#Mathias: 008

[father-jude]

location: block party

@intxication

It was not often that Jude caught sight of Mathias before the younger man saw him. He wasn't exactly hard to spot, 6'3" wearing all black most of the time. But with the crowd it had given Jude the rare opportunity to look at Mathias without the other knowing. Taking in not just what he was wearing but seeing a furtive look and movement in the younger man that wasn't usually there. Seeing that Mathias was staying on the edges of things.

He walked over to Mathias, keeping his arms crossed over his chest before he spoke, "Are you alright? You seem... Distracted. Were you looking for someone?"

[fragwuerdiger-episodenguide]

(008) Die drei ??? und der grüne Geist

Klappentext

Merkwürdig, daß an diesem Abend anscheinend nicht nur Bob und Peter zufällig das Haus des längst verstorbenen Mathias Green besichtigen, das abgerissen werden soll. Mehr als merkwürdig, nämlich höchst gruselig, wenn dann plötzlich ein grün schimmernder Geist erscheint, was außer den beiden immerhin sechs ausgewachsene Männer (oder waren es sieben?) bezeugen können. Justus dagegen findet den Bericht seiner Freunde weder sehr merkwürdig noch sehr gruselig, sondern sehr verdächtig ...

Veröffentlichungshistorie

Buch (Random House): 004, 1965, Robert Arthur, The Mystery of the Green Ghost Buch (Kosmos): 014, 1975, Leonore Puschert (aus dem Amerikanischen übertragen) Hörspiel (Europa): 008, 1979

⁉️ Allgemein

Handlungsort

Rocky Beach, San Francisco

Kategorie

Spuk, Diebstahl

Figuren

Justus Jonas

Peter Shaw

Bob Andrews

Alfred Hitchcock (Keine Interaktion mit den drei ???)

Kommissar Reynolds

Harold Carlson, Anwalt aus San Francisco, entfernter Verwandter von Lydia Green (😈)

Lydia Green, Nichte/Schwägerin von Matthias Green

Charles Green („Chang“), Neffe von Lydia Green, Neffe von Harold Carlson und (Ur-)Enkel von Mathis Greene

Henry

Mr. Jensen (😈)

Kenneth

Wong, 107 Jahre alt, wohlhabender Geschäftsmann (😈?)

🏖 Rocky Beach Universum

Orte

San Francisco

Verdant Valley, Weingut bei San Francisco

Einrichtungen

Zentrale

Schrottplatz

Sonstiges

Haus von Mathias Green, zu weit weg, um mit den Rad hinzufahren, soll abgerissen werden

Geisterperlen, wurden von Mathias Green einem chinesischem Adeligen geklaut, deswegen musste Green aus China flüchten, lösen sich in Wasser auf und „verlängern das Leben“, jede Perle verlängert das Leben um 3 Monate, 48 Perlen auf der Kette

🛼 Sonstiges

Lustige Dialoge

Bob: "Pass auf, dass dich der Geist nicht beißt!“ Justus: „Oder umgekehrt!“

Justus: „Ich übe mich im Schreien.“ Kenneth: „Aber sonst bist du in Ordnung, ja?“ Justus: „Völlig, Kenneth. Du kannst jetzt wieder rüber gehen. Heute Abend werde ich nicht mehr schreien.“ Kenneth: „Ja, hoffentlich.“

Justus: „Meine mir angeborene Bescheidenheit verbietet mir, darauf zu antworten, Herr Kommissar.“

Phrasenschwein

-

🏳️‍🌈 Queer/diversity read

Shippy moments

-

Diversity, Political Correctness and Feminism

Innig geliebtes Eheweib ... Er hat sie in China kennengelernt und mit in die Vereinigten Staaten gebracht

Ein exotisch aussehender Junge

„Man nennt mich nur Chang, weil ich aus China komme.“

Haushälterin Lee/Li hat einen fragwürdigen Akzent

"Die mexikanischen Arbeiter die hatten es so eilig, wie noch nie bei der Arbeit. Wahrscheinlich sind sind sie im Dorf und trinken Schnapps."

Wong hat einen fragwürdigen Akzent

[alfredosauce50]

Island Escapade 04

04 - Ultraviolence Content warning: Violence. Inferences of assault. Wordcount: 2, 008 The reader is referred to as she/her.

He unlocked the front door of your house.

“Alrighty. Time for bed.” Allen carried you down the hall. When he brought you to your bedroom, a sweet fragrance filled his nose. A chill ran down his spine.

It was the same smell as your soap—as you. Only this time, it was overwhelming him from all directions.

He couldn’t be surprised. But breathing had never been so distracting as it was. While he stood over your bed, feeling you cling to the collar of his tank, he lost himself in the deep, woody scent of orchids.

Allen had to remind himself this wasn’t the first time he walked into a woman’s room before.

But this was your room.

“Pardon the intrusion.” He coughed.

It was the one place he swore to stay the hell away from. And being there felt like the worst sin he ever committed in his Godless life.

After laying you down on your bed, he had to smack himself on the face when he noticed he was staring. You looked so relaxed. It was almost nice to think you could let down your guard around him. Allen made a face as he reflected on those intrusive thoughts.

His heart was pounding faster than he liked.

“This is getting weird.” He murmured, giving his head a shake. “I should get out of here.”

Before he could leave, the flyscreen swung open and crashed into the wall outside.

Allen jolted to the sound. When he turned to the hall, fear took over every inch of his being until he froze.

It was Mathias.

And his face was so red, he had to wonder if he was even breathing. Inside, he wasn’t. Not after what he saw. Allen just walked into your bedroom, an intimate and private space you used to share with him.

But his reaction made it clear he never let it go.

Mathias grabbed him by the collar and punched him so hard, his head slammed against the wall behind. The hard contact shocked him into a brief daze. But when he came to, his face contorted with agony.

“What the hell is your problem, dude?” Allen hissed, cupping a hand under his chin. Blood was already pouring from his nose. But the grotesque sight was hardly a deterrent from Mathias’s anger.

“Fuck you.” He glared, taking his collar again. Allen held his arms up. Mathias watched him with so much hostility, it was hard to believe this was the same guy he laughed with tonight. “Don’t play dumb. I fucking saw you. You were gonna do something to her!”

His words were laced with poisonous hatred. But it was the accusing question that cut the deepest.

“Look, man—whatever you’re mad about, it’s really not what it looks like. I swear I wasn’t gonna do anything. I’d never—” Allen held onto his iron vice to stop himself from being throttled.

“Shut up.” Mathias seethed through his teeth.

“Okay, okay.” Allen winced shakily.

A bitter look twisted at Mathias’s face. Trusting Allen, letting him live with you, being apart from you—he never regretted his decisions like he did now.

“I never should’ve let you come here.”

A bloody fight unfolded. But it was one-sided.

Mathias tousled with him to the kitchen, then to the living room where he beat him black and blue. Allen ended up shielding himself with his arms, but that did nothing to stop him from pounding his face in.

Allen wanted to be mad. He really did.

But he couldn’t even blame him.

He was the one serving a sentence. Not Mathias. Allen couldn’t say he was proud of what he did today, either. So he let him hit him, even if the pain was becoming unbearable.

“Don’t touch (F/N). And stay the hell away from her.” Mathias hissed in disgust, elbowing him in the gut to hear a low grunt and gag. “If you don’t, I’ll kill you.”

The pure conviction dripping from his words implied he was completely serious.

And yet, Allen coughed this out without thinking.

“I know.”

Just like that, the thin thread holding Mathias together snapped, and he beat him until he couldn’t stand. Allen threw his head back in pain before collapsing on the floor in a heap.

His ears rung and he fainted from his injuries.

By the time he came to, he was alone in the living room feeling like he died twice.

He slowly rose, groaning while he did, and staggered to the bathroom. The door opened when he got there, revealing none other than Mathias himself.

And he was in his sleepwear.

Allen threw his hands up as if to surrender.

“Hey, chill out man. I was only gonna wash my face.”

“Go ahead.” Mathias shrugged dismissively. “You don’t wanna be questioned by the police immediately after getting back to the mainland.”

Allen tensed up at that.

“We’re sending you back tomorrow.”

Lifting his hand as if to say something, he separated his lips only to be cut off by a door shutting in his face—your door.

“... Right.”

He hung his head and lingered in the hall.

Now that he had room to breathe, to think, reality hit him harder than any of Mathias’s punches could. He fucked up in the worst way imaginable; after tonight, you’d never trust him again, nor see him again.

And it hurt so bad, he began sniffling. Quiet tears streamed down to his chin as he walked back to his room. Just when he thought he’d become your friend, he lost all hope of being even less than that.

And the only thing he could do now was look less pathetic as he packed up his things to leave.

You just woke up to the sound of your door closing.

“Allen?” As you blinked your vision back, you came to realize it was anyone but. It was Mathias. Instantly, the emotions from the party returned in a whirlwind.

“Get out.” You murmured. His face fell.

Before he could bombard you with his pleas, you began shoving him until he was outside. But he was too fast. When you tried shutting the door on him, he caught the edge and held it open in a tremble.

“Kæreste—”

“—don’t call me that.” You glared. “Go home.”

“I can’t.” Mathias pushed harder until he could squeeze inside. When he did, you began slapping his chest out of anger, then helplessness. He never did listen to a word you said. Even after a year, he found it in himself to force his way into your bedroom.

“Get out of my house!” You kept thrashing, but he simply held your wrists and lowered them. “Mat—”

His movements were slow and controlled, even against all your strength. He was always the one with the upper hand, physically or otherwise. And the sobering truth left you defeated. Eventually, you stopped struggling and let him hold your hands.

“We need to talk.” Mathias sighed.

We need to talk. Hearing it alone was enough to shatter your resolve to resist—his grip on you was gentle, but you couldn’t remove yourself from it.

“If this is about us, save it.” You uttered.

You refused to look at him. Tears were already welling in your eyes, and he didn’t have to see them to know.

“Does being with me hurt you that much?”

Your silence seemed to answer his question well enough. Mathias felt the ache in his chest deepen. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know already. But seeing it on your face always made it feel like the first time.

“It’s not, okay? But you know how I feel.” When he wiped your tears with a thumb, you never raised a hand to stop him. There was still a soft spot for him in your heart, and he knew it just as well as you did.

“I’ll always be there for you. That’s why I’m here.” Mathias continued. “I hate to say this, but... We have to send Allen back. He did something tonight, well, tried, and I don’t think you can let him stay anymore.”

The lights were all off.

Hours had passed since your conversation with the Dane, which ended on a depressing note after he elaborated on what happened in your drunken stupor. The tears had long dried on your face, but you were just as miserable as before.

Allen was everything you thought he was.

And it broke your heart that he never proved you wrong. Just when you thought of him as a friend, he betrayed you. He took your trust and shattered it. The kind, playful, and hardworking man you were so fond of had all been a lie.

The disappointment was disillusioning. After everything you did together with him, how could he?

In the smallest hours of the night, your senses were fine-tuned to the presence in your bed. Every inch of Mathias’s skin was pressed against yours, engulfing you with a familiar warmth you secretly missed.

Your head was on his chest. His scent drowned your lungs, and it was more comforting than you cared to admit. Ironically, being on this island didn’t change that he smelled just like the Nordic winter; the earthiness of birch wood and juniper berries.

As therapeutic as it was, you also realized your plight. You were relying on him again, and letting him in after shutting him out. But being so distorted by sadness, you couldn’t help needing him.

Shortly after you woke up, Mathias followed you into the living room like some package deal.

Through the tired droop in your burning eyes, you saw a duffel bag sitting on the couch. In the kitchen was the owner, currently downing a cup of coffee. When he finished, he noticed you staring and rubbed the nape of his neck.

“Oh, uh. I was just about to go. So don’t worry. I’ll go away after this, I promise.” Allen forced a smile.

It left a sour flavor in your mouth when you realized you couldn’t hate him after what he did.

Was it because you couldn’t remember exactly what happened to feel real hatred? Or were you that attached you couldn’t hold a grudge?

“I talked it over with Mathias. Unpack your stuff. You’re staying for the rest of your sentence.” You murmured, quickly averting your gaze before you could see the hope light up his eyes.

“Wait, seriously?”

His bottom lip was busted and a purple bruise blotched one of his cheeks.

There was no doubt about who was responsible for those injuries. And he perfectly deserved them, so why couldn’t you be happy about it?

“I’m not doing this for you. We just thought you ought to go through proper punishment.” Mathias walked in at that, arriving by your side with a wild mane of blonde as his version of bed head. Without a moment’s hesitation, he held you around your waist to make himself known. “And Mathias is gonna live with us. Just in case you do anything.”

That, you weren’t thrilled about.

“... Makes sense. I still got my room, so I won’t have to crash the couch.” Allen shrugged. Then, he knitted his brows together. “Wait, I still get my room, right?”

“Yeah, you do,” You stretched your eyes when you could practically feel Mathias grinning beside you. “Since this idiot is sharing mine.”

“Look on the bright side! This idiot can keep you company.” He gave you a hip bump.

You would’ve facepalmed if he let you. Rather than holding your waist, he took the liberty of holding your hands from behind to play with them. “... I don’t want your company...” You grumbled.

“Naw, you secretly do.”

There were now two men you had to deal with on a day-to-day basis, and they weren’t your ordinary handfuls. One was an ex-con, and the other, your ex. Already, you could tell your whole life was about to spiral out of control.

Allen was to revert back to a stranger, while Mathias became a part of your life again.

[eeraygun]

Top 285 Sonic Releases of 2018

000. Rosalia - El Mal Querer 001. Various Artists - 'I Could Go Anywhere But Again I Go With You' 002. Autechre - NTS Sessions 003. Various Artists - Kulør 001 004. Oneohtrix Point Never - Age Of (Japanese Edition) 005. Sophie - Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides 006. Tirzah - Devotion 007. Blawan - Wet Will Always Dry 008. Cam Deas - Time Exercises 009. Leon Vynehall - Nothing Is Still 010. Ingus Baušķenieks ‎ - Spoki 011. Clouds - Heavy The Eclipse 012. Kyo & Jeuru - All The Same Dream 013. Topdown Dialectic - Topdown Dialectic 014. Snail Mail - Lush (remaster) 015. Pavel Milyakov - Eastern Strike 016. Robyn - Honey 017. Falcon Black Ops - Vol. 1 018. CTM - Red Dragon 019. Ariana Grande - Thank You Next 020. Robert Lippok - Applied Autonomy 021. Various Artists - LACKRec. vs. Magic Power 022. Henning Christiansen - The Executioner 023. Against All Logic - 2012-2017 024. Scandinavian Star - Solas 025. Happa - PT3.2 026. Prime Minister of Doom - Mudshadow Propaganda 027. Ciara - Dose 028. Joy Orbison - 81b 029. Drew McDowall - The Third Helix 030. Felix Blume - Death in Haiti: Funeral Brass Bands & Sounds From Port au Prince 031. Teyana Taylor - K.T.S.E. 032. Borai & Denham Audio - Club Glow Vol. 1 033. Demdike Stare - Passion 034. Christian Zanési - Grand Bruit - Stop! l'horizon 035. DJ Healer - Nothing 2 Loose 036. Suzanne Ciani - Quadraphonic LIVE 037. Amnesia Scanner - Another Life 038. Various Artists - BROR08 039. Joy O & Ben Vince - Transition 2 - Systems Align 040. Lamin Fofana - Brancusi Sculpting Beyonce 041. ACT! - Universalist 042. Randomer - HS002 043. Vladimir Dubyshkin - Cheerful Pessimist 044. Hugo Massien - Almost Becoming Lucid 045. Barker - Debiasing EP 046. CLUBKELLY - GLOBAL 93 047. Ron Morelli - Disappearer 048. Jenny Hval - The Long Sleep 049. Tierra Whack - Whack World 050. Chambray - Nectar of Joy 051. Deben Bhattacharya - Paris to Calcutta: Men and Music on the Desert Road 052. Stef Mendesidis - Klockworks 23 053. Various Artists - Running Back Mastermix 054. Andrea - Forse 055. François Bayle - Tremblements... LP 056. Childish Gambino - This Is America 057. Efdemin - Naïf 058. Skee Mask - Compro 059. Cardi B - Invasion of Privacy 060. 700 Bliss - Spa 700 061. Chontane - Red Island EP 062. Honnda - Maraschino Mic Drop 063. Martyn Bootyspoon - Silk Eternity 064. Objekt - Cocoon Crush 065. Addison Groove & Bim Sanga Present Bags Inc. - Dance Trax, Vol. 17 066. Puce Mary - The Drought 067. Gonçalo F Cardoso - Impressões de uma Ilha (Unguja) 068. EQD - Equalized #008 069. Félicia Atkinson - Coyotes 070. Low - Double Negative 071. The Mistys - Pregnant Mannequin 072. Adlas - Arrival by Air 073. Vainqueur - Reductions 1995–1997 074. Xzavier Stone - THIRST 075. Kelman Duran - 13th Month 076. Lyra Valenza - Scan, Deliver 077. Bjarki – Oli Gumm 078. Answer Code Request - Gens 079. Forward Strategy Group - East Port Rangers EP 080. Voronoi - Vis-Viva 081. Olsen - Dream Operator 082. Mih-Ty - MIH-TY 083. Textasy - Dallas Gun Club 084. D.Dan - Covert Operation 085. Ursula K. Le Guin & Todd Barton - Music and Poetry of the Kesh 086. Duran Duran Duran - Choose Death 087. Jean C. Roché - Oiseaux Du Birds Of Venezuela 088. Vanessa Rossetto - Fashion Tape 089. Domiziano Maselli - Ashes 090. Smerz - Have fun 091. The Body - I Have Fought Against It, But I Can't Any Longer 092. Grizzle – Quinine 093. Rkss - DJ Tools 094. SHXCXCHCXSH - OUFOUFOF 095. Perfume - Future Pop 096. Stefano Moretti - Land of Mikuni 097. Sim Hutchins - Clubeighteen2thirty 098. Yves Tumor - Safe in the Hands of Love 099. Martyn - Voids 100. Sophia Loizou - Irregular Territories 101. Fracture - Soundboy Get Nervous 102. ABSOLUTE. - Malfunction 103. Diptera - 001 (antenna) 104. Nathan Micay - Whities 017 105. Alex Kassian - Hidden Tropics 106. The-Dream - Menage a Trois Sextape 107. Regal - Still Raving 108. Fumu - Sinuate 109. Evol - Ideal Acid 110. Various Artists - Only Promo Ma Poule 111. Mariah Carey - Caution 112. Ian Isiah - Shugga Sextape (Vol. 1) 113. Marie Davidson - Working Class Woman 114. Aoud - SE MKII 115. Konrad Wehrmeister - 5050 116. The Advent - Klockworks 22 117. Lucy Railton - Paradise 94 118. Virtual Self - Ghost Voices (Raito Remixes) 119. BE3K - Exoneration 120. GALT Faculty - E B O W 121. Art Alfie - The Bo Allan EP 122. Pendant - Make Me Know You Sweet 123. DJ Boring & Frits Wentink - Wasted Years of Pumping Iron 124. Contactless - Static 125. Was A Be & Synth Ethics - Systems 011 126. Helena Deland - From the Series of Songs Altogether Unaccompanied Vol. I 127. Freddie Gibbs - Freddie 128. Tessela & Lanark Artefax - Blue 01 129. Erma Grid - From a Band of Thoughts That Ended My Year 130. Dold - Mother EP 131. Eartheater - Irisiri 132. Age Coin - She Who Sold Me Told Me 133. Agrippa - Mygraine Urgraine/Harbour Run 134. Shame - Songs Of Praise 135. Severin - Safe Following Distance 136. RAMZi - Phobiza vol. 3: Amor Fati 137. Yen Towers - First on Comedown 138. Ludwig A.F. Röhrscheid - Xhale 139. Tee Mango - #2 140. Swarm Intelligence - Against The Dying Light 141. Céline Gillain - Bad Woman 142. Repro - Feel Extraordinary 143. Gila - Shedskin Pt.33 144. Jan Nemecek - Recurrences 145. Various Artists - Midnight in Tokyo Vol. 2 146. Various Artists - HYS001 147. No Moon - Infinite Dreamz EP 148. Prayer - Vital 149. Cadans - Slit EP 150. D. Tiffany - Feel U 151. The Empire Line - Rave 152. DJ Seinfeld - Sakura 153. 3KZ - A Love Supreme 154. Overlook - Never Understand 155. Ligovskoï - Esam 156. FJAAK - Havel 157. Scalameriya - Hellzone Megapunk EP 158. Drake - Scorpion 159. Locked Club - Svoboda 160. Young Echo - Young Echo 161. Reeko & Jonas Kopp - Realidades Holográficas I Torre de Babel 162. Hiro Kone - Pure Expenditure 163. Bruce - Sonder Somatic 164. Arkajo - Avasarala 165. TML - I Need An Exit 166. Thom Yorke - Suspiria 167. Various Artists - EDITSELECT36 168. Patrick Siech - Our Exile 169. Lucrecia Dalt - Anticlines 170. Qnete - Shtum 018 171. Future & Juice WRLD - WRLD ON DRUGS 172. Demian Licht - Female Criminals Vol. 3 173. Veronica Vasicka - in silhouette 174. 999999999 - RAVE REWORKS 175. Azari - Gotasoul 176. Varg - Nordic Flora Series Pt. 5: Crush 177. Mount Eerie - Now Only 178. Rabit - Bricks in a Draught 179. Elad Magdasi - Liquid Dreams 180. Tomas Urquieta - Dueños de Nada 181. The Higher - The Core 182. Ross Birdwise - Drunk Formalism(s) 183. Alan Fitzpatrick - System Addict 184. H4L - Four Lights 185. John Maus - Addendum 186. L-Vis 1990 - 12 Thousand Nights: Club 187. BLD - For Rave Use Only 188. Various Artists - Don’t You Mess with Cupid, 'Cause Cupid Ain’t Stupid 189. Ksmisk - Mikrometeorittene 190. Mark Leckey - Exorcism Of The Bridge @ Eastham Rake 191. Ross from Friends - Squaz 192. Rae Sremmurd - SR3MM-Jxmtro-Swaecation 193. Ricardo Villalobos - Silent EP 194. Young Thug - Slime Language 195. Phobia NL & Blacksun - Crossfire EP 196. X-Coast - XTC 197. Asymptote - Belief System 198. Ambivalent & Alden Tyrell - Detente 199. Christine and the Queens - Chris 200. Big Miz - Build-Destroy 201. Locked Groove - From Beyond 202. A$AP Rocky - TESTING 203. Paranorman - FUD001 204. Subradeon - Walking Through Motown EP 205. LMajor - Dig the New Breed, Pt. 1 206. P.Leone - The My Lita Project 207. P€PA & Z$OLI - Pzs_Rave 208. Adryiano - Dreams With EP 209. Appleblim - Life in a Laser 210. Vril - Omniverse EP 211. Бassae - Untitled 212. Gabber Eleganza – Never Sleep #1 213. Senyawa - Sujud 214. Radial - Tympana 215. N1L - 山卂ㄒ乇尺 爪乇爪ㄖ尺ㄚ 216. Dibek & Lodig - Lap.AM 217. Jonny Greenwood - Phantom Thread 218. Urulu - Foreign Depths 219. David Goldberg - EMO Serialism 220. DJ Different - Permission 2 Dance 221. Prg_m - Berytus Groan 222. Funeral Future - Hard Candy EP 223. Voiski - Sick Parrots 224. serpentwithfeet - soil 225. Company - Prosody 226. Stanislav Tolkachev - Champions Breakfast 227. Asquith - The Conditioning Track 228. Awdha - UNO 229. Dedekind Cut - Tahoe 230. Harrison BDP & Garth James - Vapour Trails EP 231. Sugar - No Sex Only Feelings 232. Duppy Gun Productions - Miro Tape 233. Mike Davis - Communique From an Absent Future 234. Cabasa - Uncle Sigmund's EP 235. Various Artists - Eel Behaviour: Sniper 236. Silicon Scally - Live at Scand 237. E-Talking & Laksa - Blue 04 238. Jacquees - 4275 239. Marcel Dettmann - Test-File 240. Acre - Hollow Body 241. #.4.26. - MDR 24 242. Blood Orange - Negro Swan 243. Various Artists - Bavarian Stallion Series 003 244. Developer - Off Grid EP 245. 90 Process - No Warehouse Needed 246. Sector Y - CS_TMS 247. Charli XCX - Focus & No Angel 248. Paula Temple & Eomac - ETXC001 249. Cassius Select - Fake Death 250. hekla - Á 251. UNIIQU3 - Phase 3 252. Sedvs & Peel - The Plf Sessions I 253. Yugen - Ineffable 254. Europa - Alpanya 255. LSDXOXO - BODY MODS 256. Roper Rider - Motion Profile 257. Forest Drive West - Un 258. Petar Dundov - Dalmatina & Once We Were Here 259. Desiigner - L.O.D. 260. Renick Bell - Wary 261. Nicki Minaj - Chun-Li 262. Locked Club - ЛОМАЙ EP 263. Dopplereffekt - Athanatos 264. Glaskin - Grey Lines 265. Beta Librae - Subspecies 266. Oisel - Entroterra EP 267. Conforce - Zero Point-Field 268. Raito - One Step Beyond 269. Hioll - Hioll 002 270. Various Artists - AEX005 271. Rune Bagge - Pink Dreams 272. Tensal - Industrialsociety EP 273. Mathias Schaffhaeuser - Love Idol 274. Notzing - 014 275. Michal Wolski - Still Life 276. Aphtc - When Grounds Shift 277. DJ Sneak - 3D Print 278. Bylly - Mouth Full of Sand 279. CUB - Seeing From Above 280. Farrago - Risin' 281. Amotik ‎– Amotik 009 282. D-Leria - Driving to Nowhere 283. The Cyclist - Alabaster Thrones 284. Roza Terenzi & DJ Zozi - Planet Euphorique

[archivalcollecting]

OBJECT 008: Beaded flower earrings / Made by A. Mathias of Squamish Nation / Gifted during research project, 2016.

[mareviola]

List of Sims

The First (and only) Matriarch - Lilian Castillo

001) Adrienne (f: Travis Scott) 

002) Bridie (f: Johnny Zest) 

003) Cecily (f: Don Lothario)

004) Debora (f: Louis Bergeron) 

005) Emi (f: Joshua Shipley) 

006) Amari (f: Duke Schmitt)

007) Bret (f: Duke Schmitt)

008) Conan (f: Mortimer Goth)

009) Fawn (f: Dakota Davison)

010) Gena (f: Kale Draper)

011) Haven (f: Barry Davison) 

012) Dudley (f: Noah Bradshaw)

013) Elias (f: J Huntington III)

014) Finnigan (f: Malcom Landgraab)

015) Garry (f: Colin Whitman)

016) Ianthe (f: Yahir Quinones)

017) Heston (f: Ezra Blackman)

018) Irving (f: Jordon Shipley)

019) Jai (f: Malachi Bergeron)

020) Keanu (f: Alfred Freeman)

021) Jesse (f: Ronnie Riggins) 

022) Lando (f: Alexander Goth)

023) Kayley (f: Tristen Carrillo)

024) Lacie (f: Tristen Carrillo) 

025) Micheal (f: Leonel Sharma)

026) Niklaus (f: Joey Woodall)

027) Marcie (f: Lewis Schmitt)

028) Orlando (f: Albert Wheeler)

029) Petar (f: Asher Rouya)

030) Quentin (f: James De Monte)

031) Narelle (f: Alexander Waldorf)

032) Octavia (f: Darrius Deaton)

033) Raphael (f: Sammy Groves)

034) Stefan (f: Sammy Groves)

035) Penelope (f: Vernon Camp)

036) Queenie (f: Jack Dogwwod)

037) Rylie (f: Yannik Theissen)

038) Theophilus (f: Clayton Wiseman)

039) Ulysses (f: Clarence Fields)

040) Sofia (f: Channing Hauser)

041) Van (f: Emiliano Billings)

042) Walter (f: Gulliver Christensen)

043) Tasha (f: Gulliver Clinton)

044) Unice (f: Gulliver Clinton)

045) Xavier (f: Duke Pickett)

046) Vivian (f: Chance Mosley) 

047) Wendy (f: Yahir Whipple)

048) Xanthe (f: Federico Michaels) 

049) Yvonne (f: Hector Lemus)

050) Zaira (f: Pablo Pringle)

051) Yves (f: Franklin Grove)

052) Zayn (f: Mathias Kay)

053) A. Aurelia (f: Venkat Katz)

054) B. Brielle (f: Joel Arriaga)

055) C. Carmela (f: Ahmad Sneed)

056) A. Amon (f: Ernesto Krause)

057) B. Benjamin (f: Raymond Christiansen)

058) D. Dessa (f: Elvis Escobedo)

059) E. Eliana (f: Phillip O’Neill)

060) C. Caden (f: Kasen Stiles)

061) D. Derik (f: Coty Nardone)

062) E. Emet (f: Avery Weller)

063) F. Fabio (f: Jon Lyman)

064) F. Fiora (f: Edison Lam)

065) G. Ginger (f: Edison Lam)

066) H. Hera (f: Conor Ceja)

067) I. Ivy (f: Omar McKinnon)

068) J. June (f: Aiden Cornell)

069) K. Karlee (f: Frank Kerner)

070) L. Leila (f: Nathanial Duran)

071) G. Glen (f: Floyd Jarrel)

072) H. Henry (f: Floyd Jarrel)

073) M. Mollie (f: Caden Rebuschatis)

074) I. Ivan (f: Giancarlo Vo)

075) N. Nadia (f: Dale Land)

076) J. Jordan (f: Ken Jacobson)

077) K. Kurt (f: Jamie Gamble)

078 ) L. Luis (f: Cannon Swenson)

079) M. Miles (f: Lonnie Robledo)

080) N. Neel (f: Eduardo Gallo)

081) O. Oliver (f: Daryl Costello)

082) O. Ophelia (f: Jarod Hong)

083) P. Philip (f: Jarod Hong)

084) P. Petra (f: Louis Nance)

085) Q. Quirrel (f: Gil Chow)

086) R. Riven (f: Gil Chow)

087) S. Sebastian (f: Ahmad Shipp)

088) Q. Quin (f: Dusty McCarty)

089) T. Tyler (f: Jorden Rodgers)

090) R. Regina (f: Zackery Ngo)

091) U. Uriel (f: Miguel Coley)

092) S. Sissy (f: Walker Bacon)

093) T. Terri (f: Tate Posey)

094) V. Vincent (f: Gideon Richey)

095) W. Wade (f: Gideon Richey)

096) X. Xander (f: Forrest Romano)

097) Y. Yuuri (f: Forrest Romano)

098) U. Uma (f: Pablo Morales)

099) Z. Zack  (f: Jairo Stapleton)

100) V. Victoria (f: Loren Neumann)

[la-isla]

LA ISLA #014

001 - Estrellas De Ritmo - San Juan P R 002 - Bonet de San Pedro - Adoracion 003 - Nappy Lamarandhis Levee Loungers - Mama Inez 004 - Roscoe Gordon - Maria 005 - Germano Mathias - Falso rebolado

006 - Germano Mathias - Minha pretinha 007 - Anjos do Inferno - Nega do Cabelo Duro 008 - Anjos do Inferno - Nega 009 - Aracy de Almeida - Tenha pena de Mim 010 - Trio de Ouro - Carreteiro 

[father-jude]

.

While Jude believed in free will he also believed strongly in a grand plan. A mystery that he could never fully understand. A left turn instead of a right. A bomb on one road instead of another. One answer instead of something else. All of these choices by them and others that lead them both here. To this small room. To each other's arms. There were things he didn't fully understand. Like what created resonance between two souls over others. Usually it was just a deep hum inside of Jude's chest that he felt when Mathias was near. Almost painful at times as the vibration became overwhelming.

Jude understood hurt. He'd born witness and carried his own for a long time. Chased meaning. Chased relevance. Chased purpose. Chased grace. Chased love and acceptance and felt like he could only have one from the greater world. Suffering was part of life. But so was joy. Bitter and sweet. One couldn't be without the other. Mathias he hadn't had to chase. He'd just appeared and crawled into his life. Making a strange space for himself in Jude's world. And he was a starkly cut creature of extremes. Trying to help Mathias was like holding sand. Grip too hard and it ran out of your fist. He had to wait for Mathias to pour himself into his open and offered hands. And so Jude waited, hands and heart waiting. He'd waited so much of his life away. For what? Maybe for this?

Jude felt his heart tighten and flutter in his chest at the thanks.He brushed his fingers over Mathias' cheek, his shoulder, reaching up to his hair again as he spoke. Jude nodded his head. "It's okay. You already have." He kissed Mathias back, with a deep care and warmth. Holding him close. He broke the kiss a little to say, "You can touch me."

.

Mathias came into peoples' lives like a storm. Thunder and lightning that was carried by an ever growing cloud. No one knew where he came from, they were too occupied with the destruction he rained down. But if they ever took the moment to look into him, they'd learn that he wasn't always a hurricane. It took a long time for him to get to where he was now. The scars on his body spoke of that.

He never had a problem with showing himself. His body spoke of pain that someone at his age shouldn't have gone through, but that never bothered him. Mathias never thought about his scars, not until Jude came along. The way the other man would gently touch them, it made him feel so loved. To have someone's hands on him with the only intention of being loving. He moved back slightly as Jude sat up. From here Mathias could really see his face. All the details that he so tenderly loved. He just wanted to be seen. He just wanted to not be alone anymore.

"I can't think of many people who only want for me to be happy, but thank you". There was usually a price to pay for something like that, or their words just never seemed genuine. He could remember a time where people wanted the worst for him. They wanted him to burn for what he did, to suffer like he made others suffer. But if Jude wanted him to be happy, then Mathias would fight like hell to be happy.

Mathias looked at Jude with a softness in his eyes, "I hope I can do the same for you, Jude". They both deserved this. No gang or god could take this from them. He cupped Jude's face again and kissed him with a warmth he had not used before.

[father-jude]

.

Jude touched Mathias with care and reverence. Brushes of fingertips through his hair. The other hand softly moving against raised scar tissue. He bent his head back and up as Mathias' held his face as they kissed. Focused on Mathias' responses and his wants. When he pulled back Jude's hands let him go without protest. His own breathing a little heavy after the kissing.

His eyes widened as Mathias removed his shirt. Jude sat up a little on his arms. Looking over Mathias' upper body. And he reached out his hand very carefully, running his fingers over each mark. He imagined the pain associated with each one. It was a long litany of harm and mistreatment. And Jude's hands read the marks like Braille. He cared very much for this man. And he knew that Mathias cared very much for him. To try and show Mathias what love and care could look like was a slow process for Jude. Not just because of his own complicated feelings of worry and guilt and shame but because he didn't want to leave worse, invisible scars on the younger man. Jude knew that he had no authority over Mathias. This was not about power or dominance. This was not an out of control lust that bore Jude away. Though there were moments where he felt that tug. And what this easily could have turned into. Instead he sat up on the bed keeping Mathias where he was in his lap. He reached one arm around the younger man running his large hands over Mathias' back, taking the time to find each scar. While his right hand brushed fingers across Mathias' cheek bones, looking into the other's face. "Yes." He looked down at Mathias' body and then back up to his face, "I see you. All the things you show me. All the things you don't. And all I want... is for you to be happy."

.

There had always been things missing in Mathias' life. Things he had chased after desperately. It wasn't easy for someone like himself to ask for the softer things in life. He was often met with disgusted looks as people pushed him away. Once he was finally able to put those missing pieces back, he never wanted to let go of them. That was where his loyalty bloomed. He believed if he stayed true and faithful to the ones he cared about, then they would never leave him. If he could hold on to them, then they would never slip from his grasp. He never wanted Jude to leave, and Mathias would do whatever he could to make sure the other man stayed put.

The scars on his body told many stories. Battle wounds created by others that were still fresh, and ones created by himself that were beginning to fade. His violent life was written all over his skin. A majority of the time the scars were hidden, usually under an oversized hoodie or long sleeve shirt. They weren't hidden out of shame or anything like that, rather they were concealed because it didn't fit the normal facade Mathias had to maintain in public.

Mathias waited for Jude to say no, and if he did he would have quickly removed himself from his spot. Instead of hearing that word, Mathias was pulled down and kissed. He sighed, feeling a weight off his shoulders again. He could relax for now. We can stop when you want but what if he didn't want to stop? What if they didn't have to stop. He kissed Jude back, his hands going to the other's face so he could hold him.

He stayed like that for a while, letting their kisses grow more heated naturally. Mathias felt a bit drunk from it all and pulled back from Jude. Unsteady hands went to the hem of his shirt, shaking with anticipation. It's better this way he told himself. Mathias pulled his shirt from over his head, bearing his scars to Jude in a moment of vulnerability. His chest rose and fell as Mathias folded his hands in front of him, "...Can you see me, Jude?" he asked. He knew the priest was aware of what and who Mathias was, he had seen what he could do. But this was different. This was Mathias showing Jude how human he truly was, and how much he wanted to feel human as well.

[father-jude]

.

Jude's guilt was stitched into him, built in from the earliest of ages. But he had found that the more Mathias was around the more he looked for him when he wasn't. There was peace and love in his soul. And in these moments there was worry for them both. And each time chipped a little more of his guilt away. He hadn't been struck with a lightning bolt. And he quietly thanked god everyday for the good things. Even while he was aware that what God gave He could take away.

His fingers pushed up into the t-shirt fabric to find the bite mark on the shoulder. Following the curving line of the scar. The scar on his own palm still pink new skin as it healed. he couldn't help but look again at the visible scars that were littered in a haphazard fashion across the skin of his arms. He looked up when he realized that Mathias had continued speaking to him. He looked up at Mathias with a deep concern and care for the other. The positioning was a little different. But with Mathias on top of him he felt like the younger man had a bit more control which calmed him. He was always so careful of Mathias. Never wanting to press ever. It was a very complicated feeling. Most of these moments were cuddling, gently exploring and just touching for comfort. At the comment 'do more' Jude's eyes widened in surprise. His expression softening immediately as Mathias cleared his throat and continued. Jude lifted a hand and touched the side of Mathias' face, his thumb running over the scar.

He reached up further and ran fingers through Mathias' hair. Looking up at the bright blue eyes of the other man. "Come here..." Jude coaxed Mathias to lean down to press their lips together slowly, softly, reverently. Jude closed his eyes and whispered against Mathias' mouth. "We can stop when you want us to stop."

.

Mathias didn't think of sin the same way Jude did. It didn't weigh heavily on him nor did it bring him any guilt. From his point of view, he was put on the earth to commit these crimes. He couldn't feel guilty about doing what his nature called for. But there were sins that Mathias didn't recognize, ones he didn't realize were problems.

Loving Jude had been the first time he was introduced to said crimes. There were far worse things for people to frown upon, so he didn't understand why they held vitriol towards who a priest could or couldn't love. They weren't harming anyone as far as he was concerned, and they were both happy. That should have been enough. He wanted it to be enough.

If Mathias could lift Jude's guilt from him, he would. He'd soothe his fears and worries, allowing him to live fully like Mathias did. All those nights where they had to stop could be a thing of the past. They could ignore the world outside and just be themselves.

He smiled as Jude traced over his scars. Something he had noticed was how much the priest liked to touch them. The way he gently traced each and every one, he same way he would run his fingers through the light pages of his holy book. This is what it meant to be cherished. Mathias wasn't sure what to do next, he didn't have any experience nor knowledge on how to make things go forward. So he just shrugged.

"I don't really know...I mean, I want to do what we always do...and if we do more..." He cleared his throat, surprised at how difficult this was. "And if it's easier for you, I don't have to touch you or you don't have to touch me if you want. I totally get it". He smiled again to show that he was alright, "I just wanna do what you're alright with. I trust you, Jude".

[father-jude]

.

Jude thought a lot about sin. About what it meant to sin in deed and in thought. He didn't take the break of his vows lightly. Or the things he'd been fighting in himself for almost twelve years. But perhaps the worst sin is that Mathias made him happy. And there was of course the thought in the back of his mind that the more Mathias was here with him the less he was out in the world committing the sins that have driven him for so long. But that wouldn't have been enough to tempt him if he didn't see how happy Mathias was when they were together. He had only wanted to help Mathias and others. And perhaps that was the sin of pride.

But then Romans 5:21 came into his mind, that where sin abounded, grace much more abounded. He thought about his namesake, his patron, the medallion he could feel resting on Mathias' chest under his fingers. How could he forget to trust with all his heart and lean not on his own understanding? And he hadn't known that his man was under all those blood and scars.

They had gotten 'carried away' before but Jude had always stopped them. The nights that were very uncomfortable for both of them. But this was not a light or casual decision for either of them. And Jude was not going to do something with Mathias until he could be there fully with him. He deserved that much for his first time. Not some guilt riddled wreck.

Jude's hands began to slowly move over Mathias, in search of his scars. He made it a point to touch them. To try and imbue them with good memories. And to help him stay grounded in the present. It was easy for him to get lost. Jude continued to kiss Mathias, gently until the younger man responded. Jude opened his eyes and nodded his head. But then Mathias slid on top of him and Jude's hands were on Mathias' arms, looking up at the other with a small touch of concern. Jude looked up at Mathias and made an almost audible gulp. But he slowly nodded his head, "This is alright... But what do you want to do?"

Mathias could count on one hand the amount of people he trusted with his life. Those that could easily convince him of anything because of his loyalty he had towards them. Jude was one of those people. He gave Mathias hope and happiness, something that was missing from his life. Things felt complete now that he was around, and he wasn't going to let that go.

He felt like a person again. The feeling had been lost years ago, after being seen as something that was better suited living under a bed or in the dark. But now things were better. He had a family and he had someone to call his own. It was more than he could ever ask for.

Learning what his needs and desires were took time. There were trials and errors, harmless experimenting with other handsome men (but never too far), and eventually Mathias became aware of what he liked. Touched and kisses, from simple to heated, it was all alluring to him. Even more so when they came from someone he felt an intense connection to. There were nights where they had to physically pull themselves away, usually excusing themselves to wash their face or catch their breath. Those nights were difficult. Mathias wouldn't mind, and he wanted it, but he knew Jude couldn't make that decision so easily.

When they laid down together, Mathias stayed close to Jude. He could also feel his heart beat, racing with excitement and desire. Mathias wanted to apologize for it, understanding that he wasn't making any of this easy for Jude. "I'm alright...Are you alright?" He asked. He felt a little emboldened, perhaps from how he felt after the gift, or from the pent up desires he had. Mathias kissed Jude back, but made his way on top of the other man, straddling his hips. His hands settled on Jude's shoulder, careful not to do too much (considering). "...Can we try this?" He asked against Jude's lips.

[father-jude]

Jude had spent a lot of time with people that had been called monsters or had labelled themselves as such. There didn't need to be any monsters, men and free will was enough monstrosity in the world. But that being the case also meant that anyone could be redeemed. As everyone had already fallen short. The more Jude learned about Mathias the easier it was to give him the space and time to point out the good in him. To nurture love in the other.

It wasn't about fixing Mathias, it was showing Mathias that the way he'd lived wasn't the only way left for him. And he had found loyalty, curiosity, an abiding kindness for animals and yes, even love in Mathias.

The physical part had always been the most difficult piece of this relationship to navigate for Jude. He wanted to give good moments, good experiences to Mathias. But he had so much guilt about the vows he'd taken. The promises he'd made. Kissing Mathias was like being drunk after a while. All of that pent up desire. Small movements of hands, brushes of knees, the soft needful sounds. It was more than a little maddening. But above all Jude needed to know that Mathias was alright. When Mathias broke the kiss Jude opened his eyes, blinking with kiss swollen lips as Mathias pulled on his sleeves.

He followed, unable to do anything else. Slipping off shoes as he laid down next to Mathias, pulling the smaller man against his longer frame. He held them together, before he bent his head and kissed Mathias softly. Putting a hand on Mathias' chest and feeling his heartbeat as he asked quietly, "Alright?"

Patience was all that was ever needed. Mathias needed someone that wasn't quick to write him off as a lost cause. He had been too young to know it, but all the doctors and professionals had failed him as a child. They saw what he had done and never once thought to figure out why. They just labeled him as a monster and then set him aside with the rest of the unwanted things. Jude had given him that patience and a way to live out a life he never thought he could.

There were many reasons why he felt the way he did. From how Jude never seemed to turn Mathias way, to how he touched and held him gently. Life didn't have to be so cold and unloving. Any past sins he committed were forgiven, washed away by the promise of a life without them.

Mathias could have stayed there kissing Jude forever. Kissing him was the best way he could show Jude what he felt without speaking. But it was dangerous. The thin line they often tip toed across, careful not to take things too far (even if they both maybe wanted it). It was a game of making sure the other was certain and okay, while trying to calm nerves and be secure in their own choices. He had to pull back from Jude again, breathing hard. His hands trembled as he tugged on Jude's sleeves, pulling him back towards the bed. Words wouldn't do it justice.

He wanted to lay with Jude, and he let go of the other just so he could climb into the bed they shared. Mathias laid down among the pillows and sheets and reached his arms out to Jude, inviting him in with a reassuring smile.

[father-jude]

All of these good moment were the ones he wanted to feed. Seeds in the ground of Mathias left to go fallow. But Jude had believed they were there, they just needed watering. Loving, kindness. No one was ever past hope. He encouraged Mathias spending time at the Church, encouraged him and the gardening, the cats, all the ways he wanted to help. Because he was more than a killer. So much more.

Jude was happy that Mathias liked the gift. Hoped it would be a tangible reminder of all the pieces of the person Mathias was. The person that Jude could see.

The Priest had said those words before. Months back. But when he'd said them they had meant something else. Something closer to duty than desire. The words Mathias had just said, he believed them, felt them like a small warm light shining on him. Kissing the other with every ounce of his being. A stolen moment. Like all of there moments were. He let Mathias break the kiss, looking down at the shorter man and smiling softly. Jude reached up and touched Mathias' cheek, brushed away a tear and ran fingers through his hair.

The press forward caught Jude by surprise. Just like the teeth in his lip ripped a small caught groan from the older man. His hands gripped the back of Mathias' t-shirt as they deepened the kiss. Unable to go anywhere, stuck between Mathias and his desk. There was a fleeting momentary thought that they should stop but it evaporated against Mathias' tongue.

It felt greedy at times. Being able to openly receive a pleasure that not many in his situation were allowed to have. How many could do what he did, then go back home to someone who was able to wash all the blood away and still love him dearly. Whether it was luck or fate, Mathias would be sure to send his gratitude up to the stars for bringing Jude in his life.

He would never remove the necklace, as Mathias wanted it on him at all times. The thought that someone was looking out for him did make him feel a little more invincible. It also gave him a reason to make it back home after every mission. That was more than anyone else had given him.

He wasn't expecting Jude to say it back. The words hung in the air as they kissed, and he felt the emotion roll off of Jude. What they had, however unconventional it was, was something to behold. It was pure and it was real. The kisses were soft as he breathed Jude in. Mathias only pulled away because he had forgotten to breathe. He blinked the tears away and looked up at Jude again then took his hand in his. The smile on his face wouldn't go away and Mathias was fine if he lived out the rest of his life like this.

He got up again to kiss Jude, but this time it was a little more intense. His teeth caught on the other's lips and he pressed their bodies together.

[father-jude]

It wasn't from the lack of want between them. But Mathias' inexperience coupled with all of Jude's personal and professional hangups. It had stayed soft, gentle, holding someone, touching their face, their hands, their scars. Acts of adoration. Some days they were braver with each other. Others when it was difficult to even hold hands. But each day they learned something about the other. Some of his favorite moments was when they were curled together and he read to Mathias. Or Mathias cooking for him and then insisting after that Jude put on one of his records and dance with him.

Jude smiled when Mathias said it. Close enough. He nodded. "Just a little thing to watch over you." He'd wanted to give Mathias something to keep him safe. Something to remind the younger man of Jude no matter where they were. To help him remember that life didn't have to be violent.

Seeing the shine of unshed tears in Mathias' blue eyes caused his heart to stop for a moment. But that was nothing compared to the next moment. He looked at Mathias his brown eyes full of emotion and he nodded his head softly. But before he could answer he met Mathias' lips with his own, arms coming around him to hold him as they kissed. Putting the words into the action.

There was never any need to rush into things between them. Even if they didn't kiss, Mathias was content. The closeness of Jude was all he really wanted anyways. Being physical with someone was new to him still, and both had an unspoken agreement to take it one day at a time. But what Mathias never denied was just sharing a space with the priest. He liked looking upon his face, seeing the small changing in an expression, or hearing him speak in hushed tones. All of that was more powerful than any kiss to him.

As he turned and waited he could feel Jude moving behind him. He felt the necklace being put around him and Mathias opened his eyes to look at it. It was pretty, very much so, and not what he expected as a gift. He bent his head down to look at it, "...The saint of hope and impossible causes" He mumbled.

Mathias didn't know much about religion let alone Jude's, but he had made an effort to try to read up on it. Pendants like this were given as protection, a way to have your own little saint with you throughout your life looking over you. It brought him back to the moment on the subway and how Jude instinctively kept him safe from falling over. It was then that everything became very clear to him. To be loved was nice but to be cared for, that was something stronger.

He turned back around, looking up at Jude with wide eyes. He wasn't going to cry but he certainly looked like he was going to. Because this was the nicest gift he had ever received and the most thoughtful. One hand held the pendant in a tight fist as his other reached up to cup Jude's face. He got on his toes so he could be closer to Jude, and whispered against his mouth before kissing him.

"...I love you, Jude".

[father-jude]

Jude didn't deny them the kiss out of spite or maliciousness. He did it because he needed to know that this was more than just some fleeting physical desire. Even if he already knew that. He had to prove it to himself, maybe even a little to God. Deny enough to earn it. Every touch meant something beautiful and apocalyptic. But it would have been so very mundane to anyone else, in another life. Jude wanted to be careful and kind to Mathias. To make sure every act was deliberate and from the right place in his soul. But he could never fully shake his guilt about this, all of it was merely Jude being selfish.

He felt the hands on the back of his neck, bending him down as he held the other in a soft hug. He nodded, not trusting his voice for a moment as fingers toyed with his hair. Looking at Mathias as the younger man closed his eyes Jude pressed his lips to Mathias' forehead and reached behind him, fishing the envelope open and pulling out the modest silver necklace and the pendent on it. He sighed and said, "Turn around real quick." And waited for the hands to slip off his neck as he put the necklace on Mathias. "It's a small thing, a St. Jude pendant. Do you remember me telling you what he's the patron saint of?"

It ached. There was no other word that could easily describe what he felt other than that. It was an ache that made his heart feel so heavy and light at the same time. This man, so perfect and pristine, in front of him was the source of that ache. The need to scream out how much he loved Jude in order to make the ache go away. Even when it was just shy touches or stares caught between them, his heart felt like it would burst out of his chest.

Looking up at Jude was like seeing a full moon in the night sky. The silver light illuminating the world as stars twinkled around them. He had been in Jude's arms so many times before and it was just as breathtaking. He slipped his arms around Jude's neck, his hands touching the hair on his neck. "You do?" He said in a hushed whisper. "Should I look at it first before kissing you?...Better yet, I'll close my eyes and you can surprise me with it". His smile was light, one that was really only reserved for Jude at this point. He closed his eyes like he said but didn't move from Jude's space.

[father-jude]

It had become a sanctuary within a sanctuary. This little piece of what Jude thought of as paradise. He knew that it was still incredibly foolhardy of him to allow this to continue the way that they were. But that small, selfish piece of his heart wanted the peace that these moments gave him. Craved them. It wasn't the physical aspects it was being known by someone. To be not just wanted but needed with a single mindedness that it sometimes worried him. But he could see the change in Mathias. And that was were he could feel God.

He felt Mathias' warm hand in his as they moved closer together. His hand moved up the younger man's arm to rest on his elbow. Looking down at Mathias' face. He was so staggeringly handsome to Jude in these moments. He pulled Mathias close to him. Pressing his forehead against the other man's. What was a kiss? A violation of vows. But not a sin. No, this couldn't be a sin. Jude closed his eyes and inhaled softly. Feeling their mouths so close that each breath was breathed into the other. He curled his other arm around Mathias' waist. Pressing his face forward and running his lips across Mathias' cheek as he spoke. "I have something for you... On the desk."

Mathias' world revolved around the tiny apartment, inside the small rooms and among all the books and sheets. It lived on the kitchen counter next to the coffee maker, and within the cabinets where he started to hide treats for himself. It looked a lot like morning rays cascading from the window as the sounds of night faded and the rest of the city woke up, falling upon brown curls resting on a pillow. It was silent like the evenings they spent just enjoying each other's company in peace, but it also chimed with laughter and the clinking sounds of the kitchen as they cooked together. And what a beautiful world it was.

There weren't many things he could ask for from Jude, because he had already given so much. The bare minimum was more than enough for Mathias. Just being able to stand in a place shrouded from the rest of the world, free of judgement and danger, was absolutely enough for him. Mathias came close as Jude reached out for him, taking his hand like he longed to at the Block Party. "I know you will say yes, but I like asking". He got closer, standing up taller so he could better reach Jude. Their mouths just a breath apart as he looked at the other man with eyes full of wonder and adoration. "Can you kiss me please?"