#MY HEART IS WITH GARCON

[studiousbotanist]

RINA SAWAYAMA SAVED THE LGBT COMMUNITY !!!!!!!!!

[misserabella]

consume

vampire! reader x human! ellie williams

“ and you can take my flesh if you want girl, but baby don’t abuse it. these voices in my head screaming run now, i’m praying that they’re human. ”

synopsis; heartbroken, for having lost the love of her life, in one of her multiple sleepless nights, the danger creeps through her open window, hungry, famished for blood… a danger with your face.

cw; +18 content! minors dni!! angst (with happy ending), blood, breeding kink, praise kink, praising, dirty talking, degradation, multiple orgasms, oral sex (e! receiving), fingering (f receiving), tribbing, cum eating, dirty talking, dry humping, teasing, overstimulation, blood kink, blood drinking, biting…

That night was like any other. Ellie laying there in absolute darkness and silence, staring at the ceiling, trying to sleep to no avail. She had been crying all day. Like the last 6 days. Unable to stop thinking about you, her girlfriend, who had disappeared almost a week ago with no trace behind. It had all been her fault. If only she had given you a lift that night after the cinema… If only she had insisted when you said you wanted to take a walk back to the apartment… Maybe you would be safe now. Maybe you would be knocking at her door, sleeping beside her… She would be hugging you, kissing you, saying i love you to you in the mornings…

But suddenly, she heard something bumping through the night at the salon of her apartment. Her eyes widened as every single muscle of her body froze in place, expecting, awaiting for the sound to fill the space once again so she could be sure that it was real and not just another trick of her tired mind. Her breathing was quiet, so quiet she may have even stopped breathing at all.

She jumped out of bed when she heard more bumping and crashing down the hall, all six senses on alert and ready to fight. ‘2:45’ her clock read. Someone was inside her apartment, someone who wasn’t supposed to be inside.

“Shit.” she muttered, eyes quickly looking for something to defend herself. Her mind was working on full speed, ‘till her switchblade came to it. Her hands were shaking when she took it in between her fingers, steps silent and careful as she walked towards her door, swinging it open as she heard ruffling from the kitchen.

As she grew closer to it, the refrigerator’s light filled the room and allowed her to see the window she had left just the slightest open, so the apartment wouldn’t get too hot, completely open, the curtains dancing with the wind that came through and inside.

Carefully, she neared the end and corner of the hallway, peeking just the slightest just to see someone rumbling through her fridge, tossing things out of it, breaking glass jars and containers in the process all around the floor. Ellie almost cursed. She couldn’t really see the person, head fully inside the fridge, only a pair of really dirty and torn shorts with messy shoes on sight. Nice, probably a fucking drug addict or psycho. And the phone was just beside the door, across the goddamn kitchen. She would be seen before she could get to it.

She would have to take care of it on her own.

She slowly approached the intruder, knife in hand and silent steps, though her heart jumped on her chest when the person rumbling through her bridge suddenly stopped, froze on the spot. Ellie’s eyes widened, she was feet away from them. There was no possible way she had been heard, right?

Oh but she had…

Her breath hitched when the intruder took a grip on the fridge’s door. Fingers curling, sharp and blood stained nails screeching on the metal.

“Oh shit.” she said, quickly turning around towards the door to run. Run as faster as she could. ‘Cause she knew that whatever it was that was inside her apartment wasn’t human. Not anymore.

However, she couldn’t reach the exit, faster that the human eye, the intruder blocking her way before she could even take a single step.

She stumbled backwards, tripping over a carpet and falling to the floor, knife scattering away from her grip and reach. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” she cursed, her heart hammering against her ribs when the creature stepped closer, her trying to get away, talons digging in the rug. Soon enough, she found herself cornered against the kitchen’s little aisle. She screamed when it lounged itself towards her, straddling her lap, face incredibly close to hers. The light from outside doors made it imposible to figure out its face. Her eyes widened when one of its hands rose towards her face, sharp nails inching closer to her skin. She knew she had to move, now.

In a quick movement, she got herself on top of the intruder this time, one of her hands gripping its wrists to keep it from scaping or moving.

All the words died in her throat when her eyes found those which she had stared into with so much love years on end. Those same eyes that stared up at her in complete silence, fear, embarrassment... “y/n?” she inquired, voice just above a whisper, strangled, hurt…

You looked away before she could look too closely, eyes shut and teary, though it didn’t work since her warm touch tried to cup your cheek, your hands quickly darting to push her away “Don’t touch me!” and —faster than she could follow— crashing against the furthest wall. Your voice was hoarse, terrified… Ellie just stared at you, shock crushing her veins as tears down her cheeks.

It was you.

You clothes were a mess, all bloody and torn on the places you’ve been attacked, hair locks sticking together due to the pool of blood your body had rested on your last moments, skin paler than the moon and colder than pure ice and your eyes… Those eyes that she so adored… Were the color of the purest vermillion she had ever seen. But it was you.

She tried and step closer to you, try to ask where had you been. What had happened. But you rose one of your hands to keep her from doing so, stopping her on her tracks. “Don’t.”

“y/n, baby, please…” she tried.

“Please don’t.” you begged her, voice breaking in sobs. “I’m a monster…” you said, hiding your face, your arms surrounding your body, as if you could hide yourself from her eyes.

She should be confused, and she was, but the fact that you were there, alive, that you were there, back at her, the fact that she could see you one more time, hear your voice… Healed her broken heart, made all that sadness inside of her, choking her, disappear.

Her hands reached for her abandoned phone on the aisle, sending a ‘code red’ message to the group she shared with you and her best friends before putting it back down. Emergency. Making counts, they’d be there in less than 20 min with Dina’s car.

You flinched when she took a step closer, hands raising to your ears. “Stop.” you muttered, but she took yet another step. You could hear everything, from the energy buzzing on the refrigerator, to the flapping of bats’ wings outside the window, the walking of little insects on the gravel, the sound of her tears rolling down her cheeks, her shaky breathing, her quickened heartbeat, the rushing of her blood, the pulse on her neck…

You pushed yourself even harder against the wall, as if you could melt with it, scape.

“y/n, please… Look at me…” she pleaded, she was now just inches away from you. “Please baby…, look at me.”

“Stay away!” you screamed, eyes fully open, red showing against the white. It was then when she saw them; the fangs. White, sharp, deadly fangs that shone under the moonlight, threatening, trying to scare her away. You quickly turned your face away, hiding it.

She knew she should be terrified, all those voices in her head screaming ‘run now’, but she only could think about how beautiful you were.

Your hands pushed against her chest when her hand gently cupped your cheek, brushing your cheek bone, her warmth contrasting against the coldness of your skin and making you shiver.

“Don’t look at me, I’m horrible…” you cried, having nowhere to run when she fully cupped your face, making you stare right at her.

“You’re beautiful.” she muttered, shaking her head, her face so close you could count her beautiful and curly eyelashes. “So fucking beautiful…” you watched her lean in, no fear in her eyes as she stared at your chapped lips.

She needed to kiss you. Needed to make sure that this wasn’t just another one of her dreams, that you were there, back into her arms. That you were still hers, just as she was yours.

Sadly, the sound of car tires against the asphalt brought you two back to the present, and then, knocking in the door. Multiple of them. Dina and Jesse.

“Ellie!!!” Dina called out for her, all the sudden noise making you get startled when Jesse started to scream too. If she didn’t open up soon they’d woke up the neighbors.

“Don’t move.” she said, and with a chaste kiss on your forehead she stepped away. You found yourself missing her touch, her warmth, her smell… But also felt relief. Relief that she wasn’t just mere inches away from you. ‘Cause the only thing you could focus on was in the way the blood in her veins called out for you. Lured you in. Your throat itched, something deep within you begging for just a little taste. You didn’t understand what was going on. The heightened senses, the sensibility, the incredible new speed and strength…

The last thing you could remember was pain. So much pain… And blood, of yourself full aware of your imminent death. Next thing you know? You had woken up in the woods near your town, alone. You didn’t know for how long you’d been asleep, but it felt like ages.

Finally, you’ve crawled your way back into town and somehow found Ellie’s apartment. You didn’t know what had happened. Had you died? Why were you alive? The only thing you knew was that there was something wrong with you. It only took you a glance to yourself on one of her windows to see that.

“What is it?!? What’s wrong!?” Dina inquired as she quickly stepped inside the apartment, bat on hand and ready to swing.

“Guys-“

“Where is the motherfucker? I’ll take care of it.” Jesse said, stepping up with a gun in hand.

“There is no intruder.” Ellie tried to calm them down.

And you could see their bodies relaxing a little bit, muscles not as stiff anymore. Relief.

“Then what is it?” Dina asked, but before the auburn head could answer, you had stepped out of the shadows.

“It’s me.” They got startled by the sudden intrusion in their conversation, ready to fight once again, but when the light that seeped in through the open door of her apartment made you visible, their weapons dropped.

“y—y/n?” they were in shock, frozen in space. In time. Were you real or were they all having a collective hallucination?

You looked at them and gave them a weak smile, insecure, afraid. And that was when they realized that you were indeed real. That it was you.

“Oh my god.” Dina sobbed, covering her mouth with her hands.

They were quick to try and approach you, but Ellie was quicker to step in between to stop them as you staggered backwards.

“Woah, easy.” she rose her hands, eyebrows quirked in a warning. You hid behind her, feeling overwhelmed. They stared at her in confusion. “We need to talk.”

-

“…”

“What the hell?!” Jesse inquired, in shock.

“So… You don’t remember anything?” Dina inquired, as shocked as her boyfriend, who faced you as you sat on Ellie’s couch.

“Nothing.” you nodded, eyes squinting at the light above your head. Head throbbing. You could hear it buzzing. “I just… Suddenly there was a lot of pain. And blood everywhere. And then nothing.”

“Shouldn’t we… Get her to a hospital or something?” Jesse spoke up, winning a ‘really?’ gaze from the girls. “Okay! I’m sorry!” he rose his hands. “Not every day someone dies and comes back from the dead, you know?” he mumbles, barely a whisper.

“Maybe…” Dina started, and everyone looked at her with expecting eyes, as if she had finally might found an answer to whatever is going on. “Maybe not.” she backed up and they sighed.

Your eyes quickly darted to the window when you caught the sound of crickets, they were like sirens ringing right beside you. You tugged your legs closer to your chest, teeth bitting down on your nails.

“And now she has this…, super powers.” Jesse squinted, and Ellie nodded. “Like Superman?” he inquired.

“No. Or yes? I don’t know!” your girlfriend sighed, obviously stressed and overwhelmed by the situation. The conversation only heated up even more after that.

“You don’t know?!”

“No.”

“How come you don’t know?!”

But you weren’t truly listening. Too focused on everything you could catch. The sound of all their breathings, the sound of a couple of fighting cats in the distance, the wind whistling thought the trees branches, your own blood painfully pumping through your dried veins…

“Too much.” you mumbled.

“Dude. I’m telling you. I know about music, not supernatural shit.”

“Guys…” Dina tried and stopped them from fighting.

“But you found her!” Jesse ignored her.

The intensity of the light below you, the feeling of your skin glued to your muscles, the tickling of your hair…

“Too much.” you repeated, teeth breaking the skin of your fingers.

“She was the one that found me!!”

“Jesse, stop.” Dina said, and then everyone was talking over everybody.

You could see the pulse on their neck, their veins pressing against their skin. So vulnerable… So easy… You could almost taste it on your tongue. It’s sweetness, it’s thick and warm consistence sliding down your throat.

“Stop!!!!” your scream almost ripped your throat, so loud you swore you had woken up the whole neighborhood.

They all backed up a little when your red eyes met theirs and your fangs showed up. Dina and Jesse couldn’t help the way their hands twitched with the need to raise their weapons.

You covered your ears when the sound of their quickened hearts pushing against their ribcages got louder, groaning.

“Fuck.” you whimpered, hiding your face. “I’m sorry.” you cried out, voice strained. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to…” and just as Ellie was about to step closer you stoped her. “No. Please don’t.” you curled on yourself, pressing your hands against your face, sobbing. “I’m so hungry.” you cried, suddenly, and if you weren’t that serious about it, you would have laughed about the stupidness of your words. But you felt like dying.

Every goddamn cell on your body burned, begged… Something deep inside you aching to bite, tear… Teeth hurting, fangs growing. You stood up, and in a blink of an eye you were back on her fridge. They seemed surprised, cause you were quicker that the light itself.

Glass broke under your shoes as you searched inside for something that you could eat. Anything. That’s when you smelled it. That sweet metallic smell. Your shaky hands threw everything aside, mouth watering at the sight of a full raw and big steak. Meat. Fresh and bloody cow steak.

Stumbling against the kitchen aisle, you tore down the plastic that enveloped it, nails digging on the softness of it. You couldn’t even think. Hand quick to tear the meat to pieces and push it inside your mouth. You looked like a predator, blood dripping down your lips and chin, down to your chest and onto your torn tee. You hummed, eyes bloodshot and bluish veins growing under your eyes as you fed on it. You sighed, throwing your head backwards, feeling relief yet still not getting rid of that aching deep inside your bones.

When your eyes met your friends’, they were wide open, speechless. They were frozen in place, feet glued to the floor as they watched droplets of blood soak the aisle.

It was then, when you realized what you had done.

And the only thing that you could mutter was a “What’s happening to me?”

-

You were completely silent, sat inside a bathtub full of warm water, Ellie gently washing your hair for you, her own on a low bun as she concentrated on taking every last bit of blood and dirt out of your locks and body.

It was around 4AM. Dina and Jesse had gone home, promising to come back in a few hours after getting some sleep to start thinking about an explanation and a plan to explain your survival and new life style.

“I can…” you tried to say, but she hushed you, gently washing off the shampoo on your hair and the blood on it. You felt relaxed. You should be feeling overwhelmed, since you could smell Ellie everywhere, but just by having her by your side you felt… Safe. Better. Although scared… Better.

“Let me.” she soothed you, giving you a soft smile. You shivered when her fingertips brushed your hair away, head lolling to the side and onto your shoulder. Your skin burned where her warm touch resided. “You alright?” she asked, pouring more water onto your back to wash away the soap from your body.

You hummed, silently allowing her to take care of you through the whole process of washing you clean and rolling you up on a towel to keep you warm as she drained all the dirty water before drying you up.

Her eyes never left your face as she did so, even though you were completely naked in front of her, she only focused on you, on dressing you up on the comfiest clothes she could find on her closet and combing your hair. You swore you had fallen in love yet once again.

You caught her attention when your hands gripped softly her shoulders, her eyes leaving your hair to find yours. “What is it, baby?” she inquired, and you felt tears pooling on your eyes, ‘cause she treated you like always, like she did before you died, before you turned into this… Monster.

You didn’t say anything, you didn’t have to, it was all in your eyes. You felt like melting against her when she got rid of the comb on her hand to hug you closer to her by your waist. You gasped, cause just the simple feeling of her hands was so intense… Her breath against your lips, her hands, her body pressed tightly against you… That you had to pull away before she could kiss you.

“Sorry.” you muttered against her chest, fisting the fabric of her soft tee. She only smiled, shaking her head.

“Let’s go to bed, hm? You need to sleep.” she pressed a little kiss on your forehead before taking your hand and guiding you towards your room.

She tucked you in but didn’t get inside the bed. “You aren’t staying?” you rose to your elbows as she walked to the door.

“I thought…” her mouth opened and closed before continuing, unsure. “I thought about leaving you the bed for tonight so you can-“

“I don’t wanna be alone.” you cut her off, surprising her. “I…“ and before you could continue, she was already by your side. Holding you close. Holding you as if she’d fall apart if she let you go. As of you’d disappear if she let go of you.

You shook in her arms and she was about to pull away, but you hugged her back, trying to not let the overwhelming feeling of her being so close to you prevent you from finally being back into her arms.

“Is this okay?” she muttered softly on your ear, hearing your shaky breathing. You were burning, her warm body tightly pressed against your freezing one, skin tingling where her fingers rested.

You didn’t know how much time you stayed like that. Minutes turned into hours, and soon enough, she had fallen asleep. She was finally sleeping, for the first time in days. And you? You couldn’t even close your eyes.

Whatever you did, all you could see, smell and feel was Ellie. She was making your senses collapse, getting you high as if she were some kind of drug you craved with every fiber of your being.

You could hear her steady and slow heartbeat, feel her soft breathing against your neck, making your skin grow in goosebumps. Your lips mere inches from hers. Against the pulsing vein that called your name with every thump of her heart. Suddenly, that aching deep within you that had subsided after your ‘meal’, came back, making your throat grow dry and mouth water. You only needed to lean just a little bit closer, erase the few inches that separated your lips from her neck and…

In a quick movement you were out of the bed and far away from her, hands covering your mouth as you felt that incredible hunger threatening you to break your bones.

You grunted as you staggered away from the room and outside the apartment, the freezing air of the night hitting your already dead cold skin, yet you couldn’t feel it.

“What’s wrong with me?” you muttered in between sobs. “Why… Why me?” you broke down, unable to stop your crying.

This wasn’t supposed to go this way. You were supposed to rest knowing that you had loved, loved so hard you couldn’t breathe. That you died knowing what true love was. You weren’t supposed to come back, you weren’t supposed to be turned into this… Thing. This monster that scared your friends, a monster that can only think about her girlfriend’s blood on its lips.

Your eyes squinted when a sudden beam of sunlight hit your face. Sunrise. It hurt your eyes, really badly, so you forcefully had to wipe your tears and get back inside, where Ellie was already waiting for you, fully awake. You almost cursed.

“Hey…” she whispered, getting closer to you. “Where did you go? I woke up and you weren’t there anymore.” she was soft, concerned. And it only made you feel worse. Sicker.

“I just went outside for a little. Needed some air.” you gave her a weak smile, eyes resting on the hand that stroke your arm, on the veins on her wrists.

You suddenly felt dizzy. So dizzy you almost fell if it weren’t for the auburn haired, who caught you on time.

“Woah woah, you okay baby?” she inquired, and you nodded.

“Yeah, sorry.” you lied. “I just felt dizzy all of a sudden.”

“Here, sit down.” she helped you get to the couch, never letting go of you. “Jesse and Dina will be here soon, I just got a call from them.” she said, pulling a blanket on top of you. “We’ll make you feel better soon, alright? I promise. We’ll fix this.” she kissed your forehead, the feeling of her lips lingering on your skin, burning. You almost begged for more.

But you knew you couldn’t have more, ‘cause it would never be enough.

You knew you couldn’t have enough. You couldn’t ‘cause you knew it’d consume you.

“We’ve got it! We’ve got it!” you whined when Jesse came rushing inside through the apartments door with a loud bang. “Sorry.” he awkwardly apologized when he saw you holding your head in between your hands.

“What is it that you’ve got?” Ellie asked, munching on cereals. Their crunching only made your headache worse. Whatever you did, it only seemed to get worse by the second. It wouldn’t got away. Like your growing hunger.

“We know what’s wrong with her.” Dina explained.

That made Ellie push everything aside to pay attention and concentrate on what mattered the most: You.

“You know?” you too focused on the group, hope in your red eyes.

“She’s a vampire!” Jesse exclaimed.

“Vampire?” you scoffed. “So you’re saying that I’m a vampire?” you let out a laughter, awaiting for all of them to tag along, but when they didn’t, you slowly fell silent, frowning as you noticed. “I’m a vampire.”

“You’re a vampire.” they all nodded, and you fell backwards onto the couch, a sigh leaving your lips, your mind a mess.

That explains everything.

“And what does this mean? Will I get to live forever? Am I allergic to garlic and holy water now? Will I die if I stay underneath the sun for too long?” you inquired, swallowing harshly. “Will I… Will I need to drink blood for the rest of my life?”

They were all silent for a second.

“Do you feel the need to drink it now?” Dina inquired, taking a seat beside you.

They all awaited expectantly for your answer, which only made you nervously smile. “I guess this isn’t the best moment to say how good all of you smell, right?” you joked, although it didn’t really seem to get them. “Yeah, sorry.” you muttered, curling yourself in the blanket.

“So…, what do we do now? ‘Cause she surely doesn’t look really good and It’s not like we can get blood anywhere, right?” Jesse inquired, and once again there were a couple of seconds of silence.

“She could drink from me.” Ellie suddenly said, and the whole group looked at her with a surprised face and widened eyes, even you.

“No.” you quickly blurted out before any of them could add anything.

“But y/n…” Dina tried and talk you down, but you were quick to turn her down.

“No.” you repeated, harshly this time. “I’m not gonna drink from Ellie nor any of you.” your fangs showed as you stood up, tossing away the blanket and stepping away and towards Ellie’s room. “I’d rather die of thirst first.” and with that, you closed the door.

-

“y/n, baby, please…” she pleaded. You had heard her talking with the group just a few minutes earlier, they had been coming every morning to ask for and about you. Each day that went by more and more concerned.

It had been almost a week since your last encounter and since you had grounded yourself in her room under the promise that you’d rather die than drink from them. They had even snuck into the hospital and somehow stolen a blood bag and brought it to you, but you yet turned it down, unable to —even though your hunger was tearing you apart—, drink it up. ‘Cause you knew that if you did, whatever that this curse was would be real. You’ve done your research, —well, the group had and you’ve heard— and you knew that you only had a few days to drink human blood to complete the transition and become a full vampire or else you’d die.

You hadn’t left her room since then, —unless you had to make a short trip to the bathroom—, burying yourself in between her sheets, ignoring her every time she tried to make you change your mind.

You were dead. And you’d be in just a couple of days. That’s how it had to be. The natural course of things. Ellie didn’t deserve to be stuck with a leech for the rest of her life —‘cause you knew that she loved you enough to do so if you didn’t walk away—, she deserved someone who was still alive, someone warm, someone who didn’t need to consume human blood to survive and that will live forever. Someone who she could take out without having to hide or be scared to be discovered due to a slip.

She deserved the best she could get. And that wasn’t you. That would never be you anymore.

So you’d wither. You’d sleep. And when the time came, you’d turn back to the dust that you came from.

“Please, look at me.” your heart broke every time she would face you, kneeled on the floor, on her knees and begging for you to just stare at her. But you couldn’t, ‘cause you knew that if you did, if you looked into those beautiful green eyes of hers, you’d give in. You’d listen. You’d let her convince you to drink her blood and live.

And you couldn’t do that to her.

“Baby…” he was desperate. Tears prickling her eyes as she caressed your hair, your hollowed cheeks and prominent cheekbones, warm fingertips against your cold stone skin, which slowly turned into ice. You looked like a living corpse, with thinning hair and the palest skin, which started to show your bones due to starvation.

You could smell the blood on her veins, your stomach turning on itself, urging you to bite down on her wrist and suck. You squeezed your eyes shut as your tongue dampened your chapped grayish lips, fighting off the urge to feed on her, to sink your teeth on her neck, but she saw it, how those little veins below your eyed appeared and your fangs pushed against your bottom lip. She felt like dying along with you with every day that passed by.

“Please, don’t do this to me…” she muttered, unable to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. “Don’t let me lose you again.” she pleaded.

And you couldn’t help to look at her when your ears took in the sound of the droplets falling onto the floor.

And just like every time she looked at you, she took your breath away. You hated it, hated the way she would make you weak on the knees even on this situation, make you want to make up your mind, convince yourself that everything would be fine and that it was right to live beside her.

“Don’t leave me.” she sobbed, making you feel like you’d fall apart right and there. “I need you. I can’t sleep if you are not there for me to hold. I can’t breath of you’re not around. I can’t think, I can’t function if you’re not there.” your cold hand cupped her cheek, making her take a shaky and hurtful breath as you tried and wipe away her tears. “I can’t live without you.”

“You can’t live with me now either.” you whispered, your voice breaking due to the amount of days you’ve stood silent and the dryness of your throat. She shook her head, trying to talk, but you went ahead and cut her off. “I can’t be with you. Not like this. I’m dead Ellie… I’m a monster. I’ll never age with you. If we ever wanted to, we wouldn’t be able to have kids… I’d watch you get older, and die. And I’d still be here, for eternity. An eternity without you. Without the love of my life…” you muttered, unable to hold in your tears any longer. “You need someone that can give you all those thing, Ellie. You deserve it…”

She was shaking her head, needing to tell you that none of that was real. That she loved you the same. That you weren’t a monster. That you both could adopt if you ever wanted a kid. That she’d never be able to find another love. ‘Cause you were it for her.

And she did, she said it all out loud without even realizing it. Pouring her heart out for you to see, For you to take. For you to hold on to.

“I love you. I’ll always love you. I’ll die for you. I’ll find a way to live with you forever. ‘Cause that’s all I ever wanted, an eternity by your side. An eternity that was taken away from me one time. And that now I’d not let get away again. So please… Love me. Choose me. Choose me over all the odds. And if you need to, kill me. ‘Cause either ways, I’d be dead without you.” she said, taking your hand and pushing it against her chest, over her heart. It sounded almost strained, ready to burst, to break in a million places.

You couldn’t. You couldn’t say no. Not when you loved her so much it hurt.

She was quick to held you in between her arms when you gave in, hands gently pulling from you to straddle her lap, chest against chest, tightly pressed against one another. “I’m yours. My blood is yours.” she said, one of her hands softly brushing your hair and guiding you to the crook of her neck, where her pulse pressed against her soft skin. “You can bite me, sweetheart. I’m all yours.” she promised, assuring you that it was okay. That she was okay.

You felt the hunger kick in like a tidal wave, making your skin crawl and your breath shake. You could smell it, almost taste it. Eyes turning red as you neared your lips to her neck, the hand on your hair never faltering, steady, ready. She shivered when your lips brushed against her skin, her head tilting even more to the side to give you all the space you needed.

And before you could realize it, blood was spilling inside your mouth. Warm sweet blood that made you grip her bare shoulders and hum as you sucked. Her fingers dug on your hips, gasping when she felt the pinch of your fangs and droplets of blood slid down her neck and onto her shirt.

“That’s it, baby.” she said, pulling you closer and relaxing against the bed’s headboard. “Take as much as you need.” she muttered, sighing at the new and strangely pleasant feeling of the bite.

She had made herself aware about the fact that it would probably hurt. In the end, her neck was being punctured. But strangely enough, it felt…, nice. Incredible even.

Her head felt all fuzzy. She felt…, high. At least there was no other way to describe it. It was probably an effect of the bite, an aphrodisiac, to soothe the ‘prey’ so they won’t fight as you drank from them.

She felt amazing. And so did you.

Her blood was the best thing you’ve ever tasted. You couldn’t get enough. It made the ache on your body go away, your headache, your dizziness, your weakness… Everything. And left you feeling hungry for more. More of her. Of her touch, of her quickened heartbeat.

Everything seemed too much. But even if it was, you craved more.

“Shit.” Ellie cursed when you grinded yourself down on her lap, making the grip that she had on your hips tighten.

You got away from her neck, blood dripping from the corners of your lips as you stared at her, tongue darting out to clean your bottom lip from the crimson. “Ellie…” you whimpered, smelling the arousal grow underneath her sweatpants. You were burning up.

“Fuck, doll.” her eyes were half-lidded, breath heavy and shaky and lips blushed due to her bitting down on her bottom. “What d’ you do to me?”

“I don’t know…” you whined, unable to stop your hips to rocking against hers, the brushing and jumping against your clit intensified, making your mind all fuzzy. It felt so good…

You looked so hot, with your red eyes and blood tinting your lips. You didn’t looked sick anymore, your hair shining and color blushing your cheeks. You looked as beautiful as the day she lost you. Even more, if that could be possible.

And she needed you so much you were driving her insane.

“You taste so good…” you groaned, going back to her neck, licking up the blood and kissing bruises on her skin, making her tilt her head backwards in a moan when you went back to drinking from her.

“You’re killing me.” she withered underneath you, her hands helping you to rock against her, feeling like if you stopped whatever you were doing she’d die, needing you to keep touching her, licking her neck, using her… She needed you to suck her dry.

“Fuck Ellie, I need you.” the two of you felt so turned on… Probably due to the blood, bite and the connection you already shared. It was as if you were two magnets, two puzzle pieces meant to fit together, meant to be stuck together for eternity.

You needed her to take you, to make you hers, to fuck you ‘till you’d lost your voice. Needed to taste her, to ride her. You wanted everything at the same time. Whimpers leaving your throat at the aching in between your legs, in your bones for her to touch you, to set you on fire with her burning touch.

Your skin grew in goosebumps when she harshly crashed her lips onto yours, the taste of her blood on your lips making her groan, hips jerking up as her hands slid underneath —her— your shirt, warm fingertips against your cold skin, exploring the body she so well knew already.

The kiss was messy, the clashing of your tongues and teeth making it feel primal, as if the only thing there were was the two of you, your sharp nails dug on the neck of her shirt, ripping it apart in a quick movement, teeth biting down on your bottom lip when your blood-shot eyes roamed through her bare chest, which raised with every quick and shaky breath. Her skin was like fire against your cold fingertips.

You shivered when her thumb pulled from your lip, letting it go from your fangs, eyes fixated on your mouth as her tongue dampened her own, begging for another taste. She moaned when your lips brushed her wrist, your hand keeping it in place as you leaned in and bit down on it.

“Shit.” she gasped, her pussy throbbing inside her pants when you moaned against her, ready to bust, arousal soaking her underwear. She swore she could just cum by the feeling of your teeth on her skin. She was on edge.

She looked so beautiful, with blood sliding and pooling on her collarbones and her tits, crimson swollen lips and green blown eyes shining under the moonlight that came through the window of your bedroom.

“You like that?” you teased her, licking the blood off her wrist with a smirk. You could feel just how wet she was, smell her arousal. It made you so wet. Wetter than you had ever been. And you craved her so much you felt like dying.

She groaned, as if she were in pain. “Don’t.”

Her head lolled backwards, your lips leaving blood stain marks on her chest and down her stomach as you lowered yourself and slid down her body, your fangs gracing her skin in playful yet teasing marks that weren’t hard enough to break the skin.

Her fingers laced on your hair when your lips latched to her hip bone, sucking a bruise on her skin, making her moan and buck her hips against your mouth when your tongue traced the print of her wetness from beneath her clothes. “Fuck, baby…”

You hummed, knowing exactly what she needed. What you needed. “Want your pussy, Ellie.” your hands were quick to push down her sweats and underwear, her soaked cunt showing, puffy clit and twitching entrance begging for attention.

Your mouth watered at the sight. The smell of her musk so strong it was driving you crazy. You needed her on your tongue. Needed her to fill your mouth in cum, fuck you stupid…

She let out a raspy moan when your tongue sticked out, tasting and wiping off the slick from her weeping folds, your heightened senses making you hum at the taste. You felt like you couldn’t get enough of it.

Her fingers tugged harder on your hair when your tongue kitten licked her swollen clit, making her tremble, the aphrodisiac effect of the bite making her the most sensitive she had ever been before. You kissed her lips, teeth gently brushing against the sensitive skin, making her moan.

You smirked, eyes meeting hers when you tongue made a long stripe from her clenching hole to her clit, fangs on display and blood on your lips. Her cunt now stained on her blood, what made her twitch. “Such a fucking tease…” she groaned, breath hitching when you suddenly sucked her clit in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks. “Fuck!” she almost came on the spot, your own moans vibrating around her, making her head roll backwards.

She looked so hot, your thighs clenched and pushed against each other, trying to find some friction, anything. The needy moans and whimpers that left your throat made the feeling of your mouth, warm against her, heavenly.

“So good…” she praised when you started to earnestly eat her out, your head moving up and down and side to side as you licked her, her hand guiding you, your nose burying in her pubic hair, making your head all fuzzy. You loved giving Ellie head, feeling her slick fill your mouth, loved it when she fucked your face with the purpose to please herself. You loved to be her little toy. “Yeah, just like that, fuck.” it all felt so intense for the both of you, like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. “Such a good little girl, letting me fuck your mouth how I want.” your nails dug in her thighs, making her groan. “I’m gonna cum, shit.” she mumbled, her mouth falling open as you sucked harder on her clit, the oversensivity being too much and pushing her straight to the edge. “Fuckfuckfuck!!!” hot stripes of cum filled your mouth as she thrusted against it one more time, keeping you still as she came, groaning in pleasure. And if she weren’t that turned on and needy, she would have been embarrassed by how hard and fast she had cummed, but that didn’t matter, ‘cause you were back on her lap in a blink of an eye.

She was still dripping and throbbing after her first orgasm, and the feeling of your damped panties —since you had gotten rid of the pajama pants she had lent you— against her stomach made her groan. “Ellie…” you whined, feeling yourself about to burst when you rocked your hips against her, your skin burning whenever your bodies made contact. “Touch me please…” you begged, moaning when one of her hands pushed your tee above your head to latch her lips to your chest and tits as the other sneaked inside your panties. “Fuck!” you screamed when you felt her fingertips slowly slide in between your lips, getting soaked by your arousal.

“Too much, baby?” she mocked you, teasing you just like you had, her teeth biting on your nipples as her middle finger played with your clit. “You’re so wet. Did drinking my blood turned you on this much? Or maybe it was having my pussy on your mouth? Did you miss my cum, hm?” you nodded, whimpering as you rocked your hips against her fingers, which now circled your twitching tight hole. “Of course you did.” she cooed, pouting at you and then smirking when your mouth fell open in a silent moan at the feeling of two of her fingers easily sliding in into your soaked cunt. “Look at you, taking my fingers so good…” you were moaning as she thrusted into you, slowly, driving you insane. “I bet I can make you cum with just two of ‘em.” she mumbled against your ear before nipping at your earlobe, picking up her pace. “Do you want it? Want to cum all over my fingers, hm?” you hummed, tilting your head to the side when she started to suck on your neck, the feeling of her lips burning your skin. “Mmh? What was that? Need you to speak louder for me, baby.” a moan left your lips when she curved her fingers, hitting that sweet spot on your gummy walls, the squelch of your juices only making her cunt wetter and your mind dizzier.

“Yes, yes, please Ellie.” you sobbed, hands gripping her shoulders, nails digging on her skin when her free hand surrounded your neck, adding pressure. “Need it. Need it so bad…” you were a mumbling mess, her thumb now pressing against your clit, the coil in your stomach only getting stronger. You felt like you couldn’t breath.

“Good girl.” her fingers now fucking you just like you needed it, faster, deeper, harder, your g spot being hit with every new thrust, what had your legs shaking and moans and whimpers spilling from your swollen lips. Your walls tightened around her digits at her praise, teetering the edge, jumping on her fingers to make them reach deeper inside you, driving you insane. “You gonna cum, baby?” she hummed, loving how desperate you seemed. How wet you were for her, how beautiful your tits bounced with every grind of your hips, how your half-lidded eyes looked at her, full of desire. “Go ahead beautiful, come for me. Cum on my fingers.”

She didn’t have to ask twice, just the sound of her voice making you come the hardest you’ve ever had before. Vision turning white and ears ringing as you gushed all over her fingers, her thumb circling your clit to help you extend and help you ride it out. “That’s it. Give it to me, sweetheart.” you gasped for air as you came down, entrance twitching when her cum covered fingers left you “Look at that…” and found their way to her mouth, licking them clean and tasting you with a hum. “You’re always so sweet for me.” you moaned, making her eyebrows raise. “What is it, baby? Want a taste?” she inquired, and you were quick to pull her in for a wet and needy kiss.

She could taste herself in your mouth and yourself in hers. The mix of both of you making you crave for more, tugging from her as you let yourself fell backwards, making her rest in between your legs, pussy pressed against your sensitive and recently fucked cunt, what made the two of you moan on each other’s mouth. “Shit.” she cursed when you harshly bit down on her lip, her blood mixing in the kiss as you sucked on it, her hips rocking against yours, pussy sliding up and down in between your puffy and soaked folds. “Fuck, doll.” she muttered when your lips latched onto the skin of her neck, humping yourself against her, moaning when your clits bumped against the other.

“Fuck Ellie, fuck me, please… I need you so bad…” you pleaded, sloppy open mouth kisses driving her insane, one of your hands sliding into her hair to tug.

“Fuck, you’re such a greedy slut… I gave you my fingers and yet here you are, begging for my pussy.” she muttered, the hand on your neck tightening as she pushed you against the sheets, pining you down and lifting one of your legs to straddle you. “Look at you, so desperate. Can’t get enough, huh? It’s almost embarrassing.” you whimpered, you could perfectly push her away with your new incredible strength but there was something in her dominance that made you even wetter.

The prey hunting the predator.

“If you want it so bad, why don’t you show me?“ you moaned when her lips sucked a new bruise on your chest, one of her hands reaching down to your clit. “Show me how much you want it. Fuck yourself on my pussy sweetheart.” she nipped on your neck, and in a quick movement you were on top of her, having changed positions in a blink of an eye. Her head fell backwards when you exasperatedly straddled her, lined her up with your soaking cunt and sat down on hers, whimpering at the feeling of her wetness. “Shit, baby.” she let out a breathy groan as your nails dug on her chest.

“E-Ellie...” you shakily breathed out, your whole body shivering at the feeling as you rolled your hips. You felt so… Alive.

“Fuck, that’s it, sweetheart. Fuck my pussy.” she grunted, the feeling of your soaked cunt against hers making it hard to hold off. She groaned when you sped up, desperately bouncing on her clit, using her to get yourself off. “So pretty jumping on my clit. How ’s it feel, hm?” she smirked when, when you felt her fingers brush away a lock of your hair from your face, you whimpered, eyes on her bloody wrist.

“So good…” you moaned, the smell of her blood making your hips stagger, the need to taste her once more making your skin grow in goosebumps.

“You hungry, baby?” she teased you, whispering, purposely letting the bite mark on her neck show, lingering right in front of your face.

You whimpered when just as you leaned in, fangs painful pushing against your gums ready to bite down on her neck, her hand gripped your neck once again, pushing you onto your back and taking one of your legs to fuck your cunt in earnest.

She was edging you. Starving you from her sweet blood.

“Ellie!” you screamed when when she harshly thrusted against your slick folds, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. You always had a hard time taking it like this, at his relentless and merciless pace, the feeling of her clit pushing hardly against yours. But yet, you found pleasure in the pain, in the primal of it all. The neediness in her eyes, the grunts that fell from her lips.

“Yeah, just like that. Fucking take it.” she moaned, her thrusts being so hard the headboard of the bed banged against the wall, probably leaving dents. “Shit, so good.” she slurred, relishing on the babbling mess that you were underneath him. “You like that? Like my pussy, sweetheart?“ she smirked, pushing two of her fingers inside your mouth, making you choke on them, drool spilling down your chin before she’d duck down to kiss you, licking it from your lips.

The sight of your naked body underneath her, the way your tits bounced, the mess of your hair, the tears that started to pool on your eyes… It all only made her pound against you harder, feeling like it could never be enough of the feeling of your cunt against hers, making her grunt.

“Ellie, shit, har—ah—harder!” you begged, your sharp and pointy nails drawing blood from her arms and hips, making her moan.

“Harder?” he inquired, making you shakily nod, lost in your own pleasure. “Like this?” she relished on your high pitched scream when both his hands reached down to grip your hips to start pulling you harder against her clit with every new pound, making your back arch against the mattress with every thrust, your sensitive and throbbing clit being abused over and over again due to the new angle. Your moans only got louder, your voice strained and words being all slurred.

Your voice broke, feeling yourself getting closer to coming for the second time in less than 15 minutes, head lolling to the side. “I’m gon—na, gonna cum!” you somehow managed to babble out, in need of reaching your high.

“You gonna cum?” she smirked, making you moan as she focused on pounding you just how she knew you loved the most. “Gonna cum on my pussy?” you hardly nodded, muttering a string of messy ‘yes’s. “Look at you, so pussy drunk you can’t even talk.” she chuckled, feeling your walls tighten. “Go ahead baby, cum all over my pussy. Want to see that beautiful face of yours fall apart.” one, two, three thrusts more and you were dissolving under her touch, moans slipping from your lips as well as her name as you gushed all over her cunt, your orgasm tearing you apart. “Fuck, that’s it. Shit. ” she muttered, flopping on top of you to continue her relentless thrusts, making you sob due to the overstimulation. “I’m gonna cum. Gonna fill this greedy pussy of yours so full your tummy will swell up.” you cried out at her words, pulling her closer. “Fuck, bite me…” she begged, precum leaking more and more as he neared the edge. “Bite me, baby, please…” she didn’t have to plead for it, your lips quickly latching to her neck before your teeth sunk into her flesh, fresh blood filling your mouth, what worked the two of you closer to your respective highs. “Shit, I’m cumming!” and with that she came on your cunt, painting your clit and slick folds of the purest white, the feeling making you reach your third orgasm in a row, making your thighs shake and your stomach turn. You whimpered on her neck, her blood spilling and painting your chest and tits.

She continued to thrust against you to help the two of you ride your orgasms as she leaned down and latched to your chest, tongue darting out to lick her own blood out of you skin, what made you cry out.

As you came down from your respective highs, the two of you stayed like that for a couple of minutes, trying to calm yourselves down from the mind-blowing and best sex you had ever have in your lives. You shivered when she pulled away, your combined warm loads dribbling from your folds and onto the mattress, her blown out eyes taking the sight of your shaky legs and twitching entrance with a starving gaze. “Shit baby, you did so good for me.” she muttered, biting down on her bottom lip.“Fuck, look at that…” she sighed and a whine left your lips when two of her fingers pushed it all inside, slowly pumping her cum in and out of you with a squelch.

“Ellie!” you tried and push her away, your hands grabbing at her wrists. But soon enough you were a moaning mess, rocking your hips against her fingers, giving in, the overstimulation moving from pain to pleasure. She only smirked, lowering herself ‘till her lips were only inches away from your neck, making you shiver, the contact making your skin grow in goosebumps.

She chuckled at your reaction, her blood staining her white teeth and lips in a malicious smile.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart… I don’t bite.”

-

@fleshunger 💋🧛‍♀️

[jude-duarte-wannabe]

boyfriend material

so to keep my formula one girlies satisfied and fueled, i put this together until i can get my non formula one requests finished, i was hoping to have them done by now but i keep getting called into work, i'm sorry my lovely's <3 i'm also working on another one of these for sir lewis hamilton titled husband material, it is based on my other smau series billion dollar baby.

pairing; charles leclerc x marceline bennett [original character]

blurb; this is a list of cute things boyfriend charles leclerc and his girlfriend marceline bennett do in my smau series that i'm working on called the broadway bug, this story features a original character but for your reading pleasure, i've used 'you' and 'y/n' in this little snippet <3

currently playing; monaco by mkto "i'll go wherever you go, chase you through the streets of monaco, i'll run wherever you are"

when it comes to your jobs;

you are a broadway actress and charles often finds himself just watching you hum the lyrics to a song you have to sing in a show or tap a beat on your thigh as you walk through the paddock together.

speaking of broadway, charles makes sure to go to every single show that he can, just like you try to make it to every single race that you can.

when at charles's races, you stay in the ferrari garage, your often caught on camera jumping up and down excitedly and screaming "that's my boy!" or "go baby!"

when charles got p1 in monaco and monza, you completely ignored the barriers and ran for him as soon as he was out of the car, he'd luckily gotten his helmet and balaclava off in time to catch you, pick you up and kiss you right there on the track.

charles gave you a necklace with his race number on it saying "i'm giving you my number until i can give you my last name".

charles didn't release his music too often but when he did you always made sure to listen to it on repeat.

you could spend hours just sitting and listening to charles play the piano, it was your safe place, just you and charles together in your own little world.

charles loved catching you humming a tune he'd played on the piano earlier in the day while you were brushing your teeth or making coffee, he loved the simple things you did.

no matter where you are in the world, you always make sure to support charles.

and one time when you were in rehearsals for a show and charles was off racing somewhere in the world, there was a moment with one of your co-stars that led to you posting a video on your instagram story that would soon go viral - it went something like this

"hey my little broadway bugs" you couldn't keep a straight face while talking to the camera "so i'm currently in rehearsals right now" you flipped the camera to show the theater stage and most of your co-stars just chilling before flipping it back to face you "but this one right here" one of your co-stars pops into the frame "this one just came sprinting across the stage screaming 'y/n! y/n!' and keep in mind i thought she was dying" you hold up a magazine for the camera to see "but she just wanted to show me this and god do i love her for it" you giggled.

just cute couple stuff;

when you two first started dating you loved to listen to charles talk, he could talk about anything and you'd listen, he eventually noticed and teased you by saying "the accent got to you, didn't it".

charles mum; pascale basically insisted that you call her maman when she saw how happy you made her boy.

when your out to dinner or at an event together, your feet eventually get sore from standing around in heels all night and so you eventually go barefoot and charles just wanders around carrying you heels.

you and charles call each other all kinds of nicknames with his favorites for you being; ma cherie [my darling], mon ange [my angel], mon coeur [my heart], ma meilleure moitie [my better half] and of course mon amor [my love].

your favorite nicknames for him are; mon joli garcon [my pretty boy] and mon nounours [my teddy bear].

in fact the very first time you ever called him mon joli garcon, he looked at you surprised and muttered "did you just call me pretty boy" and you merely corrected him before going about your day "correction.. your MY pretty boy".

charles also calls you baby but only ever when he's sleepy and you try to get out of bed early, he just reaches out to wrap his arm around you and pull you closer muttering "baby.. no.. you stay put" in his sleepy voice that drives you insane cause it's so cute and raspy.

and you guys are the kind of couple that after being intimate you pillow talk in french with charles mumbling "si jolie comme ça" [so pretty like this] as he tucks a strand of your messy hair behind your ear as you giggle against his chest.

charles calls you the best thing that's ever happened to him.

and this man blushes and has the biggest goofy smile on his face whenever someone says your name or an interviewer asks about you.

charles takes photo's galore of you and even some of the two of you together and shamelessly posts them on his instagram / instagram stories - like this.

you are the kind of girl that could eat pasta for every meal for the rest of your life, you love pasta so much that you and charles now have a saying where you say "your the pesto to my pasta" or he'll say "your the pasta to my pesto".

charles tried introducing you to new foods including foods from both french and monegasque cuisine like stuffed peppers which you were a fan of but when he tried to fed you escargot you freaked out, which led to arthur now having a video of you running away from charles who held a snail on the end of his fork while yelling "never! keep that nasty ass snail away from me!"

charles is also the kind of boyfriend that would memorize your coffee order.

he sends you this text or something similar to it whenever your in the same place as one another.

charles doesn't hide how badly he needs you, he'll just straight up tell you, he doesn't care if anyone sees the texts he sends you while he's horny, your texts to each other basically look like this all the time.

cute couple stuff involving your pets;

leo loves you more than he loves charles but he doesn't complain because coming home to see you snuggled up in his bed with leo curled up against your side just makes him melt.

your cat however absolutely hates charles with a passion and charles tries so hard to get your cat to like him but it never happens, all of your photo's with your cat; clementine look like this

all the photos you have of charles with clementine picture her practically begging you with her eyes to get him the hell away from her.

two of the most iconic moments of the charles and clementine feud was when they first met.

it was charles first time in your apartment and while he knew you had a cat, she was no where to be seen at the moment, you and charles were standing in your kitchen leaning against the marble island, hands linked and resting on the bench as you talked, charles had leaned in to kiss you which you gladly excepted, lips locking with his in a soft kiss.. you loved kissing him and he loved kissing you even more but unfortunately he had to pull away with a hiss, seeing your cat on the counter having appeared out of thin air "she just bit me" he complained and while you kissed his hand better she simply hissed at him before running off.

and the other was when in the you two were in the heat of the moment, clementine just had to cock block him.

the temperature in your room was hot with your body pressed against charles's with your lips locked in a sloppy kiss, your kisses began moving down his neck, you loved to hear the whimpers that escaped him whenever you kissed at the soft spot behind his ear but that didn't happen instead you heard him mumble "i can't do this.. not with her watching" you didn't understand what he was talking about until you followed his gaze and what you saw had you laughing until there were tears in your eyes and you held your sides in pain "ouchy.. stitch" you complained to which charles simply responded "serves you right" the memory of clementines face and the side eye she gave charles still makes you laugh today.

cuddles, kisses and hand holding;

charles's love language is 100% physical touch at least i think so, this boy loves cuddles and there is only really one form of cuddle this boy will ever settle for and it's the one where he can lay in your arms, head pressed to your chest listening to your heartbeat as you run your fingers through his hair.

cuddles like those are his favorite especially when he's had a long day racing or has been away from you for weeks.

he's also notorious for falling asleep in your arms when you cuddle like this.

but he's also one for simplistic intimacy like when your together in the paddock, in line at the supermarket or just stationary while talking to friends, his arms are wrapped around your waist and his head is tucked into your neck.

and when it comes to falling asleep or even just napping, he is the little spoon mostly cause he just likes having you hold him and partly because he just feels safe whenever you fall asleep together like this.

and don't even get me started on the kisses that this man would give you; forehead, cheek, neck, belly, thighs or lips, if you name it he'll kiss it, charles loves kissing you and you love kissing him.

there was moment when you were doing an interview for with the cast of hamilton over zoom and this boy while you were in the middle of answering a question found that he couldn't stop staring at your lips so he just walked up to you, grabbed your face in his hand and kissed you, it lasted about 10 seconds before he pulled back and walked off, leaving you dumbstruck and just staring at your laptop screen unsure of what to say.

there was another moment when you said goodbye to him about ten minutes before a race and gave him his good luck kiss but when you went to walk away, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back to him mumbling "where you going, we're not done yet" before kissing you again.

charles would smile against your lips while you kiss

your favorite way to wake charles up is by kissing him, you start peppering kisses up his and across his shoulders, moving up his neck, across his cheek and then finally connecting your lip to his and while it may take a few minutes, he'd eventually wake and roll over so your trapped beneath him unable to escape his kisses.

being trapped like that often leads to his hands wandering up your sides and despite knowing that you were ticklish, he loves hearing you giggle.

your giggle is one of charles favorite sounds in the world and so he often just attacks you with tickles "give me a minute, i need to tickle the shit out of you".

whenever you two walk together, he's always holding your hand and leading you safely through the paddock or big crowds of people, especially paparazzi.

or if your just out and about you'll walk with your ring fingers wrapped around eachothers.

you'd somehow convinced charles to get matching tattoo's, just small ones on your ring fingers and that's pretty much why they are always linked when you walk.

eventually when he proposes you add to those tattoo's by getting another set of matching ones.

they are in his color too.

you two don't fight often but when you do, it's normally over something small and insignificant.

but when it does happen you get banished to the backseat of the car while carlos sits in your seat as passenger princess.

but within five minutes charles had forgotten all about it and reaches back to hold your hand, it's his way of saying i'm sorry.

time to get down and dirty;

a turn on for you is when charles stretches his arms above his head causing his shirt to raise and it gives you the most beautiful peek at his chest and v-line, he also lets out a little moan every time he does it. [can you imagine it... like my god!]

this boy doesn't believe in quickies unless he gets to eat you out, this boy just lives for it, he'll drop to his knees just about anywhere; your apartment kitchen, his drivers room, a club bathroom... literally anywhere.

both you and charles have praise kinks, he loves hearing you whisper "un si bon garçon" [such a good boy] in his ear and you live to hear him whisper "c'est ma gentille fille" [that's my good girl] while he thrusts in and out of you like a rabbit in heat.

this boy whimpers when the pleasure gets to much.

and when you decide to be naughty and not listen to his instructions, those whimpers turn to growling demands.

you and charles had decided that kids were something you both wanted and so when he gets you pregnant after like two tries, he's fucking proud, walking around wearing a cocky little smirk on his pretty face.

and to finish it off; instagram stories

just a few instagram stories you've posted of your beautiful boyfriend and his responses to them.

charlesleclerc; do you enjoy embarrassing me y/n.on.stage; fuck yeah i do, it's my job charlesleclerc; since when? y/n.on.stage; since the day you asked me to be your girl, you did this to yourself joli garcon charlesleclerc; god dammit

charlesleclerc; your not going to get one amor y/n.on.stage; and your not getting head tonight, win or no win charlesleclerc; baby i'm sorry let me explain *read* charlesleclerc; baby please y/n.on.stage; too late leclerc charlesleclerc; not the last name.. baby i'm sorry! y/n.on.stage; the number your trying to reach is currently unavailable

charlesleclerc; always mon ange <3 y/n.on.stage; you say that but there's still no ring on this finger charlie

charlesleclerc; baby you can't post shit like this, my mother follows you! charlesleclerc; but yes, you can have them y/n.on.stage; correct answer leclerc

leclerc_pascale; grandchildren? y/n.on.stage; working on it leclerc_pascale; that's my girl

charlesleclerc; BABY! where are you.. y/n.on.stage; you'll never find me.. hehe charlesleclerc; *view attached photo* charlesleclerc; you were saying y/n.on.stage; FUCK!.. i wanted to scare you.. once i was finished with lunch charlesleclerc; can i have a bite? y/n.on.stage; no

charlesleclerc; my eyes will always find you mon ange for you are the most beautiful thing they have ever seen y/n.on.stage; you want head? your drivers room in ten charlesleclerc; i'll be there in five y/n.on.stage; god i love you <3

a/n; so..... it was a bit more than a snippet but i was having to much fun to stop, can't wait to start officially writing this series <3

[haechanhues]

Is This Goodbye? (III)

pairing : brother's best friend! hyunjin x fem!reader (mentions other members x reader)

genre : smut. fluff. angst.

warnings : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. smut scene that's a bit....idk. Period brain wrote that. So sorry. Bit of a weird dynamic between characters (Minho and Y/N specifically but also another character we have yet to meet in the present timeline but you'll see what I mean). Jealousy. Someone being emotionally unfaithful. last scene and a few scenes in there is unedited but there may be mistakes throughout anyway.

word count : 19.1k

taglist : @jisungsdaydreamer @minnieprincess85 @notevenheretbh1 @iovecb97

AU masterlist

playlist : burn - USHER, come back to me again - byun jin sub, lust - felip ft cyra gwynth, hate that - key ft taeyeon, consume - chase atlantic ft goon des garcons)

"So," You start, feeling so jittery that the bones in your body could misplace themselves within the confines of your skin, "Run it by me again-"

The boy in front of you is always so patient (especially with you).

Though, you suppose at this age you should call him a man now. His features appear more fierce and sharp as the time passes, but his eyes are still the same. Always sweetened with affection when regarding you.

"They'll go through the legal processes and if all goes well-" The possibility that it couldn't go through makes your skin crawl, "Then...he's ours. He'll be my brother. Legally."

You smile, but it's a smile that's hard to pinpoint. Glossy and grateful, yet sad and helpless. But Lee Minho mirrors it to the exact detail. Like he always does. He just knows, because, he knows you.

"And you..." With a wobbly inhale, his eyes bore into yours with a strong intensity, "You'll be theirs."

You can feel his guilt fill every crevice of his heart and you hate that you can see it so clearly. Hate the way he finds fault in himself because of the situation and how you ended up. Forgetting that, it was always a possibility, just not one that was very likeable.

You place your hand on his thigh, using him as leverage to lift yourself against the strong muscle to bring him into a kiss he can't refuse. He freezes, breath rattling slightly before he begins to kiss you back.

Kissing Minho feels like love. It is love.

His fingers thread into your hair, and he presses deeper into you, mouth opening slowly. The twist of your scents embroiders the two of you in a sweet daze that neither of you can snap out of. Your shampoo and the flutter of your dress, a sweet tropical scent and then his the natural scents of his home long nurtured into all of Minho's being; his clothes, his skin, his soul.

You pull away when your lips are swollen and Minho takes the time to brush away the evidence, combing your hair out of your face and smoothing out any stray tear that escapes your eyes. When it comes to your lips and the smudged tint his mouth left behind, his thumb falters.

He swallows harshly, the action bringing your gazes together like a puzzle piece, "We have to go before I make a mess of you."

Your bite your lip at his urgency, feeling it churn in your stomach. You look back a last time, committing to memory that overgrowth of fruit treees and clean lines of care long abandoned.

Your second safe haven, left alone for the two next souls that find each other and bond so much they can't bear to let go of each other.

Your first...leading the way to the next chapter in your life.

Felix is the first person you see in the room. At that point in time, you don't know him. He doesn't know you. But with what your parents have said, this boy in front you can only be Felix and with what his parents, your parents now, have said... you're Y/N.

"Hey," Contrary to first impressions, his voice is rich and deep in tone. His hair, the colour of thunderstorm clouds and long enough to brush behind his ear.

"Hey."

Felix points to himself lamely, "Felix. Or Youngbok. Feel free to use either."

You laugh (because it's awkward and he joins you for the same reason). You lick your lips, nerves dissipating with every second despite the weird tension in the room.

Neither of you know how to act around the other.

"Y/N," You smile, "No other 'or' I can think of, sorry."

He smiles warmly, hints of familiarity in the curves of his lips and the brightness of his gaze. It's a familiarity that saddens you, but you can't fault Felix for it, not when he's being so open and so welcoming to the invader. At the sound of his name from down the hall, you're pulled from the depth of your thoughts, the remnants left leaving a permanent mark. You feel empty, just a little.

Without realising, he turns to look at you, freckles pronounced more clearly as he steps forward, reaching out with a welcoming hand to pat you awkwardly on the head.

He'll learn to despair over the moment, complaining countlessly to anyone that will listen, that he was so fucking awkward that it's a miracle in itself that you even want to breathe the same air as him, much less like him. Then he'll attempt to reclaim his likeness by recounting how he helped you for weeks on end, spending time with you and inviting you into shared spaces. Showing you around the house and indulging in well kept secrets that only home owners would know. He'll discuss that the kitchen is ruled by him, that the study room has your mother in a tight grip and the living room is a space that your father and the stray cat, Tom frequents.

But for you, the love you had for him began with that single head pat.

A single head pat and it felt like you'd do everything for him. It felt stupid, but in that moment, Felix had changed the constructions of 'home' and what it meant to you. And you, never wanted to let it go.

It took awhile to get used to everything. But you learnt. You learnt that your father tends to leave the bathroom window wide open and needs to be reminded often. to close it before he goes to bed. You learn that the walls used to be a blue colour until your family moved in early 2007 and replaced them with a creamra wallpaper in 2011. You also learn that Felix would play 'Follow The Dot' with his freckles when he was bored.

It was a house you needed to learn and at the early hour of two AM you discovered that the house was harder to navigate in the dark and the thought of meeting Minho when the moon wore the night sky like a cloak made your blood rush through your body unlike anytime before.

Felix even introduced you to his friends. Changbin was a loud soul, always ransacking the whole room with his volume level alone. It was easy to forgive that due to being handsome and his helping hand whenever your Mum needed help. It came naturally to him, no thoughts running through his head as he placed a gentle yet protective hand onto the small of your back in the middle of a busy street or as he shielded you from the sky with a cute little umbrella, ignoring the way the rain painted his back.

Hyunjin in comparison wasn't as outwardly helpful as Changbin but he really wasn't horrible either. He enjoyed the attention given to him and could sweet talk a young mother into giving up her child to him if he was that sort of person. Anything he did caused tingles to run up your spine. Sometimes he'd smooth your hair down if a strand came loose or how he'd tower over you to get something from the top shelf. He also seemed to really enjoy and appreciate everyone around him.

But Felix's girlfriend....man

This was the first time you were meeting Felix's girlfriend and you were excited. He never really shut up about her and you never really had any luck bonding with girls the same age as you, naturally gravitating towards mother figures or the boys you grew up with.

"Hey," Her smile was insane and when she brought you into a hug, you closed your eyes from the warmth of it. Her perfume and the shampoo she uses, it was so pleasant you were a little in love.

She was pretty, somewhat tall and even taller when she wore heels. She began to take you out on regular lunch dates and would ask you questions.

Only one of her questions was about Minho and it wasn't even really about Minho;

How were you liking the family?

How were you feeling?

Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend? Partner?

Questions that made you feel oddly joyful that you had trouble keeping your excitement tolerable when you reunited with Felix again.

"Fun, huh?" He giggled a little, taken aback.

You nodded.

You loved her like a sister, much like you had already accepted Felix, you accepted her. Though it wasn't because of her relationship with Felix, it was because she was kind, generous and always willing to share gossip with you.

You even bragged about her with Minho and he laughed and made a comment about the love hearts in your eyes.

You weren't shy when it came to sharing about your new home life, Minho becoming victim to the inner layouts of the family dynamic and how you fit in. Even indulging him in the story of the stray cat, Tom who snuck into the living room whilst your dad was absent.

He, sadly was a little less willing to share about his own home life, but you were excited and that was enough for the both of you.

Moments went by and life was good, made better on the nights Minho came to visit. The handsome boy like sprinkles or the cherry kiss at the end of a good day.

"So....the guy that visits you, is he a nice guy?" Changbin asks, his voice borderline protective. The three of them stand there, with their arms crossed and their frowns a hybrid of different emotions.

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend?" Changbin raises his eyebrow, "He visits at night, doesn't he?"

"He's not my boyfriend," You deny, shaking your head before peering curiously at the three of them, "How did you know about him?"

"We saw you both, in that roof balcony thing," Hyunjin shrugs, "Not your boyfriend?"

"Just friends," You smile, "He's a good guy though."

It has the boys questioning how much of it is true, if at all.

"Wanna bring him around when it's not dark? Mum would love to meet him," Felix offers. You stare back, horrified.

"She knows about him?"

"No," Felix snorts, "But it'll be nice to have a friend you can bring through the front door and not bushwhack every night just to see him."

True.

And Mum absolutely did love Minho. It touched you. Your mother opened her arms and practically scooped him up into a cuddle and Minho, ever the sweetheart and shy boy, blushed and attempted his best to return her hug.

Attempted because nothing could ever match one of her hugs.

He ended up scoring points with your father too, something as simple as a habit that he picked up as a child - family chores - scoring brownie points.

Felix also loved the way you lit up around Minho in a way he wasn't quite familiar with. For the most part, both Hyunjin and Changbin both liked him too. But, Felix was going to take his first ever opportunity in playing protective brother and not even a green flag like Lee Minho would stop him.

Felix's girlfriend smiled at Minho, offering a quick side hug before parting shortly afterwards, excusing herself to get more cups and party decorations left in her car. Though, not without an approving look shot your way.

You led Minho by the arm to the patio, fairy lights decorating the area and college kids pouring into the party, eyes widening as he acknowledges his surroundings and the passing murmurs of hello.

Changbin holds out two plastic cups for the both of you, eyeing the way Minho levels him with a polite smile, not reaching out for the cup of free alcohol.

"Do you want something alcohol-free?"

"Please."

Changbin only grins, "Don't stress," before venturing to the section with unopened cans and a supply of fizzy drink and grape juice. Not without stopping by Hyunjin, handing him the cup that Minho didn't take. Hyunjin accepted it with a small show of thanks, returning to both Felix and his girlfriend who greedily listen to his words with rapt attention.

It was a nice sight.

Hyunjin's words seemed to create imagery behind their eyes and their lips and eyebrows could barely contain their own excitement. Fe;ix's girlfriend even sat there listening attentively as Felix's fingers were tracing patterns into the skin of her thigh.

Changbin returns with the non-alcoholic options, thrusting a glass of fizzy guava drink into your hand, encouraging you to drink up. Minho's arms slid around you naturally as you dawdled forward to join your brother and his people. The story was nice, but you found more comfort in the way Minho rhythmically tapped away at your waist.

The circle was full of laughter and affection, everyone's bodies close and the rules of personal space void. Changbin sat on the opposite side of you, leaning into the two of you and creating a blanket of serenity for the both of you.

Everything was so new to you, but at the same it felt familiar almost.

The rumbling of Minho's laughter against your back and the warmth of the fire licking the length of your legs. Felix's girlfriend's loud amusement to match Felix's show of agreement and Hyunjin's show of endless passion.

You never wanted it to change.

When the night gets colder and the huddle became the only thing standing between life and death, Felix went to fetch some more firewood and Changbin had already abandoned you both in hopes to find a girl to talk to, stating the two of you made him lonely.

Watching the night sky, your murmur lowly with words that didn't really make sense, fatigue stretching over you, "Is that cass-ca...that star constellation? There? Name?"

Minho huffed a small chuckle, amused before leaning his head affectionately on yours, "Yes. That's a star constellation."

"Do you think Jeongin will be okay?" You mutter, feeling a heavy weight creep into your throat, hurting you and stripping you bare. Minho's easygoingness pauses, tightening his hold around you.

"Yes. I promise."

"Has he called you hyung yet?" You whisper, feeling your eyes become glassier by the second.

"Not yet," Minho admits, though he doesn't make an effort to promise you anything this time.

And you can't even say anything more because then someone will just be wrong and right now, you just can't have anything like that. You can't risk it. Not when this is the literal best scenario that you hoped endlessly for.

And it appears neither can he because....

"Does Felix's girlfriend actually like him?"

It comes so out of nowhere, you almost fall off of him at the sheer intensity and your head immediately whips to look at said girlfriend, defence already on the top of your tongue, "Yeah? She-oh. She's just really affectionate I think. The first time she met me she hugged me as if we had been friends for ages. She even hugged you tonight after meeting you once!"

"True," Minho accepted.

But, if Minho had noticed something....the truth of it was a little bit more plausible. You studied the way Hyunjin and Felix's girlfriend was cocooned, closely but not so close that you could immediately determine anything. She was smiling and laughing, the sound endless and Hyunjin....enjoying her attention. At least, just a little.

You dismissed it, giving the benefit of the doubt and a looming feeling in your stomach.

Now slightly uncomfortable, you rest back into your comfort, linking your fingers with his and closing your eyes. Too busy wishing and hoping to even dream.

Unfortunately the feeling doesn't cease, it seems that whatever idea Minho had planted in your head had already started growing its roots because every single interaction between them seemed a little too loaded. In fact, it was actually starting to anger you a little.

Sometimes, Felix would have the two of them over. Felix would have the controller in his hand and headset over his ears and the two of them would talk. She would giggle and joke around with Hyunjin and Hyunjin would smile and always willing to joke back.

Sometimes, Felix would lose a round and she'd be there to snort and Hyunjin would wrap him up in a hug after letting out a little giggle.

Sometimes, Felix would be talking and she'd just...make fun of his nerdy little tendencies. Berate him even.

"Oh Felix, you're really too old to be into things like this."

Then she'd turn to Hyunjin and be oh so interested in whatever he was spouting. The types of wine he used to steal from his grandmother's cellar or parties he attended, or even the songs on his drawing playlist. She'd laugh and laugh and laugh it all up.

Frowning a little, you take a seat beside Felix, a cold smile plastered on your face at the way she brushes a hand against Hyunjin's stomach and you lean into Felix, "Can you teach me how to play?"

Your reward is Felix's smile, the only smile in the room you decide you really want.

"Absolutely," So he teaches you, a tad impatient and passionate but kind and so genuinely happy you're taking an interest. It takes a few hours before you actually have to force yourself away from the game, too involved that you're starting to scare yourself and everyone else.

"See, huh huh? What did I tell ya?" Felix's drawl is teasing as his avatar beats the ogre that has been relentlessly chasing you through that shitty pixelated jungle on the screen.

"Hey- Lix, Imma go," Hyunjin cheeses as he shakes Felix's hand. You freeze as he bends down to plant a chaste kiss on the top of your head, "See you Y/N."

He casts a quick look at Felix's girlfriend, who watches him like he's some heaven sent creature, "Bye."

A few minutes pass and when it's clear Hyunjin has really left, Felix's girlfriend lets out a breath, "I'm actually gonna go too, Lixie."

"What?"

"Well you're on your game and-"

"I'm on my game because you've been talking to Hyunjin-"

"Hold on, are you going to accuse me of cheating on you with Hyunjin?"

"No. But-"

"Look, I didn't think I would need to explain my actions to you, but I thought I should leave because you're bonding with your sister. Not because of Hyunjin. Can you just stop with the Hyunjin thing?" She bites at Felix before leaving the house with a slam of the front door.

Felix sighs before combing his hair back with his hands, game paused.

"That was-"

"Rough?" Felix offers with his eyebrows raised before his features even back out, "I know."

You were thinking more 'overreaction' but 'rough' works just as well.

"Hyunjin thing?" You ask instead, borderline dangerous territory you're venturing across. Wondering whether or not you really had the right to be here.

"I mentioned that maybe her favourite person was Hyunjin as a joke but she got defensive and now has been acting like this, "Felix explains, "It doesn't look great, I know."

"I'm sure it doesn't feel great either," You frown.

Felix leans in to knock his shoulder with mine, 'Don't worry about me. She's a sweet girl, really. We're just fighting a little."

"I'm allowed to worry about you," You mention, earlier insecurities catching up to you, "Right?"

His smile is slow and purposeful, perhaps even a touch sad, "Of course you're allowed to be worried and me with you, I'm allowed to be worried about you as well. It's only fair."

You sigh, "Fiiine."

"So, in saying that," He smiles and your groan is like music to him, "I like Minho but I like you more, stop meeting him so frequently in the early hours of the morning. Front door, always. Okay?"

It's nice. To be worried over like this. But you'll never be able to squash the fact your trump card is unwavering concern about those you love and how they fit into their own world.

Never in a million years.

So he may be forgiving when she makes little attempts to grab at Hyunjin's knee or paw at his arm whenever he talks. But not you. You watch like a hawk and you stalk towards the two of them, eyes jumping judgementally.

"Hey, can you help me?" You blurt out to Hyunjin, words tumbling out of you in an attempt to make sense, tone sweet, "Please?"

Hyunjin's eyebrows furrow in concern and her eyes, wide with curiosity and a tiny flicker of annoyance.

"I think Felix is at the mailbox."

You smile at her before you watch Hyunjin lift from his seat, following after you as you lead him away from the crowd and prying eyes. Lips pressing together in thought.

"You're good at braiding hair, right?"

Truthfully, nobody has ever said he was good at braiding hair and on second thought, maybe it wasn't the best distraction, considering....

"Uhh- I'm alright at it?" Hyunjin frowned, "Though why didn't you ask-?"

"In all honesty I don't know either," You shake your head, earning you a little laugh as he places both his hands onto your shoulder blades leading you to the bathroom.

"Tell me what you need then," Hyunjin smiled, watching as you pulled out two strands of hair clumsily in the front.

"I just don't like what's going on with this," You motion, a little frazzled. Though you were putting on an exaggerated act, it oddly didn't feel like it.

He smirked, rounding around your frame to make proper eye contact with you, "First things first, we'll have to fix your parting."

You startle a little, surprised by him. He's gentle, freeing bits of tied hair out of its elastic shackle and you're left to stare at him as he expertly threads your hair together in little elaborate braids, cleaning them up with a bit of water.

He really is handsome.

Though, there are a lot of handsome people in your life.

"There."

His smile slowly fades as he looks at you, swallowing harshly at the air caught in his throat. Your own smile mirroring the moment his drops. His finger strays to follow the skin of your lip, causing your whole body to tingle.

"He's lucky to have you," Hyunjin whispers, "You know."

"I'm lucky to have Felix," You whisper back and his back straightens. Eyes imploring into yours with something you can't quite decipher. His body frozen underneath the bathroom light and an evening tinted breeze.

He hums, dropping his hand like an anchor and stepping away from you, "Yeah. Felix."

This time, it really gets to you and it becomes clearer than day. Fact. Felix's girlfriend has a crush on Hyunjin and not one that could just be battered away with time. One that is disrespectfully stuck and manipulative, with only Felix suffering as a result.

It's Friday night, student hour. Hyunjin and Felix's girlfriend are planning to meet a few of their other casual friends at the club. Felix is too sick and opted to stay home, his girlfriend only offering to stay home with him when Hyunjin did.

"I really wish you'd come, Bok," Hyunjin comments. Felix's girlfriend pouts and nods, as if she fully supports the idea and it makes you sick to your stomach.

"Cause getting refused at the door sounds like a good idea and not a total waste of time," Felix snorts sarcastically sending him into a spluttering fit. You grimace at the sound, finding it on par with the visual of his sickness but ultimately rejoicing in his snark.

He's right though, he'd definitely get turned away.

"You don't have to stay Y/N, I'm perfectly capable of being home by myself," Felix tells you, and your initial reaction is to refuse. You want to stay with Felix, you really do. But you don't want to see Hyunjin and Felix's girlfriend all over each other and flirting like nobody's at home waiting for them.

And if you go...

Perhaps, a plan would be able to be set in motion.

"I don't have anything to wear," You groan.

Hyunjin grins, nodding his head towards Felix's girlfriend, "She brought over plenty. Use one of hers."

Her face is pained.

Yours, is the complete opposite.

"I've got a suitcase upstairs, come down with whatever you find and I can do your makeup if you like," She offers and it's kind, but it's slathered in a lard like substance you feel she wants to smother you with.

You choose the clothes at random, not drawn to one over the other. You find a sparkly midnight blue shirt with long sleeves and a black skirt, a pairing you've never been lucky enough to wear without regret. You stare at them before quickly pulling them both on. It's a little tight in areas you feel they shouldn't be and loose in areas you want them to be tight.

But, admittedly, you do look like a dream.

Your hands run down the material, inspecting the roundness of your ass.

Hyunjin spots you first, and his reaction has you pausing. It feels like the moment in the bathroom all over again. Eyebrows raised and tension electrified. Though the moment is broken when Felix and his girlfriend turn to see you, her mouth dropping and Felix's grin turning brotherly.

"You're beautiful," She admits, to which the smile you show her is sincere, growing only when she turns to look at Felix with a fond look, regret building, "Isn't she?"

Destroyed only when Felix coughs, the appearance of her disgust in sync with your sincerity. Lost and brushed away by the wind. She smiles at you again, gentle with your skin as she rubs in some cream and gives your hair a little life.

"Shall we go?" She has the gall to grin at you then, her eyes landing nowhere near her actual boyfriend. Once again. Hyunjin nods and immediately smacks Felix's hand. She follows after him, giving Felix a non committed little side hug to which he accepts dutifully.

Ignoring his sickness, you embrace your brother wholeheartedly, the both of you falling into a heap, your eyes closing as he wheezes a hearty laugh into your ear, "What are you doing? What if you get sick?"

"I wish you were coming," You muse, eyes still closed and your body enjoying his brotherly warmth he eagerly shows you.

"We have plenty of time," He whispers back, before he is sent into another coughing fit.

"You really don't have to come with us if you don't want to," She comments, your expression tightening at her voice scraping the roof your ear. You rise from your position in denial and Hyunjin smiles, eyes meeting yours.

"I want to come," You say instead. This time, you miss her expression. But you see his. His eyes, they twinkle.

You pile into the Uber with a last goodbye, all three of you painfully sober that they missed the opportunity to pre-drink. Plans on how to get drunk fast pouring out of their mouths, "We down a couple of shots and have a beer or something."

You look out the window, letting yourself be ignored. But out of the corner of your eye, she's turned her back to him and she's brushing her hair out of her face, "Can you zip up my dress?"

Hyunjin nods, zipping up the dress without a fuss and you stare at him through the reflection. You can't seem to understand him.

"Did you draw that character I told you about?"

"Nope. But I did draw those flowers, so thanks."

A giggle, "You're welcome. Do you often listen to One Direction while you paint?"

"Only sometimes."

You get out of the Uber with Hyunjin's confident goodbye and your quiet farewell, both you girls following after Hyunjin. Her hand is on his shoulder and you've opted to brave the slight drizzle of rain that welcomes you to the night sky.

"Hey Hyunjin," A few greetings bid their hellos as you walk past them all. He's a bit of a nightclub celebrity with how many of them walk by. Even Felix's girlfriend gets a couple of girls to come up to her.

With her other hand, she twists towards you to link holding your hand, leading you through the throng of drunken party-goers.

The drinks pour in one after the other, every third drink a shot of hard liquor and the in between being a cheap RTD option or wine to get you just as drunk as everyone else in the club. It's also an opportunity to watch her as she starts to flirt more openly with him.

"Hey, would you fuck that blonde in front of me and Felix if I asked?" She mutters, which falls on his deaf ears.

Not yours though.

You notice she's also started to press her boobs together with her arms, puckering her lips as she leans in to tease him, "I haven't seen your type around here yet."

Hyunjin pauses, his eyelashes lifting as drinks at his drink, "I have."

"You have?" She questions with a flirty giggle "Where?"

"Around," He drops his now empty bottle onto the counter, leaning over to request another to the bartender, "You want one, Y/N?"

"Hey! What about me?"

"You don't need another," Hyunjin rolls his eyes before acknowledging you kindly, "Y/N?"

You hold up your bottle with half the drink still left over to which he accepts without so much of a fuss, "Just me then, thanks bro."

"Aww, are you worried about me?" She hiccups. She does look somewhat cute, though all that cute is buried under the huge pile of undeserving. Underserving of Felix and his time. His love.

"If you drink more than I have to take you home and I'm enjoying myself so I'd rather not," He explains to which she pouts but thankfully accepts without another attempt to pull at his heart strings.

"OH MY GOD," She shouts to which you wince, "There's Park Seonghwa, he's a partner at the firm, I'll be right back!"

The two of you watch as she stumbles through the crowd confidently, both your expressions grim. You turn to him, opening your mouth, "Hyunjin?"

He bends himself lower so he can you a little better without straining, "Yeah baby?"

Bleugh.

"I want to go home," You tell him, managing to keep a straight faced expression and you're a little grateful he agrees too easily, already opening the Uber app. It doesn't feel good leaving the two of them alone together though...

And with how drunk she is...

"I'll walk you, c'mon," Hyunjin says, his hand clasping yours as he walks you to the entrance, towards the neon lit stairs you ventured up in search of the bar. And when the ringing in your ears becomes only a memory of the crowd you just escaped from, he returns his hands to his pockets like a gentleman.

"I hope you had fun," He muses.

"I did," You grunt, which has his eyes furrowing briefly before he sees you're having trouble coming down the staircase on your own. His shoes clack against the floor as he travels upstairs to meet you, hands outstretched and a gorgeous smile on his face.

"That's good then."

"Come with me?" You offer. His mouth opens and closes, and the smile slowly falls off his face and is replaced with confusion. Head tilting a little.

He must've heard you wrong.

But you've made a decision, right then and there.

Morally a good one? Arguably.

But it's a decision.

With held breath, your hand wraps around the nape of his neck to pull him into a kiss that has his breath hitching. His hair, thick enough to curl your digits through, tickling at his skin over and over again until you get sick of it. But it's so addictive, the thought is impossible. Because his hair is as soft as his lips are plush. Time has stopped and everything is quiet.

You open your mouth experimentally, letting him fill the gaps if he so pleases. One of his hands grips at your hips to pull you closer so you're flushed against his front and the other at your neck and his thumb at the curve of your jaw, teasing you with the possibility that he might just squeeze.

He tastes of a mixed alcohol, but you don't mind it, oddly enjoying the feeling of his lips more because of it. His kiss breathing new life into you.

Your hands are everywhere on his taut and lithe frame, obsessively attached to his hair just as his is addicted to the curl of your hips.

He presses harder into you, tongue brushing along yours in a way that has you swooning. He makes a low groan into your mouth at your compliance. The sound of it zipping straight to your core, heating the energy between you.

You don't want to pull away.

But you do.

"Come with me," You say again, your hands resting on his shoulders, eyes half lidded staring into the eyes that have already melted into your own. He's heaving, thick swollen lips and a gaze like fire, and your core calls him prey for it.

"Okay."

As soon as you cross the threshold of the hotel room, your back is against the wall of the living room, your hands following blindy as yhe leads you throughout the predictable layout, leaning away from you only to rest his forehead against yours.

When he opens his eyes, his gaze is on you and your hands have minds of their own as they squeeze at his waist.

You think he's going to utter a word when you lean upwards to kiss him this time. A sweeter kiss that he does his best to follow after. His hands no longer wandering along your body but cupping both cheeks in his large hands.

"Tell me you don't want it," He murmurs dazedly.

You can see how the kiss has gotten to him, and you can feel it. A weight resting on your stomach, but you can feel his restraint as it sticks to his fingertips, rendering them completely white.

"Why would I?" You whisper back, and Hyunjin swallows.

"Sometimes I'm not gentle," Hyunjin warns, cocking his head and his voice so low it makes your own stomach drop in anticipation.

"Sometimes neither am I," You challenge him back, to which he lifts one of your legs to wrap around his torso and he pushes against your core. Your eyes fluttering shut at the brush of friction against your underwear clad pussy.

"Last chance," He enunciates, his hand splaying out at your spine, and the other twirling his hands in naughty little circles at your ankles, trailing upwards with every second he counts down in his head.

At your silence, he squeezes at the meat of your thigh, "I'll take this as permission then..."

He seizes your lips rough making you feel oh so delicious inside. His hands, although feather like along the swell of your breasts and the thin sensitive skin on the inside of your thigh, strong against your hips when he grips them, punishing your pussy with a thrust of his hips against the fabric.

His kisses begin to paint you possessively from your mouth, in between your tits and up your throat, sucking at the skin as he sees fit. Devouring you until you're squirming against him in search of exposed skin to grind on until you're completely spent.

It's like he's made to devour you.

Your hands are strangely cold against the heat of his stomach, and he tenses at the way your nails scratch along every ridge of his muscles, groaning into your ear like some wild animal.

He can't help it.

He can feel how wet you are between your thighs and it's started to coat the front of his pants.

Daring him to rut against you.

He ruts a little, indulging into his desires to feel you twitch against him, but the whine you let out ruins the thin layer of his self control, crumbling and trashing it like nothing.

"Hyunjin," You're even pleading and he loves it. Every attempt to extend your sentence purposefully drawn in an attempt to attain your regret is halted by every experimental thrust and every brain fog inducing kiss.

He's drunk of this new feeling.

"Yeah baby, tell me," He teases, the movement of his lips quiet and ticklish at the surface of your chest.

"Ah-" Your eyes squeeze shut at a particular roll of hips, his mouth sucking at your breast, "I-"

"You-?" Hyunjin cocks his head, watching the way the pleasure he gives you extracts your soul and every shed of your identity leaving something completely primitive.

"Want it," You stutter pathetically, your underwear completely soaked through. There's no doubt in your mind that you want him right now and even if you had a chance, you wouldn't, not when it feels this good, "Want you."

He doesn't speak, only watches as you make your hushed pleas, sadistically challenging you with his heated gaze. With his eyes on you, his fingers pick at your soiled underwear, hooking it to the side and you feel your body tensing with need.

Fuck.

He feels like he won't last just by looking at you, and with just a slight breeze on your clit you feel like you won't last either.

With eyes still on you, he presses an open hand against your core, enjoying the way you jerk underneath his touch and the feeling of your arousal dripping down his hand. Your hips move on their accord, impatient with his waiting game of tease.

He loves the way you clench at nothing, your core wanting nothing more but to swallow his load.

"Asshole," You growl.

You even have a bit of a mouth on you.

Who knew?

"Hot as fuck," He praises, pulling his hand away to kiss at your pussy, the sounds lewd enough and the pleasure unreal. You pull at his hair, and he groans at the pain, delving deeper into your core, tongue swirling at the bud of nerves.

You begin to coat his lips.

His chin.

He enjoys it to the point of delusion.

He wants it.

He wants nothing more.

He pulls away with a pucker, letting you feast your eyes on his need for you. He makes no effort to wipe at his mouth, his hands falling to his pants to free himself. He's long and pretty. Much like the rest of him.

He sucks his bottom lip, sliding between your spread legs and slathering his cock with your arousal like never ending lube. He taps at your clit, like he's born to tease you.

You go to curse him out.

"Be patient," He orders, and the octave of his voice has your instant obedience. And like an obedient little thing, you watch him. Expect of him. Hope for him.

He palms himself, and you follow the movement like you can't wait for him.

"There's a traffic light system, heard of it?" Tapping at your clit with the tip of his cock. One. Two. Three.

A hitch of breath.

A jerk of your hips.

An impatient whine.

"Red, orange, green....Pick one."

"Hyunjin-"

"I'm not going to do anything until you pick one," He smirks, "C'mon, it's not hard to understand. Red means this all stops and green means the complete op-"

"Green!" You yell.

You don't think you could shout it any louder.

"-Posite," He feels wolfish, sliding into you and losing all control as you clench around him, walls warm and wet. You exhale and Hyunjin thinks if it were a drink, it would sustain him for the rest of his life.

He presses his lips to yours, cushioning the sounds that escape past your lips and distracting himself from coming too early.

He eases in and out of you, teeth gritting as your face morphs into all forms of enjoyment.

"Fuck," You curse at a particular dangerous roll of his hips that send butterflies out of your aching core, dragging him into your body. You squeeze at his arms so harshly and he winces at the crescent moons you create on his biceps.

He huffs out a pleasurable laugh, eyes dropping to the marks with a greedy reverie.

He thrusts harder, aiming at the spot that has your moans wanton and uncontrollable. He bites his lips until they're tightly shut, wanting to listen to only your moans until you cry. Fuck. He wants nothing more to join your songs of pleasure but he wants to hear you more.

He wants to hear it.

Couldn't bear to move on from this moment with that kind of regret.

He wants you in his ear. Your dirty and your filthy, he wants to hear it all.

But you, you wanted nothing more to hear his. Unsatisfied, your hands paw at his back, desperately dragging them down in an attempt to break through his restraint, rewarded by an unrestrained and whiny moan of his own.

"That's better," You muse, letting his sounds wash against you.

"You're so fucking dirty," He swears, grunting into the blush of your skin, his waist snapping into yours relentlessly. But it seems like you won, because, when you made that mark down his back he couldn't stop all his moaning and heaving.

At the tell tale sign of your incoming orgasm, your arms thread behind his shoulders and your legs tense around his frame, all the while he takes you all the way to heaven. His thrusts becoming sloppy as his body tenses.

He pulls out of you, jerking himself off until hot spurts of his come paint your whole chest and stomach.

He collapses onto the bed next to you, his forehead and hair doused in sweat and sex. Tried, you feel the foreshadowing of pain in your tender thighs and the dents in which his fingers grabbed at you so desperately.

The buzz of his phone brings up the volume of the room, save for his breathing, "Your phone buzzed."

He makes a noise of acknowledgement, "What's it say?"

"Code?"

"5188."

Felix's girlfriend. Asking about the two of you and where you got off to. If he was coming back.

With a slight curve of your lips, you reply for him, 'Found a girl. Sorry.'

You giggle, "I said you had 'found a girl.'

Hyunjin snorts, casting you a teasing look, and you take a pause for how truly handsome he is, "Way to make me sound shifty.'

"It's not wrong though," You chortle, your hands pointing back at yourself in display, "You did."

Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, his lips boyishly tilting upwards, "I did."

You smirk back at him as he stares at you. His gaze is fire, but it's not. It's all melty, something in his gaze that has you a little confused.

A little scared.

You're not sure you like it.

But you're sure you don't quite dislike it either.

When you awake in the morning, alone, you're not saddened. The brief confusion of last night's events tumble away like a passing thought. He left no note. No nothing. You suppose you should leave and head back home, because if there is one thing you're desperate for right now, it's a shower.

You pull on your clothes that are clearly worn and torn from the night before, a brief look in the mirror to make sure you're presentable and your feet struggling to fit into each shoe. Your thighs are tender and your feet weirdly swollen. You’re fucking limping. Seriously?

"I hope you aren't in a rush?"

At the teasing and levelled question, you follow the sound, startled when you see Hyunjin, classically handsome as ever resting his forearms on the kitchen counter with a plastic bag of goodies next to him.

"You brought...breakfast?" You frown, slightly surprised.

"Well I did just fuck you until you couldn't walk properly," He smirks, his stare pointed, "Think of it as basic aftercare, baby."

"You like a good pet name," You notice, cocking your head in a beckoning challenge.

He mirrors the sentiment with his own, "If the situation calls for it, yeah."

You chortle, folding your arms, ready to hear what kind of line he's curating in his head about this situation, "And what is this situation, exactly?

"I want this to be a regular thing. I'm here hoping you'd let me take you out and you have all the power to decide what you do with me," Hyunjin smacks his lips together and his confidence is there, charismatically and respectfully waiting for your input.

"Do you have to take out girls for this to be a regular thing?" You ask and Hyunjin's lips shrivel at the question.

"Girls? No," Hyunjin admits, "You though? Yeah."

You frown at him, staring in silence. The lingering feeling of last night making an unwelcome return.

"Uh."

The eyes that stare back at you are warm, rippling along the delicate nerves of your skin with comfort instead of the burning uncertain fire that accompanied you last night.

He bites at his lip and tugging at the ring secured around his finger, the one you gave to him just short of two years ago.

You tuck a stray hair behind his ear, and zero in on the way his eyes flutter at your touch.

"Minho," You call, too concerned by the way he leans into you.

His eyes open wide, remembering himself. He straightens in his seat, clothes pristine and elegant a stark contrast to your simple t-shirt and shorts.

You wonder if Jeongin wears these types of clothes now.

"We text now," Minho admits, staring at you in a way that makes you believe he's expecting something from you. Worried about your reaction, almost. Either way.... "Jeongin and I."

"That's great," You reply, "Does he call you hyung yet?"

"Not yet," Minho cocks his head and you can't help the gentle smile on your face, the action making his expression soften, "What's with that grin? Huh?"

"My brother's hard to win over, isn't he?"

The smile on his face is still there, but you can see the dwindle of the light that graced his face before.

You swallow, "-You know what I mean."

"No," Minho shakes his head, "He's still your brother."

You're silent. Too silent.

"He is," Minho asserts, hand gripping at your hands more firmly. Stomach churning at the crossroads you've lived to confront. To admit he's your brother is to-

"I've got to tell you something," You blurt.

"Yeah?" He sips at his wine, relaxing a little in his seat. Welcoming the change with open arms.

"I have a date with Hwang Hyunjin."

The rigidness of his frame, sends you into a spiral. Nonsense was spouted and now there is the discomfort that you and Minho tried to ignore.

"Hyunjin asked me out I think," You ramble, hands rolling in defence, "I don't know. This might help Felix."

"And you want to use Hyunjin to..." His tone tilts, "Do what exactly?"

You swallow, "Well....Maybe this way, I can remove Hyunjin from the equation."

He doesn't let on whether he's impressed or not. Truth is, neither are you. It was a plan concocted when you left Hyunjin's place, promising him you'll think about it.

"Are you mad?" You question, needing to know. Begging him to look at you.

He pauses, digits playing with the wine glass charm at the bottom of his glass, "I have no control over who you date or don't, Y/N."

You harshly swallow, conversation weighing on you like an ultimatum, "I don't want to lose you."

Minho sighs, his knuckles creasing in the skin of his forehead briefly, as if he's pained to then face you, any expression wiped away, "You won't lose me, Y/N. You won't lose him. No matter what your decisions are."

He breathes deeply, excusing himself from the table to go to the bathroom.

He pays for the light meal and the wine you shared.

Then kisses you lightly on the lips goodbye.

And you cry for hours on the cold floor of your bathroom.

Love is just wonderful.

But sometimes, sometimes it feels like it's not for you, terrorising you at every corner with complications and obstacles. Offering a man you love and can technically have but won't. Offering another man that you only plan to use for the morally challenged greater good.

Your first date with Hyunjin isn't what you imagine it'd be. Nor does it end in sex or anything of the sort.

The farm is spring. The epitome of spring. Rows and rows of pretty pastel colours that belong on some influencer's social media account. The sun is hot and beams straight onto you both.

"Wow," You mutter, "It's so hot."

"Yup," He agrees, then, he's touching you and for a minute all you can remember is what happened. Your breathing hitches at how easily he touches you. Only to realise he's rubbing in sunscreen to your exposed skin. With a single finger, he paints a line down the expanse of your cheek, letting you rub the cream in yourself.

"What was that?"

"Can't have my date exposed to skin cancer on our first can I?" Hyunjin teases.

"And what about you?" You scoff, pointing out his pale skin, "You're more likely to burn, no?"

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, before slathering his own skin with a good dollop of sunscreen, letting it smooth all over. Smiling to yourself, you eagerly take the opportunity to paint a smiley face onto his rounded cheeks and exposed nape of his neck. He shudders at the feeling, stumbling clumsily away from the sensation.

"You're a cheek," Hyunjin calls, taking note of your teasing and rubbing in your art making you pout, "Hey can we get four punnets, please?"

"Absolutely. Our strawberry farms are in the greenhouse tents at the end, but apart from that every section will have the name of the berry on the sign. So just keep an eye out. The price is also determined by the weight."

"Thanks," He charms the worker before you follow him all while he shows you the empty containers with nothing other than joy.

The strawberry tent is slightly wet and the grass squelches as you walk on it, the sound bringing a grimace to your face. Strawberries are plentiful and the red bleeds onto the crevices of the green.

"You know the proper way to pick them?" You ask, the words causing him to lean a little further into you and your space.

"Teach me?" He says with a smile you can't quite trust.

You grip at the strawberry softly, forefinger and middle finger embracing the flesh with support from your thumb, "We want the chicken claw pose then lift it....you listening?"

He smiles, head falling onto the crown of your head, lips quirking, "I'm listening..."

"And then.." At the crisp sound of the stalk separating from the fruit, you smile in satisfaction. All the while Hyunjin smiles at how sweet you are.

He bites his lip when you watch him expectantly, eyes never leaving him as he reaches for a single juicy looking strawberry, his eye contact zig zagging continuously between you and the fruit, "Like this?"

You smile, pleased, "Yeah."

With that you fill the container, both of you sharing one of the biggest strawberries you've ever seen in your life. With the juice running down your fingers, Hyunjin smirks before leaning forward to take a bite of the strawberry, his bottom lip brushing against your thumb.

You intake a sharp breath, his whole body up against yours, leaning into you and you're worried about how much he'll see. How he'll immediately notice the way your heart pounds against your rib cage and how much your eyes struggle to make eye contact when he's so close and his gaze so heated.

That fire.

"It's really so good," Hyunjin murmurs, the words licking at you with lust and seduction. You swallow, afraid to look at him.

"Let's go to the blueberries," You demand, walking out of the tents at a faster pace than you would've originally.

You don't hear Hyunjin laugh, but you can almost see the smile that's brought to his face at the sheer fact that whatever game he was playing...you've lost.

You're a lot less gentle with the blueberries, your playful demeanour dormant underneath all the bashfulness you're parading. It's cute, the way you haven't stopped looking at him. So even if you haven't been speaking to him for almost twenty minutes now, he'll take it as a win.

"I'm sorry," He nudges you with his shoulder a little, secretly wanting to see you pout that whole time he's with you.

You furrow your eyebrows harder, harsh lines across your forehead like a failed attempt putting a screensaver on a phone. He's pretty sure your neck has veins with the severity of your 'anger'.

"Huh?" Hyunjin smacks his lips to attempt from smiling, "What do I have to do for you to forgive me?"

"Give me that jumper," You say at once, so fast he struggles to distinguish what it was you said exactly.

HIs gaze drops to his white Versace jumper, hesitantly turning toward you. A little confused but too curious.

Damnit.

His lips quirk, "Why the jumper?"

“I want it. I’ve never had Versace,” You hold your hand out like a spoiled little brat, beckoning him to move with the flick of a finger. 

Hyunjin exhales, looking around at the rows of shrubs and a cooling sky, before he looks at you. Again, “Except you’re looking at me, Y/N.” 

You open your mouth, only for his next words to completely blindside you, “And with the way you’re looking at me….I can’t be sure it’s the jumper you want…” 

He’s teasing you, with that little smirk he has. It’s almost like he’s taunting you. So try again. Better luck next time! 

Shit fucking- 

You turn back to the shrubs filling the blueberries with speed and precision and Hyunjin follows you, amusement painted on him like a second skin at your demise. He reaches for the containers out of your hands, leading you to the thick crowd of bush at a back section, adorned with blackberries. 

You join him, his eyes dancing with light as he swivels around slightly to face you, “Decided to join me?” 

“I’m just making sure you pick the good ones, Hyunjin,” You deny, face turning away to hide your smile. 

“How do you know I won’t?” Meanwhile Hyunjin wears his grin with glimmering pride. He picks at the blackberries, enjoying the taste of one. 

You don’t say anything, opting that silence is the best comeback you could have right now, only to fluster at his next words. 

“Glad to see you use my name,” He raises an eyebrow, “I didn’t think you knew it.” 

You snort, “Don’t be so dramatic. I’ve called you by name so many times. I’m not going to call you Philip, am I?” 

“More often than not you don’t say my name, you avoid it even,” He comments, his thoughts glossing his eyes over, “At least that’s what it feels like.” 

“...I don’t mean to? I don’t think I do that… You noticed?” 

“How couldn’t I?” Hyunjin shrugs again, feigning a neutral expression as he fills the container up, one by one. 

“I’m sorry,” You apologise, the silence is loud. So loud and awkward and gangly, sitting there at your table with twitchy joints. 

“So I like it,” Hyunjin glances at you meaningfully, “I’d like to hear it more from you.” 

“Okay,” 

You walk together with your three full containers to where the raspberries are planted. They’re all plump and a reddish purple colour and they look so good you’re tempted to just eat more than collect. 

“..Hyunjin?” 

Hyunjin’s head flickers to yours in surprise before a warm smile creeps onto his face. It’s so warm that your own look turns bashful and you almost forget the reason you wanted his attention entirely, “Yeah, Y/N?” 

“Uh- Do you like raspberries?” 

“Raspberries? I don’t mind them. I’m more of a strawberry guy.” 

You screw your face up in a little bit of judgement and quickly turn away from him, returning to the raspberries. 

“What? What’s wrong with strawberries?” Hyunjin snorts, unable to let go of your judgement but also not offended. Not at all. Anything to get you talking. 

“It’s just a bit basic, that’s all,” You shrug, and Hyunjin’s face is a  bit more offended now but it’s cooled just as quickly as it arrives because you’ve got a teasing look on your face. 

“Right well,” Hyunjin pouts, picking up his stuff to create distance. 

“Hey!” You plead, “It’s not a bad thing!” 

“Could’ve fooled me!” 

“Hyunjin,” You whine, “Come back, I need help getting up, my legs are dead.” 

“That’s just a bit basic, Y/N, love,” He drawls, appearing like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland. 

“Hyunjin,” You whine back. 

He laughs, dawdling back in front of you, watching you pathetically reach both your arms out towards him. His hands grip at your forearms pulling you upwards and you stumble back into him. 

“You’ve gotta stop trying this method to get me to be into you, Y/N,” He baits, not even waiting for your reply. You scoff as he turns away from you, filling his container so fast it makes your own container look pathetic. 

Feeling competitive, you speed past him, filling your own with raspberries to the tune of his laughter and later his own competitiveness to the point of overflow. 

The two of you are heaving, comparing each other’s containers with a cautious eye, decidedly agreeing that the two of them are rather equal. Though personally you suspect that your own is a little more full. 

“Woah,” Hyunjin exhales a breath of surprise, eyeing at his fingers that are a deep red and purple. You giggle, eyeing your own. The marks don’t reach further than your fingers like he does but they are a lot darker with a lot more coverage. 

You line up your fingers near his hand so he can see. 

His eyebrows furrow a little, before he rummages into his pocket to pull out his phone. You drop your hand but he pulls it back, angling the phone to a better angle. He smiles as he takes the photo and you feel a little bit like you’re the victim of a spell. 

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

“Shall we go?” Hyunjin asks and you can’t help but agree quickly, squashing the feeling inside of you so deep you disassociate for the rest of the trip home. 

When you return home, a little tired that your eyes are fluttering close even before the door closes shut, you’re surprised by how quiet the house is, save for the quiet humming of the TV. 

“Felix!” Changbin yells from the room, “Felix!” 

You pause, deciding whether you should leave him and take the nap you want to indulge in or to tell- 

With a sigh, you follow the incessant calls of Felix’s name, until you’re in front of him, “Ah-not Felix. Where is….everyone?” 

“Oh shit sorry,” Changbin apologises, “Felix was gonna drop by to his missus to drop something off-” 

You roll your eyes. 

“-And your parents go out every so often to have a little time to themselves. Keep the romance alive. Gross, I know.” 

“It’s cute actually,” You muse, too used to older people ruining each other over and over again. 

“I thought you were with Minho?” Changbin inquired, turning down the volume for the TV. 

You lean against the wall, “Why’s that?” 

“I know you said he isn’t your boyfriend but you clearly have feelings for each other,” Changbin commented further. 

You laugh, “Are all these questions because you’re watching Love Island?” 

“And if I said yes?” 

“Then I’ll just assume that you’re projecting,” You huff out a little giggle, walking off to your own room and the confines of your space. 

“Y/N!” He yells after you, but doesn’t make an effort to follow. 

“Good night!” 

You fall asleep with a soft smile on your face, no tingles but a blanket of warmth to protect you. 

The second date you were actually genuinely excited for. Hyunjin picked you up, adoringly gazing upon your smile that lit the whole sky up. 

“That’s a pretty smile,” Hyunjin comments, pushing the handbrake down. 

“I’m excited,” You reply, practically bouncing in your seat. 

“Oh really? I couldn’t tell after you practically forced me to tell you what we were doing today,” Hyunjin recalls, mind rewinding back to the night before when he had sent a cute mysterious text. 

Dark coloured pants. Dark coloured jumper. Sneakers tomorrow. Trust me x

Unfortunately for him, it didn’t stay all that cute and mysterious, because you called him. 

“I want to know,” You demanded. 

“I’m not gonna tell you,” Hyunjin snorted. 

“Tell me or I’ll come tomorrow wearing a tutu and a bright ass top,” The sound of your threat put a smile on his face. 

“You can try if you want, Y/N,” Hyunjin laughed, “Either way you’re gonna look really pretty.” 

“Hyunjin, please.” 

He swallowed, momentarily caught in surprise. Shit. 

He’s reached a new level of low. 

He’s folding THIS early? 

“Hyunjiiiiiin,” You double down, catching quick onto his dilemma. His tongue prodded into his cheek, eyebrows furrowing at his resolve completely fading at two little words. 

“Paintballing,” He blurted, “....We’re going paintballing.” 

Suddenly, there was no sound. It was quiet and he felt his blood pressure drop. Did you hate the idea of paintballing? He hoped not because he had booked it spontaneously and- 

“Really?” The question came out like a summer fruit, so good and so energetic that it made his heart flutter. 

“Yeah,” He sighs, rubbing at the bridge of his nose self consciously. 

“I’m gonna go pack!” 

“Okay.” 

“Bye Hyunjin. Thank you.” 

He stared at his phone for five minutes after the call ended, the smile on his face never once dropping and his excitement for the next day at an all time high.

You were bouncing with excitement all the way to the hut, and Hyunjin places both hands on your shoulders when it seemed to reach heights that distracted him from hearing the rules. 

“You’re cute,” Hyunjin muses, whispering into your ear, “But I can’t hear the rules and I’d hate to accidentally shoot you.” 

You frown, muttering, “Not if I shoot you first.” 

Hyunjin smirks, letting his hands slightly drop from your shoulders but didn’t make an effort to back away from you. Neither did you move away from him, shivering pleasantly because of the warmth he provided in the wild breeze that ventured from every corner of the paintball course. 

“You’re green team,” The instructor says, handing you over two green bands to tie around your wrist. You peer around the area scanning both friend and foe, letting Hyunjin tie them. 

“Luckily we got green and not…” You enunciate, eyeing the yellow team with an almost cruel observation. 

“You’re competitive,” Hyunjin comments, fastening the band around your wrist. You fasten him with a look, which in turn has his own smile getting wider. 

“Hey,” Another couple sidles up to you, the girl leaning in to make a comment, “I noticed one of the couples has a limp so-” 

As you both add to the observations, the guy bundles up next to Hyunjin, watching the two of you discuss tips and thoughts. 

“First time here?” 

“Hmm?” Hyunjin whips his head towards him, smiling slightly, “Yeah. I didn’t know she’d be this into it.” 

“Neither,” The guy laughs, “Now we come here every month.” 

“Woah,” Hyunjin chuckles, “I’m Hyunjin.” 

“Soobin,” The guy introduces himself, stretching his back, “How long have you been a couple?” 

“Not dating,” Hyunjin sighs, “I’m grafting for it though.” 

“Good on you,” Soobin nods, smiling at his girlfriend as she drags you into the toilet, no doubt commenting that there will be no time for bathroom breaks in the middle of a war, “Good luck out there. I suggest going to the toilet while you can.” 

Hyunjin finds himself glad at the conversation. He likes talking about you, though brief and slightly irrelevant, he can’t help but think it’s the start of something. He loves the thought that you may be into him. He loves slow progress. The everything. The way your smile has begun to get bigger and how you’ve begun to lean on him and direct him. 

He’s into it. 

He’s into you. 

The first game he gets hounded by you. Scolded for having his head in the clouds. But he’s too busy being too whipped to care. He doesn’t think you notice how protective you get of him, escorting him across the course with the mentality of a bodyguard. 

The second game, he’s still being protected. All until you’re all out of pallets and you get a taste of how much paintball actually hurts. 

“Ow, fuck,” You curse, squeezing at the flesh of your stomach, only to then be shot in the hand and face, whipping you completely away of your focus and your protective gear loosening. 

“Woah, you alright?” Hyunjin angles his body in front of the line of fire, his hand raising upwards in concern. The shots cease temporarily, their shouts undetectable but the warning clear. 

“Yeah, I’m going to get this fixed,” You wince, your fingers acknowledging the disarray of your hair, before stepping away to raise both hands in the air. 

He watches you leave carefully, before he’s alone again and the game continues. He exhales, leaning against the thick crust of the bush before taking aim. 

“I severely underestimated you,” You observe, a bit of dirt lining the edges of your face and hands. 

His lips quirk upwards, “I only had to get revenge for my girl.” 

“Hwang,” You growl, though the laugh sticks to your throat. 

“Lee.” 

“I’ll be watching you,” You girls eye the line of men that are lined up on the other side before exchanging tactics. 

“My man, he’s big and can’t hide for shit.” 

“He’s got a limp, he’ll be out first. We even had a bet on it so please aim for him.” 

“My ma- guy, he looks pathetic but don’t be fooled. He’s pretty but he’s a good shot,” You comment to the expectant eyes. The teasing eyes of Arin cannot be missed. 

“Your ma-guy,” Arin giggles to which your eyes narrow. 

“Not falling for it,” You dismiss her, feeling bashful as her giggles shake at your fortitude of protection. 

It’s all fun and by the end of it, you feel you have new friends in Soobin and Arin and a couple of the other couples. You even opt to have lunch together that day, spontaneity in your blood as you order three servings of deliciously marbled meat. 

It’s even more worth it, that although Hyunjin drops you off down the street from your house, you smile like you never have before at him, “I had fun.” 

“Me too,” He looks at you with some sort of smile that has you smacking your lips, suddenly shy. 

“Bye,” You wave at him, trailing away from the car little by little, aware that he keeps an eye on you until he knows you made it home safely. 

You open the door with a massive sigh, pausing at the smirk on Changbin’s face as you step foot through the wide passageway. 

“You look happy,” Changbin comments, biting his lip teasingly. 

With a grin still on your face, you point a finger at him, “Keep your mouth shut, Seo Changbin.” 

“I didn’t say anything,” Changbin chortles, poking a finger into your side, the same side that had been victim of continuous paint abuse. 

You wince and giggle, as if your body is confused by how it should continue. Changbin raises his eyebrow, “What was that?” 

“Nothing,” You say, jerking away from his attempt at possibly pressing on another bruise. 

Changbin nods his head in faux agreement, before he doubles down, fingers slightly pressing on each shoulder. You shy away from him, stepping backwards, Changbin cornering you. 

“What the hell?” 

The two of you whip your heads to Felix, eyes widening at the sight of Changbin backing you up against the wall. A huge misunderstanding. Truly. 

“So…you two?” 

“No it’s not like that,” You shake your head. 

“It’s really not, dude, we were just playing around,” Changbin shrugged, “She’s ticklish.”

Felix pauses, hesitates and then accepts. Then goes to tell you something with his head cocked, and you worry he’ll be stuck like that, “Pizza’s ready.” 

You hurry past the two boys, heat flushing your skin. 

“So you really aren’t?” Felix leaned into Changbin when you were gone from view. 

“No, dude,” Changbin snorted. 

Felix accepted it and found he didn’t entirely hate it. Definitely didn’t like it, but hate it? Surprisingly he didn’t. 

Food for thought.

The third date was the most typical and the type of first date you'd expect from a teenager but you liked it all the same.

You'd love it if he hadn't won the first game...

And wasn't winning now.

"Wow, okay you're really not going easy on me," You comment as he receives another spare, walking away from the lane with a wicked smile on his face that tickles at the organ in your chest.

He chuckles, "After paintball? I won't make that mistake."

Your nose crinkles in displeasure, but for a moment it makes you grin. You like what he said. You like how he said it. Everything about it.

You throw the ball, hoping luck would be on your side, but the oil and grease that coats the lanes proved stronger, the ball led straight into the gutter. Gutter of the lane and the gutter in your stomach.

Shit.

Hair tickles against your chin as the smug handsome devil leans over you, "Honestly I thought you had that."

You hurl your shoulder back in defiance, only to hear his laughter, melodious in your ear. It should be annoying, and it is, but it also feels like the most fun you've ever had.

Every morning of a bowling alley in your memories felt loaded. The earliest involves that of your loosely attached adults, many after that where you and Jeongin grappled with grief and despair and a sense to right wrongs. The memories before containing Minho....

Now...

He's the first one that doesn't matter to you. Shouldn't matter to you. You had hoped to bring Felix here first, but Hyunjin brought you here instead, a small crinkling of fate sprinkled over the two of you.

And he's here and he's completely thrashing you at a game you had self-confessed expert level skills. In your bowling home.

However, a thought runs through your head so dark and rampant, the lights could have flickered at the sheer intensity.

Creeping behind him, you place a hand on his shoulder, only removing it when he turned around with a curious yet satisfied fat grin on his face.

You enjoy it more than you should.

He freezes underneath the feel of your lips on his, reminding him of the moment a couple of weeks ago when you first kissed him like this. His eyebrows furrowing in thought, he pushes gently at your shoulders.

"Do you always kiss guys to get what you want?" His mouth opens and his tongue licks at the corner of his mouth, displeasure dancing in his irises. You love it. You can't help it. You want to poke at his emotions with a stick, like he's your own personal Frankenstein's monster.

"And if i say an answer you don't want to hear?" You smirk, lips curling deviously at the snarl transforming his face.

He scoffs out a fake laugh, "Try it."

"Okay, I ki-" You're interrupted by the way his arms snake possessively around your waist, pulling you into a bruising kiss that leaves your lips swollen and your head all over the place. Your arms hanging loosely by your sides as you come to terms with it all.

He finishes the round with a double strike and a score that almost doubles yours.

"Yet," He whispers, lips brushing the shell of your ear, "I still won."

He straightens up, and you're left to watch him as he walks back to the car in which he dropped you off. You want nothing more than to wipe that look on his face, but you're also severely attracted to him at the minute and it feels dangerous.

"Are we exclusive?" He asks, tone back to the octave you could combat against. His fingers tap on the wheel of the car in a relaxed sort of way.

"Not yet," You deny him, watching to see if his face will change like it did inside or if he'd surprise you again.

But it doesn't happen.

He nods, fingers ghosting along his lips almost like he's rubbing the kiss you two shared right in your face. You narrow your eyes at him, staring at the smug look on his face.

He knows exactly what you're thinking of.

Where you're looking.

"I'll see you next time then, Y/N."

His hands are strong, but the way he holds your face is gentle, a contrast to the intensity of his kiss. You follow the best you can, his mouth drawing out the most pathetic whimpers from your throat.

His touch follows down the length of you arm, goosebumps spreading throughout your entire body that you feel like you're floating. He grounds you, placing his hand onto the flesh of your thigh and letting his lips and tongue paint you in tingles.

His frame slots in between your legs, the warmth of his body sending a shock straight to your core.

You're hungry for him.

Always.

But there's an incessant knock on the back of your head, your subconscious persistent.

"What's wrong?" You whisper, lips plump.

He doesn't say anything, breath heaving and body tensing in a way that implies that he heard you. That he doesn't feel comfortable. He licks at his lips and the change in him has you concerned. You cup his face with your hand, watching as he leans into your touch, basking in you.

"Minho," You call, now slightly worried. His eyes open and your heart softens. He's so beautiful.

He presses forward to capture you in a kiss again, eyes closing unconsciously as he pours every bit of passion from his heart into you. You kiss back as you feel your heart open to swallow him whole, thoughts forgotten at the familiarity.

Arousal pools in your underwear as he hands travel lower, gripping at your shirt to pull you closer. His body strong against you. Your hands collect in his hair, soft strands that you swear felt different-

You frown, rising to meet his pace with your own, willing to squash the thought and indulge fully in Minho. With a lewd smack, his mouth dips towards your exposed throat, sucking at the skin. A particularly bruising suck, and then he rips at your shirt with a quick promise to buy you a replacement, but you don’t care. 

Your eyes flutter shut at the feeling of his lips gravitating towards your chest, dipping down the valleys and small freckles you didn’t even know existed. With a shaky inhale, “Minho.” 

He pauses, left hand dug deep into the fabric of your clothes and the right hand twisting at the waistband of your underwear, desperate. 

It worries you as much as it does lick at your sex drive. 

His desperation. 

You want it. 

Minho’s eyes flicker upwards to meet yours in an intense stare. Biting at his lips, he straightens his posture, form looming over yours with barely restrained tension, “Jeongin…he’s never gonna be what he should….” 

His words and his eyes, they all feel so heavy all of a sudden, drooping from your heart like a fat teardrop. 

“But you-” He swallows, “You’re the only thing I’m sure of.” 

Your stare implores into his eyes, glazed with feeling and you’re the one to kiss him first. Soft and  sweet, until it isn’t and it’s just as hungry as it was before. This time, only more loaded. 

Everything is a team effort. 

You rip at his shirt as you try to remove it from his upper body, revealing a strong chest and a stomach that calls to be marked up by your nails and your lips and your arousal. His arms envelop you and your moan is guttural as your hands slip around his shoulder blade and feel his muscle thrum underneath your touch, his skin raising in anticipation. 

You lift your waist as he peels your underwear from your body, legs locking impatiently to which he has to hold down at your hungry waist. 

His eyes are the danger to your hunger, promising to feed you with his cock and growling at the way he slips past your swollen lips and down your aching throat. You suck him until his eyes start to droop and you wouldn’t have stopped. You didn’t want to. But he wanted a different story. 

He kisses at your pussy, admiring how it glistens with every lick and suck. Every kiss. How your thighs start to shake as he groans into your core, tongue fucking you just to see how unsettled you get. 

You’re wild, nameless and unashamed. Begging for him like a bitch in heat.

“Put it in,” You hear pleading, it’s you but it doesn’t feel like you. 

“I could,” Minho nods, “Or I do what I want.” 

His fingers sink into your pussy, almost moaning at how warm and wet you are. You moan, “Min-fuck.” 

He grins now, his lips latching onto your clit in order to bring you to orgasm. You tremble underneath his order, hips jerking uncontrollably at your orgasm. You’re moaning and whining and every word is now replaced with curse words. 

“Oh,” You cry as he brings you to climax, fireworks exploding and colours you can’t name attacking you like thunder, “Min….” 

With a final kiss he separates from you, watching your chest heave and attempt to return to normal. Skin blotchy with varying degrees of delicious heat across your legs and chest, looping around your heart and your ears. 

You smile and are rewarded by the type of sparkly grin only he can wear, mischief playing games in his dark brown pupils. 

He is beautiful and he is love. 

“Min-fuck, huh?” He chuckles to which you can’t help but attempt to bring him closer, wanting to feel his warmth. 

“You should legally change it,” You playfully suggest and you love that his laugh trinkles all parts of you, as if your body is wired to him. 

“Should I now?” He smiles, finger pointing playfully into your naked exposed chest, grin widening as you giggle in reply. You love it. 

You hate it when you can see the eventual grin fade into the hooded look that terrified you earlier. It terrifies you even more when he closes his eyes so you can’t see it. 

“Min-” 

“You ready to go again?” Minho looks at you, soft in the eyes but tense everywhere else. 

You nod, letting his hands squeeze at your thighs, head tilting as he runs the tip of his cock along the thick paste of the highs he can take you to, body welcoming the familiar fullness as he sinks into you, thrusting experimentally. 

You whine, opening your legs wider to encourage him to take his own pleasure from you. But he doesn’t need it, not when he fucks you like he owns you and controls the rate of your pleasure. 

He thrusts forward, meeting your hips and mouth dropping in focus, breathing heavy as skin slaps against skin. 

You make eye contact with him, the connection between you a neon blue. Without a word, he buries his face into your neck and his cock into your core. Dragging you closer to the high once again, your pussy sopping. 

As you both are brought closer to orgasm, your bodies start to move in a frenzy, the decorum dropping as the both of you become more and more starved. His fingers curl into your hair harshly, simultaneously thrusting and rubbing against your clit. 

You come with a moan, followed three seconds later by the stutter of his hips and his sharp exhale. He’s hungry as he kisses you, unrecognisable as he devours you into a kiss that leaves you dumb, kissing as you both come down from your high. 

He sleeps beside you that night and you huddle to seek his warmth. Seek Minho. Escape the outside world like you have done so many times before. Feeling his love and your love. Your proper love. Feeling it in this room and despairingly begging not to feel it anywhere else.  

The face you see isn’t the one you’ve seen all week, but the one who has yearned to see you. That had passed on a girl trying to get in his pants last week and had aired a constant fuck without your knowledge. 

The car you see is also a new one. You pause, open mouthed as you study the sleek sports car in front of you, not being able to name it but appreciating it all the same. 

“Is this your car?” 

Hyunjin shakes his head, admitting with buried shame, “No.” 

“Then why are you in it?” You laugh, your eyes on him now, studying him like he’s some sort of enigma. 

“It’s not like I’m trying to date you or anything….” He bites his lip, staring at you with a look that flusters you to your core. 

His eyes don’t sparkle like you’re expecting, but they’re lined with something alluring and pull you in with promises that ring in your ears. Sharp in places that are soft, and soft in places that are sharp. A freckle in a place that’s new. 

He smiles, letting it grow as he puts the car into drive, following the road with his heart fluttering at an uncontrollable level. 

“So what are we doing today?” You ask when you just can’t handle his smile any longer. 

He peeks at the console in between you, pressing the button to reveal a single cardboard cut card. You raise an eyebrow, reaching greedily for it. You catch yourself, eyeing at the cute little drawing at the start. 

“Did you draw this?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You’re talented,” You smile at him before flicking the card over to read the contents, “Mini scavenger hunt must do ... .date is not over until all is completed. Sounds a bit…trappy.”

“Baby, my forte is sketching not writing,” He sasses, turning the steering wheel left, “Read on.” 

“Must pose in these four positions for a photo ... Try a food the colour of our outfits,” You peek at the abundance of green you’re wearing and his red jacket, “Oh thank god. Buy a present for each other….” 

Hyunjin watches as you read each sentence carefully, devising a game plan already, “Do you wanna do the photobooth first and finish with the present?” 

At the first instance that your face changes, he rushes to add, “There’s no timer or anything. It’s just a date between us two.. No secret other teams you need to worry about.” 

You kiss your teeth in displeasure, shoving at him with your hand lightly, “I wasn’t thinking that!” 

Hyunjin raises his eyebrows in defiance, “Mmm sure.” 

You pout, letting him lead you to the main collection of stores and cute little date stops, he holds your hand quick in comparison to the way your eyes dance between the little cute headbands and soft plushies at the wake of the photobooths. 

The photobooth is a lot more comfier than expected, tight enough you can feel the details of Hyunjin’s arms through the fabric of his blouse and the way his heart bleats in his chest. You school your face enough that Hyunjin won’t be able to tell it flusters you, to have him this close. 

But he’s not playing fair, because when his large hands wrap you within his hold and his chin rests on the crown of your head, it’s an embrace you associate with someone else. An embrace you associate with love and the fear overruns you. 

Hyunjin is beautiful. His lips are plush and always have you begging for them almost. An unseen power you’ve never felt before. Even with Minho. But Minho is also someone you can’t really have, morally, socially… 

Hyunjin is a game. You know that, and yet you don’t want to separate from him. It’s easy to be with him. Too easy. So easy you forget about Felix for more than one moment. You forget about Minho. 

You’re a girl with a boy that can. Can do all the things he’s doing with you. Who could probably kiss the shit out of you in this photo booth and take off running with the evidence. Could show Felix, and it wouldn’t be the same. 

So you let Hwang Hyunjin hold you. 

Hold you like he’s in love. 

Hold you like you’re in love. 

And perhaps a part of you is… in love with him, that is. Or in love with the feeling, all the more, you took those photos with new heat in your cheeks and enjoyment in the way your skin skimmed against his with every movement. The way his throat bobbed and his voice made the hair on the back of your neck shift. How the bones stiffened and rewired themselves to fit his frame against your back. 

He leads you through the mall, the abundance of the throng becoming more prominent as you get closer to the food court. A shoulder almost barging into you within a second, Hyunjin too occupied with his own obstacle to catch it early enough. 

“Woah,” He mutters, glaring at the harsh pull of someone barging into you a second time, “The fuck.” 

He’s half a second away from digging the jewel of his expensive ring into the dude’s gut with a thick slab of burning lava to embalm the pain when you pull him away from his anger. A coolness washing over him as you pull him closer to you. You wrap yourself around him like he’s your protector and it’s so cute. 

Too much, you’re too much. 

“Can we eat in the car?” You plead so quietly that Hyunjin almost misses what you say. But he agrees wordlessly as his eyes flick across every option for what looks the best or what has the smallest line. 

“What do you want? I can get it and you can go to the car if you want?” Hyunjin offers. 

You shake your head, digging further into his body and he almost forgets he’s in the middle of foot traffic, “Let’s get whatever.” 

He nods, pulling you towards a small snack shack in the corner run by a kind elderly woman and her middle-aged son. The pair greet you warmly and it instantly has you a lot calmer than the rest of the food court. Hyunjin is grateful as he orders, the son has you in a polite but distracting conversation and he gets to hold your hand whilst he does it. 

“I hope you get married!” The elderly woman cheers at the pair of you as soon as Hyunjin orders, her grin wide and toothy. 

“Mum! I’m so sorry!” Her son warns, before he apologetically smiles, “Sorry she’s a little traditional and nosy.” 

Hyunjin is a little flustered, eyes wide open but quick to play along, leaning forward, “Only time will tell, Halmeoni.” 

The lady’s mouth rounds into a teasing ‘O’ and he loves the way your expression drops in complete surprise, tripping over yourself as he leads the two of you away once again, “You’re insane.” 

“I’m aiming for exclusivity, baby, get used to it.” 

Even you can’t control the smirk that crosses your face at the teasing snark. 

You instantly let out a sigh as you sit in the quiet and calm car, the only noise being Hyunjin’s door as he closes it, enveloping the two of you in a world of brown paper bags filled with greasy salty and sweet snacks and a spicy bowl of tteokbokki. 

Hyunjin snorts, holding up the sad excuse of two baby toothpicks and one set of chopsticks, “I think that lady was really trying to raise the marriage rates.” 

“She wouldn’t have if you hadn’t been egging her on,” You assert, tone lowering in a faux sense of righteousness. 

“You had every opportunity to let go of my hand and you didn’t,” Hyunjin sassed, frowning as his mouth opened to let some of the good food in. 

“How did you even come up with the photobooth idea and the- wait, we didn't get anything green!” You grumble, looking at the lack of green with the severity of homicide. 

“We got something red, it’s fine,” Hyunjin laughs. 

“No but the note said-” 

“Forget the note, okay? It was a little fun and it was just an idea that I got from someone,” Hyunjin shrugs. 

“Oh who?” You cock your head. 

“Felix’s girlfriend,” Hyunjin adds, dipping the toothpick into another tteok greedily, missing the way your expression slightly changes for a fraction of a second. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Asked her for some ideas and she was so nosy about it too, asked if she knew you,” Hyunjin chewed, and pettily you made a note that he didn’t eat so pretty, “I said it was none of her business and she had a go at me.” 

“Had a go at you?” 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin nods, “I apologised, obviously.” 

You nod, silence filling the gap between you to a timescape that exceeds comfort. But Hyunjin, a dumb boy, of course suspects anything but the reason to be the problem. 

“If it bothers you so much I can go get something green,” Hyunjin offers, reading your face all wrong. 

You shake your head, unruly thoughts running amok between the two of you. The three of you. 

“Let’s just do the next one, what is it?” 

“Presents for each other.” 

You let it distract you and it does have a reasonable impact. You slowly but surely forget about what had transpired in the car. You had played with the idea of buying him something you’re pretty sure everybody likes generally but you couldn’t let the tin of water colour pencils out of your head. 

You picked it up, thumbing at the dips of the letters and the raised darkened lines that surround them, mouth puckered in thought. 

Sighing, you let the tin fall into the basket, buying the pencils with only a polite smile but overall a terrible mood. 

You sit at the meeting area first, mood sporadically increasing and decreasing in positivity all throughout, waiting for him to come meet you with a straight face, peering at the pencils indifferently. 

Indifferently. 

Easier said, harder to do when the guy you’re mad at with no right to, confidently strolls to meet you with a smile that lights up the world. So bright and kind and everything, you forget the reason you’re mad at him. He holds up the bag with a grin, and you hold back your bag. 

Surprisingly, when he sees you he can’t control his excitement, cupping your face in an attempt to withhold it, “Now…” 

You raise an eyebrow, “Now?” 

He furrows his eyebrows but his grin is too wide to hold any guilt, “I didn’t just buy it, okay. I thought about it. Carefully.” 

“What?” 

He pulls his bag around his frame, pulling the contents out in front of you, your eyes widening at the fucking camera he holds in front of you, “Woah, Hyunjin, huh? huh?” 

He smiles even wider than you thought was possible, his first impression completely dissipating the brighter it gets. 

“Hyunjin, I can’t- I can’t accept this,” You shake your head, making no attempts to grab it. 

“I told you, I picked it out carefully. You’ve got an eye for it but if you don’t want it you can give it to someone el-” 

“No but,” You dig your hands in your own bag to pull out the tin, “I brought you pencils… I even thought they were too expensive.” 

“And I love them,” Hyunjin fondly smiles at you, “Thank you.” 

So fucking sweet about it. 

“Here, you keep them both,” You decide, placing them back into your bag and holding them out to him. He reaches forward, picking at the present you got him, speeding into a fast walk and abandoning the expensive ass camera and its bag on the ground. 

“Hyunjin!” You exclaim, voice reaching a new octave you’ve never reached ever in your life. 

“Sorry, can’t hear you, if you don’t want it, just leave it there, I guess someone will accept my gift!”

“Hyunjin!”

Jeongin looks nothing like them, and you’re glad that the only thing you have left from that time of your life, the only thing you ever wanted from them is not tainted. He's lost a bit of weight in his face, and his features are a lot sharper than a couple of months ago. But he’s healthy. So incredibly healthy.

He’s smiling. 

Like he’s your baby again. 

“Noona,” His tone has a curl in it now, throaty in a way that puberty is caring for it by playing with it, nothing like the high tone he carried before, “I can’t accept this.” 

You smile, the similarities between you are bittersweet, “You can.” 

“I can’t. This looks expensive,” He observes, holding up the camera box to his eye level. 

“Don’t worry about that,” You huff, “It was a present.” 

“From Minho?” He asks, head tilting and you’re a little sad by it. 

“No.” 

He frowns, concern flashing in his eyes in a way it shouldn’t at seventeen, but one you’ve seen too many times from him to count, “You’re not doing anything stupid, are you noona?” 

“No,” You laugh, a cry caught in your cheeks, “No, I’m okay.” 

“Are you?” 

“Yes, Jeongin,” You laugh, “Ahh, look at you being all responsible for your older sister.” 

“You can’t stop me. You’re my sister, Y/N. Mine.” 

With tears in his eyes, you can’t help but join in, dragging him into your embrace, letting your whole body soak up the shit the two of you have gone through together. 

“Absolutely. Think about it as additions, Innie. Your parents. My parents. Felix…..Minho.” 

“But Minho-” 

“But nothing, they were the best fit for you, and I rather you be with people I know that are better than anywhere else.” 

“Well what about you?” He splutters, “How do you think I feel knowing you’re somewhere else? Why can’t we be together and you and Minho hyung can be-” 

Your face crumbles, your hands falling into his hair affectionately, “Because I know how much you love them and how much it would’ve hurt to leave them.” 

“But you were hurt as well-” 

“I know,” You nod, “But this is just the way it is now and my parents? They’re good people. Felix as well. You would like him.” 

“Felix.” 

“Felix.” 

“....Is he better than me?” 

“No. And you aren’t better than him either, Mister. But he’s my brother and yours too, if you like.” 

The sentence hangs between you like a bad smell. 

“No,” He shakes his head, “He’s just your brother and Minho is just mine.” 

“Jeongin…” 

“You love Minho,” His eyes implore into yours, holding your hands with a tight but not hurtful grip. There’s love in his hands and it’s a love you can trust. 

“I do….don’t I?” 

And the confusion on his face, breaks you all the same.

Hyunjin plated the pasta plentifully, generous with the serving. The mouth watering scent of garlic and oil with a hint of chilli and a bit of cheese for the cheese pull you'll be competing with him over later wafting throughout the room.

"I'll go put on a movie," You had said, leaving to choose a good movie from his collection of DVDs, humming thoughtfully and pleasantly.

Hyunjin seasons the pasta with a bit of salt and pepper, t after you with the pasta and smiling at the proud display in front of him.

While he had cooked, you were in charge of the table. You had put a spoon to twirl the pasta in and good fork and knives. You even found candles and an uneven number of red napkins.

The two of you sit across from each other, distracted by the conversation.

It's hard to say what you were talking about.

Neither of you can really remember. But you enjoyed it. You both did. You even talk a lot when you finish the meal, waiting for him to finish.

"There's a lot of chick flicks on the top of your DVD collection?" You trail off purposely.

"Ah, Felix's girlfriend. A couple of other girls. They like them and I enjoy them," He shrugs, "No big deal.'

"Oh," You nod, slightly quiet now before rising from your seat to start the clean up. Hyunjin, belatedly realising why and wanting to punch himself, "The girls or the movies?"

"The movies," Hyunjin pouts.

"Not both?" You sound jealous and petty and definitely not the girl you're supposed to be around him.

Hyunjin watches you with an open mouth, eyebrows furrowing when you wordlessly start to fill the wash basin with soapy detergent water. He stalks towards you with his mouth in a thin line, turning off the tap with a decisive motion.

You turn to him with your mouth all flat and your face all wrong.

"Hey," He says seriously, his hands cupping your face and he's so warm and gentle, "I'm really serious about you."

His thumbs circle the roundness of your cheeks, watching to see you realise how serious he is about you. Not just hearing him say it, but also understanding that whatever had happened with any girl before, happened. But that's over.

He's only interested in you now.

You leans forward to kiss you, his lips cushioning yours with a tinge of sweetness. Not being able to resist it, you squeeze at the fabric of his waist, bringing his body to you a little closer.

It's familiar. But it's not.

It could feel a little better than...

He pulls away, the two of you in some sort of daze. He smiles, his nose brushing and rubbing against yours almost playfully, letting himself giggle at how lame he is.

"You're cute jealous"

"I'm cuter when you're not flirting with my brother's girlfriend," You scowl, instantly pissed.

"I'm not," Hyunjin rolled his eyes, the two of you no longer wrapped up in some puppy loved up spell, now replaced with something darker.

"Hyunjin."

Hyunjin smiles, his tongue in the roof of his mouth, mimicking, "Hyunjin."

Your eyes zero in on his lips, swallowing at the way he traps you. His looming presence making your lower body crave him. You close your mouth, worried that anything you say may be paired with an unhealthy amount of drool.

"Jin-"

"You gonna give me a warning?” He raises his eyebrows, "Give me a warning. I obviously need it."

"Hyunjin," You growl.

He growls back with his gut, sounding a little too close to a moan. But he doesn't feel embarrassed, no. Something in him wants you to act on your jealousy and act in a way that'll have him buckle at the knee.

"Give it to me, baby," He croons.

You scowl, your hand wrapping around his neck. At his wince, you pull back, the cloud between you both dissolving.

He tsks disappointedly, a hand slipping to the nape of your neck and bringing you forward so you're right against his frame, "Maybe you just feel guilty."

"What would I feel guilty about?" You challenge, snorting. Head angled upwards to meet his eye.

"Because you know you have no room to stand on being jealous," Hyunjin tilts his head, "Yeah, I had girls before. But they're not here now, are they?"

"No?"

"No," He enunciates into your ear, just so you can hear him. Hear there's no hesitation. Hear there's no ounce of lie in what he's saying. Feel that he wants you, "No girls here. Ever. Felix's girlfriend included. That's your brother's girl. Not mine. Not now, not then, not ever.”

You don't say anything, hearing him hiss into your ear, his words and his voice heading straight to your core. The smell of his perfume spicy and so red. You can feel his heartbeat on your back, along your shoulders and wrapped in his arms, a heat.

A kind of heat that makes you uncontrollably charged, waiting for the perfect timing to attack.

"Understand?" He meets your eyes, blown the fuck out and he charges forward claiming your lips.

The scent he's wearing isn't just spice but the kind of musk that sets forth every kind of movement you're taking.

You feel at the way he traps your wrists with his tight grip against the bench, a slight hiss of pain against the waist of your back, soothed by the way his lips fall to your neck and fall down to your shoulders.

You push back, unable to withhold the need to lead him into the living room, the sexy sleek couch from your memory impossible to ignore.

He doesn't care.

Too enthralled by the way you taste under his tongue, the way your body moulds underneath his large hands like putty. The way control feels when you have it.

You kiss, a flurry of sounds that sound delicious and dirty and full of flesh.

He falls backwards, righting himself slightly as you slide over him, kissing him all over again. He uses his hands to pull your face closer to his, your tongues moving languidly before his hands fall to your waist, grinding your body against his.

You whine into the kiss, and he does it again, feeling your resolve crumble at the feeling of his hardening clothed cock against your pussy. The friction just right.

He lifts his pelvis upwards into your core, feeling the way you melt onto his body, letting yourself feel good. He's hard against your soft, and you wonder whether he can feel just how wet you are.

You plant your knees into the couch, rubbing yourself on him, feeling twitchy at the pleasure.

You mewl, listening to the way he grunts, holding your ass into him tightly, helping you slide against him.

Even through the layers of clothes the two of you are wearing, he makes you feel so good.

You make him feel so good.

The thought makes you scream, and whine and a rush of sounds that Hyunjin will commit to memory for the rest of his life.

He comes first, a slight grunt and groan escaping his mouth and his nails digging into the fabric of pants desperately, wanting to tear into it further with his teeth.

You follow after him, grinding desperately until you tighten your thighs around his frame.

"You're so cute coming like this," He comments with a tired smile, watching as you desperately chase after your orgasm as if it will run away from you.

Your core meets his pelvis harder and harder. Tightening and thrusting against him. He winces, overstimulated and throws his head back before his hands grip at your ass, helping you see the finale. Colours spill out of the two of you, rendering you blind and you have to rely on your muscle memory to find his mouth again.

You're kissing him the best you can, messily moving your lips against each other until the cloud that left you all hazy falls away completely.

He's beautiful, beads of sweat decorating his forehead and slicked in his hair. Eyes half lidded and ridden with the promise of sex and lust. Mouth swollen, pink and stamped with claim. Face pretty with your finger prints.

Skin deliciously begging to be decorated with your marks.

Kisses. Bites. Sucks.

The possibilities are endless.

Another cloud looms over you, darkly watching him like he's your prey. Dangerously waiting for the moment to pounce.

And he's nothing but a willing participant, teasing you with that sexy smirk of his.

You slide off him, lowering yourself off the couch and leaving a wet patch on his pants that has him momentarily captured, his hand falls into it to inspect it, circling his finger into the mess he made of you before tasting it.

It's when he feels you squeeze around the fabric of his pants by his waist, belt buckle clinking with the movement. You pause, staring at him, holding his attention and keeping it there just for a moment.

He exhales through his nose, feeling himself harden all over again. You're relentless, eyes swimming with lust, cloth bunched underneath your palm, ignoring his growing cock and taking his eyes as your own. He bites down of his lip restlessly.

You take pity on him, brazenly removing his pants and underwear from his waist all the way down to his calf at once. Instantly wrapping your hand around his shaft experimentally. You open your mouth to speak.

He swallows, waiting for you to speak the words you test within your mouth before you say them.

It's a game that he struggles in.

Every time you open your mouth, his focus has to be called upon. Analytically focused. Because as soon as he gets distracted, he's taken. Like a siren. Watching the way your lips form letters, and he's particularly drawn to the way you form the letters 'L', 'O' and 'U' specifically. How they would feel in the back of your throat with his cock in your mouth.

"You're mine now," You whisper, "Right?"

He inhales sharply, letting out a crass laugh, "Have been since you first kissed me-"

His smile is pretty, but the way it crumples is prettier. His eyes roll back at the feeling of your warm wet mouth around the tip of his cock, and the drag of your lips down his shaft all the way until he can feel those letters in the back of your throat.

He groans, loud and uncontrolled. Unable to help himself, his hands wrap around your head pushing you deeper. Feeling your breathing constrict slightly before he loosens his hold, letting oxygen rush back into your lungs as you lean back, cock removed with a pop.

"Naughty," You comment, hand wrapping tightly around him as punishment.

“Not gentle,” He corrects you, wincing at the stimulation shortly after, “Tried to warn yo- fuck."

If your kisses were dirty before, they're absolutely hellish now. The way your mouth fits on him, sucks at him. Feeling your cheeks hollow and his body twitch. Your tongue running across the nerves like some track athlete and feeling all control slip out of him.

He's a frantic mess trapped inside a frozen body that tenses, and exhales pleasure through tightly closed lips wanting to hear the way you gag around him.

He moans again, hands pulling at your hair to make a makeshift ponytail, watching the saliva dribble down your chin and then the way your eyes are cross faded.

Gorgeous.

"I'm going to come," He warns, pulling at the hold he has of you attempting to pull you off his cock to no success. You stay firmly where you are, breathing through your nose with a strong inhale and slow exhale.

He tenses and then you feel it, the thick spurts of cum that no doubt decorate that entirety of your insides by the end of the night will play in his head like no other. His mental wellbeing at risk.

You pull away with a massive grin on your face, wiping at your mouth like you've won the lottery and straddling his lap again, returning to your perch on top of him.

"You're crazy," Hyunjin chortles, thumb rubbing against your cheek fondly, and your lungs fill with pride.

His tongue dances around his cheek in thought, tapping at your skin and rubbing at your thigh, moving only if you give him a look. Voice out your wants and your needs to him like he needs you to.

He'll return the favour.

"If you want something, ask," You whisper, your tone innocent but the way you look at him at war with that image. The implication underneath the surface, preying on him, "Hmm?"

He likes to follow your words and he follows them unconsciously abiding.

"I want to lick the shit out of your pussy," He murmurs, in a trance. Mouth watering at the invitation that is sealed within your lips and hidden underneath cloth.

"Lick the shit out of my pussy?" You giggle.

"Yeah."

"How?" You muse, tilting your head, "Do you know where the clit is, baby?"

"You know I do," He growls back in challenge, teeth gritted at the idea. He knows you're winding him up but he plays into it.

"You want to prove it to me?" You smile, eyes lingering on his mouth.

"Absolutely."

No hesitation.

"You didn't answer my question before," You comment instead, purposely keeping your eyes trained on the wall behind him, "How will you lick the shit out of my pussy?"

"It's an answer that doesn't involve as many words as you're thinking..." Hyunjin smiles, "Just actions."

You like that answer.

You like it a lot.

Your pussy craves it, in fact.

"Let me show how I'll ruin other men for you," Hyunjin provokes in a daring manner and your mind briefly flashes before it returns to the moment.

"I hope not," You mutter under your breath, pausing to wait for any inclination that Hyunjin heard it. But all there is him correcting himself.

He looks at you then. With his eyes glittering like they're yours and mouth all claimed with bites and kisses. Possessiveness like a trap that hooks you in like a fatal flaw.

"Okay."

He doesn't smile, sliding himself out from underneath you, and your legs spread naturally open to accomodate him. Your eyes flutter shut briefly at the feeling of his soft hair tickling the skin of your inner thigh.

He kisses there.

Everywhere.

Below your navel, the ends of his hair reaching underneath your tits. The feeling filling you with sky blue air and mountain clouds, only to be grounded with the assertive kiss on your mound.

The force of pleasure from your core reaching out to him like old lovers.

His head is in between your thighs and he doesn't hold back. He's kissing you, moaning into you. Whining and the sounds he makes covers the sound of your squirming.

He clasps down on your thighs so hard they'll bruise the next morning, but for now all you can focus on is how easy he's making you come purely with his mouth.

He alternates between licking and sucking at your clit, the nerves surely spent but hungry in their need to be stimulated by him. You bunch his hair underneath your fist, feeling the power that people boast about online.

And then his tongue is in you. Thrusting in and out of you and you can see his whole body is involved in your pleasure.

It's the first time you've ever experienced it.

Tongue buried in your core like this. Wriggling around in there. It's not like cock, pleasurable but predictable. You know what that feels like.

You thought you knew what a tongue could do.

How a tongue could do.

But you realise quickly you don't, because Hyunjin's tongue makes you come in a minute and Hyunjin's tongue doesn't waste a single fucking moment to not only taste you, but to swallow you like you did him.

He pulls away, face covered in you and he's an absolute mess, you want to do things to him.

"Fuck you," You snarl, kissing him immediately. He tastes like you and you taste like him, the both of you mix together with your tongues and you can't find anything in you to dislike it.

Or pretend.

He kisses you harshly back, pulling at his pants hurriedly and you rush to remove your top and your bra from your body, his hand quickly replacing it.

You moan, loving the feeling of his hand. Sometimes his grip is soft and other times it's a bit harder, especially when he grounds against you, no longer restricted by clothing.

You lift your leg, as he lines himself up at your entrance, all to then watch as he sinks himself into you.

You squeeze your eyes shut.

Holy fuck.

Oh.

"Oh fuck," You breathe, feeling the delicious burn as his cock slowly drags along your walls. He feels so fucking good inside of you. More so than last time.

You don't know what changed.

Where you make all these curses of pleasure, Hyunjin is trying not to come on the spot. Your walls are warm and wet, swallowing him like your mouth but even better. Your words are in his ear and he thinks that maybe if he got you pregnant-

"You're so fucking good," Hyunjin hisses, hand grabbing desperately at your face now, clumsily grappling for a grip that won't hurt you but add to the pleasure the two of you are experiencing at this moment.

"Move, Hyunjin," You command and he's so good at following orders...

He thrusts into you, letting your moans fuel his fire. Letting the rivers of his heart fill with you, his brain changing its way for you with every single drive of his hips. Every time his skin slaps against yours, your hands in a stupor tensing and morphing in what he believes is art.

You're art.

His tongue prods at his cheek, art is something he hasn't thought about in a long time.

But you-

You.

He can't help but stare at you, the tears welling in your eyes and he focuses on that one angle. The one where your mouth drops, your throat exposed to him and a scream choked.

He snaps his hips, over and over again.

Feeling himself get to that moment too.

He really thinks this is love. And it should scare him, but it doesn't because he's never been more sure.

Art. You. The two aren't very separate, art is you. You are art. Hyunjin comes with you and when you look at him with eyes like you do, a softness. A reflection. Soul.

Poetry in a glance.

And yet when you speak, it's not so poetic, "I actually did want to watch the movie."

You cuddle into him, hair all static and messy. Threaded and dented with his fingers. Restarting the movie at once.

But he can't stop thinking about the poetry.

About the love.

His love.

It's you.

author's note : my my i have finally updated this bad boy and sorry it still took awhile. it's so long and editing was difficult so i apologise if there's mistakes, i'm just happy to finish. i hope you enjoyed it and it doesn't suck, i also hope it answered a few questions you might've had. this chapter was also supposed to be a lot longer but i decided that i wanted to upload a lot sooner and quite frankly the word count would've crashed my computer. so this insight chapter will get a part two <3 so hope you stick around for that.

[marsipain]

me and my sister are both Ninjago fangirls and we both LOVE your futuristic Ninjago AU art, especially her, she's actually using some as wallpapers right now. the brainrot is real and she is absolutely in love with it. her ideas based off your art are endless. thank you for it.

you have no idea how much this warmed my heart dude, ill never get used to people liking the cyberpunk au so much (its the closest to an original project ive ever posted tbh) and people like you make it all worth it <33

this also reminds me that i never shared my cyberpunk au playlists! So here u go :D

also gonna put which songs (from the main playlist) fit with what characters under the cut!

Lloyd: Ryder or Riot, Around the World/HBFS, 20 Percent Cooler

RGB Trio: Telephone - Electrolightz Remix, Punk Tactics

Kai: Faster

Nya: Shut Up And Drive

Nya/Pixal: Bad Girls

Harumi: Lovegame, 宵々古今

Harumi & Lloyd: ロキ

Lloyd & Morro & Harumi & Akita: Just Dance, LUVARATORRRRRY!, Heads Will Roll, コノヨ Loading…

Akita & Zane: Electric Fist

Nya & Pixal & Jay & Zane: Pump It

Jay: Into The Zone, Beat That

Skylor: Comme Des Garcons (Like The Boys)

Cole: Lights Down Low

And some other ones that arent really assigned to anybody !

[ranaissingle]

Coffee Or Tea pt. 4

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5

Summary: Reader and Austin spend the rest of their day together and grapple with the reality of their feelings (by grapple I mean they have very sweet sex to the point it makes me want to scream into my pillow) :/ Rating: M Pairings: Austin x AFAB!/Fem!reader Word Count: 2.4 k

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault and other sex stuff. I will mark where the smexy stuff starts and ends so the people who don't like that stuff won't be bothered A/N: Like last time I had this part ready yesterday but Lisa Marie's funeral was yesterday so it didn't feel right to post this so I waited a day. Enjoy!!

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

Austin and Y/N's legs were tangled together on the couch while they read their respective books; Austin drew circles on her knee with his fingers and Y/N fiddled with the creases on his pants. Y/N had never felt so relaxed in the company of someone else. The sunlight was streaming into the apartment and ricocheted off Austins honey spun locks. She hadn't flipped a page in ages. She couldn't take her eyes off him. It almost felt criminal to do so. He was so beautiful it seemed as though his face and body had been tirelessly sculpted by the gods themselves. Each dip and groove dealt with careful precision and the eye of a master. She didn't want to take her eyes off him.

Austin pulled his eyes away from the book he was pretending to be engrossed in. He had also been eyeing Y/N's small hands and supple legs. He felt like he needed to be touching her at all times. He had this suspicion that as soon as he let go of her she would disappear and he would be alone again. He didn't think he could go back to a life without her laugh, the crinkles around her eyes when she smiled, or her obsession with tea and all of its various flavors. He wanted to hold her. He wanted her curves under his hands and his head in her hair.

She wanted to hug him. She wanted her hands around him and her head around his neck. She put her book down in frustration because of her lack of ability to figure out how to smoothly ask of they could lay together.

Austin gathered his strength and spoke.

"Hey, uh it's a little chilly don't ya think?" He was hoping to lead this conversation in a certain direction.

Y/N's heart spasmed. The opportunity she needed had presented itself on a silver platter and she intended to take advantage of it.

"Y-yeah it is. Do you need a blanket or something?" Her voice was soft and breathy as she spoke and Austin could've jumped her right then and there.

"Nah I don't want you to get up over that, why don't we... why don't we just hug? I'm sure that'd keep us warm." His boyish grin and tilted head did wonders for Y/Ns heart.

"Yeah sure, let me just put my tea down." She couldn't contain the warmth that spread across her cheeks as she leaned over Austin to put her mug on the coffee table. When she turned back around to face him, she found his book on the table and his arms outstretched to invite her into his chest and neck. She slipped her arms under and around his chest while resting her forehead against his neck. The soft patter of his heart sped up the longer she held him. Austin was anything but relaxed. His arms wrapped around her should have done wonders to calm him down but combined with the fact that her hip was resting on a compromising part of his pelvis and her soft exhales landing directly in his neck did the exact opposite.

He slowly brought his hands up and around her waist with his palms stretched out over her back. His fingers traced the valleys of her shoulder blades and the dips of her spine. He felt her relax further into his chest as he tightened his arms further around her waist.

"Thank you for trusting me. I know that talking about past boyfriends mustn't have been easy, but I'm happy you felt like you could trust me." He whispered the words into her ear and kissed her forehead when he finished.

She picked up her head from his chest to look at his azure eyes, "Thank you for listening Austin. It's weird, but for some reason, I don't feel comfortable talking about it to anyone else. I guess you just make me feel more... safe? Yeah, safe is the right word." The blissed-out look on her face and her radiant eyes did wonders for Austin's heart.

She wanted to kiss him. She hadn't wanted to kiss anyone in so long but she wanted to kiss him. The feeling came over her like a tidal wave and suddenly all she could think of was the roughness of his hands on her arms and back and the pink lips that she was sure were just as velvety as they looked.

Austin saw her gaze shift lower on his face and knew that she was feeling the same things he was.

"Do it Y/N. Whatever you are thinking of doing do it." Austin was barely holding on to his sanity. His palms burned where they brushed over skin reassuringly.

Y/N couldn't breathe. Austin would need to help her to. She brought her face right over his and hovered over him. His gaze searched hers and kept looking in between both her eyes. She leaned in slowly and Austin couldn't breathe anymore either.

His lips were soft. So soft Y/N felt like she was kissing a marshmallow. He was sweet like a marshmallow too. The hand that previously rested on her back had moved up to cup her jaw in its palm and tangled fingers through her hair. Austin's breathy moan awakened feelings in Y/N she had never felt before. The beats of her heart echoed in her head when Austin licked the seam of her lips to ask for entry into her mouth. She parted them slightly and Austin probed her mouth questioningly. She opened her mouth further to grant him access and suddenly Austin was everywhere all at once. His hands were in her hair and on her waist, his legs caged hers in between his calves and thighs, and his chest and shoulders seemed to encase her in an embrace so warm she felt like she could die at that moment and have absolutely no regrets.

Austin's mouth and tongue kissed her with abandon. He had waited for what felt like an eternity to kiss her. He had felt his hands shake with the need to hold her over the months they had known each other, and now that he had her placed so perfectly in his arms and letting breathy moans and whimpers leave her lips, he felt so full. More full than he had ever felt in a relationship before.

Austin gave her one last soft, open-mouthed kiss, and drew himself off at her moan. She opened her eyes slowly and licked her swollen lips while she stared at him. Austin's hand crept lower to her round ass and he squeezed lightly. She whimpered softly and stifled her head in his neck.

(sappy/steamy sex starts here mdni)

"No one ever kissed me like that before." She brought her hand up and absentmindedly touched her lips and a small smile crept onto her face. Austin wanted to kiss them again. Austin lifted one hand from her waist and brought it up to hold her face while he whispered in her ear.

" I can do it again if ya want baby girl." Her answering whimper and shift of her hips rubbed against Austin's growing erection. A groan escaped his lips and he let his head fall over the side of the couch.

"You're gonna have to stop moving baby girl or else I might do something we are both gonna regret." His voice was strained and sounded like he was out of breath. Y/N tensed in his arms before eventually relaxing again. She pushed herself off his chest and put her mouth near his ear and whispered, "what if I want you to."

" Jesus baby girl," Austin took a deep breath to steady his words before he continued, "Tell me exactly what you want me to do." he hauled himself from laying down on the couch to sitting upright with Y/N in his lap and her knees settled right outside of his legs.

"I won't do anything until you tell me exactly what it is you want."

She wanted him so bad. Y/N was ready to throw all her morals out of the window when it came to Austin.

" I wa- I want you to t-touch me," she gripped his wrist in between her palm and brought it under her skirt; she was feeling bold all of a sudden, "I want you to touch me right h-here." Austin's hand was fully rested on her clothed pussy. He groaned when he felt the way her slick had wet her lace-lined panties.

"Say less baby girl."He ran his fingers up and down her clothed pussy and Y/N whined when the rough fabric of her panties moved over her clit. His large fingers applied the perfect amount of pressure on her most sensitive parts and her subsequent groans and pleas grew louder the more Austin rubbed. Y/N's head lolled back as she placed her hand on his shoulder to ground herself

Austin needed to feel her skin. He wanted his skin on hers. He wanted to know how her slick felt in between his fingers.

"Can I take off your panties beautiful? You're so wet I can practically taste it." Y/N panted at the question.

"Yes, please. I want you to touch me. Please Austin take them off."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop touching you at this rate. Your smell is addicting." He nestled his nose behind her nose as he spoke and took in her scent. She smelled like lavender and coconut. A heady blend that left Austin's senses with much to be desired.

Her head had come to rest on his shoulder. He hooked his fingers under her panties and dragged them down her legs slowly while he used his other hand to rub circles on the seam of her spine. When her panties were off, he pushed his fingers in between her slick folds and Y/N keened at the new sensation. Austins answering groan was loud and reverberated against where both of their chests were pressed together.

"Your intoxicating you know that? I could spend the rest of my life with my hands all over you and it would always never be enough. I dream of you baby girl, did you know that? Every time my head hits the pillow you occupy every nook and cranny of my brain. Your smile, your laugh, your smell, " he licked her neck and circled the rim of her entrance as he spoke. " I love how your hips sway when you walk, the way your dainty blouses and tops hug your boobs, and how those skirts you wear barely cover your ass over the tights you love to wear." His other hand crept up under her turtle neck and grazed the skin underneath.

“Aaah” Y/N mo

aned as Austin spoke. The brush of his thumb against her clit and the index finger teasing her entrance did wonders for the growing feeling in her stomach. 

“Do you like it, baby girl? Do you like the way my hands feel against your pussy?”

Y/N nodded frantically as more obscene noises fell from her lips. She had never felt this way before. Never in her life had a man been so gentle and rough at the same time. 

“Can I put my finger in your tight pussy baby? I can make you feel so good if you’ll let me.”

Y/N nodded her head frantically. She couldn't utter a single word let alone a full scentence to answer him. The feeling of the tip of his finger crowning her entrance sent her into a frenzy. 

“Your so tight baby girl, I'm gonna need ya to relax if I'm ever gonna get my finger inside of you darlin’.” Y/N took in a deep breath before relaxing her muscles to allow Austin entrance into her.

“Just like that baby girl, you are doing so well. You're so tight I know your gonna squeeze

my cock in the best way.” Austin groaned as he dipped his finger deeper into her. 

Y/N’s vision was becoming distorted. She couldn't tell up from down nor where her body ended and Austins began. His fingers worked deeper into her until they found the spot that made her hips jump.

“Ah, Aus-Austin right there. it -It feels so good there. Unh!” Her breathing quickened and her hips started grinding over Austin's palm. He was impossibly hard in his pants and he would have given anything to have his cock replace his finger. 

“That’s it, baby girl, you're close huh? I can feel it. You're clenching around my fingers so well.”

Her head lolled back into his neck as the heat began to pool in her stomach. 

“Imagine what it would feel like if my cock was inside of you? I could stretch you so much better with it. I could hit that special spot over and over again until you came just from that.”

Y/N saw black spots in her vision as she called out for Austin.

“Austin I feel anh! I feel weird.” She looked into his eyes as tears began to crest in her eyes. 

“I know baby girl you're about to cum. Don’t stop it just let it wash over you.” His fingers were working the spongy spot within her and her clit all at once and Y/N felt like she might cease to exist.  

Her whimpers and moans grew and grew until she felt the wave crash over her. It was wave after wave of pleasure each one more powerful and all-consuming than the last. She spasmed in Austin's lap as she came down from her high with his arms wrapped tightly around her her head tucked into his neck.

When she eventually came to, she looks down and saw Austin's sizeable erection straining against his pants. Y/N felt her cheeks warm as she shifted her eyes away and back up to his face. 

“Um, do you- do you want me to take care of that?”

Austin’s boisterous laugh startled her; but after she got over her confusion, she laughed with him.

“I’m alright baby girl,” he hugged her tighter to reiterate his point, “Tonight was all about you. I wanted to make you feel good I can wait until next time. Then I'll have all the time in the world to consume you.” He pulled her in for a passionate kiss and Y/N could practically taste the promise on his tongue. 

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●●・○・●・○

I have never been so embarrassed writing anything in my entire life. I quite literally had to write this whilst under the covers of my bed because I could not stomach doing it while sitting at my desk. Don't @ me if the positions they are in don't make any sense I have no one to test them out on haha. I am most certainly going to hell for this so I hope it was worth it lol. I hope you enjoyed it.

[sangyeonsmuse]

CONSUME Choi Chanhee

PAIRING Choi Chanhee x Fem Ghoul

WORD COUNT | 1k

GENRE Tokyo Ghoul au, Innocent crush

SUMMARY Chanhees innocent little crush is turned sinister, his date decides to sink her teeth into him.

*This short comes straight outta Tokyo Ghoul*

“You can take my flesh if you want it girl but baby dont abuse it”

“these voices in my head screaming run now, i'm praying that theyre human.”

He had always watched from across the cafe, and although he would never say anything to her he found himself incaptivated by her. Little did he know that she was well aware of all the times he had watched her, and it was exactly what she wanted. He was cute indeed but his flesh looked all the more desirable to her.

One day he seemed to have built up the courage to talk to her, having been hyped up by his chestnut haired friend from behind the counter. Younghoon shot him a thumbs up from the register as he watched his friend nervously approach her table. While giving her her usual order he slipped in a note amongst a few extra sweets unexpectedly earning a smile from the girl, with that same smile on her face she searched for him until her eyes met his and she responds to his note with a nod

"Would you like to hang out sometime?'' the note read

Truth be told Chanhee had spotted the occasional book that she would take into the cafe with her and thought it to be a great idea to take her out to a book cafe.

When night time had arrived he found himself nervous as he approached near the old run down subway station. To his surprise she had already been there waiting for him in her beige petticoat and teddybear bag thrown over her shoulder. Once she spotted him she peeked through her red locks and granted him a smile. For a moment the two stood there in silence, unaware of what to say to one another until she finally turned to him with a nervous look on her face.

"Chanhee can I be honest?'' she gazed up at him with curious eyes that made his heart simply explode. At her words he gave a simple nod, afraid that if he spoke it would come out as some sort of alien language.

"The truth is I noticed you, the way you were looking at me.'' She inched closer to him and Chanhee immediately froze in his place as she rested her head against his chest. Was this really happening?

"Then- then that means you..you too were?'' before he could finish his sentence she giggled and pulled him close to herself by the collar of his jacket.

"Yes, I too was interested.'' at her words he felt like his heart would fall out of his chest at any moment, but his happiness was short live once he heard the sound of bones cracking and watched blood splatter as two daggerlike tentacles sprung from her backside. Before he could react she had chuckled and her eyes changed to a dark ruby as she bit into his shoulder, he stood there and said nothing as she pulled back from him with blood covered lips.

"Ah, so delicious.'' she smiled out of pure bliss and he stumbled back dropping every book and bag which he had once held in his hands. Smiling as she picked up the blood coverd book she looked at him.

"Channie there's something i've found i like a little bit more than reading, its watching my pray cry and scream for mercy as I take every bit of their delicious flesh for my own." her eyes glazed over with a manic daze as she gazed down at he who was now on the ground clutching his shoulder.

"That expression on your face is so fantastic..mmm" she licked her lips as she watched him scramble to get to his feet.

"Would you let me thrill myself even more? Show me more of that.'' She immediately went to a manic fit of laughter as her once red orbs changed to an emotionless black and two more tentacles sprung from her back.

"Fuck, no way no way no way no way.'' scrambling to his feet he ran back into the direction from which he had came only to be stopped dead in his tracks as one of her tendons wrapped around his legs and dragged him back before yanking him into the air.

"I love it even more when they run.'' she moans out without hesitation she threw him into a wall on the other side of the tracks and he groans upon the impact before going limp.

"Uh oh...did you die? That's such a shame I really like you...I wanted to play a bit more..'' she huffs before reaching down to touch his face.

"Although it's a pity youre dead so soon you look so delicious to eat. Nice and soft, so easy to eat.'' before she could plunge her teeth into him once more her eyes widened as the old bullet train came speeding past the tracks crushing her and taking her along with it. The only remnants of the ghoul being the blood splatter and bite marks that decorated Chanhees body.

The boy was fully unaware that although the ghouls physicality had now been gone, with one bite she had already latched herself onto him and he too would soon combat with the sufferings of becoming one of them.

Please understand that I'm trying my hardest

My head's a mess but I'm trying regardless

Anxiety is one hell of a problem

She's latching onto me, I can't resolve it

It's not right, it's not fair

Don't run, don't run

[nearestend]

assigning fragrances to my (canon) muses. for funsies because it's my favourite activity ever, also utilizing my favourite website of all time, wikiparfum. continue reading if you'd like to see me infodump about perfumes. this is completely unnecessary. like many other things on my blog, none of this really matters, but it matters to me.

if you would also like an unnecessary perfume analysis for your muse, go ahead and give this post a like and i will get back to you with a customized presentation.

amanda: i highly doubt mandy is wearing scents at all, i don't think she cares for that. but i'm giving her one anyways because i can. (it was extremely hard to find one i felt suited her though.) inexcusable evil by toskovat. now, i have never actually smelled anything from this brand and i think their bottle design and logo both kind of suck, but based off the description of the fragrance, this might be mandy's. the descriptions i found for this on both wikiparfum and the brand's website are WILD. one of the top notes is gunpowder. heart notes include burn accord, iodine, and blood accord (LMAO???). i mean, i did purposely look for one that has blood accord, but i didn't expect to find any because that's not like, a popular scent. and then base notes are actually normal things like olibanum and sandalwood. also has cypriol, which gives a smoky, woodsy scent, which is the vibe i wanted for her too.

amy: this was also quite hard because amy is most definitely picky. she'd go for something very elegant and classy that is out of her price range, but she saved up all her money for. yellow hibiscus by jo malone is probably her style, which i also love because jo malone makes some of my favourites. it's very femme, but technically unisex, which i think is neat because i could also see laurie wearing it to. (i can see them sharing the same fragrance. they're that kind of couple.) it's very green and floral (hibiscus, rose, jasmine) and quite citrus forward. most importantly, lime! for the most obvious reasons of all (amy canonically loves limes). it's a really bright, fresh, sunny, and radiant scent, all very fitting for her. also my backup option for amy was bergamot by malin & goetz, but yellow hibiscus is way more fitting. i also considered going with something from the brand fragonard because that's a personal favourite of mine (i was gifted a set of them once and they are very nice), but couldn't decide on one in particular.

cameron: yes, i know the best we'll probably get from cam is that she puts on deodorant. i'm still giving her one anyways, because that's the whole point of this post. not going to bother with trying to find era accurate fragrances though, that's too much work for me. i really want to give her spacewalk by demeter fragrance library, both because it's cheap (cam is not spending more than $45, guaranteed) and because it's inspired by space! which according to an astronaut, smells metallic. (shoutout to the spacebike chronicles.) i do feel the need to include a high end option anyways, so odeur 53 by commes des garcons. it's got ozonic notes, which give it airy, metallic, and aquatic elements, as well as chlorine undertones.

camille: okay so i'm realizing that very few of my muses would wear perfume. i mean, camille is simply too depressed to bother, but again, this is not going to stop me. i decided on black vetyver cafe by jo malone. definitely something she would never buy for herself, but maybe she would wear if someone gave it to her. this one's got coffee, which i think she would like because coffee is her favourite ice cream flavour. there's also coriander, which makes it a bit sharper and peppery, while also green and fresh. warm notes of sandalwood, nutmeg, vanilla, ciste labdanum and woody vetiver. overall, very earthy and autumnal.

connell: he probably starts with something inexpensive from banana republic (either classic green or classic acqua). he's a simple dude, mostly just wants to smell fresh. if i'm going to give him something fancier (we can always say marianne got him a christmas present or WHATEVER), then i'm giving him skin by clean reserve. it's described as tender and intimate, with notes of honeysuckle, orange blossom, musk, and skin accord (which is basically just their way of saying it smells like an intimate embrace). it's all about intimacy, babeyyy.

harry: i have to give him rainbow bar by 19-69, for so many reasons. it's not just the name (and you know, the gayness of it all), but that's a huge factor. the fragrance is inspired by the rainbow bar on the sunset strip, which is pretty synonymous with sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. harry's role in adam's story is very much a representation of desire, intrigue, and the seductive nature of all the aforementioned elements. there's a warmth to this scent that's both comforting and mysterious. i really wanted to find something with notes of whiskey (taking into context, not only harry's introduction, but also his death), so this really fits perfectly. this might be the most "character accurate" choice on the whole list.

jess: i'm not even going to bother giving him something fancy because it feels wrong. smoky and earthy palo santo play by hawthorne is like $50 and that's literally like the maximum i can see him spending lmao. it's got notes of oakwood, sage, palo santo, and guaiac wood. very earthy and smoky, hints of tobacco and whiskey. because you know that boy smells like cigarettes and old leather and pretentiousness, but like, in a cheap way.

jia-yi: i chose fresh honeysuckle by fresh, despite the fact that it's discontinued, because fuck it, she can time travel anyways so that doesn't matter. honeysuckle also happens to symbolize nostalgia and memory, which is fitting. there's additional notes of fruit (peach, plum, blackcurrant bud) and florals (cyclamen, magnolia, ylang-ylang). honestly, i'm just kind of hung up on the fact that it's discontinued because this scent was SO good.

kate: there are so many options i wanted to go for with kate, but i think i have settled on realist extrait de parfum by ilk. it's categorized as being both a woodsy and a watery scent, which is primarily what i was looking for with kate in mind. (because like, weather and rain, you know.) it's got a bit of floral (rose, everlasting), a bit of citrus (yuzu, bergamot, lemon), wood (cedarwood, vetiver, olibanum), with the warmth of amber and pepper. it's described with concepts such as crisp mountain air and rain, appropriate for everyday and casual use. she's not formal or fancy and would want something nice, but versatile.

orla: she's a footballer, so i have to go with something athletic. i'm not like a huge fan of most "luxury sport" fragrances and like yeah, it's not about me anyways, but i don't think orla would be either. she's not someone who would care much about that even if she had the means to, so we're going with something pretty simple and affordable like team five by adidas. technically, it's for men, but she also does not care about gender. it's very fresh, fruity (green apple, lemon), and herbal (basil, pine needles, peppermint, clary sage, lavender) which i think are all scents she'd like. absolutely none of these words mean anything to her; she likes what she likes and doesn't overthink its meaning or importance. her other choice was hot wheels dino by jequiti, which she would 100% buy with no trace of irony whatsoever.

sydney: i felt the need to pick something with cherry notes because of course, the cherry donut that marcus named after her. 18-12 by ormaie is just that, as well as notes of almond, sandalwood, florals (rose, violet, heliotrope), fruit (lychee, bergamot, mandarin) and clary sage. it's quite fresh, youthful, and summery. i like her having sort of a fun and bright scent because her job is just so stressful and sometimes depressing, she needs something to uplift and contrast against all that.

[grox]

I was on the phone

Yeah w eugene krabby

Commes des garcons

Hearts all on my patty

[supereuroflash]

Eurobeat mixtapes: Personal favorites - Eurobeat Flash 1

Francis Cooper - All the Day

Lucky Boy - I Need Your Love

Jenny Kee - Time (Remix '95)

Rose - Mister Right

E.C. James - I Feel Love

Dolly - Fly Up in the Sky

Michelle Rose - Baby Come Back to Me

Virgin - S.O.S.

Pamela - Hoky Toky

Baby Gold - Too Late for You

Ciao Ciao - Running Over the Night

Garcon - Batman is Bruce Wayne

E.C. James - One Night in Rio

Les Blue Bells - Let's Feel the Night

Lady Energy - Call Me Manuelle

Lisa Johnson - Paradise

Baby Gold - You Catch My Broken Heart

Cy-Ro - I Want Your Fire

Dolly Pop - Black Vampire

Les Blue Belles - Telephone

Nikita Jr. - Dancing in the Jungle (Samantha's Extended Mix)

Jee Bee - Wings of Fire

Ken Martin - Virtual Love (Factory Team Remix)

Black Eva - Sex and Fever

Rose - Celebrate

Stop Limit Line - Crazy for You

Joe Banana - Virtual Reaction

[rllymiraculous]

My new fic called band of hearts is out now! New chapters are out every Sunday & Wednesday! Apart of the @mlbigbang

[fuckyeahfightlock]

music asks, yayyy! 1. what is your favourite song of all time? 8. what do you think is the best song to play during sexy times? 11. what is the best live music show you've ever been to? 13. what's an album cover that you would frame and put up in your house? 21. what is the best album of all time?

I hope you have a wonderful day <3

Don't make me choose!!!! Can anyone answer this? I doubt it. Gun to my head. . .How Soon is Now? by The Smiths.

8. God, who remembers? I think i used to like Horror Head by Curve.

11. Oh. so many memorable wonderful ones. This has to be a tie between my two three most important Morrissey gigs. The first time I saw him in late 1996 I just sobbed and sobbed, it was so important to me to see that real live person 20 feet away from me singing to my heart. The gig on 07/07/07, the first time I was in the front row and got to hold his hand and tell him I love him; I remember he came onstage in a cloud of his churchy perfume (Incense d'Avignon by commes de garcons) dressed in a black tuxedo and his eyes were so so blue. Finally a gig in fall of 2007, front row again, held his hand, talked on the mic, gave him a book, and jumped on the stage (2.12; he cowered away from me because I was just too much woman for him. . .gods, I was so young and lovely)

13.

21. The best album of all time is The Who's Tommy.

[beefthroat]

based off an image from the comme des garcons fashion magazine SIX. 0015.jpg | Comme des Garcons: SIX Number 6 (archivepdf.net) i'm unsure of the original artist. my boyfriend got a nosebleed while i was painting this and we used some of his blood for the blood coming out of the cow's arms haha i did edit a heart over the dick for tumblr

[campingbagandstuff]

.22/9.33 {Part 2 of 12}; 15

S11.15

…

party 4 u, 1999, (ft. Iggy Azalea )fancy, Zheani lulu, lava, Rina Sawayama xs, comme des garcons, Bassnectar future, dota, The Noisettes love power, that girl, cheap kicks, never forget you, don't upset the rhythm (go baby go), contact, winner Shingai coming home, rihanna U da one, rude boy, who's that chick, nicki minaj { ft. david guetta, drake turn me on, moment 4 life}, seal kissed by a rose, michael jackson billie jean, they don't care about us, {ft. Janet Jackson}scream, remember the time, the way you make me feel, [ft. Justin Timberlake love never felt so good] miley cyrus 7 things, can't be tamed, stevie nicks edge of seventeen PartyBlock on DeviantArt "wcbpr" [just in case: other radio than 88.9 is 90.3 https://www.ampcalgary.com/ 90.9 https://onlineradiobox.com/ca/cjsw/?cs=ca.cjsi&played=1 & 98.5 https://www.iheartradio.ca/virginradio/calgary]

SES paradise, {line 5}, SISTAR loving U, shake it, SISTAR19 ma boy, Red velvet dumb dumb, red flavor, russian roulette, peeka- boo, System of a Down aerials, sad statue of liberty, violent pornography, IEAIAIO, revenga, cigaro, * AAF these days, summer, calico, movies, attitude, courage, around the block, {line 16}, Fat Joe (ft. Ashanti) what's luv?,rock wit u Ja rule* ft. " always on time, " only U DMX ruff ryders anthem, Coolio gangsta paradise (ft. L.V.), ll cool j deepest bluest (shark's fin), {line 18; 13}, Justin Timberlake cry me a river, rock your body, (Ciara Dance Like We're Making Love, level up) ft. " love sex magic, TKO, TI ft. " dead & gone, mirrors, like i love you, my love, Madonna ft. "… 4 minutes, JLo ft lil wayne i'm into you, " ft. *** I'm real, papi, love don't cost a thing, get right, waiting for tonight, jenny from the block, " ft. pitbull dance again, {line 14}, FLESH I come from salem, alyssa reid satisfaction guaranteed, katy perry part of me, wide awake, hot n cold, last friday night (TGIF), teenage dream, california girls, cascada heaven, the killers when you were young, waking up in vegas, ur so gay, mini viva one touch, i wish, left my heart in tokyo, kings of leon use somebody, limp bizkit break stuff, my generation, my way, rearranged, behind blue eyes, take a look around, eat you alive, boiler, nookie, eight seconds kiss you when it's dangerous, brandy afrodisiac, the boy is mine, keyshia cole heaven sent, christina milian dip it low, aaliyah rock the boat, miss you, try again, we need a resolution ft. timbaland, M.I.A. ft " come around, {line 2*2}, afrojack (ft. Eva Simons) take over control, dj snake, lil jon turn down for what, dillon francis, " get low, rudenko everybody, ashley tisdale he said she said, the sugarcubes birthday, {line 6}, porcelain black this is what rock n roll looks like, infected rain orphan soul, aesthetic perfection, love like lies, no boys allowed, antibody, big bad wolf, never enough, new black, ebb and flow, rhythm takes control, " ft. Nyxx LAX, " nightmare, diabolical, voodoo, moby j breas, god moving over the face of the waters, soulja boy nene, evanescence tourniquet, globe perfume of love, Sinéad O'Connor nothing compares 2 U, last dinner party, ayu independent, for my dear, depend on you, monochrome, bleachers alma mater, MGMT bubblegum dog, bahamas I’m still,

Fefe Dobson recharge my heart, stuttering, revolution song, bye bye boyfriend, rock it til you drop it,

[sakurasparadisio]

Red Flags Are Attractive

And I'm tired of pretending they're not. Sometimes I like to tell people that "All green flags is a red flag." Now, in this day and age I know this couldn't possibly be all that subversive. Humanity loves a tragedy. We read Shakespeare. We read Charles Bukowski. We watch Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones. Masochism and sadism are in our bones. Love hurts, then it heals, and we are in love with it.

Of course, I would never willingly and knowingly let someone break my heart. There's the rub: many of us wouldn't. So, we look for green flags. We set boundaries, make rules, go to therapy, and when finally the time comes to make a decision for what we want, we don't; the decision is made for us. We ditch the "nice" guy or girl and fall in love with the "bad" guy or girl. Later, alone, wrecked by our own failure, holding the many shards of our own heart we ask ourselves, "What the fuck is wrong is me?"

So what is it? Is it trauma? Am I just dumb? Am I in some fucking simulation? Why do I keep doing this to myself?

If we take a closer look at this pain, we can parse out two categories: pain inflicted knowingly and pain inflicted unknowingly. And look closer: these taste undoubtedly different....

Let me tell you a short parable. There once was a rich man who thought he had tasted every delicious food on Earth. He had been to all the best and most expensive restaurants many times over, and he was beginning to desire something new. Some time later it came to his attention that a new and exotic restaurant had opened up, supposedly different from any he had been to before. Naturally he was excited. He went to the restaurant, and there the garcon informed him that they would serve him two meals, one blindfolded and one not. Everything on the menu worked in this way, therefore the names and descriptions of the items were purposely vague. One item was called Love, another Pain, another Heartbreak, and so on. He picked Love, not knowing what he would get, and awaited anxiously. Later the garcon returned with a blindfold, told him the first meal was ready, and blindfolded him before they brought it to his table. Despite his initial anxiety, he enjoyed the first meal. Shortly after came the second meal, which he could see. He enjoyed that too. What an interesting experience, he thought, and gave his compliments to the restaurant. Still, he wanted to know what he had eaten during the first meal, so he asked the garcon. "The first meal was the same as the second meal," the garcon answered. The rich man was shocked. "That can't be," he said, "They tasted completely different!" With a smile, the garcon assured him they were the same. The rich man returned many times and eventually tasted everything on the menu.

Now let's return to you (or me) again, alone and broken-hearted somewhere, asking why? Consider that that may not be the best question. Consider the better question: What if I took the blindfold off...and tasted it again?

[lilacfugue]

Soft fangs, ample void.

Stopped at the front door of the cafe today. There was a cat with a bloated tummy, its bowl ample with distinguishable smell of cat nips. The feeling of it sent bliss to my system. For once, again, I saw the humans, in mercy bath.  Walked in with my serendipity, the bell hang loose on the door jingled. The room smelled like a coffee and faint cigarette smoke. They coalesced to make a different form of halcyon. Stifling my melancholy, I admired the beauty of the cafe, and the palpable smell of roasted beans. I feel thankful for this luxury, and ordered my cup of rich chocolate and drench into a galvanized picture of chocolate slaps. The underground New York vibe room has walls pasted full of fine translucent sketches and posters of Venus and beautiful ebony haired Hedy. Lasted for an hour, I went back, sore throated and brain filled with crap quotes of today. And the frailty went for weeks, ten days, long hours, I bath in mad honey and distressed, low blood pressure ample for a faint survival. Mornings lost and gone by, drawings left undrawn, writings paused with bittersweet nothings. The burn on the curve of my neck hurt like hell, I caressed it and went out for a movie with him; and illness remain like a human chain, perilous and contagious as ever, in my head forms pictures of starving, thirsty pictures/ of me, jeopardized like never before,  I say s'il te plait, garcon. Come take my hand, I'll follow.

Being in that yellow colored room, the four walls reflected a square breath of my selfish frailty. I shook to the size of my cries, in the great big void of my life. Morning sickness and repeating nights of insomnia and bated breaths. I burrowed into my bed, crying and swelling up like a distressed balloon being blown and released, violently. I buried my nails into the heart of his palm, the memory of his debonair smile and messy hair that I fondled like how I fondle my burnt scar, so gentle. There it remain there, forever in my brain, a little too strong to handle. But I'm holding on to your soft fangs, sleepy eyes.

Tuesday 4 April 2017