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poeticpascal · 1 year ago

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White Lies (Joel Miller x Reader)

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Summary: Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: violence, Joel kills 3 dudes (what murdaaah?), descriptions of blood and wounds, stitches, Joel feels guilt and shame but is also very soppy and very in love, fuff and angst all tangled up, descriptions of chronic pain

A/n: I have had a bloody nightmare the last few weeks with suspected endometriosis, which is what inspired me to write this. In my head, reader has endo and the medicine is some sort of contraception or strong painkillers to help her manage it. But it isn't explicitly mentioned so you can imagine whatever you most relate to. Please do let me know what you think, and as always, requests are open!

It’s a harsh winter, even by Boston’s standards.

The QZ is coated in a veil of thick snow, the blizzard that took hold weeks ago now bruising the streets with an icy fist.

Joel pulls his coat tighter around himself, grateful at least for the cover the snowstorm offered, the skies foggy and grey. He can slip through the alleyways much quicker, much quieter beneath the frost. His footsteps are erased almost as soon as he leaves them, and when things get messy, he can soothe his wounds in the freeze.

Which is good, because things get messy a lot.

Not that he’d tell you that. You were too pure, too gentle; not unlike the snow that paints your doorframe now.

No, Joel keeps those things from you. The world has been unkind enough, and if he has one purpose now, it’s to protect that sweetness of yours. To collect it, each golden ray of sunshine that so easily radiates from you, to give it back and let you bask in the warmth of your own soul.

No one deserves it more than you do. Least not him, and yet you’d given him more love, more sweetness, than he could ever dream of.

That’s why he told you he was working a late shift today - sewage, he thinks he said - rather than where he actually is at 3am, catching his death in an old littered alleyway.

He occasionally shifts to avoid the silver moonlight dripping from the gaps in the fire-escape stairs above him. Tonight’s meeting should be a simple one, free from FEDRA’s strict patrols; he’d done this long enough now to know when, and where, was safest for these things.

He stays on high alert, though. Just in case.

Marco’s late. He isn’t known for being the most competent of dealers, but Joel was getting desperate now, and he was the only crook in the QZ who could get what he needed. He was a small man, a bit pathetic looking, really. But he was smart, and he had connections that even Joel couldn’t make for all his smuggling and dealing.

So when Joel’s supplier told him he couldn’t help him anymore, he didn’t have a choice. That’s what he tells himself, anyway.

“Miller, there ya’ are.” Joel’s snapped out of his thoughts, his looming regret of this whole situation, as Marco strolls down the alley. He grins, in the same cocky way he always did, the sort of grin a man who couldn’t win a fight but has enough men who could wrapped around his finger, doing the dirty work for him.

Joel insisted he come alone. Not because he couldn’t handle his goons; he knew he could. Maybe. But it would cause a scene, and draw attention, to something he very much wanted to keep under wraps.

He’s semi-surprised to see the two men walking behind Marco. Deep down, he’d had some faith that the dealer would stick to his word.

“Quiet the fuck down,” Joel warns, seething through his teeth as his eyes search the alley behind them, making sure they hadn’t been heard. “Who are your friends?”

Marco follows Joel’s gaze towards his companions. “They’re just here to observe.”

The men are the same height as Joel, maybe a little taller. He recognises both from the sleazy speakeasies that lie beneath the floors of the QZ. Where the bad guys go.

One is bald, with a jagged scar carved across his cheek and over his eye. He’s scowling, unlike Marco and the other man, who looks somewhat softer with thick hair grown to his shoulders and brown eyes that stayed on Joel like bedrock.

“That’s not what we agreed,’ Joel growls.

There’s tension in the air, thick, and they must feel it too because Marco’s henchmen each have a hand hovering near their sides, where silver blades reflect the white of the snow.

“I recall us also agreeing that you’d get your meds in return for the money. But we’re doing things a little differently today.” Joel remains stoic, though his eyes turn dark and angry, the moon’s light no longer illuminating his features. Marco tiptoes slowly towards him, getting so close that Joel can feel his breath and raising a hand to pick a piece of lint from his flannel shirt. “I want my money. But you might have to wait a little longer for your meds.”

Joel reacts then, squaring up to him, stepping forward and clenching his fists. The other men wrap their hands around their blades, anticipating a fight. Marco just laughs.

“‘Scuse me?” Joel asks, though they all know he understood what was going on.

“You’re gonna give me the amount we agreed. And then, you’re gonna speak to one of your guard friends, and cut me a deal. Then you might get your meds.”

Joel’s anger swells inside him like a beast, his previous care to stay hidden long gone as he imagines driving his fist into Marco’s smug, son of a bitch face again and again and again.

He has to think this through, though. He needs those meds. Marco can see the cogs turning. “Just give me the money, Miller. Don’t make this difficult. You can’t take three of us.”

“No?” Joel retorts, already decided in what he’d do next. “I don’t think it’s worth findin’ out. Give me the meds.”

Marco sighs, dropping his head and stepping away from Joel, leaving him to face his men. “Shame, Joel. You really coulda helped us.”

He nods to his men, who immediately draw their blades and attack. The first lands a punch on his face, the weight of it surprising him as he falls back into the railing. Before he can recover, the other has already plunged a blade through his stomach, right below his ribcage. He controls himself, swallows the yell that claws its way up his throat, tries to think. The cold steel of the rail stabs into his back, and when another fist collides with his cheek and sends him to the floor, he uses it to haul himself up and tackle one of the men - the softer one - to the ground with him.

Marco only stands and watches as Joel throws his weight onto the man and smashes his head into the stone floor. The other grabs his shoulder, spinning him round but Joel’s prepared this time and he dodges the swat of his knife. Instead he throws a punch into his stomach, making him double over which gives Joel the opportunity to grab the knife strapped to his calf and drive it through the bald man’s throat. He stumbles, collapsing to the floor with a choked cry, and Joel turns back just in time to see the other man trying to stand, though the injury to his head makes him dizzy. Joel stands first, easily pushing the man to the ground, and stomping on his head with as much force as his steel-toed boots would let him. Both men stay down.

Marco has regressed into the darkness of the alley, and he looks somehow smaller than usual. He’s pathetic, and if this was any other job, he’d laugh. But this wasn’t a laughing matter, and there was only one target for him; the medication.

The smaller man reaches into his pocket, searching for his gun, but Joel anticipates the move and has already reached him and thrown him against the wall before he can find it. His movements strain the wound in his abdomen, but he doesn’t care. Doesn’t feel it.

Joel’s fist pins Marco to the wall by his throat, making him splutter and flail like a fish out of water.

“Where are the fuckin’ pills, Marco?” He just continues to flail, trying to pull Joel’s hand off of him with both of his own, to no effect. Joel scoffs, throwing him to the floor and dragging his knife out of the now dead henchman’s neck. “If you won’t tell me, I guess I’ve got no use for ya.” He uses his shirt to clean the blade, the flannel already soaked in blood, his own.

“For fuck sake, Marco whines, slightly out of breath. “They’re at my place.”

“There anyone else there?” Joel asks, so nonchalantly that it almost sounds like a passing thought.

“No, no one there. But you’ll need me to get you in.”

Joel looks up again, the now-clean knife held in his fist with a vice-like grip. He stalks towards Marco, ignoring his desperate pleas.

“Shouldn’t be a problem-”

With that, he stabs him in the chest, letting him choke and gasp on the floor and searching his pockets for a key. He finds it, and does a quick, final survey of the alleyway. The once perfectly settled snow is disturbed, kicked up in the fight, and deeply stained with blood.

Joel curses, but leaves, only now noticing the burning pain from his torso. He leans against the wall, now stood out in the street, open; but there are no guards. He doesn’t think he’d care. Instead he grabs a fistful of the snow around his feet, packs it into the wound, hissing at the sharp pain of the ice but quickly feeling relief as it numbs him.

This was going to be a long night.

—------------------

It’s another couple of hours or so before he returns. There were, in fact, people at Marco’s place - but Joel knew that would be the case anyway. They weren’t a problem.

He’d showered in Marco’s flat, after taking out the men hanging out in there. Protecting it, he assumed. And he’d found a med pack that let him stitch up the wound to some degree; it was a hack job, but it should do the trick. He’d had worse.

The most important thing was that he found the meds.

The old door of your place creaks as he steps inside, quickly closing it behind him before the cold could enter. It’s futile, really; the wooden pillars are rotten, decaying so badly that the wind sweeps through the cracks with ease, and he can see dustings of snow on the floor around your windows. But he tries anyway.

“Joel?”

There you are.

It’s scary, honestly, what your voice does to him. Even so quiet, so distant from the bedroom upstairs, it lifts the weight from his shoulders that he thought he’d carry forever.

“I’m here, baby. I’m comin’.” He pulls off his shoes, placing them neatly beside the door just how you like, and heads upstairs. His bloodied shirt is long gone, buried in some forgotten corner of the QZ, where he has a collection of discarded items by now.

You don’t reply, he doesn’t expect you to. He reaches your bedroom, gently opening the door and sighing at the sight of you lying there, curled up between mountains of sheets and pillows.

He’d almost think you look peaceful if he didn’t know how much pain you’re in.

“Oh, honey,” he laments, crossing the distance from the door to you and kneeling down beside your head. You open your eyes, though they’re weighed down by exhaustion, and a small smile creeps onto your lips at the sight of the man before you.

“Hi,” you whisper, letting a gentle hand poke out from the duvet and brush his jaw. He can’t help but grin back at you, the total mess that took place just hours ago wiped from his mind completely, and he leans into your touch.

The both of you just stay like that for a moment, your thumb sweeping across his cheek, his eyes never leaving yours. Then you wince, and no matter how much you try to hide it, he can see the wave of pain inflict your body.

“I’ve got your tablets, sweetheart.” He reaches into his pocket, a desperation to his actions now; he hates seeing you like this. You just nod, pushing a meek but honest “thank you” past your lips, so quiet that he almost doesn’t hear it. His heart swells.

Joel presses out one tablet and hands it to you, then picks up the glass of water that stands on your side table, making a mental note to replace it later. You take the pill, grabbing hold of his hand before he can pull it away, and give it a gentle squeeze. He follows your lead and tips the water to your lips once you’ve placed the tablet on your tongue, gently helping you swallow and squeezing your hand right back.

A look of relief washes over your face, and he finally lets himself relax. He stands, letting go of your hand and leaning over to kiss your forehead, before pulling off the clothes he’d taken from Marco’s wardrobe and climbing in beside you.

He only knew heaven in these moments with you, late at night, when your hands reach for him beneath the sheets and your head nuzzles into his neck. It’s no different tonight; he’s quiet, unsure if you’d fallen asleep in those few seconds, and as much as he wishes you’d rest, he can’t deny the way his lips curl when he feels your gentle touch wrap around him.

“How was today? Doing the sewage?”

Joel swallows. “Yeah, yeah. It was fine. Don’t you worry about it, sweetheart.” His arms envelop you, holding you tight against him, one hand drawing gentle circles on your back. He’s lost in the bliss for a moment, letting it wash over him in waves, when your hand brushes his haphazard and you freeze. So does he.

“Joel,” you say; it’s still a whisper, but not the tired kind you’d given him earlier. It’s like you’re too scared to ask. “What’s that?”

He panics, holding you tighter, trying to think. He can’t believe himself for not remembering to cover it, to make sure you didn’t see.

“There was an accident today. I did some building work before I went to sewage, a pipe fell. Nicked me real bad-” you gasp, forcing yourself to sit up with shaky arms. Joel immediately pulls you back down, his hands grasping your face, staring into your eyes like they held the world inside them. It’s dark, but they glimmer, and he just hopes you can’t see his fear.

“No no. It’s fine, baby. I’m fine. Got seen by the doc, got a couple ‘a stitches. Says i’ll be all good by tomorrow.”

“By tomorrow? Joel that doesn’t sound right-”

He interrupts you. He hates this. “I promise, baby. That’s what she said. I promise.” He wipes a thumb across your cheek, and the way you seem to settle, to believe him, makes him ache. He hates this.

You nuzzle back into his side, placated. You trust him, endlessly, and he hates that he abuses that trust just as much as he needs to protect you. A means to an end, he thinks.

The two of you are silent for a few moments, your hand lay gentle over his wound. Like you’re trying to heal it. He thinks it’s working.

“Thank you for picking up my medicine,” you say.

“It’s okay.” His words are quiet, muffled; he’s got his face buried in your hair now, revelling in your scent, and really, he doesn’t want to talk about this with you. He doesn’t want to lie anymore than he already has.

You’re still oblivious, though. Still sweet.

“I’m so glad you can make my rations cover it. I don’t know what I’d do if they made them more expensive.”

Oh, babygirl, he thinks.

Because your rations don’t cover your medicine. Neither did his. Even combined, they’d hardly cover a drink in the bar these days. He’d seen you work and work and work, in spite of the pain that bloomed in your abdomen and tortured your bones until you could hardly stand up anymore, and he saw the way they laughed in your face and turned you away when you tried to get the help you needed. When you tried to trade your labour for medicine. You were nothing to them.

So he told you he could barter the price down. That it was best if he goes from now on, to make sure you’re not taken advantage of. He takes your rations, stuffs them right back in the savings pot you keep above the shelves in your kitchen, and leaves to make whatever underground deals he needs to in order to get those meds. And you didn’t know a thing.

He must’ve been quiet for a while, because you continue. “And I’m glad you don’t do those scary things anymore.”

That gets his attention. “Scary things?”

“Yeah. Like, the smuggling and stuff.” You take a breath, tighten your arms around his waist. “I mean, I know why you did it. I’m glad you were able to look after yourself.”

Joel curses to himself, unable to wipe the tears that brimmed in his eyes as you spoke, because that would mean letting go of you.

“But I’m also glad you don’t do that anymore. You go out, and you work, even the horrible sewage shifts like tonight.” You giggle, but Joel can’t even force himself to smile. Shame consumes him.

“I’m proud of you, Joel.”

He’s silent. He doesn’t know what to say. He feels like shit.

If you notice his stillness, you don’t mention it. That alone makes his heart ache; you’d always been so understanding, so careful to make sure he’s okay while knowing exactly how to handle his feelings.

It’s odd, really, how fiercely you protect one another. He doesn’t let the darkness of the world so much as touch you, and you extract the horrors from his veins like a vacuum, making him forget the damage was ever even there.

His eyes flitter down, watching you drift asleep, finally at peace and free from pain. He exhales.

He’d never feel good about lying to you. But some things, he thinks, are worth it.

You are worth it.

And so he brushes away the hair that’s fallen over your eyes, trying to fight the droopiness of his own so he can keep them on you for just a second longer. But sleep overtakes him, and the only reason he lets himself fall into dreamland, is because he knows he’ll find you there, too.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x yn #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fluff #joel miller #pedro pascal x yn #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #my writing #poeticbarnes #poeticbarnes writes

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heavyhitterheaux · 3 months ago

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One Way Street (NSFW)

AN: Go watch The Instigators!!

Synopsis: Meeting Scalvo has put you head over heels when you move back to Boston after graduating. Little did you know, the person that you fell for isn't exactly who you thought he was and that the relationship between the two of you would never be the same again

Pairing: Scalvo x Reader (The Instigators)

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Walking along the Boston streets, you were taking in the fresh air on a beautiful autumn day when a bakery came into your view and you couldn’t help but to smile. However, it wasn’t just any bakery, you had come here plenty of times growing up and now that you had finally graduated college and moved back to spend some time with your parents, you had to make this be your first stop after your plane had landed last night.

Walking in, the smell of fresh donuts hit your nose as you looked at the rows of display cases trying to decide what you wanted to get to take home for yourself as well as your parents. Mr. Besegai owned this bakery for as long as you could remember and when you looked up from the display case, you saw him coming out of the storage room with someone hot on his trail. He was tall, had curly hair, and for some reason his hair seemed to be damp, almost if he had just taken a shower which had you slightly confused. He looked to be in some type of rush and bumped into you as he had taken out his phone to glance at it as he was trying to get to the exit.

“Oh, sorry about that.” He simply said while not bothering to look at you. But once he finally made eye contact with you he held your gaze for a second before you snapped out of it and finally responded back to him.

“It’s okay, no worries.”

“Never seen you around here before, you just moved here?” The curly haired man asked you and quickly shaking your head you told him no. Nobody ever intrigued Scalvo, but now that he had set his eyes on you, he was curious about the brown skin girl with the dyed auburn curly hair.

“No, I just moved back. I just graduated from University of Maryland. I grew up here.”

Mr. Besegai was watching the exchange between the two of you as the wheels in his head started turning on how he could get his plan to work as he pretended that he was simply wiping down the counters. What you didn’t know was that because of your father being a big time lawyer, he had spent the last four years in jail and had recently gotten out due to having good behavior because in actuality, he had gotten fifteen. It was all due to a misunderstanding, but your father wasn’t trying to hear it. Your father and him would do business all the time and would constantly be meeting at his bakery. When your father had to bring you along, Mr. Besegai always made a point to give you a free donut. It changed every time since you didn't quite have a favorite flavor.

He wanted to get back at him for what he had done and knew that using Scalvo to get to you was going to be his best bet. If he could get you to trust him, that would make this job ten times easier.

As far as he knew, Scalvo didn’t know who you were and he was going to do his best to keep it that way so that his plan would be able to work. He had found Scalvo wandering the streets of Boston when he was eleven and took him in after his grandmother had passed. As soon as he was old enough, he introduced him to his world of how he was able to make so much money and from that point on it was history. The two of you had never crossed paths before since you would be in boarding school the majority of the time.

Just last week, he had approached Scalvo and told him about his newest plan in order to rob the big time prosecutor for what he had done to him and then Scalvo had told him what he had done to his father which he had never mentioned. Your father apparently had convicted him of a crime that he didn’t commit and was sent to prison to serve out his time. While he was there, he had another run in with another inmate and ended up losing his life. From that point, Scalvo began running away from home with his grandmother and felt that nothing made sense in the world anymore. That’s why he was the way he was now. It was all simply business with him. He didn’t show emotion, let people in, and simply kept everyone at a distance. The only thing on his mind was making money and getting back at Mr. Lawson who stole his father away from him.

They simply had to wait until a big event happened in the city for the plan to be executed. Mr. Besegai had zoned out for a minute, but as he tuned back in to pay attention, he actually saw Scalvo smile which had never been a thing before.

Yeah, this would be the perfect thing to add to the plan.

“I guess I'll be seeing you around then.” Scalvo told you and you couldn't help but smile.

“I guess you will.” You simply answered, but was quickly interrupted by Mr. Besegai.

“Y/N, what donut do you want today for old times sake?”

“Oh, I can…”

“Nonsense. Pick out a donut and a cake to take home. Always good to see your face around. Maybe you can be a good influence on Scalvo here. He needs friends.”

Scalvo’s eyes went wide as he looked at him annoyed while you were focusing on the display of treats in front of you.

“Hmm, I could always use another friend and I'm feeling the maple bacon donut and red velvet cake.”

“Coming right up.”

After he boxed up your cake along with your donut, you were on your way and you made it a necessary task to say goodbye to Scalvo who once again smiled at you. Once you were gone, he quickly interrogated Mr. Besegai.

“Who is she?”

“Oh, Y/N? Beautiful girl who comes from a beautiful family. Known her since she was born practically. She would be a good influence on you because God knows you need it.”

From that first meeting, Scalvo didn’t quite know what it was, but you intrigued him. He felt a weird sensation in his stomach. Were those the butterflies that people always talk about? After getting your number, the two of you had gone on several dates to which Scalvo’s surprise he actually enjoyed so there was no doubt in his mind to ask you to be in a relationship with him. He was actually surprised that you said yes. He would simply be going over the plan to get back at Mr. Lawson during the day and spend time with you at night. It had been about four months since he and Mr. Besegai had been planning and knew that it was only a matter of time now, but the biggest thing he had to do was have patience.

So, they both had to make sure that they did it at the right time in the hopes that nothing would go wrong. Scalvo felt that he had waited long enough and it was finally time to get him back for what he did because at this point, the only thing that he did for Scalvo was ruin his life.

The two of you were currently taking a walk after you had had dinner at a restaurant that you had chosen in the city, and was simply taking in the fresh air before Scalvo dropped you back off at your apartment although it was a little cold outside. Scalvo had laughed when he saw you come outside from your apartment, but as soon as you said that you were still cold, he took his scarf to wrap it around you.

You had noticed that he had been extra quiet over the past few days and made a point to ask him about it. As you two were walking, you simply nudged him with your elbow. Breaking him out of his trance, he turned to look at you.

“Hmm?”

“Why are you so quiet? Is something on your mind? You’ve been really quiet since dinner, well actually these last few days. You know that you can tell me anything.” You asked him as you stopped walking and he quickly followed suit.

“Yeah, but it’s nothing for you to worry your pretty little self about.” He told you as he lightly grabbed your hand and put it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“Are you sure? You know that you can always talk to me. I’m a good listener.”

“I know you are, but it’s just not something that I want to focus on right now. I’m here with you enjoying your company and that’s what my focus should be. I’m sorry that I got so distracted.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

He was far from it, but if he pulled this off it might make it a little better.

What Mr. Besegai didn’t know about the plan was that he did plan on robbing him, but he also wanted to end his life.

An eye for an eye.

He wasn’t about to tell him that and simply kept it to himself. His biggest thing was to not get caught because he knew if he did that he would serve serious time and more than likely would never get out.

Killing a big time lawyer? He would never hear the end of it.

And you would probably want nothing to do with him after that.

Only two things kept him going at this point, getting money and you.

He couldn't lose you, not now.

After he pulled this off, he wanted to be done with this life but didn't know how that would go when he told Mr. Besegai.

He would probably try to kill him because of how much he knew, but he needed to try.

He needed to try for you.

He wanted to be better for you.

He wanted you in his life for the long haul even though he imagined that it probably wouldn’t be very long.

“I’m okay, promise.”

“Then are you actually going to tell me what you do for a living? You take me on these lavish dates, but have yet to tell me.”

Scalvo laughed to himself before he answered your question.

“I make investments in companies and when they take off, I get to see the money that comes from it. I just don't like talking about work when I'm with you. You're my peace from all of that.”

“You must be pretty good at it then.” You told him as you two sat down on a bench in a park that you two had come across on your walk.

The only thing he thought was that he was simply good at it enough so that he didn't get caught.

“I guess I’m alright.” He replied as he shrugged, but you simply smiled at him until he asked you what was up.

“What?”

“You are too modest and never give yourself enough credit. But what are you doing this weekend?” You asked as an idea popped into your head.

“Nothing important. But if it has to do with you, I just might make an exception.” He told you as he pinched your cheek making you laugh.

“My parents have a cabin in Montreal and since I'm not doing anything either, maybe we could go.”

Scalvo smiled at the thought of you wanting to spend the weekend with him but there was a problem. Montreal was in Canada and he needed to get across the border.

With a passport.

Something that he didn't have.

Well he had a few days and could probably come up with an idea to make it happen. Maybe Mr. Besegai knew a guy because he literally always did.

“Okay and after this, I'm planning our next date since you planned the last two.”

“There's a jacuzzi too just so you know.” You said as you smirked.

“We're definitely going to be putting that to good use.”

–

The relaxing weekend was coming to an end as you two decided to go in the jacuzzi one last time before driving back down to Boston. The two of you had planned to leave in a few hours hoping to get back in the early hours of the afternoon. You were currently sitting on his lap while he had his arms around you.

“Thank you for this. I needed it.” He whispered in your ear as a small smile graced your face.

“I could tell. You had been so distracted so my idea was to get you away for a little while. Besides, your focus wasn't on me and I didn't like that very much.” You told him as you turned to look at him.

“Hmm. Well I promise to not let it happen again.” He told you as he leaned down to kiss you and you kissed him back with a sense of urgency and desperation.

Turning around to straddle him, your arms went around his neck as you felt him untie the top of your bathing suit letting it fall to the side and it was quickly forgotten. His hands traveled lower to rest on your hips before one of his hands started to run across your folds through the thin material that happened to be the only thing left covering your body.

Kisses were placed in a trail starting from your neck and kept going as he lifted you a bit higher to place kisses along your breasts before placing one of them in his mouth and sucking lightly leading a moan to escape from your mouth.

“Mmm.” Was all that came out of your mouth as you threw your head back and you soon felt the other half of your bikini fall away from your body as he untied it.

Scalvo simply stood up as he held onto you and stepped out of the jacuzzi and made his way back inside the house to the master bedroom. He gently laid you down and he hovered over top of you as your arms went back around his neck and guided him closer to you so that he could meet his lips with yours.

“I need to hear you say what you want me to do to you.” He whispered against your lips and before you could answer, he lifted two of his fingers to your mouth and you immediately opened it to suck on them. Once he was satisfied with how wet they were, he slowly inserted them into you, making you gasp.

“Baby, you need to use your words. Tell me what you want.”

“I want to feel every inch of you.” You breathed out and you could see that cocky smirk that you loved so much spread across his face.

“We'll get to that, but I need to taste you first. Is my pretty girl okay with that?”

You nodded your head as he moved down on the bed and took a hold on your hips before tightening it so that you wouldn't be able to move. The bruises that would be seen tomorrow would be worth it.

As he came face to face with your core when he got himself comfortable, he kissed up and down both of your inner thighs before you felt his tongue where you wanted him the most.

“Babe…” You breathed out as he continued to pleasure you.

“You like that? You like when I put my tongue in your pussy?”

“Yes, oh fuck. Don't stop.” You told him as you grabbed your nipples in order to play with them and roll them between your fingers. You placed two fingers in your mouth and got them wet enough to rub it across both of them.

Luckily you two were in the mountains with no nearby neighbors and you could yell as loud as you wanted.

Your hands then quickly found their way to his hair that you loved to play in so much as he began to fuck you with his tongue faster.

“Shit, stay right there, stay right there.” You told him with desperation in your voice. But he had a better idea. His fingers had replaced his tongue and his mouth then moved to suck on your swollen clit and you knew it was only a matter of time before you lost it.

And your original thought was right as you squirted back to back all over his face, but he still wasn't letting up as he continued to suck on your clit.

When he finally released his hold on you, you sat up and quickly kissed him and felt him slip his tongue in your mouth so that you could taste yourself which he quickly made a point to comment on.

“You see how good you taste? I want more, but we can save that for later since I do remember you telling me that you wanted to feel every inch of me, correct?”

All you did was nod as you peered down to see him bricked up but he still had his swim trunks on. He followed your gaze and quickly kissed you once more.

“Take it out then.”

Doing what he asked, you slid them down and his dick sprung to life. You quickly spit in your hand before you began to palm him and jerk him off.

“How do you want me, baby?” You asked in a whisper against his lips and he placed his hands around your neck as you continued to jerk him off.

“Why are you asking me silly questions? You know how I want you. So get there.”

Smirking, you leaned forward to kiss him before turning around and positioning yourself on your knees and arching your back with your ass on display for him.

You felt his dick moving up and down the length of your folds before finally sliding in earning moans from the both of you.

Scalvo started out at a slow even pace to make sure you were comfortable before all that could be heard in the room was skin slapping against skin.

“Good girl, you're being such a good girl for me baby. You like when I fuck you like this?” He asked you, but the only thing that could be heard were your moans and whimpers from beneath him.

When you didn't answer him, you felt a soft smack to your ass, making him repeat his question.

“Baby, I asked you if you like when I fuck you like this? Answer me like the good girl I know you are. Otherwise I'm going to stop.”

“Yes!” You were finally able to breathe out and without warning, Scalvo slid out of you and flipped you over before sliding back into you.

Now that the two of you were face to face, your foreheads were touching as he placed your legs on his shoulders. He captured you in a kiss as he continued to pound into you and you could feel the familiar feeling in your stomach building. Obviously Scalvo could tell by the look on your face.

“I'm…” You started to say, but he immediately cut you off.

“I know, baby. Me too.”

Moments later both of you hit your peak at the same time and Scalvo slid out of you and you quickly sat up and took him in your mouth as you felt the sticky liquid hit the back of your throat.

As you milked him dry, he moved his hand down to slowly rub small circles along your clit before removing his hand and licking his fingers.

“Mmm, my baby tastes so fucking good.” He told you before he lifted your face towards him so that he could kiss you.

“I need you to lay down for me.” You told him and he gave you another kiss before he did as he was told.

You simply straddled him as you faced away from him and he immediately knew what it was.

“Wouldn't be right if I didn't reverse cowgirl on you.”

“Get to it, then.”

Both of you went for two more rounds until finally taking showers, changing the sheets and getting comfortable in bed. The two of you were simply talking as your head rested on his chest and he came to a realization.

“You are so easy to talk to. I don't think I've ever told someone this much about myself.” He confessed and you turned to look up at him.

“But one thing you've never talked about is your family.”

“There's nothing to tell.” He told you and you could feel him tense up.

“Baby, you should know by now that you can trust me. Obviously it bothers you, but if you don't want to talk to me about it, maybe a therapist might help? I can tell it's a sensitive topic for you and you’re hurting.” As soon as the words left your mouth, he immediately turned up his nose.

“I don't need a therapist. My mom left when I was two and my father was killed. That's it and that's all.”

“I just want to help.” You told him as you grabbed his hand, but he moved it away from you.

“Y/N, I get it. But I'm done talking about this.”

“But baby…”

“I said I was done.” He told you and the tone of his voice somewhat scared you, making you jump as you sat up to look at him.

He immediately had a guilty look on his face.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. You don't deserve that.” He said as he moved a curl out of your face.

“I just want for you to be okay. You're always so distracted now. I’m just worried.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” He told you as he leaned forward to kiss your forehead. At that point he was just happy that you didn't move away from him.

It was quiet for a minute before either of you spoke again.

“I want you to have dinner with my parents next week on Friday. They went on a short trip and they’ll be getting back on Thursday night. I want you to meet them.”

Scalvo’s eyes suddenly went wide and he wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. This was a situation that he had never been in before.

“I… you want me to meet them?” He asked for clarification and you simply nodded.

“I’ve been spending a lot of time with you and you’re important to me and one of my favorite people to be around. I think that’s worth sharing with other people.”

“If it’ll make you happy, then I’ll do it.” He told you as he smiled at you and you leaned up to kiss him, he eagerly kissed you back and when the two of you broke apart, you were sitting in a comfortable silence as you laid your head back down on his chest.

Scalvo’s heart was beating a mile a minute as he sat there and thought about the situation that he was currently in.

You were too good for him and way out of his league and he knew it.

Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to stay away from you seeing as it was getting harder and harder by the day.

–

It was the day before Scalvo was due to have dinner with you and your parents and he was on edge and very annoyed.

He was currently with Mr. Besegai and Cobby going over the plans that would take place two days from now on that Saturday night. He thought at first that he was going to do this job by himself seeing as he’s done many by himself before, but to his surprise, Cobby was brought on at the last minute. He was a drunk who talked too much and he was the last person that he wanted to be around. After arguing with Mr. Besegai about his decision for ten minutes, he had finally given up.

His thoughts quickly went to you and he wondered if you were having a good day seeing as he hadn’t really had any time to call and check up on you. Not that you would mind though since you had it in your mind that he was this big time investor that was busy a lot of the time. He knew that you wouldn’t question if he had been M.I.A. for the majority of the day. As he thought of you, his phone quickly vibrated and he looked down to see a text message from you and he instantly got a smile on his face.

You- Hi, handsome! Just checking on you. I hope you’re having a good day. Call me when you can.

Cobby noticed Scalvo smiling at his phone and raised an eyebrow before addressing it.

“Scalvo! Pay attention! What the fuck has you smiling at your phone like that?”

“Your mom’s nudes, now mind your own fucking business and leave me the hell alone.”

“Outta pocket and unnecessary.”

“You being here is unnecessary because I don’t fucking need you in order to pull this off.”

“Will you two knock it off for Christ’s sake?! Scalvo, Cobby is here because he offered to help and quite frankly, you could probably use it in this situation.” Mr. Besegai said and Scalvo immediately rolled his eyes.

“Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“Don’t start with me. Now we need to go over this one more time to make sure we have it right.”

The entire reason that he decided to bring Cobby on was not because he didn’t have any confidence in Scalvo being able to pull it off, it was because when Scalvo found out the connection between you and Mr. Lawson there was a possibility that he could be hesitant going through with the plan entirely and he couldn’t risk that. He knew that the two of you had grown close seeing as you spent a few days out of the week with each other. He figured that he should probably tell him about the connection, but the last thing he wanted to do was cloud his judgment. He needed him to be focused in order to be able to pull this off.

He knew for a fact that Scalvo would never do anything to hurt you or put you in harm’s way.

As they were going over the plan once more, Scalvo was only half listening since he had this damn plan memorized since day one and simply sent you a text back.

Scalvo- Been busy all day and definitely missing you. Can’t wait for dinner tomorrow night and I’ll call you once I’m finished.

“All I know is Scalvo better not fuck this up since he’s over there not listening.” Cobby said and all Scalvo did was look in his direction before responding.

“You have one more motherfucking time to say some shit to me before I put a bullet in your head.” He told him as he pulled out his gun and aimed it at him.

“Let’s fucking go, then!”

“HEY! NO! NONE OF THAT! Not before this job is done then I could care less what the two of you do. I can’t believe at one point in time you two used to be friends.”

“Yeah me either. His ass needs a fucking therapist.” Cobby said and Scalvo had just put his gun back, but still had his hand on it.

“Are we done here? I got shit to do. And for your information I have a therapist because my girlfriend made me get one. Not that it's any of your business, asshole.”

When the two of you had finally gotten back to Boston, Scalvo actually looked into getting a therapist and found one that he actually liked. You were so excited when he told you about it.

“Well it's obviously not working. And since when do you have a girlfriend?!”

“It’s only my first week, so I’ll still bust a cap in your drunk ass. And once again, my business and not yours.”

Mr. Besegai simply waved Scalvo off and he made his way to the door to go down the steps before turning back to Cobby.

“I brought you on not because I didn’t think that he could do it, but because his judgment is going to be clouded once he figures everything out and we can’t have that.”

“How so?”

“The man we’re about to rob? Scalvo’s dating his daughter and he has no idea. Once he finds out he might not go through with it. If that happens, I need you to be able to finish the job for me.”

“Fuck and I’m not supposed to tell him anything?! This could turn into a fucking disaster.”

“He’ll find out soon enough. Until then, just let him be. This is just as Important to him as it is to me.”

As promised, as soon as Scalvo made his way to his car he called you and you picked up on the third ring.

“Hello?”

“My princess hasn't heard from me all day and I missed her.” He confessed as he weaved through Boston traffic.

“She misses you two and also wants you to do something for her.”

“Name it and it'll be done.”

“Pick me up from work since my car was acting stupid earlier? My dad sent a tow truck over and he offered me a ride, but I said I would wait for my handsome boyfriend to come and get me.”

“Say less. I'll be right there.”

Scalvo quickly made an illegal u-turn as he started heading in the direction towards your job. Once he pulled up and saw you, he was all smiles and opened the door for you to get in.

First thing he did as you got into the car was kiss you and you made sure that you gave him several kisses back.

“Mm, I missed tasting those lips so much.” He told you and all you did was laugh.

“Surprised that you didn't say that you missed my other pair of lips.”

“Oh, I missed those too and I can't wait for us to be able to catch up later.”

As both of you moved through rush hour traffic, you told Scalvo that you were hungry and he mentioned that he had stuffed a menu from a new place that had just opened up in the glove compartment that had good reviews. Once you opened it, you were surprised to see a 9mm handgun staring back at you and gulped.

“Scalvo…”

“What's wrong, babe?”

You never called him Scalvo unless you were being serious, so he knew that something was probably wrong.

“Why do you have a gun in your glove compartment?” You asked and his eyes went wide as he looked over and saw it. He simply grabbed the menu for you and hastily shut It.

Fuck, he forgot he put it in there. The last thing he wanted to happen was you seeing it.

“You closing it so that I can't see it is not making it go away. Why do you have that?” You asked and he refused to make eye contact with you.

“For protection.”

“Not a good enough answer.”

“Well it's the truth.”

“Protection from who?”

“Baby, don't worry about it. Just look at the menu and tell me what you want to eat.”

“Not until I get an explanation.”

“Being a person who does the job that I do can lead to having a lot of enemies. I need to protect myself at all times.”

“But…. you told me that you invest in small businesses.”

“I do and I dress like this to not draw any attention to myself. If I don't look the part, people might leave me alone. But you can never be too sure.”

“Well I don't like it.”

“Y/N, it doesn't matter if you don't like it. I'm not getting rid of it. I need to be able to protect myself and you if it comes down to it.”

“But why? Why would that even happen?”

“Nothing wrong with being prepared. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you that I could have prevented.”

There was something that he wasn't being honest about and you could tell. Despite him telling you that you were an easy person to talk to, you felt that he still held onto a lot of secrets.

“You know what you want to eat yet?”

“Drop me off at home until you’re ready to be honest with me.” You told him as the forgotten menu was held in your hand, but you weren't looking at it.

“Baby, come on. I want to spend time with you and I told you why I have it. Last thing I want to do is fight with you.”

“If someone was after you, you would tell me, correct? So I could help you?”

“Princess…”

“Answer my question.”

“Yes, now can we move on?”

“For now, but I still don't like it.”

“You'll forget all about it once I eat you out later at your apartment.”

–

There was literally only one day to go until Scalvo and Cobby would be breaking into James Lawson's house and robbing him of everything that he was worth and Scalvo was hoping that it would end with him being able to put him six feet under.

They had done a dry run earlier in the day, even though the ride mostly consisted of them arguing and Scalvo actually leaving Cobby and making him run behind the car for shits and giggles before he eventually stopped to let him back in.

Now he was on his way to dinner with your parents. After telling Scalvo to pick up some dessert from the bakery for dinner, he picked you up from your apartment and then the two of you were on your way to your parents house. As he turned on the street, you pointed at which house it was and he instantly got a sinking feeling in his stomach.

No, this couldn’t be right.

This was the lawyer’s house, James Lawson where he lives with his wife and two dogs

The house he planned on robbing tomorrow night with Cobby.

Since when did he have a daughter? Or any kids for that matter? He didn’t remember reading that anywhere and he always did his research before a job.

“Wait, this one?” He asked once more as he pointed at it before turning to pull into the long driveway.

“Yes, this is it. My dad is a lawyer. You might have heard of him, James Lawson? Apparently he's a really big deal in Boston.” You said while laughing. Everyone knew your dad and it wasn't always for the best reasons.

Scalvo gulped as he nodded his head and began to park next to who he assumed was your father’s range rover.

Fuck, this can’t be happening, this CANNOT be happening

“Oh, I didn’t know that he was your dad.”

“Yeah, but to keep me protected he didn’t really talk about me and my mom very much so not a lot of people know. I even use my mom’s last name in order to not draw any attention to myself. A lot of people don't like my dad.”

As you undid your seatbelt, you looked over to see him looking nervous.

“Babe? Everything okay? You look pale. Well, more pale than usual. You feel alright?” You asked him as you felt his forehead.

“Um, I’m fine.”

“Hey, don’t be nervous. They’re going to love you. I already told them so much about you.” You told him as you grabbed a hold of his face and turned it towards you.

Oh shit

“I just… I’ve never done this before with anyone. You’re the first girl that I’ve ever taken this much interest in and I just want to do this right.” He told you being completely honest.

“You’re freaking yourself out over nothing, I promise it’ll be fine.” You told him as you leaned in to kiss him.

“Then later it’ll be just us once we go back to my apartment. But maybe I can give you a preview once we leave here.” Whispering in his ear and giving his bicep a small squeeze, you smiled at him and he returned it, but you could tell that it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

After you had gotten out of the car, Scalvo quickly followed you while grabbing the cake from the backseat and walked side by side as you both made your way to the front door. You simply put your key into the door and unlocked it.

As the two of you stepped inside, you called out to see where your parents were as you led him into the kitchen in order to put the cake on the table.

“In here!” You heard your mom say from the living room and you grabbed Scalvo's hand that had gotten noticeably sweatier in the last three minutes.

When your parents came into view, you immediately hugged them before stepping back to introduce them to Scalvo and you could tell that they were intrigued by him.

This was the first person you had bought home since your prom date so you knew that they were probably excited.

“Mom, dad. This is my boyfriend Scalvo who I can't stop talking about.” You told them and felt him in some way relax as he was holding your hand.

“It's nice to meet you Mr. And Mrs. Lawson.” He told them and they smiled at him and quickly embraced him.

“It's so good to finally meet you!” Your mom told him, but your dad was looking at him curiously.

“Hmm, are you sure that we haven't met before?” He asked Scalvo who immediately shook his head no even though that was a lie.

They had met plenty of times and the first one was at his dad's trial believe it or not.

“You just look so familiar, but anyway I'm happy to meet you. All she does is talk about you.”

“Okay! Enough of throwing me under the bus!” You exclaimed, earning a laugh from everyone in the room.

“Hey, you started it.” Your dad said as he held up his arms in defense.

“Come on, dinner should be ready. We can go sit in the dining room.” Your mom announced and that was when Scalvo mentioned the cake.

“Oh, and I brought a cake for dessert.”

“Perfect! We didn't have time to make one so that worked out.”

Once all of you got settled around the dining room table, plates were piled high with food and conversation between Scalvo and your parents came easy. You could tell that he had finally relaxed or he was putting on a really good front at the moment. Your thoughts were then interrupted by your dad asking him what he did for a living.

“Oh, I’m a businessman you could say. I invest in small business and then I make a profit from it.”

“Really? What company is your latest investment in?”

“Mr. Besegai’s bakery not too far from here.”

Well that wasn’t entirely a lie.

“Ah, Mr. Besegai, great man. Known him for a long time. Used to always go to his bakery every weekend that Y/N was home from boarding school to get treats.”

So, that’s why Scalvo had never seen you before.

“Yeah, he is.”

“I hear that’s where the two of you met.” Your mom added and both of you smiled at each other.

“He almost knocked me over, but yes.” You had told your mother as you sipped on your wine.

“I was looking down and didn’t notice you! You aren’t exactly tall.”

“HEY!”

Scalvo held his hands up in defense as you gave him the evil eye, but that eventually went away as you began laughing.

Before the cake was cut for dessert, Scalvo excused himself to the bathroom in order to text Mr. Besegai.

Scalvo- Are you FUCKING serious?

Old man who gets on my nerves- What now?

Scalvo- Why didn’t you tell me who her parents were? You knew. You fucking knew this entire time.

Old man who gets on my nerves- I planned it perfectly. I wanted you to get closer to her to make our job easier.

Scalvo- How do you expect me to still be able to do it!?

Old man who gets on my nerves- I don’t care how it gets done, but you better fucking do it. Otherwise I will have your head on a silver platter and you know I’m good for my word. Get it done so I don’t have to hurt you or your little girlfriend.

Scalvo- If you touch one hair on her head, I will empty my clip into your fucking chest

Old man who gets on my nerves- Don’t fucking forget who saved you from being homeless on the street. I took you in when I could have let you starve. Do as you're told and she doesn’t get hurt.

The next day, Scalvo had told you that he would more than likely be busy and to keep you distracted from what would be going down at your parents house later, he sent you to an expensive spa for the weekend and would pick you up on Monday morning. He was currently in his car with Cobby sitting outside of your parents house, except they were down the street so that they wouldn’t be seen.

Cobby felt like he was distracted and didn’t want to say anything about it, however he needed for him to focus so that the two of them would be able to pull this off.

“Uh, you alright over there?” He asked him and Scalvo turned to him and rolled his eyes.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

“Knew what?”

“That we’re robbing my girlfriend’s parents.”

“I.. uh.. Look, he told me not to tell you because he didn’t want your judgment to be clouded.”

“Well now what the fuck am I supposed to do? He threatened to hurt her, but me doing this is probably going to hurt her more.”

“Hmm, I see therapy is really working. You’re really opening up to me.”

“Cobby, I will still kill you, let's get that straight. You still don’t know what to say out of your fucking mouth after all these years.”

“Tell me who your therapist is, I need to go and see them.”

“COBBY WILL YOU FUCKING FOCUS?”

“Okay, fine, fine. Let’s just get this done, because if you don’t go through with this, he’ll either kill you or kill her.”

“I added on another part of the plan that I didn’t tell you about.”

“Are you going to share with the class?” He asked after Scalvo was quiet for a few minutes.

“I was going to kill him for what he did to my father, but now I can’t bring myself to do it.”

“Not Scalvo having feelings.”

“I will… look, I think they’re finally sleeping so let’s go over the plan one more time and then it’s go time.”

“Okay, lover boy, let's do this.”

“Don’t call me that.”

The plan was to break into his office and get into his safe while Cobby despite how fucking stupid Scalvo thought he was figured out a way to empty his bank accounts. He still didn’t understand how he figured it out, but he wasn’t asking questions. He just wanted for this to be over with. After the two of you had eaten dessert the day before, Scalvo asked for a tour of the house and he knew that he could use this to his advantage. Even though he had the blueprints and floor plans of the house, seeing it in real time in front of him was a different story.

Your parents knew what he looked like so wearing a mask was a must. He reached for his gun and got it out of the glove compartment, just in case.

Just in case.

After cutting off the electricity to the house and disarming it, Scalvo and Cobby slipped their way inside and moved to the bottom floor where his office was.

Cobby got out tools in order to open the safe as Scalvo stood there ready to load the money into it when he suddenly heard footsteps behind them. They looked at each other in a panic before the office door swung open and they were now face to face with your father who was holding a gun in his hand.

“If the two of you leave quietly, we can forget that this ever happened.”

“Ehh, no can do sir. Our orders come from higher up, so we’ll just take this money and be on our way.” Cobby said and it was as if Scalvo was too out of it to speak.

“I’ll give you one more chance, next time I’m shooting.”

Scalvo didn’t say anything, but instead knocked your father’s gun out of his hand kicking it away from him and held his gun up to his temple as Cobby looked on with wide eyes. Scalvo nodded towards Cobby to finish what he was doing before they were interrupted, but he still stayed quiet. Your parents knew what his voice sounded like and if he opened his mouth that would be the end of it.

Your dad held up his hands in defense as Cobby began stuffing the duffle bag.

“I’m done, let’s go.” He told Scalvo who was still holding the gun up to your father’s head and he didn’t move.

“It’s not worth it, let’s go. We have bigger things to think about.” He said as he tugged on his arm.

Scalvo finally lowered the gun as he sighed, but only told Cobby one word.

“Rope.”

The two of them left your father sitting in the dark tied to his office chair with duct tape on his mouth, but at least he was alive.

The ride back to downtown Boston was silent as Cobby was working on his laptop emptying his bank account.

“If she finds out, she’s never going to forgive me.”

“Ehh, she might. At least you left him alive. That has to count for something, right?”

—

The next few days were a blur after you had called Scalvo frantic and told him about what had happened to your parents. You told him that you were going to stay with them for a few days since your mother was still pretty shaken up about the entire thing. You also couldn’t put your finger on it, but Scalvo was acting weird. You could tell that he was once again hiding something from you and the plan was to get it out of him one way or another.

It was Friday and your lunch break when you decided to go to the sandwich shop that was next to the bakery before heading back to work when you spotted Scalvo talking to someone outside of it when you pulled up in your car. You smiled to yourself before getting out of the car and greeting him.

“Hi babe!” You said as you came up beside him and it was clear that you startled him.

“Oh hey. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” He asked as he hugged you and kissed the top of your head.

“Lunch break, but I’ll be heading back soon. Who’s your friend?” You asked as you turned to Cobby.

“Cobby, Scalvo’s best friend. Nice to meet you. He doesn’t shut up about you.”

“He uses that term too loosely.” Scalvo muttered and you laughed.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you. Scalvo needs to get out more, but he doesn’t think so. But maybe you could help with that.” You answered when Cobby’s wrist caught your eye. It was a gold bracelet and it looked very familiar.

Too familiar.

As in it was your father’s bracelet that he kept in his safe.

The safe that was broken into last week and they still had no leads.

Now it was adding up.

Expensive cars.

Expensive trips.

Expensive jewelry.

He got you anything you wanted without giving it a second thought.

But, him having the gun and always being secretive was everything that you needed to know.

Scalvo wasn’t a businessman at all.

He was a fucking criminal.

Your boyfriend was a criminal and he had just stolen from your parents.

“I’ll see what I can do.” He told you as he smiled. You smiled back before turning to Scalvo.

“Meet me at my apartment later?”

“I’ll be there.”

It was around nine at night when Scalvo finally knocked on your apartment door. You let him in and simply went to pour yourself a glass of wine. You poured him one too and slid it in front of him, but you were still quiet.

“Baby?”

“I’m going to ask you this and please do not lie to me.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Why was your friend Cobby wearing my father’s gold bracelet that he keeps in his safe?”

Oh, fuck.

“Uh…”

“Scalvo, if you lie to me I will literally fucking riot. How did he get it?”

He remained quiet as he was taking this moment in.

There was no way in the world that the two of you would be able to move past this.

“SCALVO, ANSWER ME NOW DAMN IT!”

“We broke into your parents house and took it. But….”

“How could you do that? Why would you do that?”

“Just let me explain. Please.” Scalvo pleaded with you as he grabbed your hand, but you quickly shook your head and got loose from his grasp.

“Explain, what? How you used me? Stole my dad's money? Do I mean absolutely nothing to you? I love you and I feel so stupid for it!”

“I love you too! You mean the world to me, please understand that and no! I didn't even know who you were when we met! It had nothing to do with you! It was Mr. Besegai because he was mad that your father put him in jail. When I finally figured it out, he said if I didn’t go through with it that he was going to hurt you and I couldn’t have that happen.”

“I feel so stupid because you straight up played me like a fool. Hmm, businessman huh? All you do is fucking steal for a living.”

“I never meant to hurt you. Please understand that. But my father died because your father wrongfully convicted him and he died in jail before I could get a chance to prove that he was innocent and has done the same thing to how many other people?”

“I’m sorry about your father and what happened to him wasn’t fair in any way, shape or form, but this is not the way to fix things and you know it.”

“There's a right way? Then tell me so I can bring my dad back. The only one who actually gave a damn about me.”

“The person who is standing in front of you right now also gives a damn about you!”

“You'll never understand. Look where you come from and then look where I come from. We were doomed from the start.” He said as he started to walk away and you quickly stood in front of the exit blocking him in.

“We can fix this.”

“We'll never work and you know it. What I've done is always going to be at the back of your mind. I care about you Y/N, but…. Just take care of yourself.”

“No, you do not get to walk away that easily. You… just wait a minute.”

“I can and I will. This is done. It’s what’s best for the both of us no matter how hard it might be.”

“So, that’s it? You’re just going to leave me?” You asked as you felt the tears build up in the corners of your eyes. Scalvo noticed and it took everything in him not to embrace you right then and there. He took a step forward, but moved right back because he knew that if he did, he wouldn't want to let you go.

“I’m not any good for you. I have absolutely nothing to offer you and let’s be serious. A daughter or a lawyer dating someone who makes money by stealing from important people in power?”

“But I still want you.”

He knew at that point as much as he didn’t want to do it, he had to say something that would hurt you in order for you to stay away from him.

For your own good and for his.

“And you’re living in a fantasy land if you think that this would ever work. Y/N, do me a favor and don’t call me anymore, don’t look for me. This is it. We’re over, and we’re done. This relationship is a one-way street, and it was only going to lead to a dead end.”

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow smut #jack harlow fanfiction #the instigators #scalvo x reader

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jenniferjareauwife · 8 months ago

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hi hi i love ur writing sm😇do you think we could get an imagine where jj and r have an established relationship, and somebody (an officer wherever they are for the case or smth) is flirting with r but she’s oblivious, and jj gets a little anxious. then r has to reassure jj, and maybe you could add just a smidge of angst before that and have jj ignore r and r doesn’t realise why until jj brings it up. also if you’re comfortable w it you could add some smut at the end, preferably w some body worship (jj receiving) thank you sm🙏🏻🙏🏻

He Was Flirting?

pairing: jennifer jareau x reader

category: slight angst, smut

warnings: smut, scissoring r & jj, body worship jj, switch jj & r

word count: 988

summary: you're on a case and an officer is flirting with you, your girlfriend notices but you don't when leads to the silent treatment and some sexy time 😏

JJ, Officer Hicks and I walked through Boston's Back Bay, observing the nearest crime scene. The victims all had y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes, same height and my age exactly. It kind of freaked me out a little bit but I knew I wasn't in trouble. No one would mess with an FBI Agent and anyone who knew Ms. Jennifer Jareau would not want to mess with her girlfriend.

"Pretty girls like you better stay safe around here." Officer Hicks said, both hands on his waist as he looked at me with a small smile. I just gave him a small nod, feeling a bit creeped out about the crime scene.

We got back to the station 20 minutes later and I went to the break room for a coffee, hoping to spend some time with JJ after this tiring day. I walked up to her to go talk to her but as soon as I opened my mouth she pushed past me and walked away. Oh. That sting a bit. I turned around to follow her but was stopped by Hicks when he walked into the break room. "Hey hon." He said with his lopsided smile.

"Hi." I looked over his shoulder at JJ who looked completely pissed off. "Hey do you um-"

"You should smile more. It looks good on you." I nodded. I didn't really smile a lot and it was something my friends always told me to do so I took it lightheartedly.

"Thanks." I froze as JJ and I made eye contact. She looked like she was seething with anger. I turned to Hicks and gave him a smile, trying not to to look anxious.

"Sorry to interrupt. Agent Y/l/n and I have to get going." She grabbed my hand with an iron grip. "Come on babe let's go." She kissed me passionately on the lips, making Hicks's jaw drop. Once she pulled away I was left speechless, feeling a familiar heat burn in my lower belly.

"Yeah...yeah let's go." I agreed, letting her drag me out of the station.

Once we got back to the hotel room she was all over me. Her hands were on my ass and her lips were attacking my neck, leaving hickeys and marks everywhere she could reach. "Jayje...JJ." I pushed her away slightly, wanting to see her face. She looked down at me with lustful eyes while gnawing on her bottom lip. "I wanna see you."

"You've gotta earn it after flirting with Hicks sweetheart." She pushed me down onto the bed, making me whine.

"What...what? I wasn't flirting...was that flirting?" I was panicking right now, was she mad at me?

"That was most definitely flirting." Her eyes had a hard look to them again. "Don't try to get yourself out of this."

"I'm not trying to get out of anything just please...please." I tugged at the collar of her shirt, wanting to kiss her all over. "JJ please." I pulled her down on top of me and pulled off her shirt quickly so she couldn't protest. My eyes widened once I saw the swells of her breasts. She didn't protest when I unclasped her bra so I took that as a sign to flip her over, kissing ever inch of her skin that I could reach.

I cupped her breasts in my hands and moaned against her skin as I started to rock against hers, our clits bumping against each other. "JJ...JJ fuck you're so pretty." I couldn't get enough of her, just wanting her to know how pretty she was. I looked up at her though my lustful eyes and saw her blush. "I love you so much. You're so pretty- fuck." My eyes rolled to the back of my head as my hips bucked forward.

"You look so hot on top of me like this." She said with a soft laugh, reminding me of her dominance over me. I kept grinding against her and leaving kisses all over her body. She deserved it, she was so beautiful.

She gripped my waist in a bruising grip so I kept my pace. I could tell she was reaching her high, the way her muscles twitched under my lips. I could get off on her cumming, she just looked so fucking hot while doing it and I never hesitated to tell her that. "Fuck...fuck JJ I'm gonna cum."

"Me too baby." She held me close to her as I left sloppy kisses over her breasts. I kept my body as close to hers as possible, just wanting her to feel how much I loved her. "Y/n...y/n I'm coming!" I lifted my head up so I could kiss her as she rode out her orgasm. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I climaxed, kissing all over her face and neck, not caring where I kissed just caring that I was kissing her.

"I love you I love you I love you." I chanted, pulling away once I got too sensitive. I left sloppy kisses along her jaw before dropping my head to her shoulder.

"You ok?" She panted, dragging her fingertips over my back. I gave her a small nod and snuggled up close to her.

"I'm sorry for flirting with him...I didn't know." I whispered, tracing shapes on her belly. I felt her inhale and exhale sharply, trying to get the air back in her lungs. "I really love you...and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize...I'm sorry for getting jealous. You weren't even flirting, it was just him."

"I didn't like the silent treatment." I told her quietly. I felt her chest cave in a bit.

"I'm sorry honey. I won't do it again, ok? I really should've communicated with you better. I'm really sorry."

"It's ok." I kissed her stomach. "I love you so much." I mumbled against her skin thinking maybe she would absorb it. It was silly but I wanted her to know how loved she was.

"I love you more baby."

#criminal minds #jennifer jareau #x reader #jennifer jareau x reader #lgbtq #wlw post #jennifer jareau x you

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sidekick-hero · 9 months ago

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"He probably thinks I don't love him, Robin. Which is... ridiculous. I do! I really, really do. I just can't say it." Steve is pacing around the blissfully empty Family Video Store, his hands making a mess of his hair as they run through it in frustration.

"This is so stupid. I* am* so stupid, it's just four stupid letters, even a preschooler can say it," he rambles, his eyes wild as they look at Robin. "Why am I like this, Robbie?" His voice breaks, along with his heart, at the thought of Eddie doubting Steve's feelings for him for even a second.

Robin walks over to him and grips his shoulders tightly, her blue eyes boring into his as she says in her firmest you-listen-to-me-now voice. "You're not stupid. This is my best friend you're talking about, so watch it." That earns her at least a half-smile, which counts as a victory considering Steve was already pinching his nose to hold back tears.

"I know you love him, Steve. Everyone knows it. One look at you when he's in the room, or even when you're just talking about him, is enough to know you love him. And I'm sure Eddie knows it too. He has to."

Robin's words soothe some of the fear in Steve's heart, knowing that she would tell him if she really thought he had messed up. But even though it's okay now, Eddie won't wait forever for Steve to say those three little words. No one would. Steve knows that his heart couldn't take being with Eddie, loving Eddie and telling him that, only to never hear it back from him.

"I don't know. Even if you're right, I feel like I'm losing him. That something in me is broken, and one day he'll realize that too, and then he'll leave." With an even smaller voice Steve adds: "I can't lose him, Robbie".

They don't hug very often. Robin shows her affection in many ways, but most of them aren't overly physical. That's Eddie's job, clinging to Steve like a koala most days, always touching Steve in some way, even if it's just his shoulder nudging Steve's. Robin pulling him into a tight hug now means a lot to him, but it's also a testament to the gravity of the situation.

With their arms around each other between the horror and action movie sections, Steve takes a moment to just soak in the comfort she offers. What happened at Starcourt messed them both up, caused them both more trauma than any teenager should have to deal with, but on a very selfish level, Steve can't help but be grateful that it happened. A life without Robin Buckley sounds like the greater horror to him.

After a few minutes, Robin gently pulls away from Steve to look at him. He's reluctant to let her go, even though he knows this is an even longer hug than the one she gave him when Nancy told him they weren't getting back together after defeating Vecna. She wanted to go to Boston, make a career, see the world. And Steve? Steve wanted a home, a place to belong, and someone to share that home with. They wanted different things, he realizes now.

That doesn't mean it didn't open old wounds, memories of how it felt to be rejected by her, his love for her thrown in his face like it was worthless. Bullshit.

As attuned to him and his thoughts as ever, a true testament to the fact that they share a brain cell, Robin says, "I think it's understandable that you can't say it. The last time you told someone you loved them, you were hurt, badly. Your heart is probably just trying to protect itself. Like a kid who touched a hot stove and got burned wouldn't touch another stove, you know?"

Steve nods, because in a way it makes sense. It just doesn't help him to know.

"But what am I supposed to do, Robin? It's not Eddie's fault that I'm broken."

"You, Steve Harrington, are not broken. Just a little bruised. There is nothing wrong with you just because you got hurt and have the scars to show for it. Like Max, because of the injuries to her leg, she cannot walk like she used to before Vecna, so she uses her crutch. She's not broken. Is she?"

"No, of course not. If anything, she's even stronger now, I saw her hit Lucas with the crutch and tell him to hurry up on the way to the movies," Steve says, smiling at the memory.

"See!" Robin waves her hand at him in excitement, almost bouncing with it. "All you need is a crutch!"

They look at each other wide-eyed before matching smiles break out on their faces, Robin's giddy at having found a solution, Steve's reflecting the tentative hope blossoming in his chest.

His talk with Robin certainly helped, but as Valentine's Day approaches, the fears and insecurities start to creep back in. It's not even like Eddie is giving him any indication that he's not happy with Steve or their relationship. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Eddie tells him he loves him almost every time they see each other, at the most random moments. Some days he whispers it in Steve's ear to wake him up, other days it's his way of saying good night to him with his arm around Steve's waist and his hand over Steve's heart in a protective grip. He says it casually when Steve brings him breakfast in bed or lunch to the record store where he now works. Just yesterday he said it while Steve was buried deep inside him, their hands intertwined beside Eddie's head and brown eyes looking softly up at Steve.

It's not meant to make him feel bad about himself, he knows that.

He still does.

So when he opens his front door to the sight of Eddie standing on his doorstep in his nicest jeans and a forest green button-down Steve has never seen before, clearly having put some real effort into his appearance, Steve almost crumbles.

He's a shitty boyfriend, isn't he? There's this amazing guy who goes out of his way to look nice for Steve, even though he doesn't even like Valentine's Day, just because he knows it's important to Steve. And he can't even tell him he loves him.

Some of what he's feeling must be showing on his face, because Eddie's cheerful smile falls and he hurries into the house to pull Steve into his arms, slamming the door shut with his foot.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, I told Dustin green wasn't my color, but he insisted. I look hideous, don't I?"

That makes Steve snort wetly into Eddie's neck before muttering a fond "Idiot" into it.

Eddie just hums, obviously pleased with himself for making Steve laugh. "You can tell me. You know I don't mind getting naked for you."

"You're getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?"

Eddie grinned wolfishly at him. "I don't know, the tear in my Hellfire shirt from when you ripped it off me begs to differ."

Steve blushes at the memory, even as he laughs at Eddie's words. Instead of saying anything else, Steve pulls him back into his arms and Eddie goes willingly.

"Hi, baby," he says, his nose brushing behind Steve's ear.

"Hi." Steve breathes him in, the smell of cigarette smoke and his shampoo strong where his nose is buried in Eddie's hair.

They don't let go for a long time.

It's Eddie who pulls back first, and Steve does his best not to read into it. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

The Steve from before the Upside Down would have just shaken his head and told Eddie that everything was fine before pulling him into the bedroom to reassure them both that it was. Not talking about his feelings, fears, and needs might have worked for hookups, but he learned the hard way that it doesn't work when you want to be in a relationship.

So Steve takes Eddie's hand and leads him over to the couch where they both sit facing each other. They don't let go of each other's hands.

"I know you're probably wondering why I haven't told you... why I haven't said it yet."

Eddie's eyebrows disappear behind his fringe. "It?"

Sighing, Steve watches his fingers run over Eddie's knuckles. "You know. That I love you."

"Oh."

It's hard to place Eddie's tone, and even harder to place the silence that follows, but it makes his knee jiggle with nerves and his stomach churn. Usually it's Eddie who tends to fill the silence between them when it feels too big, too heavy, but today it's Steve.

"It's not because I don't want to, I swear. It's just," another frustrated sigh, the hand currently not held by Eddie's rubbing over his face, "I just can't say it. And I am so, so sorry, because you deserve to hear it. Every day. But I can't... I can't. So I understand if you don't want to do this anymore. You deserve better, Eddie. You really, really do."

Eddie lets Steve's words settle between them, aching and raw, but he never lets go of Steve's hand.

"You're right," he finally says, and the sound of Steve's heart breaking is deafening to his own ears. Pinching his nose, he tries to take his hand back from Eddie, but his boyfriend (if he can still call him that) won't budge. "You're right about me wondering, Steve. But that was before."

Looking up, a frown forming between his eyebrows, Steve asks, "Before?"

"Before I realized that you do tell me that you love me, every day. You say it when you tiptoe around the trailer in the morning to make breakfast without waking me. You tell me every time you pack an extra blanket or sweater when we go to the quarry because you know I always get cold. I hear it loud and clear every time you bring me lunch, even though it means you waste most of your own lunch break driving around town. It's in the way you try so hard to make Wayne like you because you know how much that means to me, and in the way you hold me after another nightmare, and in the way you kiss me sometimes like there's nothing in the world you'd rather be doing, without it having to lead anywhere, just because you like kissing me."

Eddie scooted forward and bridged the gap between them by taking Steve's face in his hands.

"Steve, you've been telling me you love me for months with everything except words. I don't really need them. It's just a four-letter word."

And, fuck, now Steve is crying. Eddie wipes away his tears with his thumbs, and when that's not enough, he kisses them away with his lips.

Steve is so in love with him that he has no idea how the feeling even fits in his body.

"Damn," he chuckles wetly, "that means I didn't even have to find a crutch?"

Now it's Eddie's turn to look at Steve in confusion, clearly worried that his boyfriend might have lost his mind. "What crutch? Is this a sex thing?"

Laughing and shaking his head fondly, Steve raises his free hand to his head, palm facing Eddie. Then he brings his thumb, index finger, and little finger up, keeping his ring and middle fingers down, before moving his hand back and forth slightly.

"Robin came up with this. She said if I couldn't say the words with my mouth, maybe I could say them in a different way. I thought of trying sign language," Steve adds sheepishly.

Before he knows what's happening, Eddie is on top of him, pressing him into the couch with his body weight and showering his face with kisses.

"You're so smart," kiss, "and beautiful," kiss, "and wonderful," kiss, "and I love you so much." The last part is accompanied by a lingering kiss on his lips and Steve melts under it.

Even though he obviously didn't have to tell Eddie this way, Steve is glad that he did.

He also thinks it won't be long before he can say those words, too. If anyone can help him walk without a crutch, it's Eddie.

#steddie #steddie fanfiction #steddie fluff #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddielovemonth #day 27 #love is just a 4 letter word #my writing

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bird-inacage · 1 year ago

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Only Friends: Sand's crushing reality 'It's never about me'

I've noticed a lot of comments wishing Sand could be open about his feelings for Ray. Though that's a fair assessment and would save us a tonne of agony, I've attempted to delve into why this isn't so simple.

The Weight of Dignity & Mutual Respect

Sand comes across as someone who highly values dignity. Everyone deserves to be treated with due respect, and this is seen through how he interacts with others. Sand gets upset when someone questions his integrity, such as when Ray insinuates him to be a thief or questions him for bootlegging alcohol. He gets angry when someone tries to hurt Ray whilst his back is turned. Sand lives his life by an honourable and respectful philosophy, and the least he expects is for others to treat him the same way.

Therefore it's understandable that he hates being treated like a fool (whether that's being taken advantage of, humiliated or subjected to unwarranted judgement).

Ray has consistently maintained that he doesn't see Sand as a boyfriend. Said so himself, repeatedly. (Despite his actions indicating otherwise but that's another post in itself). So if Sand were to reveal his feelings, when he has no definitive confirmation that Ray is taking any of this seriously, he's going to risk feeling incredibly exposed and ridiculous. One of the reasons why rejection is so painful is due to the shame that comes with it. A hit of crippling inadequacy and embarrassment. Being confronted with: 'You're not good enough for me. You don't meet my standards. You're not what I want'.

Sand has probably had to experience a fair amount of falling short. To be lesser than, but largely due to means outside his control. He's been able to rise above those things. However, with Ray, he's not comfortable being in a position where he may be stripped of his dignity.

Boston being the one who dropped the bombshell is what made Sand feel incredibly stupid. For not knowing. For not being told. Which was arguably 100% times worse than hearing it from Ray himself. To be treated with respect is hoping someone will see you as an equal. Regardless of whether they are more than friends - even just between friends, Ray has never alluded to this. (To be fair, he may have been close, but now we'll never know). In that moment, it dawns on Sand how little he knows of Ray.

My belief is that if he were aware of Ray still being in love with Mew, he wouldn't make a move. Because that wouldn't be the honourable or respectful thing to do. So he’s been led to indulge in a fantasy that was never going to materialise. He wasn't in the loop. No one clued him in. He's not been treated equal. He feels like the butt of a bad joke. How could he possibly open up to Ray after that?

The 'Brave Face' of a Caretaker

Sand is a man defined by responsibility. Due to having only one parent in his life, he's learnt to be his mother's rock; resilient and steadfast. The sacrifice of having a caretaker mentality is that your own wellbeing is often an afterthought. How frequently do these types of people in our lives get asked how they feel. How are they doing? They're so busy taking care of everyone else or taking care of 'business', that no one ever thinks to ask. Their cries for help are much quieter, much less obvious and go undetected.

Though Sand is not the best at hiding it, he'll quickly distract others from his own disappointment, upset and hurt for the sake of greater harmony or in consideration of someone else's feelings. 'It's not about me', he seems to remind himself. 'I've got to keep it together. I've got be strong. There's a lot resting on me'.

Caretakers need others to take notice of them. To see past their seemingly infallible façade. They need others to initiate care and concern because they won’t put themselves first. Though Sand's mother evidently adores him, he’s clearly established a dynamic where he takes care of her. So who takes care of Sand? No one. He's on his own. He has no choice but to suck it up when things get tough and move forward as best he can. Life isn't going to stop for him.

Though hugely rattled, Sand immediately diffuses the fight. No questions, no demands that Ray explain himself. He’s still protective of Ray. No matter what happens, he comes second.

The Fault is Yours

Sand really desires someone to see him as 'special', as extraordinary. His life often revolves around others, so if he’s someone else’s priority, that will be a sign. This is why Sand was so affected by Ray passing him up for someone else - he felt expendable.

The gut-wrenching thing about Sand is he doesn't target blame onto others. He doesn't resent his father (who has no idea of his existence). He doesn't resent his mother (who wasn't able to give him a good start in life). He doesn't even resent Ray when he finds out about Mew (because Ray knew Mew first). Instead Sand internalises hardship as a reflection on himself. The reason why Ray can't see him as a boyfriend must be a product of his own shortcomings. Perhaps he's unworthy of someone like Ray to begin with. Boston makes a passing comment that men with Ray's looks and wealth are hard to come by. Sand doesn't need to be reminded that Ray has options. Access to more options besides him.

Things were never handed to Sand on a silver platter, and so he isn't one to assume anything. Don't assume Ray's feelings even if you have a hunch. Don't assume that Ray will fight for you. Don't assume that when push comes to shove, Ray will choose you. Because who are you to assume those things?

It's one thing to be told you can't have something. But it's another to feel like you don't deserve something. As if you never had the right. Never had a chance.

The fault is yours for thinking you did.

Because you're simply not that special.

(Note: So I'm going to need to see a situation where Ray takes care of Sand please. The boy needs it. He needs someone to fight for him for a change. Bear in mind this is just an analysis of what Sand may be feeling. A lot of these assumptions are untrue as Ray does care. But Sand doesn't know what to think anymore.)

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ray x sand #sand x ray #sand #firstkhao #khaofirst #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #protect him please #god sand absolutely broke my heart this episode #he needs a hug #sand really doesn't have anyone to lean on #he carries so much on his own shoulders

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howtotrainabraincell · 3 months ago

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Sweet head cannons about different Assassin's Creed characters

Henry Green: This man knows his flowers and does he ever spoil you with them. Whether they're given directly or left around for you to find, they always have sweet meanings and divulge his feelings for you in beautiful, colorful, little ways.

A pink rose once you two have known each for a time, symbolizing his vow of love and his desire to grow old with you. His hand was slightly shaking when he gifted it to you before he spoke gently to you in Punjabi, before telling you that he loves you and wishes to marry you in English. You both shed tears of happiness when you got engaged. It would be years later but when you learn enough Punjabi you would realize that he had told you "I wish to spend the rest of my life with you".

I have a feeling that he remembers the small things. If you two are out to meet a contact for information or out collecting intelligence for the Brotherhood, and you come across a store window where a beautiful cameo is on display, when you express appreciation for it or make a comment about how beautiful it is, he will remember that. Say this is in January....this man will surprise you with it months later on your birthday.

Malik Al Sayf: The thing about Malik kissing you if you are an assassin vs if you're not an assassin is this...he wants to, but it can be tricky. If you are an assassin, he'll kiss you on the cheek the same way all assassins greet each other and bid you 'Safety and Peace' as he would normally do with his fellow assassins, as he doesn't want to give any headway to any rumors about you two. But it's complicated. If he doesn't kiss you then questions will be asked (by Altair OFC who else?) but if he does kiss you, he has to be careful to not be too quick - to seem as though he has a crush and is flustered/he can't stand you (which is NOT true as you are literally the only person, he CAN stand lol). Then there's also the kissing you for too long bc he'll seem romantically interested (OH BOY IS HE) but he can't reveal that as much as he wants to.

Have a feeling the man is an overthinker haha.

If this is before Al Mualim that is - afterward he'll kiss you without a care and if Altair says anything he'll threaten to throw a knife at him lol. If you're not an assassin though, why would he have reason to kiss you??? But you better believe that he'll come out of nowhere when you're minding your own business, whisk you off somewhere where you two can't be seen and kiss you breathless.

Haytham Kenway: He seems like the kind of lover to be gone a lot, but he really tries to make up for it when he comes home. He understands that gifts and surprises don't make up for his absence - although each gift sent is silent sincere apology - but even if he's not there he'll provide for you.

I don't know why...but something tells me that the man gets matching things for you two. If you're wearing a blue dress, he's wearing a suit in the same color and you two always look very dashing whether apart or together.

You could wake up one morning expecting another day at home, when Haytham has instructed the household to make a nice to go breakfast for you and then for the groom to take you horse riding so you can get out of the house for a little bit. With Templar protection of course he's not taking any chances. He may also arrange a day in Boston for you to go shopping and stay in the city to unwind for a bit. Expect gifts to be delivered when he's away. He'll have a dress made for you and have it sent a week after he leaves with a sweet letter alongside it as well. A flower delivery a few days later. He even surprised you with a spaniel puppy once.

#assassins creed #ac: syndicate #ac1 #henry green #malik al sayf #ac3 #haytham kenway #assassin's creed drabbles #assassins creed x reader #henry green x reader #malik al sayf x reader #haytham kenway x reader

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corazondebeskar-reads · 10 months ago

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ain't no rest for the wicked - chapter three

ain't no rest for the wicked series

three: been sinnin' in this city

series masterlist | prev chapter | next chapter

Tess Servopoulos x f!reader x Joel Miller

words: 5.7k

summary: Tess and Joel go AWOL for a while, but return with a gift.

warnings: dark-ish Joel and Tess, smuggler!Joel, smuggler!Tess, boston QZ, QZ life, poorly negotiated d/s-style dynamics, poor communication, enthusiastic consent, oral sex (m & f receiving), p in v, degradation, stalking, canon-typical violence, threesome, cum eating, light rope bondage, cloth gag, spanking, punishment, sub drop, aftercare, strap-on, anal sex, rimming, light angst, edging, orgasm denial

IMPORTANT NOTE: I have updated the warnings on the masterlist to reflect that this has a bittersweet (imo) ending. It's not a happily ever after. Please feel free to DM me if you want to know spoilers before you decide if you will continue reading.

also on ao3

dividers by @saradika-graphics

“Soon” doesn’t quite happen. It’s a month before you hear from them.

Honestly, you had forced yourself to accept that it was over. Maybe Joel coming over alone was crossing a line.

Not that it stops you from looking over your shoulder or getting your hopes up when you come home. But there isn’t even a moment where you feel watched from afar. You consider drawing a line of flour across your threshold, but you have a feeling it’d be undisturbed when you get back, no matter if they came or not.

The disappointment sits bitter at the base of your throat.

That is, until you get home one evening, soaked from head to toe in sleet, and Tess is in your apartment.

When you walk in, you’re too busy trying to get your soaked boots and coat off with minimal sludge on your floor to notice. But when you do, you jerk so fast you nearly slide on the wet floor, falling back against the door.

“What the fuck,” you gasp, trying to recover from the embarrassing screech.

“Joel was right. You really ain’t got a sense of your surroundings, huh?”

“Not in my own home! M’not supposed to have to—“

She smirks.

Not that you notice; too distracted by where she’s lounging. It’s your bed but also it very much is not.

Your mattress is set up on a wooden frame. It’s not fancy, just unstained boards, but it looks well-crafted and sturdy.

“Um,” you say.

“Gonna come try it out?”

“What?”

“Don’t you like it, sunflower?”

“I-I do, I’m just—“

“I told you, we’ll take care of you.” The smirk is gone, now. She’s startlingly serious.

“You said when I’m at yours,” you say.

“Did Joel not take care of you while he was here?”

“No, he did, I—“

She sits up and grabs your wrist, tugging you over. You follow easily, acquiescing when she pulls you on the bed and manhandles you…

(womanhandles you? Are you failing feminism? Where does the movement stand at the end of the world?)

… until you’re laying beside her with your head on her stomach.

“Isn’t this more comfortable?” she says.

She’s so soft, and she smells so good. You’re a little unfocused between taking deep breaths and curling your arm around her waist. “Yes, ma’am,” you say.

She grins. “Good girl.”

For a moment, you are both content to lay there. It really is comfortable. Soon, though, you’re pressing absentminded kisses to her stomach and nuzzling her breasts.

She rubs her hand up and down your back.

Your hand twitches near the hem of her shirt. “Um,” you mumble, anxious fingers fiddling with the folded fabric.

She lifts just enough to tug it off, going after yours in nearly the same motion. Your mouth waters.

She snaps your bra strap. “Off.”

You scramble to obey, not even bothering to unhook it but yanking the old, worn cotton over your head and tossing it to the floor.

She grins at your over-eagerness, but you barely notice, unabashedly focused on her tits.

“Please,” you whisper.

She nods, and before she can voice the answer, you find yourself clinging to her.

Huh.

Funny.

You had meant to latch your mouth around her nipple, but you’re practically climbing her to get close.

Her skin against yours feels like heaven. The creeping loneliness that burrowed into your bones hurts more than ever. At the same time, though, it’s beginning to bleed out.

She gasps softly as your nails dig into her side. Not enough to hurt but enough that she seems to recognize your desperation.

“I know, sunflower. I’m sorry,” she murmurs, holding you tight, just on the right side of painful. But you need it. The twinge in your ribs is giving you more comfort than you’ve known in weeks.

You nuzzle into her chest, placing kisses across her skin that swiftly shift from soft to sloppy. You suck and lick at any inch you can reach, finally mouthing your way to her breasts. Every brush scatters sparks across your shoulders and between your ribs, leaving you shuddering and gasping against her.

She moans as you lave at each hardened bud, and holds your head with an unforgiving grip when you suckle at one. Her back arches, pushing the fat of her breast into your face.

You don’t mind. Oxygen doesn’t seem super important right now. Her other hand has captured one of your own nipples, and she pinches and tugs harshly, her moans drawn out when you whimper against her.

She laughs, and it’s on the edge of cruel, but you’re unbothered.

“Look at you,” she teases. “So fuckin’ needy, huh?”

You hadn’t even realized, but you’ve thrown a leg over hers and are rocking your hips against her thigh.

“M’sorry,” you pant, after pulling off her breast with a lewd pop. You go to move away.

“Don’t stop; it’s cute,” she says, guiding you by the back of your head to her other breast.

Heat spreads across your face but also through your spine until it pools between your thighs. Fuck it, your brain decides, before it turns off for the day.

You’re gasping as you mouth at her, your panties dragging against your clit as you grind.

She slides her hands down and tugs at them, and you quickly lift and help her wiggle them off before sliding down to dispose of hers.

You had planned on returning to her tits and maybe trying to make out, but now that you’re down here, making out with her pussy seems like a much better idea.

You press a soft kiss to her thigh and look up at her, but she surprises you and reaches her hand out to pull you back up.

She guides you, pushing and pulling your pliant limbs where she likes. You let go of the knots anxiety tied to hold you stiff and quiet, a tug behind your ribcage urging you to give in, give up, give everything to Tess.

Something hazy and lax trickles through your veins—it doesn’t go unnoticed, either.

“There you go,” she croons as you gaze up at her.

You didn’t even really notice her laying you down or getting on top of you, but you don’t think about it for long because her knee slides up to your core, grinding until it pushes against your clit.

She catches your moan in a kiss just as she settles her cunt against your thigh.

The feeling of her heat on your leg sends your hips canting against the relentless pressure of her knee. As you squirm and buck, your thigh moves against her, and she moans, biting at your lips until they part with a gasp.

She’s less rough with you than Joel but no less commanding. Her hands grip true and firm, and one winds its way around your neck to squeeze at the sides as she kisses you. You can’t tell which makes you dizzier, but either way, you writhe beneath her just the way she intended.

“I know you’re his,” she murmurs against your swollen lips. “But you’re mine, too, ain’tcha?”

You nod frantically, or at least to the best of your ability, trapped as you are. She eases up a little to let you gasp. You manage to squeak out a “yes, ma’am,” before she increases the pressure again. You’re squirming now, each wriggle of your body bringing you together in a rush of warm, wet ecstasy.

“That’s right,” she says before releasing your throat and focusing her attention on grinding against you. “You wanna cum, sunflower?” Her finger tweaks your nipple.

You reach for her breasts with one hand, the other settling on her thigh, where she’s spread across you. “Want you to,” you pant.

“Oh, I plan on it,” she says. Her smirk is intoxicating, and so is the way her hair falls around her face while she looks down at you. “But you’re gonna cum now.”

Her voice permits no choice, and she jerks her knee against your cunt. The shock and delicious pain of it have you obeying immediately, with her not far behind.

She, at least, has the sense of mind to cover your mouth with her hand. When she’s coming down from her high, she slides it slightly to cover your nose, too.

“Cum again, baby,” she says.

You cling to her with bruising fingers as you cum, and everything goes fuzzy and gray. She pulls her hand away at the last second, rolling her hips against your leg until she cums again, too.

“Please,” you sob.

She doesn’t need you to explain, just rolls back until you can pull your leg out from under her and lunge, burying your face between her thighs.

Her nails scratch against your scalp, and she gasps when you suck on her swollen clit. She lets you lick and draw two more orgasms out of her before she pulls you away from her cunt.

“No more,” she scolds when you whine. “I don’t wanna be sore tomorrow when you come over.”

“Oh, am I coming over tomorrow?” you tease.

“Well, I just said you were, didn’t I? Don’t be late.”

You frown, something too close to a pout, when she rises from the bed and pulls her clothes back on.

“I know,” she says softly, pinching your chin. “You be good and get some sleep, okay? You’re gonna need it.”

She pauses, looking at your bathroom door. “You really got mice in there on purpose?”

You bury your face in your hands and nod. “I can scare ‘em off if you need it.”

She snorts and shakes her head, something almost fond in her eyes, something that will haunt you. “Nah, leave ‘em be.” With one last kiss to your forehead, she slips out of the door.

You hesitate, but get up and lock all the locks behind her.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t expecting Joel to be outside your work. He isn’t, though. You hesitate for a minute, wondering if it means you shouldn’t go over after all.

In the end, your cunt makes the call, and you find your way to their apartment successfully. Look at that, you think. You were paying attention, after all. They never need to know you knocked on two wrong doors first.

Tess opens the third door and smiles. You flush immediately and give her a soft smile back, slipping inside and toeing off your boots. Once you set your bag by the door, you sink onto your knees. It’s all you could think about at work, and you don’t have the strength to fight the urge.

She ruffles your hair. “Look how good you are, pretty girl.”

Your eyes close briefly at the praise, and you look up at her. The fluorescent yellow bulb is obscured behind her head, warmth framing her like a halo.

“Unfortunately, Joel’s not been so good today, sunflower. You’re going to help me remind him how, okay?”

She gives you a hand and doesn’t let go after you stand, leading you into the bedroom. You freeze, though, when you see Joel tied to the bedposts with short lengths of rope and a bandana shoved in his mouth.

He squeezes his eyes tight when he sees you like he can block out the way your eyes are wide and brows furrowed. The shame burns across his body, but more than that, he aches to wipe the concern off your face.

So, he opens his eyes and forces himself into something calm. Accepting. He twitches two fingers against his bond to beckon you.

“Go ahead,” Tess gives you a little shove.

Logically, you know he submits to her. You’ve seen it. But it’s never been like this, never been him restrained or suffering.

He’s usually more like a devoted beast, content to kiss the hand that feeds.

Either way, you go to him and obediently duck so he can cup your face to the best of his ability. You press a kiss to his palm before looking to Tess.

“Someone here decided he couldn’t wait and jerked himself off in the shower this morning, even though you were comin’ over,” she says.

You look at Joel, baffled by the way you almost feel… hurt? It doesn’t make sense, but Tess’s tone seemed to imply you should.

She laughs at the look on your face. “Told ya,” she says to Joel. She comes up behind you, one arm slung across your collarbone and the other hand curling under your chin to grip your jaw. “Little slut’s disappointed.”

You, as always, burn for her amusement.

“Ain’t that right? You woulda been willing to help him out, huh?” she asks. Her grip on your jaw jerks your head up and down even as you’re whimpering, “Yes, ma’am.”

He spits the bandana out. “Told you, I wouldn’t have lasted. Had to take the edge off.”

Oh, she knows. She had come home last night and stroked his cock while telling him all about her visit. She hadn’t let him cum, then, either.

“That’s not for you to decide,” she says, letting you go so she can stuff his mouth full again. “Guess you gotta learn.”

She turns to you. “Climb up and get comfortable between his legs.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He growls. You look sad, and he doesn’t like it. It doesn’t suit you.

Tess catches his eye and looks you over. “Hey,” she says, a hand on your shoulder. “You trust me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” And you mean it, more than you realized.

“Then stop feelin’ bad for him and help him out.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you murmur and climb up onto the bed, finding a home for yourself between his thighs. The dark hair tickles your nose when you press a kiss to the inside of his leg, nuzzling your cheek against it.

You’re not stupid, but you think you might be an idiot. You know what this is. And what it isn’t. But the way your chest warms at being close, at being allowed to see him vulnerable, at being coddled a little by the both of them—well, it’s dangerous.

When Tess rubs a hand over your back and whispers “good girl,” in your ear, you decide you don’t care. So what if your foolish heart is collateral? How many times since the world ended have you gotten to feel anything? You don’t need forever; you just need whatever you have in these moments.

So you’ll take it and swallow it up, bottle it inside for when you need something soft and warm at the end of a bad day.

Unfortunately, all the thinking about things that aren’t has you jittering your right leg. It’s tucked under you and jostles your whole body a little. Your head rests on Joel’s thigh, a torturous inch from his leaking cock.

But you know better. And so you wait.

She takes her sweet time, letting him watch you watch precum leak down. The longer she leaves you there in silence, the more the buzzing in your brain fades to a gentle breeze. Your leg stops its fussing, and you breathe deeper, easier. His thigh is wide and warm, and you’re close enough to smell the deep musk of him.

It makes your mouth water and your mind quiet. She comes back over, and you shudder when her fingers trip up the length of your spine until they come to rest on the back of your neck.

“Go real slow,” she says. “Just kisses and licks, for now.”

You’re in a haze; the world narrowed to her voice and his cock. First, you wipe his leaking slit clean with the broad stripe of your tongue before kissing it softly. He groans, but it settles into a whine when you kiss down the underside until you reach his balls.

They’re hanging at a bit of an awkward angle for you to reach, so you shift to sink lower, steadying yourself with a hand on each of his thighs. You don’t think you’ve ever gotten to properly appreciate him like this, to feel the velvet skin against your cheek as you nuzzle in.

Tess’s hand stays steady on the back of your neck, tethering you to the world without having to focus on the threadbare sheets or the clangs and shouts from the open window.

You’re not sure how long you spend like that, wrapping your tongue around wherever you can reach without actually taking him into your mouth. He’s twitching here and there, rewarding you with tiny tastes of him as you go.

She tugs on your neck, pulling you back. You whine, but he whimpers louder. She lets both of you sit and catch your breath for a moment before she’s pushing you down again.

“Just the tip,” she tells you with a playful wink at Joel.

You wrap your lips around it and can’t help but suck hard. His hips jerk up, but Tess is faster, pulling you out of his reach.

“Hold still,” she says, swatting at his thigh. “Be grateful for what you’re getting.”

She waits until he nods before pushing you back down. You try to be gentler, a softer, pulsing pressure, but he’s squirming beneath you, and you’re aching to have him deeper, sliding just a little further onto his shaft.

Tess yanks you by the neck away from him and fixes you with a stern scowl.

“I’m sorry! I’ll be good,” you cry.

“You better be,” she warns and pushes you back down.

By the time she lets you bury him in your throat, your knees are aching, and Joel is shaking with the effort to hold still. You don’t like the way he gasps and struggles; each sound sending a hairline fracture through something in your chest.

You don’t need to look to know he has tears in his eyes. You can hear it in the ragged breaths and grit of his teeth.

The sun has set. It has to have been at least an hour, maybe two, since this all started.

He lets out a wounded sound, and your own follows.

“Hey,” Tess’s voice cuts through Joel’s whimpers. She tugs at you gently, and you pull off.

“Why’re you crying, sunflower?” she says.

You don’t know how she knew it wasn’t from choking on his cock. It wasn’t like you hadn’t gotten teary before. You weren’t even really sure you were crying. But now that she’s asked, your chest feels tight.

Joel’s focused on you, too, throbbing cock forgotten for a moment.

“I’m okay,” you say, but it’s hardly convincing after it breaks on a sobbing gasp. “I-I—“

She gets on the bed and pulls you into her lap, where you curl around her and begin to cry in earnest. With one hand, she’s able to tug one of Joel’s free, and he’s more than capable of undoing the other.

He sits up on his knees and hovers, hands clenching and unclenching at his side. Tess cradles you and whispers soothing nothings.

Joel finally reaches out and puts his hand on the back of your neck, cupping close. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself.

When you feel his hand on you, unmistakably Joel, both in the breadth of his grip and considering you know where both of Tess’s hands are, you peek up to look at him.

“I’m sorry,” you say, and the chest-wracking gasps take over again. “I’m sorry.”

You’re clinging; you know you are. But it feels all wrong, all jumbled in your chest, like instead of finishing the puzzle, someone just jammed the pieces together until they stuck, no matter the damage.

“Why’re you sorry, huh? You did exactly as you were told,” he says, thumb rubbing over the nape of your neck.

“I don’t know, I feel sad,” you mumble into Tess’s shoulder.

Tess rubs her hand between your shoulder blades. “That was too confusing for you, huh? Put you in a weird place? Like you betrayed him a little bit?”

You nod, rubbing your hand over your clavicle. “Feels wrong.”

“I’m sorry, sunflower.” She kisses your forehead. “You need him to forgive you?”

Your throat is cinched around stone. All you can do is nod.

“Hey, c’mere,” Joel says and pulls you from her lap to his.

You curl up with your face buried in the crook of his arm.

“Ain’t nothin’ to forgive,” he murmurs, kissing the top of your head.

Your inhale sounds mortifyingly like a sob.

Tess shakes her head and raises an eyebrow at him, knowing he gets the same way. “You need to show her. Prove it. Let her earn it.”

“That what ya need? Need your own punishment, remember your place?”

You nod frantically against his collarbone.

“Okay, sweet girl. I can do that.”

Once you’ve settled and the tears subsided, he pries you away and tilts your chin up to look at him. “Lay across my lap.”

You remember his threat from your apartment, and for whatever reason, warmth spreads from your chest to your toes.

He helps you shift into position, arranging you how he wants. A broad hand splays across your hips while the other grips you by the jaw.

“Look at you. You’re just a little girl who needs a spanking, huh?” His grip intensifies, craning your neck.

“Yes sir,” you cry.

“Say it.”

“I—I’m just a little girl who needs a spanking.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“‘Cause you’ll take care of me.”

It’s not the answer any of you expected. Tess gives a low whistle. Joel’s grip on your jaw slackens just a little.

His other hand comes up to brush against your cheek. He clears his throat, and when he speaks, it’s softer, quieter. “That’s right. I’m gonna take care of ya.”

Your lip quivers, and you don’t know why. Everything is suddenly in stereo sound. Your scalp stings. The brush of his dry finger scrapes against the apple of your cheek. There’s a crack opening somewhere, maybe your throat, maybe your stomach.

Tess runs a hand through Joel’s hair, and he releases your jaw, broad palm finding purchase on the upturned curve of your back.

“Jus’ relax ‘n let me take care of ya,” he rumbles.

The first hit is soft. A test. You don’t flinch when he lifts his hand to strike you again.

The third one stings, and you huff out a breath but hold steady. His hand on your back seems to be supporting your entire spine, given that the rest of you feels like it may melt into the horrible carpet. Another stain in their apartment, but at least this one will bring good memories. You hope.

You might have spent more on the thought, but the next smack lands hard and heavy, and you yelp, nails digging into his calf where they cling for stability. Physical and mental.

“Shh, you’re alright,” he says, rubbing his thumb back and forth where it lays.

The next hit is hard again. And the next. And the three after that.

You’re wriggling in his lap now, not trying to escape but simply squirming after each spank as if you could douse the fire he’s started.

He rubs your ass where his palm had just bounced from, and you suck in a soft hiss.

“I want to give you five more,” he says. “Can you take it?”

You don’t even think about it. “Yes, sir,” you say, shuddering.

His hand cracks down hard before you can brace yourself, and you whimper, kicking your feet a little and squirming.

The next one pushes the tears over the edge as you cry out, writhing a little.

“Good girl, you’re doing so good, darlin’,” he croons.

You want nothing more than to believe him. The words sink beneath your skin, and you expect them to itch like all praise. But they don’t.

The next three aren’t as harsh. At least, you think they aren’t? You’re feeling kind of sleepy. Or dizzy. Maybe both.

“C’mere,” he says, pulling you up seated in his lap. “You took that so well. So good for us, baby.”

Tess hands you a glass of water and kisses the top of your head. She kisses Joel’s, too.

“Y’did good, sweet boy,” she tells him.

You sip at the water while they kiss, something silent passing overhead. You don’t try to catch it; it’s not for you.

You feel quiet. Like sitting there in Joel’s lap, drinking your water is the only thing in your life. Nothing buzzes behind your skull; nothing sends you jittering and twitching and bouncing. It’s… well, it’s quiet.

“Alright, I think you’ve both earned a reward,” Tess says.

Joel looks up at her.

She grins. “I’m going to fuck you while you fuck her.”

His grip on your waist tightens. “Can I…”

“Yes, I’ll let you come, baby,” she says. “I think you learned your lesson. And you’ve done such a good job with our girl there.”

You’re leaning against his chest, now, listening to the rumble of his voice. You’re not really sure what they’re talking about, but you think maybe you’re going to get fucked now. Which sounds great. You sigh softly, eyes fluttering shut.

“Hey,” he jostles you a little. “You awake enough to fuck?”

“Mhm.”

He nudges you again, and you blink up at him. “I’m awake,” you whine, nuzzling into his neck and setting your teeth gently against the tendon in protest.

“Didn’t you just get spanked?” he scolds. “You need another round?”

“No,” you mumble, even though maybe your pussy is saying yes. But you’re starting to think she doesn’t have your best interests in mind. “I dunno. Maybe later.”

He sighs, shaking his head. “Lay down,” he says, pushing slowly at your shoulder. You whine and cling with your arms around his neck. He wants you to move? It seems so cruel.

You tell him so, and he rolls his eyes before slipping an arm under your knees and standing up. You squeak.

You try to bury your face further into Joel, but he dumps you unceremoniously on the bed.

You pout, and he smirks as he prowls, trapping you between his knees and bringing your arms up over your head.

“You wanna keep up the attitude? I don’t have to let you cum tonight,” he says as he cages you in.

You whimper, less at his words than at the way you’re throbbing. “I’ll be good,” you whisper.

“Wanna try that again?”

“I’ll be good, sir.”

He kisses your forehead, still looming over you. “Yeah, you will.”

“You want her to help get you ready, baby?” Tess says.

“Oh fuck,” Joel whispers. He looks down at you. “Ever eaten ass, princess?”

You can’t help the moan that slips out, nodding. “Not in a long time.”

He cocks an eyebrow at you. “Y’keep sayin’ that. How long was it for ya, before us?”

You flush and suddenly can’t look at him. “Like. Years. Too long.”

“Don’t gotta be shy about it, sunflower,” Tess says. “We were just curious.”

Mortifyingly, you realize that means they talked about you when you weren’t there. Of course, they did, but you didn’t think it really went beyond “Hey did you like that” and “Do we want to fuck her again?”

“Oh god,” you whisper.

“C’mon and put that mouth to better use,” Joel says, rolling his eyes. He tugs you down further on the mattress before kneeling at the top of the bed, knees bracketing your head.

You don’t waste time, leaning forward to first lick at his balls before dragging your tongue back. You can’t help but nip at his butt. He pinches at your breast in return, and you grin as you drag your tongue in circles, coming close but never quite touching where he needs you.

He gasps when you finally lick across his hole, soaking him in your saliva but only using soft, light touches. He grinds down onto your face, forcing you to devote your attention to him, kissing and licking until your face is covered in your own spit from how buried in him you are.

It’s your turn to gasp when, just as you press the tip of your tongue inside him, Tess slides two fingers into your cunt and curls them. Having regained control of the situation, Joel gropes at your breasts, tugging your nipples until they’re stretched almost too painfully, and you don’t really recognize the wet sounds above you right away.

You almost cum when you realize they’re making out as they toy with you. Tess works you open with three fingers now as you twirl your tongue in tight circles. She pulls her hand free and breaks the kiss just to shove her fingers into his mouth. He sucks and licks your slick from her, and when she pulls her hand away, they both move in tandem without speaking a word.

He moves down off the bed to bury his face between your legs, bent at the waist so she can work lubed-up fingers into his ass. He moans against your clit, and you writhe under the weight of his strong arm across your hips.

He smacks your hip. “Cum,” he growls, pinching your clit and licking as deep as he can inside you. You do, crying out just a little too loud and wincing at the sound.

“Don’t,” Tess scolds. “Let us hear you, sunflower.”

“B-but—”

“You think we give a fuck about the neighbors?” She pulls back from Joel and slaps his ass. “C’mon, give her your cock now.”

He taps your thigh and jerks his head toward the top of the bed. You scoot back a little.

“Ready, sunflower? You want me t’fill you up?” His fist is wrapped around the base of his cock.

“Please, sir,” you say, spreading your legs wide and tilting your hips up.

“Attagirl,” he murmurs. Once he’s settled on top of you, Tess grabs him by the hair.

“Just the tip, baby,” she says. “Let me fuck you into her.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says while you moan.

He notches himself at your slit and gently pushes until the head of his cock is nestled inside you. His hands are balled into fists where they cage you in, and his chest heaves with the effort. After all the wretched edging earlier, he’s not actually sure he can hold back.

“Good boy,” Tess murmurs.

It helps, at least until he hears the vibrator click to life inside her. She moans and adjusts the harness a little before she slaps his ass and pushes in agonizingly slow.

It doesn’t stay slow. She drags it out just until you both are desperate before grabbing his hips and shoving the rest of her strap in. It knocks him forward to split you open.

You think you might actually die this time. How is it that she keeps coming up with even better ways to fuck?

You expect him to try to take control, but he lets her set the unforgiving rhythm, fucking herself on the cock held tight inside her by the harness and taking Joel apart with the other half. Each time her hips crash into him, he rocks into you.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Joel grunts, leaning down to bite at your tits so you writhe and whine beneath him.

You grip one of his biceps and reach up for Tess with the other hand. She entwines your fingers, grinning as you grip on desperately. Joel’s teeth have found your neck, leaving marks for you to find later.

You’re not sure how many times you cum. Or Tess, for that matter. Joel manages two. When Tess takes pity on him for the first, he breaks apart so hard that he buries his face in your tits, biting down and leaving hot tears behind. She fucks him through it, and he never goes fully soft, still twitching and throbbing inside you.

When he starts to protest from the overstimulation, she clicks her tongue at him. “No. Another.”

“I can’t,” he whimpers.

“Yeah, you can. Don’t you want him to cum again, sunflower?”

“Uh-huh,” is all you manage as the breath gets knocked out of you on each thrust.

“Be a good boy and cum for me again,” she says. She lets go of your hand to wrap hers around his throat.

You moan, remembering the way she held yours just yesterday.

He gets a glint in his eye even as they glaze over a little, and slides his hand up to do the same to you.

“Fuck, look at you,” Tess says, eyes flicking between you. “Both bein’ so good for me.”

It’s really all it takes. Joel starts to cum first, and when you feel him jerk inside you, this orgasm forcing some of his first load out to pool on the sheet, you snap, warmth flooding you as you tremble beneath them.

All of it sends Tess over the edge, too, and she reaches out to stroke your cheek as she cums, her other hand still loosely cupping Joel’s neck.

Joel’s shaking as he holds himself over you carefully, waiting as Tess gently pulls out. He follows, concern in his wrinkles as you wince.

“M’ok,” you mumble.

Tess goes to head to the bathroom for a towel but he stops her, grabbing her hand and bringing it to his lips. He jerks his head to the bed, and she sighs but crawls beside you to let him handle cleanup.

You watch him, brow furrowed just a little. He should be more tired than either of you.

“He likes to take care of me,” she says. “Of both of us. Sometimes, we just gotta let him.” She tucks an arm under you, and you roll to wrap your arm around her waist.

Tess insists they walk you home that night. “But will you make it back before curfew?” you try to protest.

“Y’ain’t gotta worry about us,” Joel cuts in gruffly. “We’re the ones that gotta worry about you.”

You bite your lip but don’t argue. There’s no point once they’ve decided something, anyway.

Something about it feels off, like you’re in someone else’s skin, but then she slips her hand into yours. Joel trails behind you, scowl firmly locked in place as he shoots dark looks around.

You draw the line at them coming into the building. It feels sickeningly silly, like you’re playing pretend in dangerous waters. Your firm “no” doesn’t stop Tess from kissing your cheek or Joel from rubbing your shoulder before you go inside.

You’d always been fine by yourself before, but your new bed feels cold and lonely.

next chapter

*title from "HandClap" by Fitz and the Tantrums

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x oc #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #joel miller x tess servopoulos #joel miller x reader x tess servopoulos #tess servopoulos x you #tess servopolous x joel miller x you #tess servopolous x joel miller #tess servopoulos x reader x joel miller #tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos x f!reader #the last of us smut #the last of us fic #tlou smut

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heathersdesk · 6 months ago

Text

My grandfather was killed in a hit and run accident in 1978.

His mother and sister struggled with life after that. They decided to go on a trip across the United States together to get away from things for a while.

I discovered this trip when I was going through photo albums and suddenly saw a place I recognized.

The Salt Lake Temple.

They went to many places during that trip. But there was something truly special to me that, in one of the worst seasons of their lives, they ended up at the temple.

I served part of my mission at Temple Square. I was waiting for a visa to Brazil that I began to think was never coming. I had a truly horrendous time in the MTC babysitting a district of Elders who spent weeks on end bullying me and tearing down my self-esteem. I was told directly by someone, I forget who now, that I was being sent there to recover. And when I realized that the mission had no young Elders in it at all, that it was only Sisters and senior couples, I came to appreciate what that meant.

I had so many wild interactions there with so many people. Some of them were strange, like the guy who viewed the Book of Mormon as proof of alien interactions with humans. There were moments of heartbreak, like the woman who was in tears at the Christus statue who attacked us when we checked in on her. There were moments of pure delight, like when an LDS family with two young daughters came to that same Christus statue. The oldest girl, no older than 4 or 5, squealed "JESUS" and ran to the Savior's feet, little sister in tow. Whenever I hear someone mention the teaching to become as a little child, she is exactly who I think of.

There were also moments that were meant solely for me, like when I met the first Sister to ever be called to the Boston mission I had hoped to go to to wait for my visa. Boston has a large Brazilian population, many of whom are members of the Church. I had begged in prayer to be sent there and was told by other people it wouldn't happen because "Sisters don't go there." I had an entire conversation with the woman who was going to be that change. It seemed cruel to me at the time, dangling the carrot of something I wanted right in front of my face. In time, I've realized it was so I would remember that God does miracles and is aware of the desires of my heart, even if it means I don't get what I want. Someone needed to exercise enough faith to push that door open for women. I put my full weight behind it, and I can be just as proud that it opened for someone else.

But some of my favorite people I met there were people who just made me laugh. I met a Jewish convert from New York who told us his conversion story, how what drew him in was the Plan of Salvation. He summarized it in a New York accent in a voice I can still hear in my mind: "So you're a god, eventually. But can you pay RENT?!"

One of my favorite people I met was a Scottish convert named Agnes who was doing the Mormon trail across the US, beginning in New England and ending in Utah. She was a much older woman and told us all about her pilgrimage, and how she had cuddled with the oxen at the baptismal font in the Manhattan New York Temple. (I've been there. You enter into the baptistry on face level with them, or did the last time I was there.) She shared her testimony with us, and I'll never forget what she said.

She explained that the story of Joseph Smith was really hard to get her mind around. It truly is an insane set of asks: angels, gold plates, polygamy, and all the rest. She talked about how she came to accept it—not through any kind of empirical evidence or proof, but through faith and what that looked like.

For her, it was the recognition that being LDS was the best way she had ever encountered to live an excellent life. She said that the worst case scenario she could imagine is one where God would say to her, "You know that whole business with Joseph Smith was a load of crock, right? But you lived such a good life, I have to let you in anyway."

That has always stayed with me. Agnes was one of many people who came to the Square looking for something. I saw people come there looking for faith, or a fight, and truly everything in between. And it's only now that I'm older and wiser that I see something clearly now that I couldn't see then.

Agnes didn't need to come to Temple Square to find faith. She already had a tremendous amount of faith. She, and many others, were looking for conviction. I was at Temple Square long enough to learn you don't get that from a place. While a place like Temple Square can illuminate the possibilities for conviction through the lens of history, it doesn't bestow that conviction through contact or proximity alone. Conviction is made from the materials of your own life and your own choices. Your will, how firmly you place yourself into an immovable and unyielding position, is the measure of your convictions. It comes from within.

Faith is the decision to believe in what you cannot see, and what cannot be proven objectively. That never goes away. Nothing we experience in life, no place we ever visit, will create a shortcut under, over, or around that decision to believe, to trust in God. Faith, at its core, is a decision. The ability to continue making that decision over and over again, under all species of hardship and opposition, is conviction.

Where Jesus walked is nowhere near as important as how Jesus walked, and with whom. The same is true for all of us. Our walk with God might never take us anywhere near a temple because of where God has called us to go. But we are the holiest dwelling places of God on earth—not any of the buildings we've made.

Be a holy place of living faith wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be. Worship God, no matter what places you can or cannot enter. There is more than one way to access a temple. One way is to enter a place that people invite God to dwell. The other is to become that place. There can be no separation from God where communion never ceases. It is the refuge that is unassailable by others for as long as the person wills it so. The torch within will not go out.

The temple is not special because it has some holy essence that springs forth out of nothing, to passively be absorbed by others. The temple is special because it directs people to Jesus Christ, who is the giver of healing and peace. The temple is just a building. It's Jesus Christ that is the true power behind it all, whose objective is to make you, me, and every person you know the holiest creature you've ever beheld. You are the end goal.

#mormon #lds #mormonism #tumblrstake #the church of jesus christ of latter day saints #religion #faith #queerstake #christianity #lds temple #temple square #Alma 32

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iguessitsjustme · 1 year ago

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Imagine Boston in New York. He’s at a bar with his boyfriend. They have an open relationship and an ongoing competition. After they hook up with other people the winner is whoever slept with the hottest person. Boston is winning but only by a tiny margin. They give each other the playful romance they want but they can and do seek physical intimacy elsewhere. Boston’s boyfriend is only a little jealous of how often Nick’s picture shows up in his art show. But he gets it because he has a past too. His boyfriend is most curious about the picture of a group of people on prominent display in Boston’s bedroom though. Boston has only ever told him that they were once his friends when he was back in Thailand and he doesn’t really talk to them anymore. There’s sadness in his eyes but his boyfriend doesn’t ask. He knows all too well the pain of losing a friendship. One day, Boston let’s slip the amount of times he’s been blackmailed and that some of the people in the friend group in his photo were involved. “Why the fuck do you hang their photo then? They sound awful?” Boston admits to his crime of being a huge enough slut to sleep with Atom, Cheum’s brother. And that his exile is his repentance for his sins. His boyfriend just looks at his and goes “So you had consensual sex and because of lies told about you because you slept around, the kicked you out of the friend group and you didn’t graduate? That’s fucked up. I’m glad you have better friends now.” And then they make out about it.

#only friends #only friends the series #only friends series #ofts

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jtargaryen18 · 2 years ago

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His Inheritance ~ Chapter 28

Part 28: Fatal Trespasses

Series Masterlist

Words: 6.7k

Pairing: Mobster Steve Rogers x Mobster daughter reader

Warnings: References to mob crime families, strong language, physical violence, character death. This is a dark fic. Please read responsibly.

Disclaimer: The author of this work claims no ownership of characters aside from the reader, and original secondary characters mentioned. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content and darker themes. By reading this work or any works on my blog (jtargaryen18), you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I do not consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown and tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.

Summary: For @alexakeyloveloki. Your father is the head of one of the most powerful crime families in Boston but he’s protected you from that life. In your quiet home outside the city, you’ve been cared for and protected. When the desires of a more powerful man with the will to dominate bursts into your life, all your illusions are shattered as he comes to claim what is his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clint paused to see Belova’s number on his phone, especially since Steve tossed her out. He understood why his boss did it, he just didn’t entirely agree with it. Belova was young, but she had a lot of potential. She was strong and loyal. Clint had no reason not to trust her.

That, more than anything, had him answering the call.

“Belova?”

“I’ve got a location on Banner,” she said.

That got his interest. “Where?”

Belova gave him the address, an apartment over a dive bar on Stark’s turf. He knew the place.

Neal’s words about Belova falling into enemy hands crossed his mind.

“How do I know you’re not walking me into a trap?” he had to ask.

“I may not be working for the Rogers family at the moment,” she said. “But I still serve Mrs. Rogers. She would want me to relay this information.”

“Yeah, she would,” Clint said. Mrs. Rogers trusted her and considering how she’d supported him and Nat, well, that meant something to him.

“There’s more on Banner,” she went on quickly. “It will be sent to you from an unknown number when this call ends. I hope you’ll find it helpful.”

Clint did too. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too,” she said, ending the call.

Sure enough, the text came through a few seconds later. The attachment didn’t have much to offer about Bruce Banner. But his Senator brother? Clint had to read over it again to make sure he read it correctly. If what he was reading got out, the scandal would ruin the entire Banner family.

How the hell did Belova pull it off?

He and Scott were supposed to carry out their part of the boss’s plan tonight, around midnight. Clint had almost six hours to kill before getting ready for that. Did he trust Belova? Would he find Banner if he went to that address?

Anger for every bruise, every cut on Nat’s body rushed to the surface as he considered the intel he’d just been given. His Nat would need weeks to physically heal from the beating she’d taken at the hands of her husband. The fear she’d experienced in the trap of her marriage would take a lot longer to recover from if she ever did.

Guilt clawed at him from the inside, like an old, wounded beast. He could have put a stop to it. He could have taken her and run. He would have betrayed his loyalty to her brother, his boss. But maybe they’d be somewhere safe right now. Maybe she wouldn’t have terrible nightmares and shadows behind her eyes.

Maybe Steve would have killed them.

No, Clint told her over and over that he loved her. That one day, maybe Steve would change his mind and they could be together as they were always meant to be. And that day finally came. Neither of them dared to ask for more. Steve allowing them to be together was more than they could have hoped for.

But Nat had taken a severe beating to get them to that point. And Steve still wouldn’t have gone to check on her if hadn’t been for his wife’s insistence. Not with everything going on all around them.

He would have given anything to take that beating for Nat. He’d felt so helpless that day when they found her like that in her husband’s house, broken and small. Yet again, Clint had been forced to contain the rage he hadn’t been allowed to express or act on. It had been one of the hardest things he’d done in his whole damn life. And he’d been recovering from getting shot on top of it.

But now, just maybe Belova had given him something he desperately wanted – a chance at some payback.

Steve? Well, Steve warned Banner that he needed to disappear. That the man only made it as far as Stark territory was surely not what the boss had in mind.

Banner never paid any attention to the soldiers outside his house. He took them for granted. Setting up a diversion for the armed guards staying with Banner was just too easy. Within an hour, Clint had Banner delivered to the old warehouse on the outskirts of the city. They often used it for such special occasions.

Slumped in the wooden chair with his hands bound in front of him and a sack over his head, Banner just sat, waiting. Clint would have had him tied to that chair but his arms, shown off by the dirty white t-shirt he wore, showed layers of bruises. They looked as bad as those on the woman he loved.

Clint smiled. It was the least of what the fucker deserved.

When the sack was pulled from his head, Banner’s gaze wildly scanned the room. When he spotted Clint, outrage blended with fear to find himself at the mercy of his wife’s lover.

“What the fuck is this?” Banner asked. His lower lip was cut, a dark ugly scab at its center. One of his eyes was blackened. “Steve and I had a deal.”

“Sure you did,” Clint told him. “You either disappear or you would disappear. But holing up on Stark turf? That’s not really disappearing, is it?”

“And you’re doing this to prove what?” Banner asked, eyeing him warily.

“Got nothing to prove,” Clint told him, taking a step closer.

Banner’s dark eyes hardened in anger. “Don’t you?”

Clint watched the anger that Nat described so many times about darken his face. Banner always seemed so calm, collected whenever Clint observed him during business transactions for the family.

When the two men crossed paths, the anger Clint held in check was always close to the surface. Banner was married to the woman he loved, and the man’s entitlement and contempt made Clint sick inside, like poison. Banner had Steve fooled, painting Nat as pampered but unstable and dramatic. Banner had to know Nat was with him every opportunity they had – and there were precious few times. Bitterness that he could never make Nat love him drove Banner to abuse her, verbally and mentally.

That was bad enough. When Nat learned she was pregnant, Clint came so close to getting her to run away with him. She thought about it. One tearful night, she told him she would. That was the night of the horrible fight Banner had with Nat. The one where Nat was left broken at the foot of the stairs.

She lost the baby. His baby, not Banner’s. That loss haunted her, and she blamed herself. For him, that loss was a wound that never healed, a hole in his heart.

Clint waited, not willing to let the lawyer draw him into a debate. It wasn’t easy.

After a moment, Banner chuckled, shaking his head though Clint could tell the effort physically hurt him.

“Steve’s got his sister back home now,” Banner taunted him. “He’ll even let you take care of her like the good dog you are. But he’s never going to give her to you. Not even now. Not while he can marry her off to benefit the family. You are stupid if you believe that.”

Clint had to give the bastard credit. He always knew the worst thing to hit someone with, how to strike at their deepest fears. He was a fucking lawyer. He’d been doing it to Nat their entire marriage. On nights when Clint was out there in the night, waiting to do Steve’s bidding, he’d reflect on the stories she told him. On the cutting things her husband would say to her.

Clint shrugged. He wasn’t about to play the game.

“Sounds like he already has someone in mind,” Clint lied casually. “Yeah, she needs to heal up. She looks worse than you do. But once she’s on the mend, I imagine Steve will marry her off again.”

The smirk on the other man’s mouth faded. Banner hadn’t expected him to say that.

“What?” was all Banner could say.

Clint folded his arms across his chest, standing over the bastard. “Steve can’t have Nat in his house for long. Not with his own little wife. It’s not an ideal situation. I’m sure you understand.”

Banner’s snort was an ugly sound. “Steve can’t handle his wife. If he knew how to deal with her, we wouldn’t be here, now would we?”

“Sounds like you’re blaming all this on Mrs. Rogers,” Clint pointed out.

“It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” Banner demanded. “Steve doesn’t usually make time to do welfare checks on his sister. He could handle women just like I handled his sister. Until he married her. I showed up at his house and that little bitch met me at the door. I knew it was her that sent him to my house. She wasn’t even trying to hide it.”

“Then you get why Steve can’t let Nat linger.” Clint tried to keep the emotion out of his voice, to sound like he didn’t care.

Banner’s mind looked to be going a mile a minute. Anger flashed in those dark eyes as he studied Clint hard.

“I hope she gets what she deserves,” Banner’s tone took on a hint of bitterness. “Honestly, Nat played you and me both. She didn’t love either one of us… Ungrateful bitch.”

Clint’s fist flew before his mind could override it, striking Banner’s unbruised eye. Banner somehow managed to stay in the chair, a grin on his face when he returned his gaze to his rival.

“I knew you were full of shit,” Banner called him out.

“I’m full of shit?” Clint demanded. “I’m not the one that’s cast out, am I?”

“I served Steve well,” Banner shot back. “He couldn’t have had a better consigliere and he made a mistake. A huge mistake.”

Clint didn’t like the way he said that with a sly grin playing along his split lip.

“Now he’s got another consigliere,” Clint pointed out. “He’ll be fine.”

Banner dropped his head, shaking it in frustration. What was he not saying? That Banner was still bitter about how his marriage ended? That was obvious. But somehow, he didn’t think that Nat was the sole issue here. Why had Banner still stayed close by?

“Something else you wanted to say?” Clint asked meaningfully.

It pissed him off that Banner was now trying to ignore him. It had always pissed him off that Banner considered himself better than Clint. But that was nothing compared to how he’d treated Nat, the woman he knew Clint would die for.

Anger rose as Clint grabbed a fistful of Banner’s hair and yanked his head back sharply, making the man look at him. And Banner did look him in the eye, pure defiance flashing in those cold depths. But he wasn’t saying anything.

With his left fist, he punched Banner in the nose. The second time he felt the cartilage give beneath his knuckles. Blood gushed from the man’s nose, but he stoically kept silent. Clint struck his chin, his injured eye. Banner muffled his cries of pain, fighting to be silent.

The glee Clint expected to feel at such a moment just wasn’t there. Banner wasn’t begging him for mercy. He wasn’t cowering as Clint imagined he would. That meant the fucker had some hope he was hanging onto. He thought about Banner’s senator brother.

“Counting on your brother to save you?” Clint asked, smirking. “I wouldn’t count on that.”

Clint released his hair. Banner held Clint’s gaze. “Yeah?”

The bastard didn’t look concerned. Yet.

“Yeah,” Clint said. “He’s going to go through some things.”

Banner looked only mildly concerned. “Is he?”

Pissed off, Clint leaned down to get in his face. “You’re not worried about that girl that died on your brother’s boat last summer?”

Banner rolled his eyes. “Why should I be?”

“Someone out there knows her death wasn’t an accident,” Clint informed him. “And they have proof.”

Of all the things he expected the fucker to do, laughing wasn’t one of them. It irked Clint so fucking much, he reared back and punched Banner again, the blow knocking him off the chair. Banner was still laughing.

Trying not to let frustration best him, Clint turned back to one of the two men he brought with him, silently watching from behind him. “Give me those pliers.”

Clint didn’t take his eyes off Banner, gripping the metal tool once it was placed in his hand. The man trying pull himself off the floor with his hands bound before him did look less amused. His dark eyes were on the pliers Clint held.

Wait. Banner wasn’t worried at all about his brother’s scandal, the only reason Steven didn’t make him dead for what he did to Nat. But he was worried about the pliers.

“Put his ass back in the chair,” Clint told his men. He watched as they rushed over to Banner and none-too-gently hauled him back into the chair. “Tape him to it.”

That had Banner’s attention. Wildly, he watched as one of his guys pulled a thick roll of duct tape from his pocket. Pulling up a strip, it made a loud familiar sound.

“Wait,” Banner was worried now. “What are we doing here?” They started taping him to the chair and Banner was shouting “hey!” and “stop!”

It occurred to Clint that Banner wasn’t worried about his brother’s potential scandal. That was in the future. He was worried about having his teeth pulled out of his mouth one by one in the next few minutes. The time frame…

“What did you do, Banner?” Clint moved closer once his guys finished taping him to the chair. “What’s coming?”

Banner was silent. Now he was scared. Holy fuck. What was going on?

“Hold his head,” Clint ordered.

Banner shouted “No-no-no-no-no-no-no!” Smart enough to know what was going to happen.

Grabbing Banner’s upper lip, he pulled it painfully back from the man’s teeth.

“You know something,” Clint told him. “For every minute you don’t tell me, I’m pulling out one of these pearly whites. Got it?”

Banner didn’t immediately speak. Clint took the pliers, using them to grip one of Banner’s upper front teeth. Thrashing in the chair, Banner grew more desperate by the second, drooling and yelling “no!” at turns while Clint’s men held him steady.

“What’s coming?” Clint asked.

“I d-don’t know,” Banner managed around the tool and with Clint holding his lip. “Don’t!”

Clint pulled the tooth out with a quick yank while Banner screamed, thrashing in the hold of his men. Blood flowed from the hole where his tooth had been, from his nose, and his eyes were wide when Clint tossed the tooth casually away.

“Let’s try this again,” Clint said calmly, fear of what he didn’t know battling with the satisfaction of torturing the miserable fuck.

Clint aimed for the other front tooth when Banner cried, “Wait!”

He paused, but he didn’t move the pliers. Banner appeared desperate.

“Barnes knows!” Banner yelled.

Those two words had Clint taking a step back, taking the pliers with him. “Barnes knows what?”

Clint was all too afraid he knew the answer to that.

“Everything!” Banner cried. “You pulled my fucking tooth out!”

At Clint’s nod, his men stepped back. He got in Banner’s face again.

“What do you mean everything?” Clint wanted to know. “You been a rat all along, Banner? Is that it?”

“Hey, I’m not the rat,” Banner told him, blood filling his mouth.

“Then how do you know anything about Barnes?” Clint didn’t like this. Was something going to happen tonight? Had someone told Barnes all about their plan. This is bad. “If you’re not the rat, who is?”

Banner was shaking his head, blood running down his face, staining his clothes. Forcefully, he spat out blood.

“They’ll kill me,” Banner told him, worry flooding the man’s expression.

Clint had to laugh at that.

“What do you think I’m going to do?” Clint demanded. “You were just handed the woman I love, and I had to watch that shit, all these years. I got to watch while you betrayed her, laid hands on her.”

“Betrayed her?” Banner yelled. “She betrayed me! She never gave me a chance. I was her husband. I would have done anything for her. And she didn’t care. She was off fucking you every chance she got. Faithless bitch!”

“I will pull every goddamn tooth out of your head if you say another fucking word about her,” Clint promised, waving the pliers in front of his face. “What does Barnes know and how does he know it?”

“I wasn’t involved with any of it… until Steve broke off from Katerina,” Banner said after a moment.

And that was before Steve got married.

“Paulina’s sister, right? The one you’ve been fucking?” Clint asked.

Banner spit at Clint in anger, the bloody lob barely grazing Clint’s shoe. “I wouldn’t have fucked anyone else if I have a loyal, loving wife.”

“What did I say?” Clint’s grip tightened on the tool in his hand. “And?”

“After Steve cut her off, Kat took up with Barnes,” Banner explained.

Clint was already shaking his head. “Kat wouldn’t have known anything,” Clint told him. “Steve wouldn’t do that.”

“But I did,” Banner admitted. “One night I got to Paulina’s place and Kat dropped by. Barnes was with her.”

Holy shit.

“Barnes wasn’t trying to get me to rat anyone out,” Banner explained slowly. “But he made me an offer.”

Clint was sure he did. “What offer?”

“Barnes told me he was looking for a new consigliere,” Banner said, defiance shining in his dark eyes. “Everybody knows Petruzello is going to retire soon. Hell, he’s been with them for decades… Barnes told me he could use a guy like me. He saw me for my talent. Saw how I was being treated over here.”

“How you were treated?” Clint’s voice rose. “Are you fucking kidding me? What were you fucking lacking? You had Nat and she’s all I want in this world. You had a beautiful fucking house, nice cars, nice whore. Lot of money. Explain it to me.”

“You know what else I had?” Banner grumbled. “I had competition. And no matter how many fucking times I begged Steve to get rid of your sorry ass, he refused.”

“But Barnes was willing to, right? Is that why I got shot?” Clint shook his head, barely holding his rage down. “You must have been so fucking disappointed that I lived.”

“I was.” Banner’s glare stayed on him.

“So then what? In your anger, you beat the shit out of Nat? Is that it? You took it out on her?” Oh, something Clint said had angry color flooding Banner’s face. “Am I wrong?”

“I wouldn’t have laid a hand on my wife,” Banner said indignantly. “Not without good reason.”

“There is no good reason to hit a woman,” Clint shot back. “Never… It also wasn’t the first time.”

“How would you have felt?” Banner yelled, struggling with the tape holding him in the chair. “It was bad enough that she cheated on me with you. She never got fucking over you. Then she turns up pregnant… I completely lost it.”

The back of Clint’s hand flew, sending Banner’s head spinning. But he wasn’t backing down. With an angry glare, Banner said, “You think you would have done better? If it had been my baby, you wouldn’t have done the same?”

It took everything in him not to just shoot the bastard. Banner knew Nat was pregnant and he knew it wasn’t his. Rage clouded his mind but as he blew out an exhale, Clint tried to focus. The pregnancy had been the reason he’d beaten his wife the first time.

Why did he do it the second time?

“Did you agree to beat Nat that night for a diversion?” Clint asked him calmly. “Because the very next day, Steve called a meeting of the families. The very next day, Hansen attacked Steve’s house. He tried to take Steve’s wife. And that was your job, wasn’t it? You beat Nat to try and draw Steve out. Barnes would have known Steve only leaves the house now for business talks. Am I right?”

The corners of Banner’s mouth tipped up as he glared at him. The answer to Clint’s question was in that self-righteous smirk.

Barnes wanted Steve’s position that badly. They’d underestimated him.

“What was in it for you?” Clint had to know. “Besides taking over as Barnes consigliere. What?”

“What the fuck do you think?” Banner shot back. “The plan was for him to take Steve off the board and you with him. I’d be his new consigliere and Nat would be mine. No more interference from her brother or you. She would finally, totally be just mine.”

Swallowing back the sting of bile in the back of his throat, Clint stared him down. “Is that the plan for tonight, Banner? Is tonight Barnes’ second shot at it?”

But then it occurred to him, Banner had been tossed out. He wasn’t there when they made the plan for tonight. He had no way of knowing what was coming down. Not while his only ties left to the Rogers’ family was Paulina.

The bullet came out of nowhere, piercing Banner’s forehead and sending his head sharply back.

Clint dropped the pliers and hit the floor as another shot from behind him hit one of his men in the head. Fuck! Finding cover behind a stack of shipping pallets, Clint pulled out his .45 and began trading fire with whoever the hell it was. The other soldier he brought with him stayed behind him.

Popping up, Clint fired shots at where he thought the shooter must be. One of his bullets found the target, the rough cry sounding familiar. The sound of retreating steps had Clint sprinting in that direction, trying like hell to see who exactly who the fucker was.

If it wasn’t the rat in their family, and Clint suspected it was, it was one of Barnes men. By the time Clint reached the old rusty warehouse door, whoever had been there was gone.

Clint’s mind spun. Barnes was coming after them tonight. His first responsibility was to get to Steve and let him know they were in a world of shit right now.

His heart had him making a different choice. With shaking, blood-covered hands, Clint pulled out his phone and called Nat.

“Clint?” She still answered the phone quietly, as she had the last several years when no one was supposed to know they were talking. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, baby,” he assured her. “But we have a very big problem right now and I need you to do something for me.”

“Okay,” she said.

“When I end this call, I’ve got to tell Steve that we’ve been ratted out,” Clint explained quickly. “Barnes knows what we planned and that puts all of us in danger.”

“Oh my, God,” she whispered.

His heart squeezed in his chest. His Nat had been through so much.

“I don’t want you to worry about that,” Clint told her. “I want you to go get your sister-in-law. Right now. Get her out and take her to your mother’s sewing room. I need you to promise me you’ll do this as soon as you get off the phone.”

“Clint, I’m n-not dressed,” she said in a shaking voice. “I’m in pajamas—”

“You’re not going to take the time to get dressed, baby,” Clint said firmly. “You’re going to do what I tell you. Get the two of you in there as fast as you can. Okay? Do this for me?”

A moment passed. Finally, she said, “Yes… I’ll go now.”

“I love you,” he told her. “Always remember I love you so much.”

“I love you,” she said through tears. “Please stay alive. I can’t l-lose you now.”

Clint didn’t know what they were facing. He really didn’t.

“You won’t lose me,” he told her. “Now go. Get to that room and stay there.”

“Clint!” His other man yelled to get his attention as he pocketed his phone. “Incoming. Look like Barnes’ men.”

Taking a deep breath, Clint got ready for whatever was coming. And he had every intention of getting back to Nat.

***

The sound of the key rattling in the doorknob of your room pulled your attention from the book you really weren’t reading. It was a little early for dinner but maybe Dyson had a reason for arriving early. You knew the family had plans tonight. Dangerous plans.

You didn’t expect Nat to scramble into your room like a scared mouse, swallowed by the dark green bathroom she wore over her pajamas. Her eyes were wide, and fear reflected from those depths.

Something was very wrong here.

“Nat?” You rose from the bed, and she dashed over to you, her hands twisting around the old-fashioned ring of keys like nervous birds.

“Clint called me,” she whispered. “H-he said something about us being ratted out and… he wants me to come get you and take you to my mother’s sewing room.”

“What?” You didn’t understand. “Nat, slow down. Is he talking about—”

“Please,” she begged you. “He wouldn’t have told me to do this if things weren’t really, really bad. We have to go.”

You were shaking your head.

Nat was trying to pull you by the arm. “Why are we going to your mother’s sewing room?”

“Please, just come with me,” Nat begged.

“Okay,” you told her. “Just a minute.”

You wore a sweater with jeans, quickly pulling on a pair of ankle boots. You sprinted for the closet, pulling out the cloth bundle that concealed the handgun Dyson left you. Slapping a loaded clip into the 9 mm, you shoved the other clips and boxes of ammo into a tote bag, carrying it out with you as you went back to Nat.

Her green eyes were wide on the gun in your hand. “How do you have that?”

“Dyson,” you told her. “Let’s go.”

Instead of leading you down the stairs to the rest of the house, Nat led you the other way. You passed her bedroom, the other guestrooms. She stopped in front of what you thought was a linen closet. She opened the door, and the neat shelves of bedding and towels confirmed your suspicions. When she pushed a button on the wall, the shelf and the wall behind it moved, sliding away to reveal a small chamber behind it.

A secret room?

Nat pushed another button and the shelf and wall slid back into place, closing the two of you in a darkened room that was about the size of a child’s bedroom. In her defense, there was a small table with a very old sewing machine on top of it sitting off to the side and a dressmaker’s dummy next to it. There were cobwebs everywhere, like no one had been in the room for years. There was a small oval window, filtering sunlight to brighten the room.

“Oh,” Nat said, kneeling by the sewing machine and pulling a box from under it. There was a small oil lamp and a cigarette lighter. Setting it next to the sewing machine, she lit the lamp to brighten up the room around you.

“So, a sewing room?” you asked, tucking the gun in the waistband of your jeans at your lower back.

Nat nodded. “It really was once. I think our grandmother or great-grandmother actually sewed in here.”

“With a secret door?” You smiled.

“That was put in later,” Nat explained. “By my father. I guess something happened when we were kids that got him thinking. He decided we needed a room that no one else knew about in the house to hide. You know, us and Mom. Sometimes whatever illegal thing he wasn’t supposed to have. He was very proud the feds never found it.”

You nodded. That made sense. But you really needed to know what was going on.

“Okay, now that we’re here,” you spoke quietly, “what did Clint say? What’s going on?”

Taking a seat on the padded bench seat by the sewing machine, Nat took a deep breath. You didn’t like the way her hands shook in her lap.

“He just called me and told me that we’d been ratted out,” she told you. “He said Barnes knew our plans and that put us all in danger.”

Shock and fear had you staring at her. Dyson told you that those plans were dangerous to begin with and now Barnes knew them? You’d all been ratted out?

“Wait, he told you to get to the sewing room?” you asked.

“No, he told me to come get you and for us both to come here.”

Things were serious then. Fuck.

“Did Clint tell you anything that was planned?” you asked. “Anything at all?”

Nat shook her head. “I wouldn’t understand if he did. I’m just so afraid… if something happens to him., I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Try not to worry,” you told her. “Clint’s not going anywhere now that you’re together.”

Her lips quivered like she wanted to smile but was afraid to.

“I hate this,” she said quietly. “I always have. This business they are in. I know it’s how I’ve had a roof over my head and all the nice things I’ve had in life. But it’s so terrifying to know it can all be gone in the blink of an eye. I remember sitting in here with my mother and Steve a couple of times when we were kids. It wasn’t just knowing we were in danger. It was not knowing anything.”

Your parents had been part of that world too. You’d been spared that. Everyone thought you were disfigured, kept off to the side because of it. If you’d ever been in any danger before Steve came into your life, you weren’t aware of it.

Now? You understood it.

“We know some things,” you told her. “Apparently someone ratted us out. I have a pretty good idea of who that is.”

“Who?” she asked.

“It’s Neal,” you told her. “I’m sure of it. I don’t know how or why but it’s him.”

Nat snorted. “For all we know, it’s Bruce.”

“It’s possible,” you told her. “He probably has a hand in it. I mean, we know he has a link to Barnes. Kat and her sister.”

Her green-eyed gaze never left you.

“But, no offense, he’s a lawyer,” you told her. “He might have gone to Barnes when Steve got you out of that house. But what does he really know that would benefit Barnes? He’s not a soldier. Not part of their plans… But Neal?”

Just the thought of the damage the man could do flooded your mind. He would have been part of planning whatever was supposed to happen tonight.

And Neal was flagrantly ambitious and arrogant. The way he conducted himself in your household with everyone but Steve? Especially you. What would have happened with Banner that day if Scott and Yelena hadn’t been there?

Clint was right. Everyone was in danger. Jesus. You had to think.

“Where was Clint when he called you?” you asked.

Nat shook her head. “I don’t know. All I know is that he said he and Scott were ‘running into town’ tonight. And that was when he left this morning.”

You didn’t miss the fear in her tone.

“Did you bring your phone?” you asked her.

Nat pulled her phone and a charger from the pocket of her robe. You smiled when she handed it to you.

You tried texting Dyson first but got no response. Steve? You weren’t going there. He needed to have his head in the game and think you were safely tucked away.

Luca answered when you texted him, thinking you were Nat. If you could get him up there, to trust you, he might have the information you needed.

Luca: What you need, hon?

“What’s something you’d normally ask for, Nat?”

“Tea,” she told you. “But not for a couple of hours yet.”

Can you bring my tea up early, please? My nerves are bad today, you typed.

Luca: Sure. Give me bout 15 minutes.

Fifteen minutes exactly, Luca came up the stairs with the tray. He’d just reached her bedroom door when you approached him from the other direction. Luca’s dark eyes were wide on you.

“Shit,” he muttered.

You motioned for him to follow you. His expression was a study in reluctance, but he followed you back to the linen closet, waiting for you to open the door to the hidden chamber. Nat stood up when the two of you walked back in.

“What’s this?” Luca asked, handing the tray to Nat and focusing on her.

“Nat just did what Clint asked her to,” you told him. “He called Nat and told her to come get me and for us to come here. He said we’ve been ratted out.”

Luca scrubbed a hand over his lower face, concern bleeding into his expression. “Seriously?”

You nodded. “We don’t know where Clint is. Dyson wouldn’t answer me.”

Luca’s gaze on you was a wild mix of uncertainty and dread. You understood the position he was in.

“I’m not sure where Clint is,” Luca told you. “Dyson? Here in a while, he’s supposed to be meeting Neal. Something to do with Hansen.”

Your anxiety was consumed by fear then. “What? Oh, my God. Luca…” You took a deep breath, trying not to let fear get the better of you. “Luca, if Clint’s right and we’ve been betrayed, and I believe him, who do you think the rat is?”

“Just because you don’t like Neal doesn’t make him a rat,” Luca said calmly.

“I wasn’t there for tonight’s planning session,” you said. “But I’m guessing you were. If we’ve been ratted out, it had to be someone in that room. I know it’s not you or Dyson. I know it’s not Clint. Who else was there?”

“Scott and Neal,” he said.

“Do you really think Scott would do that?”

“Fuck,” Luca muttered, his answer telling you he didn’t believe any more than you did.

“Wait, where’s Steve?” you asked in a panic.

“Locked away in his study with the new consigliere.”

Nat set the tray with the tea on the floor at her feet, riveted to the conversation.

“He just got a new lawyer.” You shook your head. “Do you know him? Could he be a problem?”

“Nah, Murdock’s good people,” Luca told you. “Besides that, he’s blind so…”

If Luca didn’t suspect anything there, you’d trust his judgment.

“Where’s Scott?” you asked. Any of Steve’s trusted circle could be in danger right now or worse.

“Scott and Clint are supposed to be heading this way in the next couple of hours,” he said. “To meet with Steve about their part in this.”

“From the way he sounded, I don’t know if Clint will be there,” Nat whispered.

Steve and Luca were safe. You didn’t know where Clint and Scott were. And Dyson?

“We have to find Dyson and Clint,” you told him before turning your attention to Nat. “Clint called you first, to tell you there was trouble. If Steve’s down there meeting with his lawyer, Clint didn’t get in touch with him which means he’s in trouble.”

Nat’s face crumbled and you hugged her, eased her back down onto the padded bench.

You and Luca both tried Dyson and Clint, you on Nat’s phone. That he wasn’t answering Nat had your fear escalating.

When Luca’s phone rang, he answered immediately. “Scott? Hey, where are you?”

You couldn’t make out what Scott was saying. Luca nodded, mouthing “he’s fine.”

“Do you know where Dyson or Barton is?” Luca asked him, shaking his head.

“S’alright. I need you to get over here,” Luca told him. “Now.”

Luca ended the call, looking from Nat to you. “Scott don’t know where anyone is… Listen. You two need to stay right here, okay? I got to get to the boss and let him know we have a situation. We gotta find Dyson and Clint right fucking now.”

Nat buried her face in her hands, crying. You met his gaze squarely, nodding. Luca had trusted the two of you on what you knew. You were grateful.

“Stay in touch with me,” you told him.

“Will do,” Luca said, making his way out of the sewing room.

There was one more call you had to make. You knew Yelena’s number by heart. You didn’t know if she would recognize Nat’s number or if she’d answer, even if she did.

On the fifth tone, someone answered. “Natasha?” Yelena’s accented voice whispered.

“No, it’s me,” you said.

“You’re already out?” There was a pause then. “I’m so sorry about—”

“I am so sorry about what happened,” she said in a rush. “I’m so sorry—”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” you cut her off. “But we’ll talk about that later. Are you safe? Dyson said you were safe and with friends.”

“I’m safe,” she told you. You could hear the smile in her voice. “I promise.”

“Do you have any idea where he is right now?” you asked.

“Dyson? No,” she said. “Why? Is something wrong?”

You heard the same fear you felt in her words. “Yes, and we don’t know where he is. Or Clint.”

“Clint?” Yelena asked. “I talked to him earlier. I gave him some intel on where he could find Banner.”

Oh, shit.

“Can you give me the location?” You needed it. “He might be in trouble.” You told her how he called Nat and what he’d said.

“Where is Neal?” Yelena asked.

“Not sure, but I’m told his part of the plan was to go with Dyson to see Hansen,” you explained.

“Neal is the traitor,” she said gravely.

“I know. And we can’t let him kill Dyson.”

“We won’t,” she assured you. “Does Steve know?”

You had to laugh at that. “He soon will. Luca’s going to talk to him.”

“Let me know the second you get any leads on Dyson,” she told you. “We will go find Clint.”

You didn’t know who we were. But you trusted her.

“Thank you.”

“Stay where you are,” she told you. “With Nat. For now.”

You couldn’t promise her that, but you also didn’t want to mess with her head.

“I will,” you said. “Please be careful.”

***

Yelena ended the call, walking back into the living room of the little cabin where Dyson had stashed her for safety. Dyson’s friends, who needed a place to lay low from some trouble they found themselves in, were scattered across the room.

Clay and Aisha were watching something on the History Channel, drinking beer and eating popcorn. Pooch and Cougar were still playing cards. Only Jensen looked up from his laptop to see her return.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked.

“Dyson maybe in trouble,” she told them.

And that was all she needed to say. Now that she had everyone’s attention, she filled them in on the details. Like her, there wasn’t a lot they wouldn’t do for their mutual friend.

Clay was a strategist and didn’t take him long to come up with a plan of action.

“Three of us are going to the location where we sent Barton,” he said. “Three of us are going to Hansen’s place.”

She didn’t miss the distaste in his voice when he said the name Hansen. She wasn’t the only one the bastard had fucked with over the years.

“Yelena, you take Pooch and Cougar and find Barton,” Clay said. “I’ll—”

“No,” Yelena cut him off. “I’m going to Hansen’s.”

Aisha and Clay exchanged a worried glance. “You sure about this?” Clay asked her.

Yelena nodded. After everything Dyson had done for her, for all of them, she wanted to be there to protect him if she could. If anything happened to him, it would devastate her.

It would devastate her boss. And Yelena had no intention of having to tell Mrs. Rogers that anything happened to Dyson on her watch.

Clay nodded. “Aisha, take Pooch and Cougar and go find Barton. Yelena, you and Jensen are with me.”

PS: Just on my fic posts, I’m adding a tip function. In honor of the kitty we just lost in February, I’m donating everything to our local animal shelter. Tips are not, will never be, and have never been expected. But if you feel so inclined, thank you. 🙏

@valsworldofcreativity @21stcenturywitchcraft @coconutqueen21 @buckybarnesplumwhore @bval-1 @caffiend-queen @candy-and-writing @capsicle-shield @chaoticfiretaconerd @chrisevansgirl @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @coldmuffinbanditshoe @daughterofthenight117 @hv-chw3 @iheartsebastianstanstuff @imanuglywombat @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @justrae9903 @lok1sgrl @lokislastlove @mariaenchanted @marvelouspottering @maxwelllee2020 @nannies-dont-date @nekoannie-chan @nerdwholikesword @notyourtypicalrose @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @peaceinourtime82 @rainbowkisses31 @rayofdawnworld @richonne4life @rissysthoughts-blog @saiyanprincessswanie @scarletsoldier21-blog @shygirl-000 @supernaturaldean677 @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @team-iron-wannabe-man @titty-teetee @tonib666 @villanellevi @vitamingummies @weebid @what-is-your-plan-today @what-is-your-wish @xoxabs88xox @rosalynshields @naturalthrone22 @marvelovernfan @gotnofucks @nekoannie-chan @capicheleo20 @eralen @helenasmirkedno @samwinter09 @kawairinrin @tinystudentfirepurse @bluemusickid @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @geminievans1 @daughterofthenight117 @sunmoonandbucky @dwights-new-plague @akkinda10 @aubageddon91 @sunflowerstony @jennisahoe @kalesrebellion @candy3002 @tardis-23 @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @cynic-spirit @angstsfordays @tamashigirl @akkinda10 @laurenreadsfics @buckysteveloki-me @justlifethingsx @dancer3205 @shtposting101 @iloveshawnieboi @denisemarieangelina @moonlacebeam @btitannaaaaa @pastathighs @pinkzsugar @lunamyangel @siriusjohnpotter @bababasti @priii @retrxbarnes @norababora @savinasavers @holl2712 @4charmed @janelongxox @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sarcasmoverlordxo @iridescentwafflesauce @ajbunky @dontbescaredtosingalong @candy3002 @joossieisdabomb icrytomuch @buckybuckobucky @nonsensicalobsessions @Bebop282 @onceuponahuntersrealm @crashbarbie @valsworldofcreativity @sunflower-writings @siriusjohnpotter @naelovescandy @rootcrop @traceyaudette @dre6ming @ajdjshei @saraaras17 @broadwaybabe18 @pbeckn26 @ughdontbeboring @terry2227 @beyoutiful9413 @winesex @eclipsxntice @missaprilt23 @Tardisin221bst @Sunflowersoldat @sanfransolomitatm @angrykitsune01 @jesgisborne @lilac-monster @samxira @steverogersismycrush @prettywhenicry4 @lalaooopsie @kboogie98 @captainkimmy87 @lowkeysebby @liecastillo @saranghaey @traceyaudette@ ktrivia @@wintasssoldier @andydrysdalerogers @patzammit

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querenciasturniolo · 1 year ago

Text

done ⮕ m.s.

word count: 1k

warnings: angst, swearing, uncomfortable conversation, crying, panic attack

summary: matt has been distant since the triplets moved to LA, and you’re determined to find out why, even if it means the two of you are done

a/n: angst has always been difficult for me to write, but i hope i did it justice 🤞🏻

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

requested: yes (: @floofparker i hope this works!

Things between you and Matt had been rocky for a while.

His texts had been few and far between, and drier than they’ve ever been. You’d talked to Chris and Nick, asking them if everything was alright with Matt. They’d told you that being away from Boston was hard, and the distance could have been fucking with him, but that he hadn’t said anything to them. All of this led you to where you were now; sitting on their couch and waiting for Matt to get home to see him.

Nick and Chris had already gone to their rooms, but Matt had yet to make an appearance.

“He’s taking a drive, he should be back soon.” Nick had told you, a strange feeling swirling in your gut the longer you waited. It wasn’t until the front door opened and you heard him walking up the stairs that your heart started racing.

Every atom in your body was on high alert as you finally saw him. He hadn’t noticed you yet, going about taking his keys off of his belt loop and throwing them on the table. You had missed him so much, but seeing him made the hurt you were feeling more intense.

“Matt.”

His whole body jerked and he finally faced you with his hand on his chest. “Jesus Christ, Y/n?” He said, his eyes wide as his eyes met yours. “What are you doing here?”

You took in a shaky breath and pushed yourself off of the couch. “I wanted to see you—wanted to talk to you.” You said, your voice coming out uneven. Matt nodded, a forced smile on his face as he pulled you into a hug. The hug was uncomfortable to say the least, as if he was only doing it because he was obligated. You pulled away and wrapped your arms around yourself.

“What’s wrong?”

You sighed and shook your head, trying your best to keep it together. “What’s going on, Matty?” You asked, almost wincing at the nickname. You hadn’t called him that since you were kids, but you couldn’t help it. Him practically pretending you didn’t exist since he’d been in LA was hard, it was one of the hardest things you’d ever experienced.

Matt sighed, and you could tell this conversation wasn’t going to go well. “What do you mean?”

You turned and headed back to the couch, patting the cushion next to you without looking up. The couch dipped from where he was sitting, and you sighed and looked up at him. Your eyes were burning and hot, the knot in your throat near excruciating as you tried to keep your tears at bay.

“Do you even want me anymore?”

Matt was silent, his face void of any emotion as he stared down at the table. It felt like a thousand pound weight was laying on your chest, your eyes closing as the tears you’d been fighting finally slipped through and rolled down your cheeks. He didn’t speak, but his silence was enough.

A shaky sigh left your lips, your mouth completely dry as you aggressively wiped at your cheeks and pushed yourself off of the couch. You needed to get away from him, you couldn’t breathe. The moment his hand gripped your arm, you lost it.

“Y/n, wait—“

You turned around, your breathing labored as you pulled your arm away from his grasp.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You asked, your voice sounding so desperate as you tried to level your breathing. Tears were pooling in his eyes as he shrugged his shoulders, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair.

“I-I…I don’t know, I didn’t know how. You were just so far away, I couldn’t stand missing you so I just stopped trying.” He said, his voice rough with emotion. You couldn’t tell if the heaviness in your chest was heartbreak or panic.

Fuck, you couldn’t breathe.

You had backed yourself into the wall to get some distance between the two of you, your whole body shaking as you stared at the floor. You were frozen, your fight or flight going haywire as you avoided looking at him. Your breaths came in and out as short bursts, your throat aching at the force.

“Y/n, baby, breathe.” Matt said, his voice sounding too close and too far away all at once. Suddenly, his arms were wrapped around you, the embrace tight to keep you from shaking so violently. The weight on your chest dissipated little by little, the heartache stubbornly staying as the panic slowly went away.

“What did I do wrong?” You whispered, your voice broken and pathetic as Matt’s grip tightened.

“Nothing, you didn't do anything wrong. I should have just talked to you.” He replied, his voice almost quieter than yours.

“Are we…is this done?”

Matt sighed into your hair, you felt the movement of him shaking his head. “I don’t want it to be, I can fix this.” He said, his shoulders relaxing as you finally wrapped your arms around him. “Fuck, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry.”

The two of you stayed that way for what felt like ages, leveling your breathing and clinging to each other for dear life. You pulled away first, but not completely, using your hands to wipe the stray tears that had fallen down his cheeks.

“Just talk to me, please. I…I need you to talk to me from now on.” You said, Matt nodding as he closed his eyes and rested his head against your hold. You were exhausted, your body and head heavy with all of the emotions you’d just flown through. Matt opened his eyes then, studying your features intently before he spoke. He was good at reading you, he always has been.

“You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.” He said, immediately going to pull away. You shook your head and pulled away completely. You lightly grabbed his hand, a slight shake to yours as you walked towards his bedroom. He followed behind you, a few sniffles from the both of you breaking through the silence.

You dropped onto the mattress and pulled him down, wrapping your arms around him the moment he was comfortable. He pulled the comforter out from under the two of you and pulled it up to your shoulders. You knew the two of you would have to really talk about this in the morning, but you couldn’t stand the idea of sleeping in his bed without his warmth.

The only thing you processed was the soft kiss pressed to the top of your head and the gentle movement of his fingertips dancing along your arm before sleep fully consumed you.

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets

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snuggerudism · 10 months ago

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Can you do a Gabe imagine pls? Can it be a childhood friend's trope pls?

For as long as you could remember, Gabe Perreault had been a constant in your life. You had met in first grade, the curly haired boy coming up to you, with your tiny pigtails, and insisting he sat next to you. What came next was a friendship that had only grown stronger as each year passed.

You went to every hockey game of Gabe’s that you possibly could, and tagging along on each other's family vacations.

You weren’t sure when things shifted, but ever since you had arrived at Boston College for freshman year, something had been different. A good, but also scary different.

Seeing girls flirt with him makes her sick now. A year ago, she would’ve given him a thumbs up and a smile as encouragement, but now she can’t stomach it.

——

It’s a Friday night, and instead of going out to a party, you’re sitting in Conte Forum, watching Gabe’s hockey game, just like every weekend they have a home game. You’re his so-called ‘Good Luck Charm’, deemed when the one game you didn’t go to ended in a loss for Boston College.

Ever since then, you were to be present at every Boston College hockey game, with Gabe’s jersey on, per order of him, Ryan, and Will.

You make your way over to the locker game to see Gabe, like every time. Media is done, and Gabe should be walking out the door any minute now.

“Y/N!” Ryan shouts, running over to you. You spot the familiar brown curls walking behind him, and your stomach flips. “Did you see my goal? It was so sick, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was cool.” You respond halfheartedly, meeting Gabe’s eyes. Ryan shoots you a knowing look, but you swat him.

“Gabe-o!” You shout, throwing your arms around him. His arms go around your waist, steadying the both of you. Butterflies erupt in your stomach. “You looked like a rockstar out there!”

“Thank’s Y/N/N. You brought us good luck, just like I said you would,” His arms are still around your waist, and the butterflies are multiplying rapidly. “The team and girlfriends are going to the bar tonight, you in?” He looks down at you, and you look up at him.

“Sounds fun. I should probably change out of this though, put on something nicer.” You point down at the jersey.

“Oh, you don’t wanna wear my jersey to the bar?” He mocks fake hurt, his million dollar smile spreading across his face.

“I don’t think this exactly screams ‘bar attire’, so I’m gonna have to say no.” You giggle.

“Fair enough. We can swing by your dorm and then head over.”

“Perfect.”

——

The bar is crowded, and Gabe has a tight grip on your hand, in order to not lose you. He’s deep in conversation with Ryan, while you are talking to Ryan’s girlfriend who’s leaning up against him.

You chose not to drink tonight, instead having a diet coke with lime. Someone needs to make sure that everybody finds a safe ride home tonight.

Gabe is not drinking either, figuring you’re gonna need help with rounding up everyone and getting them back.

“Have you told Gabe you liked him?” Ryan’s girlfriend speaks a little too loudly. She’s drunk, and you can’t blame her. Ryan’s eyes widen, and you squirm out of Gabe’s hold.

“Oh, um, look at the time. I should go.” You all but sprint out of the bar, ignoring Gabe’s shouts behind you.

“Y/N, Y/N, wait!” He shouts, but they fall to deaf ears.

“Gabe, go back to the bar. Your teammates need you,” You yell back, not losing your fast pace. But Gabe is faster, and he lifts you off the ground, despite your feet flailing around. “Put me down, now!”

“Sorry, can’t. Not until you stop yelling at me.”

“Please, spare me the embarrassment. You can never speak to me again, just don’t laugh at me.”

“Was she telling the truth? Do you like me?”

It’s a heat of the moment decision, but you decide it’s now or never. Surging forward, your lips meet his, and his hands fall to your waist, pulling you oh so close. It feels like magic; like a years worth of lingering feelings finally coming to a crash in the best way possible.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah, it does.” He goes in for another, hands still on the small of her back to keep them both steady. It feels right, and nothing else could make either of you happier.

#gabe perreault #gabe perreault x reader #boston college hockey #bc hockey #boston college #ryan leonard #will smith #boston college eagles #bc eagles #bc eagles hockey #q writes

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stargirlfics · 2 years ago

Text

B U T T E R F L Y

Joel Miller x Black Latina Reader

Summary: Sometimes the path to healing starts with a reminder of what’s been lost

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, death tw, child death tw, some TLOU spoilers but doesn’t follow canon, post-outbreak!Joel, angst, hurt/comfort, trauma and violence mentions, fluff, slow burn vibe, mutual pining

Word Count: 5.6k

My mind has been stuck on the butterfly imagery connecting Sarah and Joel in the show, and in the game too! I grew up hearing from my abuelita that monarch butterflies are symbols of loved ones who’ve passed and I thought that would fit well here! This fic explores grief and pain but also finding hope through it too 🦋

To be soft-hearted at the world’s violent end, that’s where you’d decided to make a home for your heart with all its fragile beating.

Doomed is what they all said you were, surviving the outbreak this long sooner or later came with a price and they had been right, but still, half out of spite, half out of needing something to hang onto, the tenderness of you remained.

Surviving was a miracle and most could go on just grateful to wake up another day, but you’d seen how void life was lived here in the ruins of a former world, and as doomed as it all appeared, you tried your best to find pockets of light where you could, fighting the urge to shut yourself away.

Because maybe one day those pockets of light would be abundant where they were once scarce, maybe one day, if you kept yourself open to it, there would be a sign of a changing tide to let you know you were finally safe.

How strange signs could be, in plain sight but unseen until your brain could catch up with what your soul was feeling, and rarely did they ever come without complexity.

In your case, that complexity came with a stern scowl that belonged to one Joel Miller.

The first whispers you’d ever heard about Joel were that he was grumpy, stubborn, and not the kind of man to be messed with. He was the muscle behind trades done in shadowed alleys here in the QZ, illegal substances, weapons, extra ration cards, you name it.

He was intimidating to most people, even you; having a reputation for being a man of few words and an even shorter fuse would do that but you knew there to be sorrow there too, etched deep in the lines of his face, reflecting like moonlight in his eyes.

You’d never spoken to him, not in all your time in Boston, always seeming to narrowly avoid crossing paths, but you often saw him from afar. In the town square, catching glimpses of him waiting in line to collect a job’s earnings or in the pit, hauling bodies to the acrid cremation pyres smoldering hot throughout the day.

If you thought about it, that’s where you saw the sorrow most.

That old, faded bandana he wore over his nose to block out the stench of burning gave you the clearest view of his eyes; sad, angry orbs fixated on the task like it was penance for him.

All those hushed whispers told you he wasn’t a good man, that he had hurt people to get what he needed, and that wasn’t a surprise, you’d seen it enough to understand the grim nature of the wasteland you were in, how people often turned against each other if they thought it meant they’d live to see another day.

Maybe that understanding was how it happened that day, the first time you’d meet, something in your soul already well tangled with something in his yet neither of you knew it yet.

You’d been expecting someone else at your door that evening, a friend of yours with a bag of good soil snuck in from the outside in exchange for a radio of yours that was in decent shape.

Instead, you were greeted by Joel Miller, bag in hand, a frown already on his face as he explained the switch up, even pointing to a note on the bag in your friend's handwriting to vouch for him.

His voice had caught you off guard, a low, gruff bass in his careful cadence, Texan accent making the words go down smooth.

“Okay, no problem, she did tell me she wasn’t sure if she would really make use of it. You can step in if you want, I’ll just be a second.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have been so trusting.

That’s how people got robbed, taken advantage of, murdered and you weren’t going to get any sympathy from neighbors or any FEDRA soldiers in the area if something were to happen but despite that, and his reputation, you didn’t feel unsafe.

Quite the opposite.

Joel was certainly the grumpy type and you didn’t doubt he was capable of hurting you if he wanted but as you returned with the radio you found him just where you’d left him, his body filling your doorway in a way that reminded you of a guard dog.

Something had caught his eye in the time it had taken you to walk back, gaze fixed somewhere behind you.

It took you a second to realize what exactly he was staring at, eyes tracking him and following until they landed on the butterfly figurine hanging from the makeshift curtains of your kitchen sink window.

Golden hour light warming the window had bathed the glass winged butterfly in its rays, casting fractals of color across the wall and the worn wooden floors.

You studied his face for a moment then, a familiar kind of sadness reaching his eyes, the darkened circles underneath them a little more noticeable now.

You wondered when the last time he got any proper sleep was.

“I made it…” interrupting his thoughts gently you gestured towards the window when he looked at you in question, “La mariposa...took me ages to fit the glass and wire together right but I think it came out ok.”

He grunted in response, finally handing over the bag of soil when you noticed the slightest tremble in his hands.

Oh…so he’d been caught off guard too.

Something about your butterfly had shaken him up and you were curious, who could blame you for being tempted to cross what you were sure he would say was a line, but you pretended not to notice, trying to offer him some privacy, a second to collect himself.

You’d appreciate it if he did the same for you in his place after all.

The exchange was completed swiftly after, a palpable silence settling between you before he was leaving almost as quickly as he arrived, taking the fading summer sunset with him.

–

Joel barely slept that night, woken by nightmares again, a routine he was familiar with, haunted by the same old ghosts but it was different this time, the barbed wire around his heart digging in just a little extra, memories of her surfacing.

Sarah. His Sarah.

He didn’t realize just how long it had been since he was reminded of her this way, of what it felt like to be her father, shutting himself off to that years ago, unable to think about his life with her before because that pain was nearly unbearable.

There is only after, the after in which she doesn’t exist, where he searches for her in his sleep and wakes knowing he won’t find her.

Because he watched her slip away, had pleaded and begged to the skies to bring her back, had held her in his arms, hands stained red with her blood, and had to accept that she was gone and he was granted no time to say goodbye.

Days turned to weeks, months into years and he had learned to operate on a certain level of numbness, just focused on surviving, never getting too attached, acting cold and angry, just a dead man walking.

Until now, his chest nearly caving in with the truth that he was still breathing even after so long spent closed off.

He wasn’t even sure why he’d considered your friend’s offer to complete the exchange at all, he knew he shouldn’t have, the radio you traded wasn’t in as great a shape as he would have liked, he knew that upfront and still begrudgingly agreed, not expecting to feel so exposed, so upended by a simple encounter.

That butterfly shining in the sunlight of your kitchen made his heart stop the second he saw it, flashes of memory surfacing, almost like his little girl was pulled to the surface of his skin again, like if he stepped inside he could reach out and she’d be there.

A dreadful reality had washed that away after a moment, grief swallowing up the hope just as he knew it would, like it always had, but something was undeniably different this time for Joel. A difference that left an ache in his center.

Because for those few fleeting seconds, he had felt alive again.

–

The second time you met Joel was intentional, another bag of soil in exchange for some instant coffee this time.

It was still early morning when he knocked on your door, quiet, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans and a sleepy kind of softness that you hadn’t seen before around the edges of his eyes which made you wish he didn’t look so inviting then.

It wasn’t so hard to look at him as unapproachable as he made himself seem, he was handsome, the streaks of gray peppered in his hair and along his beard lending to his rugged look.

“About the coffee, it’s not as strong as it could be but it’s the best I’ve got,” you handed over a jar, watching him open the lid and sniff its contents.

“That’ll do just fine.”

Relief arrived at his approval, you gathered it’d been a while since he had any and you were glad your stash wasn’t a disappointment.

You watched as he knelt down to set his backpack on the floor, stowing the jar inside and handing you the bag of fertilizer mix you had inquired about.

It wasn’t long now before he’d be out the door again, these things were best kept short and simple but as you thanked him for the exchange and moved to store the bag with your other garden supplies, you noticed a moment of reluctance.

Joel didn’t plan on lingering around now that you both had what you came for but then he was reminded of what he felt the last time he’d been in your space and his mouth was moving with the thoughts that were swimming in his head before he could bite back the words.

“That’s a good amount of soil you have, got some sorta secret garden FEDRA don’t know about?”

Suddenly you felt very silly for wanting to smile at his curiosity but also recognized the significance of him asking.

“Something like that, yeah. I…actually found a spot of flowers growing through one of the QZ fences and I’ve been tending to it. It's no garden but the flowers are in bloom now, first time I’ve seen real butterflies in years.”

You watched him perk up at the mention of real butterflies, furrowed brows hiding the flicker of emotion mere seconds later but it was too late, you’d seen it already.

Up until now, your little patch of greenery had been a private endeavor.

Something for you to put some love and effort in, and just a quiet, secluded place to be, to clear your head or be alone for a while, away from some of the chaos in the streets, and yet here you were, now, carefully asking him if he’d like to see it too.

You thought just maybe, bringing him there would do him as much good as it had done you.

And it’s there, in that moment when he says yes that you see all that hard exterior start to slip just an inch.

It’s an inch you can work with.

–

Early morning dew still clings to the soft blades of grass sprouting up near the fence line, the section where you’d been taking care of the vegetation noticeably more vibrant with color and growth.

Slowly, you’d been replacing the dirt, had saved as many roots and sprouts as possible, taking care in replanting them, and from there, a shabby little makeshift garden bed had formed.

This would be your third week caring for it and now Joel was trailing behind your steps to see it too.

His body language was tense like he couldn’t quite be sure you weren’t actually taking him to some secluded corner to ambush him, but you get it.

Being wary was smart, but you couldn’t lie that it was satisfying to let him take it in without explaining anything first, the tension in his shoulders easing, sagging when his eyes fell upon the dusky blue flowers and rich green leaves and vines growing up from the ground, searching for the sun’s nourishment.

Joel couldn’t be certain whether it was the day’s first tendrils of summer heat making him feel warm or the fluttering orange and speckled black wings of a butterfly nestled atop a marigold.

He glances at his wrist, at the memento that never leaves his side, a broken watch, and there’s a moment of clarity in the silence where Joel can feel it, all the shattered parts of him spilling out, and there isn’t any way he can catch it all, he’s already too late and he knows it.

Panic works its way into his bloodstream, causing his hands to shake, not used to being so disarmed, so flayed open.

His fingers curl into a fist, trying to steady himself, needing a moment to catch his breath, to process.

And there you were, your gentle voice cutting through the noise in his head and that tidal wave of emotion.

“They’re monarch butterflies, which means they’re special,” you’ve moved a little closer now, watching another one land next to its friend on the flower.

“What makes' em’ so special?” Joel takes a deep breath and you do too.

You thought for a second he might shut down and walk away, there wasn’t anything keeping him here after all, he had the coffee he came for and yet still took you up on your offer. That in itself was difficult not to attach yourself to immediately but there was no denying it felt good to know you’d earned maybe an ounce of his trust.

“In Mexico, my abuela used to say they were a sign of the dead coming to visit the living, loved ones, our ancestors, the monarchs carry their souls to us. I think they’re good luck too.”

The smile working its way onto your lips is fond, sad, one you knew he’d recognize, the silent but shared knowledge of loss was a heavy burden to carry. There was no mistake about it, but being here, amongst your flowers and your butterflies made it easier.

Orange and gold halos shimmered around the plant life softly swaying with the wind, your own features now warmed with the climbing sun, brown skin shining deeper under the light.

Joel was looking at you now, following your words. The meaning of what you were both looking upon hitting him square in the chest when that feeling blooms behind his eyes again, that itch of something alive, something beautiful growing again amongst concrete ruins.

And it's there, standing next to you, watching you water the soil while butterflies float around you that he works out what that feeling must be.

Salvation.

–

After that morning, trading goods with Joel became a regular occurrence.

Soil for another stash of coffee or a packet of seeds for a hunting knife in need of experienced hands, neither of you quite sure how it happened but eventually the trades became more like friendly favors to each other than practical transactions.

Your ‘garden’ also became a frequent place for you both to go, so much so that on any given day you could bet he was there, a quick stop on his way back home, or in the morning before the day started, it became an unspoken shared refuge.

Joel helped you fix up the makeshift garden beds when it became clear your tender care of the plants called for an upgrade and you were grateful for it, dismissive at first, not wanting him to feel obligated.

You could handle yourself around a hammer and a few nails but he insisted and you relented, the two of you knelt under the setting sun, working on the task together.

It didn’t matter that it was closing in on curfew time, or that you didn’t really have anything to compensate him for his time because, the moment itself, the small inklings of trust building between you were actually far better.

That’s when you started to see him nearly every day, sitting against bomb-scarred concrete, always facing those marigolds, the ones the monarch butterflies you’d told him about always flocked to.

At first you kept your distance, knowing better than to pry.

It was clear he’d been through a lot, most his age-if you were guessing correctly-had, old enough to have lived a good portion of their lives before the outbreak, the last witnesses of an old world. You wanted to respect that and as long as he was finding some sort of peace here, you were content.

You didn’t mind his company either, he wasn’t much of a talker, but his presence was comforting and familiar and you felt safe with him near.

Eventually though, keeping him at a distance became impossible, both of you stumbling through the uncertainty of what to say to each other yet not giving up on trying at the same time.

And Joel had resisted too, had tried to keep his words short, always residing somewhere in between neutral and aloof but the more he watched you in your element, amongst the seedling sprouts and vines and moss, the more it made him want to talk.

It was easy to find his voice around you.

You were soft-hearted, he could see that and it wasn’t easy to get used to the way you looked at him, like you cared, like you understood something about his brokenness right away, had let him sit here day after day watching the butterflies because somehow you knew it’s what he needed, but he didn’t mind the learning curve either.

His usual annoyance and reluctance to speak about feelings couldn’t keep up this time surrounded by reminders of Sarah, coaxing the small part of him that hadn’t died with her out of its state of numbness, softening him again.

‘You were never gonna do it for yourself’ rings in his ears.

He’d never been much good at that, doing things for himself, and Sarah was always so clever about calling it out, even now, nudging him awake again after all these years.

It’s why he decides to tell you when you ask one day, sitting next to him on sun-warmed stone.

He merely came by to sit for a little while and clear his head and found you already sat in his usual spot, butterfly watching, your eyes telling your secret, that you had been crying before he arrived, his first instinct carrying him forward, to your side.

He offered you some water, even sliced an apple in half to share with you, pleased with himself when he got a smile out of the gesture but remained as quiet as you were, wanting you to feel like you could just be.

“Who do they remind you of?” your voice was small, unsure of how he’d react to the question, overexplaining in hopes it would make him recoil less, “It’s okay if you can’t talk about it, I understand. It’s just that…what I told you about the monarch butterflies, I really do believe in it you know, the people I’ve lost…they feel so close to the surface, like they’re watching over me and I think you feel the same.”

Joel nods after a moment and you’re exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

It takes him a moment but he finds the words.

“My daughter…her name was Sarah. They were her favorite, actually, since she was bout old enough to talk. I used to call her my little butterfly when she was a baby which, yeah, got real old when she started middle school but I liked to remind her anyways, just to see her roll her eyes at me. Just as long as she knew I loved her, you know, that I never stopped, not since the moment I held her in my hands for the first time.”

It broke your heart to hear.

And it hurt him too, to speak about her and then remember that he had lost her, that twenty years had passed and he couldn’t remember what she smelled like anymore, and he hated the nightmares but without them, he was afraid of forgetting her face, her eyes, the coils of her hair, the sound of her voice calling out to him.

It was only now that he was seeing how deep he’d pushed it all down, bottled up tight out of fear, and then somehow you’d entered his life, Molotov aimed straight at his heart, stunning him into remembering her the way she deserved to be.

“I’m so sorry,” you extend all the comfort you can, knowing there weren’t any words that would ever make it right but you wanted to try anyway.

“Yeah, me too. But you’re right, she feels close, and I know you’ve put it together by now but it’s why I’ve been sittin here every day, I see those butterflies and I see her, I remember her and it feels...good. I didn’t want it to; don’t really trust things that feel good but it does and I wanna thank you for that, for letting me have that.”

He worries he’s said too much, or said the wrong thing, wanting to kick himself because he was never much good at words either but the sight of your lips pulling up into a small smile came as a relief.

“She’s with you, Joel. And there’s no need to thank me, it’s been good for me too, doing all this. I think it helps.”

He nods again, agreeing before asking you the same question, extending an opportunity to open up too; a big step when keeping personal histories to a minimum was the lay of the land around here.

And it wasn’t easy, to talk about the things that hurt, baring your grief to Joel, and trusting him with it but you did and he had held it so gently, understanding it for what it was.

Looking back you think maybe it’s there that things started to change, where your life and his started to merge.

Sometime after that conversation you gifted him one of those glass winged butterflies like the one in your window, showing it to him one evening in the garden, earning you the first real smile you’d ever seen from him.

It was after he told you more about himself, about Sarah, his brother Tommy, recounting happy memories; like the time he and Tommy surprised Sarah with her own soccer ball for her birthday one year, how he’d caved almost immediately the time she begged him to get her a polaroid camera, and you shared too, thinking on good times you’d had with the people in your life.

It meant a lot to Joel that you spent time crafting the ornament, knowing just how deep the symbolism of it went for him.

You were always doing that, looking out for him, planting tiny seed after tiny seed, slowly working your magic on him, ensnaring him deep, making him want to look out for you too.

Under the fading sun again you sat with him, watching the marigolds, the calm, slow fluttering of wings, and it’s in that same spot that you find your hand in his for the first time.

No words needed to be said, this was far better.

A little while later you saw your gift hanging from the window in his living room, right next to the radio you had first traded him for.

The two of you had found yourselves escaping the heat here after some time tending the garden together, pulling weeds, clearing new soil of rocks and rubble, now sharing his couch, a rusty old fan that still somehow worked cooling the sweat prickling the back of your neck.

Curfew hour was nearing and you knew you would have to start making your way back home but Joel warned that he’d heard from a FEDRA officer he did trades with that they were patrolling the streets early the next few nights.

You knew why, it was hard to forget the hail of gunfire last night, a group of Fireflies going after a group of officers on patrol, a fight that neither one had won.

Tensions in the QZ had been high all day since then and Joel suggested that you stay here with him for the night, saying he didn’t want you dealing with anything that might be going on out there.

He was being protective, a disapproving frown on that handsome face of his when you told him you didn’t want to intrude on his space but he was right, things had already started looking a little dangerous on your way back from the garden and you appreciated that he was trying to keep you safe.

So you stayed.

Curled up on Joel’s old, worn couch with a blanket that smelled like him tucked around you, the white noise of the fan still blowing and the knowledge that he wasn’t far, just in the next room over, carried you off to sleep.

–

One night had turned into two and then three and somewhere in the last couple months of summer that were left, you spent most of your days and nights with Joel.

No label had been applied to whatever your situation was with him, you knew better than to ask, this all needed time, and you were okay with that, just content on holding onto this good thing with him.

Because you liked being around, like sharing a space with him and sitting in the garden together, opening up to each other more and more every day.

It was nice watching Joel come out of that hardened shell of his, watching him find it easier to talk about things, noticing him trying to live life more, not as reluctant to connect.

Things were good, not to say that there hadn’t been bad days amongst all the progress made, there were plenty of them in fact.

Days where old patterns became default again, stretches of nights where the nightmares returned, both of you trying to wade through it.

When the aching of old wounds came knocking and the walls came back up again.

You hated to fight with Joel when that happened, and you hated not being on the same page but he was so stubborn it wasn’t always easy to bite back your frustration.

He had told you about his past, about the people he hurt in those early days and it’s something he wrestled with, believing in the goodness you saw inside him when all he could see were the bad things.

It frustrated you sometimes, how he preferred to shut himself off, to you, to Sarah’s memory because he felt like his hands were too dirty, too blood-stained to even try.

“Que, no entendes?! Please, Joel! Stop trying to be something you aren’t. You think you aren’t a good man but bad people don’t get upset about being bad. Do you think you can just turn it off, the part of you that was always a good man, a good father? Well sorry, but you can’t, that’s who you are to your core, I saw it the first moment I met you and every time since then.”

“I’ve killed people,” his tone was mean, and venomous, another attempt at pushing you away. “Goddamnit, it’s not as simple as-”

“I get that! Look I know that you’ve done bad things but you’ve also spent every waking moment punishing yourself for it, do you realize that? All these years you’ve been paying your penance any way you can and I’m trying to tell you it’s okay live well, that you don’t have to torture yourself anymore because we have to try and make something out of all this pain.”

It wasn’t easy to get him to see what you saw but you didn’t back down, even when it would have been easy to, Joel knew it too, guilt washing over him as you looked at him then, tears brimming in your eyes.

“You’ve endured enough.”

It’s those final three words from you that makes him ease up, a reminder you nudged him with often, that he could rest already, could make amends by making a choice to find the light.

He lets you take some space from him, coming to find you before bed because he doesn’t want to fall asleep without fixing things.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair, talkin to you like that. You’re just tryna help my sorry ass and I haven’t thanked you enough. I’m gonna get better at that.”

It’s the first time you ever hug him, noticing the tremble in his hands as he says the words, feeling the sincerity in his voice, unable to stop yourself from all but barreling into his arms.

He’s still for only a moment before his arms wrap around you in return, the two of you bathed in moonlight, that butterfly still hanging in his window, pushing you towards each other again just like it had when you first met.

–

Eventually, the day comes when the monarchs leave, the approaching fall and winter seasons carrying them to warmer places, a solemn change in what had been yours and Joel’s routine.

The absence of the butterflies that had provided so much hope the last few months was felt, but the world was also a lot more open and wide now too.

You no longer slept on Joel’s couch, you slept pressed against him now, and woke with your limbs tangled with his, a quiet partnership forming.

It scares both of you, knowing that you had grown to care for each other so quickly, knowing that was dangerous and reckless but also feeling stronger because you were a team.

You think that’s why you make the decision together, one rainy fall evening when Joel comes home with a message from Tommy.

They had gone through a rough patch recently, being apart from each other for some time and still not seeing eye to eye on Tommy’s choices but slowly, they’d started talking again and there was news that Tommy and the group he was with had gotten a hydroelectric plant that had once belonged to FEDRA up and running.

There was electricity and a place to stay if you and Joel were interested, plus Tommy wanted you to meet Maria, said she did him a whole world of good and this was some of that good in action.

It hadn’t been a hard choice to make even knowing how difficult the journey would be.

This was the chance you’d both been waiting for, and had talked about, a far off dream of running away from all the violence that was inescapable here in Boston, searching for something better out there, and now it was within reach.

So you’d left your garden in the care of a friend you knew would understand its importance, and you bide your time with Joel, making deals, doing jobs, collecting and saving up supplies, and helping him map the way to Jackson.

And then the day came when you left the QZ behind for good, watching the city fade away in the rearview mirror.

Making it to Tommy hadn’t been easy, there had been one too many close calls for comfort but the trust you and Joel had in each other didn’t waver, and here you were, finally on the other side.

Settling in hadn’t been the easiest, especially for Joel, his guard still up but little by little, you both sank into a new way of life.

You quickly learned how to ride a horse and hunt in the woods surrounding the power plant, even making friends with some of the families in the community.

Joel had taken to things a little slower, but even he couldn’t hide for long, helping some of the men in the group with repairs on things that needed fixing, even cautiously attempting to make friends with you.

Small pockets of peace started to open up the longer you stayed and the threat of raiders loomed over that peace at times, keeping everyone on alert for attacks but you all had Joel and Tommy now, always amongst the first to be out there protecting, defending fiercely.

You knew they wouldn’t let anything happen to you here.

As spring arrived again you found a nice spot for a garden, pointing out sprouting flower buds to Joel one day, almost missing the fond smile forming on his lips, both of you knowing what this meant.

You were happy here, and happy being with Joel, the two of you building a new garden together this time, until finally, as the chill spring breeze transitioned into summer heat and sunshine you were sat next to him like you had been what seemed like ages ago, watching the butterflies circle the flowers in bloom in what had become Sarah’s Garden.

Joel made you a promise; to keep going for family, the family you, him, and Tommy were now. And you promised the same, not scared of how much you cared for the man by your side anymore.

It wasn’t perfect, the world was still rotten and the broken parts of you all were still raw, still healing, but this time her light was guiding the way through it and that made it all worth it.

---

A/N: When I saw that butterfly hanging in the window of his place in Boston I just couldn’t resist writing something about how he got it and here we are! This world is so dark and tragic and while this fic doesn’t change those facts, I hope it plants some gentle, hopeful little seeds of healing, because Joel deserves that and so do you as the reader! thank you for reading this, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it! 💌

some tags no pressure! @inklore @allaboardthereadingrailroad @yelenas-lova @ozarkthedog @amethystwonders11 @blkmorticia @moreofem @eupheme @obiknights @tarrenterror25 @superhoeva @buckyhoney @plumbits

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