#Maybe Moonstone will grow on me past Act 1

[thefloatingstone]

I was doing the "Just one more thing" style of gaming where I was at a point to finish off for the night but kept skulking around and such when Tav called me the fuck out

Moonstone: can we fucking go to BED already???

[cinnamonrusts]

together, we can make it out alive - 2

parts: 1

-- mentions of alcohol 

your issues with leon flare up at the worst of times, and you have a trip down memory lane -f!reader

(gif not mine) tags: @ayamenimthiriel​

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"Lieutenant!" you cried out and hobbled to your superior's aid as he backed into a wall. His hand was pressed against his wound and he threw his head back in pain but shooed you away when you tried to support him as he slid down to the floor. "I'll be fine! I'll be fine!" he huffed out in his typical annoyed manner, despite nearing death. "Y-You two need to get out of here... alive," Branagh added. "What about you?" Leon asked. The injured man raised a bloody hand and pointed his index finger toward the male rookie, "You save yourself," he coughed several times, "That's an order!" He dropped his finger and dug into his shirt pocked, then fished out a small notebook with a brown cover. Branagh leaned forward to hand the notebook to Leon, "E-Elliot, an officer here believed that there was a secret way out of here."

Leon flipped through the blood soaked pages and he examined the drawings that this presumably deceased officer drafted as Branagh explained. "I'd come with you two, but I would just slow you down." the RPD Lieutenant had accepted his fate that he wouldn't be going anywhere. "[Y/N]", he called your name and looked into your eyes when they met. "You take care of yourself, officer. You're a good kid. It was a pleasure being your Lieutenant." his pale lips turned upward into a weak smile.

His attention then turned to Leon, "Kennedy. Despite this being my last moments as your superior, I have one request of you." his eyes stared into Leon's, "If you see one of those things -- uniform or not. You do not hesitate. Do not make my mistake, you hear me?" The male rookie accepted this request and promised to do everything he could to keep himself and you safe. Branagh gave each of you one last handshake before he barked at you to go.

You hesitated because you felt that there might be more that could be done, but Leon pulled you along with him. Getting to safety was now the priority.

Your cheeks grew warm and your cheeks felt sore from the smile that grew wider as Leon explained. "You're too nice to me, Leon. Even after I picked on you all the time during school."  Earlier in the day the two of you had graduated from the police academy which was in a city far from both of your hometowns. Everyone in the graduating class decided to go to a local bar to celebrate the accomplishment you all achieved. Each of you had a story to tell and a lot of them were similar to yours. 

"Kennedy! You sly son of a bitch," you curse as Leon handed you a white, rectangular cardboard box. Leon smiled with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Open it," he whispered in your ear under the roar of the busy bar the two of you were seated in. When the lid was removed, the contents caused your eyes to sparkle in awe. Inside of the package was a silver bracelet with blue gemstones nestled in the center of each link. "I told you no gifts!" you yell at him and delivered a swift punch to his shoulder. Leon shrugged again, "I saw it at the mall, and it kinda just --- jumped out at me." he leaned over and his finger touched the jewelry, "I had to get it."

You were a girl from a midwestern city with big dreams of living it up in a city that was far-far away from Raccoon City's limits. The first few weeks of the police academy were rough, and you were skeptical if you wanted to continue on with it. You did not get along well with most of the other female recruits and struggled fitting in. That is until you met a swoopy haired male named Leon, who was paired with you one day and bonded.

 Leon was still leaned in close and you could feel your heartbeat in your throat. Unsure if it was your emotions, the alcohol, or a mixture of both but you felt like your entire body was a bright shade of red. "Say cheese!" a female voice yelled out which drew both of your attention front and center. A classmate pointed a Polaroid in your direction and was ready to snap a picture. You set your gift down on the bar counter and threw your arms around Leon's neck, then pulled him in close. Leon slinked his arm around your waist and held his pint of beer in the air. After the bright flash of the camera, the classmate handed you the photo and went off to snap more pictures. You took the square paper and shook it several times in the air. As the photo started to develop, you noticed how happy the two of you looked. "Aw! Look how cute you are!" you point out Leon's cheeky smile and giggled several times. Your giggles grew louder and louder, then turned into several snorts.

 Leon took you to his car and struggled with the lack of support for your weight. "You sure do handle your liquor better than me!" you giggled and poked his cheek several times. "Well, you also managed to get six shots of tequila into you before I drank my first beer." Leon leaned against the hood of his car and supported you with his knees. Your eyes first focused on his handsome face as you admired the way that he looked, and he did the same. You could feel your face grow red again, so you decided to change your attention to the darkened sky above. Leon's fingers grazed the skin of your arms which drew your attention back to him. His eyelids were half mast and he had a smile on his lips. "Leon, you're drunk, aren't you?" you ask, despite being heavily intoxicated yourself. "Maybe," he answers. He pulled you close to his body and you could feel his breath against your face. He kissed you and you kissed back. But when you pulled away from each other, you could see his moonstone eyes glow with the moonlight from above.

"I think you've had enough," Leon chuckled as he rested his hand on your shoulder but watched you guzzle down another shot of tequila. "Wait! Wait! I need the lime," you hurried a sucked on the sour citrus fruit and felt your face contort at the taste of the bitterness. "C'mon, missy," Leon took your arm and threw it around his shoulder to support your weight. But didn't expect it to be dead weight, because when you both stood, your body dropped like a stone to the floor with a thud. "Oh shit!" Leon cursed as he reached for your hand that flailed around in the air. "Are you okay?" he asked as he pulled you up, but you laughed uncontrollably. "I'll take that as a yes," he smiled and led you out of the building.

Leon's fingers continued to tickle your skin as they danced up your biceps to your collarbone, and his teeth pricked at your body simultaneously. His digits glided across your bone before they dropped to your exposed cleavage, you pulled away from him for a moment to get a breath of fresh air.

Leon was surprised when you did it. Your hand cupped his cheek and your eyebrows furrowed, "They're sending me back to Raccoon City," your happiness faded to a more somber mood. Leon took your hand in his and placed small kisses on each knuckle, "I'll come with you." Your instincts made you smile but your gut gave you a feeling that it was the alcohol talking and not the genuine Leon, which made you frown. "You always said you'd never want to live there," you finally spoke. "Yeah, but I didn't realize how I felt about you then." he continued to kiss your hand between words. You were almost certain now that it was the alcohol. "W-what?" your words stuttered.

You dribbled some hydrogen peroxide onto a cotton swap and attempted to get at Leon's wound from his open collar, but couldn't. "You're gonna have to take off your shirt." He nodded and slipped off his vest before he unbuttoned his shirt to slide it off. You could feel your hands tremble as you recalled the last time you saw him shirtless, but you snapped yourself out of it. This was no place to walk down memory lane. "This is going to suck, I'm sorry." you said as you placed the soaked cotton onto what looked like a bite wound. He jumped and cursed which caused a chuckle to bellow from your throat, "Okay Mr. Tough Cop Man, can't take a little peroxide. huh?" you joked. He didn't say anything beside a gruff under his breath. As you continued to clean his wound, you could feel your eyes take peeks at his chiseled torso, but mentally cursed yourself anytime you did. This seriously was not the place.

Leon stopped his kissing and now stared you in the eye, "I promise you that if I ever come to Raccoon City, I will tell you and we'll continue where we left off." He held out his pinky finger which linked with yours, "It's a pinky promise."

Leon pushed you behind him and took the lead down the hall. His gun and flashlight at the ready as the stillness of the night lingered in the abandoned station. As you followed him with your own weapon and light in hand, you noticed a wound on his trapezius and the fabric of his uniform still wet. "You should take care of that," you point it out. Leon hummed in confusion before he acknowledged the wound that you spoke of. He shook his head, "Don't worry about it." You ignored his words and pulled back on his shoulder, "Don't try to act like such a tough guy. We should do it before we carry on, there's some supplies in the locker room up ahead." You hobbled past him and lead him through the door. Leon closed the door behind you as you approached a locker and scrolled through the numbers to enter a code. "I always keep some supplies with my stuff, never know when you're going to need it." you ruffled through your bag and pulled out a first aid spray with some other supplies. "Should patch myself up too while we're at it." your finger pointed to a bench in front of you and told Leon to sit. "Shouldn't it be ladies first?" he asked as he sat and you responded with a, "Shut up."

 "[Y/N], about the last few months... I- I meant to reach out, but...-" he attempted to explain himself but you stopped him mid sentence. "Now is not the time, Leon." you turned to leave but he pulled back again. "What if this is the last time we are able to talk? We could die as soon as we walk out that door!" he yelled. Your eyes narrowed as you gave him a moment to express himself, "I-I met this girl back at home. I just got wrapped up in all of it and cut off a lot of important people," he ran a hand down the front of his face. "That's why I didn't show up on time! We-we broke up, I drank too much, then slept in... God, if only I came here..." he trailed off in his guilt. You felt some sympathy for your former partner, "It's probably a good thing you didn't come on time." you explained to him the weird things that had been going on lately. The weird cannibalistic killings, how shifty the police chief was acting, and how everything spiraled out of control. "This isn't how I expected my first day..." Leon sighed into a closed fist.

"One last thing," you picked up a can of first aid spray and sprayed the entire area with the green mist. "All done." you patted him on the shoulder and allowed him to re-dress himself. You lifted your injured leg onto the bench to assess the damage that shard of glass did, as you looked closer at it you could see the raw flesh that resided under your skin. Ouch. When you grabbed the peroxide, your hand met with Leon's, "Here, let me help you," he offered but you smacked his hand away. "I got it." your voice was harsh and you continued to treat your wound. Once you were patched up, you shoved the remaining supplies into your hip pack, "I'll still be pretty slow but we should be fine." you took a few steps toward the door but Leon pulled you back.

 You couldn't help but scoff, "How do you think I feel?! From what it seems like, my entire crew is dead! Then, "Mr. Rookie of the Year" strolls in from the shadows to save the day! I haven't seen you in years, Leon, years! You completely disappeared and then when I do finally see you, the fucking town is on fire!" you run a hand through your deranged hair, "I don't think I can do this." you lifted your pistol and pulled the hammer back to make sure it is loaded. "I should've just called in. Then, I could be miles away from this fucking place!" your anger came to a boil, "Then, you! How can you act so-so laid back! Ever since I met you! Always Mr. Cool Guy! This city is fucked!" Leon tried to hush your yelling before you attracted any unwanted visitors.

Your raised voice dropped to a louder whisper, "You promised me, Leon! You promised me that you would come back and when you did, you would tell me! You said we would continue what we started but no, I find out you're coming here by a fucking banner on the ceiling!" your finger pointed in the air. You closed your eyes as you decided on your next move, "I think you'll be better on your own." your hand turned the knob and you took a step out in the hall, "You think you can just come back here and act like everything is the same. Touch me like you did before -- I-," you don't turn around to face him, "I'll see you on the outside of this place." and left him with those words with a door slammed in his face.

[ailuronymy]

Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 19-27 overview.

Meta analysis of Erin Hunter writing tropes and trends, courtesy of two acclaimed e-sports commentators: 

“[Erin Hunter is] like, we need these characters to seem smart, so they will be the ones to call out all the bullshit. But they [the writers] don't go, wait, why is the bullshit even happening, it doesn’t make sense, and then write something better in the first place. I guess because we read these books on such a meta level so often, it really feels like watching one person play ping-pong against themselves, but one persona needs to look good so the other persona keeps giving themselves wedgies at the table and holding the paddle the wrong way. Which is... less impressive overall than just watching a nice normal game of ping-pong.” - S.

“Erin Hunter, about to self-own: I'm gonna pull what's called a pro-gamer move,” - K.   

“Literally! I can’t get past it. I know both players are you, Erin Hunter. I can see you putting on your dunce hat and walking to the other end of the table. You’re not tricking me.” - S. 

This week we’re discussing this chapter through these nine questions. Please feel welcome to do the same and @ailuronymy + use the tag #ailuronymy writing challenge. Happy reading and I’m looking forward to seeing your feelings about this book.

1. First impressions?

K. Oh boy. Lots of emotions, lots of rollercoaster moments. I'm actively hating the things that are happening, all the time, forever.

S. Mood. I would say actively detesting what's happening is the primary emotion now.

2. How did you feel reading this section?

S. Very much bounced between anger and frustration, with moments of genuine delight. Very much extreme ends of the negative and positive spectrum.

K. I don't think I've been more confused and full of pure venom in my life. As a writer I am appalled, and as a reader I am... so uncertain. The good bits were truly lovely to read, though. They made it feel worthwhile, when they shone through.

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why?

S. I think it's got to be the conversation with Heatherstar and Barkface. I think that most hooked me. I was also interested with the Flailfoot conversation, although I hated the turn it took. It will be different in my version.

K. Chapter Twenty is the one that actively had me yelling aloud. I was so ready for the Erins to make Tallpaw a tunneller out of sheer fear, and so to see the back-to-back catharsis of Heatherstar disbanding the tunnellers and then Dawnstripe being so A+... god. It got me good.

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

K. I honestly blue-screened throughout all of Chapter Twenty-Seven, the last chapter. Without anything happening at all,  I saw a swathe of unending, dull descriptive text and my mind just blacked out to save me from comprehending any of it.

S. Was that the moonstone one?

K. Nope, that's like, the very last chapter of our reading. When he leaves the Clan and finds some rogue cat to lead him in the direction of a house.

S. Oh right. I forgot that too. I'm going to go with the Moonstone chapter, though. I fell asleep and dreamed of a better book for that whole time.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? Try breaking it down and analysing what this passage does and how.

S. There were several things in this chapter I loved and that really resonated with my concept of Tallpaw and my writing. 

S. “He’d be a warrior soon, then a senior warrior like Hareflight. One day he’d be an elder, limping like Whiteberry and sharing stories from moons ago with his denmates. Above the vast sky stretched toward distant horizon. The Clan looked small and fragile beneath it. Was this it? His life laid out before him like an old story, told again and again through countless moons? Tallpaw’s chest tightened. Suddenly he felt trapped, as though he were in the tunnels once again.”

S. “A thought flashed in his mind. We’re just visitors, like the rogues. We arrive, we eat, we sleep, and then we move on to StarClan. The only difference was that Clan cats stayed in one place their whole life. I’ll only ever see heather and grass and sky. Tallpaw felt WindClan’s borders pressing closer.” I loved this kind of thinking showing up in the story, and I’d have loved way more of this and far far less of literally everything else. You could honestly cut out all of the Sandgorse angst and just lean into this, because it's good and it's real.

S. I also lost my whole mind at this bit: “They’re survivors, like you,” Barkpaw purred. They walked in silence for a while. Talltail gently steered his friend toward Outlook Rock.  “I love this view,” he mewed as he led Barkpaw out across the stone. Barkpaw peered into the night-shadowed valley. “Why? Everything is so dark and far away.”  Talltail sat down, beckoning Barkpaw to sit beside him with a flick of his tail. “Just wait.”  “For what?” The sky was growing pale as the sun pushed up toward the horizon behind them. Glancing over his shoulder, Talltail saw weak rays seeping through the bare branches of ThunderClan’s forest. “You’ll see in a moment,” he told Barkpaw.  As he spoke, the sun lifted above the trees. Sunlight swept the moor and lit up the tips of Highstones.  S. I was basically like fist-pumping. Canonical evidence that dawn is Tallstar's favourite time of day. I didn't know this before I wrote my other story, but damn it feels good. I love when things line up serendipitously like that. 

K.  Absolutely. Those felt so good to read. Not a very long passage, but: “How could his Clan be so unfeeling?” — This isn’t a galaxy brain take or anything, but I do love how evident it is that Tallpaw is just. Solidly projecting his own feelings onto everyone else. They’re not unfeeling, dog! You are!!

6. What themes have you noticed in this section? Are these themes a continuation of the themes you noticed in the first section, or has the story’s focus changed since then?

S. In the first chunk, I picked out "division" as a theme. And that feels very true still, as far as what's happening in the story. It's even more emphatic, with Palebird pushing Talltail out of her family (or so he feels, and with reason, in my opinion) and his self-imposed removal from the clan.

K. "Desire" might also be poignant for this section, actually. Talltail's desire to go off on his own, Barkface's desire for Talltail to be happy, so many other background characters doing something with their lives to have a new start (while Talltail broods).

S. Yes! I agree there. It's actually pretty interesting how the clan's unity in the face of tragedy and their kinship with the visitors is actually a big catalyst for Talltail to feel that division happening. The more together they are, the more apart he feels. I think desire is true of this too. There's--as always--a lot of emphasis on individuality, and choosing your own destiny and doing what you want.  It reminds me of that line from Hawkheart that I really liked, how every cat has to choose their destiny.

7. If you were going to learn a lesson from this section, what lesson would it be? What message stands out to you most clearly? Do you agree with it?

S. I think insofar as I can glean a lesson from this section, I'd go with learning from Heatherstar: sometimes it will be difficult to help people and they might resent you for it, but if you have the power to make a positive change, you should act, even though it's hard. S. That feels very appropriate, given the state of the world right now. So many people are angry that authority figures are telling them to stay home and prevent the spread of COVID, and are resenting the very people who are trying to save their lives. I can see that same issue playing out so clearly in these chapters, after the death of Sandgorse in the tunnels.

K. Absolutely. It's so, so easy to direct anger towards something or someone tangible, rather than accepting that there are things that Just Happen and there's nothing you can do about it.

K. I was going to say something very similar: the things you need to make yourself better aren't always the things you want to hear. So many people try to help guide Talltail away from his anger or towards other, much healthier ways of thinking -- all of them trying to tell him he doesn't HAVE to be a tunneler is one moment -- and he just HATES hearing it, every time. He doesn't want to accept it. It feels better to be in his emotions about it, even if that's most obviously the worst thing he could be doing for himself and for others. Sometimes you just have to let other people give you the honest to god vibe check and learn to put your heart down for a bit, to see what you need to see.

S. Definitely. I feel that getting better necessitates taking responsibility for yourself. It seems like Talltail is resisting that, maybe because it's difficult to be honest with yourself. If you try, you risk failing. And the problem with any kind of self-improvement or recovery is that it's overall made up of little moments of trying to be better every day. That's so much failure to face, it can feel insurmountable. Whereas one grand gesture of revenge? So much easier.  Anger is a motivating emotion, so if you stay in anger, you can often get things done. But anger is also an emotion that makes it harder to react with patience or think clearly. A double-edged sword, if you will.

K. Absolutely. Pinning "if I complete X Task, I will feel better and fix myself" on some big goal is way easier.

S. I think that's what's happening for him at this time. He's not willing to do the mundane, scary work of trying to be better each day, and is going for something he thinks will alleviate guilt instead. But of course it won't.

8. The title of this novel is Tallstar’s Revenge. How do you feel about that title so far? Does it reflect the content of the story well, or would you choose a different title? What alternative title would you suggest?

S. I personally feel the title sets up the story poorly. Because I knew it was hinged around revenge, I was alert and looking for it from the start. I was paying attention to potential betrayals or crimes, so on. And when I realised this extremely unlikeable awful character, Sandgorse, was the catalyst, I got real mad.

K. I don't even know what better title would work, since I'm honestly not very fond of the Super Editions titles. They just... all do the same, on-the-nose shit and it makes it very boring from the start.

S. I think if we were allowed to tweak it a little, The Forgiveness of Tallstar, would be a title I would potentially enjoy more. There's an ambiguity to it, re: who is being forgiven. Is it Tallstar who needs to be forgiven, or is it Tallstar doing the forgiving. And I think you could thematically tie that in so much better to the kinds of beats this story is already showing up.

K. The only like, quote from the book that I think you could mangle into a title is "We guard the edge of the world," which like... I dunno, having something like "On The Edge" included in there feels right. The book's obviously full of big tension and drama within Windclan, while also noting that they literally are on the fringe of Clan territory.

S. I think maybe Beyond the Edge of the World? Since that’s essentially where Tallstar’s journey takes him? 

K. Yeah!

9. Many of us read because we’re curious to find out what’s next. How has curiosity featured in your experience of this book? What’s motivated you to keep reading?

K. Hoo boy. Honestly, half of the reason I'm reading is just with crossed fingers that somehow, SOMEHOW, Talltail becomes better. I know he must. He has to.

S.  For me, curiosity is a big part of why I'm reading--and continuing to read--this book. I want to know what happens next! I'm just usually expecting not to like it.

Final notes:

K. I'm excited for Jake to show up, because I feel that'll help break up whatever the hell Talltail is doing. He needs an excitable twink to break him from the evil fog he's in. S. I don't know if Jake is a twink, honestly. K. Oh, very true. We do love a good himbo. S. He's a bit of a rolypoly boy, according to the wiki. K. OH, even better. K. I forgot that Talltail is the twink. S. He's just a long sad string bean.

K. I AM APALLED AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS, ERIN K. This book is… it’s like being consistently starved to death and then given like, a single apple slice and going ravenous for it. There are so many moments that FEEL great (even if they’re not miraculous, writing or content wise), almost solely because so many things that precede them straight up cause my reader brain to flatline. The despicable one-two punch of Chapter Nineteen into the handful of great moments in Chapter Twenty makes me feel like I’m being waterboarded by Erin Hunter. K. Erin Hunter, holding my head down into the waters of godawful content, before yanking me up for air to see Heatherstar and Dawnstripe saying Good Things just to shove me in again. S. I can't disagree with you. S. I genuinely had moments of going "yeah!!!" followed by "NO!!!" like that one John Mulaney skit.

S. Anyway, I'd like to start us off with a familiar old Erin Hunter classic theme, quoting my notes:  - "Is it even a Warriors novel without multiple birth scenes?" - "Oh excellent another peripheral birth scene, I felt that there wasn’t quite enough in this book so far" S. If I don't have multiple women moaning and/or shrieking and/or groaning from birthing pains in my Warriors novels, I'd be devastated. K. It'd break the immersion.

K. I am very happy to see Deadfoot on the scene though, even though he shows up for like. .5 seconds before he's gone. A very good and lovely baby boy. S. “Tallpaw turned back and tucked his nose under the black tom’s belly. “Hang on!” he warned, flipping the kit onto his shoulders. Tallpaw purred as the young kit dug his tiny claws into his pelt, and carried him over to his littermates.” uhhhh what the fuck K. YUP K. Y U P K. HEY ERIN S. Let me just uhhh toss this child like a sack of potatoes over my cat shoulder real quick. K. Tiny Tim over here S. I lost it. I'm like, you really don't care what cat bodies can do, do you?  K. Erin Hunter: hmmm what if we just pepper in some wack shit. Like, what if it's just. Nonsensical as fuck. Who's gonna tell us we can't? Harper Collins? S. And the answer is: of fucking course not, kitty kung fu time.

K. “You’ve turned mean, Tallpaw,” Reena spat. “ That’s why you’ve got no friends anymore. Whenever a cat comes near you, you bite their head off.” “So?” Tallpaw hissed. “At least I don’t kill them.” “See what I mean?” Reena’s gaze hardened. “Why don’t you talk to me once you’ve finished feeling sorry for yourself?” — God I love Reena, calling it like it is. S. Mood, but also: hate Erin Hunter for doing this to him, over Sandgorse. K. "Flailfoot is trying to reason for a Sandgorse Redemption Arc and I will NOT be having it, you LOSE sir, GOOD DAY," S. Note two from my notes page: "I DON’T CARE ABOUT SANDGORSE" S.  Gets abused by father. Father dies in what is objectively an accident caused by his own defiance and hubris. ??? Goes on a hateful revenge spiral to try and make daddy proud. K.  The worst part is that, unlike Bluestar's which was a fucking awful mess the entire way through, this one gives us just enough to show that the Erins are capable of like. SOMETHING. They can write okay things! They know what they're handing us is bullshit and they do it anyway! It's infuriating. S. From a writing perspective, it's kind of fascinating to see this all happen, because like. What a fucking horrorshow. S. Really feeling in this moment for the people who think Erin Hunter is a good writer. They're getting swindled on Sherlock is Garbage and Here's Why levels. S. Where's the secret good fourth episode, Erin???

K.  “Tallpaw’s wish to learn the skills that led to his father’s death shows true courage.” — HEATHERSTAR WITH THE PREMIUM ROASTS K. Followed by: image: “fuck them [tunnels]” K.  “Shrewpaw!” Dawnstripe glared at the apprentice. “Show some respect to your Clanmate.” Hareflight joined them. “Stop teasing him, Shrewpaw!” “This has gone beyond teasing!” Dawnstripe snapped. “If Shrewpaw were my apprentice, I’d claw his ears.” — HOLY FUCK, GET HIM K. The fact that nobody has noticed Shrewpaw using his claws during training is fucking ridiculous, though. He's done it the whole book, Erin. They would know. They would know. S. Admittedly don't love how everyone's concept of discipline is straight to violence, but we'll overlook that, I guess. K. I understand that like, bullying is something that can go unseen very often, but like. Come on, man. S. Yeah. It's like wearing knuckledusters to a playground fight. Hard to overlook.

S. It's what happens when your characters don't have internal worlds. They're just props standing there until you need them, not people watching and listening to what you're writing right in front of them. S. The problem with Erin Hunter's writing for me is that by this point it's hard to read their female characters generously. S. Most of the time I can go, "okay but if we pretend this woman is real, what rich inner world does she experience?" and try to pick up where lazy writers leave off, but like... Erin Hunter's characters are so vapid. K. It's horrible to read. It's just the worst. S. Not just the female characters, but especially the female characters. And I hate it. K. I'm genuinely surprised that Dawnstripe and Heatherstar haven't been mangled already, but honestly, half of my rage at this book comes from their moments, because it shows that the Erins know exactly what they're doing and how bad this fucking plot is. K. Two major background characters are constantly talking about how things Should Not Be The Way They Are, and it just makes me wanna bang my head on a wall. I know you can see the elephant in the room, Erin. You know this. You know the bad things you're making. S. I genuinely feel that’s why they do it. They make bad plots because it’s easier to make certain characters seem smart or likeable if everyone’s a rude idiot.  S. They’re like, we need these characters to seem smart, so they will be the ones to call out all the bullshit. But they [the writers] don't go, wait, why is the bullshit even happening, it doesn’t make sense, and then write something better in the first place. S. I guess because we read these books on such a meta level so often, it really feels like watching one person play ping-pong against themselves, but one persona needs to look good so the other persona keeps giving themselves wedgies at the table and holding the paddle the wrong way. K. FUCK, THAT'S EXACTLY IT S. Which is... less impressive overall than just watching a nice normal game of ping-pong. K. Erin Hunter, about to self-own: I'm gonna pull what's called a pro-gamer move, S. I just can't get past it. S. I know both players are you, Erin Hunter. I can see you putting on your dunce hat and walking to the other end of the table. S. It makes it really hard to sink into the story. Whenever something stupid happens, I'm brutally yanked out of the narrative, and it's happening constantly at this point, because of the direction they're taking Tallpaw. S. I've tried to like, put that aside and imagine his perspective, but it's so challenging for me to envision an experience where I'm a nice boy on a moor with an idiot backwards dad who bullies me and tries to control my life with emotional manipulation and disregard for authority, and then he dies of the thing everyone was saying was super dangerous and off-limits, and then I lose my mind because I didn't make him proud while he was alive (which he's not anymore, because of tunnelling) so I need to do the thing that killed him (which is tunnelling). S. Tallpaw can't be smart and also have this characterisation for me. It's too incongruent.

[themyskira]

The Life of Captain Marvel - issue #1

So here we are. Issue #1 of The Life of Captain Marvel, the miniseries that was touted as a bold new origin story that would change everything we thought we knew about Carol Danvers.

And it starts strong by exploiting family violence, trauma, mental illness and traumatic brain injury for melodramatic effect, with no intention of dealing with any of these complex themes in any depth or sensitivity.

For all that, infuriatingly little actually happens in this first issue. No exaggeration, the issue actually includes a stretch of nine months wherein Carol essentially does nothing except mope and grow her hair out. The dang plot doesn’t even arrive until the final seven pages.

Content warning: This issue begins with a flashback to Joe Danvers verbally abusing and hitting his kids. I haven’t included any images, but I talk at some length about Margaret Stohl’s abysmal handling of themes of abuse and family violence. Just a heads up.

The story opens on a flashback to an idyllic childhood holiday in Harpswell, Maine. There’s a montage of Carol and her brothers flying kites, wrestling each other, splashing in the water and stuffing their faces with candy, while adult Carol muses that she used to think her family was perfect.

Then the flashback takes a turn. One of Carol’s brothers rips the kite from her hand, tearing it. Their father, Joe, descends on the boys in a rage and begins verbally abusing and physically beating them as Carol looks on, because — surprise! — it’s Traumatic Past Retcon time!

Goodbye Joe Danvers, well-meaning but hard-headed dad who’s never understood his daughter and whose approval always seems to be out of reach. Hello Joe Danvers v. 2.0, scary unpredictable drunk who hit his kids and terrorised his entire family. Aren’t comics fun?

The flashbacks are interspersed with shots of Carol in the present day, where she’s battling supervillains Tanalth and Moonstone. As the flashback progresses, present-day Carol lashes out violently, alarming friends and foes alike.

“That’s why fighting’s easier than remembering. I tell myself that if I’m strong enough… I’ll beat the memories down so hard they’ll never come back.”

What’s strange to me about this page is the way it deliberately draws a parallel between Joe, snarling and raising his fist to strike his powerless young children, and Carol, snarling and raising her fist to strike down a powerful villain. By implication, it places Carol in the role of abuser, indicating an intergenerational cycle of violence.

Which of course is never explored or discussed beyond this, because Stohl doesn’t want to actually talk about the lasting impacts and terrible toll of family violence, she just wants to exploit it for THE DRAMAS.

As Joe whales on his sons, kid!Carol tries to run to their defence, only to be held back by mother Marie, who tells her, “You’ll just make it worse. Now’s not the time.”

We will be told numerous times over the course of this book what an incredible, loving mother Marie Danvers is, and how she’s prepared to sacrifice everything for Carol. Her actions, though? Her actions consistently portray a woman whose number one interest is in not creating more work or emotional angst for herself, even when it means hanging Carol out to dry.

This is not to say that Marie isn’t a victim as well in this scenario: though she never fears for her life or safety (she could pummel Joe into the ground without breaking a sweat), it could well be that constant gaslighting and emotional abuse have left her feeling unable to oppose her husband in anything.

It could well be, but that is nuance that Stohl is not interested in exploring, and all we get throughout this miniseries is Marie making excuses for Joe’s abusive behaviour and prioritising her own comfort over Carol’s emotional wellbeing and safety.

So anyway, flashback!Marie says “Now’s not the time”, and in the present day Carol shrieks “WHEN - IS - THE TIME?!” while damn near beating Moonstone into a pulp.

The other Avengers are disturbed by this.

Iron Man: Hey, Carol? Could you maybe leave a little something on the plate for… you know… bad guy jail? Black Panther: Would you call that rage… disproportionate?

hellooooo unfortunate paternalistic implications. A female superhero has a hysterical outburst on the battlefield, while her almost exclusively male colleagues look on in bewilderment. (‘This is why women can’t be superheroes, they’re too emotional!!!’)

Cap and T’Challa have to physically pull Carol off Moonstone, as Carol begins to hyperventilate.

Adding to our list of things that this series has zero interest in exploring:

What it’s like to experience a panic attack or traumatic flashback

What it’s like to live with an anxiety disorder

What it’s like to live with trauma

The Carol of this story is not a woman living with trauma and mental illness, she is a woman who swoons hysterically whenever the narrative starts drag a bit. Her panic attacks are purely a plot device used to ratchet up the dramatic tension at convenient moments, and it’s some of the most insensitive handling of mental illness I’ve seen in comics for a while.

Next comes the obligatory scene of Carol getting a full medical in Tony’s lab, only for Tony to throw his hands up and declare, ‘welp, there’s nothing physically wrong with you, are you sure there’s not something else going on????’. Because apparently neither Tony — who has personal experience with trauma — nor Steve — who lived through a FUCKING WAR — know PTSD when it’s punching them (well, Tanalth and Moonstone) in the face.

I mean REALLY.

Tony: Look, the breathing thing is probably some kinda nervous tic.

hi, hello, person with an anxiety disorder here, please do not tell somebody having a full-blown panic attack that it’s just a ‘nervous tic’, you absolute insensitive fuckstick.

Carol: [sigh] It’s… Father’s Day. Not my favourite day of the year, you know?

waitwaitwait, so CAROL recognised that she’d triggered and experienced a traumatic flashback, but for some reason decided to play dumb about it until she’d after she’d had a pointless medical examination??

Tony tells Carol she needs to get herself sorted out or else somebody is going to get hurt, so she goes to visit her mother and younger brother Joe Junior at the family’s holiday home in Maine.

Carol flies into town past a sign that reads, “Harpswell Sound / Summer Home of Captain Marvel” Carol: [narration] Oh, brother.

‘Oh, brother’ is right. I guess at least it isn’t as embarrassing as the time Stohl introduced a D-grade Captain Marvel TV series.

“Sugar’s Donuts / Official Donut of Captain Marvel”

hoookay yep that’s a bit much now.

At the donut shop, Carol runs into childhood friend Louis Lee, who’s grown into a Designated Love Interest with an obnoxious phonetically-spelled accent

“Better keep that to yah self, Ms. Danvers. Wouldn’t wantitah get out that yah cheatin’ on us…”

I despise him already.

Carol goes up to the house and hangs out with her mother and brother. Over dinner, Marie and JJ ask her why she’s dropped by so suddenly. Carol evades and JJ blows up at her because apparently he’s been holding in some anger about how he feels she abandoned the family and didn’t even bother to come home when their dad was terminally ill. (Which, hey, here’s another potentially rich thread to explore — PITY IT NEVER COMES UP BETWEEN THEM EVER AGAIN.)

Carol shoots back that he knows full well she was avoiding home because of their abusive father, only to be interrupted by the door slamming as their mother walks out.

…eeeeeexcept apparently that was an art mistake, because the very next page is Carol chasing after her brother, the one who actually stormed out. She finds him at their father’s grave, drinking booze.

He offers his recovering alcoholic sister the bottle, and when she lightly turns it down he gripes that she’d always thought she was better than everybody else and she should feel free to piss off any time now. Then he gets into his car and Carol lets him drive home drunk like the responsible person she is.

“Part of me knew I should go after Joe Jr. I mean, nobody in my family was any good with a bottle.”

WHAT IN THE HELL, CAROL.

But nah, see, she has more important things to do, like scream at her dead father and desecrate his headstone, because that’s sure not going to upset her family further, nope.

Her little tantrum is interrupted by the sound of tyres screeching and a car plunging off a bridge because YOU FUCKING MORON you stood there and watched your brother stagger drunk into his car and made the conscious decision that ‘nah, I’m gonna let this one play out’.

and ohohohohoho how ~poetic~! He crashed right through the ‘Summer Home of Captain Marvel’

god I hate everything in this comic.

JJ is rushed to hospital, where he is diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, leaving him in a catatonic state.

And of course, Stohl’s Carol makes it all about her-fucking-self.

“In an instant, everything changes. You ruin someone’s life… it ruins yours right back. You’d give everything to have gone after him… and acted like the hero you’re supposed to be.”

Yes, JJ is in a coma with a traumatic brain injury, but let’s talk about how his near-fatal car accident ruined Carol’s life.

Anyway— NINE MONTHS LATER.

No, really.

We just skip over nine months.

Wherein apparently Carol has been doing nothing but poor-me-ing over her brother’s hospital bed.

Like.

She gave up her entire life and career.

Stopped saving the world.

Stopped interacting with everybody.

Just sat by JJ’s hospital bed looking melancholy and growing her hair out so that comic bros would stop complaining that she looked like a lesbian.

Tony tries texting her and she turns off her phone. So he appears beside her in an explosion of pixels.

which-- how?!?

There’s no visible technology at work here, nothing to indicate what’s projecting his image or enabling the two of them to communicate. Tony might as well be speaking to Carol via magic, for all we can tell.

Christ, it’s a superhero comic, it’s not like you have to work that hard to sell it to the reader. Two lines of dialogue: ‘What the actual hell, Tony?’ ‘Well, you wouldn’t return my calls, so I [insert technobabble here].’ That’s all you need. How lazy can you get?

Tony asks her to come back to the Avengers — we miss you, we need you, this isn’t good for you, etc. — and Carol’s like, ‘nah, I’m too busy wallowing in self-pity’.

And yes, like Carol’s PTSD and panic attacks, like the family violence, JJ’s brain injury exists solely here as a plot device. It’s not a disability he lives with or a trauma he survives, it’s a vehicle to bring melodrama to Carol’s story and a weakly-fabricated excuse for Carol to stay with the family and discover what she’s about to discover.

Because now it’s time to bring the still-catatonic JJ back home. And since the downstairs living room is more accessible than his upstairs bedroom, he’ll be taking the couch, where Carol has been crashing.

Yes, even though Carol has her own childhood bedroom in this house — we see it next issue — she has been couch-surfing for nine months.  But now that somebody else has claimed her spot, she’s got to move into… JJ’s bedroom.

So she goes up the room and rather rudely starts going through her catatonic brother’s wardrobe and pulling his clothes out to make room for her own shit. Again, I cannot stress enough that she had her own bedroom in this house. She’s just… weirdly choosing to impose on everybody else.

In the wardrobe, Carol finds a box belonging to her dead father. The box contains a love letter, in Joe’s handwriting, addressed to a woman who is not his wife — along with what is obviously a piece of alien technology.

This is a comic with a goddamn identity crisis. It keeps tossing out plot hooks, only to abandon them pages later in favour of the next shiny idea.

It begins by announcing, ‘This is a story about Carol returning home and confronting her childhood trauma.’ Then it abruptly swerves: ‘wait, scratch that, this is a story about Carol struggling to hold her fractured family together after her brother is hurt in an accident she had the power to prevent’, and then, ‘hold up hold up what we meant to say was, this is a story about Carol discovering a hidden truth about her family and parentage’.

It’s like Stohl doesn’t know editing exists. Because spoiler alert: this story is not about either of those first two things. The first fifteen pages of this issue are a dead fucking weight. They do not need to be there, and in fact a lot of problems could have been solved by cutting them.

Carol decides to spend some time with her family because she’s working through some personal shit, and discovers a letter hinting that her late father was leading a double life. That’s it; that’s the story.

All these convoluted logistics around who gets the couch and who gets the bedroom? Not necessary. Again, Carol has a bedroom in this house. Since she’s not around much, it makes sense that Marie might be using it as a general storage space. So: Carol is staying in her old room and has to shift a few boxes to make space. In the process, her dad’s shoebox gets knocked loose from whatever nook it was stuffed into. THERE. EASY. DONE. PLOT UNLOCKED.

Like, the car accident actually makes it harder to get Carol to that point. The only reason I can see for it being there at all is to force the passage of time so that Carol can grow her hair out and dudebros can stop complaining that she’s unattractive. Because I guess it just never occurred to anybody that they could draw her with long hair to start with?

But ‘oh no, the aliens and the superpowers I can accept, but in the last comic I read Carol had short hair and I AM SORRY BUT there is NO WAY human hair grows that fast, this is BEYOND THE PALE’.

Oh, and can we talk about how Carol’s response to finding OBVIOUS ALIEN TECHNOLOGY is to go, ‘huh, I wonder what this is, let’s see if I can open it by smashing it repeatedly with a hammer’??

Carol: Huh. Let’s see if we can open it. [starts bashing the device wildly] Gah! Why — won’t — you— Marie: [off-panel] Carol! Can you help me with Joe’s tube? Carol: [wandering off as the device activates] Coming, Ma!

And then IMMEDIATELY GETS DISTRACTED AND WANDERS THE FUCK OFF, failing to notice that the OBVIOUS ALIEN DEVICE has suddenly activated and is now beeping ominously????

So while Carol blunders around obliviously, the obvious alien device sends a signal to a galaxy far far away, which in turn activates what is seriously and embarrassingly called a Kree Kleaner. A small spherical vessel orbiting a distant planet lights up and begin speeding towards Earth, while inside some kind of Kree cyborg gestates and grows to maturity at a rapid rate.

Meanwhile Carol sits by the sea with Digital Tony and mopes that “I knew my family wasn’t perfect… but I thought love was”.

you.

you fucking.

Look, I recognise that trauma is complicated and that family shit is even more so.  I know people process and cope with things in different ways and at different speeds. And for Carol to suddenly discover that, on top of all the grief he was causing at home, her father was leading some kind of secret life with another women, must surely feel fucking horrible and bring up a lot of deeply painful memories.

But her reaction doesn’t gel with everything Stohl has told us about Carol’s relationship with her father.

We’ve been told that Joseph Danvers was a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic who terrorised his family to the point where, to this day, Carol struggles with PTSD and anxiety attacks. We’ve been told that Carol thinks of him as a mean, violent drunk who even in death haunts her family. She doesn’t understand why her mother stayed with him or why her brother still defends him, when all he ever did was make all of them feel small and powerless.

The idea that Carol would think all of this and yet still be totally blindsided to learn that Joe and Marie’s marriage was not a true-love-fairytale-romance is utterly, outrageously laughable.

Stohl presents the letter as bombshell that overturns everything Carol thought she knew about her family, indicating that Joe was leading a secret life she never knew about. It’s not. All it is is a confirmation of everything we’re told Carol already thinks about her father: that he was a cruel, self-absorbed bastard who treated his family like crap. You know what is a fucking bombshell?

The fact that Joe Danvers apparently had personal access to OBVIOUS ALIEN TECHNOLOGY.

AND AS FOR THIS LINE.

“And like they say, families were made to be broken.”

literally nobody says this.

I even checked, just to be fair to this comic, on the off-chance that it was in fact a thing.

One of the six search results is somebody on instagram quoting this comic. The other five are all related to the title of a single playlist on 8tracks.

But hey, like they say, Margaret Stohl is a fucking hack.

[a-man-adrift]

10 Questions

Taggeded by @illusivesoul​!  Thankee!

There’s a picture of bunnies under the cut.  Jus’ sayin’.

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you like to live?

Heh, so, I’m from Devon, in the south-west of England, and researching my family history I keep coming across the same theme: my ancestors move abroad, they live… elsewhere for a while, and then I can only assume that they sit around the table of an evening and say “You know what’s nice?  Devon.  Devon is nice.”  And they move back.  Generation after generation, right down to my grandparents.  So, while there are places in the world I’d like to try living in, like Singapore, certain parts of the U.S., maybe Australia for a while, I have to admit it: Devon is nice, and I’d probably just end up back here.

2. How did you discover Mass Effect?

Well, I played Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and liked it (glad the question wasn’t ‘how did you discover KoToR?’ ’cause I really can’t remember!) and eventually I paid attention to a bunch of video game review sites I followed when they said “Hey, the developers of SW:KoToR have a hybrid RPG/shooter thing in an original SF universe!  It’s pretty cool!”, and, last Christmas, I asked for the first two games in the series as a gift and got them (thanks, Chris!).  So yeah, I can’t claim to be, er, prompt…

3. Do you have any tattoos? If you don’t, do you want any?

I really don’t.  Without wishing to offend any inked friends, I really don’t care for them.  In this day and age, I know better than to assume anything about people’s lifestyle or personality from the fact that they have them (they’re completely mainstream now, let’s be honest), I just don’t happen to like the way they look.

4. Do you have any pets?

No, no pets.  Never had any in the house when I was growing up, so by now I think I’d be pretty freaked out to share house-room with one.  I like being an uncle/big-brother type to my mom’s rabbits, though.  I can spoil them with dandelion leaves and look at them and say “you so cute!” and such:

(Blurry photo, I know, but you see what I mean)

…and I only have to clean them out when bunny mommy and daddy go on holiday!

5. If you could recommend 3 games from any genre, what would they be?

Let’s go with sandbox shooter type things: GTA: Vice City is my favourite entry in the Grand Theft Auto series, with an awesome voice cast, some of the ridiculousness that the Saints Row games correctly decided was the best thing about the GTA-style crime sandbox format.  Just Cause 2 wins the A Man Adrift award for Hugest Sandbox Ever and Most Potential for Whacked-Out Stunts, and, among sandboxes, I think Far Cry 3 has the best transitions from stealth to all-out-FPS gameplay and back.

6. Song that you’ve listened a lot lately?

A lot of the time there is a song I’ve been listening to a lot, but just lately it turns out there isn’t…  I have found myself sticking a bunch of Dokken songs, of all things, on while I’m working out.  You may now be amused.

7. Guilty pleasure movie?

Probably gotta be The Rock (1996), memorably described on the CinemaSins podcast as “the Michael-Bay-iest movie that Michael Bay ever Bayed.”  It’s big dumb silly action, and I like to think everyone involved knew it (except Ed Harris, who just goes I’M ED HARRIS AND I WILL ACT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS ROLE no matter what he’s doing, and that’s fine).

Honourable mentions must also go to Con Air (1997) and Behind Enemy Lines (2001), but honestly, I don’t really do feeling guilty about the media I consume, so… *shrug*.

8. Unpopular opinion about Mass Effect (optional)

I’ve posted about this before, but I really didn’t like the direction the writing of the series went in going from the first to the second game.  A greater focus on character is fine, but to make that happen they didn’t have to change the narrative sensibility from ‘SF-novel’ to ‘superhero comic’, and I just don’t like comic books.  That’s all there is to it.

9. Favorite books?

I’m a big fan of Lois Bujold’s Miles Vorkosigan books, if I had to pick one I’d narrow it down to Cetaganda or Falling Free and refuse to go any further 😜  I liked Falling Free particularly because it reminded me of Heinlein’s The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, which is both entertaining and right in my political wheelhouse.  Outside of SF, I like my Victorian novels, especially Wilkie Collins.  Again, I can’t narrow it down to just one, so I’d have to say either The Moonstone, which is one of his more popular offerings today, or if you can stomach something from his later message-mongering period, I’d recommend Man and Wife (and the message is basically ‘how about we maybe not assume that everything a woman owns becomes her husband’s when she gets married?’ so pretty easy to stomach).

10. Dream job?

Honestly?  A well-paid sinecure.  Especially if I could make trouble by taking the nominal duties of the job seriously, like when Sir Isaac Newton was made Master of the Mint.

OK, my questions:

What’s the next movie, book or video game you want to watch/read/play?

Which historical figure would you most like to meet?

What’s your most out-there crack pairing that you ship?

What’s your favourite comfort food?

Are there any actors that you’ll watch in pretty much any movie?

If you had to pick a decade in the past to live in, which would it be and why?

What’s the most interesting thing to find out about a historical or foreign culture?

Do you play or watch any sports?  If not, which do you hate the least?

What’s your favourite thing to drink?

If you knew that one morning you were going to wake up with Foreign Accent Syndrome, which accent would you be crossing your fingers hoping you’d wake up with?

Tagging @lost-translator, @alienshepard, @n0rmandysr1, @smirksandboots, @titaniumsansa, @himluv, @princessofmilkyway and @illusivesoul right backsies!