#Maia's using up all of her confrontational points in one day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shuahoonie · 4 years ago

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out of love [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader

SUMMARY: being close friends with your ex is fine, right? even if your love for them was unparalleled among others. even if you were still in the process of moving on from them. even if you know they’re happy with someone else. even if you have no clue whether they loved you like you loved them.

WARNINGS: foul language, so much angst, it starts ok at first then goes downhill from there. i literally write things on the go so i don’t know if this will have fluff at some point

(if it does and i didn’t state it here, send me a cute photo of tom and a message of: ok wow she pulled thru 🤪; and if it doesn’t have fluff, send me a meme and a message of: miss girl i simply cannot today ✋😃)

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

A/N: hello! tonight, we are going to be sad!!! i know i usually like to write about all things fluff, but this?? this is just for me because i am having one of those episodes. i just need to feel something again aside from the stress of writing 3 academic papers per week lmao. i’m def not expecting people to like this type of vibe but yannoe. i apologize in advance.

this is inspired by that one episode from new girl (season 6 x ep 16)

gif credits: @thollandgifs

vanessa’s masterlist | taglist form | part two - pandemonium

“You know, you can still live with us right?” Your friend Maia commented as she placed the box, labelled “fine china that mom gave me but will i ever use them?”, on the kitchen island.

“I know,” You murmured dropping the heavy case of pots and pans on the floor. “But maybe living alone will be good for me.” You replied, forcing a smile. “Besides, I don’t want to int—“

“Hey, Y/N, where do you want this?” Harrison asked as he held out a box that’s labelled with “books that my grandpa passed on. HANDLE WITH CARE!”

“Oh, just set it down on the living room—“ before you could even finish, Harrison dropped the box on the floor as if it was nothing. “Harrison!” You hissed, as you quickly rushed to check on the box.

“Y/N, babe, they’re just books. Surely they can withstand any amount of pressure, yeah?” Haz tried to reassure you.

“Haz, those books are from my grandpa—which I’m sure he got from his grandpa.” You sighed. “They’re really old and fragile, so I just want them to be in a well enough condition to stand in my bookcase.”

“‘m sorry,” He murmured, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s just, why do you have to move out?” Harrison asked, frustrated at the whole thing.

“Like I told Maia, maybe having my own place will be good for me.” You replied calmly, as you neatly put the box filled with your grandpa’s books in the corner room—the initial place where you want to build your bookcase. “It’s been a while since I’ve lived on my own.”

“Yeah,” Harrison acknowledged “But there’s absolutely no reason for you to move out. You can’t possibly leave me with her!” He pointed at Maia who let out an audible gasp. Harrison was being dramatic of course.

“Haz—“ You were trying to fight off a laugh. “You two are my constants and if I became dependant on having you two at my convenience, it’s going to be a huge problem.”

“In my opinion, I don’t see it as a problem.” Maia pointed out childishly. You shook your head in disbelief. You had to move out because you miss having a place to yourself— a place where you can be at your complete worst and you don’t have to think about your friends worrying about you.

Besides, moving out means you don’t have to see Tom that often and that was a bonus in your book. It wasn’t a sour breakup per se, it’s just really difficult to feel happy for your ex when he practically showcases how different he is now with his girlfriend.

You prided yourself as a mature and well-rounded person who could be complete friends with her ex as if that’s normal. You could only keep the façade for so long.

Four months. It’s been four months since you and Tom broke up. You lived with Maia soon after the breakup and that enough was a blessing. Maia couldn’t bear to handle the fact that you would be alone at a time like this. Harrison usually crashes at Maia’s so he was bound to move in with you two. In fact, he was always there more often than you.

That was the point where you were convinced that Harrison liked Maia and that Maia liked Harrison.

Conveniently, you and Tom never ��officially’ moved in together so you could avoid him freely at all costs.

Of course, that was eventually going to end soon. You and Tom were in the same friend group so you were bound to see each other, much to your dismay. You couldn’t exactly make Harrison and Maia pick friends because it’s not fair for anyone.

You were all friends before you and Tom decided to date. Maybe that’s why people say to never date a friend—especially if they’re near and dear.

You were coming back from work when you found people in the living room, and as if the universe really wanted to test you, it was the least likely people you’d expect to see.

“Y/N!” Maia’s voice was pure panic. “I didn’t know you’d be home this early.”

Your eyes quickly flickered between the two people standing across you before you diverted your attention to Maia. “Uh—yeah. There wasn’t really much to do in the office so I came home early.”

Maia turned to Harrison who was equally lost on how to handle the situation. I mean, who wouldn’t?! What were you supposed to do when your friend drops in unannounced with their new girlfriend and to makes the matters worse, your other friend—whom your friend dated before— decides to come home early?

You didn’t know how what kind of spirit took over your body that prompted you to extend your hand to the girl sitting beside your ex and say: “Hello, I’m Y/N.”

The girl looked surprised but shook your hand in return. “Nadine,” Nadine smiled slyly “I—um, I’m Tom’s girlfriend.”

Tom looked mildly uncomfortable but you chose to ignore it. You were becoming good at that—ignoring Tom.

You returned the smile at Nadine. You could feel the burning stares from your friends, mostly Maia. You cleared your throat and said, “I’ll just be in my room to finish the papers I need to send to my editor if you’ll excuse me.”

Before you left completely, you gave Nadine another smile and said, “It’s nice to meet you again, Nadine.”

You don’t remember how you got to your room but that was the least of your concern. You were just undeniably overwhelmed with what just happened that you didn’t even notice that there was a knock on your door.

When you opened the door, it was the last person you expected to see standing in your doorframe.

“Can we talk?” Tom asked in almost a whisper.

You gave him a half shrug and opened the door slightly wider for him.

“We’re okay, right?” He asked, looking at you in the eye.

At this point, you convinced yourself that you were numb. You never talked about the breakup. You never overtly said anything about what you felt. You felt empty. You convinced yourself that you were empty.

You stared back at Tom and without missing a beat, you replied “Of course. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Just admit that you two will miss me,” You teased, grabbing another box from Maia.

“Only if you admit that you’re moving out for an entirely different reason,” Maia whispered carefully as her eyes flickered towards Tom who was also helping with your move out.

You pressed your lips together and acted like he wasn’t even there. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, you know, like a liar.

You weren’t a vocal person. The idea of talking about your feelings was really difficult for you so you try your best to avoid it. Actually, it’s worse than that. You’d go to extreme lengths to avoid confrontation.

Obviously, it wasn’t healthy. You would always distance yourself whenever you feel emotionally exhausted, and you really meant that distance. It wasn’t bad at first—maybe a day or two was all you needed before you felt comfortable enough to be around people again.

Then it became worse when you were in university. You were beyond unreachable. Aside from being emotionally exhausted, you were mentally drained too. You were always buried with papers and readings which was unavoidable but it took a huge toll on you. So whenever you get a chance to get a break, you completely shut off from people.

Your friends definitely noticed it and they tried their best to help.

Tom was among the people who definitely went out of their way to help you. He would always drop by at your dorm with food or coffee—he would literally just drop them off, most of the time. He would leave small notes that up to this day, you still kept and tucked away in a box.

Both Maia and Harrison followed Tom’s approach. They would all alternate on who’s dropping what and when. Some days, Maia would drop off a new skincare product she’s been using or a lovely box of macarons from your favourite patisserie.

On other days, Harrison would drop off some of his home-cooked meals or maybe a book he saw from a local bookstore—a book that reminded him of you.

Tom was very persistent though. He would sometimes wait out on the hall, just so he could see you and reassure himself (and your friends) that you were okay.

You found it taxing at first—you would often try your best to match the energy from your friends, which only left you exhausted at the end of the day. You wanted space and you clearly weren’t getting that from Tom. You did acknowledge that he only did it out of pure concern.

You often wondered why he did that, staying, but you didn’t ask him. You never did.

Maybe you were afraid that you’d come off as rude or that you’d seem ungrateful for dismissing someone when they’ve clearly taken the time off their day just to check on you.

However, every time you’d open that door, it always seemed that Tom would breathe a huge sigh of relief when you lock eyes. Even if it was just for a quick second. You wondered about that too.

Tom wasn’t really being intrusive. Most of the time, he will leave a few minutes after you’d open the door to get the things your friends would drop off. You’d always ask him if he wants to stay inside for a bit, but he’d always decline.

Except for that one time, though. That one time that you knew you were going to fall in love.

It was the week of midterms and deadlines. You were knee-deep with papers from different classes that demanded to be finished that week, one of which was a research paper that practically tied you to your laptop and made you consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

It wasn’t until 2 am when you were about to go on a quick drive to a McDonald’s but saw Tom dozed off in the hallway, his back pressed against the wall.

“Tom,” You shook him gently, trying not to startle him. “Tom, wake up.”

His eyes slowly fluttered open, seemingly disoriented at first but would soon fall into the warm familiarity that your face always brings.

“Why are you sleeping in the hall?” You asked quietly, careful not to make a fuss. The walls in your dorm were very thin and you learned that the hard way. You’d think they’d put a disclaimer about that in the lease when you’re housing a bunch of university students with raging sex drives.

It took Tom a minute to fully comprehend the question, seeing that the bright fluorescent light was being harsh on him and that he’s generally like that when being jolted awake.

“Oh, erm, I—” Tom was finding the right words to use. He can’t exactly exclaim ‘I’ve been worried sick about you!’ out of nowhere. Instead he said, “I was waiting for you to open the door, just to see if you’re alright.”

“All night?”

Tom scratched the back of his neck. “It seemed that way, yeah.” He muttered sheepishly.

You were dumbfounded. Surely this was the first time someone actually fell asleep outside your door, waiting for you to come out. It was sweet but highly unnecessary.

“I was just about to head out and get some McDonald’s, do you wanna come with?” You asked, giving him a hand to hoist himself up.

“I should get going—“

“Have you eaten yet?” You asked cutting him off, taking Tom by surprise. He shook his head no. “Then you should really come.” You said, jingling your car keys in front of him.

Tom was debating whether or not to go with you. It’s been a while since you hung out, but that was the same case for everyone. None of your friends have properly hung out with you ever since the semester started.

Tom should say yes, right?

“Let’s go, Tommy,” You said as you grabbed his hand and dragged him across the hall. “I’ve been staring at my laptop all day and I really need some unhealthy food to balance out the concerning amount of caffeine I’ve consumed.”

“Is that why you’re practically bouncing off the walls?” Tom asked amused, trying to keep up with your pace with your hand holding his.

“Totally,” You grinned at him. “I need to wear out the caffeine or else, I’d have to skip my morning class again.”

“French?”

You nodded. “They’re counting the amount of absences in that class and I really need to keep my shit together.”

“‘m not exactly sure why you took that as an elective,” Tom commented, properly wrapping his hand around yours with fingers interlacing each other.

You tried to ignore it, you really did, but the warm feeling that settled around your stomach drove you crazy.

“Why not? I think it’s cool to learn another language.” You nudged him playfully which he gladly returned.

“I know and trust me, I’m in awe that you’re learning another language! erm—I guess it’s just I feel like you’re overworking yourself too much.” Tom pointed out softly, hoping he didn’t come off as rude or intrusive.

“Eh, I don’t mind.” You replied “It’s what drives me to keep going and for me that’s more than enough. Even if it leaves me little to no sleep, even if it takes too much of my time—it’s enough reason for me to do it.”

Tom stared at you in admiration as soon as those words slipped out your mouth and you didn’t even notice it. You were walking towards the student parking lot, consumed by the twinkling lights from the neighbouring lanes near campus.

Maybe if you weren’t busy consuming the quiet campus grounds, you’d notice the very first time Tom fell in love with you.

“Besides, I know a phrase in french now.”

“Hm—and what’s that, then?”

“Je ne suis pas l’escargot”

“L’escargot? Isn’t that—“

“I am not a snail,” You giggled. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

Tom laughed, “I supposed so.”

Maybe if you weren’t so afraid of confrontation, you’d have an idea of when Tom knew that you were his person.

See, the thing is— you needed to face reality sooner or later and both your friends could see right through it.

“Honestly, Y/N, how on earth can your box of art materials be this heavy—” Tom appeared in front of the door frame, heaving as he carried the box from two flights of stairs.

You quickly averted your gaze from Maia, who was staring at you expectantly, and cleared your throat. “You can just set them by the door, Tom. I don’t know where to put them yet.” You said as you tried your best to act normal.

“You sure? They’re a tad heavy and I don’t want you to strain yourself.” Tom asked with furrowed brows.

All you could do was nod. The last thing you wanted was Tom’s focused attention on you.

“If you say so,” Tom sighed in defeat “I’m going to grab more boxes—Baby, you don’t have to carry that!” Tom was quick to disappear as he urgently dashed towards his girlfriend, Nadine.

“Oh, but I want to help, Tommy.” You heard Nadine say sweetly, assuming she was also pouting.

You could see Maia roll her eyes, urging you to give her a nudge and a taunting look. “Maia,” you called her out, silently pleading her to stop.

Maia settled down but she wasn’t exactly calm about it either. “I’m still not sure why she’s here.” She murmured. You and Harrison were close enough that you can hear her rambles—which was expected from her anyway.

Maia and Nadine go way back—like toddlers and playgrounds kind of way. Though that sounds figuratively adorable in a way, Maia and Nadine never got along.

Nadine used to date Maia’s brother, which already caused Maia a great demise. As one could expect, the relationship didn’t end well. She left him out of nowhere, saying she needs to find herself—or something along those lines.

A week after the breakup, what Nadine found was herself in the arms of another man. Of course, Maia’s brother was devastated—He truly loved Nadine. Maia had to be the pillar that her brother leaned on. It took Maia a great amount of time to help her brother pick up the pieces that Nadine left.

So yeah—Maia wasn’t thrilled when she heard that Tom was Nadine’s new boyfriend.

“She offered to help, Mai,” You whispered “Who am I to deny help?”

Maia looked at you as if you managed to empty your head while you were moving in between flats. “She’s been after me ever since we were kids. She’s also the reason why it took my brother months to get out of bed,” Maia deadpanned “and She’s Tom’s new girlfriend. Remember Tom? Your ex?” She said rather loudly.

You gave her a tiny pinch on her arm, causing her to yelp. “Maia, are you nuts?!”

Harrison left the two of you so he could grab more boxes, while you and Maia bickered silently amongst each other.

“You are thicker than I thought—Seriously, Y/N. Quit pinching me!” Maia aggressively rubbed her arm.

“They’re going to hear you!” You hissed. “The last thing I want is for those two to get involved.”

“Babe, they’re already involved. Tom, especially.” Maia remarked. “I see the way you look at Tom. I also see the pain you feel whenever he’s with she who must not be named.”

“I’m not doing this Maia,” you mumbled as you walked past her. Your objective was now to help Harrison with the remaining boxes. Your objective was anything but to talk about you and Tom.

“You have to face it sooner or later, Y/N.” Maia called out “I’m not leaving you or this apartment until you tell me what really happened.”

“What’s going on?” Harrison asked as he entered the apartment, carrying three sets of boxes. You grabbed one from him and actively avoided his question.

Before Maia could reply, Tom and Nadine appeared on the doorframe, with Nadine practically glued to Tom.

“Harrison got the last remaining boxes so we’re heading off now,” Tom announced as Nadine’s face painted with clear desperation to get out of your place. “Are we still going bowling tonight?” Tom asked before Nadine whispered something in Tom’s ear and left.

“I’m actually exhausted so I’ll pass,” You answered, obviously avoiding spending time with your ex and his current girlfriend. You’re not that pathetic.

“Same might actually have to just drink the night away,” Maia responded with a grin.

“Well, there’s no way I’m third-wheeling so I’m good,” Harrison said as he threw himself towards the plush teal couch that you snagged from a flea market.

For the tiniest second, Tom seemed disappointed but gave a tight-lipped smile. “Oh, maybe we can reschedule our bowling night, then?” He asked. “It’s not as fun to go bowling with just the two people.”

You, Harrison, and Maia all shared a look. You weren’t on board with bowling-night, to begin with, but you didn’t want Tom to feel as if you were avoiding him—which you were but no one needs to know that.

Maia looked at you, waiting for an answer because god knows she will solely depend on her decision based on yours. You don’t even have an answer, to begin with.

“What are you two supposed to do then?” Harrison asked Tom. Thank god for Harrison.

“I might take Nadine to this poetry jam event that she’s been dying to go to” Tom replied with a soft voice.

“A poetry night?” Maia almost wanted to laugh “You don’t even have the slightest interest in literature, Tom.” Maia didn’t mean to offend him or maybe she did? She wasn’t completely fond of Tom ever since you and Tom broke up—well, she wasn’t fond of the idea that Tom was dating her ‘arch nemesis’, but Tom was her friend and so were you.

“I know that, Mai.” Tom rolled his eyes “but Nadine likes it and I’ll do everything to make her happy.” That left a bitter taste in your mouth.

“If you say so,” Maia murmured before she took a quick look at you. She looked like she wants to give you the biggest hug. But you held a stoic look on your face—something that you picked up because you were afraid of confrontation.

“I’m serious,” Tom defended, lost in his feelings, which only irked Maia even more.

“I know, I heard you— we heard you,” Maia replied, her face showing only one emotion: annoyed. “God, read the room,” Maia grumbled to herself. Harrison had to reach for her hand, urging her to calm down.

“I really love her,” Tom whispered. That left a slap in the face.

It was a cold Saturday afternoon and it has been raining almost all day. It was one of the rare weekends that you weren’t really occupied to do anything other than to lay on your couch and consume a copious amount of entertainment.

Despite the spitting rain, you actually want to head out this time. Being confined to your desk and the university was torture especially since you couldn’t do anything about it—the four of you were graduating this year, no one could afford to slack off.

You and Tom were cuddled against the sofa— Tom was busy watching something on TV while you were busy scrolling on your phone.

“Hey, Tom?”

“Yes, my sweet girl?”

“Do you want to go downtown?” You asked, looking at your phone as you read the details of an event happening this weekend.

“Right now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed. “There’s a book fair being held at the local theatre.” You rested your chin on top of his chest and gave him a pout. You were getting sick of being cooped up between your study table and the library. This book fair was a change of scenery and it’s definitely right up your alley.

“But it’s raining, darling” Tom tried to say in the softest way possible. It’s not exactly up in Tom’s interests though.

“I know,” You sighed “I guess I’m just getting sick of this place.”

“You’re getting sick of me?” Tom asked with a huge pout. He was kidding of course.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, Tom.” You chuckled softly.

“Okay,” He hummed, pulling you closer to him—if that was even possible. “Then can we stay like this for a while?”

“Anything for you, angel.” You whispered as you closed the details about the local book fair. Maybe next time.

Soon after Tom left, Maia pulled you to her side and asked, “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You feigned innocence. It was clear as day that you weren’t okay, your friends knew that.

Knowing that you weren’t going to budge, Maia walked towards the kitchen and brought out a bottle of wine from the fridge.

Harrison raised an eyebrow at her and asked, “When did you manage to put that in the fridge?” All of you had been occupied with grabbing boxes that there was no way that Maia had the time to put wine in the fridge, let alone obtain them from somewhere.

“It was supposed to be a celebratory drink for Y/N’s new place,” Maia replied as she set the wine and three various mugs on the coffee table. “Obviously, that’s not happening now.” Drinking wine using the oddly designed mugs you collected over the years was a cry for help.

“It’s 4 pm, Mai.” You pointed out as you stared at the white LED clock that you bought off Amazon—another impulse purchase enabled from scrolling on Pinterest for way too long. “We haven’t even had lunch yet.”

“Oh please,” Maia snorted “If there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s drinking with little to no food consumption.”

“And if there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s cancelling all of my plans for the entire day because I have to tend your hungover-self, Mai,” Harrison remarked as he grabbed the bottle and placed it back on the fridge. “I’m ordering food and no one’s drinking until everyone has finished a meal.”

You heard Maia mutter a string of curses but most especially the part that she said, “This is not the version of daddy that I envisioned Harrison to be.”

All of a sudden Maia’s idea of binge drinking doesn’t seem like a bad idea, you thought.

Turns out Harrison had no intention of letting any of you drink. He was pretty adamant about not having to babysit two drunk messes in one night.

“As if babysitting one isn’t enough,” You recalled Harrison say. He was obviously pertaining to Maia, in which she just huffed the entire time. You often wondered if Maia and Harrison noticed the obvious tension between them, because personally you found it endearing. It was no question that they were meant for each other.

“Y/N, you still haven’t told us whatever happened between you and Tom.” Maia suddenly pointed out. You, Maia, and Harrison were still in the living room, silently watching TV.

You were actively avoiding this conversation for the longest time as you haven’t told anyone about it, and based by the curious faces of your friends, you figured that Tom didn’t tell anyone about it either. You’re still not sure whether that’s a relief or not.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You mumbled. It’s not like you were lying, there really was barely anything to talk about. Heck—You and Tom never got to talk about it properly either.

“We see the way you look at him, Y/N.” Harrison replied softly. “I think there is something.”

“Look—” Maia sat up properly “I know you’re not really vocal about your feelings, but the fact that you’ve never talked nor showed any emotion about your breakup terrifies me, babe.” Maia’s tone was laced with concern.

“I remember the day you told us about it too,” Harrison couldn’t hide his concern too “We were having brunch together at our usual diner and half-way through our meal, you promptly said “We broke up” when Maia asked where Tom was,” Harrison recalled it like it was a fever dream. He and Maia had already expected that you weren’t going to tell them about the breakup when it just happened. However, it baffles them that it’s been over a year since you and Tom broke up, and not one word has been said about it.

It was silent for a while, except for Criminal Minds that was playing on the TV. You blankly stared at the screen, hoping that you’d catch whatever the agents were saying. It was impossible, especially when all your mind could focus on was the recollection of the day Tom knocked on your door at 1 am to breakup.

You were relatively busy that day from volunteer work, so you haven’t seen any of your friends the entire day—or Tom for that matter. Actually, you haven’t seen Tom in a few days. He would send texts periodically throughout the day but they were always short and most of the time, you always forget to reply.

You figured Tom was busy with his own thing and both of you established early on in your relationship that texting—or lack thereof— shouldn’t account to your relationship, especially since both of you are equally bad at it.

You didn’t think any of it since you were bound to see your boyfriend and your friends tomorrow for brunch anyway. He will have your undivided attention by then.

So imagine your surprise when you heard a soft knock from your door at 1 am, only to find Tom in disarray. His eyes were bloodshot red, tears falling down his face. His messy curls were masked under the hood from his jumper.

At first you were in panic, you thought that something terrible had happened to any of your friends—his family even.

But as soon as Tom dropped to his knees and whispered, “I’m sorry,” you had a clear idea what was bound to happen next.

It’s been silent for a while. The door was still open and Tom sat out in the hall with his back leaning against your wall. You did the same thing except you were on the other side of the wall that Tom was leaning on.

You two were close enough to the door frame that you could hear each other, actually facing each other was a whole other thing. Tears kept streaming down your face as you kept your eyes closed and rested your head against the wall.

At some point in your relationship, you prepared yourself in case this happened— that you would accept whatever happens between you and Tom. You didn’t exactly anticipate that it would happen so soon.

“Was there someone else?” You asked quietly. It was the first time you spoke after Tom dropped to his knees. You hoped there wasn’t. In fact, you silently begged to yourself that there wasn’t someone else, because you knew that you couldn’t handle that.

“No, no—of course not.” Tom immediately answers.”I could never do that to you.”

It was silent again. You were starting to feel numb—you tried your best to gather your thoughts and forced words out of your mouth, but you couldn’t.

“Are we not worth fighting anymore?” You practically whispered. It was a gamble— you weren’t exactly sure if Tom had heard it and you don’t have enough strength to ask it again.

“Y/N,” Tom sniffled. “You can’t say that.” He placed his hand on top of yours. You had your hand resting on the floor and you didn’t exactly notice that it served as an invitation for Tom hold it again.

You love Tom with all your heart. He kept dismissing it but Tom made you a better person. He made you feel like love can be expressed through different forms of things—not just words.

You loved him by exclusively making time for him. You went on museum dates where he would make cheesy remarks, saying that you’re the most remarkable piece of art in the entire place. You went on dates to watch football games—you never understood it but Tom was happy, so you were happy.

You loved him through your touch. You would often massage his back because he had been tirelessly working himself to the core. He didn’t ask for it but you knew it would make him feel better. Your touch didn’t have to be intimate—though you expressed it through that way too

You loved him through mindless actions. Almost every time you would stop by at the local cafe to grab yourself some coffee, you would always recite Tom’s favourite order on autopilot.

You loved him through silence. Study dates were gems for you. Even if you didn’t talk for the entirety of it and even if you were the only one who studied for the most part and Tom was just playing on his phone, having Tom beside you was enough.

You loved him so much that it pains you to think that maybe you weren’t enough for him.

“I don’t think I can fight for someone who doesn’t even want to,” You muttered bitterly. “Just answer the question, Tom.”

He didn’t answer. All you could hear were the silent sobs that you two were trying to hold back. At this point, you knew you wouldn’t look at Tom. Your heart wouldn’t take it—it will crush you.

“Are you not happy anymore?” Your voice cracked as you broke into a sob.

“Y/N—“ Tom squeezed your hand even more. You’re going to miss it, but you had to let go.

“Tom, if I’m standing in the way of your happiness then we should end this.” You cleared your throat and pulled your hand away. There’s a ghostly feeling that still lingered from Tom’s touch.

“Please, Y/N, let me explain—“

“It’s okay, Tom.” You whispered. “I understand.”

“You know I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Tom.”

“But—“

“But maybe it’s best if we end it, I know. I got it.” You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down from crying. “Maybe it’s better if we stayed as friends.” Maybe it’s better to realize that whatever you and Tom had were too good to be true—that your love will never compare to the love he deserves.

“Do you want the truth?” You asked your friends, with tears forming in your eyes. You can’t even decipher how they looked at you because of the tears clouding your vision.

Were they looking at you in pity? Empathy? Sadness?

“The truth is—I’m mad.” You gritted the words through your teeth. This was the first time your friends had seen you like this. All of the pent-up sadness, aggression, and hurt you felt was starting to get the best of you.

“I’m angry. I’m hurt.” You snarled, furiously wiping the tears from your face. “I’m angry at the fact that I can’t seem to be genuinely happy for Tom. I’m hurt at the idea he seems to be a better boyfriend for Nadine, that he constantly makes an effort for her.”

“I don’t even know if he even loved me the way that I loved him,” Your voice became quiet “and it’s selfish for me to think that way because I never fought for it—for us. That’s enough reason to keep me up at night.”

That’s enough reason for you to wonder if you’ll be capable of loving someone so deeply again.

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom @tabi-toast

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x fem #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland blurb #tom holland and reader #tom holland and you #tom holland imagines #tom holland x y/n #tom holland au #tom holland and y/n #the girl writes i guess #txmhoellandwrites

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reblogs-by-a-frog · 3 years ago

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Some Modern AU headcannons for Silmarillion elves (+some non elves) that just make sense to me

I ended up writing quite a few dot points, so I'll put them under a Keep Reading thing lol

- Maglor falls into the habit of using pens as hairband replacements while song writing - Curufin has yet to figure out how to do the pen-messy-bun hair trick and it infuriates him. Even more so when Celebrimbor figures out how to do it first try

- Turgon wears exclusively monochrome outfits, and Argon refuses to wear matching socks

- Annatar sends Celebrimbor mis-info tumblr heritage posts like Alexandria's Genesis and Celebrimbor falls for it every. single. time

- Feanor and Morgoth have an ongoing heated Twitter feud - Nerdanel asks why Feanor doesn't block just Morgoth and Olorin thinks it's hilarious free entertainment - In truth, the only account Feanor has blocked is Fingolfin's

- Galadriel and the Feanorian twins made up their own secret language, which they later taught to Fingon too

- In every family photo posted to social media by his siblings, Maedhros, without fail, will have the top of his head cropped out

- Glorfindel sends Ecthelion the wackiest memes and shit

- Idril once called Maeglin "sus" at a family gathering and there's been no peace since

- Galadriel definitely directly @'s politicians on Twitter and calls them fucking stupid

- Nerdanel has a YouTube channel dedicated to sculpting - Her sons all watch every single one of her videos and frequently appear in her videos

- Celegorm tried to take Luthien to court once over ownership of Huan. Now Celegorm gets Huan on weekends.

- The zoom calls omg - Feanor hasn't attended since the very first - Fingon hosts and regularly takes advantage of the Mute Other People Power but will innocently deny it if confronted - Aredhel is the only one, to this day, who has figured out how zoom filters and backgrounds work

- Gil Galad and Elrond built a treehouse which was later invaded by Celebrian and Thranduil - They find Beleg and Turin living under it at one point and all decide to just not say anything

- Glorfindel is the certified owner of the "I lived, bitch" meme

- Beren once ate dirt unironically because he was too tired to realise that it wasn't a cup of coffee beans - As a result of this, Thingol is literally horrified to learn that Beren eats raw coffee beans

- The real reason that Feanor is on bad terms with Fingolfin is because Fingolfin found Feanor's Tumblr account when they were teenagers and leaked it to the whole family group chat

- Maeglin's a movie nerd and knows every line from his favourite franchises, as well as all the obscure behind-the-scenes fun facts

- Finarfin, bless him, still has no idea how social media works but his kids all assure him that that's a good thing

- There's a Discord server. - There's also a secret Discord server for the least problematic of the elves. Nerdanel started it. There aren't many members. - And there's a Maia Only group chat that has never had a single peaceful moment, ever

- No one has seen Caranthir in years because he moved to another country the moment he was legally allowed to, but he still appears every now and again in the Discord chat to react to various messages that have nothing to do with him

- One time when Maedhros and Maglor were babysitting Elrond and Elros, Fingon dropped by and ended up teaching the twins how to braid ribbons into their hair

- Beren and Finrod often go on forest + mountain walks - Luthien and Huan will go with them sometimes

- Someone made an anonymous account to send Game of Thrones memes to Turin. He has yet to figure out who it is. (Spoiler alert: it's Olorin).

- Regular debates between Grey's Anatomy watchers (Celegorm and Curufin) and Scrubs watchers (Galadriel) while the rest of the group chat has to watch - Sometimes Amrod and Amras will google Good Doctor references to throw into the debates just to stir things up even more

- Celebrimbor and Nerdanel collabs on YouTube - Annatar hates this because Nerdanel is actually a non-manipulative craft partner to Celebrimbor, but Annatar can't say anything about it because Celebrimbor loves his grandma. Annatar is losing his mind - Annatar ends up making a whole YouTube channel about craft making purely to spite Nerdanel but honestly she couldn't give a single shit what he thinks lmao. Celebrimbor is blissfully unaware

- Feanor exclusively uses a typewriter because he thinks it makes him look sophisticated - Melian exclusively uses a typewriter because she thinks it's funny

- Luthien refuses to drink coffee

- No one in Fingolfin's house can drive - Fingon is the closest, but he just has an electric scooter

- Idril knows everyone's zodiacs

- Galadriel is a tax evader and no one has intervened yet because she's scary

- Maeglin probably tried to start an emo band at one point, and when that failed, he turned to doing acoustic covers of Evanescence songs in the subway

- Glorfindel once got his hair stuck in an escalator - Ecthelion nearly laughed himself into unconsciousness and Glorfindel had to walk around with a mullet for like three months before his hair started to grow out again

- Thingol likes using the phrase "Back In My Day"

- Elwing pronounces "memes" as "me-mes". So does Maedhros. Therefore, so does Elrond. - Maglor pronounces "memes" correctly, but he doesn't bring it up because he thinks it's funny

- Everyone in Feanor, Fingolfin and Finarfin's houses has little ribbon phone/ bag accessories that Fingon and Curufin made for them

#there's also an ongoing and extreme twitter doxing war between literally every single character #morgoth keeps trying to convince the elves to become anti-maskers but none of them fall for it #bit of a long post but if you know the characters then ur used to reading long works of fiction so I figure it's fine #tolkien #the silmarillion #the silm #modern au

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egelantier · 4 years ago

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Yuletide Recs

Having had two days of more or less nothing but reading fics, I come bearing recs!

First of all, my amazing gifts:

The Goblin Emperor

For Thy Principles

The nohecharei of Edrehasivar VII were unparalleled in their defense of his person, but there were limits to even their prowess. When Maia first developed the fever, Cala quickly determined that it was not the end result of a magically-based assassination attempt – and from there it had to be left to the court physicians.

Maia falls ill, and Csethiro protects him as best she can.

Beautifully gentle Maia sickfic, with Csethiro holding him together. For me all for meeee.

Benjamin January Mysteries

Dry as a Bone

“Oh. Well, I’ve been better, maestro, been a hell of a lot better to tell truth.” Shaw stared at him for a long moment, and he was stunned to see honest to God grief in his eyes. Even when Shaw had just lost his brother he had been so much more himself than this lost man currently standing before him. “Not that I mean to put anything extra on your shoulders, I’m sure you’ve got enough of your own shit going on at present moment, but it seems like I’ve just lost my job.”

Shaw loses his job, and finally confronts Ben about trust (and lack thereof) between them. It’s GREAT.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

A Distraction Worth Losing

They may never be together, but the gods would have to move heaven and earth to split Rune and Brand apart.

Brand, Rune and The Kiss incident. (Poor messed up babies, somebody save them.)

And fics of the collection:

17776, Astreiant, Raksura, Frederica, The Gentlemen, The Goblin Emperor, Hades, Innkeeper Chronicles, Jeeves, Kate Daniels, King Arthur the movie, My Next Life as a Villainess, Nirvana in Fire, No. 6, Psmith, The Secret Garden, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Swordspoint, The Tarot Sequence, Teixcalaan Series, The Temple of the White Rat verse

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future

so far, so fast

When Manny gets a craving for some fancy meal he had once, over ten thousand years ago, Nick decides he’s gonna fulfill that craving, no matter how hard it is. Because real romance is about making the impossible happen for his husband.

Goddamn transcendental.

Go Get It

Sometimes you start out just planning to get some groceries with your husband, and next thing you know, you’re committing to join the most hopeless team in college football.

Nick and Manny decide to play. It’s perfect.

Afterlife

A young man dies six months before the end of human death; his loss saves five lives, which end up much longer than anyone expects. (A series of worldbuilding vignettes about original characters in the 17776 setting.)

Made me cry, in a very cathartic way.

Astreiant Series - Melissa Scott & Lisa A. Barnett

April dressed in all his trim

A quiet evening in spring.

Sweet little slice-of-life with lovely sensory details.

Books of the Raksura

The Second Consort

“When Glow arrives, be friendly and welcoming,” Ember said. “Not scary.”

“Why does everyone think I’m going to scare him?”

Chime said, “They can see your face when you look at him.” He paused, glancing over at Moon. “That face, that’s the one.”

Ember sighed. “I remember being in his position. It’s pretty nerve-wracking coming to a new court and not knowing what’s going to happen to you there - whether they’re going to welcome you or shun you, whether you’ll make new friends, whether a queen is going to claim you…” He came and put a sympathetic hand on Moon’s shoulder. “Glow is probably worried about all of those things, and missing his home and clutchmates, and it’s our job to try and help him relax.” For a moment Moon thought he was just being soft-hearted, until Ember added, “He won’t open up and tell us what’s really going on unless he’s relaxed.”

Jade takes in a new consort, on Moon’s permission, and everybody is delightfully adult about it.

Frederica

Lady Alverstoke

Frederica commences her first Season as a married woman by planning a ball, promising most straitly that her husband will have nothing whatsoever to do …

Sweet and funny slice-of-life post-happy-ending for canon.

**The Gentlemen (2019) **

Even

The week after he intercepts Fletcher, that squirrelly little cunt, outside the London Miramax office, Raymond reluctantly ventures down to Brixton.

Under normal circumstances, Raymond tends to give this part of Brixton a wide berth, but he has unfinished business that needs attending to. Of course, that doesn’t mean he has to like being accosted by the overwhelming smell of greasy fish and chips when he pushes the car door open, doesn’t mean he has to be pleased about stepping into a piece of chewed-up gum the moment he sets a foot on the kerb.

But then, he can always take a shower after an errand in Brixton. The deep-seated discomfort of unfinished business doesn’t wash off that easily.

Raymond tries to pay Coach back for saving his life, and it doesn’t quite go as planned :D

The Goblin Emperor

The Archduke’s Discovery

Prince Nemolis goes on a journey, and learns a bit more than he wanted to know.

Really great point of canon divergence, and true and precise character voices.

Hades

all the spaces between us

For a place full of the dead, crammed with ghostly shades and nothing but the endless lull of eternity unchanging, gossip sure travelled fast in the Underworld.

Or, Zagreus mulls over his relationship with Thanatos while the rest of the Underworld get overly invested.

Slow, slow, slowest of burns.

Innkeeper Chronicles - Ilona Andrews

A Quick Trip

“It’ll be a quick trip,” Maud said, more to herself than to Arland. “No one will even notice we’re gone.”

Pirates are plaguing an ally, just outside of vampire space. Maud and Arland don some aesthetically beat-up armor and try to get more information from the pirates themselves. Of course, plans only last until you meet your enemy. Or your enemy’s giant alien attack boar.

Excellent canon voice, action/adventure sprinkled with badassery and hilarity.

Jeeves & Wooster

August Thirteenth

Discovering that this is not the first August thirteenth that he’s lived through, that certainly was a head scratcher. Luckily Bertie has the stalwart presence of his man’s man, Jeeves.

Very, very great and satisfying use of the time loop.

Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews

lookin’ like a snack (cake)

It took Barabas a while to figure it out, because he wasn’t used to not being taken seriously.

Barabas considered several ways to phrase it, and finally settled upon, “Do you have a thing for twinks?” Christopher knocked his head back against the headrest: once, then again. “Is that a yes?”

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

When Goosefat Bill finds himself in a difficult situation, the last thing he wants is the King to show up and “help”, in his own unique and unexpected way.

Goosefat Bill does not need to be rescued by his King. But he might just enjoy it a little.

My Next Life as a Villainess (Anime)

All I Have To Bring Today

Catarina and Sophia had been discussing the latest in the Devilish Count series, and Sophia had mentioned how romantic the surprise picnic the count had planned for his lover was and how she wished for someone to surprise her like that.

“What about you, Catarina? Have you ever wished for someone to sweep you off your feet?” Sophia had asked.

Catarina makes a choice! As sweet and as hilarious as the canon.

Nirvana in Fire

Adverse Event

What a pitiful man must he have become, if the only thing he could provoke in bed was a monologue on his character flaws.

: or, the famous strategist mei changsu plays xanatos speed chess against truth serum: the fic.

Mei Changsu gets hit with an accidental truth serum; it doesn’t stop him from lying to himself, but it does buy Jingyan a clue.

Records of the Land of Xiang

There was something of Xiao Jingyan there, in the firmness of his jaw, the unforgiving slash of his brows, and most clearly in the eyes that neither saw nor conveyed deception. But Long Zhan was not Jingyan, could never be, no matter how much Changsu might wish otherwise, because Jingyan was dead.

In service to a very-much-alive Prince Qi, Jingyan dons a Jianghu-typical disguise and infiltrates the Jiangzuo Alliance to suss out this Mei Changsu fellow and see if he might be useful in helping them re-open the Chiyan conspiracy case. Basically, a slightly ridiculous premise where everyone is running around the Jianghu with masks, multiple identities, and secret agendas.

Fascinating and fun AU scenario that delves, among other things, into Mei Changsu the jianghu chef, not Sir Su the court schemer.

suffering as I suffer you

The first time Jingyan stays the night at Su Manor, he discovers an uncomfortable truth about Mei Changsu.

Excellent extrapolation of Mei Changsu’s illness into his nightly routine - with Jingyan watching…

Here, In Our Arms

With the world put to rights, however briefly, Xiao Jingyan and Mu Nihuang take the opportunity to make a fuss over their beloved Lin Shu, and will not take no for an answer.

Sweet moment of comfort.

Find the Coals Amid the Ashes

Despite Changsu’s assertions, Lin Chen is a well brought up person. He would never violate his host’s privacy during a social call. It would be inexcusable, for example, to break into a marquis’s private alchemy lab in the middle of said marquis’s birthday party, in order to search said alchemy lab for certain hard to find medicinal herbs, which one has reason to believe can be found therein. These would be the actions of a man without honour, of a man who has only desperation to his name.

Lin Chen crashes a party and makes a new friend.

The best team up ever :D

Dead Letters

Mei Changsu isn’t the only schemer in Da Liang.

Fei Liu fixes things, in the most Fei Liu way imaginable, and it’s great.

No. 6

All Good Things

In the midst of a crisis for No. 6, Nezumi returns to Shion’s side.

A reunion! And cuddling.

Psmith

The Psky Is The Limit

“As this ship’s Orator, my mission is still as it was in the beginning and shall ever be, world without end. It is to hail any message sent by comrades from outer space and pass it on to you verbatim. Well! The hour, I say, has come. The Word has come into being. Here comes Psmith, bearing news of great mirth: the intercom has spoken.”

(A Mike and Psmith Space AU)

Psmith in space! Hysterically funny Psmith in Pspace, at that.

Psmith Pops In

Psmith reached over and solicitously loosened Mike’s scarf, his fingers brushing the skin of Mike’s neck, and that young man, to his horror, felt heat creeping up from where gloved fingers brushed his bare skin. Really, this blushing nonsense was getting out of hand. Ever since Psmith had tried to take the blame in the case of the painted dog, Mike had developed an inexplicable habit of turning hot and cold around him, and these odd responses had become more and more frequent.

Very funny! And then very tragique! And then jussssst right.

The Secret Garden

The Space Garden

When Meri La Nix was sent from the Mars colony to live with her aunt at Missiles Wait Manor, nobody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen. But some of them thought it.

Beautifully inventive space retelling - with gardens, still.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty

The sky spinning above him

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

Frothy, sweet, well-grounded and hot. Also hilarious (check the end note!)

truth in fiction

Three days after Wang Zhi leaves the capital, bits and pieces of his extensive library begin arriving at Sui Zhou’s house.

Sui Zhou is really committed to research and accuracy in Tang Fan’s porn. It’s delightful.

Time don’t fool me no more

“The electrician is a Tang dynasty spy,” he says, dumping some of his eggs in Tang Fan’s bowl.

Tang Fan nods, shovels more food in his mouth, and starts talking again.

Past or future, Tang Fan has Priorities. And Sui Zhou is weak.

Meeting at the End

Sui Zhou knew he never should have let Tang Fan go alone. He knew he should have gone with him.

Really, really great and desperate whump. Super satisfying.

clever boy

Tang Fan never spares a smile for any of the girls at Wang Zhi’s establishment, he’s noticed. That’s alright, though. It means Wang Zhi gets his attention for himself.

Wang Zhi falling, falling hard; it’s delightful.

a bold and brilliant sun

“You’re sure you didn’t do something to it? They don’t usually stall out,” Sui Zhou says. He looks away from Tang Fan, out the windshield at the endless rust-red of the planet.

Tang Fan pouts at this, and slumps down on the edge of the console, feet propped up at an absurd angle against the pilot’s seat. “You think I’d fake a mechanical issue just so that they’d send a sexy Fleet crewman out here to rescue me?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he giggles. “Okay, I would do that, but I promise that this time the problem is real.”

Space AU! Most excellent space AU condensing all there is to love about the canon in one perfect package.

Blind Taste Test

Wang Zhi invites Tang Fan to evaluate Joyous Brothel’s chefs — but it’s Tang Fan and Sui Zhou who are really being tested.

Wang Zhi, ever helpful :)

Authorial Intent

Sui Zhou and Tang Fan end up in hot water yet again. Kinky sex ensues.

Hilarious, kinky, heartfelt, and in character.

Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner

Chrysopoeia

It struck Alec that this would have been much easier if their positions were reversed. Richard would have known what to do if he’d been dragged back here with a hole in his gut. He was quite simply not supposed to be the one on this end of the equation. In fact, it was possible he had done something very bad to deserve this.

Richard is wounded, and Alex is coping. Excellent h/c and excellent bloodplay and sharp, painful slice of Alex’ POV, excellently rendered.

At first — this was just like him — he thought he was hearing god. But it was only the man in the bed, whose face had turned toward him on the ragged pillow.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

Third’s a Charm

Addam asks a favor of Brand.

Addam asks Brand for help, which ends up being exactly what Brand and Rune need.

Pretty good

Five times Brand crawls into Rune’s bed and one time Rune crawls into Brand’s.

Brand and Rune, through the years.

Teixcalaan Series - Arkady Martine

Also in the Act of Reaching

When Three Seagrass arrived at Lsel Station, she was, officially at least, traveling as a private personage. She had missed Mahit and the possibilities they’d both chosen to turn away from. She also had– would always have– a gaping hole in her life where Petal had once stood.

It was simply that, left on her own, Three Seagrass wouldn’t have let either absence drag her to the ass-end of beyond.

Reunion, metaphors and realigment. Subtle and clever and just right.

The (concept of the) World Was Wide Enough

Yskandr Aghavn comes to the world like a drowning man comes to shore, but he is living on borrowed time. Teixcalaan has so many wonderful things to choke on.

Teixcalaan has had his heart for all of his life, has elevated him, corrupted him, and discarded him.

It is Lsel that he thinks of as he dies.

Temple of the White Rat Universe - T. Kingfisher

If Grace Is Too Much

Zale is given a case by Bishop Beartongue which turns out to be more complicated and personal than a holy advocate-priest would prefer.

Clever and sweet and carefully shocking, but in a very right way.

Outreach

“We don’t generally assess the… cursédness… of objects, trees or otherwise,” Beartongue said.

Utterly delightful.

#17776 #astreiant #books of the raksura #sleuth of the ming dynasty #nirvana in fire #white rat universe #telxcalaan series #the tarot sequence #swordspoint #the goblin emperor #psmith #the secret garden #benjamin january mysteries #yuletide recs

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zo2paintedlady · 4 years ago

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LGBTQ+ Novels/Memoirs

Here is the book list from my LIS 618 class. The links will bring you to their Goodreads pages.

The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater (2017) *based on a true story* "One teenager in a skirt. One teenager with a lighter. One moment that changes both of their lives forever. If it weren't for the 57 bus, Sasha and Richard never would have met. Both were high school students from Oakland, California, one of the most diverse cities in the country, but they inhabited different worlds. Sasha, a white teen, lived in the middle-class foothills and attended a small private school. Richard, a black teen, lived in the crime-plagued flatlands and attended a large public one. Each day, their paths overlapped for a mere eight minutes. But one afternoon on the bus ride home from school, a single reckless act left Sasha severely burned, and Richard charged with two hate crimes and facing life imprisonment. The case garnered international attention, thrusting both teenagers into the spotlight."

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Saenz (2012) "Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship--the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be."

The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson (2016) "Two boys. Two secrets. David Piper has always been an outsider. His parents think he’s gay. The school bully thinks he’s a freak. Only his two best friends know the real truth – David wants to be a girl. On the first day at his new school Leo Denton has one goal – to be invisible. Attracting the attention of the most beautiful girl in year eleven is definitely not part of that plan. When Leo stands up for David in a fight, an unlikely friendship forms. But things are about to get messy. Because at Eden Park School secrets have a funny habit of not staying secret for long…"

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender (2020) "Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle...."

Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe (2019) "In 2014, Maia Kobabe, who uses e/em/eir pronouns, thought that a comic of reading statistics would be the last autobiographical comic e would ever write. At the time, it was the only thing e felt comfortable with strangers knowing about em. Now, Gender Queer is here. Maia's intensely cathartic autobiography charts eir journey of self-identity, which includes the mortification and confusion of adolescent crushes, grappling with how to come out to family and society, bonding with friends over erotic gay fanfiction, and facing the trauma of pap smears. Started as a way to explain to eir family what it means to be nonbinary and asexual, Gender Queer is more than a personal story: it is a useful and touching guide on gender identity--what it means and how to think about it--for advocates, friends, and humans everywhere."

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver (2019) "When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school. But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life."

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert (2017) "When Suzette comes home to Los Angeles from her boarding school in New England, she isn't sure if she'll ever want to go back. L.A. is where her friends and family are (along with her crush, Emil). And her stepbrother, Lionel, who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, needs her emotional support. But as she settles into her old life, Suzette finds herself falling for someone new...the same girl her brother is in love with. When Lionel's disorder spirals out of control, Suzette is forced to confront her past mistakes and find a way to help her brother before he hurts himself--or worse."

The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019) "IMax: Chill. Sports. Video games. Gay and not a big deal, not to him, not to his mom, not to his buddies. And a secret: An encounter with an older kid that makes it hard to breathe, one that he doesn't want to think about, ever. Jordan: The opposite of chill. Poetry. His "wives" and the Chandler Mall. Never been kissed and searching for Mr. Right, who probably won't like him anyway. And a secret: A spiraling out of control mother, and the knowledge that he's the only one who can keep the family from falling apart. Throw in a rickety, 1980s-era food truck called Coq Au Vinny. Add in prickly pears, cloud eggs, and a murky idea of what's considered locally sourced and organic. Place it all in Mesa, Arizona, in June, where the temp regularly hits 114. And top it off with a touch of undeniable chemistry between utter opposites."

Odd One Out by Nic Stone (2018) "Courtney "Coop" Cooper Dumped. Again. And normally I wouldn't mind. But right now, my best friend and source of solace, Jupiter Sanchez, is ignoring me to text some girl. Rae Evelyn Chin I assumed "new girl" would be synonymous with "pariah," but Jupiter and Courtney make me feel like I'm right where I belong. I also want to kiss him. And her. Which is . . . perplexing. Jupiter Charity-Sanchez The only thing worse than losing the girl you love to a boy is losing her to your boy. That means losing him, too. I have to make a move. . . . One story. Three sides. No easy answers."

Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy (2017) "'Ramona was only five years old when Hurricane Katrina changed her life forever. Since then, it’s been Ramona and her family against the world. Standing over six feet tall with unmistakable blue hair, Ramona is sure of three things: she likes girls, she’s fiercely devoted to her family, and she knows she’s destined for something bigger than the trailer she calls home in Eulogy, Mississippi. But juggling multiple jobs, her flaky mom, and her well-meaning but ineffectual dad forces her to be the adult of the family. Now, with her sister, Hattie, pregnant, responsibility weighs more heavily than ever."

Rethinking Normal by Katie Rain Hill (2014) "Have you ever worried that you'd never be able to live up to your parents' expectations? Have you ever imagined that life would be better if you were just invisible? Have you ever thought you would do anything--anything--to make the teasing stop? Katie Hill had and it nearly tore her apart. Katie never felt comfortable in her own skin. She realized very young that a serious mistake had been made; she was a girl who had been born in the body of a boy. Suffocating under her peers' bullying and the mounting pressure to be "normal," Katie tried to take her life at the age of eight years old. After several other failed attempts, she finally understood that "Katie"--the girl trapped within her--was determined to live."

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera (2017) "On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day."

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan (2013) "New York Times bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS. While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other."

We are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson (2016) "Henry Denton has spent years being periodically abducted by aliens. Then the aliens give him an ultimatum: The world will end in 144 days, and all Henry has to do to stop it is push a big red button. Only he isn’t sure he wants to. After all, life hasn’t been great for Henry. His mom is a struggling waitress held together by a thin layer of cigarette smoke. His brother is a jobless dropout who just knocked someone up. His grandmother is slowly losing herself to Alzheimer’s. And Henry is still dealing with the grief of his boyfriend’s suicide last year. Wiping the slate clean sounds like a pretty good choice to him. But Henry is a scientist first, and facing the question thoroughly and logically, he begins to look for pros and cons: in the bully who is his perpetual one-night stand, in the best friend who betrayed him, in the brilliant and mysterious boy who walked into the wrong class. Weighing the pain and the joy that surrounds him, Henry is left with the ultimate choice: push the button and save the planet and everyone on it…or let the world—and his pain—be destroyed forever."

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson (2020) "Liz Lighty has always believed she's too black, too poor, too awkward to shine in her small, rich, prom-obsessed midwestern town. But it's okay -- Liz has a plan that will get her out of Campbell, Indiana, forever: attend the uber-elite Pennington College, play in their world-famous orchestra, and become a doctor. But when the financial aid she was counting on unexpectedly falls through, Liz's plans come crashing down . . . until she's reminded of her school's scholarship for prom king and queen. There's nothing Liz wants to do less than endure a gauntlet of social media trolls, catty competitors, and humiliating public events, but despite her devastating fear of the spotlight she's willing to do whatever it takes to get to Pennington. The only thing that makes it halfway bearable is the new girl in school, Mack. She's smart, funny, and just as much of an outsider as Liz. But Mack is also in the running for queen. Will falling for the competition keep Liz from her dreams . . . or make them come true?"

#lgbtq+ literature #lgbtq+ books for adolescents #lgbtq+#book list #lgbtq+ book list #novels/memoirs #ya books #lgbtq

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sustraiii · 4 years ago

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TEAM ZRCN ARC 4 - CHAPTER 6

Back with the Rossi’s this chapter, who are preparing themselves for the eventual backlash following the attack on Highpoint.

BIANCA

The return of Belleza Rossi to the O.R.C.A.S marked the end of the few days of peace Bianca had been enjoying without her elder sister’s presence. She had been back for less than a day before tensions were already bubbling over, and the tentative peace Bianca had brokered between Laurel and the Astrella siblings, was swiftly shattered.

Things became even worse when Belleza was suddenly keen to implement an intense training regiment for those of their group who could fight. They had never been strict on training before, and when Bianca questioned the sudden change from her sister, Belleza merely smiled sweetly and told her it was good to prepare. Bianca wasn’t going to take that for a sufficient answer, however, and after some further questioning on her behalf, was finally able to get Belleza to reveal more about what happened.

After learning the truth, Bianca was not impressed, but she could not say she was surprised either. She knew when Belleza had elected to stay behind that things would not end well. Bianca had quickly consigned herself to the fact that Calantha would not be returning anytime soon and then after that it was just a matter of time to see what chaos Belleza would bring home with her. When Belleza revealed she - or rather, Miho - had partially blown up the school, Bianca could suddenly understand why her sister was keen to get in some extra training. Belleza might have only been anticipating the Mob Ops and a handful of fighters from Highpoint to retaliate, but with everything she had done in Atlas and Shizukana beforehand, Bianca wouldn’t have been surprised if the general himself arrived to raze the O.R.C.A.S to the ground.

News of further training was generally well received by those they had working for them, none more so than Maia who had gleefully relished in the opportunity to hone her skills to take on the military. Nearly everyone at the O.R.C.A.S had lost family due to the inaction of Atlas all those years aho, and Maia was no exception to this, but she was the only who spoke as though she had a personal vendetta against every single person who worked for the military, and that she deserved to punish them.

For the training Belleza had insisted on, Maia had been paired with Sparrow. It was yet another decision that Bianca had disagreed with in recent days, and despite protests from herself and Theodora that Sparrow wasn’t ready, Belleza pushed ahead. Although Sparrow had accepted the decision, that didn’t stop Bianca from keeping a careful watch on them during training, staring down from a walkway in the atrium to where they were currently sparring with Maia.

There were others sparring as well - Laurel with Miho, Biggs with Euphemia, Belleza with Uriah - but only the match between Maia and Sparrow held her attention.

Although Sparrow still lacked their usual speed and ease of movement due to their healing burns, they were managing to carry themselves quite well in the fight, though Maia’s relentless attacking gave them little chance to let their guard down or slip up. On the one time they were slow to react, Maia followed through with a swift uppercut, which hit Sparrow square in the chin, and caused them to stumble backwards. Maia used this opportunity to grapple them to the floor, where she continued to punch at Sparrow, who shielded their face from the worst of the blows. A sudden twisting motion managed to knock Maia off of Sparrow and break them apart. Although Bianca was certain Maia would have continued their fight if given the opportunity, the presence of Belleza coming over put a stop to that.

Bianca was too high up to hear what was being said, but she could imagine what sort of praises her sister was bestowing upon the woman by how she had her hand on her shoulder, and seemed to be speaking in a softer tone. It didn’t take long for the praise to shift to mockery, with Belleza and Maia speaking down to Sparrow, who was still on the floor, albeit on their knees as opposed to being sprawled on their back as they had been moments before.

Sparrow listened with a neutral expression, and then something shifted in their face, and a more enraged expression took hold. As Maia threw her head back in laughter, amused at whatever she had said, she was completely ignorant to the speed in which Sparrow pulled themself back to their feet, before they tackled Maia to the ground. The ferocity in which Sparrow lashed out at Maia was unusual, and once again Bianca could only imagine what horrid things Maia had said to prompt such a reaction.

As Belleza clearly was in no hurry to break them apart, it fell to Laurel to intervene, who broke away from her own sparring with Miho and managed to pull Sparrow off, who writhed around in the other woman’s grasp.

“Keep his name out of your mouth, you bitch!” Sparrow’s furious voice echoed around the atrium. “If you dare say it again, I’ll cave your head in!”

After the breakdown of the sparring, Bianca took her leave from the atrium, deciding she had had her fill of violence for the day. However, her disappearance had clearly not gone unnoticed, as not long after she had turned away and had begun her walk back to her quarters, she was aware of footsteps behind her.

“Bianca.” Belleza dragged her name out with a mocking tone. Bianca turned her head to see Belleza emerging from a staircase that led down to the floor below where everyone had been sparring. She was leaning over the bannister dramatically, fluttering her eyes when Bianca glared at her. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yes, I’m going to get some work done,” Bianca said simply, hoping if she ignored her sister she might go away. Alas, she soon felt the grasp of Belleza’s hands at her waist informing her that this was not the case. She groaned. “What do you want, Belle?”

“Why are you leaving?” Belleza asked. “Didn’t you like the show?”

“Oh yes, because watching Maia beat up an already injured Sparrow over and over again is exactly how I wanted to spend my day…” Bianca said sarcastically.

“I must admit I didn’t think they had it in them,” Belleza laughed, ignoring Bianca’s words. “Sparrow has never been a good fighter, hence why we always sent them on reconnaissance missions. So for them to have knocked down Maia...colour me impressed.”

“Do I even want to ask what Maia said to get that sort of reaction?”

“Oh, we just reminded Sparrow of what it is they were fighting for,” Belleza smirked. “Maia pointed out that Sparrow needed to put in more effort or we’d put them “out to pasture” like we did Marcel.”

Bianca tensed. “You didn’t.”

“We did.”

Bianca sighed, suddenly understanding why Sparrow had reacted that way. Marcel had been Sparrow’s mentor and companion when they had first joined their family, a fellow orphan who had taught Sparrow how to survive in the harsh world of Mantle. But Marcel had been weak and sickly, stemming from years of malnutrition and a further untreated illness on top of that, and Belleza had sent him on his final mission knowing it was likely he would not come home. Bianca was never certain if Sparrow knew the truth of what happened to their friend; they never said otherwise, but Bianca always suspected they knew more than they let on. It was probably easier to convince themself that it all went back to the poor health he was encumbered with due to his life in Atlas and ignore the truth staring them in the face, than it was to confront Belleza over what she had done.

The two sisters walked in silence after that, though Bianca got the impression her sister had more to say. Their silence was interrupted by yelling further down the hall. From where they were, it was hard to discern what was being said, but as they drew closer it became apparent that one of the arguing parties was none other than their father.

"Why won't you answer me?!" Alden asked with a frustrated voice.

"Alden, please calm down." A second voice belonging to Theodora Crest pleaded.

The two sisters eventually came across the scene, finding their father yelling at Theodora and Lunick, the latter of which seemed to be the primary target of his frustrations, if Theodora's mediating presence between them was anything to go by.

"What's the matter?" Bianca asked.

At the sound of her voice, all three heads turned to look in their direction, and a look of relief flooded Alden's features. "My darlings," He sighed softly, before approaching his two daughters, and embracing them in an awkward hug. "I know you two will be honest with me."

Bianca raised a questioning brow, at Theodora, before looking at her father. "What's wrong?"

"Theodora won't answer my questions…" Alden murmured.

"And what questions do you have?" Belleza asked.

"Where's your sister?"

Bianca opened her mouth to speak, but before she could give her answer, Belleza jumped in and was her usual tactful self.

"I'm afraid she's no longer with us," She told him.

"Belle!" Bianca glared at her sister. Noticing her father's clear distress at Belleza's words, Bianca was quick to clarify what her sister meant. "What Belleza meant to say is that Calantha is currently taking some time away from home right now. She's alright and will be back soon, I promise."

"Calantha wouldn't do that," Alden said, frowning as he did so. "She wouldn't leave here...she wouldn't leave me."

"Well she has," Belleza said, folding her arms. "The sooner you grow accustomed to that the easier it'll be to move on and forget her."

"That's your sister!"

"Yes, and she betrayed us."

"Belle, that's enough." Bianca warned, putting a hand in her shoulder in an effort to stop her from saying more. "Can't you see you're upsetting him?"

"I don't care," Belleza said, shrugging Bianca's hand away. "He needs to hear this."

Belleza took a purposeful step towards their father, and he flinched away. "Calantha has chosen to leave us. She has abandoned our family and she has abandoned you. I advise you to forget about her; which considering your condition shouldn't be too hard."

Alden backed away and started to shake his head. "This is your doing," He said, pointing at Belleza.

"She made her own choice."

"But your actions probably didn't help either," Bianca said coldly, ignoring the glare Belleza gave her soon after. "How about you tell our father about how you killed a woman in front of her?"

"You did what?" Alden blinked, stepping back in disbelief. "Why would you do something like that?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" Belleza asked. She unfolded her arms, and placed them on her father's arms "I did this for us! I did this for you!

"No," Their father shrugged Belleza's hands away, and took a step back from her. "This isn't what I wanted. I never wanted such violence. I don't deny a little bit of force might have been necessary in the past, but my intention was to always go through the appropriate channels. To get our justice the fair and legal way."

Belleza snorted. "What, do you think they will play fair or something? The same people who look down on us from their floating city, who stood by and did nothing whilst men, women, and children perished in Olympia? Those people?" She pressed. "Your mind is more broken than I thought if you really believe that."

"That is what your mother would have wanted. She would have never approved of such violence," Alden said softly.

"Mother was weak. She didn't understand what needed to be done," Belleza retorted. "And that's why she needed to go."

"You…" Alden's voice trailed off. He began to tremble softly, and Bianca moved towards him, putting her arm around him to try and calm his shaking.

"I think I need to lie down," Alden said softly, raising a hand to his head. "Bianca... would you please take me back to my room?"

Bianca stared at her father for a long moment, concerned at how he was processing this information. “Of course,” She finally responded, calmly moving him away from Belleza’s presence. With a tilt of her head, she gestured for Theodora and Lunick to follow her and get them away from her sister as well.

As they walked away. leading Alden back to his room, Bianca cast one last look back at her sister. Belleza watched them leave with a smug look, and when she caught Bianca looking back at her, she raised her chin and gave them a mock wave of farewell in return.

#team zrcn fic #belleza rossi #bianca rossi #alden rossi #sparrow #maia astrella #theodora crest #lunick otieno

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maiagomez · 4 years ago

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❝ It’s the road that leads to nowhere. But all I want to do is go there. ❞

✗ — Name: Vanessa Gutierrez (Maia Gomez)

✗ — Age: 22

✗ — Kingdom: Bolivia

✗ — Sexuality: Pansexual

— Personality; Although she can be a hard worker, Maia tends to like to take the easy way out. If there’s an alternative solution then she will sniff it out. She’s the life of the party. Wherever she is, Maia always brings her upbeat and fun loving personality. Even when stuck in the worst situation she will do her best to distract others from it. She learnt quickly that in the real world her compassionate side needed to be hidden. It didn’t make money and only wasted time and energy.As far as anyone needed to know she was just a flirtatious and feminine woman. Even after taking up the role of princess Vanessa, she was still up to her same old tricks. Although she knew she was being watched she felt like she was able to live a little more care free since she didn’t have the burden of money weighing her down. She’s known to be quite flirtatious and charming. And although she knows how to get things done on her own she tends to gravitate to the company of others.

— Biography (at least two hundred words); When Gloria married it wasn’t for love. It was an arranged marriage. Her husband wasn’t a kind man, he was physically and emotionally abusive to Gloria. Nobody saw that side of him because of the act he put on in front of the crowds. Being a high ranking royal he couldn’t risk any of that getting out. Luckily for him, Gloria wasn’t going to just spill everything that had happened to her. It wasn’t like she had anyone to tell since her parents had basically sold her off to a man without a goodbye. When Gloria found out she was pregnant she was both excited and nervous. It was one thing being a person hanging off the arm of someone and smiling like she meant it, it was a whole other dimension her becoming a mother. Her husband was excited, a younger generation Gutierrez to help rule the kingdom and one day take the throne. All was going well, her husband had even backed off of her and gave her the space she needed. He became attentive and caring.

One night while 36 weeks pregnant, after coming home drunk he tried to have his way with her, which Gloria wasn’t in the mood for. When she resisted she was met with violence before he left the house for the night. Gloria fell asleep crying, before being woken up in the middle of the night by strong contraction pains. Gloria had enough sense to call an ambulance who took her to a local hospital because she was in premature labour. After a couple of hours Vanessa was born. The doctors only let Gloria have a quick look at her daughter before Vanessa was whisked off to a special care unit due to her being born premature. It wasn’t until Gloria was in recovery that she realized the danger that her husband really posed. She decided she was going to take her daughter away and keep her from her father. All in Vanessa’s best interest.

Ignoring the texts from her husband for a week wasn’t hard to do, and it wasn’t uncommon. Regularly after he initiated a fight Gloria would go stay with friends for a while until she was ready to come back home. Gloria was able to change her number and get her daughter transferred to a different special care unit further away. She had enough money saved up to last them for a while. It was a month after Gloria had her daughter transferred that she was released from the hospital, and on top of it was a pile of hospital bills for the care they had received. Gloria became a hardworking mother who took care of her daughter by herself. Picking up extra shifts if she came down with the flu and needed to go to the doctor or when she had to change numbers again when her husband or their family would find her other ones. She was everything to her daughter that her husband never was to her. They didn’t have a lot, but they had enough to have a substantial life.

When Vanessa turned 18 she told Gloria she wanted to go to university. Gloria told her that they’d find a way and that she would pick up more shifts at the diner she worked at so that Vanessa could do it. So Vanessa packed her bags and traveled a few cities over to go to university. Gloria had a bit saved up so was able to help with the first month’s rent on a place and tuition. That drained most of her savings though and Gloria soon realized that she wasn’t going to be able to help pay for Vanessa to keep going to school. Once again, Gloria’s number was found out. This time she was being contacted by her husband’s mother. Apparently during some news report Gloria was seen in the background with Vanessa. And picking the age they knew it was their granddaughter. They wanted to meet her and help her go to school if that was something she wanted. Money had been set up in a trust fund before she was born, but they needed to see her to have access to it.

While closing down the diner, a young girl (Maia) who somewhat resembled her own daughter walked in. Honestly, for a while Gloria was unable to think what to say but the longer she sat with her thoughts the more she got an idea. Desperate to help her daughter, Gloria did the only thing she could think of. She hired the girl to pretend to be her daughter and meet her husband’s family so that she could gain access to the trust fund. When the girl met with the family they just wanted to know about her life. Gloria had given some guidelines of what to say when pretending to be Vanessa so to start with it wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t until a couple of days later when she was meeting the father that things began breaking down. He was so relieved to see her because after years of not hearing from Gloria he assumed that his baby was dead. She was able to actually spend a little time with him and she didn’t think he was all that bad. Then again she didn’t really know anyone from this life. It just seemed like he wanted to have a relationship with his daughter. He told Maia that if she wanted to access her trust fund that she was going to have to go to Royal Pains Estate to learn some of the things it took to being a royal. Maia was hesitant, but when she spoke to Gloria about it she offered her a bigger cut if she played along and went with it to get access to it. With the offer of a bigger cut Maia agreed to the father’s terms and agreed to go to the estate.

———

Growing up Maia had the ideal perfect family. Her mother and father were happily married with three daughters, Maia being the oldest. She grew up being taught the value of hard work. Being taught how to be kind and compassionate in a world that was at times so cruel. They didn’t have the most lavish lifestyle but they were able to afford occasional treats and trips that the family were able to go on.

When she was a teenager her father became ill and her mother walked out on the family not long after, not being able to handle the stress the situation brought. Her younger siblings had barely started school which left all the responsibility to Maia to provide for the family, so she quit school. At first all she could get was a few part time jobs here and there, bagging groceries or cleaning jobs because she lacked experience. They barely got by but Maia was able to get enough to pay for food and her father’s medical bills. When she was 18 she got a job working in a bar where she learned that a smile and a little flirtation was enough to make the world her oyster. Maia began flirting with customers, making them feel special so that she could earn more tips to take home to her family.

As time went on though, Maia found her father was in a worse state physically. He ended up in hospital which only accumulated more bills to pay. After a couple of months of being in the hospital her father passed away. Maia didn’t take the passing well. She felt a major loss from it all that she started to using drinking as a way to cope. A lot of alcohol that she drank, she stole from the bar that she worked at. When the owners began noticing regular alcohol missing at stock take they went over the tapes and found dozens of Maia drinking on the job. She was fired with the understanding that if she ever came back that the police would be called and she’d be arrested for theft.

As Maia was packing her stuff up and leaving she ran into one of her regulars. He had overheard the whole thing and offered to give Maia a job as a clothing distributor. Not having any alternatives, Maia agreed since she didn’t see helping sell clothes as being an issue. Her job mainly required helping keep stock of the clothes and listing them on a website. She even started finding comfort in the man and sleeping with him on the side of their business. Nothing seemed off until one morning after sleeping over at the male’s place there was a sketchy looking van that came up with the clothing inside. Maia confronted her regular about it who came clean about how the illegal fake brand name clothing scheme he was running. Maia left the place without a second word, still processing her thoughts and the fact that she had been involved. The thought began to weigh on her that if she didn’t get another job that they wouldn’t be able to keep their little rundown apartment.

She began going around places with her resume, hoping to find anything at that point. It wasn’t like it could be worse than cleaning the bar’s toilets after a Friday night or running the risk of jail time. When she walked into a diner, she was told they weren’t hiring but the lady there did offer her another job. It was the strangest thing she’d heard about impersonating someone to get access to a trust fund but desperate times called for desperate measures. Maia agreed to do it. One more scheme to get out of that life for good. That, and she knew that she would be able to have money sent to her sisters and live a somewhat normal and carefree life for a while without responsibility weighing her down.

✗ Secret; Maia was hired by Gloria to pretend to be her daughter Vanessa so that she could gain access to Vanessa’s trust fund.

「 Faceclaim: Diane Guerrero 」

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kpopisamood · 5 years ago

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Queen’s Clan { 12 }

Summary: y/n is plagued by nightmares. She realizes that the more she runs away, the less frequently they haunt her. However, in running away, she’s also running straight into her ultimate demise. Will she be saved in time by those who would lay down their lives for her, even if they don’t know of each other’s existence?

Monsta X/Reader, Human/Vampire(s), Reverse Harem

Warnings: light smut?, violence, language

Word count: 2.83k

Tag list: @noonaduck @lovinggalaxies @elenaramos1 @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @snowythellama @stargazersara @luvthatleader-nim @sugasheart

A/N: I’m currently hopped up on NyQuil, nasal spray, and all sorts of cough suppressants and antihistamines. I don’t get sick-sick, I get allergy-sick and have to call the ER just to keep living. I’m exaggerating, but the point is, LET’S GET THIS BREAD BEFORE I PASS OUT!

***

There were certain...things to do before Shownu and Jooheon could join your Clan. First, you’d have to feed from both and formally accept them on paper and in oath. Lastly, Shownu had said he would not serve you if all of them couldn’t. Meaning, Changkyun. The little shit responsible for pushing all of your buttons and wanting to piss you all the way off. You would have agreed wholeheartedly, but your pride told you he’d never let you live it down.

But you’d also lose all sense of pride since you’d pretty much shown your ass to Shownu and Jooheon the previous night.

“Join my Clan and attend the Gathering with me.” You could have slapped your former self for being so out there. What on earth were you thinking?

Truth be told, you weren’t. After hearing the backstory of how Changkyun, Shownu, and Jooheon came to be here, you’d just remember seeing a sheet of red taking over your vision and you’d made your impromptu decision perhaps too quickly. However, seeing the guys and their reactions to being accepted into your Clan, you’d realized it was one of the best possible outcomes for them. Sure, you had no idea what being a Queen entailed, but you were sure you’d be much better than the Queen before and—wow, you sounded jealous. That’s not cute, Y/N.

Miss Kudrow. She’d know what to do.

You’d remember she’d left her card for you and dialed her digits in your phone. The ringing made you feel a bit anxious, maybe she wasn’t going to—

“Kudrow, here.” Her voice said.

You burst out laughing. The thirty seconds of anxiety waiting for her to pick up followed by her little call opening was enough to send you over the edge. Well, maybe it was due to all the new stress you were under. Laughter was a hell of a better way of getting rid of your stress so maybe—

“Y/N,” she sighed, you could tell she was rubbing the bridge of her nose, adjusting her big glasses in annoyance. “Are you alright, dear?” She asked, semi-concerned.

“Yes. No. Wait. I just need your advice on something.” You swallowed.

She was quiet for a moment before telling you to go on.

“So, I’ve accepted new members into my Clan and—“

“Oh my goodness, that’s great!” She congratulated.

“Would you please let me finish?!” You demanded, clutching your phone tightly. Silence followed and you took a deep breath before going on. “I’ve accepted new members, but they won’t accept unless I add another annoying member.”

“Y/N, you’re the one calling the shots here. If you don’t want someone to serve you, you don’t have to accept them. If those new Clan members won’t serve you without the last person, then offer an ultimatum. If you truly want them, let them know. Could you possibly want this last person as well, though?” She asked professionally.

Could you? Changkyun? The little shit from hell?

“Well, I—maybe. If there were boundaries or—“

“Sorry, Y/N, I have another appointment to get to. If there’s even a slight chance you’ll accept this new member, accept their proposal but make sure they know who is in charge. You’re not second best and they better damn well respect that.” She said before clicking end.

Your eyes widened as you stared at your phone in shock before chucking it behind you on your bed.

You called the shots, but you don’t want to seem like the old Queen they had. Maybe you should occupy your time with something else.

***

Name: Sonaelina Incendies

Age: 28

Status: Queen

Clan population: 7

Clan members: Jackson Wang, Seokjin Kim, Jimin Park, Youngjae Choi, Jinyoung Park, Jeon Jungkook, Jaebum Im

Location: Louisiana, Unite States

Blood type: O Negative

Power: Affinity of Fire and Lightning measures

Offspring: 0

‘Sonaelina started her Queendom at the young age of thirteen when her parents were killed by Shadows. She garnered her own Clan once she was of age. She has since kept all members and has not taken anymore due to what she calls “loyalty”. Likes to get acquainted with other Queens to avoid boredom, though she’s surrounded by her Clan the majority of the time. Known her Power since she Awakened. No known limitations.’

Name: Astor Ria

Age: 21

Status: Queen

Clan Population: 10

Clan Members: Christian Young, Celestina Byers, Jongin Kim, Jaime Octavius, Parker Ginsberg, Hali Josh, Maia Orlovsky, Caine Tybolt, Jennifer Tybolt, and Tai Sylverstine

Location: Texas, United States

Blood Type: O Negative

Power: Affinity of Ice and Psychic measures

Offspring: 0

‘Astor was Awakened a Queen back in 2001 at the age of five. Known as the youngest Queen to ever live through a full awakening with no help from Clan mates or family. Family members still very much alive and keep in contact with her regularly, though she tries not to leave the house much. Has several lovers via Clan mates and lives a closed-off lifestyle in her Texas abode. Recently found out her Power. No known limitations on it.’

Name: Hyungwon Chae

Age: 25

Status: King

Clan Population: 1

Clan Members: Yoo Kihyun

Location: Gwangju, South Korea

Blood Type: O

Power: Affinity of Fire and Blood measures

Offspring: 0

‘Hyungwon is one of the last remaining Kings alive. Eligible for Queens to bond with, but will likely not accept. Inherited Clan via familial ties and has never taken on any other Clan mates. Awakened at the age of seventeen and saw he could control the elements fire and blood. No known limitations.’

***

All this reading was giving you a headache. It was like you were reading about those people on the sweet sixteen television reality show that used people with lavish lifestyles to brag about their upbringing. The three people you had just read through seemed to be people you could possibly align yourself with. Miss Kudrow had said finding friends in this world would be better than staying alone and you’d narrowed it down to these few who pretty much kept to themselves.

You’d likely seek them out at the Gathering and try to make some sort of conversation with them. Miss Kudrow had assured you that your new presence left quite an impression on their world and everyone was curious about you and what you would be like so you hoped they’d give you a chance. You’d vaguely remember the warning about Kings and what they wanted from Queens, but you figured making a big move to befriend a King was something you needed to do to further set your dominance.

The Gathering itself was in a few days time now and after all the studying, you weren’t anymore prepared. Your mind would keep wandering to Shownu’s offer about bringing Changkyun into the mix and you’d been avoiding all of them the past couple of weeks to bypass confrontation. A little childish, sure. But you’re not about to be bullied into a decision you weren’t ready for.

Minhyuk had been very helpful. He’d been keeping you comfortable with his long talks and entertaining you with his shenanigans as well as...feeding you whenever the need arose. It was a very embarrassing endeavor for you since you pretty much would pin him against something, be it the floor, wall, etc, and greedily suck whatever cut he made, wherever he made it. He’d become a bit daring lately, opting to cut small places on his jaw and neck rather than his forearm like he had before. He’d made it very much intimate and you didn’t exactly mind since he wasn’t pressuring you into any sort of sexual act. He feign innocence and say it was to sate your thirst, but each time he picked a more intimate spot, you felt more nervous and hot inside.

One night you’d almost lost it completely.

He’d shimmied in your cracked door with a bright grin asking how the studies were going and you hummed in response as you shifted through more papers. He could almost feel your annoyance coming off of you in waves before he made his move.

He swiftly slid the papers off of your bed and sat in front of you, cradling your face between his long fingers. “Did anyone tell you studying in your bedroom wasn’t healthy, My Queen?” He asked huskily, slightly brushing his lips against your cheek and panting softly as you clutch desperately at his shirt collar.

“Minhyuk, I need—“ you swallowed, staring at the jutting vein beneath his skin while he smirked and looked at you with heavy-lidded eyes.

“Yes, My Queen.” He agreed, pulling one hand away from you and using that thumb to nick his jaw. He brought you closer to him with his other hand and you latched on fervently, causing him to shudder underneath you and groan out your name. “Take what you want, Y/N.” You bit down harshly on his jaw, causing him to hiss and pinned him beneath you, holding his arms with yours by his head and leaving him defenseless. The position had made you feel powerful and sexy and you mindlessly grinded against his hips to feel more.

Minhyuk gasped and raised his leg up, offering a thing for you to rub against instead to provide more sustenance.

You had stopped suckling at his jaw and looked down at him with blown out pupils. He’d nodded and smiled at you again, this time slipping his hands out to cut along his neck and grabbing your hips, helping push and pull you against his thigh while he brought you back to feed from his throat.

It only took a few more minutes before a pressure began to build in your stomach, an unknown knot tying itself while you tried anchoring yourself to Minhyuk. You’d experienced an orgasm before, but never with someone else. Never this intimate. It was usually a quick rub out and you were fast asleep. This was a new ball park.

Minhyuk took over, urging your body to move faster and faster against his thigh. A faint whimper escaped your lips before he asked permission to kiss you.

You nodded in hurry as he took your lips into his own, lightly licking the bottom and biting on it softly. He’d asked if he could touch you more and you’d agreed, just about begged him to.

He palmed your front and slowly slid his hands into your jeans, undoing the button and lowering the zipper quickly with ease. He stopped at your underwear, and opted to pet you through the linen instead. Not wanting to push you too far during your first encounter with him. The moment he found your clit through the cloth, you’d buried your head against his shoulder, groaning out his name while he continued rubbing faster and faster against your lips.

The knot was slowly tightening and tightening before it burst, unlocking a damn that overflowed you in a heat of bliss. It caused you to stagger against him and shudder as you came down from a high you’ve never quite reached with anyone and Minhyuk kept whispering how beautiful you were.

You’d ended up falling asleep in that position and Minhyuk was there when you woke up, smiling at you brightly and tucking your messy hair behind an ear, asking if you wanted breakfast.

You hadn’t done anymore with Minhyuk since that night, frightened you might scare him off even though you knew he wouldn’t run from you. You weren’t used to wanting to jump someone every few minutes and weren’t used to the blood lust so you’d tried to stay away from everyone to get a grip on yourself. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling needy.

It was almost like the guys had developed a sixth sense and felt what you were going through. They were constantly at you, asking if you needed any sort of “help” and frankly, it pissed you off. Just because you let Minhyuk get you off once doesn’t mean it’s open season on you.

You needed some sort of order. And the only way to go about that was to put someone in their place. Preferably Changkyun. Perhaps talking to him would help settle some sort of understanding and with that understanding, add more members to your Clan. It wasn’t like you were going for as many people as possible, but Miss Kudrow had mentioned your Clan was basically your backbone. They were like a mini army that represented you and would show your status to those around you. This could also help in making relationships with future Royals. This whole politics game was getting exhausting and you haven’t even met the damn aristocrats yet.

You’d been wandering around the house and found Changkyun lazily tossing a ball against a wall while scrolling through his phone.

“Can I help you?” He asked, tossing it to and fro.

You plopped down next to him on the floor, watching the interaction of him and the ball like a tennis match before you rolled your eyes and grabbed the ball and threw it down the hallway, causing him to widen his eyes before glaring down at you.

“Okay, you have my full, undivided attention.”

You glanced at his phone and back to his face and back again, making sure he got the memo. He sighed before shoving the electronic into his pocket and scooting over to stare at you face to face.

“We need to create some sort of system; you and me.” You started off. Truly, you didn’t know exactly what to say in this conversation but you guessed it would seem less rehearsed and more sincere if you came with no preparation.

“A system?” He questioned, perking one eyebrow up.

“Yes, a system. Look, I’m not exactly sure how this whole ‘Queen’ thing works. To be frank, I don’t care too much about all the politics that go into it. But I would like to continue some sort of relationship with you all. Not romantically, because I’m too new at this. But—“

“I hear what you’re saying,” he chuckled. “In other words, you’d like to start over? Maybe set some sort of boundaries?” He queried.

“Yes!” You sagged in relief. He understood what you were saying and you didn’t have to embarrass yourself too much.

“Yeah, not gonna happen, Trick. Not with the way you tackled me or pinned me.” He laughed, starting to stand up.

“Wait, what—“ You hurriedly got to your feet and trailed after him. “But you can’t just walk away from this! You’ll die.” You whispered the last part, stopping in your tracks.

He stood still and took a deep breath. “And you care whether we live or not?” He asked over his shoulder.

Did you? Care?

“You all don’t deserve to die for someone else’s reckless decisions.” You told him boldly.

He was silent a moment before he spun around and pinned you against the wall, grabbing your chin with his thumb and forefinger softly. He leaned in and you closed your eyes immediately, holding your breath.

He had you completely at his mercy. Your strength had grown but you had made yourself vulnerable to him and it would be oh, so easy to end everything here and now. He wouldn’t have to deal with Queens and Kings and just become what he was meant to be; a shadow. But the more he looked at you, with your eyes closed in an almost trusting way, the way your lips slightly parted, and the slight thump of your pulse had him second guessing everything. If you were offering, he’d take everything and more.

“If you take me as your Clan mate, it’s for the long haul.” He gritted out. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

You nodded against his fingers, shuddering as his breath moved past your ear.

“I’m not done. If you take me and my brothers, we will become lovers. I’m not doing this half-assed.” He stated, before swiftly pressing his lips against your own and pulling back before you could respond, leaving you in the hallway to mull over this decision once again.

#kpop #kpop fic #monsta x fic #monsta x x reader #monsta x x you #ot7 x reader #ot7 x you #kpop fanfic #monsta x #monsta x fanfic

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maiacroft · 5 years ago

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To put it simple: Noah didn’t really understand the game. And to be frank, he didn’t really care to understand it. As Maia and Armani got halfway through explaining the rules to him, he found himself casually lifting his phone out of his pocket; deciding that checking his Insta feed was a lot more entertaining than watching the two make a fool of themselves trying to demonstrate. In the moment he was confronted, Noah snapped. “I don’t care about this shit.” He said, his voice raising a bit when he did. “It’s just a bunch of stuff. I don’t think I’ve played pretend with random toys since I was like, four or something.”

Maia was wondering how she hadn’t snapped at this kid yet. It was a wonder to her, but frankly enough Knot having to deal with Noah alone during this helped. She didn’t feel like she was the only one dealing with this garbage. Hearing Noah, yet again, declare that he didn’t care for the activity, she wasn’t even surprised. Turning to him, she wasn’t even listening at this point when he spoke. She realized that his issue wasn’t that he didn’t want to play the games, even though that may be true, but it was that he really didn’t understand. “It’s easy.” She said blankly. “Look.” She said before she picked up a stapler and displayed it to him. “This is a stapler.” She said, her tone condescending at this point, earning her an eye roll from him. “Obviously.” He muttered under his breath.

“You never know these days.” She said with a fake grin. “Anyways…” She trailed off before she straightened it out and held it up before shooting a stapler out towards an empty area, using it as a weapon. “How am I using it? What does it look like I’m using it for?” She asked, slowly in hopes that he would get it this time.

“…Stapling?” Noah said, confused as to what the hell she was doing. Maia’s face dropping, almost like all life left her features. Looking to Armani, she shook her head. “You got anything?” @x-armani-x

#(( ~ roommates event &.#thread: armani

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spacecadetal · 4 years ago

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New Blood (a Kakashi Hatake x OC fic) - Chapter Three

Warnings: Use of violence, violence, use of knives, swearing, drinking, death mention, death

Read on AO3 or below the line

Previous Chapter

The sun on Maia’s bare arms filled her with warmth as she made her way home, dawdling along.

“Hey! Hey, Maia!” Iruka chased after Maia on the streets of Konoha. Running in a sprint to catch up with her.

Turning around to see Iruka running up to her, Maia smiled. “What’s going on, Iruka?”

“I was hoping I’d bump into you. We’re having a Shinobi Night tonight, you should come!”

“Shinobi Night?” Maia questioned.

“Yeah! All the higher level shinobi and teachers go for dinner and drinks. It’s quite good fun”

“But Iruka… I’m not a shinobi…”

“That doesn’t even matter, the new guys are going too” Iruka said, “Did no one tell you?”

Maia felt a sudden pang of hurt, she wasn’t going to lie. It faded away quickly after the realisation that Maia was still yet to develop bonds or make friends with the other shinobi of the village. No wonder she hadn’t received an invite. It didn't matter, Iruka was telling her now and that counted for something.

“No… but it doesn’t matter. I’d love to come” Maia said, quickly shaking off the hurt, a smile on her face despite.

“Awesome. Come by Resutoran at eight alright?” And with that Iruka was running off in the other direction, giving Maia a wave before dedicating himself to his sprint.

__________________________________________________

Bordering on eight at night, Maia looked at herself in the mirror one last time. Smoothing out her shirt, checking all angles to see if she looked strange. She probably did.

Maia didn’t know how these Shinobi Nights’ worked. Did you come dressed up or was it casual? When she worked for her old family, the chefs would take the night off and get dressed up and go to a big village and let loose. Shooting drinks back, dancing on the street. Why did she have a feeling that this wasn’t going to be the same as that?

Just in case, she dressed herself to appear more casual with a hint of formal. A black tank with black flowing pants and her usual training boots, knives strapped to the inside of her leg. Small silver hoops gifted from her mother the day Maia left the village for good.

Maia debated whether or not she should turn up a little later. There were many advantages and disadvantages to both scenarios. She had weighed them heavily as she sat on her couch debating them in her head. Debating for so long that she had looked at the time and thought she might as well wait a few more moments when the clock turned half past eight. Maybe that way Iruka would be there when she turned up and she wouldn’t be alone.

Turning up to Resutoran was the biggest mistake Maia had ever made in her life. That’s what it had felt like in the moment anyway. The shinobi were there, so were the chunin. Iruka was there too and gave Maia a big friendly wave and a ‘over here Maia!’. None of this was the issue. The issue was that everyone was in their casual shinobi gear and she was way too overdressed. Now everyone was staring at her and she stood frozen in the doorway.

‘Just look at Iruka and move. Just keep looking at Iruka’ she thought as she began to move through the room, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else at all costs.

Sliding onto the stool next to Iruka, Maia had never wanted to walk out of a building more in her entire life.

“I feel completely overdressed” she murmured to Iruka.

“Don’t even worry about it, you're the nicest looking one out of all of us here”

That did kind of make her feel better.

“Here. This will take your mind off it” Iruka said as he slid the glass of sake in her direction.

He was right, it did, even for a second. Maia slammed it back. “Hey, Iruka...did everyone know I was coming tonight?”

“Ah…” Iruka laughed slightly nervously, “No...not really”.

In that moment, Maia really wished she knew the hand signs to send her spiraling down into the depths of earth.

Kakashi had seen Maia as soon as she walked into Resutoran, looking like a frightened possum. He was hidden in the corner booth, Gai next to him while Asuma and Kurenai sat across them both. One arm around the back of his wife’s chair and the other with a glass of the hard stuff. Kakashi watched as she approached the bar, stiff muscles and red cheeks, sitting down next to Iruka and slamming back a glass of sake. Basic body language said she was experiencing hell on earth.

He had no idea she was coming at all. No one had said anything all week, then again he had been busy. Gai dragged him along last minute with great reluctance on Kakashi’s part. It’s not that these events weren’t his thing, it was a good opportunity for team bonding, it’s just that he didn’t want to go.

“How are the kids?” Gai asked the group, always looking for a chance to praise his squad's abilities.

“Fantastic. Hinata is starting to really grow into her own” Kurenai said, nodding as she sipped from her glass.

“Ino and Choji are growing incredibly too. Really stepped it up. You should have seen how fast Choji got back to his normal weight after getting out of hospital. Oh boy, does the kid love to eat” Asuma said with pride, puffing away on his cigarette.

“Lee is doing absolutely phenomenal since his surgery, he’ll be back to shape in absolutely no time at all!”

“Kakashi? How about Naruto and Sakura?” Kurenai asked, noticing Kakashi's silence.

“Well, Jiraiya is looking after Naruto now and Sakura is being mentored by Maia Setsudan”

None of this bothered him. Having the squad part ways so Kakashi could focus on Sasuke was a good thing at the time, leaving Kakashi being able to be more attentive to the conflicted boy. That soon came to bite him in the ass. Despite that, he had no qualms about it, Naruto was in capable hands despite Jiraiya’s antics. Sakura on the other hand, he was to wait and see. Perhaps Maia could give Sakura a different type of mentoring that could help Sakura in the long run.

Maia was three drinks in already in the short amount of time she had been there. It was excessive but desperate times call for desperate measures. In this very moment, in this very restaurant, all Maia wanted to do was run back to her old family’s doorstep and beg for her old job back.

“So you have Moto on your squad right?” Iruka asked Maia, tearing a dumpling off of his stick.

“Yeah, Kira and Sakura too” Maia nodded, smiling at the mention of her squad.

Maia was proud of her squad. Sure it was early days but she knew with enough time, this squad could really grow into something strong. This was almost like a recipe that was in need of perfecting, maybe it needed a pinch of salt or a little more stock but eventually you’d get to a point of perfection.

“Oh Moto. You know he has some potential despite his reluctance to actually learn anything, good kid”

“Yeah, I’ll make a shinobi out of him yet” Maia hoped.

Throughout the night, Kakashi kept his eyes on Maia Setsudan. Watching as she drowned herself in sake and wine, finding it mildly amusing. He’d doubt she knew he was here yet or else he would have received a glare by now. She had stuck by Iruka closely at the bar and didn't dare to look around. He had tuned out the group's conversation, listening on little snippets of hers instead. Despite her distress coming into the place, the alcohol seemed to settle it an hour into her visit.

“I’m just going to the bathroom” Iruka told Maia, now she was alone at the bar.

Kakashi watched as she swiveled around, her feet tucked into the bar at the bottom of the stool innocently, oblivious to her surroundings. She took in every little detail in the room, slowly scanning each little inch until… until she finally noticed him.

He wanted to frown at the panic on her face. Why would she react like that? Did she dislike him that much? Her behaviour was just as cold and dismissive at the welcoming party.

Maia thought she was about to throw up, praying to anything listening out in the universe that she didn’t. Glancing around the room to see Kakashi gave her a fright. She hadn’t suspected him to be hiding in the corner like that. Now she felt slightly embarrassed in front of him, turning up over dressed and getting drunk enough to border on foolishness. Looking away quickly and pretending it never happened was the only way forward.

It was amazing what she could hear once it was silent. Iruka was easy to chat to and Maia sometimes couldn’t shut herself up once she got enough drinks in her.

“Look I just don’t trust her yet” Kurenai finished her drink, slamming the glass on the counter. As if she has been itching to say so.

Kakashi looked to his fellow comrade with his eyebrow raised. He trusted her opinion, after all she spoke more to Maia at the welcoming party than he had in total. Perhaps she heard something that has formed her opinion.

“Where is this coming from?” Kakashi asked, curious at the sudden outburst. “What happened to trusting Tsunade?”

“I’m just unsure about her that's all. I don’t know if she’s a capable shinobi and I don’t know if she’s going to be of help to these kids. Students come first always” she defended her stance.

The group understood her concern, they’d want to make sure their students were getting the best training possible.

“We need to talk to Tsunade about this and get some answers,” she urged the group.

“Woah, woah, woah there, Tsunade is Hokage for a reason and if she trusts her enough to bring her and every other chunin here then we need to extend that trust” Gai said, trying to get out of any confrontation in a passive manner.

Kakashi agreed with Gai for once. Hokage was Hokage for a reason, what she says, goes. If Tsunade thought this person was good enough to help the village, then she was good enough. Perhaps they were needing to extend a helping hand rather than a dismissive one.

“I’m just don’t think Tsunade thought this through”

Oh...

Maia sat alone at the bar, her head tilted in the direction of the group in the corner of the restaurant. It was not her intention to eavesdrop but then again, if you don’t want someone to hear something you probably shouldn’t speak so loudly.

Kakashi gathered that she had probably overheard their conversation. Especially when she ordered one last glass, slamming it back before fleeing the scene. The mission of welcoming the new people was going splendidly.

Iruka had come back well after Maia had left, standing at the bar looking around to see any sign of her at any of the other tables.

“Hey, guys. Have you seen Maia?” He had asked Kakashi’s group but was met with shrugs and ‘I have no idea, sorry’ .

Maia felt as if she was a jigsaw piece that kept trying to ram herself into places she just didn’t belong and that was becoming clear. She wasn’t going to fight for her honour or in her defence. Simply she would not stay where she was not wanted.

Walking away from the bar and out of the restaurant into the streets, grateful for the cold air hitting her hot skin, for the first time in the whole night Maia finally felt like she could breathe.

Maia was upset. Of course she was, she had just wanted to be accepted by her peers. She had left her whole life behind to do this favour and now she was treated like a pariah over it. It felt completely stupid and pointless. Standing up to it by leaving felt somewhat brave, not allowing herself to hang around a group of people she wasn’t welcome around.

As she walked down the dark Konoha streets her sadness began to boil over to anger. Angry that she left a job she loved for this, angry that everyone couldn’t get over the fact that she wasn’t trained in a damn academy, angry that she was letting it all get the better of her.

As Maia made it home after fiddling with her keys in the lock, She sloppily removed her shoes as she walked up stairs, flopping onto her bed the moment she saw it. As she drifted off, all Maia could think about how she was going to prove every single one of them wrong.

#kakashi x oc #kakashi/oc #kakashi imagines #kakashi hatake x oc #kakashi hatake/oc #kakashi hatake fanfiction #kakashi hatake imagines #naruto fanfiction #myfic #nb #new blood

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florrickandassociates · 5 years ago

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TGF Thoughts: 3x08-- The One Where Kurt Saves Diane

I wrote this over the span of, like, a full year and it is not very interesting. I am posting it simply because I am committed to the idea of writing something about every episode of this series. I recommend that you go check out Evil instead of reading this.

I’m just not intrigued by the clips of news footage about some sort of “Unredacted Unspecified Report” that open this episode.

Diane doesn’t seem to be that interested either: she’s not watching and talks over it.

More interesting (but, tbh, not actually that interesting to me either, because I’m losing interest in this season) is that Diane gets a letter of warning from a ~mysterious source~.

Most interesting of all: Diane and Kurt have a normal morning together.

Kurt spots the letter first and opens it. STOP DIANE. THEY KNOW ABOUT THE HACK. So maybe it’s directed at Kurt. Or maybe it’s supposed to say, “Stop, Diane.”

I still haven’t warmed to Diane’s bedroom set, especially because it still feels like Diane lives in her bedroom and her home has no other rooms.

Joy, Felix Staples has returned. All I have to say about this case is that the day this ep aired, basically what’s happening in this case happened in real life, because… Kings.

Hello, it’s October now and I suddenly felt like returning to The Good Universe and writing. It’s been a while.

My memory of this episode/arc is that Diane and Liz just did something uncharacteristically dumb and illegal, and this is the episode where Kurt secretly puts an end to the shenanigans without Diane even knowing. I remember this episode being satisfying, if only because it got rid of the aforementioned dumb and illegal plot. Let’s see how good my memory is.

Wait why don’t I remember Roger Bart being on this show and why didn’t I note it earlier?! How could I let George The Killer Pharmacist go unmentioned?!

On that note, how did I not use the opening scene of the season (Diane saying “I’m happy” as an excuse to ramble about how weird it is to experience happiness on a personal level in today’s world?) (I was just watching 3x01.)

I’m actively not watching the case scenes so they don’t kill my drive to actually write this.

Oh God, I’m going to have to deal with Blum again at some point. I had blocked out his bloviating. I think this is the last of the Blum/Maia free eps?

The weird Lucca/British actor plot is still happening!!!! I didn’t miss it during all those months in which I wasn’t reminded of it.

The joke about how these TV lawyers aren’t like other TV lawyers, except they are, was funny the first time.

Always great to see how Lucca, who is the head of a department at this point, gets called into other cases frequently. Definitely how things work.

Is it bad that I’m more interested in making a mental list of all the times TGF/TGW have filmed in this little park than this Marissa/Alan Alda scene?

I can see why this is the episode that made me stop writing these for a bit. So far, this ep is all case and a subplot I don’t care for.

You know what else was funny the first time and has hit a point of diminishing returns? The thing where a main character’s love interest shows up in court and then they get thrown off their game and it’s CUTE FLIRTING!!! Find a new, unique way to signal interest, writers!

This gag now involves literal gagging. I’m overjoyed.

Lucca’s monologuing at a toilet about her crush. This plot is cute. It isn’t bad. It is watchable. BUT! I know it’s a novelty, so I’m just not that excited by it or invested in it. It’s not really deepening my understanding of Lucca.

Lucca picturing everyone in court in their underwear is just unnecessary and honestly not funny???

Kurt leaves the warning note out for Diane to see. He confronts her about it and she asks for a drink.

The credits are at 19 minutes in. I do love them. Have any of you watched Evil yet? I watched part of the first episode (I intend to go back to it, I’ve just been busy) and the credits resemble the TGF credits. (Update as of March 2020: I watched all of Evil and you should too.)

Diane tells Kurt about Book Club or #Resistance or whatever I was calling it. Even though Diane doesn’t tell him the full story (mostly for his own protection, and she makes it clear she’s omitting stuff), I do appreciate that Diane and Kurt don’t keep secrets from each other, and if/when they do, they talk about it openly and calmly. I love them.

(I have blocked out Kurt/Holly almost entirely. I know it’s canon, but I still don’t believe it was anything other than a plot device to motivate some unnecessary drama in the TGW finale. God, that finale was bad. Ghost Will? Kurt cheating? GENEVA and Peter? GHOST WILL? Even the slap, which is one of my favorite parts, is more powerful as a symbol than as an actual plot development, since (1) Alicia betraying Diane is something Pilot!Alicia would’ve done to any friend to protect her family and (2) it stems from the nonsense about Kurt cheating and Peter tampering with evidence. What a letdown of a finale. The Kings are lucky they got to redeem themselves with TGF.)

(As anyone who’s had a one-on-one convo with me about the TGW finale at any point in the last three years will tell you, I will NEVER tire of discussing it, even if it means rehashing the same points over and over and over.)

I forgot about the thing where it wouldn’t stop storming in season 3.

Don’t have much to say about Kurt devising a plan to help Diane get out of trouble, but I do find it very fun!

OOOOH this is the episode about censorship that got censored!!! If you haven’t already, do read Emily Nussbaum’s piece about the behind-the-scenes drama of this episode. I thought the “this content has been censored” screen where the short would have been was a joke… but it was actually censored. That may be the most interesting thing about this episode.

I want more character-driven plots. I want more Liz and Lucca. I have nothing to say.

Book Club still believes the con artist who brought them together is something other than a con artist. Book Club is not that smart for being a collection of very smart people.

“So the whole group is bullshit?” Liz asks when Diane loops her in. Yes. But also, like, this is what happens when you do illegal shit with a group formed by a literal con artist. Liz may have an excuse for trusting the group (Diane brought her in), but why does DIANE trust them?

“My life is simple, Diane. I have a son. I have a mortgage. I have my job. And I go from home to work and work to home. So this stuff is, this bullshit intrigue… I’m done. Too much drama,” Liz laments, about a week too late. Where was this last week when Liz was like YES LET’S DO CRIMES?

One of my problems with the whole Book Club arc is that it makes very little sense that Liz would get involved in the first place. I understand why she would be sympathetic to their cause and willing to look the other way on their methods… if she were watching a news report about them on TV. She’s too practical, and has too much to lose, to get involved with a group like this.

An NSA nerd is back!! He’s the one warning Diane!

Okay, picking this back up in March 2020 because *gestures at the world* I have time. Like, I have so much free time I’ve finished 9 books in the last 14 days AND finally made it to the episodes of The Sopranos with JMargs. I began watching The Sopranos in 2017.

As I write this, I have no idea if TGF is coming back on April 9th as planned or not. Unless there’s something in the works for season 4 that can’t possibly be left unfinished or air today, I think they should air whatever they have now. TGF is always timely, and while scenes set in an office are suddenly feeling weird and implausible, they’ll probably play better now than in six months. And we’d all forgive the writers if they had to wrap up the arcs through an animated recap song.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen the TGF credits so I rewound to watch the credits. I went to 2 minutes into the episode, then remembered… they’re 20 minutes in.

Y’all. They blow up a purse with hand sanitizer in it. Did they predict this?!

I wrote that preamble and then stopped writing. But now we know that TGF is really coming back on April 9th, which means I have to stop watching The Sopranos and write these things!

Ah, Felix Staples. I haven’t missed you!

Case stuff happens. Really riveting episode, this one. (It is an interesting case, though.)

Kurt saving Diane is pretty fun. But I don’t have anything to say about it and to write about it would just to be to give a half-assed play by play… and why?

Oh WOW, Lucca and Downton Abbey guy is still happening?!

Getting to see Kurt be really competent and caring is the best thing, by far, about the Book Club arc.

Wait, I take that back, Liz’s speech about voter suppression is also pretty high up there-- as long as you ignore the context.

V excited (!!) to get back to Maia’s bullshit in the next few episodes, not because I want to watch it but because if there’s one thing I’m actually motivated to write about, it’s how the show has handled Maia Rindell. Also, they handle the next few episodes well for her.

Oh RIGHT Liz tells ChumHum about her dad’s sexual harassment issues! And Adrian and Liz are finally going to tell the press! It may mean losing Neil Gross, though.

Book Club is over! Wooooooooooooooooooooo! On to more interesting things!!!

Also gone? Downton Abbey guy, who gave an interview about something new and exciting in his life. Lucca thought he was talking about her, and he was talking about some...personality test that sounds like a cult from the way he describes it? AAAAAND I Googled it and yup. It is. What a goofy ending to this arc I didn’t care about. Reminds me of the way the Marilyn arc ended (with a cameo from a celebrity who she was supposedly sleeping with). Glad the actor was so game to poke fun at himself, but is this the best we can do for Lucca?

Diane thinks she took care of the hack and made it go away. Kurt lets her take the credit.

The end!

#the good fight #is coming back soon!!!!#tgfthoughts #yes i still check this thing

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bytheangell · 5 years ago

Text

This is the Coda That Never Ends... Part 7

(Read on AO3) (Read from the start) Maryse & Maia

The bell above the door rings and Maryse starts to answer without looking up from the paperwork she’s filling out behind the counter.

“Good morning! Looking for anything in particular I can assist wi--” she glances up and the words trails off at the sight of Luke standing just inside the door.

“Oh, Lucian! I didn’t expect to see you so early… nothing’s the matter, is it?” She adds, remembering what happened last night.

“Not exactly,” he says, eyes darting around the shop to see if there are any other people around. This sets Maryse on alert, a small wave of anxiety coming over her. If whatever he has to say he can’t say in front of mundanes then it almost has to be about Clary.

“Don’t worry, we’re alone. You’re the first customer of the day.” The words come with a flicker of a smile, but it doesn’t last long as Luke wastes no time getting to the point of his impromptu visit.

“You were right. Clary’s remembering. I ran into Magnus this morning and he filled me in. I’m guessing you didn’t see Jace at the art exhibit last night while you were there?”

Maryse shakes her head. “No, of course not. He wasn’t-- he didn’t?”

“He was glamoured, but Clary saw right through it. She even remembered his name, but not who he was or how she knew him. This is more than just some hazy images coming through in her paintings, Mare. We need to keep our distance until Alec and the others decide what to do.”

“Alec knows, too? I’m starting to wonder if my children tell me anything that’s going on in their lives anymore.” She frowns, but knows that she can’t really blame them. It isn’t as if she has a say in things regarding the Shadow World any longer. She has no right to be kept in the loop, and only knows as much as she does because of the positions her children hold, and her boyfriend’s involvement with them.

She considers herself lucky to be as involved as she is in general, but that doesn’t stop the sting she feels at being intentionally kept in the dark about something like this. She knows Jace well enough to know this isn’t a one-time thing he’s done. How long had he been watching Clary without telling her? More importantly, how much more is he hurting than she realized before? Of course Maryse isn’t foolish enough to believe Jace when he said he’s fine, but if he’s sneaking around and lying about it, he’s clearly trying to cover up just how not fine he is after all this time.

“So I’m banned from doing the one helpful thing I can contribute?” Maryse sighs, the weight of the situation and her own inability to help seeming to tug her entire body down into a slump of shoulders and downturned lips.

“I know it’s difficult. I’ll be right on the sidelines with you, just until they learn more. Trust me, no one wants to make sure Clary’s alright more than me… it’s killing me to know she might remember me but I can’t go find out.” Luke tells her, reaching out a hand to take her own and give it a small, comforting squeeze. There’s a break of emotion in his voice, something sad and almost desperate in the admission that she’s certain he’s been holding in since he found out.

She knows how much it means to be the one he’s willing to open up with, and it isn’t something she takes for granted.

“Of course it is. Lucian, I’m so sorry, I made it all about me when I know how hard this is for you. I can only imagine if it were one of my children.” Maryse pulls her hand back out of his and looks down, suddenly very interested in shuffling the paperwork on the table in front of her. Of course he’d be kind enough to try and comfort her when he’s the one who should be hurting here. She only looks back up at Luke when he places a hand under her chin and lifts it gently up to meet his own again.

“Just because I’m frustrated doesn’t mean you can’t be. I know it’s difficult for you, too.” He smiles at her and she relaxes, and they both lean over the counter for a quick kiss before the bell above the door dings again and a customer walks in. They pull apart, bashful smiles on their faces like teenagers caught making out underneath the bleachers, but the woman at the door only grins knowingly to herself before turning to the nearest bookcase.

“If there’s anything you need help with, let me know!” Maryse calls across the room before turning her attention back to Luke with a light laugh.

“I suppose that’s my cue to go. I don’t want to be late for that meeting with Isabelle anyway. Take care of yourself, and call me if you need anything, alright?” He leans in for another kiss, a shorter one this time, before pulling away.

“You too, Lucian. And don’t worry. It’s all going to work out in the end. They’ll figure something out.” She trusts Alec and Magnus with her life, so she certainly trusts them with Clary’s. Lucian looks like he wants to share that total blind faith, even if he can’t quite manage it.

Luke only nods before taking his leave of the shop, and Maryse goes back to work, but not before texting Jace to make sure he’s holding up alright after everything that happened.

M: Jace, Lucian told me what happened. How are you? But no lying this time. This isn’t the first time you went to see her, is it?

J: I’m fine. And no, it isn’t. I’m sorry, I know I should’ve have. It won’t happen again.

M: I’m not worried that you did it, I’m worried that you’ve been hurting more than you told me about. Seeing her all this time and not being able to talk to her…

J: I’m fine, really. She’s fine. And that’s all that matters. Look, I have to run but I’ll call you later?

M: Alright. Be safe. Love you.

J: Love you, too.

It’s the best she’s going to get for now.

“Excuse me, ma’am? I was trying to find…” the customer in the corner starts now that she knows she isn’t interrupting anything, and Maryse quickly pockets her phone to get back to work.

---

Maia might as well be sleeping in the booth in the corner for all the time she’s spending remodeling the restaurant lately. Having Bat swing by to help when he isn’t working makes the progress so much faster, and even Simon, Jace, and Izzy swing by on occasion to lend a hand, but for the most part she’s turned this into her passion project.

The Jade Wolf saw too much bloodshed in it’s time - it became a place known for conflict and confrontation, especially after that night with the vampires. The night--

--Maia pulls her thoughts back from that night. It’s the whole point of redoing the place, after all: a bit of rebranding, to turn somewhere she once found comfort and a family and acceptance into that all over again, but not just for her, and not even just for the werewolves, but for all Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike.

Maia hears the sound of the front door open and doesn’t think twice about it at first, assuming it’s just one of them swinging by to visit, or to help, or both. Bat makes particularly frequent appearances to bring her food because otherwise she’ll work straight through the day and get so caught up in the progress she forgets to eat. But the tentative voice that calls out, “...hello?” from the other room isn’t one she immediately recognizes.

Maia sets the paint brush down carefully on the bucket she’s using - not that it matters, as she has enough of it in her hair and on her clothing, so why not the floor, too? - before climbing quickly down the ladder she was using to reach a tricky corner of the border molding.

“Hey, we’re closed, didn’t you see the--” Maia starts speaking before she rounds the corner to see who ignored the ‘closed’ sign on the door and came in anyway. Her words trail off in an open-mouthed gape at the sight in front of her. “--sign.”

Maia can’t believe she didn’t place the voice immediately. She looks amazing, with her red hair in waves and bangs that suit her face surprisingly well, and a hesitant smile on her face as she holds up both of her hands at the sight of Maia rounding the corner read to kick her out for trespassing.

“I did, and I’m sorry.” Clary drops her hands to tug nervously at the black shirt with flowing sleeves she wears tucked into a pair of floral patterned pants, untucking a corner in the process of her fidgeting. She looks torn between speaking again to justify why she ignored the sign and wanting to turn and bolt without another word. The result is her standing there, fidgeting, wordless after her hesitant apology.

“What are you doing here?” The words come off harsher than Maia intends, but that’s because she’s a little terrified, if she’s being honest. Clary doesn’t look like she recognizes Maia at all, but that doesn’t change the fact that Clary came to her. Should she call someone? Send her away? Both of those are probably really solid options, but instead Maia waits for Clary’s answer, curiosity getting the best of her.

“Would you believe me if I said I wasn’t sure? I don’t know why I felt so compelled to come in here,” Clary starts slowly, allowing her gaze to travel from Maia to the work-in-progress room around them. “But I’ve been drawn to this building at least a dozen times this month, and I couldn’t just walk by it today for some reason. I used to come here all of the time before…” Clary takes a deep breath, as if trying to inhale the essence that once was the Jade Wolf. “It feels good to be here. Like I should be here, almost? And I know this isn’t making any sense and I probably sound insane right now.” Clary laughs, a sound edged with nerves, and it’s all Maia can do not to give in to the tears she feels threaten to well over at the sound of it in her life again.

It’s overwhelming, the idea that even so many months since she lost her memories of them, Clary still has those feelings and this connection. It hurts more than Maia expects to know that Clary’s looking at her like a stranger, that she could think for even a second that Maia will judge a single thing she’s feeling right now; that Clary can stand two feet in front of her and not know how much she means to Maia and how goddamn much she’s missed by so many people.

“It doesn’t sound insane,” Maia says, her voice quiet.

“Well that’s a relief. I really didn’t want you to call the police on me for trespassing.” Clary falls silent again. Maia can tell she doesn’t want to go, but she can’t think of a reason to stay, either. “I should leave. Sorry, I don’t want to-” Clary starts, but she doesn’t get to finish before Maia cuts her off with words that leave her lips before she can think twice about them.

“You should stay.” Maia mentally curses herself for it, knowing without a doubt that she shouldn’t be doing this but unable to stop herself just the same. After talking with Simon about Clary just yesterday this has to be some sort of fate, right? “I mean, you can go if you want to, obviously. But if you don’t want to… I’m just painting one of the back rooms, if you’re any good with a paintbrush?” Maia can’t help a bit of a smirk at the question, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I can handle a paintbrush,” Clary confirms, relaxing at the knowledge that she doesn’t have to leave right away. “I’m Clary, by the way.” Clary walks closer to her and extends a hand.

“Maia,” Maia says, taking the offered hand.

Maia knows it’s selfish, but for the next hour she takes in as much of Clary as she can - every smile, every laugh, every moment she gets frustrated over a layer of cheap paint not going on smoothly. They fall into an easy rhythm that’s finally broken when Maia looks over and sees what is unmistakably a rune drawn onto one of the walls.

The paint roller she holds clatters to the ground, splattering paint all over her shoes and jeans and the floor. Clary startles, looking over at Maia in concern only to follow Maia’s gaze to the marking on the wall.

“What the…” Clary mutters, taking a step away from it. “I don’t remember painting that.”

“You should leave,” Maia says, voice suddenly tense.

“I’m sorry. It’ll be really easy to cover, just let me see that roller for a second and-”

“No, Clary. You need to leave. Right now. This was a mistake, I’m so sorry, I never should’ve let you in here.” Maia mentally curses herself a million more times. What did she think was going to happen?

Clary looks hurt, she looks confused, but it’s the hint of fear behind her eyes at the sight of the marking on the wall that makes Maia’s heart ache the most for her.

“Of course. I shouldn’t be here anyway.” Clary lingers just long enough to spare a glance over her shoulder at Maia, but Maia remains rooted to the spot until Clary disappears from sight without so much as a goodbye and Maia hears the front door open and close again behind Clary.

Maia hears the door open again barely a minute later and forces herself back into the main room. “I thought I told you to--” she starts, expecting to have to send Clary away for a second time (as if the first didn’t hurt enough), except that isn’t who she sees standing in front of her.

“Please, don’t stop on my account,” Jace says, eyeing her expectantly with his arms crossed over his chest. “I’d love to hear all about what you told Clary.”

#maryse lightwood #luke garroway #clary fray #maia roberts #shadowhunters #jace herondale #aaaaaand we're starting to get somewhere!

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