#NEW FOUR SONGS RELEASED TODAY FOR ME TO BE INSANE ABOUT

[changelingbaby]

big news everyone i can’t die until october 25th

[linolinoing]

[ hey, you dont have to post this, i just wanted to say smth in response to some other asks ive seen you get. im just saying things in a monotone btw pls dont read this with any sort of extreme tone /gen. ]

all of them are older than me, and i am an established adult. they know the real world. i see not a single reason you should expect them not to.

chan is just as online as your average stay. felix is all over tiktok. students in a south korean university are demonstrating so noticeably news of it have reached people all over the world. and they are in south korea. they would have heard of everything by now.

chan has a habit of doing things jyp doesn‘t want him to do if he wants to do them bad enough.

i dont think anybody forced them to do this collab.

i dont think they secretly hated it. theyve mentioned wanting to collab with this guy before multiple times; i remember at least two.

3racha and skz have brought insane success to jype with all four of their most recent comebacks. jyp has his flaws, but i don‘t think hes an unapproachable tyrant. other jype artists have talked abt negotiating things with him pretty easily.

i personally dont believe they tried to object to anything theyve recently done, cc or this. i wish people would stop acting as if theyre literal slaves. theyre in a good position in the company and the industry at large.

if they truly wanted to object, i believe they would have.

hard is just something this sort of thing is. no matter who, what, or where you are.

[ all of our takes are more or less speculation, this is just my two cents. i would be happy if you would share them, but do with them what you will, its your blog. have a good day ]

About your second message - don't worry it didn't come of that way at all and please don't feel stupid for voicing your opinion!

I definitely don't think they were against any of the collabs they did, but unfortunatly there's still a lot of people who live in their own bubble and don't check the world news, so I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't know what companies are being boycotted.

Most kpop idols stay silent about pretty much all social and political topics, most can't even say outright what their own beliefs are. However there are idols who do speak up - Fatou from balckswan, BM from kard, Suho from EXO to name a few that I can think of. Can it potentially cause consequences for them? Yes. And they still did it. Until a few days ago people weren't event asking kpop idols to speak up, mostly fans were asking companies to divest from working with zionists.

It's pretty obvious 3racha like puths music and were happy to collaborate with him and judging by how many stays didn't know anything about what puth had said in the past, I don't think 3racha knew either. BUT there's is no way they don't know now. When skz were on stationhead today a lot of stays commented about Palestine and the boycott, even tho comments were going really fast, it was very noticeable. Will they stop all the promotions? No. Will jype release a statement? No. They're just going to keep on promoting this collab, remixes will be realesed soon, they're sending this song on radio and performing it on 15th, and that's only what we know of. I kinda feel like even after the promo period they will still perform this song, maybe at the festivals, maybe even on upcoming tour. Also they're spending a lot of time in ny right now so I'm afraid this is not the only weird move that we will see from them, cuz if this song is sort of a pre realese for the album then idk what kind of an album is waiting for us. I hope I'm wrong about that, but i guess we just have to wait and see

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

OTEP Covers BILLIE EILISH's 'You Should See Me In A Crown'

It's been nearly five years since the release of OTEP's last full-length album, the crushing "Kult 45", and since then the world has gone to complete…well, let's just say it's become the kind of world that desperately needs the band led by singer, poet, illustrator, author and activist Otep Shamaya. Not only is Shamaya a revered musical figure, known for her intrepid blending of metal genres and hip-hop, as exemplified on her notorious 2002 debut album "Sevas Tra", but she's also amassed an enormous following based on her fearless performances and confrontational, spiritually tinged lyrics. It's that combination of radical artistry and galvanizing message that the world desperately needs now more than ever, and OTEP is ready to answer the call.

Today marks the release of OTEP's first new recorded material since 2018, and it may come as a surprise. "You Should See Me In A Crown" was the lead single from the 2018 debut album of another controversial female figure who cut across musical and social norms to carve out an identity all her own. That artist is, of course, Billie Eilish, and OTEP's cover version is no mere homage to a young acolyte but rather a radical reimagining of the song that mines all of its dark sonic complexity as well as its bold lyrical message, transforming it into the kind of modern metal epic that nobody does better than OTEP.

As Shamaya herself puts it: "To me the song is a warning against cultural reduction, biased underestimation and the volatile anti-Newtonian reaction of judging someone before you know their true power."

Last September, Shamaya told the 96.7 KCAL-FM program "Wired In The Empire" that OTEP was putting the finishing touches on its ninth album for a tentative early 2023 release. "We've just finished mixing, and we're about to go into mastering," she said. "And then it's really up to the label to decide when they're gonna release it, what they're gonna release, which single they're gonna release. I have some say as to, you know, what I recommend, but ultimately it lies on them."

Regarding the songwriting process for OTEP's new album, Shamaya said: "This record actually was written with a couple of different songwriters, which I was really excited to work with. 'Kult 45' was my last album, which is four years old now. It's insane to believe that it's been four years, but it has. When I went back in the studio, the band had sort of dispersed at that point — everybody was trying to make a living and trying to find other jobs — and so I just went to the producer and we sat down and we found some really, really talented, creative people. And even though I've been doing this for a long time and have accomplished a lot — at least I think I have — I really work best with mentors. I like people that are, I feel, creatively better than I am so that I can have this sort of spiritual intercourse between all of us where we're sort of sharing ideas and I'm inspiring them and they're inspiring me."

Throughout the span of her career, Shamaya has been an undeniable force in bringing awareness via various acclaimed mediums to social and political injustices felt by various communities and subcultures. For years, publications such as Revolver magazine have lauded Shamaya for "following in the footsteps of outspoken musicians from folk singer Woody Guthrie to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE's Zach de la Rocha, dubbing her "one of music's catalysts for social change".

OTEP's latest album, the aforementioned "Kult 45", was released in 2018. The LP was recorded at The Lair in Los Angeles, completely utilizing the same equipment used for OTEP's first album, "Sevas Tra" (down to Shamaya's vocal microphone, a SHURE Beta 58),in order to create a sound reminiscent of their roots. "Kult 45" was produced by the band, with assistant engineering from Larry Goetz, Nicolas Schilke and Lizzy Ostro.

[thefanficmonster]

Interesting Encounters

Corpse Husband *& Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Paranoia and Fear of Invasion of Privacy

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse has an interesting run-in with his regular delivery girl, having the chance to talk to her for the first time despite her having been delivering to his door for months. It’s a big step in overcoming his anxiety and paranoia when talking to strangers.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! Hope you come across the final product of your request and give it a read and if so I hope you like it! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it though! Love, Vy ❤

It’s a regular Monday morning, close to 10AM and Corpse’s face is practically glued to the sound editing app he’s downloaded, playing around with some cool effects to add to his voice in the background of the new song he’s been working on. He hasn’t been able to sleep a wink thanks to the immense excitement, not that he would’ve been able to regardless, but the tune and the lines have been stuck in his head all throughout the weekend and he knows they’ll be bothering him until he turns them into something other people will be able to listen and give an opinion on as well. So far he’s done plenty of work but there’s plenty more to go until it’s done. He’s at that point he usually needs feedback and wants to ask for it but would rather not to avoid either too harsh judgement or fake praise.

He slides the headset off, deciding to take a break for the sake of his sanity before he drives himself to insanity with the intensity of his focus on this new piece. His brain just so conveniently sends him a reminder that his groceries are probably waiting for him outside the door. He has, as of the last half a year or so, had someone deliver his groceries to him to avoid trips to the grocery store with both the whole pandemic situation and the growth of following which translates to growth of the risk of him getting recognized. That’s the main reason - and maybe the only one - as to why he doesn’t interact with the people who deliver to him either. He always gives his delivery person the instruction to leave whatever he’s ordered at the doorstep and if it’s not takeout to not even ring the doorbell. 

That being said, the deliverer of his groceries doesn’t ring the doorbell to give him the kind reminder to be responsible, but luckily he hasn’t forgotten to collect them yet in the six months he’s been practicing this delivery technique.

Going to the front door and looking out of the peephole, he confirms there are several full plastic bags waiting to be picked up on the mat. With the person who brought them not in sight, Corpse unlocks the door and steps out to bring in the groceries for the week. Taking them to the kitchen, he unpacks the goods in the three bags. At first glance he would’ve been fooled, seeing as how it seems that all he has ordered is there. But, each Monday, he receives exactly four bags of groceries. One is missing. He rolls his eyes thinking he didn’t see it outside and left it there while he was hurriedly collecting the rest so he gets up to go grab it real quick.

While in the meantime...

Y/N looks through the remainder of bags in her minivan, making a route in her head for what roads and shortcuts she can take to deliver the last of the groceries to the respective homes they need to be taken to. Upon looking through them, however, she sees a bag labeled ‘MM’ that she uses short for ‘Mystery Man’, aka the guy who never opens the door to greet her whenever she delivers him anything. She works for several delivery services such as takeout, groceries, clothes even and has delivered to that apartment hundreds of times but has never met the resident, giving her the right to call him Mystery Man, aka ‘MM’.

“Ah, shit.“ She mumbles under her breath, realizing she failed to grab the fourth bag when on her way up to MM’s apartment.

Coming to terms with the fact that she’ll have to lose another five minutes going back up to his floor, she grabs the bag and takes off running back inside the building and up the stairs, deciding it would be quicker than taking the elevator.

Just as she arrives to the floor, heading straight for the door, it opens, freezing her in her tracks as her eyebrows shoot up.  At the doorstep stands a guy with an eye patch who looks more surprised and maybe even a little terrified than her. Taking in that Mystery Man is not such a mystery anymore, she returns to her professionalism, remaining at a distance and outstretching the hand holding the bag towards him.

“Sorry, forgot to drop this one off as well, I’m a bit all over the place today.“ She says in her most professional voice.

Corpse too regains his composure and takes the handed bag from Y/N gloved hand. Before he can think twice about it he says, “Thanks, uh...”

“Y/N.“ She says, “I’ve delivered to you countless times, it’s funny you don’t know my name but it’s to be expected since I’ve never seen you. This would be a good time to tell me your name so I don’t have to call you Mystery Man anymore.“ She laughs, cutting her own laughter off barely a second later when she realizes what she’s said, “Oh, fucking shit...”

Corpse chuckles, clear amusement in the sound, “Mystery Man? Interesting, interesting. If I ever become a superhero I’ll make sure to pick that name.” He fails to even pay mind to the fact that he’s spoken a lot more than he’d usually feel comfortable with.

Y/N laughs a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise to come up with a better one if you’re not willing to tell me your real one. Like....Pirate, for example?” she suggests, raising her shoulders.

He can’t help but let out a laugh, “You’d be surprised, but my name is not so far from your mark. It’s, um....” He’s not looking forward to the judgmental look or the questions he might receive in response to his statement but he succumbs to the expected disappointment, “My name’s Corpse.”

Surprisingly, she just smiles - a smile he cannot see due to the surgical mask she’s wearing but the crinkle at the corners of her eyes gives it away. “Cool! Well, I better get going then.”

Just as she turns to head for the elevator this time, seeing as she’s still out of breath from the run up the stairs, Corpse gets an idea he’d probably not be too fond of if he gave himself time to think it over. Which is exactly why he didn’t.

“Hey!“ He calls after her, gaining her attention immediately, causing her to turn around, “You got a minute? I need a little help with something...“

Y/N’s eyebrows raise a little, a moment before she shrugs her shoulders, “Meh, I’m already behind schedule, what’s an extra minute gonna do?” And just like that, they strut their way back towards his apartment.

He can’t help but chuckle, taking the opportunity to crack a joke, “This is how people often get killed. You don’t just walk into a stranger’s apartment like that.”

She scoffs as she passes the threshold, “Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about a person based on the groceries they buy. And trust me buddy, you’re not a murderer.” Earning herself a laugh and a nod with that remark, she continues, “You do appear to be an artist with all the cheap food you’re buying though.”

Corpse laughs yet again, a hint of nervousness is sensed in his laugh this time around though, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’re still gonna call me an artist when you hear this song I’ve been working on. Not even out of the box yet.”

Y/N stops in her tracks, “Well, well, well, aren’t I honored to be one of the lucky people hearing this before its release.”

“The first hearing it before its release.“ He corrects her with a pointed look, not missing the excitement that arose in her eyes.

“Let’s hear it then!“

Of all the friendship stories that exist, no one can say this ain’t a unique one.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns ��@meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo  @beatrhizn  @blueberrystigma  @beatrhizn  @chicken-taco-burrito  @scorpios-echos

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Limitless Podcast Transcript [S2E8]

TW: None. Notes: I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG Word Count: 2.0K

[Previous] | [Next] [Other Groups Masterlist] | [Without a Trace Masterlist]

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Release Date: August X, 2021 Episode Title: The Return of Vigilantes Run Time: 22:35 Minutes

Intro Song: Serenity - Azido 88, Summit One

Johnny: Everyone! Hello, hi, hey! Sorry for the radio silence on our end, good god, do we have things to share.

Mark: Yes! Oh god, buckle up everyone, buckle up! But, of course, housekeeping is in order, Shotaro, what's our view count at right now?

Shotaro: Maybe around four point nine thousand?

Mark: Yo! That's awesome! Wait, wait, wait, let me, like, let it sink in because this compared with what we're about to announce? Oh man, this episode is going to be awesome!

Johnny: Right on, and today is our first open camera episode too! Hi everyone!

Mark: Patreon benefits, guys.

Johnny: Crazy to know I'm actually on camera for once.

Shotaro: Everyone's glad that they can finally put voice to face.

Mark: Nice, sorry we took so long, we're a bit camera shy. But, we're trying this out, and we hope you guys aren't too harsh on us.

Johnny: I wore my nice shirt for this one...

Mark: Ew...

Johnny: Ahem, moving on, I'm sure everyone's already heard the news, but we're going to let you wait a little longer for our quick vigilante news flash. First up, the trial of the Stranger has begun and, at his request, it is a public trial. In other news, Tail has become active again working with the police force and has publically denounced the efforts of the Charlatan. Furthermore, the mayor of the city has continuously refused to comment on the status of vigilantes given the efforts by the Charlatan, aside from saying the generic things like to trust the police in their efforts. Finally, our previous guest Dr. Jung Jaehyun has been called in by the police department to aid in their efforts with both controlling the rogue vigilantes and dealing with the Charlatan.

Mark: And that's all on the catch-up! Onto the big topic.

Johnny: If you've been online, then you probably know what we're about to say, and if you're surprised by this then have you been living under a rock? The Internet has been turned on its head with this news!

Mark: That's right, that's right! Drum roll please!

Johnny: Aaaaand the Vigilantes are making a comeback!

Mark: The whole event in Grand Central Bank? Literally blew my mind! A team-up of not one, not two, but nine of the city's most well-known and, arguably, strongest vigilantes! Ah! I'm freaking out!

Johnny: This is huge news, and it looks like this is a permanent team up from their similar uniforms and all.

Mark: You heard that right, everyone. Just look up any article or any post online. The Mastermind, the Huntsman, the Broker, the Cypher, the Blackguard, the Shadow, the Cheshire, the Timekeeper, and the Ace of Spades. I can't think of a better grouping.

Johnny: I agree! Each member plays off of each other in a well-coordinated way, I mean, did you see those videos? They're all over Twitter! Not to mention the leaked CCTV of Cheshire and Spades, ugh, it was amazing.

Mark: Cheshire and Spades?! No, no, no, the true team-up was Spades and Blackguard! Now that was a blast to the past. The Aces and Aegis used to work together on a lot of runs so it was a little bittersweet to see them work together again.

Johnny: Aw, man, I was excited just looking at the videos. But everyone's sleeping on Shadow and Broker, the way Shadow just swept the floor was amazing!

Mark: Yeah, but did you see the video of that one guy who was running away from the scene? It's trending on TikTok right now, the Huntsman shot him from the top of the bank!

Johnny: Insanity, literal insanity. Ugh, and I heard that Jaehyun was at the scene too, I wonder if he got an up-close look at the action. The officers that were dispatched were surprisingly cooperative with the now unnamed team.

Mark: See, when I first heard about it, I was kind of afraid that it would just be a temporary team-up, but from the upgraded uniforms and that 'A' symbol, which by the way gave me literal goosebumps, I think it's safe to say that this group is going to be staying for a while. And if we take what Cypher said into account, I think this group might be very promising.

Johnny: Agreed, agreed. This group has declared an all-out war on the Charlatan, and I'm here to see it. The police haven't been making any progress on the Charlatan case, but I'm confident that this 'A' group will breakthrough.

Mark: You know, now that we're on the topic, I wonder what that 'A' stands for.

Johnny: Can I be honest?

Mark: I mean, yeah?

Johnny: I immediately thought about the Scarlet Letter.

Mark: Dude, that's foul!

Johnny: I mean, don't lie! You thought of it too! It's literally a scarlet letter. The only reason why I didn't scream 'adultery?!' when I first saw it is because I knew they were vigilantes.

Mark: What do you guys think? Tweet about it and tag us @/thelimitlesspodcast!

Johnny: Wow, way to plug.

Mark: Just had to, ya know?

Johnny: Speaking of plugs...

Mark: What's today's episode sponsorship, Johnny?

Johnny: Today's episode's sponsor is... ourselves! Woo! That's right, we've officially gotten three thousand Patreon subscribers! Thank you all so much, we couldn't have done it without you all. Your contributions really do help us out so much. If you're interested, you can go ahead and check out our [carrd] linked in both our Instagram and Twitter bios for links to our Patreon. We currently have three tiers. The first is only $5 a month and gives you access to all of our episode VODs. The second is $10 and gives you Discord benefits as well as Patreon exclusives that are listed there. The third is $15 and includes the first and second tiers alongside the ability to watch us live as we film these podcasts and, as you can tell, we recently started doing open camera lives! But if you can't join or if you don't want to then no problem! You giving us a follow and supporting us by listening to our podcast is plenty! So from our team to yours, thank you!

Mark: Aww... that's a sweet one! Thanks, guys, you make the Limitless Podcast possible!

Johnny: And now, back to our scheduled programming. The appearance of this 'A' team has caused a lot of uproar in certain sectors of the city. A lot of people in office are expressing their discomfort at the sudden appearance of this group, and to be fair, rightfully so.

Mark: True, especially Blackguard, they're wanted for first-degree murder so it is justified that a lot of people wouldn't want them to run around unhindered. And then for Huntsman and Shadow that goes too.

Johnny: I'm getting flashbacks to Jaehyun's Vigilante vs. Criminal spiel now...

Mark: Yeah, pretty much. As excited as I am to see a group like the 'A' group come together, it's pretty alarming to see them work together because in some ways they work too well together. A lot of people are concerned that if they work outside of the law who will regulate them? It's like we've gone full circle back to what started the Vigilante Ban in the first place.

Johnny: Right, people are afraid of the supposed neverending cycle of Vigilante vs. Villain. And that I understand, people could get caught in the crossfire of these people and there's nothing we can do about it. But, and this is true, especially in the case of those who have had mutations resulting from certain accidents, I think as long as there's goodwill involved, it can change a lot of things.

Mark: Yeah, that's how I usually see it too. I remember before the Ban that there were a few people pushing to extend the Good Samaritan laws to vigilantes, but that required recognizing Vigilante justice as an actual job and one that responds to emergencies.

(TN: For reference to those who live in areas without the Good Samaritan Law, it essentially states that protects emergency responders from lawsuits so long as the person they were trying to help was reasonably incapacitated or in harm's way (i.e. the patient is passed out or choking). As long as their intentions were to save that person and for no other reason, then if any further harm falls on the patient as a direct result of their interference the emergency responder would be legally protected from that. An example of this would be when someone's choking and an emergency responder had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on them, they will first ask if they're choking and if they can't respond and it's obvious they are choking then the Good Samaritan Law protects them. One way to prove "good intent" is to not receive any gifts/rewards/anything similar in return for the actions.)

Johnny: Oh yeah, I remember that. A lot of arguing went with it and eventually it was used to support the Vigilante Ban.

Mark: Exactly. But, the return of Vigilantes might yet be a shining light, it's too early to tell. What do you guys think? Tag us on Twitter. You all know the drill! Check our Twitter! Buy either us or Crys, our wonderful transcriber, a Kofi, if you want! We’d really appreciate it. And the first 100 questions on our CuriousCat will be answered, as per usual.

Johnny: That's all for now! Everyone take care! Bye!

Mark: Later!

(TN: I'm transcribing the next part since it's here and it was recorded during their livestream. But I don't think they were aware that they were still live.)

Johnny: And that's a wrap, good job everyone! Shotaro, how were things going on your end?

Shotaro: Pretty good, I deleted all the negative things and moderated the hell out of chat. But, there's a lot of alarming questions in chat earlier, or, well, really the whole time.

Johnny: Alarming in what way?

Shotaro: Did you guys listen to the last episode?

Johnny: The one about the Charlatan?

Shotaro: Uh, no, there was an episode after that, or there was supposed to be, but you guys didn't show up.

Johnny: And you guys filmed an episode?!

Shotaro: Yeah, everyone was already in the chat room, so Jungwoo took over and explained a lot of things. Not only were you guys just missing, but almost none of our equipment was working either aside from this monitor and the mics.

Jungwoo: I thought I texted you guys about it?

Johnny: Wait, really? Mark, pull it up.

Mark: Got it, got it...

[Previous episode plays in the back]

Johnny: Oh... oh no.

Mark: I'm sorry about that message, we'll fix that transmission, did Crys transcribe that?

Shotaro: Hold on, let me call her...

Mark: Why didn't she tell us?

Shotaro: She's not picking up, Johnny you try.

Johnny: Why me?!

Shotaro: I dunno, doesn't she have some gaga crush on you?

Johnny: She does?

Shotaro: Just call her, I'm freaking out! I haven't heard from her for two weeks!

Mark: Two weeks?!

Shotaro: Yeah?!

Johnny: She's not picking up. Mark, you try.

Mark: I already did. I... uh... shit, are we still live?

Shotaro: Uh, yes, yeah, sorry, let me end it.

Outro Song: By the River - Relaxing Musk Ox

General Tag List: @vickylamore @kazooms @sehunnies-hunnie96 @yangsrose @bat-shark-repellant @nakakapagpabagabagenthusiast @raeincitizen @here-aeth @lune1897 @gaiyofanfiction @jaeminsespresso @umbralhelwolf @morningsunandnightsky

Without a Trace: @naiify @sunsethw4 @leesalts

Unable to be Tagged: @mizzdivagirl7-blog @elwiwiwi

If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[heyyyharry]

Till Death (a Halloween one shot)

…in which Y/N and Harry share a flat but he cannot see her.

Warning: DEATH, MENTAL ILLNESS, MENTION OF SU1C1DE AND SELF-HARM (inexplicit). There's a happy ending tho 😬

Inspired by Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride and this song.

Word count: 3.9k

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.

.

“Oh, you’re home!” she said as he shut the door and kicked off his shoes. His hair was a mess, his eyes dark and weary. He leaned against the wall and released a long heavy sigh.

“Trouble at work?” she asked. He didn’t answer. He never did. But it was okay. She was used to it.

She watched him trudge toward the couch and slump into it with his head buried in his hands. It was so quiet. It was always quiet here, and most of the time, she enjoyed the silence. After all, it was all she ever knew. But she also liked his laugh and his voice when he talked on the phone. He never talked to her. He was a great listener though, and she liked to talk anyway, so she had nothing to complain about. He never interrupted her, never commented; he only listened.

He rested his head on the couch with an arm over his closed eyes. She sat down beside him, her legs together, her hands on her knees.

“Guess what I did today,” she said.

He let go another long breath.

Silence.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell ya.” She rolled her eyes, suppressing a grin. “I made a new friend. A bird. I saw him on our balcony this morning. I named him Steve. Can you imagine? A bird named Steve. I think Steve likes me as much as a bird could like someone–”

“Oh, shit!”

She flinched as he jumped to his feet.

“Where are you going?” she asked, slightly worried.

“Shit, I forgot,” he murmured, shoving his fingers into his already unruly hair as he reached for his phone on the coffee table. He sat back down and unlocked the screen. His handsome face was illuminated as he typed something into the chat. She rested her head on his shoulder and stole a glance at the screen, just enough to see who he was texting.

It was that name again.

She’d seen him text this person every day for the last couple of weeks. She didn’t know who they were or what they looked like or if they were male or female. All she knew was that they always got Harry’s full attention.

She thought it’d be rude to read other people’s texts, so she never did even though he would never stop her. Still, it didn’t mean she wasn’t dying to know what they said to each other. She would watch Harry as he talked to the person either on the phone or through texts. And he would always look so happy whenever a notification came and he saw the person’s name.

She bet they talked about more interesting topics, not just birds with human names. That thought alone gave a throbbing feeling in her hollow chest.

Sometimes, when she was with him, she forgot about its absence, which was good, because she wanted to forget.

But whenever she saw his eyes sparkle as he talked to this person, she would remember that there was somebody else out there with that thing in their chest, somebody he could feel and see and hear…

...and love.

Then she would remember what he was, what she was, and what they could never be.

After all, she was dead.

She didn’t remember how long she’d been dead. She only knew that she’d been alone for too long. Time didn’t really matter when you stopped growing older. She was stuck like this. Forever 21, as she would joke to herself. She didn’t know how old Harry was, but he had a job that stressed him out every day, so she assumed he was older than she’d been when she’d died.

She’d been trapped in this flat ever since. She’d watched people move her stuff out and other people move their stuff in. She’d forgotten about her loved ones or if she’d ever had them in the first place. She didn’t have any recollection of the life she’d had. She couldn’t even attend her own funeral. If she’d known that she’d be stuck in the place where she’d died, she would have probably not chosen to die here. She missed being outdoors, seeing new people. She wondered if she’d still be in love with Harry if he weren’t the only person she knew.

Honestly, she had never been in love when she’d been alive. She knew that, because even though the memories ceased to exist, she still would have remembered what being in love had felt like. It was funny, actually. When she’d had a heart, she hadn’t been able to use it, and now that she didn’t, she could feel it every day. Could someone love without having a heart? She didn’t know what love felt like to be sure that this was love, yet she knew that she’d rather spend an eternity with this man than to reincarnate into someone else.

They’d been living together for two years. Before him, there had been an elderly couple and a family of four. They’d been fun and lovely. But Harry was...different.

He was alone like her. She felt a deep connection with him in that way, as it was rare to find a person who appreciated isolation and not let it drive them insane. Almost everyone was terrified of being alone. Harry, however, found comfort in being alone. He always knew how to entertain himself. He read books. He sang in the shower. He cooked dinner for himself. He’d call his family to tell them about his day.

Sometimes, as she watched him talk to his mum and sister, she wished she remembered her own family. Would she still want to be alone if she remembered them? Well, she didn’t want to be alone now that she had him. It scared her sometimes. An attachment was a scary thing when you knew that you’d forever be temporary to the people around you. Like the elderly couple and the family, one day, Harry would leave, and she’d have to get used to new flatmates who would most likely leave again.

But that was for the future. Right now, what they had was enough.

.

.

.

“I’m seeing someone,” Harry said one day.

Y/N didn’t want to eavesdrop, but she was sitting by the window talking to Steve while Harry was on the phone with his sister. It was the first time Y/N heard him say the person’s name. He was smiling the entire time as he talked about her. Y/N loved seeing Harry smile, so it didn’t matter what made him smile. She just wanted to see him happy.

He told his sister that the woman he was seeing was coming over tonight. He seemed excited. Harry had only ever looked this excited except for when his favourite show came on. That was how she knew he loved this woman as much as he loved that show, which was a lot.

“Can I join you guys tonight?” Y/N asked him when he ended the phone call.

He put his phone back down and looked right at her. If she had a heart, it would combust right then and there. But what she didn’t expect was him marching towards her, thrusting his hand right through her chest and shutting the window. Steve flew away. Harry turned and left.

The place where his hand had been burned with its absence, leaving her frozen as she watched the bedroom door fall shut. He couldn’t feel her, but she could feel much more than a dead person was allowed to feel.

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.

.

Dinner was nice.

And so was the other woman.

It was funny how Y/N would refer to her as ‘the other woman’ when she’d been the one getting all Harry’s attention. She was sweet, blond-haired, great smile. She sat at Y/N’s spot at dinner. Y/N didn’t mind as she wasn’t eating anyway, yet it saddened her that she didn’t get to tell Harry her boring stories; the other woman was doing most of the talking.

Harry listened to her and laughed at her jokes. He never responded to Y/N that way. She’d been fine with it before, but seeing how he interacted with someone else made her want to vanish into thin air.

It was the first time in two years that she’d seen another living person beside Harry, and yet she had never felt lonelier.

After dinner, Harry asked if the woman wanted to spend the night and she said yes, so Y/N retreated to her spot – the bathroom. For some strange reason, she found comfort there. She would just get into the empty tub and lie there until morning.

Before Harry had moved in, she’d stayed in the bathroom at night while the living were asleep. Since Harry, she would usually spend the night outside his room. He’d always sleep with the door open and a lot of pillows. She didn’t want to be intrusive, but she’d heard him crying one night. His stepdad had just passed away and she’d stayed with him to keep him company, even though he hadn’t been aware of her presence.

She’d sat beside him on the bed as he’d cried. She’d told him that dead didn’t mean gone, that his stepdad might still be around, or have gone to heaven to get a new better life.

To be honest, she didn’t know if heaven existed for she didn’t get to leave this place, but maybe heaven only existed for the ones who deserved it. She was too good for hell, not good enough for heaven, so she was still here.

That night, as she was lying in the tub, gazing at the shadows of objects cast on the ceiling, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d seen at dinner. A happy Harry. A truly happy Harry.

She’d always wondered what he looked like when someone made him laugh so hard he forgot about everything else, or when he blushed because of the things someone said to him, or when he looked at someone like they were the only person that mattered. Now that she’d seen it, it felt like torture.

She would never make him laugh. She would never get to hear him call her beautiful or tell her jokes just because he wanted to see her smile. He’d never get to know her. That was the worst part. It hadn’t bothered her before, and now it was too late to undo her feelings for him.

She didn’t have a heart, but as she lay her palms on top of her chest and shut her eyes, she could feel it breaking.

.

.

.

Ever since that night, the other woman would come over very often. It had hurt at first, then Y/N learned to get used to it. It didn’t mean it stopped hurting. She’d still feel invisible tears rolling down her cheeks every time they kissed in front of her. She’d spend most of the day avoiding them. It was hard to do so when she couldn’t leave the flat. She’d tried before. She’d tried to follow Harry outside, but the second she stepped through that door, she was back in the tub.

She was imprisoned in her own home where she felt like a guest. She had no one to talk to, and it had never been a problem before but now it was driving her insane.

Sometimes, she even wished that the other woman was dead. It was bad that love made her blind and envy made her cruel. Whenever that malicious thought crossed her mind, though, she’d think about Harry and instantly felt bad about wanting his girlfriend dead. It wasn’t a nice thing to wish onto anyone, especially when Y/N herself knew how overrated death was.

It wasn’t a solution. Just more problems.

And at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter if she was hurt. After all, she was dead. Dead people couldn’t feel pain. This was just an illusion. Her pain wasn’t real. If Harry lost someone he loved, that would be real. And she’d take all the hurt just to keep him happy. Always.

.

.

.

Tonight, Harry came home alone.

She asked him what was wrong, knowing he wouldn’t answer. He went straight to the couch and buried his face into his hands. She wondered if he’d forgotten to take his pills again. She’d call them his happy pills. He’d been taking them for a couple of months now. He was always so sad and numb without them. Lately, it seemed like he hadn’t been taking them.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s on your mind,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.

Silence sank in. The heaviness in her hollow chest became too much to bear.

Then, his shoulders began to shake.

He started crying.

She’d seen him cry before, but this time she could feel everything he was feeling. And it was even worse for her because she could not do anything about it. When a person cried, they’d feel better afterwards. There was no better for the dead. Just forever numbness. Forever pain. Maybe she hadn’t gone to hell because this was her hell. What had she done to deserve this?

Whatever. This wasn’t about her.

She wished she could wipe away Harry’s tears and tell him things that’d make him feel better. She felt powerless. There was nothing she could do to help.

She sat and watched him cry for what seemed like forever. When he finally stopped, he took out his phone and texted the other woman.

This time, Y/N read.

They’d broken up. The messages didn’t say why. All Y/N knew was that Harry was madly in love with the other woman. He’d sent so many messages asking her to stay, telling her he couldn’t live without her. And she never responded to a single one.

“Harry…” Y/N murmured.

Harry shook his head gently as if he’d heard it. Then, he got to his feet and padded to the bedroom. The door fell shut, leaving Y/N with the uncomfortable silence that could smother her.

She started pacing back and forth outside his bedroom. Her head swam with half-formed regrets. She wished she’d done something to stop him from getting to know the other woman and falling in love with her. But what could she have possibly done? She was dead. She was a ghost, floating around, haunting this place. She couldn’t keep two living people from falling in love. She couldn’t stop the woman from breaking Harry’s heart.

But that was one thing about not having a heart, you’d hurt twice as much trying to protect a heart that wasn’t your own.

Something crashed.

Glass shattered.

The world stilled for a second as Y/N burst into the bedroom.

There he was. Staring right back at her.

But there was also him. On the floor. The real him.

Those weren’t his happy pills.

“Harry!” she screamed and rushed towards the Harry on the floor. His ghost stood there watching in silence as she tried to wake him. She couldn’t touch him. She could only scream and if he’d never listened before, he wasn’t listening now. “Harry, please wake up...Please wake up…”

She lay her palm on his chest. He wasn’t dead. She could still feel his heart beating. His skin pale and his breathing slowed. Half of him was still fighting to live and as long as the other half didn’t overpower him, he might be saved.

“Who are you?” asked the ghost standing beside her.

She looked up. The other Harry was looking right at her, not through her. This one could see her.

“I’m Y/N,” she said, still in shock.

“Y/N,” he echoed.

She’d heard him tell the other woman that he would repeat a person’s name so he wouldn’t forget it. He could hear Y/N, see her and now he knew her name. Her invisible heart swelled for a second, but then she could feel it, the beating of that living thing under his chest. He was still half-alive. But he wouldn’t be for too long.

“You must hold on,” she told his ghost, panting heavily as she started freaking out. “You can’t...you can’t die...you must...I don’t know....get back into your body before it’s too late.”

“I don’t know how, and I don’t want to,” he said, staring at himself, and then at her. She didn’t like the look he was giving her. It was as if she was an exotic animal and he was a curious child going to the zoo for the first time. “Are you a ghost?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said, rising to her feet, trying to avoid his gaze. “I-I died here…”

Silence.

“How long have you been here?”

She shook her head. “I don’t remember. When you’re dead, your memories start to fade. Now I don’t remember anything from when I was alive.”

“So there’s no afterlife?” Harry asked, his voice breaking a little. She looked up and saw him staring at his own body with a pained expression that could be regret. “You just...stay here?”

“I don’t know about the other ghosts, but that’s what it is for me,” she said, rubbing her arms.

“Aren’t you lonely?” he asked.

“Well, not really. I’ve got you.”

Her answer seemed to surprise him. He blinked. “But I couldn’t see you or talk to you.”

She raised a soft smile. “But I could see you and talk to you. That was enough.” Harry was giving her an expression she could not interpret, so she hurriedly went on, “Believe me. Death is overrated. You don’t want it.”

“But what if I do? I lost my job and someone I loved. I have struggled every day for the past few months, so why bother?”

“So you think it’s easy for me?” she asked. “I don’t have a heart, yet I still feel things and I can’t cry and the feelings won’t go away. They’ll still be here when everyone else leaves. Dead doesn’t mean gone but it’s the end of second chances. I’ll never get to celebrate my twenty-second birthday. I’ll never get to graduate. I don’t remember my family or if I ever had one. I don’t get to make friends. I don’t...don’t get to be loved…

“And if that doesn’t sound bad to you, just think about all the people you’d leave behind. Your mum, your sister. You won’t remember them but they’ll remember you. And they’ll have to carry the pain of losing you until it happens to them. I didn’t get to see them one last time because...if I tried to leave this flat, I’d just...just keep coming back here. I’d never get to apologise to them for abandoning them. I regret it every single day. And I don’t want it to happen to you.”

The Harry in front of her was quiet for a moment. The Harry on the floor was struggling to breathe.

“If I die,” he spoke, his eyes meeting hers, “you won’t be lonely anymore. Why are you trying to talk me out of it?”

She took a moment to think. Then, “Because I love you.”

His eyes widened as he parted his lips. He didn’t believe it. For the first time, Y/N could see herself in him. She wouldn’t believe it if someone told her they loved her, either. She thought she couldn’t be loved. That was why she’d chosen the easier way out. It wasn’t easy; she knew that now. So she wasn’t going to let him make the same mistake.

“You think no one cares, but I do,” she said, reaching for his hand. She held it, lacing her fingers with his. “So please hold on. If you fully give up, you cannot be saved.”

He looked at himself and then back at her. “Where did you die?”

A pause.

“The bathroom.”

Sadness set over his features. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said, smiling. ���I’ve never been better than I am now.”

“Harry!” shouted a female voice as the front door burst open suddenly and frantic footsteps rushed into the room.

The moment Harry saw the woman he loved, hope lit up his entire face. The woman screamed as she collapsed by his body and pulled out her phone to call an ambulance. She kissed his face and told him how much she loved him, that she was sorry, that she’d take back all the things she’d said, that she wanted to spend many more years with him.

Y/N felt herself losing grip of the other Harry. He started to fade. She tried to hold onto him, but it was no use.

And before he was completely gone, he smiled at her and said, “Thank you.” And she thanked him, too. For seeing her. And not giving up.

.

.

.

Harry didn’t remember anything when he came back from the hospital. He got back together with his girlfriend, who finally moved in with him. They lasted for two years and their relationship ended on good terms. After that, Harry, now with the job that he loved, started seeing other people and stopped taking his happy pills. He’d got better. He was happy all the time. He didn’t remember his conversation with Y/N, but sometimes she’d catch him staring at the bathtub. She’d pretend that he could see her and she’d smile and wave. Maybe he could, but he didn’t want to freak her out. Who knew?

He moved out of the flat after a few more years. The last night he was there, she’d lay on the floor beside his bed as he slept.

The ones after him were fun. Y/N liked meeting new people. One couple even had a pet and she finally had someone to talk to. Still, sometimes she would think about Harry and wondered what he might be doing now.

One night, while lying in the tub, she discovered a tiny word someone had written on the bathroom wall.

Hello.

She’d been here long enough to know that it hadn’t always been there. She recognised that handwriting. Though she wished she’d found it sooner, it made her happy as she traced her fingers over it and imagined him thinking of her.

.

.

.

Y/N didn’t know how much time had passed.

But Harry did return.

When he came in, she almost didn’t recognise him. He was an old man in a wheelchair. She’d overheard him talking to his caretaker that he wanted to spend his last days in this flat. He stayed in bed for that whole first week and she’d lie beside his bed and talk to him each night.

He died of old age.

One night, he went to the bathroom and lay down in the tub and fell asleep and never woke up.

She stood in the doorway, watching him.

Then, she felt a tap on her shoulder. When she turned, she saw the same Harry who was young and handsome and wearing the same clothes as the day he’d first seen her.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi,” she said.

Apparently, when you died, you got to choose the age you wanted to be. She’d chosen to be twenty-one, the age she’d died. Harry had chosen to be twenty-four, the age he’d met the ghost girl who had saved his life.

[ifmywishescametrue]

Hi!!! First of all, I am like🥺 such a fan of everything you write! And so I saw that you’re taking prompts and thought I’d try my luck. So, if you’re inspired of course, maybe you would do “I’m not leaving” or “I’m glad you’re here” (or literally any prompt from that list bc they’re all just🥺🥺) for Steve/Tony? Oh, and as a fellow Swiftie, I hope you’re ready for the Fearless re-release tomorrow !!!🤯 bc I’m looking forward to crying my way through this weekend🥲🥰🥺💖💞

hi!!! thank you so much, and I’m so sorry this took so long! but i also managed to put both prompts into it so hopefully that makes up for it lol. also the fearless re-recordings are so insanely good and the vault songs are god tier!!

Tony has a vision in his mind for the day he graduates from college. It’s been there since he was just a kid and the furthest ahead he could imagine for himself was that day. At the time it seemed like a hundred years away, and it carried an allure of freedom that was nearly unfathomable back then. 

He always thought Ana and Jarvis would be there, sitting next to his mom. Howard came and went from the vision, because sometimes Tony would dream that it would be the day he was finally proud of him and sometimes he would be out of Tony’s life completely by then. When Steve comes into his life in middle school, new to California from Brooklyn, he gets added to that vision, too. 

The reality ends up disappointing. 

It’s been a few months since Jarvis passed, a couple of years since his parents died, and even longer since Ana’s death, but it hurts a little more today. All of the empty seats make Tony’s chest ache. Steve’s absence makes it even worse, even if he understands it. It’s not the first time the army made him miss something big, and Tony knows it won’t be the last. At least he’d been apologetic on the phone. A little sad, even, which made Tony feel worse for it. 

After the ceremony ends, Rhodey slings his arm around his shoulder and Pepper walks on his other side. 

“Just once I wish they’d pick someone actually good to speak at these things,” Rhodey complains. “That was so cheesy.”

“You mean you aren’t excited for the first day of the rest of our lives?” Pepper teases. 

Tony laughs, “I thought the real low point was that joke he tried to make in the middle. Not too inspiring to imply that our degrees are essentially useless.”

“No, I love knowing that I’ve wasted the last four years.”

Rhodey hums, “Also wish he was a little more wrong about that.”

Rhodey’s family starts to call his name, waving enthusiastically from where the large group of them is huddled together. Pepper’s parents stand with them, looking so clearly like the odd ones out that it makes Tony grin. 

“I see your families are getting along just fine,” Tony says, watching Pepper’s mom bounce one of Rhodey’s cousins in her arms. 

“They’ve joined forces to nag us to death about getting married,” Pepper sighs, but there’s a fond smile on her face that betrays her. 

“Trying to get you to set a date?”

Rhodey grins, “Trying to get me to propose, actually.”

“You proposed last month,” Tony frowns and looks down at her left hand, which is surprisingly bare. “I didn’t hallucinate that, did I?”

Pepper pulls her necklace out from where it was hidden beneath her collar. The ring sits on a delicate silver chain, diamond glittering in the sunlight for just a moment before she tucks it away again. She puts her index finger to her lips to tell him to keep it quiet, and Tony laughs. 

“What did your innocent families do to deserve this?”

“There are no innocents in our families,” Rhodey says seriously. “We’re just buying ourselves some time until nagging me into proposing turns into everybody trying to plan our wedding for us.”

“My mother has terrible taste,” Pepper adds.

Waving from their families has turned into walking their way, and Tony gets sucked into the fold along with the two of them. He means to slip away after a few minutes, but no one lets that happen. Rhodey’s mom hugs him tightly and tells him he needs to eat more, followed immediately by how proud she is, and his cheeks turn pink under her attention. Somehow she wrangles him into joining them for the celebration dinner, but he can’t say that he minds much when he’s sitting with all of them. The laughter and stories take his mind off the melancholy feeling that’s been following him around lately, and it isn’t until he’s back in his quiet apartment much later in the day that he thinks about it again. 

His hand twists into the chain around his neck, dog tags clinking together. They’re the first ones Steve got, back when he was newly enlisted after high school, and the letters are worn down beneath Tony’s thumb as he traces the shape of Steve’s name. He remembers that first time Steve put them around his neck and told him to keep them safe while he was gone. It was a promise to come back, and on the worst nights they’re both a comfort and a curse. 

Leaning back against the closed door, he looks at the messy room in front of him. Finals week left him with little time for anything other than studying, and that coupled with his existing propensity for disorder, it looks a bit like a smaller tornado crossed through the apartment. Mugs stained with brown rings on the inside litter the coffee table, accompanied by pages of notes, pens, and uncapped highlighters. The blanket has fallen into a crumpled pile on the floor, and Tony is contemplating if he has the will to clean it all up when there’s a knock right behind his head. 

He assumes it’s Rhodey and Pepper, here to decompress after finally untangling themselves from their families, and he turns around to open the door with a light-hearted remark already on his lips. Whatever it was leaves his mind immediately at what he finds instead.

“Hey, baby,” Steve smiles. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

Tony means to say something in return, but all that he actually manages is a choked out sob. He doesn’t fully realize he’s crying until Steve’s hands are on his cheeks to brush away the tears. 

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” Steve murmurs, and Tony clutches at every part of him that he can reach. He grips the rough fabric of the fatigues, clings to his arms and shoulders and back, and he can’t possibly get close enough. 

“You’re here,” Tony whispers when he eventually finds his breath again. “You’re here, you’re actually here.”

Steve’s hand strokes through his hair, and his other hand is holding on to Tony just as tight as Tony is holding on to him. “I’m here, baby.”

He isn’t sure how long they stand there like that, swaying slightly as they hang on to each other, but it must be quite a long while before he can let go again. Even then, though, he doesn’t let Steve go very far. They fall onto the couch in one tangled mess of limbs. Tony puts his chin on Steve’s chest to look at him, and Steve looks back with a soft smile that almost makes him want to cry again. There’s a small, faded scratch on Steve’s cheek that wasn’t there before, and Tony reaches out to trace it with the tip of his finger. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Tony says quietly, like if he speaks any louder, the lovely little bubble they’re in will break. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here earlier,” Steve says again. “I really tried, but -”

Tony interrupts him with a shake of his head, “It’s okay. You’re here now.”

“I’ll be here for a while, I promise.”

Tony smiles, but there’s a dull, familiar ache in his chest at the thought that it will eventually come to end anyway. “How long do I have you for?”

Instead of answering, Steve shuffles a bit beneath him, hand worming its way into his pocket. He pulls out a folded paper and hands it to Tony, expression unreadable. Tony sits up a little to read it, and by the time he’s finished reading every single line to make sure it’s real, his hand is shaking. 

“You - you’re - discharged?” Tony stammers out. “You’re done?”

Steve nods, grin slowly forming as he watches Tony process it. “Was sort of hoping that might make up for missing the ceremony this morning.”

Tony laughs, light and carefree in a way that he hasn’t felt in four years. He kisses Steve with everything he has, paper crinkling between them, and between one kiss and the next, Steve reassures, “I’m not leaving, sweetheart. Never leaving again.”

[shihalyfie]

Comparing the original Best Partner character song series and the new one, and what that says about the 02 cast

So if you haven’t heard yet, a new series of 02 (it’s actually Kizuna) character songs dropped! Allegedly intended as a slightly delayed 20th anniversary project, the series is a callback to the original “Best Partner” character song album series that released during 02′s actual airing.

If you know anything about the original Best Partner series, it’s one that sets an insanely high bar, even for Digimon standards (and that’s saying something, given the deep associations this franchise has with music). The series of character songs before it, Adventure’s “Character Song + Mini Drama” series, has a…kind of questionable amount of relevance to each character; it’s not like they’re super amazingly out of character, but they don’t really tell you a lot about each character beyond some gloss details (this is probably best demonstrated in how Mimi’s song is blatantly just an AiM single disguised as a Mimi song). Best Partner, on the other hand, very intimately goes into each character’s head and their relationships with their respective partners, even putting in direct words what wasn’t stated explicitly in the series.

So does the new series live up to the high bar its predecessor sets? Answer: on top of some abnormal attention to detail on the covers, it is very obvious that the new series not only has a lot of the depth of the 02 characters in mind, but also is made in direct response to the original series itself. Moreover, putting the original Best Partner series and this one side by side reveals a lot about each of the 02 characters and what they got out of 02′s story, in a surprisingly neat summary.

Let’s go into how!

Since this is something that has a deep relationship with all of these characters in regards to the series, this particular meta would not have been possible without input from multiple people who know these characters better than I could ever hope to by myself. Thank you for all of your help.

A bit of historical context

The original Best Partner series consisted of a set of albums, one representing each pair of partners in 02. Notably, even though nowadays there’s a specific order of the Adventure/02 characters that’s used in modern media, not only does the original series not follow that ordering (as it hadn’t been set in stone at the time), it also leads with the original Adventure characters and not the 02 ones, which is pretty unusual for a series that’s ostensibly supposed to be for 02 (modern lineups will usually favor leading with whichever group the relevant product is branded with).

A lot of this probably makes more sense when you realize that the original Best Partner series was released during the first half of 02’s airing. The final album was released on August 23, 2000, four days before the fateful 02 episode 21 (yes, that means the third track on Ken and Wormmon’s album is actually a spoiler). So in other words, while the original Best Partner series accurately reflects the older Adventure group’s character development and what problems they were able to sufficiently overcome, the 02 group does not have anything about their character development from 02′s second half reflected in it at all.

That’s actually a really huge disparity, when you think about it, especially because a lot happened with the 02 group in that second half – that second half was where the emotional payoff and the results of everything that had been building up over that first half came together. So in comparison to the Adventure group, composed of people confidently talking about what they’ve decided for themselves from now on, you still have the 02 group drenched pretty deeply in insecurity. Watch 02 to the end and listen to those songs again, and you might even think “wait, this is supposed to represent these characters?” So, in essence, the new Best Partner series serves to address that gap, and what the 02 group gained and learned out of 02′s second half.

Best Partner (and its successor series for Tamers, Best Tamers) follows a uniform format: a solo song for the human partner, a solo song for the Digimon partner, and a duet between the two. (Given that, the original Best Partner series was really huge, at a whole 36 songs.) Recalling that, in the Adventure universe, a Digimon partner reflects the human’s inner self and psyche, it’s pretty extensive coverage: what the human has to say about themself, what place their Digimon partner is in relative to that, and what the nature of their relationship is due to that.

Let’s go into each pair of partners in detail!

Daisuke and V-mon

For those who love 02 and love Daisuke in particular, when you ask “what kind of character is Daisuke like?” or “what’s Daisuke’s best quality?”, you’re probably going to get answers like “forward-thinking” or “positive” or “good at uplifting others” – basically everything to do with how Daisuke is an encouraging presence who doesn’t give in easily and has a strong mentality of moving forward in the face of despair. Someone who appreciates and understands others’ best qualities, and loves them for everything they are. So when you look at his original Best Partner solo song, Goggle Boy…

But more than just saving the world I really don’t want to lose, you know

…Uh…

These goggles are my proof Given by a certain someone to me The precious thing he handed over It’s just like his Crest, you know Aren’t they cool?

…Well, that’s nowhere to be found.

This is the kind of song that might make you think “wait, this is supposed to be Daisuke’s representative song?!” (It’s possibly because of this that Daisuke’s song from The Bridge to Dreams, Tomorrow, generally tended to be far more favored among Daisuke fans, although it’s more relevant to 02 as a whole than it is to Daisuke in particular.) if you listen to Goggle Boy knowing about what Daisuke’s best qualities should be, this is almost a little frustrating, because this is the kind of thing he really shouldn’t be pigeonholed as – basically, begging for others’ approval and praise and focusing on idolizing others. Even his most insightful moments in this song come from his appreciation of something that came from someone else (Taichi), not from himself.

Well, the thing is, that was Daisuke’s character for most of the first half of 02. Of course, even in early episodes, there were many times where Daisuke’s potential for positivity and forward-thinkingness were starting to poke through, but most of the time he was rolling over trying to please others and chasing after his seniors. The real period of time he started to grow into his own about this was 02 episode 24 and its aftermath – when his time spent with his friends started to fill the void in his life and his need for validation, and the escalating situation, especially with Ken, led him to have a proper grasp of what was properly important and what needed to be done.

So when we get to his new solo, RUNNING MAN…

I’ll keep on running far ahead Let’s bring everyone along with me, today, too Really, always, thank you, Thank you so much Riding the wind, going past the sky Grasping your hands and flying I’m even starting to see beyond my dreams

Even in only one section, you can get an instant image of the Motomiya Daisuke we all know and love – someone who appreciates his friends’ role in his life, loves their company, and moves positively towards the future. Because, again, after the events of 02, and after being able to bond further with his friends and gaining his own strengths in leading everyone forward, he became able to more properly express his love for everything instead of constantly vying for others’ attention. Even the title reflects the change, from a “boy” who’s flashing the symbol of courage he got from someone else, to a “man” who’s positively running forward on his own merits.

(Interestingly, RUNNING MAN is composed by Ohta Michihiko, a legendary composer who’s made many of some of the most important songs in the franchise, and also composed many of the original Best Partner songs, including Goggle Boy. It’s interesting how RUNNING MAN is the one most like the original songs in atmosphere as a result – possibly representing how Daisuke is a simple-minded person who ostensibly doesn’t change drastically in disposition – yet has lyrical content that’s so starkly different.)

As a result, this is subtly reflected in the other two songs in each album as well – remember that V-mon is one of the partners who most “matches” his own partner in terms of disposition and mentality. So as Daisuke shifted his own priorities, V-mon did too; we go from Go Ahead! being about taking a stand and fighting, whereas Beyond the Future is about a similar forward-thinking mentality to Daisuke’s.

Likewise, the duets have different priorities as well; 2-TOP was composed of Daisuke and V-mon bickering for the most of it, and the most substantial point you could get about it was that despite their bickering, they made it work, whereas HEY-rasshai! has them almost entirely in sync (with one minor moment of deviance). It’s also interesting to see the topics covered in each; 2-TOP is about soccer, which ultimately is revealed to be a fairly incidental hobby for Daisuke, whereas HEY-rasshai! is about ramen making, which, while comical, also has a very strong tie to “Daisuke’s dream for the future, and his willingness to single-mindedly dedicate himself to something when it’s something he truly wants”. In other words, while Daisuke knew what he wanted since elementary school, it says a lot that he’s at a point where he and V-mon are now taking proactive steps to have that dream achieved, now that they’re able.

Ken and Wormmon

Like with his position in 02 itself, Ken’s is probably the easiest to see the contrast without trying too hard, but there’s still quite a lot to unpack!

When you think about it, in the modern era, it’s actually surprisingly hard to find stuff too relevant to Ken’s time as the Kaiser. The reason is, simply, that the series itself discourages this – Ken himself had an obvious aversion to dwelling too much on it, and the entire series itself has a strong theme of “moving on”. It’s not to say that the Kaiser doesn’t have a fanbase (I’m sorry if you’re reading this and find that I might be implying too hard that you don’t exist), but rather that there’s a franchise and fanart tendency to focus more on “Ken-chan” than “the Kaiser” these days, and old merch from the first half of the series will all too often get responses of “it’s really sad Ken-chan can’t be there…” Of course, 02 itself was also about accepting one’s mistakes, not pretending they never happened, so it’d be foolhardy to deny Ken’s dark history entirely, but it’s retroactively interesting to see such a prominent and persistent piece of merch like Ken and Wormmon’s original Best Partner album focus so largely on Ken’s time as the Kaiser when most of the franchise ended up trying to move on.

Starting with Ken’s solo songs, and his first one, ONLY ONE:

I’ve lived without showing my true feelings, wearing this mask

Well, this was easy to tell from the series itself, but the point driven home is that Ken didn’t want to expose his true self to others, putting on a front of “strength” and smashing his true feelings into the corner so that he could become more of the “perfect” person he thought he was supposed to be. There’s also another interesting line that one should pay attention to:

I polished the knife in my heart and put my belief in infinite power

Basically, putting up a defensive front to prevent anything from approaching his weaknesses.

Anyway, moving onto his new song, Never Ending:

If I want to be proud of tomorrow’s version of myself I wonder, what can I do? Never Give-up I’ll keep fighting, even doing someone else’s part No, I won’t be afraid anymore

First of all, the main theme of the song is about putting conscious thought into understanding how to stay true to himself – basically, understanding what it is he really wants to do and become, instead of putting on fronts and hiding it from others. Not only that, we see traces of what exactly he gained over the course of the second half of 02 – because so much of it involved constantly trying to blame himself for everything, this song is about what he came to learn in terms of proactively making it up and actively fighting forward. He’s working hard!

We also have this part:

The knife that’s pointed at someone, or at myself If it’s been let go of

Two things going on here: firstly, we have an explicit reference to the metaphorical “knife” Ken referred to putting up in ONLY ONE, talking about finally letting it go instead of bothering with this kind of front. He also points out that, in a sense, the knife was pointed at himself too, either in the sense of actually having hurt himself through this entire ideal, or in the sense that he constantly was trying to blame and punish himself for everything. None of that should be necessary anymore. Moreover, Never Ending contains a lot of references to “daily life” and the happiness that comes with the simplicity of just being alive – because that was indeed what Ken gained through his experiences, the ability to treasure living life in itself instead of aspiring to an impossible standard.

Another interesting thing about Never Ending is that it’s technically in a similar rock genre to ONLY ONE instead of being “soft”, like Ken’s personality is often thought to be. This was a surprise to a lot of people who commented on how surprisingly “cool” the song was, but this is actually completely in line with Ken arguably being one of the most openly assertive people in this group even after his reformation. Note that it’s very difficult to call this song purely angsty – it’s definitely positive and forward-thinking, and the chorus itself is partially in major key – but it has the vibe of someone who’s fully aware of everything that’s happened, is putting proper thought into it, and is pushing on despite everything. Remember, the intensity the Kaiser had originally came from somewhere; Ichijouji Ken is the same person, in the end.

In regards to Wormmon’s song, the contrast is also obvious: The Future You Dreamed of, the Future I Dreamed Of. is of course about Wormmon’s tormented feelings during the Kaiser’s abusive relationship with him, whereas can change it! is about its aftermath and how they made up (including copious references to the events of 02 episode 23). Even then, there’s a certain “forward-thinking” attitude that marks this song as being representative of being after 02’s events and not during – see the line “The mistake we made that day/is exactly the reason we’ll never let it happen again”, instead of the self-punishment and shame Stingmon expressed in 02 episode 26).

On top of that, the duet song Forever Adolescence also marks a subtle progression from the point they were at from True Strength – remembering that Best Partner 12 was released at a time when True Strength was actually a bit of a spoiler, while Ken and Wormmon obviously had made up by that point, the key line in it is still “everything truly begins from here”. So what, exactly, happened after that? According to Forever Adolescence, the decision made was to keep moving forward, and, moreover, to stay “the way they are”, especially with the nuance that it means it’s okay to not force oneself into the role of an adult and stay “young at heart”. This is really, really important in light of the events of Kizuna, the 02 group’s unusual role in it and its relevance to 02′s themes (more on this below), and how Spring 2003 referred to the pressure placed on Osamu as him being “forced to grow up too quickly” – in essence, Ken and Wormmon have firmly resolved to actively move away from that kind of pressure.

Miyako and Hawkmon

I’ve pointed out several times on this blog that the actual complex Miyako was going through in 02 was that she hated herself more than anyone else in the group would be willing to criticize her – and if you don’t believe me, it’s put in a pretty heavy-handed manner in her original song, Crash and Bingo!:

Fussing about it won’t get anything done But my selfishness and problems and panic keep coming out

…and even more viciously in her own and Hawkmon’s duet, Fly High:

I can’t do anything right, besides playing around with computers

or

Everyone would be still be fine if I weren’t there

If you thought it was subtle in the main series, it certainly isn’t here: Miyako considered herself good for absolutely nothing and unable to be accepted by others for being too useless – in these songs, despite Hawkmon’s attempts to uplift her, she criticizes her own messy tendencies and considers herself a burden. Best Partner is a positive series, so it still has the attitude of “we’ll try anyway”, but it’s clear that Miyako really didn’t have the highest opinion of herself at all. Hence, Fly High also shows off the worst of Hawkmon having to deal with the fallout – with Miyako flailing around in panic and considering herself good for nothing, he’s forced to carry her around.

But come Miyako’s new solo, From Spain with Love!, we see a huge contrast all over the place:

I, who have evolved into an adult make everyone do a double-take at me when I walk by!

Exhibit A: actual confidence in herself and ability to consider herself worth something;

If I can always, always be honest with myself Even if I don’t put together some program, even if I keep screwing up Ah, you understand me

Exhibit B: understanding that she’s worth something to others besides her utility abilities, and knowing that she has friends who’ll support her despite her flaws (which is very true);

When things are feeling hard, the first thing you should do is call me, okay? I’ll take the wings of love and purity, spread them, and get there as fast as I can Ah, I’ll open up any gate I need to

Exhibit C: indulging in her capacity for helping and supporting others;

Al mal tiempo, buena cara We laugh exactly when things are hard

Exhibit D: understanding the strength to get through hard times, instead of emotionally crumbling under the pressure.

Yep, that’s exactly what her character arc in 02 was about; 02 episode 31 was a huge turning point for her because, in the depths of her berating herself for her messiness and expecting Hikari to be secretly judging her the whole time, Hikari revealed that she was outright jealous of Miyako being able to speak her mind, and Miyako shortly after ended up showing her true capacity for reaching others who needed her help and supporting them, a role she ended up growing into for the rest of the series. Note that, other than the casual remark of confidence at the beginning, Miyako hasn’t necessarily become arrogant or anything – it’s just that, by focusing her energies into how much she loves everyone and turning her “nosiness” and “sticking herself into others’ business” tendencies into positive energy to help everyone, she gained more confidence in her ability to be loved and accepted by others.

This is reflected as well in her new duet with Hawkmon, where, instead of Hawkmon dragging her around everywhere, their differences and mismatched personalities are outright celebrated, and while Miyako still has awareness of her messy tendencies, she’s no longer letting it emotionally rip her apart and has confidence that Hawkmon can be by her side to help her through it. Perhaps reflecting that, Hawkmon himself goes from the over-the-top, dramatic, high-strung Knight of Love to the more calm and straightforward Gentle Tornado, perhaps because his own partner isn’t constantly bouncing off the walls recklessly nearly as much anymore.

Incidentally, it’s not like all of this is without nuance, either; even if Miyako’s become more of a confident person, she’s not all put-together. Considering that the entire song has her gushing about how she’d be willing to drop anything to go see her friends (which was pushed forward in Kizuna itself, what with her willingly taking the same request she’d refused to do earlier just because her friends were involved, and even inventing D-3 gate exploitation just to go see them), when you get to the end, and her gushing about her fun in Spain suddenly derails into reminiscing about the events of 02 episode 42, the implication is clear: for as much as she wants to be wholeheartedly enjoying this fun trip abroad for what it is, she can’t help but let her thoughts float back to memories and friends she cares about, and her bonus conversation with Hawkmon drives it in further that, ultimately, she dearly misses them too much.

Iori and Armadimon

Iori also went through some drastic changes in character over the course of 02, so when you look at My Conclusion, it’s basically Iori at his “worst” point of black-and-white morality:

Everyone, I will be speaking my conclusion Evil will not be tolerated Even evil in itself will be defeated by justice That will always be a certainty in the end

I mean, let’s even consider the fact that the song is called “My Conclusion” in the first place. Iori’s slamming this all down like this is the end-all of everything, and you can’t change his mind! He does briefly admit that there are certain things reason itself won’t change, but it’s more like he’s on the verge of having an out, because in the end, really…

Everyone, I will be speaking my conclusion Our enemies are beyond reason Again and again, to the very end They will certainly use cowardly means to come and attack us

Rationality. No feelings involved. Evil is evil, and justice is justice. No takebacks. Life exists by rules, and nothing else.

Message to the Future is possibly one of the most interesting songs in the original Best Partner collection, because it does actually provide hints about where Iori should be going in the future, and also has a lot of things that retroactively hit a lot harder from the meta perspective. The song fully fleshes out Iori’s feelings and concerns about how to grow up into a proper adult (which was hinted to be his real motivation as to why he was so strict with himself in 02), and that, most of all, what he wants is for his “feelings” to never change no matter what happens. Iori expresses concerns about how he might change as an adult to Armadimon, and Armadimon assures him that he’ll still be “Iori”, no matter what.

So, come the new character song collection, Iori’s new solo song is aptly titled “Things That Won’t Change” – because, in the end, despite everything that changed, his feelings did not. He says it himself: the important parts that he really wanted, the desire to do the right thing and to protect others, never changed a bit at all since “back then”. What did change, however, was his way of going about it.

Rather than what someone else has decided I’ve chosen my own future now

and again:

Rather than imitating someone else This is to shout out my own future

The emphasis on this being Iori’s own choice is important because Iori has finally decided not to live by strict rules imposed on him nor by imitating others (remember, part of the reason he kept doing what he did back in 02 was because he had such a strong belief “my father would have done this”). Others had been encouraging him to “make his own decisions” from the get-go – even Hida Chikara himself had told him that he was the one who needed to decide what to do in any moment in 02 episode 5 – and after dealing with a violation of his own morals in having to kill a Digimon in 02 episode 44, one episode later, in discussing with Takeru, Iori has to come to terms with the decision to continue fighting because “this is what I have decided myself”, because it’s not about whether he has an obligation to keep fighting for the sake of justice, but because he, himself, wants to protect others, and will do what it takes to do so. There’s no more of these strict rules of “because it must be this way” or the black-and-white morality that caused him to be so initially hostile towards Ken and Oikawa, but an understanding that these things need to be decided from the heart.

Moreover, unlike My Conclusion, Things That Won’t Change isn’t written like Iori’s turning in some school essay, but rather, more than half the song is in casual-form Japanese (which was associated with Iori when he became more emotional and wasn’t keeping himself in check anymore), and is more of a thoughtful reflection of his own feelings rather than trying to pass itself off as following rules because he must.

Thus, while the duet Choo Choo Tryin’ isn’t as heavy-handed as Message to the Future, Iori and Armadimon acknowledge that they need to be forward-thinking and keep going (generally tied to the message of 02 in itself), and Iori outright discusses the potential pitfalls of becoming too stiff. Furthermore, the song has copious rap portions, which seems rather unfitting for Iori on its face – until you realize that not only was Iori sometimes willing to indulge in more fun even back during 02 (just because he was strict with himself didn’t mean he was a complete killjoy), Iori’s also just a lot more flexible-minded in general, and has a penchant for wanting to do things right when he’s given a task. (His delivery of the rap in the song isn’t monotonous nor overly emotional, but has the nuance of someone who’s trying to recite all of it with caution.)

The part that’s particularly striking from the meta perspective is that Iori and Armadimon are no longer voiced by the same voice actress; Message to the Future was essentially Urawa Megumi talking to herself. So now, Iori has a new voice actor, and in many ways has become very different from Armadimon – but because Armadimon sounds a little like Iori, you could say he’s helping preserve the childish side of Iori that’s more important than ever to hold onto, especially since Iori himself worried about changing too much. And so, Iori’s still willing to indulge in a sort of “fun” song like this, and in the end, despite everything, you understand that they haven’t drifted apart at all in the slightest.

That’s not to say that Armadimon himself hasn’t changed either – in fact, he’s changed himself in response to how much Iori has. His original solo song had a lot of easygoingness to it, and some constant reminders for Iori to please, please chill – but his new one has a much stronger sense of resolve and forward-thinking attitude, reflecting that, while Iori himself technically had to learn to embrace more emotional uncertainty through the events of 02, it was also able to give him much stronger resolve that this was something he was doing because he was emotionally prepared for it, not out of some sense of moral obligation.

Takeru and Patamon

I’ve already covered Takeru’s original Best Partner song Focus and how it’s probably not about shipping as much as the fanbase tends to pin it as, but in any case, the operative part is here:

Before I knew it, I was watching over you Still standing at a skewed angle from behind The focus of your heart I wonder, is it on me, or… No, I can’t ask

Takeru couldn’t bring himself to ask sensitive questions or be straightforward about his emotions – which is basically what was Takeru’s lingering problem over Adventure and 02, that he kept swerving around or even lying about sensitive topics and holding everything inside, until one of his triggers was hit and everything exploded. Therefore, even when an important question about someone else comes up, he “can’t ask”. Moreover, for all Takeru is known as a lighthearted and kind person, Focus is a really turbulent song with a really harsh arrangement, and it’s a pretty accurate view of all the complicated and sometimes even negative emotions that Takeru was (badly) coping with over the course of 02.

This was the whole issue with Takeru and Iori’s Jogress arc in 02 episodes 34-36 – that Iori felt he couldn’t understand nor communicate well with Takeru, and had to eventually take matters into his own hands in order to properly understand his feelings. Takeru’s further interactions with Iori were significantly more straightforward for the rest of the series, and the experience also led to Takeru being able to more openly communicate with Ken as well, since the two had been on awkward speaking terms for most of the third quarter of the series.

So when we get to Step High Step…

You lament, you don’t have confidence in yourself I’m saying this to you as I’ve been watching you You’re amazing at all times

The song features Takeru being fairly straightforward about his feelings and opinions instead of just dodging it and going for an “everything’s okay” keeping-the-peace attitude, and not only that, he’s commenting on someone else, something that he probably would have refrained from in 02 for being intrusive. Of course, Takeru was always a nice person, but he wasn’t exactly straightforward about being nice back then – and yet here we are.

Since Focus is probably about his relationship with Patamon and how he kind of wasn’t exactly straightforward about his worries with him either (see 02 episode 34), it’s also interesting to compare Takeru and Patamon’s duet songs as well. Steppin’ out does portray a progression from Adventure in that they’ve accepted they can “do things over” again after things crash down (presumably referring to Angemon’s death and rebirth), but you’ll notice there isn’t much in the way of actual communciation between the two – something that’s not only present in Le Lien, but also portrays them as outright in-sync to the point of “telepathy”. We’re talking about a pair where the fanbase has historically had doubts about how similar they were back in 02 because of how “mismatched” they seemed!

Which, incidentally, they weren’t actually – you can see Patamon pretending he’s not about to cry in his original Best Partner song Don’t Stop Pata-Pata, much like how Takeru would cover up his own emotions, and gritting his teeth and resolving to fight harder. Meanwhile, while Ring of Smiles ostensibly continues to have Patamon be “sweet and cute”, it contains a lot of important nuances of “appreciating daily life with friends”, even if Patamon himself can’t quite find words for it – in other words, it’s actually some rather insightful and thoughtful sentiments from Patamon about the importance of being with and connecting with others, mirroring what Takeru himself learned in connecting with the others around him, especially Iori.

Hikari and Tailmon

Remember, Hikari has two lines (one in Adventure and one in 02) that basically summarize the main “issue” she was dealing with in both series: she was selfless to unhealthy levels, and would prioritize others’ welfare over herself to the point of self-destruction. So in her original solo Best Partner song, Gentle Rain, she puts it pretty explicitly:

I want to always be wearing nothing but smiles But I can’t be cheerful all of the time

or:

So that I can become a greater version of myself Please give me strength

All things considered, Gentle Rain is full of Hikari’s own insecurities, and her belief that she doesn’t have enough strength to do anything for herself. She makes references to being pulled to the Dark Ocean, mainly because – as she says – she doesn’t want to go there, but she doesn’t have enough strength or willpower to resist it. In fact, Best Partner 11 is full of a lot of angst; Gentle Rain is Hikari angsting about her own weakness and inability to do much for herself, Getting up is Tailmon angsting about her painful past and everything to do with it, and Shining Star is basically a plea for both of them to be able to do anything despite all the pain. It’s all pretty severely heavy content, despite the initial sparkly-looking sentiment of it all.

Considering the circumstances, it’s not really all that surprising. Hikari spent her time in Adventure and the first half of 02 very “emotionally isolated” from the others, to the point very few people could understand what she was thinking, and while she’d never hesitate to put herself out for other people, anything to do with herself, like getting pulled to the Dark Ocean, would result in resignation “it’s over” and “I can’t do anything about it”. Tailmon came from the background of being effectively raised by the abusive Vamdemon, so 02 was really only part of the earliest portion of her moving on with her life and being able to spend happier moments with Hikari. But, of course, the real turning point was 02 episode 31, when Miyako finally managed to break through to her and convince her to not accept the inevitability of things happening to herself, to accept help with the support of others, and to not take things happening to her as a sign she’s doomed.

So when we reach Hikari’s new solo song, Tomorrow’s Blue…

I want to chase after my dreams and hopes, it’s fine even if they’re incomplete I won’t lose, I won’t stop, I’ll do this to stay true to myself

The most striking thing about the song is that it features Hikari assertively talking about her own desires and feelings, when back in 02 she basically tried to kick them out of the picture for the sake of everyone else (and, really, even in Tailmon’s new solo song, Tender tale, she outright calls Hikari out for still prioritizing other people over herself). It’s not demeaning herself, it’s not resigning herself to anything, it may have a slight admission that she’s not super-confident about everything yet, but it’s still her looking forward and choosing to pursue what he wants. It’s a big deal!

And instead of the constant angst that permeated Best Partner 11, the new album is about Hikari and Tailmon talking about their feelings towards each other – something that neither of them really verbalized that well over either Adventure and 02 – and contextualizing their importance to each other over the course of their “story”. Hikari talks about Tailmon’s role of assertiveness in helping her break out of her shell, and Tailmon generally provides an extremely accurate description of Hikari in a nutshell – that she’s a bit mysterious, that she’s emotionally sensitive, that she’s cheerful and lifts others’ spirits. What’s more, Tailmon makes a reference to the same kind of “pain” and “losing things” she referred to in Getting up, but instead of angsting about it, she positively accepts it as something that may happen in the process of protecting others. (Oh, and it and the new duet A Tale of the Light also make reference to Hikari’s photography hobby in 02, contextualizing it as something Hikari did to chronicle their precious memories.)

So in summary, Hikari and Tailmon have both been able to accept 02′s philosophy of becoming forward-thinking, positive, and accepting the help of others in order to move forward. Not bad!

Conclusion and digression

Despite how these songs are almost polar opposite in portraying their before-and-after development of the 02 kids, nobody’s really argued that any of them are out of character! In the end, it’s a pretty succinct depiction of what these kids were dealing with and what they grew into by the end of the series. Seriously, I never, ever want to hear that these kids were underdeveloped nor that they didn’t go through any significant development over the course of 02 ever again. That’s just not true at all, and this simply happens to be one of the many illustrations of how.

Moreover, the songs themselves and the “conversations” that came with the new albums solidify firmly that the 02 group has extremely tight relations with their partners even at this time – with Daisuke actively consulting V-mon for help, Miyako, Takeru, and Hikari actively dragging their partners everywhere with them, Ken having Wormmon be his effective alarm clock, and Iori being so close with Armadimon that his Nagoya dialect is rubbing off on him. Daisuke, Miyako and Hikari have a huge point made that, regardless of the rather easygoing way they’re going at it, they’re very aware of what they want to do from this point out and are following it with gusto (and while it’s not stated in words, Iori carrying a huge textbook, presumably a law one, with note markers all over it drives the point home that this applies to him, too). It’s a really, really huge contrast to what was going on with the directionless Taichi, Yamato, and Sora effectively neglecting their own partners back in Kizuna – and further reinforces the reason the 02 group was in such an unusually favorable position during the movie.

[euronymous-files]

translated from Norwegian

"He came into my life at a time when I had just started listening to extreme and loud music. I sat at home in Råde and listened to local radio from Oslo. [...]

Frode Øien had a program where he invited the then unknown band Mayhem to visit because they had recorded a new demo tape. They were just incredibly mysterious and used pseudonyms and stuff, and I mean remember they took over the whole radio broadcast. To me, it sounded like Frode was set aside as host and the band took over for a couple of hours. It was absolutely magical. They played their own music, but not least they played lots of other things that were completely unknown, Hellhammer, Bathory, lots of early black metal and other extreme things. They obviously had great insight into what was going on and were by definition the only Norwegian band that existed in all these genres at once. They were the starting point for everything you could call extreme metal. It all starts with Mayhem."

Anders tells of how he became "insanely fascinated". [...] “The following week, a guy who was a competition winner appeared and said he was the brother of someone in the band. His name was Aarseth, and that led to me simply browsing the telephone directory, and I found only one Aarseth family in Ski. I took the chance and called and hit right on Øystein. That conversation must have lasted an hour or two. He met someone who was open to the same things as him, and then he was like a wandering library and very enthusiastic. His fervent commitment was something you felt right away, something he literally lived for. He gave my whole musical approach a kind of passion I had never experienced before.” To the young Anders, four years older Øystein Aarseth appeared as a kind of natural messenger of all the new things that were about to happen, and he swallowed everything he was told. He took in all the tips Øystein shared and received a lot of music that engulfed him, first from Øystein, then also from other bands.

"In the 80's it was not so common to have contact with people in other countries. If it were not unknown, getting to know people abroad was much more difficult than it is today. The only method was letter writing, and this whole underground scene was very much based on that. We wrote to each other and attached leaflets and fanzines and other things. You picked up the things you had on tape and changed the recording. Øystein introduced all this to me. I also went to practice with Mayhem. Back then I was 13 and a half years old, and got a first-hand impression of how the music sounded in your face in the rehearsal room. It made me completely obsessed that I should also start such a band. I had finally found my thing. This was very early in the development of black metal. We who came in right away make up a small but significant group of people. Among those I became acquainted with at that time are or were virtually all members of the most famous and prominent bands. Øystein had an incredibly central role as a source of inspiration and door opener for how to engage with music on the side of the industry, to be independent, in your own world."

Were there other aspects of him than the purely musical that inspired you? The energy, the courage, the talent? "What I took to myself very early was to sacrifice everything for this here. If you wanted to get somewhere with the music, you had to choose it over all other possible leisure activities and side tracks you could end up on, to only care about this music and abandon absolutely everything else. This was something he introduced as an opportunity. Many people did sports and had boyfriend projects and all sorts of things, social things that take a lot of time and resources, but here it was an alternative race to unfold in which I really took to. I had lived in a block and terraced house environment until I was ten years old and moved to a farm. I went from a life where people rang the doorbell all the time to being socially isolated. Now I got a platform that made it possible to break out."

Were you and Øystein friends or is there another way to describe their relationship? "I was a fanboy in the beginning. He got really mad when I copied everything he did. Then he was clear that this is not the way to do it. He was very careful about it. I was very young, and I was looking for band members myself in Fredrikstad and Østfold. When I started Cadaver, there was more mutual respect and a more collegial friendship. Things slipped a bit for him in '92 -'93. In the summer of '93, a few months before he died, he was very much looking for old friends. It was clear that he had been going through a period with a lot of focus on other things, but now he was looking up old friends to play the new Mayhem things that he had been working on for so long. I was with him several times during this time and felt that we had a friendship that was more mature. I had my band, had released an album and been on tour, and now Øystein was finally facing a breakthrough with the album he had talked about releasing for six or seven years. That he was killed became even more sad because of it. He knew he had made something very significant and very good, but never saw it come out."

[...]

"I was in a way close to the events", Anders says. "I also knew Pelle and was several times in the house where they lived in Kråkstad. When such things happen, you are shocked and think about what you could have done differently. But that Øystein did as he did was probably most related to his penchant for myth-making and image-building. He took it too far of course, but his way of thinking about things was that everything could be used for what it is worth in a PR context. I think it would have been perfectly fine if not everything that happened, it would not have made any difference. I remember hearing about him doing it, but not thinking much about it. He probably had an idea that this was so extreme that he had to do something about it. That might say something about how he liked to see things from above. He did not consider himself a direct part of it and did not see that there was anything wrong with it. I think he saw it in a kind of bird's eye view, but it's very difficult to say."

Where do you think Øystein would have been today if he had not been killed? "It's an exciting thing. We who knew him wonder if he had not grown tired of having to move closer to the regular music industry. In a way, he was a bit about to do it himself with his label, and also realized he could not run distribution on his own. I was part of his distribution. It worked so that he sent ten copies of a record to everyone he knew and trusted. All sold nine and sent money to him, and were allowed to keep one themselves. Those records are probably worth 10,000 kroner today. He signed several bands at the end, and the same day he died, Enslaved signed a contract with him. He had other things going on too, so I'm not sure where he ended up." "However, there was a lot going on around him that could have had an unfortunate effect", Anders believes. If he had not been killed by Varg Vikernes, or "The Count", it would probably have been rolled up that he was nearby when Holmenkollen chapel burned. "I do not know if he had been able to sit in jail. He was probably tougher in words than in reality. But what is mainly wrong with the myth of black metal and Øystein was that he created something with knowledge and will to succeed, as it was afterwards. It was rather the opposite. His ideas were to have this as a non-commercial business. You should deserve to hear this music. Being a listener in itself required a number of criteria. If it was up to him, as he told it, the whole scene would be a kind of lodge, and if you were first inside you would hear what others did not hear. But it was going to go away anyway, because it got too big." "Then he did not experience the internet, but it would have been something for him. Because he had so many extreme political ideas, the internet as it has been very much appealed to him. For example, he would be amazed at how widespread conspiracy theories have become. He was interested in extreme political directions, in Pol Pot and communism. I think he too had ended up in a more experimental musical direction. He was an extremist in everything he did and did it full on, and he probably still wanted to hunt for more and more extreme expressions."

[...] What is the best thing Øystein did? " "Freezing Moon". What I find very musically exciting is that it contains so few notes. The atonal and asymmetrical in the arrangement gives an introduction to something completely different than rock. It's the atmospheric, and the movements as we call it, and the riffs that are there. Øystein was concerned with throwing everything away and starting all over again, and it was such a song. It will always be a pillar in the Mayhem catalog and in the development of black metal."

read the full interview (in Norwegian) here

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Partners {6}***

OA Zidan/Zeeko Zaki x Reader

Warning: Cursing, Fluff, Angst, Talk of Sex Trafficking, Plot, NSFW, SMUT, 

ALL STARS on The NSFW Meter, DO NOT READ AT WORK

Words: 7k

Summary: You’re a damn good FBI agent in your own right. It is definitely partly to do with how well you’ve been trained and partly to do with you not letting anything or anyone distract you. You have a six-year plan that you’re fast-tracking for four. After being transferred from your office in Tampa, you’ve been sent to New York, which you’ve labeled the “big leagues.” Your first day there, after being introduced to your new partner OA Zidan you realized you’ve moved out of the frying pan right into the pot of distraction. A year later and your growing attraction for your partner still hasn’t been snuffed out.

Note: This is a first for me writing about a TV show and interjecting into it. Let’s see how this goes. I hope you guys enjoy this. As always, thank you for reading. 

If you enjoyed this please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Interactive***

Previous Chapters: 1  |  2   |  3  |  4  |  5 |

~~~~~~~~~~~

His hand gripped the nape of your neck and squeezed. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt you, but it was just enough for you to clench around him as a new gush of wetness eased his glide. Every time OA’s hips slapped against your ass, his grip would tighten then loosen as he retreated to repeat the action again and again. He knew what he was doing. This new status of your relationship was new, but he’d been paying attention to every single cue your body gave to tell him what you liked, didn’t like, and what drove you insane. When he slammed forward and rotated his hips, your reflex was to lurch forward away from him.

 “Fuck,” you forcefully whispered.

 “Did I hurt you?” His voice was filled with concern as he began to pull out. Gripping around him, you kept him where he was.

 “No, just--.”

 OA bent over your back, pressing his chest onto you before he kissed your ear.

“Can’t take it?”

 His voice was so damn deep and seductive. Your belly did backflips as you turned your face to the side to look at him.

 “You tell me. I thought I was taking it very well,” you countered. OA’s smile was wide before he pressed his lips to yours to passionately kiss you. Just as t, you were getting into it, he pulled his lips from you and kissed a trail down your spine.

Deciding to tease him, you winded your hips against him, eliciting a satisfied “ah” from him. Peeping back at him, he had his head dropped back with his eyes closed, enjoying the sensations your movement gave him. Slowly you began to move back and forth. You knew he was close. You’d paid close attention to the cues his body gave too. The veins bulging in his neck said he was really close. You sped up and forcefully crashed your ass onto him. It quickly turned into you chasing your release while trying to please him. 

OA’s grip on your hips tightened, and you knew what was coming. He quickly pumped into you, sending goosebumps across your skin. Your moans got louder, and soon, you were calling his name louder and louder until your release took over. OA groaned and slammed into you with four staggered thrusts. That was when your knees gave out. OA dropped back onto the bed, taking you with him to cuddle up to your back.

“To think we almost missed out on this,” OA said before he kissed your shoulder blade.

 You let his words sink in as you snuggled closer. You couldn’t get close enough.

 “Was there a time when you almost--,” you paused, trying to find the word.

 “Pushed you into an office or an alley and kissed you?”

 You snorted. “I guess.”

 “There were a few times. Do you remember the hostage case? We got the perp in integration, and you took the lead, I remember watching in the other room and the way you got into his head and flipped every single notion he had and reason he had to protect the other guy had my jaw dropped. Then when he sang like a canary, I couldn’t believe it. I went in after they’d taken him, and I was so close,” OA confessed.

 “What stopped you?”

 “The cameras.”

 You busted out laughing with him joining in. Slowly it dawned on you what your reality was, and you got silent.

 “Are you thinking about it?”

 “About what?”

 “You know what,” OA pressed as he kissed your neck.

 He smelled so good you doubted you’d ever want to be too far from him. Even that thought had you rolling your eyes.

 “Thinking about the fact that this is against every rule? Or thinking about the fact that if anyone finds out about this, then there will be consequences? Or thinking about--.”

 OA rolled on top of you and pressed your hands above your head, stopping your words.

 “I don’t care about the rules or the consequences.”

 You didn’t know how he could even say that. He’d worked his ass off to get where he was today. He’d put up with an incredible amount of shit to be the agent he was. How could he be so ready for it to be for nothing? The way he stared at you said he saw the panic in you. Biting your bottom lip, you pushed against his hands, finding little to no resistance. You cupped his bearded jaw and brought his head to you and kissed him.

 You got enveloped in the kiss and rolled onto him. You decided to focus on here and now with him. You wanted to enjoy him fully without any nagging thoughts of what reality held for you come Monday morning or even beyond. Neither of you was going to put voice to the things you knew about the dangers of you getting entangled.

 You awoke to the soft sound of a sitar and the aroma of cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom, and other spices that screamed comfort. As you stretched, you noted how sore your muscles were. You climbed out of bed and threw on your robe then walked toward the music. You had no idea what time it was, but it was still light outside. When you rounded the corner, there was OA in your kitchen in nothing but his boxer-briefs cooking up a storm.

 It was a beautiful sight, one you were not accustomed to. He was the first man to grace your apartment, let alone your kitchen and bed. Slowly you let your eyes drink in every inch of his beautiful skin. He was perfect. You got lost in your thoughts and gawking over him that you didn’t realize he’d turned around and was doing some gawking of his own. OA cleared his throat loudly, bringing your eyes to his.

 “Yeah, you’ve been caught.”

 Embarrassment filled you as you covered your face. “No, don’t hide. Own what a pervert you are.”

 You laughed loudly, then glared at him.

 “Come on, the price for voyeurism is a dance.”

 “Oh no, I can’t dance to this,” you protested.

 “Lies. Remember when we all went to that Egyptian place, and everyone had a turn with dancing?”

 You slapped yourself in the head because you did remember. You had the guts to get up and dance that night.

 “You held your own. I remember those moves. Come on,” OA coaxed.

 Rolling your eyes because you knew he would never let it go, you walked to him and took his outstretched hands then began moving your hips to the beat the best you could. As soon as you found your rhythm, the music picked up, and OA was leading you around the kitchen in a traditional and modern mix of an Egyptian dance. In no time, you got into it and tapped into your inner belly dancer. When OA pulled up behind you, you rolled your hips then circled them before you jerked them to the beat. The two of you dance around the kitchen together, having a great time. The song was a really good one; you couldn’t lie.

 By the end of it, you and OA were laughing together while he hugged you to him.

 “See, you’d fit right in. my aunts would love you.”

 That sounded serious. Your eyes met, and both of you realized it then. He kissed your nose, then your forehead enhancing the intensity of the moment.

 “It smells incredible. What’re you making?”

 “Mm, lunch, kofta, or meat on a stick it’s a beef kabab, a red lentil soup, and Aish Baladi, which is a flatbread,” OA listed.

 “Wow. You cooked all of this?”

 “Yes. I can cook.”

 “Wow. I had no idea. I thought in your culture it was all about finding a beautiful wife who could make all of this for you,” you teased. His adorable dimples broke out.

 “Yeah. If you ask my umi, then yes, that is what a textbook good wife would be able to do. If you ask me, though, I’d like to spoil my woman.” He kissed your cheek and carried a trail to your neck.

 “Oh, I bet you would.” a giggle escaped you as he nibbled your skin.                                    

 “Come on, gorgeous, let me feed you,” OA said as he walked away but not before he dropped a slap to your ass.

 He gathered plates and utensils as you pried even more into the pots curiosity getting the better of you. When OA realized it, he ushered you away from the pots and put the dishes in your hands, prompting you to set the table that was in the kitchen by the window. For the next few minutes, you worked in silence, him finishing the details on lunch and you making the table presentable. It all felt so domestic and normal like it wasn’t strange that the two of you had just fallen into this situation. It felt like you’d been doing this the entire year.

 OA served you filling your plate with kofta and Aish Baladi before he filled your soup bowl with lentil soup. The scents melded together so nicely that you could not wait to taste his handiwork.

 “I’m so hungry.”

 “I bet. What else do you expect after having sex on every inch of this place?”

 Your jaw dropped at the call out. “It takes two to tango, thank you very much,” you countered. OA smiled widely. When he sat, you went for your utensils but stopped.

 “We say prayer right?”

 OA smiled, showcasing those enviable dimples again. “Ideally.”

 “Okay, come on. Show me.”

 You watched what he did and mirrored him exactly. With his hands held out palms up, he closed his eyes and said a quick prayer in Arabic that you did your best to repeat the look on his face said he was impressed. Once he was finished, you waited for him to continue. The way he looked at you had you ready to blush.

 “After you,” he insisted. You took up your kofta and bit into it, moaning as the spices hit your taste buds.

 “My goodness, this is really good.”

 “My mother’s recipe.”

 The two of you ate and joked together like you’d done this every since day since you’d met. He told you more about his family, which included his headstrong sisters, who he worried most about constantly. As he spoke about them, you could see how much he loved them and his entire family. Your mother told you that if you were going to settle down with anyone, make sure they loved their family above everything else. It was clear he loved them this much. He asked about your family, and you told him, finding it easier to open up to him now than it had been any time before.

 It was as if you thought if he didn’t know too much about you, it would keep him at a distance. Like the line would somehow be crossed if you told him about your childhood and your friends back in Miami. It was ridiculous thinking about it now, especially since you’d jumped over that line in a way that could not be ignored. You liked this side of him. He looked perfect, sitting shirtless, eating his childhood favorites, and talking about the things that made him happy. Listening to him made you happy.

 When both of you’d stuffed your bellies to damn near capacity, you found yourselves in the bathtub making out like a couple of horny teenagers who’d just discovered sex. When kissing got too hot, and both of you became too flustered, OA would showcase just how good he was with his hands. He massaged every inch of you, dissolving every knot in your body. With your back to his chest and you seated between his legs, he kissed your skin and whispered nothing but the sweetest words that a girl could easily get used to.

After a bath, you sat in the living room with the intention of watching something on TV. Those intentions quickly changed. Neither of you could keep your hands off of each other. Neither of you could go longer than five minutes without giggling or making some form of contact, whether it being eye, or physical. You felt like a schoolgirl who was head over heels with the popular guy in school that was showing her she meant the world to him.

 For the tenth time you tried to focus on the TV and not his scent that refused to stay on his side of the couch or the sight of his colossal thighs spread next to you. his lap looked like the perfect seat and his face like the only throne you’d ever need.

 “Fuck it,” OA grunted before he pounced you, to your delight.

 In seconds you both were naked yet again with your arms wrapped around his neck, and his lips fastened to yours. He kissed you with meaning like you were the beginning and the end for him. You matched him emotion for emotion, desperation for desperation. You were practically obsessed with the way he tasted, and it hadn’t even been seventy-two hours yet. As he kissed you, your hand slowly trailed down his chest and torso, pressing every slope and dip to memory. If temptation and hedonism were a person, he would be it. In a matter of minutes, OA was nestled snugly in your heat, completely filling and stretching you.

 His slow and deep thrusts brought goosebumps to your skin and sucked the oxygen right out of your lungs. The soft music in the background set the perfect tone for the sultry transference you were engaged in.

 “I don’t think I can ever get enough of you,” OA groaned out as he thrust into you at the most torturous speed. You felt every single inch of him as he stretched you.

 “Ever?”

 “Ever. Uuugh, jeez!” OA rotated his hips, making you moan loudly as your back arched off the couch.

 “Mmm, you drive me crazy, you know that,” OA panted before thrusting forward again stroking that part of you that instantly sparked your body to come alive in a hyperactive state of arousal, making you again arch your back. You reached out needing to touch him in some way, but with one of his hands, OA grabbed yours and pinned them to the back of the couch, trapping you.

 You didn’t know how it was possible, but that one action made you want him even more than you already did. His thrust stayed at the same pace. He languidly stroked into you softly, commanding your body to do whatever he wanted. If he wanted it to overheat, all he had to do was rotate his hips to touch spots in you that you didn’t even know you had. If he wanted to steal your breath and have your soul leave your body, all he had to do was fill you to the hilt. The man knew what he was doing, and it showed in everything he did. His kisses were not kisses of an amateur. They were kisses of a grown man, a man who knew how to listen to and follow the cues of a woman’s body.

Every time you tried to move from his grip, OA stopped and waited for you to settle down. When you refused, you’d stare into his eyes, trying to convince him to let you go or speed up, but OA was in no mood to listen. His one goal seemed to be to drive you insane. OA stared down at you with his bottom lip hooked in his mouth and intense eyes penetrating you so profoundly you were sure he could see the contents of your soul. He retreated, leaving just a just the tip of his intrusion. You bucked against him, trying to get the friction you needed.

 OA used his free hand to hold your waist, stopping your feeble attempts to use his body for your own pleasure, then stroke full speed ahead, sending your breasts jerking. Your gasp was loud, and the clench around him tight, so tight his groan was long. Using his weakened state against him, you pushed him to the side, flipping him to the couch. Before he regained control, you straddled, putting him right where you wanted him. You pressed your hands on his chest for brace as your body rolled through the pleasure.

 “Not so strong now, huh?”

 OA smiled through his pleasure, then licked his lips, tempting you more. “You found my weakness and took advantage,” he teased.

 “And what weakness is that Special Agent Zidan?” You slowly rolled your hips and fought the urge to moan. He felt so good.

 OA’s hands gently gripped your waist when you began taking control of his pleasure. What began as slow rolls of your hips turned into energetic circles that had no reason to them but to make him shout your name. Every so often, you slowed it down, never allowing him to predict your next move. With every roll and buck of your hips, OA’s jaw dropped more and more while his eyes rolled back further and further.

 When you began bouncing on him, his curses began, but they remain strangled in his throat.

 “I can’t hear you,” you teased, speeding up your bounce. Every time you dropped back onto him, you forcefully did it hard enough that a shiver rushed through you. OA’s hands moved from your waist to your hips to hold you. As soon as they squeezed, you stopped.

 “Uugh, please don’t stop.”

 “Keep your hands on the back of that couch, or I will leave you to finish this yourself,” you warned.

 The look in his eyes screamed defiance, while the smirk on his lips said he liked this side of you. As he bit his bottom lip, he slowly removed his hands to grip the back of the couch. The way the cushion sunk underneath the pressure of his hand said he was holding it dangerously tight, showing you just how close he was to flipping you back over to show you just who was stronger.

 OA slid his body a little lower, so his back was angled and neck tilted downward.

 “Such a good boy,” you coaxed with a cocky smile as you began to bounce on him again only this time, starting from the beginning with slow teasing swirls of your hips. After circles, you rolled them in a figure eight; after that, you combined the two until you gradually sped up.

 You loved the sounds he made. He was not shy about letting you know just how good you were making him feel. Every change you made, his back arched. Every time you clenched around him, his grip tightened, sending all the veins in his arms bulging.

 “What is your weakness, Omar?”

 The clench in his jaw said he liked the way you said his name. In truth, you liked the way it felt. Swirling your hips against him, you expected him to cave—he did not.

 “Won’t tell me?”

 OA bit his bottom lip and dropped his head back, giving you perfect access to his neck. Hovering over his chest, you licked across his Adam’s apple along his skin, collecting the droplets of sweat that littered his skin. Once at his neck, you bit the flesh and sucked it into your mouth. OA groaned again before he brought his head back down to capture your lips and claim them as his. From the beginning, the kiss was erotic and blazing hot. Your tongues danced together; when yours twisted around his, he sucked on yours controlling who had the power. You’d always suspected he was a tease, and he was showing you just how much of one he was. His kisses did what they always did, made you dizzy, and distracted, making you almost forget what you were trying to do—almost.

 You quickly pulled away from him and went to his ear. “Nice try. My interrogation practices are undefeated,” you whispered before you gently nibbled his ear. You intended to slip away, but OA was quicker. He pulled you to him and kissed you stupid, stepping his game all the way up. You were so open for him that you didn’t care who took control.

 “You forget who I am,” OA gruffly spoke with your faces mere centimeters from each other.

 “And you seem to not know who I am,” you countered, clenching around him again. OA sucked in a sharp breath as his eyebrows knitted together. “Put them back,” you ordered drunk off the power you possessed. You knew if he genuinely wanted to, he could have flipped you onto the couch and had you screaming “fuck me” in the six languages you were conversational in.

 OA groaned but didn’t obey right away; instead, he nudged his hips up, thrusting into you to remind you just how good he could make you feel. One thrust was more than tempting enough to give in, but you didn’t become who you were by caving at the first sign of pressure. OA’s smile was playful as he put his hands back onto the back of the couch.

 Fully drunk off of the power you held, you got lost in the music playing and teased him mercilessly. OA’s eyes never left you and your body. He watched you as if you were the best show he’d ever seen. You knew what he wanted without him saying a word. When he wanted you to go fast, you went slower. When his eyes pleaded with you to bounce, you bucked. After a few minutes, he looked to be on the verge of taking what he wanted to hell with you giving it. You didn’t know if you were more excited at that prospect or afraid. As you sped, you locked eyes with him.

 “What’s your weakness?”

 He was close to cracking, you could tell, but instead of telling you, he remained silent. You braced your hands on his torso and wildly rode him determined to make him speak. OA’s moans tumbled from him one after the other. The setting sun shone through the window and bathed your skin in its glow, highlighting the sweat that decorated your bodies. Your own orgasm was quickly creeping up on you, and you weren’t sure who would crack first. Once you thought it, OA slid further down the couch until it was just his back on the seat, and that was when his hips rose to meet you in one quick thrust.

 His thrust came one after the other until he was pummeling into you. As you panted, the whine in your voice got louder and louder until you were damn near breathless. With one hand, OA gripped your hip steadying you so he controlled your body and controlled just how deeply he delivered your pounding. His other hand sank into the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling your head back just enough to tell you that you were at his mercy now.

 Any control either of you possessed before was gone. Both of you were moaning and grunting at the top of your lungs, not caring who heard or who had a problem with how loud you were. The pleasure you felt was all-consuming and maddening all at the same time. You frantically chased your release just as fiercely as OA chased his.

 “You!” OA’s shout was sudden. “You’re my weakness, Y/N. You make me weak,” he confessed in a rush.

 No words had ever held more power than those from him to you. You bucked against him in no coherent fashion, as if you were riding a mechanical bull. He met your movements with his own penetrating thrusts, which only propelled you more forcefully into the orgasmic cloud that was so close to you.

 Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

 Ignoring the faint sound, you remained in the bubble of sensual pleasure the two of you were wrapped in. The knocking persisted and even got louder. Soon it was too loud to ignore; your body fell out of sync with his, and your movements staggered and clashed with his. OA’s frustration was evident with his loud grunt.

 “Hold that thought,” you panted out, trying to catch your breath. You stood sliding off of his length. Glistening, it bobbed in the air between you, distracting you. OA brought his hand to it and slowly stroked himself.

 “This thought?”

 You smiled and fell for the trap. You slid back onto him, throwing your head back, relishing in the complicated mix of pleasure and a dull ache that only he could produce.  You rocked back and forth several times, forgetting the knocks and ringing of the doorbell. You tried to focus only on him, and just when both of you were finding your synchronized stride, the doorbell obnoxiously rang back to back.

 “Fuck!”

 OA’s frustration over the interruption had you giggling. He shot you a warning look.

 “I guarantee you won’t be laughing in a little while,” he promised before he pumped up into you, making you whimper. He didn’t stop with one stroke; he did it again and again. Just when you were going to hover over him, another knock came from the door.

 Knock, knock, knock, knock.

 Both you and OA kissed your teeth in annoyance. Sighing, you stood from him and swung your leg over him, ready to find your robe. When you bent to retrieve it, OA dropped a heavy-handed slap to your ass, which had you biting your bottom lip ready to leave whoever was at the door there for however long it took for you to get yours.

 “Get rid of em’—quick,” OA instructed.

 You smirked, “Oh, have plans, huh?”

 With a smirk of his own, he nodded, “A few and they involve several of your body parts.”

 You gasped and pressed your hand to your chest. “Agent Zidan!”

 OA smiled and watched you tie the robe around you before you walked from him down the hall to the door. Forgetting to look at the video feed of your front door, you opened it with a lazy smile to see Kristen.

 “Kristen!”

 Like cold water, your sex induced haze dissipated, leaving you wide-eyed.

 “I’ve been knocking and ringing for like three minutes. What’re you doing in there?”

 You pulled the door closer behind you blocking her view. “What’s happening?”

 “Nothing. What’s up?” You tied to look as calm as possible. “Why’re you here?”

 Kristen studied you for a few moments, then looked to your attire, and her face lit up. “Do you have a guy in there?”

 “What? No. It’s nothing. I was—resting,” you lied.

 “With the screams and shouts, I heard that’s doubtful.”

 You pinched your lips and tried to remain collected to not give anything away.

 “What’s going on?”

 “I’ve been trying to get in touch. Did you hear OA is okay?”

 “Yeah. I saw the message briefly before I fell asleep. I’ve been trying to catch up on some sleep,” you expertly lied.

 “Well, everyone’s been called to assemble at the JOC. We couldn’t reach you or OA for that matter. I said I’d come by and grab you,” Kristen informed.

 “Wow, I haven’t heard from him. He’s gotta be resting after what he’s been through.”

 Kristen nodded, accepting your guesses.

 “Yeah. So do you wanna change?”

 You grabbed the collar of the robe and nodded. “Yeah. I’m gonna grab a shower too. I’ll meet you at HQ,” you said.

 “Sounds good. You should hurry, it’s Sunday, and it sounded urgent,” Kirsten finished.

 “Got it! Thanks, Kristen.”

 You smiled at her as she began walking away. You wanted to make sure she was actually leaving. When you were sure, you walked back into your apartment and locked the door. When you walked back into the living room, the first sight of OA still laying there with his member still out and so damn inviting had you forgetting Kristen’s words.

 “You and I have very different definitions of quick,” OA teased. “Come here.” He stroked himself a few times, reigniting the flame within you that the impromptu visit had doused.

 “God, you look so tempting.”

 “Let me tempt you then,” OA coaxed. You whined and watched him stand and walk to you. Once before you, he easily lifted you into his arms. You wrapped your legs around his waist and moaned when you felt his giant hands grip your ass to hold you onto him.

 “We gotta go, that was Kristen, we’ve been summoned,” you informed. OA didn’t look phased.

 “They can wait a little longer,” he whispered before he sheathed himself in your soaping core.

 Both of you released a satisfied sigh as if there was nowhere in the world, either of you would rather be. OA took the lead and moved your body as he wished. He began slowly stroking into you, using his lower half as a wave reaching depths inside of you that had you whimpering as you held him to you. When you whimpered, he mewled. When you clenched around him, he slammed into you, holding you steady so you felt every inch of him.

 It didn’t take long for either of you to be at the precipice of your undoing. You felt the wall at your back, and that was when OA hammered into you with the speed of a roadrunner. In seconds you shouted out as your orgasm overtook you and pulled you so deep in the sea of gratifying pleasure that you didn’t care if you drowned in it. Long minutes passed with both of trying to catch your breath and regain your strength. Once you did, OA brought you both to the shower, where you washed each other, trying your best not to get lost in each other yet again.

 After a shower, OA dressed and reluctantly left you. It took him several attempts to get through the door, thanks to his sticky fingers trying to get you back into the bed or on the couch or even against the wall. His will was strong, and you were finding you were so corruptible when it came to him. Once he was gone, it took you some time to come down from the thirteenth cloud you were on.  You kept replaying the last near forty-eight hours and everything that happened and all that you felt. Needless to say, it was challenging to get your head out of the clouds and back into professional mode.

By the time you made it to the JOC, it was almost an hour and a half since Kristen had stopped by. You did your best to hammer into your head to act as if everything was the same, and nothing had changed. When you walked into the office, you politely smiled at everyone and greeted them as you made it to your desk.

 “Y/N, wonderful you were able to join us,” Isobel shouted out, acknowledging your presence. “Any idea where OA is?”

 “No, no clue.”

 “Here, here, sorry. I’m here,” OA called out as he pushed through everyone to show his face. You kept your eyes forward, not confident you could keep the smile off your face.

 “Glad that you’re feeling well enough to join us, OA,” Isobel began. “Are you sure you don’t need more time to rest and recuperate?”

 “No. I’m feeling better than ever. Saturday was just what I needed.” OA replied.

 You couldn’t help but smirk then. Pressing your lips together, you tried to stop the giggle that threatened to escape. You peeped over to him to see he was also smirking.

 “All right. Great work with that bomb, OA. Next time you’re feeling like being the hero, don’t we’d rather have you here with us than watching over us from the great beyond,” Jubal said. You glanced at OA and gave him a stubborn look that was a warning for the next time he wanted to be an idiot. OA smiled and nodded.

 Jubal walked to the front of the JOC, where all the screens were signaling he wanted everyone’s attention. “So normally we don’t do Sundays, but this is urgent. New Dawn Bringers, otherwise known as NDB, have been found to have a connection with a serious trafficking cult that the FBI has been trying to lock down, The Rose Vortex. SVU has been running an operation. They have one of their own inside as we speak,” Jubal informed. He walked to a computer and tapped Ian on the shoulder who brought visuals on the screens before you.

 “As of twelve hours ago, she’s gone quiet. We’ve also heard chatter that leadership in NDB is coming to town, and that means they need to be entertained. We have the big bosses, and we want them all,” Jubal finished.

 “Okay, sounds good. What’s our play?” Jubal pointed at Kristen, acknowledging her question.

 “We have an inside man who says they are getting a new shipment of eh-em, women,” Jubal added.

 “What’s our in?”

 Isobel and Jubal looked at each other with your question. After looking at them for a few seconds, your alarm slowly rose.

 “Uh, why are you guys looking at me?”

 Isobel cleared her throat and stood from her partially seated position. “You’re our in,” she announced.

 OA sat up in his seat. “How?” You caught the controlling tone in his voice.

 “I’ve read your file, Y/N. In Miami, you went undercover with--,” Isobel began before you cut her off.

 “The Mantiago Cartel, yeah. It was a week at a sketchy—sex—club,” you slowly finished catching on.

 “Yes, a well-known club that serviced that cartel. You got in with the leader and were integral in taking him down. The plan is to get you in with that shipmen to get into the cult,” Isobel informed.

 “Absofuckinglutly not!”

 All eyes flew to OA. No one spoke, everyone was in too much shock, you included.

 “Let’s talk in my office,” Isobel coolly replied as she took a few steps in that direction.

 “It doesn’t matter if we talk here or there, the answer is still no,” OA declared.

 “OA!”

 When he looked at you, he saw the alarm in your eyes. He took a breath and rubbed his goatee around his lips down to his beard. You stood and walked ahead to Isobel’s office. You filed in first, then Isobel, Jubal, and finally, OA. Once the door closed, Isobel was the first to speak.

 “Okay, Agent Zidan, take a breath,” she cautiously began as if giving him a nonverbal reminder of who he was. “The plan is simple; Y/N will infiltrate the shipment. Once at the cult location, you will locate the SVU agent and assess the situation. Your objective is to get the bosses into a compromising position for us to bring them in and nail their asses to the wall to give us the win,” Isobel explained.

 “While bringing in whatever intel you can on NDB,” Jubal added.

 “No. You want her to go undercover as a trafficked sex slave, and before you tell me don’t know what’ll happen, yeah, we do. These women are kidnapped, brutally and violently broken in, then drugged up to be pimped out. There is no way we’re letting Y/N in that,” OA finalized.

 “OA, we understand, but she’s had experience with this. I am confident in her ability and skill to get in, find the agent and accomplish the objective,” Isobel reasoned. “Y/N, what do you say?”

 You looked between Isobel and Jubal, who waited each with different expressions on their faces. You could feel the death rays from OA beside you. When you looked at him, the look was worse than you expected. He looked at you expectantly. He expected you to say no.

 “I can do it. It’s not a big deal,” assured. OA rolled his eyes, clenched his jaw, then turned his back to you.

“All right, we’ll get you up to speed. Let me say this, as a woman I know what I am asking you, I know the danger and risk this will put you in but I am one-hundred percent sure that this is not more than you are capable of,” Isobel slid in with a warm smile before she walked out of the room.

 Before you could say anything to him, OA was bolting out the door too. Jubal put the files in front of you. he looked as if he had a question to ask, but instead, he nodded and patted your shoulder. “We have you, Y/N,” he said before he walked out of the office.

 The next two hours passed with you drilling yourself, trying to memorize everything in the files. With your head on the task at hand, it didn’t mean that you didn’t see OA every time he stalked past the room with the sourest expression on his face. You knew he was pissed, and it bothered you. His worry wasn’t unwarranted. He was right going undercover like this was dangerous, especially seeing how dangerous and racist the NDB was that danger was increasingly greater.

 When you got up to stretch your legs, you saw him at his desk. As you approached, you tried to act as normal as possible. Once beside him, you inhaled his scent, one of his favorite things.

 “Think you can quiz me?”

 The look he gave you was an incredulous one that said you were crazy. “No, thanks.”

 “OA, come on. Let’s talk,” you whispered. OA sighed and looked around him, accessing the number of eyes on you.

 “Fine.”

 “Conference room at the end of the hall,” you instructed before you walked off, making a pit stop in the office to gather the files.

 Once inside the conference room, you paced the room, walking around the table. Almost eight minutes passed before the door opened, and OA walked in. He stood beside the door with you, standing across the room where the projector was. You stared at each other, neither wanting to concede. At the same time, you both walked around the conference table to meet in the middle. Once before each other, you sighed when you saw the tight clench of his jaw.

 “Come on, Omar.”

 OA groaned and went soft. “Of course, you’d use my name at a time like this.”

 “You’re being unreasonable,” you continued.

 “Me? Y/N, this is a sex trafficking ring, a racist one. This is too dangerous, and you know it.”

 “No, you know what I know is I've done this before. Neither is the less evil. If this were a week ago, you wouldn’t be acting like this, and you know it,” you breached.

 OA sighed again and dropped his head back. “Are you saying I’m acting worried for your safety because—,” he began.

 “Am I wrong?”

 OA didn’t speak for almost a minute before he sat on the conference table, leaving you to stand there waiting. He rubbed his face and mumbled something that you didn’t catch.

 “Yes, you’re wrong. If it were a week ago, I’d still object. I would still feel the same way I do now, about the case and you.”

 You stared at each other again. He reached out and pulled you between his legs to him. “There are so many ways this can go bad, so many ways you can get hurt, and I won’t be there. I’m—I’m scared.”

 Your heart melted at his admission. OA scoffed.

 “I’m fucking scared, and I don’t know what to do about it. I have no control here. If it’s you and me out there, then there is some control, with this--.”

 You gripped his jaw and made him look at you. “I get it,” you whispered. OA sniffled and clenched his jaw in that control freak trying to keep his impulses internal way that you’d fallen in love with. You couldn’t help but kiss him even though it was a bad idea, especially considering where you were right now. OA kissed you back, letting it remain slow and tender.

 You pressed your forehead to his then sighed as you pulled back to look at him. “We can’t let our fears get in the way of the job. You know that,” you whispered. OA nodded.

 “I know, I know, but you’re more than the job now, Y/N. This is more, and no matter if we wanted to just leave things unspoken or not, it is still something. Friday night meant something, Saturday meant something, a few hours ago—that meant something. You’re not just my partner anymore,” OA finished.

 He was right; the dynamics of your relationship had now changed. You’d crossed a line, and professional was not what this was anymore. It was something more. Something that neither of you had discussed for whatever reasons, but you both knew you would have to have the discussion. Now was not the time, though.

 “OA, this is happening. I can’t be distracted in there. I can’t have you in the back of my head worrying that you’re not okay with this, that you don’t have my back in this.”

 “You’re kidding, right? Y/N, I always have your back; I will always have your back. Yeah, I don’t agree with this op, and I wish that you would reconsider, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have your back with it. Your back, my back, we got that.”

 You nodded and dropped your forehead to his chest to release a relieved breath. You desperately needed to hear those words, and you hadn’t realized how desperately until now. OA kissed the top of your head.

 “I’m going to do whatever necessary to make sure you come home to me. Whatever it takes,” OA finished.

 You locked eyes with him seeing the vehemence of his declaration radiating from them.

 For the next hour, OA drilled you on the contents of the folder and helped you do what he did best, get your head in the game.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!*** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[shuahoonie]

you [tom holland] - eight.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! some fluff here, some angst there. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! also, their relationship is improving yall 🤧

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

SONG INSPO: mxmtoon - used to you

A/N: surprise! I actually updated after five/six months??? a lot of things have happened during the time that I was gone. most of it revolved around my mental health and uni. not a great time to have a career crisis whilst living in the middle of a pandemic lmao. 

the last time i updated, i gave you guys the gift of fluff. maybe i should tone down a bit? or maybe not? i’m also sorry if this took ages. had an awful writer’s block. oooh, also i wrote an interview excerpt for this chapter. i added a link if you wanted to read it but no pressure! it’s just a lil’ sumn sumn :) anyway, enjoy reading!

hope you guys are safe & healthy! keep practicing social distancing and please wear your masks! sending all my love ♡

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST WHENEVER I CAN 

gif credits: @tommybabyholland​

vanessa’s masterlist | preview | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight.5 [interview] | 

Your friends have told you countless times to bite the bullet, however, you’ve seemed to swallow it instead. Here you were, lying in the same bed with Tom Holland, mere inches against each other. 

If anyone told you that you would be lying on the same bed as the guy you swore you hated a few months ago, you’d probably laugh at their face. 

You were definitely considering that maybe this whole fake dating thing wasn’t such a horrid idea after all. 

The room was dimmed to almost pitch black now. You could see a small streak of light peering from the curtains, probably from all of the street lights outside, allowing you to at least see something. You were exhausted but somehow you couldn’t sleep at the same time. 

The only reasonable thing that you could put your blame into was your heart, which was beating quite rapidly, by the way. You didn’t even know why you felt this nervous around him, it’s not like he’s a complete stranger. 

You’ve known Tom for a good two months—two and a half if you want to be specific. You picked up on his little quirks: his eyes crinkle when he laughs genuinely, he doesn’t like that much sugar in his tea. He likes his dog, Tessa, very much which you were already a goner for. He also hums when he’s happy which surprised you one day, not knowing what to do with that information. 

You also found out that his hands were always cold, which always startles you as your hands were extremely warm. Like right now, you could feel his fingertips grazing upon yours. As if your heart can handle even more of your emotions right now. 

You were confused as to why you were extremely nervous around him all of a sudden. Is it because this is the first time your sharing a bed with your pretend boyfriend? Is it because the last time you shared a bed with someone who you had no relation to is with your ex-boyfriend? 

It was driving you insane and you really had to get it together. You were both lying on your backs so all you could stare at was the empty ceiling. You took a quick look at Tom, who was already sleeping. 

Ah, so he snores. You made a mental note to yourself, wondering how you can use that information and pester him with it. He didn’t have loud snores, just soft ones but still loud for you to hear.  

You turned your body and lain on your side, choosing to face Tom. He really looked peaceful sleeping and the sight of him be at peace was enough to calm you down. 

With that, you found your eyes slowly start to droop down. The image of Tom sleeping soundly was the last thing you saw before you drifted off to sleep.

You noticed three things as soon as you woke up. You still had your eyes shut, only because you refuse to accept that it was already a new day.

The first thing you noticed was the annoying alarm tone that kept ringing on the bedside table. One of these days, I’ll end up throwing and smashing my phone. 

The second thing was how hot warm you felt. You felt the heat radiating beside you and you weren’t exactly used to it. You like the feeling of sleeping in a cold room while also burying yourself with blankets. 

The third thing you noticed was the pair of arms wrapped around you. As you slowly opened your eyes, you were greeted by the extremely close proximity that you shared with Tom. 

You found yourself cuddling Tom. Your head was resting in between his chest and his arm—the same arm that was wrapped around you. In the meanwhile, Tom’s other hand was resting on the side of your face, building the illusion that he may have caressed the side of your face.

You, on the other hand, had your left arm resting on top of his chest while the other was tucked underneath the pillow. 

You wondered how the hell you ended up in this position, but knowing how you move a lot in your sleep, you probably initiated this in the first place. You also wondered how Tom can sleep through this annoying alarm, especially since it kept ringing every ten minutes. 

Tilting your head up a bit, your eyes met the sight of his lips. However, from this angle, you could also clearly see the freckles speckled on his face. With the beaming sun and its fight to fill the room with light against the corners of the curtains, it only made things worse for you. Tom, with his body outlined by the light, absolutely looked angelic—as if the universe only favoured him and him alone. 

You slowly reached for his hand and removed it from the corner of your neck, carefully resting it on top of his stomach. After successfully doing so, comes the real challenge. You slowly released yourself from the grip of his arm and tried your best to get out of the bed without waking Tom up. 

Your logic? It would be rude to wake someone up from their sleep—especially when they can’t be bothered to be woken up by the alarm anyway. You also wanted this moment for yourself. You thought that it was best if Tom had no recollection of waking up to you two cuddling, acting as a true couple when there are no cameras around you. 

You walked to the bathroom to get yourself ready. You had a whole day of photoshoots and you also had to squeeze in a couple of interviews after. You didn’t want to miss your best friend’s wedding so you had to do whatever you can in order to balance your social life and work.

You already knew that you were going to be exhausted for today and you love your job, you really do, but sometimes you wished that you could catch a break without losing sleep for the next couple of days.

After taking a long hot shower and doing your essential skin routine—knowing that this is the only form of relaxation you’re going to get for the next couple of days— you slipped into a pair of mom jeans and a loose shirt. You packed this much because you knew you wouldn’t get the chance to drive home anyway. 

Just as you stepped out of the bathroom, your phone buzzed in your hand and saw a text from your manager. 

Zoë: On my way to the hotel! I will be there in 20 mins or so. Be sure that you’re ready so we can get going. 

“Oh, you’re already good to go?” You looked up from your phone and saw Tom yawning and rubbing his eyes. He was still wearing your sweatpants and he was still shirtless. 

You nodded. “Zoë’s picking me up.” You replied as you tidied the bed. It took you a couple of minutes before the words you said just sunk in. “Oh god, Zoë’s picking me up.” You repeated with wide eyes. 

“Yeah?” Tom chuckled, seemingly lost as to what you were trying to point out. 

“She doesn't really know that you slept with me.” You said but as soon as you realized what you just said, you knew you fucked up. You saw Tom smirking at you which only prompted you to hit him with the pillow. “I didn’t mean it like that, you weirdo.” 

“Oh, sure.” He teased as he put on his shirt. “I mean I’m pretty sure that I’m not the one who practically clung to a person while sleeping.” 

“Shut up, Holland. You know I move a lot when I sleep.” You muttered as a pathetic excuse to hopefully shut him up. 

“To be quite fair, I didn’t know that you do that whenever you sleep, but it’s nice to know that now.” He grinned. 

“Oh god,” You groaned. “Let’s just go so I can check out now. Zoë’s going to be here soon and I want you gone asap.” You said as you glanced around the room just so you know you didn’t leave anything behind. 

“Wait, what about your sweatpants?” 

“Just give it to me the next time you see me.” You said as you pulled him out of the room and made your way to the front desk. 

It turns out Zoë had no concept of time. As soon as you finished checking out, you saw your manager already waiting in the lobby. Oh, you recognized her big blonde hair from anywhere. She was sitting in one of the plush sofas, dressed in a white romper and even had her cat-eye sunglasses on. She looked like she’s about to catch her husband having an affair. 

“Ah, Y/N,” She said with a huge smile. “Thanks but you should know if that ever were to happen, I would pick something more flashy.” 

Oh, I said that out loud?! You practically yelled at yourself.

“We should get going, honey, we’ll grab you some breakfast on the way.” Zoë fixed the stray strands of your hair. You couldn’t be bothered to do your hair knowing that the stylists are going to give it hell anyway, so you just tied it in a low ponytail. 

“Um,” You didn’t even know how to say it. Where you even going to bring Tom up? If so, what were you going to say anyway? That you spent a night with your pretend boyfriend? Which shouldn’t be a huge deal but you were sure that your stunt doesn’t involve actually falling for each other.

“Tom,” Zoë’s pitch went a bit higher, surprised to see Tom standing behind you. “What’re you doing here, hon?” She asked quietly. 

“Oh, I-” 

“He spent the night with me. Tom was exhausted and it wasn’t safe for him to drive last night, so I asked him to stay.” You explained, cutting Tom off. You just wanted to get it over with and you were bound to face the storm sooner or later anyway. 

Zoë stared at the two of you for a moment, an undistinguishable look painted all over her face. You took a quick look at Tom who was also observing your manager’s reaction. 

However, she chose to drop it. “Alright, c’mon, honey. You have a long day today.” Your manager said after she flashed Tom a smile and turned around, leaving you both relieved. 

As you watched your manager leave and walk towards her vehicle, you turned to Tom and said, “I guess I’ll see you soon?” 

Tom smiled and nodded, “I’ll see you soon, my darling.” He said softly.

You felt your cheeks start to burn again so you did what you always do whenever you don’t know how to respond or when you’re just plain embarrassed—walk away and practically scream inside your head. 

You were walking—sprinting, more like— towards the vehicle and when you got in, you were greeted with a big smile by Zoë. It terrified you. 

“Y/N, hon,” She initiated with a soft voice. “You know sooner or later this stunt will all come to an end right?” 

“Yeah, I know.” You answered, slightly confused as to why this was brought up all of a sudden. 

“Okay, good, good...” Zoë trailed off. “I just—I see how things may escalate and I don’t want to see you hurt, Y/N.” 

“Yeah, I know.” You acknowledged, though this time you said it in a whisper. It was day 78 that you came clean to yourself and realized maybe you were developing a tiny crush on Tom. 

The people from the magazine were doing a feature story on you. Not only that you were going to be on the cover of the magazine, but you were also going to get a ten-page spread that included an interview. The whole theme of the issue was individuality so your spread had to be rooted from your style, so the outfits, the makeup, and hair had to base off of you as a concept while still adding an editorial element to it. 

You were already wearing the third outfit, wearing a pink frilly floral dress and it had hand-stitched and delicately placed flowers for the details—in which the outfit was inspired by your character in your tv series.

You were waiting for your hair and makeup to be done at the same time. The set was going to be in a pool so you also had to have your manicure and pedicure done. Basically, you had no control over your body.  

“How are you doing, hon?” Zoë asked as she passed by your chair. 

“’m still okay,” You mumbled. “Can I take a sip from my coffee though?” 

Maria’s, the nail tech for this shoot, eyes went wide. “Your nails aren’t dry yet,” She pointed out. 

“Please, Maria?” You pouted. You were literally about to pass out from exhaustion and you still had a full day ahead.

Maria rolled her eyes and gave in. “Fine, I’ll hold the cup.” She said before she grabbed your coffee from your manager. 

As you happily indulged the coffee, you heard Ruby, the makeup artist, let out a sigh behind you.“Y/N, I just did your makeup.” 

“Nothing bad happened! I just need to reapply the lipstick, it’s okay.” You quickly defended. 

“Child, you are going to be the death of me,” Ruby mumbled loud enough for the two of you. “You’re lucky I like you because if my other clients did this I would’ve grabbed their coffee and then they would’ve gone full diva on me.” 

You just gave her a huge smile before she reapplied your lipstick. The hairstylist just finished doing your hair, pinning tiny flowers all over your hair and having them scattered all over. You couldn’t believe that you had flowers all over your hair again—which only reminded you of Tom and what happened last night. 

Last night felt so surreal. It was the first time you two didn’t have knives on each other’s necks. It was the first time you felt comfortable around him and the experience was very intimate, it almost drove you mad. 

However, your manager’s words echoed back at you. It’s all a stunt and it will come to an end. 

“Are you ready, Y/N?” The photographer asked, breaking up your thoughts. Am I?

From pink frilly dresses to big tan sherpa coats, you were finally done with the photo shoot. The shoot went on for hours and all you wanted to do was to get rid of everything that your skin and hair had to endure. However, it doesn’t end there. You still had to do a short interview for the magazine. 

You were still wearing one of the outfits you had for the shoot—a black tube-top jumpsuit that clung into your body like second skin, along with tall pencil-heeled black pumps. This was definitely far from comfortable nor is it something that you’d wear, but you did like how it looked on you. “I look like the cold-hearted editor-in-chief in a magazine from a Hallmark movie” was all you said when you looked in the mirror. 

You had to excuse yourself from the young journalist who patiently waited for you as your photoshoot ran a bit late. She was drinking the coffee that you had given her—a small token of an apology for the time she probably wasted waiting. 

She gladly understood and went on with the interview. You were glad to do so anyway since you’re embarrassed for making her wait. You were asked about Amelia, the character that you play in the show Alchemist. 

As Y/N eased into the interview, still wearing one of her outfits from the photoshoot, she was asked about her resonation with her character. “I see only tiny bits of myself as her—that being hard-headed and using self-deprecating jokes as a coping mechanism,” she answered with a small laugh. 

You were also asked about your personal struggle between dropping out of school—potentially ruining your future— and your unstable acting career. 

She thought she possibly made a huge mistake of ruining her future. Luckily, Y/N received a casting call for the show Alchemist. “I still believe it’s pure luck. I’m lucky that I got the part and the show helped me shape my career, however, I can’t deny that I was really close to giving up.” 

Of course, the current state of your love life had to be included. 

“Yeah, I am seeing someone.” Y/N admits with a soft smile. “People know who he is and frankly, I don’t think I have to explicitly say his name as who I date shouldn’t be anyone’s business.” Her cheeks were flushed red as soon as the words came out of her mouth. Y/N was kind enough to explain that she didn’t mean it to sound so harsh, but she still stands firm with her words. 

You quickly and kindly expressed to the journalist that you mean well. You had no intention of being rude or for it to sound rude, but you still hold true to your words. The journalist was kind enough to understand your sentiments regarding this.  

The interview ended in a breeze and you were absolutely longing for the time when you can take a nice long bath. You quickly thanked the journalist as she bid her way goodbye. 

You can only hope that this cover issue finds you well. 

Time went by slowly and yet very quickly at the same time. You haven’t seen any of your friends for a couple of weeks as you’ve been occupied by filming, doing interviews, and photoshoots. 

You haven’t seen Tom in quite a while too—which you didn’t mind. You actually used this time to reevaluate your uncertain feelings for him. People at set didn’t seem to notice that he rarely showed up at your shoots—at least if they did, they would just assume that he’s busy since he did have an endless list of projects. 

As you were still uncertain about where your feelings lie with Tom, you chose this time to at least try and forget about him. Admittedly, it was difficult since people would always bring him up at some point or he would just be everywhere on social media. 

This time apart from Tom did give you a sense of peace. You weren’t in the constant state of practically having a heart attack around him, no matter how cliché it sounds. You hated that he had this effect on you but you had to act like everything’s fine—hoping that you’re doing a damn well job because acting is how you put food on the table. 

However, just like the opening lyrics of One Direction’s most gut-wrenching song, Love You Goodbye, mentioned: “It’s inevitable, everything that’s good comes to an end.” 

And boy, did it end alright. 

Ronnie: pls tell me it’s actually ur day off bc I really plan on having dinner with u.  🥺

You were about to have a long, relaxing bath (infused with epsom salts of course) when you read the text from your best friend. You were longing for this heaven-like bath and there’s no way you’re going to pass it up.

You: technically yes. the shoot ran till morning but all i’ve done since then was sleep. I'm about to take a bath tho & not planning to get out until i turn into a human prune lmao 

Ronnie: ok! I'll buy us dinner, any suggestions? 

You: really craving for some hearty Korean food rn 🤧

Ronnie: gotcha! I'll get u ur usual, do u want me to buy drinks too? 

You were still debating whether to go drinking tonight when your phone pinged, indicating a text. 

Ronnie: babes you’re taking too long. I'm getting us drinks. 

You: guess there’s no way out then lmao 

Ronnie: oh u bet. I'll be there in an hour-ish, maybe earlier. 

You: might still be in the bath when u arrive. 😬 

Ronnie: nah you’re ok haha. I have keys anyway and I'll make myself at home but u already knew that. 😌

You rolled your eyes but still had a smile on your face. You eventually gave Veronica some duplicates as she was constantly popping by anyway. It didn’t make sense for both of you to keep Ronnie out, waiting for you to come home when you could easily just give her some keys. At some point, you even asked her to move in. She is dancing around the idea though. 

Turning your phone off, you stepped into your epsom-salt-bubble bath—ready to shut off from the world and embrace the relaxation. 

After strategically propping your laptop at the bathroom counter, you’ve managed to finish two episodes of New Girl whilst you were in the tub. You could’ve used the bathtub tray that Olivia got you for your birthday, but you couldn’t trust yourself with that type of risk—no matter how careful you were. 

It wasn’t long when you heard a small commotion coming from the living room. You had your eyebrows furrowed, surely it was just Ronnie who’s dropping by today. Unless she invited Olivia too? 

Stepping out of the tub, you wrapped a towel around your body. You shut off your laptop and grabbed your phone before you left the bathroom. 

“Ronnie?” You called out above the chatter from the living room. “Ronnie, is that you?” 

“Yeah, right here, babes!” You heard her yell back. Upon reaching the living room, you saw Ronnie setting the food down on the table with Harrison putting the drinks down. “Oh, hey! I got us bibimbap and tteokbokki from Kim’s Kitchen. I also asked for extra kimchi because that is to die for.” Veronica exclaimed with a huge smile. “Oh and Mrs. Kim says hi.” 

You forced a huge smile in response, turning to your best friend and subtly motioning at Harrison who was standing beside her. 

“Oh! oh! Y/N, I hope you don’t mind that I invited them. They called me the same time as I texted you and I figured you wouldn’t mind because we’re all friends here, right?” Veronica smiled nervously. 

“A head’s up would’ve been nice, because...” You motioned to yourself, pointing out that you were still in your towel. “I mean it is my home and I should dress however I want but obviously you got your boyfriend here. The least I could do is look presentable.” 

Harrison turned red and so did Veronica. “Y/N, Harrison is not my boy—”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’ll go get changed.” You rolled your eyes and dismissed the entire thing. What can you do, kick them out? Wait—

“Wait, did you say “them” earlier? Is anyone else coming?” You asked. 

“Uh...” Veronica was looking for the right words to say until her eyes met someone else’s and looked right past you. 

You turned around and saw Tom standing in the middle of the room, holding plates and cutlery from your kitchen. Pinching the bridge of your nose to prevent the emerging migraine you’re about to endure and closed your eyes, you took a deep breath. 

“Uh—Hi, Y/N” Tom waved shyly. That’s all it took. All of those repressed feelings that you were trying to fight off were coming back. With your heart beating furiously, you knew you were a goner and you hated that. 

“Hi Tom,” you muttered. You two haven’t spoken to each other in a while since the morning after the wedding. God, this is awkward.  

You caught his eyes flickered to your body and put his head down, walking towards Harrison and Veronica, avoiding eye contact. You realized you were still in your towel, turning red. “Uh, I’ll go get changed.” You muttered, practically running towards your room to change. 

You were changing into an oversized shirt and into some leggings when you heard a knock from the door. “I’m decent!” You yelled. 

The door slowly opened, Tom peering from the other side. 

“Oh, hey.” You greeted him as he slowly went inside your room. He was looking around, observing your room. Your bedroom wasn’t special but it’s your favourite place. The walls were painted white—which is why when the sun beams through your windows, it bounces off through the walls and illuminates your entire room. Your room consisted of white furniture and bedding, but you made up for it by putting numerous plants all over your room and using earthy tones such as blankets and decorative pillows as accents. 

“Hey,” Tom stepped a bit closer “Sorry about earlier. If I knew you’d feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have come.” He apologized. 

“No, you’re good. I guess I was just caught by surprise.” You quickly dismissed. 

There was an odd silence. Is this what happens when you don’t talk for quite a while? 

“Oh, I also wanted to give you this,” Tom said, handing you the sweatpants that he borrowed a while ago. The cursed night that brought you closer to each other, literally. Grabbing the neatly folded pants, your fingers gently grazed upon his—the first time you had physical contact ever since that night.  “Don’t worry, I washed it.” He added. 

“Eh, I think I’ll wash it again just to make sure.” You joked, trying to diffuse the awkwardness. 

Tom let out a small laugh, scratching the back of his head. “I’m sorry.” You heard him say as you put your hair into a loose ponytail.

“For what?” You asked, brows furrowed. 

“I wasn’t exactly the finest “boyfriend” in the world.” He explained, putting air quotes on the word ‘boyfriend’. “I’d say I was busy but I should’ve made time.” 

You gave him a small smile. “It’s okay, Tom.” You turned around to place the pants inside the drawer. “It’s not like you’re my actual boyfriend anyway.” You laughed awkwardly.

For some reason, that last sentence left an unpleasant feeling on you. Why are you longing for Tom anyway? Are you that deprived? 

Tom let out an awkward chuckle and mumbled a quiet “yeah,” 

There it is again. That awkward silence. Will this last for the entire night because this is going to be exhausting? 

All of a sudden, Tom looked at you with a smile. “Why are we being weird?” Tom asked, laughing. 

“Yeah, I don’t even know either,” You couldn't help but laugh as well. “I’m definitely not used to you being this quiet.” 

“Are you saying that you missed it then?” He asked with a smirk. “Better yet are you saying that you missed me?” 

You rolled your eyes. There’s the Tom that you knew. “I wouldn’t go that far, Tom.” You replied, fighting off a smile. 

“’m just teasing, darling,” He laughed softly. “So, should we just forget everything and just be friends?” He asked, offering his hand.

You were about to reply when you heard a loud knock from the other side of the door. “Oi, are you two making out in there?” You heard Veronica yell obnoxiously from the other side. 

“Veronica!” You shrieked out of pure embarrassment. You felt your face turning red, as if like you’re a preteen caught with her crush.  

You pulled the door open and dragged Tom outside out of pure embarrassment, only to meet Veronica and Harrison who were leisurely sitting by the couch, trying to fight off their smirks. 

“Food’s getting cold,” Harrison said innocently as you glared at the both of them. 

“I see that you two are getting close,” Veronica commented eyeing both of your hands that were still clasped. 

“I—uh,” You’re at a loss for words. You forgot the calm feeling of how Tom’s hands felt against yours. 

You were about to let go when Tom raised both of your hands to show Haz and Ronnie. “I like holding her hand, it’s always so warm,” Tom commented with a soft smile. “One of the perks of fake dating, Y/N.” 

Veronica took a good look at you while you were busy staring at Tom. Ronnie knows that stare of yours and if she’s being honest, she doesn’t know whether to feel happy or anxious for you. 

“Yeah, that is until your hands get damp.” You teased, rolling your eyes. “Let’s just eat.” You said as you grabbed a cushion and sat on the floor. 

“Okay, so what are we having?” Tom asked as he stared at the table full of Korean dishes. 

“Well, I ordered each of us a bowl of bibimbap because I have no clue what you two like to eat” Ronnie said, pertaining to Tom and Harrison. She handed them each a bowl. “They’re all beef, by the way—oh except for Y/N’s, she has chicken.” 

“Have you had bibimbap before?” You asked Tom who was behind you, sitting on the couch. 

He shook his head in response, grabbing a cushion and opted to sit on the floor, right next to you. “I’ve had Korean BBQ before, does that count?” 

“Not quite,” You laughed. “Here, I’ll add some chilli paste.” 

“Darling, don’t add too much—” Tom argued while trying to grab the chilli paste from your hands. He ended just holding onto your hand instead.

“C’mon, it’s better when it’s spicy!” You defended, trying to squeeze more into his bowl.

“Are you sure you’re not adding that much because you hate me?” You could feel the close proximity of his face against yours. 

“Oh, please,” You turned to face him “I could never hate you, Tommy.” You blinking innocently, trying to hide the fact that he’s literally inches away from you. 

While you and Tom are practically exploring this whole new territory of closeness, Veronica was quietly watching it unfold in front of her eyes. 

“They seem to be getting along quite well,” Harrison commented before shoving a spoon into his mouth. 

“Yeah, maybe too well.” Veronica murmured, still staring at the couple in front of her. 

“And that’s a bad thing?” Haz asked with a raised eyebrow. Curious. 

Veronica couldn’t answer. Is it really a bad thing or was she just being overprotective? She should be happy for her friend! Heck, she should be happy that you and Tom were finally getting along for once.

Veronica chose to just look past it and accept the situation for what it is for now: a miracle. 

“I guess not,” Veronica answered, smiling softly at Harrison who gladly smiled in return. 

“Dinner was spectacular,” Tom commented with a smile “Well done, Ronnie.” 

“Oh—psh!” Ronnie waved her hand nonchalantly, “That was nothing.” 

“Yeah, because Mrs. Kim prepared all of it” You argued jokingly. “Besides, I suggested that we should have Korean cuisine tonight.” 

“Then I guess I should thank you, Y/N,” Tom grabbed the sides of your face and squished your cheeks. “Thanks, darling.” He grinned. 

You scrunched your face and took his hand away. “You’re annoying,” You told Tom while gathering the plates, starting to clear the table. 

“I’ll get that, Y/N,” Harrison said while grabbing the plates from you. “I’ll do the dishes, you lot just stay put here.” 

“Ooh, I’ll help!” Veronica stood up to help Harrison. 

“No, it’s fine. Just stay there, Ronnie. It’s okay.” Harrison replied, his tone of voice suddenly warm towards Veronica. 

“You’re so sweet,” Veronica said in awe. “But that won’t work for me, babe. I’ll help you, it’s totally okay.” She insisted, clearing the rest of the table and following Harrison towards the kitchen. 

You were about to head into the spare bedroom when you felt Tom wrap his hands around yours. “Where are you going?” He asked. 

“I’m just going to grab something,” You replied, “Even if I try to get away from you, I couldn’t. Trust me.” You teased. 

Tom nodded understandably, letting go of your hand. 

As you were on your way to the spare room, you couldn’t help but mumble “Why’s he being so clingy all of a sudden? Is this what he’s like to his friends?” You chose to shake off your thoughts against your better judgment. 

“What’s that?” Tom asked as soon as you entered the living room. 

“A bean bag chair,” You answered, dropping it in front of him. “So you can stop hogging my place on the sofa.” 

“Aw, you got a bean bag chair just for me?” He asked with a huge grin on his face. 

You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t buy it just for you, dumb ass.”

“Whatever you say, Y/N.” He grinned. “Whatever you say.” Tom then sat on the bean bag chair, except he sat at the very upper part of it and tried to keep his balance whilst doing so. 

This is the most boyish thing you’ve seen Tom do—no fancy clothing, no assistants around him, no cameras, none of it. He looked like an average guy, doing silly and harmless things, who’s just trying to have fun. 

With that in mind, you couldn’t help but pull your phone out and film him doing so. Eventually, he caught on and saw that you had your phone out, giving a smile. 

Laughing, you said, “That’s not how you sit on it!”

“I’ll sit on it however I want,” He teased. You quit filming and decided to upload the clip on your Instagram story. It was cute, pure, and authentic. Three words that you swore you wouldn’t use when pertaining to you and Tom. 

This fake dating thing is getting harder and harder. Seeing that you and Tom finally decided to act friendly around each other, it’s definitely going to provoke the feelings you were trying to suppress from him. 

“Okay, so I got bottles of soju.” Veronica announced while wiping her hands with the kitchen towel. “Anyone up for a Paranoia drinking game?” She asked with a smirk. 

“Why must we play a game while drinking?” You asked, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“I think it’ll be fun, Y/N.” Tom commented. “This is the right moment to build a tight bond with each other.” 

“Yeah, because nothing says bonding like alcohol and using repressed feelings.” You mumbled. 

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[derfisch]

Earlier today, one of my roommates was recommending some rhythm games to me (he's new and doesn't really know what I've played), mainly rhythm games because that's all he knows I'm really into. One of them was Crypt of the Necrodancer.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I really, really don't like that game.

In fact, I've kind of noticed over time that aside from a few outliers, I don't really enjoy most video games. Sometimes Nintendo will release one of their major titles and there'll be something intrinsically rewarding about playing it, but aside from your Wild Breaths and Odd Marios, I can't think of many video games I enjoy that aren't either a rhythm game, or Rivals of Aether.

The biggest draw of rhythm games to me is how intense and intricate they can get. The flow state you get into trying desperately not to drop your combo in osu! is thrilling in ways I can't describe. Playing a song that you couldn't even pass just a month ago, and realizing that you only got a single miss, and if you just play it like 2 more times maybe you'll FC it. Thoroughly destroying one of the hardest songs in a given game, turning to the high score board, and thinking, "I bet I could do that." And then showing your friends who don't play, and hearing them ask, "how is that even humanly possible??" And all the while, only consciously feeling like you're just really good at listening to cues in music and pressing buttons to it. The dexterity just feels natural at some point, like you should've been able to do it from the start, like all you needed was to surpass a mental barrier.

Rhythm games have had a bit of a resurgence lately, but they've been mostly dead for a while outside of Japan. They're pretty expensive to make, legally confusing, and hard to export. Once Guitar Hero and Rock Band died, we basically had nothing new for years. So the latest trend has been to combine rhythm games with other genres, allowing for more minimal soundtracks and a greater focus on gameplay that western developers are more familiar with designing. We've got rhythm game, but it's a first person shooter; rhythm game, but it's a platformer; rhythm game, but it's a roguelike. It seems like every couple of years, a new one pops up, and the gaming world goes nuts for a new rhythm game (finally!)

But when you combine genres, you have to make compromises somewhere. And unfortunately for people like me, the intrinsically fun parts of rhythm games are the parts that are hardest to make fit in with another game without making it unreasonably hard. All the fun charting, quickly intuitive gameplay, is the first thing to get ripped out and replaced. No one wants to play a rhythm roguelike where the charting is insane but the combat is easy, secondary. It'd make you wonder why they added the roguelike elements in the first place. But when it comes to rhythm aspects, it's much easier to justify just adding that for extra flavor. A game's gotta have music, so it's not too far of a step forward to have the character just move to the beat.

But just pressing the buttons to a four on the floor beat does not make something fun to me. It doesn't match the music in any meaningful way, and I can't get into the flow of it because I'm too busy thinking about how to navigate around a dungeon I've played like, 15 times already, and I keep dying right before the frickin boss, and it stopped being fun after like the 3rd try.

I don't think Crypt of the Necrodancer is a bad game, or any of these other rhythm game hybrids. Clearly, a lot of people find them very fun. They often have very catchy music, commissioned exclusively for those games. Camellia did a track that you hear in the first level of Mad Rat Dead, and it is a total banger. But it gave a lot of people a very different idea of rhythm games than what a lot of us who already love the genre enjoy, and I can already see the effects of that among gamers who are unwilling to give pure rhythm games a try for being too hard, or too simple.

Luckily, there is hope. Friday Night Funkin' is super close to more arcade-style rhythm games like Guitar Hero, or DDR (its closest inspiration), mixed with some of the more approachable gameplay of games like Parappa, and all at a difficulty that any average person should have no trouble playing. Even the tougher charts are trivial to pass on your first or second try. And lots of people, especially younger gamers at just the right age to be forming their tastes, are in love with it. It's been such a massive success that the kickstarter reached all its (serious) stretch goals in just a few weeks, reaching over $2M raised by the end of its campaign.

I have no idea if they'll actually deliver on all their promises. That's an absurd amount of money, and an equally absurd roadmap they have to follow. But what that says to me personally is, regardless of if it's cartoon rap battles or something completely different, the west is ready for another big rhythm game to hit it, no caveats required. All we need is someone willing to make it.

[smooshjames]

forget you not (iv)

you knock on my door and tell me you don’t wanna fight (or: inside jokes and invitations)

word count: 4.5k

a/n: part four of forget you not! this is the second to last part as it stands right now, but i am toying with the idea of writing an epilogue. i haven’t made up my mind on that front quite yet, it’ll probably depend on if there’s any demand for an epilogue once the parts i’ve got written are all finished up. anyway, the usual disclaimers: i didn’t write any of the songs mentioned, they all belong to little mix, this chapter’s songs are here and here (no new ones this time, but i figure i’ll link them anyway for the sake of easy access). here is a link to my ko-fi, which, as usual, is never an obligation. thank you for taking the time to read this, and i hope you enjoy!

warnings: more angst (surprising, right?), an author who is very bad at sketch comedy trying to write characters who are very good at sketch comedy

previous parts: one, two, three

With the red dot on the cameras blinking, you knew it was even more important now that you kept up that positive facade. You did your best to think about good things, hoping your smile wouldn’t look too forced.

To your right, Shayne launched into an energetic intro where he explained the rules of the game and introduced you guys as guests. Once he had given his little speech, he turned to you, though his eyes were fixed on the partition over your shoulder. Still, his smile didn’t waver for even a second. “So, are you guys ready to play?”

You nodded enthusiastically and laughed in easy agreement as you were elected to be the first person in the stool. You filled your mouth with water and flashed a thumbs-up, and out came Alexis. She used an inside joke, which was probably cheating, but it made you spit your water out anyway.

The game went on like this for a while, until finally, the only person yet to try to make you laugh was Shayne. You braced yourself as he asked if you were ready, humming an affirmative and doing your best to keep your breathing even.

He came out holding a red telephone, which he set on top of the bongos.

“Watch this,” he said, flashing you a shit-eating grin. For a second, you felt yourself tilting forward into that grin, into those eyes. Your heart jackhammered in your chest. It was the first genuine smile he’d given you all day, and God it was beautiful. “Hi, Dominos? You’re my favorite pizza place.”

You knitted your eyebrows in confusion.

“Watch this though,” he said. He mashed his finger against the phone buttons and lifted it again. “Hi, Pizza Hut? You’re my favorite pizza place.”

And then he nodded at you a little, smiling expectantly. When you didn’t laugh, he held up one finger. “Watch this though.”

With his free hand, he made a sort of waving motion in the direction of the partition, and out came Damien holding an identical red phone. He handed it to you and then went back to where all the props were. Shayne dialed his phone and made a little ringing sound effect for emphasis. You picked up your phone.

“Hi, Y/N?” he asked. You hummed something vaguely resembling “hello” into the receiver, figuring you might as well play along with the bit. In the same voice, with that same shit-eating grin, he said, “you’re my favorite singer.”

You weren’t sure why, maybe it was the strange vocal inflection or the mirth in his eyes as he said it, but sure enough, you sprayed water all over the soundstage. Shayne laughed gleefully as you did so, and the sound of it made you forget to breathe for just a second; you hadn’t heard that laugh in years. It made your chest ache to hear it again. In a sort of daze, you handed him your prop and he took it backstage.

Everyone came back out and you had to choose who made you laugh the hardest. You picked Damien, who had pranced out in an insanely tangled red wig with a stuffed flamingo in one hand, partially because he had made you laugh really hard and partially because you were trying to procrastinate Shayne's turn as much as possible.

Damien’s round passed quickly, and you managed to make him laugh after a few seconds. He chose Piper to go next, so she took her place on the stool. You went backstage with everyone else and started sifting through props to think of a bit.

And then Shayne fully took his shirt off.

You froze halfway through picking up a cowboy hat. You were pretty sure that anyone listening closely enough could’ve heard the gears in your brain grinding to a halt.

You wondered, if you started running now, how far into the ocean you could get before anyone noticed you were gone.

Carly nudged you with her elbow and asked you to help her with a bit, forcing you to turn away from Shayne, which was probably for the best. You took the opportunity to remind yourself that not only did he have a new girlfriend, but that the two of you didn’t work. You never had and you never would.

And before you knew it, Piper’s round was over, and Shayne was up next. You felt a bolt of panic. You knew you could make him laugh, but you weren’t sure how to go about doing it and you were rapidly running out of time to figure it out. Finally, you decided against every bit of logic you had. You decided to just go with an inside joke.

He probably wouldn’t remember it, anyway. It didn’t really matter. If you didn’t make him laugh it wasn’t the end of the world. At the end of that day, you were just here to promote the band. 

At least, this is what you told yourself as you stood behind the partition waiting for your turn. But your hands were trembling anyway.

Your turn came up. Alexis gave you a little high five on your way out. You walked up to Shayne’s right side and leaned in close to him, careful not to touch him. You looked at him through your eyelashes and shifted your weight from foot to foot. “Hey,” you said, voice low and sultry. Shayne’s brows knitted in confusion, and you feared for a moment that he had forgotten. You were probably only half-audible to the mics, but you didn’t care. You were focused single-mindedly on making Shayne laugh. “I was just wondering… do you like tacos?” You were careful to drag out the vowels on the word ‘tacos.’ You heard Damien start giggling behind the partition.

At least he remembered.

And then Shayne’s eyes widened and he surged forward as he tried to keep the water in. Your heart skipped a beat, though you couldn’t quite pin down why.

“Do you like tacos, Shayne? Do you?” you asked, leaning a little closer. You felt more confident now that you knew he remembered the joke. “Tell me how much you like tacos, Shayne.”

That did the trick. He sprayed water everywhere, shrieking with laughter as he did so.

Once the water was cleaned up, everyone else came back out from behind the partition and Shayne chose Alexis to go next.

After Alexis, it was Carly’s turn, and then you were all done. You had even finished a little bit ahead of schedule.

Ian came over once the cameras were cut, smiling brightly. “That was really good, you guys! Thanks so much for coming in today.”

“Thanks for having us!” Alexis said. “It was a ton of fun.”

You nodded in agreement but you were only half-listening. Shayne had somehow ended up right next to you during the outro of the video, and he hadn't made an effort to move away after the cameras stopped rolling. He was close to you, maybe a little closer than necessary, and that fact was all you could focus on.

As you were listening to Ian talk about when the video would be released, you felt Shayne wrap his hand around your forearm, squeezing lightly to get your attention. That one simple touch set your entire right side on fire. You felt like he’d lit off a fireworks display under your skin. You turned to face him, and you couldn’t help noticing that he looked more than a little bit like a kicked puppy.

“Can we talk?” he asked. His voice was soft, a stark contrast to how loud he’d been just minutes before as you were filming the video outro. “Just for a few minutes, please?”

At these questions, a knot of mixed emotion -- fear, anger, a little misguided hope -- gathered in a knot at the base of your spine and squeezed so hard you went lightheaded with it.

You glanced around for Michelle, who was watching you like a hawk. You tilted your head toward Shayne and shrugged. She nodded.

“Okay,” you replied. In all honesty, you weren’t sure why you said yes. You didn’t know what he could possibly have to say to you. Your mind raced with all the worst-case scenarios; that he would rub his new girlfriend in your face, that he would say something mean or insulting, that he would tear down what little you had managed to build yourself up. You wrestled those ideas into submission, though. Shayne had made his mistakes, but he had never been intentionally cruel.

He led you back through the office until he found an empty conference room. You closed the door behind you as you entered.

“What’s up?” you asked. You cringed as it was coming out of your mouth. Really? What’s up?

Now that you were alone, some of his forced Funny Man bravado seemed to crumble away. His shoulders slumped and the shine went out of his eyes, and the look he gave you was sad, exhausted.

You felt like the earth was rotating the wrong way, like God had vacuum sealed the room shut, like Saturn was crashing into Jupiter and imploding on impact.

“I, um…” he mumbled. He shoved his hands into his pockets and chuckled nervously. For a moment, you were reminded of the first time he’d asked you out. You’d both been so young then, and he had been all nerves and goofy smiles. You knew even from that first conversation that you were a goner. “I should’ve planned out what I was gonna say, huh? I had all weekend to think about it.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” you said. “This weekend has been… a series of really fucking weird, awful coincidences. You don’t have to, like, apologize. We’ll just chalk it up to being a series of unfortunate events.”

His brow furrowed and his head tilted slightly, which really intensified the whole kicked puppy vibe he had going. Your heart ached, and there was a moment where the muscles in your legs twitched, where your body tried to move itself over to him without your brain’s consent.

You stayed rooted to your place.

“What?” he asked, voice small, barely even audible over the hum of the air conditioning.

You shrugged. “It’s okay, Shayne. I’m not, like, upset that you moved on --”

Bold-faced lie number one.

“Wait,” he said, but you couldn’t hear him over the blood roaring through your ears.

“-- and Courtney seems really nice, so I’m happy that you’re happy --”

Bold-faced lie number two.

“No, just --” he tried to interrupt you again, but you kept going.

“-- and I’m sorry that we had to see each other again in this context, it’s been… really fucking weird. But that doesn’t mean you need to try to make it better, okay? Don’t worry about me.”

Bold-faced lie number three.

Before you could conjure up more ways to end the conversation and escape the room, Shayne took a halting step forward.

“Courtney and I aren’t dating,” he said. Your mouth snapped shut as your brain slammed on the brakes. “We’re just friends. I went to the concert with her because the person she was supposed to go with canceled last minute and she couldn’t find anybody else.”

Oh.

“And I’m sorry we had to see each other again in this context, too, but not because I want to patronize you by telling you that I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I mean I am sorry things didn’t work out, but not in like a My Life Is Better Now, Sorry About That kinda way --” he stopped, faltering, obviously unsure of how to put his thoughts into words.

Oh.

“I mean, if anything, you’re the one who’s better now; --” wait, what? “-- you’re successful, doing what you love, surrounded by your friends, and you’ve clearly moved on. --” wait, what? “-- But I just wanted to talk to you because… I don’t really know why, honestly. Because a part of me is still twenty-one and in love with you, I guess.”

So that was what it was like to have every organ in your body simultaneously crushed under a hydraulic press. Interesting.

You couldn’t think of anything poetic to say, so you settled for what seemed the most pressing. “You think I cried on stage singing Towers, a song I wrote about you, because I’m over you? You think I’m the one who’s moved on?”

He shrugged meekly. “I don’t know. That was just one song. You sang a hell of a lot of other songs about how you don’t need a man, about how your life is great. And those aren’t bad things! They were really good songs, but I just assumed --”

“Carly and Alexis wrote all those songs,” you said flatly. He fell silent. “I just sing them.”

There was a moment of silence that seemed to last an eternity, and then there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Shayne said, his eyes still locked on yours.

A tall brunet man with a thick beard opened the door and stuck his head inside. “Hey,” he said. “There’s a meeting in here in five minutes.” And then he looked between the two of you, and his eyes narrowed. You figured the tension in the room was so palpable, even a stranger could pick up on it. “Everything okay, Shayne?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Shayne replied. “We’ll be out of here in a minute. Sorry, Matt.”

“No problem,” the man, Matt, said. He nodded at you in acknowledgment, seeming more than a little confused at your presence. The door closed softly as he left.

“It’s probably for the best,” you said. “Michelle will have a coronary if I’m gone for too long. Places to be, people to see, insanely specific and personal questions to answer.”

He laughed a little bit, nodding, and for a moment the heavy awkwardness that had settled in the room seemed to lift just slightly. “Is your number still the same?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you replied. “Why?”

“I’ll text you my new address. Um, if you can, if you want to, it would probably be good for you to come over tonight to talk a little more. I can order some dinner for us. Only if you want to. I just don’t think… I don’t want to leave things this way.”

A sudden bolt of anger streaked through you, fiery hot. You clenched your jaw. He didn’t want to leave things this way? He had no qualms with leaving things this way when he’d let your entire relationship go down the drain all those years ago. And now he just got to waltz back in and invite you over for dinner and pretend he didn’t cause you the worst heartbreak you’d ever felt? After you had finally gotten yourself close to okay again, he got to come back in and ruin everything, knock you right back down to where you started? That wasn’t fucking fair.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” you said, and it wasn’t a lie. You still had one more interview after leaving the Smosh offices. You’d be completely worn out by the time that was done, especially on top of the exhaustion from the emotional rollercoaster that you’d boarded against your will.

“I’ll send the address anyway,” Shayne said. “Don’t feel pressured to come. If you don’t, I completely get it. You can delete the text and block my number if you want. I swear that after this I’ll never bother you again. But just in case.”

“Okay,” you replied. You really didn’t want to argue with him. You just wanted to track down Michelle and the band and go on your way to the next interview and try to forget about everything that had happened in the last three days. “Fine.”

He nodded and pulled out his phone, and after a moment you felt your own vibrate in your back pocket. You wondered briefly if he had your number memorized, which would have been kind of weird, or if he’d just never deleted your contact information. The notion that the latter might be true made your heart skip a beat.

Once he had repocketed his phone, he looked up at you. There was a moment of lingering silence where it was clear that neither of you knew what to say.

Finally, you lifted your hand in farewell. “It’s been, um… it was good to see you again, Shayne.” Bold-faced lie number four. “Bye.”

“Bye, Y/N,” he said.

Doing your best to ignore the tightness in his voice, you walked past him out of the room and scurried off to meet up with the band. You found them talking to Courtney, Damien, and another girl that you didn’t recognize. She was about Courtney’s height, Chinese, with brown hair and eyes.

“Ready to go, Y/N?” Piper asked.

“I think so,” you said. You turned to Damien and nodded your head over your shoulder. “Got a minute for goodbye?”

He nodded and the two of you retreated away from the rest of the group, not leaving their view but definitely out of earshot. “I’m sorry I couldn’t warn you,” he said.

“It’s okay, Damien, really,” you replied. You reached out to squeeze his arm reassuringly. “This weekend was wild for everybody involved. At least we got to see each other again, right? This has been really nice.”

He grinned and pulled you into another bear hug. “Yeah, it has been,” he said, and you felt it as a rumble in his chest more than you actually heard it. When you parted, he left one hand lingering on your arm and squeezed lightly before it dropped to his side. “Call sometime, okay? I’ve missed you.”

“Will do, Dames.” You glanced over your shoulder and saw Michelle looking at you expectantly. She tapped her wristwatch. You sighed. “I gotta run. I’ll see you around.”

He nodded and said a final goodbye before you turned to make your way back to the band. You noted on your way that Shayne had returned from the conference room. He was talking to Courtney and the brunette now.

You ignored the feeling of his eyes on you as you walked out of the offices and into the LA sunlight beyond.

***

Shayne came back from the conference room a few seconds after you did. He did his best not to watch you and Damien saying goodbye, did his best to push down the surge of jealousy as you hugged him. You were smiling up at him and it seemed easy, carefree. It was like you’d just seen each other yesterday. He wished he could be like that with you, even though he knew why he couldn’t. He was doomed to sad smiles and airless rooms and awkward tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

If time travel was real, he’d go back to that final night with you and kick his own ass.

Damien’s hand on his shoulder startled him out of his self-loathing. He turned to face his best friend and didn’t bother concealing the hurt on his face; Damien would see right past it even if he tried.

“You okay?” Damien asked. Shayne let out a strangled laugh. Of course he wasn’t okay.

“I feel like somebody tried to wring all the water out of my body,” he replied.

“What’s up with you today?” Courtney asked, and Shayne startled. He’d sort of forgotten she was there.

Shayne sighed. He figured he might as well tell her; she’d probably find out at some point anyway. That or she’d piece it together herself.

“Y/N and I used to be a couple, way back when,” he said. Courtney’s eyes went almost comically wide. “And it… didn’t end very well. Seeing each other again has been really fucking weird for both of us.”

“That’s why she cried when she sang Towers,” Courtney said, more to herself than to anyone in the room. She looked at Damien. “Is that why you know her? ‘Cause of her and Shayne?”

Damien shook his head. “Me and her were friends first. I introduced them.”

Courtney nodded slowly, obviously trying to process this new information. “Oh,” she said. Shayne couldn’t tell where her brain was (he rarely could). If he had to guess, he’d say she was probably combing over her every memory of the past weekend and looking for any indications of the history between you and Shayne. Sure enough, she continued after a moment: “that’s why she looked so constipated when we were at the photo op, and why you ‘needed some air’ halfway through the concert, and why you got all weird when I put my arm around your shoulders before, and why you disappeared after --” she stopped, her brows furrowing for a moment and then raising suddenly. She smirked. “Where’d you go after you finished filming, Shayne? You both came back pretty much at the same time.”

“Courtney --” Shayne said, voice scolding, trying to get her to stop whatever hellish train of thought she was getting onto.

“You’re still in love with her, huh?” Olivia said. She’d been silent for most of the conversation, but she was looking at him like she could see into his soul. Shayne froze. Was he that fucking obvious?

“Still in love with who?” Ian’s voice to his left startled him.

Courtney and Olivia stopped talking now, which Shayne was grateful for. They at least had the decency to let Shayne tell Ian on his own. Everyone looked from Ian to Shayne and back.

“Uh --” Shayne said. “I, um…”

“Is this about whatever weird shit is between you and the girl from the band?” Ian asked. Shayne threw his hands in the air, frustrated. Did the whole world know? Was he that easy to read?

“How did you…?”

“I’ve known you for almost five years, Shayne,” Ian replied. “You looked like you wanted to die during that entire shoot. There were a couple of moments it was so bad that I almost asked Courtney to come in and take your place. But the crew people said it didn’t come through on camera, so I just chalked it up to the fact that I know you so well. You also left with her right after we were done filming. Putting two and two together here doesn’t exactly take a rocket scientist.”

Shayne sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, which made it look even more insane than it usually did. “We dated years ago. The way it ended was my fault. I shouldn’t have broken up with her. I shouldn’t have let her go. She was… she is one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. This weekend has rubbed everything I did wrong right into my face.”

“Is that it, then?” Courtney asked. “She walks out of here and you let her? After the universe, fate, whatever you wanna call it put in all the effort to bring you together again… you let her go? You repeat your biggest mistake?”

Shayne had to force down an anguished sound at that. He knew Courtney was trying to get him to chase after you, but in reality, she was probably right. You wouldn’t want to come to his apartment to talk things out. You wouldn’t want to see him after everything. You wouldn’t forgive him. And he didn’t deserve your forgiveness, anyway. You were absolutely right to ignore the invitation.

“I asked if she would come over,” he said. He was trying to be hopeful. But he’d seen the way your eyes narrowed when he invited you to his place. Your jaw had dropped and then tightened in that way it did when you were torn between anger and disbelief. “If she does, maybe we can talk things out. But it’s been years. I don’t know if she’ll… I don’t know, you guys.”

He was breathing, that much he knew, but he was sort of starting to wonder if someone had poked a hole in his trachea because he was pretty sure the air wasn’t making it to his lungs. He looked around at his friends, all staring at him like he should know the answer, like he should be able to just whip a magical solution out of his ass and call it a day, a happy ending with a neat little bow.

“I’m gonna take a walk,” he said, a little louder than necessary, because the room was suddenly way too fucking small. Before anyone could object, he walked quickly away from the group and down the hall until he found an empty soundstage. He slumped against the wall and slid down onto the ground. The events of the last three days were piling onto his shoulders like bricks. Memories of you were branded onto his brain and he couldn’t stop replaying them, a highlight reel of what he’d had and what he’d lost. You, years ago, laughing and looking at him like he was the only person in the room. You, years ago, standing in the living room, looking at him like he’d just driven a knife through your heart.

In an instant, he felt like Atlas, holding the weight of his own mistakes. Holding memories both good and bad; your first date, your first kiss, your first fight. You had said ‘I love you’ first because he wasn't brave enough, and you’d looked terrified as you did it, like you were afraid he’d laugh at you and push you away. You’d always looked half-scared, he realized; scared of rejection and pain and heartbreak. And he’d gone and thrown those fears right back in your face.

It took about three seconds for Shayne to collapse in on himself. He barely made it to the couch before his knees gave out on him. He stared up at the ceiling for a long while, desperately trying to process whatever the hell had just happened.

You were gone, and the apartment felt empty without you. It was a new type of loneliness, one he’d never experienced before. He felt a little like his chest was caving in and little like he was astral projecting, like he wasn’t quite contained within the walls of his body. He reached for his phone and sent you a barely-coherent text, apologizing and asking you to come home. And then he texted Damien and asked if he was home. He needed someone’s company.

He stared up at his ceiling while he awaited a response, considering all the things that had led him to this newest, most monumental fuck-up. Suddenly, the time he’d forgotten your birthday made him look like Boyfriend of the Year.

And then he reached into his pocket and he produced the little blue box he’d gotten just yesterday, and he opened it and looked at the ring inside. Not too flashy -- he didn’t have the money for any big diamonds, and you’d once joked that you didn’t want your engagement ring to weigh five tons. He smiled at the memory and traced his finger over the small diamond at the center of the ring.

God, what the fuck had he just done?

Shayne’s head thumped against the wall behind him, and he cried.

[matpisound]

memes, and the role of music

Yeah, you heard me right. I'm gonna be talking about memes. Lately, I've been thinking about how much music has become intertwined with meme culture, and how certain songs can become memes on their own. Given that I write a music blog, I thought I'd write about my thoughts on the subject. How DOES music reach meme status?

Well first, we have to define what a meme even is. Obviously it's not just an image edited with a funny caption in Impact font or oversaturated to the point at which it's incomprehensible. Music has to be involved somewhere in there, or else this whole argument falls to pieces. There has to be a broader definition somewhere, right? Yes, there is, and it gives us a perfect grounding for establishing the meme status of music. According to Wikipedia, the term "meme" was coined in Richard Dawkin's book The Selfish Gene, and it defines the word as a cultural entity that can be considered a replicator; basically an idea that can be spread by people copying it and showing it to others, and it can include images, melodies, behaviors, and anything else that can easily be transmitted.

So why does this matter? We can now devise a way to categorize music memes based on what aspect of culture they appeal to. I won't go into every single meme song that exists, but I will go over some of the biggest meme songs in the past couple of years, and there are four main categories that all of them fall into:

Songs that have some sort of cultural significance on their own

Songs relating to shared cultural experiences

Songs that serve as part of a meme, without which the meme potential is lost

Remixes, typically of a sound that has cultural significance

For songs with their own cultural significance, we need look no further that January 2021 with the sea shanty craze; specifically, "The Wellerman". It's a perfect example of how social media has become embedded in musical culture and how sites like TikTok can bring people together through features that allow collaboration. Adam Neely made an in-depth video on this, but the gist of it was that the duet feature in TikTok allows people to come together with collaborative projects like singing sea shanties in a time when we're forced to stay apart. There are other songs that became memes through similar means. "Gangnam Style", "The Cha Cha Slide", and "The Cupid Shuffle" all became popular to the point of memes because they went viral on social media (mainly YouTube) and they were participatory in the sense they had signature dances, which were easy enough for anyone to do, solidifying them into a widespread culture. Some songs are memes due to their established presence in this culture, and they're songs people are expected to know either within a certain group or just in general. Just think "September", "Mamma Mia", and even "Renai Circulation" all became memes simply because of their existence within modern culture.

Culture also follows songs that are entertaining, i.e. funny, and funny songs are part of the epitome of meme culture. These come from the very early days of YouTube all the way to some of the newest TikTok audios. Take the keyboard cat on YouTube for example. Who doesn't love a cat in a suit playing some funky tunes on a keyboard? And Nyan Cat; an upbeat tune made out of synthesized meows while a cat with a PopTart for a body flies through space while farting rainbows. These random gems reflect the spirit of the internet in terms of creativity and just pure fun. There are also songs that are almost like musical shitposts; songs that have almost no meaning but exist for the sole purpose of entertainment through the random. Big Shaq's "Mans Not Hot" is such a fun song, and was really popular a few years ago because of its random lyrics and especially the verse that was just beatboxing. Songs that are so bad they're funny are popping up a lot as well. "Gucci Gang", sporting a laughably terrible sounding beat and 99% of the lyrics just being "Gucci Gang", climbed its way up to meme status just because of how bad it was. The meme status of these songs depends on the hilarity and ridiculousness that internet memes were founded on, and because of that, have embedded themselves into the worldwide meme culture.

Next is songs that relate to shared cultural experiences, so basically all of the movie tunes, game soundtracks, and just other experiences that aren't inherently musical, but contain musical elements. Everyone loves Smash Mouth's "All Star", and was popularized through none other than the hit movie Shrek. On its own it's a great song, but it's unlikely it would have reached the fame it has today had it not been for Shrek, which in and of itself has become a meme. Of course, the other one that everyone knows is "Megalovania" from the game Undertale. Its simple musical motifs combined to make it the insanely recognizable tune it is today, and has almost detached itself from its source entirely. Mario Kart has had several songs that have become memes, including "Coconut Mall" as well as "Dolphin Shoals", which gave birth to the famous Mario Kart Lick. And who could forget about Star Wars with its main theme, "The Imperial March", and "Duel of the Fates" among others. Lazy Town gave us a few gems as well, like "Cooking by the Book" and of course "We Are Number One". Most of these reach meme status because there are simple musical elements that make them instantly recognizable and can trigger pleasant memories of whatever media they came from, that media being a shared piece of culture among the majority of a generation. "All Star" begins that iconic leap from the the root to the fifth of the scale on the opening line, and "Coconut Mall" creates that frenzied feeling like entering a Macy's on Black Friday which just makes it so fun to listen to.

I need to take a minute to comment on the songs in this category that arguably had the biggest impact on the culture of this generation: Minecraft Parodies. Simply say "Creeper" in a room full of high schoolers and I guarantee you it will be followed by a chorus of "Aww man", most likely followed by the rest of the song. You probably already know what song I'm talking about. "Revenge" by CaptainSparklez and Tryhardninja was the song that powered a generation of Minecrafters, and its resurgence in recent years was met with a flash flood of nostalgia and overall good vibes. We had other hits that grew to immense popularity, like "Fallen Kingdom" and "TNT", along with countless others (and I really do mean countless). The parody craze was so prevalent, some people who otherwise probably never would have gotten into music began releasing hit songs. Not to mention all of the original Minecraft songs that came into the spotlight, like "Take Back the Night", "Creepers Gonna Creep", and so many others. This craze spread beyond Minecraft to some newer games like Fortnite, which allowed the creation of one of the most popular parodies today: Leviathan's "Chug Jug with You". Overall, these helped define a generation and not only allowed musicians to be involved in the things they like, but also allowed many people into the world of music.

This next category involves music that became associated with a certain format, as in there's little to no meme within the music outside of that format. The one everyone knows is the iconic Rickroll, the act of building suspense and breaking the tension with the beginning to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" rather than whatever else would logically release tension. Meme formats are tailored to the individual song, and this is no different. The song begins with a sudden electronic drum fill before going into an upbeat 80s dance tune. Often the video preceding the Rickroll will build up to something desirable to the viewer, and that sudden fill subverting their expectations invokes a sense of disappointment, having been cheated out of their reward. However, the fun sound of the rest of the song helps ease that disappointment. The Coffin Dance and Shot on iPhone memes employed a similar concept by building up tension and releasing it by cutting to the music. However, here the music played throughout to help build up that tension while a video, often depicting someone doing something risky or getting hurt in some way, cutting to just the music at the climax of the clip. This employs driving principle of EDM, building up tension and releasing it at the drop. The meme works by mirroring that suspense and resolution of the video with that of the song, and that resolution being different than what would otherwise logically happen is what allows the meme to spread. Obviously, this isn't the only way songs can be part of a format; songs like "Baka Mitai" and "Shooting Stars" have all had their time to shine. However, these memes that work to subvert the expectations of the audience arguably have the biggest impact of the songs in this category.

Finally, we have the remixes, which typically involve altering any of the songs from the above categories. One of the most popular forms of the remix is the mashup, and who better to bring up here than the legendary SilvaGunner, whose videos advertise a track from a video game OST, but end up being some other meme mashed up into it. The reason mashups work as memes is because it subverts our expectations, even when we know it's a mashup. Our brains know how each song goes, but when we listen to them together it creates something completely new that either sounds great or absolutely horrendous. Yet we still listen to them because they're interesting. Additionally, remixing a meme song in a funny way is a common form of musical meme. It can occur through, super heavy distortion, or repeating a section of a song throughout the song at a level far more than a mere motif, or deleting parts of a song leaving only the memeable parts, or simple pitch shifting, among so many other ways of remixing. The possibilities are endless. The reason remixes are such good memes is they take songs with cultural significance and change them entirely, giving them a whole new meaning.

Well there you have it. Music and memes have gone hand-in-hand since the very beginning, and as culture evolves and memes become more advanced, there's no doubt that these threads will entangle themselves even further. Thanks for reading and if you have any interesting thoughts on music memes or just wanna talk about your favorite ones, feel free to share! That's all, and I'll catch you at the double barline!

[yourdeepestfathoms]

We’re Five (and a half)

“Catherine, this isn’t going to work!”

“Will you stop complaining? You’ve been on my ass about this since we got back from the hospital! Understand that Anna’s only understudy that’s free today won’t get here until her plane lands. Which will take four more hours!! We don’t have a choice!”

“Isn’t there anyone else that can go on as Anna of Cleves?”

“Unless you can magically pull another girl who has all the lines and blocking memorized out of your ass, then I don’t think so!”

“Well, at least you don’t have to stand next to her!”

“Will you just be quiet?! You are driving me insane! And don’t forget it’s Kitty’s fault that more blood had to be taken!”

“It is not!”

“She played with the pouch and dropped it!!”

“...So?”

“Oh my god—”

Aragon rolled her eyes at the silver queen and stomped onto the stage. She diminished her rage when she got near their Anna of Cleves understudy- Joan, who had three pints of blood sucked out of her just an hour ago after the first two pouches were ruined by slippery hands and a certain hot pink queen with a mother who refuses to own up to what her daughter did. The blood was for the actual Cleves since the woman was going through surgery to get a hernia removed and Joan was the only person who shared her rare blood type: O-. And because she couldn’t be there, her donor had to go on for that evening show for her. And it wouldn’t have been a problem if, again, it hadn’t been three whole pints.

“How are you feeling, sweet girl?” Aragon asked, gently touching the understudy’s shoulder.

Joan looked up from her hands, which she had been gazing at as if they were made out of the most valuable jewels in human history. She blinked several times, but her eyes still remained very cloudy. Her pupils were way too big.

“‘M fine,” She said, reaching out to also touch Aragon’s shoulder, but missing completely. Her hand awkwardly flaps in the air, not understanding why there wasn’t a queen under its palm, then pulled back after a moment of hovering. “I’m feeling...great!”

Aragon smiled wryly. “That’s good. The costume feels okay?”

Joan looked down at the light blue alt costume she had been put into, since Cleves’ actual one didn’t fit her. She looked back up at Aragon with an awed expression.

“I forgot I was even wearing clothes!” She exclaimed. “Wow. This is very.....” She trailed off.

“Joan.” Aragon shook her slightly.

“Hi.” Joan snapped awake. She reached out and felt Aragon’s face. “Hello.”

“Hello, sweetheart.” Aragon replied. “We’re going to get started really soon. Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Joan nodded lazily. “I got all the lines! And dances!”

“Good.”

“Great.”

Aragon gave her another quick smile before patting her shoulder and getting into line with the others. Several of them were glancing nervously at Joan, who kept swaying treacherously on the heels she was wearing.

“Ooh can’t see—” Joan said after the blackout.

“Hsst.” Jane hissed.

It wasn’t long before Ex-Wives began and it went surprisingly well. Not great, not even good, but it was enough. Perhaps new viewers would think that Anna of Cleves bumping into literally everyone was how the song was always scripted. But at least the little blood Joan still had pumping through her body fueled her enough to stay in tune and remember all the wounds, even if the introduction solo was mumbled more than spoken. But still!! They made it— SHE made it.

Somehow.

The show ran through the first speaking portion until they eventually got to the first lady in waiting shout-out. The sudden rise in Aragon’s tone seemed to snap Joan out of whatever reverie that had been hypnotizing her and she spun around to face the band so fast she nearly spiraled right down to the floor in a tornado of baby blue and black rhinestones.

“We got Maggie on the guitar!” Anne shouted, and her dear friend played her solo.

“Bessie...yeah!” Joan said helpfully, flapping a hand in the bassist’s direction, who was so daunted by the awkward introduction that she hesitated a second before rushing into her solo.

“And killing it on the keys, we got Joan,” Jane said, slightly startled by the actual Joan’s mess up.

“That’s me,” Joan whispered to herself as she alt played her bit.

“And with beats so sick they’ll give you gout is Maria on the drums!” Aragon said hurriedly, casting Joan an uneasy glance.

“So, you’ve come to party with us old school.” Joan said right after, and although her timing was on point, she somehow managed to slur every single word in the line.

“Really, really old school,” Jane recited, then began to laugh. Joan laughed, too, until Kitty not-so-subtly kicked her in the shin, which was nearly enough to bring her to the floor if Jane hadn’t shot out an arm and grabbed the girl by the shoulder. Her laughter died off as she craned her neck around and shot Kitty a “don’t you dare do that again or so help me—” look.

Jane didn’t release Joan’s shoulder until they got to the “we’ve heard it all” bit. She actually found herself wincing when she pulled her hand back and saw the five angry red marks left in the girl’s skin from her pointy, perfectly manicured fingernails.

“Who lasted the longest was the strongest.”

“The biggest sinner is always the winner.”

“Who had the son takes number one.”

“Who was most chased shall be first...”

“Placed,” Jane whispered.

“Cased!” Joan shouted with too much volume and enthusiasm.

“No, placed!” Jane whisper-yelled again.

“Huh?”

“Who was most chased shall be first placed!” Jane finally just said for Joan.

“...The most inglorious shall be victorious!”

“The winning contestant was the most Protestant!”

And so, the show went on, punctuated by perfectly recited lines by five queens and horribly slurred ones by a lady in waiting missing three pints of her blood.

No Way soon began. All the singing and lines were done as usual, no problem, everything on point. The dancing, on the other hand... Well, the Anna of Cleves was a bit off, reviewers would definitely say after that performance. Like, really off. Like, “she’s two feet away from the other dancers and is continuously being chased down, grappled, and pulled back over by the Catherine Parr” kind of off. But nobody fell over, so it was okay!

However, those reviewers would definitely also mention how the Anna of Cleves weirdly said, “Why is she on her phone?” and then got mouthed to “shut the fuck up” by the Jane Seymour and Katherine Howard during the bit right before Don’t Lose Ur Head. But again! Nobody fell during that song, either! But then again, there were several close calls... That Anna of Cleves was wobbling A LOT. And then there was the blocking for Wearing Yellow To A Funeral where she would reach out and grab Anne Boleyn to stop her from cussing, but she apparently reached way too far, tipped forward, and definitely would have careened right off the stage if the Anne hadn’t spun around and caught her a second before she keeled over the edge.

“Over my dead body,” Aragon said immediately after that predicament, although her voice was lacking its usual bite to the words. It was covered up completely by worry for the girl Anne was trying to stand up straight.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jane said, moving on. “I’m pretty sure it’s my turn now.”

“You?” Joan said, voice dripping with exhaustion and fatigue. Her energy was running out fast.

“Oh, weren’t you the one he truly loved?” Kitty teased.

“Yeah, didn’t you give him the son he so desperately wanted?” Aragon added.

“Yeah, I actually had a daughter and he copped my head off.” Anne quipped.

“I had a son named Hercules,” Joan mused, and Cathy quickly covered her mouth before Kitty could kick her again.

Jane began her monologue and then soon started Heart of Stone. Aragon guided Joan over to the steps so she and the other queens could sit down during that song.

“How are you feeling?” Aragon whispered to Joan, rubbing her shoulder tenderly.

“Huh?” Joan said loudly, which caused a cacophony of “Shh!”’s and a confused glance over the shoulder by Jane.

“I asked how you’re feeling,” Aragon said again. She took one of Joan’s hands and stroked the knuckles with her thumb. She couldn’t tell if the girl was trembling out of fear or exhaustion—maybe both? Or maybe she was just vibrating as a symptom of blood loss.

“Oh.” Joan said. Then, she threw her head back, laughed, and didn’t say anything.

Kitty groaned and rolled her eyes. “We can’t keep her on anymore. She’s ruining the show!”

“Will you shut your fucking mouth?” Aragon hissed. “You kicked her! Oh yeah, don’t think I didn’t see that one, princess.”

Kitty huffed and looked away angrily.

“Yeah, but she has a point,” Anne said gently. “Look at her. Joan is suffering.”

“No I’m not,” Joan mumbled. “‘M just tired...” Her head lolled to the side and rested against Aragon’s shoulder.

“See!”

“No, no, no, no—” Joan spoke again. “I’m just- I’m okay— I just— Do you think I can sit down during Haus of Holbein?”

———

“Not only did the show as a whole feel like a humorous fever dream,” A Gen Z reviewer would later report on their blog, “but the most relatable thing that happened in the entire performance was when the Anna of Cleves sang Haus on Holbein while waving glow sticks and wearing giant light up sunglasses on the floor!”

———

mess

/mes/

a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties.

          "the economy is still in a terrible mess"

Calling Get Down such a word would be an understatement.

If it wasn’t the slurred singing, then it was the way Joan would seemingly black out in the middle of the song, and if it wasn’t either of those, then it was definitely how she felt the need to say, “I don’t know how to snap” into the microphone at the very beginning when everyone was supposed to snap along to the beat.

But that wasn’t all. Unfortunately.

The lack of blood in her body already made her very dizzy and out of it, but all the dancing and moving around definitely wasn’t helping. Her ankles would frequently buckle under her own weight and she would stumble awkwardly to the side, causing one of the other queens to frantically scramble after her and steady her.

And then there was the part where she was supposed to squat and sing to the front row near the very end. But that didn’t go as planned, because she was unable to hold herself up while kneeling and would have fallen right off the stage if Aragon hadn’t lunged forward and caught her. She then had to hold Joan up for the rest of that bit and then held her back to her feet afterwards. As she was slur-singing, Joan patted Aragon’s shoulder in thanks—except she missed Aragon’s shoulder and instead patted her face. Several times.

“Cause I’m the queen of the castle!” Joan finally concluded, then nearly fell over again, but the queens managed to anchor her upright. She winced at the applause she got. “Absolutely..heartbreaking....”

“That doesn’t sound horrible at all,” Aragon said.

“You- you are horrible..at all,” Joan garbled, stumbling forward slightly and Anne has to jump forward quickly and assist her down the staircase before she could fall and hurt herself. “I probably...won’t win the..uhh. Oh well, back to the— the— uh...”

“Palace,” The queens whispered in unison.

“Back to the palace!”

And so, the show went on. At that point, Joan’s brain had practically melted- the poor girl couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t anymore, and was solely running on muscle memory. Which wasn’t much because she wasn’t a regular performer.

“Guys, I have...the plague!” Joan shouted after the “boohoo baby Mary” speech by Jane. The queens turned to her and, as scripted, began to fuss and worry loudly. “Lol! Just kidding! I just got three pints of blood taken out of me and now I can’t feel a—”

A series of loud hushes and stern looks came from the queens until she shut her mouth. She gave them all a tired, pitiful look, now regretting her decision to do this—although she didn’t really remember WHAT she was doing at this point. She’s pretty sure she was performing...but she wasn’t completely sure.

All You Wanna Do soon began and that seemed to be an eternity of wrong dance moves, slurred harmonies, awkwardly placed hands on Kitty’s body, and several kicks from Kitty herself. In Joan’s shins.

During the big fight after that song, Joan just stood there looking dazed. The queens waited for her to say her line about Cathy’s consciousness, but she didn’t, so Anne had to jump in and say it for her while Kitty glared at the delirious understudy.

After that, I Don’t Need Your Love started up and Joan was content to just sit down and let her heart rest and resupply her body with blood, but she soon had to get back on her feet during the segment in the middle of the song.

“Who was Henry the VII’s wife?” Cathy asked.

Over the mix “I don’t know”’s, Joan mumbled, “I don’t even know where I am...”

Which was true. The blood loss was REALLY getting to her head.

“Yeah, because if we had realized,” Aragon said further in, “we could have thought of some really cool ways to, like, reclaim our stories for ourselves. You know, remove Henry’s love from our lives once and for all.”

“Aww,” Joan whined. “We could have done it as a thong.”

“SONG—” The queens yelped in a harmony of panic.

“Song!” Joan quickly corrected herself, but the damage was already done. The audience was going nuts at her mistake. Now the remainders of I Don’t Need Your Love would never recover. And it didn’t. But it was over.

Joan couldn’t stand still as she stood in the lineup for the last few lines. Her eyes kept closing and then snapping open—she didn’t know how much longer she could stay awake.

“We may just be remembered for being...” She trailed off tiredly.

“Married to Henry,” Kitty hissed, fed up with the understudy.

“Carried to Penry.” Joan said.

After a few confused glances to her, the show went on...somehow.

“Yes, we can redefine how we tell our stories,” Aragon said as the show was wrapping up, “but we can’t rewrite them.”

“And we wished we could tell you our lives had happy endings.” Jane added.

“But in...brutality...corn mint...” Joan slurred, then nearly collapsed but Jane was able to get her by the arm and hold her upright. Jane also had to keep her from beelining off the stage after the mock-ending.

“This is our show and we can literally do whatever we want!” Anne said, waltzing back up to the front of the stage. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Jane tugging Joan along with her.

“So, London, because we have five minutes left of the show!” Kitty went on, then looked at Joan expectantly.

Except Joan didn’t say her next line.

“We’ve decided to do our own,” Jane mouthed to Joan.

“Cheese hymen to do our clone,” Joan attempted to recite.

Jane stared at her in baffled horror before sputtering out, “Edited version.”

“Of what...really went down...all those years...bow tie....” Joan gurgled, her eyes fluttering shut. Kitty elbowed her in the rib cage to wake her up, which was rude, but at least worked. For now.

“Because we’re one of a kind,” Cathy began, glancing nervously at the understudy’s swaying form.

“No category,” Kitty went on.

“Chew many tears,” Joan mumbled weakly, and nobody cared enough to correct her at that point.

“Lost in history,”

“We’re free,”

“To take our crown in glory,”

“For five minutes,” They all, minus Joan, who was just awkwardly babbling along, harmonized. “We’re Six!”

And so, Six began. And it went really well if you didn’t look at the understudy for Anna of Cleves standing very still, clapping out of tune with everyone else. Or listen to the way she sang her bit as, “What a shame...la la la la la la la la la......” and then just hummed the rest weakly.

The show soon concluded. The final applause was given. There was an uproar of cheers, despite the awkwardness that happened during the entire performance. But it was over!

“Do you want one more song?” Kitty said, smirking teasingly at the audience.

The people cheered, ready for the MegaSix, and it was at that moment when Joan finally collapsed.

Kitty looked at her, then looked back at the audience, and said, “Nevermind.”

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Sixteen

"Mom I know you want us over this weekend, but it's so last minute and I'd have to talk to Harry about it." Louis said as he entered the house arms filled with grocery bags, his stepfather following close behind with more bags followed by the rest of his empty-handed family.

"Do you guys have plans or something? We can do it next weekend?"

"As far as I know we don't, but-" Louis trailed off hearing music coming from the studio, "Haz?!" Louis called out as he walked further into the house. Louis immediately recognized the song Harry gave him for Christmas playing in the studio. He set the bags down and headed to the stupid knocking gently before he opened it seeing Harry was asleep on the large beanbag with many journals strewn around the square coffee table across from the sofas. Louis stepped further into the room to lower the volume of the music playing then headed to Harry, but one of the pages in a journal caught his attention.

0928

You & I Strong Half A Heart If I Could Fly I Want to Write You a Song Change Your Ticket Drag Me Down History All of the Stars Perfect Dive A.M

Only one song title stuck out to Louis which was If I Could Fly. Louis set the journal down then looked over at Harry again.

"Haz." Louis said walking over to him running a hand through Harry's hair, "Haz." Harry hummed before he slowly opened his eyes blinking at Louis before he smile brightly.

"Sorry I guess I was more tired than I thought." Harry said as he rubbed his face as he shifted to a more comfortable position.

"It's okay. I did grocery shopping while I was on my way home. I thought we could do pizza or take out tonight."

"I was going to go grocery shopping you didn't need to."

"You won't let me pay any bills the least I can do is get groceries. You hungry? My family is here by the way."

"Yeah I'll um... I'll be out in a minute." Harry said looking around the room, "are they staying they night?"

"No, they were just in town and decided to join me grocery shopping and follow me here. They'll be leaving soon the girls have school tomorrow. I'll be out there." Louis kissed Harry's head then left the room, "Dan you don't have to put the groceries away I can-"

"I can do it too. Relax it's just groceries." Dan said making Louis roll his eyes playfully as he helped Dan. Harry came out of the studio a few minutes later stretching as he closed the door behind him.

"Hey ladies." Harry said

"Harry darling are you busy this weekend?" Jay asked

"Why?" Harry said

"Well I was thinking we all get together Saturday for a cookout at our house. I was hoping you and Louis would come down for the weekend. Come Friday stay until Sunday. I was also hoping you could invite your family."

"Oh. What did Louis say?" Harry asked looking at Louis

"I told her that since it was last minute, we would talk about it but I didn't make any promises or give any answers." Louis said

"Well then we shall talk and let you know tomorrow." Harry said looking at Jay who nodded satisfied

"We best get going girls, long drive back to Doncaster." After saying goodbye to his family Louis entered back into the kitchen to see Harry with a few menus on the island.

"What are we in the mood for?" Harry asked

"I'm in the mood to know about what you're working on in there." Louis said jumping on top of island

"I meant food wise." Harry said looking at him, "but if you must know it's a surprise."

"A surprise. A surprise for who? Me or the fans?"

"You mostly. Actually, I'm finished with it, but I haven't decided if I want to hear it all before the release date or not."

"I vote before."

"Maybe."

"How many are there?"

"About you? 10 out of 12, one is dedicated to my family and one is dedicated to the fans. I haven't gotten the order down yet, but the songs are finished, and the team likes it."

"One song then." Louis said, "wait. When's the release date?"

"It's a surprise, but not for another four months."

"A song biweekly leaving the last four a mystery. Please." Louis said wrapping his arms and legs around Harry, "come on Haz two songs a month."

"Maybe-"

"I'll give you a blowjob for every song if you sing them to me." Harry laughed shaking his head as he grabbed a menu and looked at the items listed

"Are we thinking Indian? Thai? Chinese?" Harry listed, Louis huffed jumping down and turning around to look at the menus on the island. Harry pressed up against his back and gently kissed his neck sweetly before he held up a few menus.

"How about pizza? I want something easy. I'm exhausted. Long day today."

"Of course. I'm sorry I haven't asked yet, but how was work? The rugrats being terrors today?" Harry asked rubbing his shoulders after handing Louis his phone and a few pizza places menus for him to choose from.

"Not so much that, but we had inspection today and since I'm the oldest employee I oversaw the tour and such. We passed so don't worry, but we got news on Annabelle." Harry stopped for a second before he resumed aware that Annabelle had suffered a seizure the day before after a minor fall that shouldn't have caused such a thing.

"Is she okay?"

"It's cancer. They had to shave her head, but good news is that it's a safe removal with a high chance of success. She's upset she lost her hair though, but her mom is looking at options."

"I'll donate it." Harry said immediately making Louis look back at him, "you and I both know she loves my curls. I'd cut it off for her and get a wig made."

"But...I love your curls too." Louis said looking at the long curly hair that fell past Harry's shoulders now

"It'll grow back and I'm not getting a buzzcut. Just short enough so she has a good 15-26 inches. Talk to her mother next time and just ask alright?"

"You'll leave enough for me to grab right?" Louis asked watching as Harry's eyes widen as he brushed, but he nodded

"Course." Harry said grabbing a random menu then his phone before he dialed the pizza place and ordered a large meat lovers.

****** Louis pulled into the driveway staring at Harry as he put a few duffle bags into the backseat of his range rover. He now has short hair about 2 inches off the scalp and despite already missing the long hair Louis could still see the hair curling. Parking the car in the garage for the weekend he got out and walked over to Harry.

"I miss the long hair, but you look amazing in short hair. Has your fans cried yet?"

"They don't know actually. I thought we'd take a picture together later or something. Also, I only need to get one more thing then we can get on the road."

"Alright." Louis said climbing into the passenger seat, Harry got into the drivers seat a few minutes later with two clear CD sleeves that he handed to Louis one had '0928' on it and the other had 'draft' on it.

"They want to push the special one forward, it's still in the debate area, but with me working on my next big album that'll I'll possibly tour with and it being mostly finished they want to start promoting it which means the surprise one has to be out. We are looking at a mid-2017 release. Either way I usually let my friends and family listen to my drafts. So, since Liam, Niall, and Zayn are going to be there I figured we can all listen together and the other one is for you. This one won't have any promo. It'll most likely be dropped in the middle in the night or afternoon randomly the day of release. So, before we set a release date, I wanted you to have the first finished copy then I was hoping I could ask Zayn to make a collage of photos for the album cover. Since it's a gift and not really an album I'll promote a lot." Harry explained seeing his confused face

"So, I can listen to them?" Louis asked as he looked at the song list in the finished album first

"You can. You can listen to them anytime you want. However not on the car radio. My phone has all of them on playlists you can listen to. They're not in order yet, it's still one of the things I have to do." Louis grabbed Harry's phone and a set of earphones, "Wait you're listening now?"

"Yes why?"

"Well I don't want to know if you hate it."

"Harry I couldn't hate anything you make. Look I can avoid some if you want me to. Just tell me what you don't want me to listen to and I won't."

"It's not that. It's just what if you make a face."

"Just focus on the road Harold." Louis said rolling his eyes as he out the earphones in his ears watching as Harry pulled into a gas station, "Get me tea?"

"Of course. Anything else?"

"A snack for the road that I promise to feed to you."

"You're a child." Harry said by his way of replying as he got out of the vehicle. Louis went to Harry's iTunes and went to the playlists clicking on the 0928 one first. He scrolled started from the first one which was Drag Me Down.

Louis was proud of himself as he watched his childhood home come into view, he had only cried twice. One time during Dive and another during the song he was listening to now which was All of the Stars which was the last one on the playlist.

"I hope those tears are good." Harry said as he pulled into the driveway watching at the front door swung open and Jay stood there waving and grinning at them.

"It's beautiful. You know it's beautiful. I don't know why you were so nervous." Louis said removing the earbuds to look at Harry who was blushing, "I love you."

"I love you too. Are you sure your mother won't let us stay in a hotel tonight?"

"Positive. Why?" Louis asked watching Harry blush more as he looked at Jay, "I had plans for when I let you listen to the songs for the first time ."

"What sort of plans?" Louis asked, "We can definitely have...plans...in my childhood bedroom you know." Louis said wiggling his eyebrows

"Not the plans I had planned." Harry said before he leaned over the middle console and pressed a soft kiss against Louis' lips, "For the record if you think I'm going to suck you off or let you suck me off five feet from your family you're insane and I will chop it off if you even try to get me hard."

"Noted." Louis said kissing Harry again then they turned and opened their car doors to get out. Harry grabbed their bags then followed Louis into the house greeting his mother at the door. Louis led the way to his old room and helped Harry put their stuff away before they joined his family downstairs