#Made in Canada | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unsuitablepet · 8 days ago

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What Can Canada Do About It?

Alright ya hosers, buckle up. I am not usually one to make huge text posts but this is going to be long and goddam irate. There will, however, be things in this that will be actionable, so if you're a fellow Canuck, give ‘er a read, and feel free to share, reblog, print it off and staple it to a moose—whatever gets the word out. And to just to make sure our ol' neighbours can't look in on us too easily, I'm gonna lace this thing with enough Canadianisms to make your toque spin.

To any of our neighbours who are up for the challenge of deciphering this maple-syrup-coded manifesto: keep in mind that we don't have anything against regular Americans. The guy who's threatening our country and screwing us over is the same guy who's threatening and screwing yours. Fuckin' buddy's downstairs thinking we wouldn't say boo to a goose, and we're just tryin' to remind him who exactly those gooses are named after, eh? I hope at least some of you will get that.

OK, beauts. Let's get into it.

I've got mes yeux dans la graisse de bines seeing Canadians act like we don't have a good hand in this absolute gong-show of a trade war. Of course we do. We’ve got a lot of leverage, and we can get 'er done. And it starts with the ol’ classic: buying Canadian. But we know that one already and that’s just the warm-up. There are also other things our government can leverage that would be deeply felt - to the point of makin' sure their economy falls arse over kettle along with us.

We are the US's largest trading partner. Last year we exported roughly $450b fuckin' piasse (CAD) to the US in electricity alone. That’s an awful lot of hydro, folks. So, let’s say we just... cut that off. Flip the breaker. Not forever, but just long enough for them to know we're serious. And when we bring it back? Buddies, we do it at an absolute piss-show of a mark-up.

Canada supplies over half of U.S. crude oil imports—4.3 million barrels per day. That's a couple-three too many to just replace overnight. That means if we turn off the taps, they can kiss those gas prices goodbye, ‘cause they’d be skyrocketing to $5–$7 per gallon, roundabaouts. And higher energy costs would increase inflation, worsening the cost-of-living crisis faster than a deer on the 1A.

Canada also supplies about 10% of total U.S. natural gas consumption. Minnesota, Michigan, Illinois, and the Northeast rely heavily on Canadian gas, especially in the winter to keep the wind from cutting 'em in half. A sudden loss would lead to shortages and insane heating costs, particularly when it's colder than a witches' tit in a brass bra out and a bunny hug alone won't save ya... which is now, conveniently! Factories would also see costs rise by a significant percentage (though not as much as regular folks would because America).

That said, Industries that rely on fuel from the Great White North are still going to start seeing prices that cost more than a Leafs ticket in the playoffs, with oil refineries, agriculture, and manufacturing industries bein' especially kicked in the mitts.

Trump's all full of piss and vinegar, swearin' up and down that the U.S. can produce all its own energy. Okay, bud. Giv'r. In the meantime, we could be slick as a smelts and sell some of that oil to Mexico instead (we already do a bit but there's room to almost double how much), which would have the added bonus of helping them dodge some of these tariffs that are about as useful as tits on a bull while we’re at it. Sure, it’s a little spicy CUSMA-wise, but you know what else is a bit spicy for CUSMA? Trump’s goddamn tariffs. So in for a loonie, in for a toonie, my friends. Let him challenge it - that would trigger NATO oversight and I'm pretty sure that dog won't hunt.

The great thing about this is, should Fürher von Cheeto realize he fucked up but not want to admit it, his only other play would be to increase imports from OPEC. Last I checked, OPEC was made up of countries who's hackles he's already gotten up by supporting Israel (Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, the UAE), as well as countries who he referred to as "shit hole countries" and/or accused of just being criminals and rapists (Venezuela, Libya, Algeria, Nigeria, Gabon, Equatorial Guinea, and Congo). I'm sure the screeching in would go super well.

Cutting off our energy would knock down the U.S. GDP by almost 1%, and could raise inflation by up to 2% very quickly. This is just the energy sector and we're already havin' a time, folks!

Now, let's talk about critical minerals!

We are sitting on a goddam goldmine. Or, well, a lithium, nickel, cobalt, graphite, copper, rare earth elements (REEs) and uranium mine—but you get the idea. If we cut off mineral exports to the U.S., this whole hootenanny would turn into a real tire fire real quick. Canada is the lead dog in the sled when it comes to supplying most of these materials to the U.S., and they're essential for defense, technology, and green energy (though we know the leafs will make the playoffs before he ever gives a hoot about that last one).

Let's see what that would look like: right off the hop, the EV, and Battery Industries would be totally hooped. Canada supplies 88% of U.S. nickel imports, which is a necessary material in EV batteries. We're also a top supplier of cobalt and lithium, and we're almost 100% of the US' graphite supply, all of which are essential for Tesla, Ford, GM, and others to make their cars. And the icing on your timbit? All of Elon Musk's companies right now rely almost exclusively on us hosers for cobalt. Without this, EV production could plummet, resulting in thousands of jobs lost, increased prices, and tardy adoption timelines. It would also cause Musk's stock and net worth to drop faster than a puck onto fresh ice, just sayin'.

(Note: he'd still be stupid rich because the world is a terrible place, but he'd be slightly less stupid rich)

Sort of on that note, say goodbye to American-made smartphones, laptops, and semiconductors. Most of the materials the tech industry needs for that come from us. That supply chain will be colder than a banker's heart when chip production in the U.S. freezes over.

Oh, and this one's my favourite... DEFENSE. Guess who the big cheese is when it comes to supplying uranium, the thing the US needs to keep making nukes, submarines, and reactors? Canada! Not that we should be especially proud of this one. We are also a major supplier of Rare Earth Elements (REEs), that they use for fighter jets, guided missiles, and satellites. This would not only mean delays in the manufacturing of all this military equipment, but would leave the US with no option but to turn to China for the REEs. Both those things are - you guessed it - actual threats to national security. Guess the DoD is about to get redder than a Mountie in a blizzard... maybe in more ways than one.

Being so fucking for real, though: trade war or no trade war, we need to stop providing critical military materials to a nation that is actively threatening not only our sovereignty, but that of our allies. Seriously, what are we doing?

To add more curds to this poutine, this cutoff could lead to the offing of nuclear power plants relying on Canadian uranium. Add that to the fact that we also supply critical minerals for wind turbines, solar panels, and energy storage, and not only is almost the entire green energy sector getting dragged to the back forty, but the energy crisis we talked about earlier would get rougher than a badger's backside, particularly in nuclear-dependent states.

It would take years for the U.S. to find someone else to help 'em fill their boots, which means critical minerals are probably Canada’s biggest geopolitical asset in this. And it's not like we'd be sitting around waiting for America to come crawling back. The EU---Sweden and Germany specifically---are looking to find more reliable ethically sourced minerals. Would they ever be able to bring in the kind of Muskoka money that the US does for us now? No. But it might make the hit more tolerable on our end, while also opening the door for more future cellies with the EU.

And these are just the things we could cut off completely. But why keep all our eggs in the basket of a country led by a man who couldn't empty his boots if the instructions were on the heel? Trade diversification in general is an effective tool to leverage our power here and stabilize our economy on a long-term basis. And when it comes to opportunities for that, the world is our prairie oyster:

We could ramp up our Agricultural trade with the EU. We already have CETA in place and our goods meet and exceed their quality regulation.

We could parter with EU countries on sustainable energy projects (we already have a lot of groundwork done for that, so we could put it into place faster than most Canadian learn to say "je suis un ananas").

Japan’s craving high-quality beef and pork, and our farmers could absolutely dominate that market.

We could virtually flood the global dairy market (or at least the US' share of it). We literally produce more dairy than we consume right now because of a stupid clause in CUSMA (which, again, seems to be going out the window) where we're not allowed to export our excess dairy in order to protect the US dairy industry that would be completely priced out of the game if they had to compete with Canadian prices. So much for free market, eh? Canada’s dairy industry is also just more regulated and stable, meaning it could present itself as a more reliable dairy exporter to regions where the U.S. dominates, like Latin America and Asia.

We could get corn products (and other produce, but especially corn) exclusively from Mexico, a country that actually determines US corn prices because they're a government subsidized industry, and the government deliberately subsidizes to just under Mexican corn prices in order to stay competitive.

We could invest in establishing Agricultural Infrastructure Development projects with Brazil and Argentina, which would streamline their distribution and solve a lot of their supply chain logistics needs, strengthening all our economies and reducing American dependencies on all sides

I don't really love this one, but we could expand our aerospace and defense sector. The U.S. is currently the world’s largest exporter of aircraft and defense technology, but Canada has a really strong aerospace sector too, with Bombardier, CAE, Pratt & Whitney Canada, etc. There are lots of countries (including some neutral/allied countries) wanting to reduce reliance on U.S. military exports due to political reasons, which could open opening opportunities for Canada.

We could - and should, even for just internal reasons - expand our pharmaceutical industry. The U.S. dominates global pharmaceutical exports, but Canada produces many high-quality generic drugs at lower costs, and our public healthcare system, flawed as it may be, ensures strict quality control, making our pharmaceuticals appealing to countries with emerging healthcare systems. Also, a lot of countries would just like to reduce reliance on U.S. pharma giants like Pfizer, Merck, and J&J simply due to costs. If we expand generic drug exports to Latin America, Africa, and Asia, compete with U.S. companies on vaccine and biotech exports, and sell cheaper insulin & prescription drugs to Mexico and Europe, we'd seriously undercut a massive sector in the US. We'd also have more accessible drugs for us, and we could partner with a variety of allied countries on manufacturing and R&D investments that would result in great deals for them and a faster implementation and expansion timeline for us.

We could revisit the CANZUK agreement - ideally not from a colonialist tradionalist lens this time (fucking conservatives) - and establish a proper free trade and free movement agreement between Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the UK, focused on growing the tourism, services, business, banking, and tech sectors rather than import/export of agricultre and raw materials, which would let us circumvent some of the logisitcal issues initially brought up with establishing long-distance supply chains, while strengthening each country's economy and trading power and encouraging shared cross border investment and economic shares in R&D and manufacturing.

And finally, my favourite but the absolute most longshot option, we could join the EU. It's a very very very long shot (no one should hold their breath), but it's not like those discussions haven't happened. If not fully join, we could angle at becoming an associate member, or expand CETA or establish some other such agreement to allow free movement, industrial development incentives, and further free trade opportunities.

And if we absolutely must trade with the U.S., we can be tighter than bark on a tree and process our goods through third-party countries. By setting up subsidiaries in Latin America, Asia, or the EU, we could reclassify our exports under different tariff rates. Sure, our allies would get a cut, but it might still be less than the tariffs in some cases. Example? Shipping goods through Saint-Pierre and Miquelon (yep, that tiny island just up the line from Newfoundland) technically counts as shipping through France. Would it be feasible for everything? No. But it’d be just feasible enough to piss off the right people and let 'em know that the deerflies are out. Buddy might retaliate with tariffs on the EU, but the US economy would go straight in the fishin' hole if he tariffed himself out of trade deals with ALL of us.

Finally, on that subject, we are not exactly in a canoe without a paddle. We've got friends in NATO and we've got friends in the Commonwealth, one of who's core pillars is to "help grow economies and boost trade." We can find ways to come together so we're all laughin' by the end of it. We can also put pressure on our NATO allies to impose tariffs and sanctions on the US if this carries on down the road a ways, or to turn over some of the US' share of their spending to our industries whenever possible. And we should be after doin' that with Mexico already.

Is this all feasible and would this all work? No, of course not! I'm not an economist or an international trade specialist or any kind of top lobster when it comes to this stuff... In fact, I'm willing to bet there's nuance behind a lot of what I say that would make things worse! I'm just someone who did too much reading while losing sleep and taking notes on all of this. I would encourage you to do your own research as well and not just trust an anonymous stranger from the internet! But once you do and you have a sense of what you think would be a good idea, fuckin' give'r!!! Quit chirpin’ and start workin’, buds.

We are still lucky enough to live in a democracy where our elected officials do - for the most part - respond to their constituents, and are obligated to at minimum receive a compiled briefings on all correspondence that comes in for them. Right now, this is the most I've ever seen Canadians come together, as the vast majority of our representatives recognize this for the threat that it is, and are unwilling to get smoked like a cheap pack of darts. Flawed as our system might be, it is still functioning and it is still our right to participate in it and make our voices heard. So, write your MPs and your MPPs and ask them to expedite the cutoff of electricity and critical minerals to the US.... or whatever demand you land on after looking in to things yourself! While you're at it, write to every provincial premier, and to every cabinet minister, and to all the major party leaders. Hell, write to your mayor, to Industry Groups, to Cross-Border Coalitions... quelqu'un qu'y a du poids dans l’arène!

These are rights we can and SHOULD be exploiting, and more than that it is our duty as citizens who care about our democracy to exert political pressure on our leaders to move in the direction we want them to. But you gotta be in the canoe to paddle the river! Go exercise that right and make some demands. Nicely, but firmly. And repeatedly when it comes to the elected officials. This day and age, you can even schedule and automate the writing, tailoring, and sending of these messages (though be responsible with that). Basically, don't sit down and shut up until we get what we want.

Be a nuisance, but be polite about it. Be fuckin' Canadian... eh?

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