#Maybe hell be a bara

[bicheetopuff]

listen i'm someone who thinks endeavor is hot because i am a gay man with eyes that can see and i personally think hating him is as easy as breathing. personally.

and loving katsuki with my entire heart is easier than breathing because he's just a boy who went through so much shit. including, but not limited to, a mother that clearly should not have been a parent, a school that restrained him on LIVE TELEVISION, a group of villains KIDNAPPING HIM, LITERALLY DYING, and so much more.

(i could go on an entire rant about his mother but i will. hold myself back. but i will at least say i think she's responsible for katsuki blaming himself for all might's retirement with the fact she told his teachers, in front of him, that if he hadn't been so weak, he wouldn't have gotten kidnapped, and then during deku vs kacchan 2, he literally repeats what she said to him while CRYING)

like yeah. i like endeavor's bara tits. i think he's hot. but you know what's NOT hot? child abuse. and that is why i hate everything about him except his chest.

LMAO you know what? I respect that.

Like, I’m surprised Endeavor’s able to carry those things around without a forklift. Maybe that’s where he stores all of his good qualities? Cuz you sure as hell don’t see them anywhere else…

Also, you’re right about Mitsuki and should say it. I’ve always had mixed feelings about her but I’ve always leaned more towards not liking her. I’m not sure if the way she hits Katsuki belittles him is meant to be a gag, but it’s always rubbed me the wrong way. It reminds me how a lot of how Katsuki anti’s think Katsuki’s completely at fault for his behavior, but the way Mitsuki treats him proves that that isn’t the case at all.

Like, if Mitsuki hitting him on impulse out of frustration and telling him the reason something bad happened to him was because he wasn’t strong enough to prevent it was a regular thing throughout his childhood, then no fucking wonder he ended up the way he did?

When he fell in that river, his first thought was probably “if I wasn’t so weak and clumsy, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen…” so of course Izuku—the kid the whole neighborhood has deemed as the weakest link—offering to help him, insulted him because of how his mom has trained him to feel. The thought of not being perfect at everything in order to avoid mistakes, is scary to him, so when this kid who isn’t good at anything (in his four year old mind) thinks Katsuki isn’t strong enough to help himself, it scares him. Because that must mean he’s weaker than the weakest link in some capacity.

He probably associated losing with getting scolded and hit upside the head by his mom until he eventually grew up to punish himself mentally the same way his mom did. And that hurts my feelings.

It’s such a subtle detail, but I do think it’s genuinely an important aspect to his character that gets overlooked since it’s painted as a gag. Like, I know people just see him as an asshole, but he was literally taught the behavior from his mother, as well as being abused by her, and his dad never did anything to stop any of it. It’s even mentioned again during his remedial course and it hurts that he legitimately thinks it’s normal to be treated that way…

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

MONSTERS DON'T DO BACKGROUND CHECKS - 1/?

-UFSans x Reader

Summary: Moving across the country and starting your life anew on the basis of a rumour may not be the smartest thing you've ever done...but, well, you're here.

If only you could stop running into that asshole skeleton, life would be pretty good.

Tags: underfell au, bara Sans, afab reader, enemies to lovers, fluff, eventual romance, eventual smut, slow burn, swearing, alcohol, smoking, past abuse, plot

Notes: I figured I might as well play around with sharing this one on tumblr too! Don't know if it'll get any interest here (I've never posted a fic on tumblr) but thats okay either way. This is currently on Ao3 with 10 chapters and 75k words, so its a long one folks.

Chapter 1: Monster Don't Do Background Checks

The building looms above you, and you wonder (not for the first time) if you are making a mistake. 

Okay. You take in a deep breath and count to ten. One shot at this. I got this.

Fake it till you make it, right?

Pushing open the surprisingly heavy glass door, you walk in. It takes you a few moments to adjust to the sudden LED-lighted lobby. The first thing that catches your eye -and how could it not - is the giant fountain in the middle of the room. It’s huge, with water spraying out in all directions. A robotic statue stands tall in the middle, water spraying from each of its four arms. An attention-grabber, for sure.

Despite its opulence, the lobby itself is quiet. A few monsters litter about, and it takes you a concentrated effort not to stare. Shit. They are huge . Instead, you focus your eyes on the reception desk in the far left corner and start towards it, ignoring the feeling of multiple pairs of eyes watching your every moment. 

There is nobody behind the desk, which feels a bit odd. You check your phone, confirming the time. It’s correct. Maybe you’re a little early, but that's a good thing…right? Shit. Maybe it’s not for monsters. Who knows. Standing on your tiptoes, you lean slightly against the counter in an attempt to see around it. Nothing. Huh. 

For a moment you can’t help but flounder, feeling awkward as more monsters in the lobby turn to face you. Then your eyes catch on something shiny further down the counter. A reception bell. Oh. Do you need to ring it? 

You slam your hand down on it, only after the chime starts considering that maybe you should have paused a second before just going forward. In some places, ringing the bell could be considered rude, right? Definitely not the impression you’re trying to give. But just waiting here seems dumb too. You’d risk losing your nerve.

And well, that’s just not an option. This is your option. This is your fresh start. 

“Welcome to MTT Resort! Ebott’s biggest apartment-building-turned hotel!” 

Fuck! You startle harshly at the voice, turning on your heel to find the speaker. It comes in the form of a short…almost star-shaped monster suddenly appearing beside you. Where the hell did you come from?! The monster is red and blue colour-blocked, and has a diamond shaped head. You don’t really know what to think of it, though…you’re pretty sure that each point on its body is sharp enough to cause real damage. It puts you on edge, despite its smiling face. 

“Oh. A human guest…” Its head spins completely around. Woah. Weird. “Nice! MTT resort prides itself on catering to all kinds of guests!” 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” You smile awkwardly. “I’m not a guest though. I’m here for the…interview?”

The monster’s head spins around again. “Oh! Well, isn’t that unexpected!” A pause. “But MTT resort prides itself on its ability to handle the unexpected!”

Uh… Unsure as to how to respond to that, you just smile. 

The star-shaped monster points its arm(?) at a door not far from the reception desk. “Go through that door! The supervisor will see you in her office.”

“Thanks!” Your smile becomes a bit more sincere. The monster cartwheels away, starting up a conversation with a new monster walking into the lobby. It’s the same spiel it started with you. You only pay the amusing scene a moment of attention, before turning away and heading towards the door. 

The door opens directly to an office. A high-pitched voice rings out immediately. “What do you want?”

Oh. That’s…that’s a hand. An actual hand. Giant and blue, with very sharp red nails. The monster currently sits behind a large desk, the giant fingers folded into a fist. 

“H-hi!” You stammer. Shit. Pull yourself together. You plaster on a smile and introduce yourself. “I’m here for the job interview.” 

The giant hand moves into a ‘three’ position. “Oh. You’re a human.” How is it even speaking? There’s no mouth??

Once its words register over your internal dialogue, a feeling of dread starts to bubble in your stomach. “Is that…a problem?”

The hand moves to a ‘one’ position. For a long moment, there is no response. You feel your nerves and stress grow, clawing up your throat. Your chest feels weird, a tugging motion you can’t fully place. 

Then, an answer. “No. Just unexpected. We don’t get many humans here.” A pause. “You can call me Chandace.” 

Oh. Alright then. You expected that. “It’s nice to meet you, Chandace.” 

A snort (how?!) “Well, you’re already more polite than the shit employeesI have already. Sit down. Let's get this going.”

With that, the interview starts immediately. It’s short, with mostly questions you had expected and prepared to be asked. A few are…oddly specific, but nothing you can’t handle. You can tell that Chandace is near the end of the questions -and are feeling confident- when she hits you with the big one.

“Do you have any experience working with monsters?”

“No.” You admit. “I just moved here, but I’m very open-minded and ready to learn!”

“Well, you’re definitely crazy enough to even try.” Chandace hums, moving again into a ‘three’ position.“We require all staff to live on-site. Is that a problem?”

“Live…on site?”

“Yes, at the resort.” She says, words slow. “Part of your pay will go directly towards your room, of course. But employees get a discount.” 

That seems…highly problematic. Definitely something that wouldn’t fly outside of Ebott. Red flags pop up in your mind from all directions. But…well…that does actually solve your other big problem of living out of your car. 

“That works for me.” You say. “I do have a car. Do you have parking?”

“Yes.“ Chandace says. “Most monsters don't have cars, so I can sell you a spot. Full-price.” Fucking hell. How much of your pay is going to go towards just living at the resort?! It's frustrating in principle, but not like you have many other options. 

Wait. Most monsters don't have cars? But…

“What about those cars in the parking lot?” You can’t help but ask. The parking lot outside the resort was practically full. 

“Mettatons, mostly.” She says. “Status symbols.” 

Huh? You think back on the cars you walked by. Sure, they were pretty nice…but not exactly something you’d consider a ‘status symbol’. Still, you nod. “Okay.” 

A long silence, then. “I’ll get started on the paperwork.” 

You straighten up, eyes widening. “Does that mean…I got the job?!”

“Don’t be stupid.” Chandace stands up. “Arrive on time, do your job, don’t pull any human shit, and we’ll have no problem.” She starts towards the door. “I’ll be back with the forms.”

The door closes behind you as Chandace walks out. Alone in the office, it takes you a moment for your mind to truly click. 

…I got the job.

…

I did it…holy shit. I actually did it! A triumphant grin forms on your face, and you lean back into the chair. Relief quickly overwhelms any sense of victory you feel. You have a job, and -surprisingly- a place to sleep.

So, that’s how you became the first human employee at a monster-owned business.

Fucking cool. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The elevator makes a freaky sound as you go up, enough to make you question if it might be best to take the stares from now on. At least you’re only on the third floor, so the ride isn’t too long. 

The doors open to a rather lackluster hallway. Sure, there may be nothing overtly wrong with the hallway, but it looks like any other hotel hallway you’ve ever been in. It contrasts so heavily with the glitz and glam of the outside of the building and the lobby that it gives you pause. 

Walking down the hall, you quickly find your room. Sliding the keycard into the slot, the door unlocks. You push it open with your hip, pulling your suitcase behind you. Once inside, you lock the door and turn on the lights. 

Your room itself is much like the hallway, upsettingly normal; though, you are not sure exactly what you expected. Maybe something more ‘monster-like’? Whatever that might mean. Still, the room has pretty much anything you could need: a bed (large), a television (old and boxy), a bathroom (no tub, damn), a table and chair and storage. The only thing missing is a kitchen, but Chandace had already explained earlier that the employees use a full communal kitchen.

It feels sort of like being in a dorm. Hm. Again, you can’t exactly complain. 

After haphazardly putting away your personal items and checking out your view (literally just the side of the building next door), you decide to find this communal kitchen. Double checking that you have your keycard with you, you walk out of your room and down the hall. 

It doesn’t take long to find what you’re sure is it, a large open door at the end of the hall. You turn into the room…

…and immediately crash into someone. 

“Shit!” You grumble, stepping backwards and rubbing your hurt nose. Whatever you walked into was soft, but didn’t move an inch. 

“Watch your fucking step.” A male voice. You look up. Oh. It’s…a cat? Well, a cat monster. Huh. This is actually the first monster that I can somewhat recognize. The cat narrows his eyes at you. “You’re new.” He says, ears folding back onto his head. “Where are you working?”

You introduce yourself, feeling a bit on edge as his stare only grows in intensity. “I’m the new receptionist.”

At your words, his shoulders drop. “Hm. Fine then.” A pause. “Just don’t take from my tips.”

“Uh, of course not?” You respond quickly, confused. “I guess…you work here too, then?”

“Everyone on this floor works at this shithole.” The cat deadpans. You open your mouth to ask another question, but a paw on your shoulder gently pushes you aside. Before you can say anything, the cat monster walks past you. 

Well, fuck me then.

You roll your eyes, and head into the kitchen. It’s empty now, but clean at least. That’s good. There’s also a small seating area with two couches, and a large window. Walking over, you check out the view. It’s a bit better, showing the park across the street.  It’s kind of interesting to people-watch. Uh. Monster-watch?

Bzzt

Your phone vibrates in your pocket. Not a call, a text. Probably Chandace with your schedule. Shit. You can’t believe you are actually going to work at MTT resort! A monster hotel. What the fuck is your life? 

Pulling out your phone, you open the message and read it. Uh. You re-read it. And again. That…can’t be right….right?

[Chandace]: Your first shift is tomorrow. Be downstairs at 4:30 a.m.

Four thirty?! You groan at the text, immediately turning around to head back. If you have to be up that early, you have no choice but to start winding down now. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Winding-down’ turns out to be completely impossible. You try, oh how you try, but everything in you thrums in excitement and anticipation. How the hell can you ‘wind down’ when you’re actually here? Living in MTT Resort? When everything you’ve been working towards for the last few months has actually happened…and worked?

I’m here. 

I’m actually here. 

A mantra you don’t think you’ll stop repeating for a while. Grabbing a pillow, you place it over your face to muffle the excited sound that escapes you. It had been a long, terrifying process, but it actually fucking worked! You think of your day, of how terrified and anxious you had been, of how you spent at least an hour in the MTT Resort parking lot before being able to calm yourself enough to walk in. 

A bit ridiculous, sure, but it’s not like you’re normally like this. God, if you were, you don’t think any of this would have been possible. It was pretty much your life on the line after all. You think you can give yourself a bit of a break. 

Monsters don’t do background checks; the rumor that had you uproot your entire life and move to a completely foreign environment. There hadn’t been a way to corroborate the rumor -nothing online about the subject at all- so the risk had been huge. I guess I was just desperate enough to try anything. At least it turned out to be true. You’re not entirely sure what you would have done if things hadn’t panned out. There was no backup plan.

When you first heard the rumor, you had assumed you would have to move to Ebott itself. That…was overwhelming. The thought of that monster metropolis at the foot of the mountain felt so alien to you. Apparently it had been a small farming town before the Emergence, but the humans that previously lived there left quickly after the monsters showed up. Now, ruled by the monster monarchy, it had exploded into the bustling place it is now. 

The main problem with moving to Ebott was the tension between monsters and humans in the area. It’s a bit better now…but not long ago there were many incidents in the news. Humans would go to the city and cause trouble; sometimes smaller things like vandalism or robbery, and other times actively looking to hurt someone. A dumb idea, really. It never really worked out well for the humans that tried. Not only are monsters normally much stronger than us, but they actually are legally allowed a wide-range of self-defense for themselves and their territory. 

The law had to catch up quickly after the Emergence. Many people were not happy at the monster's existence, and would travel to the town to demand them ‘return to the mountain’. The first time a human was seriously hurt, it was huge. The man had gone to Ebott and attacked what they thought was a weak monster, only to get their ass handed to them. It went to court, and the entire world watched as it was self-defense. It was the first time in a while that you actually felt a bit proud of your species. The precedent continues to stand, dissuading many would-be attackers and vandals. Unfortunately, despite the win, things remain tense between the two species, especially in Ebott. 

So, no, the idea of moving there seemed impossible. Not with your limitations. But in your research, you found another possibility. A city, two hours or so away from Ebott, where enough monsters had branched out to that they formed their own area colloquially called ‘Monstertown. Monster owned businesses were popping up quickly, including a new branch of the famous MTT Resort. From what you read, the big migration of monsters had been a joint decision between the government and the monarchy to improve Monster-Human relations. Unfortunately, it had ended up mostly just dividing the city. Like Ebott -now, anyways- there are rarely any incidents, but only a few brave humans ever enter Monstertown. 

Knowing that, the looks you got all day are neither surprising or insulting. Monsters look at you in surprise and confusion more than anything. It’s what you can expect when you move specifically to the monster side of the city. Sure, maybe you’d have an easier time blending in on the human side of town but…well…there’s a reason you applied specifically to a monster-owned business. 

It’s worked out for you though. A place like this, where monsters are separate but still receptive to humans, is perfect for you. 

Your phone vibrates on the bed, pulling you from your thoughts. You pull the pillow from your face and grab your phone. A new text is up on the screen.

[Mark]: Where r u?

Frowning, you swipe to clear your screen and turn it face down. You push away the new thoughts trying to crawl up your mind, anxieties you thought you left miles ago. No, now is not the time to reflect on the past. 

You are here. This is your future. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don’t get much sleep at all, anticipation for your first day thrumming heavily in your veins. Eventually you do pass out, but it feels like you only sleep for maybe twenty minutes before your alarm starts going off. 

Peeling yourself out of bed, you get ready and head on down to the main floor. Chandace hadn’t mentioned a uniform -luckily- so you were dressed in your best ‘business casual’ type outfit. You take advantage of the large elevator mirror to ensure you look good and put-together from all angles before the doors open to the lobby. 

It’s pretty much empty, which you could expect at this hour. The only two occupants are the hand monster and the star-monster, chatting at the reception desk. 

“Good morning!” You smile, walking over. 

Chandace turns towards you, fingers in a ‘four’ position. “You look presentable. Good.”

“Uh, thanks.” You respond. The silence grows a bit too long. “So…how can I start?”

“I will train you today.” Chandace says. “Tomorrow you will be on your own, so listen well.”

“You will do fine.” The star monster says. “MTT resort prides itself on a robust training program!”

…

…

‘Robust��� my ass.

If there is an actual training program, Chandace doesn’t follow it. All she does is show you the absolute basics of working the reception desk. The customer service part of it comes easily, but the software is almost alien to you. It takes you a bit to understand how to navigate it. Still, you feel like you’re catching on pretty well by the time the first guest arrives. 

You look up, catching eyes with a dog monster. “Good morning!” You give your customer service smile. “Are you checking in?”

The dog looks completely surprised. “You smell like…a human.”

You blink. “Well, good. I am a human.” 

The silence goes long. 

“Can I help you check in?” You repeat. Your voice seems to shake the dog monster out of it. 

“Okay.”

The rest of your interactions go similarly. No matter their size or personality, they all have the same reaction to seeing you: complete shock. It’s kinda funny, but you have a feeling it will get old fast. There’s only so many times you can be told your own species before it gets too repetitive.

Chandace leaves you on your own after the first guest, telling you to only bug her if it's urgent. It feels a bit like a compliment, that she thinks you’re good enough to be left alone. But also…it's kinda worrying to be the only one here on your first day. 

It’s just after noon when your stomach moves from a light rumble to an intense need, and the lack of caffeine -you now know you’ll have to bring your own- and food starts to negatively affect your attitude. When you finally get a chance, you head towards the supervisor's room. 

“Hi Chandace!” You peek in. “I hope I’m not disturbing you.” 

“What do you want?” She responds, fingers in a ‘one’ position. You have a feeling she isn’t actually looking up at you. 

“Just, uh, wondering when I should go on break.” You say. “It’s pretty quiet, I think now might be a good time?”

“A break?” That gets her to look up. “What are you talking about?”

…

“Uh…” You start, not really sure how you’re going to handle this. Why is she confused? “My break. You know…the time I get to myself…that I don’t have to work?”

“You don’t get a ‘break’.” 

That's…not possible. Your shift is over eight hours. Do monsters not get breaks?! For a moment you panic, wondering how you’re going to manage this. Shit, you need this job. But can you work that long without a single break?! “But..I’m legally entitled to it.”

“What?!” Chandace’s fingers go down into a fist. “Is this a human thing??”

“Yeah.” You nod.“It’s thirty minutes for anything over eight hours.” 

“Are you serious?!” She grumbles. “That’s ridiculous! I don’t know how you humans manage to get shit done like this.” A pause. “Anything else you’re ‘entitled’ to?” 

Well, yes, actually. But it doesn’t feel like a good time to bring any of that up. Not on your first day. Not when she already seems so annoyed. “Just a thirty for today.” 

“I’m not paying you to not work.”

You respond quickly. “It’s unpaid!” 

“Hm.” She looks down. “I’m going to look into this. You better not be lying.”

“I’m not!” You insist. 

“Fine. Take it. I’ll do your job too.” Her fingers move dismissively. “Just be back on time.”

“Okay. Uh, thanks.” You leave it there, not wanting to upset her any more, and leave the office. 

After giving the reception and lobby area a quick check -no potential guests- you head out into the lobby with a destination in mind : MTT Burger Emporium. The glittery gold sign has been tantalizing you all morning. You figure that soon, the idea of staying inside the resort for your break and eating resort food will sound awful, but for now it’s all you need. 

You walk into the emporium and look around. It looks just like any other fast-food restaurant, with a bit of extra pizzazz. The walls are decorated with various scenes from Mettaton’s movies and tv shows. Not that you’ve seen more than a few minutes of any. Hm. You look away and make your way to the counter. 

Oh. 

The cat monster from before stands behind the counter. You smile. “Hi again!” Squinting at the small nametag on his apron, you finally have a name to put with the face: BP.

BP’s eyebrows raise. “Quitting already?” He asks.

“What? No.” Your smile fades. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought you were working this morning.” He says. “I saw you on my way in.” 

“I am.” You say, your voice taking on a confused tone as well. “I started at 4:30 this morning.”

That only confuses him more. “So…why are you here if you’re not quitting?”

Suddenly the pieces connect. Ah, I see.  “Oh, I’m on break.”

“On…break?” His head tilts to the side a bit. 

You explain again what a break is, going into a bit more detail this time. The confusion on the monsters face lessens as you talk. When you finish, he chuckles. “Really? Shit. Chandace is probably pissed.”

“Seemed it.” You sigh. “Do you guys really work the entire shift without a break?”

BP shrugs. “Normal to us, I guess.”

“They’re so long though…I don’t know how you do it.” You respond, glancing up towards the clock. Shit. You’re running out of time. “Anyways, what’s good here?”

The break feels too short, and you only finish half of your burger by the time you have to go back to the reception area. A bit early, but it pays off as Chandace comes out at exactly thirty minutes. She’s a bit hard to read…but you think she’s surprised that you are back on time.  

“MTT Resort will comply with your human laws.” She says. “You’ll get a thirty minute break, unpaid.”

“Sounds good to me.” You smile. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 Weeks Later

Walking out of MTT Resort, you throw your hands in the air for a full-body stretch. Your bones pop, and you let out a relieved sigh. Shit, that feels amazing. The air also feels great after that long-ass shift. You started long before the sun came up, and it’s already sunset. The end of your two weeks of ‘nonstop orientation’ hell is done. Fuck. Finally, tomorrow, you have a day off. You’re completely exhausted and want nothing more than to pass out in bed. But…you have things to do. 

Looking down at your phone, you program the MonsterMart into your GPS and let it lead the way. Walking down the street, you can’t help but feel a bit like an animal in the zoo. Humans don’t normally come to this side of town, so you get a lot of looks. It doesn’t normally bother you much, but today it's getting under your skin quite a bit. 

Instead of paying attention to the stares and allowing your annoyance to grow, you spend your walk double checking the grocery list on your phone. It’s not long, just a few items so that you’re no longer spending money at the MTT Burger Emporium. As much as you actually enjoy talking to the snarky cat monster there, the food is heavy and your wallet is really starting to hurt. The resort pays weekly, but with a good portion of your paycheck going towards your room and parking…there isn’t much left over. Definitely not enough to be paying for food each day.

So, grocery shopping it is. You had briefly considered going to the human side of town, but your car is low on gas, and really, getting the lay of the land is probably the best bet. It feels like you haven’t left the resort at all in the past month. If you really plan to live here for a while, you’ll need to know more than one building. Sure, maybe it would be better to explore Monstertown in a better mood, but you don’t really have any other options. Your last paycheck is already almost gone, you can’t afford another Burger Emporium meal and groceries. As it is, you can almost feel the exhaustion radiating out from you. You don’t want to do this at all. If you had any choice, you wouldn’t be. 

The MonsterMart turns out to be a small store, with shelves a bit more bare than you would have liked. Still, you manage to find most of what you’re looking for. The last thing you’re having trouble finding is mustard. 

It’s frustrating, you just want to go home. You don’t want to be searching down every fucking isle for condiments. Eventually you do find them, in the back of a seemingly unrelated section. Finally! There’s only one bottle of mustard left, sitting amongst an abundance of other condiments. Weird. 

With a small frown, you grab it. It’s a monster brand, you can tell by the overly simple ‘Mustard’ label that human brands don’t do. Interested, you turn it over to see the ingredients. What kind of mustard is this? You are in the middle of trying to determine what one of the ingredients is when the bottle just disappears from your hand. 

…

What?!

You look around, eyes immediately locking on a very large monster standing only a foot or so away. How you didn’t notice his approach is a terrifying mystery. You should have noticed something that big approach you. The monster himself is…well, also kinda terrifying. A skeleton stands before you, tall and broad. His heavy-set form is covered by a black, fur-lined jacket over a dark red top. 

Yeah, he’s pretty freaky. You should be scared, right? Even if this was a human, it's not a good situation. Cornered at the end of an isle, alone with a being as big, obviously strong and stealthy as this monster is. Every instinct should be screaming. Right? 

But fear never comes. No, as your eyes zero in on the bottle of mustard in those huge hands, it’s not fear that overcomes you, but annoyance. 

“Did you just…?” You ask.

Crimson eye lights turn to look at you. “did I just what?” He says, voice deep and gravelly. 

“You-you took that from me.” You say, surprise making you stammer. “I was literally just holding that!”

He snorts. “ya snooze ya lose.”

…What?

You blink slowly at the rude response, feeling that annoyance quickly escalating in your body to full-on anger. Really? Is this monster really going to try to steal your fucking mustard?! 

Maybe, just maybe, if you hadn't been at the end of a long and stressful two weeks, you’d just let it go. It’s just mustard. Maybe he doesn’t understand basic social etiquette. Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s being rude. Maybe he needs it more than you. 

As it is, none of that matters. You don’t have a bone of patience left in your body. 

“What the fuck?!” You turn to face him fully, holding out a hand. “Give it back!”

The skeleton’s eye sockets widen slightly, before narrowing. He grins, showing off sharp teeth. “or what? ya gonna take it from me?” 

You try. Fuck, do you try. Without thinking, you lunge forward at the monster, hands open and ready to claw the bottle back from him. 

The skeleton lets out a surprised sound, lifts the hand holding the mustard higher, and that’s it. You just can’t reach that. Condiment fully out of reach, you collide painfully with his body. The force is apparently not enough to move him. You practically bounce off hard bones and onto your ass on the tiled ground. 

“Ow, fuck.” You grumble, any physical pain you might have felt being vastly outweighed by the sheer embarrassment that quickly fills your body. What the hell did I just do?! You can already feel the heat growing in your face. It definitely doesn’t help that the monster just stares down at you, a look of pure amusement on his face. Shit. 

As quick as possible, you scramble back into a standing position and try to fix him with the strongest glare you still have in you. Getting knocked down like that definitely puts a hose to your fire, but you can still try to hold onto as much of your dignity as possible. The glare doesn’t seem to do anything but amuse the skeleton further, if the widening grin on his face says anything. 

“yer not gonna win, sweetcheeks.” He says, bringing his arm back down. As you watch, he starts tossing and catching the bottle in his hand. Taunting you. Asshole. 

The demeaning nickname fulfills its purpose of another dagger into your tattered pride. “Fuck you.” You spit out, the only response you can even think of. 

Those red eyes look you up and down, intense in a familiar way that immediately puts you back on guard. You’ve seen that look before. Not on a monster, but still. Suddenly, you have a strong feeling that you know the type of thing he’s going to respond with. You practically handed the opportunity to that smug face monster. As said monster opens his mouth, you brace yourself for whatever rude innuendo he’s about to say. 

Bzzt. Bzzt. 

A phone vibrates, loud enough that you can hear it. The skeleton immediately freezes, free hand going to his pocket. He brings out a phone and holds it to…well…where an ear would be on a human. 

“sup.” He says casually. A loud voice comes through the phone that you can’t understand. 

The skeleton rolls his eyes. “patrollin’”

The voice on the other end gets louder, somehow. The skeleton winces, pulling the phone slightly away from his skull. “fine.”

Those intense eyes don’t leave you as he speaks into the phone. Unfortunate, as you definitely would have taken the opportunity to try for the mustard again if he got distracted. Anything to restore your dignity even a little bit. 

“Didn’t anyone teach you not to steal?” You ask, the moment the skeleton ends his call. 

“didn’t anyone teach ya not to mess with someone stronger than ya?” He responds, but he seems a bit distracted now. “well, this has been fun.” He continues. “but I gotta go.” With that, the skeleton turns and walks away. He casually tosses your mustard in the air a bit higher, definitely taunting you. 

Unable to do anything else, you flip him off behind his back, glaring at him until he’s out of sight. 

Grumbling to yourself, you finally admit defeat. Turning to the other condiments, you try to figure out any sort of substitute for your groceries. It takes you a bit, but you manage to figure it out. The whole skeleton situation puts you in an even worse mood, but the monster cashier doesn’t seem to even notice. The entire interaction is done with as little words as possible, and soon you’re headed back to the resort. 

You keep to yourself, quickly heading towards the elevator and up to your room. You stuff what you can in the minifridge in your room and collapse angrily on your bed. 

“Fucking skeleton asshole.” You whisper into your pillow. 

I hope I never see that fucking smug face again.

[Next Chapter]

[licollisa]

i’d love to hear your take on sans’ personality!

i was going through your whole blog (as you do) and saw ur post on how sans tends to be mischaracterized, but fanon takes are also very normal and generally just fine, and i agree - i feel like some amount of personal spin from the author is always expected (and keeps things fresh and fun to a degree), but i also feel as if sans is a somewhat tough character to actually pin down when you’re writing him, so i’ve similarly had to drop some fic when they stray too widely from my non-negotiable sans traits lol. (like Being Calm and unruffled. bc while some of that is depression, a large part of it is Just The Way He’s Built lmao.)

Oh for sure, I also have my own set of Sans mischaracterization pet peeves in fics (though I'd often look the other way if the fic is well-written because beggars can't be choosers, no writer owes anyone a perfect Sans voice, fanfics are for fun, etc etc. Hell one of my favorite fics of all time portrayed Sans as an asshole and I'm not complaining because good god the writing is just THAT delicious and I still can't believe I'm reading it for free).

E.g Sans calling another adult (often times the MC) with 'kid'. Or like I've mentioned on another post, if he's quick to anger or aggressive enough to attack at the slightest provocation. Sometimes it's not a case of mischaracterization at all, just something I personally can't read without feeling like a wet kitten (the next time I read an overused skeleton related pun I will escape my own and DIE).

I often theorize why this is a Thing. I yearned to understand why I'm subjected to read yet another skele-ton, tibia, humerus, funny bone pun. Maybe since Undertale was popular with a big ass fanbase, and Sans is like our mascot, so when you combine this with a majority of the fandom being in the younger side -- youths full of time and creativity and energy though lacked the writing experience -- what's left of our poor skeleton is a pile of flanderized bones. Which is often the case when you're young and you just started writing because damn that blue skeleton is too romance able to deny (want write... But HOW write???).

You thought of some of his traits you often see (ketchup, touch Papyrus and die, blue glowing eye, epic bones & blaster attacks, puns, depression, have I mentioned the touch Papyrus and die? Puns again, threats, the bad time catchphrase, so on so forth) and you use these as a guiding bible to writing Sans the Skeleton. Boom, Sans x Reader 200k enemies to lovers.

,,,Bottom line is, I'm kind of sure the tendency to mischaracter him stems from Undertale's popularity and the younger part of the fandom. That, or after all these years, people had simply grown to love and accept Fanon Sans in all his slightly unlikeable behavior glory (heartwarming). So the inaccurate potrayal is now, like, on purpose -- on top of fanon him being easier to pin down because the canon guy are too tricky to pin down, like you said.

From what I've seen though, the canon Sans starts to get the love he deserves again! All is good. Now I can read a Sans x Reader 200k enemies to lovers, but with the actual dude this time. Awesome.

Ight, that said. I legit also think people should write him in the way that makes them the happiest. Sans is fictional but your happiness isn't. Even if your Sans will finally be the one to prompt me to escape my own skeleton. Or your Sans is RABID and deserves JAILTIME and GROWLS and BARA. Go wild, be free, and more importantly, have fun! <3

[akwolfgrl]

How sweet it is to be loved by them 29

“Fine! If it's what you want, I'll happily slice you to pieces!” Zoro ran twords the clown and sliced therw him easily…maybe too easily. He was disappointed. He was itching for a decent fight.

“Wow! That guy was weak! Lame!”

“Oh my god!”

“He died really easily,” The crew began to chuckle around him.

“Zoro! Get us out here!” Luffy called out to him.

“I'm coming,” Zoro left the dead pirate on the ground and headed for the cage. He placed his hand atop the iron roof. “I need a key, I can't cut through iron.” Yet, he wanted to one day, Koushirou had said a true swordsman could cut through anything.

“Oh…”

The pirates began to laugh, and Zoro stared at them with confusion and concern. Had they lost their minds after losing their captain?

“The fucks so funny? Just give me the key so I don't need to fight you. If your captain feel so easily none of you stand a chance.”

“Their pretty weird,” Luffy agreed. “It's not that funny.”

Zoros haki flared a moment too late as a searing pain gripped his side as knife staped him. Sanji was gonna be pissed at him. He fell to his knees for a second before reaching for his swords, getting up into a crouch.

“Zoro!”

“What! That hand!” The other alpha in the cage exclaimed in horror.

“Damn it! What the hell is that?” Zoro pulled the dagger out of his side, a gloved hand attached to it. He swung his swords at the hand, turning his body behind him, his wound thorbing.

“The Bara Bara no Mi!” A voice came from behind him. He watched as Buggy came back together. “The devil fuirt I consumed makes your swords useless! No matter how hard, how many times you try to slice me, it does nothing!”

“Shit!” Zoro growled in frustration. He wasn't sure if his haki would be enough.

“His body just came back together!”

“That guy's a monster!” Said the alpha who was made of rubber.

“I see I missed your vital organs. What a shame. It looks like I need to stab you again and again until I get right. What say you Roronoa Zoro? Ready to make your mate a widow already?” Buggy grinned at him.

Zoro was careless. He knew the damn Clown had a devil furit, and yet he still underestimated him. Zoro still had to rescue Luffy, but the damn Clown was winning. He was seriously wounded.

“Captain, so cool!”

“Kill them all, captain!”

“Use the cannon again!”

The other pirates geared and egged on their captain.

“Stabbing someone from behind is a dirty trick! You stupid big nose!”

“You idiot! Anything but that!” The other alpha screamed at Luffy.

“Who are you calling big nose you damn bart!” Zoro watched in horror as Buggy shot one hand towards Luffy.

“Luffy!” He wouldn't make it in time to save him.

When Luffy raised his head, he had the knife between his teeth. “I swear I'm gonna kick your ass!” A flood of relief filled Zoro's body when he saw that Luffy was fine.

“You think you can defeat me? What a funny joke!” Buggy began to laugh. “Your halioris, you three are going to die right here! In fact!” Zoro watched as one hand lit the enmorass canon that was pointed at the caged alphas.

“Oh no! I'm too young and pretty to die now! I still have things to do!” The other alpha bemoaned her fate. While Luffy just laughed.

“You want to die straw hat? I want to know exactly how you're gonna kick my ass! You're tied up and locked up!”

“Zoro! Run away!”

“What?” Why the hell was Luffy telling him to run?

“Hey! Don't tell him to leave! He came to reauce you…and I also need it!” She had a good point…he didn't say leave him just to run.

Zoro grined he had an idea. “Ok.” He'd run and take the cage with him. He'd figure out how to get Luffy, and he supposed the other alpha out later.

“Don't think I'll just let go, Roronoa Zoro! I take your head and then I'll be the famous one!” Zoro ran as Buggys flying hands and kives attacked him, Zoro parried with his own swords. “The feared pirate hunter running away ha! Don't think you can escape Buggy!”

Zoro reached the cannon and slid under the opening and began to lift it above his head and flipped it over, facing the pirates. The fuse was almost up. He ran the rest of the way to the cage, Zoro lifted the cage and the two alphas up, the metal digging into his shoulder as screams of panicked pirates filled his ears.

[russenoire]

Getting to Know You Meme

tagged by @ygodmyy20! thankee kindly.

01) are you currently in a serious relationship? nope. can't say i miss it.

02) what was your dream growing up? i had a new one every month. the one that stuck around the longest was 'astronaut' until i learned that NASA's manned space program hasn't done much since skylab, outside of testing the limits of human endurance in low earth orbit. still cool! but i'll keep my unnaturally dense bones, thanks.

03) what talent do you wish you had? the talent to work any job i wanted without medication.

04) if someone bought you a drink what would it be? a cocktail of some sort. most likely a gin and tonic, a negroni or a mojito.

05) favorite vegetable? too many to count. easier for me to tell you what i don't like: green beans. if they're only palatable tempura-fried, i don't need them in my life.

06) what was the last book you read? currently working through your brain's not broken, by tamara rosier, ph.d.

07) what zodiac sign are you? virgo. and no, i don't wanna hear about how virgos are hyper-organized control freaks. i am neither of these things.

08) any tattoos and/or piercings? five in a single ear, one in the other. two make up an industrial piercing. i have no tattoos but want one of the kageyama brothers from mp100 someday.

09) worst habit? getting too hung up on the 'right time' to do things.

10) what is your favorite sport? to play? dodgeball. to watch? either figure skating or tennis.

11) do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude? recovering pessimist here. i'm optimistic about some things and nihilistic about others.

12) tell me one weird fact about you. i never learned to ride a bicycle.

13) do you have any pets? no. i love cats and regularly-washed dogs though.

14) do you think clowns are cute or scary? i don't have a strong opinion about clowns, tbh.

15) if you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? nothing. anything i can change is changeable.

16) what color eyes do you have? brown.

17) ever been arrested? nope.

18) bottle or can soda? bottle. though i don't soda very often.

19) if you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? pay off my student loans and save the rest.

20) what's your favorite place to hang out at? a vedanta temple in the foothills here, or a park on a hill with a historic frank lloyd-wright-designed home.

21) do you believe in ghosts? maybe. i know people who can see them.

22) favorite thing to do in your spare time? singing. or learning.

23) do you swear a lot? very much so.

24) biggest pet peeve? how long you got? we could be here all week.

25) in one word, how would you describe yourself? iconoclastic.

26) do you believe in/appreciate romance? *shrug* i believe in and appreciate love, wherever it comes from.

27) favourite and least favourite food? does anyone have a single favorite? anyone? i do not. least favorite food is canned vegetables, except for beets and corn.

28) do you believe in god? i believe in the divine, a Self that we are one with and all have access to. whatever you choose to call that is up to you.

29) what makes you happy: soft fluffy things, palpable texture in weaves and knits, sweet or creamy fruits, singing and/or listening to music, my friends, learning something new.

30) currently listening/the last thing you listened to: hiroko suzuki, 'bara wa utsukushiku chiru'.

31) favorite place to spend time: at home.

32) favorite lyric: 'love is like the scabs from sunburn' from the OP to kenda master ken.

33) recommend a film: at random? good morning, by yasujirō ōzu.

34) recommend a book: oranges are not the only fruit, by jeannette winterson; islands, the universe, home, by gretel ehrlich.

35) Recommend a band, a song, or album: uchikubi gokumon doukoukai, 'shufu no michi' (way of the house-husband)

36) recommend a TV show: rose of versailles. soapy as hell, but great if you love historical dramas and anime. it's fairly well-researched too.

37) where are you from, and do you still live there? Where have you lived? the pacific north american coast; i'm still here. i've lived in texas and georgia, USA.

38) do you have any pets or animals in your life? how did you find/get them? no pets.

39) what's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? bull penis. 0/10 do not recommend. the most unusual thing i've actually enjoyed is probably fried crickets.

40) how did you 'find' fandom? got obsessed with a story and wanted to share that love with other people. didn't happen until my mid-thirties though with steven universe.

41) make a list of 5 things that you see without getting up. a heat gun, a soldering iron that i have never used for actual soldering, the laptop i'm typing this on, the laptop connected to my projector, a plastic mask.

42) how do you style your hair? usually a tall bun. my hair is long enough to sit on and this keeps it out of my way.

as always, no pressure: @yaraneechan @eshithepetty @impmansloot @gumy-shark @sukunekatano

@cheese-enjoyer9471 @sulfurousmirrorscapes @creativenicocorner or anyone else who sees this and wants to!

[beevean]

Give each NFCV and Nocturne character ratings, as in scores :P

Why must you hurt me in this way.

Trevor: 7/10. A cliché personality, but enjoyable enough, and with a nice mini arc in S1. Too bad he was turned from protagonist to silly comic relief by S2.

Sypha: 5/10. She's supposed to be the plucky innocent girl, but she's just too rude and insensitive, and not even by design.

Alucard: 1/10. A cunt with a bad boob job.

Dracula: 9/10 in S1, 5/10 in S2. He started out so well in the first episode, being actually the grief-stricken monster he was supposed to be... and then he became a Stupid Old Depressed Man for the sake of propping up Carmilla. bruh.

Lisa: 4/10. Way less likeable than she appears. She's condescending towards the peasants she supposedly wants to help and she doesn't give a single shit about her only son, even preferring to let him grieve the death of his parents.

Hector: 8/10 in S2, 5/10 in S3, 2/10 in S4. Started out as a promising character with an unique worldview and genuinely morally grey. Became nothing more than a punching bag for Ellis, losing his personality and dignity in one fell swoop. Will always be remembered as the dude who fell for vampire pussy. The way he was written in S4, which was supposed to "fix" him, makes me want to destroy a house by punching it.

Isaac: 2/10. He gains some points by being the only character with a coherent character arc, even if rushed like hell. But he's still a pretentious prick who got unfairly sucked off by the story and nowhere near as "deep" as his fans tout - he was just lucky to be the only character written with respect in the shitstorm that was S3.

Carmilla: 3/10. She's like Mephiles and Starline all rolled into one unlikable OC villain who only exists to paint Dracula in a bad light. She seems like a mastermind manipulator only because everyone around her lost IQ points exponentially. She became utterly irrelevant after S2 and had a grandiose death for nothing. She could have been much more, but this is what happens when a sexist pig writes a radfem villain.

Lenore: 1/10. That one point is because she had the potential to be an interesting, fleshed out antagonist with again an intriguing grey morality. But she had the misfortune of being written by a hack who can't give his characters a consistent personality and a sex pest with a clear dommy mommy fetish, so she became rape apologism bait and now she pisses me off at sight :D

The Lesbians: who?/10. Waste of good character designs. At least Striga was used for Berserk bait.

The Japanese not-twins: 0/10. Completely pointess torture porn fodder.

St. Germain: 8/10 in S3, 5/10 in S4. Pretty enjoyable in his first appearance, and surprisingly faithful to the game counterpart in spirit. I didn't even mind his descent into villainy, in theory. But let's just say that his motivation is... lacking. and hilarious.

Death: fuck/10. He's the ShTH of NFCV.

Richter: 6/10. Not too bad? I don't understand the hatred for him. He's perfectly inoffensive, if not bland. The only line that made me go "bruh" was him correcting the girls about the meaning of "fraternity" lol

Maria: 4/10. This is not a character. This is a parody of a communist teen on Twitter.

Annette: 1/10. As I said multiple times, she doesn't feel like a character, but as carefully engineered rage bait.

Tera: don't care/10.

Abbot: 4/10. I would care about his conflict more if he wasn't the stupidest man alive. Also his Devil Forging machine sucks ass.

Cecile: 3/10. Maybe don't teach your student that she is perfectly in the right in looking down her white French friends...?

Edouard: WHEN I'M LAID/10.

Olrox: 7/10. As for now, he's fairly interesting, mainly because of his intrigue. A bit too try hard, though.

Bara Agent Stone: bro really was shocked at the abbot having a child when he was happily sticking his dick in a male vampire/10

Sun Thundercat: 0/10. By far the worst villain I've ever seen in any kind of story.

Tiddied Isaac: 4/10. I would like her more for her unapologetic style (calling it "personality" is a stretch) if she didn't expose the sheer hypocrisy in the fandom :^)

[4fter-hours-archive]

━━ ✦  ( @never-surrender ) one papa magnus coming right up

❝ Elizabeth, ❞ Magnus's tone was stern as they stood in front of their neighbors door. His daughter had decided to tell him moments before they attended this graduation party where she had chosen to go to college. He had hoped she would have picked Berkley, Southern California, hell perhaps Seattle, something on the west coast where he could easily drive to see her if need be. Not the East Coast, not Boston. He hadn't even been aware she had applied for colleges on the East Coast.

❝ Pabbi, það er bara Boston. Það er ekki svo langt, bara flugferð. Ég kem heim í fríið og í vorfrí svo við getum farið í einhverja leiki. It'll be fine! ❞ She rolled her eyes as she knocked on Mikayla's door, shrugging her fathers concerns away.

He couldn't help it, after her mother and twin sister died in labor, he clung to Elizabeth with every part of his being. Maybe it would be a good thing that she was going across the states for this. ❝ We're talking more about this later. ❞ He conceded as they waited for Mikayla.

❝ Yes. Pabbi. ❞ Another eyeroll from his teenager.

[deaddoveadventures]

🥀 romance headcanons

tagged by: @undyingmedium ((thank you so much I suck at romance so this was interesting to fill out)) tagging: @windwithinmyveins @springvaletales @astralfox0893

name: Curumë

nickname: He doesn't really have one ic

gender: Male

romantic orientation: Pansexual

preferred pet names: He doesn't like receiving pet names, but he will dish them out. They are all meant to tease in some way, like adding "little" in front of someone's name or profession.

relationship status: single as a pringle

opinion on true love: "Love will be love. It comes it goes, nothing's built to last forever. Rather than looking for 'true' love I prefer taking whatever love I've got and enjoy it to the fullest without questioning it too much. What's the point in spoiling the feeling."

opinion on love at first sight: "Some certainly manage to catch my eye at first glance and it'd be a shame to miss out on them." <- ((fuckboi statement if I ever heard one))

how ‘romantic’ are they?: I wouldn't call Curumë romantic. If you get into a relationship with him it's more like a thrill-seeking rollercoaster (yes I am aware of the red flags). He likes relationships that have friction. Nevertheless, I think if he settled with someone he really cares about there would be moments of sweetness, oddly quiet moments that are actually spent in earnest and he'd value them very highly. He'd also respect his partner deeply.

ideal physical traits: Smaller than him, dexterous, and sporty. Has a bit of muscle and knows how to fight. He thinks freckles or beauty marks are cute. Same with curly hair. However, he also does appreciate long, well-taken care of hair. Either eyes to get lost in, or eyes that have a fiery spark in them. Dimples from laughing a lot. Slender fingers and hands.

ideal personality traits: Feisty, wild, untamed. Can rival his stubbornness. Can rival his chaos with their own chaos. Doesn't pry, and enjoys their own freedom just as much as he does. Self-confident and headstrong. Selfless. Thrill-seeker. A partner in crime so to speak.

unattractive physical traits: Frail and weak, unsporty, dull eyes, and on men he dislikes beards and "bara" body types a lot.

unattractive personality traits: Too much selflessness, self-righteousness, religiousness to the point of fanaticism. Goodie-Two-Shoes. Martyrs, and "Heroes". Cruelty without reason, self-love, and arrogance without having anything to back it up. Hypocrites.

ideal date: Honestly, I hate to admit it but at this point, getting into a passionate argument and agreeing to disagree while having hate-sex. (He is not a healthy partner we all know.)

do they have a type?: Yeah I guess any other rogue-ish type and rebel

average relationship length: Short. Maybe a maximum of half a year. But if he finds someone he truly loves and cares about I can see it last for multiple years, though, maybe on an on-and-off basis.

preferred non-sexual intimacy: Being close to each other, just spending time together doing whatever. Standing close to each other, even without necessarily touching. Wrapping arms around their partner from behind. Ruffling each other's hair. Forehead kisses. Spooning in bed if they are serious about it.

opinion of public affection: "Hells yeah, everyone should know about us and we should be an eyesore to look at."

past relationships?: The more I wrote about Caydranth I think he had a crush on her to be honest. I can't help but feel he did. Also, he had various flings in the past. A lot of these flings hate him because he is somewhat of a fuckboi. One time he got serious about an elvish rogue from a rival gang, who ended up betraying him. That kind of burnt him. But he also kind of thinks it was a clever move. He has issues. He still admires her for being clever, but they haven't seen each other since that day.

[tiredofpeoplebutstilllovethem]

Stranger Things and QSMP Crossovers

I had this idea for some reason about Steve being Tubbo from QSMP. Don't know why just do and I found a post where Steve is a year younger a Senior when The Party is on their Freshmen year and confused the hell out off the Hellfire Club about them interacting with Steve, or maybe a Age Swap AU where the adults are the same instead the kids are the teenagers and the babysitter club including Argyle are the kids.

This happened when the Eggs are still missing so, maybe it goes like Cucurucho and the other Admins sees Tubbo as threat even though they blackmailed him many times, he stills trying to break the rule of the Server, maybe they create like a way to permeant kill/kick Tubbo out of the Server and he can't come back to the Server. But Fit or any member of the QSMP heard this plan and warn the others, so they hatched a plan to protect Tubbo, while the said child is just minding his own business making a machines from the create mod to build a mechanic for mining since it's a need off fixing. They tried the teleport waypoint but, it doesn't work because the Federation shut it down and because they are in the edge from where Tubbo is, they quickly running to his house.

Tubbo who in discord hear their frantic screaming getting closer to him stop at what he is doing and see the whole server using their handglides and with the help of the Kapi bara's from the wall to him and Cucurucho did a Dr. Strange move and divide Tubbo souls from his body and the QSMP member watch in horror as Tubbo's body flop to the ground in Cucurucho arm, they immediately tries to get his body back and succeed and put him in bed to be keep watch the Federation hand and try to bring him back.

Enter Tubbo then wakes in a hospital with a bandage on his head and two people he doesn't know and realizes he is a 6 years old?! and was given the name Steve Harrington and apparently the year is 1972, he was in the hospital because he slips and hit his head hard on the concreate floor when he and his presentably best friend Tommy and Carol we're playing chase Steve then get into sports and secretly mechanic as much as he can since it's the only thing that remind him of his family back at the QSMP hopping to find a way to get out of here into his own year and out of this person body soon, as time pass on Steve slowly forgets about the QSMP members and his loved for mechanic because of his parents keep reprehended him at 'a Harrington is into business' not this honk of junk!' and keeps piling him with to do list, and leave him alone in the house while they are somewhere doing business' so he teaches himself on how to house chorus and taking care of himself.

So then everything went as the canon Stranger Things till S4 with Steve remembering who he was and slowly gets back at loving mechanic and machinery, while trying to get back home, but is torn apart between being here with the new family he had found or just going back to his waiting family and are his family in the QSMP still waiting for him or did they lose faith in him waking up?

And the Party group finds out about Steve past as Tubbo and asking questions about what is like there and so on so forth.

Oh and maybe Steve can see into his inventory and the bag he carries around is the bag that he uses in QSMP so he can stuff as much as stuff as he wants and only him no one else, he can just make things appeared out of nowhere and just making anyone thinks he is just like El/Jane. And maybe The some of the QSMP members manage to get to him and a fight for his custody ensue.

[2tiredgal]

Looking for someone 18+ to play any Papyrus or Sans! Most AUs welcome! Bara Sanses are so very welcomed!

■If this interests you please message me on discord! My username is 2tiredgal■

I got a cute mix of an idea I want to do. I love Underswap Papyrus and I thought it would be cute to do some skelepreg/family fluff with him. Papyrus will be the one pregnant. I would say they're a bit older and all the resets are done for good. Our characters really want to have kids and have also been together for quite awhile. They've tried and tried with no success which has upset Y/C greatly, but one morning while getting ready Stretch sees well he has an ecto-belly and there is two little souls floating in it. Yep! He's pregnant with twins! This will be a cute fluffy kind of Roleplay and maybe a little bit angst with Pap's remembering the resets and probably a little on edge about it happening again and losing their babies. Anyways! They'll have a girl and a boy! We can come up with names when you connect if you want!

Pics of babies when born-

Reference to Stretch (Yes he has freckles scattered all around his bones somehow, they're just too cute! He has them all over his body along with the nasty scar / crack along his ribcage from the resets. It goes from his left shoulder down to the end of his right rib. He even has a tail, just a longer tail bone lmao);

------

It was really hard seeing his partner so upset like this. "We can just keep trying. I know it'll happen soon." He always reassured his lover with a tight hug. Having kids meant so much to them and it was difficult watching the continued fails they were having. It wasn't his partner's fault. His soul had been damaged from the resets which he knew was the reason why this wasn't working. It was all his fault. The next morning was the same routine. Y/C checked and nothing was there, he grew upset and Stretch comforted him. He continually started to feel worse each time this happened. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He murmured holding his lover tightly to him. It made his soul hurt so much.. All he wish he could do was take this pain away.

It was an hour later and Y/C had gone down to start their breakfast while Stretch got ready for his shift. His fingers grabbed the bottom of his black tank before he pulled it off and tossed it aside. Sighing he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked exhausted. The emotional mess he had become had thrown off his sleep schedule majorly. Sighing he shook his head and went to take his shorts off so he could shower but something caught his eye. "The hell-?" An ecto-belly? When the hell did he get-… He froze as the palms of his hands settled on it. Wait. Wait. His soul practically jumped out of his chest when he saw the two little souls floating within it. He was pregnant. Tears formed in his eye sockets. "Ba-Babe!" He called to him as loudly as he could. They had to see this!

[fighting-these-demons]

Another AU idea :

What if instead of Yus*ke dying it was Ke*ko?

(Whoops. Forgot the Read More earlier.)

Her death was just as unexpected and she's given the same option.

What if the timeline of events was slightly different?

To give Yus*ke powers I'm sure they'd have worked together and found a way to convince Koe*ma that Yus*ke's Spirit Energy should be unlocked for him so that they can work as partners.

What if the connection between the Kuw*baras and Spirit World and Makai is brought into greater detail and Kaz*ma still ends up joining her? (Although tbh Kaz*ma would follow Yus*ke to Hell and if Ke*ko is going Yus*ke is definitely going so that might not be necessary)

What if the story was Yus*ke and Kaz*ma being her sidekicks and she was the main character?

What if her very first mission was to rescue Yuk*na?

What if H*ei and Kur*ma still joined the team? But out of order.

H*ei sees them saving Yuk*na and helps during that mission and decides to kind of hover around in the shadows checking in on them all and helping occasionally.

Kur*ma still organizes the heist but instead of H*ei, who he's seen working with spirit world agents he just convinces some other demon into doing his bidding.

Forlorn Hope situation pans out the same essentially and Kur*ma helps set things right and joins from there.

And then we have the G*nkai training arc where Ke*ko convinces G*nkai to train Yus*ke too and she convinces Yus*ke by not being entirely honest about how difficult it is.

She says that it's the most difficult experience that she's ever been through (and with the team forming missions so far: that's saying something!) , but that it was entirely worth it and that Yus*ke will need the training for future missions. Ko*nma and B*tan agree so Yus*ke eventually relents and agrees to do the training too.

And that's all true.... She just conveniently leaves out the horror stories so that Yus*ke actually agrees. 🤣 She knows in her heart that if she can get through it that he can get through it too. She's always looked up to him for his strength and resilience and his willingness to put himself in harms way to protect the people he cares about (granted that's basically just himself his mom and Ke*ko but still, Ke*ko knows his heart!) so she doesn't feel too torn up about the omission.

Yus*ke's pissed during training of course and gives Ke*ko an earful when he gets back. 😂 But he's also happy to join her in bragging about his new abilities to Kaz*ma.

Little does Yus*ke know or expect that G*nkai will be training Kaz*ma eventually too. 😂

Ke*ko has a feeling that it's important to G*nkai that she trains Kaz*ma but Ke*ko's not quite sure why that is; other than maybe G*nkai seeing a lot of promise in Kaz*ma.

Heck Yus*ke would have been the second choice. His spirit power is MASSIVE as a result if his -unbeknownst to him- demon heritage.

Ke*ko is definitely behind in a few areas but she manages to get through everything because it's my au and I said so dangit! Maybe she has a secret powerful priestess lineage lost to time or something that helps her out Spirit Energy-wise sort of like Kag*me in In*-Y*sha.

ANYWAY.

G*nkai stays as an alternate and coach for the Da*k Tourn*ment.

There's probably more areas with plot divergences and the like but I wanted to write this down before I lost it

I just liked the thought and wanted to share.

It's a Yuki*iko Kuw*meshi and possibly Kuwakinakeikomeshi YuYuP*lycule situation for ships.

[spacedoutman]

Never too young to die | Oc X Velvet von Ragnar (Part 1)

Penny. The disappearance of the love of her life never stopped haunting top-secret agent Helena “Leni” Hé. What happens when the ghost of her past comes back to not only haunt her, but put everything Leni had ever fought for on the line? What happens when that ghost is the psychopathic Velvet von Ragnar?

Can she stop herself from falling for her again?

Gonna start posting parts here after arguing with people on Facebook.

Warnings: Dark subjects such as abuse, addiction and mental health struggles.

Where would that girl end up? Hopefully, whatever happened, it would be the best it could possibly be. Leni’s mind whisked her away like a hurricane. Penny. Maybe her name would change at some point, right? Maybe, she’d wind up in a prestigious college and move on to never worry about anything again.

Maybe, hopefully, she could use dollar bills as makeup wipes and reassure Leni there was a lot more in the bank and that there was nothing to worry about.

Click. The door pulled Leni’s hand like it was its life mission to slam. Leni fought a war to ease it shut. She locked it. Her heart almost burst from her chest like a bullet. Of course, she had no problem with that. Penny didn’t look like a penny. Leni turned around. There was no way in hell she looked like a Penny.

The dim overhead light touched her features, reflecting her dull eyes and dying her smokey eye-shadow brown. Her white teeth shone between her full lips as a hazy grin ran across them, emphasizing her smile lines. What would her eyes look like if they smiled too? Penny looked more like a Theodora, Evangeline or Maria. If she were a Theodora, her nickname would be Theda.

She looked nothing like Theda Bara. Hell, she should’ve been standing in the driveway of a gilded mansion though, not some dumpy gas station bathroom. Penny’s features were far softer than even Leni’s warm gaze. She’d definitely look stunning in some of Theda’s outfits, that was for sure. Maybe she moved like Theda too. Quiet humming took over. Leni’s heart still rushed with adrenaline.

Penny somehow looked exhausted. Leni cupped her face and pulled her over. Her lips against Penny’s was what heaven was. The smell of lavender conquered the slight hint of mold.

Penny melted into her. Leni grasped her shoulders and pulled her in more. Closer was written all over Leni’s mind. Fire raged in their kiss. Leni’s hands raced through Penny’s curly jet hair. Penny’s arms hung loosely around her neck. Time stopped. Mint overwhelmed Leni’s taste buds in the best way possible. Leni would never pull-

Penny pulled away. Leni cupped her face. Penny’s eyes hung half-shut as she gazed through her thick lashes. Her brows drew together slightly and her lips rested parted. She was drunk on her presence. Leni’s head spun enough to erase the stained up white-ish and brown walls. A soft grin spread across her face. “I just wanted to let you know how beautiful you are.”

Penny looked down for a moment. “I had my eye one of those blue sparkly cars outside.“ Penny said a bit absentmindedly. “You know, those fancy ones?”

“Is that your way of telling me you love me?” Leni teased, Penny gave an airy giggle.

“We’ll definitely get married next then.”

Married. That word sent a slew of happy memories through Leni’s head. Like, running her hands through Penny’s hair even when it grayed, or taking her sweet little honeysuckle to any city she even mentioned. Penny blinked long and slow. Leni couldn’t wipe away her grin. “But wait.” Penny’s eyes widened a bit. She looked down and to the side, her brows pressing down.

“No way. If we did, everyone would be able to tell we were a couple. Our names sound too alike.” She mumbled as if it were the second coming of Jesus (or third).

Leni giggled. She tilted Penny’s chin up. Penny looked up at her, her smile faded by now. “That doesn’t matter.” Leni shrugged. “If we went somewhere far away from here, it wouldn’t even matter. Plenty of Pennies and Lenis hang out all the time.”

“That’s true, Helena, but wouldn’t it raise a lot of suspicion?”

“Just as much suspicion as us being in this bathroom together.” Leni replied, matter of factly but still playfully. “The way I look at you has probably given us away.”

Penny looked down with a little smile. Leni’s hand slid, stopping at her upper arm. Penny leaned into her touch. “Every time I look at you, I hear an angel’s chorus.”

“I can say the same for you.” Penny looked up at her. “What would we do after we got married?”

“What married couples normally do.” Leni joked. “But the rest? We’ll figure it out.”

“Take it day by day.”

“Yeah...” Leni reassured in a dreamy sigh.

Penny rested her hands on the rim of the bathroom sink and sat down. Leni looked up at her. Penny sighed, looking away at nothing. Her pupils unfocused. “There’s not enough room for me.” Leni said playfully. Penny scooted—Leni moved her right back, eyes still wide. “Don’t hurt yourself!” Penny burst into chuckles before looking up at the ceiling and sitting against the mirror.

“I’ll never have to visit another art museum, I can tell you that for sure.” Leni said with delight, stepping beside her and sweeping up her hand (carefully).

Penny looked down at her before bursting into chuckles. Music to Leni’s ears. Leni joined her gladly. “I don’t think anyone’s going to notice our absence.” She shrugged. “We could stay here all night.”

“Does anyone really come in here?” Asked the concerned Penny.

“Drew probably would.” Leni joked. If Penny were drinking something, she would’ve spit it out.

Penny smiled and raised an eyebrow as if she were reprimanding her. Leni rested a hand on her jaw, caressing her cheek with her thumb. “Don’t you have curfew?-” “Curfew my ass.” Leni scoffed. “I’m twenty something and still crashing on mom’s couch.” Leni’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh,--speaking of!”

Penny leaned close. Leni laid the tip of her pointer finger on her chest and pushed her back gently. “Wait.” Leni cooed. “Better yet, close your eyes and give me your hands.” Penny looked away and closed her eyes. She raised her hands. Leni opened her palms and reached into her oversized leather jacket. Penny shrunk a bit.

“Are you getting me a lighter?” Penny huffed, trying to pull a hand away.

“Even better. Cigarettes for days.”

Shiny pearls clicked as Leni laid a what, two or three-hundred year old necklace?, in Penny’s palms. She closed her hands carefully and eased them against her chest. “That feels weird.” Penny whispered humorously… but maybe a little awkwardly.

“Open your eyes.”

Penny looked down. Her jaw could’ve hit the floor as she gasped. “I don’t believe it! You know how much your mother values this thing-”

“I know.” Leni assured, anger sprinkled into her calm voice. “She’ll grieve more than if I got into some freak accident. But as this point, I think she deserves it.”

Leni waited for some optimism to leave Penny. Penny held the necklace close to her chest. She closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath of the crisp air. “Well, if some freak accident happens, you can count on me to hold it dear.” Penny said in a honey-drenched voice, quiet enough to be a whisper.

“You know if you sell it, you can get a place out of here.” Leni said quickly.

Penny held it tighter. “You won’t ever have to worry about any of those pricks again.” She grew assertive. Her chest tightened. “Not only that, you can get your ass to college and-”

“Leni.” Penny’s little voice rained on the flame. “Everything’s okay.”

Leni’s expression softened. “You’re right.” She bit her lip. “It is okay.” Penny leaned in. Leni cupped her face. She glanced at the necklace which shone like stars in the light. Penny clutched it tightly, yet her hands were as gentle as a dove’s wings. Leni’s shoulders drooped. She looked away for a moment before composing herself.

She rubbed Penny’s cheek with her thumb. Penny closed her eyes, savoring her touch. Leni leaned in, planting a little kiss on her nose. Her thumb hit something rough. Leni forced herself to look. A couple band-aids clung to Penny’s cheek. Only two showed themselves. The rest were hidden under Penny’s sweater. At least there weren’t as many as typical.

Hopefully, there wouldn’t be as many bruises this time either. Leni felt as dizzy as she would if she spun. She closed her eyes before-

Leni yanked the glass off the nightstand. Her lungs collapsed as she heaved for air. Her hands shook like mad as she raised the glass to her mouth. Her gasps echoed like her head was a chamber. She chugged. The water failed to help her dry throat. The glass slipped from her hand, crashing against her leg then rolling off and onto the bed.

Darkness touched the pretty neat room, melting it all into an ugly blur.

Where did that girl end up? She could still see Penny as well as she could a picture. Leni rested a hand on her chest, slowing her breathing and closing her eyes. She laid her head back. It was just as easy to remember her trembling hands as she sat on the sofa of that old trailer, waiting for the effects of whatever her mother took to sweep away her grief.

Leni wiped the tears from her eyes. Another deep breath. She’d be lying if she denied feeling a leftover bit of that dread every time one of those blasted memories rolled around. She climbed out of bed. The thick blankets rolled off her. She pulled herself over to the window, taking the dramatic curtains and sweeping them open.

Golden lights shone like stars as they lined the yard. The pool water shone deep blue, touching the cobblestone pavement around it. The moonlight clung to the neatly placed pool chairs, reflecting off the silver grills and shining through the umbrellas that shielded the spotless glass tables. Lush rose bushes watched behind the white picket fences. She breathed deeply, swearing she could smell them from here.

Penny would smile. Why was she still thinking about Penny-

“Mom?”

Leni lowered the magazine. The sun beat down angrily. She looked up at Cliff through her sunglasses and smiled happily. Neon green and purple pool noodles were stuffed under his arms. “I’m going to do something crazy.” He said, bursting with confidence. Leni grinned widely and nodded.

“You know what?”

“What?”

Leni rested an arm on the arm of the pool chair and shut the magazine. “Don’t forget the propeller you were building.” She said playfully. “I think it’s in the garage.” He nodded as if he were taking notes.

“Alright, see you, mom!”

“See you, Cliff. Good luck!”

Cliff gave a rushed nod and scampered off. Leni opened the magazine and looked down. She couldn’t get the grin off her face. Helena “Leni” Hé had seen more than her fair share of things as a top-secret agent. But she’d won in life. She’d succeeded. She had her son, her mansion and hella cash. So why was the memory of Penny, the girl that disappeared all those years ago, still haunting her?

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

MONSTERS DON’T DO BACKGROUND CHECKS - 3/?

-UFSans x Reader

Chapter One(Tumblr)

Chapter One (Ao3)

Summary: Moving across the country and starting your life anew on the basis of a rumour may not be the smartest thing you’ve ever done…but, well, you’re here.

If only you could stop running into that asshole skeleton, life would be pretty good.

Tags: underfell au, bara Sans, afab reader, enemies to lovers, fluff, eventual romance, eventual smut, slow burn, swearing, alcohol, smoking, past abuse, plot

Notes: Currently at 87k words and 12 chapters on AO3.

Chapter Three: Monsters Don’t Lose Bets

You are not at all hungover the next day; no headache, no nausea, nothing. Maybe you’re a bit dehydrated, but after last night that’s just a small consequence. It’s a relief really, considering your early shift, but also super fucking weird. What you are, however, is absolutely exhausted. So you stand at the reception desk feeling like a zombie and stare into space. 

It’s too early in the morning for any guests to arrive, so it’s just you and the janitor in the lobby. The janitor -some sort of gooey monster that makes just as much of a mess as he cleans- hasn’t exactly been receptive to your attempts to chat. You’re starting to think it's more that he doesn’t speak at all than anything else, as ever since the monster staff got the fifteen minute break, your area has been practically sparkling and if there’s ever a mess, he’s right there. 

You watch him work absently, and with nothing else interesting to focus on, your tired mind starts to relive the party. Damn. Such a weird night. A good night, for sure, filled with a lot of laughter and fun. You definitely made a few more friends, which is a great thing for your social life in Monstertown. But, there were definitely some odd moments too: walking home with Undyne, sharing your lighter with Sans on the balcony and…well, whatever the fuck happened in the kitchen. 

As the memories play in your mind, you feel like almost cringing into yourself. What the hell had you been thinking?! Many of the shitty decisions you made last night definitely wouldn’t have been made if you were sober. Okay, sure, you might have gone up to Sans and tried to mess with him a bit at work, but that is nothing near to actively antagonizing him and putting your hands on him. Not to mention drinking out of a random solo cup? Just how invincible do you think you are?! Who knows what the fuck was in there?! Sure, it turned out alright…but it easily couldn’t have. 

You swallow, mind going off in a tangent of ‘what could have happened’. As much as you want to completely trust BP and Guy, you’ve only known them for a few months, and you literally just met the other monsters at the party. You were lucky, really. Lucky that either nobody wanted to hurt you, or do anything worse.. BP’s words from earlier flicker through your brain. 

“You have no idea just how lucky you are, little buddy.”

Letting out a long sigh, rubbing your face as you try to push your circling thoughts from your brain. No. You’re definitely going a bit too far in the other direction now. Sure, you made some dumb decisions…but that doesn’t mean anyone was necessarily out to get you. You’re allowed to trust in people. You have to be a bit smarter in the future, but you don’t want to close yourself off to people. That’s not going to happen again. You came here to live , not to become a damn hermit. 

Something that Undyne said on the walk home sticks out in your mind. 

“Wait. Did you really not do a lot of research before moving here?”

You really are walking around here with blinders on, aren’t you? When you moved to Monstertown, you didn’t really do much research, other than basic etiquette and where to apply for a job. It had felt odd to you to look into any specific monsters in the area…considering everything. The only monsters you really knew beforehand were Mettaton and the monarchs, but, well, everyone knows them.

Pressing your lips together, you open up Goggles on your work computer. Chandace wont really care. You type in ‘Undyne’ and hit search. 

Wow. Her face pops up immediately, along with a Wiki page. You stare down at the computer in surprise. So, you really should have known who she was beforehand, then? Shit. Is she famous or something? You click on the wiki page. The page that comes up is not huge by any means, but the information on there is shocking. 

Undyne (birthdate unknown) is a known monster, currently serving as the Captain of the Royal Guard, under its king, Asgore. 

Well, shit. You click on the link for ‘Royal Guard’

The Royal Guard are an elite group of monsters dedicated to defending monsterkind and protecting the King and Queen. 

Your hand shakes a bit. That’s who you were walking home with?? Likely one of the strongest monsters? The damn Captain of their Royal Guard?!

…no wonder Sans seemed a bit worried to see her at the party.

According to the Royal Guard page, most of the members are still active, but only a few are ‘known’ outside of monster society. A small section below is titled ‘Notable Royal Guards’. There are only a few names there: Greater Dog, Papyrus and RG02. 

Greater Dog…?

You think of Lesser Dog at the party. The little pup who cuddled in your lap and whined for treats. There is no way…right? The same part of you that kept you from doing research beforehand screams at you not to look any further; you wouldn’t want people looking into you, right? But…well…last night proved that you maybe need just a bit more information if you want to live here unscathed. 

You click on the link, and prepare yourself for heartbreak. The page that comes up is both a relief and a concern. That’s definitely not Lesser Dog, thankfully, but the fact that you are now staring at a picture of a different dog in really buff knights armor remains confusing as hell. How does that even work?? There isn’t much of a bio for Greater Dog, it just states the name and that they are a member of the Royal Guard. 

Deciding to think a bit less of that, you go back to the previous page and click on an unknown name. 

That's…a skeleton. Huh. Well, definitely not Sans. This monster is tall like Sans, but definitely a lot thinner. He’s, uh, actually kinda terrifying looking, with the scars over his eye and scowl in every photo. It’s kinda like taking a photo of Sans into photoshop and just sharpening him 100%. Are they related? Hm. You blink. Wait…is it, uh, speciesist to assume the skeletons are related? Shit. 

This monster, Papyrus, has a much bigger bio than Greater Dog, or even Undyne really. Apparently this thin skeleton is also a…lawyer? Well, he'd certainly intimidate you in a court. Hah. He seems to be the main lawyer at all the different Monster Rights court cases, defending and advocating for monsterkind and the monarchs. Even his picture at the top right is him in court, standing straight up at the podium pointing at something out of frame. 

From there, you kind of end up on a bit of a deep dive into monster rights. You’re surprised to find out that monsters don’t legally have everything yet: the right to marry, the right to vote, the right to own land outside of Ebott, etc. You really had thought that they were much closer. Guys’ comment on monsters being unable to buy alcohol rings a bit differently now. Shit, it seems like even the smallest thing is a fight for them. 

Eventually, a guest does come up to the reception desk, so you have to exit your search. As usual, the moment one guest comes, they all do. It’s never in a nice, even fashion. So, you are busy for hours. Ugh. It does die down a little bit after noon, so you pop into Chandace's office and let her know you're going on break. The hand monster looks busy at her desk, and just waves a finger at you silently -you still haven't really figured out her motions- so you shrug and assume thats a 'go ahead. 

On your break, you take a walk through the park, hoping the fresh air will help calm your mind. As you turn the corner, your eyes immediately focus on the spot that you were humiliated for the second time with mustard. If I had a nickel for every time I embarrassed myself over a condiment I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but its weird that it happened twice. Luckily, the area is empty: no stand and no skeleton. You don’t think you’ve seen the guy or stand return to the park since. 

The memories of last night's actions come back full-force. You slow to a halt and look up at the sky. Even taking away the riskiness of your actions, they were still embarrassing as hell. Rude too. Shit. Should I apologize? Despite being an asshole, he dealt with some random human stealing his alcohol and putting their hands on him pretty well. He had plenty of opportunity and motive to hurt you, and also noticeably didn't push you off the balcony. And if the skeletons are in any way related, Sans could have friends/family/something in high places. 

Letting out a deep breath, you look back in front of you and resume walking. An apology might be taking it too far, especially considering the guy still is an asshole. But, neutrality maybe? That could be good. Hm.

You think about that a bit as you walk back towards MTT Resort. As it starts to loom above you, you find yourself slowing. It’s such a nice day, and you really don’t want to go back. Unfortunately, you do have to work to live and too soon you are at the door to the building. You take in one last breath of fresh air before grabbing the handle to go back inside. 

“Hey! Punk!” A familiar voice.

You pause, looking around. It’s Undyne. Captain of the Royal Guard , Undyne. Shit. She’s marching towards you. You immediately freeze, mind focusing on things you’d rather not: her muscles, her sharp teeth, the obvious strength she has in every movement, and the way she could easily disembowel you. All the fun stuff.  

“Uh, hi Undyne!” You smile, words maybe a bit shakier than intended. 

The monster stops in front of you, narrowing her eyes. Then, she smirks. “You looked me up, didn’t you?!” When you just nod sheepishly, she laughs loudly, hands on her hips. “You know, if I wanted to kill you, I definitely would have done it last night. Not now-”

Okay…true. That makes you calm a bit. 

“-not that anyone here could stop me-”

Great.

“-I mean, you’re just one weak little human. The fuck would you do to stop me?!”

…  

“You little shits have nothing. No magic, no claws, no muscles-” She rants, her eye a bit unfocused, as if she’s not even seeing you, but others. 

“Undyne.” You interrupt, watching as her gaze immediately locks back on you. Spooky. “That’s, uh, really not really helping right now.”

“Hah! Right.” She grins, and you get the feeling that she definitely enjoys that she’s freaked you out. “Anyways, yes, I wanted to ask you something!”

…

Oh, she’s not continuing. You prompt. “Uh, go ahead?” 

“Let’s exchange numbers.” Undyne commands, not asks. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a phone, hitting a few buttons before shoving it towards you expectantly. Pinned under that gaze and feeling incredibly like prey, you really don’t have another choice. Taking the phone from her hand, start to add your contact information.

“Undyne!” A new voice calls. Looking up, you’re surprised to find the voice coming from a smaller voice further away: a yellow lizard looking monster with glasses. 

“Aw, shit.” Undyne mutters, a weird nervous energy to her all of a sudden. She practically shoves the phone back into your hands. “Gotta go! I’ll text you. You better text back.” 

…and she’s off. As quickly as she came. You watch as she quickly makes her way over to the other monster before stopping beside. The lizard monster turns to look at you for a moment, but with the distance and those large glasses, you have no idea what expression they have. You give a small awkward wave, but the monster turns away. 

The two walk off. You watch them until they disappear around a corner and head back into the resort. You head back to the reception desk. It’s maybe half an hour later when your phone vibrates. 

New Message

[Unknown Number] Hi Punk!!!!!! 

With a small smile, you quickly add her contact in and respond. 

[You]: Hi Undyne : )

[Undyne]: It’s Undyne

[Undyne]: The fuck?!!!! How did you know????!

You chuckle, and respond. 

[You]: Lucky guess.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

2 Weeks Later

Undyne proceeds to message you at least once a day after that. It’s surprising, not just in how chatty the fish monster is, but as to how mundane the topics are. They are pretty surface level; she mostly chats about her day, asks about yours or goes on surprisingly sweet rants about her girlfriend. You had wondered at first, if her getting your number was some odd attempt to get information or something out of you. Not that you had any information that couldn’t be found online. But the idea that Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard, just wanted to chat seemed…impossible. 

Why talk to you ? You have no idea. Certainly there must be more interesting people around her. Despite thinking about it for a long while, you can’t really come up with any reason why the Captain would want anything to do with you. Part of you wants to just ask, but the larger part doesn’t want the answer. Even if you are right, and she really is trying to get something from you…you’re not certain that you really care.

After all, you’re getting something from this too. You’re getting a type of interaction that you didn’t realize you were missing. It’s just…nice to talk to someone like this. BP isn’t one for small talk, and you realized quickly that you didn’t actually get any of the other monster’s numbers at the party. But here is someone who is just willing to chat. You wonder if, maybe, this could grow into some sort of friendship. A transactional friendship, possibly, but one nonetheless. 

Sort of friends with the Captain of the Royal Guard. Holy shit. 

It’s been about two weeks since the night of the party, and honestly, you have pretty much moved on from it. Of course, remembering your stupidity will always bring back a pang of embarrassment, but with your new lease on life to be smarter, the odd texting with Undyne, and no skeleton sightings, you really haven’t had a reason to relive the memories anymore. 

So, when you’re wandering around alone at the park on your break, and you see a familiar stand set up, you are pretty surprised. 

There he is, as massive as usual. He looks almost asleep, leaning against his hand on the stand with his eye sockets practically closed. 

…

Shit. What was your plan here again? To somehow become neutral with this monster? To try to smooth things over and not be on his bad side? Right. And how the hell did you plan to do that? Taking in a small breath, you text the only two people you think could have any input into this situation. 

[You]: Hey, Sans is back at the stand. Should I go try to smooth things over with him? 

Copy. Paste. Now just wait. 

The responses come surprisingly quick, your phone vibrating twice in your hand. 

[BP]: what? Fuck no

[Undyne]: Of course!!!! Don’t be a little bitch!!!! Be strong and forward!!!!

Well, cool, that was useless. You pocket your phone with a deep sigh. Okay, think. Do you even want to smooth things over with the guy? Eh. Maybe? It certainly would make living here easier, especially as he seems to be a regular around the area. Though, hypothetically, you probably could just try to avoid him for the foreseeable future. There’s no reason you have to interact with the skeleton. Maybe you can just…leave him alone and let things simmer down.

…no, that’s dumb. You’d be setting yourself up for a harder time for no reason. 

You look back over to the stand, startling slightly as you notice those eye lights staring straight back at you. Oh. He’s awake. His mouth ticks up into a grin, and you instantly have to fight off the urge to flip him off. This is going well already. You think sarcastically. 

You take in a deep breath to center yourself. Okay. You’re going to do this. You are going to have a good -or at least neutral- interaction with the skeleton if it kills you! Maybe it’s a good thing that he showed up today of all days. You had been planning on buying a quick lunch from the Emporium on the way back from your walk -the last of your groceries had been used for dinner last night- so you are pretty hungry. Maybe it’s finally time to try one of those locally famous ‘dogs. 

Swallowing your pride, you approach the stand.  

“back for another?” The skeleton asks, not moving from his lazy stance. 

Shit. You forgot just how much seeing this guy's skull and hearing his voice immediately puts you on edge. Ugh, this isn’t fair. 

“Can I have a ‘dog?” You ask, attempting a polite voice and even a small smile. Hah! Success! 

…

The skeleton seems fully awake now. His eyes are fully opened, giving you a surprised look that you don’t fully understand. 

“Uh…hello?” You prompt, using your best customer service voice. Don’t fail me now.

The grin returns, and he looks as if he’s figured something out. Uh oh. “arn’t ya missin’ somethin’?” He drawls. What? When you give him a confused look, he continues. “an important part of a request.”

It takes you only a moment for his words to click. Immediately you feel your back straighten. Oh, fuck you fuck you fuck you. “Please.” You say through gritted teeth. 

“sure, since ya asked so politely.” He chuckles, reaching into his cart for the food. “lemme guess, lotsa mustard?”

“Just the regular amount.” You grumble. 

He thankfully remains silent as he puts together the ‘dog. It only takes a moment, and soon he’s holding out a normal-looking hotdog with a normal amount of condiments. You can’t help but feel a bit suspicious as you take it from him. Staring at it for a moment, you take a small bite. 

Oh. Shit. Everyone was right. 

The flavour immediately hits your tongue. It’s good. Really good. Better than any hotdog has the right to be. Must be the magic. Letting out a small sound, you take another bite. 

“ya really like that ‘dog, huh?”

You look back up, catching his amused expression. Shit. Heat fills your cheeks and you flip him off, swallowing the bite in your mouth. Well, the attempt at smoothing things over is officially ruined. You’re already resorting to your own ways. “Fuck off. Who wouldn’t like a good ‘dog?!”

He hums, leaning back on the stand. Those eye lights look you up and down.“im more of a pussy guy myself.”

…uh, what?! You stare at him, feeling like an electric shock goes down your spine. The fuck?! The moment only lasts a second longer, as that intense look leaves his eyes, his grin sharpens and he points down at the sign. 

You follow his pointing finger, reading the sign. On the sign, just underneath ‘dog is… ‘cat. 

….

Hot cat.  

…

Shit. The sharp sound that forces its way out of your mouth is a surprise, and the continued sound even more so. That dumbass joke hits you probably much harder than normal due to the ridiculousness of the entire situation. With your free hand, you cover your mouth, trying to stifle the unexpected sound. 

Sans stares at you, also apparently not expecting that reaction. It takes you only a moment or so to get yourself under control, and your laughs turn into an awkward cough. You look back up at that pleased expression and for once don’t feel the urge to escalate the situation at all. In fact, now is probably a good time to leave.

“Uh, well, I gotta go back.” You mumble, starting to step away when you remember. “Oh shit. How much is it?”

“two.” 

Well, that’s reasonable enough. You reach into your purse with your free hand and grab a two. It’s only as you’re passing it into his -massive wtf- outstretched hand when something else pops into your mind. “Wait. Did you really up-charge me eight for mustard?!”

That smug look returns. He shrugs. “well, ya paid it.”

“Fuck.” You mutter, dropping the money into his hand. “I guess I did.” 

There is a moment of silence as he slides the money into something on his side of the cart. “Anyways, uh, thanks for the ‘dog.” You say. “So, yeah…bye then.” What the hell was that?!

“bye, sweetcheeks.”

You give him one last glance before walking away. The nickname surprises you. Not that he said it, but that it didn’t feel like an insult this time. This time felt...different. 

The ‘dog is half-way gone by the time you reach MTT resort. You walk in and head straight to the Emporium. Even if you’re not buying something, you plan to spend the second half of your lunch there with the cat monster. You don't have enough snark in your life, apparently. 

“Why even ask me?” BP mutters as you walk up to the counter.

“Huh?” 

He looks down at your ‘dog. Oh…

“Uh, sorry?” You smile sheepishly. “But you were right! They’re really good!”

“...did you smooth things over at least?” 

You blink. Did I? Honestly, you’re not too sure. At the very least, the end of the conversation wasn’t horrible, you think. You do feel better than before. 

“Uh, maybe.” You mutter. “But anyways, enough about that! Any other monster food you think I need to try?”

The cat monster gives a long-suffering sigh, and allows you to change the topic. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

1 Week Later

Sans doesn’t return. 

It’s not that you think you have any sway in the skeleton's life, really, but something about the last interaction had you fully believing he’d show up more often. So when you walk into the park and see no stand day after day, you can’t help but be surprised. It gets to the point where you ask BP about it, but the cat monster only gives you an odd look and asks why you even care. You…don’t have an answer to that. 

Why do you care? Why are you looking? Why does it even matter? You’ve already done your job of trying to make things as smooth as possible with the guy. Honestly, you’re not entirely sure it can be anything more neutral with both of your personalities. The last interaction showed that. So, now you can just go about your business as normal. 

…maybe this is the universe telling you to just mind your own business and move on. 

Which, fair enough universe, you agree. So, you actively stop looking at the spot where the stand was when you walk through the park, refuse to think about the party or the damn joke or the way he said ‘sweetcheeks’ and just…move on.

Life goes by normally: you work, snark with BP and text with Undyne. The fish monster has gone back to Ebott, but continues to text you every day. It’s been almost a month now, and the topics remain surprisingly normal. You find yourself really starting to hope that she doesn’t have any underlying plans. God, you’ll feel like such an ass if she does. 

Another person you get to text now is Guy, which is exciting. The bunny monster is always such a delight. It took a while to get his number, you had to practically jump in on BP’s phone call with Guy to get it. While the cat monster was quick to get the phone back and hold it above his head, he wasn’t quick enough to cover the microphone. Once Guy knew you wanted his number, BP pretty much had no choice. 

You were smug about that little victory for most of the week.

So, yea, life is going remarkably smoothly. Which, of course, is when something has to change. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You’re at work, as usual. 

It’s a hot day outside, which normally doesn’t bother you -it's nearing the end of summer, so you’ll take whatever heat you get- as MTT Resort has great temperature controls. It’s probably necessary due to the different needs of the guests. So, normally, even if it’s hot as hell outside, you’re safe and cool here. But not today. Not today, when the air conditioning is down. Not when the entire building feels like it’s melting. Not when guests are almost planning a revolt, and honestly you’re right with them. 

“It feels like I’m back in Hotland!” The monster in room 402 screams at you through the phone. You grimace and hold the phone a bit further from your ear. 

“Yes, I understand.” You reply. “We’ve called someone to fix it. They will be here soon.” You look at the front door. Please be here soon!

After another few minutes of ranting and you are able to hang up. Shit, it’s times like this you wish the monsters were still too shocked to speak with you. Ugh. You take another sip of -sadly lukewarm by this point- water and wipe at the sweat on your forehead. This fucking mechanic can’t come soon enough. 

As if you summoned someone, the front door opens. You straighten up, leaning forward as you wait for whoever it is to come in. Please be the mechanic. Please be the mechanic. Please!!

…

The fuck?! In walks probably the last person you expected to see right now. You blink a few times in confusion as the large skeleton walks in through the door. 

Sans looks just as you remember him, even still wearing that damn jacket -which… how?! He looks around the lobby lazily for a moment, before his eye lights land on the reception desk. He seems to almost straighten up, heading your way. 

“The fuck have you been?” The words are out of your mouth the moment he walks up.

He grins. “what? miss me?”

“Absolutely not.” You deadpan. “I was just wanted some pussy.” The words are out of your mouth before you even get to think of them. Your eyes go wide, and your cheeks turn red… i’ll blame that one on the heat.

The skeletons' eyes also widen at your words, and he lets out a loud laugh. It surprises you, along with a few monsters milling about in the lobby area who had started to look a bit concerned. “fuckin’ hell, sweetcheeks, ya really don’ got a filter, do ya?”

“Shut up.” You grumble, rubbing at your cheeks and willing the red to go down. I really do! Just…not around assholes like you, apparently. You don’t speak your thoughts. After a moment, the laughter dies down. 

“So, uh, what are you doing here?” You ask, changing the topic. ”Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hell in here right now. The air conditioner’s down.” 

He raises an eyebrow bone. “im gonna fix it. what’s it look like?”

You blink. “Uh. You??”

“the fuck does that mean?” He frowns, tensing. You can practically see his metaphorical hackles rising. Ah. Shit. Yup. That was definitely insulting. 

“No, sorry!” You raise your hands up in a placating gesture. “I meant that you work at the hotdog stand. There doesn’t seem to be many uh…transferable skills?”

His shoulders drop. Crisis averted. “nah. that’s my side gig.”  Huh? 

“Side gig?” You ask. “So…your main job is…”

“a mechanic.” Sans shrugs. “cars, motorcycles, hvac, generators, elevators…anythin’ mechanical anyways.”

“Oh.” You reply, surprised. “That's…pretty cool.”

“Sans, you’re here. Finally.” Chandace pops her…fingers out of the door, interrupting whatever the skeleton was about to respond with. Shame, because the look on his face is something you’ve never seen before. The expression clears quickly, as he turns towards Chandace. 

“yup.” 

Chandace sighs. “Follow me.” 

The two monsters leave without another word, Sans following Chandace down the hall towards the back rooms. You stop watching as they round a corner, turning back towards the lobby. Oh. Uh… The few monsters in the lobby stare at you. You’re used to the staring, of course, but something about this feels different. 

The phone rings, you’re saviour from this weird moment. You quickly reach down and pick it up. “Thank you for calling MTT-”

“IS IT FIXED YET?!” A voice screams at you loudly through the receiver.

You look at the Caller I.D: room 402. Damnit! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes a long time before anything changes. Long enough that you answer two more calls from room 402. Long enough that the heat in the lobby becomes almost unbearable. Long enough that you say ‘fuck it’ to whatever Chandace is going to say and start figuring things out on your own. 

Not that you can do much, exactly. Your break might be coming up but you know better than to leave early with Chandace still in the backrooms. No, you have to wait here. All you can do is work with what you currently have, and what you have is a professional long-sleeved shirt and long pants. With one last look around the -quite empty- lobby, you start peeling it off, grimacing as the sweaty skin underneath is exposed to air. 

It feels a bit weird to be shirtless in the lobby, but you’re wearing a sports bra underneath -thank god for laundry day. It’s a nice sports bra, and has quite a long band at the bottom. It’s fine, practically like a cropped tank top or something. Chandace can kiss your ass if she tries to write you up for this. Next, you roll up the bottom of your pants as much as possible. 

Well…it’s something. 

The very few monsters in the lobby give you wide-eyed looks as you fix your clothes, but don’t say anything. They look away once you stare back at them. Otherwise, it’s business as normal. You still don't feel good in the heat, but it’s slightly better than before at least. 

Maybe thirty minutes later, a mechanical sound echoes through the walls in the lobby. You startle slightly, looking around. As you listen, you start to hear the whirring sound of the air conditioning blades in the vents. Oh my god, I feel like crying. Not that you feel anything right away, in a room this big it’ll take a while before the temperature actually starts changing. Hopefully the rooms will be a bit quicker for some of the guests. 

You call Room 402 and let them know the air conditioner is back up -as requested. The guest is suddenly extremely kind and soft spoken, to the point that you start to wonder if you’re calling the right room. You check the caller I.D two times before just shrugging and letting it be. 

It’s as you are hanging up the call that Chandace and Sans return. They walk in silence down the hallway, both pausing at the reception desk. You only get a second to see Sans’ surprised expression as his eyes fall on you when the hand monster speaks.

“What are you wearing ?!” She demands, fingers going down to a fist. 

Prepared for this, you respond. “I’m wearing something that I’m not gonna melt to death in.” 

“That is not dress code.”

“So write me up, but I’m sure there’s some human law that you’d be crossing.” You bluff, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “I’ll put the shirt back on once the temperature gets to a reasonable level.”

…

“You are lucky you’re good for business, human.” She mutters, turning to walk away. 

Huh?  You look at the skeleton, pointing at yourself. “I’m good for business?”

…

“...Sans?”

“uh…heh…” The skeleton shakes his head, unfocused eyes closing for a second. “what did ya say?”

The hell? You tilt your head and look at Sans. “Are you okay?” Is the heat finally getting to him? A few small red sweat beads have appeared on his skull, and his cheekbones look a little red. “Do you need water or something?”

 “im fine.” He mumbles. 

“Alright, well…thanks for fixing the air conditioning. Seriously, it was absolute hell in here.” You smile, really meaning it. The cold air feels like it's already reaching you, though that might just be a placebo. You don’t really care. It feels good. 

“right, yea. whatever.” He responds, sounding distracted. There is a long pause, where you could swear he mutters a quick ‘fuck it’ to himself, before he speaks. “when’s yer break?”

You’re a bit thrown by the sudden change in conversation. “Uh, anytime I guess, now that Chandace is back.” A pause. “Why?”

“i don’t wanna leave ya hangin’. ” He looks away, not meeting your eyes. “come by the stand.”

…You feel like you’re missing something. “Huh?”

Finally he looks at you, that grin back on his face. “lets get ya that pussy yer after.”

Pfft! You can’t help but bark out a laugh at that. A hotcat then? You have food already prepared for your break but…you can’t deny you’re unbelievably curious. “Yeah. Sure. When are you there next?” 

“i gotta drop stuff off at home first so… ” He looks at his phone. “...less than five minutes?”

You’re sure you heard that wrong. Five minutes?? That's not possible, unless maybe he has the stand already out there and waiting…but it wasn’t there yesterday. When he doesn’t correct himself, you speak. “Didn’t you just say you have to go home first?”

“yup.”

“Even if you lived in the park, that’d be practically impossible.” You frown. 

“oh yea?” He grins, leaning against the counter. “wanna bet?” …The flashback to the night of the party is very unwanted right now. 

You swallow, pushing that aside. “Hm. Bet what?”

“i’ll be there before ya get there.”

Well, shit, you’re not in the business of turning down bets you know you’ll win. “I’d take that bet.” You smirk. “But you gotta be completely set up before I get there.”

He shrugs. “sure.”

“What do I get when I win?”

“a free hot cat.”  It’s not much, but you accept it. A free lunch is still a free lunch.

“Alright, sure. What's in it for you then?”

“a drink.”

Huh? You wait for something to come after, but he just looks at you. Those intense red eye lights staring straight into yours. “You…asking me on a date Sans?” You ask, trying to keep your tone as light and joke-y as possible. 

“fuck off, of course not!” He straightens up, voice growing in volume. You're surprised as he starts to ramble. “they’ve just banned me from the bar here, and this city got no grillby’s-” 

…Okay, so…he wants you to…get him into the MTT Resort bar? You can do that. That’s not impossible. You shrug, interrupting him. “Sure, a drink it is. You’re not gonna win anyways.” 

He blinks a few times, before that relaxed grin returns to his face. “we’ll see. we startin’ the timer now?”

“Hm.” That seems unfair. “I’ll start moving once you leave the resort.”

That grin sharpens. “ya make it too easy, doll.” He steps backwards, lazily turning on his heel to walk towards the front door. “see ya soon.” 

You dutifully wait until he leaves before quickly logging out of your account on the computer. You know you’re going to win this. It’s literally impossible for him to get to any home, put away his stuff, get back to the park and fully set up a hotdog cart before you cross the street. Still, his confidence shakes you a bit. You find yourself rushing to Chandace’s door, peeking your head in and telling her that you’re going on break. You don’t even wait for a response before rushing out the door. 

The terrible habit that you’ve picked up of not looking both ways in crossing the street is actually a benefit now, as you book it across the empty pavement into the park. A few monsters give you odd looks as you speed walk through the park towards the area you know the skeleton sets up his stand. You turn the corner -

…

He’s there.

You pause, feet skidding to a stop as you stare. What the fuck?! The skeleton is already looking your way, prepared for your arrival. He grins, waving his fingers in the air. 

Completely bewildered, you walk up to the stand. “But…how?”

He smirks, eye lights looking you up and down. “told ya.”

“That’s not an answer…” You grumble, placing your hands down on the stand to look at him with narrowed eyes. The skeleton remains tight-lipped, just seeming amused at your weak attempt at intimidation and eventually you just give in. “Fine. You win.” You sigh, stepping back. Never let anyone say that you’re a sore loser. “So, when do you want that drink then?”

That gets a different expression. For a brief moment, he looks almost panicked, before he schools it back to regular. “not yet, doll.” He says. “i’ll let ya know.”

“Whatever, Mr. Mysterious.” You sigh, rubbing your face. Taking a moment, you look over the sign. “Well…I’m here. Can I have a ‘cat please? Oh, and do you sell cold drinks? I’m thirsty.” 

Sans looks like he’s about to say something, but stops himself. Instead, he reads off a small list of drinks he has in his cart. You pick out your favourite and watch the skeleton work. It doesn’t take long, and soon he’s passing you a drink and the ‘cat. 

Oh no. It's adorable! You stare down at the ‘cat in absolute joy. Honestly, it looks just like a hotdog, but with little ears and feet and…is that a tail? How the hell do they make these??

Sans chuckles, bringing you out of your reverie. You look up. “Shut up, it’s cute, okay?”

“sure, sweetcheeks.” He responds. 

You take a bite, surprised to find that it somehow tastes even better than the ‘dog. What? There’s an additional flavour you can’t exactly put your finger on, but it just pulls everything together. It reminds you of…home…weirdly. You’re not entirely sure how that works.

“aw, no sounds this time?”

You flip him off immediately, glaring at him as he snickers. He doesn’t say anything else, so you get to finish the bite in relative peace. “So…you’re a mechanic but you just moonlight as a hotdog stand guy?” 

“yup.”

“Why?”

He seems surprised by the question. “why else, gotta get money somehow.”

“Hm.” You hum as you take another bite, waiting until you swallow before continuing. “I would have thought that being a mechanic would be enough for the bills?”

“maybe for a human.” Sans says. “monsters don’t really have many mechanical things t’ fix.” At your confused look, he continues. “without cars, ya really only need a mechanic when somethin’ doesn’t work, right? how often does that happen?”

Oh…right. “I guess that would slow down business.” You agree. “I hope MTT Resort is paying you well for that at least. You pretty much saved the business.” 

He shrugs. “most of it will be goin’ to my bro’s school.” You straighten, ready to ask a probably too nosy question, when he continues. “why do ya work at fer the robot anyways?”

The question completely turns your focus away from what you were going to ask. Work for the robot…? Oh. Mettaton. Right. Technically, you suppose you do, though you’ve never met or even seen the guy. 

“Why else?” You smirk, repeating his words right back at him. “Gotta get money somehow.” 

Sans eyebrow bones raise, before he chuckles. “fair ‘nough.” 

It looks like he might ask another question on that topic, so you quickly interrupt. “Oh shit, right. How much for the uh…hotcat?” 

He shrugs. “one.”

“Wait, it’s less than a ‘dog?” You ask. He just shrugs again. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, you grab a one from your purse and pass it over. As he's putting it away, you come to the realization that the bet and transaction are over. That's it. You're free to turn around and spend your break elsewhere. No need to remain here with the smug skeleton. But...

I…kinda don’t want to go back. The thought is a surprise, but not wrong at all. It's your break, it's nice out -the breeze cuts through the heat well-, and somehow you are having a surprisingly good conversation with Sans. Hm. Fucking weird, but true. Maybe thats your cue to leave, though? Leave on a high note, before things sour? You look down at the 'cat in your hand and think that its probably the best move.

Still, you find your feet unable to move. Instead, you lean against the cart, already opening your mouth to ask another question. “Soooo, what job has the worst customers?”  

Sans looks surprised that you’re still here, which…fair. “the mechanic job.” He answers after a moment. 

That's surprising. “Oh yea, why?” 

“harder to tell ‘em to fuck off when they’re payin’ the bills.” 

“Makes sense.” You nod sympathetically. “Hm…I bet I have a story that can beat any of yours though.” 

“what? fuck off. no way.” The skeleton shakes his head. 

“No no, I’m serious.” You say, waving your hand in the air. “Let me say mine, and then let's see if you can beat it?”

“you’re on.”

[Next Chapter]

[tripstitan]

Can't Be Sure When They'll Hit the Mark

What, you thought I was done with the reference? Strap in and buckle up kiddos and kiddettes and mein kinder, hermosas, hermanos, y hermanes y amigues, all you guys gals and non-binary pals, you dudes, dames, and everything around and in-between.

You're all -Seen-. If you know what I mean. No, seriously, don't think that you're not, that I'm just blowing smoke up your rumpus mcmuffin. My series, AAoMM (An Age of Mysterious Memories, free on Royal Road) is to prove just what I'm saying.

Reggie and a heaping helping of the cast are agendered, or aroaces, or all of the above, or one of the three. Plenty of rainbow fam and queer cuties across our giant umbrella of lgbtqia+ amongst the cast, main and side. But those are just -traits-, not the entire person, persona, or character. You are more than just one of your traits, or even a few traits that seem to dominate your life. That's what this whole journey is about, this thrill ride of acknowledging people all over every spectrum, and acknowledging chronic illness, mental unwellness, mental health coping mechanisms and support networks, and so much more. Reggie's a survivor, in more ways than one. Dealing with panic attacks? It sucks. It really does. Some of Reggie's motivations are trauma-informed, and even they don't acknowledge it. Let's just say that there's a reason that they lean more and more into their role that everyone keeps thrusting on them, "Hero." Reggie's no hero, they'll admit it themselves, hell, they're worried that morally they might just be a villain, or the villain, but heroing's a job somebody's got to do if everyone's going to get a chance at a happy ending. (Not like that, you pervy goobers, those of you that jumped into the gutter. Read more for some cute images at the end.)

We're six thousand pages into an epic tale that is more stream-of-consciousness exploring-the-human-condition through dialogue and mental monologue, than the grand fantasy adventure backdrop it's painted against. It'll probably be about nine thousand pages by this time next year, and maybe the series will reach what I'm hoping will... well, let's just say I hope it continues to provide what it needs to provide for those that need it. Whether it's the escapism of the fantasy, the acknowledgement, the adventure, the camaraderie, the falling in love with the characters, the references and easter eggs and dig-your-teeth-into-the-foreshadowing I've built up as a web that I've plotted for thousands of pages for the analytical amongst us that love to find all the ways I've hinted at things since literally "Day One." (If you're interested in Day One, and the first few confusing days of Reggie's life, check out An Age of Perilous Prologues, yes, my prologue is over one hundred pages, and has a bunch of systems-info, but it also has the formative moments and development of Reggie's main panic trigger traumas. Nothing too content-warning'ish, cutesie wild-animal attack in a wilderness survival drama, it shouldn't be too unexpected for a reader that goes into it.)

There are so many things I want to spoil to you peeps, but I'll just leave you with some Lil and Lucky and the chapter snippet. I've rambled long enough.

Oh, right, the reference. Today's chapter title is "And Roll Out of the Skillet." (Yesterday's chapter was Save Rock if you're not a follower/hadn't seen my previous post.) Yes, there's a lot more than just one of these little portmanteau chapter titles or me addressing either the characters, or my readers, across my over five hundred chapter long series. I'll attach one that's kind of mean, but also funny.

(I'm so evil. But the chapter titles do actually make sense, so I'm not just being a dingus. I am a dingus, but I'm not just being one.)

Have some happy Lucky and happy Lil to balance things out. (Yes, Lucky's a shapeshifter, so he can technically go Bara-pup form, so these aren't entirely inaccurate representations.)

Lil's also a shapechanger, and almost as much of a goober as Lucky... maybe more of one.

[enmusasblog]

Sigur Rós släpper nytt studioalbum den 16 juni

Sigur Rós bekräftar idag att deras första riktiga studioalbum på ett decennium och deras åttonde album ATTÁ släpps 16 juni. Det är ett genomgripande vackert och intimt album innehållande 10 titlar inspelade på flera kontinenter - i bandets hemstudio på Island, de legendariska Abbey Road Studios i Storbritannien och flera studior i USA. Den första låten som släpptes från albumet, 'Blóðberg', släpptes i måndags och finns att streama nu. Få band skär igenom världens brus och distraktioner som Sigur Rós. På albumet ÁTTA finns ett nytt driv som kommer från nybildningen med multiinstrumentalisten Kjartan Sveinsson som är tillbaka i fållan – efter att ha lämnat bandet 2012 – tillsammans med frontmannen Jónsi och basisten Georg Holm. “With just the three friends in a room, letting the mood speak to them, they found themselves “just wanting to have minimal drums and for the music to be really sparse, floaty and beautiful,” förklarar Jónsi. “We’re getting older and more cynical so I just wanted to move us so that we felt something!” Kjartan Sveinsson håller med “We wanted to allow ourselves to be a bit dramatic and go far with these arrangements. The world needs that right now. It’s hard to describe, but for me everything is always open to interpretation. People can think and feel how they want.”  Albumet är inspelat på flera kontinenter, i bandets Sundlaugin studio på Island, legendariska Abbey Road i Storbritannien och ett antal studior i USA – ÁTTA är mer orkestral, och berör allt som har gjort Sigur Rós till en av de mest ambitiösa och hyllade band på senare tid, med nära tio miljoner sålda album. På ÁTTA medverkar London Contemporary Orchestra under ledning av Robert Ames och samarbetar med isländska Brassagat í bala. Det är blandat och co-producerat av en annan frekvent medarbetare Paul Corley, tillsammans med bandet. I en post-pandemivärld splittrad av krig, ekonomisk turbulens, kulturkrig och brutal splittring, ÁTTA känns som balsam och förenande band. “It’s what the music asked for and spoke for itself,” säger Hólm.“This record sounds like a SigurRós album, but it’s more introverted than before. It’s very expansive with this sound of strings, but it looks within more than outside.”Även för Jónsi, både Sigur Rós och ÁTTA existerar bara rent i – speglar tiden då vi kanske behöva dem mest. “When we do this, we always talk about each album as if it might be the last,” he adds. “We’re always thinking about climate change, doom-scrolling and going to hell. The world felt a bit bleak making this album, but maybe there is hope. When there is darkness, there is light.” Sigur Rós – ÁTTA Låtlista 1. Glóð 2. Blóðberg 3. Skel 4. Klettur 5. Mór 6. Andrá 7. Gold 8. Ylur 9. Fall 10. 8Sigur Rós kommer att fira ÁTTA med ett begränsat antal mycket speciella konserter med en 41 st stor orkester första gången i Europa och Nordamerika; alla konserterna sålde slut på rekordtid. Turnén drar igång på Meltdown Festival i Storbritannien på releasedagen för albumet 16 juni. Bandet kommer att uppträda med London Contemporary Orchestra, som också ackompanjerar dem vidare på deras Europaturné. De kommer sen att spela tillsammans med Wordless Music Orchestra i Nordamerika. Alla konserterna kommer att ledas av Rob ASmes.  För mer information om Sigur Rós: https://sigurros.com/ För intervjuer kontakta: Anette Ståhl / Enmusa Music, tel: 0707-180 120 anette@enmusamusic.com För mer information: Ulrika Hammar / BMG, tel 0705–295 312 ulrika.hammar@bmg.com

[faustocosgrove]

book(s) reading update

so both the nazi book and the new york times best sellers list fiction book are so bad that it was making me question my sanity so i went looking for a new book. a third book! maybe the third one will fix me. but i totally lucked out because during my search i discovered the website goodreads has both reviews and related books. and i found people in the reviews saying the same things i was thinking about both of the books so good news i’m not crazy.

so the third book i got is a medieval cook book. skimmed it. might’ve found all the funny bits already but even if these four recipies (three of which are for eggs) are the cream of the crop it’s still been a better book experience than the other two put together.

there’s a recipe with one ingredient. which is just fucking hilarious. it’s also a no pots or pan needed recipe. first you make a fire, then when it has become a layer of coals you stick a grill over it and place oysters on the grill. as far as i can tell the only point of this is to not get ashes on the oysters. when the shells start to separate they are done, pop ‘em open with a knife and slurp those bad boys down. this is such a bare bones recipie, like you don’t even need to hunt around in the forest to find a stick to grill the fish you just caught on. these bad boys are their own cooking vessel. that whole thing is fucking incredible.

but then it gets better. deviled eggs are a ye olde european dish! except instead of making mayo and popping it in the fridge you just sort of add the components of mayo to the cooked egg yolks and mix it all together fresh. so to the cooked yolks add a whole raw egg. like there is raw egg in mayo. and there’s spices and cheese like this is better than modern deviled eggs! and modern deviled eggs are already good!

you’ve heard of green eggs and ham, but have you ever had a green omlette? the lazy way of making this is to chop up a butt load of herbs and chuck it in the eggs but the preferred method is to add a little water to the herbs, mash them to hell, then strain the juice and add the juice to the eggs before cooking like a normal omlette. like that is some pinterest level shit.

ah yes, but if a green omlette isn’t your thing, would an orange omlette tickle your fancy? now remember, this is the mideval times. there’s been no columbus exchange, which is what i blame for teh criminal amount of swiss chard in these recipies. so without tomtoes and peppers, what do you think is in this thing? if you’re furiously googling for red foods that were in europe before 1492 you’d be wrong! because the thing that makes this an orange omlette is the orange juice! literally you’re supposed to pour orange juice in raw eggs, then cook them. if you’ve started screaming at the thought of this cullinary disaster, be at ease my friend. from what i can tell this recipie was developed specifically to be fed to whores and criminals. it was done so with the idea that crime and horniness were the result of eating too many spices and could be cured by eating non spiced food. so kellog trying to get people to eat corn flakes in cold milk was based off a mideaval food theory. so i guess it’s good to know that the man who brought us tony the tiger’s bara titties wasn’t a raving mad lunatic who got people to buy his stuff because they were so enlightened by the yogurt enemas. the thing is though, if i were arrested for horny crimes and the police were feeding me nothing but eggs mixed with orange juice i would be terrified out of my skull into doing or saying whatever they asked of me. props to mideval europe for tortuing people into behaving how they wanted by accident for once i guess.