#NOT ONE OF THEM. JUST TAGGING ALONG TO BENEFIT. POINTS. PARASITE FEELINGS

[suckinitup]

oh my GOD dude are u still doing the fic title thing.... IF YOU ARE i am going 2 give u a choice btwn Dendrogaster and Devour The Past (<< titles of two of my current wips hehehe. i have 2 modes for fic titles and they are song lyrics or types of parasites. apparently.)

Without the book, Ashe has panic attacks.

Seizures, Mark had said once, when they'd taken Ashe to the doctor.

Ashe, ten years old and three months away from slamming his door for the first time, had looked up to Mark in askance. Mark's lips had thinned and he'd subtly shaken his head and told Ashe, later, that he'd needed to explain it in a way that the doctors would understand. Most people were still excited by the resurgence. There would have been a lot of attention drawn to them if they came out and said that Ashe stopped breathing every time his magic book was taken from him. Maybe Ashe himself would have been taken away.

He keeps the book tucked under his arm most of the time. It's a comfortable weight, folded up with his phone or helping him prop up drinks and snacks he carries into his room. Turns out that magical horror books don't stain, which is pretty sweet.

The book sits in his lap late at night and he runs his fingers along his spine as he listens intently. The door shuts softly and Mark's footsteps are heavier than usual. He's hurt, Ashe knows, and Ashe doesn't breathe as Mark trudges past his bedroom and to the basement. The book comes with him when he sneaks out of his room and tiptoes across the hall—like bringing a talisman from home into an unfamiliar land, although the hall is his home, is inhabited by him more than Mark, even... but in the darkness, his breaths soft and quiet as he listens for his dad, he feels like the intruder.

The book warms Ashe's lap as he sits by the door to the basement. He can hear Mark rummaging around down there, grunting as he moves the washing machine aside. The floor is hard beneath Ashe's legs and he hugs the book to his chest. He doesn't know when Mark will emerge again, but he'll be gone before his dad realizes that Ashe isn't in bed.

When he sleeps, he'll still be holding the book.

--

HEY MAC HEY HI HEY HI!!!! Me looking at those titles like •_• because DUDE. DUDE. DUDE !!!!!! Is dendrogaster the horrible nhw trickster and Ashe one I bet that's the horrible nhw museifier. Anyway. Hi. I physically cannot write more than This ^^^ rn because a full fic would be big and meandering and dancing around the actual point for 10k before hitting g you with a frying pan. At first I was thinking something with dakota—tasty lil bleed into his eating thing and his interesting relationship with his past and Specifically how it must have fucked with his head when he got his powers and was even hungrier all the time. But thisnisnt about him rn this is about ashe winters the kid who destroyed his parents feeling like a parasite. This is about Fucking dendrogasters and seeping into cracks where you aren't wanted. Thered be this whole parallel symbolism thing between Ashe and the book and mark and ashe—ashe can't get rid of the book, Mark can't get rid of Ashe. Thered be this neutral/positive tone from Ashe about the book but he'd feel like a burden and an intruder in his own home and then sometimes he'd feel like MARK is rhe intruder into HIS home despite Mark buying it and furnishing it and bullshit. Ashe feeling like the single father + child dynamic is parasitic meanwhile he's nurturing the fucking parasitic book which is gradually becoming More and More part of his life—he uses it to prob up his drinks, starts summing creatures for easy tasks. Starts relying on it for social connection

... meanwhile there's that one page that killed his fuxking mom but hey as long as he doesn't read that one it's all fine!!! And then. You know. Am I explaining this well idk if I am but just THINK dendrogaster and Ashe Winters in the same sentence and then think abou5 exploding and then I think you'll get it. God !

[andallhisausterenhost]

After Action Report: Aeldari Civil War

As you are all aware, last week @littlemangsofwar and I had an Eldar-on-Eldar game against each other.Unfortunately, I haven’t had the right kind of headspace to do a proper narrative report like I did the last time we played a game of 40k. It’s a real shame, as @littlemangsofwar has done a great job with his army list - every unit, every vehicle, every squad leader has a name. It’s actually really cool.

Zariah the Swift, Consort of Hesperax leads his Wyches, (alongside Lilith herself, of course), while Dalinah the Proud, Tairin Bloodsinger, and Olrai the Brutal lead bands of Kabalite falseborn atop the Raiders Silent Blade and Bringer of Sorrow.

In lieu of a proper after action report, I’ll share with you the photos I took during the game to show off @littlemangsofwar‘s moody green paint scheme (which looks fantastic). @idisimages came along about halfway, so some of hers are sprinkled in this post as well.

Next time I’ll keep track of the action a bit more carefully - maybe with some notes, or at least photographing turn dice or something, and I’ll put some actual effort in! Mangs* and I are hoping to have fortnightly wargames of some kind, so hopefully the after action report tag can get some real use on this here blog.

We each took a 1700 point list. Mine was pure Dark Eldar in three Patrols and an Auxiliary (understrength Incubi); a small band of the Coven-I-have-yet-to-name, every Cult unit I owned, and all my Kabalites. I even brought the unpainted Scourges and a squad of 3rd edition Mandrakes I intend to sell.

Mang’s band was a Battalion of mixed Dark Eldar, plus the Ynncarne in an Auxiliary Support Detachment. He therefore played his guys therefore as a Ghost Eldar army, but didn’t actually get to reap the benefits of it very much, which guiltily makes me feel like I was at an overwhelming advantage during the game.

Our mission was two-fold; Take and Hold and Kill the Courier. As Kill the Courier becomes a Sudden Death match (which is a bit boring), we decided that a courier-killer would get an extra 5VP. That meant it was enough to be seriously overwhelming in one direction or another, but not instantly end the game.

I think that next time, I’d like to play some Maelstrom game that requires constant drawing of Tactical Objectives. Some of them look really fun! Especially the insane Dark Eldar objectives like ‘hurt everyone in the other army in different ways’. Hilarious.

Deployment was the pointy ‘meet in the middle’ wedge. You can see the centre of the board (red marker, above), at the edge of an pre-Fall ruin. Most of the board was pre-Fall ruins, with the pathetic remnants of the buildings of some servitor race lying crumbling amidst the ruins.

The Ynnari and their cultist minions are seeking ancient Eldar artifacts, while the Kabal of the Sun Betrayed, ever eager to collect and preserve the past in their own brilliant, venomous way, are here to do the same. Conflict ensues.

I deployed the new Coven units on the pointy edge, with the swamp on my right forward swarming with Cult of Splintered Sight beasts. On my left flank was the rest of the Cult, as @littlemangsofwar had deployed his own Wych units there (including Lelith). I thought it was be fun to have the two gladiator gangs fight it out.

It was fun, but mostly for Mangs. I charged into the fray, firing as much darklight weaponry and as many plasma grenades as I could muster to bring down one of his Venoms, so that my Wyches could at least chew on some vulnerable flesh, but nothing worked.

Eventually, the cultists of the Wych Cult of Strife got out and, even without Cult special rules, started cutting through Wyches. My last few fled under the onslaught, only the Succubus surviving to fall back and await another opportunity.

Eventually (turn three or so), I did get revenge, as I was able to deep strike my Scourges exactly 9″ from the Succubus Zariah the Swift; she was burned alive by four heat lances. A truly murderous debut from my scourge mercenaries, who now deserve a coat paint! I’m just a bit anxious about their cool wings.

Here are @littlemangsofwar‘s Scourges from the back, so you can see the nice job he’s done.

In the centre of the board was where all the fun was. Mangs opened the game by incinerating my Clawed Fiend and summoning from his tortured corpse the Ynncarne! In colours of lavender and pale green, looking the very image of the last hopes of a tormented civilisation in decline.

His squad of jetbikes then charged the one of mine positioned nearby and, despite losing one lad on the way in, did proceed to cut into them pretty neatly. In the swamp itself, my beasts hurled themselves into the Ynncarne who... yeah, he just sliced them to bits. It did hold him up for a turn! That was nice!

Mangs also blasted the hell out of my newly painted Haemonculus and his little friends - which, to be fair, I did have them sitting on an objective for a reason. They absorbed a tremendous amount of fire, which was pretty cool. That was all they did, until I used that stratagem in the late game which allows you to bring them back, at which point they marched back to the objective and held it again. Very fun, if not very nice of me.

On my right flank, Mang’s two falseborn squads hunkered down in cover while my trueborn flew around in their venoms. I made little pew pew noises, and had a grand old time... and then my Blasterborn squad evaporated the Ynncarne.

I feel bad about that.

My Archon and his Incubi bodyguard, despite losing a couple mates to heavy fire, took care of the Ynncarne’s Reaver pals. I then advanced him to join with the Haemonculus and fight Varathi the Silencer and Varathi’s Blades. Unfortunately, those Eldar on the Path of the Warrior (however debased) fell before these two aeons-old monsters.

I want to acknowledge at this point that Mangs had some pretty rotten luck and I, uncharacteristically, was rolling pretty well. The Voidraven Bomber, despite its terrifying nature in the fluff, did something somewhere between fuck- and piss-all. I lost a few wounds off the Raider you see there on this fly-by, but not enough to take it out.

It was about this point where we were willing to call it. @littlemangsofwar‘s ghosts were all but spent. He still had a bit of a lead in terms of points, thanks to taking two objectives early while I was faffing about shooting him from gunboats. We agreed it wasn’t enough, as I was beginning to secure the objectives myself and had vaporised his courier (the Succubus).

However! I did do something for a bit of a lark which would be a terrible idea in a serious game: I decided to fight Lelith Hesperax with Me’draus the Eclipse, Archon of the Kabal of the Sun Betrayed, the Sunkiller, the Vral’wern’a, &c &c. I mean, I also had the Succubus** join in. I’m not an idiot.

So even though @littlemangsofwar had generously called the game for me, we decided to see how the brutal melee would go.

I did not go well. Me’draus had his shadowfield fail in the very first roll of the dice, of course, and so Lelith butchered him in a single round of combat. While the Splintered Sight Succubus did manage to inflict a flesh wound on the succeeding round, Lelth quickly put her down as well.

The Haemonculi would charge Me’draus a premium for such a foolish, arrogant waste of his cloned flesh!

Result: VICTORY

See below the cut for a brief summary of our respective lists.

Kabal of the Sun Betrayed: Alliance of Agony

The Kabal of the Sun Betrayed uses the Kabal of the Flayed Skull attribute. Why not the Kabal of the Black Heart? Because Vect is really bad writing and I hate him, that’s why. Anyway. List:

Archon (agoniser; soulthirst)

2 x 10 Warriors (splinter cannon; sybarites have pistols)

2 x Raiders (splinter racks, trophies)

2 x Trueborn (one with shredders, one with blasters; shredder dracon has phantasm grenades)

2x Venoms (trophies; shredder carrier has snares)

Scourges (4 x heat lances)

Incubi (x4)

These had to go in a fourth detachment (Auxiliary) because they’re below strength. Why? So that they can actually be the Archon’s bodyguard! When I finally paint a car for them, it’ll be worth it.

Means I probably can’t play in tournaments with this kind of list, which is dumb (surely paying 1 CP suffices? eh) but I’m not sure I want to play in tournaments anyway.

The Cult of Splintered Sight uses Cult of the Cursed Blade, mostly because of the +1 strength. The only time the Morale bit came up, the only remaining model was the Hekatrix anyway!

Succubus (glaive, hypex, parasite’s kiss, treacherous deceiver)

totally forgot about treacherous deceiver!

hypex because she doesn’t have a car yet

10 x wyches (one of each wych weapon; adrenalight; agoniser)

Raider (trophies, chain snares [not that I used them])

Beastmaster

4 x Khymerae

Clawed Fiend

2 x Razorwing Flocks

2 x 3 Reavers (1 heat lance each, cluster caltrops)

I modelled them with caltrops, but actually think the other one would come up more often.

The Unnamed Coven used the Prophets of Flesh for this game, but I don’t know if I’ll keep using that. It is definitely useful, but I dislike things associated with the Kabal of the Black Heart (which Urien Rakarth is), and I like the madness/Morale rules associated with the Dark Creed. See how we get on.

Haemonculus (Liquifier Gun, Scissorhand, Ichor Injector)

He was a Diabolical Soothsayer which I totally forgot about.

He’s armed as the model is, but eventually I’ll convert a more modern model for him and this model will be demoted to Wrack.

6 x Wracks.

6 x Mandrakes

These did exactly nothing after I deployed them which, eh. I really like the new (well, 2010 is new to me) models, though...

Lelith’s Band: Cultists of Death

Lelith Hesperax

Zariah the Swift (Succubus)

blast pistol

3 x 10 Warriors (blaster, dark lance, blast pistol, power sword)

These guys are seriously well-equipped, but unfortunately not well equipped against other light infantry.

Lelith’s Concubines, 10 x Hekatrix Bloodbrides

Led by Elaria the Savage, Syren

Varathi’s Blades (5 x Incubi)

Varathi the Silencer

Jaik’s Band (6 x Reavers)

The Purple Rain (5 x Scourges)

Led by Naimari the Silent with a blast pistol.

1 x Haywire Blaster

They’re actually equipped with soup, but @littlemangsofwar had to shave some points for an even match-up.

Kondro’s Bane, Voidraven

Very disappointed in this unit’s effectiveness. Shatterfield missiles do a lousy 1 damage? D6 shots, 3+ to hit, 3+ to wound means you’re only going to do, like, two damage with the thing per turn. Void lances are better, sure, but you still only get two shots.

Bringer of Sorrow, Silent Blade

Raiders

Sharpstrike, Swiftkill

Venoms

The Ynncarne (1 x Greater Daemon of Ynnead)

Absolute monster, but I think I managed to get lucky on my first time facing him and do exactly what you should do against him: pin him down with chaff and then blast him with, uh, blasters.

Anyway, it was a great game, and @littlemangsofwar continues to be an absolute gentleman to play wargames against. He said he had fun, and that we might even start doing this regularly! (I think I said that above? That was like an hour of typing ago...) That would be great, right?

Our next game may be an intro game of Full Thrust because: spaceships. Otherwise, maybe some Kill Team, or potentially another game of 8th edition 40K. I haven’t actually had the time to get any painting done this week, but I wouldn’t mind trying out the new scouts. Or maybe the Kabal of the Sun Betrayed could make some slaves of his Imperial Guardsmen...

We’ll have to have a bit of a chat about it!

*Writing out his full tag each time is like calling someone by their full name in casual conversation. It’s bloody annoying.

**I really, really need to give her a name!

[lastsonlost]

How To Survive In A Horror Movie

1) When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.

2) If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion or who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.

3) Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

4) Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.

5) If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them at once. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note: it's unlikely they'll die easy, so be prepared.

6) When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go it alone.

7) If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town's old abandoned mansion, don't tag along. Especially don't tag along if everyone's going as couples, except you're the odd guy/gal out. And if you're the gang's jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you're driving with them to the place.

8) As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

9) Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other domicile of the dead.

10) If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

11) If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

12) Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead.

13) Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

14) If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

15) If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

16) Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine or Massachusetts.

17) If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

18) Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, weed-whackers or any device made from deceased companions.

19) Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

20) Never, never, NEVER try to communicate with something icky because

"there's so much we can learn from them".

21) Don't make fun of or play with dead things.

22) If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

23) If a meteor strikes nearby, move out of town.

24) When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the engine over many times before it will fire up.

25) If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.

26) When you happen to be one of the fortunate ones and actually make it through the film alive, never, NEVER sign on to do a sequel. If you do, expect to depart this world in the first five minutes.

27) Never have sex in the bunkbeds of recently renovated summer camps.

28) Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy.

29) People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprised and delayed by encountering their flayed corpse at some point.

30) On no account do ANYTHING because someone dares you to.

31) If you realize that the people in your town/county are having their minds taken over by some strange force, alien or otherwise: DO NOT call the police as they are

either already taken over themselves and will turn you in or

will not believe you and laugh at you. Either way, you must handle the problem yourself.

32) If a small band of children appear to be smarter then the adults that are around them, be cautious. If they stay together in a small, secretive group, and display nothing but hostility towards their elders, authority, and the church, leave town at once. If you wish to stay, be as kind to the children as possible, but expect to die anyways because you are inferior to them.

33) If you assist the villian of the film, do not expect gratitude in exchange for your services. In fact, do not expect anything other then

death, which will come in the final minutes of the film and usually over the girl you have become attracted to, but the villian wants as their own.

34) If any animals, such as Birds, Pirahna, Spiders, etc. begin to exhibit behavior that seems a bit more hostile towards mankind than normal, immediately call in the authorities, get out of that town, and do not try to talk to any scientist who specializes in that animal (ornithologists and the like) for they will not believe you.

35) Whatever you do, DO NOT keep pets such as cats, dogs, hamsters, or anything cuddly. If you must, do not let them out of your sight for so much as a second.

36) When you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.

37) When one of your spaceship's crew finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of disobeying the previous rule), don't let him back on the ship. The guy's dogmeat anyway.

38) When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of disobeying the previous two rules) never wander off alone to hunt for the ship's cat.

39) Never, EVER go in/out there (There being the attic, closet, barn, basement, dark alley, dark anywhere else, the all-concealing shadows, the woods or the lake)

40) If someone who seems important tells you to do or NOT do something

(like DON'T fall asleep, DON'T leave me, DON'T look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding-psychopath by yourself) by all means, listen to them, unless doing so would break another of the guidelines.

41) If you manage to lose a few body parts along the way, don't despair. Take this opportunity to replace them with weapons, such as chainsaws, harpoons, etc.

42) If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo you have, you'll run out just before you kill the monster (unless your name is Ash, in which case, you'll never have to reload)

43) If you are wounded by flesh-eating zombies, abandon all hope, because sooner or later, no matter how many anti-biotics you take, yer gonna become one of 'em.

44) If you're the the last main character left, and a bunch of people are hunting the monster/monsters DON'T stand out in the open, because you will immediately be mistaken for a/the monster.

50) Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or any other strange noises from the other side.

51) DO NOT go into the dark room.

52) If you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible! The only one who ever survives is a female.

53) While in a horror film, never bathe, especially when in the house alone.

54) In terms of weaponry and general equipment for fighting the monster, never rely on any tool more complicated than a pointed stick. Generators will inexplicably run out of power, just as the nasty space-vegetable climbs onto your jury rigged electrical grid. Just when you've got the ghoul lined up in your sights, your gun will invariably jam.

55) If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.

56) Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.

57) Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.

58) If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, when you're supposed to be alone, don't follow the noises to see who your "guest" is. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want to die!!

59) Never pick up the phone and call for help, chances are your phone will be dead and the next thing you'll see is the monster swinging some sort of sharp object.

60)If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.

61) If the Master does not approve, neither do you.

62) Never handle the rat-monkey cage.

63) Your dog can take care of itself..

64) So can your spouse...

65) And your kids.

66) Self-sacrifice is a bad idea, as the person you saved will usually die anyway.

67) Skeptics are always proved wrong in some horrible, nasty, painful way. Be a believer.

68) If you're not a main character, suicide is a quicker and easier way out.

69) Your plan takes into account all possible situations...except for the one that actually occurs.

70) Don't be a smart-ass. It'll only get you killed.

71) When you have actually gotten a monster down on the ground with your gun, immediately empty all your shots in the mosnters' head.

72) Never be present immediately before, during, or anytime after a successful demon/devil/monster summoning.

73) People driven by veangance always die.

74) Mentioning any goals in life, anything to look forward to, or any loved ones will get you killed.

75) Never, under any circumstances, go to summer camp.

76) Puzzle boxes are hard to solve for a reason.

77) Feel no guilt.

78) If you throw away some possession of yours (antique dolls and ventriloquist's dummies in particular), and you find it again in your house/car/pockets/etc. move to another country IMMEDIATELY! Of course, it WILL be waiting for you in the car as you go to leave.

79) If you try to run away, always take the bus. If you take a car the monster will be in it. Cabbies are always demonically possessed. Monsters will destroy any plane/boat you try to take. And you have to go through dark, underground stations to get on a subway.

80) If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed.

So cheer up!

81) If you see a loved one you know to be dead, RUN AWAY! Many people will ignore this bit of common sense, but remember: you can always buy a new pet, always have more kids, and always get a new spouse/S.O.

82) If you're being chased by a monster and you think it's behind you, chances are it will appear in front of you (and if you're a girl, this will happen right after you trip and fall, and then stand up and look behind you).

83) If you've beaten the monster into a bloody pulp and you're sure he must be dead, take the opportunity to dismember, burn, eat, blow up or otherwise destroy him.

84) If you're being chased by a monster and you find one of your friends and they ask "what's wrong?", don't stop and try to explain. Just tell them to run as you go by. If they're really your friend they'll follow. If not - that's their tough luck.

85) If you should easily enter a home that you've either heard a scream from or there is no sign of life when there should be, do not be surprised to find that all means of escape (i.e. doors, windows, etc.) will be locked, effectively allowing the monster to come within a gnat's hair to you.

86) If you should run across one of the escape routes from the previous rule that is made of glass, DO NOT waste time pounding on it. Breaking it would prove to be a better course of action. (Remember, a cut-up hand is better than a chest wound.)

87) If you are a good dog you have a 50-50 chance of survival. Good dogs will only die if they stand up to the monster in defense of their master. Bite the hand that feeds you and run away!

88) If you are a bad dog (bad dog!), you WILL be dead by the movie's end. Therefore, kill all people you encounter, except for your ex-master, whom you feel strangely compelled to avoid.

89) If you're a cat, just hide your head and pray that the monsters won't eat you, the Catholic Inquisitors won't burn you as a witch's familiar, and/or the horny teen-age guys don't throw you over the edge of a cliff to see if you land on your feet.

90) If you're a bird, CONGRATULATIONS! Your people will triumph and rule all in the end (or you might at least escape your $%^& cage!).

91) If you are even somewhat religious, BECOME AN ATHEIST IMMEDIATELY! Otherwise, monsters will invariably seek you out, gloat in defiance of "your weak faith," and say mean things about your deity.

92) Whenever a strange weapon is presented (e.g. a harpoon gun, flare gun, can opener, etc.) TAKE IT! If you don't, the monster will, and sooner or later the weapon WILL BE USED! Better you use it then the monster.

93) If you find a lot of dead people running around making zombies out of the living, kill yourself IMMEDIATELY! There is no happiness to be found when you're being eaten alive.

94) A single monster can never be killed. Multiple monsters can never be driven to extinction. Therefore, try to get one kind to go after the other.

95) When you fight a monster use fire, electricity or acid whenever possible. Preferably use all of the above. And an atom bomb.

96) ALL atomic weapons cause normal creatures to grow huge and carnivorous. As do all chemical and germ weapons.

97) ALL genetic experiments will create humanoid mutants (whether or not human/primate DNA is used) with BIG teeth and claws, and a tough hide impervious to bullets. NEVER play God and try your hand at gene-splicing!

98) Always make eye shots whenever possible as all mosters ignore chest/limb attacks. If you hit the eye the monster will be blinded for a while (maybe ... and if you're reaaallly lucky... and if the creature even has any eyes to shoot in the first place).

[tipsforcats-blog1]

Tips And Tricks For Taking Care Of A Feline Companion

A cat can make a cherished member of the family.You should do your best to keep them from becoming infested with bugs. These pests can take a toll on your cat against. Keep reading to learn how you can take care of your cat.

Check with your shelter when adopting a cat. Shelters always have plenty of great cats in them and their adoption fee will generally cover necessary vet care. Adopting from a pet shelter benefits the cat this way helps to save their life and cut down on unwanted animal births.

You need to take your pet to the vet on a check-up regularly. Cats need yearly shots so they don't get sick and overall health assessments. Try to stay with the life of your pet's life. This ensures that your vet will have an excellent understanding of your cat's medical history.

Deter your cat from shocking themselves on electrical wires by spraying them with bitter apple. If that doesn't work, hide the cords as best you can. You can do this by bundling them and tucking them in the rolls that are used for paper towels.

Keeping your cats from the counters can be hard. Cats love being up high vantage point so they can survey their surroundings.You can try to combat this problem by giving your cat to hang out.

Think about getting a microchip for your pet. Even indoor cats that live their lives entirely indoors can suddenly escape out a window or door. Tags and collars can help you cat return home, but cats can sometimes take these things off or they could get hung up on a tree or something. Microchips are tiny and contain all of your important contact information.

You can sometimes find better deals for cat medicine online rather than getting it from your veterinarian. In an emergency, however, of course. But, for routine medications, you will be able to save up to half the price if you buy online.

A tablecloth should be made for the feeding area can be quite useful.Cats sometimes like to eat food from the bowl and enjoy it straight off the ground. This creates extra work since you must then clean later.

Try to figure out the cause if you find your cat meows. After some time, you will come to know what she wants by her meow. When you pay attention to the cat's actions and cues, you can improve your relationship.

Be very careful when leaving your cat with a young child. A child less than five years old should not be left alone with a pet. They don't know what harm they can potentially do to kittens. As children grow, you will be able to decide when it is the right time for them to handle a cat or kitten without supervision.

Cats enjoy being high places. You can even place a blanket to give your cat feel more comfortable.

Do not discipline your cat if it makes a mess in the area outside of the litter box. If your cat makes a mess, it may be because you have not kept the box as clean as you should.Punishing the cat may cause him afraid to be around you or their litter box.

If your cat only eats one brand of cat food from the beginning, this will most likely be the only food they will eat in the future.

Take your cat for vaccinations on a regular basis to keep him healthy and strong.Your cat needs these periodic checks and parasites.

Dogs wag their tail when they are happy or excited to see their owner comes back home. Cats wag their tail for very different reasons than dogs though. A cat wags its tail is either feeling threatened or predatory and is considering his next move.If a cat you are holding starts flicking his tail, putting him down keeps you safe.

Your cat should be kept inside whenever it can be near your home. Cats who stay inside have a much better life span and are less likely to get diseases and parasites.

Think about restricting your cat and how it should be strictly one that remains inside. Outdoor cats are less friendly to humans and are more likely to catch many diseases. Some of the illnesses can actually be passed along to humans. Let your indoor cat rest in a place where it can look out a window so that they can get the feeling of light; this will help satisfy his or her outdoor needs.

Parasites can be a problem for your cat, just like most cats. These pests will stay on your cat unless you do something about it. Prevention is often the key to successful treatment. Take good care of your pet, and it will appreciate it.