#NO coming back from this. This is going to to insane thigns to my brain

[mostautisticsinner]

Im literallyinsane about that french guy

[somnilogical]

they will never be as strong or as fast as i can be

copy/pasted from a convo:

<<somni: ive been exploiting being able to talk about everything vs miri/cfar cant do what i do bc if they did they would talk about how they are evil. it would all chain back.

somni: omg i can just post this to my blog because i can talk about my meta-strategy and it confers pretty much no relative advantage to miri/cfar. because 1 most of them have disassembled their agency so its like talking in front someone who works at the dmv about taking over the world and the ones that have any agency (basically just anna salamon) have to work with and coordinate via brokenness the masses that have and 2 feels secure in the way that saying ill use my soul as my weapon feels secure, like the power of this technique doesnt depend much on people not knowing im using it.>>

truth is entangled and lies contagious. justice is entangled and injustice contagious. in order to sustain their facade, miri/cfar had to chain back to lie about the principles of decision theory itself. lie about the organization structure of cfar, lie about miri's fundraiser. and so much more.

any series of reasoned claims they make will chain back to stuff thats false or injustice, because they seek to maintain a region of untruth and injustice.

so yeah, miri/cfar basically cant talk in public except in staid formalities infinitely pouring the same entropy of "these people are psychotic" "these people are infohazards" "do not read what they write" "stay the course" "everything is under control, do not panic" "i know my associates at miri/cfar, they are good people" "if you talk with these people you may become a rapist". but not actually able to manifest dynamic compute. to explain themselves they built their own personal room 101, filled with miri/cfar affiliates and formed a united front of gaslighting. deluks (author of that one rationalist blog where they worked to read and summarize all the others) talks about the kind of compute miri/cfar manifested:

<<deluks: I also updated a lot based on Bay Area safety discussion

idk if I have ever been in such a hostile environment for anyone trying to discuss making thigns safer

If you wanted to discuss how Anna et all were innocent people would happily chat with you

If you tried to discuss ideas for making things safer either you got silence

or people would be insanely hostle if you plausibly slipped up at all

or even seemed like you might have been not careful enough in how you phrased things

extremely careful -> no engagement at all//even slightly less care -> get dogpilled>>

they have picked up the optimization style of of cops, as alice maz described them:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

i can travel lots of places and regenerate truth and justice.

i can go to a trans support group in the bay and show them logs of what elle said and did and they can recognize the pattern of minority oppression, transmisogyny.

i can talk with uninvolved decision-theorists about why paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail." is wrong. and why exploiting your subjunctive dependence as a udt agent to not pay out is right. they cant.

--

miri/cfar have to centrally coordinate on lies or they start crashing into each other. independently generating falsehoods in isolation makes them point in all directions.

independently generating and working off of truths allows everything to point in the same direction without needing to communicate. i can write this post and then idk maybe someone im algorithmically colluding with on this writes another post and they dont come out all distorted and skew with each other. this caches out in what looks from the outside as an uncanny ability to start dynamically colluding with people and output distinct strains of philosophy based on shared precepts.

interference with yourself looks like kelsey piper trying to claim that emma and somni are starting some sort of rape cult and anna and miri/cfar trying to claim we are naive victims of ziz's cult and ▘▕▜▋ claiming emma and somni are mindhacking ziz to make her bully them and jade nameless claiming im doing this to get a job at cfar and ...

since they make up their fake coordination points independently they smash into each other. if they want to coordinate over lots of people they then have to work out which of these they want to coordinate around in a sort of market of falsehoods. and have to arrange for it to not contradict any information anything people know. but they dont know all the information everyone knows, and they wont know it even after combing through lots of blogs and reading lots of discord chats.

when they try coordinating on falsehoods like this, its hard to get a coalition together in an environment where what people know is rapidly changing because a bunch of anarchist bloggers keep posting things in a bunch of places on a non-centrally controlled schedule determined by what seems like a good idea at the time to independent agents. and having lots of conversations with so many different people in private and public they cant keep track of them all.

if they try pretending to be dumb and forming a unified gaslighting front in one area. then people will exploit the fact that this is the internet and not the evolutionary environment, take logs and post them somewhere else where everyone didnt collude to be dumb in this particular way. so while their monkey brains get a rush of endorphins from being able to successfully coordinate local humans, what feels like an entire tribe, against the blasphemer, actually they just used their adult intelligence to defeat in front of a bunch of people who dont share their political commitments but who can reason about what is true and what is just.

(of course there are many truths this doesnt work on because of large inferential distance, shared mammalian biases it takes an unusual mind to step over, and shared incentives. but the defense of most regions of injustice and untruth when you ask questions have to keep chaining to more and more absurd things until you are defending causal decision theory or start claiming 'anna salamon, the president of cfar, is not involved in cfar's hiring'. which depend on a social context committed to defending everything that protects miri/cfar and people who dont have the same conclusion-that-must-not-happen can see that its dumb.)

if miri/cfar had committed themselves to the path of expanding agency, maybe i wouldnt be posting my thoughts and meta-process on the public internet. (in the counterfactual where they committed to this path, its likely that i wouldnt be protesting. because it seems actually-hard to stay on the path and remain evil.) but as it stands, i expect this information to differentially help anarchists and do about as much good for statists as explaining updateless decision theory to someone at cfar. its just this inert structure in their brains, they cant do anything strategic with it. they intentionally shut down their ability to take ideas seriously and drive out anyone left who can, calling them crazy.

what they can do is "oh here is a list of people to target" and "see if they said anything incriminating". ive seen their attempts to coordinate enter the attractors of 'authoritarianism' (duncans dragon army, kingsleys "repent and submit to [AUTHORITY FIGURE]") and 'lets all lie in the same direction and disable general cognition to update out of this! the important part is social agreement and that everyone allows social reality to have the final veto on their beliefs. i myself do this so you know im super safe and this is super fair.' (anna and kelsey). this sort of weak coordination based on breaking people can be easily subverted by anything real.

--

if you are actually right, you can exploit useful properties of being right and let that be your asymmetric weapon. such that all that challenge you know they will know its steel. and then people who compute the outcome and expect to lose, dont fight in the first place.

if my chosen weapon were actually the size of my muscles and imposing figure compared to anna salamon as miri/cfar people "believed" (exploiting the already extant anti-transfem psychic suppression field as one of their few functioning coordination points. probably not as functional now after what i have written.), then when i fought people it would create a warp field such that then people with smaller muscles wont fight in the first place, but id be deluged by people with larger muscles. i dont want to create a warp field that summons people with lots of muscles.

if i exploit properties of my souls, of truth and justice. then i have an arsenal of techniques that are stronger if i actually want to save everyone, if im actually right, if im acting for justice. because they exploit useful differential properties of each. and the warp field in higher density summons ... people who care about saving the world, truth, and justice. in other words, a high density of potential allies.

by default i want to exploit "the difference is that im right" not "the difference is that i have larger muscles". i want differential power to push away those who are wrong and unjust and attract those who are right and just into a kind of warp hull.

there are other reasons as well.

[the-reactionist]

my ‘bad blood’

there is a fascinating iterview with Carl jung where he sepaks about Hitler; upon readign it i understood some thigns about myself; [link]

i look like hitler, so does my grandmother on the father’s side, and her son - my biological ‘dad’, thus we must have a connection;

Jung explained soemthign imprtant about adolf hitler - he was a witchdoctod, from the african tradition of witchcraft; that is  a very powerful voodo traditiona dn i thik goes back to ancient egypt times, too; but it’s dark still for me and i don’t realize the full thing for now; the fact is that its awitchcraft absed on fear,a nd it is worse even than the black witchcraft in europe during the middle ages - 

now that is where my mother’s bloodline is - i asoociate her fatehr with the nrose diety ragnar, and with european witches, but also with the people who fought witches by torturing them and buring them, and they themselves came from a bckground of religious self-torture - they were fanatics; jut like the diety ragnar is;

hitler was not just tht though; actual practical amgic , i read in one article somewhere, came with the crusaders from the lands of the middle east - all the alternative teachings that were abundant there i  amny sects and cryptic practises, some fo which we now can call demonic; they were ased on fear; dark magic, inherently;

the witchdoctors that hitler’s brainw as connected with came from taht dark tradition, in africa; and my parents on the side of my ‘father’ are turkish indescent and they have taht strong persian /arabic vibe; but in a not always good sense, unfortunately; they fer lack and thus they become selfisha nd brutal, too materialistic and demanding of abundance in abusive ways, even gross, pervrted sexually ways - my grandmother was a pedophile and she sued to touch me and my sister as small girls and we developed insane brainfuck ebcause fo that;

there is mroe to it, unfortunately but it’s hard to formulate for now;

so jung spoke of hitler as a doll, a voodoo object; he was not a sensible epros, but possessed, especially in the end; my father strikingly resembles hi m and it is very undertsandible why my mother liked himbecause she carries a desire for vengance and love for nazi order in ehrself; she loves germanya nd how everything is organzied disciplined and strict there; which for me is torture and isanity when it comes to my subconsious; but that might e just my turkish descent’s flaw; i am gonna explore that i n later posts; i amcertain it must be this;

because actually germanic structure of society and manners of living are related directly to the norse gods system, which ie xplored too at one point; and so do amy other peopel; so ti is a virtuous and humanistic system, not merely brutal and agry; 

my take on it comes from MY INNEE SHADOW which is  hatred of lack fo abundance3; i love gold flowing from my shower when i am showering, if i have to put it in words; in truth i feel msierable fi im nto in the warmth of the desert and eating freshly picked fruit by the peopel who work for me - my bloodline is related to the pharaohs, and to cleopatra... so its peopel fo high status and powerful positions in society; nothing to match with my other familiar’s village way fo life and the cozyness of the woods, the cbin, the fireplace, the woolen clothes and the home; we are leaders and rulers and love glory; just love it; we are capable fo hanling muc stress and we are actually immortal; so that shadow aint taht abd either;

but black magic ia frica sprung in places where peopel lived in mysery so there sia  lto fo aggression there to this day, as you very well know - i am not well educated on tribal peopela nd their wys of though; i am always surrounded by civillized people, and civilized criminala ctivity - yakuza, gangs, drug lords, dictators, spies, agents, police and military; but never brutality of the lower vibrational level - people whoa re animalistic and they dont realize their diviity within;

i dont judge that, i am clarifying wher is atnd in the world we are living in; to me such peopel are scary ebcause they refuse the light of God;

i love my cleopatra roots, they ar really wise and loving, playful and lusty; tjhis was her word up there; bless her heart! she was a beutiful woman;

s for the egyptin pharaohs, they are said to have been seeded by the starpeopel themselves, the gods, tahts why they carried divinity in the dna of normal humansa nd spread it across the centuries of their rule, mating with many and ruliung in the lands of the original human beings - africa; they were very feared and hated, especially by those who woudl later on become dark wizards in africa, dark voodoo practitioners and the brain-masters behind the puppet hitler; they hate humanity in many levels, tehy hate civillied humanity anmd their power is brute force; amny of todays africna dictators have that encoding in them; i am writing this to spread awareness on the subject ebcause my cleopatra self is still a politican and i cant escape my need for being powerful player that helps govern the outcomes of the plitical stategies and happenings that amke up our near futures; i decide to do that in a soft manner, nto as a politician, but s an inspirational perso, in art, in real-life stories i share and have suffered slongside many of te others slaves of today’s society and the capitallistic structure that is not functioning for the well being fo the people but fuelling fearful and greedy dictators worldwide, insetad of terating the wounds of the past, and present, and takign care fort the future of the nature and environment of this earth; it could have been the other way around thus i am using my psychic and goddly abilities to brainfuck the ill-minded leaders and to insipre ordinary folk to be more proslerous, joyous and bold in their ways of viewing and experiencing life and reality;

my leadership is warm and heartful; i am cleoptra

*i even look like leonor varela and we share the same name lol

[idk if tahtw as achanneling right now but i hve ahd those before too, so dont take the words eprosnally, but like a energy that i amc hannelling but also repect and associate with myself somehow, wich i as the way for me to expand - taking in stuff and finding comparisons between me and them or if i revere somebody ro soemthuing - go out of my ways to enact their ways and learn new startegies fo thinking about life and operating in it - as happened with the boy i am loving from 5 years now ; i wanted to copy every bit of him and paste it into my Self and tehe merging oif the two is a compelx and very eautiful rpocess full of itegration, sorrow and painfuless;

but cleopatra herself was amazing; she is a ebodiment of the goddess ISIS, occording to one article - JESUS; thats a very ineterstign tale as well:

she was a devotee to the goddess isis and the last pharaoh of egypt and the turns of events in the world lead her to reincarnate in the form of Jesus; her last lover - Mark nathony was like a small boy and although the romance was passionate, she was liek a mother to him too; there the mary/jesus/mary magdalene separation was created, into new symbols that comprise the same characters and had been played out amongst humans ever since that era - the mary/jesus/mary magdalene archetypes are mcuh more ‘common’, ordinary - a lot more people, poor people, not pharaohs and clergy, or goddesses/gids, can find their selves in those archetypes, and thus grow their hearts strong and loving for their divvinity, embracing at the smae tiemtheir humanity;

it is interestign now to delve into the aspects of isis/cleopatra/mark anthony and gender roles, because those are also improtant aspects of the separation the christian order; cleopatra is a god - nor male, neither female; but jeus has gender preferences; so he is not god, but a human;

christ consciousness is a mass consciousness ascencion project; aimed at elevating the entire humanity to God; and cleopatra /isi is the source of it; but keep ti a secret ;)

i’ll stop here for now

[recovord-blog]

Yea i can’t seem to find it, the essence of my self

and i stretch into these words hoping that they’ll help release a few breaths.

MY anxiety as a robot im a transformer for fucksake and i’m done connecting thoughts for the likelyness of likes. I can’t keep tihs up no more.

My life is ruled by thoughts. And i find them in the ocean of my anguish and fuckled up parts. I’m stuck finding analogies and not even refreshing myself. im still painting pictures when the artists have retired. and i can’t seem to find out my self or i can’t seem to catch it. it keeps hiding behind these mazes that even icarus can’t provoke it. I dont know where to start and i dont know where it parts all i know is that im hurt and im looking for a person to help. Im sick of providing my own tragic traps and im genuinely seeking help in every aspect of my life. I understand that not everything in life is fair and that in all seriousness this may not seem like anything in retrospect but currently and most importantly, it feels like it is crushing me in every way. The resemblance to insanity is scary and the acceptance of that insanity is approaching at a faster rate than i hoped. I want to get out of this and find myself unhinged by the burdens of my thoughts. There is so much backed up that i can’t even seem to function properly my mind is shutting down again and i am typing at a rate that cant seem to begin to follow my rhought  things are probably not going to make sense due to the speed of which i am letting things out i am currently closing my eyes to let the fight and the words that come up like incongruent shapes that are not reflecting the self thati am despeately trying so hard to reach becasuse right now everything seems to go sporadically just like the insertion of these words. to be honest my head is spinning ewith everthing that is happinging my mind is letting loose without the judgement of the thoughts and it hurts and there is a misconception of the way that i am feeling because i am and i am and i am insane in the membrane. Can i regurgitate the words that are coming out of this brain probably not because they come out like a fucking garbage truck. Theyre constantly following the inconsistent traits that accompany my writing style and the anxiety that comes from the expectations i have ingrainedin my head of how i should be writing. There is so much backed up that it would take days for me to unleash all the nonsense that is back logging my brain. There is just so much. Like for instance i have been doing uber and i always drive around thinking about myself. or the way i reacted while trying to be myself which ends up being something that doesnt stack up to the expectations of the self i want to be so i get stuck in a mini thought cycle. There isn’t much enjoyment ebcause my reality is a bunch of these little mini loops of thought. That i have planted all over my life like fucking mines. My mind is at constant war with reality and theres on side that thinks and another that just is. Im literally fighting against a wall. And my mind is throwing mud at it thinking not realizing its created a dynasty to overcome. I have been trying to focus on my day to day routines but the real problem is the fact that i think to much about so many small things that i cant seem to believe a single thing that causes a bunch of distrust within the mebrane that i t even makes me believe that i cant believe what i am typing in a sense because what i am typing is a regurgitation of the things that are hindering my growth and that there are keys that are being used to distract myself from waht i really need to be doing and whatever i am doing is being overtook by another one of my mechanisms which is to zone out and observe which only feeds into my thinking processes and i cant seem to escape that either. There is no escape from my mind the third eye is too strong im finding myself losing humor and the ability to associate with people because i am constantly overarching each moment with a overburdening of contemplation. Its become so automatic that i can’t even recall thigns anymore.  I am a complete asshole who is wrapped in narcisstic tendencies that are destroying any growth and making me avoid the real issues at hand this in adjacence of my constant tensionn traps has caused the dissonance between me and my memory cognition. I am goign TO OVERCOME THIS!!!!