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#NO ONE CAN TELL ME TO STOP I'LL HAVE EVERYTHING I WANT
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Don’t Mess with My Girl
Fandom: Marvel (Mob Boss AU)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader
Summary: You come home from work and you make the mistake of telling Bucky that a guy has been harassing you at work.
Warning: harassment from a male coworker
A/N: the snippets of Bucky in the Thunderbolts trailer have ignited my love for him again omfg.
Bucky Barnes Masterlist
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Bucky's already home when you arrive from work. You let out an exhausted sigh as you place your things on the kitchen island and kiss Bucky's cheek, "Hi, lovey."
He hums and looks at your slumped figure, "What's wrong?" he asks with furrowed brows, concern written all over his face.
"Just a rough day at work," you reply, opening up the dishwasher to grab a cup and snort as you see Bucky's metal prosthetic resting inside.
You turn back to him, "Explain," you say pointing at his arm.
He gives a sheepish grin and shrugs, "Today was a bit messy, is all." You chuckle and roll your eyes. You grab a cup from the top rack of the dishwasher and grab Bucky's arm, laying it on the counter.
"What happened today?" you ask as you fill your cup with water from the fridge.
Bucky shakes his head, "Nope. I asked you a question first," he walks over to you and cups your face with his right hand, "What's made my girl all upset?"
You groan, "A new hire, Noah. He's very...persistent."
"Persistent how?"
You shrug, "He just keeps asking me out, getting a little too close-"
"Fire him," Bucky immediately says.
You groan, "But he's a good employee!"
"Doesn't matter if he keeps harassing you."
"I wouldn't say he's harassing me..."
Bucky cocks a brow and places his hand on his hip in a very intimidating manner, "Does he get aggressive when you reject him?"
"...yes."
"Is he constantly berating you and not taking no for an answer?"
"...yeah."
"Does he scare you?"
"A little bit."
"Baby, that's harassment," he says as he walks over to his metal arm, placing it onto the notch and locking it in. He looks down and flexes his arm, "I can take care of him for you, easily. The fellas and I can grab him and-"
You immediately wave your hands and shake your head, "No, no, no. No! Don't hurt him! I'll-I'll handle it. I'll talk to Joan and let her know what's been going on."
"Good and if that doesn't stop him then, I'll pay him a visit," you give him a playful shove and he chuckles, "What? No one messes with my girl and gets away with it!"
____________________________
As soon as you got into the bookshop the next day, you immediately tell Joan of Noah's behavior. When he comes in, Joan pulled him aside to talk to him. You thought that everything would be good after that...but you were wrong.
When you were in the back, putting books away, Noah corners you, "Did you really have to tell Joan our business?"
You can't help but scoff at his audacity, "Well you wouldn't stop asking me out after I said no and reminding you that I have a boyfriend."
It's Noah's turn to scoff, "Oh yeah, your boyfriend," he says with air quotes, "You say you have one but you don't have him as your lockscreen and you haven't showed any pictures of him."
"He's a private person, but that's not the point! I told you 'no'! You should've stopped after that."
Noah rolls his eyes, "Oh just because someone says 'no', doesn't mean they mean it! Means they want you to try harder."
"Actually, it just means 'no' and you fuck off," a deep voice cuts in-between the confrontation between you and Noah.
Both of you turn to see Bucky standing there with a hard glare on his face.
You gulp, "Bucky, what're you doing here?"
He holds up your lunch bag, "You forgot your lunch at home," he holds it out and you rush over to him, grabbing the bag and remaining at his side.
Noah looks at Bucky with wide eyes and then at you. His face loses color as he realizes, "W-Wait, you-you're dating the White Wolf of Brooklyn?"
Bucky smirks at his nickname, "Yeah, she is. And my girl told me you wouldn't leave her alone. Sounds like even with your job on the line, you still don't seem to get the hint." He slips off his blazer, handing it off to Steve. He then starts rolling up the sleeve of his metal arm, the dim lighting of the book shop reflecting off its metal plates.
"I can definitely figure out a way to get the message through to you."
Noah stutters out a response, "N-No. Th-That's not necessary, s-sir. I-I won't bother, Y/N again, I promise."
Bucky hums, "If I see or hear you harassing my girl or anyone else, I'll make sure your body will never be found again. Scum like you don't deserve second chances, but I'm feeling a little gracious today."
Noah nods, "Thank you. I-I won't behave like that ever again."
"Good. Now apologize to Y/N," he nods to you.
Noah gulps and stutters out an apology. You simply reply with a nod and Noah scurries away.
You let out a deep breath that you didn't know you were holding. You look at Bucky, "Thanks."
He shrugs, "Anyone gives you a problem, they have to go through me," he mumbles pecking your lips.
"Y/N, do you know why Noah suddenly qui-ah," Joan turns the corner to see you and Bucky. The older woman puts her hands on her hips and gives Bucky a scolding look, "Barnes, what did you do?"
Bucky shrugs, "Just gave him a warning, ma'am. He shouldn't have been treatin' my girl like that!"
"Very true, but you know I don't condone violence in my shop."
He holds his hands up, "No violence happened, ma'am. Just a little threatenin'." Joan looks to you for confirmation and you nod.
She sighs, "Very well. Guess I need to look for another employee again."
An idea came to mind, "Actually, I know someone!"
______________
"Seriously, Y/N, I owe you one for this!" the young brunette exclaims as he follows you with a box of books in his arms.
You chuckle, "It's no problem, Peter. Besides, we both get something out of this. You're doing a much safer job like your Aunt May and Tony wanted and you get to keep an eye on me for Bucky. It's a win-win situation."
The bell above the shop's door rings and Peter immediately places the box of books down, "I got it!" he rushes to the front, "Hi, welcome to-oh! Y/N!" Peter's voice echoes through the store.
You shelf a book and head to the front, "Yeah?" you break out into a smile as you see Bucky there.
"Hey!" you approach him, giving a little wave to Steve, who stands behind him. Steve waves back, but says nothing else. You wrap your arms around Bucky and peck his lips, "What's up?"
"Had a meeting at Wanda's shop, brought some pastries for you, Joan, and the kid," he hands over the maroon pastry box with Wanda's logo on it.
"Yay! Here, Peter," you hand it off to the young man and he jaw drops, "Oh, sweet! Thanks, Mr. Barnes!" and he heads into the back to share the pastries with Joan.
Bucky places his hands on your waist, "How's he doin'?"
You chuckle, "Fine. He's very enthusiastic and a hard worker. Plus, he doesn't hit on me because he's in love with MJ."
Bucky's brows shoot up in surprise, "Jones' kid? Pft. Good luck, Parker."
You giggle and then back away, "Alright, big mob boss, I need to get back to work."
"Fine. But seriously though, you feel better? Safer?"
You nod, "I do. Thank you," you kiss his cheek and he softens, "Like I said, no one messes with my girl," he gives you a wink and wave as he exits the book shop.
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puppyplayhouse · 3 days
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Step brother Hyunjin things
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Warnings: puppy reader, degradation, blackmail, choking at some point, dub con, kissing.
Lil headcanon of mean step bro Hyunjin (who maybe is possessive) being a dick (it's so delicious tho)
Has known you since you were both little because your parents were family friends before their respective divorces, so he knows every button to push.
Constantly using Dad against you. It's a core part of his blackmail, really. Every time you're a little less than compliant, he pulls up one of the thousands of pictures he's taken of you during your times together and asks what you think Dad would have to say about it.
Calls you puppy when people are around just to get you flustered. He's amazing at playing it off so that nobody questions it because well, he's just a good brother and you've always been SO close.
Any time he sees you alone on the couch, he's tugging his pants down and tapping his cock against your cheek. Of course, you protest. You tell him that you don't know when your parents are getting back. He doesn't care, though. He tells you that you should shut up and get to work if you don't want them to find out.
He's not always mean, though. You'd even say he's somewhat nice when you've had a really hard day and you come to him reluctantly, kneeling in front of him because you just can't be in control right now, and he's the only person who can take that from you.
He rewards you so well for that. For any willing submission you offer him, he returns it by making you cum over and over again on his fingers before he fucks you nice and slow, rolling his hips lazily into yours to drag out the low, whimpered moans that you let slip. He's only gentle with you when you earn it.
He loves to make you cum. He loves it even more when your pretty mouth is objecting to it and telling him he shouldn't be doing it, but your hips are bucking against him and your nails are digging into his arm in a pathetic attempt to ground yourself.
And he takes pictures every time. Sometimes, he'll force you to pose and use his fancy camera. Those are the more tasteful shots of you in pretty lingerie with wide doe eyes. Other times he's using his phone to capture the tears that spill down your cheeks as you gag around the length of his cock. He loves both equally.
He always has to degrade you. He'll pin you down completely still the movement of his hips as he makes you beg, always something along the lines of "C'mon, puppy. You were all talk before begging me to stop and now you're panting like a bitch in heat. Tell me you want it. That's it, more. I know you can do better than that. Tell me you're my worthless slut."
He knows you like it because your pussy is always dripping and practically pulses around him.
He would never admit it, but after a while you become the only person he fucks. Sure, he could have his pick, but he knows nobody else would look as cute as you do when you're staring up at him wide, panicked eyes, and tear stained cheeks.
He fucking loves seeing you cry. He loves watching you bite your pillow when he finds you laid on your bed and forces your pants down without a word, easily sliding his cock inside of you because you're always soaked at this point.
At some point he starts making you tell him that you love him. He has a firm grip of your throat and you're overstimulated to the point of becoming delirious as he uses one of your toys on you, thrusting it in an out of your aching cunt. "Tell me, and I'll stop, yeah? All you have to do is tell me how much you love me."
And you do. You say it like a prayer. You say it over and over again even after he's stopped, and he's got your cheeks cradled in his hands, cooing at you because you took everything he gave you without a complaint this time.
He was recording it, of course.
Recording you is his second favourite form of torture. He has so many videos of you sat pretty between his legs, your hands in fist infront of you like little paws as your tongue sticks out of your mouth, drool dripping down onto his lap to create a messy wet patch on the fabric of his pants. Those are his favourite to get himself off to.
Sweet brother Hyunjin is always nice enough to let you know when he's getting himself off to you. Which is every time. He sends you videos and pictures of his gorgeous cock fucking up into his hand and it's the only time he seems out of control, desperate for it to be you that he was burying his cock into instead.
Very rarely does he lay back and let you do the work. He likes taking charge and making a mess of you, but very rarely when you're being a good dog and sitting patiently, waiting almost excitedly for his next round of abuse, he lets you do the work. He'll pat his lap and wait for you to climb on top of him, watching in amusement as you fumble with his zipper and shove his pants down, messily grinding yourself against his bulge until he quietly tells you that if you don't move on, he'll leave.
You always perk up at that, taking it less as a threat and more as permission to sink yourself down on his cock. This is when he praises you.
He tells you how pretty you look and that you take his cock so fucking well, looking up at you with something akin to adoration sparkling in his eyes. He might even kiss you. His kisses are the ultimately reward, always slow and sensual. You become ravenous when he kisses you.
Maybe he'll even tell you he loves you. That you're his favourite puppy. He knows he loves you, and he has accepted that. But maybe he'll let you know when your grinding down onto his cock like the well trained mutt he has made you into.
He doesn't make it too sweet though. More like, "that's it. Take my cock, baby. Fuck, I love you. My desperate little slut. All fucking mine, yeah?"
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honeyhoneypp · 2 days
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Think Only About Me
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Things One Piece men would say during sex
You felt so good, they loved your face filled with pleasure and loved your naked curves, everything was so perfect. They couldn't stop themselves from letting you know how good they felt.
NSFW!!!
Female pronouns! degradation + praise kink
==================================
L U F F Y
He’s always loud, he doesn’t care if someone hears him or not, he is not even thinking about that right now, all he’s thinking about is how good you're making him feel.
He would be honest with his words, he always asks you how you're doing because he wants you to feel good, but sometimes he could be rude with his words, you just have to tell him so he could do better next time.
==================================
“Shit… It feels so good, keep going, don't stop.”
“Want me to make it bigger, pretty girl?”
“A-Agh, ____… Are you sure you want me to make it bigger?”
“You’re… Ah- So damn wet”
“Please… Do that again… It’s called squirt, right? Please squirt again for me”
“Your ass looks so delicious from here”
“Yeah… Just like that, this feels okay with ya’?”
“Don’t cry, you said you could take it. Don't be a crybaby now”
“What is this bump on your tummy?”
“Oh, this is my cock? Shishi that’s so funny”
“Keep saying my name like that… I don't know why it feels so good when you say my name”
“____… I-I’m so close to cumming, wanna cum inside of you”
“It feels so tight”
“Oh, fuck. Huh? They're going to hear us? So what?”
“Y-You’re making me feel so good... I feel like I'll cum already”
“You look so beautiful... Makes me wanna cum…”
“I-I don’t know why you’re making me feel this way”
“Aw. Cmon pretty girl, don't put your hands on your mouth, wanna hear you, it makes me feel good and it's funny when you sound like that”
Nicknames he would call you
Pretty girl (I don’t see Luffy calling you something else other than your name or pretty girl)
Z O R O
He isn't that loud, he only whispers since he doesn't want any of his crewmates to know that he’s making love to you, that would be embarrassing for him, I mean he should be focused on other things, not on this!
Of course, he loves the noises you make, but sometimes you're too loud. He is kind of more on the sadistic side meaning he can be rude a lot of times with his words…
==================================
“Fuck… this tight ass pussy is killing me”
“Shhh, they'll hear you”
“Shut the hell up!”
“I told you to be quiet… you don’t want me to be mean with you, right?”
“How can you be so wet already?”
“You look so nasty, I like it”
“I’ll make you feel so good”
“You don't tell me what to fucking do”
“Are you that starved for my cock?”
“You need to shut your damn mouth or they’ll hear us!”
“You like it when I talk to you this way? You’re such a damn freak”
“Fuck… fuck… fuck… my beautiful woman…”
“Look at you, doll. You look so beautiful and cock hungry”
“Cmon, you can take my whole cock, right?”
“Yes… you can, take everything like a good girl”
“Mhmm… you’re such a slut… such a slut for my cock”
“You want me to pull your hair? You damn pervert”
Nicknames he would call you
Slut
Good girl
Woman
Babydoll
Pervert
Doll
S A N J I
He is another one that doesn’t care if his crewmates hear him. In fact, he wants his crewmates to hear how good you’re making him feel or how good he’s making you feel because he’s a freak and a whore.
He loves it when you treat him like a dog, he loves to beg you so you can make him feel good, but he can also be on the dominant side if you ask him to. He's so sweet with his words, he’s always telling you how beautiful you look
==================================
“____, p-please don't stop… I'm so close”
“My love, your boobs look so beautiful”
“Y-Yes, ____, I’ll do anything”
“Just please let me cum”
“You want me to go faster?”
“Fuck, sweetheart, you feel so tight it's killing me”
“How does that feel? D-Does this feel okay with you? You like that, sweetheart?”
“A-Ah, shit… You are taking me so well, my love, good job, sweetheart”
“Please keep saying my name… I-I feel like I'm about to cum”
“Don’t hold yourself back, sweetie… Please cum on my cock… please give it to me”
“You look so beautiful when you’re bouncing on my cock”
“Y-You want to take my whole cock? Are you sure?”
“Fuck- good job, my love. You’re making me feel so good”
“____, please do whatever you want to me… yes! Just like that!”
“Want me to go faster, pretty girl?”
“L-Let me eat your pussy, please, I beg you”
“My love, don’t hold yourself back… I want to hear your beautiful moans”
“Doesn’t matter if they can hear us.”
Nicknames he would call you
Pretty girl
Sweetie
Sweetheart
My love
Princess
Angel
==================================
Please let me know if I made spelling mistakes, some things don’t make sense or got their personality wrong!
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binniesbooks · 1 day
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• OFFICE WORKS
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TXT 019 .F05 2024
wc 0.5k
pairings workmate!TXT x officeworker!reader
warnings smut
faye's note hard thoughts for our boys, while you guys are waiting for my upcoming fics! Hehe. Sorry for being super busyyy :<
CHOI YEONJUN
- His aura screams team leader-- who fucks every girl from your department. Totally the manwhore type of guy. He would force you to do overtime, only to have you bended on your desk, balls deep inside you.
"I know and I can see you how you look at me, baby."
"The rumors? Hmm, what do you think?"
"Fuck, I really love untouched women like you."
"Shit, you're so tight."
"Haven't felt such a good pussy for a long time."
"Damn, your pussy feels better than (insert co-workers name)."
"Should've done this a lot earlier, shit you're so fucking good!"
CHOI SOOBIN
- The pervert desk mate. Yes. He loves peeking when your skirt hikes up a little. Gets hard whenever he sees you walking towards your desk. Often fantasizes about groping your ass and fucking your breast. Carefully and silently palms himself whenever you're too immersed on your work. Would masturbate imagining you after arriving home, still on his office attire. Offers you a "water" to sober up one time after volunteering to take you home after a team dinner. A total pussy drunk once he got his dick wet.
"Ah, fuck, I really wanted to feel you."
"Please, one chance Y/n."
"Fuck, you're so hot."
"My hand perfectly fits on your breast, I think they're made for me."
"Can i fuck your tits, pretty please?"
"You're so good, pussy so good."
"Please let me cum inside you."
"I'll take full responsibility, please."
CHOI BEOMGYU
- Another workmate, your rival for your aimed position. He loves teasing you and getting into your nerves. Would purposely knock your coffee over your paper works. Often makes a bet with you.
"I didn't mean it, it's just an accident."
"If you make me cum, I'll withdraw, if you cum first, you need to withdraw from the position."
"Fuck, wait fuck!"
"Shit! Shit! M-move! Fuck!"
"Ahh! Fuck you."
KANG TAEHYUN
- The boss. Bossy. Bitch. Whatever it is. He loves commanding you. Loves to use you when he's stressed out. Fucks you like there's no tomorrow whenever he is angry. Please scratch his back with your nails, he loves it.
"Fuck them! Fuck them all!"
"God, they don't have any single idea about what's going on and they judge as if they know everything--- you're so fucking tight!"
"Get on your knees, I'm stressed."
"Do they even know how I made it up here?"
"Stop moving and complaining! I don't fucking care if it hurts already! I'm not yet done!"
HEUNING KAI
- He is just a cute intern. The one who loves to get your attention by asking work related questions which he clearly knows already. Would blush and get hard from the slightest touch, like when you tap his shoulder to try and cheer him up or when you intertwined your arms on his while happily telling him a story. And one day, he just traps you inside the rest room and practically begs you to jack him off.
"Please? I just need you."
"I promise, I'll behave."
"Please, please please."
"Mmpph! N-no I'm not noisy."
"Oh, fuck m-more."
"S-stop now, s-stop."
@binniesbooks 2024
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clarisse0o · 1 day
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Camp Wiegman-Part 79
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle
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Alternative Universe: Military School
Words: 5K
Masterlist
———————————————————————
Wednesday, April 13; 1:30 PM - Batlle House
The sun is shining. The weather has been wonderfully beautiful since we arrived here. It's pleasant. My only regret is that half of our time here has already passed. We've made the most of it, especially with hiking. I've never walked so much in just a few days. Lucy loves it, and I must admit, I’ve started to enjoy it too. From where we are, we have a lot of nature around, so I show her everything we can see.
“So, what do you want to do today?” Lucy asks me after putting the last plate in the dishwasher.
We just finished eating. I sent my grandfather to take his nap. He never wants to admit it, but he gives more than he should. He doesn't seem to understand that he's getting old. I'm glad we're here. We've been able to help him with a lot of things.
“Well, I was thinking you could take care of the car this afternoon.”
“Are you sure? You might get really bored.”
“Oh no. I'll play assistant, and I wouldn’t miss a chance to watch you,” I giggle.
She smiles, nodding her head. She kept her promise to my grandfather by checking under the hood on the first day. According to her, some sensors needed to be replaced if he wanted the car to last. Of course, my grandfather agreed and gave us money to get the parts that same day. However, the parts had to be ordered, and they arrived this morning, so we might as well take care of it right away.
“OK, let’s do that then.”
“And maybe after that, we can…”
She turns her head while washing her hands. I swallow hard.
“I think I’m ready.”
She smiles at my words. She turns fully after grabbing a towel to dry her hands.
“OK. We’ll go see him afterward. And if you want, we can spend the evening at the beach again tonight. The full moon will be at its peak, so we shouldn't miss that, right?”
I smile back and go to embrace her. Yes, it was time for me to go see him. Lucy kisses my forehead. She understood well that I wasn’t the most comfortable at first, but now that we’ve spent some days here, I feel more at ease. Her presence has been really reassuring.
“Well, I’m going to find some clothes before we head out,” she announces, kissing my forehead.
“Can I come with you?”
“Yes, of course.”
We head upstairs to my room. I sit on the bed while Lucy rummages through her things. I watch her intently as she changes in front of me. That tease has been toying with me for days. We kiss a lot before sleeping, or to put it another way, we heat things up, only for nothing to happen. I must admit, this little game is starting to get very frustrating. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted someone this much.
“Everything alright, babe?” she teases gently.
“No. You’re such a tease.”
“Oh, really? A tease?” she giggles.
“Yes.”
“And you’re the one saying that?”
“What do you mean by that?”
She narrows her eyes playfully as she approaches me. I lean back on my elbows as she hovers over me.
“I mean it’s harder for me to hold back than you think.”
I give in to her lips when she kisses me. The moment is short-lived as she pulls away. I groan in frustration.
“Babe!”
“Stop complaining,” she laughs. “We’ve got things to do today. Plus, your grandfather is sleeping in the next room.”
“All the more reason to—”
“Do nothing,” she finishes my sentence. “I’m heading down. Do what you want until then.”
She leaves first, and of course, I follow with a sulky look. She’s opened the car hood in the driveway to start the repairs while I watch, sitting on the grass. Buzz is with us. He’s been following us everywhere. Lucy loved bringing him along on our hikes.
“Babe?”
“Hmm?”
“Were you serious about the idea of getting a dog?”
“Well yes, why? We both seem to love them.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner.”
“Oh, you’re not mad about that, are you? They say a dog is man’s best friend.”
“And do you believe that?”
“Well, yeah. I grew up with a dog, so obviously.”
“Really? What was his name?”
“Hercules.”
“Hercules?” I chuckle.
“Hey, don’t mock it. He was very loyal.”
“No, but Hercules, really?”
I burst out laughing, lying on the ground.
“Are you done?” Lucy scolds me.
Her serious demeanor can’t last when she sees me laughing. A smile stretches across her lips, and she drops the parts she was holding. She wipes her hands on a rag. My girlfriend is such a badass. Why do I feel like she doesn’t even realize it?
“Really, it’s not cool. I loved him.”
“Sorry, I just didn’t expect that. Seriously, Hercules... But it’s cute in its own way.”
“Right,” she laughs. “Don’t make fun of me.”
I smile like an idiot. I feel so happy. It’s strange being away from school, but at the same time, I love this life—just being us. I calm down when I see she’s no longer paying attention to me. She leans back against the car just as a voice calls out.
“Ona...?”
I frown. I sit up before turning around. I hesitate for a moment before recognizing the person in front of me, who seems to have recognized me right away.
“Hey,” I greet awkwardly.
“Ona Batlle. I can’t believe it! I never thought I’d see you again.”
I awkwardly get up to greet Nick, my childhood friend. We must have been so small when we met. We literally grew up together before I moved away.
“Hey!”
I giggle as he lifts me up when I thought we were just going to exchange a hug. We look each other up and down. After all, the last time we saw each other, we must have been twelve. Our parents divorced at the same time, and he left to live with his mother, just like I did. He’s grown. He’s even taller than me now, and let’s just say he’s become very handsome. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s an athlete now. He loved football back then. I recognize his short brown hair and his green eyes.
“Wow,” he laughs. “I can’t believe you’re here. And… seeing you like this… you’ve become a beautiful woman. It’s incredible.”
I laugh nervously at his admiration, playfully hitting his shoulder. It’s a bit awkward. We always had a strong bond between us. We went through some of the same struggles. I always loved being adventurous with him. A throat clearing brings me back to reality. We turn to my girlfriend, who’s watching us with a raised eyebrow.
“Sorry, uh. Nick, this is Lucy, my girlfriend. Lucy, this is Nick, a childhood friend.”
He seems taken aback, but his surprise quickly turns into a smile.
“Girlfriend, huh?” he repeats. “A lot has changed, I see... But honestly, I’m not even surprised.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean? Why does everyone keep saying that?”
He laughs heartily, shrugging his shoulders.
“Oh come on, you were quite the tomboy back then. You hated hanging out with girls your age. You were always tagging along with me and my group of friends.”
“I wasn’t tagging along! You’re the one who always took me with you!” I reply quickly with a little laugh.
I calm down as I feel Lucy’s arms wrap around me. I lean into her, smiling at Nick.
“What are you doing here? I thought you moved away with your mom?”
“Yeah… That was before she passed away from cancer.”
“Nick...”
“No, don’t say anything,” he smiles sadly. “It must be just as hard as losing your father... your grandfather told me everything when I got back.”
I nod. Unlike me, Nick got to leave with the right parent. He was happy to be able to leave the family home.
- When did you come back?
- Two years ago. It was strange at first. I had to find my footing again, and you weren’t there…
We look at each other for a few seconds, and he seems uncomfortable. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say at the moment.
- But anyway, everything's fine now. I’m an athlete at university, I have a girlfriend, and I try to stay busy when I’m not doing anything. Did you know your grandfather can’t be stopped once you start helping him? I’d be careful if I were you, he warns my girlfriend, who giggles.
- Thanks for the warning.
- And you? Are you staying long?
- No, just this week, actually.
- That’s all? So, what about you? Here I am talking about myself, and I haven’t even let you speak. I already know you’ve managed to snag a beautiful woman, so that’s something. Do you live together?
I glance at Lucy, who looks much more relaxed than before. I smile and run my fingers across her cheek when I notice a black smudge.
- Sort of, yeah. In Manchester.
- Manchester? he laughs. Seriously? I thought you hated the cold?
- She still does.
- Stop, you’re exaggerating, I giggle. I’ve gotten used to it.
- And what about your mom?
- She still lives in Barcelona, with Marcus and Joan, my little brother. And she’s getting married next month.
- Wow, all that. I didn’t expect so much. A wedding? And a little brother, really?
- Yeah, well, half-brother technically. He’s going to turn seven.
- Wow. It’s been years. Almost as long as we haven’t spoken.
- Almost, yeah…
We exchange a small smile. I know it’s strange for both of us. Honestly, Nick is someone special to me. He holds my first kiss, which we shared when we each moved away. We were close, undeniably, and it feels a bit strange seeing him again now. Lucy takes the opportunity to slip her arm around my shoulders. I suppress a smile. I know she can’t help herself—it’s crazy. She’s really jealous of anyone.
- Are you still here this weekend? It’s just, I’m throwing a party on Friday night, you know, and I’d love for you to come.
- Uh... I would’ve loved to—
- Oh no, not that line again, he replies, rolling his eyes. Some things never change, it seems.
I laugh, nodding.
- Sorry. We won’t be able to make it.
- When are you leaving?
- Saturday afternoon. We’re heading to Porto to see Lucy’s parents.
- Oh, so you’re Portuguese too? And seeing your parents? Your relationship seems solid.
- It is, I say with a small smile.
- I’m happy for you.
- And you, with your girlfriend?
- It’s not as serious. I mean, it’s been a year now, but we’re not thinking about moving in together or anything like that. We’re taking our time.
- I see. Still commitment issues, huh?
- A bit, yeah. Looks like you’ve managed to get over that, he says, gesturing toward us.
- Let’s just say... you have to find the right person.
- Yeah, he chuckles. I’ll try to remember that. So... we won’t see each other this weekend?
- No, I’m sorry, I say with a small smile.
- A lot has changed, huh?
I nod softly. I can tell he’s changed too. He’s no longer the carefree kid I used to get into trouble with.
- Yeah. It was really great to see you again, though.
- Me too. Maybe we could... I don’t know, exchange numbers? I mean, if Lucy doesn’t mind. It’s just, I think it would be nice to talk to someone who understands me from time to time.
- I don’t mind, she says. It’s not like she can cheat on me between two country.
I smile and accept the kiss Lucy gives me before she lets go. She understands he’s not a threat. At least, I hope so. She goes back to what she was doing while I exchange numbers with Nick.
- Well... I hope it won’t be another eight years before we see each other again.
- We’ll try to avoid that, I say with a small smile. See you soon, and take care of yourself.
- Yeah... You too.
We share one last hug before I sit back down on the grass. Buzz immediately settles between my legs. He hovered around Nick a lot. He must be familiar to him. Still, my grandfather never mentioned him to me. It’s strange.
- So... Nick, huh? Lucy begins. How many more of those do you have up your sleeve?
- What? I giggle.
- I thought it was just Mapi and Feli before me.
I open my mouth to respond, but she cuts me off.
- Careful what you say, baby. You know you’re a terrible liar, and I’m no fool. Do you really want me to lose trust in you over this?
I close my mouth. I hate it when she catches me off guard like that. She turns away, arms crossed. OK, so she’s really serious. I was about to tell a little lie, but I didn’t think it would matter this much.
- Nick was like... I don’t know... my big brother...?
She raises an eyebrow. She doesn’t look convinced. OK... She knows there’s more. And honestly, who wouldn’t? I know there’s a kind of connection with him. We went through a lot together, like our parents’ fights. There was even one day when we ran away... Well, we hid out at my grandparents’ store and went home that night because we were hungry, but still, it was with him. We have memories together, like no one else.
- He was my first kiss...
- First kiss, huh...
My honesty earns a big sigh. I quickly try to recover.
- Don’t make a big deal out of it, please. It wasn’t that great, if you want to know the truth.
- Of course, she says dramatically. You expect me to believe that, given the man he’s become?
She turns back to her tasks, grumpy. I love her jealousy so much. I get up, forcing Buzz to move from his comfy spot between my legs. I apologize with a gentle pat on his head before moving toward my girlfriend. I wrap my arms around her body, which tenses at the contact.
- Come on, baby... Don’t sulk over this. I swear you kiss way better than he does, better than anyone, actually. At least you don’t have acne or braces.
My remark earns a small amused sigh. That’s already a good reaction. I kiss her exposed neck, which makes her straighten up.
- Sorry... she begins, turning around. It’s just that...
She avoids my gaze. I don’t like seeing her so... fragile. I run my hand through her hair.
- I don’t like it.
- You don’t like what? That there were people before you?
- No, she sighs, running her hand through her hair. I know there were others, that’s normal. I don’t know. I just feel vulnerable when you see people who meant something to you. It’s like I feel... like I’m nothing.
- Wow, I chuckle. Are you out of your mind?
I gently make her lift her head. She really does seem vulnerable right now.
- Don’t think that, baby. You’re my everything. How can you even think otherwise?
She sighs, shrugging.
- Will you... will you always love me, even after you really know who I am?
I raise an eyebrow. She seems so worried.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, the girl who left Portugal isn’t the one you see standing in front of you. Well... she is, but not entirely. I’m sure my parents are going to remind you of the clichés I used to be.
Oooh... So, she’s worried about going home. I smile at the realization. It’s really too cute. I thought I was the only one feeling this way, but she hides it well.
- What exactly are you hiding from me?
- We all have a past, Ona...
2
- Hey, are you done? I’m not the kind of person who’s going to push you away for some random reason, OK? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Is this what you’re always scared of when you get in your moods?
She stays silent for a moment before relaxing.
- Yeah, a bit. I feel like I don’t deserve you. Like my old self doesn’t deserve you.
- Don’t talk down about yourself like that. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, and I mean it. I don’t care who you used to be. The only one that matters is the person standing in front of me right now.
She takes a deep breath and nods. I gently stroke her cheek and kiss her tenderly, pressing a bit harder to show her all my passion. I can’t help but smile when she reacts with a soft moan. Naturally, she flips me over to take control.
- You really can’t stand it when I’m in charge, can you? I tease with a laugh.
- Not particularly, she whispers.
- Is that also because of your past? I tease her again.
Instead of answering, she kisses me roughly once more. For some reason, I have a feeling I hit the nail on the head. But I don’t say anything, letting her take the lead. It feels too good to interrupt.
- So, Nick...
I burst into laughter, wrapping my arms around her neck. She’s unbelievable, seriously.
- I was 10, Luce. He didn’t even matter, not even a little.
- Like a big brother, she murmurs.
- Yes, exactly. Like a big brother, I confirm with a small smile.
- Why did you turn down the party? We both know we could’ve gone.
- Why? Well, simply because I want to spend as much time as possible with my girlfriend, you see. That’s why we’re here, after all.
- OK, she whispers. Fine, I’m going to finish fixing up this old bike, and then we can go for a walk in town.
- Hallelujah!
Wednesday, April 13th; 6:00 PM - Cemetery
Here we are. I’m scared. The moment I’ve been dreading is finally happening. I even feel myself trembling in Lucy’s steady hand. I delayed this as much as possible, dragging us all over town this afternoon. But it’s time to go now.
- Do you want me to wait here? Lucy offers.
- No. I need you with me.
- Alright, she whispers.
I don’t move. I’m taking my time to gather the courage. I appreciate Lucy’s patience too. It takes a good ten minutes before I finally lead us inside. I’ve only been here once, but I could find his grave with my eyes closed. Row eleven, grave six. The path is short. We’re there before I’ve even had time to mentally prepare. We stand in silence, but Lucy’s presence reassures me. I’m surprised to see his grave so well-kept. There are even flowers on it. Maybe Grandpa... or Leila. I asked him about her, and he said she still visits town from time to time. I haven’t had the courage to reach out to her. Too many memories would resurface. Yet, I have so many questions for her. Lost in these thoughts, I bend down to place my white rose. Lucy waits a moment before doing the same. She insisted on getting one too, right after we did the shopping for tonight. She didn’t know him, but her gesture touches me deeply. I wait for her to stand back up before nestling into her arms. I take a deep breath as Lucy rubs my back. Her presence is vital to me. It’s hard being here, facing his photo, knowing he’s really six feet under. It’s different from mourning him in Miami. This feels real.
- He would’ve been proud of you, you know?
- I hope so, I murmur. He would’ve adored you.
- Really?
I smile softly. I’m glad I brought her here. She’s trying to take my mind off things, and it’s working.
- Yeah... He accepted everyone in my life as long as they made me happy.
She nods in understanding.
- Did he know about...
- My sexuality? Yeah. For some reason, he figured it out right away. Well... I did talk a lot about Mapi with a dreamy smile on my face.
- And... how did it go?
- I didn’t even have to tell him. We were at the dinner table one night when I came back here. After I rambled on about the things Mapi and I had done, he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Sweetie, is she your girlfriend? Because, you know, I wouldn’t mind if she is.”
I mimic his line, making Lucy laugh. I smile too. I really have nothing to complain about in that area. He accepted me, completely. All he cared about was that I was happy. The only thing that truly mattered to him was that I remembered the importance of family and loved ones. I get that now. That’s why he left me so many promises to keep—like with Mom and Joan...
- He was the only man I knew with such a big heart. So yes... he would’ve adored you, especially knowing how you saved me.
- I think it would’ve been mutual, she whispers.
We stay like that for a while. Normally, I would’ve poured out my heart, but with Lucy here, I don’t. We just enjoy the quiet. Eventually, the night starts to fall, signaling we’ve been here for at least an hour. Lucy really has extraordinary patience.
- Let’s go, I murmur.
- Are you sure? We can stay longer.
- No, it’s alright, I assure you. Thank you for coming with me.
- OK... she breathes. Let’s go then.
I’ll probably come back on my own another time. Lucy loves her morning walks on the beach, so I’ll take advantage of that. Hand in hand, we head back home. We set up a little camp on the beach earlier. We wanted to prepare for tonight with a campfire. We bought barbecue supplies and even marshmallows. It’s shaping up to be a great evening. As we arrive, Buzz runs up to greet us. Lucy says she’ll handle the fire while I gather some blankets. It’s getting chilly, and the last thing we need is to catch a cold...
5
- "Oh no. I'll leave you two alone tonight," my grandfather declines. "The neighbor invited me to dinner anyway."  
- "Really? Nick's dad?" I asked. "I saw him this afternoon, by the way. Why didn’t you tell me he was back?"  
- "Oh, I didn’t want to worry you with that. Did he tell you about his mother?"  
- "Yes," I sighed. "How are things between him and his father?"  
In fact, I had thought a lot about it this afternoon. His father was an alcoholic, which was the main reason his mother filed for divorce. Since he kept the house, I knew he’d gotten sober and even remarried, but I doubt his forced return brought any joy, knowing Nick.  
- "Nick is a good boy," he replied. "He’s struggling with the situation, but he channels his anger in a positive way. He’s rarely home. Actually, he often comes here to help me fix a few things. Or he takes Buzz for a walk."  
- "Yeah, he told me."  
I chuckled, remembering what he had added. Honestly, I think he’s happy to spend time here. It’s like a kind of refuge. I also understand why Buzz loves him so much too.  
- "Will he be with you tonight?" I asked.  
- "No. I think he’s going to his girlfriend’s."  
- "Okay..." I murmured. "Too bad."  
I would have invited him with us if I had known. I think Lucy wouldn’t have minded.  
- "Well, I’m heading out then. Are you sure you don’t want to change your mind?"  
- "Oh, no no. I really meant it when I said you two should enjoy yourselves together."  
- "You’re not a bother if that’s what worries you."  
- "Ona, sweetheart. It’s fine, I promise. Look, I’ve already got the wine to bring to the neighbor’s."  
- "Okay, I won’t insist anymore. You know where to find us if you need anything."  
- "Yes, yes," he laughed.  
I left to join my girlfriend and... Buzz. That dog has completely forgotten about me in favor of my girlfriend. He adores her. Well, she does take him running every morning. He must feel alive again in just a week. Though, not as much after what I just learned.  
- "He didn’t want to come?" my girlfriend asked when she saw me alone.  
- "No. Mister got himself invited by the neighbor," I joked.  
- "Oh. Well, that’s good. At least now you know he still has a social life."  
- "True... when you put it like that," I giggled.  
I spread a blanket on the ground. Lucy set up some kind of tent, or something you could call one. It’s more like a tarp, really, but it’s pretty cool. It shields us from the wind later at night. I smiled as she was already turning sausages over the fire. It’s simply perfect. Plus, the sun was finally setting, giving us a stunning sunset. I really feel like I’m on vacation.  
- "I brought you a sweater if you want," I told her, showing the clothing in my hand.  
- "Thanks."  
She quickly slipped it on over her t-shirt. I didn’t want to grab anything more, even though she was in shorts and flip-flops. She admitted to me that she loved feeling the sand under her feet. As for me, I stole one of her sweatshirts and a pair of bermuda shorts. They’re a bit big, but I feel so comfortable in her clothes. They smell so much like her, it’s delightful.  
- "Come sit," I said, patting the spot next to me after sitting down myself.  
- "Two minutes. Let me finish here first. Hey, check the cooler and get us something to drink."  
I smiled and nodded. To be honest, we bought a bottle of champagne. Who knows why. In any case, I happily popped the cork and poured us two glasses. Meanwhile, Lucy had prepared two plates for us. The evening went on. We talked, we laughed, never losing sight of the waves and the setting sun in front of us. Our legs constantly touched. We rubbed, we caressed each other, until the blanket ended up over our shoulders after we got rid of the plates and empty glasses. If time could stop, I would let it.  
- "Do you... do you think you know everything Feli did to me?"  
My question broke the peaceful silence. I was completely slumped on Lucy, who was supporting both our weights. She didn’t answer right away. The truth is, I need to know. Mapi was right in a way. I can’t hide it from her forever.  
- "I think so, yes," she murmured.  
I turned around at her words to straddle her. I needed to look into her eyes if I was going to tell her. Her hands instinctively rested on my thighs. It’s been a long time since I’ve pulled away from her touch, and it feels good. I feel like I’m coming back to life, able to accept any kind of contact.  
- "You don’t have to tell me, Ona... I’ve understood. You wouldn’t have been so broken otherwise."  
I nodded as a few tears welled up in my eyes. I had never dared to say it out loud. Saying it would mean acknowledging it. Yet here, with her, I just feel at peace.  
- "I-I want her to pay. F-for her violence, her acts, and those r-rapes too. Y-you’re absolutely right. S-she doesn’t deserve to get away with it."  
Lucy nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. With her other hand, she stroked my back, sending shivers down my spine. But my decision was made. I want to take her to court. I’m ready to do it now. I know it’s the last thing I need to do to close this chapter of my life.  
- "It’s going to be hard, you know that, right?"  
I nodded. I felt shaky because I knew many wounds would reopen, but I knew it was the right thing to do. He doesn’t deserve to get away unscathed.  
- "I-I can do it, with you."  
I looked at her pleadingly, but her small smile said it all. She had been waiting for this, for me to free myself from my past. It had been a long time since she wanted to reopen the case my mother had prepared for me back then.  
- "We’ll do it together, I promise you, my love."  
Gently, she laid me down on my back, coming to rest over me. She kissed me tenderly before whispering:  
- "You are the strongest woman I know. I’m so proud of you."  
I let myself be carried away by her soft lips. Everything had changed so much in just a few seconds. Everything became sensual. I clung desperately to her neck as her hand roamed freely over my body. I caught my breath when she started playing with the hem of my bermuda shorts.  
- "Are you kidding?" I whispered, amused.  
I was dying to, after such an emotional moment, but we were out in nature. It wasn’t reasonable.  
- "What? Don’t you like adventure?" she teased between kisses on my neck. "You know I wouldn’t do it in the house."  
- "Someone could see us," I replied, without actually stopping her hand from sliding down.  
The temptation was just too strong.  
- "There’s the tarp," she murmured, still kissing my neck.  
I gasped when she reached my... soaked heart. Yes, that’s the right word.  
- "Dare tell me you don’t want this," she whispered. "Just be discreet this time."  
- "Oh, you’re talking about me?" I managed to say, shivering at her first caresses. "Let’s see who can control themselves better."  
I followed my words by unbuttoning her shorts. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling this night is going to be long... A long night filled with love under a starry sky
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mymarifae · 2 days
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yesterday someone on strawpage asked me what made me go from a dr. ratio hater to a dr. ratio enjoyer and that response took me. four hours . to put together. so you know what i'm going to share my thoughts here too. here's why i like this ⬇️ jackass a lot now!!!!!!!!!!!
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he's a tricky character! the first interactions we get with him are so off-putting and unpleasant that i feel like a lot of people are like "wow, this guy is a self-absorbed dick, i don't respect him at all. can he go away" - i know that was my reaction! and he IS a dick. but like. listen.
it's really, really, REALLY easy to misconstrue 90% of his words and actions. it doesn't help that he has the speech patterns of a haughty asshole. and it alsooooooo doesn't help that aventurine's stunt in penacony required orchestrating a "betrayal" between himself and ratio. i think some of the things ratio said during All That constitutes the bulk of most people's persisting dislike of him. So:
1. everything ratio did and said was exactly what aventurine asked him to. this was all pre-negotiated. i think aventurine's insecurities acting up and the way he started doubting whether ratio was truly just acting threw some people off as well, but there is plentyyyyyy of evidence that no, ratio does not hate him and was not waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab him in the back and rid himself of this "damned gambler" but i'll get more into that in a sec ok? i have another bullet point to make first. and it's important so read it carefully ok? promise?
2. any comments from ratio pertaining to aventurine's race were said to fuel the narrative SUNDAY was building in his head probably from the second he learned which ipc executive would be coming to penacony.
aventurine's plan hinged on sunday's prejudice. he needed sunday to think of him as a liar, a cheat, a silver-tongued honeypot - basically, every avgin stereotype floating around in the universe. he needed to invoke a sense of insult. how could someone so... despicable invade the family's sweet dream? he needed sunday to be so wound up over his presence in penacony that he couldn't resist the urge to put The Vile Avgin back in his place. idk THIS ("this" being the real world parallels of how the catholic church ethnically cleansed the rroma during the 16th and 17th centuries) is a whooooole issue in itself that i don't have the time to go into rn because we're supposed to be talking about dr. ratio. oops
anyway the important thing to understand is that ratio absolutely does not look down upon aventurine's heritage. he was acting, with aventurine's blessing, to feed into sunday's biases. and he wasn't even good at it 😭... like look at this exchange from 2.0:
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one snarky comment from aventurine and his ass is immediately Apologizing. his ass that's supposed to be acting like he doesn't respect or like aventurine At All. in fact, aventurine's "even under the watchful eye of the harmony..." comment feels a liiiiittle pointed lol. it's a subtle warning to ratio! like, "hey, dumbass, did you forget we're being monitored at all times?? knock it off."
and like this isn't even the only time ratio breaks character and puts aventurine's plan in jeopardy. he learns nothing from this interaction because it's worse next time. lmao:
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this stupid fuckignb note. is extremely significant in manyyyy ways so we have to talk about it. first of all, stopping to check on aventurine's condition and to say "tell me if you can't hold on any longer" RIGHT IN FRONT OF SUNDAY (basically, since the family was monitoring everything and a few minutes later we see one of gopher wood's birds hanging out in that general area)?? BRO
if he wanted to, this brief interaction would have been enough for sunday to call their bluff. and aventurine knew that; many of his lines here feel like attempts to redirect ratio into picking the act back up and to stop trying to help him.
next, the stupid fuckignb note's contents. yes yes the second half is very sweet and it's all anyone ever wants to talk about and i understand because it probably meant the world to aventurine especially in that moment but i need you to look at the first half
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ratio gave aventurine the answer..? he. gave him the answer. you might be wondering why this matters at all and i'll just have to redirect you to his actions in 1.6, wherein he notably refused to give any answers and let asta, stelle, and like everyone else on the space station flounder, learn from their floundering, and - ultimately - Grow
ratio is a teacher through and through. if someone isn't one of those "geniuses" he wants nothing to do with, they're a potential student in his eyes. and everything that happened in mundane troubles was the space station's final exam, so to speak. his inaction wasn't out of cruelty or because he didn't care about the fate of all the people on the station - obviously he did, because he was the one using the phase flame to teleport the missing researchers to safety...
he posited himself as a safety net in case things went horribly terribly wrong, but he left most of it up to stelle and asta, because he believed in them. they had all the information they needed; they just needed to figure out how to utilize it. and if they failed, well... they had their safety net, and failure is a learning experience too. like, ratio wants people to learn. he wants them to have all the skills and knowledge they could possibly need to take charge of their lives.
the "geniuses" of the world, the head honchos, the impossibly rich 0.0001%? whatever you want to call them, there's always this Upper Level in society that can do things "ordinary" people can never dream of doing. their way of life is simply unattainable. ratio disagrees. he believes that anyone can do anything, if someone would only take the time to teach them. and he's chosen to be one of those teachers! instead of sitting on his ass and just theorizing about a better, fairer society, he's doing what he can to make a difference.
(not so self-centered after all, huh?)
so like. when you remember how much of a teacher ratio is, like this is a philosophy ingrained in his very bone marrow, it's a pretty big fucking deal that he just GAVE aventurine the answer he needed. it shows how concerned he was! and how guilty he felt about the part he had to play!!!! his words and actions were so far removed from his actual thoughts and feelings that he literally HAD to put the whole operation at risk to remind aventurine that he doesn't view him the same way sunday did, give him a safety net, AND let him know it's there. because at this point he felt that the plan was too risky and he cared too much
like honestly i think he hoped aventurine would read the note before putting on his "performance" and readjust accordingly. but then he didn't <3 and acheron had to remind him that it was still sitting in his pocket <3 if she hadn't said anything about it i don't think he would have opened it adgsmbfdndhfbkjjbg <3 oh i love a mess <3 anyway i think this serves as a suitable refute for the "dr. ratio was racist towards aventurine" sentiment that continues to fly around in some parts of the fandom, so? MOVING ON
i ended up talking about this already, but looking more closely at how ratio looks at the world was a biiiiiig part of why he grew on me So Much. it's all actually really noble and worth admiring. again, he just talks like a dick so it's easy to get confused LMFAO
he never received nous' recognition not just because he "cares too much" (as you'll see some people vaguely claim and then not elaborate), but because he fundamentally disagrees with the ideology that allows the genius society, the path of erudition, and even nous themself to exist.
there's like... a certain "threshold" of intelligence and knowledge that nous operates off of. the unknown, the near-or-actually-impossible to comprehend, things that the average person would never be able to grasp and would never care to try because it's simply beyond them - that's all nous cares about. but ratio doesn't believe this threshold exists. he doesn't believe in knowledge that cannot be taught. just to reiterate: he believes anyone can learn anything if someone teaches them, and they will care if they know someone will be there to teach them.
but if anyone can follow the footsteps of geniuses, then Genius is no longer a superior echelon of society. the end goal the erudition seeks is no longer "beyond the limits of mortal wisdom."
nous rejected ratio because he rejected them - long before he fully understood that he did so.
i think he only ever tried to seek their recognition because it was expected so highly of him. like, he was a prodigy child, absorbing new information and collecting phds at the speed of light. of course every adult around him was like, "oh yeah this kid's a future genius society member" and then they told him this. over and over. and he was like, Okay, so this is the path i'm supposed to embark on, and i must do it and i must succeed (or i'll let them down; i'll be a disappointment, a failure, a waste of resources and all the hopes and dreams everyone's pinned onto me.)
he spent a good few years trying and failing to conform to nous' surprisingly (ironically?) boxed-in mindset. but they ignored him, probably because they predicted that even IF they recognized him while he seemingly ascribed more closely to the erudition's beliefs, he would ultimately wander off and "waste" time trying to nurture the achievements of "mere" mortals instead. and then he had to sit there and be like ok i apparently fucking failed at the one thing i thought i was supposed to do with my life, What Now
and this results in the dr ratio we meet in game. still haughty, still has an attitude problem and a bad temper, still has a tendency to talk down to people (i think though at this point his condescending tone is more of a defense mechanism and a way of isolating himself from others before he is once again rejected from a "part" of society after trying, trying, and then Failing to conform to a box), but! considerably more humble and far more focused on others than himself. he cares, ok. he cares an awful fucking lot. he believes in the good of humanity. humanity's ability to do good, to grow... to find the answers to its problems, implement them, and save itself.
plus, "character that's very admirable and very kind and loving IN THEIR OWN WAY (<- this is important because ratio isn't any of these things in a traditional sense and that's another part of why i've come to like him; it's interesting) but is cursed to just sort of talk like a total jackass forever" is an extremely entertaining concept
one other thing that's less significant than realizing ^^^^^^^ALL OF THAT. GOD .but still played a big part in my warming up to him, is how fond he is of those stupid rubber ducks and the goofy poses his statues are in. and also how his very first introductory cutscene is him playing chess BADLY (😭😭😭😭) against himself. that speaks to a sense of whimsy and playfulness that he doesn't have much of an outlet for. which i find... cute. and an aspect of his character that's a ton of fun to play around with
IN CONCLUSION: i mean he's okay i guess
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🚨 🚨 ‼️ 🇨🇳🇭🇰 HK/CHINESE SUOPOST V2 PART 1 HAS LANDED!!
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I never thought it would see the light of day because this draft got deleted like, 2 times and running. But it's here. It's finally here.
Below the cut is another long and lengthy Suopost V2 about his inherent Chineseness and, may I now congratulate, even further Hong Kongness! Not only that, but now we have Endo Yamato also starting to show signs of diagnosable Chineseness, and because my CN friend and I are ridiculously tweaky when it comes to overanalyzing characters who show even a smidge of Chinese in their eyes—this post was born! Sadly, because I am slow as hell when it comes to writing, this post only contains 11,000 words discussing Suo Hayato. You'll need to wait for Part 2 if you want to see me Hallelujahpost and Chinkpost Endo Yamato... blame my stupid baka life.
Now feast your eyes upon me having to correct my own errors in analysis that turns out to reveal even more Chinese connotations 😭😭😭💪!! This is VERY VERY long and has genuine deep analysis regarding a lot of China/HK culture/like 8 seconds of politics and 15 minutes of history + the weight behind some symbolism in Suo's name + theories regarding Suo's arc + Suo's absolutely yappable connection to 儒家思想/Confucianism.
Later in Part 2, we'll talk about Endo Yamato's biblical symbolism + alchemical influence + his connections to Suo, and how I can jokingly chinkpost him lol. I'll also be uploading a Reddit version of this post onto r/WindBreakerManga either tomorrow or the day after because I have to re-format a lot of things.
So strap in for a long and potentially mind-exploding ride because this is what happened to me while researching/writing all this. BTW, feel free to spam live commentary at me using Tumblr's comment function or something because I'd love to hear your thoughts while reading this whole gigantanorstus assfuck of a post... I'm not okay. I think I went insane. Niisato needs to pay me USD 1,664,800 for a new heart because I think mine stopped beating multiple times during research.
Before we begin, I'd like to tell everyone who has read my previous Suo chinkpost (v1) to DISREGARD EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT SUO'S FLOWER BEING PLUM BLOSSOMS. You'd think I'd be devastated to find out I have to retcon an entire analysis because I picked out the wrong flower. You'd be expecting Suo to lose Chinese aurapoints. I shit you not: he auramaxxed HARDER. It's like opening a Pandora's Box; you learn about the real flower and then 5 trillion more connotations are thrown at you at Mach 20. It is more over than I thought possible when I wrote the traditionally symbolic Chinese boypreggers marriage room part. And one connection caused me to spiral into another, thus stretching this post's wordcount into unholy numbers 😭
Anyway.
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In Suopost v1, I thought these fuckass flowers [IMG 1] next to Suo were plum blossoms [IMG 2] and, ngl! They look plenty like them. But after I read this mind-blowing char analysis + theory document made by u/Snowy-kitten, my jaw fell as:
Oops, Suo's name means Chinese redbud [IMG 3], and if Sakura's flowers are sakura, then Suo's flowers should be redbuds. Damn, I got it wrong, time to rewrite my Suopost. Sorry for spreading misinformation gu—
...What are these flowers called in Chinese anyway?
why do i hear boss musicHOLY SHIT OH MY GOD THEY'RE CALLED 紫荊花. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH M
Taken directly from the wonderful and super informative document which I highly advise you to read to fully understand this post, especially if you have time:
Su (蘇) – sappanwood, a wood that can be made into medicine used to improve blood circulation, treat wounds, and alleviate pain. It also symbolizes revival, resurrection
O (枋) – sappanwood or a tough wooden plank that can be used for crafting, maybe symbolizing the bridge of communication between other characters?
Suo (蘇枋) – Sappanwood, a deciduous shrub of the legume family (ie a small shrub that loses all its leaves in winter), or Chinese redbud, symbolizing family harmony, can be used as treatment for fever (No wonder why Sakura recovered after Suo visited him)
Haya (隼) – Falcon, a symbol of nobility (high status + wealth) in Japan, also symbolizes bravery, power and vision, is an icon of pursuit and movement, heading toward success (Falcon in other cultures also symbolizes freedom, which might have something to do with Suo’s dream – the liberation of slaves)
To (飛) – Fly or Flight
Hayato (隼飛) – Flying Falcon
Analysis: Most likely the key to the success of Sakura or Bofurin’s rebirth, if Sakura became the leader of Bofurin, Suo would most likely be his right-hand, just like Hiiragi and Umemiya
- Although Chinese redbud symbolizes family harmony in Chinese culture, it also symbolizes betrayal/death due to betrayal in the Bible
- Unlike other characters, Suo’s name contains more than one species of tree, would this be a hint of him having more than one identity, hence the traitor theory?*
*I'll elaborate with my own understanding on the traitor theory expanded from the information I've gotten from u/Snowy-kitten's document. Please please pleaser read their theories and their analyses!! It's super super good and deserves so much credit and a lot of this post is built from it.
-
1. Suo and the 'Chinese Redbud'
Suo's name is extremely fucking insane if viewed from a cultural lens — specifically the symbolism of the 'Chinese redbud' as well as some themes of the 'sappanwood'.
If you're from HK you might already be freaking out with me when you saw those three Chinese characters: 紫荊花, AKA the Chinese name of Suo's second plant after the sappanwood. You might be thinking, User Psychiwavementality, is it truly joever as it is? Is there no coming barack from the HK suoposting? Have we found salvation? Is Suo from Hong Kong, better yet, the Wind Breaker version of Sun Yee On or 14K???
Unfortunately, I have to inform you: no. 🥲 Suo's flower is NOT the bauhinia, known as the '洋紫荊' yang zijing/bauhinia x blakeana/羊蹄甲屬 (yang ti jia shu) which happens to be the official flower of Hong Kong.
Suo's flower is the '紫荊花', or the zijing hua/cercis chinensis, which, in China, can be found in southwest Guangdong, southern Guangxi, and southeastern Yunnan the most. <- These could be places Suo hails from!
However, the Chinese redbud/ZJH and the Bauhinia/YZJ are often used interchangeably (and also incorrectly), causing confusion and mix-ups between both flowers, as HK's 'yang zijing' is sometimes shortened directly to 'zijing'.
Outside of WBK, this shortening is a topic of political discussion. For reference, there is debate around the could-be or could-not-be intentional omission of the 洋 (yang) character in Mainland China when referring to the yang zijing (making it simply zijing (hua) and not the YZJ) as well as how it affects HK.
There was discussion when the HK's Gov. omitted the 'yang' and referred to the YZJ as the 'zijing hua' in our Basic Law. If you want to get a gist of the discussion it feel free to Google Translate this image because mobile Tumblr only lets me embed 10 images and I need to use it sparingly lol.
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From Wikipedia:
洋紫荊作為香港法定代表花卉,在《香港特別行政區基本法》第一章第十條提述香港區旗及區徽時被稱作「紫荊花」,英文版則使用泛指羊蹄甲屬的「bauhinia」。然而「紫荊花」一名除在中國南方多泛指羊蹄甲屬外,也可以泛指紫荊亞科的其他花卉,甚至特指紫荊屬物種紫荊(Cercis chinensis)的花。紫荊與洋紫荊兩個物種的花朵外觀有顯著分別,但因中國大陸媒體多依照「紫荊花」一名來宣傳香港市花[註 3],引致部分中國大陸民眾誤以為香港市花為紫荊的花。
(Edited MTL):
As the legal representative flower of Hong Kong, Bauhinia is called "紫荊花 (ZJH)" when referring to the Hong Kong regional flag and regional emblem in Article 10 of Chapter 1 of the Basic Law of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region.
The English version uses "bauhinia" which generally refers to the genus Bauhinia. However, the name "紫荊花 (ZJH)", in addition to generally referring to the genus Cercis chinensis in southern China, can also generally refer to other flowers of the subfamily Bauhinia, and even specifically refers to the flowers of the genus Cercis chinensis.
There are significant differences in the appearance of the flowers of the two species, Cercis chinensis and Bauhinia x blakeana. However, because the mainland Chinese media mostly uses the name "紫荊花 (ZJH)" to promote the municipal flower of Hong Kong, some people in mainland China mistakenly believe that the municipal flower of Hong Kong is the 紫荊花 (ZJH).
(I'm not shitting you when I tell you even Google Translate didn't pick up on the nuances between yang zijing and zijing hua 😭😭 also the scientific names have me tripping so the MTL might be wrong yet I'm too blurry to correct it properly... if any native Chinese speaker wants to write a proper TL in the comments I allow you to help me!!)
2. What does this mean for Suo?
The Lack of '洋 (yang)':
(This part touches a little on HK/China/UK history and politics.)
Now that you know the difference between the 'yang zijing' and the 'zijing hua', let me explain some possible symbolism that Suo might carry by having the ZJH as his other plant and not the YZJ.
In Chinese, '洋' means 'foreign'. And yes, Suo likes foreign tea and cakes. Anyway, some people think that the omission of '洋’ is a way to be politically accurate as it may carry connotations of HK being colonized by the UK, and the Mainland Gov. is known to be against the colonization of Hong Kong, often being reluctant to admit that HK belonged to the UK in a brief period of history after signing an unequal treaty. The Mainland Gov. commonly asserts that HK has always been a part of China even during the colonial period, claiming that HK was rightfully returned to its roots on the 1st of July, 1997.
Hence, there is the omittance of 'yang/foreign' from 'yang zijing', whether unintentional or not, when referring to HK's flower, resulting in many current-gen Mainlanders referring to it as the ZJH, which if intentional, could be used as a way to linguistically minimize the alienation between HK and China.
Theories/Speculation as to why it was omitted:
There are multitudes of reasons why Nii Satoru could have chosen to use the ZJH instead of the YZJ in Suo's name.
On a practical level, one reason may be because Suo's name is intended to have double meanings—sappanwood and the Chinese redbud—to show that he has two sides to him, most likely being connections to Chinese culture. Nii Satoru might have been unable to use this two-sided symbolism if he used the YZJ instead, hence why he used the ZJH instead of the YZJ; furthermore, there is a cultural story that comes with the ZJH that could very well coincide and foreshadow Suo's arc which I will explain soon. I personally think this is the most likely reason.
Another practical reason is that Nii Satoru genuinely had no idea there was a difference between the YZJ and the ZJH and, if he ends up revealing that Suo is a born-and-raised in HK lad, he made an honest mistake while trying to hint at Suo being from Hong Kong.
Nii Satoru could also not want to be too 'on-the-nose' when hinting at Suo having correlations to HK, OR he wanted to imply that Suo was originally from China and immigrated to HK at a young age — or it could be hinting at his ancestors moving from China to HK, which was common back in the 'golden era of HK' spurred forward by its advancement in the film industry as well as budding business opportunities for being an international trading hub. Either way, it could have meant to be a nod towards Suo being from China and not Japan/HK etc.
On a theory/canon level, Suo could have intentionally chose this Japanese name for himself and intentionally omitted the '洋 (yang)'/'foreign' character. He could've done it because he dislikes its implications, that he's a stranger in a foreign land (Japan). Or he could be touchy about his identity as a 'foreigner' — what differentiates him from the Japanese? Hence why he dresses and expresses himself so Chinese-ly — or he could've done it to show that he's freeing himself of his roots — people who leave their OG culture behind often become walking time capsules of That Particular Period, and the loss of '洋 (yang)' could also imply he's losing his connections to Hong Kong/the triad. The latter ties in with my tiny theory that Suo's hair is short because he cut it as a way to symbolize him breaking away from his shixiong/shidi, yet his past still haunts him in the way his tassel earrings resemble long hair at times. (The flower meaning of ZJH is also very very in line with this latter theory. I will elaborate more in my next part about the meaning of the Chinese redbud/ZJH.)
Suo could also be omitting this character on purpose to reconnect with his Chinese side after immigrating to HK and then Japan, I suppose? This might be EXTREMELY controversial to show in HK/China if he shows bias towards one side's culture by stepping away from the other, and I don't see a way this can be written without stomping on one side's good graces + provoking political disgruntlement amongst HK/CN readers, so this is probably not going to be an option up for consideration (hopefully).
Furthermore, if Suo also shows favor of JP culture/claiming that he's JP over being HK/CN as his arc and that he's abandoning his past identity as a Chinese/HK person, I promise you that some CN readers might become unhappy as there are long-standing grudges between the Chinese and the Japanese from WW2 that are too long to elaborate here. If you're curious to learn about it, search up 'Nanjing Massacre' and 'Unit 731' to see for yourself — please heed a TW for extreme brutality and inhumane torture.
OK, this is the last of all things political, but I promise the historical part will still continue. Let's move on.
3. The Meaning and Stories Behind the Zijing Hua/Chinese Redbud and The Yang Zijing/Bauhinia x blakeana
In Chinese culture, the Chinese redbud/zijing hua has a well-known cultural story behind it. It is deeply tied to the flower meaning of the Chinese redbud -- which has core symbolisms of familial reunion/love (親情) and brotherly harmony (兄弟和睦). And to any SuoSaku enjoyer's delight, they also symbolize steadfast love, passion, and affection; it is known to be a well-received gift for husbands and wives; it can even symbolize a strong and loyal friendship (if you're into that). The growth structure of a Chinese redbud, as said by a user in an online Chinese forum to whom I will graciously quote:
3、倔强坚强
紫荆花的花语为倔强坚强,紫荆花的花朵生长的十分紧凑,就算在阴雨天气,叶片被大风所吹动,不断摇慎态摆,也不会掉落,好似一位倔强的人,永远不会向困难低头,努力拼搏,最终收获成功。
(Edited MTL):
3. Stubborn and strong
The flower language of the zijing hua is stubbornness and strength. The flowers of the zijing hua grow very compactly. Even in rainy weather, the leaves are blown by strong winds and keep swaying cautiously, but they will not fall off. Just like a stubborn person, they will never bow their head to difficulties, work hard and exert oneself to the utmost, and ultimately achieve success.
It can also symbolize new beginnings, just like Sakura's sakura:
紫荊花的象徵意義 紫荊花象徵著愛情、美麗和純潔。 在中國傳統文化中,紫荊花還被視為春天的使者,寓意著新生命和新的希望。
(Edited MTL)
The symbolic meaning of zijing hua symbolises love, beauty and purity. In traditional Chinese culture, the zijing hua is also regarded as the messenger of spring, implying new life and new hope.
Moving on to English sources, I've basically learned that the Chinese redbud:
Is not resistant to winter frost, but is generally able to survive the cold. Suo's favorite season may be winter, but both the sappanwood and the Chinese redbud are not resistant to either the cold or frost, with the first losing all its leaves in winter and the second potentially dying to snow/frost (like most plants lol.) Despite being resistant to the rain and heat of spring and summer and being able to tolerate degrees under 38°C (remember Suo not breaking a sweat when training in the summer with Furin?), Chinese redbuds fall short when it comes to braving brutal winters, thriving best when the temperature is above 10°C.
They bloom during spring, around March-April. Could this be a parallel as to why Suo idolizes Ume, the 'plum blossom' that can bloom in the cold of winter? For being able to stay resilient and stand proudly/beautifully even amidst harsh and stressful conditions?
Has many parts can be utilized for traditional Chinese medicine, cooking, and decoration. The wood and the bark have been used to treat abscesses, bladder ailments, and head troubles. Treats bladder diseases, post-partum discharges, bleeding piles, and internal parasites; its flowers are used for relieving rheumatic muscles and joint pain. Even the flowers can be eaten raw or pickled, containing vitamin C with a fresh and acidic taste. The bark of young shoots can be used to weave baskets, as the wood of Cercis species is generally of good quality. -> Suo's plants can both weave baskets and act as good wood...
Is also known for its ornamental purposes, and has a neighboring family tree—the Cercis siliquastrum, known as the 'Judas Tree', which is a symbol of betrayal. Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus and committed suicide by hanging himself from a redbud tree. Additionally, I was told by my friend that u/Snowy-kitten realized the kanji for Suo's name is is 蘇枋(すおう), but the tree he represents is Chinese redbud (花蘇芳/ハナズオウ/hanazuou in Japanese). 蘇枋 and 蘇芳 are pronounced the same and one of the hanakotoba (flower language) of 花蘇芳 is apparently death by betrayal.
While the Chinese redbud/ZJH is known for these traits, the YZJ is a little bit different; it was difficult to find meanings and symbolism for the Bauhinia x blakeana due to it being a lesser-known flower + a sterile hybrid flower.
Locally, the leaves of the YZJ are considered "clever leaves" and a symbol of wisdom; sometimes harvested to be dried into bookmarks to bring good luck in studies.
The Bauhinia x blakeana is a hybrid between the Bauhinia purpurea and then Bauhinia variegata. But I could not find anything about the symbolism of the Bauhinia purpurea... I looked at some other ones in the Bauhinia genus, though.
From what I found, the genus has flowers that typically represent new beginnings (is he twinning Sakura?), feminine beauty (he's still ♂ fertile ♂ like that), grace, elegance, and nobility.
Bauhinia kappleri:
Historically, it has been seen as a symbol of unity due to its bilobed leaves resembling joined hands. This symbolism was especially prominent in cultures that valued harmony and cohesiveness. [...] Pink Bauhinia represents grace, unity, and resilience. Its delicate yet sturdy appearance communicates a balance of beauty and strength. [...] In Chinese culture, for instance, it symbolizes renewal and new beginnings [...] Meanwhile, in Western contexts, it often represents appreciation and noble elegance.
Bauhinia acuminata:
The Bauhinia acuminata's striking appearance symbolizes beauty, elegance, and grace. It is often associated with the ideals of feminine beauty and charm. In some cultures, these blossoms are seen as symbols of new beginnings and growth, making them popular choices for weddings and other celebrations.
Bauhinia variegata:
1. [...] the white orchid has held reverence throughout Chinese culture and stands as a symbol of nobility, beauty, and innocence.
2. The Orchid Tree holds symbolic meaning in several cultures. In India, it is associated with love, fertility, and prosperity, often featured in weddings and religious ceremonies. In Chinese culture, Bauhinia variegata is a symbol of beauty, grace, and the fleeting nature of life.
Bauhinia x blakeana in Chinese Sources:
在中國文化中,紫色常代表高貴與權力,而洋紫荊則代表了優雅和力量。 此外,洋紫荊還象徵著團結和繁榮,這也使它成為許多盛大活動的首選花卉。
(Edited MTL)
In Chinese culture, the color purple often represents nobility and power, while the yang zijing represents elegance and strength. In addition, the yang zijing symbolizes unity and prosperity, which makes it the flower of choice for many grand events.
I have a headache. 🤕 Am I just yapping or was this all preordained by Nii Satoru?
Do you still remember that Suo's earrings are made of coral? The very coral that symbolizes a lofty status, auspiciousness, nobility, power, and eternity? 🤕
It's all coming together...
The Story of Three Brothers and the Zijing Hua Tree/田真兄弟:
This story could very well be a direct hint towards Suo's future martial siblings + how his arc will end. I vaguely remember(?) studying this passage for DSE unseen 文言文s so I managed to find it again. I'll cross-reference and do a direct word-to-word translation. If you understand Chinese I recommend just reading the 文言文 because it has more of the OG meaning 💪
原文/Original:
京兆田真兄弟三人,共议分财。生资皆平均,唯堂前一株紫荆树,共议欲破三片。翌日就截之,其树即枯死,状如火然。真往见之,大愕,谓诸弟曰:“树本同株,闻将分斫,固憔悴,是人不如木也。” 因悲不自胜,不复解树。树应声荣茂,兄弟相感,遂和睦如初。
註釋/Glossary
(1)京兆:京城地區。
(2)生資:生活資料。
(3)皆:都。
(4)唯:只有。
(5)破:使之破為。
(6)就:開始。
(7)即:立即;立刻。
(8)狀:形狀;狀態。
(9)然:通假字,同“燃”,燃燒。
(10)翌日:第二天
(11)愕:驚訝。
(12)諸:眾;
(13)斫(zhuó):砍。
(14)勝:承受;控制。
(15)憔悴:枯死。
(16)故:所以。
(17)解:分解。
(18)其:他家的。
(19) 堂:門。
(20)株:棵。
(21)遂:於是。
句子翻譯/Sentence TLs:
1、翌日就截之:第二天就準備截斷它。
2、狀如火然:形狀像被火燃燒過一樣。
3、樹木同株,聞將分斫,故憔悴,是人不如木也:樹本來是同根的,聽到要砍斷分開,所以枯死了,我們人都不如樹木。
4、樹應聲榮茂:紫荊樹聽到(田真的)話後(立刻)枝葉繁茂(了起來)。
My attempt at an English TL:
In the capital city [Beijing], the three Tianzhen brothers divided their property. All other assets [means of living] had already been evenly divided; all except the Chinese redbud tree/zijing tree in front of the door. They discussed and agreed to split the tree into three pieces each. The next day, they prepared to cut the tree down, but the tree immediately withered to death, as if it had been torched by a flame. The oldest brother looked at the sight and was extremely stunned, saying to his younger brothers: "This tree is originally from the same root. It heard it was going to be separated after it was felled, and thus, it withered. We, as humans, were no match for/couldn't live up to even a tree."
Because they were unable to bear with/contain their remorse, the brothers decided not to cut the tree. When the Chinese redbud/zijing tree heard the eldest brother's words, it immediately sprouted flowers once more. The Tianzhen brothers were astonished and emotional and thus returned to their harmonious relationship from the beginning.
From this, I'm heavily inclined to believe that:
Suo is one of three brothers/martial siblings.
Suo left/they left Suo due to family issues or family inheritance trials.
Suo's arc will end well, with all brothers reaching an understanding and becoming friendly again.
OR, Suo is the Chinese redbuds/zijing tree in this scenario.
Suo might end up facing Endo because the passage mentions 'as if it had been torched by a flame [状如火然]'. Endo's name is '棪堂' -> this also means something else which u/Snowy-kitten mentioned, it being 'a tree that bears edible red fruit' in Chinese, which contributes to Endo's biblestuff. But let's analyze it later in Endo's part.
Chinese can somewhat be considered playing Pictionary—if you separate the words from 「棪堂」 into three: 「木」、「炎」、「堂」, you could literally interpret this as, in 文言文/Classical Chinese, 「Tree/Wood」、「Flames Rising」、「Courtyard/Doorfront」
This coincides with the "Chinese redbud tree/ZJH" looking as if it "had been torched aflame" in front of the house/the courtyard/the door.
In conclusion, this might allude to Suo having to fight Endo, or Endo having to fight Suo to get him back due to a family feud—and Suo might get heavily injured. His martial brothers might realize the impact of their actions and finally retreat and make up.
Suo and Sappanwood:
Sappanwood can make a type of valuable red dye named brazilin.
The character of 'Su' (蘇) in JP also means resurrection, reviving, resuscitation, and rehabilitation.
The red pigment found in the sappanwood tree (brazilin) has also been used to treat wounds and ward off infections, encouraging faster healing.
Sappanwood isn’t as favoured for extracting dyes as brazilwood, though—the discovery of brazilwood led to a boom in red pigments due to its greater concentration, whereas sappanwood was much less saturated in comparison.
This is pure yappanese but maybe Suo sees himself as inferior compared to his brothers...
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That's the color of the dye sappanwood creates and that is the color of Suo's eye and his coral earring. I don't need to say anything more, right?
4. FALCON KICK 𓅃𓅃 FALCON PUNCH 𓅃𓅃
Rejoice!! We have made it to the next section of Suo's name at last!! I never thought I'd get here!!!! LET'S MAKE THIS QUICK (it's not quick).
Again, from the document that u/Snowy-kitten wrote, "隼" means 'falcon' and "飛" means 'fly/flight', spelling out "隼飛" lit. 'flying falcon'.
Reviewing the Symbolism Blargh Off This Page: (OG text has been slightly edited)
"The falcon represents vision, freedom, and victory. Hence, it also connotes salvation to those who are in bondage whether moral, emotional, or spiritual." <- I find it very interesting that many of Suo's symbolisms tie back to things relating to a new beginning/healing: salvation, revitalization, resurrection, a new hope, etc., which falls in line with his dream: the liberation of slaves. And look, I know this possibly means Suo breaking free of whatever chains down his heart, but ACTUALLY Suo will be stuck in 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 bondage and then be saved by EndoSaku. Trust me y'all I'm Nii Satoru's right-hand man
"In Christian symbolism, the wild falcon represents the unconverted, materialistic soul and its sinful thoughts and deeds. The tamed bird symbolizes the Christian convert pursuing his lofty thoughts, hopes, and aspirations with courage." <- I don't think Suo is wild or tame or Christian in particular, but you could take it as current-Suo suppressing and masking his true identity/emotions. And that actually makes sense when you remember how Suo nearly went Insanity.PNG during KEEL Arc and Sakura had to stop him from continuing to pummel a guy when he was down; when Sakura admitted he was pissed at himself and turned away Suo thought 'I really am no match for you'. On one hand, this could be explained extremely well if we view it from a Confucian + Suo's theory of adulthood lens which will be talked about later in Part 6. However, this could also symbolize Suo being bound in emotional chains and having... wtf, 'sinful thoughts'? That he's suppressing?? Maybe that's why he doesn't use his phone around people coz there's a bunch of 料 (blackmail) in there 🤣. And when Suo gets his arc I suppose he gets 'tamed' and is finally free to pursue his aspirations with courage (being with Furin and supporting Sakura), which will effectively act as another new beginning/his healing—further tying into his whole shtick surrounding resurrection revitalization healing salvation blah blah blah. (POV: the 'Suo has no Christian allusions' part comes to bite me back in the ass via. Taiping Rebellion parallels where an ethnically Han Chinese mf in Suo's triad or Noroshi proclaims to be "Endo's brother-in-christ" slash the brother of the WBK Jesus Christ. And then I kill myself)
"In Egyptian hieroglyphs, the falcon glyph was used in words and phrases such as 'god', 'pharaoh', 'greatness', 'year', 'sovereign', 'star', 'hour', 'prayer', 'land', and 'world'. It was associated with the deity of the sky, of kingship, and of the sun, Horus [...] In early dynasties, the king’s ascension was known as the “Flight of the Falcon”." <- Aha! AHA! YEAH MORE NOBILITY HOURS AND A DIRECT REFERENCE TO THE DEFINITION OF HAYATO. Okay. So. This is highly unlikely to happen but imagine Suo becomes the head of his triad branch. Or maybe this means that Suo is the heir to something lofty... deadass the fated ascension to big bad boss which he skedaddled from or was denied from, who knows?
"The Eye of Horus, the Egyptian symbol for the Sun, depicts a stylized falcon's eye and face markings. It signified royal power and protection from danger, evil, and ill health." <- More nobility/higher status allusions and illness-warding shit, typical Suo Hayato behavior.
"A human-headed falcon served as a symbol of the human soul on its flight from this world to the afterlife. Similarly, the crossed arms of Egyptian mummies were intended to symbolize the folded wings of a falcon at rest." <- And here we have more Suoshit related to afterlife-isms resurrection-isms and new beginnings-isms. Chat can I stop talking about Suo Hayato ... he's just a never-ending Pandora's 24-hour unboxing video...
"The sport of hunting with falcons was associated with nobility in Europe, Japan, and China, where falcons symbolized keen vision, boldness, and power." <- 'Takagari (鷹狩) is Japanese falconry, a sport of the noble class, and a symbol of their nobility, their status, and their warrior spirit.' - Wikipedia.
To continue with Wikipedia: In the 13th century, hawking became popular among the rising samurai class as well as among court nobles (kuge). At that time, the practice of hawking was a means of resolving struggles over land ownership among lords. <- This feels a little similar to the splitting of property mentioned in the Tianzhen brothers!
What's more interesting about falconry is that falcons typically wear 'falcon hoods' that blind them, which forces them to be calm.
The bird wears a hood, which is used in the manning process (acclimatizing to humans and the human world) and to keep the raptor in a calm state, both in the early part of its training and throughout its falconry career. Out of all the falconer's aids, the hood is the most important piece of equipment. There are various styles and types of hoods for raptors within falconry. The hood is handmade, often from kip leather or suitable kangaroo leather. —Wikipedia
Suo's eyepatch is made from leather as mentioned in his character sheet even though nowadays, a lot of eyepatches and most medical eyepatches are made with cloth and/or other adhesive materials.
What's more, a majority of traditional falconry gloves/gauntlets have tassels extremely close if not similar designs to the earrings Suo wears:
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Remember when Suo once mentioned that he had an 'ancient Chinese dragon spirit sealed away in his eye', hence the eyepatch? Maybe there's weight behind that joke because he might lose his composure if the eyepatch is taken away.
If Suo is a trained falcon belonging to his family—although he's 'flying' right now, either for a hunt or free roam—he's been educated in a way that eventually, he will always turn back and roost on the gloves of his master.
"The falcon was seen as the bird of Princes, the gyrfalcon the bird of Kings, and the eagle the bird of Emperors. [...] A falcon [would be released] at the funerals of Pharaohs. This illustrates the ancient view of raptors as intermediaries between the divine and eternal heavens and the mortal earth." <- The 'bird of Princes' part really makes me want to believe Suo is truly in a high-ranking and potentially triad-inheriting position of power; he could really be a 'prince' of sorts for his gang... The O (枋) in Suo can stand for a 'sturdy plank', and even 'raft/boat', which might symbolize him being a bridge of connection between the 'divine and eternal heavens' (his triad/family/whatever dude) and the 'mortal earth' (Furin).
"Furthermore, falcons are represented by the constellation Aquila [lit meaning eagle], as are all raptors. This constellation is said to confer the qualities of boldness, ambition, courage, liberty, generosity, penetrating vision, and a noble spirit, along with a gift for martial arts and the fabrication of weapons.
"This contrasts with a vulnerability to and enmity toward reptiles and their symbolic qualities of deceitfulness, underhandedness (venom), vindictiveness, and baseness of spirit.
[OP's Quick Interjection: from the source some mf added a little 'that aint falco' after the following part and I gotta agree. But also, falcons and eagles are both under raptors as birds of prey, and from what I've seen, Suo is the only known person in WBK so far to have a bird of prey in his name, so I'll still keep this here as food for thought—as well as a theory I have for later.]
"Reflecting this opposition, the battling eagle and serpent has been a motif from ancient times, common to Western, Eastern and New World civilizations. See classical Roman statuary, the ancient coat of arms of Mexico and the Garuda emblems of Indonesia, Thailand and Ulan Bator. The dichotomy can also be seen in the eagle and the rattlesnake competing to be symbols of the Revolutionary United States in the 18th century."
Right. So. I have a lot to say about this chunk. The first is the numerous stories of raptors, mainly eagles, and serpents/snakes, as well as my theory that the family Suo has been sworn into will feature new characters with birds of prey as their joining kanji.
I'll elaborate on the latter first because it's shorter: so far, out of all of the named and introduced people in WBK up till Rooftop Fight, not a single person except Suo contains the character of an animal capable of flight, much less a bird of prey.
The only person who comes remotely close to having birds as a symbol is Chika Takiishi and the full-page spread ft. his fight with Umemiya which u/Just_EveB theorized to be the karura, which originates from the Garuda in Hinduism (will also elaborate later). But even Chika doesn't have any bird radical in his name. Shishitoren isn't exempt from this; the gang known for people with animal radicals only contains land mammals and reptilians:
Tomoyama Choji (兎耳山 丁子) = rabbit
Togame Jo (十亀 条) = tortoise
Sako Kouta (佐狐 浩太) = fox
Arima Yukinari (有馬 雪成) = horse
Kanuma Minoru (鹿沼 稔) = ♫ Shikanokonokonokokoshitantan ♫
(There's also Inugami Teruomi who is a dog for "inu" but I CAN'T FIND HIS KANJI AND HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A WIKI PAGE??? FREE MY MAN!!!)
Even other characters who happen to have an animal in their name e.g. Hiiragi Toma (柊 登馬) (馬 -> horse) don't have an animal capable of flight, much less a bird of prey, and no one has the radical for bird (鳥).
Hence, I'm genuinely going to go out on a limb and say that the family Suo has sworn into—or his biological brothers or martial brothers or whatever fucked-up triad business he's in—will have characters containing '鳥' (bird) or one of the following in their names: 鷹、鵰、鳶、鵟、鷂、鴞、鵂鶹、魚鷹、鷲, which are respectively eagle, eagle but different*, kite, buteo, the birds that are under here, owl, collared owlet, osprey, and vulture. OR, if these family members have Chinese names instead of JP, it's plausible they have the same pinyin pronunciation as some of these.
*Btw, this is the difference between a 鷹 and a 鵰. Don't even ask me tbh
Next up, let's talk about the correlations between birds of prey and serpents. I did some scouring through the internet and dug up quite a lot of stuff.
Let's first establish that the only person so far who has been shown with serpent/snake imagery is none other than Endo Yamato himself.
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(And yes, I switched to desktop just to embed more images, I'm crying. Anyway, these panels are all taken from Chapters 144 and 145.)
The tattoo on Endo's neck, an infinity symbol, is derived from the ouroboros, a snake/serpent/dragon biting its own tail.
It symbolizes 'eternal cyclic renewal' or 'a cycle of life, death and rebirth'. Wow, so Suocore.
(BTW, in some religions... the ouroboros is also a fertility symbol. This just in: Suo, Sakura, and Endo are all ♂fertile♂)
I have so much more to say about Endo's tattoos but that's reserved for when I'm done with Suo Hayato... so let's go back to the topic of serpents and eagles and their tales.
Here's some prominent stuff I found:
Aesop's fable: This is the first example I managed to find. It's a story about how kindness will always be repaid. I honestly can't seem to think of a way this coincides with Suo/Suo's family/Endo etc. You can click on it to read the story yourself. Like, I think Endo's on a path to pseudo-redemption or at least 'potential future allies', and I can't see a reason why? He'd want to poison? Somebody?? Even 'figuratively'. Like, let's pretend my theory of Suo's family having birds of prey in their names is correct. Why would one of Suo's martial bros, or better yet the head honcho or something, swoop in to save this Countryman from Endoshittalk? But well, if anyone can think of anything, feel free to comment on it!!
Thus Spoke Zarathustra:
An eagle soared through the sky in wide circles, and on him there hung a serpent, not like prey but like a friend: for she kept herself wound around his neck. “These are my animals,” said Zarathustra and was happy in his heart. “The proudest animal under the sun and the wisest animal under the sun” […]
“That I might be wiser! That I might be wise through and through like my serpent! But there I ask the impossible: so I ask my pride that it always go along with my wisdom. And when my wisdom leaves me one day—alas, it loves to fly away—let my pride then fly with my folly.”
Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, “Zarathustra's Prologue,” translated by Walter Kaufmann.
This is something that also came up, yet this is a more different example compared to the beginning—instead of feuding, the eagle and snake are in harmony, representing the mind and body becoming one, as well as taken from u/__Can__ from the linked Reddit post detailing what they symbolize:
It represents the highest strivings/capacities in man (eagle) and the lowest and more earthly/instinctive faculties (serpent). They are not opposed to one another but are rather one. Just like the other metaphor Nietzsche used, the tree (thought as the self-actualizing man) that if it wants to grow towards heaven (the highest in man) has to have its roots deep beneath the earth in the dark and evil layers of the psyche so to speak. You have to integrate your obscure and evil side in order to become whole.
There's a lot of tree imagery that I'm not really familiar with but know exists in WBK... such as that time Sakura's branch was nearly snapped off by Endo. To me this feels more like a general 'concept' that can be written into the story rather than an important foreshadowing towards future arcs ... plus I haven't read the book so I can't commentate on the philosophies of Nietzsche, so far the only thing I know about him is that he is one of the philosophers outspoken on overcoming Nihilism... taken from a deleted Reddit user:
People who haven’t read or understood Nietzsche think he is a nihilist, which is a bit understandable as his thought is complex, and he was a devastating critic of both dominant and trendy movements/institutions and their values. I believe he once described himself as a maggot that goes into a wound to eat away at the decaying flesh to clean it out. He also described himself as philosophizing with a hammer. In many ways, he is one of the intellectual fathers of postmodern deconstructionism. Which can often border on the nihilistic, but Nietzsche wasn’t simply trying to tear everything we believed in down for its own sake, his intention was to make things better.
From a site (really good read about Nietzsche and Buddhism):
Nietzsche aimed to overcome nihilism by affirming the unconditional embrace of existence. For him, life was not to be denied but rather created by one’s own value system, and built on the foundation of understanding that there is no inherent meaning in the universe. Nishianti describes this process as “dying the great death in the abyss of nihility and coming back to life again” (1983, 233). In doing so, active nihilism becomes a transitional stage rather than an end in itself. It is the abyss into which we must descend, “the darkest night before the dawn” (Nietzsche, 1968, 12). It is through the experiential stages of active nihilism that an individual strives for the heights of the ideal being, the übersmench. He asserted that living by one’s own ‘noble morality’ is characterized as a vigorous, free, and joyful existence, ruled by an innate “will to overpower, and will to rule” (1968, 16). From his works, it is evident that Nietzsche detested the weak and humble man who sought to escape the realities of life.
I can somewhat link Nietzsche's theories on nihilism with the process of creating the Philosopher's Stone (nigredo, albedo, citrinitas, rubedo), which is suuuuper interesting because Endo has vaguely alchemic symbols tattooed onto him. But again I'm digressing.
Norse Mythology [1] and [2]: According to ancient Norse mythology, the World Tree Yggdrasil has an unnamed eagle at the top and a serpent/dragon named Nidhogg at the bottom, and beneath the eagle there is a hawk named Vedrfolnir, standing for '"storm pale", "wind bleached", or "wind-witherer". Between them, there is also a squirrel named Ratatoskr who carries messages between the eagle and Nidhogg.
From Wikipedia: In historical Viking society, 'níð'(nid) was a term for a social stigma, implying the loss of honor and the status of a villain. Thus, its name might refer to its role as a horrific monster in its action of chewing the corpses of the inhabitants of Náströnd: those guilty of murder, adultery, and oath-breaking.
It's faster to just attach images of me and my friend tweaking:
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I might one day do a separate post about Norsestuff and Furin because this is really interesting.
This entire Reddit comment section: Talks about the historical significance of the eagle and the snake in tales, depictions, etc. From u/Wayrin:
This symbol goes way way way back. There are depictions of eagles with snakes going back to Babylon and Elam around 3000 BCE. Of course the image was borrowed by everyone and the Egyptians saw it as Horus defeating Seth. Similarly Ahura Mazda was depicted as an eagle and Ahriman as a dragon. The Greeks borrowed the idea of the eagle as a symbol of resurrection from later Egyptian tradition and then it starts popping up everywhere. India, Indonesia, Rome and all over the Mediterranean. Most of these traditions use the Eagle to represent some great good. Usually a god related to the sun combating the forces of evil the snake. We believe the symbol to be borrowed and expanded (except for Mesoamerica) since they have so many commonalities. A lot of the stories have the Serpent winning over the Eagle before the Eagle triumphs. If you can access it, this is my source "Eagle and Serpent. A study in the Migration of Symbols." It was written in 1939 though so take it with a grain of salt.
And from u/tonycmyk, about ancient Mesopotamia:
[...] The snake/serpent has always represented the giving of knowledge to humans and the connection to earth. The eagle has always represented power over the earth and war. And this symbolism can be traced back through every ancient culture we know of and probably the ones we don’t. Powerful stuff.
Something not related to Suo: So about the Karura... the theorized demon JoJo stand that Chika has in the spread originated under 'Garuda' in Hinduism. You can read more about Garudas VS. Nagas here and the common point between Karuras and Garudas is that they're both depicted as people who feud constantly with dragons/serpents/snakes. In Hinduism, though, Nagas aren't depicted as evil like in Christianity. (And they're also a symbol of fertility... Endo's more ♂fertile♂ than Suo confirmed...)
5. Final Closing Notes on Suo
So, in summary, what do I think about Suo?
... What do I think about Suo... (crushing the chopsticks in my hand) I have multiple proposals as to what Suo is doing in Furin and what's going on with his family. And other Suostuff in general.
Falcon flying away: - To me, I see this as Suo leaving the family for a brief period, similar to how falconers can train their falcons to hunt but inevitably return to their owner. - If Suo's arc involves him cutting ties with his family, then this part could also symbolize Suo's desire to leave his original background behind in favor of Furin. - If the falcon symbolizes Suo's family as a whole, then this could represent the downfall of Suo's triad/noble family too, or that they're conducting some of their business elsewhere from their place of origin (*suspiciously Chinese ringtone starts to echo from my phone holder*)
u/Snowy-kitten's traitor Suo theory: Suo could be a spy in Furin. He could be scoping out the area for his own triad/gang/whatever. But what's most curious is the already-existing relevance between Endo and Suo that u/Snowy-kitten pointed out: Suo’s given name and Endo’s given name, Hayato and Yamato respectively are the names of two ancient Japanese tribes. [...] The Hayato is a tribe of ancient Japanese people that existed during the Nara period. The Yamato is another tribe of ancient Japanese people that existed alongside the Hayato. The Hayato frequently resisted the Yamato rule until the year 720 when the Hayato rebellion broke out. It was a rebellion of the Hayato against the Yamato. The rebellion ended in the year 721 with the Yamato being victorious. The interesting thing about the name 'Yamato' as u/Snowy-kitten also mentions is that its kanji (哉真斗) holds almost no meaning in JP. In Chinese, though, this can more or less translate to an expression, 'Ah, a real fight!' as '哉' in classical Chinese can be translated into an exclamation of sorts (「哉」可表示感嘆、疑問及反問語氣,相等於「啊」、「呢」、「嗎」), the '真' translates to 'real/true', and the '斗' (or 鬥 in trad) translates to 'fight'. So in the end, the Serpent VS. Eagle thing might happen in the form of Endo fighting Suo himself or Endo fighting one of Suo's family members.
Tsuge-chan and Suo: Remember this part?
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Yeah, so, wtf was that? Fun facts on Tsuge's name from u/Snowy-kitten again (thank you bro you're saving my life):
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I feel like Tsuge is going to be interlinked with Suo's backstory, that maybe he knows something more about Suo's 'family' than anyone in Furin should. Whether or not the XL river in Tsuge's name can be crossed with a bridge from another character's name or not... IDK we'll see if said bridge can be crossed when we get to it or burnt in favor of Suo lol... because Suo mentions bridge building in his character song gg
My final hard read on Suo's arc (take this with 2 mouthfuls of salt): - Suo will be called away briefly and leaves Furin either without notice or on short notice. He might leave behind enough clues to let Furin know why or where he's going. Or he might leave none at all, and Tsuge has to guess and explain what's most likely going on. - Endo might have to fight Suo in some way. Or he ends up fighting Suo's older martial siblings (the 'eagle') and triumphs over them. - If the oldest is truly the 'eagle', then there will be a younger one, the second-in-command, the 'hawk', like in Norse mythology. - I might come up with more stuff and I'll edit this into here as time comes.
6. I Lied
Suo isn't over. We still have to talk about how well he fulfills the shit we learnt in the HKDSE about our goat Johnny Hung's virtues/morals/principles.
So anyway, this is Johnny Hung our fucking GOAT!!!!!:
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AKA Confucius lmao. Sorry it's an inside joke
This man is the reason I had to memorize so much classical Chinese sayings and literature that eventually culminated into Knowledge for the Suopost. It was all built towards this moment :( Let's start with an explanation of 論仁、論孝、論君子 as well as 五倫/四端!
...User Pyschicwavementality, wtf is this?
(Stares at you with the most depressed, sick, and haunted eyes) Chinese lore.
I will sadly not be sane if I explained every single one of these sayings to you guys. (Mutters) I mean I did have to memorize all of them back in the day but I'd kms elaborating on all of them so. I'm just going to take the relevant ones that could tie into Suo's character.
Let me first establish: the core of Confucianism revolves around "仁、義、禮、智、信、恕、忠、孝、悌". The arguably quote unquote """""important""""" ones (to today's discussion and in What I Learnt in general anyway) would be 仁義禮智信 and also 孝, of which I will now try? My best? To explain?? Please forgive me I learned everything in Chinese and it's really hard to do an accurate translation/analysis without going deep into culture and history 😭
CLASSICAL CHINESE 101
仁:This is read as rén. It is like... altruism, betterment, and love, I guess? Rén is how you interact with people, it is the innate connection and bond and interaction between human beings. (人與人之間互相關懷,尤其以關愛自己的親人最為重要。) It is respect and love and doing good deeds and Kind deeds out of our inner Goodness in our hearts. It is born from our inner individual and it affects our actions and what we do. We aim to always be a 'jūnzǐ' (君子)in Confucianism, someone who embodies all of Confucianism as the "self-improving and good-hearted" individual. To be empathetic and the kindest/most altruistic and loving person to one and all; to treat everyone equally from our innate Goodness—that is more or less rén. In the ideal society of Confucianism, everyone practices rén. This would mean society would always be harmonious.
義:this is read is yì. It is morality, justice, and helping others when in need. It is doing what is right and according to rén.
禮:this is lǐ. It is respect, treating people with manners, following social rules under rén, showing filial piety to your parents and elders, etc.
智:this is zhì. It is the pursuit of knowledge, creation, innovation, and improvement. It is having the intelligence to separate right/wrong and good/evil.
信:this is read as xìn. It is to have faith and belief in our beliefs and pursuits and our governing body. It is also integrity, honesty, and truthfulness. Whether it be a person, an organization, a business, or a government, they must have integrity as their core value.
(Additional) 孝:this is read as xiào and is essentially filial piety. Confucius believed that respect and love towards our parents should not be seen as an 'obligation', but rather something inner from the heart. There are four 'levels' of xiào: 孝順、孝敬、孝養、孝承 (xiàoshùn, xiàojìng, xiàoyǎng, xiàochéng). This is super complicated to go through so if you're bored and have tons of free time on your hands, feel free to run this PDF through a translator to get a better idea on what xiào is.
To get an idea on xiào, Confucius said that, if our parents became old and we only send them food and money, this is no different from raising a dog or a horse (孝養). He says, "Without respect (敬), where is there a difference?". When his disciples asked what we must do to respect (敬) our parents, he answered "We must not turn our backs on them [or more specifically, do not turn our backs on lǐ (etiquette)]. We serve them according to etiquette while alive; bury and commemorate according to etiquette after death."
But anyway, in turn, parents must also treat their children with all the above-mentioned virtues and said parents need to respect their parents with the same attitude as well. In theory, this goes both ways.
There's also Mencius' beliefs branched from Confucius' teachings (still part of Confucianism):
惻隱之心:read as 'cèyǐn zhī xīn'. This is your innate ability to feel compassion and empathy. Some people always see the "evil" around them and fail to see the goodness inside people and thus choose to be "evil" in turn. Mencius, one of Confucius' disciples, believed everyone was born kind and carried compassion. For those who are unfortunate, people will sympathize with them out of their own kindness; for those who are weak, people will have compassion for them and reach out to help them. He believed that people should never abandon their inner kindness, as kind people will always be rewarded by the kindness of others.
是非之心:read as 'shìfēi zhī xīn'. This is the innate ability to differentiate right and wrong actions as well as morally incorrect/correct decisions others make and reflect on them to judge why it is wrong and what not to do.
羞惡之心:read as 'xiūwù zhī xīn'. This is the innate ability to feel shame and guilt for making mistakes or doing things that are not following lǐyí (禮儀). It is also feeling scorn/disgust for others who do not follow lǐyí (禮儀).
辭讓之心:read as 'círàng zhī xīn'. This is the innate ability to feel thankful when others do something kind towards you, and you will feel like you need to pay it forward. It is giving others opportunities in exchange of your own and taking a step back to put others in mind first.
There's also the concept of inter-relationship hierarchy from the foundations of filial piety, which stipulates the order of respect should go from 君臣、父子、夫婦、兄弟、朋友 -> Lord/Emperor & Gov., Father-Son, Husband-Wife, Brothers, and Friends
Additional aid via. translations of my super helpful diagrams I made ages and ages ago about how to differentiate 仁義禮智:
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(2) Analogy: POV you are in Ancient China and you see an elderly man killing a random guy
(3) Because you have 惻隱之心 (cèyǐn), you feel pitiful for the guy being killed. Because you have 是非之心 (shìfēi), you can judge and realize why the elderly man killing the guy is wrong. Because you have 羞惡之心 (xiūwù), you feel angry that the elderly man is killing the guy.
(4) Because in Ancient China, the lǐ [social rules] is to respect your elders [filial piety], but because the elderly man is doing something not in accordance with lǐ and yì (禮儀) [social rules and justice], you will do what is right (the lǐ action) and stop the elderly man from getting killed.
(5) Think: your choice to act and do correctly and the correct act itself is yì; your heart's inner compassion is rén; your ability to tell if the situation is in accordance with lǐyí (禮儀) or not is zhì; and the environmental/social rules = lǐ, e.g. respecting your elders. When you do actions that are not fulfilling yì, you feel guilty because you have 羞惡之心 (xiūwù). Rén is inner moral/virtue requirements [to be a 君子 jūnzǐ),whereas yì is your outward action.
(6) Oh, and don't forget: 羞惡之心 (xiūwù) is feeling disgusted/hateful when you see others do something not in accordance with 禮儀 (lǐyì). If you do non-lǐyì things yourself, you will feel ashamed.
(7) Adding on to the last sentence in (5), 'rén' is not a requirement; it is inner 'love' exuded from the heart. If you are forced or required to do so, that is not 'rén', that is 'duty'.
So how does this all tie into Suo Hayato?
(Shakes my fist full of documents) so this is where I start CRAZYMAXXING.
If you also lovehate this man you might have already made some connections between Suo and the above few values I've described. Otherwise let me elaborate: when dear old Niisato made Suo to be the most stereotypically Chinese lad ever, he also managed to include a shitton upstanding moral traits that a jūnzǐ (君子) would have, essentially making Suo an amazing representation of core Confucian beliefs (so far as of writing this post in my theory state of mind).
When Suo talks about 'growing up' or taking the steps to adulthood, he mentions one of the most important core values being able to make your imagination reality as well as empathy.
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You could actually simplify rén into putting yourself in another person's shoes to see/think/feel from their perspective, and one famous saying from Confucius is to wish no harm to come upon others that you do not wish to come upon you, which ties in with Kanuma mocking the fallen Shishitoren member and only starting to feel panicked once he realizes the same harm was going to happen to him. ("己所不欲,勿施於人。")
Suo also insinuates the ability to chase your goals and turn them from dreams into reality is another part of 'attaining adulthood'. You can boil this down to being able to fulfill what you say/living up to your claims/fulfilling your beliefs. Honesty and integrity also play a major role in Confucian beliefs. There are a few sayings under xìn '信‘ that Confucius said about this:
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5.1 A jūnzǐ (君子) must be mindful of what they say and do things swiftly/efficiently/quickly. 5.2 A jūnzǐ (君子) does not endorse a person just because he speaks favorably, nor does he reduce a man's worth just because he has a bad impression of him. 5.3 A jūnzǐ (君子) will feel shameful if he cannot go through with what he said he will do. 5.4 [Text Before Image] If one's name/renown is not righteous, his speech will not be reasonable; if one's speech is not reasonable, he will not be able to accomplish anything. If things are not accomplished, the law will not be able to reach into one's heart; if the law cannot reach people, the punishment will not be fair; if the punishment is unfair, the common people will be at a loss. [Text In Image] Therefore, leaders must be steadfast and reasonable in both what they do and what they say. When leaders speak, they must not be careless (read: 'whatever' energy) or rash.
^^ When you translate this, doesn't this essentially reflect Umemiya as a leader? Which also falls in line with Suo seeing Ume as his ideal 'picture' for adulthood and further aligning w/Suo's statement of 'making your imagination reality'?
It doesn't end here though...!!!
KEEL ARC! When Suo got PISSED as hell seeing his friends around him hurt, Sakura had to step in to stop Suo from losing composure in Chapter 50 | Extreme Emotions. Remember when I talked about explaining how this could be understood SO WELL from a Confucian lens in Part 4?
What Sakura said: 'I'm pissed as all hell at myself. I was talking big [I can 'em all on my own], and look what's happened. But getting pissed off isn't gonna help. We need to focus on what we have to do.'
(Pokes my finger at statement 5.3 and 5.4)
This ABSOLUTELY makes Suo's reaction called for ("I really am no match for you") because right now Sakura is embodying the core values of Confucianism better than Suo was moments prior. In that moment, Sakura was the one closer to being a jūnzǐ (君子). At that moment, Suo was the one who should've been learning and modeling after him.
Remember 羞惡之心 (xiūwù)? It is feeling disgusted/hateful when you see others do something not in accordance with 禮儀 (lǐyì). If you do non-lǐyì things yourself, you will feel ashamed.
Suo was disgusted/hateful at the KEEL member for hurting his friends. He may have reflected and felt shame when Sakura came up to stop him.
It's still not over though!
Suo has consistently shown contempt for those who are older than him yet do not practice the same values of 仁義禮智信! Another one of the major Suo moments:
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"Goodness... How self-centered. Even to the very end. To teach others, you need to engage with their feelings and support them to stand on their own two feet for the first time." — Suo Hayato on the most Confucian thing he could say at the moment
How self-centered:
顏淵問仁。子曰:「克己復禮為仁。一日克己復禮,天下歸仁焉。為仁由己,而由人乎哉?」 [1] 顏淵曰:「請問其目。」子曰:「非禮勿視,非禮勿聽,非禮勿言,非禮勿動。」 [2] 顏淵曰:「回雖不敏,請事斯語矣。」(《顏淵》第十二)
(HIGHLIGHTED = TRANSLATED BELOW; EDITED MTL)
[1] "Rén is to restrain one's selfish desires and to conduct oneself in an honorable manner. Once you have done this, all the people of the world will submit to your benevolence and virtue. The fulfillment of rén depends entirely on oneself. How could it depend on others?"
[2] "How do you practice rén?" "Do not look; listen; speak; or do things not in accordance with lǐ."
Already, gymnast-guy has violated the above.
To teach others [...]:
"與人交,推其長者,讳其短者,故能久也。"
"When interacting with people, you should pay attention to discovering and promoting others' strengths, rather than always pointing out other people's shortcomings." [MTL]
Confucius was known to be a very open and benevolent teacher. He did not require students to pay fees; he simply wanted your desire to learn. Suo's really open with teaching Nirei and he matches the teaching style of Johnny Hung really well <3 He's very positive and uplifting when it comes to Nirei. Personally, I also like to believe Suo also sees a younger or past version of himself in Nirei which adds more layers to his intrigue...
Scroll back up to the part where I had three Instagram stories explaining how 仁義禮智 linked with Mencius' additions if you forgot about it. You can re-read what I said regarding the example of seeing an old man killing someone.
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Then the gymnast guy talks about 'discipline', and Suo has a vision of his master, which he adds with: "'Discipline', 'training and passing down your teachings'... Okay! I've got a question, sensei! How are you supposed to act when you go barging into another person's home?"
(He's pissed.)
Rewording [2] from my Instagram Story Explanation: Because you have 惻隱之心 (cèyǐn), you feel pitiful for Furin getting invaded and fighters/friends getting hurt. Because you have 是非之心 (shìfēi), you can judge and realize why the Noroshi invading Furin is wrong. Because you have 羞惡之心 (xiūwù), you feel angry that Noroshi is invading Furin.
And once again, just like from KEEL: 羞惡之心 (xiūwù) is feeling disgusted/hateful when you see others do something not in accordance with 禮儀 (lǐyì).
For someone older to be breaking 禮儀 (lǐyì) and speaking on how Suo's 'similar to him' and how he's having 'fun', this was The singularly most awful thing gymnast-guy could've done at the moment as someone Suo is meant to respect according to the age/skill hierarchy in Chinese culture. Not to mention the gymnast guy establishes himself indirectly as a 'teacher' in this scenario by using the phrase 'discipline'. It's even crazier when you realize that Confucianism explicitly believes that anyone can be a teacher to you because you do not know everything. There's literally a story about Confucius speaking with a 7-year-old who spoke so much facts that Confucius himself recognized the kid as a teacher. Suo taunting the guy asking what he could learn from the gymnast is NUTS.
Some other quotes that I think really match Suo's character:
子曰:「君子病無能焉,不病人之不己知也。」(《衞靈公》第十五)
“A jūnzǐ (君子) worries that he himself is incapable, and not that others do not understand him.”
子曰:「君子不重則不威;學則不固。主忠信。無友不如己者。過則勿憚改 。」(《學而》第一)
"If a jūnzǐ (君子) is not steadfast/solemn/decisive, he will not be dignified; and what he learns will not be stable. Maintain loyalty and integrity as your main principles. Do not make friends with people who have lower moral standing than you/who are not as good as you are, and do not be afraid to correct your mistakes."
Final Theory Pitch: "Death By Betrayal"
"Death By Betrayal" in Suo Hayato's name based on the symbolism of the Chinese redbud might make one immediately think of his master and his family. Perhaps Suo's teacher passed and Suo's embodying his master's teachings, or his family has backstabbed/been backstabbed. If we go down the route of Suo still being an active triad member, then this may talk about his triad being betrayed and Suo having to briefly live/train with his master under a new identity. If Suo's former martial siblings (whom he respects, by the way, literally so xiào) want to reform the group, Suo might force them to align with his current set of values (which are extremely similar to Furin too—to protect the common people) and avoid harming innocents.
From another point of view this can also symbolize the "death" of Suo Hayato's former character, where instead he was the one who turned his backs on his clan/family first. Either to learn from his master who may or may not be dead, or to escape his supposed triad ties.
There is another piece of classical literature that I can yap about: 《魚我所欲也》. Here's a quickest translation of it possible:
“魚,我所欲也,熊掌,亦我所欲也;二者不可得兼, 舍魚而取熊掌者也。生亦我所欲也,義亦我所欲也;二者不可得兼, 舍生而取義者也。
"Fish, I desire it; bear paw [rare and believed to have medicinal properties], I also desire it. If I cannot obtain both at once, then I will sacrifice the fish for the bear paw. Life, I desire it; yì [to do morally correct/upstanding/good things], I also desire it; if I cannot obtain two at once, then I will sacrifice my life for yì.
生亦我所欲,所欲有甚於生者,故不為苟得也; 死亦我所惡,所惡有甚於死者, 故患有所不辟也。 如使人之所欲莫甚於生,則凡可以得生者,何不用也 ? 使人之所惡莫甚於死者,則凡可以辟患者,何不為也 ?由是則生而有不用也,由是則可以辟患而有不為 也,是故所欲有甚於生者,所惡有甚於死者。非獨賢者有是心也,人皆有之,賢者能勿喪耳。
Life is something that I want, but there is something I want more than life [yì]! so I will not be greedy for immediate survival. Death is something I hate, but there is something I hate more than death [not fulfilling yì], so I will not avoid the evil that comes my way. If there is nothing that men love more than life, why do they not use whatever means they have to live? If there is nothing that men hate more than death, why do they not use any means of avoiding evil? By these means may we live, but some do not use them; and by these means may we avoid evil, but some are unwilling to do so.
Thus (it can be proved) that there are things that people want more than life, and there are things that people hate more than death. It is not only the 賢者 (virtuous man) that has this nature—all men have this innate nature, but the virtuous man can preserve and maintain it.
一簞食,一豆羹,得之則生,弗得則死 。
A serving of food, a bowl of soup; if you obtain it, you will live. If you do not obtain it, you will die.
嘑爾而與之,行道之人 弗受;蹴爾而與之,乞人不屑也;萬鍾則不辯禮義而受之。
Giving this to someone while mocking and hollering at them, normal people (people on the road) will not accept it because they feel disrespected; stepping on it before giving it to someone, a beggar would not accept it because it is unclean. The temptation (t/n: 萬鐘 is similar to 'bad temptations' or 'great benefits') for benefits: one will not differentiate whether or not it is aligned according to yì [etiquette/moral ethics] before obtaining it.
萬鍾於我何加焉?為宮室之美、妻妾之奉、所識窮乏者得我與?鄉為身死而不 受,今為宮室之美為之;鄉為身死而不受,今為妻妾之奉為之;鄉為 身死而不受,今為所識窮乏者得我而為之,是亦不可以已乎?此之謂 失其本心。"
What do these benefits have that can help me? For a beautiful house, many wives, and for the recognition and thanks from poor people? In the past, one would sacrifice their life before accepting these benefits; but now, for a beautiful house, many wives, and the recognition and thanks from poor people, they will accept temptation. Can we not stop this? This is the act of losing one’s trait [of sacrificing your life for the greater good]."
A summary of this thinking would be to "捨生取義", lit. 'sacrifice your life to obtain yì/the greater good'.
It is completely possible that Suo, when raised or sworn into the triad, was taught by his master (either in secret or after he briefly leaves) about the importance of 'upholding the ultimate good', which may have caused him to realize his triad—which may or may not prey on the weak—does not align with his moral worldviews any more.
To escape, Suo could've decided to fake his death or leave behind his old self and turn his back as betrayal, which ties into his 'noble' symbolism and 'flying falcon' name in Hayato.
But tbh, I'm inclined to believe Suo's master was on okay terms with the triad because he/she had long hair. Suo's hair, as I've stated elsewhere, could be short due to hair being used as a major symbolism device in WBK as a way to say he's tried to leave his past.
Yet some things may be unable to be broken away from so easily, and Suo, a trained falcon, might be unable to leave behind everything. He was likely loyal since a young age and unconsciously finds himself lingering on old sentiments. Maybe his earrings are gifts from his master. Maybe his eyepatch is from his triad/family.
Still, Suo being from a criminal family and having distaste for Noroshi/KEEL is really interesting because we can see that he doesn't enjoy it when people lack empathy or cause pain to others. You’d expect him to react more to Choji’s gang because of their “violence for violence’s sake” going against his whole empathy tangent, but Suo seems to hate it more when someone finds interest in violence for meaning’s sake or violence for profit’s sake. I think Suo understands Shishitoren is built off violence to become stronger (<- literally the WBK OST), and everyone in SSTR seems to mutually be okay with this in-fighting. There's also a big difference between Suo clashing with SSTR and the other: he hasn't forged as deep of a bond with Furin compared to vs. KEEL and vs. Noroshi, and the latter two have made active attempts at hurting Furin through morally corrupt means (beating Nagato up and taking over Furin for personal gain).
Suo could've developed this sort of morality to distance himself from his family, who may have gotten infamous/profited off similar methods. (<- and this is really funny because Confucius has ALSO said that a jūnzǐ (君子) should not accept wealth or escape poverty if it wasn't achieved through morally correct means. A jūnzǐ (君子) cannot turn his back on rén in the span of a meal, and this remains true even during hasty and urgent times + when one is poor/wandering/living in tough conditions.)
A possible timeline:
-Suo is born to a rich family, possibly wealthy through a criminal empire.
-Suo dislikes his family because of his morals (may not have happened), and his family may dislike him back because he is considered “weak” (could explain why he’s the one who offers to help Nirei or why empathy as an adult is so important to him). Or, he's a super loyal lapdog and hella admires his brothers. Maybe they're the only good guys in the triad. Maybe they're really bad and Suo's also really bad. Suo might have two wolves inside him... the Confucian morals vs. Organized crime persona
-Suo studies Chinese fighting techniques and philosophy with someone (possibly a figure outside his family)
-Suo's family and/or mentor is betrayed/Suo betrays them
-Suo has to escape and create a new identity fully based off of his Confucian learnings.
...
And with that, I've said almost everything I need to say on the topic of Suo Hayato.
It totally didn't take 10,000 words or anything.
What's up next in Part 2?
I'll be writing Endo's version of this post and include some Suo-Endo joint theories and/or notes. Things to look forward to include Endo, Christianity, and alchemy... And maybe I'll even start yapping about the 0.2472983% potential Daoist/Taoist influence Sakura has.
I'll be back in 1 business century!
(Bonus) out of context convos and quotes my friend and I have said during the process of writing this that may foreshadow Part 2 or something:
Me: Picture Endo being Chinese too but it's Mainlander vs HK [Suo] beef
Me: WHO'S THE TAIWANESE 😭😭😭 IS IT UME??? HE HAS PLUM BLOSSOMS
Nakama: Okay so (crackposting) it's choji because of TW's association with the sun
Me: What if it's Chiitan [Chika Takiishi] and we get the Mainland x TWnese "forbidden" romance...
Me: But anyway I find it devastating choji would say cao ni ma wo che ne and its not even ooc
Me: ...Shit now I can imagine endo with a strong beijinger accent
Nakama: ...yamato儿(er) endo儿(er)
Nakama: ....chiika儿(er) takiishi儿(er)
Nakama: ...sakuraur harukaur
Me: endo going BEJINGRR WELCOMES YOU
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"You not only ate, you devourered that like you were unaccountably peckish." —Nakama-kun 2024
Nakama: Waiting very politely for ur suopost to show up
Me: It might tonight, I'm typing like a keyboard warrior rn
Me: When u wake up it might be posted 😎
—A lie quoted from the 17th Aug 2024 at 3:57 PM GMT+8, a whopping one month and seven days ago.
"Y'know maybe suo's from oklahoma" —Me, delirious, 2024
The Suo Post's TLDR:
"WE NEED TO KILL HIM FOR BEING TOO CHINESE"
—User psychicwavementality after 1 month of crying in voice messages about Suo Hayato.
(Total word count: 11,781 words. Part One, scene!)
39 notes · View notes
prettypinkporkchop · 3 days
Note
Love u hunny❤️ love reading ur stories can I request one where Paul was ur bully in high school and u haven’t seen him since graduation where he made u cry then u see him at the grocery store and try to avoid him but he sees u and when u make eye contact he starts following u everywhere but of course u don’t forgive him to easy u make him work for it until he’s begging on his knees for u
I LOVE YOU TOO BABES! I GOTCHU!
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Flashback:
You sit outside at the Cullen's house. Your party dress is soaked with beer because Paul poured it on you. You are crying, waiting for your parent to pick you up.
Paul tried to flirt with you, but to him, you turned out to be a prude. Now, he hates you. Your outfits are ugly. You're ugly, at least that's what he says.
His favorite things to do are taunt you. Fake flirt with you and laugh with his friends. He bumps into you and makes you fall on the floor.
One time, he bought you a drink from the vending machine, but he put mentos in it, so it exploded in your face.
Now:
You're holding the basket, looking at meats to cook. You feel eyes on the back of your head. It confuses you, so you turn and make eye contact with Paul Lahote.
Your heart speeds up, and you hold your breath. You quickly turn away and drop your basket. You're not even worried about anything else but leaving.
You run out, turning back to see Paul walking quickly. You speed up and get inside your car. You look back to see he stopped and is watching you.
--------
You open your door and slam it shut. You slide down, breathing really hard in panic. You start sobbing.
You thought moving further away from Forks would save you. You were so wrong.
You hear a knock on your door. You jump up up and answer the door.
Paul.
Paul.
Paul.
"I'm sorry. For everything." He says. You slam the door in his face.
You back away slowly. But you can hear him behind the door. "I need to talk to you. This is important." He says.
You ignore him completely. You walk away from your door and take a deep breath in and out. Suddenly, you feel the urge to actually let him speak. But, you're scared. But you two aren't teens anymore. Come on. Suck it up.
You step to the door and open it. Paul's face lights up. God, he looks so different. His hair is cut, and he's so... big.
"What do you have to say?" You lean on the door.
He looks over every detail of your face in awe of you. He coughs slightly and then shifts his feet. "I just want to say I regret the things I've said and done to you. They aren't right at all. I've changed, and I was really hoping I could make it up to you." He doesn't lose eye contact.
Your hands start to sweat. Is he for real right now? You have to gather all of the words you want to say. It takes a few minutes of staring at his face before it comes to you. "Paul, look. I appreciate whatever you're trying to do here, but you've hurt me. You've hurt me a lot. I still to this day feel like I'm nothing. And it's solely on you." You were surprised by how you stood up. You seemed so confident, but deep down, you wanted to curl in a ball and hide.
You notice a change in his face. He looks genuinely upset and guilty. His wipes over his face, and then his fingers hold his chin before falling next to his side. "I understand. I know. I'll do whatever I can to fix this." He says.
"Why do you want to? Why are you here?" You ask with attitude.
"Because, seeing you again, I realized something. I don't want you to hurt. You're not supposed to hurt around me or because of me."
You are confused as hell and don't understand what he means by that. He notices your confusion and then reaches out his hand for you to shake.
"I will tell you everything you need to know. But can you please give me a chance to start over with you." He begs.
You stare at his hand. He's so attractive. The way his veins and muscles look. Damn it, Lahote! Why now?
You shake your head and back away. "No. Not now." You shut the door.
You walk into your room and lay in your bed.
The next day, you wake up and check your phone. You have a message from an unsaved number.
Number: ayo, it's Quil. Remember me? Haha. Well, I was just wondering if this is still your number from school. If it is, hello! Can we talk about something?
Quil Ateara?! What?!
You haven't changed your number in years. This is a weird surprise. Quil was a good friend of yours. Along with Jacob, Embry, and Bella. You haven't spoken to any of them in YEARS.
You: Hey! Long time, friend. It's still me. What's up?
Quil: awesome! Well first off, how ya been?
You: I've been good. Moved out of the house when I turned 19. I have a good job. Life is peaceful. How are you?
Quil: well, a lot has changed. A looottttt. But it's okay! I heard you ran into Paul.
You: how do you know?
Quil: he told me. We are good friends now. Trust me, he's not the same guy he was back in school.
You: it was good talking to you. Lmk if you need anything.
You left it at that. What the hell?
You get out of bed and get ready for the day. You sit on your computer, doing check-ins for your job.
Your phone rings so you answer it. "Yup?" You ask.
"Hey, can you come into the office today? I have a side quest for you." Your coworker giggles. Oh gosh, Jessica. What does she need now?
"Well, I was supposed to work at home today. What do you need?" You ask.
"Girl, our boss is so flirting with me. I need backup. Should I ask him out?" She whispers.
You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. "Jess, he's like 50. And that's not even allowed!" You laugh.
"Please come in!" She begs.
The drama would be fucking hilarious to see. "Fine." You say.
You head out of the house and go to the office. You park in your usual parking spot. A truck you've never seen before pulls up next to you. You squint to see who it is. They get out of the truck and it's fucking PAUL.
"Paul, what are you doing here?" You sigh in annoyance.
"I just wanted to give this to you." He says, walking around the car to you. It's your favorite flower. Did he remember your presentation in biology?
"Oh, thank you. I've got to go inside." You take it from him and turn around to walk inside. You're smiling, enjoying the attention Paul is giving you.
He's always been attractive to you, but now, it's extra. You can tell he has changed. But, you're not ready to get over the past yet.
You go inside and head to Jessica's station. She's not there. You look over to see everyone huddled over at the boss' door, listening.
Oh yeah, she got fired.
----
You get home from the store and notice a note on your door. You grab it and read it.
"Y/n, I think you're a wonderful person. I'm sorry and I'll say it forever."
The note actually made your heart soften for him. But, you can't give in.
----
You're at work, typing away. It's been a terrible day. Since Jessica got fired, all of her jobs have been put on you. Things are piling up.
There's a knock on your station wall. You look up and see a coworker. "Jesus, you scared me." You sigh.
"Sorry! Someone sent you something." He places it on your desk.
It's a black box. You slowly open it. Inside is a handmade bracelet. It's so pretty. Then, there's a note.
"I'm sorry."
---
You get home and see that familiar truck pull in behind you. Paul quickly gets out and walks over to you.
"What now?" You ask. You notice he is shirtless. His abs are crazy and he has a tattoo on his shoulder.
"Look, i.. I need to tell you something." He seems scared.
You decide to let him speak.
"I actually don't want you to think I'm crazy. Do you want to come to a bonfire with me tonight?" He asks.
"Not really." You scoff.
"It's just me and the guys. It's at the rez. We just talk over the tribes legends. This is very important." He urges.
"Fine. But no funny business." You say sternly.
"Yes, ma'am. I promise." He says genuinely. "I'll pick you up in an hour or so whenever you're ready." He goes to walk to his truck.
"Hey, no. That's too much driving. Just come inside and wait for me to get ready." You say.
He stops and looks at you with surprise. He follows you inside and looks around the house. You point to the couch and then go into your room. You leave him alone in there while you get ready.
You step out and see him sitting on the couch, thinking. "Ready." You say.
He jumps out of his thoughts and smiles up at you. "You look stunning." He gushes.
You can't help but blush and look away. "Thanks. Can we go?"
-----
You sit at the fire listening to Billy Black talk. Paul has been following you around the place. Every step you take, he's right behind you. But you've met some awesome people! Plus, you rekindled with Jacob, Embry, and Quil.
"The wolf in us can sense what humans can't. We must be ready for what is to come. It doesn't stop here. The quiet is only for a moment. Hold onto your imprints, your family, and friends. We don't know what could happen." Billy warns.
You turn to look at Paul. You're so confused. HUH!
After that, you sit in Paul's truck, waiting for him to take you back home. He finally gets in the drivers seat and sighs. "It's all true." He said.
"What, you're a wolf? You cut your hair, got buff, and got a tattoo just like your friends?" You scoff.
"It's serious. Vampires and shifters are real. And you're my imprint." He looks at you.
Your chest is starting to hurt. What have you gotten yourself into?
You're staring at his beautiful face. You're just falling in love. You have to stay strong. "Take me home, please." You say.
You open the door, slam it shut, and head to your house. Meanwhile, behind you, there's a begging, Paul. "Please don't leave me like this. I'll do anything for you. You are my world. I want to show you that." He calls out.
You stop in your tracks and turn to him. Before you can speak, he falls to his knees. "Y/n, let me love you." You can see a tear shed.
A switch flips in you. "Paul, can you show me?"
He looks up at you. "My.. wolf?"
You nod your head in response. He reaches out his hand for you to grab. You hesitate, but slip your fingers under his thumb. His big and warm hands fill you up with butterflies. You can't help but stare at how your hand fits in his.
But he starts walking, bringing you to the backyard of your house. He stops and backs away from you. "Stay right there. Don't get too close. I'm going to take off some of my clothes. You can turn around or close your eyes."
You turn your heels and face the other way, looking at the trees. You hear cracking and growling. You turn around. On the ground is a pile of clothes and shoes. In front of you stands a dark gray wolf. It is huge! You look into the brown eyes, and instantly, you feel Paul. The wolf whimpers and lowers its head.
After that ordeal, you're sitting on your couch, listening to Paul explain everything. You watch as his lips move. You just want to kiss him now.
You're zoned out. You lean in, interrupting him, and kiss him. He's in shock but grabs the back of your head and kisses you back. God his lips. They're moving in sync with yours. You can't pull away. No, you can't. You want more. You start to move your body closer, about to straddle his lap but he stops you, grabbing your hips. He pulls away and chuckles.
"No, no. That's another time, beautiful." He smirks.
You blush deeply and bite your lip, staring at him. "It all makes sense." You whisper.
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the-halfling-prince · 6 months
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The only thing I don't like about Caesar on a TV Screen by The Last Dinner Party is that it's not ~10 minutes long.
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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iniziare · 3 months
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#dorian pavus. [ he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain. ]#dorian pavus: ic. [ you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet. ]#dorian pavus: inquiries. [ stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause? ]#dorian pavus: countenance. [ i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult. ]#dorian pavus: introspection. [ selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. ]#dorian pavus: meta. [ you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less? ]#dorian pavus: little notes. [ living a lie. it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for what’s in your heart. ]#dorian pavus: etc. [ you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks. ]#dorian pavus: magic. [ don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places? ]#dorian pavus: inquisition. [ we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition. ]#dorian pavus: tevinter. [ despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love. ]#dorian pavus: felix. [ even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better. ]#dorian pavus: gereon. [ we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying. ]#dorian pavus: halward. [ i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy. ]#dorian pavus: aquinea. [ her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet. ]#dorian pavus: inquisitor. [ you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them. ]#dorian pavus: solas. [ you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit. ]#dorian pavus: varric. [ what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way. ]#dorian pavus: cullen. [ gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you. ]#dorian pavus: cassandra. [ blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic. ]#dorian pavus: cole. [ you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats. ]#dorian pavus: vivienne. [ i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends. ]#dorian pavus: blackwall. [ point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one. ]#dorian pavus: sera. [ you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony. ]#dorian pavus: bull. [ no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back? ]#dorian pavus: corypheus. [ one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? ]
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thebleedingeffect · 6 months
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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piningpercussionist · 6 months
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(ooc)
*lying dead on the floor*
I have queued,, 5 more asks fhcjsfjfr
Two will have art responses! Probably should have staggered them but I think they're back to back lol. It doesn't matter anyway
I might try to cram one more in,, to better match batch one,, we'll see. But that's likely batch two ✌️
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autistic-shaiapouf · 6 months
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Oh haha yeah I'm definitely feeling better <- he is not talking to people
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stereax · 6 months
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woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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T__T final fantasy
#🌙.rambles#bruh i remember why i'm so romantic now#i hate final fantasy................#BUT GOD THE LYRICS OF. SUTEKI DA NE. EYES ON ME. MELODIES OF LIFE. KISS ME GOOD-BYE. SOBBBBBBB#i want to throw my phone or my laptop across my room! bury my head in a pillow n scream!#the the. EMOTION IN THEM. hurts just the way i like it lol#STAR-CROSSED ? OH MY GOD I HATE FINAL FANTASY FOR MAKING THAT ONE OF MY FAV TROPES WTF#THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING REALIZING HOW ROMANTIC I AM BCS OF INFLUENCES LIKE FINAL FANTASY#'darling so share with me / your love if you have enough / your tears if you're holding back / or pain if that's what it is'#'just reach me out then you will know that you're not dreaming' i will Cry#this is so cringe n i've always been a bit 'weird' but#sob hermes ffxiv kin bcs i still fit in thanks to my kindness n my intelligence . but it feels lonely#frankly as long as i stop caring about that n just really focus on just being myself as i always have. i'll definitely be happier .#be closer to that inner peace. n while i definitely keep on improving in that regard. i got the mindset n all#it's hard still bcs i can tell there's smth that's holding me back significantly. am i afraid that i'll be left out? alone?#i don't want to be what i'm not. but i'm afraid that. everything i've already found could just go away. disappear and leave#n i'll never really find a place that stays that i belong in. i'm too young to say for sure but i think#the world was cruel then. I ALREADY HAD TRUST ISSUES THEN THANKS TO OLD FRIENDS N THEN LMFAOOO I GOT HURT MORE#this is why i love helping others ! i try to make sure that people are being listened to in convos. i try to really read n understand *you*#fuck my anxiety though n i guess that child in me's still afraid to let my guard down.#there's sm i WANT to do for others n then. added with my own self. it's so overwhelming n it often feels like i failed everyone#we all owe ourselves the same kindness we give to others. it really gets hard though. bcs god i beat myself up for not being enough#especially for others :') like god i always want to help but it gets so hard to reach out n then i get hurt even more by my incompetence#cries i got distracted but back to ff..... i hate being romantic this way bcs i cld find some witty way to.#god no wait i'm not gna bring that up
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