#Minhee

[heestoleurgirl]

sim jaeyun 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ in which riki broke up with you, leaving you devastated and depressed. that is, until you get drunk on a night out, and somehow find yourself in his best friend's bed.

genre: angst, smut (pwp) pairing: ex's best friend!jake x fem!reader warnings: smut, MDNI!! wc: 5k

A/N: why am i writing jake smut, im not even jake biased

masterlist 𖤐.ᐟ

21 days. 21 days since your boyfriend, riki, broke up with you. everyone said it would get easier to deal with over time, and you knew they were right, but you still felt like shit every hour of every single day.

anywhere you looked, you'd just get reminded of him and have flashes of unwanted memories in your mind. it felt like absolute torture. yes, this had been your first serious relationship and you loved him so much, of course you were upset (to say the least).

the worst part was that you still saw him every now and then on campus, which only made your heart ache more. especially when he happened to be around his girl friends. you knew it was just irrational jealousy but that didn't stop you from getting nauseous at the sight.

જ⁀➴ more under the cut!

one thing was for certain: you couldn't keep going like this, you were extremely exhausted from feeling so miserable 24/7. crying all the time was getting old, and rotting in bed forever didn't seem like a good long term solution. so, you had a totally mature and genius idea that would definitely not make things worse in any way. there was a house party being hosted by someone you knew, it would be the perfect place to get drunk and forget about your ex. even if it's just for one night.

your friends had already been nagging you to go, knowing your current state and how you barely left your house unless it was absolutely necessary. they were worried for you and missed your radiant aura. minhee was convinced she'd find you a hot guy that would help you move on. yeah, you knew that wouldn't work as simple as that, it wasn't easy to simply forget someone you loved with your whole heart and dated for quite a while. but at least you could give it a try, right?

♡

fast forward to friday, you sat on the carpet in front of the body length mirror in your room, attempting to do your makeup. truth be told, it's been a while since you made yourself look so glamorous, which made it all the more difficult to get ready. every fibre of your being was screaming at you to just stay home and cry yourself to sleep while watching rom coms. but you pushed through, forcing yourself to stay on track with your plans and also not let down your friends who were there for you.

the faint sound of a honk broke you out of your thoughts, causing you to grab your belongings and waddle down the stairs in a dress that was shorter than you were comfortable with. your friend karina had gotten it for you a while ago, and you felt bad for never wearing it since then.

"looking good y/nnie!" minhee smirked and jokingly whistled as you managed to navigate yourself in to the passenger seat of her car.

all you could do was roll your eyes and playfully nudge her shoulder. "shut up"

she wiggled her brows in response before shifting gears and taking off to pick the other girls up too. you'd be lying if you said you weren't nervous about tonight, and feeling some form of regret. you could only pray and hope that riki wouldn't be there, or you'd definitely drown yourself in the pool without a second thought.

following your excited and chatty friends up the stairs felt strangely like walking towards your impending doom. you stuck close to minhee, who unsurprisingly immediately made her way to the drinks. not like you minded, because there was no way you were surviving this night without any alcohol.

the unknown mix of drinks burned your throat as you swallowed it, not really bothering to be sensible. before you knew it, you were on the dance floor with your friends, laughing and singing along to the songs blasting from the speakers. even if it was due to the alcohol, finally having a smile on your face was really refreshing. karina seemed to notice, who flashed you a grin and tugged you closer as the two of you were dancing like there was no tomorrow.

as the night went on, you gradually lost yourself to the alcohol that was now buzzing in your veins. you didn't feel like yourself at all, but in the best way possible. anyone would be able to tell that you were completely out of it by now.

you had no idea where your friends had disappeared off to, and somehow you found yourself not caring. while you were busy pushing past people with no particular destination in mind, you accidentally bumped into someone.

"woopsies, silly me!" you giggled drunkenly, looking up to see who it was. your heart did a backflip when you managed to recognize the face staring back at you.

"no worries darling." you knew that aussie accent way too well. standing right in front of you was jake, riki's best friend. honestly you were just relieved that it wasn't riki himself.

"oh, hi jake." you stumbled a bit and grabbed onto his arm for support. he merely looked down at you in amusement, finding the blush on your cheek quite cute. his eyebrow shot up subtly, eyeing the revealing dress that was definitely out of chatacter for you. despite that, you looked undeniably gorgeous like always.

jake's hand moved to your waist casually, acting as a stabilizer so you wouldn't fall over. normally, you would've felt awkward in a situation like this, but now you weren't even phased.

"you look like you've had one too many drinks, hm?" he leaned closer to speak, so you'd hear him over the loud music. your hands instinctively tightened around his arm.

"i-i'm fine..." you mumbled stubbornly, even though it was obvious you were close to collapsing right there on the spot.

"are you here alone? where are your friends?" if you were sober, you definitely wouldn't have missed the slight concern laced with his voice.

"uhmm... i dunno!" you grinned sheepishly at him, still pressed against his arm. "i think they ditched me"

you had no idea when or how you lost them, so his guess was as good as yours. "i was just about to leave anyway. can't leave a pretty thing like you drunk and alone"

before you knew it, jake was dragging you out of the party along with him. you weren't exactly sure what was going on, but even in your state you knew that you trusted him. after all, he was your ex's best friend, you'd known him for a while.

♡

jake guided you into his bedroom, sitting you down on his bed and looking down at you, as if contemplating something. now that you were actually here, in his apartment, he wasn't sure if this was the right decision. but what else could he do, leave you at the party when you were completely shitfaced? absolutely not.

he kneeled down in front of you and carefully took one of your legs in his hand, removing your heel with the upmost precision. the other one was discarded too, letting your feet feel relieved from being squished together all night.

you were quiet now, past your drunken giggling and just zoning out, having no clue where you were. he almost laughed at the sight. he'd never seen you so vulnerable and adorable.

"stay here, i'll bring you some water" he stood up and disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes. true to his words, he returned with the water in one hand, and a pill in the other.

you watched with glossy eyes as he sat down next to you and gently guided the glass to your lips. you obeyed, feeling refreshed by the cold liquid. he gave you the pill next, urging you to swallow it. "this will make your headache more bearable tomorrow"

a quiet hum left your lips as you followed his instructions, then set the glass aside on his nightstand. your movements were still uncoordinated and messy, making him chuckle.

"you tired, pretty?" jake examined your droopy eyes, you looked so cute he had to hold himself back from smothering you in affection.

the first time jake saw you, he had felt starstruck. if he could go back in time, he definitely wouldn't have fumbled you so bad. he was a coward, he waited too long and suddenly you were dating his best friend. despite all his attempts to get rid of his attraction towards you, nothing seemed to work in his favour. you were quite literally the only girl he couldn't have, and ironically enough also the only one he wanted. but of course, he was respectful of your relationship with riki and was good at hiding his feelings towards you, he'd never let his jealousy be the reason he fell out with his best friend.

so here you were, sitting in his bed, drunk off your ass and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out why you'd drink so much. he wasn't sure how riki would react if he knew the situation he was in right now. he chose to push that thought aside and focus on you.

when you didn't answer his question, he spoke again, "you can sleep in my clothes, yeah?"

you nodded and stood up, letting him help you make your way to the bathroom. As he was closing the door, he added one more thing. "if you need any help, just shout for me."

it was quite difficult to get your dress off, but you managed somehow. all your limbs felt weak and heavy, and you were still disoriented, though you were able to change without falling over or breaking anything. jake's shirt swallowed your small frame comfortably, and you smiled faintly at the smell of his cologne lingering on the fabric. your mind was a jumbled mess of feelings as you returned, seeing him scrolling his phone, also in a more comfortable set of clothes.

he looked up and smirked at you, his eyes shamelessly travelling down your body as he took in the sight of you. to him, you'd never looked hotter. the combination of your messy hair and his shirt stopping by your mid-thighs was enough to make his head spin. he had to remind himself that you were drunk, and no matter how badly he wanted you he couldn't take advantage of you in this state.

seeing him pat a spot on the bed, you didn't need much convincing to climb under the covers and rest your head on a pillow. once again, you were welcomed with his scent, causing you to feel strangely comforted.

jake stood up and gave you one last look, making sure you were laid on your side so you wouldn't accidentally hurt yourself by choking on your tongue.

"where are you going?" you asked tiredly, opening your eyes to see him by the door of his bedroom.

"i'm sleeping on the couch." he raised a brow, surprised to see you sit up in the bed after just getting comfortable. your next words made him wonder if he was hallucinating.

"come back, i don't want to be alone"

your quiet, pleading voice was simply impossible to resist. how could he say no, when you were looking at him with literal puppy eyes? he sighed, and following a moment of hesitation he climbed into bed next to you. it's not like he didn't want to sleep next to you, god he would give anything to experience this. but he wasn't sure how long he could control himself when you were in his bed, looking like an angel.

for a few minutes, the room was filled with heavy silence as the two of you simply stared at each other. you admired his face, the dim lighting only adding to the tension slowly filling the air. you'd never really noticed just how pretty he was before. his round, brown eyes seemed so welcoming.

"jake..." you almost whispered his name, with nothing specific in mind. you just wanted to end the silence between you, it felt too tense.

"hm?" his eyes never left yours, studying your face as if you were the most interesting thing in the world. the longer you looked at him, the more your heart seemed to race.

"i... i don't know"

"what's wrong?" jake studied your glossy eyes, wondering why you were suddenly acting so emotional. his heart clenched at the sight of you nearly crying. he longed to pull you close and kiss you until you were smiling again.

"i don't know, i just..." you struggled to find words to express how you felt, especially with the alcohol still lingering in your system. there was so much you wanted to say, but you knew better than to break down in his bed when he'd been kind enough to bring you home with him safely. "...i don't wanna be alone. i hate the silence, i hate feeling everything and nothing at the same time i-"

suddenly you felt his finger wiping a stray tear from your cheek, one you haven't even noticed falling. there it was, that familiar heavy feeling in your heart. the one you were so sick of feeling, all you wanted was for it to go away.

you didn't really think before scooting over and hugging jake's larger frame. your face was buried in his neck, a good way to hide your tears as well as your embarrassment. his warmth felt intoxicating and you clutched his shirt like you were afraid he'd disappear.

jake didn't hesitate to welcome your hug and return it, he was more than happy to be your shoulder to cry on. seeing you in such a state made him realize just how emotionally drained you'd been since the breakup happened, he silently cursed riki for not taking care of you properly.

you felt like this was the first time someone had properly hugged you in weeks, which didn't help the overflowing emotions you were already experiencing. you clinged to him as if he was your lifeline, your only hope. there was no way you could explain the way his entire presence and embrace was more comforting than anything you'd felt in a while.

maybe you were delusional, but being in his arms like this made you feel all the more attracted to him. letting your guard down was something you rarely ever did, even with your most trusted friends. yet here you were, silently crying in jake's bed and confessing how lonely you felt as of late. it felt so intimate to be vulnerable around him.

"it's okay, you're not alone. i'm here, yeah?" he murmured against your hair, rubbing your back gently in an attempt to calm you down. if he wasn't paying attention, he would've missed the subtle nod of your head.

"i'm sorry. please don't leave." you whispered, sliding your hands under his shirt to feel the bare skin of his back that was practically radiating heat.

your touch caught him off guard and he almost hissed at the contact, his arms tightened around your waist. "i'm not going anywhere darling, and you have nothing to be sorry for. you've been through a lot and you just need some love"

yeah, you did need love. you felt guilty, a part of you still yearned for it to be riki who gave you the love you wanted so badly. but he was gone now, no matter how much you cried over it the past won't change. the more rational part of your brain was constantly urging you to move on and accept the fact that riki doesn't love you anymore. you swore the mixed emotions were going to drive you insane, if they haven't already.

but right now, even if it wasn't what you wanted, jake was what you needed. if only you knew the true extent of how much he cared for you.

jake's hands paused against your back when he felt the soft press of your lips against his neck. it surprised him so much that he couldn't help but wonder if he was imagining things. but no, he felt it yet again. "fuck, angel... don't do that" he struggled to speak properly.

"why not?" you pulled away a bit to examine his face, searching for signs of any discomfort, or maybe disgust. you just wanted to shower him in affection to show him how grateful you felt to be here with him right now. to be able to sleep in his bed and cry in his arms to your heart's extent.

he wasn't sure how to explain the reason he didn't want you to kiss him right now, and you were completely oblivious to his internal struggle.

"you're still tipsy, and emotional..." jake brushed a strand of hair away from your cheek, "i'm not going to take advantage of your state." he was being so sweet to you, it was almost annoying. yes, you were still not entirely sober but you couldn't deny the overwhelming urge to be... close to him.

so instead of replying, you leaned closer and pecked his cheek, causing jake to groan aloud. how could he possibly restrain himself when the girl he was whipped for was acting like this? he cupped your jaw with one hand and pulled your face closer, placing his lips onto yours with one swift motion.

your eyes fluttered shut and you kissed back as if you had done this a million times before. it felt so natural, and you were becoming lightheaded from how perfectly your lips felt against each other. previously you'd been worried that kissing someone would feel wrong, and you thought you'd imagine you were kissing riki instead, but right now there wasn't a single thought about him in your mind. all you could focus on was how good it was.

jake felt like he was losing his mind more every second he continued to kiss you. he didn't care how needy he might be coming off, cause fuck he'd wanted to this for months. never in a million years did he anticipate it would actually happen, in this context no less.

the kiss grew more heated as you moved your hands from his back to feel up his defined abs, relishing how supple and warm his skin was. at the same time, jake had a hand cupping your cheek, while the other one slid down to your waist, dipping under the shirt you were wearing. the feeling of your bare skin under his fingertips was absolutely euphoric. safe to say, neither of you were thinking about how right or wrong this might be at the moment. all your thoughts were out the window and you were entirely immersed in his company.

he didn't hesitate for a second when he realized you were tugging at the hem of his shirt, silently demanding its removal. the t-shirt was tossed aside, landing somewhere on the floor of his bedroom. your eyes widened as you were met with the sight of his bare upper body, you had to hold yourself back from practically drooling at the view. jake noticed your lustful gaze and couldn't help but smirk to himself. he pulled you closer and kissed you briefly before whispering in your ear lowly, "your turn."

he didn't leave you time to respond, tugging your shirt over your head. the action made you blush a bit, but you lifted your arms to help him remove the item of clothing. faint goosebumps littered your skin due to the sudden loss of heat, mixed with the tension in the air.

your hands landed on his chest, you took a moment to look into his eyes before inching closer and placing your lips on his for the nth time. the passion was halted for a moment, leaving room for the kiss to be more timid and soft. it didn't last for long though, soon enough it turned needy once again.

jake sat up without warning and pulled you into his lap snugly by your waist. your legs landed on either side of his thighs as you made yourself comfortable and wrapped your arms around his neck. his half lidded eyes and lazy grin made your heart skip a beat. for a second you felt stunned, an overwhelming sense of need filled you. he didn't miss the way your gaze travelled down his bare body once again, it sent a strange kind of satisfaction through him.

his lips found their way down from your jaw to your neck, peppering it with soft kisses. a quiet groan left his throat as you thread your fingers through his dark brown hair. the playful kisses turned into gentle nips and bites, jake couldn't resist leaving a few pretty marks along your porcelain skin.

your hushed gasp was a contrast to the mostly quiet atmosphere as his hands had somehow ended up squeezing your backside. the action caused you to arch your back instinctively, making you grind against him.

"fuck." he whispered, gently guiding your hips in his lap. the slight friction was intoxicating.

"jake..." his name left your mouth in a quiet whisper as you leaned your forehead on his shoulder, letting your urges get the best of you.

"i know, baby" his hands slid lower to caress your inner thighs tenderly. he tried not to moan as his hips pushed upward involuntary, amplifying the friction between you, while his boxers were becoming increasingly tight as his arousal strained against the fabric.

your lips found his once more, you were getting more desperate by the second and your mind was consumed purely with need for him. the material of his sweatpants felt soft under your fingers as you tugged subtly.

jake's breath hitched and his resolve crumbled almost immediately. he was a gone man, there was no going back now. breaking the kiss and muttering a quiet curse, he shoved his sweats and boxers down his hips in one swift motion. the rest was kicked off carelessly, leaving him completely bare under you. his hard length stood heavy against his stomach, flushed and leaking.

the sight made you want to faint on the spot, you had been so caught up chasing your lust and now it all felt real. you were still hovering on your knees, having lifted your hips to let him remove his remaining clothes.

but jake didn't plan on waiting around while you admired his erection, in a quick motion he flipped you over, pushing you against the pillows as he hovered above you. the view he had right now was almost enough to make him cum on the spot: you laid beneath him, sprawled out with messy hair and slightly swollen lips. not to mention some red marks he's left on your neck earlier (they definitely weren't the last either).

"you're so gorgeous, it's unfair."

before you knew it, he was kissing your shoulder, distracting you from the way his hand slid under your lacy panties. the gasp that left your lips was enough to let him know that you were surprised to feel his finger trail along your folds. god you were so wet he groaned out loud, opting to suck on your neck to keep himself quiet.

your arms darted to wrap around his neck once more as you felt him slide a finger into you. a broken moan left your lips, you bucked your hips into his hand, wanting to feel more of him.

"fuck, pretty, you're soaked" he murmured, his voice somewhat strained as he held himself back from shoving himself in fully and fucking you until you passed out.

"jake-" you couldn't speak properly even if you tried, especially not when another finger was pushed into you with ease. it was completely out of your control how your walls clenched around his diligently working fingers. "please..."

he could tell you were growing impatient and he knew exactly what you were asking for. as much as he longed to tease you and make you squirm under him as much as possible, his own arousal was consuming him whole.

after a few more pumps of his fingers, he pulled them out, earning a quiet whimper from you. he couldn't hold back a smirk, there was nothing that turned him on more than seeing you all desperate and needy for him, like you'd die if he didn't fill you up immediately. jake was pretty sure he'd never been as hard as he was right now in his entire life.

your panties were practically ripped off, not that you minded because that was the least of your concerns at the moment. you were completely focused on how jake grabbed your thighs and nudged them apart to position himself at your entrance.

he rubbed his tip against your aching clit, coating himself in your wetness and teasing you at the same time. "is this what you need doll? want me to fill you up?" he asked, his voice was low and laced with desire even with the obvious rhetorical question. he nudged inside, not giving you the full length yet as he moved his hands all over your body.

"yes! please jake, i need you" you whined shamelessly in response, tugging him closer with your hands on his back. there was no room for embarrassment, especially when you knew how much he was getting off from your begging.

he grunted in satisfaction at your response, pushing inside slowly until his hips pressed against yours. your gummy walls were tight and inviting, sucking him in with no effort. if jake thought he was close to losing it completely earlier, he was not ready for this moment. his entire body was tingling, senses heightened yet his brain completely gone, unable to form coherent thoughts.

"so good for me, i knew you could take it" he soothed your faint whimpers with a kiss on your forehead.

your eyes were glossy from the immense pleasure you felt with him just being buried to the hilt. the stretch was perfect, he filled you up perfectly without causing any pain.

after a moment of panting and moans, jake started to rock his hips, thrusting into you slowly. he wasn't sure how long he'd last with you being so perfect for him in every way.

"holy fuck..." he closed his eyes for a moment, desperate to keep himself together in favour of your pleasure and comfort. your soft moans and gasps didn't help his case one bit.

you couldn't stay quiet even if you tried, he was bringing you so much euphoria you swore you would explode. your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as he sped up his movements, pushing as deep as possible. "fuck, jake..."

"so vocal for me" he hummed against your ear, his breath tickling your skin and giving you goosebumps yet again, only heightening the growing pleasure. as he continued to thrust into you, his hand left your waist to grap one or your hands and hold it down against the mattress, fingers intertwining naturally.

a sudden pain shot through his body in result of your nails digging into the skin of his back, altering between scratching and holding on. but the feeling only turned him on more, urging him to pound into you even faster.

"you're doing so well angel, shit" jake knew he wouldn't last much longer, so he was very relieved to feel you squirm and clench around his dick.

"it's so much..." you muttered between moans, your senses were flooded and overwhelmed by now. you swore you could see stars every time you felt his tip push against your cervix, his movements were painfully precise. "i'm close, jake"

you calling his name out so sweetly was music to his ears. he kissed your cheek and spoke in a strained voice yet again, "me too, you gonna come for me princess? hm?"

it was a miracle that you even lasted this long, your adamant nods were only seconds prior to you clamping down on him hard. a mix of a moan and grunt was heard from jake as he let go of your hand to wrap his arms around your waist instead.

with a few more sloppy thrusts, his climax was just behind yours. his hair was tugged and you squeezed your legs tightly as his hips jerked. you were filled up by ropes of his thick seed, making your eyes roll back from the pleasure completely and moan his name like a prayer.

both your bodies were moulded against each other, only disrupted occasionally with your light squirms. jake stroked your hair gently, holding onto you like he was afraid you would disappear. after a few peaceful moments, he carefully pulled out and grabbed a clean tissue to help you clean up.

once you were both under the cover again, he didn't waste any time to pull you against his chest. "i'm here, i won't leave." he whispered sweet reassurances to you, caressing any part of you he could reach. you practically melted into his arms completely, his presence was beyond comforting for your exhausted self.

you muttered against his warm skin quietly, "thank you"

"for what?" he smiled sweetly, even though you couldn't see his face. here you were, thanking him when you had been the one to give him the best experience he could ever ask for.

"taking care of me."

"i would never neglect my baby."

his words were enough to paint a soft smile onto your tired face. it didn't take long for you to drift into a peaceful sleep, especially when you were cuddled up to him so snugly. jake's heart swelled at how cute you looked in his arms. he couldn't ask for more, all he'd wanted was to take care of you and he finally got the chance, he wasn't going to hesitate or be a coward with you ever again.

a/n: so. i just wanted to try out writing smut but this is gonna be my first and last time because WTFF IS THIS LMAO

i'm sticking to smaus i can't write for the life of me

songs for this fic:

tags:@vivimura@s1rawb3rry@who-tf-soddhi@laurradoesloveu@p1hbrook@hoonielvv@nodoubtily@enhamonsterghoul@heebambilee@en-chantedtomeetyou@hsbae@jellyluv4eva@vivissection@beigerin@jwywife@elairah@heekilrvs@jayjw16enxp@lakoya@ijustreallylike2read@annovaz@strawberrynull@abbyeey@celestiai0@enhalxvr@llearlert@raizennloll@rizzmura@sabriochee@sol3chu@fluveriiez@kitty-won07@sucrosxi@kukkurookkoo@mimisxs@darquette@hhyvsstuff@lovelydeliciousfestival@luciathcv@bigwforjay@pshfan0812@lov4hoon@jaerisdiction@kireiinahana@abzyissupersleepy@madslove-enhypen@b3tt7boop@dodot04lover@ki2rins@sugarikiz ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

[alfaire]

ㅤㅤ◌⃝ ༺ 🌆 📿 ₊ ﾟ✼ㅤㅤ Eyes Without a Face

[nogenre]

🍭⁺₊✧ ݁ ˖.°.🩷

[evnne]

SERIM and MINHEE for ELLE OCTOBER

[nanaooyoo]

cravity ot9 scenario

request for: @nctloverkpop. I switched up the themeing a bit but we came to an agreement about cravity scenarios wherein the boys help you get through a tough time. I had a lot of fun writing these and hope you and any one who sees this likes it and maybe feels comforted by it (sorry it took so long). Anyways enjoy ✨

warnings/headsup: discussions of mental health • no specific disorders named • depression • anxiety • woobin’s includes a very bloody lip • mentions of food • arguable depictions of self harm • hurt/comfort • 1.2k words average • 10.6k words total • gender neutral reader • angst if you squint • fluff • lightly proofread

couple scenarios: members x reader pt.I/I

Serim

      Serim sat at the edge of the bed. He watched as you paced back and forth across the multicolored rug you had picked out just a few weeks ago. You shook out your wrists and loosened your fingers as Serim slowly raised and lowered his arms trying his best to redirect your breathing.

      “In… and out… in… and out…” he tried his best to demonstrate and jog your memory on the techniques people had previously taught you. Today it was just taking a particularly long while. 

      “What’s the point! It’s not working!” You whined, continuing to pace the floor. 

      “It’ll work eventually, you just have to be patient.” Serim said. 

      “I don’t want eventually, I want now!” You mumbled to yourself, now stomping your feet on the carpet. “This sucks!” You moaned collapsing to the floor and rapidly chewing at your nails. 

      “It may suck but it’s totally normal.” Serim said “things are really hard on you right now, it makes sense to feel freaked out.”

      You groaned and clawed at your hair. Serim’s ability to remain calm in almost any situation where you felt like you were losing your goddamn mind was somehow both comforting and infuriating. “Oh. My. God.” You muttered angrily under your breath. You could feel the tension in your bones. It travelled through you and settled amidst each of your joints making you feel like a poorly made and fractured wooden doll. You felt internally rusted like the bumper on an old car. “You’re driving me insane.” You whispered under your breath as quietly as you could.

      “I heard that y’a know.”

      You looked up from your crouched over position on the floor to see Serim standing up from the bed and coming over to crouch down next to you. His refusal and near inability to ever get mad at you was something that made you truly love him. It was one of the many reasons you had asked him to move in with you and pick new furniture, and appliances, and rugs, and so so so much more… but it was also something unfamiliar. You weren’t used to someone being so unbothered by all of your moods. You weren’t used to him not batting an eye when your whole body locked up. You weren’t used to someone immediately trying to take action and not running in the other direction when your ploys for stress relief became self-destructive. You weren’t used to Serim.

      However you had to start getting used to him quickly, because he had already settled in with most of his stuff. You looked at him as he looked back at you, not a trace of animosity in his eyes. Serim simply waddled over to you, hunched over in the same position. With one hand lazily strewn across his knees and the other slowly patting your head. “Are you sure you don’t want to try the breathing again, and I mean actually try this time.” He looked at you expectantly waiting for some kind of response. Like two frogs squatting on a lily pad you two both sat there in silence for a moment. A very long moment. 

      You let out a long exasperated sigh and conceded “I’ll try the breathing exercises… again”.

      He didn’t do a very good job of hiding it but Serim did his best to conceal the fact that he was beaming on the inside.

      Later that night, the two of you had to sit down and have a long conversation about what it would be like living together. “As much as I love you and I want to be the one to take care of you, you know I can’t always be the one to remind you of what to do when you feel like you’re going to a dark place…” He said “Obviously I’m still going to be there for you… I just worry about what might happen when I’m gone for work or something” He confessed.

      “I know… and I don’t want you to worry about me. I just feel like I’ve been dealing with a lot lately and I’ve been taking it out on you.” Your voice was low and meek and you looked down while saying it. “I feel like I’m self sabotaging in more ways than one.” You admitted.

      “Well there’s nothing you could really do to sabotage our relationship.” Serim said earnestly reaching out a hand to grab yours and placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. “I just like you too much” he chuckled.

      It took a couple hours to get you to feel calm again. Serim had to pull your hands away from your mouth to stop you from chewing your nails down to minute nubs more times than he could count, but his ardent love for you would have him standing around and trying his best to keep your wits about you forever and ever. 

      No matter how many breakdowns, or meltdowns, or freakouts he had witnessed it wasn’t enough to deter him from you because Serim knew that you would do the same for him. Despite your near constant refusal to take care of your own mental health, he had experienced all the times you had looked out for his. The many times you put his needs above your own made any attempt on your part to try and scare him away totally futile. 

      Serim watched as you steadied your breathing, before taking out some of your frustration on all the cardboard boxes that needed to be broken down and taken to the recycling bin. Whenever it seemed like your blood pressure would begin to rise again Serim would simply give you a comforting hug from behind, resting his head between your neck and shoulders, humming softly; his aura just had a way of rubbing off on you. Did that mean that this would be the last time the two of you would ever have to have these sorts of conversations on these sorts of days? Absolutely not. But that din’t mean you couldn’t look forward to having them together…

Allen

You had run out of tears long ago but that didn’t stop you from sniffling through belabored breaths as you laid on the couch. Of course Allen stuck close behind. One arm wrapped around your waist and the other propping up his head to get a better view of the TV. 

      It didn’t take him long to realize you weren’t really crying at the cheesy movie splayed across the television screen. You were more wrapped up with something else. You swore it was nothing, and to you, that may have really been true! Sometimes you got emotional or overstimulated for reasons you couldn’t really understand, even if your boyfriend knew that there probably was some underlying specific reason. The reason didn’t always matter, what mattered was how you felt in the moment, and right now you felt… well neither of you were quite sure how to feel?

      “What’s wrong?” Allen whispered into your ear as he pulled you just a tiny bit closer. 

      “I really don’t know…” you said. You had been crying for so long that even if there was a reason for it in the first place you had forgotten it by now. 

      Allen snuggled closer to you as you did the same. Melting into his embrace and struggling to trace back the reason for your sadness, you still found it cathartic to let your emotions take over once in a blue moon. 

      Like a wave it washed over you at times though. You often had trouble experiencing your emotions but your emotions sure as hell had no trouble experiencing you. They had a way of taking you over that made it nearly impossible to focus on anything else while also making it incredibly difficult to pinpoint the triggers in the first place. 

      No matter what though, Allen always had a way of bringing you back to Earth. His calm and gentle demeanor, and carefree attitude made it so that you could always be yourself around him. Even if that self you needed to be wasn’t very pretty at times, he was always there taking notes and remembering things on how to help you better cope with your feelings the next time, and the next time…

      Sometimes your big heart and structureless brain hindered you, sometimes they made life harder. But sometimes those things brought you to people like Allen.

      The first time you ever cried in front of him felt mortifying! You were a complete blubbering mess and yet he still wanted to go out with you.

      “Everybody cries” he had told you, no sense of irony in his voice.

      “Yeah but I cry like… a lot” you responded.

      All he did was shrug. 

      Now here you two were, almost a year later and you were still a self prescribed crybaby. Though, Allen didn’t like it when you called your self that, he found it demeaning and reductive but he also could acknowledge that you did cry! A lot! Not that it made him like you any less it just made him want to look after for you extra hard. 

      Allen lightly patted your stomach in a delicate rhythm making sure to not pull too much attention to the ways in which he was trying to comfort you. Of course he was letting you cry (or at least try to) for as long as you needed and he hummed softly in time with his small taps, subtly helping you focus on something other than whatever thoughts were running around up in your head. He really was helping, you just didn’t realize it. He was so good at helping without you realizing in fact, that it took him a good amount of time to notice that you weren’t awake anymore. 

      “Hey do you want to maybe watch something else?” He asked no longer hearing sniffling and wondering if that would make you want to move on the something more cheerful. “Or do you want to… cry some more?” He asked quietly peeking his head over yours to get a good look at your face. “So cute” he audibly cooed seeing your puffy cheeks and eyes squished against the soft fabric of the couch with your mouth slightly agape. “You poor thing.” He said to himself with more affection in his voice than any sort of pity.

      Allen did his best to unlatch his arm from under you and move his legs that had found themselves intertwined with yours. He carefully wormed his way off of the couch and onto the carpet as quietly as possible. He reached an arm out to place it under your head and support your neck before pausing when you started fidgeting around again.

      You always were prone to talking in your sleep. “Allen…” you muttered unconsciously, repeating his name a few times before flopping over fully asleep and snoring again.

      Your boyfriend did the gentlemanly thing and supported your head before scooping you up and bringing you to his room. He made sure you were extra comfortable, covering every inch of you except the very top of your head in the biggest, fluffiest blanket he could find. You pawed at the blanket pulling it closer and Allen pushed some pillows into your arms as you began surrounding the pile of softness and fabric in your tight grip. You hugged them as if it were your boyfriend, none the wiser in your asleep state. Allen gave you a small peck on the part of your forehead that was still visible and quietly tiptoed out of the room.

He made sure to check on you every once in a while and rub your back or whisper something to you softly whenever you began tossing and turning again. He was used to regularly helping you fall back asleep when you had restless nights or night terrors so this was a walk in the park for him.

      The next morning you awoke to utter darkness before clawing your way out of the cocoon Allen had made for you. The sheer white curtains in his room billowed in the morning breeze as you rolled over and noticed a small glass of water and a little pharmacy bag on the nightstand next to you. You had no idea when he had the time to slip out and get those as it was still quite early in the morning but all that crying, and tossing, and turning always gave you the most viscous headache. You wasted no time in sitting up and taking the pain medicine from the little parcel and taking a big swig of water. 

      A few minutes later the door to his room ever so slightly creaked open as Allen did his best to quietly shimmy through the doorway. “Oh you’re awake! Sorry I didn’t get breakfast or anything I assumed you’d be out for a little while longer.” 

      You stuck out your bottom lip pouting and wordlessly outstretching both of your arms signaling with your hands for him to come over. He complied, hopping up onto the bed and giving you a giant bear hug. He pulled back to look at you as more tears welled up in your eyes but these ones were more positive. You always appreciated how caring Allen was, how quickly he would move to help you without a second thought and without him, you wondered how miserable an entire nighttime of crying alone followed by a morning of throbbing headaches you had to deal with all by yourself would have been. You hugged him tightly, showing your appreciation the best you could as Allen leaned back to wipe some of the tears out of your eyes, worry fading and turning into a quiet chuckle as he realized you were now mostly okay. 

      Allen looked over at his phone “yeah we’ve still got so much of the day left, do you want to sleep more?” You nodded and hugged him tighter planting a small kiss on his neck. “Do you want me to join you?” He asked. 

      “Of course!” you chimed, voice still groggy but incredibly sincere.

Jungmo

      Jungmo sat on the couch scrolling on his phone and playing with the collar of his tie as he waited for you to get ready. He hated having to dress up just to go to stuffy places and talk to a bunch of boring people and executives all night, but he had been invited to an upscale event and was required to go. At least he didn’t have to go alone, you were always down to join him in the things he found so boring, always whispering jokes and sharing drinks together in the corner of the room. He was excited to see what you would be wearing too! That was one of the few things helping him get excited for tonight. You were taking a little longer than usual to get ready but you also had an incredibly extensive closet and the biggest collection of accessories he had ever seen so he didn’t want to rush you. I mean, he didn’t want to rush you, but you guys were cutting it close if you took too much longer. “Y/N you almost done?” He asked walking over to the bathroom where you were supposed to be finishing up. “We can have like ten or fifteen more minutes but then we should probably g- Oh! You’re already ready!” He said barging into the bathroom and looking at you as your palms were placed flat on the counter and you stared into the mirror. “Wait, let me take a picture first, you look great!” He said excitedly. 

      You placed your hand over his phone and gently pushed it down. You shook your head and sighed. “No I don’t…” you trailed off.

      Jungmo looked baffled. “What do you mean? You look amazing!” He said standing a little closer.

      “Well I don’t feel amazing.” You retorted.

      Jungmo took a second to take you in. He looked you up and down and then cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. “Why not?” He asked. “I think you look incredible!” 

      You bowed your head and let out an exasperated groan. “Something’s just off… I just don’t look right.”

      To him you looked breathtaking! Gorgeous enough to make him forget you two were supposed to be somewhere else in a few minutes time. “What’s off?”

      “Just like… all of it!” A sad expression plastering your face. You rolled your eyes a bit every time you caught a glimpse of your own reflection in the bathroom mirror and huffed in annoyance at a problem you felt like couldn’t be fixed. “I can’t let anyone see me like this…” you said.

      “I see you like this-“ Jungmo replied “and I like what I see.” He smiled.

      “Yeah but your opinion doesn’t count you would have said that no matter what.”

      “My opinion should be the only one that counts!” He said “Especially when you’re being way too hard on yourself.” Jungmo rubbed small circles onto your back in an attempt to encourage you. “Where’s all this coming from? Do I not tell you how good you look enough?”

      “You tell me plenty!” You scoffed “it’s just something about this outfit, something about-“

      “Then we’ll change the outfit. You’ve got plenty of stuff in your closet you barely ever get to wear!” Jungmo grabbed your hand but you stood still as a statue stopping him from dragging you away.

      “That’s easy for you to say… you look great in everything.” You looked down at the floor.

Jungmo pouted. “The only reason I look good in everything is because you pick out all my clothes. I’d look a mess without you” he laughed.

      You nodded your head in acknowledgment but still you weren’t fully convinced “maybe you should just go without me.” 

      “Go without you, are you crazy?” Jungmo furrowed his brows in complete shock. “When could I ever- how could I ever go to one of these boring corporate events without you?” He boomed. “I’m your boyfriend! Either we’re both going or neither of us are going!” He said unusually sternly for his laid back nature. “It’s up to you whether you want to stay or you want to go but either way I’m doing it with you!” He said. “And if this is all just over one outfit that’s an easy fix. We can be late, let’s go pick something else out.”

      “Jungmo… I want to go with you I really do, but I just don’t want to drag you down…”

      “You have got to stop saying stuff like this” he said. “You look great! You always look great! Even if you’re not feeling great I promise you no one in the world can tell but you… and maybe me on a good day.” He joked. 

      “You really don’t think I look awful?” You asked genuinely worried.

      “It’s be impossible for you of all people to look awful.” 

      You sighed taking one more look back at yourself in the mirror. You still didn’t think you looked quite right and even just thinking of your reflection made you feel queasy, but if Jungmo thought you looked good then maybe you really did. You still wanted to change clothes though. The fabric all of a sudden felt constricting on your skin, it felt like a million tiny mites were crawling all over you. “Okay I’ll go change.” You said patting Jungmo’s chest and exiting the bathroom. He followed you out and to your bedroom where you began rifling through your closet looking for something else to wear that still matched your boyfriend and felt appropriate for the event. He stood there watching you for a moment.

      “Do you need any help?” He asked.

      “No, no I can do this myself. It’s more of a mental thing anyways, I won’t take too long”. You looked back for a second as Jungmo was still standing there watching you. “Can you go wait for me in the living room?” He didn’t budge.“Jungmo! Go wait outside.”

      He looked surprised “Oh you’re serious.

      “Yes I’m serious, I’m feeling kind of self conscious right now…” you said in earnest.

      “Why though, it’s nothing I haven’t seen befo- Ouch that hurt!” Jungmo said taking a wadded up dress shirt to the face. “Okay fine I’ll wait for you in the living room” he said trudging off and rubbing his eye in slight irritation. 

      A few minutes later you reappeared into the common area of the apartment dressed in all new clothes. Jungmo smiled and clutched his phone once more. “Better?” He asked.

      “Better!” you said.

      “Now can we take a picture?” His eyes gleamed with hope as he swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet. 

      You hesitated for a moment. “Yeah sure, why not.” 

      Jungmo quickly grabbed your hand and raised his phone up to snap a few selfies of him kissing you on the cheek before you both rushed out the door. He still made sure to keep a tight clasp on your hand however. He also made sure to check in every so often as to how you were feeling. Most importantly, he made sure to keep reminding you of how good you looked all night. Even if you didn’t see it, even if you didn’t believe, even if your mind tried to convince you otherwise, Jungmo made sure to always be there as a ‘pick me up’ to make sure you were reminded of the reality right in front of you. The reality of having a partner that saw you for who you really were and would never falter when it came to reminding you of that.

Woobin

      You placed your hand on the arm rest of the passenger’s seat and tapped your fingers in quick and nervous succession as Woobin held your other hand and started up the car. He whistled along to the radio and swayed his head to whatever ‘summery’ ballad was currently playing and set up the navigation app on his phone in blissful ignorance.

      Since the weather had finally started warming up a mutual friend had invited the two of you over for a big get together. Though it was a relatively casual engagement, you still felt that all too familiar sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. The feeling you got every time you were about to ride a roller coaster, give a presentation, get lost on a hike, or in cases like these; go somewhere with a whole lot of people. You pulled at and fidgeted with the hem of your pants, letting go of the arm rest and aimlessly searching for some sort of cord or loose thread to pull on. You swallowed harshly feeling a lump form in your throat as Woobin absentmindedly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles with his free hand as he began to drive. 

      You could feel your heart rate rise as your body temperature did the same before quickly dropping again and again. You could’ve sworn you were sweating but turning on the A/C in the car felt like way too much. Your hands started to feel clammy as you looked over at Woobin who quickly glanced over to give you a warm smile before focusing his attention back on the road. His general sense of calm and the beautiful weather should have been enough to calm you down but it wasn’t really working. All you could focus on was the noise of tires scraping the road, the blaring music, the sunlight that was shining directly into your eyes, and how warm you felt. Or were you cold? You couldn’t really tell but what you knew for sure was that you did not feel good. 

      You almost started to feel nauseous as the car grazed over a tiny pot hole and your vision began to fog over a bit. You felt dizzy like you needed to sit down, but restless like you needed to just stand up and run all at the same time. You wanted to say something, and every time you looked over at Woobin you were almost compelled to, but for some reason or another the words just couldn’t escape your mouth.

      “Are you okay?” Woobin’s voice rang out a little delayed in your ears but eventually registering properly. 

      You felt sick, you felt like garbage, you felt terrible! So of course you replied quickly “yeah I’m doing fine, I’m excited!” You said practically through gritted teeth, a cheesy grin plastered on your face. Why you lied? You had no clear idea. What you did know was that lying to him made you feel worse. 

      You chewed at your lip furiously as you often did when feeling anxious. You let out fast paced yet silent breath out through your nose and tried your hardest not to tap your feet in frustration. Your lips felt near swollen but you couldn’t stop biting. You bit, and bit, and bit until all you could taste was the metallic tasting saliva pooling on the tip of your tongue. Before you knew it, you were looking down as small red droplets dripped from the bottom corner of your lip and into the creases amongst woven denim of your pants “shit” you muttered to yourself. You just sat there and watched for a moment in a silent daze before speaking up. “Uh Binnie can we stop the car?” 

      “Yeah sure. Why?” He replied quickly adjusting his turn signal and pulling over into the farthest possible lane without hesitation. 

      As soon as the car stopped you turned to make awkward eye contact with your partner as he gazed in worry at the beet red complexion of your lips. “What happened?” Woobin scrambled to grab some tissues out of the glove compartment and wipe at your face. “When did you start bleeding? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” He said eyes darting around looking for a cotton ball, or bandage, or anything of the sort. “Your jeans…” he said softly but still continued his frantic search.  

      “I think I’m gonna pass out.” you uttered plainly, stopping your partner in his tracks. You watched his dark brown eyes widen like saucers and then fill themselves with a new sense of determination!

      Before you knew it you were sitting on a curb by the side of the rode near some random convenience store. Woobin returned shortly thereafter with a cold bottle of water, a first aid kit, and some tissues. He wasted no time in fixing up your lip and taking some solvent from the first aid kit to wipe at the little stains on your pants. He worked diligently sitting on the curb next to you, an array of medical materials strewn about. Watching him so focused helped calm you down a little bit, but you still weren’t feeling entirely better. 

      “Are you hurt anywhere else?” He asked nervously searching every inch of visible skin he could find on you. 

      You grabbed his hands and looked him in the eyes. “Babe I’m okay now.”

      You could see the apprehension in the befuddled stare he gave you. 

      “Really, I mean it. I’m okay now!” You repeated.

      Woobin swallowed a little bit and took a moment to gauge the look in your eyes before crushing you with a hug and rubbing your back as you both sat on the ground by the car. “Alright I believe you” he said before letting go and giving you a second to catch your breath. 

      You two decided to take a moment to enjoy the fresh air before getting back into the car. It really was a beautiful day out. There was a perfect amount of breeze and just the two of you sitting together made you feel much more at ease. 

      You both enjoyed your time in the sunshine looking up at the sky and taking in the tranquil scenery. “Look at that one it kind of looks like a cuddly bear doesn’t it”. Woobin giggled pointing at a cluster of clouds arranged ever so perfectly in the shape of a bear’s head with two perfectly fluffy cheeks and round ears to match. Finally, the cars didn’t feel so loud, and the air didn’t feel so stuffy. Woobin pointed up at the sky while expertly unscrewing the cap and placing a bottle of water in your hands without you noticing.

      “Yeah it does, it looks a lot like you” you joked taking a swig of water and cooling down.

      About half an hour later the two of you had your fill of pointing out silly shapes in the clouds and had stopped back into the store to grab some well deserved treats. Re-positioning himself at the wheel, Woobin took his phone off the dashboard and slipped it into his pocket.

      “What about the party, don’t you need the directions up still?”

      “Nah… let’s just go home, you’ve had enough socializing for the day.” He said clasping your hand once more and giving you a knowing smile.

Wonjin

      “Alright… shower? Check. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Check. Room clean? Check-“

      “Do we really have to do this Wonjin”. You groaned loudly, leaning your head back over one of your dining room chairs as Wonjin sat across from you and peered at your contorted face through the top of the frames of his glasses. 

      He took a deep breath “Y/N we really do.” He said clicking his pen and running it down the different elements of a check list.

      “It feels so… silly It makes me feel like fucking kid!”

      “Well it works doesn’t it?” Wonjin said. 

      “Can’t we do something else? You know like a normal couple…”

      “We are a normal couple! We just have a system and the system works, so we have to keep doing it.” He replied not looking up from his official looking clip board.

      You sneered a little in response “Why though…”

      You and Wonjin had implemented a new process into both of your nightly routines where you would sit down and check off all of the necessary things you needed to do to function throughout any given day. Most of the things seemed intuitively simple but you and him both knew better than anyone else that one bad mood could send you into a spiral that prevented you from getting such simple things as grabbing the mail from your mailbox done once a week. If you were feeling down, you were dismal. It made it impossible for you to remember to take care of yourself when you had other things going on so Wonjin drafted up a list of some of the most basic things you needed to do each day. Things that came incredibly naturally to others but not so much to you. Wonjin made sure to get all the proper materials to make the process seem more legitimate to you. He got a special list typed up and laminated, dry erase markers for the fridge, brand new pens, a clipboard, sticky notes, and a tiny box full of trinkets and treats. You didn’t appreciate the machinations of his executive brain but that was okay, he was really proud of himself. He was especially proud with the box he had gotten. Not only would you get to reach in and grab a small reward each night but Wonjin would get one too if you completed all your tasks so that he could be more encouraged to help you. Not that he really needed any material incentive. This was something he would have done for you anyways, but making it a collaborative effort made you feel a little less alone. 

      The rewards inside the box were quite small but they were still enough to round out the rest of your night very positively. It was mostly full of stickers, charms, small bills, and little slips of paper with things like ‘have dessert a second time’ written on them. It was a crudely decorated little thing, covered in glitter glue and plastic gems with a picture from your anniversary stuck to the inside. The gifts may have been small but they still managed to brighten you up a bit even if you felt childish having to be monitored so closely. 

      You gave him a hard time about it but it really was helpful how Wonjin took the initiative in making sure you got things done. He got tired of always asking you about your day and not loving what he heard. At first you objected to the idea of a to do list being of any help to you and your mental health, but it was frustrating how well it worked. 

      Wonjin raised a single eyebrow and looked back over at you. “So I’m assuming you don’t want to pick anything from the special prize bin today?” He said.

      “It’s not a ‘special prize bin’ it’s a cheap wooden jewelry box from the craft store.” You said.

      “Well I’m gonna pick something from the special prize bin.” Wonjin made a big show of closing his eyes reaching into the box and rummaging his hand around in there for a while before pulling something out and immediately hiding it. He quickly hid his hands under the table and looked at something tucked away within his palms.  

      “What’d you get?” You asked slightly disinterested but still leaning over the table to better see what he grabbed.

      “Uh-uh, no way. You didn’t wanna pick anything” Wonjin said sticking out his tongue at you. “Not my fault you didn’t want a prize.”

      “If I pick something will you let me see what you got?” You asked.

      “I don’t know…” he said “I think you deserve a prize but if you don’t think you deserve one that’s not on me.”

      “I don’t deserve a prize for eating dinner…” you bit your lip and looked down. 

      “Of course you do! But I’m still not showing you what I got until you pick something…”

      “Fine.” You said reaching for the box. Wonjin excitedly cracked it open for you just enough to reach your hand in and mull around for something that felt… right. You dug around for a bit and pulled out a chunky metal heart charm. “Cute enough.” You said to yourself. “Now what did you get Wonjinnie?”

      Wonjin pouted and furrowed his brows. “Wait no I want to trade, you’ll like mine more anyways!” He said trying to grab the charm from you before you pulled your arms away. 

      “Since when have we ever done that?”

      “Since now!” He said brows still fervently knitted together. Wonjin placed a little gachapon figurine on the table and offered it to you. You weren’t exactly sure who or what it was, but you did recognize that it was a character from one of his favorite comics.

      “Why would I want something that was so clearly meant for you” you asked. “All I got was some like.. brecelet charm?”

      “Just because.” Wonjin said, and you noticed his face redden a bit. 

      “Okay, okay fine…” You said and handed over the charm. The figure was pretty cute anyways and it reminded you of your boyfriend, so it wasn’t a big deal.

      Wonjin would never admit why he was feeling so shy but he was glad you had just dismissed your prize and traded with him. If your eyes had been a little keener you might have noticed the small latch on the ‘charm’ you had picked out and realized it was actually a locket. Inside was a small picture of you as a kid smiling big, holding some sort of old stufffed animal. You hated looking at your childhood pictures for some reason, maybe because it brought back unpleasant memories, or maybe because it reminded you of a time in your life when you didn’t need a list to keep your mental stability in check, but Wonjin loved those pictures all the same. No matter how goofy you looked he loved them because he loved you and a little locket was the perfect gift to get him ready to do this all over again tomorrow. Even if you whined and complained, you just being here to complain, alive and well was what he really needed…

Minhee

      Chores were always a thing that calmed you down, and as much as he might’ve hated doing them… Minhee loved you more.

      You hadn’t spoken a word to each other in hours. You were diligently refolding and reorganizing each and every single article of clothing in your dresser drawers and closet. Why you had to be doing this on a beautiful Saturday afternoon he had no idea, but he was helping you anyway. 

      The weirder, more tedious, and unnecessary a chore was the bigger the issue you were currently dealing with. Sure it was a bit of a drag to be spending an hour and a half washing dishes, or in this instance multiple hours folding and ironing clothes but he preferred this to the ways you would try to divert stress when he had first met you. 

      Back then it would have been impossible for you to take breather without punishing yourself in some way but Minhee’s willingness to just tag along and do whatever you were already doing really helped you feel comfortable amidst the internal mayhem. For Minhee doing chores was a form of punishment but to you it was pure bliss.

      You would often have periods of time where you just couldn’t get words out, to anyone, no matter what they were or no matter why you wanted or needed to say to them, but as a quiet person himself, Minhee didn’t feel totally uncomfortable in the silence. He liked the way the two of you could just be together, existing in the same space simply able to enjoy each other’s company. For each of you the presence alone of the other felt so grounding.

      Minhee remembered a long time ago when you had told him that it was enough for him to just ‘be around’ and that made you feel better. It was then that his crush on you grew tenfold and he just knew he had to tell you about it. Of course he never did, he was too shy, but you guys had ended up together anyways!

      It was times like these, where he sat crosslegged in front of your tidy ironing board, creasing out only a few wrinkles on some your clothes, that he was reminded of how you truly felt about him without having to say it with words. Even when you were struggling and couldn’t find the strength to speak, the way your pinky would ever so slightly graze his when passing garments back and forth or how your eyes would shoot up and follow his every movement every time he got up to walk away.

      No matter what he would always say something along the lines of “Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere.”

      If Minhee said he’d be back in a minute, not even sixty-one seconds could pass before he would make his way back to you. It always broke his heart and simultaneously endeared him the way your puppy like eyes would wordlessly follow him around a room, or how still you’d sit upon waiting for him to come back. But he aways did come back, so you didn’t have to worry.

      Your fingers worked with an almost mathematical precision going through every t-shirt, every pair of pants, every button up, every pair of socks, everything! He never thought the time would come but eventually the two of you finished. 

      It almost startled him when you spoke for the first time in ages even though your voice was so soft and low. “Do you want me to do yours?” You asked genuinely, while placing the last piece of clothing onto a hook and shutting the closet door. 

      ‘Could you be any more adorable…’ He thought to himself. “That’s okay Y/N” He said and walked over squishing your cheeks between his palms and peppering kisses all across your face. “Do you wanna talk about why we just spent four hours reorganizing your already perfectly organized clothes?” He cocked his head to the side and looked down at you. “-And why you want to do even more…”

      You looked down in shame “I think I just want to be distracted right now. I feel like I need to be doing something… just anything…”

      Minhee understood what that meant. There were times when talking was helpful and very necessary and there were other times were those conversations needed to be put off until later. Sure it tore him up a little bit inside that you didn’t immediately feel comfortable telling him what was wrong but he also would much rather you be keeping yourself busy and enjoying his company than locking yourself away. There were times when you would be so far gone that even if he physically shook you, you couldn’t reach him. There were times when the silence wasn’t a comfortable understanding but rather, a sinister creeping energy that loomed over the both of you stopping you from being to able to experience anything in that moment. Sometimes it scared him the way your mind could so easily take you away from him, but it impressed him all the more when you could pull yourself out. He was always with you every step of the way, charging uphill to make you feel better. And if what would make you feel better right now was going through all of his laundry then that’s what the rest of this Saturday would be made to do. 

      “We can do mine… my hamper’s full of stuff anyways!” He said.

      “Thanks Minhee.” You said “Okay go get your basket, I’m already getting antsy!”

      You appreciated how easily he could flip the script and just go along with whatever you needed in that moment. “I owe you ice cream or something…” You said trying your best to sound chipper.

      Minhee trudged over with his enormous pile of laundry and gave you a playful scoff “You owe me more than just ice cream. You owe me whatever four hours worth of food is!”

      You let out a small laugh “I promise I’ll wake up early tomorrow morning and cook you something that takes at least four hours to make. You can enjoy your Sunday morning by sleeping in.”

      “Alright deal!” He said. Knowing full well that he would make himself wake up just as early as you so he could help you in the kitchen. “I’m toootally gonna enjoy sleeping in!”

Hyeongjun

You absolutely hated work! Not just work in general, but the work that you had to do specifically. Coming home from a long day at your job always left you drained. Your boss was always micromanaging, and your coworkers loved any and all types of gossip at your expense. It didn’t help that you were the youngest in the office either. It was nearly impossible to stick up for yourself without later receiving some sort of reprimand in the form of extra hours with no extra pay. Almost every weekday had you returning home absolutely exhausted. You’d slip your shoes off at the door and lazily slip your work attire off piece by piece leaving a trail of clothes on the floor before taking a nice long hot shower. After your shower, there was no guarantee you’d be energetic enough to make dinner so you’d rummage around in your fridge and just eat the first thing you saw. On particularly bad days you would immediately lay on the couch entering a state that was borderline catatonic. Some nights it felt like you only had time to lay on the couch for a minute and blink your eyes a few times. Before you knew it, the sky was a tiny bit brighter and the alarm on your phone was going off again signaling to you that it was now the start of another long day. Begrudgingly getting up and beginning to get ready was always incredibly difficult, but recently right before you walked out the door you would get a little text of encouragement every day. 

      You had only gone out on about three and a half dates (one of them was cut short due to a last minute call from your boss) but Hyeongjun was already so in tune with your schedule. It  might’ve partially been because you complained about work so much that he had just picked up on it that way, but his little digital pep-talks always had a way of putting a smile on your face. Even on the darkest of days. It’s like he sensed when a day was going to be more difficult than any of the others because his messages were always the sweetest the mornings right before you experienced hell. 

      Hyeongjun made you feel like color had re-entered the world. Life had felt so black and gray for so long and you couldn’t remember the last time you had been excited to talk to someone. He was always cheerful but not too cheerful, empathetic yet discerning, reasonable but always kind, and he had such a way with words. You didn’t think you’d ever find another person who could find the joy hidden beneath all your sadness but Hyeongjun seemed like the one.

      Even though you hated work you also hated the one break from work you got during the day. Your lunch break was usually spent sitting alone in your car for forty-five minutes staring off into space and waiting for the day to be done. Whenever you felt down you tended to lose your appetite and that had been the case the past couple of weeks. You knew you should have been hungry and you almost were, you could tell from the way your belly would growl every once in a while. However, your brain and the rest of your body just couldn’t and wouldn’t let you even stomach the thought of food. Sometimes you’d listen to the radio but other times you’d just sit there looking out the window but not really taking any of it in. Sometimes Hyeongjun would message you on your break to ask what you were eating or what you were doing to kill time and you couldn’t bring yourself to come up with a good enough lie, so you would just be honest and tell him ‘nothing’. It nearly baffled you how you could give him almost nothing, you could give him so little to work with and he could so easily keep the conversation going!

      You were sure today was going to be another one of those days. You sat at your desk entering some pointless data into a spreadsheet reminding yourself of one of the messages your crush had sent you that morning. You were already halfway through the day, you could do a few hours more right?

      Suddenly right before you were about to go on break you heard a series of little taps right above your head. You looked up to see Hyeongjun smiling widely at you, fingers gripping the top of your computer monitor. You looked around shocked for a second making sure that this was real. “What are you doing here?” You asked eyes wide. 

      “I’m here to hang out with you duh!” Hyeongjun stepped around your desk to grab your bag and sling it around his shoulder. He took your jacket off of the back of your uncomfortable office chair and held it out as if to put it on you.

      There were a few odd stares from your coworkers but they didn’t pay the two of you much mind. You stood up and let the boy happily put your jacket sleeves over your arms and give you a quick side hug. 

      Hyeongjun looked away shyly for a moment. “You seemed so bummed out over the phone yesterday I hope you don’t mind me stopping by.”

      You took a moment to think. Was it too early for things like this? Should you be more apprehensive? You felt uneasy for a moment but that feeling quickly dissipated as Hyeongjun flashed you a big toothy grin. “Of course I don’t mind” you said.

      Taking the elevator down was awkward in the same way sitting in class next to the person you liked as a kid was awkward. The butterflies in your abdomen danced and your stomach did acrobatic flips and Hyeongjun’s pinky inched closer and closer to yours before wrapping around your hand and holding it gently. He didn’t say a word but the way his lips pressed into a thin line to prevent him from smiling told you all you needed to know. You had no idea how he knew that a little bit of surprise and the slight change in routine was exactly what you needed to uplift your mood. Your outlook had been so bleak as of late and you weren’t sure who you could talk to about how you were feeling, but you were pretty sure the man holding your hand right now was a step in the right direction.

      Hyeongjun would never tell you but he had spent countless night just laying in his bed thinking about you and researching ways to help. Even if you didn’t say it out right he didn’t need to be told directly that you weren’t feeling like yourself for a very long time. You were complex and he felt like there was still a lot more of you to unpack and he planned on spending the next forty-five minutes getting you to open up to him whether you wanted to or not!

Taeyoung

     “I’m baaack!” Taeyoung shouted loudly hoping to get your attention as quickly and abruptly as possible. He thought it was sort of strange the way he didn’t immediately hear a response, but what he thought was even stranger was when he saw no tiny beam of light leaking out from underneath the bedroom door. Usually his sign that you were home was the little ray of light illuminating his feet as he approached your room but now it was just dark. Your shoes were by the door, keys hanging on the hook in the exact same way they were when he had left. Those seemed to be the only signs that you were probably even here. He went to quietly turn the doorknob tiptoeing and slinging his backpack over his shoulder to avoid the noise it made as it dragged on the hardwood floors. Maybe you were napping? It was getting dark outside but it was still only the late afternoon. Normally at this time, you were absorbed into a new book or something like that. However, upon entering the room things really were just as he had left them, you included. Curled up in the same amorphous blob, room pitch black, curtains drawn, phone plugged into the charger and resting on the nightstand. Taeyoung checked his watch to make sure the jet lag hadn’t completely screwed up his sense of time. He looked at the screen of his watch and then back at the giant mass of grey comforter on the bed. “Are you really sleeping it’s only like 4PM…” he said dropping his bag onto the now plush carpet beneath the bed and crawling up beside you. 

      He sat up on his knees and peeked over the pile of a person next to him and gently shook the covers to see if you were actually there. He could feel your form underneath the blanket but you still didn’t say anything, no release of breath, no snoring, no adorable sleepy mumbles… nothing! “Hey are you in a coma or something” he huffed playfully “you’re normally way more excited to see me!” That’s when he heard a small groan from under the covers, for a second he could have sworn it was the creak of the floorboards but now he was sure it was a noise from you. “I didn’t mean to bother you I just figured I’d come straight here since it’s been a- Oh!” 

      “Hey” you croaked out, voice hoarse and face mostly buried amid the covers. You turned over slowly to greet your boyfriend “How was the show?” You asked without the usual sense of genuine intrigue in your tone. 

      “It was… good. How’ve you been?” He said reaching over to move a bit of the comforter to ruffle your hair and pat your head. “You haven’t been like this since I left have you?” He chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling in glee and then faltering a bit as you looked away and wearily bit your dry lips. 

      “When did you leave again?”

      “You haven’t been like this since I left? Right?” a smidgen of worry entering his tone and then a currant of realization. “Y/N, really?” a mix of familiar disappointment and general unease wafted over your boyfriend as he scooted closer and sighed. “The whole time?”

      “I mean I got up to like pee once. I think…”

      “Why didn’t you call me?” Taeyoung let a harsh breath escape his nose before running a hand through his already messy black hair. “You could have at least shot me a text...” He said bleakly.

      “I didn’t wanna bother you.”

      “When could you ever even begin to bother me?”

      Your face contorted in shame and you sunk deeper into the soft fabric adorning your body. “I meant to at one point, I really did, but then I just… I don’t know-” You inhaled deeply eyes narrowing, brain struggling to focus on the task at hand, and heart struggling to connect to the conversation. 

      “You know I hate when you don’t tell me when you’re feeling bad.” He said.

      “I just knew you’d probably try and like come home or something and I didn’t really feel like getting up to grab my phone.”

      “You didn’t want me to come home?” Taeyoung’s pupils enlarged slightly as he scoffed quietly.

      “Of course I wanted you to come home! I just didn’t want you to come home early!”

      “So you just laid down here in the dark for like-” He stopped himself as he felt his emotions bubbling over. You two complemented each other in that way but it also made things difficult at times.

      You were used to keeping things bottled up inside and Taeyoung was used to forcing you to talk about those things. Taeyoung was used to getting easily worked up and frustrated over the small stuff and you were used to offering some gentle perspective. He had a more aggressive approach to pulling you out of these “slumps” and it could come off as intense but he really just had no other way of showing you how much he cared. Sometimes he didn’t really get it. Sometimes he thought it would be so much easier for you to just get up, to just open the blinds, to just call him. It drove him crazy that he couldn’t be privy to all of the intricate details of your mind. It bothered him that a person so wonderful, so kind, so funny, and interesting, and charismatic, and personable… wasn’t able to share that with everyone all the time, especially with him. More than any bother though, more than frustration, more than annoyance, or anger, or any other negative emotion, you had helped Taeyoung further cultivate his arguably most beautiful trait; his empathy. Sure he was still a little shit stirrer every now and again but at the end of the day, seeing you just as upset over something you couldn’t control, how your mind and body were at odds constantly telling you that the one person who loved you most in this world shouldn’t be bothered with your issues made him just want to help you the best he could.

      Taeyoung took a deep breath “Let’s go for a walk while the sun’s still out, how about that.” He suggested. “Also maybe shower first…”

      You wanted to object but as you mulled over your answer your boyfriend couldn’t help but reach his hands under the duvet to try and pull you out, tickling you in the process. 

      “Okay, okay!” You laughed as Taeyoung giggled and continued to try and pull you out. “I can get up myself jeez…” You still weren’t feeling your best but the hopeful look on the man beside you’s face made you want to make him happy. 

      “Sorry for raising my voice at you I just wanted to make sure you were okay and I freaked out seeing you so-”

      You cut him off “it’s okay, I’ll be okay. I’ve just been really tired and stuff. I should have called you.”

      “Next time…” Taeyoung said as you sat up and he tackled you into a tight hug. “Maybe we can even lay here together for a couple more minutes, better yet let’s just go on a walk tomorrow I’m tired too…”

Seongmin

“Are you gonna be done soon…” Seongmin asked cheek pressed against the doorway and lips pursed in minor annoyance. 

      More than annoyance however, he felt concern. His face squished against the wooden frame of the entrance to your makeshift office (the desk in the corner or your shared bedroom). Normally this would have been about the fifth time in the hour Seongmin would come over to disturb you while you were working, but this past week and a half had been pretty different. He had seen you like this before, completely absorbed in your work, tired and distracted… but now it felt more like you were purposefully over working yourself. You weren’t just absorbed in work, but completely overwhelmed by it, more than tired you were utterly sleep deprived, you weren’t even really distracted you were just distracted when it came to him. Seongmin was pretty used to having your undivided attention or at the very least viciously demanding it. You found it cute the way he always wanted to be at your side making you laugh or just watching your expressions as you listened to a story he told. It was one of the reasons he loved you so much. Your willingness to include each other in just about anything the other was doing without it even really being necessary was what endeared him to you in the first place. Though, that made it all the more upsetting when you couldn’t or rather wouldn’t include each other in something.

      When you had started your relationship Seongmin remembered you telling him you were a difficult partner. That often times it felt like your brain would grow legs and start running faster than you could keep up. That you would become physically and psychologically exhausted out of the blue. He thought it was silly how you would think your own personal struggles would deter him from wanting to be with you, but he quickly realized that even the brightest smile and silliest nudge in the right direction wouldn’t be enough to pull you out of a spiral once it started. It wasn’t impossible, not in the slightest, but Seongmin did really have to try. He had to try and be delicate with his words, careful with his actions, and very intentional about the way he would attempt to help you. He remembered you saying it wasn’t always about just trying to cheer you up but just noticing before things got too bad. Now he was noticing, and remembering the last time he saw you like this.

      “Do you want to eat dinner… or like… take a break?” Seongmin asked. Gentle voice ringing throughout the room and eventually echoing through the nearly silent apartment. “You know you have to respond to me eventually.” He huffed stopping before he got frustrated. 

      All he got was a sort of muffled “sorry” from you in response as you kept clacking away at your computer.

      He slowly unstuck his face from the doorframe “is typing more important than me?” approaching slowly and cracking a smile he reached his arms out to not only try and softly grab your shoulders but also to steady himself while sauntering over the sea of loose papers and piles of books strewn about the floor. “I was making a gentle suggestion before but now I’m serious! It’s time to take a break Y/N!” Seongmin rested his hands at either side of you just beside your neck and placed his thumbs right by your shoulder blades. He used his remaining fingers to lift up your chin and straighten out your posture a bit. “You haven’t looked me in the eyes in like two days.” Adjusting your chin more he leaned over to look at you flashing his signature puppy eyes, dark brown and sparkling as you returned his gaze. 

      You finally looked back at him letting him take in the bags under your eyes, visible even in the dim yellow glow reflected from your beat up desk lamp. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration isn’t it”. You said smiling dryly and stifling a yawn. 

      “Not really…” His reply had tinge of genuine sadness to it but he tried his best to hide it with another smile.

      You spun around in your chair to face him better. “Sorry” you said again, this time a little clearer. “I just… have a lot of work to get done. Once I start it feels like I can’t stop.” You looked off into the distance, avoiding your partner’s eyes as you spoke. “I just feel like if I stop I’ll feel worse and I already have a lot of stuff to do so I just need to keep going, I just-” you furrowed your brows and narrowed your gaze as if trying to remember what it was that had originally glued you to this chair a couple days ago. “-I need to…” you trailed off.

      “You need to take a break.” Seongmin said in all seriousness “right now”. He reached down to clasp your hands in his, and prevent you from turning around and working again.

      That was enough to bring some clarity to you and remind you of what it felt like to be present again. You had spent so many hours tucked away in this room for seemingly no reason that Seongmin’s plain gaze and soft yet firm grip around your fingers helped to un-numb your senses. A wave of hunger, thirst, fatigue, and an ache in your upper body from sitting in the same position for so long hit you all at once. “Shit I feel awful…” you said to yourself “and kind of stupid, I don’t know why I do that.”

      Seongmin leaned down and placed a little kiss on your nose. “You’re not stupid, just silly”. He chuckled waving a hand in front of your face “welcome to earth, it’s good to have you back!” 

      You smiled in embarrassment and bit your lip anxiously. “It hasn’t really been two days has it?”

      Noticing the slight worry in your eyes and the way your fingers started to twitch in his hands, Seongmin decided to forgo the truth. “No! No! It’s only been like… I was exaggerating before it’s been like… Hey! Do you want to order food you must be really hungry!”

      “I mean I thought…” your mind was a bit foggy but what he was saying didn’t seem right. Then the mention of ordering food settled into your mind and that did seem right. “Oh yeah, I’m totally starving!” 

      “Let me go get my phone.” Seongmin ruffled your hair a bit and then rushed out and before you could even blink, he was pulling you out of your chair and onto the bed to sit and browse his food delivery app. The dark circles were still ever-present under your eyes and you looked a bit haggard but as your face scanned his phone, no longer absorbed in work, a genuine smile on your face, light returning to your being he thought you looked really beautiful. Rubbing small circles on your back he reminded himself to remember this for next time, because no matter how awful it seemed there would always be a next time and that was okay…

-🍌🍶

[kyufeed]

[bgarchivee]

minhee + hyeongjun (cravity)

[gangmong]

[hoforwonho]

Cravity - Love or Die

[kboyspace]

ৎX♡X 것 find the orbit ✩ › cravity ! ✩ › ʳᵉᵇˡᵒᵍ ᵒʳ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᶦᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵃᵛᵉ!

[kpop-girlsworld]

Minnie

[kpop-bbg]

[nogenre]

[evnne]

[denim-bias]

[luvity-exe]

태영 (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑