#Nah but people probably think im unreasonable or cold or something for thinking this way but yeah

[mrfoox]

The few times I suprise people or have them disagree badly its usually concerning family and relative logic

If no one knows anything of my family or that situation they'd probably think im a big fan of family bc im generally caring and loving but man....

In my opinion, if an person is an asshole or overall just very bad for your mental health and they are unwilling or unable to change... You don't owe them your time. Ive had people argue with me about it and that's fine everyone thinks differently but imo... 'sharing blood' doesn't mean you owe them your time and health etc

I'd rather invest time and love into the people who are good to me back, whether we share blood or not

[peterjakes]

My Mad Fat Diary Fanfic - The Two Months - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Two Old Friends

Writing this chapter made me realise how much easier it was to write a Chop x Archie piece lol. I still enjoyed writing this chapter but not so sure about it - let me know!

Also published on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154688/chapters/47748709#workskin

Finn and Archie had been friends for a very long time. Yeah, Finn considered him his best mate. He loved the lad and would do anything for him. The two saw each other down the chippy and Archie wasn’t looking himself. Finn thought it odd, considering everything was sorted now. He suggested going for a chat. He and Archie weren’t the best at letting people know how they feel but that was something Archie said he wanted to change. Finn wasn’t so sure. He liked being a little closed off, a little secretive, even though this meant he seemed like a right grumpy sod to outsiders. This didn’t matter though, as long as the gang and Rae understood him. They were the only real ones that did, and he was thankful for that.

Everything that had happened recently, it taught him that everyone had stuff and sometimes they didn’t want to talk about it. But sometimes that’s actually what you need the most. The chats Finn has had with Rae since everything, they’ve been open, and they’ve become closer because of it. It was weird, Finn and Rae seemed to work just as well when they weren’t together. That’s what was so good about their relationship. They were best mates. Like him and Arch. With a slight difference of course.

Finn finished football practice - one of the only things he enjoyed now that he left college and moved out. During that period, it became harder to see everyone and he missed it. Last summer, the summer of ‘96… that was the best time of his life and he wanted to get that back. He didn’t have enough time to head back to his flat to change, Archie was probably already on his way. Archie had a tendency to be stupidly early. Finn packed his kit away and took a quick shower.

Walking past the pitch, he noticed the weather changing. It wasn’t cold anymore, the sun seemed to want to come out and be enjoyed by everyone but there was something holding it back. Finn walked past a young family on the seesaw and headed for the swings. This was his most used spot in the park. It’s where he and Archie had spent so many hours talking over the years. It’s where he and Rae had that chat. It’s where he’d taken himself to be alone and just think. He plonked down on the left swing, pulling out a cigarette and lighter from his denim jacket. He felt like he hadn’t had a proper smoke in ages, something he desperately needed. He pulled a drag and watch the smoke float away. Once it disappeared, there came walking Archie.

Archie was struggling, really struggling. It was strange, he didn’t think everything would be all fine and dandy, he didn’t think it would go back to normal. What even was normal? That definitely wasn’t Archie. It’s not like he was alone, everyone had their own shit to deal with. But everyone else seemed to be able to deal with it – or at least they could just hide it. Archie had kept his secret for so long, and at first the relief he felt was immense. But recently, it was as if he was still keeping something from everyone. And it was eating away at him, which was something he didn’t think he’d be able to cope with for much longer.

Finn was someone Archie wanted to confine in, but neither of the two boys could bring themselves to do it. That awful toxic masculinity. But there was this kind of unspoken agreement between the two, which was especially evident after Archie came out, that even if they didn’t say how they felt, they would back each other. Being friends for 12 years meant something, even if they didn’t tell each other that. Finn agreeing to meeting for a chat was music to Archie’s ears, neither were much talkers but Archie needed this – otherwise he felt like he’d explode.

Archie found Finn on the swings, he brushed down the swing before sitting down on it and turned to Finn, giving him a weak smile.

“Cheers for meeting, I…I really appreciate it, Finn.”

Finn could see Archie wasn’t right, no not that he wasn’t right, but it was obvious something was going on. Finn knew what it was like, not saying anything, not letting on, when in reality he was struggling to keep it together. That only happened a few times, one being when he and Rae first split. That was fucking hard. But like everyone else, he dealt with it. Wasn’t easy, but he kept going. That’s just what everyone had to do.

“It’s ‘lright, bud.” He offered Archie a cigarette, even though he knew Archie didn’t smoke, not seriously anyway. As expected, his friend waved it away, and started to fiddle with his specs. One of the many things he knew Archie did when he was nervous. For the first time, Finn felt an awkwardness between them. After 12 years of friendship, 12 years of playing football, mucking about down the rec, going down the pub. This feeling, it wasn’t nice. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted Archie to be happy, he was his best mate and only wanted the best for him. He got that things were going to be tough for a while, it wasn’t going to be all smiles and roses. Life wasn’t like that all the time. Everyone had stuff they had to fight to deal with. But Finn didn’t like seeing any of the gang like this, especially Archie.

“You seen Chopper? He’s being a right melt at the minute, honestly don’t know how to handle ‘im. Kept going on ‘bout how we all need to see each other. Works both ways though, donit.” He offered the boy beside him a reassuring smile and lit his second cigarette of the day. He knew he had to swerve the conversation to the real reason they were meeting. “Arch, I know something’s up, I can always tell ‘ya know.”

Archie hadn’t expected Finn to linger too much on filler conversation, wasn’t a great talent of his but he didn’t blame him. He liked that about Finn. There was never any bullshit with him. Archie knew Finn only offered him a cigarette to be polite, he really only smoked to fit in. It was stupid, really. Yeah, Finn looked cool doing it, but Archie could never really pull it off. He’d stick to playing football and reading. There wasn’t going to be anymore fakery from Archie, he knew he couldn’t do it much longer.

Archie laughed at the thought of Chop.

“That’s Chop, for ‘ya. Always thinking up something.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been… Just been thinking about everything, ‘ya know? It’s just been a lot. I dunno, I’m being stupid really.” Archie laughed it off, it wasn’t as if anything serious was actually going on. But something did feel right, like there was a sort of disturbance in his life. It wasn’t how people were reacting to him, anyone who was originally bothered by him had kept their distance and everyone else, well, they had been brilliant. Better than he had ever thought they could be. College was much easier now; the gang was back together, and he could actually enjoy himself. Durham was in his sights. He didn’t like to brag, but it was likely he’d get in. His parents would be proud. He’d have the time of his life. But none of that seemed to matter, not in the last few days. Talking to Chop hadn’t helped, it distracted him for a few hours sure, but walking home he had time to think and he didn’t fancy that. He knew he’d had to stand up to his thoughts and feelings at some point.

Finn hated seeing anyone down, especially Archie. Only recently had everything seemed so hard. Finn also hated it when Archie just brushed off his problems, Finn wasn’t an idiot – he could tell when something was wrong, really wrong. And this seemed to be one of those times, but he didn’t want to force Archie. On the other hand, would have Archie agreed to meet up if he didn’t want to talk about it? Finn was never one for talking about things that didn’t matter. He didn’t say a lot. But when he did, he meant it.

“Arch, you can talk to meh, ya know. It’s ‘lright. Has summat happened? Whatever ‘ya thinking, s’not stupid. I promise.

Of course Finn was being ridiculously understanding. That’s what Finn did. That’s who Finn was. Archie couldn’t think of one time that Finn was unreasonable or when he’d judge you for your thoughts or actions. Finn just wasn’t the type.

“Nah, nothin’. Not really. It’s just me, isn’t it? Nothing’s ever easy is, it? It’s like Churchill said, ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’, right. But how can you keep going when your body doesn’t want to?” Archie shook his head; he knew he wasn’t making any sense. All of his thoughts kept going around and around in his head, as if on a hamster wheel, but the minute he tried to articulate them they all seemed to disappear. This time, he wanted to tell Finn how he’d been feeling, he knew he would understand and try to help. But the words just didn’t want to form, not in the right way anyway. Archie rubbed under his nose, trying to figure out what to say. He didn’t exactly know what the problem was, or at least he hadn’t allowed himself to think about it properly to realise. He never wanted to burden Finn with his troubles, but he couldn’t do that without explaining properly what was wrong. He released himself from the right swing, feeling the cold wind on his fingertips and turned towards his Finn, who was looking slightly bemused.

“I know I’m not making sense. I’m… I’m just wasting your time, mate.”

No, Archie wasn’t making much sense in what he was saying but Finn could tell. He could always tell. There was something really bugging his friend beside him, something that Finn soon realised wasn’t just going to go away.

“Archie, just listen to meh for a minute, right. Don’t need to hear any Churchill bullocks. What is going on with ya? Ya haven’t just started being like this out of the blue, I’ve noticed, ya know. Just tell meh, please mate. It’ll be alright.”

“Churchill gave some great speeches ‘ya know.” Archie nodded at Finn, to which his friend smirked at, but this soon faltered back into the concerned look Finn always gave Archie when he thought something serious was wrong. Those puppy dog eyes, he knew how to use them, Archie would give him that. Archie wasn’t going to give him anything else. He didn’t know how to explain what was wrong. He felt like now everyone was back together, he should have felt happy. Felt fine. But that just wasn’t the case. And that’s why he felt weird. Out of place. Not quite right.

“I dunno, really. I feel like I have all of these feelings and thought inside my head and I…I just can’t get them out. Not properly. My mum, she said that I should talk to someone at college, about everything. All my revelations. Now that’s a load of bullocks. Nothing is really wrong. I guess…I dunno. Things are changing and, I’ve never been good with that, you know that.” Archie paused, allowing Finn to take it all in. His friend was nodding along to everything he was saying, but Archie highly doubted he understood anything. No one seemed to understand him. Even if Archie was being a bit dramatic.

“I just thought it would be a bit easier by now.”

“Things take time, Arch. I’m proud of you though, you handled everything with class. I’m sorry I ‘aven’t been there for ya recently, mate. I’ll make it up to ‘ya, scout’s honour” Finn gave Archie a twinkling smile, took one last drag and put out his cigarette. He got up and stood next to his old friend, patting on the back. He hadn’t been the greatest friend in the world to Archie, better than some, but definitely not the best.

“I know Chop mentioned Barney t’other day. Has this got anything to do with how ‘ya feeling? ‘Cos Chopper isn’t always the best when it comes to uncomfortable subjects. ‘ya know he didn’t mean it though. Everyone reacts differently, and he loves ‘ya to pieces. We all do.”

“Cheers, mate. That means a lot. But that doesn’t matter, not really.” Archie smiled to himself at Finn’s ‘scouts’ comment, Finn always knew how to lighten the mood when it was pretty low. He was always careful and serious, especially when it came to Archie, but he was still a joker.

Archie sat down on the patch of grass in front of the swings and motioned Finn to sit beside him, which his friend obeyed to.

“He didn’t say anything wrong; he was fine actually. Not something we say that often about him.” Chop’s heart was always in the right place, or at least it had been, but he wasn’t very good at navigating it.

“I just…I feel like I don’t how I’m gonna move forward, ya know? Got nothing to do with Chop or Barney, alright? Just struggling with everything, I guess.” This wasn’t completely untrue. He was struggling, Chop had actually made him feel better for a while and moving forward was something he was trying to do and wanted to do. But the mention of Barney, well, he had been thinking about him a little since the afternoon at the pub with Chop. He was a good kisser. He had something interesting to say. And he actually listened to Archie. He was good-looking too. They hadn’t spoken much, not since that night. Barney would appear in and out of their lives; like most of the lads, he didn’t go to college much, obviously had better things to do – unlike Archie, who was sitting here thinking about him and what he was doing, when Barney probably hadn’t even given Archie a second thought.

Archie didn’t know why he was struggling so much recently, but he did know that he couldn’t be like this forever. He needed to do something, and yeah, sometimes talking helps and he didn’t fault Finn for being a good mate and trying to help him figure it out. But maybe this wasn’t the way.

Finn wasn’t going to probe Archie to say more, their friendship wasn’t like that. He knew there was more to Archie’s problems, but if Archie wasn’t ready then Finn wasn’t going to push him. Finn would be there for him, he only knew too well that it sometimes takes time to come to terms with how you feel.

“You heard any more about Durham, then?” University was always a good subject to talk about with Archie, he could rant on for hours about how great the facilities were, how weird and wacky the lecturers were, what a great opportunity it would be for him. Finn knew this. He knew how to keep Archie’s mind off things, even if he didn’t know how to get Archie to open up properly.

Archie gave a small sigh with relief at the mention of university. This was Finn signalling that he wasn’t going to carry on asking, which Archie was grateful for.

“Mr Pens thinks I could do it, if I keep doing what I’m doing. Mum and Dad, that’s all their hoping for, to be honest. Don’t wanna bore ya with everything about the application and interview. You found a job yet?” Bore you. That’s all Archie seemed to be doing recently. Boring everyone with his stupid problems. Problems he didn’t understand himself.

“Chopper said he could get me some work in the garage, but, ya know that’s not what I wanna do.” Finn looked over at the park as he said this. What did he want to do? He wanted Archie to tell him what’s up, that’s what he really wanted but felt like today wasn’t going to be the day.

“You’ll get there mate, I know you will. Who knows, when I come back from uni you could be the richest DJ in Stamford, eh?”

“Course I will, don’t doubt it.” Finn gave Archie a small wink, which was very reminiscent of a Chop wink, one that the gang all knew too well.

[sadrien]

fragile ones

on ao3

title taken from 10am gare du nord by keaton henson. i love his music so much its just so....open and raw? it felt fitting for a fic like this, it just really works for late nights and emotional talks idk

i started this fic back at the end of august on a bad night and there isnt much plot to it just...speculation i guess. a character study of alya? but in this au?? im not sure. theres not much to it at all and its a little all over, but it was a fic i felt like i had to write

enjoy

Alya wakes up with her heart in her throat and her hands tearing at her hair. She groans and rests her forehead on her knees.

If only he’d shut up.

She checks the time. It’s only three, because of course it’s unreasonable to ask for a full night’s sleep. She stays where she is for a little while longer, curled up in a ball and hugging a pillow, letting her heart rate level out and her head slow its spin. When she stops feeling like she’ll throw up if she moves, she slides out of bed and pads into the bathroom.

Alya avoids the floorboards that creak and is careful to close the door softly, but it doesn’t really matter. After a few months, her family got used to her getting up at strange hours and wandering around the house. Once she stopped screaming, it was easier for them to sleep through her nightmares.

She leaves the lights off and washes her face in the dark. She doesn’t want to have to adjust to bright lights right now. She twists her hair up into a messy bun. She’s up now. No point in going back.

Alya makes herself comfortable at her desk with her laptop. She scrolls through tumblr, drafting posts to post to the Ladyblog tumblr later. Usually she’d try to write or do something more productive, but she feels too raw and drained for anything more than mindless clicking right now.

She knows there are forums that she could go to, she’s the one that set them up. There are probably other people up reliving the worst day of their life right now. But she still hates talking about it.

It’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing that the entire world knows that she got upset and lost control.

But it’s worse than that. It’s worse because she remembers. They all do. They don’t talk about it, not to people who haven’t been akumatized. It’s almost better to pretend that they don’t. Because they didn’t. For a little while. At first there’s nothing and then it comes back in flashes and nightmares and terrifying thoughts.

There’s nothing like having someone else take control of you. Having someone take your most negative thoughts and make them some of your only thoughts. Until you’re barely yourself. All your principals? Gone. Morals? Gone. Desires? Other than revenge, gone.

Hawk Moth makes nothing but revenge and the miraculous important.

Thinking about it makes Alya feel lightheaded.

She remembers pausing Chloé. She remembers restraining Ladybug and locking Chat Noir in the freezer. She remembers teleporting through phones, her molecules turning to pixels and back, the feeling of her consciousness and body being nothing but code.

Alya pushes away from her desk to get her phone. She sends Nino a quick text. If he’s not up now, he’ll see it in the morning, and that’s what matters.

Alya considers herself lucky. She didn’t actually do that much damage as Lady WiFi. She’s heard horror stories from the other akuma victims. She doesn’t know if she could handle anything more than what she did.

She had tried to broadcast Ladybug’s secret identity to the entire world.

She wonders if people have noticed that she doesn’t push the issue so much anymore.

Alya has too much time to think now. Far too much. Sure, weird hours of the morning like this can be great if she’s actually working on something — she’s far too tired to care about quality so she can pump out way more words than she does during daylight hours — but they aren’t good for wandering around as an empty shell. It gives her too much time to think and regret. And regret and regret and regret.

It’s given her dark circles and tired eyes. If she wants to be positive, she’s now a master at makeup. It’s one of the few things she can bring herself to do at hours like this. Google makeup tips and figure out how to make herself look more alive and less traumatized. And she’s not the only one.

She’s seen Chloé caking on concealer in the bathroom. Sabrina follows Chloé’s lead. Juleka and Rose check each other’s makeup in the morning to make sure it looks somewhat natural. Nathanael has sunk in even more on himself, letting his hair grow even longer to cover his face. Kim makes up excuses for his dark bags that get more and more dramatic by the day while Max just says he was up playing video games. Alya taught Nino how to use basic concealer once at two thirty in the morning and Ivan’s glare is a little darker. Mylené’s cheerful personality acts as a heavy cover up.

Of all their classmates, only Lila is the one who seems to have taken akumatization with grace. Snarky grace that makes Alya want to punch her in the nose and see horror in her eyes for once.

It’s awful to think, especially since Alya is trying to control her emotions a lot more now and not let them flare up, but Lila makes it impossible. Especially after long nights with hard dreams and Hawk Moth’s voice echoing in her head. To see Lila almost completely unaffected is jarring and painful. And she seems to know that she’s alone in feeling the way she does, because she rubs it in their faces with an irritating amount of glee.

Nearly the entire class has been akumatized. Alya has seen the way Chloé glares at Lila. Kim has rolled his eyes while Alix snapped pencils and a haunted look crossed Nino’s face. One of these days, Lila will get what’s coming to her.

Alya likes to think that if Marinette knew, she would shut Lila down in less than a minute. It’s not that Alya can’t, she can and she will, but there’s something nice about your friend taking someone down for you. But Marinette doesn’t know. Because Marinette is one of the two people who hasn’t been akumatized.

Marinette and Adrien.

And they just make it…awkward. Because if they weren’t there, whenever the teacher is out of the room, the class would be able to talk about their experiences. But they can’t. It feels like they’re all tip-toeing around Marinette and Adrien. Like they’re children who can’t know the adults’ secrets yet. It feels almost trivializing.

But all Alya would get from them is sympathy. And she doesn’t want sympathy. She’s had enough from people who don’t think she remembers. She doesn’t want to know what sympathy would be like from people who know she remembers what she does. Who know that some very small part of her enjoyed it and relished in the power. She hates that part of herself. Almost as much as she hates lying.

Her phone starts vibrating in her hands and she answers it without even bothering to see who’s calling. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Nino mumbles sleepily. “You’re up?”

Alya pulls her knees up against her chest, spinning slowly in her desk chair. “Yeah.”

“WiFi?”

“Mhm.” Alya has decided that forums are good when she wants to discuss and dissect herself. She’s decided that Nino is better for early morning panic talks. She’s decided that Nino is just better in general. “You?”

He sighs. “Freaking bubbles.”

She rests her chin in her hand. “Anything new?”

“Not really ‘new’,” Nino says with a sigh. “Just…different.”

Alya hums in agreement. She can understand that. Sometimes the situation isn’t different, but the voice in her head is or the perspective is or the burning cold sensation in the pit of her stomach when she wakes up with a jolt. Sometimes it’s just Hawk Moth’s voice, haunting her and terrorizing her. “Are you headed back to bed?” she asks, desperate to hear Nino’s voice again. She’s already losing herself to Hawk Moth.

“Nah, not worth it. I’ve been listening to this one song over and over again and there’s something off about it and I can’t place it. I think I’m losing it.”

“How long have you been listening to it?”

“Maybe two hours.”

Alya smiles softly. “Turn it off, babe.”

“But—”

“I’ll listen to it in a few hours when you can play it for me,” she promises, “but you’re not going to find what’s wrong with it right now. What do you always tell me to do when I get stuck on an article?”

Nino sighs. “Take a break and step away.”

“Exactly.” Alya slows the chair’s spin. “It’s what I do with the physics homework too.”

He snorts. “You didn’t finish it, did you?”

“Do I ever?” she asks. “I need Adrien’s help. I’m completely lost on springs.”

“Simple harmonic motions,” Nino says dutifully.

“Please stop,” she groans, covering her eyes with her free hand.

“F = -kx,” he continues. “This is known as Hooke’s Law. The proportionality constant, k, is called the spring constant and tells us how strong the spring is. The greater the value of k, the stiffer and stronger the spring is. The minus sign in Hooke’s Law tells us, uh, that…the force is a restoring force.” He pauses for a long moment. “What’s a restoring force?”

“Done reciting our textbook to me?” Alya teases.

“Googling…” Nino says slowly, “‘what’s a restoring force’…”

She closes her eyes and listens to him hum softly ask he scrolls through the search results. If she’s being honest, she’d be perfectly fine listening to him reading their physics book for the rest of the night. Nino’s voice is soothing and calming, and she’s not afraid to admit that she’s a little bit in love with it. At least, not at this time of night.

“The force which is responsible to restore original size and shape is called restoring force.”

Alya laughs. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”

“Neither did I.” She hears his textbook shut. “You’re right. We need Adrien.”

She glances to her window, looking out to the sleeping city. “Too bad it’s three forty-five in the morning,” she murmurs.

“Someone in our class needs to have a normal sleep schedule,” Nino says. “And we both know that it can’t be Marinette.”

“Do you ever want to tell them?” she whispers after a long pause. She can’t draw her eyes away from the streetlights she can see out her window, spots of light in the darkness of night. There’s probably something poetic in the quiet of the city, but Alya feels too drained for anything like that. Too many nights where she woke up with horrors screaming in her head.

“You know I do.”

Ivan hadn’t told anyone when he started to remember. Probably because it’s in his nature to say little. But then akuma victims had continued to stay quiet on their memories.

If Ivan had said something, everything would be different. If anyone had spoken up, if she had spoken up, everything would be different.

Alya doesn’t know if that’d be better or worse.

“You still with me, Al?” Nino asks when she’s been quiet for a few minutes longer than he’s used to. She’s fallen asleep on these late night calls and so has he. They tried video chatting once, but seeing someone else’s face made everything too real and raw. Most nights, all they can handle is each other’s voices.

Alya breathes slowly before she says anything else. “Yeah. Just…thinking, I guess.”  

“Anything you want to say out loud?”

She’s had far too many thoughts that are too scary to voice. Lots that have made her shrink back and shudder. “I don’t know,” she says. “They’re just… I don’t know, they’re there. Being…weird.”

“I feel that,” Nino says. “Sometimes I think stuff and I’m like whoa, slow down there brain. Chill out a little. We don’t want to be thinking that.”

Alya smiles and rests her chin on her knees. “I thought Chloé was going to punch Lila during the last akuma attack,” she admits.   

“Is it bad that I would pay to see that?” Nino asks. Alya snorts. “It’s not like I hate Lila, I mean she seems pretty cool and all, but she was just getting on my nerves with this whole thing. I don’t know if she brought up getting akumatized because she doesn’t realize how screwed up this was for the rest of us or because she likes making us uncomfortable.”

“Kind of tone deaf,” Alya murmurs. “She was nice enough during that group project, but it was really awkward.”

“Oh right,” Nino remembers. “You, her, and Adrien.”

“Mhm. It was…weird.”

“If you want weird, try me bonding with Chloé during that project. That was weird.”

“Oh?” Alya asks in surprise. This is the first she’s heard of this.

“Yeah she started ranting about something or another and I encouraged her because I wanted to procrastinate—”

“Of course.”

“Shut up, you haven’t finished your physics homework.”

“Okay true. Continue.”

“Anyway I was encouraging her rant and then she got on the topic of Marinette and then we started arguing because I couldn’t have that and then… I don’t know, we started talking about what we remember. And then we just kept talking. I mean the project didn’t get done at all but… Yeah it was weird. We bonded.”

“I would’ve thought it was over Adrien,” Alya admits.

Nino sighs. “I mean, Adrien totally came up. Several times. But like, in relation to the akuma stuff. ‘Cause Chloé was saying…that it was weird not telling him everything. And I kind of relate.”

Alya picks at the hem of her shirt. “I know what you mean,” she mutters. She constantly finds herself stopping herself from telling Marinette. Because Marinette— Marinette tells her everything and Alya isn’t able to return the favor and it’s awful.

“I hope they don’t get akumatized,” Nino says suddenly. “As rad as it would be to be able to talk to them about stuff like this, I don’t want this to happen to them. It sucks. It’s just… It’s awful and I don’t want either of them to have to go through it.”

There’s one traitorous part of Alya that has thought about Marinette and Adrien getting akumatized before and was glad because that was two less people she had to keep this from, two people she cares about very much. And she hates that part of herself. She’s pushed it far back into the dark corner of her mind with all of her memories. Because she wouldn’t wish this on anyone. “I don’t want them to either,” she whispers. “I’d keep this from them for the rest of time if it meant they could sleep through the night.”

“Ever consider taking sleeping pills?” Nino asks. “I know Chloé tried that.”

Alya shudders. “It made the nightmares worse.” More vivid, harder to break out of.

“Okay, let’s not do that again.”

She hears him yawn and suddenly feels incredibly guilty for keeping him up again. “Babe, if you want to go to bed—”

“I’m stopping you right there,” Nino interrupts. “I’m fine. Just out of it.”

She makes a distressed noise and puts a foot down on the ground to spin her chair in a fast circle.

“I’m kind of tired, but aren’t we all?”

“You should sleep.” She spins herself again and again, faster and faster until she knows she’ll fall over when she stands up. If she stands up.

“Hey, Al,” Nino says after a few more rotations, “is it cool if I put on some music? I promise I’ll try to sleep if you do too.”

Her foot hits the floor to stop the spin.

“Promise?” Alya asks, voice tight.

“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle that I’d probably have to steal from Mari in my eye.”

Alya forces a laugh and wobbles as she stands. She holds onto the edge of her desk as the room tips and spins violently. “I’ll try to sleep,” she promises. She plugs her phone into her charger and puts it on speaker.

“Night then,” Nino says. Soft, gentle music from a playlist Alya almost knows by heart floats through her phone.

“Goodnight,” she whispers back. She curls up on her bed and focuses on the music, letting it carry her away. It fights off Hawk Moth as she dreams, the carefully chosen notes drowning out his wicked grin and charming voice.

It’s only for a few hours, but Alya sleeps.

[obliviousswampqueen]

1-200

200:My crush’s name is:Ya’ll don’t get to know that but he is a mutual.

199: I was born in: Idaho

198:I am really: Comfy

197:My cellphone company is: AT&T

196:My eye color is: Blue-green

195:My shoe size is: 7

194:My ring size is: I don’t really wear rings so I’m not sure

193:My height is: 5ft1

192:I am allergic to: SO MUCH STUFF Big ones are tho are bees, cats, and red onions

191:My 1st car was: 2001 Chevy Malibu

190:My 1st job was: Shelf stocker

189:Last book you read: 5th Wave?

188:My bed is: Big and cozy

187:My pet: Cute and wonderful

186:My best friend: @leeminlimer hes a really good cook but hes lonely so if you’re a cute girl hit him up lmao

185:My favorite shampoo is: Cherry Blossom

184:Xbox or ps3: I’m so bad at video games it’s not even funny

183:Piggy banks are: Cute and unreasonable for me

182:In my pockets:Probably a receipt from the grocery store 

181:On my calendar: Work and a doctors appointment on Friday

180:Marriage is: Sounds pretty cool to me

179:Spongebob can: Get really annoying but I also love it

178:My mom: She’s crazy and I love her

177:The last three songs I bought were? OK- Being as an Ocean

                                                                  Humblest Pleasures- Turnover

                                                                  Hum- Tigers Jaw

176:Last YouTube video watched: A bathroom remodel thing

175:How many cousins do you have? Cousin alone like 10? Including their spouses and kids like 18 I think.

174:Do you have any siblings? Three all older.

173:Are your parents divorced? Nope, they’ve been married for 30 years.

172:Are you taller than your mom? No -.-

171:Do you play an instrument? I used to know how to  play the guitar really badly.

170:What did you do yesterday? Helped replace the bathroom cabinets and clean.[ I Believe In ]169:Love at first sight: I guess so why not.

168:Luck: Yeah

167:Fate: Maybe?

166:Yourself: Eh

165:Aliens: HELL YEAH

164:Heaven: Yeah

163:Hell: So I think so but I have some conflicting feelings as to how I was always told we are all Gods children and he loves us and has a plan for us all but if you don’t believe in him you’re going to hell even if you’re a good person but if rapists and murders believe in God they’ll be forgiven and live eternally in heaven.

162:God: Yeah

161:Horoscopes: Nope

160:Soul mates: Yess

159:Ghosts: oooo yup

158:Gay Marriage: I like how this is in the same category as God and magic and ghosts. But yes.

157:War: Yes? I mean it happens?

156:Orbs: Like circles or ghost orbs. Yes to both.

155:Magic: Nah, I don’t think so.[ This or That ]154:Hugs or Kisses: Hella miss being kissed rn

153:Drunk or High: High, only pot tho

152:Phone or Online: Online

151:Red heads or Black haired: I look better with red but probably black hair on other people

150:Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette

149:Hot or cold: Hot

148:Summer or winter: Summer

147:Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146:Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145:Night or Day: Night, love me some starry nights

144:Oranges or Apples: Oranges but only if theyre tart

143:Curly or Straight hair: Curly on me

142:McDonalds or Burger King: Neither?

141:White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Neither? they make my stomach hurt

140:Mac or PC: PC

139:Flip flops or high heals: Flipflops 

138:Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m already ugly and poor :/

137:Coke or Pepsi: Neither

136:Hillary or Obama: Obama

135:Burried or cremated: BURN ME

134:Singing or Dancing: Horrible at both but singing

133:Coach or Chanel: Neither I just said I’m poor

132:Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: I don’t know who those people are

131:Small town or Big city: In the middle

130:Wal-Mart or Target: Target

129:Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Staying loyal to Night at the Museum, Ben Stiller

128:Manicure or Pedicure: Neither, I don’t like strangers touching me

127:East Coast or West Coast: West

126:Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday

125:Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers

124:Disney or Six Flags: Never been to either

123:Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t know anything about sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122:War: I think that people fight for what they believe in at all costs but a lot of innocent people die along the way and it would be nice if people could settle differences without fighting but thats a fairys and rainbow daydream that won’t come true but on the other hand some people are incredibly shitty and need to be held accountable for their actions

121:George Bush: Jet fuel doesn’t melt steel beams

120:Gay Marriage: Lettem get married

119:The presidential election: It was a shitshow and now look where we are fucktrump

118:Abortion: It’s a womans choice

117:MySpace: I made one in 5th grade and had no friends on it but I felt so bad ass

116:Reality TV: I don’t watch it

115:Parents: Mine are pretty alright

114:Back stabbers: Why do people have to be so mean113:Ebay: I’ve never used it

112:Facebook: It’s alright

111:Work: I touch strangers fr a living and as I said before I don’t like people touching me so I have 40 hours of personal hell.

110:My Neighbors: They  have really cute goats

109:Gas Prices: TOO HIGH (im poor)

108:Designer Clothes: SO SPENDY (im poor)

107:College: SO EXPENSIVE (im poor but need a degree)

106:Sports: I’m bad at them

105:My family: They’re bat shit crazy

104:The future: Hopefully it’s good[ Last time I ]103:Hugged someone: Last night

102:Last time you ate: I’m eating applesauce atm

101:Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Today I saw a doc I used to work with

100:Cried in front of someone: Not sure

99:Went to a movie theater: Ummmm 7 months maybe more?

98:Took a vacation: December 2015 and that was my only vacation

97:Swam in a pool: A few years ago

96:Changed a diaper: When my nephew was a baby so fourish years ago

95:Got my nails done: Two years ago

94:Went to a wedding: Four years

93:Broke a bone: Never

92:Got a peircing: Had my nips pierced for a while about two years ago

91:Broke the law: A few days ago

90:Texted: Like 25 minutes ago[ MISC ]89:Who makes you laugh the most: Depression memes

88:Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dog

87:The last movie I saw: Zodiac

86:The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving out

85:The thing im not looking forward to: Being in clinic

84:People call me: Sarah

83:The most difficult thing to do is: Have strangers in my personal space

82:I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope

81:My zodiac sign is: Cancer

80:The first person i talked to today was: My mom

79:First time you had a crush: Four or five?

78:The one person who i can’t hide things from: My therapist

77:Last time someone said something you were thinking: Last night “ That’s so gross”

76:Right now I am talking to: No one

75:What are you going to do when you grow up: Be a teacher

74:I have/will get a job: Have

73:Tomorrow: Work

72:Today: Work

71:Next Summer: Be less chunky

70:Next Weekend: Go on an adventure

69:I have these pets: The best dog in the world

68:The worst sound in the world: Cutting Styrofoam or it rubbing together

67:The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

66:People that make you happy: All my friends

65:Last time I cried: A couple weeks ago

64:My friends are: Pretty sweet

63:My computer is: Really loud

62:My School: I’m a adult

61:My Car: Is really REALLY sad

60:I lose all respect for people who: Are rude to waiters/ waitresses and children

59:The movie I cried at was: Marley and Me

58:Your hair color is: Dark brown

57:TV shows you watch: Stranger Things, The OA, Criminal Minds, The 100

56:Favorite web site: This hellhole of a site

55:Your dream vacation: Some place with lots of fun hikes and good food

54:The worst pain I was ever in was: The time I quit my job to go to the ER because my cramps were so bad I wouldn’t stand and I was crying and it was bad

53:How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat steak

52:My room is: Covered in dog hair

51:My favorite celebrity is: Jake Gyllenhaal

50:Where would you like to be: At a happier place in my life

49:Do you want children: Yes!!

48:Ever been in love: Nope

47:Who’s your best friend: Liam

46:More guy friends or girl friends: It’s even

45:One thing that makes you feel great is: Taking a shower

44:One person that you wish you could see right now: Any of my internet friends

43:Do you have a 5 year plan: I’m just trying to make it through the day

42:Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda

41:Have you pre-named your children: I like the name Zena for a girl

40:Last person I got mad at: My sister for being an ass

39:I would like to move to: Washington maybe

38:I wish I was a professional: Adventurer [ My Favorites ]37:Candy: Sour patch kids

36:Vehicle: 1970 Chevelle SS

35:President: Shoutput to Roosevelt for making national parks a thing

34:State visited: Washington

33:Cellphone provider: AT&T

32:Athlete: ????

31:Actor: ????

30:Actress: ???? theres to many options and I don’t remember names

29:Singer: anyone who sings sad songs

28:Band: Being as an Ocean

27:Clothing store: A lot of my shirts are from target

26:Grocery store: Fred’s is the closest so thats where I go

25:TV show: Criminal Minds

24:Movie: Pacific Rim

23:Website: Here

22:Animal: Elephant

21:Theme park: I’ve only been to Silverwood

20:Holiday:  HALLOWEEN 19:Sport to watch: Soccer I guess

18:Sport to play: None I fucking suck at them

17:Magazine: National Geographic specifically any issue on space

16:Book:I really like the Shannara Chronicles 

15:Day of the week: I really don’t mind Mondays

14:Beach: I loved the ones in Maui

13:Concert attended: I’ve never been to one :/

12:Thing to cook: Pancakes

11:Food: Fried Ravioli

10:Restaurant: Jewel Lake Pizza and Chinese Food

9:Radio station: I don’t really listen to it

8:Yankee candle scent: ??? probably apple orchard or something like that

7:Perfume: Tuscan Blood Orange

6:Flower: All of em

5:Color: Yellow

4:Talk show host: Not sure

3:Comedian: Not sure

2:Dog breed: Muts

1:Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeah