock and tried not to puke my guts out like Zanshin Kutabare.

It was curious to see Loksia Grimheart with a bow, considering that when we’d gone hunting for coral she’d opted for a sword and shield. A woman of many talents, that. The others, Azazel Hasegawa and Ryza Eclipse I’d never before met, but they both did well between their various magicks. Still, I was glad to finally see the beast go down.

I stayed long enough to have a celebratory drink with everyone, then I stumbled off home. I wasn’t badly injured, but aetheric bullshit always messes with me. Gods, to say nothing of the two aetheryte trips. I know I’m trying to learn Astromancy and all, but some days I really, really hate aetherical magic.

I’m not sure how, but I managed to make it home, get cleaned up and changed out of my hunting leathers before falling face-first in my couch. Lorrendor, I knew, had gone back to Ul’dah, but I had no idea where that dragoon, Edgard Beaumont had gone. All I knew was that I was exhausted and had to rest.

The remainder of the night, I’m told, was passed in a fevered haze as the after-effects of the aether poisoning got to me. I don’t know what I said or what I did, but I have a feeling that I was a lot of trouble for Ardi.  Between you and I, journal, I was touched that he stayed right next to me, sitting on the floor beside the sofa, watching over me all night. 

Wilbur, a porxie familiar that was gifted to me by Rae-Hann, apparently put in an appearance when I started to have nightmares. He siphoned away the excess aether and that seemed to help me a fair bit. I’m sure that it was just a fever-dream, but I recall waking at one point with Edgard’s arms around me as he held me close, telling me that everything was going to be okay, that I was safe at home in my cabin. My face was wet from tears and I felt like I’d been screaming. The nightmares Wilbur took away must have been severe. I don’t remember much else except for a pink book that Ardi kept hiding.  Why would he need to hide a book?

I slept.  And this time I didn’t dream.

8/25/2020

When next I awoke, I sent Edgard off to get some fresh air and to stretch his muscles.  As I mentioned, he’d sat on the floor all night watching over me as I slept. No doubt that man was achy and in need of some activity.  While he was gone, I gingerly made my way to the bath and gave myself the promised soak I’d meant to have when I got home, but skipped in deference to sleep.  Once more dressed and ready to face the world, I settled back into my comforter nest on the sofa that Edgard had made me and read one of the books he’d left to keep me entertained, along with a cup of tea and some medicine to help with the nausea.

It was thus that I was found by Lorrendor Hauland when he came to visit. I was surprised to see him come all the way from Ul’dah, given that our last encounter had been… unsettling to say the least. I can’t really tell you what happened between then and now, but this Lorrendor was a different man entirely.

Have I not said before that every encounter with this man feels like it’s with a different person?  Today was no different.  This was a Lorrendor who was stiff and austere, emotionless save for the one point he laughed when I proclaimed him an automaton. He fetched me tea, he was exceedingly polite and complimentary. I told him at one point I half expected to hear him replying with “Yes, Mistress” and “Whatever you wish, Mistress” to everything I said ere long.

He kept saying that he was “Lorrendor as he should have been instead of the Lorrendor he became.”  So this was another version, another mask, as he tried to tamp down his love for me and simply be my friend. Sometimes it makes me wonder if the man has ever lived an honest life and if anyone knows who he truly is?  The many Lorrendors I know may be nothing at all like the Lorrendor that Loksia knows or anyone else among his friends.  There’s really no telling and there’s really no comparing notes.  I don’t know the man.  I’m not sure I ever will.  He doesn’t trust me enough to be himself around me and I don’t trust him enough /because/ he chooses to hide.

Still, I owe it to him to bring him with me into Dusk Vigil when I go. We’d tracked the Saurotaun to the ruin and think that it may be a lair for it, so that alone is worth investigating. He suggested I bring along people I trust.  Naturally, Edgard as my hunting partner, and Rae-Hann as my closest friend, and after some debate, Lorrendor.  He’d brought me this information to begin with, the least I could let him do was see it through to the end with me.

Somewhere during this conversation, Ardi returned from his walk. When I queried why he’d been gone so long, he said he’d gotten “distracted” then he tried to hide the same pink book he’d had yesterday behind his back. I tried to get it from him a number of times, even tried to get Lorrendor to fetch it when Ardi threw it across the room, alas.  Neither of us could foil that wily dragoon when he’s of a mind he has a secret to keep. 

With Edgard present, we discussed the plan for Dusk Vigil again and the dragoon recommended we make it a scouting mission in case the monstrosity was at home. If we saw it, we would retreat and come back with a more tactical plan. Part of me rankled at being made to wait, especially if it was /right there/ but I knew better than to argue. Certainly not with /both/ he and Lorrendor there.  

Eventually, Ardi and I settled into our usual banter with Lorrendor chastizing us both as children -- though this time we /were/ being pretty childish -- but all of us laughed and had some fun, I think.  Lorrendor needed to catch the last flight from Ishgard to Ul’dah, so he took his leave. 

Which left just Edgard and I.  Again, I tried to get the secret of the pink book out of him, but he refused to tell.  He made me another cup of tea and we talked, as we often do.  I pointed out to him that he seemed much more relaxed that he had when he first arrived in Kugane after his fight with Edmond. He seemed more at peace with himself, that whatever chains holding him down had broken and now he had a chance to soar -- but had no idea how to use his wings.

He told me that I’d helped him a great deal, that he’s actually excited when he wakes up in the morning. And in this excitement he gave me a linkpearl, so that we could talk even when we’re apart. It’s a silly, common thing that everyone uses, but it felt meaningful coming from him. Naturally, I had to tease him about it, though, saying that he just wanted to whisper sweet nothings into my ear whenever he wanted. 

He inferred then that Something Happened last night in my fevered delirium.  He refused to tell me though, saying that something so /intimate/ was meant to be kept a secret. It worried me.  Had I said or done something inappropriate?  I think I would know, physically, if I’d slept with him and I didn’t really feel that was the case. Idiot, of course he’d delight in worrying me like that.

Still, when I demurred that I didn’t do much of anything for him, he said that I was one of few people who took him seriously, outside of his brother.  I listen to him and he feels like he can talk to me about anything. That I could be trusted with his problems. It was heartwarming to be so trusted and I reassured him that I would always be there for him as long as he wanted.

It was then that his mood shifted somewhat and he told me that he was finally ready to go to Valentina’s graveside, to finally find the closure with her that his heart and his soul both needed. He asked me again if I would still go with him.  And my answer was of course, I’d promised him that I would. For the first time since I’d know him, I saw fear ripple through Edgard.  Fear, uncertainty, and a vulnerability that made my heart ache for him. 

I sat next to him, leaning into his side, just to give him a real, living presence to comfort him in such a troubled moment.  I reassured him that he wasn’t alone.  He would never be, so long as I drew breath.  When next he looked at me, his eyes captured and held me within their blue crystalline depths. It was in those depths that I could see … longing. Like a moth to a flame I was drawn to it, enchanted by it -- for a moment, I reached out to that flame…

Before I came to my godsdamned senses!  I made my excuses to leave, claiming I needed sleep in my own bed and I left the room. Ardi seemed bewildered and confused, it made my heart ache.  I couldn’t believe I’d gotten that close to going against my own expectations. I can’t.  I can’t do to him what Tristane did to me. I don’t want to hurt him. I was angry and disappointed in myself for not minding my /own/ boundaries. 

As I sat in my room, rebuking myself for my behavior.  I heard him talking to himself on the other side of the wall.  What I heard, what he said, made my heart hurt all the more. Part of me wanted to go to him, to reassure him, but I knew it was better for us both to remain silent. The Hunt must always be first in my heart.  Until it is done, I can’t… I won’t put anyone in the position to love me only for me to die.  I knew that pain once and I swore I would never inflict it on anyone else.

What do I do now?  How do I act?  I never meant for things to get this far. Somewhere, somehow… what wasn’t serious became serious.  If I deny his feelings like I did Lorrendor, will he do the same thing?  Turn into some emotionless marionette, just going through the song and dance of friendship?  I don’t know that I could take that.  Ardi is a source of joy to me and a good partner. I don’t… I don’t want to have to be without him.

Why does making the right choice have to be so goddamned hard?

[nightraid-hq]

✬NIGHTRAID <NRAID> IS RECRUITING!✬

“We take the jobs that others may not wish to take. We face the forces that others cannot face." 

✬ Server: Coeurl ✬ Leader: Tetsuro Wulf ✬ Officers: E'nijah Suzume, Nan'to Vaadrage ✬ FC Type: Medium-Heavy RP ✬ RP Intensity: ★★★★★ ✬ Active Times: Mostly EST/Evenings ✬ Alignment: Choatic Neutral ✬ Restrictions: 18+ to apply, OOC/IC Website: https://nightraid.carrd.co/ Bounty Call Board: https://nightraidbounties.carrd.co/ General Information About NRAID: NightRaid is a combat and story oriented Free Company established in the Far East, whilst primarily identified as an organization of bounty hunters and mercenaries, we employ a wide array of individuals that emerge from all walks of life seeking for work and home. The purpose of the company as well is for those looking to seek penance and start anew, while developing discipline and self-growth. NightRaid is no stranger to the nature and world of the supernatural, such as Yokai, be them on terms as foe or ally, a lot of the companies dealings associate with beings beyond our world.The company is not limited to bounty work, provided we also take most odd jobs and host events focused on entertainment gigs for extra cash! Events such as: Karaoke Night, Holiday Events, Hunting Trips, Host Clubs, Brawling, Parties, Mingles and Get Togethers, Storytelling, Games, Feasts, Tournaments, Meditation, etc. ✬ Our ranks aren't limited to hunters, we are looking for more Healers, Chefs, Guards, Smiths, Exorcists, etc!  ✬ READ WEBSITE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON OUR COMPANY!

[nightraid-hq]

Bunny Cafe & Host Club

STARTING TONIGHT AT 9PM EST! That's right, our NRAID bunny entertainment is BACK with host clubbing for the majority who have yet to be serviced and entertained by our very own bunnies, but this time at Dragon Tear's Cafe! We've managed to redecorate for the sake of these events returning. Each client will be wined and dined by our bunny hosts to their liking and given their undivided attention. We will have a playlist suited for this event playing in the background for those who wish to join us in the music channel! Bunny Auctioning! Each of the bunnies will tell you about themselves, and if the match is right, you'll name your bid to the hosting auctioneer. Should you have the highest bid, you'll win an hour of company with your chosen bunny! (All interactions will be SFW! The silent auction works in that you will think of a price, and /whisper it to the auctioneer. After a 30 second auctioning period, the highest bid will be announced, and that person gets to go off with the bunny of their choosing for some fun and conversation for the evening! It does not cost actual gil.)

OUR BUNNY HOSTS FOR THE EVENING:

✧ M'yhe Tia

✧ Ninka'ir Tayuun

✧ Nan'to Vaadrage

✧ L'amp Tia

✧ Duaka Lohaka

✧ Damian Vandrake

✧ Tetsuro Wulf  

Those who arrive later or after the auction will be welcome with whichever remaining / available hosts we have at the time! Please DM me with any questions.

Tags for visibility: @mooglemeet​ @coeurl-rp​ @crystalxivrp​ @ffxiv-crystal-rp​