#NO IM HIGH RN I CANT DEAL WITH THAT
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killjoy-prince Ā· 11 months ago
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I FINALLY GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!
#prince's talk tag#OK SO!! I preordered this on amiami along with the rin and len version#bur for the last few months theyve been on back order so the release date kept getting pushed back#and i was cool with waiting it wasnt a big deal#but yesterday i was at kino with my friend and talking to them when my eyes saw the side that had the luka pic#and my brain was like 'why does that look familiar'#AND THEN I REMEMBER AND GASPED OUT LOUD#my friend thought i saw someone i had seen in ages and was about to catch up with them but NOPE!!!!#they only had this one and the meiko and miku ones. the rin and len ones werent there#and i just started telling my friend that ive been waiting MONTHS for this and couldnt believe i was seeing it with my own eyes#kino did price them kinda high but i decided to get it bc idk how long theyre gonna be backordered on it#at least now i have one of them. i can wait on the rin and len one#ngl they're bigger than i thought. i was expecting like tiny figures but theyre a bit bigger than a nendo#yo im so convinced that they packaged luka and kaito together bc meiko and kaito are the popular duo and luka and miku are a popular duo#so by separating them they can get people to buy both#(no separating the kagamines tho)#BUT AS A KAILUKA SHIPPER THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME#i almost didnt want to take them out of the box but i wanna display them#i cant believe there exists a box that has them both like wow i really love it#im looking at them on my dresser rn and they make me sooooo happy#man i love them!! great buy on my part#i was gonna put this with my haul post imma make rn but i wanted one with just them bc. look at them!!!
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draklorn Ā· 4 months ago
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i need to think of a hc to write about so i can rotate devan around in my brain in a productive way
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hexados-on-a-string Ā· 1 year ago
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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elegyofthemoon Ā· 1 year ago
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need to stop getting into things w dead kingdoms and having the ability to walk through their ruins its so good but also owie :(
#snow speaks#i just come out REALLY really sad#like idk#the forest kingdom in nier automata if that counts#enkanomiya. sal vindagnyr. tsurumi island.#ender lilieeeees#i cant play that game for a long time bc i just start crying and bawling over every note i encounter#that and i also suck at this game so.bad but I TRY AND I HAVE THE SPIRIT TO KEEP GOING LMAO#tbh id argue maybe the vidyadhara as well but they still exist and some form of their nation/kingdom exists anyways#a part of me is wondering... are they gonna do the sunchildren thing w the vidyadhara#like#UH#oh my god hold on let me tag this here anyways#snow plays hsr#IM NOT PLAYING RN IM JUST THINKING#but with the sunchildren it was all about this big council the jibashiri taking control of the whole kingdom to deal wrongdoings#but using a child as the puppet head and the shield against the peoples anger#its weird though bc the preceptors had a discussion after dan fengs sedition that the concept of high elder is outdated#that the power should return to the people#oKAY SO WHY DO WE STILL HAVE A HIGH ELDER? PRECEPTORS? HELLO????? (bailu being the new coming high elder)#its in the 'page from xianzhous official gazette....thingy' i dont remember the full name#but it was abour bailu disappearing and people being like 'dont worry we should stop making a fuss over her honestly shr did nothing for us'#yeah people are still fighting over dan feng after all this time its actually kinda funny ngl#Yeah so im just. thinking. like why did the preceptors retain the high elder position?#did people want the high elder position rather than the preceptor council?#or is there more to it ?#in the same document one person puts down the preceptors#not giving a reason but i have personal reasons to be distrusting towards them#ANYWAYS so im wondering if preceptors are using bailus new position to hide away and do their own scheming#if this gets into the tags dont mind me. and dont give me spoilers on anything id rather search it myself and learn on my own lol
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somnolent-scout Ā· 1 day ago
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Just a heads up y'all, I'll be out of town and traveling from December 22nd to December 27th. I'll probably be offline for the most part, but I might pop in here and there.
This is a super stressful trip for me so please don't bring up more stressful things while I'm out.
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originalribbing Ā· 5 months ago
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Now that I'm home I can scream about A.dam hi
I like to think A.dam is an angel that listens and responds more than the others. Most of the time it's not with his voice but with a gift. For the kindness within the words he lengthens lifespans with plenty of ( careful ) generosity. Doesn't want to go too far and drive one mad with more life than can be handled.
One of his gifts with given permission to be shared. Which is ironic, considering his very sin is what brought end to everyone. Bringing death to humanity as the hereditary punishment follows all of his decedents
Feels like his own sick form of punishment to witness it all
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iron-bullogna Ā· 6 months ago
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i just had a doordash order so abysmally disappointing that got me so angry i went and disputed the charge and will never use the app ever again out of spite (they forgot my sauces)
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ichigosoju Ā· 6 months ago
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#i hope i'll be ok.. i hope im just in a bad phase of my life rn#but every era has an ending#and i mean things have to end one way or another#the situation at home is not good#and my mom says she'll move either way next years#next year*** in the beginning....#so like... if she moves this apartment.... wont be able to be in my name#so i have to move or end up homeless :'))))#bc bc of my financial situation (im on welfare) im not allowed to apply for apartments#so when my mom applies she can add my sisters bc they have student loans and a job#but she cant add me bc when you're on welfare you arent really allowed to apply for apartments šŸ„“#so i wont be able to move with..........#my mom isnt evil and she doesnt want me to end up on the street lnao#lmao**#but i am worried bc the situation at home is getting worse#and they all think im a worthless bum#my mom is getting sicker and sicker of me#so honestly... i think they would let me have nowhere to go as long as they dont have to deal with me anymore#i have to finish high school bc applying for a program and getting a studen housing apartment is my only bet#that is difficult too bc finding anywhere to live in these chaotic times is hard but#there ARE ways#im just getting so fkn stressed and anxious bc time is running out for real#and i do still have untreated avpd that i've asked for professional help for years now but they dont give me any treatment#idk what to do#i dont fucking know what to do but i have to do something#i dont even wanna be alive but ending it is too painful so i wont do that either#goshhhhhhh i hate this
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oflgtfol Ā· 10 months ago
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its been like two weeks since i fucked my back up and uhm there's been zero improvement in my back pain. starting to get concerned
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greatgoddyke Ā· 2 years ago
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its so cool how lucky i am
#bonk.txt#there are so many things about my life that are completely out of my control#simply because im only 18 so i have no choice but to stick with whatever my mom wants#but also i havent had rude customers at work yet n all my coworkers are so nice n i get paid like two dollars more than minimum wage#in my state so i can just like do shit now ive got money n no bills to deal with yet cause again im just 18#n i can just like do stuff cause there isnt much i want to do n the stuff i do want to do is relatively cheap#im going to the aquarium this week just cause i can the price of admission for the one near me isnt that high#n cause im going by myself i can just take as long as i like looking at stuff n soaking in the atmosphere#like yeah i still cant get a souvenir from the gift shop cause shits still expensive but wow i can just fucking go to the aquarium now#truly i can just do shit now with the limitations of i dont wanna spend more than like 50 dollars per paycheck#cause im saving up to change my name n i wanna be sure i can cover all the expenses but wow i can just do things now#i am probably gonna have to start like buying my own groceries n stuff in like a month or so but for now i dont have to#n can just use like 20 something bucks to go stare at a shark tank for three hours just cause i want to#idk everything kind of like sucks rn n will suck again but also i am just lucky n enjoying the mundane gift of being alive rn#free equivalent of the aquarium is going to the petstore after work n looking at the fishes while i wait for my mom to pick me up#cause i cant drive by myself n will probably not be able to own a car until im like 26 or something#n that is exhilarating in its own way
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shhhimnothereiswear Ā· 9 months ago
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I think I'd be an avatar of the Eye (I LOVE learning new stuff) or the Spiral (im just funky like that)
I think I'd probably give a statement on the Corruption (I'm currently writing a fan statement on it B] )
ok wait im curious-
which tma entity do you think youd be an avatar of and which do you think youd give a statement on
#cheerios reblogs >:)#prev >#i am cringe but i am free#tma#just me rambling again#this is like. the hogwarts house or chb cabin for this fandom#and like! its gotta be legit it cant just be which one you think youd most want to encounter or be affiliated with#like it has to be genuinely considering your interests and things youre drawn to /#like it has to be genuinely considering your interests and things youre drawn to and have been drawn to / fears that would unsettle you#to like a very specific high degree and hobbies or things you do thatd cause you to have to face it#once again this is probably cringe as hell but idc#i feel kinda like how i did in relation to fandom stuff in middle school rn but its making my brain happy so. i dont give a shit#like one of my friends at first thought would probably be somehow related to the spiral but on more thought n after talking we decided#he would definitely be an avatar of the eye and have an encounter with the stranger! or another friend would be an avatar of the stranger#but would honestly probably give a statement or at least be most afraid of the web! i just think its neat i mean none of the friends ive#rambled to abt this silly little podcast actually have listened to it but its still so very fun to let brain go brbrbrbbrr and explain#things and talk abt plot stuff w them i think (usually pretty boy more than anything that poor dude has to deal w so many rambles)#i think for me we came to the conclusion of avatar of the spiral (fractals and spiraling stuff make brain brbrbrbrbr + hyperfixated#on optical illusions for a good portion of my childhood + deep longing to confuse people + just how i am abt the concept of madness)#(also just a deep love for distorted imagery and audio god anything with audio distorions makes my brain so very brbrbrbrbrbr)#(i feel like this explains my Unnormal Unnormalcore feelings abt mr michael distortion himself)#and one of my friends said they think id give a statement on the corruption which i think honestly makes a lot of sense?#im very outdoorsy and love dirt and being in nature and im usually chill w bugs n shit but the thing they suggested was like.#i seem like i would pry open a rotting log just to see whats there and there would be worms or smth (which shouldnt bother me) but#like theres way too many of them or something about them just sets off the creepy crawly what the hell freak out part of my brain#and i was like shit dude that makes sense bc i feel like a lot of the time peoples statements they start off with like oh yeah btw this#thing has never scared me im chill with this thing or this is common w a hobby i like BUT THIS ONE TIME. IT WAS BAD.#anyways im hyperfixated and know more than i should about the workings and concepts despite having just finished episode 52#like i know the gist of the fears n shit and can put together stuff n see patterns but i genuinely dont know shit abt the actual plot#so like
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meadowsandroses Ā· 2 months ago
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Things that make me lose it
please if I could experience these idek what id do akdcaksjvasj
hand kisses, neck kisses, forehead kisses
they remove pieces of hair from your face with their finger
bonus: they do this while looking deep into your soul.
hand on your thighs while they're driving (a classic)
they are so nervous around you they stumble on their words (omgg)
back hugs
you're going to sit next to them but they pull you on their lap as if its no big deal
them taking in all of you before kissing you (pls if you've seen the movie the holiday, the scene where graham kisses amanda in the beginning and he like takes her whole face in his hands and just AHHHHH SO ROMANTIC)
when he falls first / they are so in love with you
"you're perfect for me"
freckles (I'm so weak for freckles)
blushing
catching them looking at you (aksjdcaionv)
omg the scene from Tangled when Flynn was looking at Rapunzel when she launched the lanterns (I LOVE THAT MOVIE it makes me weak)
friends to lovers (sorry I'm a sucker for FTL)
taking a bath together
oh ofc the sidewalk thing and the peeling clementine
when they indulge your quirks and weird interests
hands on the lower back
hands on your waist to move or pass by you (I CANT)
just hand holding (interlocked hands, slight hand holding, honestly any kind of physical touch)
"come here" (UM OKAY)
slowly and passionately making out
watching scary movies together
"god I love you so much"
them smiling when you smile (they just love to see you happy)
"you're really beautiful you know that?"
doing things that they know will make you happy
"I'll pick you up / drop you off"
"I want to"
they are reading out loud and you're laying on them falling asleep to the sound of their voice
*astrophysicists (IM WEAK FOR STEM ESP ASTROPHYSICS)
they ramble about things that they are passionate about and there's that sparkle in their eyes.
planning dates (sorry nothing gets me more weak then active planning and taking initiative)
grabbing something on a high shelf for you
cooking together
you're cutting vegetables and they come behind you hands on your waist, and they rest their chin on your shoulders (omg I can't I'd have to stop cooking RN)
quality time (you are together but doing your own thing yk what I mean?)
slow passionate vanilla sex (bonus: lots of hand holding or neck kissing)
travelling together (road trips, daytrips etc..)
slow mornings
them kissing all the things you're insecure about on your body
going to the gym together
dimples (ughrrr)
walking around shirtless
ok I am a hoe for fake dating but my top really is friends to lovers
BUYING BOOKS FOR YOU / library / bookstore dates
"I can't stop thinking about you"
"I can't imagine my life without you"
"it's always been you"
being their first and only choice (sorry but I don't want to be an option in a roaster)
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beanbeebraveree Ā· 4 months ago
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i guess this is gonna be a drama blog now thats fine i can remake
but im so ashamed of the nevermore fandom rn tbh because its like. ok did we all just decide bullying is ok
someone had to delete a post being neutral because people read it like supporting rnf and actually bullied that person into closing the post. and then said they didnt bully but yeah you did. you did this and there are posts still up that are proving it. some got taken down which is good because maybe that means your rethinking but i bet scressnots exist somewhere.
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that was seeking to harm or intimiate. and its with red too like red apologized. maybe the apology was too long but it was very clearly an apology and says that crimsin isn't on the server anymore. so as long as thats the truth im cool.
its all cool to disagree but whats the obsession with making a big deal out of it cant you just leave the fandom quietly talk about it to your friends and not try to actually hurt people. and yeah red counts as a person and so do the nice people on the post you decided had to be taken off tumblr.
im so so so so tired of going to the tag and finding this stupid kindergarten baby stuff like at least act like high schoolers i can handle that but you all make me sick. idec what your beliefs are about the situation but stop putting them in the tag and stop bullying people because it makes you look ugly
check the definition your bullying the entire fandom because you see it as vulnerable and you are seeking to intimiate everyone into belieiving the same things you do. and if they dont its ok because youll just bully them off the site. and make fun of them in your tags. and harm there mental health. and plug up the tag with your baby fighting.
so ill nicely ask please stop. and i know you wont and your gonna bully me too if you see this but if you do know that its gonna show on your face someday
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mattitties Ā· 8 months ago
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guys im so high rn i cant deal with this
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crguang Ā· 3 months ago
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Okay sat, I mightā€™ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand Iā€™ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still,Ā 
what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.
First of all, fuck KafkaĀ really wish I was tbhĀ she is so annoying, like just assuming r isnā€™t that upset, like theyā€™re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilismā€¦giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understandingā€¦
I canā€™t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing sheā€™s blockedā€¦kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how youā€™re doing, Kafka who sees that she isnā€™t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didnā€™t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into rā€™s house, god sheā€™s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.
anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic šŸ‘€ tbh I donā€™t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people donā€™t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like sheā€™d keep them short bc sheā€™s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and sheā€™s always calm, like if she didnā€™t look like she was trying and still top of the class itā€™d piss me off too šŸ˜­
Also in the wardence event rn, I havenā€™t played it bc Iā€™ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up šŸ˜­ like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok šŸ˜­ but what silver said is like ā€œi heard u weā€™re joining the wardence, and two whose names I wonā€™t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldnā€™t they do it themselves.ā€ Ugh Kafka is so obvious itā€™s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldnā€™t Kafka have showed up, sheā€™s worth like 11 billion, so ik she canā€™t show up all the but cmon.Ā 
-šŸŒ 
hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go ā€œman fuck kafkaļæ½ļæ½ is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck heršŸ˜­ i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldnā€™t be bliss all the time cause she doesnā€™t deal with emotions much, and that includes othersā€™. sheā€™s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but itā€™s very clumsy. itā€™ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, sheā€™s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but ā€œshe doesnā€™t give a shit about meā€. itā€™s an interesting situation to write thatā€™s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe
what i wrote about kafkaā€™s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesnā€™t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences arenā€™t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal theyā€™re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not ā€œsubjectedā€ to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism itā€™s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because ā€œnothing mattersā€ and ā€œit was going to happen anywayā€, but kafka is not like that at all. ā€œif destiny doesnā€™t propel me forward, iā€™ll be the one to push destinyā€ā€” this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because sheā€™s making waves. R will learn that
himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so itā€™s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one ā€œkeeping up with star railā€ where kafkaā€™s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her šŸ˜­ all bad. sheā€™s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear ā€œkafka manipulated meā€ was like ā€œfork found in kitchenā€ thereā€™s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her
AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like ā€œoh. theyā€™re really madā€ and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that sheā€™d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go ā€œtheyā€™re probably still upsetā€ and send another gift. silver wolf would be like ā€œdamn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with youā€ and fireflyā€™s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts šŸ˜­ shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you goā€¦ ā€œforget it iā€™ll just get all of themā€ can she die šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­
aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of themā€™s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafkaā€™s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices oftenšŸ˜­ itā€™d still piss me off tho idc
silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere manšŸ˜­ like fine sheā€™s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so badšŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so itā€™s WHATEVER.
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fictionfixations Ā· 4 months ago
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the dawn knight in place of yuu
MAJOR JP BOOK 7 SPOILERS
(anyway i like calling him the knight of dawn but also thats too many words for a name im going to be repeating a lot throughout this post so dawn knight)
okay so. i was thinking about a fic to write where a character had a part of themselves appear somewhere else? like ive been getting into omniscient reader but i have a diff story im trying to commit to rn so i cant really write something with it when i dont really know shit that happens besides like end game spoilers lOl
but i find the idea of like the 49/51 (?) interesting? i think thats the right numbers. no context to people who dont know what that means but that part broke me even though all i know about omniscient reader is by reading a shit ton of orv fanfiction. my heart man... sob.
but so anyways my mind wandered to the dawn knight
kudos to that like one fic where the dawn knight's soul appeared and attached itself to yuu except i read it when i didnt even know who he was but i thought maybe he was a buddy of lilia so im just reading and getting confused on like no why you no like lilia what (also he doesnt remember iirc and i think that was just like a instinctual feeling cause yknow humans vs fae??) but uh i know context now lMFAO
but like
just imagine this person who looks like silver but blonde. who doesnt remember who he is (as hes kind of more of just a fragment of his soul? but like he appears in NRC and not RSA because he still has a lingering attachment towards silver. wanting to see him grow because he never got the chance to)
who worries over silver
is a little nervous around fae, but maybe this is ooc but like without all the pressure from what the fuck was his name henrik(??) and like the people around him who are all anti-fae, cause he wouldve liked it if they couldve been in peace and stuff yknow? and also without those memories so its not too difficult for him to get past that and see them as people who will probably not harm others (LOOK i just want twst characters to be happy man cause everything is so sad :((( )
anyway lilia has grown since then and doesnt hate humans. maybe he doesnt exactly know how to feel about the dawn knight (UM like cause meleanor. or is it maleanor? i think thats EN spelling but tbh if not for en i wouldnt know how tf to spell it. but uh ykNOW.. he kinda. uh. still killed.)
but then maybe it becomes clear that this dawn knight (who needs an actual name. dawn sounds too on the nose and i dont think lilia associates dawn with positive feelings considering when maleanor died didnt it turn dawn or something. and then they broke down because shes DEAD.???)
is not the same dawn knight he met so long ago.
like
idk
think about it in like a. okay im pulling out honkai star rail examples now. but think of it maybe like dan feng and dan heng where they're like reincarnations of each other? but not the same person? (some people think of them as still the same considering i think(? its been a hot minute since i went through story) those memories of those reincarnations are then shared to other incarnations to help them in high elder duty thingy whatever its called but i think of them as entirely different people who happen to look similar)
i guess you could view it as a 'i once was [this], but now im this and im not the same person who did all those things'
EDIT: I AM WRONG. 2.5 spoilers but its mentioned that someone made dan heng remember his past life so its NOT canon that they remember their past life. "...led her to perform certain healing arts on Dan Heng, who had just finished his hatching rebirth, so that he would regain the memories of his past life?" but anyway thats how it turned out so uh just pretend that i mean reincarnating/past life type deal but stlil having some of those memories of the former life
idk maybe theres some lilia treating him as another son since like. all three of them are orphans who were taken in???? like its implied parallel of lilia being taken in by the mal... dRACONIA family sorry i forgot the last name om. and the dawn knight being taken in by the whoever is in charge. like the dad of henrik(?) and that person whose name i cant remember i think it was leah who the dawn knight liked and married? but so anyway they both got taken in by a family and owe them a debt and fight for them (and care for them. although idk about henrik ew, but he was also like. wanting princess glow(???) which could supposedly grant wishes i think to like cure their ill father, and saying that the dawn knight should do it for leah or something? i cant remember but he convinced him with something something leah)
i dont know where im going with this thought but like. i remember the dawn knight said something like. if things could be different? but like it cant be because they've gone too far now to forgive each other? but like he wanted there to be peace.
i remember thinking about lilia's wish in the wish upon a star event, maybe it was similar i cant recall exactly
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Lilia: My wish is... ...for humans, fae, and all other species to live in harmony. [Img of the wishing star] Trey: Haha, wow. That's a pretty ambitious wish. Lilia: To join joyous hands with one another is no simple feat, even for those among the same species... To say nothing of the difficulties across species divides. You've learned about our history, have you not? All the countless tales of our failure to compromise, and the resulting conflicts? I have no desire to see such history repeated. So I make the same wish every Starsending.
like the dawn knight expressed regret that it had to be this way and wanted things to change but it was far too late. but like. he never did that stuff now (well lilia will remember so poor grandpa but. he's also been really forgiving towards humans when doing it for someone? like he endures it? like when he was searching for a way to hatch malleus and these people were really against lilia for being fae when he just existed, and he didnt fight back because it would paint a bad picture for the draconias? there was another example related to silevr but i cant remember it im. not what i was thinking about but theres also when he contemplated killing baby silver but changed his mind because he'd been trying to teach malleus to like. 'walk in time with his neighbor' and so and so and i forgot what he said but that how could he do that when he should be like setting an example for malleus or something right?)
also silver learning who his parents are in a maybe less traumatic way (like NOT running away knowing malleus' mom might die and then oh shit the ceiling collapsed and IS THAT THE ENEMY oh god please dont let malleus' egg be hurt and then he shares the same face as me? and that ring-- cue silver hating himself and being dragged in by darkness and i am just sobbing my eyes out like no silver he loved you so much :((( )
and even if lilia still holds anything against the dawn knight. still has lingering feelings even towards this not-dawn knight. that he wouldnt want to condemn the dawn knight, and then have silver condemn himself for being of that blood even though he didnt even do anything yknow?
and then when lilia dies he can meet up with the ghosts of maleanor and raverne (is that spelled right? i genuinely cant remember the EN spelling but it was something like that. uhh.??) and i know thats sad but i want lilia to be able to spend more time with maleanor and raverne too yknow? but im not sure how to do that
maybe. like the. the the . council? i cant remember its name fshuidfh but those assholes who appeared when we made it to. blackscale(?) castle... ? i. forgor. maleficia(THATS GRANDMA RIGHT?? i get so confused by who is who in draconia) castle??
but like when we get there with malleus' egg and then maleanor dies
and theres just these voices of long dead old geezers who are bitches to lilia and i hate them and i dont know how they're still there and can talk but i dont want maleanor there because they're horrible. also they literally said her sacrifice was like noble or some shit like that and im just like BITCH- (also lilia is banned from the capital or something isnt he?? like i mean he can still visit the castle. but secretly. but still :( )
so i just think.
fully getting over stuff. heart demons. talking things out. lilia gets to talk about stuff for the first time in awhile (remember when like literally no one talked about the circumstances regarding malleus' birth or something so silver and sebek just had no idea what they were getting into??? and like i guess he could talk to baul? baur? idk which one is the one on EN i forgor. but idk man.)
not-dawn knight being a really good listener. being understanding, sharing his input where appropriate. and like he also gets some of his memories which put a lot of things into proper context. and so sharing thoughts of so and so. and just. basically this talk that spirals into moving on.
sharing frustrations, sharing things that never really got to be known.? like regrets, etc etc
since i think the last time they met was when silver father reveal, and time passed and he died so its just all these lingering things that never got to be said out loud for various reasons. like maybe because company is against so and so so to say something would be like idk maybe traitorous? i dont think thats the right word but words are hard and i keep forgetting words the moment i need them
its like. the unique point of view of talking about things between former enemies. like how they viewed things, etc etc
and then when lilias lived a full life, no regrets, he meets maleanor and raverne in the afterlife.
oh yeah also about his dorm i have no fucking idea. i honestly mostly forgot what each dorm represents but either ramshackle or diasomnia, which i know is like nobility or something? but anyway dawn knight married a princess, also i associate diasomnia with fae / briar valley which is related considering hes book 7 stuff so im pushing him there anyway
or maybe the mirror cant read him because his soul is fragmented. or maybe retcon and his soul isnt like that? idk but i like to think the other part of his soul is in the afterlife with his wife yknow? and eventually silver will be there and able to meet his mom and huggies, and acknowledging that these are who his parents are, but also that lilia is also his parent and the one who raised him yknow? there can be more than two parents in my eyes.
its just that his soul is like in half because of the part of him that wants to have seen silver grown. i think i said this earlier in the post but that since the last time he saw silver was as an infant (also he had blonde hair so-)
also wasnt infant silver asleep for like hundreds of years until it was either because someone who loved him came by (lilia) or because the spell finally wore off (which is what lilia thinks. i dont know where to put my two cents at tbh of which i think is right)
so dawn knight just sitting there in the afterlife like. ..man. my childs still not here. i mean. thats a good thing that they're not dead but like. i kinda wanna see them.
or well silvers the only one so i should be saying he but gidfhuj
also it was either leah or leia i am a dumbass? maybe leah was the EN one. idk i forgot.
anyway thats enough yapping for me
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