#My self esteem is at a pretty bad place now I think

[phagodyke]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

[soapcloth]

CW: 18+ MDNI, price x scam caller!reader, cyber stalking - unedited - dividers -> @/cafekitsune

Can you imagine being in a rough place when a friend of a friend of a friend manages to rope you into scam calling?

And when your first target ever is John Price?

He knows something is up instantly. He knows you don’t work for a bank, not with the way your voice shakes and tumbles over your script- but he lets you think he believes you, lets you give him the runaround, even throws you one of the gift cards you’ve been told to ask for. It’s not too bad when he gets to listen to your cute voice for the duration of the call, guiding him through the steps.

Slowly and without your knowledge, he gathers information on you and the office you’re calling from- taps into your camera too. He watches you fuss and frown as he begins to mess up small tasks, then when you’re trying to get him back on track, he drops your full legal name.

The line falls silent.

“That’s you, isn’t it love?”

There’s a smile audible in his voice as you sputter with wide eyes, processing what’s happening.

“Don’t hang up-“ he orders and you comply, you can tell it wouldn’t end well if you did. “Not nice to scam old men, you hard on cash?”

You lower your voice so no one else in the room can hear. “Yes, sir.”

He’s grateful for your honesty, but he’d much rather hear a phrase like that while you’re bouncing on his lap.

“I don’t like being taken for a fool, but I’m a nice man.” His tone is self important. “Tell me- do you like this job? Do you feel good when you successfully scam other old folk?”

Through the webcam, you look about ready to cry as your head bows down into the cheap office cubicle. “S-sir, you- th-this was my first day.”

“-Shh, it’s okay love.” He coos “you’re not in trouble.”

You sniffle quietly.

“-But you do owe me back what you’ve taken. I’m not a man you steal from.”

You pale, he had sent you a pretty hefty amount- but it had already gone to the person running the operation. “I-I don’t- I can’t-“

“We can work something out.” He hums as his eyes flit over your home address on the screen in front of him, readjusting in his seat. “-Like I said, I’m a nice man. Now, go home and be good for me, have to send in some reports on your esteemed employer. I have your personal number, love. I’ll be in touch.”

[euphoria-looney]

Who Said Money Can't Buy Happiness?

"I want that new money. Crisp money, Straight-from-the-mint money. Fresh money. Young money. Push against the tide~" New Money from the Great Gatsby.

Yan?Batfam x Neglected!F!Reader

Pt. 1

Divider Creds: @selysie and @anitalenia

This plot was inspired by @niwaart and @mimiiiiiiiiisstuff

You know I've never pegged myself as the type to be too careless and get hit by a truck, because I'm not, that truck rammed into me and I was on the sidewalk, so, if I wake up, I'm suing.

That's what I thought would happen if I woke up in my world. newsflash, and spoilers, I seemed to wake up in this cliche bat family story as the neglected girl. This is actually the story "I Stole the Loving Family of the Villainess."

We follow around a girl named Serena, a cute name, by the way. It fits her as the female lead. She has blond hair and blue eyes, and multiple love interests, from Connor Kent to Wally West, and so on. She is adopted by the royal family, the Waynes.

And do you see this cute portrait with her in the middle brothers to the left, sisters to the right, parents on each side of her, oh and how can I forget even the main bulter, and can you see that small blot of paint, if you squit a little more. Ah- there I am.

That blot of paint- that's me.

While I'm monologing this I'm PUSHING SERENA DOWN THE STAIRS.

You know you can't help but feel bad for me like I'm the legitimate daughter and I get nothing.

Yes, you hear this my bitches, bros, and non-binary hoes. I'm the Villainess. If you guys spent less time fondling over the basic y/n of a female lead you realize how miserable [name] is as a character.

Her mom is too busy caring for her other siblings that she finds it too bothersome to deal with the least talented or least intelligent that goes for Alfred too because, in this story, we're royalty meaning more than one maid and butler, so why waste your time when you can have someone else do it.

Doesn't help that [name] has ears so she hears every mocking word that is uttered by her servants.

And of course, the main family does not give a pinky toe if she dies so that's so cool.

So [name] being a cliche Villainess is exactly stupid and untalented but all she wanted was her family's love and affection which is why she kept sabotaging Serena, which led her to her death.

Getting her memories suck, I mean my ego that was skyrocketing got hit with a pebble which is not a lot but that's because my ego is huge, this girl put herself down so much that I swear if her self-esteem was a rock she'd be crushed by now.

I mean the size of her self-esteem was so low it would be the opposite of my ego.

I mean how can it not be high? I'm rich, pretty, intelligent, and I've had diplomas in more than one field, Mary Sue? More like Barbie. I'm perfect, in more ways than one, except for relationships I've lacked in that department but I've never had one before so does that count? No.

Did I mention I was rich?

So anyway got her memories, it's so... tragic, but don't worry snookums because even in this life there's one defining trait that I still have, I'm rich. Okay, so not rich out of my pocket, I am a princess umkay, but I wasn't a woman in multiple men's fields for nothing.

Anyway back to the case in point, before I "woke" up [name] was having an impulse, her hands were itching to shove this one good orphaned girl that stole her place in the family, what timing do I have to come back right when [name] decided to take action on the impulse.

Hey, at least a perk of being the main character is that you don't take any damage whether that be physically inside or out. But I don't think the family will let it slide they are yanderes.

Yandere is a term for a character who is initially normal but soon develops an obsessive-compulsive grip on the person they like.

"I-I don't know one second I was walking down the stairs and the next I f-fell... but the only person behind me was [n-name]" Serena whimpered, ah- yes the struggles of a female lead the stuttering.

"[name] I can't believe you shoved Serena! This is-" Meet Palmola, my mother.

"So what?"

"Huh?" Palmola's eyes widened.

No in fact the whole family's eyes were in shock.

Since [name] would always make some batshit crazy excuse like the ghost of Grandpa pushed her or something. But why lie, I did shove her, for a good reason too.

"She walks so slow and sloppy, does she have any etiquette? I hope she would, with the amount of time she likes to spend with you Palmola. Fast, efficient, but proper. You did drill that into my head since I was young, didn't you? You even got mad when I did it wrong, is it so wrong I treat her like how I was treated?"

"Young lady-!"

"We'll discipline her later, Serena are you alright? Here take my arm sweetheart." Bruce let Serena wrap her arm around his.

The siblings paired up with each other, and Palmola took one of her son's arms. Leaving me with no one. A normal occurrence, at first it did numbers in the social circles, and still does, so each time I was left embarrassed. How annoying.

"Announcing the Imperial Family, the Gotham Empire, The Waynes."

Everyone flocked to each of the family but mainly focused their attention on Serena, whether it be her face, jewelry, dress, or how sweet she was compared to me.

"Announcing the Imperial Family, the Metro Empire, The Kents." Meet two of the love interests that right she goes for the big brother and the little brother, originally I'm engaged to Connor, but tonight that would change, the engagement is getting annulled, and his reason to the court is "I have set my eyes on someone new, and with many competitors, I can't lose."

It wasn't hard for anyone to know who it was, I think the only one that didn't notice was Serena herself.

Actually, this was a huge arc in the story when all the love interests fight for her love, there was no victor as she did the poly relationship, which really confuses me doesn't she need to make many offspring for each of the families respectable titles, you can't just combine into one entire thing, can you? That be very messy, I guess you could just give away titles but then who gets-

Anyway, that had a lot of readers mad, usually the whychoose situation would be okay, but she mainly focused on Conner so there was actually no reason to choose this route.

Never mind, that's a conversation for another day that I'll just forget.

Connor approaches me grabbing both my hands, attracting attention.

"[name] there's something I have to confess..."

"You're breaking off the engagement"

"I'm breaking- wait what?"

"You've found someone new, that has many competitors and you can't lose a battle you haven't even tried winning, I get it. But I'd like a downpayment of 10,000 gold and you can give the 490,000 gold later to my personal account and we call it even. Deal?" Hustling, though it's a 50/50 shot with many deals with enough eyes on us I'm sure he'll give in.

"S-sure, right. Right- I'll get that to you immediately-" I gave his hand a firm shake before heading off to the...

If you guessed balcony you're wrong, I'm heading over to the food table.

"Did just see what happened?"

"Is she planning something?"

"500,000 gold?!"

"Sister, what are you planning?" Barbara came over.

Also, who calls their sibling sister, like sure, that works.

"What do you mean?"

"That marriage was meant to connect our kingdoms, you'd let that go so easily, and we both know your gaze on Connor, what are you planning." She spoke through her fan, in a hushed voice.

If I made a scene as to not let him go I'd be embarrassing you guys, but if I show that I'm okay with him leaving me I'm ruining a political standing that wouldn't even work out, I'd still do something wrong.

"Have some decorum sister, we haven't had a proper conversation in years, and this is the first thing you say to me? Typical Barbara you think you know everything since you're older and more "mature""

You could tell Barbara didn't take that lightly as she gripped the fan handle tightly, I literally didn't even do anything.

"I'll spare you from any more veins popping up on that face, don't be an ass, we both knew Connor is in love with Serena and that me begging him not to break the engagement would only bring shame onto our family, so I did us both a favor and ended it." I tossed my hair back before grabbing some croissants that were covered in chocolate, powdered sugar, and some strawberries.

Life really is great.

"What about the scandal that would break out."

"Again, it would break out either way, now do me a favor and go back to your group they're staring at me and it's ruining the snack that I have on my plate."

She let out a deep breath before heading off.

Speaking of which I'd rather have a place to place my food and eat it, pretty sure there's a table in the garden under the gazebo if I remember correctly and I don't but whatever.

Just to find a moping Jon.

"Should you be out here?"

"It's unfair once again he gets to have everything"

Oh? Do tell.

I raised an eyebrow at him cutting my croissant in half before placing a half in front of him.

He finally looks up his face turned shocked like I was a ghost or something.

"[name]?!"

I bit into my croissant, nodding.

"Why'd you have to go and break off the engagement, now I have Connor as competition."

I knew this happened in the novel but I just remembered how young he was he's around Damian's age and I'm about the same age as Serena so this was a cry for help.

"Why do you even like Serena?"

"I don't really, it's just... I wanted something that he couldn't obtain he was going to be the first in line, and he's just better than me in lots of things because he has training so I thought, at least I had Serena."

Sometimes I forget that back then age gaps had no restrictions.

"That just means fewer responsibilities anyway, aren't you a little too young to be worrying about any of that? Now, I brought over this croissant but since I'm nice I gave you half." I ruffled his hair and he tried to swipe it away.

"I guess you're right." He started gobbling the desert down.

Honestly, I don't even know why this was a love interest he's literally a minor, maybe that's why the author got backlash against that and the novel was an overall dumpster fire with a basic self-insert MC.

I don't know what's worse the fact that they kept dragging on the storyline or the fact that I'm now in the storyline.

I mean seriously he only liked her because of the plot, he got over this situation so quickly that you wouldn't even know why he was moping earlier.

-

Now back to the circumstance at hand I was at home and seems the family never forgot about me shoving Serena down the stairs, they almost forgot about me breaking off the engagement.

"... what if she got a scratch on her face? Or if the clothes ripped?! Are you listening to me?!" I zoned out for a good second.

See we had gone back to the castle and they kept rambling on and on about what could've happened to Serena had the fall been more steep or rough, but like does she even have even status to attend these events in the first place?

"Since you seem to not care about this we're cutting you off of money for the next month!" She hollered in my ear once more.

"What were you thinking at the ball?" Tim cut into Palmola's ramblings.

"Normalize giving contexts, Tim." He scoffed.

"I was sparring with Kon the other day and he made some bogus statement saying he was breaking off the engagement, I didn't think he would do it, but allowing him to? Have you any idea what this caused?"

"Who am I to stop Crown Prince Connor, Tim? He has a woman to chase, and wasn't going to give it up for this contracted engagement." I glanced at Serena who flinched and hid behind Jason.

"I still doubt that you'd let him go that easily, you've been obsessed with him since you laid eyes on him."

"And you know that because you're my caring younger brother or because you like to throw it in my face on the downfalls of my life?"

"[name]!" Palmola scolded me.

Bruce could only sigh at the scene.

"Palmola!" I retorted, bringing a tense atmosphere to occur.

Alfred arrived at the scene handing me a letter.

"To you, Princess [name]." I opened it to see the rest of the money that Connor promised me had been added to my account even with the 10,000.

I'm rich, but this is just the start.

"If that's all I'll be heading back to my room." I tossed my hair back before ordering the maids to prepare my bath.

"You're taking too long," I told the maids who were congregating among themselves instead of doing their jobs.

"Well, usually, Princ- I mean Lady Serena wouldn't mind-"

"Do I look like her?" I gripped the maid's chin.

"Don't worry, since it bothers you so much to draw me a bath you can pack your things up and leave tomorrow, you're fired." I pushed back my hair in agitation.

"What-"

"Did you not hear me, you're fired, don't make too much noise, go on." I shooed her away.

She just dropped to her knees and started begging me, but I made the other maids drag her out now all of a sudden they wanted to switch up and act proper.

"Now, with that out of the way, someone draw my bath." I rolled my eyes.

I do not condone maid abuse, but what's the point of working here if you don't do your job? So firing is the only option.

3RD POV

"That girl- I swear I don't know where she got that attitude from, did you see the way she talked to me?!" Palmola scoffed.

Duke could only think about how [name] seemed different actually the whole family could be thinking about that.

Damian kept stroking Titus' fur while thinking about how [name] didn't just keep her head down and take his insults. Wait- now that he phrases it like that, it sounds really bad.

Tim just thought about his friend Connor, he had been the one that Connor ranted to about how annoying his sister was but he didn't think [name] would take the cancelation of the engagement that easily, he thought [name] would least throw a tantrum at best. And since earlier he noticed how [name] looked at them at the stairway after. [name] looked at them like they were lower than her.

Dick was processing the whole thing, did [name] always talk like she didn't care for their approval? I mean [name] spoke like this could've been a letter delivered to her door instead of an important conversation. This conversation was important, [name] hurt Serena and canceled a political connection of a lifetime, he could feel a headache approaching.

Jason could only blink at the audacity, sometimes when this happened [name] at least looked like she gave a darn but not only was she okay with that Connor boy leaving her, but also being cut off [name] would at least beg for some forgiveness. But nothing...?

Stephanie would've had a jaw-dropping expression right now, but had her fan covering her mouth, holy lord did that really just happen? I mean [name] did not even try to bother her at the ball but she also gave up the man she bothered until her final breath and 500,000 gold?! That's an insane amount one and two when did [name] learn to negotiate?

Cassandra felt confused about what had just gone down, did she hear that right? That whole thing, just what occurred? [name] changed in two seconds, like she blinked, Serena tumbled down the stairs and then she just acted strange.

(What you're sticking up for yourself? That's criminally insane right there.)

Barbara had already dealt with how [name] did a 180 at the ball but she just thought that was because she thought she had a wedgy at the moment, though in general [name] had never done this so what happened this time?

Bruce well who knows what he's thinking he just looks constipated like isn't supposed to be saving Gotham in another life?/j

Bruce sat there, he didn't raise [name] like that, wait-. He didn't raise [name] at all... Is this his fault that [name] was acting out right now? No, he's been busy and with all the duty of the empire on his hands he couldn't pause it for [name], like yes, he does that for Serena sometimes- all the time but that's different she had a hard childhood growing up.

Serena, well, she gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. For the first time, something didn't go her way. And what was that attitude, who did [name] think she was? She shouldn't even act like that, at this point, everyone knows she's supposed to be in her position. I mean look at her.

So it's time to be the center of attention. Wouldn't you think?

Serena let out a few sniffles catching the attention.

"It's all my fault that she's in a bad mood, I'm sorry."

The family quickly came to comfort her. Never mind what they were thinking before, how could [name] be such a child in this situation?

After taking a nice bath and sneezing I was now changed into my nightgown. These things are nice.

I took [name]'s diary, so was not thinking, writing down her devious plans here, one of the reasons she was caught and executed, and she couldn't rebut it as they had proof.

So I'll do us both a favor and burn it.

Tossed into the flame I could only stare at the burning journal.

Another burning pile.

I should sleep I have a lot of plans tomorrow, and only a few months till school starts.

With a flick of my wrist, the candles blew out and the doors shut.

One perk about this world is the powers.

(H2O just add water)

So instead of actually writing the next part for any other series of mine I decided to make a new writing idea 🌝, I'm also making others in my brain as we speak but we're going to keep them there until I finish at least one of my series.

Anyway did you like it?

I'm going back to work now (writing), *le sigh*.

Happy early Lunar New Year though, I'm manifesting a lot of red envelopes to myself and many others!

If there's anything too cringy, plot holey, or grammatically wrong, do inform me!

[reidswhre]

A vague request for Spencer x reader!! (only if you want too, obviously.) Maybe some hurt/comfort?? I'm such a sucker for those.

spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: you keep your nightmares and insomnia to yourself till you reach a point where you can’t handle it anymore, it’s great your boyfriend is there for ya.

warnings: nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, low self-esteem due to the lack of sleep, however, it’s hurt and comfort! 🫶🏼

a/n: it's a bit rushed but I'm a little inspired so I did it before my inspiration disappeared, i hope you like it. also english isn’t my first language so let me know any mistakes. as always my request are open feel free to send me yours!

Sleeping is supposed to be something pleasant. It usually reduces stress and improves your mood. It’s the favorite activity of many people—in fact, it used to be yours too.

Until insomnia and nightmares began. At first, they weren't that bad; they scared you a bit, but nothing more. Then they became terrible, making you feel so awful you wanted to throw up, which led to unstoppable insomnia.

You used to sleep maybe 3 hours a day at most, and it was killing you. Not only were you unbearably tired all day, but you also had a mood so bad that even you couldn’t stand yourself. As a result, you started treating people around you poorly, which made you feel awful, but at this point, it was beyond your control.

You hadn’t told anyone either—you didn’t want to worry anyone unnecessarily. It wasn’t needed. You were probably just going through a rough patch. Maybe Mercury was in retrograde.

“Hey.” Spencer’s face greeted you when you opened your apartment door to let him in.

“Hi,” you replied with a small smile.

“I really missed you,” he said as he walked into your apartment, planting a kiss on your forehead.

You smiled. “Really? I missed you too,” you said sincerely. “You were gone for a few days.” Spencer’s job often required him to be away, and you handled it pretty well.

“Yeah, the case was tough,” he explained as he placed some bags in your kitchen. “How’ve you been?”

“Me? Well... good, I guess. Nothing new,” you shrugged.

“Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows, questioning you.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” You looked away, feeling uncomfortable.

Again, you didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone that you hadn’t been able to sleep properly for weeks. There was no point in saying it.

“What’s in the bags?” You pointed at them, trying to change the subject.

“Oh, I read that green tea increases the body's relaxation capacity and helps with sleep. Plus, the amount of L-theanine is higher than caffeine, so it’s a great option to avoid insomnia,” he explained while taking the tea out of the bags.

“You think I need that? Why would you think that?” you said, your mood shifting a bit.

“What? No, I don’t think you need it. I just thought it’d be good to have to relax a bit. Personally, I’m sleeping fine, but I don’t see any harm in drinking it,” he said, looking at you.

“Well, I’m sleeping great too, so I don’t need it, okay?” There it was again. You had no idea why you were treating him this way—he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“I never said otherwise,” he said, frowning.

“Good.” You looked at the floor, feeling uncomfortable.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay—”

“I’m perfectly fine,” you interrupted him and walked out of the kitchen.

You entered the bathroom in your room and splashed some water on your face, hoping it would refresh you. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You were a bit pale, with dark circles under your eyes that you hadn’t had in years, and your lips were dry. You felt terrible—like a completely different person.

But you decided that if you stayed there any longer, Spencer would come looking for you, and you’d have to give explanations you weren’t willing to share.

When you got back to the living room, you saw him sitting on the couch with his cup of tea and another cup next to him that was probably cold by now.

And you felt horrible.

Horrible wasn’t even enough to describe it.

He had bought and made tea just to help you relax a bit, even without knowing that this was the very thing driving you crazy.

And you had responded terribly.

“Spencer, I—” You tried to start.

“I think it’s better if we just go to bed, don’t you? It’s been a long day,” he said, getting up from the couch.

“Uhh... yeah, sure,” you whispered, staring at the floor.

Your heart was racing, sweat was running down your forehead and neck, and your head was spinning as you tried to push away the dreams that had been tormenting you.

“Hey,” you heard a voice in the distance. “Hey, listen to me, love, hey,” the voice repeated in your head.

“Hey!”

You suddenly sat up in bed, completely disoriented.

“Hey, you’re okay, right? You’re here with me,” Spencer said, looking at you while placing his hand on your knee. But you couldn’t really hear him. Your head was ringing so loudly it felt like it was going to explode.

“Sweetheart?” Spencer stroked your cheek, concerned.

Suddenly, you regained a bit of awareness. You looked at him and his worried face, then around the room. The clock read 12:38 AM. Your hands were sweating, and you were cold.

All of a sudden, everything you’d been carrying for weeks collapsed. It just fell apart, and you started crying like you hadn’t in a long time.

“Oh my God,” Spencer whispered as he wrapped you in his arms, holding you tightly.

“I’m so tired,” you sobbed into his neck.

“What’s going on, love? I need you to tell me, okay? So I can help you,” he whispered in your ear, his voice soft.

“I haven’t been able to sleep for a few weeks now,” you mumbled against him. “I have insomnia and lots of nightmares. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” he asked, gently cupping your face in his hands.

“I—I don’t know,” you sobbed. “I didn’t want to bother you, and I didn’t want to seem weak, I—” You stumbled over your words.

“Don’t say that. You could never bother me, especially not with something this important. It’s serious, and I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough,” he said, looking at you with his kind brown eyes, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“I thought I was just having a few bad days, I don’t know—” you tried to explain through your tears.

“It’s okay, we can work through this. Tomorrow, we can see your therapist and check on how you’re doing, alright?” he said, kissing your forehead.

You nodded without saying anything, feeling safe.

“Let’s get that tea, yeah? I’m sure it’ll calm you down a bit—unless you don’t want it now either, hmm?” he teased you a little.

You let out a small laugh. “I want it.”

“Good, because I was going to make you drink it anyway,” he laughed with you.

“Hey!” you frowned.

“Don’t give me that face,” he said, kissing your furrowed brow.

“Thank you,” you said genuinely.

“For what? For making you drink tea?” he laughed.

“No, silly. For helping me, even though I didn’t treat you very well tonight,” you said, looking at the floor.

“Are you kidding? Of course, I’ll help you. It’s the least I can do. I love you, okay?”

“I love you too,” you said, giving him a small kiss on the lips.

You were probably going to sleep well tonight.

[nightlyrequiem]

Apples, Oranges, and Other Small Fruits

Valeria shows you just how attractive she finds you and your small chest.

╰┈➤ Do you have small boobs? Does it make you feel like less of a woman? Well, me too. I actually start tweaking because of it sometimes. My tits literally disappear when I take off my bra and turn to the side and it drives me mental. Gaining weight doesn't even help because at my heaviest my bra size never went above an A cup.

w.c- 1,816

Tags/Warning: WLW, Fem!Reader, Small chested reader (I'm talking pretty flat.), Self-Esteem Issues, Unhealthy Body Image, Reader Has Some Body Description, Smut, Use of a Dildo, TITTY SUCKING RAHHHH

🍎🍊🍋🍎🥝🥝🍎🍋🍊🍎

You stare into the mirror and feel disheartened at what stares back. You bought this beautiful red dress. With a neckline that dips playfully and a slit up the side of it. How excited you were to have it and wear it. However now that you're seeing yourself in it... you're disappointed. Upset. It's completely unflattering. Flattening what little curves you had left. You turn to the side and feel a heavy pit in your stomach. Going braless was a mistake because your boobs are nothing more than barely perceivable lumps. Not to mention the dress isn't entirely form fitting and turns you into a box. You feel like a little kid playing dress up in mommy's clothes.

Another beautiful piece of clothing that looks cheap and stupid on you. In a fit of anger, you rip the dress off of your body and throw it across the room. You look back at your almost fully nude form. Looking at your body with disgust and hatred. Embarrassed by the sight of yourself. You look like a boy. Thin and gangly, soft in all the wrong places.

You think of your partner, Valeria. It's hard not to compare yourself to her when you see her everyday. You always chalked up your small assets to your thinner disposition. The idea that you could only have one or the other brought you the illusion of comfort, but you'd always be reminded that it isn't true. You tried body positivity, but that never worked. Being told fancier clothes and dresses fit better on smaller chested girls only frustrated you, because you found you never looked good in them. Unless you put on a pushup bra, and even then, it was a difficult task finding one small enough to fit into. You always hear about more well-endowed girls struggling to find bras that fit but you also struggle. The stores you go to often don't have bras small enough for you - unless they're sports bras.

You give yourself a long hard stare. As though by willing it enough, your mosquito bites will grow. They don't, and you can't stand to look at yourself any longer. You angrily shut the bathroom lights off and walk into the bedroom. The carpet soft under your feet. The long, elegant curtains are closed, hiding the room from the night-darkened world outside. They flutter in the cool breeze from the cracked open window.

The bedsheets are welcomingly cool when you lay under them. Pulling them over your body to hide yourself from the world. It's not always this bad. But sometimes you're stronger than your insecurity.

It doesn't help being with Valeria. You hate comparing yourself to her and you feel guilty when you do, but you can't help it. You've conditioned yourself to pick apart all the parts of other women you wish you had. Comparison is the thief of joy and what an excellent thief it is.

A hand gently touches your shoulder, startling you awake. You didn't even realize that you fell asleep.

"Sorry, amor, didn't mean to wake you." Valeria murmurs, pressing an apologetic kiss to your bare shoulder. Valeria crawls into bed beside you, groaning tiredly and moving around to get comfortable. The thing about Valeria is that she's a good read of character. She doesn't need to hear your voice or even see you to know you're feeling down about something.

Her hand travels down your arm and searches for your hand, interlocking your fingers with hers.

"What's wrong?" She asks. Valeria has been gone all day. Busy with keeping her cartel under control and always on edge at the fact that she could be found out or killed at any moment. She's tired. No doubt wanting to just go to sleep.

"Nothing." You whisper back. You turn over and press close to her. Hiding your face in her neck and taking comfort in her familiar smell. She doesn't need to be bothered with your unimportant problems.

Valeria stays quiet for a few moments. Despite your best efforts to keep your unhappiness to yourself, Valeria can still pick up on it.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" She presses, voice hardening with concern.

"No." You reply. Wanting her to drop it. Despite the very real distress the size of your chest causes you, you still feel silly for being so upset about it.

"Something happened." She murmurs. Valeria runs a hand down your back.

"... I'm just having a moment, don't worry about it." You reply. 

Valeria sighs.

"Talk to me about it." She says quietly. 

You hesitate. "It's about my chest." You say reluctantly. Saying it out loud makes you feel juvenile and silly. Valeria doesn't laugh at you or mock you though. She caresses your lower back gently.

"What's wrong with it?" She asks you.

"You know what's wrong with it." You reply. This isn't the first time you've felt insecure about your chest and it's not the first time you've complained about it.

"You think it's too small." She says.

"It is." You frown. "I'm not built like a woman. I don't look like a woman." Now you feel freshly upset about it.

Valeria rolls over and fumbles around her nightstand, turning on the lamp and chasing away the shadows. She looks back at you again, shoulders relaxed and dark eyes half lidded.

"Let me see." She hums. Gently sitting you up and turning your face this way and that. "Hm. Yes, yes." She mumbles. "Looks pretty feminine to me." She remarks. She moves her hands over your shoulders and under your breasts, pushing them up. "These look pretty womanly to me as well." 

"I get it." You mumble, face warming with embarrassment. Though her words do help reassure you a little bit.

"Do you?" She asks, raising a brow at you. Valeria shuffles closer to you, holding your face in her hands. "Do you understand that you don't need big breasts to be a woman? Is an apple any less delicious because it's not as big as a watermelon?" 

Valeria's eyes twinkle in the low orange glow. Glittering with desire and sympathy. She closes the distance and captures your lips in a soft kiss. Molding her lips to yours. You close your eyes and relax. You still find it difficult to believe that Valeria is completely satisfied with the size of your breasts. How could she be when you aren't? But she has no problems with palming them sensually. Pawing at you like a cat making biscuits. She seemingly has no issues getting turned on either as her breathing gets heavier.

She breaks the kiss to kiss down your jaw. Taking her time and savoring your skin. Valeria runs her fingers over your hard nipples and sucks hickeys into your throat. Huffing and moaning like she's the one being touched. She moves down and kisses one of your breasts lovingly. Palming and squeezing the other one. alternating between the two. 

"I can't get enough of you, amor." She breathes. She wraps her lips around your nipple and sucks, making you arch up into her mouth. She doesn't let up. Giving your chest hickeys to match your neck. She tugs and pulls your nipples, giving them equal attention.

You twitch and breathe heavily. Wrapping your arms over her back. After thoroughly coating your breasts in her saliva she moves off of you and sits up. She rummages around in her nightstand withdraws a dark coloured, phallic toy.

"Take off your panties." She murmurs. Waving the dildo at you. Without needing to be told twice you remove your underwear and kick them away.

Valeria grips the base of the toy in her hand and holds it to her lap, her free hand beckoning you over to her. You crawl over and hover over her lap, the tip of the dildo prodding your wet entrance. Valeria shifts the both of you so that your chest is right in her face. With a hand on your shoulder, she slowly lowers you onto the toy. Your walls stretching to accommodate it. You put your hands on Valeria's shoulders to aid you in riding. Valeria watches your chest with heavy interest. Enjoying the minor bouncing of the fat. The harder you go the more they do so. Much to the pleasure of Valeria.

You moan as you grind yourself down onto her lap. She can feel your arousal dripping from the base of the dildo and onto her hand, slickening her grip on it. She grabs and squeezes at your breasts with her free hand.

"Do you still feel unworthy?" She asks, squeezing harshly when you don't answer and making you yelp.

"No." You gasp. Not at the moment, anyway. Truth is, it's going to take more than some special attention to your breasts and an orgasm to heal these deep-rooted insecurities inside of you. But temporary relief is better than never, and you couldn't be more grateful for Valeria's care and patience with you.

"Tell me how beautiful you are." She murmurs. "You don't get to cum unless you do."

"I am beaut-" You sigh. "-beautiful."

"Good girl." She coos, giving your lips a quick peck. You take that as permission to finish yourself. Losing all sense of rhythm in order to achieve that climax. Cumming is the only thought you have.

Your walls squeeze around the toy and you lean down, sinking your teeth into Valeria's shoulder. A whine builds up in your throat and you let go of her. You pull yourself off of the dildo and lay down. Coming down from the high. Valeria tosses it onto a pile of dirty clothes and lays down beside you, stretching out an arm and pulling you closer to her, nuzzling her face into the side of your warm neck.

"Watch what you say about yourself." She whispers. "I don't tolerate anyone talking bad about my partner and you won't be an exception. You're a beautiful woman and I couldn't be happier to be waking up and coming home to you everyday. You're gorgeous and alluring and I lose my breath every time I see you." She murmurs. 

Valeria closes her eyes and not long after begins snoring quietly. She's always been a heavy sleeper, so you peel yourself away from her and get out of bed. Walking over to the lonely, discarded red dress. You grab it and slink off to the bathroom. Pulling it over your head and looking at yourself again. Your boobs don't look any bigger than the first time you put it on, but it doesn't bother you as much. It's cute. It's chic. Your body was the standard in the 1920's, and while it's not the 1920s, it still means something. this shaky admiration for your figure won't last, you know, but maybe someday you'll be able to love your body like Valeria loves it.

[cute-little-fly]

A Helluva Boss hot take: Millie is a good female character, and an interesting representation about women that will take more relevance in the plot.

I recently watched Georgia Dow’s analysis on Millie and also with the recent events on Sinsmas I was thinking about how much of what the series is trying to say with Millie in the fandom general discourse is kinda ignored.

I won’t talk about how the series could have developed her more at this point (I know Season 2 was very much Stolitz focused, and they have left the female characters for S3, but I will explain why I think it was this way in my final prediction part).

I will talk about how even with this delayed development in relation to the other male main characters, she is currently a lot more than just a support character for the male main characters.

She is written as a powerful female character that has a grounded conflict relatable to women at the same time.

She does have layers; even in this moment where she hasn’t had a major development. I will go later by layer. I believe that all this layers apply to the main challenges we usually have to overcome as woman in society. I know for younger women this has changed a lot, but for me a lot of this things Millie struggles I have lived them or see them in other women.

Millie is an overachiever and she is very self-demanding

This is a very interesting re-do of the girlboss or overpowered female character archetype.

Yes, Millie is very strong and capable, and I believe this is an exc quality she should keep, and makes her super proud, and with a good self-esteem. She is good, prides herself on it and she is happy with what they do, basically. This is all good when Millie is in a good spot in Season 1.

However, if this goes too far it can lead Millie to being over demanding on herself and the people around her. (Yes, I know here she is also having mood swings, but is very telling to see her reaction at them refusing to do a job, because she sees it as failure, something she doesn’t allow herself to do)

This pattern can be traced with how her family sees her. They are proud of her strength, but also, if she fails like how it happened with Striker they are super disappointed and they show this in a way that can be hurtful… Moxxie is also not enough, the husband she chose, her work now that she is “freelance” pays less and is then is not good enough… they are actually pretty demanding on her, and have high expectations.

I think she has internalized this demands on herself too, even if she tries to brush them off, and this will show eventually. This is very relatable to women, because usually we ask ourselves to be perfect and to always do everything right. Self-demand issues and perfectionism are very common in women.

Millie’s protectiveness with Moxxie is not all what her character is, and this protectiveness mirrors Blitzø.

A lot of instances Millie is shown being capable of protect the gang and mostly Moxxie. But, this also puts her in a place of pressure when she is not able to protect him and she may feel guilt if something happens to him.

This is part of the background the series is building for her. This is the same as was revealed in Ghostfuckers for Blitzø.

A lot of people complain about this, but this actually shows she is a natural caretaker and that probably she also had that role in her family. In Helles Belles, Sally May mentions that now she is in charge on everything and that it got worse after she left... Probably Millie had to take care of everything and everyone too at home and she does this to Blitzø and Moxxie without even thinking about it.

This is why she relies too on Blitzø resiliency so much, and she tries to be for both of them when Blitzø feels bad in GF…

This part of her story I feel is very relatable to women, bc women have been the ones that are in charge of organizing a household and other caring roles like cooking or taking care of everyone’s health in most of modern societies. These are roles that are highly invisibilized and diminished, but that everyone needs and allow society to function.

This reminds me that she is soooo similar to Blitzø in her core, but for complete different reasons and I love that.

The show pushing a close friendship between them off screen was actually incredible if you notice this parallels. They are so alike, and this is why they felt so drawn to the other when they met.

Millie is ambitious and has dreams beyond her husband and family

She also felt the need to be more than a farmer and moved out her home. Same as Blitzø that is very ambitious and pushes to the limit to achieve his dreams and objectives. However, she didn’t completely believed in all what she could achieve. Blitzø expanded that vision, but he didn’t built everything about her, she has done it with her work even after she joined IMP.

Millie feels appreciated but for what she does and that’s good, but, the bad part is that not completely for who she is…

This was all the deal of unhappy campers basically.

Millie was appreciated in all her facets here, she barely had to do any effort.

Good at sports and outside activities.

Good at singing.

Just, cool.

Is very interesting that she got to experience this being disguised as a man. Is an interesting reversal from the usual dynamic. In earth and with humans probably she got that recognition in part because she was a “regular dude”. I feel this is also intentionally talking about how women sometimes need to overachieve to be just acceptable or to have a minimal recognition; and if men were as good or put the same effort women put in something they would be immediately praised. (This is probably me reading too much into it, but the choice of making a gender reversal in the episode was interesting because I am also taking into consideration the gender component in this analysis).

Since we know MyM’s usual dynamics, this episode highlighted a conflict that I think they have deep down. Moxxie wants to be praised by being good at work. Millie on the other hand, feels capable and is praised by Blitz for being good in the job, but deep down she wishes she could be praised while she does other kinds of things beyond “muscle”. Or just because she is her and exists. They have what the other want.

She feels fulfilled here by being loved instead of feared like while she kills. I find this interesting.

Millie is characterized and is not an incomplete female character.

I feel that I talked much about her challenges and virtues, but now, I want to make a small space just to mention things she is shown besides to what she does for others and her struggles.

She is very extroverted, and has clearly shown to love any kind of outside activities. The festival, Loo Loo World etc…

She likes to see action movies.

She doesn’t like the musicals and other things Moxxie watches, but understood the joy to be praised when she sang.

She is funny and has a strong personality.

She is confident and capable.

Overall, Millie is a very good character. Is a woman that is strong and fierce but with a good heart and a very secure personality because of her high capabilities. Who at the same time faces struggles that are relatable to women.

Predictions (this are just me guessing)

I think that in season 3 Millie will be a reversed Blitzø arc. Is interesting how she starts from a good place in the series, opposite to Blitzø that starts in a bad place and goes to a better one. She will go through a tough phase in S3 and the rest of the characters will be better, so they can help her. This is why Millie’s arc is starting until now, when all the other characters have progressed.

Also, now that Stolas is in the office and she is opening more to Loona it will be interesting to see the dynamic they will have going forward. This dynamic can be strengthened because she will be able to be vulnerable with them and connect to a deeper level, and could also tie with Loona and Stolas father daughter relationship forming.

With all what I thought while I wrote this, I think Millie will end up having the baby (I honestly hope they handle the abortion part well, because it is also an option for her and the show needs to portray it not as the “wrong” option).

I believe this, because in case she has the baby she will be forced to confront her deepest issue, that if she is not the capable fighter/assassin person she is not enough, and how this shouldn’t break her confidence and self-esteem. In this scenario, she will have some of those abilities diminished for a while. Also, if she wants to continue a career she will need support from all the family; so she will need to accept that and not feel that she isn’t capable enough.

Stolas here could have a role in the family, because he knows how to take care of a baby. Loona will be of great help on missions, now that Millie will need more backup, Moxxie will have other instances to show his abilities and maybe will feel motivated to train to be stronger and not just use the guns. Is interesting how Millie chooses to shoot in Sinsmas, like foreshadowing she will have a different role. Idk, all of this gives me the sensation that this is the direction the show will go.

[honey-bitch]

The Wizard Liz Astrology observation.

I came across a video of her's and I thought... she's so Capricorn. And guess what she is. So here's a deep dive

Sun and Venus in Capricorn - The Wizard Liz is very ambitious and is materialistic. She's a hard worker, I remember watching a video of hers and her just saying 'when I do a job I do it to the best of my abilities, like when I was a cleaner I made sure the toilets were spotless'. Which is very Capricorn of her to say. Working hard comes naturally to her, as not only does she have a Capricorn sun her sun in at 10 degrees which is a Capricorn sign.

NOT TO MENTION SHE HAS VENUS CONJUNCT NEPTUNE VERY VERY PRETTY GIRL. She actually comes off as a fantasy, like I can't stop going on about how pretty she is, not to mention is that she's spiritual and creative. OH YEAH SHE'S A YOUTUBER AND NEPTUNE RULES OVER CAMERA.

Moon in cancer - looking back this makes so much sense. The Wizard Liz has a very strong relationship to her mother, and in her videos there's a bit of polarisation (sun and moon are at opposition). Being that she looks and says words that indicate that she doesn't give AF, however in actuality she's very sensitive. I don't think being sensitive is a bad thing and in fact I applaud her idgaf attitude as her moon being in the 1st degree, can indicate that she's especially sensitive about herself. I in fact appreciate her even more being that she's working on it, she's building up her self esteem.

Not to mention that the moon represents the mother and the sun the father. With the opposition happening with the planets this can indicate that her parents had a bad relationship/are now separated.

Mars in libra - This actually makes another of sense being that yes she's aggressive, but is aggressively emphatic. Yes she's telling you that it's pathetic that you're hung over your ex, but she does it out kindness and empathy. She's not yelling at the viewer for sadistc purposes but rather to help. She can see both sides of the situation. Also her mars is sextile mercury (lololol funny) and is at 18 degrees which is the very rigid virgo degree, I think this is what makes her less wishy washy than the typical libra placement.

Jupiter in pisces - she's abundant in kindness. If you watch her videos, she comes from a place of kindness and love. She genuinely wants to help others and help them improve. Not to mention that her Jupiter is at 22* which is the kill or be killed degree/ a Capricorn degree. So it makes sense with how she utilises this kindness... which is that she makes money of helping others. Which is very pisces.

Saturn in aries - she's very aggressive when it comes to discipline and is very particular with how things should be and how it should be done. However looking back she does have a little bit of. a childish attitude to her which is typical for Aries placements. Also when looking at her chart her Saturn squares mercury, which could explain how her scolding comes off a bit childish. I'm not saying this from a stand point of you know talking shit but objectively, the Wizard Liz can't actually force you to clean your room, however Is scolding you from the screen. If u get what I'm saying u get what I'm saying.

Pluto and mercury in Sagittarius - She's very fiery in speech and funny enough she went to a different country to use her voice to educate others. That makes also of sense being that sagittarius is the sign that's known for traveling and leaving home. Not to mention her pluto is at 9 degrees and her mercury is at 21 degrees which are sagittarius degrees.

With her Uranus and Neptune being in Aquarius. I can see how this has affected her online persona, she's remarkably beautiful like really really really beautiful(Neptune), and I think that's why she's so remarkable. and I think majority of her success can be contributed to her looks. With Neptune being at 1 degree, it could manifest as her beauty being so striking, being that it's in an aries degree and I believe Neptune being in Aquarius can manifest as her having captivated the internet in a way. Also funny enough her Uranus is again at 10 degrees which is a Capricorn degree, and the chaos she stirs up is very Capricorn. Being that people have cristised her for being selfish and materialistic (lowkey Capricorn traits - btw I'm a cap moon and rising so I'm kinda insulting myself sooo yeah).

Her Chiron and Lilith are both in scorpio which can manifest as her, experiencing immense manipulation and having experienced a very toxic environment. Her father had an affair which is one of the attributes of having a Lilith in scorpio. However I find that her having Chiron at 29 degrees, makes her extremely wises 29 degrees is the pisces degree and the last degree it has carried all the past lessons and has become wise. She's very wise when it comes to her own trauma, she's able to learn from it and rise from the ashes. that I find incredible she's a very strong person to be able to do that.

North node in Leo at 22 degrees - this is definitely a fame degree, and she needs to power through to get to her goal.

Hmm I feel that she may be either an Aquarius rising or a Capricorn rising, so she was born with at 9-11 am. Being that being a cap rising can explain her beauty with Venus in the 1st or 12th and she does come off hard working. however her being Aquarius also makes alot of sense, she was seen as aloof growing up and didn't have a lot of friends, not to mention that she has striking features very Uranus in the 1st house and Neptune in the 1st makes sense swell. She definitely has Venus in the 12th because she's so private with her love life. Yeah and she definitely has felt more comfortable later in life compared to her when she was a teenager, although she was still very very pretty.

Lololol this came of as a bit of a Wizard Liz Glaze, however I just found this quite interesting . Hopefully this doesn't come across as me being a stalker though it kinda lowkey is

DM me for personal readings

[guppybibi]

Ditzy Princess

𖦹 pairing: Iwaizumi Hajime x fem!reader

𖦹 word count: 2019

𖦹 content: mild cursing, childhood friends to lovers (eventually..) , denial, she fell first but he fell harder, reader is oikawa’s little sister, reader’s brain is a lil empty, but she's a strong woman nonetheless!!

𖦹notes: i have so many wips..but hajime my Filipino king AUGHH (im gaslighting myself shh)

✧. ┊    Part 1

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Being Oikawa Tooru’s little sister meant that you were equally as insufferable as him, debatably even more than him according to Iwaizumi. Iwa wouldn't go as far to say he disliked you, despite you being 2 years younger than Oikawa, the three of you still grew up together and developed a pretty strong bond. Oikawa had his moments, being the seemingly arrogant and egotistical person he is. Iwa was aware Tooru had some issues with his self esteem and was helping him in his own way. But in your case, nothing was backing you up. You really were just a crybaby diva, wailing as her big brother comes to save her. It really didn't start off so bad, after all you were a child who needed guidance and protection. He expected you to just grow out of it, news flash—you didn't.

Now that you're in your first year in Seijoh, he couldn't avoid you at all no matter how hard he tried. Being a headache must be in the genes, I guess. But you weren't worth putting up with, so he just started distancing himself away from you. Sure, sometimes you would barge into the gym, interrupting their practice to go to your doting brother. Which pissed him off, obviously. Though it was hard to tell since he always had a scowl on his face no matter the situation. Oh and by sometimes, he means every single day–unless you were absent or something.

Unfortunately for him, Oikawa wasn’t present today due to getting a nasty cold. Normally he’d make fun of Oikawa, along with the rest of the Seijoh four but he remembers that you’re present and that he would be your temporary savior while your brother is gone. It didn’t help that today in particular was a pretty stressful one, and as if the Gods above cursed him, a bunch of assholes picked on you for being the ‘uglier’ sibling. A bunch of envious little liars.

Naturally, it was your first instinct to go to annoy him. Your muffled cries could already be heard before you've even entered the gym, which made Hajime groan in annoyance as he muttered a random curse under his breath. And as if on cue, the metal door of the gym slides open; unveiling a very much messed up you.

Your mascara all smudged across your pretty face, fat tears staining it. Your subtly pink lips all wobbly as you make your way to Iwaizumi, knowing your brother wasn't here. At this point, this was basically a daily routine for the team, they didn't complain though. You coming in here and taking their captain and or ace meant they had an opportunity to take a break.

“ ‘Zumi! T-they were being so mean to me again, I didn't do anything wrong!” You cry out as you approach the ace with a pout on your face. ‘Pathetic..’ He thinks to himself, you were more than capable enough to defend yourself. (Verbally, at least. Physically is a different story.) “It's not my fault I don't look exactly like Oikawa! And I can't do anything about it, why pick on me for it?!” You continue, wiping away a tear from your glossy eyes.

Hajime couldn't even say anything in response, this wasn't the first time you came to him after someone bullied you for whatever reason. It was a sad thing to happen to you, but did you really have to go to him or your big brother every single time? What if they're not there for you? What will you do then? Still his good conscience couldn't just leave you sobbing like that, your doting brother wouldn't be happy about it.

Placing a rough calloused hand on your trembling shoulder, as an attempt to comfort you he starts speaking. “And what did you say to them after?” He asks, it was a completely normal question, you knew that. But you were used to just..constant coddling, no other questions asked–just instantly tending to you. “I..Nothing? I mean, maybe what they're saying is true..it still hurts though..” You reply, earning a nod from your older brother's friend. You had a point there, but you should still stick up for yourself! You had to learn, plus he didn't want to keep playing as your knight in shining armor when the two of you are pushing your thirties.

“Did you want to say something back to them?” He questions, raising a brow. You could be doing this for shits and giggles for all he knows, maybe this was a plan you and Oikawa had or something. “Well um, kind of?..” Even that answer somehow made sense, coming from a ditz like you–he didn't really expect much. “So can you or can you not defend yourself?” He asked yet again with a gruff voice, watching intently as he saw you shake your head. Okay, cool. You aren't doing this just to piss him off, that's a start.

“I could teach you, if you want to.” You blink once, twice. “Teach me how to..fight for myself?” You never considered it, you were just used to your big brother being there for you. No matter how serious or stupid it was, he’d be there in a flash. He nodded, crossing his arms as you thought about it. Your brother wouldn't always be here, today was proof of it. The same goes for Hajime, who knows where he's going after high school?

“I..think that’ll be nice actually.” And those were the words that started your tutoring sessions. You were incredibly nervous the first few times, like the personification of an earthquake. You did soon manage to get the hang of it, being able to defend yourself against your bullies unless it was really necessary for your brother and or him to step in.

To be honest, Oikawa was pretty opposed to the idea at first. Saying to his best friend that teaching her all of this ‘nonsense’ wasn't needed since he’ll always be there for her anyway. (What Oikawa didn't know is that Iwa was doing future him a favor, I mean–he didn't know he was going to Argentina!)

And so ‘Operation: Teach Y/N How to Defend Herself’ was successful. It had been like years ago at this point, barely remembered by you two like some distant memory. You didn't piss him off that much anymore, though he did have little to no contact with you; only getting updates through Oikawa.

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When he went to Irvine, California for personal matters he was aware of you being there as well since you went to visit and stayed at your grandparents. The chances of you two meeting were slim but fate had to play its part too! Now the both of you were sitting side by side, having a cup of ice cream as you catched up on your lives.

He told you about the meeting he just had with Takashi, some stuff about sports science and his personal life and whatnot. While you told him about life here in the States, being taken care of by your overbearing grandparents and stuff. You were a lot more mature than what Hajime had remembered, still a scatterbrain though. Though something comes up, leaving Hajime at some random bench while he taps away on his phone after you exchanged him your number. Saving it and putting in ‘Puny Princess’, it was stupid–he knew it was as he chuckled to himself.

No matter how fully grown you are, you’ll always be that spoiled little brat who seeks her dear knight in shining armor's protection.

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He was flying back to Japan soon, and he wanted nothing more but to cancel his flight and stay here–with you. Highschooler Iwaizumi would be laughing his ass off right now, any chance to get away from you was a blessing. He’d get on that plane like he's being chased by the police. He thought about it a lot, was it because you were less of a pain in the ass? Nope, that couldn't be the case because you still were. Sure, you didn't exactly need Prince Charming anymore which made you considerably much more bearable but it felt like there was something more to it. Why won’t life just tell him instead of forcing him to dig through a bunch of dirt in his mind?

Maybe he simply got used to being around you, to be fair–he’s been with you through thick and thin after all. Yup, that's what it was. No need to manually crank the gears in his brain anymore, this was totally it. Would he admit he had a teensy weensy little crush on you when you two were kids? God no, and that doesn't matter! I mean, that was like a decade ago–he doubts that mattered right now in any shape or form.

Well the first stage of grief was denial, he’ll work his way up. You, on the other hand, have fully accepted this stupid happy crush you got on Iwaizumi. Even your big brother knew about it, well you were pretty much an open book. Hey, your brother’s words–not mine. The way your cherubic cheeks would heat up when Hajime helped you up when you got yourself stuck in the mud, it was painstakingly obvious that you had liked him ever since.

You and your big brother had a heart to heart talk about back in middle school actually, it sits there playing constantly at the back of your mind.

It was midnight and Oikawa had come home late, you noticed he had been practicing overtime these days which worried you quite a bit but you knew Hajime was there to keep him grounded. So that's how the two of you ended up at 1AM, your brother silently eating his late cold dinner while you accompanied him.

“Did ‘Zumi practice late with you..?” You questioned, breaking the growing silence in the room. In response, he nodded and let out a dry chuckle. “Mhm, you haven't spoken a word since I got home and when you decide to speak it's about Iwa-chan? Do you not care about your dear big brother anymore?” He asks, dramatically feigning hurt as he places a hand on his chest.

He didn't miss how your lips went and formed a thin line, trying your best not to crack a smile. “Cmon, don't lie to your big brother–you like Iwa, don't you?” He teases, trying to get it out of you like he's sipping the very last drop out of the milk carton. “Maybe just a little..” You mumble, finding it just a little bit embarrassing that out of all the fish in the never ending sea, you manage to have feelings for your brother's best friend. “Hm..well I guess if you were to pick someone to marry I’d honestly prefer Iwa y’know?” You almost choke on your own spit upon hearing his words, blushing furiously. “E-eh?! Marry?! It's too early for that!” You exclaim, while your brother starts laughing like a hyena.

His words were very much true though, he trusted Iwa–so much so that if he had the chance to pick the person you’ll marry, he'd choose Hajime with no hesitation.

You roll around in your soft bed, unable to sleep as Iwaizumi’s face keeps flashing in your mind like a broken record. Wanting nothing more than to scream into your pillow, but your grandparents sleeping soundly in the other room prevented you from doing so. You wondered if you would ever go back to Japan, it seemed like your brother wouldn't after hearing him recently renounce his citizenship but it's not like you were going to follow in his footsteps. You've never felt this homesick before, stupid Iwaizumi–it's his fault for coming here unannounced. You thought your delicate heart moved on from this childish crush of yours after not seeing him in a couple of years, looks like it bounced back after meeting up with him again though..

Well, at least you had some form of communication with him after you gave him your number. That was temporarily enough for you.

[twilightkitkat]

Hi, first of all, I want to tell you that I adore your stories and ideas, I love your content and you are one of my favorite Poolverine /Deadclaws writers ♥️♥️♥️♥️

1. I have a question, will you continue the story where the X-Men react to Logan and Wade's happy relationship, will you leave poor Logan alone? Or will they try to sabotage their relationship to get "their" Wolverine back and try (in vain) to fix things with him?

2. I would like to see the Avengers' reaction when they find out that Steve knows Logan, I have a feeling that knowing that he is no longer part of the X-Men, they would try to get him to join them, but Logan's answer would be a definitive NO, mainly because neither team wants Wade, Logan won't go anywhere without him, on the contrary, the two of them would show others what a real team is.

Thank you very much for your attention and I hope I have not made any mistakes in my writing 🥺♥️

Omg, thank you so much ♥️♥️♥️ it means a lot to know that people like my writing and that my blog has become one of your favorites.

I've been considering making a sequel to it with a different scenario and continuing to write about how the X-men adjust to this new Logan. While a few of them (Rogue and Colossus) know that Logan doesn't want to return and why, the rest would have a more difficult time accepting it.

I think that the X-men tend to view Logan's feelings as secondary and subconsciously look down on him. They treat themselves as more important and prioritize their feelings and perspectives over Logan's, which was reinforced in the movies. The best word to describe them is egocentric—they don't consciously think that they're above Logan and not all have high self-esteem, but they tend to have difficulties empathizing with him and seeing things from his perspective.

However, I don't think they're intentionally malicious. They wouldn't see what they're doing as "sabotage" because they want the best for Logan (in their eyes), but they would try to separate him from Wade to convince him that they're right. They'd see it as a necessary evil and think that there needs to be a divide because Wade has influenced him. However, in reality, they just feel uncomfortable seeing Logan act so close to Wade because it forces them to confront the way they treated him and how he never acted like that. They also aren't very receptive to change in their social order, and Logan breaking off is a pretty big one.

As for the Avengers' reaction, I think it'd be one of shock. Captain America isn't just the Poster Boy of America, he's the symbolic leader of the Avengers. He's this strong, moral, righteous figure who doesn't show weakness and always looks ahead. He opens up just enough to form an emotional connection with them, but he largely keeps his deeper feelings and doubts to himself.

So when Logan shows up and Steve acts less like a figurehead and more like a person, it's... uncanny. Not necessarily bad, but unnerving. They aren't used to seeing Steve relax and laugh and show genuine emotion. When the two reminisce on the past, Steve's face becomes clouded with nostalgia and regret, and when Logan places a hand on his shoulder Steve leans into it gratefully. He smiles and relaxes and the Avengers feel like they're seeing a new side of Steve, a glimpse into the scared and mortal soldier he was instead of the unstoppable hero he became.

Aside from Logan, they know about The Wolverine. They know about his feats and strengths and a few have worked alongside him in the past. He has an impressive resume, and if he hadn't been swept away by the X-men then the Avengers would've taken him in gladly.

Except now, he isn't part of the X-men. So the Avengers ask. It's a perfect fit, really. Logan is strong and capable and has a strong moral compass, he'd fit right in. Throw in the added bonus of being friends with Steve and being able to comfort him and it's a done deal.

Except... Logan refuses. Point blank.

The rest of the Avengers blink owlishly, but Steve gives an understanding smile and nod of the head. When they ask why, his answer drops their jaws even further.

"You rejected Wade, and he's my partner. I'm not joining any fucking team he's not a part of," Logan grumbles.

And that's how the Avengers find out that apparently, The Wolverine was partners with Deadpool. A few had heard rumors from the underground that The Wolverine had been doing vigilante work alongside Deadpool, but they'd thought it was a temporary thing. Something to repay his debt and occupy his time until he found another team. It makes sense that Logan didn't want to rejoin the X-men, he had a lot of history with them, but he shouldn't have an issue joining a better team. There's no way he'd be attached to Deadpool of all people, right?

But that was exactly the case. The Wolverine was apparently dedicated to spending the rest of his days in this universe by Deadpool's side. The tips of his ears turn red when he talks about Wade, and Steve has a knowing and private smile when he listens to him. (He'd anticipated this. How could he not, after meeting Wade and seeing how Logan looked at him like he was his whole world? It'd be nice to work with Logan again, but Steve was fine with settling for the occasional team-up. He wouldn't want to separate them.)

It's... a bit of a blow to the ego, to be honest. To know that The Wolverine chose Deadpool over them like it was obvious. That he didn't even think twice about their offer. To know that Logan thought someone they rejected was more valuable to work with than them.

They thought he was crazy until they saw the pair in action.

Witnessing the easy and impeccable teamwork between Logan and Wade was like watching lightning strike. The two moved with a fluidity the Avengers had never seen before, weaving in and out of each other's attacks like they were telepathically connected. Logan's strength balanced Wade's speed, and when Logan would slash Wade would shoot. They were terrifyingly fast and efficient, cutting through the enemies like butter.

It's in that moment that they understand why The Wolverine chose Deadpool over them. He was right in his choice.

[mystellenia]

being effortlessly loved by abby

summary: after a rough week, you begin pushing abby away, but she makes her feelings known and voices her frustration.

content: established relationship, poor self esteem, self-sabotage, perhaps allusions to depression

notes: does this count as angst yayyy first angst. i wanna write angst more. i feel like for some reason angst would come to me really quickly. like i'd be able to make stuff up and write really quick. i guess just call me emo 🖤👩🏾‍🎤

(wc 0.5k)

it's been a rough week. everything that could go wrong, did--and then some. it just felt like just when you stood up to catch your breath, the universe sent you a gift-wrapped riptide to pull you under to drown you again.

you wore an old sports t-shirt and sweatpants, only taking them off to change your underwear or drag baby wipes against your skin to try and rid it of the feeling that consumed you so wholly.

you stand at the kitchen counter, buttering the third bagel of the day to go back to bed and watch sitcoms. abby comes up behind you and perches her head on your shoulder, her hands slipping beneath your shirt to sit on your stomach.

"mmm, you smell good," she says, her words muffled by your neck. "you look so pretty right now."

her touch and her words make you grow uncomfortable, and you turn your head away in response and groan, rolling your shoulder back to push her away.

she simply looks at you with lowered brows, a worried expression on her face. "what's wrong, baby? did i do something?"

you continue your task, taking your time with responding. "i haven't showered for three days," you mumble. "why say i smell good when i don't?"

her warm hand meets the back of your arm, stroking it softly. "well, you smell good to me," she says, shrugging like it was evidently known.

rolling your eyes, you push her back with your hips and step to the side. "god, abby, i hate when you do this! i hate when you act like i’m all perfect and get all sappy on me. why are you doing that to me? doing that for me?" you snap, your face slowly melting into a grimace at the thought of her loving you.

she rears her head back, your words stinging like a smack to the face. "what do you mean, you hate when i get like this? you hate when i love you? you hate when i want to be around the person that i love?" her voice raises more as she talks, frustrated by your thinking. "why do you say that like loving you is a mistake i'm making, like it's a bad thing, like it's a poor decision?"

a sudden chill whips through the room, and you wrap your arms around your body in protection. your voice softens once more and you can't seem to meet her harsh stare. "i just don't understand why. why do you feel that way about me? i'm not-"

"what! you're not what? skinnier? prettier? nicer? god, it actually irritates me how you can't get it through your head that i love you. that i'm not leaving."

she grips your shoulders, pulling you closer to her as she continues. "i chose you, so don't fucking push me away!" her hands tighten around your shoulders and shake you a bit before she realizes what she's done, dropping them and stepping back. she notices your eyes glazing over and realizes she went too far until you slam into her, looping your arms around her neck and letting out a heavy sigh of relief.

"thank you for loving me, abby," you whisper.

she returns your embrace, grabbing either side of your face to lift it up to her and placing a kiss on the very tip of your nose. "thank you for making it so easy to love you."

this actually kind of made my stomach lurch because this is so me. reminds me of how i had this guy head over heels obsessed with me and i told him it made me uncomfortable and overwhelmed me. gosh what a fumble like i’m never getting that again, idek how i bagged him bc like there are so many pretty girls at my school and like ugh

@picklesarenice69 @paqerings

click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

[thus-wrote-mrs-zeppeli]

Could I request a scenario/one shot where Abbacchio and Reader are having dinner together, drinking some wine and they are chatting about life?

Ok that’s so cute~

Abbacchio x reader in:

“We are part of the fire that is burning,

and from the ashes we can build another day”

Reader is part of Bucci gang. Takes place during Golden Wind. Abbacchio and reader aren’t official but very close. I call it Venice, my apologies Ghiaccio.

Content: mentions of having children but only as a joke, drinking, bad at feelings and low self-esteem Abbacchio

Genre: bittersweet fluff

-

Such a pleasant night in Venice. Warm, comfortable…if you didn’t feel the now constant threat of the Boss’s ire, you’d actually allow the wine you were casually sipping to relax you a bit in this moment.

You sat at a small table outside a local restaurant, Abbacchio across from you, and despite his intent to act casual his eyes betrayed him every time someone passed by the two of you. Thankfully he appeared like nothing more than an overly protective boyfriend when he instinctively leaned a little closer to you when someone wandered too close.

Really he was being cautious for the enemy stand users that were certainly on your trail now that you’ve openly defied Passione’s Boss.

“Leone, relax…if anything happens the others are nearby,” you attempt to soothe him, referring to the rest of the crew attempting to eat inside. Difficult to do, given everything. The absence of Fugo, the very real danger of assassination attempts…the others had enough stress for both you and Abbacchio tonight.

You knew immediately it wasn’t the best choice of words to ease his mind, but seeing Leone so distressed heightened your anxiety even more, so you had to say Something.

He huffs, takes a pointed swig of his wine, and you envy his glass, stained with his purple lipstick. But now was not the time to think of such things.

“That’s not very reassuring,” he points out, with no real irritation, since he was speaking to you. He spares the briefest glance to the members of the gang inside the restaurant. He would deny it if you verbally suspected it, but he was checking to make sure they were still okay.

“You should have a little faith,” you force a smile.

He frowns.

“How’re you remaining so positive right now?”

The false smile vanishes from your face immediately, a small tremble traveling through your body when he immediately forces you to confront what you were Really thinking right now. Leone was direct that way, even with you.

“Because I have to be,” your food had remained relatively untouched, and you prodded at it pointlessly with your fork so you could turn your eyes to something other than him. “I’ve never been so scared than I have in this moment, Leone. So I’m going to act calm until we’re both actually calm.”

He watches you quietly for a moment, with that steady yet unreadable gaze, before sitting back in his seat.

“Alright then…I’m calm.”

You know it’s bs. You know just by looking at him he’s more overwhelmed than he’s been in a Long time. But he’s trying to ease your mind anyways. Somehow it succeeds in soothing your heart, to an extent.

“Just trying to make me feel better?”

“It worked though,” he points out.

You reply by taking a swig of your own wine.

“Say something else to make me feel better.”

His lips tug up for a moment in a rare smirk.

“Like what?”

You set your wine down, resting your chin on your hands.

“What are we gonna do once this whole mess is over? You know…when we somehow defeat the Boss and overhaul Passione-”

“You’re going a little fast,” he interrupts with a heavy sigh. “IF we somehow defeat the Boss. And we both live to tell the tale.” He corrects. “And “we” are probably not gonna do whatever you have in your head. I thought it was pretty clear I’m not the settling down type-”

This time you cut him off with a genuine bark of laughter.

“Oh I’M moving fast? I’m not the one who brought up “settling down”, Leone.”

He momentarily covers his own lips in embarrassment for misreading you, clearing his throat and muttering an Italian expletive at himself for sticking his foot in his mouth. “Sheesh, stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you! I promise! I’m just…surprised.”

He returns to watching the passersby, but only so he doesn’t have to look at you for the time being, his cheeks dusted a slight pink.

“But for what it’s worth, I’m not opposed to the idea,” you grin.

From your tone of voice he knows you’re about to start teasing him, given he handed you such a blatant freebie like that-

“Oh yeah that’s a great idea,” he grumbles sarcastically, but not bitterly. “You and I, in a little house in the countryside. And we spend a five day week at normal 9/5 jobs and then do nothing but write crappy poetry for each other on the weekends.”

“And how many children do we have?” you ask jokingly.

He pretends to think about it, and answers like he was serious, for your entertainment:

“Four, so Mista will leave us alone. Half will have your name and half will have mine.”

“Brilliant, I can see it now,” you can’t help but burst out onto laughter, unable to keep up a serious tone like he could. “But seriously, Leone…”

The muscles in his face tense a bit, his eyebrows furrowing when he becomes actually serious.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. Hell, I don’t even know what I’d WANT to see happen but…you know how I feel about you.”

A simple statement, and it makes your heart flutter. ‘You know how I feel about you.’ Yeah, you really did. From the way he would always check you for injuries after a mission, and how he’d enforce a mandatory level of respect for you from the other members of the team. Leone Abbacchio loved you. As much as a man like him could love someone.

“I see,” is all you can think to say at first, reaching over a hand towards his, gently touching his knuckles. He hesitates at first, finding even hand holding in public awkward and overly intimate, despite being away from prying eyes like the two of you are right now.

But after a moment, he lifts his long fingers, sliding them in between yours, and settles them along the top of your hand.

“And you know how I feel about you,” you reply, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

The slightest bit of conflict mars his face, because he really does know, and it’s always clawed at his conscience. He thinks someone like you deserves better than the little support, emotional and physical, he can provide for you. Someone who knew how to let you in and how to actually support you and comfort you; someone who wasn’t so damn irritable and on edge all the time. You should be with someone with at least a shred of real emotional intelligence, and not stuck with the deep apathy he always used to protect himself, even from you.

“Yeah…for some reason you’re awfully fond of me.”

You laugh and shrug, wondering what it’d take to get him to see himself the way you do. Nothing short of a small miracle, probably.

“Well…no matter what happens, I hope we’ll be together,” you say confidently. He doesn’t address the statement at first, distracting himself with his wine, a bit embarrassed by how you could say such sappy stuff with complete sincerity.

He doesn’t say a ‘I want that, too’, but his sassy little: “yeah, you’ve said that before,” accompanied by his small but genuine smile and a slight squeeze to your hand was enough for you to know exactly what he meant.

Whatever happened…the two of you were going to be together. That’s all you really wanted at this point. You could worry about figuring out your Dreams and Future with Leone and all of that stuff after this whole chaotic mess was over and behind you.

But for now you’d enjoy this small moment of fragile calm, returning your attention to the passersby, and scanning the roofs of the nearby buildings for enemy stand users. All while enjoying an evening date with your boyfriend, unofficial only in name for now.

Not that the others would be surprised when Abbacchio was finally ready to reveal the true nature of your relationship to them, much to his future embarrassment.

The thought brought you a smile, and he teasingly told you not to let your mind wander too far, because a man like him wasn’t made to be in your daydreams.

-

Author’s note: Leone Abbacchio, the man that you are, how I adore you…

Lyrics from a Moody Blues song

[daddy-dins-girl]

Talk Me Down

A fic requested by @anotherpedrolover

I was gonna wait until Frankie Friday (tomorrow) to post this, but this sweet human being has already waited like 2 months for me to finish this, lol, so here you go! I was asked to write a fic about insecure!Frankie who has some self-esteem/body image issues but after being with Reader (who is very appreciative of his body) he gets into it and develops a bit of a praise kink for it but but he hits a rough patch and gets into a dark place, feeling very undeserving of the love and attention Reader gives him. The person who made the request asked me to focus on his feelings and emotions when he is feeling bad and insecure (and specifically asked for some tears to be shed, lol) so I did my best to beat the crap out of Frankie (emotionally).

I hope this is somewhat what they had in mind and that they like it :) I've never really written anything like this (PWP queen over here) so I hope I got it right and didn't make Frankie too OOC. Hope you all enjoy it!

Page dividers provided by the gracious and talented @saradika-graphics

Ao3 link

My Masterlist Word Count: 9.8k Fandom: Triple Frontier (Frankie Morales x f!Reader) Notes: Pre/No TF Mission. Fic title is from the song of the same name by Troye Sivan. Warnings: 🔞 18+MDNI. Angst. Drama. Body Insecurity/Self-esteem issues. Praise Kink. Smut (pretty tame and not a lot, considering its me lol, but its there). Sad!Frankie. Mid-Life-Crisis!Frankie. Emotional hurt/comfort. Eventual happy ending. Established Relationship. No use of y/n. No physical description of Reader.

“Babe, have you seen my -“ you cut yourself off mid sentence as you turn the corner and your eyes land on your boyfriend, leisurely sprawled on the couch with his legs up on the ottoman, ankles crossed over each other and television remote firmly in hand while a baseball game plays in the background.

“Are you serious?”

“What?” Frankie asks, incredulous.

“We have to be at Will and Benny’s in like…” you pause to look at your watch. “Fifteen minutes! And what is that… are you eating the potato salad I made?”

“Was I not supposed to?” Frankie responds, forkful halfway to his mouth again already.

“Oh my god” You shake your head. You literally can’t with him today. You made that for the barbecue pool party today and now it was nearly half gone.

“Nevermind, let’s just go” you huff. You’re not in a great mood and maybe you’re being a little bitchier than usual thanks to this god awful heatwave but Frankie wasn’t helping matters any.

“I’ll be in the car” you grumble towards his general direction as you head out the front door. At least there’s A/C in the Jeep.

Surprisingly he doesn’t keep you waiting long. He’s shoving his slides on his feet as he hops down the front steps only a minute or so later and then jumps into the driver’s seat next to you, buckling his seatbelt and the two of you head out of the driveway.

“See, plenty of time” He grins at you when you pull up to the outside of your friends house a short while later with actually a few minutes to spare before your requested arrival time. You had attempted to stay mad at him, neither of you speaking more than one or two words the entire drive but now with that stupidly adorable smirk on his face you have no choice but to want to kiss it off of him. Despite your best efforts, a smile tugs at the corners of your mouth.

“There it is” his grin widens as he brings a hand up to pinch at your cheek and you playfully swat him away, trying and failing to hold back a little laugh.

“Baby I don’t know what you think we’re gonna miss anyway. It’s my birthday party. They literally can’t start without me”

“Francisco Morales, you’re going to be late to your own funeral, you know that don’t you?” You shake your head at him but the smile hasn’t left your lips.

“Oh baby we’re gonna be real late if you keep that ‘Francisco’ talk up” he says, wiggling his eyebrows at you and reaching over the center console to grab a handful of your upper thigh. “Maybe we skip the party all together, you give me my birthday present early, hmm?”

“Get out of the car you perv!” You laugh, giving him a playful shove. “Are you sure you’re turning 40 and not 14?”

“All right, all right I’ll behave” He sighs, hands up in the air to signal his defeat.

You’re glad he seems like he’s in a better mood so far today. He’s been a little off the last couple of days and you can’t say why. You’ve asked a few times if something was bothering him but he kept shrugging you off, insisting everything was fine. You chalked it up to maybe just work stress and are hoping now that the weekend is here that he’ll be able to just relax and have a great time with his friends.

Despite you being early, the party is actually in full swing on your arrival. You and Frankie let yourselves in through the back gate where the backyard is filled with several of Frankie’s (and now yours, you supposed) friends milling about. The ones you recognize immediately are his old military unit; Santiago, Benny, Will and Tom, as well as Will’s girlfriend and Tom’s wife. There are a few other people around you’ve definitely met before but can’t place all of them. Either way, you’re glad to see so many people have shown up for Frankie on his big day.

The space is decorated too with balloons everywhere, a giant banner that reads “Happy Birthday Fish!” and a big poster board is taped up against the side of the house as soon as you walk in that has pictures of Frankie and his family and friends all over it with the title “40 Years In The Making” written at the top in huge block lettering. You and Frankie both take a moment to look over the board before anyone deeper inside the yard notices you yet. There are a bunch of photos from his younger military days and even a few from when he was just a boy that have you gushing over him, telling Frankie how adorable he was and pinching his cheek for good measure. You spot a couple of pictures of Frankie having fallen asleep at a party (something he’s been known to do) with his signature ball cap pulled down over his face and beer bottle loosely gripped in his hand and those give you both a good laugh. There’s two photos of you and him together, you notice, and your personal favourite picture of Frankie - him flying his helicopter wearing a pair of Aviators, looking so sexy it makes you melt each time you see it.

You safely assume the wife and girlfriends of Frankie’s closest pals were mostly to thank for the decorating. If it were up to the boys there would be a folded table in the middle of the backyard with a pack of cards and a cooler full of beer and that would be it.

“There he is!” Benny shouts across the yard the moment he spots you both just inside the gate. He dashes across the patio and throws his arms around Frankie, nearly knocking him over in the process before landing a few hard slaps to his back. “Happy birthday ya old fuck” he teases, grabbing on to Frankie’s shoulder and jostling him slightly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be your turn soon enough” Frankie reminds him but Benny just shrugs.

“Always be younger than you though” he winks and that earns him a little shove from Frankie.

The rest of the greetings go more or less the same way, playful teasing or ribbing on Frankie for turning the big “4-0”. It gets old quickly but if it bothers Frankie he doesn’t let it show, just takes it in stride as he makes his way through the small crowd and says his hello’s.

By the time you get home much later that night you’re exhausted. It’s late and the day had been long (and hot in that blistering sun). Add to that you’re sober whereas everyone around you had been thoroughly wasted which made the night seem to drag on even longer. You wanted Frankie to have a great time, it was his birthday after all, so you offered to drive you both tonight and somehow that had turned into you offering to be an Uber driver for half the party so instead of it taking ten minutes to get home it had taken an hour.

“I’m beat” you announce through a long drawn out yawn, stretching tired limbs over your head. “You wanna come to bed with me, birthday boy?” You ask playfully, walking up to Frankie and looping your fingers through the belt loops of his tan cargo shorts to tug him a little closer, hoping he catches on that you’re not that tired.

“Think I’m gonna shower, I hate smelling like chlorine” he complains, gently taking your hands and removing them from his waist. “You go on, I won’t be long” he promises before leaning forward and planting a kiss to your forehead.

“Baby,” you whine, a masterful pout displayed on your lips. “C’mon upstairs with me, while it’s still your birthday” you try seductively, hand reaching out to brush over the outside of his pants at his crotch.

“I said I want to shower” Frankie replies back, a little too curtly for your liking and his tone leaving no room for argument as he pushes your hand away a second time. You frown and the huff of disappointment you breathe out doesn’t go unnoticed by your partner.

“Baby come on, I’m sorry. I just don’t wanna go to bed smelling like chemicals. Go on up to bed, I’ll be right behind you” he says with finality and gives your hand a little squeeze before dropping it and heading off to the bathroom.

You sigh but let him go. Truthfully you’d been trying to drag him out of the party for hours, desperate to get him alone and all to yourself. You don’t know what’s come over you today but you felt downright needy for him, your hormones just off the charts and now he’s making you wait even longer when all you want to do is rip his clothes off and show him exactly how glad you are that he was born forty years ago today and by some cosmic twist of fate found his way into your life.

Once in the bedroom and settled into bed you hear the spray of water come to life in the bathroom down the hall and your mind can’t help but drift and think about Frankie, naked and in the shower. How the water is cascading down his broad shoulders to his soft tummy and strong, thick legs and a heat floods your body, going straight to the lower part of your abdomen. You loved his body and you weren’t shy about telling him either. You remember back to when you’d first started dating, the early stages of your intimate relationship. He was so shy around you at first, always insisting the lights be off or even leaving his t-shirt on when you’d have sex. It was all a mystery to you, how someone as gorgeous as Frankie could have self-esteem issues but you loved to remind him how crazy he drove you and how perfect he was in your eyes.

At first he got so embarrassed at your borderline worship of his body, refused to even believe you in the beginning but he warmed up eventually to the point where he loved it. Craved it, even, your praise of him. Though he’d never admitted to it out loud and always remained a little bashful about it, you could tell. Frankie was already a very generous, selfless and enthusiastic lover, but when you really got vocal with him (or better yet let your tongue and hands do the talking) of how much you enjoyed every part of his physical anatomy, Frankie could get downright animalistic with you and it brought the already amazing sex to a whole new level for you both. You had definitely uncovered a little praise-kink in your boyfriend that you don’t think he even knew existed in himself and honestly no sexual relationship you’ve had in the past could ever hold a candle to the one you and Frankie have created together.

You plan on using every weapon in your arsenal on him tonight to truly wish him a happy birthday he won’t soon forget. You’ll caress, kiss and lick your way from his prominent neck vein, his broad chest with just the lightest smattering of golden brown hair, take more than enough time for your tongue to appreciate each of his small dusty pink nipples before you continue down his sternum to where he gets a little softer. You’ll playfully nip and suck at the small expanse of flesh at his belly that protrudes just barely over his waistline, making sure to let him know with words how gorgeous he is, how hot he makes you, how he’s all yours. You just hope you get to have your fill before he takes his own. It had taken you a while to get Frankie to allow you to appreciate him the way you wanted to. He was always insistent on your pleasure and he still is to this day, but you’ve managed to strike a fairly delicate balance now for the most part, though you’ll admit there are days where Frankie comes home and he just needs you. You’ve come to recognize it on him and you’re glad to give him the reins when that happens, knowing that he’ll allow you to do the same when you need it. When you said Frankie was a generous lover you weren’t exaggerating. That man would spend hours with his face buried between your legs if you’d let him, and sometimes you’d let him do just that. But tonight was for him and tonight you need him. Need to show him how in love with him you are in a way that words just can’t do.

You have to press your thighs together just at the thought of him in the shower now, hoping he won’t be long so you can hopefully pull him out of this weird mood he’d been in most of the day. It started not long after you got to Will and Benny’s. Just silly, little things that just seemed to set him off to the point where he’d either pick a fight with you (or whoever else he happened to be talking to) or just get overly quiet and wander off by himself. You think back trying to think what could’ve started it all. He’d gone into the party in a good enough mood but soon after he started acting weird. The two of you barely fought, like ever, and here you were today in front of all your friends getting into a yelling match with each other about goddamn sunscreen of all things. And it wasn’t just you, he seemed overly quiet today around everyone, even his best friends who were more like brothers to him than anything and none of it made sense to you, you just hope now that he was home maybe he’d get out of his funk.

Your mind doesn’t have any longer to dwell however because Frankie emerges from the bathroom and into the bedroom, already changed into a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Your tongue absent-mindedly peeks out to swipe across your bottom lip at the way the wet curls stick to his forehead or how tiny droplets of water soak through the thin cotton of his dark gray t-shirt because he didn’t quite dry himself all the way off before tugging it over his head.

Not that it matters, you don’t plan on him wearing it long anyway.

“Finally” you smile at him from your spot on the bed and shuffle back slightly to pat down on the space next to you on the mattress. You pull back the bed covers to reveal that you’re wearing next to nothing, A black lacy bra and matching panties that really left nothing to the imagination. It was Frankie’s favourite on you.

“You didn’t have to wait up” Frankie says casually, looking down as he unfastens his watch from his wrist to toss it on the nightstand. If he notices your state of nearly undress during his brief glance in your direction he doesn’t say anything or even react. “Thought you were tired” he adds, feigning concern for your sleep habits.

“Read between the lines Morales, was just trying to get you into bed” you tease, sticking the tip of your tongue out at him playfully. He says nothing in response, just flips off the light and crawls in next to you but to your surprise just throws the comforter over you both and turns on his side and faces away from you as he scrunches up his pillow under his head until he’s comfortable and settles.

You frown, not that he can see you, but shuffle over to him anyway so you’re pressed up against his back and your arm slings around his waist. You stay still for a minute, waiting to see if he’ll take your less than subtle hint that you’re “not tired” but he just lays there, unmoving, and so you decide it’s time to take matters into your own hands. Literally.

Your hand slips under the hem of his shirt to rest on his soft belly and begins to gently explore. Fingertips dancing along the smooth skin and sparse little body hairs and moving over to his hip where you grab onto the small bit of extra skin there and massage his side but before you can go any further he’s grabbing your hand and pushing it out from under his shirt. He brings it to rest on top of his chest over the thin cotton of his t-shirt and just holds his hand over top of yours.

“Baby?” You breathe out into the blackness of the room, worry evident in your tone. Was he angry at you for something else now? You hadn’t even done anything for him to be mad at you about, you’ve been in bed the whole time.

“Sorry, I’m just tired” he mumbles into the pillow but you’re not buying it. Frankie was a bit of a night owl, not to mention it was a Saturday night, neither of you had work in the morning and the two of you always made sure to make the most of your weekend nights together when you could really take the time to make love the way you craved to all week.

“Hey,” you call out softly, grabbing for his shoulder and pulling it towards you so he’ll turn to face you. He lets you, turning halfway to you, onto his back and craning his neck to face you.

“Is everything okay? Are you mad at me or something?” You ask genuinely concerned. You try not to make it sound like you’re pouting because you’re not, you just need to know what’s going on with him. Maybe he’s upset about something, or maybe just a little too drunk to actively participate the way he thinks he should but you wouldn’t mind too much if he was, you certainly don’t mind taking care of him and you know he’ll more than make it up to you the next time.

He lets out a sigh and tiredly rubs at his eyes.

“Of course not. Come here, I’m sorry” he sighs once more and lifts his arm closest to you so you can snuggle into him, your head resting on his shoulder and your arm drapes across his middle again. He tilts his head down slightly to kiss the top of your hair but otherwise makes no moves to initiate anything further physically with you, just holds you tightly to his body.

“Are you really tired?” You ask quietly, turning your face slightly to nuzzle into his neck and plant little kisses there. You feel the little shudder that runs through his body and a smile pulls at your lips.

Maybe he wasn’t mad at you.

“I haven’t given you your present yet” you breathe into the warm flesh of his throat, tongue darting out to give a tentative little lick to the underside of his jaw and he rewards you with the slightest little moan, but it’s enough that you heard it and it encourages you to continue.

You begin to kiss and lick your way down the column of his throat while your hand leaves his chest to come down and gently palm him over his boxers and he instinctively thrusts his hips into your touch and you moan into his skin. You can feel him beginning to swell under your touch already.

“Mmm, can I take you out?” You murmur against his collarbone and he nods his head.

“Yeah,” he lets out in a breathy whisper and brings his own free hand down to help you shove his boxers down his thighs until he’s able to kick out of them.

Your hand wraps around his impressive length the moment he’s free from the confines of his underwear, slowly pumping him with practiced strokes and it’s not long until he’s fully hard in your hand and quietly grunting and groaning, your face buried in the juncture where his neck meets his shoulder. You hate that his shirt is still on, your mouth not able to reach all the places it desperately wants to.

Your hand leaves him for a moment as you push yourself up onto your knees and swing one leg over him so you're straddling his hips, your hands resting on his chest overtop of the soft worn cotton.

“You can be tired baby, let me all do the work” you coo, leaning down to place another kiss to his jaw as you slowly grind your pelvis into his. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was just too tired or drunk to have the full cognitive function he needed but that was fine by you, tonight was for him anyways.

“Shit,” he groans, hands sliding under the back of your panties to grope the globes of your ass in his two large hands and he presses you down even harder against his groin just as he thrusts his hips upwards, the delicious friction causing a moan to escape your lips.

“Mmm, you feel so good” you whimper against his heated flesh as you nuzzle the underside of his jaw and into his throat.

“Take these off” Frankie practically growls, impatiently shoving your underwear down and with his help you manage to wiggle free of them. You both moan in unison when your lower halves press together again, this time with no barriers between you as his throbbing member slides through your slick folds with every calculated thrust of your hips against him.

“Baby you make me so wet” you giggle, hands roaming his hard chest and broad shoulders. “God you’re so hot” you praise, mouth latching back onto his neck as you trail hot open-mouthed kisses down the column of his throat until you reach the collar of his t-shirt.

“Off” you gently demand, hands going to the bottom of his tee and beginning to push it upwards. You need to feel all of him, his warm skin on yours. Need to lick and kiss and touch every inch of him. “Let me touch you”

“Mnnmm mnmm” he shakes his head and without warning suddenly flips you both with practiced ease until you’re underneath him flat on your back and he’s on hands and knees looming over you. He grabs your wrists and hauls them up above your head, bringing them together so he’s able to hold them down with one hand against the top of the mattress so he can have one free and you giggle up at him.

“What’s gotten into you? You’re supposed to be tired, old man” you tease him but there’s no mirth in his eyes after he hears your words, no lingering smile on his lips. There’s desire, sure, but something else on his features. Subtle, whatever it is, but it’s there.

“Do you wanna fuck or not? Jesus,” he snaps. “I can’t do anything fucking right”

Oh, and there it is. It’s anger.

Your face scrunches up at his little outburst. That was not like Frankie at all. Not your sweet, loving, caring Frankie who adored you, this was someone else, someone you didn’t recognize.

“Get off me” you huff, easily wiggling your wrists free as he wasn’t holding too tightly and you bring your hands up to shove at his chest. His yelling at you instantly taking you out of the mood.

He does, immediately. He rolls off of you, grabs for his discarded boxers near the bottom of the bed and shoves them on. You do the same with your own underwear and also pull the sheet up to cover yourself, not wanting to feel any more vulnerable in front of him than you already do.

You have no idea what in the fuck that was all about, snapping at you like that when you thought everything was going rather well. He really was in a mood today apparently, and you didn’t care for it one bit. You’re already feeling overly emotional today, your period must be just around the corner or something.

The room falls silent. Frankie sits on the edge of the side of the bed, hands on his thighs and head hanging low while you lay back against the headboard, fingers twisting into the sheets, holding them around you like a shield. Tears well in your eyes, threatening to fall but you quickly blink them away before you bury your head in your knees.

“Do you want me to sleep downstairs?” He asks softly, the gruffness gone from his voice now. He sounds almost apologetic, though he’s still yet to apologize. He's not looking at you either, but your grateful for that at this moment.

You say nothing. Not trusting your voice just yet but the tiniest sniffle from your nose is near deafening in the stillness of the room. You quickly clear your throat in an attempt to cover the sound but it’s too late. Frankie’s head whips around back in your direction and he’s suddenly scrambling up the bed to wrap his arms around your lower back. Your legs lower instinctively to let him in and he lies over top of you with his head resting on your middle.

“Fuck, I’m sorry” he breathes out, voice muffled by the thin layer of the bed sheet as he buries his face into your stomach. “I’m an asshole”

“You’re not” you sigh. “Just - tell me what’s going on with you” you say calmly, hands now petting through his hair.

“Nothin’” he grumbles into your tummy.

“It’s not nothing, come on,” you try, a little softer this time. “You can tell me anything, you know I love you no matter what”

“Why?”

It's so quiet, so soft, mumbled against you that your ears almost didn’t even pick it up. Your heart breaks a little at the single uttered syllable.

“Hey,” you frown, grabbing both sides of his face in your hands and forcing him to look up at you. “Are you seriously asking why I love you? Where’s this coming from?” You ask, concerned. He’s been known to get down on himself from time to time but you’ve never seen him like this and it worries you.

He lets out a heavy sigh and rolls off of you, crawling up the bed to lay on his back next to you and rubs his hands over his face.

“Baby, talk to me” you press, turning to your side and curling up to his larger frame, hand stretching out to rest on his chest as your fingers play absently with the soft material of his t-shirt. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah, 40 happened” he groans, hand doing a sweeping motion down his body. “I mean, look at this” he shakes his head.

“Oh baby trust me, I look at this every day” you counter, an appreciative smile playing on your lips as your hand gently rubs into his chest.

“This perfect,” you pause to press a kiss into his cheek. “Sexy,” another kiss to his jaw. “Man of my dreams”

“Stop” he huffs, gently pushing you away. “Just don’t… say shit like that. It’s not true” he argues, flipping over onto his side to face away from you.

You know when to push him and when not to, and now is not one of those times. You’ll let him have his moment, knowing if you get too in his face about it he’s likely just going to shut down and you need him to be open with you if you’re going to get anywhere. So instead you just leave him be, but stay nestled into his side, your hand rubbing small circles into his back and shoulder blades, just a soft gesture to let him know you’re here and not going anywhere.

Long minutes pass and after a while you think maybe he’s fallen asleep, until you hear it. It’s barely audible, but it’s there. The tiniest whimper falls from his lips, followed by a quiet little sniffle before he buries his face into a pillow in an attempt to cover it up and your whole heart breaks in two.

“Frankie, baby” you soothe, pulling on his shoulder and forcing him to turn towards you. Surprisingly he doesn’t fight it, just lets you roll him over and he instantly buries his face in your neck once he’s facing you, unable to look you in the eyes. But you don’t need to see him, you can feel the hot tears on his cheeks as he presses into you and you wrap your arms around his shoulders a little tighter, one hand cradling the back of his head as he lets his emotions out.

“I love you, ok?” You whisper against his chocolate brown curls, your lips pressing a kiss to the side of his head. He says nothing, just nods his head against you that he knows you love him and he knows he’s being oversensitive but he just can’t help it.

“I wish you could see what I see” you murmur against him, still hugging him tightly to your body.

Franky gently pushes back from you slightly, quickly wiping at his eyes and collecting himself before his red-rimmed gaze settles on yours.

“I’m sorry I’m in a shit mood and taking it out on you, it’s not fair and you don’t deserve it” he apologizes, shaking his head slightly. “I’m just feeling down on myself I guess and I dragged you into it and I’m sorry”

“Is that what’s been going on all day?” You ask, genuinely curious. You’re starting to piece it together now, all the teasing he’s put up with all day, how he only seemed to be snapping at you when you complimented him or tried to take off his shirt tonight. Not to mention all his friends running around half naked in just their swim trunks all afternoon, most of whom kept themselves in very tip top shape. Maybe Frankie had grown a little softer since the two of you have been together but you loved it on him, his ‘dad bod’ physique. He has nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, as far as you’re concerned. But you suppose it’s hard not to feel self conscious when standing next to a shirtless Will, Benny or Santiago who all look like they could be models in some sort of hot firefighter calendar or something. None of them did anything for you though, Frankie would always hold your heart and your gaze, no matter who he was standing next to.

“I guess” Frankie sighs, fingers now picking at an imaginary thread on the blanket underneath you. “Sometimes I just wonder…” he trails off again and you frown.

“Wonder what?”

“Wonder what in the hell you’re doin’ with me” he sighs, throwing his hands up. “I’m a fuck-up. Forty years old and what have I accomplished in my life? I have a shit job, working for an asshole I can’t stand, flying tourists around and giving private lessons on the side to rich jerkoffs who don’t give a shit about learning anything about flying, just want a cool photo for their Instagram. Since I left the service I just feel like… Like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my life anymore so I just haven’t done fucking anything. And you… god knows why you give me the time of day but you do and I just don’t ever feel like I’m enough. Least I could fucking do for you is go to the gym and take care of myself, god knows I need to eat healthier” He shakes his head and you’re unsure for a moment if he’s done beating himself up but before you even have a chance to articulate a response he starts up again.

“Like look at this!” He shouts suddenly, voice raised much higher than moments earlier as he rips his shirt off his head and sweeps his hand down his front. “How can you be in love with this, with someone who looks like this?! I… fuck’”

He doesn’t get any more words out, his hands flying to his face to hide his shame as he starts sobbing with how much hatred he apparently holds for himself and you can’t take it. You lurch forward, wrapping your arms around him and holding him as tightly to your body as possible. Thankfully he doesn’t push you away, just grabs onto you like you're his only lifeline, clinging to you with desperation.

“Frankie, my love, oh Frankie” you’re in tears now too, holding onto him for dear life so he can’t slip away from you. You won’t let him. Not this time.

You crawl into his lap, your legs wrapping around his waist and arms still around his neck like a needy spider monkey.

“I love you, so fucking much” you clarify, because you need him to hear you. “I’m sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable. I know I can get carried away sometimes but I guess I just thought you were okay with it, thought we were both into it. But I’ve never lied to you when I tell you how I feel about you or your body. Do you hear me, Francisco?” You ask and after a moment he nods his head just slightly, just once.

“I am crazy about you, whether you believe it or understand it. But if it makes you uncomfortable when I express my physical attraction to you the way that I do, then I'll stop. Or, you know, try to. Sometimes in the heat of the moment it might just come out but you can remind me and I swear I'll do my best. Just tell me what you need from me baby, whatever it is I’ll give it to you. I can’t lose you Frankie, I can’t!” Your tears flow even harder and Frankie’s grip around you tightens at your words.

“I know, I know” he murmurs softly. “Too fucking good for me” he reiterates quietly, but not in an argumentative way like he’d meant it earlier, more like he can’t believe you put up with his shit but he’s so glad that you do. You think maybe your words have sunk in because he's not arguing with you anymore, not berating himself, just absorbing everything. You decide to leave it be for now. You've said your peace, now you can only hope he'll believe your words and take everything you've said into consideration to fend off whatever demons are feasting inside of him. All you want is his happiness and you know that you can't be the one to solely give that to him, that he needs to find it within himself as well, but you're damn sure willing and hoping that he'll take the support you give him and that he'll let you be there at his side to continue to take on this journey of life together. If he wants to find a new job, or a new career even, you'd support him through that in every way you can. You'll do whatever is in your power to get him through this and you just hope now that he knows that.

You hold each other for several minutes, neither of you saying anything further, just taking whatever comfort you have left to offer one another. You don't push him for any more communication, assuming if he's not speaking it's because his thoughts are still a little all over the place and he still hasn't quite worked it all out for himself. He'll talk about it again when he's ready and whether that's tonight or tomorrow or next month, you'll wait for him. He's worth the wait, there's no doubt in your mind about that.

After a while Frankie shifts you both until he’s lied down on his back on the bed with you half draped over top of him and eventually sleep overcomes the tears and emotions and your breathing evens out as you both drift off within minutes of lying down, the full events of the day finally taking its toll on your weary bodies.

When you wake again the sun hasn’t quite risen to the sky but you know it’s only minutes away, not hours. You feel like you didn’t sleep at all. Your head is pounding like you’re the one who finished a gallon of tequila last night, not your boyfriend and his friends. Frankie is beside you, though you’ve more or less switched positions. You’re fully on your back with Frankie’s arm draped across your middle, his face buried into the juncture where your neck meets your shoulder and he snores softly. You’re glad he’s sleeping peacefully, god knows he needs it. You carefully extract yourself from him, needing to get up and use the bathroom, tossing on a pair of shorts and a tank top. As you pad across the plush carpeting and out to the hallway your mind spins a hundred different directions as you think about yesterday, about last night. You were both highly emotional but truth be told you’ve felt off for weeks. More tired. Bitchy. And you know you’ve been taking it out on Frankie even when he’s the last person that deserves it and who knows, maybe he thought you’ve been trying to push away from him and last night he just tried to do it himself before you got the chance to and he let his insecurities get the better of him. Of course that wasn’t your intention, you’ve never felt for anyone the way you feel about him and you meant every word last night when you told him you can’t lose him. You’ve just been a mess lately and you can’t really explain it other than you know it’s nothing to do with Frankie and certainly not his fault, he just takes the brunt of your ‘crazy’ because he’s the closest person to you. You don’t know what the fuck has been going on with you unless…

Shit.

You practically sprint the rest of the way to the bathroom down the hall, tossing open drawers and cupboards and medicine cabinets in a flurry as you look for that precious little white stick that might explain a whole hell of a lot that’s been going on with you.

“Hey” you softly call out from the doorway of the bedroom, leaning up against it with a large glass of water in hand. Frankie slowly stirs. He’s on his stomach now and raises his head to look at you through sleep-bleared eyes, wayward curls falling across his forehead.

“Hey” he rasps out, voice no doubt shot from all the talking and yelling and crying from last night.

This is what the water was for.

You cross the room and he immediately throws the blanket open, inviting you into his warm cocoon as he slightly sits up against the headboard. You hand him the water as you settle in next to his large warm frame and he chugs the entire glass in record time.

“Ah, thank you, I needed that” he says, clearing his throat and then reaching past you to place the glass on the nightstand before he wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you into his chest, his chin resting atop your head.

“How are you feeling?” You murmur into his chest, hand coming up to draw small shapes against his clavicle.

“Like a bit of a first class idiot, if I’m bein’ honest” he sighs and you squeeze your arms around him a little tighter.

“Don’t, babe” you tut, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You were feeling a lot yesterday and it obviously needed to come out. I’m glad it did. We need to be honest with each other, you know?” You tell him, tilting your head to look up at his face. He flashes the tiniest smile at you and leans down to press a kiss to the tip of your nose before you settle back against his chest.

“Some of the things I said last night though, I didn’t even mean. Not really…” he trails off, shaking his head like he’s trying to get his thoughts in order.

You push back from him slightly and up into a sitting position and turn to face him so the two of you can have a real conversation.

“Like what?”

He shrugs shyly and looks away, fingers fidgeting with the blanket around his waist. You hear a mumbled ‘dunno’ fall from his lips. You have a pretty good idea what he’s getting at but know that he’s too embarrassed to say it himself so you help him out, scooting a little closer and placing a hand on his naked chest before you let it slowly drift lower, fingertips dancing across his warm soft flesh and his eyes close and he lets out a content little sigh as he feels your hands on his body again.

“Last night I thought that maybe… I sometimes make you feel uncomfortable when we’re in bed with the attention I give and show you... Was that just insecure Frankie talking?” You ask softly. His eyes are still closed but he nods his head. Your hand rests on his stomach and you slide it upwards again and wrap it around his neck, your thumb brushing back and forth behind his ear.

“Sorry I basically called you a liar last night. That wasn’t fair of me” He tells you sincerely, finally opening his eyes to look back at yours. “I know you love me. All of me. God knows why, but you do” he finishes with a teasing smirk.

“I do love all of you. Every inch. And sometimes I just love showing you how much I do” you shrug.

“I know. And if I’m bein’ honest… I do… y’know, like it. I really like it. I just, yesterday, I don’t know what came over me. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess and wasn’t feeling… up to par, for you, and I guess I got a little too much in my own head. Shit I don’t know, guys teasing me all night, I probably had too much to drink and looking at those stupid pictures of me from when I was much younger and took better care of myself just had me feeling not very good about myself”

“Frankie, baby,” you begin, shifting your position so you can swing one knee over to the other side of his hips so you’re sitting on his lap on your knees facing him while he rests against the headboard. His hands immediately go to your hips and rest there, just holding you, while yours go to his shoulders.

“You never have to doubt for a moment how I feel about you. How I desire you. I need you to hear me on that” you tell him, staring into his eyes in hopes he doesn’t get too embarrassed and turn away from you again. To your delight, he doesn’t. He holds your gaze and his thumbs absently draw small circles on your hips. “I am in love with this Frankie, the one right in front of me. To me he’s sweet and perfect and yeah, he turns me on. Like, a fucking lot. So sorry, but you’re just gonna have to face facts, and thems the facts” you conclude teasingly and he lets out a little chuckle.

“Understood” he nods once before he pushes forward slightly and his mouth latches on to the side of your throat, gently kissing at your inviting flesh. Your head falls back and your hands travel up to hold the back of his head, fingers running through soft chestnut curls.

“There’s something else you said last night…” you begin, trailing off slightly as Frankie’s hot mouth on your skin attempts to distract you.

“Mmm?” He mumbles into your neck, not letting up from what he’s doing as he licks and nips and sucks at the supple flesh of your throat.

Despite wanting nothing more than for him to continue, your hands go to his chest and you gently push him back. He falls back against the headboard with a quiet thud and looks at you with a hint of confusion and worry in his gaze.

“You said you haven’t accomplished anything since leaving the military and well… I just wanted you to know that I am currently in possession of evidence that you have accomplished something very special. Might even be the most important thing you’ve done in your life” you shrug and he raises a curious eyebrow at you.

“Possess… what? What do you mean?”

Rather than spell it out for him, you take his large hand in two of yours and bring it to rest on your stomach, his palm flat across the span of your belly. It’s probably too early for a ‘bump’ just yet but you hold his hand there all the same and within seconds you watch as the realization dawns across his face. At first his brow furrows like he’s confused but then they perk up and his face splits into a giant grin that reaches his eyes and causes them to crinkle at the corners.

“Baby are you… are you serious?” He asks for confirmation and you simply nod your head.

“I mean, I think so. I’ve been feeling kinda off for a while and you my dear boyfriend were too sweet to call me out on any of my crazy shit” you add teasingly and huffs a little laugh but shakes his head. “Then it all kinda clicked into place when I woke up so I took a test this morning and it was positive” you shrug. “I’ll have to make a doctors appointment to be su-“

You don’t get the rest of the words out before Frankie is on you. He surges forward pressing his mouth to yours in a firm kiss before he moves to start peppering tiny little kisses all over your face and neck until you’re bubbling over with laughter as his facial scruff tickles your throat with his frantic movements.

“We’re having a baby?” He asks, eyes welled up with tears as he pushes back from you to stare into yours. He needs to hear you say it, make sure he’s not dreaming this moment. You had a close call together once before, hence the left over pregnancy tests in your bathroom cupboard but nothing came of it. Neither of you expressed disappointment or relief over the false alarm several months back, just kept on with your lives but now it felt different. At least for you. You felt… ready. Excited, even.

“We’re having a baby” you confirm, wide grin across your lips, ecstatic that Frankie is happy with this news.

“Oh my god” he breathes out, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you tightly against his chest so he can bury his nose in your hair. “I'm gonna be a dad?”

“You’re gonna be a great dad” you clarify.

“Oh my god” he breathes out again, pulling you back tightly against him one last time.

“I’m so glad you’re happy about this” you blubber through a few tears, squeezing him back just as tightly. You really weren’t sure how this news would go over, especially given the events of last night and how Frankie currently felt about his position in life but you are incredibly relieved at how happy this news has made him. You weren’t planning this, like at all, but you suppose when you have as much sex as you and Frankie do, no matter how careful you are, it’s bound to happen.

“Of course I'm happy” Frankie murmurs into your shoulder. “I’m so fucking happy” you can feel a few stray tears fall against your skin and you smile, holding him impossibly tighter.

You stay there for several long moments, just letting everything sink in before Frankie speaks and breaks the silence. It’s quiet, muffled into the warmth of your skin as his face stays buried in your neck, but you hear it.

“Will you marry me?”

“What?” You breathe out in shock. You heard him, you know you heard exactly what he said, but… is this really happening?

“Will you-”

“I heard you” you quickly interrupt, gently pulling back from him enough so you can look at each other again. You put both hands on his face, searching for any traces of regret like maybe he just blurted that out because of the endorphins coursing through his body but he looks back at you only with pure love in those giant brown irises of his.

All the same, you need to be sure he’s absolutely sure and not just doing this because he thinks it’s ‘the right thing to do’. You want him to marry you because he wants to marry you, not because of any obligation he might feel. To be honest you’ve been waiting for a while for him to pop the question, you figured you’ve been together long enough, living together even for a while now but it hadn’t happened yet. You try not to feel too over excited that he’s asked you now, in case it’s for the wrong reasons, but you can’t help but feel how your heart practically soared the moment the words fell from his lips.

“And?...” Frankie asks hopefully and you realize it’s been several long seconds without you actually giving him an answer.

“Baby,” You sigh, your gaze glancing down for a moment and you feel his shoulders drop a little, like he’s already anticipating you saying no to him. “I would marry you in a damn heartbeat but… I just don’t want you to ask me now because you think you have to. This is a lot, I just don’t want to put any more pressure on you. I don’t expect you to suddenly feel ready to marry me because of this”

You try desperately to hold back the tears that threaten to fall. If he agrees with you and takes it back you won’t be mad with him but you know your heart will be just a little bit broken.

“Wait right here” he suddenly pipes up, taking your hands and pressing them into your lap before he extracts himself from the bed and runs over to the closet. You watch him closely, not exactly sure what he’s up to as he scavenges around at the top of the closet for a moment, rooting through a box you recognize that holds some of his military achievements that he said he didn’t want to hang up or have on display, a chapter of his life he had closed.

He seems to find what he’s been after and scurries back over to the bed, crawling across it on his knees until he’s back in front of you again and presses a small blue velvet box into your hands. You flip the lid open and a soft gasp leaves your lungs.

“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to do this” he shrugs. “I bought it weeks ago and I wanted to, you know, plan something big for you and then ask you but, I mean, what’s a bigger moment than this, right?”

Your eyes well up again (happy tears this time) as you stare down at the beautifully crafted diamond engagement ring that sparkles brightly despite the low lighting of your bedroom. The band is a beautiful rose gold, your favourite, and the cut of the diamond and style of the ring is one you’ve been dreaming about since you were a little girl. Clearly Frankie paid attention all those times you happened to pass by a jewelry store together.

“You’ve had this for weeks?” You ask through your tears, still not believing it, your dream actually coming true. Not only was Frankie asking you to marry him, but it was his idea and something he’d decided on long before he knew you were pregnant.

“Yeah I guess I’ll have to call off the marching band and the flash-mob dancers now though” he teases with a smirk. “Unless you want me to take it back and-” he goes to reach for the ring but you snatch the box out of reach, clutching it to your chest.

“Not on your life pal” you playfully threaten.

“Can I at least put it on you then?” he laughs. “That is, if you’re saying yes? Wait, let me…” he trails off and scoots off the bed again only to kneel down on one bent knee beside it. He reaches up and turns you so you’re facing him and a huge dopey smile spreads across your lips as you watch him want to do this at least somewhat properly. If anyone asks later you’ll leave out the part where he’s half naked when he popped the question.

“May I have that back, just for a second?” He asks and you oblige him, handing back the box.

He begins with saying your full name and your heart practically flutters in your chest as you take a deep breath, trying to keep your composure and get through this without being a weeping, blubbering mess.

“Would you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?” he asks, slight tremble in his voice from his nerves and all you can do is give him a face splitting smile before you frantically nod your head and yank him up from the floor, crushing your mouth to his.

“Yes I’ll marry you Francisco Morales” you murmur against his lips between hungry kisses. “About damn time” you tease and he laughs at that as well. He knows he probably should have done this sooner but he’d been waiting to save up enough money to get you the perfect ring he knew you deserved.

Frankie regretfully pulls away from your mouth to carefully pull the ring from the box and place it on your finger before he holds both your hands in his and lets out a big sigh of relief.

“You make me so happy” he confesses, leaning down so his forehead rests against yours. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever given you any reason to doubt that, but you’re the best thing in my life. Best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life making sure that you and this little one feel the same way about me”

“I will always feel the same way about you Frankie” you promise, eyes slipping shut as another tear escapes which Frankie gently brushes away with the pad of his thumb.

“You’re sure you’re still gonna love me when I’m even more of a pain in the ass in a few months than I am now?” You ask playfully and Frankie huffs a laugh but nods his head affirmatively.

“We’re locked in now baby” Frankie affirms, gently twisting the ring around your finger. “It’s you and me”

“Plus one” you add, looking down to your tummy and Frankie laughs.

“Plus one” he confirms. “And maybe down the line… more than one?” he asks playfully, moving a little closer and nuzzling into your throat before he begins to plant hot little open-mouthed kisses there. You laugh wholeheartedly, your head tossing backwards. Leave it to Frankie to learn five minutes ago that you’re barely pregnant and already asking you if you want another. You really did love him with all your heart and you don’t think you’ve ever been happier than in this moment.

And it turns out that was the truth, that was your happiest moment, until about seven months later a new one replaces it as you hold your beautiful daughter in your arms for the first time. Frankie is at your side with his forehead resting against yours as a tiny hand clutches around one of his large fingers, the one that happens to have a shiny gold band around it now, and tears flow freely down his cheeks. He’d barely gotten there in time for your unexpectedly two-week-early delivery, but he’d made it. Thankfully he was well enough known around the hospital by this point that they allowed him to land his bird on the helipad on the roof before he jumped out and let his co-pilot take over for him as he rushed inside to find you.

It turned out Frankie had found his calling not long after your little unexpected surprise all those months ago. His reflections on the direction his life was going, coupled with your exciting news of having an addition to your family, gave him the push he needed to have his career together in a way that was both rewarding and challenging to him and after a few months of long days and intense training he was accepted into the local Red Cross chapter’s Search and Rescue Program as a Lead Pilot. He loved his job again. He was proud of what he did and most importantly knew that his family could be proud of him too. It allowed him to give back and to serve his community and country the way he always felt he was meant for, except now he could do it and still be home in time for dinner most nights, not shipping out to god knows where for months at a time as he had done in the service.

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Morales” the doctor beamed at the two of you, though neither of you could take your gaze off the tiny bundle in your arms long enough to look back at her. Frankie mumbled a polite ‘thank you’ towards her before pressing a kiss into your temple.

“You did it baby” he murmurs against your skin and you can feel the smile spread across his lips.

“We did it baby” you correct him, turning your head just slightly to press a kiss to the underside of his chin. “We made this beautiful, perfect angel” you sigh, nuzzling back in towards your daughter, inhaling that euphoric ‘new baby smell’ you’d up until now only read about but now completely understood.

“My girls” Frankie sighs, heart swelling with content at how goddamn lucky he got in his life.

“Thank you for loving me” he confesses, lips pressed to your temple.

Taglist: @nerdieforpedro @suzdin @iamasaddie @boliv-jenta @chronically-ghosted @vabeachazn @anotherpedrolover @axshadows @pedroshotwifey @survivingandenduring @theywhowriteandknowthings

[gfmima]

category : 米哈游 原神 work title : “love bites”? more like, love does bite, eh?

humiliating. mortifying. there’s no other way to describe the sight of the nation’s number one detective, self-proclaimed, moseying down the city’s main thoroughfares in the middle of his work break. it was tough to figure out if he was simply aloof or ignorant of his surroundings.

bystanders gasp in shock as heads turn to look at the awful sight of him.

the icing on the cake was how he wore them in pride, as if it was a medal of honor he had won by merit. his little idiosyncrasies were expected by the residents of narukami island and his agreeable personality made it easier to bear, though this was going too far.

heizō’s flagrant show of what transpired on your late-night rendezvous prompted a wide range of responses. some were indifferent, others were downright scandalized by how shameless he was to carry himself in broad daylight… there are children here!

the elder citizens clutch their sango pearls in horror. what a time to be alive! a member of the tenryou commission had chosen to roam the streets while flaunting such blue marks littered all over his neck with great delight.

“oh, may the almighty raiden shogun have mercy on us all,” a graying woman prays to herself, wise eyes turn shut after the quick show of his bruised skin when he strides past her in the direction of the komore teahouse.

“celestia knows we need it.”

the highly esteemed tengu kujou sara thought of chastising him for his less than savory appearance once she caught wind of the snickering in the background. it was considered dishonorable to the kujou clan after all, a giant offense even. however, she was at a loss for words; too embarrassed over the suggestive nature of these blemishes.

hence, she placed the burden onto you instead.

wonderful.

“darling…”

“lovely…”

“light of my life? fine. i can speak for the two of us anyway,” heizō puffs his cheeks then sighs out loud, “in all honesty, i don’t understand why i’m the bad guy here. i didn’t do anything wrong?!” he shakes his head. “i’m willing to argue this goes against protocol since it involves my personal life and—HUH?”

your hands planted on either side of his face, squishing it to stop him from rambling on and on and on.

“heizou?”

“hmph?”

“shut up.”

you lean back to study your work.

he was very lucky you decided to bring your hand kinchaku today. without it, he would’ve been out of commission for a day or two. and although the beauty product failed to properly conceal the love bites, it did a pretty decent job. it was now impossible to see unless you squinted.

“please stop making this more difficult than it should be.” 

“b-but! why would you wish to conceal the evidence of your love for me?” you roll your eyes. how dramatic. heizou stares at you with a pitiful yet endearing look of desperation on his face. “it ISN’T noticeable, in fact, much of it is hidden by my collar.”

“don’t care, you’re the tenryou commission detective,”  you mumble, refusing to succumb to his request no matter how cutely he refutes the comments about his public indecency. “it’s inappropriate for you to come to work looking like this.”

“well, you weren’t thinking that last n—OUCH!” he pulls out the theatrics, massaging the spot you pinched with the sulk of sulkiest pout known to mankind. “it was the truth!”

a nosy architect observes and gives him a quick once-over, “i see you’ve woken up on the right side of the bed today.”

wanderer scoffs at him then returns his focus to the grand sage’s discussion with you on the akademiya’s renovation plans to accommodate more students by supplying better facilities. his gaze lingers on you instead, and kaveh wasn’t blind to his actions.

from the moment you stepped inside the room together, he sensed a change in the air. it was… eye-opening? to say the least.

he overheard the personal aid of lesser lord kusanali wasn’t the most pleasant of companions, yet you enter with a coy expression, which is rare for the recently elected sage of the rtawahist darshan.

“oh?”

kaveh draws his bottom lip between his teeth. it was fun to see the infamous man grow increasingly irritated by his inquisitive stare. “there is no need to get defensive. i’m not interested in what you and the new sage do in your outside of work… especially when you two are consenting adults.”

wanderer glares.

“right side of your face, below your ear.”

in an attempt to be as invisible to the naked eye as possible, he cranes his head downward in hopes that his hat obscures his face as he checks his reflection on the smooth marble flooring to figure out what the nosy blond was going on about.

upon seeing what he did, heat rushed into his system and dusted his cheeks.

the moron was telling the truth, he inwardly scoffs; a faint bruise paints his neck directly below his ear, leaving little to no room for interpretation.

it was loud and clear.

wanderer was thrown off his balance by its presence that he was hardly able to react to the architect’s snickering next to him. no number of years in this world could’ve prepared him for this tricky situation.

(he secretly adored it!)

he appreciated the lengths you went to let him understand how much you wanted him, desired him, but my goodness, couldn’t you have chosen a less noticeable part of his body?

perhaps his lower stomach?

maybe even his chest area?

there was no saving him now… he spent his morning hiking through the streets tending to nahida’s errands like checking on the welfare of its citizens, so he was hilariously late on conjuring up a fool-proof plan to hide it.

everyone and their mother saw it by now. he could only pray the opposite happened for the young archon.

he was abruptly removed from his thoughts by the sound of you bidding alhaitham farewell; doe-like eyes make contact with his wordless agreement to meet one another in private after the this.

he didn’t want to be too obvious, so he waited for everyone to finish their business and leave before he moved, thinking he could walk away scot-free.

alas, he spoke too soon.

“have a wonderful evening, my friend!” kaveh greets loud enough for many heads to turn and stare at him curiously.

he was definitely going to have a word with nahida about the grand sage’s associate.

[thedevilspearl]

ooo for the kink game! what about a neglect kink? i'm so curious lol

neglect kink

had to use google for this one and why do i lowkey already fantasise about this? like....the idea of your partner being right there but not giving you attention? hello???

a/n: need to clarify that this would happen between trusting partners where it is discussed beforehand. neglecting your partner is never okay but some people may enjoy not being given affection or attention, perhaps as punishment. no judging or kinkshaming please! minors do not interact!

you already know lucifer is on this list! imagine....you’ve been very bad and he isn’t happy at all. he has no qualms stripping you down and placing you on the armchair across from his desk. and while he busies himself with paperwork, you’re not allowed to move or speak and every time you try to get his attention, he’s going to ignore you for longer. not once does he look up from his work, and every time you break a rule, he’s adding ten minutes to the timer. and don’t even think about touching yourself, because then he’ll add an hour.

with levi, it definitely stems from his low self–esteem and insecurities. it takes a lot of explaining for you to realise it’s a coping mechanism. even if his self–worth has improved over time, he still wants to try it. and oh my goodness, he loves it. the idea of you dominating him is riveting enough. but when you have the power to ignore him completely....he is so into it. he loves when you sit in his gaming chair playing on a device while he’s on his knees whining and begging you for attention. he’s so hard, desperately rutting against your ankle while you don’t even acknowledge his existence. it’s so hot.

belphie’s neglect kink is more secretive, and more perverted in manner. you have every reason to ignore him after what he did. and he knows it will take time for you to forgive and warm up to him. in the meantime, however, he finds himself stroking his cock to the thought of you always hanging out with his brothers, but never him. the way you don’t even look at him makes his cock throb like never before. it’s gross but he can’t help it. he would never act this kink out with you, though. it would pretty much disappear when you start being friendly with him.

i have a hard time trying to explain simeon with this kink but i just know he has it. oh how he would just love to tie you up mid–sex, preferably right before you orgasm. you’re thrashing around and begging him to not tie you up because you know what’s coming. hours and hours of neglect. every now and then, he would check in on you, ensuring you’re still okay before going back to his book and tea. but he doesn’t leave you with nothing. as a reward for you being so patient, he will give you as many orgasms as you desire, and more. “patience is a virtue, my love. you learned that, right?”

[overgrown3d]

Messages from your person 🫂 (PAC)

💭What do they have in their mind? What words have they left unsaid? What is something they want to tell you the most, be it about love, gratitude, and friendship? !REMINDER! This is a general reading, take what resonates.

✨How to select your pile?✨

1. Slow your breathing, taking deep inhales. Focus on feeling present in your environment.

2. Looking from left to right, use your intuition to pick the pile meant for you (what you connect most with.)

3. Doesn't resonate? No worries! Pick another, it's message may be just right for you.

!!For Entertainment Purposes Only!!

Pile 1 -> Pile 2

Pile 3 -> Pile 4

🔹Pile 1 ;

Cards: The Hermit (rev), The Sun, King of swords (rev), 9 of swords, 10 of wands, 8 of swords

"Dear Pile 1,

There are so many things in my head that I want to say, but I struggle to say them. I feel so burdened with responsibilities and tasks, I am not the lover I want to be, I am not the person that I so badly need to be. I'm in a dark place right now, and it feels like I'm doing the wrong things to get through it. What I need the most is to step up for myself, to find peace and confidence. There are nights where I am kept awake, and days where I am kept moving. I'm sorry, I feel like I disappointed you, and I disappointed myself. Truth is, what I need is help. Carrying my burdens alone, I don't think I can make it out of here."

🌊~~~~

Alright, that was really depressing 🥲. Pile 1, this person feels trapped right now. Daily responsibilities can be taking a toll on them right now, I also heard that they aren't meeting expectations? They have pretty bad self esteem, undermining themselves despite all the work they do. I'm getting that this person is pretty impressive in how much they can handle. But right now, they are at their limits, they can't take anymore. A lot of their feelings of being "trapped" are their own insecurities, they have a lot of things in their mind that they can't control. Honestly, it's like they know they need to focus on themselves more, but their daily schedule and habitual thoughts don't allow for that change to come smoothly. I'm getting that they just need help to go through these things, they don't want to be alone. They do have a lot of things to say, but it's like they're not in a space where they can voice their thoughts out. Maybe it's also their role that they are considering.

If you chose this pile with your FS in mind, this is most likely where they are right now in life, or could be the same energy when the two of you meet.

🔹Pile 2;

Cards: Page of Wands, The Devil, Strength, The Hanged Man, 10 of swords, 6 of Cups, 10 of Cups

"Dear Pile 2,

You really changed me, you let me see the light in my future way beyond what I could've ever imagined. I never thought I could have my own happily-ever-after, but I learned that it wasn't too impossible in the first place. I'm so grateful for the new experiences you brought me, and experiences we went through together. I was able to learn a lot from you, like being introduced to spiritual concepts, and having more faith in the divine. I'm making the steps to change my life for the better, with newfound strength. I appreciate you for these new insights."

🌊~~~~

Pile 2, your person mentions you a lot in this reading. There is a lot of emphasis on their gratitude towards you, and whatever you've done, it really helped them open up to a new experience or thought patterns. Like, they have a lot of confidence in creating a future for themselves, and are enthusiastic to be walking down that path. Perhaps you gave them advice, or commented on how they can process their trauma and emotions, maybe even introduced them to Tarot, Astrology, Meditations, etc. They now adopt this in their lifestyle, and it's greatly serving them to the point where they give you a bunch of credit for it haha. Habits are standing out to me here, they could've been the type of person to really struggle with temptations & being lazy, but now they're psyched to start acting. I'm heavily feeling like you helped them break old patterns and gave them hope. You kinda changed the trajectory of their life. They think it's thanks to you, and want you to know it!

🔹Pile 3 ;

Cards: The hanged man, 6 of swords, the tower, the hermit, king of words, queen of wands, the star, 4 of swords, 4 of pentacles

"Dear Pile 3,

Life has been pretty good lately. I feel in control of things like my thoughts and emotions. They don't go haywire anymore, haha. I'm not leading the life I used to. I'm doing better each day with all this healing and stuff. I'm focusing a lot on resting, trying to build up my assets, and mature a whole lot more. Life has been steady, and I'm slowly rebuilding it. I'm lucky to have another chance at life, and I'll be sure not to waste it."

🌊~~~~

Your pile is different from 1 & 2! This message is addressed to you in the form of a check-in letter. I'm getting the vibe that this is a relationship where you aren't closely in contact right now, or interactions could happen occasionally. This honestly feels like they are telling you not to worry about them, since their life is going pretty well right now. This person could've been in a bad place before, which justifies you having worries about their life, but low-key they're kinda thriving lmao! They seem to be in a steady and good place, probably a drastic comparison to their past or how you first met them. Their life is in the process of balancing right now (though it can be that they are financially struggling), but this is more of their headspace being balanced. They're pretty zen, which might come up as a legitimate shock lol. You most likely were included in their old life somehow, enough for them to want to update you on their life.

🔹Pile 4 ;

Cards: 6 of wands, 2 of Cups, queen of cups, 4 of cups, 5 of cups, 5 of wands, page of cups

"Dear Pile 4,

I've been at a loss, and I know it's in my best interest to put things behind me. I still grieve, grieving over many things. Among the many, is the past. Nonetheless, I move on -- I'm still learning and growing. I know I'm not lacking in support, I have you among other things. There are days where I'm not sure how to pinpoint my emotions, inside of me are inner conflicts at times. It's a battle I'm going through, but do believe that after trial and error, it's one that I'll win."

🌊~~~~

Pile 4, this person cares so much about you. Honestly, it's tempting to say that this is romantic, but it honestly applies to platonic relationships given the context. They have a lot of care for you, so much so that they want to be emotionally open about these things. To them, you're their rock, their shoulder to cry on. You're the Queen of Cups while they're the Page. Honestly, you help this person process their emotions, because I'm seeing that they greatly benefit through having you around in tough times. From the 2 of Cups, this is definitely a union, energy is heavily pointing to this being a close connection. This person may be overcoming a loss, hence the help you provide. Arghhh it's like they want to improve themselves not just for their sake, but also yours. They want to move together as a team, but they feel that they need to develop themselves emotionally still. They do want to let you know of their appreciation, but it's like this is something they want to do alone, this will be their own victory.

🌊~~~ You reached the end of the reading, 'till next time!

[ridiasfangirlings]

Saruhiko is even more tragic to me because not even the actions he chooses to make as an attempt of self-destruction are truly his, it's just his paranoia at most. :( He can't feel truly happy while untreated because his mental illness will I always make him feel displaced without him even knowing.

Yesss, that’s one of the saddest things about Fushimi to me: he makes all these bad decisions to avoid being left behind by Yata, when Yata was literally never planning on leaving him behind at all. Fushimi’s upbringing has basically conditioned him to think that everyone will abandon him eventually, that anything he cares about will be destroyed, and that he basically can’t rely on anyone except himself (Gora once referred to it in a blog post as ‘loneliness so deep he didn’t even realize he was alone,’ like just put arrow to my heart why don’t you). When he meets Yata that starts to change but even Yata can’t really erase years of Fushimi being told implicitly that he’s not worth caring about, that the only person who will even give him attention is the guy who just likes seeing him miserable. Fushimi gets a self esteem boost from Yata calling him amazing but even that’s a fragile thing — I think Fushimi basically puts all his belief in that ‘amazing,’ that okay now he can be by Yata’s side because as long as he keeps being amazing Yata will never leave him. There has to be a reason because otherwise Fushimi can’t fathom why Yata would be different than all the other people who have overlooked him or left him behind, but if he’s amazing to Misaki that’s, as LSW puts it, ‘a real thing that he achieved.’ 

But then they fail with the jungle surprise party and suddenly Fushimi isn’t amazing and Mikoto is, and Fushimi basically all on his own assumes he’s no longer enough. He feels uncomfortable in Homra because unlike Yata, who I think yearns for a community, Fushimi has always felt that he can’t belong in a group unless he has some measure of usefulness that would make them want to keep him there. Fushimi immediately decides that he can’t fit in at Homra so he pretty much makes that feeling a self-fulfilling prophecy — even to the point that when Kusanagi straight-up says ‘I hope you can always stay in Homra’ Fushimi manages to twist that in his head as being something that proves he doesn’t fit in Homra, because Kusanagi would never say that to Yata.

 While Yata definitely makes his own mistakes as far as their relationship is concerned — Yata manages to completely miss how out of place Fushimi feels, and he just assumes Fushimi feels the same way about Homra that he does without even asking if that’s actually the case — most of their breakup is due to reasons made up entirely in Fushimi’s mind. He assumes that because Yata has other friends there’s no way he would choose Fushimi over them (no one has ever chosen Fushimi before, after all) and Fushimi refuses to have the single honest conversation that would solve all his problems because he’s convinced himself that Yata was always leaving him behind and there’s no point in talking about it. I think that’s part of what makes him so compelling as a character, because Fushimi is basically trapped in a self destruction spiral of his own making and refuses to try and escape it, and meanwhile the people who care about him are all trying in their own ways to convince him that it doesn’t need to be this way.