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lilydalexf · 4 years ago

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rachel Nobel / Rae Lynn

Rachel Nobel, aka Rae Lynn, has 2 fics at Gossamer, but she’s written many more X-Files stories than that. You can also find fics by her at AO3 and various other archives. She’s one of the rare, special authors who’s posted numerous fic during the show’s original run and again in recent years. Big thanks to Rachel for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? Absolutely. I joined a Facebook group for fanfic writers where someone recognized my name and asked about some of my stories that have disappeared from the Internet, and I almost fell off my chair. On the other hand, I go back and read original-run fanfic all the time - the Wayback Machine is my best friend for all the late great fanfic archives. Like fine wines, they get better with age! What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? I was fairly young during the peak of the fandom - I was only 12 when I started watching the show and discovered the fandom online. A few years ago, right around the time we learned the revival was coming, I wrote an essay I called "How 'The X-Files' defined my adolescence," in which I wrote: "If you think about it, 'The X-Files' is a lot like adolescence: You start out thinking it's going to be a little hokey, NBD, and then you end up in its thrall, captivated and occasionally hugely let down. A lot of people behave strangely, and no one gets out unscathed. Mulder, in his own weird way, is the perfect mirror for an adolescent: He doesn't fit in; his life careens between being utterly consequential to the fate of the known universe and being completely pointless; he's socially awkward and can't quite nail it down with the girl of his dreams."

So for me, the fandom is inextricably bound up with adolescence, that feeling of vacillating between desperate loneliness and being on the verge of something enormously significant. Take romance: I was a bit of a late bloomer, and when all my friends were exploring their first relationships I was watching Mulder and Scully navigate this beautiful, complicated, soulful relationship without ever even kissing. That was deeply affecting for me as a teen.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? I started out on mailing lists - there was an EMXC mailing list and one that I think was called X-Angst. [Lilydale note: There was a mailing list called XAngst Anonymous.] This was back at the dawn of the Internet when I only had 10 hours of AOL access a month, and I remember using what AOL called a "FlashSession" to log on, download all the fanfic from the mailing list and log off to read it. I vividly remember the excitement of watching all that new fanfic flood my inbox! Later on I was on atxc. During the long summer between "Gethsemane" and "Redux," it felt like fanfic was at its peak. There was a group of about a dozen women who got together (virtually) to discuss a work in progress by Lydia Bower called "Primal Sympathy." We called ourselves the "Primal Screamers," and we had our own website with fanfic recommendations and other discussions (it cracked me up to locate us as an entry on Fanlore.org). I was still in high school at the time and I was the youngest member; I felt like I had been accepted into a cool underground club. I worshipped these women, who were fanfic writers themselves. They taught me everything I knew about how to be a decent, respectful, enthusiastic consumer and writer of fanfic and fandom. [Lilydale note: I’ve talked enthusiastically about the Primal Screamers here before, including their fanfic primer.] What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? In the '90s, I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone I read fanfic, let alone that I was writing it. Now, I look back on it and realize how talented and smart and passionate we all were. It's something to be proud of. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? The first episode I ever saw was "Shadows," which was on in reruns between the second and third seasons. I don't think "Shadows" is an episode that anyone today would consider thematically significant, but something about seeing those office supplies float spookily through the air - it wasn't like anything I had seen on television, and I wanted in. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic? I've always been a person who, when I am interested in something, seeks to learn more about it. So I guess I got online as a 12-year-old with this new interest and discovered fanfic. It was thrilling to find out that so many talented people were taking characters I loved and bringing them to life for me. When the screen faded to black each week and I wondered, "That's it? What next?", fanfic was always there to fill in the blanks and take Mulder and Scully to the next level. As a teenager, I was self-indulgent enough to think I had something to contribute, too. Most of what I wrote in the '90s would today make me cringe. I remember literally paging through the dictionary in search of erudite words I thought Mulder and Scully would say! But occasionally I'll feel brave enough to read an old story and I feel encouraged to see a spark: a turn of phrase or a fragment of dialogue that I still feel proud of. I write professionally now, but I've never written fiction that isn't X-Files fiction, so it's something that has really allowed me to hone my creative juices in a different way. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Sometimes I feel like the Statler and Waldorf of the fandom, like I'm sitting up in the balcony grousing "Back in my day...!" Because the fandom is remarkably robust, and I've gotten involved with it to an extent on Twitter and AO3, and now all these young whippersnappers idolize Mulder and Scully just as much if not more as I ever did! Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? Not really, no. I've of course consumed a lot of media since The X-Files that I wanted to discuss with others - I'm a huge "Harry Potter" nerd, and I was outraged when Netflix canceled "The OA" - but strangely I've never had the urge to read or write fanfic about anything other than "The X-Files." Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Every Thursday night! I watch a chosen episode with a group of fans on Twitter and tweet about it - #tbtXFiles. That's great fun. There are episodes I've seen dozens of times over the years and episodes I think I only ever watched once, and it's always enlightening to watch them again with a certain critical eye. When I was a fan during the original run, I really idolized Mulder; I loved episodes where we saw him in all his cracked genius glory. Scully was a trailblazer of a character, of course, but I think the fandom has evolved over the years to give Scully her due. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I was fairly stunned when the revival came around and I realized that people were still writing X-Files fic, and that a lot of it was so good. So yes, I do read fic on Archive of Our Own. But my heart is always with the early days of fanfic. In the revival when Mulder says "I've always wondered how this was going to end" - that felt to me almost like a love letter to fanfic authors who had been trying to answer that question for 25 years. Surprisingly, I've never had the urge to read fic in another fandom. Every time I try, it just feels like I'm cheating on Mulder and Scully. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors? My favorite author back in the day was Kipler. Her stories were just like real episodes of the show I could vividly imagine in my mind. I adore syntax6, particularly "20" and "The Birthday Stories," because of the way she perfectly and poignantly captures vignettes that span the entire series. Another favorite is Dawn and her "Blood Ties" series - I started out as a "NoRomo," and Dawn was one of the authors who made me believe Mulder and Scully could have a romantic relationship that really worked. And I always had a soft spot for Profiler!Mulder stories, so to this day I mourn the unfinished state of the great Kronos fic "Ascent to Hell." One fic I always come back to that captures profiling Mulder really well is "Domination of Lies," by cslatton. And then there are stories that I consider classics: "Corpse" by Livengoo, "Oklahoma" by Amperage and Livengoo, the "Revelations" and "All Hallow's Eve" series by Windsinger. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise? I have a soft spot for a story I wrote called "Human Credential." I was attempting, a quarter-century after the first season of the show, to set a story in the very early days of the partnership (which these days is one of my favorite kinds of fanfic to read), and I felt like I nailed it. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? I have been doing both of these, as a matter of fact! Or in my case, they are oldies that made it online but vanished when Geocities went belly-up, for example, that I sometimes go back to and reshape. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work? As the swallows return to Capistrano, I seem to always return to writing fic at periods of transition in my life. The first time I "retired" from fanfic, I wasn't even in college yet! If one can be nostalgic at 21 years old for something one gave up at 17, I was nostalgic for fanfic, and I picked it back up again in grad school. Then I became a teacher and a wife and a mom and years passed, and the revival seduced me back into it again. But the vast majority of fanfic I've written is firmly planted in the first seven seasons of the show - poor Mulder and Scully never seem to get to grow up in my stories. What's the story behind your pen name? I wrote under a lot of pen names over the years! When I first started writing fanfic, no one knew anything about Internet safety and it didn't occur to me that it wasn't wise to use my real name. There was a period when I would have been mortified if anyone discovered my stories under my real name - now, at least I can write it off as a youthful indulgence! When I finally grew into a more mature writer, I started using the name Rae Lynn, which is almost-but-not-quite my real first and middle names. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? As far as I know, unless my friends and acquaintances have done some sleuthing, only my husband knows I still write fanfic. And he's never read it, though he's kind enough to give me a glazed-eyes indulgent smile if I ever talk about it. Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? I am xraelynn on AO3! I have about a dozen stories there - some of them I wrote 15 years ago and some of them are brand spanking new. Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Fanfic is a true labor of love. Fanfic authors don't write fanfic for money or fame; they do it because they love it. Sites like AO3 and Tumblr have made it so much easier to show your appreciation to writers (::gruff reminiscing voice:: back in my day, you had to send them an email, and now you can just click the "kudos" button!). I can only speak for myself, but I really thrive on that feedback - otherwise I'm just Mulder in his cramped hovel of a home office waiting for Scully to nag me to shave my beard. Every so often I think about the fact that there is so much high-quality writing about these characters I've loved for decades just available on the Internet for free and it feels like a true gift.

(Posted by Lilydale on May 4, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #rachel nobel #rae lynn

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rarijackistheshit · 2 years ago

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A good selection. Especially Monochromatics works are among the best novels ever written. However, as every faithful brony would react, there are also THESE:

The fanfic that created it’s own fandom. It’s exactly what you think it is, although written quite early so more or less everything past season 2 doesn’t exist. Also long as a string but very good.

This one is what makes fanfiction great. Take a single Episode and turn the content into an epic tale of love and self-discovery. Written back in 2012 and a classic worthy of it’s name.

Before EqG was a thing, people still wrote stories about humanized ponies and this is one of the best and most epic ones imho. It's also Rarijack, my favourite ship.

I won’t overstay my welcome, I will recommend you 5 stories before I gently leave. And I can’t leave without introducing you to the world of the moth.

A bit of a tragic tail, equally praised for his brilliant comedy and dramatic writing as ridiculed for his notorious temperament (which had it’s reasons). But when it came to writing comedy, noone could beat him. This is just an introduction. You like this one? There’s moooooore...

Aaaand finally...

Estee sometimes claims to be the most hated writer on Fimfiction. Well, they’re definitely the most unique one. They have the most consequential worldbuilding and a tone that differs quite a lot from the show, yet it’s deeply rooted in the shows lore so you can’t really separate them. This is mature fiction in the most un-smutty way and it may also contain the most unpleasant OC ever.

Howdy! I got into FiM in high-school and I wanted to say I love your silly little comics! Are you on FiMfiction by any chance, and if so, any fanfic recommendations?

Sincerely, Zam

I'm not actually sure! I would love some FimFiction reccs if anyone has some, because I'd really like to engage with that side of the fandom more :D

also thank you!!!

#mlp friendship is magic #reading fanfiction #fanfic recommendation

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synesindri · 4 years ago

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Do you have any good Sam and Cas Fanfic recommendations?

oh hello anon, and thank you for your inquiry! i’m kind of embarrassingly unfamiliar with the sam&cas fic terrain, but i can rec a few stories that i enjoyed, from what i have read!

All Hail the Boy King (T, 3312, tagged Cas & Sam) is a short post-s3 au series that diverges from canon in how dean gets out of hell and why castiel ends up getting to know the winchesters. the atmosphere of this is wonderfully bleak and gothic...cas’s perspective especially i really like here, as he reads as very inhuman in his comparison of sam and dean in reality to what he expected of them

Flutter ‘Round His Eyes (T, 1432 words, tagged Cas/Sam) is a oneshot by the same author as All Hail the Boy King. bit softer, featuring sam’s s5 troubled sleep and castiel being strange and fond and protective

God’s Creation (T, 1784 words, tagged Cas/Sam) is a tour of cas’s views on sam s4-s7(ish? canon plot gets hazy for me after s5 eep), with a focus on sam’s mistakes and cas’s increasing appreciation for moral ambiguity. most of the fic i read is pretty dark so my tastes might be skewed, but i think this is a very sweet fic <3

Supplication (M for blood and sexual content, 3024 words, Cas/Sam) — s5e14 demon blood detox & the purifying effects of grace. cool vibes here, a little professional, a little growing fondness, a little reverent, a little uncertain, a little sexy...plus i’m a slut for blood drinking, what can i say ✌️

The Need of Endurance (M for violence and apocalyptic unpleasantness, 2896 words, Cas & Sam) — dark (no major character death or anything though), solitary boyking & bloodfreak sam, protective and helpful but distant cas

Consequentiality (T, 327 words, Cas & Sam) — charming short angsty little thing, dean-said-yes au, s5-style lucifer also featured

again, i really haven’t read too much in this corner of fandom, but i hope there’s something here you might like, anon!

#also if anybody has any recs please hmu!!! i'm very interested i just haven't done much proactive searching #i should do more mayhaps #spn #replies #anonymous #sastiel #samcastiel #recs #spn rewatch #fic recs

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paradise-of-guilty-pleasures · 5 years ago

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Shattered Reflections {8}

[Helsa RP- Fanfic]

Fandom: Frozen

Genre: Post-Frozen/ Canon Divergence

- Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

Pairing(s): Hans/Elsa, Kristoff/Anna

Previous Chapter: 7. Consequential Confidante

A/N:

A bit of a lighthearted chapter, the calm before the storm if you may. There’s a chapter I can’t wait to post, but I’m saving it for Valentine’s ~♥

8. The Queen’s Fool

Elsa victoriously smiled to herself, at achieving a slightly longer stay.

“Whatever you wish to do, they all sound like entertaining options, a game sounds fun, I’m quite curious to see if you can make them laugh, they are rather serious.” she giggled. “I wonder how loud you have to be for them to hear?”

“Well I imagine we’ll find out!” Hans remarked lightly. “This is the part where I make a bleeding fool of myself to make a Queen laugh. What better use for prisoners, ey?” He suggested lightly, and took the chair Elsa had been sitting in, to lean it close to the doors, but out of their swinging path, in case they should suddenly open. He sat in it and leaned back, keeping an eye on the doors as he rocked back on the back legs of the chair in most ungentlemanly fashion.

“-But you know, your Majesty-!” He began, as if they were mid conversation, raising his voice somewhat and speaking more toward the doors, “The most involved job I had in the Navy was in dealing with the Pie shop in Tortuga. I had to deal with all the pie-rates.” He suggested, with a grimace at the awful wordplay.

“Feel free to boo that one, it was awful. Ah, but I could tell you the sad tale of the chicken farm left out of most versions of Macbeth. Too bad, it involved a Murder Most Fowl.” He couldn’t help but be a bit amused by that one. He was a sucker for Shakespeare jokes.

“I’m quite fond of dancing, you know. Practiced with all the maids at home. One asked me, ‘Doesn’t it make you dizzy, to waltz so often?’, so I simply told her ‘One must get used to that, you know, I’m afraid that’s the way of the whirled’.”

He spoke loudly to try and make sure the guards could hear, and always with a glance toward the door, trying to listen for any stifled snickers, grinning a little by the end. He was clearly racking his brain for the best dumb jokes, to try and get a giggle out of the Guards– and out of Elsa.

Elsa’s smile grew wider and wider, so wide that it hurt her cheeks.

Like her smile, Elsa’s laughter grew with each joke from a soft giggle to a hearty laugh.

She wasn’t sure if she actually laughing at the jokes themselves or more of the overdramatic antics of his delivery.

Seeing Hans trying so hard to cheer her up with his jokes warmed her heart, it was hard for her not to smile for that alone.

As Hans finished his last joke:

“What’s going on in there?” wondered a voice, not belonging to the guards, in the hall.

The doorknob began turning.

“Hey!”

“Wait!”

The door already opening. The way the door opened obscured the view of who was entering from Elsa, yet Hans could see leaning up close to the door.

A short walking snowman entered the room before the guards could stop him.

Hans was perplexed, at first. One could almost see in real-time how his brain processed.

Human shape?

Too small.

What’s that?

NOT HUMAN

WHAT.

All that to say, Hans went from casually leaning back in his chair, to standing on it, looking down from a few feet up, agile as a cat in less time than it took to say his name. He even balanced it on two legs again, somehow, and didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the difficulty of his balancing act.

“What in God’s holy name–?!” He managed, looking for all the world like a startled cat– and yet still managing to keep the chair’s balance as he stood on it.

Once he determined it not to be a threat, he stepped it back down to four legs, but he was clearly no less tense about the strange creature.

“Good god, she had a snow baby.” He remarked with an overdramatic gesture to the snowman, just to make Elsa laugh again. As if his looking like a startled cat and standing on a chair wasn’t funny enough. “I have to know, is this one in line for the crown?” Hans wasn’t often scared for his life, so if he sensed a threat in Olaf, he would probably still have quips. It was just the surprise that set him to standing on the chair.

The door actually opening startled Elsa. Especially, when she realized who’d entered. Her eyes grew wide and her skipped a beat. She got on her feet as quickly as Hans had jumped on the chair.

“Oh no!” Elsa uttered. Quickly making her way to the door, fearing that if he was here, her sister might be close by as well.

“Hi. I’m Olaf!” greeted the childlike snowman, waving his stick hand at Hans.

Hans lacked whatever fear Elsa had, and instead stepped down from his chair and crouched down to Olaf’s height, quite curious.

“Hello Olaf, I’m Hans.” He offered a hand for a handshake, as much curiosity as politeness. He looked like he was greeting a child, but for the clear perplexity about his person.

“Have you heard of me yet? I imagine you probably have.” He was curious to see how the little snowman’s attitude would change when he knew what monster he was greeting.

'Ah! What was he thinking?’ Elsa internally screamed. How was Hans revealing himself so nonchalantly? If he told Olaf, the little snowman was bound to tell Anna, and she couldn’t let that happen.

“Hans?” Olaf pondered, as he shook Hans hand. “Like that evil Prince that locked up Anna leaving her to die and tried to kill Elsa?”

Elsa let out a slight cough as if clearing her throat, wordlessly warning Hans to refrain himself from disclosing more information to the young curious snowman.

“O-olaf! What are you doing here?” Elsa interposed, as she shot the guards outside an icy glare letting them know the question had really been directed at them.

“We’re sorry, your Majesty,” both man sheepishly apologized. Elsa was truly disappointed, they had one job and they’d easily been trumped by a childish snowman. Imagine if the intruder had been Anna instead of Olaf. Hans had been right her guard was in serious need of retraining.

Elsa quickly scanned the hall with her eyes as she closed the door behind her. Luckily, it looked like the hall was clear.

“Oh, Elsa! You’re here too?” Olaf bubbly replied. “Isn’t it funny? This comical man shares the same name as the awful Prince from the Southern Isles.” Elsa winced. “But you’d never be alone in a room with that guy.” Elsa let out a sigh of relief and a nervous laugh, never had she been more grateful of Olaf’s childlike naivety. “I was just passing by when I saw the guards snickering outside the door and heard jokes coming from here, I just had to see what was going on.” He’d finally answered the question she’d asked. “ Is this guy a clown?” he asked. “Sorry, Hans the Clown, but I’ve never heard of you before,” Olaf briefly interjected. “I didn’t know the castle had a clown.” He continued his rambling, until Elsa interrupted him.

“Olaf, where’s Anna?” Elsa asked, trying to find out if her sister was near.

“Oh, Anna’s with Kristoff,” the snowman answered. “Do you want me to go get her, so she can hear the clown’s jokes too?” He asked turning towards the door, his hand already gripping the doorknob.

“ No, no, no, no, no,” she repeated frantically, waving her hands in front of her. “Please don’t go tell Anna!”

“Why?” He asked in a serious tone as he turned to look at her suspiciously, as she stood there nervously. “Wait!” he cried out excitedly. “Is this a surprise for Anna?” he asked all bubbly again. “I love surprises! If he’s a surprise for Anna, her birthday is coming up, I promise not to tell! I don’t want to ruin the surprise for her.”

Oh, Hans would definitely be a surprise for Anna, no doubt about it, but not in the whimsical way Olaf was imagining.

Hans couldn’t help but be amused. “I believe in that line if profession I would be considered the Queen’s Fool.” Hans corrected, amused. He would acquiesce to Elsa’s demands, and weave stories in the process.

“I’m simply a traveling fool who got injured. Her Majesty has allowed me to rest here awhile. Would you like to stay for some stories?” He did his best to distract Olaf, while Elsa fussed. Technically, he considered what he had said to be true, he was a fool, he had traveled there, he was injured, and he was allowed to stay in the castle to heal. He was just omitting some details.

“I’m not worth the Princess’ time at the moment, I’d have to heal up and prepare some material before I could entertain properly, you know. But stories, I have plenty. Whether true or fiction is another question.”

Elsa was glad Hans had picked up on her cue.

Olaf gasped with excitement.

“You tell stories? I love stories! Can I hear one?” asked the small sentient snowman, before Elsa could cut in.

“Well of course little snow-prince!” Hans assured sweetly, the mask of the fool sliding on as quickly and easily as a pair of gloves. As he spoke, he scooped up the snow-man and set him on the chair Hans had been standing on, himself stepping back to take a more active role in storytelling. He buttoned his shirt in haste while he considered the story, and rolled up his sleeves as if to dispel any questions.

“Now, Once upon a time, for all good stories must start that way…” He paused, as if to think a moment. “There was a prince of mirrors named Simon, a Queen of spiders, and a sword of truth.” He grinned a little. His hands flitted across the scene, marking characters and their feelings, without representing them like puppets. His hands were simply indicators of place and mood, seemingly always moving, to capture Olaf’s attention.

“Prince Simon was a clever young man, a swordsman, an adventurer, a sailor– but he was, himself, a mirror. He could only reflect others, either how they themselves were feeling, or what they wanted him to be. On one of his many adventures, he stepped into a dark cave, with a torch held high in the darkness. With the water dripping from stalactites and collecting in pools of inky water on the floor, drip-drip-drip, he walked through the darkness unafraid, until he heard the skittering of eight legs tapping across the floor.” His hand substituted nicely for the spider.

“But deep in the darkness, he could spy a glint of gold, so he walked on, and on. As he could see in the distance that the gold was the hilt of a sword, He found one leg stuck. Then another! Then, he could no longer move. When the torch slipped somewhat in his hand, he saw a slight shimmer in the air, of spider silk, wrapped around his limbs.” He made as if to pluck a strand of it from the air, a broad gesture to keep Olaf’s attention on him.

“'Such a handsome young man,’ said the spider queen, the size of a carriage and with slavering jaws. 'I am so very hungry, but, if you answer my questions, I shall let you go,’.

But that was not the only one in the room.

'She lies!’ Sang a golden voice, that could only have come from the sword far away. 'Tell no lies, and I shall save you!’ But, Simon was a mirror. He saw a liar before him, and mirrors only remember what they can see before them.”

“'Tell me, young man’ Said the Queen, 'What is your name?’

And Simon thought, but only for a moment, before he said 'You may call me Ainsel.’

'Tell me, young Ainsel, where do you live?’ she asked, treading closer on her web, with eight insect eyes peering into his.

And he thought again, and said 'Upon the earth, betwixt some trees, with grass all about, and a view of water.’

'Tell me, young Ainsel, 'pon the Earth, where in your home do you sleep?’ She stepped closer, yet closer, until her pincers came all too close to his neck.

'I sleep in a bed,’ He said 'Under blankets, above the floor, with a roof far above.’

And upon that third question, the spider Queen hissed, dissatisfied with his answers. But before she could bite down on his neck and eat him for lunch, the sword of truth flew to his hand. He brushed the web aside with the sharpened blade, and fled from the cave with his newfound steel companion, leaving the spider-queen hungry. She prowled the kingdom for years after, but could never find anyone called Ainsel, nor distinguish one home 'pon the earth betwixt some trees with grass all about and a view of water– let alone to find someone asleep in their bed within. And that, dear snowman, is how to handle the strange and the fey without being eaten for lunch after.” Hans grinned, keeping things playful and interesting, hoping to keep Olaf interested in his stories– if only because it was something interesting to do.

Hans had already started his story before Elsa had time to oppose, but like Olaf she attentively listened to his tale, yet she was also trying to uncover the underlying meaning of his words.

At face value it was a simple story of a man handling the strange and fey without being eaten for lunch, but felt it was actually an allegory reflecting Hans’ true feelings.

It was obvious Simon was a reflection of himself. At first Elsa thought the Queen of spiders was meant to represent herself, but by the end of the story she wasn’t quite sure, the spider seemed to be symbolic of something far more grim.

The Princes cunning of knowing when to tell the ‘truth’ ended up saving him from his impending demise, but maybe there was more to it than that. He’d said mirrors only remember what they can see before them and before him was lying Queen, yet he told the truth on the third question which had brought the sword to his aid. Had the Prince taken a leap of faith, by no longer reflecting what was in front of him, and instead trusting the sword to save him if he told the truth?

Elsa thought she’d come up with a good interpretation of the stories hidden meaning. But then again, she could very well be over-analyzing a tale just meant to entertain a child, that Hans just so happened to subconsciously add elements that sounded very much like his own circumstances.

The tale of the Prince of mirrors that shattered his reflection to gain the sword of truth and escape the clutches of the hungry Queen of spiders.

It had been an engaging story nonetheless.

Like with all the stories he had told her, Hans storytelling ability was quite captivating, even more so with the addition of his animated gestures. The care he put into crafting his story in a way to maintain Olaf’s attention was quite endearing. It’d be rather hard to try to hide the smile from her face.

“Woah!” Olaf said amazement once the tale had ended. “ He’s good!” he directed the comment to Elsa, that made her chuckle. “Another!” begged the little snowman clapping his woody hands together.

“ Olaf, that’s enough for today, I think we’ve imposed on m– our dear fool’s time long enough for one day. It’s best we take our leave and let him rest now,” Elsa reasoned.

Elsa mentally kicked herself for her near slip of the tongue, Hans had referred to himself as her fool, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to view him as such, let alone say it out loud. A slight blush returning to her face.

“Aw,” groaned Olaf.

“Next time, little snow-prince. I’ll tell you a new story next-time.” He hummed, as if that were his only job in life. “Good evening, your Majesty. Rest well.” He was polite and sweet as always, and he didn’t seem to mind being referred to as 'dear fool’. Indeed, it was kind of amusing. He gave a polite showman’s bow, to complete the picture.

Sooner or later, though, he would have to give the Guards a lecture. Perhaps if he was a good enough prisoner, the Queen would let him take on the guards’ training. What an irony that would be.

Elsa went over to help Olaf get off the chair. Her eyes found Hans’ as she readied herself to head out.

“Thank you, for indulging us,” she said warmly. Her soft blue eyes telling him she was thanking him for more than just playing the fool. Elsa held Olaf’s hand with one hand while her other was on the doorknob, and she slowly opened the door as she continued making sure the guards could hear. “Also for your advice about retraining the guard, it’s been duly noted on my list of priorities.” She said banteringly rather than out of malice. She just couldn’t believe their guard had easily been breached by Olaf, it was a bit alarming actually. She flashed Hans a smile, before turning to leave.

“Bye! Hans the Fool,” Olaf waved with his free hand as Elsa pulled him along with his other.

“Your Majesty,” both addressed her sheepishly as she and Olaf exited the room.

The Queen and her 'Snow-Prince’ swiftly turned the corner and continued down another corridor.

Olaf tottled along, happy to hold Elsa’s hand and think a lot about what he learned that day.

“Wow, what a great story! But, Hans the Fool said he was here because he got hurt. What happened? He seemed healthy to me. Was it an inside hurt?” He proposed. Olaf didn’t quite have the knowledge to recognize Hans’ torso of bandages, he just thought it was a weird undershirt. Maybe that was why he didn’t seem to mind the fact that his shirt had been unbuttoned when he had arrived.

“Hm?” Elsa looked down at the curious snowman. Not knowing how or if she should answer his questions. She slowed down her pace as she pondered. “ H-he made a mistake and he got hurt because of it,” she answered simply. “ Inside hurt? You could say that, he’s good at hiding his hurt behind his smile, that’s why you didn’t notice, and why I thought we should let him rest.”

Like Hans she was omitting information, yet still answering truthfully.

“Oh… Why would he hide that? He’s hurting so he shouldn’t hide that, right?” Olaf proposed. “Why would someone do that?” He didn’t know Elsa’s habit of hiding emotions. He was too naive to know that.

“Some people hide it…because they think it’s easier for them, they don’t want other people to worry,” she spoke from experience.

Olaf frowned a bit. He thought it was wrong, but didn’t quite have the reasoning or explanation for why it was.

“What kind of mistake did he make? Isn’t it weird that he has the same name as Hans? D'you think he knows Evil Hans?” Those questions were easier to think of and ask.

Oh uh, he was asking too many questions all of which she was reluctant to answer.

“Uh,” She let out a nervous chuckle. “ Olaf, I don’t think all that is important. All that matters is that he’s here with us now and he’s getting better.” Elsa said in an attempt to stop his curious questions.

“Hm. But I want to knooowww.” Olaf whined. But he smiled and giggled a little. “Well he sure is Hansome.” Olaf giggled at his own pun. “Oh I’m clever, I should try being a fool.”

“Oh, Olaf,” she gave a lighthearted laugh as she shook her head. “You know what? If your so curious about him, you can go visit him again…tomorrow.” she stopped and knelt down in front of him. “ Just remember, don’t tell Anna.” she said as she vertically put her index finger across her lips.

“Hmmmm- Okay!!” Olaf chirped, jumping in the air excitedly.

He was kind of a loudmouth, but he could try. And thankfully, he was easily distracted from things. Even if he didn’t remember not to tell, it was a dice roll whether he would remember it at all. “Are you gonna be there, too? Are you learning all his stories?”

“Yes, I’m learning all his stories,” she smiled. “I’ll try to go as soon as I can, if I can even find the time,” she let out a sigh as her smile began to fade, “But tomorrow might be a little busy for me, trying to get the guards retraining all figured out and that’s a lot of paperwork.” Her head hurt just thinking about it, but it was necessary for the well-being of Arendelle.

“Aw, they’re nice guys, why do they need re-training?” Olaf was… not the brightest. But he was a child. It was to be expected.

#Helsa #Iceburns #Hans x Elsa #Frozen FanFiction #Fanfiction #Shattered Reflections

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early-sxnsets · 6 years ago

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Hey!! I just read your answer to that one anon about straight people in queer media and I agreed with everything ! I do have another question, though. is it ok for straight people to read smut of m|m or w|w ships?

hey darling! sorry it took so long for a reply; this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days as i’ve been running around hectically, but hey! answering it now!

long answer short: depends on the context

since this is such a complex answer, i’m going to go a lot more in depth with my opinions, but may i emphasize that these are my opinions. this is a topic that really does depend on who you’re talking to, but i’m seeing this with a “here are the facts in correlation to my experience, therefore this is my conclusion”.

i’m putting a ‘keep reading’ cut because i’ll be mentioning some very mildly NSFW stuff (in reference to my answer), therefore proceed with slight caution

to start this off, we have to think of the context of smut, how it’s used within fanfics, and the implications of reading smut. for sake of the argument, i’m not going to write what type of relationship is showcased in the smut *yet*

there is, of course, many types of smut. porn with plot, porn without plot, smut that’s within a larger fic that may only take up 10% of the story, if even that, etc.

in addition, we have to keep in mind what purpose smut usually serves within a fandom setting. it’s unlike most pornographic content, as in there’s a pre-set character and a context that they’re in (typically), as in reference to a setting we’r familiar with. we care about these people, and they’re performing a bodily action that hey, (most) people do at some point in their lives! in my opinion, (some) smut is comparable to television shows on premium networks that allow sexual content within the scenes. it’s a general “oh boy, they’re fucking! golly-jee!”

with the context of smut and the types of smut in mind, let’s dig deeper

let’s split them into two groups: fics that are about smut vs. fics that have smut.

let’s dig into fics with smut:

fics with smut, whether porn with plot or larger fics with smut in them typically follow a guideline of a story. they’re not there as just an outright fuck-fest, but rather have a story to tell. yes, even porn with plot. for example, here’s a pretty stereotypical porn with plot: person A and person B know each other somehow (sometimes friends, sometimes enemies! who knows!) and end up hooking up. then they do it again. and again. oh boy now they’re smashing but wait, there’s feelings??? what now!!! well, now there’s probably an emotional fuck, which leads to them talking and resolving into a relationship, right?

there’s a story told within that; it isn’t simply characters just smashing to smash, it’s an analysis into a character’s personality and how they would react to a situation that (typically) involves emotional attachment through sexual actions. hence, the term porn with plot. it’s like any other story, just with, yknow, sex as the driving factor.

then of course, there’s the story with smut. typically these involve either relationship building or established relationships where smut is used for one of two reasons, both of which involve trust. whether it’s a couple’s first time being shown in the fic, or it’s shown in the fic as part of their routine as a couple, or maybe even to show comfort. sex is, after all, isn’t inherently taboo and for most people, it’s a common part of life, so some writers chose to include it in order to show that.

let’s look at fics that are about smut now:

oh boy, someone’s getting down and dirty. you open the fic and maybe there’s a little exposition, but surely enough, a couple paragraphs down and wham, they’re at it.

there are called porn without plot. these fics can explore a number of things, such as possible headcanoned or canon kinks a character may or may not have, or it could be an exploration into how a character may act in a sexual setting, and so on.

with that aside, it’s still one thing and one thing only: sex. nothing much else to it. they smash, then it’s over. maybe it finishes with them cuddling or going on with their day, but that’s all. there’s no fancy way to put this, they’re just fucking! it’s probably the closest thing we get to pornography in fandoms without super-committed cosplayers and/or artists.

therefore, i need to highlight that that fics that are about smut are pornographic in nature. i’m not gonna call them outright porn, but they call it that themselves. porn with plot.

may i also include, before we continue, that there’s no shame in porn overall. i’m a sex-positive person and i say hey! have fun, adults! yknow, as long as you’re consuming it ethically!

now the difference is cleared, let’s look at consuming smut in correlation to one’s sexuality.

may i emphasize that we’re using “porn without plot” as something used to evoke arousal in those attracted to the people within them in the context of these examples. i am aware that there are plenty of people who read them just for the sake of cheering on their faves gettin’ it on, but i’m using a hypothetical context.

let’s use a couple example people in example situations.

straight guy read WLW porn without plot

straight gal reads MLM porn without plot

lesbian gal reads MLM porn without plot

lesbian gal reads WLW porn without plot

straight gal reads WLW porn without plot

immediately, we see a stereotypical, frequently referenced situation: straight guys watching (or in this case reading) WLW porn. most people see that automatically as wrong, right? this is because he’s unethically consuming this content that’s of people he’s attracted to and therefore sexualizing for their SGA (same gender attraction) and consequentially, fetishization.

in the same type of content, a lesbian gal consuming WLW porn isn’t unethical; she’s expressing her own sexuality through content of people like her.

let’s flip it. straight gal consuming MLM porn is literally the same thing as a straight guy consuming WLW porn. that’s it. it’s not rocket science, it’s someone consuming media that’s the sexualization of SGA in someone they find attractive, therefore is, say it with me, fetishization.

but we have a lesbian gal reading MLM porn. what’s she going to get out of it? probably, nothing, right? so what about the straight gal reading WLW porn? i think that’s fine, since hey, she’s not getting anything out of it! it’s not her fetishizing it for her own satisfaction.

i see the last types of situations as “sideline cheering”. i know this may sound odd, but your faves are getting it on and you just feel like cheering for them? yeah! cheer! i’ll use an example of friendships: i have MLM friends who tell me about their sexual experiences with their partners, and i’m not attracted to men, but i’ll cheer them on as a friend hearing about their friend’s good times (in a situation were we both open to sharing these details, of course). i see reading porn without plot while it doesn’t apply to you as that kinda stuff; supporting your pals having a good ol’ time.

now to move onto situations of fics with smut in them.

personally, i feel like anyone can read fics with smut in them because they tell a story. they serve a purpose of storytelling, and they just so happen to include sex, perhaps as a plot point, but maybe as an exploration of character(s) in a deeper way than “i wonder what they’d do in bed”.

now, i know that sometimes, the situation blurs, but for the sake of the question at hand, i’d say the context depends on specifically what type of smut the straight person is consuming.

again, as a disclaimer, this is my opinion. i fully understand people who have differing opinions in this, but this is just how i feel about the subject.

#asks #anon #anï rambles #queer education #smut

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sterekweek-2024 · 8 years ago

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Hey hey Sterek Fans! Today is the day that we announce our 2017 Sterek Week Schedule!! Without further ado, here’s the theme schedule for this year’s Sterek Week!

Wednesday October 25th- Alpha & Emissary: It’s a common theme, and the best part about it is that it works well for both canon AND AU! The only rule to this theme is that it has to heavily feature an Alpha and an Emissary, you could use the age old Alpha!Derek/Emissary!Stiles… or you could reverse it with Alpha!Stiles and Emissary!Derek! Or, if you want to get crazy, you could even make the Alpha/Emissary pair someone else and make them … an enemy for Stiles and Derek? A new pack to join? Maybe even it’s their kids that take on the coveted leadership roles, it doesn’t matter who they are, how they work in the story, or what universe it’s in, as long as they’re present and you keep it Sterek, it fits!

Thursday October 26th- Scene Stealer: Take a scene, any scene, from any show/book/movie, and Sterek it! Does Stiles get swept up in a tornado and land in Oz? Maybe he and a band of misfits have to save the Galaxy (again)? Does Derek meet his figure skating idol and end up getting coached by him to win the Grand Prix? Or maybe he releases a bunch of fantastic beasts in New York? Maybe someone can fix that Bleach finale’, if you’ve ever thought “Hey this scene would have been SO much better with Sterek..” then this is the theme for you!

Friday October 27th- Meet-Cute: Ahh meet-cutes, a staple of any fandom, and especially if Sterek! Meet-Cutes are a guaranteed AU and come in a variety of genres! Fluff, humor, angst, fantasy, pretty much anything you can imagine! (Although fluff is understandably the most common) Rewrite how Derek and Stiles met! It can be in the Teen Wolf universe if you want, or you could try any number of AUs, from coffee shop, to soulmate, to neighbors, get as cheesy as you want, or get creative and make us scream with glee over the cuteness of the meet-cute!

Saturday October 28th- Mates: Ever since werewolves became a thing, mates (and consequentially, mating fanfics) have ALSO been a thing (let’s be honest, they were probably a thing before that too) of course, though werewolves are encouraged, they aren’t mandatory for a mating fic! Surely there are other were-beasts and supernatural creatures with mates, and if not, there’s always SOULmates- also acceptable! Get as creative as you want and give us a reason to believe in true love again! (Or uh… make us WISH for true love again if angst is more your game) All that matters is that pre-destined life partners are a theme here!

Sunday October 29th- Lyrics and Quotes: This is one theme that can truly, easily bridge across any fanwork medium with ease, be it a video set to music, a songfic, graphics covered in quotes, or art inspired by lyrics, let your imagination run free with any words that inspire you! They can be dark, light, romantic, angsty, from fiction or real life, there are no limits, and CERTAINLY feel free to include more than one if you’re so inspired!

Monday October 30th- Partners In Crime: One of the thing the fandom seems to love most about Sterek is how well they work together, they may not always get along or agree, but when they’re in on something together it never fails to turn into something incredible, and that’s where this theme comes in! Now ofcourse they don’t have to be involved with actual CRIME for this theme to fit- they could even FIGHT crime!- it could work in an enormous variety of ways! Single Dads trying to put on an event for their kids, business partners, a singing duo, a designer and a model, Co-Alphas of a pack, pilot and co-pilot, or… you know… actual partners in crime, any kind of partnership is acceptable!

Tuesday October 31st- Halloween: Our last day this year is my personal favorite day of every year: Halloween!! From ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties, let your love for Sterek rule the night! The best part of Halloween themes is that you can use the actual holiday as Halloween for your theme- picking out costumes, trick or treating, and carving pumpkins, or you can just use what Halloween REPRESENTS- the celebration of all things magic, haunted, and living in the shadows, or hey, you can always combine it! You could also mix Halloween mythologies and modern day Halloween, maybe something special happens to werewolves on Halloween, maybe the Hales have always had a history of Halloween parties and some wicked pixies take over, maybe Stiles goes to the woods as Little Red Riding Hood and his Big Bad Wolf is waiting there for him… this may be the end of Sterek Week this year, but mark my words, as long as there is Halloween, there will be Sterek Week!

We’re so excited to announce these themes, and even more excited to see your work in October! Now that the themes are here, it’s time to start your engines, and gear up for Sterek Week 2017!!

#sterek #sterekweek #sterekweek2017 #sterek week #stiles x derek

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returnsandreturns · 8 years ago

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ok so this is partially just in response to the most recent post on your dash about lack of kudos/comments on fics and consequential discouragement for writing new stuff, and partially just because I'm a big fan of your work and am happy to validate you ~24/7~. But like. Your work is Amazing man, you are literally my favorite author on AO3. Your DDfics give me life, and are actually what inspired me to recently dive into fanfic myself. Running out of room but Pls don't ever get discouraged ILY!!

Ahhh thanks! I’m not super discouraged -- sometimes, fics that I really like don’t get as much attention as I’d wish but this fandom also dies down a lot between seasons. I��m still constantly buoyed by the response that I get for writing, so I’m not planning on quitting any time soon :)

#Anonymous

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mildlymaddy · 8 years ago

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1,2, and 3! For the writer ask :)

So I was asked all these questions about three months ago, and never gotto answering them because just looking at them gave me writer’s block somethinghorrible? But since I’ve seen the meme making the rounds again and people areposting their answers, Imma jump on the opportunity!

1. things that inspire you:

Not week-ends, that’s for sure! :p Been staring at this doc all day andhaven’t typed a word. (that is how far I went into answering this thing lasttime, lmao).

Seriously though, anything and everything I see on my dash, really. Andtalking to other people about those idiot boys; every time I ramble to @ferryboatpeak about something or the other I go out of there with new ideas.

Feeling bad/sick has also inspired most of my comfort fic. A lot oftimes I write the stuff I would like to read to feel better.

And work also inspires me. Not in that it gives me ideas, but I neverhave more ideas than when I’m supposed to be doing something else. The numberof ficlets I’ve sneakily typed in-between reviewing other stuff is... consequential. 😇

2. things that motivate you:

Feedback, obviously. Seeing other writers I admire saying nice thingsabout my fics is always the biggest high, but gushing comments from non-writerreaders is equally amazing. The idea that i can reach people with my sillystories, maybe make them sad or happy or thoughtful, will never stop beingawe-inspiring.

I actually got into an argument with the bf not long ago, because he keptsaying I should write for myself and that all great authors didn't care aboutwhat readers thought about their stories and I was like…. are you serious? Ican guarantee you every author on this planet has craved good reviews and reactedlike a pissy baby when they got criticized, and anyone pretending the contraryis a liar. :p

3. name three favourite writers:

Fanfic writers or novel writers? Either way I'll go with people I wantto emulate.

Novel :

Terry Pratchett

Sarah Waters

Stephen King

Fanfic (picking three is like Sophie’s choice, I hope you know) :

@magicalrocketships. The way she writes insecurities into her stories will never leave me anything but breathless. Even when I'm not super into the premise of the story, she still pulls me in with her impeccable prose. I am in total awe of her and I've said it before but I think what she brings to this fandom, in the way of tackling hard issues and bringing comfort to people who might be in the same situation, is invaluable.

@saysthemagpie. Her ability to write entire stories around the crackiest of premises and have me believe in them makes me wistful. There's also a lot of tenderness in what she writes, I think, which is something that resonates a lot with me.

PICKING ONE LAST ONE IS HORRIBLE why are you doing this to me?!?! And for that reason I'm going to rebel and not do it, because there's you and your breathtaking bressie fics, and there's @polaroidgirlfriend with her queer kendall as delicately crafted as lace, and there's @moondoggiestyle and @ferryboatpeak and @onedisarmed and DAMNIT why y’all so talented this is annoying. :p

#will string post all my replies #sorry for the spam #this is the only writing i've accomplished this week #but it was overdue #on writing #on fanfic #about me #squad #memes #queerlyalex

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ayanxmi · 8 years ago

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♚ ♢ ✎

The mun’s interpretation - ( accepting )

♚ - Do you agree with fandom interpretation of your character?

Well, there would have to be a character for me to agree with to begin with… and that’s typically the problem that I have seen with Rei in the Evangelion fandom over the decade. Rei is, without a doubt, the most popular character in the show since primarily I’ve dealt with people who cared little for Shinji and his problems, thinking him as a whiny shit, and also couldn’t put up with Asuka’s level of bitchiness, thinking her as completely ungrateful. I can argue against both since I’ve seen the series to death and, honestly, I can see the merits in every single character in this holy-mess-of-philosophical-fuckery. Rei, however, rarely gets talked against at all. In fact, very few people even talk about her at all when you get to the fandom about her. They either complement her ‘ beauty ’ and say she’s ‘ precious ’, or simply acknowledge her presence and don’t consider her greater role in the overarching story and just see her as a background character, and that portrayal isn’t typically much better when you looked over quite a few fan-fictions like I have over the years.

The same is true there as Rei either does nothing, or she’s there to provide a tragic element or do exposition and that’s it, and the few stories that have her do anything at all present her as the Rei from the dream world in the last episode / Angelic Days, which while not bad at all ( in fact, one of my favorite interpretations of her in this regard comes from the fanfic Nobody Dies, who’s a psycho-super genki stalker who loves to meme and has godlike powers, sneaking around and surprising people in ways that not even Batman can outclass ) it still fails to properly portray Rei Ayanami. And really, I think the problem comes down to a failure on Hideaki Anno’s part because, as it’s been said, Rei was actually intended to be creepy and unnatural, someone who’s supposed to look human but not quite to the point to allow for discomfort. Unfortunately, the idea was presented far too subtly I feel to properly convey what they wanted to tell the audience about her and instead, way too many people sympathized with her and wanted to hold her like she’s precious and really needed to be protected or dismiss her for being extremely shallow, something I have a problem with most, if not all, characters who are described as an ‘ Rei Ayanami-type ’, because they wind up doing the same thing repetitiously and don’t even bother to give a reason why, making a ‘ moe character ’ ( which makes sense since Rei was the character that, sadly, gave birth to moe ) that needs to be protected and, consequentially, has absolutely no depth whatsoever because they are repeating the same thing without understanding who Rei Ayanami actually is.

Rei Ayanami is, like they mentioned in their intention, is someone who tries to be human but clearly isn’t. Her emotional capacity & growth is heavily stunted. Her inability to truly die has left her without a concept of fear and, thus, without a concept of self because there’s nothing truly about her that she’s afraid of showing to people. She does what she does because she must, but she is also aware of the fact of who she is and that no matter what she does, it’ll never amount to anything for too long because she’s aware that everything’s going to end by her hands anyway, so she has an extreme lack of passion in anything that doesn’t have the name Ikari, as they are the only people who give meaning to her purpose. She lacks understanding of being a person, and yet, is simultaneously wise and knowledgeable enough to tell people at a glance and see their pain. The best way to describe Rei is that, while she lacks it’s depth, she’s still as far and wide as the ocean. What you see is exactly what you get, but to comprehend the sheer size of everything she is so mind-boggling it can’t be easily quantified in a few words.

So, the short answer is that while I can see why she’s rarely focused on by people compared to Shinji and Asuka, I also can’t agree to them because I understand there’s more to her character that can’t be ignored. It’s that simple.

♢ - What’s your opinion on different interpretations of your muse?

Honestly, I’ve always loved to see other people take a crack at a character I play ( or other interpretations of character in general ) because it’s always been fun to see what other people see and both complement and argue from a different perspective. It’s why when I play with my Ryuko, I always value other Ryuko’s and their interpretations, even if I’m slightly guarded and argumentative about things I see them do that I can’t see either the character nor my interpretation doing. It’s still fun to see it.

Rei is very much the same way. Even in spite of what I said is the common problem in the fandom above, I still appreciate any and all interpretations whether they themselves fall into the same conundrum or not, because they still focus on her specifically and they must see something in her that’s worth focusing on and developing in some way. So, really, they just ramify the fact of what I said about Rei being as far and wide as the ocean. They really are another view into that ocean that is Rei and it’s truly enlightening to see someone else talk about Rei and what they think or feel she is, even if I don’t necessarily agree with that viewpoint. I joke about how Rei is my baby and all ( I also joke about how much shit I am too ), but it’s honestly fun and it really helps both me and the other person to question what we see there and help us get a better grasp of her character.

✎ - What do you wish the author would reveal/had revealed about your muse?

Though a lot of my opinions of what Hideaki Anno should have revealed are far and wide ( namely, a real explanation on what the hell Adam & Lilith are beyond the small hint we got in NGE2, or why Kaworu is really confusing to follow with all of his timey-wimey talk ), I’m typically satisfied with a lot of the mystery we get with Rei because, well, she’s just that. A mystery. Someone you aren’t supposed to understand well, but know enough to want to ask questions and think on why she’s like that. So, specifically talking about what I think Hideaki Anno and Gainax should have revealed about her doesn’t really work because she’s already, in my mind, perfectly described in the series if the subtleties are paid attention to, and it’s fun to quiz in on who she really is because of those subtleties.

But, what I can say I would like to have been more elaborated is what in the hell those apparitions of Rei actually were. Like the image we see at the very beginning of the series of Rei in the middle of the street before vanishing despite being wounded and across town, or how she repeatedly appeared in Shinji’s dream-state in ep.16 & 20, conversing and interacting with him as an actual entity rather than a figment of his imagination ( something the manga hints even more towards, especially when Shinji’s trapped inside Unit-01 ), or in the two scenes in End of Evangelion where she’s standing over Misato while she died or at the very end where she’s floating in the red sea looking back at Shinji before vanishing. We get a hint at quantum mechanics and metaphysics being involved in ep.23, and I have my own opinion on it, but the lack of direct elaboration at all does have me pulling hair occasionally.

#thiirdboy #冷: ( a message from god. )#冷: ( is the expression on my face the right one? - meme. )#( finally responds to this akghk )

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paradise-of-guilty-pleasures · 5 years ago

Text

Shattered Reflections {7}

[Helsa RP- Fanfic]

Fandom: Frozen

Genre: Post-Frozen/ Canon Divergence

- Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

Pairing(s): Hans/Elsa, Kristoff/Anna

Previous Chapter: 6. Most Memorable

A/N:

Chapter 6 ⇑ ⇑ ⇑ didn’t really show up in the tags cause of the links, so I suggest you go read that first if you haven’t yet, because chapter 6-8 are all direct continuations and you don’t wanna miss out on the Helsa goodness.

7. Consequential Confidante

Hans was right, she had to stop blaming herself for everything, sometimes bad things just happen.

Correct the past in the present, not in the past we can't access. Those words stuck out to Elsa, they were a wise way of thinking about life. Focus on changing what can still be changed. She aspired to start taking those words to heart herself.

Elsa felt the shift in his hand holding hers, getting lost in her thoughts had almost made her forget she was holding it. She briefly glanced down at their hands before giving another firm squeeze.

She met his gaze accompanied by a reassuring smile. " Yes, you are doing a pretty good job correcting," she assured with a slight nod of her head.

Hans looked relieved, but he still couldn't ask for forgiveness, feeling he had not yet earned it. He just held her hand in supportive and appreciative silence for a moment.

"I just wish advice was as easy to take as it is to give. Perhaps if I listened to it, I could have avoided a lot of problems in life. But then, life wouldn't have led me here, I suppose. Perhaps it was worth it."

It was strange that he could say that, with the skin nearly flayed from his back and turned into ropy scar tissue, bandages still covering his torso, a criminal in a foreign country.

But, from his perspective: He was an undeserving wretch holding the hand of the Ice Queen of Arendelle, who could have killed him as easily as looked at him. He had survived what he was not meant to survive on multiple occasions, and now he was in a spare room of a castle, holding the Queen's hand as if they were friends, or perhaps something else.

Not to say he could do that without guilt. No, he felt the guilt every day, each as strong as the last. But she didn't need to know that. She didn't need to know how he would have sooner hanged than hear what Anna thought of him to his face, or how he thought every day about how things could or should have been different.

Perhaps it was implied in what he said: He was very bad at following his own advice.

"Life doesn't always give you want, I know that for certain, but if you're lucky it gives you what you need."

Elsa had once believed she was bound to continue living as a recluse in her own castle. The gates would be forever closed after the coronation and everything would return to ‘normal’, because some things never change. Yet, life had a different plan.

Hans, his proposal and Anna's persistence had unknowingly become the catalyst that incidentally revealed Elsa's secret, which in turn started a chain reaction. Unfortunately the end results were Hans' treason.

Even though Elsa would never really remember all that transpired during the coronation incident fondly, she was still grateful of the doors it opened just for happening. She reconnected with her sister, finally let go, and found her freedom. It had also made other things possible that might not have happened otherwise, like Anna meeting Kristoff, the creation of Olaf, and finally; reopening the gates of Arendelle.

But just because things with Hans ended tragically during the coronation, didn’t mean they would have been better off without him, because if it weren't for him helping set off the reaction, some things might have never changed.

Elsa believed some things happened for a reason. Did she believe in destiny? Not exactly. She didn't see fate as something set in stone, but more like something that gave you opportunities, and how you use them is up to you.

"Very true." He agreed softly. He watched her as she got lost in thought, and he felt something. He wasn't sure what. Some degree of peace? Loyalty? Admiration seemed closest at the moment. He admired her beauty and her strength, her softness and her wisdom. Wisdom didn't always mean knowing everything, but accepting knowledge when it came.

"Shall I tell another story? Or have you other questions for me, Your Majesty?" He asked after a long moment, both seemingly lost in their own separate thoughts.

His questions brought her out of her thoughts. Listening to another story would be nice, she really enjoyed those a lot. Yet, there were still many unanswered questions.

There was a knotty question in particular that was eating away at her, it was probably best not to ask, for she may regret asking it for she not might like the answer, yet curiosity seemed to get the best of her.

So, against her better judgement, she dared to ask anyway.

" So, what did you really think of Anna?"

Hans thought about his response a bit.

"She's a sweet girl, a little naive, but that's not her fault. She's cute and endearing, and she needs someone who can listen to her and make sure she feels listened to. She's determined, too-- and has a right hook that could compete with my brothers." He laughed and touched his jaw, remembering that punch.

"She punched me off the boat." He laughed a little at that memory. "She's determined and wants to be taken seriously, she's impatient and excitable. If she weren't a princess I would advise she go spend some time exploring. If she got a little training and world-wise, she would be a fine pirate, I would wager." That was as much a joke as anything.

"Or are you asking my feelings for her? I consider her a good princess, and someone I wish I hadn't had to disappoint so thoroughly. I'd sooner she never see me again, if at all humanly possible."

His insight on her sister was reassuring, she was pleased that he spoke highly of her.

She wasn't exactly sure what she had been inquiring about herself, his real thoughts, feelings or maybe she just wanted to find an opening to tell him Anna was all right, after everything that happened.

" Anna was lucky to have found Kristoff then, he's a great listener." She smiled thinking of the gentle mountain man and how much he loved her sister.

" She truly is a free spirit, and had she been a pirate she would surely have wrought some havoc," she lightly laughed.

Elsa paused and her face began to grimace.

"I wish not to disappoint her myself... I forbade her from going to see you in the dungeon afraid of what she might do..." she was worried about Anna's well-being as well as Hans' come they cross paths." I have yet to inform her you are no longer there...and I'm afraid of upsetting her."

Hans listened, and smiled a bit. "Kristoff... the big mountain man, I assume? He seemed honest. Don't think I heard two words from him, but that's the impression I got." He shrugged.

"Thank you for that. It's not the violence I fear, anything she can do to me I'll bear without a word, but it's the disappointment and anger that hurts. I don't get to feel bad about it, though. I did this to myself. Maybe I was wrong, maybe everything would have turned out fine without my being a villain, I can't know. But it was so much easier to be a villain at the time and let her be angry with me, than for 'true love's kiss' not to work and for her to be disappointed in me, or worse, herself. Maybe that makes me a coward. It wouldn't be the first time I took the coward's route." He looked down at his hands, pulling his from hers to fold them in his lap. No, He didn't feel he deserved forgiveness of any stripe.

Elsa nodded to confirm his inquiry about Kristoff.

Elsa had once again forgotten their hands were intertwined until he retracted his hand from hers, letting the warmth that once surrounded it dissipate.

She drew back her hand balling it up against her chest. Elsa pursed her lips and they both sat silently for a moment.

She took in a breath as she opened her mouth to speak.

" Anna's frozen heart will always be my fault." Even if it was by accident, and Anna had easily forgiven her, she couldn't yet forgive herself, it was a guilt that continued to consume her, she had almost killed her sister, yet again.

" I'm sorry you felt caught between a rock and a hard place, and thought you were forced to choose the lesser of two evils," she apologized, for the circumstances. " Don't get me wrong, I don't condone your actions, but I do understand them."

"But, I don't believe a 'true love's kiss' would have saved Anna regardless if you actually loved her, I don't think true love works like that," she rationalized. "I don't know much about love myself, but I believe true love is unconditional and requires time. It isn't something that just happens between two strangers overnight, like in fairy tales, I’m afraid that’s just misinterpreting infatuation, and not actually true love." She briefly paused. She would have mentioned the only unconditional love she happening overnight would be parental love, that love between parents and their newborn child, but refrained herself from doing so, realizing that not everyone is lucky enough to have parents that felt that way.

"I believe what really ended up saving Anna was...her own selflessness." Elsa's voice grew softer. "She gave up her chance of saving herself...in order to save... me." There was a slight trembling in her tone. "Her sacrifice was the act of true love... she saved herself by saving me..." She paused as she tried to gulp down the lump that had grown in her throat. Talking about Anna's Frozen Heart on the fjord was hard on Elsa, she was getting teary-eyed. She took a deep breath,to keep herself from crying. "I love Anna with all my heart...but I feel my love is selfish compared to hers," Elsa thought of how Anna had never given up on her, even after the countless times Elsa had pushed her out and shut the door in her face. Elsa didn't think she was strong enough to endure that same pain Anna had without giving up hope.

" I can't think of any other way...we would all be here today...had you...had things not..." She clenched her fist tighter and inhaled again.

" We can never know for sure...how things would have played out differently. But, like you yourself said in the throne room, and I also believe, it was a rather-- miraculous outcome, to say the least."

"If you think yourself a coward, that makes me one as well. Had I stayed rather than run away, everything could have been prevented."

She spiraled into blaming herself for everything again, it was a habit that was hard to break.

Elsa hadn't noticed she had chilled the room as she spoke.

Hans watched her devolve into self-hate and near tears with a look of sympathy. She was clearly so deeply upset-- and in front of a prisoner.

No, he couldn't still be a prisoner. Prisoners did not see the Queen cry. Whatever he was, things had changed. He wasn't sure why. His focus was elsewhere.

He took her cold hands in his and knelt in front of her on the floor, to warm her.

"Hey, hush now." He cooed softly, familiar words from long ago, ones she wouldn't know the way he did. He reached up to pet her hair.

"Stop this thought, you're killing yourself slowly, and one day you'll think like this and make the last decision you'll ever make, forgetting all the people around you who would never be the same. Your sister, your servants, your people, your guards, Kristoff, your snow-creations, myself. There must be a hundred names you know, faces you remember, people who would shed a thousand tears if they knew what pains drove you here. Don't make my mistakes. I made that decision once, someone else stopped me, and I saw the cost of thinking this way for everyone else. Stop feeding your hate, even if it's hate for yourself, even if it's disguised as sorrow. You have made mistakes, had accidents, but you were never a treasoner. You never raised a sword to another intending to kill. You are a wondrous person and if you keep thinking the way you are, I fear we all may one day find that wondrous person missing from our lives forever. I know too many who would never bear that thought."

He spoke quietly, almost in a rush, but always with genuine-seeming care and concern, her hands clasped in his, on one knee on the cold stone without sign of discomfort, looking up at her.

He was alluding to some uncomfortable things. Whether she understood them, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Elsa's hands tightly clasped to his with a slight tremble. She looked down at him with her blue eyes welled up with tears.

The return of his warmth was comforting. His cooing and tender touches had momentarily soothed her. She'd continued to fight back the tears, but to no avail, his words failed to console her heavy heart and she began to weep.

Elsa understood what he was implying, and recognized what decision he had intended to take, before being stopped by someone. The easy way out, the thought that briefly crossed her own mind up at the North Mountain, of the world better off without her. It hurt her heart to hear, he had impelled to take such an action. She wondered what had provoked him to do so, and dreaded to think it might have been his remorse.

"I-I would never...I love...Anna... Arendelle... too much to ever... make them suffer because of me again." She murmured, with a sniffle.

Her whole body began to quiver.

"But I can't help, but feel guilty... the mistakes I made shouldn't be brushed off as if they were nothing or pretend they never happened... just because I am Queen... they were fatal mistakes...I may not be deemed a treasoner...but...people almost lost their lives...one of being...my own sister and all because of...me.

"...And yet Anna keeps telling me... 'It's alright'...because I didn't mean to..but is it really all right?..Does my intention really matter?..A life lost is a lost life... and it would have been...blood on my hands... no matter what.

"I know... love is the key...to my ability...but deep down... I'm still afraid... if I... if I...accidentally lose control again...I could actually end up...killing someone...with-without a second thought."

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

She was letting out the hidden darkness that kept eating away at her heart, thoughts that often kept her up at night, to a man that almost killed her himself, nonetheless. Why? Why did she feel compelled to pour her heart out this man? Why not confide in Anna? Her sweet sister who deeply loved her. Or maybe Kristoff? Who was wise and always willing to listen. Why did it have to be him? Why Hans?..Why?

Maybe, because out of everyone, he was the only one that could truly understand her.

Hans was surprised she would weep in front of him. It was heartbreaking, truly. But, he could see something had shifted between them. He was something more than a prisoner, though still something less than a person. Still, so were the fey, and they seemed to have sway here.

"Hey, shh, shh, it's alright." He cooed, dimly remembering the same gentleness from his father, as he reached up to brush away her tears with warm hands.

"You're trapped in an awful paradox. To be responsible you have fears, but every fear makes your powers tremble to fix it like a dog after a stick. What can you do? Stop viewing this as fear, that's the dark side, that part that blocks out the sun and gives the ice room to grow. It's your love of others that recedes the shadows and melts the ice. It's the love of your sister, your people, your kingdom that makes you so concerned for them. There will not be blood on your hands, you are too kind, for your ice to let anyone truly die. I have seen that for myself." She, he had heard, was in the room while the doctor fixed his back. She had seen the damage and the scars, infections and blood. She stood by and assisted through it all. That was not the work of a killer.

"Sit with me, you should have a shoulder to cry on, and for all my injury, my shoulders are fine." He joked a little, to encourage her to move to sit on his bed with him, that he could hold her and let her cry.

Was it proper, for a queen and her prisoner? No. None of it was. But he recognized that something was different.

'They'll never see me cry!'

Elsa had once told herself. And yet look at her now, sitting here sobbing like a child. She'd failed to conceal and not feel yet again.

Was it improper for a queen to let herself cave in and weep ( especially in front of a man she'd ruled her prisoner)? By all means, yes. Ill-advised? Most certainly. Starting to lament it? Without a doubt. But, had it been a mistake? That was something that was yet to be determined.

She nodded at his offer, shifting her body to sit next to his (once he sat), with little to no reluctance. She was already weeping, it could be no worse to allow herself some solace.

Elsa slightly leaned her head upon his shoulder. One hand grasping at his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she muttered under her breath.

Hans pulled Elsa closer so she could rest against his chest. In truth, it was not his shoulder he felt she needed, but the rest of him. To be held and recognize another human being close to her, recognizing her pain.

"You never need to apologize to me. You did nothing to me that I didn't do to myself." He assured gently. It had been his choices, his responses that got him where he was. He stroked her hair and held her as if they had always been friends, or perhaps as something else.

"Cry all you like, I'll not tell a soul. Sometimes it's all we can do to stay sane. And when you're done, I'll make a fool of myself to brighten your spirits, make you laugh."

Even weeping, she was beautiful. It was a heart-rending scene, and in a way, he was glad he was a prisoner there. It was easier, he suspected, to give secrets to a man who could have none of his own. To someone who would speak to no-one. By rights, Arendelle, and Isles law, he was hers to command, and he had no problems with that. He wondered if she fully recognized that.

Elsa's body naturally tensed up at the shift, though she didn't not resist Hans pulling her closer. His embrace was warm, much like that of the blankets she would often nestle herself in, when she sought comfort from Anna and a cup of cocoa.

She did not try to force her tears to stop, fearing it might cause her to sob even harder than just allowing them to flow. Even if she hated feeling so vulnerable crying, it did seem to be easing her aching heart.

His gentle hair stroking was soothing. For the longest time she heard nothing but the sounds of her own whimpering. Her ear was pressed up against his chest, she tried to focus her attention on Hans' respiration, his breath was calm and steady compared to hers, she slowly tried to make hers replicate his. She closed her eyes and listened more attentively to hear his heart, it's beat soft and it's rhythm calming.

After staying like that for a while, her tears had stopped flowing and she felt she had calmed down significantly.

She slowly shifted, bringing up her hands pushing her palms against face brushing away the remnants of her tears. She looked up at Hans as she sat up.

"Thank you, " Elsa whispered, followed by a sniffle.

"Of course." Hans assured, watching her with softness in his eyes. "Did I tell you about the depth of symbolism, in a man of the Isles surrendering his sword? It is to a noble similar to giving up a crown. My loyalties are yours." Maybe he shouldn't have said it, but he thought that perhaps it might distract her from her woes. He reached up to help dry her eyes, affectionate and caring. He had some fondness for her, even if he really shouldn't have.

Elsa's heart skipped a beat and felt her face flushing. She wasn't sure if it was brought about by: the softness green eyes, the weight of his words or maybe their proximity was finally sinking in, all three together were a bit overwhelming.

"Uh-I wasn't aware of that." she said, shaking her head. "You only told me was that the surrender sword belonged to me now and you couldn't have another unless gifted back by Arendelle, I believe." Elsa tried her best to keep eye-contact but her blue eyes kept dancing back and forth trying to escape his gaze.

"Yes, it goes a little deeper than that. It's a willing lack of defense. What's more, Nobody held a knife to my throat or threatened my family. I came willingly and gave you my sword, my loyalties are yours and your command is mine to take. Even if I were to receive lands, unless a sword is gifted to me first, they would traditionally fall to you instead. Of course, whether or not that works in practice is another question, it's a medieval tradition in this modern age. But I like to hold to our sword traditions. A prisoner, of course, has no rights to weapons or lands to begin with. But I'd have given over my sword anyway. Else, why bother getting a facsimile made? It was only a symbolic fill-in, there's no purpose to that for a prisoner who didn't come willingly. Hm, all this to say, I can have my uses. If that use is to be a confidant, then that's my use. I certainly won't judge you for your tears, one of us should be able to have them." He reached up a hand to brush his thumb below her eye, as if to wipe away any remnants of tears she may have had. He did have some fondness for her. Maybe he shouldn't have, but he did.

Maybe in a way he always had.

Hans was supposed to be her prisoner, but he definitely wasn't one anymore, she didn't know what he was to her now, exactly. A friend perhaps? Not quite, but he most certainly seemed to have become an incidental confidant. She no longer saw him as a prisoner, that’s for sure, something prevented her from seeing him as such, his humanity perhaps or maybe something else. Whatever it was Elsa was just now starting realizing she might have gotten herself in too deep.

Hans' thumb brushing against her skin made her whole face tingle. Her face felt unbearably warm, either from the heat coming off his skin or from the flush growing warmer, most likely both. She didn't understand why a simple touch had made her reaction in such a way, when she had been far closer to him mere moments ago.

"Thank you," she replied to his words, not knowing how else to respond, being slightly flustered.

Hans hesitated a moment there, though to what end was anyone's guess.

"Cold will reduce the evidence of tears, I daresay you have that handled. I imagine you've been here a fraction too long for the guards' liking. Luckily, nobody asks us questions."

He drew back from her, distancing and giving her reasons and advice, as if he was something to hide, as well as her and her tears. In his life, tears were forbidden. He hadn't had them since his childhood, at least not that he would admit. It was much more becoming on women.

When Hans began retracting himself from Elsa (and even if her face was burning because of his proximity), there was a force within her wishing he wouldn't, like the resistance of pulling two magnets apart. She had grown accustomed to his warmness, in every sense of the word, and did not wish to lose it. He was absolutely right though. Elsa might overstayed her welcome, she had just broken down in tears in front of him after all, something that should absolutely not be happening, especially between a queen and her supposed prisoner. Even if she knew he was right, there was a part of her that didn't wish to leave yet.

"You're right, I really should go...but if I leave now, my breath might still give me away." Elsa stated. "Even with no questions asked they might still assume."

Though it was true that she still had a slight puffing to her breath that she could not yet control, it might have been more of Elsa giving herself an excuse to let herself stay, if only a tad bit longer.

Sure the guards could assume she'd been crying, but they could be assuming far worse then her shedding tears, yet that didn't really cross her mind.

Hans smiled a little in spite of himself.

"Her Majesty is right again." He admitted, amused.

"Shall I tell another amusing story then? Perhaps loudly so the guards might be entertained? We could make a game of it, see if we can make them laugh through the wall. I was never very good at Improvisation, but I might try nonetheless if it would make you laugh. Or worse, I'll try puns and jokes. I have a good many musical ones." He did like to play games and tell stories. Despite the sadness of his life, he enjoyed it when everyone was having a good time. That was the only time he liked to be noticed.

#Helsa #Iceburns #Hans x Elsa #Frozen #Frozen FanFiction #Shattered Reflections

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