#Might also go cheaper w more if need be but we’ll see!!

[feral-teeth]

🚨🚨🚨Emergency Commission!🚨🚨🚨

Im a queer, unemployed, disabled nonbinary artist who is trying to move out of my abusive home ASAP!

~~-I have 10 slots open for $80 each ~~

✅ Fandom, nsfw, anthro, furries, feral, light gore

❌ Extreme gore Fetish art Underage ect.

Turn around time will be as soon as I can/at most one week.

-I can turn down anything I am not comfortable with doing! -DM me here or on discord only - feral-tooth -Payment is through my kofi ⭐️https://ko-fi.com/feralvalentine⭐️ -payment is up front -NO REFUNDS OR RETURNS

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[jougogo]

mascaras the haikyuu queens would borrow from my bag

based on my unhealthy obsession with mascaras (pls someone sponsor me)

also there’s a crack drabble at the end please read it im wheezing

shimizu kiyoko

bombastic by doucce: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL'S GORGEOUS LASHES im so jealous, anyways this mascara has a good wand and it's really good for achieving a more wispy/voluminous/full look IN LIKE ONE SWIPE WTF THIS IS A GODSEND. literally looks like lash extensions, i could go on and on about this mascara. not flaky and this will survive through workouts! doesn't give you raccoon eyes so it's good ! (coming from an athlete with an oily eyelids so dw i gotchu covered) a personal fav of mine teehee, ranked #1 in my bag.

hitoka yachi

it's real! benefit: this mascara is so so good at lengthening and giving off that natural look, which i think yachi would appreciate because she doesn't like too much attention and it's natural so she can sneak this by her mom nope def not speaking from experience it's really great for beginners, and also very reliable and trustworthy. this lil thing will get the job done, guranteed.

tanaka saeko

better than sex by too faced: this mascara just screams I N T E N S I T Y. it's super voluminizing and gives off the appearance of a fuller lash. on the more dry/creamy side so it's super great for beginners or if ur really hungover. also it's v v reliable, will give you wispy lashes every time! my go to when im late which is everyday but we don't talk about that

michimiya yui

bad gal bang! by benefit: another really natural one, good at separating, very VERY lengthening. dramatic enough so that it'll make you look more awake but still not enough to get daichi's attention rip.  but this shi!t will stay all day until you take it off. a little more liquidy so you get some time to fix any lashes that are stuck together. also, thin wand so great for bottom lashes as well! 10/10, very much recommend. 

shirofuku yukie

waterproof lights camera lashes by tarte: i feel like she's the type to be drinking her water but then when she puts it down too quickly the water just splashes right back in her face?? LMAO or does this only happen to me, but she needs her mascara to be waterproof! also bc of all the steam from the yummy food contests she's conquering! anyways the queen deserves the whole spotlight so she gets the beloved lcl by tarte! the wand is pretty thin but don't let that fool you, because this wand is so good at lengthening and separating lashes. really good at holding curls. 

suzumeda kaori

lash sensational from loreal: pls give this poor girl a break i cant even imagine running around the fukurodani team with bokuto's antics, they've definitely broken into her bags more than once and messed up her stuff. so she had to get the cheap drugstore mascara just in case </3 but its okay because this is one of my top 3, the consistency is really good and the wand is so amazing gahh, it has like different combs on different sides so if you have that one pesky pair of lash that just sticks together it'll be super easy to fix. perfect for on the go

misaki hana

kush mascara by milk makeup: you can't convince me that this girl isn't exhausted from the antics of johzenji, which makes this mascara perfect for her! the consistency is on the creamy/dry side so a couple quick swipes will get you the full lash. plus it's infused w some cannabis oil so it makes ur lash healthier (but terushima will definitely try to do some experiments w this so please hana guard it safely)

amanai kanoka

lash next door by brooklyn and bailey: ok ok so my fav thing about this mascara is that it's not waterproof so it's easy to take off, but it's water resistant so that it won't come off when you're all sweaty!! literally perfect for intense practices, and the wand is similar to lcm by tarte so they wield pretty similar results; sweet, curled, lengthened lashes!! and DOES NOT FLAKE it's literally a life saver

alisa haiba

liquid lash extensions by thrive: this mascara definitely the one i use the most! It’s unique in the sense that it’s a tubing mascara, so it’s water resistant which is great for alisa because she keeps tearing up every time lev messes up a serve (we stan a responsible sis) BUT it’s also very easily removed! just splash some warm water and the mascara literally slides right off im not even kidding. she definitely takes really good care of her appearance and will be sad even if she sees one eyelash fall so this is really great for her bc waterproof mascara is such a pain in the ass to remove. also very lengthening

yamaka mika 

lash multiplier by revlon: mika is a baddie!! but daishou makes her cry so much she has to rebuy a tube like every month. so our lovely mika gets something easy, cheap, and has a good effect for puppy eyes. this mascara is just like the liquid lash extension; a tubing mascara,,,HOWEVER this one is WAY CHEAPER. u can def find this at ur local drugstore for like 6-8 bucks. great for on the go since it's easy to apply super fast, will get u a nice full fringe in like 3 swipes.

nametsu mai

damn girl! by too faced: how could i forget our beloved date tech manager,,,mai is def the scariest on date tech and she will let you know!!! this mascara is essentially a sequel to better than sex; your lashes will be bigger, fuller, and more glamorous! also the formula is literally so light it's like whipped cream,,, you will not feel a thing guranteed. it's like extensions but m a g i c

extra:

after being scolded by yukie for not getting dinner on time, the boys of the 3rd gym strolled through the dimly lit hallway on the way to the cafeteria. "yo, you know, i heard the girls bathrooms have couches or whatever," kuroo said, noticing the girl's bathroom as they walked past it. 

"what! thats not fair!" bokuto whined. "how come the girl's stuff are always nicer? the boy's bathroom always just stinks, and there's always pee on the ground for some reason. like why can't you just aim? it's not that hard." 

"well, im sure for short people, like maybe yaku-san or shoyo it's easy. but it's hard to aim when you're very tall!" lev explained brightly. in the onsen somewhere, morisuke yaku felt shivers go up his spine and a sudden urge to punch someone.

"lev, are u sure ur not the one peeing the floor? c'mon, man this is why we don't get nice things in our bathrooms!" kuroo groaned, flicking the first year’s forehead.

"well, it's just a rumor," akaashi explained, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe off the sweat on his face. "there might not be a couch in the girl's bathroom."

"why don't you go find out?" tsukki taunted with a devilish grin on his face. 

"i don't think this is a good idea," akaashi remarked, albeit a bit too late as hinata, kuroo, lev, and bokuto already sprinted down the hallway. 

"aww, no couch" bokuto disappointedly wailed when he stepped into the girl's bathroom. 

"well, this is a school bathroom after all," kuroo admitted as he flipped on the light switch. the bathroom was cleaner than the boy’s, for sure, but after all the outrageous tales they had expected to find at least a little something out of the ordinary.

"hey, what's this?" hinata was pointing to a bright pink makeup bag that was lying open on the counter.

"ooh, one of the managers must’ve left it behind! whose bag is this, is there a name on it?" lev rushed over to the bag and turned it upside down. dozens of colorful tubes and compacts fell out, splayed across the counter.

"whats this tube?" hinata asked, holding up a metallic pink tube.

"well, what does it say on the tube, dumbass?" tsukki smirked from the door frame he was leaning on. akaashi hesitantly stood behind him, questioning if entering the girl’s bathroom was a good decision. 

"better..than sex!" hinata read aloud, a bit louder than he had intended to. everyone froze, and stared at the little pink tube.

"wait what the fu- hold up lemme see that," kuroo aggressively grabbed the tube from hinata's hands and twisted it open

"oh it's just macasara," bokuto said. they shouldn’t have been surprised, considering it did come out of a makeup bag.

"do you think the name is true?" kuroo was actually curious about this. is the little pink tube of innocent looking mascara the reason that girls were refusing to go out with him?

"let's see," bokuto snatched the tube out of kuroo's hand and started swiping on the pigment on his lashes, his mouth agape and head tilted back as he intently stared at his reflection in the mirror.

"it's been 10 minutes since we called the boys, should we check up on them?" yachi said nervously. the other girls turned and looked as if she had just made a revelation. "you're right, bokuto always sprints up for dinner and he looked pretty eager when we gave him his notice," kaori said nervously. "and everyone knows that the nekoma boys shouldn't be left alone, they're chaotic," shirufuku remarked. "that's so true...lets go find them," the rest of the managers agreed, taking off their aprons and stepping out of the cafeteria.

however, they heard the boisterous laughs a floor away. cautiously, kiyoko led the group down the stairs and followed the sound. imagine their surprise when they found the noise coming from inside the girl's bathroom. 

"um, we're the only girls here…" yachi whispered. they crept up closer and closer until they were right outside. kiyoko put her finger to her lips and motioned for the girls to line up against the wall just in case. "okay, we'll open the door in 3…" she put her hand on the knob. "2…" it seemed like time was in slow motion as everyone's heart pounded loudly. "1!"

kuroo and hinata have mascara on their eyebrows, streaks of black pigment under their eyes and all over their cheeks like some kind of war paint. akaashi is holding an eyelash curler, trying to curl bokuto's eyelashes all the while bokuto is smacking akaashi's hand away.

"it looks like a torture device!" he cried.

"bokuto-san, it's suppose the enhance the lengthening effect,"

lev is trying to give himself a mustache by swiping on hair-like strokes with the mascara wand, and ever the opportunist, tsukki is in the corner, taking blackmail pictures

"oh, hi!. . . girls" hinata trailed off when he saw the horrified managers through the mirror. every face in the room paled white as a sheet. 

extra no.2:

"wait how do i take this off, it's not coming off with water!!" bokuto wailed, slumping against the sink

he had unfortunately, picked the waterproof mascara.

the managers agreed that they have all conveniently ran out of makeup wipes

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“triad”

Chapter 16: the lengthening shadow

Oh boy. This is where the story takes a very dark turn. Let me know what you think and any theories you might have!!!! A lot happens here... MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS GOING FORWARD!

AO3 LINK

“Surprise!”

“What?! Hey- guys-” I couldn’t help but let out a little scoff of a laugh as I crossed my arms. “I told you, you can’t just sneak into the base! Remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah yeah, your whole squad attacked us. But this is worth it.” Yami gestured to William, who was beaming behind his mask and holding up a bottle of wine. “We got ya a gift.”

“Huh? What for?” I eyed the bottle suspiciously, wondering if this was a little prank. According to the label, this was some expensive liquor, and must have cost them a lot of money. It looks sealed, ruling out the theory that they just funneled some cheaper wine into an empty bottle.

“Well, you’re leaving tomorrow morning, right?” William asked. “You’ll be gone for your birthday, so we thought you’d like a token of our friendship before you go.”

A token of our friendship.

Slowly, I reach out and take the bottle. “Guys… thank you.” I can’t stop myself from grinning as I looked up at my two strange yet dear friends. Maybe we were on two different squads, but it was just like Yami said before: The three of us are the strangest members of the magic knights. A foreigner, a man with a tacky mask and a girl with a creepy mark. The three of us… we were meant to stick together. We had each other’s backs.

Had each other’s backs.

“We can’t drink it tonight, though, I have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Well-” Yami smirked and clapped me on the shoulder while William kept smiling. “I guess we’ll have to drink it when you get home.”

….

….

“We never did end up drinking it together, did we?”

That bottle of wine… it was in my room when the royal guard came for me. After the trial and my rank was stripped, I found it smashed to pieces on the floor, the contents staining the ground like blood.

And now…

I hold a bottle of a considerably more potent liquid in my hand now. My grip is shaky; my fingertips cold. My mouth is dry, screaming for a taste. The only thing keeping me back from downing it all is the faint kicks in my belly.

Yami… William…

It’s late. No light comes in through the window. 

Please… stay alive… 

If I lose them… I’ve lost the last good memory I have.

 “Hey… hey!”

Someone suddenly comes up behind me, their arms reaching around me. I don’t move or even react as they pry away the bottle, stepping back when it’s been removed. Slowly, I let out a sigh through my nose, then turn to look at Marx. His worry is etched all over his face, the lines around his eyes deepening as if he’s aged 15 years. None of us have slept since the news. 

“Seriously… right when we need you the most. And the baby! That stuff will hurt them.”

His voice is just as scolding as ever, and in a weird way, it comforts me.

“Julius! What on earth are the two of you doing?”

“Honestly, you need to help me get him to do his job, not hinder me!”

“Maybe I’ll let you have a day off… but only if you can force him to finish those reports!”

Years and years of memories are within those eyes, within those words. But they’re clipped with anxiety, with a tenseness that makes my heart sink.

The good old days… they really are over, aren’t they? Marx… you don’t see me as the person I was six months ago. I was a girl, someone eager to prove themselves and be of use to the kingdom. But now, I wear a heavy crown on my head, my body wilting underneath it. Do you think… I will let this Kingdom wilt with me?

There’s nothing I want more than to tell him that I won’t be a problem for him for much longer. But… I can’t.

“I… wasn’t actually going to drink it.” I shake my head a little, conjuring up a strained smile before turning to walk past him and towards the door. “I was just thinking about it.” I pause for a moment to glance back at him. “Everyone is here, then?”

Marx stares at me quietly, contemplatively, before clearing his throat to answer. “Yeah… everyone but Nacht. I haven’t heard from him yet.”

Of course he’ll be late… I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t show up at all, I think. Nacht is probably far away, unable to reach us. A pity, because his intell would be crucial right now. Well, we have to go off what we have… Yuno and the others were present for the fights, and even heard about the Dark Triad’s plan.

“I see. We’ll start without him.”

Eight captains rise to their feet as I enter the room. Among them is Yuno, his tall, thin frame weighted down by the battle he had been forced to witness. I catch his eye for just a moment before he looks away. They’re dull, their golden glint completely gone. Many of his comrades are dead, the Golden Dawn absolutely decimated. My heart clenches at the thought.

God… if only I were there… if only I could have fought…

Of course, that would have been impossible. Even just walking to the head of the room is taxing on my unwieldy body, and I have to hold Marx’s arm as I move. I can feel the captains’ eyes burning into me, all of them fixated on the baby I carry. Ever since I broke the news to them, their reactions were the same: they wanted to protect me, because I carried something more precious than they could have ever imagined. The child of Julius Novachrono… the child of two wizard kings, a child of two worlds. 

Will this baby even be human?

Or will it have black eyes and a cursed mark, just like me?

I finally sit down, the chair creaking slightly underneath me. A little embarrassed, I clear my throat as I pull my robe around myself to hide my frame. “So… let’s begin.” The other captains sit down, most of them blank in the face. Nervously, I pick up the papers on the table before me and give them a quick once-over. “So… according to the reports of the Black Bulls, the goal of the Dark Triad is to open up a gate to the underworld… the world of Devils.” A shiver runs down my spine. “This gate is called the Tree of Qliphoth, and the requirements to construct it are the powers of a Dark magic mage and a World Tree magic mage…” My hand clenches slightly on the paper, crumpling the corner. “That would be Yami and William.”

“Those two… they really got abducted?” Rill asks, his eyes wide. “Are the Dark Triad really that powerful?”

“Or maybe they were just incompetent,” Charlotte answers for me, her eyes hardened, unreadable. I stare at her a moment longer. I’ve known her for years now, her crush on Yami is obvious. But today, her face betrays none of the fear I know swirls inside her. 

“Trust me…” Yuno’s voice picks up, his words monotonous and tired. “They are more powerful than a captain. The one that defeated us…”

“Keh Keh, I bet you just got in the way-” Jack’s harsh laugh cuts the boy off. “You’re just scared… that’s your first mistake-”

He cuts himself off when he realizes how Fuegoleon is looking at him. “Jack… even William couldn’t defeat him. And now, our world may be connected with the next. It’s best that we make a plan and move quickly.”

“Yami and William may already be dead-”

“Do NOT assume the worst,” Charlotte cuts in over Rill once again.

“This is ridiculous! None of us will agree on a plan of action anyway.” Jack suddenly rises to his full height, his wing-like cloak glimmering in the candlelight as he turns to leave. “I’m gonna go protect my own squad for now-”

“Jack.” Nozel is the one who speaks this time. “If you go do anything on your own-”

Jack looks back to give him the evil eye. “Who said I was? That’s a dumb idea, even I know that-”

“None of us are doing anything on our own!” Charlotte speaks up. “Yami… I want to help him! And William too! We can’t just sit here and argue about it!”

Nozel glares at Jack. “Don’t think you’re the only one who wants this. I will finish that foreigner off with my own powers-”

“Enough!” Flames dance dramatically around Fuegoleon as he rises to his feet, his presence swelling throughout the whole room. It’s warm now, like a blazing bonfire, and I can’t help but smile a little to myself. Just like that, everyone is silenced… Fuegoleon, I was right to choose you as my successor. 

“It seems like you all have a desire to act… but…”

Cold seeps into the room as fast as it was warmed. All of the captains reel around towards the source of the new voice. I raise an eyebrow, electing to stay silent for now as a figure rises out of the shadows. Under one cloaked arm, he carries a small, muscular boy. Asta.

“I can’t stand people who can’t even hold a proper meeting.”

Nacht… it’s been years. I’ll let you take it from here.

“W-Who-” 

Of course, all at once, the captains’ hostility is turned onto the new, unfamiliar man in the room, who happens to be standing a little too close to their King. “Intruder! Stand down!” Charlotte orders, shooting her briars at him. The others are queuing up spells as well.

“... oh, you don’t recognize me?”

Suddenly, four dark figures appear in the room, their limbs reaching out to hold each of the captains in place. They freeze where they stand. Devils? I watch silently with Marx as the creatures float above us menacingly. 

“Who are you?” Fuegoleon asks again, his eyes widening at Nacht’s power.

Nacht just laughs quietly, letting Asta down to stand on the floor beside him. “Someone who’s just as qualified to attend this meeting as you are.”

“This is Nacht Faust,” I finally say, glancing up at the back of his head. “He’s the vice captain of the Black Bulls… I called him back from his undercover position in the Spade Kingdom. Although…” I frown up at him as he finally turns to look me in the eye. “I… didn’t know you were also a devil host?”

His lips are curled into a cold smile as he stares down at me. “Oh you… I didn’t want to believe that you were actually Wizard King now. And while pregnant, too-” His eyes flicker down to my stomach then back to my indignant face. “There’s much to fill you in on… which is why I’m here.”

He throws something on my desk; a diagram of a tree with ten circles on it. Is this Qliphoth? Nacht answers my question immediately. “The ritual of the Qliphoth will be underway any moment now. Yami and William will be used as the catalyst, and over the next seven days, seven gates will be opened.”

I pick up the paper, gulping nervously. The Qliphoth tree… It’s been opened before, hasn’t it? Thousands of years ago… the Simulcian history didn’t begin until afterwords, if I remember correctly. I clench my fist, resolve filling me.

Simulcia… you were the one who ended its destruction last time, weren’t you?

“Ten devils are matched with its branches. Each one more powerful than the last. And once the final devil, Lucifero, emerges…”

Nacht’s icy gaze sweeps across the captains’ faces, his smile still in place.

“This world will end.”

A chill runs through the room along with his eyes. Nacht smiles again, unfazed. “And Yami and William will die once their magic is no longer needed. So… seven days from now. If that.”

“The end of the world…” Rill shudders. “Why would they try to bring that about?”

“Who knows?” Nacht shrugs, but his gaze hardens. “They are evil… pure, unadulterated evil.”

Evil…

 I look up at the back of Nacht’s head again. This man, who spent his life living in the heart of the Spade Kingdom… claims to have seen a pure evil. The evil required to end the world…

But… they aren’t really ending the world are they? They’re creating it… they want a world where only the strong can survive. Why? Maybe for fun…

Is it really so evil… to want to recreate the world?

Because… isn’t that exactly what I once wanted to do?

“We will have to move quickly. There’s not much time, for our world or Yami and Vangeance.” Nacht gestures to the others. “Asta…” his hand lands on the boy’s shoulder. “He will be our ultimate warrior. His anti magic will be a trump card against the Dark Triad. Around him, we will build a force of those with the potential to defeat the devils, and assault Spade Castle before it is too late.”

I see… I nod along, smiling a little at the thought. Together… we can strike. We can stop the Dark Triad!

“The members of the Dark Triad must be taken down…” Nacht continues. “Each of them has dual attributes. Zenon is the one with Bone and Spatial magic. Vanica has Curse and Blood magic. And Dante Zogratis… he has Body magic-”

Dual attributes? None of those sound too bad-

“-and Gravity magic.”

Static fills my brain.

Gravity magic….

“There is no gravity mage strong enough to achieve my goal.”

Dante Zogratis… who wields the magic of a devil, and gravity magic…

Nacht is still talking with the others, but his words are slurred and blurry. I nod along silently, completely confined within my own mind.

Gravity magic… gravity magic…

My hands shake. Adrenaline pumps through my weary heart.

Gravity magic…

I part my lips, letting out a quiet, small gasp.

I… I…

A spark of hope flares up within my soul.

I can do it… if I can take that magic…

A hand lands on my shoulder, jarring me from my thoughts. I look up to see that it’s Marx’s hand. “You alright? Everyone’s leaving…”

“Oh… yeah…” I shake my head, my heart still pounding. Temptation is calling, stronger than ever before. Who knew that a man, miles and miles away, would be the answer to my problem.

No… wait… didn’t I promise-

“What was the plan again?”

“Three days. We depart for the Spade Kingdom.” I look up to see that Nacht is still with us in the empty room, an amused look on his face. I bristle a little. He’s laughing at me… he thinks I’m a proper invalid now, right? I’ll show you… “I’m in charge of creating the squad.”

“...right.” I’m not exactly happy with how he just… took over, but after all he’s the spy with all the intell. “Good…” Slowly, with a helping hand from Marx, I rise to my feet and start to walk off towards the door. “I want a team of capable people around me… I trust you can do that.”

“You? Around you?” Nacht chuckles, causing me to stop in my tracks. “You’re not going.”

“What?” I turn back around to give him a confused look. “I’m the Wizard King… It’s my job to lead them-”

“Don’t joke with me, your majesty. You might wear the crown, but I know that you’re massively out of your depth.” Nacht smirks as he steps towards me. “Not just the fact that you’re pregnant… but also…”

My blood freezes as he comes to a stop ahead of me. Nacht… what did you learn… 

“And I’m not the only one who knows… the Spade Kingdom figured it out, too. They know what you are.”

His eyes glint cruelly.

“You’re a monster, aren’t you? A monster who’s dying-”

“Nacht-” I finally speak up to overwhelm his whisper before Marx can hear too much. “You’ve made your point… but this is my fight, too.”

“If you say so… but I won’t let you.” Nacht steps away, his black cloak sweeping around his body. “Your… state will prevent you from fighting properly. You’ll be nothing but dead weight. And if you have the misfortune of facing Dante…” He reaches out to the doorknob, glancing back at me one more time. “Gravity slows down time. It’s basic relativity. So good luck getting close to him.”

With that last stinger, he turns and disappears into the shadows once again. Asta scurries after him, glancing up at me once before mouthing “sorry” and leaving too. The door shuts, leaving Marx and me alone once again.

“He… he has a point.” Marx starts to say. “If anything happened to the baby-”

“Who cares about the baby.” 

He freezes as the frustrated whisper leaves my lips. I bite down on the inside of my mouth, instantly drawing blood. I clench my fist under my robe, to keep my hands from shaking.

Nacht… you’re right… I can’t fight. Or even win…

But…

I have to fight. I know I can’t win, but if I can’t even fight… then I’ll die as useless as I was born.

I can’t just die. I have to be a martyr. I have to be the Wizard King who sacrificed herself for the Kingdom. Just like Julius did.

Two things have to happen…

Maybe I don’t have to die. Not in the way I intended. Maybe I can still carry out the plan. 

I’m already useless, aren’t I? I let my two best friends get taken, and now the whole world might end because of my blunder. I failed… and sacrificing myself might not be enough to atone for it. The least I can do is fix the mess at the source.

But to do that… I need to defeat a Gravity Magic user. Nacht is right, Adeline told me this same thing long ego. Time is vulnerable to Gravity… so what do I need to use to defeat it?

I already know. I’ve known all along that it would come down to this. 

And then… I need to be able to move. This baby…

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t follow me.” 

I leave the room, and walk down the hallway on my own. My knees ache, my back burns, but I keep walking towards the perimeter of the castle. 

This is going to be tough to get right… but I guess this is the best I can do. If this baby dies, it doesn’t matter. It will be born again, after all.

My fingertips are cold.

But I still want to do my best… I only have three days.

“Oh? What’s going on? Why are you here?”

Owen and the other doctors watch in shock as I just walk on into the hospital, breezing past them on my way up the stairs. 

“I’ll be in room 12. Leave me alone for five minutes, though,” is all I tell them, not sparing a glance back. I ascend the staircase, making my way through the dark hall until I reach room 12. I quickly enter and shut the door behind me. With a heavy sigh, I reach up, undoing the chain that keeps my robe secured. It drops to the ground, and I step out of it and towards the bed. I kick off my shoes, then finally reach up, lifting the crown off of my head. It’s heavy in my hands, just as heavy as it was on my head, and I carefully place it on the bedside table.

Then, I crawl onto the bed, crossing my legs and letting my hands rest upon my knees. With one last deep breath, I let my eyes close.

Here goes nothing… but this has to be done.

My magic activates, and my body suddenly starts to glow.

Time magic… Chrono Accelerationem.

Magic warps around my body, centered around my stomach. I grip my knees at the strange feeling, my nails digging through the fabric of my tights and into the skin below.

More… MORE.

It’s farther than I’ve ever gone. I had hoped the end wouldn’t come so soon, but here it is. Somehow, someway, I will give birth to this child today. Dead or alive.

I need to fight… I NEED TO FIX EVERYTHING.

Then, the water breaks. 

With a gasp, I collapse backwards as pain shoots through my body, centered in my core. Something is kicking, screaming, desperate to be let out. T-That’s a baby, alright- I open my mouth, silently crying out. Ow… OW! I clench again, and sound finally escapes my throat: a dry, loud shriek that rips me apart from the inside.

Please….

The pain intensifies, and I hear footsteps thundering into the room.

“She’s gone into labor!! Get everyone you’ve got!”

Owen’s voice is fuzzy.

Owen… Marx… Adeline… and… you.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

This is my first step… 

A blue moth flits across my vision, closer and closer.

...Towards my fate.

Darkness descends through my mind. It goes cold, the last flame of hope flickering away. The hope that I could live up to everything he was. Because now… I know for sure that I am selfish.

I’m sorry, Julius… but… I’ve made my choice.

There is no such thing as evil on this earth.

Someone is yelling at me to push.

The pain is worse.

A soft hand clutches mine, a soft voice floating through the cold.

No such thing… but me.

….

…

…

…

Light flows in through the window. Beautiful, golden dawn.

Light. 

Something cold and wet rests upon my forehead. I blink my eyes open, squinting slightly in the light. Slowly, I reach up to feel a damp cloth on my face. 

What happened… where am I?

Someone snores.

I turn my head, spotting a figure sitting in the chair by my bed.

...Julius?

I blink, and their face comes into focus. It’s Adeline, slumped over with my robe wrapped around her shoulders for warmth. Her eyes are red and puffy, but she looks… peaceful.

She was crying…

I reach down, smoothing my hand over my lower stomach. The bump is gone, the only remnants being the soft pads of fat that once sheltered a precious life.

The baby… where is it?

I sit up, letting the towel slip off my face and onto the pillow. I look around, seeing that Adeline and I are completely alone. 

Oh… so… did it survive?

Maybe… maybe it’s for the best that I don’t know. I have another job to do, after all.

Slowly, I stand up, a little weak on my feet but stable enough to get dressed. I fasten my belt, then slip into my shoes. My clothes were folded carefully on the dresser. My mark pulses with pain as I move, as if it’s willing me to lay down and go back to sleep again. Maybe forever.

Soon… be patient. I’ll let you die soon. But not until I see him again…

Before I leave, I look back at Adeline’s sleeping form.

I…

If everything goes according to plan… me and her… the love we shared.

I’m sorry. I have to break our promise. I hope I made you happy…

But I know it’s a lie. I know I’ve only been a source of sadness for her… and perhaps she will never know why she dies.

Goodbye… Adeline.

Blinking wetness out of the corner of my eye, I finally turn to leave, closing the door behind me. Now, it’s time for the next section of my plan. Theoretically, it should be easy. I’ll be doing something I’ve fantasized about doing since my first day in office. But somehow, I know it won’t be easy in the slightest. 

“OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

I freeze, then look up to see Marx thundering down the steps, a livid look on his face. “You’re out and about?! Absolutely not!!! You need to get back in bed RIGHT NOW! HONESTLY-” He looks more mad and scared than I’ve ever seen him. “You just gave birth… and-”

“The baby-” I cut him off. “... did it-”

“The baby is getting bathed while you’re supposed to be resting!”

For a split second, relief fills me.

It survived…

But it’s short lived. Marx keeps talking. “Honestly… if you want to see her-”

My eyes suddenly widen.

H-Her-

“MARX-” I suddenly yell, silencing him immediately. He stands there, frozen in place, as I stagger forward. My eyes are wide, almost crazed, and a faint spark of true anger suddenly flashes through the pitch black irises.

“Don’t you dare… tell me anything about that baby.”

He opens and closes his mouth, gasping out just one word.

“W-Why?”

I straighten up, then take a deep breath through my nose.

I can’t know… I don’t need to. Because, in just a couple of days…

“Because I said so.” I open my eyes again, and they are as empty as ever. Marx stares into them, fear within his own gaze. “There’s just one thing I want to know…”

I’ve thrown everything away. Friendships, humanity.... And my chance at life. I will throw away more, if I have to.

“Marx… tell me…”

And now… this next step…

The thought of carrying it out is delightful. I let my mouth split into a mirthless smile. 

“Where is Patri?”

NEXT TIME! Chapter 17: the waning light. Judgement finally falls upon an enemy. 

[a-table-of-fics]

Oddworld: Conar's Ambition, Chapter 4, Draft 1

In the meantime, he puffed on his Lungbuster some more, thinking about what they could do next. Once they were all in the scrapyard, and found a secure spot, that’d be a good time to see about that map Mark probably had. From there, he could hopefully find out where Zeb’s offices were, and from there he and Slim could take him down, and Conar could finally have a fortune of his own.

His happy daydreams were interrupted when he heard another vehicle come rumbling down the road, and the sound of screeching metal against concrete. He leaned to look past the wall, and he had to cover his earholes as he saw an ugly yellow truck coming to the garage, sparks flying behind it as it carelessly dragged an enormous three-pronged hook behind it on a thick metal cable. He leapt back, afraid the tow cable might swing his way and obliterate him. Thankfully, it was nowhere close, and the truck was slowing to turn into the parking space anyway.

A Slig wearing a work vest came out, putting a well-worn yellow cap onto his head. He slammed a fist on the bed of the truck, and three Scrubs sat up groaning, and climbed out of the back.

Conar turned to the sleeping Mudokons, and was quick to tap them both with his Blunderbuss. They stirred, slowly standing back up. Just in time, too; the Slig had looked their way. He nodded before walking over to the passenger side. The door opened, and Conar heard the tell-tale sound of a Glukkon’s cheap dress shoes rapidly clattering. He was smoking an even cheaper cigar, and oil-stained suspenders over a hideously yellow plaid shirt. He sneered as he looked over at Conar and the Mudokons under his care, but his face softened as he saw the cab they came in with.

He hummed, running a few mental tallies.

“Quite a wreck,” he finally said. “Almost wish I’d seen the accident!”

He laughed, and if there was one thing any Slig learned quickly, it’s that a Glukkon’s laughter is contagious… or else. The Mudokons had no such obligation; while Slim and Mark were trying to keep their heads down, the three Scrubs in yellow loincloths just unloaded the truck of its six toolboxes. They politely waited by the door, struggling to stand up under the weight they were carrying.

“I take it you’re Clunk?” Conar asked.

“You ain’t as stupid as you look,” the Gluk snorted. “Why do ya ask?”

“Your guard over there says we need a ticket from you to get this scrap into the yard.”

Clunk turned around, seeing a wide-awake Slig waving his way from his booth, his magazine hidden from view.

“He’s right, you will need one. We gotta make sure we can’t fix it first.”

Meanwhile, his assistant Slig was watching the overly encumbered Mudokons. He was taking great pleasure in slowly opening the doors, at a couple of points even “accidentally” letting the doors fall a little, chuckling as the Scrubs groaned. Finally, he let them in, and they were able to set their equipment on the workbench.

“Right,” Conar nodded. “So when can we get started, sir? I’m already running late…”

“250 Moolah,” the Glukkon replied, simply. “We also gotta get your name and everything for our records. If we start going a little late, maybe I can let your boss now. Who knows?”

He leaned forward, enough to breathe smoke into Conar’s face.

“He might be feeling lenient and just dock your pay.”

He chuckled to himself, while Conar reached into his bag. Having only around 1400 Moolah to his name, this was quite a bit, but what choice did he have?

The other Slig happily accepted his payment, and turned towards his workforce.

“All right, get ���er in so we can take a look!”

Conar and company watched as the cab was taken in, and followed when Clunk beckoned them in. They were directed to a lobby that had two very greasy chairs in it, as well as half another chair that was haphazardly lying against the wall. Clunk moved behind the front desk, where his assistant was waiting.

“So, you got an ID, ‘valued’ customer?”

“39872-A,” Conar said, automatically.

“Right. Place of employment?”

“Slog Hut 1884.”

“Quite a ways from here. What happened?”

“Got caught in some crossfire around home, sir.”

Clunk nodded.

“Right, we’ll see what we can do. You have a seat.”

Conar nodded, keeping the seat on his Pants rather than anything he could actually feel. The Mudokons, after one glare from the owner, shared the half-seat, keeping their feet splayed so they didn’t tip it over.

Clunk chuckled at the sight, and so Conar did too.

“Which of these chumps was the driver?”

Mark shrunk a bit, knowing what was going to come next, but before anyone else, Slim piped up.

“I was driving, sir.”

Mark was about to say something, but Slim’s elbow made a point against that. Clunk looked, and nodded.

“Brave Mud to admit that,” he said, turning back to Conar. “Make sure to get his license. Should have a number you can call on this phone here. They’ll take care of ‘im for losing company property, I hope.”

With that, he waddled over through the doorway, to the noises of metal clanging and tools hissing and whirring.

As soon as he was gone, Slim looked at the shaken Mark, then turned to Conar.

“Can you… can you pretend to call?”

“You ain’t tellin’ me what to do!” Conar replied. “I gotta call, that’s what he said…”

Slim’s look said it all, but he added “You want everyone to know where we are?”

“…Yeah, why don’t I just… not call, then?”

“Clunk’s probably gonna pop in at any moment. You really want to blow your cover here?”

Conar thought about it for a moment, then nodded. He’d have to ask about how Slim knew about this kind of thing later, but for now, he had a “call” to make to the taxi company. He stood up, holding a hand out expectantly. Mark looked at it for a moment, then sighed and produced a card from a pouch on his loincloth.

Conar snatched it and took a look. So he was supposed to call the Durtminch Taxi Service, but he punched random keys on the phone in rapid succession. He got a busy signal, but he pressed on.

“Yeah, hi… I wanted to report a Mud who drove through a gunfight…Yeah…We’re at Clunk’s… His name’s Mark…”

Clunk walked back in, watching while Conar finished his conversation.

“…ID, uh, 5928-22555…And this was 39872-A… Yeah, thanks.”

He looked up at the Glukkon.

“They said they’d discipline correctly.”

“Good,” Clunk nodded. “It’s important that they… learn. Anyway, we got some fixes underway. It’ll be ten minutes, but if it still don’t work, we’ll take it off your hands and getcha a ride.”

“Gotcha,” Conar nodded, walking back to take a seat.

Unfortunately, Clunk was staying at the desk, watching a monitor. No chance of using this time to rest, then; despite Conar’s reason for being late, he could still get reported for sleeping during work hours. Being late to the Slog Hut was one thing, but using this as an excuse to sleep was a one-way path to being detained until a co-worker could arrive and perform disciplinary action. Talking to the Mudokons was out of the question, too. No Glukkon liked seeing security being buddy-buddy with the workforce. So, he waited, listening to the sounds of mechanics hollering and metal clanging for ten minutes until, finally, the other Slig came back into the lobby.

“W-well,” he said, uneasily, “Got as fixed as we could, boss.”

The three Scrub mechanics walked in, covered in considerably more oil, soot, and burn marks than the Slig was.

“Well,” Clunk smiled, “Why don’t you have your driver friend there get the thing started, and we’ll see you off?”

Slim felt many eyes on him, and he slowly stood up. Mark followed suit, letting their half-chair slide and collapse onto the floor. He and Slim scrambled to get that back onto the wall, and then moved to follow the other Slig, with Conar following after.

He swallowed, climbing into the driver’s seat while Mark and Conar made it into the backseat.

“Hold up,” the head mechanic asked, raising a hand, “What’s the deal with the other Scrub?”

“You know better than to ask questions like that!” Clunk scolded, causing his Slig to wince. “It’s like you know nothing about keeping customers!”

He coughed, nearly dropping his cigar.

“Right then,” he continued, turning his attention to Conar through the window, “Explain why you’re commutin’ with a Mudokon!”

“Ah, y’see, er…”

“’M a student,” Slim meekly offered. “Y’see, he’s my instructor, isn’t that right, ‘Slim’?”

“I—” Mark started, before having his toe pressed by Conar’s metal foot. “Y-yeah, I am. L-lemme give ya a… refresher on how t’start this thing… yeah…”

He reached over, adjusting the levers to get the thing started. A rumble and whining noise, but nothing happened.

“Try again,” Clunk said.

“O-okay,” Mark nodded, having another go. Same result.

“Oy,” Clunk muttered, shaking his head. “All right, my boys’ll ger this into the scrapyard and we’ll getcha a new ride.”

“Actually,” Conar piped up. “I got two perfectly good Scrubs here. Betcha they could do with a bit of exercise, y’know what I’m saying?”

“Not gonna happen,” Clunk laughed. “Can’t have your Muds diving under a hunk of metal and escapin’, can we?”

“No sir,” Conar said, nodding a little too hastily. “Can’t have ‘em fleeing.”

He lifted his gun up meaningfully.

“I’m sure Tess and I could keep an eye on ‘em, though… heh heh…”

Clunk looked at him, and laughed.

“Ah, you really wanna teach ‘em a lesson, huh? Can’t blame ya for that; even a Mudokon should know not to drive into a firefight.”

He turned to his assistant.

“You focus on keeping our boys in line. Let our friend here take care of scrappin’ that piece of crap.”

“Er, all right, sir…”

It was hard to see with his own visor and the other Slig’s pilot-like goggles, but Conar could swear he was getting a side-eye from the guy as he turned to gather his mechanics.

Conar, for his part, simply shrugged, grabbing a ticket as it printed before giving a somewhat forceful jab to Slim’s back with the barrel of his gun.

“Get movin’, you two! I wanna see that cab in the scrap heap, and I wanna see it there now!”

He gave a bit of a chuckle to keep appearances, and the three of them moved the cab out. Well, Slim and Mark did, while Conar kept pace behind them, cradling “Tess” in his arms, still keeping it quite visible in the tried-and-true “Slig At Work” pose.

“Some escape,” Slim muttered under his breath. “Make me wish I was back shoveling Slog poo.”

“Wait, we’re escapin’?” Mark asked, perking up. “I can quit driving Sligs around? No more chokin’ on smoke?”

Before Mark could get too excited, though, he had to flinch as two shots rang out from behind him. Both he and Slim immediately put their hands over their heads, resting their faces onto the car’s trunk. They were just able to turn their heads enough to see Conar looking at them, his smoking gun pointed straight up in the air.

“Enough yapping!” he barked. “You’re slowin’ down when you do that!”

Mark was shaking a little, but Slim just sighed before beginning to push the cab again. On the plus side, the guard had woken up from that, and was already watching them pull up. Conar was already waving the ticket up for him, so he pulled the lever on the left of the control panel.

The three of them watched as the gate shook, groaning and creaking as it dragged along the ground. In the twenty-two seconds it took for it to open, Slim and Mark were able to take a breather, which they gratefully took. They almost didn’t notice when Conar shouted for them to start pushing again, but self-preservation kicked in regardless, and the cab was shoved through the gate again.

It soon became clear that they were not moving past multiple piles of discarded metal, but instead walking on one enormous heap. There was enough rust to pass as dirt if you weren’t walking on it, and they could hear metal creak not just under their feet, but everywhere. In the distance, a stack collapsed onto itself. A crane with an enormous magnet lifted junk into a new pile, and a bulldozer shoved more onto it.

As Conar looked around, the two Mudokons took note of the red eyes floating around. They didn’t seem to be taking any interest in the trio, instead panning over the various machines.

“Now, let’s get this thing outta the way,” Conar said. “I think I see some room over there.”

He gestured over to a place between an old FeeCo train car and a pile of refrigerators. It was a tight fit, but nothing a bit of elbow grease and Slig threats couldn’t take care of.

“Right,” Conar said, “We should find a place to lay low, then. We can figure things out from there.”

He looked either way, and found the door was taken off the train car. That was as good an option as any to look, but Slim put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from going into it.

“There’s a hideout in the fridges already,” he said. “Might wanna check that first.”

Conar paused to look at the pile on the other side, but outside of various graffiti tags, he didn’t see anything of interest. Besides, the train car was right here.

“I don’t know what you’re tryin’,” he said, pulling his shoulder away from the Mudokon, “but if you think you can pull one over me, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“I’m not—”

“Get in the train!” Conar shouted. “That’s an order!”

“Fine,” Slim sighed, clambering in. It was dark and cold down there, and the air had a metallic scent that was just powerful enough to be uncomfortable. Mark and Conar followed, landing next to him.

“It ain’t much,” Conar admitted, “but at least we should be hidden pretty well here.”

“I guess,” Slim shrugged, while Mark just nodded.

“It’s been a long night, so we oughta rest for a bit. We’ll work on getting started later.”

Conar watched as the Mudokons found a darker corner, huddling together for warmth. Despite the conditions, they found sleep far more easily than Conar did. The Expresso had long since lost its kick, but this was a far cry from the bed he was used to. What was worse, he was watching over recently-freed Scrubs. He could manage one, but what if the two were to gang up on him? Hell, Slim was already giving him orders! He was already getting a lot of nerve!

[berrymeter]

ok perth u probably didn't see the oneus cb yet but i gotta give u my thoughts please take my thoughts.

black mirror: it feels a little atrocious and cheesy and i actually love it like it's just a catchy song!! they could have gone harder but i'm okay with it. the mv is VERY valkyrie which is cute but also boring. none of the shots really wowed me also rbw tanked their budget for this cb.. and some of their fits suck. for me this is a step up from banbakbulga though

connect with us: letdown letdownnnn i would honestly rather listen to the outro version of this song. there is no movement there is no buildup. but xion has a verse so 🥰🥰 i guess

polarity: THIS IS THE ONE.. catchy as hell mwah

happy birthday: save me. save them. the chorus is nice honestly and i like this producer but the aggressively heterosexual corny english interjections really took me out of the vibe.. it's not my birthday i'm not your girlfriend shut up shut uppppp

valkyrock: mixed feelings bc it really just feels like valkyrie with poorly arranged hard guitar in the bg there were some weird instrumental choices too. it serves its purpose which is to be a cool concert remix. there are some cool moments tho especially with the main guitar which i can only assume is kanghyun just shredding it good for him. could have gone harder with the rock concept

so overall this cb... just okay. i'm okay with it! it's def not a come back home or a tbontb (i actually LOVED tbontb era sfsgdfdgdg even the acoustic guitar in the chorus) but frankly it wasn't trying to be that. still feels pretty oneus. anywayyy this is long! i just wanted to like. open a discussion lol don't feel pressured to respond!! -tt

i can finally start answering this ohohoho

hi tt anon my beloved!!! i am ready to answer to these thoughts (aka compare them to mine hSDGHSDKJGH. also i’ll be writing like, each ThoughtTM after i’ve listened to each song, so while i’m typing that i’ve only heard black mirror)

ok so i’m done typing my thoughts and. it got VERY long. don’t apologise for length i’m also wordy <3

now connect with us. so far i didn’t like the voice editing on keonhee’s voice but the song sounds... alright... not groundbreaking but it’s alright. seoho my beloved <3 WAIT THERES NO DROP IN THE CHORUS???? WHAT THE FUCK? i don’t really like the typical kpop drops always used now but come on?? oh wait there’s a? ugh. that was nothing. well i guess it’s a song and dongju got a verse for sure. i don’t have a lot to say on it i don’t know if i’ll add it to any playlists IS THAT HWANWOONG’S FIRST LINE?????? what the hell is any of this DSKJFHKJHD i may not have noticed him before but huh what. eh. it’s a song. again maybe it’ll grow on me! but right now yeah it’s a letdown i agree.

so for black mirror i agree the mv was... cheaper than what we got with gaja, twilight & etc. like they used all the budget on their first mvs DNSKJFHKJ (and to be or not to be... i guess? i don’t remember much except Guns And Blood Bath). i don’t really mind it in itself bc i don’t watch mvs much anymore and i’ve accepted that sometimes companies will just throw whatever at the audience for the sake of money (see also: ugly dance by onf letting me down in great part bc it acts as a followup to beautiful beautiful but is literally just a performance mv with no storytelling elements whatsoever but eh what can you do right) but for someone who likes cinematography it’s definitely gonna be disappointing if they were expecting something like gaja or come back home. as for the fits i didn’t really look at them, mostly their faces? and ough they are pretty <3 but yeah i wanted to get the more negative criticism out of the way so i can talk about The Song because unexpectedly i actually really like it!! and we can thank the bassline for that LMAOOO honestly this is gonna sound mean for no reason but this is what w*nho (censoring in case it gets in tags... i do NOT need mbbs after me on this fine day) thought he was doing with his debut song (not losing you that one made me cry. the one that i forgot the name of). i really enjoy the vibe of the song even if imo it doesn’t really fit the visual concept very much? but it has strings and i’m not gonna say no to strings. strings and a sexy bassline. and yonghoon’s whistling. SHFSDHKH

no but it’s a really good song imo! it’s not... as good as say, twilight (maybe it’ll grow on me idk we’ll see but twilight really was one of their best so), but it’s still a pretty solid song and while i do like banbakbulga a lot now it feels a lot less oneus than black mirror. oh wait i have something else to say, they really should leave the rapping to ravn bc like we know kpop rappers are not really rappers but i. really don’t wanna hear leedo rap anymore. he has great vocals there’s no reason for that... ravn is genuinely enjoyable to listen to so i don’t mind him but pls rbw give leedo more vocal lessons so he can sing more (and also give dongju vocal lessons at all?? why does he get two lines per song??? they’re a 2 yr old group now there’s no excuse. is he that bad? i don’t buy it he sounded good in the rtk gaja)

black mirror also very vaguely reminded me of run away by got7 during the chorus for some reason feel free to ignore that HFKJSHKFJ

onto polarity! shit i really need wrist braces. well this is like an improved connect with us? it’s definitely catchier sdnfsjkdfh and definitely a oneus song tho that means i don’t really like what their style is headed toward... one of the percussions they keep using, i really don’t like it!! i hear it everywhere and i don’t like it! not bc i hear it everywhere but bc it’s used for anything and everything like u should be more careful with what sounds u use for what songs. but i’m also very picky in the little details when i’m focused on something i guess sndfjskh. keonhee sounds really good in this song thank u mr lisp for my life i love u :) OH WAIT LEEDO IN THE CHORUS??? VERY GOOD LET’S GET MARRIED jk not to a leo man.

then we got happy birthday....... um... i was gonna say this is fine then he said you’re my goddess and. let me out <3 NOOO KEONHEE SOUNDS SO GOOD THIS IS EVIL... WHY DOES HE SOUND SO GOOD ON THIS SONG NANODNONDD LOVE LOSES </////3 i wouldn’t say it’s unlistenable for me like english girl but i’m gonna have to turn off my english speaking brain to listen to it yeah. it’s a good song otherwise what a shame... stop pushing ur heterosexual words onto me i’m just trying to listen to a song!!! do songs have to be gendered!!!!!!!!!

valkyrock here we go. last one. last one boys & not boys. so far it’s nice tbh. HUH? they lost the vibe with ravn’s verse. okay i guess the prechorus is alright i can hear the faintest hint of strings. the chorus... the percussions should not be like that... like idk how to explain it but the rhythm is too regular and not spaced out enough, if they were gonna do it like that it should hit a lot harder. don’t give me just the big boy (idk the english name but u know the one on the drums) and the small cymbal sound... that’s not loud enough bring out the damn gong (ok i may exaggerate but like it sounds more dancey than rock either way). uhhhhh overall though i really like the mix of the heavy guitar & strings i think that’s great and they should do that more. i can only assume onewe took care of the instruments LMAO harin u should’ve gone harder than that king i know u can...

so uhmmm for me this cb is... better than the previous one. which is sad bc it was a full album. i also liked it better than tbontb bc i felt that one didn’t go hard enough and black mirror wasn’t trying to go hard in that way so it doesn’t bother me 😭 yeah it’s not light us raise us fly with us level but it’s really good still. i can’t wait for oneus to finally release something that makes me insane but tbh? tbh? the bassline might get me there anyway. sexy bass makes me deranged and i think that’s at least a little bit relatable. still... when oneus get back to their roots in ways other than valkyrock maybe we’ll ascend to a better plane. much love 💕

[pippastrelle]

“A Not-So-Simple Story in Deapriffe”

Chapter One | Chapter Two | CHAPTER THREE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Three: A Not-So-Easy Evening

[4k Words]

Kalyani wished she could have been more horrified to find Ahmed with a black eye. She was horrified. Still, at the same time, she couldn’t argue she was shocked. She wished she couldn’t have expected that from Ari and Barry. She wished she couldn’t have expected that from the company. She wished she couldn’t have expected that from the whole of Deapriffe.

She also wished she couldn’t have expected to have to convince Ahmed to get an ice pack before he returned the assembly line. As much as they needed him, Ahmed coming back from Clarke’s office with a black eye would have done nothing but stoke fires. Kalyani herself had to prepare her best ‘deferential secretary’ voice for when she returned to her office. The fierce emails and calls had already arrived for Clarke. She had to hold herself up through a whole afternoon of “Yes, Sir”s and “Mr. Clarke said”s while the four-hundred she and Ahmed needed hammered deeper and deeper inside the back of her skull.

Kalyani met Ahmed on the factory bus to head back home. It was packed with their – rightfully – furious colleagues. They protested the payments amongst themselves and to everyone else listening. She knew they deserved to. She knew everyone was just as stressed. But the noise reached into her nerves and injected her whole body with anxiety until it felt like she had a dozen vipers crawling up her back, constricting around her throat and piercing every inch of her skin. She had to keep her earphones in for the whole trip. Ahmed sat next to her. He shot her an understanding furrow of his eyebrows and lift of his lips whenever she caught his eyes while he mediated what light conversation he could with the others.

All through the bus journey, all through the stroll past Lord Way, all through the lift up to their third-floor flat, the four-thousand followed in their shadows. It festered and buzzed in their ears, until they shut the flat door and it was all the silence had.

They slipped off their shoes as usual and Kalayni hovered, only a few steps into the main room. They’d squashed the living room and kitchen into one. A low sofa and television took up one corner while a half-square of countertops ending in an oven and a fridge took up the other. They usually ate on the sofa but they had two plastic wheelie chairs propped against the kitchen counter too, which Ahmed would use to wheel around on whenever he wasn’t relying on his foot. She stared at her bedroom door. “I’ll…I’ll grab my laptop. We’ll look at the budget. See what we’ll need to do to get four-hundred.”

“Cool…I’ll go grab another ice pack before this starts getting worse again,” said Ahmed, indicating the sore cloud over his eye.

While he headed for the fridge, Kalyani forced her feet forwards. Her stomach churned, the floor a tipping ship, and the sensation didn’t let her go even after she had her laptop and was sat on the sofa. She gripped the laptop’s edge. She took deep breath after deep breath until, finally, she could turn on the screen.

“Okay. So. Since our savings aren’t enough right now to get two-hundred for either of us, the first thing we can do is take the money from our food budget. We can cut down how much we buy in a week and buy cheaper versions for the next month or two. Cut down on going out with people too. Even if it won’t get us much, it’ll get us something. We can do the same for any toiletries or clothes or things we’ll need. We’ll be fine,” she said, quite aware of her creased forehead and the hands covering her mouth failing to convince even herself.

“We’ve got four days to make up the rest of the money,” Ahmed added. “I can easily do more shifts tomorrow and Friday. That’ll get us some more.” He rose from the fridge with a bag of frozen chips pressed to his face. He’d had to put his sock between his cheek and the chips to protect his skin from the cold.

Kalyani’s eyes were boring into the digital budget. As her heartrate continued to spike, her hands shook over her keyboard and she swallowed. “I’ll– I’ll ask around the neighbours. Hopefully, they’ll have some sewing they can pay me for before Monday. I’ll work on my breaks and in the evening so I can get us a bit more before we have to also have to think about paying the rent next week which will take most of what we’ve saved right now and…”

“Kalyani, Kalyani, deep breath.” Ahmed rested a hand on her arm and joined her on the sofa. He took a deep breath with her. Kalyani nodded to herself and pulled her knees up to her chest. Ahmed offered her a bright smile through his makeshift ice pack. “We’ll be okay. We can do this. We’ve just got one tough month to get through then everything will be back to normal. We can do this.”

She nodded along. When he put the ice pack down and opened his arms for a hug, she gladly fell into them. They held each other close for a few silent ticks of her watch, willing to hide from the world in their embrace.

“I love you,” she said, the white ring on her left hand clicking against the black ring on his right.

“I love you too,” Ahmed murmured. He leant his head against Kalyani’s soft hair. He didn’t speak again. She held him closer, realising he needed her warmth as much as she needed his.

“If we can’t earn enough money by Monday, we can sell things too,” he said, his voice lowering as the held cheer slipped away. “We’ve got some decorations but…” He sighed. “It’s probably the console that’ll get us enough. Maybe the screen too.”

Kalyani glimpsed at the television and game console stacked in the corner. Games they’d been collecting longer than they’d lived together piled high in a neat, rainbow-coloured tower by its side. Selling them would certainly get them Clarke’s money. Selling their weekends of laughing and shrieking as they declared victory over the other would certainly get them Clarke’s money.

Her heart weighed her to floor. She closed her eyes with a weak, sad laugh. “It’s funny. The reason I asked you for a job at Clarke’s Motors in the first place was so I wouldn’t have to worry about the Sharks…”

Ahmed furrowed his eyebrows down at her. “You want to move?”

After a few seconds silent, she shook her head. “It’s just as bad everywhere else in Deapriffe. There wouldn’t be any point.” Her lips tightened as her eyes darkened. “It’s not like we can do anything to change it either. Not at this rate. Everyone’s used to it, and no-one’s going to be the one to get shot for a message. The police have probably been in the Sharks’ pocket since we were born. Wouldn’t be surprised if the local government too…”

Kalyani was hardly conscious of what she was saying. The anxiety built to a balloon’s pressure in head and all it could do was pour out of her mouth. Still, as always, Ahmed listened, his shining eyes unmoving from her. Kalyani shifted. “I’m best at Clarke’s. You don’t have to worry about me leaving. I know you’d never anyway.”

“No,” Ahmed agreed. He replaced the frozen chips on his eye and stared up at the ceiling. His lips twitched, but the circumstances restrained his usual smile at his thoughts. “I still remember the first time Dad let me sneak into the assembly shop with him. He was holding my hand the whole time so I wouldn’t run off but he went through how all the cars were made with me, who everyone was, and how it all worked and it was incredible. I thought it was the coolest job in the world. In school, everyone was telling me to ‘aim higher’ but being able to do it now with my own hands, I love it. I love getting those car shells and transforming them into something you see on the roads, knowing how every car’s constructed, seeing all the parts and effort that went into every one of them.”

Kalyani enjoyed the fire rising in Ahmed’s expression. It was so bright yet inviting, like a campfire, as if he couldn’t wait for the other person to get as lit up as he was. When he looked back, he offered it to her.

“I know there are things wrong with the company. I know stuff like welfare and the pay could be better. But I love the work so much. I love who I work with. I don’t want to have to give up on that if I can do anything to help it.”

Kalyani sighed and closed her eyes. “Yeah. Exactly…” She shifted against him and for a few seconds, she didn’t stir. Her chest glowed with Ahmed’s comfort yet her anxiety kept pumping her heart and turning her stomach. So, in the dark of her mind, she rummaged furiously for a solution. She pulled the whole flat into view, pricing everything in every drawer until she could find something enough for Clarke on Monday. Anything other than their precious games. And she found it. The thought dulled every sensation in her body.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back in a sec,” she said. She hugged him one last time before she left to her bedroom.

Ahmed waited. When she returned, she returned with a neat, varnished, square box. His face fell. “No.”

“I never wear it anyway. It might as well help us.”

She opened the box to reveal the beautiful necklace inside. The glittering, engraved gold was a celebration of craftmanship with its thick chain of interlocking segments and plaits and the heavy adornment in the middle that seemed carved with every flame in the sun. She’d inherited it from her grandmother. She’d never worn it, just like she never wore any jewellery, but she’d kept it for all years Ahmed had known her.

“It’s real gold. If we sell it, it’ll definitely be enough.”

Ahmed rose. He closed his hands around the necklace’s box. “Thank you. Thank you so much…I know just what we’re going to do.” He projected reassurance through every inch of his face for her. “We’re going to pawn it! They do that over at the horse races. We’ll pawn it, get the money for Clarke, then work for the rest of the month to get it back! I can do more shifts, you can do more sewing, and we can even sell some small things to help if we’re struggling by the end. We’ve got thirty days. We can do this!”

“Yeah,” Kalyani said, her voice wavering. “Yeah.”

“So we’ve got our plan! I can go to the racetracks on Sunday morning to pawn the necklace. That way we’ll have these four days and a whole month to save up to get your grandmother’s necklace back. We can do it.”

He hugged her again.

Enveloped in his arms, Kalyani murmured, “You can pawn it on Saturday afternoon instead. In case something goes wrong and we need Sunday to try something else.”

“Alright.” He broke apart so he could see her try a smile. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I love you. Thank you.”

“I love you too.” Ahmed cocked his head towards the kitchen. “Alright. Now, do you want to do the cooking together tonight or do you have some work to finish?”

“Don’t worry. Don’t worry. I can do the cooking too. I’ve got that one jumper to finish but I can do it tonight.”

“Or, how about you sit on the sofa and do that while I cook? That way we can still chat.” He poked her in the chest, pretending to be stern. “Remember? You’re going to sleep at a decent time tonight so you can have breakfast with me in the morning.”

She chuckled. “Fine.” She clutched her grandmother’s necklace box to her heart. She drummed her fingers against the old wood as her chest swirled with equal stress and relief, each cutting the other down whenever they rose. Four-hundred was still so much money to get, but they had her grandmother’s necklace to pawn, but…

Kalyani’s quiet exhale deflated her. She rested against Ahmed one more time and he held her in kind.

“Elise’s family has been really struggling since her husband’s accident,” she said.

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“And Łukasz is only nineteen.”

“Yeah…”

*

On the other side of Deapriffe, Thresher was just as miserable. For the evening, she’d found herself in the Mary Rose: its status as one of the city’s finest dining establishments evident by the mass of chandeliers, silverware, columns, and arched windows. It had the architecture of a cathedral, but one refurbished in the ‘modern’ image of square polished and glass surfaces, and the night’s guests had filled its every corner with a raucous chatter. The restaurant was a luxury most of Deapriffe’s population would never see. Still, Thresher could hardly appreciate it with loud Sharks and trembling waiters all around her.

Outside the wall of windows they had gazing out onto the city, the nearest billboard was dead. The road was in lockdown and the Mary Rose should have been as well. Except, when a procession of the Shark’s white cars pulled up outside your doors, you weren’t allowed to stay shut. A sea of black and white suits filled every gleaming table across the restaurant floor. Laughter and catch-ups washed the air, covering the few meetings beneath it. Discussions that would go on to dictate lives melted into inanity for passing ears.

Thresher sat on a central table alongside her mother and twin. She couldn’t even wear her frustration on her face. Eyes from every corner flicked to the Shark boss and her children before hurriedly moving on. Even the waiters, who looked upon the mass of Sharks with indiscriminate terror, noticed how the attention warped around the three of them. They skirted away accordingly, until a lift of a hand had one darting over to take care of anything any of them wanted.

Sandra Vaughan reclined in her seat with a wine glass in hand. She ran through the other major Sharks for her children, supplying anecdotes for how she’d dealt with each of them. Thresher played the part of an interested listener. She kept her attention on her mum, she smiled, and she recognised enough of the names to add comments of her own, each of which Vaughan worked off with a proud glint in her smile. Every one wore Thresher down further. Her moments of success hit her harder than the failures: the moments where she realised she could dress up as the perfect, cisgender, Shark son her mum wanted forever, and she did not know how to deal with that prospect.

Finley, on the other hand, made no show of anything. He didn’t bother to hide his boredom at the sound of politics. He tilted back in his chair and texted his friends across the restaurant, enjoying the sight of the waitresses. Many of the women had caught Thresher’s eye as well, the restaurant’s black uniform blouse and pencil skirt a gorgeous shape on all of them. However, she stuck her attention to their table and continued draining her glass. The attention of a musclebound Shark never came as welcome to civilian women like them.

“Clarke made a decent point about Letizia Fulgoni,” Vaughan was saying. “She’s been raking in the profits recently. Shake that down and you’ll have yourself a nice bit of extra income.”

Thresher raised an eyebrow. “‘Shake that down’?” She chuckled. “Don’t worry. We won’t even have to bother. Fulgoni’s got no history of trouble. She’s got the new location but without any real safety nets, she’s not going to risk disobeying us. There’s no need to waste the manpower threatening her.”

The lines across Vaughan’s face flattened. “Watch yourself. It’s a pit trap too many Sharks fall into. Going easy on the businesses because things are ‘comfortable’ is the surest-fire way to losing everything to whichever upstart’s nearby. The biggest mess I’ve ever had to deal with was in Wobbegong’s–”

Finley snorted loudly. “God, these names are stupid!”

“He’s a stupid man,” said Vaughan. “Wobbegong earnt his name. The only reason I didn’t kill him was because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his brother’s inevitable revenge and lose me my best bookkeeper. Wobbegong, the pathetic bastard, had all his businesses ‘banding together and refusing to pay’. Bryson had to take over and double down on the whole road to get things back in line.”

Vaughan caught Finley’s exaggerated slump in his chair to her side.

“I understand. I understand. When I was your age, I didn’t want to have to care about all these names and faces either. People learnt their lessons through fear and all I had to consider were the drinks and the men I wanted that night.”

Finley burst into laughter. “Is that why you left Dad at home tonight?”

“Shush,” Vaughan chided – smirking. “Tonight’s for the family business family. You’re controlling your own territory now. Knowing the names and faces pays off in the long run. You’ve got to know what it takes to piss people off, what they’ll do when you have, and where you hit to hurt them the most. Sometimes, it takes a burnt-down house. Sometimes, it’s a simple punch to the gut.”

“Do we have to worry about Clarke at all?” Thresher asked.

“Please. Clarke would rather cut off his other ear than be an issue for us. He’ll stay in line. Meanwhile, you’ll get some extra cash out of it.”

Finley spun his knife between his fingers. “Shame. He looked hilarious this morning. Let’s increase the pay next month. I’d love it if he didn’t get the money.”

“So, if we don’t ruin our most useful asset,” Thresher continued, with a pointed turn away from Finley, “you’re saying we can rely on Clarke. We’ll use his decades of collaboration to our advantage. Let Fulgoni know any disobedience from her will just profit Clarke and there’ll be no risk of them banding together. This way, we get all the benefits without bothering about the extra Sharks and potentially agitating the Deapriffe police chief living in our territory.”

Vaughan’s lips twisted behind her wine glass. She set it down and flicked her hand for a new round. “James Dunn is firmly in our pocket. I make sure of that. He hasn’t done anything against the Sharks in all of Deapriffe. He’s not going to start because it’s affecting a business down the road. The only thing you’re risking by acting is a few civilians’ bones. That’s nothing in the grand scheme of things.” Her gaze settled on Thresher’s face. Thresher turned to avoid it but Vaughan ordered her back. “You know what I’ve been hearing.”

“I know.”

“Thresher…” Vaughan groaned through her teeth, caught between her care and frustration. “Listen. When you look weak, it makes me look weak.”

“I know.”

“You’ve got to start showing your backbone. You already have everything you need. If something broke out here right now, I’d trust the two of you to come out on top. All you have to do is make it so no-one’s got any doubt of that in the mind. Keep your efforts on that, then everything else they could say becomes irrelevant.”

Thresher caught Vaughan’s significant look. She raised her eyebrow. “Wondering if I’m gay again?”

Finley sniggered. Vaughan didn’t say anything.

Thresher rolled her eyes, not that it could stop the constriction of her heart. “No need to ‘worry’, Mum. Trust me. I am not interested in men.”

A stiff waitress arrived with their drinks. Vaughan took hers with an understanding gesture towards Thresher. “Take some direction from Finley. This job is all about experience. Keep getting fights under your belt and it’ll become second nature.”

“Yeah. Sure. That must be– Oh, I didn’t order a rosé.” Thresher passed her glass back to the waitress. “This must be for another table. I’ll have whatever white you’ve got.”

“Oh.” The waitress – a beautiful woman with red snuck into her uniforms in her locs and her heels – stopped. Gingerly, she collected the glass and Thresher’s face fell at the look of cold disgust piercing through her made-up eyes. Then, she cursed herself for not having expected it. The waitress attempted a civil, service worker nod before leaving to get Thresher’s drink. Vaughan’s hand snapped around her wrist. The waitress yelped.

“What do you call this service?” Vaughan demanded.

Thresher’s heart punched against her ribs. She rushed to take the rosé back. “Mum, I don’t care about this.”

Vaughan refused to loosen her hold on the waitress’s wrist. “Tell me your name.”

“…Sofia.”

“Full name.”

Sofia tested Vaughan’s grip before realising she was trapped. “Sofia Gálvez Moreno, Ma’am. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll get him his white right now.”

Vaughan hauled Sofia’s arm forwards and Sofia crashed against the table in front of Thresher. “We’re in no rush here,” Vaughan said, as if delivering Thresher a present. “You’ve got the time to teach Sofia some respect before she goes get you the right drink.”

Sofia’s eyes snapped up, wide. “No! Please, Sir, it was an honest mistake!”

Thresher put on a scowl for her mum and brother. She leant back in her seat, as if she couldn’t care less, and growled. “Get me my order.” She raised the rosé. “I’m keeping this. Come back with my white, on the house, then stay out of my sight for the rest of the evening.”

Sofia nodded like a child’s toy pulled too many times. “Yes, Sir! Right away, Sir!”

Once again, when she attempted to leave, Vaughan refused her. Finley leant over the table towards Thresher. “Here’s some of that ‘direction’ for you. You’re not teaching nursery.” He slapped her bicep. “All that time at the gym isn’t for show. People remember a broken arm way more than any of your wittle mean words.”

“No! Please!” Sofia cried. She met Thresher’s eyes, pleadingly. “Please, you have to understand. I’m just tired! I’ve been on my feet since seven this morning and I haven’t been sleeping well for weeks now. I’ve been busy looking after my sister’s baby! My sister’s got a heart disease and she’s in hospital while her son is very young. He’s only a few months old. My sister doesn’t have any other family in Deapriffe so I’m the only one who can watch him nights and look after her and–”

The words stabbed dagger after dagger into Thresher’s heart, horror painting her face uncontainably. Meanwhile, Vaughan and Finley sank deeper into their exasperation and incredulity as they heard the next rambled sob story on a list the length of a motorway. Vaughan put her face in her hand and groaned. “Enough!” She tightened her fist. Sofia cried out in pain.

“Mum–!” Thresher started.

Vaughan uncovered her tired expression. “Just shut her up!”

“Please! Don’t hurt me!” Sofia begged.

As Thresher looked around helplessly, Finley banged his hand down on the table. “For God’s sake, Thresher. Look! It’s easy!”

Thresher’s eyes shot wide. “Finley!”

“No!” Sofia recoiled.

Finley rose.

“DON’T TOUCH HER!” Thresher roared. She wrenched Sofia out of her mum’s hand. Sofia stumbled onto her heels past Thresher and the talk in the restaurant blew out like a bulb. Thresher faced Sofia, thrusting her hand at the exit. “Get out of here! No-one is going to follow you or they’ll have me to deal with.”

Sofia needed no convincing. With a final glance to Vaughan and Finley, she fled as fast as she was able to in her heels. Thresher watched her until the fire exit door had clattered shut. Her blood pounded like gongs in her ears. Her breathing rusher in and out of her chest. Neither succeeded in disguising how quiet the Mary Rose had become.

As instantly as they had stopped, the surrounding Sharks made a point of continuing their conversations and keeping their eyes on their own tables. Vaughan and Finley, however, had nothing to distract from their rage. Finley held his fists so tight his knuckles were white. His teeth seemed ready to crack against each other. The severe lines on Vaughan’s face cut through her skin as if freshly torn.

Finley tore his eyes off Thresher, facing his mum. “I don’t need him. I can do this by myself–”

“No! We do this as a family,” Vaughan snarled. Thoughts burnt behind her eyes. She pulled her voice down into something low and even. “Finley, when I tell you, take your brother out into town. I want him back with a kill. We’re going to get through his block.” She slammed her fist against the table and levelled her finger at Thresher. “And you are going to man up!”

Thresher’s eyes fell. She didn’t move.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter One | Chapter Two

I’m only posting three chapters for now. I might post more depending on what feedback I get!

Also, guessed the film I based this off? DM me with the correct film and I’ll draw whatever character you want for free!

[yellowjckets]

there’s so much drama abt what happened on sunday and as someone who was THERE and saw the show .....

a) there was an announcement beforehand & sally hughes said that everyone would be entitled to another ticket for a day of their choosing which is beyond nice of them- previously they’ve just given refunds and the offer to rebook with the box office, which can leave people who travelled feeling upset as they now have to reschedule their travel/accommodation and pay for that all over again. this gives people both something that they could see this time AND the option to see the full show at no extra cost for the ticket (they told us it’s valid for a year too so!)

b) the audience (which was mostly people who hadn’t been before to my knowledge and from what i heard said before n after the show) were absolutely Living for the concert version- it was lot more well done than people seem to think it was (if anything it made some things more intense bc no dance). this is one of those shows that really does work like this, so it was no great loss (and as someone who’s been before, definitely very fun to watch). also the audience were like the most excited i’ve seen them be in a while so!

c) YES the girls absolutely need a break, and consistently having them do 9/10 shows a week is bad, but they couldn’t predict that literally everyone would get sick/injured in the same week- they survived a good six months with only one alt until glasgow, so assuming 3 of them would manage makes sense. the 9-10 shows is meant to give every girl 1-2 shows off a week so they only ever do 8 unless due to illness or injury, they have to do more (which is becoming increasingly common). however, they really need to just cut back to doing 8 shows a week and having one off each, because although YES it is a one act show it’s so full of energy and they don’t leave the stage- doing three two show days a week (FOUR this week) is ridiculous.

d) however, i wouldn’t say 9-10 shows is them being greedy and wanting money like ... they have people to pay. the arts theatre is TINY it doesn’t have the capacity for moneymaking that literally almost any other theatre in the west end does (and although people complain about the price it’s honestly ... £20-50 with £25 rush, i really wouldn’t call that expensive even for a one act esp as the cheaper seats are GOOD seats (slips and front row)). like if we want six to stay affordable, that’s probably the model they’ve based their costs on- maybe they’ll cut back at some point in the future but i don’t see it happening, esp as they’re booking for another year pretty much. obviously, yes they want to make money but so does literally every other show so uhhh wake up b 

e) they KNOW they have an issue with alternates. hence why they hired shekinah AND collette to replace grace, and have said they’re hiring MORE alternateS (plural) in the future. the way it was worded sounds like shekinah will be aragon/cleves, we’ll get two new ones to alternate boleyn/howard/seymour/parr, and collette will understudy all the roles- probably going on once a week and being consistently on standby (unless it’s a full cast show). i could be wrong, but either way we’re going to have four alternates by october- they will manage with four. like i know they rely on grace far too much & the second she isn’t there the show falls apart atm, but surely with four (and with staggered introduction like ... there’s only two new ones atm, and two more new in october when shekinah & collette will have been on a fair amount) they’ll be able to cope. who knows, there might be five, but they ARE working on it.

f)  can people stop saying uwu boys can be in six now like ... toby wrote the show. he literally wrote it, if he wants to last minute step in to save it from being cancelled (especially as another show was cancelled only the other week) he can. also people saying he’s nonbinary when he’s never said anything to confirm that (i assume they’re drawing evidence from the way he dresses) is .... just a bit gross like. let it come from him if he is. but also he has said nothing at all about it as of yet, so you can’t just like. assume. 

g) sunday only happened bc (toby said in his own words to us) everyone was sick, and it wasn’t fair to put collette and shekinah on early because they weren’t ready so he stepped in to give people who travelled Some format of the show. 

h) can u all just calm down? please. yes the girls need a break. nobody is saying they don’t. however, this is just bad luck and what happens when u combine having a small cast w/ a longer running show, esp one w/ as high energy as this. i’ve seen BIGGER shows have to put people on as returns - and those bigger shows also have the luxury of ensembles, which they can cut tracks from. six can’t cut tracks... ah yes, henry the eighth and his famous four wives !

that being said, aimie did all her all you wanna do dance by herself girl is #committed 

[fishingformoncy-blog]

$$$  T H R E E S .

repost, do not reblog.

MUSE :   EUGENE H. KRABS.  ( MR. KRABS )

$ 𝟑 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐇𝐒.

Though it’s usually only in his own favor, he really is an amazing businessman. He knows psychology when it comes to prices and money, and knows how to swindle people of it via media, advertisement, and bargains. I’m sure everyone knows that one devious thing that companies do. They’ll say that some price was recently marked down from a higher price to make a deal, but it was actually always that price the whole time? He does that all the time. He also gives out frequent bargains that seem like they’re cheaper, but they’re not really cheaper in the long run ( i.e. i work at panera -- if you get an entire meal with a drink you can get a cookie for .99 cents. an actual cookie is a little less than 3 dollars. but it’s actually cheaper to get the cookie and no drink ) .

His morality is one of the biggest strengths he has. Though it is pretty grey when it comes to money, life is something really important to him. Growing up extremely poor he learned that life is very, very precious. And it only strengthened when he joined the navy to pay for business schooling. Seeing so many people die and having to use violence when being taught that it shouldn’t be necessarily really made him see that people are important and everyone has a reason. Unless of course, it comes to his money. If someone steals even a dollar from them, they’re getting horribly injured or killed. No one comes between him and his cash / fear of being poor again.

Speaking of cash, he is really good with it. In school, he didn’t really excel at anything aside from physical education, art, and math. He adored math because it forced him to focus and it alleviated his mind of stress. Not to mention it aided him when it came to managing cash and excelling in business school. If you need help with your finances, he is definitely someone to ask. He’ll teach you to love your money like it’s your child, so you can save it for something important, not superficial.

$ 𝟑 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒.

Money is his biggest strength, as well as his biggest weakness. Like I mentioned before, if anything comes between he and his cash, they won’t survive much longer. For example, in the episode where SandP get him a new bed, and Squid wanted to take all the credit, he almost choked him to death. Because all of his saved money was stuffed inside the mattress. Before that, he tore his room apart in a panicked frenzy. Also in the episode where the urchin invades the Krusty Krab, after seeing the urchin eat all his money in the cash register, he has a small panic attack and beats the fuck out of the thing, even though it hardly takes damage.

He can be pretty judgmental when it comes to certain ethnicities or types of people, I’ve noticed. Usually formed off of personal opinion or from what he’s seen / experienced. Those opinions can quickly change however, when proven otherwise. He is a very gullible man, especially when money is involved. He used to hate Sandy for fucking with Spongebob’s head simply because she was “a mammal,” until she started getting him money. So don’t be surprised if he can be a bit harsh at first. His mind can be easily changed, though.

He is eager to find love again, especially since he believes that he can’t find it truly anymore. After his first love either died or left ( i’m starting to lean more toward she died but we’ll see if canon ever says something ) ,  he’s really hoping that there will be someone out there for him. I’m not sure if everyone will consider this a weakness or not, but he does tend to be extremely flirtatious to women, especially those who are younger than him. It always ends up flaking though -- many people can’t stand how absolutely obsessed he is with money. The arguments about cash are numerous; most likely why he stopped seeing Miss Puff.

$ 𝟑 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒.  ( ASIDE FROM THE FORMULA ITSELF )

Plankton was the one who made the formula, actually! It was an accident that was caused by him slamming the door and pouring all the ingredients from a shelf into the tenderized beef. When Eugene tasted the incident and saw how beautiful it was, he claimed it was his own to get back at Plankton for wanting to have the recipe all for himself at first. After pulling out all the ingredients from the beef as a kid, he divided the missing amount from the containers and made the formula that way. To dig deeper into the secret, he would have wholeheartedly shared it with Plankton after all the craziness from the burger calmed down. But then he began bullying him. This will never be told to anyone, no matter who it is. The only one who would know is Plankton, if their friendship is ever rekindled.

He used to smoke in high school, which no one really ever knew. The only one who did know was again, Plankton. He stopped doing it when he joined the navy, as he knew he needed the extra strength and needed to break the addiction. He already had one, he didn’t need another. To this day, he still sometimes craves one, and tends to use other stress relievers ( talking to money about it is something he does a lot )  to try and break the crippling desire from time-to-time.

It’s really hard thinking of a third one, so I guess just his past in general? He really hates seeming like a poor person, and it embarrasses him to even be considered poor in anyone’s eyes. He envies people richer than him, and genuinely looks up to people who are popular businessmen / women. He wants to be as rich as them before he dies. So if you wanna hear his backstory, there better be a good fucking reason to. Because otherwise he’d be too uncomfortable sharing how poor he used to be. It makes him fucking cringe just thinking about it.

$ 𝟑 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒

BEING POOR .  His biggest fear is somehow losing sight of all the money he has, someone stealing it all, and being tossed back into the dirt. He never wants to live that life again. Too much has happened since he gained his money: he’s helped his entire family for helping him through his life; his daughter depends on it. He won’t be able to live without money. It scares him so much that he coud literally kill people if someone even touches his finances.

Losing his daughter is a big one. He’s a pretty lonely man enough as it is. He can’t even understand his daughter half the time which is a huge struggle in his life, but it’s one he can deal with so long as he has her. He might not always know how to show it, but he does genuinely love her, and wants to give her a life growing up that he never had. Which admittedly, makes her somewhat spoiled. If anything happened to her he would be devastated and absolutely depressed. Would probably feel like he let his lover down, too.

Losing Spongebob. Though this one isn’t as big as the other two by any means, it’s still pretty high on the list. Unless firing him will give him more money in the long run, he wants to keep Spongebob on his deployment chart. His back hurts like the dickens because of his old age so he can’t cook as well as he used to when he was younger, it’s going to be extremely difficult to find someone who will work for near ten - twelve hour days with only a few benefits and getting paid minimum wage, someone who cooks so outstandingly well, and will wait on customers with happiness and joy. He would be in a really tight situation and he knows his store would suffer if he lost him.

$ 𝟑 𝐆𝐎𝐀𝐋𝐒

To obtain as much money as heart desires! Which, theoretically is impossible. But as long as he can die rich, he will be happy. He doesn’t care what else happens. Furthermore, he wants to make sure that any money leftover from the business when he does pass on either goes to the person who takes it over -- which will most-likely be Spongebob, or his daughter for her education / career purposes.

Make Pearl happy. He knows he can’t satisfy her all the time or necessarily be there for her all the time because he’s usually off at work, or because he doesn’t understand her, but he just wants make sure she has what she wants. He could never get what he wanted as a child which didn’t really upset him much until he was told he couldn’t get a job until after his schooling was over. But he spoils her to make sure she doesn’t feel like she can’t have what she wants, and so she doesn’t end up feeling poor like he did.

To become friends with Plankton again  To make sure that at any and all times, the Krusty Krab has better profits, audiences, atmosphere, and business than the Chum Bucket. Even if that little, green devil has one customer it means terrible news. That’s another person lost for him, along with their families, and everything else.

TAGGED BY :  @90smagicalboy !  ( thanks duDE THIS W A SD O PE ! ) TAGGING :  @youwillobcy ,  @spngie ,  @cynicalcephalopod ,  @hisnote , @mechbrane ,  and anyone else who wants to !

[nekojitachan]

OK, so after spending a frustrating half an hour while the cats circled for food (THEY ARE SO NEGLECTED) assembling Adirondack chairs (which the husband oh so ‘lovingly’ points out that I keep mispronouncing), I figured I’d share some of the crumbs of wisdom I’d gathered so far on a long term relationship.

Why? Because those damn chairs are a bit of a goal, you see. I’ve wanted them for a while - we finally have a house, we have this nice deck that should be used more often, but I don’t do well in the sun and the heat. BUT, I wanted these chairs, these nice, sturdy, comfortable chairs, at least for the cooler days and nights and so forth. A step up from the cheaper ones we have out there right now.

Ones that will last through the years.

Yeah, there’s a symbolism there.

So when some came up on sale, we went back and forth (because we’d spent on various other things in the past month, so the husband asked me if we really needed them RIGHT NOW, and did that ‘you decide’ thing which anyone in a relationship might recognize... and then came back soon after that and said ‘you know what, I know you want them, and it’s a good price, yadda yadda... so get them’.

So we got them. They arrived. They’re actually good chairs (middle of the path, not the cheapest, not the highest end) and he built one and I built one and there was the familiar joke of how he had to go back and tighten everything for me because I never do that enough, but it’s a thing with us at this point, when we have over ten years together. Wow, ten plus years.

I still can’t believe that.

So, those crumbs of wisdom?

Find someone who recognizes what you want and accepts it. But be willing to recognize what they want, too. There’s give and take, ALWAYS. You don’t want either of you to be a doormat. See above, where he was all ‘you think about things’ at first, but then he also realized that I wanted something and then said ‘never mind, we’ll get them’. At first, yeah, he wasn’t ready to just say ‘yes’ because we are trying to keep an eye on the budget right now (we still are, if these hadn’t been on sale then we wouldn’t have gotten them), but he took into consideration what I wanted. When he comes to me for things, I try to balance out what he wants and what we can do - if it’s possible and it doesn’t mean something that’s going to make us or me miserable? Then it’s an easy yes.

It’s important, that ‘not make me/him(or her, or their) miserable’ part. You should never do something that’s going to make you miserable just because you think it’ll make your partner happy. Respect both of you, and demand your partner respect the both of you, too.

Respect each other’s space. We each have an area we can retreat to when we need it. We each allow the other time to go do what they want. We don’t freak out if the other goes off with other people on their own (we let the other know where we’re going/what we’re doing, but we think of that as common courtesy and let’s be honest, considering the state of the world, important these days). I honestly don’t care that he talks to ex-girlfriends. He broke up with them for a reason. He, knowing that I’m bi, doesn’t care that I spend time away with other women (or with men, to be honest, but I spend most of my spare time and vacations with other women). We chose each other. We trust each other. If you don’t trust each other, then you need to seriously re-evaluate your relationship.

Once you’re in that relationship and you think it’s long term? Financial stuff is very important. Discuss what you owe and your plans to resolve the debt. Are you going to buy a house together? You need to start planning. Seriously. Square whatever bills you have (and it’s fine if it’ll take a while), start building a savings account for a deposit, any possible retirement funds, all of that if you’re going to go into that together. Talk about this. I know it’s frightening considering how messed up things are because of college loans and the job market, but you need to be honest with each other, and you can help/support each other. Figure out if you’re going to do this together or if just one of you is planning on shouldering the burden (you still need to plan it at some point). Deciding on if you’ll do it together and getting serious about it sooner rather than later is best (not saying you have to be married, but the more prepared you are, and the sooner you get everything ready for the background checks and down payments, not to mention the legal documentation, is best).

Once you have that house? You need budgets. They’re going to try to get you to buy more than you can really afford (watch out for the monthly payments), and you have to factor in taxes and upkeep and monthly bills. The better you budget, the less stress you’ll have together (and there will have been enough stress just finding the damn house, trust me). Work it out, and leave room for some fun is my recommendation. Doesn’t mean you have to splurge on fine dining and extravagant vacations (unless you both agree to it), but you never know what’s going to happen so enjoy life a little. Take advantage of as much local free and cheap stuff as you can, do that budgeting, and spend wisely.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to live together. I’ll be perfectly honest, we each have our own bedroom. Between my migraines and VERY early work hours, it’s just best. It also goes back to that ‘own space’ and when we moved in together, he had a slight allergy to cats (and I came with two cats, no question or other alternative) so it was best he had a room w/out any cat dander. It doesn’t impact our relationship (it probably helps since we each have very different sleep schedules and habits) and intimacy, though I know some people can’t understand the concept of a married couple not sleeping together each night. But that’s just it - there’s not a ‘one size fits all’ when it comes people in relationships. So don’t let people tell you that you have to share a bed or a room, that it won’t work otherwise.

Be prepared for setbacks. Shit happens, as the saying goes. That’s why you budget, that’s why if at all possible, you put away a little each month for a new dishwasher or new brake pads or whatever. Why you enjoy life but don’t go overboard. Why you support each other, be honest with each other. Life will rarely be perfect, so be willing to listen to each other, receive the honest criticism and help. And if one of you needs space because of what’s happening... accept that but don’t take things for granted. Not to say you don’t watch out for your partner slipping into depression or something, but that again, a relationship isn’t static.

Ah... I think that’s it? At least for now. I’ll probably feel stupid for this later, but for now... but I think this is something I’ve thought about for a while and wanted to put out there for people. I know some friends who also have been in relationships for a while, so if you can think of anything I missed or want to suggest? Add on, please.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Twenty-Four: Child’s Play ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

“Man, I’m so bored...is it just me, or is there less and less to do here?”

Sitting across from Naruto, Sasuke idly sips his soda, giving the blond a glance. “What do you mean?”

“Seems like we come to this mall every damn weekend...but it’s all the same stuff!” Leaning his food court chair back on its rear legs and balancing precariously, Naruto weaves fingers behind his head, a lackluster expression on his face. “I wish there was something to do…”

“We don’t have to come here, y’know. Besides, it’s a mall...what do you expect? It’s not like the stores change every time we’re here. And it’s often enough they’re not gonna have brand new stuff.”

“I know, I know...but there’s nothing else to do.”

“Could go back to one of our places and play video games.”

“I’ve played all the ones I’ve got to death, though...maybe I should go look for something new?”

“Sure. Guess I could look, too.”

“Maaan, I wish you had an Xbox...then we could totally play online together!”

“Or you could get a Playstation.”

“But I’ve always had Xbox!”

“And I’ve always had Playstation. You could just have both.”

“Yeah, well so could you! You’ve got that fancy house, and -”

“Some of us are also trying to save something for college,” Sasuke cuts in flatly.

“Then why go get a game?”

“Cuz that’s a lot cheaper than a whole new system. I only get games that’re on sale.”

“But by then they’ve been out for ages!”

“Some people have patience, Naruto,” he rebukes dryly, standing and tossing his empty cup into a trashcan.

“Patience is overrated! You gotta hit life fast, cuz it’ll do the same to you.”

“I’m not that short-sighted.”

The pair then roam toward the nearest game shop, slowing a bit as they find it rather crowded. “Uh...something release today?”

“No idea,” Sasuke replies, trying to look up over the crowd at whatever they’re so jazzed about. “...I can’t see.”

“C’mon, let’s go look!”

Maneuvering their way through, they break into the inner circle to find two systems set up with a new fighting game. It looks like they’re holding impromptu matches to help build up some hype.

“Ooh, I heard’a that game! Supposed to be really good!”

Sasuke glances to a group of cardboard cutouts that depict several of the characters: beefy men and scantily-clad women. His nose wrinkles slightly. How typical…

“I wanna give it a try!”

“Have at it,” the Uchiha mumbles, watching Naruto walk up as the next match ends. His opponent - some short kid with a cocky grin - has clearly gone undefeated for quite some time.

Naruto’s sure to get his butt whooped, but...Sasuke watches anyway. Keen dark eyes follow the movements, flickering over each player’s screen.

In less than three minutes, Naruto’s lost his two of three rounds.

“Aw, c’mon! Gimme a rematch!”

“Let someone else have a turn,” the reigning champ insists. Few, however, seem willing to face him.

“Hey, Sasuke! Give it a go!”

“Why me?”

“Cuz you’re good at games!”

“Does that mean you’re not?”

“Shuddup!”

“Oh!”

Turning, Sasuke perks up at a familiar face. “...hey.”

Hinata pauses a moment before smiling at him. “Hey.”

“What’re you doing here?”

“Picking up a game I ordered!”

Oh, right - she plays a few. “Nintendo?”

“Y...yeah.”

“Cool.”

Not far behind, Sakura elbows her way through the crowd. “Ugh, what a madhouse - what’s all the fuss about?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“New fighting game, I guess,” Sasuke explains, hands in his pockets. “Naruto just got his ass beat.”

“It was close!”

“Uh huh.”

“Looks like a total waste of time,” the rosette mutters, arms crossing.

“Come on Sasuke, give it a try! Wipe that smug look off that jerk’s face,” Naruto growls, clearly still agitated.

“What, am I playing for your honor?”

“No! I just want someone to beat him! I bet you can!”

“That’s not why we came -”

“Do you play fighting games, Sasuke?” Hinata asks.

“Uh...sometimes.” The inquiry catches him off guard.

“Is it very hard?”

“Depends who you’re playing against,” Naruto cuts in.

“Oh...I bet you could beat him!”

Ugh...well now he feels like he has to…

“Just best two out of three!” the blond gushes, grinning ear to ear. “You beat him, I’ll buy whatever game you want.”

A dark brow perks. “...even something full-price?”

“Yeah!”

“...all right.”

Turning as Sasuke steps up, the champ smirks. “Your turn, eh?”

“Guess so.”

The remaining trio gather around his system, two of them cheering him on as Sakura just rolls her eyes. Sasuke takes a moment to pause and glance over the controls. Seems fairly typical.

“Ready?”

“Whenever you are.”

The first match is set, and after a brief countdown, begins. Sasuke quickly lets fingers fly over the controller, eyes flickering over the screen between his fighter and his opponent’s. Opposite him, his foe does the same.

Hinata, having little idea what’s happening, can hardly keep up, mostly just watching the health bars slowly dwindle...and rather evenly.

Utterly focused, Sasuke’s face is set to a steady blank, and only shifts as the first round ends with him as the victor. Naruto gives a whoop.

“Remember, it’s best two outta three,” player two reminds him.

“Yeah, I can count.”

Scowling, he turns back to his screen, taking on a new level of focus. Buttons press in lightning-fast combos, directing kicks, punches, leaps and blocks.

Round two, by a fairly large margin, goes to the champ.

Naruto looks ready to blow steam, but Sasuke doesn’t panic. He’s just about got this guy’s strategy pegged.

“You can do it!” Hinata cheers beside him, earning a glance and a hint of a grin as the final match starts. Both players start out cautious, dancing around the stage and dodging testing blows. And then, Sasuke launches in. By now, he’s got a good feel for both his own character...and the one of his opponent. A powerhouse, but not very speedy...unlike his own. Soon, he’s running circles around him, chipping at his life meter until it finally fades to zero, his own deep in the red.

Gaping at his screen, the (now prior) champ gives him a glance.

Sasuke just smirks. “Child’s play,” he insists as Naruto ruffles his hair in triumph.

“Ya did it! Hell yeah, man!”

“C’mon, let’s get out of the crowd.” The group heads further in, and Sasuke finally pushes Naruto off of him. “All right...you owe me a game, Naruto.”

“Yeah, yeah! Any one you want!”

Turning to Hinata, Sasuke asks, “What are you here to get?”

“Oh, it’s a n-new...Zelda,” she admits sheepishly.

“All right then. Naruto, that’s what I want.”

“Eh?!”

“B-but -?” Hinata tries to ask, only to be cut off.

“I’ve got plenty of games. Besides, I still need to come see you play. You helped me with that zombie one, remember?”

A pause, and then she goes pink.

Naruto shells over the cash, and Hinata beams, clutching the case to her chest. “Yay!”

“Well, I think that’s enough excitement for me for one day,” the blond announces. “I’m gonna head home.”

“Yeah, same.”

“I’ll w-walk with you,” Hinata offers.

“Sure.”

The group leaves together, Naruto and Sakura splitting off before the neighbors make it home.

“You played really well, you know.”

“Yeah, well...I’ve had some practice.”

“With that game…?”

“Nah, just fighters in general. Usually against Shisui and Itachi. They’re both really good, so...guess I’m a little above average after practicing against them.”

Hinata giggles into a sleeve cuff. “I s-see! Did Naruto know that?”

“Nope. And maybe we’ll keep it that way.”

“Okay!”

     Sleepy, so I'll be brief =w=      More of the modern mini series with these adorable dorks as neighbors. And more video games. Sasuke might not have the Sharingan in modern, but he's still got some good eyes x3      Anywho, bedtime! Thanks for reading~

[welcometophu]

Into the Split: Havenhill 7

Twinned Book 3: Into the Split

Havenhill 7

[ Previous | First | Next ]

It takes a couple of days to get the two houses ready for occupants. The remains of Monday and the entirety of Tuesday are spent cleaning both houses from top to bottom. They remove the personal belongings of the Benford family, while ensuring that most of the furniture is in usable conditions. Tables and couches are kept, but beds are replaced with ones that smell fresh and are suitable for the number of occupants. Alia requests that the houses be placed back on their tiny electrical grid, and by late Tuesday night the lights are on and refrigerators hum. The water runs dark at first, but once they let it go for an hour, it’s hot and clear, the pump functioning perfectly to pull water up from the well.

On Wednesday they bring over fresh linens from the main house, then go into town to trade services for goods so that they can have food. They need to be out of the houses while the Mages of Havenhill take care of the cleansing ritual.

While in town, they stop at the school, and Nikolai finds a potential place to fit in within Havenhill. He and Seth agree to tutor a group of teenagers in survivalist skills, and in return those teens will work as a group to teach them the basic history, math, and science that they’ve missed during their years on the road. Seth finds the school library and stuffs his backpack full of books to borrow.

Alaric proves popular with the younger children, letting them climb on his hound’s back, giving them rides around the playground. Mac sits on a bench, quietly grinning as she watches. “He’s so gruff,” she says, “but so good with kids. I’ve seen it before, but every time it makes me smile.”

“It seems like he’s the one with the most to offer here,” Nikolai replies. He feels so inadequate, without any real skills to help keep Havenhill going. Maybe someday, after they’ve learned how to fit in. Maybe they’ll be able to do more than teach survival skills then.

“He grew up here, but in our own world.” Mac pulls her feet up, sits cross-legged. “He was raised to live like this, in an independent society that was halfway to cut off from the world. It wasn’t nearly as big, and they did still have access to stores and they went out into the world for education. But in the end, they all came back and lived in their own little commune. It worked for them. So Alaric fits in because this is what he always thought he’d be doing.”

“It’s easy for him.” Nikolai envies that, in a way. It seems like Alaric was raised in a way that was ready for the calamity of the Split. He wonders if Alaric’s mother is more like Alia than Alia realizes. If she’s preparing for something there that has already happened here.

Mac nods at his words. “It’s harder for all of the rest of us, not just you. We all have to shift our paradigm in some way. For us, it’s realizing that we might be stuck here, and that we can’t just go out and get jobs like we thought we would when we finished college. There’s no government, no big engineering firms, no hospitals. This place is not like we remember. And for you, it’s moving away from running and finding a way to live again.” She smiles slightly. “For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’ve found a home. Nikita’s been a wreck worrying about you ever since she started remembering the dreams. I’m glad we came to save you.”

“Even if it means never getting home again?”

Mac makes a face, drawing her knees up to hug them tight to her chest. “I’m still coming to terms with that part, and I can admit that I’m not entirely sure I’m thrilled trading my life for yours. But I’m not going to say your life isn’t worth it. I was a soldier, once upon a time. I had an entire life built around doing things I didn’t like in order to make sure other people survived.” There’s a darkness in her voice, the way the vowels lengthen and her tone goes soft; Nikolai knows she’s not telling the whole story there.

Still… Nikolai gets it. He knows what it’s like to have his known life suddenly ripped away and not be sure he’d ever get any of it back. He got lucky now. He found Mikhail and Josef, and he thinks he’s on his way to finding his happy ending. “You’ll get home,” he says firmly. She has to believe that, just like Nikolai’s held to the belief that Havenhill exists for all these years.

“Mm.” Mac slowly relaxes, letting her knees fall back down. She leans back, hands behind her head, still watching Alaric and the kids. “If you had the chance to come with us when we leave, would you?”

No.

Yes.

Maybe.

“I think it would depend on a lot of things,” Nikolai says slowly. He doesn’t want to give a gut instinct answer, because he assumes that the question isn’t just idle curiosity. “If Seth would come with me. If I’d have a way back. If you needed me there, or if it’s just Nikita trying to save me again, because in the end, this is my home. It would feel wrong to just abandon it. I might not know exactly what to do with my life yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

“Mm,” is all Mac says in reply, which doesn’t help.

“Nikolai!”

He turns at Nikita’s shout. He leaves one hand outstretched, and Mac takes it, coming to her feet easily beside him. Nearby, Alaric returns to human form and the kids rush off towards the school. “What?”

Nikita runs to meet him, her gait uneven but her ankle mostly recovered from the injury now, thanks to Genevieve’s healing. Heather and Carolyn trail behind her at a brisk walk. “Marybelle radioed to say they’re done with the cleansing rituals.” She raises the small radio to illustrate, tucking it back into a pocket after. “She said Alia and Val are waiting for us at the houses, along with Pawel. We want to try something, and we need you and Seth.”

“Do I even want to know what we’re doing?” Mac asks dryly. She fishes a bandana from her pocket, ties it around her curls to pull them back from her face. “Because after the last time—”

“Exactly. After the last time.” Nikita leans back into Heather’s touch, gestures between herself and Nikolai. “I think we need both of us involved in a ritual to get us back.”

Mac glances at Nikolai; he realizes that this is what she suspected was coming. He knew Nikita wanted to do it, he just wasn’t expecting it right now.

“What if I don’t want to go with you,” he says slowly and it’s not a question. He’s not ready to say yes to that; there are too many factors to make that decision right now.

“We’re not actually planning on going anywhere today.” Nikita swipes that thought away with a flick of her fingers. “We just want to try a ritual to see if we could get through. Alaric won’t be there, so we can’t go through without him, anyway.”

“It’s not like we meant to go through last time,” Alaric mutters. “You didn’t even plan a ritual last time, because if you had, I wouldn’t have been there.”

“Huh? Oh.” Nikita sags towards Heather. “I think that had more to do with me and Del.”

“And you think you can get back without Del?”

There’s a small pause before Nikita stands a little taller, hands on her hips as she disengages from Heather’s hold. Despite being as tall as Nikolai, she still seems small next to Alaric. “I think we have to at least try. I mean, I figured—don’t you miss Chris?”

Alaric takes a step back, and for a moment it looks as if he’s been struck. His gaze drops, and he growls low under his breath. “Meet you at the cars,” he mutters.

“That was rude,” Mac says.

“I didn’t mean—they’re… whatever it is they are.” Nikita turns to watch Alaric walk away, her hands spread in apology. “I’m sorry!” she calls after him. Alaric doesn’t respond as he shifts into the hound and lopes away.

Nikolai is positive he missed something. He’s not sure it’s worth asking what.

Besides, he’s far more worried about this ritual that Nikita is proposing. “Why do you think you need me involved for your ritual? You got here without my help.”

“We had Del,” Carolyn says. “Who isn’t exactly a Dreamwalker, but she’s… something. Several of us are something, which is what’s so complicated. I’ve been doing research on how different traveling Talents could be linked—Teleporters like Mac and Dreamwalkers like you seem to be at opposite ends of a spectrum, and then strange intermediary Talents like me, Del, and Nikita fall between those two poles. Even the Shadows might be linked.”

“That clears up nothing,” Nikolai admits. These people are so intertwined socially that they seem to keep assuming he’s one of them, just because he’s been on the other side of Nikita’s dreams. And while they all seem familiar, in that dreamlike way, he doesn’t actually know them. Or have any idea what Carolyn’s talking about.

“What’s wrong?” Seth’s calm is a familiar wash over his skin, his touch something that Nikolai can relax into as Seth places his hand against the small of Nikolai’s back.

“I’m so confused that I don’t even know if I can explain.” Nikolai glances at where the cars are parked, where Alaric’s hound lies in the sun, one paw over his nose. The back of two cars are open, while Mikhail, Amaranth, and Josef load crates into them. “How did it go getting food?”

“With your family to vouch for us, we have staples for both houses, and some fresh foods as well. Plenty of preserves. Last year’s canning and frozen foods come cheaper than current, so we went with that for the most part,” Seth says. He nudges his glasses up his nose. “It’s all better than what we had on the road, and we’ve got plenty of ingredients to be able to make baked goods on our own. Also, Amaranth and Josef picked out a few basic cookbooks so we can learn how to cook for real since that’s something we’ll want to know.”

“The houses are ready for us, cleansed and everything, and Pawel’s waiting for us to get back,” Nikita says. She takes a step toward the cars, pausing when Heather stops her with a hand. She licks her lips, looks at Nikolai. “Maybe we can make better sense of the ritual when we’re there. When all of us can talk.”

“It’s getting complicated and weird,” Nikolai says, trying to forestall Seth’s questions. Seth’s response is a disgruntled noise, but he lets it go until they’re in the Jeep and alone, aside from Mikhail driving.

“Give me the rundown,” Seth orders, so Nikolai does, to the best of his ability. Seth doesn’t seem any less confused than he does. “Do you think there’s a risk to us?” he asks when Nikolai is done.

“I’m not one for traditional ritual, but it sounds to me like there is,” Mikhail says. “I’ll be blunt: I don’t want to lose you.” He pulls up at the new house to park next to the two other cars that went into town, and Val’s van. He turns around before they can get out of the Jeep. “Be careful, Nik,” he says quietly. “And don’t do anything that’s going to call attention to Havenhill. This is a safe place, and I don’t think Val and Alia want to see the wards broken open just because your friends want to get home. That might be something that needs to be done outside the groves.”

Nikolai makes a sound of agreement, because that all sounds valid. The problem is, he can’t speak for the others, and they haven’t listened to logic before now. He’s not sure they’re going to start.

Seth leans over the seat, his shoulder pressed to Nikolai’s. “When do we get to learn to drive?”

“I can come back and take you out late tomorrow morning,” Mikhail offers. “We’ve got a meeting early so that the Weather Witches can look at the patterns that are building and see what we’re needed for this week, but after that I’m free. Josef and Amaranth need the Jeep to ride the borders first thing in the morning anyway. And eventually we’ll need to look at getting you a car; someone in your group needs transportation.”

Seth runs his hand along the back of the seat. “I like your Jeep. It feels… comfortable. It has a good aura.”

“It’s not human.”

Seth rolls his eyes, elbows Nikolai. “I’m not saying it is. But sometimes objects resonate, and this Jeep is old enough that it does.”

“Josef’s always saying it’s got personality,” Mikhail says dryly. “So you might be right. Still. I’ll teach you to drive in the Jeep, but I’m not giving it to you. We’ll find you something of your own eventually.” He points at where Pawel stands in front of the main house, arms crossed, glaring between Alia and Val and the arriving cars. “I think someone’s waiting for you.” A moment’s hesitation, then, “Be careful. I want you be here when I bring the Jeep over tomorrow to teach you to drive.”

“We will.” Nikolai answers with conviction, refusing to think that it could work out differently. He has no plans to leave, and if the ritual is going to risk that, he won’t help.

Mikhail gets out long enough to pull Nikolai in for a rough hug and one more whisper of, “Be careful,” before he heads out, the Jeep rattling down the road.

Ethan and Alaric come out of the main house, and Ethan waves cheerily. “Everyone’s stuff has been put in their respective houses and rooms. Seth, Nikolai—we washed what we could, and replaced what we couldn’t. Alaric’s already agreed to work with our textiles group to pay that off. Everyone needs clothes anyway, since your friends arrived with just the shirts on their backs.”

“It’s too much,” Nikolai says. It’s too generous when they don’t know him, and when he’s done nothing for them yet. They already owe Havenhill so much.

“It’s what we do for all new arrivals,” Alia assures him. “We have been taking in newcomers for a decade, Nikolai. You are welcome, and you will find your place here.”

“Havenhill is a place for strays,” Val adds. “Don’t worry.”

“I don’t want to be here,” Alaric grumbles. He only makes it two steps before he turns back. “Not Havenhill; I’m grateful for that,” he mutters. “Thanks for taking us in. I don’t want to be around for your ritual. It reeks. Don’t know how you can stand it.” He looks at Alia.

She smiles tightly. “You say you are my child in another world. Am I so strict that you are unable to tolerate magic?”

“I tolerate it better than you,” Alaric says curtly. “But your husband hates Mages and he always taught us that we should, too.”

“Luckily her wife here is a Mage, and that probably helps,” Val replies with a grin, twining her fingers with Alia. “You should stay. It took time for Alia to get used to the feel of magic on her skin, and the scent of it, but most Clan here do fine with it now. We’ve become one community.”

“I’m getting used to it. M’best friend back home is a Mage. One of my best friends, anyway,” Alaric grumbles. “But I still don’t like it. It makes my skin itch, like I can feel it crawling all over me when Rory’s designing rituals. So as long as you aren’t leaving without me, I’m not sticking around.”

“This is just a fact-finding ritual,” Pawel says quietly, arms still crossed and stance tight. “No one is going through.”

“That’s what you said the last time,” Alaric points out. “And look where we are.”

“If we do happen to go through, we know how we did it, so we’ll come back for you,” Nikita says quickly. “No one will be left behind.”

Somehow Nikolai doesn’t find that reassuring. There is this assumption that nothing will happen, but at the same time, there is an underlying understanding that it went wrong before, and it could easily go wrong again. He reaches blindly for Seth’s hand, tangles their fingers tightly when he finds him.

“I want all the travelers involved,” Carolyn says. She points to the space in front of her. “That means Nikita, with Heather to anchor her, and Nikolai, with Seth. Me. Mac. Mattie.”

“Sakura and I will hold the wards,” Val says. Nikolai hadn’t even noticed Sakura until Val mentioned her, standing on the edge of the clearing in front of the house. She’s close to the edge of the grove, which, if she’s doing something with the wards, makes sense. Just like on the first day they met, Sakura is dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, with mid-calf boots on her feet, but no jacket. Her feet are spread, her arms loose by her side, and her gaze narrows when she hears her name. She nods once.

“And Jefferson will be out soon,” Val adds.

Nikolai isn’t positive why there’s a Giver of Pain involved, although he can make a guess. Jefferson is probably a failsafe, in case something needs to be violently disrupted.

It doesn’t help the unease he feels about the whole situation.

“Alaric, come with me,” Ethan says, gesturing toward the edge of the grove, past Sakura, where a path leads through the trees. “Let me show you around the grounds some more, so you can see how this place is different from where you grew up. It might help settle the beast under your skin.” He flashes a quick grin. “A little help settling can’t be a bad thing, right? Let’s get you relaxed.”

Ethan tilts his head, and Alaric growls softly at the line of throat exposed.

“Ethan,” Val says quietly, and Ethan shifts his posture back to something more neutral.

“It’s just a walk,” Ethan assures Alaric. “We’ll get you away from the magic, then you can relax. Right?”

Nikolai isn’t sure what Alaric’s more nervous about: the feel of the magic, or the idea that he might be left behind. “No one’s going anywhere,” Nikolai says, his hand tight in Seth’s, just in case that’s the bigger worry. “We need to stay here. We belong here.” He tries to sound confident, despite his own worries.

Alaric huffs, and takes a step back, head ducked. He exhales, then stands up straight, crossing his arms. He makes a noise low in his throat, before dropping to all fours to become the bear and lumbering away.

“I’ve got him,” Ethan says, following quickly after.

“And we’ve got this,” Nikita says cheerfully.

Nikolai isn’t sure, but he doesn’t contradict her. Someone has to believe it’s going to work out the way they need it to.

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[ask-joeydrewstudios]

Becoming Human (Chapters One, Two, and Three)

((quick mun note: im hella behind on submissions (sorryyyy!!! i’ll get to them all soon I promise ; w ; but for now here’s part of a fic I received that I’ve decided to condense into one post just for convenience, written by an anonymous user! also feel free to shoot me now for this joke but toons: become human. okay anyway hERE’S THE FIC--))

(All Credit goes to the mun)

Chapter One:

Bendy shut the door behind him carrying something in his hands. Boris and Alice were seated on the floor “Ok I managed to get it out before papa drew noticed.” he flopped the book on the floor Alice frowned “I’m still not sure this is a good idea.” Bendy opened the book “Do you want to be cooped up here forever?” Alice shook her head. Bendy nodded “Then were doing this.” He turned to Boris “Go ahead buddy.” Boris got up and started to drew a circle around the floor “Good.” he turned to Alice she sighed and took out the candles. Bendy placed the book in the middle “Ok and now…” he took out the ink and poured it on the page. Boris walked into circle and did the same. Alice looked at the bottle then to the page she sighed and proceeded to the middle “I hope this works.” she poured the ink on to the page. They stepped back “And now we wait.” Alice frowned “For how long?” Bendy shrugged “I don’t know.”

Lately the toons were beginning to feel trapped. It started when they heard people talking about there plans when they got out of work, what they did on vacation and so much more. At first the toons had tried to ignore the conversation then it became much more. The toons were aware they were immortal but…the thought of outliving everyone they ever loved was beginning to bother them some more. So here they were sitting in the circle waiting for their transformation began. Joey sighed as he read over the expense report Maybe I should switch to cheaper coffee? Or I could make a full length movie after all they seem to do we-A loud thundering crash was heard Joey dropped the files and ran directly to where the sound had been emitted. When the bright light had dissipated Bendy, Boris, And Alice unshielded there eyes and looked at the book. The ink was gone. “Did it-whoa Alice-” She looked up not to see her brother but a young boy in a dark shirt and bowtie wearing an equally dark shorts “B-bendy?” he looked at her still in shock. Alice looked down gone was her inky tone but now it was a pleasant fair-skinned one she touched her hair “My halo!” She looked in the mirror A white hairband was neatly placed over her hair. “Boris?” they both turned gone was his fur and now was just a neat boyish face. his hair was matted and wore a nice black shirt with a white tie.

They heard a knock at the door “Kids? is everything ok? Kids!” Bendy locked the door “Were fine papa drew.” Alice mouthed to him ‘What re we going to do?’ he shrugged. On the bright side they were thrilled to be human on the downside…how would Joey react? Hesitation “Bendy did you take my book?” Bendy looked at his siblings “Um…Well…” he hesitated “How many times have I told you not to mess with the book?” Bendy sighed “Sorry Papa.” hesitation “Well just give it back and we’ll call it a day ok?” Boris shook his head. Finally Alice spoke up “Um…Papa Drew we have something to show you.” Joey sighed “Well what is it?” he tried the door, it was lock “Do you promise not to be mad at us?” Boris asked Joey sighed whatever the toons had done it couldn’t have been to bad “I promise.” he heard some whispering then with a couple sighs the door was unlocked. Joey looked at the toons…except they weren't toons anymore, they were children

(All Credit goes to the mun, and yes this is a fluffy story but it might not stay fluffy)

Chapter Two:

They looked at their father sheepishly. It took Joey a few moments to find his voice “You-Your-” Alice stepped in “Please don’t be mad we made this decision together, no one was forced.” Bendy and Boris nodded in agreement. Joey looked at them silently Boris looked about 12, Bendy 9, and Alice 8. Well to be fair they were made differently but why was Boris older? Did it matter? they were still his children “Then I support your choice.” He opened his arms for a hug in which the toons (Er Kids)  accepted. That night he decided to drive over to Henry’s house to let him in on the news. Needless to say Henry was surprised. They were now seated on the couch while they’re father made tea (Dianne was out with the baby)  “So…” Henry started “What made you decide to become human?” Alice was the first to speak up “You know…Curiosity.” Alice lied. Henry looked at her “Well I mean everyone else was human so we wanted to live like humans.” Boris nodded. Henry smiled softly “Well of course I support this decision…But you know being human isn’t all…” He paused well they were still children “Well we can have that talk when you get older in the meantime."  he smiled "We’ll have to get you some more clothes, Alice maybe Susie can take you shopping.” she smiled “Really!” Henry nodded “Really.” He looked over to Bendy and Boris “And I suppose I could take you shopping.” Boris and Bendy smiled.

Joey came back in with the tea “You still have to follow the same rules.” he sat down by Henry “Bendy, I don’t think you changed that much so no pranking Sammy if he’s really busy.” He turned to Boris “That goes for you too no mischief if its really busy.” he then turned to Alice handing her tea “Keep an eyes on things my little angel.” Alice smiled but thought “Do we still have to voice act?” Joey nodded “After all Bendy, Alice, And Boris are still you but only if your actors aren’t available.” Bendy thought for a moment “What if no one else accepts this.” Henry nearly spat out his tea. Joey smiled “Well somehow I can think of a couple people who won’t mind.” He could already hear the music directors happy cheer. Henry spoke up “And besides, your still the toons we know and love, except human.” Joey nodded putting the tea down “Although you will have to do what normal kids do.” Bendy looked at him “Like what?” Joey smiled “Well…”

As predicted the next morning everyone was pretty much surprised to see the toons had turned into children. Sammy of course was more than thrilled (mostly because he thought the pranks would stop or at the very least be less disruptive.) Wally offered to teach them how to wash their hands (Because after all they weren’t cartoons anymore) and Susie was delighted at the prospect of being able to take Alice shopping. All and all everyone was more than accepting. However as everyone went to work the kids decided to explore with their new human bodies. Alice looked at her hair curiously in the mirror “I wonder what’ll happen if I style it now?” She looked at the clock “I’ll ask Susie later.” she went to catch up with her brothers. They went down to the break room “Anyone else kind of thirsty?” Bendy asked. Boris and Alice nodded “What are we supposed to drink?” Boris asked. They looked over to the sink “Water?” Bendy suggested. Alice looked at the sink “It won’t make us sick will it?” Bendy scoffed “Of course not were human remember.” Alice frowned “We’ll need cups.” Boris walked to the cabinet. They each took a cup and put some water in it “ Ok 1,2,3!” they took a sip. “Wow that is really good.” the other two agreed.

By the time lunch rolled around Sammy had set something down in front of the kids “You need to eat more than that bacon soup stuff so here.” they opened the bags “What is this?” Sammy sat down “Vegetables.” they looked at each other “Vegetables?” he sighed “How else you going to grow up.” Boris cocked his head “Grow up?” Sammy sighed “Look I don’t have time for this ask Joey.” he got up and walked away. They looked at each other “Well then I guess we did it right.” Bendy smiled but then looked down at the vegetables “So um…” Alice sighed “It’s good for us.” after lunch the kids decided to sit up at the projector with Norman happily watching their toon selves. “Hey Norman?” he looked at him “Hmm?” Bendy pointed to the cartoon “How come humans can’t do that?” Norman smiled “Well we don’t have that capabilities.” they looked at each other “Oh.” Boris tilted his head “Why?” Norman sighed “Well…” He wasn’t sure how to explain this…Luckily the kids went back to the cartoons.

That night Joey tucked his children into bed “How about tomorrow we go out maybe go to the park, get some dinner?” Boris smiled “I love that.” Bendy nodded “I love that to.” He pulled the blankets over to them and smiled “Goodnight boys I love you.” he kissed their foreheads. He then went to Alice’s room and told her the plans “I think that’s splendid.” she frowned “But who will take over?” Joey smiled “Henry will of course tomorrow it’ll just be the four of us.” Alice hugged Him “I love you papa.” Joey smiled “I love you to my little angel.” He kissed her forehead and shut the door. He sighed and went over to his office.

 (All Credit Belongs To The Mun)

Chapter Three:

Joey woke up to a sudden scream. Immediately he ran over to Alice’s bedroom. She was sitting on her bed staring at her hair. Joey tried to hold back a slight giggle and went over to her bedside. He spent 15 minutes brushing her hair “Better?” Alice looked in the mirror “Thanks Papa Drew.” he smiled. Boris woke up curled up at the foot of the bed “Oh.” he blushed a deep shade of red and got up walking over to Bendy’s bed waking him up. They sat down at the breakfast table Joey had made three bowls of oatmeal “I’ll be right back ok.” they nodded. Henry yawned making his way over to his desk. “Good morning Henry do you have a moment?” Henry sighed and rubbed his glasses “Sure what is it?” Joey smiled “Do you think you can watch the studio?” Henry looked surprised “How long?” Joey smiled nervously “You know maybe for a day?” Henry was confused but looked to see the kids “Sure. You taking them out?” Joey nodded “Well…” Henry smiled softly “It’s fine go ahead.” Joey went from nervous to hopeful “You sure?” Henry nodded “I’m sure we’ll be fine here.” Joey was more than happy “Oh Henry thank you so much!"

The kids got up and put their bowls in the sink "Ok ready to go?” Bendy and Boris nodded Alice smiled “Lets go.” they met Joey by the office door “Were ready papa drew!” Joey smiled “Alright then lets go.” a while later they were in the car again heading to the park. Joey smiled at their wonder knowing today was going to be a busy day. They went to the park where Boris and Bendy went off to play. Alice in the meanwhile stuck near her father taking the time to look around and appreciate her surroundings. After a few moments Joey looked up to see the boys talking to other kids. He smiled then came to a realization and rushed over. “So yeah we live with-” Before Bendy could finish Joey grabbed his hand “Heh excuse us.” the two women eyed him cautiously. He pulled Bendy to the side “What did you tell them?” Bendy tilted his head “About my brother and sister.” Joey sighed in relief then sternly said “Bendy do not tell them who you were before or anything about the studio ok?” Bendy looked at him “Why?” Joey sighed then looked him in the eye “I just don’t want anything to happen to you ok?” Bendy nodded and went over again to play. Joey sighed.

Come lunchtime they decided to head over to the diner near the studio. Bendy, Alice and Boris immediately ran over to the swivel chairs and sat down. Joey smiled before going to join them. They ordered their lunch and waited around. Bendy looked over to see a boy his age sitting by his mother. Bendy smiled and waved the child waved back the woman looked over and stopped in shock she whispered something and the child ran over to where they were seating “Excuse me sir are you Joey Drew?” Joey smiled “That would be me.” of course what that started were the next three minutes being people lined up for either an autograph or a complaint about his show no in between. Alice, Bendy, and Boris were almost touched by how many people seemed to care about the show. After lunch he took them to see a movie. After that they came back to the studio. Alice smiled at Joey “Thank you for today Papa Drew.” Boris and Bendy cried in unison “Yeah thanks Papa Drew.” He smiled as they ran off to play some more.

Susie had stopped him on the way to his office to drop off a couple bags having Sammy bring in a couple more “Just figured they would need to have more than one article of clothing.” Sammy sighed “Yeah…Well mostly cause I…” Susie elbowed him “Am more than happy to help the toons…er kids.” Joey looked at the bags “Well thank you both that is awfully kind thing for you to do.” Susie smiled “Think nothing of it Mr.Drew were happy to help anyway we can.” Sammy thought of something “Oh and Shawn had a couple rejects he fixed up for them something about kids needing the basic toys of childhood.” They went to leave then Susie turned “Oh and Wally brought them candy and soda so…Just be careful of how much they have with that the couple. Left, Joey was happy for the support and hand me downs given by the employees but for some reason his heart felt incredibly heavy. He was glad the to-kids were getting to live a normal life-But something about the ritual still worried him, though he didn't know what.

(( Aww this is so wholesome! I feel bad for the toons though, because of their reasons for wanting to be human and understanding what’s going to inevitably happen thanks to their immortality ; w ; But, at least they can enjoy being human for now, and it’s so nice to see how quick everyone was to help Joey n his “new” kids xD And I can see Susie seems pretty excited about them too, which is adorable. Bit of a cliffhanger at the end there though, makes me worry about what might be in store ; w ; thank you for the fic!!))

[shelbywanders]

Less than $100/wk on groceries?!

If you’re anything like me, you don’t like wasting your money. You have to get your money’s worth, or it’s not worth it at all. One of my biggest struggles was grocery shopping. I HATED spending so much money on food that would just be gone in a couple of days! Dropping $200 on food a week was NOT my cup of tea, but hey, you have to eat! And grocery stores are just so tempting...

Right now, it’s just me & my fiance that eat the food. We have a four-month-old who is exclusively breastfed, and we also use cloth diapers, so we literally don’t spend any money on her when it comes to groceries! I know, love it while it lasts, right?! Even though it’s just the two of us, we were still spending way too much for my liking on groceries. But now I’ve gone from paying almost $200 a week on groceries to less than $100. And when I mean groceries, that includes all household items and toiletries. So really, I spend about $50-$60 on just food a week! How do I do it? Well honestly, there’s not a lot of tricks to it!

First things first, what are we eating this week? That’s the first question I ask myself when I go to make my grocery shopping list. Wait, back up. You don’t make a list? There’s your first problem! 

Lists are VITAL to spending less money at the grocery store. Lists aren’t just great to remember things that you need to get. They serve other purposes too! I easily spend 50 bucks over my budget if I go into the store without a list prepared so now I won’t be caught dead without one. You might think that it’s silly to need such a thing, I mean come on. You’re an adult. Lists are for children. No! Listen, lists help keep my life together! When we go to the store, our eyes wander everywhere. They land on things that tempt us. You really didn’t plan on buying donuts at the store, but you spotted some, and they look soooo good..now you want them! When you write down only the things that you need, it’s easier to bypass the things that tempt you in the store. When you’re shopping from a list, your attention is focusing on the things on the paper. Therefore, you spend money on only the things you need this week and less on random items that just catch your attention when you don’t know exactly what you need. It might seem crazy that just a simple task like making a list can save you money, but you would be surprised! If you currently don’t make a list before you shop, I highly suggest to try it out and see how it goes for you! 

So now we know we need to make a list. But what goes on it? It’s time to make a menu! It’s easy to forget things when we just make a list out of thin air. This is where Pinterest comes in so handy. Pinterest is a social media platform where people share recipes, home decoration ideas, inspiration for crafts and so much more. The first thing I do is get on over to Pinterest to help come up with new and easy recipes for dinners. I plan out my days and decide on what we’re going to have each day. 

I am a sucker for cheap and easy meals. I mean, I have a baby, and I don’t have time to cook a dinner that takes an hour to prep and then another hour to cook. I have come up with so many dinners that are less than $10, and pretty much all of them take less than 30 minutes to make from start to finish. Some dishes take an hour to cook, but only a few minutes to prep. Those types of meals are my favorites! The only reason why I suggest Pinterest is because if you’re like me, I am not creative in the kitchen. I can cook just about anything, but if I don’t have a recipe, I have no idea where to start! I also hate having the same things over and over again, it just gets boring! It’s so easy for me to go onto Pinterest, search cheap dinner recipes and find so many different recipes to try out that don’t break the bank and help switch it up a bit to keep things fun and exciting in the kitchen! 

Once I find my 7 dinner meals, I go to each one of them, and that’s how I form my list. I figure out what I need for each meal, take out what I already have at home and configure a shopping list from that. This way, I’m not just buying random things that I think I might or might not use this week. After I make my list from the recipes, I go back and add the rest of the foods I know we’ll need and then all the rest like household items and toiletries. Things that I usually add for example would be like eggs, milk, and bread. Cereal for breakfasts and lunch meat for lunches. You know, things that we use every week and that I know I need to buy no matter what the menu is. 

I do realize that many people do this with their shopping lists. They know what they want to make, so people make a list of things that they need to get so that they can make it. It’s not unheard of! I used to do this too, but I would never make an actual menu for the whole week and plan my entire day out foodwise. Until I started to do that, I was still spending more money than what I wanted. 

Making your menu

It doesn’t stop there! When I make my menu for the week, not only do I try to find cheap and easy recipes to follow, I try to find things that the items that I buy for one recipe will be used in another recipe too. For example, if I plan on making chili one night and I need to buy say, tomatoes, onions, and ground beef for it, I know I want to also make tacos another night so that I can use half of the tomatoes, onions and ground beef that I bought for chili for tacos too! I can buy one bigger can of tomatoes for .89 cents and split it and use it for two different meals. It’s all about looking at different recipes and seeing how you can save yourself a couple of bucks by buying bigger packages of items but using them for multiple meals. 

Doing your shopping

Stores are different around the world. In my city, the biggest grocery stores that we have are Walmart, Kroger, Meijer and Aldi’s. I have shopped at all of them to compare them, and I always come back to Kroger and Aldi’s. When I do my shopping, I buy everything except protein (all the meats) at Kroger and I buy my protein at Aldi’s. Why? Because have you been to Aldi’s before?! Their protein is super cheap! Sure, it might sound annoying having to go to two different places for groceries, but I save $50 bucks easily by getting my protein at Aldi’s rather than just getting them at Kroger. So don’t be afraid to check out other grocery stores in your area and compare and contrast the prices! It might be worth it to go to two different places if you’re saving money! It is to me. 

When I shop, I always buy the generic version as they are pretty much always the cheaper option. I know, the word generic sounds ugly. But honestly, most of the generic versions are still basically the same as the fancy name brand stuff! Besides, I just can’t get myself to buy something that is X amount of money when I know there’s a cheaper option available. But that’s just me! I mentioned earlier that I don’t do any couponing. Every now and then, I’ll have a coupon that I’ll use but other than that I don’t use any. Should I? Probably! But what I do pay attention to is sales. Sales! Sales! Sales! Kroger has a lot of great deals which helps my budget a lot. Never ignore the sales! 

Getting home

Wait, you mean there’s more to saving money after the shopping is done? Yes! You’ve done your shopping, you’re tired, you’re ready for a bath & some wine, but you have more money saving things to do! When I used to grocery shop, I would buy one of those big things of chicken breasts (you know, the ones that look like this)

And I would just keep it like that. It wasn’t until I started portioning out my meats (therefore portioning all my meals out) that I started saving a lot of money. Not only do I portion all my meats out, but I also cut them in half. I mean those chicken breasts are HUGE! I buy the big thing of chicken, take each chicken breast and slice em in half and make twice as many meals as leaving them whole! And trust me, they are still big enough for a meal! I portion them out for two in a freezer bag. When we need to buy pork, we always buy a pork loin and then I cut them into chops if I need them or just leave it as a loin. I do the same thing when I portion them. Each meal gets its own bag. With a pork loin that costs 5-10 bucks (depending on the sale that week), you can make 3-4 meals out of it! When I need to buy ground beef, I buy the big 5 lb rolls and cut them in thirds or in half, depending on what I am using the beef for.  These are just some examples of what I do with the meats I buy! 

The last time I went to Aldi’s, I spent $11 on a pack of chicken breasts. They are huge, so we cut them in half, and after portioning them out, we had 11 meals! 11 meals for $11?! Yes, please! Not only does portioning the meals out help save you money, but it also makes thawing and preparing meals a lot easier too because all you have to do is take a bag out the freezer and into the fridge to thaw. No sorting out your meals or having to think about how much of what you’ll need. 

So there it is! How I spend less than $100 a week on groceries! No tricks or couponing. Just planning and organizing your week makes such a difference in the money that you’re spending! To end this blog off, I wanted to include an example menu & list that I would use at my house to give you all a visual. 

Menu

Mon- Oven Baked Meatball Sandwiches

Tues- Creamy Swiss Chicken Bake w Buttered Noddles

Wed- Garlic Rosemary Pork Loin w Green Beans & Mashed Potatoes

Thurs- Chili

Fri- Chicken Enchiladas w White Sour Cream Sauce 

Sat- Pulled Pork Sandwiches 

Sun- Lemon Buttered Tilapia over Rice 

List

Bread for subs, pasta sauce, mozzarella, ground beef. Noodles, butter, mayo, parm cheese, sour cream, swiss cheese, chicken. Garlic, rosemary leaves, green beans, mashed potatoes (instant), pork loin. Tomatoes, onion, tomato sauce, ground beef, cheddar cheese, chili seasoning packet. Chicken broth, green chilies, tortillas, butter, mozzarella, sour cream, chicken. Hamburger buns, bbq, Worcestershire sauce, onion, chicken broth, garlic, brown sugar, pork. Lemon juice, butter, rice, tilapia. 

As you can see, there are several items for each recipe that repeats itself. I’ll use the big ground beef for both meatball sandwiches and chili. I’ll use sour cream in the swiss chicken and chicken enchiladas, also use the mozzarella with the meatball sandwiches and enchiladas, also the butter in a ton of dishes... you get the picture! All these recipes are very different from each other yet contain a lot of the same ingredients that you can use for multiple purposes.

I’ll add on any extras like cereal, milk, eggs, bread, and other drinks. Add the household things that I might need like laundry or dish detergent and then toiletries, like shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant. And then there’s my list! This was actually my grocery shopping list a few weeks ago. I spent less than $100 on it all! 

Other comments & tips! 

I realize that many people have bigger families to feed, but that’s okay! All of this can still help you. Most of the meals that I make, while there are only 2 of us, they could definitely feed more like 4 people. I make a lot so that I have leftovers that I can quickly heat up for lunch the next day! 

The thing I like the most about making lists from menus is that it is super customizable. If your budget is $200 a week, you can make a more extravagant list. If you have time in your life to make more time-consuming recipes, you can change up your menu with more ingredients too! Just because I personally like to stick with simple but tasty and fast recipes, doesn’t mean you have to! 

While I tend to buy generic items, there are plenty of ways to spice them up! I almost always buy instant mashed potatoes (I know some will cringe at this) but just add some salt & pepper, butter, garlic & sour cream & a tiny bit of cream cheese, you would think it was homemade! I buy the $1 jars of pasta sauce, add some garlic, Italian seasoning, parmesan cheese & bam! So much tastier and it’s so easy to do! 

If you’re interested in the recipes that I love to make (All under $10 and 30 minutes or less to cook!) make sure to follow me on my Pinterest to see what I pin! 

https://www.pinterest.com/shelbywanders

Thank you so much for reading! I love saving money and love to help other people do it too! After all, saving money = happy life! 

[critrolecloset]

FAQ

q: why haven’t you responded to my request or general question?

a: i’m either busy, am actively looking for what you requested, or waiting for the right time to answer or post your question! hang tight. i read everything, i promise.

q: i submitted something i found, but you didn’t respond and/or posted the item without crediting me. why?

a: there are numerous reasons why this could’ve happened. 

i get a lot of submissions for things i’ve already found on my own and have queued up.

your source was incorrect. :(

someone else found the piece and submitted it before you. i credit whoever messages me first. (keep in mind that not everyone wishes to be credited, though.)

i will always respond and offer credit when someone tracks down a garment that i’m stumped on or haven’t gotten to yet. please don’t feel ignored or slighted if i post something that has already been found! i really do appreciate the help no matter what.

q: how do i know if my source is correct?

a: read this! sourcing is very important to me, so please take an extra few minutes to make sure you aren’t giving me the link to a wrong (and often stolen) design.

q: do you accept requests/submissions for guest stars or people like brian w. foster and dani carr?

a: absolutely! i ran an instagram poll and 95% of the 500 people who voted were interested in seeing more people within the critical role circle featured. i’m working on including them more in the feed, so stay tuned.

q: there’s something i remember seeing a cast member wearing, but i don’t know what episode it’s featured in. can i still make a request?

a: yes. i get that we’ve all seen a shirt we loved, but just can’t remember where or when we saw it. try to give me as much information as possible. who wore it, what the design was, etc. even if you don’t remember the episode number, telling me that it’s around the time vox machina visited the feywild at least gives ms a window. requests with little-to-no information usually fall to the bottom of my list, so the more specific you are, the better.

q: there’s something i want to find through the tags, but it’s a popular item the cast member has worn numerous times. how can i find it?

a: i plan on going back and editing posts to include the tags of each episode the garment is worn in. it’s kind of a tedious process, but hopefully this account will be around for a long time and i need some way of tracking popular items. please bear with me as i will be slowly add in these tags.

q: how do you choose what to post?

a: there are a number of things that go into how i queue things. switching it up between cast members is the most important, followed by the type of garment, style, price, and availability. i basically try to mix things up to keep it exciting and inclusive for everybody.

i’m also working backwards, mainly because the streaming quality has improved so much over time. i would rather screencap something worn in episode c1e100 quality than episode c1e10 quality, if that makes sense. it may be a while until i post things from super early episodes. 

q: why do you post things that are no longer available or out of stock?

a: things can always come back or be restocked, plus there are always outlets like poshmark and ebay where you can buy the items secondhand. i got a $40 shirt laura wore for $6 on poshmark! don’t feel discouraged if you see something that’s no longer on its main site, a little patience and digging on the internet go a long way.

q: is there anything you won’t post?

a: i will not post anything worn by orion acaba and this was decided by an overwhelming community vote. other than that, i am very open to anything.

q: will you ever post items that are similar but not exact to what the person is wearing? maybe cheaper versions as well?

a: at this time, i am pretty determined about being 100% accurate, but i have given a lot of thought into eventually including “dupes”. i get that not everyone can buy $180 overalls, so i might try to find a similar and more affordable version. we’ll see! i just need time to figure that all out. i’ve also ran polls to see if people would be interested in some non-related fun posts (ex: what the mighty nein would wear in real life) and everyone has seemed very open to it.

q: i designed something critical role related, can you share it for other critters to see?

a: i am all about supporting my fellow critters, but at this point, i will only share those things occasionally on twitter and instagram stories. i want the main account feed to stay consistent and focus on what the cast members have worn themselves. plus it’s kind of a “if i feature one person, i have to feature everyone” type of situation and the last thing i want to do is hurt people’s feelings.

q: what can i do to be more involved and helpful?

a: so many of you have reached out to me and i’m beyond grateful for it! i will occasionally post about items that i’m stumped on and need help from others to find. as always, submissions and requests are heavily encouraged.

If any of you still have questions, please let me know. This post will be consistently updated when needed.

[italicwatches]

I Couldn’t Become a Hero, so I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job - Episode 01

I regret nothing. …Well, I say that now. I’m not entirely sure if this show will be any good, but it’s one whose title has had me curious for a while. Will it be silly and fun, or will it, I don’t know, turn super rapey or something? You never really know when you go down this road. So join me, won’t you? it’s I Couldn’t Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job, episode 01! Here we GO!

-We begin with fire and brimstone. A volcano erupting! And then, to a temple ruins! It’s a scene right out of an incredibly anime version of Jason and the Argonauts, as our armored hero fights against a batch of skeleton w…knights, only for a harpy to come swinging in! He’s saved by a woman…in…

-Okay it’s one of these.

-Because that wouldn’t even qualify as Sexy Samurai in a decade-old shitpost video. So our hero, Raul Chaser, is willing to rely onYUP THERE GOES HER ARMOR. So she’s like Darkness but without the joke that she’s into this kind of treatment. A small army of skeletal archers pour on the arrows…When lightning comes down from the skies, brought by their other companions! Fight, war, and reach the giant leading this army! Strike him down, and they pass the exam! The woman races in, sprints up the giant’s arm, rams her fucking sword into his EYE…

-And Raul backs her up with his RAUL SLASH, carving deep through…

-Hard cut to the light of day. The hero school has been shut down. Demon Lord got defeated(probably by some fucker from another world), sooooo they don’t need to keep training brave heroes. They’re all fucked. They’re fuuuuuucked.

-Episode 01: I Couldn’t Be a Hero, so I’m Working the Register

-Hard cut to the Leon Magic Shop, where Raul has to sell suburban couples on enchanted washing machines. Magically guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn stains! But they’re not interested.

-TITTIES.

-Meet a perky bubbly young lady, Nova, who does not realize how sexualized she is. I’m sorry. Anyways, Raul is in a bit of a bind, too, since he hasn’t gotten a raise and his credit card bill is coming up this week…When a nerd comes in looking for some vintage cassette tapes. You’re in luck, they have some…! And suddenly the store is mobbed by vintage audio enthusiasts here to buy out the entire stock. Then they’re gone as fast as they came…

-And you know what, I don’t think those tapes are super vintage. I just spotted totally-not-Kodak film behind the counter. I think this is just set in the 80s-90s equivalent of this world. Plus, after a hoodie-clad blonde comes in, the CRT television in the corner plays Conveniently Timed News about how the cassette maker I-ONE has gone out of business! They just couldn’t hold their own against cheaper, ‘good enough’ cassettes and equipment from the competition while still making a profit. It’s a legitimate tragedy whenever that happens.

-And the blonde is getting mad and wants them to get the manager right now…Which is when Nova runs off to handle inventory. Escape, Nova, escape while you can! So Raul is forced to do it…Which is when the blonde slams a resume down. And is here for an interview. When the blonde forgets the resume…And so Raul’s able to read it, and holy shit.

-Raul bursts into the interview room with the resume, because you cannot seriously be thinking of hiring the demon lord’s child, right boss? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?! You literally wrote it on your resume. W, Well, you’re supposed to tell the truth on those, aren’t you?! Anyways, busty lady boss has decided that Fino here will be joining the shop. It’ll be a good experience! Fino, Raul. Raul, Fino. Please get along.

-So soon Fino’s in the store, looking at all the stuff, and there’s some really cool things that humans have made. Like magicvision, and magic cassettes, and magic…You know what I’m just going to spoil it for you now. It’s 80s-90s level tech, made with magic. I’m not going to bother to specify anymore. It’s a fuckin’ TV, it’s cool that it works because of fairy dust or whatever but I’m calling it a TV. Anyways Fino never had a personal TV growing up in the Demon Castle, and is all oooooh and aaaah.

-Well, you know what else you didn’t have growing up in the Demon Castle? A broom. Get sweeping, rookie. …Yes sir! And then Convenient News comes back on to talk about the anniversary event for the demon lord’s defeat two years ago. Quick flashback, to how that day totally fucked Raul’s life. A young man, two steps away from a degree in a job that literally no longer existed overnight. His entire party was shattered. They’re stuck in dead-end jobs and with crushing college debt, and nothing to show for it except broken dreams and a bitter envy of those who actually benefitted from the changing order…

-…Damn. That’s…Damn.

-Eventually it’s later in the day, and Raul is continuing to struggle with getting Fino to, you know, work like a proper employee…Also shocking twist Fino has long lovely hair. And that’s when a rough, tough…Dirty old man comes in off his slick dragon-pulled hotrod. And he’s here to peek up Nova’s skirt and grope that ass. Fino immediately decides this shit has to be stopped…When the old man reveals he’s gonna be buying a lightbulb. One lightbulb. Every time. The perfect excuse. And now Fino is…Shall we say, confused. Are humans like dogs? Is butt stuff just part of the communication?

-Does Fino need to bend over? Fino stop bending over. FINO NO. FINO PUT YOUR BUTT AWAY. NOVA DON’T ENCOURAGE THIS.

-Lunch break, at last. Raul is able to sit down and have some food from the convenience store…A place with some old friends who worry about the dork, and look after each other.

-Back in the store, the boss is talking to her assistant manager, Viser, and trying to explain her disinterest in bringing in another company into the shop…When they spot Raul working with Fino at the register, over the security cameras. And cut down to the actual register, where Raul’s decided that the actual core of Fino’s problems is a lack of respect. Rethink everything. Back to zero. This job means they are lesser than the customer. Yeah it sucks. Deal with it.

-…Fino doesn’t know how to do that. Well try on Raul. Okay! …Fino you’re being demonic again. This isn’t a battle, you stupid dork. Are you a chuuni or just stupid?

-Fino is just trying to copy how Dad used to talk! Your dad was, literally, a demon king. THE demon king. There is, quite literally, no worse example you could mimic for this lesson! …You know what, start with the manual. But first, come on, to the repair room. They also do repair work.

-Oooh, what’s that? It’s a toaster oven. And that?! A humidifier. And…And Fino touches the humidifier, and causes a surge of water, electricity and magical energy that knocks the poor idiot into the far wall! Raul’s stuck carrying Fino into the break room to figure out a plan that doesn’t involve calling a doctor and getting into trouble, and oh, great, a note from literally everyone else who works today listing their reasons they’re not here right now. Awesome. Just awesome.

-Right, first step, get these ruined clothes off of Fino. …Fino was not wearing anything under that hoodie. And that’s how a pair of big, bountiful, ladylike breasts come wobbling out.

-And that’s when Fino wakes up.

-So.

-This isn’t great for either party. And both of them are having a freakout, until the actual events that happened get all laid out. …Please put some fresh clothes on, Fino.

-And eventually, it’s the tail end of Fino’s first day, and she gets to have a uniform! Now sweep the walkway. By hand. With this broom. Welcome to working life, kid. When a sweet old lady passes by praising her hard work, and Fino thanks her, and the kid might just do okay in this world. Maybe.

-Night comes, and Raul stops at the convenience store for dinner, having a brief chat…But as he walks by the shop on his way home, the lights are on?

-Because Fino is in the back, washing down by hand in the sink?! What are you DOING?! She’s got no house, so this is her house now. …That’s not…That isn’t…You can’t just…Do you have any idea how terrible dish soap is for hair and skin? I’d question focusing on that angle over all the other things Fino’s done wrong here, but at the same time, I mean, there comes a point where you just have to find the smallest bite of the elephant.

-And as Raul helps her dry and generally make herself presentable, they end up talking about their own pasts. Raul, who came from a tiny village only to see all the great marvels of modernity in the city, and Fino who lived an even less modern life in the castle…Despite everything, there is a connection of friendship there, and Fino’s starting to learn human society. She might just do okay here yet.

-Credits!

-Aftercredits! Fino touches the turbo button on the hair dryer and…Uh…It makes a biiiiig boom. She has a scary amount of magic in a world that runs on the stuff.

Hmmmm. Well, it’s not so bad that I’m gonna drop it, but man, the fan service in this one is dense…And a lot of it is pure camera-work, too, not actions actually willingly undertaken by characters. It’s honestly a shame. There’s a lot of interesting conceptual meat in this. It really didn’t need big bouncing tits and panty shots everywhere to be a good show.

Oh well. Sometimes I watch super amazing stuff and my job is just to show that amazingness to you. Sometimes, I watch not-so-great stuff and my job is to separate off the good stuff and bring it together into a better piece. If this one’s more the latter, that’s fine. We’ll just have to get a better vibe on it next time, in episode TWO of I Couldn’t … Job! Wait for it!