#MY MOM TOLD ME THE SAME THING ABT MARRYING COUSINS

[desi-lgbt-fest]

As a young sapphic who's still in high school and coming into her identity, it gives me chills sometimes when my mom laughs and talks of a possible near future where she hopes to marry me to a boy(and goes on to talk of how he must be from the same community and I should be glad I'm not marrying my cousin). It makes me wanna work harder and get a scholarship to go abroad as far as I can. Any advice or hope?

Hey anon, first of all, thank you so much for sharing, and know that you're not the only one who feels this way.

This is a bit anecdotal but let me tell you a story of how, literally two days ago, I went to this local south asian pride event. In hindsight, there weren't a lot of people there. Maybe upwards to about 80 to 100 people? However, when I arrived, I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of queer desi people just present. And I'm talking trans people, genderqueers, asexuals, people in poly relationships, and people of all genders in lehengas and kurtas and rainbow saris. There were people out to their parents and even more not out, preferring to live freely and safely.

Even as a queer person myself, I could not comprehend how many people there were like me and different from me. And I am fortunate to live in a very tolerant country. I remember saying out loud "Oh my god there are so many people here," and someone replying "Yeah, we exist outside of the screen too." I think it occurred to me then that maybe it's not a matter of me being alone, but me choosing to be because I'm always overwhelmed, shy, or terrified of the consequences of not meeting expectations.

Basically, anon, I'm trying to say that there is always hope. And often, community is much closer to you than you think. There are many of us living in similar circumstances. However, just like you, we fight in our own little ways. Some of us push back marriage to "focus on our careers", some might indoctrinate their parents in tiny ways until they are a little more tolerant than before, and others straight up come out after they have established themselves independently (these people are braver than any soldier to me). Either way, no matter the circumstance, we are always fighting.

Study hard, and go to a college far away. Or study hard and go to a college close by. Stay with your parents or don't stay with them. Get a job, or don't. Either way one day you will be an adult and you will find that community, and you will learn how to fight even harder than before.

[coffin-flop]

Okay, so I just came out as gay this year @ the age of 22. My journey with sexuality has been very long and complicated. I wanted to type it out and I'm on moblie so I don't have below the cut thing. This will deal with sex and sexuality (and touches on substance abuse and abusive relationships in non-graphic manners). And of course homophobia, internalized homophobia, compulsory heterosexuality, etc. And I want to state that this is not a blanket statement abt ppl who are bi and it is only a very personal account of my journey.

I was in middle school when I came out as bi. I believe it was the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I told a close friend of mine that I liked girls, that I was bi. She said she felt the same way. A huge relief was lifted.

I told my cousin later that summer that I had a crush on the girl I came out to. She was so supportive.

During 8th grade, the girl I came out to and I were secretly dating. We texted flirty things (in a very innocent, 13 year old way) and held hands and went on "dates"

Her mom found out via diary snooping. My mom found out via phone snooping. Both were very unhappy. Her mom was much more outwardly mean.

But my mom sat me down and asked if I knew what this meant. If I was prepared for the loneliness and bullying, for being called/thought of as a "dyke." She also brought up not getting grandkids from me during this conversation.

She also sat in on a session with my therapist (who I was seeing for unrelated mental health issues) who called my sexuality a phase, even after I said it was not.

I stayed out as bi. The girl and I had to stop being friends, but I made other queer friends as I started high school.

My first boyfriend (who was abusive otherwise) mocked my sexuality and told me we would never see same-sex marriage be legalized.

My sophomore year, I joined gsa. Made even more queer friends. I think this is the year I first went to pride. I was very open about being pro LGBT. My mom had to accept me.

But she accepted me in that toxic Catholic mom of a queer kid way. She told me that she could really only see me ending up with a man (while saying she could see another queer girl we knew ending up with a woman).

When I'm a junior in high school, I date a girl who's made of gold. We made out a lot. We only did something sexual once and I received no pleasure, but holy fuck it was the most fun I've ever had in bed.

This girl's mom is not accepting. My mom is much more so, but she still shows herself in quieter ways. Like reminding me how not accepting the other mom is. How hard the lifestyle I'm choosing is.

Things don't work out, because that's life. My senior year, my mental health goes south. I start to party and my substance abuse issue starts. I start blowing and sleeping with guys because I should. Because it's "fun." Because it gets me attention and is way easier (logistically, being a high schooler in the suburbs in the mid 2010s) than banging girls.

And so, sleeping with dudes becomes part of my personality when I go away to college. At this point in my life, I never came during sex. Or foreplay. I'd only came while masturbating. I thought this was normal.

When away at college, I sleep with quite a few dudes and am completely unsatisfied

I sleep with one girl and fuck. That's what sex feels like!!! For years, I chalked it up to girls knowing girls bodies better, not attraction.

I also entered an open & poly relationship my freshman year. It was me, a dude, and a woman. I came a lot during our threesomes. And whenever the dude gave me molly. Just assumed it had to do with being adventurous. It couldn't have to do with attraction, I was attracted to men too because I was bi, I've been out as bi since I was 12.

I came home from college bc of mental breakdown and almost immediately started to sleep with a friend from high school. We started dating. It wasn't until I fell in love with him that I began to come during sex or foreplay. Assumed it had all to do with him learning my body, nothing to do with attraction.

And then, single, at 22, it hit me. Holy fuck I'm gay. I'm a lesbian. I'm not attracted to dudes!

Little twelve year old me was experiencing compulsory heterosexuality (a word I didn't know until I was 18). Little twelve year old me NOTICED an attraction to girls, but thought attraction to boys was just obviously part of the whole deal.

And then, almost immediately, I was told time and time again (by my mom and that shitty ex but also a lot of media I was exposed to) that being gay was hard and scary and lonely. At least, since I was bi, I'd probably end up happy and married to a dude.

And so, I forced myself into this weird, uncomfortable narrative. I had a lot of sex with a lot of men, not because of the sexual or romantic gratification, but because of the other things you can gain from sex. And I thought this was why everybody had sex.

And all throughout my life, I was more attracted to girls. I was pretty open about that. But I didn't even suspect I was gay. Because I'd been out as bi for so long and I sleep with dudes all the time.

Anyway, it's been a weird, long journey. And sometimes I get embarrassed saying I'm gay and then having this past with men. I feel like I'm not gay enough or that it's a phase or that I'm a bad example for both gay & bi people.

But fuck that noise. This is me. I'm gay. I struggled with it for so many years, I finally get to be happy with the fact that I'm a lesbian.

[wlwhyuck]

💫🌟85 questions tag🌟🌙

i was tagged by @najaeminclub to do this, and even though ive already done this it was awhile ago and i thought i’d do it again for fun lol 

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

last:

1. drink: water from my lovely hydroflask

2. phone call: my best friend last night i Love her

3. text message: “sippy sip bitch” to my fav cousin lol 

4. song you listened to: japan by famous dex

5. time you cried: uh last night nyoom

ever:

6. dated someone twice: nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: uh yeah

10. been depressed: yes 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no bc i can Control myself and plus im never just drunk so ive never gotten to the point of throwing up....and i have a like. fear of vomit/vomitting 

favorite colours:

12. black

13. red

14. blue

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yes omg

16. fallen out of love: out of lust ? mayhaps. love? no

17. laughed until you cried: every time my dumb ass laughs at dumb shit i cry

18. found out someone was talking about you: i love hearing abt ppl talking abt me and this isnt even sarcasm 

19. met someone who changed you: yes and im grateful

20. found out who your friends are: this first year of college/university/whatever has shown me a lot and im grateful

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: i havent been on fb in like 5 yrs

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: i never added ppl i didnt know irl

23. do you have any pets: no but i wish /:

24. do you want to change your name: used to want to change it from korin to korinne lol 

25. what did you do for your last birthday: dank ass korean food with my stupid friends that i love to death, threw a soft serve cone out a sun roof while on the freeway(not my proudest moment i dont usually litter ksjdfskljdf), and boba 

26. what time did you wake up today: like 8-thirty something

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching greys anatomy lol i got like 12 seasons to go before i catch up

28. what is something you can’t wait for: 88rising’s head in the clouds and honne in the same week! also im going to this super bougie kbbq place for my cousins bday w our friends soon we havent been in forever

29. what are you listening to right now: incidentally, head in the clouds by joji

30. when was the last time you saw your mom: like this morning before she left for work

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i have actually known zero toms my entire life

32. something that gets on your nerves: i work retail im sure you can imagine what gets on my nerves (customers)

33. most visited website: youtube and tumblr and ssense (bc i love torturing myself)

34. hair colour: black brown

35. long or short hair: its short rn !! but i miss my long hair too

36. do you have a crush on someone: @doysauce hey i have a crush on u 

37. what do you like about yourself: my knowledge of fashion and ive been told im a good listener and give good advice

38. want any piercings: i dont want any more tbh! i used to want industrials in both ears

39. blood type: i have. no idea

40. nicknames: korn flakes, cup o noodle, k, krin

41. relationship status: tengo una novia hehe

42. zodiac: capricorn

43. pronouns: she/her, they/them doesnt matter.. im agender/non-binary but its more a me thing than anything tbh !

44. fave tv shows: greys anatomy

45. tattoos: one on the outside of my wrist!

46. right handed or left handed: right

47. ever had surgery: no

48. piercings: just my ears!

49. sport: i dont Move.mp3

50. vacation: id love to go to japan, germany, russia, paris, korea

51. trainers: i have a pair of white a1s i wear almost everyday

more general:

52. eating: i’m eating canned peaches and i added ice bc. i hate warm fruit

53. drinking: water rn but i love oolong milk tea or matcha thai tea

54. i’m about to watch: greys anatomy S2E21

55. waiting for: my best friend to pick me up so we can go to the movies n eat n do dumb shit

56. want: fuckin air conditioning its so hot in my room bye

57. get married: perhaps one day but idk. my parents arent even married theyve just been together all these yrs

58. career: bithc a job in the fashion industry. in the digital editorial department of one of the following: ssense, dsm, grailed, dazed, nylon

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses: both uwu

60. lips or eyes: both

61. shorter or taller: taller 

62. older or younger: uh idk no one younger by like a yr or two lol

63. nice arms or stomach: i mean if its a Boy i love. arm girls i dont care bc theyre Perfect

64. hookup or relationship: relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: 85% troublemaker 15% hesitant hehe

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger: nah

67. drank hard liquor: strawberry sky yummmmm

68. lost glasses: yes every goddamn morning

69. turned someone down: uh yeah rip lol

70. sex on first date: if ur both down n consent then why not

71. broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so ?

72. had your heart broken: yes 

73. been arrested: no

74. cried when someone died: yes

75. fallen for a friend: big Yeah

do you believe in:

76. yourself: mostly

77. miracles: sometimes

78. love at first sight: no 

79. santa claus: no

80. kiss on first date: if you’re both down then why not tbh 

81. angels: her name is zyla

other:

82. best friend’s name: tirza 

83. eye colour: brown

84. fave movie: interstellar, dunkirk, ready player one, arrival

85. fave actor: i dont have a favorite actor rip

i am not tagging 20 ppl sjdskjd but i Am tagging newer mutuals! @officialrenjuns @1aphrodite @donghyonce @sitgma @4-am @huangfilms @yuckhi @1yangs @saphore @littleprincejeno @1eehyuck @nctchenle

[realmzenith]

elaina ! :)

lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv

How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye

How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her

What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 

What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing

Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely

What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)

What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”

Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex

What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady

What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill

What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor

Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience

Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)

Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 

What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking

How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!

[forwyk]

Tagged by @markleesgiggle - thank u for tagging me lad ❤️ we gotta talk more!!!

Rules: Answers these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: coke

2. Phone Call: the local chinese to order my sister her dinner

3. Text message: my friend talking to me about this thing I applied to nd helping me word my reply

4. Song you listened to: Pırlanta - Demet Akalın // HONESTLY LADS THIS IS SUCH A BOP

5. Time you cried: like,, so much this week bc I miss a big part of my family. More specifically tho, this morning nd for the same reason

6. Dated someone twice: lads I haven't even went out w someone once

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nopeee. But I have dodged a kiss nd regretted it?

8. Been cheated on: nah m8

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: don't think so

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: the most I've ever gotten is tipsy so nope, no throwing up

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12-14. blue, black and white (but not blue nd black together no thank u)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: new acquaintances I guess? but not really friend-friends. online though @taestyhoe​

16. Fallen out of love: nah

17. Laughed until you cried: yes omw the other day my sister chocked on her ice cream out of nowhere nd the noise was so funny 😂😂😂🙈 I laughed so much I ended up crying nd winding myself :') but seriously, I've laughed so much these past 2 weeks :'))

18. Found out someone was talking about you: boi have I omw, ngl it hurt like heck but what can u do

19. Met someone who changed you: mhm

20. Found out who your friends are: yup, it wasn't a v nice time nd I'm still not completely over it but I know who I can definitely depend on now, nd hopefully they know that they can depend on me too

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nearly

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all

23. Do you have any pets: a wee pupper

24. Do you want to change your name: not really but I also really like the spelling "Zehra" over "Zahra" so

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: had some friends over

26. What time did you wake up: around 9ish

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I think I was resting, either that or watching CBB

28. Name something you can’t wait for: to see the other half of my family again

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a wee minute ago

30. What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: my health status? Like sometimes arthritis just,, it gets in the way nd it's v annoying. I've adjusted a lot but also ?? Plus my hands alongside that just.. they make me frustrated esp when I can't do what others my age can do smh. Also mental health?? Like I wanna be more ~stable~ than I am or at least have more effective coping mechanisms I guess sorry for all this oversharing whoops

31. What are you listening to right now: nothing

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my own nerves lmao

34. Most visited website: atm it's prolly google translate bc I've been trying to expand my Turkish vocabulary for talking to my cousins

35. Elementary: done

36. High School: done

37. College: find out soon but I don't wanna think about it

38. Haircolor: mostly brown

39. Long or short hair: sorta longish?

40. Do you have a crush on someone: kinda skdjfuejsnsnd

41. What do you like about yourself: I think I'm a good listener nd I always try to take other people feelings into consideration

42. Piercings: ears

43. Bloodtype: idk

44. Nickname: my surname

45. Relationship status: single

46. ???

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: Chicago Typewriter yooooooo

49. Tattoos: not atm but I'd like a few

50. Right or left: right (handed??)

51. Surgery: I've had a few bc hands, tonsils nd arthritis lmao

52. Piercing: not fussed

53. Sport: haha

54. ???

55. Vacation: TURKEY OMW LADS I LOVE GOING THERE SM I GET TO SEE MY FAMILY ND SOME PALS ND I ALWAYS HAVE SUCH A LAUGH W MY COUSINS THE SUN CLEARS MY SKIN UP ND I LOVE THE FOOD TOO!!! IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR THE WEE PART I GO TO LIKE WHAT TH E HECK

56. Pair of trainers: converse

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: nothing

58. Drinking: nothing

59. I’m about to: idk yet, might footer abt nd go over some Turkish or watch tonight's ep of CBB

60. ???

61. Waiting for: results determining if I get into uni or not :)

62. Want: to be able to speak Turkish nd visit my Turkish family more often

63. Get married: yes pls

64. Career: I'd love to go into music journalism

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs but I guess it depends on the situation hehe

66. Lips or eyes: lips

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: older, but if they’re a wee tad younger than me idm

69. ???

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach

71. Sensitive or loud: both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: neither

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nah m8

75. Drank hard liquor: I've had p strong stuff but nah

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: prolly

77. Turned someone down: well, a guy kept trying to say nd do stuff on snapchat but it made me uncomfortable so I ended the convo nd blocked him lmao, idk if this counts???

78. Sex in the first date: no thanku

79. Broken someones heart: doubt it

80. Had your heart broken: idk, don't think so

81. Been arrested: nah

82. Cried when someone died: yup

83. Fallen for a friend: nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: idk?

85. Miracles: lowkey

86. Love at first sight: nah, like there may be an initial attraction but I don't believe you can love someone without knowing them

87. Santa Claus: I was told on Christmas Eve lol

88. Kiss in the first date: depends on the person

89. Angels: yes

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Laura, Hope, Ruth, Jess

91. Eyecolor: brown

92. Favorite movie: I'm not really a movie person but I do enjoy a wee watch of Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging

I tag @taestyhoe @taeyongfireeyes @angel-spices @bowtrckle @helzo-has-a-blog @fangirllingsince1995 @imxjaebeom @twinmoless and @sugadaddytaeyong

[myerstumbluh]

answered questions :)

1: What would you name your future daughter?: Deliana (both my grandmothers names together). Her middle name would be Maria after my mom and last name is up to whoever i marry and all that jazz.

2: Do you miss anyone? I miss my grandmother.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? I’d hide behind my hands a squeal all the thanks and cri a little.

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? Surprisingly, no.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week? Hanging out with my gf :)) and also participating in a poetry slam??!!

6: Did you go out or stay in last night? Well my cousin, her bf, my little brother and i all went up to Old orchard Beach in Maine and we were out from 8AM to like 9PM and on our way home we got ice cream from the Puritan and then after that the three of us and my older brother and his gf played UNO till midnight so I guess both?

7: How late did you stay up last night? Till like 1. I was tired man.

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? My friend and I went shopping and tried on stuff in front of each other if that counts. It was nothing sexual lol we just needed to FORCE EACH OTHER TO TRY ON UGLY-ASS 1400 DOLLAR DRESSES.

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? I was cleaning my room and eating nachos.

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? Not that i recall. Edit- actually this one person (that i really dont like) said it to me in a platonic way and i just said it back to not start anything yknow

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?: Um i mean if my life depended on it.

12: Have you pretended to like someone?: Friend-wise, yeahh.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?: Yeee yee

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?: My little brother- even if he’s a little shit sometimes.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?: Definitely. Im a clingy-ass person

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?: nOPE :D

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?: yES

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?: Does my little brother whilst crossing the street count?

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?: Uhh no actually.

20: Who did you last see in person?: My little brother (he’s on the top bunk if you were wondering)

21: What is the last thing you said out loud?: “Noah, you have to go to bed at 10:30, ok?”

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?: no?

23: Have you ever been to Paris?: NO BUT I WANT TO

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?: LOL NO IM A FUCKING WRECKK

25: Do you use chap stick?: When i need to, but i (sadly) dont always have it on hand.

26: Who did you last share a bed with?: My mom

27: Are you listening to music right now?: No. i cant find my headphones :((

28: What is something you currently want right now?: A few more weeks of summer pls and thank.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?: yeeyee!!

30: How is your heart lately? Good! Head over heels but good!

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Yeah bc i have a lot of hair and i usually have it in a bun and then i put my hood on and end up looking like Pinhead Larry.

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? My little brother telling me sorry for screaming.

33: What do people call you? “Myer” “Noodle”

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? Yeah. mostly happens w my mom or like people that i want to yell at but shouldnt

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? yyes

36: What are you listening to right now? My fan whirring

37: What is wrong with you right now? IM INSECURE ABT MY BODY CHUB BUT LIKE FALL IS COMING SOON WHICH MEANS I CAN HIDE IT W HIGH WAISTED PANTS AND FLOPPY SWEATERS!!!

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? YES YES YES IT IS

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11? Lol not seriously. Well, ok maybe sometimes

40: What is on your wrists right now? A fading sharpie doodle and scars from 3 years ago

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? tAKEN AF

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? American eagle. Summer of 2015

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Nope

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week? Yee. my mom, my dad, my brothers, my cousin, her bf, my dog,,,,

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? No :(((

46: What were you doing at midnight last night? Playing uno and eating marshmallows

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? Lol NO NOT AT ALL BUCCO

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Someone else bc im lowkey afraid of the dark and having a person next to me is comforting.

49: Have you ever been to New York? YES AND IT WAS GREAT

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? yES

[clone420]

havent rly posted anything personal in a while. i dont care if this gets notes or not. i feel like i havent updated this blog with the stuff that has been going on in my life. so i’m gonna take a crack at it. in february my aunt (in the 1st pic) was admitted to the hospital. a year before she had a fall when she went to el salvador. physical therapy worsened her condition. she initially had one fractured bone in her spine and x-rays revealed she had 4. she had numerous complications and was admitted into ICU. i spent my entire spring break with her in the hospital. when she woke up she was teary eyed. she began to show signs of improvement even asked my cousin’s husband to order an uber for her in order for her to leave the hospital. almost a month after being admitted to the hospital she passed. my aunt was a second mother for me. i miss her a lot. in the picture she is photographed w her husband. he finally told me the story of how they met. whenever he talks abt her he speaks as if that was his true love. during that time, i helped my gf move into her new place. we painted every wall, cleaned it up (bc it was grosss) and made it look rad af. there was a cat that began to visit us. we put a box out and she claimed our doormat. later the handyman told us that she had been adopted by every person that lived in my gf’s apt but everyone left her behind. so we adopted her. she’s 11 years old and finally living it up as an indoor cat. i totaled my car when it was raining heavy. spun out on the freeway and crashed into the divider. ive been using a lot of public transportation since then. has made me appreciate that car so much more. has made me realize that i took it for granted. it takes me now up to two hrs to get anywhere. but man, have i seen some shit. i also walk a lot more now, so it’s not all bad. cant wait till i have a car again tho. my nephew is growing up sooo much. he finally calls me katie. he used to call me dayda, then key and a few months ago he would only say katie if he was upset with me. i was taking care of him on tuesdays for abt a month. and he was obsessed with my steven universe action figures. he started his first day of preschool yesterday. i love him so much. i cant wait for his baby brother to be born in august. i graduated!!! cum laud in BA of sociology/communications. it was a dream. still cant believe that happened. and i got a job. i start thursday. i was so nervous that i didn’t hear back from them so i started applying to a lot of jobs. i was starting to get disheartened but i cant believe how everything is working out. my parents finally met my gf. completely different outcome that i expected when i came out to them last year. same night of graduation, my mom and i flew to el salvador. it was my first time in my homeland. it was beautiful. i met a lot of my family and i was able to celebrate mother’s day w my mom and grandmother for the first time. a few random phrases that can explain my trip: hella good food, mangos every where, hot and humid, no hot water, heat rises, tears at the airport. alaia and i went to pride a few weeks ago. she’s so fucking good to me. i love her so much and i cant wait to marry her. having her in my life makes it a little easier. sure we dont have a perfect relationship, but we r rly good w each other. i guess the last pic also represents all the beautiful times we spend together.

there r so many other things that have happened, but these r the milestones. all the in between moments r important and i wouldnt change anything. p.s. if u got to the end, message me. let’s be friends and i’m not bsing u. p.s.s. this is for u, bear. i love u.

[fourlynchclover]

Do all

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? it was probably like my mom lmao so yeah2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? yes that’s like the lowest age id date i ain’t tryna get arrested cause someone’s underage 😂3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? like constantly 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? i always do5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? i’m not talking to anyone or dating anyone so no lmao 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? no i haven’t listened to any music today 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? some leggings and a sleep shirt 8. How often do you listen to music? not every day maybe like every other day every two days 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? sweats 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? lmao let’s change that to 2018 and no 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? antisocial af i don’t know anyone 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? no 13. What about ‘R’? no 14. Can you drive a stick shift? i can’t drive at all15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? yeah but no16. Are you going out of town soon? no not till june 17. When was the last time you cried? idk like yesterday probably 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? yes 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? mmmm no 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? my brother 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. i slept until 730pm lmao 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? no 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? no24. What are you sitting on right now? a chair25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? no 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yes 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? christina 28. Do you get a lot of colds? yes i’m sick right now ffff29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? walmart30. Does anyone hate you? probably 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? actually i think i have an empty wine bottle in my room lmao beer bottles too32. Do you like watching scary movies? yes33. Do you want your tongue pierced? no 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? honestly. 2017 35. Did you have a dream last night? yeah it was weird 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? idk tbh 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? no lmao 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? no😂😂😂😂39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? 😂 nah fam. 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? i slept all day 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? no 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? no 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes but where they at now? not here lol44. What’s the best part about school? nothing 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? yes46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? no 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? literally constantly 48. Were you single over the last summer? yes 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? not at allllll50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? idk nothing 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? i don’t talk to guys tbh lol 52. Are you nice to everyone? no 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yes 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yes 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? yes 56. Do you think you like someone? no 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? no 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? girls 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? uhhh idk tbh 60. Do you hate anyone? no 61. How’s your heart? it hurts 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? yes 63. Have you ever cried over a guy? yes lmao 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? no one. no one knows i exist enough to talk abt me 65. Are your toenails painted pink? no 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? i hope not 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? idk man68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? yes😂69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? my mom probably 70. How do you look right now? sick and gross 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? no. 72. Can you commit to one person? yes 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? no 74. Have you ever felt replaced? yes 75. Did you wake up cranky? usually76. Are you a jealous person? hella 77. Are relationships ever worth it? probably 78. Anyone you’re giving up on? no 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? yes 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? nothing81. Last person you cried in front of? idk82. Is there someone you will never forget? yes83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? i don’t have feelings for anyone 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? idk85. Are you over your past? lol no 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? yes 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? not really 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? yes. 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? yes 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yes91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? how am i supposed to know92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? yes 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? no 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? nope 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? i didn’t like anyone in march lol 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? it was my 15 year old cousin so 97. Who do you have texts from? ^^98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? tell them to go for it and be happy 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? no one 101. Ever kissed under fireworks? no 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? yes