#My only guess is folks on there are autistic about their interests; but don't want to appear that way to people outside their fandom

[kennys-parka-jacket]

.

[shegeekery]

Pretend there's a clever title here (intro post)

Update: I'm going to start putting links to my fanfics in this post as well. If you prefer reading on AO3, my author page is here. Splintered (DW/Loki crossover, 13,439 words) Dream Therapy (One-shot about Erik Selvig, 1,308 words) Misfits (Jane Foster & Loki in Valhalla, 15,714 words)

Update: I have a side-blog for spiritual stuff now (@finally-learning-to-be-me ). This main blog is mostly for fandom and general stuff. Norse Loki and MCU Loki are two very different things in my mind, but it can get confusing if it’s all jumbled up together in one blog.

Guess I should probably introduce myself on this platform...

Hi everyone. I'm a geeky, AuDHD, NB, Gen-X software engineer and mom. I'm a long-time Doctor Who fan, but since the Loki S2 finale I've been completely obsessed. (I mean, seriously? David Tennant and RTD were coming back and suddenly all I could think about was Loki? How did that happen?) I just needed others to share with as I'm socially isolated and my family doesn't get into these things the way I do.

If you couldn't tell from my previous posts, I spend a lot of time thinking about (over-thinking?) certain characters. Nice to read all of your posts and know that I'm not alone in this!

I don't really get emotionally invested in ships, but I don't mind reading others' takes on them. Lokius, Sylkie, OB/Casey, whatever. It's all good. The only thing I actively avoid (in any fandom or in tabloids, for that matter) is anything that involves shipping real, living people. That's a line I'm not comfortable crossing. I've dabbled in writing fan-fic in the past and I think I may do so again in the not-too-distant future.

Other interests include studying history and connecting with other autistic folk online. I've stopped using other social media platforms, though — too much drama and not enough listening. Who needs it?

I know I'm older than the vast majority of people here and I'm more than a little self-conscious about it. I seriously considered not mentioning it at all, but I've spent most of my life trying to hide who I really am in a vain effort to "fit in" and just don't want to do that anymore. Hope that's okay with you all. Truth is, I've never connected easily with people my own age.

Views: social democrat, strongly pro-LGBTQI+ (one of my daughters is trans and nothing brings out the mama-bear in me like transphobic nonsense), anti-genocide, agnostic, anti-bullying of any kind.

[stray-syst3m]

Developed a nasty habit recently of scrolling through fake claiming subreddits (y'all know the ones) and I've noticed quite a bit of bullshit. So here's a list of things that apparently mean you're faking, but are actually just regular activities you might do and correlate or relate to your experience as a system or autistic. I'm also going to give my argument against them in the bullet points. (These are mostly about traumagenic systems but I also mention autism)

1- using dancing as stimming. My reasoning this is wrong is that stims are "repetitive body movements or repetitive movements of objects" and people stim for different reasons. Even neurotypical folk stim. Reasons folk may stim include, but are not limited to sensory reinforcement or stimulation, to regulate sensory input by increasing or decreasing sensory overload, etc. Dancing is a good example of this. It is a repetitive body movement often used to reinforce sensory input or, in my personal situation, increase sensory input when I feel like I need more stimulation. Let me guess, it only counts as stimming when it's violently flapping your arms and fitting into an ableist stereotype, huh?

2- "strange" names. Why should I even argue here? This is just transphobia rewrapped as "calling out fakers." My name is Richie. That is not a strange name, is it? Would I be fake claimed for being an alter? (Probably but not for this.) If my name were Arson, if course I would. However, I chose my name. Many alters/ headmates do. We are individuals and we are allowed to change things about ourselves as we please and this does not suddenly make us fake systems.

3- using neopronouns or multiple pronouns. Same as above. I'm not re-explaining that part. Also plays into ableism. This is why I'd be fakeclaimed. I use he/wolf pronouns (and some others). I'm a man and I highly identify with wolves due to my innerworld self. We are autistic as well and many of us have cat neopronouns due to our special interest in felines and warrior cats. Our brain is wired differently than neurotypical folks in multiple ways and the way we connect to gender and the world is perceived by us in a way different to others, hence us being transgender. Due to our high interest in cats and the fact it ties into most aspects of our life, we ended up identifying with them on a gender level as well.

4- having animal alters. This is a noted thing in DID systems. Do your research before fakeclaiming, jeez. Or just don't fakeclaim.

5- Being alterhuman in any way. Alterhumanity is a thing. Some people are alterhuman. Some people are also systems. There is going to be overlap.

6- Having any fictives from "recent" media. The definition on recent is loose to them. Is Bambi recent? We have a Bambi fictive. Is he too recent for you? Or maybe our fictives from warrior cats are too recent. Fictives exist sometimes, especially in autistic and ADHD systems.

7- having factives. At all. Even though factives are a noted thing in psychology? My therapist has brought up factives (not by that term) without me bringing them up.

8- having littles. Or not having littles. This is confusing to me. I see them mock littles for being too adult but also for being childish! How do you want them to act, then? And when a system doesn't have any littles, somehow this means they are lying about having trauma in childhood.

9- Experiencing a headspace in any capacity. Yes, even just daydreaming one. This is a therapy technique actually taught to systems to help us communicate internally. It's a thing many of us build on our own, in order to communicate. This is normal. It is a noted thing in DID research.

10- you have a singletsona. DID is a covert disorder. It is a common thing to have a single being the whole system masks as. This is normal and cited in research on DID.

11- you don't have a singletsona. Some people want to exist as themselves. This is also normal in DID, especially in those who are aware of their system and are working on communication and healing.

12- you have any online presence. Disabled people exist. Get over it.

13- you talk openly about being a system. Ever. Apparently being open about this part of our life is bad.

14- you haven't been diagnosed. This one pisses me off a lot. Was my mom's cancer not cancer before she was diagnosed with it?

[auricbound]

im not rbing the post solely because i kind of interact with the younger side of the fma fandom as part of my job for a moderator of a big discord but i do wanna be able to talk about this like. somewhat as part of the whole thing i went through. little bit introspective but i think it's an important perspective to have as someone on the younger end who interacts with Both Sides.

also just kinda dumpy. nonsense ahead. i'm very mentally ill. it goes off track but im sure you can see my points in there. somewhere. i guess.

back then i was kinda like. still freshly 18 ? and i joined the rpc because i got my brainrot (which actually is a special interest i just didnt know i was autistic at the time but that's besides the point). and i was very, very desensitized to certain parts of the internet. except i was still ... vulnerable. very much so.

ignoring the fact the pandemic happened right during my highschool graduation in 2020 (meaning i was still a minor at the time), i kinda was. still rockin with my youthful energy ! and ignorance. and naivete.

i guess a good way to say it is: i was 18, but that's still ... not an adult. not really. it's a young adult. people older than me should've seen me as kind of that weird younger sibling, but instead i was made out to be a full-on same-age peer - and that ... caused issues. a lot. mainly in the bond i had with someone and how unhealthy it became because we "clicked" even though this person is 14 years older than me.

"you're mature for your age." please don't EVER say that to someone, period - but especially so in my case, because i was a young adult and i was just barely figuring out where i was in the world alongside years of built-up autistic burnout and stress finally imploding. i was only 18. i still didn't feel anywhere near "grown up" and quite frankly i still don't - that's just kinda the curse of having major life milestones during major world events.

but we wrote stuff. dark stuff. stuff i have never and will never share on the blog, nor will i ever speak about except to specific people - at least, until i'm READY to ever go public about it for one reason or another. point is - i was 18. i held my fault in broaching the topic in the first place - however gently it was - but it was even more on the fault of the other person, 14 years older than me, for never shutting it down and in fact encouraging and adding to it all. this would have been fine if things didn't explode the way they did, but - well, they exploded.

really bad. to the point that i was actively gaslit and i genuinely believed myself to be a problem because surely, it was all my fault. they had made it OUT to be my fault. i was told i was obsessed with control and that i needed help - all by someone that much older than me, all by someone who insisted that it was a black and white of child or adult, no inbetween. i couldn't ask for things only a child would get because i was an adult and i had to act like it. and that's just - not a healthy way to be. at all. ever.

just ... please, if you're going to have the age of 18 be your limit, please be mindful of the vulnerabilities of people RIGHT at that limit. i want the older folks to be mindful that we're still all figuring stuff out and we can and will fuck up sometimes - just like EVERYONE ELSE does, only maybe a little bit more unstably.

don't expect us to be perfect. in that same breath, please SHUT US DOWN if we push too far on something - we need clear boundaries, and boundaries like that were never SET with me because of the other party engaging actively. it's a complicated, fucked up mess ; i don't want anyone else to be hurt the way i did, nor do i want anyone to hurt people the way they hurt me.

i wasn't given that luxury. i was taken advantage of, and i don't ever, EVER want anyone else to go through that. this is why i'm still hesitant of people that much older than me - but i haven't even really begun to cover it all, and i don't really want to do that yet. it's hard to put these thoughts together to begin with without feeling indescribable rage at how long i had suppressed those memories that proved i wasn't at fault, not in the way i was said to be.

use that emotional maturity you have for the better. see us like little siblings, the same way peers can exist in different age groups but still communicate with eachother. just ...

be calm. and understanding. have your boundaries and ENFORCE THEM, and be kind while doing so unless given good reason otherwise. if you make 18 your limit, please treat anyone within that age range with the same respect you'd give just a newbie college student. don't ... expect full people out of us. not yet.

the pandemic fucked up everything. the economy sucks. the world is dying, and we're the ones left with it - so please just ... be kind. especially since people younger than i am are getting progressively less safety-literate. even for my generation specifically i'm on the higher end of safe, but i still was hurt by someone older than me - just not in the way most people would think of if i ever used the word for what actually happened. and that's a problem.

please, please set your boundaries. be EXPLICIT about them. do not be vague because odds are, none of them have the life experience to read between the lines like that yet. we don't have life experience period - even 20 is still so young.

i was 18 then. i turned 19 right at the end of it all. and i dealt with that for 3 whole years, all of it blaming myself in secret - until recently, that is. that talk was eye-opening and life-altering. i want to be a pillar now because of it - someone that those younger than me can turn to for help, but someone that those older than me can talk to to be able to bridge some kind of gap between them and the young adults.

i was 18 then. i don't believe anyone here will be as irresponsible as them - but i have to say this, regardless, because i may be their only victim with this experience. i was 18 then, and i've changed since - but i'm still young, still learning.

let us learn, so that you can learn from us too. we gotta work together to foster a safe community for everyone involved.

[schizosupport]

Hi! No rush on responding to this, I saw you're pretty busy and you might have some other asks so take your time and don't feel overwhelmed,

Also I'm sorry if you've answered this many times before, but I'm new to the neurodivergencies, can you explain hyperfixations vs special interests? Do (sometimes) hyperfixations become special interests?

Hi anon!

Ok so the short answer as I know it is that the term "special interest" was originally used by/about autistic people, and as more neurodivergent folks of other stripes started relating to the descriptions of special interests and using the term for their own experiences, there was some amount of pushback from the autistic community who felt the term was being watered down or losing its specificity.

Hyperfixation was coined as a broader/more inclusive term for a similar experience. Of course, given the way of culture and language, at this point the two are often used to refer to somewhat different experiences even within the same individual. In that sense, the implication is often that a special interest is a more long-term, often years-long, commitment to an interest. Whereas a hyperfixation may be more intense and short lived.

I think the simple answer is that if you are not autistic, some people might prefer you use hyperfixation to describe either of those experiences, but whatever you choose to call it, there's no real proper definition, so it's helpful to add a qualifier.

Like "my most recent hyperfixation.." implies a series of short lived but intense interests, while "I've been hyperfixated on (..) since I was 3" conveys a different type of connection.

As for what either term means, in my mind it basically refers to a type of single-minded joy and focus on a topic or hobby to the point that many neurotypicals consider it "weird and obsessive", often in subjects that many people wouldn't want to dive that deep into. But that's not a perfect definition by any means, and leaves out a lot of experiences. It's kind of like .. there are surely neurotypical nerds out there, but the super-nerds.. in almost any topic.. those of use who get weird about it, where even regular nerds lift an eyebrow.. super nerds in any topic (from horses to chemistry to superheroes to philosophy to electric circuits to ... ) are often some flavour of crazy/neurodivergent.

If you're asking whether short term hyperfixations ever become more longterm ingrained, certainly! It depends on the person, as most things. Some people only have either long or short term fixations, but many have both experiences simultaneously.. by nature of it, most people don't have many long term fixations, since there's a limit to how many topics you can keep that level of investment in. At a point it's just a hobby (when you go from supernerd to just a nerd, I guess).

..I think ultimately you get to define for yourself how you want to use these words if you relate to the concepts.

In any case, welcome to the nd community!

[gumpistol]

💡Do you get ideas from reading meta/headcanons/bios, or do those only pop up as you write?

✨ Are you easily intimidated by muns or muses that you admire?

💡Do you get ideas from reading meta/headcanons/bios, or do those only pop up as you write?

   I honestly think it's a combination of both, especially when it comes to writing Luffy! For example, if i see that someone has a straw hat verse, i immediately start getting ideas and want to be part of that if i can. and i'm sure ideas pop up when i read metas too, i just can't think of any specific instances right now. i do think the majority of ideas ( especially with Luffy ) come from the most random shit in my brain though, and then somehow eventually manifest into something different? at least for new interactions, otherwise ideas come as i discuss headcanons ooc with other muns, which in a way is like reading them, just not reading them on the dash. i guess in some chaotic way, my ideas come from everywhere, from every direction, and i genuinely don't know how to to sort through them all??

    like just the other day, i was riding home from work, and i have no idea how i got to this thought, but i got to thinking about Luffy and entomophagy ( eating insects ) and i had to scribble that down as soon as i walked in the door. now that i think about it though, i think it's because i had been discussing food/eating habits with wilder the day before, which originally stemmed from their meta on Doffy's food habits. so yeah, all the ideas, all the time, inspired from so many different sources!

✨ Are you easily intimidated by muns or muses that you admire?

   i think at this point i am very rarely intimidated. once upon a time i was, but coming into this fandom originally by myself AND writing one of the most friendly and outgoing characters, i didn't really see room to let intimidation keep me from interacting? i was definitely nervous at first with writing a new character, and a main, beloved, and complex character at that. but people were very chill as i gradually figured out my voice for Luffy, and now those nerves are pretty much gone, because after 7 months of having this blog, i have confidence in the way i write him! :D

   i think of maybe two or three instances where "intimidation" was a factor, but i look back on it now, and i think it was more of an uncertainty on how to communicate with certain people, like being unable to get a read if that makes sense? so i guess i'm more so intimidated when i don't know how to start the conversation. that's why originally i had an interest tracker on this blog to kind of get an idea of what people would be interested in talking about or plotting, because i am autistic and that direct "this is what i want" really helps me when reaching out. i'm thinking about revamping that and maybe linking it again since i've definitely gotten several new folks here since removing it. 

      🇲​​🇺​​🇳​ ​🇨​​🇴​​🇲​​🇲​​🇺​​🇳​​🇮​​🇨​​🇦​​🇹​​🇮​​🇴​​🇳​ ​🇵​​🇷​​🇪​​🇫​​🇪​​🇷​​🇪​​🇳​​🇨​​🇪​ / @enruiinas

[troonwolf]

thank you for speaking up about the cult tactics used in the pro endo community. even though i Was mostly syscourse unaligned leaning anti, the pro endo community gave me a really bad vibe. seeing a lot of shit they say screamed “cult” to me too but i didn’t feel comfortable enough calling it out because i’m not a cult survivor and i don’t know a lot about cults. i was also never pro endo so it’s not like i could speak from personal experience either. so i kind of brushed off my gut reaction and told myself i’m overreacting about something i don’t know a lot about. so i’m glad to know more now and know that the pro endo community does harm beyond what i even initially thought. i’m definitely more anti endo now because the pro endo community is absolutely the anti vaxers of the neurodivergent community. also notice how many of them support the demedicalization of autism too. idk if you remember that but i’m referencing specifically the time a few months ago when some prominent pro endo bloggers were jumping down the throats of autistic anti endos because they called their autism a disability.

Ty for your input anon! Interesting to read other folks perspectives and experiences on all this.

The funny thing is I literally only started talking about how I myself am a cult survivor because everytime I try to talk about cults in the system community, people have this knee-jerk reaction of having to respond to you with essays on how unless you're a cult survivor, you shouldn't be talking about cults.

Now first off that's obviously not true and pretty stupid. Tons of academic professionals and researchers and etc who are involved in widening our understanding of cults, were not themselves victims of cults. That's like saying I can't talk about the black plague because I wasn't there.

But literally just to make people stop having that response to me I was like welp guess I'm gonna have to talk about specific details of my trauma of being lured into a doomsday bunker in the mountains by my mother even tho both sides of this debate are constantly talking about how we shouldn't pressure people to have to talk about or reveal their trauma.

The idea of cults and cult victims have a weird status of reverence in the community, we're almost treated like a mythological creature. "Oh no, don't talk about cults! There might be a...*whispers* cult victim here...." It's very very bizarre.

Cults are an age-old phenomenon with tons of research put behind them. We actually know a fucking lot about cults. Saying you need to have been in one to be able to understand them is ridiculous.

Comparing this to other things: you don't need to have been abused as a child to have a good understanding of child abuse. We have a pretty informed understanding of what child abuse is and how it functions by this point. You can still call something out as being child abuse without having experienced it yourself.

With that said I'm glad there are people who understand my point, but honestly after this experience I've concluded both sides of the anti/endo discourse are a bunch of clowns who just want a tumblr pvp social club. People are involved literally just to be part of the community, whether anti or endo. Folks actual reasons for being against endos is dumb shit like "they're just dumb teenagers who don't know what they're doing", when if that's really the case then why are you "anti" in the first place? Idc what dumb teenagers are doing, why do you?

I hate endos because they cause harm but most people in this discourse legitimately seem like they're just anti-endos because they think it's cringe and want to be a cool tumblr hater.

[meteorsage]

Things my brain thinks it predicted

In 2019 I committed to a very risky decision

So there I am, 5k miles from home, explaining to someone that if she's not the queen of their block then she's probably in a cult

She says that because I pray I must be in a cult too

I don't remember everything I say, I remeber breaking every point down to explain it thoroughly. She thought it would be funny to have me autistically explain metaphors and I, for reasons that made sense at the time, said "sale y vale"

- iron crown defeats draconian; I thought this would be an astrological event. It was not

- 2 Mayan bros, like the hero story, both in comic book movies from different halves of the world; yall see those Blue Beetle and One Piece live action movies? I'm glad Iñaki got to dub himself

- a rosy idol-of-idols that rises out of a field of grass in the Midwest, and is worshipped by rosy-tinted folks of all shades. Where the Gaga implied, she *is*. She does not have "ironic" enjoyers, only "zealots" and "zero-interests". Karma is her kink, she says so in a song. [The host asked me if that was my favorite song, I said mine was about the pretty pink horses, she references a slur for gay men, I ask if me wearing a pastel star would make things easier for her]

- A movie about a baby deer, effect is people empathetic to men who go though abuse. They still interview the abuser [My host commented that this sounded like a self-pitying fantasy]

- Colbert & Carell reminiscing on the late show when Colbert turns 60 because "60" is when someone is officially Old™️ [The host asked about Carell, I said that they used to a popular skit together on The Daily Show. She insists, Colbert is from The Colbert Report. She is right, so am I]; it happened, adorable 🥹

- A streak of green fire shines in the sky and lights a crown; I thought this was about the idol from before, it wasn't 🍀☄️

- The lit crown will sparkle for a year and a half before twinkling brightly. It's glimmer to catch the eye of the whole world; NASA confirms we're gonna see a supernova out by Corona Borealis between now and Sept 2024

- trump wears a diaper and then trump fans wear em too

- The liberal candidate wins re-election, immediately regrets it [my host wanted details. I didn't know and guessed Biden, "he's old as balls and doesn't want the job, but he's also Obama-Adjacent & that's all the dems had for Clinton in 2016"]

- trump fans federally shit the bed [The host asks why the diapers didn't help. I don't know, "must've been before that" I guess]

- "idiot-kings will rise and a Plauge will grip the world for a week, a fortnight, a year, and then half a decade. Maybe more. Its life grows with humanity's arrogance, colosseum entertainment for kings running out of a crowd to impress" [I left my host a Doctor Who themed shirt, captioned "Stay in the Light" and featured an astronaut skeleton]

- Still no TES 6, Princess Zelda gets her own Zelda game, 50 flavors of overwatch

- return of "Silver Dollars" [I'm hoping for new coins]

- cruelty will become cringe, and "cruel humor" will be seen in the same light as "homophobic humor"

- 5 penny stocks go incredibly high, as a joke, and break the illusion of control the financial oligarchs have curated. It only stops being funny a while after the 5th time [My host empathizes with the oligarchs and their need to control others]

- Revolutions in equatorial countries results in more stable democracy than decades of "Stable Democracy" meddling in local politics

- Jimmy Kimmel is replaced with a holographic emoji operated by an algorithm. It improves the show

[cloverthecuddlycactus]

I have gotten myself into some shit. A friend that I JUST MADE AT MY NEW JOB THAT I STARTED IN NOVEMBER is wanting me to help plan an anti-valentines day party for her and the only people we got coming is coworkers bc we're both losers with no friends outside each other and my overly strict ass got this as our schedule

Anti-Valentines day invitation cards (I'll make these on your computer and print them on Card stock) well put on their that everyone who can/wants to attend need only give us one song that they like about being single and LOVING BEING SINGLE and we put the times of each activity on the card

We will make a particular set of garlands at home with glue and construction paper and the photo booth props and whatever else we need that we can't find cheap we'll buy off amazon

We will make anti-valentines day conversation heart cookies the day of along with the other foods SO YOU WILL HAVE TO BE UP EARLY

We will get party favour stuff from DOLLAR TREE FIRST then get what we still need from Amazon

Colour scheme: Pink, Red, Yellow

At the Party Timeline

We will start set up for the tables, chairs, food etc AT 2 so I will ask for time off work that day to help you be on time

• Card Exchange: everyone gets those little cards with candy like in grade school and bring them for everyone else IF THEY WANT TO (we also have some of our own that will go with the party favours) (from 3:20-3:40) so everyone can have about 20 minutes to get there and 20 minutes to settle in and give cards and whatnot

• Cards Against Humanity (from 3:40 to 4:10) best icebreaker I could think of

• Cookie Decorating: make anti-love cookies and eat them to destroy them or they can take them home whatever they want (from 4:20 to 5:00) you and I will bake the cookies BEFORE so they can just decorate them

• Friendship Bracelets (5:00 to 6:00)

• Sip 'n paint: everyone gets a drink of their choice, alcoholic or not (bc we might have potential pregnant folk coming), and we paint how we feel about love or fuck the prompt and just drink and have fun (6:00-7:00)

• Karaoke (7:00-8:00)

• Anti-Valentines day photo booth (anytime during the party)

A 400 DOLLAR LIMIT ON THE PARTY SO CHOOSE WISELY

Can you tell the kind of person I am the kind of person she is. Here's a little insight, we went to the city about an hours drive from here TO ONLY hang out at the mall, we get in the car after the mall and she says "oh HEY LETS GET PIERCINGS" I have explained to her many times that I have to get piercings in a VERY specific way or I will get infections regardless of how well I take care of them bc of family genetics. She DID NOT call ahead of time to ask them if they do it that specific way and guess what I couldn't do, get the fucking piercing. Then she wants to bitch and moan until I tell her that she can pay for my fucking medical bills when I lose part of my fucking ear.

Then she wants to go to a VERY EXPENSIVE RESURAUNT, she pretty much rich so she was going to pay for it, but this resuraunt opens at 4pm and is RESERVATIONS ONLY guess what she didn't make, a fucking reservations and bc of that guess what I had to derail the conversation from bc she wanted to have a big bang of a meal of meat bc she was going pescatarian this year.

So I had to rip out one of my special interest to distract her with so I wouldn't have to hear her whining about her own stupidity

This is peak Autism vs. ADHD I have ADHD too but she is just too much for me, I'm fucking losing it

Don't get me wrong, I love her to death and we are learning how to properly deal with each other bc we are POLAR OPPOSITES but her "let's do whatever the fuck" attitude is driving me crazy

To my other Autistics out there that are like me, don't make friends, ya know what I'm saying

THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU

Everybody is fuckin lying when they say friends are great and you have a stronger bond with them over everybody else

Get closer to me NO

NO YOU WONT

You will instead be stressed out trying to get a bunch of obnoxious five year old esque friends to stop pulling you in different directions

This is my warning to you guys, everybody is lying with that grass is greener with more people on it bullshit

All they do is walk around and kill the grass

It turns brown bc there is no grass know what I'm saying

They trampled it all from chasing fucking Butterflies

I'm so tired

[evelhak]

Thanks for the tag @lilypheria. 💙

Are you named after anyone ?

My first given name is inspired by/a sort of fusion of two grandparent's names and second one is a name that has been coincidentally popular in both of my parent's families.

What sports have you played ?

Mostly I'm a dancer. Ballet for 17 years, folk dance for 8, courses of contemporary, jazz, show etc. here and there. I did horse riding as a kid for a while, and our parents took me and my siblings to weekly track and field competitions for kids where they handed little silver tea spoons as prizes for probably like third of the competitors outside top three so our kitchen was full of them. : D I did kendo in high school for about a year but had to quit because I couldn't yell without losing my voice and the instructor wouldn't let me skip it of course. Just for fun sports that I've done semi regularly at some point are badminton, skiing and downhill skiing. Oh and bowling I guess but that was more like a sporadic social activity. In uni I went to combat classes actively and I've still yet to find anything that gives me such a good rush of like... purely hormonal ecstasy, so I'd really like to get back to that one. (It's different because there's nothing inspiring about the activity itself on an mental/emotional/conceptual level, it's just the way/the rhythm it puts your body moving that causes this insane state for me and I was quite addicted to it). Recently took barre and pilates but the groups got cancelled.

Do you use sarcasm ?

Sometimes. And miss it when other people use it, at least as often.

What is the first thing you notice about people ?

Their eyes, or possibly if there's some very attractive facial feature then that. Or possibly whether they have a kind vibe or not.

What's your eye color ?

Blue-grey.

Scary movies or happy endings ?

Happy endings, usually. But if I'm feeling numb or apathetic somehow, then scary movies, because I need something extreme to push through to me.

Any talent ?

Writing, particularly characters, dialogue and emotionally effective storylines, some say lyrical use of language, too. Visual and abstract pattern recognition. I've always been noted to have some talent for drawing and singing but technically I think I'm pretty average. I've often been called a natural therapist too, I guess that's a combination of high empathy+special interest in human mind+higher than average pattern recognition. Also improving other people's communication. It's pretty ironic for an autistic person, but yes, while I may not often be able to express myself in a way that people would get me, I'm really good at expressing other people's thoughts in a way that the other(s) will understand, spotting why people are talking past each other, and redirecting the conversation. I'm also pretty good at crafting/basically any kind of visual-tactile fooling around creating something. I guess I could say philosophical thinking too.

What are your hobbies ?

Writing fanfiction, ballet, reading, drawing original stuff, fanart and comics. Learning about whatever happens to be my area of interest in humans at the moment, by either reading, watching videos/movies or observing people. Sporadic things include anything creative/artistic from photography to embroidery to low-maintenance nail art to seeing if I can make a hat or a pipe or any prop a ballet might need, using only things that I can find in my room, so that it's a sort of a game. And sometimes I write book reviews and other random stuff, and beta-read/edit for other writers. Oh and sometimes I like to plan (friendly) pranks/practical jokes. Always had a low-key Fae soul in me, haha.

Do you have any pets ?

A cat. (Used to have three. 🥲) I'm used to having a lot of different animals around me, so it feels really quiet at the moment.

How tall are you ?

169 cm.

Dream job ?

Author. Which I succeeded at, soon three years ago! I always wanted to go for traditional publishing, and although I don't live from my book sales and likely never will because it's extremely rare in my small country of five million people, and virtually impossible if you write speculative fiction or for young people, I am happy to be with a small publisher right now. It grants me a lot more creative freedom than a big publisher would. I have published a sapphic NA fantasy novel about dreamworlds and neurodiversity, a realistic YA novel about asexuality and other aspec identities, and I'm currently in the middle of a fantasy series about a mythical music school which deals a lot with mental health, school culture, critical thinking, media literacy, formation of belief systems and a lot more, through a fantastical lens. My goal is to be published in English sooner or later, one way or another, because a lot of my potential audience doesn't speak Finnish.

Tagging @myndless88 and @wannabe-cartoonist-blog. ✨

Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @bruitdevague ❣️

Are you named after anyone ?

My middle name is after my moms dead brother

What sports have you played ?

I did gymnastics for like 10 years and destroyed my body/mental health doing it 💀

I also did volleyball, track, and kumdo in highschool

Do you use sarcasm ?

No I'd never 🙄

What is the first thing you notice about people ?

I have no idea..their vibe maybe?

What’s your eye color ?

Hazel

Scary movies or happy endings ?

Scary movies

Any talent ?

I'm really good at doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result

What are your hobbies ?

My all time favorite hobby is listening to music while pacing around. 11/10 really does the job every time. I also enjoy reading.

Do you have any pets ?

I have (had) my dog peanut but I didn't take him with me when I moved out. He lives with my parents 😫

How tall are you ?

5'3 on a good day

Dream job ?

I do not dream of labor

Literally one (1) minor inconvenience from quitting my current job

Tagging:

@yormuthur @crypticpuffin @punk-pandame @shisuis-left-nipple @alphadogandomega @dykekakashi and anyone else who wants to do this <3

[rjshepherd]

Hi! What do u think the lords' sexualities are? 👀

hI DONT MIND ME IMA GO FERAL FOR A MOMENT. ok so i KNOW i mentioned in my big ass head canon posts for donna and karl that i dont hold a particular sexuality for them because that means i can write them as freely as possible but lik i kinda do. i know im sorry, sometimes you cant help such things. people give you VIBES and these guys are NO different so here are some of my thoughts.

5 Lords Sexualities headcanons

Miranda - straight...ish.

So i don't really write for miranda, nor do i intend to . as such i feel like she's the ONLY lord i can honestly say i don't hold a sexuality hc for. Obviously at one point in her existence she was attracted to men, or at least enough to have a child with one. But that was a long time ago and sexuality can be a fluid thing that changes or adapts over time. I would say she's mostly straight but given her other issues i genuinely don't see her caring too much about the gender of her partner. If she likes you, she'll let you know, if she doesn't like you, she'll use you as experiment fodder. easy as. Mother "my sexuality is science" Miranda lmao.

Alcina- Lesbian

I mean i think as a collective we've all decided she's a lesbian, which is fine, i can see that and i can get behind that. I think maybe when she was younger and outside the village she was kind of a Bambi lesbian but now she's older and more confident in herself, she's hella proud of her interest in women. Castle dimitrescu is filled with female centric art, a lot of it by queer artists. Her library is filled with Sappho's collected works , Charlotte bronte and Alison Bechdel comics for her girls. I don't think she has any sexual interest in men but i can still see her dominating them or maybe doing something with them before eating them like a black widow spider. Its not about the sex but more about the power.

Donna- asexual- bi/pan demiromantic

So i said that donna has big Ace vibes and i stand by that. however i think she might be Bi/Pan romantic or Demi-Bi/Pan romantic. i usually dislike the overt sexualiszation of child like characters but i also dislike the overt desexualisation of characters with autistic or neurodivergent traits, like theyre too uwu innocent to have such thoughts. I canon donna as ace bc she reminds me of me, not just because of who she is as a character. She can fuck if she wants, she'd just usually prefer not to. She seems like the kind of open sort who literally wouldnt care about your gender one way or the other, as long as you loved her bc thats what she really wants.

Salvatore- Gay

i have no idea why this was the first thought that entered my head when i asked myself "who does sal like?" i guess as a human i have this mental image of him being a sophisticated old queen with a new york accent, giving out sage advice to all the young lgbtqia+ folks in the village. Unfortunately, hes not a sophisticated fellow but a scraggly gross fishman with the mind of a neglected child. Because of that i have a hard time imagining him in sexual situations. again, maybe when he was human, maybe in his teenage years before miranda mutated him, he liked men and was shunned as a result. maybe that made him an easy target for miranda ? this is all speculation so feel free to ( politely) disagree with me on all of this.

Karl - Bi/pan demisexual/demiromantic

Karl has big "why is everyone so hot" vibes to go with donnas "global warming" vibes. Karl is the only one i could look at and go "you know this man would have squishes over crushes". i know in the fandom we have this thing about making him really sexual, wanting to fuck and fuck hard at every given opportunity but my personal headcanon is that he really doesnt care that much about sex. If you were his partner he'd do what you wanted to make you happy; he's a sex favorable ace and can have a libido to match yours. but he just doesnt feel that much sexual attraction to you, regardless of how much he loves you in other ways. He's a pretty shameless flirt with anyone he finds aesthetically pleasing but the moment someone reciprocates or starts flirting with him he just forgets how to talk. Remarks about his attractiveness fly over his head and he really doesnt get alicna's obsession with having titty art all over the place. hes one to talk: not a single soldat is wearing a shirt

thank you for letting me ramble nonnie!

[or8ee]

tbh tho... as someone who's ace, enby, kinda fat, and possibly autistic (like I'm 99% sure I am lmao just never officially diagnosed), the infantilizing sucks SO much. Like, I still want relationships and I'm not some "pure baby who hates sexy talk uwu".

Like, "autistic people can have difficulty understanding flirting, especially if it's hidden behind metaphors/double-meanings" (which is something I struggle with for sure), but then that gets mutated into "autistic people clearly have no interest in relationships or are too awkward about sex stuff so let's make them asexual so its #Woke instead of us outright saying that autistic folk are weird and unfuckable". (Repeat process for fat with "fat people are undesirable but if I make them asexual then it's not my fault that they don't wanna have sex with me!", and enby with, idk, something mean about queer people and how we're special snowflakes or whatever) So like, I'm asexual and proud of it, but it has nothing to do with me being overweight, nonbinary, and/or probably autistic!! So I headcanon characters as ace a lot cuz Serotonin(tm) but I hate it when I see it slapped haphazardly onto a person/character and then they're infantilized and not taken seriously... Like, fat/enby/autistic people are allowed to want relationships and desire people and want to have sex. Hell, asexuals can want sex too, its just about not having the attraction.

I realize this is a long ask LKHKLSH you dont have to answer it publicly I just saw what you said and I just kinda wanted to rant/get this feeling off my chest, y'know? I guess I just wanted to validate what you're saying and agree with you and I guess also say that you're not alone in feeling like it sucks.

This is pretty much what I wanted to say, thank you!! I feel like dating as an autistic person can also be dangerous too it’s so easy for us to be taken advantage of by someone who can use our trouble to understand communication against us like so much of this stuff isn’t talked about because people don’t expect autistic people to get into relationships and as for fat and enby people like it’s just got to be exhausting owning your body and your sexuality then seeing people like you being put into a head canon bc someone doesn’t find characters like you personally attractive

I understand the way ace ppl feel tho but sometimes things just aren’t so black and white anyone can be ace but if your ace head canons are only of autistic fat and enby people I think you might need to think why

[actuallyschizoid]

Hello! I am not diagnosed with SPD, however I do identify my personality traits with many of the ones of SPD, especially covert SPD. I am aware that personality disorders are extremes of normal personality traits and what not. Do you have any stories about how where diagnosed and how you found out? I am very interested in this though I don't think I am 100p SPD I think it is interesting to see how ones personality pings out so to say. This ask might be a bit vague so answer as you want.

[Schizoid Sanctuary]

I’ve posted something about my own diagnoses before, pretty sure it’s somewhere in diagnosis tag or something related. But in short: at some point I intentionally googled local psycho-pros who at least knows what schizoid is. 

Found this old man who even had a bunch of articles written about us, as well as lots of info about personality disorders in general. He had all the required education and licenses, etc and seemed to be a rather well know. 

Side effect was that he was goddamn expensive. But I knew I only needed to see him once to confirm what I already was pretty sure at and just needed an external professional point of view to exclude I was biased. 

Yeah, that wasn’t much likely to begin with, but hey, I was still young at the time, 22 or so I think (30 atm). And guess what? When I asked him whether it’s likely I have schizoid PD, he said that’s as obvious as it gets to him by the time our meeting was over, but at first glance he suspected I was plain and simple schizophrenic. 

I.e. to him it was never the question of whether I’m on schizo-spectrum or not. It was only how far down I am. So I could’ve saved those money with about same result, but tbh I’ve little regrets about it. At least it saved me some doubts.

Now, I’ve asked folks on discord to describe their experience with getting diagnosed, and here’s more stories:

Sam: My therapist just kind of told me during our last session. I asked what she thought my diagnoses were and she was like ‘well I don’t like to drop bombs at the end of working with someone but I think you have schizoid personality disorder’

puracatbum: My psych had to google spd so I can’t help with this question. Yeah well my psych was free because I’m lucky to live in a country where that’s possible. Though since she’s free she mostly works with depression and anxiety with kids. I want to pay for a different one but.. eh not sure if there’s a point at this stage in my life

.: so this was about, maybe 2 years ago now. i met a girl freshman year of highschool and we kinda talked on and off all throughout highschool. i had crushes on her on and off. she dated, lots of guys. and after every one of them she would come crying to me. so i was total friend zoned. and during the summer before college we finally hooked up after 4 years of trying. 

she has bpd, so she was my complete opposite emotionally. but we worked rather perfectly. we spent the entire summer together. if i wasnt at work, i was with her. we were together constantly. throughout all the stupid fucking shit she wanted to do. i was pretty much living my life through her. kind of like a parasite.but when college came, we couldnt ever see eachother anymore. 

she has a history of cheating. with every boyfriend she ever had, she cheated. so my paranoia sky rocketed. i thought she was fucking guys all the time. because that was just her nature. it drove me mad. literally mad. i was angry 24/7. just uncontrollable anger. it was getting out of hand, and i knew i was going to explode. so i started a journal, but that didnt really help. 

so i decided to seek a school councillor, because it was free. and i didnt have to go anywhere. it kind of helped. i wasnt angry 24/7 but i still had my underlying impluses, and i still had my bad explosions at times.eventually we broke up. and she stopped talking to me, and i just exploded. at the time i saw her as my property. 

she was mine. and i hate losing my property. i couldnt stand losing something i had worked so hard to achieve. and i expressed this very morbidily and kafkaesk in my journal. but at the same time i was afraid of what i would become. i didnt want to go down that path, sooo i showed the woman my journal. 

and needless to say, that didnt go well. lol not well at all.she flipped shit, called some agency. they sent someone down to interview me, i showed them my book. and i was given a choice. i could drop out, seek treatment on my own, and everything would be forgotten. or i could go with the agency, go through a deep pysch eval, but continue school. 

so obviously i said fuck that, and dropped out. saw a bunch of different people around here. until i finally saw the last guy i had. and after awhile my anger vanished, and i went back to the void i was. i was empty before we broke up, and after a few months i was empty again. and thus i got diagnosed schizoid pd, with antisocial tendencies.

What I’d like to add to all of this is that schizoid PD is one of the hardest disorders to get accurate official diagnoses for. Because the thing is… it’s not often diagnosed. A lot of solid professionals have very little understanding about how to diagnose it. 

That might be because schizoids aren’t likely to seek help to begin with and they rarely have enough practice working with us. Also even if they get to see a schizoid, it’s often hard to tell they are because, well… y’know, most being covert and aren’t that talkative about their inner problems. Often schizoids get misdiagnosed as schizophrenic, autistic, anxiety, depression, bipolar, avoidant, antisocial, etc etc etc… 

On another hand, schizoids have this tendency to be very aware of what they are. Much more so than most people in general. Schizoid often spend way too much time inside their head, pondering over why they are this way, self-reflecting, analyzing themselves. If they know how to google, it’s very likely eventually they’ll stumble over schizoid pd. 

They might start with slightly related things that are easy to mistake. Like from the list above or e.g. MBTI-like stuff, finding out that they’re INTP/J (most commonly), or that they’re alexythymic and so on. But eventually if they keep searching, they might get self-diagnosed as schizoid with accuracy no available psychiatrist would ever provide. 

[schizoid discord]

[drjdorr]

Episode 7 time

So the kelpie bit was a bit sad. Senshi truly trusted it.

And this is where we hear that hair is important for magic. I had gotten spoilers about clean hair being important from a post analyzing a different future spoiler. Didn't realize dirty hair could block magic. Or is it specifically support magic? In a fight against a mage could you protect yourself by just having realy dirty hair? Hmm.

Also it was sweet how Senshi agreed to using the soap. And it makes sense, the soap was made through effort, which he respects and by extention, since Marcil put in the effort for the soap, he was more accepting of the "easy way" of the water walking spell.

Also yeah! Marcel is coming around on the dungeon food... if only it wasn't the one where Liaos used those eggs(he knows enough about monster to have definitely known that). Not cool my guy.

Also, probably should be careful about food found in standing water near what are quite possibly corpses. They are almost certainly fresh corpses so it's probably fine but still, stop neglecting contamination risks. The fact That kind of actions haven't led to getting sick is a miracle.

I'm going to side with Marcel on the knife fish argument, they were trying to kill you, and they fast and small enough that AOE was your best bet. Now if Senshi had an alternative to stopping them maybe it would be a different matter, but all he had was "don't kill them all" which isn't an actual solution.

Now the kraken, what can I say, it's a giant squid. It's a conceptually simple monster. You can play around with it to a degree but there is no real issue with playing it straight, it's a classic for a reason.

Also Senshi stopping mid fight to go "oh, interesting" about the kraken, not mid fight thought, he stopped fighting to have the thought, in the middle of an active fight. Again how does Liaos get all the autism cred but my guy Senshi doesn't? Also adding from this episode, the kelpie operated under specific rules and he was unable to conceptualize why it would violate those rules. And the water walk thing, he fought and struggled when it was initially cast on him, but the moment his rules of "effort" was used because of the soap, suddenly it was ok despite nothing else actually happening for him. Also the uh... beard thing of it being full of monster blood and grease... us autistic people do sometimes have issues with hygiene, especially when it doesn't seem to matter(you know like hypothetically living alone in a dungeon where any interactions with surface folk is minimal).

Also the fact water walk expelled the kraken out of the water and had slam into the water on impact has some interesting implications. Like if you have the spell active you Can't go under water(when Liaos dove under to save Senshi the spell hadn't been cast on I if I recall correctly) alternatively going below the water is a conscious choice but defaults to no and the kraken was slain before it could go back down.

Also woo! Marcel is getting win... assists. Oh wait she did win with the knife fish even if she was(unfairly) berated for it. Woo! Wins!

Also kalamari is great and you are telling me Liaos, Mr. Wanted to eat living armor before they realized it was an actual creature, hasn't had any before? Also like that Marcel's speech on the subject mirrors Senshi's about the fish.

And finally, someone misprepping(or i guess not prepping) got someone ill with Liaos getting a parasite from raw ... parasite. Fun fact parasites infecting other parasites does sometimes happen irl. Neat huh

I think that is all my thoughts on the episode onto episode 8 and my second plate of pizza

Don't worry about spoilers I don't mention anything spoilery

I'm bad with names so bear with me but everyone is always going on about how tall blond guy in dungeon meshi is autistic about monsters. But my man shensi(? Dwarf guy) immediately went into info dumping the moment he went on screen! Yet I've heard nothing about him beyond that he cooks.

And I half expected tall blondy's interest in eating monsters to be fan exaggeration, but nope, not exaggeration apparently he's actually like that.

Also falin, blondy's sister, and the healer who the meme mentions dying in episode one are all the same person! (Admittedly they do look the exact same in hindsight [though I didn't actually know who blondy's sister was let alone which person was her to know what she looked like]. Though I maybe should examine my biases as I thought she was a guy in the meme)

Now I better go watch the second half of episode one

[annoyed-galaxy]

Finally.

It is done. My collection is complete. It took me years, but I did it. After caving and buying the digital copy, I finally found a physical copy and to replace my mysteriously missing disc. So now I have that. Then I also got the fourth one. And a book.

That's right ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary folks: My Fable collection is complete.

Fable 1 is not pictured here because I have that on Steam and thankfully Steam probably won't be going anywhere for a while. However, I don't trust having a digital copy of Fable 3 on such an old ass console so I got the physical once again.

And yes. That is Fable: The Journey. I don't think many people in the fandom have actually played Journey. I've only played it once but let me tell you, it was fucking awesome. I at least remember the feeling of awesomeness when I played it. It also gives some interesting looks at Theresa's character. I will probably do a post about it when I eventually play through it again (because yes I also bought a kinect for that game specifically). As for Fable 2, I had gotten that a long time ago when I was originally looking for a replacement Fable 3 disc...after I had my crazy dream. Which, if y'all don't know about the story of my crazy dream, I'll share it at the end of the post.

So this is everything I got at the store today (I actually took the disc out of the Fable 3 case that I got from the store and put into my case because I'm petty as shit like that; I seriously, still to this day, don't know where my fucking copy went but I still had the case). And yes. That is indeed a Fable 3 guidebook.

Did anyone even freaking know there was a guidebook made for Fable 3??? I mean, we have the internet so literally a guidebook is pointless and isn't needed because we can look up all the walkthroughs on IGN or something, BUT HEY! The guidebook doesn't fucking have ads. Also, it has some flavor text that I may share whenever I decide to read through it.

But anyways, that's my haul of the day and this literally makes me so happy. I'm starting to think I might be a liiiiitle autistic about Fable, but it is deeply rooted into my childhood so...Fair.

If I haven't shared my prophetic dream about Fable with you guys before or you don't remember it and are interested, it's below the cut.

So, it was July 2020. I woke up one morning from a dream. The dream was specifically from a moment in Fable 3 where you have your dog find a digspot and you dig it up. That's it. That was the dream. But it was a dream that connected me to a core part of my childhood and I so badly wanted to replay Fable 3 from that dream alone. Just because, like I said, it's a deep part of my childhood.

I knew had the case for Fable 3, but as I had already searched for the game years before after mysteriously losing the disc, I figured it wasn't going to be in the case. And as guessed, my case was empty. Sad days.

So I begged my father to take me to GameStop to see if any had another copy of Fable 3. My dad obliged because I had my own money and this was something I really wanted. We went to four separate GameStops. Not a fucking single one had Fable 3. HOWEVER! One did have Fable 2. I had not played Fable 2 so I decided, I should probably get this anyways if I'm going to replay Fable 3 (so fucking glad I did).

We went home with Fable 2 in hand a disappointed Lily in the passenger seat. I, however, said fuck it. I caved and decided to buy the digital copy of Fable 3 on Xbox 360 (IT WAS 25 GOD DAMN DOLLARS STILL). Once finally purchasing the game, I sat down and played it. Took my time through it unlike my first playthrough. Completed it as you do. Bam boom. This whole adventure and playthrough happened over the course of abooout a week. Enter Fable 2. I had started playing it, first time ever playing this game by the way, when the news hit.

Fable was coming back.

I kid you not. A little over a week or so after having this very specific dream about the dog and the digspot and going on a manhunt for Fable 3 and deciding to get Fable 2 did the new reboot get announced.

Prophetic. Dream.

I mean how else can you even describe that?? It was some weird and funky shit.

Anyways, point is: I fucking love Fable and am so happy to have the full series and will finally attempt to play through all of it once again.

Yall ain't ready for what I got to show

[grison-in-space]

This is especially true if you're talking about anything touching on a field of a special interest, because the zones of expertise you develop when you're self taught often have.... idiosyncratic foundations, but very very high spires, depending on how your interest focuses and settles and what resources you have to feed it with knowledge.

So if you've spent any time around other autistics (or academics, or autodidacts, all three categories with substantial overlap) you get used to checking to probe at knowledge that should be foundational, which is necessary to build the point you want to make, just to check that the structure of what you know can support the concept I'm trying to convey easily. Internet communication makes that even harder because I'm always aware that the person I'm talking to may not be the only person trying to follow along with any given conversation.

I'm always asking "does that make sense?" or "are you familiar with X?" and even, if I want to reference a topic that I know the person I'm directly talking to almost certainly knows, "I'm pretty sure you know this, but--". It's reflexive, and while it does come off as very annoying to some folks and I try to mitigate that as much as possible...

...it's also why I'm a really, really good teacher and tutor. Because you learn best when you are following along with enough support that you don't get overwhelmed and frustrated, but not so much support that you are bored and tuning out. That habit of watching very closely to see what the emotional state of my students is, and frequently checking: do you need more time with this concept? how are you feeling? does this make sense? are you familiar with that? All that lets me follow along closely with my students to see where they need to be supported a little more or extended a little more, and it helps me match the pace of communication to the person I'm communicating with.

I guess I'm always just vaguely annoyed when people act like not knowing something is inherently insulting. I don't know a lot of stuff. I'm always learning from people around me, too. I want to learn what all kinds of people have to say, that's what makes communication enjoyable rather than sitting on my hoard of knowledge like a dragon flicking through all the things I've learned. I'm not trying to be insulting when I check to see if someone knows a thing, and if you don't know that thing I won't think less of you. I'll just tailor what I'm saying to give you a sketch of that thing to hold onto while I'm drawing the thing I really want to convey.

If an autistic person overexplains something to you they probably don't think you're dumb they just think THEY would appreciate those details if they were the ones being explained to