#NOT a negative post just art struggles
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i like where my art style is going but it certainly is hacking and sputtering
#ghosts howling#NOT a negative post just art struggles#I started my art career drawing sonic and mlp#Then going to anime and slowly going closer to semi-realism?#And only after getting into bg3 did i properly start trying to do semi-realism. Which were not there yet but im happy with my improvement#But i can really notice how starting super cartoony with my art base as a kid has made it necessary for me to build up to this#As opposed to other people who immediately start drawing with semi-realism and thus master it faster#No jealousy btw im really happy for them i just often feel like im sooooo slow when it comes to improvement#Im not even good at coloring and shading yet!!!!! Aahhh!!!!!
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ugh. some thoughts.
really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.
hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.
I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.
I'm just . tired, I guess.
#spectre says#text post#negative#vent post#delete later#sorry#i probably shouldn't post this idk#tbh i know i've said this a million times but. even if i'm struggling to draw or whatever#i'm still open for asks. i want so badly to talk about my characters and the things i've been unable to explain through art#but i can't get my own thoughts together enough to know where to start with that in like. just a random post#and asks would be a great way for me to actually focus on one concept at a time based on whatever you guys are curious about#but i hate sounding like i'm begging for attention/interaction i just. genuinely don't know if anyone is interested otherwise#and if you guys do want to know more you HAVE to tell me directly#because vague forms of engagement are difficult for me to comprehend or read between the lines of#i can't read minds obviously ><;;#i know ask culture has changed a lot over the years tho and a lot of ppl don't like sending them out of being shy or whatever#which i understand#it's kind of an awkward form of engagement that no other site really has#so no pressure i'm just letting you know that I won't know if any of you guys are interested in learning more about my stuff#if i'm not told directly is all#anyway. tangent aside#its just been rough mentally my dudes. hopefully things clear up at some point and i won't feel so dead all the time#and actually have the mental clarity to continue drawing/writing like i used to again;;; God willing;;
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I miss people distinguishing between AMVs, PMVs, and animatics. especially the latter two. The amount of times I've gone looking for animatics only for PMVs to pop up is incredible
#qsmp#hermitcraft#the owl house#trafficblr#I love PMVs but like#separate them#Please#Hell I often look specifically FOR them and can't find them because y'all call them animatics#Warrior cats fandom is based though y'all keep going at it <3#I think every YouTube art side of fandom could take a few lessons from them#Mcyt fandoms in particular I've found struggle with this a lot?? Honestly my biggest beef with MCYT fandom isn't 'ugh so cringe/toxic/etc'#aka the normal reasons we get a bad rep#but the seeminglyĀ complete lack of knowledge of basic fandom terminology? That's MY negative association#but frankly maybe it's just something thats cropped up extra badly post TikTok era and I've just happened to be in MCYT spaces for it#Also y'all stop conflating Headcanon and AU#Fandom terms have different meanings for a reason!!
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Might delete this later idk
#cringe and not what I usually post but Iāve been struggling mentally#ābeenā struggling lmao#Iāve always struggled but itās just been worse lately#this isnāt an exaggeration either#if anything itās much more tame than my real thoughts#itās hard to feel ok when even your own mind is against you#personal#art#my art#comic#mini comic#vent#vent art#vent comic#mental health#mental illness#negative self talk
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post thatās like āu Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sickā bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasnāt so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. iām that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i donāt write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and thatās obviously not sustainable. but idk if itās adhd or what but itās So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then iām Goinā and i canāt stop until iām Done or i collapse from ignoring my bodyās needs lmao#itās something i should make an effort to do though bc iād love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! š#i got the follow-up to last yearās Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the olā keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didnāt put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik theyāll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that iāll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt ā¢ 2. HiH Ch.3 ā¢ 3. [N]MbD small fic ā¢ 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then iām gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then iāll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i āalso wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe iāll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year š#anyways ik iāve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so donāt put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. iād really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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tumblr doesnt get the same amount of attention as twt gets from me so here have a bunch of wips im on and off working on currently šššš»
#mint is posting wips here and there#you see whats keeping me from posting art more often..#lineart /neg#its just hard okay#the struggles of someone who enjoys rendering most š
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i know dtblr not related to dttwt nor might care what happened in dttwt right now but i say this for the artists and authors in this fandom: thank you so much for what you have done and been doing for this fandom, you are the biggest backbone of this fandom and i don't think this fandom can be this big and influenced without artist and author. and im sorry that despite many times trying to promote your arts and contribute to this fandom creativity, the place and platform that suppose to help you actually fail you many times until hit the bottomest. you did not deserve, i know you never deserve it, and fans and people should have focused on promoting and uplifting your works more than idolizing big accounts. it's so unfair to think that your artworks and fics will never be the same standard as people hold for the big accounts who did not deserve the platform they are having.
im an artist too, and im also getting struggle with getting motivation despite been through the hell of that people cause, i know it must be frustrated and hopeless to see those people ruin our precious sources of creativity and downgrade our talent. and i hope you never give up just because those people say so. you are a wonderful miracle for this fandom and please never let your spark of creativity and love for our ccs die down. and people should more realize that artists and authors of the fandom ARE THE REAL IMAGE OF THE FANDOM
#like im just sad im just very sad all of my friends are artists and authors#and i have to witness them everyday struggle with boosting their arts and fics and some point we might give up#because the algorithm is fucked and people only cares bout opinions and speech then artificial#and then these people shittalk our art - my friend art they shittalk the talent they didn't even have#it's so fucking frustrated we have already got struggle in posting arts and fics and now we got this ?!?!? give me a break#fuck all of them fuck all#/neg
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i am reading "art and fear" and i want to peel the skin off my face its so. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#minnie post#this isnt negative by all means#its just hitting sooo close to home#but its rlly inspiring tbh .#ive been struggling w art for a bit#im a huge perfectionist and lately i cant work on a piece for long i have too many ideas or just . get bored of it#i have so much to say but idk how to say it!!!!#then i have all these other ideas that i want to do but idk when ill do them so therye just fantasies rn#this work is making me both extremely self aware and i dont like it but also#its making me feel normal and therefore motivated to just Do stuff#cuz who cares#if i died tomorrow and left my current work behind and that was it#i would be so upset#it doesnt feel like !! authentic enough to me#but also AUAGFUIASIFUGASIUASF#art weird#i want to share more#im gonna share so much#no use keeping it hidden away in my brain for it to just die when i do
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mini rant time:
i HATE it when people solely laugh react my art and/or writing that is not intended to be funny.
it is an awful feeling to have spent hours and hours on a piece and then to just have a bunch of people laugh at your post and nothing else?
when sharing stuff on discord i used to like putting silly captions, bc i do genuinely like making people laugh, and because there's some safety in couching sincere passion in humor. but i realized i have to cut back on doing so because it colors people's perception of the work.
because it is much easier to click a react that's already there than to add a new one, if the first person to react thinks it's funny and that's it, then well, maybe that's all you're gonna get!
it's different on discord vs on more public places. i don't (can't) have any expectations on engagement out here. it just feels a little worse if these are people you sort of know.
i create all art for myself, i can't care about what other people think (especially as a passionate fan of very unknown things, i count likes and kudos on one hand). but i still enjoy sharing the things i care about and it still feels bad to have people laugh at genuine thought and effort! why would i ever want to share something ever again!
#synco talks#ranting on main idc bc this has happened again and again and again for months now and im just#i know that to post a creation is to subject myself to an audience whose response i cannot control#but laugh reacting in particular just feels so... idk. rude. hurtful? it trivializes the very real effort i put into what i create.#esp when it's writing and i know you haven't even read it#esp when it's art that i'm still struggling to improve#it makes me question if i failed in my intent#and like esp if you're also a creator? would you not feel the same way??#x(#a gentle plea to fans out there to take half a second to consider the artist intent and if your reaction is suitable to it#and maybe keep it to yourself if not#laughing at art that's clearly not meant to be funny is like commenting āwhen updateā on a fic without a single word about the fic itself#ofc i can't bring this up directly bc it sounds unbelievably whiny. i am not entitled to anyone's time or attention or support or kindness#therefore: tumblr post#not to end the year on a negative note. i will just get this out there and cleanse myself#overall i still am happy with what i've created and i will continue shouting into the void#and i am endlessly grateful for every kind comment i have received
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do you mind if i ramble in the tags about my weird relationship with making art in fandom for a second
#as someone who is studying art as a career one thing i have realized and also been explicitly told by various teachers#is the fact that having a 'consistent' art style is so overvalued sometimes that it ends up limiting you as an artist#literally i'd say 99 percent of the stuff we do in uni doesn't require consistency. it's actually valued when there isn't one#after all it is about learning and honing skills isn't it#so it has kind of put my personal conflicts in a different perspective#because before i started this degree i used to struggle so much with creation in non-academic spaces (which is pretty ironic. i know)#because the ppl and art i admired was mostly composed of art in fandom spaces#and the most appreciated artists in these spaces tend to be the ones who have a nice defined unique style#which isn't bad. i actually do still wish i could reach something like that#but it made me not want to create as much as i desired because i felt 'inconsistent' and i took that as a negative quality in my art#and it was so frustrating because nothing i tried seemed to 'stick'#which was also due to the fact that none of the varyingly different styles of drawings i posted seemed to reach many people#and yes i have heard time and again the whole schpiel of 'creating for yourself is better and quantity of likes/notes shouldn't mean as muc#to you as long as you're satisfied with your art blah blah blah'ā c'mon. we all want our creations to be admired i'm tired of pretending#like i don't. i put it out there for a reason and it is for people to at least acknowledge it. it's the point of fandom. it's community#it's interaction. or at least it should be. that's another conversation though#so anyways since i started uni some time ago this frustration has been receding but it's very much still present#even more so when i get excited about doing/drawing something and then halfway through i get that pull in my chest of like. i'm actually#starting to hate it bc i can't reach what i want to#and so there's this disconnect that happens because i have many ideas and desires to create but i feel (even if it might not be true)#that i don't have the skillset to meet those ideas#which literally happens to almost if not everyone i know i'm not alone in this. it still sucks though#so i end up with about a dozen unfinished works monthly bc i start it/i reach halfway and hate it/i look at art and get inspired bc artists#in fandom are SO talented/i go back to it/i still can't reach the skill level i desperately want/i abandon it indefinitely#it's a horrible cycle that i really haven't been able to escape lately#it's also worse when you're at a time in your life when you don't actually have the opportunity or the time to try to achieve consistency#because you really just physically don't have the time to practice. which is the number one advice every good artist will give you#i am running out of tags but the point is. i hope we stop subconsciously putting consistent art styles in a higher pedestal bc it can be#very stressful for artists who struggle to find that in their creation#art related
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Hey so, do you ever feel.. Iffy? Bad? Disappointed? That the Fandom at large only became interested in whistlepaw thanks to faer ship with Frostpaw? I admittedly was feeling a bit like that when the ship first started popping up, although I understand that Whis is quite a background character aside from that (and up until then, more or less). So like I get why fae would gain more traction only now but Idk. I can't help but feel a little sad about it since you've made me develop an attachment to this cat. Just curious about your thoughts on the matter!
I get chronically attached to background nobodies, so I'm used to people not really caring about my faves and I honestly like it more that way because popular characters are A Mess of discourse and drama,
but yeah it is a bit sad that Whis is only really seen as a love interest for Frostpaw in the major fandom, but in a way that's also what fae is in the books. Whistlepaw does nothing outside of supporting Frostpaw (and that annoys me So Much for daily whis purposes, I want more material!!!) and I can't blame the fans for not latching onto background WindClan cat #78 and making up a whole world around them
in the end the fandom portrayal is kinda bland, but inoffensive at least. I made Whistlepaw my little silly and have never really cared about the fandom at large; Fae's basically my oc at this point and if a few people enjoy what I do then I'm content
#morningtalks#I understand where you are coming from#I've just always had a more unbothered approach with how many people I attract to my art#I do want to make the whisses a bit more developped#alas canon doesn't give me a lot#except for Wind (which I will probably read in the summer but technically I'm really not there with the books#(I'm halfway through AvOs on a reading standpoint because I read them in dutch translation)#but I might make an exception for The Whis Content)#so it'll be up to me to add more drama to the whisses#I've been thinking of creating a sort of story that I'd have going on for a few consecutive days#but I do kinda struggle to come up with a believable conflict for this plot that isn't just#''stripekit gets stolen by a bird of prey; go save them! (they survive I promise)''#(which I have thought about last year but I'm not too keen on this idea for a plot)#but an interesting story wants conflict so I'm kinda still just tooling around in the void#but I'll see what nonsense I can get up to as soon as the summer arrives#because a more plot-based whis event could be fun to plan and post day by day#I'll also try to nail down a Real character for Whis#because right now Whis is really one of those amorphous blobs o :) in my head and I want to fix that#with real character traits positive and negative ones#and make whis more interesting because whis is my oc at this point and I will make the art for whis I crave
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Kendrick doesn't just hate Drake as a person. He hates the very idea of Drake.
Hip-Hop is rooted in revolution. In defiance. These are the songs of an oppressed group of people, and decades upon decades people have hated it. Accused of being meaningless and invalid. Media outlets took steps to belittle hip-hop and make sure it isn't recognized as an art form and as a means to fight back.
2Pac spoke of wealth disparity and inequality. Tupac was literally a member of a communist organization when he was younger and never stopped speaking against capitalism.
Lauryn Hill spoke of the struggles a woman faces. Not just women, but black women. Salt-N-Peppa. Queen Latifah. MISSY FUCKING ELLIOT.
N.W.A made sure people knew about police brutality and violence against the Black community.
And now, in this day and age, we're also experiencing an explosion of Queer Hip-Hop. Lil Nas X is at the forefront of this. Lil Uzi Vert came out as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, even when they knew that a lot of their fans would never use it or even respect them for it. Auntie Diaries, a song about a young man who grew up in a transphobic environment and bought into those beliefs, but could never fully do it because his Uncle loved him so much and taught him a lot of life lessons, and that wisdom translated to him accepting his cousin as a woman as well.
Drake is none of that.
He's the perfect representation of what people think hip-hop is. Flexing. Posturing. Objectifying women. A fucker so insecure he bought 2Pac's ring just to feel like he's part of the black community. Rejected by Rihanna publicly. Tried to groom Millie Bobby Brown. Kissed and inappropriately touched an underage girl during his concert. His songs have inspired so many young boys to treat girls like shit. His belief that the amount of rings and chains and cars he has is the true meaning of success.
Additional Edit: This is my fault. If this post gains more views, then it would be remiss of me not to add to this. It was my fault to begin with, not stating this beforehand because while I did know, I got lost in celebrating Hip-Hop in a place that doesn't usually do so, and rightfully so.
2Pac did fight for wealth equality and better social living for the black community. He also has a long, long history of battery, domestic abuse, and sexual harassment against women. Specifically against women of color. He made a song to celebrate his own mother, but outright refused to give the same show of respect to other women in his life. His hypocritical nature was brushed off in later decades, just the way I did now.
N.W.A is the same. Sexual assault charges, violenceāthey spoke of Police reform, but refuses to give the same treatment back towards the women in their lives.
50 cent refuses to backtrack on any of his misogynistic lyrics.
Modern rappers of today, such as the dead XXXtentacion. 6ix9ine. Kodak Black.
I do love Hip-Hop. I love rap. And the music itself has always been anti-authoritarian at its core, because those are its roots. And I was happy that circles that did not normally know of it or enjoy it were getting into it, even for one thing like this rap feud.
Lil Nas X, Little Simz, Childish Gambino, Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, Lauryn Hillārappers who have at the very least consistently tried to put their money where their mouth is. Who have tried to act in accordance to what they rap and write and sing for.
@shehungthemoon @ohsugarsims finnthehumanmp3 were the ones who rightfully clarified in the comments. I know an apology won't correct my hypocrisy or my stupidity. I should have added all of this before making this post, but I wanted so badly to celebrate a genre of music but failed to do my due diligence in showing a better, holistic view of it. If anyone felt triggered, offended, troubled, frustrated or any other intense negative emotions surrounding this, please do block me. I'm sorry.
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Astro Notes by Novy
ā volume three
Aquarius placements get a rep for being emotionless but are often quite sensitive but just really good at hiding their emotions
Itās not as commonly talked about as Leo placements but Libra/7h placements make amazing actors as well ā example: zendaya is a 7h sun in western astrology
Asteroids in astrology are important but your regular natal chart planets, houses, aspects, degrees, and signs will tell you the most about your life and self
8h Venus' have the deepest most unconditional love for people. It doesnāt matter what someone does to them they will still have care for them and want the best for them no matter how toxic. They genuinely canāt help it
People with their North Node in the 12th house may experience lots of periods of isolation throughout their life
If you dream of dating your celebrity crush and have a Libra/Leo Sun, 5h/7h Sun, 5h/10h Venus, Venus at 5Ā°/17Ā°/29Ā° or Sun to Venus aspects there is a possibility it could happen. Donāt lose hope ā example: hailey bieberās venus at 29Ā°
I personally havenāt seen many same sign couples last long term. Not sure why
Iāve never met someone with Chiron in the 4th/8th/12th house thatās had an easy life. These people tend to struggle a lot emotionally and be very misunderstood by society/people in general. Even people who have known them for years
Your North Node isnāt your purpose alone itās your potential. You have the choice to fulfill it or not. If you donāt you will reincarnate over and over until you do
Having more square/oppositions than trines/sextiles doesnāt make you a bad person. Iāve seen some people say this and I find it odd. Squares show obstacles we endure and oppositions show tensions/confusions we face in our life but just like Mars and Saturn energy theyāre not inherently ābadā as these challenges can help you grow and you can turn them into positive energy if you choose to work through them properly
Youāll often be more attracted to the energy of the opposite sign of your 7th house than the 7h sign itself ā example: if your 7h is in the sign sagittarius you might actually be attracted to gemini energy more often
The house your Sun is in can show you where youāre meant to shine and be successful ā example: Sun in the 7th house can mean being successful in the arts or having lots of romantic relationships and ending up in a happy marriage one day
Your 2nd house sign can tell you whatās most important for you to value in this life ā example: if you have your 2h in the sign cancer then you should value your empathy/emotions and use it for good
Neptune is associated with nostalgia. People with placements like Neptune in the 1st house or 3rd house may struggle a lot with nostalgia and remembering certain memories better than they actually were
People with a water sun and libra moon are usually extremely musically talented in some way ā examples: ariana grande, justin bieber, madison beer, olivia rodrigo
Most same (sun) sign couples never work out in the long run. Same moon sign couples (especially in sidereal) are more likely to last
The 12th house is associated with catfishing because itās the house of illusion and impersonations. Lots of people who have gotten catfished (long term) before usually have Mercury or Uranus in the 12th house for this reason
Mars can tell how you are in the bedroom ā example: a Virgo mars will please you a lot since the sign is associated with acts of service. Theyāre definitely the type to make you finish first
Someone with lots of Libra energy in their chart will often hold grudges because they seek harmony and when someone brings lots of negativity to their life itās unlikely theyāll put up with it long term contrary to the popular āpeople pleaserā reputation
Iāve personally noticed Capricorn Venusā always make the best love songs
Check Mercury/Uranusā house for insight on what you should post on social media to become more famous ā example: mercury/uranus in the 10h could mean you can pretty much become famous from any type of video, mercury/uranus in the 7h could mean becoming famous from fashion/beauty/dancing/art videos or from posting with your romantic partner online, etc
Leoās usually always have 3 or more children unless theyāre infertile
Everyone talks about how Capricorn/Aquarius placements can show delays but Taurus placements can as well as the sign is associated with slowness. example ā a taurus ascendant may glow up later than most (iāve noticed this seems to be more true in my sidereal chart than western though)
Aries Venusā do fall for people quickly but they can also move on very fast if you hurt them a lot. They hold grudges
A lot of Cancerās have toxic relationships with Leoās. Not sure why
Saturn is actually a planet that can give insight our job as well but not many people talk about it. It is the planet of āworkā. example ā saturn in the 2nd house can indicate being a singer, accountant, chef/baker, model, fashion designer, etc
Venus at 2Ā° can indicate gaining wealth slowly over time. Most of these people gain wealth sometime in their late 20ās - 40ās
People with Venus to Jupiter aspects often end up being wealthy in life. Especially when itās trine or square Iāve noticed
The house the Moon or Neptune is in can show where you have the most influence over others. example ā moon in 5th house can indicate being a very influential actor
Everyone talks about Saturn in the 7th house being a bad placement but I think itās very beneficial in the long run. Pluto in the 7th house is the real challenge. They often experience more toxic relationships than any other placement Iāve noticed
Aquarius Midheavenās do NOT like 9-5 jobs. They hate being bossed around and often are more successful in careers where they have freedom and can share their own ideas with the world rather than be an employee
Leo Venusā (and Leo placements in general) love very hard. Itās why the body part Leo is associated with is the heart
Gemini Ascendantās will NOT marry someone who isnāt making them consistently laugh their ass off or who is too serious
Pisces placements are often great friends and really good at understanding people
Leo placements are known for being loyal but I actually find that theyāre only loyal to the people in their circle not people outside of it that theyāre not super close with
Cancer Saturnās are very likely to spiral into a depression if they canāt let go of their past
Iāve noticed a lot Taurus Mars will apologize and then continuously do the thing they apologized for without changing
Aries stelliums are the biggest daredevils. They often love amusement parks and will ride all the scariest rides
Libra/7h Moons can make a lot of money from acting in romance films ā example: leonardo dicaprio in the titanic
Juno in the 7h/8h is a green flag. These people tend to be very loyal partners
Sagittarius/Pisces actually have the bigger egos since theyāre ruled by Jupiter the planet of abundance and the Sun represents the ego. Abundance of ego
Your solar return charts can tell about annual themes/energy, your lunar return charts can tell about monthly themes/energy, and your transits can tell about daily themes/energy
Mars/Pluto can show the things people tend to envy about us ā example: people with mars/pluto in the 5h/7h should make sure they pick a very loyal partner because they tend to attract home-wreckers that try to ruin their relationships more than anyone else
People with Mars in the 7th house are always fruity. Like I donāt think Iāve met someone with this placement that isnāt at least bi
Libra/7h moons will legit move to a different location to be with the person theyāre in love with. They love very deeply
Aries moons got anger issues for days but theyāre really good friends to have because they wonāt be the type to stay quiet when someone says something mean about you. Theyāre ride or die for their friends
Leo Jupiterās (especially in sidereal) tend to have such amazing acting talent that people forget theyāre watching a film instead of a real life tape
Capricorn placements often have the reputation of being hard workers but letās talk about Aries placements. When they want something they will have it. They never give up, their ambition is insane
#astrology notes#astro notes#astrology#astrology blog#astrology chart#birth chart#astrology community#astro community
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Hi! A little life update.
At the end of October I wrote that I was deep in a depression spiral and due to unexpected occurrences I had been left with basically no income for several months. I had emptied my savings at that point and was feeling extremely stressed, sick and hopeless.
I just want to thank everyone who reached out and offered support or even looked up my ko-fi info and sent me a donation. It was an unfathomably kind thing to do and helped me tremendously. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was at the end of my tether, I had 1,70ā¬ in my bank account at that moment. I was sleeping four hours per night on average because my insomnia was so out of control, and had more or less stopped eating, after surviving on nothing but porridge, bread, apples and buttered pasta for close to a month. Things were kind of dire. No one has ever showed me that kind of unprompted generosity before, irl or online. Thinking that people I've never even met were willing to support me like that both warms my heart and makes me feel kind of guilty and undeserving. I'm not used to being treated like that. I hope I didn't make you feel pressured to get involved. It did genuinely help me put myself back together though. The next day I went and bought some essential groceries and getting to eat properly was a massive boost in terms of energy and mood. I'm doing a little better now. I finally managed to get the financial situation corrected, but it'll take months before my finances recover and I'll be able to go shopping without feeling paranoid about counting every cent and hating myself if I buy a small treat. I mentioned that my seven years old, well-served laptop is on it's last legs, so the remaining funds are going towards putting together a new PC, hopefully soon. I don't really have any product or extra content to offer you as a thank you for the ko-fi donations I received, but I hope it's at least nice to think that they're directly enabling me to continue making more art in the future.
I'm still struggling with intense anxiety every day, and it has caused me to develope some kind of impostor syndrome that is impacting my online presence negatively at the moment. I look at the things I try to draw and the asks I get, and feel like nothing I create, say or write is good enough or worth people's time and attention. I'm having hard time opening up like I used to, and I miss the interactions I used to have here, they were an immense source of inspiration and motivation to me. But I'm trying to work on that, and hoping that posting stuff will start to feel more natural again eventually. This got a little long, but thanks for reading! I hope life treats you well.
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Been in a weird headspace lately and I wanted to put my thoughts and feelings out to give a better idea of what's been happening. Putting under a read more/feel free to ignore.
I've talked about my struggles mentally on and off for a while and this one has been an ongoing thing for me and it's one I feel has begun to stick out more as time goes on.
I don't see myself as a good person. Most of the time I feel like I'm a bad person. And there's a lot of factors that play into this. One, is the things that I draw, which sounds absolutely crazy. Even I think it is as well.
It's no secret that my main priority has always been familial/platonic themes because that's how I've always viewed Gravity Falls as. And I know a lot of people do as well. It's one of the main themes of the show for crying out loud. And it's not to say I'm getting tired of it. That's a thing that has never crossed my mind, ever. It's more so along the lines of thinking it's too boring or falling back to that feeling of feeling bad because I don't make ship art. And I know I shouldn't feel bad about it and there's plenty of others that gladly do it. It's just one of those things that I'm not sure I'll really accept. And I'm always always grateful for the ones that tell me they appreciate all the family bonding/themes in my art. I guess the feeling of loneliness plays a part in that as well. I'll still make all the family things as long and as much as I can, but I won't deny the feeling of loneliness I get sometimes.
I do have that strong feeling that I am made to do something more and actually be someone and not the usual husk of a terrible individual I fall back on so many times. I won't deny anxiety and fear has taken a big hold on me lately. And it's also driven me to isolate myself in a sense and made me a cold person. I was so much more open years ago and now I've closed a good part of me away because... maybe I realized my "correctness" of myself being a bad person and who would even want to be around someone like that, so it's easier to hide. And I'm always afraid that one day I'll do or say something to no longer make me feel like I'm safe to approach. I've gone through so many people I've found that I've grown to like only for them to be an awful person and it sucks. I never want to be like that.
It's also been hard to not fall back to up and leaving. Whether that be online or real life. Last year was a time I fought with staying or leaving and it was always hard to decide to stay because leaving seemed like the only option I deserved.
I'm aware my ongoing battle with depression has hindered me a lot and it's a main factor for all of my negative feelings and thoughts about myself. And I don't want it to always resort to being the final say of who I am. I would like to find and show that part of me I feel people deserve to see.
I'm going to be honest, putting my raw emotions and thoughts like this is always scary. I'm sorry for the unexpected and serious post. I hoped I didn't make it too annoying or bring the mood down, but I needed to clear an ongoing struggle I've had for a long while. Thank you all for the constant support. Thank you for liking my silly, dumb, wholesome, sometimes feelsy art. Wanted to state another serious thing because life is so unexpected and you never know what will happen, but if something were to happen to me, I really can't explain how grateful I am for the love I've gotten from my time sharing my art. Thank you. Truly. š
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Here's a digital sketch dump of some pose/anatomy practices and some 2hu doodles, I think from now on if I don't have any big final piece to post, I'll just post sketches I liked that I did digitally (might also reblog some drawings of mine that I want more people to see, maybe idk).
Artist's Notes:
Ok so after the recent Hifuu fanart I did, I've been hoping to experiment more with how I draw faces, how I render, as well as how I stylize things. In some of the earlier sketches I did, I had an idea for a pose that I wanted to try drawing, so I took a ref pic of myself doing said pose (the leaning one btw) and then did a sketch over top of it just to get an idea for the shapes, negative space, and silhouette. After that, I wanted to do some simpler breakdowns of the shapes so I can get better at simplifying the body (these ended up being the bottom right sketches in the post). I also did some experimenting with how to push certain parts of said sketches to create a different body type (via liquify and then a more refined version based on that sketch), as well as figuring out what makes a pose feel natural and not stiff. This was also a bit of a foreshortening practice just so I can get more confident with it, and I ended up using the arms from the liquified version for the coloured Zanmu sketch I did since I liked them so much (dw I'll get to that).
The next thing I wanted to try and draw was Hisami, mainly because.... I am very bad at drawing her in my style. Last time I drew her I made her look really creepy and spindly, and it is my headcanon now that she can switch between a more human, and more creepy look whenever she wants. I'm liking where the face is going a lot, might have to refine a few things about it in the future, but it's cute (I also made the blush purple which I think is what I'm gonna do with her face from now on). I also like how her hair in the sketch turned out a lot, but the outfit..... not as much... Ever since I started changing my style to something less cartoony, I've had a hard time drawing her outfit in my style. Especially the flower veil thing she has on, which, I did try to find a way to draw, but I ended up deleting that sketch because I didn't like it. I'm also not a fan of using the colour purple, like, pure purple, magentas are fine, indigos are fine, but not strict purple. I also have a hard time with drawing all the little pattern details on her dress. I also need to find a way to draw the flower veil in a way that looks good because everytime I try it ends up just looking off (very similar to whenever I try to draw Zanmu's blue spears). I think the only solution to this problem is to do what I normally do and make my own version of the outfit, but with adjustments to suit my style while still trying to keep core elements from the original design intact (like I do with Zanmu and Keiki, and yes I am going to get to that Zanmu drawing just gimme a minute).
Ok next up is Keiki, my favourite Touhou character who I haven't drawn since the beginning of the year. Since my style has changed a lot, I wanted to just do a face sketch of her to get a hang of drawing her again, and I..... really really like how it turned out! When I drew her eyes, I realized that a good way of keeping faces too same facey can be via varying the sizes of their pupils, so that's an idea I'm gonna keep in mind from now on. I had a lot of fun with her hair, I initially was gonna do it like how it is in the official art, but I ended up not liking it, so now I'm gonna draw Keiki with wavy heir like this because it's fun and it looks nice. I also included my base sketch for Keiki's face since I was initially struggling with drawing her bandanna, and in the coloured sketch I added some more detail into her hair.
Now to finally talk about the sketches for Zanmu. Good lord was I having a tough time with her face. I also did this sketch before I figured out how I wanted to draw hair, so that's why the rendering on her hair is different (I did this soon after the Hisami sketch actually). Since I changed my art style a lot, I had to find a way to translate her face from my more cartoony style to my more detailed style, so while the face shape, nose shape and mouth was fine, I was really struggling with the eyes. I did get somewhere eventually though, and I am super happy with how it turned out. I wanted to lean more towards the androgynous side of the gender presentation spectrum, mainly because I think that makes sense for her character. Also made sure to include the silver hairs and some wrinkles just to bring some signs of her aging into her face because those are just staple features of how I draw Zanmu at this point lol. You will also notice that I gave her some scars on the right side of her face, and that's because I am a Zanmu-with-scars truther, I fucking love it whenever I see someone give Zanmu visible scars like that it just adds so much omg (I also tried to put a wolf bite mark on her arm in the full body drawing but idk if it reads well). While you can argue that her not having scars sells the idea of her being this "powerful, untouchable mastermind who is impossible to defeat," I'd say that instead of those scars representing times she got injured, they represent everyone who has failed to defeat her.
As I was drawing Zanmu's face, I referenced my sketch of to help with contrasting their features since I made Keiki's face more traditionally feminine. I also didn't mention this in my commentary on Keiki's face because I wanted to save it for here, but giving Zanmu scars also plays into the fact that she used to be human, wheras Keiki doesn't have any scars because she's a god who doesn't follow the rules of normal human biology. Plus I'm thinking about the two of them interacting again (return of Zan/Keik??? (I'm a multishipper btw) maybe???) so drawing their faces together will definitely help me in the future if I wanna draw them together (again, maybe as a ship? I've kinda been ironing out the kinks in their potential interactions (romantic and non-romantic) for a while now so idk maybe expect that in the future lol).
And now for the full body drawing, when I was doing the face sketch I did this little snippet of an outfit, had a vision, and the made it into a reality. I'll admit, part of me was worried that it would end up looking too much like Yuugi's outfits in the spinoffs and mangas, but I feel like I made enough changes to differentiate them. I tried to keep a few of the major details in Zanmu's design (i.e. the red tassles and yellow lining on her shirt) while putting a new spin on it. I also dialed up the scars to 11 since without them the whole thing kinda looked incomplete. Also, while I could say that the leaves on her kimono are "a nod to the fact that technically she should be a tengu because back then people belived that corrupt monks would turn into tengu but no Zanmu is an oni and they're maple leaves because...tengu...ahahahaha" what really ended up happening was that I looked up clothing patterns from Sengoku era Japan, liked the leaves the most because the red picked up on the red from the rest of her design and just ran with it. I also always had the idea to put Zanmu in men's clothing from Sengoku era Japan and while the accurate thing to do would be to put her in a Buddhist's clothes from that era.... from a character standpoint, I don't think Zanmu is pious enough to strictly wear the proper monk uniform, and also since she's basically the king of Hell, she would probably dress herself like royalty from that era. TBH, I probably could've been a bit more historically accurate, but again, this was mainly for conceptual purposes because I had a vision and I needed to see it through.
If I were to draw her in this sort of outfit again, I should probably try and use more references, although now that I look at it, if she were to wear it properly this would maybe, probably look a bit closer to a Kyūtai sugata (a very huge stretch, but it just kinda reminds me of that) just without the layers under and over the main piece of clothing (In the website that I searched up to try and compare the outfit in my sketch to, they name the outfit pieces but don't label them on the image, so I don't know 100% what everything is called) so I will definitely have to use that style of clothing as a reference going forward.
Also, I was kind of inspired by the ToTK design for Ganondorf since I have finished the game a while ago and I absolutely love what they did with his design (it's just so fucking cool omg) and I thought that sort of look would look good on Zanmu, so yeah got some inspo from that.
And those were all the notes for each of the sketches, I'm motivated to draw rn but kinda art blocked, so doing these little coloured sketches helps a lot.
#touhou project#art#fanart#sketches#sketch dump#zanmu nippaku#keiki haniyasushin#hisami yomotsu#touhou 19#touhou 17#unfinished dream of all living ghost#wily beast and weakest creature
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