#Mickey saw his future in that bed

[goodkwuestion]

It cannot be overstated how ridiculous Ian's original bed was in shitw. This would be like the northeast section of it. His bed had timezones, differing regional climates, there was probably a Wendy's.

[bi-bard]

Reckless - Tenth Doctor Imagine [Doctor Who]

Title: Reckless

Pairing: Tenth Doctor X Reader | Rose Tyler X Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 6,274 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: [Christmas Special (2005)] The Doctor's regeneration has left him unconscious for the unforeseeable future. Now, with an invasion on the horizon, (Y/n) is pushed onto the frontlines on their own for the first time.

Author's Note: I did a poll to decide what episode I should write about next and this episode won. I hope I've made you guys proud. If you have a doctor/series/episode you want to see in the future, just let me know.

Y'all. I need you to trust me here. I know what I'm doing.

MORE OF THIS OC HERE!

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It was as if there was no pause between the burst of regeneration energy and the Doctor's attempt to fly the TARDIS.

As if nothing had happened at all.

But it was clear that something had. Something fundamentally had changed about him. Some wires were still waiting to be properly connected. I could see it. It was in how he was stumbling and frantically glancing between things on the console. He wasn't ready. Not yet.

"Doctor, move," I said, stepping toward the console.

"I- I'm just trying to land," he replied, still scrambling.

"I know, but you are fresh off of a regeneration, this is-" my sentence was cut off by the TARDIS jerking to the side harshly. "Doctor, get away from the console, now!"

He stopped as soon as I raised my voice at him.

I moved around him, flipping a few switches to try to undo some of the chaos he had caused. I wasn't doing a great job, but I had most of it under control. There was one more crash before the machine finally stopped moving.

I ran over to Rose, who had fallen during the earlier chaos. "You alright?"

"What... What's happened to him," she asked quietly. "What's this regeneration thing?"

I watched the Doctor go stumbling out through the doors. "I... I'll explain in a bit. As soon as I know that he's not going to do something stupid."

I ran outside, making it through the door just as the Doctor fainted. I glanced between Jackie and Mickey. They both stared at me in shock. I knelt down, checking that he was alright.

"What happened," I looked up to see Rose in the doorway. "Is he alright?"

"Should be," I replied.

"He just keeled over," Mickey added. "Who is he? Where's the Doctor?"

"That's him," Rose explained. "That's the Doctor."

"What do you mean, that's the Doctor?" Jackie said.

"I'll explain in a bit, but can we first get him inside, please," I pleaded.

It took a bit of work, but we managed to get the Doctor upstairs and into bed. I don't know how they did it, but they managed to get him into a pair of pajamas while I was searching around the apartment for something that could help.

"I... I don't wanna know," I muttered when I walked into the room and saw him. "Do you have anything I can use?"

"Like what," Rose asked.

"Stuff to check vitals. Anything will be better than nothing."

Jackie let out a gasp. "I've got something. Be back in a tick!"

I barely had a chance to blink before she went running out of the room. I sat down next to the Doctor, letting out a small sigh as I looked at him.

"Are you going to explain what's going on now?" Rose muttered, leaning on the doorframe.

"He regenerated," I said. "It's a normal process for Time Lords. The body senses that it's near death and finds a way to fix itself. Losing consciousness like this isn't entirely normal. It happens sometimes. Usually, it means the whole process wasn't complete during the initial regeneration. His cells are still burning and regrowing. They're settling."

"But he'll be alright?" she replied.

"I hope so," I mumbled.

Jackie ran back in a few moments later, rambling about some neighbor of hers. She handed me a stethoscope. I placed the ends in my ears before pressing the flat piece to his torso, moving to check both hearts.

"I still think we should take him to a hospital," Jackie noted.

"We can't," Rose argued before I could. "They'd lock him up. Dissect him. One bottle of his blood could change the course of the human race."

"But-"

"You would trust human doctors with no experience of this situation while I am here and the only being alive that shares his anatomical makeup," I asked.

"I didn't-"

I shushed her, going back to listening to the Doctor's hearts. "Good. Both working fine. We'll just have to wait."

"Both?" Jackie replied.

"They've got two hearts," Rose explained. "Each."

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Anything else you lot have two of?"

"Ew," I murmured. "Come on. We need to let him rest. Finish the process."

Rose sighed, pausing a moment. "Could make tea?"

I chuckled. "Is that just a natural human response? Making tea when things are going wrong?"

"Mostly just the English," Jackie shrugged.

I nodded. "I see..."

I followed the two of them out of the room. As soon as they made it to the kitchen, Jackie seemed to be berating Rose with questions when she should have been asking me. Rose didn't know anything about this. She was already dealing with so many emotions. It wasn't fair.

"Stop it," I said firmly. "If you have questions, ask me. Don't torment her."

Jackie huffed. "I just want some answers."

"Rose isn't gonna have them," I replied. I looked at Rose, who looked back at me with tears in her eyes. "Hey..."

"I thought I knew him," she muttered. "I thought me and him were..."

The way her voice trailed off broke my hearts. I took a breath before speaking, "He may have changed, but his memories didn't. Who he cares for, what he believes in... they're built on more than his physical form. Those kinds of things are built on experiences. His favorite food might change, but not something as deep as his thoughts and feelings about you or me or anyone. He'll most likely still see you in the same way he did."

I was caught off guard by her hugging me tightly. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her, closing my eyes as she hid her face in my shoulder. There was a long silence as we sat in that hug.

She leaned back, wiping her eyes. She looked at her mother. "The big question is... where'd you get a pair of men's pajamas from?"

"Howard's been staying over," Jackie replied, turning back to the counter.

"What, Howard from the market?"

I chuckled a bit as I turned around. I had never known a race to spend as much time gossiping as humanity. In some strange way, I admired it.

I glanced at the TV in the main room. "Is that Harriet Jones?"

Rose followed me out of the kitchen when she heard me speak up. "Why is she on the telly?"

"She's Prime Minister now," Jackie explained. "I'm 18 quid a week better off."

"Britain's Golden Age," I said quietly. "This is it."

"That's what they've been calling it," Jackie shrugged. "I keep on saying my Rose has met her."

"Did more than that," Rose replied. "Stopped World War III with her."

I furrowed my eyebrows as the report carried on. "Space probe... humans... always reaching for more."

"I thought you'd be a fan of exploration."

"As long as it doesn't draw in any unwanted attention."

Rose and Mickey left later that evening. Something about Christmas shopping.

I split my time between checking on the Doctor and awkwardly trying to help Jackie while she rambled on the phone to a friend.

It all felt... slow. Time was something that I was used to being able to somewhat ignore. It wasn't an important factor to me. I could bend it to be as fast or slow as I wanted, but now... all I could do was wait. Sit and wait.

It was infuriating.

It was a little while later that Rose and Mickey barged in, yelling at Jackie to get off the phone. I furrowed my eyebrows at them.

"What's going on," I asked.

"It's not safe. Someone- something is after the Doctor," Rose explained quickly. "We've got to get out. Where can we go?"

"My mate Stan. He'll put us up," Mickey suggested.

"That's only two streets away" Rose replied. "What about Mo? Where's she living now?"

"I don't know, Peak District," Jackie answered.

"We'll go to cousin Mo's then," Rose replied.

"It's Christmas Eve, we're not going anywhere!" Jackie exclaimed. "What are you babbling on about?"

"Where'd you get that tree," Rose asked. "That's a new tree. Where'd you get it?"

"I thought it was you," Jackie said.

"You accepted a new tree when you didn't know who sent it?" I chimed in. She paused for a moment. "Get the Doctor to the TARDIS and we can go anywhere in time and space. Escaping to a different planet will be better than a different... district or whatever."

The lights started turning on. And then, the branches started spinning.

"Go, now!" I shoved them all out of the main room.

Rose sprinted into the Doctor's room. I followed her, shoving Mickey and Jackie in with me. The two of them shoved a dresser in front of the door while I started rummaging through the pocket of his leather jacket.

I let out a relieved breath when I found the sonic screwdriver.

It was perfect timing.

The robotic tree had broken through the door. The others had quickly backed away from the door.

I picked up my arm and pressed the button on the screwdriver. I shielded my face as the tree blew up.

"You guys alright," I said, scrambling to the other three.

They all nodded, each clearly still in shock about the entire event. I made it to the Doctor, checking his pulse to make sure that he wasn't somehow hurt during the whole event. He seemed fine... and then I saw a puff of regeneration energy escape from him.

"No," I muttered to myself. "No, no, no!"

"What is it," Rose asked.

I ran outside, stopping at the railing when I saw a collection of Santa-looking robots standing on the ground below us. Rose was right behind me, along with the other two.

"What are they?" she whispered to me.

I shushed her quietly before lifting my hand, pointing the sonic screwdriver at them. They seemed to recognize the situation they were in. They moved closer to each other and teleported away. Presumably back to their ship.

"They've just gone," Mickey said. "What kind of rubbish were they?"

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I mean, no offense, but they're not much cop if a sonic screwdriver scares them off."

"They're pilot fish," I replied. "They're being controlled by something else... someone else. Like the tree. Toy soldiers, robots."

"And that gold dust we saw?" Rose pushed.

"Regeneration energy," I explained. "I... I didn't think he was releasing it and now that I didn't see it, I don't know how long or how much he's expelled. Time Lords are powerful and there are creatures who know that."

"They can find him?"

"Pilot fish were what attacked you earlier, weren't they?"

She nodded.

"That's why. They found out where the energy was and knew that they needed to destroy his 'guardians' to get to him. Either use him or kill him or... just experiment on him. We walked away from something that we weren't meant to survive. There are a few species with a few questions."

"What do we do?"

"Nothing. You lot go inside. Protect yourselves. Watch telly, have tea, do whatever it is humans do in a crisis that they can't fix."

"What about you," Rose asked, going to grab my arm.

"I'm going to the TARDIS," I explained. "If there are pilot fish here, then there's something coming. Something strong. I need to figure out what it is."

"You're just gonna go running off?"

"If I need to, yeah."

"I'm not gonna let you do that!"

"It's not your choice!"

"And why is that?"

"Because I am not going to be the one to get you killed!"

She froze.

"Go inside. Take care of the Doctor. Let me handle this."

I turned and walked away before she could say anything else.

I made it to the TARDIS. I scrambled around the console. I found faint traces of the regeneration energy. Along with it was the signal from the new space probe that had been sent up earlier that night. I furrowed my eyebrows. That couldn't be right.

I watched the signal's trajectory. It had been lost at some point. It was around the same place that the regeneration energy seemed to disperse.

"Who is up there..."

I flicked a switch, tuning into the news about the space probe. I saw the head of the mission scrambling, trying to explain away the loss of contact.

"You are terrible at de-escalating," I muttered.

It was then that the signal was interrupted. Through the static came an image of four creatures. I leaned in a little bit closer. The creature suddenly growled at the screen and then the image was gone.

"Well... shit," I murmured, frantically reaching for a few more buttons.

It was a matter of minutes before Rose stormed through the door. "Did you see that?"

"Yes," I answered. "How's the Doctor?"

"Pale, sick."

"Oh...," I mumbled. "It's okay. He'll be okay."

Rose looked down for a moment. "What... What was that thing?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I didn't get a clear enough image. But... I know something. I was tracking the trace of regeneration energy that the Doctor has been emitting and it is going to the same place as the probe's signal is coming from."

"So... mars?"

"No," I shook my head. "The probe never made it that far. It's 5,000 miles above it. It's a spaceship. The probe is onboard and they're tracking the energy, coming this way. That puts the entire planet at risk."

"Can't we go stop them before they get here?"

"No. If they're looking for a Time Lord, then handing them a piece of Time Lord technology would be reckless at best."

"But if they get to the Doctor-"

"I won't let that happen!"

"Are you sure? Because you don't seem to be doing much to stop them!"

"Rose, they will kill you. They will kill me. They will kill the Doctor. We don't know what they want, so I'd like to not hand them one of the most sophisticated pieces of space and time travel equipment to ever exist!"

She huffed and turned around, going to storm out.

I closed my eyes and dug the heels of my palms against them.

I was just trying to protect her... protect everyone. I just... I didn't know how to do that on my own. I had become so accustomed to having someone to bounce my ideas off of. I was lost. Stuck. I didn't know what to do yet.

I had spent ages continuing to try to get some kind of answer when the screen turned to static again.

Those four aliens were there again. One of them started speaking again, but the TARDIS wasn't translating.

"Hey, hey," I said quietly. "I know that I'm not him, but I'm still Gallifreyan. I can still fly you. You can still work with me."

The video replayed. This time, the voices were translated. "People, you belong to us. To the Sycorax. We own you. We now possess your land, your minerals, your precious stones. You will surrender or they will die. Sycorax strong, Sycorax mighty, Sycorax rock!"

"'They'," I repeated the word to myself. "Who are you talking about?"

I tried to search for any sign of who they could be talking about.

It was hours before another message came through. One of the Sycorax stuck their hand out. A blue light emitted from it. The image disappeared after that.

"Nice to know that humanity wasn't slow to do something stupid," I muttered to myself. It was a harsh assumption, but it was a valid one.

I ran outside only to be met with a crowd of people walking by me. I furrowed my eyebrows as the blue light shined around their heads. I saw Rose up on the landing outside her door. We shared the same look with each other.

I followed her and Mickey to the roof of the building.

There was an entire fraction of the population standing on the edge. Each seemingly ready to jump. I stepped back, running my hands over my face.

"What is it? What's going on?" Rose said, grabbing my arm.

"I... I don't know," I mumbled. "It... I have an idea but... it can't be. I want to believe that the top minds in your country are not stupid enough to do something that would allow it."

"What is it?"

"Mickey, can you still get access to the military's files?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, of course, I can."

"I need you to get any information you can on that probe. Now. I can't work on it on my own."

"He left us," Rose muttered. "This is the time when we need him the most and he left us. He left... He left me."

"Rose, look at me," I grabbed her hands. "I have known the Doctor maybe as long as you have. I know one thing though... he is never going to abandon you. I promise."

"How do you know that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Mickey chimed in before the conversation could continue, "Come on!"

We ran back down the stairs to the ground level. As soon as we had made it outside, I turned to Mickey, "Go get your computer and then come straight back here. We'll work in the TARDIS. Rose, you're gonna go up and watch the Doctor. If something happens, then you call-"

My instructions were cut off by a loud boom. Any glass nearby had broken, shattering all over the ground near us. I covered my head and squatted down to cover myself, yelling for the others to get down as well.

"What the hell-"

"A spaceship just entered your atmosphere," I said as I scrambled to stand up. "Sonic wave."

"What do we do," Rose asked.

I looked up as the spaceship flew overhead. It stopped just above us. "Get the Doctor to the TARDIS. Now. It's the safest place for him now. I'm sorry that we didn't do it sooner, but we need to move."

I watched as the trio scrambled to get the Doctor and Jackie's supplies into the TARDIS. She ran out to get the rest of the food, even though I yelled at her not to go.

"What now?" Rose said.

"I... I'm not sure," I replied. "I'm... I'm not usually the only one coming up with ideas at this point."

"But you're clever. I've seen you; you are clever. You... You were said you were trained for wartime."

"A war. I was trained for a war on one planet with different conditions and tools and-"

"And they never taught you to adapt? To do... I don't know... peace talks and things?"

I paused for a moment. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

I leaned forward and flicked a switch.

"What was that?"

"I let out a signal. There's no way the TARDIS would be able to land on the ship, but I could get them to teleport the TARDIS onto the ship."

"You're gonna talk to them."

I nodded. "I'm gonna try... see if that theory of mine was correct."

I took a deep breath, going to walk toward the doors. I rolled my shoulders back and tilted my chin up a bit. I pulled the door open, letting out a sigh of relief when I found myself on the spaceship.

Harriet Jones was standing there with her assistant.

"Harriet Jones," I said, a grin forming. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

"I could say the same to you," she muttered, hugging me. "Is the Doctor with you?"

"Not exactly," I replied as I stepped back. "But if you trust me, I can handle this."

I stepped ahead of the group, facing the Sycorax leader as bravely as I could.

"You. You have the clever box," the presumed leader spoke up.

Harriet's assistant tried to translate for me, but I stopped him. "I can understand him."

"How," Rose asked.

"TARDIS has a stronger psychic connection with the Doctor but I am still the same species as him. I may not be able to expand its reach like he seemingly can, but I don't need him to be able to use the translation."

"Silence!" the Sycorax shouted.

"Alright," I muttered.

"You speak for this planet!"

"Yes."

"You will understand my wishes."

"Surrender, correct?" I replied. "Basic signs of obedience in your eyes. Harriet, what did he ask for? Some of the population?"

"Half," she answered.

"Half to be used for their own benefit," I turned back to the Sycorax. "Half to be used as slaves in exchange for letting a third live."

"Correct," the Sycorax said.

"Why Earth?"

There was a silence.

"There are millions of planets that are far more advanced. That," I pointed at the TARDIS, "isn't human technology. There are other planets more beneficial to you, if you're looking for resources. And many are ready for the taking. These people are barely scratching the surface of space exploration and you're exploiting it. There's a whole planet renowned for being quick to surrender, why not go there?"

"We want the Earth," the leader said.

"But why," I pushed. "Why can't you just leave these people alone?"

He didn't respond.

"And then there's the third of the population," I continued, going to step around him. "I have a theory of course, but... oooooh, great."

I ran up the steps.

"Look at that! A big red button! Control matrix. Tell me, if I look under here, will I find a little bowl of blood?"

"Step away from that!"

"Alright," I held my hands up before leaning down, going to open the center console.

"That was English," Rose said.

"Well, yes, Rose, I speak English," I replied, still looking at the control matrix. I dipped my finger into the small bowl. "A+!"

"No, the Sycorax spoke English. I understood him," Rose explained.

I stood up, turning to look at her. "What?"

"He... He told you to step away from the controls, right? I understood him!"

"That means the TARDIS is translating for you again," I took a few steps closer.

The TARDIS doors behind them creaked open, revealing the Doctor in his pajamas and a robe.

"Took your sweet time, didn't you?" I crossed my arms.

"Could say the same to you," he shrugged as he stepped out.

The Sycorax tried to attack him, but it didn't work out well. Instead, the Doctor grabbed the weapons that the creature had and simply tossed them away. Being fresh off regeneration energy either made him stronger or dumber, I wasn't certain which one yet.

"Now, give me a moment. I am busy," he said to the leader before turning to the group of four that was now behind him. "Mickey! Hello!"

That was the happiest he had ever been to see Mickey.

"And Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. Blimey, it's like This is Your Life."

"Harriet Jones, Prime Minister," I corrected.

"I see," he grinned. "Tea! That's all I needed. A good cup of tea."

I almost chuckled at the idea.

If there was one thing about the Doctor that didn't change at all, it was his ability to talk. He ranted and rambled and jumped between different tones of voice. He talked about little he knew about himself now. He was a clean slate with nothing known yet.

I had regenerated before, but I had never thought about the process before. Truly, I never had the time. I was kind of thrown from one thing to the other. Getting confused after regenerating never made it onto my schedule.

"Doctor," I called from the steps.

"Yeah?" he turned to me. "Oh, I interrupted you. Go on. Bet you were doing brilliantly."

"Oh, you didn't interrupt at all," I shook my head. "It's just that, well, if I were to find a big red button, then I would know better than to press it. However, a Time Lord fresh off a regeneration may not be so rational... considering he's figuring himself out and everything."

"You're right," he replied. "Does the very rational one happen to know what the button does?"

"It's operating a blood control system."

"No!" he exclaimed excitedly, running over to me. "I haven't seen blood control in years."

"I've only read about it. Similar to hypnosis, yeah?"

"Exactly," he nodded. "When'd you work that out?"

"It was a running theory when I saw everyone on the roof. If they could control any chunk of the population, then why would they not make it half alive for a half enslaved? Why only a third?"

"Oh, you are so clever."

"I know," I shrugged. "So... what do you think?"

"Well, here's the danger with a freshly regenerated Time Lord," the Doctor looked at the Sycorax. "I truly don't know who I am. So... if I see a great big threatening button which should never, ever, ever be pressed, then I just wanna do this."

The Doctor slammed his hand down on the button.

I heard the others yelling at him.

"You killed them!" Harriet's assistant said.

I turned to the leader of the Sycorax. "Are they dead?"

"We allow them to live," he grumbled.

"Oh, please," I rolled my eyes. "He couldn't kill them. He had no choice. When I said blood control was like hypnosis, I was being honest. You can't hypnotize someone into doing something that they'd never do such as kill themselves. Humans operate on an evolutionary basis that forces them to protect their genes, so the fight-or-flight system kicks in."

"Everyone's okay," Rose asked.

"Everyone's okay," I nodded.

"Blood control was one form of conquest," the leader spoke up. "I can summon the armada and take this planet by force."

"Which brings me to my question again, why? Can't you just leave them alone?"

"Or what?"

"Or... I'll stop you."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

I looked at one of the soldiers next to me before rushing over and grabbing the sword on his waist.

I stepped back, getting away from the crowd.

I poised the sword out toward the leader. "I challenge you."

"(Y/n)," the Doctor scolded. The Sycorax laughed loudly as he stormed over to me. "This is incredibly stupid. Reckless."

"No, it's not," I replied. "This is what I was trained for. I existed before you met me, Doctor. You need to remember that."

He stepped away from me slowly.

"You're just gonna let (Y/n) do this?" I heard Rose mutter.

"I can't stop them," the Doctor replied.

I looked at the leader of the Sycorax again.

"Am I right that the sanctified rules of combat still apply," I asked.

The leader unsheathed a sword of his own. "You stand as this world's champion?"

"Proudly. Do you accept my challenge?"

The crowd roared around us.

We both took a knee, swords next to us.

"For the planet?" the leader tilted his head slightly as he spoke. He was taunting me.

"For the planet," I confirmed.

We stood up.

I could barely remember who actually took the first swing.

I was beginning to realize that I hadn't been in a fight so similar to what I had originally been training for.

I could just remember the technology, the instructions, the fake wounds. It was as if with every swing, my blood started boiling more and more. I hadn't felt like this in a long time.

I could remember the days when I felt that every day.

Fake Daleks, fake Cybermen, fake monsters, fake gods. I could see them all so vividly. In between the visions were the familiar flipping of pages and frantic searching and reading. The tests and quizzes and practices.

Oh, I was furious. It was making me sloppy.

I ran onto the outside platform of the ship as I found myself getting angrier and angrier.

I needed to be able to focus on one target. I needed to bring myself back to the current moment. To recognize that this was not fake. That this was not every evil being that I had been forced to face, but was one being. One thing that wanted to have more power than he deserved.

I also needed to get out of the crowd as soon as I could. That crowd could turn on me the moment I won. My victory could last a matter of moments before they turned on me entirely.

I learned how much the leader of the Sycorax valued straightforward aggression. He wanted the anger. The yelling and wild thrashing that seemed more calculated than they were.

I had learned long ago how to adapt to someone like that.

This means that despite any scratches and bruises, I was more in control than he thought.

So, when I squatted down and swung my leg so I could knock him off his feet, he was the only one surprised.

I stood above him, only leaning down to throw his sword as far away as I could. I pressed the tip of my blade to his throat. His head was hanging off the platform. I could have turned him into an example for the entire human race and Sycorax alike.

"I win," I said.

"Then, kill me," the leader's words were hoarse.

"I was raised as a weapon," I explained. "I was created to fight. To stop any threat that could have come my way. But mercy... I had to learn that. And it took me so long to perfect."

I pushed a little harder.

"So do not take it for granted when I offer it to you now," I warned. "I will spare your life as long as you listen to this command. Leave this planet and never return. Is that understood?"

"Yes."

"Swear on the blood of your species."

"I swear."

"Good."

I stepped back, pulling the blade away from the leader's neck.

I turned around to see the Doctor walking over to me already. I let him pull me into a tight hug, making sure to keep the blade away from either of our bodies.

Rose ran out just behind him. I smiled widely as I went to hug her.

"I told you that you could do this," she muttered to me. "I told you that you were clever."

"Thank you," I mumbled back.

She stepped back.

"We should go. Now."

The Doctor smiled for a moment. "Sounds like- (Y/n), look out-"

I turned around. The leader came running at me, shouting as he went to attack me. I slammed my blade through his torso. I pulled the blade up and twisted it slightly.

"I warned you," I murmured to him before shoving him down. I dragged the blade out of him. "I... I tried to warn you."

"Hey," Rose touched my back. "Come on. It's done. It's over."

"No. Not yet."

I stormed into the main hall, staring up at the collection of Sycorax. I slammed the sword into the ground.

"I am this planet's champion, and you will heed my command. You are to leave this planet and never return for the rest of time. And I would advise you to take this battle as a warning. A warning that you will spread among the stars. As you speak of Earth and its people and all that it could offer, ensure that you tell them all that this planet is- and always will be- protected."

The Sycorax's teleport sent us all back to the surface after that.

I watched in silence as the ship began to fly away. I let out a shaky breath as tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

"(Y/n)," I turned to the Doctor.

"I killed someone," I murmured. "Directly, I mean. I... I wasn't just there. It wasn't some misguided attempt to save him. I killed him-"

He shushed me as he pulled me into a hug. "I want you to listen."

I closed my eyes, listening to the rumbling of the above spaceship. The sound of Rose and Mickey cheering cut through. Sharp and deafening in the best way. I heard Jackie's voice join them. Thankful and caring and proud.

"I hear hope... joy. I hear the cheers of the very people you just saved. Now, imagine that sound echoing all over the world. All of them. Safe because of you."

He stepped back, holding my upper arms.

"I'd say that's an alright balance, wouldn't you?"

I felt my lips tugging up as I thought about it. Yeah, maybe-

Any hope I had was shattered with the sound of an explosion. It silenced any cheering. Any joy. It was loud, violent, terrifying.

I looked over at Harriet. She stood there with a sullen expression painted on her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you," I asked. "They were leaving!"

"You said it yourself," she replied. "They go out and tell the rest of the universe about us. What happens when you and the Doctor aren't here? When another race decides that they want Earth?"

"You think that you're so important that it justifies murder-"

"Yours was?"

"I never wanted to do that! I wanted to show mercy! I wanted them to have the chance to make the right choice! Do not use me as an example to justify your monstrous behavior!"

She had no response to that.

"I shouldn't have just said to leave. I should have told them to run. Run as fast as you can because here comes humanity, the true monsters! The species ready to destroy anything different than themselves!"

I was almost screeching by the end of it. I felt the Doctor move his arm in front of me. I must have moved forward without thinking much of it.

I stepped away, turning to the others. Rose hugged me, muttering how sorry she was.

"I should have stopped you," the Doctor said.

"What does that make you, Doctor? Both of you? Another alien threat?"

"Don't challenge me, Harriet Jones, 'cause I'm a completely new man," he pushed. I stepped away from Rose, turning back to Harriet. "I could bring down your government with a single word."

"You're the most remarkable man I've ever met, but even you aren't capable of that."

"No, you're right," the Doctor replied. "Not a single word. Just six."

"I don't think so."

"Six words."

"Stop it!"

"Six."

He stepped around her. He walked to her assistant, muttering something into his ear. He came back to us.

"You go back with these three. I'll meet you there," he explained to me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "I can't very well keep walking around in pajamas and a robe."

"Fair," I chuckled. "See you in a bit."

"You too."

I followed Rose, Mickey, and Jackie back to the apartment.

They forced me to go sit down while they got dinner together, only letting me join them when the table was set.

"I could've helped," I said when I sat down.

"Well, we couldn't let the planet's champion make their own meal," Mickey replied. "Now, eat."

I chuckled and shook my head.

The door opened a few moments later. I turned to look at the Doctor. He was wearing a suit now. Dark brown with a light button-up and a tie. He had a long trench coat on now. He grinned at us before coming to sit at the end of the table.

I found myself faced with Rose holding out some roll of something. It was wrapped in green foil with gold and red details. I furrowed my eyebrows at it.

"Grab that end," Rose instructed. "It's a Christmas cracker. This is a very human thing. Like the tea."

I was hesitant but listened to her anyway.

"On three, pull toward you," she continued. "1... 2... 3!"

I tugged the roll toward myself. I flinched a bit as it popped. I found myself with most of the roll in my hand. I moved it, looking inside.

I found a crown made of tissue paper. It was yellow. Bright yellow.

"Put it on!" Rose pushed.

"Okay, okay," I replied. I placed the crown on my head, struggling to get it to stay in place. The Doctor reached over and fixed it for me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he muttered.

Rose pointed at the TV. "It's Harriet Jones."

She was rambling, trying to defend staying in office. I looked at the Doctor. He gave me a look that simply said 'don't ask'. I turned back to the screen.

That was until Jackie pushed us all outside.

I almost froze in the door at the sight of what seemed to be snow. It was as I stepped on it that I realized that it wasn't. It was ash. Leftover ash from the spaceship still burning up.

I closed my eyes for a moment before looking around me. I saw people. Couples and kids and whole families running around in it. They were laughing. Cheering. Spinning and celebrating.

There it was again.

That sense of hope.

That very small shred of it that made me feel like I needed to hold onto it as tightly as I could.

"(Y/n)," I turned to the Doctor. He was standing next to Rose, holding hands with her as they both looked at me. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Absolutely."

He grinned before going to open the door.

I let out a small sigh as I followed them both inside.

One shred.

That was all I needed.

Or... all that I was going to have... for now.

If I wanted more, I had to go find it.

And yeah, I was absolutely ready to do that.

---------------------

Author's Note: I would like to take a moment to thank everyone for reading and accepting this OC. I know I play around with canon and I promise it is only going to become more evident as we go on. I have this OC planned out through Flux, just to give you an idea of how committed I am to this OC and their story. They have been through many of iterations before this one and I am so happy that this is the version that resonated with people. Thank you for your time and care. I promise that it is recognized and appreciated. I'll see you all soon!

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What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[b0n3s-is-gay]

I'd love a Darry Curtis x Reader where the reader finds out she's pregnant and she tells Darry and later the gang.

Maybe set after they're married and Pony's about to start college?

Le gasp! That is a great idea! (I got caught up in a lot of school and a bit of insanity, excuse my lateness)

Surprise Shorty!

Tags: Married life, mentions of Baby Fever, Darry being a softy for babies, Darry Curtis x Wife reader, Fluff, Alive Johnny and Dally AU!, set in the future.

Synopsis: Having a moment alone and her least favorite aunt, Aunt Flo, being late. You decide to take a pregnancy test after weeks of Darry trying to get you knocked up.

A/n: I'm not good at this, head empty moment. Sorry- I also did my research on these pregnancy tests, they're weird.

(Credit for the lovely banner goes to @cafekitsune )

I sighed as I leaned against the counter, the 2 hour mark coming up for the pregnancy test. I hadn't even consulted Darry when I bought the stupid thing but I needed to know because I had already missed my period. The damn test took so long but it would be worth it. Beep, beep, beep.... My small baking timer chirped. I grabbed the time and turned it off before turning to look at the little box, hoping to see the brown circle on a yellow background. I said a silent prayer to whatever was up there before I looked at the mirror. It was right there, the brown circle telling me that I was carrying for two. "Well... Darry did it." I hummed as I kept looking at the mirrored box. I sighed and grabbed the box, walking it to our shared room so I could put it on our bed before I started dinner. I fixed the room up before walking to the kitchen. After two hours, I had a nice dinner enough to feed an army. I knew who would be here, first to last. It was always Two-bit first because he worked around a bit. Then Ponyboy, Johnny, and Dally; they always traveled in a group after what happened with Bob. Sodapop, Steve, and Darry would be home last because Darry always picked up the two best friends from their jobs. Just as I started to put the dinner rolls in the oven, the train of people started coming in all in the order I predicted. Two-bit came in, said hello, grabbed a beer, and walked to the living room to watch Mickey. When I started the french onion soup, Ponyboy, Johnny, and Dally walked in. Pony gave me a hug, Johnny nodded his head softly, and Dally waved hello before joining Tow-bit in the living room. When I pulled the dinner rolls out of the oven, the final three walked in. Sodapop nodded tiredly, Steve grabbed a beer and smiled, and Darry came up behind me and gave me a kiss. He squeezed my hips before walking to our room to get changed out of his work clothes. I simply smiled and waited for him to find the test sitting on our bed as I got everyone served. "Darling, what's this?" Darry asked as he walked into the kitchen holding the pregnancy test in his hand, confused since it was a newer model of a pregnancy test. I shrugged, handed him a bowl of hot soup with a dinner roll, and kissed him. "Show it to Pony or Sodapop, they'll know what it is Pumpkin." I laughed as I sat down at the dinner table with the rest of the gang, smiling as I watched Darry with a grin while eating my own soup. Sodapop and Pony looked up from their separate conversations. Darry set the box on the table before sitting next to me to eat a hot meal. Dally, Sodapop, Ponyboy, and Two-bit all focused on the test; you could've heard a spoon drop. I sipped on my water before I heard Soda speak in a nonchalant tone. "So... am I gettin' a niece or a nephew?" Darry choked for a moment and coughed before speaking up. "Come again?" Darry asked as he looked at Sodapop, confused about what he just said. Soda shrugged before Pony spoke up, laughing before explaining. "Darry, that's one of 'em new at home pregnancy tests. It's sold at drug stores and I think I saw a few at the DX yesterday." Darry looked over at me shocked. I shrugged again and kept eating my dinner, knowing he'll need a minute.

[zanebuttumbler]

jd heathers agere thought perhaps

part of an au where he only attempted to kill heather, kurt and ram and where the bomb only left him with a missing leg (very much inspired from a fanfiction)

jason doesnt regress a ton—he doesn't really consider himself jd anymore because all it does is remind him of his dad. but it happened a lot during the timeline the show took place in. very discreetly though. you wouldn't be able to spot it unless you're actively looking for it and, with it being the 80s, that's very unlikely.

he will often find himself curled up in bed at the end of the night, his head all fuzzy and clouded from the day, usually reading a simple book. at the minute, he's been reading "are you there god? it's me, margaret.". a bit of a walk in the park compared to the other stuff he reads but that's why he likes it. it gives him a break from his own world, it being a gentle reprieve from his own life.

it helps turn his brain off at night. or at least, it makes things smaller and for the first time in a long time, he doesn't have the words to describe his emotions. he was considered very emotionally smart by all the shrinks he used to see after his mom died and it was a fact he carried with pride for a long time but he's not too sure about that anymore.

now, he forgets about that, choosing to focus on the simplicity of the book and eventually falling asleep with the pages still being held between his fingers and the last thing he hears being his own breathing.

however, sometimes, he finds himself in bed at night silently crying and holding his childhood stuffed bear close to him. he vaguely remembers how he had gotten it. he was four years old, he thinks it was sometime in october, and his mother had taken him to the grocery store. he remembers freaking out about something and to soothe his tantrum, his mom let him pick something from the toy aisle. a stupid choice in his opinion but who was he to judge her parenting. this bear was the first thing he spotted and he carried through the rest of the store with a smile on his face. one thing he clearly remembers is buckling janice—he named her after his favourite muppet—into the seat next to him on the ride home.

years have passed and he still keeps janice in his bedroom. he can't seem to part with her. it's hidden under his bed though. he couldn't risk veronica seeing her. or his dad. lord knows what would happen if his dad saw her. he still keeps her because she helps him think of his mama. he misses his mama a lot. on nights like these, he tends to think of her a lot. think about her running her fingers through his hair, her arms wrapping him in a hug, falling asleep on her chest as she watched her shows, her cooking that was a little gross in retrospect but he longs for its flavour again, her soft curls he'd twirl in his fingers at bedtime, her. her presence often felt like a safe haven from the world that was forever unforgiving and cruel. even if, at the time, the peak of cruel was getting pushed at recess.

he just thinks about her and for a brief moment, he isn't jd, bud dean's little psychopath of a son that tried to kill an entire school. instead, he's jason. his mama's little boy.

in moments like these, he imagines her. or at least he tries to. it's getting harder these days and that thought scares him a lot. he curls up the blankets close to his chin and imagines it's her arms, holding him close to her chest and insisting that it's bedtime now and he should get some rest for a big day tomorrow. janice is now the link between the two. he occasionally feels bad leaving her underneath the bed all the time. he pictures she feels the way he does. abandoned by the one person who was meant to love her.

he knows tomorrow will come. another day in the cut-throat society of mega bitches and future mickey d's cashiers. another day without her. another day of her memory fading away. but for now, he lets himself sink in the memories of his childhood. and if veronica sees the dried tear tracks on his cheeks the next day, she doesn't say anything.

[golden28s]

i saw some other people talking about this and i wanted to do it too so let's talk about s5-6 ian

ian didn't betray mickey, ian didn't purposely hurt him. he couldn't control those impulses, he couldn't control those thoughts, he wasn't thinking rationally. so you're blaming someone for actions he couldn't control, for signs of a mental illness that were showing and manifesting and that, once again, he couldn't control.

and once he was aware of his actions, he felt shame, he felt guilt. he had to live carrying the shame, the guilt and they were heavy and insistent and made him think people were gonna leave him because he was hurting people he loved, made him think he was destructive just like his mother but the difference is that monica never felt ashamed or guilty. but ian did, ian thought mickey wouldn't come back, ian thought mickey wouldn't want this, this version of him that couldn't think, or this other version that could drown and die in guilt. he thought mickey wouldn't recognize him anymore and wouldn't fall in love with this version of him and leave and he couldn't recognize himself either, because he wouldn't do that, because he would think once and twice and a third time.

so he didn't betray mickey.

he didn't betray mickey either in s6 every time he talked about their relationship. he was trying to do the most human thing someone had ever tried: hate him so it would be easier to live without him. but he never hated mickey, he didn't suddenly change his opinion about him and decided to "talk shit" about him. he was just someone who had to continue with his life knowing he didn't break up with his ex boyfriend because he fell out of love, knowing he broke up with him because he thought he was almost saving him from all the things he wouldn't control in the future, from this mess that he felt he was, from the anxiety of the idea of waking up in an empty bed and as a consequence the need of a constant reassurance that he wouldn't leave that day or the next one or never. he thought he was saving mickey from that.

but then with every sadness comes anger, and it wasn't fair that mickey was still there, in his head. he needed to leave mickey's memory behind too because with him there, everywhere, he couldn't move on. he couldn't move on from the regrets of leaving him, from the pain of seeing him behind that glass, from the guilt of comparing every guy to him because he did that, he compared other guys to mickey. the proof to that is the scene where ian asks fiona "what if nothing ever gives you that same thrill again?", he tried to find mickey in other people and failed.

so once again, he didn't betray mickey, not in s5 and not in s6. he couldn't control that and then he tried to do it in the most human way. let's stop blaming ian for things he didn't choose, for things that laughed at his rationality

[doctorwhonerdadi3]

Ranking Doctor Who Episodes from Series 1

I’ve previously claimed that Christopher Eccleston is my favourite doctor, and most of that is due to nostalgia. But let’s look back at his series and do a bit of a dive into which episodes I like and why.

There are 13 episodes in this series, but for the sake of my rankings I will be counting 2 parters as 1 episode, meaning there are 10 rankings in this video.

That being said, let's begin.

Number 10: The Long game

The Long Game is hated amongst most of the Whovians for a few reasons.

So humans are on a spaceship with no aliens around, even though they're not banned. They broadcast the news from their head and it is all run by the Bad Wolf Corporation.

Despite having Simon Pegg in this episode, it is just kind of low par.

And I really dislike Adam in this episode.

Number 9: Aliens of London/ World War Three

The Slytheen family aren't that bad. They just have a simple sense of humour. They're supposed to be a bit of fun.

These episodes provide us with Jackie slapping the Doctor, and Mickey saving the day. He really proved his worth.

Rose just trusts the Doctor whole heartedly in this episode, but we are reminded that she is just a kid.

Number 8: Rose

Despite being the episode that brought back Doctor Who, it is a bit subpar to the other episodes in this list.

It was nice to see the autons as a villain but some of the special effects in this episode were bad even for the 2000s (Auton Mickey).

Rose saved the day in this episode claiming she's got no A Levels, no future etc. It was a nice speech but in the end all she did was Tarzan swing at the doctor and then he literally had to catch her. At least it worked?

Number 7: The End of the World

This is a series which definately builds and gets better throughout the most part.

The End of the World is sweet. That's pretty much all I can say about it. I liked Jabe, but she died.

A lot of people died in this episode.

Also, Rose really comes across as racist in this episode. Then again I think she is also homophobic (as seen in the Empty Child and the Doctor Dances when Jack goes to flirt with the guard).

Not much to say about this episode. It's sad that no one saw the planet die. And I like Cassandra.

Number 6: The Unquiet Dead

This is the episode which is classed as the Christmas special in this season, even though it came out in March. It's set at Christmas and features Charles Dickens.

I enjoy the characters in this episode and the plot. It's a sweet episode.

It is also the first episode where we see Rose and the Doctor as true companions, holding hands and ready to face death together.

Number 5: Father's Day

This is probably what would happen if you took a 19 year old travelling through time and space. She'd want to save her dad.

I think this episode is rather dark. The Doctor and Rose argue a fair bit, and then the Doctor dies.

It is nice that it's not Rose or the Doctor who saves the day. It's an ordinary man, Pete Tyler, being brave.

Number 4: Bad Wolf/ The Parting of Ways

A great finale.

The Daleks are back.

The Anne Droid.

Jack.

What more can you want? Plus, this being Eccleston's last couple of episodes, it means a lot.

His 'No' speech is amazing. His speech about being Fantastic is brilliant.

My only problem with this is it dated itself a little bit. Yeah Big Brother has come back now, but it's not the same as it was back in 2005.

Number 3: Boom Town

There is one person in this episode that annoys me, and that is Mickey. He asks to spend time with Rose, asks her to get a hotel room and basically hints that he wants to jump on the bed and do the bad thing- and then he tells her he's seeing Trisha Delany and that by being with Rose he's cheating on the girl from the shop.

The scene with the teleport is funny.

Jack brings out a darker side to the Doctor. The Doctor says no to taking Blon (Margret) to dinner, but as soon as Jack says he can electrocute her, he's suddenly down for it.

It's overall, just a really well acted episode, and I enjoy watching it.

Number 2: Dalek

My sister told me that her first memory of Doctor Who was seeing Adam and Rose on the stairs, and Adam is mocking the Dalek for not being able to get up them, just for it to say "Elevate" and start levitating.

This episode is brilliantly written.

And it's the first time we hear "You would make a good Dalek" and it actually means something.

Number 1: The Empty Child/ The Doctor Dances

Are you my mummy?

These episodes are terrifying and wholesome both at the same time.

The winner in this 2 parter is love.

The speech about everyone living is great, and the woman who says her leg has grown back makes for a funny little gag.

We are intoduced to Captain Jack in this episode.

Plus, Colin Baker (the 6th Doctor) claims that these two episodes of Doctor who are his favourite. (He said this on a panel at London Comic Con).

So what do you think of my list? Do you agree? Let me know. As always, remember this list is just opinion based and you are entitled to your own opinion.

Stay wibbly wobbly guys!

[arrowflier]

I'm hoping this gets queued up in time for Christmas. Can we get some Christmas time gallavich? I don't really have a plot. Maybe their Christmas eve and morning 2021. Or maybe their a future Christmas when Brit and Mina are around. Dealer's choice.

Skipping straight to this one for the holidays! I posted a 2021 Christmas Eve ficlet for Calli yesterday (here on AO3) so today I decided on:

Through the Years

A look at Christmas mornings throughout their lives together.

2019

"mickey."

It's a whisper, quiet and soft.  It tickles the hair at the nape of his neck, the way eerie things do, but all he feels is exasperated affection as he tucks his face into his single, threadbare pillow.

"Mickey."

It comes again, on the heels of the first, a fraction louder this time.  Accompanied by dry lips against his skin, a hand heavy over the blanket covering his hip.  He leans into the touch, but keeps his eyes closed, where he can pretend that something better lies behind the darkness of his eyelids.

A sigh.  A shiver as the body behind him sits up, leaving space quickly filled by cold air.

"Mickey, wake up."

Too loud, now, for where they are.  Too loud to keep from getting caught in each others beds like kids sneaking in through windows, by men that were more likely to turn them in than to turn a blind eye.

So Mickey wakes up.  Sits up, hip to hip with his cell mate, his life mate.  And smacks him on the shoulder hard enough to bruise.

"The fuck you yellin' for?" he asks as Ian hisses, rubbing his arm.  "I told you, this only works if we don't draw attention."

"Sorry," Ian mumbles, suitably chastened by the very idea of being separated.  "I just..."

Mickey sighs when he trails off.  Reaches up to rub a thumb over the lip Ian is biting, tugging it free of white teeth.

"What?" he asks, softer.  "What's going on?"

Ian smiles, a soft tender thing.  Kisses the pad of Mickeys thumb, still pressed to his worried lower lip.

"Just wanted to say Merry Christmas," he murmurs.  "Saw the calendar yesterday, and."  He shrugs, still smiling.  "I don't know," he says.  "Just felt important."

Oh.

"Just another day," Mickey says, nonchalant.  "Nothing special about Christmas when you spend it in the joint."

He's trying to play it down.  Trying to lower the expectations that Ian seems to have, knowing that the holiday would mean next to nothing inside.  Maybe an extra portion at dinner, or a card from a stranger, or a phone call with family if they were lucky and fast.

But there would be no presents.  No songs, no cheer.  No matter how much he wishes he could give that to Ian.

But Ian doesn't seem disappointed.  Doesn't seem put out at all by Mickey's uncaring charade.

He only smiles wider.  His eyes only grow softer.  And his words, when they come, are everything Mickey needs to hear.

"Its the most special Christmas I've had," he whispers, quiet again as he leans in close.  As he wraps arms around Mickey's shoulders, and rests their foreheads together.

"After all," he says, still beaming, " I'm spending it with you."

2020

"Uncle Mickey, Uncle Mickey!"

It's too early for the level of noise in this godforsaken house.  He knows because it's still dark in the room, even with their broken blinds.  And because Ian, the perpetual early riser that he is, is still wrapped around his back like a fucking octopus.

"Uncle Mickey, wake up!"

He groans.  Tries to ignore it.  Settles back even more into Ian's sleep-loose arms, Ian who's so used to this nonsense that he's barely even stirred.

It goes quiet, just for a moment.  A blessed relief that has Mickey sighing into the pillow, relaxing, drifting back off into slumber.

The door creaks open.  Little feet pad across the floor.  The edge of the bed dips, then settles.

Then there are sharp knees on Mickey's side, cold hands on his face, and the next "Uncle Mickey!" is yelled right into his ear.

"Fuuuuck," he groans, twisting to get Franny's pointy limbs off of his sensitive areas.  She falls into the space his movements create between him and Ian, giggling like a fool, and Ian still only wakes enough to latch onto her in Mickey's absence.

"What's the deal, Little Red?"  Mickey grumbles, rubbing sleep from his eyes and aches from his abused side.  "Thought your momma told ya not to barge in here like that."

"But it's Christmas Uncle Mickey!" she cries, twisting out of Ian's half-awake hold.  "You have to come see what Santa brought me!"

"What Santa brought, huh?" Mickey repeats, watching Ian tickle her while pretending he's still asleep. "Not what I brought you?  Guess I'll have to take some things back..."

"No!" Franny squeals, turning it into a shriek when Ian plants a raspberry on her flailing arm.

"Well if you're sure," Mickey teases, swinging his legs off the bed.  "Better go grab those presents before I get to em."

Franny is off the bed in seconds, careening through the door so fast Mickey winces when she almost takes herself out on the frame.  He peeks out, watches her make it safely down the stairs just in case, her thundering footsteps joining the general cacophony of too many people downstairs.

"Come back to bed," Ian mumbles behind him.  "Wanted to have a lazy Christmas morning with you."

Mickey smiles into the empty hallway.  Turns back to look at Ian, green eyes barely open, red hair missed on white sheets.

"Think that'll have to wait, Gallagher," he says, walking back toward the bed.  He leans down to card a hand through that messy hair, Ian's eyes fluttering shut at the gentle pressure.

"Sorry," Ian murmurs.  "Know it's gonna be a lot for you."

And it will be.  A lot of noise, a lot of people.  A lot of things he isn't used to.

A lot of things that are quickly becoming his new normal anyway.

"It's fine," he whispers, brushing a kiss over Ian's crinkled brow.  "They're family."

Ian's resulting smile is better than all the lie-ins in the world.

"Yeah," he breathes, beaming.  Tugs Mickey down into an awkwardly positioned kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Mickey," he murmurs into his mouth.

And it is.

2021.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Gallagher."

Mickey smiles into the arm his head is nestled on, reaches back to stroke a hand through short, soft hair.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Milkovich," he rumbles back, before turning over to blink into his husband's sleepy green gaze.  Ian's eyes go soft.

"You ever gonna get tired of that?" Mickey asks, referring to their titles.

Ian smiles.

"Never," he says, and moves his head closer.  "You?"

"Nah," Mickey answers, then grins.  "But I think you're supposed to go by a different name today, Santa."

Ian groans.

"Can't believe they're gonna make me wear the suit," he complains, like it wasn't his idea to invite everyone to their place and play the official part.

"I don't know," Mickey muses, smirking when Ian glares.  "Kind dig the white beard; think I might get your kink for old men now."

"Shut the fuck up," Ian grumbles, kissing him quiet.

"You're the only old man I got a kink for," he mumbles when they part for breath.  "The way your joints crack when you ride me is totally sexy."

Mickey snorts.  Then twists them around, Ian on his back and Mickey on top, and grinds down onto Ian's awakening body.

"I'll show you old," he mutters, letting Ian hold his hips as he moves.  "How long have we got before the crazies get here?  Gotta give you a realistic aching back."

Ian just grips him tighter, eyes bright.

"We got as long as we want," he assures.  "Don't gotta answer the door til we're ready."

Mickey laughs, picturing their family waiting impatiently outside while they do their thing.

"Merry fucking Christmas, then," he says, and goes about making it one.

2022.

"Mickey." 

A too-loud whisper hissed into his ear, hot and wet and way too fucking awake.

"Mickey, wake up."

He mumbles something into the pillow, ignoring Ian's breath on the side of his face, panting hard and smelling of kibble.

Wait...

His eyes pop open.  The hair half in his mouth isn't red, but so dark its almost black, and the eyes staring into his are a deep soulful brown.

"The fuck?" he groans, then sputters when a wide red tongue swipes over his face.

"What's the dog doing in the damn bed, Ian?" he asks, shoving the beast away to wipe ineffectively at his face.  " Thought we said that wasn't gonna happen."

"But it's Christmas," Ian pouts, giving him eyes as sorrowful as the dog's and twice as compelling.

"Well shit," Mickey mutters, and gives up keeping that overeager tongue at bay.  "Merry Christmas, I guess."

Ian beams, and takes a running leap at the bed.  Lands on the other side of the dog, gathers them both up as human and canine limbs flail in unison.

"Merry Christmas," Ian says, and kisses both their heads.  "Tell me when you're ready for breakfast, I made you something special."

"You're something special," Mickey mutters, relaxing into their warmth.

Ian's laugh lulls him back into an early Christmas morning nap.

2024.

"Shit!"

Ian's voice sounds panicked, on high alert.  Enough that Mickey actually startles awake, reaching out for a warm body that isn't there.

 "Mickey, get up!"

Mickey rolls half off the bed before catching himself, bleary eyes shooting open to see Ian careening around their room, frantically tugging on clothes and gathering up the handful of presents they hadn't gotten under the tree the night before.

"What's goin on?" he asks, finding his feet.  "The house burnin down or somethin?"

Ian turns to him eyes wild.

"It's after eight," he hisses.  "And we haven't even started Christmas."

Mickey stops still where he stands, one hand pulling up his sweatpants and the other on the door knob ready to fling it open.

"Wait," he says, mind catching up.  "Why's that a problem?"

Ian stares.

"We have a kid now, Mickey," he says slowly.  "Who's probably been waiting for us for hours already."

Mickey blinks.

"Haven't heard her."

Ian blinks back.  Twice.

"So?"

"So," Mickey says, "in my experience with your crazy family, kids don't just sit quietly when they want somethin."

"Oh."

They stand and watch each other.  Mickey starts to inch toward the bed again, ready to coax Ian into a lie-in, when Ian halts him again with just a few words.

"Brit doesn't know she can want things yet."

And fuck it all, he's right.

"Okay, I got the toys," he says seconds later, juggling too many bags for a toddler that's not used to gifts.  "You got the clothes?"

"And the candy," Ian confirms, pushing past him out the door.  "I'll fill the sticking while she opens the--"

"The what?" Mickey prompts, almost running into Ian's back in the hall.

"Never mind," Ian whispers.  "I think we have time."

Mickey's brow tightens.  He grips the gift bags tight, goes up on his toes to look over Ian's shoulder.

And promptly relies on his husband's larger frame to keep him standing, his chin heavy on that broad shoulder.

"Yeah," he agrees, the words barely making a sound.  "Think you're right."

Because right there on the living room sofa, tucked under a festive holiday blanket and forty pounds of dig, Brit is sleeping.  Face toward the tree, still lit, hand resting on the new plush bear her Uncle Carl had given her last night, feet poking out and garbled in socks her Uncle Lip had knit.

"Think we should wake her?" Ian asks.  "Don't know what time she came out."

"Nah," Mickey answers.  Turns his head enough to kiss the skin under Ian's ear.

"Let her sleep," he decides, watching her again.  "She's got everything she wants right there."

2027.

"Daddy daddy daddy!"

Not again.

"It's Christmas, get up!"

Was one day of sleep too much to ask?

"It's time for presents, daddy!"

Apparently so.

"Mickeeey."

And apparently his husband was in on it.

"What?" he spit out, sitting upright in a motion quick enough to make his vision go brown.

When it cleared, he was greeted with three sheepish faces.  Green eyes and brown, all fixed on his face, all waiting for his next words.

"This some kind of holiday intervention or somethin?" he manages.  "Cause I'm thinkin it sounds like you don't want your presents..."

The couple starts with Ian, tackling him back onto the mattress.  Showing the girls how it's done.  They clamber up after him, all elbows and knees and laughing faces, smothering him in kisses and tickles and oddly sun Christmas tunes while he pretends to suffer and burn from the onslaught of cheer.

It ends with Basil, because of course it does.  Thundering into the room on giant paws, plowing through the bodies on the bed to lick a stripe up Mickey's face.

"Ewwww," two girls and Mickey all say at once, such a perfect mimic of each other that Ian falls over laughing

"It's just a little Christmas kiss," he tells them, patting the dog on his wagging behind.  "Basil just wants in on the fun!"

"Well he can wait his turn," Mickey says firmly, sitting up again with a daughter under each arm.  "Cause I think Santa left some shit for these two naughty suckers."

He shakes them a little, childish giggles as bright and merry as the bells from the church down the street, and meets Ian's eyes over their heads and the dogs wiggling ass.

"Merry Christmas," he mouths to his husband, who smiles.

"Merry Christmas," he gets back, before he's tackled once again to the bed.

2043.

"Go back to sleep, Mick."

Ian's voice is soft, just loud enough to carry from the door of the bathroom.

"Not if you're up," Mickey mumbles, patting around on the nightstand for the glasses he still swears he doesn't need.

Ian's hand falls on his, stilling it.

"I'm not," he says, " just checking my phone."

"And?" Mickey prompts, kissing his palm quick before scooting back to make room on the mattress.

"The girls won't be home until later," Ian tells him, slipping back into bed next to him. He pulls the covers back up, rests his head next to Mickey's on the pillow.

"Brit's flight got delayed, and Mina's friend is driving her in after lunch."

"Friend," Mickey snorts, and Ian pinches his arm under the blanket.

"Thats what she calls them," he says, "so that's what they are."

"Yeah yeah, I know," Mickey assures. "Just wish she knew she could tell us."

"She has," Ian counters. "We just aren't great at listening."

"Speak for yourself," Mickey mutters, but softens it with a smile.

"You know what I think she'd like for Christmas?" Ian asks.

Mickey shakes his head, hands soft on Ian's chest as he's pulled in toward it.

"Think she'd like it if we played nice with the friend," he says, and Mickey huffs a quiet laugh.

"Yeah, okay," he acknowledges, tracing shapes in the hair on Ian's chest. "No more shovel talks for the friend."

"A Christmas miracle," Ian teases, and kisses his head. "And now for my next trick," he continues, and rolls over on top of Mickey.

Mickey laughs.

"It is your best trick," he says, leaning up.

"Merry Christmas," Ian murmurs, and meets him.

2050.

"Grandpa!  Get up!"

Mickey sighs. He's been up for hours already, back sore and muscles aching from the effort of keeping his grandchildren occupied the previous night. The only reason he's still in bed now is Ian, snoring beside him, sleeping the best he has in days now that their house is full again.

"Grandpa!" one of the kids yells again, and he hoists himself from the bed with a groan, brushing back Ian's greying curls as he goes while his husband mumbles into the pillow.

"I'm here, you little ingrates," he mutters when he opens their bedroom door. "Now keep it down, your pops is sleeping."

"But it's Christmas!" little Noel cries, and Mickey shushed him.

"It'll still be Christmas later," he says in a stage whisper, flicking the boy's ear affectionately. "But you know what you can only do right now?"

"What's that Grandpa Mick?" Elaina asks, blue eyes wide.

Mickey's smile is slow, and wicked.

"I ever tell you how your mom and Aunt Mina used to wake us up on Christmas?" he asks, and watches their eyes brighten.

2084.

"Wake up, old man."

The words sneak through Mickey's dreams, winding through feelings of warmth and lights and love.

 "Kids will be here soon."

"They haven't been kids for a while," Mickey murmurs. "Not any of them."

"I don't know," Ian muses, nosing along Mickey's smooth jaw. "Elaina's new baby still counts, I think."

Mickey snorts, breath fluttering Ian's sleep shirt.

"Can't believe we have great grandkids now, man," he says, voice light. "Never fucking thought that would happen."

"I did," Ian reveals, nestling in close. "Cause your a great fucking dad."

He kisses Mickey's nose, ignoring the way it crinkles.

"A great fucking everything," he adds, and Mickey kisses back.

"Alright, alright," Mickey says when they pull back, more minutes later than he expected. "Thought we had to get out of bed and get ready, old man."

"Nah," Ian says, and kisses him again. "Presents first."

Mickey laughs.

"Merry Christmas to me," he murmurs, and let's Ian pull him in again.

2097.

"Mina."

It's a whisper, quiet and soft.  Just loud enough to hear from the cracked-open door.

"Mina, wake up."

It's louder the second time. Enough to echo. Enough to wake her, tired and grumbling, face separating from her pillow with a wet schnick.

"Rebecca?" she asks, squinting toward the door.

Her best friend smiles gently from the opening, dressed and ready.

"Hey there, sleepy head," she greets, and steps into the room. Sits on the edge of the bed, cards her hand through Mina's fine hair.

"Merry Christmas," Rebecca says, then, " you sure you're up for this?"

For hosting, Mina knows she means. For carrying on the traditions her father's started, the traditions that she grew to love. For having Brit here, and her nieces and nephews, and their children and friends and everyone.

For doing it all just mo the after losing the only men she would ever love

She reaches up, tangles their fingers together. Smiles at her friend, her partner, her platonic everything.

"I'm ready," she promises, and swings her legs out of bed. "Let's get everything ready for our guests."

[notcaelum]

in an attempt to cure my writers block, i challenged myself to write ~1k about the first topic that i could get more than a paragraph out of, so here’s 961 words about ian and mickey’s sleeping habits that aren’t good enough for ao3

---

Mickey remembers the first time he and Ian shared a bed. It was the night of their sleepover, and Ian had rolled over onto his side after they fucked and immediately started blinking sleepily. Mickey had tapped his face and teased him, because that was about as far as he could go in terms of affection at that moment, but otherwise, he’d left Ian alone, knowing that he probably hadn’t been sleeping soundly in that group home. It was terrifying, having a boy in his bed, but Mickey had slept well, too, comforted by Ian’s warmth and steady breathing next to him.

It’s normal now, sleeping next to his husband. Mickey likes the way things have been recently, even if things are on the west side for the foreseeable future, at least until the lease is up.They get their dose of chaos and danger throughout the day, running weed and large amounts of cash across the city. They carry guns and are forced to be vigilant so they don’t get robbed by Mickey’s fucking cousins again. They get cops riding behind the stolen ambulance they haven’t replaced yet, and their hearts race until they lose the guy and get to their destination, and at the end of the day, they get a pretty damn good paycheck and go home, where things are safe.

At their apartment, no one’s ever picked the lock or broken the living room window with a brick. No one’s ever bled on their kitchen floor. No one’s been smacked around for making a small mistake. There are no holes in the walls from bullets or angry family members.

One of Mickey’s favorite things about their lives as they are now is that he gets to share a bed with his husband every single night without fail.Their evenings have a bit of a routine now. It’s mostly for Ian, but Mickey finds that he actually likes knowing exactly what’s gonna happen for a few hours each day.

Once or twice a week, they’ll have dinner at the Gallagher house, where everyone else is still living. On other nights, one or both of them will make dinner, and they’ll watch a cooking show that Ian likes, or a movie Mickey wants to see, or a couple episodes of a series they missed out on when they were locked up, and they’ll usually be in bed by 10pm, because the meds Ian takes after dinner make him sleepy, and Mickey doesn’t see the point of staying up and being on an entirely different schedule than Ian.

They watch action movies in bed now, ever since Ian randomly woke up and saw Mickey watching police chases on youtube to help him fall asleep. The crashes and yelling and sirens remind him of home, and he sleeps much easier than he does when it’s silent.

Ian likes to lay half on top of Mickey a lot of the time. He always says he’s just getting comfy and making sure Mickey’s the one that’s facing the TV so he can see what’s going on, but he also says, every night, that he’ll move to his own side when he starts falling asleep, and every night, without fail, he’s asleep and drooling on Mickey’s chest no more that five minutes after saying that. Mickey would bet on it any night of the week, because it’s that consistent.

Really, though, he doesn’t mind. He loves Ian. He loves holding and being held by Ian, and they sort of get the best of both worlds this way. He likes to brush the hair out of Ian’s face when he lays down, and he likes to twist any rouge, curly bits around his finger to irritate his husband. Ian likes to put his hand up Mickey’s shirt and softly stroke his chest, stomach, or hip to help him relax. Every so often, he’ll accidentally hit a ticklish spot, and Mickey will jump, and if Ian laughs, Mickey sticks a finger in his open mouth when he has his eyes closed to get him back without jostling him so much that it makes it harder for him to fall asleep.

Sometimes, when Ian’s almost asleep, he turns onto his stomach and slides one of his legs between Mickey’s, smushing his face even closer to Mickey’s chest and neck. It feels even more intimate, having their whole bodies pressed together for no reason other than comfort while they sleep. Sure they can feel each other’s morning wood this way, but they don’t worry about that until they wake up.

Ian doesn’t really snore, thankfully. He claims that Mickey does, loudly, but Mickey will believe that when he sees proof. Ian does talk in his sleep, though. He once told Mickey about his plan to make sure his garden thrived once it was warm enough to plant, and he’s told a couple blackmail-worthy stories about Lip that Mickey’s waiting on an opportunity to use. It’s usually incoherent mumbling or small, breathy laughs, though, which might be one of Mickey’s favorite things in the world. It helps him sleep sometimes, especially on rough nights when the bad memories won’t leave him the fuck alone. Ian looks so beautiful when he’s relaxed, and seeing him so happy, even subconsciously, makes Mickey feel great about where their lives are at.

Adjusting to fully laying down without disturbing Ian isn’t difficult. He sleeps like a damn baby on their new cloud bed and the fancy-as-fuck pillows that came with it. Not that Ian uses those, not with Mickey’s chest right there.Mickey acts irritated sometimes, but he’s not, and he’s sure Ian knows that. He loves having his husband’s weight on top of him, anchoring him as he falls asleep every night.

[camxnoel-updates]

Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!

The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.

Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.

I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.

So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?

Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.

So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.

What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?

It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”

So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.

Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?

Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.

I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.

I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.

Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.

Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.

How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?

I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.

At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.

So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?

I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.

I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.

Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?

I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”

But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.

Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?

Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.

Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?

Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.

There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.

Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?

Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.

Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.

Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.

Did you take anything from the set at all?

I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.

Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?

I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.

There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.

Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?

Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.

Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.

Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?

Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.

[y0itsbri]

5 times Ian and Mickey eat ice-cream/popsicles together - shameless summer series 🍨🍦🥄

inspo from @ianandmickeygallavich's summer prompt list

moments from s2 - post-finale

words: 1.4k

the first time ian and mickey ate ice cream together was at the kash & grab. they had just finished helping lip stock up his ice cream truck with goods from the store. mickey focused on tuning out linda's obsessive ranting.

"you ever get anything from the ice cream truck when you were little?" ian asked out of nowhere, after a lull of silence had passed over them.

"the truck never ran in our neighborhood, numbnuts."

ian paused, considering, "oh, i guess maybe fiona took us to the parks sometimes. maybe that's where it was."

"probably." a pause.

"what would you get?"

"a joint."

"no, no, like from a legit truck!" ian rolled his eyes "i always got the bomb pops. carl always got the spongebob. he liked ripping the face apart."

"'course you would get the bomb pop, army."

"doesn't answer my question, mickey."

mickey flipped him off. "how about those little chocolate cones? those bitches always looked good."

ian smirked his dumbass smirk that mickey couldn't look at for too long without his cheeks heating up.

"what?" he asked, adverting his gaze.

ian headed towards the freezer. yeah, mickey could go for another round. he followed him until he saw that ian had stopped in front of the open door for a moment before turning around with two chocolate covered ice cream cones in hand. he handed one to mickey, cold fingers meeting hot for a brief second.

"i'll have to take it out of your pay check, of course," ian teased.

mickey simply glared his way, but softened when he realized the tone. "yeah? well i'd ring ya neck for even considering it, but it's hot as balls so i'm saving my breath."

"sureeee you are." ian smiled again.

it was quiet in the store except for their obnoxious slurping as the ice cream melted faster than they could lick it.

---

ian's been having a difficult time adjusting to his new med change. he was tired all the time, his usual go-getter motivation put on hold.

fiona usually only bought popsicles at the beginning of the summer. it wasn't the beginning of summer. it was almost fall. so no one knew how bomb pops were stocked in the freezer.

mickey knew.

carl wretched open the freezer, shaking the popsicle box upside down, the remaining three falling out. he took one for himself, passed one to a zombie-like version of ian sitting at the kitchen counter, and tossed another to mickey, who was reading a magazine at the kitchen table.

mickey furrowed his eyebrows. "i didn't ask."

"yeah, but you wanted one." carl shrugged and leaned against the fridge for a moment.

"thanks, kid." mickey mumbled after maybe somewhat of an awkward length of time. carl took that as a dismissal as he bounded up the stairs.

ian had been quiet, not even muttering a thanks. he managed to unwrap it, but not much else.

"'s your favorite, man," mickey nodded towards the bomb pop sitting idle in his hands.

ian half nodded and gave a sorry excuse for a fake smile. his popsicle dripped.

mickey frowned. patient, he got up from the table and sat next to ian, wiping the melted popsicle with his jacket sleeve.

they sat there quietly, eating their popsicles together, tongues cold and red.

mickey was trying.

---

ian and mickey had been in the car for hours now, heading further south with every passing minute. conversations fell anywhere from their past, their present, and their future. ian tried to keep his focus on their present.

"didn't you say there was some ice cream around here we gotta try?" ian wondered, memory flickering with something mickey had said a few hours ago.

"paletas de crema," mickey enunciated in a put-on spanish accent. he smirked. "yeah, man, we'll make a pit stop for it pretty soon. damon said it was to die for."

"wonder if damon's got himself arrested yet?" ian mused.

"nah, fuck him."

they stopped at some ma & pa shop down in texas near the border. somehow, mickey had a family discount.

mickey ordered pineapple, claiming to be a slut for piña coladas. he ordered a strawberry for ian, claiming to know what ian would like. he wasn't wrong. they switched ice creams for a couple licks and ian definitely preferred his strawberry.

mickey got a little on his chin and ian wiped it off without thinking, they both paused and stiffened for a moment, before acting like that didn't just happen. the uncharted territory scaring them both a bit.

---

"what's your favorite ice cream flavor?" franny asked, kicking her feet absentmindedly in the backseat of the new gallagher-milkovich van.

"really, kid? ya had a whole day of school you could be tellin' me about, but you wanna know about ice cream?" mickey argued with the six year old.

"mhmm," she nodded before staring out the window again.

"chocolate ice cream's my fav. what's yours?"

"strawberry!"

"'course it would be, strawberry shortcake. should we go get some, just the two of us?" mickey asked, pulling out of the school lot.

franny chanted for ice cream until the physical cups (not cones) were handed to them through the drive through. she frowned when she saw a third cup. there were only two people in the car, right? and this ice cream was green.

"what's that?" she asked incredulously.

"ice cream?"

"but it's green, uncle mickey!"

"'s pistachio. it's your uncle ian's favorite."

"we gotta wait for him before we eat ours then!"

mickey snuck a spoonful of his chocolate ice cream when fran wasn't looking.

mickey may have also broken several traffic laws to get them home before their ice cream could melt.

as soon as they were parked in the street, franny bolted towards the house, pink and green ice cream in hand.

"uncle ian, uncle ian! look!"

mickey slammed the car door behind him and picked up franny's backpack from the back seat. he glanced up to see franny nearly tackling his giant of a husband. he looked so enthusiastic about everything franny was telling him before he directed her inside.

mickey made his way over to ian's side, tossing franny's backpack at his feet with a thud before giving him a quick smooch.

"mmm," ian hummed. he smacked his lips together. a pause. "chocolate?" he asked, picking up the backpack.

"what about it?" mickey's eyebrows raised, somewhere between a threat and a tease.

"fran told me you were waiting for me."

"told ya i'm not good with rules," mickey smirked at him before following franny inside.

they all ate at the dining table while franny told both of them about her drama-filled day at first grade.

---

it was a hot ass summer and the AC in their apartment was on the fritz. they thought that moving to the west side would guarantee working utilities at all times, but apparently they were wrong because it was sweltering inside their bedroom.

ian couldn't help but lay on the bed and groan. he was shirtless, hair still a bit wet from his most recent shower, and he was utterly uncomfortable.

mickey had left to go to the corner store in a fucking jacket like a crazy person. so ian closed his eyes and waited it out.

he opened his eyes again to the sound of a wrapper being ripped open. mickey sauntered over to the bed, tossing his jacket in the corner. ian was distracted by just how good mickey's arms looked today that it took him a moment to realize what was in his hands.

a cold, cold popsicle in all its glory.

ian reached for it, but mickey moved it out of reach, instead dramatically teasing ian when he licked it.

ian didn't know if the heat or his taunting husband would be the death of him.

it looked like mickey finally had his share of fun fucking with ian. he brought the popsicle close to ian's mouth, hovering above his awaiting tongue. at the last second mickey dipped the popsicle below his mouth, messily dragging it down his chin, neck, chest. ian shivered at the chill, and then again as the sticky trail was covered with mickey's tongue, still cold from the popsicle.

ian would have to shower again, but he couldn't care less.

[sisitrip]

Snippet of a WIP for Wednesday (Thursday)

I was tagged by @annatrow to share a snippet of a WIP. Thank you! I chose this one because I am fighting for my life in the editing process (pacing issues CANNOT have me goddamnit lol). Thank you Anna for helping me unfreeze a little on this work.

---------------------------

Ian’s soft laughter finally reached him. “The fuck’s so funny?” Mickey murmured, boneless and smiling.

“Nothing, I just … it’s fucking stupid,” Ian chuckled out.

“Would you just spit it the fuck out,” he pressed, reaching for his abandoned towel and cleaning himself up.

“Before we even got started, I kept trying to find a way to get you to say something sexy so we could do that,” Ian confessed shyly. “Turns out, all I had to do was ask why you sounded so muffled and boom … phone sex.”

They both laughed, sated and a little sex drunk.

“Yeah, well don’t think that’s gonna work the next time.”

“Oh, so there’s a next time in our future?” Ian asked lecherously.

“Fall back ya thirsty bitch,” he giggled out. “And, yes, there will be a next time.”

Mickey stretched happily, flexing his toes. This may not be what he wanted, this distance between them that’s only connected by an open phone line, but he’d take it. What wouldn't he take from Ian?

“Hey, you wanna know something?” Ian hesitantly whispered after a beat of silence.

“Still the most talkative fucker after sex.” He got up and pulled on a pair of boxers and a tank top. "Most guys fall asleep and shit. But you? No, your ass turns into Cathy Chatty.”

“It’s Chatty Cathy you dope.”

“Whatever. You still run your mouth like fuck after sex.”

Grinning, Mickey dropped onto the bed, grabbing and lighting a cigarette.

“I do not, asshole,” Ian whined, sounding sleepy.

He inhaled and blew out smoke in affectionate exasperation.

“Just tell me, Cathy. You gotta be at work in a few hours. You need a nap before then.” Mickey turned off the lamp and the lights of Patsy’s Pies bathed the room in a soft yellow glow.

“It’s just, don’t wig out, but, I swore I saw you everywhere today. Fucking everywhere. If that’s the worst part of this bipolar shit, I ain’t complaining.”

Alarmed, Mickey spoke quietly. “Tell me you’re still taking them.”

“Please don’t start Mick. I’m taking them. There’s an adjustment period, remember?”

Mickey’s hammering heart slowed with relief. He would always be rattled whenever Ian confessed a symptom. He couldn’t help it.

“I can hear you thinking, Mickey. Sounds like rusty wheels grinding,” Ian murmured sleepily then laughed through his nose. Mickey couldn’t help his answering grin.

“You can choke on it Cathy.”

“Promise?”

Their tired laughter unwound the remaining tension Mickey held in his body and he relaxed with it.

“Want me to keep the line open again?” he asked softly, wanting to take care of Ian, even in this small way.

Ian hummed tiredly. “Yeah. Kind of need it.”

Mickey melted to his core. He kind of needed it too.

“Okay Cathy, you got it,” he whispered. Ian made a happy, snuffling sound.

“Thanks Mickey,” Ian murmured. He sounded so inviting, soft and safe. Mickey just wanted to drop everything, race to the Gallagher house and crawl in next to him.

He put the phone on speaker and settled down, waiting for Ian’s soft breathing to usher him into sleep.

----------------------------------------

I'm tagging @energievie @whaticameherefor @notherenewjersey @ianrightsonly @shameless-notashamed for this one too. If you've done it or would rather not, take this tag as a hello from me to you. :)

[mrsamaroevans]

TIGHTROPE PT. 2 | MIGUEL GALINDO

Fandom: Mayans M.C.

Pairing: Miguel Galindo x Female Reader. This follows from: Tightrope.

Request: Yes!

Words: 4,052.

Warnings: English is not my first language, so, sorry if there are grammar mistakes or if the redaction is poor.

A/N: Guys, without joking, I’ve been writing this since the first part was posted and that was nearly a year ago lol. But it’s finally here and I hope you like it! *Gif is not mine*

|| MY MASTERLIST ||

“Never sure, never know how far we could fall”

The past eight months, Miguel never felt so out of place like he was feeling by day four you were out of the house. He’s been feeling so bad not only emotionally because you were not with him, but physically ‘cause he started to catch a cold. His meetings with Potter were frustrating him even more and he was more tired than ever to have meetings with Los Olvidados or the MC.

He took a look at the last months of his life and he knew he had screwed everything up. Miguel hated himself for that; not Potter, not Los Olvidados or the MC. Him. He was the only one to blame for the situation his marriage was in.

That night when Cristobal was sick, he told you how sorry he was and promised you he would make an effort to be more at home. Two months ago, he had the chance to change the way your marriage was going and he didn’t do anything.

You’ve been together since you were sixteen. He knew about the loveless marriage your parents were living in because that was the reason why he had to work so hard for you to accept the first date. Miguel remembers how much you tried to avoid your feelings for him, how careful you were with every step of your relationship. He promised you he wasn’t going to hurt you and he didn’t. When he had to go to Cornell? You tried to break up with him, arguing about all the time he would be away with those pretty New Yorkers but he assured you, you were the only one who he could want to be with. Miguel did everything he had in his hand to make your long-distance relationship work, and instead of feeling away from him, you felt like nothing was different.

He did everything right back then, so right that when he proposed in the winter holidays of his fourth year in Cornell, you accepted without hesitation.

Why couldn’t he be like the twenty-two-year-old Miguel Galindo?

Miguel saw your face appearing on the computer’s screen and suddenly, he started to feel better. He texted you asking you to do a video call and felt relief when you accepted.

At least you didn’t want to avoid him the two weeks you were going to be away.

“Hey! How are you?” He asked and you smiled. Miguel loved seeing how passionate you were about your job, so he smiled for the simple fact of seeing you smiling.

“Fine,” you said “And you? You sound different,” you asked, a bit concerned.

“I’m catching a cold, but I’m fine,” Miguel said nonchalantly.

“There’s medicine in the cabinet of our bathroom,” you told him “You should take some before you feel worse”

“I’m better now that I’m talking to you,” Miguel said and you chuckled immediately “What?”

“You did it too soon,” you said and added when he frowned: “Trying to make me fall in your arms again”

Miguel laughed. He wasn’t trying that, he was just being honest, but now that you touched the subject…

“I know you said we’d talk about it once you come back, but…”

“And we’ll do it” you interrupted him and Miguel understood you didn’t want to talk about it at that moment “I had an interview earlier, that’s why I’m all dressed up,” you said, changing the subject.

“I think you look gorgeous,” he said, and when he saw the look you gave him, he laughed “And how did that interview go?”

Miguel and you talked about a bunch of stuff. You told him about the process of publication of your book and he listened to every single word that came out of your mouth. He didn’t realize how much he missed hearing you talk until now, and when you least expected it, you and your husband talked for three hours straight, something that hadn’t happened in so long.

“You know? This takes me back to those four years you were at Cornell” You said and Miguel nodded.

“Yeah… our old computers didn’t have this quality but, yeah, they helped us,” Miguel said and when he was about to say something else, he saw you turn your attention somewhere else.

“Oh, hi baby” he heard you say and Miguel knew immediately who was the person that walked in the room where you were “Just be careful, Lucy, please”

“I’ll come back as soon as it ends, Mrs. Galindo,” a feminine voice said and then he saw Cristobal in your arms.

“It’s okay, have fun” You smiled, and then the door got closed “You wanna see daddy? Look who’s there!” You pointed to the screen and Cristobal looked at it. A smile appeared when he saw his father and Miguel smiled as well.

“I miss you two so much,” Miguel said, feeling tears in his eyes at seeing you both smiling so wide, but, a thought he didn’t like at all came to his head.

You seemed happier now than in the past eight months and it broke his heart because he felt so alone. Every night he expects to walk in your bedroom and see you sleeping, kiss your head, —kisses you never felt— and lay at your side. But all that he finds is an empty and cold bed.

Miguel didn’t want a future without you and he knew he had to work really hard to keep you in his life.

||

“What are you thinking, Mickey?”

Miguel looked at his friend, he didn’t even realize he was that quiet and thoughtful. Nestor sat down on the stool next to his and looked at him.

“You miss her so much” Nestor teased once Miguel didn’t say anything.

“I do” Miguel nodded, he had a glass of scotch in his hand and when he took a sip, he realized it was already warm, so he left it aside “I fucked it up, hermano. We never had this distance before, not even when I was at Cornell… and it’s all my fault”

“Well, it’s a progress that you already accepted it,” he said and Miguel scoffed.

“At what damn moment” Miguel sighed and leaned his forearms in the bar “I feel like I’m losing her”

“She thinks the same about you” Nestor confessed, making Miguel look at him.

He should have expected it. You and Nestor started to spend a lot of time together since he was your driver. You met Nestor at the same moment you met Miguel, you were friends, it was obvious you would talk to him.

“You can’t lose her, Miguel,” Nestor told him “(Y/n) and Cristobal are the best things that have happened to you, not the cartel, not the protection you’re having from Los Olvidados… your family”

Nestor was right and Miguel knew it. Not anyone would stand his life and everything that comes with it, but you? You were there since the beginning, you never judged any of his decisions. He was so lucky to have you in his life, ‘cause people could talk shit about him, the cartel could be crumbling down, but at the end of the day, when he walked through the door of your home, you were there, welcoming him with a smile and a kiss. You were all that he needed.

“I know,” Miguel said, immediately “I have always known that, I just… I don’t know what happened, I’m trying to remember but… I can’t. I thought we were fine, I thought I was just working like before and then my son got sick and if I hadn't woken up in the middle of the night, I wouldn't have even noticed” he sighed again, summed in frustration “I didn’t want to be the absent father and husband my father was and here I am. My wife is miles away from me and she looks happier”

“Don’t you think is because you’ve been talking every day?” Nestor asked, raising an eyebrow at him “She loves you, Miguel. Never doubt about it… I’m going to the airport tomorrow for her, you wanna come?”

Miguel nodded. He would do all that it takes to bring his family back.

||

You had your son in your arms as the babysitter helped you with your suitcase. You missed so much your home that you were so happy that your days in New York came to an end, and for the giant smile Cristobal had, you knew he was also happy, even if he didn’t understand what was going on.

“Let’s find uncle Nestor, you’re gonna help me?” You asked, looking at your son’s face. He smiled at you and wrapped his arms around your neck.

“Over there, Mrs. Galindo” Lucy said, pointing away and when you turned around, you froze for a moment.

Miguel was there with Nestor, and when he spotted you, he started to make his way through the crowd to reach you. You didn’t know what to do for a moment, he surely surprised you ‘cause Nestor told you he had a meeting with Los Olvidados that day. You definitely didn’t expect him to be there.

“Look, baby… it’s daddy” you told Cristobal and he looked at where you were pointing “It’s daddy, baby…”

As soon as Miguel reached you, Cristobal stretched out his arms to his father, and being as happy as never in the last eight months, Miguel took him out of your arms.

You took the chance to turn to the babysitter “Lucy, thank you so much for helping me… we drive you home?” You asked, but she shook her head no.

“My brother is picking me up,” She said.

“Are you sure?” You asked again but she only nodded, “Thank you so much again… Cristobal, say bye to Lucy,” you said, grabbing your suitcase and caressing Cristobal’s back.

The babysitter smiled when Cristobal waved his tiny hand at her, and then she started to walk to look for her brother.

As soon as she walked away, Miguel used his free hand to cup your cheek and kissed you before you could object. You pulled back, frowning, and with a small smile on your face “Someone is too affectionate today”

“I missed you,” Miguel said “And I’m not talking only about these past two weeks…”

“It’s not the place, Miguel,” You told him, but stood on your toes to kiss his lips again “Let’s go home…”

Miguel held your hand the whole way home, he asked you about the flight and about your last two days in New York that you couldn’t talk.

“You’re too affective today” You whispered, looking at him and grinning when he caressed the back of your hand with his thumb. He smiled and turned to you “How’s your mom?” You asked to change the subject.

“Happy ‘cause you’re coming back,” he said “She also missed you two… I think Cristobal helps her with her treatment”

You looked back at Cristobal, who was busy playing with a stuffed bear in his car seat “I also noticed that… what did she say about the psychologist?”

Miguel sighed and you half-smiled, you didn’t need more to know what your mother-in-law thought about that idea “You know her, she doesn’t want to go to a loquero”

“Well, we knew she’d say that” Miguel nodded at your words “Maybe Dr. Kamen can convince her… I’ll talk to her, don’t worry”

Again, Miguel realized he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t know what he had done to have you in his life, you were too good to be true ‘cause even after all that distance, you were there for him, having his back like you had done since you were sixteen.

So he kissed your hand and you smiled.

When Nestor parked outside your house, Miguel leaned to the backseat to take Cristobal as you jumped off from the SUV and smiled when you saw Dita in the front door.

“You’re finally here, querida,” She said, walking to you and hugging you “How was your trip?”

“It was great,” You said, and as soon as Miguel appeared with your son in his arms, Dita’s eyes sparkled.

“Oh, mijo, I missed you so much” Dita smiled and Miguel let her take Cristobal in her arms “You must be hungry,” Dita told you and you couldn’t hide the fact she was right “Let’s go inside, lunch is ready”

That night, even though Miguel wanted to be with you when you bathed Cristobal, he received a call and couldn’t make it. You weren’t mad. You understood that besides his family, he also had other important things to take care of, also, you saw in his eyes that he wanted to fix things up. He didn’t want to lose you and you also didn’t want to lose him.

“Sorry for that,” he said as soon as he crossed the door of your bedroom. Cristobal was in his bed already and you knew he wouldn’t wake up until the morning arrives “I went to see Cristobal… he looks tired”

You smiled.

“Yeah… he was,” you said, taking your earrings off and leaving them on your bedside table. You were tired as well, you would put them to your jeweler tomorrow.

“You also are... We can talk tomorrow”

“No. I promised we would when we had time alone” You said, turning to him and patting the bed for him to sit at your side “What did you want to tell me?”

“I’m sorry” It was the first thing he said “I know I haven’t kept all the promises I made the day we got married. You’re the most amazing wife and mother out there and I haven’t appreciated you the way I should” he shook his head and leaned his head back looking at the ceiling “I used to say that I work a lot, but now I know that’s not an excuse. ‘Cause, you work a lot too and you haven’t neglected our son, our house, or our marriage… I can see it now”

Our marriage.

Those two words made you shiver. You have confronted him about Adelita’s baby and you were afraid that the words he used just confirmed your biggest fear. But he could see that in your eyes, ‘cause he started to shake his head.

“I swear to God, amor, that between Adelita and I never happened anything,” he said, grabbing your hands. There were tears in his eyes, afraid of you not believing him “I can see why would you think that and, unfortunately, I have nothing else than my word for you to believe me” you looked him in the eyes, you wanted to have proofs but how could you have them? You had to trust him “You’re the only woman I have ever love and that’s how it’s gonna be forever. You can trust me”

“I do,” You said after a few seconds “If you say nothing happened, then nothing happened”

“Nothing” Miguel insisted, sitting closer as one of his arms landed on your shoulders and kissed your head.

“Thank you for not ignoring my feelings,” you said with your eyes closed. You missed having him so close, the smell of his cologne taking you to all the happy memories at his side.

“I’m sorry it took me too long to finally see it” he got a few inches apart from you, so you opened your eyes and looked up at him. You couldn’t deny it, you were a bit disappointed for that action “And… I know this is not romantic but…” you leaned back to see him better. Miguel was nervous and the only times he was like that were, when he asked you for the first date, when he proposed to you and when your son was born “We’ve been married for ten years now, and if you want… I want to renew our vows”

You were surprised.

You didn’t know anyone who wanted to renew their votes. The only thing that you heard of marriages when you were young, was that they were so tired of being in them.

“Miguel…” you barely whispered when he got on one knee in front of you. His hand grabbed a small black velvet box from his suit coat and opened it.

“Would you like to marry me again?” Miguel grabbed one of your hands as you were still trying to find your voice “I can’t promise you I won’t make mistakes again because I’m not perfect, but I promise to always put you and my family first”

You smiled. Your eyes getting watery as you nodded.

Miguel sighed in relief and took your engagement ring off your finger to place the new one “I love you” he told you as he stood and the next thing he did was cupping your cheeks to kiss you.

You accepted his lips, leaned back, and held from his dress shirt where you looked for its buttons as the kiss went from sweet to passionate. It had been so long since the last time he touched you like he was doing it at that moment, and your heart melted when you realized that his touch felt the same as always.

But, of course, the moment was interrupted by Miguel’s phone.

“Are you kidding me?” He said, irritated at whoever he was talking to “Potter wants to talk now? Does he know what time is it?”

You sat in the bed and looked at him as he walked around the room. You bite your lower lip as you recognized Alvarez’s voice coming out of the device and from what you could hear, you knew Miguel had to leave.

“No… tell him I won’t go anywhere”

You walked towards him and stood in front of him so he could see you. Just by looking at your face, he shook his head, but stopped when you placed one of your hands on his chest “Go. They need you” you whispered.

Miguel covered the microphone and shook his head again “I got it, amor, they won’t interrupt us”

“I’ll be here when you come back,” you told him with a smile as you wrapped your arms around his middle and left a soft kiss on his chest. He didn’t understand how he could deserve someone like you “Go. It’s okay”

He sighed and gave in “I’ll come back as soon as I can,” Miguel said kissing you, before walking out of the room as he buttoned his shirt.

Your eyes stayed at the door for a couple of seconds and when you looked down at your left hand, you smiled at seeing the new ring on your finger. If you wanted a proof, that could be. The butterflies in your stomach made you giggle while you made your way to the bathroom to take a shower.

Half an hour later, you were doing your skincare routine. You had a small smile while remembering the past weeks and how you were feeling things were changing just stepping into Californian ground. It all started to feel like before and you were not even afraid that things could change for worse. What happened today was proof enough for you to be sure that you could overcome anything.

You turned to your left when you heard the bedroom door being closed. After placing all the products where they belonged, you walked back to the bedroom just in time when Miguel was about to call your name.

“What happened? Potter just wanted to say hi?” You asked and Miguel chuckled at your joke as he was taking his coat off.

“I was in the car and I realized that I didn’t care what he wanted, so I asked Alvarez to come back,” Miguel said, unbuttoning his shirt and looking directly at you “I want to spend this night with you and nor Potter nor anyone is gonna interrupt”

“Amor… I was being honest when I told you it was okay” You told him smiling once he reached you.

“I’ll deal with him tomorrow” Miguel smirked and pulled off the strip from your robe “I love you”

Your hands cupped his cheeks “I love you too”

| ONE YEAR LATER |

The sky was bright blue. There were no clouds and the weather was perfect. Miguel and Cristobal were in the pool while you watched them from the bed in the tent Miguel asked to be built. They were having fun until the little one wanted some cookies from the kitchen and as demanding as his father, he wanted to go for them.

“We have fruit here,” You told your son, pointing at the bowls on the table as Miguel helped him to take his blue lifejacket off. Cristobal pouted and shook his head no.

“I want cookies” he insisted.

“Fine, just two,” you said and your son nodded. he grabbed his father’s hand and dragged him all the way to the kitchen.

You smiled watching them going inside the house. Their curls and swimsuits dripping water as they walked. There was no doubt that Cristobal was looking more and more like his father as the days go on.

The giggles of your son became louder as they approached the tent. You looked up from your phone and saw your son with two cookies in both of his hands. You turned to Miguel, questioning him with your gaze.

The expression on his face was saying “I couldn’t do anything”

“I said just two cookies, hun,” you told your husband once Cristobal sat near you.

“I told him so,” Miguel said quickly “Tell your mother what you told me”

Cristobal smiled when you ran your fingers through his hair “Two for me and two for little brother” he looked at you and then turned to the bassinet at your side. You couldn’t stop your laugh and neither did Miguel.

“But little brother can’t eat cookies yet,” you told him.

“Can I eat them for him?” Cristobal asked looking up at you with a big smile, trying to look as innocent as he could.

You looked at Miguel who didn’t even try to hide his smirk. Like father, like son.

“Fine,” you told him “but you’ll have to wait an hour before you go to the pool again”

Cristobal nodded too eagerly probably not knowing what an hour meant, and when Miguel was about to say something, your youngest son started to whine “Hey, little man. What’s wrong?” he asked taking the baby in his arms and trying to coo him, “I know, I know. You don’t want to see me now; you want your mami”

You smiled when Miguel kissed his forehead to place it in your arms so he could eat.

Miguel laid on the bed with Cristobal, they were close to you but not enough so they wouldn’t get you or the baby wet. He was having a conversation with his son, at least, the kind of conversation a three-year-old kid could maintain, which soon started to fade away and when you looked at them, you saw your oldest son sleeping on Miguel’s chest.

“He gave up,” Miguel said with a smile when he noticed you were watching them. One of his hands was on Cristobal’s back and the other in his hair “You want to try for a girl?”

You chuckled while patting your newborn child on the back “It’s been only six days since this little one came out of me… give me two years to forget the pain and we can talk about it”

“We have a deal here” He smiled at you and then kissed his son’s head “I think he likes being the big brother”

“Yeah, he gets extra cookies” you both chuckled at that “Today was wonderful”

“Every day at your side is wonderful”

“Ugh, cheesy” you laughed and Miguel looked at you pretending to be offended.

“I’m not taking it back, because it’s true” Miguel shrugged as best as the kid in his chest let him “I love you, you know it”

“Hun… I love you too”

Miguel stood there, lying in bed and looking at you and your sons. He was thankful that you had given him another chance, ‘cause he realized by looking at you three, that he couldn’t see his life without you.

“Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go”

Tags: @luckyharley1903​

|| MY MASTERLIST ||

[hikarus-shida]

Hook: "Where Dreams Come True”

Hook x gender neutral!reader

genre: fluff

warning: none - unless you count not being proofread

summary: hook and reader spend the day at disney world!

requested by: hook simp anon (I hope you enjoy!)

Masterlist

Tag List: @cutierocker202

I really loved this request, even though my knowledge of Disney World isn’t as extensive since I’ve never been there before. I hope you all enjoy despite the imagine not being super descriptive because of that!

*I do not own this gif!*

Since you were in Jacksonville and had not much to do, Hook decided it’d be perfect if the two of you went to Disney World. He didn’t tell you at first, wanting this to be the most perfect surprise. Hook knew that you’ve never been to Disney World and it’s been something you’ve always wanted to do ever since you were a kid. The expenses blew a hole into his wallet, but he wanted to make you happy and do something special for you.

Hook had woken you up and told you to get ready, that he was taking you somewhere. You were confused, but excited and made sure to freshen up quickly. After getting ready, you two settled into his rental car and got on the road. Hook had warned you that it would be kind of a long drive, but you didn’t mind; long drives were relaxing and as long as you were with him, it didn’t matter how long time was.

You had ended up falling asleep during the ride without even noticing or remembering. “Babe... Y/N, wake up.” Hook whispered, shaking you away. You stirred in your sleep before fully awaking, facing him. You noticed behind him that there was a car in the spot next to you, realizing that you were parked and more than likely in a parking lot. Hook had the goofiest smile on his face as he looked at you, making you laugh in confusion. “Why are you smiling like that?” You asked, laughing as you unbuckled your seatbelt.

“I’m just at the Disney World, you know where dreams come true, with the love of my life. How could I not smile like a big idiot?” He said, jokingly shrugging as if the words he just uttered were no big deal. Now you were more than confused; surely you weren’t at Disney World and he was lying, but Hook never lied. “Babe,” He laughed, “Look in front of you.” You turned your head and gasped as you saw the entrance, the ‘Disney World’ sign so vibrant and striking. You looked back at Hook, tears in your eyes as you pulled him in for a tight hug. “How did you do this?”

Hook explained his process to you, how it was expensive but he managed to score decent passes and tickets, and how he did all of this on a whim just to see you happy. To say you were lucky would be an understatement; you were more than lucky to have Hook, yet he felt like he was the lucky one to be with you. The two of you got out of the rental and walked towards the entrance. “Can we please get some ears first before we do anything?” You asked, almost begging. Hook smiled and nodded, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead.

The two of you had gotten your Mickey ears and were ready to start the day off.

You had started from the entrance and made your way to every single park there was to offer at Disney World. You’d even met most, if not all, of the characters that roamed the parks. You were most excited to see Mickey and Minnie, taking countless pictures of them and with them. They had even begged Hook to take a picture with him, which he couldn’t say no to when he saw how excited and happy you were. “You looked so cute standing next to them,” You laughed and showed him the picture.

The two of you had stopped the adventure for a bit to grab something to eat at one of the closest restaurants. The food was delicious, something you’d probably dream about when you were back in bed. When you had gotten the bill, you immediately tried to pay but was shot down by Hook. “Hey, I told you I’d never let you pay the bill, Y/N.”

Once you had finished eating and paid the bill, the two of you thought it’d be a good idea to go to the gift shop and look around before going on any last rides. You had found a large Stitch plushie and had to buy it, while Hook mainly looked around. He had ended up finding matching bracelets for the two of you and bought them, giving yours to you once you had left the gift shop with your stitch in hand. “I thought you’d like this, so I bought it for us.” Hook smiled shyly, making you blush as he put it on your wrist for you.

It was nearly the night time and the two of you walked to the Magic Kingdom, knowing fireworks were going to be displayed any minute now. There was a crowd of people, all waiting for the fireworks just like the both of you. When the fireworks began, you were in awe. The bright lights jumping out and filling the sky made you cherish this moment with Hook even more. You were so distracted that you didn’t even notice Hook asking someone near by to take photos of the two of you. You were pulled out of your distraction when Hook turned your head with his hand on your chin and pulled you in for a kiss, his other arm wrapping around your waist as he pulled you in close. When he pulled away, you could feel your cheeks heat up and noticed him blushing as well even with the night sky out. “I love you,” Hook said, pressing another kiss onto your forehead. “I love you too... this day was everything to me, Hook.”

Even though the fireworks kept on going, Hook and you decided to call it a night. As you walked out of Disney World, the fireworks continued to pop into the sky; it felt like the perfect end to a perfect day. Hook and you vowed to come back when you had another free day like this.

You didn’t want it to be over, but you knew there would be more fun like this in the future, as long as Hook was around.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Backup

Request by @wow-life-love4 ❤️ : So I was hoping to request a Barba x reader; Where the reader sees Barbra back when she goes visits Carisi and she has those feeling again what she had years ago when he left!And he finally accepts the fact that she was the one as well!!!!!(Throw some angst in there I’m dying for it with fluffy ending)

Words: 3,530

Tags: @crying-river

Sorry for the typos. Enjoy. ❤️

Based on 22x04 Sightless in a Savage Land. (Of course)

(Gif isn’t mine)

*Carisi’s office*

Since Sonny got his new office, you found a comfy place on the floor, against his furniture. That’s where you were even though your former partner wasn’t there yet. There was this new case that came up in the night before, he had a few meetings while you were working on your laptop, coffee right next you and Sonny’s on his desk.

He came in a few minutes later, smiled when he saw you. He threw the box he was holding on his cabinet and sat on his desk chair. When he spotted his coffee, his smile grew wider. “You’re the best,” he said, taking a big sip.

“I know,” you smiled. “How’s the case going?”

“I’m going for murder 2, and we’ll see,” he shrugged.

One thing you love about your friendship with Sonny Carisi is that silence is comfortable. There is no awkward silence. While he worked on his paperwork, you were on your laptop. Shopping online, actually. You rescued a car a year ago and the little ball of fur has been scratching on your couch ever since. It was completely destroyed now and you needed a new one.

“Dom,” you called your best friend. “What do you think about this one?” you turned your laptop so Sonny could see it. It was a nice three places blue couch, Scandinavian style.

Sonny wheeled closer to you and bent down to look at it. “I won’t fit in that one,” he said. He’s been crashing a lot at your place for the past two years.

“Stupid long legs,” you teased him. “Although, in 4 years, you’ll be sleeping in my bed, so—“ you turned the screen back at you and kept scrolling.

Sonny laughed at that. “Only if neither of us is married,” he reminded you.

“Doesn’t look good, Dominick. I’m telling you,” you exclaimed. “You seriously need to prepare yourself to spend the rest of your life with me,”

“Wouldn’t have agreed if I wasn’t. Although, that’s not the story I wanna tell our kids,” still laying in his chair, Sonny was facing you, his legs spread as always.

“Why not?” You exclaimed. “It’s cute! Two best friends that made a deal to get together to avoid forever loneliness!” You paused and realized what he said. “Wait—kidS?” you asked, making sure the ‘s’ was heard.

“At least, four, Y/N. You know I want a big family,” Sonny told. This conversation seemed like completely normal between although it wasn’t.

“Then pry I’ll give birth to quadruplets. Cause I’m not getting pregnant four times,”

“Don’t underestimate the Carisi’s power,”

You and Sonny stopped talking for a moment, just staring at each other, until you both started to laugh. “This conversation is nonsense,” you said.

“I agree,” you heard from the doorway. You and Sonny turned like one man, to look at the man standing there. You didn’t have to look at him though. You recognized his voice from the first sound.

“Barba,” Sonny was the first to greet him. He stood up and offered his hand. Both men shook hands and Rafael’s eyes stopped on you, still sitting on the floor. You looked up to him and tried to keep a poker face. But god, he looked more handsome as ever. The beard. You asked him multiple times to keep the beard, when you and Rafael were seeing each other.

“Detective,” he greeted you.

“Counselor,” you quickly said and got your attention back on your laptop. You can’t let him see you still have feelings. And that you’re mad. Hurt, even. Rafael never made a promise to you, you two weren’t actually dating per say, but you wished he gave you a goodbye. Not just—leaving.

“What can I help you with?” Sonny rescued you.

“Mickey Davis. Can we talk about it?” He said.

You felt both men’s gaze on you and looked up, “Oh you want me gone?” You said and Sonny nodded. You stood up, put your laptop in your bag, and walked to the door. “Chinese. My place?” You asked Sonny, completely avoiding Rafael. Your best friend agreed and you would be lying if you said you didn’t hope it would make Rafael jealous.

*****

Sonny showed up at your apartment around 8. He was welcomed by Mania’s purrs, he crouched down and pet your ginger cat for a moment. You were sitting in your - destroyed - couch, with a glass a white wine. Carisi knew that seeing Barba after all those years messed with your head.

“How many?” He simply asked.

“Not enough!” You said, but you were obviously tipsy already.

He’d been there many times. He knew that trying to fight to make you stop drinking was useless. So instead, he grabbed a glass and joined you on the couch. Mania jumped on your lap. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m just going to say the same things I’ve been telling you for the past three years,” you said, focusing on your cat.

“But now, he’s back. And I don’t think he liked what he heard,”

You looked at Sonny, puzzled, waiting for him to continue. “He was—cold. Unfriendly. And he left saying ‘Enjoy the chinese—and the company’”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Dom. Three years went by. He probably has someone,” you were on the urge of crying but you were fighting yourself. You cried enough for Rafael.

“His lost,” Sonny put his arms around your shoulders and kissed your temple. He gave a pat to Mania, and extended his legs on the coffee table. You rested your head on his shoulder and a few tears escaped.

“Why am I not over him? Why does it still hurt?” You asked. Sonny hummed in response and you continued. “I wish we were married already. I would be committed to you, and he wouldn’t live rent free in my head,”

Sonny giggled, “You sure ‘bout that?” He asked. “Know that cheating is a deal breaker for me. Thinking of someone else while you’re with me is cheating, somehow. So technically, you’re already cheating on me,”

“I’d make up to you, but we’re not there yet. You refused to seal the deal,”

It took Sonny a few seconds to understand what you meant. “And think about Barba while I’m making love to you? Noooo, thank you,”

You grabbed the wine bottle and poured yourself another glass. Mania wasn’t pleased about you moving around so he jumped onto Sonny’s lap instead. “I need a good dick,” you sighed, laying back on the couch.

Sonny wasn’t expecting you to say that. Or at least, not like that. He was taking a sip and choked on wine. He coughed a few times, which made you laugh. “Need me to remind you what happened last year?”

“Noooo, thank you,” you mimicked him. The last year was a mess. You got drunk at Forlini’s and left with a stranger. It was okay at first, the man was good looking and very cautious with you. The sex wasn’t great. He came really fast, you didn’t have time to get pleasure. When you tried to leave, he offered you to stay with puppy eyes, and you caved. The next morning, you tried to sneak out but he heard you and he didn’t want to let you go. So you texted Sonny, asking him to call you and pretend an emergency. Thank god he did. But a few weeks later, you met the guy again at Forlini’s. It lead to a few weeks of stalking from his behalf, until you went all cop on him.

After eating chinese, you went back to drinking as Sonny stopped. You two watched some terrible show on tv until you fell asleep on his shoulders. Used to that, he moved you to your bed and crashed on your couch, with Mania cuddling to him.

*****

You showed up many times at work with hangovers. You were used to pretend you were okay and your coworkers pretended to believe you. The morning went slow, until he showed up.

“Barba!” Fin was the first to see him. “Liv isn’t here,” he continued.

“I came to see all of you—in private?” Fin, Amanda, Kat and yourself looked to one another. “I don’t have all day, detectives.”

They stood up and followed him next to interrogation rooms. But you stayed put. “Y/N,” Rafael softly said.

“Three detectives is enough,” you said, without looking at you. If you looked at him, you’d caved. And you can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve it. Not so easily. Not just because he is his handsome self.

“I hope chinese with your future husband was good,” he answered, bitterly and joined the others, closing the doors behind him. You sarcastically laughed at that. Was it jealousy? You hoped so.

A few minutes later, Liv came in with Garland. He gently greeted you and asked where were the others. You told them without thinking further. And in a minute, Barba was in Liv’s office with her and Garland. Your coworkers went back to their desks but no one talked. “Fill me in?” You asked.

“In so many words, Barba needs our help,” Amanda told you.

“He’s defending the man that Carisi is prosecuting. That’s not fair to Sonny,” you told, anger started to show up.

“Carisi can handle it,” Fin said.

“Damn right he can. But you’re making it harder for him! Our ADA is Carisi now, not Barba! He left me—us,”

You knew it was too late. Your anger toward Rafael just surfaced and the entire team now knows something had happened. Mostly angry at yourself from letting your emotions get the best of you, you grabbed your jacket and left the squadroom.

You drove to Sonny’s office and stormed in it without knocking. He immediately saw your red eyes, and furry in them. “Barba asked the squad for help! And I think they are in!” You were pacing in the small place, making Sonny’s head spin. “They are going behind your back for him! They are helping him, knowing it will make it harder for you! He just—snapped his fingers,” you did snap your fingers, “and they are all in! I can’t believe it,” you were breathing hard, fighting your tears and your anger. Sonny stood, grabbed your shoulders and brought you to his chest. He held you tight as you cried in his chest. He could feel your body shaking. You stood there for a long moment until you calmed down. Sonny let you go and grabbed you a tissue. You dried your eyes and blown your nose. “I’m sorry, you must be tired of me. I’m a fucking mess,”

Sonny was leaning on his desk, arms crossed and legs spread. “Nah, you’re not, Y/N. You’re my best friend and you’re there for me as much,” he softly grabbed your hand and rubbed your knuckles, “Now tell what you’re really mad about,”

“Him. He comes back and tries to act as if—nothing happened. Like we were nothing. Ever,” you took a deep breath, “it just hurts me all over again,”

“Now that he’s here, maybe you should ask for the explanations you’ve been waiting for? You need closure, honey. You deserve it. And yeah, it may not be what you want to hear but at least, you’ll know and you can finally move on,”

“With you when I turn 40?” You tried to joke.

“Or that guy from last year,” he grinned.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Sonny pulled on your arm to bring you to him. As he was leaning on the desk, you were the same height. You put your arms around his shoulders, and his hands were in your back. “What would I do without you?” You whispered in his ear.

“You’d be stuck in a relationship with a weirdo, and probably pregnant by now,” you laughed at his words.

“That would terrible. I’d be so frustrated,”

“Uh, I’d help you with that,”

“Dominick Carisi Jr, isn’t that a sin? May I remind you, you refused to seal our deal,”

“Because if it went bad, I didn’t want you to ask Fin to be your backup,”

“Wouldn’t have worked anyway, he found Phoebe,”

Really, what would you do without Sonny Carisi in your life?

*****

His words didn’t leave your brain. “You need closure, you deserve it”. And maybe he’s right. You do deserve closure, even if he tells you everything you don’t want to hear. So when the trial was over, and Barba invited everyone for a drink, you joined in. You sat between Sonny and Kat, Rafael was across from you. You could feel his gaze every now and then but you tried to avoid meeting his eyes.

“Cheers,” Rafael said, holding his scotch.

“To what? Jury deliberated for 6 hours to find Davis guilty on murder 2 and we’re back to the start,” Sonny answered.

“To irony, then,” Rafael offered instead.

Everyone got interested in Rafael’s past three years. He explained that he traveled for a while, catch up with foreign family in Cuba. He mentioned meeting a woman there but when you heard the word “girlfriend”, you stood up and went to order another glass.

“Y/N!” You heard from your left. You turned to see the man that stalked you the year prior. “Good to see you,” before you could react, Kyle was hugged you. “Been a while,” he smiled.

Not enough. You thought. “Indeed,” you gently returned the smile.

“May I offer you a drink?”

“Thanks, but I’m with my friends,” you pointed towards the squad. Sonny saw the man from behind and he saw in your eyes you were in trouble. But instead of helping you, he was just—laughing. Bastard.

“Maybe later then? Or another day?”

“Kyle. Last year, I threated you to put you in jail for harassment. That threat still stands if you start again,” you looked at him, seriously.

“Actually, I want to apologize about that. I was in a very bad place and I don’t know why I acted the way I did. Can we put that in the past and start all over again?”

Listening to his excuses, you didn’t see Rafael circling around. It’s only when you smell his intoxicating smell, that you knew he was behind you. You sighed and tried to stay focus on Kyle. “Okay look, if you’re still here when my friends leave, maybe—“ you were stopped by Rafael’s arm, as he slided it around your chest.

“Leave her alone, man. You’re not up to her standards,”

“Y/N, who is that” Kyle asked.

You were so confused about what was happening - and a little tipsy - you didn’t react. “The man that has way more chance to take her home than you’ll never have,”

“Well, man, you’re too late. I already took her home,”

You felt Rafael’s fist clenching. “Kyle—I’ll see around okay?”

“I’m not sure I want to leave you with that guy, Y/N,” he answered.

“But you are,” Rafael growled. “Now and forever,”

Rafael made you spin around so you were facing him instead of that Kyle. He instantly grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you right under Kyle’s nose. He was acting like an asshole but there’s no way you could pull him away. You melted into his kiss, granting access to his tongue. You grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him as close as you could. You felt his hands traveling your back, until you were grabbing your ass. For a moment, you forgot you two were in the middle of Forlini’s. You moaned in his month and he felt his cock twitching.

You pulled away only when Amanda made herself heard as she was leaving. “Get a room, people.”

Rafael smiled. “I agree with her. Come home with me?”

“Where’s home for you?” You asked. A kiss can’t make everything go away.

“Home is you, Y/N. You’re my home,” he looked so damn sincere and it would be so easy to just let it go and hang on to those words. But you still need explanations. Apologizes, perhaps?

Again, you fought against your tears. “That’s so easy, Rafael,”

“Come with me and we can talk. Just that if you want,”

*****

During the ride, you told Rafael you preferred to go to your place; Mania was waiting. If Barba should have a pet, he thought he would adopt a dog. But since you have a cat, he can get use to it. Only if you cut its claws.

As always, Mania was waiting behind the door when you got in. He didn’t move at first, just studying Rafael. “He’s already judging me,” Rafael said.

“He only met two humans. Me and Sonny. Before that, he was beaten, famished and threw with the trash. He doesn’t trust humans,”

“That’s something we can bound on,” Rafael kept his distance with your furry child. And Mania did the same. You pet him a moment, gave him his food and joined Rafael on the couch, with a bottle of Sauternes. It was silent at first. None knew where to start.

“Is—is there something between you and Carisi?” He asked.

“Straight to the point,” you smiled in your glass. You liked the hint of jealousy in it. “For now, no. But in 4 years, maybe,”

“I’m gonna need further explanations,”

“I’m the one that needs explanations, don’t you think?” You challenged him. “Actually, I deserve them,” you’ll have to think Sonny later for that strength.

“Indeed, you do,” Rafael agreed. “It was easier that way,”

“Easier for who? For you? Cause it wasn’t easy for me, at all,”

“I was selfish and I’m sorry,” he softly grabbed your hand. “I knew that—if I came to see you, to tell you I was leaving, I would have back down. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you goodbye. All I ever wanted to see in your eyes, when you look at me, was love. And I was afraid to see—disappointment in them. Pity, hate, even. Cause there was hate whenever I looked in the mirror,” you heard tears in his voice. You knew he was just being honest with you.

“You ruined our relationship—or whatever we had— on assumptions, Rafael. I didn’t hate you before you left. I wasn’t disappointed. Only things you’d have seen were empathy and love,”

“I couldn’t take the risk, Y/N,”

“Let’s pretend I get that. Why didn’t you call, then? Text? Left a letter or a note? Hell, even an email would have made it easier,” you stood up, pacing around. Rafael has been around you enough to know that’s what you do when you’re angry and trying to calm yourself.

“I could have. I should have—I’m so sorry,” he was looking at you with pleading eyes but you were still pacing around your living room. “I never forgot about you, Y/N. I still love you,”

“Uh-huh,” you shook your head, “You can’t tell me you still love me when you never said you loved me in the first place!” You exclaimed.

“Fine,” he stood up and grabbed your shoulders to keep you still. “I love you, Y/N. Wanna know when I knew?” He paused, for what you assumed what a dramatic effect like he does in court, “When Yelina came in my office, telling my ‘crazy coworker’ slapped her. And you didn’t slap her because you were jealous. You did so because she hurt me and talked shit about me for going after Alex. When she left, I smiled so hard, I found the courage to ask you out,”

You felt your cheeks turning pink. “I didn’t know you knew,” you looked down but Rafael grabbed your chin and made you lift your head.

“From that moment, I knew you had my back. I didn’t have yours,” you saw a tear finally escaping his eye. “And if you found the strength to forgive me, I’ll always have your back. I won’t let you down. I promise,”

Seeing Rafael cried made you cry too. You swoop his tears with your thumb. “It won’t be easy, Rafael. It’s going to take time for me to—trust you again. To trust that you won’t leave again,”

“I won’t,” he grabbed your face and kissed. It was needy. Rafael wanted you to feel how much he loves you in that kiss. He wanted you to know you could trust him. Not only your tongue mixed but your tears did too. “I promise. I love you,” he rested his forehead against yours.

“I love you, too,” you kissed again, but it was more passionate. One of his arms were wrapped around your shoulders and his other hand was holding your cheek. Your left hand rested on his firm ass and your right one was in his hair.

He smiled against your mouth when he felt your hand grabbing his ass cheek. “That’s my move,”

“What can I say? I missed your ass,”

He chuckled and made you jump in his arms. Your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands were resting on your ass. “Not as much as I missed yours,” Rafael kissed you again and walked to the bedroom, closing it to Mania’s face.

[maxburnett]

Chandelier, TJ Hammond

- (asexual!fem!reader x TJ Hammond)

Summary: Soulmate - Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness. Two broken individuals find peace and love when trying to fix the shambles in their lives caused by years of addictions.

Warnings: angst, self-loathing, mentions of drugs, mentions of suicide, fluff, happy ending

If you recognize this, I uploaded it about a month ago. I just wanted to make an aesthetic for it and I didn't like the format of the description etc. I own nothing but my writing; things in italics are quotes found on Google.

Words: 1,654

~ Recovery ~

Recovery is an acceptance that your life is in shambles, and you have to change.

He had never wanted to be like this; he had never wanted drugs and alcohol to rule his life; TJ had always wondered what had happened? Why was he such a failure to his parents? Why did he hate who he was and who he had become? Would things ever even get better for him? After two attempts to end it all, after everything he had put his family through, TJ thought maybe he had found common ground and a purpose when he had woke up in the hospital bed with his mother sitting there by his side; however, like always it didn’t last.

He lasted a whole six months being clean and sober, then one day, everything came crashing right back down, and he felt like a thunderstorm with no umbrella or cover. After six whole months, he was back on the bottle, waking up after blacking out, not even remembering drinking the night before. He started cocaine again a couple of weeks later, but this time, he knew he needed help, and he got his mom to put him into rehab once more.

That’s when he met her, beautiful as broken as he was; an addict for ten years, in and out of rehab; losing everything, lost to the world, and a failure to her parents. They had laid on the ground outside of the rehab facility talking about their problems while holding hands, and everything lined up perfectly. In a world where TJ had felt that everyone was out for him; that the world would be a better place without him; she showed up, and her eyes, those (Y/E/C) eyes, were the beacon of light showing him the way to find his way back. He still thought back to that night; they had laid on the ground, holding hands as they laughed together at TJ telling her the dumbest jokes, and then their conversation moved to the talk about past relationships and the root of all of their problems. They then realized that those two broken people who had questioned everything that had happened in their lives had found their person.

After rehab, they both stayed in touch, texting, telling each other how their Recovery was going; saying “I Love You” in the texts was just second nature, and they meant those words; TJ was in love with her. It felt nice to be able to say that he was in love with someone. Did all “Love” have to be romantic? Did you need the sex and the complications that came with a “relationship” to feel the meaning of true love?

Then it happened, one little fight with his parents over something, and he had a drink again; one drink turned into two; two turned into 4. He needed her; he needed his saving grace.

~Relapsing~

The disease of addiction is a chronic, devious bitch just waiting for you to slip up.

Y/N woke up at the sound of her phone and groaned as she looked over at the clock. Three missed calls—one voicemail. That’s when the alarm set in, and she quickly sat up and pressed play on the phone and listened with bated breath, not sure what she should be expecting. She listened intently and sighed as barely audible sobs filled her ears.

“I’m such a fuck up,” he breathed and let a sob escape his lips. “No wonder my parents don’t want to put up with me … sometimes I wonder why you seem to put up with me.” His voice is shaky and begins to sound hoarse. “I don’t know how you stayed by my side after all this time … when you know I’m going to do nothing but fuck up and disappoint,”

He laughs a little to himself, and her heart breaks as she stands and gathers some clothes, rushing out to her car after grabbing her keys; she listens to the voicemail and hears something that sounds like broken glass as she drives to TJ’s apartment and uses her key to open it up. She rushes in and finds him sitting on the floor in his bathroom. TJ was holding his hand close to his t-shirt as the blood dripped down his hand, and she looked up and saw a broken mirror.

“Look at me, TJ, I’m here,” she said and softly kissed his forehead. “I’m here, baby,” she said as she held him close to her. He rested his head onto her chest, hands clutching her oversized shirt she had been sleeping in as he sobbed and apologized over and over. She helped get him into the shower; he was in such a state of distress that she got into the shower with him still fully clothed to help hold him up. He ended up turning and wrapping his arms around her after the cold water brought him to his senses a little. After they got out of the shower, both changing into dry clothes, she led him to his bed and went around the apartment, and poured out what other alcohol he had before joining him beside him on the bed.

“I’m sorry, kitten,” he said, causing her to smile at that playful nickname he had given her. He breathed out as he laid his head against her hair and giggled against it. “You came here at 3 in the morning,” he hummed against her hair, causing her to playfully hit his chest and look up at him with sad eyes.

“Of course I would; you’re everything to me,” she whispered, and he smiled down at her and pushed some hair out of her face before softly pressing his lips against hers, causing her to freeze. “Please don’t do that,” she whispered and cupped TJ’s face, and he looked at her with a questioning look.

“I-I’m sorry,” TJ stammered, not sure what had gotten into him.

“I’m not mad,” she said with a shake of her head. “Not mad at all, I just … I don’t like that sort of contact,” she said and held onto both of his hands, causing him to look into her eyes with a confused frown. “I’m asexual … I just don’t get feelings like that,” she said and looked into his bright blue eyes. “But know this, TJ, I love you, and I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you.”

“And I love you,” TJ said as he closed his hands around hers and pressed a gentle kiss to her nose, giggling as she smirked up at him and did the same.

“You’re cute, TJee, I’ll give you that,” she smiled and laid her head down into the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms tightly against her.

~All I Need~

Soulmate is an overused term, but a true soul connection is very rare, and very real.

Y/N smiled as she looked around the apartment that she and TJ now shared, her head resting on his chest as he ran his hand up and down her back as she played a video game while lying on his chest. She smiled up at him as he looked down at her with those favorite pair of blue eyes before drawing small circles over the fabric of her t-shirt.

“You’re distracting me, TJ!” She said and giggled as he swooped her up and laid her down, and began to tickle her. “Stop it!” She let out a fit of giggles. “You ass!” She laughed and tried to get him off of her.

“Make me,” he said, sticking his tongue out at her playfully, and she pushed him off playfully before she sat up and caught him staring at her.

“What?” She asked as she absentmindedly played with the ring on her finger that TJ had bought her when she told him that emeralds were her favorite gemstones.

“Just taking in how cute you are, kitten,” he said and leaned in and snuck in a gentle kiss to her cheek and watched as Y/N placed a soft kiss to his nose and giggled as she put the controller to the side and let his arms wrap around her. She stretched and changed the input on the television and put on a channel they both liked and traced circles on his white t-shirt; she watched his face contently as he smiled at what was playing on the television and smiled as he closed his hands around hers as he held her. She closed her eyes, wondering what life would bring them, and found herself turning to look back into TJ’s blue eyes.

“Would you ever want kids? Me to have kids? I mean, there’s a way we can-,” he placed a finger against her mouth and smiled as he softly moved the finger down.

“Whatever life brings our way, I’m going to be right by your side, and if a kid is in our future, then it happens. I hope it has my good looks,” he smirked and laughed as she slapped his shoulder with a smile and leaned to place a kiss onto his pink lips.

“Love you,” she murmured into his lips. TJ smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer into the kiss, they didn't kiss like this often but when they did it was one of his favorite things int he world.

"Love you too, Kitten," he murmured against the kiss.

What they had, they never had to explain. Yes, technically, TJ was sexually attracted to men, but his heart was hers, and hers belonged to him. She had even told him that she didn’t mind if he chose to sleep with men while they were together, but he refused, saying that his body belonged to her. He didn’t need to sleep with random men anymore to fill the void that he had inside of him all of those years, because now his heart was filled with the greatest love he had ever as far as their friends and parents knew, they were a normal couple; but for them, this was their normal, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Tag List:

@fuckandfluff @fairyevans @mickey-henry @buckyblues @bloomingbucky @fluffycutecevans @midnightf @fallinforevans @deanscherry @buckyssimp

(Let me know if you would like to be tagged in future fics! Also please let me know if you would not like to be tagged.) Please remember to reblog! Support all creators by sharing/reblogging! Hope you guys enjoy.

[arrowflier]

I wish you would write a fic where the gallaghers + kev & vee find out about ian's 87% comment and they all give their opinions and ask why mickey, ian's husband who's been a part of ian's life for nearly eleven years only gets 87% of his heart, if the other 13% goes towards his toxic exes and why since they're not in his life anymore, ian explaining himself and ends with ian taking the comment back so mickey has 100% of his heart

I decided this was perfect for Gallavich Week Day 5: Fix-It! Thanks as always to @gallavichthings for hosting💖. Also on AO3.

Eighty-Seven Percent (Anatomy of a Heart)

It was a normal morning in the Gallagher kitchen.

That is to say, it was chaotic.

Carl and Liam sat across from each other at the narrow table, tossing dry loops of off-brand cereal at each other over Franny’s backpack, which lay open between them. The girl herself was running circles around them both in her pajamas, Debbie chasing after her with a stern face and a frilly dress held in outstretched hands.

“Come on, Franny,” she muttered impatiently as her daughter evaded her again by diving under the table, “just put on the dress!”

Mickey laughed when Franny ran to him instead, trying to hide behind his legs where he stood by the brewing coffeemaker. Ian ruined her attempt by swinging her up into his arms and twirling her around until Debbie snatched her from him, resulting in an angry shriek as Franny writhed in her hold.

“For fuck’s sake, keep it down in here!” Lip hissed, coming in from the living room where Tami had just gotten Fred settled in his play pen. “If you get Fred crying again, I swear I’ll fucking end you all.”

If anything, the kitchen got louder as everyone there chimed in in their own defense.

Mickey just snorted as he grabbed two mugs and got to pouring the fresh coffee. “Good luck with that,” he offered to Lip, amused. “You get one Gallagher going, you get the whole fucking pack.”

Lip glared at him, opened his mouth the say something undoubtedly scathing and most likely regarding Mickey’s place in the family, when Carl laughed and chimed in from the table.

“Funny, man, that’s what Trevor said to me and Ian at the station yesterday.”

The room went quiet.

Or maybe it just seemed that way to Ian, who could see the way his husband’s back immediately tensed at the familiar name, the way he gripped the handle of his mug a little too tight and poured the coffee a little too high before setting down the pot with a hard clack.

“Trevor, huh?” Mickey asked, voice deceptively mild, and Ian winced behind him.

Carl didn’t get the memo.

“Yeah, you remember him, right?” he checked. “He still works at that youth place, came in to post bail for some kid when Ian was bringing by lunch.” He shrugged, tossed a handful of cereal into his mouth. “We chatted a bit,” he mumbled as he chewed.

Mickey gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles going white under his tattoos. “Funny,” he said quietly, “Ian didn’t think to mention that.”

Ian sighed, ignoring the eyes of his family on their quickly unfolding drama. They’d been fighting a lot lately, a lot more than they used to, and today had been shaping up to be better, damn it. Now he had to do damage control again instead of enjoying a quiet day in with his husband.

“We’ve talked about this, Mickey,” he started, a tad bit exasperated. It must have come through in his voice, because Mickey’s shoulders went up. “Trevor’s not a bad guy, and I’m not gonna avoid him if I see him around.”

Mickey released the counter to grab his coffee again, taking a long, scalding swallow. “Right,” he said finally, not looking at Ian. “Not a bad guy at all. Just wanted to leave your ass rotting in jail when you couldn’t be his poster boy anymore, that’s all.”

“Mickey…” Ian warned, but it didn’t stop him.

“Tell me, Ian,” Mickey mused, turning to face him with hard eyes. “How much of that thirteen percent belongs to him?”

Fuck. Not that again.

“Wait, what’s he talking about?” Debbie was the one to ask first, voice cutting through their palpable tension. She’d even stopped trying to force the dress over Franny’s head in the interim, allowing the girl to escape up the stairs unscathed. “What thirteen percent?”

“Oh yeah, he told me about that,” Lip butted in. “Said Mickey got all bent out of shape cause Ian still thinks about his exes, or something, right?”

Ian closed his eyes against the hurt in Mickey’s as his brother revealed that he knew about their squabble. Fuck his family right now, seriously.

“Not quite,” he gritted out, but when he opened his eyes again, Mickey had schooled his face back into disinterest.

“No, that’s just about it,” Mickey confirmed. “Got my nose out of joint because Ian, here,” he gestured at Ian with his mug, ignoring the hot coffee that splashed over the side, “said I only got eighty-seven percent of his heart.”

Someone whistled, low and long. Ian couldn’t tell who.

“It’s not that big a deal,” he insisted yet again. “My whole life is a fucking shrine to you, Mick. If my heart was a room, there’s be posters of you on every fucking wall.” He took a step closer, until Mickey’s mug pressed into his own chest, leaving a wet spot on his shirt.

“You really can’t let the others have a little space in that room? Not even in the bottom drawer of a dresser that nobody uses anyway?”

Mickey was still, and silent. Then he spun around and slammed his mug back down on the counter, shoved past Ian, and stormed off up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Ian called after him.

“To clean out the goddamn drawers!”

It was quiet in Mickey’s wake, and then—

“Dude, that’s fucked up,” Carl said frankly, and Liam nodded in agreement, eyes wide.

“Did you really say that?” Debbie asked, sounding horrified, and before Ian could answer the back door slammed open.

“Morning neighbors!” Vee greeted as she came through, Kev on her heels. She was holding something, a dish covered in foil, and a carton of juice hung from Kev’s hand.

“We brought you guys some…” Vee trailed off when no one even looked at her, noticing the tension in the room.

“Uh,” she voiced, confused, “what did we miss?”

Carl answered, still looking at Ian in disbelief. “Ian told Mickey he keeps stuff from his exes in a drawer, so Mickey’s up there looking for it.”

“Oh, that’s cold man,” Kev breathed, and Ian exhaled.

“It was a metaphor,” he muttered, and Vee heard him.

“A metaphor for what?” she asked, curious.

“For the thirteen percent of Ian’s heart that belongs to other people,” Debbie revealed, and Vee set down her dish with a clatter.

“You said that to him?” she clarified, and at Ian’s reluctant nod, shook her head and turned to Kev.

“You ever say shit like that to me,” she said firmly, “I’ll cut off thirteen percent of your dick.”

—

A few long minutes later, after he had finally escaped his family’s inquisition about the state of his relationship, Ian made his way upstairs, alone.

When he got to their bedroom, Mickey wasn’t actually going through their things. He was just sitting on their bed, back to the wall, spinning his wedding ring round and round on his finger. Next to him, balanced on their folded blanket, sat the little box with the fancy ones they used in the ceremony just so they wouldn’t have to take theirs off.

Ian’s heart beat harder. That box had been sitting safe in the bottom drawer of their shared dresser.

The one that nobody used.

“Hey,” he said softly from the doorway. Mickey didn’t look up.

“You okay?” Ian asked, and that at least got a response.

“Do I look fucking okay to you?” Mickey returned, eyes on his knees.

He didn’t. Not really. He looked haggard, and upset, his hair spiky where restless fingers had combed through it. Ian couldn’t see his eyes, but he had a feeling they were rimmed in red.

Ian let himself into the room, sat opposite Mickey on the bed with his feet still firmly on the floor. He reached out to trace a finger over the rings in the box, and then the ring on Mickey’s finger.

Mickey let his own hand fall away when he did.

“You know that’s not how I meant it, right?” Ian asked, suddenly desperate to hear Mickey agree. He needed to know that Mickey understood, that just because he remembered his past, it didn’t mean he wasn’t dedicated to his future.

But Mickey just shrugged.

“Not a lot of ways you can mean it,” he said, and shit. Ian had really fucked up this time. “Either I have your whole heart or I don’t,” Mickey continued, “and I don’t. So,” he shrugged again, “whatever.”

Ian took a moment. A long one. He thought of Mickey’s reaction the first time he had said it, when he was mostly just teasing. The way he had been shocked to think that Ian still had fond thoughts for other men. And he thought of his family downstairs, each one more fucked up than the last, all in agreement over the severity of his error.

And to be honest, he still didn’t quite get the uproar. But maybe that was because none of them got his side, either.

“You’re right,” he began, “you don’t.”

Mickey tensed further, pulling away from him on the bed, but Ian wasn’t done.

“You have all the good bits, you know,” he continued. He went to rest a hand on Mickey’s chest, saw his stiffness, and pointed at his own instead.

“You have all four chambers,” he told him. “Atrium and ventricle. You keep my blood moving, keep it useful, keep me alive. And you have my valves,” he added, trailing a finger side to side to point to the right spots as he spoke. “Mitral and aorta, pulmonary and tricuspid.” He smiled. “You keep me going in the right direction.”

Mickey was softening, he could tell, the tension seeping from his limbs as Ian droned on. He kept going anyway.

“You have all my arteries, Mick,” he whispered. “You’re in all my veins. You said I was under your skin, once?” Ian laughed. “Well you’re under my skin, too. And in my muscles, and in my blood.”

“And the others, they’re like…” he hesitated, searched for the right words. Better words than he had used before. “They’re like cholesterol,” he settled on, “plaque. Or…like the scar tissue from a triple bypass, the parts that don’t work anymore.”

Mickey’s lips quirked, despite himself, and Ian counted it as a victory.

“You have a lot a heart surgeries, Gallagher?” he questioned softly, catching on.

Ian smile widened, and he reached out to take Mickey’s hand. This time, Mickey didn’t pull away.

“Maybe a few,” he admitted. “And maybe I’m better for it.”

He lifted Mickey’s hand to his lips, held it there.

“I don’t mind the broken bits,” he told his husband. “The pieces they left behind. Because you pushed through them every time, and made me healthy again.”

Mickey fidgeted, and nudged himself off the wall to settle closer to Ian’s side.

“Alright,” he allowed, “I get it.”

“Do you?” Ian asked earnestly. “Because I want you to, you know.” He dropped Mickey’s hand to hold his face instead, gently stroking a thumb over his cheek. “I want you to know that that thirteen percent, it doesn’t really matter. All that matters are the parts that are you.”

"I chose you, Mickey," he murmured. He reached out blindly for the spare rings in their box on the bed, worked one free. Slipped it onto Mickey's finger without looking away from his eyes. Mickey's hand clenched around it, around Ian's hand, and held tight.

"I married you," Ian added. "Because I love you with every real part of my heart, every little bit that works."

“All eighty-seven percent?” Mickey prods with a soft expression, leaning forward until his nose brushes Ian’s.

“All eighty-seven percent,” Ian confirmed, and kissed him.