#Maybe when the event comes back to lonely devil I’ll think about going through it because I did like Simeons outfit

[yourlocalgrass]

Lmao I love how they just came next to eachother like a bundle. Lucifer wanted to present the record to me himself I guess but whew glad I finally got the Arcadia record though 👍

[semisgroupie]

 The Woman Who Used to be Mrs. Jones

Genre: smut, fluff (kinda at the end?), angst

Pairing: Aoi Todo X F!Reader

Word Count: 6.4k words

Warnings (some of the content can be triggering so please read through the warnings before reading this): cheating (in this Todo is the other man/reader is in a loveless marriage where her husband cheats on her/her husband is just a huge asshole), toxic relationship, sexual scenes, unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap your willy), oral sex (f! and m! receiving), dirty talk, multiple creampies, bathroom sex, praise, risky sex (they fuck at a party the reader and her husband is hosting), mention of a small altercation between Todo and reader’s husband, mention of a child & brief mention of pregnancy (not detailed),  if I missed anything let me know

A/N: I do not condone, support or encourage cheating! It is not good, don’t do it! The song Me and Mrs. Jones by Billy Paul helped me with creating this piece so I recommend listening to it while reading this. This has depicted sex within this so MINORS DNI (I’m not gonna cry bc I don’t cry but I am not afraid to beat some ass) So I hope you all enjoy it, comments/reblogs are very appreciated!!! I also apologize in advance if formatting is weird on mobile :/

Flashbacks are bolded & italicized! Also separated by a border!

Todo walks up to the counter of the cafe and orders the usual for the both of you. He came early since he was done with work earlier than usual so after paying for the drinks he carried them to the special spot you two shared. Once seated he takes his phone out to check the time while taking a sip from his drink.

The time read 5:45. You got out fifteen minutes ago and your job wasn’t too far from the cafe, so you’d be there soon. The bell chimed to the cafe and Todo looked up to see you walk in.

His heart pounded in his chest, you looked as beautiful as you did the first day he met you all those years ago in high school. Once you two made eye contact you flashed him a smile and made your way over to him.

“Hey baby, I didn’t think you’d be here before me.”

He felt his cheeks flush at the pet name. You leaned down to hug him and give him a kiss, placing your hands on each side of his face caressing him as your lips met. Once you pulled away you sat down and started talking about your day at work.

He couldn’t help but lose focus as to what you were saying. He knew your day was tough from how your hair looked a bit disheveled from running your hands through it, a habit you had picked up when you were extremely stressed.

Time passed as the two of you spoke about each other’s days and then you were both done with your drinks.

“Wanna go home now Aoi? As much as I love it here I found this new recipe online that I would really like to try out!”

He nodded as you both got up, tipped the cashier one last time before heading to your shared home. The distance was short from where you both were currently and when you two were together even one hundred miles would feel like two blocks.

As Todo put the key in to unlock the door he sighed in content. Once you both were inside he took your jacket off and put it away. He leaned on the kitchen island while you started taking out ingredients for dinner.

“This isn’t a dream right Y/N?”

It just felt so unrealistic to him he just had to be dreaming. Your laughter filled the air as you walked towards him. You wrapped your arms around his body and looked up at him.

“While we did this in the most unconventional way it is very much real” you removed your left hand from his body to put your hand close to his line of view, “this ring you gave me a few months ago is proof of our love and the ring I gave you on your left ring finger is also proof of my love and dedication to you.”

Unconventional? Was that even the right word to explain the events that led you both to where you are now?

You started your arrangement with him two years ago. You became “Mrs. Jones” a year before that. A happy marriage was wished to the both of you, but your marriage was anything but that. Six months after you both said your I do’s you found your husband in bed with his boss. They didn’t even think about trying to conceal their affair.

To say it broke your heart was an understatement. You felt like he ripped your heart out of your chest and destroyed it slowly as you watched. Soon there were lonely nights filled with you drinking and crying yourself to sleep. Soon after you just became numb, you got used to putting up a facade whenever your friends or family asked how married life was.

The only one who knew of the affair and how horrible your marriage actually was, was your best friend Valerie. When she first found out you had to hold her back the next time she saw him because she was just filled with rage. You were trying to find a good divorce attorney, but you just didn’t have enough money yet, so you were stuck for the time being. Then it was time to plan how to celebrate one year since the day you married him.

Valerie said that she would bring a special surprise for you, but you just pushed it to the side. You settled on hosting a party at your parent’s house since it was big enough. The fake smile you had plastered on your face burned your soul more than the cheap ring on your finger. A cheap ring that meant the entire world one moment but now means absolutely nothing.

You were leaning on the wall, holding a glass of champagne, next to your husband as Valerie approached you.

“Y/N! You look absolutely stunning!” she gave your husband a side glance as she begrudgingly said his name, “Declan... anyways I have your surprise so come with me to the backyard!”

Before you could say anything she grabbed your hand and weaved both of you through the crowd of people. She opened the door and you almost dropped your glass at the sight.

“Aoi? I thought you were away in Sweden?”

Todo brings a hand to his neck.

“I was but my job relocated here, and Valerie told me everything. As much as I’d love to say congratulations, I can’t.”

Your body moves on its own as you approach him and hug him. He holds you on instinct and all that is heard is sniffles. You move back and quickly apologize for your abrupt actions.

“Hey, don’t apologize pretty girl” he brought his hands to cup your face and wiped the tears from your face, “Declan should be the one apologizing, how could he take someone like you for granted. I know you might not believe me, but you look just as beautiful as you did when we were in high school.”

The two of you were high school sweethearts but got accepted into different colleges. The inevitable happened and you both broke up, heading your separate ways losing contact. The last thing you heard about him was he had a job in Sweden and that was it. After college you met Declan and he seemed like a knight in shining armor, but it was too late for you to realize he was the devil in disguise.

You leaned into his touch as if you two were the only ones there. Only if he was the one you married; you both would be so happy. You wouldn’t have to worry about any mistresses or affairs because even in this moment you felt all his love. Todo moved in and before you knew it you felt his lips on yours.

You melted into the kiss immediately kissing him back until he abruptly pulled away.

“I am so sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to you’re still married, and this is the anniversary party and he’s inside—”

“I don’t care about Declan. The only one I care about is you. Valerie always says I should be a little selfish and now is the time. I still care about you Aoi, I still love you. The piece of my heart that left with you is now back and I’m whole again. I understand if you’re not comfortable with this, I am trying to find a lawyer and once I get the promotion at my job I can finally pay for one.”

You looked up at him hoping he would indulge you in one last kiss even if it would be the last one you two ever shared. You watched as a smile grew on his handsome face.

“I love you too Y/N, I always had and I always will. When Valerie told me about everything I cannot explain the anger I felt not only at him but also myself. If I never left then you wouldn’t be in this situation. Maybe you would’ve been with me.”

He leaned down and placed another kiss on your lips. Before it could continue Valerie ran out to the both of you.

“Hey lovebirds as much as I love seeing you two together Declan is starting a toast and wants his wife by his side.”

She rolled her eyes as your husband’s name left her lips. You took a deep breath and turned inside, Valerie and Todo following you. You took another deep breath as you made your way to your husband putting up the fake smile. He handed you a glass of champagne and started the toast.

“This past year with my beautiful wife by my side has been the best year of my life. Waking up next to her every morning is what fuels my fire. I love this woman so much and marrying her was the best decision of my life. Thank you all for coming and supporting us. Here’s to a happy, healthy marriage and for many more years to come!”

As glasses clinked and cheers filled the room you were filled with disgust at his words. How could he spew such garbage knowing it meant absolutely nothing?

“Come on honey, you can do a better job with that fake fucking smile. Make everyone believe that we’re in love and that I haven’t fucked almost every single one of my coworkers. Maybe I’ll even indulge in you tonight.”

“Fuck you Declan, you piece of shit.”

You excused yourself to the bathroom shoving your heel into his foot making him wince in pain. Todou followed you upstairs a few minutes afterwards hearing your sobs. He knocked on the door once, twice until your shaky voice responded.

“Hey it’s me, I wanted to check on you.”

He waited hearing your heels click on the ground until you reached the door to open it. You looked up at him with tear stained cheeks, eyes puffy from all the rubbing and wiping your tears away. Todo looked at you with so much love it was as if Eros struck him with his bow.

He quickly placed his lips on yours, the kiss feverish but also very loving. As if he was telling you how much he loved you each time his lips met yours. He picked you up and placed you on top of the bathroom sink, quickly running to shut and lock the bathroom door.

“Please let me make you forget about him. Please let me show you what it is like to make love and not fuck. Please Y/N.”

All you did was nod before placing your lips back on his allowing your hands to slide down and undo his belt. He allowed you to undo his belt and pants letting them hit the ground while he was lifting the skirt of your dress up.

“As much as I’d love to take my time worshipping your body we have to make this pretty quick beautiful. But please if you want to stop at any time stop me.”

You nodded at him as you felt his hand lightly graze your clothed pussy. He moved your panties to one side as he slipped a finger in, slowly moving it then inserting a second finger moving it just as slow but each movement made you moan and shiver. You started getting impatient and you grabbed his wrist.

“Please Aoi, please make love to me.”

He slotted his lips against yours again as he removed his cock from his boxers. Moving the tip against your folds making you both moan in the kiss. Once he entered you, slowly and gentle, you broke away from the kiss to throw your head back and moan. Once you gave him the okay he started thrusting.

“Fuck, you’re so tight baby. Just holding me like you don’t want me to let go.”

He moved faster hitting all the right spots. It was as if his cock was designed to fit inside your pussy. Both of your moans and groans filled the small bathroom. It quickly became heated as the mirror started to fog up. He started thrusting into you faster and harder making you throw your hands on the mirror for stabilization.

He placed sloppy kisses along the column of your neck. He lifted himself from your neck to lick two of his fingers and place them on your clit, moving them in small tight circles.

“Come on baby cum for me. Cum all over my cock and I will fill you up. I’ll make this pretty little pussy so fucking messy with my cum and you’ll walk around in that party filled with it. You look so fucking gorgeous baby. I love you so much.”

That sent you off the edge, creaming on his cock with a high pitched moan of his name. He continued pounding your pussy through your orgasm as he was nearing his own. You pulled him in for another kiss running your nails up and down his clothed chest. Feeling your nails against him made him reach his own peak, filling you completely with his cum.

Todo peppered kisses along your lips, swollen and puffy from kissing so intensely, as you both came down from your highs.

“I’m going to pull out now okay?”

“Okay that’s fine.”

You didn’t need to tell Todo to be gentle, he was already treating you like fine glass. He slowly pulled out and quickly moved your underwear to cover your cum filled pussy. A low chuckle left his lips.

“Don’t want you leaking cum all over the place.”

He lifted you off the bathroom sink after picking up both his pants and boxers. Before you could even smooth out your dress Todo did it for you, fixing any flyaways in your hair and placing one last kiss on your lips. He unlocked the door and helped lead you to the stairs.

“We should head down at separate times so we don’t look so suspicious.”

You nodded, placing one last kiss one his lips.

“I love you Aoi.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

You went downstairs and walked to your parents. You had a small limp and it filled both Aoi and yourself with joy seeing how your husband stared, completely confused at you. Valerie leaned next to you close to your ear.

“I already gave Aoi your phone number, go get that dick again.”

She lightly smacked your ass, a small yelp leaving your lips. The party went on for a couple more hours, lingering glances shared between you and Todo. When the party ended you had to figure out a ride situation since your husband drank way too much and you were a little tipsy.

Declan’s brother offered to take him back and before he could offer you a ride Todo came up and offered to take you home, to which you immediately agreed. The ride was filled with laughter and talk of memories. Also, when Todo parked at a secluded area near where you live you thanked him for the ride with a mind blowing blowjob.

He dropped you off in front of your place, being the gentleman he is, he walked you to the front door giving you one last kiss.

“I hope to see you again soon beautiful angel.”

“How about tomorrow? We could go get drinks or dinner.”

“There’s a cafe near my job, I’ll text you the address. Meet me there tomorrow when you’re done with work.”

You nodded as you fished your keys out of your purse. Taking a deep breath you unlocked the door and put your things away, heading straight to the guest bedroom because you refuse to sleep in the same bed Declan had all his whores in.

You thought he went to sleep until you heard a groan of your name. You rolled your eyes and continued going to the guest bedroom, ignoring him until you felt a hand grab your wrist.

“What do you want Declan?”

“What, I can’t touch my wife? You looked really sexy tonight so I thought I might do you the favor of fucking you.”

Fire burned in your veins. Every time you tried to pull yourself away from his hold, his grip got tighter.

“Declan, you’re drunk, and I hate you. Even if I was drunk I still wouldn’t go to bed with you, so make good friends with your hand or call one of your whores up because I will never sleep with you again.”

He turned you around.

“Listen here you bitch, you will never talk to me like that ever again. I did you the fucking favor of marrying your sorry ass now you treat me like this? I haven’t touched you in fucking months and this is what you tell me? Fuck you.”

“My sorry ass? Did me a favor? Did you also do me a favor by cheating on me over and over again? Did you do me a fucking favor then Declan? Rubbing it in my face that you didn’t love me the way I loved you, fucking anything that had tits and bringing them back here. I. Fucking. Hate. You. Rot. In. Hell. I don’t know what those girls see in you anyways, I had to fake almost all my orgasms and your dick has a weird curve, you should go see a doctor for that actually. I can’t wait until I have the money to divorce you and properly leave your sorry ass in the dust.”

You snatched your arm from his grip and locked yourself in the guest bedroom. You took off the heels and unzipped your dress letting it hit the ground as you made your way to the bathroom that was connected to the room. You took off the ring on your left hand flushing it down the toilet.

“That’ll be the last I see of you.”

You turned on the shower letting the water run, steam filling up the bathroom fogging up the mirror. You slipped your panties off the memory of your time with Aoi in the bathroom of your parents’ house filling your mind as you picked up the cum stained panties and put them in the laundry basket.

You entered the shower letting the water run over your body. After your shower you put your pajamas on and sent a goodnight text to Todo setting up the time for meeting at the cafe tomorrow. The next morning you woke up to an empty house, you let out a sigh of relief not wanting to deal with Declan after the stunt he pulled last night.

Your day at work went fairly quickly then it was the end of your workday. Inputting the address Todo gave you into the GPS you realized the drive was going to be pretty short. Once you found parking you walked into the cafe, the little bell on the door chiming with the movement. You looked around and saw Todo sitting at a corner side table, isolated from most of the crowd.

That’s when you started the arrangement. He was fine with being the sideman for now until he could properly have you to himself. Little dates and mind blowing sex filled your lives for the next four months.

~Four Months Later~

Todo was sitting at the table that basically became the unofficially assigned table for you both as he heard the chime to the door. His head shot up expecting you to come through the doorway. It was just an elderly couple. He checked his phone again, checking for any new messages from you and nothing. Just the last message that read: “I’ll see you soon my love”.

Today was the day you would find out if you got the promotion. With the promotion you would get a huge increase in your salary and a $2,000 advance once it was official. $2,000 was the amount you needed to finally afford the divorce lawyer.

Ten minutes passed and Todo ordered another drink for himself. To say he was nervous for you would be an understatement. He was fidgeting like crazy. He received the drink and sat back down at the table. The door chimed again and he looked up to finally see you.

You waved at him and gave him a small smile. Worry filled him and he was afraid to ask you how everything went.

“There’s no way she didn’t get the promotion. She has the best relationship with her boss and she works so hard.” He thought to himself.

You greeted him with a kiss on his head and sat down. He stood silent watching you.

“So I should tell you about what happened at work right Aoi?”

“You don’t have to honey, it’s fine.”

A smile graced your face, a genuine smile, the only type of smile that you shared with Todo since he filled you with genuine happiness.

“I got the promotion.”

Todo sat there in shock.

“What? What did you just say?”

“I got the promotion. I just came back from meeting the divorce lawyer to fill out necessary paperwork, that’s why I came so late.”

He got up from his seat and lifted you up into his arms.

“I’m so happy. I could yell from the rooftops.”

So he did the next best thing, he yelled about your promotion to the entire cafe. The people inside applauded you and gave you words of encouragement. The elderly man approached the both of you after Todo put you down.

“Congratulations to you young lady. This young man seems to be extremely proud of you. I didn’t mean to interrupt the celebration but it’s just that the both of you remind both my wife and I of us when we were younger. While we met under unconventional circumstances we have spent the past 30 years together. I wish you both a happy, healthy relationship.”

You both thanked the old man and watched him walk back to his wife.

“Do you think we’ll be like them one day Aoi?”

He pulled you close to him.

“I don’t think we will, I have a feeling I know we will. Now let’s go pick up your things and bring you back to my place to properly celebrate.”

He drove you to your house and walked with you inside to pack your clothes. In the midst of packing things you both heard the front door slam shut, meaning one thing: Declan was home.

“Care to explain the car in front Y/N? I know you don’t have enough money to afford a new one.”

You sighed and continued packing with Todo.

“I was asking you a fucking question -- oh who’s this? Why are you packing? Oh I get it now, finally got a new guy to deal with your shit? Good luck buddy--”

Before Declan could get another sentence out Todo walked over and shoved him against the wall.

“Don’t you ever speak to Y/N like that again asshole. For your information, she’s leaving you and coming with me. A guy who actually loves her.”

Declan stood there shocked that someone stood up to him. Once you zipped up your bag Todo left Declan to help you. Todo walked behind you with your bag in his hand. You turned one last time to Declan.

“Oh by the way I’ve been having sex with Aoi for the last four months and the first time was at the anniversary party. The reason I was limping was because of him not because of my heels. And you’ll be getting my divorce papers soon, go fuck yourself Declan.”

You walked with Todo to his car and he drove you back to the cafe so you could bring your car to his place. Once you entered through the front door he was on top of you. Placing sloppy kisses all over your lips and neck.

“You looked so fucking sexy there Y/N.”

He picked you up and brought you to his bedroom while you were peppering kisses along his neck. He put you on the bed and started stripping, you followed suit until you were left in your bra and panties and he was left in his boxers.

He pushed you down on the bed and crawled over you. Placing kisses down your body, removing your bra once he got to your chest and removing your panties once he got to your hips. Not one inch of your body was left untouched by his lips except your pussy. The place you needed him most.

“Aoi please.”

“Please what baby? Tell me what you want.”

“Need you—your mouth on my pussy please.”

He wasted no time. He licked from your leaking entrance to your engorged clit. Making you throw your head back.

“I don’t know how but you taste better every time. I’m fucking addicted to how you taste.”

He dove back in, wrapping his lips around your clit and using a finger to tease your entrance. He was alternating between light sucks and harsh sucks making you buck your hips against his mouth.

“Aoi please fuck me. Wanna cum on your cock please.”

He gave your clit one last suck and took the finger he used to circle your entrance and put it in your mouth. The feeling of your tongue swirling around his finger made him even harder if that was possible. He stood up and took off his boxers, throwing them to a random area in the room.

He spit on his hand and pumped himself a few times as he made his way back on the bed.

“Are you ready my love?”

You spoke breathlessly “yes Aoi, please.”

He aligned himself and entered you slowly, going inch by inch until he bottomed out inside you. A moan leaving both of your lips.

“And correction my love, I don’t fuck you” you furrowed your brows but that expression quickly changed when he pulled himself back until only the head of his cock was inside you and he bottomed out again in a swift movement, “I make love to you.”

He leaned down placing his forearms on either side of your head slotting his lips against yours. His thrusts slowly increase in speed. He breaks the kiss to praise you.

“My beautiful girl is so talented. You look so gorgeous right now. So fucking beautiful, I love you Y/N. I love you so much.”

“Aoi, feels s’good. Please I’m gonna cum soon. You fill me so good, like you were made for me.”

You wrap your legs around his waist and he slides his hand down between the two of you to rub circles around your clit. Your moans start increasing in pitch signaling that you’re going to cum. You bring your hands to his back and rake your nails down, digging into his skin, sure to leave marks. His ruts increased in speed bringing you to your orgasm.

“Fuck baby you’re clenching my cock so tight. I’m gonna cum so deep in your pussy baby. I’m gonna fill you up every single day because now you are mine.”

He emphasized each word with a hard thrust. He buries his face in the crook of your neck. Once he cums he sinks his teeth in trying to conceal the guttural moan that leaves his mouth. Coming down from his high he lifts his head up.

“I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to—”

“There’s no need to apologize Aoi, I’m sorry about the scratches on your back.”

“Don’t apologize pretty girl, with how often we’re going to be making love I’ll get used to it.”

He slowly pulled out and you felt the cum leak out of you. He picked you up and carried you bridal style to the shower. Let’s just say both of you were lucky that the neighbors were gone for the night.

~1 year later~

The both of you have been together for a year and four months. Todo was by your side the entire time throughout the divorce preceding. Comforting you and supporting you the entire time. Once your divorce was finalized your relationship received an official title.

Both of you were extremely happy but there was the voice in the back of Todo’s head that gave him doubts. When he went to go engagement ring shopping with Valerie the voice was there.

As he picked out the perfect ring for you the voice was there. His head was filled with doubts. Of course he loved you, he loved you more than anyone or anything in the world. He knew you loved him. His love for you was immortal, unconditional but he wasn’t so sure if it was the same for you.

That voice in his head hammering doubts over and over again it made him nervous. He started to wonder if he should bring the ring back. If he should change his mind. It was that voice.

“What if she gets tired of you like her husband did with her? What if she finds someone better than you? What if she doesn’t love you as much as you love her? Could you handle the heartbreak Aoi? Could you?”

He started getting distant from you, less kisses in the morning, leaving without saying goodbye, barely initiating sex, it made you worried. What if he’s getting tired of you like Declan? You texted him wanting to meet at the cafe after work. He just sent back a simple “okay”.

Reading it made you even more nervous than before. When you were done with work you drove as slow as you possibly could to the nearby parking lot. You opened the door to the cafe and once you looked around you saw Todo there, fidgeting.

“Is he going to end things with me? We were supposed to move to the new house next week.” You wondered to yourself, you both had so many plans for the future but the future is uncertain.

You sat down and it was silent. He nudged your drink over to you and that was the most interaction you got from him since you got there. It killed you to not talk to him and it was killing him too.

“Y/N, I’m scared.”

You looked into his eyes and saw the fear within them. But what could he possibly be scared about?

“Aoi, what’s wrong? What’s scaring you?”

“What if you get tired of me? What if you meet someone better than me? What if—”

“Aoi. Stop that please” your voice started shaking, it broke your heart to see the man you love being plagued with such fears.

“Aoi, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. You’re my love. You’re my soulmate. You make me happier than anyone in this world. You brighten up my day, the small things you do make me fall even more in love with you.”

You got up and bent down to hug him. You pulled back holding his face in your hands.

“Aoi I will never get tired of you. I let you leave me once and I never plan on doing it ever again. I love you Aoi Todo, I will love you until my heart stops beating and I will love you long after that. In every life I will look for you to recreate this love over and over again. If I had to go back in time I would go through this all over again just to be right here with you.”

Tears were falling down both of your faces by the time you stopped speaking. You wiped his tears away and he lifted his hands to wipe yours away. He pulled your face closer to his and kissed you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so so sorry.”

He muttered apologies against your lips and when you both pulled away it was his turn to speak. You sat back down holding his hands above the table.

“I just got scared Y/N. I love you so much and I just can’t imagine my life without you. I look forward to the future with you, I want you by my side through every single endeavor. You’re my everything. You’re the sun that brightens my day. You’re the stars that shine through my night sky. You’re the air that I breathe. I love you.”

You stood up and pulled him along with you as you both walked out of the cafe. You drove the both of you home and once you entered you led him to the bedroom. Once you entered you undid his work shirt and pants stripping him to his underwear. You led him to the bed and sat him down.

“I never want you to question my love for you ever again.”

You kissed him and placed kisses down his body. Little nibbles along his pecs, a flick of your tongue along his nipples, slow sensual kisses until you reached the waistband of his boxers. You tugged at the waistband and he lifted his hips to help you properly take them off.

His cock slapped against his abdomen. You took it in your hand and gave it a few gentle strokes. You placed featherlight kisses from the head of his cock to the base. You took his head into your mouth swirling your tongue around it and letting it go with a pop.

You took your hand and spit on it using it to lube his cock for you and you started to take more of him into your mouth. His moans and groans filling the room along with the sounds of you gagging yourself on his cock.

When you popped up for air looking at him he could swear he just saw a goddess in front of him. Even with your saliva and tears coating your face he has never seen anyone more beautiful than you. Even Aphrodite herself could not even come close to your beauty.

You got up and stripped off your clothing. You pushed him back gently to lay on the bed as you straddled him aligning his cock with your pussy. You sunk yourself down onto him, he tossed his head back into the bed feeling your warm slick walls welcome him in.

You started moving up and down slowly before gaining a rhythm bouncing on his cock. You moved your upper body close to his grabbing his face and making eye contact.

“I love you—ah fuck—Aoi. I love you so much. You fuck me so good. You are so handsome. Thank you for loving me.”

You felt his arms reach around your waist as planted his feet on the ground to pound into you. Once he started jackhammering into you repeatedly hitting your g-spot you felt yourself cumming around him over and over again.

He used this position to pull as many orgasms as he could from you until he had his own and with how tight you were around him it would be extremely soon. You felt his cock twitch inside you.

“Please cum inside me Aoi, please please please. I need you to fill me up please I need your cum.”

He pulled you down and his hips lifted bottoming out inside you, filling you with his cum. You let your full weight go onto him as you were catching your breath. Hard breaths filled the room. You looked at him and kissed him again.

“I love you Aoi.”

“I love you more Y/N.”

The following week you both moved into your forever home. Todo made dinner and ordered your favorite dessert to celebrate the move. It was also the day that he was going to propose. He knew how much you hated public proposals and receiving unnecessary attention so why not do it at home?

When you were doing the dishes making small conversation on how you saw a documentary about female serial killers he got the ring and went on one knee.

“So all of her victims were just random men who had green eyes, isn’t that—”

“Y/N.”

You turned around and dropped the sponge in your hand. Your jaw drops at the sight of the man you love and the most beautiful ring you have ever seen.

“Y/N, you have made me the happiest man the past year and four months. Time with you has been amazing. You make me feel like I have been floating on air and I never want to come down. I love you so much. Will you continue this journey of life with me, as my wife?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

You bent down to kiss him and he slipped the ring on your left finger. A few seconds later Valerie called, already aware of what Todo was planning to do. You set the date of the wedding six months from the day of the proposal.

The wedding was small and filled with only close friends and family. It was the happiest day of your life and everyone preferred Todo over your ex husband, even your father, who never liked any of your boyfriends.

“I like this guy a lot Y/N, I mean I’ve always liked him.”

“Dad you threatened to hunt him down when we first started dating in high school.”

“Oh honey it’s just dad stuff but that was a promise and it still stands.”

“Dad! He’s not like that, he makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world and like I’m a precious gem.”

You both looked over at Todo sharing a dance with your mom and when he looked at you, you could see your future in them. Wherever he would go you would be there beside him as his wife.

“this ring you gave me a few months ago is proof of our love and the ring I gave you on your left ring finger is also proof of my love and dedication to you.” Todo leaned forward and kissed you holding you in his arms. 

“I never thought that one person could make me feel so loved and make me feel so much love for them Y/N.”

Now married life was doing the both of you well. Nothing could tear the both of you apart. Not even the news on your one year anniversary that you both were going to have your first child. If Todo felt like he was on cloud nine before then holding your beautiful, healthy son in his arms made him feel he was in seventh heaven. 

A/N pt2: thank you all for reading this, I’m really excited about how this work turned out I hope you all enjoyed it. This is by far my longest fic so I really appreciate you reading it through. I have much more on the way, if you have any requests my ask is open! Again thank you so much for reading I appreciate you all! — D <3

[wh6res]

“𝑰’𝑴 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻, 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑶𝑼𝑹.”

part of the 21 ways to kill your lover collab hosted by the lovely miss solange @du0tine

pairing. entity! xdj & f! reader | word count. 5.4k

synopsis. he wasn’t a god, he wasn’t a devil, and fuck, he’s surely not an angel, but he will be your saviour and your light ‘till kingdome come.

warnings. tread with caution. yandere/possesive themes, religious themes, violence, mentions of gore, swearing, mentions of ptsd, mentions of physical abuse, a lot of character deaths, manipulation, stalking, and implications of suicide

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think xiaojun from wayv would act like this in real life.

a soul’s vulnerability gives him strength. he has scourged far and wide and has yet to encounter a soul as interesting as yours. he never thought a heart filled with hatred and a fragile mentality can be such a sweet combination. xiaojun would be stupid not to latch his greedy talons onto you.

he hides in the darkest corners of your room at night, unseen and unheard, just watching over you like a predator to his poor unsuspecting gazelle before diving into the anticipated chase. 

he moves in with you into the cheap apartment you got for yourself here in the big city—which he thinks is an awful move because of how lonely it’ll be. but hey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that you got chased out of your own home by your stepdad, your very own biological mom too scared to say a peep of defense to your name. 

your downfalls became xiaojun’s highlights. 

he would’ve felt sorry for you after finding out about that abusive old man. ugh, he scowls. your stepdad makes the entity’s blood boil and he doesn’t even have blood to begin with. the same man who holds the bible in his left hand when he preaches sermons for the people, is the same hand he uses to hit you across the face. 

the same hand he uses to pull at your hair. the same hand he uses to punch your gut. the same hand he uses to shove your mom down when she tries interfering. 

xiaojun may hate men of god but above all, he absolutely detests the kind your old man is—a faker, who thinks he can get away with the shit mess he’s making. xiaojun would never take that preacher’s murky soul even if he offered it to the entity voluntarily. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake. xiaojun should’ve killed him. xiaojun should’ve slit his throat. xiaojun should’ve torn his eyes out—

ah, ah, ah.

he can’t afford to make you any less vulnerable than you already are, now, can he? after all, he can be anything you want but he’s no angel. 

so he watched from the sidelines. 

watched you cry. watched you bleed. watched your scars form. watched the hate and resentment you have for your own family fester in your heart until it grew to a size you can’t hide within yourself anymore. 

and then you left home. 

xiaojun has to admit, for a second, maybe leaving home will make your soul unworthy, will break the mold he’s already had of you and will completely spoil his well-thought out plans.

so really, he can only scoff when he watches you walk around the apartment wearing that pretty dress on a sunday morning, darting around with calculated steps to shove everything inside your bag to go to church. the dress hangs nicely against your skin but he’d rather you stay and wear nothing. 

maybe you’d finally find contentment and happiness in this place, in this city, on your own. soaring high without a cage, without someone to hold you back—these things fill his thoughts like a plague until you come barging back into the door 30 minutes later. 

he’s been watching you long enough to know church service wouldn’t end for another 30 minutes or so. xiaojun’s eyebrows quirk up. why would his fragile little gazelle come back oh so early? but his question is immediately answered when he detects your shaky breaths and the unshed tears in your glistening eyes

you’re suffering the post-traumatic effects your shit stepdad has caused. seeing another preacher must’ve been a trigger, he thinks, eyeing you with a look on his face. xiaojun felt a little stupid. of course, swimming to the surface will be tough with all that trauma anchoring you down.

it’ll be tough, indeed… so why not sink you even deeper?

it didn’t take much energy for him to start manipulating your dreams. every nap, every deep sleep, he’d replay all the horrible things your stepdad has done to you and he realizes how dreams depicted from his perspective took a larger toll on you versus the ones from your own point of view—witnessing for yourself how weak and helpless you had been seemed to chip away bigger parts of you, he notices. your terrified screams when waking up in cold sweat getting louder and louder with every passing nightmare.

he pushed, and pushed, and pushed until you were standing right at the edge of sanity. until you start questioning your own self-worth and judgment, the invisible chains of the trauma too strong to break. until your radiant skin looked deathly, with gaunt cheeks and white lips. until you developed a fear of sleeping because no, you don’t want to witness those horrors again. no. no. no. no, please don’t hit me—

xiaojun can’t help but admire his handiwork but no, he doesn’t have time for that! 

the next time you fell asleep you had been desperately holding onto your 5th bottle of gatorade like it was a torch breaking through the darkness. you’ve intake so much of the energy drink that your body has grown used to it. you would’ve switched to caffeine, but from how much you drank it prior to the energy drinks, your blood is practically coffee at this point. 

“you’re living in my house now, young lady! i’d like to see some respect from your or i’ll fucking beat it into you!”

“stop! please. hit me instead, hit me!” 

“this is all your fault, bitch! how can you raise one daughter wrong? no wonder your husband left you!”

murky and black, you can’t even see the bottom at this point. it keeps pulling you down, and down, and down, until you couldn’t breathe. until your head feels light. until your heart beats erratically within your ribcage as you fought to the surface. 

with all the negative emotions surging through you in thunderous waves, it’s a wonder how no other lonesome, starving entity has latched onto you like xiaojun. although realistically, he was here first, as if he’ll let any other being like him go near you.

it took a greater amount of energy to twist and manipulate the plotline of certain events in a dream. if xiaojun hadn’t grown strong from all your negativity, he’d never be able to do it. 

he can never forget the day he first appeared to you in a dream. to have you cling onto him as you willingly took his hand—not that he was caught by surprise, anyway. every second of every hour of every day xiaojun spent plotting your demise has led to this fruitful day of “meeting” you for the first time. 

“i’m right here,” he said, shaking fingers tracing over your cheeks. a soft caress you have never experienced. 

the man in your dreams is someone you’ve never met before—you’re positive that you haven’t because you’d never forget a face as handsome as his. he appears like an angel casted over divine light, with a soft smile that can cure the plague as he offers his hands for you to take. it was beautiful, how your nightmares turned into dreams the moment the mysterious man arrived. 

how’d you ever know, that the hand you grabbed is the wolf in sheep’s clothing?

it’s sad really, how you’ve only managed to escape one horror only to jump into the next but xiaojun can’t find it in himself to feel bad. well, maybe a little, it’s a fleeting thought. something that disappeared as quickly as it had passed by.

it was only after a few weeks of constantly appearing in your dreams did his plan start to backfire. the change in your behavior isn’t subtle, either, and it angered him all the more. he didn’t see this coming, not even from lightyears away.

simple to say you’ve grown a little more… how can xiaojun put this into words? well, a little more outgoing. adventurous. meeting new people and going to new places and experiencing new things. he can see everything as clear as day—you were healing from your past, leaving the dark chapters in your life to write newer and brighter ones that revolved on having actual healthy relationships for once. 

his seething anger of his failed plans had made all the windows in your apartment burst into thousand little pieces. if you had fine china dishes displayed on your kitchen cabinets he would’ve broken those too. how can you go against him like this? look at you all happy and smiley even as the room turned ice cold because of xiaojun’s suffocating presence. you never even thought once about it—how naive. 

tormenting you through dreams isn’t working anymore. xiaojun has to up his game if he wants to break you down and revert you back to that paranoid, sensitive, and frail self that couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t talk to any other human being without feeling the ghost of your abusive step-father’s hands against your skin. 

who says he can only control you through mind games alone? after he’s done what needs to be done, grief and self-pity will go hand in hand. a combination so cruel and heavy on your shoulders that xiaojun can already savor the metallic tangy taste of victory. 

“no! yeji—!”

xiaojun watches unblinking when he makes one of your new friends walk out the sidewalk and right into an overspeeding car. 

tires skidding across the pavement, the breaks not working, glass shattering, bones cracking against the force of the hit—dead, right on the fucking spot.

he’s never heard you scream that loud and he shudders in pleasure as the vibrations of your shrill voice courses through his veins. 

he missed this, your complete and utter misery. 

but he wasn’t done yet. 

“don’t you think it’s a ‘lil chilly in here?” ryujin asks, looking over to your side before drinking the hot chocolate she prepared for both of you. 

grieving together with a friend can be good, hence why you’re now in her apartment a month later after yeji’s funeral. 

you answer after taking a sip. “no, not really.” 

xiaojun grins, giddy and a skip in his step while making his way towards you as he side-eyes your friend, who religiously drank her hot chocolate all the while bundling up next to you so you both can watch the movie together playing on the laptop. 

this one, well, he particularly doesn’t like this one. 

if your other friend was meant to be a casualty, a death borne from not one smidge of personal vendetta, this one, this ryujin is different. heck, he even remembers her fucking name.

no, no, no. xiaojun can feel his skin crawl as ryujin cuddles intimately closer as she stares at you from her peripheral, feeling out whether you’d react or not as she sneaks an arm around your waist. his anger turns a fever pitch, seeing you with someone else driving him up the wall. you were meant to be his sad and hopeless little gazelle and his alone.

xiaojun hoped the poison travels fast or so help him he’ll fucking rip her off of you—and he would’ve, when he saw you and ryujin slowly leaning into one another, head angled and obviously going in for a kiss. he would’ve, when one of ryujin’s hands come up to cup your face. he would’ve… until the poison reached its destination in her body, right when your lips were about to touch. 

ryujin’s lungs seized, breathing becoming an agent to her demise as the oxygen from her lungs disappear into nothingness. the last thing she saw is your horrified face, tears streaming. she swore you were shouting something, probably her name, but it’s overpowered by the incessant ring in her ears.

when her mouth foamed and she laid limp on the couch right next to you, you knew ryujin would never wake again to give you that kiss. 

xiaojun steps back to admire the havoc he wreaked. two of your friends dead, that should be enough to incapacitate you—whether it be permanent or not, he just wants to see you drown in misery. 

and as he slowly dissipates into the void, there’s a little smile on his face as he stares you down, burning the image of your histeria in his head, the echoes of your woeful cries music to his ears. 

you never dared step foot out of your apartment. 

groceries were delivered to your door, trash is slowly but surely building up, and the place was a whole mess. the entity haunting you has never seen you this… shattered, even when you left home. it was like your brain has stopped working and your body turned into nothing more but a cusp of who you used to be. 

it’s scary looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection—so, you painted all of them black. it was an in the heat of a moment kind of thing that took place the moment you came home from the police station, on the exact day she passed away before your eyes. 

xiaojun just has to “misplace” a few pints of paint you had used from when you renovated the apartment in the past, putting the cans where you can easily see them and think that the idea belonged to you when in reality, it’s the entity that put the idea in your head. 

there was a blanket over your shoulder when you came back from the station. it wasn’t yours, they gave it to you while you sat opposite to a stoic detective in a cold interrogation room, yet you made no move to shrug it off even after arriving at your apartment, fingers clutching the fabric like a lifeline and refusing to believe whatever that had transpired in ryujin’s apartment. 

eyes unseeing, stumbling with your steps, back hunched with the curse of the universe weighing down on your back—xiaojun couldn’t’ve been more proud of what he had done.

you were spiraling out of control. a self-destructive cycle you cannot seem to fight your way out of as your nightmares came back to haunt you. the tall waves of anxiety and paranoia drowning and pushing you under the surface. 

for once you don’t fight the current, you just let it pull you under. 

every time you close your eyes, you can hear the deafening screech of rubber tires against concrete before the car hits yeji. can vividly see the foams of the poison coming out of ryujin’s mouth as if it was caught on tape and is now playing on loop. 

your other friends have donned you as bad luck, cursed to have a fucked up life and will fuck up other people’s lives too if they get even as close as an arm length to you. too scared to lose any more people, you decided to completely push everyone away and had completely shut yourself out from the world beyond the four corners of your apartment. 

it’s like your trauma from before has come crawling back to you, only now, he brings himself a little friend called guilt. 

what are the odds that your two friends died after the other when the person they’ve each last spent time with was you? even the police found it too much a coincidence. if it wasn’t for the cctv cams in the corners of ryujin’s apartment, you’d be facing trial for a murder you didn’t commit. 

you eye the usb stuck in one of your laptop’s ports. it’s black, with an srj poisoning case written in red ink on the small patch of masking tape pasted onto the back of the plastic. 

after being stuck in an interrogation room for the last two hours, you had sneakily swiped it out of the detective's desk on your way out of the station. you remembered it was the usb with a copy of ryujin’s cctv cams, some underling busting into the interrogation room while in the middle of your questioning, holding the tiny usb between his fingers. 

your stomach churned when the detective looked at you spitefully, as if he couldn’t fucking care less of the evidence presented to him in a silver platter and would thoroughly take pleasure in throwing you in jail himself, guilty or not. the last look he shot you still sends shivers down your spine, the sharpness in his gaze as he regarded you. “you killed them. i know you did.”

a week of self-induced isolation later and you start to believe in it yourself. 

in the middle of screaming your lungs out and cursing the gods above for your sorry excuse of a life, you had thrown the usb somewhere in the apartment. not that you bothered to look for it right after, you were too busy wallowing in self pity before passing out on the living room floor. when you wake up, you’ve forgotten all about it. 

so it was interesting, seeing the usb again after days and days of wallowing in grief. you had fallen off the couch while in the middle of a slumber and you spotted the small piece of tech lying underneath it with the other empty coke cans. 

eyeing the laptop on the coffee table, you remember you haven’t taken a look at the evidence yourself—the detective had given you the stink eye when you tried shuffling closer to peep a look. carelessly, you shove all other objects off the table to pull the laptop closer. you plant yourself on the ground cross-legged, not batting an eyelash even when you feel the crumbs of chips against your skin. 

you boot the laptop on, thankful you’ve yet to forget its password, and plugged the usb in again. it was simple to navigate, to say the least, the folder popping up in a matter of seconds. you thought it stored a whole collection of her cctv footages but alas, it didn’t, saving you the time and energy scourging through unwanted boring files. 

hands shaking, you clicked on the video. 

and it was as if you’re thrown back into that event in your life that has now become a distant memory. the hug ryujin gave you when she opened the door, her words of comfort when you opened up about your deteriorating mental health after your friend passed away, and finally, the warm feel of the mug against the palm of your hand. 

wait a minute. 

you perk up from your seat, groaning aloud when your knee hits the underside of the coffee table at your haste, fingers darting around to press the back 10 seconds button. the sweat starts forming in your forehead and palms, making your hand feel clammy and disgusting but it was the last of your worries. 

did you see that correctly?

the quality is a bit low and the camera angle isn’t optimal. you can only see ryujin’s side profile but her glassy eyes are unmistakable and her actions look robotic at best. 

this is after she made your hot cocoa and had delivered it to your shivering, sniffling form on the couch, all bundled up snug and cozy in the blanket she provided. you remember ryujin winking as she walked back towards her kitchen after you thanked her. 

the way she poured poison in her own mug ruled her case as suicice. the evidence is right there in your face but the unease still sits heavy on your stomach and confusion clouds your brain like cannabis. 

this doesn’t make any sense. 

you knew her, ryujin. she’s never one to succumb to her negative emotions, always facing her problems with head held high. her overall mindset, in general, made her the last person you’d think would ever commit suicide. you’ve replayed the video a thousand times by now, still unable to wrap your head around the fact that she killed herself. 

having the sudden urge for another bottle of gatorade, you pressed the pause button as you try hauling yourself up with your arms. 

you pause. pushing your face closer to the laptop screen, rubbing at your eyes incredulously as you eye the corner of her kitchen. 

ryujin’s apartment isn’t that luxurious, nor is it too rundown, but there can be little exceptions here and there. 

like the cheap LED bulbs attached rather messily onto her ceiling, one of the six sources of light flickering on and off. you remember how many times you’ve told her to get it fixed yet she never really paid you any heed.

with shaking fingers, you replayed it one more time, hoping on everything you believe in that it wasn’t what it looks like. this can’t be it—how is that possible—

it’s him, the man who has appeared like an angel in your dream to sweep you away from evil. but standing in the corner, under the flickering lights of your friend’s kitchen, he looked anything but an angelic. 

your mind is going haywire, your body shook in confusion, and sweat started dribbling down your neck. you would’ve thought you made a mistake because how is this even possible? the angelic man in your dreams isn’t real—he can’t be real, he can’t appear like this when you aren’t even sleeping because he’s not real!

he can’t… right?

he doesn’t look too harmless, what with his hands crossed and leisurely leaning against the wall. but one look at his eyes and you know you’re wrong. even through the shit quality of the cctv footage you can still feel the fury and the absolute hate his eyes held as he stared her down menacingly, unblinking.

stared her down as she made her own cocoa, as she hunches down to open the sink cabinets to get that pesky rat poison, as she poured it on her mug, as she swirls the spoon around to mix the deadly concoction all together in a hauntingly robotic way that looked too much like ryujin was being told what to do.

and as you let the video play the rest of its content and felt like the tragedy was unfolding right before your very eyes again—you couldn’t breathe, panic gripping onto you like a vice, the sharp talons of fear sinking deep under your skin. 

you don’t register the coffee table toppling over in your haste to stand up. desperately putting a distance between you and the laptop as you turned and stumbled towards the hallway leading to your bedroom. 

you stop, pathetically landing on your knees before the open archway. if you hadn’t been shaking in fear before, then you surely were now. 

he’s here—can you even call it a he?

the man stands at the end of the hallway. in that similar, non-threatening stature with his arms crossed and body leaning against the wall. 

but the mischief in his eyes is enough of a warning. 

he’s come for you. 

he’s come to finish the job. 

“finally figured it out?”

you screamed, throwing the closest thing you can at him as you shuffle someplace else in your apartment. his laugh sounded pleasant in the ear when you were off in dreamland, but now? it sounded like nails grating against a chalkboard. 

your legs eventually led you to the front door. appearances be damned. you weren’t even wearing a bra and you haven’t showered for days but fuck no you’re not going to stay here with that—that—that monster!

“baby, don’t leave! the fun hasn’t even started yet!”

you grab the doorknob and twist, practically throwing yourself out into the hallway, eyes frantic as you stumble and land face first against—

sticky. the floor’s sticky and there was a smell you can’t seem to pinpoint. it’s tangy, metallic, and you can almost taste the scent yourself in your tongue and when you look down—you want to throw up. 

lying next to each other in pools of their own blood, lies yeji and ryujin side by side, faces towards each other. their eyes hauntingly empty and unseeing as they stared up at you. 

you shrieked, voice scratching against your dry throat as you threw yourself back into your apartment, the door slamming shut in itself. you didn’t care if there’s now a huge mess of blood staining the carpets on the foyer. you curl in on yourself, hair sticking to your face as you covered your ears and shut your eyes. 

“oh, my love…”

you felt his presence before you can hear him. 

a flashback plays in your head—hot chocolate, soft blankets, and a friend who you loved with all your heart. “don’t you think it’s a little chilly in here?"

you answered. “no, not really?”

the tears start streaming like waterfalls, mixing with the blood and sweat already caked in your face. ryujin knew, she felt it back at her apartment yet you disregarded her completely.

“it’s not your fault,” the entity’s hands are ice cold when he gently pulls at your wrist. “everything is as it should be. now, open your eyes. there’s nothing to be afraid of. i’m not going to hurt you.”

stubbornly, you shook your head as you squeezed your lids even tighter, refusing to look at the monster dead in the eye.

“don’t be like that, my love. if i wanted to hurt you, i would’ve done it a long time ago.”

you don’t listen, hunching and curling your knees even more against your torso as you try to block out his voice. it’s unfair how gentle it sounded but your blood ran cold when you realize this is how he got ryujin to poison herself, this is how he got yeji to walk in front of a speeding car—

“hail mary, full—full of grace,” you pray under your breath, shaking like a leaf. “the lord… the lord is with thee. blessed art thou among women…”

“you’re praying?” there’s an underlying mocking to e in his voice. “this is fucking hilarious!”

your incessant mumbling partnered with how you rocked your body back and forth, made something snap within xiaojun. he already stated he won’t hurt you! did he break you so much that now you’re unable to hear stuff properly, too?

“holy mary, mo—mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and—and at the hour of our death, amen. hail mary, full of grace…”

“stop.” his body twitches, having the sudden urge to pull all his hair out and burn this fucking building to the ground.

yet you continue. “the lord is with thee, blessed art thou among—among women and blessed is the… the fruit of thy womb, jesus…”

“i said stop, [name]. don’t fucking test me.”

“holy mary, mother of god—pray—pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our—”

you screeched in pain as your forehead comes in contact with a mirror, the sound of it shattering is deafening to the ears. his icy fingers let go of your nape, letting you fall hard to the ground. your ears perk up at the sound of streaming water. 

you weren’t in the foyer anymore, you feel cold tiles instead of the rough texture of the dirty carpet underneath you. eyes fluttering, you slowly pry them open, and the first thing you see is the faulty pipes found underneath your bathroom’s sink. patches of your clothes start getting wet. 

“you think a prayer of all things can stop me? i’m insulted!” you hiss when he grabs your face, hands so cold that it feels like you’re skin is burning off. “i was going to play nice.”

he pulls you towards him, hand encased around your throat. he shoves the open hair dryer into the half-filled bath tub as you feel him vibrate against you. “you don’t know how long i waited, how much energy i needed to appear to you like this.”

it’s with dread you realize that he’s actually giggling.

you whine, eyes feeling like it’ll pop out of their sockets when he squeezed your neck tighter. with a sudden rush of adrenaline, you anchor your wrists against his arm but it proves to be useless when he’s too strong. 

“please,” you wheezed. “i did… i did nothing wrong. let go—please.”

in the corner of your eyes, you stare at him from the mirror, stomach twisting in discomfort when you see him throwing his head back, eyes rolling up after taking a long whiff of your hair. “this—this fear you have, my love, only makes me stronger.”

“nothing… i did nothing wrong—please! please… let, let me go…” you’re starting to feel lightheaded, black spots floating around your vision. 

“nothing? are you sure about that?” 

you cringe when he licks up the tears in your face, toes curling at the sheer disgust you feel. but the words he spews next is far worse than the hand he’s wrapped around your throat. 

“didn’t you left your mom alone with that abusive asshole? didn’t you make yeji walk into that incoming car? didn’t you make ryujin drink that poison?”

he whispers them so softly, so gently that you almost mistook them as proclamations of love. 

“no…” your voice breaks. 

“yes. yes, you did,” he knew you like the back of his hand, knew what to say and how to say them for you to break in his arms. “you killed them, my love. you’re a murderer. you don’t even deserve to be alive after all of the things you’ve done.”

it’s almost pathetic how you shake your head, eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge the truth. 

“that’s… that’s not true…”

“you’re a curse to the people you love, the embodiment of they're suffering. don’t you see it?”

“stop lying!—”

“am i?” he retorts, maneuvering you around to face the mirror. you swore you covered the whole thing with black paint. “just look at yourself.”

oh, how badly he wants to shove your face against the mirror but he mustn't get ahead of himself. 

“did any of your friends even visit you to see how you’re doing?” no, they never did. he smiles like he knows what you’re thinking. “the answer is all before you now, my love. you need to see through the haze and accept it for what it really is. no one loves you. even the god you’re praying to didn’t answer. there’s nothing, no one, left.”

and for the first time since he has you in his tight hold, you stopped fighting. sobs wracking through your body as your shoulders slump and accept defeat. 

xiaojun automatically lets you go, cooing like a lover in your ear as he tucks you into his embrace. “you want this all to stop, don’t you? someone to save you?”

you nodded, unable to look at him as his hand came up to wipe away your tears. no one has ever done that for you in months ever since yeji and ryujin died.

“i’m here,” xiaojun says, running fingers through your hair comfortingly. “i’m your light, your only saviour. you want that, right, my love?” choice is a mere illusion but he likes keeping up with formalities. 

you fail to notice the steps he took towards the now overflowing bathtub, too lost in the new highs and lows of emotions you feel. 

“yes.”

it only took seconds to push you into the tub. its water buzzing with a live electric current brought by the hair dryer he dropped only minutes ago.

the effect is instantaneous. he watches your muscle spasm, your skin growing darker as the live water fries your body alive. quickly, xiaojun reaches down to lift your head out the water, not wanting to ruin your pretty face.

the last thing you feel is xiaojun’s cold lips pressing against your own, the gentle caress as he wiped your tears away… and the electricity finally passing through your heart. 

when the entity pulls away from your dead body, he only whispers three things—“mine, at last.”

[leamy-world]

Some afterthoughts on The Devil Judge (spoilers for all the drama!)

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well!!

I wanted to write my thoughts after the finale aired because ep. 13-14 made me a mess and were too nerve-wracking! After these two episodes, i only wanted the week to go by fast to see how the finale unfolded (but at the same time, this drama entertained me sm i didn’t want it to end haha).

Watching this drama each week and reading your reactions and thoughts made me enjoy it even more, i’m glad i came back on tumblr! It was a really nice ride (more like an emotional rollercoaster haha)! It motivated me to write my thoughts and analyses on fictions i watched in the future, especially My Mister and Beyond Evil!! I forgot how much fun it was to do that and putting my thoughts into words gave me a little closure to my watch haha

These are just some afterthoughts & personal interpretations i had and were maybe probably already discussed, but i couldn’t get them out of my head haha

See you around and take care!!!

THE CAST. It left a strong impression on me and i can’t see other actors playing their respective roles!

—   Yohan portrayed by Ji Sung … i have no words, this devil judge left me speechless! His character, to his Devilish Smile (and hollow laugh in front of CKH and his son, or Gaon), his variating voice intonations (like damn, he’s a living ASMR like Lee Sung Kyung), his held back emotions and touch-starved and even desperate touches when it came to Elijah and Gaon, to his rage and unhinged moments! 

I winced seeing him contort in pain when Sunah revealed Elijah accidentally lit the church fire, and the two times he hugged Elijah totally destroyed me. His last scene with Gaon showed how gazes & micro-expressions alone could convey unspoken words as strongly. I’m weak for these kinds of scenes, My Mister for example did it and killed me haha

For this post, i rewatched some scenes and damn, Elijah and Yohan’s support of Gaon after Soohyun’s death was really emotional …

(They had no business in making Gaon have this kind of dream, those german scissors left a ... strong impression on him haha)

—   Kim Min Jung’s depiction of Sunah’s was hauntingly beautiful, a femme fatale who kept a broken child deep inside (and at the same time surfacing on her manners and personality) and a strong businesswoman. It’s a fascinating character i loved hating as a villain but still sympathized with. The scene where she murdered the former foundation’s president sent me chills down my spine (i still have her shot of her, sitting at his bureau and manipulating his speech video)! 

The melancholy slipping through her facade when she visited the mansion the first time in a while, as well as her devastation in front of the President’s scheme, by the young girl’s bed at the hospital were memorable. The tension between her and Yohan was incredible: they both managed to keep a very disturbing but enthralling aura, tangled with nostalgia at the same time each time they met.

(Looking at her reflection is a recurring pattern for Sunah’s character, i found this shot above interesting, divided in the two ends of the mirror, as if her self can’t be found on the other side anymore)  

—   This was the first time i saw a drama with Jin Young and i really loved his playing! Never thought I’d say one day i enjoyed someone’s tears and rage on screen, but his crying scenes stuck with me, especially in the prison yard and the last episode (he deserves therapy after all he went through, really) … And his letter to Elijah … (i’m glad nobody harshly revealed the truth to her, i’m really glad!)

I loved to see how his gaze evolved through this journey with Yohan. His endearment to Soohyun, Elijah and Yohan was very precious ;; Even though Yohan was the one who was first seen feeling lonely, Gaon’s loneliness since his parents’ death slipped through his seemingly fine world, i found that interesting! (And on a lighter note, i’ll always remember the truth behind Mrs. Ji’s cooking, Gaon’s epic reaction, and the pure comedy she gets to own a healthy food shop thanks to Yohan!!) 

I also enjoyed his supportive friendship with Jinjoo!!

—   Park Gyu Young’s acting was also on point! It’s really too bad she didn’t get more screen time because i wanted to know more about Soohyun!! I felt robbed haha, because when TDJ began airing, they introduced her as one of the ‘main’ characters of this story ;; The scene when she was on CKH’s suicide scene really left a mark on me + when she was confronting Yohan, especially after she took Elijah out!

—   Elijah. Just Elijah, our best girl!!! Apparently it’s one of Jeon Chae Eun’s first roles, she did so well!! Along with Ji Sung and Jin Young, she gave a whole new definition to the Domestic Scenes, i swear. These scenes will keep a special place in my heart for a long time! Her adorable smile and cheekiness were a refresher in this show!

(They could change TDJ’s concept in a second season and make us a domestic slice of life series, i wouldn’t mind AT ALL! Take my money!!)

Seeing her complicated relationship with her uncle unfold before us deeply moved me. The complete loneliness she silently depicted moving to her bed in the wheelchair, after Gaon left the mansion was heart-wrenching. And also the scenes after Soohyun’s death, hurting with Yohan seeing Gaon’s pain (the way she spoke her worry for the two of them, Yohan couldn’t let the words out properly to Gaon).

—   CKH’s character, played by Jang Young Nam, was amazing. Her acting already shattered me when i watched Nobody Knows! Her cold gaze, her harsh tone, she was badass i have to admit! 

The narcissistic rage was well depicted in her character, and even though i get where many’s opinions on her death come from (i share it too sometimes, but i feel it more for Sunah), i found this final decision fitting to the character, especially if you look how she treated her own son (each hold felt like a grip from rage eg. in ep. 3, as she maybe felt her son was the cause of her demise).

(HUGE SPOILERS FOR BEYOND EVIL BELOW!!!!) 

She reminded me of HKH’s ending: seeing his path to success was crushed with no way out of it except death on his own accord (in his eyes, because it was his absolute life aim, every single being, to his own wife and son, and means, even bending the justice independence, were his expendable ways to pave his path), HJW’s father was set on suicide before his son barged in. 

(Funnily enough, the filming spot for CKH’s house is the same for HKH’s house haha)

—   And also … Lawyer don’t-worry-i’ll-get-you-out-on-probation Ko deserves a round of applause for the best lawyer he is hahaha

THE STORY’S DEVELOPMENTS (AND SCRIPT). I feel like this story could very well have been developed on 20+ episodes! Even if i know some scenes in a script are sometimes (bound to be) cut in the drama, TDJ’s script leaks make me feel there was SO much more to be told, and so much more to explain some plot events in the airing drama!

Because the story was ambitious, both character and plot(twists which give you whiplash)-driven (and also the filming context with the pandemic), i feel like some choices were made.

The lines of thought about justice and the drama’s attempts at its ‘true’ definition are not lost on me. It was really interesting!

On a side note (there will be many, bear with me haha), the symbolic behind the app’s name, DIKE, which i’m pretty sure (correct me if i’m wrong, i only have some very rough basics in korean haha) is the korean romanization of Nikè, or in ancient greek Νίκη, the greek divinity of Victory ( ‘ㄴ’ in korean sounds like an ’n’ but its pronounciation is more abrupt/brisker, to the point of what could be sounding to ears like a ‘d’).

Nikè is most of the time represented as an attribute to other greek divinities who also embody the victory eg. Zeus or Athena, thus seen as a bestower of victory (in any domain, be it war, games = interestingly enough, the live court is set in a colosseum-like room, arts, …)  to the humanity on behalf of these gods (Nikè sometimes stands in her palm as an attribute of Athena, like the owl or the helmet). But sometimes Nikè was also revered an independent protective divinity.

Nikè is represented as a winged divinity in a long robe, flying above the victorious, assisting the humans in their works/challenges eg. handing them a laurel crown as a sign of victory, or a helmet, etc. Its mostly known representation is the Winged Victory of Samothrace (or The Nike of Samothrace) sculpture in the Louvre. The brand Nike also used it in its logo.

It calls back to Yohan’s line: « I make sure i win before the game starts », and in fact, since the beginning, unbeknownst to everybody witnessing the trials and participating to them, the app was his way to win. It foreshadows the ending of the story, Yohan finally taking down the foundation. It also adds to his god/devil image: he assumes the role of the intermediary/abyss of the « gods » (the Justice), taking in all the hubris of the society in order to bring the justice (well, guess we could say it put some hold to the cycle of the powerful culminating to chaos?) back, in some sort of catharsis through DIKE.

It might be a stretch, but Nikè’s winged representation could be found on Gaon’s tattoo (at first to me, it looked like a phoenix/winged angel, which symbolizes a ‘reincarnation’/new beginning for Yohan finding peace, a second chance to his past and Elijah thanks to Gaon & Gaon finding a new world even if his first crumbled ie. his parents and Soohyun’s death and professor Min’s betrayal).

(The whole virus plot by the end of the story made me feel a little uncomfortable given the actual context and the conspiracy theories that are spreading, but it wasn’t used carelessly and served the commentary of the powerful and how far they would go, i think? That said, a fiction, especially a dystopia like this, stays a fiction but when they used it, it gave me a forced laugh haha)

Now, if someone gets to translate some script bits, i’m really looking forward to:

K’s backstory!!!!!

Isaac and Yohan’s past!!!!

More about Elijah!!

Where’s the cat???

What was the script saying for Gaon and Yohan’s confrontation in ep. 12? When Yohan faced the window, waking up from a nightmare after Gaon left?

ABOUT SOOHYUN’S BACKSTORY. (Now, this will get long, i’m sorry but i needed to let my thoughts out haha) The drama introduced her as one of the four main characters with Gaon, Yohan and Sunah. I had so many expectations for her character! Especially from the three scenes we got of her:

➔ In the first episode, we see her save a young girl in the street from two men, looking up at the poster « A safe Korea will be realized from now on. »: it was a great introduction to the blatant lie of the ‘safe’ dystopian world that was being created in the story. It also showed how Soohyun felt in front of this insecure world. A side note, but seeing her hug the young girl like that reminded me the hugs she gave Gaon: she wanted to protect him from this unjust world with all her might (especially the scene in the restaurant where she hugs him). ➔ Her two confrontations with Juk Chang! ➔ Her dilemma and emotional turmoil when she erases Gaon’s presence in CKH’s office.

She was portrayed in the story as Gaon’s pillar since his parents’ tragic death and his moral compass. She’s the lawful citizen, despite feeling helpless to the world’s changes, who hopes it could be saved as long as the rule of law is preserved by everyone, and this begins by respecting it themselves. 

But she was not standing around and i kind of regret this was not shown more in the story: she kept doing her best in the « system », fighting from the inside the injustice hoping the little changes could make a difference someday. Because she couldn’t take Yohan’s path, in no way: the system/the law must be respected for it to be sustained. And i’m glad they addressed this point in the drama: Yohan chose to take on the role nobody wanted or even dared to assume, knowing fully well he became a criminal the second he began his plans (just as lawyer Ko said he was no longer a lawyer once he sided with him). 

This must not be glorified, nor vilified. As he said, it was a choice he decided to make. She mirrors his choices to some extent and i would have loved to see more of their interactions or her thoughts about that! And how she worked through the system to change things, her vision of the justice. They showed us the flashback of her career choice in high school, and it could have been interesting to learn more about her! 

A backstory about her saving the youth and meeting Sunah by accident would have been very interesting (given Sunah knew all about her since the beginning and ordered to kill her). Their meeting wouldn’t have foreshadowed Sunah’s plans, quite the opposite, and it would have given more ‘substance’ to her plans. We were robbed of this relationship haha! 

And of course, seeing her side with Yohan & Gaon for a short while (because seeing her team up with them all along the way could’ve been a little ooc) would have been dope. Her arresting Juk Chang while the two of them stop the gang was the closest thing we had to their teamwork ;;

Among the drama’s main focuses (the self-pity of the powerful and the never-ending cycle of their greed, the power displays it ensues which come in many forms in the system’s game), the conception of justice was developed all along the drama. It would have been really interesting to see whether Soohyun’s conception of justice could have changed in her own way!

And professor Min’s potential manipulation of Soohyun!!! Some scenes on their interactions could have been nice to see and explain why she focused solely on Yohan, the only side of the whole story she knew! Her reporting to the professor about her investigation (and him feeling she got too close to the truth) would have made sense because, as she saw Gaon growing apart from her as he was getting closer to the Kangs (especially since she saw him interact with Elijah when they invited her to the café, like Sunah saw how Gaon fit in their family at the dinner scene), she would’ve wanted to protect him without him knowing because she knew it’d have hurt him. It could have paralleled Gaon’s reports on Yohan to the professor at the beginning of the drama. And that could have explained (aside from the whole love triangle dynamics they had) her reluctance to tell Gaon Yohan was the one who told her his whereabouts when he was in danger in ep. 13 ; this scene also was one of the only moments addressing the lack of communication in their relationship. Seeing her feeling confused over Yohan could have been interesting!

(This also got me wondering whether in the script, Yohan’s injury was ever addressed.)

Also, i’m curious about her family, if the script mentions something about them: did they know Gaon?

About the loveline between Gaon and Soohyun: while the friendship could have stayed as is (it already felt pretty genuine in my opinion and strong friendships also deserve to be portrayed in stories), i’m convinced this drama wanted to set Gaon as the center of a subtext love & morality triangle between Soohyun and Yohan (and K and Sunah on Yohan’s part). I think i would’ve appreciated Gaon and Soohyun’s loveline so much more if they developed it more! And it had to develop in the very same episode she died: apart from the confession and kiss scene (i’m curious about the scene’s description in the script), the flashback of their moments, seen from Gaon’s pov, came just right in to ‘explain’ it! 

Of course it wasn’t the main focus of the story and there was already so much happening, but their new relationship development and her death almost had no impact on me even if it was set as a turning point for Gaon (and K for Yohan, as a cement to their respective decision to fight the system and how they would do it), and it made me really really sad! Of course it was a plot device (and i now wonder what would’ve happened if she or K wasn’t dead), but if it was bound to happen, the emotional impact was lessened!

Jinjoo’s character development and her relationship with Sunah happened really really fast, and i wonder how the script describes it!

Sunah’s involvement with the juvenile care center!!!  Her scene at the hospital left me really sad.

(Also, on the love plot, Gaon and Yohan jealousy bits weren’t used later as an expression of their envy towards the other’s status/life/etc. and were actually directed to people outside ie. Sunah/K/Soohyun in the plot, which makes me think they really wanted to set it as a love triangle!)

ABOUT SUNAH’S DEATH. I feel really really conflicted on this point. Her story was a parallel to CKH (and of course Yohan, i’ll talk about it below): two women — coming from totally opposite backgrounds — climbing their way up by their own means in this power circle. And despite all their accomplishments unnoticed (because they were the ones seeing through their plans while the others were mainly seen tearing each other into pieces), they could still be ruthlessly ejected from this world any day, part of it because they were belittled as women all the same, and chose to end her life on her own accord, still having agency over it. 

As someone else pointed it out, it also acts as a « poetic » retribution for her murder of Soohyun and K. BUT her exiting the scene in some other way staying alive could have contrasted with CKH’s suicide (especially since she overthrew the president who was the only one on her side getting in her way and even killed him in the end). Especially in a show that deals about how the justice can be carried out!

Of course, Yohan and Sunah were a foil to each other in their respective fights and traumatic past: the drama showed us how having someone to reach out to and protect (Elijah, Isaac and Gaon to Yohan ; Soohyun, Yohan and Elijah to Gaon) can become a driving force. Sunah, despite thinking this could be a weakness, also longed for companionship (from Yohan mainly, but also from Jaehee), and had no one to stop her crossing the line and preserve her from herself and the world. At least someone hearing her story, staying by her side and trying to understand her. 

Each time she said ‘can you be a little nicer to me?’ to Yohan made me feel for her (and also that one call with Jaehee), it was the only cries of loneliness she silently let out!

On a totally random note, i would have loved to see her interact more with Gaon (especially by the end of ep. 15, when Yohan was arrested)!

The story gladly didn’t end Yohan’s traumatic past and growth in death, but what about Sunah? In any case, Sunah was a really good and complex character, i enjoyed her character!

What about Jaehee? How did she react to Sunah’s death???

What about CKH’s family after her death???

I would have loved to hear more about Sunah’s plans as well! Scenes where she would play with Gaon for example (in Yohan’s presence or not, like at the photoshoot)! 

(This comment above foreshadowed, along with the dinner scene in ep. 11, she used him all along!)

Her involvement behind the scenes was only exposed in ep. 15 but i wanted to know more about her (motivations aside from her focus on Yohan, what did she plan to do before finding out a look-alike to Isaac, ...)! Given the elements in the plot, i get the idea she planned this whole business with the foundation first to reach the top and wanted to bring Yohan up with her (eg. leading the foundation or becoming the president) or down without her along the way, because she wanted his companionship. Maybe the script expands on it more? Did she really believe in the Dream Home project? Because as we saw her speech in the juvenile care center and her strong reaction to the youth being harmed in these schemes, i believe she kinda wanted to protect them as the best revenge on her past, because nobody could do it for her?  

THE ENDING SCENE. The ending was pretty good and didn’t give us an all-out tragedy, so i’m really glad! I still can’t believe Gaon was ready to blow his life away once he learnt Yohan’s death AND wanted to die with him (falsely) realizing Yohan wouldn’t change his mind, dead set on his decision (no pun intended!). And Yohan’s reaction to this ............... Now, their last scene is left to the viewers’ interpretation, but it felt to me like a new beginning to Yohan and Gaon’s relationship! As it was already said by many people on tumblr, Yohan wasn’t sure if Gaon would still be by his side despite it all, and he didn’t expect Gaon to feel this way. They’ll definitely meet again, it’s a promise of more in the future (especially Yohan’s nod, on the verge of tears and Gaon’s two relieved/endeared smiles, full of forgiveness). Gaon will join his new world once he’s done or they’ll come back to him once Elijah’s recovered.

And this game of hide and seek/hunt reflected their relationship development: Yohan felt unattainable at first, but he chased after him in the maze that was his devilish game, symbolized by the crowd, chasing him motivated by his suspicion, curiosity, anger and hate, disbelief and disappointment, empathy, worry, affection, desperation and love, until he finally reached him and they understood each other among all the crowd, living metaphorically in the same time, facing each other on the same (ground) level.

(A scene in the first episode, Gaon seeing a maze of Yohan’s reflections, maybe symbolizing he could not see through his facade in the beginning, being an enigma to him at first sight ; the choice of the reflections in the mirrors through the drama is interesting and reflects the story: depending on the angles, a story can hold as many meanings as there are points of view, the complete image surfacing once everybody’s story is told)

(Just like how, in ep. 4, Yohan shows Gaon the wicked system right under their noses, Gaon’s enraged and confused gaze directed right at Yohan after they all block his view by clinking glasses ; Yohan hoped he would understand what lies beneath but Gaon understands it fully through his own past in ep. 7-8)

(The crowd is cleared from their/our view in the final scene, leaving the two of them facing each other without any obstacle/reflection on their path)

Gaon kept Yohan’s watch all the time even in moments of doubt, sorrow and rage (the best PPL in drama history so far haha), Yohan finally got to Gaon and entered his world as Soohyun did, reaching out when he needed it the most, to stop him doing something he would regret deeply. It was symbolized by the scar he got on his left hand from preventing Gaon from stabbing him (that’s also why he caresses his scar in a bittersweet way, lost in thoughts, reminding him of their last meeting).

As @i-guess-it-rains said + according to the BTS’ editing (it passed off as a joke but i can’t erase it from my brain now haha),  the way the scene where Yohan defused Gaon’s bomb was framed looked at the same time like Yohan was also carefully handling Gaon’s heart (the bomb countdown clock radiating a red glow on his chest), on the verge of exploding. Now i have The Nights lyrics in my head haha (« My heart is going back to you, i just don’t know »)

On another note, i realized that in ep. 12, after Gaon left, he’s seen trying to call Soohyun in order to reach for her since their last confrontation, but right before, his finger glides over his contact, hesitating on Yohan’s contact before choosing to call Soohyun.

While in ep. 8, he only reaches out to Soohyun after his breakdown in the prison yard (without thinking to call Yohan because he was in the core of his doubts and pain at that time and needed space to reflect on all the events):

And it parallels to Sunah attempting to reach out to Jaehee in her loneliness at the top, hesitating before deciding to call her.

Now i hope TDJ will be on Netflix! It’d be very nice to get to watch the drama in high quality and have more people to see it!

I heard it got a webtoon adaptation so i also look forward to it once it will be translated!

A SECOND SEASON? When i first saw the ending, i thought it got wrapped up nicely and didn’t « need » another season, but it also left some parts open and laid out a new background for further developments (the system repeats itself but in another form, Yohan leaves the scene with his signature smile, maybe up to something else again, saying metaphorically or irl to Gaon he’ll come back if he doesn’t do well), kinda like Stranger/Forest of Secrets s1 or The Guest ending (the corruption doesn’t end there). I also heard it got high viewing rates in SK, so maybe it will be taken into account? And well, i’ll miss the cast so i would welcome the idea haha

THE SOUNDTRACK. The whole OST was stellar (and their titles are on point really!)! Getting to hear it without voices or noise over and with my headphones on made me realize it was even more beautiful! Because I Have You, Warmth That Melts Loneliness and If Only… are the end of me (especially If Only aaaaaaa)! Don’t get me started on Enemy of Truth’s title to the OST playing for the church fire because it’s devastating ;;;

If Only’s title … It leaves us filling in the blank space, the dots to Gaon’s thoughts when he learns about Yohan’s past and how it impacts him to this day.

The 4 songs were amazing (there’s also Different from the Outside but i still didn’t get its lyrics). Tempest was definitely etched in my mind as TDJ’s main theme haha And The Nights was my favorite!  

➔ Tempest was Yohan’s iconic theme and depicted his lonely path to revenge after the tragic events in his life, and his (fated) encounter with Gaon, how deeply it will change him in this journey in ways he didn’t expect. It perfectly introduces (with Chet Faker and Flume’s Drop the game) and concludes the drama!

➔ What you gonna do was THE revenge epic song making everyone revel in the ‘bad guys’ despair and Yohan’s badass moves! 

➔ The Nights felt like it was both Yohan and Gaon’s theme and Gaon’s sorrow after Soohyun’s death: at first i thought it was only Yohan’s, but his revenge and the last episodes proved me wrong! The song’s lyrics mirrored themselves (‘my/your night shines on you/me’), as if a complete understanding between Yohan and Gaon was found on their dark road. Yohan’s night shines on Gaon: Yohan’s broken past and all his misunderstood or hidden sides, his dedication to Elijah. Yohan’s rage (almost wrath since the biblical and god symbolism are there haha) and desire to take the inique system down waked Gaon’s own rage, buried deep inside, and made him move forward too. Gaon’s night shines on Yohan: all the time he spent with the Kangs, Gaon’s deep empathy and understanding, helping him reconnect with his niece, their dinners at night, his rage exploding when the truth about his parents was revealed, his desperation on the last two episodes (in ep. 15, seeing Gaon’s realization everything was a lie and Yohan was innocent, and in ep. 16, Gaon wanting to die by his side). Gaon’s night also shined on Soohyun, who wanted to protect him with all she got each time she saw him crumbling down.

There was still light on their dark road (which looks like a callback to Nightmare’s lyrics, « Save me from myself / Save me from this darkness that has lost its light »).

➔ Nightmare felt like it was Yohan and Sunah’s theme. When it last played when Sunah’s death happened on screen, it left me speechless (and if i remember correctly, the ‘save me from myself’ bit was played right when she shot herself … o u c h)!

[obeyme-kaidii]

Obey Me Tips

General Obey Me Gameplay Advice

I really love Obey Me. Really really really love it. I love the characters and the stories, and I really love the fan content that’s been created for it. I’ve never been involved in a fandom before, but I have to say it’s pretty amazing finding like minded people to interact and share these things with. I’m not brave enough to write fanfic, but I can give game play advice and do math, so that’s why I write these guides.☺️

My advice here is either from personal experience or because I did the research and the math so I could figure out the answer. I’ll always have proof to back up my assertions, if you’d like to see for yourself if my theories hold water. (I’ve even started a free account on my iPad just so I can thoroughly test all my recommendations from the perspective of a non-paid player.)

Please keep in mind that my advice is geared towards players that view finishing the normal mode lessons/main story as their priority. You may prefer to collect outfits or bloom all your favorite cards, and that’s quite alright too.

So without any further ado, here are my general gameplay tips and advice.

An ideal team consists of 3 Demon cards and 3 Memory cards per type.

But a team with only 2 Demon cards and 2 Memory cards per type is also viable for the normal mode lessons at this stage in the game (up to lesson 40).

This is because of the 2.6x type boost for primary types and 1.9x type boost for secondary types per level. The boost only applies to the cards that match the types on that level - so on a level with Envy as its primary type, the Envy stat on your Envy cards will receive the 2.6x boost.

So while that 2.6x boost is pretty awesome, the 1.9x boost is nothing to scoff at either. And if you have 2 Demon and 2 Memory cards of each type, then you can guarantee that all of your cards will receive some sort of boost on all the new levels.

For the first season of levels (lessons 1 - 20), you can get by with just a single team of 3 Demon cards and 3 Memory cards because the type boost for those levels works differently and applies to all cards, not just the ones that match the types for the level.

(And don’t forget you can only use 1 Demon card per brother on a single team. So if you have two Greed cards, but they are both Mammon, you’ll only be able to use one Mammon at a time. Don’t waste your time powering up both of them.)

Powering your cards up evenly is the best way to advance in the game.

I don’t know how it got started, but at some point everyone became convinced that the best way to advance was to work on a single card at a time. And that’s simply not true. In fact, it’s pretty bad advice if I’m being honest.

Things get more expensive as your cards get stronger and you get less strength for the effort. When you level your cards evenly you’re able to get more strength combined for the amount of Grimm you spend.

(If you’d like to see the math on this, I have a whole 4 part series that breaks it down bit by bit packed with examples.)

This advice applies to stars too. Bring all your cards for your teams to 1 star, then 2 stars etc. Sometimes you’ll already have the mats on hand to unlock more stars on cards of certain types, and that’s totally cool and fine to do. But when you are short on mats and trying to figure out what to work towards next, remember to strengthen your weaker cards first.

Use Grimm to level up your cards.

You do receive a small portion of experience in battles that will help your cards gain levels. But because of the mechanics of the battles and how long they take, I really don’t recommend grinding them for experience to save a few Grimm.

Maybe if you had a ton of free time and nothing better to do, I guess? But it’s just not worth the trouble to me. I think it would be a better use of your time to use the “x3” or “x5” button and just get it over with, and then go read some smutty fanfics, where you get pounded by the demon(s) of your choice. 🙃

It is worth mentioning though that the addition of the “SKIP” feature for battles where you overpower your opponent by a large margin makes it much easier to earn experience through battles, but you’ll still occasionally be given a Surprise Guest to entertain. It’s up to you to decide if that delay is worth the experience.

Stars are overrated.

I already mentioned how for most of the game my cards only had 3 stars. And that’s because the amount of time and effort you have to spend to farm hard mode materials in pretty crazy. It’s just not worth the effort to get hung up on them. You’ll quickly find yourself struggling to advance if you get distracted by the stars.

You’re better off doing events to get new cards and waiting for Levi’s Otaku Bootcamp to roll around, and doing the hard mode battles then. And if you just absolutely have to have some hard mode mats - buy the extra levels from the current event so at least you can get extra event points (and thus more rewards).

Only spend your Demon Vouchers in sets of 10.

That guarantee of getting 1 SSR card is pretty gosh darn important especially for free players that don’t have DV to waste. I know it’s tempting to spend them as you earn them, but try to resist the temptation. My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend my DV more wisely when I first started.

Don’t waste your DV on Chapter A.

Besides the UR cards, all of the cards in Chapter A can be won in the event Nightmares. So unless you really really want one of the OG Demon UR cards (which I admit, they are all pretty awesome), don’t do it. And if there is a specific UR card you want, you should try to wait until the birthday event for that demon for a better chance at getting that specific UR card (assuming they continue the pattern of releasing birthday Nightmares for all the brothers).

Invest in Chapter M when you get the chance (be sure to use 10 DV at a time).

This is important to free players especially because it’s the best way to get Memory cards. Odds are you won’t be able to get enough points for the new events to win the SSR or UR Memory cards so you’ll have to get them somewhere.

(Replaying the old events in Lonely Devil is also another good option because the rewards were much cheaper and easier to acquire than they are now.)

Don’t neglect your Memory cards.

I really cannot emphasize this enough. I know they give less strength than the Demon cards, but they are still really important in terms of not only strength, but also their special skills that can boost your strength during a dance battle (or hinder your opponent).

Glow sticks are amazing.

I love glow sticks. I always try to use the type specific glow sticks first, and save my rainbow glow sticks for when the type specific ones aren’t enough. And if you’re a free player, the rainbow ones are arguably the best way to spend your Raven.

But please don’t waste your glow sticks. If you can’t beat a level after 1 shot, take a break and look at how you can strengthen your team before trying again. You’ll be surprised at how much easier it’ll be to advance if you just add 5 levels to a card on your team whenever you get stuck.

Rainbow glow sticks - grant you a 30% boost to the Strength of the card you equip it to

Single color glow sticks - grant you a 10% boost to the Strength of the card you equip it to

If you are 10,000 strength stronger than your opponent, you have a really good chance of winning with 2 stars.

If you go for 20,000 - 30,000 strength over your opponent, it’s pretty much a guarantee at getting 3 stars.

There are exceptions to this where special skills come into play (especially in boss battles), but this has been my experience when advancing through the normal levels.

If a level is giving you trouble, try to counter the opponent’s special skills.

This was especially important for the boss battle with Diavolo at the end of Lesson 40. His combination of skills was absolutely brutal.

My original recommended team was over 50,000S above Diavolo’s S and I barely filled the bar halfway. But when I switched to a team that focused on countering all of his skills, I was able to win with a considerably weaker team.

(Yep, you’re reading that right. Beel was only level 10.)

The cards with the Abilities that can counter these skills are found in the new event Nightmares. Both the UR cards and the SSR card will have whatever the featured Ability is. The SSR cards will simply neutralize the opponent’s skill when it’s activated, but the UR cards “reflect” the skill back to your opponent so that they are cursed instead.

Only buy DV from the 99 DP offers that are available when you level up.

Or during special sales like Solomon’s Summoning Sale. Or specific packages in Mammon’s Rip-off Sale.

Sometimes you’ll need to spend some DP because you have no DV left and really want a chance at a specific card, but try to avoid doing so as much as possible. Your DV and DP will go further and last longer if you save and spend it wisely. This is especially important for free players who have to balance card collecting with building stronger teams.

Whenever you have Grimm to spare, dump it into Chapter G.

This will be your primary way to earn Raven. And Raven is a great way to buy rainbow glow sticks, additional Demon Vouchers, and now even card pieces for certain SSR and UR cards.

They also have the outfits for all the brothers demon forms which are pretty neat. I do own them all, but that’s not exactly necessary and definitely not the best use of Raven. 😂

If you need friends for the daily AP, just add all the top players from the current event.

The top players are the ones most likely to be active, and know how to use the feature to add friends. (Let’s not talk about how long it took me to figure that out when I first started playing, ok? Lol) So they’ll be the ones most likely to accept your friend request and send you AP daily.

On my free account, I just started at rank 1 and sent requests to everyone down to about rank 200 or so until I had 50 friends. And then whenever I had some new spots open up, I’d do the same thing again. I’d also check my Friends Request section to see if I had any new requests from other active players.

Oh, and I periodically remove friends that haven’t played in over 2 weeks. No sense in keeping them on my friends list when there are plenty of new people and active players who could use the free AP and send me some as well.

That’s all I’ve got for now! I hope these tips help you out some if you ever find yourself stuck and uncertain as what to do next. ❤️

[yandere-wishes]

Payment // Twisted Wonderland Yandere! Azul Ashengrotto x Reader//

Just in time for the Octavinelle chapter! I felt like making Azul suffer for a little so there is a bit of angst in here, also thank you so much to the anon who requested this story!

=========================================================

The knocking on his door jolted Azul awake from his nap. His head sprung up eyes wide surveying the layout of his office. When had he fallen asleep? The clock read 6:30 in the afternoon, yet from what he could see the moon had already risen illuminating his office with a ghostly glow. He pinched the bridge of his nose standing up and sighing. How improper of him to fall asleep while reviewing contracts as well as his school work. The knocking continued, it began to echo around the room reverberating off the insides of his skull wedging its self into his brain. louder louder!LOUDER! He marched over to the door ready to send whoever it was on their way. He was too fatigued for pleasantries and politeness. He pulled the door wide open, mouth ajar ready to yell....he never did.There stood (Y/N), eyes bloodshot fresh tear stains tattooed over her cheeks. "I want a contract right now!" she yelled pushing past him, stomping into the office and plumbing down on one of the satin white couches. Her shoulders were slumped, she looked so weak and vulnerable. Azul quickly followed behind her, headache and unfinished work long forgotten. He slipped into the seat beside her, gloved hands gently rubbing her back. Upon the physical contact, she quickly straightened her back. The popping of joints and bones roared over the quiet room. She tried to wipe away her tears, trying to keep the new ones at bay. "He..hesaidhe... he" Her words slurred together, sticking into an incomprehensible phrase. What had happened to her? Azul's mind started falling down a sprawling rabbit whole, listing all the possible horrible things that some mongrel could have done to his precious, innocent, sweet (y/n)...No..they weren't his...they'd never been his...Azul continued rubbing circles over (y/n)'s back, his warm touch sent a caused (y/n)'s sobbing to an almost full stop, her posture relaxed practically melting into his touch. An easy silence blanketed the office, Azul's heart began to speed up. He'd never been this close to her, never touched her before. The moment felt perfect, like the gentle tide washing over his body on a bright sunny day...yes this was just like those rare blissful days back at the Sea of Corals when he'd been permitted to leave his lonely cave. "I want a contract...." Your brittle voice fragmented the irie hush. Azul's blue gaze dropped to the tiled floor, why were you so insistent on that tonight. What could you possibly want so badly that you were willing to make a deal with the devil? Azul's gesture stopped, arm dropping to the couch. "....Why?" It was unlike him to question why someone wanted a contract, he would just provide the pen and paper and smile his signature glowing grin. But something about you made him act like a dame fool. "I-I want..." You couldn't utter a single word without tearing up. What was going on! "Please" Azul leaned over, taking your small hands in his "Just tell me" his tone was too caring unfit of a sea which such as himself. "I want Malleus to love me!" You blurted out, a sharp edge engraved in your tone. Azul's heart sped up ready to break his ribcage, wanting to leave his body and beach it's self like a depressed whale.  You loved...Malleus, Malleus of all people! The moody always complaining prince of the fae. The prized child of NRC. Azul never cared much for the admiration and praise that everyone threw at his feet, but hearing that the dark fae had stolen your heart shattered his. Malleus had everything so why did he have to take the only thing Azul loved? WHY!He was desperate to say no, to shout it, to scream it until his throat went raw. He wanted to tell you that he loved you, that he would always love you. Unlike that arrogant fae who never thought of anything but himself, who was always in a bad mood for the most ridiculous reasons! But alas, Azul's mouth was a graveyard the words dying on his tongue before they got to breathe an ounce of air. His grip tightened hoping that his touch might just relay what he wanted to say. "Azul" his dishearted gaze rose to meet yours, it was his turn to look frail and broken in dire need of assistance. "Can you please make senior Malleus fall in love with me?" It hurt, it hurt so awfully! It felt like a thousand piranhas were biting every inch of his flesh, some had even infiltrated his skull, munching off chunks of his brain. He closed his eyes and sigh "I...I don't know...it could take a few days to find everything...I'll let you know by tomorrow..." The answer would still be no by tomorrow it would always be no. But he couldn't tell you that tonight not when you where so beaten and sad...when you couldn't utter a word without breaking down in tears. You quickly wrapped your arms around him, hugging him tightly as you buried your face in his chest, soaking up the sea salt scent that he dragged everywhere. Azul stiffened, lazily curling and arm around your back and patting it. "Thank you...Thank you so much" your tears began to flow again staining his powder blue vest. In his mind, Azul noted to never wash that vest again.Early the next morning Jade found his dorm leader passed out on the couch in his office. His glasses had fallen on the floor somehow still intact. His short silver hair was a mess. His school jacket had been discarded over his desk along with his shoes, one being placed neatly under the table while the other rested on its side over his jacket. "Boss?" The older twin was dumbfounded by the sight in front of him. Azul Ashengrotto, the well-kept deal maker of the school looked like a pathetic manta ray. "Boss!" Nope, nothing. With a sigh, Jade walked over to the couch, he grabbed the sweaty fabric of Azul's white button-up and forcefully swung him forward. "Azul!!" this was the loudest sternest tone he'd ever used on his dorm leader, the fear of what he may do to him washed over Jade causing him to break into a nervous sweat. Gradually the silver-haired second year's eye blinked open, he ran a hand over his face as he groaned loudly. "Time" He grumbled while cracking his neck from side to side. "Past eight am, classes start in ten...god what the hell happened to you last night?" For a minute Azul's mind blurred, the events of last night too distant and foreign to properly recall. The then it hit him like a typhoon, everything (y/n) had said, how she'd been such a mess, how she'd ask her help on the only matter he wished she hadn't."(Y/N)? The first-year who's in the ramshackle dorm?" A crease formed between Jade's brows, his mouth morphing into a scowl. "Is she refusing to pay? I'll send Jade to have a little chat with her, if that's the case." His fingers dove into his pocket fishing out his cellphone, he scrolled through look for his twin's number. "Put it away" Azul ordered, he slowly pushed himself to his feet, mumbling a couple of curses. "BUT!.." Jade's eyes widen, why was Azul acting so weird today? "Look.." The silver-haired man grabbed his coat slipping from under his right shoe. "It's not that she wasn't paid, heck she hasn't even signed the dame contract yet and frankly  I don't want her to!" The older leech twin stiffened, his mismatched eyes surveyed the office look for any signs of alcohol or party pills. That was the only reasonable explanation for why Azul was being so uncharacteristic. Azul marched back to the couch after having slipped on both shoes, he flopped down on his stomach dramatically letting out a high pitch cry. He angled his head to the side to stare up at his dormant, ocean blue eyes fogged with grief like a kicked seal. "I...I think...I love...her" even Azul couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth. He was notorious for his scheming and cunning nature being capable of getting whatever he wanted. Yet here he was moaning and groaning over a girl, a simple magicless darling girl.Jade was beginning to get slightly irritated, his dorm leader the great and powerful Azul was acting like a lovesick school girl. Reluncity he took a seat next to the Cecaelia, he began patting his back the way one would a small child. "The way I see it, you have the advantage here." Jade paused waiting for his words to sink in. Azul simply shifted his orbs to stare directly into Jade's golden ones. "How so" he murmured. "Why not provide her with a love potion. They are simple to come by and rather cheap in the noir market. In return for your services, she'll provide you with a pact to her soul. That way it wouldn't matter who she's in love with, she'll always have to return to you." Azul rolled over, curling his lips into a sly smirk.Excitement bubbled inside of you as you ran towards the Octavinelle dorm. You were so close to finally getting your happily ever after! So close to your true love! You pushed the decorative wooden doors open with all your force. "Azul!" Your cheerful voice bounced off the walls of his office reverberating back to you. Your shimmering eyes scanned the large room trying to find the man that held the last key to your happiness. Your sight finally landed on the silver-haired businessman man sat smugly at his desk, head leaning forward on entwined fingers. "(Y/n)! you finally made it my dear." He seemed to perk up upon seeing you a charming smile grazing his lips. You quickly ran over to the organized desk, slamming your hands on the oak wood you joyously yelled"Do you have it?!" "Yes right here--"You ripped the contract parchment from his hands and, using a golden fish skeleton pen you found on the desk you started to write the first letter of your name. 'Wait!" Azul reached out gripping your wrist tightly to prevent you from continuing. "Maybe you should read the fine print..." His voice trailed off never before had he wanted someone to read the fine print before heck he'd talked all so many people out of reading it! "No, no it's fine I'll pay whatever it takes!" You tugged your wrist from his fingers and rapidly scribbled the last few letters. You stood up straight reaching your hands out to Azul for him to drop whatever contraption he had conjured to help Malleus accept your confession. The sea witch tossed you a tiny glass bottle with a sickening pink like liquid inside. "Mix that into some chocolates or a drink or whatever you are going to give him, just make sure he eats it." You laughed as tears of joy slipped from the corners of your eyes. Spinning on your heels you dashed the door before Azul's voice stopped you dead in your tracks. "Aren't you forgetting your payment?"You turned with a frown on your face. "I-I um didn't bring anything with me, just tell me what it is you want and I'll go get it!" but Azul just shook his head and signaled with his finger for you to come back. Disheartedly you walked back to the desk, as you did so, Azul slipped a reflective colored oval into his mouth. As you stepped closer he grabbed your upper arm leaning you over his desk as his lips pushed upon your own. His teeth bite harshly into your lip causing you to which and open your mouth a bit, just enough for him to slip his tough in. Your mouth overflew with the taste of salt as something scaly slipped down your throat. As soon as you had swallowed the invasive object, Azul retracted. He clutched your chin with his fingers, tilting your head up. "Jade proposed I charge you a soul-bonding spell, in which your soul would become mine." Upon his words your eyes widen, a cold sweat broke over your body. "But being the saint that I am, I chose to charge you something else." You prayed in your mind that your payment would only be the kiss that whatever he had slipped into your mouth would have just been a joke, but your hope died down as he continued "I chose an attachment spell instead, much more effective and beneficial for the both of us. You can't step further than 12 meters from me or your body will start to morph into that of a tiny little fish. Really it's a gift it aids me in keeping you safe! "Once again tears started to fall from your eyes just like the night before. You're happily ever after shattering before your eyes. Azul let go of your chin and walked over from his desk. He laced his finger with your own and practically dragged you to the door, only stopping to retrieve his hat from the coat rack. "I believe we should get started on those chocolates from Malleus don't you agree? After all, he too should get a taste of what it feels like to want something yet for it to be so out of reach!""But not to worry you, poor unfortunate soul! Now that I have you in my clutch I'm NEVER letting you get away!"

[alias-b]

angel cake.

Summary: Former enemies, now friends and maybe lovers, Billy Hargrove and Evie Fenny start teasing in a church confessional. Things take a turn for the heated when Billy's imagination gets away from him. ~Also posted on my AO3

Billy/plus size!OC. Fucking in a confessional. Sin. Filth. Thanks for reading. Weird to write them romantically bc the start of the fic is Rough. They have work to do. Billy Being Nasty In Church. Teaser at later stuff for my new enemies to friends to lovers Billy/OC Fic, Sins of My Youth, that I want to start posting. XOXO.

Billy Hargrove x Evie Fenny

angel cake. 🍰

   “You really have to go to this thing?” Billy’s Camaro roared into a church parking lot. Looked out of place there. Multicolored tulips swept against the spring wind, too pleasant before the fender.

   “Told mom I’d help out. I’m not staying for the festivities, they just need extra hands setting up the food and Easter egg hunt.” Aviators flashed at Evie in the passenger seat.

   Billy with his arm propped in the window. Denim jacket and white button down tucked into tight jeans. Cigarette dangling out his lips. Exceptionally pretty, even against all the pastel flowers and banners set for the holiday. 

   “What a good daughter. Santa ought to put you on the nice list for sure.” He plucked the smoke out to exhale as she brought the car mirror down.

   “Hell, I forgot I had red on today.You have napkins in here?” She opened the glove box to sift through papers. Billy extended his arm.

   “Use the jacket, give me something messy to remember you by.” A wink followed before she took his wrist and smacked a ruby kiss into his forearm, printing the light wash. Eyes flicked as some of the red lipstick got swiped away, leaving a more pink tint behind.

   “Thanks, I guess.”

   “Red is the devil’s color,  Evangeline.” Came some mocking in a horrid southern accent. She scoffed with her eyes elsewhere.

   “You could always come help if you’re going to pout.” She dug around her purse.

   “Not pouting. Churches and I don’t mix. It’s the one thing dad and I agree on.” Billy pulled his shades down and folded them into his front pocket with the cigarettes. 

   “Well, pick me up in an hour, we’ll go catch something scary and sinful.” She applied chapstick and rubbed her lips together.

   “Sinful? I like that.” Billy’s fingers squeezed her thigh, hot on skin and just barely under the little black suspender skirt. Evie wore a brightly colored tee with sunflowers all over it. Her usual green bomber jacket covered in patches. “That new?”

   “The chapstick? No, it’s tinted and smells like watermelon though.”

   “Let me try.” Billy saw her offer the tube and instead pulled her in by the collar for a kiss. Mashing their lips together. He flicked his tongue out for good measure and heard her gasp against his ferocity. It still managed to catch her off guard. A light smack when he parted, tonguing his bottom lip. “Mm, tastes like watermelon too.”

   “Billy, there are people over there.” She pushed his wandering hand out of her skirt.

   “I’d like to see Jesus himself come out and...what the fuck is that?” Billy’s finger lifted so Evie followed it to see the Easter Bunny leaving a lone side door. Lavender fur with white tufts, huge goofy grin.

   “Yeah, they have someone dress up every year for when the kids arrive, which is in about sixty minutes, so I gotta go.” Evie had Billy’s wrist again to check the time. Pecked his cheek and shifting before he about howled. “What?” Her body jumped at the sound.

   “No fucking way!” Billy was scrambling out because the bunny head had come off so a quick smoke could be snuck around back. “No way! Hey, Harrington! That you, amigo? What’s up, doc?” 

   Steve spun on his heel, holding a cigarette in one hand and the bunny head under his other arm. His head fell back with a groan because Billy was leaning up against his chair, bent over to belly laugh.

   “Hargrove?” Steve looked mortified, but played tough. “Are they really letting you within five feet of a church?” Billy was too busy cackling to retort. Fist clenched and head resting upon his arm on the Camaro.

   “The fucking tail.” Billy wasn’t stopping so Evie crossed her arms.

   “What happened to Gary?” Evie approached Steve, head cocking. “Ignore Billy.”

   “I try to… And food poisoning. I dropped Dustin off at home yesterday to help Claudia out and she begged me last minute. I’m getting fifteen bucks for it though. Not bad for the Saturday before Easter.” He flashed a half smile. “Suit kinda smells like potpourri, I-...Is he gonna stop or what?” 

   “He’ll tucker himself out eventually.” Evie turned her head to see Billy unable to get air. “Billy, take a breath already before you pass out!” A huge gulp followed. More wild laughter. “Jeez.”

   “I’m never gonna live this down, shit.” Steve mumbled around his smoke, flicking it. “Asshole.”

   “Might want to get back in, Pastor will have a cow if he catches you smoking in the suit.” Evie took the head to help Steve back into it.

   “See you, Hargrove. Remember to breathe, dick.” The bunny snuck back in the side door. Another round of laughs at the sight of the puffy tail.

   “I wanna kick his ass so bad. You don’t understand.” Billy stretched out, eyes watering and cheeks blushed. Freckles glowing.

   “You short circuiting still?” Evie peered down at her boots.

   “I don’t know what Easter is about, but that...was the best shit I’ve ever seen.” Billy snickered like a little boy with his hand in the cookie jar. Evie only rolled her eyes.

   “New beginnings, Billy.” Heels clicked up behind them so Billy straightened quick to get his composure.

   “Hey, mom.” Evie leaned out from behind the boy.

   Mona Fenny appeared from the main doors, her arms full of bags. Brightly colored plastic eggs packed with treats about to spill out. Hair pumped, unable to move, with a short 60s sheath dress clinging to her body. Yellow and orange print. Something that was definitely noted by the men around. Single and ready at all times. Evie felt her cheeks heat at her mother.

   “New beginnings, Miss Mona?” Billy repeated, one hand sliding into his jean pocket.

   “That’s what I always thought, sugar.” That southern twang thick beyond all reach.

   Billy always liked to poke fun at Evie, she had the slightest Louisiana touch to her voice that came out when she was in a more fiery disposition. She swore it wasn’t true.

   “Evie, they’re trying to get the dessert table set up. I didn’t realize Billy was joining us.” Mona continued.

   “Oh, I-”

   “You know, Billy was actually telling me he’s never been to a real Easter gathering before. Not a church event.” Evie’s sly smile crossed and he shot her a look. “I’m sure those big, strong arms you got would really help out setting up.” Evie came to him and gave his bicep a pat.

   “That’s lovely, Billy. You know the kids just love this event, fun in the sun and more food than you’ll ever eat. Go on inside, you two. We have decorations to get going.” Mona clicked away, peppy in stride.

   “I had a hair appointment.” Billy hissed through his teeth when Evie’s mother was gone.

   “You want to tell my mother that you’re going to get your hair done somewhere that isn’t her salon?” Evie’s lips pressed. Billy’s face scrunched because she had him there. “I panicked, the people here are too much. Please stay.”

   “Your mom never turns her volume down, does she? Looking more like a brunette Sharon Tate than a Dolly Parton.” Billy locked his car, stuffing the scorpion keychain into his pocket.

   “Been like that since dad left, she’s...on the market. Trying to feel good. People notice and they say some not great stuff. She went from dressing like a nun to a model overnight.” Evie was holding her arms close to her chest still, making this unconscious patting motion Billy always noted like she was trying to console herself.

   “Really bugs you, what people think.”

   “It’s a small town, it bugs everyone.” Evie turned, skirt flitting while her curls bounced. “Don’t like all these guys ogling my mom.”

   Doesn’t like that one might replace her dad. Evie peered back at Billy, lips pushed up to appear brighter. He decided he wanted to see her happier without force.

   “I’ll stick around. You owe me.” Steps followed. One hand gave her bottom a firm pat.

   “You know, the Easter Bunny has to do a dance before the festivities begin?” She whispered then. “It’s tradition.”

   Billy perked up like a dog.

   “Right, so, decorations?” He waltzed ahead with a giggling girl in tow. Spotted the moms passing boxes off. All stilling to see him there. Wind sweeping his blond locks like a beefcake out of a romance novel. Shirt open with his saint chain glinting upon his tanned chest. “Ladies.”

   “Hi, Billy.” Came the chorus.

   He ate that up a little. 

   Sunlight was barely felt through the spring breeze. Balloons and streamers glowed every direction. Twisted around Evie’s manicured fingers as she passed them up to Billy to be tied around the banner.

   “Feel like I might float away here.” The wind swept up her unruly curls as she smiled below when Billy peered to see her. Pink and violet balloons. Yellow streamers. She looked like a piece of decadent candy there. “What?”

   Billy snapped out of it.

   “Why do I have to be on the ladder?” He snatched another bundle of strings from her to tie them up.

   “I wore a skirt so I wouldn’t have to be.” Came the cheeky reply. Hawkins residents hurried all over to set up the grassy field.

   “Let’s switch. Although, the view here ain’t half bad. I can totally see down your shirt.” His tongue swept over eager lips as eyes lowered to her breasts. Brows furrowed to glare at him. It was striking how cute she was, even angry. High, apple cheeks and pillowy lips. The sun brought some gold into lush, dark curls. 

   “Jerk.” An arm hanging with streamers covered her chest. “We’re standing next to a church. Behave yourself, you’re fixing to get smited.”

   “God’s got bigger problems than me.” He shrugged, caught his tongue in teeth. Smirked. “Fixin’ to. Your Louisiana is showing.”

   “Shut it, I got too much family down there still. Sometimes it jumps out. I don’t have an accent.”

   “You so do. Just saying it’s cute.” He caught her cheeks flooding all strawberries and cream.

   “Hey, I have to keep my clinically unapproachable ice queen reputation. You’re not helping.”

   “Damn cute then.” Billy’s head cocked. A wink of those sinfully, long lashes. “Hand me another one.”

   Evie’s hand came to his to offer a new bundle of balloons.

   Green grass swept about as parents worked to hide eggs all over and a full spread of picnic food was set out on blue gingham tables. Kids started to pile in so Billy decided it was time to hide around the building after snagging the biggest piece of apple pie he could. Alone, they watched the crowds play beyond a row of vibrant tulips.

   “One fork?” Evie leaned up against the wall.

   “You had my tongue in your mouth this morning, don’t complain about sharing a fork.”

   “Fair enough.” She let him feed her a bite. “That wasn’t so bad, time flew. You want to jet?” A bouncy tune played as Billy craned his neck around the corner after a huge bit of pie. Evie followed his line of sight.

   “Easter is my new favorite holiday.” He let Evie snag the fork to finish off the slice, tossing the plate into the trash. Genuine laughter as Steve Harrington did a jig in his costume across the open field. Billy’s arm slid over Evie’s shoulders. “You think I can pay one of these kids to kick bunny in the nuts?”

   “We’re leaving… Before you traumatize some child.” She tugged at his wrist to sneak in a side door. “Left my coat and purse over here.”

   Absolutely empty and dim save for the morning sun spilling into stained glass. They passed rows of pews to the tables covered in empty boxes. Evie went for her purse and realized she already lost Billy, curiously rooting around.

   “Hey, don’t touch that.”

   “They actually have one of these things? I thought movies made this shit up.” Billy poked his head around the little confessional booth. Hardwood and sleek to touch. Ornate and out of place against bright blue wallpaper. Two doors on either side. “So, everyone’s planning on staying outside right? Should be entertained a few hours, hm.”

   He went in and a lock clicked.

   “Billy, hey.” Evie felt the urge to keep her voice low. “Get out of there. They actually don’t really use this thing anymore.”

   “Doesn’t get use, eh? Too bad.” His snicker was muffled. “Get in the other side, Angel, confess your sins.”

   “I’ll confess that I think the nickname is still silly.” She wiggled the handle and poked her head into the opposite side. Saw Billy’s pretty silhouette through the tiny mesh window. Both sides were cramped like an airplane bathroom.

   “Roomier than I thought.”

   ��Some of us have hips here.” Evie huffed at him, the door shut while she slid inside. “Kinda creepy actually, let’s go.”

   “You gotta confess first, it’s the rule.” His wild curls flicked so she plopped into the wooden bench.

   “This is not even sexy, I feel like I’m about to be murdered here.” She pressed her hands on either wall.

   “Better confess quick in that case,” Billy leaned in, she saw his lashes flutter, “what color are your panties today?”

   “Billy.” She covered the mesh with one hand.

   “Do they match the bra?” He continued, voice lowering.

   “I’m not doing this.” Evie lifted her skirt and shifted a lacy pair of shorts aside to see. Billy’s breath drew heavier. “What’s it matter if they match?”

   “If they match, you walked into this church thinking you’d be getting some later.” He said that far too matter-a-factually. “Sinner. What color? Describe them exactly.”

   “You’re being gross.” She knew he heard the band of her little biker shorts snap. Caved. “Purple. Like a lilac.”

   “Cotton?”

   “...Satin.”

   A lengthy hum from Billy at that.

   “And the bra. I’m assuming the same.” He already heard Evie shuffling to check.

   “Ah, shit.” She let her shirt go and he chuckled. “I didn’t even plan that. I wasn’t thinking about it.”

   “Your subconscious knew, Angel. No denying it.” Billy propped his arm up.

   “Okay, what do you have on?” The challenge was easily met.

   “Nothing under the jeans, currently. You should try it.”

   “In a skirt? Without my little shorts? My thighs would rub, I’d be miserable.” Came a whine.

   “I’d massage your poor thighs, maybe blow the hot skin to cool it off if you like.” His suggestion wasn’t helpful. “Spread them and rub some ice to make you feel better. Few kisses all the way up.” That damn low baritone lingered upon the syllables like he might lick them. Evie gave a silent snort out her nose. “You’d probably squirm a little bit like you are now.”

   “I am not squirming.” Evie’s chest lifted, eyes turned to Billy’s outline.

   “Now, Angel, you can’t tell lies in here. The sins are just piling up for you today.” Billy peered around, couldn’t see much in here. Spotted her lips parting, but sound came out. “Betcha, you’re already soaked through those satin, lilac panties.” His purring was met with hard silence before a forcibly huff.

   “Billy...quit it.” She bit her lip this time sounding like she’d smiled. Billy spotted her cheeks lifting, full and blushed all pretty he figured.

   “I’ll confess, it took every ounce of fight in me to get you here on time. Lot of places in this town to stop and...park at for a bit. The one charming thing I discovered about this place.”

   “How sunny side up of you.” She hummed.

   “You would have let me have it because we would have parked for awhile. You’d be late. Probably left your wrecked panties in the backseat and walked around here with fireworks still going off under your skin. We both know it.” 

   “Probably wouldn’t have made it here at all.” Her slow reply was uttered and Billy grinned.

   “See, I behaved.” He got closer to the window. “Confess, Evie.”

   “Confess that you’re a total horn dog.” She drew in to meet him.

   “Confess what you want me to do to you in there.” Billy murmured. She blew a curl out her face at that. “I got it, I want you to be my first.” He’d offered that with huge, glittering eyes she’d caught the glint of. Eyebrows jumped.

   “What? Literally yesterday, we-”

   “I never fucked in a church before.” He got her eyes rolling hard, almost to the back of her skull.

   “Jesus Christ, Billy.” She covered the mesh again, heard him laughing on the other side.

   “Not the name you need to be moaning right now.” Billy smacked the window closed and came out. 

   “Finally, we can go-” Evie had the door open. Still blushing. Chest puffed. 

   Billy appeared from smoke, had his hands on either side before he pushed in. Catching her lips on the way until the door could shut behind them. Cupping Evie’s face so she pressed into the wall. Back of her legs hit the bench and managed to not buckle. Palms felt around the hardwood for something to grab for until fingers bunched up Billy’s jacket.

   She broke for air. Gulped on it before his tongue was back into her mouth.

   “We should…” Lips swelled with kisses. “Go to the car.”

   “Will you make that walk? I know I won’t.” Came the hushed reply. “We could cross something big off the bucket list.” Persuasive lips were already working on her neck, teeth tugged her ear and grazed back down. Billy got a handful of her tits and hummed.

   “Not...Not sure it’s on my bucket list.” She just held onto him. Knees wobbling as Billy massaged through the bra.

   “I’d add it now while you have time.” He pecked her throat. Felt the pulse under tender skin racing. “Confess.” It was a sinful purr. Evie’s head tipped back. Lungs starting to sputter. Billy made her heart a pile of volcanic mush.

   “What if someone comes in?” She let him tuck her curls aside. Lips on her cheeks and jaw. Finding her mouth again. Tasting sweet sugar from the apple pie they shared.

   “We’ll just have to keep it down and pray the party is entertaining enough to keep people outside.” He mumbled, coming out to pull the shirt from her skirt up over the pretty bra she had on. 

   Hands pulled her suspenders forth until Evie molded into him. Kissed back with the same fierce vigor he gave. Felt the chain around his neck while her fingers slipped under the collar of his shirt, four buttons already undone.

   The hard lines of his body sweltered with fire. Whatever resolve she might have had melted away completely. 

   Evie liked how he always cupped her face to look at her features close between steaming kisses. Fingers trailed to work her bra down just enough for her to spill into his touch. Into his mouth. Bruising suckles. Teeth edging across silken skin. Tongue swirling one dark, rosy nipple than the other as she tried to quiet herself and ran fingers into his gold mane. A hiss and Billy’s eyes lifted. Evie’s head was turned aside, teeth in her bottom lip. Eyes shut.

   “Cute when you try to hold it together.” Cool breath against her hard, wet nipple sent a vibration down her spine. Billy licked up her chest to inhale that amber perfume, a floral scent with a touch of vanilla from her lotion. Smelled lush to match him. She pushed his face back into her cleavage, partly to quiet him because he was too cocky.

   Chuckling and breathless, Billy came up to tease her lips. Twisting her nipples just so to elicit a sigh. Low and even, Billy ran his finger over her mouth.

   “Just confess, Angel, it’ll feel so fucking good when you do.” He caught her bottom lip and let it go.

   “Promise?” Evie’s lips parted involuntarily at his touch, let his finger stroke her tongue and slip out. 

   “I promise.” That same hand already hiked her skirt to tug at shorts until they came down. His finger inched under the waistband of her panties, teasing sensitive skin. She pressed into his body, vibrating for more. Swaying. Arms snug around his shoulders to stay upright.

   A shameless sound when her lips collided with his. Thigh hitching around his hips in a needy motion. Not shy about what she desired for one beat because he knew how to coax that side of her out. Billy teased lighter kisses, let his deft fingers dance along her inner thigh. Evie was stubborn and she knew what he wanted. 

  Confession.

   A growl rippled out her tense vocal cords. Trying to reel sound in despite Billy’s inherent ability to make her see new sparks of vivid neon colors here in pure darkness.

   “Okay…” She panted, pulling for him until their foreheads touched. “Okay.” A drunken moment where eyes could close. One beat of peace in obscenity. His free arm tightened around the small of her back so they were flush together. Perfect fit. Every curve to her body sloped easily into him. An almost Biblical fate because of how good they felt together. Evie parted her mouth to ghost it over his. “I sinned.”

   “Yeah?” Billy’s palm inched up to reward her sighs. A smirk crossed. “How’s that?”

   “Because I was hoping you’d pull over on the way here. Would have seen the new underwear in a better light. And I squirmed the whole way. Your loss.” All that cheeky strength simmered down when fingers pushed between thick thighs. Wet satin fabric slipped deliberately against her and Billy moaned at the mere feel. Rock hard.

   “Fuck, you’re soaked, Angel.” His tone thickened.

   Evie wasn’t able to articulate. Face in his chest with her needy fingers tight on his jacket. She played her demure self again. Billy felt her legs tremor, nudged them further apart with his boot.

   “All for me? I wouldn’t call it a loss. You gotta hold yourself up a bit longer, open that mouth again.” He gave her two slick fingers to suck so he could kiss down her tits some more. Plucked and nipped at every sensitive part of her body. “Fucking god damn it, I might give religion a shot after this.”

   “Yeah?” Evie licked the pads as Billy slunk down to marvel. Thought about taking her skirt off, but he decided he liked the way the straps framed her breasts partially spilling out of the bra.

   One hand forced her thigh up until her foot hit the bench. Evie was curved back into the wall, holding the side frame and gripping Billy’s shoulder.

   “Long as I get to go where you’re going, I don’t give a shit about anything else.” A chuckle warmed her leg as he pushed her skirt up out of the way.

   “That sounded oddly sentimental.”

   “Maybe I’ll bring you down to my level instead. Sinner.” Billy’s mouth placed one open kiss against her wet panties. Tongue following the hard swell of her bud. She decided she’d let him there in darkness. Every muscle in Evie’s body jumped at full attention. His divine and equally wicked mouth hummed blissfully. She craned to dig teeth into her own arm. Fists clenching.

   Billy maneuvered her leg over to get the ruined fabric down. Tucked them into his coat pocket and she figured she wouldn’t be seeing them again. Kneeling, Billy scooted closer and pushed her thigh back up, baring her to his mouth. 

   A cry hitched, snuffing out immediately as he tasted her. Filthy, open mouth kisses until her fingers tangled into his hair. Pulled. Billy moaned into her folds. Squeezed her thighs and loved the feel of them. God, he really couldn’t get enough of this girl. Every whine she let him have. Every nerve that wanted him. Needed him to ease the frays and sizzling. He just couldn’t get enough and was fine with following her into the dark.

   “Don’t stop.” Evie whispered. Hair falling into her face while her breasts rose and fell. She licked her lips and savored him.

   The dirty sounds he made against her that barely carried outside the booth. Billy squeezed her breast once he was certain she could stay up so she covered his hand. Craned to suck fingers. A gasp left. Evie’s hips rolled into his mouth. Asking for even more until two fingers pushed inside. 

   Billy moaned when her walls clamped. Pumped through the resistance to massage her nice and deep. Evie was quivering there. Using both arms on the sides to stay up. Shameless working into him now. Billy made a vaguely amused sound and gave an obscene pop around her clit, leaning out with arousal slicking his pink lips. It was music, the sounds her body let flow into crisp air.

   “Damn, no wonder you don’t go here anymore. Fucking yourself so hard and pretty on my fingers like this. You couldn’t make the nice list if you paid.” Being eye level with the sight had his cock twitching almost painfully. Evie’s head was tossed back. Clearly getting herself closer so Billy pulled away. Silenced her whine with a kiss. Let her suck and nip at his bottom lip. “See how fucking good you taste?”

   Evie’s hands were opening his belt. Quick and eager. Billy hitched as one palm slipped in, fingers ghosting trimmed blond hair to ease him out of the denim.

   “Confess, Evie, how bad you want me to fuck you right here.” He spoke as if he still had the upper hand.

   “Bet you I can do it without words.” Evie had his hips, guiding Billy to switch so he could sit. The question died and buried itself the second she sank down to lick precum pooling at his tip. Billy’s hips thrust up, eyes heavy and hooded.

   “That bad?” He shuddered, legs opening so she could lean into him. Evie unbuttoned the rest of his shirt to kiss the steel muscles. Twitching and molten. Nails scraped his skin. Stopped to stroke him idly. Kissing his abdomen, thighs, and tip. Evie traced the lines of vein and muscle. Down his shaft and back up his chest. So many sharp angles to explore.

   Little butterfly kisses while she leaned in until his cock slipped snug between her breasts. Spit slick and beading clear arousal. Billy moaned at the sight and gave a rut as she noticed and started to come out. 

   Hands latched to her shoulders. Billy hummed and rolled her nipple. Felt the weight of her tits and pushed them to squeeze his shaft. Idle fingers stilled to tuck her hair back in a way that was almost tender.

   “You’re pretty like this,” he said thoughtfully, “you’re pretty every which way.” Teeth tugged at her bottom lip. A shy kiss followed. Sometimes, he got so bold, she sank. Learned to savor it. Billy whispered against her. “Have I ever told you my cock looks great between your tits like that?” Frankly, he’d be happy to get off rubbing between her breasts or thighs alone. Fingers digging into supple skin. Evie had become a drug to him. Vanilla and amber immersed him in a high.

   “The occasion hasn’t really crossed.”

   “I’ll have to fix that next time I can lie you down.” Billy let her stroke him again and come up. Hesitating so he had to encourage her. “Get in my lap.” He was already pulling her into him. Smoothing hair back sweetly for lingering kisses.

   She long stopped worrying about feeling too heavy for him. Billy threw her around a mattress like it was nothing. Spread her legs, bent them up how he liked. Marveled at her flexibility. Kissed her obscenely and told her how pretty and blushed she looked. She liked when he was ample with her body. The boy certainly lifted enough weights, a fuller girl with hips was nothing to that. Jeans shifted lower as she straddled him. A kiss before she sank down.

   Billy moaned. A low honeyed sound into her ear. Almost musical. Arms wrapped tighter. Evie thanked God for birth control and moved at his coaxing.

   “C’mon, fuck me. I want it.” Billy kissed her fiercely. Nipples. Collar. Throat. Jawline. Mouth. And each time, he felt that same thrill rush his bones. A palm smacked her ass, squeezed it. Got drunk off the pulsing and little whines she gave him as if they were gift wrapped. “Confession. I want pictures of you. Spread out with my cock in you every way you like. They won’t beat the real thing, but fuck, I can’t...stop with you. Don’t want to.”

   Billy looked vulnerable when he moaned so pretty.

   His knuckles traced the curve of her cheekbone. Evie bounced, gripped his shoulders to stay upright with her spine curving. Unable to respond to something so passionate. Billy had that mode on him, sometimes it came out in odd ways. Filthy words to match his obscene way of caressing and worship. His manner of making Evie feel bold and sexy. Cute. Pretty. Fierce. Desired. The fact that sometimes he’d lie still for once and seek out her fingers across his curls and her lips on his cheek.

   Evie Fenny was a drug and cure to him, all at once. She gave back. Made Billy feel full and light. Made him feel present. Like he could shed his fangs. Lie back and feel the sun on his skin.

   “Confession,” Evie said between quick kisses with her thumb tracing the edge of his jaw, “I want more of you too. After....”

   “After?” He scoffed. “Like tonight?”

   “Just… After.” She slowed to rock into him. Deep thrusts that made them both moan in sync. So close. “After what’s next for us. Life. High school. Whatever. I want you to be apart of my after.”

   He could blame the sex for short circuiting her brain, he’d given it to her pretty hard.

   “I don’t know what I’m saying.” She rubbed her eyes, laughed because it felt silly. Felt Billy swoop in to kiss her. Wordlessly validating it wasn’t silly at all. That was another thing they did, pumped life into hopeful hearts and dwindling thoughts of something more. Something that was waiting...after.

   “We’ll deal with the after.” Billy skimmed a hand between them. Stroked her until she gave a cry into the denim of his jacket. A beautiful note. Evie thought she heard the twinkling music from outside, joyful and airy. Realized that maybe it was just playing in her head. “Right now, I want you to come.” He pecked her parted lips. “Cum for me, Angel.”

  “Billy.” She found his mouth again. They shared a godly nectar in one kiss. He worked her hips into his as she climaxed. Lungs heaving with a great arch. Billy watched her tits bounce and found his own release quick. Let her slip into him as he fell back to the wall. Lungs tried to find some peace. That New Orleans accent laced her tone again. “God damn it, Billy.”

   “Still a church, Fenny.” He massaged her thighs. Eyes shifting while she breathed even and fixed her bra. Tucked her shirt back in.

  “I need a bathroom. This is about to be a mess.” She slipped off him, pulled her undershorts back on because he wasn’t giving her panties up. Thighs hummed, sore and blissful. Billy tucked himself away to fix his own clothing back. Evie poked her head out. “Coast is clear.”

  Without thinking, she laced her hand in his. Hurried him out to the bathroom to pee and wash up. Saw her patchy, red cheeks in the mirror and huffed. Patted cold water on them. Billy finished at the sink and lit a quick cigarette by the window. That chipper music lingered outside.

  “Your mom is going to be here awhile. I vote your place.”

  “Movie on the couch.” She flicked hair aside. Billy flashed a smile, nodding as he snuffed the smoke out.

  “To start, maybe.” Two fingers grasped her chin, angled Evie’s mouth for a slow kiss. Tasted sweet, obscene, and smoky all at once. Made her dizzy.

  “I’d come back here under certain conditions.” He passed to go out with Evie behind him. She found her purse and coat again.

   “Let’s go, you had your fun.” She chuckled as they rejoined the event outside. Wind and all.

  “Uh, I think you did too.” Billy’s arm hung around her shoulder. Easy with their height difference.

  “You two leaving?” Mona had called, edging from her conversation to cross once the teens were outside. Evie pressed her legs together. Smiled. The Pastor who’d been speaking to her mother followed too. Plastic grin upon his face.

  “Ah, yeah, I’ll see you later, mom.” Evie had replied.

  “Thanks for coming to help.” Mona beamed. “Pastor Ray, you know Billy. Our neighbor. He was kind enough to help out.”

  “Mr. Hargrove. I’m surprised to see you here.” They shook tense hands.

  “Only thing I like more than Jesus is Christ. Who doesn’t want to turn water into wine.” Billy’s sarcasm was almost charming. He got a flat look in return.

  “I see...”

  “Evie, can you take some of the food home, honey? We’ll feed the neighbors.” Mona grasped Evie’s arm to pull her forth. “Just put it in the fridge. I’ll organize later.”

  “Sure.” Evie started to follow.

  “Be sure to grab the cherry pie if there’s any left. The ladies outdid themselves this year. Billy, you’re free to take some food home, son.” The Pastor addressed him kindly again. Billy’s grin flashed shiny teeth.

  “I love a good cherry pie, but I filled up on angel cake.”

  He caught Evie’s head whipping toward him as she went. Eyes ablaze which made his smile bigger.

  “Oh?” Ray’s head cocked. “I didn’t see that over there. Must have went fast.”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe, sir.” Billy patted the man’s shoulder and sauntered by. “Nice church, by the way. Pointy.” Evie hurried to his car with her arms full of Tupperware and boxes. Settled them in the backseat.

  “You’re so dead.” She looked sweet, waving at her mother across the lot. Billy laughed, starting his car. “I pick the music.” Her hand swatted his and a groan followed as she tuned the radio to some Etta James. Billy revved out of the parking lot, turning some heads as he went.

  “Admit it, you wouldn’t change what you did today. Sinner.” Billy’s free hand found her leg out of his usual habit. “Made my first church going experience special.”

  “Don’t turn on the waterworks just yet.” She teased back, sucking her cheeks in without looking at him. “Still mad at you.” A smile pulled her forcibly grumpy expression. Billy came to a stoplight. Tugged at a curl to let it bounce so she peered at him. Nose crinkling when she broke to chuckle.

  “Admit it.” Billy gave her thigh a squeeze, vibrant eyes flickering.

  “Make me.” Evie said, facing the road. “Later.” Lips lifted before the light turned green. His Camaro lurched forward.

  “Happy to.” Billy caught the song change. “Hey.”

  “Hm?”

  “It’s that song you’re always singing to yourself.” Billy turned it up. Irma Thomas. “The mushy one.” Her favorite. He played like it was a careless thing, but Evie stared at him. Warming. Reeled in too easily.

   Anyone…

   Anyone…

  “Shocked you paid attention to that.” She offered after a beat.

  “I have to hear it every day I see you, Evie.” Billy snorted, ocean eyes intent on the road. Evie knew better. “Not like I have a choice. Singing and plucking that guitar constantly.” He peered at the trees. “That stuff you were rambling about during the sex high about after.”

   “Sex high.” She scoffed.

   “Was that the fucking making a mess of you?” Billy asked slower. “Used to hate me.”

   “I didn’t hate you,” Evie paused when he shot her an unconvinced look, “we weren’t agreeable.”

   “Agreeable? Okay, now you sound like that prissy Austen chick you like to read.” Billy’s retort made her giggle. These little details he picked up about her that stuck with him. It was true, their relationship used to be in the negative for good reason.

   “I like when we hang out.” Evie shrugged. “Labels. Whatever. I just meant, we should...keep hanging out.”

   “After?”

   “After.” Evie produced simply. Billy twitched amusement at her, turned a corner.

   “Well,” he parked, “I don’t know, good. I guess”

   “Fine.”

   “Great.” Billy cut back in, challenged.

   “Wonderful.”

   “Fan-fucking-tastic.”

   Evie grasped his jacket, shut him up with a kiss. Made the boy breathless there. Billy’s blue eyes glimmered at her. Calm seas for miles. The sun shined into his car. Made the teens glow.

   “Movie?” She unbuckled to get out with him following. “Gotta get this food into my fridge.”

   “Only if I pick.” Billy stood there and let her set boxes into his arms before she grabbed the rest so they could walk up the driveway.

   “Sure. Our tastes align.” Evie peeked back at him with doe brown eyes. “I trust you.” She’d offered that too casually, Billy stilled at the door to watch her unlock it. Blinked.

   That was the thing about them, how nonchalant their hearts beat together. A totally on purpose accident. Billy remembering Evie’s quirks and her reluctance to show certain petals sprouting from her stem for fear the world might not like the colors. Budding to flash them with some fire and vibrancy because she had a boy who encouraged them despite it all. And she teased this incandescent quality back out of him with ease. Made him work to be still and feel the world turn once in a blue moon. Billy gave this little smile to himself without her noticing and followed Evie into the house.

   They hadn’t trusted each other before. And now it was approaching the after. Whatever that meant. Evie glowed to beam at him there and few things were mattering today. New beginnings.

   Billy let himself hope that the after would last.

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Beauty Chooses II-Chapter 12

            A special thanks to @statell​ for all your help. Best beta ever.

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter 12 A Deal With The Devil

An exhausting two days it was, high in the mountains above River Run. I missed Faith terribly feeling almost hysterical in my need to see her. When Jamie called us to load up, I was filled with relief and a full dose of ants in my pants. As we ambled down the mountain, I sighed a lot and flopped around on the seat shared with Jamie. I could tell he was getting annoyed but could do little to curb my constant movement.

“Murtagh, I’d be grateful if ye gave Claire a turn on the horse before she throws herself over in a restless fit.”

I smiled when Murtagh pulled alongside the wagon and I almost leaped on the horse in my joy to stretch my legs. As the wagon moved again, I trotted circles around it, smiling at the men before pushing the horse to canter a bit. I heard Jamie yelling for me to come back and slowed to a walk before turning around.

I couldn’t have been more surprised when two men flanked me out of nowhere. One of them covered my mouth with his fat hand and pulled me onto his saddle. I was thrashing hard enough to almost get away when he pressed me painfully into his lap and ceased any more movement. I heard the wagon come around the bend quickly and suddenly stop. I glanced at Jamie who stared wide-eyed at the two men, his rifle raised, and his eyes darted around them looking for more I expect.

“Please! We mean no harm to ye, we’re just passing through on our way back to the valley. I’ll thank ye to take yer hands off of my wife.”

The man looked at the two guns trained on his head and shoved me off his lap, quite unceremoniously. That is when I noticed the men were naked to the waist, wore long hair in a braid, and painted their faces. I was terrified looking at what I assumed were savages as stories of their raiding and killing came back to my memory. Before Jamie could utter another word, the men turned their ponies and galloped away.

Jamie pulled me into his arms asking if I was alright. I was so sick of my tears but felt them, once again, leaving evidence of my fright. He kept me close to him in the wagon while Murtagh caught the horse. I was not such a wiggle-worm for the rest of the trip and felt deep relief seeing River Run in the distance. I just wanted my arms around Faith for the rest of the night and tried to turn off my warring emotions as we passed more than a dozen slave shacks.

Jamie spent several hours downstairs with his aunt and I was grateful for the tray of soup and bread I could share with Misses Crook, Glavia, and Faith. The four of us relaxed around the food and spoke of the crazy road we had traveled to end up here again in this century. I was proud of Misses Crook and Glavia for their honest recounting of facts and how easily they had assimilated this truth. I warned them against sharing this information with anyone else and they both nodded their heads vigorously.

Little Faith grew sleepy from all the attention and lifted her arms to me. I put her to bed and we all disbanded for the evening to our separate rooms. I laid in the dark and tried to imagine our lives as we built our home and community so high above the plantation. How long would it take to have a door that locked, or feel safe against the woods, the cold, and the hunger? I wasn’t afraid, just curious, and maybe anxious to be a part of a thriving highlander community where Jamie would once again preside over the happiness and welfare of the people who depended on him. I felt my smile as I drifted off.

It was several days later when Jamie came back from seeing people in town that I finally saw a glimmer of hope and happiness in his face. I felt my stomach tighten, knowing he had secured some kind of agreement for the land. I could hardly make it through dinner, with Jocasta’s numerous guests, before I lifted my skirts and ran up to our bedroom to prepare for bed. I paced our room, straining to hear Jamie’s boots on the stairs and when the door opened, I almost jumped out of my skin.

“My darling Sassenach,” he cooed, “what has ye jumpin so?”

He looked dashing, confident, gloriously handsome in his dinner finery, and I felt my knees go weak from the sight of him. I watched him drop his sword and dirk on the table and remove his coat as he approached me. I was helpless to do anything but stare at his face, his lips, his broad shoulders while I clung to the bedpost. I surrendered to my wanton desire of him, my inability to think beyond this room, and kissing him, licking his skin, watching his eyes devour me eclipsed all else in my mind.

It would be another twenty-four hours before I finally asked about the land and then I stopped talking to Jamie altogether, or even looking at him, while my ire steeped. The deal he made for the land, the price for his soul in this endeavor was unacceptable. He had agreed to an officer’s position in the British army. The same army that drove us out of Scotland, killed thousands of Highlanders and banned our way of life, now had Jamie’s pledge of fealty. I believed he would unwind the deal when faced with my incredible unhappiness and waited for him to do just that.

Jamie made many attempts to talk to me only to see my back before I slipped into bed to sob into my pillow. After three days of silence between us I couldn’t take the brutal fear and unhappiness anymore. I was spent from tears, from fear, and from the disconnection to my husband. I felt like a walking ghost just passing time until we left for the great adventure I had come to dread. When Jamie reached for me the fourth night, he wrapped himself around me and spoke into my ear when I wouldn’t turn toward him.

“Sassenach, please talk to me lass. This is the only way to secure the land we want and need. I swore my service to the British knowin the war is still twenty years in the future. We both know this land faces challenges from Indians and the corrupt local justice, and I can deal with that. Why do ye doubt me to such an extent? I must know before my heart breaks completely.”

The betrayal I felt from Jamie’s agreement would not allow me to feel forgiveness, understanding, or even love. My insides felt as cold as ice and I blocked out his words and steeled myself against his pleading. I said not a word and waited to hear him breathing deep in sleep. I cried again until I was completely spent and fell asleep as the gray light of dawn was seeping into our room. When I woke up, Jamie and Murtagh were gone.

Jocasta bent over backward to make me feel comfortable and filled the house with interesting people and lavish dinner parties. I thanked her for each favor of dresses and introductions but inside I felt dead like I would never wake from this nightmare. Jamie had abandoned me rather than rescind his promise to the British. There was no coming back from that, especially in his absence. His priority was absolute, and Faith and I would have to find a place in his ambition or be forgotten I feared.

On three occasions, a traveler arrived at the plantation with a letter from Jamie. My heart rammed in my chest as I held it in my hands and the paper shook violently as I tried to read it. He poured his soul out with his words and begged me to forgive him for this deal. He explained the progress made on the house and the setbacks from skirmishes with the Indians and the local militia who were victimizing the settlers. My eyes glazed over reading about the events with other people feeling even more abandoned. The third letter was mostly about the challenges he faced, alone, without me. There were two brief lines about his love for me, and that was it. My tears flowed down my cheeks and I let the letter drop to the floor. It was obvious he had left us behind to pursue his dream of a Highland community on the mountain. I felt the tearing of my soul away from him and it physically hurt, like I had been cut with a knife.

Misses Crook gasped at the sight of me when she finally opened my door the next day. My eyelids were almost swollen shut from crying and I looked at her from bloodshot eyes. She rushed to my side and held me like a mother would, rocking and telling me all would be resolved.

“I’m taking Faith back to my century Misses Crook. I will take you and Glavia if you want to go.”

She was silent for a few minutes, “of course I will go with ye mistress, yer my charge and I will see ye safe. Glavia will come too I’m sure. It may be strange, that place in the future, but it was a happy home when we were there. Are ye sure the Laird isna comin back for ye?”

“I’m sure.”

Saying those two words turned my heart to stone and I was filled with the resolve to leave this wretched place. I stood up and started searching my drawers for the blue stones and started to panic until I heard the stones rumble in the drawer I pulled open. I grabbed the sack and we left to find Glavia and Faith.

I read Jamie’s letter over and over through the day, hoping to find something I missed, a promise to come for me, a lonely heart wanting to reconnect, but I found nothing. I sat with Jocasta and told her my heart was broken because Jamie didn’t want to find his way back to me. He was high in the mountain building his dream, so I was moving on. Jocasta was terribly worried, but I assured her we were going to a safe place. I couldn’t answer her questions so I broke away promising to continue the conversation at dinner, knowing we would be long gone by then.

In the late afternoon, while Jocasta was napping, Misses Crook, Glavia, Faith, and I gathered behind a barn and linked our arms together holding Faith tightly between us. I looked up at the mountain and tried to feel Jamie before I closed my eyes and concentrated on Lallybroch in 2019.

I felt the earth under my feet and opened my eyes to Lallybroch, pushing the women toward the house as we were very conspicuous in our long dresses and corsets. I felt the key above the window and opened the house to our sanctuary. I ran upstairs finding all my clothes still in the chest of drawers and knew Joe had not moved anything after our departure. I quickly changed into other clothes and pulled a sweater on against the chill. I felt cold on the inside as well as the outside and wondered if any amount of layers would help.

A neighbor’s boy walked out of the barn and I knew he had come to feed the horses. I ran outside and told him I would take over feeding from now on. He shrugged his shoulders and said okay before heading home. Donus lifted his head and whinnied when I entered the barn. He seemed to be looking behind me, looking for Jamie no doubt.

“We must both forget him Donus. We don’t belong to him anymore.”

Making the lonely walk from the barn I noticed Misses Crook inspecting the garden and pulling the weeds that had taken hold. Glavia and Faith were outside singing her favorite nursery rhymes. The three of them looked happy and relaxed with no sign we had just jumped almost three centuries to the other side of the world. I guess only I felt wasted, tired, empty, and heartbroken. I kept walking straight upstairs to lay down on our bed. My bed, shoving my face into the pillow so no one would hear me fall apart.

When I felt Misses Crook touch my arm I knew I had slept many hours and blinked at her while something sad and painful crept up my spine. Inch by inch I felt it moving toward my brain and my ramming heart wondered what tragedy had occurred. It felt rather like a sledgehammer brought down on my head when I remembered we were back in 2019 because Jamie left me.

Dear Misses Crook rocked me like a baby until my gasping sobs were finally under control. She pressed a whisky in my hand and then passed me a plate of food and told me when to take a bite, when to chew, when to swallow. Another whisky and I felt my muscles unlock allowing me to lie down. The covers were pulled up to my chin and Misses Crook sat in the rocking chair and read to me. It was a book from the Nancy Drew mystery series where Nancy and her trusted friends solved crimes. The characters were too young to know romantic love, too young to know heartbreak and betrayal, so it was safe as one word led to another for what seemed like hours. That act of kindness saved my life that night and the next and the next. Misses Crook’s compassion seemed to have no end.

When his hand touched my cheek the smell of him took me to a safe place in my dream where people were happy and encouraging and I was a queen. His touch was pulling me out of my slumber and I resisted, not wanting to face the pain of a new day.

“Pet, open your famous eyes please.”

My eyelids opened but I couldn’t bear to look up at him, so I stared at his leg and felt the hot tears slide down my cheeks. I wondered why I hadn’t died yet. It was the only solution to the crushing pain, and I had done little to sustain my existence so why was I still waking up each day. When his arms slid under me, I knew my arms and legs would fall off if he lifted me out of bed and I felt a glimmer of excitement the torment was almost over.

Joe pulled me into his lap amid my protests to let me be, but he wasn’t listening I guess. I heard him gasp when his hands touched my rib cage and he pushed my greasy hair away from my face.

“You have company, that would be me, so get up and take a shower, or maybe you would rather have a bath. What is your preference?”

I laid my head on his shoulder and tried to go back to sleep. Back to the black I had come to love. When I landed on my feet in the bathroom I wondered when Joe had become so annoyingly bossy and finally looked at his face. No tears, that was a shock, maybe my tear ducts had emptied a lifetime of tears and I was finally free of them. Joe felt the water and announced it was perfect for a nice shower, then he left me there. This seemed odd. Leave me alone in a room and close the door. It was time to go back to bed but when I opened the bathroom door, Joe was pushing me back while he pulled off my clothes.

The shower water was the height of discomfort and try as I might I could not get out. Joe pushed me right back under the water and finally stripped to his boxers and got in the shower with me. He shampooed my hair and then handed me a sponge gushing with lather from my shower gel. I rubbed it down my arm and looked at him for approval. The strong scent of aromatherapy was waking me up and clearing my head, so I was able to finish my shower without help. When I emerged, there were clean clothes on the vanity. I put them on with a deep sigh.

Joe stayed with us for a week, until Baritone could get back from his Paris show. It seemed like they were passing the baton of who would be in charge of me. I hugged them both hello and goodbye but felt nothing inside, just one more thing to do. Baritone was so happy to be reunited with the women, but Faith had his heart. He spent hours on the floor with her asking questions about what game they were playing to which she answered mostly gibberish while he smiled down at her.

The sun came up each day, I went through my chores, and the sun went down. Day after day, week after week, and I felt like a cold wasteland inside. I didn’t cry anymore, nor did I laugh, but it was okay because I didn’t feel pain.

Three months have passed, and snow now covers the ground. Only the horses are happy about the cold temperatures. We stay indoors and watch movies. Joe and Baritone are both here causing loud laughter during dinners and sparking stimulating discussions that I endure, like everything else. I need to get away from all of these people, so I head for the stairs saying goodnight. Seeing the door to my bedroom fills me with relief but during the first sigh, someone is knocking.

“I request the company of my best friend please.”

“For what?”

“A walk.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Joe, it’s freezing out there, goodnight.”

“Think of it as an incentive to get through our discussion without a lot of arguing. I have a small matter that I need your help with, Pet.”

We bundled up and headed out for whatever Joe needed. I only hoped it would be quick.

“I want to talk about your mental health, Claire.”

I was quite practiced at pretending I was in the conversation and most times it was enough. Not tonight. Joe forced me to look at him as he talked about Jamie and asked how I was feeling.

“Stay with me Pet. No, you cannot go inside and hide away from my questions. Do you realize you left him no way to find you, no way to message you or write to you? Jamie went to the mountain to start work on a home because you judged him and shut him out of your heart. I realize the hurt was devastating to you, so you didn’t speak to him for three or four days. But a deal was struck for the land and he was expected to be there doing his duty. I don’t see he had much of a choice. He had to go.”

“So he went. End of story.”

“Extraordinary love doesn’t happen every day, and it doesn’t go away, Pet. Maybe the only thing he could do is start building a house and hope with time you would forgive him, but you closed that door. Do you ever wonder if he is suffering, as you are?”

“No. He is quite busy chasing after savages and protecting settlers from the watch. He probably hasn’t had time to build his house yet. Who cares?”

“You do Pet, and he does, I would bet my life on it.”

“Are we done here, Joe?”

I was feeling weird inside like a piano was about to fall on my head, and it scared me. Wherever this conversation was going, I felt vulnerable and laid bare. I wanted it to stop.

“You owe him one conversation, Pet. You owe the man time to speak his peace and you speak yours. If you decide to quit each other after that you will have no regrets or guilt. I have never known you to be cruel until now and I don’t think you want to be that person.”

“I didn’t know you had such a thing for him.” I was grasping for something to say and could feel my nose in the air like some ridiculous power posture. I was starting to feel something and I didn’t want to. I couldn’t let this happen.

“Say his name, Claire”

“I am going back to the house, this conversation is over.”

“Say his name.”

“Jamie. Happy now”

One shaky stride after the other, I made my way to the house and then to my room. I didn’t want to see anyone, not even Faith. My back slid down the wall and I crumpled on the floor. I went minute by minute, hoping to gain some control over my emotions again. I wanted more than anything to feel nothing and was willing to give up every emotional high for the rest of my life, so I didn’t have to face the pain that was coming.

Maybe this is what warriors do before battle. I willed my thoughts away, closed my mind to everything I loved, and steeled myself against the coming war in my mind. When Jamie’s image filled my mind, I gasped as if I was mortally wounded. I didn’t want this, but there he was. His head was lowered, and his eyes were full of pain on the last day I saw him. He beckoned me to speak to him, pleaded with me to understand his decision. I could see his face and I felt his pain, but I turned my back on him. The man I swore to love until the end of time was shunned by me, his wife. Every minute of our encounters the last four days went through my head. Minute by minute, I saw him plead, with an open heart that I closed myself to. What kind of person does such a thing? That’s when the pain started, really started in my gut, where I couldn’t reach it to pull it away from me. I tried to imagine the same treatment from him and couldn’t because Jamie would never do such a thing to me.

The pain grew as the minute’s past. It felt like a knife slicing through me from the inside and I couldn’t take it anymore. I moaned and cried, holding myself while I rocked against the wall. When I let myself sob it felt like the end of time had come and I sobbed harder, calling out to Jamie in my mind, screaming at the stones for their passage to this disaster.

Hours passed as my sobbing continued. My gaze fell to the floor under our bed, to Jamie’s secret place. I crawled to it, pushing the bed away until the board was exposed. I had to touch something of my previous life, something of Jamie’s. Through bleary eyes I found the seam and popped the board loose, falling on my knees I tore through the ancient papers. The years had faded the ink so much I couldn’t read them, and I felt a helpless spiral toward everlasting sorrow. The papers fell to the floor and I heard a glass vial hit the wood. When I picked it up, my name was clearly written on the paper inside.

My Dearest Sassenach, Nothing could have prepared me for this heartache. I hoped to bring you back to the land when there was a door that could lock you safely inside. I prayed daily for God to bless yer heart with forgiveness. I did not know what else to do. When I learned you were gone, I lost my mind and jumped on a ship headed for Scotland. Poor weather made the journey twice as long and nearly cost my life from sickness, loneliness, and fear I would never find ye. I have been here for many days, avoiding capture from redcoats while I search the gorge for a blue stone. I won’t stop lookin for ye sweetheart. Not ever. JMF

Jamie’s note shook in my hands as I read it. I could not tear my eyes from the paper as I read it over and over again. My poor sweet Jamie, I thought, what have I done? I tried to think of him, searching the gorge in a country loaded with the enemy and felt my protectiveness over him seep into my consciousness. When I stood up, I felt the muscles of my youth flex and hold me steady while my mind cleared for the first time since leaving him. I’m coming, Jamie. Forgive me please. I’m coming for you.

Yanking my drawers open I layered the warmest clothes I had before searching my closet for the blue rocks. I looked for Jamie’s heavy coat and pulled it on before holding the rock and thinking of the gorge I had searched so many times. When I heard the rushing in my ears and felt the pressure of shooting through the centuries, I finally calmed down a little. I am coming, Jamie.

I felt the wind blow against my face and the earth under my feet. It was so dark I could not see my hand in front of my face and proceeded slowly, feeling my way toward the gorge I hoped. When my eyes became accustomed to the darkness, I could see the outline of trees and the jutting landmass that formed the gorge. I exhaled in relief that I had come to the right place but in this darkness, how would I find Jamie? I pressed on, stumbling over rocks until I lost my footing and landed hard on the ground. When I got to my feet, large hands pushed me hard into the side of the gorge knocking the wind out of me and I fell forward, caught by arms that seemed so familiar.

“Christ, Sassenach! Dear God, what have I done?”

I tried to pull air into my lungs, making horrible noises in the process. Jamie picked me up and moved us into the trees. He laid on the ground and spoke soothingly to me, telling me to calm myself and breathe. I felt his hand run down my arms and legs, searching for something.

“Are ye wounded, lass?”

“No.”

I could barely see the outline of his head and body, but my hands found his face and held him. He dropped to my side shushing my tears and holding me close. I wanted nothing more than to lay there in his embrace, knowing he was alive and holding onto me. Jamie shook from the cold, so I scrambled out of his coat and wrapped it around him. He tried to protest until I showed him my own coat worn underneath. I buttoned it around him and held him tightly.

I don’t know how long we laid there, asleep or awake, I just gripped his powerful arms and breathed him into me. When I felt a hand over my mouth, I knew danger was close by and my eyes flew open to the dawn. He looked at me and held a finger to his lips and then released my mouth. I heard men talking and rocks being kicked as they searched for something. We were much too close to the redcoats and I suddenly feared we would both be caught. I felt along the ground until my hand settled on my rock in the pillowcase. I held Jamie tightly and pulled the rock out, concentrating on Lallybroch in 2019.

I felt Jamie’s grip on me tighten as we sailed through time. I lifted my face to him, kissing him deeply, and felt time stand still. The wind in my ears stopped, the pressure lifted, and we were suspended in a space without earth, without a century, as we kissed. I clung to him and kissed him with all the love I felt for him and he did the same. When I broke the kiss, I closed my eyes as the wind came back to my ears.

We laid in a field close to Lallybroch for some time. I could not articulate my thoughts, so I just held him close as he did me. At one point, Jamie pressed his forehead to mine until my tears came, warm and wet on my cheeks.

“I’m sorry Jamie.”

“Sh. I know your pain, lass, as ye know mine. I have but one wish, to stay with ye, wherever ye choose. I will not be parted from ye again.”

It was dawn in this century and we stumbled to the house, still wrapped around each other, and made our way to the shower. I shaved Jamie’s long beard and threw his tattered clothes into the wash before making my way quietly back to our room. When I saw him laying on our bed I started to cry.

“Come here, love.”

His arms were reaching for me and I fell into them as he wrapped himself around me. He rocked me until my tears stopped. I wanted to feel his skin next to mine so I pulled my robe off and hugged him as I tried to assemble words into sentences that would convey my every emotion. The only sentence that formed is how sorry I was.

“I am sorry too, mo chridhe, more than I could ever say adequately. I am so damn glad for yer leap of faith to come and find me. I would have lost my will to live without ye lass, that is the truth of it.”

“I know exactly what you mean. But you’re here now, with me, and we can go home and forget the last three months alone. When we get there, I want to destroy these rocks. I have no interest in being anywhere without you.”

“Thank ye lass.”

His kiss restarted my heart, my hopes and dreams, and my belief in the greatest man. He broke the kiss and confessed he had eaten very little in many days. That is when I noticed his hands shake.

“Dear God! You need a breakfast fit for a king.” Come down whenever you’re ready, I love you.”

I bounced into the kitchen and shocked Misses Crook who was preparing oatmeal for the household. She stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was well. I had not said a word to her, but she could clearly see the change in my face. I held her hands and whispered the Laird was here and hungry. Her eyes went wide, and her smile would have lit up a dark night. I don’t often see Misses Crook move that fast, but she was on a mission. Her Laird was hungry.

The house filled with the aroma of bacon, sausage, eggs, and pancakes. Freshly brewed coffee and of course, oatmeal. It didn’t take long for the men to answer the call of morning hunger. Joe hugged me for a full minute and whispered “well done” in my ear. How could he possibly know I found Jamie last night? It seemed they were all mind readers suddenly and I giggled at that. I poured coffee for everyone and looked at the parlor wondering where Jamie was. When Glavia walked in smiling brightly she announced the Laird was with his daughter getting her dressed for the day.

I peeked into the nursery and felt my heart jump to my throat. Jamie sat in the rocking chair with Faith’s arms around his neck pressing into him. Neither of them moved, they just hugged each other. I waited for as long as they needed and tried not to make a sound. Faith turned her head to Jamie and kissed his cheek repeatedly, while Jamie smiled.

“She has grown so much, and where did all this hair come from?”

I had a choice between feeling remorse and guilt or happiness at seeing this reunion. I chose the latter. Jamie and I both had a hand in our separation, and we would forgive each other and get on with our lives. I smiled at him and suggested he could come for the feast we made when he was ready.

It wasn’t long before Joe and Baritone were on their feet shaking hands and slapping Jamie on the shoulder. Glavia smiled from ear to ear and Misses Crook shoveled food onto a plate and set it on the table for him. A tiny plate was set on the highchair tray waiting for one small, happy baby. Once Jamie swallowed two plates of food the mood became festive and lighthearted. I grabbed the cell phone from the counter and started snapping pictures of everyone. When I put it down, Baritone grabbed it and took many more.

“How is Donus?”

“He will be overjoyed to see you. I’ll get our coats.”

When we were all bundled up, we headed out to the barn. It was snowing big flakes that swirled around our faces. Inside the barn, it was warm from the propane heater. Jamie held Faith with one arm and hugged Donus with the other. He spoke Gaelic to the beast and I was delighted to hear it again.

“We ride, later my friend.”

He held his arm out to me and we walked back to the warm house. Misses Crook scolded Jamie with the utmost respect, telling him many days of food and rest was needed because he was much too thin. He looked down at me with his azure sparkling eyes.

“Perhaps we lay down for a bit when Faith takes her nap?”

“Perhaps we will.”

[lightsburnbrite]

Things We Do for Love: Part 14

Third Part to Such a Thrill and The Devil is in the Details

Leon rolled over and was met with a lick. He scrunched his face and sat up before giving Ember a quick belly rub. Seeing that the bedroom door was ajar, Leon figured Karina was out on the balcony. He stood and stretched before walking towards the door, pausing once he heard voices. After listen for a bit more, he realized it was Karina and her mother having a conversation.

"Why did you leave Canada? Everything was fine here until you decided you needed to come back."

"I didn't like it there. Work was fine but I was…lonely. I came back to take care of a few things and I met up with Leon and I just, I missed him so much. My residence at the museum was up and I was ready to come home."

He heard her mother scoff. "You do realize that the whole point of cutting you off was to get you away from Leon, don't you?"

There was along pause before Karina answered. "Why did you want to get me away from Leon?"

"Because he is Marius's friend first and foremost." 

Another pause. "You're saying I don't deserve to be with a man who I love and who makes me happy because Marius doesn't like it?"

"Your brother doesn't deserve to lose his friend because you have a silly little crush. Obviously you are enamored but I doubt he feels the same towards you."

"It's not a crush, we're married."

"Divorced."

"We never filed. We were going to but when we met up to sign the papers it was clear that wasn't what either of us wanted."

"He wanted children."

"Mama, please."

"What?" She scoffed again. "Do you think it's normal that you don't want to have children? How long do you think it's going to take Leon to realize that there's something wrong with you? He's obviously going to leave you anyway, why not keep your inheritance in the long run?"

"There's nothing wrong with me." Karina's voice quivered as if she was trying to convince herself as much as her mother.

"Do you honestly think Leon is going to stick around if you're not willing to give him children? Look at him and then look at you, even before he enhanced his physique he was out of your league. There is absolutely nothing special about you that another woman could not give him and if you keep being as needy as you've come across this weekend then you're going to actively drive him away."

At that point, Leon had heard enough. He walked in to the sitting room and sat down next to Karina on the chaise before turning his attention to her mother. "Leave. Just go. Please."

Rolling her eyes, Karina's mother stood but stopped as she looked at Karina. "Go wash your face. You've made a mess of yourself." 

With that, she walked out.

Leon waited a moment before he turned towards Karina. "Maus?"

"Mausi?" Karina had started walking back towards there bedroom but had yet to respond. Finally, he raised his voice. "Karina!"

"What?" She finally stopped and turned to face him, wiping at the mascara smudged under her eyes and on her cheeks.

Leon inhaled, reminding himself to not take her current mood personally. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I'll give you space if that's what you want, but I think you should call Dr. Kattan."

"I'm fine." She shook her head slightly as she turned to walk back. "It's nothing."

He followed her to the bedroom. "I wouldn't call that nothing. Has your mother always spoken to you like that?"

"Like what?" Karina stood in front of the sink and turned the tap on so she could splash some water on her face. "She's just making sure that I keep things in perspective."

Leon felt his voice catch in his throat. It was upsetting to him to hear the way Karina's mother spoke to her but once he realized that she perceived that to be normal it just about broke his heart. "She was berating you."

Karina turned off the tap and dried her face with a towel. "She's not wrong."

"Yes, she is." He moved directly next to Karina now. "I know that you have worked really hard to learn to love yourself and be proud of your achievements. It really bothers me to see your mother undo that in the span of ten minutes."

Karina didn't respond but she allowed Leon to embrace her.

"I will always support you in whatever you need," Leon rested his hand on the back of Karina's neck as he held her against his chest. "And I don't want you to think I'm telling you what to do but…I can't think of why you'd continue to subject yourself to your family."

She stayed silent for a while but laid her head against his shoulder and thumbed the hem of his shirt while leaned into him. "What else am I supposed to do? I thought they cut me off but then I get in trouble for not pushing to get in contact…I don't know what they want from me."

"I get the feeling that they're going to keep moving the goalposts." Leon briefly rested his head against hers. "Maybe you should just take a break from them."

Karina frowned, bewildered as she stepped back to look at him. "How am I supposed to take a break from them when they're in my house?"

Leon shrugged as he let the corner of his mouth lift in a half smile. "I might have made us dinner reservations at Ikarus."

"When did you do that?" She mirrored his smile as if she was only cautiously allowing herself to be happy about it.

"Last night." His smile grew when Karina seemed to visibly relax. "I thought you'd enjoy a little time away."

Karina couldn't stop herself from beaming now as she nearly flung herself at Leon, squeezing him as tightly as she could. "How is it that you always seem to know exactly what I need?"

"We can celebrate you finally being out of the walking boot." Leon smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. "Now, do you want me to bring you up some breakfast?"

With a sigh, Karina shook her head without removing her arms from around Leon's neck. "No, I'm going to face them. Just don't leave me alone with them, please."

While Karina was able to tolerate her parents and Marius, Leon found that he didn't even want to be in the same room as them. Samantha was running around the house, frantically trying to make sure everything was just right for when her parents arrived, much to Karina's amusement.  Leon took the opportunity to sit outside with Elsa and Ember and work some more on his foundation, Karina eventually joined him with a winter salad for lunch. 

"There you are!" Samantha practically stormed out on to the patio. "I've been trying to figure out seating arrangements for tonight. Where do the two of you want to sit?"

Leon glanced up and smiled. "I'm taking Karina to Salzburg for dinner this evening."

Samantha's strained smile fell. "What am I supposed to tell me parents? My father is a huge football fan, he's expecting to meet you tonight."

"You can tell them that your future in-laws are horrible people and I'm giving my wife a break from them." His face remained stoic while Karina was trying not to laugh.   

Karina waited until Samantha had returned inside before moving closer to Leon and resting against him. "What time do we need to leave tonight?"

Leon leaned back against Karina as he glanced at his watch. "Like…an hour and a half."

"Shit." Karina sat bolt upright. "I need to start getting ready."

Tugging on her hand, Leon playfully tried to prevent Karina from standing. "You look great, Maus. No need to change anything."

"Sir," Karina moved back and straddled his lap, "I'm not walking in to a Michelin star restaurant wearing leggings and your old hoodie."

He pretended to frown. "I guess you have a point. Want me to give the girls their dinner?"

"Thank you, Baby." Karina kissed him again before walking back in the house.

After a few minutes, Leon walked in as well and started to set up the dog's food. Once they were finished, he herded the dogs upstairs so he could start getting ready. When he walked into their bedroom, Leon found Karina standing in front of the bathroom mirror applying her makeup. She had obviously showered because her hair was still damp but she was only wearing her bra and underwear.

Leon smirked at her through the mirror as he stepped into the shower.

"I'm kinda surprised at how much I'm looking forward to this." Karina raised her voice just enough so that she could be heard over the water.

"It's been a little while since we've gone out somewhere fancy." Leon let the water run over his face for a second. "I get it, with your ankle and all, but I'm looking forward to it too."

By the time Leon was finished in the shower, Karina was working on her hair. He always loved watching her get ready as she had a very strategic process to doing things, right now she was parting her hair into sections and applying some sort of cream.

"You using the hair dryer?" Leon gently nudged her with his hip.

Karina pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. "I will be but go ahead, you'll be done with it before I would be."

Once he was finished with his hair, Leon went to his wardrobe and picked out a dark grey window pane pattern suit and a white shirt with the deep burgundy tie the that the team wore for their Champion's League travel. 

Karina sat on the bed and smiled at him. "I love that suit."

"Yeah?" Leon offered a little smirk. "What are you wearing tonight?"

She thought for a moment before smiling again. "I want it to be a surprise."

"I think we can do that." He leaned forward and gave her a kiss. "How about I go pull the car around while you finish getting dressed and I'll meet you downstairs?"

"Perfect." Karina stood now. "Consider this your preview for when we get home."

Leon stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of water while he waited for Karina. 

"You're looking very smart this evening." Karina's father had walked in from their room. "I'm starting to feel a bit under dressed."

Leon pretended to smile. "I wouldn't worry about it. Karina and I have reservations at Ikarus so we won't be here for dinner."

The smile on his face fell. "Is there a reason my daughter is now refusing to participate in an event that is important to her brother?"

"It was my idea." Leon shrugged. "I'm tired of the way you all treat her so I'm taking her out for a nice evening instead."

He scoffed. "The way we treat her?"

"Yes." He grabbed his suit jacket from the back of the chair. "It's beyond obvious that Marius is your favorite and you have no idea how much you have hurt her yet you still expect her to grovel at your feet."

Just then, their mother walked in, obviously having heard Leon. "If I recall correctly, she's been fine until she started seeing you. Now you've managed to fill her head with all these ideas that it's ok to walk away from her family, to ignore her brother-"

"Seriously?" Marius had been standing in front of the wine cabinet, trying to figure out what bottle to bring out, the he'd had enough of the conversation. "Can we just stop talking about Karina? She's always been a bitch and I'm glad she won't be here for dinner."

Leon glanced over at Samantha, who was sitting in the great room waiting for her parents to arrive with a sour expression on her face. He felt like he shouldn't have been surprised that the whole family had found a way to blame Karina for the two of them skipping dinner but it still irritated him. After shaking his head, Leon took his suit jacket from the back of the bar stool and went to get out one of Karina's dress coats.

"Oh my god, are you wearing McQueen?" 

Leon heard Samantha's voice and assumed that she was speaking to Karina. He took a few steps towards the stairs to see Karina in a black mini dress with a layer of lace peaking out from the hem and the same lace covering the cut out of the back. Karina smiled a bit sheepishly as she nodded her head. Leon simply beamed back at her. "You look absolutely stunning."

"I might need your help tonight," Karina reached out for Leon's hand as she made her way down the last two steps. "It's been a while since I've worn heels this high."

He glanced down at her stilettos covered with multicolored glitter and smiled. "Anything for you, Maus."

Leon held Karina' coat out for her before opening the door. "Enjoy!" He called out behind him as he closed the door.

Karina sank down in the seat and exhaled as if she had just realized she was holding her breath. "I'm a little nervous about leaving everyone there but god, I needed to get away from them. Is it just me or is it worse than normal?"

"Definitely worse." Leon agreed with her. "They've always been critical of you but now it seems like they're not even bothering to hide that you'll never measure up to Marius in terms of their expectations."

He heard Karina sigh again and he immediately continued. "Which is bullshit, by the way. You're intelligent and becoming highly respected in your field. Not to mention your compassion and generosity. Did you know that Marius never once offered to donate towards our charity? I didn't ask him to but like, you were well on your way to becoming my ex wife and you still went out of your way-"

Leon stopped when he felt Karina kiss the back of his hand. Glancing over at her, he saw Karina give him one of her little half smiles. "Baby, between that suit and the dinner reservations, you're getting whatever kind of sex you want tonight so you don't need to lay it on so thick."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I thought you would have figured it out by now, but I'm your biggest fan, Mausi."

"God, Leon." Karina pretended to be irritated. "You're going to make me cry and ruin my mascara."

He laughed as he gave her a little nudge with his elbow. "And I'd still remind you that you're beautiful."

Karina could only shake her head but she continued to hold on to his hand. After a few moments of silence, she gave it a little squeeze. "Thank you."

"For what?" Leon squeezed her hand back before he moved his hand back to the wheel.

Karina shrugged. "It's just…I know you love me and there aren't any conditions or strings attached to that."

[love-l-e-t-t-e-r-s]

“I’m not afraid of you anymore. I’m taking back what’s mine and God is on my side”

-vent ahead !

-TDLR : FUCK MY ABUSER HE CANT CONTROL ME ANYMORE . THANK YOU GOD ART AND FRIENDS.

_____________

This drawing is very important and meaningful to me. For so long I struggled with PTSD from an abusive relationship I was in from highschool. I used to be so scared of that person and what they would think of me now and how they used to verbally and emotionally abuse me. For the longest time I’d have nightmares about this person and wake up anxious and scared. I also had conflicting feelings about him. I would secretly wish for him to come back to me, even if he would just use me, but the thought of seeing him made me so anxious. Sometimes I’d see someone in public who looked like him, and I’d feel so sick yet secretly wish it was him. I had avoided even looking at photos from that time of my life because I knew he was in my life then and it made me feel disgusting and anxious yet I’d think about him a lot. I couldn’t let go for the longest, I felt like I needed him in my life and I needed him to control me. After some time I’ve come to terms that I don’t want to be used. I realized that he didn’t love me and that he just saw me as a plaything and easy because I was naive and willing to do a lot for him because I thought I loved him. I was 14 and he was 17 when we met. I was lonely and thought that his attention would help me feel less alone. He took advantage of me and my body. Once I was became older and gained weight he lost interest in me. I know he only kept me around because he was lonely. Im happy I left him, Even though he begged me to stay and said he needed me. He didn’t need me because he easily found someone new and that’s none of my buisness anymore. Im free, And as of recent I haven’t thought about him as much and the thought of him hurts me less. Art, friends and religion helped me a lot in this time. I still have some days where it hurts but I’m starting to get away from these feelings and move on. After 4 years I’m starting to feel like it wasn’t my fault and that I’m stronger now.

Now for me to explain what’s going on in the drawing because I can :3c

First characters +

These characters represent real people but when I explain the whole lore and story I’ve made for them ,it is an allegory of my experience with the abuse from my abusive ex and how I’m coping with it. The events in the story don’t line up with reality so some of the lore can be fictional but this is how I cope. The abuse was real for me.

The characters are Voile(the girl demon ) and Seth (the red demon)

Voile represents me ( she has a whole story tho tbh it’s a lot and maybe I’ll explain another day but not today) she is a nymph.

Seth represents my abuser and is literally a devil.

As I mentioned voile is a nymph who lives and works in purgatory(and occasionally Heaven) but the reason she looks so beastly is because the more time she spends with Seth (in hell) the more it makes her beastly because of his influence of her. That’s all I’ll talk about rn with the characters.

Surroundings and details

There are lilies around them , The lilies represent death, rebirth , purity and the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death.

Death : the death of an era of voile (me) suffering under Seth.

Rebirth :Voile is a new person and will move on even though she had to deal with the abuse and live with her own mistakes that caused her pain. She will do better and learn to forgive herself.

Purity: To me my purity was based on love. I didn’t get to experience pure love with my abuser. They just used me for lustful purpose and I mistook that as love because I didn’t know any better and thought that was how you get someone to love you.

the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death: the death of an era where voile is no longer haunted by Seth has brought Voile some peace and hope to regain some innocence and not fully blame herself for what happened to her.

The blood on the lilies represent how purity was tainted by wanting flesh and lust

The clean lilies in voile’s hair represent the innocence she is regaining and the purity she is learning

As for the single Lilly by Seth , it represents death for him ( quite literally In the photo) but for my abuser the death of his control over me.

The heart

.Voile ripping out his heart is because of the resentment she has towards him and she has to kill him to be free , for me it’s a metaphor of breaking free and taking control of myself

The heart itself represents control of how I view and value myself and my love.

The halo like glow

Represents how me getting in touch with my religion has helped me come to terms of my self worth .

Actions

Seth is trying to push voile off of him so he can control her.

Voile is crying because she has conflicting feelings on Seth. She thinks she loves him but hates him too for all that he has put her through.

If you actually read all that thank you for your time.

[audiblesmirking]

erratic heartbeats ~chapter 2: you got a friend in me~

⚠Minor Swearing⚠

Legend: "English unless stated otherwise" --- 'Thoughts' --- "Telepathically speaking" --- [Authors' Note]

==========

'Japan's quiet,'  Azumi commented, her gait slow in order to appreciate the peace and observe her new neighborhood. A bag containing PK uniforms hangs on her fingers. There would be light breezes from time to time, blowing through her hair and rustling the leaves of the trees around. Compared to London, there were less cars driving by, despite the day being a weekend. 'School starts tomorrow and yet I still haven't finished the last level of "Dynasty and Descent". Seriously, what was wrong with homeschooling?' Azumi's mind wanders, stopping herself once she reached a tall metal gate that stood out from the rest of the houses. The meticulously twists, turns, and engravements of the metal is able to have anyone gawk.

She stood in front of her new home, raising a brow at the lock that secures the gate shut 'They both left?' Azumi questioned herself before fishing out her keys in the bag she held, unlocking the padlock and a few gate latches that pegs the metals to the ground and to each other. She made sure to secure the latches back, before proceeding to unlock the front door 'They probably went to greet the neighbors'

The walk to Azumi's room is tiring. The grandiose house's entirety was what her flamboyant mother envisioned, Akina was the one who took charge in the renovation of their new property since the beginning stages of planning. The conglomerate CEO is often one who basks in her success, hence the lavish abode. Azumi passed a few flights of stairs before freezing, slapping a palm on her forehead, 'I could just fucking teleport' Azumi cursed at her forgetfulness, having been used to the life before her powers came. Within no time, she arrived in the comforts of her own room. Placing the uniforms in the wardrobe, she lay plump on the bed.

——————————

"What the fUCK, YOU DICKHEADS," Azumi was seething with rage as her brother and his friend ran as fast as they could away from the infuriated, soaking wet girl, stifling their laughter as they dashed. Her reaction was more than what they had expected, and turned out to be funnier than they thought. They sprinted around the campus of the boys' college, running through stairs and empty hallways, desperate to arrive at their laboratory to successfully separate themselves from Azumi until she could either burn out from exhaustion or cool down from her anger "COME BACK HERE. I WILL FUCKING OBLITERATE YOUR FACES, DASTARDLY HEIFERS"

Atsuhiro huffed a breath of annoyance, the sound not going undetected by his companion despite the wind whipping at their faces as they ran as fast as they could "I fucking told you so, Kusuke"

"Well, wouldn't you know it, she's mad. Who's idea was this again?" Kusuke panted, sounding quite proud of Azumi's reaction despite the consequences they were facing.

"This was all your idea, jackass"

Kusuke simply laughed as they ran out of the building and are now crossing the field to their laboratory "Have you seen your face when she looked at us? It was a mixture of repressed laughter and instant regret"

"I swear, I WILL trip you if you won't shut up" Atsuhiro threatened, now was not the time to be distracted when the she-devil was chasing them. His friends' laughter immediately was cut short when a shiver went up their spines at the voice that whispered behind them "You both run like hookers"

——————————

The memory was when Azumi first met her brother's friend. The girl blinked a few times, confused at why she thought of the memory, before her hand reached up to her ear and fidgets her ear cuff. Gradually, voices start to flood in her mind. She laid unmoving, concentrated on trying to locate thoughts involving her family or their recent moving. She succeeded. The Saiki's, what a coincidence, were hosting Azumi's parents. 'Kusuke's family. They would likely talk for another hour or two, seeing as Kusuke' s mother is just as chatty as mine'

Azumi sat up, her beautiful hair swaying at the sudden movement. Whilst fidgeting her ear cuff, the girl walked over to her monitor. The screen lit up after she plugged it in and pushed the button, the fantasy game "Dynasty and Descent" placed in to be played. 'I'd probably finish this before they come back' Azumi challenged herself.

•°●•°●•°●

‘Saiki Kusuo, huh?' Azumi laid on her belly as she eavesdrops on his thoughts regarding her parents. She finished the game and cleaned up the room twice before she thought of listening in on her neighbors. 'A curious one, aren't you? But I can't blame him, he must have been lonely growing up being the only psychic he knows' She empathized with the boy, swinging her legs absentmindedly.

After some time, Azumi sighed, before teleporting to their kitchen. She opened and closed cabinets and cupboards in search of something to appeal to her boredom-driven hunger. She grabbed her favorite snack and a drink, immediately digging in. Because her teleportation required some time before she can use it again, she walked back to her room. Azumi had most of her attention on her phone while her food levitated around her, following as she walks. Her mind flitted to the topic of cellphones in Japan, 'I haven't seen anyone with their phones since we arrived. Is it some kind of unspoken rule or something?' The girl contemplated over whether or not she should use her device in public so as to fit in.

Azumi walks through one of the hallways that overlook the front yard, the sun’s setting rays casting an orange tinge on everything not under a shadow. She took a moment away from her phone and glanced at the road in front of their residence, there she saw her parents and the rest of the Saiki family. Akina and Aiken pushed open the gates lavishly for the guests, earning a sigh from their daughter as she continued her walk 'They'll likely call on me as soon as they enter', Azumi groaned as nervousness bubbled in her at the thought of greeting their guests 'I don't want to though'

She arrived in her room, throwing away her litter in the trash can at the corner, before proceeding to clean her room for the third time. Aiken knocked on the door the moment she laid down her bed after sweeping the area under it, "Come on down, Zumi, meet Kusuke's family" She walked next to her father in silence until they arrived in the living room.

==========

Azumi secured the gate latch, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. She was surprised to see Kusuo standing in front of his house, seemingly waiting for her. Azumi tried to make sense of the situation, she walked to him and gave a small wave, before continuing passed him 'Maybe he's waiting for his dad' She thought, before shooting down the idea the moment Saiki moved to walk with her. The familiar feeling of nervousness rose from within her, her thoughts crowding her mind 'Should I say something? Or is the silence okay for him? It's certainly okay for me. Why is he walking with me though, I thought we agreed—' She cut her own thought when she remembered the events of last night 'Nevermind, he didn't say anything then. Is this about what my mother said? Did she bribe him without my knowledge? But, mom won't stoop that low. Maybe if I look into his mind—no, he'll suspect my fidgeting and he'll know I'm uncomfortable or he'll think something's wrong with my ear and ask about it, and I would not want to be in either situations'

"... So," Azumi started—at the protest of her brain—dragging out the 'o' "You don't need to walk me to school, you know, I can do it on my own. I appreciate the thought though" She gave a tight-lipped smile, hoping she did not sound too rude. Kusuo just looked at her and then back in front, Azumi felt awkward at the lack of response and returned her gaze to the road as well.

Just as he expected, at the reaction of his companion, he deduced that Azumi could not hear his voice when he was speaking telepathically. He mentally took note "It's fine" Kusuo spoke, not only mildly surprising the girl beside him because of how late he responded, but also confusing her.

' 'It's fine'? How do I respond to that?' She just nodded her head, mentally facepalming at her response. 'I guess I have to get used to this'

•°●•°●•°●

'This is some next level coincidence shit' Azumi thought, sitting next to her assigned seatmate, Saiki 'I was just fine with how we were classmates, but seatmates? You have got to be joking'

"Open your textbooks to page 3. An introduction for our lesson this week" The teacher started, writing on the chalkboard the lesson title "Kindly answer the practice questions, 'What You Know', numbers 1-5. I will give you ten minutes to answer"

'This seems easy enough,' Azumi searched for her writing tool in her bag. Confused, she knit her eyebrows 'I left it at home? Great, first day and I'm already failing this'

The boy in front of her took notice of her furrowed brows when he turned to get his pencil case. He stretched a bandaged arm at her, offering to lend his pencil "H-Here, " He said, "you can borrow mine" Azumi blinked at him, then at his outstretched arm, before smiling softly at him.

"Thank you, I'll make sure to give it back to you after class," Azumi wrapped her fingers on the writing tool, watching as her classmate withdrew his hand meekly "May I know your name?"

"Ka-Kaidou Shun" His stuttering reminded Azumi of herself before. Kaidou awkwardly lets out his hand again, seemingly to shake with hers. Azumi's soft smile turned tight at how she responded with stretching the wrong hand to shake. She shuffled to replace her hand, clasping it with his.

"Um, Kanasawa Azumi" She mentally kicked herself, he already knows her name because she just introduced herself to the class. "Nice to meet you, Kaidou-san" They shook hands shortly before the teacher reprimanded the two to start with the activity.

•°●•°●•°●

A slow and pitched tune, that reminded Azumi of the announcements in a mall, rang through the hallways, signaling the end of the first class and break for their class. Some students leapt out of their classrooms, their friends in tow, ready to be the firsts to arrive in the cafeteria, while the rest took their time in arranging their things. "Thanks again, for, you know, lending your pencil" Azumi had stood up in unison with Saiki, her wrist in view as she gave back the pencil she borrowed.

Kaidou added the pencil in his case, placing it in his bag. "Are you sure? I, uh, mean, we still have classes after break"

Azumi let the corners of her lips tilt up a bit at the thoughtfulness of the boy "Yeah, I'll go buy my own"

"I don't mind if you borrow my pencil for the rest of the day," Kaidou lightly frowned, not wanting his classmate to spend money when he was fine with lending. He went to dig through his bag for the pencil case, but Azumi stopped him with a hand on his.

"It's okay, really-" She was cut off with a booming voice next to her, in her peripherals, a tall blonde hooks an arm around Saiki's shoulders. "Hey pal, the nurse wanted to ask about the thermano-something that the guy used this morning" He wasn't yelling, but his voice was loud enough to resonate around the half-empty classroom. Azumi turned her head at the two beside her, attention fading from Kaidou as she withdrew her hand. During the intensively long speech of their principal, one of their classmates fainted and a teacher ordered Nendou and Saiki to assist the student to the nurse's office. When they've been gone too long, the same teacher instructed Azumi to check on the two, and just before Nendou witnessed Saiki burn a thermometer to ashes, she came in and distracted the brute, feigning confusion on the dust on Saiki's palm. It was a coincidence, and if she weren't there Nendou would most likely find out about Saiki's powers. Is what Azumi initially thought, but looking back, her first impression with the blonde was idiotic, so maybe it would have gone differently.

Azumi grabbed her wallet and turned back to Kaidou "I'll be going first" She went to walk out the door but felt a presence following her, before the voice of Nendou reached her again.

"Where're you going, pal?" Azumi turned and, as she thought, Saiki will be following her around school. She resisted a sigh when the aforementioned raised a hand, moved his finger and pointed at her twice. "You're gonna show her around? I wanna come with!" He strode towards the two, and Azumi swore she saw the facial expression of the boy beside her contort into that of displeasure.

"I-I-I w-wanna come too" She barely heard Kaidou as he stood up and trailed behind Nendou, fiddling with his finger as he do.

Azumi just wanted to buy a pencil, alone, and now she felt awkward as she walked next to Saiki, Kaidou and Nendou following right behind them. She slowly reached a hand to her ear, but laid her arm back on her side after a while. Perplexed at the silence from Nendou, she turned back to look at him. He was teasing Kaidou, bickering as they filled the hallway with noise. Azumi tried to look for answers in Saiki's mind, staring at the boy before turning her head back in front. 'Never thought that being too dumb would be a reason for a silent mind, but okay'

'WhatshouldIsaywhatshouldIsay [What should I say what should I say]. Hello-no, that's too formal. Would "hi" be fine? Let's go with "hi". Hi, I'm Teruha-wait, no, she would see me as too eager if I introduce myself that quickly. Hi, you must be the new transfer student-OH MY GOD SHE'S HERE' The frantic thoughts of a blue-haired girl filled Azumi's mind. She was standing beside a vending machine outside of the cafeteria as the four walked passed her. Being too engrossed in her mental rehearsal, she did not notice the group since they appeared from the corner of the hallway. Teruhashi sulked when Azumi entered the cafeteria, but immediately fixed her façade when she remembered there may be people watching her.

'It must be tough to be that popular' Susurrus reached Azumi's ears and the students in the room turned to look at the people who recently came in. She felt self-conscious and turned to walk to the first stall in the row, the stall that sells school materials. After she purchased her pencil, she tried to convince her companions to spend their recess with what they want to do instead of following her around. She failed, and so they ended up touring the whole campus, conversations being held up by Nendou as he told story after story about anything that relates to whatever Azumi said.

"Kanasawa-san, you're from London, right?" Kaidou asked, they were sitting under one of the trees after the latter announced a break from the walking. At his words, the other two turned to look at Azumi, and now she was on the spotlight. "What was it like? Do you miss your friends?"

"Ah, that... I was homeschooled, so... I didn't have any friends until recently," Azumi paused "I have a brother, he's in London right now, and he was my only playmate until he left for college... My tutors change every year, and they mostly just teach me then leave after our sessions... Add into that how unapproachable they are, and they're just like robots, stiff and straightforward"

"Homeschooled?" Confused, Nendou asked, and Kaidou silently answered him. Azumi waited until all was clarified, fidgeting with her thumbs.

"Although, now that I think about it. I... think I had a friend around my age...? But he was just visiting London at that time... a few years ago... so I don't think we're close anymore." Azumi caught the short time when Saiki knit his brows, before remaining stoic. She knew from reading his mind that he wanted to know more about her connection with Kusuke and his involvement with her family. Azumi was about to open her mouth, when a nagging voice in her mind scolded at her for having already talked too much.

When Azumi looked like she was to stay silent, Kaidou spoke up "Th-then... I'll be your friend" His voice gradually softened, but she heard him nevertheless.

Nendou hooked his arm around Saiki's shoulder, to the surprise of the psychic "We'll be your friends too, right pal?" Kusuo looked annoyed at the arm pushing him closer to Nendou, but he didn't deny what he said. Azumi gave them a soft smile, her eyebrows low.

'I guess it won't hurt to have friends'

[severalspoons]

“Wolfwood Mood” quotes

To be updated as I find more.

God may judge you, but His sins outnumber your own. --  @afabbaeddel

“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.” ― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.” ― Bill Watterson

“An encouraged person will eventually get his drive from encouragement; he becomes more dependent. A person that never really receives encouragement learns to move out of spite; he becomes more independent.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy

They're going to have to glue you back together, IN HELL! -- Demoman in Team Fortress 2

Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” ― Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”- Epictetus

“When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve.” ― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms 

I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me. --Fallout New Vegas NPC

“We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.” ― Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Man can get used to anything, the scoundrel. --Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

“And what's strange, what would be marvelous, is not that God should really exist; the marvel is that such an idea, the idea of the necessity of God, could enter the head of such a savage, vicious beast as man.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

“To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

“The soul is healed by being with children.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

“People speak sometimes about the "bestial" cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

“Killing myself was a matter of such indifference to me that I felt like waiting for a moment when it would make some difference.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Dream Of A Ridiculous Man

“Destroy my desires, eradicate my ideals, show me something better, and I will follow you.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky

“The whole work of man really seems to consist in nothing but proving to himself every minute that he is a man and not a piano key.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground

“One man doesn't believe in god at all, while the other believes in him so thoroughly that he prays as he murders men!” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Idiot

“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” ― George Carlin

“Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967

“You only live twice: Once when you are born And once when you look death in the face” ― Ian Fleming, You Only Live Twice 

“There is no ideal world for you to wait around for. The world is always just what it is now, and it's up to you how you respond to it.” ― Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies

My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“Freedom is what we do with what is done to us.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre

“Better to die on one's feet than to live on one's knees.” ― Jean Paul Sartre 

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre

“There is no reality except in action.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialism is a Humanism

“Life—the way it really is—is a battle not between good and bad, but between bad and worse.” ― Joseph Brodsky

“mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.” ― Joseph Heller

“Do you know what it means to be a survivor? It means that not only do you have to live through things, you have to live with them as well. The second part is much harder and sometimes it takes the rest of your life to learn how to do it. But at least you have the rest of your life…” ― Josephine Angelini, Firewalker

“Someone has to be stoic, for the sake of, in spite of, and in the face of all those who are, not. Someone, has to be serious. Someone has to choose to forgo choice, so that there is an option left for others to consider. Everyone can't be, someone.” ― Justin K. McFarlane Beau

“Loving someone always requires you to not love others.” ― Koushun Takami, Battle Royale

“Dignity is as essential to human life as water, food, and oxygen. The stubborn retention of it, even in the face of extreme physical hardship, can hold a man's soul in his body long past the point at which the body should have surrendered it.” ― Laura Hillenbrand, Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption

“We are not defined by the things we do in order to survive. We do not apologize for them,” she says quietly, eyes never leaving mine. “Maybe they have broken you, but you are a sharper weapon because of it. And it is time to strike.” ― Laura Sebastian, Ash Princess 

“People are petty, spiteful creatures. What they can't use, hurt, steal, or control, they'll usually destroy.” ― Lorna Reid, Darkwalkers

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.” ― Lucius Annaeus Seneca

“If someone puts their hands on you make sure they never put their hands on anybody else again.” ― Malcom X

“Think of it! We could have gone on longing for one another and pretending not to notice forever. This obsession with dignity can ruin your life if you let it.” ― Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

“Does anything in nature despair except man? An animal with a foot caught in a trap does not seem to despair. It is too busy trying to survive. It is all closed in, to a kind of still, intense waiting. Is this a key? Keep busy with survival.” ― May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude 

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." ― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise.

--Maya Angelou

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.

--Maya Angelou  

“Somehow, even in the worst of times, the tiniest fragments of good survive. It was the grip in which one held those fragments that counted.” ― Melina Marchetta, Finnikin of the Rock

“Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.” ― Mike Royko

“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.” ― Rabindranath Tagore, Collected Poems and Plays of Rabindranath Tagore

“Survival," I said softly. "It's selfish, and it's dark, and we've always been a species willing to do anything to satisfy our needs.  ― Rachel Caine, Total Eclipse

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson  

“To have endured horrors, to have seen the worst of humanity and have your life made unrecognizable by it, to come out of all that honorable and brave— that was magical.” ― Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

“We'd stared into the face of Death, and Death blinked first. You'd think that would make us feel brave and invincible. It didn't.” ― Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave  

“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.” – Seneca

I will fight you in Hell upon a mound of bones. -- @shitmygaywifesays

“As long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.” -- Sniper, Team Fortress 2

"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!” -- Soldier, Team Fortress 2

babies cry because they are alive and that is the saddest thing to be. — spencer madsen (@spencermadsen) December 15, 2011

Do you think God stays in heaven because He, too, lives in fear of what He’s created? --Spykids 2nd movie

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side.  Or you don't.” -- Stephen King, The Stand

“The only thing that matters in the end is your own survival. It's what humans and cockroaches are best at.” ― Susan Ee, World After

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn’t as cynical as real life. --Terry Pratchett, Guards, Guards!

“I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are good people and bad people. You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.” ― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards! 

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." -- Theodore Roosevelt 

I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees. --Unknown

if you stay alive for no other reason at all, please do it for spite. -- Unknown

Hell is empty, and all the devils are here. -- Unknown Tumblr post

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” ― William Goldman, The Princess Bride 

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.” ― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

...I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL— wint ( @dril ) May 22, 2012

#Yes I will put Shakespeare side by side with Dril #fight me

[arcadiaoaksusedbooks]

Event: Fountain of Youth

As his mother took a nap, Balor took her phone and tapped around the address book for a certain number. It should be about noon where she was in the world, he just hoped his aunt would pick up the phone when it rang. It ran about three times before going straight to camera mode.

“Hai, moshi moshi~!” Alora chirped with a high pitched voice. She had on sunglasses, a sunhat that didn’t flatter her at all, wearing a tank top and jean shorts while sitting in a grove of pink trees. All of this, along with the audio, took Balor a couple seconds to respond.

“Mushy mushy?” he greeted back with confusion, making his aunt laugh.

“That’s how you answer the phone in Japan. How are you doing, Balor? You’re just in time for my flower viewing picnic.”

“...what?” he asked flatly. Alora turned the phone to a small square shaped box with various foods Balor didn’t recognize in them. There were several more boxes nearby, unopened, as his aunt listed a bunch of foods and words he didn’t know. He was mostly tuning them out until Alora tilted her phone to bring her face back into view.

“...but you didn’t call to see what I brought on my picnic. What’s up with you and mom?”

Finally. Balor slumped in his seat as he tried to explain.

“My birthday is coming up--”

“Yep! I’ve got you a ton of stuff from here that I think you’re gonna like a lot.” Alora chuckled. “But you can’t have any of it until the end of the month, okay?”

“--but what I want most is a sibling.”

Alora paused before suddenly bursting out laughing. This just made Balor feel worse about his thoughts, and he slumped harder. Alora recovered after a few seconds.

“Booger, that’s up to your mom and pop, not you.”

“Everyone says that!” the young troll growled.

“Okay, well, why do you want a sibling so bad? You lonely? Need someone to share your toys with? Need someone to take the blame when you eat all the condiments from the freezer for the third time in a month?”

“No! I just want my mom to be happy!” Balor blurted out loudly. “She’s super sad and distant all the time, and all I really want more than anything else in the world is to just see her happy and smiling again! She’s always happy around babies! So I want her and dad to make more babies so she’s finally happy again!”

He felt like crying after that outburst and he wasn’t sure why. It also made Alora go quiet. She moved herself to lean against the tree, no longer smiling or teasing.

“Balor, you’re a kind and caring kid. You’ve really inherited your mother’s generous spirit.”

“BUT?!” Balor spat out, daring his own aunt to continue. She didn’t seem threatened at all.

“Wanting someone else to be happy for your own benefit is pretty selfish. I know you love your mom, and you want her to be happy or make her happy, but if you’re just doing it for your own peace of mind, well, that’s not a very kind thing to do.” This made Balor pause and start to wipe tears away. “Besides, it’s your birthday this month, not hers. You could save the ‘make mom happy’ wants for next month when it is her birthday, alright?”

“Yeah...” Balor groaned. “She’s just been sad a lot lately. I don’t like seeing her like that.”

“Something happen?”

“I don’t know. We don’t talk much anymore, or do anything together.”

“Have you asked her?”

“No...” Balor mumbled, hiding his face.

“That sounds like step number one to me. Ask her what’s up and what you can do. And think about what you’d like for your own birthday. Maybe ask in a passive way what she would like for her birthday, then focus on that when your celebrations are over. How does that sound?”

“I guess...” The whelp continued to mumble. Alora made a thinking face before smirking a bit.

“Is the adolescence kicking in finally?”

“...what’s that?”

“It’s the stage between childhood and adulthood. Most trolls sit through it for a good two hundred years. It makes you moody and indecisive, aggressive and not wanting to do anything people tell you.”

“Mmmmmph!” Balor grunted, making Alora chuckle.

“Sounds like you’ve got it tough. Double the reason to tell your mom about how you’re feeling. She can’t help you if she doesn’t know.”

“She treats me like a baby whenever I talk to her...”

“....have you told her that?”

“Whenever I do, she backs off and... stays backed off. Like she can’t help.”

“I think she’s just trying to give you space. You’re a growing boy, and as a Shardborn troll, you’re growing waaaaaay faster than a normal troll. You look and sound about a hundred and ten, and it’s your FIRST birthday coming up! You’re going through a lot in a very short amount of time, and it’s gonna be a couple hundred years until it all catches up. Or at least until you’re considered your average troll. None of that is your fault, and you’re Nadia’s first child. She has zero experience raising a kid, human or troll. You’re both working through your trials together, so you need to tell her how you’re feeling and what’s going on, and she needs to listen.”

Balor tried to listen, feeling more and more miserable as Alora explains, sounding pretty serious for once.

“....sometimes I wish I wasn’t Shardborn.” Balor grunts.

“Hey, I know it’s hard.” Alora sympathized. “But it’s not all bad, right? I heard you went to the zoo the other day and got to pet an elephant, ride a camel, feed some goats and chickens, watch a wolf howl..... you wouldn’t have been able to do that if you were still a diaper wearing baby, would you?”

“No.”

“Or explore your woods. Or get your own floor of a wizard’s tower. Or know magic that makes even your mom jealous. Would you rather not have any of that until two hundred years from now?”

Why did Balor hesitate? What made him wish he was just a normal troll? He did like doing all of those things, he liked who he was, but at the same time he hated feeling this way. And if being a quickly growing Shardborn troll was the price he had to pay to have all these wonderful things in life but feel so confused and horrible....

“No. I like doing those things now.” he said numbly.

“I know Elisi is visiting, and she’s raised at least fifty Shardborn trolls in her life. I bet she knows exactly how you feel and what’s going on. Why don’t you ask her, I’m sure she can help you out better than I could. And you know you can tell her anything, right?”

Elisi was one hundred thousand times more protective than Nadia was, and was terrible at keeping secrets. So was Alora, but at least the former Gumm Gumm didn’t judge like her sisters did. Balor wasn’t sure how to talk to Aunt E without feeling like a baby again.

.....wait.....

He felt an epiphany grow rapidly in his thoughts, and just barely kept his excitement at bay. He had the most AMAZING IDEA!

“Okay. I’ll do that.” he agreed to Alora, hoping to end the call soon. He had a lot of work to do. “But thanks for talking to me, Auntie A.”

“Anytime, booger.” Alora chuckled, which just made Balor frown again.

“...stop calling me booger?” 

“Anytime, shitbird.” Alora teased. “Anything else going on that you wanna chat about?”

“Nah. I need to go ask Auntie E about some stuff. Can I call you back later?”

“Sure. I’ll be out here for the rest of the day, having my cherry blossom picnic. By myself. I’ll send more videos with stuff I found I think you’ll like. Cheer up, my dude, okay?”

“Okay.” Balor nodded. “Have fun in Japan. Love you, Auntie.”

“Love you too, kiddo. Ja ne~!”

“Jaw-nay...” Balor wished awkwardly, and the call hung up. Quickly and carefully leaving his mom’s phone where he found it, he rushed off into the woods.

There was a lot to gather in a short amount of time!

-------------------------------------------

Moon up, Nadia and Elisi were just finishing dinner. Nadia was in a turkey mood and Elisi helped with some potato gratin and steamed veggies. Both were chatting about their day so far, things they wanted to catch up on, and plans for the rest of the week. Disneyland was in the cards, but it was going to get busy closer and closer to the weekend.

The conversation got a bit more hushed when it came time to talk about Balor’s birthday present.

“I’ve been hard at work on it for a week.” Nadia giggled in hushed tones. “Glasswork isn’t what it used to be. Now it’s just a matter of what to put in the tank.”

“How big is it?”

“Sixty gallons so far. And I’ve made an oval shaped one just in case. I think it’s a nice shape.”

“Fish prefer corners.” Elisi explained. “So the rectangle one will be better. Gods, it’s been ages since I last tried to raise fish. I’m sure someone at the pet store can give better advise than me.”

Nadia smiled brightly. Balor loved fish so much, so it was natural to assume his own fish tank with plenty of fish to care for would be perfect. He wouldn’t be so lonely, and maybe the pestering for baby siblings would stop for a month or so. By then, she’d be ready, maybe...

There was a thump in Balor’s room, which sounded like him falling out of bed. Again. Elisi chuckled.

“Speak of the handsome little devil.” she chuckled. “Want me to tell him dinner’s almost ready?”

“I’ll get him.” Nadia insisted, stepping away from the stove to Balor’s room. Elisi let her go to start putting turkey meat and veggies onto plates. Not even a minute goes by when the shriek rose in pitch up and down the tower. 

Elisi dropped the plate to run for it, immediately spilling food and porcelain all over the kitchen floor. She bounded up to the third floor of the tower to try and find her sister and nephew, ready to beat whatever startled or hurt them. The second she stopped in front of Nadia, she looked around frantically for the fight waiting for her. There was none.

Nadia was crumpled on the floor, with a look of horror, hyperventilating as her body commanded her to shed tears and cry. Balor was nowhere to be immediately seen. Elisi’s nerves started to freeze up. Something terrible happened and she couldn’t pinpoint what.

“Nadia?” Elisi asked in a frightened whisper. Nadia looked up to her older sister, and slowly raised herself to her knees, holding a cloth bundle in her hands. Something wriggled in it, peeping for attention. Elisi slowly came foreword, and moved the cloth away to see what Nadia was holding for dear life.

It was a baby Yateveo pup. No bigger than Nadia’s palm. Tanned in color, eyes still unopened, moving his head around and peeping for food. Some familiar horn jewelry was shuffled from the movement and clambered to the floor, with no owner to wear them. Or at least, the owner was now too young to wear them. 

Elisi was still not sure what was in front of her. Where was Balor? Who or what was Nadia holding? Before Elisi could instinctively call out for her nephew, a parchment of paper and a glass bottle caught her attention on Balor’s bed. She walked to it to investigate. The bottle was bone dry, and smelled sweet but strong. The paper had Balor’s handwriting on it.

Mom,

You’ve seemed really sad lately. But really happy when you have babies to take care of and watch over. I grew up from being a baby, so you stopped being so happy. So I changed myself back into one. I’m sorry if I scared you, but this way, you can raise me like a normal troll and I can grow as one. So we can be a normal family again, and you have a baby to take care of if dad won’t give you one.

I love you, mom. All I want is to see you happy every day again. Being a baby again is the only way I can do that. It’s all I want for my birthday.

See you again in a couple hundred years,

Balor, Son of Angor

“Balor, what the fu--” Elisi exclaimed as Nadia again shrieked in horror. Neither had any idea what to do now. Both were panicking. 

Tiny little Balor peeped louder and louder until he started to cry in despair. He was so hungry.

[ichigo-daifuku]

Masked Admirer

❅ How does one outwit the slyest of them all? ❅

Modern AU | Partly inspired by the Masquerade Crusade Battle Event we had last October. Two of Ieyasu's lines were based on his chibi's dialogue.

Word Count: ~2k | AO3 Link

“Trick or treat, Takechiyo?”

“Tricks? Go ahead and try, if you think you can.”

She was trying to add humor to their situation, but clearly, he was in a wonderful mood. For the stellar response he gave her, she almost wanted to give him a round of applause; almost, if not for the little things that had begun to bother her: like how the plush seat had begun to feel warm from them sitting on it for too long, or how her shoulders, bared from the style of her dress, already felt a bit chilly in contrast. An exhausted sigh escaped her lips as she reached for her red wine on the table, her manicured nails giving the glass soft clinks as she tapped against it, lost in thought.

Takechiyo sat beside her, his blond hair tinted a shade darker by the golden light of the chandeliers, a frown marring his face. Classical music played in the background so beautifully, but he looked like he was hearing the most unpleasant thing that existed in this world. The mask he wore exuded an air of mystery as the feather attached to it swayed with every movement of his face. His wine remained untouched as he did nothing at the party like he couldn’t wait for the night to be over. 

It all began about a month ago. She had a day-off from the restaurant and woke up at noon, relaxed. When she made her way towards the kitchen to make brunch, an envelope was pinned on the refrigerator door by her little strawberry magnet, waiting for her. She opened it and was greeted by the scent of roses, strong and sweet from the paper. It was an invitation to a black-tie event in a grand hotel in the city: a masquerade ball. There was only one person who knew the passcode to her apartment, so she grabbed her phone and called Takechiyo.

He picked up after a few rings. “What.”

“Hello…” she greeted. “There’s an invitation to a masquerade ball here. Is it from you?”

There was a pause, and the sound of footsteps coupled with the closing of a door was all she heard from the receiver. “I don’t want to attend that boring party alone. You’re coming with me.”

Of course, he had to be as unconventional and evasive as ever, even when he was asking her on a date. It made her want to challenge him sometimes, like at that moment. “What if I don’t want to?”

“You mean you don’t want to?”

“What? I mean, I do... but…”

“Huh. Then, we’re going.”

She shook her head with an amused laugh. He got her there, he really did. If there was one thing about him that she had learned over the time they had spent together, it was that he was as sly as those tanuki in folktales. So much for trying to one-up him. Better luck next time, she thought. She opened the cupboards in search of ingredients for pancakes. “Is it your lunch break? Make sure to eat well, alright?”

“Whatever. You’re getting worse than that hairless oaf,” he complained, but the next thing she heard was a ring of a bell as he opened a door and a greeting from a receptionist of a restaurant.

It made her happy that he was on the way to have lunch after all, and she replied with a laugh, “As long as you eat.”

“Hmph.”

“Okay, have a good meal.”

“I’m coming over later,” he said and hung up.

Breakfast had been wonderful. She couldn’t deny it; she was on cloud nine with excitement for the upcoming event with Takechiyo. One of the first things that came to her mind was that she didn’t have anything appropriate for the occasion. Yes, she had a couple of formal dresses and a mask somewhere in her closet, but none of them were good enough for such a special affair. And so that night, she busied herself with browsing various fashion catalogs in her laptop on the kitchen table, a cup of tea within her reach as she contemplated whether this or that would be better. Takechiyo, who arrived in the evening from work and insisted he was too tired to return to his own home, was staying overnight. He passed by her in the kitchen as he went straight to the refrigerator to get the tub of strawberry-flavored ice cream she bought earlier. She didn’t mind; it was there for him anyway. 

"Gold is a nice color," he mentioned casually as he grabbed a spoon and left.

“Uh-huh,” she mumbled, distracted, as she happened to scroll over a beautiful dress and clicked for more detailed photos at once, already in love. It was the perfect one. She hit the order button and folded her fingers together, pleased. Later on, she found a suitable mask for the dress and wasted no time in making her purchase, too.

The 31st of October arrived. The moment she stepped out of her apartment building, she knew something was wrong.

Takechiyo stood by the car door. It was the first time she ever saw him in a suit. He looked good—dashing, even—and she gave him a shy smile. His eyes widened as he appraised her approaching form, but then his agape lips shifted into a frown a few seconds later. She wondered what it was, then. Was her makeup too much? Did she spray on too much perfume? Was her dress—

Ah, her dress.

Gold is a nice color, he had said.

Takechiyo held a mask; its base and feather were gold, and so was his tie. He even had a bouquet in his hands, magnolias wrapped in special yellow paper. Through the absolute surprise that he got her flowers, the question rang repeatedly inside her mind: could it be possible that he had wanted to… match?

She stood in front of him, and he thrust the bouquet into her hands and turned away. "Baldy planted them in his backyard and said I should bring them. That's all." 

Despite his statement, she only needed one glance to tell that the yellow petals were cultivated to perfection, the arrangement and wrapper were too fancy, and the ribbon on the stem was too intricate for a homemade bouquet. Takechiyo was silent as he drove away and has given her dry replies since. A few weeks ago in her imagination, the two of them danced the night away in each other’s arms, but of course, this was Takechiyo. Now, at the party, he was being an awful date, if she could call even call this a date.

Trick or treat? How does one outwit the slyest of them all?

“Let’s dance,” she invited him with enthusiasm in hopes of turning the mood of this night around.

He sighed. “Why must I dance, exactly?”

"It's a masquerade ball," she leaned in and said, "Look around you."

Takechiyo did so and took a moment before responding, "Why don’t you dance with that guy, instead. You're matching with him."

He gestured towards the top of the grand staircase where a lone man stood, his arms leaning on the banister as he observed the ball. Sure enough, the man Takechiyo referred to was wearing a deep red mask and tie. Even the color of his hair was the same fiery shade; much like the dress she was wearing. It was difficult to believe at first, but Takechiyo’s words confirmed her suspicion: he really was upset about not being able to match tonight.

The man who wore a red mask caught her gaze and smirked, raising his glass. She smiled back politely and raised her own, half-full with red wine, and took a sip. It tasted exquisite. What a pity; Takechiyo, who has still yet to taste his wine, didn’t know what he was missing out on. But how surprising it was she encountered that man here of all places; Oda Saburou.

Takechiyo didn’t miss her exchange with the stranger. "What was that."

"Hm? Just saying hi."

"You know Oda."

His statement, which was laced with surprise, disbelief, and poison all at once, made her chuckle. She placed her glass down on the table and turned to Takechiyo who looked away at once. "Oda Saburou comes to the restaurant and gets konpeito with his take-out all the time... See his glass? That’s not some fancy cocktail or anything of the sort. That’s melon soda.”

“Tch. Why would you even know such things?”

“Of course, I would. I prepare and serve his food. He tends to avoid the alcohol section on the menu. I’m guessing he can’t handle his alcohol or something like that.”

Takechiyo didn’t respond and glared at the table’s centerpiece. Poor roses… If looks could make them wilt, they would have already done so... thirty minutes ago.

A movement from her peripheral vision caught her interest. Oda Saburou leaned back from the banister and began his descent down the stairs to join the party, the reason only the devil knows; maybe he got bored or hungry, or maybe saw another acquaintance. It wasn’t any of her business. A while ago, she had planned to get some desserts from the buffet table for Takechiyo and herself as a last resort to try to improve his mood when her eyes flickered from her date to Oda Saburou, and an unexpected idea popped inside her mind. 

“Hey, you know what? Maybe I’ll take your advice,” she informed him, grabbing the red lipstick from her clutch, and retouching her still-perfect makeup. She stood up and made a show of brushing her skirt and fixing a lock of her hair as she stole a glance in his direction from the corner of her eye.

Takechiyo was no fool; he knew right away which advice she was talking about. The expression of shock and slight panic was visible across his face, failed to be hidden by the mask he wore, literally and figuratively. That was it. She had pushed his buttons, and she knew they were the correct ones.

“Hold it right there… Damn it.” He let out a string of curses under his breath as he grabbed her hand and led her to the middle of the ballroom. His warm hands slid to her elbows, raised them so her palms landed on his shoulders, and settled on the sides of her waist, pulling her closer.

"Why are we dancing?" she teased, inwardly pleased at the turn of events. She also discovered that Takechiyo possessed a hidden talent no one would expect: he was excellent at dancing. She was impressed.

"It's a masquerade ball,” he leaned in and whispered, "Look around you."

Really now, she thought. They blended well in the sea of couples dancing to the tune of a romantic ballad. Amongst the far end of the crowd, she spotted Oda Saburou indulging on a slice of cake as he occupied a table with some of the men he dropped by the restaurant with. She failed to notice right away, but Takechiyo’s hand moved from her waist to cradle her face and nudge her chin to face his way, connecting his gaze with hers. Speechless, she could only chuckle in response and moved to match his graceful pace, giving her full attention to him once more.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance. “And what in the world is so funny?”

“Nothing.” She smiled, delighted to be in the arms of the one most precious to her. He was always so sly, and though it seemed for a time she couldn’t beat him at his own game, the night proved it otherwise. He would have words about this later when they return to his place or maybe hers, of that she was sure. But the moment of her victory was still fresh, and she would bask in it for as long as she could. “Nothing at all.”

Trick and treat.

3 days until Ieyasu's birthday! ♡◝(⑅•ᴗ•⑅)◜♡

Golden Days | Ieyasu's Birthday Countdown — Masterlist

Ichigo Daifuku's Full Masterlist

[alewyren]

tumblr is dead but I’m gonna post my thoughts on Inuyasha here too for archiving purposes. cw for (non-detailed) discussion of sexual assault and suicide wrt kikyo

OKAY. SO. MY THOUGHTS ON INUYASHA. warning for some INCREDIBLY hot takes.

it. sure was a journey. I am not sure if I liked the series overall or not. It had some legit good/touching moments, but it dragged SO LONG and there were a lot of things I thought could've been handled better. But it was fun liveblogging it for sure. And I got NarKik out of it, which snapped me out of my year-long creative dry spell, so it was at least a net positive time investment LMFAO.

I liked... mmmmost of the characters? sango, sesshoumaru, kagura, kanna, naraku, kohaku, K I K Y O, and even kagome were all Good. On the flipside, Inuyasha himself is FUCKING TERRIBLE and he sucks and I hate him. Emotional immaturity ain't cute, he gets everything handed to him on a silver platter, rarely apologizes for being a selfish prick, and the other characters are WAY too forgiving of his bullshit. I got tired of the tsundere het romance cliches between him and Kagome pretty fast, as well as how often he was jealous of her. Like, Kagome's insecurities over Kikyo I can legit understand (despite being #1 Kikyo Fucker). But whenever she's so much as civil with Kouga and Inuyasha's all HANDS OFF MY WOMAN I'm like... dude shut up you two-timing hypocrite. If You Like It Then You Should’ve Put A Ring On It. Credit where credit is due tho, they did chill out over time and some of their moments together towards the end of the series were legit sweet. I'm pretty meh on Inukag overall, and iffy on the resolution of her moving to his era permanently, but that last panel of him greeting her as she came out of the well gave me a Feel.

(Actually, on that note, it... would have been legit kind of hella if the series had ended with Inuyasha himself permanently moving to the modern era? Aside from their friends he had far fewer attachments in his world than she did hers, and there's so much more potential with him having to adapt to the modern era, lol. ALTERNATIVELY, kikyo lives and she switches places with kagome and makes a new life for herself in the modern era. thus letting her truly live as a normal girl. But I'll Get To Kikyo Later. smh)

The premise of the series is actually pretty strong, though of course you can poke holes in it. To my knowledge it was the first isekai anime that really took off, and the driving plot of collecting the Shikon fragments is excellent monster of the week material (though I'm not really a monster of the week fan myself). Also, youkai are awesome. Focusing the series on real-world mythology makes my Shin Megami Tensei heart very excited.

I know the series runs on emotion rather than logic, but I REALLY have some questions here. The fact that the well is explicitly stated to take Kagome back in time rather than to another world makes no sense at all. First of all, where are all the youkai in the present day? Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru are at least a couple hundred years old, right? What happened to them in that 500 year timespan? Surely some creature or another from the series would have naturally survived that long. So what happened? Was there a mass-youkai extinction somewhere along the line? Shouldn't this be cause for concern? Also, do Kagome's time-traveling actions create a stable time loop or a branching timeline? If Naraku won in the past, how would that affect the present? The two eras are just completely isolated from each other and I really don't get it. That kind of stuff. Yeah yeah I know MST3K mantra and all but MAN this bothers me.

Which brings me to Exhibit A of stuff I think should have gone differently: Kagome should have stayed the protagonist, and the modern era should have gotten more focus. Not as in her day-to-day school shenanigans, but stuff touching on the questions listed above. There's just a lot of untapped potential regarding How This Shit Works, rather than confining the story pretty much entirely to the Sengoku Jidai With Youkai. Also there could be plenty of shenanigans with characters OTHER than Kagome and Inuyasha hanging out in the present. LIKE KIKYO. okay yeah my kikyo bias is showing but it would be the perfect opportunity to 1. hide her from naraku (unless he found a way into the present, but that just ties into my previous point), 2. develop her friendship with Kagome. Which would have done both of them wonders. BUT I'LL GET TO KIKYO LATER. (I'm dying imagining Kagome introducing Kikyo to her schoolmates as her cousin and taking her shopping though..... teaching her how to ordinary human... like..... HHH.)

Anyway, Kagome as the protagonist. She was very much the protagonist at the start of the series--she took a more active role in a lot of the monster of the week conflicts, and just had a lot more focus and screentime in general. Then Inuyasha got his sword upgrades and her role in conflicts became reduced to sensing Shikon fragments and occasional use of arrows. It took until the last hundred chapters for her to get ANY sort of substantial power-up, and it felt... unearned? I had been looking forward to her developing her miko powers alongside Inuyasha's youkai powers, and getting bow upgrades to match his Tessaiga upgrades, but it just... didn't happen. Her miko powers having been sealed all along felt like an ass pull, and I wasn't really a fan of the test of character she had to go through in order to get the fancy bow upgrade being solely focused on overcoming her feelings of jealousy towards Kikyo... again... like it's valid for her to feel that way but we've been here already! Surely there's more to her character than this! I think it would've been awesome if she actually got some fights of her own too, and maybe Kaede and eventually Kikyo mentoring her growth as a miko? But as far as canon went, it just felt like she got shallower and less interesting over time as Inuyasha slowly took over the protagonist role and that was a damn shame. Let Kagome be the plucky isekai protagonist she was always meant to be! This, of course, ties in with my assertion that the modern era should have gotten more focus too.

okay, so. it's time. kikyo. Kikyo. I fucking LOVE kikyo, absolutely my fave chara, I was not expecting to love Kikyo this much lmao. All that ship war propaganda was a big fat lie. She has an ASTONISHINGLY mature narrative about the effect of tragedy and trauma on people and relationships, but it was SO under-utilized and shafted in favor of the Love Triangle and Inuyasha's Manpain and I'm FUCKING UPSET. Kikyo was (or at least had the makings to be) the best character in Inuyasha but she was not done justice at all, in this essay I

Like, sit down and think about it. Here we have a woman who lost her parents at a young age, taking on the responsibilities of her household, and training to be a miko on top of it--which in the world of Inuyasha is a very emotionally demanding position that requires her to basically devote her entire life to her duties, ESPECIALLY once she's entrusted with the Shikon Jewel. All while being required to live a life of asceticism and suppressing worldly desires. In short, she basically never had a chance to actually, like. Live. Keep in mind that she was a child/teenager throughout all this (she was 17/18 when she died). That's a LOT of pressure on someone that young.

At this point, she's understandably lonely and depressed, and then along comes Inuyasha. She falls in love with him, gets a taste of a life that would truly make her happy, and has it ripped away. Like, there's some really fucking dark subtext to the whole Onigumo plot. She shows kindness to a random stranger, who proceeds to make a deal with the devil to LITERALLY RAPE HER, and her life is ruined as a result. No, Kikyo wasn't literally raped in canon, because even though Onigumo wanted to rape her Naraku's intentions towards her were... more complicated if still incredibly fucked up, but good lord the subtext is THERE. And as a result of the ensuing incident, believing Inuyasha betrayed her, she straight up KILLS HERSELF. Yes, it was partly to protect the Shikon Jewel, but she did not want to come back to life. Let that sink in. Kikyo was driven to suicide by an incident incited by a man who took advantage of her kindness in order to rape her. (nostalgia critic voice) FAMILY PICTURE!

I'm not gonna pretend Kikyo was the only victim here, though. Inuyasha has pretty clear PTSD from the event too, even after learning Kikyo is innocent. But through his relationship with Kagome, he begins to heal and move on. Then Kikyo gets brought back as a clay zombie, fucks up his whole grieving process, kickstarts the love triangle, you know the story. Kikyo's perspective is actually really interesting to dig into though. She didn't want to be brought back. She's PISSED. Even when the dust settles and she learns that Inuyasha is innocent, the anger and trauma have changed her. She's got a good ol' dose of PTSD herself. She's colder, harsher, engages in risky/self-destructive behavior, and distances herself from her loved ones. Like, think about it. Was there any logical reason she had to separate from Inuyasha and his group to fight Naraku on her own? To keep them in the dark about why she surrendered the Shikon Jewel to Naraku? No. That's a character flaw on HER part. And all this puts real strain on her relationship with Inuyasha. They still love each other, but their mutual trauma has completely changed their dynamic. Their love is based on their past relationship rather than their present chemistry. They don't make each other happy anymore. Neither of them are at fault for that. That's REAL AS FUCK. That's what trauma DOES to people and relationships.

So, yes, I'm a hardcore Kikyo stan who supports InuKag over InuKik. We exist. InuKik does not work as a relationship in the present because they've both changed due to trauma and that's the GODDAMN POINT. It's not a story about true love, it's a story about moving on from first love. The problem is that Kikyo's character is largely confined to her role as a love rival to Kagome. Inuyasha's side of the InuKik narrative, of letting go of the past and healing, is resolved. Kikyo's is not. And boy, I was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LIVID that the love triangle was resolved through Kikyo's death rather than Inuyasha just... fucking, PICKING KAGOME OVER KIKYO BEFOREHAND RATHER THAN HER NEEDING TO DIE. She can still die after that! I swear, I'm not just salty because my fave died. At least 70% of my favorite charas are dead. I literally don't care anymore. I'm mad that she was killed off in a way that reduced her to being Inuyasha's Woman rather than getting a chance to heal and grow apart from him, as he did from her. And this in turn cheapens the narrative around why InuKik doesn't work as a present relationship to begin with, because he never actually picks present love over past love! He just keeps committing emotional infidelity until Kikyo gets killed off to wrap things up in a neat little bow with no character growth on his part! This shit is why I hate Inuyasha (the character).

Kagome's kindness towards Kikyo also plays a part in why she softens up by the end, yes, but that kindness is entirely depicted as "I want to save her because she's important to Inuyasha and I love Inuyasha." Kagome's character growth in these moments hinges on her picking love over jealousy, NOT through actually bonding with Kikyo. On top of that, Kikyo saving Kohaku over defeating Naraku struck me as out of character (have to show she's not a bad person after all? which she isn't, but still). It definitely made her death feel even more pointless. How come Kohaku gets to live and not her!!! Seriously, the fact that Kohaku gets to live and Kikyo doesn't REALLY rubs me the wrong way. She barely even knew Kohaku! He was willing to die to defeat Naraku! NOT killing Kohaku to defeat Naraku almost cost MORE lives! It could've been a poignant resolution to her character arc, but there wasn't enough buildup for it to be a convincing decision for her to make.

And oh my god, there's SO much wasted potential here. Kikyo's resentment towards Kagome is super understandable, and it's never really explored. Kagome replaced her. Kagome is filling the role she should have filled. What's even left for her except her hatred of Naraku? She asserts that Inuyasha cannot forget her (her being lowkey possessive of him is *chef kiss* my wife is a bitch and I like her so much), and he doesn't, but she still straight up tries to kill Kagome lmao. Like I said they do reconcile, but it's kinda half-assed. Kikyo's feelings are never explored in-depth. She's never truly given a chance to heal and realize that she does have a place in the world beyond her decaying relationship with Inuyasha and hatred for Naraku. That her scarred, flawed existence is still just as fucking valid as Kohaku or Rin or Jaken being able to live after being brought back from the dead. Like lemme stress again that the girl experienced INTENSE trauma and COMMITTED SUICIDE. The notion that she's the only one who needs to die in order to restore the natural order, that her death is beautiful and tragic but necessary, is..... gross, tbh. :U

Like, she can still die, lmao. IMO it'd be legitimately more interesting if she lived, if she had an opportunity to carve a place for herself outside of Kagome like Kagome did Kikyo, but it IS possible for her to die without it making ME want to die. Just resolve the love triangle shit first, flesh out some of her relationships outside of Inuyasha himself (ESPECIALLY Kagome), show her healing and softening, and then she can die protecting everyone or some shit. That would've been fine. But No. She just gets killed off for the service of Inuyasha's character, so he can hook up with Kagome guilt-free, with NONE of this addressed. Because it's more palatable for a woman to be dead than broken up with, I guess? I Hate It Here, You Guys.

her (near) last words being "I've finally become an ordinary woman" rubbed me the wrong way too... it like, tried to wrap her character arc up in a neat little bow while ALSO entirely confining its resolution to being Inuyasha's Woman and discarding the narrative of trauma driving them apart. I love the narrative of the girl forced to be inhuman who just wants to be normal. This just felt like... a really cheap way to go about doing that, at the disservice of her character being about OLD love, for a forced (and false) sense of closure. Didn't like it. God fucking damn, typing it all out just made me even MORE pissed off.

tl;dr: kikyo had the makings of an amazing trauma survivor narrative but it got shafted. she deserved everything. thank you for coming to my TED talk.

SIGH. okay. there are other characters I wanna touch on too. Uhhh I actually thought Naraku was pretty cool, though he became way less interesting after Mt Hakurei (for the most part--he was cool again during the direct lead-up to Kikyo's death as well as the final battle). His identity crisis was pretty neat, as was the way he specifically targeted other people's emotions and relationships as a way to compensate for his own utter lack of a sense of self. Not to mention the cold, detached way he regards his own emotions ("my pp stands up whenever i look at kikyo, wish it wouldn't do that :/") and how this leads him to succumb to the influence of the Shikon Jewel, in contrast to Inuyasha and Kagome breaking the cycle. His lack of motivation is actually kind of the point, and I think it's neat as hell! Things got boring once The Baby entered the picture, and I got the sense Rumiko wasn't really sure what to do with Naraku for a while. His style of villainy got a lot more distant and "just as keikaku," when it was the way he got up in everyone's business and pushed their buttons for his own shallow amusement that made me like him in the first place. His fragments aside from Kagura and eventually Kanna were way less interesting, and I think it would've been neat to go more into his role as basically being an abusive dad, but it's fine. The Baby was a fucking boring and atrocious villain though, jfc. The /idea/ of Naraku's own heart rebelling against him was cool enough, but it means jack shit when The Baby is just a bland-ass villain who doesn't remotely represent the character traits that make up Naraku's "heart" in the first place, even aside from Kikyo.

Speaking of which, his fixation on Kikyo is a LOT of fun. Their interactions (which he was apparently secretly into), how he rejected his own humanity and destroyed both himself and the object of his desires, etc. Which is another reason he got less fun after Mt. Hakurei tbh. I fucking hate the way Kikyo's death was handled overall but I liked that he had to reclaim his human heart in order to overwhelm and kill her. That was neat. Something something toxic desire destroying both yourself and the person it's directed at. Then at the very end he realized that his entire existence was completely pointless and empty and his complicated feelings towards Kikyo were the only thing that ever made him actually, like, give a shit. Pour one out for this absolute dumbass. He's a relatable villain because I too would go to absolutely insane lengths to get over a girl I never even dated.

Uhh who else. Sango and Miroku. Sango was my favorite character in the main party. She's the most level-headed of the bunch, has a super cute design, and her story with Kohaku was responsible for a lot of the emotional moments in the series that really landed for me. Her friendship with Kagome was actually super cute and heartfelt. That scene early on where she broke down crying in Kagome's lap because she was scared of being alone again HURT. Also, Kirara is fucking precious. Miroku I've got mixed feelings about, since on the one hand he's a legitimately interesting character and some of his scenes with Sango did hit fairly hard, but DEAR GOD I hate the quirky pervert trope with a burning passion. If it were played seriously, I'd stan him to hell and back a la Adachi. But it isn't, so it's not. I've got mixed feelings about MirSan too. Their resolution was really sweet, but I was kinda like "wha" when Kagome said Sango had a thing for Miroku in the first place. Like, sure okay, but I think more time should've been spent showing her falling for him in the first place lol. Also the butt-grabbing joke got old fast. And when he proposed to her and basically refused to stop flirting with other women I facepalmed so hard. Can't have character growth when you have unfunny running gags! To his credit, he did chill out for the most part, but still kept making jokes about flirting/scoring that clearly made Sango unhappy and I'm like. Why. Then the bit with Hirai-Kotsu needing to be fixed. I liked their mutual resolve to protect each other, but I thought Sango's comment about how she couldn't live without him was..... a bit much. Like what about Kohaku??? But anyway I'm just glad Sango got a happy ending even if I'm still super *SQUINTS* at Miroku.

Sesshoumaru was pretty neat, I get why he's popular, though wasn't really My Type. Sure he's cool, but his /personality/ was a bit lacking and I think we should have gotten some more insight into his relationship with his father for how much focus his quest for the Best Sword got. His development was pretty good, but I've kind of got an issue with how Rin was more of a plot device than a character. Like, okay, one of the reasons I decided to start reading Inuyasha was because the announcement of Yashahime sparked a wave of Sessh/Rin discourse and I wanted to form my own take on it. And, yeah okay I don't like Sessh/Rin either and I say this as a certified Nasty, lmao. Less because it's problematic (though I find it kind of offputting myself, even aged-up) and more because it's bland. Rin has no character whatsoever outside of being a vehicle for his development and I'm REALLY not a fan of girls being objects for male charas' development. Still, I'm not gonna boycott Yashahime if Sessh/Rin is canon or anything. I prefer him with Kagura or even Kikyo but they're dead, so. If Rin has to be his cum dumpster to make this happen, then that's how it's gotta be.

Thats about it I think. I'd put it a rung or two above Naruto in terms of overall quality, but BOY am I still mad abt Kikyo. 6/10 probably wouldn't recommend, but it WAS fun.

[dicnechambers]

What was done has been done and what was said has been said.

Summary: Set right after I’ll Be Seeing You. The sadness and the regrets are inevitable, but the end is not. 

(Cheers; Sam Malone/Diane Chambers; Rated: T; Hurt/Comfort)

Sam Malone was still staring at the painting in his hand. He was no longer admiring it, rather he was deciphering what it was conveying. He never really grew an appreciation for art, no matter how much Diane tried to instill it in him and how much he really tried for her, but this one was different. It was a portrait of her. Although it was an abstract imagery of her, it reflected her much more than any fine art ever could. Through each brush stroke that made every line and curve and the colors that brought the canvas to life, he saw the sadness and the anguish she kept deep inside her. He saw the torment he stirred inside her heavy heart.

What was he thinking? Telling her to get out? Bidding her goodbye for the rest of his life just like that? He was just so furious at her! He felt betrayed by what she had done, going behind his back and getting her portrait done by that despicable artist he strictly told her not to. He had enough of her telling him what to do and what not to do, as if he was hers to dictate how his life should be lived. She drove him crazy and he was sick of it! He gently laid the painting down on the bar and gripped on the railings and bowed his head down. What was he thinking? She just brought out the worst in him at times! 

He closed his eyes, trying to clear his head from the mess that had just happened. He shook himself up, trying to get rid of all the negative thoughts inside his head and warn off the negativity surrounding him. It didn’t work. The silence around filled him.

He thought about breaking up with Diane, maybe once or twice or a few times, whenever she snapped the wrong wires inside his head. He always thought breaking up with her would be the biggest and deepest sigh of relief he ever had in his life or the fastest and loudest banging of his fists on his chests with joyous cries of liberty. The reality was nothing like that. Instead, it was the most hollow emptiness he ever felt deep inside of him, as if everything he had was taken away from him. 

The silence rung louder and louder with each undying effort to shut his eyes closed. His hands turned white with his grip on the rails growing stronger. His body stiffened. He pursed his lips together and furrowed his brows in deep concentration to warn off the misery that lured inside him. A few moments passed and soon he was shaking as he tried to hold himself together. Eventually, he began to lose his breath and his balance when he gasped for air and almost fell off his stand. He leaned against the bar in defeat and took in breaths of air.

It was in that moment of acceptance that his efforts were vain when he felt it. He felt the depression of the everything that had just happened, and it hit him like a million volts coursing through his body in an instant shock. He had lost his sweetheart, his dream girl, his right one, his love... and he had never felt so overwhelmed over a loss before.

Sam Malone wasn’t old, but he had definitely lived one hell of a life so far. In his life, he reached the highest of highs and fell to the lowest of lows. His life was no stranger to loss. He lost his baseball career and marriage. He almost lost himself to the liquid devil in a bottle. Through all the losses of his life, none of them ever hurt him quite like this one. He had cared about his career and his wife, but not like Diane. No, Diane was different all together. She was the only thing in his life that he had held onto so tightly. His grasp on her never quavered, through the good and bad times. No matter how much she enraged him to insanity, she made him the happiest he ever was in his life. She was the only person who made him try to change for the better, for her and even himself. He has his old habits that are hard to die out, he’ll admit that. His machismo and his womanizing are just some to mention. Regardless, there was no doubt in his mind that he would ever dare cheat on her. He cared for her - quite frankly, he loved her with the best of everything he had and everything he was. He would never hurt her intentionally. It was beneath him.

He let the one thing he had in his life that was most precious to him walk away from him and he had no one to blame but himself. He felt the crippling pain in his chest deeper and deeper and deeper when the realization hit him, and it crushed him beyond repair and he hated it.

He looked around the lonely bar. He didn’t know what to do with the damage he caused. Then, as if it called out to him, he saw it. It twinkled right before his eyes. He grabbed a beer mug from the bar and walked right over to the tap, poured himself a glass and placed it on top of the bar. He watched as the foam rose up to the rim. He looked down at the temptation in front of him. Oh, was he never more tempted to take a sip of amber happiness. He wanted nothing more but to forget. He wanted to forget about what happened, forget about his relationship, forget about her. He didn’t want to feel anything he was feeling at that moment, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

—

Nothing. She felt absolutely nothing. Diane Chambers barely felt the cold Boston breeze as she made her way back home to her building. She didn’t feel how heavy her feet were when she dragged them up the stairs to her apartment. She couldn’t even feel how her eyes were stinging from the tears she held back since she walked up the steps of Cheers.

As soon as she was home, she locked the door behind her, shrugged off her coat and kicked off her heels. Any other day, it would feel like weight being lifted off her shoulders but today it hardly made her burden any different. She leaned against her front door and let out a heavy sigh as closed her eyes. She felt so tired. She was through. She was empty.

Today’s events were the worst events she ever had in her entire life. She walked away from the man she loved so deeply, and he let her. This was it. Throughout their relationship, they’ve had multiple arguments and some of them almost leading up to the end of them until they both come back to their senses and apologize to one another. This time, this was not one of them. There was no turning back now. What was done has been done and what was said has been said. They we’re over. Oh, how she wished they weren’t over.

Diane loved Sam with every ounce of love that oozed out of her. He was a good-looking fellow with a mesmerizing charm. As much as she would never like to admit it, it wasn’t hard to see why all the ladies fell hard for him. Underneath his dim witted masculine jock persona, she saw through him and who he really was. He was a genuinely kind, caring, loyal and considerate man with integrity and a heart. 

Their relationship was far from perfect. They were different people and they wouldn’t see eye to eye often. He had his infuriating moments and they would fight with each other like they were scratching nails up against the walls. In spite of that, she knew how much he deeply cared about her. He did things that proved that time and time again when the universe seemed to be giving them bumps on the road. He read War and Peace for her and he ditched skirt chasing escapades with his friends. She heard his conversation with Norm about finding “the one” (and how Norm pointed out that he found her). He really tried to change his old ways for her, and she knew. In every vicious dispute, she never once doubted how much he meant to her and she knew he did the same.

What hurt the most about all this was that it was Sam who told her to get the hell out. She never would have thought that he would be the one to end their relationship, especially how he did it. It felt he stabbed a knife straight to her heart. That was the worst their relationship ever was, but no matter how bad it got or if it were to ever get worse she didn’t and she never wanted to leave him. She was completely shattered when he still wanted her out even after she gave him the heartbreaking ultimatum she never thought she’d give. Even after she climbed up those stairs, she didn’t want them to end this way. She tried to go back down their, to fight for them and their relationship, but from where she stood in the middle of those steps she saw him walking away from the door and after how he kicked her out she thought it would be useless to even try so she retreated up those steps with a broken heart.

Maybe she should’ve treated him differently. Sam didn’t treat her nicely, but she didn’t treat him fairly too. She shouldn’t have forced him to try to change for her completely. Maybe she shouldn’t have berated him for every little thing he did that she didn’t like. Maybe she shouldn’t have forced him to do things he didn’t want to do either. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that their relationship was pointless and just filled with childish arguments. What they had was so much more than that.

Her thoughts don’t do any help with the immense aching inside her chest and she breaks down in sobs that she’s been trying to hold back as her back slowly slides downwards against the door. She had never felt so broken. The last time she cried this much was when she lost her childhood cat. Elizabeth was part of her life for so long and she loved her so much. The love she had for Sam was completely different, but she never loved anyone the way she loved him. She was never with anyone the way she was with Sam. No one could spark a torch in her when she was furious the way he did. No one had ever gone out of their way for her. No one has ever had a special place in her heart.

After a while that seemed to have lasted forever, she decided to get back on her feet. Her vision was a blur, her nose was runny and her cheeks were wet with the tears that continued to fall. She walked towards her drawers and began to grab some candles.

—

Sam was still standing in front of his beer-filled mug. He had picked it up and tried to raise it to his mouth but he just couldn’t. He tried again and again and again, but the most he’s done is lifting the mug up in the air before he placed it back down on the bar.

All he wanted was a little taste and all his troubles would be over. He wanted it so badly, it was agonizing. He desperately craved for just a tiny bit of his drink. He never thirsted for it the way he did at that moment.

He stared down at the mug head on. He wasn’t going to leave his bar until he had his fill. The darkness that reflected the lateness of the night and surrounded the bar was seeping deep within him. He looked to his side and suddenly the view brings back a memory to him. He stares out for quite sometime before he snaps back to the present and shrugs off the memory. This time he was going to do it and nothing was going to stop him. There was nothing that could stop him.

Once more, he takes the mug in his hands and lifts it up. He moves it closer to his lips and he holds it up there. He brings his lips closer to the mug that it touches the rim. All he has to do is to tilt it enough that the liquid pours right into his mouth. He closes his eyes to savor the moment as he’s about to do it when a voice from his memory comes creeping back into his mind and he pauses.

The memory he has is the last time he wanted a drink so badly. He remembered the way he opened himself a bottle, poured himself a mug full and stood in front of the beer mug so intensely in the dimly lit bar. It was when he lent his lucky bottle cap and he found out that it was lost in the middle of Kansas City. He had a pretty bad streak of bad luck before he found out the faith of his lucky bottle cap and he thought he would be doomed without it. What he remembers most from it wasn’t how low he felt at that point or how high he felt when he once again conquered his enticement towards alcohol. He remembers her, how she tried so frantically to cheer him up and stop him, how she silently stared at him fearing that he would do something terrible to himself that he was going to regret and how relieved she was when he didn’t. The voice that crept up in his head was hers, trying to frantically stop him from doing it.

Her voice only got louder every time he tried to tilt the mug up against his lips. When he hears her voice ringing out of his mind, he slams the mug down on the bar the liquid inside spills out of the glass and remains swish back and forth heavily. With a shake of his head, he throws down the remains of mug down the sink. He releases a deep sigh after he wipes down the bar of the beer that spilled.

He walks over to the side of the bar towards the door, the side where stood at that low moment of his life. He ran his hand across that side of the bar when he felt the carvings against his hand. He looked down at it and read it in his mind. SM + DC. It was engraved at her favorite corner of the bar. It was written on the bar forever. He remembered how he lightly scolded her for doing that, but gosh did he wish he appreciated it more when she first did it. That’s when it hit him.

When he was at that low point in his life, he turned upside down by taking the bottle cap of that last beer bottle he opened and claiming it to be his new one instead of heading back downhill after everything he’s been through to get back on his feet. Now he was at the lowest point his life ever reached. He knew that he had to do something to make it right before he were to back downhill again. No, he was not going to lose his battle this time.

He went inside his office to grab his baseball jacket before he headed out the door. He locked up the bar and headed up over to his red corvette. He began to drive, but he wasn’t heading home quite yet.

—

Diane was sitting on her couch with her legs wrapped around her arms in her candlelit apartment. She was still a mess of free falling tears and occasional sniffles. She lost track of time the moment she curled herself up on that couch. From the outside view of her window, she could see that it was either well late into the night or early dawn. She could care less, for all she knew.

She took a deep breath in as her sad thoughts filled her head once again when she heard a knocking on her door. Who could possible be at her door at this untimely hour? She honestly just wanted to ignore whoever was behind her door, but wasn’t going to be rude even in her state of distress. She got up on her feet, headed towards the door and wiped away her tears on her cheeks with the back of her hands. She unlocked all the locks attached and opened her door wide.

To her surprise, she saw Sam standing outside her door, looking as if he had a pretty long rough night. She looked up at him with a questioning look on her face.

“Sam, what are you doing here?” She asked him as softly and broken as she sounded earlier when she was about to leave Cheers.

He looked down at her and his heart broke harder than it did earlier. Her entire face was red and her cheeks were stained with tears. He hated seeing her cry, and hated it more than he was the reason she was in tears.

“I’m sorry.” He said with his hands hanging open loosely on his sides. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

They look at each other silently for a moment before Diane steps forward, falling forward to him, grips her long, slender arms around his shoulders and violently sobs against his chest. He instantly catches her in his own arms and pulls her closer to him. She’s thankful for his support on her because her knees were weak and she didn’t know how she could keep on her feet. Her tears soak through his shirt, but it didn’t bother him at all. He ran a hand up and down the small of her back and closed his eyes as he continued to utter his sorry’s against her ear.

Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. Right now they we’re holding each other close together. That wasn’t it. They weren’t over.

—

It had been a couple of minutes since Sam arrived at her doorstep. They were seated across each other in opposite couches of her living room in silence. Right now, the silence was comforting but eventually one of them had to speak up and talk about what had just happened earlier that day.

Sam cleared up his throat. “I think we should talk about what went down at the bar earlier.”

Diane looked up at him from where she was seated and sighed. “I think we should too.”

He stood up from where he was seated and walked right over to the unoccupied space beside her and took a seat there. He looked at her straight in the eye. “Look, Diane, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for kicking you out of bar like that, and I’m so sorry for ending it the way I did. I was just so mad at the moment I wasn’t really thinking right. I never should’ve let you go and I will never, ever let you go again like that. I’m gonna try to better for you, Diane. I really will. I’ll make everything right again, I promise.”

She shut her eyes closed and took in a deep breath before she began to speak. “What you did to me awhile ago hurt me, Sam. I didn’t know how I was going to recover from this. I was so devastated. It was the worst you ever treated me.” She took in another deep breath before she continued. “However, it made me realize how unfairly I’ve been treating you too. I shouldn’t have tried to change you so much or forced you to do things you didn’t want or belittled you. I love you for who you are, Sam Malone. I’m sorry too.”

The way she looked up at him with her wide blue eyes really got to him. “Thank you, Diane. I’m so sorry for how I’ve been treating you too. I never wanted to hurt you or had any intentions of hurting you and I never will. I know there’s a lot I’ve got to work on about myself, but please believe me when I tell ya I’m trying my damn hardest and I’m really doing the best I can. There is no other woman for me but you, Diane. You really are the woman of my dreams.”

His words made her want to sob all over again. She felt them in her heart and she was simply speechless. “Oh, Sam...” she said as the tears began to spill once again. He grabbed her in an embrace as encircled her arms around his neck and cried on his shoulder. They held each other close together.

When her cries began to die down he looked down at the blonde resting on his shoulders. “So, are we gonna be okay, sweetheart?” He sincerely asked.

She gave him a teary smile. “We’re going to be alright.” She answered him back and he returned her smile with one of his own before he lifts up her legs to rest on his lap. She simply leans into him even more.

They weren’t okay, but they were going to heal together. They were going to make all their wrongs right. They had a lot to work on, but they were going to do it together. They were going to be better for each other. Right now, they simply need each other to assure them of that. They were going to get through this together.

—

Author’s Note: If you follow me on Twitter, then you probably have a pretty good idea how I ended up writing this. I finally watched I’ll Be Seeing You today and it just about crushed me. As soon as I finished watching the episode, the words to this flowed through me and I got on my laptop and typed this the whole day. I’ve never been able to type down a one-shot in one sitting so easily as I did now. I guess you can say that I am that devastated over their break-up. I know they’ll get through this even if they won’t be together for now, but for now I’m just really sad that they had to end this way (now I’m absolutely not excited to see I Do, Adieu and One for the Road). Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this story! I’ll see if I’ll write more some day again soon.

Disclaimer: I do not own Cheers. It was created by Glen Charles, Les Charles and James Burrows.