#Misha always straightens his clothes

[kinoshi]

Над тобою сияет солнце The sun shines right above you

Разливается алкоголь the alcohol spills over

Если ты вдруг полезешь в драку If you abruptly get into a fight

я полезу туда с тобой I’ll get in there with you

подержу золотые кудри Hold your golden curls

если ты чутка перепьешь if you over-drink just a bitI'

посижу на последней паре I'll sit through the last class

если только ты позовешь if you just ask me to

Над тобою сияет солнце The sun shines right above you

Разливается алкоголь the alcohol spills over

Если ты вдруг полезешь в драку If you abruptly get into a fight

мне уже будет не в первой  won't be a first for me

подержу золотые кудри Hold your golden curls

вытру кровь с твоих белых щек wipe the blood from your pale face

я не знаю, что с нами будет. I don't know what'll happens to us

пустим это на самотек so let's go with the flow

"Олимпос" -Алена Швец

"Olympic"- Alyona Shvets

He is so cool!

Reminds me of Sleepy .

Sleepy?

Yes!

You should meet him!

Дайте потискать Мими, ну кто не любит этих больших котичков 🥺

[thefirstcourtesan]

Soulmates January: Master of Our Own Fate (M!Blaine x F!MC)

Master of Our Own Fate

By Misha

Disclaimer- Not Mine.

Author’s Notes- This is the second of my 31 soulmate AUs for January. This one was not a request, it was me trying out a new pairing: Blaine x MC. This is a soulmate twist on the first two chapters of Foreign Affairs and is also letting me play with the dynamic and their personalities. I love them already.

Pairing- Male!Blaine x Female!MC (Kennedy Monroe)

Rating- PG-13

Summary- Kennedy has always done what was expected of her and ignoring her soulmark is just one of those things. Until she meets Blaine Hayes and suddenly questions everything she has ever known.

Words- 1350

“Kennedy, one more thing,”  Winston pauses, turning back to her, as he imparts his final piece of ‘advice’.

“Yes?” She forces herself to keep her voice light, reminding herself that Winston is just doing his job.

“Your mother wants to remind you to wear, ahem, appropriate clothing at all times,” Winston says, his gaze falling behind her. Kennedy knows exactly what he is referring to. Her soul mark. The one her mother has ordered her to never show to anyone. Kennedy still remembers her mother’s horror when the mark appeared. “Those are Ardonian colors.”

Of course, the idea of Kennedy having an Ardonian soulmate would never do, so her mother preferred to pretend the mark didn’t exist and wanted to make sure the rest of the world never found out, never once asking Kennedy how she felt about it.

Kennedy doesn’t know, has never thought about it, because in the end, she is well aware her opinion doesn’t matter. Which is why she simply assures Winston that she has no intention of doing anything that will bring embarrassment to her mother or Rutherland.

And she does mean those words. Because that is who she is. She is the good girl. The perfect first daughter. She does what is expected and would never court scandal. Besides, it’s unlikely she would meet her soulmate at Vancross, so what is the harm in keeping her mark private?

Then she meets Blaine Hayes and feels the kind of instant attraction that she thought only existed in movies. She loses herself in his kiss and feels fireworks. And soulmates are the last thing on her mind until Dionne tells her that Blaine is the first Son of Ardona.

She is angry at him for not telling her. Angry at herself for giving into temptation. But mostly she can’t stop thinking about the mark on her back. It’s not in a place she can easily see and she has never gone through the effort.  It has been years since she has let herself think about it and she actually has no memory of what letter is represented there, it was all washed out by her mother’s horror over the colors.

Of course, it’s not a B. There’s no way. Blaine is not her soulmate.

She won’t let herself look. Can’t let herself look. Because, she doesn’t know what she wants to see, or not see.  If it’s a B... Well, that would complicate everything in ways that makes her wince to think about, but if it’s not... Well, that thought brings a sharp pain that she definitely isn’t ready to investigate. So, no, she’s not going to look. 

But the idea eats at her enough that when Dionne hands her the outfit for the party, a midriff bearing number that Kennedy’s mother would not approve of, one that is one wrong move away from exposing her secret to the world, she wears it.

After she is dressed, before she and Dionne leave for the party, she drops something on purpose, bending over in a way that causes her outfit to shift and her Mark to be exposed. As she straightens, she sees Dionne’s eyes widen.

“Kennedy, your mark—“

“Is In Ardonian colors, I know,” Kennedy interrupts, she can see from Dionne’s shocked expression that there is more to it and she forces herself to voice the question that has haunted her for weeks, “but I actually don’t know the letter, can you tell me what it is?”

Dionne look around the empty dorm, then steps closer to Kennedy, her voice low, “Kennedy, it’s a B!”

Dionne’s expression says it all. The other girl is obviously convinced that the initial is significant. “You and Blai—“

“We don’t know that!” Kennedy says quickly, cutting her off, “you know,  we should get going. We don’t want to miss all the fun.”

Dionne nods, obviously accepting that Kennedy is not ready to talk about the revelation, or potential revelation. “Of course.” She hesitates. “Kennedy, it’s going to be a big party, I mean I know I suggested the outfit, but maybe you should wear something else?”

“No,” Kennedy says firmly, “I like this one.”

She knows it’s a stupid risk to take. Dionne’s right, there will be a lot of people at the party. Blaine will be at the party. And once that skeleton is out of the closet, there will be no putting it back. And she’s not sure she’s ready to deal with the fallout. But some stubborn part of her won’t back down. She needs to know. And not just because the memory of Blaine’s lips on hers has been haunting her since the day they met.

Maybe it’s because his words have been haunting her just as much.

“Suddenly, you meet someone who says screw all that, and deep down, you wish you could do the same instead of always being exactly the girl that mommy wants.”

She wanted him to be wrong. Wanted to prove to herself that he was. That she wasn’t just the good little girl who always did what her mother told her too. And this, this was a step towards that.

She takes another step later that night, while playing tower pong with Blaine, Dionne and Peter. She drops a ball on purpose and bends to pick it up. She hears Dionne’s intake of breath, but ignores it. There is only one reaction she cares about and as she straightens, she can see Blaine has gone still, his eyes fixed on her. For once, his characteristic smirk is absent.

Kennedy’s heart flips in her chest. His reaction is... significant. But it’s not an answer. Not really. But she can get one,

She makes the final shot and wins their bet. As Blaine strips outs of his clothes, he pivots, clearly giving her a good look at his back. This time, Kennedy’s gasp echoes Dionne’s. There is no mistaking the Rutherland colors or the ‘K’ in the middle of the mark.

Kennedy doesn’t know how to process it. At first, she doesn’t have too. Blaine’s smirk is back in place when he returns from fulfilling his end of the bargain and then challenges her to a rematch, “if you dare” and then disappears into the party.

Kennedy’s not stupid, he’s daring her not to follow through on a lot more than a rematch. The question is, will she? It goes against everything she has been taught, every instinct she has. Her mother will lose it if she even suggests that Blaine Hayes might, possibly be her soulmate. It is an international incident waiting to happen. She knows that.

She should walk away. Nothing good can come out of following up on this and yet... He is her soulmate. He is the person the universe picked. And while she’s always rolled her eyes at the idea of that, of fate choosing someone for her and just the idea of soulmates in general,  she’s not laughing now. Not with the way he makes her feel, the way she’s started questioning her whole world since meeting him.

Blaine is everything she has always been afraid to be. Everything she has been taught not to want. And the idea of pursuing him, of even acknowledging that their might be something there, scares her more than anything else in her entire life. And yet, she finds herself walking up to him and tapping him on the shoulder.

He turns to her, that trademark cocky grin on his face, but the intensity of his gaze is at odds with the ease of his smile. “Up for that rematch, Rutherland?”

She smiles back, “something like that.”

End

[4llmywr1tings]

Early Arrivals

Characters/Pairing: Jensen X Reader, Kim, Jared, Words: 1,851 Warning: pregnancy hormones, water breaking?... A/N: you are Kim Rhode’s little sister. (Y/N): your name. Tagging: @autoblocked

+

Jensen’s Point Of View

“I know, I just wish I was there. With you.” You sigh as you walk down the hall. Jared and Misha were up ahead of you, goofing off while making some live stream for some reason.

‘I know, and I wish you were here too, but you know how much the conventions mean to your fans. And I know that it means a lot to you too.’

“Babe. I. I don’t want to miss the birth of our daughters.” You finally find yourself in the green room with the rest of the cast for the day. Kim gives you a smile, but stops short of hugging you when she sees your face.

‘First off, I know you want to be there and you’re going to be there. I still have a month and a half.’ (Y/N) gave a sweet laugh and it made you really missed your wife right now.

“Don’t make me miss you anymore babe.” you order, laughing slightly.

‘Yes sir.’ she mocks with a giggle. ‘Babe, go have fun. If anything is going to happen, you’ll be the first to know. If I can’t get ahold of you, we’ll do what we’ve practiced. I’ll call Kim, then Jared, and then Misha. You’re only in Seattle, so a flight back home will be quick. I promise you won’t miss anything.’

“Promise?” you ask quietly.

‘I promise. I want you there when I’m pushing, so I can break your hand. If I have to.’ she laughs, trying to make the mood lighter.

“Ok. I’ll hold you to that baby.” you sigh, motioning to Jared who was calling after you. You hold up your finger and clear your throat. “I’ll be back later and I’ll call you baby. Okay? I gotta go.”

‘Okay handsome, I love you Texas.’ she replies.

“Right back at you gorgeous. I love you, my brown eyed girl.”

+

Your Point Of View

After hanging up with Jensen, you stand from your resting spot in Kim’s hotel room. There were three things you knew. One, you hated being apart from Jensen. Your husband was your life, and you loved every waking minute with the handsome dork. Two, it was only a two and a half hour drive, so flying wasn’t an option, and you were going to be with him this weekend. He seemed to need it. Three, if you were having the babies - it would be in Seattle. There was no way you’d let him miss out on this opportunity. You saw him as an “uncle” of sorts to Thomas and Shep, and you knew you wanted him to be a dad two your two angels.

Coast is clear, they’re at their panel, and Misha is doing. Something. Being Misha. You should come down.

You smile at the small hidden message about Misha, and quickly respond.

Sounds good. I’m just getting my lazy butt out of bed. I’ll see you soon!

You put your hand on your swollen belly and slip in to your shoes, pulling yourself together you rush out as quickly as you can; only excited to see the look on your husband’s face when he would see his surprise.

+

“Wow, for someone holding two kids in there, you made time mamma,” Kim giggled as she watched you waddle into the green room.

“Well, I miss Jay, and the only way I’m going to make it is to walk fast.” you wrap your arms around Kim in a hug and join her on the couch. She puts a hand on your tummy and after a few seconds, your babies had started kicking, knowing their aunt was near.

“Well, how are you feeling?” she asks, handing you a water bottle. “Ready to have these kids?”

“Yes. Very much.” you yawn. “One minute they’re giving mom too much energy, and the next they’re making me tired. And the heartburn.” you clutch your stomach as a Braxton Hicks contraction hits, painfully in the usual spot on your stomach. “And the Braxton Hicks. Always with the Braxton Hicks.”

“Just a month and a half, and they’ll be full term. Come on little bear. You can do it."

“Ugh, why did I ever let you start calling me that? Mama Bear.” you stick your tongue out and scrunch your nose.

You loved your big sister, but Kim had become more and more of a mama bear once you had announced you were pregnant.

“Because I’m a big sister, and I have to be that way.”

“Yeah. I know. Man, I just want them to be here. I wanna be a mama.” you smile at your sister, and suddenly go to clutch your stomach.

“Are you okay?” she asks with a worried tone to her voice.

“Yeah. They’re just getting to me. And you know me and pain. I’m a big baby.”

“Try walking around. I know you can’t take a hot bath, but walking may ease your pain.” She instructs, standing to help you up.

But things were going to happen differently. After a sharp pain, your sister gave you a look of all looks - eyes almost bulging out of her head.

“Did that just happen?” you ask grabbing on to your sister for support. “Did my water just break?”

“Yes. What do you need?” she goes into mommy mode and stands, gripping her phone almost to the point of breaking it.

“All my clothes are in your room. I want to change, but. I. I just want Jensen.” you wail, holding to your stomach.

“Well, let’s get you changed, and then maybe you can go and tell him yourself.”

+

By the time Kim had returned with fresh clothes, an aide had gotten you a blanket. Your sister helps you into comfortable clothes, and then she slowly leads you towards the stage. You wanted Jensen to be involved and you wanted to be the person who told him his kids were on their way.

Even though you knew he was having a good time and you almost felt bad to stop him, you knew he’d want to be there.

The crowd was laughing by the time you made it backstage, laughing at something the boys had done.

‘Well, all I know, after ruining that scene for like the hundredth time, I knew she was going to be pissed.’ Jensen chuckles and clears his throat. ‘I see her walking towards me, one of the fastest speed-walks I have ever seen in my entire life. She grabs me by the collar of my jacket - my Dean leather jacket - and almost drags me away before I can even get my footing under me properly.’

‘He’s right. I didn’t see him for an entire weekend.’ Jared snorts, getting a laugh out of the crowd.

‘Well, it did start me on the best adventure of my life.’

You take a microphone from a stage hand and walk out slowly, putting your finger to your lips as the crowd starts to cheer.

“He has to say that. He may or may not be scared of my big sister and her best friend.”

Jensen shot around - almost too quickly for his chair - and let the chair clatter to the ground as he heard your voice.

“Ladies and gentlemen, while Old Man Ackles calms down, everyone. Meet Mrs. Ackles, and Ackles 1 and Ackles 2.”

It had been almost two weeks since you had seen your husband last – between your last moments before maternity leave and his schedule, you had no time to be together. So you weren’t surprised when Jensen buried his head into the crook of your neck. You tighten your hold on him and let him breathe in a few times.

After a few seconds, over Jared’s babbling and the crowds laughing, you hear Jensen clear his throat and then straighten up to kiss you on the cheek.

“It’s like they’re so gross and in love and its. Ugh.” Jared shakes his head at you as you both finally look to him.

“Well, it’s been two weeks since we’ve been together, and I missed her. What’s your excuse when you and the wife are together?” Jensen retorts, causing you to laugh.

“Sure, sure. I mean not that I don’t like seeing you (Y/N), but what are you doing here? Weren’t you in Vancouver?” Jared looks to you, and your husband content to have one arm around you, and another placed comfortably on your stomach, rubbing your swollen belly methodically.

“Well, about that. I decided to get a few amazing people in on this, and they got me here and I was hiding out in my sister’s room until they came here. But unfortunately I need to steal Jensen away from y’all.”

“Why?” Jared whines. “I don’t want to be left alone with Misha.”

“Yeah, well looks like Ackles 1 and 2 are going to be a little early. Ready to be a dad soon?” You meant the last part for Jensen, but the crowd went wild anyway.

“Um, I. I gotta go guys. I’M SO SORRY! I’M GONNA BE A DAD!”

+

By the same time the next day, you were the proud parents of – not the two girls you were expecting – two beautiful boys. You were at a loss for words that you were finally a mom and couldn’t have been happier. It gave you immense joy to watch as Jensen held tight to his two small and swaddled sons. So much in fact, that you were caught staring, too many times.

“What, what are you staring at?” Jensen asked with a grin. Right about now your two boys were sleeping soundly on Jensen’s chest, and he was content to miss the game on TV and stare at his babies.

“Oh, you.” you stretch quietly and turn to your side.

“Me, why me?” your first born Ashton shudders a big sigh before going back to sleep. Jensen’s hand goes to the baby’s back for reassurance.

“Oh, because daddy looks good on you, and I am so in love with this picture right now.” You reach over to your hospital tray and find your charging phone. You aim the camera at him and he gives you a tired smile. After viewing the photo you had taken you smile back at him. “So in love.”

“We make two cute kids, don’t we?” Jensen asks with a happy gleam to his eyes.

“We sure do, now let’s snuggle as a family. Here,” you order, wiggling your fingers to your husband. He swiftly stands with both babies, and walks to the edge, handing you the younger one - Lucas - as you sit up. Jensen walks around the bed, toeing off his boots as he makes it to the other side. Slipping into the bed, he turns to you and gives you a long, passionate kiss.

“I sure do love you Mrs. Ackles. You and my two boys. You. Are. My. World.”

You let out a small yawn and clutch to Lucas, as you put your head on Jensen’s shoulder. “Yeah. My boys. I like the sound of that.”

[miraclejune]

HERO’S SOUP: CHAPTER 18

Pure Heart

A figure bundled up in dark winter clothes plowed his way through the thick layer of snow.

He pulled down his mask, gazing at the distance. Across the misty horizon was civilization. Subtle twinkling lights and few visible buildings stood. "About a mile away." He calculated the distance between him and his target place.

While fixing his mask back to his already frosty face, a big black shadow leapt past him. It alerted him. He looked around cautiously but all he could sense was endless tundra.

"What is a vampire doing in Tromso?" Chan turned around to see a man with slicked back platinum hair. He was dressed too formal from head to toe.

He wore a black suit, sharp-looking, and well-fitted. Exactly the opposite of what a person should wear on where they're standing. That was something that made him a bit nervous. It's not that he wasn't also under-dressed by only wearing a thin shirt underneath his padded jacket.

The wolf beside the man wasn't the reason why Chan's bothered. Unlike him, whose black clothes almost turned white because of the blizzard, the man in front of him had no speck of snow whatsoever.

When the man smiled, it was a little bit magical. His insides churned at the sight.

"I'm looking for someone."

"Go look elsewhere. What you seek is not here." his british accent made him sound polite and prim. However, the wolf beside him snarled at the vampire.

"Now now," the man walked right above the snow. Blocking Chan's view of the wolf. "Don't go killing my friend with your stare." he smiled sweetly. Cringe.

Chan sighed. He looked around and heightened his senses. There were a couple hundred people in the city. A few were supernatural beings as well. "What are you doing here?"

The man fixed his collar and patted his right thigh with his hand twice. The wolf stood at his side, lowering itself for the man. Chan wondered how the hell will he sit down without crumpling that dashing suit. His query was answered when the man sat sideways.

"Someone has sent me to find you. If you please," suit guy scooted upwards.

"No way in hell will I ride a wolf."

'I'd rather get dismembered'

"Yeah yeah. Shut up." suit guy smiled. "You can hear him."

"Heightened senses. And please close your mind will you? Your thoughts are annoying." the wolf growled beneath its belly but he did what he was told.

"Misha, you let your thoughts out loose again." the wolf whined as an apology.

"Very well. Follow me, in whichever way you can."

-

After they shot through the blizzard, Chann pretty much looked like an oversized marshmallow. Snow coated his body from head to toe.

They stopped at a bar. 'Døden'ㅡthe sign read: meaning 'Death'.

"Couldn't be more subtle?" suit guy who was actually named Clyde gave him a smile. 

"You know Old Norse?"

"Old Norse is easy. Try learning Chinese." suit guy (Chan would prefer calling him that) chuckled. "Oh, no. That wasn't a joke but, thanks." Chan removed his coat, hanging it near a heater. The water dripped down on a metal bucket beneath the coat rack. He proceeded inside the charmingly old-fashioned bar. Chan expected a very unrealistic setting but the place looked plain but real.

Illuminated only by the age-speckled bar lights, the bar curves into the room, dark in the barely lit room. Through the windows, trickles the sallow light of street-lamps. Somehow enough for the room to be well-lit.

The cabinet behind the counter was tiny but well-stocked with a variety of alcoholic drinks. Velvet chair lined up near the walls. Vinyl records and a few frames of abstract paintings hung at a small expanse of the wall.

The place seemed difficult to find. But when you do find it, you'll surely visit often.

Clyde ushered him to a bar stool. He was obviously the only customer there.

"The place is temporarily private." Chan glanced at Clyde who noticed his silent question.

"What can I get you tonight?"

"Just coffee, please." Clyde nodded politely and fixed up his order.

"So," Chan's voice trailed off as he stood up and walked about the place. "Where's your partner?" Misha (the wolf) disappeared as soon as they stepped in the building. "He's patrolling." Clyde replied nonchalantly.

"Okay. When do I get to talk to your boss?"

Clyde stopped and glanced at him for a second before going back to churning the coffee beans.

"The boss won't be back until tomorrow." That's the hard part. In Tromso, you can't tell if it's really 'tomorrow'. They're in the season where it's 3 months of winter without the sun.

Chan didn't argue. He can't complain about the slightest things if he were to talk to Clyde's boss. He's got to keep his chances high.

"Would you show me your workplace instead?" Chan sat back down in his seat. Clyde settled the coffee in front of the vampire, bowing after he did so. 

"It would be a pleasure."

-

"What's he doing in Norway?!" Seungmin's voice bellowed around the house. "The kids are sleeping. Settle down." Woojin hushed him.

"Bet he's trying to get some help from his connections." Woong said. He twirled a pen between his fingers.

"That's what worries me," Seungmin slumped on his chair.

"His connections are not good people." Woojin continued. Woong stayed quiet. Even he was convinced.

"You guys have any idea where he is in Norway?"

"Tromso." Woojin muttered. "He knows someone powerful from there."

"You mean someone dangerous!" Seungmin gritted his teeth in annoyance. "Okay okay. Let's not jump to conclusions," Woong tried to calm down his fellow witch. "Actually, that person is dangerous."

Woong blinked twice and threw the pen he was playing with, it landed in the drawer that opened and closed by his will. He plopped beside Seungmin at the sofa, gathering his hands together. "Okay, well, then let's jump to conclusions." he said.

"Who's this powerful person he knows? And how did you know about him?" Seungmin questioned.

"I'm not always in the mansion," Woojin looked far out the window. "I liked to go places. And Chan, he knew a lot of interesting places. Interesting," he saw how Seungmin raised an eyebrow at him through his peripheral vision. "And kinda dangerous people." he cautiously continued.

"Nothing bad has happened so far."

"But something did happen." the witch edged him. "Of course, it wasn't always 'hi nice to meet you i'm fine thank you and you goodbye'. We had a few scuffles."

Some nights, the two would arrive at the mansion with a few cuts and bruises. Their torn and dirty clothes are disposed of for no tracesㅡSeungmin recalled. Little do they know, he was lurking around the stairs giving them a death glare through his spell Chan almost noticed he was there.

"So you had date nights with Chan without the rest of us knowing?"

"You knew."

Seungmin guessed that Woojin would take the hint. He's the only one with a functioning brain cell within the group.

"Anyway, who is he meeting there?"

Woojin hummed. His head turned towards the stairs. "Hyunjin"

"Hyunjin? Why the hell would he meet Hyunjin-" Seungmin stopped midway as he glanced at where Woojin was looking.

"Come here."

Hyunjin felt like he was intruding. "It's fine."

The alpha smiled softly, gesturing to the wolf to sit beside him. "Nonsense. Come here."

As Hyunjin settled down, he looked at the two witches. They didn't mind at all. Probably because they’d have this conversation again once everyone is here so, one less person to explain to.

Woojin continued. "An arbiter."

"An arbiter of what?"

"Death."

"Chan needed some information that only they have." he continued.

Woong looked at Woojin and waited for him to say it was a joke. But, he didn't. "They still exist?" Woong was way more interested in this topic.

Woojin nodded at him. "They do. But, I'm afraid they won't last long. New recruits aren't coming in and their numbers have begu=n to decline. As of this century," he paused. "There are only about 100 of them."

"That's too little." Woong thinned his lips. Those numbers wouldn't even make it through a couple more decades."It is. The boss wanted Chan and me to work there before."

"Really?" Seungmin's eyes widened.

"Yeah," the alpha scratched the back of his head. "We lost a barter with one of their superiors." Woojin smiled recalling how he and Chan sprinted away from the scene just before they could seal the deal.

"Then what is that stinkfart doing back there?! He's gonna get himself killed!"

Woojin's face gloomed.

"Chances are... he's already dead."

The room went still.

Woojin straightened up and looked around. Panic sets in. "Wait what no! What I meant is he's already dead now."

"We got that." Hyunjin replied.

"No! He's a vampire, he's dead."

"So," Woojin looked at Woong enthusiastically. Encouraging him to continue. "You're joking?"

He threw his hands in the air. Obviously, he clowned them at the wrong time. "Yes! Yes I am!" he sighed. Geez. No one in this house appreciates his humor. He threw a reassuring eye around the room.

"He's fine. He knows what he's doing. Help will always come."

-

"A pure heart. That boy's valuable indeed." Woong leaned against the counter of his shop. "Plus, he's Chan's bondmate."

"Damn. So, he's basically a vampire minus the fangs, bloodsucking and other quirks." Woong exclaimed. He just summed up Jeongin as he is. "Where'd you find him?"

Seungmin turned his back on Woong, he lifted himself up the counter to sit down. "We didn't find him." he smiled, looking out at the few people running around outside in the dark moonlight. There are a couple of supernatural beings who dwell in the dark. And this must be the perfect place for them. "He found us."

"That's why she's after him." they heard Woojin's soft vocals from upstairs. After Woong's last statement, they stopped talking. Listening to Woojin serenading the midnight sky.

After a while, the voice stopped singing and they heard the stairs creaking. Jeongin appeared clutching his arm. "Seungmin."

The witch pushed himself off the counter, he smiled at the boy. "I'm off to bed, Woong."

"Alright. I'll turn off the lights and head up in a while. You guys have a good night."

Seungmin walked to Jeongin, linking his hand to his. They descended up the stairs and walked silently to their shared room. "Chan's still not here?" Jeongin sat down on the bottom part of the bunk bed, his gaze following the taller.

Seungmin placed his phone and keys on the desk near the window. "Did you answer your mom's calls?"

Jeongin nodded when Seungmin turned to him. "I did. I told her I'm on a trip with you guys and she just said okay. She didn't even ask about school."

The witch stared at the boy's muddled expression. It's like he had not the slightest of who he was. "Hey," Seungmin sat beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "She knows you're safe with us. And we kinda promised to protect you with our lives, so... that's kind of a thing now." Seungmin squeezed his shoulder. "We've only been gone for about 24 hours. School will be fine. I already talked to the vice president. He's gonna take over for a while. We'll figure something out about your situation in the morning." Jeongin finally broke into a smile. "Okay."

Afterwards, they settled down. Seungmin climbed up the second floor of the bunk bed, his actions rocking Jeongin below. "And about Chan. He'll be back soon. Don't worry about that old fart."

Jeongin hummed in response. The witch peered his head over the bed, he saw the boy's eyes flutter shut and before he knew it, Jeongin was in deep slumber. He flipped the light switch and the room was swallowed into darkness.

A few moments later, the door creaked open, letting a little light seep in.

"Oh hey. Can we talk?" Woojin smiled softly at Seungmin. He silently closed the door behind him, hoping not to wake up the young one. "Yeah." Seungmin hopped silently out of bed, walking towards Woojin who peered over the window. The witch waved his glowing hand. "I put up a spell so he won't hear us." the alpha nodded.

"Is this about Chan?" He said, now not in a whisper.

"No. I'm not even worried about him." Woojin chuckled. Seungmin looked at him intently. "Okay," he threw his hands up in defeat. "I'm a little worried. But, that's not why I wanted to talk to you."

The stars twinkled in the night sky, different beings roamed around the streets cheering, walking around and just enjoying the cold breeze. Woojin paused for a while, he knew Seungmin waited for him to continue.

The alpha turned to him, his eyes illuminating underneath the moonlight. Ah, today was a full moon. No wonder the witch felt so inferior. "You knew about Jeongin's past."

Seungmin shivered. The air suddenly became much colder. He looked behind him as he heard Jeongin shift underneath his blanket. "I did." he croaked. He was scared, he felt like his knees would give up at any second. Woojin's stare made it much harder for him to speak nor think. "Jeongin... isn't Jeongin."

He gathered his hands together. "His family is not really his real family."

Jeongin nodded, encouraging him to continue. "His mom found him in front of their doorstep. There was no letter. No evidence of who he was and why he was there. She just recently found out that he has a pure heart." by that he means; ‘I told her’. That's why she wasn't so worried about Jeongin's disappearance. Well, of course she's worried about him, he's still her son. But she's assured that the others will keep him safe.

"But, how does he look like them?" Seungmin pulled the chair under the desk and sat down. "A pure heart adapts. His face changes as he grows up, taking a few similarities from his adopted family." they both looked over Jeongin's head outside the blanket. "I just wished he didn't grow up with good people."

Woojin crossed his arms, tilting his head. Confusion evident on his face. "What do you mean?"

"Just like I said. A pure heart adapts. If his environment is good he grows up a good person and maintains his pure heart, a few mistakes and lies doesn't taint his heart. However, if it's from a not-so-good family situation,"

"He becomes a normal person." Woojin finished his words for him.

Seungmin sat still. Jeongin is normal. However, as he ages, more danger will arrive. A pure heart is rare. Once news breaks out about a pure heart existing in this century, everyone will try to get their hands on the boy.

"So," Woojin collected his thoughts. This information is like a nuclear bomb. "about him knowing that you and Woong were cursed,"

Seungmin looked up, meeting the alpha's painful eyes. "and the box easily unsealed after he touched it."

"It was not a coincidence." Woojin pieced their words together. "A pure heart has the ability to find out if a person is cursed. He/she also has the power to remove any seal or curse."

"Then why couldn't you still say anything about the expelled students? And," Woojin looked at him hopefully. "Changbin's curse?"

"Jeongin's powers are still hidden. The curse me and Woong have was given by the superiors of a strong witch academy. It's not that easy to remove. And Changbin's... he already accepted who he is. No one can undo it." Seungmin continued.

Woojin pondered on what Seungmin said about Changbin. He was right. Changbin has accepted who he is now. He had a rough time in doing it but eventually, he has no more regrets. Changbin didn't enjoy the abilities and all the plus points.

He enjoyed the company he met during those hard times.

"That being who's coming after us was after Jeongin." Seungmin gripped the sides of the chair, his fists turning white as anger boiled within him. "She already knows about him. We can't risk going back outside." but hiding like fugitives wasn’t the best option either.

Woojin took a closer step, he knelt down in front of Seungmin and touched his face. "Hey, it's okay. We're here. We won't let anything bad happen to him." the witch peered down to him.

He always had this dad figure mixed with a bit of mom and brother which sounds disgusting by the way. Anyway, the strength that holds them up was Woojin.

He's always calm and composed, which is needed most of the time when they're in a fiasco. His presence is so comforting yet he exudes so much power and superiority.

"I'd actually rather die of different causes rather than by an ancient vampire dude." Seungmin finally smiled. "Me too. Chan's scarier than any being in the universe."

They both stood up and the spell went away. "Tell me about it. Even death is afraid of him." Woojin whispered.

They stood there silently. "I don't think I can sleep now." Seungmin admitted. After the revelation, his energy was depleted but his thoughts ran around his head making it harder for him to rest.

They abruptly held their breaths, slowly turning to Jeongin. The boy had shuffled around his blanket but this time he woke and sat up. He blinked a few times, adjusting to two silhouettes against the moonlight. "Seungmin? Woojin?"

Woojin composed himself first and walked to his bed. He sat down near Jeongin's legs and smiled at him. "Sorry to wake you up, kid. We were just talking about Chan and how big of a dickhead he is."

Seungmin stood in front of Woojin. "And how we would rather die a torturous death than be killed by that nutcase." Woojin chuckled. "That too." he agreed.

"Count me in," Jeongin smiled softly.

He searched for his phone underneath his pillow and looked at the time. "I don't think I can sleep now." the boy didn't get any sleep for almost 24 hours. But he just couldn't rest until Chan's out there figuring things out on his own.

"Alright." Woojin stood up abruptly, smacking his head hard on the bed. "Fuck." he cursed. Seungmin snorted, while Jeongin flailed around asking if he was okay before breaking into soft giggles.

"Let's have a midnight snack downstairsㅡow." Woojin winced and wobbled as he walked out the door, spilling light into the room. Jeongin got up from bed, still stifling his laughter.

They trailed behind Woojin.

"And maybe an ice pack for your head."

[hornsbeforehalos]

Forever, Sweetheart: Part 2

Pairing: Rob Benedict x OFC, past Norman Reedus x OFC

Warning: Smut, Language, RPF, mentions of violence and sexual assault, mentions of miscarriage, recreational drug use (weed), drinking, Rated E for EXPLICT A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: Mingus and Ky talk about the baby in this chapter. If you have triggers regarding subjects such as infant loss, please be cautious. 

As per usual I mean no harm or offense to anyone referenced or mentioned. this is a work of FICTION and no all your favorite people will be your favorite people in this. They’re characters.

Please do not read this if you are under the age of 18. Please do not copy or steal this and put it somewhere else. I will find you.

I do not own anything related to Supernatural or The Walking Dead or any other shows mentioned in this work of fiction. I am not affiliated with AMC or CW in any way.

MASTERLIST

Tags: @coffee-obsessed-writer @sandlee44 @wildefiction @sorenmarie87 @through-thesilver-lining @runekisses @pink1031 @zelda2248 @kazzieglove @journeyrose @his-paradox @docharleythegeekqueen @beffyblueeyes  Please let me know if you want to be added to the list!

My eyes drifted open the next morning as my senses kicked in, the strong scent of coffee wafting through the small hotel room. I could hear Rob in the shower, the sound of him singing while washing himself coming from the bathroom and making me smile.

I let out a groan as my body stretched itself out, the stiffness in my shoulders making me roll my neck back and forth for a moment before I climbed out of bed. Walking past the mirror on the wall, I let out another groan, this time as I observed the giant rat’s nest that resided itself on my head from falling asleep with it wet.

Lovely way to start out the morning.

I heard the shower shut off and the curtain be pulled back as I sifted through my clothes for the weekend while sipping on the cup of coffee Robbie had set out for me, selecting a Gishwhes t-shirt from the pile as well as a pair of shorts. I was pulling my pajamas off as I heard Rob open the bathroom door, my butt bent over in his direction as I stepped into my denim shorts.  

A low whistle sounded as he pressed his denim-covered groin against my ass as I straightened myself, earning him a giggle from me as his fingers dug themselves into my waist when I turned around in his arms.

“Don’t even say a thing,” I grunted as I watched his eyes widen as he took in the state of my hair, “Not a God damned thing, Benedict.”

Rob chuckled but made the gesture of zipping his mouth, patting my butt before shaking his head as he released me to select a shirt for himself. I made my way into the bathroom after getting the rest of my clothes on, sighing deeply as I stared at the heap on my head.

It took twenty minutes and Rob’s help to get the shit to cooperate, and I was grateful when I was finally able to get it tied into braided pig-tails. I was just done pressing the false last eyelash to my lid when the Richard’s unmistakable rap sounded at the door.

I exited the bathroom as Rob pulled the door ajar to let Rich inside, the poor man already looking flustered.

“Kay, Mish is looking for you. He’s on the war path already.” Rich warned, raking his hand through his hair as he turned to Rob, “Me and you gotta skedaddle, buddy, Daniella is having issues with the sound check guy.”

“Jesus, okay,” Rob sighed, shaking his head again as he pulled a flannel over shirt on. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug before kissing me, “I guess duty calls, my love. I’ll come find you later?”

I nodded before giving him another kiss, waving to Rich as I watched them leave.

It took about thirty seconds before my phone’s ringtone blared. I slide the answer button across Misha’s face, putting it on speaker as I pulled on my converse.

“Whaaaat? I’m on my way, damn. Let me get my fuckin’ shoes on.”

“Hurry your ass, woman! Did you know Marvel people are here too?” Misha asked excitedly. I could tell he had already made his way downstairs to the green room from the noises in the background, Bri’s unmistakable laughter sounding through the phone, “Sebastian fucking Stan even!”

Giggling, I strapped my laptop bag around my shoulder and grabbed my phone, taking it off speaker and pressing it to my ear as I made sure I had everything, “You’re such a nerd. I’m on my way.”

Misha hung up the phone without a good bye, and I placed it in my back pocket as I headed down to the convention.

The majority of the day had been hectic yet uneventful, and it was easy to slip back into the routine of convention life. As I had expected, I didn’t get to see Rob for most of the day, save for a couple of seconds here and there in between dragging Misha from one area of the hotel to another. I had hoped to at least be able to have a moment to go to his panel with Rich and Matt, but Misha wanted me to make sure the Random Acts information desk had everything they needed. I was talking to one of the past Gish contestants when Mingus approached with a couple of his friends.

“Hey Ming!” I beamed at him after the girl left, rounding the corner of the table I was behind to wrap my arms around him, “Glad you could come.”

“This shit is so cool, Ky,” He smiled, folding his lanky limbs across my shoulders as I pulled away to look up at him, “I’ve never been able to actually walk around one of these types of conventions before.”

“It has his moments of being cool,” I chuckled, turning to see two the two guys that came with him staring at me. They both looked familiar, and I remembered seeing them from the time when Ming had stayed with me.

“You guys remember my step mom, Ky, right?” Ming introduced with a wide grin.

Rolling my eyes, I smacked him in the chest with the back of my hand, “I’m like 7 years older than you, dude, don’t call me that.”

“Whatever,” He chuckled, “This is Matt and Kyle. You got time to go with us to get some food?”

I pulled my phone out and checked the time, noting that Rob’s panel was going to be ending soon and he’d texted that he wanted to meet in the green room afterwards.

“I can’t really leave, but ya’ll can come to the back with me if you want, they’ve got hella food piled up back there for everyone.” I replied, placing my phone back in my pocket, “Jensen and Jared should be headed there soon, too.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Mingus nodded, watching as I gathered all my things before following me.

I pushed the door to the green room open so the four of us could enter, my eyes instantly finding Robbie perched on the side of the couch with my brother’s guitar, strumming the chords as Jensen hummed. He looked up to me as he felt my approach, his grin faltering slightly as he saw Mingus behind me.

“Mingus! Dude! What’s up?” Jensen said joyfully as he stood up to hug the kid, Jared following suit before moving so everyone could sit down.

I turned to face Rob as Mingus spoke with the others, not missing the glint in his eye as I slotted myself between his legs in front of the guitar. His eyes moved back to the instrument, and he thumbed a few chords before returning his attention to me.

“How was the panel?” I asked sweetly, running my fingers through the thick curls on top of his head. Rob stopped playing and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the scratch of my fingertips against his scalp.

“Mmmm, it was okay. Couple people asked about you.” He answered, his eyes opening and shifting up to look at me as I stopped my ministrations.

“Anything interesting?” I wondered out loud, watching as Jared and Jensen lead Ming and his friends over to the food table. I pulled the guitar from Rob’s grasp as I sat on the couch beside him, my fingers finding the frets effortlessly.

“Nah, just asking if you were going to start doing conventions again, how you were doing, stuff like that.” Rob replied, a smile on his face as he looked down at me playing, “If you were gonna sing with me tomorrow.”

I looked up at him knowingly, my lips pursed together in a straight line as I rolled my eyes at him and sighed through my nose, “Maybeeee.”

“Maybe means yes.” Rob snorted, his grin splitting his face into a  full blown smile, “What song are we gonna do?”

Shrugging, I looked down at the strings of the guitar, “I don’t know, probably just one ya’ll always do or something.”

“I’ll figure out the details and let you know, ‘kay?” He promised, his hand curling around my shoulders as he leaned down to kiss the top of my head. Glancing at his watch, he stood up, “I gotta get back out there, but I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Kay,” I replied, looking up at him as he leaned down again to kiss my lips, his hand cradling my head and stroking my cheek, “Love you, Rob.”

“Love you too, babe.” he replied before waving to the others, Jared and Mingus rejoining me with his friends as Rob and Rich left the room.

“Mingus said he could join us for dinner after karaoke,” Jared announced as him and Jensen squished themselves onto the couch next to me, tossing a wrapped sandwich my way, “We’re going to that one place we went last year.”

“Cool,” I smiled, letting Jensen take the guitar from me as I unwrapped the sandwich, my stomach growling loudly, “I’m glad you get to hang out, dude.”

“I’ve got the photo shoot tomorrow and I’ll be busy for the rest of the weekend, so I wanna see you as much as I can. We never get to hang out anymore.” Mingus stated, a sad tone to his voice as he took a sip of his drink, “I miss my super awesome cool step mom.”

“Stop calling me that!” I groaned, rolling my head back and huffing as everyone chuckled, “I’m not your step mom!”

“Anymore!” Ming contested before taking a bite of food, playful grin on his face.

“Not never!” I huffed, tossing a piece of lettuce at him, “So weird, dude.”

“I wish my step mom was as cool as you,” Kyle snorted from beside his friend, “Mine’s a cunt.”

“She’s not as cool as you think, kid,” Jensen chimed in, his hands instantly rising up to defend him against a flying piece of food.

Everyone laughed, and I shook my head at Mingus, “Doesn’t he have a new girlfriend or something anyway?”

“Eh. I mean not really I guess. I’ve seen him hang out with that chick Keagan a few times, and he was dating this one chick for a while, but I don’t know what happened to her.”

Nodding my head, the mention of Keagan’s name brought a flood of memories to the forefront of my mind. She’d been my friend, but had let Jeffrey manipulate her into being the reason for Norman and I’s separation. I had no ill will towards her, though, I was extremely over Norman and extremely happy with Rob, but I still wondered from time to time if things would have been different with the baby if she hadn’t done what she did.

Sensing the change in mood, Mingus pulled the subject away from his father, “We need to hang out when we get back to the states. I’m going to be spending the summer in LA with Matt.”

“I’m down dude, I just work all the time so you gotta let me know.”

“I’m sure we will get it all figured out,” Mingus grinned as the door to the room opened, Misha entering, looking rather stressed.

“Kylin! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” He urged, throwing his hands up into the air, “You gotta come to autos with me.”

“Uhhh, why?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him and tilting my head curiously, “There’s no reason for me to be there.”

“Because I said so,” Misha stated, his own eyebrow lifting itself, “Now come on.”

Sighing as I wrapped the uneaten portion of my sandwich back up, I turned to Mingus and the guys, “Sorry, my boss is a dick.”

Chuckling, Ming responded,” It’s fine, we gotta go meet my dad anyway for something with Ride, I’ll text you later for the dinner details.”

After telling them bye and showing them the quickest way to get to the exit, I followed Misha down a different hallway towards the autograph room.

“You know I wanted you to come with me so I could spend some time with you, right? You’ve been so busy, I’ve barely seen you.” Misha complained as he threw his arm around my shoulders.

“You’re the one that asked me for the help, dude,” I rasped as I wrapped my arm around his waist, “Runnin’ me ragged.”

“I know, I’m despicable” Misha chuckled, squeezing me close for a moment before releasing me as we neared the area, “I’ll give you a raise.”

“Ha. I doubt it.” I snorted, rolling my eyes and jabbing him in the gut with my finer as he held the door open for me.

I took my seat behind him as he got situated, pulling out my phone to scroll through social media while we waited for the fans to be allowed through. I had been tagged in numerous things on twitter and Instagram, and I ignored most of them as I usually did until one from Mingus caught my eye. He’d taken a selfie with him and his friends and Jared, with the caption ‘Supernatural in Rome, thanks step-mom!’ Followed by a winking emoji.

Stop fucking calling me that! I typed back in a comment quickly, adding a few laughing emojis myself as the room started to fill up. I pocketed my phone again and stood up, moving beside Misha to help the handlers take the tickets.

“Um, Kylin? Would you mind signing this too?” A woman asked shyly, about fifteen minutes into the session.

“Um, sure, I guess. What’s your name?” I replied, startled.

“Megan.”

I gave her a smile and signed the board she’d placed in front of us before handing the metallic marker back to her, “Here you go, Megan.”

“Thank you so much. It really means a lot. I’m sorry about what happened to you.” Megan smiled sadly at me, her eyes kind and gentle, “I lost a pregnancy myself not too long ago. I don’t know your whole story, but it was devastating for me.”

I could feel the crack in my chest try to reopen again as I gave her a small smile back, looking down at my hands before over at Misha, who wrapped his arm around me and kissed the crown of my head.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry for your loss as well. I don’t know where I’d be without my family.” I replied, my voice low in attempt to conceal the emotions threatening to bubble over. The girl got her hug from Misha and moved on, not realizing she’d broached a tender subject.

“You okay?” Misha asked as he watched me sit back down in the chair behind him, my arms crossing over my chest protectively.

“Yeah, I should’ve been expecting someone to talk about it.” I exhaled deeply, “I think I’m gonna go get a cigarette, okay?”

“Sounds good, after I’m done here I’ll meet you upstairs to figure out dinner plans before you leave for karaoke, yeah? I might just go with Ruth and Briana, Jensen and I are arguing today.”

“Just let me know, I’ll kick him in the nuts for you” I snorted, grabbing my purse and double checking I had everything I needed, “Grab my bag when you leave, please.”

“Got ya.” Misha replied with a wink, throwing a thumbs up in my direction as another fan approached and demanded his attention.

I found the side exit quickly, happy to be able to finally get some nicotine into my system. I exhaled the strong smoke as I scrolled through my phone again, trying to forget about the woman’s words. I jumped as the door I’d just came out of opened, but smiled upon seeing Rob crook his head around it, like he’d been looking for me.

“There you are,” He smirked, verifying my suspicions as he let the door close behind him. “You okay? Misha texted me that a fan had upset you.”

Letting one side of my mouth fall, I shrugged, “Not really, just threw me off guard I guess. I should have been expecting it though. It’s why I haven’t been coming to conventions.”

“I’m sure seeing Mingus doesn’t help either, huh?” Rob asked, leaning up against the wall next to me as I took another drag.

Shrugging again, I exhaled, “I mean he doesn’t really bother me, besides with the stupid step mom shit, but I don’t know. This woman decided it would be a good time to share her story with me, and... like I said, I don’t know.”

"I get it,” Rob nodded, reaching over to grasp my free hand, “I’ve had fans do that stupid shit too.”

He leaned his head over and onto my shoulder, chuckling as he said, “That step-mom stuff is definitely pretty weird.”

“Right?” I snorted, a smile breaking across my face that turned into a full blown laugh, “Kid is out of there, man. I’m so glad Calvin and Audrey aren’t like that.”

“That’s because they hate me.” Rob replied, the tone in his voice instantly shifting as he pushed himself off the wall to stand directly in front of me, our hands still entwined.

“They don’t hate you, Rob,” I argued, looking at him before taking another hit from the cigarette, exhaling quickly, “They’re going through a lot right now.”

“Feels like they hate me,” He mumbled, looking down at his feet and kicking at an imaginary rock, “They barely ever call me anymore.”

The kids had taken the divorce a lot worse than Rob had expected them to. Worse then I think they even expected to. They always knew the divorce was eminent, but their mom had them moved all the way to San Diego before the papers were even filed, making them leave behind everything they’d ever known. In their anger they blamed Rob, his inability to work things out with Mollie uprooting and destroying their whole lives.

“Hey,” I said, tugging on his arm to get his attention and make him look at me,  “They’ll come around, alright? Give it some time.”

He smiled weakly, pulling me to him to kiss my lips. I pulled away for a second to flick the butt of the cigarette into the parking lot before turning back to him and pressing my mouth against his.

Curling both my hands around Rob’s neck, I parted my lips to taste his tongue with mine, a soft encouraging noise coming from his throat as he tightened his grip on me. We kissed for a few moments, my skin growing heated under his touch as I moaned into his mouth before he pushed me back into the wall, the brick biting into the back of my thighs as he ground himself into me.

Panting when he finally pulled away, he rasped, “I love you, Sweetheart.”

“I love you too, babe.” I replied, small smile playing on my lips as I gazed up at him lovingly. “Forever.”

“Forever, Sweetheart.” He grinned before kissing me again.

After karaoke, Rob and I met up with the boys and Mingus, his friends having something else planned for that evening. Jensen and Misha were still arguing apparently, something Jensen ‘didn’t wanna talk about’, so he’d gone with Ruth and Bri and the rest of the band. 

We got a ride to the quiet restaurant the boys had been to the year before, the lighting low and music soft as we sat in the back corner and conversed between ourselves. Mingus was taking full advantage of the nonexistent drinking age, knocking back shots in between beers at a pace that would rival even his father’s.

“Mingus, you need some water or something?” Jared asked, concern lacing his voice as the boy finally started to sway back and forth.

“I’mmm...okay.” Mingus sighed, leaning his temple against my shoulder as he sat next to me.

“You sure?” I whispered, tilting my head to peer down at him. There was a sad look on his face, and I brushed a piece of his hair off of his forehead as his eyes met mine for a moment. There was definitely an emptiness there, and my heart broke for him. Poor kid was probably still in the grieving process himself.

“Mind if I bum a cigarette from you?” He asked lowly, up-righting himself on the seat, “I think I need some air.”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you.” I replied gently, giving him a small smile as I watched him stand up. He steadied himself by gripping the table, a goofy grin on his face suddenly as the alcohol started moving through his body again.

Shaking my head with a small chuckle, I turned to Robbie on the other side of me and excused myself, kissing him on the cheek and reassuring him I’d be okay. I looped my arm into Mingus’ elbow, my own slight intoxication making me lightheaded. We exited the building and turned down the narrow alleyway beside it, finding the small private smoking area dimmly lit by a street lamp down the way. Leaning against the cool brick, I passed Mingus a cigarette from my pack before placing my own between my lips and lighting it.

“You alright?” I drawled cautiously, my eyes scanning him as he looked down at his feet.

He stayed silent for a few moments, his eyes never leaving the ground before a silent tear rolled down his cheek, barely visible in the lighting.

“Hey, sweetie, you’re okay,” I instantly soothed, reaching my hand out for his and pulling him to me. His long limbs encased my shoulders, a muffled sob retching through him as he pushed his face into my hair.

“Shhhh, Ming, it’s alright,” I cooed, rubbing his back with my free hand as I flicked the accumulated ashes with the other, “Come on, let’s sit.”

I pulled away from him and tugged him towards a nearby bench, making him sit beside me as I helped him wipe his tears away while his breathing slowed.

“Sorry, Ky,” Mingus rasped, his voice still cracking with emotion, “It’s just…this year has sucked so fuckin’ much for me.”

Nodding my head as I exhaled smoke from the drag I’d finally taken, I placed my hand in his, “I know, babe. It’s been hard for everyone.”

“I have dreams about him, you know? Nax. I see him.” He mumbled, his words slightly slurred.

“I do too. Except I won’t ever know for sure if it’s really him I see.” I replied, my own voice shaking as I fought back the tears that were threatening to spring forth.

“What do you mean?” Ming asked, his brows furrowing in confusion. “Dad didn’t show you a picture?”

Shaking my head, I brought the cigarette to my lips for the last time before tossing it, “He never talked to me after the day I woke up. There were no pictures taken of him that I know of.”

“What a dick, are you fuckin’ serious?” Mingus cursed, swaying to the side slightly as he shifted to pull his phone out. Before unlocking the screen, he looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine, “Do you want to see?”

Nervousness pin pricked throughout my bloodstream, stinging my skin as my stomach dropped. I couldn’t stop the moisture from rolling down my cheeks, a sob gasping from me as I nodded my head.

It had been over a year, and I never once had seen a picture of my son.

Exhaling sharply, Ming sniffled before wiping his nose. He unlocked the phone and scrolled for a second. Finding what he was looking for brought a small smile to his face, his watery eyes looking up at me before asking, “You sure?”

Nodding again, I held my breathe, closing my eyes for a second while he turned the phone around. When I opened them again, I was peering into the most beautiful blue eyes of the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

My chest cracked open as a sob wracked through me again, but it was accompanied by a smile spreading across my lips as I took the phone from him. Lucian’s perfect face was was right there, looking up at me. I noted the nasal tube that curled around his cheek, the only thing besides his obvious size that made him appear any form of weak. My shaking fingertips drifted over the screen, tracing the lines of his little nose and lips. I felt strong arms wrap themselves around me from behind, the scent of my brother encasing me instantly. I’d been too absorbed in staring at my son that I hadn’t even heard him and the others approach.

“He was beautiful, sissy,” Jensen croaked, eyelids blinking back tears as I turned around to look up at him, “Just like you.”

Sniffling as I attempted to compose myself, I handed the phone back to Mingus, prying my eyes away from the little thing on the screen.

“Thank you, Ming. Can you please send it to me?” I sniffled, exhaling the tension from me as foot steps could be heard approaching.

I turned my head to see Norman’s silhouette, the looming figure unmistakable.

“You alright, kiddo?” He rasped, his voice husky as he took in the sullen expressions on our faces.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Mingus snapped, pulling hisself unsteadily to his feet.

“I sent him a text when ya’ll hadn’t come inside for a bit. Figured you needed a ride,” Jared spoke, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

“I’m fine.” Mingus spat, glaring at his father, “I’m so fucking pissed at you, dude.”

“What the hell did I do?” Norman questioned, confusion twisting his face.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Dad, huh? You were so wrapped up in your own asshole that you couldn’t even let her have a fuckin’ picture of her child!?” The boy’s towering figure stepped into Normans personal space, his chest puffed out in fury, “Not only did you fucking blame her, you couldn’t even give her closure for that? And you never fucking told me?”

Mingus shoved his father back, Norman stumbling before catching himself before he could fall. Jared instantly shot his hand out to Mingus’ chest as the boy attempted to advance again, rage flicking in Mingus’ pupils and encasing his irises.

“Enough, Ming,” I begged, my hand wrapping around his wrist and pulling as Jared and Jensen placed a barrier between the son and the father. I could see Rob helping Norman to his feet over their shoulders, hushed words with a sharp tone being spoken between the two.

“Fuck you, Dad, seriously. I hate you!” Mingus continued, fighting against the bodies surrounding him, “I fucking hate you.”

“Ming, you don’t mean that.” I argued, continuing to tug on his arm until he looked at me, “Come on, I’ll get you back to your mom’s hotel.”

I turned to lead him towards the parking lot, when I heard Norman’s voice call out to me.

“Just know I’m sorry, Whiskey.”

[sheisbornadreamer]

Blend in, chapter ten

...chapter ten?!

WARNINGS: No fluff in this chapter whatsoever, not even any cold-hearted intercourse alright, so just wipe all of those expectations away. There you go :) Plus this chapter is very short. And I suck.

Sorry.

But! Hopefully, a lot of things will get cleared up :)

...just read!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Saturday, 10.48 AM Tachikawa's residence

"-and I bought these two jeans -aren't they gorgeous- y'know the assistant said I look just like Misha Barton, hah I wish but whatever I mean her BMI is totally anorexic and that's great and all if you wanna like, die, though you can't deny that she's freakin gorgeous I'd totally die for those legs wouldn't you -look aren't they cute!"

"Mmh," Sora's eyes submissively fell on the jeans covering her friend's legs, but her mind couldn't tear itself away from her new full-time dilemma. This was hardly ever a problem for the two; to Mimi Sora was merely a mirror -or a wall, rather. She didn't interrupt, but she didn't respond with any interest whatsoever. Except perhaps for the actual changing.

Mimi kept chatting, modelling her new clothes and checking her reflection in the mirror. Sora's eyes kept resting on her legs -covered in denim, half covered by a pastel skirt, or not covered at all. She had legs to kill for; always perfectly tanned, constantly hairless and never-ending. Legs of another species that yet remained the ideal for all the poor girls with earthly legs. Thankfully, Sora had stopped comparing herself to her best friend a long time ago, figuring that it was no use.

"So are you actually gonna talk to me about what's causing that creepy absence I've seen in you lately?"

It wasn't the actual words that pulled her out of trance; it was the tone. The skip from high-pitched excited girl-chatter, to worried sentimental adult mom -tone wouldn't pass anyone.

Sora reacted quickly enough to catch the question, and she bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered an answer. Bringing Mimi into the problem was like letting someone else help you with a card castle you're halfway through, but stuck with and too shaky to continue. A bit down the road -which might as well be the goddamn wrong one- she didn't want to risk starting all over again. If Mimi managed to confuse the hell out of her -which rather commonly happened; she was freakishly alike Taichi in that way- Sora would lose the tiny bit of sense she'd made out so far. And dammit, that took a long time to make!

'Sides, there's was no way she'd be able to explain this complicated story with sustained patience -and that was very necessary for it to be understandable.

Having that thought through, she forced herself to look at it logically. Voicing her reasoning would simply clear it up, not destroy it. Who knows, Mimi might see something that Sora, as partly involved in the whole thing, was incapable of. In all honesty, Mimi's train of thought probably ran closer two Taichi's -maybe Yamato's too.

So why not?

"Taichi and Yamato," she uttered, not knowing where to start.

The currently halfnaked teen threw her arms out. "Yeah, well duh. So was that rumor true?"

"Well now it is. I kinda it woke up some sort of attraction, or feelings or just fucking madness in Blondie, and Tai pushed his luck some and now they're shagging like rabbits while Yamato is brainwashing him."

There was a brief silence where Sora's stubborn self mentally said 'I told you so'.

"That didn't make much sense coming from someone who's usually very pedagogic."

Sora managed to smile, somewhat relieved by the refreshing view of Mimi laughing. In comparison, she felt old and worn-out. Why the football-player even allowed something that hardly concerned her get to her like this, she didn't know. Sora sighed, deciding to throw everything out of her skull for the other girl to sort out.

She comforted herself with the knowledge that, when it came down to gossip, Mimi had all the patience in the world. She started talking, trying to stay as objective as possible. Naturally, it was near impossible with Mimi's repeated gasps and questions and other interrupting sounds that she seemingly thought were necessary to show Sora that she really listened. Letting herself get stressed up by this, Sora ended up giving her the completely wrong idea. This was obvious when Mimi summed the whole thing up.

-'-

"Okay so if I've got this straight, Yamato-kun was stupid enough to talk loudly and about their after-school activity, with so many split signals that everyone mistook him for being gay, and then he freaked out and started fighting Taichi-kun for no reason. Then they shag in the school's bathroom and start bitching when you try to save them from being caught-"

"No, no, no" Sora interrupted, sighed and held up a hand when the honey-eyed girl gave her a confused look. "No, I'm sorry, I'm giving you the wrong idea here. I guess I'm just so fed up with Yamato -well, Taichi too- that I make it their fault. Just please let me take my time, so that I can do this right."

If it weren't for the fact that they had worked this through once, Mimi would've taken Sora's request -if she even took it in- the wrong way, and jumped to conclusions. But the brunet's way of rushing and misleading had in the past bothered Sora to the point that she had talked to her about it. Mimi had finally understood the problem and promised to improve -when she actually remembered. Now, Sora could simply remind her and she'd be back on track with no hard feelings. This was one of the improvements they'd been forced to accomplish since that time when their lives took a slight turn.

"Sorry" Mimi said with a small laugh, rolling her eyes at herself. Sora smiled back, but shortly looked away to be able to continue. This was important.

Mimi staid amazingly quiet through Sora's second try of revealing Taichi and Yamato's story, and when she later summarized it to see if she'd got it right this time, Sora was introduced with a new point of view that made ten times more sense. Sure, Mimi was perhaps a little too romantic and naïve, but hearing everything from Sora who's the total opposite, she balanced it up, filled out the gaps and straightened all those things that had been invisible to the redhead.

"...so when Yamato's finally fed up with Taichi's immature behavior and mocking, he snaps and comes out and tells him-"

"-yeah, probably during that detention-"

"-or after they'd escaped. You know you're not supposed to talk during detention."

"Right"

"And Tai just... finally gets it?"

"He's not dumb. Not when it comes to Yamato; he's like a living lexicon."

"Not now though..."

"Stick to the subject!"

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

"So Taichi agrees to back off, and overdoes it to make Yamato miss him-"

"He really did, it showed. So yeah, Yamato misses him and finally asks him out!"

"...what?"

Sora hesitated. "Well, no... but it was so cute!" She grinned. "You were there, or at least after that. That Friday we went and saw The Holiday-"

"Yeah! Oh, Jude Law is so hot..."

"Hey!"

"For a guy at least."

"Heh. So they hang out Friday night, and there's surely tons of sexual tension and then they screw each other."

"It's called making love."

Sora snorted, causing Mimi to scowl even more. Which in turn caused Sora to grin wide. "Yeah, yeah, they make sweet love to each other. Yamato did want to though; he wasn't drunk or anything, just seduced. But he regrets it the next morning, throws Taichi out and asks me to come over. God, he was so messed up." Sora blinked, regaining the sympathy she'd felt for him that day.

"And then you leave, and... did they talk after that?"

"No idea. Maybe."

"They were even more awkward the Monday after that right?"

"Yep. And..." Sora frowned -ignoring Mimi's whining about wrinkles- trying to recall what else happened that day. "Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering. "That was when he hit him!"

"Ah." Mimi complied, also recalling that from Sora's story.

"I think Yamato was avoiding him, and Taichi got a bit annoyed I remember -he snapped a few times at me that day when I asked where Yamato was. Then boom! When I went to my locker at the end of the day Taichi's lying on the floor clutching his jaw and Yamato's a whiter shade of pale."

"And then they just forgive each other" Mimi filled in, smiling because she knew how much it had puzzled the redhead. "And they walk out together"

"Right, and this is the weird afternoon thing Tai told me about, when Yamato had nursed him and then took of as if a Scream-dude were chasing him-"

"-which confused the hell out of Taichi"

"Yup. Next day?"

"The avoiding-day. Yamato's fallen off the face of earth"

"Taichi's whining like never before-"

"And boom!"

"They make sweet tender love with each other," Sora teases.

Mimi shakes her head determinedly. "Nope. That's screwing. Calling it lovemaking would be an insult."

"Tai is walking on clouds."

"Yamato still avoids you guys."

"And here's where things gets really fucked up. Taichi becomes his personal slave, and Yamato has him all brainwashed."

"Taichi starts his too-happy gimmick -which, mind you, is a total give-away - and covers his master by constantly distracting you and himself."

"Gah, it's tiring just thinking about it..." Sora muttered, rubbing her eyes.

"Poor baby."

She stuck her tongue out in reply. "I'm up to here with his stupid jokes. And you know he actually talked about girls at one time!"

"So maybe he's bi?" Mimi offered, not seeing the issue.

"Fine, maybe he is. Doubt it though." Sora added, crossing her arms sullenly.

"Oh, come on! He's talked about girls plenty of times, and hasn't he even gone out with a few?"

Sora gave her a long look. "You believed that?"

Mimi shrugged. "Gotta give him some credit."

Sora snorted, then remembered the other ironic thing. "He also tried making me talk about guys!" she announced, sending the other teen a challenging gaze, as if daring her to brush that off just as easily.

A grin slowly spread over the other female's face, and the next second they were laughing their heads off.

"Okay, okay..." Sora eventually gasped between laughs, "We're loosing focus here."

Mimi nodded in agree, picking up where they left off. "This is the tricky part. You solve it by saying that Yamato's simply turned into a maniac all of a sudden,"

"Well he did! I mean first he's like 'no, I don't like him, don't like him' when he actually does and slips up when Tai decides to be all over him. That I can understand, but this on the other hand is madness!"

"Okay, don't hurt yourself. What's the reason Yamato has denied his feelings from the very start?"

Sora shrugged. "The gossip. He worries too much about other people's opinions."

"Right, and that's why he doesn't want Taichi to tell anyone."

"Yeah, well that I get-"

"So he uses the power of sex to keep Taichi quiet. No secret -no sex"

Sora threw her arms out impatiently. "Sure, that's-"

"-and if he would be the slightest bit of friendly, Taichi wouldn't take it that seriously." Mimi quickly pointed out.

"But I don't understand why he can't even kiss him!" Sora exclaimed, half aware that she was sounding like a little kid saying 'it's not fair!'

Dammit, it wasn't fair.

"I mean if this is a power method then he should reward him or lure him with-"

"Kisses?" Mimi filled in, raising perfect eyebrows.

"Tai's a kissing type of guy."

Sora couldn't help but wallowing in the irony. In one of her and Taichi's uncommonly intimate conversations the boy had admitted that he'd choose kissing over sex any day. On the other hand, by that time he was eleven and didn't know one bit about sex -not that much about kissing either. But Sora had a feeling this hasn't changed. She'd never heard him utter this ever since though, maybe -just maybe- because Sora had happily used this knowledge to throw in his face whenever she had the chance.

"I take your word for it" Mimi promised, knowing how close the two where. They probably told each other everything -or at least used to. She hesitated, catching the sudden sad look in her friend's eyes.

"...maybe Yamato doesn't find it that necessary, considering that Taichi's still under his spell -with or without kisses."

"Mm." Sora sighed, resting her forehead in her palm. "I know what you're saying, it's probably not that weird, but I mean even though it's just sex there should still be some sort of... okay, let's just say that Yamato's only interested in Taichi because he's a guy and close at hand. Wouldn't he still be interested in doing things to him? Doesn't have to be any feelings in that. And what about this control-thing? How fun is it to sneak around with someone, when you can't even let go while you're alone?"

Mimi remained quiet. She shook her head and sighed. "I don't know."

"Taichi didn't tell me a lot when I interrogated him, but what I did find out was that Yamato rushed through it, afraid to be caught by his dad -that's not blameable-, forbade kissing, never did anything to Tai, let Tai be the top-"

"That I find a bit weird." Mimi spoke up, pursing her lips as she pondered different possibilities.

"...maybe it's easier getting fucked by someone you hardly care about, than shoving your dick into someone you don't have feelings for." Sora suggested, wrinkling her nose slightly at her own words.

Mimi nodded thoughtfully, snickering a little when their eyes met. "Who would've thought we'd be discussing the mystery of sex between men?"

Sora chuckled, shaking her head. "Especially those two, who's been nothing but friends until now."

They were both quiet for a while.

"Alright," Sora sighed, breaking the tense silence. "Have we made any sense so far?"

"Sure, Blondie's afraid of the school finding out, of his dad finding out, of anyone finding out-"

"But what about the bathroom make-out?" Sora remarked, holding up a finger.

"Um... he's gay?" Mimi retorted, raising an eyebrow.

Sora bit her lip. "Yeah, but-"

"He's never had a girlfriend, probably never been interested in anyone and suddenly he's kissing someone and actually feels something, I mean he must've had a total black-out! After all, he's only human"

Sora surrendered, holding up her hands. "Okay, point taken"

"And all the avoiding was probably just to stop more rumors, and y'know, he's awkward around Tai because he's sexually attracted to him. And also because Taichi is too indiscreet."

Sora leaned back, smiling at the brunet. "This really is your area, huh?"

She was answered with a cheeky grin. "Sure is. And," she continued, finally realizing that she was still standing up and sat down on her bed beside Sora, crossing her legs. "I think the night before he really started to avoid you, was when he came out to himself!" She threw her arms out happily and Sora laughed. "He was like 'ok fine, I like guys. Now who should I have gay-sex with? Ah, here's my loyal friend who's open-minded slash gay as well, this'll be easy. But oh no! No one can find out! I know: I'll avoid him at school, and then I drag him home, make him my bitch and I have free afternoon sex everyday with no one bashing me!'"

"He's such a jerk." Sora grumbled. "I can't believe he actually pulls through it, I mean they used to be friends! Really good friends"

"Yeah, but he does avoid doing things that would make him feel guilty. If he'd use tricks and like pretended to care about him it would make him a bigger jerk. And he avoids him so he's not around to see how screwed up Taichi's become of this. And," she emphasized, catching the redhead's attention, "if he'd be the top, it would almost make this rape. He's planned this."

Sora stared at her, lost in that thought. "So..." she started hesitatingly, after what seemed like a small eternity. "There's still a small chance of him being human?"

Mimi tilted her head, eyelashes jumping as her gaze flicked around the room. For a moment her expression told Sora that she'd soon have the solution, but then the wise look was replaced by a playful glint. "Let's just say that, for now. Yamato still cares about Taichi, and the part of him that's not filled with hormones is full of shame and regret."

Sora, somewhat past the disappointment of not getting the answer to everything, nodded, accepting the theory. "Right."

"So just imagine being in his shoes; how freaking easy would it be to talk to your best friend that you're just using for your own pleasure? Or kiss? Being the one who fucks him, it... would just be too wrong. Or rather too obvious that it's wrong. Plus there's no wonder he's tense, and stressed and easily annoyed, and cold. He must hate himself!"

Sora held her hands up, chuckling. Mimi was getting a bit too into this. That girl watched way too many soap operas. "You're right, never thought I'd say this but it makes sense. But, if it's so clear that no feelings are involved, why don't they just enjoy it? As he's stated enough times, Tai only wants sex, and he's okay with Matt only wanting that too. So why would Matt feel guilty when he knows that it's not personal?"

Mimi shrugged. "Because they've fought so much, maybe, and it's still a bit weird screwing as friends."

"But they're not friends anymore" Sora commented, raising an eyebrow. Somehow she enjoyed criticizing her friend's casual reasoning.

"Like I said, if Yamato still cares about Taichi so it must feel wrong having such a platonic relationship"

"But Tai doesn't mind it, so there's no harm done"

"Right, but since they're not communicating -as I'm assuming, Yamato doesn't know how Taichi feels about this and hates himself in case he's hurting him and has to act cold not to break down and so they can't communicate and work things out and they'll just continue this. It's an evil circle." Mimi gestured enthusiastically.

Sora's eyes narrowed as she pondered the argument, not wanting to give in but she pretty much had to, didn't she? Mimi might be wrong, but she sure couldn't come up with anything better at the moment. Plus that evil circle thing really took a lot from her energy to continue this. Sora threw her hands up, deciding that this just wasn't her territory.

"Touché!" she called out, face breaking into a grin as the other girl threw her arms up victoriously.

"Now let's go shopping!" Mimi demanded happily, dragging Sora up from the bed and started skipping out of the room, grabbing her purse on the way.

"Wha..? I thought you've already went shopping?" Sora stuttered as she was dragged down the stairs, desperately trying to keep up with the steps.

"Well yeah for me, but we're shopping for you now!" the other girl replied perkily. She stopped at bottom and turned around, causing the slightly dizzy redhead to crash into her. Mimi pushed the other girl's shoulders an arms length away, locking determined eyes with distracted ones. "We're going shopping, and you're not going to puzzle Dumb & Dumber's problem -which by the way doesn't even involve you- one more time, got it?"

Whether she would keep that up or not, Sora was fully aware of that Mimi accepted no other answer than yes. Thus, she saluted.

"Yes ma'am"

As they walked out the door arm in arm, Sora sincerely hoped that she would keep that promise.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

will be continued.

[wulfrann]

The Hero & The Villain - Prologue

Original Work

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Story Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence & Major Character Death

Category: F/F, M/M

Characters: Misha 'The Hero' Malenkov, Cordelia 'The Restrainer' Kasabian, Nataly Faukner, Deb, Andy, Will, Danton, Tina, Idir, Liêm, Ginette Dubois, Amaal Al-Amin

Additional Tags: Superheroes, Supervillains, Superpowers, Science-fiction, Anti-hero, Anti-villain, Emotional Isolation, Found Family, Self-destructive Behaviors, POV Alternating, Multiple Endings

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of violence - Surgery - Body Modifications - Alcohol

[Chapter 1 out of 7 - 3 212 words - Posted 2019-01-04]

Story Summary:

Once again, the Hero had saved the day. She had smashed Chaos down, right through the macadam of the street, and now order could reign again. Until the next villain came, and it would start all over again.

The Hero lives to destroy evil, and hopefully herself in the process. The Restrainer perpetrates evil to take care of her family. This is the story of the confrontation that took one of them out - or both.

(Also posted on RoyalRoad.)

Read it on Ao3 or right here under the cut.

Chapter Notes:

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to a 20biteen filled with peace, growth and all the healing you need.

This all started from a tumblr prompt, and tumbled down the hill of inspiration to become this monster you are now presented with. The themes are heavy, but the story is, hopefully, interesting - as for the ending, you get to keep the one you like best. Aren't I generous?

As always, a huge thank you to my precious friends and amazing (though unofficial) betas @nichanana​, @madeshika, @cupcakeofcrowns and @aoquesth. You all are the best and I would probably never post anything if it weren't for your support and comments.

Chapter 1: Prologue

Once again, the Hero saved the day. She had smashed Chaos down, right through the macadam of the street, and now order could reign again.

Her breaths came hard through her battered body, exiting her mouth tinted with the taste of blood. Drops of it dripped from her knuckles, knees, her cheek, her flank. She hated projectiles. Hated it when she couldn’t focus solely on reaching the villain and had to take too many other elements into account. She wasn’t as good in defense as she was in attack and it showed, especially with Chaos. Big scraps of ground, rocks, cars - everything had swirled and swung and soared. She was nothing if not one big throbbing pain - but the Hero was still standing, and Chaos was dead, and order would reign again.

Until the next villain came, and it would start all over again.

*

Sounds were coming back to her ears. Cries, cheers and the distinct flashes of the press. The Hero straightened her back. Looking like a winner - a savior -, the Hero gave the gathering crowd a solid smile for them to hold onto. They screamed and laughed and cried and the Hero stood in a plain of debris. Then the flock of journalists swooped on her, and the Hero smiled and smiled and talked, and the journalists asked and asked and fought, and when the questions became barbs the Hero pushed on through.

She flew off. The crowd on the ground gasping as one was the last thing she heard before wind filled her ears. She flew for a long time, too broken to speed through. She could feel the tissues starting to grow and mend and scar, and the blood stopping to drip. It itched terribly every time.

When she came home, she was greeted by silence. It almost felt off, this emptiness, but she remembered then and shrugged it through. She peeled her mask off in the equipment room, and walked on to the repair room before she stepped out of her suit. The material was solid, but it was not armor, and she would have to stitch it up before giving it a good wash. Speaking of a good wash… she left her suit next to the sewing machine, shuffling around in her underwear to the bathroom. She took a long, scalding shower, letting the water flow until it didn’t came down red, or dirty, or with piss. She was the only one to ever use that shower - if she was too tired to prevent herself from peeing right now instead of later in the toilet, no one would mind.

Once she was all dry and dressed, she poured herself a large glass of water. She gulped it down, then downed three more of them. When that was done she started to stretch, battling hard not to wince at every pull and flex and twist. It was a painful half an hour before she could finally eat something. She made meat, a lot of it, with vegetables and a big glass of milk. She did the dishes. She sat on the couch and ate an apple. She sewed her suit back up and put it in the washing machine. She brushed her teeth. She did not look at her phone. She went to sleep.

"Mom! I’m leaving!”

“Have fun at school!” Cordelia shouted from the lab and into the intercom, careful not to let her eyes wander away from the operation she was conducting. Surgery and transplant on the ocular system was always delicate - the one she was trying to achieve was more than that. One tiny fraction of a millimeter off and Danton could not only lose his left eye, but half of his face and probably his life as well. Cordelia was confident she could do it, as long as no one and nothing decided to chip at her concentration and distract her. She was the best surgeon to have ever surged, after all.

A few hours after Deb’s departure - and eleven and a half since the beginning of the operation -, Cordelia was done. She moved the camerarm (a robotic arm with a built-in camera of her invention that she used for particularly delicate or small-level interventions) away from Danton’s eye with extreme caution, then rolled it to the sanitizing room where it would be cleaned with a thoroughness no health facility could yet achieve. She rolled the rest of the equipment back in its place and away from the bed, which she pushed through the automatic door of the operating room. On her way to the resting room, she flicked the switch from a red OPERATION IN PROGRESS, DO NOT DISTURB to a green DONE, PLEASE CLEAN. The message was displayed in every room of the mansion, and on every device belonging to a resident. For those on cleaning duty, it would even come with instructions. Cordelia was pragmatic like that.

Once Danton’s bed was settled and Danton himself was connected to the monitors, Cordelia fished her phone out of her pocket. She typed a short message.

[To: William] I put him in room 05. He should wake up in about an hour.

She checked every screen and digits one last time to make sure it was as safe as could be, then hit send and left the room.

*

She was almost done with the pasta a la carbonara when her alarm went off. Danton was starting to wake up.

She texted Andy to come season the sauce and make sure lunch would be ready in half an hour, and was off. She ran down the flight of stairs to the underground floor, ecstatic and worried all at once. She really hoped the operation had worked. She stripped quickly and stepped into the sanitizing airlock, where she dressed back up into her surgeon clothes as the sanitizor did its work. When the screen on the right wall of the airlock declared she was clean, Cordelia was free to step out and half-run to Danton’s room.

William was here, of course, looking at a slightly stirring Danton with concern etched in every line of his body, craving but not daring to take his hand. He glanced up at Cordelia when the door slided open, and managed a small smile. Cordelia hoped the one she flashed back was as reassuring as she wanted it to be.

Then Danton made a feeble sound, and Cordelia stepped further into the room. She checked the monitors: everything was good. He was waking up normally, slowly, and with his regular heart rate. He didn’t seem in pain, either. William gasped, and Cordelia almost asked him why before she saw that it was just Danton gripping his hand. Somehow, in semi-consciousness, he had still managed to find it. It was Danton’s turn to gasp, then, and Cordelia turned to him.

“Breathe, Danton. Danton, it’s me, Cordelia. Breathe. I’m with William,” she said, stroking his mess of a hair. She glanced at the monitors. Still nothing. “Everything’s fine. Just breathe. You’re home, in the resting room, after your operation. Do you remember?”

Danton’s breathing slowed. His body relaxed back down, and his eye fluttered open. He fixed his eyes first on the ceiling, then Cordelia. Carefully, he nodded. Cordelia smiled.

“Good. Don’t talk yet, just breathe. You have to drink some water first,” she said, and as she did so turned to grab the glass of water she had prepared on the nightstand. “Will, can you make him sit up, please?”

William startled away from Danton’s face, and immediately bent down to push one of many buttons linked to the many functions of the bed. With very low speed, so as not to frighten or strain the patient, the first fifth of the bed raised Danton up in a sitting position. He was still holding William’s hand, and Cordelia had to touch his shoulder to make him look away from William long enough to drink the whole glass.

“How long,” he croaked at her, and Cordelia made him drink another full glass.

“About twelve and a half hours,” she said when he was done, and he nodded.

“How are you feeling?” Will asked, brows furrowed.

Danton smiled at him. “I’m fine. Missed you.”

“Missed you too,” he said back with a tremor and a smile.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, but let them have their moment. The operation hadn’t been without risks, and she could understand the emotion - she herself was being washed over by a wave of relief. And she remembered love, too; she remembered caring for someone so strongly she had feared it would break her. She remembered the meetings of eyes that shut everything else away from them, remembered holding hands like a lifeline. She remembered how intense it could be, and so she let them forget she was here, for a time. Then she clapped.

They both jumped. She grinned.

“Alright! Now let’s see what this eye can do. May I take a look at it?” she asked, and Danton nodded, letting go of William’s hand. She gestured for Danton to lie down against the mattress and scooted her chair closer to the bed. The eye looked good. Normal, or at least somewhat close to it. The pupil looked reactive, and bigger, as it occupied the space that the iris previously had. It didn’t look much different than if Danton’s iris hd been black, except that it shrank and extended depending on the light, like any normal pupil did. The eyelids were gone - she hadn’t had a choice.

“Well, this looks good,” she said, and patted Danton’s shoulder. “How well can you see with it?”

He blinked his right eye, looked around, squinted, then shut his right eye closed.

“P- Pretty good, actually. Better than with the other one, and much better than before. It… it does feel kinda weird though.”

“How weird?”

He frowned and shook his head, visibly troubled. “I don’t know, like… enhanced, or something. Saturated, but not just the colors, it’s everything. And it kind of hurts, too, but I’m guessing that’s normal.”

Cordelia nodded, smiling. “It’s all normal, really. The change is a lot to take in, and you’re going to have to get used to it before you can really deploy its full potential… Do you want something for the pain?”

“Oh, okay, cool, and uh, no thanks. I’m good,” he said, not really paying attention but looking around instead. “This is really cool.”

Cordelia smirked. “Wait until you try the coolest part.” Both William and Danton turned to look at her, a question in their look. She wiggled her eyebrows. “You can actually shoot laser with it.”

“What?” they said, then looked at each other.

“This is so cool, ” Danton whooped, at the same time that William said: “That’s terrifying.”

Cordelia grinned, pleased by both of their reactions. “Isn’t it great? You’ll have to learn how to use it first, but once that’s done you’re going to be amazing. And it’s perfectly safe, too,” she added, looking at Will. He seemed dubious, but Danton was excited enough for the two of them. “Wanna try it?”

He looked at her like she was giving him the best of gifts. “Can I?”

“Just look to the ceiling, and think about it. I built it like a muscle, so if your brain sends the command, your eye should respond.”

Danton did as she said. He looked up, frowning - and a ray of laser shot to the ceiling, not leaving so much as a trace on the surface. That all walls should be laser-proof was a doctrine of Cordelia she was particularly proud of.

Will and Danton gaped at her. She beamed.

The Hero woke up with a start and a gasp in a puddle of sweat. The whole room stank with it. It took her a second to figure out what’d woken her: her phone, ringing, buzzing, on the nightstand.  Without thinking she grabbed it and pressed ANSWER. She only realised her mistake when a voice started speaking through it.

“Hello? Misha?”

She wanted to throw up.

“I can hear you breathing, Misha. I know it’s you.”

“...Nataly,” she croaked, slumping back against the wall in defeat. Her ceiling was so white.

“So you still speak. Good.”

“Why are you calling?”

Silence. Then: “Are you serious?”

She sighed, and let her head thump backward against the wall. Nataly swore.

“You really are serious. I worry, Misha. That’s why I called. I saw the pictures and the articles they wrote about yesterday.”

Nataly waited for her to say something. She said nothing.

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

She heard Nataly sigh. “I’m not stupid, Misha. I saw the state you were in.”

She wanted to throw up. She wanted to punch something. She wanted to smash the phone.

“I’m fine.”

She hurt all over, but she was alive. She could still fight. She could still save the world.

“I don’t believe you.”

She pinched her nose, fighting the urge to crush the phone and the annoying voice within.

“I don’t care,” she groaned. Nataly swore.

“God dammit, Misha, I care about you. You’re going to kill yourself if you keep going on like that.”

She let out a breath through her nose, slowly and with intent. She made herself lighten her grip on the phone.

“We are divorced,” she forced out, through gritted teeth.

“So what, you think just because we’re not married anymore, I don’t worry? That I don’t care about you? I love you, asshole. I’m not going to stop loving you just because you divorced me.”

She wished she could just smash her head against the wall. Be done with Nataly and all those aggravating headaches once and for all.

“But I did.”

Silence.

The bile was rising in her throat.

“...I see,” Nataly said, and her voice broke on the last word.

She flinched, but said nothing.

“...Take care of yourself, Misha.”

Nataly hung up.

The Hero sagged against the wall, empty and drained and hurt. She hoped Nataly would stop calling. She hoped Nataly would be fine. She hoped Natlay would move on, now. She hoped Nataly would not find out she’d lied.

As Cordelia was leaning against the car, waiting for Deb’ to get out of class, she thought that trees were really beautiful. Both materialistically and metaphorically: labyrinth of intricate roots scavenging the soil, a solid, reliable trunk, branches like dozens of arms reaching for the immateriality of the sky. Life, growth, death, with reproduction thrown into the mix. Humans were really just ugly trees. Weak, mobile trees that made far too much noise.

The end of class rung then, and a flow of teenagers ran out the doors. Or dragged themselves out the doors, depending. Cordelia looked for a flash of blue on top of the most beautiful, most handsome face in the world. It wasn’t hard, in this mass of stupid, ugly trees, to find the one she was looking for. Deb’ was making their way through the crowd with ease and a grace none of the others possessed. When they spotted Cordelia, Deb’ shot her the brightest smile and pushed some kid out of their way, extracting themself out of the crowd with class. Cordelia grinned.

“How’s my favorite person ever?” she asked, ruffling Deb’s frizzy hair.

“I pushed an asshole down the stairs and he broke his leg,” they said, grinning.

“Good. Did anyone see you?”

“Nope, not even him!”

Cordelia smiled, feeling like her heart was taking all the room in her ribcage. She ruffled Deb’s hair again, smiling. “I’m proud of you, you know?”

Deb’ smiled back, dimples digging in their cheeks. Their dark skin shone like no other under the afternoon sun, reflecting the light like a little moon. Deb’ really was the most beautiful person in the world.

“I know, mom. I am too,” they said, circling the car to get to the passenger seat. Cordelia shook her head lightly and got into the car.

“Ready to go home?”

Deb’ looked at her, amusement and fondness shining in their eyes. “You know you don’t have to come get me every time, right?”

“Nonsense. Now work your magic, little beetle.”

Deb’ shook their head at their mom, smiling, and snapped their fingers. A fraction of a second later the school disappeared, and they were home.

Cordelia saw Andy jump at their appearance, and bang her head against the hood of the car she had been tinkling with. She stifled a laugh to spare her friend’s dignity, but Deb’ snapped their fingers again and appeared right next to Andy, scaring her to death. Cordelia shook her head, smiling despite herself, and got out of the car. Deb’ had always liked messing with others as soon as they’d discovered what they could do. Cordelia thanked the universe for linking the trigger of Deb’s power in a snap of their fingers, and not something easier to learn. She didn’t know if she would have survived a teleporting baby - raising a regular one had been hard enough as it was.

“Sorry we scared you, Andy,” she said, shooting a look at her kid. Deb’ shrugged.

“Couldn’t help it.”

“That’s alright,” Andy laughed, rubbing her head where it had met the hood. “I’ll get used to it eventually.”

Deb’ leant forward to peek into the car, eyes roaming along the pipes and pistons, trying to make sense of it all. “What were you working on?”

“Oh, uh, nothing much, just - trying to make this one work again, I guess,” she said, and blushed at the curious look Deb’ gave her. “What?”

“Why would you want this one to work, when we have dozens of others much nicer vehicles?” Deb’ gestured to the rest of the garage.

Andy looked around too, considering the question, but her gaze quickly found its way back to the old, dusty car she’d been trying to fix. “I like this one.”

“Why?” Deb’ pressed on, sounding frustrated. Cordelia smiled.

Andy shrugged, hand brushing along the red edge of the car’s guard, smiling fondly at its chipped paint job and dated engine. “I like that she’s old. They don’t make these anymore. They’re too slow, and too small, and not adapted to the engines we make today. Trying to fix her - it’s like flicking through an old photo album.”

“So you’re, what, nostalgic? Did you use to have one like this before?”

“No, I wasn’t born when they stopped making them,” Andy said, shaking her head. The light caught on the shaved skin, and Cordelia spied Deb’s eyes briefly glancing at it. “It’s more like looking into the past, I guess? And dusting it off,” she added with a grin.

Cordelia smiled. It was a nice thought, that in the present the past could be fixed.

“You know,” she said, “I don’t think I ever saw this car working. It’s always been sitting here, as far as I recall.”

Andy looked at her then turned to the car, looking wistful. “That’s a shame, it’s a beauty.”

“If you can fix it, it’s yours.”

“Really?” Andy gasped. There were stars twinkling in her eyes, brighter than Cordelia had ever seen.

She laughed, patting her shoulder. “Of course. Now come, the both of you. I smell dinner.”

[queen-of-deans-booty]

In It’s Natural State

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam

Word Count: 1,249

Warnings: Fluffy goodness

Request: can you write a dean x reader where the reader has naturally curly hair but she usually straightens it. when it gets wet it curls up. they get caught out in the rain somehow and her hair starts to get curly but she can't find her straightener because dean hid it.

Summary: You have naturally curly hair but always straighten it. When you, Sam and Dean go on a hunt and Dean hides your straightner, you don’t know what you’ll do when it starts raining and ruins all your hard work.

Author’s Note: I am back with a new fic! This is the first fic since I have returnew\d. I need to get back into the spirit of writing which I’ll do tomorrow since I have a 12 hour. I need to get out of this writer’s block. I hope you like this! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are mine.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

“You ready? I want to get back before it rains. It said it was going to later today.” Dean said from the bathroom. You were just finishing up straightening your hair.

“Yeah, babe, I’m almost done.” You said and Dean groaned, walking back to the bed where he and Sam waited for you.

“Why do girls take so long to get ready?” Dean asked his brother who just shrugged. You didn’t go anywhere without straightening your hair. You had naturally curly hair but you didn’t like it. It made you feel like you didn’t have control of it since your hair did its own thing, most of the time. But when it’s straightened, you could do a lot more things with it, manipulating it in your favor.

Sam and Dean have never seen you with curly hair since you usually got to bed with it straightened and when you wake up, you straighten it some more. Yes, you realize how much damage has been done to your hair but whenever you went to get your hair cut, they always said it was nice and healthy. Maybe it was the supplies you secretly stole from Sam that made up for it.

You just hoped you could get back in time before it rains because one splash of water on your hair would just ruin all the hard work you did. You quickly finished up and walked out of the bathroom, confident in your look.

“Ready.” You smiled and put your straightener back in your bag.

“You took all that time just to straighten your hair?” Dean asked, standing up and grabbing his jacket.

“Yeah, it takes time to look this good.” You winked at him before walking out to the car. Both Sam and Dean chuckled before Sam followed you out. Dean stayed behind and looked at your straightener in your bag. You didn’t know this but he’s seen you with your natural hair. Once when you got out of the shower and another time when you came home from spending time at Charlie’s place which had a pool. You thought you snuck by everyone but Dean saw.

He loved your curly hair and knew it was going to rain so he took your straightener out of your bag and decided to hide it because he wished you would wear your natural hair more often. After Dean hid it, he walked out to the car and got in, pretending everything was fine. He backed out of the parking lot and drove to wherever Sam said they needed to be.

After you interviewed all the witnesses, you and the Winchesters decided to spend your time at the local library to see if you could do more research there. You didn't want to go back to the room just yet because it was getting kind of stuffy in there. It wasn’t raining yet, so you thought you had some time before it did.

Well, you and Sam decided to do research but Dean thought it would be funny to mess with you while you worked. You knew he hated doing research of any kind but this was getting ridiculous.

“Dean, sweetheart, you know I love you but please quit bugging me.” You said in the nicest way possible.

“I’m bored.” He pouted and moved away from you.

“Why don’t you crack open a book? How about that?” Sam said, looking at his brother.

“I’m not that bored.” Dean grumbled and decided to fill his time by playing with your hair. You didn’t mind it since it relaxed you so you didn’t stop him when he started to braid it, doing different things to your hair.

It made the time go by faster when you weren’t stressing about things.

Before you knew it, you spent a good few hours researching when it was only supposed to be one hour. The only reason you looked at the time is when you heard a loud crack of thunder. You lifted your head and saw it raining outside and you cursed, packing up your things.

“What is it?” Sam asked, looking outside.

“When did it rain?” Dean asked, taking his fingers from your hair.

“Shit, we have to get back to the room.” You said and Sam agreed. You three packed up your things and walked to the door. You bit your lip, knowing your hair was going to get wet. You groaned and handed Dean your things before taking your blazer off and putting it over your head to protect it.

“Is that really necessary?” Sam asked and you glared at him.

“Yes, now walk.” You said and walked into the rain. Your blazer did nothing to protect your hair as the water soaked through the material and onto your hair. You groaned, knowing it was useless so you took your jacket off your head and quickly got in the car, trying to fix it before it became obvious you had curly hair. Sam and Dean got in and Dean wasted no time driving to the room.

When Dean got to the room, you bolted out of the car and into the room, immediately going to your straightener. But it wasn’t where you left it. You started taking your things out but it wasn’t in your bag. Sam and Dean walked into the room but you didn't stop looking.

“Where is my straightener?” You asked

“You have curly hair?” Sam asked and you sighed, knowing the facade was blown. You turned around and looked at the Winchesters.

“Yes, I have curly hair. Now where is my straightener?” Sam genuinely looked as if he had no idea where it was. Dean, on the other hand, was hiding something.

“Dean, where is it?” You asked, walking closer to him.

“I’m going to take a shower, get out of these wet clothes.” Sam said and booked it to the bathroom. When the door clicked, Dean spoke.

“I hid it.” He didn’t even hide the fact that he hid it.

“Why?” You asked, crossing your arms, knowing your hair was getting curlier by the minute.

“Come on, you always straighten your hair. I actually think you look nice the way it is now.”

“You like this mess?” You scoffed, not believing it.

“Yes, I do. I mean, you’re beautiful no matter what but with your natural hair, you look genuine, pure. Especially without makeup on. Your freckles are amazing. You look amazing without anything on.” Dean blushed, scratching the back of his neck. You smiled and bit your lip, thinking. For the first time in a long time, you actually felt good about your hair in its natural state.

You walked to Dean and brought his face down for a kiss. He kissed you back and slid his hands in your hair.

“You really like my hair, huh?” You asked when you parted.

“Hell yeah I do.” Dean said, staring into your eyes.

“Thanks, Dean.”

“For what?”

“For making me feel beautiful with my natural hair. It hasn’t happened in a long time.”

“Why don’t you give your hair a break for the remainder of the hunt. I can’t imagine all that heat applied is good for it.”

“It isn’t but I steal Sam’s products which kind of help.” You said with a smile.

“I heard that!” Sam said from the closed bathroom door. You and Dean just laughed before you gave him another kiss. Maybe you could go without straightening your hair for a few days.

The Queens:

@mogaruke @whit85-blog @inlovewithbja @spn67-sister @kdfrqqg @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @roxyspearing @mishamigose @cobrakai1967 @essie1876 @crispychrissy @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @starswirlblitz @untitled39887 @ta-n-ja @notnaturalanahi @tahbehonest @posiemax @vonthesupernaturalwriter @li-ssu @just-another-winchester @obsessivecompulsivespn @emoryhemsworth @newtospnfandom @jessikared97 @wh1sp3r1ng-impala @charliebradbury1104 @shaym-rassu @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @kristaparadowski @alex-zeppelin @bloodyvoodoo @jadalecki-jackles @likiyoshi-lijie @skybabydead @jae-sch@notmoose45 @the1younevernotice @heyitscam99 @lifelovelaughangell123 @jennferjareau @crazyspn67 @speakinvain @nunnallynara @gh0stgurl @spnbaby-67 @winchesterprincessbride @teamfreewillsstuff @internationalmusicteacher @crankthatcastiel @rhiannonj79 @calaofnoldor @untitled39887 @broken-soul-bruised-heart @your-basic-potato@lostnliterature @superkrazy04

The Dean Beans:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @carribear31 @dont-you-dare-say-misha@oreosatmidnight @not-naturalfangirl @iam-a-cutiepie @kristendanwayne @milo-winchester-4ever @jensenackesl @codyshany316 @helllonearth @juniorhuntersam @pouterpufftrain @ruprecht0420 @carriemichelle2012@sandlee44 @gucci-daddario @kukindukin @starry-chaos @05spn18 @my-wayward-heroes @baconlover001 @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @onlydeanandjensen @expectosel

[anjanahalo]

“Again.”

Misha forced himself up, his head still ringing from the impact of knuckles against skull. He breathed, smelling the spilled blood, and recentered. Training was always harsh, this sort most of all. Blinded for the duration of the session, Misha was forced to rely on all his other senses to detect his opponent. With both of them wearing no shoes on padded mats, that meant paying attention to more than footfalls. It involved listening for breaths, the shift of cloth, the changes in the most minute breeze. Even just the feeling of someone beside him was important. To pass this session, he’d need ten successful strikes. He’d managed seven, not counting a few glancing blows. Three left, and Misha gave himself a personal goal: no counterstrikes for any of them. Three clean hits on Crow without taking one back. Impossible, especially considering his ribs’ current status, but a good one to aim for. He tensed, holding still, listening, feeling…

And raised an arm, blocking a strike to his skull, managing a counterstrike before Crow drew back into the man’s chest. It was solid. Misha grinned through the pain. Two.

He backed up, began dancing on the balls of his feet, as though he were able to see Crow’s movements. He couldn’t. He didn’t know where he was now. He’d have shifted far from his original position, but maybe he could psyche-

A blow to his kidney left him gasping and barely standing. He choked on air before straightening. Dammit, there goes that goal. He heard a creak of a mat being crushed in that moment and kicked back, feeling solid flesh underfoot. Likely just a thigh, but it was a hit. One.

“Hhahah, getting you now, bas-” Two hits into his mouth, one into his throat, and the last in the solar plexus. Misha collapsed gasping, spitting out a tooth, possibly teeth with the blood, as he tried to breathe again. Right. No talking during a fight, no matter how elated he might feel. Crow, at least, gave him time to rise again. Unsteady, his brain swimming, he refocused. One more...just one more.

The hit came from behind again. Misha spun, but too late to avoid the hit to his kneecap. He fell, screamed at the pain, and tried to lash back, except he felt the ligaments around the knee twist in agony. He didn’t pass out. His training so far was too good, but he wanted to vomit from the pain.

“Enough,” Crow stated. Misha coughed, praying he did well enough. When he didn’t do well in blind fights, Crow would leave him blind for the rest of the day. One time, after a particularly bad session, he was left sightless for a week.

“Kneel.”

Shaking but relieved, Misha obeyed. Thank goodness, he thought as he felt Crow’s calloused fingers grip and tilt his chin up. He did alright today. He’d get his sight back. It took effort to force his lids to stay open, to let the healing potion strike and fill his empty sockets, but, after some minutes of minor pain, he blinked and reopened them to see light and vague shapes. They’d strengthen as the potion worked, regrowing his eyes.

“Clean up for supper,” Crow stated, wiping his own hands clean of blood and viscera collected during the practice. He tossed another vial to Misha, which the student drank gratefully. He stood, bowed, and headed out of the practice room. No praise, but he did well enough. Maybe Crow simply had ambitions today. Misha hated he didn’t reach them, but he at least did well enough to get his sight back. He reviewed his performance in his head the entire way back to his small room and his wash in the basin. There were many points he could improve upon, and he would. He’d prove himself to Crow, every second of every day.

Misha wouldn’t disappoint him.

[totty-chan]

The Truth about Fhujeth vs. Chocho

This isn’t a callout post, it’s a name-clearing and fact-straightening post for @chochomatsu / @domatsu

Before I go on with this post, I’m going to say a few things for the sake of transparency. I have known (or at least known about) both Fhujeth (@totally-totty / @osomi) and Chocho within the Osomatsu-san fandom for roughly a year now. I have had my own share of negative experiences with Fhujeth over that year, not least the Totty Club issues. I met Chocho because of the Totty Club and we’ve been friends since that time. The club is not what this is about though. I just felt I needed to state my relationship with these two people to clear up any potential questions of bias towards one side.

No one in existence is 100% unbiased, one is my friend, the other isn’t. But despite completely different experiences I have tried to maintain neutrality where I possibly can. I already knew there was a past friendship and later breaking of said friendship between Fhujeth and Chocho, and that there was some drama that spilled over into the public domain after that break.

I was told last week that Fhujeth continues to vague post about the situation, suggesting she hasn’t been able to let go. I decided to approach Fhujeth to see what was going on - for the sake of a friend that I care about. Fhujeth knows that I am friends with Chocho but again, for the sake of neutrality, I asked Fhujeth why she sees Chocho as her “abuser”, and what proof there is of this. I am someone who needs proof before I believe. Fhujeth explained her position and gave me some evidence in the form of chatlog to back it up.

After Fhujeth presented her argument to me along with the evidence she had to give, I stated that I wanted to get the other side of the story by talking to Chocho about it. Fhujeth’s nature basically instantly turned more... apologetic? Certainly less fighty. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want me to approach Chocho about this - which to me rang alarm bells.

I then spoke to Chocho about the situation - a story that Chocho has been unwilling to talk about in any detail until now. The reason being that she didn’t want to relive it, hoping that it would blow over and go away. But obviously it hasn’t.

Just to note that Fhujeth (and apparently some of her friends) questioned whether I am being appropriate by mediating between her and Chocho, asking for details as I go. Later on, Fhujeth said this to me:

I try to hear both sides of a story but I also since this summer have been trying not to get too involved in other people's drama. I don't want to because I don't want to get on anyone's badside. I know this is hard to believe but like you, I am someone who sticks up for their friends and fights and often is a diplomat or mediator or a neutral party who tries to hear two sides out. I have been for my friend and someone who wants nothing to do with them who keeps harassing my friend.

My answer is that this is exactly what I am doing here. You are welcome to judge me for making this information public however you see fit.

I have been given explicit permission from Chocho to post the information beyond this point.

I asked for this permission because I feel that it is disgusting that this issue has been going on for so long, an issue affecting a good friend of mine. I am of the opinion that if Fhujeth can go around the fandom spreading chatlogs to incriminate someone, I can use chatlogs to debunk it.

The rest of this post is under a cut - it is a LONG TEXT WALL but it clears up a lot. For those without the time to read a post of this length there is a tl;dr at the end. However you will need to read the post to understand the reasons for the conclusion!

KEY FROM NOW ON:

Normal - Me (totty-chan, Sammy)

[ITALICS] - Chocho’s notes, opinions, etc.

BLOCKQUOTE - Chatlogs - Chocho is normal text, Fhujeth and others are bold

I have been assured by both sides that none of the chatlogs shown to me are edited in any way, except names where appropriate and the occasional note spliced in to better explain certain things. For Jussy, a person unfortunately involved in this, I have replaced their tumblr username with “Jussy” to protect their identity. There is private information (location, etc.) about both parties in the logs which I will replace with “---” for the sake of their privacy. Some chatlogs had images within them - these cannot be shown as they were not logged in the text files and no longer exist. I only sought permission from Chocho to show logs. Anyone who would like to see the evidence shown by Fhujeth will have to ask Fhujeth herself for it.

Both Fhujeth and Chocho mentioned that they used an IM app called “utox”. Fhujeth claimed that this app doesn’t keep logs. Chocho’s logs from this point mostly come from utox (some are from tumblr). This image is proof that logging is possible:

Commissions/Money

The first thing Fhujeth spoke to me about was regarding commissions done by Chocho for other people.

totty You want the chatlogs? I have one that was taken from when her and a friend of mine were talking after my friend found out Chocho had been pretending to be two different people and pleading as both for commissions and I have our last convo that we had before the "we're not talking anymore." That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Fhujeth gave me evidence in the form of a chatlog about the second issue mentioned here first. I’m going to cover the issue regarding begging for commissions first despite not being given “evidence” about it until a lot later in the conversation. This also involves other people and money which is why it’s the important one.

Fhujeth claimed that Chocho asked people for commissions, claiming that she “needed money for this or that reason really bad.” There was also a claim that Chocho would pretend to be both “Domatsu” and “Chocho” - two separate people - in an attempt to ask for more money from the same person. This person is a mutual friend of both Fhujeth and Chocho.

Fhujeth claimed to have proof that Domatsu and Chocho are the same person but said that Chocho admitted this anyway so it wasn’t needed.

When I asked Chocho about this, she said:

[I never asked anybody for commissions, ever. It's against my morals. I made a commissions promo post on domatsu in order to replace my dodgy old Wacom tablet that was years old, worn down and no longer supported for parts and did commissions for that, people continued to commission me after that, even though I posted when I got my tablet. That was their choice. Fhujeth saying that I squeezed Jussy for tons of money... whilst Jussy did commission me A LOT, she always came to ME asking, I never asked her (unlike Fhujeth who flat out said to me one time that she was going to go ask Jussy to commission her). I never begged Jussy and I never approached her or pressured her to commission me. She always asked first and I always made sure she was okay with the price and knew where all the pricing was coming from in the picture before she agreed to it. I thanked her for all her commissions because she really did help me.]

Chocho gave me evidence of Jussy asking for the commissions:

Jussy Hey, honey~ ^.^ hope you are well? I can't stop looking at my OsoMisha piece~ *u* and I am so happy with it~<3 I would love to commission you again X33 Jussy I will email you again~ ;) with my new idea~

Jussy BTW, when I get paid again, I was thinking of commissioning you again, but for something different ;3 * at the end of the month

Jussy Haha XDD you think you can take on another commission of mine? ;3

Jussy Eeeee, plz let him tumblr XDD and yush~ 0w0 it is <3 such great times X3 Plus, your Kara comic inspired me to commission you for an OsoMisha one X3

Jussy Soon, I'd love to commission an icon X3

Jussy I was thinking of Osomatsu and his brothers surprising Misha on her birthday on the 10th >w< Jussy as a commission

Jussy Hey, ChoCho X3 you up for me to commission you again? c:

Jussy Now I have the urge to commission Misha taking care of Osomatsu in the clothes his wearing~

Chocho also gave me this chatlog between her and Fhujeth regarding Jussy, commissions, the cost of said commissions, and asking for them.

Fhujeth: Jussy wants to pay me 35 (total) for a drawing with 3 chars (dollars) yay or nay Chocho: Fullbody or no Chocho: *? Fhujeth: full body Fhujeth: that's alot less than she was paying Chocho: I'd ask for 40 at least Fhujeth: Did my art value suddenly change Chocho: I don't think so! Chocho: Did she mean £? Fhujeth: Originally she paid 71$ for it Chocho: Or does she not know currency conversion? Chocho: What did she even say? Fhujeth: Cus I'm not sure if I should be insulted and hurt and start crying and just stop doing commissions or think she has no idea about currency conversion Chocho: I'd fall on the last one there first Fhujeth: I really hope so... Chocho: This is Jussy Fhujeth: [9:38:02 AM] Jussy: Yo~ ;3 [10:48:33 AM] Firrymatsu: Hi ^^ I am going to get this commission done fast but is is possible to be commissioned again sometime soon I just had to go to the doctor and my medication was 25 pounds ;.; [10:49:40 AM] Jussy: Okay my darling~ >w< and sure thing my honey~ ^.^ you know, I was thinking I COULD give you back the sketch you gave me, so you can finish it off and I give you 25 $ or more for it~ : 3 [10:49:54 AM] Jussy: Now you have a good idea on Hummingdoe's appearance [10:50:22 AM] Firrymatsu: dollars or pounds :o [10:50:52 AM] Jussy: Dollars ^w^ [10:51:36 AM] Firrymatsu: the one with croc, moosel, and hummingdoe? [10:52:07 AM] Jussy: That's right ^w^ [10:55:32 AM] Firrymatsu: 25 dollars is not very much @_@ [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? Fhujeth: does she even have a concept of money? Fhujeth: I'm taking into consideration the 10 she already gave me... Chocho: I haven't a clue! Fhujeth: I'm too tired for this ;.; Fhujeth: It's 3 full body characters in a style I dunno, one is a fan character with an out of style reference.... Chocho: I'd also consider that you are asking her to commission you and give her money rather than her making that decision herself to ask on her own... Fhujeth: Yeah! I am taking that into consideration. Originally this idea we planned at 70, I think 50 is fair? Fhujeth: or 45 Chocho: Ask her for that! Fhujeth: Ok! Fhujeth: [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? [10:59:41 AM] Firrymatsu: 40 @_@ then you had already paid that 10 dollars towards it, that makes it 50 - I'd normally charge 70 but since I am asking you for help I will go lower?

Fhujeth: i'll reply when i am done with this commission is reluctantly asked if they were willing to commission me again.

[See? She flat out asked/begged Jussy to commission her... and was insulted with the price Jussy was willing to pay. From what I could gather, Jussy wasn't happy with the sketch Fhujeth gave her before so wanted to commission Fhujeth for something else instead of the original pic?]

(Note, Firrymatsu = Fhujeth)

From my perspective it appears Chocho received commission requests - she didn’t go asking for them personally. There is evidence that it was in fact Fhujeth that asked for at least two commissions rather than being approached.

Also (this is just my opinion), what is wrong with commissioning under multiple aliases? Novel authors write books under different names all the time to separate styles - and make money on those separately. It happens in the music world too, songwriters often have multiple aliases or they ghostwrite for other singers or bands, making money as they go. It’s not immoral, it’s just a method of being able to separate different styles of working and still be able to keep on top of things. I do not understand why Fhujeth is using this against Chocho in an attempt to back up the “abuser” claim.

Fhujeth also said this to me regarding Chocho and Jussy:

If you see her collection you'll understand she had no NEED for money, she had a WANT for money. When Jussy found out that not only was her money going towards the same person but also not for needed things like food and health but for buying say, a full set of 45 dollar a piece matsu plush... she was not terribly happy.

I asked Chocho about this and was given this chatlog with an explanation afterwards:

Chocho: We live in a little town. =( Fhujeth: Ahhhh. Fhujeth: That makes it creepier you're so close to Jussy then. Chocho: It's not even that... it's a sub-town? Or village? I dunno. --- is the area, --- is the town... and we're in --- which is considered a part of --- overall so I guess it's a village Chocho: Yeah, we are REALLY close to Jussy Fhujeth: we don't have villages here so I have no idea how to like.... word it. Yeah it seems creepy..... like nothing on her but she is strange... part of me wonders if she is an adult... or a kid.... or an impulse buyer Fhujeth: Like nothing on your fanart I just don't see how someone can afford all that so fast like wow. Fhujeth: That's a lot of artwork of a weird fantasy. Chocho: I dunno. =T Not complaining though, it helped John with his bills this month

Chocho: I finished one of the comms for Jussy Fhujeth: Yay! Chocho: dop Chocho: =image goes here= Fhujeth: you did it!! Fhujeth: cute! Fhujeth: she will love that Chocho: Thank-you! =) Chocho: 1 down Chocho: 3 Chocho: to Chocho: go Fhujeth: are they easier ones? Chocho: Not particularly Chocho: One involves Iyami Chocho: who is a bitch to draw Chocho: And one is hypnotism-esque Fhujeth: from her? Chocho: Well, yeah Chocho: I don't take commissions from anybody but you, John, Jussy and Cathie at the moment Fhujeth: Ahh that is nice and a smart idea Chocho: I really want to help John out. @_@ Chocho: So I'm just having the money sent straight to him Fhujeth: Good idea! Fhujeth: And they have lots Fhujeth: Well, I wonder what Jussy really is she seems to be so mysterious

(And when Fhujeth says that I "didn't use the money on life but on merch instead"... that's not entirely true. I got some merch that I had ordered sent to my friend because I couldn't receive it here and it ended up being way larger than we expected, it was HUGE! If I'd have known they were THAT BIG I wouldn't have ordered them, but they were and we ended up with them. He had to send them one by one and they cost $22.50 to send EACH. He IOU'd me the money and sent them over to me since his house is not very big and they were taking up space. Then it turned out that he was short of funds for personal reasons (I'm not gonna say what because it's private), so I wanted to pay him back ASAP to help with his bills. So I was getting Jussy to send ALL the commission money she paid me directly to my friend (John) in order to pay him back for his kindness and help his bills. So yes, whilst it was not going on MY bills, it was going on my FRIEND's bills. And whilst it was TECHNICALLY going "towards merch", it was actually going towards paying my friend back for the postage it cost him to get them to me. Fhujeth knows this.)

I personally don’t see an issue with spending commission money on merch, or for that matter, anything. In any case, this issue doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as Fhujeth was painting it to be. The obvious conclusion from the things Fhujeth told me would be that Chocho demanded to be commissioned due to a strong “NEED” for money, claimed that it was for “things like food and health”, only to spend it on merch. I’ve seen enough evidence to be able to say that this isn’t the case.

Chocho also gave me further logs about the commissions/money issues:

Fhujeth: I refunded her the 35 when the REALLY EVIL PART OF ME WAS LIKE, "Dude keep it dude, dude, duuude, dude, greed, dude, greed, dude."

Fhujeth: plus the 45 USD she just tossed me for (well, some stuff I paid 3 dollars for basically) Chocho: How much profit are you making off of her? Fhujeth: The camera case/bag was in a super clearance machine I think they put it in there to make it difficult to grab the iyamis and chibitas cus it was big and would catch the claw but I was like, "FUCK THAT" and got all the chibitas and iyamis around it and then pulled it out Fhujeth: and then like there was times I just bulk won tons of osomatsu keychains and she bought 2 of those Fhujeth: cus on golden week they rigged the machines to pay out super crazy easy and I spend like 300 dollars I ended up with like 8 choros and 7 jyushis Fhujeth: contacted jussy about the osomatsu cushion hehe Fhujeth: did I tell you I charged her 10 shipping and her item to ship turned out to be 180 Chocho: 180? Fhujeth: like 2 dollars

Fhujeth: "the keychain and pillow (very huggable) for 65 + shipping (and you already paid for " ya so I know what you'll do with these poor plush so I will charge 15 for the keyring and 50 for the plush juss Fhujeth: me: Well the pillow which I sell for 40 I'll sell to you for 50 and this keychain I sell for 10 I'll sell to you for 15 and I know oyu paid shipping on the other thing you bought but I'ma go ahead and ignore that and combine this all shipping so 15 shipping Fhujeth: yeah I feel bad Fhujeth: but I also am like Fhujeth: she is really Fhujeth: but I Will give her a nicer shipping i think Fhujeth: at least tracking Fhujeth: you: *terrible person* Fhujeth: you're thinking that Fhujeth: a bad person would be if I decided to not refund her that 35 dollars and see what happens x.x Chocho: I didn't say anything! =B Fhujeth: What are you thinking? Chocho: That I'm not sure if Ichimatsu looks right? XD Fhujeth: So you don't care if I charge her for things? Fhujeth: Like a lot. Chocho: Oh, I do, but it's none of my business. =B

Fhujeth: I most def do not feel bad Fhujeth: charging her Fhujeth: because she probably torments many people

[I find it amazing she says about my "collection"! Hahaha! She's shown people her collection what, countless times? She has far, far more than I do and it's not like she needs that any more than I do. XD SHE's the one who doesn't have a need for money, not me, I never inherited anything from anybody! SHE's the one who has a want for money, even though as far as I know, she has a lot already! (She also liked to horrendously overcharge Jussy for things, just because she knew Jussy wouldn't question!)

To be honest, any time Fhujeth offered me something to buy off her it was.... really unnerving... it wasn't like a friendly "Oh yeah, you can buy this if you want", it was always so... like a sharp merchant, not a friend helping another get something. She even said one time that she would only hold a piece of merch for me for "up to a year"... that put quite the unnerved feeling onto me... XD;;; And it was ALWAYS like that... we had to make sure the money was 100% EQUAL AND ACCOUNTED FOR. To be honest, it was scary. She did this with the plush she wanted me to make her too. I didn't really like buying from Fhujeth, it was stressful, but a lot of the time I felt pressured.]

Fhujeth: well, I have one Chocho: One is in 18 Fhujeth: I will sell it Fhujeth: I can hold it Chocho: Oh? =o Well... if you want to... Fhujeth: if you're up for that Fhujeth: I don't mind holding stuff for you up to a year

I’m seeing a “NEED” for money from Fhujeth here - not Chocho. There are also some very obvious nasty and insulting attacks on Jussy from Fhujeth combined with some extremely unfair financial tactics in an attempt to squeeze more money out of her.

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth involved a claim that Chocho demanded to be commissioned by Jussy to buy a new cellphone:

She threw her phone on her bed and it accidentally cracked and broke (baring in mind this was a phone her dad gave her, had no service, and she used to play games on it). She said she was gonna ask Jussy for help to her a new one. We were also talking about Timezones for another reason. If it wasn't cause the phone broke it was cause she wanted something else but I remember around that part not caring too much.

I think it was the phone.

Chocho gave me this chat between her and Jussy along with comments and chat with Fhujeth:

chochomatsu And my phone smashed yesterday tooooo Jussy B'awww, I am soooo sorry to heat that my lovely ;w; chochomatsu Not having a good time (;m;) Jussy what?? o0o nooo! Anything I can do to help? ;w; chochomatsu Yeah! (;m;) [<--- Note, this is a response to "what?? o0o nooo!", not "Anything I can do to help? ;w;] Some of the glass actually fell out... so... it's pretty much unusable now. (;_;) RIP my phone...I didn't even have it all that long... Jussy Oooh, my...you poor lass ;3; <3 can you get it fixed? chochomatsu And I can't afford to get another one either! At least I didn't use it all that often... (;w;);;; Jussy b'awww ;3; I only use my phone for calling and texting chochomatsu I think it's pretty much gone. (;_;) I don't think you can replace the screens on these... This was my first ever smart phone, I wanted one for years... and I think it lasted... a few months... not even a year! Jussy Ooooh, poopy ;3; what a shame How did it break? chochomatsu It was a really silly thing. (;_;) I went to bed last night and took it with me because I do Japanese study just before bed... I put the charger on my pillow and then gently plopped my phone on top... Jussy b'awww ;3; chochomatsu BANG Glass all over my pillow... Jussy Oooh, my..o.o Jussy goodness it happens darling, don't worry chochomatsu Yeah. (;_;) I feel really stupid... it wasn't even that hard an impact, I guess it just hit it in the wrong place Jussy aww, I am sorry dear ;3; chochomatsu I think we passed your workplace today though! Jussy Really?? 0w0 --- That's where --- is~ chochomatsu Yeah! You work at --- Bupa, right? Jussy I do :D Jussy what time?

[we talked here about completely different things for a while until we had to go, this next part is the next day]

11/23/2016 Jussy Aaaahh, Hey, ChoCho~ X3 I would like to help you get a new phone by commissioning you. I have something in mind and I would like to discuss it ^w^ chochomatsu Hiya, good morning, Jussy! <3 How are you today? And thankyou so much! (;m;) That is so sweet of you! <3 *hugs* Jussy Good morning my darling~ ^w^ I am good, a bit better from my cold >w< <3 and ya welcome, always happy to help out~ ^.^ *hugs*

[In regards to the phone, I never asked Jussy for commissions to cover replacing it. I mentioned it to Jussy because she was my friend and I was frustrated I'd just broke my phone (anybody would be I think), she approached me the next day saying she wanted to commission me to put towards getting myself a new phone, which I was absolutely greatful for. This commission I asked her to send to my BOYFRIEND instead since he'd be the one buying the phone and I wanted that money to absolutely go towards the phone. But before I could get the phone, Fhujeth lied to Jussy about me in order to put Jussy off me and cut me off from any future commissions (knowing that I only ever accepted commissions off of Jussy by that point). Since I no longer had any kind of income, I had to send the entirety of that money to John since he was a priority over a new phone. I still don't have a new phone (but luckily for me, it hasn't fallen apart yet like we expected! Since the crack is right at the button, we expected the button to fall out at any time, luckily it hasn't. I had to stop doing my kanji/kana learning because that involved drawing the kanji/kana on the screen and the sensitivity is basically shot on that part of the screen making it very hard to do anything there.).

(Also, my phone has always had service (you can see that it does, "TESCO" in the bottom corner of the photo I gave Jussy of my phone showing the damage)

It wasn't my Dad that gave it to me, it was my Boyfriend's Dad and I used it to study Japanese with apps because it was too weak to play the phone games without crashing. I tried playing Hesokuri Wars on it for a bit, but it was unreliable and crashed during game play a lot. So whilst I left it on my phone for ages, I didn't open it because it wouldn't load at all eventually (updates made it too hefty). I mostly played things like Hesokuri Wars and Tabimatsu on my PC using an emulator called Andy. It was FHUJETH's phone that didn't have service that she only used for games.]

Fhujeth: My mobile lost service... 3-4 months ago.

Chocho: My phone is too shit to run Hesokuri Wars without endless crashing

Fhujeth: we should find a chat program that works on your phone Chocho: It's like shell shock Chocho: I don't think any will, it's just not powerful enough to be any more than a call and text thing

I don’t think I really need to add to this - the proof is clear enough for me.

Fhujeth also told me this, bringing another person into the issue with Chocho and commissioning:

Cathie had her own experiences with Dexts (commissions being rushed/made poorly).

Like she'd pay 100 for a drawing that was not nearly up to par for what Domatsu usually did. That was one thing she told me

This is Chocho’s response to this claim along with logs to back it up:

Chocho: And Jussy knows I plan to finish hers when it's cooler Fhujeth: Totty: Choromatsu-Niisan is the kind of person who wears..... like... the pads on the elbos and all Chocho: It's okay if I fuck up a background, it's not okay if I fuck up paid art

[The background in this chatlog was regarding the backgrounds I used to draw for domatsus blog updates. All of the art I have ever done on commission for anybody, ever, including Fhujeth themself, was to the best of my ability at the time. I promise that completely, I have no desire to "half-arse" anything. I have no idea where Cathie got the idea that I didn't draw pictures up to par of my others at the time? I always tried my very best... =/ If Cathie said that at all, I wouldn't know! But I honestly had no idea she felt that way.]

Chocho: I don't want to cop out on the story Chocho: That's why it's pissing me off so fucking much Fhujeth: Rush it? Chocho: no Chocho: Absolutely not Chocho: Quality or bust Fhujeth: i mean it's good and i can help you make sure it's in character Chocho: I've got a good reputation I don't want to fuck it up by coughing up half arsed shit onto the blog Chocho: Yeah, it's a matter of pride, but also a matter of respect for my fans

Fhujeth: It's nice to have stuff made by friends! I liked the figure i had from my friend but i was bummed when i realized she made it shitty on purpose ;.; Chocho: did they really though? Fhujeth: I'm 99& sure. Fhujeth: %^ Chocho: i have more respect for myself than to do that Fhujeth: They're those kind of people.

chochomatsu i have far too much respect for my works to do anything less than my best i wouldn't want to crap out a shitty item chochomatsu i never like asking anybody for money

Fhujeth: Apparently I illustrated a book... and it's coming out soonish..... *halfassed all the art they accepted it and took it my mind is blown, all it is I think they changed the cover*

Doesn’t look like Chocho is the one that “halfassed” art for other people. Art is, of course, subjective... but as long as the person drawing it does so to the best of their current ability and with as much effort as they can spend on it, that’s just fine.

An extra note from me... I saw this in the logs I was given and thought it worth mentioning (because it’s just... not right).

Fhujeth: So for a picture I might charge 25 for I charge 50 for to someone who I knew made 6 figures a year and wanted --- KND operatives Chocho: I think my biggest deal is asking for money full stop

Fhujeth is charging higher prices to people who she knows to have more money. I don’t recall rich people walking into a store and having to pay more because they’re rich. This isn’t a variable income tax system.

The Plush

Still regarding commissions and money in reality, Fhujeth told me about trying to commission Chocho for a custom Matsu plush. This is part of what Fhujeth said to me:

She made a Karamatsu plush and it had messy hair, he was supposed to be from her blog. I didn't like the hair but the plush the rest of it came out great. I told her the honest truth about it. Later she made a Choromatsu plush and I LOVED IT and I kept saying how I wanted to commission her for one and she kept holding the thing I said like 4 months prior about the one's hair against me?

We were friends so I wanted to give her my honest answer when she asked what I thought. The rest of the plush was fine but the hair just looked really off on it. She made the Posing Karamatsu too which I loved as well! I really liked the pattern she made for the Choro one but a lot. A LOT of drama would constantly ensue whenever I said, "hey I wanna commission you for one."

I wasn’t at all sure what the real problem was here or why it was brought up with regards to Chocho being an “abuser”. When I asked Chocho about this one it took a long time to explain.

[Ok... this is a complex one that needs a LOT of backstory to explain... so... I can make plush, but I can't make them EASILY because I don't have a sewing or embroidery machine. Everything I do on a plush has to be done by hand using a needle and thread. That includes the face embroidery/embroidery anywhere else. This takes hours and can mess up my hands/fingers because of repeated pressure of a thin, metal stick pressing into them (also because pushing the embroidery needle through multiple layers of fabric and embroidery REALLY hurts. @_@ And you can stab yourself all too easily. I don't like doing it really so try to avoid it and don't take any commissions unless they are specifically for friends. Fhu knew about the faces and embroidery, so she knew it was a hard and painful activity before she even started pressing for a Totty plush later on.]

Chocho: I have a question Fhujeth: sure :3 Chocho: If I were to make Karamatsu plush, should I make it chibi like the official ones or proportional Fhujeth: that would depend on if you want it to be proportional or chibi :O Fhujeth: why not both Chocho: Because it takes a long time to hand embroider the faces. XD Chocho: And I'm limited on fabric. =( Fhujeth: you hand embroider? wooow Chocho: Yeah! Fhujeth: woow that looks like it would take forever Chocho: It does. @_@ Chocho: And it hurts. XD Fhujeth: that is some dedication Chocho: It's the only way I can do it. =( Chocho: Which is why I only do plush commissions for friends. XD Fhujeth: well, otherwise it'd be a lot

[Eventually, I felt like Fhujeth was a close enough friend to me for me to want to make her a plush. So I offered that I could potentially trade some merch for a small, custom demon Todomatsu plush. I was instantly made uneasy by how it all became about "how much are you going to charge me?". What was simply a "maybe you'd like something made by a friend?" had suddenly turned into a hyper-serious TRANSACTION. I was basically put on the spot to give a price for something that I hadn't even planned yet, I wasn't even suggesting actual money, just a merch trade. That felt like pressure and I was a bit unnerved, but I shook it off.]

Chocho: Hey.. I have an idea/proposition Fhujeth: Go oooooon :O Chocho: Would you be willing to take payment for some thing in the form of a tiny demon Totty plush? Chocho: *some things Fhujeth: :O payment for like what, and PROBABLY x3 just what I have here or? like the kara head/buttons? Since I think we're about even on the auction lot Chocho: I think we're about even on the auction, yeah! =D And I dunno, yeah, the merch you get in Japan I guess, yes! XD Chocho: I'm not sure how big he'd be since things always come out bigger than I expect... Chocho: But he'd be custom cos he'd be demon Totty Fhujeth: i'll be buying more blind bags of stuff :O so I can just keep you updated. Yeah @-@ Chocho: I'd have to make a new pattern. XD I can't use Karamatsu's because he is MASSIVE Chocho: Okay! =D Chocho: How much would you be willing to pay for the plush anyways? @.@ If he came out to be about 12-15cm? Fhujeth: What are you charging o_o Chocho: I was gonna make him keychain sized? But I just know he'll end up bigger. B/ Chocho: I dunno because I've never really done it before. Chocho: Well, I've made things for John on commission but yeah Chocho: I know the cost of fabrics and time and pain Fhujeth: Like, how many hours would it HYPOTHETICALLY TAKE Chocho: But that doesn't line up to what people expect to pay so Chocho: Well Chocho: How long do patterns take. =_= Hmm... a few hours Chocho: Making plush can take... over a week Chocho: (It's usually way longer to be honest, but they're usually bigger( Fhujeth: I'm not sure o_o I'd like it but my budget is only as big as what I have ATM. Kara head is 35 + the buttons is 9 (minus one from the doodle just now) Chocho: Watch him end up being half the size of Karamatsu instead of 12-15cm Chocho: We can wait and see! Fhujeth: And as I get more stuff I'll figure things out o_o I'm bad with plush prices. Chocho: It was just an idea. XD Fhujeth: I am interested! And yeah! Fhujeth: If you can give me a number it'd be better!! and you should put a dog squaeky inside it o_O so it makes some sound, if you can, I think you can get that from like... a cheap store and take out of dog toy.... ?? which I can pay for? AHHHH, let's wait till I figure things out but assume right now we're at 42 dollars or something Chocho: Hahaha! XD That's a good idea on the squeaker! Chocho: Yeah, we'll keep it in mind! =D Chocho: (Also gotta remember the face embroidery) Fhujeth: Yeah x.,x Chocho: I wish I had a machine for that. =(

[The idea of the plush stuck around though]

Chocho: I'm really concerned about this plush Fhujeth: Aww don't worry about it too much. Fhujeth: I am not that picky if love is involved. Chocho: Yeah, but you don't want him to be hideous Chocho: I also worry about the quality of the embroidery Chocho: Because I'm not a machine Fhujeth: oh I am not picky on that I will know it is hand made. as long as it wont fall apart. Chocho: It shouldn't fall apart Chocho: But it might be ugly Fhujeth: I got a sculpture from sone, I showed them the example of what I wanted, I showed them a turn around, the got the proportions all wrong Fhujeth: you wont be that bad. Fhujeth: I still kept the loved the sculture Fhujeth: scupture Chocho: Kept the sculpture? Fhujeth: I kept it and loved it^ Chocho: What sculpture? Fhujeth: it was of my knd oc Fhujeth: i commissioned her because i thought she'd do really good Chocho: Was it not so good then? =< Fhujeth: i was disappointed greatly Fhujeth: but said nothing Chocho: Aww.. =( Chocho: I'm sorry about that Chocho: That's what I'm worried about

Fhujeth: I've commissioned some original stuff of my characters and came out really bad, in fact one I think got made bad on purpose.... Fhujeth: But I loved it anyways until one day the head came off because they didn't bake it enough... like the wire just split through the head >< I wanted them to fix it but I moved by then so it's at my dads so it wouldn't break more Fhujeth: And I'll be honest on a technical level and for that person's skill it was atrocious and when I first saw it I felt kind of bothered... Fhujeth: But I thought maybe it wasn't like that on purpose and they did it the best they could so I put it with all my other stuff of that OC

There was a weird situation building up here from what I could tell. Fhujeth wanted a quality plush which is fair enough, and Chocho doubted her ability to match the requirements. Fhujeth saying that they’ve commissioned other people and been disappointed with the result in the past was obviously furthering the doubt from Chocho that the requirements could be fulfilled. Claiming that a past commission had been done badly on purpose was, to me, a step too far. There doesn’t seem to be any proof of that here and presenting that thought to Chocho inevitably heightened the concern about being able to satisfy Fhujeth even further. I know for sure that if someone commissioned me for anything creative and was mentioning past commissions in this sense I would lose all confidence in my ability.

[The concept of a "demon Totty" plush had become a thing and was on our er.... list of things I owe in trade for merch? No merch traded hands though, I liked to pay for them first... but Fhujeth would "put things aside" on the "plush list", though not everything applied. In any case, I eventually decided to try and make a small Karamatsu plush as a test, since Fhujeth didn't like the risk of me making her a plush without seeing the pattern first. I was a little unsure about him, his hoodie kind of pinched his neck because I'd made the opening too small and his hair was VERY fluffy because of the fur I'd used for it. I felt concerned about him, especially since Fhujeth had now set this very high bar in my mind, what with being so money concerned, telling me about how she was certain her friend intentionally made her a bad commission sculpture to spite her and that she was VERY disappointed in the result, but didn't say anything... also with the idea that she didn't want to risk me making it without proving she'd like the pattern first.]

Chocho: Progress Fhujeth: aww that looks adorable! Chocho: NOT WHEN HE HAS A HEAD Chocho: I just placed it there Chocho: I used the long pile fur so it would NOT be that messy if I had used the minky Chocho: OH WELL Chocho: Whatever Chocho: I'm only finishing this really because it'd be a waste of embroidery otherwise. XD Fhujeth: give him bandages Fhujeth: have big Kara care for poor injured baby scruffy kara Chocho: It this particular one worth the effort? Chocho: "He looks retarded because he fell off the roof" Fhujeth: xDDDD Chocho: I guess he's not THAT bad Chocho: but eh Chocho: I don't think he's worth $ Chocho: maybe if the hair was shorter fur but I dunno, can't really tell that because it's not Fhujeth: haircut? Chocho: Nah Chocho: Because once it's cut it can't come back Chocho: And if I fuck it up that's it fucked up further for good! Chocho: But yeah, I don't think I can make you a Totty. @_@ I'm sorry Fhujeth: it is ok ^-^ Chocho: I didn't think you'd like it! XD Fhujeth: you don't seem confident :3 Fhujeth: so it is ok! Chocho: You don't seem to like how he looks anyway though. XD Fhujeth: it's hard to tell with the hair tbh Chocho: It's overall pretty shitty, huh? Fhujeth: Nooo! Fhujeth: The body for sure looks great Chocho: But the most important part is the head Fhujeth: the face is good too! Fhujeth: but the hair is very... wild Chocho: Really? I thought the face looked bad... Well yeah, I used craft fur, minky is like what you have on the keychain plush Chocho: Look at the length on big Karamatsu compared to little here Fhujeth: yeah! that is a hugeee difference Chocho: Yeah

[The small Karamatsu plush's hair kept coming up, even though I had explained that I used a different fur than what I would use for hers....]

Chocho: Be honest, do you want a chibi body like the keychain plush, or a to scale one Fhujeth: whichever you as the artist want. What do you personally thing might look better Chocho: The body pattern I have looks more to scale Fhujeth: I do like the chibi body but a real body, if it translates well, the bunny I got, did you see how it is... Fhujeth: it's like 2.5 heads tall Fhujeth: how is that like... that is ok too... Fhujeth: 3 heads tall Fhujeth: ok Fhujeth: 2 heads ehh Chocho: XD Chocho: I dunno Fhujeth: I like the height of the karamatsu plush but yeah his head (and hair) bugged me Fhujeth: we talk little the big one is fine Chocho: Well, I told you that his hair was not the same fabric. =P Fhujeth: yeah! Chocho: I used craft fur, not minky, cos I wanted it messy Chocho: But yeah, seriously though, no promises Chocho: I've seen a ton of cute plush and I don't think I'm cut out for it Chocho: To be honest, I knew you didn't like it as soon as you said you didn't know if you wanted to trade for it yet Fhujeth: brb my mom got me Chocho: Ok! Chocho: I think for now, it's best to assume I won't be able to do this, ok? The plush. Chocho: To be honest, to make one to the proportions of cute bunny Totty would involve me remaking the pattern all over again, not just the head. And that involves making the clothes patterns again too. It's a lot of effort that to be honest I don't think I'm willing to put in. Chocho: The effort and time to make ANOTHER pattern (especially if it just fails again), considering that I've already made 2 Matsu patterns already, not that one of them was with Totty in mind, but nonetheless... if more time, effort and stress than I think you'd be willing to trade for Chocho: *is Fhujeth: oh the bunny totty is bleg Fhujeth: I like your big karamatsu Fhujeth: bug maybe half the size Fhujeth: but^ Chocho: That would still be making a whole new pattern. u_u And I thought the Bunny Totty was really nice. =( Fhujeth: not just a resize Chocho: The way that big Karamatsu's head is done makes it hard to resize. =( Chocho: Besiiiides Chocho: I'm sure you wouldn't like the nasty darts I had to put in to make his hair work... Chocho: Also, his head flops cos it's heavy, you don't want it Chocho: It's too hot to work on anything plush now anyway. Because I don't have a machine, all the sweat that the hot, muggy weather causes will soak right into the fabric. Which is disgusting. So I avoid it... I also think if I had a machine that would do the face for me in a matter of minutes, it wouldn't be a problem... but I don't.. so every failure is a lot of wasted time and pain and suffering. All in all... I don't think I could make you something you wouldn't be disappointed with. =( Chocho: And not because I think you would rip into it, but because I don't think I have the skills Chocho: Anyways, I better get to bed! G'night! I'll catch you tomorrow! Fhujeth: nooo Fhujeth: i haD TO EAY Fhujeth: eat Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: to when I came back Fhujeth: i was gonna confess eerything to you Chocho: Confess? Chocho: I only send the message a minute ago. XD Fhujeth: AHH YOU ARE HERE MY FRIEND <3 Fhujeth: Yeah but a minute, less than you can walk away Chocho: But really, I do need to go after I've taken my meds, Kirk has to get up early Fhujeth: I love you, I am glad I met you. before we fuss, let me clarify things hsould we get into an argument Chocho: It's probably best we do this tomorrow so I can sleep. XD;;; Fhujeth: please, when we end a day in a huff and you show up not the next day it hurts so bad Chocho: As in, if it takes a negative turn, I can never sleep and Kirk's health tomorrow depends on me sleeping Fhujeth: Affirmative, be well, sleep well. Fhujeth: It was more detailed, that was a summary. Chocho: I didn't think we were arguing or having a huff today. '3' Fhujeth: not today! just anytime~ Fhujeth: like the other day Chocho: I was just expressing that I don't think I'm fit for purpose!

Which way round is this? Fhujeth claimed to me that Chocho was the one that brought up the hair thing and held it against Fhujeth. These chatlogs suggest it’s the other way around; Fhujeth really didn’t like whatever had been done with this other plush’s hair and was holding it over Chocho’s head whenever the idea of the Totty plush commission was discussed.

[I started to pay off the stuff we had on the "Totty plush list" from what I remember, since my first attempt had been not good enough. Fhujeth still wanted a Totty Plush though so that was still in the air. Then there was a set of limited edition... uhhh... lottery official plush I think it was? Of the Matsus in the "I <3 Toto" outfits released. I managed to get the Choro through my friend in Japan and I wanted the Kara (of course) but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually one popped up on Yahoo Auctions!, but he was expensive, I couldn't afford him. Fhujeth mentioned she wanted it, but would feel bad if she got it (and I didn't), so I figured I'd offer, if she was willing to grab the plush and hold it, I could trade it for the Totty plush (if I could do it to her standards), otherwise she could keep the plush for herself without guilt, or sell the plush off for profit or something since it's limited edition and the value will only go up. She didn't want to "RISK" it, which made me incredibly upset since she, by this point, had repeatedly insisted/hinted that I wouldn't do a job good enough for her to accept and it was getting quite insulting. Why did she keep saying these things, yet keep asking for the plush? =/;]

Chocho: I really want that but it's out of my reach Fhujeth: I like it but I'd feel bad if I got it Chocho: Would you trade me it for a demon Totty plush? Fhujeth: You mean like I buy it, keep it in the package and all and if you design a plush I like we trade or is it I buy it expecting we trade? Because in one regard that is alot of pressure because One I see done, already, the other I don't... so... and then if you make it and there is some issue then I'll feel so bad and obligated to say yes anyways. Like what are you thinking o.x Fhujeth: I mean Fhujeth: what are you thinking/what is your idea Chocho: Yeah. I'd trade you that Karamatsu straight for a demon Totty plush and we would make sure it's a pattern you like. Chocho: Nah, never mind, it was just a thought Fhujeth: Isn't that a lot of work for a plush like that? Chocho: It is Fhujeth: I'm willing to take the risk I guess... I hate calling it a risk but... In the end I guess my biggest fear is you present me with something and I dislike it and then we end in a problem. I'm not picky but my last few non-drawn commissions from people have been all crap. Fhujeth: Not saying you'd do that! Fhujeth: I'm just saying it's like I pay for something and it breaks. Fhujeth: Not that a plush can break, and yours look like good quality. Chocho: You think my plush would fall apart? Chocho: If you think it's too much of a risk don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No, no. Fhujeth: Do you prefer me not expressing just my thoughts outloud? Chocho: I think it's kind of insulting you think that doing a trade with me is a huge risk and you'll probably get something you'll hate... Chocho: But it's fine, don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No that's not my concern! See now I feel guilty ^^;; Chocho: I'd prefer not to do all the work of making a pattern and plush and the face embroidery for one plush anyway Fhujeth: I'll do the trade if that is what you want to do. Chocho: Because it IS a lot of work, effort and, since you seem to think I'd fuck up, heartache for a $55 plush +fees and postage Fhujeth: It's not that I don't trust you I just always jump to the worst conclusions. Fhujeth: Chances are the plush is going to be super cute and awesome. Chocho: I don't really want to make a plush for somebody who thinks I'm going to churn out junk... that is WAY too much pressure Fhujeth: I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me.... Fhujeth: ..but maybe I am misreading it. Chocho: Not really, I just feel hurt that every time I mention making a plush you make it sound like I'm going to make an ugly piece of crap Chocho: You are the only one who has ever repeatedly made me feel like I churn out shit plush... Fhujeth: I really want a plush from you! Fhujeth: I'm just really nervous to buy plush, always. Chocho: I don't want to make a plush for you because you don't trust I can do it Chocho: It's fine, I don't need to spend another $55+ anyway really!! Chocho: And plush take weeks Fhujeth: I do really want a plush from you. Fhujeth; I am patient and in no rush. Chocho: What if I can't make something you like? Fhujeth: You'll make something I like. I'm sorry for instilling fear in you. Chocho: Would you sell it to me in commissions of other kinds or for tutoring/red lining/whatever as long as it's not something I can't teach? Chocho: Or would you just keep it you think? Fhujeth: I want a demon totty plush or I'll keep him, probably... unless there is more art I need i the future. Just take your time. I'm sure whatever you do will be great. I didn't mean to make you feel scared or pressured. I'm just scared of things but yeah...

Wait... what? Fhujeth says here “I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me....” but this whole chatlog continues to read like Fhujeth is almost threatening Chocho that they must get things right if the work is to go ahead. It’s plenty obvious that Fhujeth really wanted a custom plush from Chocho... but at the same time injecting incredible levels of fear and doubt about whether she trusted Chocho to do a good job. I don’t really know why this was the case but I know for sure that if I was in this situation I’d simply say “No, sorry, I can’t do this for you” and refuse the job. Fhujeth obviously couldn’t take this for an answer, though.

[A little while later, I offered to pay off the Karamatsu plush straight and not trade him for the plush so that Fhujeth could have the money since she needed the funds. Fhujeth still wanted the plush though, even though I wasn't sure if I could do it, so it continued...]

Fhujeth: Hey Chocho: Hi! Chocho: I have a proposal for you... Chocho: How much was the postage to get Totty and Kara idols to you? Fhujeth: For both? Well I put them in with some other stuff remember? Chocho: What would be my percentage of it? Fhujeth: Well just the Kara right? o.o Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: Let me look ;o Chocho: OK! Fhujeth: sorry if eel reallyyy shitty Fhujeth: if you saw my tumblr messages Fhujeth: my mom poisoned me Fhujeth: in short so you don't have to read Chocho: I did and that's why I'm asking this Fhujeth: Okay so he alone was 5500 + Buyee fee 150 + Yahoo Fee 200 + Domest Shiiping Fhujeth: not going to charge for consolidation Fhujeth: it was 3700 yen for all 5 items to be shipped....... the 700 is fine I'll do the other 3000 of that Fhujeth: 5500+ 350 + 1112+ 700 Chocho: Ok! Would you be willing to post him to Kaji too? Fhujeth: Yeah, when I get that other Karamatsu eventually. Chocho: If so, I'll pay you for him flat out (if I can afford to after I've paid Kazuki) so that you can put that money towards getting away from that mother that's trying to kill you. $75.57 he comes to Fhujeth: No, no, no. I want the plush from you. Chocho: We can do the plush later, you need the money more right now

[Eventually I tried again at a pattern, this time a little bigger in a rag doll style with floppy limbs. When I started making the pattern I was already on edge because of the high feeling of pressure, especially since I never know if a pattern is going to work when I first make it. When I had actually put him together, I was really quite disappointed. I felt that I had messed up his body, it was too much like a cylinder and I felt I hadn't tapered him enough to his shoulders so he looked boxy. His eyes also came out wonky (one iris/pupil a little higher than the other...) which I had no idea how had happened since it was straight in the hoop as far as I was aware. I was just incapable of seeing the plush in a good light, I felt like I hadn't hit the standard I was desperately hoping for and I felt the plush was a failure.]

Chocho: he's also naked because i don't have his clothes fabric yet Chocho: yeah i did, but he hasn't turned up in the house yet Fhujeth: Can I see nakey choro? Chocho: i'd rather not... it's... really bad Fhujeth: *it's cool if not* Fhujeth: That's fine! Chocho: i'm just going to make him my hug buddy Fhujeth: I'm sure he's not that bad! Fhujeth: I have Present Jyushi and the one time he showed up I did not be there to pet him Chocho: you thought little karamatsu was bad, this one's not much better Chocho: which sucks because it wasn't easy to make Fhujeth: I did notthink he was bad o.o Chocho: you said you didn't like him, especially his face [<- this here, unless I missed one of the logs, was a mistake on my part. Unless Fhujeth restated at some point that his face was bad too, but I don't remember specifically] Fhujeth: I think the hair through it off for me Chocho: i used craft fur on that one instead of minky Chocho: i did say that... Chocho: craft fur is lower quality and longer pile, but i wanted it to be messy Fhujeth: Yeah, but it made an illusion for me! I think if I saw him in person it'd be different for sure! I am sure it looks great (Choro)

[In the end, after I broke away from Fhujeth and gave my Chocho some clothes, I ended up falling in love with him. The clothes nicely hid the fact that his torso is a tube... XD;;; And I don't notice the eyes now, even though I know they're dorpy. I also don't have that whole pressure over my head to perform any more... So yeah.... this entire thing went WAY past the whole messy hair plush thing... it was the constant being threatened that I better do a good job and the whole air that commissioning/trading me a plush was a "risk" to her and her high set standards etc. had left me feeling hypercritical of all my attempts and feeling at a complete loss. She brought up the hair repeatedly in regards to that one, small, plush. But there were other factors too that made me absolutely want to back out, but I felt too scared to say "sorry, no... I'm not going to make this" because it had gone on so long.]

It’s definitely Fhujeth that brought up the hair issue on multiple occasions, despite using this as part of the “abuser” argument in my conversation with her. There is some context here I’m not 100% sure of but it’s more than obvious that there was a lot of injected pressure from Fhujeth regarding this commission over a period of time. There is no reason for me to believe that this was Chocho being abusive in any way.

The Fat/Slob-love situation

In my conversation with Fhujeth, the subject turned to a claim that Chocho had a thing for “slobbing up characters” which made Fhujeth uncomfortable. This is what was said to me by Fhujeth:

I lost a lot of faith and trust in having close friends because of the way they would make me feel bad if I didn't do something for them or if I mentioned that some of what they drew made me uncomfortable. (example; the drawing in reference to that chat was uhh, Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob)."

"It was more that that was all she drew. I draw some weird stuff but it's never consistent. As you can tell she has some sorta thing for slobbing up characters based on our roleplays and private interactions and literally most of Domatsu and Chochomatsu blogs being.... slob. Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

This again had me confused... I couldn’t see where the “abuse” actually came into this. I mean, fair enough, some people find certain things uncomfortable and if that is stated to the person they believe to be making them uneasy with certain types of content, they should speak up and let them know - especially if it is in a one-to-one conversation between friends.

I obviously asked Chocho about this situation and this is the explanation I got:

[See, the fat thing is funny because it was FHUJETH that kept bringing it up. We'd be talking about something completely different, or roleplaying normally and she'd bring the subject in. She KNEW I didn't like it, I said multiple times that it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't stop. I kind of wondered if she was trying to push "desensitisation" of something I don't like on me. And that bit where she said that picture of Choromatsu made her uncomfortable? That's funny too because she sent me this in one of her post-parting ways e-mails;

"There is a common reoccurring theme with your art that screams "slob love" the baggy eyes, messy hair, beer belly/guy, five o'clock shadow. It's okay to like that and I never thought it was gross even though I was well aware you were into that way before we stopped being friends. I never judged you for that because I mean, I'm a fetish artist, lol."

Also, it wasn't ME who drew obese Matsus... that was Fhujeth, I still have some pics she sent me, here.]

For the record, the image Fhujeth was referring to (”Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob”) is this one:

That, to me... isn’t what it was dramatized to be. Dad bod, anyone? “gut hanging out”? Er, nah... if that picture makes Choromatsu out to be a fat slob I really need to sort my life out!! And that arm chair isn't green...(??)

Also, salarymatsu.tumblr.com is publicly visible and the reference for his hair was from canon material (kun).

This is the Osomatsu-kun reference Chocho used for the hair:

It was Ichimatsu with the messy hair (the one with the glasses, last panel)... but this is real canon stuff about the Matsus being 30 years older than their kun age. It’s a bit of a running joke in the series that Choromatsu becomes bald but there’s absolutely nothing here to suggest a “slob” kink.

[Also, she was ALWAYS talking about fetishes. So, so often, more so than anybody I have ever met before. EVERYTHING was(/is?) a fetish to her!]

Fhujeth: The only cartoon network shows that I can argue had any kink content in them was Uncle Grandpa and Kids Next Door and the latter the director told me it didn't.

Fhujeth: Tuttle I think he gets depression after his wife dies and becomes a blob... I really like that video. XD Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;; Fhujeth: Anyways yes I wanted to share that with you since we talk of kinks a lot and that song is one of my favourite things seth macfarlane's done Chocho: It's not like I choose to talk about kinks! XD Fhujeth: But we do!

Fhujeth: How... how close to "stuffing" should I get before too much is too much because I am not very good at drawing the line between kink and not kink because I have done kink artwork and am 100% desensitized to it

[Another interesting piece of chatlog from Fhujeth is...;]

Fhujeth: I like stupid drunk losers tht are slobs

Fhujeth: Ahh ok! But I like fat slob loser characters a lot, idk why they appeal to me greatly... especially ones that are unaware of how lame they are

Wait... you what?? Fhujeth was blaming Chocho for being into this as a kink and using it in her argument as to why Chocho was an abuser. This is evidence that it was in fact THE OTHER WAY ROUND and the accusation is blatant projection. I don’t get it - why use this as an argument when it’s an obvious lie?? Like I said earlier, if something makes someone uncomfortable, they should speak up. But as proven in the chatlogs it was in fact Fhujeth that liked “fat slob loser characters a lot” or “stupid drunk losers that are slobs”.

There was a LOT more chatlog suggesting Fhujeth liked to bring up fat in random conversations that were, in general, unrelated.

Chocho: Why does Karamatsu go around with his arms crossed in those clothes Chocho: Only in those Chocho: There seems to be no reason Fhujeth: Karamatsu: *feels fat* Totty: OF ALL THE CLOTHES*

Fhujeth: originally a black and white character, is just a fat pig now Fhujeth: Btw this show if you never saw it is brilliant Chocho: Ichimatsu: Actually Todomatsu then Fhujeth: Totty: :// IIRC: She is even depicted as super fat and can't fit into things and like eats an entire car. I feel like there was an episode she gets stuck somewhere from being so fat and she can't get outside to a food mobile that comes every rare time. Chocho: She doesn't look that fat! XD; Fhujeth: They change it for the show, it's very.... cartoonish Chocho: Ahhh okay! Fhujeth: Like, at certain times they make her fatter

Fhujeth:XDD Totty: I'l commission you - Draw Karamatsu really fat and ugly.... and then make his head normal... you know Chocho: XD Fhujeth: Totty, wait, he already is like that Chocho: Karamatsu: ... 8( Totty!

Fhujeth: dayon has a big head. Chocho: XD Chocho: yes Chocho: DAYOOOOOOOOON Fhujeth: and on a perspective level that person is tall Fhujeth: and the one in green is tall Chocho: Yes. XD Chocho: Well, I still think the Matsus are short Fhujeth: they were tall as kids Fhujeth: at least in 66 kun Fhujeth: xD they look like giants Chocho: I love that bit before that though, where they call Karamatsu an idiot and he's all hurt Chocho: XD Chocho: Yeah, but in 66 kun they change height all the time. XD; Fhujeth: "I'm not an idiot" :( Chocho: Karamatsu: *wiggly mouth* Fhujeth: i bought those tickets because i care Chocho: And all the merch. XD Chocho: .... something weird goes on with his body here.. Chocho: ???? Fhujeth: Totty: It's the fat inside him Chocho: XD Chocho: It just couldn't take being called an idiot Fhujeth: THE FUCK DID HE SAY JUST NOW Chocho: XD Chocho: "How so"????

Fhujeth: Totty: Hah, if Choromatsu Niisan wants to do that then I'll go to his stinky idol club and make a fool of himself in front of nyaachan. Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: Yeah, exactly Chocho: Feel free to get Totty to get Chocho's dick out in front of Nyaa-chan Chocho: And do whatever with it! Fhujeth: So he sneaks back stage using his "Totty Charisma Charm" and makes a fool of himself. OK! Yeah! This is fun :D Chocho: That doesn't involve a knife or irreperable damage, hahaha Yeah Fhujeth: it was an ideaaaaa ;.; Chocho: Totty can do things like join Nyaachan and idol fansites and post dick pics and nudes Chocho: No no, I mean, you can do dick things. XD Chocho: Just not involving knives Fhujeth: Totty: I AM CHOROMATSU MATSUNO I AM A REAL FAT OTAKU WITH NO PRIDE. I HAVE TWELVE BROTHERS SO IF YOU SEE A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE ME ITS TOTALLY NOT ME BECAUSE I AM GROSS AND NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE EXCEPT TO GO TO IDOL SHOWS :>

[This particular chatlog was about a "bodyswap" event we were going to do between Chochomatsu and Totally-Totty where the two (in each others bodies) go off to try and ruin each other's reputation.]

Chocho: Choromatsu's muttering that he'd like some boobies wrapped around him Chocho: Preferably belonging to Totoko and Nyaa-chan Chocho: Because he's scared of everybody else Fhujeth: Kara's man boobs Fhujeth: jk Chocho: I think that's something that people don't tend to realise with these guys... Or at least Karamatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu... Chocho: They're virgins... they're nerds and they're (deep down) introverted... they're scared of girls.. they're gagging for it, but they don't know what they're doing and it's been so long that when a girl DOES approach them, they panic Chocho: Jyushimatsu's too 8D to be bothered by it I think... Totty's practised with being around girls and Osomatsu is just... XD Chocho: But the other 3 don't have a clue what they're doing Chocho: Karamatsu acts like he's this hot piece of meat, but as soon as he actually potentially gets a date

["Kara's man boobs" was, of course, not in regards to ANYTHING we had been talking about. I ignored it.]

Chocho: Besides how weird that is Chocho: Lice prefer clean hair. Apparently. Not that Ichimatsu's hair wouldn't be clean, it's not even that messy Fhujeth: what a werid ask Chocho: Right? Chocho: *picks nose* Fhujeth: xD Fhujeth: ughhh Fhujeth: Totty: Ok, when I say Kara is fat he's not Chubby. -.- Chocho: Ichimatsu: What's the difference Fhujeth: Totty: He's.... fat... *does motion like pregnant*

[The "weird ask" "lice" part was in regards to an ask Chocho got mentioning about how anon was concerned that Ichimatsu would have lice because of his hair. I answered that one fairly close to the end of when I was interested in working on the blog if you really want to see it. The fat comment wasn't in regards to anything that we had been talking about.]

Chocho: This is actually a redraw of something from 2002/3 Fhujeth: Are those all saying he needs to lose weight? Chocho: No. XD Fhujeth: Oh

Fhujeth: Yeah! "Karamatsu Tax" Totty: He's so fat he has to be charged mroe to be drawn.

[This was in a conversation about somebody young who wanted to commission me, but had no money, who had been passed my details by somebody who had no idea that they couldn't afford to commission anybody. I had a waiting list for domatsu commissions at that point, so I couldn't warrant doing anybody artwork for free in that style (I didn't even have time to draw art for myself!) but the person wasn't taking no for an answer. Just before going to pressure the person who gave the young person a recommendation to come to me, Fhujeth said this. I won't share the rest of the log, because it has details (names/urls) about the young person and the person who pointed them in my direction. It was a misunderstanding from their part, so it's not fair to and I won't put them on the spot. This just had nothing to do with the subject.]

Chocho: ah, they're around Fhujeth: AHH Fhujeth: I'll try to see if choromatsu becomes available Fhujeth: i need Fhujeth: tots Chocho: ded Fhujeth: No sign of Pink Legless man yet! The only way he could lose that weight was cutting it off :( Chocho: who totty? Chocho: i take it the idea of that machine is to push kara off the platform? Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: however that is don Chocho: e Fhujeth: just.... poke at hit until his fatass falls off... probablly.... seeing if you can scoop it otherwise just start at one end and try to push it in one direction then flip to the other end x.x it looks money consuming Chocho: there is only one claw Fhujeth: Yeah I mean by one side being his butt and then head Chocho: i see Chocho: i don't care for that one anyway, i only want choros

[This was about that online crane game you can win real prizes from, Toreba I think? Fhujeth was talking about the available prizes and how to win them.]

Chocho: choro's the rude one? Fhujeth: XD No. Totty knows he was wrong, he feels really bad. I think he'll get flung back and remain there like, "X.x" and then when he comes to try to "make it up" to his big brother whether it be getting in the way or mentioning that his brother has some issues with his shirt Fhujeth: or fat

[wait what]

What indeed... why is fat being randomly brought up as a subject in the middle of conversations so much if Fhujeth knew Chocho didn’t like it? If I know one of my friends doesn’t like something I don’t try to constantly push it in their face. This, to me, is an example of abuse in the opposite direction to what Fhujeth is claiming.

Fhujeth: My mom LOVES to watch the fat people shows like about the people so fat that they are like nothing but blobs and then they lose the weight

Fhujeth: Totty: EHHH? *huff* I.... I don't care either. Fhujeth: TottY: I DON'T CARE! (almost wrote cake) Chocho: chocho: sure! Fhujeth: Totty: To prove I don't care I will wear this fatsuit. Chocho: chocho: go on then Chocho: chocho: post photos of you in it to twitter too

Fhujeth: Jyushimatsurepliez took the leaf off Totty and now Totty is a Tanuki I'ma draw him kinda fat but not with big balls Fhujeth: But fat animals are not gross like people

Fhujeth: Finally Totty is fat xD

[By the last month this was what MOST of the conversations were about, it always went back to fat, not because I wanted it to. Where my text is lower case, it's because I was fucking done, I was so sick of this topic, the only way I could bounce it back was using humour.]

I would be fucking done by this point too. If someone I thought was a friend was constantly throwing a subject I didn’t like at me, despite me saying I didn’t like it and I don’t want to talk about it, I’d be seriously pissed off.

Fhujeth: I really like Choro! Actually that was one I paid for too today was the idol choro mascot plush, I wonder if he'll be fat Fhujeth: I'll get him in a few days! Fhujeth: And hopefully he'll... be skinny. Fhujeth: but if he is fat he is ffat Fhujeth: Then we know. Fhujeth: But if he is skinny then you were blessed. Chocho: "blessed"

[This was out of nowhere too. For context with that plush, I ordered a Choromatsu from the second set of the first plush (I think?) that were available? It's the small keychain "mascot" where Choromatsu is in the green flannel shirt with glowsticks and a bandana. When mine came, he was overstuffed which made his face look... wide... I was somewhat upset because he was nowhere near what the first one looked like, I wanted one that looked like the one from the first set. Apparently by getting a "fat" Choro, I was "blessed".]

In my conversation with Fhujeth, she claimed this:

Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

Chocho gave me this chatlog to explain that the topic was, again, brought into the roleplay by Fhujeth - not the other way round:

Fhujeth: Totty: All old people have hard candy in their pockets, Choromatsu-niisan... It helps them remember what it's like to feel teeth. Chocho: chocho: no idea what you're talking about Fhujeth: Totty: *finds one* Ewww, it's sticky... Fhujeth: Totty: You should use this... *runs away and returns with a green bumbag/fannypack* Chocho: chocho: why would it be sticky in a wrapper in a bag? Fhujeth: Totty: It must've melted. Fhujeth: Totty: *it's not sticky* Chocho: chocho: if you don't want it, give it back Fhujeth: Totty: I want it... Fhujeth: Totty: *opens and eats it* :3c *realizes this was in his brothers pocket* *smiles still despite realizing how gross it is being in an old man's pocket too* :3c;;;;;;;; *spits it out* Fhujeth: Totty: It tastes good at least! Fhujeth: Totty: Is there a bag of fresh ones? Fhujeth: Totty: *carefully places bumbag on Choromatsu's waist* Hopefully it's not too small~ Fhujeth: Totty: *tightens it all the way, too tight* Chocho: chocho: argh why?!?!?! Fhujeth: Totty: Hmm it seems really tight on you... Fhujeth: *steps back, hand on chin Chocho: chocho: what are you doing to me?! you're trying to kill me Chocho: chocho: again Fhujeth: Totty: I'm giving you this bag to store candy and goods in! Chocho: chocho: stop tying it up so tight, i'm not a child i don't need the child setting!! Chocho: chocho: that HURTS you know! just like if i did it to you!! Fhujeth: Totty: Ah, you're right.. *loosens all the way* There, fat old man setting. *it still fits on him* Chocho: chocho: THERE IS NO "FAT OLD MAN" SETTING Chocho: chocho: todomatsu... *puts his hand on tottys shoulder* i'm sorry to break it to you, but... i'm not actually fat Chocho: chocho: here, let's see how YOU like it! *swiftly takes off the bag, whips it onto totty and yanks the strap as tight as it will go, harshly in a matter of a couple of seconds* Fhujeth: Totty: ... :S *ithurts* AGHHHH >< It's tight Chocho: chocho: hmm? what's that? it's tight? does it hurt? what a shame *huffs and stomps off* Fhujeth: Totty: *teary eyed immediately* Fhujeth: Totty: AHH TAKE IT OFF! *can't find the snappy part to undo it* CHOROMATSU-NIISANNNNNN!!!!! Chocho: chocho: *long gone*

[Just reading this I am so done, hahahaha! This is another example of us roleplaying and Fhujeth making it about how fat Chocho is. As I said, I just shrugged it off with humour. It ended up being about ridiculing Choromatsu and/or him being fat because she MADE it about it. She knew I didn't like it, so it always came up.]

I mean... this RP just looks playful and silly without context... but with all the above chatlogs taken into account, the obsession with fat and slobs evidently wasn’t coming from Chocho.

Chocho sent this to me which was posted by Fhujeth after the end of their friendship:

“Stop talking to other people”

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth was a claim that Chocho had told her to stop talking to so many other people so that Fhujeth had more time to talk to important people, i.e. Chocho:

It was little things like demanding that I stop "stretching myself thin so I can chat with the people who matter (her)" instead of jumping around from the dozen or so convos I am in a day.

Chocho showed me this chatlog of that event:

totally-totty The second the drama was done that is why I went and messaged you on domatsu to tell you my reply so you could see it in the morning but I was just getting over anxiety attack and stuff. I didn't want to tell you to go away or anything because I liked knowing you were right there... chochomatsu To be honest, trying to guilt trip me into swallowing my feelings isn't fair either really. totally-totty I dunno. I guess I just do the wrong things. chochomatsu It's not a case of telling me to go away, I would have still been there I know what it's like to have something come up where your mind feels stretched thin and you need to focus on one thing at once as it's really important totally-totty I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings. chochomatsu So really, you should have just said something like "hold on, I'm having a crisis with a friend over here, it's serious", I don't see anything wrong with that totally-totty I will remember to do that. I am learning just now I have so much to learn socially and that I am still so socially under developed with dealing with other people and that I am fucking retarded. I'm really bad with other people's feelings. chochomatsu Calling yourself "fucking retarded" is another form of guilt tripping, by the way.. trying to make the other person feel guilty for being hurt by your actions totally-totty No. I am not asking you to feel guilty about it. I need to get better and learn. I know I have flaws I need to work on it. chochomatsu That's why I'm telling you how it's coming across, that's all totally-totty Thank you. totally-totty I'm really sorry about yesterday it just started off hectic with the auction, I am sure you know that is very high pressure. So after that I was all antsy and didn't feel like drawing so I went around and just cleaned my whole room and then I swam and then I finally sat back down and we chatted some and I was sorta spaced out and then the drama with my friend started and I immediately went into that anxiety shock, you know what I mean? That anxiety shock where it's all, "omg, omg." totally-totty When I was antsy I also started a bunch of other chat conversations with people. x.x So I was distracted with those all day. So I was ignoring them all... I jumped around and would forget them all.

But back to us. I'm really sorry. It's weird when you're not on anymore... haha. I didn't mean to make you think you were annoying or bothersome, either. chochomatsu That's why I don't talk to many people at once totally-totty I'm starting to think I need to stop talking to so many people now. It's really mucked with things. chochomatsu The feeling of complete and utter disconnection and lack of care you get from somebody spreading their conversation capability so thin is extremely damaging Especially when it's from somebody you really enjoy or need to talk to totally-totty I agree, and I have noticed this has been happening especially as of late. Which is why I need to stop it. Because I'd rather talk to the friends I care about than other people.

[So... I didn't even bring it up, she was the one who said it. I just gave reasons as to why it might help her (and the people she talks to, not just me).]

Yeah, I’m not seeing abuse from Chocho here either. Chocho may have given a reason as to why she thought Fhujeth was doing damage to their friendship by trying to talk to many people at once, but isn’t this a valid concern? Fhujeth seemed to take it well here and agree with the stance. Also I do see manipulation of Chocho by Fhujeth with things like “I am fucking retarded” in an attempt to get a sort of “No you are not” response.

Another claim from Fhujeth was this:

It was little things that getting mad at me for being friends with some other people that hated Choromatsu.

Chocho had this to say:

[I never got mad at Fhujeth for being friends with anybody. I admit I got frustrated at people who hated on Choromatsu endlessly, but I'm sure anybody who had their favourites get hated on would feel the same way. I vented to Fhujeth about it, but never, ever attacked her over it. Who she's friends with is none of my business.]

Venting is wholly different than being mad at someone. There doesn’t seem to be chatlogs of this event from either side unfortunately.

Chochomatsu = Domatsu

This goes back to one of Fhujeth’s main claims of abuse from Chocho - that Domatsu and Chochomatsu were two blogs run by the same person but that Chocho refused to tell Fhujeth about it despite them being friends. Fhujeth said this to me:

We talked all day every day and we did the ask blog thing together. For me, it felt like a massive breach of trust when she pretended to be someone else to me. It's okay to want to start new but to lie to your friend that you're not someone is.... that feels very unsavoury.

Asking Chocho, this is the explanation:

Chocho: Interesting that she puts Chocho highly already though Chocho: He's existed for what half a month Fhujeth: Yeah you seem really tense Chocho: Yeah. =( Chocho: I have the magazine pic, your body pillow, jussy's commissions, that plush (Bob), THE NEXT DOMATSU UPDATE, chocho's asks, this birthday thing, just paid twice for my birthday present, probably going to have to do that again when Chibita finally shows up... Chocho: I'm trying!

[This is proof that Chocho existed for less than half a month by the time I told Fhujeth. I didn't tell ANYBODY about Chochomatsu at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the blog. If I had told anybody, even my closest friends, I would have basically had to be committed to it and I didn't want to seal myself in on a blog I wasn't even sure I'd keep. After a week or so, I felt I wanted to keep Chocho, so I let Fhujeth in on it and my other closest friends outside the fandom (I didn't really have any friends in the fandom besides Fhujeth. Funny that, huh?). Fhujeth was the only one who took offense. (Also, in regards to "we did the ask blog thing together"? That's because she always forced her way into my blog stories and pressured me when I wanted to use my own Totty. I wasn't allowed to even concept asking another Totty blog to be my Totty for any particular post.]

So, what, 2 weeks that Fhujeth didn’t know Chochomatsu and Domatsu were the same person? I am again finding myself not being able to see where the abuse is. Even if it had been kept a permanent secret, it’s another case of this multiple alias thing just... being a thing in the creative arts. Why is it abusive?

To follow on from the subject of Totty blogs, Chocho gave me some explanation as to what that meant:

Chocho: If I legit went and made a Totty blog instead, you'd let me rot domatsu? Fhujeth: No, what I meant was more like... Fhujeth: I don't think I could stand a chance against you and I'd probably have to quit myself. Fhujeth: And I'd see it as competitiion, I guess. Chocho: Why would you do that? Chocho: You know I can't write Totty as well as you Fhujeth: Because there is absolutely no way in hell I can compete with your art. Chocho: Character portrayal is more important than art though Fhujeth: well, not really on tumblr people care about art lots ;.; well, in the end of it all I'd be incredibly hurt like, "Errr, there's 6 guys and you legit going to drop the one to pick the one I play even tho we work so closely together now I'm doomed and we can't work together so much and now I guess we're frenemies." Basically I'd handly it all in a very immature and very bad fashion because I have a very childish competitive nature.... But you are more than welcome to I just wouldn't be able to handle it at all like a grown adult. Fhujeth: its not a threat lmao I legit don't think I;d handle it well XD I already get really competitive when I see other Totty blogs Chocho: Well, don't worry, I wouldn't. I only asked since you said you'd only let me if it was to make a Totty blog? Chocho: I think? Fhujeth: Noooo. Fhujeth: I don't want domatsu to rot at all I love it Chocho: *only let me quit Fhujeth: yeah because the immature fraction of my brain would say, "Uhhhhh...... this person who was my friend is now my enemy" Fhujeth: like blanca was thinking of making a todomatsu universe I said, "NO" Fhujeth: Not like that Chocho: Uh... how do you feel about my Totty then? =S Fhujeth: I like him! Fhujeth: But since you don't have him as a dedicated blog... Fhujeth: I'm not like, scared. Fhujeth: That he'll become something I have to worry over. Fhujeth: Since you're Karamatsu to me... Fhujeth: of course I don;t OWN him either I just don't want to get competitive Fhujeth: against friends... because I get really bad. Fhujeth: I am crazy agressive competitive person if I wanna be.... or I give up if I don't think I can do it. Fhujeth: this is a bad side of me... Fhujeth: a really bad side of me Chocho: Even if I gave him his own blog, it'd work in the same way as the rest of them. Fhujeth: Right, that is OK. I mean.... your Oso blog doesn't take asks and all really... Fhujeth: Wow I can already tell I would handle this terribly. Fhujeth: I am feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, God I am so immature :/ At least I am aware of this flaw but still... damn. Chocho: I'm not going to make a Totty ask blog, don't worry Fhujeth: T-Thank you..... Fhujeth: You're allowed to though. Fhujeth: I'd figure you'd go for Choro Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: I'm sorry....... Fhujeth: For how I just was Chocho: Oh, no, don't worry

Fhujeth: I just hope I didn't make you hate Totty Chocho: No Fhujeth: Did you fall out of love with him tho? Chocho: The only thing is that I feel pressured not to include him in blog things (as mine solo) because you've told me in the past that he's yours Fhujeth: Oh, I don't mean like that you can do that.. Chocho: So if you feel like he's not there much it's because I feel you'd be angry with me if I gave him screen time or his own blog Fhujeth: Hmm, I would feel nervous about his own blog but not screen time.... Chocho: Exactly Fhujeth: Because you do so much better than me... XD;; it's more like Chocho: That's why he's not around Fhujeth: You could basically run me out of business... I guess... Chocho: I really doubt it Fhujeth: Look how fast Chocho grew and he is the same popular as Todo Chocho: Apparently he became one of the more expensive ones, so I don't think that's true... Fhujeth: i dunno. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want. Fhujeth: ^^ Fhujeth: If you run me out of business you run me out of business it's just the way it'd go. XD Chocho: I can't run anybody "out of business", it's not a business. ._. People haven't stopped with Karamatsu or Choromatsu blogs because domatsu and chochomatsu exist for example... Chocho: I managed to get enough for a gacha again and I got red hoodie Osomatsu. =/ Fhujeth: No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point". That is what I got and I was so mad. Fhujeth: But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you. Chocho: And that's why Todomatsu isn't around at all on my blogs Because it would be my fault if you quit Chocho: It's not that I don't like him, more that I'm... not really allowed Fhujeth: Ahh, no, please, don't say that. Fhujeth: Please do what you want. Fhujeth: ==inadifferentveinifeellikeishouldquitnowsighs== why is this all so complicated. can we talk this out just so you can understand where I come from and then you can see that you can do as you wish? :3 Chocho: See? Now I've made you want to quit just by saying that I wanted to separate dematsu into 4 blogs. =S Fhujeth: You can Chocho: I know where you're coming from, you've explained before Chocho: But this is why Totty hasn't been around on my end, that's all Fhujeth: It's not like it's going to be super active or anything like chocho or domatsu .... Chocho: Respecting your wishes Fhujeth: no? Or is it Chocho: It is! You told me you didn't want me to be Totty and that you would feel threatened and annoyed if I did Fhujeth: It would be more active? Please do as you wish. Please don't let me stop you.. Fhujeth: Honest. Fhujeth: But now I feel bad because you want to do something and you feel like I am stopping you. Fhujeth: All I was doing was expressing my feelings but I didn't want you to actually not do something because of me. I am not that selfish. I'll deal with it on my own. Chocho: Nah, it's fine. As long as you know that it's not that I don't like Totty! Fhujeth: I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something. Fhujeth: I'm really torn right now. Fhujeth: I'm gonna go away for a while and lay down... x.x I am too conflicted. I do not own a character, so please, by all means, you have every right. Chocho: This is why I didn't do anything! >_< Fhujeth: But you want to!

This is quite an obvious example of gaslighting... “You could basically run me out of business” ... “Don't let me stop you from doing what you want.” ... “No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point".” ... “But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you.” ... “Please do what you want.” ... “I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something.” ... “But you want to!”

Seriously... that is some powerful manipulative flip-flopping in an attempt to scare Chocho out of making a Totty blog.

Back to the issue of Chochomatsu and Domatsu being the same person...

[Also, she approached Chocho and pressed for conversation, not the other way around.]

05/19/2016 mr-flag hii ^^ welcome to the ask blog world! I am gonna answer you ask, sorry it';s coming form this blog you only follow this of my blogs <3 I am totally-totty too your choro is super cute <3 I might answer it though in a bit I am not sure yet the timing I have..... I wanna answer it now.... chochomatsu Oh! I thought I was following your Totty blog! I can see it on my dash right now! :O Are you sure? Maybe I need to unfollow and follow again???

[Chocho's blog was started on the 17th of May, 2016. Fhujeth approached the blog on the 19th of May 2016. 2 days after the blog was born.]

Chocho went on to explain that Fhujeth had been accusing her of having a Totty blog before the end of working on the Domatsu blog:

Fhujeth: you are capable of a lot.... i'd not be surprised if you had a totty blog already and I didn't know of it XD Fhujeth: not that you'd be that deceptive Chocho: I'd ummed and ahhed about Chocho for a couple of months before I did him... and I hesitated before I posted him first post even... I felt really guilty about him to be honest. Nah, I really really don't have a Totty blog I have domatsu and it's partner blogs, Chocho and Wakuwaku. And I don't do anything with Waku... since he chills out on Chocho's blog all the time. Fhujeth: Oh I am not accusing you of one...

[She was falsely accusing me of having a Totty blog back before I had even stopped doing Domatsu too. She accused me of a lot to be honest, with no grounds. And how do you prove you don't have something when you don't have something? She always put me on the spot for things I couldn't prove otherwise because they didn't exist.]

“Oh I am not accusing you of one...” Oh really? That’s what it sounds like to me.

In my experience, Fhujeth has been accusing Chocho of running a Totty blog for a very long time. A lot of people in this fandom already know that Fhujeth accused Chocho of being Todomatshu/Shu/Boots - another good friend of mine. This is in fact connected to the Totty Club situation as Shu was the founder and the one maintaining the list of members and such. The Totty Club drama is of course where most of my bad experiences with Fhujeth come from and it is difficult to prove to someone that two blogs are two different people when both people have been scared into not wanting anything to do with Fhujeth at all. I don’t have saved proof, but I have personally witnessed Chocho and Shu in a drawpile session together, working on separate drawings at the same time.

Fhujeth’s words:

totty Like I said too, I wasn't there at the drawpile. I guess one of my other friends was and said something how Chocho emulated Shu's style effortlessly and flawlessly but that is all I know. It falls back down to proof, again. I wasn't there just like you weren't there. I don't know. I'm not going to tell people Shu is Chocho. I don't even bring any of them up in name anymore.

I know which friend Fhujeth is talking about and this is not the same drawpile session I’m talking about. They weren’t there. In fact this friend she mentions is almost certainly the one that leaked chat from the Totty Club discord we had that triggered a lot of the drama with Fhujeth to begin with. I wish I had proof of the drawpile claim but I don’t. I didn’t think to take screenshots - we were all busy drawing and having fun. To this day I get the very strong impression that Fhujeth still believes Chocho and Shu are the same person.

I can’t give chatlogs as proof that they aren’t the same person as no logs I have access to have anything that would prove or disprove anything to do with this issue. The only other thing I can possibly add to this is that in the days of the Totty Club discord I could occasionally see Chocho and Boots (Shu) typing at the same time. Again, no proof, I don’t record my screen!

This entire situation was abusive to all of us. It ripped the Totty Club apart - people were unable to trust other members, Shu in particular, because of Fhujeth’s unfounded claims. As always, Chocho preferred to remain quiet about anything to do with Fhujeth at the time. I have to say I now understand why that was. I also finally understand why Fhujeth was so persistent about Shu being Chocho - she was STILL paranoid that Chocho was running a Totty blog and was attempting to be in direct competition with her.

The Pain Incident

Before I go on with this issue I have to explain why this is the last one I’m bringing up despite it being one of the main things Fhujeth presented as evidence that Chocho was abusive to her. It needs everything that has been explained previously to make sense and to give context, otherwise it comes across as very one-sided and it’s hard to see why the things being said are actually being said. The events of the previous months lead up to this final situation.

First of all, the claim Fhujeth presented to me:

Uhh. Okay, day before is what we're talking about. We were in a convo and she was super into collecting all the Choros for it so the first thing she said was like, "aww I didn't get X choro in the roll" she immediately showed me a drawing after that and I replied with a very stock reply of, "I'm sorry" or something, but as I was sitting down my back just died on me. So I started to panic like, "oh my god I am in so much pain holy shit ahhhhhhafsdgsdfhgdhdg" which obviously caused me to not reply to the drawing cause I was in physical pain and now spazzing about how i'm at home alone and scared and that idk what to do and I can't call anyone and idk where my mom is and i am scared. I was freaking out. She mentioned the drawing again but I just was sorta like.... in freaking out mode by then. I eventually got to the floor, got proper care after laying on the floor home alone for an hour with the anxiety now that my friend hated me and that I was home alone and couldn't move. After my mom came home and I got treated for the pain I came up to apologize on utox and what not and the last message she had written was, "ugh whatever i'm gonna go watch tv"

When I brought this part up with Chocho...

[This is another thing that needs FAR more backstory than Fhujeth gives... but of course she wouldn't give the whole story I suppose... =T In any case, this event happened after months and months of her complaining about her back pain (and other pains, she was just apparently constantly in pain and on pain medication) and shooting down my ideas for ways to get it seen to or ease the apparent pain. Eventually, especially by the last month, I was sick of hearing it and starting to doubt it was actually as bad as she always said it was. It ALWAYS came up, but she was NEVER willing to do anything about it because money and weed is more important.]

Fhujeth: Yeah. I hope I can. x.x I am like, really.... blah. Chocho: Do you think it has to do with the med you had to drop and the lack of weed at all? =( Chocho: Some kind of withdrawal symptoms? Fhujeth: Oh, hey, would you be willing to reblog my promo post? You don't have to... because you probably don't want that on your wall right now, but yeah. Any withdrawl would be gone now. Chocho: Combined with the pain of your slipped disc Chocho: Cos that is not pleasant Fhujeth: I am used to the pain, that is not like, a thing that gets me. Chocho: Pain gets to anybody. u.u Fhujeth: It adds to it but it's not like.... what is angering me. Chocho: Is it the education thing? Chocho: Also, brb!! Fhujeth: Nah, it's the "I am pissed at my friend for not keeping me away from game centers even if I beg because I have no self control and will pile through hundreds of dollars easy because I am mentally sick and can't control myself even tho I begged them the other day to keep me away." Fhujeth: "I am pissed at them too for forgetting that shop exists after I spent a TOOOOON of money on blind bags.

Wow... just to comment here... that’s really not your friend’s responsibility. If you can’t control your own spending don’t put the blame on someone else! You’re saying right there that you have no self control and yet you’re pissed at someone else...

Fhujeth: Ahhh the chronic pain is so... Fhujeth: awakening Chocho: Your slipped disc? =( Chocho: I bet it is! Fhujeth: yeah and then like just pain everywhere else it's kinda messed up Chocho: How are you, besides your disc? =< Fhujeth: Sore xD Chocho: <=( How long have you been suffering this for? Fhujeth: Since I got here for sure uhhh, for the one on the higher part my back, since 2012 I had diagnosed a disc in my lumbar that was out but it is ok now Chocho: Hmm... >_< Can they pop back in place? Fhujeth: I don't have health insurance atm Fhujeth: so I can't get it treated Chocho: I meant on their own. =( Fhujeth: It could I guess Fhujeth: depends on the damage Fhujeth: basically it's really tender at this one spot and then it causes all the muscles to tense around it Fhujeth: and all the walking has been really bad Fhujeth: I get back from going out and the pain is so intense Chocho: Yeah... =( Hmm.. Can you get a hold of heat or massage packs that might help? Fhujeth: I have.... some menthol strips I been sticking on they help a bit Chocho: Mm! At least you have something! ;o; Fhujeth: yeah :D Fhujeth: and ibuprofen Chocho: Ibuprofen is amazing

Chocho: Yeah, came back from the doctor and Zenryoku Batankyu had finally arrived. =D Fhujeth: Ramen is not really healthy and the high sodium must ause inflamation and I am in insane pain today from it!! AHHH Congrats!!!! I should pick up those CDs Fhujeth: so are you ok :3 like from the doctor? Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;;; Yeah, that's not good... I hope you feel better!

Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: Woow!! Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: That is already more support than I have gotten @-@ That is so cool! Fhujeth: ahh i feel crappppy Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* I miss my Dad. =( Ahhh, still bad? ;m; Is there anything you can take? Fhujeth: ahh I am sorry you miss him ;.; Fhujeth: Yeah, weed, but I am waiting on my damn mom to finish with the laundryyyyyy Chocho: I haven't gotten to see him in a few years now, darn lack of money. Ohhh, would weed help then? Fhujeth: it helps me with pain, most. XD; It makes me forget I am in it.

Just to be completely clear, that chatlog has obvious edits to protect the privacy of Chocho and her father.

Fhujeth: Totty: See? I'm a lot cuter, and I have like, a better personality, and my eyebrows are well shaped and maintained. :3 Chocho: Ichimatsu: *holds up another drawing similar to the first except it has "shaped eyebrows" drawn on* Fhujeth: Totty: o_o *pulls out phone and checks self* No, wait, that could be deceiving me *runs to body length mirror in closet* *looks ok* ??? Fhujeth: (ugh my joints hurt) Chocho: Is it all the pain? =( Fhujeth: i dunno they just hurt all the sundde l.l Fhujeth: sudden^ Chocho: Hmm.... have you been tensing because of the rash? Fhujeth: not sure o.o Fhujeth: I'm sooo tired tho Chocho: I really hope the doctor can help on Monday. =(

Chocho: The idol otaku I mean Fhujeth: I am looking for those online @-@ They were lottery prizes too Fhujeth: it looks like there was when I was looking a big set and a small set, only the big set has choro and kara with the jackets and all Chocho: Yeah, I wanted the big set! Fhujeth: they look cute! if i seem weird today it's because I am in intense pain !! Chocho: Okay, I hope you feel better. =(

Fhujeth: like the one in the tv Fhujeth: ? Chocho: I imagine so! Fhujeth: it hurts to moveee ffff Chocho: Like the one on South Park Fhujeth: I might lay down with the tens unit -- yeah! Chocho: Okay! I hope you feel better!! Chocho: Thanks for listening to a part of my teens. XD Fhujeth: Not right now! I need to draw... but it just so distracting. No problem same for me! Fhujeth: You said someone you know how a disc issue right? Chocho: Oh, yeah, my Dad has I think Fhujeth: ok ^^ Chocho: Why do you ask? Fhujeth: if you know how it is like at all :o Chocho: Well, I don't have it personally.. =o Fhujeth: Mine is pretty painful at times! Like, "this hurts a lot I might puke" painful

Chocho: I love all the spinning they put into these intros, hahaha Chocho: Skillz Chocho: ZARD... ;m; Fhujeth: i miss the mid 00 Fhujeth: s Chocho: 8th opening with the dancing. XD Chocho: I don't miss the 00s at all Chocho: It was more of a time of suffering for me than I even realised Fhujeth: For me i grew a lot. if I reply slow right now it is because i wanna finish this art and go lay downb ecause pain

Chocho: I wouldn't want to send out my rare badge and get nothing Fhujeth: True! Fhujeth: ahh i slept really bad on my back Fhujeth: i am in so much pain i can't focus that is why i am on so late Chocho: Did you take some painkillers? =(

Fhujeth: Thanks! Chocho: No probs! Fhujeth: "wh-why is everything distorted" Fhujeth: Heh I wish I didn't have caffiene addiction so I didn't have to drink cofffee this morning! Chocho: How come? Fhujeth: It's a stimulant so it's going to make my anxiety worse too.. Though the inital effects the the pot should be out of my system by now I am confused @_@ Oh well. I wish it would stop. I'll shut up about it XD Chocho: I hope it passes for you, really! Fhujeth: I hope it passes too because it's more painful to be sitting on the computer and being awake and trying to be alive than it is laying in bed pretending I don't exist! I'm fighting so hard to go back to bed and not exist!

Chocho: Karamatsu's enjoying it at least Chocho: Vados wasn't even in the 3 episodes we watched, only the intros for a second or so Fhujeth: Sorry for not talking lots I have weird muscle pain going down my arms -.x Chocho: S'all right! Fhujeth: i've felt shitty I hope nothing is seriously wrong lmao Chocho: It's probably one huge body shock combination or jet lag and coming back from Japan and infection and tiredness Fhujeth: yeah ;.; Chocho: Probably sister and mother induced stress to put the cherry on top

Fhujeth: invisible trauma from being fickin Chocho: that's not a work book Fhujeth: nyaachan fanbook Fhujeth: omg i just sorta fixed my back but I hear if I move my disc will slip back in place Chocho: oh? Fhujeth: Yeah I used a TENS to stop all the pain and decompressed my back and it doesn't hurt right now but I am scared to move Chocho: that's no good Fhujeth: no and i guess i don't qualify for obama care or something so I do not get insurance Fhujeth: ahh well

Fhujeth: No. It stinks bad too. Chocho: as do cat farts Fhujeth: Yes. XD Fhujeth: I cannot stay up at all @_@ Chocho: too tired? Fhujeth: pain Fhujeth: and that time of month Chocho: i seeee Fhujeth: but my back being like a squished sandwich cookie is kinda gross Chocho: yeah... Chocho: i hope you feel better Chocho: wanna talk totty? Chocho: would that help at all? Chocho: cos Chocho: i mean Chocho: it's totty

Fhujeth: I accidentally hit end task when fixing something else - I have a lot to do but I am getting it done I am just freaking out some because my mom is making me do the back porch and I am only a third done, I'm in intense pain and I wanna get Jussy this commission by tonight!

Fhujeth: Are you feeling okay? Chocho: why do you ask? Fhujeth: Because you're my friend and I am concerned about your well being? Chocho: oh i meant if you thought i was acting weird or something Chocho: i have a headache and i'm peeved but otherwise ok thanks Chocho: you? Fhujeth: My back wont get better and the pain is intense no matter what I do and I'm running out of pot and the guy who was supplying me left the country I think Chocho: i remember you mentioning about the pot guy... Fhujeth: So I might be weird a few days after I 100% run out. x.x Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: But I need to figure out more pain managment ideas because it's pretty much at the point where I am unable to do very much. It's excrutiating to bend down to feed the cats and I haven't done hardly any housework in the past few weeks that required hevy lifting and when i was powerwashing the other day the pain was insane. Fhujeth: but yeah! That's how I've been! Fhujeth: Otherwise I've bene okay emotionally! Chocho: there has to be other ways Chocho: my friend goes to massage therapy and accupuncture for his pain Fhujeth: I have something that is like accupuncture! The problem is I don't have health insurance, otherwise I'd be all over physical therapy x.x Chocho: you're gonna be saving a buck by not buying weed Fhujeth: I think a session for physical therapy will cost me half a month's supply of weed Chocho: just go every 2 weeks Fhujeth: When I went they wanted me to go 2 or three times a week (I forget how many times but it was like 15 sessions) for some very specific things (sessions were 45 minutes and were workout, massage, stretch, and decompression, and TENS). I'll see if there is anything the state! I think right now my best option will have to be the way most americans manage pain... XD our ridiculously heavy duty pain killers that kill us slowly and surely.

[This log was nearing the end of us talking. She literally asked me how I was JUST to talk about how much pain SHE was in, then say she's not willing to pay for care.]

Chocho: but he gets bad bad pain Fhujeth: Ah! Ok! I have back pain! I wish had healthcare! I'll look into things more. I was thinking of getting one of those inversion tables! Chocho: heat pad might help too Fhujeth: I use heat, ice, and a mini-tens unit! (also those are great for cramp pain!) Fhujeth: Oh I remember what helped too is that stinky rub Chocho: i think if it's that bad, your pain, you should try these things out, if only a couple of times... like the massage treatment Chocho: it may well super help Fhujeth: I did twice! Fhujeth: err, I did physical therapy twice Chocho: ah well there you go Fhujeth: like 40 sessions! It helped but I went a lot. Chocho: i don't really have any other ideas Fhujeth: It's ok! Chocho: dried cranberries Fhujeth: What do those do :O Chocho: some kind of pain relief, i'm not sure

Fhujeth: I am in. So. much. Pain right now. I'm wanted to stay at the computer and still play sm but I think I'm gonna have to lay down and try to work on my back at the same time. What else do I need to do for Choromatsu and the meds :3

Fhujeth: i am so much pain i can't hardly walk Chocho: maybe you should rest.... Fhujeth: I'm gonna when the game comes try to lay on the floor with my legs up and try to get my spine to at least not hurt... gonna try to get some other work sorted first Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: Sorry for whining I'm kinda scared it's never been this bad and it wont stop Chocho: it's all right Chocho: i hjust hope you can get some relief Fhujeth: I have some vicadin it just recently expired i think...

Chocho: i looked up slipped disc treatment Chocho: "It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain. Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time. In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve. Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve. " Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: i still recommend massages Chocho: once every 2 weeks Chocho: if you're in that much pain, surely it's worth a try? Fhujeth: I have a thing I am going to start to use for massages and start with it... I think mine isn't a slipped disc though it's the next step above that (unless it's the same name) Fhujeth: But massage would def help Fhujeth: I wonder if there is a place here that can do it not as a "spa" Chocho: it would be worth looking into if you're going to not be spending that $ on weed... use it on something else to help the pain Chocho: i would Fhujeth: Yeah I know! Trust me, I know. ;.; I tried doing some other stuff like laying the way you're supposed to but it felt like uhh how to word it..... Fhujeth: I was more sore when I got up

What stood out to me in this one was just how willing Chocho still was to help Fhujeth out with her pain despite everything that Fhujeth had put her through up until now. But it’s being mentioned so much it’s difficult to know how bad the pain really is.

Chocho: good Fhujeth: Ugh I am trying to massage the area and the pain got like 50 times worse Fhujeth: I think Chocho: i think it may well be a case of worse before better Fhujeth: it might wear off Chocho: cos you're shocking the system Fhujeth: Yeah. shocking the system? Chocho: yeah, as in it's not what your back is expecting Chocho: kind of like ice stings before it numbs Fhujeth: I hope! I feel kinda tense now x.x;

[These all lead up to the "day" where I was finally done with the topic always being about how much pain Fhujeth was in and me not being all too sure how much of it was true and how much was attention seeking... turns out the time I was finally done was the worst time to be done.]

[The pain stuff, whether is was a headache, a migraine, rashes, aches after working in the garden, her back or anything else... basically started, at the latest, around April when she was in Japan (condering that we first started talking at the very end of February that year). From that point, talk about pain came up all the time, it was draining and the pain just "escalated" all the time. And it continued right up to when I said I wanted out (Which was the end of November the same year).]

The logs here are just from the utox app and Chocho says these are not all the mentions of pain from Fhujeth.

This is where we got onto talking about the ignored artwork...

[I actually shared the artwork first, then commented about the Tabimatsu event. Her back didn't "escalate" until I mentioned "let's ignore it" about the art (which to be honest, she ignored my art a fair few times before then) which I had been actually drawing out some of our roleplay we had been doing, which I had been doing to try and distract her from the apparent pain. By this point, she had been complaining about "bad pain" so much (crying wolf, basically) that I... have to say, I no longer believed the severity. Here's the chatlog. With that in mind, you can see I'm tired of this same situation over and over, it just happened to be the worst time to make a comment. Either that or she escalated it BECAUSE I made a comment? I don't know, I can't be sure, I was only on the other side of the screen. After a while she went silent, so when I decided to go watch TV with my boyfriend, I left the note saying I was. It was blunt because I was annoyed, which I assume came across as heartless to people she showed. Sadly, timestamps weren't kept, so that context is lost.

Apparently the people who she showed at least partial logs to, she didn't mention that I was drawing the pictures to entertain her and help distract her, nor that I asked if she took pain meds and if they would help. Basically the only part she kept of mine was "thanks for ignoring my pic", I was told. So THIS is the "edited chatlogs" I mentioned. Editing means conveniently dropping details from the conversation too, being that because you've only shown snippits or because you've dropped lines entirely...]

Chocho: *PIC WAS HERE* Chocho: i never managed to get school uniform choromatsu from the event before it ends Chocho: there's no way i can get enough coins for another spin before the event goes, which sucks Fhujeth: I'm sorry >< Chocho: it's okay i guess what can i do? let's ignore it [<- note, this was me hinting about the ignored artwork] Fhujeth: uhhhhh my back is Fhujeth: very bad Fhujeth: atm Fhujeth: i am home alone Chocho: thanks for ignoring my pic can you get any painkillers or do ones like ibuprofen or paracetamol not work? Fhujeth: this is emergency Chocho: or do you have any of that one that worked the other day? Fhujeth: your pic is good I like it Fhujeth: sorry I am panicing Chocho: mmhmm [<- note, this is a response to “your pic is good I like it”, not that she is panicking] Fhujeth i can't move Chocho: have you got any of the one you used the other day Fhujeth: i can't move Chocho: the one that let you sleep well Fhujeth: like my back is that much pain i can't move Fhujeth: i am like leaning ovef in my chait Fhujeth: your picture, I like it! I am really sorry I can't focus right now. I don't mean to ignore it I'm freaking out and in a lot of pain and I can't do anything Chocho: i don't have any advice left Fhujeth: there is no advice Fhujeth: i am stuck here and scared Fhujeth: and hurting Fhujeth: till my mom gets back Fhujeth: i'ma try to fb her Fhujeth: she coming home Fhujeth: im trying t figur out how to get to the floor Chocho: im going to go watch tv

This is the conversation that happened a day before the chatlog that Fhujeth gave me as evidence that Chocho didn’t care about her pain while only being interested in the fact that Fhujeth ignored an artwork. After all of the previous “I am in pain!” claims how was Chocho supposed to know that THIS one was a dire emergency? Anyone who is told about someone else’s pain that many times is going to be desensitized to it and it becomes very difficult to tell what is bad and what is REALLY bad. Because Chocho wasn’t convinced that it was apparently an emergency, Fhujeth accuses Chocho of abuse.

Fhujeth claimed that the question about painkillers was insulting:

I might've forgotten when I worded the story but I rectified that. That was something that to me was more an insult than a concern because if I am in pain OF COURSE I am going to take pain meds.

Chocho gave me these...

Fhujeth: it's just she wants me to clean always at the worst time so I try to get it done in the am Chocho: That's a good idea.. u_u Fhujeth: There, now if I have to do anything it'll be powerwash Fhujeth: which I might do in a few minutes Fhujeth: because also if this pain gets worse I'll be unable to clean at all! Chocho: Hmm.. =( Have you been taking painkillers or..? Fhujeth: I will in a bit if it gets worse it's ok right now :3 Fhujeth: roombas are great (robot vaccuums) ahh Chocho: Okay! ;w; Just don't suffer too much, all right? <3 Hahaha, I bet! XD Fhujeth: oh I wont :3

Fhujeth: ahh my head hurts Chocho: How come? D= Fhujeth: not sure o_o Chocho: Headache? Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: Can you take painkillers? D= Fhujeth: Yeah I may... brb gonna do the dishes Chocho: OK

Fhujeth: whch pattern Fhujeth: For kara? Chocho: Yeah! => Chocho: See if it's possible to shrink down Chocho: I doubt it cos it has small parts. XD Chocho: It might not even be worth trying... Fhujeth: I have a badddd migraine Chocho: Did you take painkillers? =< Fhujeth: Yeah not working x.x Chocho: Did you take paracetamol AND ibuprofen together?

Fhujeth: it's ok! also happy birthday again Chocho: Thank-you! ;w; Fhujeth: x3 no problem, I wish my head didn't hurt so bad. Chocho: Did you take ibuprofen AND paracetamol? =< You didn't answer Fhujeth: what is paracetamol? Chocho: It's a painkiller.. =o Chocho: One of the most common... Chocho: You can take it with ibuprofen as long as the ibuprofen you took doesn't have it in it. => Chocho: And it acts like a double whammy because it attacks pain in a different way Fhujeth: Ahhh, no I don't have that Chocho: Might be worth checking your painkillers to make sure they don't have it in already, then getting some if they don't! =o Fhujeth: it's hard to get that stuff here. Chocho: Is Japan really stingy with painkillers or something> Chocho: *? Fhujeth: well you can only get them in a pharmacy Chocho: Cos paracetamol is... the standard painkiller Fhujeth: I will sleep soon Chocho: Okay! ;w; Sounds like a good idea since you're in so much pain! Fhujeth: Yeah... I wanted to finish the bag but I will when I wake up. Chocho: Good idea.. =< Chocho: Don't suffer, you know? Fhujeth: Yeah x.x I am suffering at this point Chocho: You should try to rest! =< Chocho: Especially with a migraine Fhujeth: Yeah, I will sleep now!!!! Goodnight :3

Fhujeth: Back.. are you feeling betteR? Chocho: Yeah, you? Fhujeth: Nope x.x Chocho: Still in pain? Fhujeth: Yeah. ;.; Chocho: Did you take any painkillers? =) Chocho: *=( Chocho: Heh, shouldn't be smiling at that Fhujeth: it's ok XD You seemed pretty pissed at me when I left so... about to! Chocho: I was pissed at the world Fhujeth: I am used to people taking their frustrations out on me XD;; So I sorta knew you were upset about many things but I felt like I was in firing range. Did you wanna post that thing? Chocho: Ohhh no, I might have ranted about things to you but I don't go about ATTACKING my friends

[Any time she was in pain, I suggested/asked about painkillers and usually she hadn't even bothered to take them... so... painkillers were the first thing I always asked about every time.]

So hang on... every other time painkillers were brought up it was Chocho being helpful and it was appreciated... but this one time where ignored artwork also happened to be involved is was hugely insulting? I don’t get it.

And something else I’d like to mention. I’ve never seen Fhujeth mention pain before. There are endless instances of it in the logs from Chocho, but past Chocho saying goodbye to Fhujeth...?? Maybe it’s only ever in private conversations... but just a thought.

Part of Fhujeth’s conversation with me:

Ah, to add, yeah. So that event happened, I didn't log into the chat we used (utox) the next day so that night they IMd me talking just about 'Oh I guess Totty has big balls now" or something cause the yokai set came out... :S and I was like, "Wait are you for real you're not gonna ask how I am after that?"

Chocho gave more logs:

11/22/2016 chochomatsu just gotta say choromatsu is very amused that todomatsu is a tanuki and what that implies totally-totty Yeah. chochomatsu i'll leave you be

totally-totty And. The "icing on the cake" was instead of you sending me something saying, "are you ok? i know you were in a lot of pain yesterday." You had to tell me about Tanuki Balls. I think you're a great person and I like to RP and interact and chat with you but I think you think I don't care about you. chochomatsu tanuki balls? totally-totty Isn't that what your first message to me implied? chochomatsu not really besides the fact that that was trying to start conversation i wasn't even thinking about tanuki balls totally-totty What were you implying in your first message? chochomatsu tanuki's are portrayed/commonly seen as fat that's all are they supposed to have big balls too? totally-totty Yeah.

[The continuation of the "chatlog evidence" that Fhujeth cropped out, revealing that I wasn't actually talking about tanuki balls at all, but actually that tanukis are portrayed as fat, something she kept pushing on Choromatsu (and earlier, when I was working on Domatsu, Karamatsu) that is now Todomatsu instead. Even though I flat out explained myself there and then, I guess she thought that messaging her about tanuki balls was more offensive and better to use as "evidence", so she cropped the rest out.... also, one of the lines in her chatlog is out of order. Here's the true order;]

FHU'S 'EVIDENCE' ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

chochomatsu here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

TRUE ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

So... edited chatlogs? It’s a minor edit but it significantly changes the flow of the conversation in Fhujeth’s favor when read in the order Fhujeth showed it.

Additionally...

Fhujeth: I am back now! I have to try to clean my side of the house that is what I was doing the other day when we were talking when pain got me ;.; now it's all messy again and I am terrified so if I say that I am in very bad pain again it's probably the same as yesterday! I'll try not to "cry wolf" with pain that is tolerable from now on to help clear things up! Fhujeth: the day before^ Chocho: take it easy, ok?

[Fhujeth even admitted she had been crying wolf about her back pain before the fight after the event.]

[I found out later from others that Fhujeth chased all my potential friends away by spreading tiny nasty rumours about me to people who were other ask blogs in the fandom, in an attempt to keep them away from me. Telling them things like I was SO controlling and had a huge ego/bad attitude. I had no idea this was going on, but apparently she started super early into our friendship (the domatsu days, before chocho existed).]

[I found, after I had broken away from Fhujeth that I realised that she had really... muddied my mind. The way she was so quick to aggression or even a full out argument (which I really did not want) made me just nod along and agree with her nasty comments and tactics in order to defend myself from potential fallout and I felt disgusting about that after I broke away and my mind was cleared. I rarely stood up for my beliefs and morals whilst talking to her. I mean, sometimes I did? But usually I didn't. I dunno if maybe the people who talk to her now are doing that very same thing now themselves. She just had this toxic atmosphere that infects you. After I walked away I found that my mood was instantly more positive, even though she was trying her very best to destroy me publicly and privately. The absolute hell she put me and my name through after I left was actually less stressful than the frustration and pressure I had to deal with daily whilst we were talking, especially near the end.]

[Fhujeth would fight about /anything/. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed arguments (which I really, really do not) and liked to spur drama. So I would try and avoid that at all costs, not calling them out on their poor behaviour or bad morals because I didn't want to argue about things, ever. And the fights took forever, they lasted sometimes hours I think because you just can't be right against her. Even when the argument was as stupid as "what the right way to play DDR is". I could never win because she would never reconsider her opinion/point/stance. Basically the only way out of the argument was bowing down and saying "you're right, I'm wrong, you win". But of course, the response to that is always negative (and insulted) because she wants the argument to continue I suppose. And of course, if you're angry, the way you pitch "LET'S END THIS" is always going to be angry. I'm actually quite hard to anger and yet she managed repeatedly. Possibly more times in a single year than anybody on their own has managed to do (besides maybe my brother if we count my entire life). I can't believe just how many times I say I'm frustrated or angry or peeved or upset in these chatlogs looking back... it doesn't sound like me... <=/;;; Cos I'm not usually angry or peeved or upset... tired maybe... XD;;]

Fhujeth claimed to me that she was the one that tried to get away from Chocho.

That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Chocho gave me a small chatlog with her point of view...

Fhujeth: You having a good day today? Chocho: Yeaaah, enough. You? Fhujeth: Eh, was ok, Jussy did something minor but irritating to me Chocho: Really? =S What did she do? Fhujeth: she messaged me on two seperate accounts of mine within 5 minutes of each other saying Hi on one and "boop" on the other at 5am XD Chocho: Ugghhh... you might wanna tell her that it was 5am and you didn't appreciate it... Chocho: She probably doesn't think time zones Fhujeth: it was more so the... probably... 5 minutes within each other. I can get after a few hrs or osmething if it is important but just to say hi...... within 5 minutes is.... strange Fhujeth: Cus I know I messaged you twice the same day on different accounts but it was after a fight.... and it was over the span of a day. :S Fhujeth: But this was like 3 minutes or less even.. and not even to say anything.... important...

[By the last month of talking to Fhujeth, I have to be honest, I wanted out. But I could tell that if I told her "that's enough, I'm leaving" that she would... well, do exactly what she did. There were a couple of times after fights where I'd say something like "Is this the end?", hoping they'd say "Yeah, let's part ways" so that I wouldn't have to make the run for it and the parting would hopefully be mutual and peaceful, but every time, they wanted the friendship to continue. (As an interesting point, now I'm looking back at these chatlogs, basically every fight/argument had a "So what do you want to do then? We always fight anymore, should we still be friends??" from her in it. This was from quite early on though, so it looks like a threat, rather than a resoution.) The fallout I could sense scared me into not leaving, but I was completely done/spent emotionally otherwise. If I had just not signed into Tox ever again, I would be leaving behind all my friends on there and she would just come find me on tumblr anyway as always... but after "the back event", I found out about all of the horrible stuff she had been doing in regards to me even from months back, the whole talking about me behind my back and villainising me to others. So I decided that was it, wrote her a message about giving the "closure" that she wanted, that she had told me at the start of the friendship (if I wanted to leave I had to give closure, not just disappear). I didn't block Fhujeth so she could have her say and I got nothing but abuse back which I didn't respond to until she blocked me. I have not said a thing to her since. She even sent some horrible, abusive e-mails in the coming months after, knowing I'd see them. Also, it's probably worth mentioning that she sent my boyfriend of many years a direct malicious e-mail, trying to turn him against me.

She says that she was trying to get away from me for ages, but it was the other way around. I was terrified to leave, I even said so to one of my friends, because I could just tell from the atmosphere that if I left, no matter how I did it, she would follow me or try to destroy me. Which is exactly what she did.]

This is a chatlog of Chocho talking to one of her other friends (name censored for protection):

chochomatsu <name>, I'm scared... if I try to cut ties is she going to try and destroy me? It's pretty much the biggest reason why I've let myself be pushed around by her for so long.... this has been going on for months... chochomatsu I can't do it any more... chochomatsu If she's willing to ruin my reputation over a tiny scuffle/misunderstanding... because that's basically what that was a few days ago. Hurt feelings, not even a fight

And this... is the very last thing Chocho said to Fhujeth. The parting message:

11/26/2016 chochomatsu Hey. I can't do this any more.... I found out what you did regarding Monday/Tuesday. I'm not willing to put up with this any longer. It was fun while it lasted and I can't say I didn't have some good times with you, but enough is enough. This is the closure you asked for... thanks for being my friend.... I hope things go well for you from here on out. Goodbye! totally-totty You mean you hurt me so bad? It was fun when it lasted... What do you wanna do with what is owed? Just be even? totally-totty I think it hurt me that you did not get that you hurt me... And then guilt tripped me... Tried to put the blame on me. totally-totty So yeah. It was great while it lasted. Sans the times youd misunderstand me and I would put up with it. totally-totty But i am not all to blame here. If you cannot see what you did wrong. I feel so sad for you. I only retailiate when i have had enough. totally-totty What did you find out exactly? Just for reference. totally-totty That I told people you abused me tooons of times? That when I have had right to be paranoid and scared you told me not to hold it against you but when ai hurt you youve held it against me ever since. totally-totty Ill miss talking to you. But i wont miss the anxiety and stress of feeling like i was walking on eggshells to make sure i said things properly. totally-totty I wont miss you interpreting everything as either aggressive or ignored either. You have hurt me more than you actually know or probably grasp and all you cared was that I ignored your drawing. "If i was in pain id have done this" ya well im not you And id try to apologize but itd always go to a false ear. totally-totty So I leave you with this. I know it sucks to have epilepsy and other physical ailments but please... You have NHS. For your future... Please seek some psychiatric help. You are lucky enough that you get access to it. Utilize it. Also learn how to take a critique.

...wow. After everything I now know this is just... incredible. Fhujeth is insinuating that everything is Chocho’s fault here. That Chocho guilt tripped her(?), hurt her, misunderstood her... and that everything they ever spoke about in their friendship sparked anxiety and stress. And that final attack on Chocho’s physical illness is just flat out despicable. There is NO excuse for that. (Note: Chocho has given me full permission to include this information in this post)

Perhaps, given everything here, it is Fhujeth that needs to seek psychiatric help.

Past this point, Chocho claims to have not spoken to Fhujeth at all hoping that Fhujeth would eventually move on and not cause further drama over the broken friendship. Fhujeth didn’t do that (as I can back up). Emails were sent to Chocho from Fhujeth for months after the final goodbye...

"Have fun, I guess. You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me. You're a heartless person. I should've known when I first met you. I have no idea what your issue is..."

And...

“And I can NEVER forgive you for the shit you pulled on Jussy you desperate little fuck."

What... seriously?? Fhujeth was the one bugging Jussy for commissions and insulting her behind her back. If Fhujeth is referring to the two aliases thing... jesus fucking christ get over it! People have aliases, big deal! There is some SERIOUS spite here for reasons I can’t fathom. That Chocho managed to get away from her maybe? If you’ve read to this point you’ve seen the level of manipulation aimed at Chocho from Fhujeth.

And, quite importantly I think, it’s clear that Chocho was the one that wanted to get away, not the other way round. An abuser does not try to get away from their target, that’s what the abused does. The abuser is the one that takes chase once their target has got away.

Among other emails sent to Chocho from Fhujeth, there was also one apparently sent to Chocho’s boyfriend in an attempt to get him to turn against Chocho and reveal information to Fhujeth (this I couldn’t believe until I saw it, it’s a SERIOUSLY disgusting move). I wasn’t shown the entire email but I asked if I could see so Chocho asked her boyfriend to hand over some parts... (name changed to Chocho for privacy - real name was used)

Chocho did some really terrible things to me in the past and I can't say I haven't retaliated but even after I've tried to apologize she has kept it up. I just want peace. I have been trying to move on and it has been literally impossible, even with the blacklisting software and blocking.

I'm not here to criticize her or get mad at her, I just want to ask if you can check on her and what she is doing with ask blogging. I know she has stolen an idea from me now, and this I have records of. I think she is running multiple blogs under different aliases too. If anything I am actually more so worried for her mental health than anything else.

It's not my place to start anything. I just want you to look at what she is doing. Please, I urge you to keep this between you and me. I wouldn't be contacting a complete stranger if I wasn't getting desperate.

I think at this point she is running around four different tumblr "identities" and trying to play them off as if they are entirely different people despite it is very clearly in her art style that it is her.

Yes, really. Fhujeth actively tried to get Chocho’s boyfriend to reveal information to her behind Chocho’s back because she was paranoid about what Chocho was “doing with ask blogging”. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I find this utterly despicable. Not to mention the continued attacks on Chocho’s state of mental wellbeing.

Extras...

[I had so, so many fights with Fhujeth because she'd take something the wrong way or she'd be rude/disgusting or she'd pick a fight.... and every fight lasted FOREVER and I was SO DONE with fighting. My 2 best internet friends for up to 10 years? I have probably had 1 argument with each in those years. And it didn't last and cleared up quick. My best friend in person that I have known since I was about 8 years old? I have had 1 fight with them EVER and it was because of another person. My other best in person friend I have never had a fight with ever. I had another best online friend who I had known since we were 12, she slowly drifted away over time due to changing interests and I think we lost touch when we were about 24 or older by the time that happened... we had 1 fight in the history of us being friends and that was when we were what... 15? Prime time for teenage friend arguments. In general I think it's natural to have at least ONE fight with your best friends that you know for years. But the sheer amount of fighting Fhujeth started between us in less than a year was just incredible...]

While looking for the chatlogs shown in this post, Chocho found a lot of these fights with Fhujeth... but because the post is already very long I have put these in a separate draft here:

https://totty-chan.tumblr.com/private/172180653683/tumblr_p62b4pvIRS1w7dwde

There are also other subjects of interest in this post although they weren’t strictly related to Fhujeth’s claims of abuse from Chocho that she discussed with me. There are also some logs and comments that extend upon the subjects covered in this post, but again, this post has grown into a monster already

tfl;dr

I (Sammy) have had my fair share of bad experiences with Fhujeth over the past year. I have known about the drama between her and Chocho but not any of the details until now. I approached Fhujeth about it asking for proof because I didn’t like the fact she was STILL going around accusing Chocho of being her “abuser” and I didn’t know why. After listening to Fhujeth’s argument and considering her evidence, I went to Chocho to ask her for her side. Up until now Chocho has been very unwilling to talk about anything to do with Fhujeth because it was a very hurtful topic for her. But when I told Chocho that Fhujeth is still claiming that she is the abused, Chocho decided to break silence and... well.. tell me everything. If you’ve read the post, I’d like you to make you own decision on all of this, BUT, in my opinion Chocho is the one that was abused. And in a big way, for a very long time. Manipulation, gaslighting, fear, uncertainty... you name it, Fhujeth tried it. And when Chocho finally decided enough was enough, Fhujeth took chase and terrorized Chocho privately and publicly for months after the friendship was broken up.

tl;dr of the tfl;dr

Fhujeth’s a manipulative, despicable piece of shit who thought she could frame Chocho for her own disgusting behavior.

Considering my personal experiences with Fhujeth and those that I have discussed with others in the past, this article expert-reviewed by a licensed professional counselor describes this situation to near-perfection. I am of the opinion that Fhujeth is living with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD.

https://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath

Please read if you can and consider your relationship with Fhujeth and if any of this is relevant to you.

Take care of yourselves.

Chocho, I really hope Fhujeth finally leaves you alone. After seeing the proof you have given me I now believe you have been framed for abuse you didn’t commit and I can honestly say you don’t deserve any of the hell you have been dealt for the last year and a half...

[blacksiren]

21 Supernatural Imagines

ok, so, in honour of @teamfreewill-imagine​‘s birthday i have written 21 imagines for her because last year she wrote me a 7-day smutathon and i figured i had to pay her back at some point... i wrote over 10,000 words in four days - these were meant to be less than 400 words each but the longest one ended up being 742. whoopsies...

happy birthday, abii!!! ♥

Below the cut: 21 Supernatural and Supernatural RPF imagines.

Warnings: fluff, mild pain, (idk each imagine title pretty much tells the story so you can work out what it entails)

1. Imagine Danneel crashing your panel at a convention.

“I can’t believe they told y’all that! I freaking hate them so much,” you laughed along with the audience.

The fan at the microphone had just told you that Jared and Jensen had spoken about you at their previous panel. They had apparently told the story of you having a little too much to drink at the annual Christmas meal in Texas and how you ran through a water fountain fully clothed and in high heels before jumping into a bush and having to be rescued.

“Ok, y’all have to bear in mind that this was my first cast party where I was of legal drinking age in the States. I’ve been allowed to drink in Europe for the past 5 years, and I’m legal in Vancouver, but this year I turned twenty-one so I was allowed to drink at the party in Texas for the first time and everyone knew that,” you started.

You paused, unsure how to tell this story without coming across as someone who didn’t know their limit when it came to alcohol.

“People were buying me drinks all night because it was the first time they legally could and I also bought a few rounds purely because it felt exciting to purchase alcohol in America. I’m a weirdo,” you laughed again to ease some tension you felt.

You put your head in your hands to hide your embarrassment.

“Oh god, I can’t believe I’m telling this story!” you murmured.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to. I will!” you turned your head at the familiar sing-song voice as the crowd drowned out the end of Danneel’s sentence.

You saw her walking out with a microphone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

She smiled at you knowingly and handed you the bottle of water.

You thanked her, undoing the cap and taking a much needed sip.

“So, where shall I start?” Danneel asked, winking at you.

“Are you really going to do this to me?” you asked her, getting up from your stool so that you were both standing, and putting your bottle under the chair.

“Hell yeah!” she started, “Any chance I can get to tell the story of how an inebriated twenty-one-year-old ran through a water fountain fully clothed, jumped into a bush, and had to be rescued by an also-slightly-drunk ‘gargantuan moose man’,” she finished, quoting Misha’s term for Jared that seemed to have stuck.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” you mock-complained.

She slung her arm over your shoulder, pulling you close to her.

“That’s what fake moms are for!” she teased, the side of her head against your own.

“Okay let’s get this show over with,” you relented, accepting defeat and preparing to be humiliated.

2. Imagine being pregnant with Sam’s child.

You clutched the scan in your hands, your heart pounding in your chest as you heard the Impala pull into the motel parking lot.

You heard the doors slam and the muffled noise of voices coming through the walls.

You quickly tucked the scan into your pocket as the handle of the room opened and Dean entered, followed by Sam.

“Hey boys!” you sing-songed, both of them picking up on your odd behaviour and going to ask what was going on.

“Are you-” Dean started.

“Can I speak to Sam?” you interrupted, “Alone.”

Dean looked between you and Sam before turning and heading for the door he just came through.

“I’ll go get some dinner,” he murmured on the way out.

“Hey, what’s up?” Sam asked, moving towards you after the door had shut.

You lowered yourself onto the couch, careful of how you sat with the scan in your jeans pocket.

“I-” you started, your throat suddenly dry.

Sam sat next to you, putting a hand on your knee and looking at you, concerned.

You decided to pull out the scan instead, holding it face down and fiddling with the corners.

“What’s that?” he asked hesitantly.

You handed it over to him and he turned it over in his large hands.

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out, “I’m sorry. But… I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Baby, don’t apologise,” Sam whispered, holding your hands in his own and smiling big, “We’re having a baby.”

“Yeah. I guess we are,” you smiled back.

3. Imagine Jensen coming home drunk.

“Hellooooo?”

You heard the voice hollering from the bottom of the stairs as you sat in bed reading.

You put your book down on the bedside table when you saw your husband poke his head around the bedroom door.

“Hello, my love,” Jensen drawled.

“Well hello there,” you chuckled.

He slowly and unsteadily made his way to the foot of the bed, throwing himself down on top of the sheets.

“You’ve still got your shoes on!” you chastised, noticing his boots dangling off the edge of the bed.

He kicked them off without even responding.

“Better?” he looked up at you with hooded eyes.

“Better,” you confirmed.

Jensen kneeled on the bed, pulling at your legs until you were lying flat on the mattress before crawling over you.

He leant in to kiss you sloppily.

“You taste like alcohol,” you laughed, trying to push him away as his scruff tickled you, “Oh my god, Jensen, you stink! Have you been smoking?”

He rolled his lips together, avoiding your gaze.

“Take your clothes off,” you ordered, “Before you make our bed gross,” you added when you noticed Jensen’s eyebrows raise in expectation.

He hastily tried to get his clothes off and you laughed at the uncoordinated commotion.

“We are not, I repeat not, having sex tonight. I can see it in your eyes and the answer is no, Ackles,” you told him.

“Someone’s bossy tonight,” he grumbled, climbing into bed beside you in just his underwear, facing away from you.

“Jensen’s not going to feel too fresh in the morning,” you whispered, slinging your arm over his waist and fitting yourself against his back.

“Jensen will be fine,” he murmured, “This is all Nesnej.”

4. Imagine Ruby asking you out for drinks.

You made your way outside of the motel room to get some air. You always hated being cooped up when you were restless and you just needed to walk it off, burn some energy.

You spotted Dean and Ruby talking in the parking lot, you didn’t want to pry so you stayed hidden behind a truck.

“I remember what it’s like,” you overheard Ruby say to Dean.

“What what’s like?” he asked gruffly.

“Being human,” she responded, her voice laced with sadness.

You emerged from your lurking spot, feeling guilty for eavesdropping and not wanting to impose on the conversation any longer.

Dean saw you approaching and straightened up, putting on his bravado-big-brother stance.

“Hey,” you said as you got closer, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re fine,” Dean said, “I was just headed back in anyway, you coming?”

“I’m gonna stay out here a bit,” you told him, “I need to stretch my legs.”

He shot a warning look towards Ruby.

“You can trust her, Dean,” you told him, semi-annoyed at his inability to believe that Ruby was a good person.

He nodded slowly, making his way back towards the motel.

“I’m gonna take a walk,” you said to Ruby, “Wanna come?”

She didn’t respond but fell into step next to you when you turned and started moving away.

You walked for a couple of minutes in complete silence, side by side.

“I have a question,” Ruby asked, breaking the silence.

“Shoot,” you told her.

“Would you like to get a drink some time?” she asked boldly, no hesitation.

You let out a chuckle, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“How do you know I’m into girls?” you asked her.

“Please,” she drawled, “I have two eyes and half a brain.”

You laughed, “Okay, I guess I’m not very subtle.”

“About as subtle as that damn colt,” she teased.

You smiled and shook your head, thinking about your answer.

“So…” Ruby pressed.

You thought about it for a minute; thought about how your brothers would react, how they would tell you it’s a bad idea, how you shouldn’t get involved with a demon. And you knew all this anyway, you just couldn’t help falling for Ruby.

You felt helpless whenever you were around her, as if she had full control of your thoughts and emotions.

Of course, if you told her this she’d just respond with her same old line– ‘Uh, demon. Manipulative’s kind of in the job description.’

“Okay,” you admitted, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

You caught the smile that crept onto her face that she instantly tried to hide.

“It’ll be fun,” you murmured, to yourself as much as to Ruby.

She shot you a knowing wink, “Damn straight, cherry pie.”

5. Imagine Jared taking you to a Cowboys game.

“Where are we going?” you asked for the fifth time that weekend.

It was your birthday weekend and so far Jared had taken you shopping to buy a present, to the cinema to see a movie, out to a fancy dinner, and to breakfast somewhere out of your home city.

“This one is the biggest surprise,” he confirmed, not giving anything away.

“So… where are we going?” you repeated, looking at him as his eyes focused on the road.

He chose not to respond, knowing that anything he said would get questioned further by your naturally nosey attitude.

“Fine,” you relented, putting your feet up on the dash board of his car and staring out the window and the road.

You drove for another twenty minutes until Jared spoke.

He handed you a blindfold, “Put this on.”

“What? Are you crazy? I’m not wearing this.”

“Just…” he sighed, “Please. This is the last surprise. I have managed to keep this from you for the last few weeks so please, just put the blindfold on.”

You were taken aback by his pleading so you did as you were asked, curious but also not wanting to ruin Jared’s plans.

“Thank you,” he murmured, realising he may have been a little harsh.

“I feel ridiculous,” you told him, lightening the tension in the car, “You better not be planning on murdering me. Or if you are, at least take this blindfold off when you’re done – I don’t want to be found in this.”

He laughed and you smiled, turning to face him (or so you hoped).

“You’re pretty when you laugh,” you told him, grinning and trying to find his face with your fingers.

“You can’t even see me,” he told you, pushing your blindly groping hand away.

“I don’t need to. I just know,” you responded nonchalantly, facing the front again.

Another ten minutes passed before Jared pulled the car to a stop.

“You can’t take it off yet,” he ordered, and you heard the driver’s door shut.

“What-?” you were cut off as your door opened, “Is this one of your kinky games?”

Jared ignored you, lifting you down from the car easily and holding on to your hand as he shut the passenger door and locked the car.

“Now, just trust me,” he whispered into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Always.”

He leant down to kiss you chastely before beginning to walk you, holding you close to his side, still holding onto your hand as you brought your other hand up to cling onto his arm.

You could feel the presence of people around you but had no idea where you were or how many people were watching you walking around in a blindfold like an idiot.

Jared stopped you and you could feel him in front of you. You reached your hands out and placed them on his chest.

“Oh,” you said in mock-disappointment, “I thought you were going to be shirtless. I thought that was the surprise.”

He peeled the blindfold from your eyes and held your face in his large palms, leaning down to kiss you as your eyes adjusted to being in the light.

He stepped to the side of you so you could finally see where you had been brought to.

Right in front of you was the Dallas Cowboys football stadium and your jaw went slack in excitable shock.

“No,” you breathed, unable to believe that Jared had actually brought you to a football game.

“Yep,” he confirmed, laughing at your expression.

“You,” you started, leaning up to cup his face, “Are the best boyfriend in the world.”

You pulled him down into a kiss before Jared put his sunglasses on and you walked hand-in-hand into the stadium.

6. Imagine Genevieve throwing you a surprise party.

“Babe, have you seen my black heeled boots?” you shouted down the stairs of your house.

“Top shelf of the closet!” she yelled back.

“What would I do without you?” you muttered to yourself as you reached up to get your shoes.

You made your way downstairs, grabbing your clutch from the edge of the bed and hooking the thin chain over your shoulder.

You stopped in the doorway to the kitchen when you took in what your girlfriend was wearing.

Genevieve stood at the middle counter, her maroon dress swinging gently around her calves as she prepared something on the surfaces.

You crept up behind her, putting your arms around her waist and leaning your head on her shoulder.

“How did you even reach that top shelf to put my boots there?” you teased, “You’re so tiny.”

“Very funny,” she remarked, turning in your arms and leaning up to kiss you.

Gen took you by the hand and led you towards the garden.

“Where are we going?” you questioned inquisitively, laughing at her energy.

“I want to show you something quickly.”

“Babe, we’re going to be late. If I wanted to be late to dinner I’d have asked for some quick birthday sex before we left,” you joked, stopping on your back porch as Gen did.

You heard someone clear their throat and you looked out into the garden as a cacophony of voices hit you.

“Surprise!”

“Oh my god,” you breathed. “How did you-?”

You turned to Gen, a blush rising on your cheeks as shock filled your face.

“So we’re not going to dinner?” you assumed, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“No, we’re not. Is that okay?” she asked, concern in her eyes.

“That’s more than okay,” you assured her, kissing her firmly.

“I love you,” Gen murmured against your lips.

You leaned your forehead against hers, closing your eyes.

“I love you too,” you told her as your party guests began to sing happy birthday.

7. Imagine Sam and Dean rescuing you on a hunt.

You sat on the wet ground, cradling your left arm that was definitely broken at the wrist.

You could feel blood soaking your top as the fabric stuck to you.

“Fuck,” you muttered, looking around you and making out trees, and leaves, and plants.

No sign of getting any help soon.

You tried to get to your feet, momentarily forgetting the discomfort in your wrist and accidentally putting too much pressure on your left arm.

You screamed out in pain, falling back down and holding your arm tight to your chest.

“You fucking idiot,” you said to yourself loudly, frustrated at the situation, “You absolute fucking idiot! Who goes out at night alone, knowing the dangers in this world? You deserved to have this happen to you. You utter freaking moron!”

You heard footsteps approaching you suddenly and turned your head in the direction of them.

“Hello?” you called.

No response.

“Hello? Anyone there?” you said louder, “Oh god, please someone help me.”

Two tall figures appeared through the fog and you sighed in relief, forgetting that these people could be evil; they could not even be people for that matter.

Adrenaline-fuelled panic set in and you scuttled backwards on your bum, using your legs to push yourself away from the shapes approaching you.

“Hey,” one of them called softly, “It’s okay. We’re here to help.”

They got closer and you could tell that they were human, or at least were in human form.

“Christo,” you whispered when they were near enough.

Both of the men frowned down at you.

“Are you a hunter?” the taller one asked.

“Yes… Are you?”

“Yeah. I’m Sam. This is Dean,” he replied, nodding in the direction of the other man.

“Nice to meet you,” you said, sighing at your situation.

“And you are?” Dean asked.

“In a lot of pain,” you responded, not wanting to give away your name to two strangers.

They relented, crouching down to inspect your injuries.

“Careful-” you hissed, as Dean took your wrist in his hands.

“Yeah, that’s broken,” he admitted.

“Thanks, Sherlock,” you mumbled under your breath, pulling your arm back from his hold.

Dean rolled his eyes at your ability to make jokes in pain. It was a hunter thing.

“We should get you outta here,” Dean said, straightening up.

You agreed, moving to get to your feet before you were suddenly lifted in the air.

“What the fuck?” you asked, struggling half-heartedly against Sam’s arms, wincing as you stretched the gash in your side.

“Stop wriggling,” he told you, his arms constricting around you easily, “We’ll move a lot quicker this way.”

You silently agreed, stilling in his arms and letting him carry you out of the woods, walking behind Dean.

“Onwards, trusty steed,” you teased, leaning into Sam’s embrace, secretly grateful to not have to walk.

You felt his chuckle against your head as you let these strangers lead you away.

8. Imagine babysitting the Padackles children.

You’d been living in Texas for a while now, doing the odd jobs around the town to earn your keep whilst searching for a more permanent job.

You were at the park one sunny Saturday afternoon, pinning up flyers to the notice board offering your services out as a nanny, dog walker, cleaner, tutor, carer, general helping hand. That was when you were spotted by Genevieve and Danneel out walking with the kids.

You recognised both of them but, out of politeness, you kept quiet, wanting to respect their privacy and appreciating that they were in public with their children.

You got into conversation with them both, the kids taking an immediate shine to you as they asked questions about your accent and if you liked football and what your favourite animal was.

You answered all of them with a smile and even took time to interact with the twins, their animated faces looking up at you from their stroller.

You never expected to bump into them again or even hear from them so you were extremely surprised when you got a text on Monday evening.

Hi, this is Danneel. We met in the park on Saturday? I hope you don’t mind that I took your number from the posters you were pinning up. I wondered if you’d be available to babysit for Gen and I on Saturday night? We’ve been looking for a sitter for a while and the kids haven’t really met anyone they liked but they all seemed besotted with you! I totally understand if 3 kids and 3 babies would be too much for you so I can try to find someone else to have the younger ones. Thanks, D x

You thought about your answer before typing out your reply, eager to have a job and earn some money but not wanting to come off as too forward.

Hi Danneel, hope you’re doing well. Of course I’d be happy to babysit for y’all. I’ve had lots of experience with babies and I absolutely adore them so I would be more than ok having all the kids if you feel like you can trust me with them all. Just let me know what time I’m needed and send me over an address and I’ll see you Saturday! x

You got the time confirmations and the address sent to you along with a final thank you.

At 6pm on Saturday you made your way over to the location that Danneel had sent you, pressing the buzzer on the gate and parking your car in the large driveway.

Danneel was waiting at the front door, smiling at you and welcoming you in.

“Your house is amazing,” you told her, looking around admirably.

“Thank you,” Danneel replied, “Gen is already here with the kids, why don’t you come on through and meet everyone.”

You walked into the living room and felt instantly intimidated by the four celebrities that surrounded you; Jensen, Jared, and Genevieve greeting you in turn as you stood by Danneel. Before you had a chance to react, you were met by three little people running to you to shout ‘hi’ in their excitable voices.

“Hey guys!” you said, matching their enthusiasm.

Danneel showed you around the house telling you that the twins were already asleep in bed and that she had left feeding instructions in case they woke up. She had made a note of all the contact numbers you might need, leaving you the piece of paper before Gen took over and explained what to do with her kids for bed time and, in Odette’s case, a bottle feed.

Gen handed Odette over to you and you held her on your hip, shushing and talking to her in a soothing voice as the three other kids stood by your legs to wave goodbye to their parents.

You closed the door behind them, locking it on precaution and walking further into the house as Tom, JJ, and Shep all dispersed to continue playing.

“Okay,” you muttered to the little girl fiddling with your hair in her little hands, “We totally got this.”

9. Imagine coming home to a cooked meal from Jared.

“Honey, I’m home!” you sang as you entered the front door to your house.

You dropped your keys down onto the table in the hallway, leaving your shoes against the wall and hanging your bag on the hook.

You made your way through the house, following the delicious smell that was wafting from the kitchen.

“Mmm, something smells good,” you remarked.

You turned into the kitchen, stopping when you saw your husband standing with his back to you, an apron tied around his waist.

You looked at the small table made up with a cloth, two chairs, candles, and a vase of flowers in the centre.

“What’s all this for?” you laughed softly.

Jared turned around, licking his lips, a wooden spoon in his hand.

“Come here,” he beckoned to you.

You walked over to him, stopping in front of him and looking up at him.

“Try this,” he said, offering you the spoon to test.

You moaned in satisfaction, closing your eyes as the flavours burst out across your tongue.

“That good?” Jared teased.

“This is the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth,” you admitted, opening your eyes when you realised what you’d just said.

You could see Jared’s mouth constrict against a laugh before he allowed himself to guffaw.

“You heard me,” you said, styling out your blunder.

“Note taken,” Jared murmured, leaning his head to yours, his breath fanning over your face.

You closed the gap between your faces, kissing him softly.

“Let’s eat,” you told him, turning away and seating yourself at the table.

Jared laughed, “Make yourself comfy, madam,” he teased.

“Oui oui, monsieur,” you winked at him, prepared to enjoy this meal and whatever came after it.

10. Imagine Misha picking you up from University.

You sat in class, watching the clock hands moving ever so slowly, waiting until 4pm so you could be done with your last class and go home for winter break.

Finally, the time came and you ignored your teacher’s last comments, packing away your things and zipping up your backpack, slinging it over your shoulder.

You tucked your chair in and made your way out of the classroom, murmuring goodbye to some of your classmates who you hadn’t quite made friends with but you still felt the need to wish them happy holidays.

As you walked out of your building you noticed girls huddled in little groups, pointing and hushing with each other. You walked past them sceptically, stopping when you saw what all the commotion was about.

Leaning against the wall of a building, with his arms crossed and one leg propped up on the wall, was Misha.

Your face lit up and you ran towards him, throwing your arms around his neck as he stood properly to hug you.

“Well this is a nice welcome,” he laughed.

“What are you doing here?” you asked confusedly, stepping out of the embrace.

Girls walking past you all whispered to each other, recognising Misha and scuttling away nervously. You even spotted a few phones poised in what people thought was a casual attempt at getting photographic evidence of Misha Collins on their campus.

“Thought I’d pick up my favourite little sister and travel home with her for Christmas.”

“You’re coming home for Christmas?”

“No, I was just going to dump you on the doorstep of the house and steal your car to drive back to Vancouver in,” he said sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes at his classic humour.

“Are you feeling fit and stealthy, old man?” you teased him.

Misha pushed you away jokingly.

“I’ve got a lot of boxes to load into my car,” you clarified.

“I’ve been working out,” he said, throwing his arm around your shoulder and leading you away from the gathering crowds.

“Have you now?” you laughed, “Well, my apartment is in the opposite direction to the one we’re walking in but if you’re feeling spritely we can take the long way around.”

“Okay, I haven’t been working out that much,” he said, letting go of you so that you could lead him the right way to your apartment.

“I can do a one-handed handstand though,” he told you, putting his hands in his pockets as you walked side by side.

“I saw your photo,” you admitted, looping your arm through his, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, squirt,” he echoed, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

11. Imagine moving in with Jensen and Jared in Vancouver.

The decision to move in with Jensen and Jared came after they found out that you’d been living in your trailer over breaks and days off.

You explained to them that you couldn’t afford a place of your own and, even if you could, you had no idea how long you were going to last on the show. You didn’t want to buy an apartment only to get killed off and then be tied down with property in Vancouver stopping you from applying for jobs elsewhere.

They both came to the decision that you could move in with them, having only just bought a three-bed apartment to share downtown.

You reluctantly agreed, grateful to not have to live in your trailer anymore and being more than willing to pay your share of rent.

You moved what little belongings you had with you into the apartment the following week.

After having lived with them for three months now, you were becoming accustomed to life with Jensen and Jared. At first things felt a little awkward, you moving in with your co-workers, but you soon adjusted and you were all more than comfortable around each other. Perhaps a little too comfortable.

You were in the kitchen making dinner for all of you, you had become the apartment chef, when Jensen walked through in his boxers.

“Dude!” you complained, raising your eyebrows at him incredulously as he reached for a beer out of the fridge, gesturing to his attire.

“What?” he asked nonchalantly, “Most girls your age would kill to see me like this!”

“Most girls my age see you as less of a ‘dad’ and more of a ‘daddy’,” you explained, turning back to the stove.

“Gross,” he remarked, leaving the kitchen.

“You’re the one walking round in your underwear!” you called after him.

The next day you were sat on the couch going over your lines when you noticed something sticking out from behind the couch cushion. You pulled out a pair of socks and shook your head, closing your script and walking down the hallway, standing in between the doors of Jensen and Jared’s opposite bedrooms.

“Okay, fess up,” you ordered, holding one sock in each hand and through each bedroom door so the boys could both see one, “Whose socks are these?”

Neither of them responded so you balled them up and chucked one at each of them, hitting Jensen in the head and Jared in the chest.

“We need some ground rules around here,” you grumbled, striding back into the living room.

A week later you came home from set later than the boys, only to find them both sat in their underwear on the couch, playing video games.

“Okay, that’s it,” you murmured under your breath, walking to your bedroom and depositing your things.

You got undressed and put your comfiest bra and panties on, going back out into the kitchen.

“I’m grabbing a beer, anyone want one?” you asked over your shoulder, seeing both Jensen and Jared raising a hand.

You took three beers from the fridge and handed them over to the boys from behind the couch, walking around to lay on the adjacent one.

“Dude!” Jensen parroted, finally noticing that you were in your underwear.

“God, put some clothes on!” Jared protested, closing his eyes and turning his head away from you.

“Keep your panties on,” you told them, “Please, because that is the only thing keeping me from seeing little Ackles and little Padalecki.”

“This isn’t weird for you?” Jensen asked, deliberately avoiding you with his gaze.

“It became ‘unweird’ when I got fed up of dealing with both your crap. We either all wear clothes around the house or we drop this double standard and grow up.”

“Shit, okay,” Jensen yielded, his hands up in surrender.

Jared took a long sip of his beer, placing it on a coaster on the table and finally looking you in the eyes, nodding.

“Deal,” you all said at once, settling into your respective couches.

12. Imagine Dean taking you for a test drive in Baby.

“Hard right! Hard on!” Dean shouted at you from the passenger seat.

You pulled the car to a stop, turning in your seat to look at him.

“If you want me to be able to drive this car properly, you have got to stop saying things like ‘hard on’,” you told him.

“I don’t think you’re ready for this,” Dean tried to say, his right hand out the window of the car holding on to the roof.

“Don’t you dare flake out on me now, Winchester,” you warned him, “I’m a good driver, I promise. I’m just not used to the left-hand drive thing.”

He nodded minutely.

“One more chance. You have one more chance to stay in the right hand lane or we’re swapping over.”

“Alright, alright. Keep your hair on,” you murmured.

You put the car into first gear and started off smoothly, changing to second and third when necessary.

“It’s not like there’s anyone on this road anyway,” you muttered under your breath.

“That’s beside the point,” Dean reprimanded you, “You asked me to teach you how to drive an old, classic car, so you have to listen to my instructions.”

You set your jaw, never one to like being patronised.

The road opened up in front of you and you were moving comfortably in fifth gear.

You put your foot down on the accelerator, earning you a warning glance from Dean.

“It’s fine,” you told him, “Live a little, Winchester.”

The car got faster as you reached the top of the hill, you took your foot off of the accelerator and moved the gear stick into neutral, letting the car cruise downhill with your foot precautiously hovering over the brake.

You reached the bottom of the hill and prepared to hit the ascent, going into first gear and revving up the hill.

“Be careful with her!” Dean growled at you.

You made it to the top of the slope and went back to driving normally, leaving your formula one dreams behind you and carrying on sensibly.

“You told me you didn’t know how to drive stick,” Dean said, hiding his awe but narrowing his eyes at you once you’d settled back into a steady pace.

“I may have told a teensy-weensy lie,” you cringed, “I kinda just wanted to see how she ran. She’s got a nice engine”

“She sure has,” Dean bristled with pride.

“Let’s get this Baby home,” you murmured, setting off easily in the direction of the bunker.

Dean’s eyes never left you as he appreciated your comfort behind the wheel.

13. Imagine stargazing with Sam.

The sky overhead was a canvas of cosmic beauty; the bright white stars stood out against the velvety black sky.

This was the perks of working a case in the countryside, you figured.

You and Sam lay on a picnic blanket, pillows under your heads, and your hands so close you could feel the heat radiating off his palms.

“You see that one,” Sam said, breaking the silence and pointing directly above your field of vision, “That’s the Big Dipper. You see how the stars on the right cluster to make a quadrangle and then the ones on the left branch out of it?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, “It kinda looks like a pan.”

“Exactly!” Sam exclaimed enthusiastically.

You looked up, admiring the stars and wishing you knew how to map them as well as Sam could.

“What’s that one?” you asked, tracing its shape with your finger, “It looks like a headless man running.”

Sam chuckled softly at your analogy.

“That’s Hercules,” he informed you, “You see that wisp of smoke in the middle?”

He waited for you to locate it and nod before continuing.

“That’s the Hercules Nebula.”

“There’s another one,” you spotted, pointing out another cotton-ball like cluster.

“That one’s the Andromeda Galaxy. It’s a part of the Andromeda constellation but I’m not as familiar with the shape of that one,” Sam confessed softly.

You turned your head to the side, watching him look up at the sky, his hair billowing out over his pillow and his eyes wide with wonder.

You loved seeing him like this; so free, so content, so happy.

You focused your attention back to the stars above you.

“I can’t believe we can see all of this without a telescope,” you remarked in awe.

“A galaxy two and a half million light-years away,” Sam confirmed, “All with your unaided eyes.”

“Wow,” you breathed.

Sam sighed his agreement.

“All the shit we see on a day to day basis and still, at the end of the day, the stars will come out and always look this beautiful,” you thought aloud.

Your hand moved closer to Sam’s in the middle of the blanket until your little fingers brushed together and he linked his pinkie with yours.

“And out of all the centuries, all the worlds, all the galaxies... I get to share all of this with you,” he murmured, squeezing your finger reassuringly.

“Us against the world,” you whispered, as you both continued to stare into the night sky.

14. Imagine clothes shopping with Ruby.

“I’m not coming out,” you protested through the fitting room.

“Babe,” she laughed, “I’m sure it looks great!”

You stared at yourself in the mirror, the mini skirt showing way too much leg than you were comfortable with and the top exposing your waist.

“Nuh-uh,” you objected, pulling at the clothes that Ruby had picked out for you.

“Either you come out or I come in,” she warned.

“Fine,” you grumbled, pulling back the door slightly and poking your head out.

“Out,” she ordered, beckoning you with a finger.

You stepped out tentatively, earning a low whistle from Ruby.

You fought the urge to cover yourself with your arms, putting your hands on your hips in a stubborn defiance.

“I’m not wearing this,” you told her plainly.

Ruby ignored your complaints, “Here, put this on.”

She chucked you a chunky sweater and you caught it one handed.

“That’s more like it,” you sighed, going into the cubicle to get changed.

“With the skirt!” Ruby called through the door.

“I hate you,” you muttered back.

Ruby just chuckled, finding way too much humour in your discomfort.

You took the top off, not that you could even be sure it was a top – the thing looked like it would fit a two-year-old, pulling the sweater over your head and exhaling with the relief of feeling more like yourself.

You walked back out, twirling for Ruby and placing one hand on your hip, popping it to the side in a mock-catwalk.

“Yes, girl! Work it,” she laughed, “This is a look.”

“I’m not so sure about the skirt,” you confessed, “I feel naked from the waist down.”

“That’s exactly why I like it,” she said, winking at you.

“You’re insufferable,” you muttered, picking up a top from the floor and throwing it at her in a weak frustration.

“Okay, we’re done here,” Ruby announced.

“I’m not buying this,” you said, gesturing to the skirt.

“No. You’re not,” she stated, “I am.”

You relented, walking back into the fitting room and getting out of the clothes.

“Wait!” Ruby called, her hand appearing over the top of the door, “Try this.”

You looked at the thin lacy material she was holding, a tiny, delicate bodysuit hanging off of the hanger.

“In your fucking dreams!” you exclaimed, fighting the laughter that came automatically and putting your own clothes back on.

“You're damn right,” she mumbled, taking the lingerie back and undoubtedly adding it to her checkout pile.

15. Imagine Dean comforting you after a nightmare.

You woke in a panic, your hair sticking to your neck with sweat and your heart racing.

You sat up in the queen bed, looking over to where Sam lay in the other bed and Dean was sprawled on the couch.

Dean lifted his head, catching your movement.

“You okay?” he asked, making out your shadow in the dark.

“Yeah,” you breathed, not trusting your voice enough to say anything else.

“Wanna talk?”

You didn’t answer, instead taking a deep breath to try to compose yourself.

Dean lay back down on the couch, turning over and pulling his blanket over himself.

You settled down into the mattress, closing your eyes to try and go back to sleep. Your brain had other ideas, however, filling your thoughts with the nightmare you had just had.

You shifted in the bed, trying not to make too much movement and disturb the others.

“Dean,” you finally hissed, “Dean, are you still awake?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Please,” was all you could manage to say, your voice cracking on the single syllable.

Dean was up in an instant, crossing the room and crouching by your bed, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, you’re safe. I promise,” he soothed, stroking your hair off your face and wiping the tears from your cheek.

He walked around the bed, climbing in the other side and putting his arm carefully around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“This okay?” he asked, his voice against your neck.

You nodded softly, sighing and letting your breathing even out.

“Nothing’s going to hurt you, you hear me? I won’t let anything get you,” he assured you.

You knew he was right; you knew he’d rather sacrifice himself than let anything bad happen to you.

But that’s what also worried you.

“I got you,” Dead murmured, kissing the top of your spine and nestling into the bed.

“We got each other,” you finished automatically, linking your fingers over his as his arm tightened around you, letting the warm comfort of Dean send you to sleep.

16. Imagine Danneel teaching you to cheerlead.

“This is ridiculous,” you groaned, bending over to lean your palms on your knees, taking deep, grounding breaths.

“Come on, you nearly had it!” Danneel exclaimed.

“You’re too preppy,” you complained, collecting your pompoms from where you’d dropped them on the floor.

“Just take each count of eight one-by-one,” she encouraged.

You took one last deep breath before standing up straight.

“Okay, let’s do this,” you said determinedly.

Danneel moved to her phone and pressed play on the music, the tune ringing out on the Bluetooth speakers.

“A 5, 6, 7, 8,” Danneel counted you in, “And: skip skip, skip skip.”

You followed the instructions, counting in your head; skipping twice to the right and then the left, rolling your arms around twice in accompaniment.

“Single, single,” she called the next instruction out.

You skipped once to the right, throwing your left arm in the air and tilting your head right slightly. Then you skipped once once to the left, putting your right arm in the air and tilting your head left.

“Up and down,” Dannel reminded you as you kicked your right foot out in front of you, stepping forward into a lunge and lifting both pompom clad arms in the air.

“Spin, 2, 3, 4,” she called.

You span 360°, kicked your right leg to the side and put your right arm in the air before landing on your right leg and turning to face the right with your arms by your side.

“Contract, contract,” Danneel prompted you, as you rolled your body, your arms also rolling slightly with the movement.

You remembered to punch your arms out in front of you for the second contract, stepping back on your right foot so your feet were together and then back on the left so that your right foot was in front again.

“Good!” Danneel shouted proudly.

Your right hand trailed the pompom along your left arm and around your head, the left pompom getting held you your ear as you moved to face the other way and thrust your right hand in front of you.

“Jump, jump, jump, out.”

You jumped three times, landing with your legs open the fourth time, your arms both going up the first time, just the right, just the left, and both of them in to your chest on the final landing.

You bent your right knee in and then out, dropping your right arm and then bringing it back to your chest and doing the same with the left knee and arm as Danneel yelled, “In, out, in, out.”

You thrust your hips forward, Danneel’s voice in your head saying to ‘add some bounce’ into this move.

“And pivot,” she instructed.

You’d already dropped your hands as you bent at the waist, rotating your upper body in a half circle, your heels lifting and dropping.

“7 and 8,” you counted under your breath as you lifted and dropped your heels three times, bouncing your whole body.

“Woo! Your hair moved; that’s bonus points,” Danneel shouted.

You got through the rest of the routine; swaying and popping your hips, spinning your pompoms, raising your arms, and keeping up a cheery attitude throughout. Maintaining your smile proved to be the hardest part of all.

The entire routine only lasted about thirty-five seconds but, by the time you were done, your breath was coming out in short, sharp puffs.

“Yes!” Danneel exclaimed loudly, clapping her hands together and then lifting her arms above her head, “You did it!”

She pulled you into a hug and you panted in her arms, squeezing her tight in your euphoria.

“I can’t believe it,” you confessed, pulling back to see Danneel’s proud smile still in place.

“Next step: costume,” she sang, pulling a cheerleader’s mini skirt and crop top from her bag.

The pink and white material shimmered in her hands and you groaned when you saw the ribbons, white socks, white sneakers, and glitter that she also had in her bag.

“Oh, god,” you groaned, throwing your head back.

“A promise is a promise,” she insisted, passing you the costume and folding her arms.

You laughed, embarrassed, turning over the outfit in your hands.

“Go big or go home,” you muttered, admitting defeat and changing into the uniform.

17. Imagine Genevieve taking you horse riding.

“Okay,” Genevieve started, coming over to you with two riding hats in her hand, “You’re riding Doodles and I’m on Caspian. They’re both really good horses.”

You nodded, taking the hat she handed you and putting it on.

“Do you know the way we’re going?” you asked her.

“Sweetie, I’ve been riding this trail since I was twelve, I could navigate it with my eyes closed.”

“Okay, show off,” you murmured, nudging her with your shoulder.

You turned to the sound of hooves, seeing two gorgeous horses being led towards you. As they got closer you noticed their extreme height and you raised an eyebrow at Gen.

“Can you even get up that high?” you teased.

“Oh, you just watch me,” she said confidently.

She strode over to the large brown horse, taking the reins from the stable hand and pulling the stirrups down.

In one smooth motion Gen put both the reins in her left hand, sliding her left foot into the stirrup, bouncing three times and then jumping, swinging her right leg over the saddle and seating herself.

“Okay, pretty impressive,” you remarked, walking over to your horse.

You looked up into his dark eyes and ran a hand down his chestnut face, he lowered his head so that you could scratch between his ears and you chuckled softly.

“Hey, handsome,” you muttered, “Ready to ride?”

You took the reins in one hand like Gen had, stretching to put your foot in the stirrup and failing miserably.

You could hear her laughing and you shot her a look, opting instead to take up the offer of a leg up from the stable hand.

“I guess I’m a little out of practice, Lil Miss Yoga,” you said to her over your shoulder, placing your hands on the saddle, one on the pommel and the other on the cantle, lifting your left leg for the guy to hold on to.

On the count of three you jumped, the guy pushing your left leg up as you swung your right leg over the horse. You sat down softly and put both feet into the stirrups.

The stable hand checked your stirrups and saddles, making sure you and the horses were comfortable before sending you out.

“Enjoy your ride, y’all,” he called, as Gen set off in the direction of the trail and you settled into a steady walk behind her.

Five minutes in to the peaceful ride, Gen turned to you.

“How you doing?” she asked.

“Pretty good,” you admitted, running a hand down the neck of Doodles, “He was a little tense at first but I think he’s relaxing now.”

“Get up here,” Gen motioned to you, turning to face the front again.

You clicked Doodles on until he and Caspian were walking side by side.

“They’re both OTTBs,” Gen stated intelligently, “’Off-track-thoroughbreds’. They feel like they’re in competition with the horse in front if they’re not in the lead. It helps to have them walking at the same pace so they know this isn’t a race.”

You nodded in understanding, scratching Doodles’ withers underneath you.

“This place is beautiful,” you murmured in awe.

“Yeah, welcome to Idaho,” Gen said, smiling across at you.

Caspian snorted softly and you laughed.

“I guess that was him saying ‘welcome’,” Gen chuckled.

“Thanks, buddy,” you told the horse.

“Ready to pick up the pace?” Gen asked you, shortening her reins and preparing to go faster.

“Sure,” you replied, copying her movements.

“Okay. Let’s go,” she ordered as you both asked for trot and moved deeper into the trail.

18. Imagine JJ asking to have a sleepover with you and Jensen.

You had just finished dinner with Jensen and his four-year-old daughter, you stood to collect the plates from the table. Jensen, as always, telling you that you didn’t need to help tidy away and you insisting that it was the least you could do after he had cooked dinner.

You walked into the kitchen with the plates, scraping any food waste into the compost bin and placing the dirty dishes and silverware in the dishwasher.

You could hear Jensen and JJ talking in hushed voices and you smiled when you heard them laughing together.

You decided to give them a little longer alone, taking a cloth and some antibacterial spray and wiping down the surfaces.

You put the cleaning stuff away and went through to the dining room, sitting back in your chair and smiling at a giggling JJ, her hands clasped over her mouth.

“What’re you up to, monkey?” you whispered, leaning closer to her and bopping her on the nose with your index finger.

She shook her head, not giving the game away, and you sat upright in your seat.

“Who wants dessert?” you asked, your eyes wide with overexcitement.

“JJ wants to ask you something first,” Jensen said, smiling at you kindly.

“Oh really?” you said, smiling back before looking at JJ again.

“Nuh-uh!” she protested, “Daddy does.”

“I’m not asking, Justice Jay,” he said, laughing as she ran over to his chair at the table.

He lifted her up onto his lap and whispered something in her ear that you didn’t catch.

“Y’all are freaking me out,” you said, your eyes flitting between Jensen’s and JJ’s.

“Will you have a sleepover?” JJ asked, so quietly that you were sure you’d misheard her.

You frowned in confusion.

“I don’t think she heard you, babygirl,” Jensen encouraged his daughter.

“Will you please have a sleepover with us?” she repeated, louder this time.

You gave a puzzled look towards Jensen and he nodded his approval to you. You looked at JJ’s hopeful little face and knew that you wouldn’t be able to say no even if you tried.

“Of course, princess!” you said sweetly, “I’d love to have a sleepover with you.”

“And daddy, too,” she emphasised knowingly; too knowingly for a kid her age.

“Only if we can paint his nails,” you whispered teasingly, pretending that Jensen couldn’t hear you.

“And do make up!” JJ exclaimed, running off of her dad’s lap to grab your hand and pull you up from the table.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” you assured her, getting up from the table and placing a kiss to Jensen’s cheek as you left the room to prepare your sleepover.

19. Imagine Misha coming into your work.

You stood by the coffee machine, making three flat whites since you were the only person in the store who knew how to.

It was a busy day in the shop and you were already tired after half of your eight-hour shift.

You took each coffee over to the correct customer tables, smiling politely and clearing away a few empty mugs and plates on your way back to the counter.

"Need you on tills, please," your manager said to you as she passed you on the floor.

"Sure," you muttered, just wanting the day to end.

You got to the till and asked the next customer for their order, looking up at their face but not registering anything.

"I'll have an Americano please," a familiar voice said.

"Is that all?" you asked, ringing up the coffee.

"What do you recommend?" the man asked you and that's when you finally realised why you recognised the voice.

Misha Collins stood the other side of the counter from you, ordering his coffee from you, and asking you what he should order.

“Sweet or savoury?” you questioned.

“Hmm,” he thought for a moment, “Sweet I think.”

"Okay, well the brownies are really good, and a customer favourite," you said honestly, "But I always prefer a flapjack."

"I'll take one of each, then," he said, getting his wallet out of his jeans pocket.

You smiled, "Eat in or to go?"

"Eat in, please."

You plated up the brownie and the flapjack, surprised at how casually you were handling this situation. You and everyone else in the café.

You told Misha his total and he handed over way more money than necessary.

You looked at what change he was owed and started counting it out when he interrupted you.

"Don't worry about that," he winked, "Add it to your tip jar."

"Are you sure?" you asked incredulously, a good wad of cash in your hand.

“Absolutely,” he confirmed.

“Thank you. So much. I’ll bring your drink over as soon as its ready.”

You handed over his receipt with a smile.

No one was behind him so you watched to see where he sat and set about making his coffee. You put it on a tray with a small jug of milk and some sugar before making your way over to his table.

“One Americano,” you announced, placing it down in front of him along with the extras, “Anything else I can get you?”

You noticed him cover up the paper he was reading from, probably an episode script, before he smiled up at you.

“No, thank you,” he said, “These are delicious, by the way,” he added, motioning to the half-eaten treats in front of him.

“I’ll be sure to pass on your review,” you joked.

Your focus never left his table as your shift went on and on. He sat, and he read, and he ordered more coffees (which you didn’t charge him for seeing as he had given you more than three times the right amount of money).

You never let on that you knew who he was, respecting his privacy and also not quite fully believing the situation anyway.

When your shift was over you went to change out of your apron, hanging it up in the back room and grabbing your bag.

“See ya,” you called to your manager on the way out the door.

You glanced at Misha’s table and noticed that he’d already left, sighing at the fact that you’d missed saying goodbye to him. Or maybe he was never really there.

You stepped outside the shop, the crisp air hitting you in the face as well as the sight of Misha standing against the side of the building.

You smiled goodbye to him as you headed home but he pushed off from the wall, walking over to you and smiling.

“I’m really sorry if this is weird for you, but I’m new to this area. I’m only visiting but I have absolutely no idea what to do or where to visit,” he rambled.

“Well, lucky for you, my shift just ended,” you told him, “Need a tour guide?”

“That would be great, if you wouldn’t mind. I’m Misha, by the way.”

“I know,” you laughed softly, “I didn’t want to say anything; make it weird.”

“Thank you,” he said genuinely, “For being cool and for showing me around.”

“Of course,” you smiled, “Next stop: somewhere totally uninteresting and non-picturesque.”

20. Imagine watching Supernatural with Genevieve and Danneel.

“Have you got the ice cream?” you called through to the living room from the kitchen.

“Do you even know me?” Danneel shouted back.

You walked into the living room to see her sitting cross-legged on the couch, a tub of ice cream in her lap and three spoons in her hand.

She held one out to you and you took it as you sat next to her, curling your legs up under yourself.

“Gen, get your butt in here!” you shouted.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Gen replied, “I just got off the phone with Jared, the kids are all asleep and everything is okay.”

“Of course it is,” Danneel said simply, “We have the night off, you can relax now,” she added, passing her a spoon.

Gen took it from her as she flung herself down on the couch next to you and you all shifted closer, pulling one blanket over all three of your legs.

“I’m ready,” you insisted, as Danneel handed you the ice cream, pressing play on the remote.

The opening sequence started up and you removed the lid from the tub, taking the first spoonful of ice cream.

“Oh my God,” you breathed as a familiar face appeared on screen, “Why is JDM naked?”

You were, of course, referencing Jeff’s lack of facial hair, and both Genevieve and Danneel laughed softly.

You watched the opening sequence play out in silence, not being surprised when it got to Mary’s death scene since you already knew that was where things were going.

The title sequence flashed up noiselessly and you chuckled.

“What?” Danneel asked, turning to look at you.

“That was slightly less obnoxious than some of the title sequences they’ve had,” you explained.

Danneel and Gen huffed a laugh, leaning over you at the same time to get some ice cream.

You burst out laughing when the next recognisable face popped up – Jared.

“Stop,” Gen chastised jokingly, giggling herself.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “He looks… handsome.”

It was Danneel’s turn to chuckle then taking a big spoonful of ice cream.

“He looks like a twelve-year-old,” she said plainly.

All three of you laughed at that, continuing to watch the show.

The next two scenes played out as you all sat contently, eating your ice cream and making the odd sound effect here and there.

“I’d recognise that chiselled jawline anywhere,” you exclaimed, noticing the shadowy outline of Jensen.

Sam/Jared grabbed Dean/Jensen and they began a choreographed struggle.

“Damn, those fight moves,” you murmured sarcastically.

“The budget was low for the pilot,” Gen joked.

“And neither of them knew what they were doing,” Danneel added, in all seriousness.

You nudged Danneel in the ribs with your elbow as Jensen’s face came into the shot.

“I’d tap that,” Danneel muttered.

“Ew!” you complained, shaking your head to erase the thought.

You finished up the pilot a load more remarks and a whole tub of ice cream later, pausing before the next episode started.

“So, what did you think?” Danneel asked you.

“I think that you and Gen married people who are like cheese,” they both frowned at you confusedly, “They get better with age,” you explained.

All three of you were laughing as the next episode began.

21. Imagine surprising Jared on stage at a convention.

You’d been working on a movie up in LA for the last three months and you hadn’t seen Jared since your last day on set, the last night you spent with him in Vancouver.

You’d started seeing each other almost as soon as you began filming on Supernatural, quickly striking up a relationship that neither of you knew where was headed.

Trailer sex turned into sleepovers, sleepovers into weekend stays, and weekend stays into actual dates.

The night you left for LA, Jared was upset, he pleaded you to stay but you told him you were never going to be the girl who gave up her career for a guy. He wasn’t mad and he eventually let you go, you Skyped him often and you still felt a connection to him.

You decided to surprise him seeing as he was doing a convention in Vegas; driving up after filming on Friday night, catching a couple hours of sleep at a nearby hotel, and making it in time for his Saturday morning panel.

You found Rob and Rich backstage, both of them shocked to see you.

“What are you doing here, California?” Rob exclaimed teasingly, pulling you into a hug.

“I came to surprise Jared,” you told them, blushing slightly as you stepped back.

“Well get up there!” Rich encouraged.

“What? No! I was just going to greet him when he came off!”

“The fans will love it!” Rob pressed.

“Look at me! I’ve driven five hours through the night and only got a two-hour power nap in the hotel! I’ve got my glasses on and I’m wearing jeans and a sweater. I’m pretty sure I’ve still got yesterday’s filming makeup on and I haven’t showered for a disgustingly long time. There’s no way I can go out like this.”

As you finished your rant, Rob handed you a microphone. You looked at him fearfully.

“You have to do this,” he pleaded, “It will make Jared’s day.”

You couldn’t deny him that.

“Okay, but let me pick the right moment,” you requested.

Rob nodded.

“What’s the funniest thing that’s happened on set this season?” the fan at the microphone asked, Jared choking slightly on the sip of water he just took.

You planned your entrance based on this question. If Jared was going to say what you thought he was going to say, then this would be the perfect opportunity for you to make your surprise appearance.

You had entered the panel through the green room entrance, using your status and relations to get through the convention despite not being a scheduled guest.

Jared laughed to himself as he put the cap back on his bottle, placing it on the table beside his stool and adjusting himself to sit comfortably. Of course, in true Jared fashion, straddling the chair with his arms resting on the back of it that faced the audience.

“So, y’all know that we had a new recurring cast member join us this season,” he paused, waiting for the eruption of cheers to die down.

You nodded in the direction of Rob and climbed up onto the stage from behind.

“You did?” you asked into the microphone.

The audience went crazy, clapping and whooping as you made it further into the middle of the stage.

Jared’s face was a picture; he’d turned in his chair to the sound of your voice, his mouth opened in a small circle with the word ‘what’ still on his tongue.

It was as if he’d frozen, he was still in his chair as you reached him, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face into his neck, breathing in his familiar scent.

He got up then, propping his microphone on the chair and pulling you into a proper hug, leaning to whisper in your ear.

“Oh my god,” he breathed, “What even-?”

He couldn’t finish his sentence so you just whispered back, “Surprise!”

You pulled away from the hug, suddenly remembering the audience in front of you.

“Go on then, Jared. Tell everyone what the funniest moment on set was this season.” You teased for the benefit of the audience.

He groaned audibly, picking up his microphone and offering you the chair. You took it, considering the lack of sleep you’d had.

Jared stood behind you, one arm draping over your shoulders and across your chest, the other holding his microphone to his lips as he began to tell his story.

[cass-trash]

Meet The Family

Castiel x Hispanic!Reader

A/N: This was incredibly rushed and very hard for me to write so it’s definitely not one of my best works.

Request: Hi, hun! Could you please do one where the reader is Hispanic and takes Cas to meet their family? Thanks! (Love you're writing btw💕)

Warnings: none

Word count: 1042

You were nervous to say the least. You wanted your family to love Cas just as much as you did, you needed them to think he was ‘worthy’ enough for you, as they’d put it. Your family wasn’t the strictest of them all but they were still protective of you, so who knows how this could play out.

As you stood on your parent’s doorstep, you quickly decided to fix Cas’ hair and straighten out his clothes. He watched you with amused eyes as you desperately tried to fix everything before one of your family members opened the door. “I’m sure it will be fine.” Castiel murmured, lightly pressing his lips to your forehead. “Try to calm down.”

Taking a deep breath, you nodded your head and turned back to the door just as it opened, revealing your younger sister. “Hola,” She grinned at you. “It’s been a while, Y/n.”

“How are you, Anahi?” You asked, giving your sister a quick hug before stepping into the warm room.

“Good.” Your sister looked up at Castiel. “Nice to finally meet you, Castiel. My sister always talks about you over the phone.”

Castiel smiled at you before looking back at your sister. “Nice to meet you too, Anahi.”

“Hello, Papa.” You said as you leaned down and pecked your father’s cheek, his eyes finally tearing away from the television in front of him. “How have you been?”

“I’m good. Is this Castiel?” Your father said, his eyes travelling to the angel standing behind you.

“Oh, um, yeah.” You took a step to the side, nervously biting your lip as Castiel took a step forwards.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr y/l/n.” Castiel said, holding his hand out for your father to take. Your dad hesitated the slightest but firmly shook his hand and nodded towards the kitchen before telling you that your mother was most likely dishing all the food up.

You knew it was only a handshake but your father actually seemed to like Castiel already. “Come on, Cas.” You said, pulling him into the kitchen to introduce him to your mother. “Mama.” You said, watching as she turned around and placed the final plate down.

“Y/n!” She happily beamed and pulled you into a hug, whispering loving words in Spanish into your ear.

“Let’s stick to English today.” You said, laughing slightly. “Make it a little easier on Castiel.”

Your mother agreed and turned her attention to Cas. “You look like a very healthy young man.” She complimented.

“Thank you, Mrs y/l/n.”

“Come, come.” She gestured to the seats. “Sit.”

You and Castiel sat beside each other on one end of the table and waited for your father and sister to join. Castiel stared at the table top that was completely covered in different types of food with wide eyes, you could practically hear him cringing. You knew Cas hated the taste of all of the molecules inside of food, so he was in his own little hell right now.

---

The dinner had started off fairly slow and quiet, but within ten minutes or so your father and mother were bombarding questions at Castiel, each of them wanting to get to know him more. Your father was a little more serious and wanted to know if he was right for you, while your mother was just interested in him. “When was the last time you spoke to your mother, Castiel?” Your mother asked. You tried hiding your smile, knowing this was a very important question in your mother’s eyes.

Castiel swallowed the food in his mouth and looked at your mother. “Oh, um. I-I don’t have a mother.” He nervously stuttered. “She, um, died when I was young.” He quickly added.

You had to give Castiel some respect for answering all of these questions, considering you had forgot to tell him that he would have to lie for quite a few of them. Dating an angel was a lot harder than you had thought. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“That’s okay.” Cas said softly, his eyes falling to the food on his plate.

Your mother was silent for a minute or two before she decided to finally hit him with the big one. “When do you plan to get married?”

You nearly choked on your food. “Mama!” You raised your voice the slightest before glaring daggers at your sister who was snickering on the other side of the table. “Please don’t scare him away from me.”

“It was just a question,” Your mother defended herself. “I see no problem with asking him that.”

Ignoring your mother, you side glanced at Cas. “I don’t know…” He murmured, his hand falling to your knee. “But I have a feeling it won’t be long.”

Widening your eyes the slightest, you felt your heart pick up pace but decided to ignore it for now. You placed your hand over his and gave a reassuring squeeze as more questions came rolling in.

---

“Goodnight, Mama.” You said as you walked past her. “Goodnight, Papa.”

“Goodnight.” They said in unison.

Castiel smiled at the both of them and said his goodnights too before following you upstairs to the bedrooms you were sleeping in for the night. “Well, here’s your room.” You said, gesturing to the door in front of you.

“My room? I don’t get to sleep with you?” He asked, a confused frown appearing on his face.

You chuckled and shook your head. “Not in this house.”

“But I don’t sleep, what am I supposed to do all night?”

“What do you normally do?”

He sheepishly looked around. “Wait for you to wake up.”

“Then just wait for me to wake up, but do it in your own room.”

Castiel frowned but obliged, he had made it this far and he didn’t want to get on your parents bad side on the last minute. “Okay.” He grumbled, bending down to peck you on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled to yourself and walked into your separate room, listening to Castiel audibly groan before his bedroom door shut. You chuckled to yourself and hopped into your old bed, wondering how everybody would react in the morning. They seemed to really like Cas, which was perfect.

Castiel tags:

@castiel-savvy18, @hey-um-misha, @kitkatgaming, @cryiner, @magnificent-mantle, @impractical-impala, @stori-teller

Everything tags:

@1-more-internet-kid, @disappointeddinosaur, @unknown-chronicles, @marisayouass, @greenappleeyes, @nina-winchester4life, @fanboyswhereare-you, @yes-this-is-snek, @kdfrqqg, @buttercup337, @super-river-walker

If you’d like to be tagged in any character/story fics, feel free to send me an ask or message!

[wildefiction]

Of Course...Mr. Collins

TWENTY-FOUR

Sometime around eight-thirty, as Darius told yet another story about Misha’s antics, you looked across the flames to see Daneel, Gen and their children all asleep. Jared absentmindedly combing his fingers through Gen’s dark chocolate waves and Jensen smiling wistfully at the most important women in his life.

As you slipped into a daydream filled with thoughts of living happily with a family of your own, the petite arm draped around your shoulders tightened in a comforting squeeze. Vicki, observant as ever, pressed her lips to your ear, “you've got us [Y/F/N], I told you, you're family now.” The thought comforted you to some degree, and you decided to try and just be in the moment rather than worrying about the future. You had a habit of wondering  when the next life-changing event would happen in your life to such a degree, that you often forgot to enjoy them when they did.

The quiet hiss of water hitting the rim of the searing fire pit caught your attention as heavy drops of rain began to fall. Distant thunder rolled through the sky, and you moved from your seat to the banister of the deck, resting your arms against the cool cedar beams. It was a rare thing to have a real thunderstorm in this area, and you were entranced by the symphony of sounds as the rain moved from an occasional drop to a light sprinkle.

Rousing the sleeping children from their laps, the Ackles and Padalecki’s quickly moved into the house, Vicki and Misha following behind. West and Maison hadn't even flinched when the weather had turned balmy. Turning back to the sky, you inhaled deeply, spreading your arms wide and laughing as the sprinkle made way for the storm; sheets of water quickly reducing the fire to sputtering, glowing embers.

It was Misha’s turn to smile. [Y/F/N] laughed as she threw her head back and spread her arms wide; welcoming the rain. The wood frame of the door groaned in protest when he leaned against it, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he watched his girlfriend dancing in the rain. Had he really just called her his girlfriend? Luckily it'd been only in his head, he mused. He was surprised with how quickly he'd come to care for the woman. It had only been a month and he already felt like she'd always been his.

With the water splashing across your skin and quickly soaking through your hair you stopped spinning, taking a moment to get your bearings. The quiet huff of levity drew your attention to the man framed in the doorway. With a wide smile, you lurched forward, wrapping a wet hand around the warm skin of his wrist and pulling him off balance, out into the evening showers.

“AGHHGH, I'm melting...I'm melting..” a dramatic hand pressed to his forehead had you laughing quietly as the rain quickly soaked through his clothes, his artfully disheveled hair dripping into those impossibly blue eyes. Your damp clothes stuck to your skin, and as the breeze picked up again a chill spread through your limbs. Misha, noting the fine tremble wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his body.

“Better?” he implored. His eyes crinkled as he smiled. In answer to his ridiculous question, you rose up onto your toes and pressed your lips to his. Wrapping your arms around his neck pulled his warm body closer to yours as the kiss intensified. The rain continued it's deluge around the two of you, but it was the last thing on your mind when Misha's fingers dug into your hips, his cock stirring beneath the now soaked denim of his jeans. The considerable effort required to pull back from the man who seemed content to fuck you right here and now was palpable, and only after giving in to several more attempts were you able to fight through the heady feeling that came with being in Misha's presence.

Thoroughly soaked, Vicki simply shook her head when the two of you walked back through the patio doors into the kitchen. 

“I can't leave you two alone for ten minutes and you're out snogging in the water.” Crossing around the island, the woman approached you, her maroon glasses having slid down the bridge of her nose only added to her disapproving look.

The sheepish look on your face was short lived when the woman approached, reaching out for your hand. 

“C’mon then, into the shower with you, can't have you getting sick - Mish would lose his head, wouldn’cha babe?” Winking to soften the impact of her words, Vicki turned back towards you as the three of you made your way down the hall.

Twenty minutes later, you stepped from the expansive stone shower and wrapped yourself in an oversized white towel. Briefly you wondered if it was the same white towel that Misha had worn so nonchalantly that first week. Just the thought of that image -forever seared into your mind- made you shiver with desire. Shaking your head to clear the thoughts, your hand closed around the door handle and pulled it open. 

“Hey Vee, than-"  words stopped abruptly and you averted your eyes out of habit when you saw the woman bent double, rummaging through what you assumed was her underwear drawer.

Straightening, she turned to ask what you had said, seeming wholly unconcerned by the idea of her nudity. Crimson laced panties covered the curve of her narrow hips and ass. You hadn't meant to stare, and whether the sudden frigid body language was the result of fear or unabashed attraction was unclear. As she approached you, her hips swaying as only a ladies’ can, a knowing smile spread across her features and there was new life in her dark eyes; layers of caramel swirled through the chocolate, and you couldn't seem to look away. Truth be told, it had been nearly ten years since you'd last found yourself in the company of a woman. 

Your heart thundered against your ribcage, the raucous sound echoing through your mind as Vicki stopped just short of touching you. The melody of her laugh drew you from your thoughts as her long, cool fingers laced themselves with yours. 

“Relax, sweetheart - I won’t bite...hard.” “I believe I promised you a proper welcoming to our family…?” The words trailed from her lips, the questioning tone asking for permission...making sure you wanted this. While your [Y/E/C] eyes still nervously darted between hers, the slight dip of your head spoke for you, and when she pressed warm, soft lips to yours, you melted against her, encircling her waist with your one free arm and pulling her against your body.

The small yelp of delight that slipped from Vicki’s lips filtered through the bedroom door, effectively stopping Misha in his tracks. [Y/F/N] had still been in the shower when he’d left to check on the kids and to make sure their house guests were comfortable. Intrigued, he crept along the darkened hallway until he reached the bedroom. Peering through the cracked door, Misha’s mouth ran dry - his pupils dilating at the scene that greeted him. 

“Ohhhhholyfuuuckkk…” The words were a whispered groan. His pants tightened around the sudden, strong erection; a deep rumble of need echoed in his chest as he watched his wife make out with his girlfriend. Absentmindedly, Misha’s hand drifted down to rest against the thickness that strained against the cotton pajama bottoms, the other palm pressed against the cool wooden door. The sliver of light pouring through the crack expanded as the door inched open with his touch.

The low whine of the hinges distracted you enough to pull your attention from the kiss, your swollen lips and lust filled eyes darting to find the source of the noise. Stepping back from your embrace, Vicki, with a knowing smile on her face, advanced towards the door. Pulling it open to find her husband contentedly watching, his own eyes blown so wide with lust, there was only the smallest sliver of navy ringing the pupil. Crossing her arms across the expansive swell of her chest, a finely arched brow raised in mock disbelief at the sight before her. 

“Well, well...Mr. Collins…”

TWENTY-FIVE

TAGS: @jamielea81 @wings-of-a-raven

[wilwywaylan]

"You know I'd never refuse anything you asked of me." - Yuki / Misha (maybe FE version ?)

Misha had joined their weird little groupe for two days now, and after his rambuctious entrée en scène, his presence was... quite subdued. To be honest, there was enough chaos aroud with Pasiphaé ragtag bunch of misfits that anything short of a giant dragon or a whole marching band could have walked through the camp unnoticed, but... But even in a more discreet (and less crazy) compagny, he would have seemed particularly silent and restrained. Walking silently around, talking in a low voice, sitting quietly by the fire... the opposite of at least half the company. And opposite of everything Yuki was expecting from someone his side who introduced himself after killing two persons without batting an eye. She thought that her newfound bodyguard would sit with the others, drinking ale and half-yelling songs, stories or whatnot. Instead, he was sitting near the fire, a book in his hand, only moving to turn a page from time to time. When someone passed by and spoke to him, he answered politely, chatting a bit before going back to his reading.

And that was... Weird. Very Weird. More than that, it was contrary to everything Yuki had learnt about how people worked. Random mercenaries didn't fall from the sky to swear an oath of protection. Tall, muscular men didn't sit around, a book in their lap, like any scholar. Either they tried to fight anything that moved, boasted their own strength and tried to score with any lady around ("what a vile expression !"), or they sat sullenly, draped in their morgue, sneering at anyone daring disturbing them.

But Misha was different. He wasn't boasting, or looking at others from atop a high horse. He was curiously friendly, amiable even. And he was the most gentlemany person Yuki had ever met. Even when meeting her, he had proved himself to be perfectly polite, offering her his hand to help her get down from the wall she had climbed, when he was covered with blood. Other people's blood. Other people who he just killed to reach her. And then announce her that he was here to escort her and protect her from anyone who would want to hurt her. That a couple of her grandfather's old friends had decided to pay a mercenary a huge quantity of cold, to send him on the road looking for a small lady and whisk her away from the dreadful fate that awaited her. That... was stuff direct out of a fairy tale. Straight out of those stories Lady Pasiphaé liked to sing and her weird companion liked to tell. Then again, he didn't really have the profile of a dashing prince coming on his white horse to rescue the lady of his dreams. Did he even have dreams ? About her, she meant. Did he have something in mind, other than the money he had recieved to protect her ? THen again, that money probably didn't cover the gentleman part, and he didn't *have* to treat her like a lady. Then again.... that was a real headache.

She looked at him, long and hard. Sitting near a group, near enough to seem included, but with a little distance to be left alone. Menthe and Shizuka just threw her knowing glances and went back, one to her bow, the other to his book. She settled to mend a few tears and wears in some clothes, but she kept glancing at him over her work. He seemed pretty fascinated by his book, which made her task of studying him discreetly easier. He was... really an unusual sight. No one had hair as red as his, not even Lady Pasiphaé. It was almost blood red, highlighted gold by the dancing flames near him.

And one would have thought that wearing an eyepatch would have hindered his ability to fight, but Yuki had been a witness of his skills, and knew that he was as deadly as anyone with both eyes. The remaining eye was an amber color, cold as a stone when glaring at someone who was standing in his path. But Yuki had found that it became softer when looking at their other friends, and maybe at her too, but that wasn't something she wanted to assume.

And then, there was the teeth. She thought she was mistaken at first, but no. Misha's teeth were very white, very straight, and very, very pointy. It made him look... alien, like not totally human (and maybe he wasn't, after all). Every word he sad sounded... dangerous. Menacing. But not when he was talking to someone he seemed to like. Then they looked harmless, without their threatening glint.

As for the rest... Well... He was everything a mercenary should be. Muscular, but not overbuilt, with strong hands that looked like they could fold a sword in two as easily as a twig. Sturdy leather clothes in earthy tones, a large belt with a sword hanging, some well-dented armor pieces covering his shoulders and arms. Right now, said armor pieces were in the hands of [...] who was trying to fix them a little. Giving her a perfect view of his muscles, of course. She would have enjoyed the view very much, was it not for the voice at the back of her head. A voice that sounded a lot like her grandfather's, hissing endlessly that women who looked at men with lust in their eyes were whores, tramps, and would end up pregnant outside marriage, abandonned and shunned by everyone, and destined to a life of servitude, prostitution and shame. How do you exactly lust after someone, Yuki wasn't sure, that wasn't really something that was covered in the books she liked to read, but it probably had something to do with that weird feeling of warmth on her cheeks, and the butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't sure there wasn't a step or several between looking at someone with that weird feeling, and ending up as a destitute, but years and years of browbeating did their work, and she tried not to look at him too much, in fear of what could happen. In shame, too, because she was a princess, she was supposed to be above every inclination of the flesh. She was supposed to be enlighted, gracious, to not leave all those things reach her, and to ignore any feeling that wasn't pure, delicate and feminine. Which left... not too much. A vapor shaped as a woman, and not a tall one at that.

Which, of course, made for difficult feelings to deal with. Misha looked... nice. Really nice, with his golden eye, and even his pointy teeth. It was... pleasing. And very disturbing, because she absolutly didn't know what to do with all those things and situation. In her books, the dashing prince always went to the princess, saved her from an ogre or a dragon, and wisked them away on their white horse. But Misha didn't have any horse, white or otherwise, there was no dragon around except Shizuka's, and he would have killed anyone trying to scratch a single scale from Rosalind, and Yuki didn't see herself being wisked away anytime soon. Then again, why would she ? Not to sound all self-deprecating (which she totally was), but she wasn't exactly a fairy tale princess herself, with her white hair and pointy elbows. Maybe a pocket-sized plaything, and even this...

No. It was time to nip that stupid self-hating circle in the bud, or she'd end up lonely and sorry for herself when everyone would leave her for people who didn't make playing the victim an art form. Or she would find herself without any friend or company, while all the others would go away to live their happy lives somewhere else. Of course, it was difficult. But, she thought as she tried to gather her courage, lots of things are, aren't they ? And the things that are worth the effort are often the best. Still, it took thinking about her grandfather, as much as she hated it, to get her to move. Because he would hate to see her try to climb out of the shell of shyness, of properness, of distrust and self-hate that he carefully crafted around her. He would try to push her down and keep her forever as a dainty little lady.

She put her sewing work in her bag, got up under Menthe's and Shizuka's knowing gaze, took the time to straighten her dress. She almost did the same to her hair, but finally decided against it. Not that it would have changed anything, except buy her some time. Or losing some. With a soft sigh, she crossed the circle of trunks around the fire, and went to sit beside Misha. She half-expected a look and a grunt of acknowledgement, nothing more, maybe not even a reaction. But the mercenary slid a piece of paper between the pages before closing his book. She cringed a little when he turned to face her. Couldn't he ignore her ? That, she could deal with. But no, that was what she had wanted, why she got up. Well... kind of. Once he made eye contact, Misha asked, softly :

- Lady Yûkiya. Is everything alright ?

- Y-Yes, of course, she tried not to mutter. Why... why wouldn't everything be alright ?

- I... don't know ?

- Do not worry, please. About me, I mean.

- You know, Misha answered with a chuckle, I'm your bodyguard. It's my job to worry.

- Yes but... I mean... how....

She clenched her fists, trying to convey what she meant. To be fair, she wasn't sure she herself knew really what she wanted to say. Very gently, Misha put a hand on her arm to calm her, just for a second.

- I told you, he said. I'm your bodyguard. It means that my job is to make sure that you're safe and sound. This will go for any physical wound, and for your peace of mind.

- What... what do you mean ?

- I mean that I'm going to protect you from enemies, and from things bother you. I'll put all my strength to your service, and do my best to make you feel at ease.

Yuki couldn't believe it. Never, in a thousand years, would she have thought that a devotion as strong as Misha's would be directed at *her*. These were words from a fairy tale, and they were for *her* !

- R-Really ? she stuttered ?

- Really.

- What if... what if I told you to go and hit someone, someone who would be a bother ?

This time, Misha smiled, a gentle half-smile that made her cheeks heat.

- Just so you know, I'd never refuse anything you asked of me.

- Really ? Really-really ? Anything ?

- I took an oath to protect you, and I intent to fulfill it to perfection. Any order from you, I will obey.

- Even dangerous ?

- Even then.

- But... how can I repay you ?

- You don't have. I've already been paid. Don't worry about it.

There was a moment of silence during which Yuki rethought the whole conversation. Then, shyly, she asked :

- Any order, you said ?

- Any order, my lady.

For the first time since the start of the conversation, she smiled.

- Then, maybe you could call me Yuki from now on ?

- This will be a pleasure.

[hornsbeforehalos]

Anytime, Sweetheart: Part 6

Pairing: JDM x OFC (RPF)

Features: Ackles & Padalecki Families, R2, Misha Collins & Vicky Vantoch, Norman Reedus, Andrew Lincoln, Kim Rhodes, Briana Buckmaster, Ruth Connell, Corey Taylor and other cast members & OFCs* *THIS IS AN RPF FIC**

Series Masterlist Summary: (I’m horrible at summaries, but let me try): Kylin Ackles runs to her brother’s house after leaving her abusive boyfriend of 3 years, where she meets Jeffrey. Events unfold that bring them together, as well as push them apart.  Warnings: Emotional abuse, Physical Violence, mentions of rape, cursing, drinking, recreational drug use (weed), Strip Club, RPF, NSFW**, GIFs, implied smut, Age Difference, Slow burn, Emotional rollercoaster, poorly written smutt, etc… 18+ please

(A/N: This is strictly a work of fiction that I came up with off the top of my head. For fictional purposes his S/O & Son are not mentioned. I love him and his little family, though, so no hate intended. This is the first time posting anything on Tumblr, but I couldn’t get it out of my head since my ao3 fic is currently on hiatus because writers block. Feedback is appreciated. unbetaed, all mistakes are mine.)

TAGS: @jml509 @jesbakescookies @daddy-kink-confirmed @wayward-mirage

   The flight home was excruciating without Jeff there to hold my hand. It had been said that I was the female Richard Speight Jr. when it came to flying and no one, I repeat no one, had been able to top me. My panic didn’t even begin to fade until I was in the backseat of my Uber, almost halfway to the club, with my phone clutched to my ear for dear life waiting on Jeffrey to pick up the damn phone. 

    “What’re you doin’?” He answered with a thick drawl, smirk obviously playing on his face behind the other line.

    “Trying not to suffocate. Talk me through it. ” I gasped as his voice immediately slowed my breathing.

   "You’re on the ground, you’re alright, and you’re one the way home" he chuckled sincerely    "On the way to work, actually. They called me in early for a meeting about my promotion. Kinda freaking out here.“ I nervously looked out the window.    "Babe, its gonna be fine. Its not like they’re gonna fire you or something even if you dont get the promotion. Besides, who else is gonna take it?”    "Antoine. He’s been there for 6 years and barely got V.I.P manger “ I whined, throwing my head back into the seat with a huff. “He must be a shit head, then”    "It took him 90 seconds one night to talk someone I to giving me a thousand dollar tip because I have green eyes.“    "They’re the most beautiful green eyes in the world. I’d tip you a ‘G right now just to look at them.” Another chuckle grumbled through the line.    "Shut up.“ I mumbled back, searching the surroundings outside of the car as we pulled into the parking lot of the cabaret.    "Holy fuck stick. Andy’s here. Fuck. Fuck Fuck. I gotta go Jeff, I’ll call you back.” I abruptly hung up the phone, tipped the driver, and pushed myself out of the car to be greeted by Andy Kyle, the owner of the club, standing by the entry. He instantly turned to me and smiled widely, raising his eyebrows and grasping for my hands,    "Kylin! So great to see you! Thank you for coming in so early, I had an unexpected flight to catch. I hear you just left the airport yourself,“ He smirked, eyes dancing over my messy pig tails, sweatpants and Heartagram hoodie.     I gave a nervous laugh back as we started to walk towards the door, "Yes, sir. Sorry about look like a slouch,  I was in New York visiting a friend.”      "Lovely, dear. So why didn’t you tell us before that we had a celebrity working here? We could have marketed it!“ He laughed a jolly laugh as he held the door open for me to step inside.       He unlocked the side door that lead to the General Manager’s office, and gestured for me to take a seat. Seeing us arrive, Andrea quickly popped her head into the office through the door leading from the club floor, "Need anything, Mr. K? Ky?”      "Whiskey for me, please, ‘Dre” I smiled wearily at her. I needed the hair of the dog if I was gonna get through this.       “Same for me, please. Bring us my bottle, though, please.” Andy smiled, sitting behind his desk and returning his attention to me.      "So, Kylin Ackles. Why didn’t I ever make the connection before? My wife loves your brother’s show.“ He beamed, clasping his hands in front of him on the desk top.     “Errr….I don’t really tell anyone. I don’t make it a secret but I don’t really live for the whole brother’s coat tails scenario.” I habitually bit my lip in nervousness and looked at my hands in my lap.      "Well, you better get used to the attention, now that you’re dating Negan,“ He barked, leaning back in the comfortable office chair.      I rolled my eyes, ’of course he saw the article.’ "I… hadn’t really thought about that.” I cocked my head to the side, looking at him as Andrea reappeared with our drinks.      "Let’s get down to business, shall we?“ He cleared his throat and we both thanked 'Drea, her giving me the thumbs up before closing the door behind her.      "You’ve worked here for how long?” He asked, lifting some paperwork out of a folder and rummaging through it. “About 4 months, sir.” I answered, suddenly feeling twitchy again.      "Hmmm, do you know, that in four months, you have increased liquor and champagne sales by almost 70%?“ He narrowed his eyes at me before returning them to the papers in front of him.      "Uh, no sir, I did not. I’m sure that couldn’t be just me.” I felt myself blush as I took a sip of my glass with a shaky hand.      "Nope, I had John go through everyone’s percentage twice just to be sure. That’s really all you. How do you do it?“ He took a sip of his own.      "I have no idea” I chuckled, looking down at the drink in my hand, “I just take care of your customers, sir.”     “And you do a fine good job of it. Now, I know John and Antoine filled you in on the situation with Eddy, right?” He rested his elbows on the table and clasped his hands below his chin. “Yes, John’s getting dance manager and you’re needing someone for dining.” “Correct.” he chuckled, “No secrets around here, huh?” “Not usually, ha.” I giggled, relaxing a bit.      "So, you up for it? Walking around in a suit like one of the big boys?“ He barked a laugh and tossed his head, leaning back in his seat with a clap.    "I’m sure it’s nothing that I can’t handle.” I giggled again, shaking my head while taking another sip.     “I do have a condition, though” he cleared his throat as he straightened himself. My eyes narrowed suspiciously.    "I’m not going to fuck you.“ I blurted out, remembering stories I’ve heard of these situations before.      "What? No! God no! My wife would kill us both.” He laughed nervously, “What I want to do is throw you a promotion party, but you would have to bring the guests, if you know what I mean.” And here it was, the reason I never told anyone about who my friends were. I sighed.      "I’ll see what I can do, and get back to you tomorrow, okay?“ I pulled out my phone so he could enter his number and send himself a text from me, "No promises, though, convention season’s starting and it’s always Hell.”    "Deal!“ He shouted, standing up to shake my hand enthusiastically. I almost immediately regretted it when I realized that meant having to convince everyone to come.    "Fuck my life” I muttered under my breath as I shook his hand before heading to the dressing room. 

     Of fucking course the moment I walked into said dressing room every single dancer, waitress, bartender and even the house mom’s eyes were burning into my flesh.      "Hey, ladies…what’s up? I got something on my face?“ I began awkwardly rummaging through my backpack for my change of clothes, face growing hot.      "Well, that depends, dear, did you let him nut there this morning?” The old gray hair woman sitting behind her desk giggled, bringing a long red finger nail to her lips. I rolled my eyes at her vulgarity, “Jesus, Mom, I do have some dignity.”      "Well? We all saw the pictures. You know we want details.“ Cali exclaimed, crawling up on the makeup counter lining the wall, a dreamy look in her eyes,    "How big is his dick? I bet Negan has a big dick.” She looked to one of the other girls who nodded enthusiastically.    "I didn’t sleep with him, God!“ I threw my head back and closed my eyes, "Ya’ll are all whores.” Everyone just basically blinked at me. “I hate ya’ll. All ya’ll.” I shook my head as I pulled off my shirt.      "Wooooo-weeeeee, there it is ya’ll! The evidence!“ Andrea shouted, poking my cleavage that spilled over the top of my bra.       I looked down at my chest to find a dark red hickey lingering on my skin. I sighed, remembering how it got there with a smirk on my face before snapping out of it and bringing my face back to the people around me, "I didn’t sleep with him, okay!? We just….made out on his couch.” I sighed again. “How the fuck old are you again, bitch?” Cali cackled. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”     I pulled my work shirt on over my head, adjusting it correctly to hide the mark, then switched my baggie sweatpants for my tight blue jeans. I brushed my hair out from under the beanie and was applying my makeup when my phone buzzed in my pocket.    "Oooo, I bet it’s lover boy” the house mom cooed, giggling like a woman a quarter of her age.    I rolled my eyes as I looked at the screen, “It’s just my brother, keep your panties on.” “I’d take mine off for him, too!” I heard Cali shout from her locker. “What the fuck was that?” Jensen laughed, having heard Cali through the line.      "Your adoring fans at my job have discovered who I am. I hate you.“ I replied, coating my eyes with liner.    "You’re the one who was eye fucking Jason Crouse at the airport.” he retorted. “Fuck all ya’ll.” I repeated, loud enough for everyone and him to hear. “So, I see you made it home in one piece, sister. How was your trip.” He teased. “Lovely, thank you.” I said as I lined my lips with a dark red pencil. “Good. Keep it in your pants?” He asked bluntly.      "God, I. Hate. All. Ya’ll!“ I exclaimed again, “No, brother, No ladies, No everyone. I did not. fuck. him. Jesus fucking Christ!” I threw the pencil down in defeat. “Okay, okay, I get it. Getting enough Hell there, I see.” He cackled.      "Jared with you? I have a favor to ask you and the wives.“ I changed the subject to more important issues. "Yesss,” He hissed, “What do you want now? Money?” “I bet she killed someone!” I could hear Jared scream behind my Jensen.      "Neither. I’m getting a promotion.“ I inhaled sharply before continuing, "And the owner wants ya’ll there for my promotion party. That’s the stipulation to me getting it.” I exhaled and cringed, waiting on his reply. “Hmmmm. Will he be there?” he being Jeffrey, I knew. “Maybe.” I said with a tone of suspicion in my voice.      "Okay, I’ll do it. Jare, you in?“ He said simply, then continued, "Jarebear says he’s in. Let me know when and we’ll rally the forces for you.” I could hear the smile in his voice and it brought one of my own to my face.      "Thanks, bubs. I kinda love you now.“ I giggled before hanging up the phone and breathing out a sigh of relief. One phone call down, one more to go about all this.      It was decided that I’d wait to call Jeff and ask until after work that night, seeing as the moment I stepped behind the bar I was engulfed in orders and issues that lasted until the lights came on. I was thankful as hell that 'Drea had offered to give me a ride back home so I didn’t have to worry about waiting on a 2am creepy Uber driver, or even worse, a disco-ball clad taxi driver with crazy eyes. Of course on the way home, though, Andrea made it a point to make me spill every detail about my weekend, swooning over it like it was the greatest love story ever told.    "It’s not that serious, girl.” I snorted at her googly eyes as she pulled into my parking lot.    "To Hell it’s not, that man is gorgeous.“ She giggled, reaching over the console to give me a hug.    We said our good nights and I let myself in, crashing into bed before stripping off my jeans and bra with a grunt. I was having thoughts about just calling Jeff in the morning as I drifted off for a moment before my phone rang, displaying his picture.    "Hmmmm,” I answered, rutting around to find the comfiest position in my blankets. “Sleepy, little one?” came his raspy voice into my ear. “Mmmhmmm, tonight was hell. I got the promotion, though, I think.”    "Oh yeah? Well that’s good baby doll. Why do you only think you got it, though?“ He questioned sweetly.    "Well, actually, I was gonna call you in the morning, but…” I trailed off as a yawn took me over. “What?” he chuckled.    "He wants to throw me a promotion party, you see.“ I yawned again, rubbing my eyes with my free hand. "You or the club?”    "Both, I believe. Anyway, think you can make an appearance for me?“ I held my breath while waiting for his answer.    He took a moment, either to actually think about it or tease me, I’m still not sure, "Of course.” I exhaled a sigh of relief, “Thank you, God” “Most people just call me Jeff, hun” He let out a raspy chuckle. “Thank you, Jeffrey.” I mumbled, beginning to drift off again, “Anytime, Sweetheart,” Another chuckle, “Get some sleep.”   “Night, Mr. J, love you.-” I was already asleep by the time the last words mumbled through my lips.

     I woke up that next after noon around 2:30, feeling refreshed after the much needed  sleep. I stretched my arms over my head and checked my phone as I walked to the bathroom. I sent Andy a text letting him know that I had succeeded in my task for him and that I would figure out a date that everyone could attend while I brushed my teeth, then turned on the hot water and letting the bathtub fill before adding my favorite bubbles. 

   I had just slipped into the steaming water when my phone rang. I grumbled as I leaned over to get it from it’s place on the floor. 

Of course, it was Jeffrey. And it was a video call. 

   I adjusted myself to where the bubbles were covering anything important before clicking the 'accept’ button and watching it flash to a visual of him sitting on his couch.    "Well hello there, bubbles.“ he grinned, biting his tongue with his teeth. I cocked an eyebrow at him, "may I help you, sir?”     “Oh, yes, doll, I’m sure you could help me…."he rasped, eyes darkening as he watched the bubbles move around my chest gently.       I placed my forearm over my breasts to shield them from his view, even though my arm barely covered my nipples as they squished down against my chest, to prop my phone up on the bathtub shelf in front of me. I kept my arm over me as I dipped back into the water, knowing he would have a better angle to see everything if I wasn’t careful.      "Damn doll, you made me forget why I even called you.” he shook his head at me while wiping his face with his hand, causing me to giggle.      "I’ve been known to have that affect, I suppose.“ I waded the fingers of my free hand through the water teasingly, suddenly feeling bold, "What can I do you for, Mr. Morgan?”      "So formal, hmmm. You’re fucking dangerous, doll. Why don’t you move that arm while I try and remember?“ He growled, licking his lips as his eyes got impossibly darker.      I smiled coyly, "Nuh-uh. I’m not letting the first time you see me naked be over some bad quality cell phone screen.” I dipped further down into the bubbles.      Jeffrey pouted, hunching his shoulders, “Fine. But I'mma get you, little girl, just you wait.” he shook his index finger at the camera and I giggled back.      "So when’s this party they’re throwing you?“ He asked after clearing his throat to retrieve his composure.      "Probably not till the end of the month. The house mom, Judy, is throwing it and she goes all out with everything.” I rolled my eyes at the memory of my birthday party they’d thrown me. Glitter everywhere. He pouted some more and whined, “And I have to wait until then to see you?”    I barked out a laugh at him, dipping my head back into the water, “Please, like it’s that difficult.”    "It’s that difficult.“ he stated in a husky tone, narrowing his eyes at me. I rolled mine. "Whatever.”    "You whatever, Missy” he pointed at me again, eyebrows still furrowing, “I don’t get you. You don’t see how absolutely amazing you are, do you?    "I’m not amazing.” I snorted, looking away from the screen and down to my toes on the other side of my phone. I tapped them on the edge of the tub, creating ripples in the water. “Yes, you are.” “I’m a bartender with-” I began, but he cut me off,    “Damnit, woman, listen to me!“ Jeffrey rasped, tone of voice and face firm, obviously annoyed.    Purely on an instinct that had been locked away for half of a year, I dropped my eyes and squeaked out, “Yes, sir.”    Jeffrey’s face instantly hardened more, but with a different purpose now, “Aye, none of that bullshit with me. None of it. It’s one thing to kid around but I will never treat you like that. You’re an amazing person and you deserve to be treated and reminded as such.” He nodded his head for punctuation before continuing, “Don’t think I didn’t google you, Ms. Random Acts.”     I instantly blushed and looked away again, “It’s really nothing, I just helped with it. A long time ago.”      "You helped Misha and his friend put together the entire fucking thing and it’s just 'nothing’? What did that fucker do to your head, baby girl?“  He shook his head again, looking like he was wishing he could hug me.      "I…I don’t know, Jeff. Lot’s of shit.” I finally brought my self to look back into the phone, attempting to keep my tears in their ducts with a shaky breath, “It’s been forever now but I still feel like some of the shit he said or did was deserved. I told you I was fucked up.”       “Baby girl, I know you’re fucked up. Hell, I’m no picnic, either. But you need to understand that the things you’re capable of, and the things you’ve done are awesome. Look at you, your life now. You got away from that skeezeball and are actually improving your life. You’re gonna get that awesome promotion and be able to take more time off to do other shit you used to be able to. I’m sure Collins still needs help, especially with the whole Gishwish thing.” “Gishwhes.” I corrected.    "Whatever,“ He sighed, knowing I was cracking, "You know what I meant and you know it’s true. Stop selling yourself short.” “I am short.” I quipped quickly.    Another glare and a sigh from him, “I guess I’m just going to have to remind you every single day from now on how beautiful you are, how smart you are, and how absolutely amazing you are, huh, little one?” He cocked his head with a smirk. My face grew even redder as I rolled my eyes again to attempt to hide it.    "I suppose. Now what did you want?“ I said, hoping to turn the attention back on him and change the subject again.    "Sooo…."He began, scratching at his jawline for a moment, "I know it’s early, but I was wondering what you would be doing for Valentines day.” I cocked an eyebrow at him suspiciously, “That’s over a month away, hun”    "Just trying to figure out a plan, here, dear.“ He stuck his knuckles under his jaw to hold his head up. "Probably working.” I replied, swishing my hand through the water. “Think you could get off for like, a week?” He cringed in hopefulness. “Probably not, not with the promotion and all.” I sighed. “Shit. Okay. Maybe a weekend?” He tried again, rubbing his beard.    "Possibly. When and Why?“ My eyebrow was still cocked as my eyes narrowed again    "Weekend before Valentines day we have a convention in New Orleans. Figured we could spend the week there after your party,” He looked down with an almost shy expression on his face, “But I"ll take the weekend while I do the con if it’s all I can get.” He looked back to me with a crooked smile. I smiled back, “I will see what I can do, Mr. Morgan.”    His smile widened and shone brighter “Okay, doll. Look’s like you’re getting pruny, I’ll let you go.” He wagged his eyebrows and let his eyes glance downward to my now bubble-less chest that was still covered by my arm. I bit my lip to muffle my giggle, “Bye, Mr. J.” “Talk to you later, Ms. Ackles.”

   Two weeks later and we had finally gotten everything figured out for my party. It would be the first weekend of February, and Jeff would  fly in on Friday morning and stay until we drove to New Orleans the following weekend. I was still working behind the bar but could definitely feel the responsibility starting to weigh as the girls all looked to me more while John was busy with training for the new position they gave him. Thankfully under my leadership we all worked like a well oiled machine, and nothing ever got out of hand or more than we could handle.    That was until I was mixing drinks one night when a familiar voice spoke up from behind me. A familiar, dreaded voice. 

   "Being a movie star’s whore still got you slinging drinks, huh, Kylin?“ the venomous words flicked themselves down my back as I spun around to face him.    "What the fuck are you doing here, Anthony?” I seethed, eyes narrowing while I subconsciously backed away from him into the counter in front of the mirror.    "Came to see what all the hype is about” He gestured around with his beer bottle. “They say John Winchester’s little bitch works here, figured I’d check it out.” He chuckled, taking a sip.    "Get the fuck out of my bar.“ I spit, my hands shaking as they clutched the counter.    Seeing my demeanor, John walked up beside me and put his hand on my shoulder, “Everything alright?” his voice was rough and his jaw had tightened.    "Everything’s fine, I’ll be going.“ Anthony winked as he tossed a 20 on the counter.    Once he was lost in the crowd, I turned to John, "Stay beside me the entire fucking night. I don’t want you out of my sight. Please.” Tears ran down my face as he pulled me into his chest, his broad shoulders and thick arms swallowing me whole. John was a huge, massive man, toned by years of body building but had the sweetest heart for any woman he ever met. I had mentioned to him briefly before that my past relationship wasn’t anything but horrible, so I’m sure he could gather what was going on. He verified as much when he gruffly asked, “That was the douchebag, wasn’t it?”    Sighing while nodding into his chest, I confirmed. “Yeah. That was him.” The rest of the night went fine, but I was still shaky when the lights came on and everyone had left. I cleaned the bar quickly and asked John if he could escort me out to my car.    "Of course, come on” He had said, extending a chivalrous arm out for me to take.    The cold January air swept over us as we exited the doors and headed towards the back of the parking lot where I had parked. We had almost gotten to my car when suddenly John was smacked over the head with a baseball bat, hard enough to knock him unconscious immediately.    I tried to let out a scream as Anthony’s hand pushed against my mouth “Shhhh, now, whore. Shut the fuck up.” He growled,      His other hand dropped the bat and enclosed itself around my throat until I lost my breath and couldn’t scream. He then applied both hands to my neck and squeezed until black stars appeared. I attempted to gasp for breath and call out for help but I couldn’t make my voice come. Anxiety was rippling through me as suddenly everything went black.

   I woke up twelve hours later in a hospital bed, John beside me with his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking up and down as soft sobs came from him.    "Joh-“ I tried, but my voice cracked and rasped and wouldn’t elevate above a broken whisper.    His head immediately shot up, “Oh my god, Ky, oh my God! Thank God. Thank God.”    He raised himself out of the chair and rushed over to me, grabbing my hand. “He came out of nowhere, God, I’m so sorry Kylin, I’m sorry. You ask me to-” He broke down, falling to his knees at the side of my bed.    Suddenly the door came flying open and in ran Jensen, “Kylin.” He breathed, moving to the opposite side of the bed as John.    "Hey,“ came my meek reply, looking up to him as he tried not to break down as like John.    "It was him, wasn’t it? Anthony?” Jensen looked to John instead of asking me.    John simply nodded, finally raising his tear-streaked face from where it had been buried in the side of my bed.    "He came out of nowhere with a bat, I didn’t even get a chance-“ He broke off again, looking up to me with tears in his eyes, "I’m so sorry.”    The doctor came in shortly after to check on my vitals. She had a sympathetic look on her face as she explained my injuries.    "You have a slight case of petechia, some busted blood vessels in your eyes, but nothing too serious there. The concern we’re having is with your cervix. It looks like we need to prep you for emergency surg-“ I cut the lady off before she could finish,    "Ce-ce-cervix? How could he have- Oh god.” bile instantly rose to my mouth and I heaved over the side of the bed, vomit splashing on my brother’s shoes as I made the connection.    "I’m so sorry, Ms. Ackles. It appears that he also wore a condom, so we haven’t been able to take a DNA sample.“ I felt the bile rise in my throat again but was still slightly relieved there would be no chance of being pregnant by him. I simply nodded and turned to face my brother, who was seething. "I’m gonna kill him. No one does that. No one rapes my fucking sis-”

“He did what?” came the coarse voice from the door that I would recognize anywhere.     Jeffrey walked into the room to stand beside John, who was still kneeling beside the bed.      "I’m gonna go,“ John whispered, then stood up and brought a hand to my forhead to brush my hair back before kissing me there. I cringed at the touch and felt bile rise from my belly again.      "I’m going to let work know you won’t be in for a while. Don’t worry about anything, Ky.” He assured me before slipping out of the room past the doctor. I couldn’t meet Jeffrey’s eyes as he assumed the same position that John had been in, reaching for my hand that I jerked away from him.    "Shhh, sweetpea, It’s okay. Everything will be okay.“ he cooed, patting the bed beside my hand.    "Gentlemen, I’m going to have to ask you to wait in the waiting room while we prep her for surgery.” The doctor spoke softly as the men both turned to her. “I promise she is safe” She reassured them.    Jensen leaned down and kissed my forehead, listening to my whimper with tears in his eyes, whispering “I’ll be right here when you get out. We both will” He looked to Jeffrey before making his way to the door, grasping the older mans shoulder as he moved past him.    Jeffrey stared at me for another moment, his own tears spilling over and into the creases beside his eyes. He sniffled before wiping his face with his palm, “God, baby, I’m not leaving you. I’ll be right here. Okay?” He searched my eyes with a tilt of his head, and I responded with a nod.    I zoned out while the doctor and nurses explained to me the procedure, nodding my acknowledgment and scribbling my name across the consent forms. I was grateful when the anesthesiologist entered the room to put me under. Part of me wished I’d never emerge.

   I was released from the hospital two days later with a 'clean bill of health’ besides the obvious emotional trauma, for which they gave me packets upon packets of information on. I knew better than to give the police Anthony’s name when they asked, removing the risk of it getting to the tabloids and further exposure. Jensen had assured me that he knew people who would take care of it. I still hadn’t spoken or allowed any of the men to touch me after a week.    Jensen and Jeffrey never left my apartment and Jared had brought Gen and Dani up while he took care of the kids. Both of the women whom I call my best friends never left my bed unless to go to the bathroom or call their children. Even when Jeffrey would come into the room and sit at the foot of the bed and stare into my blank eyes while whispering sweet things, they never left, would just lay there with me listening while stroking my hair.     Andy though it best to postpone my promotion until after I was able to get back to work, but left a message with John that I was allowed all the time in the world that I needed and that my spot at the club would always be there. John came by twice the first week and had hushed conversations with Jeff and Jensen in the living room while I would doze off with the girls. Another week had past before I was finally able to will myself to speak.    Dani had come back from taking a shower while I napped with Gen, she was wrapped in my cotton robe as she crawled back into my bed, whispering a hello. “Hi.” I peeped, voice almost inaudible after weeks of not speaking.    I sat up in the bed with her help, rousing Gen from her nap at the same time that Jeff and Jensen entered the room.    "Looking better already, sister” Jensen beamed, receiving a weak smile from me in return.    Jeffrey stayed standing in the doorway silently, gauging my reaction to his presence. I managed a small smile in his direction and he pushed himself off the door jamb to step closer. I looked up to Jensen and then back to Jeff, trying to figure out my own emotions. 

“I’m sorry.” was the only thing I could think to say.

“For what, baby doll?” Jeffrey asked, tilting his head in confusion. “I…’m not tryna push you away…I just…” I choked out    Jensen immediately was at my side, kneeling beside Danielle, who was stroking my hair silently.    "No, sissy, I get it. It’s fine. That’s why I got the girls here.“ Jensen huffed, fighting back tears.    He lifted his hand off it’s place on Dani’s hip for a moment like he wanted to brush my hair back or something, but quickly put it back down with a pout of his lip. Jeffrey had finally managed to step to the foot of the bed, and kept his arms crossed in front of him with his shoulders slouched. It looked odd, him trying to appear smaller, less intimidating, but I gave him another small smile, knowing he was trying for my benefit.      Jensen looked from me to Jeffrey and gave a small sigh before returning his gaze to me. He gave me a nod, then lifted up off the floor and walked towards the door, a hand on Jeffrey’s shoulder for a moment before exiting the room. Danneel and Gen moved to get up as well but I couldn’t stop from grabbing their hands and whimpering.      "No, no, it’s okay girls, stay, she needs you both.” he choked back a sob and held his hands up, signaling them to not to move as a tear spilled over. They both hunkered back down into the blanket with me, snuggling close. My nerves instantly calmed and I was able to meet Jeff’s eyes finally.      We just stared at each other for a moment, his eyes kind and caring, mine hurt and scared.    "Mind if I sit, beautiful?“ He asked, voice low and cracking as he tried to regain himself.      I weakly nodded, moving my legs up closer to my chest to give him more room as the girls scooted themselves up as well. They both moved their arms around me in a protective embrace, even though we all knew I wasn’t in any danger.      Jeffrey gently perched himself on the edge of the mattress, looking down to his boots for a moment with a sigh. He craned his head back around to search my face, eyes glistening again.      "I’m sorry,” he said finally, swallowing hard to fight the tears, “I should have been there.”    "Its not your fault, Jeff,“ it was Danneel who spoke, a sad tone of her voice as his eyes flicked to her, “None of us can beat our selves up over it. No one did anything wrong” she turned to face me as she stroked my hair and repeated, “No one”.    Jeff and I nodded in unison, her words being true. He brought his eyes back to me and leaned back on his forearm, “I will be here for you, baby doll, anything you need.”    I mustered the ability to lean forward, reaching for his hand that he immediately outstretched once he realized my intention. It felt nice to feel his skin again, and I smiled weakly at the sensation. “Thank you, Jeffrey.” “Anytime, sweetheart.”

   Another week had past and I was feeling more at ease. The girls and Jensen finally had to leave, Jared going crazy with the kids and both him and Jen had multiple commitments and appearances. Jeffrey had insisted that he cancel his appearance in New Orleans, not feeling bad in the least, unlike me.    "Don’t feel bad, darlin’, you’re more important.“ He assured, his long frame stretched out along the length of the bed at my feet, "I need to make sure you’re okay” “I’m almost fine,” I smiled, sitting up to cross my legs and scoot closer to him, “Almost.”    "Anything I can do to help?“ He asked, looking up at me from where he was propped up on his elbows. I shook my head.    "I need to get out of this house for a bit. I’ll be back.” I said, removing my self from the comfort of my sheets.      Jeffrey didn’t say anything as he watched me disappear into the bathroom for a shower, reemerging in a pair of jeans, tank top, & flannel. He was still silent as I grabbed my keys and coat and exited the house, leaving him there by himself.    I drove around aimlessly for about an hour, before pulling into the salon. Three hours later, I exited the building with my nails done, sharp black claws once again, and my blonde hair had been dyed a vibrant shade of lavender. Feeling the affects of the champagne I’d been drinking, I allowed myself to smile at my appearance for the first time in a long time while I eyed myself in the rear view mirror as I made my way back to the house. 

   I didn’t realize how intoxicated I was until I was attempting to unlock my front door and couldn’t figure out which key was which. Jeff must have heard me failing miserably because he opened the door with a questionable look. 

“What in the hell?” He asked, eyes wide at the sight of me.

   "Well Hello, Mr. J!“ I exclaimed with a wide smile, pushing myself through the door way and into his arms, causing him to back up. "What’re you doing, Ky?” He shook his head with a worried expression on his face, “Are you…” he leaned in slightly and sniffed around my face, “drunk?” “Apparently. Champagne at a salon seems to be stronger than champagne at famous LA parties, don’t you think?” I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I suppose so.” He chuckled, his long arms snaking around my waste to help hold me up, “What did you do to your hair?” “Oh! ha! I almost forgot! Silly me! Do you like it?” I stepped back from him to primp my hair like a woman from the 50’s. “I like it, so it doesn’t really matter, but it would be nice if youuu liked it, Mr. J.” “It’s…different.” He gulped, still unsure of my actions. “You don’t like it,” I pouted, pulling away further and turning my back to him so I could walk in the living room while pulling off my jacket. “Now I never said that.” He replied, trailing into the room behind me. I spun around and smiled at him coyly, tossing the coat on a chair, “So you do?” He smiled, eyes glittering with fondness “I do. It suits you. Why the change, though, doll?” “I needed it. Needed to be different for a moment. Feel myself, ya know?” I walked to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine and poured my self a glass while Jeffrey watched.   “You know what I want now, though, Mr. Morgan?” I asked, voice low and raspy as I let a Cheshire smile curl across my lips as I sauntered towards him slowly.    He gulped again as he watched me take a long sip of the red wine before placing it on the nearest table, my eyes never leaving his. I approached him, wrapped my arms around his neck again and stood up on my tip-toes as I gazed into his eyes. “What’s that?” He asked as I felt his hands grip my waist nervously. “You.” I breathed before planting a sloppy open mouthed kiss on his neck.    Jeffrey froze, and his eyes went wide. His fingers tightened on my hips, and a small gasp escaped his lips. “Baby girl,” He mumbled before gently pushing me away, “No.”    Alcohol infused disappointment wretched itself into my body. Into my mind. I stepped away from him, tears springing instinctively to my eyes. “You don’t…want me.”    "That’s not it at all, baby doll, and you know that” His voice was low but stern. I glared at him, disappointment and rejection turning to rage and hate. “You don’t want me because I’m used up, huh? Don’t want to fuck a girl who gets her self raped?”

Shock crossed his face and he immediately shook his head, “No, sweet heart, I-”    "Fuck you, Jeffrey.“ I cut him off, seething as I crossed my arms in front of my chest while he took another step forward. “You’re drunk babe-”    "Like that’s ever stopped you before,“I scoffed, rolling my eyes, "If I remember correctly you got me liquored up on New Years just so you could touch me.” “You know that’s not what hap-”    I couldn’t stop myself from shoving him by the chest, hard. He stumbled back a moment and knocked into the wall, “Kylin,” he growled in warning, starting to get frustrated

   "What are you gonna do, huh, big guy? What are you going to do?“ I yelled, shoving him again. He knocked into the wall so hard this time that a picture near by fell to the floor. He tried to go for my wrists but I twisted them away from him and without thinking smacked him across the face as hard as I could, my sharp claws scratching his face. 

   "This gonna make you feel better? Being a bitch?” he grunted, brows furrowing in frustration as he pushed himself off the wall while bringing his finger tips to his face.

   "Fuck you, Jeffrey. Fuck you. You know what I need? I need to feel fucking normal again. I was actually starting to feel normal for a second there, but of course that was all in my fucking head, right? Kinda like the idea of you actually wanting me. Of anyone ever wanting me.“ I clenched my teeth as I seethed, tears streaming down my face as I started for my bedroom.    "You’ve gone through a traumatic experience, Ky, I’m not going to allow you to do something you regret just because you’re drunk.” He followed me into the room where I whipped around and glared at him. If looks could kill, he’d be exploding.    I huffed out a mocking laugh, “Ha! That’s right, don’t allow me to do anything stupid! Don’t allow me to do anything at all! That’s what everyone does, right? not allow me to do anything. I’m too stupid to make my own decisions, right? Right?!” I screamed, throwing everything off my dresser in one sweep of my hand.    "Kylin, stop. Please, baby girl, stop.“ His voice was lower but still as rough, and he held his hands up in a defensive position, gauging if I was going to attack him again or not.    "If you don’t want to fuck me, right now, then get your shit and get the fuck out of my apartment, and I never want to see you again.” I growled, drunkenly pulling the closet door open to retrieve his leather jacket. “Ky, It’s not that-”    "That’s it,“ I pushed the jacket into his chest and pushed him out of the bedroom door, "Get the fuck out.” “Kylin-”    "Get the fuck out, Jeffrey. Out of my apartment, and out of my life.“ I ripped off the necklace he’d given me from my neck and threw it at him before I slammed my bedroom door in his face.    A few moments later I heard my front door open and then softly click closed, and I knew that I was alone. I looked out my window to see the rental car I knew he’d been driving gone from it’s spot in the parking lot. Still pissed, I dug through the back of my closet until I found the black bag in the back that I had been looking for. Throwing it over my shoulder before grabbing my keys and locking the door, I headed towards my car. Towards the club.    I stormed in through the doors of the bar and straight up to the door girl, who looked at me with wide eyes. John stood beside her with a mirrored expression on his face.    "Uh, hey, Ky…uh….We didn’t know you’d be coming back so soon…Uh, the bar’s all set for the night…"He panicked.    "Fuck the God damned bar. Fuck that stupid promotion.” I started, throwing the shoes I had been carrying on the counter, making both of them flinch. “I’m wanna dance.”

part seven: https://hornsbeforehalos.tumblr.com/post/164020959274/anytime-sweetheart-part-7

[demondeanismybaby]

When You Try so Hard

Pairing: Jared x reader, mentions of Misha and Jensen

Word count: 1793

Warnings: Mild angst, TW:Self-harm, talks about reader having depression

Summary: You meet Jared and he gets to know the real you, the one you keep struggling to hide, but instead of leaving you something amazing happens.

A/N: So thinking about Jared’s slogan on always keep fighting inspired me to write this. That sometimes it nice to think about how things might not always end so horribly and that sometimes fighting means you could have a future where awesome things happen. Anyway this is single!Jared for the purposes of this fic.

Meeting Jared had been a total fluke. Walking in to the coffee shop, you were desperate for you afternoon jolt, holding a hand to shield your face from the sunny skies. You were so concerned with getting a latte you weren't watching where you were going and smacked against something hard.

"Argh," grasping your nose, "why is this happening?"

You were trying to keep it together but it has been a rough morning. Trying to see past the tears that were forming you could make out the cloudy shape of a dividing wall that you had smashed into.

"Hey? I saw your accident there," a guy was walking up to you and started shoving a napkin into your hand, " I think your bleeding."

You took what he had given you and pressed it against your nose, when you pulled back you could see it stained red. So you put it back and trying to gain your bearings made your way to the bathroom. Eventually the bleeding stopped and your vision cleared. Since clearly the universe hated you, you decided you were going to go home and stay in bed forever, it had already been days since you had been out anyway. You heard a tapping sound and figured that whoever it was could wait to pee for another minute while you collected yourself.

"Hi, I just wanted to make sure you were doing OK," it was the guy from earlier.

His concern helped you to feel a little better so you straightened your hair and dabbed off your face one last time before going back out into the lobby. "Yeah, I'm alright," you said trying to meet his gaze but he was insanely tall, "anyway I'm y/n, thanks for the help." You stated to head back over to the counter, carefully this time, trying to finally get your drink. As you were busy ordering you felt someone slide in beside you.

"Jared," the man said holding out his hand to you, "how do you feel about some company?"

Shaking his hand you figured with those gorgeous hazel eyes, and long brown hair his company might be worth staying out for a while.

"I'd love some."

He chose the table, it was as far towards the back of the place as possible, the light from the windows facing the street hardly touched it. It felt intimate. Soon you were trying not to choke on your drink as you sipped it between stories Jared told you. His whole demeanor was easy and light, he sat backwards in his chair wrapping his legs around the bottom, he was like a giant kid.

"Well," you stood after over an hour of banter, "I should be getting home."

His face fell a little, but recovered as he rifled through his bag pulling it a scrap of paper and jotting something down. Again, he wadded something into your hand, as he wrapped you in a welcome hug. As you pulled away you unfolded it, it was a phone number. "Please call me sometime," his look was nervous.

Trying to reassure him, you told him the truth, "trust me, I will." After that day you had spent more lazy days chatting and getting to know Jared. He worked in television, that's why he was in your area. They filmed nearby and he stayed for part of the year in a small apartment. He told you about his football team, where his family was from, and eventually he told you more.

You couldn’t recall the exact day that Jared figured out your secret. There must have been a precise moment but you started noticing the small changes between the two of you. The days when he came to see you, and your face would still be red and puffed out from crying, or you wouldn't move from your bed the entire time he talked to you. Crawling next to you he would play with your hands or show you funny videos on his phone. He never asked what was going on but he did enough when he saw you to let you know that he understood something was awry.  

Dragging your feet across the muted pink carpet, you winced as your passed by the window. Sunlight poured in, reminding you in the biggest way imaginable that you were yet again, at home alone in the middle of the week. It had been days of calling off work, and there seemed to be no end in sight. Your phone vibrated against your leg, and pulling it out you saw it flash Jared and some long line of text, you shoved it back in your jeans just wanting to be alone.

Trapping yourself in the tiny bathroom, looking down on your arms, you saw the criss-crossing patterns of scars. The blade in your hand caught your attention as the light played off the metal glinting into your eyes. Holding your breath you told your self to stop, you weren’t alone, you didn’t have to do this. Pressing the tip against your wrist you saw a drop of blood well up there, hesitating, then there was a knock at the door. Trying to ignore it, you were torn at what to do, the pounding got louder. The metallic clink echoed off the sink as you threw it down tugging at your sleeve.

Jared stared at you, his brows knit together, inspecting you. “I was knocking for like five minutes, didn’t you hear me.”

“Yeah,” you opened the door but walked away not wanting to look at his face, “I was busy.” Even to you, it sounded like a weak excuse.

“Your bleeding,” his tone was tight, so unlike the first time he had helped you with a wound.

You glanced down at your sleeve, realizing faintly that you must have pressed down harder than you thought, there was blood dripping into your palm and staining your clothes. “Yeah I was cooking something, must have slipped.”

He was running through your apartment, sitting down on the couch you watched him, everything seeming sort of fuzzy. Then he was next to you lifting up the arm of your shirt and pressing a towel against your wrist.

“Please, just tell me the truth, I promise whatever is going on I am here for you.”

It stung slightly, the scratch of the material against the cut. Looking at Jared bent over you studiously examining your sliced up arm, it dawned on you, he was telling the truth. And you wanted to tell him. As he cleaned up your arm, and you felt him carefully wrap some of the bandage you kept on hand around it, you told him everything. Crippling depression kept you stuck in bed, feeling the joy of being alive sucked out of you, the only time you ever felt anything real was when you cut. You told him about your family, your past, and all the while he just listened carefully.

“I get it, you know,” he said after you had lapsed into silence, “there are times when I am supposed to work or do a scene and it just hits me.” It was there, with him crouched on your floor holding your arm delicately between his strong hands, that you felt like you actually knew another person. Not some front that a typical person puts on just to live in the world but knowing them deep down. You had a connection. After a while you both sat there quietly, noticing the silence was so intense you could hear your breathing, then Jared broke through it.

“You know you’ve just got to keep fighting, always keep fighting.”

You felt tears form, and slowly fall at his words, you wanted to fight because you saw that someone else could do it. You weren’t alone.

There were dark days, times when he would be the one in bed, his head heavy on his pillow and you would be the one working hard to see that brief smile flicker on his face. Other times it would be you, he would come to your place and bring you dinner, encouraging you to have one more bite.

After a while he asked you to move into his place, it was weird being so close to the set he worked on. He introduced you to his friends, his co-star Jensen. Suddenly you had friends, people who would come over just to talk even when you silenced your phone because it felt like too much. Misha would walk up to the place, jumping on bed with you and jostling you around until you would crack a smile.

After dealing with being depressed on your own for so long, it was weird, being with Jared was like having a best friend and more. There were times when you expected him to get tired of you, to blow up when you had a bad day and took it out on him without thinking, but he always talked to you always communicated. 

You were standing by the door waiting for the minute Jared was supposed to be home. Everything was all set up, you had cooked dinner and were excited to share the big news, tapping your foot nervously you waited.

As Jared opened the door, he jumped back slightly, dropping the small package he was carrying, “Woah dude, I was not expecting that.” He cocked an eyebrow at you as you stood still in front of the door.

“I’ve got some news,” you were literally bursting to tell him not even caring that he had barely walked through the door. You could see him eyeing the table, it wasn’t a romantic spread but it still wasn’t an everyday occurance, “as you know I have been working hard in therapy, and tonight marks a special anniversary.” You kept plowing on, even though his attention was divided, “it’s been a year Jared, one year since I stopped cutting.”

That did it, he turned looking at only you.

“I know,” he said as he handed you the package, it was small and wrapped in a fairly jovial flower print pattern that had you laughing as you opened it excitedly.

Underneath the childish wrapping paper, what you saw had you choking slightly, it was a tiny black velvet box. You knew what came in boxes like that. You just opened your mouth and gaped at him.

“Open it,” Jared was watching your every movement.

You complied and nestled inside was a glittering diamond ring, set in a white gold band, “what, is, happening?” You couldn’t believe this meant what you thought it did.

When he got down on one knee though you started to cry, but for the first time in your memory, they were happy tears.