#MY FACIAL ANATOMY WAS SO BAD. EW

[ars-ceratinus]

I Accidentally redrew her exactly 3 years to the DAY HELP ⚰️⚰️⚰️

[ilikethemwings]

Intro: “welcome to Interview with the Vampire”, the movie about the saddest vampires in the world

Amanda: already snorting

Welcome to: Erin and @deityofdeception watch Interview with the Vampire (her first time)

I’m so excited

Amanda: *looks at Anne Rice*: “she looks like she would write this book”

*Antonio appears onscreen* me: “I love him so much”

A: “why are we in San Francisco? Me: “..... that’s where he lives?” A: “but I thought. okay. I’m just gonna go with it”

me explaining why it’s the 90s:

“it’s...

the interview....

with the vampire”

*looking at interviewer* A: “hm. he’s gonna get murdered.”

“told ya he’s gonna get murdered” (he has not been murdered)

A: “that’s how they show he moves fast? using a whiplash sound?”

A: “uck, they did the thing. with the hands.” (talking about their bad nails)

Louis talking, Amanda *quietly*: “Oh please”

once again: “he’s gonna kill him”

Louis: “I couldn’t bear the pain of their loss” A: “So I hung out in a graveyard”

A: “I feel very defeated” Me: “Why?!” A: *offers no explanation*

A: *faking incredulity* is that Lestat?

A: “there’s no way that’s not Lestat”

*whore drops to her knees* A: Oh! *pushes hands to cheeks*

Lestat pulls Louis into the air, A: “what? this is very homoerotic. also why are they flying”

A: “wait, you said he had to drink the other guy’s blood” me: “he’s not turnt yet!”

A: “uck. what a drama boy.” (I forget which one this was about)

general facial expression: dismayed skepticism

Me: “they love the light but they can’t be in it anymore” A: “kay. that’s kind of sad I guess”

A: “there’s nothing about this that is not homoerotic”

A:“he just wanted a vampire boyfriend that’s literally it”

me: “he’s so gross. he bleeds all over his lace.”

A: “good makeup though.”

A: “he’s secreting. just not, on screen.”

*angel statue opens eyes* A: “ooh, ooh, don’t like that”

A: *about Louis*: “Don’t be so dramatic, this is stupid!”

me, @ Lestat: “Gross. brush your teeth.”

A: “ew, no, that is entirely too much tongue.” Me: “I don’t think it’s the tongue we’re worried about.”

insert snapchat video i sent to @branchlikeatree

A: “was he squeezing the rat? that’s not! that’s not how anatomy works! i don’t know, maybe for a rat it is”

Lestat: read her thoughts, Amanda: what? , Lestat: read her thoughts, A: *sighs*

A: “oh there’s that stupid thumb thing again”

A: “why did she kiss his nose??” 

A: *poodle dies* What?! *hides in blanket*

A: “oh, look at that flyline”

A: “what an ASShole”

Lestat: “life without me would be even more unbearable”, Amanda: “yeah, i stand by my statement”

“the nails!”

A: “is he gonna murder all of them? he’s gonna murder all of them”

A: “uck, those sleeves! honestly it’s a miracle he doesn’t set himself on fire on this scene”

A: *about Lestat* ooh, he mad, me: *chokes on donut*

sorry, multiple minutes of snapchat videos

“there’s no movie that’s too serious for bloopers”

A: “oh look at all those rats, capri suns..... oh no, I was kidding!”

A: “why is he walking like he’s injured?” Me: “because his heart hurts” “oh...okay”

A: “so they’re her dads”

A: “he has a gif-- hnnnnn the gift is the kid”

more snapchat videos, general dismay

Me, about Lestat/Tom Cruise: “I love... his hands. I really like... his hands.” A: “it’s a Good Look”

A: “she handled that a lot better than Louis did” A: “well Louis is a big baby”

A: “he makes a good dad but that was super manipulative” Me: “hhheee’s a bad person, amanda”

A: “that’s why he made you too, he wanted a boyfriend” “he... wanted a boyfriend?” “........yes” (post-movie: Still confused. She’s not explaining herself well)

A: “oh he’s so proud. he’s so proud of his little, murder child”

A: “character development! not for the better, but okay!”

A: “mercy kill!” Me: “What?” A: “this is leading to nothing but a mercy kill!” *me snorting*

A: “oh no is lestat gonna kill her???” insert me snorting more

A: *sees dead body in Claudia’s bed* “UH”

A: “Her hair’s never gonna grow back is it”

lmao

vaguely serious scenes, Amanda: “I’m mad I’m having feelings”

A: *Claudia runs off* “is she never seen again?” me: “... no” A: “wait, are you saying that she’s never seen again or that she’s seen again with skunk boy” SKUNK BOY

A: “oh there she is”

A: “are they gonna burn another house down?” me: *snorts again*

Lestat playing piano, Amanda: “I fully expected journey to start playing”

Lestat: “we forgive each other then?” Amanda: “aw”

Lestat: *actively bleeding out* me: “he’s fine”

*putting Lestat’s body in the swamp* Amanda: ew, ew, ew, ew, ew

A: “what, no, crocodiles? what the hell is going on?”

me, matter-of-factly: “they’re alligators”

A: “hnnn does Armand live in the swamp? (he should)

A: “I mean, is Lestat actually dead? Me: “I mean, did he look alive to you?” A: “no, but I don’t trust him”

A: “ope, there he is. I told you he wasn’t dead”

A: “do they light him on fire?” Me: “Louis does have a penchant for lighting things on fire” A: “I noticed”

Me: “sounds like the intro to a muse song” A: “it does”

A: *sarcastically*: “oh poor baby, you had to drink the blood of animals” A: “yeah like reptiles” A: *higher pitched* “he looks like the cRyPt KeEpEr!” (Amanda later explained this is from Freaky Friday)

A: “they lit him on fire! I told you they were gonna light him on fire!”

*Lestat, on fire, crawling on the ceiling* Amanda: “oh shut up, drama baby, you’re fine”

A: *uncertainly* “He’s not dead. *more insistently* He’s not dead!”

ME: “it’s like RENT, everyone is a terrible person but they kind of have a point”

A: “if i was one of the theatre vampires (she is) I think I would hate Lestat” Me: “oh yeah no, Armand detests Lestat”

PART 2 GO

“I had to like, psych myself up” (she later admits she was worried that Lestat wouldn’t be involved. She is in love)

me: “lookit him in that fur coat” A: “okay, Lestat rubbed off on you, buddy.”

A: *about Louis and Claudia* “are they like, in weird vampire love?” “...no”

Me: “I wonder how they did this [Santiago under the bridge], probably a camera on the ceiling” Amanda (at the same time): “he’s an actual vampire”

Santiago: “each one of you my clammy hands must touch”  Amanda: “don’t like that”

*Armand appears* Amanda, who didn’t see him rise from the background: “oh, shut up”

A: “why are his eyes red? this isn’t Twilight” Me: “they’re gold, so it is twilight” A *whiny, indignant*: “nuh UH! Because in Twilight--” *woman runs to Armand* “--aw”

A: *vampire play ends* “is no one gonna talk about this?”

Me, bitterly, about Armand: “He is NOT redeemable”

Also me, three seconds later: “I love him”

*Armand runs his fingers through fire* A: “Oh” (mood)

A: “I don’t know what you’re complaining about, his wig is fine” me, indignant: “okay, no, they should have given him a shorter ponytail with a ribbon. If he turned into his most beautiful form [originally], that ain’t it”

*shot of Armand and Louis two inches apart* A: “KISS!”

*Armand leaning up on the pillar like he hasn’t been there for the last four hours* me: he looks sO GoOd

me, rapidly: “my hair doesn’t look like his anymore so I’m free. I’m free!”

A: “so is Lestat like, actually dead?” Me, eyebrows raised: “Seems like it!”

A: “is Lestat about to like, rip everybody to shreds? because that’s what I want to happen”

*Louis, trapped in the coffin in the wall* A: “LoUiS!”

A: “He can PERISH! I’M MAD! Like actually mad!”

A @ Louis: “are you setting ANOTHER HOUSE on fire?” me: “..... no this one’s a theatre” A: .......*glares*

A: “there are other ways to deal with your problems, *fire spreads through wine* oh, that’s effective, though. Really effective.”

A: “Is this how Lestat finds Louis? He just looks for the biggest fire?” me: “It’s a good process. It’s like geo-tagging.”

me: [Louis] has his divorce coat on”

me: “the 80s were NOT a good time for suits” (I comment on Louis’ suit there EVERY TIME I watch this movie)

A: “It’s Lestat. It’s the stinky boy.” Me: “It’s Lestank”

me: “look rats” A: “juice boxes”

Lestat: *painstakingly turning in his spinny chair*, A: “take your time”

A: “Aw, he has PTSD, poor thing. ... Ah, dammit.” Me: “I knew it. You like the villains. *mutters* called that a mile away”

me, suddenly turning southern: “Tom Cruise has a Twitter. I ain’t gonna tweet ‘im, cuz this would be an embarrassing reason to.” (spoilers: I tweeted him)

this is it we’re coming up on the end

the drops in narrative are due to the videos that were taken but the point is made

THE END GOODBYE

also I’m sorry