#Kita Wolvesbane

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[RP Journal] 01/19/2021

I haven’t written in days, mostly because I don’t think there’s any way on the Twelve’s great earth I could ever adequately put into words everything I’ve felt.  After talking with a number of people, however, I’m comforted in the knowledge that I’m surrounded by so many friends that love and care about me, who are capable of seeing past my flaws, and understand that at the heart of everything, I am a creature of caring and love.  I’m not above making mistakes and I’m not above owning up to those mistakes and accepting the consequences of them.

It’s why I was able to let Rae-Hann walk away, because I knew everything I’d done to hurt and upset him. I respected that he needed space and time away from me, away from the Rest.  I wouldn’t want to be here either if this is the place someone I loved walked out of my life, claiming to go off and kill himself. 

I still don’t know how to process that, days later. Knowing what I know of Rae-Hann, that was the surest and deepest way to cut him and hurt him irrevocably, knowing what I know about him and Wren. I told Rae-Hann once that if Siannault ever hurt him, I’d kill him myself.  Given the possibility that he’s already dead, I’m not sure what else to do with my feelings concerning him. Bury them, most likely. If by some twist of Fate he’s still alive -- I pray I never see him again. And I hope he stays out of Rae-Hann’s life for good.  He deserves better.

It was good to see V’hala Helsi come out of hiding at long last.  We went out to The Blue Miqo’te with Yami McFluff, had some drinks, watched some performances, and let Hala and Yami get to know one another. I was honestly just glad to see Hala making new friends, she’s been so cloistered and hidden away with this business in Ishgard, I’ve really only seen her light up when talking with Seda’li.  She needs more friends, people closer to her own age that she can laugh and have fun with. Fraus has stolen so much of her life away from her, it’s nice to see her reclaim some of it.  

After drinks we went to the hot spring near the Rest and had a good soak then a water war when Edgard Beaumont showed up.  It didn’t last long though.  All through the night Yami had been grunting and wincing about some injuries he kept insisting were “fine” -- Oschon’s Bloody Hangnails, I am so /sick/ of hearing bloody “fine” out of people when they know damn well they’re not.  I swear the next person that says it might get a punch in the nose.

I saw to Yami’s injuries myself. Whatever healer he’d seen previously hadn’t done a very good job with him; he still had a lot of internal bruising and had even caused some internal bleeding with all his “I’m fine’ing” and going out with us. Men are so stupid sometimes. They should consider themselves /lucky/ that I care enough to intervene, instead of just letting them run amok and ruin themselves.  Blockhead.

Once that was done, I followed up on a promise to spend some quality time with Edgard.  I’ve been so caught up with everything lately I haven’t really given him as much attention as he deserves. Twelve only knows that he did his utmost to be there for me, to comfort me, when I needed it this week, even when he had no idea what was going on. He didn’t press me with questions, he was just /there/ and I was more grateful than I ever had a chance to say. 

He reminded me that there was someone who would never leave me, that I wasn’t some monstrous creature responsible for everyone and their woes. That someone, in fact, wanted to take /my/ burdens and shoulder them a while.  It’s why I will never care how much people laugh at us and consider us a ridiculously odd couple that makes no sense; that he’s an idiot and fool that couldn’t possibly enamor someone like me. I know sides of him they never will.  Sides of him they’ll never see, because they don’t care to see anything else. 

He’s my world… and I am his moon. I look forward to the day when we can finally put his business in Ishgard to rest, both for him and for Valentina. The situation there hasn’t improved; Egrix has taken Edgard’s niece and his sister-in-law.  In so doing, he’s forced Irax to our side, but he also has a shield against our incursions, because none of us will make a move that will bring harm to either of them. Still, I was grateful to have Kita Wolvesbane and Besheke Ma’iingan with us for this last outing. I don’t know what we would have done without them.  I don’t know why it surprises me to find out that my friends are all fierce fighters, but it does. If I hadn’t known Kita personally his mad cackling and terrifying visage would have been unnerving. And when Besh just vanished from the field of battle only to appear somewhere else without the perceivable use of a spell...? I’m really quite glad I’m on their good sides. I find the more time I spend with the two of them, the more and more I like them. When I lost control of myself at Tavern Night -- Rae-Hann had left only hours before and I was still heartbroken by it -- Besheke got up and began to wait tables himself while Edgard helped me to calm down. Just more endearing traits of our regulars; first when they rose up against Hemlock, now this.  I really do make some very fine friends.

Tumblr Mentions @yokasaris​ for Rae-Hann @thehouseofvs​ for V’hala Helsi @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

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[RP Journal] 01/01/2021

A new year, a new journal. How about that, we made it through the crazy cycle of the sun and moons and made it out the other side!  I think I did well to start the new year off right.  First it was a trip out to the Night Raid Bounty Call.  No job this time around, since I still have one pending with my hunting partner, Edgard Beaumont.  We’ll get that turned in next week, hopefully.   After that, we met up with Kita Wolvesbane and Besheke Ma’iingan and had a wonderful time making rice balls.  It was apparently a tradition that Kita used to share with his sister around this time of year.  He missed it so much that I thought it might help him through the holiday to have someone to do it with, so I set up one of the tables in the tavern with all the supplies and we spent the night making rice balls and just talking about everything. It was a wonderful way to ring in the new year.  

Kita has promised to look into the situation concerning Edgard’s sister-in-law, Victoria, so we’ll see what he has to say about her condition. It’s concerning to say the least.

Of course, there are other things I’d love to write about, but I can’t just yet, suffice to say, though, that this year is starting off very bright, indeed, and I can’t wait to see what the rest of it brings.

Tumblr Mentions @nightraid-hq​ for the Night Raid Bounty Call @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont

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Roleplay Shenanigans June 2021

Many thanks to everyone that contributed in June to give me hours and hours of fun!  ♥ Edgard Beaumont & Zerey Zeyad ( @therpperson ), Khun Ashara ( @halcyonic-aether ), Valeria Camena ( @thehouseofvs ), Zemi’sahe Wazhi, Saya Kiyohara, Ransom Ivanovitch, Archambaut Vremaix, Elias Leblanc, Hoid Aledard, Kita Wolvesbane!

More epic storyline shenanigans are on the horizon, so stay tuned!

[casualcatte]

[RP Journal] January 10, 2021

To think I once felt anything for Edmond Beaumont.

No, no, don’t confuse him with his twin, Edgard Beaumont, whom I love very much. I speak of Edgard’s twin brother.  Edmond’s hurt Ardi for the last time and I certainly hope that Ardi listens to me in loosening his grip on his brother from here on out.  I know he loves Edmond deeply, as a brother should, but ever since they parted ways in Ul’dah Edmond can’t even be bothered to give Ardi more than ten minutes of his time at any given turn. Even when Ardi shared with him the happy news of our engagement, he gave some perfunctory congratulations and said he would now /need/ to get us a present.  Not out of joy, but out of obligation. 

Ardi came home confused, hurt, and frustrated by Edmond’s lack of… well, anything.  Not care, not concern, not hope, not love.  Just emptiness. I don’t know what’s happened to Edmond since we parted ways in Ul’dah but whatever it is has ruined him, even so much as everything that’s happened to Edgard has made him into a better man. Perhaps the two of them are destined to eternally be diametrically opposed.  I’ve heard from both brothers in the past that they were opposite in personality to who they are today, so if they’re both opposite of their opposite now, then they’re still opposite each other.  Right?  Gods, it’s enough to make one’s head ache.

(Courtesy cut for length)

Still, I did what I could to comfort Edgard and remind him that he has so many people who enjoy him for who he is.  People he doesn’t have to beg, plead, and cajole into spending even ten minutes’ time with him.  People who are overjoyed to see him engaged and a groom-to-be. People who love him.  Without question, without reservation.  People he deserves.

Edmond will find a relationship with his brother -- or he won’t. No amount of forcing the issue will make one manifest if Edmond himself does not will it so. I know Ardi sees the sense of it, I know at the heart of him he understands it -- but his blind, steadfast loyalty to a brother who treats him like dirt is unfathomable to me. I honestly think Edmond could murder me and Ardi would find some way to no fault in him. That’s how deeply and blindly I believe he loves his brother.  In it’s own way, it’s toxic and I fear it will damage both brothers irrevocably before it’s all said and done. Like Ardi is prone to do, though, he must learn things the hard way, no matter if it may ruin him in the end.  It is simultaneously something I love and hate about him.  He’ll go to the ends of the earth and beyond for the people he loves -- but godsdammit if I don’t feel like some of the people he loves don’t even fucking deserve it.

Lately, things seem to run in contrasts.  This follows the wonderful night at the Lunar Beach Party, time well-spent with Tetsuro Wulf, Sakura Takara, Nan’to Vaadrage, Ninka’ir Tayuun, and Sumiko Rijin. Even our own Karrn Moks made it out to the beach to play in an effort to further his exploration into new cultures and foods for his recipe-making. While I didn’t win at any of the games or collect any prizes, it was an enchanting evening that ended with a gorgeous performance by N’badra Jhiti and her partner. Yami Mcfluff showed up at the very tail end in an effort to get out and meet more people.

Yami was kind enough to walk me home and Karrn made us a delightful meal of vegetable soup in some sourdough bread bowls. While we were hanging out, V’hala Helsi finally put in an appearance from her workshop. I haven’t seen much of her since she’d given her issues with Fraus over to the Night Raid.  From everything I’ve heard from Edgard, she regularly drinks herself into a stupor and cloisters herself in the workshop, endlessly working on some new blueprint. Still, I was glad enough to see her out and about, mingling with people.  I think that’s a good sign for whatever black mood she’s been in.

As we idled in the common room of the inn, more people began to filter in from the Beach Party.  Ninka’ir on his way home, Sumiko following not long in his wake. Even a random patron showed up in the form of Seda’li Rayuun, he was looking for a place to stay and happened to follow everyone else in. V’hala, especially, seemed to take great interest in him when he spoke of his profession as a blacksmith.  It wasn’t until Rosik Ren came in that things really engaged V’hala. 

The three of them, Seda’li, Rosik, and V’hala ended up going to the workshop to discuss some prototypes of some armor and weaponry that Rosik was wanting to have made. That left me, Edgard, Yami and the others down in the common room, but they soon filtered out and were replaced by Kita Wolvesbane.

Kita was his usual self, at least until a point when -- I’m not altogether sure what happened.  I don’t know if it was me flirting with him or Edgard, but something in him shifted and his mood went from flirty to fractured. Pensive even.  Again, people filtered away until the only ones left were Kita and I, so, naturally I had to get to the bottom of things.

At the heart of it, Kita is lonely.  I can only imagine, given that they are immortal. Like others of their kind, they are doomed to see all that they love among mortality slowly wither and die until naught are left of them but Kita’s own memories. Even Besheke Ma’iingan, whom Kita loves deeply, is unwilling to take on immortality for Kita’s sake -- as Besheke desires nothing more than to be reunited with his own mortal love in whatever afterlife comes next.

I suppose theirs -- and others like them -- are relationships I’ll never understand.  No matter how “equally” one claims to love multiple lovers or partners -- someone will always, always, be second best. I sometimes wonder how they can stand it.  I couldn’t even stand to be second best to the ghost of Edgard’s long-dead wife. I couldn’t imagine there being someone else in his life that he claimed to love as much as I.  There will always be someone that gets more time, more effort, more conversation, or more smiles.  No matter how equal the love is proclaimed to be, it can never truly be that way. Besh and Kita are a prime example of that. One will always have to choose between them, at one point or another, and someone inevitably gets hurt.

For Kita, it always ends up being him. Her.  Them.  Gods, his gender-swapping gets confusing sometimes.  At any rate, being immortal, Kita will almost always be the one left with the short end of the stick. He longs for someone he can share his life with, but finding kitsune who are willing to accept him has apparently been difficult. I feel for him, truly, though I have no idea how to really help him in that arena.  The only kitsune I know are him, Tetsuro… and apparently Kita’s sister now that I’ve met her in U’ldah.  She tried to recruit Edgard and I as followers

At any rate, Kita is another sad story in a chain of endless, sad stories.  It’s like the world is devoid of joy anymore.  Just filled with people trying to make it one more day.  It makes me wonder if my life is somehow a dream, that I have no right to be comfortable, safe, and happy when everyone around me is miserable.  I suppose it’s like I told Edgard, though, we can’t be responsible for everyone else’s lives, we’ve committed our lives to each other now, and that should always take first priority over anyone else.

So, I’ll see about tending to that soon with Kita.  We’ll go to Ishgard and see if we can’t find a cure for Victoria and her mysterious malady.  That will be one less worry off Edgard’s plate -- one less worry off /our/ plate. Tumblr Mentions (... and people you should follow) @therpperson​ for Edgard Beaumont @nightraid-hq​ for the Lunar Festival Party @tetsuro-wulf​ for Tetsuro Wulf @thechoirrp​ for Karrn Moks @nbadrajhiti​ for N’badra Jhiti @thehouseofvs​ for V’hala Helsi