#NINTH ANNIVERSARY ART!!! HOW DO WE FEEL
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happy birthday undertale!!!!! :3
#NINTH ANNIVERSARY ART!!! HOW DO WE FEEL#undertale#undertale 9th anniversary#utdr#frisk#frisk undertale#undertale fanart#fanart#art
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August feels. Blurry. The Thursday of the year. Of the summer? IT feels like the year. I managed to fill out my entire Summer Bingo Board for the library. I haven't heard back about winning any prizes, but I had fun and that's what counts. Bingo made me branch out of my comfort zone which was really neat. Can't say I'll do it more often, a comfort zone is comfortable, but I do enjoy reading something Different every now and then. Did some crafty things this month, which has been a lot of fun, and I've been Smart and Wise and started on holiday gifts so I'm not scrambling in December. It's called personal growth~
The Bone Season: Tenth Anniversary Edition by Samantha Shannon ⭐⭐ - I'm salty about this. Yes, it's an improvement, but it still sucks. The world and magic is so neat, but we're stuck with a plot Like That. Made me do an actual full review on goodreads and on tumblr if you want all the details.
The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon ⭐⭐- I kept my original rating because honestly I felt the same as I did years ago. It's worse than the updated version, but it's the core of the novel that needs changing. Props to this one at least for making Paige asexual. I do not want to see this book on ace book lists ever again.
The Adventure Zone: The Suffering Game by The McElroys and Carey Pietsch ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- One of the best installments so far. The art is AMAZING, I love the meta they're doing with Griffin and The Hunger, it was a little rushed and I'm bummed we aren't getting a full adaptation of The Stolen Century, but this is still right up there with Petals to the Metal for me!
The Hollow Places by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - T Kingfisher has never written a bad novel to me, but this one did take me longer than her others to really click. The audio narrator had some inflections that didn't work for my brain, but once they went through the door, things got Weird and picked up. These two made so many stupid decisions, but it still felt in character! Big Stan Pines energy coming from that uncle.
Frostbite: How Refrigeration Changed Our Food, Our Planet, and Ourselves by Nicola Twilley ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - For book bingo! Got me a square for Read Nonfiction, Read Something About The Environment, and Read Something You Found from Book Page (a magazine advertising new and upcoming books). AND it had a local connection. I learned a lot, it was really neat and didn't feel like I was reading a textbook. It was very engaging, and has me looking at grocery stores differently. It was hard to find, though, because Frostbite is a very common name in the urban fantasy romance genre.
The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oof. Very heavy, very creepy, very GOOD. Did not expect the many graphic dog deaths, but that was on me. Technically I WAS warned, my brain just didn't register "SGJ dogs are not safe" as "The dog dies in this one". The audio narrator was very good, but I had to listen to the opening a couple times to really get everything to click. It might've been easier had I" read it myself, but the cadence of the narrator really added to the story.
The Last Heir to Blackwood Library by Hester Fox ⭐ - Wow when was the last time I had a true one star read. (Actually not too long ago. It was The Novice.) This wanted so badly to be The Haunting of Hill House, but if you want another book like Hill House, just read Starling House. We missed what actually happened in the book because the main character was losing her memory. If you want that, go read Harrow the Ninth. This was a mess and I hated it.
On that note, I need to read something to recharge my faith in books, so MURDERBOT TIME! That's my only reading plan for September, but now I'm feeling Rushed because the year is almost over and I still have about half of my reading goals list left. Whoops. I'd also like to at least attempt some of the Swordtember prompts, if not do all of them. That looks like a lot of fun! So! Onward we go!
#bookbird babbles#reading wrap up#monthly wrap up#august wrap up#books#booklr#why is august so blurry lol#oh i did also finish filling in the read what you own spread in my old journal#so i can pack that away with my other one :)#oh also the library is starting a crafting club which im excited about#a random person on fb started one in the park and it was neat but the library one is run by people i know and like 😂#the one in the park was fine they were nice#but they also. their convos were about their Silly Husbands and wanting more kids#and im like. i know we're the same age but Cannot Relate LMAO#things are fine everything is fine i will finish my list of books i want to read this year
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Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors Release New Single “Find Your People”
Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors release “Find Your People” – stream via your preferred DSP HERE. A joyful rallying cry, the single is the latest from the band’s forthcoming new studio album Strangers No More due out June 7th via Magnolia Music. “Find Your People” comes with the official music video – watch HERE, follows last month’s finger-picked folk song “Fly” (watch video HERE), and is the fourth to be released ahead of the Strangers No More LP. “Life is hard. It’s a lot harder when you go it alone. “Find Your People” is a folk anthem about how we need each other. Part of the river of this record is about how to navigate the chaos of economic uncertainty, family drama, political division, and the general untethering that so many of us feel. It’s about finding who you trust, who know you, who are there for you in times of trouble, who can call your bluff and tell you the truth, who will stand with you no matter what. I have been lucky enough to have a lot of those people in my life and I know I couldn’t live without them.” – Drew Holcomb on “Find Your People”
Strangers No More is Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors ninth album and follows the band’s critically acclaimed 2019 LP Dragons. On the new album, Holcomb celebrates the sense of togetherness as he and his longtime bandmates ��� Nathan Dugger (guitar), Rich Brinsfield (bass), Will Sayles (drums), and Ian Miller (keys) – rejoice in one another’s presence after a long hiatus due to the pandemic. Strangers No More was recorded over eight inspired days in Asheville, NC at Echo Mountain Studios with Cason Cooley (Ben Rector, Ingrid Michaelson) producing. They focused on live-in-the-studio performances that showcased the band’s chemistry and camaraderie, capturing the bulk of each song — including vocals, instrumental textures, and solos — in real time. “We’d do eight to ten performances of a single song, looking for the revelatory moment,” Holcomb remembers. “The goal was to prove an expanded vision of who we are and what we do.” In addition to releasing a new full-length studio album this year and making their return to Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival, the band is celebrating the 10-Year Anniversary of one of their most beloved albums, 2013’s Good Light. The decade that followed saw Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors release five consecutive albums that peaked in the upper reaches of the Billboard charts. Also in that time period, Holcomb launched the incredibly popular Moon River Music Festival, an annual event that is heading into its eighth year (and fifth in Chattanooga, TN’s Coolidge Park) this coming September 9th and 10th. 2023’s lineup featuring Hozier, Caamp, Nickel Creek, First Aid Kit, Marcus King and more (see full lineup HERE) was announced last week and sold out in mere days! Find Your People - Drew Holcomb https://youtu.be/yDVl3WHoymI Listen to Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors capture one of those revelatory moments today via “Find Your People” – listen HERE and watch the music video HERE. Catch Drew & Ellie Holcomb on their Residency Tour through April (all remaining dates HERE), catch Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors at Bonnaroo on June 18th, and look for more tour news in the very near future! Strangers No More Out June 7th, 2023 1. Fly 2. Find Your People 3. All the Money in the World 4. Gratitude 5. Troubles 6. That’s on You, That’s on Me 7. Dance with Everybody 8. On A Roll 9. Possibility 10. Strange Feeling 11. Free (Not Afraid to Die) Read the full article
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Episodes to get into Doctor Who!!
A new doctor always means new fans. So I thought I'd compile a list of a couple fun episodes for each doctor to introduce you to the show. Most of these will be self contained episodes that don't need much knowledge of lore to be enjoyed. Obviously I reccomend starting from the start of the revival and watching all the way through, but these are just some suggestions to see how you feel about DW and hopefully get hooked.
Nine - Christopher Eccleston
'Rose' - The first episode of the revival. Perfectly sets up both the Ninth Doctor and Rose as a companion. There is some cheesy 2000s effects that don't hold up, but if you want to get into Who, that's just going to have to be something you get used to haha.
'The Empty Child' & 'The Doctor Dances' - Holy crap these are iconic episodes. This two part story set in WW2 London has got it all. Creepy children, body horror, and amazing tension. Oh and you get to meet Captain Jack so that's fun.
'Dalek' - If you're going to get into Doctor Who, you might as well meet one of it's biggest villains. The Doctor comes face to face with a dalek hidden in a compound. Great episode if you're into questions of morality.
Ten - David Tennant
'Blink' - This is it. Probably the most iconic Nu Who episode. Absolutely terrifying. Creepy angel statues that move? Yes please. Honestly if you've been on the nerdy side of the internet and haven't heard of this episode before I'd be shocked.
'Midnight' - Another horror episode. The doctor without his companion trapped in a train. Mysterious knocking coming from an uninhabitable environment. Tennant's acting in full force. Whodunit elements. Cannot reccomend this enough. This episode is perfect.
'The Unicorn and the Wasp' - The Doctor and Donna go back in time and meet Agatha Christie. A murder mystery with an extraterrestrial twist ensues. The Doctor and Donna are my favourite duo because they are so damn funny together. This episode is a great showcase of their comedy. If you're looking for a comedy episode this is it.
'Silence in the Library' & 'Forest of the Dead' - The introduction of River Song! Another great spooky episode. Heartbreaking too. Count the shadows.
Eleven - Matt Smith
'The Eleventh Hour' - Matt Smith's debut. is fantastic. Perfect showcase of his incarnation's wild personality. Absolutely hilarious, and a great introduction to Amy Pond too.
'Vincent and the Doctor' - The Doctor visits Vincent Van Gogh. I'm an art fan so this just hits so right. Probably the best casting of a historical figure in the shows history. This episode makes me cry everytime. Wouldn't say this episode is perfect, but once again it's an iconic episode and worth the watch.
'The Day of the Doctor' - Anniversary special. You get to see Ten and Eleven work together to save the world. Two doctors for the price of one. You don't need too much lore for this episode, but maybe just watch a couple of 10 and 11 episodes before this just so it feels more rewarding.
12 -Peter Capaldi
'Mummy on the Orient Express' - It's the orient express! But in space! With a mummy! What's not to love? A silly concept executed with genuine tensity, just amazing all round.
'Flatline' - The concept for this episode is so so so cool. A two dimensional enemy? And they're absolutelt terrifying. How do you fight something that's flat? God it's so creative.
'Thin Ice' - Another fun little historical episode. You get to see the Doctor punch a racist, definitely a highlight. I just adore Bill and the Doctor's chemistry so much, she was a great companion.
13 - Jodie Whittaker
'The Woman Who Fell to Earth' - I really enjoyed Jodie's introduction. And as usual the introduction of our new companions who I really enjoy. Especially Graham, he won me over with 'we don't get aliens in Sheffield!'
'The Demons of the Pubjab' - This is the episode for you if you're into history and politics. The Doctor takes her companion to visit her grandmother when she was young, during the partition of India. A very emotional episode, probably the most hard hitting episode of the thirteenth doctor's run.
'Kerblam!' - Futuristic Amazon is just as horrible to it's wokers as the Amazon of the present it seems. A more light hearted and wacky episode if you're not in the mood for anything too heavy.
Sooo those are my picks. Pick a doctor, pick an episode and go forth into this wonderful universe. I kind of suck at giving my thoughts or describing an episode without giving too much away, but I tried my best. Please rb with any other beginner friendly episode picks and let's get some new fans ready for our next regeneration!!
#doctor who#ncuti gatwa#christopher eccleston#david tennant#matt smith#peter capaldi#jodie whittaker#whovian
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He is mine, bitches
Male Marinette! Male Damian!
(Next You can’t touch what’s mine, bitch)
Damian did not have a type, he was a ex assassin, trained to eliminate useless impulses such as attraction, or romanticism of his person.
He didn't have a type, he didn't have ... he didn't ... he…
Oh my god, did that guy just threw a motorcycle? Damian had to get his number, his name, something!
Maybe not like robin, that would be clearly irresponsible and unprofessional.
Judging by his outfit, he was at gotham college, the same one his civilian alter ego was in. That was convenient, he could approach like Damian wayne.
Was Damian better than Robin? Who would attract him the most? Would he even like Damian or Robin to put his tongue down his throat?
Wait, he was talking to him!
“I need you to take me to the hospital, I just threw my motorcycle at those thugs, could you?“ Omg, he was even more gorgeous up close, big, slanted eyes of blue, like the cosmos or something magical. Before Robin could answer him Red Hood intervened.
“Don't worry man, our Robin here will be happy to take you after your statement.” Red hood slapped his back.
The boy was even taller than Jason, Damian wasn't sure if he would survive the trip to the hospital on his motorcycle.
Robin momentarily emerged from his stupor, after red hood left, maybe hood thought it was bothering him, Robin was not comfortable with civilians after the fight, he was more fighting, hitting and then leaving the disaster for the police.
“If you're hurt, we could go first to the hospital” Robin said.
“Oh no actually, my friend Chloe was rushed to the hospital after the gas of fear paralyzed her. I am worried that when she recovers she would sue the entire floor.”The bluenette smiled
Robin just nodded, praying that none of his brothers would notice the blush under the mask, or worse, Batman might noticed.
On the way to the hospital, Robin felt the physical difference between him and Marin. It almost felt like he was being hugged by Marin.
They arrived in record time, Robin had a slight disappointment in his chest, but he crushed her, reminding himself that he would meet him later as Damian.
Marin got off the bike in front of the hospital. “Thanks for the trip robin, maybe you should go in too, that blow seems serious.” Marin touched the wound that went through his mask.
Robin didn’t blush, no one can prove it.” Things like these happen all the time, don't worry.”
“Well, I would say I hope to see you soon, but I don't think that's very good. So try not to hurt your gorgeous face.”
Leaving Robin flushed, he turned around to enter the hospital. Chloe would go crazy when he told her he flirted with a vigilante.
➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞
If someone asked Marin why he had moved to Gotham city, he would tell the easy lie. After so long as a traveler with his nonna he had decided that he would finish his education in a normal and established way. And since his uncle Jagged and his aunt Penny owned a condo in the city, it was nothing suspicious.
Yeah, it is not as if the rest of his family is not completely legal and they are also conveniently around Gotham.
And if he had to hide some welcome gifts that his godparents and godmothers gave him like, a personalized flamethrower, a carnivorous plant as a pet, or exploding mallets. No one else would know, because he was not very interested in taking people home anyway.
After many close calls like Adrianna Agreste, or Lian Rossi, he did not want to rush into relationships.
But Damian was so cute, maybe he could do an exception for him. I mean, when he practically hit his chest with that stoic expression it was nice, but when Marin made him blush it was even better.
Marin was very good at flirting but not very good at getting compliments. So after seven weeks hanging out as friends, Damian discovered that he could hit him back with compliments.
Damian was in the ninth cloud, Marin was more than he had anticipated, and he couldn't love it more. He was so perfect, and that's why he had tried twice as hard to hide it from his family, he didn't want them to scare Marin away. But his plan was threatened by his very annoying and best friend, Jon.
“I seriously can’t believe it Damian, you got yourself a boyfriend and you didn’t tell me, i’m so upset.”
“Don't be dramatic kent, he is not my boyfriend ... yet. And if I did not tell you it was so that there were no rumors that would reach my family.”
“Damian, it doesn't matter, you got yourself a boyfriend and besides he is hellaMari12, I can never forgive you, meet that bonbon and save it for yourself, very bad Damian.”
“What nonsense are you babbling kent? hellaMari12? Bonbon? Do you want my katana on your face?”
Jon showed him his cell phone, in a very famous instagram account, where in all the photos marin appeared, in a very specific one, with canvas pants, and a sweatshirt that showed his abs.
Damian couldn't control the blood that ran up his face, omg that photo was so hot. But a big part of himself was not distracted, this photo was public and had three million likes. His possessiveness made him frown, he was still not her boyfriend, he did not have to be angry, and even if he were, he had no right to claim him.
Damn, why did Marin have to be so attractive and kind? Now he not only had competition in Gotham, but also throughout the internet, excluding all the places he had been and assuming he had no suitor abroad.
Damian would have to hurry, because if he got distracted he could lose, and Damian Al-Ghul Wayne never lost.
➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞ ➞
Marin was nearing the end of his patience. If damian was still so nice to him and didn't kiss him, Marin could hit something or kiss him until his soul was taken out.
With his attractive face in a constant frown, his jade eyes always fulminant, his olive skin so shiny and smooth. His always so neat black hair and his expensive cologne… Damn Damian why don't you just kiss Marin already?
That night Damian and Marin had arranged to do a marathon on how to train your dragon, because the green-eyed man had never seen such a work of art.
If Damian hadn't kissed him before the end of the first movie, Marin would. He had already arranged everything, hid the suspicious gifts, threw the dirty clothes into a closet that he had never opened before, shook the sofa. He put flavoring ... everything so that the atmosphere was perfect.
While they sat on the couch eating sour treats, with damian criticizing the characters' unrealistic choices. Damian let the sugar spread across his lips, unaware of himself as he concentrated on the movie.
Hiccup was about to feed the dragon when Marin couldn't resist any longer.
“Hey Damian, I'm about to kiss you. You can walk away if you don't want it”
Damian had recorded the question, had heard and understood it. But I couldn't believe it, so I just nodded hoping it wasn't a hallucination.
It wasn't, the hallucinations weren't that perfect.
They were completely lost in their kisses, their environment disappeared as more and more time passed kissing, tousling the hair of the other, writhing to be closer together although that was impossible.
Someone's phone started ringing and suddenly the world was more than just the two of them. Damian was on Marin's lap, his arms under his shirt, and his legs wrapped in a possessive grip on his hips. Marin had one hand buried in Damian's midnight hair, and another dangerously low on his back.
They admired each other for five long seconds, until their phone rang in unison. They did not separate, they had been waiting for this for a shameful time, they could not lose it now that they had started it.
From Damian's phone were notifications from his brothers, asking about his absence hours before the patrol. He reply quickly informing them not to expect him and not to try to track him down. With a couple of threats in the family chat to let them know it was him, he turn off the phone and throw him away from where he was sitting.
On Marin's phone there were a couple of messages from chloe letting him know that if Damian made his boyfriend he would have to pass the blonde test, or she wouldn't approve it. While in the chat of their rouge godparents and godmothers, they would message each other about an assault they would do together soon.
Marin answered chloe briefly, and ignored his uncles, there were things that he had to turn a blind eye to.
“So ... do you want to stay here at night?”Marin gently rubbed the spot where his left hand was, giving Damian nice chills.
“Had you anticipated this Dupain-cheng? Did you feel lucky?” Damian didn't take his eyes off his lips, making Marin blush slightly.
“I was confident, don't think I hadn't noticed how suddenly all our dates involved sweating and taking off my shirt.”
Damian shut him up with a kiss, not because he was his boyfriend he was going to allow herself to lose to him.
The night passed with many kisses, hickies on the neck and under the clavicles. His words were lost somewhere between four and five in the morning. Falling exhausted on the sofa one on the other, with the warm sensation in their bodies of knowing that their love was reciprocated.
When the sun raised Damian was ecstatic, he could already hit all those with romantic intentions towards Marin. He could kiss him without being rejected, but… He didn't really know much about romantic relationships, but He’d find out along the way.
Marin was also full of excited and happy energy, fluttering around his kitchen and taking photos of everything as souvenirs for his future anniversaries.
After many signs on the sofa with Damian, and of him just being art lying on the sofa. Damian decided that everyone on the internet should know that Marin was not single.
With a simple photo published in Marin's account, with both disheveled and illuminated by the rising sun. The eyes of both seemed clearer than they were.
In the description Damian did not try very hard, with a simple he is mine, bitches settled, and let his followers burn while Marin danced in the kitchen and Damian tried not to get weaker for that boy.
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Good day all. Since today is my 26th birthday, I’ve been doing a bit of reflecting & I thought it’d be fitting to share a part of myself I seldom talk about. A little over a week ago, it was the ninth anniversary of my admittance to rehab. I haven’t thought about my time there for a long while but for some reason this year I’ve been a little overwhelmed with emotion. I thought I’d write it all down and share a bit of it in hopes that it might help someone, whether it’s to shift their thinking or give them a little hope.
I wrote the piece below almost 6 years ago but after reading over it I still find it one of the most eloquent things I might’ve tried to express. The reason I chose to share it is to say to anyone- if you are struggling and this time is testing your mental health and your strength, you are stronger than you think. A bad day doesn’t mean you are losing, it means you are coping and working hard at beating your own demons.
I don’t talk about this side of my life a whole lot but it would be nice if you could share it if you resonate with it in some way or if you feel like you know someone who might.
>>It gets a little long and there are TRIGGERS for eating disorders so please proceed with caution !!! <<
I do this thing where I often brush over my anorexia in conversation, and as expected, this might be the first time many of you are hearing of it. I just never felt the need to tell my story to the people in my life, I never wanted it to be the thing that everyone rolls their eyes about.
However, I think it is time for me to tell my story. In full. What prompted me was that I have seen how my story became an inspiration for someone else; a reason for them to feel that they are not alone in the world. I was in awe that something so terrible in my life could be used for something so good.
This is the story of my eating disorder and I.
19 January, 2015
My mind was my body’s worst enemy. It was a weapon of mass destruction, ticking away in my head. Misconceptions invaded my mind and multiplied into thoughts and soon after their images were all I saw in the mirror.
I can’t give my mind all the credit; I didn’t create all the misconceptions in my own mind, even if they were all allowed to grow there. My mind only mimicked what it was being fed at just about every turn. One of the things I remember so vividly is seeing an underwear model. She was sexy and beautiful and I could think of nothing I wanted more in the world than her body. So started the worst train of thought I have ever had: the aspiration for perfection.
The media can be a scary thing. As a teenager, it was pretty much most of what everyone was talking about and consuming on a day to day basis. By the time I was in grade 10 in high school, all my time had been consumed by trying to getting the best grades and only producing my best work in my visual arts class. My time in the sports field ceased all together and in my mind the only way for me to achieve my standards of perfection was to go down the dark, sinister route that I had not even realised I'd taken.
On 26 October 2011, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. There is no easy way to explain the feeling of your own head telling you that you are not good enough, that you are disgusting, that you are too fat, that you may not eat.
2011 was not a good year for me, I remember so well that a bad day would grow into a bad week and eventually evolve into bad months. My family seemed as dysfunctional as ever, I picked up the nasty habit of smoking and the stress of school had only weakened my state of mind. I hated what I was and I had somehow convinced myself that everyone else around me felt the same way, when in fact I was the one pushing them away. Sometime in mid October, armed robbers had broken into my house. No one in my family was hurt, but I had gotten away with a broken arm and a few bruises.
It was then in hospital that doctors had noticed there was something off about me. It must have been brain shattering for my parents to see what had been eating away at me for months only at that moment. How could they when all I did was hide from the world?
I was admitted into rehab after that and I did not sit for my November exams. In six months I had lost 14kgs. I have been in remission since.
My life was consumed by loss. First it was the weight, then my strength, and eventually demons began to nibble away at my personality. I watched my life crumble away as fast as my body did. My hair started to fall out and my nails stopped growing. I lost my period all together. My bones stuck out of my body like they were unwanted intruders, I became as frail, dead and dull as an old building.
Misconceptions are the hardest scars to heal. They forced my body apart from my mind. I have learned that it's called body disconnection, the feeling of being absolutely cut off from your body. No experience was good enough in my body because my mind wanted to be as far from this body as possible. I don't know how you can even explain it... Imagine wanting to be so far out of a room you would give anything to leave it. Now imagine that was your own body and you can start to understand body disconnection. You can leave an uncomfortable room. You can’t evacuate your own body. Excruciating, isn’t it? Looking in the mirror, I never saw a body that was perfect, only the disgusting images of what my mind had made me believe I looked like: the image of imperfection. It was shattering, painful and exhausting..
It's been three years now.
I'm quite proud to admit that my annoying need to overachieve at everything has been my biggest weakness and my greatest strength. I never wanted to do something halfway, and this was no different: I got an eating disorder as bad as they go. But I sure as hell got a recovery as good as they go. I have not relapsed or regressed. I have just grown in confidence and in strength. I haven’t done that on my own: the support I have had from just about every corner of my life has been my lifeline. Even on Tumblr where people are so confident just to share selfies and feel good about how great they look. Nothing makes me happier to see people love who they are. The people in my life have fought with me in my corner with so much strength they could collectively save the world. I am not sure I could ever find the words to describe the impact they have made.
People tell me every day how far I have come in three years. They see me eat and think it is all over. There is little truth in an assumption so bold. Here’s the thing no one told me about when I first thought an eating disorder is a good idea: it never leaves you. It just becomes less overwhelming. I still have the scars to face every day. I say remission because I never really heal. Then again I am only human and people often forget that when I have a bad day. The truth is I face my worst fear every time I sit down to eat no matter how much it seems like I love food.
I'm not perfect, no one is. And in time I've learned this fact and to love myself. I don't burst at the seams with confidence, but I definitely have more now than what I did three years ago. There are days where a relapse sits on the horizon but you just have to hold your head high and fight it. I don't write this in hopes of becoming a role model but I do hope it inspires people, not just those who face what I did, but with any curve ball life decides to throw at them. There's always a way out if you're willing to look for it.
_______________
I wrote this five years ago. This passed year has probably been the biggest test of my recovery in a long time. Staying at home with constant worries about access to the gym, my safe foods and social distancing are prime triggers for a relapse for me. It’s true that you never fully recover, but you do get better with time. Every day is a constant fight against my ED, depression and anxiety, and there are many days where it seems like climbing this never-ending mountain is impossible. But I’ve come to realise that any step we take in pushing against it (even just acknowledging our emotions and thoughts) is one in the right direction.
In the past week I have thought quite a lot about my anorexia and impact it has had on my life, my family and my body. And the truth is, I still choose to wake up and fight the “mad bitch” everyday. Some days are definitely harder than others, sometimes it’s easy. But I win everytime because I choose to fight it. So I really hope that anyone fighting their demons (whatever they may be) will reflect on how strong they are and the journey they have walked. ♡
#roxy txt#sorry this is really emotional but i rly wanted to share it#tw eating disorder#tw anorexia#tw rehab mention#i hope this spreads some postivity despite the sad story#if anyone even takes the time to read it lmfao#ok to rb btw!#also i am always here for you guys#lets celebrate ourselves today <3
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All main 'Doctor Who's themes review no-one asked part 2
(art by DoctorRy on Deviant Art)
War Doctor's theme
0/10
Just the same as 8.3
I see why this theme is so similar to the previous (bc they suppose to represent exactly the same period of the Doctor's life) but I really can't hear any difference between 'em
Lazy.
Ninth Doctor's theme
3/10
Doesn't make anything new and interesting except adding bass. But thanks to 'em it feels this season supposed to make the show more epic and for new massive audience.
There also was no sense in making some experiments bc they don't call attention but usually push ppl. So again, as with the Second's theme, I can't judge them. (Still, I think it's quite boring so only 3 points).
I'd name this theme a "slam dunk" bc having it u can be sure ur plan will definetely go right.
Tenth Doctor's theme
10/10
An orchestra!
I like how this theme is slowly gathering momentum, sound by sound, note by note. I also like that "siren" sounds they're unique none of other themes has anything similar to 'em. That's a new idea and it sounds great!
Love this one
Eleventh Doctor's theme (ver. 1)
2/10
Choir is new and perfectly represents Moffat's pathos but I can't hear Smith's Doctor at all.
Actually, I'm disappointed as I hoped Murray Gold would do something amazing for the Eleventh bc did we all hear "I'm the Doctor"? That's a breathtaking theme! I wish Murray did as great for the main theme(
Eleventh Doctor's theme (ver. 2)
(official poster)
0/10
Aam, sorry? Any difference from the first Eleventh's one? No?
Anniversary theme
(official episode poster)
0/10
And again it's too Moffat's theme? I can't hear none of the Doctors, even the main characters of the episode. It's the 50th Anniversary couldn't u do anything more about all of the Doctors? Couldn't u mix the classic who with the new who?
I don't think these them represents any of the Doctors or the whole series well. They choose the wrong way, imho.
Twelfth Doctor's theme (ver. 1)
8/10
Thanks for making the Twelfth's theme sound like him. Very fierce-heroic, perfectly fits the Twelfth. The first time in new who when I can actually hear the Doctor, not the season/era atmosphere.
Also techo sound changed into shoot sounds and this is actually the first time they did something new with that idea since Seventh's theme.
Twelfth Doctor's theme (ver. 2)
3/10
Bass is ruining everything: I can't hear any other sounds bc of it. Sounds like there's only bass while some music is playing sooomewhere several streets away. Or isn't, I can't say for sure but if is, I can't say that exactly is playing.
They also tried to make it grimly once again but that time I feel like it forced, not naturally fits the theme, as it did in the Sixth's one.
And remeber what I liked the most about the previous theme? Yes, the Doctor. Now I can't hear him again, he's lost some there in all that bass and "grimly" sounds.
Thirteenth Doctor's theme
(official season poster)
0/10
BASS. That's wrong with u, why do u think a lot of bass = epic and serious atmosphere? No! Please, stop ruining themes bc of that stupid idea u all somehow have!
I like they put drums on the first place. That's new for Doctor Who's themes I never heard they did it before. But, again, BASS. IS. RUINING. EVERYTHING.
(I could give this theme at least 1 point bc they tried but no, I'm enough with bass)
#doctor who music#doctor who main theme#doctor who#new who#big finish#war doctor#ninth doctor#tenth doctor#eleventh doctor#twelfth doctor#thirteenth doctor#murray gold#time war#doctorry
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promise you’ll stay — h. renjun
you meet a boy in your english class and he draws in your book during the class.
pairing ; huang renjun x reader
genre ; fluff, art boy!renjun, college!au · word count ; 0.7k · rating ; pg
request ; “renjun + ‘corduroy dreams’ by rex orange county + ‘how could i ignore you? trust me, i adore you’” by anon
masterlist ; 2 years of adobe
a/n ; happy renjun day!! i hope you all enjoy this renjun fic for his bday, we love artboy!renjun + this boy got me changing when i post things bc i wanted to post something for his bday lol ++ posting a bit earlier than i would because i want it to still be his bday internationally!
promise you’ll stay is copyright 2020 hyuckles-chuckles, all rights reserved.
First Day
You take the seat closest to you in your English class, the lecture hall already filled with many students in their first year just like you. You get your stuff out and lay it on the section table that’s meant for you to use to be ready for your class to begin.
Your professor walks in and greets the class, ready to start the lesson — not before a boy enters shortly after.
The boy apologises and finds an empty chair — next to you. He smiles to you as he shuffles behind your chair, taking the available seat. You notice the art supplies he lays on the table with his books and dried paint on his fingertips. He must be an art major.
He slides a page next to you and you decide to read it: what page are we on? You write back page 1.
You slide the piece of paper next to him, receiving the paper with the words oh, duh.
You chuckle to yourself, thinking your English class just got a whole lot better.
Third Day
You happily walk into your next English class, seeing your art boy already in the chair next to the one you sat in first.
“Hi,” you say when you reach your chair, smiling at the boy.
“Oh, hi,” he says, raising his head from the beautiful drawing in his book.
“You’re really good…” you pause, wanting him to tell you his name.
“Renjun,” he informs you, shaking your hand. “And I should be, it is what I want to do.”
“Well, it’s really cool, Renjun,” you smile. You’re about to tell him your own name when your professor greets you and starts the lesson. You look to Renjun who seems to be frowning, until it looks like a light bulb turns on in his brain as he takes a book and draws — only it was your diary.
He slides your diary back to you and your heart flutters as you see his doodle. It’s a drawing of two Moomins, one that says what’s your name? and the other has no words in the speech bubble. You take your pen and write down your own name, sliding the book back to him. He smiles as he writes more in the corner of your page. He slides it to you and you see his number underneath the drawing — as well as the date accompanied with his signature.
You smile as you continue with the lesson, stealing glances of Renjun continuing to sprinkle some doodles in your book.
Ninth Day
You and Renjun walked into class together, taking your seats and getting your things out. You first take out your diary and hand it to Renjun, as this was usual at the beginning of English.
You and Renjun became good friends since that third day of school since Renjun made it a mission to fill in a page of your diary with doodles and jokes. Your favourite one was when he hadn’t read your texts the day before your second week at school. He drew more Moomins — his favourites — the first one saying how could I ignore you? trust me I adore you as it hugged the other Moomin because he had spent time on a painting. It was your favourite one because it made you think that he thought of you as more than a friend.
Your class started and you looked to Renjun, covering your diary with his body. He would usually finish his first drawing by now, but you didn’t make a big deal out of it. You knew he was a perfectionist and just wanted to give you the best.
It was the end of the lesson and Renjun was still busy using colour — which he hardly used. “I’m almost done, just wait a few,” he mumbled.
“You’re really into that, huh?” you asked, trying to get a peek at the drawing.
“Here you go,” he said as he handed you a closed book, his cheeks going pink. “I hope you like it.”
You opened the book and it revealed two huge Moomins, one on each page. The first Moomin held red roses and a box of chocolates with the speech bubble date? And the second Moomin was drawn cutely with an empty speech bubble.
Renjun was asking you out on a date.
“Pass me a pen?” you asked, a smile on your face. He handed you a pen and you wrote yes!
You handed it back to him with your answer and he smiled from ear-to-ear, enveloping you in a hug. “Where do you want to go?” he asked you grabbing his bag and then your hand, walking you out of class.
come and celebrate my 2nd year anniversary with me! if you see this before the 14th of march 2020, then feel free to send a request my way! just look in my bio to see the guidelines!
© hyuckles-chuckles, 2020. please don’t copy or repost without permission.
#thekpopnet#neowritingsnet#2 years of adobe#adobe's writing#nct#nct dream#nct renjun#huang renjun#renjun#nct china#00 line#nct 00 line#nct fluff#nct dream fluff#00 line fluff#renjun fluff#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#renjun x reader#nct imagines#nct dream imagines#renjun imagines#nct scenarios#nct dream scenarios#renjun scenarios#nct drabbles#nct dream drabbles#renjun drabbles#happy renjun day
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Kisekae Insights #19: Madoka Magica Part 2 (Yuki Magica)
(Art by アスカール)
In the last instalment, I talked about Takumi Kamijō and Madoka Magica’s involvement in my project, but I stopped after Gokaiger because things are about to get complicated; there is another story thread that I need to cover before we can continue.
In this instalment, I’ll be talking about another magical boy who became a GARO-esque Kamen Rider. He and his powers have their own backstories which would normally be impossible in the eyes of other Madoka fans (if Takumi’s story wasn’t crazy enough). Basically, I’m the Australian Shinichiro Shirakura and I’m breaking all the rules. Wait, was I supposed to save that joke for the Decade instalments? Oh well, anyway…
One man’s trash, another man’s treasure
In the sixth block of the 50th Anniversary Series, I made an adaptation of The Name of the Doctor but with Hiroki instead of the Doctor. When Hiroki’s timeline gets invaded by a vexatious villain (not the Great Intelligence), he makes a contract with Kyubey to save his past, present and future. He meets Goddess Madoka and becomes a magical boy similar to that of Madoka’s magical girl form. Calling himself the Loveshy Boy, Hiroki enters his own timeline and sends out splinters of himself across his timeline to repair the damage. Zhuge Shu and Nodoka Manabe were among those echoes, along with five individuals whose syllables of their names spelled the syllables of “Nodoka Manabe” and “Madoka Kaname”.
The only other time Hiroki used his magical boy form was in the ninth block when he fought Girl Power and his other enemies in Koshi Castle. He is shot and sent flying in a desperate attempt to save Akari and that is the last we see of Hiroki’s magical boy form – though Walpurgisnacht would influence his next (female) incarnation, he would no longer be a magical boy by the time he moved into his final incarnation.
But by some miracle, Hiroki’s magical boy powers would show up again in 2018, albeit utilised by someone else. How did that happen and why? You’ll find out very soon…
Yuki Yamaki: Secret Inside
Yuki’s timeline is a bit complicated to pinpoint, but it doesn’t matter since this project runs on wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff.
A note before I go on – Yuki’s name would usually be written as Yūki given his Japanese name and my usual habit of denoting long vowels with macrons as per Hepburn romanisation, however I only found his Japanese name recently in an old document I wrote ten years ago, with that same document denoting Takumi’s surname as “Kamijou”. Then again, I didn’t know much about the rules surrounding romanisation back then, so I’ll continue to write Yuki’s name as I have and not bother changing it for the sake of consistency.
Naisho no Tsubomi (Secret Tsubomi) is a manga series that covers topics centred around female puberty and sex education, with a different girl (named Tsubomi) featured in each volume. The first volume was adapted into a three-episode OVA in 2008 and was released in North America by Sentai Filmworks in 2018. Spoilers if you haven’t seen it (but given the premise of Kisekae Insights, you shouldn’t be surprised by now), but based from what I’ve read about in reviews and my own observations, it seems that the character of Saya Endō is likely to be the spirit of a dead girl who reincarnates as Tsubomi’s little sister, or Tsubomi’s little sister who died and came back into the past as a spirit or something. But that doesn’t really matter because this is Doctor Who, what did you expect?
Yuki was born in 2008, the same year as Tsubomi’s little sister, Saya, in a universe where the Third Doctor is the Prime Minister of Australia. In 2018, they joined their universe’s Torchwood at the age of ten and a year later, they were sent on a mission back to the year 2008 to investigate anomalies involving Tsubomi and Yuki’s cousin, Shisei Nagato (長遠志成). During that time, Yuki, Saya, Tsubomi and her friends came to the Doctor’s universe three times over five years from their POV (in our POV, they came once each before, during and after the Salacian Time War). It turned out that Yuki and Shisei are Parker and Hiroki’s counterparts in that universe and that Shisei was taking the place of Futoshi Kuki, who was exterminated by the Daleks. They were unable to find any conclusive evidence regarding the anomalies when they were called back to their time (2023) to fight the Beta Uprising.
Torchwood then sent Yuki and Saya on their second mission in the past, which was to kill Elliot Rodger on his Day of Retribution, 23 May 2014, and prevent the Beta Uprising. Their comrade, Alex Schmidt (played by Alex Williamson) was with them, but he disappeared by the time Yuki and Saya returned to their time. The two had fallen in love during their time together and by 2028, they decided to get married. However, when they were having yum cha with their friends, Alex came in with a group of Chads and revealed his betrayal to everyone; he went back to 2014 and helped Elliot Rodger with his Day of Retribution before spurring Chads and Stacies around the world to fight the incels (nerds basically). He killed Yuki in 2018 because somehow, he was the anomaly surrounding Tsubomi and Shisei that was motivating the incels to continue fighting – Tsubomi and Shisei were never the problem at all.
The 2028 Yuki was killed along with his fiancée and their friends and was taken back to 2018, where he was “fixed up” and prepared to be married to Hideko Kimihara (NOTE: The Kikuchi Clan were not involved in this incident). Kyubey arrives and offers to turn Yuki’s pain into power; Yuki accepts and makes a wish for someone to come and get him out of his mess. It is then that Hiroki, Kayley, Firerose, Narutaki and the Salacian Riders (including a future Yuki and Marcela) were brought to this universe through a dimensional hole. At the same time, Marcela (see #13) arrived to protect Yuki. It is then that Yuki transforms into his magical boy form, which is exactly the same as Hiroki’s Madoka-esque magical boy form (due to interdimensional genetic multiplicity, as Takumi would later speculate), by swinging his Soul Gem necklace in the air similar to how Barago transforms into Dark Knight Kiba in GARO.
(Hiroki and Yuki’s magical boy forms are based on that of Madoka’s magical girl form, albeit genderbent. Art by 黒野ユウ and Makarii)
Hiroki and the Riders from his world help the past Yuki and Marcela out by attempting to hide with one version of them (past or present) for two weeks, but they are captured after four days. While the Stacies brainwash Marcela, Yuki and Hideko are hooked up to the Progenitor, combining their DNA and making super-soldiers from them. Yuki begins to fall into despair, but despite Hiroki telling him not to give up, he transforms into his witch form, Legendorgarc, which is similar to Kamen Rider Arc’s Legend Arc form, freeing himself in the process.
After a few moments however, Yuki manages to change his despair into hope, allowing him to cast away his witch form and combine it with his magical boy powers into a stronger power. Yuki’s rose bow transforms into the bladed Barayumi Rose Bow (バラユミ), which he swings around him to transform into Kamen Rider Magica, similar to how Aguri Kusugami transforms into Sky Bow Knight Gai in GARO: Yami o Terasu Mono. Two of his signature finishers are the Rensha Ranbu/Rapid-Fire Attack (連射乱舞) and the Naginata Ranbu – Gōka Midaresaki/Naginata Attack – Luxurious Bloom (ナギナタ乱舞・豪華乱れさき). Magica’s Rider design takes inspiration from GARO and Kamen Rider Hibiki, particularly the latter as Magica was originally planned to take its place in Decade before being reinstated.
(Kamen Rider Magica logo concept. Art by aqmr)
Hiroki as Decade kills Alex and destroys the universe to get back with to his own universe with his friends and the Salacian Riders, taking the past Yuki and Marcela with them as well. The two, having lost their memories of what happened due to their timelines not being in sync, were left in the past and the only thing that they remembered was that they were enemies; Yuki blamed Marcela for killing his lover and destroying his world, while Marcela blamed Yuki for killing her family.
Decade Episode 7 happened and during the final battle, Decade’s use of the Magica Final Form Ride card allowed Magica to unlock his final form, Loveshy Form, upgrading his weapon into the Ultimate Barayumi Rose Bow in the process. Subsequent transformations only require Magica to squat down and draw a circle on the ground around him similar to how Takeru Jakuzure transforms into Flame Sword Knight Zen. In this form, Magica can split his Ultimate Barayumi in half and use it as a nunchaku or a pair of swords. One of this form’s finishers involves shooting an energy beam from his bow, with the first such usage being aided by Decade using the Magica Final Attack Ride card, breaking Marcela’s brainwashing in the progress.
Following that adventure, Yuki and Marcela reconcile and agree to help each other find the truth about their pasts. By the time they encounter their past selves again in their home universe, they have become a couple. Later, they would thank Hiroki and Narutaki for bringing them together, saying that without their help, they would have kept wandering the land fighting each other without realising their true feelings.
Soulbound and Magia Record
A few days after the last instalment was published, it was announced that there would be a new Madoka Magica film produced as a sequel to The Rebellion Story. This, along with the Magia Record game and anime, means that I can’t have a definitive happy ending for Takumi when my project ends this year, though I might be able to do something for Kamen Rider Zi-O.
Soulbound Series 3 is where Takumi and Yuki’s plot threads converge, with the Madoka Magica tribute being shared with the tribute for Sea Princesses (see Dark Sea Princess in #13).
Following the events of Gokaiger and Decade, Yuki and Marcela begin living in seclusion from humanity, working to protect it from various threats as the “rejected beings of their universe”. Meanwhile, with the rise of magical girls in nearby Kamihama, Takumi started becoming territorial and competitive towards other magical girls, including his own comrades. Despite his efforts to save magical girls from becoming witches, Takumi became frustrated that no matter what he tried to do, the universe seemed to rewrite everything and ruin the work he put in. Unbeknownst to Takumi, the Incubation Cleanser was sabotaged, leading to the continued appearances of witches and other evils; said device was taken out of the equation when the Doppel system came into effect. Takumi’s rivalry with Homura still continued, though they began siding with each other so they could fight warriors (including Kamen Riders and magical girls) for their own enjoyment. Takumi and Homura even attacked Yuki and Marcela, only to be saved by Mami and Hitomi.
At the start of the two-parter, the Barrier Base and SEPTAN crews arrive in Kamihama, where Kyōko and Sayaka, alongside Takumi’s twin sister, Kumiko Hayashi, ask them for their help in saving Takumi. When the Salacian Riders appear along the coast in response to a protest against the human exploitation of marine life, the Barrier Base crew and Torchwood Pleiades fight them. After a while, Takumi and Homura arrive and single-handedly defeat everyone, inviting them to bring more warriors to fight them next time.
Following the battle, the Salacian Riders agree to work with the Barrier Base crew, the SEPTAN crew and Torchwood Pleiades to defeat Takumi and Homura. After Torchwood Pleiades gathered up all the magical girls they could find (technically all the playable Magia Record girls released on the Japanese server up to the end of the Rumors in Disguise event in October 2019, not including Tart Magica or crossover characters), they all confront Takumi and Homura outside of the city. During the battle, a number of magical girls use the power of their Doppels and so do Takumi and Yuki; Takumi’s Doppel resembles Walpurgisnacht to differentiate it from Sayaka’s, namely Oktavia von Seckendorff (but also because he was somehow able to command Walpurgisnacht’s power), while Yuki can only use his Doppel, Legendorgarc, for a maximum of 99.9 seconds (like the Makai Knights in GARO) because he only became a witch for a very short time and as such, is unaccustomed to its power.
The negative emotions and minus energy gathering above them from the constant fighting manifests into the Despair Monster, Kanaderos, a sight observed by Kyubey as he thanks everyone for providing the universe with more energy. Hikaru Tomokaze transforms into Ultraman X while Yuki and Marcela transform into Gaia and Agul to fight Kanaderos. After Exceed X uses the Exceed X Slash to purge the despair from Kanaderos, he joins Gaia and Agul as they fire the Xlugger Shot, Photon Edge and Photon Crusher, but the monster is still standing because of the sheer amount of despair still powering it. Gaia powers up into Supreme Version while Hikaru switches into Ginga. The three Ultras finally defeat Kanaderos for good with the Sparion Beam, Photon Stream and Agul Stream.
After the battle, Kumiko convinces Takumi and Homura to stop fighting and work together to investigate what is going on in Kamihama. Following the two-parter, Takumi would appear again at the end of Arcs 11 and 12, while Yuki and Marcela would only return at the end of Arc 12 alongside the Salacian Riders.
Takumi gained further development in Soulbound Series 4 when he was featured in a two-parter at the end of Arc 13, which was just recently broadcast at the time of publishing this instalment. Due to an increase in dimensional fluctuations through the Cardiff Rift over the past 18 months (since the end of Series 3), Kamihama and Torchwood Pleiades disappeared from this universe and so did Takumi, however he resurfaced recently with his comrades nowhere to be found; he had been cut off from his friends and the magical girl circle. Whether Kyubey and the Incubators had anything to do with it is unknown, though even if they did, the most they would have done is indirectly manipulate events to achieve this goal.
Upon receiving a message from Torchwood in Cardiff notifying them of Takumi resurfacing, the Barrier Base crew head to Mitakihara to meet with Hiroki, Akari, the Doctor and Captain Jack Harkness. After encountering Yuki and Marcela nearby as well, the group heads to Porthcawl (one of the entrances to Kamihama) upon hearing that police have spotted Takumi there. When they get there however, Takumi had killed the police officers cornering him and it is then that Yuki realises that something is wrong. Takumi asks where his lover, his friends and his comrades are before taking his cutlass and transforming into his magical boy form similar to how the Golden Knight Garo transforms.
In the ensuing fight, Takumi summons another cutlass and uses it with his other cutlass to transform into Kamen Rider Serranon similar to how Rei Suzumura transforms into Silver Fanged Knight Zero. Serranon was created as a secondary Rider for Magica in response to Geiz Majesty (I had to create a Rider whose name rhymed with Zeronos so that I wouldn’t need to change the transformation tune because this wasn’t like Decade where I could just do whatever and get away with it). At the moment, I don’t have any plans for Serranon’s final form and it’s likely that he won’t be getting one. Takumi’s cutlasses transform into a set of twin swords called the Yanagiba Sōken (柳葉双剣) that can combine into the Yanagiba Ryūtō (柳葉流刀). His finishers are the Sōken Ranbu/Twin Sword Attack (双剣乱舞) and the Ryūtō Ranbu – Mugen Shinken Nuketsuki/Cutlass Attack – Blade of Infinity (流刀乱舞・無限真剣抜けつき), the latter being similar to the signature attack of Zodomas/Skatana from Gokaiger/Super Megaforce.
While the others fight the familiars that Takumi summoned, Yuki and Takumi fight in their Rider forms, resulting in the former being defeated. Takumi is later spotted at the Roald Dahl Plass, right above the Hub, with the intent of opening the Rift to find a way back to Kamihama. Though the Doctor, Jack, Hiroki and Akari try to stop him, he is only stopped when another villain, Doctor Wells Moreau, shoots him out of nowhere. Moreau later approaches Takumi and offers him a way to get back to Kamihama. Takumi is given a gun which he uses to transform into Galactron MK2 and attack Cardiff, but is defeated by Ultraman Ginga.
After the battle, Hiroki and the others convince Takumi to use his powers for good and so, he takes up Captain Jack’s offer to join Torchwood for the time being until his friends return. While the magical girls will be featured in Soulbound Series 4, they will have to part ways with Takumi again at the end of the series because of Magia Record and the fourth Madoka Magica film.
So this is it for the involvement of Puella Magi Madoka Magica in my personal project. I’d like to remind everyone not to worry if you’re confused at anything you’ve seen so far in Kisekae Insights; chances are that I will address it eventually.
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A DECADE’S RETROSPECTIVE, REDQUEENMIKU STYLE
Here we are, facing down the start of a brand new decade. This decade has had its ups and downs for everyone. For me, this has been an extremely eventful decade. So much has happened that it’s actually ridiculous.
So, I got to thinking: as we enter 2020, I want to take a look back at my past ten years of existence and really give you guys a peek into my mind. You’re going to learn where I came from and how I got to where I am now. This decade contained my first experiences with the great wide world of posting to the internet and everything that came with it.
Are you ready? Let’s travel back in time to the start of this decade…
2010
2010 started with the final half of my eighth-grade year. I was an awkward child with a million original characters and no friends.
It was pretty sad.
Eighth grade came and went and summer came around. Wow! Look! What’s that?! Toward the end of the summer that year, a certain character named Jake Speed was born and Diametrics, then known as Lightning Speed, officially commenced. If you don’t know about my precious brainchild, Diametrics, don’t worry. I have something big planned for this summer to coincide with the series’ tenth anniversary that’ll answer everyone’s burning questions.
Then, toward the end of the year, after entering ninth grade, something amazing happened. I officially began my long and storied internet posting career.
Where did I start, you ask?...if you have to ask at all, I mean I’ve mentioned this probably a million times by this point but YES. I got my start as Shinymew76 on Nickelodeon’s official Invader Zim message boards. I was just getting my bearings at this time, so I didn’t do all that much of note, but I was getting ready to make my very first power move…
2011
Now, if you don’t know anything about what the Invader Zim message boards were like, we were kind of a hot mess. We were a tight-knit hot mess, though, and dang if we weren’t proud of it. The main activities of the message boards were making OCs and writing fanfiction. You know how sometimes on fanfiction.net you’ll find those really weird stories that are written entirely in script format? That was our bread and butter on the IZ boards. Just about everyone wrote that way. We had to be pretty kid-friendly too. I mean, what you could get away with depended on what our mod, NickZa, was feeling like that day, we were generally pretty restricted.
It’s important to remember that we were also little baby teenagers in a community revolving around Invader Zim.
In 2011, I began to really try to make a name for myself on the message boards. I started a short-lived gameshow series where people could submit their OCs to compete. It was a Total Drama kind of deal but it never really took off all that well. Then, though, I started a fanfiction titled “200 Years From Now”, which told the story of Dib accidentally transporting himself and Gaz to the future, where Zim has been exiled and a new Irken has been assigned to conquer the earth: Miki. Then, Zim returns to earth and something something rebellion to take down the Tallests. I don’t remember most of the story considering a good chunk of it was lost to time, but it definitely existed. The story also featured Zaz and Zelena, other people’s OCs that they submitted to be part of the story.
I don’t know how big that story made it. I really don’t know the scope, so I couldn’t say with certainty how many people read or enjoyed that story. Younger me, however, thought it was THE BEST. Immediately after it ended, I was already planning for a sequel with the same characters, adding villains from the still-thriving Lightning Speed. The story never actually got written and there was no real plan for anything about it aside from what I just told you, but there you go.
I also branched out further, spreading myself to other Nick.com boards with a variety of usernames because I was a coward. One account was 2darcara2, which was meant for the Danny Phantom and TUFF Puppy boards. I never did anything on the latter, the only remnant being an OC for the series known as Agent Darcara Fox. The former, though, came with two OCs, Annette and Aria Spectrelle, and a fanfiction: Eternal Darkness. The story revolved around Danny Phantom meeting Annette, who was being bullied by her older sister, Aria, and something about Aria being ultra-powerful and wanting Danny dead. Again, much of the story is lost to the ages. 2darcara2 also had an Invader Zim OC to coincide with it: Invader Erin, who had dark powers a la Raven from Teen Titans.
In case you couldn’t tell, 2darcara2 was the edgy one.
Then there was the other account: xxpetalxx. This account was meant for the iCarly and Victorious boards and also had her own Invader Zim OC, a human named Miriam. xxpetalxx published two stories, actually. The first was a crossover for Victorious and Invader Zim, where Zim and Dib end up at Hollywood Arts and Dib tries to get Tori to team up with him against Zim. It never finished, but it was something. More importantly, though, there was iMeet a Hero in Hollywood. I can’t even remember which board this went up on, but it was a three-way crossover between iCarly, Victorious, and Lightning Speed. Yeah. I was getting rather crazy here. I’ll talk more about the unfortunates of iMeet a Hero in Hollywood during that big surprise project I teased earlier, but it was a huge mess. Besides the fact that no one cared and I was way out of my element, it just sort of...dropped off the face of the earth.
Back to the main account, though. I lost the Shinymew76 account somewhere along the way, so I had to take up a new handle for my main account, JS712, named after Jake Speed. After getting bored of trying to maintain two secondary accounts, I cut the whole thing off save for iMeet a Hero in Hollywood and decided to just do things with my main account. That was when I decided to check out the miscellaneous boards. One was a board dedicated to original writing. Of course, I dabbled with posting the first story of Lightning Speed there only to have it rejected the first time around, likely because one of the characters was holding a gun. Yeah. This is how strict things were around there. I got it up the second time, but only by getting rid of the gun. The story never garnered any attention either, so that was a waste of time.
Then there was the video game board. This was a place for discussion about anything and everything video games. I remember everyone there making a big fuss about Chuggaconroy and how he was the best lets-player out there. Simpler times, those were.
On those boards, I attempted to launch a Sonic-themed series known as “Adventures in the Z-7 Station”. The series starred a character named Krystal the Hedgehog, who owned a boarding house called the Z-7 Station, where Sonic, Tails, Amy, Cream, Rouge, Shadow, Omega, Vector, Espio, Charmy, and Eggman lived. I also invited people to submit their own OCs to be included in the story.
No one gave a crap.
Even so, I endured, writing a good number of stories for the series. None of them actually went up, though. Sad, isn’t it?
Finally, I extended myself to the Penguins of Madagascar boards, writing a story known as “Penguins of Madagascar Humanized: Unleashed”. The story revolved around the adventures of the penguins, the lemurs, and Marlene, but as humans. There were also humanized versions of Dr. Blowhole and the android version of Skipper that showed up in, like, one episode of the show. They were the villains of the series alongside an OC named Violet. The story actually garnered a fair bit of recognition...until the whole thing randomly disappeared one day. Considering I didn’t archive it at all, that meant the whole thing was completely lost to time.
Of course, the message boards weren’t the only thing I was doing at this time. I was writing other fanfiction on the side too. One of these things was Shadow’s Story, a mega-crossover where Shadow the Hedgehog journeys across a crud-ton of different worlds to find the Chaos Emeralds to defeat an evil force that has made Sonic into its slave. It was one of the dumbest things in the history of ever, but I wouldn’t be mentioning it if it didn’t become important later.
Then, there came the end of the year, namely the date of November 4th. This was the day that I created a DeviantArt account under the handle KristoonzArtist76, and my life changed forever.
Immediately in the next two months I posted artwork for Lightning Speed, Penguins of Madagascar Humanized, 200 Years From Now, Shadow’s Story, and Adventures in the Z-7 Station. There was also the version of Lightning Speed’s first story that went up on the message boards as well as an attempt to recreate Penguins of Madagascar Humanized in comic form...and it was complete garbage.
I also met back up with people from the message boards during this time, seeing as they also had DeviantArt accounts. The most notable of these were Heidi and Mollie, both of which had been a constant presence on the Invader Zim boards and had actually made pretty significant names for themselves there. Mollie, though, had also been significant on the Penguins boards. I believe she even read the Humanized story before it was deleted.
Anyway, that brings us to the end of 2011. Now we move right into…
2012
2012 was when I started to get really frustrated with the boards...and I pretty much just left. You’re not really going to hear anything about the boards from here on out.
The first significant thing about 2012 happened in February: I bought a thirty-five dollar digital drawing tablet off Amazon. It was a cheap, floppy, plastic thing, but, to a younger me, it was the greatest thing ever. It was with that that I started my grand excursion into the world of digital art, starting with Microsoft Paint.
At the end of February, I decided that I was going to do something special to commemorate the leap year. This took the form of a new original story called The ExPERiMENT, which was about two experimental humans with the absolute worst names in existence, Haretaieto and Aidamizumi, nicknamed Hareta and Mizu for short. The two of them were labelled as defective and scheduled for execution, but are saved and brought to a secret compound for...well...undecided reasons. The story was meant to be told in the form of diary entries dated to the actual days each of them were to be released, but this quickly fell apart and ended up spelling the story’s doom. It stopped after the rescue on April 2nd and was never updated again, despite one or two unreleased efforts on my end to revive it.
In another turn of events, I published what I had for Adventures in the Z-7 Station on DeviantArt. The series went on to introduce Sonia and Manic from Sonic Underground, as well as several new OCs: Spright the Raccoon, Leigh the Hedgehog, and Raven the Echidna. A friend’s OC, Silverdust the Husky, was also included.
Then there was the day I logged on to find children staring me in the face. Heidi, one of the friends I had mentioned earlier, had written a story about her Invader Zim OCs that had also involved characters from Lightning Speed. In particular, the main character, also named Heidi, was involved in a romantic relationship with Dnias Speed, as agreed upon and supported by both of us. Then, one day, Heidi posted drawings of a theoretical set of children for the couple.
Those two children were Dante and Jupiter Speed. They will become extremely important later.
Lightning Speed continued to flourish in this time and I was still keeping up with trying to start getting good at digital art. At the end of May, I opened up five request slots, which ended up getting decent reception...from a bunch of bronies.
Did I forget to mention I was in the My Little Pony fandom at this time?
Things continued on from there. I went to prom, I made more Invader Zim OCs, I reached 100 posts on DeviantArt, I quit the message boards, I started learning how to drive, I pared down my ridiculous number of OCs, I read the Warriors series and actually started writing Warriors fanfiction with a whole four clans full of OCs, I made a group on DeviantArt for Lightning Speed, and many things continued as they already had.
Then, September rolled around and everything changed again.
It began with a class trip and the friend I sat next to on the bus. That friend introduced me to many things that day. One of those things was Law of Talos. Law of Talos is a phase in my life that I referenced for two seconds and then continued to haunt me for the rest of eternity.
The more important thing, though, is my first introduction to Vocaloid. On that day in September of 2012, I became a Vocaloid fanatic for the rest of my natural-born life. This would quickly become both a blessing and a curse.
Then, October rolled around and blessed me with Autodesk Sketchbook Pro. I immediately ditched MS Paint and embraced the new art program whole-heartedly. It was a whole new world. Suddenly I had layers and a color wheel and drawings that didn’t look pixellated.
Then, when Christmas came along, it also gave me a shot at a brand new tablet: a real Wacom Bamboo tablet.
I got fed up trying to get used to it and went back to my old tablet, handing the Bamboo off to my sister. I can’t tell if that was a terrible mistake or not, but here we are.
2013
In January of 2013, I discovered MikuMikuDance. MikuMikuDance is a free program that lets one pose and animate 3D models, primarily for use with Vocaloid models but with models for just about everything under the sun existing in one place or another.
This program was the worst thing that ever happened to me period.
Slowly but surely my art started to get completely drowned out by constant MMD images. I had MMD OCs, being crappy recolors of Miku and Rin. I had bizarre lore for different models. I put together those stupid Jewel Hearts that people keep downloading to this very day and I get messages of people favoriting them on DeviantArt constantly and it makes me want to scream because all I did was take a half of a heart someone else had made and just slap the two sides together and recolor it a few times yet it’s literally the most popular thing I’ve ever made someone please end meeeeee.
*ahem*
The MMD stuff wasn’t so bad in 2013, but this is where it started, so I’m obligated to mention it.
As for things that weren’t MMD that happened in 2013, we first have Lightning Speed. In 2013, the final material for the first run of the series was posted on DeviantArt. It wasn’t planned to be the last, but that’s how things worked out. The series still continued outside of DeviantArt, but there’s nothing on the internet to show for it.
There was also the X-Factor OC tournament, a tournament run by Heidi where various Invader Zim characters would be put up against each other in a literary battle of the ages. The character I entered was one I had adopted off the message boards before my departure: Quinn. Three of the tournament’s four rounds took place this year, all of which were wins for Quinn and my admittedly lackluster writing.
2013 also happened to be the time of a monumental shift in fandom for me. I voluntarily left behind the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom. To fill the void, though, I turned to...Koopalings. This, again, was both a blessing and a curse.
And, on top of that, 2013 was the year I attended my very first convention and wore my very first cosplay. I was a hastily-put-together Kagamine Rin. The costume was crap and the convention was just a tiny local event, but I still had fun nonetheless.
Then, at the end of 2013, something incredible happened. Heidi had created a shipping meme some months prior. As her friend, I filled out the meme and, in the process, I jokingly decided to pair Miku up with a cloud. Eventually, the joke devolved, said cloud eventually turning into one certain character of mine that had once had a cloud-like form. Then, that Christmas, I produced my very first annual Christmas shipping picture with said couple: Miku and the character known as Red King.
Yes, dear friends. This is where Red Queen Miku was born.
Oh, I also got a laptop for Christmas. That happened too.
2014
The first thing I did in 2014 was start up a challenge that would quickly become the bane of my existence: the MMD 100 Themes Challenge. This absolutely massive undertaking was the death blow for anything non-MMD related on my DeviantArt account. By that point, I was rarely posting actual art. 80 of 100 themes were posted this year alongside many more MMD images, dwarfing all other posts from this year.
Even through the MMD, though, I found the time and energy to start up my very own OC tournament: the Nightmare Manor OCT. Character submissions for the tournament began in February and, after the final audition phase from April to August, 14 characters had been entered and matched up for round one. After that, round 2 began in December, now down to only 6 participants after eliminations.
2014 was also the year that the first run of Lightning Speed finally came to an official close after over fifty quote-unquote “seasons”, ending officially on September 13th. In its wake, though, emerged Cannonfire, the story of Dante and Jupiter and their quest to escape nonexistence after being removed from their world. At the end of the story, Dante and Jupiter return from the city of those that don’t exist, Cannonfire, now existing in a parallel reality to the Lightning Speed series. The story was written early in 2014 and posted that summer.
Besides that, there were also my first full-fledged fanfictions for the Mario fandom. There was The Show Must Go On, a story about Lemmy Koopa getting kidnapped by a gang of thugs and Iggy and Larry venturing out to try to save him, and Cold Wind, a series of short stories about the Koopalings living in a normal neighborhood, going to a normal school, and doing normal things, based off of events from my own past. A few tertiary stories left over from the original run of Lightning Speed were also posted
Also this year, the final round of the X-Factor OCT began. Quinn ended up winning once again, securing victory over the entire OCT with a piece of writing that, honestly, was rushed and kind of lazy. I’m convinced I only got by because my opponent did literally nothing.
August 2014 would also mark the last time I’d open up requests on DeviantArt, this time only being single-character sketch commissions. I believe it was sometime after this that I abandoned the My Little Pony fandom for good, although not necessarily because of it.
And then tragedy struck. 2014 marked the release of my first Youtube videos featuring terrible voice acting that I tried to pass off as being good. People still watch these things to this day. I hate these videos and everything they stand for.
Most importantly, however, 2014 was the year I graduated from high school and the year I started attending college, going for an Associate’s in Simulation and Game Development at the local community college. I spent my first semester learning the basics and getting adjusted, eventually making my first college friend.
2015
2015 is the year that absolutely everything started changing for the better.
...well, almost everything. First, let’s get the bad news out of the way.
Checking back in on the Nightmare Manor OCT, the tournament’s second round of six contestants garnered a grand total of half an entry. After two separate calls to action, the tournament was abandoned in May without an official statement; a mistake on my part, but I was pretty depressed about the whole thing, so can you really blame me?
The MMD 100 Theme Challenge was also abandoned this year, stopping at theme 97 out of 100. Fun fact: the last three images actually exist. I just never posted them.
Then there was Curtain Call, the sequel to The Show Must Go On. Curtain Call was a disaster and it’s probably the worst fanfiction I’ve ever written besides, well, Shadow’s Story. Please don’t ever read it.
Now for the good news.
Firstly, 2015 was the year that I finally stopped using MMD. Even in the beginning part of the year, I was already posting far less of it. This meant I was focusing more on my art and, when I say that, that’s no exaggeration. 2015 was a huge year of improvement for me, from learning new techniques to adopting a vastly different art style that was more fun for me to use to ditching Autodesk in favor of Krita, allowing me to finally move past my inhibitions and actually use things like pen pressure, which I was too afraid to do in Autodesk, where I’d kept my settings the exact same since 2012. I also obtained a new drawing tablet: a Wacom Intuos 3 given to me by my uncle as a hand-me-down.
The things I wrote this year weren’t anything particularly special, for the most part. Cold Wind continued and Surveyor’s Wings, a crossover involving Larry, Wendy, and Roy Koopa getting transported to the world of Attack on Titan, started up, going into indefinite hiatus a short time later. There was also This is Me, a short one about Larry Koopa accidentally switching bodies with Luigi. Above all of them, though, was In Memoriam Vos, a twisted story where the Koopalings are suddenly thrust into a world that wants Lemmy Koopa dead. This was also the year I created an account on Fanfiction.net, named RedQueenMiku, where I posted “This is Me” and “In Memoriam Vos”.
This year was also the year of the Mushroom Timeline, my first attempt at a Mario timeline that also came with its own map. With that also came my first time arguing a Game Theory video, being that I couldn’t just ignore the fact that their timeline came out the day before I posted my own.
This year was also the year I entered another OC tournament: Origins OCT. I entered Dnias from the Lightning Speed series, partnered with his mental companion of cynical disposition, Yang. The tournament was a blast and I had a lot of fun with it, even with all the mistakes I made in the process. The first three rounds took place this year, all of which I won.
Lightning Speed also received a hard reboot this year, transitioning into the short-lived “Lightning Speed 2”. The first story of this run released this year.
This was also the year that I discovered and subsequently adopted a group of bootleg Koopalings I began affectionately referring to as the Bootleglings. Nonexist was created to coexist beside them later that year. The Sesonia AU was also launched, being an AU that shuffles around Koopalings from both the games and the cartoons and Bootleglings, placing them in a fantasy world heavily themed around the four seasons where magic is a prominent feature. Also, there was KoopaDoopa4321, a joke account I made on DeviantArt. I never did all that much with it, but it existed and I posted some art produced in MS Paint there.
This was also the year I created my Tumblr account, RedQueenMiku, this being the second account of mine to bear this name after the Youtube account the year before (because the Fanfiction account came afterward). Because of this, 2015 was my first year participating in the yearly Tumblr event known as Koopalings Week (as well as the year I created my human designs for the Koopalings). Later in the year, I created a second blog, justkristoonzartist76things, for posting small blurbs and generally ranting out of the way of the main blog. It took me a while to find my footing on Tumblr and get comfortable enough to start posting art, but, eventually, my main blog transitioned from reblog city to a mainly art-focused blog. Two more blogs also popped up toward the end of the year: little-red-dolls, which was dedicated to a dress-up game kick I’d had at the time as a big guilty pleasure that didn’t last that long, and frame-by-frame-mario, a blog devoted to weird inbetweens and animations errors in the Mario cartoons.
Finally, this year had one more significant occurrence: I witnessed my future anime husband, Sakaki Yuya, for the first time over my friend’s shoulder in class. Due to this, I asked my friend to teach me how to play Yugioh. Now you know why I started playing Yugioh. It was all Yuya’s fault for being so handsome.
2016
2016 built a lot upon what 2015 started. In fact, in a lot of ways, I regard it as a continuation of 2015.
2016 was also the year I snagged myself a Core Membership on DeviantArt and finally renamed my account from KristoonzArtist76 to the iconic RedQueenMiku you see today. I also changed the name of my second blog to correspond with this, it becoming justredqueenmiku things. From here on, RedQueenMiku would become a constant handle for me on absolutely everything.
The biggest thing that happened at the start of 2016, though, was me finally playing a certain indie game that had come out the previous year: Undertale. I immediately became obsessed. I drew art for the series, I made a blog specifically for it, rqmundertaleparty, to keep spoilers away from those that didn’t want it, and I undertook the challenge of drawing every single major character from the game, which I ultimately succeeded with, coming out with sixty-two drawings for the challenge.
Then, there were the AUs. Many of my AUs for Undertale at that time were simple derivatives of things I already had, like Sesoniatale, Yangtale (which was planned to have a story, but was scrapped), and Nostritale (based off of the Memoriam series, which had recently gained a new entry in the form of a very basic version of In Memoriam Nostri, which would be expanded upon later). There was also Underfire, an Undertale derivative of Cannonfire that had its own short series of comic strips, and Mariotale, which was my attempt to cast Mario characters in the roles of Undertale characters.
Lastly but most importantly, for April Fools that year, I decided to, as a joke, revive Adventures in the Z-7 Station as an Undertale AU titled Krystaltale. The revival, though, ended up having twisted meta elements that eventually warranted its continuation from the three parts posted on DeviantArt for April Fools. In the AU, Krystal was changed to a skeleton named Lucida, but still retained her memories from her previous incarnation and wished to recreate what she had in this new world she suddenly finds herself in using the powers of resetting and scripting to make events exactly the way she wants them. Sans catches on to them and starts to oppose Lucida, creating the back and forth that would persist for the rest of the series.
Also for April Fools that year, I attempted to start an ask blog on Tumblr for the Bootleglings, titled ask-the-real-koopalings. The blog never took off, however, mostly due to my own lack of motivation.
Also in 2016, Cannonfire received a sequel, Cannonfire 2, in which Dante and Jupiter are brought back to Cannonfire, where this time they would remain alongside another Lightning Speed child, Thicket, and a character that had been scrapped during the transition from Lightning Speed to Lightning Speed 2: Nightmare.
In January of 2016, the final round of the Origins OCT came and went, with myself taking the runner-up spot. Later that year, a second season of Origins would begin, this time with myself entering Dante. After the first round, however, the tournament abruptly ended.
2016 was also the year I finally started watching Yugioh Arc V. I made it through nearly forty episodes this year. I also updated my human Koopaling designs and started doing DeviantArt memes for fun, notably posting the very first version of the first crack lovechild meme I did. My first palette challenge was this year as well and, slowly but surely, I was moving myself away from DeviantArt and toward Tumblr as my primary platform. There was also the first death of KoopaDoopa4321, meant to be on April Fools, but accidentally delayed to April 2nd. This was also the year I changed the anniversary of Lightning Speed from July 12th to July 29th and posted the second and final story of Lightning Speed 2.
Speaking of, there wasn’t a lot of writing that came out from me this year. Besides Krystaltale and Lightning Speed 2, there was a one-shot based on my old headcanons about Bowser’s past titled “Her Name Was Annabel” and a story revolving around Ludwig von Koopa after the birth of Bowser Jr and the subsequent revoking of Ludwig’s birthright that also included elements of Superstar Saga, this one titled “Decomposure”. These went up exclusively on Fanfiction.net along with a cross-post of The Show Must Go On. There was also one more part of Cold Wind that went up on DeviantArt before the series went into indefinite hiatus. Behind the scenes, though, I was already starting up stories for the Sesonia AU, the Bootleglings, the Memoriam series, and multiple things for Undertale including two crossovers and two one-shots. I also received a dare from a friend this year to finally write a sequel to Shadow’s Story in the worst possible way as a great big joke, so that happened too, resulting in Shadow’s Sequel.
On top of all this, I finished the Simulation and Game Development program I was in, our capstone project being producing an RPG titled “Life’s Memory”. It was an extreme prototype of a game, but I believe we accomplished what we set out to do.
Then, at the end of the year, I posted the final awful voice acting video I ever made. It was meant to make fun of the previous ones, but it ended up being cringy in its own right, so I still regret it immensely.
2017
2017 for me started with news of an upcoming move that summer, which immediately sent me into a depression over having to leave behind the place I’d been living for nearly ten years by that point. As a result, I feel into a rather extreme slump. I took on an expression challenge to try to cure my art block, not posting a single finished piece outside of that until the end of February. I started several sketches for images that I never completed and subsequently threw out. I abandoned the frame-by-frame Mario blog after trying to hand it off to someone else with no reception. I didn’t return to DeviantArt until April due to anxiety about the amount of messages piling up from a posting flood at the end of the previous year. Generally, I was just feeling like a piece of garbage.
There wasn’t much that happened in the first part of the year. I was certainly writing more than I was drawing, though. I started two more Cannonfires and a project named “I Can Fix You” that was supposed to go up at the end of that year, but ended up being shoved back. There was also the next story in the Krystaltale saga, “The Mispersonification Ray” which actually did go up on DeviantArt. I did also create the Barian Koopalings AU at the start of this year as well.
Over the course of the year and especially during the move, I started watching more Yugioh Arc V, eventually finishing the series by September. I also watched Yuri on Ice this year. I also got back into the crack love-child meme and, after finishing my second one shortly after the move, I came up with the premise for “The Great S.T.O.R.K. Machine” and created worlds for all the children to live their lives, quickly revamping the first meme shortly after.
Then, on July 29th, I officially revealed Lightning Speed’s final reboot to Diametrics. I’ll talk more about Diametrics in that thing I keep teasing, though, so keep an eye out for that later this year.
Then Koopalings Week 2017 came around, I set unrealistic standards for myself, and it crushed my soul again.
This year also just so happened to be the year that I looked back on my rant on the Game Theory Mario Timeline and said “Yeah, I could have done better”. This led me to start writing theory rebuttals that would eventually turn into full-fledged videos. I created the first version of a video on Game Theory’s Rosalina Unmasked video this year, as well as wrote the first draft of a script on Game Theory’s Mario Timeline and a couple other theories.
Things proceeded as normal into the end of the year. I drew more Arc V art, I started writing my first Arc V fanfictions, I posted the somewhat-sequel to In Memoriam Vos, In Memoriam Eius, I made a Wattpad account that I posted Cannonfire 1 and 2 on and then swiftly abandoned, I drew a piece for Hatsune Miku’s tenth anniversary, I posted a Christmas special for Krystaltale, I made an account for the Yuri on Ice Amino, and…
...oh...right...
that drama started this year…
So, in December of this year, I was approached by a user I’ll keep anonymous for her own sake. This user, who I’ll call “T”, directed my eye toward her DeviantArt account, which contained uncredited drawings of her characters wearing some of the outfits of my Bootlegling designs and Nonexist. I asked for these to be credited and they weren’t. This doesn’t escalate, though, until…
2018
In 2018, the T drama escalated from an argument to an all-out war. I did some things I’m not proud of, but I tried to come at the situation with as much grace and dignity as I could muster. I’m not going into detail because, in the end, it doesn’t matter to the present day—the whole thing is over and no one needs to bring it back up like that—but the only thing worth knowing is that I unintentionally stoked a fire I was ill-prepared to deal with and, somehow, I gained a crud-ton of followers on DeviantArt because of it.
Finally, in April, after T had been ignoring large majorities of my messages and the situation moved far beyond needing my input, I dropped out of the whole thing, making my final statement and leaving it be.
Now I can talk about everything else that happened in 2018. Gracious.
The beginning of 2018 was slow because of the drama debacle, but I started a palette challenge on Tumblr and I drew pieces for Yuri Plisetsky’s fictional birthday and Mar10 Day, along with a third crack love-child meme for The Great S.T.O.R.K. Machine, finally revealing the whole thing on DeviantArt toward the end of the year and even starting on a fourth entry, and I entered a contest on the Yuri on Ice Amino with a picture of Otabek that didn’t end up placing.
April Fools then rolled around and, for 2018, I decided to re-release Shadow’s Story alongside the sequel I’d written two years prior on my newly-acquired AO3 account. The whole thing was massively ridiculous and even included pictures every few paragraphs, just like the original had so many years ago. I don’t know if anyone even caught chapter 19, though...
Summer came, I moved Diametrics’ anniversary to July 31st, I started up a challenge called the RedQueenMiku Redraw Bonanza where I redraw, like, a bajillion old pieces from my past, and I drew pieces and wrote a whole slew of bios for Koopalings Week 2018. Fall came, I went off on Nintendo’s announcement of New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe and the existence of Peachette, I started on a brand-new Mario timeline, I finally posted Roy, I started and subsequently failed my first attempt at a Goretober after only three days, I played Deltarune, I posted a redraw of an image involving Karl from Castle of Nations and Law of Talos that was actually a huge mistake to post, I started a Twitter account, and I created and started taking requests for a brand new challenge called the Yuri Expression Challenge, where I draw characters with expressions from various screencaps of Yuri from Arc V. Brilliant, I know. Praise me for my intelligent brain.
2019
And we finally come to the year we’re leaving behind us tonight: 2019. 2019 has been a heck of a year on its own.
2019, in itself, was a lot like 2017. I started off massively depressed, then, in the summer, we moved again.
In January, we lost our dog and I spiraled into depression again. Between that and computer issues, I didn’t actually do a lot in January. I did, however, join an art group on the Yuri on Ice amino in this time: Artevivo. I posted one more piece for the Yuri Challenge before my desktop failed on me and I was forced to either do art on my quickly-dying laptop or go traditional. The latter is what I did for the first Artevivo prompt post, though I took the former route to make a doodle post announcing my sort-of official return to the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom.
Next up was February. I did a few more traditional doodles, one set of them revealing an Arc V AU known as the Dragonia AU, before I finally got my desktop back online. I drew a couple more pieces after that, including an Artevivo prompt for Valentine’s Day involving Otabek and Mila.
March came with Mar10 day once again and an Artevivo prompt about boy bands in which I made a stupid joke by drawing Yuuri, Victor, and Yurio as Dreamboat Express a la Sonic Boom. I also entered a contest on the Amino for St. Patrick’s Day and, while I ended up just shy of winning the whole shebang, I did place first in my category, earning the title of Emerald Princess. Most importantly, though, I dropped a bunch of titles for future writing projects. Some of them, like “I Can Fix You”, “Yu-Gi-Oh: Arc INFINITE”, “Sesonia: The Dark of Spring”, “In Memoriam Nostri”, and Cannonfires 3 and 4 had already been previously announced, but others like “Tales from a Dark and Stormy Night”, “49”, “Jump Up, Superstar!”, “Memory to Hunt her Down”, and, most notably, “In Memoriam ihr Zerbrechliches Ego”, were brand new announcements.
April came around with a half-hearted failed attempt at an April Fools event that we don’t need to talk about and not much else. There was an Artevivo prompt about Cherry Blossoms, another entry in the Redraw Challenge, and I drew some bears. That was really about it.
In May, I traveled for Animazement 2019, which ended up being a heck of a lot of fun. There was also an Artevivo prompt about sea creatures AND the release of the first real story in “The Great S.T.O.R.K. Machine”’s series on AO3. At the end of the month, though, I had a real scare. I backed up everything on my laptop onto an external hard drive then, about a week after that, my laptop sang its final hurrah, dying to a critical hard drive failure.
June was a much slower month. I drew a few pieces at the beginning of the month, but, by the end, we had already begun our next big move. I managed to squeeze in a Sonic birthday sketch dump before we left and I even got the Artevivo prompt for that month done ahead of time. The rest of the month, though, was pretty much completely dead, as I had to pack up my only remaining computer for the move. At the very end of the month, though, I bought a brand-new laptop, meaning I was officially back in business and better than ever, at that.
July started with me taking on a style challenge on the Amino and just generally drawing a whole heck of a lot. This continued all the way through July.
Then, August came. I kept up with Koopalings Week like I never had before, ending it out with the least fatigue I’d ever felt coming out of a Koopalings week. I also finally finished an enormous piece for Diametrics that I had planned to finish for the anniversary, but that took much longer than expected due to the sheer scale of the piece. There was also an Artevivo prompt about fruit somewhere in there too.
September was a month that I vowed to be productive for considering the previous year’s September I did absolute bupkis. What a productive September it was too. I drew some Sonic characters in Vocaloid outfits, released an Undertale two-shot called “Vodka en Rouge”, added another three entries to the Redraw Bonanza, completed an Artevivo prompt for Fall, and started preparing for another crack at the Goretober I’d failed the previous year by drawing six different practice pictures. We also finally got into our new house this month, so that was great too.
Then, Goretober finally came. Did I succeed this time? Well, no. I managed to get most all of them done, but 27, 28, 29, and 30 were never completed. Even so, I produced a grand total of 25 images this month, which is still absolutely insane. I also made a rule for myself that I couldn’t draw for the same fandom twice, meaning the variety of pieces was vast and I even drew characters that I had never previously drawn like Twelve from Zankyou no Terror, Katara from Avatar the Last Airbender, Sakura from Zombieland Saga, Luluco from Space Patrol Luluco, and Kaoru from Ouran High School Host Club.
When November rolled around, I swore to myself I wouldn’t let myself slump into inactivity like I had after previous challenges like Koopalings Week 2018. With that resolve, I kept drawing. I drew a piece celebrating the new Sonic movie trailer drop. I did a short livestream only one person came to. I drew a piece of steampunk art for the Artevivo prompt. Finally, though, I started the Youtube channel I’d been preparing for for two entire years, RedQueenMiku2, and I started with newly-revamped videos on Rosalina Unmasked and the Game Theory Mario Timeline, just like I’d planned to do years ago.
Finally, we come to the present. December came with three more videos, a Silvaze Christmas piece, a Christmas Aretevivo prompt, and the retrospective you’re reading right now. Really, looking at 2019 as a whole, it’s like what 2017 could have been if I’d done things right. In 2017, I let depression get the best of me and let my work suffer because of it. In 2019, though, I pushed through and vowed not to quit, bettering myself because of it.
That’s the big thing here, really. 2010-2014 was all about me trying to find myself as a young, impressionable teenager, 2015 and 2016 were me discovering where I wanted to be and how I wanted to present myself, and 2017-2019 were me coming to terms with myself and pushing through my own mental roadblocks. Looking at where I started and where I’ve ended up, the difference is staggering. Of course, it has been ten years, after all. Now, as we look ahead to 2020 and the start of a brand new decade, I can only hope things will just keep getting better from here.
Happy 2020, everyone. Cheers.
#sorry for the long#this is just something i wanted to do for posterity's sake#it's fun to look back and see where you came from#also i'm highly sentimental#to a ridiculous degree#so yeah#that's where all this nonsense came from#*jazz hands*#happy new year everyone!!!
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Rock out with 15 Years of Samurai Champloo!
15 years ago today, Samurai Champloo burst onto the anime scene. Its anachronistic mix of hip-hop aesthetic, chanbara action, and slick animation made it an instant classic. Director Shinichiro Watanabe has continued to bring his own unique vision to more and more titles since then, but the Edo-period piece remains his most down-to-earth yet... literally.
As with anything Watanabe creates, a lot of different visionaries and inspirations contributed to the entire package. From classic Japanese artists to modern musicians, they're all a part of why we love Samurai Champloo. Today, as we look back on the decade and a half since (and forward to Watanabe's other work), we're taking a moment to investigate some of the individual assets that helped put together the bigger picture.
As with anything Watanabe makes, we can only ever hope to scratch the surface when it comes to his collaborators and ideas. Any other favorite creators or themes you've noticed in the series? Let's keep the conversation rolling in the comments to celebrate the show's longevity!
Music: Nujabes
The late Jun Seba began his career in music as a record store owner, before kicking off his own indie label in 1998. By 2003 he was creating tracks under the name Nujabes, wowing crowds around the world with his nostalgic blends of hip-hop and jazz.
Nujabes contributed an impressive number of tracks to the Samurai Champloo soundtrack, including the iconic opening theme "Battlecry" (a collaboration with Shing02). This was in addition to his own prolific output. Sadly, Seba's life was cut tragically short in a car crash in 2010. Several albums were released posthumously, and a massive concert was held this past February on the ninth anniversary of his passing.
Head on over to Spotify for more music from Nujabes, including the full Luv(sic) Hexalogy.
Music: Fat Jon
Watanabe loves to come West to find musical talent for his projects, and Samurai Champloo was no exception. Another prolific contributor to the show's soundtrack was Ohio-born Jon Marshall, a.k.a. Fat Jon the Soul Physician. The rapper and producer is another major multitasker, serving as a member of Five Deez, 3582, Rebel Clique, and Beautiful Killing Machine.
Fat Jon's many contributions to the Samurai Champloo soundtrack include "How You Feel" and "1st Samurai," the latter a collaboration with the aforementioned Nujabes. He's still making music to this day, which you can check out on his official website, ample soul.
Music: Force of Nature
Rounding out Samurai Champloo's Big 3 (or is that Big 4?) contributors—though by no means the last of the musicians attached to the project—are Force of Nature. The Japanese duo consists of KZA and DJ Kent, a duo bringing together their talents, unique styles, and massive vinyl collection together to create lo-fi beats to watch anime to.
You'll recognize their sound in tracks like "Just Forget" and "Same Ol' Thing," blending calm vintage tracks with more modern dance and hip-hop beats. They also teamed up with Tsutchie (formerly of Shakkazombie, featured in Cowboy Bebop's Session XX) for the Samurai Champloo soundtrack album Masta.
Fans wanting more of Force of Nature will reach a dead end attempting to access their website... but their MySpace is still up and running with some sample tracks.
Art: Kazuto Nakazawa
Fans of Kill Bill will recognize Kazuto Nakazawa's style at work in Samurai Champloo. The artist pulled double duty as both character designer and chief animator, adding to the show's distinctive look and wild chanbara-inspired action scenes.
Nakazawa's work on Kill Bill—the anime sequence depicting O-Ren Ishii's back story—premiered just one year prior to Champloo. In that same year, he did key animation for two short films in The Animatrix: "Kid's Story" and "A Detective Story." You'll also see his animation at work in the video for Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit."
Inspiration(?): Spike Spiegel
Perhaps we should say "anti-inspiration," because Watanabe's goal was to create a character who was Spike Spiegel's polar opposite.
The character of Mugen—the rude, reckless member of our lead trio—was dreamed up as Watanabe was working on the Cowboy Bebop movie, Knockin' on Heaven's Door. The idea was to create an antithesis to the space cowboy: where Spike was mature, capable, and cool, Watanabe wanted someone "young and a little stupid." We're not sure if he succeeded in making Mugen not cool, though... in spite of (or perhaps because of) his wild style, viewers love him.
Funnily enough, Steve Blum served as the dub voice of both Spike and Mugen.
Inspiration: Historical Luminaries
Samurai Champloo pulls a lots from Japan's Edo Period; but if you're looking for historical accuracy, you'll be either very disappointed or extremely confused. If the slew of R&B and hip-hop artists populating the soundtrack didn't already clue you in, the series loves anachronisms and prefers entertainment over accuracy.
That's not to say you won't get a tiny bit of a history lesson as you watch. Take Fuu's unexpected modeling job for Hishikawa Moronobu, one of the first artists to popularize the style. (He may have taken some liberties with her likeness, but she sure didn't seem to mind!) They also have a run-in with Alexander Cartwright, the man credited by some with inventing the modern sport of baseball. Just be sure to take everything you see with a huge shaker of salt; we're guessing Cartwright didn't challenge random samurai to baseball games, though we could be wrong.
What are your favorite things about Samurai Champloo? Let's keep celebrating in the comments!
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Kara Dennison is a writer, editor, and interviewer with bylines at VRV, We Are Cult, Fanbyte, and many more. She is also the co-founder of Altrix Books and co-creator of the OEL light novel series Owl's Flower. Kara blogs at karadennison.com and tweets @RubyCosmos.
Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!
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Happy New Year! Books are the Best!
In 2018 I went to Japan, filled some bookshelves, and read more than the usual amount of literary biographies. In Japan, we navigated the bookstore in which Haruki Murakimi apparently bought his first fountain pen. While there, I bought copies of two of my favourite Japanese books: Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto, and Book 1 (of 6) of 1Q84.
Japanese books are very beautiful, and all very uniform. There were hundreds of book protectors on sale in every bookshop and stationery shop (we went to a lot of those – the Iroshizuku ink was soooo cheap!), I had to remind myself that books in the UK don’t fit into them to stop myself from bringing them all home. Now that I have at least one Banana Yoshimoto book in Japanese, there’s more incentive than ever to try and learn the language. I’ve been thinking a lot this year about how much is lost or gained in translation and what that does to a book depending on the language you read. This Little Art by Kate Briggs is a novel-length essay on exactly this topic, and I read it not long after The Idiot in which the protagonist has a crisis about language and how words can lose their meaning. They fit together very well in my head – both asked and tried to provide answers to questions about translation, like why even do it at all if meaning is going to be lost? Having read Murakami’s most recent book, Killing Commendatore, I’m still not sure if the absence of Jay Rubin as translator is responsible for my disappointment with it, or if it was just a bad book, or if Haruki Murakami has never been that great and it was all Jay Rubin all along.
This Little Art, The Idiot, Shirley and Romantic Outlaws are probably my favourites from this year. Also Daphne du Maurier’s short story The Breakthrough, from Don’t Look Now. Sinister, terrifying, haunting, all words that fall short of describing the atmosphere of that one short story.
I read Shirley after reading Outsiders by Lyndall Gordon. I had tried to read it before and had never been able to get past the first chapter, but something about Outsiders made me want to try again. Reading Outsiders made me realise in a way that I hadn’t before that books written in the last couple of centuries aren’t as far removed from us as I had thought. Previously, when reading books from different time periods, I had become as detached as if I was reading fantasy; I forgot that the stories being told were often very firmly set in social, political and cultural climates that had once existed. It helped me to find ways to empathise with the narrators and the characters, and make them much more human and relatable. While reading Shirley, instead of feeling like the characters and situations were a million miles away, I forced myself to remember that Charlotte Brontë was writing about events that were important to the people in the time she was writing about. Her father witnessed Luddite uprisings. The setting of Shirley with its discussions of workers’ rights and its attacks on mills was as real for Charlotte and her father as Brexit and Trump are for us now.
Turtles All The Way Down – John Green
My Twentieth Century Evening and Other Small Breakthroughs – Kazuo Ishiguro
Manderley Forever: Daphne du Maurier, A Life – Tatiana de Rosnay
Don’t Look Now & other short stories – Daphne du Maurier
Outsiders: Five Women Writers who Changed the World – Lyndall Gordon
Shirley – Charlotte Brontë
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The first time I tried to read Shirley, I struggled to get past the first three chapters. "This is not as good as Jane Eyre or Villette," I thought. And, of course, I was wrong. How did I come to change my mind and try again? It was because I read Outsiders by Lyndall Gordon. It was sometimes difficult to read; lots of what felt like fact-listing, and the events of the five lives studied are not always in chronological order, which would not be a problem if it was made clearer. This made it difficult to get through but did not affect my ability to be grateful for all the new information and the future reading list (I have a charity shop copy of Middlemarch now sitting on top of a book pile, and am searching for some Olive Schreiner). It also provided me with new reasons to persevere with Shirley. Though the Brontë sister included in this book is Emily, not Charlotte, it is impossible to talk about one without mentioning the other. Especially when Charlotte included a characters based on Emily in a novel: Shirley Keeldar and Caroline Helstone. To read someone's fictionalised perception of her sisters' characters, I thought, would be a very strange experience. And it is, it sometimes feels weirdly voyeuristic. In the future we are all in on the secret. A huge theme throughout Outsiders is the rights of women and how their role has changed over time; Shirley is referred to as an incredibly feminist book. And it is. Jane Eyre has nothing on it. Still feminist, but this is in-your-face "what are we supposed to do all day, cook and sew??" "…yes. I hate womenites." So I decided to read it again but placing it as contemporary, rather than viewing it as a relic of the past which I should accept that I can't always understand or relate to. Putting these new perspectives on it has really helped me to get into the book. This is a huge post. Shirley is great. (Also the first time Shirley was used as a female name!) #bookstagram #Shirley #charlottebrontë #outsiders #lyndallgordon #brontë #nowreading
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In Search of Anne Brontë – Nick Holland
Moshi Moshi – Banana Yoshimoto
Asleep – Banana Yoshimoto
Valley of the Dolls – Jacqueline Susan
Eleanor and Park – Rainbow Rowell
Winter – Ali Smith
Banshee, Volumes 2 & 5
My Uncle Oswald – Roald Dahl
Young Hearts Crying – Richard Yates
The White Book – Han Kang
Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë
The Idiot – Elif Batuman
Emily Brontë Reappraised: A View from the 21st Century – Claire O’Callaghan
A Cup Of Sake Beneath The Cherry Trees – Yoshida Kenko
This Little Art – Kate Briggs
The Lonely City – Olivia Laing
The Diary of a Bookseller – Shaun Bythell
Sputnik Sweetheart – Haruki Murakami
A Cat, A Man and Two Women – Junichiro Tanazaki
N. P. – Banana Yoshimoto
Romantic Outlaws – Charlotte Gordon
The Pilgrims – Mary Shelley
Bartleby The Scrivener – Herman Melville
Behind A Wardrobe In Atlantis – Emma J. Lannie
The Hatred of Poetry – Ben Lerner
Convenience Store Woman – Sayuka Murata
Demian – Herman Hesse
Revolutionary Girl Utena 20th Anniversary companion book
The Penguin Book of Japanese Short Stories – Edited by Jay Rubin, Introduction by Haruki Murakami
The Beginning of the World in the Middle of the Night – Jen Campbell
The Tales of Beedle the Bard – J.K. Rowling, Illustrated by Chris Riddell
We went to a talk given by Chris Riddell at Nottingham Trent University. He was answering questions about his work on the newly illustrated Beedle the Bard while drawing for us live. He signed my copy of The Edge Chronicles Maps, and was generally very lovely.
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Tonight we went to see Chris Riddell speaking with Dr Sarah McConnell at Nottingham Trent University. There were live illustrations, and Shauna Shim did dramatic readings from The Tales of Beedle The Bard. I've been reading The Edge Chronicles since I picked up a copy of Beyond The Deepwoods AT THE LIBRARY (libraries, man!), aged 11, and thought it had the best front cover I had ever seen. Now that I'm older, if Chris Riddell has illustrated something I assume it's good and read it. Thank-you @chris_riddell for staying super late after your talk to speak to everyone and sign everything! @ntucreated #nottinghamtrent #illustration #theedgechronicles #beyondthedeepwoods
A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Oct 3, 2018 at 2:26pm PDT
Ariel – Sylvia Plath
Charlotte Brontë Revisited: A View from the 21st Century – Sophie Franklin
Killing Commendatore – Haruki Murakami
By The Light of My Father’s Smile – Alice Walker
Agnes Grey – Anne Brontë
Rough Magic – Paul Alexander
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HAPPY FRIDAY GUYS
A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Dec 21, 2018 at 1:55pm PST
How To Be Invisible – Kate Bush
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Merry Kate-mas =D
A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Dec 25, 2018 at 9:34am PST
Mary Ventura and the Ninth Kingdom – Sylvia Plath
This year I would like to write more about the books I am reading – this blog has been very neglected for the past couple of years! I’ve been occasionally taking part in the Are You Book Enough bookbinding challenge on instagram again. This time last year I was working on the January 2018 theme Darkness. I wrote and illustrated a story called The Black Ribbon. It was inspired by the Tatiana de Rosnay biography of Daphne du Maurier, in which de Rosnay refers to Daphne du Maurier’s depressive episodes as her “black ribbon.” It’s also a tribute to Edward Gorey. I thought his style of illustration would be best suited to the story I was telling, so I had a go at reproducing his style.
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Part 2 of my #AreYouBookEnough January book. Here are all the illustrations and the story I wrote inspired by Edward Gorey, Daphne du Maurier and Tatiana de Rosnay. Please see my previous post for the explanation! #bookart #bookstagram #handmadebooks #illustration #edwardgorey
A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Jan 30, 2018 at 1:43pm PST
Another of the books I made this year was a book in a box for the theme Listen. I chose to bind a book of Kate Bush’s Fifty Words For Snow from her song and album of the same name.
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This is my contribution to the August #AreYouBookEnough bookbinding challenge, #listen . I love to listen to music, and Kate Bush is one of my favourites. Why choose Fifty Words For Snow when I could choose any of her songs? Why does it fit the theme best? The song is a list. It's Stephen Fry reciting fifty words for snow – some made up by Kate Bush, some real. She wanted him to be the narrator because people believe the words he says, he is intelligent and speaks with a quiet authority. Hearing him speak her fictional words for snow makes them sound real. Snow itself deadens sound but has sounds of its own; one of the words is "creaky-creaky." I hope whoever looks at my book can hear the snow behind the words. This is the first time I've made this kind of box, and my measurements are a bit off (the lid is loose!) but overall I'm pleased and know what to do better next time! The paper is very fibrous, I wanted something that looked and felt like snow. Both the front cover of the book and the lid of the box are padded. The ink I used to write the fifty words is a mixture of two different inks – white calligraphy ink and a Grey Plum Kwiz ink. I'm going to have to find a way to photograph it properly because it is almost pearlescent! If you hold the paper a certain way it disappears. Hold it to the light and it looks like it is glowing. I'll try and get some video footage of it. #AreYouBookEnough #bookart #handmade #katebush #fiftywordsforsnow #50wordsforsnow #listen #books #snow #music
A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Aug 30, 2018 at 12:36am PDT
I will leave you with a picture of the new bookcase. I hope you have an excellent 2019!
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Got a new phone. The cats ran away so I took a picture of one of the bookcases. It's so shiny
A post shared by Adelle Hay (@chiefbuttons) on Dec 6, 2018 at 1:28pm PST
Books I read in 2018 Happy New Year! Books are the Best! In 2018 I went to Japan, filled some bookshelves, and read more than the usual amount of literary biographies.
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Chapter Eleven: See The Light
Chapter Log!
After some time, Michelle and I managed to let our sobs subside and detangled ourselves from the other's arms. But Michelle was quick to slap her hands to my cheeks, her eyes running over what was left to see of my now squished face. Investigating it closely. So close, I could have sworn to you she'd been counting every pore and freckle on the skin. "Well look at you," She smiled widely, slowly lightening her grip and letting my face start to reshape, "I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays!" I smiled back at her, laughing softly as I searched all the new records in my brain to remember I in fact hadn't seen her since winter break. "I'd been wondering how long I'd have to wait for you to find your way back here." Her hands finally dropped and she took a step back, her smile never budging an inch. "Well here I am!"
"There you are..." She breathed, suddenly pulling me into yet another tight hug. Huffing a hefty sigh as she did and burrowed her small head into my shoulder. "Lord only knows how happy I am that you're back." Smiling still, I returned her hug knowing exactly what she'd meant by that. And we stood there like that for a moment in a tearless embrace. Michelle thanking God I'd somehow remembered her. And me just basking in the same thing. Feeling more than grateful that somehow, someway I now had someone I truly knew to talk about everything to. Someone I remembered to help me navigate all that I didn't just a little bit better. That hug didn't last nearly as long as the last, and soon she was pulling us apart and taking a hold of my hand. "C'mon, I have something I've been waiting to give you!" She excitedly explained. Damn nearly pulling my arm clean out of its socket as she all but ran to the back of the shop. I'd always thought I was short in comparison to my father and Alex, and well everyone else in my other memories. But even at my short stature, I still had her beat by an inch or so. But that sure as Hell didn’t stop her from pumping those stumpy legs. Like she was Usain Bolt and the door she swiftly pulled us up to was the finish line in the Olympics'100-meter relay. The sign on the door read 'Authorized Personnel ONLY', and I guess that Michelle fell under that category now as she pushed it open with ease and uncovered the strangest yet most perfect little break room I'd ever seen. Once she'd dropped her death grip on my now probably broken hand, I followed in after her slowly and took in the room in its entirety. There was a small, paint smeared and wood chipped table off to the side, a single chair pulled up to it. It was pretty much empty spare a few napkins, a large, gaudy, borderline out of date boom box, and a small microwave. Diagonal from it in the corner were two oversized bean bag chairs that looked like they'd been used as punching bags for Rocky at some point or another. But by far the most impressive part of that oversized storage closet were its walls. Every inch covered from floor to ceiling and wall to wall in a wide range of posters, photographs, and record casings. There were band posters, album art, and torn off covers of Rolling Stone magazines. There were photos of Micah and Michelle at varying ages plastered everywhere. Photos of bands that had rolled through town, or those surrounding. Even photos of the Michelle and I, and the guys. Some were normal, and some were of Jack, Alex, Zack, and a third boy I assumed to be Rian playing all together. A full-blown band. I wandered around the room with wide eyes all while Michelle fumbled around in search for something. Taking the moment to soak it all in, even spotting a small polaroid photo of me. I was smiling widely, clearly laughing whilst holding a crumpled piece of paper that read 'EmpLoyEE of the mONth' in purple crayon. And I laughed softly, remembering Michelle doing that on the one-month anniversary of me working at that very store with her our Junior year in high school. "There you are, you little fucker." Michelle groveled under her breath making me laugh. I turned around to see her just barely miss smashing her head on the table's edge as she rose to her feet, tiny blue plastic bag in hand. "Only took a million and a half years to find it!" I furrowed my brow, propped myself up against a wall and watched. Giggling quietly at my friend as she tore the bag away its confines and was quick to rip the plastic film off a brand-new CD. "What are you doing?" I finally asked in an overly amused voice as she haphazardly tossed the scraps over her shoulder and popped the freed disc into the boombox. "Just being the coolest friend ever." She mocked me, turning around with a roll of her eyes and tossing the now empty CD case through the air. "Consider it a belated birthday gift, or very belated depending on which birthday you celebrated this year." I let out a bellowing laugh once I'd managed to catch it, only fumbling it in my fingers for a second. A questioning, yet still amused look in my eyes as I turned the disk over and tore my eyes from Michelle's to look down. My baby blues instantly tripled in size at the sight of what I was now holding in my hands. The black faded halo, the burnt orange bricks, the black, white and yellow spray-painted art. All physical attributes used to describe Green Day's, 21st Century Breakdown. My eyes were the size of moons when I looked back to her. My jaw slack, but my smile wide. "I've been waiting for this since they announced recording it in October!" I practically squealed. And she matched my excitement perfectly. "How do you have this?" I questioned, running the few feet over to her, "I don't even remember this being released!" I could see a flash of something in her eyes when I'd said that. But she quickly covered it up with a casual smirk and shrug. "We got right on the order and stalked up the second it came out, I've been holding onto this copy for about a week now for you." "Oh my God, thank you!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around her neck in the tightest hug I could muster. "Alright, alright I know," She coughed, pushing me off, or at least attempting to. "I'm the greatest best friend in all of existence but get off me so I can play it!" "Say less!" I huffed, pulling myself off her in an instant and allowing her to turn around and press play. As the first track began to spin, I returned to my place by the wall, leaning into it and scanning the back of the CD case. Taking in each and every one of the eighteen song titles. And Michelle pressed herself up onto the break table, swinging her legs ever so slightly as she watched me. For a while we just sat in silence listening to the music and taking it in. But it was hard for me to ignore the way her eyes were burning two little holes in my skull once I'd finished listing the tracks in my head. I knew she must have had a million and one questions, there was something about the way she'd been looking at me before. So shocked, and yet so happy. She must have been just as surprised as I'd been at the fact that I so quickly remembered who she was. And I'm certain she had a laundry list of things she wanted to ask me. About the incident, about what I'd remembered so far, probably even what I'd specifically remembered about her. But if I'm to be honest, it was nice for once to not have to think so hard about what had been going on in my life the past two weeks. Just being able to sit in a room with someone I knew everything about was all I ever wanted and felt just as good as I'd hoped. That is sparing the small hints of guilt I'd begun to feel about not remembering anyone else. But I didn’t want to talk quite yet. So, I held off, never meeting her stare and instead began to wander aimlessly around the room in circles, taking in everything that was stuck to the walls. Feeling memories tug at my mind just out of reach when I saw certain things. Letting my hands graze the scattered collection of posters and photographs, I stopped at one that caught my eye. Leaning in to get a closer look with squinted eyes. The poor-quality photo captured an image of Alex that had something tugging just a bit harder than before in the back of my brain. Standing in a dark room with broken ceiling panels. He had a pink electric guitar slung over his shoulder and a white bandana wrapped around his visibly sweat slicked hair. Even through the grain I could easily see the expression on his face as he hung his jaw wide and was singing into a microphone, thick vein bulging down the length of his neck clear as day. They were probably playing some form of a show. Zack could be seen ever so slightly behind him, the only thing keeping the shorter boy from fading into the darkness of the photograph was the bright red t-shirt stuck to his chest. "How much do you remember of him?" Michelle suddenly asked from behind me when she noticed me staring. Careful tone to her words. "Not as much as I'd like to." I admitted, dropping my hand and head in synchronization before turning around to see her staring up at me. A somber look to her pressed smile. "He's been keeping us all in the loop, you know." She told me, still swinging her legs. Eyes never leaving me as I made my way over and flopped down into one of the worn bean bag chairs. "Ever since you'd shown up at his house." "All good things, I hope?" I inquired. She nodded and I did too, biting down gently on my lip. "He said you're doing a lot better the past few days, that you remember more than you think." "I doubt that!" I scoffed, shaking my head and letting my eyes fall to my swaying knees. "Don't doubt Alex." She practically warned me, though with a playful twang. "He's known you better than you've known yourself since ninth grade. It's just a much easier competition for him in the time being." "Well, that's one wat to put it." I laughed half-heartedly. But only for a moment before a frown formed between my cheeks. "It kills me you know, not remembering any of them. Not remembering my dad, or my best friends." "Well you seem to remember me just fine!" She pointed out. Clearly searching under rocks for a silver lining to show me. Only finding rattle snakes hidden away. "Yeah, well you're actually the only person I really remember." I bitterly admitted. "And even that is a new discovery." "Oh, boo who!" She whined, and my attention instantly snapped up in time to see her rolling her big doll eyes at me. "Dee, do me a solid and tell the negative committee that meets in your brain to sit down and shut the Hell up!" "Excuse me?" I practically choked on my shocked excuse for a laugh. "You heard me." She said, narrowing her eyes. "This whole negative nelly, woe is me crap isn't you! You were bright and bubbly ten minutes ago until I asked about your progress. Look on the bright side!" I couldn’t even begin to help the way my eyes rolled at that. "Where is the bright side to forgetting your entire life." "How about getting a chance to remember it again." She said. And I looked to her again at the sound of her hardened words, only to see a cold glare looking right back at me. Things seeming to make a fast and drastic turn in a whole new direction. "Look Dee, something terrible happened to you. Probably the worst thing that can happen to a person. But in the bigger picture of things you got lucky!" "How?" I genuinely asked now, not as sarcastic as before. More curious per say as to where she was going with all this. She sighed and shook her head. "You were in a car full of people that played chicken with a tree and lost miserably. Not a single one of you walked away with just bumps and bruises. So, all things considered, if I were you, I'd start to just be grateful you walked away at all instead of focusing on smaller things." "I am grateful!" I quickly defended. "I know you are deep down..." She said, "But you're letting your memory cloud that. You're so focused on the fact that you can't remember that you're forgetting to count the biggest blessing of being able to remember anything at all." I bit my lip and looked away from her for a moment. My hand subconsciously running its way up to the back of my head where a line of small scabbed staples sat hidden beneath my hair. One of the last remaining bits of physical evidence. All that time at home I’d been trying my hardest to remember my life and think as little as possible about how I’d lost the ability to do so. I didn’t remember the crash. All I knew about it was what I'd seen on the news before the nurses would turn it off. And the few conclusions I'd drawn from the doctors questioning me. The biggest thing I had been blocking from my thoughts, now with Michelle's words in my head seemed like the biggest thing I should have been focusing on all along. That not everyone survived that night. And I was one of the four lucky ones who did. "Your memory will come back to you." Michelle whispered, pulling me from my thoughts. "And we are all going to be here until you do, helping where we can." I looked up to see her slowly sliding off the table she'd been sat on our whole exchange. Letting me nod before she grabbed me by the arm and pulled me up into another tight hug. "You know I would never be hard on you unless you really needed a kick in the pants." She muttered as I wrapped my arms around her and took a deep breath. "But Dee, you just have to remember, you are here, you are alive, and you are slowly remembering things." "Thank you." I whispered, holding her closer. "I love you Tweedle Dee, you stupid stubborn bitch." She laughed, "Just, stop being so hard on yourself." "I love you too JuJuBee." I whispered back to her, closing my eyes to conceal the tears that were slowly beginning to form. "I'll try my hardest to remember that."
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To Future Women: Georgia Saxelby
Photo: Kate Warren
Georgia Saxelby is a Sydney-born, US-based installation artist and is currently an Artist-in-Residence at the art and social change incubator Halcyon Arts Lab in Washington, DC. Her interdisciplinary practice explores ritual and sacred space and their role in re-imagining and re-forming our cultural identities and value systems. Saxelby creates installations that are rooted in participatory and feminist practices and traverse sculpture, performance and architecture. While in Washington, DC, Saxelby is also a Visiting Scholar at the Sacred Space Concentration of the School of Architecture at Catholic University of America. In 2016-17, Saxelby worked with the renowned architecture studio Diller Scofidio + Renfro, and was awarded three prominent artist grants to undertake a series of international sacred space mentorships and residencies. Saxelby was chosen to speak at the ninth International Architecture, Culture and Spirituality Symposium in 2017 on her practice.
georgiasaxelby.com
Why did you decide to embark on this project?
My art practice plays at the intersection of art, architecture and performance and is primarily concerned with investigating the role and importance of ritual behaviour. I’m interested in the way we perform and embody our cultural value systems through ritual gestures, as well as the material and visual cultures that result from our collective symbolic activities. This project developed out of a particular line of questioning: in what ways can ritual become a powerful and unique vehicle for social change? What are women-driven methods of passing down cultural knowledge and skills? How can I, as an artist, contribute to a new kind of cultural heritage for tomorrow?
A central tenet of my practice is the acknowledgement that what we mark as special and significant reveals and defines who we are. Knowing that I would be in Washington, DC for the one year anniversary of the Women’s March, I wanted to create a work that would mark this occasion as significant. I wanted to do this through the platform of art because I’m interested in transforming artistic contexts into meaningful sites of symbolic action—platforms for rituals to take place that can ripple out to affect how we think and feel in our everyday lives.
History has a tendency of forgetting the contributions of women, and I wanted to make sure our stories were told by us—by anyone that has been impacted by the Women’s March and #MeToo movements or by anyone who wants to take part in this conversation. I wanted to re-activate cultural institutions and spaces that were used during the Women’s March, and invite them to play a role in guarding our stories for us.
One intention of this artwork was to shift the focus of the conversation for a moment on who we want to become as a culture in regards to our relationship to women. I think imagining futures is a very powerful exercise. By asking you what you want to say to future women, and what changes you would like to have taken place for the woman reading your letter, you must envision and articulate what that change actually looks like for you. Only then can we start to reverse engineer those possibilities and understand our role now in taking continuous steps towards making them a reality.
Photo: Kate Warren
Your work often engages with women's issues and feminism. Where does this interest stem from?
I’ve always had an urge to support women’s agency, self-determination and self-representation.
Through research, constant reflection and conversation, as well as Art Theory and Cultural Studies at university, I learned to better see the cultural structures at play which work to disempower or exclude women from decision-making at every level, and one cannot go back to unseeing. As a young woman brought up to see the world as my oyster, and then growing to observe and understand the limits the world would in fact place on me because I am a woman, I have a vested interest in transforming the way women are represented, perceived by others and by themselves. Women have been persistently represented as passive objects rather than transformative subjects in our culture and history. I am trying to exercise my own ability to transform my environment, as well as contribute to women being understood and treated as connected, active and unstoppable agents of change.
Have you written a letter yourself? Are you able to share some of what you wrote?
As the orchestrator of the experience, I’m always conscious of my involvement becoming didactic for others so tend to see my role as first and foremost holding space for other people’s engagement until the last moment or a private moment at the end of the piece. So, I will be writing my letter in July before the Washington archive is sealed and becomes a time capsule.
It must be surreal knowing that women - some of whom aren't even born yet - will be reading these letters in twenty years time. What do you hope that these women will gain from this?
I hope that in reading our letters future women may be able to understand not just the significant events occurring at this time but our feelings and internal thought processes in reaction to them. I hope our archive reveals the intimacies of history. Change comes slowly and is not a given or a linear progression. I hope these women will understand how desperately we want things to be different for them, and are reaping some of the rewards of the vows we have made to make that a reality for them.
Right now it feels more possible than ever to speak loudly about gender issues in mainstream platforms, but it hasn’t always been like that and it might not be again. So to capture our sentiments now, when we feel able to speak more openly, is important. I want the generation of women that will come after us to know that we were thinking of them, so that they may never doubt their place and role in this world.
Photo: Kate Warren
Why did you decide to do this via traditional letter writing and not a digital format?
There’s a specialness to letter writing. I wanted to elevate the experience of writing to future women to have a ritual significance, so that people took the time to unravel their thoughts and understand their reflections. I wanted to provide a platform of expression that was long-form, slow, in contrast to the abridged immediacy and crispness of social media in a digital information age.
The materiality of pen or pencil to paper, the rhythmic flow of capturing thoughts as we write—sometimes things come out of our pens that we didn’t even know we felt. There’s a privacy to the experience of writing a letter and a logic to the way someone approaches the page—they draw, underline or write larger or harder to emphasise a point. And there’s something so intimate about seeing someone else’s handwriting. There’s so much personality to it—you feel like you get a glimpse into someone.
Letters are so personal. They are messages sent from one person to another about a common concern. They are cross-cultural and ancient forms of communication, and they have a tradition of revealing alternative and intimate perspectives in history.
In 20 years time the screen will play an even larger role in our lives and cultural landscape, it will affect the way we process and understand the world, as it is already beginning to do. Museums, too, will play a different role. I think it will be so interesting in 2037 to experience these letters as physical artifacts, like relics.
The work champions the power of generational storytelling. Do you think that Western society has in some ways lost its methods of generational storytelling? i.e. indigenous cultures often use storytelling as a way to instil moral values, but this seems to be lacking in western culture.
Absolutely. I was recently reflecting on how as I grow older—or maybe because of everything that’s been happening—I feel increasingly drawn to seeking out and listening to the stories of older women. There have been times I was at The Phillips Collection checking on the installation and would wind up in conversations with visitors who would talk to me about their reaction to the piece or their experience of the Women’s March. I was lucky enough to have some incredibly personal conversations with older women who had so much wisdom to share, who have been through what I’m going through as a young woman contending with my culture.
The letters I’ve read from older women, and men, passing on advice, connecting their experiences from marches and movements in the 60s and 70s to what’s currently occurring, revealing what their hopes were then and analysing what has comes to pass, has been so touching, powerful and informative.
Certainly I think oral histories and intergenerational exchange are woefully undervalued in Western contemporary culture. Stories are intimate histories performed and relived. The act of sharing generational stories is crucial to processing and understanding where we’ve been, in order to know where we’re going.
Do you think that part of the value of the project is the cathartic process of actually writing the letter and what that means for each person? How so?
Yes of course. Seeing people in deep concentration as they’re writing their letters, in some cases being lucky enough to listen to them talk to me about everything it brought up for them afterwards, it can be an emotional and sometimes confronting process. The act of self-expression is powerful. The #MeToo movement, and the Women’s March, allowed for the expression of things previously inexpressible in a public setting with the knowledge that your expression would be supported and backed. This is the same thing - people know they can write freely in this setting, that its a safe space, that their letter - and therefore their act of expression, their point of view - will be respected and cared for for a very long time.
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Q&A with Ruth Padel
M: What inspired you to undertake this project, and how did you come to settle on an arc and shape?
R: Inspired isn’t quite the word. It snuck up on me. Seven or eight years ago I was commissioned to write poems to read between movements of Haydn’s Seven Last Words string quartet. I loved doing that, I grew up playing in string quartets myself - on viola, Beethoven’s own instrument – and the crucifixion sequence I wrote became the heart of my 2014 collection Learning to Make an Oud in Nazareth. I performed that sequence later with the Endellion String Quartet and we clicked, we did others, I wrote poems for a Beethoven concert they did, to read between an early and a late string quartet. I focussed on the twenty years of Beethoven’s life between writing the early and the late and it went great in performances, audiences said the poems really deepened their experience of the music, which was wonderful, and a great, very unexpected compliment.
But I knew the poems weren’t finished and kept them on the back burner while I wrote two other collections. Writing those, one a poetry narrative called Tidings, the other lyrics on my mother’s death but recalling her life, fuelled me to tackle the story of Beethoven’s life.
I began by visiting his birthplace in Bonn where I realised his 250th anniversary fell in 2020. My editor thought we should publish it then, so I had a deadline, and wrote the book in 2019, on a sabbatical (from King’s College London, where I teach) in New York, with a month at Yaddo. It helps to put a perspective distance of some kind between the experience and the writing of the poem.
In Yaddo, I re-worked the original poems completely, responding to his life but also his evolving work, in four sequences like the four movements of a traditional quartet. I whittled these down to twelve poems in each section, thinking of the architecture of a quartet but also inspired by something my editor said, that his legacy mattered too. I decided to use myself, and my own quartet-playing, as an example of someone influenced by Beethoven, lifelong, by playing him. So I threaded through the poems glints of my own musical life, and added an introductory poem, ‘Listen’ (the thing Beethoven became unable to do but which is absolutely crucial in playing together) about the way my parents met, through playing music.
The structuring principle became four. The four voices in a quartet, the four traditional movements of a string quartet. I followed the poems with a prose coda of Life Notes. I wrote them at first just to underpin the poems, historically, but they mutated into a prose sequence on their own, a narrative which does function as indirect commentary or supplement to the poems, but is also a standalone mini-bio.
M: That is all quite fascinating. Can you talk a bit about the research behind these poems? Did you read about Beethoven's life and write at the same time?
R: I did a lot of reading! Amazing, when you consider how long ago it was and how much is written about him, and by him. Sketch-books, journals, conversation books. But I did field research first. I drew on memories of playing string quartets across Europe myself, especially in Prague, where he had his mysterious fateful tryst with his ‘Immortal Beloved’, but I wanted to get into his life, right from the beginning, through the intensities of place, and the material things by which poems live.
Growing up on a street which dead-ended at the River Rhine, he used to gaze through a telescope from the attic at the river and the Seven Hills beyond. He was fascinated by the largest, the Drachenfels, which he eventually climbed. So I crossed the Rhine and climbed that too. Then I followed him to Vienna. He went there as Austrian armies were mustering to fight Napoleon and the Europe he’d grown up with was changing very violently.
So was mine, it was the year before Brexit, with right-wing factions, primed against immigration, growing in Austria, Poland, Hungary. The dark rifted history of that glittering imperial city, ancient heart of Europe, gets into the poems everywhere. I also went to Silesia, to the castle where he had a row with his great patron Prince Lichnowsky.
So when I finally sat down to write the poems, concentratedly, in snowy Yaddo and then in a tiny loft carved out from Ad Reinhardt’s old studio on Broadway opposite NYU, I had all that experience of place salted down and singing in my veins. At night I re-read the biographies, diaries, letters, and listened to music, especially things I didn’t know before, like the trombone quartets.
M: I'm always curious about this with book-length projects--did you find yourself occasionally writing poems on other subjects that did not fit the sequence? If so, did those poems get pushed back to a future collection?
R: Never a whole poem, I felt I didn’t have time, there was an urgency, everything driving to an end-point, like sharpening a pencil. But there were poems that didn’t make it into the collection.
M: Are there any other books or works of art--aside from Beethoven's--with which you feel your book is in conversation?
R: It is very focussed on the music. I include a chronological list of relevant works at the back so people can check where a piece they love came from in his life. But above all I tried to be in conversation, if that’s the right word, with his personality. I wanted to get across the vivid counterpoint between his cut-offness (he was ruthlessly focussed on creating), his suffering, impatience, rows with everyone and devastated disappointments and deafness, but above all his warmth! His liveliness, love of conviviality and jokes.
He also loved poetry, especially Schiller, he had wanted since he was a teenager to set the Ode to Joy which he finally set in his Ninth Symphony at the end of his life. He was very excited to meet Goethe, too. And at the darkest point in his life, in his forties, after giving up love, ending it with the Immortal Beloved, he read a translation of the Sanskrit playwright Kalidasa which I knew through an Indian friend, a poet who is also a Sanskritist. So one poem quotes a little of that. A painting gets in too, a portrait of his grandfather, whom he adored and idealised, who died when he was three. He kept that painting with him everywhere he lived, while he kept changing the apartments he rented in Vienna.
But I guess the other main art my poems respond to is architecture. All that glamour, the gilt, creamy space and carved stone curlicues in the great palaces of Vienna and Prague, the country castles of rich nobles who commissioned, for example, the Fifth Symphony, or most of the string quartets. Musicians rehearsed and played in those spaces, then went back to their own poor dark homes. A lot of that wealth came from mines of Silesia. A whole hidden history of social injustice, exploitation, the inequality Beethoven railed against all his life - he yearned and burned for humanity to be free of it - is built into the beautiful architecture he walked through every day, and the very fabric of those wonderful cities.
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The Day Of The Doctor - Doctor Who blog
(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)
50 years, huh? Extraordinary.
Going into The Day Of The Doctor, I was already lowering my expectations. Not just because Steven Moffat was writing it, but also because multi-Doctor anniversary specials are generally never very good. Once you get past the novelty of Doctors meeting each other, you quickly realise that the stories are often weaker than a nun’s piss. While The Day Of The Doctor does fare slightly better than previous multi-Doctor stories, there are still a ton of problems with it.
Let’s start with the Doctors themselves. I was a little bit cross that there were no classic Doctors coming back (and no, the Curator doesn’t count). I wouldn’t have minded except apparently Moffat never even asked any of them. Some fans have given the excuse that you can’t use the original actors because they’re not as young as they were, which caused me to scoff and roll my eyes. Patrick Troughton and Jon Pertwee were both considerably older when they returned to play their respective Doctors in The Five Doctors over a decade after they left the role, but nobody batted an eyelid. It was just really cool to see them again. There’s no reason why you couldn’t have brought the classic Doctors back. Okay Tom Baker and Colin Baker have both put on a considerable amount of weight since the 70s and 80s, and neither Peter Davison nor Sylvester McCoy are as young and spry as they used to be, but once they’ve got the costumes on, nobody’s going to care about that. Ever heard of suspension of disbelief?
So the Doctors we end up getting are Eleven, Ten and Eight And A Half, aka the War Doctor. (The Ninth Doctor was originally intended to appear, but Christopher Eccleston turned it down, hence the creation of an all new Doctor. Why Moffat couldn’t have just used Paul McGann, I don’t know). It’s about what you’d expect. Three Doctors coming together and criticising each other’s attitudes and tastes in clothing, and admittedly it’s fun for about five minutes before you start getting bored and want Moffat to get the fuck on with it. I think I’ve mentioned numerous times now how annoying I find Matt Smith to be, so i don’t think I’d need comment on that further. While I don’t like Ten as much as everyone else does, it is good to see David Tennant again after all this time. It’s like he’s never been away. He’s got that same boundless energy and enthusiasm that you can’t help but find endearing. This story does however play at odds with where Ten is in his story. Remember for Ten this takes place between The Waters Of Mars and The End Of Time Part 1, where Ten is running from his own impeding death. Surely seeing his future self would affect him somewhat, right? Perhaps that was what all that ‘some new man goes sauntering away’ stuff in The End Of Time with Wilf was about.
As for the War Doctor... I must confess I’m slightly torn. I’ve mentioned before how I really don’t like the idea of a War Doctor that Eleven can conveniently blame so that he can stay as the pure saint with the unsullied past because it just simplifies the character to an insulting degree. And it’s funny because if you stop to think about it, outside of the big decision he has to make with the Moment, the War Doctor doesn’t actually have a character. We never really learn anything significant about him or what really differentiates him from his other incarnations. And yet I can’t help but find myself really liking the War Doctor. And I think that’s for two reasons. One is because of the late, great John Hurt. He gives an extremely good performance and he’s the one that keeps you engrossed in the character even when the writing doesn’t. And the second is that... Look, I have quite a few issues with New Who, and one of them is the more manic interpretations of the Doctor. And yes I know the Doctor has always been an eccentric, but it feels as though New Who have been pushing it to its absolute limit and beyond, to the point where we’ve now got Matt Smith’s Doctor who is just the most obnoxious character I’ve ever come across (in fact there’s a scene where the War Doctor pretty much sums up all my problems with Eleven by asking him “why are you so ashamed of being a grownup?”). And I recognise this is more of a personal taste issue. If you like that kind of manic Doctor, more power to you. I honestly don’t mind it in small doses. The thing is I grew up with the classic series (I used to watch them on old VHS tapes when I was a kid) and while I recognise the War Doctor isn’t very well written and that the reasons for his inclusion are incredibly stupid, I can’t help but instinctively be drawn to that kind of witty, reserved Doctor who can be a bit serious at times, but his hearts are always in the right place. That kind of Doctor just resonates with me more somehow and it’s a kind of Doctor that I really wish we could see more of in New Who.
Plot-wise, it’s all a bit so-so. Let’s start with the B story. Out of all the monsters Moffat could have picked to bring back for the 50th anniversary, why in God’s name did he pick the Zygons? I know classic series fans really like the Zygons, but for the life of me I can’t see why. They’ve only ever appeared in one story, Terror Of The Zygons, which, lets be honest, wasn’t really very good. Yes I know David Tennant loves the Zygons and I’m sure he was pleased as punch to get to work with them, but for the 50th anniversary? Are you fucking joking?
For the benefit of @captainivyb and others who are unfamiliar with the classic series, here is what the original Zygons looked like:
And now here are the new and improved Zygons:
It’s funny, isn’t it? State of the art special effects and a slightly bigger budget, and yet somehow the new Zygons look just as shit as they did back in 1975. I’m going to choose to believe that these new Zygons look deliberately shit so that they could pay tribute to the rubber latex monsters of Who’s past because if I have to accept the possibility that the New Who team honestly thought these new designs were good, I may have to sit in the corner and have a little cry.
I do like the idea of the Zygons hiding inside paintings. Wouldn’t it have been cool if maybe the Doctors went inside the paintings and had a bit of a gander? But no. Instead we get the really bizarre twist that the Zygons, a race of shapeshifting aliens, destroyed a bunch of statues and ground them into dust so they could hide underneath large sheets when UNIT arrives. Yeah, it’s a bit hard to be scared of monsters that have the same mindset as a child who think they’re invisible just by covering their eyes.
And why are the Zygons inside the paintings? Because they want to invade the Earth. Why they don’t just invade medieval Earth, I don’t know. Surely that would be easier than invading present day Earth. Less guns and nuclear bombs for one thing. Elizabeth the First (or at least a version of her that has been Pompadoured into the sassy, flirty woman that exists in all of Moffat’s stories) says that the Zygons are used to a certain level of comfort, but that’s bollocks, isn’t it? What could the super advanced Zygons with their biotechnology possibly want from present day Earth? It can’t be the Black Archive. How would they even know it exists before taking Kate Stewart’s memories? Do they want to borrow our Wi-Fi or something?
Cut to present day Earth and there is a genuinely good moment where Kate stands toe to toe with the Zygons and threatens to destroy the whole of London to prevent them from using the Black Archive. Jenna Redgrave gives a great performance here, channelling the Brigadier very effectively. It’s such a shame Moffat doesn’t do more with her character. (You may have noticed I haven’t mentioned Osgood yet... Well spotted). Then the Doctors show up to chastise Kate for her actions, using their own experience in the Time War to explain why before using the memory eraser thingy to make everyone forget whether they’re human or Zygon, forcing both sides to form a peace treaty. Yeah, because evil aliens hellbent on taking over the world are bound to stick to that once they get their memories back. (Also there’s a major continuity blunder here. Earlier we see a Zygon attack Osgood and assume her form, stealing her asthma pump. Osgood manages to escape and steal the asthma pump back. But at the end, Zygon-Osgood gives the asthma pump back. Huh?).
All of this is meant to cack-handidly tie into the Time War storyline and the Moment, which admittedly is slightly better. But first... is that it? Is that the Time War? Remember all the references that were made in the RTD era? The Jaws of the Nightmare Child. The Could Have Been King and his Army of Never Weres. People trapped in time loops, forced to relive their own deaths over and over again for all eternity. What do we end up getting? Some spaceships, a few lasers and explosions, and some screaming civilians. The Last Great Time War. The war to end all wars... and this is the best they could come up with? Sigh. I guess some things are best left to the imagination.
Also I could have done without Rose. Well... except she’s not Rose. She’s the Bad Wolf. Well... except she’s not the Bad Wolf neither. She’s the same Moffat female we’ve seen millions of times before (Has Moffat only ever met one woman is his life? That’s the only explanation I can think of for why all his female characters sound and behave the fucking same). Billie Piper does an okay job with the material she’s been given, but really, you could have picked anyone to play the Moment. Billie Piper is really only there for fanservice. (Moffat reportedly did not want to bring the Rose character back because he felt her story was wrapped up and he didn’t want to add anything to RTD’s arc. I want you to remember this people. It’ll become relevant later on).
The Day Of The Doctor is really about the redemption of the War Doctor. Him standing at the brink, prepared to make a terrible choice and is shown the consequences of his choice, whilst his future selves learn to accept and finally come to terms with the horrible decision they made. This aspect at least is done reasonably well. I liked the scene with the sonic screwdrivers and the ‘same software, different case’ metaphor. And by far the most powerful scene is when Ten and Eleven arrive to help the War Doctor push the button. It was incredibly moving and actually made me really emotional because it shows the Doctor at his core. It’s something I’ve been saying for years. He’s not a soldier or a hero or a warrior. He’s just some guy. To make the decision to destroy his own species in order to save the rest of the universe would be incredibly traumatising even for a trained soldier. For a simple traveller like the Doctor, it’s practically unbearable. So to soften the blow by allowing his future selves to come along and help him press the button so he doesn’t have to suffer alone is extremely touching. Plus the War Doctor is now reassured by the fact his future selves will do everything in their power to make things right and not allow others to make the same terrible choice.
...
How does Moffat fuck it up?
Oh yeah. You knew it was going to happen. Moffat is so insecure and so determined to trick his audience that he’s prepared to butcher perfectly decent stories in order to shove in some bullshit twist. And this is no exception. Rather than allow The Day of The Doctor to end on a sombre, but powerful note, Moffat decides to do the unthinkable and takes a great big shit all over it. Thanks to an intervention from Clara (ugh), the Doctor changes his mind and decides to use a stasis cube to trap Gallifrey inside a pocket universe, causing the Daleks to destroy themselves in their own crossfire, saving the Time Lords and everyone gets a happy little ending. Now look, I’m not necessarily angry that the Time Lords have been brought back from the dead. I’ve suspected the whole last of the Time Lords thing wasn’t going to be permanent since way back in 2005. What I am angry about is the insulting way in which Moffat does it. Remember when Moffat said he didn’t want to add to RTD’s arc? Well he seems more than happy to undo it completely just because it doesn’t fit with his vision of who the Doctor is. A vision that is utterly warped. Moffat has deluded himself into thinking the Doctor is this all powerful saint that can do no wrong and would never dream of doing something like destroy his own race, even though the show itself completely contradicts that. The Doctor has made morally dubious choices before. The Doctor has resorted to violence before. Okay he’ll always try to find a diplomatic and peaceful solution when he can, but when push comes to shove, he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. The Time War is just the most extreme example of that. Yes it’s a horrible choice, but what’s the alternative? Letting the whole of time and space burn? As Eleven himself said, it wasn’t possible to get it right. And the psychological ripple effects of this choice makes the Doctor a far more interesting character. By erasing all of this, all of that complexity and character development as a result goes with it. Moffat tries to cover himself by saying that none of the past Doctors will remember this because of Moffat logic, but that just makes it worse because now Nine and Ten are suffering from PTSD and psychological trauma for no reason.
What The Day Of The Doctor proves without a shadow of a doubt is that Steven Moffat doesn’t in any way understand the show he claims to be a fan of. And if you need further proof of that, in the final monologue where we see Matt Smith standing in front of a really bad photoshopped ensemble of previous Doctors, the Doctor talks about how he dreams about going home. That has got to be the most unDoctorly thing I’ve ever heard.
War Doctor: “If I grow to be half the man that you are, Clara Oswald, I shall be happy indeed.”
Oh go fuck yourself Moffat!
#the day of the doctor#steven moffat#doctor who#eleventh doctor#matt smith#tenth doctor#david tennant#war doctor#john hurt#clara oswald#jenna coleman#daleks#zygons#time lords#bbc#review#spoilers
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