#Michele is one half of this ship and he's not shipping it lmao

[breitzbachbea]

Drabble #60

Triggerwarning for: Implied Child Abuse, Past Trauma

The following drabble talks about/alludes to physical & mental child abuse and its possible consequences. There is no graphic description of abuse. If any of these topics trigger you, please prepare yourself accordingly or don't read this drabble.

Please take care of yourself and if you decide to read the drabble, enjoy it!

Just two bros being dudes, chilling zero feet apart and overusing ancient Greek mythology references because they’re gay.

Drabble Collection on Ao3 Ship: GreSic Human AU/Organized Crime AU

 “Isn't it just like two shipwrecked men clinging to one another?” Michele asked after they were done and laid together.

 What a cruel question it was, to talk right about the reason for why they were seeking solace in each other's arms. But since he apparently felt such a tremendous need to talk about it, he must have hurt and so vetoing him from speaking would have been cruel as well.

 “Mhm,” was all the answer Herakles could muster. He didn't want to philosophize for once, not about his own pain. He didn't want to think of this as convenience.

 Michele laughed, head still against his chest and Herakles arm wrapped around him. His hair was sweaty and messy and he welcomed that a lot more than his usual neat look.

 “We've clung to each other because we both needed someone to understand our pain and ask no questions.”

 There was a hickie on his neck. A big one. He liked it but didn't dare to reach out and run the back of his fingers over it. To cause pain while other wounds still and clearly were open wasn't a good idea.

Trauma. Greek for wound. The blood from the hickey only seeped into his skin, but a far deeper trauma sputtered from his mouth. Maybe all the blood from the bruises that his father had caused him, he had swallowed and now vomited it back out.

 “Even now they're dead, we're clinging to each other because we want to forget and we need distraction. Even now I feel like I have to hide from them and find a way to make something lovely to hide all the pain.” He laughed again and buried his face into his chest. For a moment, Herakles feared that he'd began to sob any second now.

 So he took his hand and caressed his side with the other.

 “Focus on the lovely,” he said when Michele looked at him. “They're gone. For good. There's nothing we have to hide now.”

 Michele gave him a pained smile at first, but it turned more and more genuine as time passed.

 He lowered his voice and softly, added: “Do you really see this as nothing more than a distraction?”

 “No, no, no” he said, looked up and sat up. He didn't let go or shook off Herakles' hand. “Of course not, my dearest friend. It's not just distraction, you're not just anyone to me.” He looked him straight in the eyes and they ended up staring at each other for a while.

 What a man he had become, with what authority in his face. Not that he could see any of it right now, for the kind but tired and scared boy he used to know was all too evident in his features. If he was a Trojan Prince somehow gone too far ashore, he was Paris and not Hector in this moment.

 He caressed his cheek with the hand that was not held and Michele leaned into the touch.

 “I think we shouldn't think of this as distraction, but as celebration of our freedom,” he said and Michele's pretty eyes fluttered open again. “We can do whatever we want.” He realized what he just had said and sat up himself, with an electrified grin on his face and now cupped Michele's face with both of his hands. “We can do whatever we want,” he repeated, his voice no more than an excited whisper, because any louder and it would break. “No more restraints, there's nothing that could ever hold us back now.”

 Michele smiled at him, but it was more of a tired and derisive smile.

 “Sure, we can look at it like this,” he said.

 “Are you not thrilled?” Herakles asked. He leant in closer to him and cocked his head as if he searched in his face. “Where did your enthusiasm go? Where's the Michele again who, just months ago, sat in this bed with enough enthusiasm to conquer the world? Where did my Alexander go?” To know that Alexander had been an insulting nickname for his own father by Funda Adnan still stung a little, but his father never had wanted the title and not deserved it, anyways.

 Michele snorted. “I think he might have died in Paris. Or, if I'd rather say that I'm Achilles, I died through Paris.” He sighed and rubbed his cheek against one of his hands with closed eyes. “I'll have to go back there tomorrow.”

 “Do you really have to?”

 “I'll have to end what I started. I'm not going to draw my horns in and live it down, that'd be even more cowardly than what François is trying to do.”

 Herakles looked at him with a soft smile before he kissed his forehead. “Don't get killed up there,” he said. “I'd much rather have you safe at home with your loved ones without glory than dying for your ego. Don't be an Achilles.”

 Michele sighed and it might have been a failed snort. Throughout it all, he hadn't opened his eyes once until now. “Bold words to come from an Alexander like you. Are you going to Ankara again soon? Or Istanbul?”

 His smile was still soft. “I might,” he said. “If you're going to leave me for Paris.”

 “Oh, believe me, I'm not going to have half the fun in Paris that you and he are going to have.” He kissed the palm of his hand and then left a trail of kisses down his arms. “Even if I want to sleep with François out of frustration, just so that I don't have to talk with him, for god's sake.” Michele had briefly talked himself into a rage, but it was gone with a sigh and his next words: “I'll only remember how good this night was and be disappointed.”

 Herakles chuckled about this and Michele shot him a roguish smile before Herakles kissed him.

 During the kiss, one hand wandered down to the hickie and he stroked it with his thumb. He could feel Michele shiver underneath his hands.

[meidozangetsuha]

lmao you pedo/groomer apologist. Imagine defending a groomer ship like don’t you have a job? it’s clear your parents did a poor ass job instilling you with any sense. sick Perverts like you god knows what you will do in real life if you come across a situation of a child and adult irl. Sure you will support the adult? Sickos like yall will always have a lame excuse that will be pulverised in reality. and if you creeps keeps posting in inuyasha tags, get rekt by antis coming in your shit tags .

You people are actually fucking insane. And how can you not be: when your life revolves only around cartoons and video games, unable to understand the people you hurt? No, you can’t be anything else other than being able to type this garbage out yourself and think you’re a coherent human being. No- you’re something significantly less, yeah.

sick Perverts like you god knows what you will do in real life if you come across a situation of a child and adult irl. Sure you will support the adult?

NEVER! WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING! ABSOLUTELY NEVER, NO MATTER WHAT!

... When I was so new to this proship stuff, there were people I used to be friends with on twitter. The "cult" that still has so much fandom pull. I thought we were friends. I thought they were good people misunderstood. I learned I was very wrong. Horrifically so.

I hate her.

I hate this evil.

I HATE THIS ABSOLUTE PURE FUCKING EVIL, THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE YOU CAN CALL THIS OTHER THAN

EVIL

TO BE SO ABSOLUTELY BOLD, UNASHAMEDLY SAYING THIS! TO THINK YOU WOULD ACTUALLY SAY THIS WITHOUT BEING RUN OUT OF THE WEBSITE, THAT YOU COULD POSSIBLY SAY THIS WITHOUT THINKING YOU SHOULD BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND ALL ETERNITY! THAT YOU CAN SAY THIS AND YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY PURE EVIL! AND IF YOU FUCKERS ARE HERE, ON HERE, READING THIS: TO PROTECT AND ACCEPT MICHELLE AS YOUR FRIEND IS JUST AS EVIL AS SAYING THIS GARBAGE!

If you are aware of child sexual abuse, report it. If not, die. There’s only two answers.

It is as I once said.

And I will always stand by it.

Evil.

And then there’s you cretins. Who don’t actually care about the abuse of children at all. I know because I used to be one of you antis. And I realized that this was just like a fandom. It was just a fandom, filled with people who didn’t really care about what they preached, just making posts to gather their clout and look good. So, disillusioned, I walked away. I still wonder if I genuinely hurt people, when I wanted to fight the ‘freaks’ too. And if I ever did, I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I’m so, so sorry.

You cretins.

Somebody’s children. To talk this way about living, breathing CHILDREN. Because they’re the children of some lady you don’t like!

Fucking CHILDREN!

AND I HATE THAT BITCH TOO, AND NEVER ONCE IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I EVER DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT SAYING THIS ABOUT ACTUAL CHILDREN!

FOLLOWING AFTER SOME SWERF, THAT PARTICIPATED IN THAT VILE VIDEO WHERE THEY SAID, REGARDING THIS SHIP YOU HATE SO MUCH, “SHE (RIN) WAS GROOMED BECAUSE SHE WAS STUPID!” AND GOT AWAY WITH IT, BECAUSE YOU GAVE HER A PLATFORM AND ARE CLAMOURING AROUND HER LIKE SOME LEADER AGAIN!

Actual evil. And you cretins. It’s just a game to you. That’s all any of this was to any of you, a game.

“anime woody allen and his victim,”

ANIME WOODY ALLEN DOESN’T EXIST! AN ACTUAL PREDATOR EXISTS IN REALITY! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, TO BRING REAL LIFE INTO THIS FUCKING CARTOON SHIT!? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!? DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ACTUAL VICTIMS IN ANY CAPACITY!?

“You just wanna self-insert to fuck Sesshomaru uvu” Said this before, said this again! Dude ain’t my type! Glad there’s another fictional anime girl that’s into him, but that ain’t me! Dude didn’t even groom her in canon- why do I care some fictional woman, someone that he has an unaging dog demon knew as a kid that fell in love with him as he’s older!? The same franchise where the 15 year old middle schooler falls in love with and later marries the ambiguously aged half-dog demon!? I don’t wanna fuck him! As someone who’s sexual preference heavily lies with women I’D REALLY APPRECAITE IF ANTIS DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I WANNA FUCK A GUY, THANK YOU! I WOULD APPRECIATE IT A LOT!

And yeah. They are. I got my issues. But I work hard: full time, and I’m going back to college soon. I try my best. I have a good relationship with my parents. And I’m really happy. I’m not quite where I wanted to be at life at this age, but, I have the support of my family, the woman I will one day marry, and all my friends. I’m getting there. With my family that took my internet safety seriously, who seriously looked out for the media interest I had as a child (at least, to the best of their ability) who taught me internet safety, what to do to keep myself safe... and made sure I grew up happily.

You all prove it again and again. How little you actually care about child abuse. None of you actually care about this.

It keeps being proven and I keep getting sadder how easily I would have fallen for this stupid, asinine bullshit a few years ago.

I cannot do much in this life. But, if nothing else, I can not be like you.

I can chose not to be cruel and not hurt others. That’s more than any of you can say.

“ get rekt by antis coming in your shit tags . “ Of course. Of course of course of course of course. It’s all you care about.

You actually had the gall to type this when you were talking about real life sexual abuse in the ask. Because that’s all you care about. Ships and cartoons. Nothing else. You actually typed that while having real life sexual abuse of children mentioned in the same breath. And you hit that send button, like you’re actually a normal person.

Nothing more. And that’s all it’ll ever be.

It’s really depressing, man.

Sincerely, don’t you have anything better to do? Come on, man.

Please find something else to do.

[unkownknowledge]

Hi! If you're still doing requests, could you please do some imagines for Shokichi dragging Adolf and Michelle out for a night of drinking? I feel like Adolf would end up being the designated driver lmao. Thanks!!

Sorry this took so long, I haven't had my meds and didn't want to mess this up.

I'd also like to preface this by saying I have no experience with going to a bar other than an old person bar with my grandpa so this will probably be very inaccurate.

Hope I did it justice!

---------------------------

Pre annex mission

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-while one would expect Reinhardt to be the most apprehensive to the idea, it was actually Michelle.

-Reinhardt is always happy to hang with friends(though he obviously words it differently) but Michelle?

-she thought it would be a complete waste of time to have a drink when they could be training and doing work instead.

-of course Komachi was able to convince her to come(much to Reinhardt's suprise) by pointing out that she never trains nor works that late anyway.

-after the day was done at work they all had to carpool with Michelle since she's the only one with a car(I imagine U-NASA is in america) and she drove them to a nearby bar.

-Komachi would order a whiskey or tequila, whiskey because "it's a man's drink!" And tequila because he wants the mood to be happier and what's happier that tequila?

-Reinhardt and Michelle would order beer. Michelle wouldn't care what kind because she's just there because of Komachi, but Reinhardt would much prefer german beer because it reminds him of home.

-I can also see Reinhardt getting a wine that he drinks with his wife if it's there, because no matter what she does he just can't stop having feelings for her.

-Reinhardt doesn't get drunk because his liver is now the organ that makes his electricity(headcannon) and his blood is electrified(also headcanon) do it just fries up the alchohol, but this also causes steam to rise up from his mouth and ears.

-of course it's not perfect, so he ends up having really quick drunken episodes. Problem there is that his drunkenness is 100X worse than most.

-He'll get drunk for two minutes and start rambling about various things: about how his wife is horrible, about how (insert character you ship him with) would be better as his spouse, it gets so bad he even starts shouting about how "EVERYONE IS USELESS BUT ME! IM A FUCKING POWER PLANT!"

-that last bit is just drunken talk.

-at one point Komachi and Michelle have to stop him from taking some serum and "summoning the might of the lord" down on some idiot who bumped into him and was rude about it.

-every time Michelle tries and leaves, Komachi stops her by saying, "just one more!", and eventually she gets drunk from having to many "one more beers"

-this is a bad thing.

-when Michelle gets drunk, she loses control of her powers: she grows antennae, gets explosion powers, and gets her powered up strength too.

-one hiccup causes her current glass to fly out of her hands and across the room, she breaks the bar by accident by just leaning on it, and just can't control her strength.

-worst of all? She's  extremely competitive now.

-Michelle challenges Komachi to a drinking competition, and Komachi being an idiot agrees.

-they order the most alcoholic thing in the bar and just keep doing whole bottles of it without any sign of passing out.

-the end up drinking the whole stock!

-they then order vodka(because Asimov always goes on about how much of a kick it has)

-the bartender, desperately trying to stay in business, has to drug the last two bottles of vodka so that they'll finally pass out!

-the bartender then begs Reinhardt to take them home, and since he's completely sober now he agrees and apologizes for the damages.

-I can see Reinhardt giving the bartender money out of his own pocket so that his friends dont get in trouble at work for sending U-NASA the bill.

-now for driving home, hook boy.

-I headcanon that Reinhardt, even after years of normal life, never got a driver's license(because in Germany it's not as needed) so he barely knows the laws of the german road, American roads? Good luck.

-of course he can drive, he's just trained to drive military vehicles and things that move as fast as race cars, so he drives VERY recklessly for a civilian road.

-you ever play gta or halo and you just can't drive? That's Reinhardt, it's a miracle he didn't hit anyone(well he hit Asimov but he was fine).

-the next day they all get in trouble for: using powers without permission, using powers on civilians, property damage, hitting another employee with a car(Asimov), knocking out another employee(Michelle bumped into Liu and hit him full force), shaving the heads of half the personel and a captain(Komachi gets mischievous when he's drunk and shaved Newton's head, as well as the heads of half the U-NASA staff), and various other hijinks.

-safe to say that none of them are allowed to drink without a responsible adult.

-Newton is not a responsible adult, neither is Asimov. Nor is Akari. Come to think of it the only person they can drink under the supervision of is Liu.

-also, Komachi and Adolf have to relay this information to Michelle since she's more volatile than any chemical known to man when she's hungover, and I dont mean emotionally.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Wait you said you watched the Rourke ending in youtube? Ahhshshsjs that makes a lot of sense, but I replayed that chapter so I could briefly experience them, my final choice was mc ending but not for more noble/reasonable reasons like yours (it makes more sense/the others are happier) but because I'm dramatic and I want to see them grief mc dramatically (cough-not-like-ilitw-cough) 10/10 also Quinn and Michelle seemed way closer ? Which was a nice bonus and I've enjoyed a few fanfics of them (in a lor of cases as secondary couple but nice)

Wait what are your thoughts on alestair and Estella being half siblings? Or honestly give me all your thoughts on all the crazy things because there were so many plot points, I wasn't as good as a detective as you so our thoughts were probably different <3

Also if you don't have a li Diego is the one being with you in most moments (my bff <3) and it's really heartbreaking watching all the moments when they pass all together, recommend also watching in youtube

i watched it on youtube yeah. i replayed the last chapter to check out the endless' ending but i disliked it so much i replayed AGAIN just to pick vaanu's ending again lmao jdndidm but i wasn't willing to pick rourke's. tbh i wasn't even that interested until i saw a fic that was set in rourke's ending and i was like alright i should probably check that out. i was glad i didn't pick it even to check it out cuz once it said the vaanti were in c*ncentration camps i was filled with so much disgust i dont think i couldve lived with myself if i picked that one, even out of curiosity, lol

also ur reasons are valid lmaooo. i never played ILITW sacrificing the MC (like rip noah i love u but i dont think MC sacrificing themself even makes sense in ILITW) but ive seen many ppl complain that we aren't mourned jdndidndidndod thats gotta suck

and yess quinn and michelle!!! i think i mentioned before that i shipped them quite a bit (michelle/quinn/grace ftw honestly, also like i said michelle was such a RAGING lesbian to me, her energy with every single female character was off the fucking charts). once im gone inhaling variego fic quinn and michelle are definitely next on the list

as for estela and aleister being half siblings, i DEFINITELY didnt see that one coming. altho to be fair i didn't give it a lot of thought. but it made sense i guess? idk i didnt have that many thoughts abt it other than well, at least that explains why estela is so light skinned. cuz like i love her and shes gorgeous and all but seriously. i know that there are latines who are that light skinned but no more fictional light skinned latines the world has evolved past the need for fictional light skinned latines. just once i want to consume media with unambiguously brown, clearly indigenous latines - you know, like most of us are. and estela is COLOMBIAN. like come ON man

but anyway! i think it made sense but not really in a "wow, this explains so much" way, u know? more like damn ok im accepting this. which is not a bad thing necessarily but yeah. im pretty interested in finding out how estela dealt with that knowledge afterwards, tho. like she had dedicated so much of her life to killing him and then she finds out he's her dad. which doesn't change how she feels about him in the slightest but does make her revisit everything she thought she knew about their relationship. and to know that her own father had her mom killed has to be. oof. i feel so sorry for her. she's gone through so much and she deserves to be happy, u kno

and yes, i know!!! i want to replay it without romancing anyone cuz honestly diego might be my favorite character and im just a sucker for a good platonic relationship. honestly even romancing sean id have been so much more down for diego being the one to show up when the endless shows his memories for example, u know in that "one moment repeats over and over" scene??? i think it makes more sense if it's diego than a LI even if you HAVE one. diego's relationship with the MC is definitely the strongest one because like, he literally needed us so bad we showed up already being friends, you know? hes a part of the MC more than anyone else just because of that. and that doesnt make MC's relationship with the LIs any lesser! it can even be a "soulmates are built, not found" thing which i always think is more powerful. and diego is just... really special. and i wouldve loved to see a platonic relationship take the front seat instead of being like, plan B in case u didnt date anyone. but well

either way im excited to replay without a LI and have all these moments with diego ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ i ended up not getting a lot of moments with him cuz because of the m*d i had infinite gems so i could pick as many gems scenes as i needed and most emotional diego moments were like "backup", which i only found out later and really sucked

so i have quite a few replays lined up as i want to do one replay im livereading with my friends, one to get all the clues (i think i got like, 50-something out of the 62), one to get the platonic moments with diego, and i already did one replay without spending any gems to see what the results would be. so yeah dunddid consider me hooked on this story, damn you /j

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[youngbugandtonystank]

!! an iron dad/iron spider disney plus show could address the elephant in the spider verse - what the fuck happened to ben parker? it could also give some character to aunt may x_x the writers for civil war didn't even know that may wasn't a biological parker, they though she was pete's mum's sister like?? dumbasses. give us ben cowards.

Hi!

Before giving my opinion, I want to make sure everyone who reads this understands that this is only my opinion, not a fact. I’m not encouraging you to answer, I’m not challenging you and this is not a personal insult to you. Just in case.

I agree with the Aunt May part, I feel like the MCU (after Homecoming) are slowly making her a comic relief character only.

While I respect the ship, why would they put her with Happy? I’m one of those fans that believe that mentioning Uncle Ben every five seconds is not necessary but this woman lost her husband, at least dedicate one scene to her looking at a picture of him or giving Peter a motivational speech about something related to him. That’s it. Not something big but something that has value before giving her a new love interest. 

I enjoyed FFH a lot but one thing that I didn’t understand is why did they feel the need to turn Peter’s parental figures into something simplistic when they’re almost the base of his character. Tony was suddenly just a distant mentor when in the previous movie he was one of the main important people in Tony’s life along with his wife and his best friend, they chose Peter to be in the scene where Tony dies with Pepper and Rhodey. Not even Cap was there, he was keeping his distance far away with Thor. This clearly means something. (they even made Peter doubt that Tony would ever want him as his successor), May was just the comic-relief quirky hippie aunt (they made her casually ask him if he can dodge bullets but not bananas?), and Ben is just the suitcase in this movie lmao

What about Peter’s trauma? Why instead of having May date Happy, why not put her to worry about Peter’s mental health (the kid died, saw Tony die, fought a powerful titan, fought in a war at 17, half of the planet disappeared, etc). Give her a bigger role, she only had 3min of screen time but Happy got 8? Even Mr. Harrington had 5min. And instead of putting the other Avengers like Captain America (people Peter hardly knew) in the hallucination, why not May? Peter must be scared shitless about losing another parental figure after what happened to him.

Tony got 30 seconds, which is understandable because he’s unfortunately dead but I would rather see flashbacks of him and Peter working together, doing something together to solidify the connection between them to the public than watching Peter make a plan on how to date a girl. There’s time for that in other movies, I’m sure Tom Holland will get his contract even more extended for Spider-Man after SM3.

Maybe I’m wrong and the reason they’re focusing a lot on other aspects is because they’re really planning on including Spider-Man in a very possible Young Avengers movie and the characters in Peter’s life (May, Tony, Ned, Flash, Liz, Betty, Michelle) will only get cameos in future movies. Either way, I’m kinda scared they’re going to erase that part of Peter’s life. I don’t know if someone else feels this way.

ALSO

I wanted to see this friendship and their co-parenting skills:

[frumfrumfroo]

What are your favorite movies and TV shows outside of SW? I’m looking for new things to watch since SW was so disappointing

My tastes are pretty eclectic, so I will stick to just things that are either similar to sw or are in the reylo-esque romance wheelhouse and have happy endings:

Chuck. It is a goofy, light-hearted action-adventure show with extremely endearing characters and a very prominent central romance (seriously, heavy romance and there is a lot of payoff for it, you will be FED- it's kind of slow burn but also shockingly NOT slow burn, they are deep into it pretty much immediately). The main couple is the classic Stoic Badass gradually softened by an innocent they have to protect who is a liability in battle but full of the Power of Heart. Chuck is The Heart btw. He is of that vanishingly rare male Beauty (of B&tB) type. He's incredibly generous and open, Sarah is prickly and closed-off. It is Quality. Very much a gender-swap of your typical cliche anime couple lol. I would recommend stopping at the mid-season finale in season 4, because it's downhill from there. The beginning of season 3 is very rough, but it's definitely worth it to stay for the back half, imo. There are several great endings to choose from before things go to shit, so we don't need to talk about the finale. Probably the most tonally similar to SW thing possible without being high/space fantasy. More humour, more silly, but definitely has a spiritual kinship. Has the best THE BEST 'secret revealed' scenes I have ever seen in anything. If you're into that and were hoping for that in ep IX, you need to watch Chuck.

The Shop Around the Corner. 1940 romance/drama film. You've Got Mail is a remake of it. Jimmy Stewart being profoundly adorable, Frank Morgan (aka the Wizard of Oz), various amusing side characters, and an absolutely deathless double blind 'secretly in love with the workplace nemesis' plot that can and probably has been a great reylo AU.

Mirromask. Fantasy/coming-of-age film. Touted as a 'spiritual successor' to Labyrinth by the filmmakers (one of whom is Neil Gaiman) and let me tell you, that is extremely apt. Beautiful, magical, laden with symbolism and Mask Discourse, and has a great ship. I quote it regularly.

Speaking of which, I'm sure you've seen Labyrinth? If you haven't seen Labyrinth, drop everything and watch Labyrinth.

Legend (the Ridley Scott director's cut, not the theatrical cut). Sumptuous fairy tale, runs on proper fairy tale logic, stunning to look at and overall captivating. Tim Curry. Tim Curry as a lonely tragic lord of darkness who tries to seduce the heroine and has drippingly overwrought monologues.

Howl's Moving Castle. Fairy tale adventure/romance film. Beautifully animated, has the ending you want.

The Silence of the Lambs. Thriller/drama film. Actual masterpiece. Use it as a gateway drug to read the books and rejoice that Clannibal is canon and it is spectacular. Just SotL and Hannibal, you don't need to read the other two. Stan Clarice Starling and revel in that ending. Most triumphant 'villain'/heroine ship of all time (he is not technically a villain but for shorthand's sake).

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. Terry Gilliam 1988 fantasy/adventure film. THE TRIUMPH OF IDEALISM OVER CYNICS I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW HEALING IT WAS TO WATCH AFTER THE TROS BULLSHIT HIT. Jonathan Pryce's spiritual villain is basically Chris Terrio and it is cathartic to see imagination and sentiment conquer him.

Sabrina. 1995 romance film. Modern fairy tale with Harrison Ford. Rejecting what you thought you wanted all your life for the thing you actually need, growing up but still believing in magic, beautiful character development across all the leads. Could be (and is irrc) a fantastic reylo AU.

The Scarlet Pimpernel. 1934 adventure film. High romance, secret identities, play-acting, people who aren't at all what they appear to be, falling in love with your own spouse, Big Heroism, guile and wit and audacity. It makes me do little kicks like a happy baby. This is one of the 3-5 films constantly tied for my favourite film of all time. There is a good quality rip free on youtube. Watch it and fall in love with Leslie Howard (this is possibly my favourite acting performance of all time).

Oh, related note. Pygmalion 1938 or My Fair Lady. (The musical is based on this film and borrows from it heavily, including its much more romantic ending compared to the original play.)

The Mummy. 1999 action/adventure/romance film. Very tonally similar to sw. A fucking great time, A+ characters.

EVER AFTER. 1998 romance film. The flawless and perfect and best ever Cinderella adaptation. This is the most satisfying film in history, maybe, the ending is so good it is amazing it exists. Also, it has Richard O'Brien being slimy. Huge selling point. Grapples with identity and stewardship, is brilliant.

Fruits Basket. drama/romance anime. I haven't watched the new version yet, but it's following the manga so I know the story. The original anime didn't do the whole plot (because they caught up with the source material) but it's wonderful and I still recommend it. The central ship is (spoiler.........) a B&tB type where we eventually discover the main love interest both feels like a figurative monster and turns into a literal monster. He has an incredible speech about his relationship with people's fear, it makes me weep. I called the endgame from the first episode and always thought it was obvious, but there is a red herring love triangle dynamic. It's really not annoying, though, because it is a red herring. (I hate love triangles)

I am Dragon. Russian monster romance film. Beautiful, simple fable with a really great heroine.

Jane Eyre. 1943 Gothic Romance film. It's Jane Eyre, byronic hero x sensible heroine love story with much atmosphere and Gothic drama. I stan this version because I am an Orson Welles fangirl and I'm also not convinced it can be improved upon. Elizabeth Taylor's film debut btw.

Hellboy. 2004 action/adventure/romance film. Defying destiny, reconciling identity, monster romance. The complete package and a great time. Tonally similar to SW and probably thematically closest to it out of this whole list. Don't watch the sequel.

Beauty and the Beast 1987 tv series. Exactly what it says on the tin. Deals with the classic B&tB themes, but in a different way. He's not cursed and will never transform into an ordinary man. The first season is very episodic and 'case of the week', but the second season gets more into character drama. It's dated, but if you give it a chance you can get past some of the cheese factor and it's really a unique experience. Its concerns are SO atypical that it feels like something fandom would make rather than a mainstream network show. It was so massively, insanely popular with women at the time that a record of Vincent (the beast) reading poetry topped the album charts. Also Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton. Stop at season two. Point of interest: George RR Martin wrote for this show.

Stargate (the movie not the series) sci-fi fantasy about a nerdy guy who accidentally a hero.

Possession. 2009... mystery/supernatural/romance. Okay. This is a whole thing. Lee Pace and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It's based on a Korean film I've never been able to find for some reason, but being Hollywood they ruined the romanticism and nuance of the original in the theatrical cut to make a shitty punative ending. However. If you buy it on dvd and go to the alternate ending (which follows the original story) with around 20 minutes left (scene after Lee Pace's character wakes from a bad dream-go to deleted scenes and select the alternate ending), you will get a very, very interesting character study/thriller/redemption about sincerity within deception, compassion, and a major question about second chances with a positive answer. It's kind of dark and kind of astonishingly idealistic at the same time. The heroine makes a very powerful choice, twice over. It's fascinating. If you're into the conflicted and uncertain period in reylo, the part where he is most ambiguous, and you wanted more of that and much darker shades to it, you might be really into this. Also, it should be noted, there is a MASSIVE height difference and they show it off. The film is flawed (and the seams show on the Hollywood rewrite) but idk, it's fascinating. Shocking to me that they even got to shoot the original ending. It is pretty balls to the wall with its themes on forgiveness.

I would recommend getting into kdramas because there is a wealth of female-gaze tropey amazing content, but always check the ending before getting invested. My all-time fave is the 1st Shop of Coffee Prince, but it's not sw related at all lmao. It has a happy ending with all the elements you'd want, but it's not satisfying in execution, so that's it's major flaw and I find that pretty common with kdramas. One that is maybe more relevant is My Love from Another Star, which has a hero who is a little bit like Ben in personality. The heroine isn't my favourite, though. It does have a decent ending.

Oh yeah- brain fart. Kurosawa films and classic westerns were both very influential on SW. Or you can combine both and watch The Magnificent Seven.

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#20)

wow 4x09 was political AF, noting for future projects I have in the works ;)

let’s do it, under the cut:

Damnnn they’re showing Vince getting stuck with having to check a box on his application already??? “have you been arrested?” Per Michelle Alexander, the prison industrial complex creates a permanent underclass who can be legally discriminated against even after being released from jail 🙃

Oh shit Becky’s pregnant?! Wait who did she have sex with? Do we know? Did she have sex with Luke??

Eric Taylor discovering the dangerous part of East Dillon so cluelessly in his full East Dillon High pullover and lil shorts — I’m both dying at everyone trolling him and thinking about how it’s insane to think this aspect of Dillon has been invisible to Eric across town for 3.5 seasons seemingly. That’s some white ass privilege! (Also I hope Tinker is okay since Eric never actually finds him, the whole reason he was there?)

lol Julie and Tami’s bickering about who made the decision for her to sign up for habitat for humanity 😂

“It’s a matter of resources.” (That they don’t give to poor Black and Brown communities.) Eric Taylor Discovers Black Struggle!

Glen, you’re literally the worst. Why did you come over to Eric to tell him about this I can’t !!!! “I just got so excitable.” GLEN ARE YOU AN ADULT HUMAN WHAAAAT I’m dead at this entire interaction, Eric’s reactions are priceless too 😂😭

lmao JD McCoy called his math teacher a bitch, who’s surprised not me

Ah, Katie McCoy finally left Joe?!

“We have a little history, you know. Before she started playing for the other team...” I hate you buddy that’s a gross thing to say about an out lesbian woman but why would I expect more from you

Is this the actor who played Peyton’s stalker brother on one tree hill clearly being set up as Julie’s habitat for humanity love interest? I’m sorry but I can’t unsee him being cheerleader kicked by Peyton and Brooke, he is giving the bad vibes. (I mean also he’s in a position of relative authority over a teen girl flirting so YIKES.)

Damn prison industrial complex — Vince already not being able to find a job as a teenager bc he has a record and begging his white coach to be a reference is why we say abolish the police by the way

Ahhhh okay Becky clearly DID sleep with Luke. “I’m pregnant, it’s yours, and I need an abortion. It’s like $300.” Damn. Just more of why we need universal healthcare (and universal comprehensive sex education.)

“He just wanted to tell me about a little experience he had at a karaoke party.” LMAOOOOO

“You’re getting kissed by so many people over at the school you can’t even remember to talk to me about it?” I was fully laughing at this convo and how it was mostly Eric teasing. That’s a good marriage.

“I think we need a date.” “I’ll go on a date with you.” Awww seriously relationship goals

“You an idiot, Buddy. You an idiot for thinking your Snow White ass could make a difference.” L O L

Wowww Buddy did not just whitesplain organizing to jess’s dad at the barbecue shop after someone he knows saw one (1) shooting in a neighborhood seemingly riddled with violence — I can’t

creeped out by this dude Ryan from habitat for humanity — clearly older than Julie and they’re alone and he’s asking her to go out for food? This is super predatory.

ew! does Ryan make it a habit of making out with high school students he supervises volunteering at habitat for humanity in the house they’re building?! Gross

AHHHH omfg D’ANGELO FROM THE WIRE IS THE EX GANG MEMBER HELPING THEM WITH CARROLL PARK?!?! Amazing! All The Wire cameos! (Jeff and I are on S4 now if anyone’s interested lol.)

“Do you really want to make a difference or are you just feeling sad bc you saw a boy get shot?” Great fucking line, YES.

“This is what we need: we need money, for programs. And not just this week when there’s a kid in the hospital.” YES GO OFFFFF

Of course everyone can agree football is somehow the solution lmao oh Dillon

“I’m so glad some smart person told you to do this.” Tami is exactly what my mom was like growing up, I love it.

Ooooof Vince working for Jess’s dad, the tension between them again in that one moment she’s fighting with him about the toilet is better than all her scenes with Landry sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

This Tim and Becky back and forth with the kisses even tho they’re clearly more compatible as friends is too much

Michael B. Jordan’s looking at Landry like, how is this dude winning in this love triangle? And I’m like, yeah same bro.

Oooof I knew the “just like my mom” part was gonna come up. Poor Becky 🥺 Aw Luke is SO sweet tho saying he hasn’t been sleeping bc he’s worried about her.

Oh geez wait no...Luke’s starting to veer into anti choicer territory, haha don’t do that you’re so cute. “Will you just take me home?” Yeah, go home Becky, Jesus.

I feel like Vince just made an enemy oh nooo 😱

Tami and Buddy trying to politely greet every gang member walking into the park is killing me

“Do you have any knowledge of how we might get past the padlock on the switch box?” LOL Im laughing at Eric jumping the fence too!

Sometimes I cringe when I see the assistant coaches wearing red ball caps out of habit and then I have the sinking realization this is Texas and half of them probably *would* be trump voters 🤢

Yesss to Eric singling out this middle school kid who’s good and telling him to come play with him when he gets to East Dillon High! It doesn’t fix the problem but it’s a start.

“You know it’s not lost on me that I owe you a date.” Awww

“Damn I love you.” “Damn I love you too babe.” 😭 crazy how Eric and Tami Taylor invented marriage

Glad Becky finally told Tim she was pregnant but I continue to ship them only platonically yeeesh

[ober-affen-geil]

My Roswell Rewatch liveblog

Episode 2x03 AKA Things Blow Up In People’s Faces Literally and Figuratively

would definitely like to learn more about what exactly makes up the ship

also why are they shiny? like skin wise. is that something to do with the environment of the ship?

and what are their necklaces?  is that significant?

“WOAH” YEAH ALEX THATS ONE REACTION TO WALKING IN ON MICHAEL FISTING A POD LMAO

the infamous sup bro hahahaha

CAMMMMMM

the tobasco ahahahaha love the reference

SANDERS

omg i love this scene they’re so cute

isobel i would fee

l bad for you but you keep walking in on this shit so really this is your own fault

ugh siblings i die

noooo rosa nooooo

yessssss

STARSHIP TROOPERS is actually a really great commentary scifi film. shit movie but great commentary

ohhhh figment!max yes. love how they put him in the exact outfit he was in the picture

“for weeks” HOW MANY WEEKS PLEASE TELL

“excuse me i need to go vomit” that shouldnt be funny

YES CAM AND MICHAEL BANTER YAS

oh ouch. i do wish michael had been able to tell EITHER of the people he was involved with himself but. there it is

UGH MARIA I DIE

oh THATS the other scene of alex stowing his cover

big fan of the dynamic between cam and liz

also liz why do you have wine in the lab. CAM WHY DO YOU HAVE WHISKEY IN THE CAR

alex you are not subtle tbh you’re lucky he’s on morphine (not that he’s not aware apparently)

LOL DAMN RIGHT HE WAS NEVER THE SAME

poor rosa

yes it is very obvious that cam’s bottle is still full and liz’s is half empty haha

i thought it was established already that rosa was bipolar? like, in the pilot?

also a fan of how she asks him questions and he never actually answers for himself because of course “he” can’t, this was very well written imo

nooooooo poor maria

but also rosa here is honestly great

also damn michelle vicious

POOR LIZ

HER FACE LMAO

isobel is fucking great

“blaming michael for so long” i love the sibling shit here

“keep reaching for you” FUCK my HEART

i wanted MORE from this scene its AMAZING go off heather

that blanket looks so cozy

and this scene is so important its excellent

michael is making you stronger lol

“taller than me” AHAHAHAHA

“different kinds of dumb too” love them

THANK YOU CAM I WAS SO MAD ABOUT THAT IRRESPONSIBILTY

is there like, a class about exactly how to dramatically stab people in the chest with large needles?

mostly. mostly dead alien twin

UGH MARIA AGAIN

this scene is so great but i would have LOVED TO SEE MORE OF BEFORE

and that she loves them enough to make sure liz can take care of rosa i cry

SUP BRO

so we have fire, tk, sonic scream (how do they have sonic scream and not music wtf), cell manipulation, mental manipulation...fun times

“you know a mother fighting for her baby when you see one” FUCK. ME. UP.

UGH PAIN

nooooo rosa baby 

would have loved to see like a montage of michaels research for completely self indulgent reasons

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[aenslem]

Doctor Who Tag Game

Tagged by: @thirteenstardisfam thank youu and i am so sorry it is so super long lmao i did not mean too, but somehow ended up with it, and also i think i will make fandom hate me for some stuff about 11, but i love him! don’t you dare to think otherwise :’D

im tagging: @tennant @luke-skywalker @panlyra @stupidape @buffyrosenbergs @expelliarmus idk who of you whovians wanna do it out there feel free to say i tagged you and go on ;)

Favourite Doctor:  still Ten, i love 12 and 13 almost as much, even if not harder atm, but if it comes to choosing 1 fav doctor then it’s always Ten, so far no one stepped higher for me :’D I loved his era, i loved so many episodes with him, his season arcs, his companions, his relationships with everyone, and this is the only Doctor whose regeneration was smooth for me, he was continuation of Ninth Doctor and it felt like that. I was not like ‘but he is so different in so many ways’ nope, never. Maybe it’s because companions were the same, everyone was still around which was great btw, and I fell in love with the show with Tenth Doctor, dare I say that I stopped watching back then when Matt Smitt became doctor? lmao, must be shock for some but yes, I dropped this show because of THAT lmao??now i laugh at my own self but yeah, i did. where’s everyone, why it feels so different? that was huge nope. Only years later I got back into it, thanks to amazing Michelle Gomez. Actually I was not even going to watch other doctors at that moment, but I watched episodes only with Missy, then i said well it’s not bad I like it and Missy and Twelve were?? OOOF LOVES OF MY LIFE FOR SURE because their relationship were so cool and of course i loved it, so i started a huge rewatch, the first since i dropped the show. Fell in love with Doctor/Master all over again, Ten was as amazing as I remembered, Nine was perfect and I love him too!!! and then... i got to s5... oh god, i was like, let’s give him a chance, what do i lose? but it still felt so weird, and the show was so different, and suddenly everyone else is so important but where are old characters? but i got into it because i have already seen some of 12′s episodes and i got used to the style?? i guess. and then River appeared, not because of her but around episode 5 or 6 i was into it already, not as much as i was before but anyway, maybe weeping angels helped because i loved them and it reminded me of Ten, i felt some kind of a connection to old doctor. I liked River with 10, i thought i will like her with 11 too... but alas, still felt like you know those boys who have never had sex but try to act like they know everything about it and hit on every moving thing and think they do it cool? :D i am sorry if i hurt someone’s feelings with it, but that’s how 11 was for me back then, and while I do understand river/11 it’s the least of all river ships for me, 11 is still the least fav doctor because of those feelings i had back then when i stopped watching, they are not rational i know that now but still feel them, but i love him now, and will protect that kid at all costs! i love ponds, i will kill if anyone says anything bad about Rory Williams! and Amy and Rory? quoting my favorite star trek couple? DUDE WE GO TOGETHER OR NOT AT ALL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! and even if i was not into all river/11 relationship i loved the story, and of course i liked 12, but s8 still feels like what the hell for me, not because of the doctor but because they tried so hard to show clara as bossy, i mean, i liked her with 11 and then suddenly they turn her into some control freak, it was not so MUCH with 11... but i know now why they did it, so Missy’s words have an effect and all. but still, i love clara before and after s8 :’D s9 clara? i will kill for her too. it’s too long but idk  :’D and actually, this shows that if you give it a chance even if you don’t like actor/actress at first - you might love the show ;) so stop acting like jodie is miscast honestly, i am ready to fight anyone for saying that :D say whatever you want about plot choices, but do not fucking act like it’s Jodie’s fault! actors are not responsible for show runner choices. She acts amazing with the material she has. anyway, 10 is my fav idiot!

Favourite Master: Missy, always was and always shall be. My favorite character in general in the show, no one tops my girl!

Favourite Sonic: honestly? i don’t really remember any sonic but 12′s glasses :D so... glasses. I mean, i don’t really care how it looks like, it does its job... most of the time lmao, but i liked those glasses and the thing with browser history was my fav :D

Favourite Companion: oh it’s soooo hard!!! either Donna or Bill. I can’t choose. but yeah, those are both with whom there were no ‘romantic’ relationship implied, i love friends more than couples. and I just loved 10 and Donna as a team and Bill and 12, i still wish they had more time. also Martha, the smartest companion lol she was amazing.

Favourite Story: anything involving The Master :D all episodes with them are my favs, but i can’t just pick one story, i still remember the first episode i watched back when it was airing and are you my mummy stuck in my head for the rest of my life giving me brrrr feeling, like it was not scary but somehow made me super uncomfortable? also vashta nerada?? duuuuude, you can’t just look at the shadow the same way. and ten/river together were really great, i mean, he did not know who is she, the mystery, i love shit like that?? yeesss!!!!! there are so many great ones. I don’t want to choose.

Favourite Soundtrack: that unreleased tiny melody when the master dies in the last of the time lords T--T and this is gallifrey and clara’s theme! those are my favs. and I also really like 11′s theme, kinda ready for adventures and doing some weird but funny shit :D

Dream Actor for next Doctor: ooooof OOOOF dude! you know what, usually it is one actor for 3 seasons, that’s how it was for the last 3 doctors, i want Jodie to break that rule and stay with us for 4th season as well, i just want to see how pissed off those haters will be lmao i really really think the entire timeless child thing will not feel the same with someone else yet, and i don’t think they will reveal much in 13th season, that’s HUGE thing, or they should make it so good and the next doctor... aaah i don’t want to feel that change again, like i did with 10 to 11, and felt with the every next doctor, but i overcome that shit and just give them a chance, it’s the doctor after all and im sure loving all of them now. not sure it can disappoint me even if most of plot choices in the season are ... weak. idk who, there are so many great actors but whoever i choose will not be as great as someone they choose, because they always somehow cast amazing people, but i agree with emily it’s time for a doctor of color! tho, they can’t go back to white male actor right now, i just can imagine how it will look like, with all the hate Jodie received and how people still whine about female doctor, it will look like they tried and decided to go back to white male doctors, one half will be happy but the other one will eat them alive! so yeah, i am pretty sure it’s not gonna be white man again yet lol

Dream Composer: idk

Dream Story: well, considering 13 is in jail now, i would love to see someone “we know” rescuing her, because honestly if they just showed me jack and left it like that, i will not accept it!!! but also since yaz will be the only one left with the doctor, since bradley and tosin leave the show, i hope we will have some yaz and doctor relationship development without anyone else, maybe jack could stay because i love him, but jack’s presence did not hurt doctor and rose relationship development back then, so it should not hurt now also. but if they bring someone new, at least don’t make it right away, let yaz and 13 have an adventure at least 1 episode, some talk and stuff. so when yaz leaves also... (and i kind of had that stupid feeling that yaz will die in the end, because somehow everything hints on that for me? idk maybe it’s because i rewatched and giffed orphan 55 today and vilma (?) telling yaz to run and stay alive kinda felt like something that hints on yaz’s future... and yaz is always going somewhere without thinking, to random alien ship, to save the doctor, she steps into trouble like a doctor hoping everything will somehow be ok, but im not even sure she hopes, it’s more like i am as good as her so i can do it, not in clara’s way when everything hinted she is like the doctor, because let’s be honest she was and even got her own tardis, but she thinks she is, but she is not, i think some day that might end bad for her... so when she also leaves i don’t want it be like well yeah, what’s next? i mean, i still miss Bill, that was like NOOOOOO with tears and screams for me, i loved Bill! and we had 2 seasons with yaz and i still don’t feel the same connection to any of the current companions atm, so i would like the show to make me love them more, i do love them, just not as much as those i still miss, but im sure defending any of them lmao i love them anyway. you know what i mean...

A Companion You’d like to see back: oh OH. we cant bring them back for entire season right? but doctor can meet Donna at some point, which will have no point lmao cos she doesn’t remember and it will only hurt doctor and i don’t see how her appearance will help any plot, it will be just fanservice cameo. But Bill is out there with Heather, they are powerful creatures now, i think it could somehow fit into the story, I want Bill back. But also, Clara is still one heartbeat away from death, she can be out there, and she has tardis. tiny cameos will be fine for me :D and Martha, but also Madam Vastra and Jenny, Kate and Osgood, where they are??? bring them back and it can make sense, their appearances. I mean, imagine someone from UNIT in s11, not unit itself but osgood??? it would feel so much different. 

An Enemy/Alien/Creature you’d like to see again: weeping angels!!!! OOOF they were creepy, and i love them, like, DON’T BLINK!!! how can you not blink for so long? that is cool, i want them back. and also the most beautiful shots are always with angels so... :’D

If you could travel with one of the Doctors, which Doctor and why?: oooh, while 10 is my fav, and I totally would hit on 13 :D i will choose 12, 12 from season 10, because he was such a grandpa, no lovey dovey stuff, he would lecture me on thing i do, give me new info about something, we would explore shit together and he would be like a grandpa i never had. We would definitely have long discussions about stuff and have good laugh together and i would make references to movies and then we would watch those movies :D i would act like Bill lmao yess i want to travel with 12!!!

[thunderheadfred]

If you're doing the OC questions, how about 41 for Jane and Garrus, 33 for Albacus and 28 for Nihlus? Hopefully that's not too many?

Not too many at all! Thank you for asking!! :D

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?Jane and Garrus are both bisexual - in Jane’s case this is mentioned explicitly (she fools around with some asari on the Citadel, and seems to have a bit of an itty bitty crush on Liara) whereas with Garrus it’s more a matter of leaving things open to interpretation (as far as it’s relevant to Red Streak) but I definitely consider him bi, and I’ve tried to leave the language about his previous sexual experience - with other turians in particular - gender neutral. 

In her own words, Jane has a soft spot for loudmouths with hearts of gold. Regardless of species, she’s physically attracted to people who are unpretentious yet disciplined - she wants to know you work out, but she doesn’t want to hear you bragging about how much. Plus she’s got an uncomfortable fixation on turians males in particular, and it makes her worry that she’s got some Freudian problems… and maybe she does, haha. In a relationship, she needs space. Lots and lots of space. I don’t think she’s comfortable with the idea of being  “a couple” with anyone. Relationships would be low-key, private, arguably hidden, because she doesn’t want to advertise what she sees as a massive, person-sized weak spot. 

Garrus is a lot less picky. I imagine he’s slept with… ahaaaaa… a lot of people. Always for fun, always a great time, but never for keeps. When people get attached (like Dr. Michel), he feels like he’s been dishonest, somehow, because we all know why he was sleeping through half the human population on the Citadel. In a relationship? He’s never really let himself explore anything serious yet, he’s been too chickenshit, and too afraid of missing his chance to find that mystery woman again. But I’d guess he needs honesty, first and foremost. Relationship “rules” and romantic crap and maintaining the mystery would all chafe. Just be honest. Hell, leave the bathroom door open and brag about what you’re doing, he doesn’t care, as long as you’re not making shit up.

Get… get it?

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?Oh my god, I’m sorry. Envisioning Albacus in granny panties is terrifying, hahahaha. I don’t really know what kind of underoos turians wear, but I imagine Albacus is used to some expensive ones, and has to get used to like… crates of garbage retrofitted tighty-whitey equivalents as he settles into life on a human colony. That’s pretty goofy to think about, LMAO.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?Oooh this is a good question. Nihlus has been pretty tight-lipped about his past, but we know his dad was a mercenary wife-beating scumbag, basically. I think most of who Nihlus grows into - this stoic, snooty cosmopolitan, a guy who seems like he’s absolutely always in control, the ultimate lone-gun Council Spectre - is based around the idea of being a better person than his father was. He does all he can to avoid inheriting his father’s legacy of selfishness, and to do it, he had to claw his way out of a deep pit of violent, abusive, Terminus lowlifes who only cared about the next payoff. By the time Shepard meets him, Nihlus is operating alone and has a difficult time making interpersonal connections, but that’s not because he wants to be alone, at least not deep down. His reticence and outward chill are founded in the same fear: a fear of hurting people unintentionally, or even worse, hurting people without any remorse at all. 

No matter how close he and Saren might have been (I don’t ship them romantically, but I imagine Saren was a bit of a surrogate dad to a very angry, very malleable teen Nihlus), when Nihlus watched Saren growing more and more corrupt, he saw his father in that growing shadow, and finally gave up on his would-be mentor and oldest friend.

Super Detailed Questions Meme

[floraldeerprince]

I was tempted to say Professor Layton, but no I am good frien I think so MCU for the fandom?

| Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Quicksilver he is my Son

Least Favorite character: uhhhhh k unpopular opinion but Peter Parker’s friend in homecoming?????? idk i just found him annoying :////

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): o fucc uhhhhh Steve/Bucky, Eric/Charles, Steve/Tony, Peter/Michelle and Bruce/Some Goddamn Peace

Character I find most attractive: Michelle from Homecoming \o/

Character I would marry: Tony Stark 

Character I would be best friends with: T H O R

A random thought: im rly not that into MCU im making half of this shit up lmao

An unpopular opinion: see least fav character also ngl the homecoming movie dragged a lil for me like personally i found it easy to see all the conflict that was coming and it just made it more painful tbh

My canon OTP: Tony/Pepper

Non-canon OTP: Steve/Bucky

Most badass character: M I C H E L L E

Pairing I am not a fan of: Vision/Wanda

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): (in the comics) Captain America we all know why 

Favourite friendship:Thor and everyone

[cortexifansquint]

criminal minds for the fandom ask!

Thanks!

Top 5 favourite characters: Emily, JJ, Morgan, Garcia, RossiOther characters you like: Luke, Kate, Tara, BlakeLeast favourite characters: Hotch I guess? Like, zero dislike, but I’m more indifferent to him than other characters. Otps: Derek x Emily, JJ x EmilyNotps: don’t really haveFavourite friendships: Morgan/Prentiss/Reid, Favourite family: JJ & kiddos are adorableFavourite episodes: Hit/Run, Minimal Loss, Children of the Dark, Valhalla/Lauren, 100, L.D.S.K, Revelations, Penelope, In Name and Blood, Derek, Compulsion, 200, Demons, The Fisher King, Profiler Profiled, 52 Pickup, Demonology, The Company, Omnivore, The Black QueenFavourite season/book/movie: 3, 2, 8Favourite quotes: “Best musical moment: “As it Seems” during JJ’s wedding reception, “Sympathy for the Devil” & “The Funeral” in the beginning and end of “Revelations”, Garcia coming in as The Black Queen with “Bootylicious” playing, “My Side of the Story” from demonologyMoment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: When it really disappointed you: the fire, hire, then fire and re-hire debacle of S6/7. Introducing Maeve just to have her killed. Saddest moment: Hayley’s death, dozens of victim’s family scenesMost well done character death: Gideon, just because of the pettiness. They killed him off 8 seasons after his departure and had JJ & Garcia eating his mint ice cream like inches from where his body was found lmaoFavourite guest star: Michelle Trachtenberg was cool. Favourite cast member: AJ probably, I’ve been a fan the longest (and most of her filmography is atually watchable lol)Character you wish was still alive: Maeve

One thing you hope really happens: idek anymore at this point I’m mainly watching for the characters/actors

Most shocking twist: drawing a blankWhen did you start watching/reading?: Mid-S3Best animal/creature: Sergio! Favourite location: The bullpen and Garcia’s office have all the best momentsTrope you wish they would stop using: killing off male characters’ wives/girlfriends for man pain arcsOne thing this show/book/film does better than others: yikes lol, well I guess all the deep friendships and not turning any of them into romances. Also the way they handled Morgan’s character. He has all the makings of what would normally be a f*ckboy, but he isn’t. How the male characters aren’t weird about hugging and being affectionate with each other.  Funniest moments: Brad the “real fbi agent” will always be iconic. “Talk dirty to me”. Couple you would like to see: Demily or Jemily, but alas no inter-team relationships and one half of each of these ships are married with children so…Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: oh gosh, this cast is already a revolving door and musical chairs! Favourite outfit: Favourite item: Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: Just the DVD’s + the second paley panel What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: I have little in common with every character so I have no idea! Probably hang out in Garcia’s office.  Most boring plotline: The Replicator arc was pretty anticlimacticMost laughably bad moment: The unsub that flew away in a tornado with the body in No Place Like HomeBest flashback/flashfoward if any: All the scenes with Morgan and his father. Goth!Garcia meeting Hotch and Morgan for the first time. All the Lauren Reynolds stuff. The Jemily flashback on the jet in 200. Most layered character: Morgan and Prentiss I think. Most one dimensional character: I think they’re all pretty layer-y idkScariest moment: CM is more disturbing than scaryGrossest moment: That unsub that was feeding people parts of a decomposing headBest looking male: Derek and LukeBest looking female: JJWho you’re crushing on (if any): Favourite cast moment: Wheels up video, Paley panels, MGG Unauthorized Documentaries, gag reels, AJ Kirsten and Paget doing that lady killers or something photoshoot a while backFavourite transportation: The JetMost beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you:  I notice stuff but it doesn’t necessarily bother me since it’s a case of the week thing. 200 was ?? but hey it’s JJJ centric + Jemily-ness. Best promo: The one with all their faces in the dark talking about serial killers At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: Late S3