#NO IM NOT LOOKING FOR A GOOD CHRISTIAN HUSBAND. NO IM NOT GONNA HAVE KIDS. FUCK OFF

[home-and-having-tea]

I have to spend a couple days hanging out with Midwestern Christians. I'm only through the first day and I'm considering becoming a Satanist lmfao

[vampiricgf]

i feel like a big missing piece in any conversation about "oh your husband actually hates you, ladies you need to wake up and realize how much these men actually hate you" is that you guys don't understand fundamentalism actually

per exit polls approximately 52% of white women voted for trump, ik that figure differs a little depending on what source you look at but it's always solidly above 50%. fundamentalist white women know that their men hate them. I was raised fundie, my adoptive parents were fundies. I think it was abundantly clear to my mother that our dad didn't love her, probably barely liked her, and barely liked any of us as his kids but to a fundie that isn't even important. all that's important is that you fall under that "familial blood" umbrella because one of fundamentalisms mandates is to have as many children as possible, it doesn't say anything about liking them nor liking your wife. your wife is a means to an end, practically speaking, a tool to be used until it is no longer useful and most of those women were taught the same mandates (seven mountain mandates for anyone unfamiliar) and follow the same beliefs. they're not secretly oppressed, they don't need rescued, in fact they would spit in your face and mace you if you even suggested their husband was in fact a domineering fuck whom they should leave. watch any of them on tiktok, sure they're brainwashed but most of them absolutely love it and actively gloat about it because it whips reactionary libs into a frenzy so they get a high from the fake outrage attention and they get a pat on the back from other "good" fundies for "standing up for traditional values"

think ballerina farms, that woman everyone and their mother just couldn't stop talking about how sad it was and how trapped she was and how tragic it all was that she had to give up her dream and pop out babies. then she comes out and goes "oh actually im fine I love my life and family and you all got played by a journalist with an agenda". but she absolutely did soak up all that sympathy for a good month or two before speaking up about that because it was beneficial to her for a time. that's fundie women to a T. they make the active choice to participate they are not victims in the sense that they just don't understand or don't know what's good for them or were coerced, largely because they believe it will benefit them, but will indulge people's sympathies for attention when it benefits them. none of those "scary" policies in the heritage foundation handbook would affect them, they're doing their part as a good little wife and follower of christianity. the only people with anything to fear are the ones going to hell. that's the usual fundie woman thought process. it doesn't matter if the men hate them, they see it as they get protection out of the arrangement so why bother with all that liberal nonsense? (they don't recognize nor care that in reality there is no protection, not for them or their children, when it comes to the violence of white supremacy and fundamentalism)

so no, it doesn't matter that they're hated because they're aware of that. to them it's a mutually beneficial arrangement at the end of the day, and you get to "own the libs" if you're thirsting for some attention online. and im telling you this so you can start saving your breath. arguing with them online is useless, you could scream until you're blue in the face and it means nothing to them not a single word gets through all that it does is make them feel like they're right, it makes them feel vindicated because "you're attacking family values!". you're not gonna save that fundie woman, she doesn't want saving in fact if she could she'd have you thrown in a 20 ft deep well to be covered with cement and would make a family day of it. your time and energy is better spent on community action, mutual aid, volunteering, and taking care of yourself then it is trying to make any of them "see the light" or whatever because that's a losing battle. and bringing up things like climate change policies also means nothing, the reason they don't care about that is because "if god wanted it fixed it would be fixed". it's as simple as that. that's the answer you'll be met with on most topics, god either will or will not fix it but it's not my responsibility to do anything about it

[aajjks]

Christian! *Yn eyes widen as he brought up her ex husband. It’s been a long time she spoke about him but it was only out of lack of care for the man. She sighs softly before looking down at the ground, shaking her head softly.* Im sorry, I didn’t think Liz would say something like that. I’ll need to talk to her about that stuff. She’s just so young, I don’t feel like this is something a 2, almost 3 year old should have to deal with.. *Yn lets out another small sigh before looking back up at Christian with a soft gaze.* Adin.. I’m guessing he spoke to you about his father.. *Yn wants to pry it out of Christian, see what her son said but she always wants to give him the respect of privacy. If he felt comfortable to tel a Christian, she shouldn’t mess that up.* You don’t have to tell me anything, it’s between you two but since you’re promising him to come tomorrow and to teach him.. As his mother I do have to the you don’t make a promise you can’t keep. I’m not trying to push you or anything just please don’t lie to him. *She says softly. Not in an accusing way but almost as a plea.* He doesn’t take well to being lied to.. *Yn says, looking back at the house before letting out a small giggle, looking back at Christian.* Miss Yn? I think we’re a little bit past formal conversation, yeah? *Her eyes widened when she thought Christian was about to say the L word. Blushing slightly as her memory snapped to him saying it to her in bed before she shook her head. She thought it was just the heat of the moment for him but hearing him accidentally almost say it again.. Made her giddy in a way. She smiles softly, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his cheek.* Thank you.. *She whispers against his ear as she wraps her arms around him for a hug.* Thank you for making my kids happy this weekend. This meant more to me than you know.. *She whispered again, kissing his cheek once more before pulling away.* It’s getting late so go ahead and head home.. Drive safe.. *She says, walking backwards to her door.* And don’t be late to class! *She says with a giggle, closing her door.*

“GOOD MORNING MS YN!!!! I’m so glad that you are here because the weekend was boring without you and I need to know that I’m gonna have a good day at school… I also did my homework so don’t worry you won’t have to punish me and.. I just hope that today is OK. I didn’t really get much sleep last night… hehe.”

[aburningpotathoe]

THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER SPOILERS

tldr: pros and cons list

PROS:

-cinematography and creative decisions. the movie is visually stunning

-good-ish plot. Janes introduction doesnt feel forced

-good villain

-both posrt credit scenes are reallt good

-really good queer rep

-expands the MCU without feeling like an exposition movie

CONS:

- too. many. jokes. and theyre so cringe too

-the children scene????

- the whole jealous!stormbreaker plot point

-the movie feels like a kids movie which i would respect if it didnt have sexual innuendos, orgy jokes and thor's naked butt

ONTO THE MAIN DISH

Ok im gonna do a quick (lies) review/rant about the movie

Im gonna say its one of the worst phase 4 movies (coming from someone whos really liking phase 4). Id give it a 6/10. BUT one the things i love about it is that it has its own identity and they really let the director expand his vision and make the film his rather than be a generic cbm like the first thors.

But thats also my main issue with it.. i just cant get into taikas vision for this one. I loved ragnarok but here the jokes are cringier and more present, to the point where the first 30ish minutes really feel like a succession of gags.

Also the dialogues are badly written (on that note, i wanted to ask if the english version is better at it, i watched it in italian and im wondering if my issue with the dialogues and the cringeiness is just a dubbing issue).

Onto the spoilers

-Plot

The plot in itself is good, with some minor exceptions and so is the pacing.

The only problems are that Jane becoming mighty thor might feel rushed (i didnt personally mind it tho)

and that Gorr kindapping children felt so RANDOM?? like obviously it was to draw thor out but maybe if they insited more on why heimdall's son is important for Asgard due to his sight, their capture would have made more sense and feel less like a mcguffin needed to further the plot. also Gorr's cage thingy felt like something out of a fairytale and idk how to feel about it

oh and the childern scene but more on that later

Other than that the plot is good, i liked the romcom aspect EXCEPT THE STORMBREAKER BEING JEALOUS OF MJOLNIR PART?????? (then again maybe its less cringe in english idk)

-Characters

Gorr works super well as a villain, christian bale gives it his all and the dubbing was actually astounding for this particular character

Jane is the highlight of the movie, Natalie works really well as a superhero and her chemistry with Chris H. is waaaay better than in the other movies, her arc is really good and almost identical to the comics

Loved the Darcy cameo

Sif was??? there??? she did stuff??? for 2 seconds???

Valkyrie was also really cool, we finally got the confirmation that shes a lesbian and her scenes with gorr are amongst the highlights. And marvel will pay for my therapy after almost killing the only character i care about from the thor franchise.

The guardians are barely there (Crisp ratt looks like someone botched his plastic surgery) and i guess they just are a way to introduce the gorr issue and many many gags (like the temple destruction.. the parts with Kraglins wife... thor doing the splits.... etc...)

Korg is ok.... i wish they had the balls to kill him bevause his "death" scene was actually really cool and surprising. Even tho him with his husband/boyfriend at the end was SO CUTE

The other gods are... cool? the dumpling god was more cringe than cute and i think the scissor god pun was lost to the dubbing. Also we were robbed of like a Khonshu/Taweret cameo, maybe them being on thor side or smt idk

Zeus was really cool and the whole gods are useless and their hybris thing was really cool to see. Ive seen people call zeus cringe but for me it was one of the best parts of the movie. THOR KILLING ZEUS WAS EVERYTHING??? I WISH THEY HAD MORE MOMENTS WHERE THE CHARACTERS EMPTIONS FELT SO STRONG LIKE I FELT THORS RAGE AS HE KILLED HIM (even tho hes alive in the post credit scene)

the inclusion of eternity was wild but honestly was executed well

-direction

A major pro is the cinematography, some shots are outright stunning, some creative decisions are amazing and the cgi works reallt well

ive seen people criticize the costumes for being cosplay-y but it honestly didnt bother me

-cringe

I guess the only problem i had was that there were to many jokes and it reallt felt like a contuous jump from one comedic situation to another woth some hiys of fights, romance and stuff

OH AND THE SCENE WITH THE CHILDREN WAS SO BAD, LIKE I WAS STARTING TO ENJOY THE MOVIE AND THINKING IT WOULD GROW AND ME AND BAM! ITS JUST SO CRINGE AND THEY COULDVE MADE IT WORK SO MUCH BETTER SO EASILY. IT WOULD MAKE SENSE THAT THE CHILDREN WOULD DEFEND THEMSELVES BUT THEY SHOULD'VE STARTED FIGHTING/HELP ON THEIR OWN (ya know so they dont die) AND THEN GET THE POWERS OF THOR BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTHY RATHER THAN THAT CRINGE ASS SCENE. ALSO THE TEDDY BEAR SHOOTING LIGHTING OUT OF ITS EYES???? THE GIRL CUTTING WONSTERS UP WITH A WAND?? (it sounds good on paper but after 1.30 hrs of gags and nonsense it just felt like too much)

The ending was meh... i dont mind thor being a father to gorrs daughter but her having powers out of the blue,??? do they come from eternity????

it was weird to introduce a cosmic entity in the last 20 mins of the movie but it worked pretty well.

ONTO THE POST CREDITS:

I completey guessed that they would introduce Hercules and a thor vs Hercules movie seems right up taikas alley so i look forward to that. Not a fan of zeus not dying tho

The scene in valhalla was sooo cute. Heimdalls cameo was sweet and felt like a good conclusion tho the first thor run (like the thor and tdw worldbuilding)

overall a fun unhinged ride that is downplayed by excessive comedy, which is a shame bc the character journeys are spot on (kudos to taika for putting that much character development in 2hrs of movie). FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHATCH IT IN ENGLISH WITH DUBS bc the main problem is that the jokes dont wok and the dubbing might be a major reason as to why

[mythiccheroacademia]

- “get your son/daughter”

𝕙𝕠𝕥 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤: 𝕚𝕟 𝕨𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕕 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕕

𝕗𝕖𝕞-𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕒𝕤𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘

Bakugo Katsuki:

your son had been sent home for getting in a fight and you and bakugo were furious

although he was kind at heart, your kid had always been rough around the edges

but this was unacceptable

katsuki fixed a harsh glare on him, silently promising punishment

you on the other hand were going off

your son sunk further into the chair as he was scolded

as you went on about his recent bad behavior, he finally got fed up with your rant and groans,

“okay mom, I get it. can you just shut up about it already”

it’s like the jazz record stops

jeopardy music starts playing

you can literally feel how cold the air suddenly gets

your kid realizes what just came out of his mouth and looks to his dad as katsuki looks to you and then to his son and then back to you

he watches you watch him

there’s a moment of complete silence before your son screams as you literally lunge after him

youre fast but katsuki’s faster

he had years of hero training to thank

he catches you just before you reach across the chair and you just go ballistic

“DID I HEAR CORRECTLY!? DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP?? HUH!?”

even tho bakugo’s pissed, he tells your kid to apologize

bc he’s lowkey struggling to hold you back 💀

“DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING DEATH WISH, BRAT!? APOLOGIZE!!”

“W-WAIT! I’M SORRY MA, I DIDNT MEAN—“

“I CANT BELIVE YOU JUST—KATSUKI, GET YOUR SON!! GET YOUR SON BEFORE I DO BECAUSE HE’LL END UP MISSING!”

“GOD DAMN IT S/N! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!”

“IM SORRY”

it just such a mess from there on out lmao

Shinsou Hitoshi:

it was clear to hitoshi on this very day that your daughter held zero value for her own life

bc if she did

there was no way

absolutely no way she would’ve cursed at you

not in this christian household

“that’s so fucking annoying” your daughter muttered in response to you telling her she couldn’t go to a party tonight

it was quiet and supposed to be for her ears only but your daughter was never good at whispering

hitoshi froze with a sandwich halfway in his mouth

your daughter, processing her mistake, widened her eyes in horror

there was something about the way you blankly stared at your kid that made everyone in the room’s hair stand up

“did you just...cuss at me? me? in my own house?”

she starts to profusely apologize and wilts w each word bc you just stare and stare and stare

you hold your ear and lean in

“no, repeat to me what you just said bc I don’t think I heard you right”

(when they tell you to repeat, do not do it)

you take a step towards her and shinsou grabs your arm to keep you in place bc he wasn’t in the mood to see a homicide today 💀

“D/N, go to your room. you’re not going to the party,” he says and your daughter is thankful for a way out

“yes sir,” she she yelps before high tailing her butt outta there 😭

you turn to your husband w the straightest face

“you know that’s your daughter, right?”

“i know, babe” 🙄 (it’s not like you went 50/50 on her or anything)

“good. so you get her, or I do” you calmly say before going back to the dishes

shinsou only laughs

he loves your crazy ass

Kaminari Denki:

your three sons thought they were the fbi or some shit and could sneak back into the house undetected

so imagine their surprise when the chair turns to reveal you

arms crossed, bonnet on, robe secured, and belt in hand

“so where you three been at 2 am in the morning?”

they look at each other with wide eyes, bottom lips quivering to say something

“uhhh w-we went out to get something for dad!”

then another chair twists around to reveal kaminari

legs crossed, hair up, robe secured, and belt in hand

“is that so?” he asks, brows raised in surprise

that’s when they started shivering

the second oldest tries to cover them and says, “y-yeah! dad, didn’t you mention that D/N said she wanted that um uhhh toy last week?”

the final chair turns and reveals your youngest 8 yr old daughter

hands folded, scarf wrapped, robe secured, and belt in hand

she innocently tilts her head and chirps, “when did I say that?”

at this point, it was over for them and they knew it based on the dark looks on their parents’ face and the evil growing smirk that appears on their sister’s lips

they start throwing each other under the bus, talking over one another, and trying to explain why they were “forced” to leave the house even when they were told not to

you raise your hand, and there’s an immediate silence

“three things are gonna happen,” you say. “your sister is going to pick the belt, your father is going handle you three today, and I’m gonna go to bed bc I’m tired. but best believe when I wake up, youre asses are mine. do I make myself clear?”

your three boys want to cry as their sister conveniently picks the thickest one. “y-yes ma’am,” they sniffle

with a satisfied hum, you get up and take yourself and your daughter to bed who leaves with a taunting wave over her shoulder

denki waits for the sound of the bedroom door to close before looking at his three idiots w a tired sigh

him: “....you know I gotta beat your ass, right?”

them: “yeah :(“

you didn’t see much, but you and your daughter had a very peaceful sleep that night

[nosygay]

not to be like that but being gay kinda sucks actually

[what-kinda-fuckery]

Hey so, I was one of the star struck falsettos stans that spent the forty dollars for the webinar, and I took notes (like a weirdo). So I decided I would share my funny moments and updates from the cast here!

- Host: Everyone should be keeping their audio off.

Christian: Oh alright!

Host: nO Christian not you

- Christians in Manhattan and his hair is back and he’s wearing a Superman t-shirt.

- Brandon is with his parents in NJ

- Stephanie and Brandon still love each other

- Brandon: Meat should be cooked just right

- Betsy: Stephanie are you in maple wood?

Stephanie: Well thank you for telling everyone where I am (she’s in NJ)

- Stephanie: Are you fucking kidding meee!!!

- Tracie is in LA, she looks like she’s in Costa Rica and I love her dog.

- Anthony’s VOICE IS LOW EVERYONES FREAKING OUT

they’re all talking about Anthony’s clear skin

- Andy Randy is in LA with a fresh haircut his boyfriend did it and he’s watching too much TV

Andrew: I’m watching this is America

Stephanie: SO GOOD

Andrew: SO GOOD

- Everyone’s having hard days

- Christian is acting out tracies dog’s pathetic bark and everyone’s like WHAT are you doing bc it looks like he’s about to throw up

- BETSY IS A WEEK AWAY FROM HAVINGA WHOLE CHILD

Betsy: What else do you do during a pandemic? Have a baby!

Andrew: Can I toss out another baby name? Celery.

Literally everyone: Goodnight Andrew goodbye!

- Christian is living with a girl (?) and playing board games instead of watching television

HE COOKS NOW EVERYONES PROUD OF HIM

Christian: yesterday I made pork filet en croute

Stephanie: I MADE PORK WITH SAGE AND APPLES ON WEDNESDAY

Stephanie: In mean girls they wear pink on wednesdays. In falsettos they make pork.

- I can’t get over Anthony’s voice

Again everyone returning to his literally perfect skin

- Stephanie: When watching four jews in a room in the beginning who’s in China?? I know the answer I just want to hear someone say it.

Andrew, with a thick accent: It was Bryna, in China, with a torn miniscus

- Christian: Did anything interesting make it on to the telecast between me and you? Andrew? Actually I dont remember I need to do my research.

Andrew: There’s been some strange comments about Christian and I- (AT THIS POINT IM WHEEZING)

HE MENTIONED THE TONY BONY

HE SAID IT WASNT A THING

HE DIDNT HAVE ONE

Andrew: No that’s not a thing that happened

Brandon: Andrew i want you to know that it’s okay if it was. It’s a safe space just the seven of us. (Lol)

- Bill Finn would take two steps into the room: “WROONG”

Stephanie: he wanted me to sing the end of I’m breaking down up the octave and I said #notmytrina

Brandon: #NOTMYTRINA

- Tracie what did you do during act 1

Tracie: Betsy and I sat in that dressing room for like an hour and a half

Andrew: You SANG the WHOLE SHOW TRACIE

- Betsy watched parts of the first act to feel like she was there

- Betsy sprained both her ankles at one point during the run and was a trooper anyways

Brandon reenacting Betsy limping during look look look look

Everyone dies laughing

Christians LAUGH makes me SO HAPPY

- Betsys screen is frozen like this: 🤨

Andrew: What if she went into labor??? (This is a common thread throughout the zoom)

- Anthony: I’m getting a lot of glitching so Stephanie is just like “HUH UH UH UH”

- Betsy comes back and everyone is like

YOU GUYS ITS COMING!!!

- They bought Andrew an ice cream for his birthday from the vending machine at rehearsal

- Andrew: The Hawaii crop top

Betsy: I would give anything to have that

- Tracie: it was very hard. Very precise bringing the blocks together

Brandon: Trying to be like oh my god we’re going to a funeral

Andrew: MY DEATH IT WAS MY DEATH

- fan question: What did the blocks weigh?

Stephanie: They were like thick yoga blocks. Not heavy but awkward shaped

Andrew: Significantly heavier when Anthony sat on them

Anthony: I just realized how much I got thrown around

Stephanie: Anthony were you proud of yourself? #proudofyou

Anthony: The one moment I was cringing was father and son

Christian: HERE WE GO *SLAPS TABLE*

Betsy: Anthony’s like BLAH BLAH BLAH blah my line BLAH BLAH BLAH my line BLAH BLAH

Christian: I LEAVE THE PAUSE IF YOU CANT GET IN THATS ON YOU

Anthony: I was blinking in that number like constantly

Christian: THE WHOLE THING LIKE A SALAMANDER

Oh Anthony.

- Andrew: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT CHRISTIAN BORLE. Tech for what more can i say. He was laying on me. We were shirtless in underpants under the blankets.

Christian: SLOWER

Andrew: he leaned over; He sniffed his armpit and said “I hope you like France”

EVERYONE DIES LAUGHING INCLUDING ME

Christian: i haven’t worn deodorant in 10 years true story

- Christian: i seem to remember holding our pillows and blankets pretending like we were partying on fyre island and Andrew said:

Andrew: WHATS YOUR NAME???

Christian: No no it was something like:

WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN??

Andrew: WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN???

Betsy: James lupine I feel like we’re ruining this show

- Andrew: The shenanigans were real but so was the sadness

Stephanie: We’re real and we’re funny what you gonna do

- Andrew talking about how hard the show was to do: Finding some liberty, It’s a hard world to live in all the time. It was a hard time especially for Christian. I would sometimes go home and cry for no reason

Brandon: Building up emotion with nowhere to put it

Betsy: then Lesbians come in and provide all the levity

Stephanie: Although Dr. Charlotte brings in horrible news

Tracie: Everything’s beautiful at what more can i say and I’m like not so fast

- Tracie always had a funny thing to say

- Who broke character the most on stage?

Anthony Stephanie and Christian

Anthony: it was when I said “I don’t want a bar mitzvah” and I spit in your face a lot and you went like *puts arms up* and someone at stage door was like very condescending like it’s not professional

Christian: Oh my bad we’re people sorry

- Stephanie wrote a line in the show “YOU HAVE PAINTINGS OF DICKS”

- James wanted her to cut off her finger during I’m breaking down

And turn around with a bandaged bloody finger

- Betsy’s nose bleeding during something bad is happening

And Tracie was like something BAD IS HAPPENING

Tracie: Christians throwing up right now

Betsy: Bloody Kleenex up the nose THE SHOW MUST GO ON

- Fan question: Stephanie how do you belt with a banana in your mouth

Christian: Practice practice practice

Stephanie: just shove it in your cheek. But Really that wasn’t supposed to happen

Anthony’s nickname in the rehearsal room was little bananas because he had to gather up all the pieces of stuff after Stephanie shoved the table over with her rear. Sometimes he didn’t have enough time to put it somewhere so he would just put the pieces of banana in his mouth and that’s where it came from

That’s why

- Andrew: Stephanie your glasses are very chic

Stephanie: Oh my gosh thank you *shocked*

- Betsy: Bill was like I’d rather DIE than change lyrics for the pbs special

FLaT aS a LaKe

- Cue everyone accidentally talking over each other and saying what at each other for 30 seconds

Christian: what? what? what?

Who is it?

What’s going on?

- If you could play anyone else in the show who would it be

Anthony said Mendel

Tracie said Mendel

Brandon said Trina

Andrew said marvin

Betsy said whizzer

Stephanie said Mendel

And I honestly couldn’t hear if Christian said anything whoops

- Brandon: If someone could at some point explain to me the Mendel eats dirt meme? People have been Asking me if Mendel eats dirt? I don’t think it’s about Trina Trina is not the dirt. I was overwhelmed. Can someone in the Q&A explain this? *A few seconds later* oh It was from a meme generator?

Christian: Greaat.

Brandon: It’s a fan fiction about Mendel eating dirt and getting aroused by it

Everyone: WHAT

- They still get fan art

Someone recreated the whole soundtrack 8bit and also with KAZOOS

- Brandon: CONGRATS CHRISTIAN ON LULOS WIN FOR LITTLE SHOP. If you haven’t seen Christian in little shop it’s revelatory I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass I have not laughed that hard in a while at the theatre

- Christian talking about little shop

Christian has a 12 inch Batman toy in his dressing room and he misses it

- Ticket prices were getting out of control before corona everyones hoping this will make a difference

Brandon and everyone think it should get more accessible

- Brandon: Hear hear I need a refill

- Stephanie: Your hair looks incredible Brandon (it did)

Christian: She’s been waiting to talk about it for 53 minutes

- Andrew: Well Betsy what I’m wondering is have you crowned yet??

Proceed everyone dying

Brandon, taking a picture of the screen: This moment will go down in history as When Betsy was asked if she was crowning

- Everyone mimicking zoom freezing by starting a sentence and freezing halfway through

- Christian: What new Steven sondheim musical are you excited about Anthony *devilish grin*

Anthony having no idea what Christian is talking about

Christian: Come on Anthony you know the answer. Ugh. The minds of the young. You’re smoking pot now aren’t you??

Christian: We have a lot of fun

- Andrew: I’m trying to get people to pay attention to me

- Christians pretending to be frozen

Cue a lot of yelling: Stephanie BRANDON STEPHANIE

NO CHRISTIAN

Everyone accusing each other of being frozen

NO YOURE FROZEN

- Andrew: Let’s all act like we’re frozen

Steph: I see Andrew acting like hes frozen

Betsy: Watching you do that is killing me

- Listening to the cast recording for the first time together

Stephanie: Why was I the a-hole that couldn’t be there???

Christian: That’s a question only you can answer

- Betsys husband came in everyones like BETSY LOOK OUT

Christian: that scared the shit out of me

- What is marvins last name and what was his line of work

Christian: we definitely said it at some point right? (They didnt) but he was in advertising. What was the last name? Gardens? O’Malley?

- Andrew: Betsys gone oh no

Betsy: I’m right here!!!

Andrew: She’s giving birth (again)

Stephanie: Betsy Wolfe is a ceiling

- Brandon: Welcome back Anthony. You’re here now.

Anthony singing merrily we roll along over Betsy trying to tell a story

Christian: STOP SMOKING POT IN YOUR BEDROOM ANTHONY

- Betsy: Steve (Steven Sondheim) comes to the door I call him steve

Into the woods is the reason Betsy is in theatre

- Betsy: Andrew was nervous singing at the tonys for Book of Mormon and he got dry mouth he sang like 😬I BELIEVE and he licked his lips so much during the song.

Brandon: Did you have a boner then too?

Andrew: GUYS DONT BE DICKS

Stephanie: It’ll be like dry mouth, boner

Andrew: BETSY YOU FUCKIN BITCH ITS ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD

Stephanie: Bets maybe we should wrap it up

- Brandon sings MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

EVERYONE TELLING HIM TO STOP SINGING I took a video it was beautiful might post that later

- “Tracie Thomas from Lent!”

Tracie having stage fright

Tracie: Billy porter said “oh child we all forget the words” and walked away

- Anthony said WHO SHAT THE BED in four jews once

Anthony: That’s my contribution. Steph got her line, I got who shat the bed

- Steph: We lost andrew oh no

Christian: Um, we lost andrew ten minutes ago. Yeah when Brandon started singing

- Then Betsy sang a song by Bill Finn beautiful

- Steph: Wear your masks and eat pork on wednesdays

That was it!! I hope you enjoyed and people who were there if I got anything wrong that’s my human error it was hard to note everything I wanted to. Smooches! Byee

[urmomsstuntdouble]

ooh, care to share your thoughts on some characters you like but don’t talk about ?

thanks for the ask! and yes i would care to share some of those thoughts

one character i really like is poland, but i dont like the way theyre treated a lot in canon or in fanon (also i hc them as using they/them pronouns). i think it would be easier for me to interact with poland the character if there was less..weirdness around them being so overtly queer, if that makes sense? i know a popular headcanon for poland is that they’re a trans man, but i actually dont really vibe with that. i mean have your headcanons if you want, you do you, but something about trans man poland makes me a bit uncomfy..like you take a guy who crossdresses and is generally super fem and campy and say ah yes he’s trans..idk its got weird vibes. like he’s a man but he’s not like the other men, who don’t crossdress and don’t talk like valley girls and all that. thats not to say i dont think poland is like cishet or whatever (nobody’s cishet on this blog ;)) theres just something about the fandom portrayal of them that irks me a lil. i also find them a bit of a difficult character because everyone seems to love the angst about like. points in time when poland didnt exist (russian empire days) and they’re portrayed as being so different than they were previously. i also think that poland as a character is one of the more contradictory ones (partially due to my own perception of poles, which is largely predicated on a certain type of immigrant grandmother), because they really are trying to be positive but shits hard when you’re a queer jew and the year is 1600- speaking of them being jewish, i do have a historical reason for that, and it’s the theory that jews had a big role in saving poland during the black plague. basically there were a lot of orthodox jews, and its a thing for orthodox jews to have 2+ sinks in their houses. iirc cleanliness is super important. anyway, there were a lot of orthodox jews in eastern europe at the time, much of which was controlled by the polish-lithuanian commonwealth, and that also happens to be one of the areas least affected by the plague. a ton of christians still died, although it was considerably less than in other areas. anyway i also have that hc because of the warsaw ghetto uprising in 1943, and because poland was one of the first countries hitler invaded. though poland today is v catholic (and it always was very catholic) it has a strong presence and one could say that poland is the cultural center of ashkenazi judaism. of course, during the russian empire and the holocaust, many polish jews were murdered or driven out, so there aren’t quite as many there today, but in the past, poland was something of a haven for jewish people in europe. anyway that was a tangent. but yeah, poland. theyre a very good character but i feel like they get misinterpreted a lot. i think they’re quite similar to italy veneziano in that way, because poland is definitely a very traumatized country- all the partitions, for one, and then the pat 2-300 years would have been very rough for someone who’s jewish. anyway i have more thoughts but ive distracted myself with the judaism thing, so yeah. 

i also really like sweden, although i don’t know enough about them (sigh. my nonbinary headcanons. he/they sweden.) to do a real in depth historical analysis of their character. i think an underused piece of comedy about him is that sweden has been neutral in all military conflicts for the past 200 or so years (on paper. they were involved in the congo crisis in the 1960s and have recently stationed more troops in foregin countries). like..sweden used to be a powerhouse in northern europe and now he’s just. trying to be a dad or something idk. anyway my interest in sweden’s character is relatively new, so i would have to go seek out more sweden content, but i think they’re generally super interesting and im a bit sad to see their potential wasted by being like. finland’s husband/sealand’s dad. dont get me wrong i love some good sufin content but there’s more to his character than that he’s in love with finland. 

i also think china’s pretty neat just because i love dads, and i also think he’s gorgeous. long haired men are hot, what can i say? i like him being a crotchety old man who’s a bit out of touch with the Youths tm, although i think he would be too powerful if he learned some modern slang and then decided to misuse it around his kids. i also want to look deeper into the fandom interpretation of his relationship with hong kong and taiwan, mostly because i havent before. there’s also this chinese restaurant that no longer exists that has been described as making the food so spicy that whatever went into the wok next would still be hot enough to make you cry. i feel like that’s a very yao thing to do- like come on, it’s not that spicy- meanwhile, he’s had thousands of years to develop an iron spice tolerance and something that’s spicy enough for him might kill a regular human. perhaps thats hyperbolic, perhaps not, idk. anyway i also do think that he’s the most human out of all the nations, just because he’s been alive so long. i might just be incredibly fascinated with immortality, idk. i think its fascinating the toll that would take on a person, mentally speaking. like all the nations are weird but china must be super weird. anyway i feel like my fascination with how old he is might be a lil weird, but also one of my favorite doctor who characters is ashildr, so i digress. anyway this post is getting super long so i think im gonna cut it off here. hope that was snazzy!

[whataboutsteffanfics]

Trails of fire - Chapter 1

8 years prior

Zendaya and Chris are at the Beach, And are having a walk by the water.

"I'm so happy that we're getting married" she said

"Me too but I want to promise you something'

The stop walking and look each other in the eye.

"I promise to always love you, I promise to always be there for you, I promise to support you and to always make you happy"

"i promise the same thing, I love you"

"I love you too" he screamed, he then picked her up and started to twirl her around

------------------------------------------------------- 8 years prior - wedding day (vows)

"Chris would you like to say your vows" the priest asked

""As we start our married life together today, I make these promises before our families and friends:

I will continually challenge myself to become the best husband I can be; always looking to put you before myself and making your dreams our dreams.

I will love you; I will adore you; I will cherish you; I will be faithful to you.

I will be thoughtful and mindful in the way I act around other people, whether we are together or apart. I will always seek to give you no reason to be jealous over another person. music has always been a big part of our life and You will always be the greatest song I could and would ever sing.

I will trust you in all things, never doubting you, or looking for reassurance of things you have already promised me.

I will help you discover your full potential, pushing you to become the best you can be, to support and ensure your hopes and dreams come to fruition.

I will stand by your side in all things, the highs and the lows, always finding agreement in everything that we do as husband and wife.

I will keep God at the centre of our relationship and love you as Christ loves the Church." Chris said and wiped away her tears

"Zendaya would you like to say your vows?"

""I promise to be your faithful wife. I promise to love you when the sun shines, when the rain falls, in sickness, and in health. When you look at this ring, think of me and remember that I love you always."

"I promise to be the woman that I see now in your eyes, today, tomorrow, and for always."

"What is a wife? I must admit, I'm not sure. All I know is that I am devoted to you completely and am made a better person because of your love. wife then is a thing that a good marriage makes, molds, and creates whole. If that is what a husband/wife means, then I am prepared to be yours."

"I vow to always protect you from harm, to stand with you against your troubles, and look to you when I need protection."

"I take thee to be my wife and promise to look into your eyes just like I do now, with love and soulful amazement. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I promise to try to be worthy of your love in every way, to climb mountains, and swim oceans just to be by your side. I will be honest, caring, patient and forgiving, and I will always be a loyal wife."

"You fill my life with meaning. Thank you for taking me as I am, loving me, and welcoming me into your heart. I promise to always love you, respect you, and to be faithful to you forever."

------------------------------------------------------- present

"Chris you can't just leave like that" she yelled

" Daya i gotta go to this import meeting I will be back in 2 hours"

"no Chris I already told how busy I am gonna be, I literally have to leave in 15 min" she pointed out to him while following him to the door

"can't you call your mom, my mom or one of your sisters to watch the kids" he said while looking for his car keys

"no i cant they were all gonna be busy thats why I ask-"

"I'm sorry Zendaya but I really have to go now" he finally found his key and walked out the door

"arrrghhhh" she yelled angry

"mommy are you okay" het 4 year old asked worried

"mom is fine why don't you go watch tv"

"okay mommy"

Zendaya went to the kitchen and picked up her phone and try to contact her dad but it went straight to voicemail

she didn't have a any other option and called everything off, she then went upstairs to change in her comfy clothes

before going downstairs she came across a picture of their wedding day

"is this really my life right now" she whispered to herself, she shook her head and went to the kitchen to make the kids some lunch

Pov Chris

I just finished my 4 hour meeting and now I got a call that I had to be in the studio to record a song.

"ay Chris good you came man" his producer said

"we gonna record something new?"

"no we gotta change a couple of sounds for this song on your album"

"alright man"

Chris went to the booth and put his headphones one and started to sing

"Whine up pon it to the rhythm (rhythm) Come a little closer, why you distant? (why you distant) All over my body, feel the friction (friction) Yeah, baby, it's me that's in your system (system) Kill it, girl, your body lookin' vicious (vicious) Meditating on you like a scripture (a scripture) Ain't at church but she pull up in them Christians Long time, I go love you like it's vintage

Go forward, go back and forward, oh Enjoy it, just pick your poison, oh, ooh Go slower, go fast, go slower and around and around Go back and forward, ooh Rock your body, your body, your body, ooh Rock your body, your body, your body, ooh (your body, your body, your body) Rock your body, oh gimme what you got, I'm holding on, oh Rock your body every night

Why you always lookin' at the time though? (Time though) Baby, when you dance on me time slows (time slows) Murder everyting at the nitro (nitro) Take you back to my space like a typo (typo) Tell me how to reach like a high note (high note, oh yeah) Skin tight, never need lipo (lipo) I can see us with my eyes closed (eyes closed) Pull it to side like vibo (vibo)

after he sang for a couple of hours he looked at the time and saw it was past 12 pm

"ay man we done? I gotta go home"

"yup we done we got it"

he picked his stuff, said his goodbye to everybody and drove home

--------------------------- its 9 pm now and chris is still not back from his so called meeting. so her cousin came to check on her after work

"you want some wine" Daya asked

"yes please"

she poured the 2 of them some wine and sat down on the coach

"tell me why are you so upset, what wrong with you and Chris" her cousin asked

Daya took a long sip before she answered her question

"it has been a lot, and I don't feel happy right now in my marriage... we have been fighting like crazy, he always at work and comes home late and his excuse is that he was at a meeting. he always leave me with the kids like I had a couple of important meetings today and I had to cancel my whole entire day because he had to leave. so much has been going on I bet he doesn't even realize that I'm not happy."

"wow i didint even know that has been going on, have you tried counseling or just talking it out with each other"

"we don't even talk like that anymore, I don't understand what happened to us, one moment we was happy and the next thing I know all we do is fight" she said as she started to cry

her cousin placed her glass on the table and went to give her a hug

"listen, yall need to talk to each other and tell each other what y'all need and figure out where it went wrong in y'all marriage. you both can't continue to do this to each other and remember they kids need both sets of parent that love each other. do you still love him?"

"I do....without a doubt but he is just not making me happy right now"

"well then focus on the that, that you love him and when you do talk tell him what you need from him and you both should fix whatever is going on in y'all marriage that isn't healthy for you, him and the kids"

"okay i will" she said and took a deep breath

a couple of hours later her cousin left, so she started to clean up a bit so she could go to bed.

while she walked to the steps she saw the piano and decided to play a song that come in to her mind

"Where did we go wrong?

Is it all my fault? Where did we go wrong? Is it all my fault?

From the very start I was so into you Ooh from the beginning I was so so feeling you But you thought I cheated, that I played around on you But didn't you do the same, didn't you, didn't you?

Where did we go wrong? Is it all my fault? Where did we go wrong? Is it all my fault?

I wish I would've listened I wish I would've heard

Ooh I wish I would've touched you baby I wish I would've said the words That I love you, I love you I love you I love you, I love you"

"that was beautiful" he said

"how long have you been standing there"

"when you started to sing"

he walked to the piano and sat next to her

"I'm sorry I'm late I-"

"was at the studio.. mhh hum I know" she said dry looking at him

"baby what wrong" he said while trying to touch her shoulder

"really Chris don't baby me, you really don't know whats wrong" she looked at him like he was dumb

"no"

"wow Chris..you know what don't even bother im going to bed" she stood up from the stool and walked up the stairs

he watched her walk up the steps and then looked at the picture on the piano

"what happened to us" he whispered to himself

[lucacangettathisass]

how the light gets in (ch. 8)

SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.

PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN

TAGGING: @mountainhymn if you would like to be added to the tag list just lmk!

NOTES: so sorry for the slow update! ive been doing some full on hours at work (my manager literally told me that im doing full time hours despite being part time lmao rip) so that’s been leaving me a little drained lmao but hey at least we got there!

more mentions of low self esteem, those are gonna be a lot more prevalent from here on out actually.

on another note, i’ve been wondering if i should rewrite this as an oc fic rather than a reader one. thoughts? i might not even do it, but im curious to hear what you guys think.

anyways, hope you all enjoy! and dont forget, likes are nice but reblogs are what motivate creators the most!

p.s. pls check out waking up slow by mountainhymn!!!! it is so wonderful im still crying

“Well, it really all started with my momma.” You felt yourself begin to fidget and made an effort to stand completely still. “She got a job working for a wealthy Russian widow, Mrs Zamolodchikova.”

Mr Morgan let out a low whistle. “Now that’s a name.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “A lot of Russian names are like that. As I was saying, she hired my momma to be a maid when I was still very young. Mrs Zamolodchikova treated us very well, we even lived in a little cottage she had on her land.”

Despite all the years that had passed, you still thought of that cottage fondly. It had been small and not impressive by any means, but it had been your home for most of your childhood. You had a lot of good memories of it.

“I...I lost my momma when I was seven.” Even now, twelve years later, it hurt to say. Your mother had been your whole world, everything began and ended with her, and it had never once occurred to you when you were a child, that you would one day have to face the world without her. She loved you too much to do that to you. And then it happened anyway.

You had never experienced a heart break like it before, or since.

“I’m very sorry to hear that.” Mr Matthews said gently.

“It’s alright.” You assured him, trying to speak around the lump that always formed in your throat whenever you thought about losing your mother. “She had been ill for as long as I could remember, it was only a matter of time.”

“I imagine your aunt and uncle took you in?”

“They wanted to, but Mrs Zamolodchikova stepped in. She said that she saw it as her Christian duty to take me in as a ward, and that’s what I became.” It had stunned you at the time to learn that Mrs Zamolodchikova cared for you that much. You would always be grateful for her kindness, it had changed your life. “She had no children of her own, so I think she wanted me to fill that gap.”

“That was very kind of her.” Mr Matthews sounded surprised, and you supposed that it made sense. You couldn’t imagine that he had come across many people willing to take in the child of an employee, particularly among the rich. You certainly had never seen such a thing in your time among them.

You nodded in agreement. “She taught me etiquette and how to behave in upper class circles, and as I got older I became her companion. That was how I met Mr Cornwall.”

A spark appeared in Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes, and you knew that you really had his full interest now. “How did that come about?”

“He was looking for investors in his business, he was just starting out you see, and he needed some capital.”

“So he went to Mrs Zamolodchikova?” Mr Van Der Linde asked. “She must’ve been rather rich.”

“Exceedingly so.” You said. “Her family is very old Russian money, and when she came to America with her husband, her wealth only grew, even after he died. I imagine Mr Cornwall thought that if he could convince her to invest, he would have an easy time of building his empire.”

“Did he?” Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes sparkled with a kind of devious curiosity, the kind most often found in children. “Convince her to invest that is.”

“I’m afraid not. Mrs Zamolodchikova found him rather...disagreeable.” A part of you still cringed on the inside just thinking about that meeting. It had started off well, and Mr Cornwall had certainly been polite enough, but once his true character came out, it all started to go downhill rather rapidly.

“In what way?”

You hesitated slightly. “Well, I mean, one doesn’t wish to disparage others when they don’t have the opportunity to defend themselves.”

A chuckle came from Mr Van Der Linde, and you even saw a corner of Mr Morgan’s mouth twitch.

“We just want your honest opinion, that’s all.” Mr Matthews assured you. “No need to be disparaging.”

You paused, trying to think of the right way to phrase it. “Mr Cornwall...well, Mrs Zamolodchikova and I found him to be rather...brusque and arrogant. When Mrs Zamolodchikova turned down his request, he got rather upset and he seemed to take it as a personal affront.”

“She must’ve grown to regret that.” Mr Van Der Linde mused.

“Not at all. Mrs Zamolodchikova was happy for him of course, but she was also happy she rejected him. She said she couldn’t imagine being in business with someone so...tasteless.”

“Tasteless in what way?” Mr Matthews asked.

“Well he was...very new money.” When you saw the looks of confusion on the mens’ faces, you tried to think of a better way to phrase it. “He was something of a show off, and a little gaudy. He wore a lot of gold, I imagine to try and impress, but it came off as vain and rather insecure. Mrs Zamolodchikova was very critical of that kind of thing, and when she saw how self aggrandizing he became after his success, she grew to dislike him even more.”

Mr Van Der Linde nodded slowly, and you could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “It sounds like you’ve lead a rather interesting life.”

“I suppose you could say that.” Your eyes roamed over the two older men again. “I imagine that wasn’t the kind of information you wanted, my apologies Mr Van Der Linde.”

Despite your fears, the black haired man smiled and waved a hand. “It’s fine Miss [Last name]. I was just curious, that’s all. Javier, why don’t you walk her back to where she’s staying?”

“Sure thing boss.”

You turned to leave with Mr Escuella, but you hesitated just as he put a hand on the door knob. “Wait.” All eyes were back on you, and you felt yourself flush, but you felt that you needed to get this out. “I just-I just wanted to add that Mr Cornwall is a very powerful man, and in my opinion, and in the opinion of mutual acquaintances that he and I share, he is lead more by pride and ego than wisdom. He doesn’t take insults lightly and can be rather harsh.” You were very careful and deliberate with your words, not wanting to seem like you knew better, but still wanting to convey your feelings of apprehension.

Mr Van Der Linde raised an eyebrow, and you got the feeling that he understood what you were trying to say. “Duly noted Miss.”

You nodded, and turned back to Mr Escuella, this time actually following him outside.

“You must’ve lived a pretty good life for a while.”

You shrugged and felt yourself blush heavily. “I suppose.” It always somewhat embarrassed you, knowing how different your life had been from other people, especially those who were born into the same class as yourself. “I honestly just think I got lucky.” You looked down at your feet. “Don’t feel so lucky now though.”

A heavy silence hung between you two, and you had to bite the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from crying.

“Sorry.” You said softly. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my woes.”

“It’s ok.” Mr Escuella assured you, his voice kind again. “Considering everything you’ve been through, I’d say you have a right to let your feelings out.”

You looked at Mr Escuella in surprise. You hadn’t really thought about it like that. “You’re very kind.” You said sincerely. “Sadie might not think so but I certainly do.”

That brought a bright smile to Mr Escuella’s face, which made you smile in turn. You always enjoyed making people smile, it made you feel good, and you felt that it proved that you were useful and worth something for once.

“You’re a sweet kid.” Mr Escuella’s eyes were shining, although you couldn’t hazard a guess as to why. “Don’t let anyone beat that out of you, ok?”

“I-Ok.” You weren’t sure how else you should respond, being so unused to compliments from strangers. You watched as he held the door to the house with the other women open. “Are you not coming in?”

“Nah.” He smiled. “You stay warm ok?”

“Of course, and you as well Mr Escuella.” You went inside, and no sooner was the door closed that you were practically swarmed by Miss Jones, Miss Gaskill, and Miss Jackson.

“What did they want?”

“You weren’t gone for very long, did everything go alright?”

“Are you allowed to say?”

You felt yourself flush as you tried to keep track of who was asking which question. “It was nothing special.” You said. “They just wanted to know how I knew Mr Cornwall.”

Of course they all also wanted to know, and so you told them what you had told Mr Van Der Linde, Mr Matthews, Mr Morgan, and Mr Escuella-omitting your warning at the end.

Much like the men, they were stunned to hear your story.

“So you grew up pretty well to do.” Miss Jones said, in a tone that sounded impressed and envious.

“I-Well, yes, I suppose.” The embarrassment from earlier had returned. “I was extremely privileged.”

“What was it like?” Miss Gaskill asked, sounding wistful. “Being in that world?”

You paused, trying to think of a good way to describe it.

“When I was a little girl, it was dazzling.” You confessed. “All those men and women in their finery...it looked like an entirely different world. Like a fairy tale.”

“Oh yeah?” Miss Jackson raised a brow. “Meet any prince charmings?”

You laughed. “I met some well to do gentlemen if that’s what you mean.”

“I think she means suitors.” Miss Gaskill said with a giggle, and an eager look on her face. “Well, did you?”

“Oh!” A scorching heat unlike any of the others from before overcame you, and you felt your throat dry up. “I-Well-no.” You stammered, looking askance out of embarrassment.

“Really?”

You looked up and saw Miss Roberts looking at you with surprise. “You mean none of them tried to…” She trailed off, leaving you to fill in the blank.

“Not at all.” You said, your flush worsening. “After all, I was just a maid’s daughter.”

And therein lies the rub.

No matter how much you learned or how you dressed or how you behaved, everyone knew that you were just the daughter of a maid who Mrs Zamolodchikova had taken pity on. Most of them had been polite enough, but that boundary had always been there, and always would be. You had grown accustomed to it, the way one would grow accustomed to a permanent limp. And it left you with what you imagined would be the same level of alienation. It was one of the many unfortunate side effects of being born as yourself, and one you had learned how to deal and navigate the world with.

But it would always be a fairy tale to you. Beautiful, grand, never within your reach no matter how well you knew it. And you would always be that little girl that chased after it with every breath in her chest.

[one-abuse-survivor]

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken. 

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl. 

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't. 

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph! 

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

[etherealskeletons]

OKAY SO . . .

I was left alone while Dad was dealing with the family and shit. The camper were in has a toilet but I hate it bc it's so cramped and it's askew?? My ass had to shit so I had to get ALL the courage to go walk a couple houses down and across the street to use a gas station bathroom [nd I did it!! It was terrifying going somewhere alone;;] my "room" smells like cat litter and it's very small and the rest of the camper smells like a stinky old dog. My "bed" is also above the water pump so anytime dad uses the bathroom or sink it makes this hella loud noise like AAAGGGHHUGGGGGHHHH so ye sleeping sucks but that's the reality babey

I ended up spending a lot of time with the wife and toddler. Wife is very awkward but kinda nice, doesn't ask a whole lotta questions, had a rough life. She's like 31 and the dude she's with is in his 50s and he's such a dink named Dale, I hate him and think she could do hella better but I think she's got shit self esteem, shes also extremely religious and became a hardcore Trump supporter after she married him so.. h..?? Anyway she was VERY SURPRISED when baby loved me and instantly bonded with me, baby is hella fun all she wants to do is play and I swing her around and feed her and her mom starts saying I would be a great mom and I should marry an older man like she did. She asked what kinda boys I'm into nd when I said greasy goth boys she looked SO DISAPPOINTED and told me older men are the way to go;; SO everything was fine until she was starting to make dinner then she started stressing the fuck out and saying shit like "Dale is gonna be so mad that it isn't ready when he comes come from work" and she's like hella pregnant and she also has to clean the cat box bc he doesn't wanna do it but?? I thought pregnant people weren't allowed to do that?? But fuck that he's a man he can't possibly clean a litter box

Anything I say the wife always goes "I was there once too but then I found god, married a nice older man and I'm a mom, things are great. U should do it too :)" like ew girl no.. I may hate myself, but I don't hate myself THAT much! She's also not on board with me cutting my hair and wants me to be ~girl~. SHE WAS ALSO TELLIN ME THAT SHE DOESNT SUPPORT THE LEFT AT ALL AND DOESNT BELIEVE IN THINFS LIKE FREE HEALTHCARE OR HANDOUTS EVEN THO SHES POOR AS HELL!! THEY DONT EVEN HAVE GOOD WALLS U CAN SEE THE OUTSIDE?? THERES NO REAL KITCHEN??? NO INSULATION??? BABY ROOM DOESNT EVEN HAVE ANY DAMN WALLS???? GIRL U NEED THOSE HANDOUTS UR LIVING IN SHIT!! U NEED A DENTIST GIRL UR GUMS!!! U ALSO LIVE UP NORTH WHY ARE U ACTING LIKE A SOUTHERN HICK;;; ALSO THEYRE SUPER RACIST AND SEXIST IM JUS???? THEYRE LIVIING LIKE ITS THE 50S;;;;; AND THEYRE SO HATEFUL TO OTHER RACES/SEXUALITIES BUT THEYRE CHRISTIANS??? WHICH ARE SUPPOSE TO FOLLOW CHRIST AND BE KIND LIKE???? H E L L O?????? THEYRE LIKE THE SUPER KIND OF RELIGIOUS TOO WHERE U WEAR JEAN SKIRTS;;; THEYLL SAY JESUS IS LOVE ND W/E AND THEN PROCEED TO SAY RLY BAD SWEARS IN FRONT OF THEIR 1 YEAR OLD FDMNSBHJFSD;;;;

They don't get along with their neighbors, idk why they just don't. Neighbors blast music for the whole neighborhood to hear, they have a million dogs and pigs, I guess theres a gay kid bc husband is VERY VOCAL about how much he hates that "f*ggot" nd I jus;;;; I feel for that kid like Jesus Christ...

So that night it's me, dad, wife husband baby, and husband's foster son and his wife (they're like pushing 40). We're eating and this emo teen boy comes over and dumps out a vacuum in the Dale's backyard and he's PISSED!! Everyones yelling at the kid and Dale goes out to scream at the kid and he calls him the F slur multiple times and the kid says he's gonna call the sheriff bc he's doing a hatecrime and he's all "ITS NOT A HATECRIME ITS WHAT U ARE U F*GGOT" AND EVERYONRS AGREEING WITH HIM BUT ME AND MY DAD WERE JUS SITTIN THERE DYIN;; HE LITERALLY WENT OUT WITH HIS HAND ON HIS GUN LIKE DUDE CMON THE KIDS LIKE 16;;; WHATRE U DOIN;;; THATS A KID DALE WHAT THE FUCK MAN??? So the kids parents came over and started threatening to call the cops and Dale was like "fuck u I didn't do nothing wrong, sit on it and rotate! At least I can own a gun unlike u, u dumb felon bitch!!" Hhfhh??? Extremely embarrassing, I hate that theyre using such nasty language in front of a 1 year old and that they're so intolerant and trashy ouuffff

Next day the wife apologizes for Dale's actions but she's like "I can't fucking stand f*ggots, they're all so disgusting. And tr*nnies too like? they're just ruining their perfect bodies, can you believe that?" And it's taking everything in me to not be like "girl I'm not straight, cis, religious, OR a trump supporter.."

[ofasteroids]

CHRISTIAN’S TWENTY FIVE GIFTS OF CHRISTMAS FOR LOTTIE !!

GIFT TWENTY SIX OF TWENTY FIVE: xavier kennedy's christmas carol.

'twas the night before christmas when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that st. nicholas soon would be there. xavier was nestled, snug in his bed, but visions of sugar plums did not dance in his head. instead, mirages of ghosts haunted his head, a christmas haunting... but not by the dead.

the clock struck twelve, and soon the dreamland before him transformed to the past—when the little boy prince was always picked last... and now he’s haunted by the ghost of christmas past.

little xavier paraded into the room, his sister eliza and brother george soon followed suit. it was christmas day, 2003, and the kids all could not wait to see what gifts santa claus had brought for them. first thing was first, they had to check their stockings, hung by the fireplace, a warm breeze of heat blowing from the fire ablaze. 

the kennedys had always had a rule: everyone had to wait their turn... so poor little xavier watched as his sister began to pull wonders from her stocking. a twinge of jealousy built up inside of him, but xavier contained it... barely. it seemed every year he was thought of last. he watched in envy as the girl pulled out troves of candy canes and chocolates and gingerbread galore. next, his brother ravaged through his stocking, waiting in agonizing anticipation... finally, it was his turn to pull out treasures from the red and white sock, decorated with green glitter. 

the feeling of joy filled the boy as he removed hershey kisses, peppermint flavored candy canes, shiny bright red twizzlers, bags of m&ms—the six year old was practically in candyland... but as he pulled more and more, his tiny fingers wrapped around something coarse and rough. confusion was written across his face as he revealed a lump of coal from the stocking. surely, he hadn’t been that bad. while he had his moments, xavier had striven to be on his best behavior for the fear of this exact moment. the young prince’s head turned to face his mother.

“ mãe... w-was i really that bad??  ” he questioned, tears swelling his young eyes. a puzzled look came upon her face—though xavier didn’t know it then, he’d later understood it that she hadn’t placed the coal in the stocking.

“ no, meue bebê, you weren’t... it must’ve been a mistake, ” his mother whispered to him as her fingers combed through her son’s hair. xavier’s tears soaked her pajamas as he continued to ask questions about santa. it hurt the young woman to see her child in such pain over something so silly, so minuscule. she almost considered telling him the truth right then and there—that it was all just a big lie, a hoax to spread christmas cheer. she decided against it, believing it might just bring more tears, not just for xavier, but for little ellie and george too.

“ it’s okay, xavier !! you can have some of my candy, bubba !!  ” eliza reassured him, patting him on the back. george chimed in too, promising him some of his candy too. xavier sniffled as they all embraced him, and soon enough, the pain that came along with the lump of call subsided.

laughter erupted from the american king’s belly. little did xavier know who the real culprit was. the moment his mother heard the voluminous laughter filling the room, she stood up. xavier didn’t know why, but his parents were soon leaving the room, leaving the children to listen in as sounds of shouting made their way into the living room. xavier didn’t understand why they had to fight all the time. it broke his tiny little heart a little more each time... especially on christmas day.

another hour gone, the american prince was still fast asleep. but little did he know he was in for a peek... into the christmas of the present, one that had yet to be spent... filled with love and cheer, enough to last the years.

xavier collapsed onto his husband—yes, his husband. still panting from just moments before, he traced circles into albie’s arm while he left kisses along the english prince’s shoulders. there was a happiness he’d never known on christmas before that filled his whole body, and it was all thanks to albie. xavier swore he’d never been happy before he finally got to be with the love of his life, and it was true... he’d never truly experienced a genuine happiness. and now, he owed it all to albie.

“ well, i think that was just about the best christmas gift you could’ve given to me, ��� xavier whispered with a giggle, head resting on the boy’s chest. he presses a kiss to albie’s lips before he sits up in their bed, lined with red satin sheets, just for the holidays. his eyes glazed over the slightly older male, hearts practically radiating from his deep mocha hues. “ i’ll be right back, ” xavier hummed before he tiptoed out of their bedroom.

he snuck off to their living room, to steal one of his presents for albie, along with a pair of reindeer ears and a santa hat. xavier paraded back into the room before he set the gift down on the bed. he placed the reindeer ears on albie before throwing on the santa hat. 

“ i just wanted to tell you... i can’t thank you enough for how great you’ve made me feel this past year, albert arthur windsor. and i know you doubt me sometimes, but i love you more than i’ve loved anyone or anything, ” xavier started. “ before i met you, there was a void inside of me... b-but you make me feel great about myself, like i deserve to be here, like i have a meaning. i never had that before. i was in a really dark place, a-and i never told you this before, but i almost, well... ended it a few times, but something told me to wait it out each time.. and i’m so glad i did ‘cause i wouldn’t have you if i did that.

“ you’ve made this year so memorable, alb. there’s so many good memories, and i know there’s millions more to come with you, and i just want to spend every single second with you... i want to just stay awake forever so i can watch over you while you sleep so no one touches a hair on your pretty little head. i want to just to smother you in kisses all the time.. but that’s not always possible, so i guess i have to settle on just telling you how i feel.. that’s not as a good as what i’d like, though. a-anyway, i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. you’re my happy ending, and you’re my favorite brit... you’re my favorite american. my favorite person in the world, ” xavier gushed, a pink heart overcoming his cheeks.

“ so, i want to give you, your first present... your american citizenship and our first picture together in a frame, ” he spoke, opening the box to reveal two golden frames.

“ merry christmas, albie windsor... merry christmas, ” xavier whispers, a smile forming on his lips/

dawn approaches as the third bell chimes, and a dream to come that extends beyond the hands of time. with children dancing and christmas dinner filled with lots of laughing. a dip into the christmas of the future, with xavier next to his suitor.

xavier was awoken by the pitter patter of bare feet entering their room. groggily, the thirty seven year old king sat up in his bed, a smile forming on his lips. he picked up each kid one by one to put them on the bed.

“ let’s wake up your daddy all on three, okay ??  we’re gonna tell ‘im merry christmas and then attack him with kisses, got it ??  ” he whispers at the kids. “ and don’t pinch your daddy, got it, ellie ??  okay.. one, two, three, ” he counted down before nudging albie a bit with his elbow.

merry christmases fill the air as xavier watched his husband arise from his slumber. a kiss is pressed to albie’s lips immediately before their six kids pile up on them, attacking them with enough love to make the world go round. 

it’s quickly brought to a halt when little eleanor broke the love fest with a plea, “ can we open presents now that daddy’s up?! ” a giggle fell from xavier’s lips as he pressed a kiss to his little girl’s nose. xavier managed to free himself from his family to arise from his bed. the american king carried his eldest daughter into the living room, albie and the rest of the kids following his lead. xavier took a seat next to his husband of sixteen years, hand grasping at the slightly older male’s. “ ‘s our dream, innit ??  buncha kids runnin’ around and us still madly in love as ever??  ” xavier whispered as he pressed another kiss to albie’s lips. 

“ you’re still my favorite christmas gift of all, albie windsor. ”  

xavier awoke, still in a daze from his dream. he’d never been so worked up from a dream before. memories of past hurt flooded back into his mind, but they were soon erased by the joy of what he’d seen was to come... and then in a twinkling, he heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each hoof. he arose from his bed to glance at the window to spot old st. nick atop his roof... but xavier knew that the greatest gift of all was fast asleep in his bed. and then st. nick sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. but xavier heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—“happy christmas to all, and to all a good night!” ...and xavier knew it would be a very, very happy christmas, the first of many.

[heterophobiclesbean]

I feel bad for people who get involved in the ace/inclusionist community before they find out that they’re not ace. I thought I was ace after I came out just because of internalized homophobia but I very much was not and the whole community just shames people for liking sex and I’m still ashamed for having sex because of it. It’s just bad.

100% agree. i thought I was ace for about 6 months in high school because while i knew i didnt want to be with men, i also had so much internalized homophobia and shame, so I thought I also didn’t want to be with women. It was so much easier for me to call myself ace rather than analyze what was actually going on with me

and thats not to say there aren’t any gay ace people, or that everyone who thinks they are ace actually arent ace, or that all ace people have internalized shit to deal with. but the ace community on here pushes REALLY HARD for people to ID as ace, or at least on the ace-spectrum (the concept of an ace spectrum is an issue for a whole other time, but its really not a spectrum - either you are ace, or you are not). And for so many young kids who grew up getting told over and over again that being gay is wrong and dirty and sinful and what have you and that gay sex is a sin and all that, they repress the hell out of that. I definitely did. and so I felt ace because all of my friends were hooking up with guys and going on dates and shit and i was like??? soooo not into that. but i didnt want to be into women, either, because that would mean that i was a lesbian and i didnt want to be a lesbian. i didnt want to deal with all that shit. so my brain said i was ace because i couldnt be a lesbian because i have long hair or whatever bullshit and that was that

it would be less of an issue if like. a key aspect of homophobia didnt include hypersexualizing gay people and demonizing them for it, because thats what makes young gay people repress. i didnt think i was a lesbian because the idea of going down on a girl or a girl going down on me freaked me out and made me uncomfortable. that had so much more to do with the fact that 1. womens sexuality is taboo 2. oral sex is taboo 3. gay sex is taboo 4. i had never seen any positive, healthy portrayals of lesbian relationships before 5. i was taught growing up to never look at my vagina and to wait until marriage to have good christian missionary sex with my heterosexual husband. of course eating pussy was out of the question for me! not because i wasnt a lesbian but because that shit was so demonized for me and i was young and scared and impressionable!

thats the main reason im in this discourse anymore. because i know im not really gonna change anyones minds about whether cishet aces are “queer enough” or whatever bullshit. its because i know there is probably some other kid out there, who is young, in an unsupportive home, who has learned all kinds of false stereotypes about gay people and is still working on dispelling them. because that kid is going to see posts like “ahaha aces are so QWIRKY because we can get WORK DONE without thinking about THE SEX THING LOL!!!!!” and think they must be ace because every survival instinct in their body is shutting all of their gay shit down.

im not saying ace people dont have self-actualization issues related to being ace. im not saying nobody struggles with that. but the mentality much of the ace community has demonizes gay people in a way that masks itself as liberal and revolutionary when its really just classic homophobia, and dolled-up homophobia in all kinds of laces and bows is the LAST thing closeted LGBT kids need to help them come to terms with themselves.

[karenfordonte]

omg dumb nightmare turned into best dream lol riri fixed it...yet again  lol

fentybeauty posted that pic 4/18/22 see source at bottom for link

when posting this on tumblr on 4/23/22

i heard “karen” front door close “i’ll get her” (idk who’s voice that was)

Still editing this post/Rough Draft:

right before i went to sleep last night around 1 am cause i was laying down a while and couldnt sleep till after this part on the tv for a reason lol:

the  tv said jesus wont go to jail it was christian music lol  of a black choir like singing of a group and one of the lead singers? i wasnt really looking at it long but one singer looked like the mom in jays brokemas video but just the hair lol (im used to people doing me wrong lol so i was a little worried about what ifs lol then that song helped me)

i kept waking up like 4 or more times last night i caught myself rubbing my belly when i woke up 2 or 3 times  im like uh .......... i was doing that in my sleep hope it aint a sign lol but im against abortion i always gave god the say when i get pregnant or not so yeah

written 7:23 am 4/21/2022 i had a dream nikko from christas house threatened to beat me up if i dont give him a cig for some reason lol and when i said no and wanted to tell people on fb he made a bunch of gun noises and i thought it was a real gun so i hid behind the dresser and door in my parents old house my little kid room and my cell phone wouldnt call 911 then roger from the board and care the staff guy he and raphael some of the good staff there already stopped him and roger showed me rihanna's wedding dress she designed for my surprise wedding with her it was amazing it had wording all on it cut out very intricate kinda like a snowflake but better so i think it was gonna go on top of a darker color cause the cut out word part was all white and the left boob is the only part i was allowed to read it said "karen" lol and im like roger are you sure thats for me from rihanna to double and tripple check and he was laughing and saying yes lol

and when i woke up her voice told me "i'll get you soon cause you're used to just putting up with other people's bs" lol + more its more than that but omg im hoping lol

(i woke up a bit earlier the sun was rising i smoked then when i layed down i was nauseous but didnt dry heave lol so yeah)

ps the first xaara dream the valentines day one = when we were jumping from hotel room to hotel room it was just us im like oh duh lol

cause sometimes when the voice would be tricky of bs lol i felt forced at times to share elante with other people not our whole soul but i had to put puzzle pieces together and not be like .....look... some people believe jesus is all womens husband i saw it on my mom's fb pic she posted a jesus bible or bom quote about he's their bridegroom or somethin lol but before i thought i must be a jesus in the way of im really nice etc and loving and meek etc yeah the voice lied and i was really naive and young lol i was 17 it told me why do you not wanna give everyone sex energy when it can help their bodies not feel pain etc i was too like oh uh ok cause what got me was im too caring about others discomforts but i put together more and more how to know which voice vibes to trust but im still careful but im getting more progress with it as i age lol alot more like even i tried to force me to do my cliche jesus me character during hard times but i just cant stay addicted to even that guy lol im too addicted to elantes so yeah lol id rather have my fave person in the whole world my elantes as my only romance partners my real twin flames  lol they are extentions of rihanna's selves when in true form lol so yeah

i am mainly addicted to only rihanna and skisst the most though for now i go slow lol

it cheers me up the most in the day when i can sense them in different ways :)

Escape The Fate - Friends And Alibis

ok so i made a task board for keeping a schedule to do lists every day , i keep a calendar for things like appointments, i keep keep notes for notes like shopping lists and things like what to remember to ask  the dr lol  but also budgetting, and keeping track of cigs i smoke a day there too cause im too lazy to pre roll them out and i wanna keep track to make sure i budget right and not smoke too much i wanna keep it under 13 for sure each day for now but yeah lol i think i can do it cause theres some creepy bugs out there lol and i wanna be more productive here anyways lol been callin insurance etc updating addresses and number  settin up rides etc lol

riri song references funny ^ hints <3 im getting a short hair cut monday i want all the dyed parts gone lol i cant tell where that mark is but i'll ask lol but i want it very short anyways though lol i cant donate it cause it was dyed lol oh well its very healthy and thick now and the pony tail is around a ruler size and barely breaks when i brush it and no knots lol but i hate long hair care etc for me its too much of a hassle i love short 'boy' hair and not brushing it cause its short anyways lol and no heavy ass pony tail bs i dont like it in my face either lol etc  since a kid so yeah

heard this one for the first time age 28 lol:

oh btw that song taught me how to spell tear right i thought tare was the shredding definition and tear = cry ohhhhhh lol tearing = ripping etc i thought tearing = crying only lol lmfao its cause my tara dream in the dream im like how do you spell it teara? she said tara so it took me till later to add teara as an aka cause she cries alot like me especially of being in love in focus so sweet felt etc yeah it hits me so great at times mmmm especially here lol i think i cried 3 different days here already of how much love i have for elantes but if i focus on them alot id do that all the time i can feel them enough for sure im already getting wet eyed and smiley again mmmmm lol they know me too good lmfao

i think halsey is a skisst :)

omg i just looked up her tattoos right after: (the arrow of the two mouths kissing exactly what kwins fb banner was back when she met me first but her banner was a photo of 2 lesbians one lip biting saying "i wanna do bad stuff with you" lol i tried to google that pic before i  cant find it lol )

which is basically what halseys other tattoo means lol:

halsey's tattoos:

mmmmhmmm thats her all right

oh a white butterfly fly on me today lol

and today i saw two spiders two different times in this day but i was saved by denise then joe lmfao denise killed one for me it was kinda next to me some  then the other one was on the arm of my chair later and   i got up so fast i dropped my phone lmfao good thing obama phones can get dropped alot lol and not break at all but yeah lol then i told joe later i cant sit in my chair and why so he inspected it all in front of me now i can sit there yay im spoiled

i took a nap just woke up at 6:47 pm man elantes are so hot lol i love when they soul sex = certain kind of love buzzes from gods to wake me up lol and then the tv said "when i woke up i saw the sun" that one song lol

oh oh it was this part my bad lol lol: "I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign" when i was little i always thought sign sad sun instead lmfao mmmmm Ace of Base - The Sign (Official Music Video)

i admit donte 'sleeps' a ton still but they woke me up right before my body took a nap they word stuff alot for me but know exactly how i am im a nicest sweetest innocent baby cliche  only lol yes when they told me what happened before my nap i had to be emotional and roah had to take over then i slept lol

they mentioned this song to me: the "i dont even know how to hold it" - Atmosphere - Always Coming Back Home To You, to relate to that this morning dream with nikko:

Atmosphere - Always Coming Back Home to You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WBee_bmGu4

in that dream like he had a machine gun and right when he was about to shoot me my darn phone wasnt working  i was saved by raphael and roger   lol (that dream morphed some of my life together when i was being chased by nikko when he was just gonna punch me at first i thought (i always was pretty generous with my cigs at times)  it reminded me of being that young age of when i had that room it was that wildomar mobile home house i grew up in age 5  till age 16 or 17 we moved but my dad used to scare me alot just for his fun and chase me i hated that shit i would cry and scream and when nikko pukes he sounds exactly like my dad when he pukes every time

Atmosphere - The Woman With The Tattooed Hands https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9nbwHQPKA

i had morning sickness only today again i ate breakfast and lunch a bit late to make sure my stomach was ready i do that in the mornings sometimes lol i got with feeling but i had a busy day with making sure my todo list was all checked off and so ima make sure i eat dinner cause im getting hungry again but a hole isnt 'puckered' anymore its able to open on its own now i noticed but still needed some help so i opened another laxitive package lol thats number 5 i wanted a break on the weekend from using them for different reasons till today but im sure ill be able to go easier probably tonight lol its still hard in there it was stuck lol so i thought one more is necessary so yeah

9:18 pm man wtf  the butthole got swollen shut again i was so close it was normal then wtf happened man idk atleast i have a primary dr visit soon i googled if its a side effect of peg3350 laxitive i cant find anything so weird man

i didnt notice it was like 'glued' shut i used to call it till the end of being at christas house but i dont check it all the time so i just noticed the swollen non flat effect here

i know sometimes christa had chicken thawing out 4 days straight sometimes when mark wanted fast food in a row suprising her she never put it back in the freezer and sometimes it stank but she just said all she has to do is wash it in the sink and the heat when cooking kills the bacteria even though when she had the bag of raw chicken in the sink that whole time closed yeah but it still stank alot so she said she knew what she was doing so i trusted her but i dont wanna think about what ifs but i hope im ok

the poop is finally soft i had to manually take it out again yes washed hands and antibacterial hand sanitizer

but other than that its like still only a tiny bit in there  im just gonna wait to try to go again till after i see the dr lol

when i got the endoscopy at first christa said i dont have to go if i dont want to but on the day of my appointment she told me i am going and she made us all breakfast though (she rarely makes breakfast or lunch we usually have to make those 2 meals ourselves)

im like wait after i ate just a piece of toast and she made me coffee im like im supposed to fast

and she still took me to go

she was honest with them that i ate that morning and so was i

they said ok we'll try to attempt it

but the anethesia usually doesnt hurt me but that one did really bad

but it knocked me out fast at least

after i got my diagnosis slow digestion the nurse said my digestion was probably marked slow because i ate a bit in the morning but

it seems hella slow though still

she said she got endoscopy before i mean come on

that stomach dr place was GI-Excellence in hemet

i dont think its utis i think it might be stomach infections then

cause on fb one of my last posts talked about a new wiping a certain way before   peeing in cup technique not let it drip down the butt hole technique is barely any white blood cells so she said maybe infection maybe not

i think its stomach bacteria that was triggering the false utis most of the time

but its like why am i antibiotic resistant to alot that easily before cause she

possibly gave me fake antibiotics in my bottle

idk how many times per different type but

i know that cipro wasnt the right one based on the net

chicken was my least fave meal at that house but sometimes she made me eat it  

even though nikko would never cook the fried chicken right always bloody he said he didnt know how to read their temp thing when it says chicken not a temp lol and most of the time she made nikko make the chicken dinners anyways but one time when it stank she had me help her cut the bones like snap it etc but i never knew how before but ew

they used a square cooker for chicken that wasnt fried and that one was never bloody chicken but um

christa told me drs call you if results are serious

my old phone would mark even when off who called

this new one dont but i set up my voice mail just in case

the endoscopy took a biopsy for suspected possible h. pylori but never called me so i wasnt concerned

and so i  never went to the follow up visit

it says salmonella causes diareah so it would explain maybe possibly putting that in my food (her imodium)

cause im incotinent especially with diareah and pee . not really solid poop

the anti diareah pills she gave me her own prescription bottle of imodium but it doesnt match online pill descriptions but she was right 300 was the quantity on the lable she says she gets those all the time she had extra bottles in her room i only had diareah there 5 different times

most was when i first got to her house

the last 2 times was when i had sepsis those two times

since ive been incotinent it was hard so many times to pee in the cup  i couldnt find the stream most of the time

but heavenly mother possessed me last time i went to urgent care showed me how to wipe and stand a bit lean forward and pee she was like "i'll show you how" alot of times the nurses dont remember to give me the wipe too so i know to ask every time now

i mean christa had an iphone and her screen used to be cracked but not no more cause those 3 times she told me to google how she can get rid of stuck painful gas her net on her phone wasnt working and i didnt feel like standing long anyways so i was like good i dont have to that was after i posted about my constipated contractions i called it cause it hurt so bad twice shes usually always watching videos on her phone she says she pays for data on her phone and at the time the wifi was working for those 3 times she asked me to do that

atleast i feel way better than being at her house though cause no nausea for whole days mainly only in the mornings thats it i had like only 4 days here of sick the first day, the second day i think, and those two times i slept most of the day all the other days morning sickness only but had one day off i think free from nausea i think that was day 3 possibly

i mean she told me in the beggining her friend used to work at kfc and they fed people green chicken they kept in barrels and used to cook the bacteria off and the green color out  but she said thats why she dont like kfc but later she still bought us kfc when mark paid for it

i never liked the chicken in the square thing when nikko cooked it cause the skin felt too weird like raw like or chewy idk how to explain it but the inside was cooked but never seasoned right i need sauce for that shit to down it but often i just gave mine to someone else cause i dont crave chicken as a main dinner most of the time and it was im more of a red meat fan the most or good sea food like crab or shrimp or clam chowder or certain kind of oysters lol or bbq pork lol or good ham i told her i dont really like chicken that much since i was a kid but yeah lol i only like chicken with sauce or friend crunchy lol

they tried to feed blu their dog raw chicken at times but he never ate it till they cooked it they said

ugh i dont wanna think about that place right now bye

midnight: i tried going to sleep but

Rihanna - Stay ft. Mikky Ekko https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF8BRvqGCNs

i think i gotta shave my whole head lol i bought new soap and a new brush but my hair tie isnt washed but i hate long hair ugh some reason its still itchy usually not this much at this house still isnt as bad as the last house but ima throw away my old soaps and old brush oooo heavenly mother is putting god medicine on it lol cool it has a sudden anti itch cool refreshing effect soothing lol she told me i dont wanna know what made my scalp basically bleed the red hair dye and make my hair fall for that whole month out till i switched not using christas she gave me but like 2 boxes of different brands of hair dye etc doesnt sound like pro hair cutter she said she went to hair and make up  school

lol one time there was a homeless man and a random lady look through our trash seperatley seperate days  christa told me

so yeah fbi been on them

cause one time the dog control inspector guy in uniform came over to investigate if our dogs are housed good or not based on a complaint from someone anonymous but christa blamed it on her only neighboor marry cause she hates dogs barks sounds so much christa said she payed to have her dogs voice box removed but mary yelled towards the end when i was in the smoke room cause thats close to marys back yard she yelled "karen you are not harry potter" but its the same angry tone of voice she yells at her grandkids christa said those kids are in her back yard at sometimes i saw them jump on a trampoline too from the sun room before and heard them at times before from there but christa said she wanted to get back at mary by calling cps on her to get her gran kids taken away to get back at her

if mary is in on what christa was doing to me basically then she didnt call those dog inspectors lol they mustve been so paranoid in that case  

one time christa said she took a key to a strangers car in front of us when he wasnt around cause that car was too slow im like oh....it was at ricks store with the milk sign on the front where she buys her mangoritas every day the parkinglot

then towards the end christa told me she wanted to get back at her surgeon by me giving her bed bugs i capture for her to realease them in i thought she was gonna say her surgeons office name but  she said dr balu's office surprisingly im like uhm i have been putting them in a hand sanitizer bottle theyve been in liquid lol theyre dead lol it was true but im like i dont do shady evil shit you know

[diaryofanormalkid]

Soooo... that guy that likes me but I don’t really like him, I’m gonna just call him napkin guy/secret admirer... who’s not so secret?

Yeah so I was avoiding him at work today and sat somewhere else. And I kid you, not even a whole 2 mins later he finds me and sits down next to me 😭

So he goes “why you sitting all by yourself? why didn’t you come sit with me?” And I just said “I didn’t know you were here.” So he took that as an invitation to sit where I am.

So I am trying my best to be as casual/nonchalant as possible, remaining silent while he’s beside me. Not really asking questions or talking because I don’t want to talk to him.

I’m just minding my business eating, and all of a sudden he pulls out a note. I thought THIS is the day he gives me his number, but I made up my mind right there I wasn’t gonna take it.

So I’m like “what’s this, your number?” And he goes “no, it’s a note.” So I was VERY reluctant to open it. On the first side it said, “hi, BRIT. Turn to other side.”

So when I turned it to the other side, it said “you look very beautiful today.” So when I read that, I kinda blushed but like was trying to hold it back. So I kinda just brushed it off.

And I was building up the courage to tell him “I’m not into you like that.” But my mouth physically couldn’t form the words. Like I was so mad that my mouth betrayed me.

So I ended up just telling him “I’m getting weird vibes from you.” WHICH ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT I WANTED TO SAY 🤦🏾‍♀️ so he asks “how so?” And I literally COULDNT TELL HIM.

It was so awks for me. I was like stalling because I was blushing from him asking me “how so?”. So he took that as me being flattered. I was, but like not trying to show it.

So he starts putting words into my mouth like; “nobody’s ever given you a note like this before?” And I said “no. They usually just say it to my face. Which IN THE MOMENT YES I DID REALIZE IT SOUNDED ARROGANT.

Honestly I don’t care if I came off as arrogant to him. But he kept coming up with what he thought I wanted to say. But I just told him:

“No, let me formulate the words to tell you first. In the mean time, I’m just gonna eat.” And IN MY HEAD IM LIKE THIS IS BASICALLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF PRESSURE AS A BREAKUP.

so I was perfectly fine sitting in silence like while he kept me company, because it was better than him talking to me while I tried to eat. Every now and then he would ask some questions and I’d respond.

But there was hardly ever a conversation running for the whole duration of my break. So near the end of the break he asks again, “what weird vibes were you getting from me?”

And I just couldn’t say what I wanted to say, so I said “you know what? I couldn’t formulate the words so I guess today’s not the day you’re gonna be able to find out.”

So one point he asks, “do you want me to leave you alone so you can eat?” Or whatever... And i deadass said, “I’m just gonna be eating. You can do or go wherever you want.” So rudely.

I almost felt bad. ALMOST. But then he called me out and was like “woooow, that’s so rude.” Honestly I forgot the rest of what he said because I was so annoyed.

So I said, “how is that rude? I just told you, you have the liberty/freedom to go wherever you want. I’m giving you an option.” UGH like bro I’m not even playing games, I’m so serious.

Low and behold, he tells me he’s going to be rotating shifts so that he’ll now be back on mornings, 6-2pm. WHICH IS GREAT. Because I won’t have to see him for a while.

And I can have peace on my shifts for the first time in a while 🙄😩 Thank God.

So the last like 5 mins of my shift, his trainee comes up and he see’s us. He introduces us and I’m like in my head “why..... do you feel the need to introduce me??? Like just why?”

So I say hi and I’m talking more to this trainee guy than I’ve talked to him in the past like 20 mins! LIKE TAKE A HINT MAN?! saying oh “nice tattoos, so nostalgic. What are you gonna get next?

Do you want a sleeve of tattoos?” etc. Just dragging out questions about him the entire time, joking around even. And then HE comes in and starts saying “idk man, I would never get a sleeve.”

And I wanted to roll my eyes. UGH. He was like “naw, when I have to go to heaven and God’s like what’s this? I don’t want to be rejected for having too many tattoos.”

Something like that and honestly I zoned out, I was so uninterested in what he had to say. But point of this is, he ends up giving the trainee guy a pamphlet for “Salvation.”

I kid you not. And he knows I’m Christian and everything, but like the trainee guy was like “oh, I think it’s too late for me. I’m best friends with Satan.” Like, ouch 😬.

And uhh idk that was so weird, like what even was that convo. So then he tries to give the pamphlet to me, and he’s like “here, you can read it for your salvation.”

And I’m like “you read it for YOUR salvation!” And I started getting up to leave as they were laughing at me because apparently something I said was funny 😑

***

Later, my managers’ husband (who is an environmental/janitor at my workplace) calls me over very seriously and the look on his face made it seem like I was in trouble.

So he goes “this is none of my business, but that guy you were at the table, the black guy, yeah don’t get involved with him because he has...you know, kids.” Long story short. ☕️

Sooooo already from the jump I was like ALL GOOD BC YA GIRL DOESNT LIKE HIM AND HES NOT FINNA PLAY ME ANYWAYS 🤷🏾‍♀️ BUT STILL THIS WAS TEA!!!

So I was like “ohh okay, I’m not even like that with him. Like we’re not....” and I just left it at that because I was so uncomfortable since the relationship me and my managers husband have is so weird...

The fact that he even saw us was so embarrassing to me because I didn’t want ppl to associate me with him, and now look 🤦🏾‍♀️ he done saw us 😭

So I thanked him for the heads up after and I felt kinda chill after that. But the fact that he felt the need to tell me that, I FEEL RELIEVED TBH.

Either way though, if this guy is truly trying to play me well you’re not doing a very good job, dude. 🙄

Like I’m a fricking kid and you have kids so can you like just leave me?! I’m just tryna get this shmoney and education so I can survive in this EFFED up economy 🙄

I have to say though, I felt so weird that my managers husband wanted to tell me that. Or like that’s lowkey sus, like why would he tell me that? He doesn’t owe me anything?

I am so confused. Like girlllll THE DEVIL IS A LIE. IM NOT FINNA GET PLAYED BY A GUY I DONT EVEN LIKE. Nope not today honey! You THOUGHT. Anyways peace y’all.

💀😂🤦🏾‍♀️😩 this whole situation is a mess. 🙄