#NO BC I DONT LIKE ELISE BUT I DID CRY WHEN SHE DIED

[thou-babbling-brook]

Finished AC Unity. RIP Arno Dorian you would’ve loved Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

[nathank77]

12/20/24

1:15 p.m

My mom is home now. She could have been released last night if she could stand up but she couldnt even put her glasses on...

I cannot get that image/video out of my head of the blood puddle and blood gushing out of her nose. I'm fucking traumatized.

At least she didn't die. Cause talk about a full cigarette relapse and a mental breakdown with that mental image/video. She's killing me. I just sit in my room and hear a thud. And she's on the floor. And this time she was raining blood from her nose. The pool of blood could have filled up half a 8 oz cup of water. I want to cry but I dont even want to let myself.

I won't have therapy for two weeks too. So cool. Thanks mike for abandoning me.

I might not go to the gym tomorrow it might snow but I'm thinking i went 3 days in a row.. I'm having a break today..and then I want to go Saturday, Sunday and Monday.. bc I have to have two rest days for Christmas and Christmas eve..

Maybe i can take one rest day between Saturday, Sunday and Monday. My trap is like 85% healed. And the arm and chest workout i did didn't aggervate it thankfully...

I really do want to cry. My mother is traumatizing me..she doesn't even appreciate me and she would have been laying there for hours before skye got home.

I'm so sick of hearing her thud. Of watching her bleed.. of watching her kill herself. 3 broken ribs a few months ago. A head injury and the fucking blood last night with her forehead in stitches. It's gross what drug addiction will do to someone.

What's even grosser is people that love people like them have to watch and get traumatized.. I wish I had therapy. I wish I had someone to talk to I'm just going to do laundry and think about my gym schedule.

And feel bad that I'm not spending Christmas with my mother bc she still has Riley..I mean she's not making it to 70. Especially at this rate. And bc Riley is still here i can't really have a relationship with her. I'm not ever going to get over my ocd. Not with flooding.

I used vinyl gloves to close her crate and the tip of my finger tip of the glove touched my pants and yup. Imma wash them 3 times in a row in burning hot water to get out poison ivy. I cannot cope with Riley. I cannot cope with my mother..idc if no one ever gets posion ivy.. they all must be immune.

But yea I'm fucking sick of the trauma. I had a hard time falling asleep. A real hard time. I'm hoping with time that mental image/video goes away.

If Elise doesn't talk to me when my mother dies I'm won't be able to forgive her for that. I can forgive her not talking to me now and through everything but if my mother dies. And she's no where to be seen i won't be able to forgive her bc i truly have no one.

[blind-lemon]

i was tagged by: @accio-johnlennon

The Last: 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: mom 3. Text message: my phone company lmao 4.  Song you listened to: fur elise by beethoven 5. Time you cried: idk

Have you 1. Ever dated someone twice: nope 2. Kissed someone and regretted it: YEAH 3. Been cheated on: Nope 4. Lost someone special: Yes 5. Been depressed: Yes 6. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope!

List 3 favorite colors: 1. sunset 2. teal/turquoise 3. army green

In the last year have you: 1. Made new friends: YEAH! 2. Fallen out of love: nope 3. Laughed until you cried: no 4. Found out someone was talking abut you: nope 5. Met someone who changed you: mm yeah 6. Found out who your friends are: ig?

7. Kissed someone on your facebook list: NO

General: 

1. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: well i have about 200, i unfriended over 200 bc i didnt know them in real life 2. Do you have any pets: no :( 3. Do you want to change your name: i used to, im not sure now 4. What did you do for your last birthday: drank a shirley temple and ate pizza w/ the fam 5. When did you wake up today: 3pm 6. What were you doing last night at midnight: losing my mind 7. Name something you can’t wait for: death 8. When was the last time you saw your mum: like a second ago

9. What is something you wish you could change in your life: well.. everything and nothing tbh 10. What are you listening right now: my sister fucking around on her piano 11. Have you ever talked to a person called Tom: dont think so 12. Something that is getting on your nerves: my sister on her piano lmao 13. Most visited website: tumblr, google ig 

Random info:

1. Mole/s: a few 2. Mark/s: ig so? 3. Childhood dream: never really had one  4. Hair color: dark brown 5. Long or short hair: short 6. Do you have a crush on somebody: no not really. maybe george harrison 7. What do you like about yourself: what DONT i like about myself?! theres too much to name so ill say everything :) 8. Piercings: yeah but just my ears 9. Blood type: i have no idea lmao 10. Nickname: mo

11. Relationship status: single af  12. Zodiac: Virgo 13. Pronouns: She/her 14. Favourite TV shows: supernatural, my babysitter’s a vampire, new girl, psych 15. Tattoos: no! but i plan to get some 16. Right or left hand: right 17. Surgery: no 18. Hair dyed in different colors: No 19. Sport: hell nah 20: Vacation: san diego 21. Pair of trainers: like one, im usually wearing barefoot or flip flops 22. Eating: pure trash, vegetarian tho 23. Drinking: Water only p much 24. I’m about to: work on a fanvideo 25. Waiting for: george harrison lol 26. Want: to cry  27. Get married: maybe 28. Career: spiritual mercenary, or a esthetician  29. Hugs or Kisses: i love both (only from certain ppl tho) 30. Lips or eyes: i have both 31. Shorter or taller: doesnt matter 32. Older or younger: idk 33. Nice arms or nice stomach: i say my stomach is nicer 34. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 35. Hook up or relationship: neither 36. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

Have you ever 1. Kissed a stranger: NO 2. Drank hard liquor: NO 3. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 4. Turned someone down: no 5. Sex on the first date: never been on a date lmao

6. Broken someone’s heart: YES 7. Had your heart broken: yeah seems like everyday honestly  8. Been arrested: NO 9. Cried when someone died: ‘course 10. Fallen for a friend: dont think so..

Do you believe in 1. Yourself: not really (not in like an insecure way in a more ‘i question reality and existence every other day’ kinda way) 2. Miracles: mmmmm idk 3. Love at first sight: no 4. Santa Clause: no 5. Kiss on the first date: nooo 6. Angels: no 7. Current best friend name: mo 8. Eye color: Brown 9. Favorite movie: idk atm

I tag: @prettyjohnnylennon , @sarahthefluff , @teddy-boy-georgie , @artisticallydamagedchild ,