#Mel made him get used to to having his actions and words defended. justified in ways that would benefit him

[tortademaracuya]

Tristán is what still being friends in your 20s with that girl you had the toxic codependent homoerotic reationship with in your youth is like

[aion-rsa]

Salma Hayek in Savages is One of the Most Underrated Movie Gangsters

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“You thought I wouldn’t notice,” cartel boss Elena Sánchez (Salma Hayek) demands of her loyal caporegime Ludo (a physically and emotionally imposing Benicio del Toro). The brutal and effective killer does not defend himself when the head of his family, and boss of bosses, slaps him with the force of a bull whip. He doesn’t even flinch. That would mean death. Oliver Stone’s Savages may not be his most renowned mob movie offering, but Hayek’s drug lord is one of cinema’s most groundbreaking gangsters.

Stone is no stranger to iconic gangsters. He wrote the screenplay for Brian De Palma’s Scarface, which brought Al Pacino’s coke-fueled Cuban political asylum seeker, Tony Montana, into celluloid’s perennial rogue’s gallery. For his 2012 cartel twist of a gangster film, Savages, Stone let Hayek reset the template. Her Elena Sánchez is street smart, tech savvy and a wiz at business. Her venture is so cut-throat, her underlings sever heads in their enthusiasm. Sánchez commands that much loyalty. Her gang decapitates wayward members, rivals and other stray wolves to bring lambs into the fold. They capture the proceedings on video which they send as messages in introductory offers of hostile takeovers.

Our ostensible heroes in this environment are Ben (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Chon (Taylor Kitsch), who’ve been friends since high school. Ben went to Berkeley and took botany classes; Chon went into the military and took seeds. The latter’s tour of duty in Iraq left him seething with trauma but well-trained tactically. His tour in Afghanistan left him tactless, but introduced him to the finest marijuana in the known world. The pair now run a multimillion-dollar cani-business in the era when the plant was on the verge of becoming legalized on the West Coast. They, and their mutual live-in girlfriend O (Blake Lively), are idealists, using their new wealth to invest in philanthropy. Sánchez’s cartel wants them to join the “family.” It is a renowned and venerable matriarchy.

Sánchez’s enterprise is larger than Vito Corleone’s in The Godfather, but then she is a wise and tough-nurturing godmother. Nicknamed La Reina, the boss of the Mexican Baja Cartel doesn’t merely conquer her competitors, she destroys idealism. To get the thing she wants, Elena kidnaps the thing Ben and Chon love most, O. This is a talent, discovering the things which people most treasure. When Tom Hagen reported back to his don in The Godfather, the family father discerned the Hollywood bigshot Jack Woltz loved his prized racehorse more than any other thing on earth. He sent a message.

Elena’s most potent message is a niche-meme of sorts. While streaming live footage of O in tortuous circumstances, she cuts to an animation of O’s head popping off, leaving an ever-increasing stain of blood which ultimately covers the screen. That’s her horse’s head. This is a message movie and that’s “the word.”  Hayek is a versatile performer. She brought black comedy subtlety to her roles in The Faculty and Dogma; sensual earth tones to Frida; and romantic fantasy into Once Upon a Time In Mexico. She ratted out her gangster boss in Everly, but made her bones as an assassin in The Hitman’s Bodyguard. Hayek has also proven herself a master thief, stealing From Dusk Till Dawn with one scene which she shared with George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, and a snake. In Savages, Hayek is allowed to be something female characters are routinely denied: ruthless, amoral, and savage.

Hayek presents a straightforward boss with strong family values. Elena Sánchez took over the cartel after the deaths of her husband and twin sons, but there is no room for irony for the Black Widow character. Hayek expertly balances public bravado and private sorrow. Elena is wise, like someone who paid attention to the lessons of different generations. Warnings about getting high on your own supply, and underestimating the other guy’s greed, would sound perfectly natural coming out her mouth. She’s the antithesis of her prisoner, whom she calls Ophelia after sensing the young woman exudes the need for a mother’s accumulated knowledge. Elena’s own actual daughter similarly rejects the past in the movie, but this is a gangster film tradition, sadly. Every mob boss wants their children to move into a thriving legitimate world. Elena says her daughter is “ashamed of me and I’m proud of her for it.”

The gangland dictator’s only vulnerability is her teenage daughter. It is also Elena’s strength. A mob godfather chalks blood up as an expense. Elena, the mother, is not only capable of doing anything for her children, but also justifying any action because it is done for her children. She only took over the cartel because her son was weak and would have been killed. This makes her character fearless.  

Regardless of the hard-bodied eye candy, Taylor-Johnson, Kitsch, and Lively are bland next to Hayek and del Toro, who see entitlement and philanthropy as disgusting conceits of wealth and soft privilege. Lively’s Ophelia is not a deep, William Shakespeare tragic figure. She’s Paris Hilton in a hemp halter top, a seeming trophy for the nouveau stoner rich. O neither shocks nor impresses the crime queen, whose got hideaways and mansions scattered internationally for whim or lam.

“There’s something wrong with your love story, baby,” wise mob boss Elena notes like she’s doling out favors at her daughter’s wedding. “They may love you but they will never love you as much as they love each other. Otherwise they wouldn’t share you, would they?” Their ménage a trois relationship is also seen as absolutely savage to del Toro’s Lado.

The Mexican gang think the gringos lack dignity, tradition, family, and honor. The Californians are appalled by the brutality of the narco-traffickers from south of the border where torture is a routine cost of doing the business. Local D.E.A. agent Dennis (John Travolta) puts his trust in graft. He skims profit from Elena, accepts bribes from her rival El Azul, as well as Lado, and Ben and Chon. Yet he is surprised when he gets bit on the hand at feeding time. “You stabbed a federal agent,” he moans as his faith is shaken in a scene reminiscent of the death of Mel Bernstein in Scarface. Sadly, it only expands Dennis’ jurisdiction.

It is noted in the film that Elena is counting on the reelection of a specific mayor to retain her power base in Mexico. Stone directed the 2009 documentary South of the Border, which presented the untold histories of leftist Latin American presidents. Savages, a commercial film, presents the cultural relationship between Anglo-Americans and Latinos in a way mainstream Hollywood films rarely attempt. Most of this is done through normalizing sequences which act as allegorical bridges, such as when Elena flips back and forth between English and Spanish when chastising Lado and the high-ranking cartel accountant Alex Reyes (Demián Bichir). She is as much a mob representative as when Lado greets Ben with a warm “Welcome to the barrio” as he lets him into his Tijuana hotel suite.

Elena brings an entirely new and unique reworking of the South American narco boss cliché. This is best illustrated with the most subtle of the film’s social commentary, delivered by del Toro, who’d previously won an Oscar for his role in the drug war film Traffic. When Lado drops by Dennis’ house, he’s backed by a landscaping crew packing chainsaws.

Savages is an adaptation of Don Winslow’s pulp fiction novel but only hints at the violence journalist Ioan Grillo wrote about in the book El Narco. The film is set in Southern California’s Laguna Beach, which is close to the province of the Sinaloa Cartel. The film says Elena heads the Baja Cartel, which has operated in the U.S. for years. Sandra Avila Beltran was known as La Reina del Pacifico, but Elena’s circumstances more loosely resemble Veronica Mireya Moreno “La Flaca” Carreon, the first known female leader of the Los Zetas gang of San Nicolas de los Garza near northern Mexico.

The authentic blend of known crime figures brings an immediacy to the character. Hayek’s realism registers subconsciously, adding shades to the gangster persona which blur into a real person. It also instills a real sense of peril. We worry about the antihero.

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But never forget, Elena is a badass. Savages reflects the violence of the then-ongoing drug wars in Mexico. It looks real and feels painful. The first shot the audience gets of the cartel is a blood-slicked concrete floor, headless bodies and decapitated heads, and Lado in a Lucha Libre freestyle wrestler mask. Elena’s crew is one of the most efficiently lethal in the business. Anything less is unacceptable. Lado calls in a debt on lost years from a former attorney by shooting him in both knee caps. He retires Esteban, the henchman who watched over Ophelia while she was in captivity, because he is too soft.

One thing which separates Savages from the many drug war genre films is how Stone mixes media. He artfully moves through visual formats, color schemes, black and white grit, webcam and cell-phone video pixelation, though all of this is restrained when compared with Natural Born Killers. In that film, the villains were strong but powerless, hurled by forces beyond their control. In Savages, Elena exudes authority. “We didn’t make you an offer to hear a counteroffer,” she explains confidently, turning the screw on mere offers you can’t refuse. “We made you a deal to which we expected compliance.”

Stone is as fascinated by power as he is repelled by it. Like many gangster and Stone films, the mobsters at the center of Savages are allegories. Stone took on financial criminals in Wall Street, and here Elena’s cartel is likewise a modern corporation of sorts, putting the squeeze on the little guy. It’s the same thing real-life Bronx bootlegger Dutch Schultz did when he took over the Harlem numbers racket. The Sánchez expansion is the same as when the Corleone family moved in on Las Vegas. Elena muscles in during negotiations, dropping golden parachutes with balloon interests, percentages, sliding scales over three years, and other buzz-killing business school collateral damage. Even as talks deteriorate, Sánchez keeps a cooler head than Tony Montana and is able to strategize in the long term.

Her operations are brazen. When negotiations aren’t being carried out via computer, business is conducted in public, under the protective shield of a small squadron of snipers. Her hackers are as expert as Ben and Chon’s. All of this was within state of the art, real-time operations, which further solidifies Sánchez’s bona fides. Stone spent 15 months of combat duty in Vietnam, and assigned Kitsch to train with a Navy SEAL advisor during filming. Blakely told Collider she “met a little girl who had been kidnapped by the Mexican drug cartel.  We met people in, of all areas, the marijuana field.” Hayek spoke with members of drug gangs.

“I actually talked to some people involved in the cartel that described, on two different occasions, women that have gotten quite high in the cartel,” Hayek told Collider.  “As a matter of fact, they are incredibly efficient, much more so than men… The women are actually colder. The guy gets angry and thinks he has to do something, and the women are not like that. They are all about the business. They’re not about the vendetta, or who is more macho. They’re about getting things done.”

Elena Sánchez gets things done, and she does it with style. This is a real gangster policy which goes all the way back to Arnold Rothstein, who cleaned up street thugs like Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky, put them in suits, and taught them which forks to use at dinner. Dutch Shultz laid out a small fortune to outfit his outfit in the latest fashion. In Dead End, Baby Face Martin (Humphrey Bogart) shows off his silk suit, tailor-made.  The gangsters in Sergio Leone’s mob masterpiece Once Upon A Time in America wore wingtip collars. In American Gangster, Denzel Washington’s Frank Lucas blows his cover to drape himself in a chinchilla coat.

Hayek set Elena’s style in stone, wearing the same diamond necklace and silken black wig in every scene. “These women know they are going to be an icon and they create a character,” she told THR.  “These women design themselves. They don’t want to be versatile. They want you to always remember them.”

Elena Sánchez may only remember Ben and Chon by their nicknames, “Nothing Personal” and “Eat Shit Caviar,” but Salma Hayek presents an unforgettable cinematic crime boss. Savages lives up to its title because Hayek cultivates the untamed natural state with unnatural ease. Sánchez knows enough not to keep too high a profile on “most wanted” lists, but as a gangster, she should never be underestimated.

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[100wordanime]

Here we are in June and I’m writing my second post for OWLS (OWLS stands for Otaku Warriors for Liberty and Self-Respect). I will admit, it took me a bit to get going with this month’s theme but I’m pretty happy with the end result.

For those who don’t know: OWLS  are a group of otaku bloggers who promotes acceptance of all individuals regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion and disability. OWLS emphasise the importance of respect, kindness, and tolerance to every human being. Each month, OWLS will look at a specific theme. If you want to know more, please do click on the logo in the side bar.

The theme for May: Pride

In honour of “Pride Month,” we will be discussing the word, “Pride” and its meaning. We will be exploring pop culture characters’ most satisfying and joyful achievements or skills that they possessed and whether or not these qualities could be seen as a positive or negative aspect in their personal lives and/or society.

The Pride of the Protagonist

I really struggled with this theme at first. Mostly because for me ‘pride’ is one of those double edged swords. Characters with too much pride annoy me as they come off as arrogant. Characters with too little pride also annoy as they come off as doormats. Though it is much the same in real life. I feel people need to have pride in themselves but it shouldn’t cross the line into being egotistical or conceited. And I kind of looked at this issue when I wrote a feature back in 2016 on anime characters who want to be the very best (no Pokemon in the post but a focus on Ichigo from Bleach and Light from Death Note).

However, my personal thoughts on pride aside, in narratives pride is a driving force for characters. For better or worse, characters can make decisions and take actions to protect their pride and this moves both the characters and the plot forward. Still, at times you have to question what that pride is based on and whether or not it was particularly beneficial to act in that way.

For anime I’m watching at the moment, the immediate one that sprang to mind when thinking about whether or not pride was helpful is Record of Grancrest War. Now, there’s a lot of questionable decisions in the narrative outside of character motivations and yet I think a lot of the audience would be happy to accept a lot of the things that have happened if the character motivations would make sense.

Now we could look at the choices made by so many characters in this anime. Marrine deciding she has to unify the continent herself and willing to even resort to chemical warfare to achieve that end. Milza being Milza. The number of commanders who have ridden out to their deaths rather than surrendering. The number of characters who have committed suicide upon losing a battle (and has anyone ever inquired as to the mental health of the mages because they seem particularly suicidal). But instead of looking at all of that, because it is messy and doesn’t relate well to other stories that actually have some logic behind them, I want to look at Theo and his decision to face Milza in a one-on-one fight.

Realistically, this just reminded me of Sarah in the Labyrinth:

Sarah: No! I have to face him alone.

Didymus: But why?

Sarah: Because that’s the way it’s done!

Didymus: Well, if that is the way it is done, then that is the way you must do it. But, should you need us…

Hoggle: Yes, should you need us…

Sarah: I’ll call.

So, why does she need to face the Goblin King alone? She has a whole group of friends waiting and yet she’s going to go fight the guy with magic powers by herself, armed with… Confidence she’s the protagonist so it will all work out somehow? Even as a kid, this scene never sat well with me.

As does Theo’s decision to fight Milza one-on-one. It has already been established that Milza is by far the stronger fighter of the two. Despite Theo’s preparations to wear down Milza’s army and to isolate him, fighting him by himself is pretty much suicidal, given that in a realistic world, Milza would have broken through Theo’s defense and killed him early on.

That isn’t what happens though. Instead, Milza beats away at Theo, hitting his guard and sword continuously, and in the process he wears himself out before Theo prattles at him and then runs him through. And once again, we get an excellent look at why pride is not a useful trait for character survival when Milza is given an opportunity to just surrender and flat out turns it down allowing Theo to kill him and somehow justify it.

An argument could be mounted that Theo has to beat Milza to prove he is worthy of leading the alliance and inheriting Vilar’s crest, but realistically if Theo lead the army that reclaimed the castle and wiped out Milza’s troops, would it matter if Theo had actually personally killed Milza. Furthermore, would it have mattered if the other characters had brought Milza down to the ground where Theo could have still walked up and done his little speech and offered Milza a chance to live before delivering the finishing blow?

But let’s expand that argument to more or less any story about a lone hero who rises up and some of the convoluted reasons narratives come up with as to ‘why’ they end up facing the villain alone.

Lethal Weapon gives us an excellent example of this in the fight of Riggs vs Mr Joshua. They are fighting on the lawn, literally surrounded by police all armed with guns, and yet they continue a smack down. Running around the perimeter, we see Murtaugh claiming he’ll take responsibility as it is Riggs’ arrest and the others shouldn’t interfere.

Um…

I’m not sure where that fits into any kind of standard police procedure or common sense. It makes for a great fight sequence. We get to see how tough Riggs is and how awesome he is at fighting. We also get to see him being the benevolent man and not killing Mr Joshua, you know, until Mr Joshua grabs a gun. But it doesn’t make a huge amount of sense.

From a character point of view, we can see why Riggs wants to fight him. That is clear. And the reason he might want him dead. But that drive, his sense of pride in wanting to be the one to take him down, is pretty silly in the grander context leaving him quite badly injured and almost killed. More importantly, despite what Mutaugh is saying, I’m not sure the rest of the police would just chill and watch for the sake of Riggs’ personal vendetta.

Over and over again we see these kinds of protagonists who push the limits and boundaries in the pursuit of defending their pride. And while there might seem to be something noble about this particular action, the end result is something that seems slightly faulty to me. To assume that an achievement is one you cannot be proud of unless you do it alone is really inaccurate and realistically, collectively having pride in the achievements of a group is more likely to lead to social cohesion than lauding individual achievements. Would Theo have been any less a character for not facing Milza alone? Would Sarah have failed to realise she could beat the Goblin King if Hoggle and Sir Didymus have accompanied her? Would Mr Joshua be any less dead or arrested if the full force of the police had simply swarmed him on arrival at the scene?

Having pride is important as people all have value. But protagonists regularly go too far. They cross the line into believing that they must stand alone and it is only their strength that will succeed. While it definitely makes for some great viewing and has lead to some truly epic scenes, the application of this kind of pride into the real world would definitely be problematic.

So let’s bring this back to Pride Month. Pride Month isn’t about the lone wolf going off to bring down the villain in a showy display of individual strength and self-glorification. Being acknowledge for either your individual self or for your achievements (both individual and collective) don’t equate to tearing someone else down.

In that sense, Sailor Moon with her ‘love and friendship’ mantra is probably a better role model as she reaches out to her friends for support when facing her enemies and even reaches out to her enemies where possible.

The Schedule for June: 

5: Matthew Castillo (Matt-in-the-Hat)

7: Mel (Mel in Anime Land)

12: Zoe (Let’s Talk Anime)

14: Mistress of Yaoi (Yaoi Playground)

15: Zel (Archi-Anime)

17: Karandi (100 Word Anime)

18: Irina (Drunken Anime Blog)

19: Naja B. (Nice Job Breaking It, Hero)

20: Marth (Marth’s Anime Blog)

21: Dylan (DynamicDylan)

22: Gloria (The Nerdy Girl News)

23: Marina (Anime B&B)

24: Dale (That Baka Blog)

25: Gigi (Animepalooza)

26: Takuto (Takuto’s Anime Cafe)

27: Scott (Mechanical Anime Reviews)

28: Crimson (Crimson is Blogging)

29: Carla (PopCultureLiterary)

30: Matt (MattDoyleMedia)

Thanks for reading.

Karandi James

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                              June OWLS Blog Tour: The Pride of the Protagonist Here we are in June and I'm writing my second post for OWLS (OWLS stands for Otaku Warriors for Liberty and Self-Respect).

[whatwillbe-blog]

Chapter 53

Angrily as I stared back at her, “So that’s it?”

“Can we not have this conversation please…”

“You just going to run and I don’t get to say shit about it huh?”

Slowly nodding her head, “Something like that…”

 I stared back at her not even sure what to say. In my head I had all these arguments and reasons why her decision to leave was the worst damn decision ever and yet as I stood in front of her I have forgotten each and every last one of them and all I want to do now is yell. And her being so nonchalant and flippant about everything didn’t help me, my attitude, or the situation. I go back to that night and I wish I could do things over but I can’t yet her taking it to these extremes ain’t even necessary.

That night… I still fear the anger and the need to smash something… the things said still play in my head over and over again. All I wanted that night was for him to stand in front of me so we could finish what his words started. If I’m honest what we both feel for each other started that day Robyn thought introducing us was a good idea. I knew then he was a sucka and his every word and action from that moment proved it. I tried overlooking him and his sucka ass ways during that wack ass double date but my dislike for him only grew instead. He was stepping in on something that was mine and if I could I should and would have broken him at the photo exhibit but I didn’t and look where we are now because of it.

But his words that night made me say things I’m not proud of. I can still see her face as I uttered the things I was feeling and I never want to see that look from her again. I tried justifying my words despite knowing they were wrong and I yelled even worse things and she yelled things back at me that only made the night worse. When she put me out of her room I knew I deserved it but I was so busy living in my anger and the moment I damn near made shit worse. I stood outside her door ready to cuss down her, Kellen, Mijo, Mel, Leandra, the floor, and anyone else who dared to say I was in the wrong. She rightfully ignored me and my anger was ready to consume and combust as I banged on Mijo’s door convinced that I was in the right and he would agree with my words and actions but of course he didn’t.

 “Your ass is wrong and you know it…”

“But…”

“Ain't no damn buts… if you said any of that shit to her she should have put yo dumb ass out of her room…”

“You ain’t seeing it from my way…”

Quickly shaking his head, “You have no way…”

“Mijo…”

“Chris… that girl loves you… even after you bullshitted around and brought folks in that did not belong…”

“Come on…”

“You don’t get it… you being angry about what went on tonight is stupid. The only person that should be upset is Robyn and you going to her room adding on top of the crap Kellen threw her way is pissing me the hell off…”

“How you gon say I shouldn’t feel something? That’s my girl he was talking about…”

“Did you comfort your girl or did you just go in her room screaming about dumb shit?”

“If he would have said that shit about Mel…”

Shaking his head as he interrupted me, “He would have never had the chance because the shit you did I would never do to her…”

“You can’t keep throwing Sydney in my face… if I could go back…”

“You would do the same shit and still expect folks to just forget the hurt you gave Robyn…”

“You don’t know that…”

Softly sighing as he again questioned me, “How many other girls have you been with that Robyn had to look the other way on?”

“Barry…”

“If the roles were reversed and Rob was the one who kept bringing in other folks how would you feel?”

“These questions ain't helping me right now…”

“I told you a long time ago not to do this with her if you were not going to do right by her…”

“I’m not the cause of tonight damn it! Kellen been saying and spreading bullshit about her and I was trying to defend my girl…”

“And then you went and crushed whatever bit of feeling she had left…”

“I don’t understand how everything is being turned on me…”

“It’s not… when I see Kellen I will deal with him but for tonight…”

Softly whispering as I fell back in my chair, “I wasn’t trying to go in there and hurt her…”

“But you did anyway…”

“We finally doing this and it seems like it’s being overshadowed by Kellen and his feelings…”

“Where has Robyn been the last few days? Stuck next to you and up under yo dumb ass. Kellen is only a factor because you want to make him one…”

“The things he was saying…”

Shaking his head, “Man the hell up… his words don’t mean a damn thing and you know it. Nothing he said was even remotely believable but like a dumb ass you played right into what he wanted…”

“I messed up…”

“For no damn reason…”

“What if she don’t want to hear me…”

“You keep apologizing and trying until she does…”

“Mijo it’s like I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. Everything was amazing and perfect and we were all celebrating and then he got to running off at the mouth…”

“What does that matter?”

“I know it shouldn’t but it does…”

“Why?”

Softly sighing, “Cause I don’t want nobody looking back at us like us being together is wrong…”

“Everybody at that party already knew the deal and even if they didn’t you don’t have to prove shit to anybody…”

“I know but…”

Shaking his head, “No buts…”

“We finally doing this… I want everything to be perfect…”

“You love her?”

“You know I do…”

“And despite all the dumb shit you do does she still love you?”

Softly whispering, “Yes…”

“Then that’s all that matters…”

“How do I make this up to her?”

“For one… stop being an ass… two… you let her for however long it takes cool down and then you go love up on her regardless to what anyone else has to say, think, or do…”

 Nodding we spent the rest of the night in the hotel lobby talking about everything but the mess I’ve created. He told me to stay away and let Robyn calm down and while I knew being away from her longer than absolutely necessary was going to kill me I owe it to her to do what’s best and right. But even sitting in the lobby away from her was damn near torture. The following day I guess she wasn’t ready so I spent the last day in Puerto Rico alone. I caught eyes with Leandra and tried questioning her about Robyn and how she was doing but Leandra being Leandra gave me everything I didn’t need and loved every minute of it. In a desperate attempt I tried apologizing to Robyn through her which only made Leandra’s reaction and words to me worse. I just wanted to see and talk to my girl but I knew as much as I hated it I had to wait it out until she was ready to talk to me.

The trip home was no better. I guess in some ways everyone was still reeling and dealing with the fallout of Mijo’s party and all the laughter and good times we had on the plane going to Puerto Rico was nowhere to be found. I tried talking to her and all I got in return was one syllable replies that didn’t come close to what I wanted to hear. I attempted to hold her hand but before I could get a bit of grip she snatched her hand away from me and I was all but shut down again. Even after we arrived back home all I got was a stale kiss on the cheek before she left with Leandra. I offered to take them both home but before she could turn me down Leandra stepped in and pretty much told me I wasn’t wanted or needed and Robyn did nothing to dispute her words. I know my reaction was a mess and a half but it didn’t warrant all of this. I’m at my wit’s end and I need a talking down from that proverbial ledge and I go to the one person who seemed to have anytime to deal with my shit.

 “What the hell have you done now?”

Softly whispering as I shook my head, “Nothing…”

“Then why are you here?”

“I just wanted… I needed… I think…”

“You did something…” slowly shaking his head as he stared back at me, “I knew yo dumb ass would go and mess up the one good thing going for you…”

“I ain't did shit…”

“Bullshit! I knew there had to be a reason… even with all the other bullshit it never came to this but now… now she’s running and it’s all your fault…”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“She’s leaving…”

Throwing my hands up in the air in confusion, “Why the hell am I getting the blame?”

“When’s the last time you talked to Robyn?”

“Talk talk or talk?”

“Talk… like said more than two words to each other…”

Softly sighing, “Your sudden engagement slash birthday party. Everything was good there and then….”

“Your mouth blew shit up and now…”

“Let me apologize to Mel… I know I acted an ass with her friend but she shouldn’t leave because of that. I’m done being an asshole and…”

Slowly shaking his head, “I’m not talking about Mel…”

“Then wh…”

 My words stop as I locked eyes with Mijo and reality finally hit me. I know my words were harsh and the second after I said them I wish I could have taken them back but she can’t leave because of them. We both yelled and said words that had we thought them out we would have never said but this. Maybe I should have went to her and apologized over and over until she heard me but I was trying to do what Mijo told me to do. If anyone knew what to do it would be him so I did what he said and now… I have to take a step back doing my damnedest to catch the breath that suddenly left me. Shit’s not supposed to go down like that. She’s supposed to get over whatever she had to get over and we would go right back to loving and being under each other but her ass is running and I’m left ass out. As I stare back at Mijo my sudden lost for words and confusion turn to something else and before I can even say a word he’s throwing warnings and words I’m not even trying to hear.

 “Don’t…”

Angrily as I stared back at him, “How the fuck would you feel?”

“Chris there has to be a reason…”

Shaking my head as I interrupted him, “Not a good enough one…”

“How do you know? Have you talked to her or…”

“I’m giving her space remember…”

“Chris…”

“This is some bullshit and you know it…”

“You going over there acting like an ass ain't gon solve nothing…”

“Well sitting back and being quiet ain't do shit either but give her opportunity to leave…”

“I don’t think…”

Shaking my head no longer in the mood to hear shit else he had to say, “Don’t matter I’m going over there regardless…”

 Blocking out the remainder of his words and warnings I turned and went in the direction of my suddenly leaving girlfriend. I’m doing everything to keep my attitude, anger, and thoughts in control but the closer I got to her the angrier and more frustrated I felt. And by the time I’m at her door any calm I found was all but gone as we faced off each other.

 Angrily as I stared back at her, “So that’s it?”

“Can we not have this conversation please…”

“You just going to run and I don’t get to say shit about it huh?”

Slowly nodding her head, “Something like that…”

“You know this is bullshit don’t you?”

Slowly shrugging, “I know a lot of things…”

“Why in the hell are you doing this?”

“What exactly am I doing Christopher?”

“What the fuck do you want me to do?”

“The first thing you can do is stop cussing at me. I’m not throwing those words at you and I don’t want them thrown back at me. I know you know how to have a damn conversation without them…”

Softly whispering, “Why are you doing this?”

“Chris…”

“Baby I’m sorry. I know I said some shit I shouldn’t have… I was so damn busy worrying about what everybody else was thinking that I let my mouth get ahead of me and I fucked up the only important thing in my life. If I could take the words I said back I would take back every single word. I didn’t mean any of the words I was saying and…”

Softly whispering to me in return, “I know…”

“Then why are you leaving?”

“I have to…”

“Robyn please…”

“I feel like I’m losing myself. I’ve wanted this and us so damn bad and now…”

“You don’t want this anymore?”

“I didn’t say that…”

“Then what…”

Softly whispering as she interrupted me, “I’m scared… not of us or you but of completely losing myself in this. Already I’m at the point where I’m ready to give you everything regardless to what I get back in return but what if we somehow don’t work? I’m not going to have anything left and…”

“You can’t think like that… I love you and I ain’t got no plans on going anywhere unless you are there beside me…”

“You say that now…”

“I’m going to say it forever…”

“You hurt me… you hurt me when you brought her in even though I was giving you my everything but I sat back and swallowed that hurt and everything else because in the end you came back to me. But the hurt still lingers and it’s getting harder and harder to push it away…”

“I’m sorry…”

Slowly shaking her head, “You don’t have to apologize… it’s something I have to work through and get out of my head for this to really work…”

“Robyn…”

“You know… from the moment I saw you… even when you were being an ass to me… you have been the only man I’ve wanted… the only man I’ve been with and it kills me that you can’t say the same thing…”

“I can… you are the only woman I’ve ever been this way with… you have always been everything to me and I’m sorry I haven’t shown that to you but if you let me I can…”

“Chris…”

Softly whispering, “Do you really want this?”

“More than I want anything in this world…”

“I can come with you and…”

Slowly shaking her head, “You coming won’t get these thoughts and feelings out of my head. Let me go and fix this while I help Melissa pack up to move here and try to convince Leandra to come too…”

“Leave her rude ass there…”

Softly laughing, “If she gets on my nerves too bad her ass is staying…”

“What am I going to do with you gone?”

“Make sure you want this too…”

“I do…”

“Then do some work… we’re doing our accessory line soon… set up a showcase and party for the launch…”

Shaking my head, “That shit don’t sound like fun…”

“It’s not but by the time you finish with all of that I will be home…”

“You’ll come home when I finish all of that?”

“Yes…”

“This shit will be set up for tomorrow in my damn backyard…”

Softly laughing, “You don’t even have a backyard…”

“I’ll borrow that shit if it means you will be back here with me….”

“I’m really going to miss you…”

“With all them island boys running after you you ain't gon have time for that…”

Softly laughing, “You right…”

“Don’t forget me…”

Falling into my chest as she wrapped her arms around my waist, “Never that…”

 I breathe in her words as I fall defeated in her decision to leave. She’s leaving me and despite all of her words I’m almost afraid of what will become of us when she returns. I’m like her second skin following behind her every step agreeing and disagreeing with the things she packed away for her trip home. I gave her more than a few looks when she pulled out a bikini that should be for my eyes only. It’s too damn small to even attempt to wear it without me being around. There’s still some duded there trying to hunt her down and they are not about to lust after my girl in her barely there swimsuit. I don’t know where Leandra is but I’m glad she’s out doing whatever because just for a little while it’s just me and my girl. We’re wrapped around each other on her couch and I momentarily let my close and I attempt to imagine these next few weeks without her and nothing that I see is worth experiencing. The silence is almost too loud and I pull her closer still to me. I feel a gentle kiss on my neck and I pull her closer still as I softly question her.

 Softly whispering, “What time do you leave?”

“A little after noon…”

“I’ll take you to the airport…”

Slowly shaking her head, “You don’t have to…”

“Yes I do… just like I have to be with you tonight…”

“I don’t think we should…”

Shaking my head as I interrupted her protest, “I’m not trying to do that… I just want to stay here and spend some time with you before you go…”

“Chris…”

“Baby… I just want to hold you for as long as I can before you take all my loving away…”

 A slow head nod in response I take her hand in mine as I lead her to bedroom. I know that her going to Barbados will ultimately be better for us in the long run but the thought of her leaving is something I’m not ready to face just yet. We’re settled in the middle of her bed once again wrapped around each other just letting the moment take us where it wants to. We whisper back and forth wanting to prolong this moment for as long as possible. Our hands move against each other and though we have opportunities to take it there we don’t. As much as I want to be buried deep inside her loving her through the night holding her close and silently showing her my love with gentle words, tender kisses, and quiet time means just as much.

The morning sun greeting us far too soon we slowly broke apart gathering the rest of the things she needed for her trip. In the back of my mind I’m trying to convince myself not to fall at her feet and beg her to stay and work out whatever she feels she needs to work out here. It would be selfish of me but damn it I want to be selfish but I know I can’t. She’s dragging as much as I am but before I can even formulate the words begging her to stay Leandra made her presence known and I spent the rest of the morning moving their bags to my truck to leave. Promising to look after her place I took her hand in mine leading to my truck and ultimately the airport.

Going as far as I could I held her to me whispering over and over how that I loved and missed her already. Quickly hugging Melissa and Leandra I turned to Robyn one last time covering her mouth in a tender kiss willing my every feeling and emotion in that kiss. Wiping quickly at her tears I watched in silence as her friends led her away from me. Nodding at Mijo’s words I watched as long as I could contemplating on how much trouble I would get into if I broke the barrier and ran behind her. Knowing that wasn’t a possibility I softly sighed as I turned to Mijo matching the expression on his face. The both of us will be going through it and I can only hope that when all is said and done we both will be celebrating with our girls and this time apart will amount to nothing. Bidding goodbye to my brother I headed to my place and then the studio to start the planning of this launch so I can bring her home that much faster.